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Why do you have to choose sides ? Why can 't you celebrate the birth of Christ and also believe in Santa ? I was raised knowing the main idea of Christmas is Jesus ' birth . . . not Santa , he was a bonus . I was talking to someone last night who doesn 't have Santa visit their house , her five year old daughter does not believe . It broke my heart , I believe the magic of Christmas is believing in Santa along with the miraculous birth . I know when I found out the truth , Christmas was not the same , the magic had somehow lessened . There is the debate ; if you never had it , how would you know what you 're missing . There just seems to be something in the air at this time of year , Santa 's are everywhere , why not let them believe . Is she going to be one of those kids that spills the beans to her friends at school , therefore , putting doubt in their heads ? I hope they will explain the importance of keeping the information to herself . My kids last year questioned whether he was real or not , Santa , not Jesus , because of kids in their classes knowing the truth . Maybe it helps that they go to a Catholic school and everywhere you look you see the celebration of Jesus ' birth . Advent wreaths and mangers in every room , along with a Christmas tree ( with nun ornaments ! ) in the lobby and Santa 's too . They are getting both events at their school , so if that 's happening there , is it really so bad ? I know one day they will loose some of the magic , like most of us have , I will not be the one to help it along . So if you ever come to my house , you will be greeted by our gigantic Santa in the yard . Once inside you will see the manger under our tree , along with the advent wreath , made in art class , hanging in the computer room above our mini manger . In my opinion , we have the best of both worlds ! This next week is going to be very busy around here , if I don 't get a chance to write , everyone , please have a very Merry Christmas ! ! For those of you who celebrate Hanukkah , sorry to have wasted your time with this blog . I hope you have been having a wonderful HaPosted by No , I didn 't get buried in all the snow , in fact , the only thing we got was a rain / snow mix ! I know I have said how busy things have gotten around here , so I know you all understand when I miss a week . It has been hard for me to come to the computer and write this blog . My husband used to tease me about having such thin skin , meaning . . . I 'm too sensitive . Just about every week I sit down in front of my computer and pour my heart out to all of you . Some people are surprised at how open I am with you . I have to be in order for you to understand what it 's like being a single parent of six kids all under the age of 12 , and one of them having Down Syndrome . I know I 'm not perfect , and I 'm sure there are things I have done that many of you disagree with , but to send mean comments , is that really fair ? If you 're going to send a nasty - gram , at least have the courage to sign your name . I am deeply hurt when something like this happens , and it makes it difficult for me to share my experiences with you . I wish I had the thick skin my husband had , there are traits of his that wore off on me , that wasn 't one of them . I ask that if you have nothing nice to say , don 't say anything at all . I will be back next week , hopefully I can put this behind me and share once again . Until next time - Take Care , Sue I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving yesterday , we had a nice relaxing one . It was just Sherry and her family , and my brother Rick and his wife Anne Marie . My brother John was in Arizona with his family . Sherry was the chef for the day , I helped , it was at my house . After dinner , my Aunt , Uncle , cousin and his family came over for dessert . I was exhausted by the end of the evening . The kids and I got into our jammies and watched Home Alone , they fell asleep one by one . It was a good day ! Last Friday I took the kids to a swine flu shot clinic , I didn 't realize how crowded it would be . We waited in line for almost an hour , going through two check points . Helen was starting to loose her patience , she wanted to keep walking once we started , and got so frustrated when we had to stop and wait again . She was starting to stamp her foot and say , " Go , Mom , Goooo ! " At the second check point I asked them if there were anyway we could move ahead in line in order to get Helen the shot . I explained she was loosing her patience , and what would happen if she lost them completely . She would have a " meltdown " and would not cooperate when receiving her shot , in other words . . . it would get ugly . They moved us right on through and not only gave Helen her shot , but my other kids also . I knew someone who was a couple of people ahead of us , and they told me it was another 1 / 2 hour waiting from that check point . I made the right decision . I don 't like using Helen for an excuse , but it would have turned into a nightmare very quickly ! On Monday I had Helen 's conference at school , it went okay . The problem we are having is , Helen 's program is really geared for higher functioning . If we moved her to the next level down , it would be the low functioning program . There is NO in between , which is not good . They used to have something for that group , but they did away with it because of the funding . Helen 's teachers are going to meet with the supervisor of special education and see if they can 't do something about it . Helen is not the only one wiPosted by This is my first blog on my office computer , sweet ! ! My friend gave me her old computer so I could have a computer to myself for the business , it is working out fantastic ! Katie and Robbie 's basketball games were very exciting . Katie 's score was 20 - 21 , they won by just one point ! Robbie 's team lost by two points , but it was non - stop . I 'm looking forward to Saturday 's games . They both have practice on Wednesdays , so every other week they miss Greek school in order to go . Grace screamed on the way to Greek school , she didn 't want to go because Katie wasn 't going to be there . This started a couple weeks ago , the same week basketball practice started . I 'm baffled by her behavior , this is the same girl who didn 't want me to come into her classroom on the first day of Kindergarten , Miss Independent ! She would not let me go when I dropped her off at school , I had to peel her off of me . If I didn 't make her stay , this would happen every single Wednesday . When I picked them up , I went inside so I could see how she did . There she was , standing in the classroom with all her friends , singing Jingle Bells ! She said , " Mommy , I didn 't know I 'd have a good time . " I don 't get it , she has been going to Greek school since September . So I asked her if she was going to cry next time she has to go , and she said , " Um , maybe , we 'll see ! " . . . Miss Independent , no doubt ! Helen has been having a rough week , I 'm not looking forward to her conference on Monday . She has been so naughty , she has been poking her friends , even after I tell her not to touch her friends at school . She has been making noises , being very disruptive . She was kicked out of religion class last night because she wouldn 't listen and calm down . She is now getting her privileges on the WII taken away from her , I don 't know what else I can do about her behavior issues . If any of you have any suggestions , please share , at this point , I will try anything . Until next time - Take Care , Sue Aaahhh , back on track ! Noah went to his first birthday party over the week - end , he had a great time . I was able to drop him off and leave right away . . . no staying until he transitioned . Last year when I dropped him off at school , I could never leave until after the class said the Pledge of Allegiance . I was the only parent sitting on the rug singing " Hi good morning friends , how are you today ? . . . " After the song we would stand up and say the Pledge , then it was free time , which was my cue to leave . My goal this year was to be able to just drop him off and leave , I wanted to reach it by the end of the school year . Well , to my surprise , I have already reached that goal thanks to Noah . One day , out of the blue , while walking to his class , he told me , " Just leave , don 't come to my class . " Now he gets mad at me if I go with him . Yesterday when I was helping him with his coat he told me , " Now , go to the kitchen Mom , don 't come to my class . " ( it was hot lunch day ) Now that I can 't go with him , I miss going ! I am so glad he has found some independence and doesn 't need me with him every second of the day . I now watch other parents go through what I did last year and think to myself , a year really makes a difference . Helen had another issue at school yesterday , this time she left a mark on a first grader 's face . I didn 't get the whole story because her teacher didn 't see it , she was told what happened . After Helen arrived at school , she went on the playground before the bell rang . It was there that she pushed a little girl off the equipment , I think it was the slide . The girl hit her face , I don 't know on what , and cut her cheek . She was taken to the nurse , where they called home to let her parents know what happened . The dad was not too pleased , which , no parent would be ! Helen can no longer play in the morning , she has to go from the bus directly to the second grade line . She doesn 't get recess today or tomorrow , because she didn 't listen to the principal yesterday . I didn 't quite understand what happened with him , I think Sue I took Helen to the thyroid doctor today , it went very well . My other kids were home from school , yesterday and today were parent / teacher conferences at their school . I asked my father - in - law to watch them while I took Helen to her appointment . We were at Children 's Hospital , and who knows what germs are floating around there , I didn 't want to take any chances . While we were there , every time I came across hand sanitizer , I squirted my hands and then rubbed Helen 's . In the past , I would have brought all the kids with me , it 's scary ! After her appointment we had to go to the lab so she could have blood drawn . It used to be that the doctor 's office put the orders in the computer for the blood draw while we made our way down to the lab . Now , they make an appointment for you , it 's usually within 10 - 15 minutes from the time you leave the doctor 's office . We only had to wait 10 minutes , one time we waited an hour for Helen to get called for blood work ! I bet it 's because of the H1N1 , they don 't want people hanging around for long periods of time . They have already prohibited young children from visiting anyone in the hospital . If you are exhibiting any of the symptoms of H1N1 , you have to wear a mask . Thank goodness we didn 't come across anyone in a mask , that 's frightening . All the conferences went well , thank goodness ! My only beef . . . they scheduled 10 minutes for each conference , they gave me no time for the commute from classroom to classroom . Grace 's meeting was at 12 : 30 , Katie at 12 : 40 , Robbie at 12 : 50 , and Ted at 1 : 00 . I didn 't get to Ted 's conference until almost 1 : 30 ! I had to wait to get into one of my conferences which also threw the whole schedule off . We had a good time last week - end , we started it off with the Fall Frolic at the kid 's school . Helen did such a great job , I set her up at a table right in front of the kitchen , gave her popcorn and juice , she was good to go ! I was helping out in the kitchen , this way I could keep an eye on her . Fall Frolic is our school 's Halloween party , we have games , mad scPosted by The past couple of weeks have been crazy around here . Ted competed in his last cross country meet and placed 7th out of 15 . He beat his time by 2 minutes , and this was the longest race , so he did awesome . Robbie played his last football game for the season , the team finished in 4th , out of 5 teams . Ted ran in the rain , and Robbie played on a cold windy day . We had other things going on that week also , it felt like we were burning a candle at both ends . I was the first one to get sick , I thought maybe I had overdone it while working in the yard . I was very achy , and very tired . When I woke up the next morning I knew I was sick , my head was killing me . I tried to rest most of the day , but I had errands to do , and things to get done around the house . I shouldn 't have pushed myself so hard , it only made things worse . When the kids got dropped off from school , I was on the couch with a fever , chills , body aches , and no energy . Thank goodness my father - in - law stopped by , he stayed and looked after the kids while I rested . Soon after , the kids started dropping like flies ! Ted was the first , his complaint was a sore throat . I thought it was sore because of all the coughing he had been doing . He wound up going to the doctor and was diagnosed with strep throat . Helen got sick very soon after Ted , she had a fever and vomited once before bed . She also had a cough , I thought the cough medicine I had given her might have caused her to get sick , because she didn 't get sick again . I got sick on Sunday evening , Ted and Helen Monday night . Tuesday morning I asked everyone how they felt , the kids that were well anyway . Ted and Helen still had fevers so they couldn 't go to school . I sent , Grace , Katie and Robbie to school that morning , only to have the school secretary call me about an hour after school started , " Come and pick up Robbie , he doesn 't feel well , he 's warm , and he doesn 't look good . " Robbie had body aches , cough , and a fever . I had Ted laying on one couch , Robbie on another , and Helen on the other , with Noah laying acroPosted by We have had such gloomy weather these past couple of days . It rained yesterday , off and on , and this morning it 's raining again . Helen is the only one who has school today , the kids were off yesterday too . When I woke up with Helen yesterday to get her ready for school , I was so tired . The weather didn 't help matters , I wanted to crawl back in bed . After she left for school , I did just that , and regretted it the rest of the day . I was tired all day yesterday , and had no motivation . This morning , once again , I wanted to crawl back in bed after she left . I made myself stay up remembering how I felt yesterday . I have already gotten quite a few things done , hopefully this will be a much better day . Ted ran in his first cross country meet the other day , I don 't think he really knew what was in store for him . He finished , that 's all that matters , I was very proud of him . He ran 1 . 24 miles , the farthest he has ever gone . Later that night I asked him how he felt , he told me , " Okay , my legs hurt though ! " He definitely needs more training . Robbie has his last football game tomorrow , and then they start the play - offs . His team is ranked # 4 , that 's out of 5 teams . For his sake and his team , I hope they go far in the play - offs , but for me and the kids , I hope not . It is starting to get cold , and the kids sit there the whole game and complain how cold they are . I tell them to bundle up , and they still complain . They don 't appreciate attending sporting events . . . yet . We have many years attending these games , I think Robbie will always be involved with one sport or another . Ted has his track , and who knows what Noah will be interested in . Let 's not forget Katie , who starts basketball next month . Like Noah , we still don 't know where Grace 's interests lie . Then there 's Helen , I was told of a program that sounds like something she would enjoy , and she is getting to the point where she will be able to participate . Oh my goodness . . . my head is starting to spin ! I have a feeling there may be some time conflicts , I already have one this Sue I finally remembered to bring my coupons to the grocery store with me , I saved $ 14 . 20 ! It helped that I stuck to the list . I also used my coupons when shopping at ShopKo , which is similar to K - Mart . I had to buy other things that I didn 't have a coupon for , but to my surprise , it was all on sale . I saved $ 8 . 25 with my coupons . They don 't calculate total savings at that store , but I can only imagine how much I saved . Most things were 60 % off , and also buy one , get one 1 / 2 off . My biggest savings came from Kohl 's , I couldn 't believe it when the cashier told me how much my savings were . I had to get Ted uniform pants since he sprouted over the summer and I didn 't even realize it . While getting his pants , I noticed they also had uniform shirts on sale too , so I bought him a few of those in the bigger size . Since I was there , I decided to check the sale rack for Helen . I found capri stretch pants on sale for $ 4 . 20 , the length will hit the top of her shoe . . . perfect ! I also needed a few unmentionables . . . total savings . . . $ 80 . 41 ! I am quite proud of myself ! : 0 ) This afternoon I am picking Helen up early and we are taking Toby to the kid 's school for the pet blessing , in honor of St . Francis of Assisi . I am also taking Robbie 's Eeyore , and Grace 's Baby Bear . I am a bit nervous about how Toby will act , being a scaredy cat and all . All the kids in the school will be there , along with other pets and their owners . Last year I was bombarded with kids wanting to see Toby , although last year he was just a puppy . I 'm hoping for the best , wish me luck . Until next time - Take Care , Sue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sorry so short ! : 0 ( Back in August I wrote about the possibility of Katie and Grace getting a device to help stop them from sucking their thumbs . It is now a reality for Katie and she needs much more than that . I took her and Robbie to the orthodontist for an evaluation the other day and I didn 't receive good news . They both have overcrowding going on inside their mouths , Katie more than Robbie . He can wait until after he is twelve , that 's when the last of the molars will be in . Katie on the other hand , needs them NOW . She needs an expander on her upper and lower , and then braces . When Katie was in Kindergarten , she had to have her front tooth pulled because she broke it when she fell on a stair at school , it STILL hasn 't come in ( Katie 's in second grade ) . Come to find out , there has been no room for them , so they are staying put . With the expander , it will make room for her teeth to come in , and the braces will keep them straight . Her bottom teeth are just as bad , she has one tooth that popped through the gum outside of the line ( it hurt when it came in ) . I need to come up with half of the money for the down payment and the office will put me on a payment plan for the rest . I 'm lucky Robbie didn 't need them right away , I don 't know what I would have done . Not only did they see the Orthodontist , they also had a visit with the Ophthalmologist . Katie needs an adjustment with her prescription , and Robbie needs glasses . Since losing our COBRA coverage last month , I have had to find other doctors for the kids . I have been lucky so far , they seem to be on top of things . The true test will be when I take Helen to see these new doctors . I asked each one if they have other patients with Down Syndrome and was told yes each time . If they don 't have patience with Helen , then I will know they weren 't telling me the truth . I had to make appointments with the pediatrician so the kids could get their flu shots . I 'm torn about this new vaccine for the swine flu . I 'm worried about Helen this flu season , it hits her hard . I am running low on my huge boPosted by So far so good at Helen 's school , everything seems to be falling into place . She spends her mornings included with her new teachers , and the afternoons in the special ed . classroom with her teacher from last year . She is helping her with math , Helen 's worst subject . There have been a few issues with her behavior , but nothing where I have received a phone call . I just hope the whole year is like this . The other kids have adjusted nicely to being back at school . Ted had his first practice for cross country and loved it . Every time a letter was sent home about different sports , and sport clinics , I would ask Ted if he wanted to do it . The answer was always the same , NO . When the letter came home about cross country , I read it , and then proceeded to put it in the recycle pile . Ted walked in as I was doing this and said , " Oh yeah , I want to join that Mom , okay ? " I was shocked , I never see him run , so I asked , " Do you know what cross country is ? " I then went on to explain all about it . He told me , " Yes , I know , I like to run , I can run fast , are you going to sign me up ! ? ! " How could I argue , this kid is not very active , this would be the perfect opportunity to get him moving ! I 'm glad he likes it , he is starting to find his niche . Robbie on the other hand is still trying to figure it out . He begged me to sign him up for football , so I did . He didn 't realize just how physical the sport is , he doesn 't like to get pushed around . He wants to play wide receiver , but instead plays defensive tackle . He thinks if he plays offense he won 't get tackled . I told him it doesn 't matter what position you play , you 're going to get tackled , that 's what the game is about . He told me he doesn 't want to play next year , but he still wants to be a professional football player someday . I told him nothing is going to change with the sport whether it 's now or later . He told me he knows that , but at least later he 'll be bigger ! Katie is going to start playing basketball , hopefully she will like it better than softball . When playing softball thiPosted by Robbie , Katie , TedNoahGraceHelenIt is official . . . all the kids are back to school . It has been very overwhelming for me . I remember feeling this same way last year . I tried to psych myself up this year , but it didn 't work . There has been an abundance of paper work that has come home that I have to keep track of which piece goes back with which kid . There have been fees for this , and fees for that . My hand has been in my wallet non - stop , I 'm already broke for the month . There have been issues at the schools already . One of Ted 's good friends didn 't come back this year because of a bully problem . He was bullied all last year , and from what I have been told , nothing was done about it . The bully is still there ! This kid picked on Ted in second grade , I didn 't hear about it until the end of the year . At the beginning of third and also fourth grade , I spoke with Ted 's teachers and informed them of the problem . I asked that Ted not be paired up with this kid if at all possible , and told Ted to keep his distance . Ted has been happy these past two years with very minimal teasing . I am afraid now that the friend is gone , which , by the way , I had no idea how bad it was or I would have tried to help , Ted will be on the receiving end of the bully . I have spoken with the teacher on several occasions ( it helps to be a hot lunch mom ! ) and also the principal . I have told them I will pull my kids out of that school if Ted gets bullied and nothing is done about it . I will not wait until the end of the year , I will not tolerate it . I have discussed this with the kids and have told them to look out for each other . The problem with that is , Ted has a different recess now that he is in fifth grade . Recess time is when it mostly happens . I have been told by the principal they are going to initiate a new bully program this year . He pulls me aside whenever he sees me and asks how things are going . In mass yesterday with the school kids Father mentioned he doesn 't want to have any bully problems this year . It is good to see they finally rePosted by I must apologize , this week went by so quickly . I have been feeling overwhelmed , there have been a few issues with the kids starting school . I am going to take this week off from blogging so i can give it 100 % , I hope you understand . I will be back next week , and I will fill you in on what 's been going on . Until next time - Take Care , Sue I am saddened by the death of Sen . Edward ( Ted ) Kennedy . I wouldn 't be in the shoes I 'm in today if it weren 't for most of his legislation . He did so much for people with disabilities , and also low - income families . I wish he would have been around longer to help with this health insurance mess . Our COBRA expired this month , we were only eligible for three years after Peter died . I looked into commercial insurance for my family , there is no way I can afford it . We can 't go without , especially with all of Helen 's health issues . It would make life a lot easier if health care was more affordable . In the three years I paid for COBRA , it cost me roughly $ 25 , 000 . 00 , that 's a lot of money ! The kids and I could have taken a nice vacation to Greece to see where their dad was born for 1 / 3 of that money . If only . . . Helen is looking forward to starting school , she was so mad yesterday when Ted , Robbie , and Katie started . When we came home from dropping them off , Helen went into her backpack and started playing with her school supplies . It wouldn 't have been so bad , but Toby decided to chew on her pencils , that really got her mad . Today we had a meeting with Grace 's kindergarten teacher , Helen was mad again . She wanted to sit on the carpet and have books read to her . Then she went next door to Noah 's preschool room to play . I can 't wait for her to start on Monday , and neither can she . Noah on the other hand , he could care less if school ever starts again . I recently joined Facebook and I 'm addicted . I am always checking it to see who said what . I love that I have found many old friends , I feel reconnected , and that 's a good feeling . I no longer feel so isolated , and have even more chances to get out and do something . There is talk of us all getting together for a little reunion . I hope it comes together , I 'd love to see so many of them again , and just have fun . Until next time - Take Care , Sue Posted by The circus crewHelen , Katie , and Grace on the camelElephant ride About three weeks ago the kids and I went out for the afternoon , when we came home it felt like the air conditioner wasn 't on . It was one of the rare days around here that we needed it . I knew I had turned it on before we left so we could come home to a nice cool house . I knew we would be sweaty since my car air conditioner decided not to work this summer . I checked the thermostat , yep , it was on . I went downstairs and looked at the unit and at the fuse box , I really had no idea what I was looking for , but at least I gave it a look . I then went outside to check the fan , I could hear a hum coming from it , but nothing else . I decided to turn it off , the noise I heard couldn 't be good , and who knew how long it had been like that since we were gone all afternoon . My central air is the last thing I need to have break , the car is bad enough with the kids complaining how hot they are . I called the repair service and left a message . I almost walked across the street to my neighbor who is the owner of the repair service , but wasn 't gutsy enough . If it had been really hot , I would have , but we weren 't suffering , so I didn 't impose . The next day he called and said someone would be over around lunch time . The guy showed up and checked everything I did , I was proud of myself , although I still didn 't know what we were looking for ! Everything in the house checked out so we went to look at the fan . Sure enough , he heard the exact same noise I did , and thought he knew what the problem was . He took the cover off of the electrical panel . . . lo and behold , guess what he found . . . an earwig . It had crawled into the wires and was electrocuted , which in turn , shorted out my connection . When the bug was removed , my air conditioner fan turned back on and all was well . . . except my wallet ! That was the most expensive bug I have ever come across , I should have had it framed ! The circus was in town last week - end , Sherry and I took the kids . My wonderful neighbors gave me free ticketPosted by Thank you , thank you , thank you to all of my family and friends who came and stood in the thunderstorm for Peter 's memorial . It started to downpour after the service so I didn 't get a chance to thank all of you personally . It meant a lot to me to see all of my family , in - laws included , and MY friends there . I am very disappointed in Peter 's friends , not one of them showed up . I personally called every single one that I had a phone number to , and they all said they would be there . I guess they were afraid they would melt ! I think I 'm even more disappointed that I haven 't received any emails or phone calls apologizing for the " no show " . I 'm trying very hard to lay a foundation for their relationships with my kids . They are the missing links to Peter 's past . My kids have their Aunts and Papou to share stories of Peter when they were kids . They have me to share my stories from age 25 until his death . What 's missing are his High School years and soon after . Those are the years when you break away from siblings and do things with your friends . I know they have a ton of stories about Peter , I heard some , but can 't remember enough to share them with my kids . I was hoping when my kids got older they would have a friendship already there with Peter 's friends , so they could talk about Peter for hours if they wanted to . I guess I 'm hoping for a perfect little world , and that 's not going to happen . It makes me sad . I know if the tables were turned , Peter would have been standing out in the rain for his friend . I wish his friends felt the same . . . oh well , on we go . We have been watching my furry niece Fiona , she really likes the pool . She wasn 't here for 10 minutes and she was already taking a dip ! My father - in - law was here one day when she got into the pool , he didn 't like it . He asked me , " Are you going to let out the water so you can change it ? " Oh my goodness . . . ka - ching ! I told him , " No , that 's what the chlorine is for ! " Can you imagine if I changed the water every time ! ? ! ! Toby has enjoyed having his cousin here to play . ThPosted by I took the kids for their dental check ups the other day , yep , all six . One out of six had a cavity , those are pretty good odds ! I was also told Katie and Grace both need devices put in their mouths to stop them from sucking their thumbs . Devices , what the heck ! ? ! ! How come when I was a kid we didn 't need devices , you either stopped , or you didn 't . Our COBRA expires on Monday , yes , it has already been three years since Peter passed away , Saturday to be exact . Having to deal with the cost of these devices has become a headache . After speaking with Ted 's orthodontist , I have decided to hold off on these so called devices for now . I am going to take Katie in to see the orthodontist for an evaluation ( Grace is too young ) , along with Robbie , it 's free , why not ! This way I can budget for braces down the road . I think Robbie will need them , his teeth are a bit crooked . I was told by the dentist Katie and Grace will definitely need them . My question is , why pay $ 1000 . 00 per child now for devices , when they are going to need braces anyway ? I have noticed , with age , Katie does not suck her thumb as often as she used to . We have all told them both to stop when we see them doing it , but at night when they are sleeping is another story . I am now trying another trick , spraying their thumbs with perfume , the jury is still out on that one . Yesterday was my birthday , we spent it at the cemetery and then for lunch at my sister - in - law 's restaurant , The Liberty . They have such great food , I can honestly say I have never had a bad meal there . If you are ever in Libertyville , IL , their place is located on Milwaukee Ave . , also known as Rt . 21 . They put a candle in a piece of cheesecake and sang me Happy Birthday , the kids loved it . We went to the cemetery to clean up the flowers so they look nice for Saturday . I am having a memorial service for Peter . I don 't think we have been there since I planted them in June , it has been a busy summer . To my pleasant surprise , my sister - in - law , Maria , had already been there and spruced them up for mPosted by A couple of weeks ago Toby had surgery ( snip , snip ) , I had to take him and get his incision looked at yesterday . I found out from the vet that we have a scaredy cat for a dog , this explains why he barks at everyone when they come into the house . Toby was hiding under my chair when the vet came into the room . He took Toby 's leash and gently pulled him out from under there , sat on the floor and let Toby sniff his hand before he touched him under his chin . According to the vet , if he would have stayed standing and moved his hand over Toby 's head in order to pet him on top of it , we might have had a different outcome . Toby would have felt threatened and would have either started barking at him , or tried biting . I 'm sad Toby feels this way , but it 's good to know , now we can help . Katie had her birthday party over the week - end , it 's always so nice to have family around . She wanted money so she could save up for a Nintendo DS , she has wanted one for a long time . She was about $ 30 . 00 short , I was debating on whether to kick in the rest . Noah and I went to the store Tuesday morning , while I was there I decided to check out the price so I knew the exact amount she needed to buy it . To my surprise , it was on sale , " They are NEVER on sale , " said the clerk this time last year . I bought it , I didn 't tell Katie until we were at another store picking out a game for it . She was so excited , I couldn 't drive fast enough home . I should have opened it and charged it while she was at Greek Bible camp , because she had to wait about 3 hours . That was the longest 3 hours ! Noah had a cardiologist appointment , the doctor still heard a heart murmur at his last check - up . He has had it since he was a baby , all of my kids have had a murmur at some point . We agreed to have it checked out if it was still there this visit . It is nothing to be concerned about , it is an innocent murmur . If it is still there next year , I am to bring him back to the cardiologist . I 'm glad I went , I feel much better , my mind started to wander about that murmur . Helen 's Sue GO FISH , Greek Orthodox Fun In Summer Heat , that 's what we do every Friday . We meet up with other families , last week we met at a park , it was so chilly we decided to drive to the Jelly Belly factory , which was nearby . We went on the tour , taste tested jelly beans , and bought some belly flops . Everyone had a good time . Once in the car , the kids couldn 't wait to open their free samples . The car started smelling so good , I decided to open the package of jelly beans I bought . I got them because they were only 50 cents , the package read , " Bean Boozled " , I had no idea of the flavors . I 'm driving along , the kids are pumped up from our little field trip . I pop a jelly bean in my mouth , in my mind I 'm trying to figure out why this bag is named the way it is . I 'm eating a jelly bean that tastes like . . . mint . I try another one to see what flavor it is , maybe shed some light on the name . . . YUCK ! ! What the heck did I just eat , let me try another one , I 'm still trying to figure out how they came up with this name . This one is just as bad if not worse than the other one I just ate . I tell the kids , " I bet these are those Harry Potter jelly beans , and they named it differently for some reason . " I must be a glutton for punishment because , yes , I try another one . In my defense . . . it was a black one , and there could not possibly be any other kind of flavor for a black jelly bean other than licorice , my favorite . OMG , OMG , OMG . . . it was sooooo nasty , for the life of me , I could not figure out what I just ate , and yes , I did swallow it ! The kids were laughing so hard , I 'm lucky I didn 't crash the car . When we got home we went on the computer and looked on Jelly Belly 's website . Guess what we found out . . . Bean Boozled is a game they have come up with . The bag contains jelly beans that are the real deal , and jelly beans that are not . You are supposed to pass them out and see if you have real or fake , hence the name , Bean Boozled . The ones I ate in the car were all fake ! I ate , toothpaste , vomit , boogers , and . . . wait for it , wait for it . . . sPosted by We are very excited about our first production batch of jeans and launching the It 'll Fit 'll web site . It 's all right around the corner . . . . the web site will go live no later than October and the jeans production will be as soon as all of the details come together ( for instance , the 4 inch zippers are challenging to locate ! ) Production will likely be next month . Speaking of jeans details - that 's the point of this post . Can the mothers of girls give me some perspective on a couple of questions about jeans details , please ? 1 - We 're thinking of using pink thread as the contrast thread on the girls jeans . You know that gold / orange contrast thread on jeans ? Well , I thought using pink on the girls jeans would be cute and fun . Now I wonder if that 's too specific and limiting and un - jeans - like . Moms , please let me know what you 'd prefer . 2 - The back pockets - should they be decorated or not ? Is plain , no stitching except around the pocket border ( to attach it to the pant leg ) too plain ? Is a couple of horizontal lines of contrast stitching classic , perfect ? If fancy stitching is preferred , what kind of design / stitching ( examples of brand names would be great ) do you like ? In the future , would you like a line of jeans with a variety of pocket choices - some very ornately embroidered pocket fabric through very simple ? Those are two questions that I can 't stop thinking about right now and any thoughts and comments that you can share would be a HUGE help to us . Please , please feel free to share any additional insights that you have about jeans or any other clothing item that you 'd like to have available . We 're nearing the point that all that our dream is becoming reality , and we want to give you exactly what you want . So , please let us know what that is . Best , Sherry . Once you have lost someone dear to you , every time you hear of another passing , it brings back the memories . The recent losses in Hollywood have brought back many memories and feelings to me , even the kids . Michael Jackson especially , they have seen the many pictures of his kids , and the news coverage . Grace told me , " I really miss Michael Jackson . " I said , " You didn 't even know who he was " , she said , " I know , but I still miss him for his kids . " After Katie had seen his daughter at the memorial service , she told me she missed daddy a lot . The way I see them now is the way they were after Peter passed away . I tried to monitor what they saw on TV and on the computer , but it was everywhere . I have noticed the amount of coverage has slowed down quite a bit . I have also seen my kids perk up , and not mention their dad as often . Don 't get me wrong , we talk about Peter , but in a happy way , not a sad way . I tell them funny stories about their dad , or if one of them does something that reminds me of him , I tell them , " You are just like your dad " , it makes them smile . Kids bounce back so much quicker than adults . Until next time - Take Care , Sue Posted by Helen with her art project from school . She was very proud when we hung it up . Happy Fourth of July , from the It 'll Fit 'll family , to yours ! ! Until next time - Take Care , Sue I hope all you dad 's and grandpa 's had a good day on Sunday . I cut the grass in the morning and then we went to the cemetery after lunch . I wasn 't planning on making the trip , but when I told Robbie and Ted we weren 't going to go , they asked if we could . I don 't mind going to the cemetery , it gives me peace . I always feel like I am making the kids go , I want them to want to go . I knew in my heart that Peter wouldn 't have cared either way , he probably would have wanted us to stay home , we would have saved gas . When we got home , we set up the pool that I bought three summers ago . I always had a bad feeling in my gut whenever the kids asked when we were going to put it up . I thought Helen might pick Noah up and throw him in the pool , it was the time that she was always picking him up . Now that they are older , and she doesn 't pick him up anymore , I feel more at ease . It was a very good investment , they have been in that pool so much this week . Helen has turned into a fish ! On Monday , they went in for the first time , I couldn 't get her out ! I did get her out at dinnertime , but then she went right back in . It was 8 : 00pm by the time she finally came out . She absolutely loves that pool . My furry niece , Fiona , liked it too . We were dog sitting this week - end , and I completely forgot how much she enjoys pools . While it was filling up , she jumped in and started biting at the water going in a circle . She has her own pool at home and does the same thing . The kids got such a kick out of it , they wanted Toby to go in too . I told them it wasn 't such a good idea , his fingernails could puncture the pool . Toby hasn 't been too interested in it anyway , probably because anytime he goes near it , they splash him . The week didn 't start out so good , Helen started summer school on Monday . It was such a hectic week - end , that I completely forgot the bus driver never called to tell me what time they were going to pick up Helen . I called the bus company Monday morning and was told they didn 't have Helen scheduled for a bus until June 29th , a fulPosted by This is going to be a very long summer . . . On Monday I stained the swing set , it took me all day . It was also Helen 's last day of school . I took a break when it was time to watch for her bus . Right after she came home , my friend stopped by to tell me she will be teaching at the kid 's school next year . Her youngest is in school with Noah , and our boys are in Cub Scouts together . While we were visiting in the front , Helen was a busy beaver in the back . I had placed the stain and paintbrush off to the side , thinking I would be back after Helen came home . The other kids knew not to touch it , a few of them had already gotten yelled at when they grabbed it during the day . When I was done visiting with my friend , I headed to the backyard to continue staining . I was met by Helen who was covered from head to toe with brown stain . She thought she would help by staining the fence , not just the privacy fence , but our chain link fence ( dog run ) too ! Thank goodness it is in the corner of the yard so it 's not so noticeable . I was so mad , especially when I went to finish the swing set and couldn 't because I ran out of stain . I had to put that project on hold for a few days , until I could get more stain . I am proud to say , I finished the job today , and it looks awesome ! Helen was pretty easy to clean up , and I was surprised to see that the stain came out of her clothes . Katie and Grace did a great job at Greek Fest this past week - end , I got teary - eyed while watching them . There was a very big crowd watching them , I was afraid Katie would get overwhelmed , but she didn 't . I think the roar of the crowd made her smile even more , and Grace was all smiles throughout the dance . The kids and I had a great time there on Sunday , even though they had run out of Dolmades ( stuffed grape leaves ) by the time we went to get some . They did have Loukoumades ( honey puffs ) , thank goodness , the kids love them . Toby ate Katie 's glasses . . . again ! I was so mad , I had to take some time to myself in my bedroom , and lock the door . I can 't begin to tell you how manPosted by Oh my goodness , I am soooo not used to having the kids around all day long . As you can see , I had a hard time getting on the computer today . Every time I sat down to get started writing , someone needed something , or , they were nonstop asking when I would be done . I couldn 't concentrate , so I gave up and decided to wait until they were in bed . Aaahhh , quiet time ! I met with Helen 's teachers last week for a follow up to her IEP from back in February . I don 't know if you remember , but they were talking about changing her program which would mean changing schools . They decided not to move her , the program she would have been going into would have done more harm than good . Her teacher told me she is not going to give up on Helen , she is invested . It is my understanding that the program they were talking about putting her in , was the one where they focus on self help skills , that 's it . I guess there are behavior issues in that type of class , and her teacher was afraid Helen would pick up on it , and do her more harm than good . Like her teacher said , Helen has the potential , she just needs to start cooperating a little more . The past two days Helen has been acting up at school , so she has gotten sad faces on her chart . I wouldn 't know this from seeing her chart because somehow it gets lost before it reaches home . I called her teacher today because of the way she was acting when she got off the bus . She wouldn 't come in , she stood out on the sidewalk with her thumb in her mouth ( a sign that she knows she did something wrong ) . It was then that I learned of the naughty behavior Helen has been displaying at school . Do you remember what happens when Helen doesn 't get all smiley faces on her chart ? Helen does , that 's why she " loses " her chart before she gets home . She knows she will not get her favorite snack of pretzels and marshmallows if she has one sad face . She was extremely naughty today , which is why she had her thumb in her mouth and wouldn 't come in until she could no longer see me waiting at the door . When she finallPosted by I don 't say this very often , but , I don 't know what to do with myself this morning . It 's Wednesday , I 'm supposed to be helping with hot lunch at the school , at least that 's what my internal clock is telling me . The last hot lunch for the school year was last week and I already miss it . I thought I would fill the void and write my blog , next week it may be a different story . Yesterday we went to Children 's for Katie 's follow up appointment with the surgeon . We had to wait a long time for the doctor . I had to have the nurse call the cardiac clinic because Helen had an appointment scheduled , and we were late . When I spoke with the scheduling department they assured me there was enough time for us to get to Helen 's appointment on time , I should have known better . Once the doctor came in to see Katie , she felt her tummy , asked how many lollipops , and we were out of there . All that waiting for less than a minute of her time ! Our next stop was Helen 's appointment , she was there to get hooked up to a Holter monitor . For those of you who have been fortunate enough to have no idea what that is , it monitors her heart rate for 24 hours . It 's like having an EKG for a day . When the 24 hours are up , I take off the monitor , put it in a Federal Express envelope , and they will come and pick it up at my house . I don 't have to make another trip just to drop it off , how awesome is that ! ? ! ! After dinner the kids went outside to play for awhile . I checked Helen 's stickers ( that 's what she calls them ) when she came inside . They were in the right pattern , but in the wrong spot . It looked like they had slid down from her chest to her tummy , but that is not possible . If any of you have ever had an EKG , then you know how strong the stickers are , they don 't move . I think Helen did some rearranging ! I put them all back where they belonged and got her ready for bed . She kept insisting on taking off her stickers . The last thing I heard her say last night . . . stickers ! When she woke up this morning I checked them again , all but one had fallen off duPosted by I bet some of you are a bit confused , my last two blogs went missing . We were the unfortunate recipients of a very crude troll . For those of you who don 't know what that is , it 's someone who infiltrates and leaves very mean and hurtful comments . That is the only attention I 'm going to give it , since that 's all it was looking for anyway . Now , back to business . . . I hope everyone enjoyed the long holiday week - end , and had a nice Memorial Day . We didn 't do anything special , just hung out at home . Noah turned four yesterday , he picked out a light saber and a Clone Trooper helmet . I think the helmet is bigger than him ! I am having his party this week - end , so I have been trying to get the house in order . I thought things would start to slow down since it 's the end of the school year , but it seems to have sped up . I have had no time at all to clean my house . Katie started softball , her first game is next week . I am lucky that she plays at a field where there is a playground directly across from it . While Katie is playing softball , the other kids can stay busy by playing at the playground . Grace graduates from preschool tomorrow , she is looking forward to being a Kindergartner . That 's one more thing on my list of things to do , make something for her teachers . I don 't ever remember giving my teachers an end of the year gift . I appreciate all the teachers have done for my kids , but I really can 't afford more gifts . I hope they enjoy homemade banana bread , because that 's what I 'm making . Since I 'm talking about it , I might as well get baking . Sorry for the short blog , I didn 't want to spend a lot of time on it , in case it needs to disappear . Until next time - Take Care , SueFree Counter Grace , Noah , and I were on the Milwaukee news last night ! Our city had a special election yesterday for a new mayor , we went and voted . Noah ran in ahead of Grace and I , as soon as we walked in I saw a TV camera pointing right at him . While we walked , it followed us . When we got to the table and I gave the people my name , I mentioned the camera . I was told , " That 's what happens when you walk in with such cute kids . " I just laughed , thinking it was the local station . I received my ballot and headed to the nearest booth to vote , as the camera followed our every move . When I went to put my ballot into the machine , I got a little nervous and missed the slot , not once , but twice . You know what I was thinking ? Is that camera reading who I voted for ! ? ! ! ( Yes , I am sooo much like my mom ! ) We got our stickers and headed out the door . I was getting the kids in the car when this very nicely dressed woman got my attention . As she walked closer I recognized her as one of the morning anchors for the early morning news . Ding , ding , ding . . . OMG ! ! ! The camera that had followed our every move was for ABC in Milwaukee . She approached me and said , " I saw this young woman with two kids and so I had to talk to you . " She then started asking me questions about the election , I was glad when it was over . I told her to feel free not use me , I had no make - up on , Grace and Noah were running around a car , and I thought I sounded stupid . It was a lot harder than I thought ! I then told her that I watched her every morning while getting ready to take the kids to school . It was a very pleasant conversation , that part I enjoyed . At 6 : 00pm , we were on the news ! She did a very nice job at putting the segment together , I don 't think I sounded stupid , she used the best part . She had interviewed other people , and even took a walk in our downtown , talking about how the unemployment rate has hit us hard . We were on at the end , she talked about how I 'm a single mom with six kids , trying to make a fresh start . So I 'm using my vote to voice my opinion , as shPosted by We never made it to see Katie 's artwork on Sunday , we were going to go when I finished in the kitchen . I was in the middle of cleaning out the refrigerator when Ted told me Noah was trying to clean up water downstairs with paper . I sent Katie and Grace down there to clean it up because I thought it came from them playing with the Barbie cruise ship . I didn 't hear anything from them in awhile so I checked in with them . They came upstairs holding a very wet towel . I asked them how much water they used . They told me they didn 't play with any water . . . uh - oh . I went downstairs to see what was going on , I found two puddles of water ( I thought Toby was to blame at first ! ) . When I opened the door to the laundry room . . . HELLO . . . water everywhere . My heart sank , I have never had water in the basement . I started to move the boxes of my mom 's things out of harm 's way , and even had to unpack some of it in order to save it . I couldn 't figure out what happened , my sump pump is fairly new . I tried checking it , but what do I know about things like that , nothing . I called my brother John and got his voicemail . Thinking he was out of state I called Jerry , Robbie 's friend 's dad . He has been such a life saver , he was the one who fixed my car when the fuel pump went out on me , not to mention other things . Jerry came right over and took a look at it , he said it was still working . . . whew ! While he was here , John showed up carrying an extra motor , so I had two life savers that day . They both thought the sump pump got overwhelmed by so much rain in so little time . I am finding out that I wasn 't the only one that happened to . John left the motor here , just in case . When all was said and done , the art show was over by the time I was done mopping up water . Katie didn 't seem to mind , in fact , she had forgotten all about it . Robbie is very excited about making his First Communion on Sunday . We had rehearsal last night , we are the first ones to walk in . Robbie is happy about it , me , not so much . I like to blend in , being first is not blending in . We Posted by This week is back to normal and everyone is feeling good . On Tuesday I went to the school and made communion hosts with Robbie 's class . Wheat flour and water , that 's all it takes . About 30 years ago , while doing construction on the school and church , someone found a communion press in the basement . The stamping on it dates back to the 1880 's , it is very cool . Father placed it on top of the stove , when it was hot enough , he placed a small amount in the center , then he squeezed . It oozed out , sometimes too much , the kids loved it . When it was done , he put it between damp cloths and went on to the next one . When he was done making all of them , he then cut out a large circle with a knife , this would be his . They had little round cutters with tall handles to cut out the rest , these are for us . The cutters were also from the 1880 's . The hosts we made will be the ones we receive at the First Communion Mass . We were able to take a taste of the left over , it tasted much better than what we usually receive . I guess homemade does taste best , even with communion hosts ! The side mirror on Helen 's bus was hit by a parent 's van the other day . They couldn 't move until the police went and took a report , and the bus company could fix the mirror . As soon as Helen gets dropped off , we leave to pick the others up from school . I waited an extra 10 minutes until I called the bus company , they told me what was going on . I left to pick up the kids , they were waiting for me against the fence . I figured I might as well swing by Helen 's school and see if I could take her off the bus . I thought she would be very bored , and therefore , fidgety . I expected to see the mirror dangling on the side of the bus . It wasn 't , it looked like it hadn 't even moved , but it was cracked . I told her bus driver I was there to take Helen off her hands , I was sure she would be bored . Helen was the only one on the bus that was listening , so she was sorry to see her go . As we were pulling away , I saw someone from the bus company fixing the mirror . If we hadn 't pickePosted by Oh my goodness . . . I can 't believe it 's Thursday afternoon already ! The kids are off from school for Spring Break , that 's why I haven 't written this blog yet . I finally had to kick one of them off , every time I saw the computer available I was in the middle of something . When I was done with what I was doing I would come to the computer only to find it occupied once again . The week didn 't start off so great , we have been fighting an intestinal bug . While at church on Easter morning , Noah was the first to share with everyone what he had eaten that morning ( the cry room was packed ! ) . The kids will be the first to tell you that it didn 't smell so pretty in there , in fact , an older couple left the room and went to the other side . I got him cleaned up just in time for Communion , and then we left . He wasn 't sick for the rest of the day . Ted on the other hand wasn 't feeling the greatest . As soon as we got home from my brother 's house , he got sick . Robbie got sick during the night , but both were fine the next day . I was the next in line to catch whatever was going around . My bug decided it wanted to be different , and came out in another way . I spent most of the day on Monday and Tuesday trying to recover . We have gone two nights without anyone getting sick , let 's hope we 're done ( I 'm knocking on wood ! ) . Tuesday Katie had an appointment with a surgeon about her hernia . She will be having surgery at Children 's in Milwaukee on May 7th . Children get hernias when the muscle around the intestine doesn 't close all the way while they are developing in the uterus . It is only when the intestine pokes through that the hernia is discovered . They will be stitching up the hole instead of using mesh . Because she is still growing , the mesh would only tear , and therefore , she would need another surgery . Robbie also had an appointment , the dermatologist wanted to check the incision . They put more steri - strips on to give it more support . He has to stay out of gym for two more weeks , and also no rough housing . The biopsy results came back . . . NEGPosted by Some postings have purple text . That 's where I ask directly for feedback and opinions from you . Please share your thoughts ; they are invaluable . Thanks ! |
I should be dusting the living room right now , since I 've put it off all day . Or putting dishes away . Or making dinner before my husband gets home . But I felt like blogging for a little while . So , those other things can wait for a short while . * * * * * Matt just found out the my OB is moving out of town . He is not allowed to do that ! I love my OB . And I was hoping to go back to him when it was time with another pregnancy . Having him here was one of my two good reasons not to leave this town . He treated me like I was his only patient . He 's the only doctor in his office , so I always say him and only him for my appointments . I don 't know if I 'll find another doctor like him . His nurse ( who is also his wife and half his age ) was great . And she was pregnant with their first child when I was pregnant . Their baby was born about 3 months after Zachariah , and he was really cute . I 'll miss the energy and funny speech of this doctor . I hope that I can move on and be happy with someone new for my next pregnancy . * * * * * If you didn 't know already , Semi - Desperate Housewife had her baby yesterday . If you haven 't already , please go congratulate her . And doesn 't she look beautiful for having just given birth in those photos . I 'm very jealous . I was thinking about going to the hospital to see her today , but I can 't picture taking a toddler along while visiting in a small hospital room . So , at this point I will wait until she is happy and comfortable at home with that new baby . Then I 'll take some brownies and a gift for the baby to her . I can 't wait to hold that little cutie . * * * * * I have worked out every day this week . That 's pretty good for me . I 'm feeling pretty motivated to do it right now . I worked almost twice as long today . . . just because it felt good . Crazy ! I know . I was thinking about starting a weight loss / exercise blog just to put some of my thoughts into words . If I do I probably won 't make it public right away . Plus who knows how long I 'll stick with this . If I were , for example , to work out all weekend and next week , then maybPosted by Now you get to see the pictures of the new clothes I got for Zachariah . Shelly asked nicely , so I had to oblige . Plus I look in his closet at least once a day looking at the new things he has for fall . I just love new baby clothes ! My only fear this time is that some of the things will be too big . I bought two different sizes . Some will work well for fall , and I am hoping the rest will fit well by winter / early spring . We shall see . It was really hard deciding when sizes to get . Plus my son is very tall for his age . . . always has been . I bought a lot more tops than bottoms because of this . I have an idea of what size tops will fit , but pants is another story . He has a skinny waist and long legs . Not so much fun finding things that will fit him at this age . But I think I have a good start . And I know I will probably get more things as the season goes on . This is already the 3rd or 4th shopping trip I 've made in the last 2 months for his clothes . Here are the things I got this week : This first outfit looks like it will be really long . I bought the bigger size here , because I think I can make it work now anyway . The shirt will just be baggy , the pants I can roll up if needed , and I can adjust the straps . I got these two shirts to go under t - shirts . I bought quite a few short - sleeved tees on sale at Old Navy . Then he can wear them all winter . The color on this top is hard to see . It 's a green color with brown and white striped sleeves . It is soooo soft and cute . I couldn 't stop thinking about it . I think it will be one of my favs for him this winter or fall . This tee might be a little big for now , but I don 't think it will look back . Actually it will probably be really cute under the denim jacket he has . And he 's had a recent obsession with cars , trucks , tractors , and motorcycles . I think he 'll like this on . Plus it 's super soft like the other one I got at Baby Gap . And that ends the fashion show from this shopping trip . I would have him model the clothes , but he does not enjoy putting clothes off and on . I 'm sure you 'll sPosted by Why can 't I figure out this nap thing ? Zachariah will be 18 months old in 5 days . I heard that around then most toddlers will go to only 1 nap a day . Zachariah has been my two - naps - a - day kid for quite some time . For the last 6 months I 've been bracing myself for the inevitable change over to one nap a day . There were days when he wouldn 't lay down twice , so I thought we were definitely on the road there . Just when I thought I had him figured out , he would go back to two naps again . We don 't have a real solid schedule here . Bedtime is a big schedule we do stick to . We recognize that we must in this case , but otherwise we just go with the flow for the most part and it seems to agree with us . I know that he 'll get up at a general time , eat breakfast , play , need a nap , eat lunch , play , need another nap , eat a snack , come with my to tutor , play until dinner , eat , then a little more play until it 's bedtime . And then it 's bath time , getting dressed , snack , book , good nights , and to bed . So you can see there is a rhythm to our day . And when we need to run errands or get out of the house , they are usually scheduled around those nap times . Last week I thought we were done with that morning nap . Well . . . we were . We 've had some busy weekends , so by Monday morning Zachariah usually sleeps in . It 's like he needs to catch up a little from all the weekend excitement . Last week he slept in later than normal . Then he didn 't seem ready for a nap at the same interval that he usually would . Of course by then it was lunchtime . So we ate lunch , then played for a while before he got tired and needed a nap . Then he did a glorious thing . He took a 3 + hour nap . I didn 't mind one nap a day as long as it was a long one . When he tried the one nap thing before it didn 't go this well , so I was noticeably concerned . THIS I can handle . He did this almost every day last week . We did it , we transitioned into one nap with no problems . I was OK with it , he was OK with it . I think it worked , because he was sleeping in later each day . He would sleep 12 - 14Posted by I was bored this afternoon . I knew Matt had to work late , so I decided it was time for a shopping trip to the mall . I 've been wanting to go for a while , but the last few days I just haven 't felt like leaving the house . Being alone all day and all evening with a toddler is enough incentive to want to leave the house for a while . I didn 't feel like sitting at home any more . Zachariah does really well when we 're shopping . There is a lot for him to look at , so he 's usually really content . I had every intention of using a 15 % off coupon that I had for The Children 's Place . ( Here is the online code for 15 % off - FMM77 or FMF77 ; it expires 9 / 3 / 07 . ) But nothing struck my fancy in there . Shocking , because I can usually find something that I like . When I actually want to spend money and have a coupon , I don 't see anything . Grr . Oh well , on to Old Navy . Those are the two stores I get most of Zachariah 's clothes from . I looked around there and didn 't see too much I liked . I did see a few of the long - sleeved shirts that I 've mentioned possibly getting before . But they were full - price this time , so I think I 'll wait until they are on sale again . I even had a 10 % off coupon here , and I bought nothing again . I was beginning to think I wasn 't going to buy any clothes . I stopped into Baby Gap and browsed their clearance rack . There were a few winter sweaters I liked there , but I think I 'll wait on that . I saw two cute shirts on clearance that I almost bought , but then I decided not to this time . Then I headed into JC Penny 's . I have bought one or two things there before , but not for a while . They were having their buy one get one for $ 0 . 88 sale . I found a little denim overall piece and red plaid flannel shirt . Not normally something I 'd get , but I like denim overalls on toddlers . It will be a cute outfit for playing outdoors this fall . And they had character outfits on sale . I bought a " Cars " shirt . Zachariah is really into cars and trains lately , so I thought he might like it . It 's a striped polo shirt and very cute . I went to one mPosted by So , Erica over at All Dressed Up started her own meme . I like it , so I will try to keep it going . Here are the questions : Childhood Meme1 . When you were in grade school , what did you want to be when you grew up ? Is that what you do now ? 2 . What was you favorite children 's book / story ? 3 . What was THE band / singer of your youth ? You know , the one who 's posters were in your locker and on your bedroom walls ? 4 . What 's the most cringe - worthy fashion " don 't " you used to wear regularly ? 5 . High school - loved it or hated it ? Why ? And here are my answers : 1 . I always wanted to be a mommy and a teacher or a missionary . I got 2 out of 3 so far . And I 'm not ruling out a short - term missions trip at some point in my life . 2 . Hmm , I don 't remember a particular favorite . I 've always loved reading books . I read the Sweet Valley Twins books ( and Sweet Valley High and Sweet Valley University ) . I loved any Lurlene McDaniel books ( I especially loved the One Last Wish books . ) in Middle School . I remember reading about 1 a day , which meant that I quickly got through the collection that the library had . And I also liked the biography books at the school library , but that 's not something I read now . I wonder when I stopped reading them . We also loved Dr . Seuss books when we were really young ( and I still love them ) . 3 . I didn 't get into music too much when I was little . But I do remember listening to New Kids on the Block and Paula Abdul at friends houses . 4 . Wow , I think there are too many to name . I had a pair of pink " biker " shorts that I would wear under a long t - shirt . Yikes , what was I thinking ? I wore them all summer long . I loved them and of course thought I was very cool . 5 . I did like high school . I had a great group of friends that I still keep in touch with . And I met and dated my husband in high school , so I can 't complain . Would I do it again ? Nope ! Not even for money . We were away for another weekend . This time it was only Friday night and Saturday . Then we were back home . Boy this is getting tiring being away over - night every weekend . This is at least the 3rd week in a row we 've done this . And we 've been at my parents ' house each time . The occasion this weekend was a get together with my mom 's family . I usually only see my cousin once a year ( twice if someone gets married or something like that ) . She and I are the two oldest cousins and we 're 18 months apart in age , so we 've always been close . As we both started going to college we talked much less . Then we both got married , and we moved farther apart . We both have very busy lives and it 's so hard to keep in touch . They came with my aunt and uncle to my parents house . We were all going to camp outside , but the weather didn 't cooperate . My aunt and uncle did bring their RV still , so they stayed in the driveway with it . We had a lot of fun . They all love to play games . . . card games , board games , word games , etc . I do too , but I don 't get to very often . Matt will sometimes play with me , but not often . So I had a great time learning new games they 'd brought . We stayed up late talking , and then went swimming the next afternoon when the weather cleared up . There were lots of snacks and good food to eat and a cookout for lunch . We all had such a good time . And we vowed to try keeping in better touch . Only time will tell if that will happen . And we can look forward to the possibility of seeing each other at Christmas . Hopefully that will work out for everyone . So , how about you ? What did you do this weekend ? Anything fun ? ( I should add that we spent Sunday napping and lazing about . Well , some of us , Matt did mow the yard . Ha . ) Today Matt took the afternoon off from work . I didn 't go in to tutor . And Zachariah skipped his afternoon nap . We all had to sacrifice something . HA ! We went to our county fair . It was a super hot day . The temperature was around 95 , with the humidity it felt like 100 . And then the sun was beating down on us the whole time . But we still spent a few hours there visiting all the animals in the barns , then going to the petting zoo , seeing tractors and other things on display , eating , taking a pony ride , getting ice cream , and then heading home . It was a lot of fun . And although you won 't see any smiles from Zachariah , he really did have fun . I just laugh at him sometimes , because he can be so serious . You can just tell that he 's taking everything in and really enjoying it , but he won 't smile . He just concentrates too hard . Then once in a while he 'll giggle ( the camel made him giggle ) . What a nice afternoon with my family . Apparently all the sheep wanted to see Zachariah when we were walking by . He loved that he could reach out and touch the animals . We also visited the goats , cows , more cows , chickens , turkeys , ducks , rabbits , and more . Then of course we had to stop to see the tractors . Zachariah 's favorites are the antique tractors . His eyes get huge and he says " rrrm rrrm " . As you can see in this picture he 's trying to figure out how to start it . They had some really exotic animals at the petting zoo . This little camel was very friendly . He seemed really interested in us . Zachariah liked petting his head . And then when Matt turned around , the camel tried to eat Zac 's arm . He just put his lips on him , but it was funny . Zachariah gave Matt and funny look , and I just burst out laughing . And as usual , Zachariah is not satisfied until he can pet ( or hug if possible ) every animal within his reach . Matt took Zachariah for his first pony ride . He loved it ( again no smiling ) . By the time he got off the pony and I asked him about it he was really smiling . I could tell he loved it . Then we rested when we got home . We were very hotPosted by Dearest Vandalizer , While I 'm not happy about you breaking into my car , there are many things that I am happy about . First of all thanks for emptying the contents of my glove compartment all over the seat . That makes it much easier for me to clean and reorganize . Thanks for leaving everything in my car . Apparently you are not a parent . Otherwise you would recognize that I have a car seat worth about $ 150 or more in my backseat . And there is a $ 200 stroller in the back . But instead , you just riffled through my paper napkins , old CD 's , gum and candy stash , and silly car papers . Yep that was worth all the trouble you went through to take nothing . Thanks for noticing the my cheapo sunglasses are cheapo and leaving them there without a scratch . With all those silly things I do have to tell you about the things I 'm truly grateful for . I 'm glad I accidentally left my car unlocked . Otherwise I would be making an insurance claim when you broke a window or scratched up my doors . I 'm glad you broke before the torrential rains started , and thanks for shutting the doors on your way out . I 'm glad that you didn 't take the time to walk 6 feet to my front door . I 'm glad that I did lock my front door . I 'm glad that my family was safe and sound inside . I 'm glad that my precious baby was asleep in his crib . I 'm glad that my precious baby isn 't old enough to know what happened and how wrong it truly was . How wonderful that he is young and innocent to the sick , sick world I live in . Thanks for making me remember to tell my family how much I love them again … just because . Thanks for helping my home become more secure , because now I triple check that my car doors and house doors are all locked . Thanks for making us realize that we need a motion - detector on our garage . Thanks for not scaring me but instead empowering me . Sincerely , Mommy DaisyP . S . No , sir , I don 't leave my car keys or money in my car . There was change . . . I guess you didn 't need that . I 've been really boring lately . The things I could blog about , I don 't really feel like it right now . So , since I haven 't posted as much lately , I thought I should give you something . Since it 's my blog , I 'm showing you new pictures of my adorable 17 month old son . So there . This was taken at the Ft . Wayne Children 's Zoo . We went there on Saturday with my parents . Grandpa and Grandma took Zachariah for a river ride through the Australian outback . He loved it , but he wanted to get in the water . Then when I took this picture , he wanted to get out and come see me . I was running through the exhibit waiting to see them come through , so I could snap a few pictures . A few weeks ago we took Zachariah to the park in the town near my parents ' house . I thought this was a cute father / son moment . Usually I take Zac to the park on my own . So it was really fun to see Matt chasing him around , helping him play on anything he wanted , again and again sometimes . Finally , a cute picture of my son being cheesy . He hasn 't gotten the hang of smiling for the camera yet , but this particular day this is what he did what I aimed the camera at him and said " smile " . Posted by We needed this rain . We were in a drought . But did we have to get a whole summer 's worth of rain in one day ? Did we really ? And the forecast for the rest of the week is rain , rain , and more rain . Yuck ! The problem here is that we have sprung a leak . The roof is leaking around the chimney . It is dripping into our utility closet onto the furnace , hot water heater , and other things . There is not much we can do about it right now . Matt is quite concerned about it . I know it 's probably a problem , but I don 't know how seriously to take him . You see , Matt is a worrier . He comes by it honestly , as his mother is a worrier too . So he goes to the worst case scenario and sometimes exaggerates problems . I will just stand back and let him take care of it . I can offer my help if it 's needed . For now we have to wait until it stops raining . That doesn 't look promising to be any time soon . My co worker 's daughter had her baby this weekend . This makes her a first - time grandma . The daughter is only 17 years old . She 'll soon be starting her senior year in high school . She lives in an apartment with friends . The baby came 4 weeks early and surprised everyone . The girl had planned with her friends to go tent camping in Kentucky 2 weeks from now . Her mom asked her what she 'd do it she went into labor . She said " I guess I 'll go outside the tent and give birth to the baby " . Wow , very immature . I knew this before , but geesh ! Anyway , now she 's happy that the baby was born in the hospital instead of in the middle of nowhere . He is in the special care nursery on oxygen . I haven 't heard many more details , so I don 't know if there is a bigger problem or it 's just from his prematurity . I know that during labor she had her mother , the baby 's father ( her ex - boyfriend ) , and her current boyfriend in the room . Another ex - boyfriend and her father were in the waiting room . Oh my . I guess the nurse mentioned that it seemed like a soap opera . The mother told her she had no idea how bad it really is . I honestly didn 't know . I knew they had been through a lPosted by I just started reading the Ribbons of Steel Series by Judith Pella and Tracie Peterson . In the first two chapters of the first book , Distant Dreams , they are introducing the family in the story . So far here are the children 's names : Virginia , York , Carolina , Georgia , Pennsylvania ( aka Penny ) , and Maryland . At the beginning they introduce Carolina ( who I believe the stories will be mostly about ) , and I think that 's a beautiful name . Then in the 2nd chapter I read about her older sister Virginia and soon after , York . I started to see the theme and wondered about it a bit . Then it got all crazy when at the end of the second chapter when they introduced the other sisters : Georgia , Penny , and Maryland . Cute ? Or a little overboard ? HA , HA , after I wrote the draft of this I found another child in the family during the 3rd chapter . Their oldest son 's name is Maine . The family seems to get plenty of good - natured ribbing from friends about their name choices . The book is set in 1835 , so they tease about needing to add more states to the union so this family will have more names for more kids . AND I just read in chapter 5 that there were two babies from this family that died from " fever " at a young age : Hampshire and Tennessee . What do you think about families that have theme names ? Do you know any ? I know two families that have all " J " names . One is a family of 4 and the other has 5 children . Jay , Jennifer ( Jenny ) , Joel , Justin . Jay , Josh ( probably Joshua ) , Jody , Joy , Jill . Then there is the Duggar family with 17 " J " name children . I 'm trying to think if I know any other families with themed names , but I can 't think of any right now . I did know of twin girls ( from when I subbed ) whose names were Summer and Autumn . I also think it 's a different situation with twins . You definitely want their names to sound good together . We have 3 sets of twins where I tutor : Shontel and Montel ( girl / boy ) , Shamaria and Shamerika ( girls ) , and Brooke and Briana ( girls ) . All their names kind of go together . In my family we all have biblical names Posted by First an update on Zachariah . He is feeling much better this morning . Thanks for your well wishes . He woke up happy and wanting to eat . That 's back to normal for him . He ate a good breakfast , then went to play with his toys and chased the dog . Yep , I believe he 's back to his normal self . I heard from Matt 's aunt today . His cousin is expecting twins in a few months or so . She went in for an ultrasound that does a full body scan for each baby . During this they discovered that she was having contractions and her cervix was thin . They immediately hospitalized her and monitored her that night . The next day they did surgery to tie up the cervix . She came through the surgery well . Cheryl is on complete bed rest for 24 hours after the surgery . The doctor said she would probably remain on " hospitalized " bed rest until the babies arrive . The doctors would like to have her go at least 32 weeks , she is currently 20 weeks . She and her family are just taking it day by day and considering each day a blessing . This is her first pregnancy . Everything has gone perfectly until this . She didn 't have any morning sickness or anything . Please if you will pray for Cheryl and the babies ( and her family ) or send good thoughts her way . My son has a fever . He started feeling hot Sunday afternoon . We were out of town visiting our parents and siblings . Matt 's brother was in from Kansas . Zachariah had slept a lot that morning and didn 't eat much breakfast , but he seemed to play OK and we weren 't too concerned . When we were at Matt 's parents ' for lunch , I noticed that his head felt very hot . I didn 't think it was the heat outside causing it though . We hadn 't been there long enough for him to be hot and his cheeks weren 't rosy like they usually get when he 's hot from the heat . He was hungry before lunch , so we let him munch from the fruit platter . That seemed to satisfy him for a while , and he played a little . Although he was not interested in playing with his aunt and uncle who we hardly ever see . Then while we were all eating dinner , he got really clingy and wanted to sit on my lap . That 's pretty unusual for him . Normally he 'd keep eating , or he 'd want down to run around . He was leaning his head on my shoulder . Then he suddenly seemed VERY sleepy . It scared me , actually , how he was being really lethargic . We decided to put him down for a nap . There isn 't really anywhere at Matt 's parents ' to lay Zac down . We usually just go back to my parents ' house ( who live about 4 - 5 miles away ) , but I knew Matt wanted to see Ben for a while longer . I took Zachariah upstairs and laid on the bed in an air conditioned room with him . He fell asleep almost instantly , but he wanted to cuddle with me even as hot as he was . We had taken everything off but his diaper , and he was still just burning up . After laying with him for over 2 hours ( I didn 't have a clock or I would have made him get up sooner ) , I decided to wake him up so we could go . He was still really out of it and hot . We got our things around and started out of there . He just sat and cried while I was getting things ready to go . Matt held him and he didn 't even seem to notice . It was a whiny , pathetic , I - don 't - feel - good cry . And he wouldn 't say goodbye to his grandparents or aunt or uncle . He just stared out thePosted by I can 't stop thinking about babies lately . Well , having one of my own , to be more precise . I 'm up late tonight . And what am I doing to occupy my time ? Looking at baby names of course . I really don 't know why . Last night I re - organized Zachariah 's closet . My excuse was to look and see what clothes he has for the fall season . But I always love going through his cute little clothes . Then I got thinking about baby clothes , and those teeny , tiny sleepers that were oh so soft . I 've been looking at pictures of other people 's babies and really missing that infant / newborn stage . I see the little one cuddled on their shoulder , and I remember those precious moments to clearly . I can almost taste that new baby smell . And feel the softness of the baby skin on my arm . And the comfy , soft sleepers . I 've been checking online ovulation calendars . And I think if I was pregnant right now , I 'd be due in April . And I would be almost 5 weeks pregnant , just in time to hear the heartbeat . When I heard Zachariah stirring in his bed a little while ago , I snuck in just to hold him for a little bit . He was so sleepy and cuddled right up , but his feet hang almost to my knees when I cradle him like that . Ahh , for his to be little again . He 's gaining so much Independence lately , and it makes me long more and more for those days when he wouldn 't let me put him down . I loved sitting there and rocking him for hours each day . Even if I didn 't get much time alone , it was nice to hold a little babe in my arms . I knew it wouldn 't last long . And it didn 't . And I miss it . And I can 't wait to have another baby . There is a lady who lived across the street from us . We 've never formally met her . We wave and say hello if we both happen to be at our mailboxes at the same time , though . I believe she is single , since there hasn 't been a certain man or children there all the time . Not knowing her , I really don 't know what she does . Sometimes she dresses in a white blouse and blue dress / uniform pants . This seems to be her " work clothes " , I think . She comes and goes at odd times . Wherever she does work , she must have inconsistent hours . There are different cars at this neighbors house a lot . We see people coming and going all the time . The cable company has been there many times in the last few weeks . We 're starting to wonder what in the world they 're doing in her hosue that is taking that long . Yesterday I even saw a man on a bicycle ride up to her house , go to her front door , and talk to her for a few minutes . I think he left after that . I didn 't stick around to find out . I 'm not a terribly nosy neighbor ( Matt is sometimes , though ) . But we have an easy view of this lady 's front door right out of our dining room window . Our dining room is right next ( or part of ) the entrance to our house . Plus we go through it to get to the kitchen on one side and the living room on the other . So , we see out the window a lot . Or when we 're eating breakfast , lunch , or dinner , we see out it . Today after seeing a truck that I 've never seen there before , I started wondering . What in the world is going on that she has people over all the time ? Then I come to a realization that maybe . . . just maybe . . . she 's running a " business " from her home that I really don 't want to know about . It would explain a lot of things ! And here I thought we lived in a nice , quiet neighborhood . I had this post ready to submit , then we lost our Internet again for the rest of the day , so here I am FINALLY on Friday able to post this . Let 's hope nothing stops me this time . I have had too many things going on here lately . I think I 'll just let this post be a rambling one . Then maybe I 'll feel like I 'm all caught up , instead of worrying that I haven 't post in 2 days . 1 . We lost our Internet yesterday . I had spent the whole morning trying to finish a book that was due back at the library that day . So , I hadn 't even turned my laptop on * gasp * . I usually have it on all day long , and check blogs and e - mail whenever I had a spare moment or two . It was off for the whole rest of the day . Our cable Internet provider had problems that took longer than expected to fix . So , finally I can check blogs and post a new one today . 2 . I have been reading like crazy lately . I 'm not sure why , but I do tend to go in spurts . Part of the reason is I realized on Saturday that all my books were due back to the library on Wednesday , and I still had 2 books to finish . So , I read one over the course of Saturday , Sunday , and Monday . Then sometime Tuesday afternoon or evening I started the last book , and I finished it before noon on Wednesday . Then since we didn 't have Internet and I was bored , I took the books back and got more . I already started one , and I 'm almost half through it already . I just read whenever I had a few stolen moments and don 't feel like being on the computer or watching TV or cleaning or take care of my kiddo . 3 . Today I watched my friend 's son for a little while . She was in a pinch and needed a sitter . I didn 't mind . It was nice to have someone for Zachariah to play with for a while . They did play OK with each other , but I broke up some little spats . The other little boy is 21 months , so he 's just a little older than Zac ( who is 17 months ) . He 's definitely more aggressive . Zachariah got beamed a few times . And to be fair Zachariah smacked him in the head once or twice . Mostly the problems were that they wanted to play Posted by I hate when Matt buys things for himself . He immediately stresses out about how we 're going to pay for things the rest of the month . Which is really silly , because we budget our money and track where it 's going . He 's only using money for clothes that he already budgeted for clothes . Ahhh . He goes on and on and gets so stressed that I absorb it and feel terribly stressed too . Then I begin to wonder if I should go to work full - time or get a weekend job , just so we can afford to keep clothes on our backs . But as soon as we get home , he turns on the computer , checks the bank account , and declares that everything will be OK . There is enough money after all . We 're right on budget , and there is still more than enough money in our savings account . Why does he do this ? I have no idea . I think any big purchase just pushes him over the edge for some reason . And tonight it was just buying new clothes . I think he panicked when he saw the total of his clothes and Zachariah 's . He had already mentally calculated what the total would be on what he was buying . Then I go and throw in 3 outfits for Zac , and panic - mode is in full effect . I just need to remember that he always does this . There really is no reason to listen to him go on and on about money , and how he can 't even buy the ice cream at the grocery store that he wanted because he 's not sure we have enough money . We always have enough money . And usually , even with budgeting , we always have extra money to put into something that we hadn 't planned on . What is it with men and money ? I was at the mall today with Zachariah . I knew I needed to stop at Old Navy , especially after Swistle was talking all about their online sale . And yes ! they had an in - store sale too . We found this hat , and since Zachariah loves hats I thought I 'd get it for him . In the store it was on sale for 1 / 2 price , so we got it for $ 2 . 75 YEAH ! Then they had several of these polo shirts for $ 7 . 00 each . I love polo shirts , and Zachariah can wear them well . And when I was looking on a clearance rack , I found this denim jacket . There were about 4 on the rack . 3 of them were 3T sizes , and the other one was a 12 - 18 month . That 's about what I thought he 'd wear , so I tried it on him . There is plenty of room , so I think it will make a nice fall jacket . AND it was way cheaper than it is online . There was not a tag on the size I needed , but all the others were marked $ 7 . 99 . I took one of those up to the register , and he was able to ring it up that way . YEAH ! Great deal . And I love it . And the guy running the register made a good point . These would look good together . So , there you have it . Cute , huh ? I think with jeans or khaki pants this will make a great outfit . After looking online I found some other cute shirts that I just may have to go back and get . We 'll see . I think a few of those long - sleeved T - shirts might be nice . And they 've been giving me surveys . I fill them out online then get 10 % off my purchase . That 's always great . I was disappointed the The Children 's Place didn 't have any sales in the store AT ALL . They have all their new fall line out , but everything else was basically gone . Hmm , I don 't usually like shopping online , but maybe I will this once . I see a few things there that I 'd like . . . like this T - shirt . Ugh , they 're out of our size . Oh well , guess I won 't get things from there after all . * * * * * Tonight I cut Zachariah 's hair . . . again . This is his 3rd haircut . His 2nd this summer alone . I went a little shorter this time . I didn 't buzz it too short , so I 'm hoping my mom won 't kill me . She liked it a bit longer . I think hePosted by Last week I got to visit with an old friend from high school . She and I and a few others used to hang together all the time . We were great friends , confidants , and always had fun when we were together . We were the good girls who still knew how to have a fun time . As to be expected , after high school we all went our own ways . We got together for weddings mostly . And we are all married now ( the last of us 5 got married in December ) . I was the first to be married . But I was the 2nd to have a baby . My friend Brenda got married 3 years ago and got pregnant on her honeymoon or shortly after . She was the first to get pregnant . Then a year later I had my Zachariah , and two months after that our friend Sara had a little boy too . Just after I had my son , Brenda found out she was pregnant again . This girl is fertile . We have never seen each others children , except in pictures . She moved to Little Rock , Arkansas shortly after getting married . That is quite a ways away from where we both grew up in Northwest Ohio . Brenda and her family are moving now . Her husband is starting a new job in South Bend , IN , which is so much closer . She came to visit her family while her husband is getting things moved . So she called to see if I 'd like to get together while she was in the area . I went to my mom 's house , because it is near where she was staying . She brought her little ones over , and we had such a great time catching up . Unfortunately I forgot about having my camera most of the time , but I managed to steal a few shots of her kids . Brenda has not changed one bit since high school . She looks great . Also here are her children : Maggie is 27 months old and Tommy is 7 months old . They are both adorable and sweet and remind me of their mother . It took them a while to warm up to me , and even then their mom had to be nearby . I can 't blame them , sometimes kids are just that way . Just because my kid isn 't afraid of anyone ( unless he thinks I 'm leaving him ) , doesn 't mean other peoples kids should be that way . Zachariah was trying to make friends wPosted by While I was at my mom 's house this week , my sister called . She wanted to tell us that her brother - in - law ( her husband 's brother ) was in a car accident with his friend ( who we also know ) . My first reaction was fear for these boys . Jordan ( a friend of Rachel 's brother - in - law ) was driving outside of their small town . He was going about 90MPH and then took a sharp curve way too fast . The car went off the road and through a utility pole . Rachel said they had lost power in town , but she didn 't find out until a while later that this was why . I don 't know many more details , but the car is a crunched up mess . Rachel said it 's just a ball of metal now . The amazing part is that the boys are both fine . They both walked away . Jordan was not wearing a seat belt , and he didn 't suffer any injuries . David was wearing a seat belt , and he had minor injuries . He had several stitches on his face from lacerations and his one ear was swollen shut . He has bruises and small scratches all over his body . But he is fine . From Rachel 's account it 's a miracle that they both came out of it fine . She said if you could see the car , you would question why either of them are still alive . I believe that angels were protecting them . After relaying this information to my mother that they were both OK , she made a good point . She said " What would Jordan 's mother do if something happened to him ? " While he 's only 19 years old , he is invaluable in extreme ways to his family . You see , Jordan 's father has severe MS ( multiple sclerosis ) . He was first diagnosed when Jordan was only 5 . Jordan is expected to help care for his father . He 's the only one in the house who can lift him and take him to the bathroom or the kitchen table or the couch in the living room . He does so many things daily to care for his dad . He is even going to a local college , so he can continue living at home . Moving out is not an option for this kid . He has grown up fast , and he realizes that he plays an important role in the family . I hope that this accident helps him to be a little more cautPosted by First I have to let you know I was away for a few days , so I missed out on posting . I 'm also catching up on my blog reading and commenting . I have stories to tell and several post ideas ( if I can remember them all ) , so I will be writing more later . For now I 'm tired and just feel like reading for a while before heading to bed . Tonight Matt and I were discussing briefly future children . He mentioned how much he 'd like for me to be able to quit tutoring before the next baby would arrive . I have thought that I would keep up my tutoring job for a while . I think I could still handle it with 2 kids , especially with one being a baby . Then he said IT . I almost couldn 't believe it . He said he 'd really like for me to not work at all ( which we 've discussed before ) . But he said " I really value what you do at home " . He went on to say that can 't imagine what our evenings / weekends would be like if we both worked full time . He knows that he wouldn 't have as much free time , because it would be tied up with both of us keeping up with the house and other things . I can 't imagine what it would be like either . I feel so blessed that I 've been able to stay home with my son . Our plan is for me to stay at home until all of our kids are in school . Then I don 't know what . Matt says then he just wants me to do what makes me happy . If it means going back to teaching , then so be it . Or if I decide to continue staying at home , that 's OK too . ( Which I suppose will have to happen if we decide to home school . ) It just meant so much to me to hear him say how much he notices and appreciates what I do here at home and with our son . It is always good to feel like what you do is valuable . Thank you , Matt . Thanks for you who participated . Sorry I forgot about you . It was a fluffernutter sandwich . He ate right through the middle for the ooey gooey goodness . He was a mess , as you can see . Thanks for playing along , but no one figured it out . ; ) I suppose for bonus points if you mentioned peaches , you 're right . He did eat those too . You can see them on his tray in the picture on the previous post . I am a mother . I have been married to Matt since 2000 , and we have two beautiful sons - Zachariah ( born March 2006 ) & Jonah ( born March 2013 ) . I am a licensed teacher , but I love being a stay at home mom . |
I should be dusting the living room right now , since I 've put it off all day . Or putting dishes away . Or making dinner before my husband gets home . But I felt like blogging for a little while . So , those other things can wait for a short while . * * * * * Matt just found out the my OB is moving out of town . He is not allowed to do that ! I love my OB . And I was hoping to go back to him when it was time with another pregnancy . Having him here was one of my two good reasons not to leave this town . He treated me like I was his only patient . He 's the only doctor in his office , so I always say him and only him for my appointments . I don 't know if I 'll find another doctor like him . His nurse ( who is also his wife and half his age ) was great . And she was pregnant with their first child when I was pregnant . Their baby was born about 3 months after Zachariah , and he was really cute . I 'll miss the energy and funny speech of this doctor . I hope that I can move on and be happy with someone new for my next pregnancy . * * * * * If you didn 't know already , Semi - Desperate Housewife had her baby yesterday . If you haven 't already , please go congratulate her . And doesn 't she look beautiful for having just given birth in those photos . I 'm very jealous . I was thinking about going to the hospital to see her today , but I can 't picture taking a toddler along while visiting in a small hospital room . So , at this point I will wait until she is happy and comfortable at home with that new baby . Then I 'll take some brownies and a gift for the baby to her . I can 't wait to hold that little cutie . * * * * * I have worked out every day this week . That 's pretty good for me . I 'm feeling pretty motivated to do it right now . I worked almost twice as long today . . . just because it felt good . Crazy ! I know . I was thinking about starting a weight loss / exercise blog just to put some of my thoughts into words . If I do I probably won 't make it public right away . Plus who knows how long I 'll stick with this . If I were , for example , to work out all weekend and next week , then maybPosted by Now you get to see the pictures of the new clothes I got for Zachariah . Shelly asked nicely , so I had to oblige . Plus I look in his closet at least once a day looking at the new things he has for fall . I just love new baby clothes ! My only fear this time is that some of the things will be too big . I bought two different sizes . Some will work well for fall , and I am hoping the rest will fit well by winter / early spring . We shall see . It was really hard deciding when sizes to get . Plus my son is very tall for his age . . . always has been . I bought a lot more tops than bottoms because of this . I have an idea of what size tops will fit , but pants is another story . He has a skinny waist and long legs . Not so much fun finding things that will fit him at this age . But I think I have a good start . And I know I will probably get more things as the season goes on . This is already the 3rd or 4th shopping trip I 've made in the last 2 months for his clothes . Here are the things I got this week : This first outfit looks like it will be really long . I bought the bigger size here , because I think I can make it work now anyway . The shirt will just be baggy , the pants I can roll up if needed , and I can adjust the straps . I got these two shirts to go under t - shirts . I bought quite a few short - sleeved tees on sale at Old Navy . Then he can wear them all winter . The color on this top is hard to see . It 's a green color with brown and white striped sleeves . It is soooo soft and cute . I couldn 't stop thinking about it . I think it will be one of my favs for him this winter or fall . This tee might be a little big for now , but I don 't think it will look back . Actually it will probably be really cute under the denim jacket he has . And he 's had a recent obsession with cars , trucks , tractors , and motorcycles . I think he 'll like this on . Plus it 's super soft like the other one I got at Baby Gap . And that ends the fashion show from this shopping trip . I would have him model the clothes , but he does not enjoy putting clothes off and on . I 'm sure you 'll sPosted by Why can 't I figure out this nap thing ? Zachariah will be 18 months old in 5 days . I heard that around then most toddlers will go to only 1 nap a day . Zachariah has been my two - naps - a - day kid for quite some time . For the last 6 months I 've been bracing myself for the inevitable change over to one nap a day . There were days when he wouldn 't lay down twice , so I thought we were definitely on the road there . Just when I thought I had him figured out , he would go back to two naps again . We don 't have a real solid schedule here . Bedtime is a big schedule we do stick to . We recognize that we must in this case , but otherwise we just go with the flow for the most part and it seems to agree with us . I know that he 'll get up at a general time , eat breakfast , play , need a nap , eat lunch , play , need another nap , eat a snack , come with my to tutor , play until dinner , eat , then a little more play until it 's bedtime . And then it 's bath time , getting dressed , snack , book , good nights , and to bed . So you can see there is a rhythm to our day . And when we need to run errands or get out of the house , they are usually scheduled around those nap times . Last week I thought we were done with that morning nap . Well . . . we were . We 've had some busy weekends , so by Monday morning Zachariah usually sleeps in . It 's like he needs to catch up a little from all the weekend excitement . Last week he slept in later than normal . Then he didn 't seem ready for a nap at the same interval that he usually would . Of course by then it was lunchtime . So we ate lunch , then played for a while before he got tired and needed a nap . Then he did a glorious thing . He took a 3 + hour nap . I didn 't mind one nap a day as long as it was a long one . When he tried the one nap thing before it didn 't go this well , so I was noticeably concerned . THIS I can handle . He did this almost every day last week . We did it , we transitioned into one nap with no problems . I was OK with it , he was OK with it . I think it worked , because he was sleeping in later each day . He would sleep 12 - 14Posted by I was bored this afternoon . I knew Matt had to work late , so I decided it was time for a shopping trip to the mall . I 've been wanting to go for a while , but the last few days I just haven 't felt like leaving the house . Being alone all day and all evening with a toddler is enough incentive to want to leave the house for a while . I didn 't feel like sitting at home any more . Zachariah does really well when we 're shopping . There is a lot for him to look at , so he 's usually really content . I had every intention of using a 15 % off coupon that I had for The Children 's Place . ( Here is the online code for 15 % off - FMM77 or FMF77 ; it expires 9 / 3 / 07 . ) But nothing struck my fancy in there . Shocking , because I can usually find something that I like . When I actually want to spend money and have a coupon , I don 't see anything . Grr . Oh well , on to Old Navy . Those are the two stores I get most of Zachariah 's clothes from . I looked around there and didn 't see too much I liked . I did see a few of the long - sleeved shirts that I 've mentioned possibly getting before . But they were full - price this time , so I think I 'll wait until they are on sale again . I even had a 10 % off coupon here , and I bought nothing again . I was beginning to think I wasn 't going to buy any clothes . I stopped into Baby Gap and browsed their clearance rack . There were a few winter sweaters I liked there , but I think I 'll wait on that . I saw two cute shirts on clearance that I almost bought , but then I decided not to this time . Then I headed into JC Penny 's . I have bought one or two things there before , but not for a while . They were having their buy one get one for $ 0 . 88 sale . I found a little denim overall piece and red plaid flannel shirt . Not normally something I 'd get , but I like denim overalls on toddlers . It will be a cute outfit for playing outdoors this fall . And they had character outfits on sale . I bought a " Cars " shirt . Zachariah is really into cars and trains lately , so I thought he might like it . It 's a striped polo shirt and very cute . I went to one mPosted by So , Erica over at All Dressed Up started her own meme . I like it , so I will try to keep it going . Here are the questions : Childhood Meme1 . When you were in grade school , what did you want to be when you grew up ? Is that what you do now ? 2 . What was you favorite children 's book / story ? 3 . What was THE band / singer of your youth ? You know , the one who 's posters were in your locker and on your bedroom walls ? 4 . What 's the most cringe - worthy fashion " don 't " you used to wear regularly ? 5 . High school - loved it or hated it ? Why ? And here are my answers : 1 . I always wanted to be a mommy and a teacher or a missionary . I got 2 out of 3 so far . And I 'm not ruling out a short - term missions trip at some point in my life . 2 . Hmm , I don 't remember a particular favorite . I 've always loved reading books . I read the Sweet Valley Twins books ( and Sweet Valley High and Sweet Valley University ) . I loved any Lurlene McDaniel books ( I especially loved the One Last Wish books . ) in Middle School . I remember reading about 1 a day , which meant that I quickly got through the collection that the library had . And I also liked the biography books at the school library , but that 's not something I read now . I wonder when I stopped reading them . We also loved Dr . Seuss books when we were really young ( and I still love them ) . 3 . I didn 't get into music too much when I was little . But I do remember listening to New Kids on the Block and Paula Abdul at friends houses . 4 . Wow , I think there are too many to name . I had a pair of pink " biker " shorts that I would wear under a long t - shirt . Yikes , what was I thinking ? I wore them all summer long . I loved them and of course thought I was very cool . 5 . I did like high school . I had a great group of friends that I still keep in touch with . And I met and dated my husband in high school , so I can 't complain . Would I do it again ? Nope ! Not even for money . We were away for another weekend . This time it was only Friday night and Saturday . Then we were back home . Boy this is getting tiring being away over - night every weekend . This is at least the 3rd week in a row we 've done this . And we 've been at my parents ' house each time . The occasion this weekend was a get together with my mom 's family . I usually only see my cousin once a year ( twice if someone gets married or something like that ) . She and I are the two oldest cousins and we 're 18 months apart in age , so we 've always been close . As we both started going to college we talked much less . Then we both got married , and we moved farther apart . We both have very busy lives and it 's so hard to keep in touch . They came with my aunt and uncle to my parents house . We were all going to camp outside , but the weather didn 't cooperate . My aunt and uncle did bring their RV still , so they stayed in the driveway with it . We had a lot of fun . They all love to play games . . . card games , board games , word games , etc . I do too , but I don 't get to very often . Matt will sometimes play with me , but not often . So I had a great time learning new games they 'd brought . We stayed up late talking , and then went swimming the next afternoon when the weather cleared up . There were lots of snacks and good food to eat and a cookout for lunch . We all had such a good time . And we vowed to try keeping in better touch . Only time will tell if that will happen . And we can look forward to the possibility of seeing each other at Christmas . Hopefully that will work out for everyone . So , how about you ? What did you do this weekend ? Anything fun ? ( I should add that we spent Sunday napping and lazing about . Well , some of us , Matt did mow the yard . Ha . ) Today Matt took the afternoon off from work . I didn 't go in to tutor . And Zachariah skipped his afternoon nap . We all had to sacrifice something . HA ! We went to our county fair . It was a super hot day . The temperature was around 95 , with the humidity it felt like 100 . And then the sun was beating down on us the whole time . But we still spent a few hours there visiting all the animals in the barns , then going to the petting zoo , seeing tractors and other things on display , eating , taking a pony ride , getting ice cream , and then heading home . It was a lot of fun . And although you won 't see any smiles from Zachariah , he really did have fun . I just laugh at him sometimes , because he can be so serious . You can just tell that he 's taking everything in and really enjoying it , but he won 't smile . He just concentrates too hard . Then once in a while he 'll giggle ( the camel made him giggle ) . What a nice afternoon with my family . Apparently all the sheep wanted to see Zachariah when we were walking by . He loved that he could reach out and touch the animals . We also visited the goats , cows , more cows , chickens , turkeys , ducks , rabbits , and more . Then of course we had to stop to see the tractors . Zachariah 's favorites are the antique tractors . His eyes get huge and he says " rrrm rrrm " . As you can see in this picture he 's trying to figure out how to start it . They had some really exotic animals at the petting zoo . This little camel was very friendly . He seemed really interested in us . Zachariah liked petting his head . And then when Matt turned around , the camel tried to eat Zac 's arm . He just put his lips on him , but it was funny . Zachariah gave Matt and funny look , and I just burst out laughing . And as usual , Zachariah is not satisfied until he can pet ( or hug if possible ) every animal within his reach . Matt took Zachariah for his first pony ride . He loved it ( again no smiling ) . By the time he got off the pony and I asked him about it he was really smiling . I could tell he loved it . Then we rested when we got home . We were very hotPosted by Dearest Vandalizer , While I 'm not happy about you breaking into my car , there are many things that I am happy about . First of all thanks for emptying the contents of my glove compartment all over the seat . That makes it much easier for me to clean and reorganize . Thanks for leaving everything in my car . Apparently you are not a parent . Otherwise you would recognize that I have a car seat worth about $ 150 or more in my backseat . And there is a $ 200 stroller in the back . But instead , you just riffled through my paper napkins , old CD 's , gum and candy stash , and silly car papers . Yep that was worth all the trouble you went through to take nothing . Thanks for noticing the my cheapo sunglasses are cheapo and leaving them there without a scratch . With all those silly things I do have to tell you about the things I 'm truly grateful for . I 'm glad I accidentally left my car unlocked . Otherwise I would be making an insurance claim when you broke a window or scratched up my doors . I 'm glad you broke before the torrential rains started , and thanks for shutting the doors on your way out . I 'm glad that you didn 't take the time to walk 6 feet to my front door . I 'm glad that I did lock my front door . I 'm glad that my family was safe and sound inside . I 'm glad that my precious baby was asleep in his crib . I 'm glad that my precious baby isn 't old enough to know what happened and how wrong it truly was . How wonderful that he is young and innocent to the sick , sick world I live in . Thanks for making me remember to tell my family how much I love them again … just because . Thanks for helping my home become more secure , because now I triple check that my car doors and house doors are all locked . Thanks for making us realize that we need a motion - detector on our garage . Thanks for not scaring me but instead empowering me . Sincerely , Mommy DaisyP . S . No , sir , I don 't leave my car keys or money in my car . There was change . . . I guess you didn 't need that . I 've been really boring lately . The things I could blog about , I don 't really feel like it right now . So , since I haven 't posted as much lately , I thought I should give you something . Since it 's my blog , I 'm showing you new pictures of my adorable 17 month old son . So there . This was taken at the Ft . Wayne Children 's Zoo . We went there on Saturday with my parents . Grandpa and Grandma took Zachariah for a river ride through the Australian outback . He loved it , but he wanted to get in the water . Then when I took this picture , he wanted to get out and come see me . I was running through the exhibit waiting to see them come through , so I could snap a few pictures . A few weeks ago we took Zachariah to the park in the town near my parents ' house . I thought this was a cute father / son moment . Usually I take Zac to the park on my own . So it was really fun to see Matt chasing him around , helping him play on anything he wanted , again and again sometimes . Finally , a cute picture of my son being cheesy . He hasn 't gotten the hang of smiling for the camera yet , but this particular day this is what he did what I aimed the camera at him and said " smile " . Posted by We needed this rain . We were in a drought . But did we have to get a whole summer 's worth of rain in one day ? Did we really ? And the forecast for the rest of the week is rain , rain , and more rain . Yuck ! The problem here is that we have sprung a leak . The roof is leaking around the chimney . It is dripping into our utility closet onto the furnace , hot water heater , and other things . There is not much we can do about it right now . Matt is quite concerned about it . I know it 's probably a problem , but I don 't know how seriously to take him . You see , Matt is a worrier . He comes by it honestly , as his mother is a worrier too . So he goes to the worst case scenario and sometimes exaggerates problems . I will just stand back and let him take care of it . I can offer my help if it 's needed . For now we have to wait until it stops raining . That doesn 't look promising to be any time soon . My co worker 's daughter had her baby this weekend . This makes her a first - time grandma . The daughter is only 17 years old . She 'll soon be starting her senior year in high school . She lives in an apartment with friends . The baby came 4 weeks early and surprised everyone . The girl had planned with her friends to go tent camping in Kentucky 2 weeks from now . Her mom asked her what she 'd do it she went into labor . She said " I guess I 'll go outside the tent and give birth to the baby " . Wow , very immature . I knew this before , but geesh ! Anyway , now she 's happy that the baby was born in the hospital instead of in the middle of nowhere . He is in the special care nursery on oxygen . I haven 't heard many more details , so I don 't know if there is a bigger problem or it 's just from his prematurity . I know that during labor she had her mother , the baby 's father ( her ex - boyfriend ) , and her current boyfriend in the room . Another ex - boyfriend and her father were in the waiting room . Oh my . I guess the nurse mentioned that it seemed like a soap opera . The mother told her she had no idea how bad it really is . I honestly didn 't know . I knew they had been through a lPosted by I just started reading the Ribbons of Steel Series by Judith Pella and Tracie Peterson . In the first two chapters of the first book , Distant Dreams , they are introducing the family in the story . So far here are the children 's names : Virginia , York , Carolina , Georgia , Pennsylvania ( aka Penny ) , and Maryland . At the beginning they introduce Carolina ( who I believe the stories will be mostly about ) , and I think that 's a beautiful name . Then in the 2nd chapter I read about her older sister Virginia and soon after , York . I started to see the theme and wondered about it a bit . Then it got all crazy when at the end of the second chapter when they introduced the other sisters : Georgia , Penny , and Maryland . Cute ? Or a little overboard ? HA , HA , after I wrote the draft of this I found another child in the family during the 3rd chapter . Their oldest son 's name is Maine . The family seems to get plenty of good - natured ribbing from friends about their name choices . The book is set in 1835 , so they tease about needing to add more states to the union so this family will have more names for more kids . AND I just read in chapter 5 that there were two babies from this family that died from " fever " at a young age : Hampshire and Tennessee . What do you think about families that have theme names ? Do you know any ? I know two families that have all " J " names . One is a family of 4 and the other has 5 children . Jay , Jennifer ( Jenny ) , Joel , Justin . Jay , Josh ( probably Joshua ) , Jody , Joy , Jill . Then there is the Duggar family with 17 " J " name children . I 'm trying to think if I know any other families with themed names , but I can 't think of any right now . I did know of twin girls ( from when I subbed ) whose names were Summer and Autumn . I also think it 's a different situation with twins . You definitely want their names to sound good together . We have 3 sets of twins where I tutor : Shontel and Montel ( girl / boy ) , Shamaria and Shamerika ( girls ) , and Brooke and Briana ( girls ) . All their names kind of go together . In my family we all have biblical names Posted by First an update on Zachariah . He is feeling much better this morning . Thanks for your well wishes . He woke up happy and wanting to eat . That 's back to normal for him . He ate a good breakfast , then went to play with his toys and chased the dog . Yep , I believe he 's back to his normal self . I heard from Matt 's aunt today . His cousin is expecting twins in a few months or so . She went in for an ultrasound that does a full body scan for each baby . During this they discovered that she was having contractions and her cervix was thin . They immediately hospitalized her and monitored her that night . The next day they did surgery to tie up the cervix . She came through the surgery well . Cheryl is on complete bed rest for 24 hours after the surgery . The doctor said she would probably remain on " hospitalized " bed rest until the babies arrive . The doctors would like to have her go at least 32 weeks , she is currently 20 weeks . She and her family are just taking it day by day and considering each day a blessing . This is her first pregnancy . Everything has gone perfectly until this . She didn 't have any morning sickness or anything . Please if you will pray for Cheryl and the babies ( and her family ) or send good thoughts her way . My son has a fever . He started feeling hot Sunday afternoon . We were out of town visiting our parents and siblings . Matt 's brother was in from Kansas . Zachariah had slept a lot that morning and didn 't eat much breakfast , but he seemed to play OK and we weren 't too concerned . When we were at Matt 's parents ' for lunch , I noticed that his head felt very hot . I didn 't think it was the heat outside causing it though . We hadn 't been there long enough for him to be hot and his cheeks weren 't rosy like they usually get when he 's hot from the heat . He was hungry before lunch , so we let him munch from the fruit platter . That seemed to satisfy him for a while , and he played a little . Although he was not interested in playing with his aunt and uncle who we hardly ever see . Then while we were all eating dinner , he got really clingy and wanted to sit on my lap . That 's pretty unusual for him . Normally he 'd keep eating , or he 'd want down to run around . He was leaning his head on my shoulder . Then he suddenly seemed VERY sleepy . It scared me , actually , how he was being really lethargic . We decided to put him down for a nap . There isn 't really anywhere at Matt 's parents ' to lay Zac down . We usually just go back to my parents ' house ( who live about 4 - 5 miles away ) , but I knew Matt wanted to see Ben for a while longer . I took Zachariah upstairs and laid on the bed in an air conditioned room with him . He fell asleep almost instantly , but he wanted to cuddle with me even as hot as he was . We had taken everything off but his diaper , and he was still just burning up . After laying with him for over 2 hours ( I didn 't have a clock or I would have made him get up sooner ) , I decided to wake him up so we could go . He was still really out of it and hot . We got our things around and started out of there . He just sat and cried while I was getting things ready to go . Matt held him and he didn 't even seem to notice . It was a whiny , pathetic , I - don 't - feel - good cry . And he wouldn 't say goodbye to his grandparents or aunt or uncle . He just stared out thePosted by I can 't stop thinking about babies lately . Well , having one of my own , to be more precise . I 'm up late tonight . And what am I doing to occupy my time ? Looking at baby names of course . I really don 't know why . Last night I re - organized Zachariah 's closet . My excuse was to look and see what clothes he has for the fall season . But I always love going through his cute little clothes . Then I got thinking about baby clothes , and those teeny , tiny sleepers that were oh so soft . I 've been looking at pictures of other people 's babies and really missing that infant / newborn stage . I see the little one cuddled on their shoulder , and I remember those precious moments to clearly . I can almost taste that new baby smell . And feel the softness of the baby skin on my arm . And the comfy , soft sleepers . I 've been checking online ovulation calendars . And I think if I was pregnant right now , I 'd be due in April . And I would be almost 5 weeks pregnant , just in time to hear the heartbeat . When I heard Zachariah stirring in his bed a little while ago , I snuck in just to hold him for a little bit . He was so sleepy and cuddled right up , but his feet hang almost to my knees when I cradle him like that . Ahh , for his to be little again . He 's gaining so much Independence lately , and it makes me long more and more for those days when he wouldn 't let me put him down . I loved sitting there and rocking him for hours each day . Even if I didn 't get much time alone , it was nice to hold a little babe in my arms . I knew it wouldn 't last long . And it didn 't . And I miss it . And I can 't wait to have another baby . There is a lady who lived across the street from us . We 've never formally met her . We wave and say hello if we both happen to be at our mailboxes at the same time , though . I believe she is single , since there hasn 't been a certain man or children there all the time . Not knowing her , I really don 't know what she does . Sometimes she dresses in a white blouse and blue dress / uniform pants . This seems to be her " work clothes " , I think . She comes and goes at odd times . Wherever she does work , she must have inconsistent hours . There are different cars at this neighbors house a lot . We see people coming and going all the time . The cable company has been there many times in the last few weeks . We 're starting to wonder what in the world they 're doing in her hosue that is taking that long . Yesterday I even saw a man on a bicycle ride up to her house , go to her front door , and talk to her for a few minutes . I think he left after that . I didn 't stick around to find out . I 'm not a terribly nosy neighbor ( Matt is sometimes , though ) . But we have an easy view of this lady 's front door right out of our dining room window . Our dining room is right next ( or part of ) the entrance to our house . Plus we go through it to get to the kitchen on one side and the living room on the other . So , we see out the window a lot . Or when we 're eating breakfast , lunch , or dinner , we see out it . Today after seeing a truck that I 've never seen there before , I started wondering . What in the world is going on that she has people over all the time ? Then I come to a realization that maybe . . . just maybe . . . she 's running a " business " from her home that I really don 't want to know about . It would explain a lot of things ! And here I thought we lived in a nice , quiet neighborhood . I had this post ready to submit , then we lost our Internet again for the rest of the day , so here I am FINALLY on Friday able to post this . Let 's hope nothing stops me this time . I have had too many things going on here lately . I think I 'll just let this post be a rambling one . Then maybe I 'll feel like I 'm all caught up , instead of worrying that I haven 't post in 2 days . 1 . We lost our Internet yesterday . I had spent the whole morning trying to finish a book that was due back at the library that day . So , I hadn 't even turned my laptop on * gasp * . I usually have it on all day long , and check blogs and e - mail whenever I had a spare moment or two . It was off for the whole rest of the day . Our cable Internet provider had problems that took longer than expected to fix . So , finally I can check blogs and post a new one today . 2 . I have been reading like crazy lately . I 'm not sure why , but I do tend to go in spurts . Part of the reason is I realized on Saturday that all my books were due back to the library on Wednesday , and I still had 2 books to finish . So , I read one over the course of Saturday , Sunday , and Monday . Then sometime Tuesday afternoon or evening I started the last book , and I finished it before noon on Wednesday . Then since we didn 't have Internet and I was bored , I took the books back and got more . I already started one , and I 'm almost half through it already . I just read whenever I had a few stolen moments and don 't feel like being on the computer or watching TV or cleaning or take care of my kiddo . 3 . Today I watched my friend 's son for a little while . She was in a pinch and needed a sitter . I didn 't mind . It was nice to have someone for Zachariah to play with for a while . They did play OK with each other , but I broke up some little spats . The other little boy is 21 months , so he 's just a little older than Zac ( who is 17 months ) . He 's definitely more aggressive . Zachariah got beamed a few times . And to be fair Zachariah smacked him in the head once or twice . Mostly the problems were that they wanted to play Posted by I hate when Matt buys things for himself . He immediately stresses out about how we 're going to pay for things the rest of the month . Which is really silly , because we budget our money and track where it 's going . He 's only using money for clothes that he already budgeted for clothes . Ahhh . He goes on and on and gets so stressed that I absorb it and feel terribly stressed too . Then I begin to wonder if I should go to work full - time or get a weekend job , just so we can afford to keep clothes on our backs . But as soon as we get home , he turns on the computer , checks the bank account , and declares that everything will be OK . There is enough money after all . We 're right on budget , and there is still more than enough money in our savings account . Why does he do this ? I have no idea . I think any big purchase just pushes him over the edge for some reason . And tonight it was just buying new clothes . I think he panicked when he saw the total of his clothes and Zachariah 's . He had already mentally calculated what the total would be on what he was buying . Then I go and throw in 3 outfits for Zac , and panic - mode is in full effect . I just need to remember that he always does this . There really is no reason to listen to him go on and on about money , and how he can 't even buy the ice cream at the grocery store that he wanted because he 's not sure we have enough money . We always have enough money . And usually , even with budgeting , we always have extra money to put into something that we hadn 't planned on . What is it with men and money ? I was at the mall today with Zachariah . I knew I needed to stop at Old Navy , especially after Swistle was talking all about their online sale . And yes ! they had an in - store sale too . We found this hat , and since Zachariah loves hats I thought I 'd get it for him . In the store it was on sale for 1 / 2 price , so we got it for $ 2 . 75 YEAH ! Then they had several of these polo shirts for $ 7 . 00 each . I love polo shirts , and Zachariah can wear them well . And when I was looking on a clearance rack , I found this denim jacket . There were about 4 on the rack . 3 of them were 3T sizes , and the other one was a 12 - 18 month . That 's about what I thought he 'd wear , so I tried it on him . There is plenty of room , so I think it will make a nice fall jacket . AND it was way cheaper than it is online . There was not a tag on the size I needed , but all the others were marked $ 7 . 99 . I took one of those up to the register , and he was able to ring it up that way . YEAH ! Great deal . And I love it . And the guy running the register made a good point . These would look good together . So , there you have it . Cute , huh ? I think with jeans or khaki pants this will make a great outfit . After looking online I found some other cute shirts that I just may have to go back and get . We 'll see . I think a few of those long - sleeved T - shirts might be nice . And they 've been giving me surveys . I fill them out online then get 10 % off my purchase . That 's always great . I was disappointed the The Children 's Place didn 't have any sales in the store AT ALL . They have all their new fall line out , but everything else was basically gone . Hmm , I don 't usually like shopping online , but maybe I will this once . I see a few things there that I 'd like . . . like this T - shirt . Ugh , they 're out of our size . Oh well , guess I won 't get things from there after all . * * * * * Tonight I cut Zachariah 's hair . . . again . This is his 3rd haircut . His 2nd this summer alone . I went a little shorter this time . I didn 't buzz it too short , so I 'm hoping my mom won 't kill me . She liked it a bit longer . I think hePosted by Last week I got to visit with an old friend from high school . She and I and a few others used to hang together all the time . We were great friends , confidants , and always had fun when we were together . We were the good girls who still knew how to have a fun time . As to be expected , after high school we all went our own ways . We got together for weddings mostly . And we are all married now ( the last of us 5 got married in December ) . I was the first to be married . But I was the 2nd to have a baby . My friend Brenda got married 3 years ago and got pregnant on her honeymoon or shortly after . She was the first to get pregnant . Then a year later I had my Zachariah , and two months after that our friend Sara had a little boy too . Just after I had my son , Brenda found out she was pregnant again . This girl is fertile . We have never seen each others children , except in pictures . She moved to Little Rock , Arkansas shortly after getting married . That is quite a ways away from where we both grew up in Northwest Ohio . Brenda and her family are moving now . Her husband is starting a new job in South Bend , IN , which is so much closer . She came to visit her family while her husband is getting things moved . So she called to see if I 'd like to get together while she was in the area . I went to my mom 's house , because it is near where she was staying . She brought her little ones over , and we had such a great time catching up . Unfortunately I forgot about having my camera most of the time , but I managed to steal a few shots of her kids . Brenda has not changed one bit since high school . She looks great . Also here are her children : Maggie is 27 months old and Tommy is 7 months old . They are both adorable and sweet and remind me of their mother . It took them a while to warm up to me , and even then their mom had to be nearby . I can 't blame them , sometimes kids are just that way . Just because my kid isn 't afraid of anyone ( unless he thinks I 'm leaving him ) , doesn 't mean other peoples kids should be that way . Zachariah was trying to make friends wPosted by While I was at my mom 's house this week , my sister called . She wanted to tell us that her brother - in - law ( her husband 's brother ) was in a car accident with his friend ( who we also know ) . My first reaction was fear for these boys . Jordan ( a friend of Rachel 's brother - in - law ) was driving outside of their small town . He was going about 90MPH and then took a sharp curve way too fast . The car went off the road and through a utility pole . Rachel said they had lost power in town , but she didn 't find out until a while later that this was why . I don 't know many more details , but the car is a crunched up mess . Rachel said it 's just a ball of metal now . The amazing part is that the boys are both fine . They both walked away . Jordan was not wearing a seat belt , and he didn 't suffer any injuries . David was wearing a seat belt , and he had minor injuries . He had several stitches on his face from lacerations and his one ear was swollen shut . He has bruises and small scratches all over his body . But he is fine . From Rachel 's account it 's a miracle that they both came out of it fine . She said if you could see the car , you would question why either of them are still alive . I believe that angels were protecting them . After relaying this information to my mother that they were both OK , she made a good point . She said " What would Jordan 's mother do if something happened to him ? " While he 's only 19 years old , he is invaluable in extreme ways to his family . You see , Jordan 's father has severe MS ( multiple sclerosis ) . He was first diagnosed when Jordan was only 5 . Jordan is expected to help care for his father . He 's the only one in the house who can lift him and take him to the bathroom or the kitchen table or the couch in the living room . He does so many things daily to care for his dad . He is even going to a local college , so he can continue living at home . Moving out is not an option for this kid . He has grown up fast , and he realizes that he plays an important role in the family . I hope that this accident helps him to be a little more cautPosted by First I have to let you know I was away for a few days , so I missed out on posting . I 'm also catching up on my blog reading and commenting . I have stories to tell and several post ideas ( if I can remember them all ) , so I will be writing more later . For now I 'm tired and just feel like reading for a while before heading to bed . Tonight Matt and I were discussing briefly future children . He mentioned how much he 'd like for me to be able to quit tutoring before the next baby would arrive . I have thought that I would keep up my tutoring job for a while . I think I could still handle it with 2 kids , especially with one being a baby . Then he said IT . I almost couldn 't believe it . He said he 'd really like for me to not work at all ( which we 've discussed before ) . But he said " I really value what you do at home " . He went on to say that can 't imagine what our evenings / weekends would be like if we both worked full time . He knows that he wouldn 't have as much free time , because it would be tied up with both of us keeping up with the house and other things . I can 't imagine what it would be like either . I feel so blessed that I 've been able to stay home with my son . Our plan is for me to stay at home until all of our kids are in school . Then I don 't know what . Matt says then he just wants me to do what makes me happy . If it means going back to teaching , then so be it . Or if I decide to continue staying at home , that 's OK too . ( Which I suppose will have to happen if we decide to home school . ) It just meant so much to me to hear him say how much he notices and appreciates what I do here at home and with our son . It is always good to feel like what you do is valuable . Thank you , Matt . Thanks for you who participated . Sorry I forgot about you . It was a fluffernutter sandwich . He ate right through the middle for the ooey gooey goodness . He was a mess , as you can see . Thanks for playing along , but no one figured it out . ; ) I suppose for bonus points if you mentioned peaches , you 're right . He did eat those too . You can see them on his tray in the picture on the previous post . I am a mother . I have been married to Matt since 2000 , and we have two beautiful sons - Zachariah ( born March 2006 ) & Jonah ( born March 2013 ) . I am a licensed teacher , but I love being a stay at home mom . |
We dropped Hub off this morning at 4 : 15am for his flight . After I got home and let the dogs out , I instant messaged with Hub until he boarded the plane at 5 : 45 . By then I 'd already fed the dogs and gotten back into bed . I dozed for a few hours , then got up and went about my day . For the most part I felt like Hub was at work and I allowed myself to just be that way . I 've almost read two books and I pretty much had movies on the TV all day , although mostly they were movies I 'd already seen . I had Mama Mia ! on the TV maybe three times at random points through the movie , because I like singing those songs and they passed the time more easily . Hairspray was on at least once , too . I 've done okay for most of the day . Unfortunately , around 9 : 30pm tonight , Butthead freaked out and had her tail tucked under and was barking hysterically while backing her way into the bedroom where I was reading and watching TV . I went out into the hallway and checked all the rooms up here ( she refused to follow me and instead ran down the stairs ) , but I have no idea what her major malfunction was . I took them out in the darkness , but luckily it was a little rainy , so both dogs ran out and peed and ran right back to the door to go in . So we kind of settled into the bedroom at that point and after some treats and wandering around , they both have settled in . I suspect they are also exhausted from starting their day at 3am . I 've talked to Hub twice on the phone and a few more times on instant messenger . He seems to be okay but the last we talked about an hour ago , he was sounding just exhausted . I hope he 's going to sack out soon , even though it 's pretty early in the evening out there . He said he kept moving his legs around on the plane , even though first class wasn 't as roomy as he 'd hoped , and that he felt okay when he deboarded . Is that a word ? Deboarded ? What else do they call it ? Anyway , he says he felt okay and when I talked to him later he said he was feeling okay just tired from the long day . I was happy to hear from my SIL by phone ( I couldn 't figure out the damn facetime thing through FB 's messenger ) after she opened my gift to her for her wedding . I crocheted her a blanket that turned out to be about queen size ( the pic below is spread out on a king size guest bed ) in these amazing colors that made me think of her . Hub 's father said she has walls in her house painted in yellow and orange , so I found this awesome yarn and went to town . Took me several months ( and a lot of pain ) to get the blanket done , but apparently she loved it a lot . Made me feel like the work was worth it . I saw my father earlier when I took the dogs out this afternoon and he reminded me that I could stay at his house overnight or whatever . I said I was going to try to stay home , but if I had any issue I would just hike over there with the dogs and stay there . Around 8 : 30pm tonight he called to see how I was doing and how my day had gone . Then he reminded me that if I had any trouble I should just let myself into his house no matter what time it was . Then he gave me his late - night schedule so I would know how late he would be awake , but then he told me again to just come over whenever I need to . I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to sleep tonight or not . I still have some reading left in my second book of the day and a youtube video to watch for a channel I subscribe to . I dunno … I 'm locked in the bedroom with the dogs and I 'm sure I 'm safe ( even though I 'm kind of worried that I locked the bedroom door and if someone needs to get in here to rescue me for some reason the locked door will be an issue ) , but it 's still weird . I kind of hope I 'll be tired enough to fall asleep at some point . I had my regular soup for lunch and leftover takeout for dinner , so eating wasn 't a major issue today . I have more takeout again for tomorrow night 's dinner if I want it , and I ( pressure ) cooked up a fresh pot of my lunch - soup this morning so I have enough for the rest of the week . It 's boring , but I eat soup most days of the week for lunch because it means I don 't have to think about it . I dump it in a bowl , add some sauteed mushrooms , and nuke it … easy - peasy no thinking . Also , the soup is bean soup , so it 's pretty healthy … protein and fiber and veggies and carbs , all - in - one . But right now , that doesn 't really help . Tomorrow morning we 'll be driving Hub to the airport at 4am so he can catch a 6am flight to California for his sister 's wedding . And then I 'll come home and it 'll be me here with the dogs . I had my appointment with T today and we talked all about this . I 've got my plans made for the four days and four nights he 'll be gone , which include A LOT OF BOOKS from the library and a massage scheduled for Tuesday . Plus , I figure I 'll be renting lots of movies either from amazon prime or our on - demand cable television . And if things get bad enough , I 'll go spend time at my father 's house with the dogs . Not sure I want to sleep there because taking the dogs and all their paraphernalia will be a pain in the ass . Additionally , T reminded me to text her if I need to talk to her . I suspect I 'll be reading a lot of books to waste the time , both day and night , and napping on and off during all hours . Mostly I 'll be scheduling myself around dogs ' schedules for food and trips outside … and then trying to nap when they are sleeping . Also , to prepare , we bought a security camera floodlight thing , that alerts me if there 's movement outside the door … and I can open the app and see live video of what 's going on ( and it records the video if I miss the alert ) . It also turns on the floodlights with movement at night , along with low - light live ( and recorded ) video . So , at least I have that extra bit of security for myself . Part of what I talked to T about is the fact that I don 't really know how to be without Hub anymore . I know how to be alone when he 's here ( or at work ) , but I don 't know how to be alone when he 's not HERE . I 've known him for longer than I 've NOT known him . It 's been years since we 've had any major separation ( 4 since his parents ' accident where he was gone for 3 days unexpectedly , but closer to 8 years for anything longer than those couple of days ) , and at that point I had my parents helping me while I stayed at their house … and we had Sweet Pea , who was easy as pie to take care of . Now I have this big house and I have Butthead , who requires a lot of energy and close watch . And I don 't have my mom nearby to hang out with when I get lonely , sad , or scared . Another part of my concern is that Hub has health issues . He has diabetes ( with minor leg and feet circulation problems ) , high blood pressures , and has a history of supra - ventricular tachycardia . I mostly am worried about him getting a blood clot in his leg from the traveling in the airplane … and even worse I 'm worried that he won 't realize there 's something wrong . Or he 'll think whatever it is that is wrong isn 't a big deal and he 'll ignore it and not get to a doctor . Or that he 'll ignore it and get on the plane to come home and make it worse . The possible thought of losing him - especially considering how hard it 's been to lose my mother - is really overwhelming . I 've been trying really hard NOT to impose my fears on him . The only thing I suggested is that he try to keep moving his feet and legs around on the plane just because of his circulation issues … and that 's all I said . The probability of him having any kind of major problem is pretty low . The probability of me having any kind of major problem is pretty low . I have to just keep reminding myself that we 'll get through this . A week from now it will be over and we 'll be back to normal programming . I 'm still feeling lousy . There are days when I barely have the energy to do anything , including feed myself . I force myself to get up , do things , take care of the dogs and myself . In between , I rest . I get outside with the dogs for a 10 - 20 minute stroll every day around the yard as the weather allows so I am at least moving somewhat . I 've read a couple of books and I 'm trying to do some crocheting in small doses . But I feel lousy . My imbalance , the nausea , heartburn , fatigue , pain … it 's all still here . Sleeplessness , heat intolerance … I 'm hot and cold all the time . Sometimes I feel sweaty when there 's no sweat . Sometimes my hands and feet are sweaty and clammy . Today I have tingling in my fingers and face . And always the pain in various parts of my body . Both shoulders are bad , and for one of them I can 't lift my arm up above shoulder height . I 'm eating small amounts of food and feeling full , then feeling hungry again later . Rinse and repeat when I eat again … small amounts of food and feeling full , then hungry again . Our health insurance doesn 't kick in again until May 1st . Even so , the last time ( s ) I saw my doctor , she found nothing troubling . It could still be grief . I 'm sad a lot , but I 'm also exhausted a lot . Sometimes I 'm not sure if I 'm sad or tired . This stuff has all been going on since the beginning of February . It doesn 't seem as if it 's going away … it 's coming up on three months . I can 't imagine it 's just going to disappear anytime soon . As if I didn 't have enough to think about , the biggest issue looming is that Hub is flying to California soon for his sister 's wedding . He 's going to be gone for five days . And I 'm going to be alone , having to take care of myself and the dogs 24 / 7 for those days . I 'm going to be in this big stupid house all by myself , day and night , for five days . I 'm going to have to be up early to feed the dogs , and then I 'm going to have to be up and alert late to make sure they get out at night before bed . And then I 'm going to be alone overnight in the darkness . I haven 't been alone like this since before I first got sick over 17 years ago . The last time Hub traveled - maybe eight years ago - I stayed with my parents with the dog we had at that time so they could help me . But it 's different now . My mother is gone , and she 's the one who kept everything in line in their house . My heat intolerance is bad and Dad still keeps their house too hot for me , so I 'll feel horrible all day and not sleep at night . Butthead is difficult to keep track of , and I can 't trust my father or my brother to make sure she 's not eating things in the yard late at night or early in the morning . The friends I have who are local have their own lives , work , families , pets , I can 't ask them to come help me . I considered hiring someone , but having a stranger in the house while I 'm here alone is frightening to me . I 've considered staying up all night and sleeping all day , but the dogs go out multiple times during the day so I 'd have to be awake and dressed to do that repeatedly during daylight hours . That means no sleep at night and basically no sleep during the day . I could try to sleep at night but being alone in the house overnight is scary for me and I 'm not sure I 'll sleep . Not sleeping will , of course , make everything worse . This all makes me feel like an invalid . But I 'm honestly afraid to be alone 24 / 7 for five days . I don 't know how I 'll deal with pain and anxiety and exhaustion without any support or reprieve from taking care of the dogs and myself . There are moments when I think I will be able to handle it , and then there are moments when I am positive I won 't be able to handle it . The truth will probably live somewhere in between , in the end . I have avoided thinking about this since February , when Hub bought his tickets , but it 's coming too soon for me to keep pushing it aside . So Saturday the 4th in the evening , I got hit with a wave of exhaustion and wooziness and then weakness that left me feeling like I wasn 't able to stand long enough to even shower . Sunday morning I thought I was okay , but by 2ish , I was feeling the same again . This was more than just feeling tired , it was long past tired . It was close to how I felt the day after my surgery . Exhaustion , severe and overwhelming . Weakness like I had no muscles left after a 100 mile walk in one day . It was beyond beyond . At 2pm , we checked into the ER and spent the next 5 1 / 2 hours being pushed from triage , Ekg ( again ) , bloodwork ( again ) , pee ( again ) , the " main " waiting area , then to a small , isolated , windowless room with several other couples and individuals ( some of which were contagious based on the fact that two of them were wearing masks - both of which then took off their masks while they were in there with us ) . This cramped little space is where we sat for another 90 minutes while they gave me IV fluids , while the others around us also sat getting IV treatments … along with two older people slouched over in wheelchairs ( where there was no space for them ) and another person slept on a chair . They finally found us a room in the ER , where the PA who saw us did a neurology physical test , said probably no stroke and they don 't want to do a CT without a real reason . So she did thyroid test ( again ) on the bloodwork which came back normal … as did all my blood work from both walk - in clinic and the ER lab . So she sent us home saying I should see a neurologist as a follow - up . My doctor 's office called the next day and said , " come in so we can talk about what 's going on " , so I did on Thursday . Part way through the appointment ( at 3pm ) , the doctor said " you 're having shortness of breath and leg pain , you need a lung ct and leg ultrasound to rule out DVT and lung blood clot " . Luckily for us , the nurse was able to hustle us an appointment at a local radiology office instead of sending us back to the ER again . Unfortunately , the nurse at my doctor 's office made an appointment for us at the location that was forty minutes away in the " city " versus the one that was ten minutes away and the same distance from our house . And she actually only made the CT appointment , not the leg ultrasound appointment . We were lucky that the person managing the location we went to fit us in for both tests within an hour … and the techs were both very nice about the situation . The radiology place won 't tell us anything , they just fit us in for both test and sent us home at 4 : 30 . I called my doctor at her office , who said she would call from home and get test results ( bcuz her office closes at 5pm ) and call me once she has them . She called at about 5 : 50 to say both tests were normal , for me to pick up in the inhaler she prescribed because my chest had sounded " tight " and she was thinking I might have asthma … and then I should rest , hydrate , and get back in touch if I get worse . I 'm at home , still feeling crappy and tired and weak . I 've been eating normally , trying to drink as normal as possible , and trying to rest . Because of how badly I was feeling , I had a shitty panic attack Sunday afternoon ( before the walk - in / ER visit ) that I kept trying to get out of but it just kept recycling when I thought it was over . Ten days after my appointment with my primary , I went back for a follow - up because I wasn 't feeling much better and the inhaler was giving me leg cramps . The doctor listened to my lungs and pronounced them clear , said I could stop the inhaler , and that I should go home and hydrate and rest some more . She said there 's a virus going around and that it wasn 't unusual for the main complaint to be exhaustion . And in fact , she was leaving shortly after my appointment because she was having the same symptoms I was ( although she was also getting a little cough ) . So I 'm still home , still hydrating , still trying to eat normally , and I 'm resting so much I 'm tired of resting . Sadly , I 'm still feeling really overtired and I have no energy for anything . It 's been a struggle for me to keep up with taking the dogs out repeatedly during the day ( and I can 't leave Butthead outside alone because she eats stuff in the grass and then gets sick ) , and I 've hardly been able to do more than one or two loads of laundry in a day . Going to the grocery store or to my therapy appointments leave me exhausted . Tomorrow I go for massage therapy and I have no idea how I 'm going to feel afterwards . And through all of February , my pain has been ramped up . I can 't seem to get around it . My muscles all hurt . My stomach hurts . I 'm having lots of trouble sleeping . I haven 't crocheted since January . I haven 't done much of anything since this all started … Tonight … well , tonight Hub goes for his sleep study to see if he has sleep apnea . That means I get to go out into the dark and the cold tonight to let the dogs out before bedtime . It also means I will be sleeping alone tonight . Not a happy me ! Did I mention that Hub 's job is transitioning now that a bigger corporation bought his smaller employer ? Did I also mention ( can 't remember if I have ) that they 're screwing around and even though we technically have health insurance with the new company we won 't actually have cards until some unknown time in mid - to - late - to - end - of March ? So if we get sick or need the ER or to see a doctor or to GET OUR MAMMOGRAM we can 't . Or we pay on our own and maybe the insurance company might reimburse us later for some small portion of the amounts we paid ? ( * sob * ) Talk about anxiety … I got my eyes checked - for the first time in at least six years - only to find that my prescription has barely changed . In fact , the doctor wanted to roll back my prescription a smidge but I declined . I just picked up my new glasses about an hour ago and when I put them on , I felt weird . I think we ended up a tiny bit stronger , but the technician said it could also be the upgraded coating on the lenses that made me feel funky . I 'll have to ease into the new glasses , which is fine because I still have an old pair to use in the meantime . The new glasses have half - frames , so they should be lighter on my face . The second pair of " new " glasses I got are actually one of my old frames with new lenses . I would say it was cheaper to do it that way , but honestly by the time I picked the first set of new frames , I was so freaking tired of looking at frames that I just told her to put new lenses in my old frames . They were in fine condition and they were going to be my back - up pair anyway . Everyone I worked with at the optometrist kept repeating that I had single vision lenses ( instead of bi - focals ) and they all sounded surprised . Kind of annoying , but honestly the major reason I didn 't go back to get my eyes checked in the last six years is because at 39 years old , the optometrist told me at 40 I 'd be needing bi - focals ( because that 's " the age " ) and I didn 't want bi - focals so I didn 't go back . And here I am , six years later , still no bi - focals . So poo on all of you . Meanwhile , I also hate getting my eyes dilated , but this optometrist had some new - fangled technology that let them take pictures of my eyes and I was able to put off dilation again . Monday we took Le Moo for her annual " senior " check - up at the vet . We took Butthead , too , because we 'd noticed her front two bottom teeth were disappearing . The vet assured me that it wasn 't likely to be the case when we talked in email , but we brought her anyway to make sure . Le Moo is healthy and has lost about 10 % of her weight . She went from 94 pounds to 86 pounds , which we are doing on purpose because as she ages she seems to be more prone to limping after running or playing . She 's a big girl and we 've always had trouble getting her to lose weight , so we gave up and she pretty much maintained a steady weight for all the years we had her . Then we saw the limping issue and we started getting really strict and we 've noticed it paying off . We 'll keep up with it and try to keep her from injury . The vet looked at Butthead 's teeth and said they aren 't disappearing , the gum is growing up over them . Nothing to do unless it bothers her and so far she hasn 't complained . Unfortunately , the vet is 90 minutes away , so it kind of takes up several hours just going , doing the appointment , and coming home . So Hub 's MLK day off was pretty well used it by that . I 'm glad Le Moo is doing well … she 's somewhere around eight years old , which is getting up there in big dog years . And ya 'll know I worry . We 're going to have to get her back to the vet to get her teeth cleaned ( she 's got bad teeth , yo ) , so we 'll be making that trip again in the next month or so . Yay . So Tuesday was my six month check - up with the gyn onc surgeon . Because of Hub 's status with his company ( they got bought out and are in transition ) , I didn 't want him to have to take a day off to accompany me to an appointment that would likely last less than 15 minutes . So I sent him on his way to work and girded myself for the hour ride to the onc 's office . Under normal circumstances , I would have been nervous but okay to make the trip on my own . I made the appointment for after rush hour and I plotted my route to go on the mostly un - used toll road to avoid further traffic . But … it rained . I knew it was predicted to be " light showers " so I told Hub I 'd be fine on my own . When I got on the road it was lightly showering . Ten minutes in , before I even reached the toll road , it was pouring . And I was sweating bullets , hands clutched on the steering wheel , talking myself into being OK . I don 't like driving in the rain and I hate driving on wet roads . I have been in a full 360 degree skid behind the wheel before and it 's not fun , so I try to avoid driving in weather . In addition , the toll road is 60mph , and the highway that I was supposed to be getting on at the other end is 60mph , with lots of traffic . So when I rolled onto the toll road , I basically planted myself three or four car lengths behind a dump truck and kept speed as comfortably as I could . Halfway along the toll road , the dump truck changed lanes and sped off . WTF . But I stayed steady and with the few cars on the road flying around me , I made it along the toll road . At the other end , I decided to exit early onto a main road that cuts through the city that I knew would have lots of traffic lights and lots of cars , but also slower moving . And I splashed my way along for half an hour until I got to my destination . It was a good thing I left early , and I made it with ten minutes to spare at the doctor 's office . The doctor was " only " 45 minutes late ( we 've actually waited for 2 hours for prior appointments ! ) , he spent less than 10 minLuckily for the trip home it had stopped raining but the roads were all wet . Even so , I made my way along the major highway back to the toll road , and then meandered along the toll road toward my exit . Unfortunately again , the exit ramp I have to take from the toll road to the highway home is a HUGE flyover , which I don 't even like to drive on DRY pavement . Instead I took the exit for the opposite direction which is a normal exit and I turned around at the first traffic light . And I headed home on more regularly traveled roads , which meant I was more comfortable even though the streets were still wet . In March I will go for my mammogram . It 's still hard for me to go to these appointments and to know when I get home that I don 't have my mother to talk to about what happened . I thought it would get easier , but so far it hasn 't . Tomorrow I go for a " consultation " to get my hair did . The salon I selected ( different from the one I used last year … partly because the stylist never answered my queries and now because I find out this new salon has more " organic " hair dye ) wants me to come in to meet the stylist and to let the stylist see my hair and confirm what I want done . If all is well , I go in early on Saturday to get all the colors . ALL THE COLORS . When I was younger I used to box dye my hair all the time , mostly variations on reds because I didn 't like my plain brown hair . At some point I became too ill physically to dye my hair so I stopped . Then I did it a few more times when I was feeling better , but it was a pain in the ass and everything got all stained ( including ME ) and I didn 't really love the results , so I stopped again . One year I went and got my hair all chopped off and then I had the salon dye my hair but … well , I wasn 't really keen on how it looked and it seemed like the color washed out pretty quickly and I didn 't want to waste my money . Only last year did I decide to get something done again and I wanted it to be a little funky to make my mother smile . I got a combo of auburn and violet done , but Mom never noticed and the final look wasn 't as pronounced as I had hoped . Over the past year I haven 't bothered to do anything except let my hair grow out . But after my breast MRI and my colonoscopy and my eye exam , and now my onc follow - up , I knew I wanted to do something fun to celebrate the positive news I 've been getting . I 've been stalking Instagram ( which I don 't use ) for different pictures of what I wanted and I am vacillating between something oil - slick color looking and something more jewel - toned , but there 's definitely gonna be blues and purples and maybe some teal and pink . We 'll see what the stylist says tomorrow . If I can get a picture of before and after , I 'll come back and post them . I 've also gone past my birthday . My father asked me three or four times if I wanted to go out to dinner for my birthday ( he called around lunchtime ) but I kept saying no . I felt bad because I know he likes to go out to dinner and I am sure he felt it was what he could do for me , but I didn 't want to go out . I stood my ground and I thanked him , but said I wanted to chill at home . Hub acquiesced and didn 't do anything special for dinner , but we were together so that was fine . The weather outside was crappy and icy so I was just as happy to stay inside and just BE . My aunt - who doesn 't do so good with the whole grief support thing - called and kept me on the phone for 45 minutes talking about stuff . Two of my three brothers emailed me to wish me happy birthday , and my very old dear friend did the same . But no call from my mom , which was the hardest part . Just knowing the whole day that she wouldn 't be calling and we wouldn 't be talking . It sucked . And now it 's over for another year . Friday I will literally be in therapy while the inauguration is going on . Like I had planned it that way . The rest of the day I will be avoiding all manner of television and radio and social media . Bleh . I am still in a pretty good amount of physical pain . The nausea is still around but it feels like less often , so that 's good . Sleep is still sucky . The imbalance is so - so . My jaw pain is still bad , though . Headaches are not quite as bad . I broke down and saw my massage therapist last week so she could work on the TMJ pain , which worked pretty well for about a day . Next week I go back to her for my regular body - work session . One day I 'm going to schedule a woo - woo relaxing massage with her because she 's damn good at it ( I had one shortly after my mother died as a gift to myself ) and I really want it . I wish my insurance covered that shit because it is physically helpfully to me just like physical therapy was , but it 's not covered . And it 's pretty expensive for an appointment … not that I think it 's overpriced . My massage therapist is a boss and hella good at her job … and she works fucking hard to help me . I can 't even imagine how hard it is on HER body to do the work she does ! I have no idea if she 's in line with other massage therapists , but I know she earns every damn dollar during our appointments . I just realized how long this was . I 'm gonna end it now . I should have broken this up into separate posts , but in my head it all felt related . Thanks for sticking with me . My mother 's birthday was a few days before the holidays . As one of my brothers said to me , " I 'm sure it 's not creeping up on you , either … " And it wasn 't . T thinks that a lot of my pain and anxiety were around the colonoscopy without my mother being there , and because of my mother 's birthday , and because of the holidays without her . Yeah , I knew her birthday was coming . I knew it was going to be bad . I also knew I had somewhat of a plan for the day . Before Mom got sick , when she was still crocheting , she hooked up a bunch of preemie hats for our local hospital 's NICU . At the time , it wasn 't a lot of hats , so we kept saying we were holding off before taking them in . After Mom passed , I took all of the small amounts of yarn I had and crocheted more tiny hats . Then I put them all into a bag and left them in my library . Because I knew what I wanted to do . On Mom 's birthday , I woke up and got dressed . And I called my father to see how he was . He said he was just going to call me because he was going to the cemetery and he wanted to know if I wanted to go . I didn 't really , but I didn 't want him to go alone . So instead of answering him directly , I said if he would take me up to the hospital to drop off the preemie hats , I would go with him to the cemetery . He said okay , so we left about ten minutes later . At the hospital - where my father 's sister ( my aunt ) was admitted and stayed for several days , and where my mother went for her lymphedema wraps - I left Dad in the parking lot and I went inside . At the main desk , they checked me in and directed me to the NICU . As I made my way down the hall , I saw someone walk into the elevator , so I hurried to join her so I could save some time waiting for another elevator . Inside , the woman standing across from me smiled , then looked at the bag in my arms and her smile got wider . She asked me if I was bringing hats to the NICU . I said yes , and her eyes seemed to sparkle . She was heading for the NICU herself … she had twin girls who had been born before Thanksgiving - when they were due after Christmas . I said congratulations and I hoped they were doing well , which she said they were . And she told me , " They brought me to see the girls for the first time , and there they were in hand - knitted hats , and it just made my heart skip a beat . That someone out there did that for me and for them , complete strangers ! " Her smile was so big . When the elevator doors opened , I walked with her down the hall and into the NICU waiting area . I wished her luck and she disappeared behind a door that the nurse unlocked for her . I approached the nurse , who was behind a glass windowed reception area , and I put my bag of 40 hats on the counter in between us . And I announced that I was there to drop off crocheted hats for the babies . In all sizes , all colors , all different types of yarns . The nurse smiled and took the bag , then started going through the hats . She oohed and ahhed over some of them , and even rubbed a few on her cheek and said how soft they were . She told me how wonderful if it was to have them , and wanted to know " how many women are there in your group that made these ? " I laughed and said it was just my mom and me . The sweet woman said , " oh my goodness , please give your mom a hug for me ! " I basically nodded and smiled , gave a wave , and left the unit for the safety of the hallway . It was hard . I tried not to cry as I made my way back through the hospital and out to the car where my father was waiting . Fortunately , he was busy navigating the parking lot and trying to figure out the best way to get to the cemetery , so our conversation was pretty sparse . When we were done and I was home , I cried . I cried because those were the last hats I had from her . I cried because I missed her . I cried because I hated where I was in my life without her . When my mom was going through chemo , I made her a bunch of hats for her to wear after she lost her hair . Years ago , probably six or seven years , before I was crocheting , she was supposed to crochet me an open - weave sweater to wear over a tank top . She never got to it , for various reasons . I don 't even know what happened to the yarn we picked out . She crocheted me a shawl for my brother 's wedding , and added crocheted sleeves to an evening gown for my cousin 's black - tie wedding . So I really have nothing I can wear that she made for me . I wish I did . The last thing she crocheted was a lap blanket that she was expecting to donate , but a few days after she died , I took it . I wrapped it up in tissue paper and put it into a plastic bag that a set of sheets came in , and I put it away in my guest room . It 's in a drawer in my grandparents ' dresser . It 's ugly as sin color - wise , but I can 't bear to part with it . I also have a ruffled ball that was supposed to be for a baby that was a test - project . It 's on a shelf in my bookcase hidden behind some doors with the perfume that I took from her bathroom drawers a few months after she died . I honored my mom as best I could on her birthday . My birthday is coming up soon . Hub usually cooks me a special dinner and he 's been asking me what I want to eat . I kept putting him off , because I honestly do not want to celebrate my birthday . I finally told him I didn 't want anything special on my birthday because I didn 't want to have my birthday . I don 't even want it to be acknowledged , because it 's just another reminder to me that she isn 't here with me . Last year she was in brain radiation on my birthday … she was just getting over the symptoms of the brain mets . We were dealing with the lawyer trying to get my parents ' trusts all finalized and stuff . Last year , five days before my birthday , I had to call an ambulance at 11pm for Hub because he had an episode of paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia ( PSVT ) where his heart rate was sustained up around 225 or 250bpm . They had to stop his heart twice with medication to get it reset . We went to his follow - up appointment with his cardiologist on my birthday . Right now , I 'm in pain . My arms and back and neck and shoulders hurt . I have headaches on an almost daily basis for multiple hours at a time . My hips hurt when I try to sleep . I still have nausea . I still have jaw pain . I still have anxiety over the jaw pain , though it 's not as persistent as it was in the past few weeks . I 'm not sleeping much and I 'm not crocheting because I hurt too much . Yes , I made it through the colonoscopy without incident , thank goodness . But since then , I 've been feeling poorly . I thought initially I was coming down with a cold because my throat was feeling funny . I started drinking warm water with lemon juice in the mornings for the extra vitamin C kick . I gargled and drank my warm water with honey and apple cider vinegar . I was so tired one day last week that I actually went upstairs at 2 in the afternoon and got into bed . I didn 't sleep , but I wanted to . I have felt that way the rest of the week and over the weekend . My throat is yucky , I feel nauseated , I 'm tired as hell , and I 'm feeling a lot of imbalance . And my jaw hurts . And my arms and back hurt . And I 've been anxious as fuck . Thursday night I had Hub come hang out with me in the bedroom after dinner because I was so anxious . Yesterday , he went to help his Mom decorate their tree and I stayed home alone . And I hardly moved because I felt so bad and so anxious . I put laundry in this morning but I am loathe to following through with it because I 'm so anxious . I thought having something to do would distract me , but it 's not . I just tried to make lunch and while I was waiting for the microwave to heat my soup , I had a long uninterrupted run of PVCs - longer than normal - which upset me . I barely ate half my soup . Last night at dinner , I picked at my food and ate maybe 1 / 4 of what I would normally . I have no interest in food and no interest in drinking . This isn 't the flu ( thank goodness ) because I have no aches and no fever and really my nose is only mildly running and my throat only feels slimy and snotty and just mildly scratchy - weird . And this has been going on since Tuesday . My legs hurt , too , I realized when I was sitting at lunch . I feel kind of weak . Probably from not eating and drinking enough . I hate feeling this way . Hub is at work today and I 'm alone at home . Well , the dogs are here , but honestly neither f my dogs is really an empathizer . They are both affectionate in their own ways , but Butthead is really just annoying or sleeping , and Le Moo is more independent and only wants affection on her terms and in her way . I feel nauseated . Combine that with the jaw pain and the arm and back pain . And the fatigue . I just can 't get past the anxiety . I feel like I 'm not breathing right , which I know is the anxiety . I feel warm and cold . Mildly sweaty and clammy . All of this is very likely anxiety . But what if it isn 't ? I don 't want to be alone . I want to cry . I want it to all stop so I can feel normal again ( at least normal for me ) . I feel alone and afraid and like this will never get better . |
I was sitting at home , by the fire listening to the radio when I heard what happened . The Japs attacked one of our military bases on the island of Hawaii . I was sitting in my arm chair , finishing reading the Sunday paper and I didn 't hear the first announcement . Gus did , he leaned over to the radio and turned the dial up . The voice of the man reporting made it clear that this was serious , I almost felt as though he knew someone stationed at the base just by how his voice sounded . Gus had been one of the few people who wanted to go and lend aid to Europe and fight against the Germans . I think he regrets having missed out on the last war . He wanted to go off and fight the Germans then and he had been looking for a reason to do it since . I wondered if he thought we would be fighting the Germans now , even though it was the Japanese who attacked us . " Today of all days . It 's a Sunday you know . They must have known we wouldn 't be ready to fight . People were in church , they couldn 't have manned the guns fast enough to put up a strong offensive . " Gus was in a frenzy about this . After he turned up the dial , he didn 't sit back down . He was pacing the room while talking to me . Father spoke quite plainly . He was calm and showed no no worry . I wondered whether Father knew that Gus was going to leave when American declared war . I could tell that in the twenty - two years of being Gus ' father he had grown to love him as a son . I wondered if he worried about me leaving to fight for America also . I had been looking for a reason to leave home . I loved Father and Bruno as much as I ever had . Aniela wasn 't a bad mother either , though she would never replace Mother . I also got along alright with Henry and Joseph . It was Gus who I made me want to leave . In the twenties , Gus made himself a good bundle of cash . He never told us what he did to make the money , it always seemed like he was doing odd jobs here and there for whoever needed something done . But I cannot imagine how odd jobs would make him that much money . Anyway , I didn 't ask . If I did , I wouldn 't have gotten a different answer than anyone else in the house . Gus didn 't do what most people did with their money in the twenties , he didn 't spend it on entertaining himself of women and he didn 't put it in the stock exchange . What he did was buy the building that we live in . It wasn 't anything spectacular , just four floors of apartments . We lived on the first two and he rented out the top two floors to some nice families , the Wantuchs and the Rominski 's . The fact that we had a place to live through the Depression made all the difference . We didn 't have to worry about finding money to pay rent . What little money we we made could go towards buying food and whatever other amenities that we needed . The problem was that because Gus owned the building and he ' let ' us stay there , he felt the was in charge . He even thought he had more importance than Father . Each week when we had money , we had to give it to him so he could buy food and whatnot for the house and then he would give us back what he felt was necessary . I rarely got enough to buy myself a meal , let alone find a gal and take her out . I worked hard for my money , Bruno and I had jobs working for the city as construction workers . We repaired the streets and we helped build public buildings . We were in one of Roosevelt 's programs but I can 't remember which one . It wasn 't important . Sure at the time it was a source of pride telling people that you worked and for what organization , but what was really important was having the money come . I had only seen Gus work once in my life . He had a couple days where he was employed downtown at one of the shopping centers . He was what they called a floor walker . As far as I could tell all he did was go around the store and make sure that they shirts were hanging straight and that the shoes were still in their boxes . That work isn 't a man 's work . There was also a stint where Gus would collect a paycheck each week , but he didn 't earn it . A buddy of his worked for the rail company and tipped him off about collecting pay . Apparently the rail company didn 't have a list of who got pay , they just had a list of who got limited pay or no pay at all . So Gus just showed up and collected the money that he hadn 't worked for . " You 're thirty - seven and I am thirty - nine , that isn 't that old . I bet they 'll take anyone who 's willing to fight . I am . " I waited a month before I left to join the Army . I would have left sooner , but I had some things I needed to take care of . I wanted to get what little finances I had in order and I wanted to change my name . See , I wasn 't telling anyone that I was going . I wanted to cut free . At the time , it made more sense . Now I wonder if it was the best thing for me to do . No one knew I was gone and no one knew my name . I couldn 't imagine what Father went through when I didn 't come home from work that day . I told Bruno that I had some things to do before work and he should go without me . At the recruiting station they didn 't ask many questions . There was a physical , which I passed and there were a lot of forms to fill out . All in all , it wasn 't a very difficult process . They seemed ready to take anyone to fight . I wondered why Gus wasn 't able to enlist . He went the very day that America declared war . They sent him home and he would say why . Part of me wonders if he really went to enlist that day or if he just left the house for a couple of hours and came back . I always thought that he was too attached to that house of his to leave it . Anyway , the men at the recruiting office told me that the train for basic didn 't leave for two days . He told me when and where to report to make sure I was on that train . So I had two days to kill . I didn 't go home . I could have went home and stayed there until the train left , but then I would have to answer to Bruno when he asked why I didn 't show up at work that day . Instead I wandered around the rest of the day before checking into a cheap hotel near the train station . I feel a little guilty about doing it , but I stole some of the cash from where Gus kept it in the house before I left . I wasn 't sure how long I would have to wait and I wasn 't sure if I would need money while I was at basic training camp . I spent the day between signing up and shipping out in a diner , eating and writing a letter . I wanted Doloreta to know that I was going to the war and that I would try to find her if I got the chance . I also wrote her to tell her that I had changed my name so if she wanted to find me , she would know where to look . I still hadn 't heard from her since the last war . My letters were never returned so I hoped that she was still alive and that they were getting to her . Every time I met someone who had recently come from Poland , I asked them if they had heard anything about her or her family . Basic training was uneventful , to say the least . Most of the guys in basic had not been in the last war . Most of us had never held or fired a gun . I wasn 't any exception . We learned everything we needed to keep ourselves alive in the war . Most of the guys had gals they left back home . It was all they seemed to talk about . They were fighting this war only so they could come home and be with those girls . I was asked by a lot of the guys early on in basic about my girl , who it was that I was fighting this war for . At first it was hard to tell them that I was fighting in the war to get away from home . Then it was even hard to tell them that there wasn 't a girl back home that I was fighting for , it was actually a girl over there that I hadn 't seen since I was a child . I think they misunderstood me . I think they thought that I knew where Doloreta was , what she was doing and that she was alive . I didn 't tell them any of this . I told them that when we got to Poland , I was going to the last place I saw her and then I would find her . We stayed stateside for a while . Basic was supposed to take twelve weeks and then we were supposed to start advanced training . Later in the war , I asked the guys if they remembered when basic ended and when advanced started and no one could recall a date . It didn 't matter , we were still learning what we needed to know to keep ourselves and those around us alive . I signed up for the infantry . They gave me a rifle and taught me to shoot it . At one point in basic I think I had the choice to switch out of the infantry and join the armor division or learn to operate the machine gun , I didn 't want to . The way I looked at it was that I would rather be outside walking than be cooped up in a tank all the time and I would rather carry my standard issue Thompson than the bulky machine gun . It 's easier to run and stay alive when you have less to take with you . Anyway , we left the states after a little more than a year of training . I thought it was odd that I signed up a little more than a month after the war started and it took so long to get me to see the action . I had no complaints though . I was getting away from home , getting paid and the later I get into the war the longer I would live in it . We hopped a train and rode it all the way from Tennessee where we had basic to New York where our ship was waiting . This was the first time I had been back to New York since arriving on the shores back in 1914 . It was also the first time I had been on a boat of any kind since leaving Poland . It gave me something to live through the war for . I wanted to be able to tell people that I went overseas with my country to fight for the one I had left as a child . It gave me two sense of pride and I liked it . New York was much different than when I last saw it . Everything seemed bigger and faster . And with all of the infantry coming into town to ship out , the whole city was packed . People were running about , taking care of last minute things before their boats left port . Even with all of the military order it was difficult for us to move . I couldn 't go anywhere without bumping shoulders with someone . The urgency only added to what you could pull out of the air . There was also a good helping of fear . I was with a group of men who were ready to die for their countries if they had to . Every day we spent waiting for our ship to sail we would hear about another person who didn 't show up for roll . These were ones who who hadn 't thought the whole thing through . They knew they wanted to defend their country but the realness hadn 't dawned on them until they saw the ocean . The ocean made them think of what was to come on the other side . I won 't lie , I had the thoughts too . We all did . But in the end I figured if I didn 't go and fight , then there was one less person to fight for Doloreta . I like to think that the men who didn 't leave on that boat with us , came to a similar realization and caught the next boat . You could have said that there was excitement in the air too . I lost track of the times that I was asked if I was excited to go and fight the Germans . Was excited really the right word ? At the time , I thought I was excited . I told everyone that I was . I believed them to be the most vile enemy that America had ever faced . I don 't think most of us were excited like we said we were . I think we were just trying to be American heroes , doing what we had to do . Then again , I knew that there were some who truly were excited to get to Europe and to kill some Germans . I saw those men die on the battlefield , killed by Germans . We took our ship to England , Bristol to me more precise . Fortunately very little happened on the ship . No deaths , mostly seasickness . All the time we were supposed to keep watch for other ships and German U - boats . It kept us on edge the entire voyage , but we didn 't see any . I never figured out how we would have seen them because the point of a U - boat was that they moved and attacked under water . If we did see one , it probably was too late . We stayed two weeks in Bristol before piling into trucks heading to London . We were to meet up with some more Americans who have been helping defend the city along side the British . Our commanding officer , Lieutenant Briggs , told us we would have left for London sooner but we were replacing a group who was making their way to France for an assault . He also told us that there had been German planes trying to make bombing runs recently . There was a fear of the blitz starting again , but he told us not to worry because the Royal Air Force was determined to maintain their air superiority over England . We were so close to the action . Those weeks in Bristol I didn 't see or hear anything that sounded like the war was close , but I could feel it . I felt as though I could feel when bombs were dropped , the dull thud and explosion moving from across the channel to where I was . I asked around and none of the other guys said they could feel it . Maybe I just wanted to . When we made it to London , we were assigned to our barracks and then Lt . Briggs split us into patrol groups of eight men . Our mission was to patrol the city and be on alert for German ships and planes . We were to radio in anything we saw that might be suspicious . Each patrol was assigned a man for communications , two men for a mobile machine gun and five men for rifle support . I was in the rifle support of my patrol along with Johhny West from California , Steve Tanner , Sal Marino and Louis Smith . Robert Bessler and Donald Schroeder were in charge of our machine gun . They were big muscular guys ; I doubted that they would 've needed that gun they lugged around to scare off Germans . Paul Terrus was our communications man . He was a small man who wore thick glasses . The first day I met him and found out he would be in charge of our patrols communications he introduced himself as Paul the Apostle . I asked him why he called himself an Apostle . " Charles , " I had changed my name to Charles Wright when I enlisted , " my name is Paul and I use this radio to speak to the higher ups . They are the ones who tell us where we go and they are the ones who have a good deal of control over whether we die or not . As far as I am concerned , I am speaking to God . " We patrolled that city for four months before anything happened on our watch . It wasn 't even anything threatening to all of us . Johnny got sick , something he ate didn 't agree with him . Whatever he ate came out of him at both ends as fast as he could get it in . This took all of the fight out of Johnny . We ended up having to patrol without him . The last I heard of Johnny , he was transferred to a hospital outside of London . Whatever sickness Johnny had , it took him out of the war before we saw anything . After six months of being in England , we received a new batch of infantry from the States for support . Rumor was that large group of our men were going to cross the Channel and try to put a dent in the German defenses . The patrol I was in didn 't get on the list of units to go the mainland . I think it was because we were down a man and they wanted full numbers in the patrols . Either way , it led to a reunion from back home . Lt . Briggs told us that our patrol was going to be absorbed into the new group of infantry and it was likely that we would head over with them . He told us that we could stay together as our patrol was but take on a new member , or that we could split and each be placed into a new patrol . Since we had all taken a liking to one another we opted to stay together . With the exception of Johnny , we had been quite lucky in not seeing any action . Lt . Briggs introduced us to our new commanding officer , Lt . Stevens , and wished us the best of luck . He was leaving with the rest to fight in Europe . Later , I heard that Lt . Briggs was leading a patrol when his unit walked into an unknown German machine gun squadron . The entire unit was wiped out . Lt . Stevens told us that we would be assigned a new man to our unit . Since we had lost a rifleman , we would be getting a new one . I was surprised to hear that the name of our new member was Edward Wantuch . There had been an Eddie Wantuch living with his family on one of the upper floors of Gus ' building . His sister , Eugenia , and my brother Henry seemed to be spending a lot of time together when I left for the war . I hoped that this Edward would be the same Eddie that I knew . If it was , I hoped that he had news from home for me . Much to my delight Edward was the same Eddie that I knew . It was a difficult moment when he joined our unit . We only saw each other on occasion back in Chicago and we had only talked a few times . He actually didn 't recognize me when we were introduced , though I think had I been introduced as Miecyzslaw Borowcyzyk he might have at least recognized my last name . I waited until we were patrolling to ask Eddie about home . He was quite surprised when I asked him how Eugenia and Henry were . It took him a moment to put things together . It was quite amusing watching him study my face before he realized who I was . He asked me what happened to me . He had heard that I went missing and my father had asked everyone he knew if they had seen me , apparently it got him into a little trouble at the butcher shop because he slowed down customers when he drilled them for any information they might have . I told him my story , leaving out the part why I left . I didn 't want to spoil his image of Gus with my complaints . Fortunately for me , he was satisfied with my story and he never asked for a reason . Eddie told me that Henry had proposed to Eugenia . He said the wedding was small but very nice . It was after the wedding that he joined the Army . He said he was going to do it sooner but he found out about the wedding and put it off until after . He wanted to be there to see his sister get married . It was odd to think that I was in this war and I found out that I had another brother . It was even more odd to think that bay fate alone we was put into my patrol . Later when I thought about it I realized had he not shown up , there would have been so much less that I would have known about what happened at home . I was glad to have him there . We patrolled the city for another six months before we found out what was going to happen to us . To be honest , Steve , Sal , Louis , Robert , Donald , Paul and I had been itching to see some action . I had mixed feelings about what we were doing . We had signed up to fight but we had been here in London for a year just patrolling the city and the surrounding countryside . there were times when I worried that I had forgotten how to fire my Thompson . It was about this time that Lt . Stevens came to our patrol and told us that we had earned a month of leave . It was uncommon to get leave in those days , but because we hadn 't had a break from our patrolling in a year and they didn 't need all of us , they offered . We gladly accepted . Eddie got leave too even though he had only been patrolling for a six months because he was with out patrol and there wasn 't room in other patrols for him to go into while we were away . I hadn 't considered how I would spend my time when Eddie came up to me and invited me to come with him . He said he was going to Iceland . He had met a gal in Bristol when he was there briefly after arriving from America . He had been in touch with her since via post . She had kept asking him to come visit her when he got a chance . I had heard about Hekla , Eddie 's gal many times while on patrol . She sounded wonderful . The way Eddie talked about her , you would have expected her to be a goddess . He described her as the most beautiful woman , golden hair and strong yet soft features . She lived with her parents and sisters on a small farm in Iceland . I was eager to meet her , to ensure that she was everything that Eddie said her to be , not that I doubted him but more to see what such a perfect woman was . Eddie wrote her a letter , telling her to expect us in a few days and sent it ahead of us . The journey was relaxing and we took our time getting across the country to Bristol . In Bristol , we hired a fisherman to take us on his boat to Iceland . He was worried about taking American infantry on his boat because he thought it would draw the Germans to him , but we ensured him that we would do everything we could to protect him - we had brought our rifles with us for our own protection . He seemed calmed by our reassurance of his safety . Fortunately for Eddie and me , Hekla lived just outside of the port that the fisherman brought us into . We only had to do bit of asking around to find where she lived . My only worry was that she hadn 't received Eddie 's letter before our arrival and wouldn 't be expecting us . I doubted that this would have kept her family from taking us in for the time , but I felt better knowing that we were expected . Hekla was everything that Eddie described her to be . She was , in fact , quite beautiful and her family was very generous . They were more than willing to let us stay for some time . Hekla had received Eddie 's letter and they had prepared an area in the barn for us to sleep . I wasn 't sure what I expected when I agreed to go with Eddie to see Hekla . I suppose I should have realized that he would like to spend time alone with her , but it didn 't dawn on me . I didn 't mind . I walked the countryside by myself and had time to think in peace . It might have been because Eddie was with Hekla , but I did an awful lot of thinking about Doloreta . I had sent her a handful of letters since coming overseas , though I doubted whether she got any of them . I told her that I was in London and that I was on patrol for the American Army . I told her that I would always be looking for her and that if I ever got the chance , I would return home and try to find her myself . I also told her that when we won this war , I would stay in London until at least the end of October before I headed back to Chicago . I told her that I would always be waiting for her . However , I never heard back from her nor did I see her while patrolling . To be honest , I didn 't know what I was looking for , it had been nearly thirty years since I last saw her and I had no idea what she looked like . When I wasn 't lost in my thoughts , I spent much of my time helping Hekla 's family around the farm . Her parents were the nicest old couple that I had met and her two younger sisters , Svana and Valdis , were a delight to be around . I think they took a liking to me because I was a man in uniform . I doubt it dawned on either of them that I was much too old for them , they were hardly twenty , and there was little hope that I could ever be with them . It didn 't stop Hekla 's parents either from trying to get me alone with their daughters . To them , I must have been an American G . I . like Eddie who could take care of their daughters . After a week and a half of staying in Iceland with Hekla 's family , Eddie and I decided that we should head back to London . Before leaving , I spoke to Hekla 's parents alone . I wanted to thank them for their hospitality but more importantly I asked them to hold on to a letter for me addressed to Doloreta . I asked them whether it was okay that I sent her here for information about me . They said that it would be fine and I promised to keep in touch with them . " She told me that she wanted me to propose to her . Did you know that ? I wanted to , Charles . I really did . But I had to be honest with her and myself . I am fighting a war right now . What would happen if I married her and then we shipped off to the mainland and got ambushed by German panzers ? She wouldn 't have a husband no more . No Charles , I told her that the moment we win this war , I would come back and take her away with me . I told her after this war , we can be together for good . " I told Eddie that it took a lot of man to think like he just did . I also told him that I wanted to be there when he proposed . I didn 't remind him , however , that he is as good as proposed to Hekla and that dying in the war now would be the same as dying in the war if he married her . I didn 't want to think about it too much because we all could die at any moment . When we officially returned from leave , Lt . Stevens briefed us on what the Army 's plans were for us . As it turned out , we would be continuing our patrols to defend London . While he couldn 't say much about it for security reasons , he hinted that we were going to be part of a big military operation . A Message from our Legal Department : Everything posted on this site represents my personal opinion and does not reflect the opinion or position of the U . S . Government or Peace Corps , or anyone else for that matter . It should also be noted that views and opinions I might express might change over time . Just because I said it years ago , doesn 't mean I still think it today . As I evolve as a person , so do my thoughts . I suggest you consider the same . |
Life in the fast lane ! I 'm taking life one day at a time and doing my best to keep an attitude of gratitude for my ( many ) blessings ! Life throws us unexpected curve balls and it 's up to us to decide how to react to each one . We may need to adjust to a " new normal " on a regular basis ! The " assignment " is to go to the 8th folder on your computer where you store your pictures , and then select the 8th picture in that folder . I had to fudge a bit because my 8th folder ( Christmas ) had Christmas by year and I didn 't have 8 additional folders . So , I opened the 1st folder and couldn 't really tell you anything about the pictures inside because they were gathered from other places , and there was only seven pictures . So , I selected the next folder and got this picture of our sweet Isaiah . This was the first Christmas that he lived with us ( 2005 ) and he was about two and a half . He loved to dance and would often dance around the living room to real music or music that he provided to himself . He was ( and still is ) such a happy child . We have been blessed beyond measure with all of our grandchildren . They all hold special places in our hearts , but Isaiah has really carved himself a place that would be so empty if he hadn 't lived with us for nearly five years . Back when Ron was more optimistic about driving , he insisted on buying a 2000 Chevy Blazer . I could not - in any way , shape , or form - talk that man out of buying that " car . " It was a 4 - door , 4WD V6 - Vortec and looked to be in decent shape , but I didn 't think Ron would be driving much . He drove probably less than 50 miles . That 's a very liberal guesstimate . More realistic is probably 30 miles . In 13 months , 817 miles were put on the vehicle and most of it was done last fall . The car was not driven at all during the winter . So , spending $ 35 per month to insure it , on top of just making sure it stayed in good mechanical condition , was more than I wanted to keep doing . Plus , we needed the money . I listed it for $ 4500 ( which is what we paid for it ) , figuring the $ 1400 we put into the front end was just lost . { sigh } It was , plus another $ 700 . We sold the darn thing for $ 3800 and I felt extremely blessed to get it . Doc was actually quite happy with how Ron 's foot looked this morning . He said the discoloration was mostly due to the extensive work he did inside and not because the foot is more damaged . He said that he had taken out two more bones ( more fragments - partial bones ) and one near the little toe . So , the foot structure is what it is . He said that barring any complications , once the incision heals ( which he thinks it will but may need one more debridement ) that Ron can walk . But . . . big but here . . . He said that if Ron cannot walk now with his brace then he 'll not be able to walk once the incision heals . He said that the foot is as good as it will ever get . Without the bone structure inside , if Ron is unable to be steady with his brace and his shoe , then he 'll not get any steadier and we might as well seriously just look at moving ahead with the amputation . I don 't want to do that but if it means walking again or not walking again , then I 'm game . But , it 's really Ron 's decision - not mine - to make . He 's considering it . Doc said he 'd be one week in hospital and two - three weeks in rehab . While in rehab , they 'd teach him how to transfer , put on the prosthesis , and do as much care for himself as he can . With his other limitations , I 'm not sure how much self - care he can do . Ron seems to be doing pretty good but I 'm not impressed with how the incision looks . It 's kind of " gray " around it and along the side , there 's what looks like a jagged rip heading towards the toes . I know that he had a small split earlier but this is bigger and does not look like it did before . I 'm very grateful to be able to work from home as that 's what I did for about six hours today . I didn 't work but one hour each Thursday and Friday last week , so that will hurt the bottom line , but I had to do what I had to do . I 'll work for an hour in the morning before I take him to the doctor and then hope to be at work by 1 : 00pm . We knew that when Shaun and Jenny got married , there would be some mixing of traditions . Jenny was raised as a Buddhist , but her parents still celebrate Christmas when they are in the states during the holidays . Jenny converted to Christianity when she was a teenager but has never really advertised to her parents that she no longer practices Buddhism . They are very big on using traditional methods when determining when to move , how to arrange furniture , and naming children . As such , it took two years for Alexander to get his Chinese name ( they had more time to think after Kaitlyn was born ) and they 've not liked the layout of Shaun and Jenny 's apartment or how Alexander 's bed must be placed in his room . Because there is a road that intersects another right out side of Alexander 's room , their theory is that he can 't sleep well because he has too many directions he can take . Well , that couldn 't be helped but Jenny and Shaun said they would take their traditions ( superstitions ) into consideration when looking for a new place to live . The apartment they live in is not small by apartment sizes , but it 's not overly large and there is virtually no storage space . Although it has three bedrooms , they are all small and if they cleared the 3rd one out for the new baby there would be even less space in the living room for Jenny 's desk and office supplies ( she owns a private tutoring business ) or for Shaun 's books and such . Jenny 's parents offered to help buy them a house , but they also wanted to have a say in what they got . To a point , I understand and agree . They shouldn 't put money on the line for Shaun and Jenny to use irresponsibly or to make a decision not grounded enough in reality . They are still young and have never done anything of this magnitude before . What I don 't agree with is that now the money has been proffered , they feel they can tell Shaun how he needs to spend the money he earns and what his future plans should be . Shaun is in the process of paying for a cruise - for June 2011 - for his family to take . They want him to cancel it . Shaun may need to cancel if his ship 's deployment schedule changes , but as of yet he does not need to do so . They don 't want for Shaun to include us . Well - I didn 't either in the beginning . I told him many , many times that it was an expense that I could not undertake and did not want him to undertake . He decided - after consulting with Jenny and getting her permission - that he would include us anyway . He wants us to help with the kids . Or , more specifically , wants me to help with the kids . He 'd like for me to be able to take Kaitlyn and Alexander for a couple of hours while he and Jenny ( and the new baby ) spend some time alone . As alone as you can get with a new baby , but you get the idea . The baby will be about 8 - 9 months old , depending on when " it " decides to show up . ( We don 't know if it 's a boy or a girl . ) When we got the paperwork in the mail advising us of our " trip " I still told Shaun that he shouldn 't have done so . He said that it was a gift to cover all the years that he 's not gotten us a gift and for all the years in the future that he won 't get us a gift . LOL - that was some fine gift ! I am at a crossroads . Shaun is upset with his in - laws . I don 't know what direction to take . I honestly thought they liked us . Now , I 'm not so sure . They say according to their tradition , it is the groom 's family 's responsibility to help with the purchase of the home for the son and daughter . I understand that this could be so . They also say that we have more money than we have let on and that we should be the ones giving the money . { big sigh } If they didn 't want to help Shaun and Jenny with the house purchase , they should not have volunteered . I do not know how much was asked ( because of the language barrier ) and I only know what was expressed back to Shaun - then me - through Jenny . I know that it has caused them to have major words , and that is not fair for her family to put them in that position . I volunteered our financial picture to Shaun . Quite frankly , it 's worse than I thought it was . After we pay our fixed expenses , our utilities , car insurance , life insurance , health insurance , gas for the car , medical expenses , etc . , I am in the hole $ 15 . 58 BEFORE I buy one drop of groceries - and that is if I draw a nearly full paycheck , which I don 't do that often . So , I wonder where Jenny 's folks would like for us to cut back so I can direct part of our income to their housing ? I 'm cutting things back now and I intend to cut back even farther , but what I cut out will just allow us to eat . I would rather go without food than to make Ron give up his cable TV . If he could get out and do things - or could use his hands on a regular basis ( some days are worse than others ) , then maybe I wouldn 't feel so badly about cutting cable . But , when he can get from the bed to the chair and back , that is his whole world . I know that there is a little bit of cushion there , but not too much . I know I said before that I would cut back the cell phone minutes - and that will save us $ 15 per month . Not a big savings , but some . This wasn 't supposed to be a message about finances , but I seem to find a way to throw that in don 't I ? Sorry about that . . . It 's just that finances are always just under the surface , not far away , in the back of my mind . I can 't do anything without thinking about finances . ( And , before anyone thinks that I could cut back by brown bagging my lunch or other areas , let me clear that up . I carry a lunch 9 out of 10 days and usually that 10th day I just don 't eat , or I eat whatever snacks are in my overhead bin . Rarely - less than twice a month - do I buy a soda or a snack from the machine . I don 't buy Starbucks ( I did at the hospital on Thursday ) and I don 't buy McDonald 's new " fancy " coffees either . I watch these shows where people " find " hidden money each month and mostly it 's from eating lunches out , shopping and buying clothes / makeup / accessories , etc . , hitting the ATM , getting their hair done - whatever . I wouBut , enough of my sniveling . My son has a rough road ahead of him if he 's going to successfully mix the traditions together . He loves his wife and she loves him - so I pray that it all works out . I have to say this surgery was much easier on BOTH of us ! Ron did bleed , but not any more that what would be considered a normal amount . They ended up keeping him at the hospital until 6 : 00 PM on Thursday , so I think that may have helped in the bleeding . His foot was elevated for several more hours than it had been last month and I think that helped . I was also more mentally prepared for what I 'd see when I took the dressing off . I knew the " small " amount of packing they put in would actually be closer to several feet long . I didn 't measure , but I 'm comfortable with the estimate of about 3 ft in length , and the width was probably 1 - 1 . 5 inches . Instead of making a Dakins solution and packing the wound with Dakins - soaked 4x4s , they just had be get Epsom salts and he 'll soak once a day for 10 minutes . The first soak was last night and his foot bled quite a bit in the water . Maybe he won 't do that so much here on out . It is now 2 : 50 Central time ( when I started this ) . The doctor came out at 1 : 15 to tell me that surgery went well and he was able to save Ron 's foot . Said he did remove a small portion of bone but he also found some healthy tissue down in there . Said they 'd keep him here until they were sure he was not going to bleed like he did last month . If the bleeding does not stop or slow down enough , they will keep him overnight . They finally told me at 3 : 00 that he was back in his room . I found him sitting in a recliner , eating some lunch , and watching CNN . I guess he 's been in the room for about an hour or so . Ron said they told him he was going home at 4 : 00 . Not if he 's still bleeding , he 's not ! His dressing is not completely saturated , but I see " red " down a few layers . They will have to change the dressing , or at least add to it , and put his foot DOWN to see how it does . Last time , it didn 't really start bleeding until they put his foot down . As long as it 's elevated , he 's fine . Bleeding all over didn 't start last time until they tried to get him out to go . We shall see . . . I 'm not pussy - footing around this time . I know what I went through last month and how many days he spent in bed because of bleeding . I want to have a July 4th celebration at our house that will be very memorable for Ron . His remaining sister ( Wydonna ) , who lives in Tennessee , fell in a rest stop a few weeks ago and broke her knee ( not sure which knee ) ; she 's 73 and doesn 't think that her doctor will let her travel next weekend . Her daughter lives in Arkansas , his deceased sister 's ( Vicki ) girls live in Indiana and Florida . I 've invited them all here as a surprise family reunion of sorts . I told them that he 's doing fairly well right now , but that the doctor has said he 'll need his leg ( mid - calf ) amputated sometime within the next two years because of the bone infection and the break - down in the structure . Every time they remove diseased tissue and bone , it creates a less stable platform for him . I said that he 's having surgery this week and with the advancement of the Parkinson 's and vascular changes in his brain , that this summer might be a good time for them to all visit . So , Vicki 's girls ( Elana and Dana ) are coming for sure . Dana is leaving Indiana on July 1 and Lonnie ( that 's her nickname ) is leaving Florida this coming Sunday after church . She 's got four kids but she 's only bringing three because the oldest just got a job ( he graduated this year ) ; she 's a widow so there 's no husband to bring . Dana has two kids and a spouse , but the spouse is supposed to be getting a job so he may not be here . I said we have no furniture but they 're welcome to use air beds on the floors downstairs and there 's a private bathroom they can all share . Not sure I have enough towels and wash cloths for them for showers though . LOL - may have to borrow from Amy . Dana 's kids are Jennifer ( Keith 's age - maybe a year younger ) and James ( I think he 's 15 ) . Lonnie will be bringing Hotchie ( that 's his nickname - his real name is Anthony ; he was named after his dad ) , Joey ( he 's a cutie and I think he 's about 9 or 10 ) and her only girl , Elexis ( Lexie ) . She just turned 6 and since Vicki died , I 'm supposed to be her godmoConfused yet ? It will be a madhouse . I let Stacey ( step - daughter ) know about it Sunday , Amy and Keith know ; now I just have to let Tim know . Ron , without even realizing that we were having a big family thing , invited his ex - wife and her husband over , so that 's really quite funny . Stacey is taking the whole week off next week so she can come get Lonnie 's kids and take them to her house to swim ( depending on when they get here ) . I don 't have a bed any longer for Wydonna and Don but they could sleep in our bed - Ron in his chair and me on the sofa . Bob could sleep on the futon . We can make it work . Lonnie said she 'd buy groceries for her clan and she 'd make sure Dana bought for hers . So , I just have to make sure I have enough for the rest of the crowd . We 'll do hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill on the 4th . Amy and Rex will be in western Kansas but Amy said she 'd come down on Friday ( Rex has to work ) to see everyone . Dana won 't be there yet but Lonnie will . Next week will be a freaking zoo at my house - and poor Ron doesn 't know about any of it yet . I keep almost blowing it by saying stuff about getting this or getting that or whatever . It should be fun . I actually can 't wait to see everyone - all the noise included . Ron is not doing too great . He sounds better and I think that most days the confusion is not as bad . Some days he still takes " PM " pills instead of " AM " pills , or he doesn 't take any because he says he can 't figure out the pill system . We 've used this pill system for months so when he says he can 't figure it out , it concerns me . He 's managed to lose about 20 pounds in the last month or so , actually trying to . He is not eating as much and has had some very low blood sugars . I have to remind him to eat and some days he just doesn 't feel like it . He says he does not get hungry . We visited the foot surgeon today and the guy is really nice . He 's honest and tells it like it is . He says Ron has rampant infection in bones in his foot . He had surgery on the lateral side of the foot in May and had one of the bones removed . He is going back in on the 24th to have further cleaning and probably will be removing some additional bones - as much as necessary to salvage as much as possible . He says he wants Ron to walk as much as possible and to get as much exercise as possible . He says that with the years of experience he has , he does not see that this will ever heal and it 's not a matter of " if " he has to have it amputated , it 's a matter of " when " he has to have it done . The goal Thursday is to not have to do so at this point but we don 't know how bad the bones are . After shedding many tears today - by both of us - we are mentally preparing ourselves for what the doctor most likely will find next week and the knowledge that things may be worse inside the foot than they appear on the outside of the foot . It still drains and I still have to make my day revolve around changing the dressing . It should be done twice a day but there are some days that I just can 't get it done twice . One of the problems is the drainage ( and blood ) is causing problems inside his shoe ( when he wears it ) or on the carpet . The nurse suggested today that I buy sanitary pads because of the liquid proof backing they contain . It 's been so many years since I 've had to buy stuff like that , that I will have to really examine the boxes to make sure that what I 'm getting will solve the leakage problem . Part of Ron 's bone problem is that he has Charcot foot and the little bones crack and crumble over time . As they break down , they lose the ability to support weight on the foot , and then it perpetuates the cycle . He 's trying to save Ron 's leg as long as possible but says sometime within the next two years - at the outside , probably sooner - the leg will just be so infected that it will have to come off . At that point , maybe Ron 's overalPosted by My blog is so " blah " but I don 't know how to dress it up . I see so many cute layouts and backgrounds out there . I say to myself , " Self , you could do something like that to your blog . " Then , I realize I don 't know how . LOL - so , my blog is destined to look boring , but don 't let the looks fool ya ! It still contains just as much interesting fodder stuff as before . The last time we saw the Oak Ridge Boys , Joe Bonsall sang the song G . I . Joe and Lillie , which is on their Colors album . I had never heard it before but thought it was beautiful . I noticed when I went to the " sales " desk to pick up their newest CD that he also had a book by the same name - and he had autographed the books . That was very neat , but I couldn 't afford the $ 20 price tag on the book plus the money we 'd already spent on tickets and other memorabilia . A couple of weeks ago I decided to check eBay and Half . com to see if I could find a used copy of the book . I didn 't care if it was used , as long as it was in good condition . I actually found a copy for $ . 75 plus shipping . I ordered it and patiently waited . A few days later , I got a notice that the supplier did not actually have it in stock and my money had been refunded . { sigh } Tried again , and found another seller with the book for the same price . I was happy . The book came yesterday and it 's in what I would consider " like new " condition , complete with a bookmark - AND the best part of all … It 's autographed ! ! ! I was thrilled ! I read it from cover to cover last night . The story is very touching and I can see why Joe Bonsall was ( and is ) so proud of his parents . They both served during WWII and his father was a decorated hero , although Joe Sr . said the real heroes were the ones who didn 't come home . He had a point because if it wasn 't for their bravery , our world would be very different from what we currently know . Lillie 's dedication to her husband during his life was especially touching . Although I would never compare myself to her because she had a much rougher road to travel , her actions and her loyalty remind me of me . That sounds a bit conceited and I don 't mean for it to , but reading some of the things she did for him made me realize that I am just as dedicated to Ron as she was to G . I . Joe and my sacrifices are just as meaningful as hers . Our lives are similar in many aspects . I love the Oak Ridge Boys and I would love to go see them in concert next month at the Hard Rock Café in Catoosa , OK . Not happening on my budget right now . It would entail the drive and at least one night in a hotel , but it would be an awesome trip . I just subscribed to receive their email newsletter so maybe there will be other stops on their tour this year that we can get to . I know they 'll be at the Kansas State Fair but the wheelchair access seats that are worth sitting in are already sold . We were very fortunate to get to meet the Oaks one time when they were in Wichita . They were coming out the back door of the venue as we were rounding the corner to go to the entrance . They were very nice , shook our hands , and gave me their autographs . Sadly , we 've moved a few times since then and I can no longer find their autographs . I 'd love to scrapbook them . Darn the luck . Maybe Joe will read my post and send me new autographs . LOL , yeah , right . They 'll be attached to front row tickets to the Catoosa show . Of course , he 'd have to know where I lived to be able to send them to me . Hahahaha ! ( psssttt . . . . Joe - you can find me by checking out who from Derby , KS just recently signed up to receive your newsletter . LOL ! LOL ! LOL ! ) Saturday , the 12th , was our annual city - wide garage sale . I 've participated several times in the past few years but this was the first year we actually got the money paid in on time ( it 's a fundraiser for the city ) and in the map . That was good because we didn 't have time to put any signs up . As if we 'd have had room to put signs out . There were so many sales out that the plot of ground you can legally put a sign in was completely full . We didn 't suffer from lack of shoppers even though we had no signs . Friday night , the 11th , we 'd done the Relay for Life so I didn 't get to bed until about 12 : 30 am - and then back up before 6 : 00 am . We were pulling tables out of the garage by 6 : 30 and by 6 : 45 we 'd had our first " drive by " shoppers . Before 7 : 00 , we actually had people swarming the area trying to buy stuff that wasn 't organized or priced yet . Some people actually got ticked because prices were on everything but they were technically there before I was even open for business . At 7 : 45 , we had people everywhere - in the garage , on the drive , and walking toward us on the street . I was trying to get stuff out , get money in the register , and wait on people standing there . I asked Kris what time it was and when she said " 7 : 45 , " I said good ; I didn 't feel so badly for not being ready because we really weren 't even open yet ! I should have taken pictures of all the stuff . Amy had stuff , we had stuff , and my sister had driven down from KC and she had stuff . I had borrowed four long tables from a friend , I had three medium sized table of my own , Kris brought two or three small tables , Amy had brought two tables from Rex 's house , and I had borrowed two tables from my neighbor , one table from Keith , and one table from a friend at work . So , we had 13 or 14 tables and they were full most of the day and we 'd rearrange as things emptied . It was a zoo . I had a Delta Burke swimsuit ( $ 50 ) that was practically new that I hadn 't had a chance to mark . I think it 's worth $ 5 so that 's what I was putting on it . One woman offered me $ 1 for it , which I turned down . I told her that I wasn 't trying to be rude or anything , but if I was going to just give it away , I 'd donate it to charity and take a tax deduction . Basically , that 's how I feel about things . I 'm willing to mark things way down but I don 't want people to assume that just because it 's a garage sale , they can give whatever they want for something . They wouldn 't go into a store and tell the proprietors how much money they 'd pay for something and shouldn 't expect to do the same at a garage sale . No sooner had this woman put the swim suit down that another woman picked it up and tried to hand me a quarter for it . I told her sorry , and I 'd just turned down $ 1 for it . She said she agreed , it was a very nice suit and worth much more than $ 1 . So , why then , did she think I 'd take a quarter ? ? ? No clue . . . Speaking of quarters , I had several people try to offer me a quarter for my 1996 Father 's Day Longaberger basket , which is in perfect condition . This has both of the informational inserts that came with it , the plastic liner , and the cards with dividers . Well worth more than a quarter . I guess they didn 't know the difference between a " cents " sign vs . a " dollar " sign . For the people who didn 't offer me a quarter , they said that $ 25 was too expensive and you can " usually find these baskets for $ 10 - $ 15 at garage sales . " When Kris said , " from people who don 't know what they have , " the reply was usually , " that 's true . " People were just amazing . I didn 't even have time to bring out everything that I wanted to offer . I had a bunch of shoes ( nearly new ) , Amy had a bunch of shoes , I had more tools , kitchen stuff , and books . Lots of books . I am going to some of them on Craigslist . I have the entire set of the Left Behind series and two of the three " pre " books ( I have the third one but Amy can 't find it ) . Most of them are hardback and one woman wanted to give me $ 10 for the set . Others wanted to buy just one and couldn 't understand why I didn 't want to break up the set . Oh well . . . I had one man come to the register with three screw drivers - one was marked $ 1 . 00 and the other two were not . One was smaller , one was bigger , so I said $ 2 . 50 for all three of them . He said , " I 'll give you $ 2 for them . " I said that I felt the three were worth $ 2 . 50 as one was smaller and one was bigger . He said , in a very irritated voice , " I hate it when people don 't have things marked ! I 'll give you $ 2 . 00 or not at all . " I was incensed ! I said , as calmly as I could , " people started swarming us at 6 : 45 and we weren 't even opening until 8 : 00 , which made it hard to get everything out and marked . You don 't want to pay $ 2 . 50 that works for me " and then I put the three items down on the counter . I was busy with someone else and looked up to see that he 'd laid $ 2 . 00 down , picked up the screw drivers , and walked away . If I could have taken them from him without causing a scene , I would have . I 'm sure he walked off thinking he 'd pulled one over one me , but what he did was just plain selfish and low down . I had one person try to steal something ( actually , it was her son ) and then she gave me a business card to offer her services to me . Yeah , I 'm going to call someone whose son is trying to steal something right in front of me . No thanks ! All in all , it was a very successful sale . I had one person come at the end and take a couple of items that I greatly reduced so I could get rid of them . I was happy ; he was happy . Then , when he saw what we 'd put at the curb for free , he asked if he could have that . Sure , all he had to do was haul it off and I was very glad that I didn 't have to haul it off . We have more things that I will go through and put on Craigslist and maybe even ( shudder to think about it ) have another garage sale later in the summer . Maybe mid - July I 'll be in the mood to do this again . Strange happenings going on . . . I posted a comment last week on Rae 's blog without any problem . I 've posted comments on her blog before . When I went to notify her of the " versatile blogger " award , I got the message that only members could post comments . Today , I get the message that her blog is open only to invited readers and it doesn 't appear that I 'm invited . Anyone else having problems ? I sent her a message but I haven 't heard back from her yet . I hope that everything is OK with her . I am participating in this year 's Relay for Life walk , which is Friday , 6 / 11 . If you would like to make a donation through my page in memory of anyone you know who has fought cancer , please visit my personal page . I will be walking in honor of my sister who lost her battle nine years ago . My plan for this afternoon was to pick Isaiah up at the Y ( where he goes for daycare in the summer ) and then go to the grocery store . Mother Hubbard 's Cupboards are very bare . I told Isaiah that we were going to the store and he says , " I have another idea . How ' bout you take me to your house and then you can go to the store by yourself . I will keep Crampa company . " ( Nice way to say he wants to watch cartoons with Ron . ) " If you forget , I will remind you , OK ? " Great - so I told him that was actually a very good idea ; we 'd go home and I 'd fix him and Crampa dinner and then I 'd go to the store . Got home and got out some leftover pizza ( from the weekend ; Rex and Amy bought pizza when we were loading the moving van ) to heat up for Isaiah and Ron . Got Isaiah 's on the table ( he likes for me to " cook his cold " which means just barely take the chill off of it ) . Called Isaiah to the table and I hear this , very faint , call from Ron . " Teresa , can you come here for a minute ? " No indication that there is anything wrong , just can I come to the bedroom . I go sauntering into the bedroom to hear , " I think I 'm having a low blood sugar . " Ugh ! " Again ? Why didn 't you eat today ? I left you stuff to eat . " Took his sugar and it was 32 . Better than the other night but still not great . We were seriously out of everything so the only sugar in the house was chocolate syrup for ice cream . I made him drink some of that . He didn 't like it very well and wanted to know what else we had . So , I took him his pizza and he managed to eat that . On a better note , the foot is not as bad as thought . The doctor ( substitute doc ) said that the regular surgeon would need to do some further surgery on it , but at least the infection isn 't rampant . We 're very glad for that . 1 . Thank the person who gave the Award to you and link to their blog . ( Thank you , Donna ! ) 2 . Share 7 things about yourself that others may not know . I 'm the middle child of seven children - really in the middle . There are three years between me and my " youngest " older brother and three years between me and my " oldest " younger brother . Two brothers and a sister older and two sisters and a brother younger . I love to read but especially love historical novels that weave fiction in with facts . In middle school , I also read all of the biographies of the Presidential Wives that had been written ( at that time ) . In 10th grade , I read 100 books in one semester ( that 's an average of 5 books per week ) . I 'm having the hardest time coming up with a 7th item . Does that make me boring ? LOL ! 7 . I collect angels . My nominees ( in no particular order ) ( I would nominate Pat @ A View from the Edge but she 's already been nominated ) : Such a small word , but packs such power . What about the foot ? Is it a good foot ? Or , is it a bad foot ? If I were witty like Dr . Seuss , I could write some witty little ditty about the " woe is me " going on in the foot . But , I 'm not , so I 'll just have to write in plain old boring terms . The foot sucks . Really . It 's got two different infections - again - and one of them is staph - again . So , off to the doctor tomorrow morning to get it checked out . I don 't know what the plan is . Hospital ? Prescription antibiotics ? Who knows . . . Evidently , that 's how low Ron 's blood sugar can get and he can still let me know that he thinks his sugar is low . Low blood sugars most commonly occur during the night and you can sleep through the early stages . When I 've had a low blood sugar , the nausea will wake me up pretty quickly . My lowest ( that I 've caught ) has been in the low 40s . I heard Ron 's water jug hit the floor around 1 : 30 AM so I got up and went around to his side of the bed to pick it up . He was sitting up on the side of the bed , holding his hand in a semi - clenched state and said that he didn 't feel well . I asked him if he felt hospital - bad or just bad , and what part of him was sick . He couldn 't tell me . I asked him what he wanted and he said he 'd been trying to get a drink , but when I put the water jug back into his hand , he couldn 't hold it . He was very sweaty and clammy . His pain patches had come loose due to the excessive sweat so I pulled them off and cleaned the area with an alcohol wipe . I asked him if he was still sick and if he felt like he was going to vomit . He said , " I think I 'm having a low blood sugar " so I got his tester and checked . Sure enough , it was low . 27 . Two . Seven . Nearly coma level . I hurried into the kitchen to get him some juice and when I came back , he was collapsed across the bed . In hindsight , I probably should have just called an ambulance but he 'd already told me no on that suggestion . I got the juice down him and three Oreo cookies . I waited a few minutes and he was able to let me pull him into a sitting position . I took his sugar again and it was up to 47 , which was a good improvement but still terribly low . I went back to the kitchen and fixed him a peanut butter sandwich and got him two more cookies . It took a while , but we finally did get him stable and he was able to go to sleep feeling better . That 's two nights in a row that he 's had something go on that was out of the ordinary . Saturday night , he had several instances of body twitches and he was breathing so shallowly that I checked a couple of times to make sure that he really was breathing . He may have had a low blood sugar at that time but because he stayed asleep , neither of us knew it . He didn 't look like he felt good Saturday or Sunday but by yesterday afternoon , he looked and acted much better . Kathy , over at Four Dog Day is a very talented seamstress . A few weeks ago I contacted her to see about getting an item special made for me for Ron . He has such trouble with shaking and tremors that he often loses food off his fork / spoon when he 's eating . After trying to get many , many things out of his shirts , we decided that an adult bib would be good for him to have . I always cut his food up for him when we go out and make sure that the utensils he has to use are appropriate for what he is eating . We try really hard to not make a spectacle of Ron in public ( and , thankfully , he doesn 't embarrass easily ) so I do what I do with the least amount of fanfare and as privately as possible . When he spills food , I just quietly point where it is and either help him clean it up or do it if he cannot . A bib in public would be good but that may be more attention getting than Ron without . But , a bib at home is great because he 's home alone during the day and having something to " save " his shirts is good . One side is terry cloth and the other a " manly " print . Kathy thought that the trim was messed up but , honestly , I looked the thing over from one end to the other and it looks perfect to me . Ron can just simply put the " tie " part over his head and he doesn 't have to worry about fastening or unfastening anything to make it work . It 's amazing . Kathy is amazing ! When I sent her my address , I asked for her to let me know how much I owed her and I 'd mail her a check . Included in the box was a very cute ( hand made ) card . Kathy expressed that wouldn 't take a dime for the bib , saying that someone recently had done something special for her so she was just paying it forward . Thank you very much , Kathy ! The bib is fabulous and just perfect ! We greatly appreciate it . Ron 's cousin sent him a card the other day to let him know she had been thinking of him . Inside the card was this newspaper clipping from 1991 . It was published in the local newspaper five days before our seventh anniversary . I wonder how many of the people who read it wondered if we 'd make it past ten . LOL - I 'd like to send it to the paper and say " hey ! we did it ! now it 's almost 26 years ! " Anyway , I wanted to share it with you all . Keith was very impressed with it ( although they did get his age incorrect - he was almost five , not almost four ) . He laughed at my glasses and said I could frame the thing in the glasses . I laughed and said that I was at the height of style with those glasses ! I didn 't know when I talked to you nine years ago today that it would be the last time that I would hear your voice or share a laugh with you . I didn 't know that our time together would be measured in just hours instead of years . I miss you as much today as I ever did . You left a void that is always there . You would have been a wonderful grandmother . Ian is adorable and I know that you would have relished in the role . Did you hear ? Ian 's going to be a big brother and the new arrival will be a girl . You 're finally getting your little girl and you aren 't here to enjoy it . She is going to have your name . . . Leah Kathryn . Isn 't that nice ? I know you 'd be so proud . I bet she 'll have red hair , too - just like you and just like Ian . Kate tries to give the credit for the red hair completely to her side of the family , but I 'm sure that your red tendencies also contributed to it ( grin - Kate 's hairdoes remind me of yours ) . Tomorrow will be a tough day for mom . She 's never gotten over the loss and now she doesn 't have dad around to help her face it . I love you and miss you . We ate at Mel 's Hard Luck Diner on Sunday afternoon . All of the wait staff are singers and in between delivering and taking orders , they sing . I happened to see the advertisement for it on Saturday and then decided that I wanted to eat there . Matt Kester , who was a Season 4 Idol contestant ( in the top 44 ) , works there and sings Gospel music there at the diner . He sang Amazing Grace , My Chains are Gone - AND he ended up being our waiter . You can see a clip at Branson Visitor TV . The food was amazing there . We each left about 1 / 2 of our meals ( we 'd have shared except we wanted different things ) . Ron had too much sodium , but since it was something " special " instead of an everyday thing , I let him have it . " It " was a foot - long hot dog with chili , onions , and cheese . This is what was left behind : I should have taken a picture of mine , but I did not . It was a " Philly " Cheesesteak Sandwich , but that 's not what they called it . I don 't know how much meat was on it , but I 'm guessing it had at least 8 ounces of roast beef , mushrooms , onions , and peppers - and cheese - all on a toasted sourdough bun . Oh . My . Goodness . It was phenomenal . I left fully half of it . I ate as much of the meat as I could , choosing it over the bread . But , the bread was really , really good . We also ate at Lambert 's , which bills itself as the " Home of the throwed rolls . " The rolls are marvelous ! When you order , you need to take into consideration that not only will you get your meal , you 'll also get the " free pass arounds , " which are fried potatoes , black - eyed peas , fried okra , tomatoes and macaroni , and don 't forget those rolls - plus sorghum to go on them if you want . Ron ordered the small chicken fried steak ( an 11 ounce portion ) , which came with mashed potatoes and two sides . He chose cottage cheese and white beans . I ordered the chicken and dumplings , with baby carrots and fried apples . Of course , neither of us could finish those meals , either . Are you hungry yet ? I have one more picture . It came from the restaurant next to the IMAX theater . We did share this . We also saw Paul Revere and The Raiders and he commented that he used to be every bit as good of a bass player as the one in his band . If he had taken a different path , he could have been just as famous as any one of them - but he would have been in another world , and not mine and that 's what is important . At one point in our married life ( about 15 years ago ) , he was encouraged to audition to be the bass player for John Michael Montgomery but he turned it down . I told him that if he had gone ahead and done this , then maybe his life would have turned out differently . He 's not sure but says that his health may have still gone " south " on him and then he would have been without the health insurance that has kept us afloat for the past several years . I don 't know for sure , but I do know that he is still my hero , no matter who has to be the protector . Ron says the " lamp " went out in the living room television . Again . The last lamp lasted about 18 months , which is an average amount of time . |
She smiled sadly into the phone . " It 's my favorite ! Why don 't you get Jordan and Jody and ask if they want to come over ? We can all watch it here and I 'll put together some food . " Kermit had gone . She should have figured - - she 'd thrown herself at him last night - - what must he think of her ? Probably he had skipped out for a few days to let things cool down . She should never have rushed him . She might not have - - had never done so before - - but she had never felt for anyone what coursed through her when she thought of the mysterious man behind his walls of green glass . Could she have completely misread his feelings for her ? Still in a haze of disappointment , she went about the business of the afternoon - - she went over the applications with the Wangs , then left them to make some preliminary choices while she went out to pick up some groceries for the evening . The unseen watcher was again with her as she walked to the Huan 's little corner store and back . Amber might have paid more attention to the sensation had she not been numbed with self - doubt . Around six , she went upstairs to prepare for her guests . Mai and Joseph knew to call up if they needed her , but she was sure Mai would do a fine job . Joseph was becoming quite the salesman - - his young good looks made him a hit with the older ladies of the community - - and the younger ones , too . But it was his young wife Amber had her eye on : Mai had the potential to manage the store . If these two were the ones she was to sign ' The Unturned Page ' over to , she had no doubt that Mai would become the shop 's driving force . Amber looked around her flat , making sure there were no signs left of last night 's tryst . With Kermit 's flight , she did not want to have to talk about it . His tie went in her bedtable drawer ; his shirt hung on a hook on the inside of her closet door . She would take both to the cleaners down the block so that on his return , she could render them fresh and pressed to their owner , thereby relieving him of feeling pressured by her . A hockey game called for food that could be eaten on the sofa , in front of the TV . Amber suspected that Peter , being what he was , would invite some extra folks along . She threw together tortilla chips and cheese , ready to be melted into cheese nachos , then put the chicken wings on cookie sheets for heating , basting sauce handy . A quick spinach and cheese dip for the potato chips took her no time . Lastly , Amber set up a tray of sandwich makings and cut vegetables . No matter how many people Peter brought , no one would leave her home hungry . Footsteps on the stair alerted her that she had been correct - - more than three people were coming . Peter and Jordan , followed by Skalany , Jody and Blake trooped in . Peter bestowed a brotherly kiss upon her forehead . " I hope you don 't mind the extras . " He looked at her , startled . " How did you - - never mind . He 'll be along in a minute . And Lo Si is with him . " " Man , I wanted to warn you about Kermit - - he was there this morning when I left to meet you , but when I got back from lunch he was gone . You have to know - - he does this . I don 't think he 's completely left the old days behind . From time to time he 'll disappear for a few days . When I heard Peter call you about it , I figured you might have taken it wrong . " " Oh . " Amber could think of nothing to say . How had Jody put her finger so exactly on her feelings ? She didn 't know if she had taken it wrong - - had he left like that due to some mercenary emergency ? Whatever was up , he was too far away for her to try to read - - and though she might have had a chance with someone other than Kermit , that man knew too well how to shield his mind . She would just have to see . Maybe she was taking it too personally , but the timing was suspicious , and she 'd been treated lightly by men before . Caine and the Ancient tapped at the doorway right about then , and Amber ushered them in with a smile . Caine said , " Thank you for your hospitality . I hope my son did not presume upon your good nature . " She laughed . " You are always welcome in my home , Caine . You and Lo Si , " she gave the old man another smile . " You honor me with your presence . But I never figured you two for hockey fans . " The nachos melted quickly and the wings took little time to cook . Amber brought out the light beer she had picked up . How they could drink it , she did not know , but they did . She joined Caine in drinking water . The Ancient sipped at a beer , but quickly invaded her kitchen to make a pot of tea for himself . The evening went well . Amber enjoyed the company of her new friends , and the hockey game was close , with lots of good , clean hockey . She had never liked the gratuitous fighting , preferring the game itself . For a time , she even almost forgot to be hurt at Kermit 's defection . She decided that once hockey season began , she wanted to watch the games with this crowd - - they were a boisterous lot . Peter was trying to explain the game to Caine , who merely nodded in response to everything . The Ancient whooped and hollered along with Amber and Blake , even though he did not seem to really care about who was winning . Amber had not had such fun in ages . Never at a loss for something to do , she had seldom had so many friends at once . Usually , she was set about aiding people from the moment she hit a town - - here in Sloanville , she was beginning to see that she was going to be more of an auxiliary to Caine . The idea of having the luxury to build a life was attractive . It had been a long time since she had felt she had the time to indulge her need for a social life . In recent years , most of her friends had been those she had helped , not people who , like these , seemed to want nothing more than her company . Her visitors did not stay very late . Skalany and Jody helped Amber clear up , and then she let them out . As she waved them all out of sight , she was aware that her stalker was again nearby . This time , she did begin to wonder . Should she tell someone ? But what would she tell them ? That someone was watching her , but she only knew because she had ESP ? Even if her new cop friends believed her , there was nothing they could do on that information . She locked up , double - checked the alarm and went to bed . Saturday night Jody took her up on an invitation to come spend a " girl night ' . Amber made hot cocoa with whipped cream , and they ate cookies out of the package . Jody had brought a video they had each admitted to secretly wanting to see . It was a real tearjerker - - a four - hanky special . The psychic had not fully realized until now how much she craved a girlfriend to have these cozy times with . " Kermit goes away from time to time . I think it 's because of old debts getting called in . Then again , every so often he 's decided to go look at some ancient ruin or other . Why , I don 't know . What I do know is that you shouldn 't take it to heart . " Too late . The timing - - that was what made Amber worry - - that and the one small fact she could not ignore - - the fact that he had asked someone else to let her know he was leaving . What could that mean ? Then again , did it mean anything ? What good was being a psychic if she couldn 't get answers to questions like these ? " I guess it 's got to do with my history with men , " she admitted . " I 've not had that good a track record . Every time I think I 've found the right one , he does something - - blow town , get with another woman , tell me my life is too weird - - or worse , I end up having to move on and he doesn 't even try to ask me to stay . " " I 'm also an ethically trained psychic , " Amber returned miserably . " If I did that sort of thing , it would be kind of like Anakin Skywalker giving in to the Dark Side . I 'm not supposed to try to invade or influence people - - although with that Mercenary Man , I have to admit I 've been tempted . " Sunday was a quiet day , which left Amber alone too long with her thoughts . When Skalany called with an invitation to join herself and Jody at Delancy 's , the young woman jumped at it . She had a good evening with the two policewomen , trading stories and eating bar food . She was walking home when the figures jumped her . Right away , she knew that the leader was the same unseen watcher she had felt for days . They were five , surrounding her , moving with a sinuous grace certain martial artists develop . " We don 't need any more damn do - gooders around here , " snarled the leader . He was tall . She could see nothing but gleaming black eyes behind the dark ski mask . " The boss wanted us to let you know you 're not wanted here . " She turned warily , slowly , using eyes and talent to keep tabs on each of the five . Four of them were still circling her as she responded to the one who seemed to be in charge . " Who 's the boss ? And why is he so sure no one wants me here ? " " No one else counts , " the man told her coldly . " Shang Kai Zeng casts the only vote that matters . There are enough Chinese talents meddling around here - - we don 't need any white " he spat the word . " witches sticking their noses in . Go back to your own people , little girl . " One of them lunged . Amber might be averse to killing , but self - defense was another matter . As Uncle Dougie had taught her , she caught the attacker with a right uppercut . Simultaneously , she attacked two of the others with a mental shriek directed at their spinal cords . It shut down the nervous system temporarily - - just long enough to drop them to the ground and make them want to think about getting back up . The leader advanced with a menacing step and a long black cosh as one of the other two leaped at her , catching her in the gut with a hard kick . She fought like a wildcat and marked them with her nails through their masks before the rain of blows from the nightstick broke her concentration - - she could not use her talent to keep the other two away with such distraction , and the one she 'd clipped was already up and assisting his cronies . The small satisfaction she had known at the feel of her fingernails breaking the skin faded as she recognized that the masks kept their skin from under her nails . There would be nothing for the coroner to identify , and it was beginning to look bad for her . She hoped she might have enough wit left to make herself ready to die . The pain lancing through her middle and her head told her these men were serious - - she had little chance of making it out of this . Then they were there - - a tall , grey - haired figure in brown and a small man in grey robes with an impish little face . Caine and Lo Si . The Ancient placed himself in front of Amber , sliding gracefully into a defensive posture . He kept himself between her and the assailants . Caine took the offensive , a brown blur to Amber 's eyes . He quickly routed the men attacking her , chasing them off with a final contemptuous kick at the leader 's hindquarters . Amber tried to laugh at that , but slumped suddenly to the concrete . Caine caught her tenderly , lifting her into his arms . She thought for one moment that he was someone else , someone she could not delude herself from knowing she wanted to see . Her world turned black . " You are awake , " a soft voice told her with evident satisfaction . She blinked , lifted her head . Lo Si stood beside her , Caine at the foot of the bed . It was Lo Si who had spoken . " None . They just cracked two , luckily , " her ' big brother ' told her . " Mostly you were just bruised inside and out . You 're very fortunate . It could have been much worse . " " What in the hell is going on ? " A voice demanded from the hall . There was chaos in the corridor , like the orderlies were trying to keep someone out of a place he wanted to get into . Apparently they failed . Kermit burst through the doorway . " What are - - Amber ! " He was at her side in a flash ; face twisted in . . . was it anger ? " What happened to you ? I 've been trying to reach - - " he broke off as he got a good look at her battered face . Amber turned her head , closed her eyes . Kermit touched her cheek . " Damn . I should have been here . How did they get you , Green Eyes ? " This did not sound like a man who 'd run away from her . She cautiously looked back at him . " I was walking home from Delancy 's . . . " Kermit 's face registered holy wrath . " What in the hell did you think you were doing ? We talked about you running at night - - what made you think you could walk alone at night in that neighborhood ? " " Yeah , right . Have you seen your face ? " His gentle finger on her cheek belied the anger in his tone . " If that 's how you take care of yourself , Green Eyes , remind me not to let you take care of me . " She closed her eyes again . " There were five of them . Usually the creeps who hassle a girl on the street are less organized . " Her tone took on an edge . " Besides , who are you to tell me what to do ? " Peter and his father recognized the potential firestorm and withdrew to the doorway . Lo Si withdrew a little way , as well . Peter did not necessarily try to overhear , but he did not try not to , either . It was looking like he had missed something between these two friends of his . He 'd hardly given it a thought when he 'd gotten Kermit 's note asking him to tell Amber he was going away , but now . . . well , he had apparently been clueless again . She had a similar look about her bruised and battered face . " I don 't see where you get off telling me anything - - you who took off without a word to me . I thought there might have been something between us - - that finally someone I cared about might care about me , too . Boy , do I feel stupid now ! Damn it , you had Peter call me . You didn 't care enough to call yourself ? " Kermit sat down in the chair now , removed his sunglasses . " Is that - - oh , Amber , I 'm sorry . It 's been a long time since I had to worry about someone caring that much about where I was . I haven 't had to explain my life to anyone in a long time . " " I actually left you a note . It 's probably still in my office . " Nobody went into his office when he was away anymore . Paul Blaisdell had been able to do so with impunity , but even Peter knew better now . " I 'm not good at being very close to people . Ask my ex - wives . " He thought a moment . " No , don 't . If they find out where I am , I might have to start paying alimony again . No , wait - - they did remarry , so I 'm off the hook . I 'll even find out where they are for you . You check with them - - they 'll tell you . I 'm rotten at this sort of thing , " he was babbling now , and he knew it . Time to shut up . When was the last time Kermit Griffin had found himself babbling ? Then again , when had a woman he cared about been beaten like this ? " What - - the part where I didn 't tell you I 've come to care about you too much already ? " He told her gravely , " You 're likely to have to live with me not telling you that . Actively not telling you . That 's another thing I 'm not good at . " She tried to sit up . This time , she managed . She was already healing . Peter and Kermit tried to push her back , but she shook them off impatiently . " Damn it ; let me up . I 'm a fast healer - - I just can 't move too quickly right now . Damn it - - what about my store ? " " What can I do ? Tomorrow I 'll file the insurance claim , and start over . I 'll need another storefront . " She rallied , sat up again . " I am for damn sure not letting any two bit hood with a match chase me out of here . " She flashed him a grateful smile . " Thank you . I can buy anything reasonable you find . I 'll call the Wangs tomorrow . They 'll need to know they are still under my employ , and still getting paid . We should be up and running again by the end of the week . " Kermit smiled to himself . He had to admire her determination . Peter asked , " What are you talking about ? The insurance company isn 't going to pay out that fast ! " Amber turned her 1000 - watt smile on him . The effect was only partially marred by the damage . " Why Peter , you know I have more money than brains . As soon as I can get around without groaning - - probably faster than the doctor would like - - I 'll be able to get going on getting things together . Can someone get me to a hotel ? " Kermit put a hand lightly on her shoulder . " No . Hey , Caine doesn 't even have electricity . Stay with me . I have plenty of room . " " That 's right - - you bought a house , didn 't you ? " The younger cop asked . " But you 're a bit out of Chinatown , aren 't you ? " " You 're a prince . You 're my Frog Prince . Now , " she went on petulantly , " Can we get me checked the hell out of here ? " There was no arguing with her . Peter and Kermit were not sure she should leave yet , but Caine did not seem to agree with them , and Amber was determined to get out of the hospital , calling it an ' antiseptic edifice ' . The Ancient merely smiled his elfin smile and offered her his arm to lean on . She limped with his support to the nurses ' station and insisted on checking out right away . Dr . Sabourin finally agreed to let her go , as long as she took it easy . Amber , stubborn as she was , could not get out of being wheeled out of the hospital . Kermit pulled his Corvair around as the intern stopped the chair . Caine helped her stand . " Come to the station in the morning , " Peter told her . " We 'll get the insurance people on the right track , and take your statement . I 'll try to get the Captain to let me work on this one . " " And you , Kwai Chang Caine - - thank you for coming to my rescue . " She turned last to hug Lo Si and bestow a kiss on his old cheek . " And you , for protecting me . Thank you , my Chinese angel . " He twinkled at her . " You owe me now , young lady . " Then he told her gravely . " I told you already that there are those who will seek to hurt you . You must be very careful . The danger is not over . " Kermit didn 't say anything as he pulled the green Corvair out of the lot . Amber leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes . Finally , he spoke . " You know , walking around that neighborhood at night alone was stupid . " His tone was also casual . " Why in the hell did you walk home by yourself ? " " Because Delancy 's is close to the store . . . was close to the store , " she corrected herself . Her store was no longer - - at least not for the moment , and would not be in the same place . " Because I 've never been afraid to be alone . " " Yes , I am . But I will be better soon . " It was a promise . As it turned out , she slept beside him again . They were chaste enough , but Amber felt herself much reassured with his warmth next to her . They arrived at the 101st bright and early . Their joint entrance did not go unnoticed , but no one mentioned it . Jody gave Amber a wink on the sly . The honey - tressed woman returned it with a twinkle in her eye and a sheepish grin . So much for secrets . Once the report was filed , she used Peter 's desk phone to call the insurance agent , who agreed to meet her at the property in ten minutes . Her old friend chuckled as she reported this . He directed a look at the closed door . Peter and Jody went with her to meet Ross , the agent . Amber walked around what was left of ' The Unturned Page ' with a lump in her throat and tears threatening . Impatient with herself , she shook them away - - no one had been hurt , and Jody had managed to save all her important documents and her computer . It was only things that had been destroyed , and things could be replaced . She would have been incapacitated had Mai or Joseph been in the shop when it went . Ross agreed that Providence Insurance would pay out quickly , but Amber 's premiums were going to go up . The young woman nodded her acquiescence . She 'd never had an incident before , and the alarms she had always used were usually enough of a deterrent . Anyone who could bypass her security was dangerous enough that she did not blame the insurance company for wanting to raise her rates . She left , then stepped out of the precinct and into the street before she realized that she had not asked Peter how to get to Caine 's home . No matter , she shrugged to herself . All she would need to do was find and follow that serenity she had felt from him the moment he 'd first stepped into her shop . He slid off the ledge and bowed to Caine . " Thank you for allowing me to join your meditations . I am an old man and Amber is an injured woman . We will have to walk slowly , so we should start now . " Amber nodded gratefully . Her ribs were bothering her from the climb up , and she would be grateful for the brief wait before the descent . After a cup of steaming tea she felt much better and followed the brisk old man with barely a wince . " You will like this new place , I am sure . " He told her as he led the way . She was trying to keep up , one hand touching the painful ribs . Suddenly , he seemed to notice her discomfort . " I am sorry , child , " he apologized with a smile . " I am forgetting your injuries . " She dropped her pace with a sigh of relief . " Thank you , Lo Si . Usually , I could keep up fine , but I 'm afraid I 'm a little slow today . " She hung her head . " I 'm afraid I didn 't think long about it . I 've never had anyone out to get me before . " Amber stopped dead and stared . It was wonderful ! Her little Chinese angel had picked a tall , narrow brownstone built in the 1930 's . It was the kind of storefront she had dreamed of , with the same old - fashioned windows and door as one sometimes saw on Christmas cards . She clapped her hands together . A middle - aged Chinese man emerged through the front door Amber was coveting . He strode toward them with his hand outstretched . Lo Si performed the introductions and tagged along as Ling showed the property . There was an attractive little apartment over the store , accessed by both the back stairs and a little lift . The apartment occupied the second and third floors - - two bedrooms and a bath on the top , kitchen , great room , a small office and bath on the second . The rear storage area on the store level was a bit narrower than her last one had been , but Amber was seeing possibilities . Ling named a figure Amber thought reasonable , and she shook his hand . While he called her bank to verify her first check , she drifted around the retail space with a dreamy look , envisioning where things would go . When she and Lo Si left , she was the proud owner of a new home for ' The Unturned Page ' , complete with keys and the alarm code . She tried to call the Wangs from her cell phone , but the thing did not seem to work . She walked Lo Si back to his flat , and then returned to the precinct . Peter gravely told her , " I was afraid of that , " Amber admitted . " I got a couple of them with my nails , but through their masks . I 'm afraid all you 'd get from under my nails would be wool fibers . " " Shang Kai Zeng would be foolish to only have people here , " she agreed . " He 's very clever . Say , I need to use a phone . " He gestured to the one on his desk and went over to Strenlich 's office . Amber phoned the Wangs and gave them the news . They were indignant that anyone would do that to her store , but glad to know she would be reopening soon . Then she called a few suppliers and arranged for restocking , and arranged to have power , telephone and even cable turned on in the building . Finally , she called the cellular phone people , and was told to bring her unit into the nearest store , which was a few blocks away . Jody and Skalany offered to go with her . " I 'll be fine soon , " the psychic assured her . " Be right in no time . I just don 't understand why Shang is so set on getting rid of me . " " Word has it he likes to dabble in the arcane , " the brunette replied . " Keep an eye out , will you ? If he can 't chase you away , and you 're not dead , I 'm afraid he may try something else . This is probably not over . I heard Kermit and Blake discussing your next alarm system . " The saleswoman checked out Amber 's phone while she waited . " I 'm more angry than anything , " she admitted to her new friends . " This man thinks he can frighten me away , or make me leave by destroying my property . And then to have his bullyboys try to kill me ? It 's just too much ! " Amber sighed . There was nothing she could do about it now . " Well , I need a new contract , then . And I think I want you to note that any request to alter or terminate the service has to be accompanied by not only my signature , but a photo id . " That was all she could do for now . The new service established , the three women returned to the station . Amber felt those eyes on her again , but still said nothing . There was nothing to say . As they re - entered the precinct house , she ventured , " Maybe all three of us could get together one evening once I 'm in the new place . " " Yes , I have . And it 's not the kind of excitement I would have chosen . I filed the necessary reports , but Peter doesn 't think we 'll get anywhere . " The Captain shook her head . " No , I 'm not worried about that . People with strange abilities tend to attract trouble , but that 's hardly their doing . I really want to know you 're okay . I get the feeling a friend of mine cares about you . " " Amber , you may think me a somewhat reserved person , but I care a lot about my people . Peter Caine and Kermit Griffin are two of my best people - - and Powell and Skalany rank up there as well . If they all find you worth their time and care , I have to , too . I 've also made some of those calls I mentioned - - you come highly recommended . Jim Willard in particular told me I should get to know you . " She was dismissed . This woman , Karen Simms , had such a natural sense of authority - - it was easy to see why she made such a good Captain . She reminded Amber a bit of Jim , with whom she had enjoyed a working friendship . " Whenever you are , " she told him . He cocked his head and led the way to the parking lot . Amber added , " I need some clothes , if you wouldn 't mind . " Amber did not take long to shop . She merely presented a credit card to the sales clerk and handed the girl a list with her sizes and the items she needed , and then waited with Kermit while the girl rounded them up . That done , they left laden with a number of bags . He couldn 't help it . He laughed . Then he couldn 't stop laughing , and sat back in the driver 's seat , shaking his head as he tried to bring his mirth under control . " You . " He removed the glasses , wiped his eyes and replaced them . " Your shop is incinerated along with everything you own , you 're beaten senseless on the street and the thing you find to worry about is my shirt and tie ? " " Take your time , " he told her . He did not let her go in until he had performed his little coming - home ritual , though . Finally , she went up the stairs and took the shower she 'd been dreaming of for hours and slid into new underwear and clothes . She sighed deeply . " I hoped I could get away without this , but give me a couple of minutes . " She went back up and used some of the cosmetics she 'd picked up with the clothes . With enough concelaer and foundation she looked almost normal . He had chosen a rather nice restaurant . The interior was rich with dark wood and subdued upholstery . The maitre d ' showed them to a table in a quiet table , where Amber smiled to herself at Kermit 's choice of seat - - he had automatically put his back to the corner . She still could not have said why she found him so attractive , but it was , as always , hard to pull her eyes away from his face . Kermit took pleasure in the view from his side of the table . It had been some time since he 'd felt this way - - maybe since adolescence . He had thought of her more than once while he was out of town . Truth be told , he had thought of her almost constantly . New York City had seemed colder than usual this time , and the Arab more annoying . Wilson had a lot to answer for . Kermit had wanted to call her quite a few times over the weekend . He had tried to call from almost the moment he 'd touched down , but had been unable to get through . Then Peter 's call had come , telling him Amber was at City General . . . he 'd been nearly frantic . If she had been hurt more seriously , or worse , he would have been terribly angry with somebody . As it was , he was angry . Angry with Wilson , who had called him away with an urgent message that had turned out to be nothing , after all . Angry with whoever had attacked Amber , and at Shang Kai Zeng for ordering it . Angry with Amber for having been out alone and not careful enough . But mostly , he was angry with himself , for reasons he could not fully explain , even to himself . He knew now that he should have phoned her himself when he 'd had to leave . How could he have thought it wouldn 't matter ? When he 'd found her room , and seen her face - - she 'd looked like three miles of bad road . It was bad enough that Peter had had to call and tell him where she was : he 'd tried the shop phone , her apartment and her cell , all of which had gotten him nothing . But then , to see that he was the last one there when she needed help . . . Kermit still found himself wanting to smash something . At least it had been Lo Si holding her hand , not Peter . It wouldn 't have been right - - Peter had had so much in the way of ' the love of a good woman ' - - this was his turn . And then when Amber had turned away from him , closed her eyes . . . he hadn 't needed to be a psychic to know something was wrong . At least it was easily fixed - - all he had had to do was apologize . He would not make the same mistake again . He could not promise never to disappear again , but he damn well could make sure to tell her himself . Amber sipped cautiously at the wine he had selected . It was very good . If she did not watch herself , she might be tempted to drink more of it than was good for her . " Lo Si found me the perfect place . I should be able to move in tomorrow or the day after . " " Yes , a ' 67 Mustang ! A dark blue one - - this sounds perfect . I 'll call this guy tomorrow and take a look at it if I can . Oh , this would be great ! " She called first thing about the Mustang , while Kermit ate a bowl of oatmeal under her watchful eye . Really , the man had no idea how to eat properly - - he had actually told her he never ate breakfast ! Amber was cautious , calling the Mustang 's owner so early , but he did not seem to mind at all . He told her to come along and take a look now , if she liked . Kermit drove her to the address Bob Reed had given , and watched impassively while she looked it over . Bob turned out to be an elderly man , still strong and muscular , with a white beard and a quick grin for the young woman who so enthusiastically appreciated his classic . She drove it around the neighborhood , enjoying the feeling - - she had not driven a car in a long time , and the act imparted a sense of freedom she hadn 't known she 'd lost . The Mustang was a manual , and she made a mental note to thank Uncle Dougie for teaching her to drive one . Totally enchanted with this piece of automotive history , she wrote a check for Bob 's asking price without demur . Amber waited patiently while Bob called her bank . He hung up , handed over the registration with another smile . " Here y ' are , Miss . Drive ' er like you love her , is all I ask . " That earned her another wide grin . " Then hold , on , Missy . " He vanished into his house and reappeared with a battered old book . " Found this at a library sale back in the eighties . It 's all you 'll need to know . If it isn 't in there , you 'll have to go to someone with machinery to pull the engine out . " She called the phone and power people , and confirmed that service had been switched to her name . A few calls let her know that her personal furniture would arrive tomorrow , along with the cookware she had ordered . The merchandise and display cases would take one more day . She had not felt watched since yesterday afternoon . Things seemed to be settling back down - - maybe Mary Margaret had been wrong , and Shang had decided she was not worth the trouble . Amber walked past the 101st to the pub Peter had chosen last week . She found a booth near the back and sat . Kermit walked in a few moments later and slid in across from her . Amber reached across the laminate table to touch his hand . " You have a standing invitation , " she told him . " Any time you like . But I 'd really like you to come see it this evening . " The two men were returning . Kermit gave Jody a hard look , but slid in beside Amber without comment . They gave Sally their orders and Amber let Jody lead the conversation . It suddenly occurred to her that she had a place here . For the first time in her life , Amber had a home and a stake in keeping it . Oh , maybe she had not bought a house or thought about having babies yet , but she had bought a car . She had what looked like the beginning of an interesting relationship , even if it had mostly been physical to date . She had friends - - two real girl friends , who actually wanted to spend time with her - - not merely people seeking her help . And then there was dear Lo Si , who could brighten her whole day with his elfin smile . And most curious of all , perhaps , was the fact that her inner heart seemed to have stopped thinking about the next move . For as long as she could remember , there had been a secret little place in her that had always said things like , ' in the next store , ' or ' maybe next time I should ' . That voice was silent - - had been silent since she 'd arrived in Sloanville . She glanced at Kermit beside her . He made no gesture , so she said , " Sure . Got a couple things to take care of , so I might be a little late . " Kermit went back to the precinct in a strange mood . Most of the other cops had grown accustomed to him by now and when they saw his expression , steered clear of the man . He noted this with a wry internal grin . This time , they couldn 't possibly have read his expression accurately - - he didn 't know what the mood was , himself . He wasn 't angry , although that was a safe assumption for anyone else to make . He strode into his office and shut the door ; trying to get back to the process he 'd been following that morning . It didn 't work . A light tap announced Karen Simms . She softly closed the door behind her and sat . " All right . The lady 's been staying with me while she looked for a new place . She 's got furniture and everything coming tomorrow , and she 'll be coming back to live in Chinatown . " " I don 't like the idea of her coming right back to where she was attacked . I don 't like Amber putting herself right back in Shang 's reach . And I 'm going to . . . " " Miss her ? " Karen 's voice was gentle . She 'd had time to get to know this man , to learn that his tough shell was carefully constructed to protect a man who was not as hard as he liked to pretend . " And if she gets that ' call ' she talks about ? The call to leave and find others who need her ? " He put the keyboard on his lap , deliberately rocked back onto the rear legs of the chair . " I couldn 't ask her to stay based on . . . what ? A week ? It wouldn 't be right . " Amber looked up as Kermit entered the store from the back . She gave him a welcoming smile as she shook the papers together and set them in a stack . " You made it ! " Blake came forward , holding some sort of electronic box , rolls of wire draped over his shoulder . Kermit produced another roll from beneath his coat . Skalany and Jody , Jordan and Peter followed , each carrying part of the system . The process took less time than she would have thought . She helped as well , doing exactly what Blake told her . She did cheat a little , sending a tendril of thought towards the little man , making sure she knew precisely what he meant . She probed no further - - would not have violated his thoughts for anything . When it was all done , Kermit and Blake showed her how to arm and disarm it , how to set it for ' home ' , and made sure she understood . Then the gang went off to the bar . Skalany said with a sly look , She did so . He seemed suitably impressed with the place . " You sound like you plan to be here a while . Bought the building , bought a car . . . " They made it to Delancy 's . Amber found a space for her new car close to the entrance . As she walked with Kermit into the place , she thought for just a moment that someone was watching . It was not the same person as before , and was gone so quickly she decided she must have imagined it . Inside , the bar was as warm and friendly as she recalled it , and she spent the evening in a friendly wrangle with Peter over which team would take the Stanley Cup this year . Once more , Kermit remained at her side the whole time , but talked with Frank Strenlich and Kelly . Caine came in with a sturdy brunette , whom he introduced to Amber as Cheryl . Cheryl seemed to know everyone here , and Caine went over to sit with Mary Margaret . Amber was again swept by the new feeling of having friends . She 'd known these people so short a time - - but they all cared about her . Not one of them seemed to have any motive other than friendship . The next few days sped by . Doctor Sabourin cleared the young woman to carefully work her way back into her usual routine . Amber and the Wangs got ' The Unturned Page ' organized , and Amber 's apartment was simple to arrange to her satisfaction . By Saturday , Amber thought they would be ready to re - open on Tuesday . Kermit had spent a night in her new place . She was feeling a certain contentment with her new life . She had even begun to think about what she would do when it came time to turn over the store - - and leaving Sloanville was not in her plans . Jody was coming Sunday night to have another little party - - Mary Margaret had pulled night shift again and could not join them . Amber spent a little time shopping for their evening , then hurried back to her apartment to get ready for tonight - - Kermit had asked her to join him at the opera . Who would have thought ? She had to look perfect . Amber spent quite some time experimenting with her makeup to see what would cover the last of the bruises and complement her dress . Finally satisfied , she was ready just as the buzzer told her he was downstairs . She swept down the stairs with a flair of floor length dress to let him in . Kermit stood very still to take in the sight . He was in his usual well - tailored suit and a formal dark tie this time . But Amber . . . she wore a long dress of something soft and shiny - looking , in a color so like her hair it was hard to tell where one stopped and the other started . Her green eyes sparkled up at him . The neckline was low and square , and she must have done something , for there were no traces of the bruising on her face or chest . Her jewelry was simple - - a single strand of richly colored amber beads and matching earrings . Her hair was done up , cascading down over one shoulder . She looked . . . perfect . Her grin widened as she saw the very effect she 'd hoped for . He looked stunned , and in a selfish little part of her , she exulted . The rest of her was merely relieved she 'd managed without going overboard . The opera was Carmen , and Amber enjoyed it immensely . She was conscious of him beside her the whole time , though . When they went out to the lobby for the intermission drinks , she stayed close to him . The press of people was difficult for her , and their surface level thoughts seemed to be mostly full of who was there to see them . She found herself pulling Kermit along to a secluded corner where their only companion was a middle - aged man of lean build whose thoughts were calm , reliving the joy of the music . Amber smiled tiredly . " Yes . I find that anyone who studies a martial art or mystic tradition can govern his thoughts . And those who have learned in more dangerous professions , " she looked up at him through her lashes . She took his arm once more and they made their way back inside . In the press of people , a man jostled against her , knocking her into Kermit . The man excused himself hurriedly and pushed through the crowd before Amber could reply . Sunday evening , Amber and Jody had dinner and girl talk again , and were sitting on Amber 's new sofa in their pajamas when Amber suddenly sat bolt upright . She stiffened , and Jody touched her to find every muscle locked fast . The alarm went crazy and five figures erupted through the stairway door . Jody put up a fight , kicking and punching with incredible precision , but she was outnumbered . Jody shrieked and fought madly . Then one of the masked figures clipped her over the head with the butt of his gun and she went limp . Amber watched this in despair - - she could move her eyes now , but no more . She screamed as two of the men - - the same ones who had attacked her only a week ago - - lifted her from the couch and carried her toward the stairs . Unfortunately , the screams echoed in her own head , but no sound came from her lips . Two others had Jody , and the last looked around the apartment before following his comrades down the steps , calmly ignoring the cacophony from the still - shrieking alarm . |
I went to my favorite weight class tonight , but the instructor was late . We all milled around for a bit , then someone went to ask the front desk what the heck was up . A quick call to his home , and he was there five minutes later . We gave him grief about it , good - naturedly of course , and set to working out . It did seem odd , though . Not like Pete . About twenty minutes into the class I was doing a triceps press and Pete wandered over . I straightened up that extra millimeter you do when the trainer is watching , but for once he didn 't say anything about slowing down . He 's always telling me to slow down . He leaned against a machine and gazed off somewhere . " I heard from a friend yesterday that an old friend of ours was in the hospital . " He made the universal bottle - tipping motion to indicate a heavy drinker . " He 's been messed up for a while … but I guess everything was just shutting down . " I couldn 't tell if he was talking to me or the guy on the other side of him . I 'm not sure he was actually talking to either of us . " So today I dropped my son off at a friend 's house to spend the night , and called my friend 's house to see if I could come see him . He just came home from the hospital last night . And you know what ? They told me he 's dead . Just like that . " He shook his head and wandered off . " I … sorry , " I said to his back . What do you say ? For the rest of the class Pete seemed fine . He moved us through the stations with usual irritating energy . He made us stop randomly and do push - ups . He cracked jokes and at the end of the hour wished everyone a happy new year . But for a brief moment when he faltered , I wouldn 't have known what actually ringing in his head . I had just finished a particularly disastrous trip through Costco . Did you know they don 't take Visa ? Neither did I . I was very displeased to discover this fact , even more displeased than the nice checker guy who had to put back my cart full of super - sized groceries . Heh , heh . Sorry , nice checker guy . Anyhow , I was annoyed . I had just succeeded in dragging three boys through the wasteland that is Costco , successfully hunted down all the required items , hauled the lot up to the counter , only to have them snatched from my grasp by a cruel twist of fate . Or a cruel twist of Costco , I suppose . I was annoyed . Irritation like that has a way of leaking out , infecting the children of the host . Plus it was lunch time , and the boys were crushed by the loss of the 24 pack of Go - Gurt that was almost theirs . We were all irritable . We got in line at the lunch counter . I may have been annoyed at Costco , but not too annoyed to eat their cheap pizza . In front of me was a man who kept turning around and grinning at the boys . Raphael darted away from me and I called out , " Raphael , come here . Stand right here . Here . Look at me . Right here . " " I just had one . I mean my wife did . A son . November 24 . " I looked at him ; he was nodding and smiling so big I thought he 'd pull a cheek muscle . A besotted new dad . Ya gotta love that . " Well , " I advised in my best experienced mother tone , " buckle your seat belt , you 're in for an adventure . " Just then Max decided to break up the monotony of waiting in line by tackling Tre , causing the two of them to careen across the aisle . This forced a few heavily loaded carts to swerve to miss them , earning me some well deserved " control your children " glares . As I opened my mouth to order them to my side , Raphael made a break from his spot and freed the tape stretched between two poles . You know , that tape they use to give a line some definition . It was retractable , and as it zinged back into its retracted position , it startled several people waiting in line . Turned heads . Well earned glares . I sat Max down on one side of me for a time out , Raphael on the other side . Believe it or not , this particular issue of messing with the stretchy tape is one we 've discussed before . He 's been in time out in Borders , the bank , and now Costco over that very issue . He sat down with a satisfied look , as though the experience had been worth the punishment . Max , on the other hand , did not feel his time out was at all deserved , since Tre had said something to him in the car , and it was mean , and Max had just remembered it and that was why he tackled him and Tre should be the one in time out . When I failed to see his logic he resorted to wailing loudly and slumping over on the floor . Large tears and tortured tones earned me yet more looks , this time of the " what have you done to that sweet child ? " variety . I sighed ( more of a Lamaze breathing exercise , really ) and turned back , to discover New Dad still grinning like a fool . " They 're so cool , boys , aren 't they ? " he enthused . I couldn 't help but smile back . " Yes they are , " I replied , " Congratulations on your son . Good luck . " I had two sobering incidents yesterday . The first happened in the car . Now , recently whenever we 've been in the car for any length of time , Raphael and I have had the following exchange : Now , that 's not that amazing of a conversation , I 'll grant you . But it was repeated , word for word , seven trillion times . At least . If I tried changing even one word I would be corrected severely . R : Mama ? Whatcha doin ' ? And so on . Sometimes he would repeat the whole thing over and over and over and over … until I was banging my head on the steering wheel . But yesterday there we were tooling along , and Raphael pipes up from the back seat , " Mama ? Whatcha doin ' ? " I replied with pavlovian promptness , " I 'm driving , baby . What are you doing ? " But then there was silence . I glanced in the rearview mirror and he was staring pensively out the window . He seemed to be trying to remember the next line … but after a moment he shrugged and went back to telling knock - knock jokes with Max . I realized it had been a week or two since we 'd done our little shtick . And in the meantime it faded from his mind . Raphael was done with that bit of his childhood , and now it only exists as an echo in my mind . The next thing was a phrase I heard as I was attempting to serve the boys their breakfast . Raphael was newly - awake - cranky , and wanted me to pick him up . He trailed me in the kitchen , pushing on my knees and whining , " Mama , hold me up . Hold me uuuuuup " As soon as I could I picked him up and hugged him close , charmed by the wording , " hold me up . " That afternoon , Raphael woke up from his nap just as I was fixing dinner . He trotted into the kitchen and took his place at my heels , shoving at my knees in great irritation . " Mama , " he moaned , " pick me up . " The little bits of the boys ' childhoods get left behind them , scattered and forgotten except by me . And even I sometimes lose track of which bit belongs to whom . That was Max , right , who called sprinklers " splinkers ? " Tre was the one who called chocolate " chlokit ? " I 'm left with this ringing in my head , the remains of jargon I once shared with the boys . When one more piece of it moves from reality into memory , I 'm reminded that it 's true , what they say . They grow up so fast . One day soon I 'll be dredging up all these goofy memories to comfort my lonely heart . Maybe I 'll even miss the moments like yesterday , when I found Raphael scrubbing the window track with my toothbrush . I 'm sitting in a darkened house , quiet save for the rustle of the cat at her food . I 've just given a sugar - hyped Tre a sippy cup of chamomile tea to take up to his room , in the hopes he will stay in bed this time . Ribbons and toy packaging lurk in the corners of the room , promising a long day of tidying tomorrow . Christmas was wonderful this year . Truly wonderful . It was a very calm Christmas . I just let some things slide . We never got lights up outside . We used the fake tree . Things that in years past I would have struggled to get done just got left behind . I meandered through the holiday preparations , picking up activities that pleased me and letting others slip through my fingers . I had planned to bake some goodies for neighbors and friends , a small token of my affection . But December 23 I stood in my kitchen , looking at all the ingredients , and decided not to . There 's too much food everywhere right now anyway . I think I may surprise them with something on a gloomy day in late January . For now I hope they know I love them , but I 'm sure they 're more interested in their own families . As it should be . I 'm rather interested in mine . We had such a nice day . We didn 't go anywhere , and the boys were in their jammies almost all day . The big gift today was one for the whole family , a nice electronic keyboard . From the other room I really can 't tell when Raphael is testing it that he 's not banging on a real piano . Max spent much time noodling around , fascinated by the " pinano . " Tre is ready to start lessons , but was more interested in a gift he got at his other grandparent 's house yesterday , some spy gear . He got a wrist camera ( actually takes pictures ) and a spy message center thingy . I 'm not sure this is a great direction for him , because he spends enough time as it is sneaking up on people . But he 's delighted , and has taken untold numbers of pictures of unsuspecting people reading , putting on their shoes , or doing the dishes . The big hit for Raphael was a dump truck filled with those large interlocking building blocks . He has spent literally hours playing with that today . But here 's the cool thing about the gifts . We 're not done . We celebrate the full twelve days around here , so all we opened today was the large family gift and the books I bought the boys . And for the next eleven days one person will open a gift a day . The boys complained about this a bit , but they truly didn 't fight it too much . And now there 's this whole lingering celebration to come . Raphael has learned to climb out of his crib . The first time it happened I tried to convince myself it was a fluke . But he kept mysteriously appearing beside my bed in the morning . Or at the top of the stairs after his nap . I suppose I may have been in denial . I would roll over in the morning to come nose - to - nose with his shining little face and decide not to think about it . Yesterday Tre and Max were going upstairs to watch TV . It was during Raphael 's nap , so I warned them to be quiet . Halfway up the stairs I hear Tre say , " Oh . Well , hi there , Raphi . " And moments later there was my pumpkin ' bug , trotting happily into the kitchen . " Ah did it my SEWF ! " he announced with glee . I chose not to think about it . Well , this afternoon we arrived home from a hair cutting trip right at naptime . Raphael had slept for approximately 18 seconds in the car , and felt that was enough of a nap for any baby . I disagreed . I carried him up the stairs to his crib , trailing his protests all the way . " Noooo , " he wept , " ah don ' wanna go sweep . Ah wanna wake uuuuuup ! " I deposited him in his crib , kissed the top of his belligerent little head , and exited stage left . From behind his bedroom door I heard him warning me , " Ah 'm gonna talk ! " He waited a moment for my response , and getting none , proceeded to start the soliloquy that generally lulls him to sleep . " Ah 'm Shooperman . An den Ah fly ober the houses … " I heaved a sigh of relief and headed down the stairs . I had a million things to do , but instead I sat down at the table for a moment with a cup of tea . It had been quite the day already . Tre and Max were involved with a game on the computer , and for a moment I just drank in the serenity . Then I heard it . A thump above my head , and the scamper of little feet . A distinct sinking feeling in my stomach suggested this was something I had to face . I walked over to the stairs and looked up . Around the corner came an ecstatic Raphael . His face was aglow with the joy of freedom , and a celebratory ribbon of drool extended from bottom lip to stomach . Seeing me he threw up his arms , as though to hug the whole wonderful world . " Tuprise , Mama ! " Surprise , indeed . So now I have to actually accept the fact that he can get out of his crib , and deal with the consequences . Like teaching him that when I put him down for his nap he should stay there . This would probably be an easier task had I not laughed quite so hard at his shining little face today . Oh well . Max is really into drawing pictures and writing captions for them . Now , he 's just five , so his spelling is not exactly standard . For example , he signs every picture " by Tre and Max , " even though Tre has yet to ever draw a picture with him . Max just likes to include his brother . Anyhow , he spells this phrase something like " bi Tre end Max . " These pictures are a sight to behold . They usually feature a tree in the very center , with happy people with square bodies and long thin necks gathered around . In one picture he showed me and Tre on one side of the tree , smiling ecstatically . On the other side was Raphi , who was pushing over a very annoyed Max . So not only is he a prolific artist , he 's a realist . The other morning I wandered into the kitchen , where Dad was making his famous waffles for breakfast . I came upon Max , showing a newly drawn picture to Dad . " See ? " He was showing Dad the important details of the scene , " That 's me . And here it says ' Boobies ' . " Dad chuckled . " Well , it sure does ! That 's great , Max ! " I stood there , watching the two of them , trying to figure out why my son was drawing pictures of boobies , and why my father was encouraging him . Max set his picture down on the counter next to me as he walked by , and I picked it up casually . It looked pretty much like all the other pictures . There was a tree in the middle , a ripple of grass along the bottom , and three people with their arms splayed out and showing three fingers ( I don 't know why three fingers . They all have three fingers ) . I gazed at it a moment until Dad noticed me puzzling over it . " Isn 't that great ? " he enthused . I nodded , not knowing what to say , exactly . " Um … boobies ? " I finally asked . " Yeah , " he replied , " See , there are the bees . " I looked again , and sure enough there was a small cloud of specks near one of the figures . That person had his mouth open . He was clearly shouting something . Something like , " Boo ! " It didn 't say " boobies " at all . It said , " Boo , bees ! " Today was the Nativity play at church . By the way , if you 've been keeping notes , yes we left our church , and yes we 've seemed to have found a new one . It 's fabulous in many respects , but after the " breakup " I 'm not sure I 'm ready to commit . But I was ready to let the kids be in the play . Oh , so sweet . Tre was a wise man , Max was Joseph , and Raphael was a donkey . Although if you ask him , he 'll tell you he was a dog , because he 's pretty sure everyone was calling him a doggy . Tre did a stellar job , manfully striding to his appointed spots on cue , clutching his bottle of frankincense . He looked purposeful , embarrassed , and proud by turns . He didn 't even tug at his crown too much , even though it was so hot under there that his hair was damp with sweat by the time the play was over . Max was something of a somber Joseph . He was tired and wanted to go home , so he sort of stomped his way through his part . I 'm not sure why they chose him to be Joseph , since he 's a good foot shorter than Mary , but it worked out fine . I was nervous that he might decide to reprise the performance he gave at the school production last Monday . He had been on stage , right in the middle of the adorable huddle of wee preschoolers , and had decided to pull his shirt up and scratch his belly , then do a little dance with gyrating hips and waving arms . Then he went back to the belly scratch , then ( not noticing or caring that his shirt was still hiked up to his chest ) , he reached back and grabbed vigorously at his underwear , which was apparently bothering him in some way . Fortunately for the dignity of the event today , Max did none of that . Raphael was a hit in his furry little donkey costume with ears . I mean that both literally and figuratively . No one could resist his charm . However at one point when he was milling around the stable he tried to take the little sheep 's precious stuffed dog away . She wouldn 't give it to him , and he responded by hauling off and whacking her one . Then he turned and trotted back to me , announcing , " Ah don ' wanna play with the kids enny more . " But we 've survived another Christmas pageant , and tonight we finally got our tree decorated . My shopping is … almost done , and the baking is a good halfway there . I 've been fairly relaxed about this Christmas , yet I find it 's mostly coming together anyhow . Go figure . Please permit me a brief parental brag . I took Tre to the Pack meeting tonight ( in case you 're wondering , the small group of eight boys he meets with twice a month is a den . The gathering of all the dens is the Pack ) . He was very excited , because tonight they were announcing the winners of the greenery sales contest . Well , I know you 're all agog , so I won 't keep you in suspense . Tre came in fourth in sales in the whole pack . Of course , he smoked the rest of his den . Um … please re - write that last sentence for yourself to make it sound more sportsmanship - like . For his stellar showing he won a model electric plane , and a hockey puck signed by Milan Hejduk of the Colorado Avalanche . I am not proud to confess that my delight in the latter item is based mostly on the knowledge that it would reeeeeealy frost my ex 's hide if he only knew that if he were around he would have access to a hockey puck signed by Milan Hejduk . ( Insert small , evil snicker here ) However , the true joy of the evening was watching Tre . He sat on the edge of his seat when they started announcing winners , fairly trembling with anticipation . He bounced a little . And when they called his name he turned to me and smiled , then walked up there to receive his goods with such poise . He turned to come back and the delight on his face set the entire room aglow . Plus he 's the cutest wee Cub Scout ever . Just reporting the facts here . After the awards they brought in jugglers for the boys to watch . That was fine , but then they decided to break up the 100 - plus little boys into four groups , give them each three bean bags , and teach them to juggle . Oy . Hand out bean bags to hordes of hyped up little boys and say , " here , guys . Why don 't you juggle these ? " It would have been calmer inside a popcorn machine . Bean bags were flying everywhere . They were whacking into the ceiling , whizzing past ears , being shoved down shirts . Some boys took the direct approach to juggling , wherein they would choose a partner ( with or without the partner 's knowledge ) and rapid - fire the bags into his chest . That was fun . I went to the eye doc today for my three week check after the lasik . I was supposed to go Monday , without the kids , but a snowy morning scuttled those plans . So I ended up there this afternoon , with all three boys . Right at Raphael 's naptime . Now , if you 're thinking to yourself this may be a recipe for disaster , give yourself a gold star for astuteness . To make matters worse , I was ten minutes late . Now I don 't want to make excuses for myself or anything , but I would have been on time had Raphael not decided on the way out the door to … require a clean diaper . BADLY . Birds were falling out of the air . It was potent . So anyhow , I arrived with my tribe in tow . The people behind the desk were all raised eyebrows and subtle glances at the clock . Yes , I admit it , I was late . And when you 're late , you have to pay penance by waiting an extra long time for the doctor . I know it 's deserved , that people who are late screw with the Almighty Schedule , but this left me in a room roughly the size of a shoebox , completely lined with things that should not be touched . I passed out candy , I told stories about belly button snatchers , and I sang songs about ducks that go " wibble - wobble . " I did all I could to entertain the boys - by which I mean Raphael , who was in full destructo - baby mode . Finally the doctor came in , and glanced around the room with a look something akin to horror . Max crawled out from under the chair . Doc gave a somewhat forced chuckle and asked , " Well , my goodness , how many children do we have in here ? " I was holding Raphael in what I hoped appeared to be a normal way , although my true intent was pinning his arms to his side . He really wanted the doctor 's light off the desk . " Just three , " I replied cheerfully . I sat down and proceeded to be examined . One thing about an eye exam , it makes it hard to shoot death glares at misbehaving children . But the boys were behaving themselves … um … fairly well . Tre was sitting in the chair quietly , only occasionally kicking Max in the head when he bit him on the shin . Max was … well , climbing under the chair and biting his brother on the shin . Raphael unsnapped all the snaps on the legs of his overalls , and when that got boring , moved to emptying my purse . He found some feminine hygiene products , which he proceeded to unwrap . The doctor , meanwhile , was being a doctor . He pronounced my eyes wonderful , my vision better than it had been in contacts ( I could have told him that ) . He asked if I was using my artificial tears . I replied that I had a hard time remembering , because my eyes felt fine . A little dry in the morning , but that 's it . " Well , that 's fine . You 're young and moist , " he replied . Here 's my trip , the condensed version . Waaaaay too early Friday morning I dragged myself out of bed and away from my home . As Dad pulled out of the driveway I waved frantically at my boys , who were waving back from the front window . Max was sleepy and a little fuzzy on what was happening . Tre was crying , but trying not to . Raphael was still asleep . No sooner were we out of the driveway then the cell phone rang . I answered and Tre 's voice piped , " Hi , Mama ! How 's your trip ? " I laughed and talked to both of them for a few minutes . That was good . The rest of the morning passed in the usual airport blur of ticketing agents and security officers and Starbucks . I was fine . I settled in at my gate and read my book . Finally it was time to board . I found my seat , stashed my carry on luggage under the seat in front of me as instructed , and clicked my seatbelt low around my waist . And burst into tears . What was I doing ? I didn 't want to leave my boys ! I like my boys . I didn 't want to go play and go out to dinners and go to a spa . I wanted to go home . Well , I didn 't go home . I went to California . I met up with Amy and we were off for San Diego . Amy 's employers opt to take their employees on a weekend retreat of sorts in lieu of a Christmas office party . Everyone 's allowed to take a friend , and I was lucky enough to be Amy 's guest this year . Let me tell you , these people know how to treat their employees . Very nice . We stayed in the Hyatt overlooking the San Diego Bay . We ate fabulous food at gorgeous restaurants . We went to the San Diego Zoo , and got a behind - the - scenes tour . We were so close to a giraffe at one point , Amy nearly got giraffe drool on her head . It was amazing . Fabulous . I went to a spa and was scrubbed with sugar and coconut oil . Oh my . I 've never been to a spa , but that day I decided the hype was true . Spas are very good things . I dressed like a grown up , I ate meals without interruption , I had long conversations with Amy and other intelligent people . I laughed , I wore high heels until my feet screamed . And you know what ? I enjoyed myself . I may have talked about the boys a tad more than was necessary … but everyone was very kind about it . Amy works with the nicest people . And the boys would call me several times a day , which was great . I 'd be sitting in some fancy restaurant , nibbling on my appetizer , and the cell phone would ring and I 'd leap up and dash for a quiet spot like some rabid poodle . I 'd leave people hanging mid - sentence . And for a few minutes I 'd press that phone to my ear like life itself depended on the goofy conversation I was having . Max would blow me kisses and make noises into the phone , asking me to guess what they were . Tre would finish every conversation with , " Have a fun trip and a safe trip , Mama . " Raphael would babble incoherently , totally unconcerned with whether or not I was understanding him . Mom or Dad would get on the line for just a moment , to reassure me that everything was fine . Then I 'd hang up and go back to acting like an adult . I was relaxed and confident that the boys were ok , all was well and I could enjoy myself . Until it was time for the flight home . Ok , truth be told , I woke up Sunday a bit anxious . Time to pack . Time to go . Home . Boys . Now . By the time I got to the airport I could barely form sentences . I hugged Amy goodbye and I hope she knows that just because I sprinted Then , heaven help me , they delayed my flight . They pushed it back by five minutes , then ten , then twenty . By this point I was pacing and muttering . People were casually moving to stand between me and their children . It was bad . After an eternity , we boarded . Those damn flight attendants insisted upon reading about the freakin ' seat cushions and showing us those oxygen masks . I was fairly sure they could be doing something to make the plane get moving . Eventually it did move . I tried to read , but I ended up staring out the window , willing time to pass . As we approached Denver , the sparse dusting of lights on the ground below slowly morphed into the unmistakable smear of light that is a city . My city . Home . Boys . I cried again . And soon they were in my arms and all was well . They were fine . They aren 't traumatized and Mom and Dad seem to have weathered the weekend well too . All told , it went just as well as could be hoped . I 'm grateful to everyone who pulled it off . What a gift . I discovered a long time ago that writing of the small things of the day , the trivial matters of the heart , the inconsequential but near things of this living , was the only kind of creative work which I could accomplish with any sincerity or grace . - E . B . White |
When we were at Hampton Beach , Lillian packed a zip - loc bag of Cheeze - its for us to snack on . Seagulls are sneaky , dirty birds , and the moment they realized we were eating something , they started to crowd around us . I would throw things at them , like small plastic shovels and small plastic people , but they kept coming back . The boys , however , had moved on , and Lillian had needed to return to the cabin for a short errand . I found the bag of cheeze - its , and eventually placed it in Lillian 's bag , hoping the stupid birds would lose interest . As time passed , the boys started playing further and further away from where we had set up . In fact , they were moving closer and closer to where other people - many of them childless - were quietly attempting to read their books despite being hit in the head with a small inflatable ball . The trouble was , of course , that it couldn 't fly . The cheeze - its were too heavy . So I sent Nick after it . Nick ran , and the gulls scattered , and Lillian showed up just in time to see Nick hand me the zip - loc bag of crackers that nobody would eat . Every year Lillian and her sister get a house on Hampton Beach for a couple of weeks . This works out quite well for us , because Hampton is close enough for us to make a day trip , but it 's nice to be able to stay over and hang out at the beach a little longer . It 's also nice to be able to have some fun at the beach , take a shower , and then head out for an ice cream with no sand in your . . . you know . . . armpits . Heading out the the beach means different things for different people . When I was kid , it meant bringing a towel and a book . These days , I add sunscreen to that . Apparently many people feel one should also bring a chair , to sit in . And an umbrella - one lady from church was surprised when I told her it never occurred to me to even buy one . Also , many people bring coolers with snacks and drinks . I admit I 've buckled to this one , and now pack thermoses and snacks myself . On the other hand , I often leave the book at home , because I 'm too busy keeping an eye on my kids . The beach is just not as relaxing as it used to be when my goal was to get a tan . This year I 'm turning 37 . I actually have to think about it , because I have honestly lost track . I don 't feel 37 . I don 't even feel 36 . OK , some days I feel like a 48 , but those days are rare . Most days I feel like a 24 . Please don 't misunderstand . I feel like I did when I was 24 , but that doesn 't mean I think I look 24 . I look my age . The result is a confusing identity split , where I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and wonder who the heck it is . It couldn 't be ME . I 'm 24 . Maybe 25 or 28 . Now , I have laugh lines . I have those little lines in the corners of my eyes that get deeper when I smile or squint . But this . . . this was different . This was a deeper line right in between my eyebrows that didn 't go away . Not even when I raised my eyebrows . For a second I thought it might be a scar . Yes ! That 's what it was . A scar ! From the time when I was a kid and ran into that chair and had to get stitches . . . wait , that wasn 't me . That was my sister . Once , during college theatre , I was in a play which required everyone to put " old " make - up on , which basically means we had to put on wrinkles . The director told us to raise our eyebrows and then put lines on the folds in our skin . When I followed his directions I ended up with a huge pair of second eyebrows over my existing eyebrows . But this new little line made it look like I spent all of m time frowning . I ran into my own bathroom and looked in the mirror there . I could still see it , but it was much fainter . I ran back into the boys ' bedroom . The wrinkle was there . I considered the possibility that the line between my eyebrows could only be viewed in that particular mirror . It 's an odd mirror , after all . I 't part of a dresser that belonged to my grandmother . Was this some sort of curse my grand mother put on me ? She wouldn 't do that , would she ? We got the letter from the teachers in the mail , and not only is the first day of school written on the schedule ( August 31st ) but so are the visiting days . I 'm always exited about the first day of school . For two and a half hours every day I will have time to myself . Well , three hours a week , because Andy goes in three days a week . But STILL ! Just think about what can be accomplished ! Before school starts I need to go shopping for school supplies . I didn 't want to go overboard , so now I have it narrowed down to the pencils and plastic sheet protectors Nick 's teacher requested , plastic sandwich containers so I don 't have to use the disposable baggies , and new underwear . For the boys . I feel like I am starting something new , also . I hope the schedule works out so I can do some volunteer work at the school . I hope I can get a good piano schedule for Nick and Nate . I hope the kids do well in school . Posted by Anyway , kitchen cabinets are expensive , but more importantly , they are a pain to replace . So I 've been putting it off . For a number of years . When the cabinets were full , I started taping artwork onto the large , empty wall . I soon ran out of space . And some of the projects had started to fade . Yesterday , I took all the artwork down . I was thinking that the new school year was starting soon , and I would cover the walls with the most current works of art . The stuff I took down went into the recycle bin , or into a " save " pile . I 'll go through the pile later and weed it out more . My plan is to frame a few of the most colorful pictures , and to cover the wall with framed kid 's artwork . I saw this once in a couple 's home , and it was so fabulous ! The effect won 't be the same , because our ceilings are about four feet lower , but still . . . Anyway , for now , our kitchen looks so different . " It ' looks like we 're moving ! " Nick said . That , and I re - discovered the hole in the plaster in the pantry when I took down a construction paper sun . Posted by I do this facing the TV , which is odd , because the TV is off . But behind the TV is a window . And out the window was a deer . We get lots of deer here , but usually they are down by the brook . There is a ton of land , and most of the time the animals stick close to the brook , rarely venturing further than the shed . They don 't want to get too close to the houses and the street and the cars . Or the dog , really , who was stretched out on the rug , blissfully unaware of the fact that a large beast was yards from the house . ( I guess this wasn 't as threatening as the next door neighbor coming home from work , or the lady across the street getting a UPS delivery ) I tried to get a good picture , but the window was in the way . I moved to an open window , but managed to make enough noise with the camera that she heard me and ran away . But here are the best of the photos I got . Including one of her baby . Since I have taken these photos , Steve had the opportunity to have a run - in with the deer himself . Or rather , Frank had the run - in , and Steve watched . See , Frank had escaped and was wandering in the woods you can see in the photos . When Steve called Gunther in , Frank knew it was his chance to get inside for the night and made for the house . But the deer was in the way . Steve said the deer started huffing and grunting at Frank , and for a moment he thought Frank was about to be stomped . He wasn 't , but I know deer , especially mother does , can be dangerous when they feel their babies are in danger . And now I 'm afraid my cats or my dog will get stomped by a crazy parental deer . Ever since the boys learned to ride bikes , I 've been promising to take them to the paved railroad trail in our town . I ran it once last year , and it 's great to bike on . After all , it isn 't hilly , and doesn 't curve much . I had forgotten how the path drops off steeply on either side . Not the whole way , but often enough . And I also didn 't realize how neither of my kids own the ability to not head for whatever it is that will cause them the most injury . As soon as they started riding , they went over to the left side of the trail . But since there are other bokers and runners , they needed to stay to the right . " Stay to the right ! " I yell , ten yards behind them with Andy on the trike . They look over their shoulders and the bikes wobble over to the very very edge of the trail , where there is a steep thirty foot drop into rocky brambly brush . " Get away from the edge ! " I yell " Get into the middle of the trail ! " And finally " Stop ! Wait for me ! Do not move ! " The boys had a good time . They were finally able to ride somewhere other than the driveway . Nick was laughing because he pedaled so hard he was standing up ! It was great . Andy pedaled faster than he ever had in his life , and I pushed him so he could keep up - he needs a big bike . As for me , I think I lost ten years off my life from the sheer terror of watching my boys wobble and head right for the edge of the trail . They seemed completely unconcerned about the fact they they might DIE if they fell . But I guess they won 't get better unless they go back . Next spring we will put Operation Bicycle into effect . New bikes for all . Even me . At the end of the school year , when the weather finally warmed a little bit , I was really motivated to do yard work . I clipped and trimmed . I chopped down a huge bush , and used electric saw to do it ! I mulched . I must have purchased twenty five bags of mulch , and it didn 't get half of what I needed done , done . At some point , I lost interest . I put down the mulch I got , but I didn 't bother to get more , and there are still bald spots . The thorny brush in the back is so bad I can SEE in invade the grass . And the weeds are popping through the existing mulch , and the bushes I clipped now need trimming again , which makes me really angry . I could spend all day , every day , in the yard , and I still wouldn 't be able to keep up . I wish I had more time . It 's hard to know where the line is , blogging . I have hurt people 's feelings before without meaning to , because of something taken the wrong way , or because they miss the point , or because what I think of as funny they find insulting . . . Sometimes it 's hard to know where to draw the line . This can be especially true when it comes to your family . Especially kids . For example , last year I was struggling with the decision to place Nicholas in the Transition class . While I went ahead and spoke about my doubts and my fears , I did it because he was six . But when he is ten , and struggling with school , I don 't think I will be able to post as freely . At some point it becomes more about him than about me , and I no longer have the right to write about his life in such a public way . And nothing huge is going on . But as he gets older and we butt heads or he acts out , I feel less and less confident writing about it here . It isn 't fair to him for me to report to the world each time he does something I don 't like . But it 's hard , because I struggle sometimes with what to do . I can tell you this : Nick did not get his next belt in Karate this month . A few other kids did , and that upset him , especially since he 's been doing karate longer than some of the kids . He went ahead and spoke to his Kyoshi , and she said he was on the list to test in September , and told him what he should work on to do well . This has a happy ending . Or at least it will if he works at it , which is the point . I was proud of Nick for taking the initiative to ask his teacher what he needs to do to get what he wants . Knowing that he has the power to seek out information , and that he has the responsibility and ability to learn it , this will be good for his self confidence in the long run , I think . Posted by I now have TONS of zucchini recipes . THANK YOU to all who forwarded ideas ! From penne to chocolate bread , I may never make the same thing twice . Except this soup . Curried Zucchini Soup was a hit at our house . Well , not for everyone . Not for the kids . But Steve loved it ! And Nick said he liked it , even though he only ate a few bites . I don 't generally listen to the kids when planning my meals , unless they really LOVE something , because they don 't try new things half the time , and sometimes you have to serve a thing over and over and over and over before they actually give it a fair shot . Anyway , we ate this soup hot . The next day I had it chilled . It 's easy and fabulous and I recommend it to all . Ingredients1 tablespoon olive or canola oil 1 cup Oikos Organic Greek yogurtDirectionsPlace a medium size soup pot over medium low heat and when it is hot , add the oil . Add the onion , garlic , ginger and zucchini and cook until the onion is golden and the zucchini is almost tender , 10 - 15 minutes . Stir well , add the curry and rice and cook 10 minutes . Add the stock and bring to a boil . Lower the heat to low and cook , covered , until the rice is tender , about 30 minutes . Remove the solids and place in a food processor or blender . Process until completely smooth , gradually adding remaining broth , basil or cilantro and yogurt . Serve immediately , or cover and refrigerate up to three days . Serve hot or chilled . I started my own little garden in early spring . I planted four squash plants . Lucky for me , only two of them survived being transplanted . I say lucky for us , because now the plants are producing big fat zucchini . And the people in this house do not like zucchini . I manage to peel it and grate it and add it to chicken tikka . Or else I make zucchini bread , which is great , but I end up eating half of it . I found a curried zucchini soup online , which I plan to make , but Steve is already horrified . The thing is , each of these things uses a fraction of a large zucchini . So . . . ideas welcome , folks . I 'm very close to just baking zucchini bread until the zucchini is gone , and freezing the loaves . I hate freezing bread , because toasting it is a bother , but I can 't think of any other way . . . Last post I complained about summer ending , but today I 'm posting about day camp . I guess we had another couple of weeks after all . I just have to squeeze every single ounce of fun out of them that I can ! The boys are going to Gym And Swim day camp every single day this week . I shall have four hours of time to myself every morning . Time to clean the house , to shop for groceries alone , to make more zucchini bread ( which we are already tired of eating , but what else can I do with this stuff besides adding it to tikka rice ? ) I 'm pretty excited , because the boys can practice their swimming and I don 't have to go in with them . Also , they come home completely exhausted . They may meet even more of the kids they will be spending time with all year long . I can 't wait to see how they like it ! Remember when you were a kid and it stretched out into endless days where you 'd go out and roll in the grass and the hours would go by so slowly you could hardly stand it ? And then , when school finally picked up again , it would be odd and scary , because it had been such a long time . It would be like returning to a place you 'd visited long ago , but weren 't familiar with anymore . The photo has nothing to do with the text in this post . Why ? I hear you ask . Why do you do things like that ? Well , the answer is , I have some photos that I don 't need to post about , and I have a few things I might like to say that I have no photos to go with . Such as this one , about running . I have no photos pf myself running , nor do I ever ever ever need to have such a photo taken . At home , I run on a treadmill . New Hampshire mornings are cool in the summer , and dark in early fall . The street we live on has no running path or even sidewalk , and cars travel faster than they should along the curvy road . Besides that , I am supposed to be looking after the boys . If Steve is here , that 's one thing , but he isn 't always , and even if he is , he is technically working . . . Blah blah blah , I have a ton of reasons . Anyway , in France , I ran outdoors . I was nervous about this , because when we started visiting the area , no one ran at all . If you went out for a short jog , people would stare at you as if you were fleeing a crime scene . It just wasn 't done . But things change . There is a bike path along the beach - well , the beach road , which isn 't always right next to the beach , but still . And it was almost always busy . People ran , walked , rode bikes , pushed baby strollers , everything . At all times of the day , even at noon , those crazy running - at - noon in the heat folk . Running outdoors is very , very different from running on a treadmill . Obviously , you say . But what I 'm referring to is the social aspect . You pass people and you nod your head at them . You smile at the old man walking his dog , and he smiles at you as you pass him again on the way home . You laugh when the guy running in front of you reaches his target and abruptly turns around for his way back . Once a runner actually tried to High - Five me as we passed each other , but I was tired and taken by surprise , so the effect was more like he reached out and pushed me off balance . . . I 'm not really very graceful . . . I loved running outdoors so much , and I miss it . But here it is cold in the mornings , and dark . And soon there will be wet snow on the ground . And so , no outdoors for me . Treadmill . Which is much more boring . No one sees me if I slow down , but there is no fudging my time , either . I 'll just have to pretend I 'm on the beach when I 'm really in the basement . The first night of sleep is so disorienting . Both Steve and I woke in the middle of the night , thinking we were in France . It would have been better if I had remembered where I was before geting up to use the bathroom and tripping over the dog . But it 's been almost 2 weeks , and we 're way over it by now . The boys are getting to bed later and later , as am I . And I have once again started to set my alarm or I 'll sleep past my workout time in the morning . The worst part is , the mornings are getting darker and darker . And colder . Only Luna Park isn 't Luna park anymore . It 's Azur Park . And instead of being charged ten Francs per ride , which was the case in the old days , it 's now four euros . That 's four euros per person for a ride on the bumper cars , or the roller coaster , or a walk through the maze . Alternately , you could buy a park ticket , which will give you one pass for each of the rides and you 'll end up paying a lot less . But not all the rides . The rides you 'll get passes for will depend on which ticket you get . There 's the Baby Pass , which means one pass on most of the smaller rides . There 's a kid 's pass , which lets you on a few of the bigger rides , not the baby rides . There is an adult pass , for people who want the bigger roller coasters , the tilt - a - whirls , and the haunted houses . And then there is the Extreme - Crazy - Person pass , for those who like bungee jumping and being shot into outer space in a slingshot , put in a tin can and shaken , and turned upside down until every single last one of your brain cells have died . My boys loved Luna Park . But we ran into a few problems : First , Nick was old enough for a bigger kid 's pass . We purchased the baby pass for him anyway , figuring he 'd want to stick with his brothers , etc . But he still wanted to do a few of the bigger things . We 'd given him 20 euro for learning how to swim across the pool and back ( Steve 's idea of motivation - it worked ! ) and we told him he could spend it there , at the park . And he did . Nate had less cash , but also decided to spend it on extra rides . Andy cried when his brothers went into a fun house he was too small for . So I took him over to a claw game . I figured it would keep him busy , and I could spend some 20 cent bits . BIG MISTAKE . When Andy didn 't win , he cried . Then Nick came over from the fun house and started putting HIS coins into the machine , and when he didn 't win , HE cried . On a lark , I took Nate into a Haunted House . He was scared , but was OK . Andy was upset he wasn 't included , despite Steve trying to bribe him with churros . And after what seemed like forever , Nick and Nate and Steve came out of the Haunted House . And both boys , Nick and Nate , burst into tears . " It was So Scary ! " Nate cried ! Apparently it was so awful , so dark , and Steve had no choice but to keep pushing the boys through because there were people behind them . The boys were traumatized . I couldn 't help but laugh , which I suppose was kind of mean for me . After that we put them on the trampolines , and then we went home . Next time we might buy one ticket up , but we 'll be skipping the haunted house . I tried to count how many times we ate out . It 's vacation , so I suppose it 's expected . I definitely liked it , because I didn 't have to cook , the food was usually better than what I made , and I didn 't have to clean up . But eating at a restaurant in France is not like eating out in New Hampshire . It takes longer - at least an hour . They don 't turn over tables - rarely do they want to rush you out to seat the next party . Instead , you have to flag someone down to give you the check . The boys had a lot of pizza , and a lot of Steak Hachee . Hey ! Look ! It 's me ! I realized some time ago , as I sifted through my online photographs , that I don 't have very many pictures of myself . The Faces app on my computer has more images of Puck than it does of me . So when Steve offered to take a picture of us in St . Tropez , I said yes . There is this place where you can buy an ice cream cone in the shape of a flower . We go at least once a visit . Or twice , or three times . Just hangin . . . with my cone . . . When I was a kid , one of the things we did on vacation was visit the ruins of this old castle in Grimaud . The trick was , it was high o the hill . They liked to build them up on hills , you see , because it was safer and harder to get to . Especially with a picnic basket . Once there , we were free to climb through the ruins and sift through the rubble . We found shards of old pottery and would venture out onto precarious ledges . We rarely ran into anyone else . Sometime between the time I became an adolescent and spent my summers elsewhere , and the time I married and started returning every couple of years , someone decided to restore the castle . One day we returned and they had rebuilt a few walls . Parking areas now had stairs conveniently leading to and from the castle . And you couldn 't turn around without bumping into a cluster of German tourists snapping photographs . This year , I made it an early expedition . First off , the boys can fall walking on a flat surface , and the were rushing up and down the steep steps , millimeters from steep drops into rocky brush and bracken . It freaked us out . The boys seemed to like the castle OK , but they weren 't terribly enthusiastic . Nate asked if King Louie had lived there , and I immediately made a mental note to plan a boy - trip to Versailles . Is that bad ? I mean , I figure I should jump on these interests while they have them . Every year I tell myself that THIS is the year my kids will learn to swim . I have been telling myself this for the past four years . I was one of those babies who was thrown into the water and would bob about happily . I don 't remember not knowing how to swim . So I 'm have never been sure how to teach my kids how to swim . They looked kind of funny , because they are still terrified of getting their faces wet . Well , Nick is . Nate is just terrified of breathing in water because he refuses to hold his breath . Regardless , both boys made it the length of the pool and back with no floaties . Each trip to France is a little bit different . Most things stay the same . The beach is still there . That restaurant by the beach is still there . The castle in the hills is still there . But the quality of each trip differs with the company . In other words , each vacation changes depending on who else is there when we are . And these changes aren 't black and white , or good and bad . It 's just that I can see things in a new way when I am with people seeing them for the first time . Some vacations include a lot of sightseeing and driving distances , and other include massages . This year we arrived to an empty house , and my parents arrived a few days later with some friends of theirs we had never met . Lucky for us this couple was tolerant of children , and the boys took to them . A few days after that Winston and Meg showed up , and the day Meg left Winston 's girlfriend arrived . My parents left , then Winston and Giulia left , and we spent the last few days with the house to ourselves once more . Being in the house alone is so strange . I suppose I am just so used to having it overrun with people , everyone buzzing about with their different schedules . It was calm and quiet , and we didn 't have to worry as much about waking people up in the morning . One more strange things was the weather . While folks in the US were sweltering in over 100 degree heat ( East Coast ! ) France was cooler . It was windy and almost chilly . It rained all day three times . The driveway became muddy . The boys couldn 't play outdoors . In all the years that we came there all summer , every summer ( for about seven years ) it didn 't rain as much as it did the three weeks of our vacation . Even that time with the horse and the lightingwhen we took shelter in the barn and even the frogs were hopping in to seek shelter . Also , the wind drove me crazy . For two weeks it blew and blew and blew and it drove me crazy . It made it seem like trips to the beach were impossible , cooling the air and the water and blowing hats off heads and ruffling the pages of whatever book I had in my hand and was trying to read . But it was still lovely . I find I sank into a rhythm of sleeping , waking , running , and eating . I didn 't feel pressured to be on time for anything , except for the occasional trip to the store before lunch hour . And although I am glad to be back home and get back into a routine , especially after the traumatic time we had on our return trip , I already miss the warm sun and the slower pace of life . Also , I went running on my street yesterday morning and it was so cold I could see my breath ! my BREATH ! In AUGUST ! Posted by While we were in France , my Aunt Betty passed away . She had been ill , and confined to bed for a long while . Betty was my mother 's last surviving sibling . When I was young she lived in Mobile , Alabama , but after heart surgery she moved to Franklin , Tennessee to be with my Aunt Frances and Mary Clare . Betty outlived both of them . Aunt Betty was a strong personality . I remember her visiting Paris with me ( and others , of course ) and whispering to me that we should find a way to cut the long line to get into the Louvre . Betty was stubborn . During one visit Frances drove us to an outdoor picnic her friends were having , and Betty didn 't want to be there . " I 'll wait in the car , " she said . And she sat in the car , in 90 degree heat , rather than get out and say hello to a few people . But she loved me , and she loved my boys . When we visited , she would sit with them and hold them and watch TV with them . She let them help her make a lemon pie , which , by the way , was made with lemons from her lemon tree , and which always came out too runny . Betty talked a lot about her days as a nurse . She showed me the quilts she made and the ones she hadn 't yet finished . She loved working in her garden , which always seemed to be a tangle of green things but she seemed to know what she wanted done , and woe to anyone who tried to " help " by so much as mowing her lawn . But what did it matter ? It was her garden , and she loved spending her time there . Her bedroom was jam packed with furniture , dressers and and armchair and nightstands . It had too many plants . She used to climb into her bed - one that seemed too short for a regular person - and watch " The Shawshank Redemption " again and again . She also really liked " Baby 's Day Out . " I am not sure why . It 's really hard for me to realize that she is gone . The force of her personality was so strong , it 's hard for me to believe it doesn 't exist anymore . It 's like I am living in a double world . In one , I can see her bedroom - quilts on the bed , clothes on the chair , plants in the window . In the other , I know Kathleen This morning we got back from vacation . The things is , we were supposed to get back from vacation YESTERDAY . I was supposed to have had diner last night in my own home , slept in my own bed , and woken up way too early . I would have gone for a run , and then I would have typed up a couple of really good and meaningful posts about a few things that took place while we were gone . But no , we flew Delta . Which means that , although our initial flight from Nice got into JFK without a hitch at a little past 1pm , and we rushed to get through immigration and to get our bags and to get through customs so we could recheck our bags for Boston , our 4PM flight had already been cancelled . Apparently , they are clairvoyant at Delta and just KNEW there would be storms 4 hours in advance . We were then rescheduled to the 9PM flight , which ment we had 7 hours of waiting to do . With our kids . Who had just gotten off an 8 and a half hour flight , and whose little body clocks were running 6 hours ahead . It was fun . At 9 : 25 the 9PM flight borded . We then circled the tarmac until 11 : 30 . The crew of the plane were very curt , snapped at the passengers who asked that they didn 't know anything and that the flight deck wasn 't communicating , and then at 11 : 30 the pilot said the FDA only lets crew members fly for 14 hours at a time , and it had already been 14 hours , so the poor crew members had to be let off duty , and the plane had to return to the gate , and we had to get off and reschedule a flight for the next morning . ( in a car , we would have been halfway to Boston by that time . ) As one young lady on the flight put it , obviously this wasn 't the case . The crew members hadn 't been flying at all , they had been circling the tarmac like the rest of us , wasting hours of our lives . BTW - we had been travelling for 24 hours at this point , so although I sympathize with overworked crew members theoretically , I didn 't really give a flying fig about these particularly bouffantly coiffed fake blondes . The Delta lady seemed sympathetic . She handed over some vouchersKathleen I live in New Hampshire . I am a mom to three boys , a dog , and two cats . I think life is mostly funny . I love to write . I love to sleep . I love to run . I love cleaning and disinfecting in one simple step . I also really like pie , chocolate , and cookies , and anything made with both condensed milk and butter . |
Slowly we 're approaching 2011 . Today we slept in , that means , the girls and I . Their autistic brother went with his dad to the hospital to get some bloodworks done . Last week I went with him to a , for him , new doctor of internal meds to get some things seen into . I 'm curious what all the examinations will show . I 've been asking for this for many years and each and every psychiatrist thought it unnecessary , until the new one who agreed with me the very first meeting . It 's great to communicate with someone who is less ego and more directed to the patiënt . My sons meds will be reviewed after the data are in , and we 're all happy with that . I 'm glad my son doesn 't mind to have his bloodworks done . No phantasies about needles finding their way in the body . LOL ! By the time they came back we were walking around and talking girly things . Maybe we should take a whole day like that and put green and brown masks on each other 's faces . I 'm dealing with the new / old diabetes meds myself as expected . I 've got the same headache as in the past , the same other side effects . I can deal with them . During the day I measured my bloodglucose and even the results were as I expected . I 'm glad I feel so much better than last week and my lungs are so much friendlier . I can breathe fully again . In the evening my second son came for a short visit to tell about photographing a wedding anniversary . Boy , he looked nice in his white shirt with black sweater . Handsome guy ! ! ! We 've been making a few plans for the change of years . All will be either at home or visiting just before midnight , so we 'll be all together . To me it says something that my sons seek home at events like that . It was time to order a new set of meds , so I mailed my doctor for prescriptions . To my surprise I got a call . In the past I tried quite some meds against diabetes and ended with Avandamet . It was the only medication that didn 't give me a continous headache , nausea , dizziness and other unwanted problems . In fact I experienced no problems using it . Research however has shown that heartproblems and oedema can cause tremendous problems and the European union pulled the stuff from the market . Thank you ! I 'm quite capable to make my own decisions and i think it 's up to make to take a risk . It 's about quality of life , and I 'd rather have a better quality of life at the cost of a few years . So tomorrow I 'll start again with the old meds , which were not sufficient to control the diabetes in the past . Combining it with insulin or using insulin only is not a real option as I have a metabolic disease which make insulin a greater risk than avandamet is . I have the opportunity to monitor my own glucose levels , so I know what 's going on . I also know I 'll have the runs all the time , which is a wellknown side effect , so I need a box of " runstoppers " in my bag wherever I go . I also need to be far more careful with planning my meals . So that flexibility is lost too . And I need to level and spread my energy far more . It was not without a good reason that we changed medication in the past , so I feel I 'm back again to a situation that was unwanted . Grrrrrrrrrrrr Isn 't it great to wake up in a white world again ? Today we went to the oldest son for dinner . The girls went early because they wanted to assist him . Because of my lungproblems it was decided to ask a friend to drive us , and he gladly did . Otherwise we would have to walk about 30 minutes , then wait for the bus and even be uncertain about being able to go back . By car it 's not even 15 minutes from door to door . I really enjoyed the snow everywhere . All trees and shrubs carry a hat of about 40 cm of snow . We had a gourmet dinner . It was delicious . A few boys took it upon them to bake the meat and they did very well . I felt so proud to sit between these young people who really enjoyed it to make others happy . After that we enjoyed opening our presents . It had been a huge toodoo to get something nice for everyone , because of the snow . But everyone was content . I didn 't expect much and that turned out to be OK , because I got an alarmclock ( without radio . . . . ) and a small statue that was a perfect copy of one that 's already sitting on a shelf in the livingroom , for everyone to see . It 's this one : Sorry for the bad quality of the merged picture . The statue is a few cm 's high , from the series Kabouke . It comes with a box . Inside the box the statue is kept in a cotton bag , under foam . There 's also a leaflet in it with information about the collection . It 's a collector 's item . I 'm willing to sell it to the highest bidder , and the money will be used for autism . Last night it snowed another 15 cm 's and it looks like it 's going to snow again within an hour . Never ever have we had so much snow . In part of the country people just can 't travel . It 's a problem to leave the neighbourhood here , so getting the groceries in is no fun at all . Because my lungs are still not OK , I try to keep quiet . Yesterday set me back a great lot . But I got the presents in . Just a few moments ago the father of the children discovered it 's the 24th not the 25th . He thought he had still a complete day to get all his things done . Haha ! Without much words he rushed off . One of the girls said Santa asked her to ask me what I would like to have for christmas . We both sat down and went to : www . personalcreations . com . We saw a lovely canvas with 6 stockings . One can order names on those stockings . And I also saw very nice pendants with a family on it . I would love to have one with only a mother and two children . I would engrave the names of my diseased children at the back . Surfing through the site we found out that a whole section offers presents for whole families . Oh , do I love that train music box ! I 'm now off to make the house smell after cinnamon . I just put some cinnamon sticks in water and bring it to the boil and the vapours go through the whole house . Merry Christmas ! ! Today I finally went with my autistic son to the doc of internal medicine . After doctors telling me for so many years there 's no problem and when he got obese that the problem would solve itself , we had a psychiatrist who said he would refer us . He never did . We remembered him a lot of time about his promiss to realise a referral , and over and over again he said he would , but he never did . Then my son was old enough to leave there and care was transferred to another psychiatrist . I asked him to arrange a referral , and he immediately did . We talked about the issue and I said I also wanted a scan of my son 't brains , to exclude or signal any problems in the pituitary and / or hypothalamic area . Today we had to struggle our way through the snow . It felt like being on a polar expedition . We were so happy to arrive at the busstation . The roads were white and dangerous , so it took half an hour longer to reach our destination . My son was lucky to get such nice doctors . He got a very thorough examination , they took their time to make a good anamnesis , and they even took the time for a case conference before they sat down and unfolded their plans . Bloodwork , mainly to exclude some rare but serious diseases . Next week a test to establish or exclude Cushing disease . An MRI to establish or to exclude pituitary and / or hypothalamic problems . Under normal circumstances the doc did that last , but in this case she wants it done asapAfter that a meeting to see what is found . Finally something contructive is done ! ! Finally ! ! Outside the hospital it was very cold and we waited 40 minutes for a bus that never arrived , then we took another one to town and got a good bus home . Trains had come to a stop . When I came home I was completely exhausted . Next monday my own doc is working again and I 'll be his first patient . I can hardly keep those lungproblems under control at the moment . Waiting for such a long time in the cold was not good . Today we went to hospital because both my autistic son and I needed an x - ray . We had to walk through the neighbourhood , because of the enormous amount of snow . When we arrived at the main road I was surprised it was in such a bad state . Still snow on it . When we arrived at the hospital we found the same situation . Amazing ! We had to wait a little bit , but that didn 't matter . At a certain moment I turned my head and saw two of our best friends walk in . So we had a good time talking and now and then someone was called in for photos . People were often called back , but they kept my son in his little room . Maybe it took him too much time to dress and undress . I had to come back twice ! When my friend was supposed to go in the equipment broke down . My autistic son went with his father to town to get his new ID and I stayed there . The repairman arrived soon after that and then it was my friend 's turn to get her x - rays . When we came outside it was snowing again . But I was lucky to be invited to go home with them . . by car . What a luxury ! ! I worked very hard to get it all arranged well , but instead of having too many santas , which happened in the past , I have now a shortage of secret santas . Families with autism live a difficult life . Each day is a challendge . Each time they have to deal with school or caretakers , or therapists , they have to stand up to get the best there is . The brothers and sisters of a child with autism are part - time caretakers too . Not many people realise how much experience they gain from dealing with autism . They really deserve something extras . In the past 25 years I 've been dealing with autism I 've seen many families struggling with additional costs . My son , for instance , used his chair very intensive . At the height of his restlessness he needed two chairs a month . I became so experienced in repairing wooden chairs , you don 't want to know . Noe he 's got a very good chair from an office . They threw it away because they wanted the most modern look . And they gladly donated it to him . Pity the other chairs were already gone to the waste installation . Additional costs are ofcourse for therapy , extra support but also for eating habits . Because of the hypersensitivity some children won 't eat food with rough texture , or anything salty . Or they eat the same food for many many months , because it gived them a feeling of safety . And because these children and youngsters have a limited area of interests extra costs are always present . Take for instance an autistic child who uses a certain game at the computer . He will get better and better and eventually the cheap games are too easy . Or he needs a paid subscription . With moms all over the world we have talked about this subject very often . Especially when the children are young a mom wants to give full attention and because she rather prevents a meltdown than allow it to develop into a real problem , she often has to leave chores , with sometimes devastating results . One of the moms was putting the laundry in the machine while she was preparing to leave to do some groceries . Her son was putting on his coatShare : Read More My autistic son had an appointemtn this morning with the dentist . He wasn 't looking forward to it and he was tryng to get the appointment cancelled . I told him that the costs are now insured and not anymore after january 1 and so I wanted him to pay the costs himself when he missed this appointment . He didn 't say much , but yesterday evening he asked who was coming with him . His father couldn 't go to work because of the trafficproblems and he said he 'd go with him . This morning I expected the usual todoo when he has to leave , but I think he was distracted by the snow , because they went without too much fuzz . An hour later they came home . Everything went well . All he had was a stiff jaw and the orders not to eat for an hour . He asked if he was allowed a cola and as a joke I told him that he couldn 't drink a cola for a year . I 'm not at all in favor of giving sweets or softdrinks as a compliment . He took some water and sat down , talking about what had happened . It sure had made an impression because he told the same facts over and over again . Later in the day he started to doubt my statement about cola and he decided it had been a good joke . I 'm glad he shows signs of growing up and independence . Wouldn 't it be great whe he was less of a problem for himself ? Thanks for asking how my lungs are doing . I 'm not feeling well at all , and the meds can barely deal with the problems . I can 't lay down , because I can 't breathe and it takes an hour or even more to get on top of the shortness of breath . Let 's say I found out that one can spend a night at CityVille , one of the games on facebook , in the best position to breathe . My doc is on vacation . I tried to call him at his own home , for once in a lifetime relying on our friendship , but he wasn 't there . There 's so much snow here that it 's almost impossible to go to another doctor . And I 'm not ill enough to make other people risk their lives to come and get me . When it 's necessary , that 's something else . Here we 've got about 30 cm snow . All bushes and trees are covered with a huge load . Like they 're having hats on . Right now it 's snowing so much that the 10 cm snow the girls pushed from the gardenpath and the pavement is completely back again . I love it ! Last night the sky and the world looked a soft pink . It was so beautiful that I dressed myself well and stood in the garden to look at it for a while . I can 't wait to feel a bit better again to walk through the snow . The crushing sound is so special , and the world looks so peaceful . Ofcoruse I feel sorry for those who have to use their car and get stuck in endless trafficjams , for those who need to go by train and just can 't . For those who have to rely on the busses , as they didn 't drive any today . It 's so beautiful ! ! I want to enjoy the feeling and the look as long as I can . 1 . How 's it gonna be in 2011 for you ? After this year and what people did to us , I hope next year will be a lot , a huge lot better . I guess we 'll start the new year with lots of stress until we 're finally set free of all ill people . We have to leave it behind us , otherwise itwill be the main rtraumatic event of our lives . And I personally think that nothing , no thing should exceed the pain and grief caused by the death of my babies . I hope that soon we 'll feel free again and can work on leaving this in the past and leave the bad karma to those who have caused this all . I hope we 'll be able to realise a few dreams . 2 . What is your idea of a perfect romantic evening ? Right now I 'm not feeling to have one . I 'm OK with feeling perfectly relaxed together . Maybe looking out of the window of my own cottage . 3 . What strategy would you implement to deal with drug abuse in today 's world ? Make young people feel they 're worth to care for themselves . Now they 're regarded as food for the labourmarket and nothing more . They way society talks about young people , like they 're a criminal burden . . . it 's sick . I 've never used drugs because I knew I had some nice talents and I wanted to develop them . There was no place for drugs in my life . People who dealt with me cared for me as a person . When we are able to give the youth the feeling of freedom , of being talented and of an open future , I think that influences the drugworld in a positive way . 4 . What thing about your family are you least proud of ? That they rather have their dad repair their bicycles than they themselves . 5 . What part of the holidays are you really looking forward to ? I don 't like the holidays . It 's the only time of the year I miss those who died so terribly that I have to push myself to cheer up . But maybe second christmasday is fun , as we are invited to have dinner at our eldest . 6 . Who is the last person you high - fived ? Why ? One of my daughters when she heard she was going to Istanbul with the student exchange of school . ( It was right before we herad the costs of sending two girls . ) Share : Read More Asthma has been part of my life a long time . It doesn 't dictate me and I want it to stay it that way . But last night I had a severe asthma / bronchitis attack , which lasted all night and morning . Each day I take my meds at the same time . It 's such a daily routine that I do it without thinking . Most of the time taking these meds is enough to prevent problems , but I guess the cold and damp got to me . And going by bus , with all the germs , doesn 't help either . Anyway . I couldn 't sleep and sat up coughing all night , and in the morning I even considered to call the doc . But it was snowing so much that I didn 't want him to take the risk to come and I didn 't want to go . Knowing the hospital protocol I took the additional meds and when that was enough I took more . Ofcourse I wrote down what I took , in case I needed to go to hospital anyway . Then suddenly I was able to breathe more . . . . good . Soon after the kids came down . Their vacation started today and they slept in . All what 's left is a headache . Which doesn 't really bother me . Again I feel very lucky . Today we had to go to the balletperformance of one of the girls . By the time I went upstairs to change the rain was falling not by bucket , but with wagonloads . I just had a very short shower and jumped in my clothes , so I was downstairs 15 minutes later and by then it was snowing . I could hardy see the houses at the opposite side of the road . Walking to the busstation was kind of tricky , as it wasn 't freezing enough to make the snow . I took my walking stick with me without any feeling of shame or regret , because it saved my life three times . In the centre of town the weather was as badm , but the pavements close beside the buildings were not slippery . We arrived just in time . The performance was great and it was nice to see familiar faces . Going home was as much a challenge as going to town , but we managed it without broken bones . Tomorrow we need to go to hospital for a check up . Let 's see what kind of weather it is at that time . Today I woke up with the same flu that has reigned in our house for a few weeks now . I had to do quite a lot though and there was no way to escape from it all . My autistic son had an appointment with the dentist this afternoon . His last chance to get problems solved before the insurance stops . He skipped his last appointment , so I was quite hesitant to believe he would go today . I tried to create a relaxed feel as possible and even engaged in discussing dog dna testing , a subject he considered interesting . Then suddenly I got a call from my second son telling me that I had mail . He said he discussed with his brother that he could go with him to the dentist and when I was OK with that he would come over . And so he did . He 's been afraid for the detist for a while , but went and was glad he did . A perfect role model , and at the age of my autistic son a peer role model works far better than mom . And so they went . After a while they came back . I heard them talking and laughing in the garden before they came in . At monday morning some repair is needed . But I get the idea it won 't be a real problem . Some children need a firm attitude and when they won 't get it at home , they 'll go and find it . One of the children of a friend is a very persistant little lady . She has her ways to get the enormous amount of attention she claims . In the past no normal conversation with her mother was possible , because no limits were set . I quietly started to set those limits myself , using very little steps so the mother wouldn 't feel offended . I saw the girls reacted . First by claiming her mother and kissing her a lot . But even though it was clear she belonged to her mother , that didn 't make her part of the conversation for me . Unconsciously her mother reacted too . Her bodylanguage was a bit less inviting , and when she started to enjoy the conversation a bit more , she started to keep her daughter a bit away from her . The girl was allowed to sit on the couch , but not on her lap anymore . Soon after that she began to offer her child the opportunity to play with toys she couldn 't otherwise play with . I cab give plenty of other examples of how the little child 's behaviour was molded into more acceptable behaviour . Yesterday I had to babysit her and her siblings . When I came in she fell into her usual behavior , but I told her that she woukd get attention too when I was ready with re brother . She looked amazed , but kept quiet nevertheless . When I brought her upstairs she told me she was happy I was there , because she felt so much calmer inside . What a great way to decribe her feelings . After building the extension to the school it was time to allow an interior designer to make it into a good place to be . Part of the extension is a waitingroom for parents and it needed a few modern coffee tables . A few years ago I was in the building board of a new school and we discussed not only the outer architecture , but also the inner design of the school . It was one of the most interesting events in my life . Not only because we worked together with rthe most famous architects and interior designers , but also because it made me aware of so very many things , including student safety . The interior designer wanted an open staircase and balcony because it would sdo so much justice to the spaciousness of the building , but in one single moment I saw a student drop down over the railing . Now this other school needed coffee tables and lamps . So when I went there I was very curious . It 's wonderful ! ! The tables are modern . They fit in every interior , ranging from classical to minimalistic , but the way chairs and lamps are used to make it a good place to be is amazing . Handblown lamps , like they 're woven from glass , in a straight line above the tables . A reading corner and a brochure stand on the tables . It 's amazing . And it makes one thing very clear : even with basic furniture a cosy place can be created everywhere . You won 't belief it , but I nearly smashed my telephone last night . Because I expected a phone call from abroad I took my phone with me to bed . No problem , I always wake up at the first sound . Too many nightshifts in the past . As always I tried to get in bed as quickly as possible . It 's such a loss of time to linger on . So instead of walking beside the bed and putting the phone kindly on the small table I just threw it on the bed from a distance . . . I thought . Instead it hit the corner of the table . The back flew away and so did the battery . Me oh my , I was so happy it was not an iphone , but just a cheap phone . As technical as I am I took the pieces and started puzzling until it was assembled again . Nothing was broken . I had to ask someone to fix the time and date . But that was no problem . Next time I will be more careful . Promise . One of the friends of one of my sons works at a shop where they sell games , ipods , cameras , cd 's etc etc . He loves his job and he often has interesting stories to tell about what happened during a day . Yesterday he suddenly walked in here after closingtime and he clearly was in a bad mood . I asked him why and he told me that some ipods were stolen . When they realised it they went to look at the tapes of the surveillance cameras , but they couldn 't see anyone stealing them , except an older woman putting her bag nearby . But the stealing act wasn 't put on camera . Now many people are shopping for christmaspresents it 's not good not to have any ipods available . The deliveries to the shops are irregular due to the bad weather . He didn 't know what to do . I said I 's probably order some ipods from internet and put them under glass and tell people they can be ordered . He thought that was a good idea . We designed a nice gift card , so they can be given as presents and taken to the shop after christmas to collect the ipod . Never seen such a happy guy ! Problem solved . One of the girls need to follow people at their jobs . I was one of the people to follow . Not as a normal mom , but as a journalist . In the past I 've worked at a magazine . I worked my way up from typist to writing journalist to headeditor . So I know the ins and outs . I also worked for a paper . So it 's fun to teach her what needs to be done to get news and information on the doormat . She was kind of amazed to discover that while waiting for some real news to pop - up , all sorts of other jobs need to be done . Like collecting information for a main article for the weekend edition , going to meetings , calling people to ask if they can deliver information for next week tuesday and analising data that have been gathered by others . Each journalists has his or her own methods , but some standards are used , especially when health information needs to be put in an article . The law here states that those without a medical degree are not allowed to hand out medical information . So either a doctor cosigns the article or reviews are used . One of the subjects that landed on the table today were colon cleanse reviews . Using the main conclusions together with the experiences of others , gathered in interviews , resulted in a nice article . One of the girls needs to go with three people to see what they do at their job . I know others schools have included this subject in their curriculum too , but they give the children a list to make a choice . Here they have to organise it themselves . Because my daughter wants to go to work that really interests her it took her a while to find people who are able to take her with them , but she managed to get her list filled and signed . 1 . a journalist . How to find news and write an article2 . an ICT technician . He 's arranged quite a few interesting trips to fix computers and the second part of the day she will get some education in how to design sites . 3 . a group leader at a house for kids with special needs . A great list ! 1 . Has anyone asked you to believe in something that called for a huge leap of faith on your part ? Oh yes . It 's the main issue here in our lives this year . I don 't want to talk about it on the blog , but it 's in the book I 'm writing . I 've learned a lot from it . Certainly to trust my own instincts . I 've also seen how people can intrude in the lives of others and break up whole families . The person I 'm talking about is mentioned by name on internet , so I know she has done what she did to us before to other families . I can 't belief that her superiors are not aware of what 's going on , because this woman has a serious psychiatric problem and she 's pure danger to nice and loving families . I guess she 's yealous of other women who can cope with more children at once , yealous of loving families or something like that . I hope it 's something in that area , because that means she can be helped . 2 . When is the last time you moved ? Why did you move ? That 's about 25 years ago , when we needed a house with garden to raise our children . An old willow stood in the garden and it was special to me and my familie . I alwyas said that when it would be gone we 'd move . Last summer it died . . . so it 's time to move on . 3 . Malls ? . . or one Internet ? Are you doing more online shopping this year ? The polls say we are , but I 'm curious about what the real people are doing . Real life shopping is more fun . But I have ordered some small things , like rings and bracelets , on internet . 4 . Do you remember the first meme you participated in and if so , what was it ? That was . . . eh . . . a friday meme , where questions were served like a dinner . 5 . If you could invent something , what would it be ? Haha . . . I won 't tell , because you would invent it too . LOL ! 6 . Are you finished with your shopping ? Do you still a few things to go ? What ? Not even a game plan ? . . . or is there just one person you 're having trouble finding something for ? Noop , I 'm not finished . 7 . What 's left to do at your place ( or where you are going ) ? Is the tree up ? . . . or maybe you 're just happy you found the Christmas coffee mShare : Read More One of my daughters wanted shoes that were far too expensive for us . She agreed calmly that she had to wait and maybe even had to save some money . Each time she went with us to the shoppingcentre she quickly paid a visit to the shop and came back without saying anything . Until yesterday . With a big smile she invited us to come with her and she showed the shoes she wanted and the discount . Within minutes a nice boy joined us and when she asked him for her size he almost jumped away to get the box with the shoes she 's fancied for such a long time . He was clearly happy for her that they were the right size and when we were paying we talked a bit and he said that she had been so very persistent to look every week for a discount that he kept a pair aside for her so she wouldn 't miss them . Isn 't that sweet ? I 've forgiven him that he tried to sell us socks . Long socks , sneeker socks , extra warm socks , gentlemen 's socks . LOL ! I value the fact that he didn 't try to sell her the shoes before they were prized down . She told me he has been very patient with her every time she asked if they would be in the sales of the next week . Often he would look it up , just because she was so eager to know . No . . . I don 't think we can expect any romance . But he 's won a warm place in my heart for caring so much that he had a box with her much desired shoes set apart . This morning the phone rang and a friend asked me to come over for coffee . No problem . . . I thought . But when I walked to her house I had to cross the playground and that took ages because of the ice . It was not made for the kids to have fun , but it was the consequence of a week full of snow and temperatures below zero . Last night it rained a lot and the parts of the pavements that were clean before got a good clean of the salt and that was it . They were not icy at all . But that part of the playground was clearly neglected . I almost fell a few times before I reached the place where I could hold on to the fence around a house . Someone just left there and she didn 't blink an eye when she saw me trying to move . " It 's slippery , isn 't it ? " , she said . Before I had time to zip my mouth I said : " Yes , when people won 't take responsibility and use a bit of salt it 's slippery , indeed . " I guess she just didn 't understand me , because she said her goodbyes very friendly . When I finally arrived at the house of my friend , it felt strange to walk again at a normal and clean pavement . The coffee tasted delicious . On my way back she walked with me . She had to go that way anyway . And because she had shoes with anti slip - soles she could give me an arm without slipping herself . I felt like an old granny and for a moment I could imagine myself being old and wrinkled , trembling at the arm of my daughter . Oh my dear ! ! ! What winter does to you ! I thought I 'd escaoed the dance , but no . Last week I had a serious asthma attack that made me call the doc and ask for a nebulator instead of an inhaler . I was lucky to have someone around to fetch it from the pharmacy . I 'm not a kind of panick person , so all the way I stayed calm , and afterwards it turned out that not even all those who were at home realised that I was in real problems . Good . No need to be busy with the emotions of others at a time like that . The cold and damp weather hasn 't helped , nor has the dry air inside the houses . I try to control the climate in my house as much as possible , but the past time I 've had so many appointments . . . and I can 't tell others what to do in their offices and homes . Well , all I can do now is use my meds , keep calm and hope it won 't develop into someone worse . Snow , mist and ice defined the morning . I was amazed one of the boys came home so early , but he 'd been to the dentist and didn 't want to go home . At the end of the afternoon we prepared to go to the school of the girls . After a quick dinner we dressed very warm and went to the trainstation with small steps over the shiny pavement . Me oh my , it was slippery ! We managed to get the bus in time , which was a real wonder . . . and some patience of the driver . . : ) At the main trainstation the father of the children joined us . We were just in time at school . But I have to say that many people came in after us . The girls were nervous . But they were quite happy when they hear to which countries they were going . One of the girls goes to Turkey ( I 'll contact some of you as you live in the town she ; s going to . ) The other one to the south of Spain . ( Who lives there ? NNE of Cordoba , north of Granada ) Most students were very happy with the place they 're going to . We were glad to be able to go home . . . meaning more than two hours of shivering in the cold and slippery sliding , hoping to arrive there without broken bones . But . . . . one of the boys could use the car of friends and we were home within 15 minutes . At home we had long talks about the exchange , full of plans and joy . A long look into the future . We still had few traintickets for a full day with the last date of today . So yesterday I went with a couple of the kids to travel around . We first went to the north of the country and had plans to go to Amsterdam afterwards to do some shopping , visit our favorite artshop , and have something to eat . When we were nearly at the place were we wanted to go : Sneek , it started to snow and by the time we arrived there it was a full snowstorm . We had seen there was a shoppingcentre near the trainstation , so we went there . 4 shops and lots of cars . With chocolate biscuits we left and decided to go back to the trainstation . The storm was fierce and lots of snow came down . At the next trainstation it was terribly cold and we caught a train heading south . In there we discussed what to do and we all decided for Utrecht . Having a nice time together in the train we suddenly got silent . The train stopped somewhere in no where land . After a while we were told we would go back to one of the main trainstations because Utrecht couldn 't be reached . Trains were either defect or the relais were frozen . For a while it was unclear of we could reach Utrecht . One way or another we had to go there to be able to go home . The free coffee was crap . In a loaded train we hadded to Utrecht . I was the only one of our group to be able to sit . . . the chair was broken , but I was able to sit a bit anywhere . In Utrecht it was impossible to establish if we could travel home . So we went to eat something first . When we came back it was still unknown . After a long time waiting in the could we managed to get on a train and after arriving in town and catching another one we were finally at home . In the meantime it had been snowing all the time . 1 . Do you have any habits or rituals at this time of year ? Well , we 're on the evening of our december presents event : Sinterklaas . We cling to that old tradition a lot . After that , we start decorating for christmas . 2 . Polar bears seem to do well in the snow . . . How about you ? Is snow just another thing you deal with when it shows up , or is it shutdown time ? . . . and if you 're posting from a non - snowy locale , do you make trips to actually see snow ? It 's okay to admit it . . . I love snow . . . a lot ! ! And I always try to enjoy it as much as possible . You 'll read more about that tomorrow . This year we 've had a very early winter , and today I was in the middle of a snowstorm and enjoyed it to bits even though my cheeks were painful because of the stinging snow . We can 't afford to go on wintervacation to find snow , but when it 's here I 'm happy . 3 . Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood . I had a doll with a plastic face and a fabric body , I made lots of houses with lego and I enjoyed building with other blocks at my gram . Once I got a train in a shop and I loved it , but then came my nephew and my mom gave it away just like that . To me that accentuated the difference between male and female so much that I think that was the birth of the feminist in me . He didn 't even like trains . . . yet he got it because he was a boy . 4 . If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone , what would it be ? Food5 . Do you live close to your immediate family members ? If not , how far away are they ? No , they live far away . My real family are my children and my friends . 6 . My mom ordered a turkey dinner from a local market . it was o . k . , but not very good . how was your turkey ( or last holiday meal ) this year ? No turkey and I can 't remember a last holiday meal . I think it was OK . 7 . In a one horse open sleigh : Have you ever been on a sleigh ride or a carriage ride ? Do you even like horses ? Or would you just rather travel by your own two feet ? Not on a large sleigh or carriage . I think I would love it ! I 've never had something special with horses , Share : Read More Another snowday . We 're getting used to the troubles the snow causes and don 't regard them as troubles anymore . Going to school means leaving a bit earlier and walking through the neighbourhood until the main road is reached where one can bicycle in a normal way . It also means being creative with food , because the shelves in the shops don 't present as much bread as usual . Adjusting is an art and I 've always treated that art as a talent of each and every child . A talent to be develeoped as well as possible . This morning I welcomed the light of the day , that special light of snow . Then I realised a nagging pain in my arm and shoulder . Where did that come from ? It took me almost all day to realise it comes from removing the snow from the plastic roof above the back door . I did some chores and walked to a friend because I had to ask her something . Instead of asking and going back I sat there , and kept het daughter busy while she was at the phone . Her daughter has the same flu as my kids . . . so no need to worry about infecting others . Then we had a chat and coffee and when I arrived home my oldest sat there , smiling . He 's very good at baking bread , so he made breadrolls for all of us , with cheese and ham . That tasted so well ! ( While he was baking , I mailed childcare to ask for the reason of their decision . ) We had a nice afternoon , discussing a few things and before we knew the kids were home from school and we all were talking and having fun . Then I suddenly asked why child care spoke about transparency and all sorts of nice things , and why they made a decision without showing us the reports on us and give us the chance to make corrections . So I spend another mail , and because I didnt ; get a reply on the former one from the teamleader I mailed the guardian too . He didn 't tell us which motivation they had , ( ofcourse I can think of one : my kids are well cared for and my kids are nice , polite and friendly kids , reacting their age , doing well at school , not using cigarettes drinks , drugs or whatever , having an active social life , etc eShare : Read More The new agenda is in use . Time flies . Today I went with my autistic son to his psychiatrist . We could hardly approach the bus as it was such a slippery mess everywhere . I asked the busdriver why they didn 't use sand when they wouldn 't use salt . He just shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about the old ways being better . We arrived 15 minutes early . There was no one at the department but the people of the front denk . It was delightfully quiet . It was like being alone in a japanese garden . Soothing . We talked things through with the psychiatrist and decided to wait with new meds until the endocrinologist would have presented the results . It was a relaxed meeting and it felt good to be respected for who I am wand what I know . I also told him the social worker wants to contact him to talk about the approach of my son . She used to take my words serious before the who toodoo with childcare started . Now she wants to talk with the psychiatrist herself . I said so to the psychiatrist and he smiled . " Yes , it works that way for some people . " " Indeed , it says more about them than about me . " So I explained why I reached certain conclusions . I know my stuff and I observe well . When we left the calm of the department touched us again . It was almost a pity to leave . We went home , did our shopping and then found out that sand was used on the bicycle roads . Wow ! At home one of the girls showed what she 'd made with beads . It was lovely ! We need to organise funds for her exchange and I told her that maybe making earrings and such would be a nice way to earn some of the money . She tried to find a job for this holiday , but she couldn 't . So maybe this will work . All in aal it was a very relaxed day , if it weren 't that the whole toodoo with that guardian bugs us . It 's time all will be finished and left in the past . We have final exams to concentrate on , and the usual changes in life . Up to 2011 ! We were waiting for replies on our letters , but nothing happened until today . We got a nice letter on the doormat stating Child Care will propose the court to stop the guardianship . So we would see each other in court . The last letters won 't need an answer . At first I was happy , happy , happy . . . Then I started to ask myself why she didn 't mention the motivation to stop the whole toodoo , as the law clearly states a few situations in which it can be stopped before the whole year has come to an end . ( We 've had 100 days ) . Ofcourse there 's nothing the matter with the girls or the rest of the family , so I guess that 's the reason . But after all the disappointments and unwelcome surprises of child protection my trust has gone . ( That needs some hard work to be regained the next year ) . All the doubts possible jumped in my mind : maybe we 've been too critical and difficult by expecting more from those guardians than they gave . We wanted pleasant people to deal with , a good partner in conversation , we wanted to be understood and accepted , we wanted the whole experience to be as pleasant as possible . Maybe we expected too much . Maybe that is now used against us ? The girls didn 't feel OK with the guy and answered the questions by mail . Maybe they see that as a negative thing ? Wereas I see that as a good way of taking care of themselves and they wellbeing . If they would have been told they had to go they would have gone . This afternoon I was with my autistic son at my family doctor and ofcourse I asked him if they had called him . " No " . All sorts of things went through my mind , and then the only thing substantial stayed : The court decided for guardianship because that teacher dais my girls were depressed , afraid to go to school , had no contacts etc etc , and it turned out that my girls are OK and the guy was mistaken . We 've said that from the moment we knew what he had said to child protection . Well , I 'm going to write a mail to child care asking them the reason , when to expect the date of the courtsession and some other details . Keep your finShare : Read More We needed bread and as I had nothing at home to bake one , I had to go to the shops . No problem . I had to shop for the presents for Sinterklaas anyway . So I put a thick shawl around my face , a fancy thing on my head , two cardigans on , legwarmers , my best coat , and battled my way against the storm on my bicycle . At times I had to put my foot on the ground because the wind brought me to a complete stand still . When I arrived at the shoppingcentre I needed some time to feel my legs again . I had to go to three shops before I found bread on the shelves . It 's clear that many shops didn 't get their products delivered today . Already a shortage of bread , vegetables and some drinks could be seen . I tried to find the presents I needed to buy , but I gave up looking for them after a while . At home it was decided we 'll skip Sinterklaas and give presents at Christmas , so everyone can go shopping when it 's convenient . It feels odd . But one doesn 't send anyone out at the moment . Inside the home it 's cozy . We had a tasteful dinner , had fun , watched TV , and when it was time for the girls to go to bed it started to snow light glistening snowstars . I don 't like the cold , but it 's better than a hot summer . Nature is so interesting now . The skies , the reflecting snow in the middle of the night , the lake . Maybe I 'll put myself in all sorts of layers of warmth and make a short walk later . It 's a long time ago I heard crackling and breaking sounds when it was freezing . But this evening I heard it . It 's so very cold that the snow disappears from the pavement without salt or anything else . Dry freezing . We 're still dealing with a kind of flu . Headaches and nausea are the main symptoms . The cold is not a big help for those who have to go through it . Just one week and it 's Sinterklaas . That 's the december presents event , like christmas presents . But here it 's in the night of december 5 to 6 . We drew names and tried to motivate everyone to send their wishes by mail to the whole family . Those who bought their secret things and managed to get it into the house before this cold weather are lucky . The rest needs to go shopping tomorrow . . . and I am one of them . Wooho ! Brrrr . . Sinterklaas won 't be a huge event this year . No money . Just a cup of hot chocolate and a cookie and a small present . I long back to the years we could buy the kids a lot of extra 's . Those were good years , with those great big eyes in those small faces . Pure happiness . Well , I 'm happy to have children that appreciate what they get and don 't grief about what they don 't get . 1 . Have you ever been to a fortune teller ? If yes , what happened ? No . But one approached me when I was in town and in a hurry . She took my hand without asking . I didn 't like it and told her I had to be elsewhere and i was certain we would meet again if her message to me would be important . 2 . How do you cope in an uncomfortable social situation ? It depends . A joke often works well . The last weeks I 'm talking and talking . 3 . A genie appears ( of course ) . She asks , " If you had 3 wishes but each took 3 years off your life , what would you wish for and why ? " Stop the situation we 're in and let us be the family we were before human lightning struck . We were happy and OK until someone acted upon the mistake of a child and created a nightmare for us . I 'm fed up dealing with negative people who think the worst of us . I want our lives back . Worldpeace . Need I explain ? A small cottage near Oban or on one of the isles of Scotland , or in Wales . Realising an old dream and returning to the roots of my genes . 4 . Would you rather lose your soul mate or never meet them at all ? I 've lost my soulmate due to life . I 've got rich memories and I 'm happy to have known him . 5 . What is the hardest thing that you have ever had to do ? Bury my own child and a few years later bury another baby . 6 . Have you ever had a miracle happen to you or your loved ones ? Yes . When I was young I had a marble lamp on the ceiling of my room . I used to stand under it when I heard my dad go to shave and then I would walk to him and see him shave . The foam and just one strike of a thing and the hairs on his chin were gone . It was amazing . That day however , I walked towards him and stepped in front of him . I never did . Right at that moment the heavy lamp came down . If I had kept the daily routine I would have been dead . 7 . Tell us about a quote that you can relate to . Why can you relate with it ? : There are many quotes I relate to , because I 've found their truth in my life . One of my grams : " Just be yourself and if the other person is a good person , being yourself is always enough . " 8 . WhShare : Read More On wednesday we had a meeting again . My main goal was to try and establish a pleasant working relationship based on equality . I 've tried all sorts of ways , but apart from discussions that were superficial , nothing interesting happened . Again no empathy at all . At least one might expect some consideration for what the girls are going through . . . nothing . No question if they 've had a nice birthday . Again we were faced with all too hasty conclusions . I said the girls have recently gone through a few weeks of being tired and getting low grades , referring to the lack of a relaxed summer - and autumnvacation . He threw himself on the subject , stating things that were not true and certainly not intended . I didn 't say they were tired from before the summervacation , I didn 't say they were tired because of him , I didn 't say anything else than that they recently went through a period of tiredness . It might even be due to the flu that some of their friends had . His frame of mind is very limited . He can 't understand where I 'm coming from when I tell him that my relationships with people are based on being myself and the acceptance that the other person is himself too . In fact , to feel myself comfortable the other should be himself too . Playing Child Care copper or trying to outwit someone else is creating a distance between people . I guess he needs it . I don 't blame him , but I 'm clear towards his teamleader how we feel and what happens between him and us . The girls don 't feel comfortable and save with him . I think it 's great they can define their own boundaries , and I share their feelings . When I told him about that he had his interpretations ready . I wrote his teamleader before and she told me she would let us know next week about the outcome of the teammeeting . Then I wrote her asking how to deal with the fact that he wanted a meeting with my daughter alone . If it was absolutely necessary , as it 's not my parenting style to force my children to deal with people they don 't feel save with . We as grown ups can deal with the situation , even though wShare : Read More I love birthdayvisits . These occassions are such a nice way to see people a few times a year and talk about all sorts of subjects and share memories . Because one of the ladies brought up the nice summercolours of some people , we hit the subject of indoor tanning lotions . It 's about 30 years ago that an expensive brand launched a new product : a tanning lotion that could be applied directly on the skin and didn 't need any sunlight to create the perfect summer look . Our neighbour , who always wanted to be nicer , better and more modern than all the other ladies living in the street , bought this product and at a tuesday evening she told her husband to get a cup of coffee at our place and she closed the door . . . . . and didn 't want to open it again . It took a lot of talking and promisses not to laugh before she let her husband in . She was orange . Not a bit . A lot ! Then my mother was called , who had a burst of laughter too , and they all had the plan to call the hairdresser of the village to ask him for advice . he had none , as he didn 't know the cream , but he advised to take a bath with bathsalt and maybe it would go away . The good soak didn 't work . One of our nieces was called . She was a hairdresser and beautician . Her only advice was to scrub . . . and call the factory . So the neighbour tried to scrub it off , which didn 't work and in the morning the factory was called . Turned out they recalled the products a few weeks before , due to long lasting colour effects . All they could do was to send a courier with a product that might cover the orange . For weeks my neighbour looked like she 's bathed in shoepolish . Her skin was shiny brownish , so everyone knew that she 'd used something to look better . After many weeks she started to look normal . Something like that won 't happen anymore . Products are tested and retested before they 're put on the market . Now one is offered a variety of products to tan the skin and these products are subject to a large list of requirements . No orange ladies anymore . She was a cute baby girl and I remember when I first held her in my arms . She was the first baby close to home after I decided not to want to be pregnant anymore . The years that followed were interesting . She was growing fast , developed well , and had an intense need to be present . At times it was impossible to have a conversation when she was in the room , and at a certain moment I told her to be quiet . She was surprised as she was not used to be told what to do or not to do . I told her that she was in my house and she needed to follow my rules . I could not allow her to talk over and over again when her mum and I wanted to have a good time chatting , simply because I had 6 children and didn 't want them to get in between it all too . " One rule for all children in this house . " To my surprise she accepted it . " OK " . I had to remember her of the rule a few times and then matters were settled . At her home I often told her that she might try to use the rule there too , and she was relatively quiet when I was there . At the birthday of the girls she and her mom visited me . She 'd grown a lot , smiled a lot , and was clinging to her mother in precisely the same way . Then suddenly she walked to the couch I was sitting on , sat beside me and told with a clear voice : " You 're my second mom " , and hugged me . " OK " Cold is heading our way . You won 't hear me complain , because it 's just the perfect time for cold weather . . . late autumn . I always like the fact that it freezes for a week or more , because it 's good against the bugs . Pity is that cold weather here often also means grey days and the heating on all day . It sure has a negative effect on my skin . So when I was making the grocerylist I was thinking that it would be wise to add another item : eye cream for dark circles . A few years ago I got a sample of a cream . I used it the past winters when I had to go out . It covered the dark spots under my eyes . Because I 'm wearing glasses any skinproblems around the eyes are subject of attention because they are magnified a bit . A good cream keeps the area moisturised and disguises any discolourisation . Do you use a cream ? I was asked how my mouth is doing . Well apart from the fact that it 's still there , I can say I 'm at the better side of all the pain now . ( I hope ) . The surgery itself went fine , but a srew came lose and when it was reattached the pin was turned lose from it 's surroundings . I 've had terrible pain and I wonder how I was able to go on with all those meetings and stuff , because the painkillers worked only for a part . I didn 't sleep well because of it and I still have to catch up . The pain is less since yesterday evening and I 'm very glad about that , as you can imagine . There 's a blister on top of the wound now . . . with a firm skin on top . Se we 'll see what that does . As long as the crew doesn 't come lose before it should come lose . . . and as long as it gives in when it needs to be turned out . . . . Boy 3 has found the perfect place for his practical work for his education : the main hospital in town . He 's studying security and was especially delighted to see that he and his collegues are also part of the actions of the emergency helicopter . It 's like realising one of his dreams . He found the place himself , applied for it without talking with anyone and even though they had to put up a formal selection event which attracted quite some applicants , he got the job . As the university is also part of their security area , he 'll have a good time learning there . Some of the kids are going to Harry Potter tomorrow as part of the birthday present for the girls . I 'll launch a worldwide secret santa event for Action For Autism tomorrow or the day after . It was delayed a bit due to some ill co - workers , but there 's not much work left , so tomorrow and thursday will be enough to get it going . Between now and christmas I need to paint the livingroom . A new thermostat was put on the wall and it 's round . Which doesn 't provide a close fit to the square space available . . . So it needs painting to have a nice wall again . There 's quite some fuzz about a book that paints a picture of the pope . Pity I don ; t worj for the magazine anymore which wanted me to review Share : Read More The way we feel about the new guardian keeps bugging my mind . I told him how we felt , but didn 't get much response on the content of the message when i was talking to him . So I mailed it and got a reply back : It 's your problem . So I let him know I 'm not from that tradition . In the eighties , or short before , there was a kind of attitude among ccertain students and other people in society that everybody was responsible for his own problems . Ofcourse there 's a truth in that , I don 't deny that . But they used it as an excuse not to be bothered and certainly not to care . None would lift a finger to help someone else . Not my piece of cake . So I tried to solve our problems by talking with him about it . That got me an insight in how he acts . Nothing more . In fact he suggested things by telling me they didn 't have an endless supply of guardians . Hmm . . Today I took plenty of time to write a letter to the teamleader stating that it 's up to her if she takes him of the case or not . I clearly states what I had observed and that I can tell my girls to cooperate , but that I can 't tell them to trust him . I also wrote a bit about one of the statetments about us that we 're not able to look for help and accept it . A ridiculous statement . As a mom of 3 autistic boys and one with ADHD and dyslexia I can 't do without reaching out for help . Diagnostics , medication , therapy , support , entrance to protected living facilities , help at school , etc . etc . There 's nothing thrown through the mailbox , nothing waiting at the doormat . We had to arrange everything ourselves , and what is the use of making it all happen when you won 't accept it ? Hopes that what I wrote makes a difference . But it feels ridiculous to defend ourselves against such thoroughly stupid ideas . still to go : 275 days When the recession hit many countries we were told our country was not hit hard and we would escape most of the problems . I think that minister meant himself . Many people are facing a very hard time , and so do we . Already we have to turn each and every coin and we have to save on many things . But that 'll get worse . Insurance costs will go up . Not only the monthly pay , but also our own risk , as they call it . And there are talks in the government about making people pay for help from Youth Care . Imagine that ! I don 't need their help at all , but they meddle in because of mistakes of others and we might have to pay 3200 euro for that ! We don 't have a car , but I think we should have to reconsider , even though I think the outcome will be : no car . The costs of transportation have gone up tremendously , due to the disappearance of a special card which was used in our area and due to the introduction of an electronic system . No trips to town just to go shopping , or a quick cuppa at a friend for less than an hour . I 'm glad I 'm not in many organisations right now , otherwise I would have to cut back on those cativities . It 's not our own problem . Friends with families go through the same , and some are considering selling their house and live smaller . I 'm glad we 've never lived rich , so we can deal with it all . Even though I feel sorry for the kids . Especially the girls are at an age that small things are such fun . But they cost rather much . This week I had a meeting with the guardian without others present . I took a taperecorder with me and he was not quite happy about that . Nevertheless he acknowledged that it 's known there that Child Care and the like use blackmail . They use the children to get the father out of the house . He said it a few times . Either he 's not well instructed about the fact that a spokesperson should talk about that subject and he 's not aware of the implications of his statements , or his ego is big enough to make him ignore that . I made him aware of the fact that I 'm writing a book . That didn 't make him withdraw the statement . ( I think he didn 't take it serious . ) I also said I would turn to his superiors for confirmation when the time is ripe and he didn 't blink an eye . Interesting . The strange feeling of distrust about his person stays . I tried to make him aware of that , and he mailed me it 's my problem . I mailed back it is at least a problem of interaction and I 'll think about it . A copy went to his teamleader . Today I went to the social work organisation of our town to talk about it all . She was nice and impressed me with the way she used my name . I felt acknowledged , which was a kind of strange feeling after all these months . Present was a student who took part in the conversation . Nice woman too . They took a lot of notes , with names and all . Heard the whole story with the main questions : what 's their vision on how to deal with the situation , how to deal with this guy we don 't trust . It 's not resistance against the situation , because we went well along with the other guy . They took the whole situation quite different than I . Acdcording to them we shouldn 't have been there in the first place , so they thought it would be good to think about this matter in their own team and se what can be done . I don 't think we can change anything at all , as that judge took the wrong report as true , but maybe they know more than I . So I didn 't go home with answers on my questions , but I did go home with the feeling that I can establish a normal contact with a soShare : Read More It 's the birthday of the girls . As we didn 't have bought real presents yet , because we had to spend our time on other things and we thought we would be able to shop after the meeting of complaint of yesterday , we had a visit to the shopping centre here right before closing time . I found some very nice boxes with sprays and such . Same content , different looks . Two nice boxes for jewelry , and some hairaccessories . We gave them yesterday evening , because their dad would not be around this morning and because they could use the hairthingies . They were very happy with the gifts and loved the giftboxes . Phew ! ! They 're real young ladies of 15 now . Good responsible girls with a brighful look at the future . I 'm very proud of them . And I love them to bits . Happy birthday girls ! ! Isn ; t it strange that filing a complaint against a person of Child Care doesn 't reach the statistics until you 've passed a few levels of complaining ? We ; ve had a meeting with the person who made the mistakes , then the teamleaders . At those levels complaints are worth nothing . Yesterday we went to the boss of this Child Care region . Interesting guy . He could have been the brother of one of my mentors at university who now has become mayor of a nice town . The same way he moves his head , tone and tembre of voice . But he was nicer . He talked a lot at the beginning of the meeting , explaining the procedures . It came down to the fact that we can go two more steps higher , that he will conduct and investigation when he sees fit to do so , and that it 's for the benefit of the organisation . Huh ? And we ? Well , in very exceptional cases a letter will go to the courthouse stating that the report was not OK , and it will be filed . Well , bloody @#$%^ ! ! ! The meeting was fine . He listened well , made plenty of summaries , and I 'm now sure his adagio of life is summarisation and simplification , but he got our main complaints well on paper , thanks to a woman who studied law and was nothing else than his secretary . It wasn 't an unpleasant experience . In fact we smiled a lot , had some laughs and even joked . He could have become a good friend if he was not at the other side of the problem . So he 's the perfect guy for that position . LOL ! If he 's honest . . . his building won 't be a happy place for some people . If he 's not , he 's a good actor and lyer . Strangely enough when we went home we felt a kind of satisfaction that we 've taken that step . If it turns against us . . . we 'll deal with that . But it sure feels good to lay the problems back where they belong . We 're preparing for Sinterklaas , . That 's our giving and receiving event of December . Santa Claus doesn 't visit us , but his origina ; character : Sinterklaas . he arrived in our country last week and will leave in the night of december 5 to 6 deceber , leaving presents . We 've drawn names . Now we 're making wishlists and they 're send around . I don 't like wishlists . The strange fenomenon of not knowing anything before the event always hits me , and as soon as it 's over I know such a lot ! ! My autistic son doesn 't have those problems . He wants an xbox 360 , with all accessories . It 's a kind of oversized wish , considering the fact that we 're allowed to give presents of 15 euro . There 's a secret wishlist in my mind : One of my daughter needs a new bicycle and a PC for school , the other one a PC too , my autistic son his xbox 360 , my second son a new bicycle too . My oldest a nice suit or wintercoat . . and a haircut , but I 'm sure he 'll resist that . LOL ! My third son would love to have a new computer or a hard drive . It won 't happen . . . unless Sinterklaas really exists . |
Hi folks . I am new here . I enjoyed your stories , and I pleasantly find out how you girls are nasty in your privacy ! good ! Anyway , I am here to tell you about my experience . The main character is my ex girlfriend Ana . We went for a summer camp 15 miles up north Barcelona , Spain . The restrooms in the camping were the nastier I ever seen in my entire life . Shit everywhere and crappy toilet papers all around the flor . More than that a disgusting mix of shit , pee , and something close to a dead body filled the air . Obviously we were not so brave to enter the stalls . Hopefully we slept there just one night . However , Ana had to poop so bad . She kept the breath , and she tried to enter the restroom . I was waiting for her in the tend . After a couple of minutes she swiftly come back grabbing her belly . I asked her what was going on , and if she had already done . She told me that the bathroom were too nasty , was impossible to poop . She grab from the backpack an empy grocery bag than she put it on the floor and she started pooping . From her asshole a huge turd came out smootly . After another smaller one . She grab the toilet paper and she started wiping her dirty assshole . The stink in the tend was disgusting . We started laughing aloud . The neighbor were really pist off . Ana close the bag and walked to the nearest garbage can holding the bag full of shit . Nice and funny experience . Lydia Yesterday i had a swimming conference and was so nervous . I swam the first relay and had the biggest urge to shit . after a little while i decided to go pee and see what happened . i entered the locker room took a stall and stripped down . i quickly sat on the toilet and peed for a minute . then i decided that i had to shit NOW . so i leaned forward to help it out . when i poop i get up on my toes and strip off my clothes so i can relax . then i lean all the way over so my boobies touch my knees . this makes me feel more comfortable in public . In case someone looks through a crack or something . so anyway i start grunting and two giant grapefruit sized turds pop out . i decided to take a break and change my tampon when another girl rushed in with her friend . they took the stalls to both of my sides and the one girl peed and then wiped and left . the girl on the other side peed first and then wiped and stood up but then farted really loud and told her friend to go on cause she had to go poopie . So her friend left and the girl preceed to take off her suit and sit down . Immediatly tons of pebble turd plopped into the toilet . She had a constant groan under her breath . Once she got started i felt a huge freakin turd knockin on the anus door so i took my position and opened up . Slowly a very knobby turm inched out and plopped into the tiolet . It was approaching my time to swim so i left the girl to herself and left my shit in the pot cause it was way to big to flush . Today I was at work in a small town store and I needed to poop approx . 1 : 30 in the afternoon . I 'm the manager - female , 28 thin . Anyway the bathroom is a small one room with one toilet . I said " I gotta go to the bathroom , be back in a bit " I went in and pulled my khaki pants down and my underwear and sat . I felt my anus opening up and the first turd slid out . I pushed and the second turd came out . I still felt fullness in my rectum so I pushed a little harder and I felt poo coming out my anal opening . Two turds slid out together . I still felt more ch inside so I pushed and the last turd came crakling out . I looked in the toilet to find I made five 5 " turds and a chunk in the toilet . I wiped three times , flushed washed my hands . It took me about 5 min . all together from first push to last wipe . Hello - - cloudy here . Went to the mall for lunch today ; afterwards I had to poop , so went into the middle stall . Since it was my third poop of the day , it was a little soft , but still three nice turds , of which the middle one was over six inches . As I was wiping , a young gentleman came into the stall on my left . Wide gap behind the partition lets reflective tile reveal what goes on . He sat well forward , so his bottom was fully visible with space underneath it . He dropped six soft turds ranging from two to four inches ; a fair volume in a short time ; he wiped and left and the automatic flush took it all away . I still had not finished wiping ; did one more set of paper ; another man came in . A businessman in coat and tie , he put up the seat and hovered over the bowl . His bottom was maybe a foot above the rim . At first he just wiggled himself into position . Then , after a moment , a first turd came out , short and dark , which lit with a surprisingly soft splash . Then came a somewhat longer one , maybe four inches , an inch thick . He finished off with about an eight - incher , a bit thinner , then blasted a powerful fart . No more poop ; he wiped and left . I did the same . A nice sighting , all in maybe 10 minutes . I just had one of the best pooping sessions ever . I just sat on the toilet and pushed out a huge log which had been sitting in my belly for so long . I now feel so releieved . The log was so thick in diameter that it really stretched my ass hole as it was coming out . My ass hole is still sore now . I was very careful when wiping . I took a shower to clean my self up rather than use too much paper as it was so sore . I sometimes have a pleasant feeling when I push out a big turd - I guess its the nerve endings in my ass hole getting a work out ! ! I was about 10 years old and my family was in Vermont visiting some relatives in the summer and it was decided to spend a couple of days in Maine . Our first day there , the plan was to drive out to the beach for the day and come back to some kind of outdoor dance festival . As always as a child I was worried about needing to pee or someone seeing me pee so I made sure I went right before we left our hotel at 10 . We got to the beach around 11 . 30 and I was OK . We went in the water for about half an hour and then we were called out for our picnic lunch . It was hot and I drank a lot of juice . By about 1 . 15 , I felt the stirrings of a need to pee . I looked around to find a restroom for later but there weren 't any apparent . We 'd changed in a locker type room with no toilets . I knew that I had the option of peeing in the ocean which was what my family told everyone to do at the beach anyway , but the adults wouldn 't let us swim after eating . The large amounts of juice made me very uncomfortable and I hopped around on the sand pretending to play with frisbees or whatever but really doing a low - scale pee dance until about 2 pm when we could go back in the water . I waited for a wave , swam into it and peed fiercely through my bathing suit . I was then distracted by the fun of the beach and it wasn 't until we got out of the water at 5 . 00 for supper that I realized I had to go again . By then it was too late to go back in the water and my need was still under control so I tried to push it to the back of my mind as I ate . After supper , it was time to change and go back to town for the festival . Some of my cousins and siblings expressed a need to pee , and my aunt took them to the restrooms . I wanted to go too , but my aunt announced that people who didn 't have to go could just change in the locker room and people who did could go with her . I would never admit I was a person who had to go , so I went to the locker room . I did scan around for a place to pee and considered squatting over the drain in the changeroom , but I wasn 't desperate yet and was afraid of being seen . I figured I could wait the 1 1 / 2 drive to the park where the festival was and find somewhere there . Also , most of the unusual places I 've peed have something in common - I rarely have squatted . I used to find that demeaning and childish and would try to find somewhere where I could seat or half - sit half - stand instead . There are a couple of exceptions though . Anyway , I got changed and went to the car . During the drive , I began to get more urgent more quickly than I had thought I would and started to get worried . I squirmed around on the seat wishing I could hold myself but unwilling to admit that much desperation to myself or to possibly be seen . Then I hit on the idea to put my bag with my towel and swinsuit between my legs , squeezing them tight so it would push against my crotch . That helped a bit and no one seemed to notice , and I arrived at the park still doing OK but pretty desperate and very anxious . We were 1 / 2 an hour early and I hoped I would find an opportunity to slip away without saying anything before the show . I had not peed in 5 1 / 2 hours and had been aware of a need for 2 1 / 2 though I 'd had to go before that too , and I 'd been drinking a lot throughout the day . My family wanted to get good seats and head straight to the festival site . Since again there were people having to pee , we split into two groups - a bathroom group and a festival site group . I tried frantically to think of an excuse to get me into the bathroom group other than having to pee , but I couldn 't , so I miserably walked to the site with the other non - peers , my bladder feeling heavy and full . The wait for the festival to start and the whole first half were torture . I squirmed constantly in my lawn chair crossing and uncrossing my legs until I finally got out of the chair altogether , pretending I was more comfortable on the ground and sat down rocking my bladder into my heel , which did help me hold it . I fantasized about just letting go and peeing through my shorts into the grass , but I knew there 'd be a wet spot on my clothes if I did that . I tried to tell myself there were only 2 hours or so left and I could make it . At intermission , I was urgently bursting and I knew there was no way I could wait until the show ended and we drove back to the hotel . I had now held it for almost 4 hours or more , and I had to do something or I would wet my pants . I was about to give in and just say I had to pee badly when my aunt mentioned wanting coffee and that she didn 't want to walk all the way back to the park building . That building probably also had bathrooms ! I quickly volunteered to get her coffee and she handed me a couple of dollars and I took off running before anyone else could volunteer to go with me or suggest it was a bad idea to send me alone in an unfamiliar area . The park building was about 5 minutes away and my bladder was so full , it felt like a year . I also got a little lost and had to veer back on the path . Finally , I was at the building . I had to pee before I worried about the coffee . I walked in and looked for the restroom . Right away , I saw that the womens ' had a huge line snaking out of it with little kids with their mothers whining and dancing around holding themselves . I couldn 't wait that long , first because I didn 't think I could stand still with any decorum for 15 or 20 minutes without peeing my pants and secondly because I was scared that other members of my family might also have to go , come here and see me . I decided to look for another , smaller bathroom . I ran out onto the path and in a couple of minutes , came to a little kids ' park . I knew those often had restrooms . I ran towards the wooden hut that looked like one , but it had a sign " closed at 6pm . " Now what ? My bladder jumped and a spurt of pee nearly came out . I had to stop and cross my legs tightly and do a little dance with people all around . I actually thought of just letting it come and telling my aunt I spilled her coffee on my lap , but then my determination and pride took over and I prevented myself from wetting with superhuman strength considering how full my bladder was and how desperate I felt and I was only 10 . ( Significantly , at that age I don 't think I ever had a full accident in public , just partial ones , but I did pee my pants now and again in private , like in my bedroom . The possibility of being seen seemed to motivate me to hold it when it seemed impossible . ) I don 't know if anyone that night noticed a panicking little brown Afro - Latina with an urgently bursting need to pee pulling on her tight little shorts to have them hold her crotch because she didn 't want to use her hand in public and walking painfully crouched over as she plunged into the bushes . I wasn 't thinking of that as I searched for a place to go . I would have squatted , but people kept coming by walking dogs and stuff and I 'd heard of people being arrested for indecent exposure and didn 't want to risk it . I ran back to the park just thinking , THERE HAS TO BE A WAY . I was so close to peeing my pants . Then , I found a way . In a more quiet corner of the park were some old tire swings . I ran over there and hopped into one thinking no - one would look twice at a child swinging . As I gently swung with one hand on the rope , trying not to wriggle too desperately and lose control of the swing , the other undid my shorts and pushed them and my panties to my knees ( this would have been much easier in a dress or skirt . ) I had my bag with me and placed it on my lap to hide the brown skin showing . I wanted to make sure my pee didn 't go on the ground and make people look , so I sat up slightly , angling my crotch right into the bottom of the tire . Then I let my pee go as quickly as I could to cut down on the risk of detection . There was rainwater in the tire and my pee thundered into it in a thick , desperate stream that felt so good to let loose . It actually didn 't hit the ground at all and was much more comfortable than squatting on the ground . It seemed to go on forever and I swung slowly back and forth trying not to show on my face that anything unusual was going on , but I was terrified that I would be caught . I felt this was a wrong thing to do . Luckily , even though it was a long pee , no one came too near to where I was . When I was done , I whipped up my shorts , hopped out of the swing , tilted it and let the water and pee run to the ground as I didn 't think it was nice to leave my pee there for someone else to accidentally encounter . I did the same with all the other swings just in case someone was watching and wondering . Then I headed back to my family . For the first minute or so , I looked fearfully behind me for a cop or someone else who had seen what I 'd done . Then , I relaxed and took pride in the unique , mature way I 'd handled my problem . I wonder if anyone else noticed a little black girl who had been obviously desperate five minutes ago now walking slowly , comfortably , with a serene expression and dry clothes and wondered what she had done to address her needs ? Or maybe someone had watched me and seen the whole thing ? Maybe this story will end up here from their perspective . This is one of the more public places I ever peed , by the way . I was almost back to my family before I remembered my aunt 's coffee . I ran back and got it , noting there was still a line for the restrooms . By the time I rejoined my family , the show had started and they all wanted to know what had taken so long . I said a long line and we left it at that . Karen My name is Karen , and I 'm a 19 year old freshman in California . I 'm sooooooooo glad I found this site ! I had a really embarassing experience earlier this year . I 'm a really shy person , so I was worried about meeting my roommate . I was so nervous moving in that I started to get an upset stomach . Finally , I was moved in , and her parents and my parents left . We were both really uncomfortable , and then my poop really started to hit me . I dashed into the bathroom , but our suitemate was already in there ! I kept knocking , but it was too late - - I had pooped in my white shorts . When I heard our suitemate leave , I dashed into the bathroom . I was able to clean myself up , but my pants were ruined . I was so upset that I started to cry . My roommate heard me , and she asked if she could come in . I thought she was going to make fun of me , but she hugged me and told me about a time when she pooped herself ! Since then , we 've been super close , and we 're pledging the same sorority ! I 'm so glad I found a poop buddy ! Today my friend organized a party and i am in troubles . ( I AM WRITING IN MY FRIENDS COMPUTER ! ! ! ! ) . It is a sleepover . It is 3 : 30 am and they are sleeping . Better tell this in two parts , one right now and the other one when i get home . Part one : 6 hours ago we were playing nintendo and my friens ( 7 ) decided to go walk to a community park or place for relaxing . I decided to walk with them . The great advantage is that the park has a hole in the wall and we an pass through it . We were telling jokes and everything when i felt the urge to poop . That park doesnt has restrooms and i was feeling that my hole was about to open . I asked to my friends if anyone had to poop and everyone said yes . We all grabbed a stone and started digging a hole . When we finished George squatted and we all saw his hole open widely . He grunted and a soft log was starting to come out slowly and landed on the hole we dug . WAIT A MINUTE , I HAVE TO GO # 2 . . . . When was i ? Oh yes . He finished pooping and wiped with leaves . The same we did all and then we left . At 12 we were pplaying and telling things when one of us went for a glass of water and one friend was in the bathroom . We went downstairs and while we were walking to the kitchen the urge to go # 2 i felt . I told Robert that i was going to thr bathroom while he drink water . When i opened the door of the guest bathroom i found the sister of George pooping with the pants at her knees and her underwear just far enough to go . She seemed sueprised butshe just grunted , i heard one plop and she left . She didnt flush . I looked at her poop and there were 3 soft turds and paper . I sat down . I pished and i grunted while the sost turd was coming out slowly . Robert said that if he could watch and i said yes . I pooped three oft logs . I will tell you the rest in aproximately in 11 hours because one of my friends is waking ip . i better go now . Bye and wait for the other part . Robbie In the 3grade me and my best friend Katie were out at resses playing tag wene I had to poop relly bad . I asked my teacher and he said ok but I had to walk to the outher side of the school to get to the bathroom . I was wlaking as fast as I coude but thene it sliped out . I went to the bathroom and finished up . by the time I finshed up resses was over . I had to walk up in frount of the class to tel my teacher . He told me to go to the nurse . Thene I had to tell her . she gave me clothes she had for such an case and thene she put my clothes in a plastic bag . thene I had to walk back in the class room to put them in my cubby . I was so imbaresed . AJ - Its interesting that you remember back to your toilet training days . I remember mine well but it seems most people don 't . I , too , had a small potty chair that I liked to use . Even though I still sat to pee I remember that I 'd pee on the toilet but much perferred , in fact insisted on pooping on the potty . I was constipated for most of mt toddler years . The potty I had had arms at the sides . Used to hook my hands under them and pull as I strained . As I got older I remember getting off the the toilet when having a hard time of it and sitting on my potty because I felyt I could strain better there . - JW oldpoop Good morning - - cool here . I just got up about ten minutes ago , sat at the computer to dial up , and felt my rectum fill up . I sent a slightly moistened finger to check . If I am not ready to go , even a moistened finger does not readily go into my anus ; but if ( as in this case ) I am ready , even a dry finger will slide in quite easily . It went in through the anus into the rectum , which at first seemed empty , but then a turd slid down firmly against my finger . Holding it in place , I walked to the toilet . As I got up to walk , the anus closed and sent the turd back up a little ways . I got to the toilet , squatted on the rim , and watched as three nice turds came quickly out - - about 4 , 4 , and 7 inches respectively , falling with distinct plunks into the water . I wiped once , refolded the paper , put a dab of Noxzema on it , and wiped again , this time sticking it up into my anus for deeper cleansing . It all felt excellent . Yesterday I was quite conscious of how I wipe . I take three sheets of toilet paper , fold them so that they form a pad 1 sheet square and 3 thick , and go in from my right side ( with right hand ) to wipe . For the first wipe , to get the grossest stuff off , I simply wipe across , left to right , using my middle three fingers to guide the paper . After I look at what 's on the paper , checking for color and consistency , I fold it in half . I wipe again , this time front to back , and again check results . If the b . m . is hard , that 's usually enough ; if it 's a little soft at the end , I need to do it again . Taking three more sheets , I fold them as before , but this time I wipe down from the top of my crack , placing my thumb on my inner thigh as a brace , then wiping firmly back to front with my ring finger digging a little into my anus , then front to back with my pointing finger digging in . I do that several times , then I inspect the paper ; if still dirty , I fold it and repeat the process , always guiding down my crack to begin . The third set of paper ( if necessary ) I treat like the second , but after I fold it , I add the Noxzema for the final wipe . About a year ago , me and my family were on a vacation , and we were pulled in at a campsite , and they decided to take the dogs for a walk . I really had to take a crap and I thought I would try something new . I took one of the bags used for the dogs crap and pulled down my pants and squatted and pulled the bag up so It was right under my ass . I pushed out some nice footlong turds into the bag . I tied the bag up and left it under the camper . It was thrown in the trash along with the dog crap . Has anyone else taken a crap in a bag ? ? oh my lord do i have cramps now . I feel like i need to pee and shit , but i 'm holding it in . I wanna have an " accident " because i 've never had one before . I 'm sitting at my computer chair . i can 't hold it any more . my hands are on my crotch . i let go . my pants are flooded with pee . now the poop is comming out . uh - oh , it 's diarrhea ! I can 't stop ! Shit , my pants are so full ! i got to go take a shower now . adios ! Today I am on this website by searching up on the net . I like to pee in weird places , so i guess I am a weirdo . oh god . . . I can 't hold this pee any longer . i just got a big pad so I can piss and type . it feels good and naughty . hehehe . . . This is a story about how i found out that i liked seeing guys peeing pee or desperate to pee , when i saw my boyfriend . My boyfriend and I were driving and , we entered a tunnel during the height of rush hour traffic . As we inched our way to the tunnel I saw a look of pain on Zach 's face . I asked him what was wrong and he said " nothing " . I thought the traffic was getting to him as he is an impatient driver . As we approached the toll booth , he was sort of bending over at the waist toward the steering wheel . He has a nervous stomach so I asked again if he was okay . He responded that he was just tired . When we finally got into the tunnel I noticed Zach tapping his hands hard on the steering wheel while still kind of bending forward . After a few minutes I noticed him raising one cheek of his ass , then the other . His face was a bit contorted . It was then that I figured he must have to pee , and pretty badly at that . Although we 've been together for two years , he is a very private person and doesn 't announce when he has to pee , even to me . After about ten minutes in the tunnel , an announcement over the speakers said a truck was stuck in the mouth of the tunnel , but traffic should be moving shortly . By now Zach was squirming a wee bit , and his right foot was tapping . Then he began fanning his legs in and out , and tapping both feet . I was really getting turned on . Soon his left leg was tapping wildly and he was doubling over at the waist . I asked once again if he was okay . He finally responded " I have to pee so bad I could taste it " . I told him to hold on and that we 'd be out of the tunnel soon . He was now bouncing up and down in the seat , while sweat formed on his brow . I looked at his face and noticed that he was biting down hard on his lower lip . Soon , even his breathing became irregular . We now had the car off for 20 mintues , and there was no further announcement about how long it would take to clear the tunnel . I noticed Zach had tears in his eyes as he tried hard to contain himself . I kept glancing down at his crotch , but it was dry . Finally an announcement came , but it the news Zach wanted to hear . " We are still working on the blockage which should be cleared within the hour " . Hearing this made Zach wince , and for the first time he said to me " I don 't think I can hold this in that long " . Being as shy as he is , I knew he didn 't want to hold his penis in front of me , so every now and then I 'd turn and look out my passenger side window . I figured this would give him time to give his penis a squeeze if he needed to . He finally pulled his seat back a bit and crossed his legs tightly . Finally , after about 35 minutes , the lights turned green and the traffic began to move forward , inch by inch . Zach uncrossed his legs , moved his seat back into position and began to inch along with the traffic . " I can 't do this " , he exclaimed . " I 'm going to wet my pants , I need to go so bad " . The traffic stopped again , briefly as cars were lead out of the tunnel . We were still only about mid - way through . I asked Zach if he wanted me to drive and he said " yeah , please " I maneuvered my way into the back seat and told him to scoot over to the passengers front seat . When he did , I climbed into the driver 's seat . I was in awe of how long he was holding such a bad piss . He looked like he was in agony , which was all i could take . With my right hand , I grabbed his penis through his jeans , and squeezFinally , we were out of the dark tunnel , but still crawling in traffic on the New York side . Because we were in broad daylight , Zach took my hand from his penis , and kind of pressed down with his own hand . At this point he told me he couldn 't even talk , because if he did he was going to loose control . Washington is not the kind of place where you can pull over and pee on the side of the road ; plus , there were wall to wall people on the streets , and lots of cops around . I was frantically looking for a place to park so that Zach could get into a building and finally let it out . His head was now down under the dashboard , and both of his arms were wrapped around his knees while his legs were drawn up to his chest . I reached down under his left leg and pressed hard on his penis . I felt him relax a bit at that point . I told him to hold it , and that I 'd find parking soon . About ten minutes later , I saw a side street that i knew had a small park at the end , so i turned onto it . Unfortunately , there were people at the park , but we decided to get him out of the car and go into the woods to a trail in the park and let him pee there . i parked as close as i could and we got out of the car . Getting out of the car was difficult for Zach . He couldn 't get out right away . He said if he moved his legs or let go of his penis , he 'd loose it . I told him to take a few deep breaths and pull his muscles in tightly . I was never so horny in my life . Luckily , it was getting a little dark , so it wasn 't as easy to see Zach holding his penis . I had to half drag him , beacuse he could hardly walk by himself . We finally made it into the cover of the trail , and Zach walked a little ways off of it under the cover of the trees while I stood on the trail to make sure no one came by . I was a little disappointed that i wouldn 't get to watch him , but i thouhght , " well , at least i can hear him . " But then Zach called to me that he couldn 't let go of his penis or else he would wet his pants ( his hands were inside his pants by now ) . " i can 't believe i 'm asking this , " ( and neither could I , because he 's so shy ) , but can you come over here and help me ? " i was thrilled beyond belief , but i tried to staylooking calm and walked over to him . I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants , and pulled down his underwear , and finally , with a moan of relief , Zach started peeing like never before . He peed for 3 or 4 minutes nonstop ; i couldn 't believe he had held that much in him . I couldn 't stop staring at him ; it was the first time i had seen him pee , and i was incredibly turned on . That 's my story , sorry it was so long . Does anyone else have any similiar stories ? i would love to hear them . I have other stories ot tell from after this time if anyone wants to hear them . Bubba - - It 's funny . I don 't mind if my parents here me pee forever , but I mind terribly if a friend does . When I leave the stall after having gone for a long time , i get all sorts of strange looks . It used to bother me , but now I 'm so used to it I just view it as " They are strangers , and I never have to see them again . " It works for me . You know , once because I wouldn 't admit to my friends that I have a giant bladder and pee for a long time . . . well , it wasn 't good . So me and like 4 friends went to an amusement park . We drank alot and went on a lot of rides and stuff , and I started needing to use the bathroom almost instantly . But I figured that since I have a very large bladder I could just hold it . So over the course of the day I had drank 4 large diet sprites , 2 slushies , 1 diet coke , 3 cups of decaf coffee , and 4 bottles of water . After drinking that much , even me with the large bladder had to go to the bathroom pretty desperately . So we all went into the bathroom and i pulled down my pants and started going . I knew that I could easily use the bathroom for 5 minutes , because I hadn 't used the bathroom all day yesterday , all day today , and i had drank alot . So i started peeing , and after about a minute when my bladder was still 4 / 5ths full , my friends called and were like " come on ! You 're taking forever ! ! " And I was to embarrassed to tell anybody that I had a large bladder , so I painfully stopped the flow and wiped and got into the car with all of my friends . The car ride was three hours long , and it was very hot and my friends airconditing was broken so I drank another two diet sprites and two water bottles . Then i started REALLY REALLY having to go . I asked a friend to pull over , but they wouldn 't . Somehow I made it home , and into my house . I got into the bathroom and quickly pulled down my pants and sat on the toilet and peed for like 7 minutes non stop or before i even started " drizzling " . Once when i was on a camping trip a friend and i who were sharing the room got pans to pee into . One night I really had to go and started peeing into the pan . I peed so much that i overflowed the pan and had a huge puddle on the floor . my friend saw and started laughing and helped me clean up . Well today begins day 1 of my medication . My stomach feels like it 's made out of steel . It is so awesome ! But here 's the bad part ; I have not had a BM since yesterday morning . Oh well I have to see my doctor next week . Hopefully things will be moving before then ( if you know what I mean ) ! Pam - - I feel your pain . You should probably talk to your doctor about taking medications . I 've been getting diarrhea every day ( or mostly every day for about 5 months ) . Today was my first day of constipation . It feels very wierd . Oh well , at least my medication ( Librax ) is working . Do you take Lactaid with dairy foods . I take that and it helps . But ice cream doesn 't upset my stomach ( unless it 's from an ice cream shop ) . Just milk and cheese . Caffeine is my worst enemy , exactly in the same way that dairy doesn 't agree with you . AUSSIEROD . . . . . . . . . To Penny . . I tried to reply to your post earlier as you may have seen but had pc probs , all fixed now , so I shall resume . I started off to say your incident with your sighting of the lady in the next cubicle reminds me of a story my sister told me awhile ago . When she first left school she did a variety of jobs prior to her settling down to a career , one the jobs was a demonstrator for a bed linen company . That meant she had to travel around shopping centres and exhibitions . She was at a shopping centre this time working when she had to go for a dump , she told the girl she worked with that she off to take a dump & would be back in 10 minutes . We come from a very open family therefore things toilet related were not a big issue , we often compared notes about our poops & we saw each other on the pot many many times . She said this was gonna be a 2 day poop , meaning she hadn 't been for a crap for 2 days , therefore this dump would take some effort . As she walked to the ladies she could feel the head of turd begin to make its way out then stop . she sat down , had good long piss , followed by a loud booming fart , then she pushed out a huge log about 7 " long . As she was waiting for the second log to emerge , her concentration was broken by the click click of high heels on the tiled floor . This person was obviously in a real hurry , the cubicle door on her left was swung open with a rush hitting the wall of the toilet making everything vibrate . Then she heard the other girl start to wimper & start to swear in desperation , my sister then looked under the stall , the stalls were fairly high offf the floor , almost as high as the bowl . She recognised the shoes belonging to the girl in the who was working in the stall next to her she was selling lighting , from memory her name was Sam I think . My sister introduced herself & asked Sam if she was ok , Sam said apparently that she had busting for dump for quite awhile , the girl who works with her had gone to the bank & when she returned Sam was in the middle of a I remember the time I had to pee the worst in my life . I was a senior in high school and after holding it all day and then through dinner and a play rehersal ( about 15 hours at this point ) , I was about to burst . My mom picked me up from the rehersal and I told her I needed to pee , so go straight home ( about a 10 minute drive ) . She said OK and we left . About three blocks later my bladder which was painfully numb and hard started to spasm and my crotch was burning . I had to plead with my mom to pull over in a residential area . I got out right in front of someone 's house ( luckily it was dark ) and lowered my tight jeans just barely enough . I half squatted and half bent over . My mother was standing behind me trying to shield me from the street . I started peeing normally and it was splashing . Embarassed , I bent over further and really beared down to hurry . This caused a perfect laser stream to land in the gutter behind me with lots of splattering . I heard me mother exclaim - Oh , Brenda ! - She backed up a couple feet . At the end both myself and my mom had wet shoes . I could tell she was shocked on the way home , and told her friends about her daughter 's huge pee . A few days ago I posted my discovery as a game warden ( hope you liked it ) . That remembered me about an other " adventure " . When I was younger I worked as a handyman at a local gasstation / groceryshop . One day a woman and her daughter pulled over . The girl was nicely looking and some younger than me , but at least 18 > because she was driving . Her mother filled up the tank , while the girl walked in my direction . ' Can I use the bathroom ' , she asked somewhat embarresed . Unfortunatelly for her there were no restroom and I wasn 't allowed to let her use he personals restroom . She got back to her mom and they talked for a little while . The girl must be in a hurry now , because she was holding herself ( pressing her hand on her bottom ) . Her mother payed for the gas and got in the grocery shop . To my surprise she came back with a plastic bag of diapers ( biggest size but too small off course for her daughter ) . She gave them to her daughter . I was a little embaressed , so I pretended that I was busy . Meanwhile I didn 't miss a bit ! The girl got a diaper out of the package and pulled down her jeans and pants ( she was standing behind the open door of her car and her mom , so it was not very clear what she was doing exactly , but I knew enough . . . ) . The diaper was a littlebit small , but she managed to pull it up and she put her jeans back on . Her mom dropped the rest of the diapers into a bin and let her daughter step in next to her . She took the wheel and drove away . I 'm still wondering of the girl got home clean , or that she pooped her diaper on the ride home . I just thought I 'd post while my bladder was doing that crazy thing that it does . I 've had a lot to drink today ( it 's a lot for me , anyway ) , but I haven 't peed since I first woke up this morning ( 7 am and it 's 5 : 30 pm right now ) . I 've had a couple of bottles of water ( 20 oz . each ) , a large ocean water from Sonic ( about 48 oz . ? ) and a can of Pepsi ( 12 oz ) . I 'm pretty small and I usually can 't hold much , especially if I 'm drinking like a camel . I 'm going to guess that it 's been close to 100 oz . today and I haven 't peed at all since I started drinking all that . About 10 and a half hours . I realized that earlier and I was really surprised that I hadn 't felt the slightest need to urinate yet . Anyway , I just got in and I was looking for something in my closet when a really strong urge came from nowhere . Suddenly , I felt like I was about to wet myself , but after I held back for a few seconds , it subsided . And now I 'm back to not having to go at all . I 'm not sure what causes those sudden urges . I 'm only 16 and bladder problems aren 't that common in teens , are they ? I 'm never in any pain or anything , I just suddenly get those strange urges to pee . I was hoping that another would come back while I was online so I could time it , judge how hard it is to hold , etc . so maybe someone on here could explain this to me . But , unfortunately , I don 't have to pee at all right now . Maybe it 's because I 'm sitting down . I 'm not sure if it happened because I was standing up ( and bending over too , I believe ) , or not . Maybe that 's all it is . I 'll have to see if there 's a pattern . Doesn 't look like it 's going to happen again anytime soon , so I 'll log off for now . If anyone has an explanation / theory for this please share ! Hello again . Just wanted to say that I enjoyed girls poop 2 's story about leaving your butt a little dirty . I do that sometimes too , but mostly prefer just leaving it unwiped when I can . Sometimes I wipe standing up so that I leave the inside of my butt messy . Also , Cindy 's story ( a few pages back ) was pretty cool . I don 't usually poop anywhere but in the toilet or outside , but I do poop standing up sometimes . Today I felt like leaving the door open , sortof making it risky because anyone who walked by would see me . My parents were home today , but they were in another part of the house . I went in and peed ( standing up ) and then sat down to do the hard work . I pushed a bit and a few turds came out . I sat and peed a little more , then pulled my pants and underwear up . I 'll probably clean my ass later tonight in the shower or tomorrow . My butt isn 't extremely messy , but there 's a little poop down there . AUSSIEROD . . . . . . . . . . to Marlina re blokes peeing stories . . . . . Some months ago I was walking through a park on my way home , I had been working in a large rural town & this day was my day off so I walked down to a large man made lake surrounded by parkland . I felt the urge to piss come on me all of a sudden , I had drunk quite a bit of water as it was a hot day . As I walked on the urge became stronger & stronger & I started to look out seriously for a public toilet . Well I wasn 't looking where I was walking & tripped over a stick lying on the ground , this forced a little dribble into my shorts . I was wearing those old fashioned jogging shorts with the split up the side that have the inbuilt jox . By this time I was desperate , I was hanging onto my crotch so as not to piss my shorts , but I felt by doing this passing women might get the wrong idea . So I went into an area that was reasonably bushy , not really secluded but good enough & pretended I was looking at a tree with a view to take a photo ( I had a camera with me ) . There have been times when being reasonably well endowed has its merits , I was able to discreetly pull my inbuilt jox aside allow my penis to fall out against my left thigh whereupon I had the most enjoyable piss in ages . Unfortunately it all went down my left leg & onto my sandals & in that position I could not give it a final shake , But however it was certainly better than pissing my shorts in front of everyone in the park . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hope you enjoyed that story of pee relief , , , , , , , , , , now its your turn . . . . . bye for now Bubba - - I 'm afraid that compared to some of the accounts you come across around here , my stories will be quite lame ! I had one former girlfriend when I was younger that had a larger bladder than normal . She was a very private person , so I didn 't often pry into greater details when she would tell me about her bathroom habits . When once I did ask , she shied away immediately and I lost my chance for any further info ! I do have a few stories from what she did tell me . It was normal for her not to pee from the time she left for work until later that evening when she got home ( About 6am to 4pm normally ) . Evidently the restrooms were not up to par where she worked , and she hated public bathrooms in general . One particular day she told me about was when had to work late . She didn 't get home until around 6 : 30pm that day , and had been drinking more liquids than usual to try to get over a cold . She didn 't provide too many details , but did say that by the time she arrived home she was desperate to pee . Again , she didn 't say too much about the pee itself other than that she " didn 't know when it was going to stop . " This piqued my interest , to say the least , but I didn 't ask about it further for reasons previously explained . Hi I am from Australia I am a male , blonde hair , super fit and blue eyes . I do modelling for part time work . anyway once I got offered to do some work over the states . One of the jobs was for a webcam website thing . I deciced not to do it cos I don 't do porn . anyway I found out the other day that it could of been one of those things where they put you in a house with cameras everywhere even in the bathroom so people can watch you go all over the net . I know for a fact that I couldn 't go and do that . I turn on the shower when I go number 2 . And I even thing they make you go with the door open . And I know for a fact I couldn 't go infront of guys no way . I think I could girl infront of a girl I like or something cos I 'd be more relaxed maybe . well anyway has anyone heard of this or been asked to do this before . It 's kinda did sound good cos you stay in a really nice place with everything you can think of even tanning beds . it 's tempting but like I said I don 't do porn . : ) I 'm going to try this again as it was not posted the first time . Anna , you 've got me a little intrigued about the fact that you are in a wheelchair . I 'm curious as to why and how that affects your control of bowel and bladder . Tim ( and Sarah ) AJ : I was very interested in your childhood memories . Thanks for sharing them . That was a cute and funny story when you sat that unfortunate bridal doll into your poo , lol . I recall , when I was around five , getting a nice candy from my grandma . Sweets were rather rare at the time and I wanted to save it for a bit later . I put it into the pocket of my pants . When some of my older cousins peed together behind the barn , I wanted to be part of them and also went there . At that time I was still pulling my pants down to pee rather than going through the zip . When I did it , my sweet fell out and landed in the puddle of piss the other boys were making on the floor . While I still thought about picking it up ( it was wrapped ) and cleaning it , one of them directed his stream directly onto it and laughed . Boy , was I upset with that tosser . . . I had the strenght not to cry in front of them , but that afternoon was definately ruined ( I think now that I was lucky , he did it , cause he stop me from picking it up . . . lol ) . May I ask you , if you were frustrated , when your father explained to you that you had to sit down ? I hope it 's not a strange or rude question , but we had the problem with our daughter , who thought it was an unheard of unfairness , when she was around four . . . She also tried the same as you ( closing the labia ) . I once had to take the kids into the men 's room , cause I had diarrhoe . After my son peed into a low urinal , I asked them to wait by the sinks while I had to go . She used the moment of being unobserved for trying also to use the urinal in the above way and soaked the floor and her cloth . She was so frustrated and upset afterwards . We knew that girls could also pee standing but hesitated to teach her , as she was maybe too little to judge the situation . We solved it with the help of my sister , who lives in Africa but stayed with us at the time . She showed our little daughter in the shower of the swimming pool that a girl can pee standing , but has to spread the labia rather than holding it together . She told her to ke ( The famous ) Jimmy Ten Eyes : I really had to laugh about the way , you portrayed your certainly uncomfortable hospital stay . Having had a a few hospital experiences myself in recent years , I found it even more amusing and have to tell you that the � obsession " with your outputs was not specific for that place , but is a general interest in hospitals all over the world . Having had bowel surgery , I thought in the beginning this was a particular case , which led to discussing your anal creations with everyone from the head physician to the student apprentice like the daily weather . It is more and more dawning onto me though , that your toilet perfomances are generally the big topic , once you give yourself into those caring hands . . . After my surgery I was able to get up pretty soon again . I still had to poo into a bedpan though , which I was allowed to do in the bathroom . I sat on of this wheelchairs with a pan and afterwards had to call the nurse for a dookie presentation . The first time I made a nicely shaped turd again ( the word � stool softener " alone makes my guts rumble . . . boy , can that stuff give you a spontaneous urge to shit ! ) , I felt quite proud about it ; but when the nurse caried the pan away and told me in a very supportive way : � Well done . . . " , I suddenly felt a bit silly . . . I really laughed about your baseball card comparism . I had to think about this card game , we had as kids : You had to compare your cards with the ones of your mates and would get their cards if your plane , train or car was faster or bigger than theirs . There was this one card in the ship game that everyone was after : the air craft carrier . . . . It won in every category except for speed . I guess this would have been your BP - card ! Sounds like a good BM you had there . I once pooped out a week 's worth of constipation . It was on of the most embarrasing moments in my life , cause I had to drop my pants in front of my whole family ( but that 's another story I have told here before . . . ) . It was a BIG pile though . . . I like seeing people having to piss really badly . Women always seem to let others know just how bad they have to go . When men ( or teenage boys ) start letting others know , it 's usually because they are desparate and can 't wait much longer . There is a fast food place near where I live just off a major highway that gets lots of cars coming off a long stretch without many stops . There is also an amusement park fairly close and busloads of kids stop there to eat . One time there were a couple of bus loads and lines for the restrooms . One girl finally screamed out " I 'm going to have an accident " to he boyfriend and asked him to clear the mens room out so she could go . Lots of times people ( especially girls ) come running in , desparate to pee . The best is when they 're doubled over or unbuckling their pants as they 're heading for the door . Occasionally they come in pairs or even groups and start telling each other how bad they have to go . Across the street from this place there is a gas station and the restrooms are positioned so you can see everyone lining up . I 've witnessed numerous times when women espcially can 't get in without a key ( why they require one I don 't know ) and go through the throes of desparation . I 've never actually seen anyone have an accident , though . A few times I know people were close but always made it . I 'd be interested in finding out what was the worst other people had to pee ( or poop ) without losing it . I 've never wet myself but have had bad diarreah that led to a few accidents . As a kid we went on a long car trip one time and late in the day my parents had a fight and I had to pee so badly I actually thought about letting it go slowly so no one would know I wet my pants . We finally stopped for dinner and my mother figured out I hadn 't been to the bathroom all day and suggested I go . I barely made it . Another time I was attending a week long sleepaway summer camp in the local mountains . They took us to a ski area that ran the lifts to the top of the mountain all year . 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Frank & I have been doing genealogy for several years and we have been working a shift at the Family History Center , but had to quit due to our surgeries . Our favorite genealogy site is : Ancestry . com and we are excited that the Las Vegas Temple district has just recently been allowed to the newfamilysearch . org site . We love researching our families and have spent hours and hours doing so . We are the Family History Consultants for our Ward . The below picture was taken on a trip Frank & I made in 2000 . I was able to see this old Smith Home and meet some of my cousins on this trip . I actually visisted this old place when I was a very small child around 4 years old , and I can still remember it . As I was wandering around the old place , I felt my deceased Aunt 's presence and I could see her running around the yard playing as a small child . She was raised by the Smiths her grandparents . I was born in Salt Lake City , UT where I spent the first 20 years of my life . I graduated from West High School and went to Henager Business College , and worked at the State Road Shops in Salt Lake City . I married Larry Staley on Sept . 30 , 1960 and we had three children , Sherry , Bret , and Garen . We moved to Grantsville , UT in 1961 and lived there for three years . We moved to NV in 1964 when Garen was just four months old . We lived in Las Vegas for a few months and then moved to Overton , NV where Larry opened the Bank of Las Vegas as the bank manager . He was killed in a bank robbery in August of 1967 along with two of his bank tellers . He was 28 and I was 26 , and I was left with three small children . This was the hardest part of my life losing my husband at such a young age . I married Bud Walkington two years later . He was the husband of one of the tellers that was killed . He had two daughters , Lani and Lori . They and their children are still in my life and I love them dearly . This was an un - happy marriage and ended in 1978 . I then Married Frank Merritt and have been happily married for 31 years now . I wanted to add some more of my memories of my Aunt Kay . I sure do miss her and sometimes I feel she is close by , especially when my thoughts turn to her for no reason . She was someone I could talk to about any problem I had . She had a way of knowing when something was wrong with me and could dig out my deepest secret . Some of our family used to joke and say she should hang out her shingle . I wasn 't the only one that she could dig out problems no matter if you had no intention of telling anyone . She could read your mind I swear . She would talk you through the problem , knowing what questions to ask , and then would help you solve it . She is the reason Frank and I are together . Frank was married to Penny and Aunt Kay knew they were not happy together . She would tell Frank that we would be a good match , and then she would tell me the same thing . We had never met at the time she told us , but she had planted the seed . I am so grateful to her and Penny for Frank and I having a happy marriage of 35 years on the 25th of March . Penny will tell you that she knows God played a part in our union . If she hadn 't been with Frank and brought him out to Salt Lake City from Oklahoma , Frank and I would have never met . Frank and I know that Heavenly Father had a hand in us meeting we feel He laid out a path for us to meet . The crazy thing is that my family knew Frank before I did . Aunt Kay had a little mischievous spirit that came out every now and then . She and my cousin Lee are the reason I am afraid of the dark . When Mom took my sister and I back to North Carolina , I slept in the upstairs bedroom of the old Smith home . Aunt Kay and Lee decided to scare me in that dark room and they did a good job . I think they acted like they were ghost wrapped in sheets . I was only four at the time , and I can 't sleep to this day without a night light . I am still afraid of the dark . Aunt Kay told of the time she took one of her cousins down to the creek and they caught a frog and proceeded to dissect it . Something I could have never done as I am a lover of animals . Then there was the time I was visiting her on Marion Street when she wanted me to go out and see what their fenced in guard dog would do when I approached it . She knew I had a way with animals and wanted to see what this mean dog would do with me . He did what any guard dog who was penned up would do . He tried to attack me through the fence , just as she was going to let me go in the pen with him . Thank Heavens , she didn 't get that gate open . Then there was the time she asked me if I wanted some gum . Of course I did , and then in the night I woke up with stomach cramps , and was running to the bathroom all night long . She had given me laxative gum . I can laugh about it now , but it wasn 't funny the night it happened . Aunt Kay and I would dance and sing when I stayed with her . We loved to harmonize and sing our hearts out . She taught me that I never wanted to drink booze . I had my heart broken by a boy friend who stood me up on New Years Eve so I went over to her house to cry on her shoulder . She ended up giving me Cherry Slow Gin Fizzes , a very sweet drink . I was dancing around singing " I 'm Going to Wash That Man Right out of my Hair " making the motions of washing my hair . She recorded me and we had many laughs later when we listened to it . I was feeling good until the next morning when I woke up sicker than a dog . I thought to myself " why does anyone want to drink and then be sick , " I never drank nor had any desire to do so after that . Also I lived with alcoholic parents and I hated what it did to them , and my religion teaches us not to drink alcoholic beverages . I have seen too many of my family members destroy their lives due to Alcohol . Aunt Kay had a lot of nervous energy and would talk on the phone while walking up and down the hallway in her home on Marion St . She actually wore a path in the floor where she walked back and forth . She had one of those stretch cords on her phone that would allow her to do this . She also smoked starting the bad habit as a young girl in North Carolina where tobacco was grown . It was a common thing for kids to start smoking at young ages in the South . If it hadn 't been for her nervous energy , and staying slim , she more than likely would have passed away at a much younger age from COPD . Aunt Kay was a beautiful woman especially when she was all dressed up to go shopping , etc . I drove her to some of the places she went as she and my mom never did learn to drive . I loved to walk with her and watch all the men give her the second look . She was oblivious to the attention she was getting . I always wished I could have had her good looks , instead of being a red hair freckled faced girl . Both my Mom and Aunt Kay had black hair . When I was first pregnant with my first daughter , Aunt Kay took me to the doctor she had gone to , Dr . Latteire . I was so scared as back in those days we didn 't go to doctors very often . Then when Aunt Kay told me how good looking he was , I about ran away . I made her come into the exam room with me . He ended up being the best doctor I ever had . I even went back to him when Larry was killed . I will never forget how he came around from his desk and put his arm around me to comfort me and to talk to me . Since I had my three children all so close , he knew Larry and I quite well . In fact he even offered to come out to Grantsville and help Larry paint our new home we were building . He was a very special man . Aunt Kay was a lot like my Mom as they both loved to be outside in the summer gardening and oh how they loved their tomatoes . When I think of them , that is where I place them out in their gardens , vegetables and beautiful flowers . Both did a lot of cooking , in fact I can picture Aunt Kay behind her kitchen island stirring something on her stove , and asking you to taste it . She never felt like she was a good cook like my Mom , but she was . The only difference was that Aunt Kay had to cook what ever Uncle Gene brought home from the store and she had to be creative . Uncle Gene did all the grocery shopping , as he was a bargain shopper , and not only with groceries . When I moved to Nevada , Aunt Kay and I would talk on the phone quite often . When I visited family in Salt Lake , I spent most of my time with her . When I had a nervous breakdown I left my Nevada home and went to stay with her , and she helped me back to good health , mostly with her way of talking to me and helping me to understand my problem of a very unhappy second marriage . I loved her as a second Mom , and to this day , I miss her . One day we will have a wonderful reunion on the other side , and I will finally get to meet my grandmother Cora . When Aunt Kay moved to St . George , I was elated as then I got to see her more often . I loved visiting with her . Frank and I almost moved to St . George , and I think it was mostly because of her . I am so grateful for having her in my life especially since my Mom became an alcoholic , and wasn 't capable of taking care of her family . Aunt Kay was there to mother me , and help me through some pretty tough times , including losing my husband Larry at such a young age . When I find a penny , I always think of her and say " Aunt Kay is sending me pennies from Heaven . " Mary Kate Scoggins , known affectionately as Kay , was born on December 20 , 1929 in Siler City , North Carolina . Her parents were John Prichard Scoggins , and Cora Mae Smith . She was the fifth child . Hoyt , Lenna Aileen , ( my mother ) , Lewis Hobson , and Samuel Green , her siblings , preceded her in death . Aunt Kay was born in a small home without running water . Her family was very poor in those days as were many families . When she was old enough , one of her chores was to go to the creek and get a pail of water for household use . Her mother Cora passed away shortly after Aunt Kay 's birth from child birth complications . I was told she died from a kidney infection . I never could find a death certificate so I am not sure if it was in 1929 , or 1930 . Family members told Aunt Kay she looked just like her Mother who was a beautiful woman . Aunt Kay was nursed by her Aunt Hattie who had a baby around the same time , so she nursed both of them . She was raised by her maternal grandparents Samuel J . Smith and Susan Adalaide Campbell . Aunt Kay loved her Grandparents dearly and told many stories of her life with them . One story I remember is that Grandmother Smith would make Aunt Kay wear long stockings to school . She would get out of site of her home , and would take them off and hide them in a bush . On the way home , she would put them on again . Because of Cora 's death , the family was split up as Grandpa John could not take care of five children . Hoyt was able to stay with Aunt Kay . Different family members took in her brothers Lewis , Samuel , and her sister Lenna Aileen ( know as Leen ) , my mother . My Mom was taken in by her step grandmother Spicey Ann Scoggins and was expected to work like a horse . My Aunt Mary saw this and didn 't like it , so she ended up taking my Mom back to Salt Lake City , to live with her . In 1945 Mom took my sister , Patty and I to North Carolina to visit family . Aunt Kay had been writing Mom and begged her to come and get her . So I think one of the reasons for the trip was to bring Aunt Kay back to Salt Lake to live with our family . I think Aunt Kay was unhappy living with old fashioned grandparents . We lived in a home that was not too far from the Salt Lake City Fairgrounds located on North Temple St . and Aunt Kay slept with me . I remember she loved to read in bed at nights and this would frustrate me . I would complain to my mother and get Aunt Kay in trouble . She loved the little brat I was in spite of this . One night there was a knock on our bedroom window , and I looked out and saw a man looking in . It scared me to death , as I thought it was the bogeyman . Aunt Kay put her hand over my mouth and told me to be quite . This man turned out to be the handsome tenant in the basement apartment of our home . His name was Eugene Kocinski , who was in the army at that time . Aunt Kay would wait for me to fall asleep and sneak out to see him . When my Dad found out , he was spitting fire and I am sure had words with Gene . Dad thought Gene was too old for Aunt Kay , and wanted her to finish school . Gene was 10 years older than my Aunt . She was attending night school at West High . One night I remember Uncle Gene at the back door and both my Dad and Gene 's faces were red with anger . Dad punched him in the face . My Dad had a horrible temper and over the years I grew to hate him because of his heavy hand on my family . Aunt Kay and Uncle Gene eloped to Ely , Nevada on January 21 , 1946 where they could marry without permission as Aunt Kay was only sixteen at the time . They came back and lived in the basement apartment . I used to sneak down to their apartment for visits , as my Dad forbid me to see them . One time I got caught and got a good spanking . It still didn 't stop me from going down to the basement apartment to see them . There was always a treat for me and I loved them very much and felt their love for me . Some time in 1946 , Aunt Kay and Uncle Gene moved to Wendover , UT where Uncle Gene was stationed in the Army . As soon as he got out of the service he and a very good friend , Slim Olsen , went into a partnership running a towing truck service , coffee shop , and garage in Knolls , Utah . Aunt Kay worked in the coffee shop . Uncle Gene eventually started working for the State Road Shops . In the mean time Mom and her family moved to a duplex on 5th North , and eventually peace was made between Uncle Gene and my Dad . Uncle Gene and Aunt Kay would come to Salt Lake and stay with us . When Aunt Kay was expecting Penny her first child , they came more often for Aunt Kay 's doctor 's visits . She stayed with us in the last weeks of her pregnancy so she would be close the the hospital . Penelopoe K . Kocinski , was born on May 26 1947 . While they were still living in Knolls , Christoper , was born on September 28 , 1949 . In 1953 Penny was approaching school age , so they bought a home on 358 Marion St . in Salt Lake . While living on Marion St . John Douglas was born August 11 , 1953 . Lorri was born on July 10 , 1960 . I was married by this time and was expecting my first baby . I remember baby sitting Lorri while I was still pregnant , and I couldn 't believe what a beautiful baby she was . I spent a lot of time with my Aunt and her family on Marion St . I rode my bike from our Rose Park home to her place and spent many a weekend there . During the summer I spent several days at a time . I think my Mother was a little jealous of my closeness with Aunt Kay . Some time in the 60 's . Uncle Gene bought a home in the newer section of Rose Park , 1152 Oakley St . not too far from our home . Now the two families were closer and since there were cousins around the same age , they were at one home or another . We felt more like brothers and sisters than cousins . Aunt Kay was like my Mom as her home was always filled with the aroma of something good being cooked . A cup of coffee and a good chat were available to any visitor that came through the door . I will always remember Aunt Kay in her kitchen stirring a pot of something good to eat , or out in her garden in the summer tending to her flowers , tomatoes , and other vegetables . How she loved tomatoes . Richard Eugene was born February 27 , 1967 . He was her surprise package . She spoiled him rotten . She laid out his freshly ironed clothes for school and weighted on him hand and foot . In 1988 , Uncle Gene bought a winter home in St . George , UT and they became snowbirds . They loved their little home in St . George , even though Uncle Genes heart condition was getting worse . He loved fixing things , and puttering around just a little slower now . Aunt Kay kept her homes spotless and enjoyed furnishing and decorating her new home in St . George . After a few years of traveling back and forth , Uncle Gene had been advised by his doctor not to travel to St . George , but he didn 't listen and on his last trip , after he had unloaded the truck ; he was sitting at the bar and eating some dinner when he fell over with a massive heart attack and died right there on the floor of his St . George home on February 3 , 1995 . Aunt Kay 's health was deteriorating from COPD she had smoked since she was a small child , and was on oxygen . She eventually had to live in St . George permanently . This was hard for her as she missed her beloved neighbors Ruth , Bev , and Jim . They were more like family than friends . Aunt Kay passed away on April 19 , 2001 with her daughter Lorri at her side . She was able to die at home , this was her wish . God gave us a gift of letting her stay with us a lot longer than any of us would have guessed , and we are all grateful for this gift . Aunt Kay fought the battle right up to the end . I am sure she didn 't want to leave her loved ones here on earth . What a reunion on the other side . I visualize her mother there with open arms to hold the baby she didn 't get to be with and raise . Husband , son , brothers , sister , nephew , and friends were all there to greet her . We here on earth will miss her , but she will always be in our hearts and memories . If you are like me just mixing up a can of tuna with onions and dill pickles will remind me of her . My tomatoes plants and flowers make me think of her . It gives me peace to know that she is suffering no more and that she is smiling down on us . I know there are lots of hugs going on with all those loved ones who have been waiting for her . I can just see her dancing and singing among all the beautiful gardens of heaven . Good by for now , Aunt Kay , I love you and will miss you . God be with you until we meet again . Today is my oldest son Bret 's 50th birthday . I can 't believe that 50 years have flown by . Bret was almost a month overdue when I had him . We were living in Grantsville , Utah and Doctor Latteier wanted me closer to Salt Lake as I deliverd too fast and he was worried about me making it to the hospital . So I was staying in Salt Lake City with Grandma and Grandpa Staley . I didn 't think I was ever going to have Bret and asked Larry if I could go home for a few days . So I went back to Grantsville and was elated to be back in my own home . I cleaned the house and was making pizza when the labor pains hit . I knew I had to get to the hospital fast . We dropped off the pizza at Grant 's ( Larry 's brother ) home for them to enjoy , and we headed to the Holy Cross hospital in Salt Lake . Dr . Latteier was waiting for me as we had called to let him know I was in labor . He was worried about me making it especially since there was fire or wreck , ( I can 't remember which would affect the direction we were driving . Luckily , we had the radio on , and there was a news break about it ; so Larry was able to drive around it and we made it to the hospital . My labor had started somewhere around 5 : PM and Bret was born at 7 : 43 PM . It was a real hard delivery , and I begged to have Larry there with me . Later Larry told me he would have never been able to handle it and would have more than likely passed out . In those days no one was allowed in the delivery room . While I was having such a hard time , I felt myself floating into unconsciousness and I let go of the bars that you hung onto . They would make a clanking noise as you pulled on them with each pain . Then all of a sudden I felt my self rising from my body and I can 't explain how wonderful I felt . I could hear someone saying " We are losing her " ! ! And then all of a sudden I felt a jolt or shock and I was back into my body racked with labor pain . I never thought about the experience again until Larry was killed in the bank robbery and my Aunt Mary came to be with me . She told me that Larry had told her a long time ago that I had almost died having Bret . Then the experience I had came back to me and it all made sense . Why I was never told , I will never know to this day . The following are pictures of Bret . Bret always loved Pizza and I told him it was because I was making pizza the day he was born and he could smell it and decided it was time to make his entrance into the world . Bret is really sick in bed with pneumonia . One of the first times he was sick . He never got sick when he was a young kid . I saw this on facebook today and really liked it . This is how I have always felt about family . We have problems that lead to saying things that we shouldn 't , but in the end we get over it and still love one another unconditionally . I was wrong in thinking this would happen with extended family , and wish with all my heart that it was true . Why do we sometimes think we are perfect when someone has offended us , maybe thinking that we have never done or said anything to hurt others ? I know I have made more mistakes in life than I care to count , but if I am wrong , I am willing to admit it and ask for forgiveness , but for some reason this isn 't enough , and the forgiveness is not accepted . Life can sure be one big puzzle . I guess why this is hitting home for me today is that the other night I had a dream that a family member invited me for a talk , and when I got there , this family member turned on me and wasn 't willing to forgive and forget . It was so real and I am still trying to analyze the dream . I woke up in a sweat . Maybe we both are afraid of the outcome of trying to talk in person and forgive . Posted by This morning my friend , more like a sister , called to let me know that she is having surgery tomorrow . She will get a phone call later from the hospital letting her know when . I was glad to hear from her as I tried to call her last Saturday and no one answered . After the surgery , she is going to have radiation treatments for five days a week and I think she said for a month maybe longer ? This will be in St . George and so they are thinking about taking their travel trailer over to an RV park so they won 't have to travel back and forth . Charlie , her husband has Parkinson 's Disease and is in a lot of pain so this is going to be hard on him . I am hoping and praying for my friend that they will be able to cure her . It has been hard on her family and she worries more about them than herself , but that is the kind of person she is . She has been a wonderful friend to me for many years . Our kids grew up together and we have gone through a lot of trials together . This will be another one for us to go through . I am thinking positive and feel the outcome will be good . I also got some bad news from my sister in law that her lung cancer has found a way to get around the treatment she was having . She will be going into a test study and taking a new medication soon . They have been able to keep the cancer at bay for four years now so I am hoping and praying the new medicine will do the same and give her some more time on this earth to enjoy her family and friends . The good news is that it won 't cost them anything . She is amazing as she has worked through all the treatments , and has such a good positive attitude which I am sure has helped her make it through it all and will continue to help her through this next phase . I haven 't heard what kind of treatment my cousin will be having for his lung cancer . For some reason they can 't operate on him to do a biopsy , and they are going to do some kind of testing to see how bad it is . He has been a smoker most of his life , and I am sure this is what caused the cancer . We are hoping to spend some time with him soon in St . George . Who knows how much longer he has on this earth ? Well , I hope to post something fun on my next post . My great granddaughter is here for a day and I hope to get some pictures of her . She is so much fun . Posted by Bret and his family helped me celebrate my birthday early as I had to have a Angiogram on my birthday . Bret treated us to Los Lupies our favorite Mexican restaurant . I am looking a little pale as I had a day of testing the day before at my cardiologist office . It was an all day thing . The worst test was the Chemical Stress Test . I almost didn 't post the birthday pictures as I look horrible and looks like a bad hair day . The wind was blowing , but the rest of the family looks so good I decided to post them any way . Merritt and Me ( I don 't know when I will get to see Merritt again as he has moved to Texas where he is working . He left on my birthday February 12 . I will miss seeing him . ) On my birthday I headed for the UMC Heart Care Center . We got up early as I had to check in and was supposed to be there by 8 : AM . My test was scheduled for 10 : AM , but that was changed to 10 : 30 AM . When everyone found out it was my birthday by looking at my chart , I was given many Happy Birthday wishes . I told the nurse I was hoping for the best birthday preset of having a good heart . When I was in the Cath lab , everyone was busy hooking me up to an IV and getting me ready for the test . I had told my doctor I didn 't want to watch the process as I am a big stresser . Frank told the nurse to make sure and give me something to make me groggy . They gave me some shots around the area of entry so I couldn 't feel the pain . Then my doctor came in and started the process of looking at my veins in my heart . They did give me something in my IV that made me feel relaxed right before the doctor started the procedure . I was in for a surprise as it wasn 't really that bad . Then the wonderful news came that I had no blockages , nor plaque . I was elated . While I was in the Cath lab , one of the nurses wished me a Happy Birthday over a sound system . I told everyone that to have a good heart was the best birthday present ever . The worst part of the whole thing was I was leaking blood at the entry site , and had to lay flat a few hours longer than normal . I couldn 't move my right leg at all , and had to be on my back for four hours . It was so nice when it was over and I could walk out of the hospital and head for home . It was nice to have Bret , Laura , and Sierra come to my home and see how I was doing and they all wished me a Happy Birthday . The bad thing was that I ended up with the bug that is going around , and was sick for a good two weeks . It was similar to the bug I had at Christmas . I am still coughing , and on top of that allergy season has started . Frank wants me to go see my doctor about the cough . I had a horrible night last night not sleeping too well , and then the coughing began . I had to go and sit up in my recliner for a while and then spent a couple of hours on the couch . When we got home there was a message on our phone from Shirley , Frank 's sister . She wanted him to call her , which he did . Harold had died on Monday when they unhooked him from life support . Needless to say Frank was feeling bad and I held him while he cried . He and his brother were so close these past few years . |
Frank & I have been doing genealogy for several years and we have been working a shift at the Family History Center , but had to quit due to our surgeries . Our favorite genealogy site is : Ancestry . com and we are excited that the Las Vegas Temple district has just recently been allowed to the newfamilysearch . org site . We love researching our families and have spent hours and hours doing so . We are the Family History Consultants for our Ward . The below picture was taken on a trip Frank & I made in 2000 . I was able to see this old Smith Home and meet some of my cousins on this trip . I actually visisted this old place when I was a very small child around 4 years old , and I can still remember it . As I was wandering around the old place , I felt my deceased Aunt 's presence and I could see her running around the yard playing as a small child . She was raised by the Smiths her grandparents . I was born in Salt Lake City , UT where I spent the first 20 years of my life . I graduated from West High School and went to Henager Business College , and worked at the State Road Shops in Salt Lake City . I married Larry Staley on Sept . 30 , 1960 and we had three children , Sherry , Bret , and Garen . We moved to Grantsville , UT in 1961 and lived there for three years . We moved to NV in 1964 when Garen was just four months old . We lived in Las Vegas for a few months and then moved to Overton , NV where Larry opened the Bank of Las Vegas as the bank manager . He was killed in a bank robbery in August of 1967 along with two of his bank tellers . He was 28 and I was 26 , and I was left with three small children . This was the hardest part of my life losing my husband at such a young age . I married Bud Walkington two years later . He was the husband of one of the tellers that was killed . He had two daughters , Lani and Lori . They and their children are still in my life and I love them dearly . This was an un - happy marriage and ended in 1978 . I then Married Frank Merritt and have been happily married for 31 years now . I wanted to add some more of my memories of my Aunt Kay . I sure do miss her and sometimes I feel she is close by , especially when my thoughts turn to her for no reason . She was someone I could talk to about any problem I had . She had a way of knowing when something was wrong with me and could dig out my deepest secret . Some of our family used to joke and say she should hang out her shingle . I wasn 't the only one that she could dig out problems no matter if you had no intention of telling anyone . She could read your mind I swear . She would talk you through the problem , knowing what questions to ask , and then would help you solve it . She is the reason Frank and I are together . Frank was married to Penny and Aunt Kay knew they were not happy together . She would tell Frank that we would be a good match , and then she would tell me the same thing . We had never met at the time she told us , but she had planted the seed . I am so grateful to her and Penny for Frank and I having a happy marriage of 35 years on the 25th of March . Penny will tell you that she knows God played a part in our union . If she hadn 't been with Frank and brought him out to Salt Lake City from Oklahoma , Frank and I would have never met . Frank and I know that Heavenly Father had a hand in us meeting we feel He laid out a path for us to meet . The crazy thing is that my family knew Frank before I did . Aunt Kay had a little mischievous spirit that came out every now and then . She and my cousin Lee are the reason I am afraid of the dark . When Mom took my sister and I back to North Carolina , I slept in the upstairs bedroom of the old Smith home . Aunt Kay and Lee decided to scare me in that dark room and they did a good job . I think they acted like they were ghost wrapped in sheets . I was only four at the time , and I can 't sleep to this day without a night light . I am still afraid of the dark . Aunt Kay told of the time she took one of her cousins down to the creek and they caught a frog and proceeded to dissect it . Something I could have never done as I am a lover of animals . Then there was the time I was visiting her on Marion Street when she wanted me to go out and see what their fenced in guard dog would do when I approached it . She knew I had a way with animals and wanted to see what this mean dog would do with me . He did what any guard dog who was penned up would do . He tried to attack me through the fence , just as she was going to let me go in the pen with him . Thank Heavens , she didn 't get that gate open . Then there was the time she asked me if I wanted some gum . Of course I did , and then in the night I woke up with stomach cramps , and was running to the bathroom all night long . She had given me laxative gum . I can laugh about it now , but it wasn 't funny the night it happened . Aunt Kay and I would dance and sing when I stayed with her . We loved to harmonize and sing our hearts out . She taught me that I never wanted to drink booze . I had my heart broken by a boy friend who stood me up on New Years Eve so I went over to her house to cry on her shoulder . She ended up giving me Cherry Slow Gin Fizzes , a very sweet drink . I was dancing around singing " I 'm Going to Wash That Man Right out of my Hair " making the motions of washing my hair . She recorded me and we had many laughs later when we listened to it . I was feeling good until the next morning when I woke up sicker than a dog . I thought to myself " why does anyone want to drink and then be sick , " I never drank nor had any desire to do so after that . Also I lived with alcoholic parents and I hated what it did to them , and my religion teaches us not to drink alcoholic beverages . I have seen too many of my family members destroy their lives due to Alcohol . Aunt Kay had a lot of nervous energy and would talk on the phone while walking up and down the hallway in her home on Marion St . She actually wore a path in the floor where she walked back and forth . She had one of those stretch cords on her phone that would allow her to do this . She also smoked starting the bad habit as a young girl in North Carolina where tobacco was grown . It was a common thing for kids to start smoking at young ages in the South . If it hadn 't been for her nervous energy , and staying slim , she more than likely would have passed away at a much younger age from COPD . Aunt Kay was a beautiful woman especially when she was all dressed up to go shopping , etc . I drove her to some of the places she went as she and my mom never did learn to drive . I loved to walk with her and watch all the men give her the second look . She was oblivious to the attention she was getting . I always wished I could have had her good looks , instead of being a red hair freckled faced girl . Both my Mom and Aunt Kay had black hair . When I was first pregnant with my first daughter , Aunt Kay took me to the doctor she had gone to , Dr . Latteire . I was so scared as back in those days we didn 't go to doctors very often . Then when Aunt Kay told me how good looking he was , I about ran away . I made her come into the exam room with me . He ended up being the best doctor I ever had . I even went back to him when Larry was killed . I will never forget how he came around from his desk and put his arm around me to comfort me and to talk to me . Since I had my three children all so close , he knew Larry and I quite well . In fact he even offered to come out to Grantsville and help Larry paint our new home we were building . He was a very special man . Aunt Kay was a lot like my Mom as they both loved to be outside in the summer gardening and oh how they loved their tomatoes . When I think of them , that is where I place them out in their gardens , vegetables and beautiful flowers . Both did a lot of cooking , in fact I can picture Aunt Kay behind her kitchen island stirring something on her stove , and asking you to taste it . She never felt like she was a good cook like my Mom , but she was . The only difference was that Aunt Kay had to cook what ever Uncle Gene brought home from the store and she had to be creative . Uncle Gene did all the grocery shopping , as he was a bargain shopper , and not only with groceries . When I moved to Nevada , Aunt Kay and I would talk on the phone quite often . When I visited family in Salt Lake , I spent most of my time with her . When I had a nervous breakdown I left my Nevada home and went to stay with her , and she helped me back to good health , mostly with her way of talking to me and helping me to understand my problem of a very unhappy second marriage . I loved her as a second Mom , and to this day , I miss her . One day we will have a wonderful reunion on the other side , and I will finally get to meet my grandmother Cora . When Aunt Kay moved to St . George , I was elated as then I got to see her more often . I loved visiting with her . Frank and I almost moved to St . George , and I think it was mostly because of her . I am so grateful for having her in my life especially since my Mom became an alcoholic , and wasn 't capable of taking care of her family . Aunt Kay was there to mother me , and help me through some pretty tough times , including losing my husband Larry at such a young age . When I find a penny , I always think of her and say " Aunt Kay is sending me pennies from Heaven . " Mary Kate Scoggins , known affectionately as Kay , was born on December 20 , 1929 in Siler City , North Carolina . Her parents were John Prichard Scoggins , and Cora Mae Smith . She was the fifth child . Hoyt , Lenna Aileen , ( my mother ) , Lewis Hobson , and Samuel Green , her siblings , preceded her in death . Aunt Kay was born in a small home without running water . Her family was very poor in those days as were many families . When she was old enough , one of her chores was to go to the creek and get a pail of water for household use . Her mother Cora passed away shortly after Aunt Kay 's birth from child birth complications . I was told she died from a kidney infection . I never could find a death certificate so I am not sure if it was in 1929 , or 1930 . Family members told Aunt Kay she looked just like her Mother who was a beautiful woman . Aunt Kay was nursed by her Aunt Hattie who had a baby around the same time , so she nursed both of them . She was raised by her maternal grandparents Samuel J . Smith and Susan Adalaide Campbell . Aunt Kay loved her Grandparents dearly and told many stories of her life with them . One story I remember is that Grandmother Smith would make Aunt Kay wear long stockings to school . She would get out of site of her home , and would take them off and hide them in a bush . On the way home , she would put them on again . Because of Cora 's death , the family was split up as Grandpa John could not take care of five children . Hoyt was able to stay with Aunt Kay . Different family members took in her brothers Lewis , Samuel , and her sister Lenna Aileen ( know as Leen ) , my mother . My Mom was taken in by her step grandmother Spicey Ann Scoggins and was expected to work like a horse . My Aunt Mary saw this and didn 't like it , so she ended up taking my Mom back to Salt Lake City , to live with her . In 1945 Mom took my sister , Patty and I to North Carolina to visit family . Aunt Kay had been writing Mom and begged her to come and get her . So I think one of the reasons for the trip was to bring Aunt Kay back to Salt Lake to live with our family . I think Aunt Kay was unhappy living with old fashioned grandparents . We lived in a home that was not too far from the Salt Lake City Fairgrounds located on North Temple St . and Aunt Kay slept with me . I remember she loved to read in bed at nights and this would frustrate me . I would complain to my mother and get Aunt Kay in trouble . She loved the little brat I was in spite of this . One night there was a knock on our bedroom window , and I looked out and saw a man looking in . It scared me to death , as I thought it was the bogeyman . Aunt Kay put her hand over my mouth and told me to be quite . This man turned out to be the handsome tenant in the basement apartment of our home . His name was Eugene Kocinski , who was in the army at that time . Aunt Kay would wait for me to fall asleep and sneak out to see him . When my Dad found out , he was spitting fire and I am sure had words with Gene . Dad thought Gene was too old for Aunt Kay , and wanted her to finish school . Gene was 10 years older than my Aunt . She was attending night school at West High . One night I remember Uncle Gene at the back door and both my Dad and Gene 's faces were red with anger . Dad punched him in the face . My Dad had a horrible temper and over the years I grew to hate him because of his heavy hand on my family . Aunt Kay and Uncle Gene eloped to Ely , Nevada on January 21 , 1946 where they could marry without permission as Aunt Kay was only sixteen at the time . They came back and lived in the basement apartment . I used to sneak down to their apartment for visits , as my Dad forbid me to see them . One time I got caught and got a good spanking . It still didn 't stop me from going down to the basement apartment to see them . There was always a treat for me and I loved them very much and felt their love for me . Some time in 1946 , Aunt Kay and Uncle Gene moved to Wendover , UT where Uncle Gene was stationed in the Army . As soon as he got out of the service he and a very good friend , Slim Olsen , went into a partnership running a towing truck service , coffee shop , and garage in Knolls , Utah . Aunt Kay worked in the coffee shop . Uncle Gene eventually started working for the State Road Shops . In the mean time Mom and her family moved to a duplex on 5th North , and eventually peace was made between Uncle Gene and my Dad . Uncle Gene and Aunt Kay would come to Salt Lake and stay with us . When Aunt Kay was expecting Penny her first child , they came more often for Aunt Kay 's doctor 's visits . She stayed with us in the last weeks of her pregnancy so she would be close the the hospital . Penelopoe K . Kocinski , was born on May 26 1947 . While they were still living in Knolls , Christoper , was born on September 28 , 1949 . In 1953 Penny was approaching school age , so they bought a home on 358 Marion St . in Salt Lake . While living on Marion St . John Douglas was born August 11 , 1953 . Lorri was born on July 10 , 1960 . I was married by this time and was expecting my first baby . I remember baby sitting Lorri while I was still pregnant , and I couldn 't believe what a beautiful baby she was . I spent a lot of time with my Aunt and her family on Marion St . I rode my bike from our Rose Park home to her place and spent many a weekend there . During the summer I spent several days at a time . I think my Mother was a little jealous of my closeness with Aunt Kay . Some time in the 60 's . Uncle Gene bought a home in the newer section of Rose Park , 1152 Oakley St . not too far from our home . Now the two families were closer and since there were cousins around the same age , they were at one home or another . We felt more like brothers and sisters than cousins . Aunt Kay was like my Mom as her home was always filled with the aroma of something good being cooked . A cup of coffee and a good chat were available to any visitor that came through the door . I will always remember Aunt Kay in her kitchen stirring a pot of something good to eat , or out in her garden in the summer tending to her flowers , tomatoes , and other vegetables . How she loved tomatoes . Richard Eugene was born February 27 , 1967 . He was her surprise package . She spoiled him rotten . She laid out his freshly ironed clothes for school and weighted on him hand and foot . In 1988 , Uncle Gene bought a winter home in St . George , UT and they became snowbirds . They loved their little home in St . George , even though Uncle Genes heart condition was getting worse . He loved fixing things , and puttering around just a little slower now . Aunt Kay kept her homes spotless and enjoyed furnishing and decorating her new home in St . George . After a few years of traveling back and forth , Uncle Gene had been advised by his doctor not to travel to St . George , but he didn 't listen and on his last trip , after he had unloaded the truck ; he was sitting at the bar and eating some dinner when he fell over with a massive heart attack and died right there on the floor of his St . George home on February 3 , 1995 . Aunt Kay 's health was deteriorating from COPD she had smoked since she was a small child , and was on oxygen . She eventually had to live in St . George permanently . This was hard for her as she missed her beloved neighbors Ruth , Bev , and Jim . They were more like family than friends . Aunt Kay passed away on April 19 , 2001 with her daughter Lorri at her side . She was able to die at home , this was her wish . God gave us a gift of letting her stay with us a lot longer than any of us would have guessed , and we are all grateful for this gift . Aunt Kay fought the battle right up to the end . I am sure she didn 't want to leave her loved ones here on earth . What a reunion on the other side . I visualize her mother there with open arms to hold the baby she didn 't get to be with and raise . Husband , son , brothers , sister , nephew , and friends were all there to greet her . We here on earth will miss her , but she will always be in our hearts and memories . If you are like me just mixing up a can of tuna with onions and dill pickles will remind me of her . My tomatoes plants and flowers make me think of her . It gives me peace to know that she is suffering no more and that she is smiling down on us . I know there are lots of hugs going on with all those loved ones who have been waiting for her . I can just see her dancing and singing among all the beautiful gardens of heaven . Good by for now , Aunt Kay , I love you and will miss you . God be with you until we meet again . Today is my oldest son Bret 's 50th birthday . I can 't believe that 50 years have flown by . Bret was almost a month overdue when I had him . We were living in Grantsville , Utah and Doctor Latteier wanted me closer to Salt Lake as I deliverd too fast and he was worried about me making it to the hospital . So I was staying in Salt Lake City with Grandma and Grandpa Staley . I didn 't think I was ever going to have Bret and asked Larry if I could go home for a few days . So I went back to Grantsville and was elated to be back in my own home . I cleaned the house and was making pizza when the labor pains hit . I knew I had to get to the hospital fast . We dropped off the pizza at Grant 's ( Larry 's brother ) home for them to enjoy , and we headed to the Holy Cross hospital in Salt Lake . Dr . Latteier was waiting for me as we had called to let him know I was in labor . He was worried about me making it especially since there was fire or wreck , ( I can 't remember which would affect the direction we were driving . Luckily , we had the radio on , and there was a news break about it ; so Larry was able to drive around it and we made it to the hospital . My labor had started somewhere around 5 : PM and Bret was born at 7 : 43 PM . It was a real hard delivery , and I begged to have Larry there with me . Later Larry told me he would have never been able to handle it and would have more than likely passed out . In those days no one was allowed in the delivery room . While I was having such a hard time , I felt myself floating into unconsciousness and I let go of the bars that you hung onto . They would make a clanking noise as you pulled on them with each pain . Then all of a sudden I felt my self rising from my body and I can 't explain how wonderful I felt . I could hear someone saying " We are losing her " ! ! And then all of a sudden I felt a jolt or shock and I was back into my body racked with labor pain . I never thought about the experience again until Larry was killed in the bank robbery and my Aunt Mary came to be with me . She told me that Larry had told her a long time ago that I had almost died having Bret . Then the experience I had came back to me and it all made sense . Why I was never told , I will never know to this day . The following are pictures of Bret . Bret always loved Pizza and I told him it was because I was making pizza the day he was born and he could smell it and decided it was time to make his entrance into the world . Bret is really sick in bed with pneumonia . One of the first times he was sick . He never got sick when he was a young kid . I saw this on facebook today and really liked it . This is how I have always felt about family . We have problems that lead to saying things that we shouldn 't , but in the end we get over it and still love one another unconditionally . I was wrong in thinking this would happen with extended family , and wish with all my heart that it was true . Why do we sometimes think we are perfect when someone has offended us , maybe thinking that we have never done or said anything to hurt others ? I know I have made more mistakes in life than I care to count , but if I am wrong , I am willing to admit it and ask for forgiveness , but for some reason this isn 't enough , and the forgiveness is not accepted . Life can sure be one big puzzle . I guess why this is hitting home for me today is that the other night I had a dream that a family member invited me for a talk , and when I got there , this family member turned on me and wasn 't willing to forgive and forget . It was so real and I am still trying to analyze the dream . I woke up in a sweat . Maybe we both are afraid of the outcome of trying to talk in person and forgive . Posted by This morning my friend , more like a sister , called to let me know that she is having surgery tomorrow . She will get a phone call later from the hospital letting her know when . I was glad to hear from her as I tried to call her last Saturday and no one answered . After the surgery , she is going to have radiation treatments for five days a week and I think she said for a month maybe longer ? This will be in St . George and so they are thinking about taking their travel trailer over to an RV park so they won 't have to travel back and forth . Charlie , her husband has Parkinson 's Disease and is in a lot of pain so this is going to be hard on him . I am hoping and praying for my friend that they will be able to cure her . It has been hard on her family and she worries more about them than herself , but that is the kind of person she is . She has been a wonderful friend to me for many years . Our kids grew up together and we have gone through a lot of trials together . This will be another one for us to go through . I am thinking positive and feel the outcome will be good . I also got some bad news from my sister in law that her lung cancer has found a way to get around the treatment she was having . She will be going into a test study and taking a new medication soon . They have been able to keep the cancer at bay for four years now so I am hoping and praying the new medicine will do the same and give her some more time on this earth to enjoy her family and friends . The good news is that it won 't cost them anything . She is amazing as she has worked through all the treatments , and has such a good positive attitude which I am sure has helped her make it through it all and will continue to help her through this next phase . I haven 't heard what kind of treatment my cousin will be having for his lung cancer . For some reason they can 't operate on him to do a biopsy , and they are going to do some kind of testing to see how bad it is . He has been a smoker most of his life , and I am sure this is what caused the cancer . We are hoping to spend some time with him soon in St . George . Who knows how much longer he has on this earth ? Well , I hope to post something fun on my next post . My great granddaughter is here for a day and I hope to get some pictures of her . She is so much fun . Posted by Bret and his family helped me celebrate my birthday early as I had to have a Angiogram on my birthday . Bret treated us to Los Lupies our favorite Mexican restaurant . I am looking a little pale as I had a day of testing the day before at my cardiologist office . It was an all day thing . The worst test was the Chemical Stress Test . I almost didn 't post the birthday pictures as I look horrible and looks like a bad hair day . The wind was blowing , but the rest of the family looks so good I decided to post them any way . Merritt and Me ( I don 't know when I will get to see Merritt again as he has moved to Texas where he is working . He left on my birthday February 12 . I will miss seeing him . ) On my birthday I headed for the UMC Heart Care Center . We got up early as I had to check in and was supposed to be there by 8 : AM . My test was scheduled for 10 : AM , but that was changed to 10 : 30 AM . When everyone found out it was my birthday by looking at my chart , I was given many Happy Birthday wishes . I told the nurse I was hoping for the best birthday preset of having a good heart . When I was in the Cath lab , everyone was busy hooking me up to an IV and getting me ready for the test . I had told my doctor I didn 't want to watch the process as I am a big stresser . Frank told the nurse to make sure and give me something to make me groggy . They gave me some shots around the area of entry so I couldn 't feel the pain . Then my doctor came in and started the process of looking at my veins in my heart . They did give me something in my IV that made me feel relaxed right before the doctor started the procedure . I was in for a surprise as it wasn 't really that bad . Then the wonderful news came that I had no blockages , nor plaque . I was elated . While I was in the Cath lab , one of the nurses wished me a Happy Birthday over a sound system . I told everyone that to have a good heart was the best birthday present ever . The worst part of the whole thing was I was leaking blood at the entry site , and had to lay flat a few hours longer than normal . I couldn 't move my right leg at all , and had to be on my back for four hours . It was so nice when it was over and I could walk out of the hospital and head for home . It was nice to have Bret , Laura , and Sierra come to my home and see how I was doing and they all wished me a Happy Birthday . The bad thing was that I ended up with the bug that is going around , and was sick for a good two weeks . It was similar to the bug I had at Christmas . I am still coughing , and on top of that allergy season has started . Frank wants me to go see my doctor about the cough . I had a horrible night last night not sleeping too well , and then the coughing began . I had to go and sit up in my recliner for a while and then spent a couple of hours on the couch . When we got home there was a message on our phone from Shirley , Frank 's sister . She wanted him to call her , which he did . Harold had died on Monday when they unhooked him from life support . Needless to say Frank was feeling bad and I held him while he cried . He and his brother were so close these past few years . |
Where It ( Kinda ) Begins I always hear that everyone has a past . Everyone has a story to tell , and everyone has been through something that someone else has related to . But , what happens when you are only 23 years old and you have nobody to share these experiences with ? What happens when you don 't know how to get better and you don 't know how to make everyone happy ? I love so many people and I don 't want them to watch me kill myself anymore . I am slowly dying and I am only 23 years old . I choose every single morning and throughout my day to slowly kill myself . It is like I don 't know this person who makes these choices . I am taken over and someone else is living my life . I wake up to people literally hating me . I literally hate myself sometimes . I am not ready to die . I use to live by the this , Fairytales are dead . I don 't even know what that means anymore . I made that up when I was 13 . To tell you the truth me being alive right now is my fairytale . The truth is I should have died a long time ago . I used to be excited for death . I was actually raised in church . I strongly believe in God . I always have and I know that he is always with me . But , I also know that God does not want me to take my own life . He has a path that he wants to live . There is a reason that I am alive ! I still don 't know why I am alive . I think one day I will know , and when I know I want to say that Fairytales aren 't dead . I hope one day to look back on these words and to say that there was a reason that I lived . My story begins the first time that I fell in love with alcohol . This is what slowly decided to take my life and destroy me . It took away over two years of my life . It filled the void of being rejected . It helped with my first breakup . I remember that he left me without no explanation , and that always hurt me the most . He disappeared . After telling me that he wanted to spend his life with me , he wanted to have children with me , and he wanted me forever . I was only 20 years old when I met this man . And , he will never know the effects that he had on me . I can still remember me meeting him for the first time , and I never believed that he would like me . He did , though . I am no longer going to try to make this sound romantic . What he did was wrong . He tried to make me have sex with him . I was a virgin at 20 years old , and he saw the chance to get in my pants . He said all the right words at all the right times . He was adorable , and I will never forget the way I felt about him . Falling in love for the first time is one of the best feelings in the world and it is something that you are never going to forget . But once it is gone , and it is really gone , you have to find a way to fill that void . And , I choose alcohol . We never had sex . Once he seen that I was real about that , he left , and I cried . And , I spent a long time blaming myself . I was turning 21 when he left . I sent the last text message to him when I was turning 21 . I spent weeks , months , and valuable time trying to forget him with alcohol . I would cry to my mother , to my friends , to strangers , to anyone about him ! I would lay in my shower and cry until I couldn 't cry anymore . I would wake up thinking about him and fall asleep thinking about him . I would send him messages randomly . Hoping he would answer . Sometimes , he actually would . Sometimes , he would act the same . Other times , he just wanted nudes . I can never blame a person for my addiction . It was definitely the start of one , though . That was the point where I did not care anymore . I would drink in my closet . I would drink in the middle of the day . And , I would drink in the morning . I would be throwing up in the kitchen sink and crying in front of my mom . Months went by , the alcohol followed . It followed me to the bars . Where I made out with men that are over their 40 's and police officers in the small town that I was from . I tried to fill his place with other guys . For some reason , that was the only thing that ever made me feel the slightest better . I spent the New Year of 2015 , in a bar . I met a guy . I made out with him in front of people . I fooled around with him in a car , and giggled about my virginity in his ear . The next morning , I had texts from him and I was confused . I don 't want anyone but the guy I first loved . It was so stupid for me to think like this . It was so stupid for me to always trying to finding guys to feel the void of whatever I was missing . And you know what that was ? That was the love I had for myself . It was completely something that did not exist . How sad for me to even say . And , I constantly think of that feeling that I do not have . This hate for myself . Why am I so willing to throw myself at men who do not care for me in the slightest ? Why do I care so much about relationships that lead me to nothing but damage ? How did a hate become my love for alcohol ? Hi . My name is Courtney . I am 23 years old . I am an alcoholic . I am not ashamed of myself anymore . I am ready to heal . I am ready to discover my identity . I am ready to tell my story . I am ready to heal . I am ready to love myself . Author fairytalesarentdeadPosted on March 29 , 2017Tags alcoholic , blog , destruction , healing , life , love , personal , relationships , self harm , sharing , story , suicide , survivorLeave a comment on Where It ( Kinda ) Begins Tired I 'm not really physically tired . I am mentally tired . I feel like I fighting an uphill battle that I have been losing for so long . . I wish that I could go back in time . I know that I probably mentioned that before , but I really mean it . The place I am in life is almost like everything I wouldn 't want to be at this age . Each day is so fast , and a lot of days I don 't remember due to blacking out from alcohol , or passing out from alcohol , or just being a dumb alcoholic . I have been doing better with my alcohol intake . I still drink a lot but I haven 't been getting as trashed as I did in the past . I guess it 's baby steps for me . I don 't really sit there and think about it all day or all night if I don 't have any . Then , I will reward myself by drinking . When I drink I picture myself dying . I don 't know why it has this negative effect on me . I imagine that is something that runs in my blood . My uncle ( father 's brother ) was very into drugs and alcohol at a young age . He is still living , but he is living in prison for murdering his lover . What if that is going to be me ? I become so incredibly violent when I drink . I fear that I will wake up in a cell , and never leave again . I fear that this is my life . I fear it and I live in constant fear . I don 't know why I can 't change . It might be because I don 't have the willpower . I pray that I am not mentally ill and I just won 't ever get better . I hope this is the little moment in my life where I have lost myself so completely but I am going to find myself again . I have been stuck in this place for almost 3 years . Even before alcohol , I had issues . I was always depressed , crying in the shower , cutting myself , burning myself , trying to lose weight , and wanting to wake up and become someone else . The worst part of it all is that I sit here day after day waiting to get better . I wait for someone to make my life better and for all of this to make sense . It isn 't . Author fairytalesarentdeadPosted on June 12 , 2017Tags addict , addiction , alcoholic , blog , depression , life , personal , storyLeave a comment on Tired Losing My Mind Well , waking up in a hospital without your phone , in blue paper scrubs , and surrounded by at least 30 people in a big room is not the right way to wake up . The first worry that morning was that I was stuck and I finally was were I was supposed to be . Well , I was in the part of the hospital that people made jokes about . You guessed it , I was in the pysch ward . I got up and waddled to the guard who was watching all of us . " Can I have my phone ? " I asked him . He was extremely cute . He was tall , dark blue eyes , and dark hair . He had a cute little gap between his teeth . And , I couldn 't believe I was standing in front of this cute boy in blue paper scrubs . Without a bra . And my hair was a mess . He shook his head . I asked if he could walk me outside to smoke a cigarette . Nope . I walked back to my bed and looked around . I was stuck with the crazy people . I was the crazy people . A lot of people laid in their beds . Some , cried . Cried for oxygen because he couldn 't breath . One was calling me " pretty girl " . Another one was screaming at the staff . Another , walking around in a blanket and staring at everyone like we were the answer to life . If you aren 't crazy or think you are go ahead and spend 15 minutes here . You will believe you are crazy . Being held under medical care was probably one of the most frustrating things of my life . I was brought into this huge room and asked for the doctor over and over again . I wanted to go home . I had to be at work by 3 and it was 8 a . m . I was going to sue the place . I was going to walk out . " Don 't act like a donkey , again . " One of the floor techs told me . Why was I being held ? How did I get out ? What were my legal rights ? Where the fuck was my doctor ? Why did I have to wait so fucking long to see him or her ? Why were my nurses prescribing me xanax to calm down ? Why am I in this fucking room with 30 other crazy patients ? Finally , after asking 10 times , the nurse came and asked me a million questions . Did I want to die ? Did I do drugs ? Why did I feel the need to drink ? Why was I so violent last night ? Why did I escape the hospital and go missing for over 5 hours ? Why did I threaten to kill myself ? Why was I here ? Have I ever been diagnosed with any mental disorders ? Was I abused ? I wanted to die because I was numb ! I have no more fucking feelings anymore ! I felt the need to drink because that is the one thing that can make me feel alive . I was violent because you crazy people strapped me down to a bed and I screamed until they finally knocked me out with drugs ! I escaped because I wanted to drink more . I mean I was being held against my will anyways . I wanted to die , duh . I wanted to die . I have anxiety . Yes , in fact , sexually and physical . You 're point . Can I go home now ? My sister wanted to go shopping for cars . I was living in a 2 bedroom trailer with 9 people and 2 dogs . My fucking bedroom was in the living room , my bed was literally in the living , and I shared it with my sister . I was working a barely above minimum paying job , and I was stressed out beyond you 're imagination . It was August , and it was hot out , and I also lived in South Carolina . I was excited to go car shopping with my sister . I took at least 4 Xanaxs before we left the house . By the time we hit town , I was buying alcohol . Let 's remember it was only 1 p . m . I was fucked up . And , well , I didn 't care . We went to car place after car place . I was starting to black out at this point . I was stumbling in places , and I was making a joke of myself . I always did that . I can still do that , but I think that it must be a magic power , and that is to look like such a joke . I remember they fixed my car 's air conditioning . I was sitting in the car . I starting crying to my sister . I told her that I didn 't feel like life was worth it , anymore . There was no more purpose in life . Somedays , okay almost everyday , I thought of killing myself . I did not what to live anymore . I remember crying and I was fucked up in the middle of the day . I went on and on . While she was being her first car , I was complaining about my stupid life . We waited for papers . I cried . And cried . I was so fucked up by those little pills and those couple of drinks . I always had to ruin everything . Everywhere I went , I brought tears and drama . My life was so hard , but maybe it was harder for the people who were watching my pathetic tragedy . I was the pathetic tragedy . By the time I got home , my sister took my mom for a ride in her new car , and I was waiting on the steps for police to escort me to the hospital . My sister came home and told me the cops were coming because I was acting suicidal all day . I heard the sirens coming . I watched the cop come up to my car were I was laughing and making a fool out of myself . My mom , my sister , my dad , my nieces , my friends , my neighbors , my aunt and uncle , and whoever else was there that I remember , watched the cop and the EMT 's threaten me . I either got in the ambulance with them or I got handcuffed and brought to the hospital . Either way , it was legal because the cop heard me say I wanted to die . I decided to ride in the ambulance . I called the paramedic a bitch . I laughed in the cops face . I waved at him as he escorted the ride behind . It was all a joke . It was a joke as they all escorted me into the hospital and it was a joke when I had to want in the intake area to see if I was on drugs and to see if I had to stay . I watched crazy people coming into the same area I was in . I seen a young man in a wheelchair shaking his head back and forth and screaming . A nurse drew my blood . I acted nice , and I let her do it . When she turned her back , I ran , and I ran like hell . Right past other patients , right past the staff and nurses , and right outside . I ran out of the hospital , past the security , past the highway , past the long grassy area that went on for miles , I just kept on running . I didn 't even know where I was going . I didn 't even live in this area . All I know was that I had my credit card . I had enough to buy some beer and cigarettes . I would fill in the blanks from there . It was probably about 6 p . m . when I ran away . I went to a small gas station and I got a couple beers . I took my beers to a bus station . And , I hung out there . I sang to myself . I sang hymns I knew from a child . I grew up singing and I grew up wanting to be a singer . When I drink , I sing . And I sang , as people came up to me and talked to me . The bus driver asked me who I was . I said I ran from the hospital . He laughed and drove away . He told me his daughter was my age , and he told me to be safe . I laughed as he drove off . I might be dead . If that is safe . I literally remember thinking that to myself . A man I met , told me his father was in the nursing home I worked at . He grabbed my butt . He stroked my back , and he tried to kiss me . He was probably in his early 50 's . I was to drunk to comprehend what was happening . He ran off , and I stayed there drunk . I hope he realized what he was doing was fucked up beyond any comprehension . Finally , I had enough . I crawled onto a busy road , and I laid there . I waited for someone to find me . Finally , a van came and slammed on their brakes when they seen that I was laying the middle of the road . " Honey ? Where are you supposed to be ? Why are you laying the middle of the street ? You could have been hit ! " They were freaking out . I was laughing . Before they came , I was closing my eyes and pretending I was dead . They brought me to the gas station and immediately called 911 . The worker there told me I could have anything there . The cops came . I tried to escape , but honestly I was too drunk . I got handcuffed for the first time in my life . And , I was put in the back of the police car . I cried to them , and I begged them not to take me to that horrible hospital . I cried and pleaded . They didn 't really say much of anything . I just remember being hysterical on the whole ride back to the hospital . How did I end up in the same position that I was in hours before ? Turns out that there was an amber alert for my drunk ass . When I left the hospital , they notified my family , and sent it out . People where actually looking for me while I sang to myself in a stupid bus station . My sister , my mom , and my friends sent out messages to everyone I knew asking if they knew where I was . I was wandering the city and I was suicidal and crazy and they were probably worried . They brought me back to that dumb intake area . And I fought , like hell . I was punching , hitting , kicking , spitting , screaming , and acting like they were trying to kill me . It took at least 6 people to strap me down into the bed . I screamed for what seemed like forever . Finally , she came in with a shot , and whatever was in that shot knocked me out . I told her she was a cunt as she stabbed me in the arm with whatever drug . She smiled , and told me it was okay . Bless her ability not to spit back in my face . I woke the next morning with the entire staff making sure I wouldn 't do what I did the night before . I woke up in blue scrubs . I woke up around crazy people . I woke up sharing a bathroom with 30 or 40 other people . We had to have our blood pressure taken around the clock , I had to be supervised . I had to take on the phone in front of the staff . I couldn 't be left alone . I felt like a prisoner . I felt like this was the worst of the worst . I just was glad that people were actually there to supervise me . I was only held for 2 nights or one and a half days . Which ever way you looked at it . Personally , it was 2 nights , 2 days , and I remember every second . Every smell . Every meal . Every nurse . The doctor . The guards . My small bed . I will never forget those 2 days and 2 nights . They diagnosed me with anxiety disorder . I already could have told you I had that . When I went to sign out , my phone was missing . I have no idea where I dropped it . My mom , my dad , and my friend picked me up . I felt like I was getting out of prison . The truth is everyday , I am searching for that reason . The first thing I picture is my little sister . The person who is my rock in more ways than one . I picture my dad . I picture my little brother . I picture my friends , and distant relatives . I keep going . I keep trying . I am literally living for others . Maybe , that is what life is about . Finally , realizing that you are here for more reasons than just yourself . That is why I am here . For more reasons than my own . I pray to God to forgive me , and somehow I feel a little bit more strength to get through another day . Author fairytalesarentdeadPosted on April 5 , 2017April 5 , 2017Tags addiction , alcoholic , blog , death , family , friends , God , healing , hospital , life , personal , relationships , sex , sharing , story , strength , suicide , survivorLeave a comment on Losing My Mind Slowly It 's not like I ever meant to develop a problem . One day , I was 14 years old and camping with a friend and her family . It was the first time I ever got drunk . I remember feeling like I could do anything , I could say anything , and it was funny . I could have confidence . I could make new friends , and nobody could really judge me right ? Because I was drunk . I ran through the campgrounds screaming , trying to crawl in the water , I tried hugging everyone I seen . It was the best night of my life . After that night , I learned that I loved alcohol . If I got alcohol , I had to get as drunk as I could , and I had to be the most intoxicated out of everyone else . That was always my goal . At that point , I was on top of the world , and nothing could stop me . I spent my teen years searching for any chance to drink . Usually , it involved friend 's parents who didn 't care that we drank . I used people at such a young age for something that was destructing my life . I still remember my first high school dance that I went to . My mom brought me to the dress store in town . I remember walking by as a little girl and admiring all the pretty dresses . I always thought one day I could by a dress from there . At 16 , I finally did ! It was light blue . I had to get it altered to fit me . My chest is busty and well that always made things hard to fit . I curled my hair , I did my make - up , and my friends all came over so we could take pictures together . It was 4 of us . They were all my best friends and they begged me to come with . I always refused to go to dances because I never felt pretty and I always felt fat . I remember my friend telling me that I looked gorgeous . And , we all agreed we were going to get fucked up after . We ended up drinking in my friend 's basement . Her parents had a bar and they left us have a couple of drinks . It ended up me and my best friend taking so many shots that we could barely walk . I remember my friend 's mom thinking it was funny and everyone laughing . We were having so much fun . It all changed when they were ready for bed . My best friend and I walked in and out of their house at least 20 times . She had a huge family and they could hear us laughing , falling , and trying to be quiet . We ended up smoking all of my other friend 's cigarettes and we actually made out . We were just goofing off . The next morning , we were asked to leave . They did not want us there . My friend and I walked over a mile to find a phone so my dad could pick us up . That was the first time that I ruined a night with my drinking . What was supposed to be a fun night turned out to be a night I just ruined , and the pattern followed me . I was always creating trouble , and I thought I was just creating memories that people would laugh about later . Instead , I was creating enemies . I just loved to be black out drunk . I would encourage my mom to buy us drinks . She would say one and I would have 12 . She would buy wine , let me have a cup , and I would finish the entire glass of it . I would walk around the streets drunk , blacked out , no clue where I was going , and it didn 't matter because it was fun . I drank on Christmas night after I turned 21 . I decided it was not going to be a good night unless I was drunk . It was never a good night unless I was drunk . I feel like I couldn 't even enjoy people 's company and I couldn 't be myself . Anyways , on Christmas , I drank almost a whole bottle of liquor . I invited a friend over . My dad begged me not to drink that night , " Tomorrow , I will go to AA . " I said laughing and running up the stairs with my friend . Funny thing is , it took me two years to actually go . I ended up blacking out , heading my head on the toilet in the bathroom , and I broke the toilet . I do remember that I laid in the shower crying while the water ran on me . That was a pattern . My family listening to me crying and crying while I was drunk . One night , I got so drunk that I decided I was going to get out of the house in the middle of the night and just walk . I would go to the bridge that connected Wisconsin and Michigan , and I would jump . It was probably right around that Christmas . I can not remember if it was before or after . I never did leave . I wrote the note , though . I fell asleep on my closet floor , crying of course , and after taking a couple sleeping pills . I always thought that it was going to numb that pain . Instead , it created more pain . It created pain for my family and friends and this was only the beginning before I even moved down south . I became a burden to everyone . Drinking to me now is like playing a game with death . Now , in the present . I have been hospitalized twice since last September . I took an ambulance 4 times . I have been rushed to the ER by family . I 'm scared to drink . I just keep telling myself that if I drink today , I might be dead tomorrow . I try to scare myself . I don 't want to be another girl from my small town who killed herself . Who everyone pities and wishes they would have done something . The truth is no matter what anyone does or says I am the only person in control and nothing will change that . I am in control . Author fairytalesarentdeadPosted on March 30 , 2017Tags addict , addiction , alcoholic , blog , destruction , family , friends , healing , life , personal , self harm , story , suicide , survivorLeave a comment on Slowly Leaving I moved from norther Michigan to the south almost 2 years ago . I thought that it was going to be a really good change . I had to leave a lot of friends and I was going to be with my family , again . My mom took a train to come get us . She does not do well under pressure or something . She was so upset that we did not finish packing up our apartment . And , a few days before that I found out that I had gotten that STD ( it was curable ) . I was so stressed and even contemplating moving down there . All my friends begged me not to go because they all know what my mother is like . But , I insisted on moving . We only had my little white car to bring us to our new home . My mom had left her stuff behind with us . The only reason my mom , my dad , and my brother left was because we were evicted from our house that we lived in for a year . They stopped paying the bills , and I stopped caring about helping them . I gave up at this point . They had burned every bridge in this small town with different landlords , the electric company , and even other people . They would have not been able to find a home . So , they left us and moved down south to live in a trailer on my second uncle 's property . Anyways , they left their stuff with us in the apartment and we had to fit just our stuff in the car . My mom came to just get what she could of hers in the car . That was her secret mission . And , she had flipped shit when she realized my sister and I just wanted our stuff in the car ! She is crazy , I told you that , but she is really crazy . She was throwing stuff around , complaining , and getting in fights with one of my best friends . She was screaming , " Shut the fuck up " over and over again at my friend . My friend thought it was the funniest thing in the world . She was just there to spend time with us and help us pack everything before we left . This was the same friend that I burned all the seats in her car from the trip at Lake Michigan . I had my friend get me out of the apartment . She took to me to her house and I chugged a beer . I was so stressed about moving . Did I really want to move there ? When I got back to the apartment , my mom was still throwing her fit . Finally , I took a water bottle that I had , threw it down and screamed , " You are a fucking cunt ! " It got pretty quiet , and I went and locked myself in the bathroom where I had to try to calm myself down . All while , my friend , my sister , and my mom where fighting in the other room . " You both should have just stayed here ! I wish I never came ! " I heard my mom yelling . All of the neighbors downstairs , who were also the landlords , were listening to everything that was happening . We had just that day to get out . I just went in sat in my beat up white car with the doors locked . It was like I was in another world and like I couldn 't move , I couldn 't think , and I just wanted to go back in time where I agreed upon moving there . She followed me outside where she was pounding on the windows and screaming for me to get out . She threatened to break the windows and pop the tires . It was like I was frozen though and I didn 't want to move and to deal with her . Sometimes , I imagine hitting her over and over again . That is such a horrible thing to say about your own mother . But , she honestly will drive anyone to that point . Finally , we packed up all my happiness and threw a lot of stuff away . I was going to miss this place so much , and all the memories I had to such a short time . I really grew accustomed to living here . It was one of the best times of my life , and I wish that I could take it back . I spent a long time realizing that part of my life was never going to come back . I could grieve it all I wanted but it was gone . We were not coming back , and life here was going to go on without us . I had to leave the job behind that I was at for 3 years . I was so used to all my coworkers and become pretty good friends with a lot of them . I was a CNA at a nursing home . I started when I was 18 , and I learned a lot there . It was my first job and the thing that I was used to . I tried not to cry saying goodbye to everyone . They all told me that they were excited for me to go on this journey and to be going somewhere new . I didn 't want to leave , though . This life was what I was used to . We finally got the apartment cleaned up . It was hard getting rid of everything . It was even harder knowing that this taste of independence might not come back for a while . Being that far from my mother was coming to a very short end . We spent the night with my friends . I cried in the little white car as we left . It was just like there was some hope in me that things were going to get better . I just kept trying to tell myself that over and over again . While , I sat and waited for my sister to close her bank account up . It was a long drive . It was a lot of fighting where my mother reminded us that we should have stayed . It was like this wave of depression was just pulling me under it 's current slowly . I couldn 't even think as I listened to her screaming the whole fucking time . I always try to remain optimistic even if things are falling apart . I try to imagine what life could be like and sometimes I get in all messed up in my head . I live more in my head than I do in real life . It was nice seeing all of the different states on the way down . We had some family down here that I got to met and I was pretty excited about meeting them . Maybe I could get close with them . I never really had any family that I was close with other than my sister who is my best friend . I could find a job that wasn 't in nursing and maybe it could be something interesting and new . Maybe , I would met a guy down here . Maybe , my life would be exciting and better than before . When we got to our destination , reality hit , hard . We lived in the middle of nowhere ! In the smallest fucking town . We pulled up in our driveway . All I see is three homes and the one that is ours is the one that is falling apart . You can 't even walk up the stairs without them all moving and you falling . 5 people in a 2 bedroom trailer . One bathroom . We slept on a pull - out couch . All while my mother is telling us on our first night there that we should have just fucking stayed and she wishes we would just go back . My dad was so happy to see us . He was disappointed to see how she was treating us . Author fairytalesarentdeadPosted on March 29 , 2017Tags blog , life , personal , storyLeave a comment on Leaving The Day I Lost It . I grew up in an extremely small town . Have you ever heard of northern Michigan ? That is where I am from . Everyone knows everyone . I felt like I had to get away . And , I would find these amazing life . Everyone loved me . Everyone understood me . I could be myself . All I had to do was leave this stupid little northern town in the middle of nowhere . Then , I would have made real life experiences ! My parents moved away and left my sister and I in northern Michigan . It was the best time of my life . I could go wherever I wanted to go . I could see whoever the hell I wanted to see . I could drink until 5 am or I could sleep until 2 pm . Whatever I wanted to do , the world was in my hands . It was honestly the best time of my life . I had friends coming and going . I had bottles of vodka on hand . I was crawling up stairs . I was reading magazines in the bathtub , and dancing in the middle of the night while my sister was at work . I was so incredibly happy ! However , I had so much damn pressure to move . My friend was leaving the town and she wanted us to move to a bigger city . My family was in the south . I was so incredibly lost ! Who was I suppose to be around ? I did have an amazing job . I made great friends there , and I was actually making okay money for my age . I was able to support myself . I just did not know what to do . I felt so much damn pressure . My sister and I decided to move across the god damn country . I had to say goodbye to so many people . I was moving to warmer climate , I was going to be tan all the time , I was going to be enjoying life and experiencing new things ! In case I did not mention it before … my mother and I do not get along . She is controlling . She tells my business to everyone including the fact that I dated a man who was in a relationship . She thought that everyone should know . She also always had to know where I was at all times , and that included when I was 21 years old . Anyways , I decided to enjoy life as much as possible before moving across the damn country . My friend , my sister , and my dogs , and me ( of course ) , packed up the car and went to Lake Michigan . I took a bottle of vodka . I was blacking out on the way there . I met a cute guy at the gas station . I was too shy to of course get his number . I had fun at the lake that day . I ruined it . I was stumbling everywhere . I pissed in a bush . I was screaming at cars next to us . I was hanging my head out the door . I was going back to the gas station , getting more alcohol , flirting ( again ) , and leaving . I drank the whole way home . I burned my friend 's seats in her car . She was so pissed . I don 't really remember that part . We can leave that out and maybe talk about it later . Anyways , I got home . I tried getting more alcohol . I took the car around the block . My little sister was calling me over and over again . I almost crashed into a damn curb . I got home , and she was so mad . She was yelling at me . I just remember laughing . I remember thinking everything was funny . Why not fuck my life up along with other people 's relationships with me ? I don 't care if they love me or not . It doesn 't matter because I hate myself . I don 't even know how I got to this point . When she left , I invited a boy over . I honestly can barely remember inviting him over . He came though . I throw all my clothes in my room . I acted cute . He had sex with me and took the one thing that I valued in myself . It was gone and I would never get it back . In all reality , I gave it away like it didn 't matter . He even tried to have sex with me on the picnic table . My neighbor 's were right inside . It was their table . I finally pushed him off and he was gone . A few days later , I invited a new guy over . The same thing happened . I barely remember it the next morning . It doesn 't matter though , right ? I am a women now . I had to be drunk for it to happen but at least someone had sex with me . At least , I would not be a 22 year old virgin . That is all that matters . It does not even matter that I got an STD that was , by the way , 100 % curable . As long as I can say I am a woman . To me , it was damaging . The way I was raised . The way my mom tried to teach me to value myself . I just threw it away to men who just wanted to pound me from behind . They gave two shits other than the fact that their dick was getting wet . And , that is the honest truth . All I cared about was being socially acceptable . In the end though , I felt like shit . I still think about those nights I wish I could forget forever . I think it was just because I always wanted sex to mean something . I was raised that way . I mean I could have at least used a condom for both of them . I made mistakes , though . |
Ouija Board Experiences from around the world . Reader submitted stories , personal encounters with the Ouija Board . Do you believe a Ouija Board could be used to contact the " other " side ? Alright , it 's a long story , so get some popcorn if you fancy . I 've been living in this apartment for a year now . Some time after I moved , I found a mirror inside my closet , it was a full body mirror so I decided to keep it and put it on my room 's wall . It seemed ordinary until recently , a couple of months ago , I was staring at the mirror at night , the lights were off , and I thought I saw something strange , so I approached , and I started seeing weird things , for example I would see myself having black holes for eyes and mouth , type of holes that kind of absorb everything including light , and also smiling , I would also see some demon , and etc . I ignored it though . One day , me and my friend decided to visit this big oratory in our city , and in the former house of a monk there was this locked room in which my friend felt there was a bad presence , she walked away , when I was alone I was able to open the door , I was too scared to go in , when I called my friend to come with me , I couldn 't open the door anymore . I think that same day we used a Ouija board , we contacted a spirit named Amun Frast , he said he wanted to talk again some day . We tried to contact him again afterwards , he was talking about some stuff that he couldn 't do while he was alive , something important about helping the world , but he was murdered . This seemed weird to me since I also want to do something to help out the world at some point in my life . In other Ouija séances we seem to contact anonymous spirits that only spell nonsense . When we tried to contact Frast again he seemed to have changed personality and he seemed to know too much about me , I believe it wasn 't him , but the spirit left and later another one came , claiming to be Frast , which he probably was since he acted more like it and simply wanted to talk , he said again he wanted to talk later about something important , he gave us a date , this was at my friend 's house . A weird thing that happens with the Ouija board is that the jewel we use to point out the letters sometimes places itself on one of the eyes of the medium drawn on the board , other times it goes to the moon , other times , usually when there 's a bad presence it goes out of the board to point at stuff . Anyways , later on , we had another séance , that date , to talk to Frast , this time at my place . It didn 't act like Frast , we told it to tell us who it was , it insisted on being Frast , we insisted it was a lie , it said it was Satan , then it didn 't really respond , it tried to open portals ( aka . making 8 or 0 - shaped movements ) we didn 't let it , it also tried to go to bye but we held the jewel firmly , then it was moving towards my mirror , we didn 't let it once again , I turned the mirror so that it would be facing the floor , then the spirit said it was in the room , and that it was inside my friend , I thought to myself " yeah sure " so I stomped the mirror with my foot and my friend said she felt a stinging in her stomach when I did , the pointer insisted on heading towards the mirror , so we put the board on top of the mirror , but didn 't let the jewel touch it ( the mirror ) . Then it started doing weird movements , it looked like he was opening another portal . Afterwards , we heard an unusually evil child laugh , it came from somewhere in the room , then the board spelled some things that I can 't recall and said bye . I tried to contact Frast by myself later that night , but I didn 't get anything , although , when I turned the board to one side I saw a flash of light for a fraction of second , if I turned it to the other direction I 'd see a flash of darkness for an even shorter time than the light one , I sometimes see those flashes at random moments ever since , not often though . Me and my friend haven 't had any other séances , but she says she sees some weird stuff at her place from time to time . I was wondering what should I do next ? I still have the mirror , I 'm not getting rid of it since I believe there 's more to it , I really want to find out what this is all about , but I don 't know how . Btw , if you think my friend 's the one moving the jewel because the spirit knows a lot about me , she 's not , the spirit has said a couple of things I haven 't told her , her fingers barely touch the jewel , and sometimes it even rotates , the board has also rotated a little by itself once , we weren 't touching it , we were inside the house and it was not a windy day . Any kind of help appreciated . We brought out the board and grabbed a clear glass and put our finger tips on it . Caroline started off by saying " We ask politely if a spirit can come forward and make contact with us , we mean no harm " and suddenly the glass started moving slowly in circles around the board . I was convinced Caroline and Amy were having me on as a joke . But Caroline then asked . " Hello , my name is Caroline what is your name " the board spelt out the initials T . L . She then asked " what is your full name " and it spelt out " Tornsly Lenis " I thought this was a pretty weird name ! the glass then started moving more franticly and Caroline 's face went pale . . . me and Amy were getting really scared at this point , suddenly Caroline said " girls ask one question each then we have to leave I don 't think this spirit is a nice one " so I asked " are you going to harm us " and the spirit moved the glass over " Hello " I was quite confused . then Amy asked in a strong tone of voice " why aren 't you making any sense ! " and the glass moved fast and furiously . . . Caroline then said . . . " Sorry for disturbing you Tornsly we would like to leave now , may we leave " and the glass moved to no . I started getting really upset and asked the spirit " please may I leave I didn 't mean any harm " and he said Yes . This year only a few months ago I was staying over my boyfriends house , my Nan had recently passed away and I got upset very often , I suddenly swung into a hysterical crying fit and didn 't want him to see me like it so I ran into the other room . Suddenly I felt a short sharp pain on my leg . I looked at my leg and I saw a handprint . I was mortified . I ran back into the other room crying shouting to my boyfriend " SOMEONE HIT ME ! " and he looked really confused . . . I showed him the finger marks on my leg and they were raised and red and sore . he asked me if I hit myself and I was annoyed at why he would think that . . . both of us were really freaked out . . then I had the sudden urge to compare my fingertips with the ones on my leg . . and my handprint . . fitted perfectly . I hadn 't touched my leg but the handprint was matching to mine . Then just last week I got into the car with my boyfriend to go out to London and the car windows were steamed . . . suddenly I looked to the glass . . and two handprints were printed on the windows . . yet again matching the size of mine ! I 'm very sorry if you are confused about this story . My friends had asked that I don 't share their names . I remember the date exactly , July 10 , 2010 . My mom decided to throw a graduation party . I had told her that I was only graduating eighth grade , but she insisted we have one . It was a family party , but my mom said I could invite five friends . We had fun . My mom set up a thirty three foot long slide for us to use . We had water balloons and great food . It was the best party we 've ever thrown . Out of no where , my mom decided to have a big sleepover for me and my friends . She ordered even more food and got us some two liter pops . One of my friends had to leave though because she had things to do in the morning . After our stomachs were full , we turned on the TV . My friend was rummaging through the cabinets and found our Ouija board . She smiled and laughed at me . " Dude , these things are so fake ! " she said . I rushed over to her and grabbed it from her . Unfortunately , all of my friends were intrigued . They were saying how they wanted to try it . Sighing , I grabbed the board and sat down . " These things are dangerous guys . It 's not a toy . " I said , warning them . Of course , they didn 't listen . I explained to them the evil things the boards can do and the rules . They were excited and one of my experienced friends put her hand on the planchette . I placed mine on it , too . My friend said the words I was dreading to hear . " Ouija are you there ? " Slowly but surely , it went to yes . Before my friend could say anything , I asked the question " Are you from the sun or the moon ? " Hesitantly , it moved to the Sun . I didn 't think of the hesitating at the time . I guess I was just glad it wasn 't from the Moon . " What is your name ? " My friend asked . It didn 't reply . " What is your name ? " She said again and it went to ' A ' and then to ' Z ' . I looked at her . " That 's not his or her name . It 's too short . " I said , my voice shaking . " Are you good or bad ? " I said . It didn 't move . I asked my other friend to take my friends place . " What is your name ? " I asked and it moved . It spelled out " ROXIE " . When I confirmed the name , my friend , who was sitting there silent the whole time , jumps back three feet . She starts crying . My friend , who was doing the Ouija board before I replaced her , rushed over to her and placed her hand on her shoulder . As soon as she touched her , she couldn 't breath . My friend quickly withdrew her hand and she could breath again . I rushed over to her and looked at her . Her eyes were weird . It definitely wasn 't her . I knew that for a fact . Then she shook her head violently and looked at me . She looked around and said the words I didn 't want to here ; " What 's going on ? " She said . I looked at her . " You seriously don 't know what just happened ? " I said . She looked at me and shook her head . No one knew what just happened but me . My eyes grew wide and saw an image in my head . It was of a girl 's neck getting sliced . " Did you feel anything ? " I asked . She said all she felt was something like chopping at her neck . Two of my friends and I went upstairs on the computer . We searched ' Ouija Board Rules ' . We found out that if you let the board go through the numbers or though the letters , it is letting the ghost escape from the board . We looked at each other and ran downstairs . When we got down there , we saw my friend , the one who got attacked , staring at the Ouija board . My friend who had stayed down there with her was trying to get her attention . She was focused on the Ouija Board . " I wanna play . Please , can I play ? " All she wanted to do was play the Ouija Board . My experienced friend and I agreed that she was attached to whatever she was attacked by . To this day , that ghost is in my house . It will feel like she 's grabbing your throat . We believe it 's to show you how she felt when she died . That night was the scariest night of my life . My Ouija Board is locked up in the attic . Don 't ever take the Ouija Board as a joke or a little toy because it most definitely isn 't . One night I was having this weirdly vivid dream ( if it was a dream ) . This shadow came over me and I woke up freaked out and realized that I could not speak . I felt as if someone 's hands were clamping my jaw shut so I could not speak . I am a strong believer in Jehovah as I am a Jehovah witness so I was trying to scream out his name to help me but it seemed the harder I tried the harder he clamped my jaw shut . I was so terrified I started to cry . I then shot up screaming the name Jehovah and had night sweats all over . Another experience I had was when I was playing with my homemade Ouija board . It was my very first time playing with the Ouija board . I had my brother Joshua and my boyfriend Steven do this with me . I asked if there was anything in the room that wanted to talk to us and at first there was no response so I asked again and started to see it slowly moving as if it was decided whether to talk to us or not . I asked again and it moved on hello . I told it hello and asked who it was . She said her name was miz jugz and didn 't want to talk long so later on in the night I tried again and it moved on hello . I told it hello and asked who this was this time but it would not tell me its name . It said it was a girl and she was 9 years old . She said her mom killed her in my brothers room because she was sick and suffering . She was born in 1949 and said she was born on March 23rd which is my boyfriends birthday which is ironic since how she 's completely obsessed with him . She even admitted it . She told Steven that his dad was going to die on his birthday and swore to never hurt him and claimed to be in love with Steven . I asked her if she liked me and she said no . I guessed it was because of jealousy since I was going out with the person she claimed to love . She kept saying all these abbreviations and would not tell us what they meant unless I left the room . So I did . I came back in and my boyfriend and brother looked terrified so I asked them what she said . They told me that she wanted Steven to kill me with an axe and if he didn 't then she would . I was freaked out that whole night . I then asked her if she was the one who pushed the spring box mattress on my boyfriends head the previous night and she said no . I asked her who did it and she said miz jugz . I asked her who miz jugz was and she said Satan . After that experience I don 't like sleeping in rooms alone and always have to have my boyfriend with me . But I cant seem to stop playing with the Ouija board . I am a 13 year old boy that is fascinated with the paranormal . I use Ouija boards to pass the time , and I started talking to this one ghost , he was an African slave , his name is Diowam . He told me cool stuff and what not , but I felt some spiritual connection with him . I would see apparitions at times , but they were mostly shadows . One day , when I was using my Ouija board , I asked if it was Diowam , and it said " NO " . I felt uncomfortable . I asked who it was . His name was Heckley , born in England , died in the 1700 's . I felt an evil presence from him , so I asked few questions then closed down the board . Suddenly , my lights start flickering , which they never do , NEVER . I ran into the other room to tell my dad what happened . He said , " Don 't worry it will be alrig - " before he could finish his sentence , his eyes widened and he said , " They 're not finished with you yet , " he said it in a controlled way . I freaked out and saw a shadow of a man in a hood behind him . I never talked to that demon again , because I knew he was horrible . My other friends Diowam is cool though , I trust him with my board and only him . I know what he looks like now . He is a silver statue . He protects my friends from demons when they visit me , and he burns away any hatred in our house . He tells me of the future , and of the past . This is a warning to anyone who will use a Ouija board , be careful , people have died from possession , and it could happen to you if you do not know what you are doing and let your will fade . Only talk to spirits you trust , find a spirit you like , and stick with it , if someone else appears , close down the board and ask them to never talk to you again . But remember , it is not a toy and must be handled with extreme caution . I 'm very sorry if you are confused about this story . My friends had asked that I don 't share their names . I remember the date exactly , July 10 , 2010 . My mom decided to throw a graduation party . I had told her that I was only graduating eighth grade , but she insisted we have one . It was a family party , but my mom said I could invite five friends . We had fun . My mom set up a thirty three foot long slide for us to use . We had water balloons and great food . It was the best party we 've ever thrown . Out of no where , my mom decided to have a big sleepover for me and my friends . She ordered even more food and got us some two liter pops . One of my friends had to leave though because she had things to do in the morning . After our stomachs were full , we turned on the TV . My friend was rummaging through the cabinets and found our Ouija board . She smiled and laughed at me . " Dude , these things are so fake ! " she said . I rushed over to her and grabbed it from her . Unfortunately , all of my friends were intrigued . They were saying how they wanted to try it . Sighing , I grabbed the board and sat down . " These things are dangerous guys . It 's not a toy . " I said , warning them . Of course , they didn 't listen . I explained to them the evil things the boards can do and the rules . They were excited and one of my experienced friends put her hand on the planchette . I placed mine on it , too . My friend said the words I was dreading to hear . " Ouija are you there ? " Slowly but surely , it went to yes . Before my friend could say anything , I asked the question " Are you from the sun or the moon ? " Hesitantly , it moved to the Sun . I didn 't think of the hesitating at the time . I guess I was just glad it wasn 't from the Moon . " What is your name ? " My friend asked . It didn 't reply . " What is your name ? " She said again and it went to ' A ' and then to ' Z ' . I looked at her . " That 's not his or her name . It 's too short . " I said , my voice shaking . " Are you good or bad ? " I said . It didn 't move . I asked my other friend to take my friends place . " What is your name ? " I asked and it moved . It spelled out " ROXIE " . When I confirmed the name , my friend , who was sitting there silent the whole time , jumps back three feet . She starts crying . My friend , who was doing the Ouija board before I replaced her , rushed over to her and placed her hand on her shoulder . As soon as she touched her , she couldn 't breath . My friend quickly withdrew her hand she could breath again . I rushed over to her and looked at her . Her eyes were weird . It definitely wasn 't her . I knew that for a fact . Then she shook her head violently and looked at me . She looked around and said the words I didn 't want to here ; " What 's going on ? " She said . I looked at her . " You seriously don 't know what just happened ? " I said . She looked at me and shook her head . No one knew what just happened but me . My eyes grew wide and saw an image in my head . It was of a girl 's neck getting sliced . " Did you feel anything ? " I asked . She said all she felt was something like chopping at her neck . Two of my friends and I went upstairs on the computer . We searched ' Ouija Board Rules ' . We found out that if you let the board go through the numbers or though the letters , it is letting the ghost escape from the board . We looked at each other and ran downstairs . When we got down there , we saw my friend , the one who got attacked , staring at the Ouija board . My friend who had stayed down there with her was trying to get her attention . She was focused on the Ouija Board . " I wanna play . Please , can I play ? " All she wanted to do was play the Ouija Board . My experienced friend and I agreed that she was attached to whatever she was attacked by . To this day , that ghost is in my house . It will feel like she 's grabbing your throat . We believe it 's to show you how she felt when she died . That night was the scariest night of my life . My Ouija Board is locked up in the attic . Don 't ever take the Ouija Board as a joke or a little toy because it most definitely isn 't . I 've been reading stories on here ( speaking of TrueGhostTales . com ) for a while and decided it 's time to submit my own . My story doesn 't involve any bad things . Let me explain . I lost my sister and nephew in June of 2002 to a freak medical mishap . She was 7 months pregnant with said Nephew and suffered from an aneurysm . She and the baby died . She was only 22 and needless to say this rocked the family . The death happened at her baby shower also . So it was a freak thing all around . Well forward to a few years later my mom came to me and told me she had been playing around with a Ouija board with some friends and that she was talking to ' Danielle ' , my sister . At first I thought she was crazy and told her she was stupid . Well she finally convinced me to ' sit in ' on it with her friends . When they first started they asked things like ' Is anyone here ' and the normal things . Then it got personal . My sister said she was there and was telling us things that only my mom and I would know about her . It seemed very , very real . I was never scared but almost at peace because I felt like I could tie up any loose ends with her and such . A few random things happened like my mom got ' poked ' in the shoulder and immediately the board said ' gotcha ' . Then in another instance the phone rang and after the board said ' why didn 't you answer ' . I was always told not to mess with Ouija boards and that they invite evil into your life among other things , but after playing around with one I 've never had any bad experiences . This in itself kind of scares me because I 'm wondering if potentially a demon was manifesting itself as my sister ? Also could I have a demon in my life that is just ' idle ' and waiting for the right time to come out . I regret messing with that board and am afraid something terrible will happen sometime in my life . This all started when I bought that Ouija Board . I always wanted to get one , because I am a believer , even though I never saw a ghost . The burning dumpster changed that . The Ouija Board was one of the new ones , that 's made out of plastic and glows in the dark . I thought it was a little unnecessary , but I couldn 't find anyone who sells an actual Ouija board that doesn 't glow . Then came the day that Justin killed himself . Justin is some random college guy in the college apartments I live in . The dumpster was only 20 feet away from my house , with a potential ghost . I was hooked . At first I didn 't believe that Justin killed himself . His girlfriend moved out an hour after his death , and Justin left his portion of the rent and his house key in their kitchen before dying . That doesn 't seem like a suicide , but more like a murder . Plus the fact that Justin died by hopping into a burning dumpster . What suicide victim kills themselves like that ? We set up right next to the dumpster and placed our fingers on the board and moved it in a circle to warm it up . I decided to be the one to ask the questions , so I asked as specifically as I could . Someone told me a long time ago to not ask vaguely , or a demon could show up and haunt you forever . I asked , " Is the spirit of Justin here ? " After a few seconds , the planchette moved slowly to Yes . This is the beginning of Carl 's nervous breakdown . I smiled and asked , hoping Justin wouldn 't get offended , " How did you die ? " Nothing happened for a while , so I asked a different question , " Did your girlfriend kill you ? " Quickly , the planchette moved to No . I gulped , knowing Justin was probably angry . I asked , hoping it couldn 't get any worse , " Why did you commit suicide ? " The planchette sat there for a few seconds , before slowly moving to spell out " BECAUSE " . I sighed , knowing Justin wouldn 't answer any other questions . I packed up the board , and went home . My first exposure to the Ouija Board was when I was 8 years old . My sister lived in the country in a very old house and my mother and father took me to visit on the occasional weekend . My sister considered herself a " conductor " or medium and said she could guarantee an enjoyable time with the Ouija Board . Now my Dad liked to get drunk and fall asleep on the couch in the evenings , so mum , my sister and me would use this time to play on the Ouija Board . My first experience concerned a contact my sister made with a person called Nanna Sharples . I was terrified . My mum wasn 't involved but was watching and she almost had a heart attack . This person was a violent figure in my mother 's past . She had never mentioned this name to my sister or others in the family because of how much it hurt her to remember . Let 's just say it got mum 's attention . Mum decided to get involved and we all put our finger on the glass . The glass was spinning aimlessly around the board . Sometimes fast , sometimes very fast . Now you can imagine the noise the glass makes on the table . My dad was asleep and we were all sitting at the table asking " is anybody there ? " continuously . Suddenly my dad sat up and said " if somebody is there could they please keep the noise down so I can bloody sleep ! " Bad move ! The glass was flung from the table and into the wall . Shattered . We all decided to call it a night . I went to bed and almost immediately started to have a series of terrible nightmares . I was dreaming of being pinched and scratched . When I woke up throughout the night I could feel burning on my legs and torso . The next morning I was having a shower and I looked at myself in the mirror and I was covered in scratches and bruises . I showed my mum and she began to get hysterical . It turned out that this was something that she attributed to her Nanna Sharples doing to her when she was a child . It seemed that her Nanna would punish her sadistically by pinching her and scratching her . All the while laughing . We left the country house and returned to the city . I didn 't have those dreams again . Worse was to come . One night I went to bed around 8pm . I could hear scratching in my wardrobe . I sat up and saw the door open slightly then slam shut . The scratching continued . I could feel a rush of pins and needles coming over me as I lay in that bed ( I am feeling them again now as I write . ) I was hiding under the covers and I could hear what sounded like laughing coming from under my bed . I was being poked through the mattress and I am talking poked ! I was being prodded and the mattress started to move violently beneath me . I yelled for my mum and dad . They came into the room and naturally could not find a damn thing . So frustrating . I was attending a Catholic School and decided to mention my story at the next Show and tell . I had nothing to show , but I had plenty to tell . The teacher called me out after class and we both went to see the Parish Priest . I gave a recount of my story to him and he sat there just studying me . He told me that he believed everything I said . He told me that it would happen again to me but not to be scared . He told me to say out loud " I cover myself in the blood of Jesus Christ who died for our sins " Anyway I didn 't quite know what to make of all this but it was easy to remember . A couple of nights later I was lying in bed and I could feel my chest tighten and the pins and needles returning . I quickly remembered those magic words and I have to be honest and tell you that the pins and needles went away and the tightness I was feeling subsided . I wasn 't bothered again . Now the story doesn 't end yet . I was having a sleepover at my cousin 's house and it was in the middle of summer . His bedroom was quite warm and we had a fan going to keep it cool . We decided to tell scary stories and of course I decided to bring out the old Nanna Sharples Story for him . Bad and stupid move . The room went so cold that we were both shivering under the covers of our beds and we saw a dark shadow creep across the ceiling in his bedroom . I thought it was my eyes but my cousin made the comment just as I was thinking it was only me that saw it . I quickly brought out the trusty old sentence the priest had told me and my cousin caught on pretty quick . Once again the room was warm and it seems to actually get brighter in the room . I think the dark presence had been in the room observing us for a while because it was like my eyes had re - adjusted from dilation . My story starts off like many other stories you have read , I 'm sure . My husband is in the military and is currently deployed . On Friday nights , a few of my girlfriends come over to my house for girl 's night . We usually cook dinner , watch a movie , have a drink or two , and often times we play a board game . Friday night , about three weeks ago , the girls filtered in around the usual time ( 6 pm ) or so . Everyone was there except for one of the ladies . We all got started cooking while we were waiting for the last woman to arrive . ( We were making lasagna . ) When all of the prep work was done , and the pasta was in the oven baking , the door bell rang . It was the last lady . She came inside and apologized for being late , but she said that she wanted to stop and pick something up on her way to my house . She held up a box still wrapped in plastic . It was an Ouija board . Apparently , she stopped at Toys - R - Us to get a new game and decided that this would be a lot of fun . The other girls squealed with delight . ( I used to be a very active member of my church back home , but haven 't really even attended regularly in a long time due to moving around so much . Anyway , I have a healthy wariness of contacting spirits . ) I didn 't want to be the wet blanket of the bunch , so I went along with it and pretended to be excited too . After dinner and some chatting , we went into the living room and opened up the Ouija board , lit some candles and turned out the light . We each placed two fingers on the planchette . The plastic felt so cheap under my finger tips . I was telling myself that it wasn 't going to work , after all , it was from Toys - R - Us ! I was still nervous though . We decided to go around the circle and take turns each asking a question . I started . I asked if there was anyone with us . We waited a moment for a response , but nothing happened . My friend next to me asked the same question , again nothing happened . The next person asked if anyone wanted to communicate with us . The planchette slowly moved to YES . We all gasped and accused one another of moving it . The next person asked the name of the person who moved the planchette . It responded , SILAS . We began asking Silas dumb questions like ; what my dog 's name is , how old one girl was , answers everyone there already knew . We never really asked anything about " Silas " other than what its name was . After asking it a bunch of dumb questions , we decided end the session . I wasn 't scared while everyone was there with me , but when they all left , I started to feel uneasy . I slept with the lights on that night . A few days later , I still felt wary being in my house alone . I always felt like someone was there . I kept telling myself that I was being silly . I didn 't really have any reason to feel that way until the beginning of last week . I started finding things in odd places . For example , instead of my keys being on the key rack by the front door , they were in the bathtub . I found a glass broken on the kitchen floor , my DVDs were all over the living room , and early this morning , my bedroom door slammed shut . It scared me so badly . It 's a 4 day weekend and my friends are with their hubbies . I 'm scared to be alone , and none of this stuff seems to be happening to any of them . I have been praying for protection and telling whatever seems to be here to go away , but it 's not working . I 'm not sure what to do . Sent in by Zoey , Copyright 2010 I was in England , where I live , and it was raining hard . Typical weather for February in England . The sky was gray and cloudy , and it was very cold . Around 2 pm , I got a call from my friend Flo , inviting me to stay the night . So I packed my things and my mum gave me a lift to her Flo 's house . She told me that our other friends Amy , Seth , John and Jasmine were also coming . Flo lives in a small house , owning acres of land . She has fields of horses and also owns part of a forest that starts in her garden , the forest stretches on for miles . We were in her room , and we talked until about 3 pm . We got hungry and decided to go down for some food . When we got down , Flo 's parents were looking in the basement . We went down to see them , and to see what they were looking for . Turns out they had mice down there , and Flo 's dad was setting traps and her mum down there giving him a cup of tea . I saw something that looked interesting so I said " hey Flo , what 's that ? " Flo looked over and picked it up . It was a Ouija Board ! " I didn 't know we had a Ouija Board mum ! " said Flo . Her mum told us that it was hers when she was our age , and that she tried it but nothing happened . As she no longer believed it worked , she let us use it . We got some food then brought the board back into Flo 's room . We decided we would do it late at night , we thought it would add to the effect a bit more . Flo 's parents left for the night , because her mum was a singer and was doing a gig in a far away pub that night , and decided to spend the night in a hotel . At about 1 am , we remembered the Ouija Board . We found some candles from downstairs , and got a lighter and light them and turned out all the lights . We sat in a circle in the middle of Flo 's room . They decided to let me conduct it , as I really wanted to and ( according to them ) knew what I was doing more then any of us . I began . " If there is a spirit among us , please come forth . " I said , quite loudly . Nothing happened . " Please give us a sign " I said again . Then , the pointer began to slowly shake , and then it moved . It spelled out : W - H - Y - - A - R - E - - Y - O - U - - H - E - R - E . We were all shocked as we thought it wouldn 't work . We looked at each other . Amy burst out laughing , and said " alright guys , who moved it ? " We all looked at each other . No one had moved it , no one was laughing , and everyone looked serious , so they couldn 't have . Amy suddenly looked as shocked as we were . " Ask it something " , John said . " What is your name ? " said Seth . It spelled out N - O - T - H - I - N - G . We carried on asking questions for about 2 hours . Then , I said " why are you here ? " and it spelled out T - O - - K - I - L - L - - Y - O - U . We got to freaked out to carry on . We were too scared to go to sleep too , so we decided to talk and forget all about the Ouija Board , by hiding it at the bottom of Flo 's wardrobe . At about 4 , we started dozing off to sleep . But then it started . There was a mug on Flo 's shelve , still there from her last cup of tea , and it randomly fell off and smashed . It made us all jump and wake up . We all just sat there staring at it . " What the hell just happened ? " I asked . Jasmine looked at me . I looked back at her , then to Flo . " I have no idea what the hell that was " said Flo , " did someone do that somehow ? " We all knew that that was a stupid question , because the shelf was the other side of the room , and we would of heard someone get up or do anything . And they wouldn 't have managed to get back into there sleeping bag that quickly . " It was probably the wind or some - " Jasmine got stopped mid - sentence but a loud bang coming from the wardrobe , then the curtain raWe buried that thing . We never heard / saw anything else about it , but I still , to this day , have scar 's going all around my ankles . Turns out that the board didn 't work for Flo 's mum because they were in a new house , and that house wasn 't haunted and was very new . Flo and her family moved house in the end . And I swear to you that this story is true , I would gain nothing if I made this up . Believe what you like , but I know the truth , and that 's all that matters , and it did happen . I own my own Ouija board and I took it over to my best friend 's , Nikki , Kirstee , Rebekka , Trish , Jason , Harry and Lachlan , house because after our first attempt , Rebekka was difficult to convince it worked , even though when we did it for the first time the Earth candle blew out . My good friend , Mandy , who owns and occult shop explained that that was because Rebekka was off with the Fairies that night , instead of focusing . Well , we set the table up , with the elemental candles in the correct spots and began speaking with a woman . But when we asked her where she was from she started counting down . Moving from ' 9 ' all the way down to ' 0 ' . When it hit ' 0 ' Kirstee 's baby , Lachlan began crying . Kirstee was a little freaked out and requested that her twin , Nikki , go with her into the bedroom because she didn 't want something to kill her , or whatnot . She settled down Lachlan and came back out , the Ouija board was unattended too as we grew bored and the board only worked with her . ( Which I know , do not leave an Ouija board without closing , but this ghost had been different from some of the others , no one had counted down before . ) Well Kirstee was the first one to touch the shot glass and as her forefinger touched it , the glass spun around the Ouija board , making Kirstee swear loudly . As soon as we touched the glass it stopped , and Kirstee , clearly freaked out , didn 't touch it again , so we said goodbye and closed the ' door ' . But that night continued to get creepy . The house is usually shut up and they never have windows open or anything , but the rooms we occupied suddenly got cold and we felt as if something was breathing down our necks . When I stay over I usually share the bed with Nikki because we 're as close as sisters and I could still feel as if someone was in the room , watching us . Nikki could feel it too , and Nik , is a wuss , so basically she was hiding under the covers . I saw something contort in the corner of my eye and I sat up to see what it was . This dark mass was forming in the corner of the room closest to the bed . Truly freaked out at this time I called out for Jason , Kirstee 's boyfriend , and the black mass thing seemed to twist towards me and began to kind of slither over towards me but it dissipated when the door opened . Jason cautiously came into the room , saw my face and asked what had happened . I guess my face looked unnaturally white ( I 'm very pale to begin with ) and scared out of my wits . I tried to explain what I saw but it came out as distorted as the dark thing , that I 'm going to call a shadow . Since then , I have seen it once , when I was going to the bathroom . It just continued to twist and knot itself and didn 't seem aware that I was there . When I walked back out of the bathroom I haven 't seen it since . I still use my Ouija board , but I make sure to burn White Sage incense because it helps to purify the space and make sure to say good bye properly . Me , my boyfriend James and my friend Mark were chilling at James 's house when James and I decide to go outside for a cigarette . Mark doesn 't smoke so he stayed inside watching the TV . As soon as we got outside Mark comes outside . That 's when I came up with the idea to do a Ouija board as I knew James always missed his dad and would love to talk to him again . They 're all up for the idea so I make one out of paper , mark letters and vital words and numbers on the board and we all sit around and start asking questions and we started receiving answers to them , everything was going fine and James got in touch with his dad . The glass then moved to ' goodbye ' and it was at that time Mark thought he would be funny and draw a pentagram onto the board . We then left the board as we thought it would be too scary to carry on with a pentagram on the board . We leave the room to go into the kitchen to make tea . We sat in the kitchen for a while talking about what we had just experienced , Both Mark and James were still in denial that we had really contacted spirits so we decided to try again and try to get proof that we were talking to spirits . When we got back into the room we were shocked to find the glass was on the pentagram . We all looked at each other in horror , the glass had been in the middle of the board when we had left . We sat down and asked if there were any spirits present . The glass moved to ' yes ' . We asked who we were speaking with and the glass spelled out Satan . We looked at each other , wary of what we were getting ourselves into , despite our growing fear we continued to ask are you here to hurt us ? and the glass moved over to yes , in a growing panic we asked which one of us it wanted to hurt . The glass started edging towards me . We asked why , the glass spelled out ' Wiccan . I was shocked as neither Mark nor James knew I was Wiccan . James started pleading with the spirit not to hurt me , eventually the spirit gave in . We then started talking to the spirit who claimed to be Satan , we asked it to make the dogs bark , and sure enough , the dogs started whining and barking , at this point we started getting kind of freaked out . We asked it to interfere with the TV , and sure enough the TV went blurry . At that point we heard something buzz in the corner of the room . I got up to check and to my horror I found a dragonfly dead and hanging upside down . We decided that that was enough for one day and put the board away . The next day , my doorbell rings and Mark is there . He starts recalling his night of terror to me . ' Laura , last night I was in bed , the covers started pulling off me , I pulled them back up and they pulled all the way off . My light started flickering , the glass that was on my nightstand shattered and I heard a woman scream right outside my window ! ' I spent a while trying to calm him down , then we decided to try again and see what Satan 's problem was . James had stayed the night that night so he was in the room waiting with anticipation . We took out the board and asked if Satan was there , the glass moved to yes . We asked if he was to blame for the strange things happening to Mark the night before and undoubtedly the glass moved to yes . I started to get uncomfortable in the position I was sitting in so I moved to lay down on my side and continued asking questions . The glass started moving towards me and rubbing against my nipple . I got freaked out and sat back up . The glass then spelled out ' I want her ' . James looked at me and said no . Then the glass spelled out ' she is mine now ' I got really creeped out . Then I felt a really cold breeze between my legs so I got up and left the room . After calming down a little I came back and continued the session . The glass moved to spell ' welcome back ' for a few minutes we sat there in silence trying to take everything in . The glass started moving . It spelled ' I 'm a sex addict too Pam ' we were all very confused . Then Mark says ' Oh my god ! On the TV , a girl called Pam just stood up and said ' My name is Pam and I 'm a sex addict ' This did it for all of us . We got so creeped out we put the board away . Just as we did that , a poster of mine fell from my bedroom wall and out of nowhere Mark 's phone turns on and the song ' Number of the Beast ' by Iron Maiden comes on . We decide to take out the board again and see what he wanted . As soon as we did the glass started moving to spell ' Pregnant ' so we asked who was pregnant and the glass edged over to me . We looked at each other , the glass moved to spell ' mine ' . I couldn 't take it so I once again left the room . James came out and gave me a big hug and said we would be okay . We returned to the room to find Mark shaking in the corner of the room . We asked what happened and all he could do was point at my underwear drawer . A load of my more intimate pieces were on the floor . We took out the board again and told him to stop . The glass moved to no . We decided to provoke it . We asked if he was so evil then why is he not here to hurt us . The glass spelled out ' You too cool to possess ' We looked at each other and didn 't know which way to take it . It was at that point we decided to put the board away for good . The next day Mark called over again and said his phone turned on again playing Number of The Beast . He was very shaken . One thing the board said really stuck with me . So I went out and bought a pregnancy test . Low and behold it was positive . I was immediately on the phone to James . We sorted things out and now everything 's fine . We all still get paranormal activity centering on us . And the incident was over two weeks ago . We haven 't touched the board since and don 't intend to either . Ouija boards are not things to be taken lightly . 2 . Say the following prayer , " I invite those spirits who are only for my highest good . Any spirits who come through who are NOT for my highest good are to be absorbed into the white light of protection , harming none . " 3 . Dress appropriately 4 . If you encounter a malevolent entity , say " in the name of Jesus Christ , I command you , foul spirit to leave " . The room is changing . The wall are peeling . . . This is happening as I live and type . The very thought of it makes my eyes water , my skin tighten , my throat close . I cannot type much of this , for it is in the store room next to this one . I never did fear much , but now I know what fear truly is , what it truly amounts to . Three days ago I used a Ouija board by myself in the upstairs store room next to my own , separated only by a door . I sat myself down , grabbed up the classically carved Ouija board I bought at a yard sale last weekend , and used a rather dirty shot - glass to pertain to the use of letter / symbol matching . I began speaking quietly , as one would do by themselves doing something incredibly creepy . It 's hard to do something like this by yourself , for the mind is one to plays tricks on it 's own accord . This was and is not the case . This revelation startled me quite a lot , seeing as how I was always under the assumption that two people must be touching a Ouija board to formulate anything relevant / channel spiritual energy . Not the case at all , in the reality of things . Continuing on , and not without a dry gulp or two , I would ask , " How many spirits reside among me now ? " Truly , I must have been pulling my own leg , crafting imagination to suit my fancies , push at the boundaries of my fear . But something was wrong . " What does that mean ? " I questioned , now whispering . At this point , the room would spin , my vision becoming blurred . I was crying , my eyes watering up and spilling over , huge globs of tears . I felt sad , alone , more miserable then I ever had felt . I felt warmth creep on my pant leg . I was urinating my pants , uncontrollably . Vision blurring , panicking now , I began to see something in the corner of the room , vivid , blackness . Now I know it is fully within the room , I am certain . I have been in the room only one more time , and the walls are peeling , turning yellowed and stained , the carpet growing moist . The Ouija board is in the corner of the room , and it is so cold where the negative energy seems to be coming from that the walls are sweating with condensation . So the first day of school 2010 Steffi Lee brought a home made Ouija board to school . At recess and lunch we used it and we spoke to ' Sam ' then we used it and spoke to ZOZO . The first time we spoke to him he told us to get rid of Sam , so we did . Then we asked him if he could tell the future and he said ' yes ' . He told me that my boyfriend was going to break up with me in 1 month , and he did . We asked him how he knows that and he told us he could kill us . We didn 't know what he meant by that but Steffi wanted to keep going . It scared the hell out of both of us . At first I thought that Steffi was moving it but she wasn 't . I didn 't use the Ouija board for about 3 months but than Steffi came up to me and asked me to use it again , so I did . We spoke to him for 2 hours straight and he told us that he liked Steffi and then he asked her out . She said no and he got really angry he said that we should watch our selves so we said goodbye and we left . We left when we did ZOZO possessed her and made her jump off a building . Nobody believes me when I tell them this story but I don 't care . I believe it and I know the truth and I 'm not fussed if nobody believes me because nobody does . I really miss her and really want her back . Please take my advise and never use a Ouija board . Bye Bye Me and a couple of friends start using it around 3 . We started by asking its name and it replied " za " . So we started asking random questions like are you good or evil . And it replied evil . We asked if it wanted to hurt us it replied I want to posses and kill you . I had a feeling it was talking to me . We did ask how old it was and the number was in the thousands . After it he wanted to posses me , my friend asked why haven 't you and it said I was too powerful . In a way I was kind of happy . That 's the reason I think it stuck around . So after that we kinda left it alone . That next day we Googled " Za " and didn 't find anything . We found " ZaZa " but no Za . . . so the next day I went back to my house in the Hollow . That 's where everything started happening . I sleep in the living room and like every night at 3 : 30 I hear it wake up . I 'm thinking it moved with me to my house . Cabinets would open and close banging against the wood . I tried to find an explanation on how it would but couldn 't find anything . I haven 't seen any shadows yet . . . but at first it was just noises . Then he started hurting me . At 2 : 00 at night I was going outside to call my friend . And just as soon as I was about to walk out the door , I felt something grab my shoulder kinda like warning me not to go outside . But I did anyways . About 30 seconds after I went outside I felt a burn in my neck , it hurt . I held my hand on it till it stopped hurting . About a minute later it stopped and I went back inside after talking to her . I went to a mirror and I looked where the burn was and there were five two inch claw marks down my neck . That next day I told my mom . She freaked . So that night I made my own Ouija board to ask it what was going on . When I put my hand on it I froze . . . I was kinda possessed . I got up grabbed a razor and it made me give it blood . My blood spread all over the board . After it covered it I was released and covered my arm up . So I ripped up the board ( wow this is limited I cant tell it all ) . Right before Christmas 1 year ago , we had a Christmas show for our parents . This time , me and some friends wanted to sing , and while we waited for our rehearsals to begin , we figured that we should try out our homemade Ouija board . We were five girls , me included , and we sat down in the wardrobe right beside the gym . Then we said : " We call at you , good spirits . Come to our glass . " Or something like that . . . I don 't remember exactly what we said . We all put one finger at the glass , and the leader asked : Are there any good spirits here ? Vanessa ? Is this true ? we asked her . She just nodded , still looking at the glass . Me and the other girls was really concerned about her , and asked if she wanted to continue talk to him . Again she nodded . - To be sure , we want to know when you died . ( I just have to say now : me and the other girls had no idea when he died ! So none of us at this moment , could 've moved the glass ) - Goodbye , he said . I saw Vanessa moved a little , and her tears couldn 't stop running down her face . She told us that her grandfather died without the chance to say goodbye . I felt my eyes teared up , and I started crying to . Actually , everyone cried . It 's one of the saddest moments in my life . Cause I 'm thinking : None of us girls knew anything about Vanessa 's grandfather , so we couldn 't have moved the glass . Of course Vanessa could , but why would she make herself cry ? And for the record : She 's a terrible actor ! This story is 100 % true . When I was 8 I went to a friends sleepover ( Scary Sleepover Stories ) and we tried something called a Ouija board and there were 6 of us in a circle and it was midnight . We were half way through midnight still playing with the board when one of my friends dozed off . A second later he woke up screaming . We though he was just trying to scare us but then after a couple minutes we decided he had a nightmare . When we calmed him down he was still shivering and very frightened . He started to tell us what happened . He said a demon called legion told him that he was going to die because he was shivering my other friend shut the window I went to talk to him then we both saw an evil face in the window smiling at us . My friends face lit on fire but it wasn 't burning him it was boiling and then it just stopped and he just looked at me fine but scared . We all decided to go to sleep . I woke up and decided to have a pillow fight the time had just gone to three thirty . I woke up my friend that was at the window earlier and sneaked up to the boy that had the nightmare and hit him with the pillows . He didn 't move . We both realized he was stone cold dead . We woke up the parents and ambulances and police came they said he died of natural causes . We went to the bathroom to get some tissues and saw what we now know as Bloody Mary . One week later my friend that was with me at the window and bathroom was dead . He came up to me at school in the morning saying he was possessed I thought he was joking . I was 17 when I first bought a Ouija board . It was summer time when I got home that evening from shopping . So later that night I asked my sister to play she said okay so we went to my bedroom and sat across from each other on floor and lit a couple candles . The board started to move after bout 15 minutes of trying to get hold of someone . We asked for a name and it spelled out AZ . So we started asking questions about ourselves and it was telling us the truth . Me and my sister kept playing the board game from time to time after that . Finally one night I was hanging out with a couple of my friends in my room listening to music . When I mentioned that I had a Ouija board they all stopped doing whatever they were doing and all wanted to play so I said okay . We did the same thing , Us four sat on my bedroom floor lit some candles and waited . Finally after about 10 minutes we got hold of someone . It started to move but not make sense when my buddy started saying rude stuff to the Ouija board then the board stopped moving then I asked who was there then again it spelt out AZ . I told my friends about AZ how when me and my sister played we always got this one character . So we started asking questions . I asked what we were going to do tonight so AZ told us we all were going to go out and party , find money and buy 2 - 6 of Bacardi bootleg price off my friend . We all laughed because we didn 't believe then finally about 11 we got bored of the game and said our good byes . We were all in the living when we all decided to go for a walk so we did . We were walking in the path when my buddy found a wallet with money in there . We all didn 't think of the Ouija board when we decided to have a few drinks so I said I know where to find a bootleg so we all went walking to my friends place . When we got there my friend started freaking out when I said remember when we were playing the Ouija board said we were going to find money and party and buy bootleg ? Then we all were thinking so I knocked on the door my buddy opened then we asked him if he has anything but he told he only had 2 - 6ers so I told him I 'll take it . A couple minutes later my heart started pumping . I told him it better not be Bacardi then he 's like why ? Then he showed me it was a 2 - 6 of Bacardi then that 's when I started to freak out . About three months after I bought the board I asked my mother to play . First she didn 't wanted to but I made her . . . this time we played in the dining room . There was me , my sister , my mom and her boyfriend . We sat at the table and lit candles . The moment we all put our hand of the mover it started going crazy spinning around . Finally it stopped and we asked is anyone there then it went to yes . we asked for its name then it spelt out AZ then I told my mom this is the one me and my sister always gets . . . We asked our questions and it answered right then finally it kept on spelling I love you . Then my mom asked who do you love then it spelled out you then it started going crazy again . Then my mom asked who are you ? Then the AZ spelled out U R MY MOM . My mother just let go and started to cry . We all stooped . I looked at my sister confused then my mom said that 's my baby then my mom told us that she had a miscarriage and that the baby would of been Aaron Zander . . . We all freaked out when she said that . I saw my friend Ashleigh crying , so I walked over and she told me she use to have this painting of ' The Crying Boy ' which has a curse . ( Google : the curse of the crying boy ) and that painting was found in many houses , where there had been fires , and only that had survived , and if you know what it does , it will burn your house down . So we were all getting really worried . It started like most stupid events happen out of extreme boredom . Our first spirit came to us on our third séance ( note : the more you use the board the higher chance you have of channeling a spirit ) . The spirit told us that its name is BDWC . He said that he died in 2000 at the age of 11 . He left after that . We ended the séance . We tried again about an hour later . This time we met a spirit named Jeff who was as old as BDWC and died the same year which made me a little suspicious . We asked were he was after that and he replied B . E . H . I . N . D I asked him to move the glass towards whoever he was behind . And of course it was me he was behind . After that he moved the glass toward the candle directly in front of me . It almost burned me . I asked him if he was trying to burn me and he told me yes . We immediately ended the séance but not without some resistance from Jeff . If you think that was bad it took a horrible turn . My friend invited me to spend the night . I agreed and brought my Ouija board , candle , and lighter . We waited till about 1 : 00 am . and started the séance . We started and almost immediately got a spirit . My friends chickened out and just watched . We asked the name and it replied D . E . M . U . S . K . U . S . which freaked me but my friends more . Then I asked if he was a good spirit and he replied N . O . and I was frozen in fear . I asked him to depart but he refused . I finally made him depart and ended the séance . It sounds lame here but if you were there you would have been freaked out . After that we just watched some TV but I felt extremely jumpy and out of body . I knew I was there but at the same time I felt like I was looking right at myself . Then I saw the door crack open and a darker than the room black just slimed in and when I told my friends to look it was gone . I saw a white orb float near my ear and in it I heard demonic and torturing screams for about 10 seconds . After that I called my mom and they came to pick me up . I 'm never messing with a Ouija board unless my big brother 's around playing . For three days in October 2009 my wife and I experienced what could only be described as demonic activity in our third floor flat , which we had not long moved into . After countless evenings of boredom my wife suggested that we make our own Ouija board and see for ourselves if it worked . We made the Ouija board using a pizza box we had from the night before and using a site on the internet as a guide , we used a marker pen to draw out the board . We laid the board on the coffee table and lit some candles . Using a small glass as the planchette we started asking the typical questions like " Is there anybody here with us ? " etc . After ten minutes of asking these questions and not getting any answers we decided to give up . We blew out the candles and placed the Ouija board on the floor out of the way . It was now around 9 : 30 pm when the phone rang , it was my mate Ben , he wanted to know if he could borrow a DVD which he and his girlfriend hadn 't seen yet . Being the good friend that I am , I said I 'd drop it off right away . My wife came with me for company . This is where the story gets interesting . As we were driving back towards the flat my wife was the first to notice that there was someone standing on our balcony . At first we thought it was the second floor until we realized it was definitely ours . We then thought it must have been our landlord checking in on us , but when we got to the front door of the flat it was locked . We went inside and found that nobody was there and I immediately phoned the landlord . I felt quite bad because he asked me what the problem was as I had just woken him up . I didn 't tell him anything at this point . We then went to the second floor where the director of the building lives and asked if he had been in the flat to which he replied " no " . We went back up to the flat and noticed that the Ouija board had been moved back on to the coffee table with the letters C - E - F - I - L - R - U scratched out and the glass had been split in two . We both freaked out at this point and in a panic I grabbed the bored , ripped it up and threw it in the bin . Looking back I wish I hadn 't ripped the board up because the next two days for us was completely dreadful . I 've used the same Ouija Board many many times before . On the morning of June 19 , 2010 , I was having a session alone in my parent 's room while they were gone . I had the news on . I asked if the spirit I usually talk to was here ( I will call him Terry , it 's not his name though ) . The planchette glided over to " No " . That was VERY unusual . Terry was always there . And the planchette never glided on the board before . I then asked , " If you are not Terry , then what is your name ? " It spelt out L - U - C - I , and after a few moments , F - E - R . I squealed . " Is it really Lucifer ? " The planchette quickly glided to yes and then quickly moved in circles . My attention then turned to the TV . It was talking of the 4 day festival in Pakistan . The planchette glided to " No " over and over . I asked , " What do you mean " no " ? " It spelled out N - O - T - O - T - H - E - T - V - S - H - O - W . " That crocodile legend is crap isn 't it ? " It swiftly replied with a " yes " . I yawned . The planchette began moving . S - T - O - P - N - O - W . " Why ? " U - W - I - L - D - I - E . " Why Will I die ? " E - N - E - R - G - Y - L - O - W . " Okay , See you later . " O - K - A - Y . The planchette began moving in circles . And then it stopped . I took the board to my room and put it away . And that is my story of talking to " Lucifer " . I did not fabricate this story . And I 'd please like to ask all of you not to tell me to " accept " " god " , or pray . I don 't do such frivolous things . And not to post novel - long comments on how Ouija Boards , or anything of that sort , is " Evil " . It was dark outside at about 2 AM and I felt this urge to go and use my super old Ouija Board . everyone was asleep and my insides were screaming No , No , No don 't use it ! My dad is super religious and would say exactly that because he believes it 's evil and not a game . But when I was that young I thought it was just a game and so I played it . I asked if anyone was there . It moved to Yes . I asked where it was , It said Darkness . I said your in Hell aren 't you , it moved to Yes . I asked how did you die , It said Possession . at that point I was completely freaked out and threw it in our pond . I went back to my room and there it was sitting on the letter ' n ' ( the last letter in possession ) I said to myself , " I thought I threw you out . " So I went to the pond and buried it deep in the mud . I went back to my room and it was still there . I took it out to the pond once more and it was finally gone . The next day I was at school and I had a strange urge to go to the restroom . Strange because I didn 't drink or eat anything yet since yesterday . So I asked and I went to the restroom . I washed my hands and was starting to fix my hair , I looked in the mirror and saw a strange figure . Like a little boy with red eyes and brown messy hair . He disappeared and whispered in my ear , Beware . I could literally feel the breath when he was whispering to me . I was freaked out because I looked back in the mirror and there was blood on my forehead . I screamed so loud a female teacher came rushing into the restroom saying , Kimberly what happened ! I felt my forehead and the blood was gone but I felt something on my forearm I reached up my sleeve and looked at the teacher and gulped I felt a thick watery substance and I KNEW it was blood . I pulled my hand out and showed the teacher . Her eyes got wide and pulled up my sleeve and saw nothing no scratches at all . and most importantly . . no blood . She stuttered and said , Kimberly , What 's wrong with you . I started crying and said I don 't know . . . She called my parents and I went home . My mother said , Why did they send you home ? you don 't have a fever or scratches . . . Do you ? I said , " Sort of . . . I reached up my sleeve and took it out and she saw blood . She did the same thing the teacher did , pulled my sleeve up . and she also saw nothing . yet she touched my skin and saw blood on her hand . She was worried but was sure it would be gone by tomorrow . But it wasn 't . At night I started to get out of bed and went to the basement . I woke up and asked myself why I was here . The little boy and his friends appeared and took me someplace dark for the rest of the night ( it was 10 : 25 PM ) They took me to Hell for one night . Finally I prayed to God to let me out and they all screamed in pain and disappeared . I was finally in my basement again I ran to my room to find my parents praying at my bed and crying . I ran to them and hugged my parents . I could 've sworn it felt like a lifetime . THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE TRUE STORY BEWARE OF THE LITTLE BOY One night , I went to my grandpa 's old property : It was for sale . My mom used to baby - sit there when she was about twelve . She said that when every one was sleeping , she would feel like she was being watched . She would hear footsteps on the stairs . Her own nephew saw a woman in old - fashioned clothes behind him when he would shave in the mirror . I read up on ghosts , paranormal , etc . , etc . , blah , blah , blah . One night , I found old tape recorders , a Ouija board , and two friends of mine , Nala and Katrina , came over . We went over to the so - called " haunted " house . I put one of their camcorders on night - vision , put that one in the bathroom , where her nephew saw the woman . We set everything up , and started messing around with the Ouija board . Then we decided to play with it . We set a tape - recorder up by the board , and turned it on . Then we started laughing , how crazy we were to be doing this . . . I think that intrigued the ghost . We asked if anyone was there : yes - who is it : Lucille F . Fargo . We found it . I knew a little bit about this person already , she wrote a few books , I have read one of them . I asked what her favorite book was that she has ever written : Rocky Road . That was what this town used to be called , in the 1880 's ; When Lucille lived . Why : it slid over to I 'm Not Sure / I 'm Not Telling You . What her favorite childhood song was ? : The House That Jack Built . Just As the book said . Do you feel safe here ? : Yes . Are You the one causing the footsteps , reflections , and feelings of being watched ? : Some of it . Who has been doing what you don 't do ? Then it went straight to farewell . Our session was over . We picked everything up and went back to my house . We reviewed the " evidence " if that is what you must call it . My friend Nala was wearing her glasses during the Ouija session . One part of the recording ( Electronic Voice Phenomenon ) I heard I like your glasses Nala . I showed to her the voice , she has been to this place before . She said she heard that same thing before , only I like your shirt . That was all the important stuff , so . . . A few days later I asked my mom about " Prairie Girl " again . She said she found a porcelain doll head ( Haunted Doll Stories ) . She still had it , too . The hair was disintegrated , face worn . And that is all I remember . I will never forget her . Jenna was my best friend . She was mostly my sister , since I had no parents . My relatives were on the other side of the world , though I never knew where . They had no idea that I was an orphan , so I had to stay with Jenna and her mother . A few years later , it was her birthday , and she decided to have a sleepover . There were 4 of us . Me , Jenna , Elissa and Aamna . This was when the nightmare began . We ended a game of Truth or Dare , then we had a vote of what to do next . Somehow we ended up choosing to play the Ouija Board . Jenna pulled it out of the back of her closet . It was brand new , and she said that she was saving it for the party . We all watched as she set down the board , then the magnifying glass thing . " This might not be safe , " she has said . " So I 'll be the one doing it . " Jenna lightly put her middle and index finger on the magnifying piece , then the same with her other index and middle finger . She stared hard at the board , concentrating , focusing . She chanted something , I forgot what it was , then waited . We all waited , anxious . Then the piece began to move ; it vibrated lightly under Jenna 's fingers . Someone squealed . The magnifying piece slowly slid to W . Aamna grabbed a pad and a pen from a desk , then wrote the letters as the piece slid down the board : W , H , A , T . " what ? " I said , confused , then noticed there was more . D , O , Y , O , U , W , A , N , T . Before Jenna could slam the things back in it 's box , the piece moved again . Her hands were practically glued to it . The piece was darting faster and faster around the board , and poor Aamna had to write faster and faster to keep up . ' You have done something wrong , ' the board spelled . ' its rude to leave someone without saying goodbye . ' And Jenna just dropped . She dropped to the ground from her heels , and didn 't get up . The chill in the room faded , but we all felt like we were buried in ice . I checked her pulse gingerly . Jenna was dead . Two weeks later I had a dream . First of all it was black , and I seemed to be walking into the darkness , then the place started twinkling with stars . I continued walking , then running , and soon started to fall and fall . Then , I think , I was in a room , and standing in front of me was a girl with shoulder length blond hair tied in a ponytail . She had chubby and rosy cheeks . The girl looked familiar . Maybe a distant school friend . " hello . " I said . " You know I 'll be watching you , " the girl said , as if I hadn 't even spoken . Her eyes were pure black . " you know I 'll be there for you . Tell Mother I say hello . " And the girl just fell flat on her back . I had woken up with a very tiny gasp , sweating and clutching the blanket . I closed my eyes and tried to remember my dream , then it all came flooding back to my head . That girl was Jenna . One day I was one hour late to college and I called my friends . They called me to that secret room and asking not to make any noise and not to tell anyone else where I am going . . . I thought they turned mad . . . . when I reached them they had a paper written alphabets A to Z and number 0 to 9 . . . . and a coin placed in between around which yes and no were written . I asked what were they doing they whispered that they are calling a spirit . I thought it was just kind of a joke , they were trying to scare me , but they all were looking serious . Three of them kept their fingers on the coin and they closed their eyes . A few minutes later we found the coin vibrating and moving to the alphabets saying H - E - L - L - O . I said you girls are trying to fool me . The coin moved again I - A - M - R - A - H - U - L then a slight pause , M - I - N - I - A - M - N - O - J - O - K - E . I felt a chill in my spine . Sweat and tears appeared on my face . Those girls who kept fingers on the coin asked a few questions and that he answered . Questions asked about him were answered too . I got scared but somehow asked him about my personals . He initially answered but later on he wrote I - R - R - I - T - A - T - A - T - E - D . . . D - O - N - O - T - A - S - K - . . . E - L - S - E . . . M - A - K - E - Y - O - U - R - L - I - F - E - H - E - L - L . I forced my friends to stop the nonsense as I was much too scared at that time but those girls were enjoying it . Almost an hour later they ended up the process but the boy was not ready to go . Very difficult it was at that time to get rid of that spirit , but somehow he went away . Those girls asked me to put that coin deep inside the mud so that no one would ever see the coin or else something wrong might happen . They burned the paper too . For a week I was feeling quite scared and I did not share it with anyone . I sometimes feel something is putting pressure on me and trying to kill me at night while sleeping . I do hear some kinda voices very clearly but see no one around . I asked my mother about it she said it was all my imagination nothing happened . That thing kept haunting my mind for quite a long time . Even I had some bad experiences , very very bad due to which I even tried to commit suicide cutting my veins deep . Those experiences I thought were due to what he said to me while I asked too many questions . That thing haunted me so much that I am in depression for almost 1 1 / 2 year . No one understood why I am behaving so badly or unusually . One of my cousins , who is deep into the astrology things , suggested me to go to temples or perform prayers to get rid of thing if I feel something near me . I don 't know if it was prayer or what but with the passage of time I stopped feeling those pressures at night , haunting things around me , haunting voices around me , shadows in room . But even till now I light a full tube while sleeping at night . I cannot sleep in dark room till now . Even those friends who tried the Ouija board for fun sake but it really haunted me deeply . I want to say that these things are not to be used ever . You use it for fun but it might be very very dangerous . Here is how it all started . My brother got a Ouija board for his birthday . And he used it at my moms house . And it worked . Then My brother and my cousin do it during the day in a bathroom with lights off and candle at my dads house . They asked it " are there any spirits with us ? " it goes to yes and it says its name is Tyler and he is 10 and he hung himself because his mom abused him . So my brother told me and then I wanted to do it so me brother and my cousin did it in the bathroom and it was Tyler again . He said he liked us , me and my brother , and he follows us where ever we go . I sometimes feel his presence . One night , my brother was at my dads house , me too but I was in my dads room and he was up stairs in his room . My brother was on the computer in his room . Suddenly the door swung open and a spinning black and white thing spun into his bathroom where we did the Ouija board last . It looked like a tornado . Sometimes I do feel his presence and when we used the Ouija board one last time Tyler was there and he said , " I want to hurt you and gag you " . It creeped me out so much I ran outside . I could not be in that house . But Tyler still follows us and I know he is there . I actually think he is a harmless little boy . He just needs a family again . Oh and Tyler knew God and when we asked if he knew our dead grandma it said yes , but his mom would not let us talk to her . And he knew my dog Polly that died from cancer 2 or 3 years ago . He said he was looking at her right now . That made me cry and get chills . Have you ever had this happen to you ? Comment ? My friends , started to become interested the occult , so did I . So we hung out and tried the Ouija board . It moved and we asked typical questions such as " how old are you ? " and whatever . Nothing strange happened so we said that it didn 't work ( we did sign the ' so - called ' spirit out ( just in case ) . That summer , me and a pal got together to play the board again . But this time something happened , we contacted a devil worshiping spirit that happened to be love obsessed with Satan ; it turned out that she was a he / she ( seriously was both genders ) and tried to take off my shirt . I did not like this " LOLA " so we signed her / him out . Later , we tried our luck again ( no we didn 't have a bible ) , and got someone . . . someone no one wants to get . . . SATAN ! We asked his name but he never finished cause we signed him out before he could finish writing his name ( It was spelled SAT . . . ) but when we asked every possibility that it could be , he said no . The room was freaking hot and cold at the same time . Half the room felt like a furnace and the other half felt like a freezer , yes ; we were in between both of the sides of the room . My friend never felt hot , she only felt cold . We tried it again ( this time we had a bible ) and we got someone to sing for us ( yes , its video taped ) . . . But we don 't use a Ouija board anymore because my parents will kill me . I always feel like I 'm being watched and some of my stuff always vanishes when I know where I put it ! But I don 't get hurt or damaged . I 'm always up until 3 am in the morning because even when I share a room , I still feel uncomfortable . I sometimes happen to have dreams that come true and Deja Vu happening . I hear footsteps every now or again but God will rebuke whoever or whatever is evil and protect anyone who asks him to forgive their sins I hope he forgives me for using something forbidden . Why do they sell them in toy stores ? If they clearly work and are forbidden ? Hi , my name is Jennifer . I used to play with the Ouija board and will never play it again . Me , my best friend , and her sister started watchi . . . I 'm Karin and I 'm 19 . I 've recently moved into an older home with my best friend and her dog . The first two weeks we moved in . . . This is a very true story . I always thought the Ouija board was a bunch of crap until it happened to me . Not trying to scare anyone , but r . . . |
This blog was started to make fun of the Homewrecking - Slut . I don 't talk about her much anymore . I do other things with the blog now , but for the most part it 's sort of a diary . So if you don 't care what I had for lunch , and the current post doesn 't interest you , maybe you should check out something in the popular posts section . Recently we have had money problems ( maybe more than usual ) and we are trying to not eat out . We must absolutely not eat out ( though we will probably go to Arby 's on Wednesday , cause we 'll get a free sandwich if we buy a soda ) . We must eat what is already in the house ( or possibly , in the garden ) . So , we must do things to make this easier , or we will give up on the idea and go out and spend more money . Like , we must stop complaining about being too tired to cook or not having time to cook . To speed things up , we have to do stuff ahead of time . Like if we need to make rice to go with dinner , we might as well make extra for the next day and maybe the day after , cause that will save about half a hour . And if chicken is planned for lunch or dinner , I should cut up the chicken in the morning or the night before , cause if I have to do all the work of cutting up a chicken before I can eat , I will probably just give up and go to KFC . Okay , so there is cut up chicken and leftover rice and sometimes there is even cut up veggies already in the frig . So all I have to do is pick some spices and start actually cooking the chicken . And I pick some stuff , but I don 't follow a recipe , cause I looked at some recipes and most of them called for chicken broth and I didn 't have any chicken broth and I really didn 't want to go buy any chicken broth . And how hard can this be anyway ? Okay , so this doesn 't taste too bad , but maybe I should follow a recipe and / or use chicken broth next time . But it really isn 't too bad , and the idea is to use stuff in the house and still make dinner in a reasonable amount of time , and I did that . So I cooked the chicken and the veggies and put it over some rice and then there was this liquid that the chicken was cooked in and I put that over the rice . And then I served dinner . And I guess that I forgot to warm up the rice . Okay , at least I didn 't put the chicken over rice that I forgot to cook . But I did just sort of take it out of the frig and forgot to do anything with it . I thought that I was doing good beforPosted by So , I scheduled myself work in the other part of the house from eight to ten . So I got that done . Well , not exactly . But I did get two hours of work done either in the other part of the house or outside , and I got it done before lunch . And that was really the point , to get a little bit done in areas that it is too warm to work before it really is to warm . And I have been told that part of the reason I feel so bad ( physically ) is that I don 't drink enough water . I hate water . I could drink probably drink gallons of soda , but getting down that recommended two liters of water really seems like a chore to me . If I am not really paying attention , I probably won 't do it . And recently , I haven 't been paying attention . When I was doing the serious digging holes in the garden type stuff , I was drinking plenty of water without really thinking about it . So I hadn 't been paying attention , cause I knew I was drinking lots of water . But then I decided that it was probably too hot to do anymore of that for a while , and I stopped drinking so much water , and I didn 't notice . So that was probably some of what made me feel so bad . I made a point of seeing how much water I drank on Sunday , which was about half of what I needed , and then I made of point of drinking two liters Monday , even if I really didn 't want it . Okay , so two hours of work done before lunch , check . Two liters of water drank yesterday ( though that last half liter wasn 't easy ) , check . And the last disk of an audio book listened to so that we can take it back to the library , check . We then watched the conclusion of Impact . Okay , so this was a new twist on the meteor that will destroy us , but I buy this one even less than Armageddon . Could a meteor hitting the moon be really bad news for us ? Yes . We aren 't even keeping up with what might hit the earth , so we would certainly miss seeing something that might hit the moon , and that could be a problem . Could we fix the problem of having the moon go all crazy on us after being hit with part of a brown dwarf by throwing nucleaPosted by You probably guessed that already . But it didn 't bother me that much when I was younger . It bothered me to be in a car without an air conditioner , and it bothered me if the heat got so bad that it messed up my hair and makeup , but other than that I was used to it . What bothered me was the cold , and I would wear sweaters all the time , and I even took sweaters with me everywhere in the summer in case I might end up somewhere that I thought the air conditioner was on too high . It only started to bother me maybe the last year we were in the apartment . My husband complained about it all the time . I think he got spoiled by our two summers up north . I still didn 't think it was that big of a deal . We only had the one air conditioner in the apartment , and I just thought that if got worse we could just move the bed into the other room , and that would fix that . I think that it is mostly just getting old . Things that used to just be part of life now bother me a lot . I still don 't see the point in complaining about it all the time . I live in Texas , where it is rarely cold most of the time , and the thing that goes with the mild winter is the very hot summer . When you are older and have money , you can be a snowbird . You can live in Texas in the winter and move up north for the summer . But I don 't have money , and even if I had money I am only in my forties , and I think most snowbirds are at least in their sixties . I have started wearing a tank top and shorts . You might not think this is a big deal . It is summer in Texas , and everyone is wearing a tank top and shorts . But I usually don 't . I haven 't liked my legs since I was a teenager , and except for around the house I mostly stopped wearing shorts out in public before that . And now I don 't much care for my arms either , so the tank top is usually out too . Not that I wouldn 't wear them in the house , or out in the garden , but the garden work is mostly over for now , and if I 'm that hot in the house I don 't have to wear any clothes at all if I don 't want to . But the thing is that I 've staPosted by Okay , so if you 've been reading recently , you know that I was supposed to go to this little restaurant with my husband , but on three different occasions something went wrong and I didn 't get to go . The last time we tried , the restaurant was closed because the place was being painted . So yesterday my husband has to take another package to this same area , mainly because he should have put something else in the first package , but he didn 't get the message in time . So he tells me that he has to go over there either Friday or Saturday , and then he asks if I want to go with him to this restaurant . If you have been reading recently , you may also recall that he hasn 't worked much lately , that we are running out of money , and that the unemployment people say that he isn 't supposed to file until the seventh . So we have had discussions about not going out so much . And I 'm going to be really mad if I have to buy something important like groceries or gas or birth control pills , and then he tells me I can 't have any money because we spent twenty dollars on lunch when he knew that he didn 't have anymore money coming in . But , he says this will be the end of him going out for a while . He promises to eat cereal for breakfast and whatever is available here for lunch , and mostly , he has been doing that . So I get dressed and put on makeup and such , and we go to the other side of Dallas and drop off this package . And then we go to the restaurant . The restaurant has a new sign , and it no longer says anything about a lunch buffet on the door . Maybe it has a new owner . But we go inside and it looks the same . So we ask about the buffet , and we are told that it really isn 't a buffet anymore . It isn 't really clear what is going on , but we are told we can only make one trip and we can only have one meat . Okay . Anyway , it was a bit confusing . The waitresses were confused too . I think it was either their second day , or it was the second day since it had changed . So they didn 't know whether or not they were supposed to have the plates out , and they jusPosted by It is starting to bother me that I am not getting anything useful done . Working in the garden is out of the question . Some days I just do not feel well enough to do anything , but the days I feel good I still don 't do much . Yesterday , the bashed finger felt much better . It is hardly noticeable now , and tomorrow I expect it to feel completely normal again . Yesterday was hot and we didn 't go anywhere or do anything , except for us watching TV and him doing stuff on the computer . It is very annoying to know that a whole day ( or several days ) has gone by and nothing has gotten done ( unless you are on vacation or something and had planned on getting nothing done ) . I washed out enough dishes to do breakfast and lunch , made breakfast ( cold cereal ) , made lunch ( pasta , with what little veggies I was able to get out of the garden ) , and watered the plants . That was it . The rest of the day I watched TV . My husband had a similar day , he made pizza for dinner and washed off a screen from one of the air conditioners , and the rest of the day was spent on the computer or watching TV . It 's a rare day that we don 't even run errands or visit the library and literally just lie around and watch TV , but I think we have had a few and are going to have more . So I am having a bit of a rant about the TV , mostly about the annoying digital switchover . So it has been a couple of weeks since the digital switchover nonsense , and I am mostlygetting used to it , but I 'm still having some problems with it . Even before the switchover , there were some problems . Like the VCR doesn 't rewind properly . If you hit the play and rewind buttons and the same time , that 's fine , but it will take a really long time to rewind the whole tape . If you just want to rewind the tape , and you just hit rewind and not play , it tends to the think about it for a moment , and then the power on the VCR goes off . And then when you turn the power back on the VCR ejects the tape . I noticed that would happen once in a while , but over the the last few months it went from happening once inPosted by Though I don 't think that was official . But I did see that temperature on a bank sign when we were out yesterday . We stopped at Sonic to get slushies , and it was noticeably uncomfortable when we rolled down the window to make the order . It is supposed to get a few degrees hotter today and tomorrow . The weather guy was describing something about how such and such happens , but we weren 't going to get enough of something to get any rain . I wasn 't paying attention . I just heard that we weren 't going to get any rain . And then there for a bit the conditions changed slightly , so that there was going to be some rain , and I didn 't water the plants . Well , there was a bit of rain , but not over my house . The temperature dropped down to ninety - six , and then in the evening down to ninety - one , but I didn 't get any rain . So I had to go out and water the plants anyway . I must get used to just watering the plants a lot , even when there might be rain , cause there usually isn 't anyway . Like I should just go ahead and water some , and then when it doesn 't rain I should go back and water some more . Except that the last big rain actually killed four plants . That was weird . And I 've probably killed a couple of things that I tried to transplant , but that is to be expected . After a bit of phone tag , my husband did talk to someone at the unemployment place . They told him to call back on the seventh . He worked last week . He did not work the week before . For this week , next week , and the week after , he is only scheduled to work two days . Not two days each , but two days total . I don 't want to be a bitch and say that we need the money now , but , we need the money now . Why should anyone have to wait until the seventh ? The place is a mess , and I should be cleaning . It is too hot to do garden work outside , and there are places in the house and work that needs to be done , but it is too hot to do that either . It is nice and air - conditioned in these two rooms here , so I should be at least getting that work done , even if I don 't feel just great . But I am not dPosted by Should be the high today , for the first time this year . So it is unpleasantly hot , and it mostly stay that way probably until sometime in September . So I should put the gardening stuff away , except for watering the plants and such . Unfortunately , there is still some work left to do , just on finishing up the recent project . And of course the grass will still need to be cut and all of that . My husband is out now doing just that , as he meant to do that earlier this week but had to go and get more stuff for the weedwacker before he could finish . And I wish that it would rain at least once before I put the mulch over the bulbs I transplanted , but I 'm afraid that it isn 't going to . I will just have to water it and hope that the soil has settled as much as it is going to and go ahead with the mulch . If I wait til we have a good rain the bed will probably get filled with weeds . My husband has had some interest in his new business venture , and he is all excited . I am a bit suspicious of the whole thing . Supposedly , this person wants to hire him for something they plan to do twice a year , and then she wants to recommend him to all of her friends . So that is very nice , except that it sounds a bit much from someone he has never met before . I can see hiring him once and if it all works out hiring him to come back twice a year after that , and then recommending him to everyone else , but she just sounds so happy about the whole thing that she wants to do all that already . It is just me , or is that weird ? Anyway , just in case this does turn into a real job , he has a lot to do . And then he has to figure out when he and the other guy can do the job and do they need to take time off from their regular jobs and so forth . I do not feel as bad as I did Sunday and Monday , but I am still very tired and such for having done almost no work . Yesterday we had a fight over something involving the TV . That wasn 't the excitement . This is what would happen on a regular basis if I weren 't such a nice person . I don 't enjoy fighting , so I usually keep such things to myself . But after having to tell him three times in less than ten minutes not to do something and explaining why he shouldn 't do something and then having to listen to him tell me I 'm the one who is stupid . . . . But that wasn 't the excitement . Later in the day , I was attacked by fire ants . But that wasn 't the excitement either . Anyway , we were watching Impact , which I had recorded the night before . And we were getting comfortable in front of the TV and having snacks and such . We heard the neighbor 's dog bark , but this did not immediately get our attention , as it seems that the neighborhood dogs often find something to bark about . It turns out that a tree cutting service had parked it 's truck on a street parallel to ours , and that was what some of the dogs were barking at , including the dog across the street . A bit after this , my husband looks outside again , and sees that there is someone climbing our tree . And he is securing ropes and such that they do when they get ready to cut part of a tree . So we go outside , and the guy just waves at us . Well , I guess that this has something to do with the fact that last week a large branch fell from that tree and landed in middle of the street at one or two in the morning . I hadn 't thought that they would do anything more about it after they hauled away the debris , but I guess the office decided to trim some more branches so that it didn 't happen again . Still , you would think that they would ask first , or call us , or leave us a note . But none of that had happened . And there was this guy up in our tree , and he didn 't even knock on the door to tell us he was there or anything . We just sort of shrugged and went back inside and watched more TV . After a while the guy is still there , and he 's cutting more branches . We had first thought that he was just cutting around where thePosted by It is getting old , I know . I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired . It is just that today I feel awful and have no explanation for it . So I don 't like that . There doesn 't seem to be anything wrong , so I can 't go and fix whatever it is . I have gotten used to being quite done in by doing just the smallest amount of work . That is sort of normal . If you do a lot of work in the garden , you get tired . And after you 've done a lot of work in the garden , maybe you are still stiff and sore the next day . So that is normal , just that I get that way from doing a lot less work than a lot of other people would have done before they would whine of feeling bad the way I do . So I get that . What I do not get is that I haven 't done serious garden work since Wednesday or Thursday , and I feel like I did a lot of work yesterday . I rather feel like I spent the night in a strange motel room that didn 't have a good mattress and couldn 't get any sleep . Only I spent the night in my own comfortable bed and got plenty of sleep . Not all the way straight through eight hours sleep , but when I woke up and three in the morning I feel back asleep quickly enough . Friday I did a bit of work trying to find that scarf , but not that much work . Not like digging big holes in the garden type work . Saturday I stayed up a bit late with my friends , but not that late . I 'm pretty sure that I was in bed and asleep before two . So being out late might explain being a little tired yesterday , but that 's about it . And even if staying out was the explanation for not feeling great yesterday , I should not still feel that way today . Saturday day I did not find my giant scarf . But I have plenty of other long scarves and tried to make one of them work . I 'm not sure that having the giant scarf would have helped anything . Anyway , I was sure that I got more laughs than anyone else , but I still didn 't win anything . After that , several of my friends saw me in a swimsuit . I don 't think that I look great in the swimsuit right now , though I probably look better than most of them . Posted by How does one lose a giant scarf anyway ? Okay , I have enough junk now that it is near impossible to find much of anything . And there is a lot of yarn and several scarves about . But you would think that there are limited places that one could put a scarf that is over twenty feet long . So how did I lose the damned thing ? After having problems with flooding and later with some mice , I have figured out that things I really do not want damaged have to be stored in plastic storage bins . So what is the problem ? Just look in the plastic bins . The problem is that most of the bins are not clear plastic , or at least not clear enough that I can see what is inside them without opening the boxes . And we have like forty boxes . That is , we have forty boxes that are 18 gallon size or larger . We have many other smaller boxes . So I was quite certain that I knew where the giant scarf was , as I had several of the clear boxes under the bed , and I could see that they contained scarves , even if I could not make out which scarves in particular were there . And the underbed boxes are rather difficult to get at , and I tell to put stuff in them that I rarely need to take out . Like giant scarves . So today when I took these boxes out from under the bed , I was very surprised the particular scarf wasn 't in one of them . And now I don 't know where else it could be . I 'm trying to look in the other boxes , but I have checked all of them that are convenient to get to . The ones that I haven 't yet looked in are mostly the ones at the bottom of the stack , or behind another stack , or would otherwise require me moving something heavy , and I usually don 't put anything in those boxes except for clay stuff , because they are so difficult to get to and the heavy stuff should go on the bottom . I suppose that it could be someplace else . It could be in a regular cardboard box , if I thought to thoroughly wrap it in plastic and put it high up on a shelf . But I 've checked most of those places too , and I can 't think of what to do next . I am really and truly , mind - numbingly disorgPosted by Perhaps . For this year , anyway . So , as you know from the last post my little community recently had an election for three seats on our board of directors . And all three people who were on the board running for re - election lost , and one of them demanded a new vote based on the fact that a new rule wasn 't followed . And the three new people who claimed that they had rightful won the election went out and got a lawyer to draft a letter threatening to sue the three guys not wanting to leave office , the president of the board , and perhaps our little community in general . Or we could just let them have the board seats that they were probably elected to anyway . The board sought legal advice , and while it is true that the new rule was not correctly followed , no one seriously thinks this resulted in any type of fraud that would have changed the outcome of the election . Really , the only point of having a new election was if they thought that someone had taken out the ballots and changed the votes , making it look like the new people won when they hadn 't . And no one really thought that anyone did that . So there was really no point in having a second election if there was no fraud . So there was a special board meeting to vote on whether or not to have this second election . Only board members who did not have a seat in dispute were allowed to vote , so there were an even number of voting board members . There was a tie . So the president of the board had the tie - breaking vote , and it was decided not to have a second election . The three new guys were so happy that they made copies of some of this and taped them to everybody 's doors yesterday . They added a paper inviting everyone to this meet and greet thing , with cake and soda , to be followed by a crimewatch meeting . There was no date on the invitation , so we thought that they meant yesterday . So several of us drove to the office and a couple of us walked over to see what was going on . Only it was after five , and the office people had gone home . I would have at least thought that they wouPosted by If you are a regular reader , you may recall that on the first Tuesday of this month I voted in our little community election . There were nine people running for three seats on the board . I usually vote based on who writes the best flyer , and if you don 't send me a flyer , I can 't vote for you . I figure that anyone who cannot be bothered to send out a flyer doesn 't really want to be on the board anyway . So I received four flyers , and that meant that I only had to really think about two of the guys who were running against each other . Two days later , I found a note on the door that said we would have to do the election over , because there was some problem and someone complained , and that the only fair thing for everybody was to have a second election . Later I got a letter in the mail ( not correctly addressed , but I got it anyway ) , claiming that the election had been properly held the first time , and that one of the losers was claiming that a new rule wasn 't followed , and that was the reason that a second election was requested . According to the new rule , the ballet box is supposed to be locked in the office safe overnight instead of being left locked in the election place or taken home by the guy in charge of the election . But no one seems to know anything about this new rule , because it was supposedly made at the last board meeting , and the minutes haven 't been typed up yet , and the board won 't let anyone hear the tapes of the meeting . The letter also included the election results . There were three people that only got five or ten votes each from their friends , probably because they didn 't send out any flyers . The three guys that held office didn 't win either , possibly because only one of them sent out a flyer . Basically , the three guys I voted for got about twice as many votes as the guys currently on the board . The current board member with the least votes is the guy who asked for a re - vote based on the fact that the new rule about using the safe was not enforced . According to this letter , as I suspected , only 145 of Posted by Yesterday I worked on my current garden project on and off until about four , which is at least four hours more than normal . But I had a lot of work to make up for , since the ground has been too wet to do much since Wednesday . And I know that it was just terribly hot , but it didn 't seem as hot as the day before , so I just kept working . Problems come up when you work in the heat like that . Even with taking so many breaks that I end up spending just as much time watching television as I do working , that still seems like a lot of work to me , and you get hot and you sweat . And I ended up with a painful itchy backside . So later we went to dinner and KFC , and after that we watched True Blood , and I found being in the seated position most uncomfortable . We tried watching some more stuff after True Blood , but I decided that I liked the lying down position much better , so I went in the other room , even though there was no new TV to watch . So I maybe fell asleep a bit sooner than usual , but not by much . At about two in the morning , there seemed to be someone going from house to house to bang on a window or something , and then running away . The dogs would bark at them a bit , but there wasn 't like anyone yelling fire or anything . So I thought it was a prank and tried to go back to sleep . The knock at the window was repeated , and this time it woke up my husband . The last time anyone knocked on our door or window at two in the morning , it was at a motel , and it turned out to be a crazy person . So I was still thinking that I should just try to go back to sleep . If it was a fire or an emergency of some kind , we would hear yelling and such outside . My husband had a look out the window . He said there was a mob of people outside . A mob of people ? Like in Frankenstein ? Anyway , there were a lot of people outside , mostly neighbors , and a few people who worked there . So my husband gets dressed and goes outside , and he doesn 't wait for me to get dressed and go with him . Then he comes back in and says that a tree has fallen on my car . Not really , buPosted by Friday I went to a couple of Walmarts , a Michaels , and a Hobby Lobby . I should have done all of that about a week earlier , but I was concentrating on the garden project , and then there was all that rain , and the day after that they were advising everyone to stay at home if you did not absolutely have to be out . I didn 't think that a craft project qualified as something I absolutely had to go out for . So Friday morning I hit all the usual places ( except for Jo Ann 's Fabric ) , looking for stuff to make a witch hat and other stuff that might go with a witch costume . Next month we 'll be promoting the new Harry Potter movie , and also Saturday I 'll have a use for some the costume , so I need to get on with making the hat . At the first Walmart I did not find the textured felt that I needed , and I was about to leave when I thought I might as well look over the discounted fabric . And I found a remnant that I wanted , and I found some other interesting black fabric that almost matches I dress that I have . So I thought that I should have about two yards of this fabric , just in case I should want to add something to the dress . Now , cutting fabric is not brain surgery , but you aren 't allowed to do it yourself in the store , and you can 't just get any passing employee to do it for you either . There are a limited number of people at a Walmart who are allowed to perform that particular task , and also they have to have this particular gizmo to put a proper sales tag on the fabric which is different from most of the other sales tags , and there are a limited number of these gizmos to go around and a limited number of employees who use them . So I did not see an employee in the fabric department , and after looking around a bit for one I figured that she was either on break , or else she 'd been ordered to go off and do something that wasn 't normally supposed to be her job , because the store thinks that just waiting around to help someone doesn 't count as work and they find other things for you to do on the other side of the store if you don 't lPosted by My husband has had the last week and a half off , without pay , and we didn 't have anything to speak of in savings either . So when you have a week and a half off , and you should be off on a trip or something , we have been at home most of the time , except for maybe seeing a couple of movies . So we have spent some time together . And then there 's been time just sort of being in each other 's way , or at least , trying to stay out of each other 's way . Until Tuesday , I had a certain garden project to keep me busy . But it is June in Texas , and it is hot , though it is not as hot as it is going to get . So I go outside in the morning , and my first thought is actually something like it is too cool for my liking , and that I should go back inside . But a bit of actual work cures me of thinking that it isn 't warm enough . And of course the rest of the day is plenty warm . But I can 't do very much work all at once , even in the morning when it is somewhat cool . I go outside and dig or something for maybe half an hour , and then I go back inside and watch TV for between ten minutes or an hour . Only there isn 't anything to watch on TV . There isn 't even anything that I taped on TV the night before . So instead of watching TV on the TV , I 'm watching something on Hulu or YouTube or something like that on the computer . Anyway , about half of the time this works out just fine . My husband bought a new laptop , and he has been in the other room doing photoshop stuff and other such stuff , and sometimes playing a computer game , and he 's half watching some new music video channel that we now have because of the digital TV thing . So that is mostly okay . Except the laptop isn 't hooked up to the Internet , and sometimes he needs the Internet . And sometimes when I am halfway through watching something I go outside and dig in the dirt , and then I come back in the house to find him on this computer , and I have to wait for him to do whatever it is that he 's doing before I can go back to doing what I was doing . And there is nothing for me to do except wait . If thePosted by I think this is going to end up being much too long to put in a comment . Okay , this is the discussion so far : bulletholes said . . . i HAEN ' T BEEN TO SEE THE NEW MOVIE YET , BUT i ' VE BEEN GEARING UP FOR IT . i WATCHED " fINAL fRONTIER ( OPPS ) because I like that one , then got " Generations " . Generations was cute , but on the whole disappointing to a non - Trekkie . From what I understand , I can watch this new one without needing to see the others . For a non - Trekkie who never saw anything after " 5 " , ( except the recent view of Generations ) which of these newer films , in 20 words or less , would you recommend ? 5 / 29 / 2009 11 : 16 AM laughingattheslut said . . . Now that is a tough one , especially since I am a Trekkie , and it is hard to think from the point of view of someone who is not . Generally speaking , I think that most people like the newest movie ( the current movie is number 11 ) , though some of us Trekkies from way back cannot get past some of the mistakes . Of the movies 6 - 10 , my favorite is number 8 , First Contact . It has both the borg and the man who first invented warp drive ( though this version of the character is very different from the one seen in the original series back in the sixties ) . Without getting too much into what the borg are , just know that they are the type of alien that you have to stay away from or you will become one of them ( like Invasion of the Body Snatchers , Puppet Masters , Invaders from Mars , or The Thing , etc . . . ) I would think that the favorite Star Trek movie for basic non - trekkies would be number 4 , where they go back to our time to get a couple of humpback whales . It is very funny and you don 't have to know anything about the Federation or Klingons or any of that to get what is going on . But you said that you already saw that one . Funny that you like number 5 . Most people hate it . Number 6 has been compared to us trying to be friends with the Soviet Union after something really bad happens to them , like Chernobyl . Number 7 you saw . I think that they were trying to make both the original series fans happy and at the Posted by A couple of months ago , my husband and someone he works with were talking about something to do with their new business venture . And they had something that they were going to do in May that was in a city on the other side of Dallas . And then they were saying that when they finished they should go and have this nice lunch at this Mediterranean place that the other guy liked . And then I was invited to go with them . There was no reason that I should go to this thing , they just thought that I would like to go to lunch with them afterwards . We could either go to this place that the other guy liked , or if the wait was too long , we could go to this little Greek restaurant near a place that my husband had worked recently . So I sort of agreed , depending on what day it was . And they told me that it was on a certain Sunday . Great , unless I had to do something with my friends to get ready for the Star Trek movie , I would like to go to lunch with them . The Saturday before this was supposed to happen , the guy calls back and says that he got the dates mixed up , and the date for all of this was the next Sunday . The next Sunday was Mother 's Day . So of course I could not go with them . Besides the fact that it was Mother 's Day and I would be going to eat lunch with my mother , I had all this stuff to do that weekend for the Star Trek movie . So that was the first time I didn 't go to the Greek restaurant . A few weeks later , my husband and this guy were talking , and again they had something to do , and they discussed a day and such . And again my husband said that I should go with him , that it probably wouldn 't that long , and again this should put them on the other side of Dallas near this Greek restaurant that my husband liked . So again I agreed to go . So on the day that they are supposed to meet , the guy calls and he has to do something in Irving , and could my husband meet him there instead ? So that was the second trip to the Greek restaurant cancelled . The other guy had to go out of town for about three weeks for his regular job . While he waPosted by Tuesday I went and voted in our little community elections . It is a little thing , but the past few years it has created some drama . Anyway , I go in , and a nice old couple is there . And the lady asks for my address and my name , and she apologizes for taking a minute to find me , and says something about it being different than last year and it is just taking her longer to find people . But she does find me , and I sign next to my name . She doesn 't ask for my ID or anything . The old man then hands me a pen and a ballot . There are nine names , with three names on each line , and on each line you circle one name . Or , as I have done in the past when people did not send me enough flyers to make a decision , you could just skip a line and not vote for anybody in that spot . I suppose that you could skip all three lines and not vote for anyone , but there are plenty of people doing that just by staying home . There are only three hundred people who can vote , and I 'm betting that at least half of them stayed home . So I circled a name on the first line , cause that was the only one of those three who sent me a flyer . And a circled a name on another line , cause that was the only one of those three who sent me a flyer . But on the third line I had to think for a minute , cause two of the three had sent me flyers , and I had to think did I want the guy who was already there or the new guy . And in the end , not knowing either of them , I went with the one who actually said something specific that he wanted to do if he got elected , even if it wasn 't something I was that interested in . But I know that other people are interested , and at least this guy was saying he was going to do something , while the other guy just wrote about who he was and how long he had lived there and didn 't say anything specific he wanted to do , just that he would try to do a good job . And then you fold the ballot and put it in this little wooden box that is locked . So that all sounds simple enough . Yesterday I got a note on the door saying that one or more of the candidatePosted by Yesterday I got up early and decided to make a serious effort to get out and finish my garden project of the twelve by four garden bed that will mostly have decorative sweet potatoes growing in it . I really need to finish that up , because I 've already started another project of moving some flower bulbs . So I have a big mess to deal with , and I need to finish with something . And of course on the one day that I get up early and decide to deal with some stuff , it started raining about an hour and a half later . So it will just have that last little bit of it not done for however long it takes for the soil to dry again , and the new project will just be half - done for a long time after that . Sometime after it stopped raining I went and voted in our little community elections . I meant to do that the day before , but I forgot what time the clubhouse was open for voting . And I really don 't know these people , so I vote based on who sends me the most interesting flyer . So there were nine people wanting to be elected , but only four wanted to be elected enough to send me a flyer . So that narrows it down a lot . Two of them were easy . Only two of the four were running against each other , so that was a tough one . In the end , I just guessed . On the way out someone thanked me for walking all that way to vote . It wasn 't anyone I recognized , so it was probably someone I voted against . Tomorrow I should walk over and find out who won . My mother and I are somewhat at it again . I have asked her again and again not to bring up certain subjects , that I will just have to stop talking to her if she continues to keep talking about certain subjects , etc . . . . And she still doesn 't get it . Right after I tell her that something is off limits , she talks about it more , saying that she doesn 't want to talk about anything personal . I didn 't say that I didn 't want to discuss personal aspects of a subject , I said that I did not want to discuss the subject at all . I remind her of that , and she keeps talking . Also , she has said that she doesn 't want me to be Posted by I am an artist , but not a professional . I love Star Trek . I would probably still marry Mr . Spock if I were available . I will probably write the geat American novel someday , but it will probably not be published . |
This blog was started to make fun of the Homewrecking - Slut . I don 't talk about her much anymore . I do other things with the blog now , but for the most part it 's sort of a diary . So if you don 't care what I had for lunch , and the current post doesn 't interest you , maybe you should check out something in the popular posts section . Recently we have had money problems ( maybe more than usual ) and we are trying to not eat out . We must absolutely not eat out ( though we will probably go to Arby 's on Wednesday , cause we 'll get a free sandwich if we buy a soda ) . We must eat what is already in the house ( or possibly , in the garden ) . So , we must do things to make this easier , or we will give up on the idea and go out and spend more money . Like , we must stop complaining about being too tired to cook or not having time to cook . To speed things up , we have to do stuff ahead of time . Like if we need to make rice to go with dinner , we might as well make extra for the next day and maybe the day after , cause that will save about half a hour . And if chicken is planned for lunch or dinner , I should cut up the chicken in the morning or the night before , cause if I have to do all the work of cutting up a chicken before I can eat , I will probably just give up and go to KFC . Okay , so there is cut up chicken and leftover rice and sometimes there is even cut up veggies already in the frig . So all I have to do is pick some spices and start actually cooking the chicken . And I pick some stuff , but I don 't follow a recipe , cause I looked at some recipes and most of them called for chicken broth and I didn 't have any chicken broth and I really didn 't want to go buy any chicken broth . And how hard can this be anyway ? Okay , so this doesn 't taste too bad , but maybe I should follow a recipe and / or use chicken broth next time . But it really isn 't too bad , and the idea is to use stuff in the house and still make dinner in a reasonable amount of time , and I did that . So I cooked the chicken and the veggies and put it over some rice and then there was this liquid that the chicken was cooked in and I put that over the rice . And then I served dinner . And I guess that I forgot to warm up the rice . Okay , at least I didn 't put the chicken over rice that I forgot to cook . But I did just sort of take it out of the frig and forgot to do anything with it . I thought that I was doing good beforPosted by So , I scheduled myself work in the other part of the house from eight to ten . So I got that done . Well , not exactly . But I did get two hours of work done either in the other part of the house or outside , and I got it done before lunch . And that was really the point , to get a little bit done in areas that it is too warm to work before it really is to warm . And I have been told that part of the reason I feel so bad ( physically ) is that I don 't drink enough water . I hate water . I could drink probably drink gallons of soda , but getting down that recommended two liters of water really seems like a chore to me . If I am not really paying attention , I probably won 't do it . And recently , I haven 't been paying attention . When I was doing the serious digging holes in the garden type stuff , I was drinking plenty of water without really thinking about it . So I hadn 't been paying attention , cause I knew I was drinking lots of water . But then I decided that it was probably too hot to do anymore of that for a while , and I stopped drinking so much water , and I didn 't notice . So that was probably some of what made me feel so bad . I made a point of seeing how much water I drank on Sunday , which was about half of what I needed , and then I made of point of drinking two liters Monday , even if I really didn 't want it . Okay , so two hours of work done before lunch , check . Two liters of water drank yesterday ( though that last half liter wasn 't easy ) , check . And the last disk of an audio book listened to so that we can take it back to the library , check . We then watched the conclusion of Impact . Okay , so this was a new twist on the meteor that will destroy us , but I buy this one even less than Armageddon . Could a meteor hitting the moon be really bad news for us ? Yes . We aren 't even keeping up with what might hit the earth , so we would certainly miss seeing something that might hit the moon , and that could be a problem . Could we fix the problem of having the moon go all crazy on us after being hit with part of a brown dwarf by throwing nucleaPosted by You probably guessed that already . But it didn 't bother me that much when I was younger . It bothered me to be in a car without an air conditioner , and it bothered me if the heat got so bad that it messed up my hair and makeup , but other than that I was used to it . What bothered me was the cold , and I would wear sweaters all the time , and I even took sweaters with me everywhere in the summer in case I might end up somewhere that I thought the air conditioner was on too high . It only started to bother me maybe the last year we were in the apartment . My husband complained about it all the time . I think he got spoiled by our two summers up north . I still didn 't think it was that big of a deal . We only had the one air conditioner in the apartment , and I just thought that if got worse we could just move the bed into the other room , and that would fix that . I think that it is mostly just getting old . Things that used to just be part of life now bother me a lot . I still don 't see the point in complaining about it all the time . I live in Texas , where it is rarely cold most of the time , and the thing that goes with the mild winter is the very hot summer . When you are older and have money , you can be a snowbird . You can live in Texas in the winter and move up north for the summer . But I don 't have money , and even if I had money I am only in my forties , and I think most snowbirds are at least in their sixties . I have started wearing a tank top and shorts . You might not think this is a big deal . It is summer in Texas , and everyone is wearing a tank top and shorts . But I usually don 't . I haven 't liked my legs since I was a teenager , and except for around the house I mostly stopped wearing shorts out in public before that . And now I don 't much care for my arms either , so the tank top is usually out too . Not that I wouldn 't wear them in the house , or out in the garden , but the garden work is mostly over for now , and if I 'm that hot in the house I don 't have to wear any clothes at all if I don 't want to . But the thing is that I 've staPosted by Okay , so if you 've been reading recently , you know that I was supposed to go to this little restaurant with my husband , but on three different occasions something went wrong and I didn 't get to go . The last time we tried , the restaurant was closed because the place was being painted . So yesterday my husband has to take another package to this same area , mainly because he should have put something else in the first package , but he didn 't get the message in time . So he tells me that he has to go over there either Friday or Saturday , and then he asks if I want to go with him to this restaurant . If you have been reading recently , you may also recall that he hasn 't worked much lately , that we are running out of money , and that the unemployment people say that he isn 't supposed to file until the seventh . So we have had discussions about not going out so much . And I 'm going to be really mad if I have to buy something important like groceries or gas or birth control pills , and then he tells me I can 't have any money because we spent twenty dollars on lunch when he knew that he didn 't have anymore money coming in . But , he says this will be the end of him going out for a while . He promises to eat cereal for breakfast and whatever is available here for lunch , and mostly , he has been doing that . So I get dressed and put on makeup and such , and we go to the other side of Dallas and drop off this package . And then we go to the restaurant . The restaurant has a new sign , and it no longer says anything about a lunch buffet on the door . Maybe it has a new owner . But we go inside and it looks the same . So we ask about the buffet , and we are told that it really isn 't a buffet anymore . It isn 't really clear what is going on , but we are told we can only make one trip and we can only have one meat . Okay . Anyway , it was a bit confusing . The waitresses were confused too . I think it was either their second day , or it was the second day since it had changed . So they didn 't know whether or not they were supposed to have the plates out , and they jusPosted by It is starting to bother me that I am not getting anything useful done . Working in the garden is out of the question . Some days I just do not feel well enough to do anything , but the days I feel good I still don 't do much . Yesterday , the bashed finger felt much better . It is hardly noticeable now , and tomorrow I expect it to feel completely normal again . Yesterday was hot and we didn 't go anywhere or do anything , except for us watching TV and him doing stuff on the computer . It is very annoying to know that a whole day ( or several days ) has gone by and nothing has gotten done ( unless you are on vacation or something and had planned on getting nothing done ) . I washed out enough dishes to do breakfast and lunch , made breakfast ( cold cereal ) , made lunch ( pasta , with what little veggies I was able to get out of the garden ) , and watered the plants . That was it . The rest of the day I watched TV . My husband had a similar day , he made pizza for dinner and washed off a screen from one of the air conditioners , and the rest of the day was spent on the computer or watching TV . It 's a rare day that we don 't even run errands or visit the library and literally just lie around and watch TV , but I think we have had a few and are going to have more . So I am having a bit of a rant about the TV , mostly about the annoying digital switchover . So it has been a couple of weeks since the digital switchover nonsense , and I am mostlygetting used to it , but I 'm still having some problems with it . Even before the switchover , there were some problems . Like the VCR doesn 't rewind properly . If you hit the play and rewind buttons and the same time , that 's fine , but it will take a really long time to rewind the whole tape . If you just want to rewind the tape , and you just hit rewind and not play , it tends to the think about it for a moment , and then the power on the VCR goes off . And then when you turn the power back on the VCR ejects the tape . I noticed that would happen once in a while , but over the the last few months it went from happening once inPosted by Though I don 't think that was official . But I did see that temperature on a bank sign when we were out yesterday . We stopped at Sonic to get slushies , and it was noticeably uncomfortable when we rolled down the window to make the order . It is supposed to get a few degrees hotter today and tomorrow . The weather guy was describing something about how such and such happens , but we weren 't going to get enough of something to get any rain . I wasn 't paying attention . I just heard that we weren 't going to get any rain . And then there for a bit the conditions changed slightly , so that there was going to be some rain , and I didn 't water the plants . Well , there was a bit of rain , but not over my house . The temperature dropped down to ninety - six , and then in the evening down to ninety - one , but I didn 't get any rain . So I had to go out and water the plants anyway . I must get used to just watering the plants a lot , even when there might be rain , cause there usually isn 't anyway . Like I should just go ahead and water some , and then when it doesn 't rain I should go back and water some more . Except that the last big rain actually killed four plants . That was weird . And I 've probably killed a couple of things that I tried to transplant , but that is to be expected . After a bit of phone tag , my husband did talk to someone at the unemployment place . They told him to call back on the seventh . He worked last week . He did not work the week before . For this week , next week , and the week after , he is only scheduled to work two days . Not two days each , but two days total . I don 't want to be a bitch and say that we need the money now , but , we need the money now . Why should anyone have to wait until the seventh ? The place is a mess , and I should be cleaning . It is too hot to do garden work outside , and there are places in the house and work that needs to be done , but it is too hot to do that either . It is nice and air - conditioned in these two rooms here , so I should be at least getting that work done , even if I don 't feel just great . But I am not dPosted by Should be the high today , for the first time this year . So it is unpleasantly hot , and it mostly stay that way probably until sometime in September . So I should put the gardening stuff away , except for watering the plants and such . Unfortunately , there is still some work left to do , just on finishing up the recent project . And of course the grass will still need to be cut and all of that . My husband is out now doing just that , as he meant to do that earlier this week but had to go and get more stuff for the weedwacker before he could finish . And I wish that it would rain at least once before I put the mulch over the bulbs I transplanted , but I 'm afraid that it isn 't going to . I will just have to water it and hope that the soil has settled as much as it is going to and go ahead with the mulch . If I wait til we have a good rain the bed will probably get filled with weeds . My husband has had some interest in his new business venture , and he is all excited . I am a bit suspicious of the whole thing . Supposedly , this person wants to hire him for something they plan to do twice a year , and then she wants to recommend him to all of her friends . So that is very nice , except that it sounds a bit much from someone he has never met before . I can see hiring him once and if it all works out hiring him to come back twice a year after that , and then recommending him to everyone else , but she just sounds so happy about the whole thing that she wants to do all that already . It is just me , or is that weird ? Anyway , just in case this does turn into a real job , he has a lot to do . And then he has to figure out when he and the other guy can do the job and do they need to take time off from their regular jobs and so forth . I do not feel as bad as I did Sunday and Monday , but I am still very tired and such for having done almost no work . Yesterday we had a fight over something involving the TV . That wasn 't the excitement . This is what would happen on a regular basis if I weren 't such a nice person . I don 't enjoy fighting , so I usually keep such things to myself . But after having to tell him three times in less than ten minutes not to do something and explaining why he shouldn 't do something and then having to listen to him tell me I 'm the one who is stupid . . . . But that wasn 't the excitement . Later in the day , I was attacked by fire ants . But that wasn 't the excitement either . Anyway , we were watching Impact , which I had recorded the night before . And we were getting comfortable in front of the TV and having snacks and such . We heard the neighbor 's dog bark , but this did not immediately get our attention , as it seems that the neighborhood dogs often find something to bark about . It turns out that a tree cutting service had parked it 's truck on a street parallel to ours , and that was what some of the dogs were barking at , including the dog across the street . A bit after this , my husband looks outside again , and sees that there is someone climbing our tree . And he is securing ropes and such that they do when they get ready to cut part of a tree . So we go outside , and the guy just waves at us . Well , I guess that this has something to do with the fact that last week a large branch fell from that tree and landed in middle of the street at one or two in the morning . I hadn 't thought that they would do anything more about it after they hauled away the debris , but I guess the office decided to trim some more branches so that it didn 't happen again . Still , you would think that they would ask first , or call us , or leave us a note . But none of that had happened . And there was this guy up in our tree , and he didn 't even knock on the door to tell us he was there or anything . We just sort of shrugged and went back inside and watched more TV . After a while the guy is still there , and he 's cutting more branches . We had first thought that he was just cutting around where thePosted by It is getting old , I know . I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired . It is just that today I feel awful and have no explanation for it . So I don 't like that . There doesn 't seem to be anything wrong , so I can 't go and fix whatever it is . I have gotten used to being quite done in by doing just the smallest amount of work . That is sort of normal . If you do a lot of work in the garden , you get tired . And after you 've done a lot of work in the garden , maybe you are still stiff and sore the next day . So that is normal , just that I get that way from doing a lot less work than a lot of other people would have done before they would whine of feeling bad the way I do . So I get that . What I do not get is that I haven 't done serious garden work since Wednesday or Thursday , and I feel like I did a lot of work yesterday . I rather feel like I spent the night in a strange motel room that didn 't have a good mattress and couldn 't get any sleep . Only I spent the night in my own comfortable bed and got plenty of sleep . Not all the way straight through eight hours sleep , but when I woke up and three in the morning I feel back asleep quickly enough . Friday I did a bit of work trying to find that scarf , but not that much work . Not like digging big holes in the garden type work . Saturday I stayed up a bit late with my friends , but not that late . I 'm pretty sure that I was in bed and asleep before two . So being out late might explain being a little tired yesterday , but that 's about it . And even if staying out was the explanation for not feeling great yesterday , I should not still feel that way today . Saturday day I did not find my giant scarf . But I have plenty of other long scarves and tried to make one of them work . I 'm not sure that having the giant scarf would have helped anything . Anyway , I was sure that I got more laughs than anyone else , but I still didn 't win anything . After that , several of my friends saw me in a swimsuit . I don 't think that I look great in the swimsuit right now , though I probably look better than most of them . Posted by How does one lose a giant scarf anyway ? Okay , I have enough junk now that it is near impossible to find much of anything . And there is a lot of yarn and several scarves about . But you would think that there are limited places that one could put a scarf that is over twenty feet long . So how did I lose the damned thing ? After having problems with flooding and later with some mice , I have figured out that things I really do not want damaged have to be stored in plastic storage bins . So what is the problem ? Just look in the plastic bins . The problem is that most of the bins are not clear plastic , or at least not clear enough that I can see what is inside them without opening the boxes . And we have like forty boxes . That is , we have forty boxes that are 18 gallon size or larger . We have many other smaller boxes . So I was quite certain that I knew where the giant scarf was , as I had several of the clear boxes under the bed , and I could see that they contained scarves , even if I could not make out which scarves in particular were there . And the underbed boxes are rather difficult to get at , and I tell to put stuff in them that I rarely need to take out . Like giant scarves . So today when I took these boxes out from under the bed , I was very surprised the particular scarf wasn 't in one of them . And now I don 't know where else it could be . I 'm trying to look in the other boxes , but I have checked all of them that are convenient to get to . The ones that I haven 't yet looked in are mostly the ones at the bottom of the stack , or behind another stack , or would otherwise require me moving something heavy , and I usually don 't put anything in those boxes except for clay stuff , because they are so difficult to get to and the heavy stuff should go on the bottom . I suppose that it could be someplace else . It could be in a regular cardboard box , if I thought to thoroughly wrap it in plastic and put it high up on a shelf . But I 've checked most of those places too , and I can 't think of what to do next . I am really and truly , mind - numbingly disorgPosted by Perhaps . For this year , anyway . So , as you know from the last post my little community recently had an election for three seats on our board of directors . And all three people who were on the board running for re - election lost , and one of them demanded a new vote based on the fact that a new rule wasn 't followed . And the three new people who claimed that they had rightful won the election went out and got a lawyer to draft a letter threatening to sue the three guys not wanting to leave office , the president of the board , and perhaps our little community in general . Or we could just let them have the board seats that they were probably elected to anyway . The board sought legal advice , and while it is true that the new rule was not correctly followed , no one seriously thinks this resulted in any type of fraud that would have changed the outcome of the election . Really , the only point of having a new election was if they thought that someone had taken out the ballots and changed the votes , making it look like the new people won when they hadn 't . And no one really thought that anyone did that . So there was really no point in having a second election if there was no fraud . So there was a special board meeting to vote on whether or not to have this second election . Only board members who did not have a seat in dispute were allowed to vote , so there were an even number of voting board members . There was a tie . So the president of the board had the tie - breaking vote , and it was decided not to have a second election . The three new guys were so happy that they made copies of some of this and taped them to everybody 's doors yesterday . They added a paper inviting everyone to this meet and greet thing , with cake and soda , to be followed by a crimewatch meeting . There was no date on the invitation , so we thought that they meant yesterday . So several of us drove to the office and a couple of us walked over to see what was going on . Only it was after five , and the office people had gone home . I would have at least thought that they wouPosted by If you are a regular reader , you may recall that on the first Tuesday of this month I voted in our little community election . There were nine people running for three seats on the board . I usually vote based on who writes the best flyer , and if you don 't send me a flyer , I can 't vote for you . I figure that anyone who cannot be bothered to send out a flyer doesn 't really want to be on the board anyway . So I received four flyers , and that meant that I only had to really think about two of the guys who were running against each other . Two days later , I found a note on the door that said we would have to do the election over , because there was some problem and someone complained , and that the only fair thing for everybody was to have a second election . Later I got a letter in the mail ( not correctly addressed , but I got it anyway ) , claiming that the election had been properly held the first time , and that one of the losers was claiming that a new rule wasn 't followed , and that was the reason that a second election was requested . According to the new rule , the ballet box is supposed to be locked in the office safe overnight instead of being left locked in the election place or taken home by the guy in charge of the election . But no one seems to know anything about this new rule , because it was supposedly made at the last board meeting , and the minutes haven 't been typed up yet , and the board won 't let anyone hear the tapes of the meeting . The letter also included the election results . There were three people that only got five or ten votes each from their friends , probably because they didn 't send out any flyers . The three guys that held office didn 't win either , possibly because only one of them sent out a flyer . Basically , the three guys I voted for got about twice as many votes as the guys currently on the board . The current board member with the least votes is the guy who asked for a re - vote based on the fact that the new rule about using the safe was not enforced . According to this letter , as I suspected , only 145 of Posted by Yesterday I worked on my current garden project on and off until about four , which is at least four hours more than normal . But I had a lot of work to make up for , since the ground has been too wet to do much since Wednesday . And I know that it was just terribly hot , but it didn 't seem as hot as the day before , so I just kept working . Problems come up when you work in the heat like that . Even with taking so many breaks that I end up spending just as much time watching television as I do working , that still seems like a lot of work to me , and you get hot and you sweat . And I ended up with a painful itchy backside . So later we went to dinner and KFC , and after that we watched True Blood , and I found being in the seated position most uncomfortable . We tried watching some more stuff after True Blood , but I decided that I liked the lying down position much better , so I went in the other room , even though there was no new TV to watch . So I maybe fell asleep a bit sooner than usual , but not by much . At about two in the morning , there seemed to be someone going from house to house to bang on a window or something , and then running away . The dogs would bark at them a bit , but there wasn 't like anyone yelling fire or anything . So I thought it was a prank and tried to go back to sleep . The knock at the window was repeated , and this time it woke up my husband . The last time anyone knocked on our door or window at two in the morning , it was at a motel , and it turned out to be a crazy person . So I was still thinking that I should just try to go back to sleep . If it was a fire or an emergency of some kind , we would hear yelling and such outside . My husband had a look out the window . He said there was a mob of people outside . A mob of people ? Like in Frankenstein ? Anyway , there were a lot of people outside , mostly neighbors , and a few people who worked there . So my husband gets dressed and goes outside , and he doesn 't wait for me to get dressed and go with him . Then he comes back in and says that a tree has fallen on my car . Not really , buPosted by Friday I went to a couple of Walmarts , a Michaels , and a Hobby Lobby . I should have done all of that about a week earlier , but I was concentrating on the garden project , and then there was all that rain , and the day after that they were advising everyone to stay at home if you did not absolutely have to be out . I didn 't think that a craft project qualified as something I absolutely had to go out for . So Friday morning I hit all the usual places ( except for Jo Ann 's Fabric ) , looking for stuff to make a witch hat and other stuff that might go with a witch costume . Next month we 'll be promoting the new Harry Potter movie , and also Saturday I 'll have a use for some the costume , so I need to get on with making the hat . At the first Walmart I did not find the textured felt that I needed , and I was about to leave when I thought I might as well look over the discounted fabric . And I found a remnant that I wanted , and I found some other interesting black fabric that almost matches I dress that I have . So I thought that I should have about two yards of this fabric , just in case I should want to add something to the dress . Now , cutting fabric is not brain surgery , but you aren 't allowed to do it yourself in the store , and you can 't just get any passing employee to do it for you either . There are a limited number of people at a Walmart who are allowed to perform that particular task , and also they have to have this particular gizmo to put a proper sales tag on the fabric which is different from most of the other sales tags , and there are a limited number of these gizmos to go around and a limited number of employees who use them . So I did not see an employee in the fabric department , and after looking around a bit for one I figured that she was either on break , or else she 'd been ordered to go off and do something that wasn 't normally supposed to be her job , because the store thinks that just waiting around to help someone doesn 't count as work and they find other things for you to do on the other side of the store if you don 't lPosted by My husband has had the last week and a half off , without pay , and we didn 't have anything to speak of in savings either . So when you have a week and a half off , and you should be off on a trip or something , we have been at home most of the time , except for maybe seeing a couple of movies . So we have spent some time together . And then there 's been time just sort of being in each other 's way , or at least , trying to stay out of each other 's way . Until Tuesday , I had a certain garden project to keep me busy . But it is June in Texas , and it is hot , though it is not as hot as it is going to get . So I go outside in the morning , and my first thought is actually something like it is too cool for my liking , and that I should go back inside . But a bit of actual work cures me of thinking that it isn 't warm enough . And of course the rest of the day is plenty warm . But I can 't do very much work all at once , even in the morning when it is somewhat cool . I go outside and dig or something for maybe half an hour , and then I go back inside and watch TV for between ten minutes or an hour . Only there isn 't anything to watch on TV . There isn 't even anything that I taped on TV the night before . So instead of watching TV on the TV , I 'm watching something on Hulu or YouTube or something like that on the computer . Anyway , about half of the time this works out just fine . My husband bought a new laptop , and he has been in the other room doing photoshop stuff and other such stuff , and sometimes playing a computer game , and he 's half watching some new music video channel that we now have because of the digital TV thing . So that is mostly okay . Except the laptop isn 't hooked up to the Internet , and sometimes he needs the Internet . And sometimes when I am halfway through watching something I go outside and dig in the dirt , and then I come back in the house to find him on this computer , and I have to wait for him to do whatever it is that he 's doing before I can go back to doing what I was doing . And there is nothing for me to do except wait . If thePosted by I think this is going to end up being much too long to put in a comment . Okay , this is the discussion so far : bulletholes said . . . i HAEN ' T BEEN TO SEE THE NEW MOVIE YET , BUT i ' VE BEEN GEARING UP FOR IT . i WATCHED " fINAL fRONTIER ( OPPS ) because I like that one , then got " Generations " . Generations was cute , but on the whole disappointing to a non - Trekkie . From what I understand , I can watch this new one without needing to see the others . For a non - Trekkie who never saw anything after " 5 " , ( except the recent view of Generations ) which of these newer films , in 20 words or less , would you recommend ? 5 / 29 / 2009 11 : 16 AM laughingattheslut said . . . Now that is a tough one , especially since I am a Trekkie , and it is hard to think from the point of view of someone who is not . Generally speaking , I think that most people like the newest movie ( the current movie is number 11 ) , though some of us Trekkies from way back cannot get past some of the mistakes . Of the movies 6 - 10 , my favorite is number 8 , First Contact . It has both the borg and the man who first invented warp drive ( though this version of the character is very different from the one seen in the original series back in the sixties ) . Without getting too much into what the borg are , just know that they are the type of alien that you have to stay away from or you will become one of them ( like Invasion of the Body Snatchers , Puppet Masters , Invaders from Mars , or The Thing , etc . . . ) I would think that the favorite Star Trek movie for basic non - trekkies would be number 4 , where they go back to our time to get a couple of humpback whales . It is very funny and you don 't have to know anything about the Federation or Klingons or any of that to get what is going on . But you said that you already saw that one . Funny that you like number 5 . Most people hate it . Number 6 has been compared to us trying to be friends with the Soviet Union after something really bad happens to them , like Chernobyl . Number 7 you saw . I think that they were trying to make both the original series fans happy and at the Posted by A couple of months ago , my husband and someone he works with were talking about something to do with their new business venture . And they had something that they were going to do in May that was in a city on the other side of Dallas . And then they were saying that when they finished they should go and have this nice lunch at this Mediterranean place that the other guy liked . And then I was invited to go with them . There was no reason that I should go to this thing , they just thought that I would like to go to lunch with them afterwards . We could either go to this place that the other guy liked , or if the wait was too long , we could go to this little Greek restaurant near a place that my husband had worked recently . So I sort of agreed , depending on what day it was . And they told me that it was on a certain Sunday . Great , unless I had to do something with my friends to get ready for the Star Trek movie , I would like to go to lunch with them . The Saturday before this was supposed to happen , the guy calls back and says that he got the dates mixed up , and the date for all of this was the next Sunday . The next Sunday was Mother 's Day . So of course I could not go with them . Besides the fact that it was Mother 's Day and I would be going to eat lunch with my mother , I had all this stuff to do that weekend for the Star Trek movie . So that was the first time I didn 't go to the Greek restaurant . A few weeks later , my husband and this guy were talking , and again they had something to do , and they discussed a day and such . And again my husband said that I should go with him , that it probably wouldn 't that long , and again this should put them on the other side of Dallas near this Greek restaurant that my husband liked . So again I agreed to go . So on the day that they are supposed to meet , the guy calls and he has to do something in Irving , and could my husband meet him there instead ? So that was the second trip to the Greek restaurant cancelled . The other guy had to go out of town for about three weeks for his regular job . While he waPosted by Tuesday I went and voted in our little community elections . It is a little thing , but the past few years it has created some drama . Anyway , I go in , and a nice old couple is there . And the lady asks for my address and my name , and she apologizes for taking a minute to find me , and says something about it being different than last year and it is just taking her longer to find people . But she does find me , and I sign next to my name . She doesn 't ask for my ID or anything . The old man then hands me a pen and a ballot . There are nine names , with three names on each line , and on each line you circle one name . Or , as I have done in the past when people did not send me enough flyers to make a decision , you could just skip a line and not vote for anybody in that spot . I suppose that you could skip all three lines and not vote for anyone , but there are plenty of people doing that just by staying home . There are only three hundred people who can vote , and I 'm betting that at least half of them stayed home . So I circled a name on the first line , cause that was the only one of those three who sent me a flyer . And a circled a name on another line , cause that was the only one of those three who sent me a flyer . But on the third line I had to think for a minute , cause two of the three had sent me flyers , and I had to think did I want the guy who was already there or the new guy . And in the end , not knowing either of them , I went with the one who actually said something specific that he wanted to do if he got elected , even if it wasn 't something I was that interested in . But I know that other people are interested , and at least this guy was saying he was going to do something , while the other guy just wrote about who he was and how long he had lived there and didn 't say anything specific he wanted to do , just that he would try to do a good job . And then you fold the ballot and put it in this little wooden box that is locked . So that all sounds simple enough . Yesterday I got a note on the door saying that one or more of the candidatePosted by Yesterday I got up early and decided to make a serious effort to get out and finish my garden project of the twelve by four garden bed that will mostly have decorative sweet potatoes growing in it . I really need to finish that up , because I 've already started another project of moving some flower bulbs . So I have a big mess to deal with , and I need to finish with something . And of course on the one day that I get up early and decide to deal with some stuff , it started raining about an hour and a half later . So it will just have that last little bit of it not done for however long it takes for the soil to dry again , and the new project will just be half - done for a long time after that . Sometime after it stopped raining I went and voted in our little community elections . I meant to do that the day before , but I forgot what time the clubhouse was open for voting . And I really don 't know these people , so I vote based on who sends me the most interesting flyer . So there were nine people wanting to be elected , but only four wanted to be elected enough to send me a flyer . So that narrows it down a lot . Two of them were easy . Only two of the four were running against each other , so that was a tough one . In the end , I just guessed . On the way out someone thanked me for walking all that way to vote . It wasn 't anyone I recognized , so it was probably someone I voted against . Tomorrow I should walk over and find out who won . My mother and I are somewhat at it again . I have asked her again and again not to bring up certain subjects , that I will just have to stop talking to her if she continues to keep talking about certain subjects , etc . . . . And she still doesn 't get it . Right after I tell her that something is off limits , she talks about it more , saying that she doesn 't want to talk about anything personal . I didn 't say that I didn 't want to discuss personal aspects of a subject , I said that I did not want to discuss the subject at all . I remind her of that , and she keeps talking . Also , she has said that she doesn 't want me to be Posted by I am an artist , but not a professional . I love Star Trek . I would probably still marry Mr . Spock if I were available . I will probably write the geat American novel someday , but it will probably not be published . |
By morning a few of the torches were still smoldering . He knew he should get more rest , but he didn 't want to waste daylight . Dak packed up camp , gathered his bearings , and set out along the old , spotty trail through the forest . Eventually the trees became more spaced out and the forest thinned . At the same time , the steepness of the path began to increase . His legs began to burn as the climb grew more intense . His eyes burned and ached with the lack of sleep . His head hurt . He was worried about his water supply . Was his pack getting heavier ? The closer he drew to the sun above the more uncomfortable his sweaty bandage became . He wondered if he should change the dressing soon . He would need clean water , and he didn 't want to use any of his drinking water for the job . Dak stopped under one of the lonely trees dotting the side of the mountain . He would only allow himself a moment to rest and cool down . He sat and leaned against the tree , craning his neck to look ahead on the trail and see if it would get less steep soon . The heat of the sun radiated off the rocks , making the ground appear to shimmer like water . He took a small drink from one of his water pouches . He still had one that was full for the trip back down the mountain , and the other was a little under half full . He guessed he was about halfway up the mountain , so he wanted to try to conserve water for a while . His heart jumped and he swung his head to face back up the mountain . He thought he had seen some movement out of the corner of his eye . In the heat of the day very few animals and beasts were active , but something had definitely moved . He scanned around watching for more movement , but saw none . Once his pulse had slowed again he decided to move on . He picked himself off the ground and brushed off , peering in the direction of the movement again , which happened to be the same direction he needed to go . While still steep , this part of the path was beginning to get a little easier , or at least he felt as though it was easier . Dak remained focused on the spot where he thought the movement had come from . As he got closer he began to make out a shape . Years later he would hesitate to share what he thought he saw , mostly because he was never quite sure . He was sleep - deprived , thirsty , sore , and had taken a couple bad blows to the head not long before . For all he knew perhaps he imagined the whole encounter . But at the time it felt very real . The shape was long and twisted , sprawled out in the sun on a large flat rock . Before it came into focus Dak was sure he heard something telling him to turn back . It wasn 't as much of a voice as it was an intrusive thought . Sure , he wanted to turn back , but he wasn 't thinking of doing it . Someone or something was making him think it . " Turn back now , " it repeated over and over . " Go home . You don 't belong here . " He was able to clearly see his opponent now . It was a large snake , at least fifty feet long and nearly four feet thick at its widest point . It was curled around and twisted about carelessly on the surface of the large rock , but during Dak 's approach the reptile gathered itself in and coiled menacingly . The path ran right next to the rock slab , and so he decided to leave the path and go the long way around . As he circumnavigated the rock , the snake 's huge head tracked him and its black eyes remained unwaveringly fixated on him . Dak could feel himself sweating even more than he had when the cat attacked . The " turn back " command echoed louder with every step . He wondered how fast something that big could move . Would it strike at him if he took his eyes off it ? Would it follow him ? He could feel himself getting sick . Nervousness and fear became overwhelming . Eventually he got back on the path far enough from the snake that he felt he was safe , but even then he was worried about it . He walked briskly , constantly looking back over his shoulder or even walking backward to keep an eye on the path behind . The slope was much more gentle here , and with fear driving him forward he make good progress . By the time the sun was getting ready to set he figured he had to be at least two thirds of the way up the mountain . The terrain was fairly flat in many areas , giving him plenty of options for setting up camp . The lack of trees made it harder to set up a fence , but it also meant fewer places for predators to hide . He hoped he would be safe with just a large fire and a few torches stuck in the ground around the tent . As he set up camp with the last hour of daylight barely holding on to the sky , he saw clouds moving in from the mountain range to the north . They were dark and moving fast . He cooked a quick dinner and managed to retire to the tent just as the first drops of rain began to fall from above . Within minutes his tent was soaked through and there was a river running through his tent . Lightning illuminated the walls of the tent every few seconds , with ground - shaking thunder immediately following . He wrapped himself in his wet blankets , hoping to keep warm , but it was no use . Soon the wind started to pick up . It shook the walls of his tent , threatening to topple the whole thing . The sideways moving rain had an even easier time finding its way into the shelter , completely negating any protection he had enjoyed before . Dak 's eyes ached for sleep . His cloudy mind couldn 't get the snake pushed from his thoughts . Dak eventually gave up on sleep . He used his cooking pot to collect rain water and refill his half - empty water container . He lay on the soaked sleeping mat and stared up at the drenched tent . He pondered his encounter with the liar masquerading as the honorable teacher Rhoj . He let himself get carried away in anger again , cursing the man and his greed . When the sun finally scattered the clouds Dak surrendered to sleep . The sun was at its highest when he finally crawled from his tent and removed his wet clothing . By some miracle Dak found that the contents of his pack , including a dry change of clothes , had survived the night without soaking through . He changed clothes , ate , and let his gear dry a little before packing up to leave . The wet tent and blankets made his pack feel twice as heavy as before . He looked back along the trail to see if the snake was there before he moved on . His whole body was sore . The trail wound around the mountain and came to run along a steep cliff . He guessed the drop would be at least a few hundred feet . He stuck to the inside of the curve , as far from the cliff as he could , until he came to a spot where the cliff cut into the path . He could tell there was once a bridge there , but it had long since fallen apart . Now there was nothing more than a few posts in the ground and some deteriorated rope hanging from them down into a gap that was only about five or six feet across . He figured he could toss the pack across and jump . He took out the rope and tied it to his pack . If the pack didn 't make it he wanted to have it tied to something so he could retrieve it . He hurled it across the gap and watched it roll into a muddy puddle on the other side . It wasn 't a tough toss . The distance wasn 't too bad . Still holding the rope , as though the pack would hold his weight if he missed , Dak took a running leap to the other side . His heart pounded as he nearly slipped back into the crevice after landing . He made it . He stowed the rope and shouldered his muddy pack and carried on . The path remained at the edge of the cliff for another hour or so . At one point it ran past the opening of a cave . Inside he could hear sickening sounds , like some kind of great beast eating its victim raw . He hurried past as quietly as he could . A short distance from the cave the path hit a dead end . The cliff wrapped in on itself and the path ended . To his left , leading up the mountain , there was only the wall of another cliff . He could see that there was a tree at the top of the cliff , maybe thirty feet above . " I guess I have to climb , " he said , wishing he could just pay Jur , the goat cart driver , to help him with this one . Dak had little experience scaling cliff faces . As a child his parents had taken him to the mountains once , and they say he climbed a ten foot cliff all alone , but he had no recollection of the event . Now he was wearing a wet pack that weight half as much as he did when it was dry , slowly digging his hands and feet into whatever features allowed him enough purchase to support his weight . He breathed dust into his lungs with his face pressed against the rock , leaving a smear of sweat every inch of the way up . His heart beat so strongly against his chest that it threatened to push him away from the cliff he was clutching so dearly . He closed his eyes to squeeze the burning sweat out so he could see again . His arms and fingers hurt . He looked down and found that he had only ascended a little more than his own height . Less than halfway . He groaned and looked up to find his next hand hold . Tears began to flood his vision . His right foot slipped . He barely caught himself . His heart was pounding . He imagined himself tumbling down and away from this cliff only to spill over the one below , plummeting the full distance to the bottom . He could see himself grabbing desperately at anything he could reach to try to stop his momentum from carrying him over the edge . He saw his own panicked eyes judging and blaming him as he fell silently into the void . " You can do this , " he told himself , taking some deep breaths to clear his head . The strength in his arms was nearly gone , and his sore legs had to do all of the lifting . All he could do with his hands was hold himself close to the cliff . Eventually , dirty , scraped , sore , and drenched in sweat , he pulled himself up over the edge of the cliff and grabbed onto one of the roots of the tree . There he stayed for a moment , grasping the root with all of his strength , heaving great breaths in and out , his legs still dangling over the cliff . He cried a little , but eventually collected himself and crawled away from the cliff . It was getting dark . He figured this plateau would make as good a camp as any . A hundred feet from the cliff he found another tree and set up his tent at its base . This time the rain clouds rolled in earlier . Before he could finish his dinner he had to retreat to the still - damp tent . It smelled bad inside . He would have to make a new one later , he decided . This one had been made from some of the best tent cloth made in his town , with finely carved wooden support sticks and strong cord for tying it down to the stakes . The cord and sticks would be salvaged , but the cloth was ruined . He couldn 't see anything from the door of the tent , but above him he saw the branches of the tree moving . Maybe it was just the wind ? No , the branches were moving too fast . They were moving toward him ! He ran . Behind him the tree came crashing down on his tent . Sticks snapped and flew up in all directions . " No ! " he cried . " My pack ! My food and water ! " Dak rushed over to where his tent had stood . He was relieved to find that the corner where his pack had been was not buried by the tree . He used the sword to cut through the cloth and pulled his pack free . Though grateful to be alive and have most of his supplies , he now realized he had even less protection from the rain . " At least my pack will be lighter , " he tried to chuckle to himself . He watched the rain pound away at the pack , rinsing the mud away . " And cleaner , " he added . Tears welled up again and fell unnoticed down his rain - drenched cheeks . He dropped to the ground and leaned against the fallen tree trunk , burring his head in his arms to cry . " I should turn back , " he sobbed . This time it wasn 't an intrusive thought . It was his own . Again unable to sleep , he put himself to work trying to see if he could dig his tent out from under the tree . At the very least he could use the cloth to set up some kind of covering , if he could get it out intact . By the time he pulled the tent out it was morning and the rain had stopped . It wouldn 't have mattered though , as the tent was completely torn to shreds . Weighed down with exhaustion , needing the rest but once again determined to see if any guru lived atop the mountain , he willed himself on . His broken body refused . Even with the lighter pack he had never had more trouble taking steps . He could feel his lungs getting tight from illness . His throat was sore . Mucus wouldn 't stop flowing from his nose . He had heard tales of men staying out all night in rain storms and falling ill later . It was often fatal . Dak didn 't give himself time to worry about it . Looking up along the trail he realized he was much closer to the peak than he had initially thought . He took heart and shuffled a little faster along the trail . He was there . He dropped his pack and stumbled about , frantically searching for any signs of life . He calls out . " Tahl ? " He tripped and fell to the ground . " Anyone ? " He pulled himself up again . On the other side of the summit he called out again . " Hello ? Anybody here ? " He paused for a long time , listening carefully . Nothing . Even the trees there were still . He stood at the edge of a perilous cliff looking down on the mountain he had climbed . Though the two peaks were equal in height , this one felt taller to Dak . He could see the other peak , fully illuminated by the sun that hovered high behind him . He scanned the face of the opposing peak , following it down to the crook between the peaks , then he looked south at the village where he had been raised . He thought of all the people there , living their lie and trying every day to believe it . Why ? Why would they do that ? Was it true ? Would they really find happiness that way ? He thought of what it would have been like to find the great teacher here . What a wonderful service it would be , to impart such teachings of happiness , he thought . To share happiness … The beauty of his view began to sink in , and in a moment of utter clarity he realized something important . He thought back on his journeys . He pondered the service his parents lived out for him every day of their life . He took in the beauty all around him . Turning around he realized that there was a small pond behind him . The whole time that he had felt that he was surrounded by silence , that pond had been letting a small brook flow forth , gurgling a quiet secret . The landscape opened up to him , suddenly spilling forth with sounds and secrets . By the pond there was a tree stump that had obviously been cut by a manmade tool . Dak felt short of breath and filled with excitement . He looked around . On the ground , covered in overgrowth behind the stump , he found a dirt - encrusted axe . He pulled it , yanked it from the ground that had claimed it so long ago . He scooped water out of the pond and used it to wash the axe clean of the dirt and mud that had caked itself on so thick over the years . As he cleaned the handle he saw that letters had been carved into the handle . As he uncovered them one by one tears came to his eyes . He had found it ! He had found what he was looking for . The young girl , probably only eight or nine years old , pondered deeply . She sat cross - legged across from Dak , at the edge of the pond . Dak had managed to help the girl clean her face , but the rest of her body was covered in mud and scrapes . She had arrived hungry and crying , but Dak had taken care of that . Now the girl was thoroughly distracted , trying to figure out what the axe could have had carved into it . She pursed her lips in deep thought . Dak smiled and reached behind him . The axe never left his side . It was his most prized possession . With it he had built his hut , skinned animals , and carved furniture . He kept it in a sling under his robe at all times , always behind him as a reminder . He handed it over to her reverently , and she accepted it as though it were a great honor . She turned it over , admiring how beautiful it was . Then she found the word carved into the handle and smiled . " Of course , " she said , as she handed it back to him . He awoke in the morning sore all over with his eyes still burning . The first rays of the morning sun were beginning to peek out from behind the neighboring peak , casting a bright halo around its pointed top . Dak was sick with hunger . He tried to recall the last time he ate . Dinner , the night before last , he was pretty sure . He groaned as he tried to sit up . His pack was still slung over his shoulder , untouched from the day before . At least the cheating thief hadn 't snuck out and rummaged through his belongings overnight . Dak took a small bar of dried food from inside the pack to help his stomach . Slowly he got to his feet and looked around . Memories from the day before flooded his mind . In a matter of seconds he was flung through a ferocious fury and into a pitch black despair , back to being furious , and then to deep desperation . He had never felt such disillusion , such intense disappointment . His emotional state continued to swing back and forth between depression and anger . At times his wrathful disdain for the man calling himself Rhoj could have driven him to murder . Other times his anguish and misery tempted him to take his own life . Was there truly no hope for him ? Was he destined to be unhappy for the rest of his life ? Writhing with fury inside he glanced back at the Teacher 's door one final time , growing sick to his stomach again . He snorted scornfully and started back toward the path , clenching his jaw . As he began to sink below the summit along the path he heard the crook call out to him . " Don 't forget the contract ! On pains of death you 've agreed to never share what we talked about here ! We have people all over the village . You so much as whisper a word of it and we 'll bring you back up here . Your family will be told you wished to make the trek a second time , but this time you won 't return home ! " Dak nearly turned around to respond , but thought it best to return home . That man had nothing more to offer him . Even revenge wouldn 't appease him in any way at this point . He had more food than he had anticipated having for the return journey . Once the path started curving around the mountain again he looked down to his right where a straight path could take him directly home . Some parts of the decent that way would be quite dangerous , but what did he have to lose ? He wasn 't even sure there was much point in living anymore . For some of the descent he was sliding , tumbling , and falling his way down . Other times he took a more cautious approach , moving slowly and taking each step deliberately . Sometimes the tears in his eyes forced him to sit for a while and cry . Other times he got so angry he 'd punch a tree and spend the next few minutes tending to his bleeding fist . A day ago he had originally thought to return to the inn to see if he could learn the young woman 's name , but no such thought crossed his mind as he pushed his way through the thicket near the inn on his way to the base of the mountain . He could see the river now and the wretched toll house far below . That toll bridge should have been his first clue , he realized . He hated himself now for not seeing the signs . Of course the man at the fork in the road must be in on the scam as well . Had he not encouraged Dak to take the path to the left ? His cheeks flushed and he tensed the muscles in his body . He wasn 't just angry at those who had lied to him , he was angry at himself for failing to realize he was being swindled . Not only had he failed to see the con , he had convinced himself that he was being clever : That it was his own intelligent will that had guided him through the ploy . His stomach churned and he felt dizzy . How could he have been such a fool ? He gathered himself and prepared to cross the bridge again . This time he wouldn 't pay , even if she tried to stop him . He made his way across the wooden bridge as quietly as he could , until he was just outside the entrance to the gatehouse . Then , as quickly as he could , he sprinted through without even glancing at the woman inside . He continued to run well past the river but slowed a bit when he started down the final leg of the climb . He knew it wouldn 't be long now before he was home . Home . Did he really want to go home ? Did he need to go home ? He considered a life away from home . He could use the little money he had left to start a new life somewhere . Sure , the funds would barely cover the cost of a room for a couple of nights , but it might be enough time to find a job and … What was he thinking ? He needed his family now more than ever . Now that he had been to the peak perhaps people would listen to him and try to help him . He needed warm , loving family and friends to lean on . Dak reached his home just a couple hours past sundown . He crashed through the front door and went straight to his own bed . The pack dangled off the side of the bed still hanging from his arm when he fell asleep . That first night his parents stood in his doorway full of pride in their son , now a man in their eyes . However , when he did not get out of bed all the next day they began to worry . His mother sat by his side for several long hours , feeling his forehead and fighting back tears . The following morning when he didn 't get out of bed again his father sent for the town doctor . " Well , I haven 't ever seen this happen before , but my father told me of a similar case that he saw once . There was a young man , very much like your son Dak , who returned from the mountain with bandages wrapped around his fists . He came home at night , got in bed , and didn 't get out of bed for three days . My dad was at their house when the boy got out of bed and started uttering nonsense . Eventually the boy left to visit the mountain again , but the dangers there overcame him and he was never seen again . " Dak could hear his mother gasp before she started sobbing . The fog was starting to clear . He willed himself to leave the bed , but he could not . He needed to get out of bed and prove to them that he wasn 't like that . He wouldn 't speak nonsense . He wouldn 't be taken back to the mountain to die . He tried to shift around a bit . His limbs wouldn 't respond . He felt trapped . He was in a dark place in his mind , surrounded by pure sadness and sorrow . He managed to start opening his eyes . It was a slow and painful process . As more light flooded inside he found that he could budge his hands and arms a bit . It wasn 't much , but it made a sound . His mother and father poured into the room with the doctor at their heels . With his parents smothering him in hugs he slowly regained his strength . Eventually he could sit up in bed , but he was still too weak to speak . Their questions made his head spin . He couldn 't focus on them . He focused on his father 's face , watching his lips move but not being able to separate one voice from the next . Dak turned his head to face his mother . The look of concern in her face was full of love , but her words were no more clear to him than his father 's were . Even the doctor was speaking , but his word were just as buried as the others . Slowly , though , a word or two came into focus . He made out , " What happened ? " Then , " feeling . " He thought he heard his father asking about money . Dak dropped his gaze to the floor and saw that , at some point , his parents must have gone through his pack trying to discover the source of his apparent illness . He gave up on trying to understand them . His thoughts were clear enough though . Rhoj had not been there , but perhaps if he were to climb the other peak … Perhaps then he could meet one of the great Teachers . Clearly nobody had even tried in , what did the liar say ? Over a hundred years ? Dak didn 't think the imposter was lying about the other peak going unvisited while their business operated . But to what lengths would their cooperative go in order to prevent people from climbing the eastern peak ? Surely the man at the fork in the road wasn 't the only obstacle . Did they have men guarding the base of the mountain , ready to kill anyone who tried to climb it ? Were they trying to hide something ? Was Tahl still up there ? Was that their true secret ? What if there really were guards though ? Then Dak would need to be armed . He would need some kind of weapon both for defense and to advocate his cause . His attention wandered back to the voices in the room . He furled his brow and looked down at his bandage - bound hands . " What happened , " was the question he would try to answer . He moved his mouth , but no words came . He pushed air through his windpipe and made a sound . It was barely a grunt , but it was enough to quiet the room as his parents and the doctor listened intently . What would he tell them ? He couldn 't tell them the truth . Not only would it but completely unhelpful , it would put them all in danger . No , he had to lie to them . Hardly managing to whisper , he started , " I … I … " Their ears were turned to him . " Never … " He thought a moment , realizing this was an opportunity . " Beasts … " he said . " I was attacked . " Each word was followed by a short pause . " Fended them off . " " Oh son , " his father said , putting a fatherly hand on his shoulder . " I 'm so glad you made it home safely . You could have been killed . Why didn 't you go with a group , like everyone else ? " " Well , " his father started , " there 's another group leaving tomorrow morning . You should go with them . You tried on your own , and you made it home alive . That 's quite an accomplishment , and nothing to be ashamed of . " Mother interrupted though . " Well , if he wants to go alone I think he should go alone . We should help him prepare so that he won 't have to turn back next time . " Dak noticed that the doctor had quietly slipped from the room at some point . He wasn 't sure what the man had heard , but he was sure he couldn 't trust anyone . Would the doctor report to the business that he is claiming to have never reached the top ? Would there be a penalty or punishment for that lie ? Hadn 't the criminal at the peak asked him to lie ? So what if Dak changed the lie a bit . " Rest , " he said . Accordingly , his parents brushed their hands over his head lovingly and bid him to rest well . Dak knew that even if they would come after him for the lie he had a couple days . There was no way to get information up or down that mountain very quickly , not that he knew of anyhow . He knew that he needed to rest up , to eat well and exercise a bit to make sure he was fit , and he would need a weapon . He figured he would wait until later that day to get out of bed and go for a jog . Sure enough , later that afternoon he felt rested enough to get out of bed and eat . His mother let him eat as much as he felt he needed . He would need his strength , she said , when father protested . Then as the sun was setting , Dak went for a jog through town for an hour or so . He was glad to see that he was still strong and healthy . Once back at home his father must have had a change of heart , because he was sitting on the floor cradling a sword in his lap . " Come sit with me , " he said . Dak sat with his legs crossed , facing his father , who lifted the sword and regarded it . " This was my father 's sword , and now I 'm giving it to you . It served him well , but hasn 't done much for me . I feel that it will be of great assistance to you in your quest . " Dak looked the sword over from the hilt to the tip of the blade . It wasn 't particularly ornate , but it had been well cared for . The hilt was wrapped in worn but sturdy leather . The blade and hilt metal were clean and shiny . The sword 's edge appeared to be sharp and had clean lines all along the length of the blade . It was a simple tool , a cutting tool . His father extended his arms to pass the blade to his son . " Yes , " father replied . " I want you to have it . Take it with you to fend off the beasts . When my father ascended one of the peaks he took it with him and told countless tales of how it saved his life from many a deadly obstacle . You and I must take different paths , but it seems your path is in the steps of my father . Take the blade and return with honor . " They spent the rest of the evening replenishing Dak 's pack with supplies . They fitted the sword 's scabbard to the pack and made sure he had everything he 'd need . When they finished it was clear to Dak that he should set out that very night . He said goodnight to his parents , and without a sound he slipped out the front door into the night instead of returning to his bed . His gut wrenched a little as he approached the fork in the road , seeing a light flickering at the booth . He decided to leave the road and take a wide arc around the booth to the right , hopefully avoiding talking to whoever was manning it tonight . Despite the cover of darkness , the stars and the moon provided enough light for him to see a man get up from the booth and start walking out to meet him . Dak widened his arc a little and picked up his pace . The shadowy figure picked up pace as well , still heading directly for him . Dak didn 't want to have to draw his sword , but he had a bad feeling that the meeting wouldn 't be as cordial as the last time . As the two grew closer he could see clearly that it was the same wiry old man as before . The man called out , " Dak ? Is that you ? Where are you going so late ? " Dak slowed his pace to avoid looking more suspicious than he already did . " I never reached the top on my first go . That path was too difficult for me , so I 'm going to take the path to the right here . " " I can help you with the more difficult path . Perhaps you did not meet my friend Jur who has a goat cart . He can help you reach the top . " " After my experience on the western peak I decided it might be better to travel at night on the first day . " Dak really had no good explanation , and he knew that one wouldn 't hold water . " But really , I must be on my way . Good night . " He politely begged his pardon and began to walk around the old man . " Dak , I can 't in good conscience let you go that way at night . It 's not safe . " He took some steps back , keeping in front of Dak . The old man shuffled quickly to get back in front of Dak . " Your father will never forgive me if I let you go now and something happens to you . Really , I must insist that you turn back now . " The old man reached out and grabbed Dak by the arm . His grip was firm . It hurt a little . Dak looked down at the old man 's bony knuckles and back up at the man 's face . Their gaze met and they both stopped . Dak 's face wore a look of surprise , but the old man 's face was stern and cold . " You cannot go that way . " Dak struggled a bit against the grip , but it was like a vice . He realized that he had no choice but to meet the physical restraint with physical resistance . In one motion he yanked his arm free , kicked the man back with his foot , and reached back and drew his sword from the side of his pack . He watched the old man stumble backward with a look of shock on his face , then Dak took off sprinting down the path . Dak ignored him and kept running . Eventually he met back up with the deep groove of dirt that ran through the grass . However , that path eventually disappeared altogether . It was immediately apparent that the worn path was maintained to look worn , but there was no actual path up the mountain on the east . If there had ever been a path it was long gone . Still jogging along , he glanced over his shoulder to see if he was being followed . He couldn 't see any pursuer . Dak slowed and came to a stop , sheathing the sword and gazing at the mountain . He could hear owls and other night creatures active ahead of him . He wondered how many of them would be dangerous . He started to reach for his sword again , but stopped and chuckled to himself . Out loud he told himself , " Dak , don 't be foolish . " But what was foolish ? Beginning his ascent at night , doing it without his sword drawn ? What did it matter at this point ? He knew that the ascent would be too dangerous if he went straight up the side of the mountain , so he roughly estimated a path around the base that led gently upwards , marking several visual landmarks along what he could see of his makeshift path . He took a deep breath and started toward the first landmark , a break in the trees far off in the distance . As he walked he listened to the sounds of the creatures around him . Howls , hoots , rustling grass , snapping twigs . In the plains he felt he was safe enough . The grass offered little cover for anything large enough to threaten him . But he knew he 'd be among trees soon , and there he was sure he 'd fear for his life . The moon was still high in the sky when he met his first landmark . Thankfully he guessed he had happened upon the remains of an old path . There was a clearing in the trees that stretched out far into the distance , gently curving around to the left and up the mountain . He looked around to see if there were any dangers that he could make out before entering the dense forest , but he saw nothing . In he went , looking over his shoulder at the grasslands behind him . As he walked along the old trail he noticed how overgrown the path had become . There was a thick growth of plants and bushes that he had to navigate , and in some places trees were beginning to grow into the hard , beaten ground . Most of the trees along the path were still relatively young , telling him that either the path had fallen into disuse more recently than the liar had suggested , or the ground had only recently become suitable for the roots to take hold . As he pondered the growth and what it might tell him about the path , he began to hear a distant rushing water . The sound grew louder as he approached the same roaring river that cut across the path on the other mountain . At this elevation the two peaks were still joined at the hip , and the river cut across the southward face of both mountains . Where the path met the river Dak could tell there was once a bridge , but it had long since collapsed and been carried away by the rapids . He looked up and down the river for anything that might help . Perhaps a tree had fallen or there was another bridge . But he had no such luck . Stopping to think , he sat at the edge of the water on the bank and filled his water pouches . Again , the water was crystal clear and sweet to the taste . It was cool , probably runoff from a glacier somewhere . He idly opened his pack and rummaged around inside , looking for anything that might help him cross . The rope seemed a hopeful prospect . He took it out and peered back inside , but nothing else of use stood out to him . He had about a hundred feet of rope , a length that took up more than half of the volume of his pack , but he knew could come in handy . It was a sturdy and heavy rope . He guessed that the river at the path was only about thirty feet across , so his rope should provide plenty of length . He looked around again , wishing he had an axe . Bringing one tall tree down over the river would provide a useful bridge . He sighed . Nearby he found a heavy stick that wasn 't much larger than his arm . He tied one end of the rope to it and tied the other end to a tree right on the bank of the river . He threw the stick as hard as he could , but it fell short of the opposite bank . He pulled it back in to himself and tried again , bouncing it off the muddy ground on the other side . After a few minutes he managed to get the stick to fly over the branch of a tree on the far side of the river , but he couldn 't get it to secure itself to the branch . When he pulled on the rope the stick came back over the edge of the branch and fell onto the ground . He reeled the stick back to himself again , frustrated . Again and again he threw the stick over the branch and tried different things to get it to attach itself sufficiently . He just needed to be able to pull on it and have it hold fast so he could cling to it as he forded the river . After another fifteen or twenty minutes he got the stick to wrap the rope around the branch on the far side several times . He pulled gently at first , tightening the rope to the branch . The stick had twisted the rope a few times as well , creating a fairly strong hold . Tentatively Dak tested the hold . He pulled harder and harder until he was leaning his full weight on the rope , his feet slipping in the grass . He tugged and yanked on it , and his heart gained courage . Finally , he tied his end of the rope to his waist , securing his pack and water pouches to his body as well . Taking up the slack of the rope in his hands , he started pulling himself across the cold river . Immediately his knees went stiff in the cold water . The water wasn 't deep near the edge of the bank , but as he waded farther out he started to wonder if he would be able to swim with all of the weight of his pack on him . He kept pulling in the slack on the rope and pulling himself forward . His muscles were aching and sore . His hands could barely grip the rope . Some of the larger rocks in the bottom of the river provided him with platforms to hop between in order to avoid the need to swim . Carefully he aimed and leaped , taking care to account for the flow of the water . The first hop went well enough , but he slipped and nearly lost his balance . He took up the slack on the rope quickly and steadied himself . The next rock was a little farther , but he was sure he could make it . Again , he stumbled , but stayed above water . The third hope did not go so well . He slipped and plunged under the water , losing his grip on the rope and sucking in a bunch of water . The river quickly swept him away , turning and wheeling him about . Dak felt a sharp pain , a blow to his head . Choking on water and stiff in the cold water , he grasped all around him , trying to get ahold of the rope , but even when his hand brushed against it he couldn 't grip it . With a crack , his head smashed against another rock on the bottom of the river and he felt himself fade to sleep . When he finally opened his eyes again he was looking up at the moon . Not much time had passed , but he had no way of knowing how long he had been out . The rope had held , thankfully , and swung him around to rest on the shore of the opposite bank , nearly a hundred feet downriver . He coughed up water . His breathing was painful and labored . His chest was sore . His head burned and ached . Once he had scrambled away from the river a bit he reached up to feel around his head and his hand came back covered in blood . He took out a length of bandage from his pack and wrapped his head . He untied the rope from his waist and tried to stand up . The cold had made his whole body numb . The parts of him that he could feel were hurting . He used a nearby tree to stand himself upright . He felt uneasy on his feet , but knew he needed to keep himself moving for a while to warm up . His muscles refused to cooperate . He nearly fell back to the ground . He wished he had stayed home . There would have been no shame in living the same stupid lie as everyone else . He was going to get himself killed out here and then he would never experience happiness anyway . Dak vigorously rubbed his sick , white hands on his chest and sides . He leaned against the tree and lifted a leg , trying to shake it and move it . Eventually it moved a little . He tried the other . After several long minutes he took his first steps away from the support of the tree . It took a few more minutes of pacing around in circles before he could bend over and pick up the rope . He began slowly taking it up in his arms and wrapping it back up as he traveled up the river toward his starting place at the path . The ninety feet or so that he had to cover took far longer than it should have . After only fifty feet he had given up wrapping the rope nicely and began stuffing it in his bag as he walked . At the base of the tree whose branch held the other end of the rope he set his bag down with the rest of the rope inside and peered up at the stick , wondering how he might get the whole length of rope back . He didn 't want to cut the rope down . Ever last inch of the rope could come in handy later . He pondered climbing the tree , but in his current state he thought it unwise . After several moments of brainstorming he decided to set up camp . A fire would help warm him back up . He could eat . He could rest a bit until day break , which only looked to be a couple hours away , then he could try climbing the tree in the morning . As he got the fire going , a task that he found remarkably difficult with numb fingers , he remembered learning in school that it was dangerous to close your eyes and sleep after a hard hit to the head . He heard stories of people taking blows to the head , going to sleep , and never waking back up . The thought worried him . He ate some food and felt the feeling coming back to his limbs . His fingers and toes were still numb , but the rest of his flesh felt as though it was being ripped from his bones . It tingled and burned with a sharp intensity that he had never experienced before . He wanted to go home , but crossing the river again was not an option . It was far too late for that . He was going up the mountain or he would die trying . Ultimately he decided that he could rest his eyes if he were sitting up , so he leaned against a tree in a way that he hoped would cause him to fall over and wake up if he started to drift off to sleep . However , the warmth of the fire , his full belly , and the lateness of the hour all combined their forces and overpowered him . He fell asleep sitting up . It was nearly noonday when he awoke . A wave of relief washed over him . He was relieved that he had woken up at all . He was relieved that nothing had eaten him while he slept . He was relieved that he had survived his fall in the river . He was relieved that he hadn 't turned back and gone home , as his dreams had suggested . It didn 't take him long to get the rope , and he only nearly fell once . He watched in satisfaction as the stick dropped to the ground . He made his way back down , ignoring the scrapes and bruises from his climb . Packed up and ready to go , Dak put his sights forward along the path again . The rise seemed gentler than that of the other mountain 's path . All the rest of the day he walked , without stopping again until nightfall . As the sun began to set he could hear the night wildlife stirring . He could hear far more beasts now . He looked down the hill and turned to face up the mountain . He guessed he was no more than a quarter of the way up . He became somewhat frustrated as his apparent lack of progress , but he did not wish to risk traveling at night now . There were far too many dangers this high up . He was far from civilization . Whatever organization was running the scam on the other mountain had obviously scared off or killed off any wildlife that had once inhabited the other mountain , but this peak was teeming with life . Before the sun finished setting he found a tiny clearing where he could set up his tent . He used the rope and sticks to form a fence around the clearing , attaching the rope to the trees when possible . He hoped it would be enough to ward off dangerous animals . He also build a fire , hoping it would act as a deterrent as well . That evening Dak ate in silence , listening to the sounds of hordes of wild animals hunting and prowling around him . When he looked off into the blackness around his clearing he swore he could see eyes peering back at him from all around . He broke a branch off one of the live trees at his perimeter and fashioned it into a torch , taking advantage of the sap seeping out . At the edge of his fence he leaned the torch out into the darkness to see what he might see . Sure enough , some kind of large predatory cat was poised to attack . When it saw the flames it backed off a little , then lunged out , hissing . Dak whirled around and scrambled back to his pack to draw the sword , just as the big cat leaped over the fence and began bounding toward him . He spun around with the sword outstretched in defense . He slashed at the sprinting cat , who was leaping at him . Dak fell to the ground as the cat hurled over him , howling in pain . It rolled on the ground behind him as he struggled back to his feet . The cat , more cautious now , slashed out at him . Dak swung the blade defensively and the cat backed away from it , but didn 't turn to retreat yet . The big cat gave one last growling hiss before giving up and turning to leap out of the enclosure . The predator left a trail of dripping blood . Dak hoped the amount of blood indicated a light wound the cat could recover from on its own . He didn 't want to be a murderer . He nearly collapsed to the ground out of relief , wiping the sweat from his forehead . A good deal of sweat was dripping from beneath the bandages he still wore on his head . The sweat stung his wounds . Quote # 60 " The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as the greatest virtues . " - Rene DescartesQuote # 59 " There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man ; true nobility is being superior to your former self . " - Ernest HemingwayQuote # 58 " The fool doth think he is wise , but the wise man knows himself to be a fool . " - William ShakespeareTags @ brEATtney It 's AMAZING on everything . And when honey butter isn 't appropriate garlic butter is . They are a perfect fit for each other . - > 1 week ago |
David - in one of my last interviews with him - told me that when his mother , Hazel Mock punished him - it was a simple and direct punishment . She made him stand with his face close to a tree trunk in the front yard no matter the weather , no matter how many neighbors or automobiles went by , no matter if other children made fun of him or even threw things at him . Hazel Mock insisted he stand for at least an hour with his face as near to the bark of the tree trunk as possible . " She didn 't want a mark on me , " explained David . " If I pressed my face up against the tree , she 'd yell at me to step back a bit . She 'd scream , ' Don 't you do that , Rich . Don 't you dare . ' My mother had a strict but simple policy . " Michael verified this . " Yes , " he agreed , " our mother did make Richard stand with his face toward this big tree we had in our front yard - actually I think you 've seen that tree . You know the one - . " In the interview , David told me , " Once a kid threw a rock at me . He hit me here - . " David pointed to his left temple . " I stood bleeding as the kid laughed at first then got scared and ran away . My mother was on our porch , knitting I think . She saw the kid throw the rock . She knew it hit me . She just sat there with her knitting needles - I think she was knitting - and when I turned toward her , believing she 'd want to see how hurt I was , she screamed at me , ' Rich , don 't you dare . ' And I had to stand there for another thirty minutes with blood streaming down my face onto my shirt . I don 't remember if I cried . I bet I didn 't . But I do remember I was angry . " When I spoke with Michael , he denied that Hazel Mock disciplined him in the same manner . " Oh no , " he said , " my mother never made me stand outside in the rain and snow . That was Rich 's punishment , not mine . " " Well , " said Michael , " it wasn 't much of a punishment . My father didn 't particularly enjoy disciplining - and that included disciplining Richard . Our father was - well , still is - a gentle man . He doesn 't raise his voice ; he doesn 't care to hit . He did on occasion wield a belt but always with a measured calmness , never in anger and certainly never in rage . " Michael blushed . He had a large bite of buffalo burger in his mouth and he just spat it out onto the plate . " My father never hit my mother , " he stated . Michael knocked his cola over - the dark liquid moved across the table and over its edge . I scooted my chair back , stood up to avoid getting wet . He said , " Oh , I 'm sorry . " " That 's okay , " I said . I took several napkins from the black holder in the center of the table and wiped up most of the cola . A waitress came with a dry cloth to clean the rest . I thanked her . George was running a low - grade fever , but the nursing staff allowed me to visit him in his room . When I came in , the old man was in his bed with its head cranked up to around forty - five degrees . He was pale but his eyes were open . He grinned at me , said , " Oh there you are . " " Yes , she hit me with her damn Impala one Sunday morning . She was backing it up too fast and clipped me - knocked me right down on my ass . " And the old man laughed . Tears welled up in his eyes . He said , " Oh how I miss her - my Hazel . " " Oh , good Lord , no . " He frowned . He sighed and repeated , " No , good Lord , no . " Then he grew still , added , " I hit her . " The pharmacy job was boring and I didn 't stay there long . I quit after six months , did an internet search and found the job I had for the remainder of the time I was ' on the loose ' so to speak . I found employment in the large distribution center . Although I realize that sounds just as boring as stocking medications in the pharmacy , the distribution center job involved travel in a van to all parts of Rapid City and to some of the outlying areas . This travel afforded me opportunities to identify more victims - and if you haven 't figured it out yet - that was what I was searching . At all times , I searched for people over which to wield power - the power to terrify hearts , the power to take lives . Being inside a van , I was able to spot potentials - people who appeared vulnerable or deserving or better yet - both . I tried to explain this to Max Peterson at our next interview but he was distracted by Felix , or so it seemed to me . I thought perhaps Max wanted to spend his precious time with the guard more than he wanted to spend his time with me . He kept glancing at Felix while I talked about the red - haired woman I killed soon after graduating from college . Max acted as if he didn 't know I 'd gone to the University of Iowa or that I graduated with a degree in Chemistry . But , he also didn 't appear particularly interested in these facts , ignoring me when I told him I graduated with honors . While I talked , Max looked at Felix who gave him a knowing look at least once . I smiled at the two men who were attempting to communicate something to one another . " Well , where 'd you go to school ? " I paused . I 'd never asked Max for any personal information so I wasn 't entirely surprised by the look he gave me or the silence that fell in the small room . Of course , Max just shook his head and told me he had no intention of sharing any of his life with " someone like you , David . " " No , " I said honestly , " I didn 't know that . You always seem so paranoid when Michael is here . You act terrified that you 'll let me out instead of him at the end of our visits . " " I guess so , " said Max . But I spotted the doubt - that nagging uncertainty - in his expression . He didn 't know for sure . He was afraid of being made a fool . He was distressed that Dr . Smack might - in fact - be correct . Max was worried that I was indeed a hideous monster . And in Max 's doubt I had my power over him . Then , I looked at Felix . The guard was looking at me with the same pity and understanding I loathed . Now I knew why I did not have power over him . Felix didn 't believe . Without belief in my monstrosity , there could be no fear and without fear , there was no power . The idea of denying my confessions bothered me for the entire weekend . During the week , most inmates had assignments - essentially job tasks around the hospital . I worked in the laundry on Mondays , Wednesdays and Fridays and in the gardens on Tuesdays and Thursdays . Not surprisingly I preferred the gardens . Being outside was good . But on the weekends we each had too much time on our hands - time to worry , time to get bored , time to grow anxious and crazy . On top of having more time with myself and with no one else , I also had another dead person calling across time and space , reminding me that I was not an innocent victim . This person I killed in Wyoming . I 'd driven across the state border on a weekend excursion - I 'd decided to go camping , try my hand at fishing . I had nothing better to do . Just across the border , my old heap failed me . I stood peering under the faded blue hood pretending I might discover what was wrong when a bright red pick - up truck pulled over in front of my car . A forty - something gentleman hopped out of the cab , called out , " You need some help there , buddy ? " The man wore coveralls and a red and black plaid shirt making him look like a lumberjack - except that he was small in frame and wasn 't carrying an axe . He leaned in next to me to stare at the engine . He wiggled a couple of cables and grinned at me . He said , " I really don 't know much about engines . " " Well , " he said , " I tell you what . I 'm driving into Gillette , why don 't you come along ? Just lock up your car and I 'll take you to a garage I know where you can get a towing service - . " I excused myself from him , reached into my car to get my short blade knife which I placed in the concealed holster in the crook of my back . From the back seat , I grabbed my camping kit - a small tent , a sleeping bag and some food and water . Then I slammed the driver 's door , locked the car and followed the gentleman to his pick - up truck . I tossed my camping gear in the truck bed , and climbed into the passenger side . The day was overcast and the light from the afternoon was fading rapidly . As we drove along , the man grew silent . He turned on the radio and we listened to country - western songs for miles . Then he turned it down , asked me , " So you live around these parts ? " Silence fell again . The man turned up the radio so that we listened to more country - western songs . About twenty - five miles later , he turned the radio down again , introduced himself , " My name 's Bob Miller . " Silence fell once more . For a few minutes , Bob didn 't turn the radio volume back up , then he reached for the knob and turned it up louder than before . The music swelled and I shut my eyes . " Okay , sure . " He drove on a few miles looking for a turn - in . The road was wide and the shoulder relatively even . He pulled in and turned off the engine . As soon as he did , I reached back to the knife in the holster , pulled it , turned slightly toward Bob and stuck the blade under his right arm into his chest . He flinched as I 'm certain it was a shock . He grabbed at me , but I 'd taken the knife from his ribcage and made one clean slice across his jugular - the blood was already spurting against the inside of the truck 's windshield . He gurgled one word or semblance of a word before he died . As he tried to speak one more time , I pulled up his right shirt sleeve and meticulously carved a small diamond on the inside of his wrist . Then , I got out of the truck , stood , unzipped my fly and took my piss . After relieving myself , I leaned back into the cab , took my shirt corner and wiped down the passenger door , the dashboard , and the seat while avoiding the blood that was still gushing from Bob Miller . Then I gathered my belongings from the truck bed , turned away , and headed into the woods . Flashlight on , I walked well into the night , using my compass to make sure I was heading away from the highway and not accidentally circling back which is so easy to do . I found a stream , set up the tent , rolled out the sleeping bag , ate a dry meal bar and drank a bottle of water , then slept . In the morning , I surveyed my map of Wyoming . I 'd noted the mile markers as Bob clipped along on the highway and so I had a good idea where I was - Gillette would be a four mile hike west of my location . The attendant - who was probably twenty - five or so - laughed . I glared at him but he missed it because he was looking at his dirty fingernails . He said , " Well , it 's likely to cost you a small fortune to have your car towed from there to here . I 'll call my sister shop in Rapid City and have them pick it up . How 's that sound ? " Getting home didn 't prove to be as difficult as I expected . I found the bus station in downtown Gillette - the garage attendant was kind enough to drop me off so that I caught a red - eye special back into Rapid City . Then I took a taxi to my house . My interview with Mrs . Mock was one of the strangest I 've done in my career - a career that spans twenty or so years now . She didn 't want to meet with me at first ; didn 't want me in her home . Once I convinced her to let me inside , she showed me what I came to see . My interview developed over time - after she showed me the way into her basement , pointing , " The collection 's down there , but it 's boxed up . I always hated those things . Wish I could have talked George into keeping them in the attic instead of the basement . You know , Mr . Peterson , I had to move my washer and dryer into the kitchen ' cause I couldn 't stand to be down there with those dead things . " I remember I raised my eyebrows . I actually felt them lift . Then the now elderly woman pointed again to the dark wooden staircase leading into the basement . She pulled a string to turn on the overhead bare - bulbed light , and said , " Right down there . You can 't miss ' em . " When I came back up , she must have noticed my dismay . Hazel Mock offered me a cup of black tea and I took her gesture of kindness to mean she might allow me an interview . I nodded , said , " Please ma ' am . " " Maybe , " she said and disappeared behind the wall separating the two areas of the house . I stood up , followed her into the kitchen . She turned , looked at me , said , " I thought I put you on the couch . " She put a silver kettle on the stovetop and turned on the gas - the pilot failed to catch . She took a wooden match , struck it and lit the eye - blue flames shot around the black circle as if to wink at us . " There , " she said , then looked at me . " Damn house is falling apart . " I glanced around her kitchen . The windows were dirty ; a few dishes were piled in the sink . Clean clothes were stacked neatly atop the washer with dirty ones heaped on the floor in front of the dryer . A broom lay across the floor at a back door as if it had fallen and she hadn 't bothered to pick it up . I ventured , " You 're not like Richard . " " No , I 'm not . I 'm more like Michael - or should I say , Michael 's more like me . Rich and I are like strangers . I never connected to my son . I wanted to , believe me . But Rich was not - how do I say it ? He was not accessible . " " Rich was always sure I was going to be mean to him ; he anticipated it . Even if my intentions were kind , Rich would see them as mean . If I asked him to take out the trash , I was accusing him of not taking out the trash . If I asked him to feed the dog , then Rich took that to mean I thought he was trying to starve the dog . If I told Rich he ought to do his homework before watching a t . v . program he liked , he would take that to mean he shouldn 't enjoy that t . v . program . Oh god , I could go on and on . " The kettle was now fully whistling and she turned off the gas . She took a ragged dishcloth and picked up the hot kettle from the eye . Hazel Mock poured the boiling water over the tea bag in a clean white mug . Hazel Mock looked at me , said , " It makes me mean . " Then she smiled and goosebumps leaped across my forearms . She asked , " Do you take sugar ? Cream ? " She put half ' n half in my tea , just enough , and handed me the hot mug . Then she gestured for me to sit at the small kitchen table which was pushed up close to a window . On one side was a narrow bench while on the other side were two small chairs . I sat on the bench as she sat in the first chair across from me . I sipped the hot tea . Then I asked , " So Richard tells me Mr . Mock beat him . " " Is it true ? " And Hazel laughed , tears forming in her eyes . " George beat me . That 's true , but oddly enough he never laid a hand on either of our children , Mr . Peterson . " Michael and I had our worst brotherly fight when we turned twelve . Michael got the perfect gift from our father - a bb - gun while I got a book on butterflies . I was so angry . I couldn 't take it out on our father , so I took it out on Michael later when we were alone in our bedroom . I didn 't understand why our parents made us share a room ; it wasn 't like one of us couldn 't have stayed in the attic or - oh god - the basement with my father 's collection of dead insects and rodents ! I crawled on top of Michael just as he was falling to sleep and pressed my left hand into his throat . He gasped and his eyes flew open . He stared at me in the darkness . I let my hand up slightly so he could breathe . He gasped again , whispered hoarsely , " What ? What are you doing ? " He shook his head to indicate he did not want my book , but I pressed my hand into his throat again and saw that my brother couldn 't breathe . I smiled at him , nodded my head several times , said , " You want the book , don 't you ? " I let up my hand again , and this time Michael said , " Yes , I want the butterfly book - please . " I let go of him , stepped off the bed , stood up straight and said , casual - like , " Oh okay . You can have the book . I tell you what - I 'll take that bb - gun for it . Okay ? " Then I crawled into the top bunk and went to sleep . I knew Michael wouldn 't tell our parents of my attack . I knew this because Michael knew I 'd kill him - not metaphorically mind you , but actually kill him . The next day , I took my bb - gun into the woods behind our property thinking I 'd shoot some crows . But when I aimed at one of the birds , my arms began to shake . Within a few seconds of having the bird in my gun sight , I realized I couldn 't shoot a dumb animal . I couldn 't be like my father - I couldn 't kill a living animal . I admit that this inability to kill a dumb thing surprised me . Standing in the woods with the gun , I also realized that a gun was too impersonal . I didn 't want to kill anything with a gun . I would use a weapon that required up close and personal attention . I would use knives . And that 's when I remembered my grandfather 's knife on the cutting table - so beautiful and balanced . That 's when I decided to purchase my first knife through mail - order . I sold my bb - gun back to Michael and not for the book on butterflies . I made him pay me his whole allowance - five dollars . With those five dollar bills and money I 'd earned mowing lawns and raking leaves , I ordered the Colts High Plains dagger . When the dagger arrived , I showed it to Michael . I said , " With this , I can do anything I want . You know that , don 't you ? " " I won 't need my hand on your throat anymore , " I said , smiling . " I need only put this sharp edge against your throat and slice . And you 'll bleed out like a stuck pig - . " " Make me , " I said , and walked out of our room , the dagger in my left hand . I stopped in the hallway , came back into our room and put the Colts High Plains dagger in my locker . I put the small key in my pocket , and left my brother behind . In seventh grade , I showed Michael what it meant to be smarter than most other students . I did very well , especially in our math and science classes . Unfortunately for him , we were in the same classrooms for these two subjects and his grades were consistently and considerably worse than mine . But then again , most of the students in those classes didn 't do as well as I did . I had competition from one boy - I 've been trying to remember his name - I think he was called Lon or Larry . I 'm not sure . At any rate , he was smart , did well on tests . He had no trouble with homework whereas I hated homework and sometimes turned it in late which counted against me . Therefore , Lon or Larry was first in our class and I was second . Being second didn 't bother me until graduation ; then I was Salutatorian whereas Lon or Larry was our Valedictorian . As he delivered his speech to our high school graduating class , I dreamed of ways to kill him . However , I didn 't kill him . Instead , I killed Steven Miles who I didn 't know except that he was vulnerable on the day I decided to kill someone - even if that someone was not Lon or Larry . Michael graduated in the middle of our class , having average grades . But our parents were proud of him , of what he accomplished despite not having the mental prowess I had . As for what they thought of me , my mother said something about my Salutatorian address to the class - she said it was " interesting . " " He was , " I admitted even though by now I hated Lon or Larry . I remember his name - he was Lon Lancaster and he went on to own a computer software development company in Sioux Falls and become wealthy and powerful in his own right . I never went down to Sioux Falls for fear I 'd run into him and naturally murder him . If I murdered Lon Lancaster , everyone would turn to look at me and I 'd be caught - caught long before I was ready to confess . Michael shook my hand after we both received our diplomas . Because the first letter of his first name comes before mine in the alphabet , he was in front of me in line . I stood behind him as he reached for his high school diploma and saw him turn back to watch me receive mine . He was proud . I saw this in his face and I admit I teared up briefly when I realized Michael still loved me despite every threat he 'd endured from me over the years . I was embarrassed as I took my piece of paper from our district superintendent for I 'd not felt anything when Michael graduated . After that day , my relationship with Michael changed . I didn 't threaten him again . To some extent , this was due to the fact that Michael and I parted ways - he went to the local two - year community college while I left the state to attend a much better school - the University of Iowa in Iowa City . The four years that I attended university , studying chemistry , I didn 't think about killing . This hiatus went unnoticed by me until much later - it was as if I became a different person the day I graduated from high school . " I don 't know , " I said . Then without speaking to her further , I marched upstairs , opened my bedroom door , reached under the bed , pulled out my metal locker , trotted downstairs with it , peered into the living room . " Got what I came for , " I said to my mother who was just turning off her program . " I 'll be heading out now . " " It 's mine , " I repeated , " and it 's none of your business what it is . " My father moved toward me , and I threatened him with the metal locker , raising it up as if it were a weapon . " Don 't , " I warned the man who hated me . " I 'm going now . Okay ? " I nodded , said , " Yes , Michael attended the ceremony yesterday . " I turned , opened the front door after resting my metal locker on my thigh so my hand would be free to twist the door knob . I turned again , said to my parents , " Don 't blame Michael . I asked him not to tell you . Good - bye . " Then I pushed the door open and walked out as I heard my mother howl like a hurt dog . Sandy Whitehead wanted to come with me to the mental hospital in Jamestown . She 'd heard me talk about David Stone , aka Richard Mock at my desk . Sometimes when I type , I speak out loud to myself , ask myself questions , even argue with my own thoughts . Sandy caught me doing this . She stood behind me one afternoon and said , " What are you writing , Mr . Peterson ? " I agreed , and she came along the Saturday that David described cutting off the feet of a victim . The man was killed deep in the national forest near Jewel Cave , found without his feet , naked from the waist down . Not violated in any other way - other than losing both his life and his feet from the ankles down . I knew David 's blunt , unfeeling description disturbed my young photographer . I could see it in the way the camera shook as she raised it late in the day . Up until David told the tale of killing the hiker , Sandy was calm . But after hearing David 's gruesome details , she had a hard time being in the same room with him . Finally , I tried to excuse her . I asked the guard at the door - Felix , I believe his name was - to take Sandy out to the front lobby and get her a glass of water or something . Felix said , " I 'm sorry Mr . Peterson , I can 't leave my post . But I 'll radio up to the front office to have someone bring Ms . Whitehead a glass of water . " Felix missed my point completely - my attempt to get Sandy out of the room was lost on the guard . I was pretty certain David knew what I was attempting to accomplish . I could almost hear her say in her mind , " I need a stiff drink , not water . " I know I wanted a stiff one about then . Although David denied remembering , I knew that he 'd taken those feet and hung them in a tree near the end of a well - marked , frequently hiked trail . When I say ' end ' of the trail , I mean a point at which the wide trail converges with another more treacherous path , one that takes a steep and narrow turn downhill . At this junction , David strung the feet together with fishing line and hung them in a tree just high enough that they might be missed by a distracted hiker , but low enough that eventually someone would spot them and scream , most likely . Obviously they were eventually discovered and - after several weeks of searching - the body of the thirty - three year old father of two was found as well . His name was Peter Pincher ; a man who loved the woods , was an avid bird - watcher and photographer like Sandy . His wife , Alice was devastated when she heard of his death and mortified that someone had cut off her husband 's feet . Alice Pincher stood up in the court room during David 's first trial and cried out , " What kind of animal are you to do such a thing ? " The judge rapped his gavel on his broad oak desk and commanded the young woman to sit down and remain calm or be " taken from my court room . " The young widow sat down and stayed remarkably quiet throughout the remainder of the long trial . Sandy Whitehead was the same - she appeared to want to scream at David Stone ; but instead she remained incredibly quiet and focused her camera 's eye - rather than her own - on him . Her photographs of the killer turned out to be splendid and it was difficult - near impossible - for me not to use all of them . But in the long run , the magazine printed four of her pictures within the body of the article and one at its beginning - a photoshop of David looking slightly to his left and a near duplicate of him looking slightly to his right . Twins within the same human being ; this still seemed true to me . But I had to trust the psychiatrists who knew so much more than I could ever know about split personality and about disordered personality . Surely David Stone could be said to have a disordered personality . If not , then why was he incarcerated in a maximum security insane asylum ? David Stone talked about Peter and Alice Pincher for fifteen or so minutes , telling us that soon after the end of the trial , Alice committed suicide , leaving her young children motherless . He smiled at Sandy , said to me , " She wasn 't a good mother . Any mother who would leave her children like that - children still in their early years , still in great need of her - well , that 's a bad mother . " David told us that the Pincher children wound up in foster care because their grandparents were dead and none of their other family were able to care for them . " Awful situation , " he remarked , as if he genuinely cared . At the end of the evening with the serial killer , Sandy and I walked out of the visitors ' room into the lobby . Here - before we reached the front entrance to the hospital - Sandy collapsed on a couch and dissolved into tears . " Oh my god , " she whispered harshly , " what the fuck . " " I 'm sorry I came , " she admitted . Then she looked into my eyes and said , " But Max , I got some great pics . Wait till you see what I got . They 're amazing , I 'm certain . " She became excited , added , " I caught something in the eyes - something I 've never seen before in any other person . " She pulled out her Nikon , turned it back on , began to scroll through the digital images . " Here , " she said , " look at this one here . " She showed me the camera viewing plane , and I stared at the photograph of David Stone . It was David Stone for I saw that something in his eyes that I only spotted now and then - actually quite rarely . I said , " You caught it . " And I hugged her , patting her on the top of her head like she was a child . " That 's fantastic , Sandy ! You caught him . " When Sandy Whitehead showed up with Max Peterson , I was disappointed and angry . I wasn 't going to be alone with the reporter - well , I was never totally alone with anyone due to the guard at the door , whether Felix or Tom or one of the other men of the hospital security team . But this particular Saturday , I had been looking forward to telling Max about my collection of knives , about my time in Arkansas and about the power I had over my brother and others . When Miss Whitehead entered the room slightly behind Mr . Peterson , I was shocked and then angry . The camera bothered me , but I tolerated the young woman taking photographs from every angle imaginable . If she 'd been able to crawl across the ceiling to hang above me , Miss Whitehead would have taken a photograph of me from that perspective . Goddamn , she was persistent . When I told them about the hiker , about what was done to his feet and how his wife abandoned her children and killed herself , I knew that I had gained the upper hand over Miss Whitehead . I felt the same power I always felt when I frightened or horrified another person . I loved that feeling and clung to it as Felix escorted me back to my cell . He said , " You went beyond yourself today , David . " He tapped my left wrist , added , " If I may say so . " I looked at the security guard I 'd known for years , and nodded . I said , " Of course , Felix ; you can say anything to me . You know that . " " Of course I used her , " I said , indignant . " She was using me to get some great photographs . So why couldn 't I use her to get my power back ? " We started out in Rapid City , South Dakota but when my brother and I were six years old , our father moved us back to his hometown , Marked Tree , Arkansas . His parents owned a small town restaurant on Marked Tree 's main drag . Money problems drove their son back to them . We stayed in a back building off the main house , and my mother hated it and probably her husband for landing us there . At least we had some privacy which my mother apparently failed to notice and appreciate . On the other hand , my brother and I loved the cotton fields behind our grandparents ' house - and the three huge pecan trees in their back yard . Our grandmother grew watermelons , green beans and corn right behind her house in a tiny garden . She also kept chickens and squirrels . I don 't remember if we ate squirrel ; I know we had chicken on Sundays after church . My church - going began and ended in Marked Tree . My grandmother would rouse us from bed early Sunday mornings , make us gussy - up and go off to the Baptist church with her . We had to attend Sunday school and then the big people service as well . She wouldn 't put up with fidgeting or fighting or whispering in the pew . She insisted - with her iron grip - that we listen to the preacher and stand up to sing the hymns and close our eyes and move our lips during the prayers . " Just look like you are listening , Richard , " she told me and then she 'd pat Michael on top of the head because Michael was listening . I hated church . I hated the perfumed women all around me in their idiotic hats and clutch purses and high - heeled shoes . The men smelled - well , not much better - with after shave lotion and colognes of their own . The preacher droned on and on , sometimes for a half - hour ! The hymns were impossible to follow and the prayers - to me at six years of age - the prayers were mumbled petitions to a man in the sky who never seemed to hear . Michael laughed , winked at her , and said the correct blessing of our meal . Then we all dug in , cleaning our plates , asking for seconds , even thirds . Only then did our grandmother dish out the apple pie served with a dollop of ice cream . After dessert , Michael and I cleaned off the table and I washed the dishes while he swept the dining room and kitchen floors with a broom too long for him . I remember laughter in that kitchen . On Mondays we attended first grade at the Marked Tree public elementary school . After school , our grandparents expected us to help at the restaurant . Although we were young , I washed dishes for them while Michael swept the floors , again with a broom too long and too heavy for him . I stood on a small metal stool to reach into the deep porcelain sink to wash the pots and pans , glasses and plates , and silverware . The only items my grandfather kept from me were the knives - the butter knives , the sharp steak knives and the carving knives . He washed them separately . The first time I saw one of the long carving knives , I remember wanting to touch it but my grandfather said , " No , Richard , it 's too dangerous . Never touch these knives . These are my knives . You are to leave them alone . Do you understand ? " I understood . But I wanted to touch that one knife - the longest , sharpest looking knife that grandfather owned . His insistence that I stay away from his knives made me want to see and touch them even more . I watched for opportunities to see them in action . Grandmother baked a big turkey - Grandfather carved it . Grandmother grilled rib - eye steaks - customers sliced into them with sharp serrated steak knives . One afternoon at the restaurant , I saw grandfather take out a big cleaver and chop the head off a dead chicken . I almost screamed with excitement . He saw me watching , and I went back to washing a plate , pretending I hadn 't seen the cleaver . My grandmother called out for her husband ; she needed him . He put the cleaver down on the large cutting board next to the head of the chicken . He wiped his hands on his butcher 's apron and walked out of the prep - area . I took my own hands out of the sudsy hot water in the deep sink , dried them on my little apron , climbed off the stool , dragged it over to the high cutting table . I climbed up , reached out to touch the bloody edge of the cleaver . I touched the black wooden handle , then laid my head down next to the blade . I looked along the edge and sighed . The knife had to be the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen in my whole - albeit young - life . " A novel is not designed to sit on a shelf ; rather , a novel is crafted for the hands of the reader . The reader is meant to open its cover and bend back its pages and make its insides come to life . " - - Carley Eason Evans |
What is happening , of course , is that I am rapid cycling in about one week intervals with some daily ups and downs as well . I should have recognized these cycles for what they were much sooner , instead of floundering around like a drowning person , but as I said before , sometimes I am slow on the uptake and don 't see the obvious when it is staring me right in the face . And all that sleeping I did for a couple of days was my system telling me we were in for another change in the cycle . It 's all so clear by now , that I should know this by heart , but I fumble the ball every time and drag everybody in my drama with me as if none of us know that I do this repeatedly . Apparently , I don 't do it often enough for it to be a clear and concise set of behavior , so I want to make it very clear right now , so none of us forget it . Rapid cycling is a repeated change of mood over a specific period of time that can be as short as a day or a week or a month . A change of mood would be going from a very upbeat and positive mood to a very downbeat and depressed mood for no really obvious reason , although it can be triggered by a minuscule little incident , and then having this cycle repeated several times over , or endlessly over and over again . So , anyway , that is what 's been happening with me and it got triggered about a month and a half ago by an incident involving my first ex husband , which I won 't go into here , but which caused me to have many flashbacks to my first marriage and my life in the States and the memories weren 't pleasant . My SPN says that I haven 't been the same since then and I can believe it , because even writing about it this way is very disagreeable to me . So let 's forget all that and get on to other things . I went to my appointment with the head therapist yesterday afternoon , only to get there and find out that she was sick , so no appointment . She won 't be back until Monday at the earliest and I may be able to talk to her then . It was all a bit frustrating and I don 't know what to do now . I feel I need this break , yPosted by In order to wake up well , and get the day started properly , I always feel that I have to write a post , even if I have nothing to report but my most mundane thoughts . I think , well that will do , at least it will organize my thoughts and get my mind set in the right order and I will have reached out and made a tiny effort at contact , but the latter is not necessarily the most important thing , because judging by the reactions , not that many people read these early morning missives . That 's okay , this occupies my mind and keeps me busy while I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarettes and try to ignore the dog who just ate his bowl of food . I woke up early this morning and thought terrible things about myself . I thought , this is awful , you 're not allowed to do this , it is unacceptable , where in the world is this coming from ? It was like somebody had dumped a whole bunch of garbage over me and I was struggling to get free of it . Luckily , I was able to go back to sleep and when I woke up the second time , all that garbage was gone and I could think good thoughts about myself again . I had counted on that happening , but imagine if I had gotten up the first time with those feelings and had started the day that way . It would have been a very painful business and I would be sitting here with quite a different attitude . Waking up that way , covered in garbage , hasn 't happened to me in a long time , but it used to be the story of my life . I always used to wake up with a certain amount of self loathing , sometimes pure self hatred , yet I never let anyone know that I felt this way . I covered it up and did not let on how bad it was . Due to my childhood , I 'm a master at covering up my feelings and very often am not in touch with them myself . I can be in total denial about a state of mind that I am in . That 's because I did it for such a long time , it became my second nature . I totally don 't have a grip on my current mood and have no idea what to think of it . Am I depressed or just tired ? I act like a depressed person , does that make me dePosted by Well , ' Ive been sitting here darn near all day , vowing that I wouldn 't , vowing that I would get some work done , but I haven 't . I have just been wasting my time , the thing that I 'm so good at lately and the thing that keeps me from doing the stuff a proper housewife ought to do , like vacuuming and sweeping the kitchen floor and washing the dishes . Time honored chores that grace the women that do them with a certain status , which I now don 't have , because what am I , but a lazy bum , a good for nothing wastrel ? I could be sitting here from the early morning when I get up with the chickens until I go to bed at night after the whole town has watched the late news . Thank goodness there are a few things I need to do that I can 't ignore , such as feed the animals and walk the dog and even feed myself , although I do tend to forget that and don 't notice that my stomach is very empty and growling and then I only give it some fruit juice , because of my last bad experience with an omelet and with the raisin bread . I am all out of Brie or Camembert , or I would eat some of that , which reminds me that I have to go to the store tomorrow and that in turn reminds me that I have to check my bank account . You never know who automatically has been withdrawing money from it and I don 't want to be surprised . It 's a grab all you can party every month and I have to make sure there 's enough left over for me . The kind people at the bank don 't guard it carefully . I look at the dust and dirt around me and I can 't believe I just live with it . There is dog hair all over the place and a cat just barfed on the area rug and I 'll have to clean that up in a while . All the surfaces are covered with dust and ashes from my cigarettes and tobacco crumbs . Look , I 'm painting a dire picture on purpose , so you will know that I 'm aware of my laziness and the state of my apartment . It can actually be put to rights in no time at all , but I don 't feel that I can take the time to do it . Unless a minor miracle happens . This is the second day that I have not gone doIrene By getting up a little early this morning ( not intentionally ) and by being stubborn in my pursuit to solve a problem , I have managed to get the email program in Ubuntu to work just now and that is a great relief to me , because I was faced with a long wait , I am sure , at the help desk of my internet company 's technical service . I so prefer to fix these problems on my own and I never feel better than when I do . I have two email addresses and I couldn 't believe it when the program worked and started picking up an email for me . It is the first one , I know , bit hopefully others will follow . Now I can drink my third cup of coffee in all peacefulness and that problem won 't be bugging me anymore . Sometimes things do work out the way you want them to , albeit that this is a little problem in the grand scheme of problems . To me it was a very irritating thing and I wanted it solved . Yes , I know , I 'm like a terrier that won 't let go . I 've got a dog here that won 't quit either . He has eaten his whole bowl of food and now wants something from me and keeps looking at me and making pitiful sounds that I try to ignore and when I do , he stops for a while . I think he wants to go out , but I 'm not dressed yet . It may satisfy him if I let him out back . I think he must have been under the weather when he wasn 't eating well , because his appetite has returned and he is eating his normal portions of food again . I didn 't sleep during the day all day yesterday , but that was due to the excitement of installing Ubuntu and getting all the add ons installed and getting things to work . I did reach a point of exhaustion in the evening and made myself go to bed when I could hardly think straight anymore . I do have a tendency to overdo it , but now that I 've got the email program working , I 'm much more at ease . That was my main concern , because I didn 't want to have to flit back and forth between Windows and Ubuntu . Every morning I wake up with a numbed arm and shoulder and pain in my hand . It disappears when I get up , but it 's the same thing every day . Posted by Well , here I am again , somewhat late in the evening , finally getting around to writing a post I have been playing with Ubuntu , which I have installed again on my computer and I 'm trying to get various things to work and that is just the kind of job I needed for today to keep me occupied . Of course , I 'm running into also sorts of frustrations , which I can 't solve right away , so I have to tell myself to be patient and just move back and forth between Windows for my emails and Ubuntu for the rest . I 'm getting quite good at that . I tell the computer to shut off and start up again and I click on the different program . I wrote my SPN an email telling her I was therapy fatigued and that I was holing up in my apartment letting the world go by and hibernating and not participating in life . She wrote me back saying that I should contact the head therapist of the clinic where I have my therapies and tell her about my therapy fatigue , so she and I could make some sort of plan of action about that . So I called her this afternoon and we made an appointment to talk on Thursday afternoon and 2 pm . It may be that I 'll take a break or it may be that I 'll stop the therapies all together , we 'll see . I don 't care very much one way or the other right now . Well , actually , I wouldn 't mind if I were to quit now . I 've had about enough of it and it shows in the work I 've been doing lately . My heart 's not in it anymore . I have to write an email to my SPN telling her about this and explaining to her why I have gone in a hibernating mode , but actually , I 'm quite contend and I don 't care if I stay this way for a while . The hard part is explaining to people why you just don 't care very much at the moment and why you are taking a break from life . The Exfactor came to my rescue and hardly needed any explanation and took Jesker for a walk and then we had coffee and talked about cheerful things , like cats and dogs and animals in the meadows and birds in the sky and bats that fly around at night where he lives . So that was easy . I wore my leggings and my Posted by I 've only had one cup of coffee and just made my second . I shut off the alarm clock at 7 am and turned over and slept some more until I woke up on my own . I had some very interesting dreams during that time . Actually , it was a long story and it seemed to take forever . I must analyze it over the course of the day , because there were a lot of interesting details in it . I have decided that I 'm not depressed , but that I do have therapy fatigue and that this spills over into my regular life and makes me want to huddle in a cocoon and take a " vacation " and let the world get on without me participating for a while . I sleep a lot during the day due to my medicines ( the anti psychotic that I take 3 times a day ) and I find this very pleasant , as I 'm also sleeping well during the night now . It 's like I 'm taking a huge time out in the form of sleep and what better way to get rest ? I 'm like Sleeping Beauty in my castle and my whole world has come to a stop . Even Jesker spends all his time next to me sleeping . It 's very nice . So , that 's just really all I 've got to tell you right now , because I feel a huge sleep coming on and I 'm going to lie down on the sofa with my book . Have a great day . Ciao . . . After I wrote my post this morning I slept . I then woke up for some lunch and some computer time and then I slept some more , so I pretty much slept all day . Jesker has only seen the back of the patio to do his many piddles , I have not walked him once . Chances are , that in a little while I 'll go back to sleep again . It 's the best thing I can think of right now . It 's like pulling a blanket over my head and excluding the whole world from my vision . I feel the need to do that right now . Therefor my reluctance to go outside and walk Jesker . I 'm in a hibernating mood . On top of that , it has just started to rain , increasing my resolve to huddle up inside . I want to be an animal in his cave in his winter sleep in the middle of summer . I have not combed my hair nor applied make up . I 've just washed my face and brushed my teeth , that 's it . I did a very lousy job brushing my teeth . I don 't want to be kissed today . I know this kind of mood . I 've had it before and I 'm trying to find safety inside the apartment and in sleep . It means I feel very vulnerable and unable to face the most simple things . I could screw up my courage and do them , but I don 't want to . I want to be here safely inside my cocoon and pull my metaphoric blanket closer around myself . I may never come out again and starve to death for not going to the store . I will make one resolution . I will walk Jesker when I 'm done writing this , because the poor dog should not be the victim of my mood . One walk a day I should be able to handle . I 'll have to ask the Exfactor to do the shopping for me later this week if this mood continues . I don 't see me doing anything significant now . It 's like I 've given up the battle and buried the hatchet , but I don 't know if I 'm a prisoner of war or a survivor . Right , I 'll go walk the dog and then go lie down on the sofa again . Have a good evening . Ciao . . . I 'm sitting here with my third cup of coffee . I had the first one to wake up properly with and to pet Jesker with , who could not get enough of that and kept nudging his nose against my hand every time I stopped . I had to switch hands every once in a while due to petting fatigue . I had my second cup of coffee while I checked my emails and read some blogs . Didn 't you know there are always blogs to read ? At any time , somewhere , someone in the world is posting their blog . That doesn 't seem like a very good sentence , but I don 't know what 's wrong with it . That 's why I need the third cup of coffee and my medicines , of course . I must not forget them . I have to be able to think straight . Before you know it , I 'll be tripping out and not making sense at all any more . I hope I 'm not the only one who has moments of complete dementia when I think my brain has entered a new dimension , where everything is slightly askew and no thought is in its proper place . You know those times , when you think you make complete sense for the moment , only to find out later that you 've been blathering like a drunk or someone on drugs . Well , ha ha , I am on drugs , aren 't I ? I 'm supposed to be at creative therapy now , but for some reason , I could not get out of my pajamas and dressed . The whole thing seemed like too much work to me . I was completely unexcited about going . Now , I realize that when you have a real job , you can 't do that , but I figured I could get away with it this time . It 's a little bit of moral disobedience on my part and I 'm not even going to lie about the reason why I didn 't show up when asked about it this week . Sometimes I just don 't want to do what I 'm supposed to do and as I said one time before , I think I 'm getting therapy fatigue . The thrill about going has worn off and now it is just another thing I have to do . I don 't see it as useful anymore , even if it is still . I just don 't see it . Well , I 'm so flabbergasted by that implication that I don 't know what to write anymore and I 've been sitting here for 30 minutes wasting my timePosted by How do you get through a very sunny Sunday , when you ought to maybe have swept the floors and folded the laundry and taken a brush to the furniture to remove the dog hair ? Well , if you 're like me , and you haven 't slept all night , it may happen that in the course of the morning you find yourself laying very innocently on the sofa , where you will fall sound asleep for a few hours . In fact , you will wake up just in time to take your mid afternoon medicines and walk your trusty dog . Having achieved this deed , you will be so proud of yourself , that you will very innocently lay down on the sofa again , this time with a very cozy and loving cat , and start watching the Tour de France , forgetting that the monotonousness of the ride will slowly put you to sleep again , until you wake up a few hours later , when the cyclists haven 't even entered Paris yet , but you certainly do feel good . Then you take a brush and hastily sweep the worst of the dog hair off your favorite chair to make it look like you did something , and quickly gather some dog hair off the floor too . That 's how you spend a very sunny Sunday and I didn 't hear one church bell ring , that 's how sound asleep I 've been . I mustn 't make a habit out of this staying awake all night . I 'll try to stay awake this evening and save up my sleep for bedtime . It 's hard when your medicines make you sleepy , though , and it is so tempting to go and lie down , but I must use some self discipline and overcome the desire to sleep when it isn 't time . Jesker is being a finicky eater . In the morning he won 't eat what 's in his bowl , so I put it in the refrigerator . Then when he lets me know he is hungry later in the day , he reluctantly eats two thirds of it and I have to put the rest of it away again . Then he may or may not eat that . He used to eat twice as much , so I don 't know what 's going on with him . Maybe he 's on a diet . I tried some different food yesterday , but that was not a success either . I think I am going to get him containers with smaller portions and see if he likes that better . He cPosted by I bought a bottle of cleaning vinegar and used the whole thing to clean the Senseo machine and I now have the best and strongest , creamiest , most foamy coffee in town and I can 't wait to get the next cup , that 's how good it is . Boy , did that make a difference ! Remind me to do this again on time , because it sure makes for a better cup of coffee . I didn 't know what I 'd been missing , little by little getting a worse cup of coffee all the time . I must do this once a month , or else . . . 't Was a quiet day , well , except for the music that came out of the very good speakers of my computer . I had it tuned to a Deezer radio station and turned up loud enough so that talking on the phone was a little bit difficult . The bass boomed heavily and I had to turn it down both times my sisters called . The radio station is great , except that they don 't announce the artist or the name of the song , so I am in the dark as to what I 'm listening to , which is a shame . Oh , never mind what I just wrote there . I just quite accidentally figured out a way to tell what I 'm listening to . It did that by trying to listen to an album they were advertising Mmm . . . strange ! Sometimes I don 't know why things work the way they do . There 's some deep lying logic beneath it all . So anyway , I went to the store and my new bike bags can hold as many , if not more groceries than the old bike bags . I can stow away quite a few things in there , which is good , because it means less heavy stuff in the bag I carry on my handlebars . I even managed to get two boxes of that good cat food , since the cats are eating it like there 's no tomorrow . I have to restrict their intake , because money still doesn 't grow on trees . I bought Brie and Camembert , because they had the cheap kind of the latter also , so Jesker and I have been in heaven . Jesker very daintily eats his piece , like a connoisseur or a food critic for the Times . I think eating cheese could be a great hobby of his , except that he seems to be just a tat lactose intolerant . Nothing serious , just a little windy , etPosted by It feels good to finally sit down here and to know that I really don 't have to do another thing until tomorrow morning . All I have to do is write this post and watch the news and drink my decaf and smoke my cigarettes . For some strange reason , though , the Senseo machine isn 't turning out good cups of coffee and I wonder if I have to kick it or give it a good cleaning with vinegar . It 's giving me very watery cups of coffee that don 't taste very good at all . As a matter of fact , this morning my first cup refused to wake me up . I guess I 'll put vinegar on the shopping list for tomorrow . It seems like I had a long day , but it was actually over in no time at all . For a change the alarm clock woke me up and I considered shutting it off and turning over and going to sleep some more , but then decided that I shouldn 't miss creative therapy , although I had no idea what I was going to do there . So I very sleepily got up and made that lousy cup of coffee and drank it in spite of it being so bad , but made up for it by smoking three cigarettes and then I got up to see what was in my closet that I absolutely had to wear today , I picked two safe things to wear , both weather wise and fashion wise and ended up looking very demure and matronly . Well , maybe it was not quite that bad . . . Just as I was getting ready to walk Jesker , a thunderstorm hit and it started to pour , which gave me an opportunity to make a better cup of coffee and feed the cats , those poor animals that are always hungry . We had to wait for about half an hour for it to stop raining and then I took my chance and we went out for a quick walk around the block . After that it was time for me to leave and just when I got to the clinic and locked my bike , it started to rain again , so I hurried inside and just got some big splatters on my head . Timing is everything in this life . It poured like crazy once I was safely inside . The weather gods are kind to me , but then who are they unfriendly to ? Some poor bloke must have been out there getting wet . More than one of them , most lPosted by It ; s another early in the morning moment . I 'm having my coffee and my cigarettes and am enjoying the piece and quiet all around me . I slept a lot yesterday and fell asleep on the sofa in the evening and spent the night there , totally oblivious of everything . I know I was watching Midsomer Murders , but that is my last memory of what was on TV . After I wrote my last post yesterday , I didn 't feel all that great . Actually , I was a bit distraught and a feeling of desperation was settling over me . This , of course , had to do with my sense of failure which I felt , although I know in my heart that it was completely unnecessary . Nevertheless , for that moment I felt it and wanted to punish myself for it . Luckily , I was able to reach my own therapist and , at the moment of greatest need , I was able to talk to her about everything . This was very helpful , as she knows me very well and has been able to keep track of my moods these last few months and has seen how they have fluctuated . She probably knows them better than I do . It was good to talk to her about my fears and insecurities and my worries about feeling so easily overwrought all the time . There 's nobody better to talk to than the person who knows the story of your life . After having increased my antipsychotic medication last week , we had just decreased it again on Monday , because I seemed to be doing fine . So , the first thing we did was increase it again and I must say that this had an immediate effect and that it calmed me right down and that I quickly came to my senses again . Such is the working of that medication and I 'm grateful for it . Secondly , she talked me out of my feelings of shame , which I also came to see as unnecessary and not worthy of the cause ( I think that 's what I mean to say ) . She dates my tendency to become easily overwrought to an incident that happened a few months ago and that makes sense to me and I have to trust her on this , because she has a good point of view on this and can judge it better than I can . As I said , the rest of the day was spent in peacPosted by When I announced in this blog this morning , that I was going to live my life as a healthy person from now on , who was going to carry her dysfunctions in a little bag as baggage with her , while she climbed on her healthy horse and went through life as a regular ordinary person , I hope you didn 't take me too seriously , because going public with that statement had some nasty repercussions for me . Shortly after I had publicly declared myself that way , a great feeling of unease settled over me and I got chest pains and stress and I was just very short of starting to hyperventilate . Very soon I felt panicked and depressed and I knew I needed help . I wrote an email to my therapist , but I knew she wouldn 't read it until after 9 am when she started her shift . Very bad feelings took a hold of me and it was a repeat o f what I had felt last week , so I knew I had to save myself and acknowledge my feelings . I got on my bike early and rode it to the clinic where my therapies are and hoped that one of the therapists there would be there early so I could talk to one of them . Luckily , the replacement ergo therapist was there and she was immediately available to talk to me and we went and sat in a little office and I could tell her what my problem was . I told her that I had publicly declared that from now on I would act as a healthy person and merely carry my dysfunctions with me as baggage in a little bag , but that I felt very vulnerable and naked and without protection and that I had no idea who this healthy Irene was and how she was going to function in this world . The therapist saw what the problem was immediately and saw that I was trying to make a giant leap from one situation into another without taking the little baby steps in between that are so crucial . I was suddenly trying to be healthy without any dysfunctions , where before I had been a dysfunctional person very often . It is impossible to suddenly become one thing after you 've been the other for such a long time . You have to take the necessary in between steps to get there Posted by Up bright and early , as I have been for these past few days , It seems to agree with me , as I get some work done behind the computer and I get to drink my coffee and savor it and smoke my cigarettes and savor them also . In a while , I will have my tall glass of fruit juice when I take my medicines and really and truly wake up . Right now I 'm sitting in the twilight zone of the darkness before dawn by the light of my desk lamp and it is very cozy . Jesker and Toby are asleep on the blanket in a pact of brotherly love . They 're both black and white and match up well . Toby and Gandhi have had their breakfast and Jesker has had his Bonzo bone , so everyone is temporarily satisfied . I put the emphasis on temporarily , because nobody permanently is . There will have to be a next round of food coming up soon . I saw my therapist ( SPN ) yesterday and we had a good talk . I told her that I had made a pact with a fellow blogger that from now on I would consider myself a healthy person just like anybody else and conduct myself accordingly , even though I had some trepidations about it , but she thought it was an excellent idea and imagined me climbing on a healthy horse with my disorders as a little bit of baggage hanging off my saddle and she said that everyone has baggage , and that it is a good idea to think of myself as a regular , ordinary person just like anybody else and to not act out of my " diseased " parts anymore . It 's much better to act out of the healthy parts and deal with the aspects of the disorders as they pop up . It 's nice to be understood so quickly and to get someone 's blessings so completely . I think she had been trying to make this clear to me before , but I hadn 't heard her , or had not been listening properly . Had not been receptive to the message , which is what happens when you 're not ready and haven 't reached that stage of perception yet . So anyway , that is where its stands . I am to be a regular , healthy person from now on and behave that way too and call on the healthy parts of me to see me through a problem . Those arePosted by I started of this day remarkably early , I think I was up a little bit after 4 am . That is , of course , because I slept most of the afternoon and evening on the sofa , and by the time early morning came along , I was all done sleeping . I didn 't mind one bit , because I was wide awake and so were the cats and they were ready to eat , so I fed them first and they acted like hey never had any food before . I had a hard time emptying the pouches into their dishes , because their heads got in the way , making everything rather messy . At the sound of chomping down cats , Jesker decided to wake up and come and investigate and decided that he needed something to eat also , so he got a Bonzo bone and then had to be let out for a piddle . In the meantime , I had made my mug of coffee and was looking forward to drinking it and having some quiet time reading my emails . Of course , I had to do some extensive petting of the dog first , because he does need all his loving first thing in the morning . That 's how we bond together . We have our rituals every day . I spend a long enough time reading and answering emails and then decided to go and have a good look in my closet and decide which clothes I was going to wear today . I was torn between dressing my age and looking sporty , or dressing younger and looking a little bit spunkier . That meant that I changed clothes an hour after I got initially dressed , because I changed my mind and went for the spunkier look . The one with the mini skirt and the leggings . That 's also the one that allows me to get on and off my bike easier . With plenty of time to spare , I went to creative therapy and entered the smoking den with a cup of coffee . Luckily , there were only two people there , so the air was not too polluted . I was without a lighter again and had brought a box of matches that worked very badly and one in three didn 't light and had to be tossed away . I buy new , expensive lighters that work 2 weeks and then give up the ghost . I 'm losing my faith in the manufacturing process of gadgets . Soon enough it was time toPosted by I 've managed to take two naps today . One after another . The only thing I did in between was check my emails and then I decided that I really wanted to lie down on the sofa some more , next to Jesker , and so I did and promptly fell asleep again , which I think is the best thing to do on a Sunday . Intermittently , I heard all the church bells ring all day long , calling people in for mass . I hope a lot of people showed up , because the bells sounded joyfully and people should really heed them and go light a candle at least . Toby slept on top of me , which was fine until he started to massage me with his paws and his nails extended . It was only a little painful , but hard to ignore and it was not on an especially meaty spot of my body . It was right on the side of my ribs and I tried to prevent him from doing it by moving my arm there , but he just moved his area of operation over a few inches until he was done and laid down like a teapot without a handle . Jesker checked on me every once in a while , I felt his cold nose , and then laid down again and yawned and went back to sleep . We did this for several hours until we were all done sleeping and had to eat something to restore our energy and then go for a walk . The rain has stopped completely and the sun is shining and it feels a little bit like summer , but not completely , because of all the clouds in the sky and the temperature is only up to 20 degrees . I think this is pleasant , but then I 'm odd and don 't like the sun beaming down on me relentlessly . I have started to take my nighttime medicines at 6 pm , which means I get the benefits of it much earlier and I become quite mellow early in the evening . It 's a pleasant feeling and all I have to do before I go to bed is take my sleeping pill . I get so mellow , that I 'm afraid that I 'll forget to take out the trash , so I have to make extra effort to not forget it when I 'm done writing this . I have to go around and find all the debris in the apartment and fill the bag so as to not waste any space in it . I have no idea what 's on TV toniPosted by Just like yesterday , I 'm sitting here very cozily while outside it rains . I consider myself very lucky that I 'm inside where it is 23 degrees and not outside where it is 15 degrees . I don 't know why it 's so warm in here , but it always is , even though I have the top windows open and feel a draft going . Yesterday was a very successful day . I got all the groceries done and the apartment cleaned up , so I had to celebrate that fact by eating a piece of Brie and a glass of vanilla yogurt . Not all at once , of course . The supermarket was all out of the cheap Camembert , so I had to buy the Brie instead and that was a real sacrifice . Jesker likes the Brie as well as he likes the Camembert and always gets the last bite , for which he very patiently waits , the poor dog . Cleaning the apartment was easy , especially when you consider that I had not done anything significant all week . I tried to do chores by threes , but sometimes I cheated and did them by twos or fours , depending on my stamina . I didn 't mop the floors yet and must consider doing that today , even though it is a day of rest . Otherwise I 'll do them tomorrow afternoon . I had to go to the tobacconist and buy two weeks worth of tobacco , because they 're going on vacation and will be closed . It was a painful amount of money to pay all at once , but it doesn 't really matter , because I would have spent it anyway . You just don 't notice it as much when you spend it once a week , it hurts less . A husband and wife own the tobacco shop and even though I can buy tobacco at the supermarket , I like to support the little shops and buy as many things there as I can . I can buy stamps there and trash bags and my bus tickets and newspapers and greeting cards and chocolate bars . Not that I buy the latter , of course . No , I never do . I still haven 't officially lost 9 kilos , I 'm very close , but not quite there . I keep hanging around the same amount of weight and I hadn 't weighed myself in quite a few days . I kept forgetting to get on the bathroom scale . That shows you how important it was for mePosted by I 'm very happily sitting here watching the rain come down in the early morning while the town is still asleep . It 's fine with me , because I think whatever rain falls now , won 't fall in a couple of hours when I need to go to the store . Oh , and you all know what I 'm going to buy there , don 't you ? Right , a nice piece of Camembert for 99 cents . I can 't wait . I mean as long as they 're practically giving it away . . . I think anything under one Euro is affordable , when it gets up to two Euros it 's expensive . That 's how I shop . Having to come totally clean now , when it comes to my feelings , I have to tell you that I 've noticed that I spend an awful lot of time suppressing some feelings and allowing others , or rather , hammering down certain emotions that are not acceptable and artificially pumping up others that are . I 'm just taking the opportunity to do a little bit of self analysis here . So , in a way , I 'm constantly , or so it seems , in the process of accepting or rejecting myself . I , or the judgmental part of me , am constantly looking to see if I have the right feelings and to which mood they belong . I 'm afraid that if I don 't do this , I will be like a very hard bouncy ball and keep ricocheting of all the concrete surfaces I encounter , leaving me turning and spinning and crazy like a loon . So I try very hard to be in one mood only and to reject all the emotions that don 't go with that particular mood . If you have too many emotions , you have to reject many of them , so you 're constantly at work , which is exhausting . Therefor , it is very pleasant when the chemicals in your brain take over and decide that you 're completely depressed or completely hypomanic . You don 't have to make up your mind about anything , you just are and can let yourself float away into that mood as if you have no willpower left of your own . But when you 're in the middle of those moods , in other words , a " regular " person , you have to feel all your feelings and you can 't just categorize them into easily defined moods , no matter how hard you try . The problem is , thPosted by Since this morning I know why I suddenly went into a downward spiral and why I ended up cutting myself . It was because of me buying that new second hand bicycle . When I first saw the bicycle I liked it right away , but I thought it was too expensive , even though it was the cheapest one there , and I left the store pretty much determined not to buy it . When I got home , doubt started to settle in and I thought that maybe I should buy that bike and that if I waited too long with making a decision , it would be gone and I wouldn 't be able to afford any of the other ones . So I called Eduard to ask him for advice and he said he would come the next day and have a look at it for me , but I said no , that if I was going to buy it , I was going to do it immediately . With a great deal of trepidation , I transferred the money into my bank account and convinced myself that it was okay for me to buy that bike for myself . I felt very unsure about it and had to call on every bit of nerve that I had to get on the bus to the station and walk into the store to buy the bike . I didn 't think I deserved anything as nice as that bike . After I rode it home and parked it in the hallway , my nerves were highly strung and I felt very nervous and uneasy about having bought the bike and I could hardly look at it without feeling all sorts of guilt and other bad feelings . I thought , " Now you 've done it , you fool . " It took me the rest of the evening to settle down and the next day I tried to push all the unpleasant feelings associated with the bike away and to only pretend that I was very happy with it . I pushed very hard against those feelings , but they kept nagging at me in the back of my mind subconsciously , making me feel uncomfortable and unsettled and uneasy until I ended up in a downward spiral , but when that happened , I didn 't associate it with having bought the bike , because I had pushed away the unpleasant feelings and didn 't make the connection . My discomfort grew and grew and took on enormous proportions , until I cut myself . That brought me hours Posted by I 'm up early , but I 've done so much sleeping since last night that I think it doesn 't matter if I 'm up already now . I hardly remember what I did last night , except that I think I slept a lot and when I woke up I was ravished and ate a two egg omelet , which surprisingly stayed down . It was all light and fluffy , though , and Jesker sat beside me for naught , because I ate it all by myself . He resigned himself to that , but what else could he do ? Gandhi came and licked the salt from the plate and Jesker watched her with a curious look on his face , because he knew that plate was empty . Speaking of cats , Toby and Gandhi now stand on the kitchen counter together and wait for me to get there and then find all possible ways to show me how much they love me and purr loudly . They make quite a production out of it , but it 's all to get that delicious food in the pouches . Boy , do they love that ! They hardly give me time to put it in their dishes , they are already eating before I 'm done . It pleases me very much to see them eat with such an appetite and I really don 't mind . They also eat their kibbles still , so they are getting enough nutrition , although the more food in pouches they eat , the less kibbles . Those cats have me all figured out . Eduard always says that those animals don 't have anything else to do but observe us all day long and they completely figure us out that way . I think there is a lot of truth in that . Today is creative therapy day and the first thing I 'm going to do is destroy that ugly sculpture I made and not start a new one , because I think that right now I should not be sculpting . I 'm obviously not in a sculpting state of mind and haven 't been for a while . You must have the right feeling in your fingers in order to sculpt well and I don 't have it lately . I also don 't have any place left to put another sculpture . I have four standing in the bedroom on the shelves there and three in the living room . I had started a silly doodle , but I 'm not sure if I 'm going to finish it . I have to look at it today and see what I tPosted by After I finished writing my last post I made the decision to harm myself . It was , what I thought , a very well thought out decision to get rid of the tension and anxiety in my mind , because it is my experience that self harming always does this . The act of self harming creates so much anxiety of its own , that it overrules the other anxiety that you feel and once you 've self harmed , you feel such a release of stress and tension , that you actually feel a lot better . I took care of the wound myself , having much experience in this now , and dressed it and put a bandage around my arm . Of course , it 's like a white flag and everyone will see that I 've done it again and that is not my purpose , that is just a not so pleasant side effect . It 's better in the winter when I can wear long sleeves . After all that , I did feel a lot of relief and for a while I felt better and I stayed up most of the night , being unable to go to sleep , and being unwilling too and I didn 't go to bed until early in the morning where I crashed with my clothes on and I don 't even remember falling asleep . I woke up at 10 : 30 am from the phone ringing . It was my older sister who wondered why I was still in bed , so I told her I wasn 't feeling good and that I did not have a reason why . We talked for a short time and then hung up and I laid on the sofa , petting the dog and trying to come up with a plan . Then my younger sister called me and said that she had heard that I was not feeling well and that she was available for help . I told her that I needed a plan and that I didn 't have one and together we decided that the best person to call would be my psychiatrist , because he knows the most about my medication . And so I did . I left a message with the secretary and he called three minutes later . Unheard off ! I explained the situation to him as well as I could and we brainstormed together about what would be best to do . After going over all the possibilities , we decided to temporarily increase the antipsychotic medication and if I really feel the need , I can take some Posted by Here I am sitting amongst the debris of my life and I can only surmise that I am on a downward slope , because I am not getting my act together and little by little things here are getting out of hand , even though I make token gestures such as organize stacks of dishes and empty ashtrays and get rid of empty juice and milk containers . It makes just a little dent in the real work that needs to be done and that I find impossible to face and that I can 't get started on without having an enormously big cloud of doom and gloom hang over my head that defeats me before I 've even begun . It 's a sorry state of affairs and this afternoon , after I did the groceries and ate lunch , I laid down on the sofa and slept , as it was the best thing I could think of . I 've been trying to get out of the job for several days now and every day I find an excuse why I can 't clean house . Today I 've run out of excuses and must find the real culprit and the real culprit is my enormous lack of enthusiasm in life . Frankly , I don 't give a hell of a lot right now about anything to the point that I want to do something about it , although I am acutely aware of this lack in me and I just wish it were different , but it isn 't , and I can only hope that one of these days soon , I wake up with the right amount of enthusiasm again and straighten this place up as it 's supposed to be . I was afraid of this happening , but I was not expecting it and thought I was going along steadily at a nice pace , but isn 't that always when you stumble and fall and find yourself flat on your face ? Having moods is a terrible bothersome thing in that it effects your functioning so much and you want to plan your life , but almost feel that you can 't , because of the unexpectedness of your disposition . I completely feel like not leaving my apartment now , although I know I will , because I have obligations . I only want to perform kind deeds for myself and do nothing that will upset me further and avoid anything unpleasant . Going to the store this morning I didn 't experience as something unpPosted by I woke up at 7 am , because the alarm clock insistently beeped in my ear and it was hard to ignore it , though I tried it for a while . Half asleep I walked into the kitchen and with great fanfare I produced a double mug of strong Senseo , which I drank while petting Jesker and smoking a cigarette . I peeked at the world through my half open eyes and my eyelashes sort of got in the way and I just for a minute wanted to pull up my legs on the sofa and get comfortable . Well , you guessed it , I fell asleep , totally oblivious of everything around me and what I was supposed to do and I didn 't wake up until much later when it was too late to go to ergo therapy , or rather , I could have gone , but considered it a waste of time and decided to stay home instead and stay in my pajamas a while longer . I didn 't need to rush around with my head cut of trying to do a half dozen things to get ready to leave as quickly as possible , which was a relief . Yeah , I 'm always cutting class and I wonder if I 'm getting therapy fatigue and if it 's getting to be time for me to stop and do something else , but what that else is supposed to look like , I don 't know yet . Anyway , this means that today I will get some work done around here and I will do some grocery shopping . I 've been eating eggs and I want to buy a dozen of them , because I can eat two at the time and they fill me well and make for a nice meal . I also have to buy yogurt and another piece of that Brie that was so good and cheap . I 've got my chores waiting for me , boy , do I ever . I don 't know why I 'm so reluctant to do them . It 's just a question of getting in the starting blocks and getting them over and done with and feeling good about them afterwards . I always boycott myself by making it look more complicated than it really is . I make mountains out of molehills . It 's in the nature of the beast . When I sit here tonight , writing a post , I must be able to say that I got a certain amount of work done , that I promise . I did end up washing my hair last night before I went to bed . I dried my hair witPosted by I had planned to wash my hair and give it great care with wax and hairspray and fix it up just right , so that I would look smashing again , but I did none of that and wasted my time instead piddling around doing nothing important , which seems to be the story of my life , but yet somehow I manage to get through it and get the most important things done and keep it all running in a fashion , I just don 't have very smashing hair right now . It 's not really necessary for me to have smashing hair , I mean halfway decent hair will do too . After all , I 'm not trying to lure some unsuspecting man into my female web of intrigue and sex appeal , so who cares what my hair looks like , as long as it is not dirty and terribly disarrayed . It 's actually curling now , which it has a tendency to do after I 've put wax and hairspray in it and is very funny , because after I wash it , it is completely straight . I have the straightest hair on the block . Not so after I apply wax and hairspray , I get a natural curl and suddenly it looks as though I have a big head of hair instead of wispy straight hair . But never mind , if I get up on time in the morning , I may have time to wash it then and give it the twenty minutes that it takes to fix it properly and get it dry enough without a hair dryer , which I also really need to buy one of these days . These last couple of days I just haven 't got my act together . Whenever I walk out of the kitchen with my mug of coffee , I slosh coffee over the side and onto the floor . When I make cigarettes , I spill tobacco onto the clean linoleum . When I eat a piece of bread with jam , a glob of jam falls onto the area rug . I have a half dozen little mishaps like that all day long . Anything that can be spilled , will be spilled . Paper towels are very handy right now . Luckily , I don 't spill much on my clothes , but several items have had to go in the wash . I live in the Republic of Absentmindedness . Alongside the Country of Forgetfulness . I 'm not quite living in the Great States of Dementia , it 's too early for that . Sometimes I thiPosted by Jesker is so busy sleeping that he is forgetting that it 's past his time to go for a walk and I 'm not going to remind him , but just let him soundly sleep on his blanket and wait to see what will happen when he wakes up all confused as to what time of the day it is . He ate his dinner with great appetite a while ago , after barking at me for thinking I had forgotten about it , but he was just a little bit ahead of me , because I didn 't get home until 3 pm this afternoon and immediately had to entertain the neighbor lady who was waiting for her taxi . This was after I maneuvered my bike safely into the hallway without bumping into Jesker who was happy to see me and wanted to show me how much immediately . Luckily , Gandhi was not at the front door , because she would have escaped into the stairwell and I would have had to go up after her or wait for her to come back down again . Sometimes that works and I leave the front door ajar and she walks back in on her own . I don 't know where she was this afternoon , but she 's sound asleep on the sofa now . I 've found out , that despite all my good intentions , I do not clean house when I get home after 3 pm in the afternoon . I 'm happy to be home and walk Jesker and have a mug of coffee or a glass of juice , but the thought of getting the dusting rag out and the vacuum cleaner is more than I can handle . I just don 't want to do any chores , while you would think that creative therapy would not be that emotionally draining , but for some reason it is and when I get home , I feel tired and not willing to do any work . When I got to creative therapy , I got my painting out that I had started on a few weeks ago and went and got a plate of acrylic colors , bu then I sat there and felt a huge panic coming up and it was as if I wanted to run out of the room as quickly as I could , which did not go unnoticed by the therapist , who then removed the painting and the paint and gave me coloring markers and mandalas and had me color those instead for the rest of the morning . This was good , because it was simple andPosted by |
What is happening , of course , is that I am rapid cycling in about one week intervals with some daily ups and downs as well . I should have recognized these cycles for what they were much sooner , instead of floundering around like a drowning person , but as I said before , sometimes I am slow on the uptake and don 't see the obvious when it is staring me right in the face . And all that sleeping I did for a couple of days was my system telling me we were in for another change in the cycle . It 's all so clear by now , that I should know this by heart , but I fumble the ball every time and drag everybody in my drama with me as if none of us know that I do this repeatedly . Apparently , I don 't do it often enough for it to be a clear and concise set of behavior , so I want to make it very clear right now , so none of us forget it . Rapid cycling is a repeated change of mood over a specific period of time that can be as short as a day or a week or a month . A change of mood would be going from a very upbeat and positive mood to a very downbeat and depressed mood for no really obvious reason , although it can be triggered by a minuscule little incident , and then having this cycle repeated several times over , or endlessly over and over again . So , anyway , that is what 's been happening with me and it got triggered about a month and a half ago by an incident involving my first ex husband , which I won 't go into here , but which caused me to have many flashbacks to my first marriage and my life in the States and the memories weren 't pleasant . My SPN says that I haven 't been the same since then and I can believe it , because even writing about it this way is very disagreeable to me . So let 's forget all that and get on to other things . I went to my appointment with the head therapist yesterday afternoon , only to get there and find out that she was sick , so no appointment . She won 't be back until Monday at the earliest and I may be able to talk to her then . It was all a bit frustrating and I don 't know what to do now . I feel I need this break , yPosted by In order to wake up well , and get the day started properly , I always feel that I have to write a post , even if I have nothing to report but my most mundane thoughts . I think , well that will do , at least it will organize my thoughts and get my mind set in the right order and I will have reached out and made a tiny effort at contact , but the latter is not necessarily the most important thing , because judging by the reactions , not that many people read these early morning missives . That 's okay , this occupies my mind and keeps me busy while I drink my coffee and smoke my cigarettes and try to ignore the dog who just ate his bowl of food . I woke up early this morning and thought terrible things about myself . I thought , this is awful , you 're not allowed to do this , it is unacceptable , where in the world is this coming from ? It was like somebody had dumped a whole bunch of garbage over me and I was struggling to get free of it . Luckily , I was able to go back to sleep and when I woke up the second time , all that garbage was gone and I could think good thoughts about myself again . I had counted on that happening , but imagine if I had gotten up the first time with those feelings and had started the day that way . It would have been a very painful business and I would be sitting here with quite a different attitude . Waking up that way , covered in garbage , hasn 't happened to me in a long time , but it used to be the story of my life . I always used to wake up with a certain amount of self loathing , sometimes pure self hatred , yet I never let anyone know that I felt this way . I covered it up and did not let on how bad it was . Due to my childhood , I 'm a master at covering up my feelings and very often am not in touch with them myself . I can be in total denial about a state of mind that I am in . That 's because I did it for such a long time , it became my second nature . I totally don 't have a grip on my current mood and have no idea what to think of it . Am I depressed or just tired ? I act like a depressed person , does that make me dePosted by Well , ' Ive been sitting here darn near all day , vowing that I wouldn 't , vowing that I would get some work done , but I haven 't . I have just been wasting my time , the thing that I 'm so good at lately and the thing that keeps me from doing the stuff a proper housewife ought to do , like vacuuming and sweeping the kitchen floor and washing the dishes . Time honored chores that grace the women that do them with a certain status , which I now don 't have , because what am I , but a lazy bum , a good for nothing wastrel ? I could be sitting here from the early morning when I get up with the chickens until I go to bed at night after the whole town has watched the late news . Thank goodness there are a few things I need to do that I can 't ignore , such as feed the animals and walk the dog and even feed myself , although I do tend to forget that and don 't notice that my stomach is very empty and growling and then I only give it some fruit juice , because of my last bad experience with an omelet and with the raisin bread . I am all out of Brie or Camembert , or I would eat some of that , which reminds me that I have to go to the store tomorrow and that in turn reminds me that I have to check my bank account . You never know who automatically has been withdrawing money from it and I don 't want to be surprised . It 's a grab all you can party every month and I have to make sure there 's enough left over for me . The kind people at the bank don 't guard it carefully . I look at the dust and dirt around me and I can 't believe I just live with it . There is dog hair all over the place and a cat just barfed on the area rug and I 'll have to clean that up in a while . All the surfaces are covered with dust and ashes from my cigarettes and tobacco crumbs . Look , I 'm painting a dire picture on purpose , so you will know that I 'm aware of my laziness and the state of my apartment . It can actually be put to rights in no time at all , but I don 't feel that I can take the time to do it . Unless a minor miracle happens . This is the second day that I have not gone doIrene By getting up a little early this morning ( not intentionally ) and by being stubborn in my pursuit to solve a problem , I have managed to get the email program in Ubuntu to work just now and that is a great relief to me , because I was faced with a long wait , I am sure , at the help desk of my internet company 's technical service . I so prefer to fix these problems on my own and I never feel better than when I do . I have two email addresses and I couldn 't believe it when the program worked and started picking up an email for me . It is the first one , I know , bit hopefully others will follow . Now I can drink my third cup of coffee in all peacefulness and that problem won 't be bugging me anymore . Sometimes things do work out the way you want them to , albeit that this is a little problem in the grand scheme of problems . To me it was a very irritating thing and I wanted it solved . Yes , I know , I 'm like a terrier that won 't let go . I 've got a dog here that won 't quit either . He has eaten his whole bowl of food and now wants something from me and keeps looking at me and making pitiful sounds that I try to ignore and when I do , he stops for a while . I think he wants to go out , but I 'm not dressed yet . It may satisfy him if I let him out back . I think he must have been under the weather when he wasn 't eating well , because his appetite has returned and he is eating his normal portions of food again . I didn 't sleep during the day all day yesterday , but that was due to the excitement of installing Ubuntu and getting all the add ons installed and getting things to work . I did reach a point of exhaustion in the evening and made myself go to bed when I could hardly think straight anymore . I do have a tendency to overdo it , but now that I 've got the email program working , I 'm much more at ease . That was my main concern , because I didn 't want to have to flit back and forth between Windows and Ubuntu . Every morning I wake up with a numbed arm and shoulder and pain in my hand . It disappears when I get up , but it 's the same thing every day . Posted by Well , here I am again , somewhat late in the evening , finally getting around to writing a post I have been playing with Ubuntu , which I have installed again on my computer and I 'm trying to get various things to work and that is just the kind of job I needed for today to keep me occupied . Of course , I 'm running into also sorts of frustrations , which I can 't solve right away , so I have to tell myself to be patient and just move back and forth between Windows for my emails and Ubuntu for the rest . I 'm getting quite good at that . I tell the computer to shut off and start up again and I click on the different program . I wrote my SPN an email telling her I was therapy fatigued and that I was holing up in my apartment letting the world go by and hibernating and not participating in life . She wrote me back saying that I should contact the head therapist of the clinic where I have my therapies and tell her about my therapy fatigue , so she and I could make some sort of plan of action about that . So I called her this afternoon and we made an appointment to talk on Thursday afternoon and 2 pm . It may be that I 'll take a break or it may be that I 'll stop the therapies all together , we 'll see . I don 't care very much one way or the other right now . Well , actually , I wouldn 't mind if I were to quit now . I 've had about enough of it and it shows in the work I 've been doing lately . My heart 's not in it anymore . I have to write an email to my SPN telling her about this and explaining to her why I have gone in a hibernating mode , but actually , I 'm quite contend and I don 't care if I stay this way for a while . The hard part is explaining to people why you just don 't care very much at the moment and why you are taking a break from life . The Exfactor came to my rescue and hardly needed any explanation and took Jesker for a walk and then we had coffee and talked about cheerful things , like cats and dogs and animals in the meadows and birds in the sky and bats that fly around at night where he lives . So that was easy . I wore my leggings and my Posted by I 've only had one cup of coffee and just made my second . I shut off the alarm clock at 7 am and turned over and slept some more until I woke up on my own . I had some very interesting dreams during that time . Actually , it was a long story and it seemed to take forever . I must analyze it over the course of the day , because there were a lot of interesting details in it . I have decided that I 'm not depressed , but that I do have therapy fatigue and that this spills over into my regular life and makes me want to huddle in a cocoon and take a " vacation " and let the world get on without me participating for a while . I sleep a lot during the day due to my medicines ( the anti psychotic that I take 3 times a day ) and I find this very pleasant , as I 'm also sleeping well during the night now . It 's like I 'm taking a huge time out in the form of sleep and what better way to get rest ? I 'm like Sleeping Beauty in my castle and my whole world has come to a stop . Even Jesker spends all his time next to me sleeping . It 's very nice . So , that 's just really all I 've got to tell you right now , because I feel a huge sleep coming on and I 'm going to lie down on the sofa with my book . Have a great day . Ciao . . . After I wrote my post this morning I slept . I then woke up for some lunch and some computer time and then I slept some more , so I pretty much slept all day . Jesker has only seen the back of the patio to do his many piddles , I have not walked him once . Chances are , that in a little while I 'll go back to sleep again . It 's the best thing I can think of right now . It 's like pulling a blanket over my head and excluding the whole world from my vision . I feel the need to do that right now . Therefor my reluctance to go outside and walk Jesker . I 'm in a hibernating mood . On top of that , it has just started to rain , increasing my resolve to huddle up inside . I want to be an animal in his cave in his winter sleep in the middle of summer . I have not combed my hair nor applied make up . I 've just washed my face and brushed my teeth , that 's it . I did a very lousy job brushing my teeth . I don 't want to be kissed today . I know this kind of mood . I 've had it before and I 'm trying to find safety inside the apartment and in sleep . It means I feel very vulnerable and unable to face the most simple things . I could screw up my courage and do them , but I don 't want to . I want to be here safely inside my cocoon and pull my metaphoric blanket closer around myself . I may never come out again and starve to death for not going to the store . I will make one resolution . I will walk Jesker when I 'm done writing this , because the poor dog should not be the victim of my mood . One walk a day I should be able to handle . I 'll have to ask the Exfactor to do the shopping for me later this week if this mood continues . I don 't see me doing anything significant now . It 's like I 've given up the battle and buried the hatchet , but I don 't know if I 'm a prisoner of war or a survivor . Right , I 'll go walk the dog and then go lie down on the sofa again . Have a good evening . Ciao . . . I 'm sitting here with my third cup of coffee . I had the first one to wake up properly with and to pet Jesker with , who could not get enough of that and kept nudging his nose against my hand every time I stopped . I had to switch hands every once in a while due to petting fatigue . I had my second cup of coffee while I checked my emails and read some blogs . Didn 't you know there are always blogs to read ? At any time , somewhere , someone in the world is posting their blog . That doesn 't seem like a very good sentence , but I don 't know what 's wrong with it . That 's why I need the third cup of coffee and my medicines , of course . I must not forget them . I have to be able to think straight . Before you know it , I 'll be tripping out and not making sense at all any more . I hope I 'm not the only one who has moments of complete dementia when I think my brain has entered a new dimension , where everything is slightly askew and no thought is in its proper place . You know those times , when you think you make complete sense for the moment , only to find out later that you 've been blathering like a drunk or someone on drugs . Well , ha ha , I am on drugs , aren 't I ? I 'm supposed to be at creative therapy now , but for some reason , I could not get out of my pajamas and dressed . The whole thing seemed like too much work to me . I was completely unexcited about going . Now , I realize that when you have a real job , you can 't do that , but I figured I could get away with it this time . It 's a little bit of moral disobedience on my part and I 'm not even going to lie about the reason why I didn 't show up when asked about it this week . Sometimes I just don 't want to do what I 'm supposed to do and as I said one time before , I think I 'm getting therapy fatigue . The thrill about going has worn off and now it is just another thing I have to do . I don 't see it as useful anymore , even if it is still . I just don 't see it . Well , I 'm so flabbergasted by that implication that I don 't know what to write anymore and I 've been sitting here for 30 minutes wasting my timePosted by How do you get through a very sunny Sunday , when you ought to maybe have swept the floors and folded the laundry and taken a brush to the furniture to remove the dog hair ? Well , if you 're like me , and you haven 't slept all night , it may happen that in the course of the morning you find yourself laying very innocently on the sofa , where you will fall sound asleep for a few hours . In fact , you will wake up just in time to take your mid afternoon medicines and walk your trusty dog . Having achieved this deed , you will be so proud of yourself , that you will very innocently lay down on the sofa again , this time with a very cozy and loving cat , and start watching the Tour de France , forgetting that the monotonousness of the ride will slowly put you to sleep again , until you wake up a few hours later , when the cyclists haven 't even entered Paris yet , but you certainly do feel good . Then you take a brush and hastily sweep the worst of the dog hair off your favorite chair to make it look like you did something , and quickly gather some dog hair off the floor too . That 's how you spend a very sunny Sunday and I didn 't hear one church bell ring , that 's how sound asleep I 've been . I mustn 't make a habit out of this staying awake all night . I 'll try to stay awake this evening and save up my sleep for bedtime . It 's hard when your medicines make you sleepy , though , and it is so tempting to go and lie down , but I must use some self discipline and overcome the desire to sleep when it isn 't time . Jesker is being a finicky eater . In the morning he won 't eat what 's in his bowl , so I put it in the refrigerator . Then when he lets me know he is hungry later in the day , he reluctantly eats two thirds of it and I have to put the rest of it away again . Then he may or may not eat that . He used to eat twice as much , so I don 't know what 's going on with him . Maybe he 's on a diet . I tried some different food yesterday , but that was not a success either . I think I am going to get him containers with smaller portions and see if he likes that better . He cPosted by I bought a bottle of cleaning vinegar and used the whole thing to clean the Senseo machine and I now have the best and strongest , creamiest , most foamy coffee in town and I can 't wait to get the next cup , that 's how good it is . Boy , did that make a difference ! Remind me to do this again on time , because it sure makes for a better cup of coffee . I didn 't know what I 'd been missing , little by little getting a worse cup of coffee all the time . I must do this once a month , or else . . . 't Was a quiet day , well , except for the music that came out of the very good speakers of my computer . I had it tuned to a Deezer radio station and turned up loud enough so that talking on the phone was a little bit difficult . The bass boomed heavily and I had to turn it down both times my sisters called . The radio station is great , except that they don 't announce the artist or the name of the song , so I am in the dark as to what I 'm listening to , which is a shame . Oh , never mind what I just wrote there . I just quite accidentally figured out a way to tell what I 'm listening to . It did that by trying to listen to an album they were advertising Mmm . . . strange ! Sometimes I don 't know why things work the way they do . There 's some deep lying logic beneath it all . So anyway , I went to the store and my new bike bags can hold as many , if not more groceries than the old bike bags . I can stow away quite a few things in there , which is good , because it means less heavy stuff in the bag I carry on my handlebars . I even managed to get two boxes of that good cat food , since the cats are eating it like there 's no tomorrow . I have to restrict their intake , because money still doesn 't grow on trees . I bought Brie and Camembert , because they had the cheap kind of the latter also , so Jesker and I have been in heaven . Jesker very daintily eats his piece , like a connoisseur or a food critic for the Times . I think eating cheese could be a great hobby of his , except that he seems to be just a tat lactose intolerant . Nothing serious , just a little windy , etPosted by It feels good to finally sit down here and to know that I really don 't have to do another thing until tomorrow morning . All I have to do is write this post and watch the news and drink my decaf and smoke my cigarettes . For some strange reason , though , the Senseo machine isn 't turning out good cups of coffee and I wonder if I have to kick it or give it a good cleaning with vinegar . It 's giving me very watery cups of coffee that don 't taste very good at all . As a matter of fact , this morning my first cup refused to wake me up . I guess I 'll put vinegar on the shopping list for tomorrow . It seems like I had a long day , but it was actually over in no time at all . For a change the alarm clock woke me up and I considered shutting it off and turning over and going to sleep some more , but then decided that I shouldn 't miss creative therapy , although I had no idea what I was going to do there . So I very sleepily got up and made that lousy cup of coffee and drank it in spite of it being so bad , but made up for it by smoking three cigarettes and then I got up to see what was in my closet that I absolutely had to wear today , I picked two safe things to wear , both weather wise and fashion wise and ended up looking very demure and matronly . Well , maybe it was not quite that bad . . . Just as I was getting ready to walk Jesker , a thunderstorm hit and it started to pour , which gave me an opportunity to make a better cup of coffee and feed the cats , those poor animals that are always hungry . We had to wait for about half an hour for it to stop raining and then I took my chance and we went out for a quick walk around the block . After that it was time for me to leave and just when I got to the clinic and locked my bike , it started to rain again , so I hurried inside and just got some big splatters on my head . Timing is everything in this life . It poured like crazy once I was safely inside . The weather gods are kind to me , but then who are they unfriendly to ? Some poor bloke must have been out there getting wet . More than one of them , most lPosted by It ; s another early in the morning moment . I 'm having my coffee and my cigarettes and am enjoying the piece and quiet all around me . I slept a lot yesterday and fell asleep on the sofa in the evening and spent the night there , totally oblivious of everything . I know I was watching Midsomer Murders , but that is my last memory of what was on TV . After I wrote my last post yesterday , I didn 't feel all that great . Actually , I was a bit distraught and a feeling of desperation was settling over me . This , of course , had to do with my sense of failure which I felt , although I know in my heart that it was completely unnecessary . Nevertheless , for that moment I felt it and wanted to punish myself for it . Luckily , I was able to reach my own therapist and , at the moment of greatest need , I was able to talk to her about everything . This was very helpful , as she knows me very well and has been able to keep track of my moods these last few months and has seen how they have fluctuated . She probably knows them better than I do . It was good to talk to her about my fears and insecurities and my worries about feeling so easily overwrought all the time . There 's nobody better to talk to than the person who knows the story of your life . After having increased my antipsychotic medication last week , we had just decreased it again on Monday , because I seemed to be doing fine . So , the first thing we did was increase it again and I must say that this had an immediate effect and that it calmed me right down and that I quickly came to my senses again . Such is the working of that medication and I 'm grateful for it . Secondly , she talked me out of my feelings of shame , which I also came to see as unnecessary and not worthy of the cause ( I think that 's what I mean to say ) . She dates my tendency to become easily overwrought to an incident that happened a few months ago and that makes sense to me and I have to trust her on this , because she has a good point of view on this and can judge it better than I can . As I said , the rest of the day was spent in peacPosted by When I announced in this blog this morning , that I was going to live my life as a healthy person from now on , who was going to carry her dysfunctions in a little bag as baggage with her , while she climbed on her healthy horse and went through life as a regular ordinary person , I hope you didn 't take me too seriously , because going public with that statement had some nasty repercussions for me . Shortly after I had publicly declared myself that way , a great feeling of unease settled over me and I got chest pains and stress and I was just very short of starting to hyperventilate . Very soon I felt panicked and depressed and I knew I needed help . I wrote an email to my therapist , but I knew she wouldn 't read it until after 9 am when she started her shift . Very bad feelings took a hold of me and it was a repeat o f what I had felt last week , so I knew I had to save myself and acknowledge my feelings . I got on my bike early and rode it to the clinic where my therapies are and hoped that one of the therapists there would be there early so I could talk to one of them . Luckily , the replacement ergo therapist was there and she was immediately available to talk to me and we went and sat in a little office and I could tell her what my problem was . I told her that I had publicly declared that from now on I would act as a healthy person and merely carry my dysfunctions with me as baggage in a little bag , but that I felt very vulnerable and naked and without protection and that I had no idea who this healthy Irene was and how she was going to function in this world . The therapist saw what the problem was immediately and saw that I was trying to make a giant leap from one situation into another without taking the little baby steps in between that are so crucial . I was suddenly trying to be healthy without any dysfunctions , where before I had been a dysfunctional person very often . It is impossible to suddenly become one thing after you 've been the other for such a long time . You have to take the necessary in between steps to get there Posted by Up bright and early , as I have been for these past few days , It seems to agree with me , as I get some work done behind the computer and I get to drink my coffee and savor it and smoke my cigarettes and savor them also . In a while , I will have my tall glass of fruit juice when I take my medicines and really and truly wake up . Right now I 'm sitting in the twilight zone of the darkness before dawn by the light of my desk lamp and it is very cozy . Jesker and Toby are asleep on the blanket in a pact of brotherly love . They 're both black and white and match up well . Toby and Gandhi have had their breakfast and Jesker has had his Bonzo bone , so everyone is temporarily satisfied . I put the emphasis on temporarily , because nobody permanently is . There will have to be a next round of food coming up soon . I saw my therapist ( SPN ) yesterday and we had a good talk . I told her that I had made a pact with a fellow blogger that from now on I would consider myself a healthy person just like anybody else and conduct myself accordingly , even though I had some trepidations about it , but she thought it was an excellent idea and imagined me climbing on a healthy horse with my disorders as a little bit of baggage hanging off my saddle and she said that everyone has baggage , and that it is a good idea to think of myself as a regular , ordinary person just like anybody else and to not act out of my " diseased " parts anymore . It 's much better to act out of the healthy parts and deal with the aspects of the disorders as they pop up . It 's nice to be understood so quickly and to get someone 's blessings so completely . I think she had been trying to make this clear to me before , but I hadn 't heard her , or had not been listening properly . Had not been receptive to the message , which is what happens when you 're not ready and haven 't reached that stage of perception yet . So anyway , that is where its stands . I am to be a regular , healthy person from now on and behave that way too and call on the healthy parts of me to see me through a problem . Those arePosted by I started of this day remarkably early , I think I was up a little bit after 4 am . That is , of course , because I slept most of the afternoon and evening on the sofa , and by the time early morning came along , I was all done sleeping . I didn 't mind one bit , because I was wide awake and so were the cats and they were ready to eat , so I fed them first and they acted like hey never had any food before . I had a hard time emptying the pouches into their dishes , because their heads got in the way , making everything rather messy . At the sound of chomping down cats , Jesker decided to wake up and come and investigate and decided that he needed something to eat also , so he got a Bonzo bone and then had to be let out for a piddle . In the meantime , I had made my mug of coffee and was looking forward to drinking it and having some quiet time reading my emails . Of course , I had to do some extensive petting of the dog first , because he does need all his loving first thing in the morning . That 's how we bond together . We have our rituals every day . I spend a long enough time reading and answering emails and then decided to go and have a good look in my closet and decide which clothes I was going to wear today . I was torn between dressing my age and looking sporty , or dressing younger and looking a little bit spunkier . That meant that I changed clothes an hour after I got initially dressed , because I changed my mind and went for the spunkier look . The one with the mini skirt and the leggings . That 's also the one that allows me to get on and off my bike easier . With plenty of time to spare , I went to creative therapy and entered the smoking den with a cup of coffee . Luckily , there were only two people there , so the air was not too polluted . I was without a lighter again and had brought a box of matches that worked very badly and one in three didn 't light and had to be tossed away . I buy new , expensive lighters that work 2 weeks and then give up the ghost . I 'm losing my faith in the manufacturing process of gadgets . Soon enough it was time toPosted by I 've managed to take two naps today . One after another . The only thing I did in between was check my emails and then I decided that I really wanted to lie down on the sofa some more , next to Jesker , and so I did and promptly fell asleep again , which I think is the best thing to do on a Sunday . Intermittently , I heard all the church bells ring all day long , calling people in for mass . I hope a lot of people showed up , because the bells sounded joyfully and people should really heed them and go light a candle at least . Toby slept on top of me , which was fine until he started to massage me with his paws and his nails extended . It was only a little painful , but hard to ignore and it was not on an especially meaty spot of my body . It was right on the side of my ribs and I tried to prevent him from doing it by moving my arm there , but he just moved his area of operation over a few inches until he was done and laid down like a teapot without a handle . Jesker checked on me every once in a while , I felt his cold nose , and then laid down again and yawned and went back to sleep . We did this for several hours until we were all done sleeping and had to eat something to restore our energy and then go for a walk . The rain has stopped completely and the sun is shining and it feels a little bit like summer , but not completely , because of all the clouds in the sky and the temperature is only up to 20 degrees . I think this is pleasant , but then I 'm odd and don 't like the sun beaming down on me relentlessly . I have started to take my nighttime medicines at 6 pm , which means I get the benefits of it much earlier and I become quite mellow early in the evening . It 's a pleasant feeling and all I have to do before I go to bed is take my sleeping pill . I get so mellow , that I 'm afraid that I 'll forget to take out the trash , so I have to make extra effort to not forget it when I 'm done writing this . I have to go around and find all the debris in the apartment and fill the bag so as to not waste any space in it . I have no idea what 's on TV toniPosted by Just like yesterday , I 'm sitting here very cozily while outside it rains . I consider myself very lucky that I 'm inside where it is 23 degrees and not outside where it is 15 degrees . I don 't know why it 's so warm in here , but it always is , even though I have the top windows open and feel a draft going . Yesterday was a very successful day . I got all the groceries done and the apartment cleaned up , so I had to celebrate that fact by eating a piece of Brie and a glass of vanilla yogurt . Not all at once , of course . The supermarket was all out of the cheap Camembert , so I had to buy the Brie instead and that was a real sacrifice . Jesker likes the Brie as well as he likes the Camembert and always gets the last bite , for which he very patiently waits , the poor dog . Cleaning the apartment was easy , especially when you consider that I had not done anything significant all week . I tried to do chores by threes , but sometimes I cheated and did them by twos or fours , depending on my stamina . I didn 't mop the floors yet and must consider doing that today , even though it is a day of rest . Otherwise I 'll do them tomorrow afternoon . I had to go to the tobacconist and buy two weeks worth of tobacco , because they 're going on vacation and will be closed . It was a painful amount of money to pay all at once , but it doesn 't really matter , because I would have spent it anyway . You just don 't notice it as much when you spend it once a week , it hurts less . A husband and wife own the tobacco shop and even though I can buy tobacco at the supermarket , I like to support the little shops and buy as many things there as I can . I can buy stamps there and trash bags and my bus tickets and newspapers and greeting cards and chocolate bars . Not that I buy the latter , of course . No , I never do . I still haven 't officially lost 9 kilos , I 'm very close , but not quite there . I keep hanging around the same amount of weight and I hadn 't weighed myself in quite a few days . I kept forgetting to get on the bathroom scale . That shows you how important it was for mePosted by I 'm very happily sitting here watching the rain come down in the early morning while the town is still asleep . It 's fine with me , because I think whatever rain falls now , won 't fall in a couple of hours when I need to go to the store . Oh , and you all know what I 'm going to buy there , don 't you ? Right , a nice piece of Camembert for 99 cents . I can 't wait . I mean as long as they 're practically giving it away . . . I think anything under one Euro is affordable , when it gets up to two Euros it 's expensive . That 's how I shop . Having to come totally clean now , when it comes to my feelings , I have to tell you that I 've noticed that I spend an awful lot of time suppressing some feelings and allowing others , or rather , hammering down certain emotions that are not acceptable and artificially pumping up others that are . I 'm just taking the opportunity to do a little bit of self analysis here . So , in a way , I 'm constantly , or so it seems , in the process of accepting or rejecting myself . I , or the judgmental part of me , am constantly looking to see if I have the right feelings and to which mood they belong . I 'm afraid that if I don 't do this , I will be like a very hard bouncy ball and keep ricocheting of all the concrete surfaces I encounter , leaving me turning and spinning and crazy like a loon . So I try very hard to be in one mood only and to reject all the emotions that don 't go with that particular mood . If you have too many emotions , you have to reject many of them , so you 're constantly at work , which is exhausting . Therefor , it is very pleasant when the chemicals in your brain take over and decide that you 're completely depressed or completely hypomanic . You don 't have to make up your mind about anything , you just are and can let yourself float away into that mood as if you have no willpower left of your own . But when you 're in the middle of those moods , in other words , a " regular " person , you have to feel all your feelings and you can 't just categorize them into easily defined moods , no matter how hard you try . The problem is , thPosted by Since this morning I know why I suddenly went into a downward spiral and why I ended up cutting myself . It was because of me buying that new second hand bicycle . When I first saw the bicycle I liked it right away , but I thought it was too expensive , even though it was the cheapest one there , and I left the store pretty much determined not to buy it . When I got home , doubt started to settle in and I thought that maybe I should buy that bike and that if I waited too long with making a decision , it would be gone and I wouldn 't be able to afford any of the other ones . So I called Eduard to ask him for advice and he said he would come the next day and have a look at it for me , but I said no , that if I was going to buy it , I was going to do it immediately . With a great deal of trepidation , I transferred the money into my bank account and convinced myself that it was okay for me to buy that bike for myself . I felt very unsure about it and had to call on every bit of nerve that I had to get on the bus to the station and walk into the store to buy the bike . I didn 't think I deserved anything as nice as that bike . After I rode it home and parked it in the hallway , my nerves were highly strung and I felt very nervous and uneasy about having bought the bike and I could hardly look at it without feeling all sorts of guilt and other bad feelings . I thought , " Now you 've done it , you fool . " It took me the rest of the evening to settle down and the next day I tried to push all the unpleasant feelings associated with the bike away and to only pretend that I was very happy with it . I pushed very hard against those feelings , but they kept nagging at me in the back of my mind subconsciously , making me feel uncomfortable and unsettled and uneasy until I ended up in a downward spiral , but when that happened , I didn 't associate it with having bought the bike , because I had pushed away the unpleasant feelings and didn 't make the connection . My discomfort grew and grew and took on enormous proportions , until I cut myself . That brought me hours Posted by I 'm up early , but I 've done so much sleeping since last night that I think it doesn 't matter if I 'm up already now . I hardly remember what I did last night , except that I think I slept a lot and when I woke up I was ravished and ate a two egg omelet , which surprisingly stayed down . It was all light and fluffy , though , and Jesker sat beside me for naught , because I ate it all by myself . He resigned himself to that , but what else could he do ? Gandhi came and licked the salt from the plate and Jesker watched her with a curious look on his face , because he knew that plate was empty . Speaking of cats , Toby and Gandhi now stand on the kitchen counter together and wait for me to get there and then find all possible ways to show me how much they love me and purr loudly . They make quite a production out of it , but it 's all to get that delicious food in the pouches . Boy , do they love that ! They hardly give me time to put it in their dishes , they are already eating before I 'm done . It pleases me very much to see them eat with such an appetite and I really don 't mind . They also eat their kibbles still , so they are getting enough nutrition , although the more food in pouches they eat , the less kibbles . Those cats have me all figured out . Eduard always says that those animals don 't have anything else to do but observe us all day long and they completely figure us out that way . I think there is a lot of truth in that . Today is creative therapy day and the first thing I 'm going to do is destroy that ugly sculpture I made and not start a new one , because I think that right now I should not be sculpting . I 'm obviously not in a sculpting state of mind and haven 't been for a while . You must have the right feeling in your fingers in order to sculpt well and I don 't have it lately . I also don 't have any place left to put another sculpture . I have four standing in the bedroom on the shelves there and three in the living room . I had started a silly doodle , but I 'm not sure if I 'm going to finish it . I have to look at it today and see what I tPosted by After I finished writing my last post I made the decision to harm myself . It was , what I thought , a very well thought out decision to get rid of the tension and anxiety in my mind , because it is my experience that self harming always does this . The act of self harming creates so much anxiety of its own , that it overrules the other anxiety that you feel and once you 've self harmed , you feel such a release of stress and tension , that you actually feel a lot better . I took care of the wound myself , having much experience in this now , and dressed it and put a bandage around my arm . Of course , it 's like a white flag and everyone will see that I 've done it again and that is not my purpose , that is just a not so pleasant side effect . It 's better in the winter when I can wear long sleeves . After all that , I did feel a lot of relief and for a while I felt better and I stayed up most of the night , being unable to go to sleep , and being unwilling too and I didn 't go to bed until early in the morning where I crashed with my clothes on and I don 't even remember falling asleep . I woke up at 10 : 30 am from the phone ringing . It was my older sister who wondered why I was still in bed , so I told her I wasn 't feeling good and that I did not have a reason why . We talked for a short time and then hung up and I laid on the sofa , petting the dog and trying to come up with a plan . Then my younger sister called me and said that she had heard that I was not feeling well and that she was available for help . I told her that I needed a plan and that I didn 't have one and together we decided that the best person to call would be my psychiatrist , because he knows the most about my medication . And so I did . I left a message with the secretary and he called three minutes later . Unheard off ! I explained the situation to him as well as I could and we brainstormed together about what would be best to do . After going over all the possibilities , we decided to temporarily increase the antipsychotic medication and if I really feel the need , I can take some Posted by Here I am sitting amongst the debris of my life and I can only surmise that I am on a downward slope , because I am not getting my act together and little by little things here are getting out of hand , even though I make token gestures such as organize stacks of dishes and empty ashtrays and get rid of empty juice and milk containers . It makes just a little dent in the real work that needs to be done and that I find impossible to face and that I can 't get started on without having an enormously big cloud of doom and gloom hang over my head that defeats me before I 've even begun . It 's a sorry state of affairs and this afternoon , after I did the groceries and ate lunch , I laid down on the sofa and slept , as it was the best thing I could think of . I 've been trying to get out of the job for several days now and every day I find an excuse why I can 't clean house . Today I 've run out of excuses and must find the real culprit and the real culprit is my enormous lack of enthusiasm in life . Frankly , I don 't give a hell of a lot right now about anything to the point that I want to do something about it , although I am acutely aware of this lack in me and I just wish it were different , but it isn 't , and I can only hope that one of these days soon , I wake up with the right amount of enthusiasm again and straighten this place up as it 's supposed to be . I was afraid of this happening , but I was not expecting it and thought I was going along steadily at a nice pace , but isn 't that always when you stumble and fall and find yourself flat on your face ? Having moods is a terrible bothersome thing in that it effects your functioning so much and you want to plan your life , but almost feel that you can 't , because of the unexpectedness of your disposition . I completely feel like not leaving my apartment now , although I know I will , because I have obligations . I only want to perform kind deeds for myself and do nothing that will upset me further and avoid anything unpleasant . Going to the store this morning I didn 't experience as something unpPosted by I woke up at 7 am , because the alarm clock insistently beeped in my ear and it was hard to ignore it , though I tried it for a while . Half asleep I walked into the kitchen and with great fanfare I produced a double mug of strong Senseo , which I drank while petting Jesker and smoking a cigarette . I peeked at the world through my half open eyes and my eyelashes sort of got in the way and I just for a minute wanted to pull up my legs on the sofa and get comfortable . Well , you guessed it , I fell asleep , totally oblivious of everything around me and what I was supposed to do and I didn 't wake up until much later when it was too late to go to ergo therapy , or rather , I could have gone , but considered it a waste of time and decided to stay home instead and stay in my pajamas a while longer . I didn 't need to rush around with my head cut of trying to do a half dozen things to get ready to leave as quickly as possible , which was a relief . Yeah , I 'm always cutting class and I wonder if I 'm getting therapy fatigue and if it 's getting to be time for me to stop and do something else , but what that else is supposed to look like , I don 't know yet . Anyway , this means that today I will get some work done around here and I will do some grocery shopping . I 've been eating eggs and I want to buy a dozen of them , because I can eat two at the time and they fill me well and make for a nice meal . I also have to buy yogurt and another piece of that Brie that was so good and cheap . I 've got my chores waiting for me , boy , do I ever . I don 't know why I 'm so reluctant to do them . It 's just a question of getting in the starting blocks and getting them over and done with and feeling good about them afterwards . I always boycott myself by making it look more complicated than it really is . I make mountains out of molehills . It 's in the nature of the beast . When I sit here tonight , writing a post , I must be able to say that I got a certain amount of work done , that I promise . I did end up washing my hair last night before I went to bed . I dried my hair witPosted by I had planned to wash my hair and give it great care with wax and hairspray and fix it up just right , so that I would look smashing again , but I did none of that and wasted my time instead piddling around doing nothing important , which seems to be the story of my life , but yet somehow I manage to get through it and get the most important things done and keep it all running in a fashion , I just don 't have very smashing hair right now . It 's not really necessary for me to have smashing hair , I mean halfway decent hair will do too . After all , I 'm not trying to lure some unsuspecting man into my female web of intrigue and sex appeal , so who cares what my hair looks like , as long as it is not dirty and terribly disarrayed . It 's actually curling now , which it has a tendency to do after I 've put wax and hairspray in it and is very funny , because after I wash it , it is completely straight . I have the straightest hair on the block . Not so after I apply wax and hairspray , I get a natural curl and suddenly it looks as though I have a big head of hair instead of wispy straight hair . But never mind , if I get up on time in the morning , I may have time to wash it then and give it the twenty minutes that it takes to fix it properly and get it dry enough without a hair dryer , which I also really need to buy one of these days . These last couple of days I just haven 't got my act together . Whenever I walk out of the kitchen with my mug of coffee , I slosh coffee over the side and onto the floor . When I make cigarettes , I spill tobacco onto the clean linoleum . When I eat a piece of bread with jam , a glob of jam falls onto the area rug . I have a half dozen little mishaps like that all day long . Anything that can be spilled , will be spilled . Paper towels are very handy right now . Luckily , I don 't spill much on my clothes , but several items have had to go in the wash . I live in the Republic of Absentmindedness . Alongside the Country of Forgetfulness . I 'm not quite living in the Great States of Dementia , it 's too early for that . Sometimes I thiPosted by Jesker is so busy sleeping that he is forgetting that it 's past his time to go for a walk and I 'm not going to remind him , but just let him soundly sleep on his blanket and wait to see what will happen when he wakes up all confused as to what time of the day it is . He ate his dinner with great appetite a while ago , after barking at me for thinking I had forgotten about it , but he was just a little bit ahead of me , because I didn 't get home until 3 pm this afternoon and immediately had to entertain the neighbor lady who was waiting for her taxi . This was after I maneuvered my bike safely into the hallway without bumping into Jesker who was happy to see me and wanted to show me how much immediately . Luckily , Gandhi was not at the front door , because she would have escaped into the stairwell and I would have had to go up after her or wait for her to come back down again . Sometimes that works and I leave the front door ajar and she walks back in on her own . I don 't know where she was this afternoon , but she 's sound asleep on the sofa now . I 've found out , that despite all my good intentions , I do not clean house when I get home after 3 pm in the afternoon . I 'm happy to be home and walk Jesker and have a mug of coffee or a glass of juice , but the thought of getting the dusting rag out and the vacuum cleaner is more than I can handle . I just don 't want to do any chores , while you would think that creative therapy would not be that emotionally draining , but for some reason it is and when I get home , I feel tired and not willing to do any work . When I got to creative therapy , I got my painting out that I had started on a few weeks ago and went and got a plate of acrylic colors , bu then I sat there and felt a huge panic coming up and it was as if I wanted to run out of the room as quickly as I could , which did not go unnoticed by the therapist , who then removed the painting and the paint and gave me coloring markers and mandalas and had me color those instead for the rest of the morning . This was good , because it was simple andPosted by |
If they had an application from me it was one sent to a newspaper box number that didn 't identify the company . The man who called on the telephone was the same one who interviewed me . He glanced at my work and said advertising copy writing was different from newspaper writing . We talked for awhile about the company . The first day the zipper on my pants broke . They were going to take a photograph for a card that identified me as an employee of that company . Thankfully , the picture only showed my head and shoulders . That same day I drove to the factory area where a doctor did a physical examination of me . He asked me a few question pertaining to my health , got a urine sample , listened to my heart , and took a blood pressure reading . It was a formality only if the person being examined was healthy . The physical examination prevented someone from working there whose medical condition would require extensive treatment and cost . The building was full of copywriters , artists and others who made all the printed material detailing what the company did and the products it made . We were part of the Commercial Division at the corporate headquarters . The man who was the head of the Commercial Division was the stepfather of a childhood friend of Jenny 's . Her mother came to our wedding party with another lady and was probably one of the people who didn 't have any duck soup . After a few days I became aware the head of our division was her second husband . There were only about five or six divisions in the entire company . He reported directly to the president of the company . The manager who hired me seemed very surprised when I asked him if that was why I got the job . He replied emphatically , " no " and said it wouldn 't make any difference if it had . He then went on about the company , and how good it had been to him in the many years he worked there . His grown child didn 't work there , but what he was saying was that the employees are one big family . So according to him it was natural for a family member to work there . My boss was the advertising manager for the steel making division . Soon I was switched to another manager who oversaw printed material , and the production of visual aids for the company 's " profit centers " located throughout the United States . Several months after the head of our division retired the other manager fired me . The sequence was curious . After I was no longer with the company the former division head was at a home and garden show in the Cincinnati Convention Center where I was pedaling mailboxes . He was going up and down the aisles with his wife looking at things . He died of cancer soon after that day . I expected the company to look me up , give me a box of animal crackers , and put me in a pyramid with him . The animals would plow the fields in never - never land . The advertising manager , another person , and myself went to a profit center outside Chicago . We traveled to Chicago in a commercial airplane and rented a car . During the drive I asked the manager how he got started in the advertising business and he said his father did public relations in Chicago all his life . He didn 't like talking about his personal life , and he never asked me about mine . He was as brief as could be about how he got started in advertising . We went to a company that made paper speaker cones . We stayed there most of the day talking with people who worked there . They showed us how the speaker cones were made . We were going to make a printed sales aid that told about the product and to do that we had to know about it firsthand . That is why we went there . We drove the car back to Chicago and returned by airplane the same day . The advertising manager who hired me asked me to do a brochure about pipe fabric for a marketing manager in Kansas City , Missouri . The company had a facility there called the " Kansas City Works " . We didn 't make the pipe , but we sold pipe fabric . Pipe fabric was a technical term for the steel reinforcing in concrete drainage pipe . When someone sold concrete pipe they sold steel . The selection of pipe fabric for a given size pipe was technical . When an engineer described the process to me it sounded as if he were talking another language . The marketing manager from Kansas City said he wanted a brochure a salesman could leave with a prospective customer who would then be able to show a government official why spending more money for concrete pipe was a better choice than buying other kinds of less expensive drainage pipe . I made the rough draft and sent it to an engineer in an office building next door . After a few days he called me on the telephone and we arranged to meet . He had nothing good to say about the brochure . With a red ballpoint pen he highlighted all the mistakes . He didn 't want a good brochure as much as he wanted to belittle me . Whether or not he was counterproductive didn 't matter . He had been there a long time . The advertising manager and him were like brothers . I put the rough draft , which had gotten much rougher looking , at the bottom of the pile of things to do . It stayed on the bottom . Weeks later the manager who gave me the assignment asked me how the brochure on pipe fabric was coming . I said the engineer was apparently incapable of saying what he wanted only what he didn 't want . The manager didn 't act surprised . He didn 't say anything . He left and said to the other manager in the office next to mine , " Did you hear that ? " A few weeks later the marketing manager from Kansas City was in town , and the manager who gave me the assignment said the Kansas City manager wanted to meet with me to go over the brochure . He was youthful and wanted to get things done . The two of us sat in a room with a large oval table and we worked out how to design the brochure and what to say . It took several hours . Later that afternoon the advertising manager , the marketing manager , and me were talking about the highway to the Cincinnati airport . I said the stretch of I - 75 from Galbraith Road to the bridge was the " killing zone " . We were walking to the parking lot . The Kansas City manager started to turn around like he was going to say something . He looked at the other person beside him and at the same time decided not to say whatever he was going to say . When we were working on the brochure he never talked about his personal life , but I knew by the way he reacted to those words that he had been in Vietnam . The people who were put in that environment , with the exception of my first sergeant , quickly shed ideas about the differences between people . What difference did a difference make when everyone had a singular goal : to go home alive . When he was working on the brochure there was the singular goal of making it an effective brochure that would sell pipe fabric . Little else made any difference . The advertising people worked in a long rectangular one level brick building with no windows . There were clear glass entry doors on the ends . Inside , there were two rows of offices along the sides with a metal door to each one . The offices were separated by high partitions . There was twenty - five feet across the middle . In that section there were twice as many work areas as offices . A work area was defined by a four sided , five - foot high partition with an opening on one side . In each one there was a desk , some file cabinets , and a few personal effects . The people in the middle were hourly employees who helped the salaried employees in the offices along the side . I got an office , but I was an hourly employee . The director had a large office at the end of the building with four walls that went to the ceiling . He leaned in my door and said a mistake had been made . From then on I would be a salaried employee . He was gone before I could ask anything . On payday the money was the same , but a salaried employee was considered more important to the company than an hourly one . The money was the best part . When I worked on the newspaper I had lots of fun and made no money , and when I had a big company job I had no fun but made lots of money . When the assistant to the head of the Commercial Division retired there was a small ceremony in our building . Everyone stood around him in a chummy way to present him with a gold colored deep sea - fishing reel as a token of appreciation . He took it and shook a few hands . After more than thirty years of service , when he left , he got a gold fishing reel . I wondered if he liked fishing or if there was something more like a Swiss bank account . It was discouraging . A handshake , a pat on the back , and maybe something made of gold didn 't seem enough . Little did I know I would soon be leaving with nothing but my unemployment compensation . I wouldn 't have left on my own volition . I broke away like an object breaks away from the gravitational pull of another object . There were three bare walls in my office . I put large pictures on two of them . The Photography Department made one for me . It was a poster size enlargement of a picture in a company book that depicted an artists conception of a strong looking worker , and in the back ground there were tall smoke stacks . It was done long ago before the company became a billion - dollar corporation . In the lower right section of the picture there was a remark by the founder of the company . It signified that personal virtues made the corporation . After awhile I wondered if virtue ever existed there . What made me wonder if it ever existed resulted from an assignment . The assignment was to make a script and select photographs for a slide show that would tell how well two companies worked together . The company where I worked was the exclusive international distributor for welding equipment made by a second company . Long ago the founders of each company had gotten together and made an agreement that was still in effect . When I was there the people at the welding company didn 't like the agreement , but they lived with it because they had no choice . The slide show was to be given at a diner for people from the two companies . It was intended to show what a profitable relationship each company had . I got to rummage through company histories . At the welding company the founder promoted welding when it was a new technology . He demonstrated welding to an admiral in the U . S . Navy who thought the only way two pieces of metal could be fastened together was with rivets . The account said the admiral told the welding company founder that he ( the admiral ) could kick a weld off with his toe . At that time many ships were being made all over the world . A global war was starting . At the company where I worked I read that during those same years tons of welding exports were sent to Sao Paulo , Brazil . When getting information at the welding company for the slide show they knew I was not from the International Division . A person with a big office asked me to sit down in a chair while from behind his desk he said the company I worked for was asleep at the stick in Mexico City . I asked him why he said that , and he proceeded to tell me about a situation where a big contract sale was lost when it didn 't have to be lost . When I reported what the man said the International Division already knew the people at the welding company wanted the international business directly . That is why the International Division asked for the slide show and invited the group from the other company to diner . Someone debriefed me from a corner office at the International Division . He told me the right way to think . When I traveled to the welding company I went there in a company plane with the head of the Natural Resources Division . We were going to the same airport . I was on that plane because the profit center advertising manager 's assistant put me there . When she made travel plans she always checked first to see if there were any seats available on company planes . I told my manager about the trip . That was the first and last time I went on a company plane . On the plane the natural resources man and me talked about chain saws . Two other people were with him . They carried papers . When we flew back I told him what the man at the welding company said to me . He listened and said , " Who do you work for ? " He took another drink . One of the people with him made him a third whiskey drink and he said he had just made a deal with the Canadian government about taconite and needed to relax . Nobody could relax with him . The head of the photography department wouldn 't let me pay for the enlargement of the picture about virtue . He said I could contribute to the coffee fund . One of the first assignments I had was to go to one of the profit centers with him . He worked for the company many years , and on the airplane he told me I could put anything on my expense account but a horse and buggy . In a brochure about signposts some of them were chipped and needed touch up paint . He said it would be easier to retouch the photograph even if the touch up paint cost fifty times less . The other picture on my wall was an oil painting . It showed a cold and quiet place just above the tree line on a mountain . A biplane is stuck like a dart in the snow . Another airplane is flying away in the distance . It is barely distinguishable in the haze . The head of the metal products division asked to use the telephone on my desk , and when he finished he said it was a morbid painting . I said some people think the plane is a rescue plane , and others think it 's the one that shot the other one down . He and I met at a Christmas party a few weeks before . Jenny was with me . I was feeling kind of loose , and when the three of us were standing together , unknown to her he shot me a look that said watch it buster , remember who you are . In the corporate world he was the head of the Metal Products Division , and I was a word merchant . At the party many of the people from our building were standing along the side of the room talking among themselves as if the other people spoke a different language . There were many things I did not understand . Not only that , but each payday the building emptied at lunch as managers and everyone else went to deposit their money in a bank . I could only imagine it was because they had so many urgent bills . When I asked another person who did not go to the bank if that was why everyone else did , he laughed , and said it was a habit more than anything else . The day after the Christmas party there was a story in the local newspaper about how someone had stolen some cattle from a nearby field the same night . I thought one of the copywriters was pointing a finger at me . I told him it wasn 't me who rustled the cows . I told him I had witnesses that I went straight home after the Christmas party . During that year Jenny had our first child . It was a boy . No one had to tell me , but when he was still in diapers more than a few people said he was a cute baby . We named the cute baby Whit after Jenny 's father . He grew from a cute baby , to a good - looking child , to a handsome and strong young man . As he grew older , I told him several times good looks and a dime would get him a cup of coffee . A short time after he was born I got fired from my big company job . Whit usually went with me to install mailboxes . When he was a few years old he would play in the back of my truck with tools or whatever was there . More often than not he would pass the time pounding 20 - penny hot dip galvanized nails into a block of wood with an 18 - ounce claw hammer . At first I didn 't notice it , but one day a customer 's teenage son came out to where I was working . He said , " Look at that kid drive nails . " I looked up . On the other side of the road my flat bed truck was parked in the driveway . From beginning to end we watched Whit hammer one of those large nails into a piece of wood . He didn 't miss once , and with both hands took long swings with the hammer . Before Whit was born we both worked and were gone all day . After he was born Jenny stayed at home . She took care of him and did strenuous things like talk on the telephone to her sisters . She would go to a garden club meeting now and then . At first , the idea of a garden club sounded repulsive to me , but it wasn 't . There were quite a few older ladies who set the pace , and they were extremely knowledgeable about plants . One knew everything about the daffodil flower . In her back yard she had many different species from all over the world . Jenny told me her father collected them . Her father was long gone , but in Spring I saw hillsides covered with daffodils that he planted . When I put in a mailbox for that lady I knew about her connection to the daffodil . I almost forgot the bill in my hand . She led me around to the back of the house where the daffodils were growing . Each species was identified with a marker . They were all in bloom . It was quite a sight . I didn 't know so many different ones existed . Jenny was still in the garden club when I got unemployed , and she went back to work in the middle of downtown Cincinnati . The first thing I did was get rid of the giant wood stove in the basement . That winter it almost burnt the house down while we were in bed asleep . The wood stove in the basement was more like a wood furnace . It was made from a steel 300 - gallon fuel tank . It was cradled above the dirt floor by pieces of angle iron bolted together . The air inlet below the door was made from two six - inch long pieces of 2 1 / 2 - inch water pipe . One end of each piece was screwed onto a flange fastened over a hole in the tank . The amount of heat could be regulated by partially or completely obstructing the air opening . The furnace was located in the middle of the basement where a rotten staircase had been . Access to the basement was no longer from stairs inside , but from storm doors outside the house . I took a wall out on the first floor so there was one room instead of two smaller rooms . That , and the removal of the rotten stairs , left a large opening in the floor three - feet wide and six - feet long . The furnace was right below that opening . In the winter when the air inside got dry a cloud of steam would bellow up when I poured a full pan of water down on the furnace . The house could be instantly humidified . Directly above the opening in the floor was a set of stairs that went to the second floor . There were two bedrooms up there that had white stamped sheet metal ceilings , wallpaper , and windows on three sides . A third door at the top of the stairs went into a bathroom over the kitchen . On one side of the room there was a bathtub , a sink , and a freestanding toilet . The center of the room was seven - feet high , but it sloped down to a knee wall four - feet high on both sides . The toilet was a foot away from the wall . Behind it a tropical plant was flourishing with big dark green leaves on vines . Sometimes I felt like I needed a machete to sit down . It wilted and died a few years later . At the far end of the room a chimney came up from the kitchen . On each side of it were windows . When I sat on the toilet amid huge tropical leaves I could look across the field . I did some of my best thinking there . The four - foot walls had a hatch that opened to the area behind them and that was the only place to store things in the house . Over the years Jenny said numerous times she needed more shelves , and places to put things . I told her to think of the house as a sailboat , take only what you need , and don 't throw disposable plates overboard even though the ocean is deep . Each time the issue of shelves came up I would recite an adage , " However much space you have , you will fill it and need more . " If we had an airport hanger out back we would fill it and need more space . Splitting wood was time consuming , and when I had the big company job there wasn 't much time for anything else . Sometimes the pieces of wood that went into the furnace were so big I could barely pick them up . I would roll one to the back and then roll another up against that one . The furnace was full after three or four pieces . The wood would smolder and give off even heat all day . It was almost gone at the end of the day when I got home . It worked very well except it wasn 't maintenance free . The chimneys were a constant source of trouble . The farmhouse was not designed to have a wood furnace in the basement . There were three brick chimneys . Two were in the front , and one was in the back . The two front chimneys were nearest to the basement . I connected the furnace to them . The cheap sheet metal wood stoves that had been in the front rooms were gone . Two six - inch single wall elbows were connected to holes in the back of the furnace . From there , stovepipe went in opposite directions to each end of the basement . It hung by wire from the floor joists . On each end there was another elbow that went up through the floor . On the West side of the house the pipe went up into the flue on the first floor . On the other side the pipe continued straight up into the bedroom on the second floor . There it went another ninety degrees and three feet in a horizontal direction into a flue . I had to clean out the long lengths of stovepipe often or they would clog . That was especially true for the stovepipe on the East side of the house . The wood inside the furnace steamed and smoked all day . There wasn 't much flame . The smoke cooled and condensed on the inside of the pipe forming a brown glassy substance . At least twice a month I disconnected the elbow in the basement put a crumpled up piece of newspaper in the vertical end and lit it on fire . The brown glassy substance on the wall of the pipe burned like a fuse . Dark gray crusty material fell out of the pipe . When the condensed material burned it not only changed its form , but its thickness expanded four or five times . One time the pipe clogged right after I lit the newspaper I ran up to the second floor and disconnected the elbow up there . A heavy , yellow smoke spilled down over the open edge of the pipe . I dropped an eight - pound broken sledgehammer down through the inside of the pipe . In that way I planned to unclog the pipe , but the piece of steel got stuck in the expanding material . When that happened I opened the windows . I felt dizzy from breathing some of the smoke . I sat down on the floor , and waited for things to air out . That incident didn 't scare me . What scared me was the night I woke up from a sound sleep , and lying there fully awake I could hear the creaking noise of metal expanding . The fire in the furnace was growing . At night caps were screwed on the ends of the air intakes . I listened some more and the stovepipe that came through the floor in our bedroom was making the creaking noise . Something was definitely wrong ; the fire was getting all the air it wanted . I got out of bed and went down stairs to look through the opening at the furnace . It was going full blast and getting hotter . It wasn 't red hot but it felt that way . The door to the furnace was tightly closed and both caps were covering the air inlets . The only other place where air could get in was the opening for the chimneys . The stove pipe on the East side of the house was hot , and the one going to the West side of the house was as cold as winter . The furnace was getting air through the chimney . In the middle of the night the furnace started ingesting air through one chimney and exhausting it through the other . The fire was wide open , uncontrolled , and running away . When I blocked the cold pipe the intense heat died down . The metal made the creaking noise again , but this time it was contracting as it got cooler . I stood there until things calmed down , and then I went back up stairs . I was wearing shoes but no clothes . Jenny woke up and asked me what I was doing running around stark naked . At that point everything was just ducky , even though it was a little warm in our room . My job was forty - five minutes from the house . Another person and I shared the driving . His first job after graduating from college was at a company near where I worked . He said his job wasn 't very exciting . He worked in a room full of engineers sitting at drafting tables in neat rows busily computing " moments " . A short time after I got fired he quit , and went to law school . He got a new car the year we took turns driving to work . My car ran good ( sic ) despite the way it looked . When he got the new car he let me take the luggage rack and other things like the radio from the car he was replacing . I would have stripped more stuff off it , but he said he had to drive home . The next day when we drove to work I told him about a new theory I developed called the crumb theory . It says that whenever a big deal goes down there are always a lot of crumbs . Practically everything I had was an example of the crumb theory at work . The new car he got was a sporty luxury car . It was still on the new car warranty when he wrecked it at a dangerous intersection . The insurance company delayed in making a settlement . They could take their sweet time as far as he was concerned . After several days he got tired of waiting , went out , and got another one like the first except it was a different color . When we took his car to work we traveled in style . The big company owned a company that made and sold wire mesh containers used to move things around factory floors . The customers were people who operated factories . The profit center - advertising manager said the containers were going to be the subject of a series of full - page advertisements in a nationwide material - handling magazine . In the next few weeks he wanted me to think up a theme for those advertisements . My name was the last one on the routing list of a well - known business newspaper . By the time it got to me the newspaper was four or five days old . It told what was going on with the nation 's businesses . An advertisement for rental trucks in that newspaper showed a truck with a chicken on the roof and a few others pecking the ground . In the foreground the owner looked directly at the reader and the print in his own words said how the truck helped him increase the profitability of his business . The manager who gave me the assignment looked at the page without interest and asked me what about the advertisement . I said don 't you believe he is the owner of a company that sells chickens , and the truck helps him the way he says ? I said the container advertisement could be like this . A factory person in factory clothes standing on the factory floor would look directly at the camera and the printed message in his words would explain how our wire mesh containers helped him . In the background there would be a large stack of the containers so someone could see he was not just whistling Dixie . I said a testimonial is what it would be . The manager didn 't say yes or no . Later that year the corporate advertisements in a popular consumer magazine were exactly like that , except in each one the person up front was a different profit center executive . He didn 't give me any credit . One day I was out in the corridor singing a song , or the part I remembered , " Remember why God made your eyes . Don 't shade your eyes , plagiarize , plagiarize , plagiarize , only , please , remember to call it research . " The container advertisements that eventually evolved showed a picture of it with words describing its features . In large type over the picture every time it said , " look into it " . The magazine that it appeared in sent a framed glossy copy of the advertisement with a little inscription at the bottom that explained it won something like the golden gloves award . The framed picture was leaning against a partition on top of a filing cabinet . Every time someone went to the art department they went past where it was . The first time I leaned it back up without thinking . When I went that way again it was face down . That happened several more times , and it made me wonder if the magazine sent it to us because of all the money it cost . If that was true why was it put there in the first place . The first time I knew anything about it was when the framed picture appeared on the filing cabinet . No one said anything to me . I called a person who worked for the magazine . The long and short of what he said was that the magazine 's intention of sending the " award " was not to thank us for the money even though it might seem that way . He said the advertisement helped the image of the magazine because it was not dreary . Over the top of the partition I could hear the manager slapping his desk repeatedly except it sounded like he was using his hand not his shoe . There were people in the Personnel Department who prepared a newsletter . I wrote a response to an article that pointed to all the foreign steel in the parking lot . Our director went by me in the aisle , and he made some sort of brief , barely intelligible remark about how a letter had gone out of his department . That was the only acknowledgment of the letter I got . He smiled the whole time . It wasn 't a jovial matter to him even though it seemed that way . When I wrote a letter to a person at the International Division about what the man at the welding company said our director saw that letter first . I didn 't think a response to an article in a newsletter had to be handled that way . The article about foreign cars first appeared in the Ashland newsletter . The management there wrote it . The company had a limestone mining operation in Ashland , Kentucky . The people at headquarters thought the article was so poignant that they reprinted it in its entirety for everyone to read . In those days for the first time steel made in foreign countries was coming into the United States . Previously , several large domestic steel companies had the entire market here , and all price changes and employee benefits were the same . That changed when companies from other countries saw the opportunity to compete . It was of little concern to the foreign companies how domestic steel companies set the price of a ton of steel and determined employee benefits . In my letter I said the article about foreign cars in the parking lot at Ashland was a futile attempt to keep things the way they were , and rather than sulk about foreign steel they should sell steel to foreigners . The Kansas City operation was part of the Steel Division . The profit center advertising manager who 's office was next to mine didn 't normally do work for them , but he was doing a bill board that he said was both near the Kansas City Works , and a busy highway . He said the management there wanted a public service message . After thinking awhile I stood in his office door and said why not simply have the words , " Kansas City Works " . We talked about it a little longer . He was busy with something else . I do not know if those words or any other words ever appeared on a billboard there . Several years later when I was doing mailboxes I went to an exhibition of hardware store things at McCormick Hall in Chicago . I drove there and the words " Chicago , the city that works " was said on the radio . I had the long - standing impression the billboard in Kansas City never got made . Maybe it did after all , and I wondered if the people in Chicago got the idea from there . Two of the other copywriters were made managers . The profit center - advertising manager assigned me to the one who a few weeks earlier had freaked over me . An internal memorandum announced the promotion / change . The day I saw him emote freely he was standing there waiting for a secretary 's attention . I didn 't realize what he was doing . I went right in front of him and asked the secretary if she would type something for me . He made a high - pitched noise . This got the attention of everyone in the building , including the two of us . His face was red . He was having a fit . It was then I realized I rudely butted in front of him . I apologized , but partly with disbelief that I had been the cause of such an outburst . The profit center advertising manager office was across the aisle . Later that same day I could plainly hear him asking the secretary what happened . He never asked me . When he was promoted to manager I was assigned to him . The door to his office was open so I walked in and sat down in a metal cushioned chair to congratulate him , and have a friendly word with him . Sitting behind his desk he looked at the open door as if to say he would have liked me to knock . He puffed on a pipe . Everything was well lit and clean . His responses were polite . I had to make all the overtures . When I got up to leave I said , since he was a full fledged company man now I would ask him where the ropes were . I felt like a worker bee in a huge hive where another layer had just been added . Several weeks later I sat down with the profit center - advertising manager and the new manager in one of the conference rooms for my " job review " . The new manager sat there with his arms folded while the other one read something from a piece of paper as if he had been told exactly what to say . In the corporate world the review statement was a necessity to my being fired later . What he said was true and that was the sickening part . He read that I could not spell and that I was severely lacking in numerous other technical abilities . I wanted to cry when I heard how little they thought of my work . I tried to conceal how bewildered and hurt I was . The last line of the review statement was about how I was good at research . In response to that I said I was gifted in that area . They probably expected me to say I wanted to improve . What I did say was that the review was a real " hatchet job " . The manager who read the words on the paper asked me to repeat myself . I said in newspaper work a " hatchet job " literally refers a murder where someone is not only killed , but their corpse is hacked . Again I said the review of my job performance , although true , was a " hatchet job " . For the first time the other manager piped up . He leaned forward , took his pipe out of his mouth , put his arms on the table in a professional manner , and said I had a strange way of wording things . That wasn 't on the script . He didn 't open his mouth again and probably got kicked under the table for the one time he did say something . The review was so vehement . I was like a naive child not to see they wanted me out of there . Nothing I could have said would change that fact . I only did one interesting assignment for the new manager in the last weeks I was there . The company made metal buildings in a small town in Ohio called Washington Court House . The person in charge of the metal building factory located there wanted a brochure that would show what they did . It would be given to interested persons before they went on a factory tour . All the other work I did for the new manager was re - writing directions , which wasn 't very thrilling . When I did the brochure on the metal buildings the man in charge showed me what they did step by step . When I first got the job at the big company I went to a stamping plant in Detroit , an electric motor factory in St . Louis , and a printing company in Lawrence , Kansas . They were customers that had bought the fork truck size wire mesh containers we made in Plymouth , Michigan . In each place someone proud of what they did showed me first hand the entire operation . I took my personal effects out of my office and put them in my car . The two pictures on the wall were the biggest things . When I went past the open door of the profit center - advertising manager he looked up to see what was in my hands . As I walked across the parking lot with the two pictures I saw the other new manager . We stopped , and talked . He said in a short while he was permanently going to Houston , Texas where the company manufactured oil well casing . My hands were full and as I continued on toward my car . I said how it was nice knowing him . I could talk to him . At the end of the workday the profit center - advertising manager told me to meet him in the director 's office . I got right up , and when I went out in the aisle he was already there at the far end of the building turning into the director 's office . When I got there the director was sitting behind his desk , and the advertising manager and me sat down in two chairs . We weren 't there so I could get a pay raise . The director didn 't say anything the entire time . He nodded for the manager to begin his soliloquy , and the manager began to read from a paper that was probably prepared by the personnel department . Every so often I politely made an audible acknowledgment noise like people often do . It isn 't two words , but a sort of two - part sound that shows a person is listening . The first part was about my performance and it set the groundwork for the second part . The " therefore " in the second part was about how I was getting fired . I continued with the same perfunctory acknowledgment noise at appropriate intervals . The director had a sense of humor , and I could see out of the corner of my eye that it all but cracked him up . The manager sounded so serious and remorseful as he read . You would have though he was the one getting fired . The third and last part was the best part . It told about all the benefits I would get . The government would give me money every two weeks and the company paid another company to find me a new job . When all was said and done I stood up and said it sounded like a good deal to me . I wanted to give the distraught manager a hug and tell him everything was going to be all right , but he never looked at me . Instead , I shook his limp hand . He gave me my paycheck . I bid the director farewell , and walked on down the hall . Unlike the manager who looked undone the director was trying very hard to maintain his dignified composure . I left a box of color slide film on my desk with a note for someone to return it to a person at the Washington Court House factory . He let it go only after I promised he would get it back . I carried one more batch of things to my car . When I came back in to make the last trip the other person with an office next to mine was out in the aisle leaning on the partition where his secretary worked . His arms were folded on top of the partition . He stopped talking to her , and looked at me the whole distance I walked to what was my office . He was an older man who worked in a marketing capacity for the Metal Products Division . I never knew exactly what his job was , but he was a permanent fixture in that company . By the self - satisfied smirk on his face he wanted me to know he knew I had been fired . I got in my car , opened all the windows , and fired it up . I went over to the engineering company where my friend worked to give him a ride home . When he got in I told him it was all over for me in that town , that I got terminated . I expected him to call me a poor thing or something like that . I was late picking him up . |
Good morning . Shhh , I can 't say this very loud because I don 't want to jinx anything , but Pogo is just now finishing up a plate of doggie food for breakfast . He also had some last evening for a snack . My goodness , will wonders never cease ! ! Well , sometime early yesterday morning , we got a few more drops of precipitation . I 'm not sure when it got here or how it snuck by my door because I never saw or heard it . Pogo and I were up all night and we never saw it . Unless it quickly ran by us in the morning when I was napping . Pogo seems to be handling his meds a little better . Oh , he still fights me all the way , but at least he has stopped spitting it out all over me . Yesterday , I missed one of his meds , I guess because my brain wasn 't quite awake . However , this morning we are back on track . SIL Eddie came by yesterday on his way home from work just to say hello and sit and chat for a little while . I don 't get to see him as much now because the union called him back to work , and he has to work six days a week . So , yesterday 's visit was a nice surprise . This morning , in a little while , Joe and I will go do some grocery shopping before it gets really hot outside . I have to remember to take my insulated bag with me so that I can get some ice cream . This is the season for ice cream , but it is difficult to get it home from the market in an edible state . I 'm not into soupy ice cream . I have some cute photos to share that I took a couple days ago . Now that I have the porch , my little critter friends come up to sit on the railing sometimes . One of our squirrels thought it might be safe to eat his snack there . These photos were taken through the screen and window of the door . There 's not much news this morning , so I think I should go get dressed . We 'll be leaving soon to do the grocery shopping . Also , have you been noticing the calendar ? We are just about all out of this month . When I come back on Monday it will be a new month . So , till August , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's almost 6 : 30 a . m . and I haven 't been to sleep yet . No , I 'm not sick or anything like that . And the temps were cool enough for a nice sleep . It 's sort of a long story . As you know , Pogo had to go to the hospital last evening to see his doctor again . This was not Pogo 's favorite place to be and the A / C was on so the air was cool . The metal examining table was also cold , and as soon as the doctor walked into the room , Pogo had a bad case of the juicy squirties . I put him in the little sink to clean him off while the doctor had the task of cleaning off the examining table . Phew ! Not the nicest smelling stuff . After examining Pogo , his doctor said that Pogo has an extreme allergy to fleas and that was the problem . Somehow , somewhere , Pogo had picked up fleas and they were doing a real nasty number on him . He was treated right away to kill anything that might be on his body , then he had a steroid to help stop the itch . Next came another medicine , but this one was in pill form . Pogo does not do pills , so I let the doctor try to give it to him . It wasn 't easy , but all of a sudden the assistant yelled " Stop ! He 's turning blue . " Now my heart jumped up into my throat . After checking Pogo again to make sure he was okay , the doctor decided to try a different medicine . Alas , this was also in pill form . This time the assistant tried to give it to Pogo , and again they had to stop because he started turning blue again . By now , my poor little doggie was shaking and begging for me to pick him up and hold him . So I did just that . Next the he had to have another medicine , and the doctor treated him with Simple Guard 3 to help keep him safe from fleas . I already put Revolution on him once a month , but now he will have to have both treatments every month . Last night it was the Simple Guard 3 , and in two weeks it will be Revolution . We will continue on this way , alternating the meds every two weeks . The doctor and I took turns combing Pogo 's fur until everything looked pretty free of the pesky fleas . His doctor felt pretty sure that his new med regime would take care of the flea problem and that it wouldn 't be long before he would stop itching and be comfortable again . Gosh , I sure hope so . When we got in the car to go home , I told Pogo that he might have to think about applying for Medicaid to pay for all his meds and doctor visits . He didn 't have anything to say on this subject . On the way home , I stopped at McDonalds to get us some supper . It was too late to have to cook . We got our food and headed for home . Oh no ! Something doesn 't smell so good . Really ? Oh Pogo , not all over my front seat ! ! ! Yup , it was all over the passenger seat , and he danced all through it ( trying to get away from it ) as I frantically drove the car home . Once we got in the driveway , I beeped the horn and Joe came out . He held Pogo while I opened my doors and then I took Pogo into the house to the bathroom for a bath . Meanwhile , Joe offered to clean the mess in my car . God bless him . Before I set Pogo down , I sprayed and covered the sofa with nice clean bath towels . While he rested a bit on the sofa , I started spraying the carpet and his furniture , etc , and put a load of his blankets in the washer . Do you suppose I could sit down now for a bit to catch my breath ? Oh no , thank goodness I covered the sofa with big towels because here we go again with the squirties . ( I really need a break ! ! ) As I rushed around trying to keep up with everything , I slipped and started to fall , but I put out my arm to break the fall . It worked , however , my arm doesn 't exactly look so very happy now . It 's getting fat in spots and turning some nasty colors . But I still love my Pogo . Honest , I do ! ! Another quickie bath , and more nice clean towels ( the sofa cushions are covered with large black trash bags ) and it was now time for us to eat . Thank goodness I got take out because there was no way I was in any mood to cook . Pogo gobbled up all of his double hamburger , and settled in for a nap . So why didn 't I get any sleep ? Because he sleeps all night snuggled up against my side and leg . If I fell asleep I wouldn 't be able to jump up quick enough to avoid getting covered if Pogo had another bout of the squirties . . So I watched TV , and a couple times we both went out on the porch to cool off for a little while . Dwarf Helen has to go out this morning to do an errand so she will pick up the birdseed that I need ( so that I won 't have to go out ) and I will have me a nice nap after she gets back from the store . So , now aren 't you glad you stopped by ? Here 's a photo of Pogo resting after he filled his tummy with all that tasty hamburger . There 's a fan blowing lightly on him and he is enjoying it . He looks kind of big here , but he 's not . He 's stretched over the footrest on the lounge chair . I have another image to share with you . I found this really awesome tee shirt on the web and I just had to post it here . These are my sentiments exactly ! ! I had a couple more photos to share , but they will have to wait until tomorrow . My eyes are starting to feel rather scratchy and the eyelids keep trying to close . I need to get up and walk around a bit so I don 't fall asleep before Dwarf Helen gets back with the birdseed . I will post again tomorrow instead of on Sunday because I have to leave Sunday morning for an all day class on how to shoot and clean guns . This should be a fun class , although many many moons have gone by since I used to practice shooting at the gun club . I was young and strong back then . Now I 'm not so strong and the guns weigh more than me almost . ( just kidding ) Good morning . So far , it has been a very frustrating morning . I started typing my post , then had to take a break to try to correct a problem with my wi - fi service . I eventually got that fixed ( to a point ) and came back to finish my post . Sad to say , Blogger is in a feisty mood and would not let me type anything recognizable . I had to erase the whole post and start over . Please don 't tell me that this is going to be one of those " Murphy 's Law " days ! I have Comcast cable , and my wi - fi sucks ! Big time ! However , I 've discovered that if I shut it off ( on my cell phone ) and use the Verizon wi - fi , I 'm okay . If that 's the case , why am I paying all this money to Comcast ? ? ? ? ? This morning he is still in the doghouse , and wants nothing to do with me . I wonder if it 's because I put a tee shirt on him to make it more difficult to scratch himself . Anyway , I finally picked up the dog house and put it on the sofa with me and literally had to dump Pogo out of it ! ! Here 's a photo of him hiding inside the dog house . I used the flash so that we could see him . Oh boy , wait till he discovers that he has another doctor appointment later this evening ! ! He 'll really be mad at me . This morning I ordered a bottle of fish oil to add to his food , and a bottle of Aloe Vera Gel for his skin . I also ordered a couple items to put away for Christmas . I 'm really hoping that soon we 'll be able to get to the bottom of Pogo 's nasty itch and get rid of it . Nothing in his life these past few years has changed . He is loved and spoiled every day , he eats only the best foods ( he 's very picky ) and he gets whatever he wants . So what else can I do ? I 'm beginning to feel like a neglectful mama . Okay , so on a lighter note , I 've dug out a few fun photos from my archives to share with you . I took these at our local park . This is one happy little duck who sure knows how to keep cool ! Good morning . Yikes ! It 's only mid morning and temps are already in the mid 80 's , and headed for the low 90 's . I am positively wilting ! Thank goodness for the air conditioning . Well , last evening , daughter Deanne and I went to our class on Basic Firearm Safety . There was quite a good mix of folks in the class , men and women , young and old . The instructor was very knowledgeable , and the class was very educational . Towards the end of the class , we all had a chance to hold and properly unload a revolver , a rifle and a shotgun . This was very enlightening , and at the end of the class everyone received a " Basic Firearms Safety Certificate . " The next class will be this coming Sunday where we will learn more about how to properly handle and shoot a gun . This should be another interesting and educational day . To change the subject , did you know that there are laws as to how long you can legally leave your car engine running ? In Massachusetts , a car cannot be idling more than five minutes unless it is being serviced or it is being used to deliver or accept goods where engine assisted power is necessary . If someone is caught , they can be levied with a $ 100 fine for the first offense and up to $ 500 for subsequent offenses . Hmmm , I don 't think I ever heard of anyone being fined for this offense , have you ? ( click on the image to see a bigger view ) As you all know , Pogo has developed an awful itch , and it has been driving him crazy . Me too , for that matter . I give him special baths , Benedryl and an antiobiotic , but we haven 't been able to lose the itch . I may have to take him back to the doctor for more tests . The poor little guy gets so frustrated hearing me constantly telling him to " stop that " scratching . There is another medicine that we can try , but it is a pill that you have to push down the doggie 's throat and I can 't do that . The medicine does not come in liquid form , so I think I 'll ask the doctor if it can be given by shot . Pogo wouldn 't be too happy , but we really do need to get rid of the cause of the itch . Here 's a photo of Pogo grabbing a little nap after taking some Benedryl . Gosh , I feel so bad for him . He doesn 't like the medicines , and can 't understand why I keep giving it to him . He does spit some of the medicine out which . of course , makes him quite sticky . But then , that 's a good reason for a nice cooling bath and a rub down with a big fluffy towel . Today I have a new quick page for you . This one features a very happy Lola , who is practicing her dance steps with a friend . I hope you can use it . Well , that 's my news for this morning . I got a late start today , and now I need to get a few things done around the house . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's another beautiful morning that is going to be a real scorcher in a few more hours . For some reason though , the nights have been cool , which I 'm very thankful for . It 's 96F in the daytime and 66F during the night . That 's a big , but hugely appreciated , drop in temperature . Yesterday I managed to do a couple loads of laundry . Hopefully , today I can do another load , this time with the towels . I 've been trying to launder all of Pogo 's blankets to help keep his " itchies " down . In between loads of laundry , I spent some time going through stacks of magazines . Once I removed my ID from them , they could be put in the recycle barrel . Late yesterday afternoon , I got a friend request from someone on Facebook that was such a wonderful surprise . When my kids were young , I took in some exchange students . One boy in particular , Ulf , was from Sweden and stayed with us for the whole school year . We stayed close for a few years , but then somehow drifted apart . I haven 't seen or heard from him for so many years . Until I got this friend request from him . Wowee ! ! I downloaded a couple photos of him to share . This first photo is Ulf and his dog , and it 's what he looked like shortly after he graduated from High School . He attended our high school with my daughter Audrey ( for his senior year ) . And this is a photo of him today . Gosh , it 's so good to catch up with him again . It 's almost like finding a missing relative . Wow , the wonders of the internet ! ! ! I 'm so glad you 're back in our life , Ulf . I 've missed you . Today maybe I 'll spend some time with the shredder . Goodness knows , I have lots to shred . Then this afternoon I 'll try to have a little nap . I need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for my class this evening . Tonight , Deanne and I are attending the first of two classes for gun safety . She wanted this for her birthday , so that 's what we 're doing . I just hope the building where the class is held is air conditioned . I have another photo to share . DIL Janet took this photo of her sleeping kitties . Aren 't they just the cutest ? Well , that 's my news for this morning . Now it 's time to see what sort of mischief I can get into today . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Tis another beautiful day here , and yes , another scorcher . If we didn 't have to go out this morning , Pogo and I would go back to bed and sleep for another hour or two . It felt good to get some sleep during the night and we 'd like some more . ( greedy , huh ? ) This morning , we have to go to the bank , and then to McDonalds to get me some iced coffee . After that , I 'll do some laundry and make a bowl of tuna salad . Well at least that 's the plan . Hmmm , this is strange . I just dozed off for fifteen minutes . Maybe I 'll have a nap and go to the bank tomorrow . Sad to say , now that we have this nice porch to sit out on , it 's too hot to sit out . Poor little Pogo sits by the door and wants so badly to go out on the porch . So after a while , I let him go out there , only to have him come back in just a couple minutes . Ah well , we did go out there during the night for a few minutes . The cool air felt good . Here 's an interesting picture that I found on the web and thought I would share . It 's quite a unique way to make a shady spot for lunch . Materials used are PVC pipes and shower curtains . Now that I 've decided that we 'll go to the bank tomorrow , I think I 'll put in a load of laundry and catch me a little nap . This heat makes me very tired . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Here in New England it is hot , hot , hot ! I realize other parts of the country are hotter than we are , but to us , this is very hot . Temps in the 90 's every day . The only saving factor has been the coolness of the last couple of nights . We had storm warnings a couple evenings ago . Rain , damaging winds and hail were forecast as being headed our way , along with thunder and lightning . Well , the thunder and lightning showed up for a while , along with about 57 extremely misty teeny rain drops . Make that 59 . A couple of the drops hit the car and split in two . Then the storm moved further south . As for sleep , well I 've been taking advantage of little naps whenever they happen . Early yesterday morning , while it was still cool enough to walk and breathe comfortably , Joe and I went to Walmart to do our grocery shopping . I guess a lot of other folks had the same idea because there were a lot of shoppers there . In the afternoon , I managed to do a couple loads of laundry , towels and such . But that was the extent of my ambition for the day . I did cook supper for Pogo . For myself , I nuked a frozen dinner . I don 't have much of an appetite in this heat . I dug into my archives for a couple photos that might help cool us off for a little bit . These photos were taken four years ago in December . What 's really amazing is that in December of 2012 , there were more roses blooming on the pink rose tree than we 've had all of this year . Go figure . Pogo and I are staying ahead of the heat as best we can . Every now and then I put the A / C on for a while to cool the room down , and we have a couple fans moving the air around . I would love to keep the door open with the window pane up all through the night when it is really cool , but that is not really feasible . ( for safety reasons ) At four thirty this morning , I got up and made breakfast for Pogo and me while it was nice and cool . In a little while , I 'll take a look to see what 's for lunch . Maybe I 'll have a bowl of cereal . Mmmm , that sounds cool and yummy . I have ice cream and milk . Maybe I 'll make a milkshake . Oooooh , I 'm making my mouth water ! I think I should stop typing right now before I gain a few more pounds . haha . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a wonderful day . Good morning . Tis a beautiful , but sweltering , day here in New England . Today is supposed to get up into the mid to upper 90 's . Too darn hot for me . Right now , it hasn 't reached 80 yet , and there is a nice breeze . Pretty soon though , we 'll have to close the window on the door to keep out some of the heat . Joe and I are supposed to go grocery shopping later this afternoon , but we may have to wait until after supper till it cools off a bit . I don 't know , we 'll have to wait and see . I don 't breath so good in this heat . Plus , the ice cream melts before we get home . Lately , early mornings and late evenings seem to be the best time to sit out on the porch . Maybe once I have a fan out on the porch , I can sit out in the afternoon . SIL Eddie said he will come by when he can and put in an outlet so that I can plug in the fan . Yesterday , while sitting out on the porch , I took a photo of part of the view from my rocking chair . I must say , it really is pretty . Today , I have an appointment to speak with a person about solar energy . I 'm not buying anything yet , but I thought I should look into it . It will be interesting to see how expensive it is to have the solar panels installed . I know there are companies that don 't charge for the installation , but I haven 't found them yet . I just looked up the weather forecast for the next ten days , and we 're not due for a break in these wicked high temps for a whole week . Then , we 'll finally have a chance for a bit of rain for a day or two . Mind you , I said we have a chance . That does not mean that the rain will actually happen . But gosh , I hope it does . I pulled a photo from my archives to share with you . This photo was taken four years ago today on my way to work . The cows were out in the field not far from the road , so I stopped to take some photos . This was at a dairy farm where they make the greatest ice cream . There was another interesting article in the newspaper yesterday . The headline to this story reads : " Court finds Texas voter ID law discriminatory . " Texas passed a law requiring an ID in order to vote . This was intended to cut down a lot of illegal voting . However , Mr . O in the White House claimed that it discriminated against black and Latino voters as well as low income residents , who face more difficulties obtaining the approved forms of identification ( photo ID ) . Another challenger to the law said that " No American should ever lose their right to vote just because they don 't have a photo ID . " Forgive my stupidity , but this law was not preventing any Americans from obtaining an ID and voting . It was to prevent illegals from voting . Texas U . S . Rep Joaquin Castro , a Democrat , tweeted : " The . . . . . ID law was nothing more than a political point - shaving strategy by Republicans to win elections by depressing turnout . " ( newspaper is : Boston Herald 7 - 21 - 16 ) To me , this sounds like the Democrats really need the illegal votes to help their cause . Why are they afraid of requiring a photo ID to prove that you are an American in order to vote ? This type of governing really offends me and my beliefs . As for the voter fraud , it is very real and widespread . When a community takes in more votes than it has residents , then something is really fishy . When there is a small cluster of voters all squished together into the voting booth , this too is rather fishy . When there are names listed on the voter sheets of people who do not even live in the town , you have another fishy situation . I 've seen some of this for myself , so I know it exists . If we can 't count on our government to keep the voting honest , then we need to think about changing the people doing the governing . Well , that 's my rant for today . ( One more reason why I don 't believe in the party system . I 'd rather be free to make my own choice , and yes , I do have a photo ID . ) Good morning . Good news ! ! ! It was nice and cool last night , and I slept ! ! It felt so good , I did not want to get up this morning . My little guy let me stay in bed until almost ten o ' clock . But then I started feeling guilty . So I got up to make him some breakfast and give him his meds . Yesterday , Pogo had his doctor visit , and now he has his new rabies tag . He weighed in at five and a half pounds , and aside from the itch he is very healthy . The doctor checked him over , and prescribed an antibiotic for his itch . If that doesn 't help , she will try another medicine . While we were waiting to pay the bill , Pogo made friends with two little girls and their mother . It does not matter where we go , people always come over to see and pet Pogo . And of course , Pogo just loves it . Sometimes , folks ask if they can take his photo to share with their friends and family . Yesterday his doctor even asked if she could take his photo . My little guy could be a super star ! A while ago , I found a beautiful image on the web , and borrowed it to share here . I don 't know who took the photo , but it is just gorgeous . I would love to get a shot like this . I read an article in our newspaper ( The Boston Herald ) about our governor , Charlie Baker , declining to dedicating the Zakim Bridge 's blue lighting to slain police officers . I 'm not questioning his decision , but one of his reasons does bother me . He said " I think choosing sides in this conversation is a bad idea . I think the best thing we can do , and the thing that we all ought to do , is to remember that everybody is somebody 's son or daughter , and to start there . " The bridge 's default color is blue , but it is frequently lit up in a different color for other people or events . I have a problem with his choice of words . ie . . . choosing sides is a bad idea . Maybe I 'm missing something here , but what does " choosing sides " mean ? To me , there is no choosing . Either we support the men and women who are trying to protect us , or we don 't . This makes me wonder if Mr . Baker is a solid Democrat and does not want to offend Mr . O who would not light the White House in blue to show support for our law enforcement officers . If these politicians cannot show respect for our police men and women , then why do they need to have several armed guards go everywhere with them to keep them safe ? Maybe they should all be replaced by someone who does care ? Between the killings and the flag burnings , I 'm becoming very disillusioned with the way our government responds in our defense . People who kill and / or burn our flag should be punished . No questions about it . I don 't care who is offended or whose feelings are hurt . If you intentionally kill someone or burn the American Flag , you should be in jail . Okay , enough of my little rant . Some days , I just have to get things off my mind . ( I am neither republican nor democrat . I believe in voting for the person I feel is best for the job , regardless of their party affiliation . ) Today I have a new quick page for you . This one might be appropriate for photos of loved ones that we 've lost . Here is your download link : Remember I mentioned a while ago that I ordered two new chairs for the porch ? Well they arrived yesterday . When Joe came home from work , he said he would assemble them for me . Oh my , if you ever want to learn some of the seedier words in the English language , give a person one of these rocking chairs to assemble . I finally produced a catalogue photo of the chair so that Joe could see what it should look like . I have to admit that the instructions that came with the chair were not easily understood . However , after a respectable amount of time , Joe had finished one of the chairs . Yeah ! ! He said he will try to assemble the other one today or tomorrow . I can live with that . Here 's a photo of the one that is finished . Good morning . Oh my , I asked for a nice cool night and that 's exactly what I got last night . It was the perfect night for sleeping . Alas , I did not sleep very well . My breathing has not been so good , and I seem to be using the oxygen more often . Today is supposed to be in the mid to upper 80 's , and then for the next six days we are looking at temps in the 90 's . Oh joy ! To make matters worse , several storms have come close by but they have all missed us . We really need some rain . Not a flood , mind you . But our water levels are going down . Yesterday , Kevin , Pogo and I went to visit Aunt Lucy . She is such a fun person , and we all had a great time . Aunt Lucy just loves Kevin . Especially when she learned that he would like be to a state trooper one day after college and the military . One of her sons was a state trooper , so this really made her smile . A couple days ago , I got a lovely surprise in my email . My friend Beth made this beautiful scrap page of Pogo enjoying an afternoon on the porch . Beth , thank you so much . I love it . Have you ever had a moment where you forgot how to spell a word , or even worse , forgot the word you want to use ? One way around this problem , is to change your whole sentence to use other words . According to my book " The Ultimate Women 's Guide to Beating Disease " , I need to eat more chocolate . Chocolate helps you feel sharper , more relaxed and just plain happier . Also , I need to pick up some sage oil . One hour after people took a supplement of sage oil , they had better memory , more focused attention , and more alertness . Even just sniffing sage helps to give you a better memory . ( Book written and published by Bottom Line Health 2016 ) Now I 'm going to see if I can squeeze in a little nap before it 's time for us to leave . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . It 's only 8 : 30 a . m . and it 's 75F degrees . Today is supposed to only get up to 80 or the low 80 's . That would be a nice break . Now if we could just have a few cool nights so that I could get more than thirty minute snatches of sleep at a time . This would be super nice . This will have to be a short post because in a little while my grandson Kevin will be here to pick Pogo and me up . We 're going to visit Aunt Lucy . I had thought we might go craft shopping this morning , but Auntie has to hang around the house today . So , we 'll go another day . I think I 'll bring my tablet with us today . Aunt Lucy does not want anything to do with computers or smart phones , but I thought maybe a tablet wouldn 't feel so intimidating . It would be a nice way to share photos and such . I 'll have to see what she thinks about my tablet . Today I have more photos from my gardens . This first photo is a close up of the flowers on the Citron plant . The second photo is seed pods , and the third photo is the red Knock Out roses . I promise I 'll chat a bit longer tomorrow . Now , I have about thirty minutes to get dressed and ready to leave . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . Today 's a big birthday way up yonder . Here 's hoping the guys are enjoying a lobster dinner . That 's what I cooked for them every year on their special day . Two big lobsters each , corn on the cob , potato salad , garden salad , and whatever they wanted for dessert . Mmmm , memories . Today will be another scorcher . It 's going to be like this at least until the beginning of August . That 's according to the weather forecast . It doesn 't look like we 'll be getting very much ( if any ) rain during this time either . We 're in sort of a drought situation . We really do need some rain . It 's even warm all through the night . I guess the trick is to get as much sleep as you can during the day , and then do as much as you can throughout the night when the temps aren 't as hot . Of course , if you work days , then this won 't help you . Today I have some cute photos of one of our squirrels to share with you . I took these photos a few days ago . We still have the dumpster in our yard , and this little squirrel has found some interesting things in it . His treasure has writing on it , and it looks like he is reading it . In the end , he decided to take it home with him . I watched as he jumped down off the dumpster with his treasure in his mouth , and went running off towards his home . Enjoy little fellow ! Today I have two appointments very close together , so I 'm going to have to call and cancel one of them . Gosh , I go from days with nothing happening to " overfull " days . Ah well , at least I 'm lucky enough to have all these days . Tomorrow I 'm hoping to spend some time with Aunt Lucy , and on Wednesday Pogo has a doctor appointment to get his rabies shot . I 'll see if she can give us something to take away Pogo 's itch . After that , the rest of the week should be rather quiet . I think . Well that 's my news for today . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a magnificent day . Good morning . Gosh , I 've been up since 4 a . m . and now I 'm getting tired . It was warm and sticky all night , so sleep came in batches . This morning , I 've put the A / C on for a while just to get some of the sticky out of the air . Yesterday was quiet around here . Pogo and I sat out on the porch for a few hours . I have to say that we are loving our new porch . Pogo sat here on the love seat most of the time . He didn 't even care when I would leave to go in the house for something . He was just loving his new space . Today I think I 'll do a load of laundry . Maybe I 'll do one with Pogo 's blankets too . Then tomorrow morning , I have to call and try to reschedule an appointment . I have too many things to do tomorrow and some of them overlap their times . It 's looking like it just might rain today . It 's been gray outside , but who knows ? It could all change in a couple of hours . Either way , it 's okay . The gardens wouldn 't mind a bit of rain . If I don 't fall asleep when I sit down in my lounge chair , I might even read a book . I have lots of new ones on my tablet just waiting to be read . Somehow though , I 'm thinking that sleep might win over the books . My eyelids are having trouble staying open . lol . Maybe I should just give in and go have me a nap . Oh yeah , sounds like an awesome plan . Good morning . My goodness , have you noticed that July is already half over ? It 's going too quickly for my taste . So isn 't the morning . I 've been up for hours doing goodness knows what , and I haven 't really accomplished anything . So what else is new ? ? Cliff is back today doing a few things around here for me . I did not know it until a couple hours ago , but today is his birthday . I 'd have had him come by another day . I 'm wishing you a Happy Birthday Cliff , and I hope the rest of your day is really nice . Yesterday afternoon , I put the chairs on the porch just in time for the heavens to open up and treat us to a large dose of rain . It did not last very long though , and then Pogo and I sat out on the porch for a little while . Slowly , Pogo is getting used to the porch . At first , I had to pick him up and carry him out there . Now I just have to hold the door open and he goes out there by himself . Here 's a photo of my little guy sitting on the porch . It 's almost time for Joe to come home from work ( yesterday ) so he stayed right there and waited for Joe . DIL Janet came by after work to pick up her cell phone ( which she had forgotten to take home with her the night before ) , and we sat out on the porch for a bit . Now I definitely know that I want to order two new chairs . The ones that I got just aren 't wide enough to be comfortable . Us gals have sizable hineys . I found an adorable cartoon on the web that I had to share here with you . I seem to have quite a few days like this . Do any of you get the Readers Digest ? This magazine has some great stories , and interesting word lists . Did you know that there are only four root words in the English language that begin with " dw " ? Can you name them ? Go ahead and try . Yesterday , Pogo and I went to the car dealership . My car now has a clean bill of health and a new sticker ; and they washed my car windows for me . This is so very appreciated because I can 't reach the front windshield to wash it . ( both inside and outside ) Good morning . Today will be another warm one , but it is looking to be a bit cloudy . At least at the moment . This is good though , because Pogo and I have to take the car to the dealership for a regular check up and a new safety sticker . On our way home , we have to stop at the hardware store for a tube of clear sealer . Then we will come straight back home . ( Well , maybe we 'll stop at McDonald 's to pick up a burger for Pogo 's lunch ) Last evening , SIL Eddie 's friend Cliff came by to get rid of the hornet nest that is on the new porch . He did a great job , and when he got the whole thing removed , he filled in the space where it was with wood . Today , Cliff is coming by to do a couple more things around here for me . While he is busy doing that , I will start setting things back on the porch . . . chairs , table , potty patch , Pogo 's little bed , etc . Then I will take some new photos . As soon as I get around to picking up the white paint , Joe will paint the wall of the house . ( That 's the part of the house outside wall that is inside the porch . ) Last evening , while DIL Janet was here , I got a package from Amazon . It was the movie that I had ordered ( Torch Song Trilogy ) and the bottle of " itch " shampoo that I had ordered for Pogo . We watched the movie while we ate our supper . It was good to see it again . Around 3 a . m . , Pogo started itching again , so off we went to the bathroom , and I gave him a nice bath with the new shampoo . Plus , I gave him some Benedryl . After that , he was able to sleep for a nice block of hours . When we get home later today , I 'll give him another bath with the new shampoo . I have absolutely no idea what he is allergic to . I found this cute image on the web and thought I 'd like to share it with you . Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go right ? This is sort of how I felt once the porch was finished , and then we found the hornet nest . Ah , but all is much better now . That 's about all the news for this morning . Some days it 's pretty quiet around here . But that is good . Pogo and I are too old for constant excitement . Would you believe , on his next birthday , Pogo and I will both be 77 . Where has all the time gone ? Good morning . It 's a bright sunny day , and I do believe it 's going to be hot , hot , hot . Well , guess what ? Yup , yup , yup ! ! The porch is finished ! Yeaaaaaaah ! ! But I can 't use it for a bit . What ? Are you kidding me ? Groan , groan . How we all did not notice this , I don 't know , but there is a hornet nest in the cornice over the window ( on the house inside the screened part of the porch ) Now I don 't know about you , but I 'm not so happy about sharing my beautiful new porch with hornets ! Last evening after supper , Joe filled the nest with hornet spray . It killed a few , but there are still a few hornets that won 't leave the porch . We 'll probably have to remove the cornice altogether . I 'll see if Joe will do that soon . Like tonight ! ! Oh gosh , I hope so . Here are some photos of the finished project . Before leaving , the workers found a good place for my flag , and put it up for me . They even built a really nice gate that is Pogo proof . We hope ! Now Pogo can run around the whole porch . He 'll probably want to stay out there all day . Next , they put in a couple hanger hooks so that I could put up the hanging plants . One inside the screened area , and one near Pogo 's door . Lately , I 've been looking around for an old movie that I really enjoyed and would like to watch again . Last evening , I found it on Amazon , so I ordered it . It 's called Torch Song Trilogy . So guess what I 'll be doing Friday evening ? Yup , you guessed it ! If you like movies with a lot of human emotions and feelings , give this one a try . Today , I 'll be staying off my feet a lot . My left foot and lower back have been acting up again . Last night , I finally dug out the pain pills so that I could get some sleep . Pogo woke me up around 4 a . m . with his scratching . I 'm not sure what they used at the salon for shampoo , but he has been itching since he came home with his new hair cut . So , after brushing him and giving him some Benedryl , I put him in his bathtub ( the new bathroom sink ) and gave him a bath with his medicated shampoo . Then we sat on the sofa while I towel dried him . Of course , that meant we had to play a while too . It was close to six a . m . before we both nodded off to sleep again . Needless to say , my eyes are a tad bit droopy this morning . So I 'm going to treat myself to a nice nap in a little while . Pogo is already sleeping . Well , that 's my news for this morning . Now I 'm going to head over to my comfy lounge chair and let my eyelids droop shut . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's early , so it 's still pretty cool outside . The sun hasn 't even woke up yet . Ah , but in a few hours , the temps will be in the mid 80 's . So , I 'm enjoying the morning coolness while it 's here . Ah , as I speak , the sun is just now peeking over the treetops . In a little while , the work crew will be here again . Yesterday , they did accomplish quite a bit . Most all the roof shingles are on , and a lot of the screening is on . The door to the screened in area is also installed , and a cement step was poured . There 's still plenty to keep them busy , but I 'm hoping that they finish it today . If not , one more day won 't hurt me . Here 's a photo of the crew working , and a shot of the screen door . The door has a pet screen on the bottom half so that pets can 't scratch it and tear the screen . Rather thoughtful . While I was checking some of the potted plants , I noticed that the yellow lilies are spreading . Instead of the one or two that I thought we had , there are a couple of big clumps . Woo Hoo ! This is good ! They are such a happy color . I think today will be a rather quiet lazy day for Pogo and me . Aside from washing a few dishes and maybe running the vacuum a bit , we don 't have any plans for today . Watching the crew work keeps us pretty busy . Speaking of the work crew , they have just arrived . I need to get out there , because I have a couple questions for them . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's starting out gray again , but oh my , the temperature feels sooooo good ! It 's 60F degrees at the moment , but will soon be up around the mid 70 's . I just went outside and moved my car because the contractors should be here in just a little while . I think . The last two times they were here , they showed up at 7 and 7 : 15 a . m . I 'm hoping they show up at 7 today . I 'd really like to get this porch finished . We used to have two great big butterfly bushes in the garden on the other side of the house , but the winter with the heavy snows kind of destroyed them . We lost one all together , and cut the other one way down to try to save it . Last year , it didn 't look too good , but now it is beginning to grow . I don 't know yet what color this one is . Also , the new white rose bush is covered with lots of beautiful new blooms . This one is planted in the garden near the shed . Gosh , it is just so pretty ! Last evening after supper , Joe helped me take everything off the porch and put it all in my car 's trunk . For some reason , Pogo 's play yard did not want to cooperate , but after about twenty minutes of trying , Joe finally got it to close up . ( men don 't like to look at the instructions ) Later I decided to crochet for a while , and golly gee , I found a mistake two rows back . So now I had to unravel those two rows , fix the mistake , and then put the rows back on before I could start any new rows . This sort of takes all the fun out of the crocheting . However , I did manage to get a couple new rows on before setting it aside . This afternoon after the work crew leaves for the day , Pogo and I have to go to the Post Office and the bank . We have a birthday box to mail , and the bills are wanting to be paid . One birthday is for daughter Audrey 's friend , Miss Bea , whose birthday is today . Pogo and I wish you a beautiful day and a happy birthday , Miss Bea . The other birthday is belated . Granddaughter Andi ( Audrey 's daughter ) had a birthday a few days ago . Pogo and I are sending you belated best wishes Andi , and I hope your birthday was beautiful . As I sit here typing , the big truck just rolled in with the work crew . Woo Hoo ! ! It 's looking like it might rain , but I hope it holds off until the work is finished . On my next trip out shopping , I think I 'll have to look for a new chair for the porch . The ones I bought are comfy , but a tad on the narrow side . My tushi isn 't quite as teeny tiny as it used to be . ( Haha . Actually , it is rather plump ! ) I would be more comfortable in a chair with a bit more room for the seat . I have a new photo to share that daughter Deanne sent to me . These are my beautiful girls , Jazzy and Janicee , at the local fair . Just two of my many blessings . Now I think I should go get dressed so that I can go outside and see what the guys are doing . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . |
Good morning . Shhh , I can 't say this very loud because I don 't want to jinx anything , but Pogo is just now finishing up a plate of doggie food for breakfast . He also had some last evening for a snack . My goodness , will wonders never cease ! ! Well , sometime early yesterday morning , we got a few more drops of precipitation . I 'm not sure when it got here or how it snuck by my door because I never saw or heard it . Pogo and I were up all night and we never saw it . Unless it quickly ran by us in the morning when I was napping . Pogo seems to be handling his meds a little better . Oh , he still fights me all the way , but at least he has stopped spitting it out all over me . Yesterday , I missed one of his meds , I guess because my brain wasn 't quite awake . However , this morning we are back on track . SIL Eddie came by yesterday on his way home from work just to say hello and sit and chat for a little while . I don 't get to see him as much now because the union called him back to work , and he has to work six days a week . So , yesterday 's visit was a nice surprise . This morning , in a little while , Joe and I will go do some grocery shopping before it gets really hot outside . I have to remember to take my insulated bag with me so that I can get some ice cream . This is the season for ice cream , but it is difficult to get it home from the market in an edible state . I 'm not into soupy ice cream . I have some cute photos to share that I took a couple days ago . Now that I have the porch , my little critter friends come up to sit on the railing sometimes . One of our squirrels thought it might be safe to eat his snack there . These photos were taken through the screen and window of the door . There 's not much news this morning , so I think I should go get dressed . We 'll be leaving soon to do the grocery shopping . Also , have you been noticing the calendar ? We are just about all out of this month . When I come back on Monday it will be a new month . So , till August , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's almost 6 : 30 a . m . and I haven 't been to sleep yet . No , I 'm not sick or anything like that . And the temps were cool enough for a nice sleep . It 's sort of a long story . As you know , Pogo had to go to the hospital last evening to see his doctor again . This was not Pogo 's favorite place to be and the A / C was on so the air was cool . The metal examining table was also cold , and as soon as the doctor walked into the room , Pogo had a bad case of the juicy squirties . I put him in the little sink to clean him off while the doctor had the task of cleaning off the examining table . Phew ! Not the nicest smelling stuff . After examining Pogo , his doctor said that Pogo has an extreme allergy to fleas and that was the problem . Somehow , somewhere , Pogo had picked up fleas and they were doing a real nasty number on him . He was treated right away to kill anything that might be on his body , then he had a steroid to help stop the itch . Next came another medicine , but this one was in pill form . Pogo does not do pills , so I let the doctor try to give it to him . It wasn 't easy , but all of a sudden the assistant yelled " Stop ! He 's turning blue . " Now my heart jumped up into my throat . After checking Pogo again to make sure he was okay , the doctor decided to try a different medicine . Alas , this was also in pill form . This time the assistant tried to give it to Pogo , and again they had to stop because he started turning blue again . By now , my poor little doggie was shaking and begging for me to pick him up and hold him . So I did just that . Next the he had to have another medicine , and the doctor treated him with Simple Guard 3 to help keep him safe from fleas . I already put Revolution on him once a month , but now he will have to have both treatments every month . Last night it was the Simple Guard 3 , and in two weeks it will be Revolution . We will continue on this way , alternating the meds every two weeks . The doctor and I took turns combing Pogo 's fur until everything looked pretty free of the pesky fleas . His doctor felt pretty sure that his new med regime would take care of the flea problem and that it wouldn 't be long before he would stop itching and be comfortable again . Gosh , I sure hope so . When we got in the car to go home , I told Pogo that he might have to think about applying for Medicaid to pay for all his meds and doctor visits . He didn 't have anything to say on this subject . On the way home , I stopped at McDonalds to get us some supper . It was too late to have to cook . We got our food and headed for home . Oh no ! Something doesn 't smell so good . Really ? Oh Pogo , not all over my front seat ! ! ! Yup , it was all over the passenger seat , and he danced all through it ( trying to get away from it ) as I frantically drove the car home . Once we got in the driveway , I beeped the horn and Joe came out . He held Pogo while I opened my doors and then I took Pogo into the house to the bathroom for a bath . Meanwhile , Joe offered to clean the mess in my car . God bless him . Before I set Pogo down , I sprayed and covered the sofa with nice clean bath towels . While he rested a bit on the sofa , I started spraying the carpet and his furniture , etc , and put a load of his blankets in the washer . Do you suppose I could sit down now for a bit to catch my breath ? Oh no , thank goodness I covered the sofa with big towels because here we go again with the squirties . ( I really need a break ! ! ) As I rushed around trying to keep up with everything , I slipped and started to fall , but I put out my arm to break the fall . It worked , however , my arm doesn 't exactly look so very happy now . It 's getting fat in spots and turning some nasty colors . But I still love my Pogo . Honest , I do ! ! Another quickie bath , and more nice clean towels ( the sofa cushions are covered with large black trash bags ) and it was now time for us to eat . Thank goodness I got take out because there was no way I was in any mood to cook . Pogo gobbled up all of his double hamburger , and settled in for a nap . So why didn 't I get any sleep ? Because he sleeps all night snuggled up against my side and leg . If I fell asleep I wouldn 't be able to jump up quick enough to avoid getting covered if Pogo had another bout of the squirties . . So I watched TV , and a couple times we both went out on the porch to cool off for a little while . Dwarf Helen has to go out this morning to do an errand so she will pick up the birdseed that I need ( so that I won 't have to go out ) and I will have me a nice nap after she gets back from the store . So , now aren 't you glad you stopped by ? Here 's a photo of Pogo resting after he filled his tummy with all that tasty hamburger . There 's a fan blowing lightly on him and he is enjoying it . He looks kind of big here , but he 's not . He 's stretched over the footrest on the lounge chair . I have another image to share with you . I found this really awesome tee shirt on the web and I just had to post it here . These are my sentiments exactly ! ! I had a couple more photos to share , but they will have to wait until tomorrow . My eyes are starting to feel rather scratchy and the eyelids keep trying to close . I need to get up and walk around a bit so I don 't fall asleep before Dwarf Helen gets back with the birdseed . I will post again tomorrow instead of on Sunday because I have to leave Sunday morning for an all day class on how to shoot and clean guns . This should be a fun class , although many many moons have gone by since I used to practice shooting at the gun club . I was young and strong back then . Now I 'm not so strong and the guns weigh more than me almost . ( just kidding ) Good morning . So far , it has been a very frustrating morning . I started typing my post , then had to take a break to try to correct a problem with my wi - fi service . I eventually got that fixed ( to a point ) and came back to finish my post . Sad to say , Blogger is in a feisty mood and would not let me type anything recognizable . I had to erase the whole post and start over . Please don 't tell me that this is going to be one of those " Murphy 's Law " days ! I have Comcast cable , and my wi - fi sucks ! Big time ! However , I 've discovered that if I shut it off ( on my cell phone ) and use the Verizon wi - fi , I 'm okay . If that 's the case , why am I paying all this money to Comcast ? ? ? ? ? This morning he is still in the doghouse , and wants nothing to do with me . I wonder if it 's because I put a tee shirt on him to make it more difficult to scratch himself . Anyway , I finally picked up the dog house and put it on the sofa with me and literally had to dump Pogo out of it ! ! Here 's a photo of him hiding inside the dog house . I used the flash so that we could see him . Oh boy , wait till he discovers that he has another doctor appointment later this evening ! ! He 'll really be mad at me . This morning I ordered a bottle of fish oil to add to his food , and a bottle of Aloe Vera Gel for his skin . I also ordered a couple items to put away for Christmas . I 'm really hoping that soon we 'll be able to get to the bottom of Pogo 's nasty itch and get rid of it . Nothing in his life these past few years has changed . He is loved and spoiled every day , he eats only the best foods ( he 's very picky ) and he gets whatever he wants . So what else can I do ? I 'm beginning to feel like a neglectful mama . Okay , so on a lighter note , I 've dug out a few fun photos from my archives to share with you . I took these at our local park . This is one happy little duck who sure knows how to keep cool ! Good morning . Yikes ! It 's only mid morning and temps are already in the mid 80 's , and headed for the low 90 's . I am positively wilting ! Thank goodness for the air conditioning . Well , last evening , daughter Deanne and I went to our class on Basic Firearm Safety . There was quite a good mix of folks in the class , men and women , young and old . The instructor was very knowledgeable , and the class was very educational . Towards the end of the class , we all had a chance to hold and properly unload a revolver , a rifle and a shotgun . This was very enlightening , and at the end of the class everyone received a " Basic Firearms Safety Certificate . " The next class will be this coming Sunday where we will learn more about how to properly handle and shoot a gun . This should be another interesting and educational day . To change the subject , did you know that there are laws as to how long you can legally leave your car engine running ? In Massachusetts , a car cannot be idling more than five minutes unless it is being serviced or it is being used to deliver or accept goods where engine assisted power is necessary . If someone is caught , they can be levied with a $ 100 fine for the first offense and up to $ 500 for subsequent offenses . Hmmm , I don 't think I ever heard of anyone being fined for this offense , have you ? ( click on the image to see a bigger view ) As you all know , Pogo has developed an awful itch , and it has been driving him crazy . Me too , for that matter . I give him special baths , Benedryl and an antiobiotic , but we haven 't been able to lose the itch . I may have to take him back to the doctor for more tests . The poor little guy gets so frustrated hearing me constantly telling him to " stop that " scratching . There is another medicine that we can try , but it is a pill that you have to push down the doggie 's throat and I can 't do that . The medicine does not come in liquid form , so I think I 'll ask the doctor if it can be given by shot . Pogo wouldn 't be too happy , but we really do need to get rid of the cause of the itch . Here 's a photo of Pogo grabbing a little nap after taking some Benedryl . Gosh , I feel so bad for him . He doesn 't like the medicines , and can 't understand why I keep giving it to him . He does spit some of the medicine out which . of course , makes him quite sticky . But then , that 's a good reason for a nice cooling bath and a rub down with a big fluffy towel . Today I have a new quick page for you . This one features a very happy Lola , who is practicing her dance steps with a friend . I hope you can use it . Well , that 's my news for this morning . I got a late start today , and now I need to get a few things done around the house . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's another beautiful morning that is going to be a real scorcher in a few more hours . For some reason though , the nights have been cool , which I 'm very thankful for . It 's 96F in the daytime and 66F during the night . That 's a big , but hugely appreciated , drop in temperature . Yesterday I managed to do a couple loads of laundry . Hopefully , today I can do another load , this time with the towels . I 've been trying to launder all of Pogo 's blankets to help keep his " itchies " down . In between loads of laundry , I spent some time going through stacks of magazines . Once I removed my ID from them , they could be put in the recycle barrel . Late yesterday afternoon , I got a friend request from someone on Facebook that was such a wonderful surprise . When my kids were young , I took in some exchange students . One boy in particular , Ulf , was from Sweden and stayed with us for the whole school year . We stayed close for a few years , but then somehow drifted apart . I haven 't seen or heard from him for so many years . Until I got this friend request from him . Wowee ! ! I downloaded a couple photos of him to share . This first photo is Ulf and his dog , and it 's what he looked like shortly after he graduated from High School . He attended our high school with my daughter Audrey ( for his senior year ) . And this is a photo of him today . Gosh , it 's so good to catch up with him again . It 's almost like finding a missing relative . Wow , the wonders of the internet ! ! ! I 'm so glad you 're back in our life , Ulf . I 've missed you . Today maybe I 'll spend some time with the shredder . Goodness knows , I have lots to shred . Then this afternoon I 'll try to have a little nap . I need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for my class this evening . Tonight , Deanne and I are attending the first of two classes for gun safety . She wanted this for her birthday , so that 's what we 're doing . I just hope the building where the class is held is air conditioned . I have another photo to share . DIL Janet took this photo of her sleeping kitties . Aren 't they just the cutest ? Well , that 's my news for this morning . Now it 's time to see what sort of mischief I can get into today . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Tis another beautiful day here , and yes , another scorcher . If we didn 't have to go out this morning , Pogo and I would go back to bed and sleep for another hour or two . It felt good to get some sleep during the night and we 'd like some more . ( greedy , huh ? ) This morning , we have to go to the bank , and then to McDonalds to get me some iced coffee . After that , I 'll do some laundry and make a bowl of tuna salad . Well at least that 's the plan . Hmmm , this is strange . I just dozed off for fifteen minutes . Maybe I 'll have a nap and go to the bank tomorrow . Sad to say , now that we have this nice porch to sit out on , it 's too hot to sit out . Poor little Pogo sits by the door and wants so badly to go out on the porch . So after a while , I let him go out there , only to have him come back in just a couple minutes . Ah well , we did go out there during the night for a few minutes . The cool air felt good . Here 's an interesting picture that I found on the web and thought I would share . It 's quite a unique way to make a shady spot for lunch . Materials used are PVC pipes and shower curtains . Now that I 've decided that we 'll go to the bank tomorrow , I think I 'll put in a load of laundry and catch me a little nap . This heat makes me very tired . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Here in New England it is hot , hot , hot ! I realize other parts of the country are hotter than we are , but to us , this is very hot . Temps in the 90 's every day . The only saving factor has been the coolness of the last couple of nights . We had storm warnings a couple evenings ago . Rain , damaging winds and hail were forecast as being headed our way , along with thunder and lightning . Well , the thunder and lightning showed up for a while , along with about 57 extremely misty teeny rain drops . Make that 59 . A couple of the drops hit the car and split in two . Then the storm moved further south . As for sleep , well I 've been taking advantage of little naps whenever they happen . Early yesterday morning , while it was still cool enough to walk and breathe comfortably , Joe and I went to Walmart to do our grocery shopping . I guess a lot of other folks had the same idea because there were a lot of shoppers there . In the afternoon , I managed to do a couple loads of laundry , towels and such . But that was the extent of my ambition for the day . I did cook supper for Pogo . For myself , I nuked a frozen dinner . I don 't have much of an appetite in this heat . I dug into my archives for a couple photos that might help cool us off for a little bit . These photos were taken four years ago in December . What 's really amazing is that in December of 2012 , there were more roses blooming on the pink rose tree than we 've had all of this year . Go figure . Pogo and I are staying ahead of the heat as best we can . Every now and then I put the A / C on for a while to cool the room down , and we have a couple fans moving the air around . I would love to keep the door open with the window pane up all through the night when it is really cool , but that is not really feasible . ( for safety reasons ) At four thirty this morning , I got up and made breakfast for Pogo and me while it was nice and cool . In a little while , I 'll take a look to see what 's for lunch . Maybe I 'll have a bowl of cereal . Mmmm , that sounds cool and yummy . I have ice cream and milk . Maybe I 'll make a milkshake . Oooooh , I 'm making my mouth water ! I think I should stop typing right now before I gain a few more pounds . haha . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a wonderful day . Good morning . Tis a beautiful , but sweltering , day here in New England . Today is supposed to get up into the mid to upper 90 's . Too darn hot for me . Right now , it hasn 't reached 80 yet , and there is a nice breeze . Pretty soon though , we 'll have to close the window on the door to keep out some of the heat . Joe and I are supposed to go grocery shopping later this afternoon , but we may have to wait until after supper till it cools off a bit . I don 't know , we 'll have to wait and see . I don 't breath so good in this heat . Plus , the ice cream melts before we get home . Lately , early mornings and late evenings seem to be the best time to sit out on the porch . Maybe once I have a fan out on the porch , I can sit out in the afternoon . SIL Eddie said he will come by when he can and put in an outlet so that I can plug in the fan . Yesterday , while sitting out on the porch , I took a photo of part of the view from my rocking chair . I must say , it really is pretty . Today , I have an appointment to speak with a person about solar energy . I 'm not buying anything yet , but I thought I should look into it . It will be interesting to see how expensive it is to have the solar panels installed . I know there are companies that don 't charge for the installation , but I haven 't found them yet . I just looked up the weather forecast for the next ten days , and we 're not due for a break in these wicked high temps for a whole week . Then , we 'll finally have a chance for a bit of rain for a day or two . Mind you , I said we have a chance . That does not mean that the rain will actually happen . But gosh , I hope it does . I pulled a photo from my archives to share with you . This photo was taken four years ago today on my way to work . The cows were out in the field not far from the road , so I stopped to take some photos . This was at a dairy farm where they make the greatest ice cream . There was another interesting article in the newspaper yesterday . The headline to this story reads : " Court finds Texas voter ID law discriminatory . " Texas passed a law requiring an ID in order to vote . This was intended to cut down a lot of illegal voting . However , Mr . O in the White House claimed that it discriminated against black and Latino voters as well as low income residents , who face more difficulties obtaining the approved forms of identification ( photo ID ) . Another challenger to the law said that " No American should ever lose their right to vote just because they don 't have a photo ID . " Forgive my stupidity , but this law was not preventing any Americans from obtaining an ID and voting . It was to prevent illegals from voting . Texas U . S . Rep Joaquin Castro , a Democrat , tweeted : " The . . . . . ID law was nothing more than a political point - shaving strategy by Republicans to win elections by depressing turnout . " ( newspaper is : Boston Herald 7 - 21 - 16 ) To me , this sounds like the Democrats really need the illegal votes to help their cause . Why are they afraid of requiring a photo ID to prove that you are an American in order to vote ? This type of governing really offends me and my beliefs . As for the voter fraud , it is very real and widespread . When a community takes in more votes than it has residents , then something is really fishy . When there is a small cluster of voters all squished together into the voting booth , this too is rather fishy . When there are names listed on the voter sheets of people who do not even live in the town , you have another fishy situation . I 've seen some of this for myself , so I know it exists . If we can 't count on our government to keep the voting honest , then we need to think about changing the people doing the governing . Well , that 's my rant for today . ( One more reason why I don 't believe in the party system . I 'd rather be free to make my own choice , and yes , I do have a photo ID . ) Good morning . Good news ! ! ! It was nice and cool last night , and I slept ! ! It felt so good , I did not want to get up this morning . My little guy let me stay in bed until almost ten o ' clock . But then I started feeling guilty . So I got up to make him some breakfast and give him his meds . Yesterday , Pogo had his doctor visit , and now he has his new rabies tag . He weighed in at five and a half pounds , and aside from the itch he is very healthy . The doctor checked him over , and prescribed an antibiotic for his itch . If that doesn 't help , she will try another medicine . While we were waiting to pay the bill , Pogo made friends with two little girls and their mother . It does not matter where we go , people always come over to see and pet Pogo . And of course , Pogo just loves it . Sometimes , folks ask if they can take his photo to share with their friends and family . Yesterday his doctor even asked if she could take his photo . My little guy could be a super star ! A while ago , I found a beautiful image on the web , and borrowed it to share here . I don 't know who took the photo , but it is just gorgeous . I would love to get a shot like this . I read an article in our newspaper ( The Boston Herald ) about our governor , Charlie Baker , declining to dedicating the Zakim Bridge 's blue lighting to slain police officers . I 'm not questioning his decision , but one of his reasons does bother me . He said " I think choosing sides in this conversation is a bad idea . I think the best thing we can do , and the thing that we all ought to do , is to remember that everybody is somebody 's son or daughter , and to start there . " The bridge 's default color is blue , but it is frequently lit up in a different color for other people or events . I have a problem with his choice of words . ie . . . choosing sides is a bad idea . Maybe I 'm missing something here , but what does " choosing sides " mean ? To me , there is no choosing . Either we support the men and women who are trying to protect us , or we don 't . This makes me wonder if Mr . Baker is a solid Democrat and does not want to offend Mr . O who would not light the White House in blue to show support for our law enforcement officers . If these politicians cannot show respect for our police men and women , then why do they need to have several armed guards go everywhere with them to keep them safe ? Maybe they should all be replaced by someone who does care ? Between the killings and the flag burnings , I 'm becoming very disillusioned with the way our government responds in our defense . People who kill and / or burn our flag should be punished . No questions about it . I don 't care who is offended or whose feelings are hurt . If you intentionally kill someone or burn the American Flag , you should be in jail . Okay , enough of my little rant . Some days , I just have to get things off my mind . ( I am neither republican nor democrat . I believe in voting for the person I feel is best for the job , regardless of their party affiliation . ) Today I have a new quick page for you . This one might be appropriate for photos of loved ones that we 've lost . Here is your download link : Remember I mentioned a while ago that I ordered two new chairs for the porch ? Well they arrived yesterday . When Joe came home from work , he said he would assemble them for me . Oh my , if you ever want to learn some of the seedier words in the English language , give a person one of these rocking chairs to assemble . I finally produced a catalogue photo of the chair so that Joe could see what it should look like . I have to admit that the instructions that came with the chair were not easily understood . However , after a respectable amount of time , Joe had finished one of the chairs . Yeah ! ! He said he will try to assemble the other one today or tomorrow . I can live with that . Here 's a photo of the one that is finished . Good morning . Oh my , I asked for a nice cool night and that 's exactly what I got last night . It was the perfect night for sleeping . Alas , I did not sleep very well . My breathing has not been so good , and I seem to be using the oxygen more often . Today is supposed to be in the mid to upper 80 's , and then for the next six days we are looking at temps in the 90 's . Oh joy ! To make matters worse , several storms have come close by but they have all missed us . We really need some rain . Not a flood , mind you . But our water levels are going down . Yesterday , Kevin , Pogo and I went to visit Aunt Lucy . She is such a fun person , and we all had a great time . Aunt Lucy just loves Kevin . Especially when she learned that he would like be to a state trooper one day after college and the military . One of her sons was a state trooper , so this really made her smile . A couple days ago , I got a lovely surprise in my email . My friend Beth made this beautiful scrap page of Pogo enjoying an afternoon on the porch . Beth , thank you so much . I love it . Have you ever had a moment where you forgot how to spell a word , or even worse , forgot the word you want to use ? One way around this problem , is to change your whole sentence to use other words . According to my book " The Ultimate Women 's Guide to Beating Disease " , I need to eat more chocolate . Chocolate helps you feel sharper , more relaxed and just plain happier . Also , I need to pick up some sage oil . One hour after people took a supplement of sage oil , they had better memory , more focused attention , and more alertness . Even just sniffing sage helps to give you a better memory . ( Book written and published by Bottom Line Health 2016 ) Now I 'm going to see if I can squeeze in a little nap before it 's time for us to leave . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . It 's only 8 : 30 a . m . and it 's 75F degrees . Today is supposed to only get up to 80 or the low 80 's . That would be a nice break . Now if we could just have a few cool nights so that I could get more than thirty minute snatches of sleep at a time . This would be super nice . This will have to be a short post because in a little while my grandson Kevin will be here to pick Pogo and me up . We 're going to visit Aunt Lucy . I had thought we might go craft shopping this morning , but Auntie has to hang around the house today . So , we 'll go another day . I think I 'll bring my tablet with us today . Aunt Lucy does not want anything to do with computers or smart phones , but I thought maybe a tablet wouldn 't feel so intimidating . It would be a nice way to share photos and such . I 'll have to see what she thinks about my tablet . Today I have more photos from my gardens . This first photo is a close up of the flowers on the Citron plant . The second photo is seed pods , and the third photo is the red Knock Out roses . I promise I 'll chat a bit longer tomorrow . Now , I have about thirty minutes to get dressed and ready to leave . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . Today 's a big birthday way up yonder . Here 's hoping the guys are enjoying a lobster dinner . That 's what I cooked for them every year on their special day . Two big lobsters each , corn on the cob , potato salad , garden salad , and whatever they wanted for dessert . Mmmm , memories . Today will be another scorcher . It 's going to be like this at least until the beginning of August . That 's according to the weather forecast . It doesn 't look like we 'll be getting very much ( if any ) rain during this time either . We 're in sort of a drought situation . We really do need some rain . It 's even warm all through the night . I guess the trick is to get as much sleep as you can during the day , and then do as much as you can throughout the night when the temps aren 't as hot . Of course , if you work days , then this won 't help you . Today I have some cute photos of one of our squirrels to share with you . I took these photos a few days ago . We still have the dumpster in our yard , and this little squirrel has found some interesting things in it . His treasure has writing on it , and it looks like he is reading it . In the end , he decided to take it home with him . I watched as he jumped down off the dumpster with his treasure in his mouth , and went running off towards his home . Enjoy little fellow ! Today I have two appointments very close together , so I 'm going to have to call and cancel one of them . Gosh , I go from days with nothing happening to " overfull " days . Ah well , at least I 'm lucky enough to have all these days . Tomorrow I 'm hoping to spend some time with Aunt Lucy , and on Wednesday Pogo has a doctor appointment to get his rabies shot . I 'll see if she can give us something to take away Pogo 's itch . After that , the rest of the week should be rather quiet . I think . Well that 's my news for today . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a magnificent day . Good morning . Gosh , I 've been up since 4 a . m . and now I 'm getting tired . It was warm and sticky all night , so sleep came in batches . This morning , I 've put the A / C on for a while just to get some of the sticky out of the air . Yesterday was quiet around here . Pogo and I sat out on the porch for a few hours . I have to say that we are loving our new porch . Pogo sat here on the love seat most of the time . He didn 't even care when I would leave to go in the house for something . He was just loving his new space . Today I think I 'll do a load of laundry . Maybe I 'll do one with Pogo 's blankets too . Then tomorrow morning , I have to call and try to reschedule an appointment . I have too many things to do tomorrow and some of them overlap their times . It 's looking like it just might rain today . It 's been gray outside , but who knows ? It could all change in a couple of hours . Either way , it 's okay . The gardens wouldn 't mind a bit of rain . If I don 't fall asleep when I sit down in my lounge chair , I might even read a book . I have lots of new ones on my tablet just waiting to be read . Somehow though , I 'm thinking that sleep might win over the books . My eyelids are having trouble staying open . lol . Maybe I should just give in and go have me a nap . Oh yeah , sounds like an awesome plan . Good morning . My goodness , have you noticed that July is already half over ? It 's going too quickly for my taste . So isn 't the morning . I 've been up for hours doing goodness knows what , and I haven 't really accomplished anything . So what else is new ? ? Cliff is back today doing a few things around here for me . I did not know it until a couple hours ago , but today is his birthday . I 'd have had him come by another day . I 'm wishing you a Happy Birthday Cliff , and I hope the rest of your day is really nice . Yesterday afternoon , I put the chairs on the porch just in time for the heavens to open up and treat us to a large dose of rain . It did not last very long though , and then Pogo and I sat out on the porch for a little while . Slowly , Pogo is getting used to the porch . At first , I had to pick him up and carry him out there . Now I just have to hold the door open and he goes out there by himself . Here 's a photo of my little guy sitting on the porch . It 's almost time for Joe to come home from work ( yesterday ) so he stayed right there and waited for Joe . DIL Janet came by after work to pick up her cell phone ( which she had forgotten to take home with her the night before ) , and we sat out on the porch for a bit . Now I definitely know that I want to order two new chairs . The ones that I got just aren 't wide enough to be comfortable . Us gals have sizable hineys . I found an adorable cartoon on the web that I had to share here with you . I seem to have quite a few days like this . Do any of you get the Readers Digest ? This magazine has some great stories , and interesting word lists . Did you know that there are only four root words in the English language that begin with " dw " ? Can you name them ? Go ahead and try . Yesterday , Pogo and I went to the car dealership . My car now has a clean bill of health and a new sticker ; and they washed my car windows for me . This is so very appreciated because I can 't reach the front windshield to wash it . ( both inside and outside ) Good morning . Today will be another warm one , but it is looking to be a bit cloudy . At least at the moment . This is good though , because Pogo and I have to take the car to the dealership for a regular check up and a new safety sticker . On our way home , we have to stop at the hardware store for a tube of clear sealer . Then we will come straight back home . ( Well , maybe we 'll stop at McDonald 's to pick up a burger for Pogo 's lunch ) Last evening , SIL Eddie 's friend Cliff came by to get rid of the hornet nest that is on the new porch . He did a great job , and when he got the whole thing removed , he filled in the space where it was with wood . Today , Cliff is coming by to do a couple more things around here for me . While he is busy doing that , I will start setting things back on the porch . . . chairs , table , potty patch , Pogo 's little bed , etc . Then I will take some new photos . As soon as I get around to picking up the white paint , Joe will paint the wall of the house . ( That 's the part of the house outside wall that is inside the porch . ) Last evening , while DIL Janet was here , I got a package from Amazon . It was the movie that I had ordered ( Torch Song Trilogy ) and the bottle of " itch " shampoo that I had ordered for Pogo . We watched the movie while we ate our supper . It was good to see it again . Around 3 a . m . , Pogo started itching again , so off we went to the bathroom , and I gave him a nice bath with the new shampoo . Plus , I gave him some Benedryl . After that , he was able to sleep for a nice block of hours . When we get home later today , I 'll give him another bath with the new shampoo . I have absolutely no idea what he is allergic to . I found this cute image on the web and thought I 'd like to share it with you . Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go right ? This is sort of how I felt once the porch was finished , and then we found the hornet nest . Ah , but all is much better now . That 's about all the news for this morning . Some days it 's pretty quiet around here . But that is good . Pogo and I are too old for constant excitement . Would you believe , on his next birthday , Pogo and I will both be 77 . Where has all the time gone ? Good morning . It 's a bright sunny day , and I do believe it 's going to be hot , hot , hot . Well , guess what ? Yup , yup , yup ! ! The porch is finished ! Yeaaaaaaah ! ! But I can 't use it for a bit . What ? Are you kidding me ? Groan , groan . How we all did not notice this , I don 't know , but there is a hornet nest in the cornice over the window ( on the house inside the screened part of the porch ) Now I don 't know about you , but I 'm not so happy about sharing my beautiful new porch with hornets ! Last evening after supper , Joe filled the nest with hornet spray . It killed a few , but there are still a few hornets that won 't leave the porch . We 'll probably have to remove the cornice altogether . I 'll see if Joe will do that soon . Like tonight ! ! Oh gosh , I hope so . Here are some photos of the finished project . Before leaving , the workers found a good place for my flag , and put it up for me . They even built a really nice gate that is Pogo proof . We hope ! Now Pogo can run around the whole porch . He 'll probably want to stay out there all day . Next , they put in a couple hanger hooks so that I could put up the hanging plants . One inside the screened area , and one near Pogo 's door . Lately , I 've been looking around for an old movie that I really enjoyed and would like to watch again . Last evening , I found it on Amazon , so I ordered it . It 's called Torch Song Trilogy . So guess what I 'll be doing Friday evening ? Yup , you guessed it ! If you like movies with a lot of human emotions and feelings , give this one a try . Today , I 'll be staying off my feet a lot . My left foot and lower back have been acting up again . Last night , I finally dug out the pain pills so that I could get some sleep . Pogo woke me up around 4 a . m . with his scratching . I 'm not sure what they used at the salon for shampoo , but he has been itching since he came home with his new hair cut . So , after brushing him and giving him some Benedryl , I put him in his bathtub ( the new bathroom sink ) and gave him a bath with his medicated shampoo . Then we sat on the sofa while I towel dried him . Of course , that meant we had to play a while too . It was close to six a . m . before we both nodded off to sleep again . Needless to say , my eyes are a tad bit droopy this morning . So I 'm going to treat myself to a nice nap in a little while . Pogo is already sleeping . Well , that 's my news for this morning . Now I 'm going to head over to my comfy lounge chair and let my eyelids droop shut . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's early , so it 's still pretty cool outside . The sun hasn 't even woke up yet . Ah , but in a few hours , the temps will be in the mid 80 's . So , I 'm enjoying the morning coolness while it 's here . Ah , as I speak , the sun is just now peeking over the treetops . In a little while , the work crew will be here again . Yesterday , they did accomplish quite a bit . Most all the roof shingles are on , and a lot of the screening is on . The door to the screened in area is also installed , and a cement step was poured . There 's still plenty to keep them busy , but I 'm hoping that they finish it today . If not , one more day won 't hurt me . Here 's a photo of the crew working , and a shot of the screen door . The door has a pet screen on the bottom half so that pets can 't scratch it and tear the screen . Rather thoughtful . While I was checking some of the potted plants , I noticed that the yellow lilies are spreading . Instead of the one or two that I thought we had , there are a couple of big clumps . Woo Hoo ! This is good ! They are such a happy color . I think today will be a rather quiet lazy day for Pogo and me . Aside from washing a few dishes and maybe running the vacuum a bit , we don 't have any plans for today . Watching the crew work keeps us pretty busy . Speaking of the work crew , they have just arrived . I need to get out there , because I have a couple questions for them . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's starting out gray again , but oh my , the temperature feels sooooo good ! It 's 60F degrees at the moment , but will soon be up around the mid 70 's . I just went outside and moved my car because the contractors should be here in just a little while . I think . The last two times they were here , they showed up at 7 and 7 : 15 a . m . I 'm hoping they show up at 7 today . I 'd really like to get this porch finished . We used to have two great big butterfly bushes in the garden on the other side of the house , but the winter with the heavy snows kind of destroyed them . We lost one all together , and cut the other one way down to try to save it . Last year , it didn 't look too good , but now it is beginning to grow . I don 't know yet what color this one is . Also , the new white rose bush is covered with lots of beautiful new blooms . This one is planted in the garden near the shed . Gosh , it is just so pretty ! Last evening after supper , Joe helped me take everything off the porch and put it all in my car 's trunk . For some reason , Pogo 's play yard did not want to cooperate , but after about twenty minutes of trying , Joe finally got it to close up . ( men don 't like to look at the instructions ) Later I decided to crochet for a while , and golly gee , I found a mistake two rows back . So now I had to unravel those two rows , fix the mistake , and then put the rows back on before I could start any new rows . This sort of takes all the fun out of the crocheting . However , I did manage to get a couple new rows on before setting it aside . This afternoon after the work crew leaves for the day , Pogo and I have to go to the Post Office and the bank . We have a birthday box to mail , and the bills are wanting to be paid . One birthday is for daughter Audrey 's friend , Miss Bea , whose birthday is today . Pogo and I wish you a beautiful day and a happy birthday , Miss Bea . The other birthday is belated . Granddaughter Andi ( Audrey 's daughter ) had a birthday a few days ago . Pogo and I are sending you belated best wishes Andi , and I hope your birthday was beautiful . As I sit here typing , the big truck just rolled in with the work crew . Woo Hoo ! ! It 's looking like it might rain , but I hope it holds off until the work is finished . On my next trip out shopping , I think I 'll have to look for a new chair for the porch . The ones I bought are comfy , but a tad on the narrow side . My tushi isn 't quite as teeny tiny as it used to be . ( Haha . Actually , it is rather plump ! ) I would be more comfortable in a chair with a bit more room for the seat . I have a new photo to share that daughter Deanne sent to me . These are my beautiful girls , Jazzy and Janicee , at the local fair . Just two of my many blessings . Now I think I should go get dressed so that I can go outside and see what the guys are doing . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . |
Good morning . Shhh , I can 't say this very loud because I don 't want to jinx anything , but Pogo is just now finishing up a plate of doggie food for breakfast . He also had some last evening for a snack . My goodness , will wonders never cease ! ! Well , sometime early yesterday morning , we got a few more drops of precipitation . I 'm not sure when it got here or how it snuck by my door because I never saw or heard it . Pogo and I were up all night and we never saw it . Unless it quickly ran by us in the morning when I was napping . Pogo seems to be handling his meds a little better . Oh , he still fights me all the way , but at least he has stopped spitting it out all over me . Yesterday , I missed one of his meds , I guess because my brain wasn 't quite awake . However , this morning we are back on track . SIL Eddie came by yesterday on his way home from work just to say hello and sit and chat for a little while . I don 't get to see him as much now because the union called him back to work , and he has to work six days a week . So , yesterday 's visit was a nice surprise . This morning , in a little while , Joe and I will go do some grocery shopping before it gets really hot outside . I have to remember to take my insulated bag with me so that I can get some ice cream . This is the season for ice cream , but it is difficult to get it home from the market in an edible state . I 'm not into soupy ice cream . I have some cute photos to share that I took a couple days ago . Now that I have the porch , my little critter friends come up to sit on the railing sometimes . One of our squirrels thought it might be safe to eat his snack there . These photos were taken through the screen and window of the door . There 's not much news this morning , so I think I should go get dressed . We 'll be leaving soon to do the grocery shopping . Also , have you been noticing the calendar ? We are just about all out of this month . When I come back on Monday it will be a new month . So , till August , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's almost 6 : 30 a . m . and I haven 't been to sleep yet . No , I 'm not sick or anything like that . And the temps were cool enough for a nice sleep . It 's sort of a long story . As you know , Pogo had to go to the hospital last evening to see his doctor again . This was not Pogo 's favorite place to be and the A / C was on so the air was cool . The metal examining table was also cold , and as soon as the doctor walked into the room , Pogo had a bad case of the juicy squirties . I put him in the little sink to clean him off while the doctor had the task of cleaning off the examining table . Phew ! Not the nicest smelling stuff . After examining Pogo , his doctor said that Pogo has an extreme allergy to fleas and that was the problem . Somehow , somewhere , Pogo had picked up fleas and they were doing a real nasty number on him . He was treated right away to kill anything that might be on his body , then he had a steroid to help stop the itch . Next came another medicine , but this one was in pill form . Pogo does not do pills , so I let the doctor try to give it to him . It wasn 't easy , but all of a sudden the assistant yelled " Stop ! He 's turning blue . " Now my heart jumped up into my throat . After checking Pogo again to make sure he was okay , the doctor decided to try a different medicine . Alas , this was also in pill form . This time the assistant tried to give it to Pogo , and again they had to stop because he started turning blue again . By now , my poor little doggie was shaking and begging for me to pick him up and hold him . So I did just that . Next the he had to have another medicine , and the doctor treated him with Simple Guard 3 to help keep him safe from fleas . I already put Revolution on him once a month , but now he will have to have both treatments every month . Last night it was the Simple Guard 3 , and in two weeks it will be Revolution . We will continue on this way , alternating the meds every two weeks . The doctor and I took turns combing Pogo 's fur until everything looked pretty free of the pesky fleas . His doctor felt pretty sure that his new med regime would take care of the flea problem and that it wouldn 't be long before he would stop itching and be comfortable again . Gosh , I sure hope so . When we got in the car to go home , I told Pogo that he might have to think about applying for Medicaid to pay for all his meds and doctor visits . He didn 't have anything to say on this subject . On the way home , I stopped at McDonalds to get us some supper . It was too late to have to cook . We got our food and headed for home . Oh no ! Something doesn 't smell so good . Really ? Oh Pogo , not all over my front seat ! ! ! Yup , it was all over the passenger seat , and he danced all through it ( trying to get away from it ) as I frantically drove the car home . Once we got in the driveway , I beeped the horn and Joe came out . He held Pogo while I opened my doors and then I took Pogo into the house to the bathroom for a bath . Meanwhile , Joe offered to clean the mess in my car . God bless him . Before I set Pogo down , I sprayed and covered the sofa with nice clean bath towels . While he rested a bit on the sofa , I started spraying the carpet and his furniture , etc , and put a load of his blankets in the washer . Do you suppose I could sit down now for a bit to catch my breath ? Oh no , thank goodness I covered the sofa with big towels because here we go again with the squirties . ( I really need a break ! ! ) As I rushed around trying to keep up with everything , I slipped and started to fall , but I put out my arm to break the fall . It worked , however , my arm doesn 't exactly look so very happy now . It 's getting fat in spots and turning some nasty colors . But I still love my Pogo . Honest , I do ! ! Another quickie bath , and more nice clean towels ( the sofa cushions are covered with large black trash bags ) and it was now time for us to eat . Thank goodness I got take out because there was no way I was in any mood to cook . Pogo gobbled up all of his double hamburger , and settled in for a nap . So why didn 't I get any sleep ? Because he sleeps all night snuggled up against my side and leg . If I fell asleep I wouldn 't be able to jump up quick enough to avoid getting covered if Pogo had another bout of the squirties . . So I watched TV , and a couple times we both went out on the porch to cool off for a little while . Dwarf Helen has to go out this morning to do an errand so she will pick up the birdseed that I need ( so that I won 't have to go out ) and I will have me a nice nap after she gets back from the store . So , now aren 't you glad you stopped by ? Here 's a photo of Pogo resting after he filled his tummy with all that tasty hamburger . There 's a fan blowing lightly on him and he is enjoying it . He looks kind of big here , but he 's not . He 's stretched over the footrest on the lounge chair . I have another image to share with you . I found this really awesome tee shirt on the web and I just had to post it here . These are my sentiments exactly ! ! I had a couple more photos to share , but they will have to wait until tomorrow . My eyes are starting to feel rather scratchy and the eyelids keep trying to close . I need to get up and walk around a bit so I don 't fall asleep before Dwarf Helen gets back with the birdseed . I will post again tomorrow instead of on Sunday because I have to leave Sunday morning for an all day class on how to shoot and clean guns . This should be a fun class , although many many moons have gone by since I used to practice shooting at the gun club . I was young and strong back then . Now I 'm not so strong and the guns weigh more than me almost . ( just kidding ) Good morning . So far , it has been a very frustrating morning . I started typing my post , then had to take a break to try to correct a problem with my wi - fi service . I eventually got that fixed ( to a point ) and came back to finish my post . Sad to say , Blogger is in a feisty mood and would not let me type anything recognizable . I had to erase the whole post and start over . Please don 't tell me that this is going to be one of those " Murphy 's Law " days ! I have Comcast cable , and my wi - fi sucks ! Big time ! However , I 've discovered that if I shut it off ( on my cell phone ) and use the Verizon wi - fi , I 'm okay . If that 's the case , why am I paying all this money to Comcast ? ? ? ? ? This morning he is still in the doghouse , and wants nothing to do with me . I wonder if it 's because I put a tee shirt on him to make it more difficult to scratch himself . Anyway , I finally picked up the dog house and put it on the sofa with me and literally had to dump Pogo out of it ! ! Here 's a photo of him hiding inside the dog house . I used the flash so that we could see him . Oh boy , wait till he discovers that he has another doctor appointment later this evening ! ! He 'll really be mad at me . This morning I ordered a bottle of fish oil to add to his food , and a bottle of Aloe Vera Gel for his skin . I also ordered a couple items to put away for Christmas . I 'm really hoping that soon we 'll be able to get to the bottom of Pogo 's nasty itch and get rid of it . Nothing in his life these past few years has changed . He is loved and spoiled every day , he eats only the best foods ( he 's very picky ) and he gets whatever he wants . So what else can I do ? I 'm beginning to feel like a neglectful mama . Okay , so on a lighter note , I 've dug out a few fun photos from my archives to share with you . I took these at our local park . This is one happy little duck who sure knows how to keep cool ! Good morning . Yikes ! It 's only mid morning and temps are already in the mid 80 's , and headed for the low 90 's . I am positively wilting ! Thank goodness for the air conditioning . Well , last evening , daughter Deanne and I went to our class on Basic Firearm Safety . There was quite a good mix of folks in the class , men and women , young and old . The instructor was very knowledgeable , and the class was very educational . Towards the end of the class , we all had a chance to hold and properly unload a revolver , a rifle and a shotgun . This was very enlightening , and at the end of the class everyone received a " Basic Firearms Safety Certificate . " The next class will be this coming Sunday where we will learn more about how to properly handle and shoot a gun . This should be another interesting and educational day . To change the subject , did you know that there are laws as to how long you can legally leave your car engine running ? In Massachusetts , a car cannot be idling more than five minutes unless it is being serviced or it is being used to deliver or accept goods where engine assisted power is necessary . If someone is caught , they can be levied with a $ 100 fine for the first offense and up to $ 500 for subsequent offenses . Hmmm , I don 't think I ever heard of anyone being fined for this offense , have you ? ( click on the image to see a bigger view ) As you all know , Pogo has developed an awful itch , and it has been driving him crazy . Me too , for that matter . I give him special baths , Benedryl and an antiobiotic , but we haven 't been able to lose the itch . I may have to take him back to the doctor for more tests . The poor little guy gets so frustrated hearing me constantly telling him to " stop that " scratching . There is another medicine that we can try , but it is a pill that you have to push down the doggie 's throat and I can 't do that . The medicine does not come in liquid form , so I think I 'll ask the doctor if it can be given by shot . Pogo wouldn 't be too happy , but we really do need to get rid of the cause of the itch . Here 's a photo of Pogo grabbing a little nap after taking some Benedryl . Gosh , I feel so bad for him . He doesn 't like the medicines , and can 't understand why I keep giving it to him . He does spit some of the medicine out which . of course , makes him quite sticky . But then , that 's a good reason for a nice cooling bath and a rub down with a big fluffy towel . Today I have a new quick page for you . This one features a very happy Lola , who is practicing her dance steps with a friend . I hope you can use it . Well , that 's my news for this morning . I got a late start today , and now I need to get a few things done around the house . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's another beautiful morning that is going to be a real scorcher in a few more hours . For some reason though , the nights have been cool , which I 'm very thankful for . It 's 96F in the daytime and 66F during the night . That 's a big , but hugely appreciated , drop in temperature . Yesterday I managed to do a couple loads of laundry . Hopefully , today I can do another load , this time with the towels . I 've been trying to launder all of Pogo 's blankets to help keep his " itchies " down . In between loads of laundry , I spent some time going through stacks of magazines . Once I removed my ID from them , they could be put in the recycle barrel . Late yesterday afternoon , I got a friend request from someone on Facebook that was such a wonderful surprise . When my kids were young , I took in some exchange students . One boy in particular , Ulf , was from Sweden and stayed with us for the whole school year . We stayed close for a few years , but then somehow drifted apart . I haven 't seen or heard from him for so many years . Until I got this friend request from him . Wowee ! ! I downloaded a couple photos of him to share . This first photo is Ulf and his dog , and it 's what he looked like shortly after he graduated from High School . He attended our high school with my daughter Audrey ( for his senior year ) . And this is a photo of him today . Gosh , it 's so good to catch up with him again . It 's almost like finding a missing relative . Wow , the wonders of the internet ! ! ! I 'm so glad you 're back in our life , Ulf . I 've missed you . Today maybe I 'll spend some time with the shredder . Goodness knows , I have lots to shred . Then this afternoon I 'll try to have a little nap . I need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for my class this evening . Tonight , Deanne and I are attending the first of two classes for gun safety . She wanted this for her birthday , so that 's what we 're doing . I just hope the building where the class is held is air conditioned . I have another photo to share . DIL Janet took this photo of her sleeping kitties . Aren 't they just the cutest ? Well , that 's my news for this morning . Now it 's time to see what sort of mischief I can get into today . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Tis another beautiful day here , and yes , another scorcher . If we didn 't have to go out this morning , Pogo and I would go back to bed and sleep for another hour or two . It felt good to get some sleep during the night and we 'd like some more . ( greedy , huh ? ) This morning , we have to go to the bank , and then to McDonalds to get me some iced coffee . After that , I 'll do some laundry and make a bowl of tuna salad . Well at least that 's the plan . Hmmm , this is strange . I just dozed off for fifteen minutes . Maybe I 'll have a nap and go to the bank tomorrow . Sad to say , now that we have this nice porch to sit out on , it 's too hot to sit out . Poor little Pogo sits by the door and wants so badly to go out on the porch . So after a while , I let him go out there , only to have him come back in just a couple minutes . Ah well , we did go out there during the night for a few minutes . The cool air felt good . Here 's an interesting picture that I found on the web and thought I would share . It 's quite a unique way to make a shady spot for lunch . Materials used are PVC pipes and shower curtains . Now that I 've decided that we 'll go to the bank tomorrow , I think I 'll put in a load of laundry and catch me a little nap . This heat makes me very tired . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . Here in New England it is hot , hot , hot ! I realize other parts of the country are hotter than we are , but to us , this is very hot . Temps in the 90 's every day . The only saving factor has been the coolness of the last couple of nights . We had storm warnings a couple evenings ago . Rain , damaging winds and hail were forecast as being headed our way , along with thunder and lightning . Well , the thunder and lightning showed up for a while , along with about 57 extremely misty teeny rain drops . Make that 59 . A couple of the drops hit the car and split in two . Then the storm moved further south . As for sleep , well I 've been taking advantage of little naps whenever they happen . Early yesterday morning , while it was still cool enough to walk and breathe comfortably , Joe and I went to Walmart to do our grocery shopping . I guess a lot of other folks had the same idea because there were a lot of shoppers there . In the afternoon , I managed to do a couple loads of laundry , towels and such . But that was the extent of my ambition for the day . I did cook supper for Pogo . For myself , I nuked a frozen dinner . I don 't have much of an appetite in this heat . I dug into my archives for a couple photos that might help cool us off for a little bit . These photos were taken four years ago in December . What 's really amazing is that in December of 2012 , there were more roses blooming on the pink rose tree than we 've had all of this year . Go figure . Pogo and I are staying ahead of the heat as best we can . Every now and then I put the A / C on for a while to cool the room down , and we have a couple fans moving the air around . I would love to keep the door open with the window pane up all through the night when it is really cool , but that is not really feasible . ( for safety reasons ) At four thirty this morning , I got up and made breakfast for Pogo and me while it was nice and cool . In a little while , I 'll take a look to see what 's for lunch . Maybe I 'll have a bowl of cereal . Mmmm , that sounds cool and yummy . I have ice cream and milk . Maybe I 'll make a milkshake . Oooooh , I 'm making my mouth water ! I think I should stop typing right now before I gain a few more pounds . haha . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a wonderful day . Good morning . Tis a beautiful , but sweltering , day here in New England . Today is supposed to get up into the mid to upper 90 's . Too darn hot for me . Right now , it hasn 't reached 80 yet , and there is a nice breeze . Pretty soon though , we 'll have to close the window on the door to keep out some of the heat . Joe and I are supposed to go grocery shopping later this afternoon , but we may have to wait until after supper till it cools off a bit . I don 't know , we 'll have to wait and see . I don 't breath so good in this heat . Plus , the ice cream melts before we get home . Lately , early mornings and late evenings seem to be the best time to sit out on the porch . Maybe once I have a fan out on the porch , I can sit out in the afternoon . SIL Eddie said he will come by when he can and put in an outlet so that I can plug in the fan . Yesterday , while sitting out on the porch , I took a photo of part of the view from my rocking chair . I must say , it really is pretty . Today , I have an appointment to speak with a person about solar energy . I 'm not buying anything yet , but I thought I should look into it . It will be interesting to see how expensive it is to have the solar panels installed . I know there are companies that don 't charge for the installation , but I haven 't found them yet . I just looked up the weather forecast for the next ten days , and we 're not due for a break in these wicked high temps for a whole week . Then , we 'll finally have a chance for a bit of rain for a day or two . Mind you , I said we have a chance . That does not mean that the rain will actually happen . But gosh , I hope it does . I pulled a photo from my archives to share with you . This photo was taken four years ago today on my way to work . The cows were out in the field not far from the road , so I stopped to take some photos . This was at a dairy farm where they make the greatest ice cream . There was another interesting article in the newspaper yesterday . The headline to this story reads : " Court finds Texas voter ID law discriminatory . " Texas passed a law requiring an ID in order to vote . This was intended to cut down a lot of illegal voting . However , Mr . O in the White House claimed that it discriminated against black and Latino voters as well as low income residents , who face more difficulties obtaining the approved forms of identification ( photo ID ) . Another challenger to the law said that " No American should ever lose their right to vote just because they don 't have a photo ID . " Forgive my stupidity , but this law was not preventing any Americans from obtaining an ID and voting . It was to prevent illegals from voting . Texas U . S . Rep Joaquin Castro , a Democrat , tweeted : " The . . . . . ID law was nothing more than a political point - shaving strategy by Republicans to win elections by depressing turnout . " ( newspaper is : Boston Herald 7 - 21 - 16 ) To me , this sounds like the Democrats really need the illegal votes to help their cause . Why are they afraid of requiring a photo ID to prove that you are an American in order to vote ? This type of governing really offends me and my beliefs . As for the voter fraud , it is very real and widespread . When a community takes in more votes than it has residents , then something is really fishy . When there is a small cluster of voters all squished together into the voting booth , this too is rather fishy . When there are names listed on the voter sheets of people who do not even live in the town , you have another fishy situation . I 've seen some of this for myself , so I know it exists . If we can 't count on our government to keep the voting honest , then we need to think about changing the people doing the governing . Well , that 's my rant for today . ( One more reason why I don 't believe in the party system . I 'd rather be free to make my own choice , and yes , I do have a photo ID . ) Good morning . Good news ! ! ! It was nice and cool last night , and I slept ! ! It felt so good , I did not want to get up this morning . My little guy let me stay in bed until almost ten o ' clock . But then I started feeling guilty . So I got up to make him some breakfast and give him his meds . Yesterday , Pogo had his doctor visit , and now he has his new rabies tag . He weighed in at five and a half pounds , and aside from the itch he is very healthy . The doctor checked him over , and prescribed an antibiotic for his itch . If that doesn 't help , she will try another medicine . While we were waiting to pay the bill , Pogo made friends with two little girls and their mother . It does not matter where we go , people always come over to see and pet Pogo . And of course , Pogo just loves it . Sometimes , folks ask if they can take his photo to share with their friends and family . Yesterday his doctor even asked if she could take his photo . My little guy could be a super star ! A while ago , I found a beautiful image on the web , and borrowed it to share here . I don 't know who took the photo , but it is just gorgeous . I would love to get a shot like this . I read an article in our newspaper ( The Boston Herald ) about our governor , Charlie Baker , declining to dedicating the Zakim Bridge 's blue lighting to slain police officers . I 'm not questioning his decision , but one of his reasons does bother me . He said " I think choosing sides in this conversation is a bad idea . I think the best thing we can do , and the thing that we all ought to do , is to remember that everybody is somebody 's son or daughter , and to start there . " The bridge 's default color is blue , but it is frequently lit up in a different color for other people or events . I have a problem with his choice of words . ie . . . choosing sides is a bad idea . Maybe I 'm missing something here , but what does " choosing sides " mean ? To me , there is no choosing . Either we support the men and women who are trying to protect us , or we don 't . This makes me wonder if Mr . Baker is a solid Democrat and does not want to offend Mr . O who would not light the White House in blue to show support for our law enforcement officers . If these politicians cannot show respect for our police men and women , then why do they need to have several armed guards go everywhere with them to keep them safe ? Maybe they should all be replaced by someone who does care ? Between the killings and the flag burnings , I 'm becoming very disillusioned with the way our government responds in our defense . People who kill and / or burn our flag should be punished . No questions about it . I don 't care who is offended or whose feelings are hurt . If you intentionally kill someone or burn the American Flag , you should be in jail . Okay , enough of my little rant . Some days , I just have to get things off my mind . ( I am neither republican nor democrat . I believe in voting for the person I feel is best for the job , regardless of their party affiliation . ) Today I have a new quick page for you . This one might be appropriate for photos of loved ones that we 've lost . Here is your download link : Remember I mentioned a while ago that I ordered two new chairs for the porch ? Well they arrived yesterday . When Joe came home from work , he said he would assemble them for me . Oh my , if you ever want to learn some of the seedier words in the English language , give a person one of these rocking chairs to assemble . I finally produced a catalogue photo of the chair so that Joe could see what it should look like . I have to admit that the instructions that came with the chair were not easily understood . However , after a respectable amount of time , Joe had finished one of the chairs . Yeah ! ! He said he will try to assemble the other one today or tomorrow . I can live with that . Here 's a photo of the one that is finished . Good morning . Oh my , I asked for a nice cool night and that 's exactly what I got last night . It was the perfect night for sleeping . Alas , I did not sleep very well . My breathing has not been so good , and I seem to be using the oxygen more often . Today is supposed to be in the mid to upper 80 's , and then for the next six days we are looking at temps in the 90 's . Oh joy ! To make matters worse , several storms have come close by but they have all missed us . We really need some rain . Not a flood , mind you . But our water levels are going down . Yesterday , Kevin , Pogo and I went to visit Aunt Lucy . She is such a fun person , and we all had a great time . Aunt Lucy just loves Kevin . Especially when she learned that he would like be to a state trooper one day after college and the military . One of her sons was a state trooper , so this really made her smile . A couple days ago , I got a lovely surprise in my email . My friend Beth made this beautiful scrap page of Pogo enjoying an afternoon on the porch . Beth , thank you so much . I love it . Have you ever had a moment where you forgot how to spell a word , or even worse , forgot the word you want to use ? One way around this problem , is to change your whole sentence to use other words . According to my book " The Ultimate Women 's Guide to Beating Disease " , I need to eat more chocolate . Chocolate helps you feel sharper , more relaxed and just plain happier . Also , I need to pick up some sage oil . One hour after people took a supplement of sage oil , they had better memory , more focused attention , and more alertness . Even just sniffing sage helps to give you a better memory . ( Book written and published by Bottom Line Health 2016 ) Now I 'm going to see if I can squeeze in a little nap before it 's time for us to leave . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . It 's only 8 : 30 a . m . and it 's 75F degrees . Today is supposed to only get up to 80 or the low 80 's . That would be a nice break . Now if we could just have a few cool nights so that I could get more than thirty minute snatches of sleep at a time . This would be super nice . This will have to be a short post because in a little while my grandson Kevin will be here to pick Pogo and me up . We 're going to visit Aunt Lucy . I had thought we might go craft shopping this morning , but Auntie has to hang around the house today . So , we 'll go another day . I think I 'll bring my tablet with us today . Aunt Lucy does not want anything to do with computers or smart phones , but I thought maybe a tablet wouldn 't feel so intimidating . It would be a nice way to share photos and such . I 'll have to see what she thinks about my tablet . Today I have more photos from my gardens . This first photo is a close up of the flowers on the Citron plant . The second photo is seed pods , and the third photo is the red Knock Out roses . I promise I 'll chat a bit longer tomorrow . Now , I have about thirty minutes to get dressed and ready to leave . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . Today 's a big birthday way up yonder . Here 's hoping the guys are enjoying a lobster dinner . That 's what I cooked for them every year on their special day . Two big lobsters each , corn on the cob , potato salad , garden salad , and whatever they wanted for dessert . Mmmm , memories . Today will be another scorcher . It 's going to be like this at least until the beginning of August . That 's according to the weather forecast . It doesn 't look like we 'll be getting very much ( if any ) rain during this time either . We 're in sort of a drought situation . We really do need some rain . It 's even warm all through the night . I guess the trick is to get as much sleep as you can during the day , and then do as much as you can throughout the night when the temps aren 't as hot . Of course , if you work days , then this won 't help you . Today I have some cute photos of one of our squirrels to share with you . I took these photos a few days ago . We still have the dumpster in our yard , and this little squirrel has found some interesting things in it . His treasure has writing on it , and it looks like he is reading it . In the end , he decided to take it home with him . I watched as he jumped down off the dumpster with his treasure in his mouth , and went running off towards his home . Enjoy little fellow ! Today I have two appointments very close together , so I 'm going to have to call and cancel one of them . Gosh , I go from days with nothing happening to " overfull " days . Ah well , at least I 'm lucky enough to have all these days . Tomorrow I 'm hoping to spend some time with Aunt Lucy , and on Wednesday Pogo has a doctor appointment to get his rabies shot . I 'll see if she can give us something to take away Pogo 's itch . After that , the rest of the week should be rather quiet . I think . Well that 's my news for today . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a magnificent day . Good morning . Gosh , I 've been up since 4 a . m . and now I 'm getting tired . It was warm and sticky all night , so sleep came in batches . This morning , I 've put the A / C on for a while just to get some of the sticky out of the air . Yesterday was quiet around here . Pogo and I sat out on the porch for a few hours . I have to say that we are loving our new porch . Pogo sat here on the love seat most of the time . He didn 't even care when I would leave to go in the house for something . He was just loving his new space . Today I think I 'll do a load of laundry . Maybe I 'll do one with Pogo 's blankets too . Then tomorrow morning , I have to call and try to reschedule an appointment . I have too many things to do tomorrow and some of them overlap their times . It 's looking like it just might rain today . It 's been gray outside , but who knows ? It could all change in a couple of hours . Either way , it 's okay . The gardens wouldn 't mind a bit of rain . If I don 't fall asleep when I sit down in my lounge chair , I might even read a book . I have lots of new ones on my tablet just waiting to be read . Somehow though , I 'm thinking that sleep might win over the books . My eyelids are having trouble staying open . lol . Maybe I should just give in and go have me a nap . Oh yeah , sounds like an awesome plan . Good morning . My goodness , have you noticed that July is already half over ? It 's going too quickly for my taste . So isn 't the morning . I 've been up for hours doing goodness knows what , and I haven 't really accomplished anything . So what else is new ? ? Cliff is back today doing a few things around here for me . I did not know it until a couple hours ago , but today is his birthday . I 'd have had him come by another day . I 'm wishing you a Happy Birthday Cliff , and I hope the rest of your day is really nice . Yesterday afternoon , I put the chairs on the porch just in time for the heavens to open up and treat us to a large dose of rain . It did not last very long though , and then Pogo and I sat out on the porch for a little while . Slowly , Pogo is getting used to the porch . At first , I had to pick him up and carry him out there . Now I just have to hold the door open and he goes out there by himself . Here 's a photo of my little guy sitting on the porch . It 's almost time for Joe to come home from work ( yesterday ) so he stayed right there and waited for Joe . DIL Janet came by after work to pick up her cell phone ( which she had forgotten to take home with her the night before ) , and we sat out on the porch for a bit . Now I definitely know that I want to order two new chairs . The ones that I got just aren 't wide enough to be comfortable . Us gals have sizable hineys . I found an adorable cartoon on the web that I had to share here with you . I seem to have quite a few days like this . Do any of you get the Readers Digest ? This magazine has some great stories , and interesting word lists . Did you know that there are only four root words in the English language that begin with " dw " ? Can you name them ? Go ahead and try . Yesterday , Pogo and I went to the car dealership . My car now has a clean bill of health and a new sticker ; and they washed my car windows for me . This is so very appreciated because I can 't reach the front windshield to wash it . ( both inside and outside ) Good morning . Today will be another warm one , but it is looking to be a bit cloudy . At least at the moment . This is good though , because Pogo and I have to take the car to the dealership for a regular check up and a new safety sticker . On our way home , we have to stop at the hardware store for a tube of clear sealer . Then we will come straight back home . ( Well , maybe we 'll stop at McDonald 's to pick up a burger for Pogo 's lunch ) Last evening , SIL Eddie 's friend Cliff came by to get rid of the hornet nest that is on the new porch . He did a great job , and when he got the whole thing removed , he filled in the space where it was with wood . Today , Cliff is coming by to do a couple more things around here for me . While he is busy doing that , I will start setting things back on the porch . . . chairs , table , potty patch , Pogo 's little bed , etc . Then I will take some new photos . As soon as I get around to picking up the white paint , Joe will paint the wall of the house . ( That 's the part of the house outside wall that is inside the porch . ) Last evening , while DIL Janet was here , I got a package from Amazon . It was the movie that I had ordered ( Torch Song Trilogy ) and the bottle of " itch " shampoo that I had ordered for Pogo . We watched the movie while we ate our supper . It was good to see it again . Around 3 a . m . , Pogo started itching again , so off we went to the bathroom , and I gave him a nice bath with the new shampoo . Plus , I gave him some Benedryl . After that , he was able to sleep for a nice block of hours . When we get home later today , I 'll give him another bath with the new shampoo . I have absolutely no idea what he is allergic to . I found this cute image on the web and thought I 'd like to share it with you . Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go right ? This is sort of how I felt once the porch was finished , and then we found the hornet nest . Ah , but all is much better now . That 's about all the news for this morning . Some days it 's pretty quiet around here . But that is good . Pogo and I are too old for constant excitement . Would you believe , on his next birthday , Pogo and I will both be 77 . Where has all the time gone ? Good morning . It 's a bright sunny day , and I do believe it 's going to be hot , hot , hot . Well , guess what ? Yup , yup , yup ! ! The porch is finished ! Yeaaaaaaah ! ! But I can 't use it for a bit . What ? Are you kidding me ? Groan , groan . How we all did not notice this , I don 't know , but there is a hornet nest in the cornice over the window ( on the house inside the screened part of the porch ) Now I don 't know about you , but I 'm not so happy about sharing my beautiful new porch with hornets ! Last evening after supper , Joe filled the nest with hornet spray . It killed a few , but there are still a few hornets that won 't leave the porch . We 'll probably have to remove the cornice altogether . I 'll see if Joe will do that soon . Like tonight ! ! Oh gosh , I hope so . Here are some photos of the finished project . Before leaving , the workers found a good place for my flag , and put it up for me . They even built a really nice gate that is Pogo proof . We hope ! Now Pogo can run around the whole porch . He 'll probably want to stay out there all day . Next , they put in a couple hanger hooks so that I could put up the hanging plants . One inside the screened area , and one near Pogo 's door . Lately , I 've been looking around for an old movie that I really enjoyed and would like to watch again . Last evening , I found it on Amazon , so I ordered it . It 's called Torch Song Trilogy . So guess what I 'll be doing Friday evening ? Yup , you guessed it ! If you like movies with a lot of human emotions and feelings , give this one a try . Today , I 'll be staying off my feet a lot . My left foot and lower back have been acting up again . Last night , I finally dug out the pain pills so that I could get some sleep . Pogo woke me up around 4 a . m . with his scratching . I 'm not sure what they used at the salon for shampoo , but he has been itching since he came home with his new hair cut . So , after brushing him and giving him some Benedryl , I put him in his bathtub ( the new bathroom sink ) and gave him a bath with his medicated shampoo . Then we sat on the sofa while I towel dried him . Of course , that meant we had to play a while too . It was close to six a . m . before we both nodded off to sleep again . Needless to say , my eyes are a tad bit droopy this morning . So I 'm going to treat myself to a nice nap in a little while . Pogo is already sleeping . Well , that 's my news for this morning . Now I 'm going to head over to my comfy lounge chair and let my eyelids droop shut . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's early , so it 's still pretty cool outside . The sun hasn 't even woke up yet . Ah , but in a few hours , the temps will be in the mid 80 's . So , I 'm enjoying the morning coolness while it 's here . Ah , as I speak , the sun is just now peeking over the treetops . In a little while , the work crew will be here again . Yesterday , they did accomplish quite a bit . Most all the roof shingles are on , and a lot of the screening is on . The door to the screened in area is also installed , and a cement step was poured . There 's still plenty to keep them busy , but I 'm hoping that they finish it today . If not , one more day won 't hurt me . Here 's a photo of the crew working , and a shot of the screen door . The door has a pet screen on the bottom half so that pets can 't scratch it and tear the screen . Rather thoughtful . While I was checking some of the potted plants , I noticed that the yellow lilies are spreading . Instead of the one or two that I thought we had , there are a couple of big clumps . Woo Hoo ! This is good ! They are such a happy color . I think today will be a rather quiet lazy day for Pogo and me . Aside from washing a few dishes and maybe running the vacuum a bit , we don 't have any plans for today . Watching the crew work keeps us pretty busy . Speaking of the work crew , they have just arrived . I need to get out there , because I have a couple questions for them . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Good morning . It 's starting out gray again , but oh my , the temperature feels sooooo good ! It 's 60F degrees at the moment , but will soon be up around the mid 70 's . I just went outside and moved my car because the contractors should be here in just a little while . I think . The last two times they were here , they showed up at 7 and 7 : 15 a . m . I 'm hoping they show up at 7 today . I 'd really like to get this porch finished . We used to have two great big butterfly bushes in the garden on the other side of the house , but the winter with the heavy snows kind of destroyed them . We lost one all together , and cut the other one way down to try to save it . Last year , it didn 't look too good , but now it is beginning to grow . I don 't know yet what color this one is . Also , the new white rose bush is covered with lots of beautiful new blooms . This one is planted in the garden near the shed . Gosh , it is just so pretty ! Last evening after supper , Joe helped me take everything off the porch and put it all in my car 's trunk . For some reason , Pogo 's play yard did not want to cooperate , but after about twenty minutes of trying , Joe finally got it to close up . ( men don 't like to look at the instructions ) Later I decided to crochet for a while , and golly gee , I found a mistake two rows back . So now I had to unravel those two rows , fix the mistake , and then put the rows back on before I could start any new rows . This sort of takes all the fun out of the crocheting . However , I did manage to get a couple new rows on before setting it aside . This afternoon after the work crew leaves for the day , Pogo and I have to go to the Post Office and the bank . We have a birthday box to mail , and the bills are wanting to be paid . One birthday is for daughter Audrey 's friend , Miss Bea , whose birthday is today . Pogo and I wish you a beautiful day and a happy birthday , Miss Bea . The other birthday is belated . Granddaughter Andi ( Audrey 's daughter ) had a birthday a few days ago . Pogo and I are sending you belated best wishes Andi , and I hope your birthday was beautiful . As I sit here typing , the big truck just rolled in with the work crew . Woo Hoo ! ! It 's looking like it might rain , but I hope it holds off until the work is finished . On my next trip out shopping , I think I 'll have to look for a new chair for the porch . The ones I bought are comfy , but a tad on the narrow side . My tushi isn 't quite as teeny tiny as it used to be . ( Haha . Actually , it is rather plump ! ) I would be more comfortable in a chair with a bit more room for the seat . I have a new photo to share that daughter Deanne sent to me . These are my beautiful girls , Jazzy and Janicee , at the local fair . Just two of my many blessings . Now I think I should go get dressed so that I can go outside and see what the guys are doing . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . |
So often believers take for granted the spiritual heritage they receive from their parents . This became very real to me when recently we wanted to reach out to the kids in our community and we noticed that there were several kids who walked by our house every day after school . I knew some of their names , but none of them ever came to church . We used Halloween as an opportunity to give out tracts , John & Romans , and fliers inviting kids to our new Soul 's For Jesus Bible Club on Thursday 's after school . After inviting and preparing for Bible Club we waited for kids to come . One week passed and no one came . Two weeks passed and no one came . This went on for several weeks and we simply used the time that we would have had Bible Club to pray for the children in our area . After a few weeks two avenues opened up that we didn 't expect . First , we had a mother who had just recently been saved ask about bringing her two boys to our Bible Club . The boys were unable to come to Sunday School because they spent that time with their unsaved dad each week , but their mom wanted them to learn as much as possible about the Bible . We began at Genesis and it was so much fun to teach through the Bible to children who had never heard it before . Their mother also learned a lot as she sat each week with her boys through the lessons . The second avenue that opened was with a group of Mexican children who could no longer attend our Sunday School because they left to visit their father on the weekends . This group had a lot of energy and excitement that constantly needed to be channeled . There were about eight of these kids that came on a regular basis . Jenifer Scates was very much the go to person with these kids . She worked side by side with my wife and I with this Bible study . These kids had no idea who God was and when we described the story of creation one of them asked , " can God do magic ? " I was so shocked at the absolute lack of knowledge of God that these children had . Most of what they knew about God came from cartoons and television . Truly , America is becoming more and more a pagan culture . This is the story of my courtship . Some of the details may be off and this is only my perspective . Rebecca told me that I should keep a journal . She 's right because I 'll forget a lot if I don 't . I started writing this out on paper , but it thought this would be a great way to do it with pictures added . Nothing going on . Talking to Girls is a taboo . I have never felt this way in my life . I have always had friends who were girls and not had a problem with it . Maybe the BCM atmosphere is too new for me . ( I 'm even scared to sit by them in class , what is wrong with me ? Have I forgotten how to be normal ? ) . During my time of ignorance I go to know pastor Mulvaine a little bit at the Holiness Conference . I had no idea that was Rebecca 's former pastor . No thoughts in my head and I had a great time fellowshipping with him and his wife . At graduation that year Mrs . Clark came with one of the little girls to pick up Rebecca . I wanted to meet all the parents of people in my class . I had gotten to know the Kopp 's , Harvey 's , Roberts , Overmillers , and others but not the Clarks . I introduced myself to Mrs . Clark and her little girl . ( I don 't remember which girl it was but I think it was Abby . ) When I shook her hand she commenced to shake my arm up and down as hard and fast as she possibly could . " Wow ! " I said . That was interesting . I told her " That was a great handshake do that again ! " This time she did it just has hard and fast if not harder than the first time . I got a kick out of it but I still had no thoughts toward Rebecca . Sophomore : This was the year of all years ! Pastor Vangelderen did his courtship seminar early this year . I took my computer to look interested but I was about as bored as bored could be . I wanted to pay attention but this was all going right over my head . Some of the concepts of courtship were cemented in my brain but there was a lot that I missed . Little did I know that within that first semester living with Josiah and Ben that God would put Rebecca on my heart . There I sat doing my devotions . Joe was in the shower and Ben was still in bed . Rebecca Clark came to mind . " What am I doing thinking about her here at this time that I am to be spending with God ? " I pushed the thought of her out of my mind and went back to my Bible reading . But soon enough the thought was back . " What do I do ? " I thought . " MaOff I went to see Pastor Vangelderen with this thought of Rebecca on my mind . It had been stewing in my head for at least a month or so . I laid everything out before Pastor Vangeledren . I felt silly sitting in his office as a sophomore talking about courtship . I told him about what had been happening in my devotions and that I thought it was too early and I had no idea why Now was when I was thinking about it . I even told him that I thought it was satanic attack . He told me to wait on the Lord and so I did . During Holiness Conference that year I met Amanda Clark . She was like her sister and yet totally different . She had come with Mrs . Clark and they stayed for college day and had a great time ( At least from what I could see ) . Graduation came and went that year as expected . I don 't know why but I was hanging around the fellowship halls after the service and here came Lillian through the hall looking for Rebecca . I had never seen her before but I thought that she must be a Clark . She made a beeline for Rebecca to tell her that her dad was outside . It was evident that Rebecca wanted her dad to come in but knew that wasn 't going to happen . On her way out the door to great her dad She took Mr . Swanson with her and when she saw me she asked if I wanted to meet here dad . ( I don 't remember the exact words she said ) " That 's awkward " I thought . " Do I want to meet him ? … Sure , but Now ? … Mr . Swanson is going out . I think it will be fine . " And so I went out to meet Mr . Clark . Mr . Clark was a small man . I think he was a little shorter than I and defiantly not as hefty . It was evident from the way he carried himself that he was a hard farm worker . I also noticed that he wore cowboy boots . Words were brief and to the point and his eyes hardly left the ground . He was not much for socializing . I went back in with Mr . Swanson , Rebecca , and Lilly . Rebecca and Lilly went to clean the bathrooms before they could leave . That summer I went home and then in a few weeks it was off to Asia for my internship with Mike Redick . My mind had been racing with thoughts of Rebecca in the school year ( It was a constant battle not to think about her . In fact I tried to avoid her as much as possible , but that was hard with ministry and classes . ) and I was hoping that being so far away from BCM , her , and home would enable me not to think about it . It worked ! At least for a little while my summer was so busy that I hardly thought about her . But toward the last part of the summer Pastor Redick and I went to the Philippines . I was there one week before the Goforth ministry trip came . SCM ( Student Movement for Christ ) held a retreat at Forest Camp . There Pastor Chou and Pastor Mike laid out some new organizational structure for SMC . It was a wonderful time with the Filipinos and Kim Coogan . During one of the meals Kim specifically asked me about future ministry . Pastor Mike and Lisa had told me that I needed to get married before I came over to Asia to work in an orphan ministry . I told Kim that I felt the Lord leading me to orphan ministry and that Pastor Mike and his wife told me that I needed to get a wife first . Kim began to share who she thought would make great missionary wives . I was sort of shocked , but everything she said was true . She didn 't try to pair me up with anyone . Rebecca was one of her top missionary picks . When the Goforth trip came over to the Philippines I was sent with Mr . Stoll , Christi Forester , Summer Smith and a few others to minister in a small remote church . I can remember lying on the floor sharing a mosquito net . Before we went to sleep he asked me what God had taught me that summer . I shared with Mr . Stoll what God had done in my heart concerning orphan work and he exclaimed that he thought that fit me perfectly . That year after Holiness conference I remember Rebecca talking to Mrs . Redick . She had a burden for missions but lacked her father 's permission to go on any trips . Ayron heard the same conversation I did and we set to pray that God would move on her father 's heart to let her go once before she left college . This year nothing really happened God enabled me to put everything on the back burner and I don 't remember having much contact with Rebecca . I know I did by nature of ministry or what not but she was not constantly on my mind . Toward the end of the year Jared ( my brother ) came to visit me before he went home from BJ . I remember sitting with him in his white GMC pick up watching her walk from the church to the dorm . It was there I told him that she was the one God had laid on my heart . I think his words were " That 's cool " . He thought that she was a fine girl and didn 't say much . This was the year of the unexpected . During the missions conference Pastor Redick was the key speaker . I couldn 't wait to see him and his wife again . Pastor Redick and I sat down to talk shop about orphanage work . Also one night he did devotions for the guys while his wife took the ladies . As we he and I waited for his wife to finish up I told him about Rebecca . He sure jumped on that one quick and when his wife heard it she did two . Still I had no idea of starting a courtship . The last night of the conference was a headache . Everyone just had to talk to the Redicks . I waited around because I was to give them a ride to the hotel . I also noticed that Rebecca was waiting to talk to the Redicks . She was patient and unlike everyone else who rudely butted in to talk to the Redicks she sat there and waited quietly . Mrs . Redick noticed and wasn 't going to let it go . After everyone else left it was finally her chance to talk to the Redicks . Pastor Redick , Mrs . Redick , Rebecca , and I were all standing by the tables in the lobby . I knew what the Redicks were thinking but I don 't think Rebecca had the foggiest . Pastor Redick said " Well let 's all go sit down and talk . " Wow did Rebecca 's face turn red fast . She stammered and stuttered to say that she wanted to talk to them alone . Mrs . Redick told me to sit where I was and watch her purse while they went across the lobby to the couches . It 's not like I couldn 't hear what they were saying , but I couldn 't leave either . I tried not to listen and focused on my Greek vocabulary cards . But , I couldn 't help but hear her heart being poured out with the desire to go the mission field and serve the Lord on at least one mission 's trip . I knew how Ayron and I were praying and I knew the Redicks were thinking that she would one day most likely live on the mission field but she had no vision of that . After crying and praying they all came back over to me . Rebecca dried up her tears and the Mrs . Redick pulled a fast one on me . " Why don 't you walk her to her dorm ? In the car on the way to the Hotel the Redicks told me they thought she was a fine girl and would be a wonderful missionary wife someday . hey also promised to pray for me in regards to this matter . nce again everything was put on the back burner and I didn 't even think about her until Holiness Conference . I was looking forward to the Holiness Conference . I was asking the Lord to draw me closer to Him and teach me new things . What I wasn 't ready for was a courtship . Just before one of the services my dad rushed up to me and said " I 've got to talk to you " . I could tell by his tone of voice that something was up . But , what I couldn 't tell was if I was in trouble or something was wrong . He pulled me aside and said " Is there anything going on between you and RC ( Dad 's term for Rebecca ) . I said " No , why ? " " Well , Pastor Hollansworth came up to me and told me he thought you and Rebecca both had wonderful hearts for ministry and would make a great couple to go to the mission field together . " I was shocked ! He doesn 't even live at Falls . He only taught a 2 week block on Isaiah . My next question was " Have I done anything wrong ? Did I conduct myself inappropriately ? " " No " dad said . " Mr . Hollandsworth said that you both conducted yourself uprightly . " Dad thought he needed to talk to Pastor Hollandsworth more and find out what he was thinking . After another talk with Pastor Hollandsworth Dad also found that Mrs . Hollansworth also was all excited about it as well . Soon Pastor Hollandsworth , Dad , Mom , and I were in the conference room talking about starting a courtship . Next we had a talk with Dr . Jim . Dad says that my eyes were the size of dinner plates . I was not surprised about the person or that others could see it . ( Earlier that year I was talking to Wes about his engagement and he said I should court Rebecca . Coming from Wes that meant something to me . ) I was taken back at the timing . I struggled with being passive . I wanted mom and dad to tell me what they wanted to do but Dad wasn 't about to do it . Dr . Jim finally told me that I could not be passive . I needed to make a decision . Well I said to go for it and then came the debate of who would make the phone call . Dad thought I should simply to make me sweat , but I thought that he should make the call . Soon it was decided for dad to make the phone call . We determined thaThen Mr . Clark somehow lost our phone number and so he called the Napuunoa 's to get the phone number . He then called dad and asked " How soon do you need an answer ? " My dad told him that we weren 't in any hurry . ( Sure we weren 't in a hurry but boy did we want an answer . I think my parents were more antsy than I was . ) When I found that he called the Nap 's I wanted to make sure they didn 't know I was courting . I had heard that Sharon was courting some guy from Rochester and I figured I better investigate . I called the Nap 's and Mr . Nap said nothing about a phone call from Mr . Clark . As I talked with all the children I found all sorts of information about Sharon 's guy Joe Grimaldi . He was supposable a lot like me . What they didn 't know was I knew that this Joe went to Rebecca 's church . Sharron had met him at Fort Dodge . Later that weekend I called back to talk to Mrs . Nap because if she received the phone call she would be sure to ask me about it . She said nothing . One of the boys must have got the call and thought nothing of it . Mrs . Nap told me all about Sharron 's courtship . She also asked about my status . I told her nothing . I explained a little how courtship works BCM style and she was all for it . She encouraged me and told me that she was daily praying for me . Coming from her that meant a lot . What I wasn 't ready for was a call slip from the office to see Mr . Sholtz . " What could this be about ? " I thought . Mr . Sholtz asked me point blank " what was going on between you and Rebecca Clark ? " Come to find out he didn 't know anything about what had happened during the Holiness Conference ( I guess that the administration doesn 't communicate to well ) . I explained everything to him and he told me about the phone call he received from Mr . Clark . Apparently Mr . Clark called and said that I had permission to court his daughter . Mr . Sholtz had to stop him and ask who he was even talking about . Mr . Sholtz then recommended that the Clark family get to know me . Wheee ! ! Spring Break was interesting that year . Rebecca had Christi and Julian going home with her and I had Benji and Jeremy going home with me . Dad was hopping to meet their family at Albert Lee or something but we never got a phone call . Dad completely blew the cover in my car on the way to prayer meeting . Jeremy was in the back seat spacing out when dad made a direct refereWe also found a little mud over spring break ! ! Next thing I knew my Dad and her dad thought I should call and talk to Mr . Clark . ( it was my turn to sweat bullets . I did and offered to come and make a visit . Next thing I know my trip to visit Cousin Jimmy in Chicago changed to visiting the Clarks in Lake City . When I called Jimmy to cancel and said I was making a trip to visit a girl 's dad . He asked where and I said Lake City , MN . " I know exactly where that is " he said . " How ? " I asked . He told me that it was close to Lake Pippen where they had gone fishing with the boats for years . He was excited about the trip for me . Before I left Pastor Van wanted to talk to me . We had a good little talk and he was not at all surprised at what was going on . Once again he wanted all the details . I got some good questions from him to ask Mr . Clark . Later when I was getting the special request form from Mr . Overmiller he wanted all the details . I became tired of telling the story on a one by one basis . Especial when it was a secret . I called Mr . Clark to get the address and find how to get there . I had some gut retching feeling that I need to find it on a map before I make a fool of myself looking for it . I wanted to look online but if I was online I needed a buddy who could see what I was looking at . I managed to do it and used Google Earth to scan up and down the road that she lived on . After pinpointing what I thought was the house I asked Rebecca to verify . Nope , I didn 't get it right . I missed the turn onto her road from 4 . I didn 't remember that in the directions her dad gave and I wrote everything down . Either he forgot or I was so excited I didn 't hear . Good thing I asked her . Soon I was in my car an on the way . As I left Falls I called them to let them know when I was leaving . Jenny answered the phone . She was very short and to the point just like the other time she talked to me . I laughed to myself and set off . I figured it wouldn 't be bad to listen to Pastor Van 's courtship seminar again . All four hours in one sitting . At about 5 : 30 p . m . I pulled out the sandwich that Leah Fruen had made me . She asked me what I wanted on it and I said " The works " . Boy , did she ever give me the works . I could early fit it in my mouth . As a result I dropped a large tomato on my only dress shirt which was a white one . " Great " I thought . I 'm going to meet the Clarks for the first time with a large tomato stain on my shirt . With water I managed to get it out while driving but not without work . Just as I pulled of the interstate I stopped at a gas station to gas up and use the restroom . I called again to let them know that I was getting close . I began to get nervous . Things that I don 't normally care about all of a sudden I did . " Is my shirt tucked in ? Does my back seat look clean ? I better just be myself ! " I stopped my car at an entrance to a farmer 's field to tuck in my shirt though . Next thing I know I 'm at their house . It was dark and as soon as I opened my door her come the two dogs . Duke was excited to see a new stranger . With two paws he poThat night I couldn 't sleep . Why I don 't know , strange room , excitement , anxiety or maybe the ice - cream . 5 : 00 I was up . No more sleep for me I was bright eyed and bushy tailed . I hit the shower and dressed for the day . Then I sat on the bed and did my devotions and then studied for my Contemporary Theology Mid - term . At about 6 : 30 I heard Amanda come downstairs . I made my way out , put on my bibs and went out to help with the chores . I didn 't know what I was doing . Sure I had been to dairy farms before , sure I had milked a cow before , but I had no idea what to do and in what order . Amanda , Jenny , and Gabby were content to let me stand around and watch but I wasn 't going to do that . I told Amanda if she didn 't tell me what to do I wouldn 't know what to do . She gave me a shovel and told me to scoop poop . Great ! A task that I can handle at least I felt useful . I had several questions about the milking operation they ran and enjoyed helping out . After milking the cows Amanda and I went to help Sarah get the horses in . Once we were all done we went back to the house . Going to the swap meet was ruled out because of the cold and the wind . It was decided to go to an auction and pick up some dishwashers . On the way there the girls asked a lot of questions about names ( my mom , dad , brother ) and then they had me guessing on all of their names . I forgot all the middle names except for Rebecca 's . It was one of those auctions that had a lot of junk , slow auctioneer who didn 't know a lot about his stuff , and outside in the cold biting wind . The girls had walked to the hospital to visit someone so seeing the type of auction it was Mr . Clark and I made our way to the Hospital . Once we got inside it was a mess trying to find the right room . A couple times he said " You 're from town , you should know how to get around in here . " I laughed to myself because this hospital had the dumbest numbering system . We were sent to room 364 in some wing or something like that . We were directed to the wing but once we got to the third floor the numBack to the auction and the guy still hadn 't moved much . The girls waited in the truck while Mr . Clark and I stood around . He asked some questions about he mission field I was going to and graduation . Not a lot of talk . Then the auctioneer got to some tools . Next thing I know he buys a ton of tools . Off to the truck I go with a hand full of tools . As I approached the truck I noticed that the girls had the back window completely steamed up . ( Lot of gabbing I guess . ) I threw the tools in the back and then opened the door and told them their dad wanted them to help carrying tools . They all filed out and we all grabbed hand full 's of tools . Then we all stood around as Mr . Clark bought rags and other things . Finally we got to the washing machines . Once we bought them there they go racing down the street . Jenny tipped hers over . Lily decides she wants this large radio / record player for $ 1 . " It wasn 't worth lifting " I told her . I think at that point her tongue came out at me . Once the truck was packed with junk we headed down the road . Before long a lid from one of the washing machines flew out and I had to run out and get it . Once back at the house we unloaded the truck , cleaned the gutters , and milked the cows and then I don 't remember what we did . I know by evening we sat around and talked again except this time the girls were sent to bed at about 11 : 00 and Mr . Clark and I had a talk . This was the talk we had been waiting for I guess . I had my list of questions and he had his . His hardest question and yet easy to answer was " Why Rebecca ? " All I needed to do was explain what God had been doing in my heart and through my parents . I felt as if I understood where he was coming from and he now knew where I was coming from . So at about 1 : 00 we went to bed . Just as I was getting ready for bed one of the pesky bloody noses came . Great ! It was time to sleep and I got a bloody nose and I 'm in the room with new carpet . I did what I could in the sink and then just tied my bandana around my head and laid my extra sheets over theiMrs . Grimaldi came up to me and introduced herself . When she heard my name she asked if she should know me . Knowing that Mrs . Nap has told her about me I smiled and Said " no , you shouldn 't know me " ( At least I hope not ) Sitting quietly in my seat the next thing I knew there were bus kids all around me and boy were they wound up . One boy turned around and out of the blue slapped the kid next to me . After Church I made my way to my car to leave . There I simply left the church and waited on a side street for the Clark van to pass . In my mind I was wondering what to do . Mr . Clark had no idea where I was or what I was doing . And if I tried to talk to him it might blow all cover . I simply sat and hoped for the best . Soon there went he van . I had written down directions in case I lost them but I didn 't need them . After eating lunch at the house Mr . Clark , Lilly , Jenny , Gabby , and I went to the bottoms to look around . I was quizzed about my types of trees and miserably failed . I should have paid more attention when I was little . At one point Jenny , gabby , and I went one way and Mr . Clark and Lilly went another . After exporting around we made our way back to the road . Mr . Clark and Lilly had moved the van and were hiding behind a tree on the hill . I saw them and wondered what they were up to . When the realized we saw them they came out and met us on the road . We chatted for a minute or two then he sent me to the van except he pointed the wrong direction . I was smart enough to say " Sure " and walk toward the van . He didn 't get me that time . As we drove around he told me to pick up some snake weed on the side of the road . I did and sure enough he started to drive off . I should have known better . When we got back to the house he told me to get the mail . I fell for it again . ( We get lots of mail on Sunday at my place so why wouldn 't they get it here ? ) This time on the way to church I rode with the Clarks . I waited in the back of the van after they all had gone in . Finally , about 10 minutes late I walked in . If only people could be on time ! Cars kept coming and I couldn 't let anyone see me get out of their van . When the invitation was given I went toward the isle and headed for the back . I was just praying that no one would try to catch me and give me the Gospel . I knew It would be hard to explain why I was leaving early . I opened the hatch to the Clark 's van and got in . If it wasn 't for Amanda seeing me as she got in none of the Clarks knew where I was . That night we stayed up late telling jokes and lateral thinking puzzles . Finally at about 2 : 00 I went to bed . By this point all the girls felt comfortable around me . They got a kick out of a guy doing dishes . Also the girls had told me a few different times that I think like their dad . I figured that was a good thing if I was to be marrying Rebecca . Monday morning when 5 : 30 hit it was harder to wake up . After chores we all came back in the house . The girls made breakfast while I washed dishes . Rice was on the menu . I don 't remember what Lilly said but I dished her very little rice then served all the other girls . While serving others she flung some rice at my face . If that was the way it was then I would get her back . She handed me her bowl for more rice and I picked the rice off of my face and put in her bowl and then put more rice in . I was ornery and so was she ! Cutting wood was on the agenda for the day . It felt good to work again . College had made me into a lazy bum . Mr . Clark gave me the Sthil 026 and I went to work . When there was no more for me to cut up I would help the girls put the wood in the wagon . I hustled them and wore myself out but I wasn 't going to let them know that . Lilly was stacking the big pieces in the back of the truck for weight . I told her she was moving to slow if I could get them to her faster than she could stack them . I think I ran a few over her toes . ( She survived ) Once the wagon and truck were full we cut down a few trees and left them to be picked up later . Then we went a drove down around the fields . Mr . Clark stopped the truck and we all got out to go down to the river . Standing on the sandbar we skipped rocks . I was doing unusually well . Several of my rocks went all the way across the river . Lilly couldn 't skip a rock if her life depended upon it . I tried helping her but it 's one of those skills that just takes time . Once we were back at the house we ate potato soup . I was starving when I came to the table , but half way through my bowl I was full . I don 't know what was wrong with me . I had worked hard and was hungry and the soup was the best I have had in a long time but for some reason I wasn 't hungry . After lunch I went out to help clean the gutters . Whenever I clean the gutters I try to race the other girls . Jenny always complains that I fill up the chain so she can 't . I just like to keep her moving . After changing my cloths I packed up to leave . I was given some cookies and banana bread for the road . The banana bread was in a bag with the words " Jason We love you big brother . " As I sat down in my car and found an envelope with my name on it . I thought that was funny . I thought I cleaned out my car before I came and I don 't remember receiving any mail . In the light it looked like money was inside . Boy , was I puzzled . I opened the envelope out of curiosity . It was a note from jenny . I found both notes meaningful and special . I hit the road and called mom and dad . I was tired and had a long way to drive . I talked about my weekend and they listened . Then dad talked about what he was looking at on Google Earth . ( Anything to keep me from swerving off the road was great ) I also tried studying for Contemporary Theology but to no avail . I was beat ! In summery of the weekend I had a wonderful time . The entire weekend I found strange . Here I was spending time with Rebecca 's family to get to know them and my mind was not on Rebecca at all . I was so absorbed in the family and had such a great time she didn 't matter . This was neat to me because it was as if God was confirming that this was not simply a fleshly desire of mine but it was a gift from Him . If I was pushing it I would be putting on a show for her family and trying to get them to like me . My thoughts would have been consumed with Rebecca and what I need to go to get the family on board with me courting her . Also I caught myself acting and talking like Mr . Clark . I suppose that is a good thing at least for a while . During this whole time I have neglected to mention my contact with Pastor Vanderhart . Before Spring break I called Pastor Scott and he was sure excited about it . His wife reminded me about her book 101 reasons not to marry Jason W . Miller . I 'll never forget what Pastor Scott said . " You mean to tell me that you 're looking at marrying a girl within a year and she doesn 't know yet ? " When I told Pastor Vanderhart he was very calm and collected about it . Excited , but just not vocal . Now Dad has talked to Mr . Clark about having Rebecca and one of her sisters come and visit my family the weekend of May 15th . We will see what happens . I am in process of getting her a promise book for graduation and a rose . Getting it to her might be a problem if I need to keep it a secret . I 'll do my best . Pastor Holandsworth and his family came to church for the first official time tonight . He asked me about how things were going and I told him . He was excited for me and wanted me to keep him in touch . Sunday , May 11 , 2008 Today was the big day to give her the graduation gift ( Card , flowers , and Promise book ) . Saturday night Mr . Ryan called me to tell me that he couldn 't pick up the rose for me . I went to the store and instead of getting one rose I ended up with 6 tulips . ( I told dad on the phone that I didn 't know what was wrong with me spending that kind of money . ) When I got back to the dorm the Holloway dorm was just showing up , but they didn 't see the flowers . I had planned for Christi Willis to take Rebecca to the park benches where I studied last semester before my bike was stolen . When I Got up in the morning I discovered that it had rained almost all night and was still raining . I called to get the weather info and found that it was going to rain all day . My idea wouldn 't work and I needed a quick solution . I went to Mr . Ryan to see if he had any good ideas . He recommended Mr . Zemple 's office . " Great Idea ! " I thought . Then Mr . Ryan tells me that he has a rose for me in the fridge . I guess I ended up with 6 tulips and a rose . At school I transferred the flowers from Mr . Ryan 's trunk to my car . Then Chris Sanderlin put them in Mr . Zemple 's office . ( Chris knows I Courting but not who ) There I waited for the Girls . Rebecca was completely surprised . She had a hard time holding back the laughter . Christi did her share of laughing as well . Rebecca read the card and the note in the beginning of the promise book . I shared with her a bit about what I was expecting form the relationship ( Christ centered focus ) . We took a picture and then they left and I waited for about fifteen minutes before I left . As I exited the Church there the two girls were walking around . I said something and found that Rebecca was so high on cloud nine that she couldn 't go back to the dorm before she cooled off . ( At least she 's excited about it . ) Graduation night her family showed up . I come into contact with them when Ayron calls me and says we need to lift a van . Mrs . Cain had got her back wheel stuck in the ditch at the girl 's dorm . As the night went on I had brief contact with the Clarks although more than expected . During the graduation ceremony I caught Rebecca 's eyes a few times and boy did that light up her face . I was so glad for her . Afterwards at the reception little interaction was made but I did find myself staying in close proximity to her family . When the reception was almost over she wanted to get a picture of the two of us in the hallway . Great ! I suggested we do it down stairs . Once again Christi Willis was there to take the picture for us . I went out to their van to pick on Hannah . Mr . Clark sent me in to round up the rest of the family and get them out the door . Before she left she had one more question for me ( or I had one for her ) . After we stood with Gabby in front of Mr . Hohl 's office and answered each others questions . Gabby gave me a big hug . To me nothing said was as good as Gabby 's hug . I guess the family likes me . Tuesday , May 13 , 2008 Tuesday after graduation Mom and I went shopping for a Birthday gift . I guess all the Dutch and scotch in my blood ran dry . I had a set dollar amount and spent about twice what I was expecting . Mom had all these crazy ideas of what to get and I couldn 't find anything that was simple , sweet , and fit her personality . Finally , I found it . Talking on the phone has been a little awkward . I want to wait to share my ministry burden until I can talk to her face to face . This keeps conversation pretty frivolous although I think it does help us get comfortable in our relationship with each other . I don 't know what to say and she doesn 't either . We basically end up teasing each other over the phone . ( Not what most people do I guess . ) Friday , May 16 , 2008 Monday , May 19 , 2008 The weekend went very fast . I hope I can recall everything . She showed up Friday at about noon with her sister Jenny . After eating lunch with Mom and Dad , Jenny and Dad went to the barn to reassemble a deck on a lawn mower . Rebecca and I sat at the picnic table and I was able to tell her about the call God has on my life to serve in Asia . Things went a little slow at first , but once the ball got rolling we covered a lot of ground . After sitting a while we took a walk . Friday night we played Dutch Blitz and Dirty UNO . Everyone had a great time . We decided to go to Aunt Jo Ann 's in the morning so I packed the fishing gear in the back of my car and headed to Pastor Vanderhart 's for the night . When I arrived at the Vanderhart 's pastor was already asleep but Donna was still up . Donna had a lot of questions and we stayed up until midnight talking . The next morning Mom , Rebecca , and Jenny showed up for prayer meeting . It was a wonderful prayer meeting as usual . Rebecca commented later that it was sweet to hear the simple faith that the people there expressed . She said after about an hour she looked at her watch and couldn 't believe how fast it went . After the prayer meeting all the introductions began to happen . Donna gave me the thumbs up . Finally we made it on the road . Mom was hungry so we stopped for breakfast in Pleasantville then she remembered flowers for the graves and we stopped in Knoxville . After visiting the graves we finally arrived at Aunt Jo Ann 's at about noon . After introductions we sat and watched Aunt Jo Ann finish cooking the mushrooms and fish . After lunch Jenny , Rebecca , and I headed down to the ponds to go fishing . Neither of the girls knew how to fish and I knew I was in for a treat . Rebecca had gotten a sun burn the day before so Mom wanted her to be extra careful . She had my fishing hat on and Jenny had my palm leaf hat . Both of them looked cute as a button . First , I got Rebecca going and casting was fun to watch . After about three tries she had it . Then when I waTuesday , May 20 , 2008 Today I spent my morning tracking down a transfer case for the Clark 's van . The lowest price they could get was about $ 500 . I found one for $ 225 . I guess on Thursday I will drive it up to them and then spend a few days and head out for camp joy . Thursday , May 22 , 2008 Today I picked up the transfer case in Ames , IA and headed up to Lake City . Laura Frueh will be there when I get there and it should be a surprise to her . At about noon I showed up and helped the girls in the garden . Laura and Becca came home at about 1 : 00 after getting parts in town . Laura was not to surprised . Becca needed to trim the horses hooves so I was her volunteered sidekick . Between the two of us we got the job done and it was fun to learn from her . That afternoon Laura , Becca , and I went for a horse ride . Becca and I were able to spend some quality time together . Friday morning I was up at the crack of dawn . It was cold in the camper and I woke up and was ready for the day . I knew the cows needed brought in so I went to get them . The only problem I had was I didn 't know where they were . I ended up way back in a back pasture and walked for almost one hour . Upon returning to go a different direction Jenny came up the lane . The cows were in the south pasture and didn 't know it . Into the barn for milking for them . Today we went as a large group riding horses . We went to the lookout over their property and to the cave they have on their property . I enjoyed spending time with each of the Clark girls they are a lot of fun . That night we played Dutch Blitz until 1 : 00 am . By the time I went to bed it was 2 : 00 am . Not to good if I will be driving the next day . Saturday became interesting trying to get laura out to the airport . Abby ( Gabby ) , Becca , Laura , and I headed of to the Minneapolis airport . I thought we were going to Rochester so I didn 't bring anything along . Opps ! Gabby and I threw my Tiger Balm at each other and kept ourselves entertained . She also listened to me quote Galatians 1 . Upon arriving at the airport I carried Laura 's stuff in and got her in the right line . Once back in the car we were on our way back to the Clark home . We needed to make a pit stop and so at the gas station I forced Gabby and Becca to get something to drink . They were not use to this and I could tell . ( I guess the Vanderhart 's trained me well . ) Conversation on the way home was hard to get rolling as usual . We finally discussed what each other liked for gifts and how we think concerning that . Also we talked about what we enjoyed doing as children . I am endeavoring to find how her mind thinks and what she likes , but I don 't feel so good at doing it . At the Clarks home we ate lunch and finally left for camp at about 2 : 00 am . Lillian was our special guest who would ride back home on a bus from Milwaukee . Upon stopping for gas I forced Lillian and Becca to get something again and they once again were taken back . During the car ride Becca was working on her " Principles and standards " assignment for camp Joy . Conversation happened but not two much . I had coupons for Culvers ice cream so we stopped . Lillian and I walked by the drive through and I waved inside . Her face turned as read as a tomato . When we finally arrived at camp I parked my car behind the maze and walked up to the lodge while the girls waited in the car . ( We didn 't want everyone to know right away . ) No one was too good at communicating because I walked around for 10 minutes looking for what I was to do . Finally someone caught me and about that time Becca and her sister came in . Lillian stayed with us until the bus left on Monday morning . Leaking out the courtship was fun . People would see us sitting together and say things later in private . I still find it funny calling her my " Girlfriend " . One person thought we were siblings and someone else thought I was courting Lillian . Either way we are having fun with the whole thing . Sunday , June 01 , 2008 We made it through training week . I don 't know what to say at this point . We are communicating more but still learning how to communicate . I got her a blue rose this last week and she wasn 't expecting that . We had a time of prayer together and I discovered if I want to know Becca mentally I need to talk to her , but if I want to see into her soul I need to pray with her . We also walked through Galatians 1 together and discussed the content . I can 't wait for all God has . The first week of camp is over . It was a little rough and different not talking to Becca . I discovered that my mail box key at camp opens many other boxes other than mine . Conveniently it opens Becca 's box . I have slipped little notes to her all week long ( Camp did give us permission to exchange notes ) . Sunday night we went to Mukwonago Baptist Church and the BCM ensemble was there . It was a little fun watching the reactions of those who didn 't know about it . Alonso Ibara was the funniest . He saw me sitting with becca and a row of girls from camp and as I walked over to him he didn 't know what to say . Becca sat in her seat and watched his face tell all of his expression . Levi called me before I went to bed and said " congratulations and you 're a snipe " . We talked about it a little bit and he laughed at some of the gymnastics I did to keep it a secret . This week Miss Small came to camp on Thursday and was excited to see me . She wanted to ask about the courtship . She told me that she had been praying for Becca and I to get together since my freshmen year . She saw it before I did . I never heard a word from her until now and that was best . Thursday Scott Hatchet asked the counselor guys if anyone would be willing to take a road trip to Winchester , VA to pick up lazer tag equipment for camp . I volunteered because I didn 't have any campers and for anyone else to do it they would need to leave their campers . Becca and I wanted to go with Miss Case to Falls Baptist Church this weekend , but Camp Joy said no for this weekend . Multiple times in passing we both expressed that we were looking forward to spending time with each other on the weekend . That won 't happen now , but I told her that the ministry will always come first as well as absence makes the heart grow fonder . She was all for me and I was glad to see that . See is going to call me as we travel so I will talk to her this weekend . Benji called me as I was resting to prepare for the long trip . I told him the good news and he giggled with excitement andIt has been a long time since I wrote in this journal . The Lord blessed throughout the summer and our relationship grew rapidly . The Goforth ministry trip was combined with the Judson trip and she was able to be with me in Ireland . We had a wonderful time . It was very hard for her to say good by after the trip , but she managed to do so . ( I had a hard time too ) . Although everyone knew we were courting we could not be seen together at the school . We finally Got engaged on September 26th . Nathaniel Stienbart and his sister went with Becca and I to have a " Picknic " at pike lake state park . We walked up a long trail to a tower that is at the highest point in the area . There at the top of the tower I proposed . She laughed at me . She then said yes . I put the ring on her finger and we ate supper . I now am in the hospital after having my appendix taken out . ( Adam got his wife from his rib , I must get mine from an appendix ) May 23 , 2009 Finally the day we got married . What a blessing from the Lord . If you wonder why I 'm not saying much here it is because I am writing this two years after the fact . I don 't remember all the details now . Yes … We are happily married ! I just can 't go back in time and recount all the blessings that God has done . I will however do my best to remember some of the things he has done in more recent years . Once I play a little catch up with this blog I imagine that it will be a little easier to maintain . Please enjoy and feel free to leave comments of how God is at work in your life blessing you . O taste and see that the LORD is good … ( Psalm 34 : 8 ) Blessed be the Lord , who daily loadeth us with benefits , even the God of our salvation . ( Psalm 68 : 19 ) O that men would praise the Lord for His goodness , and for His wonderful works to the children of men . ( Ps . 107 : 8 ) . . . the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance ? ( Romans 2 : 4 ) God is so good to us and yet so often we don 't recognize all the blessings He gives . It is not that we don 't receive those blessings ; but rather , we don 't recognize all the things He does for us every day . The purpose of this blog is to share the goodness that God has bestowed upon our family . It is so marvelous when God works on our behalf , but so often we are like the children of Israel and forget what God has done . I hope you enjoy reading about God 's goodness as we learn to praise the Lord for His goodness to us . Contributors |
Ethan sat in Dr . Herbert 's office waiting room with Mom , feeling terribly embarrassed and ashamed . Had he known he needed to get a physical before going to hockey camp he would have resisted the idea more firmly . He was filled with dread at having to be naked in front of the doctor . One of the nurses was very pretty . She was the one who called him in and smiled at him . In his nervousness , he began to get aroused by thinking about her . His mind wandered as he imagined her naked , and a stiffness grew in his pants . Just at the moment when , in his imagination , the nurse was bending over and pulling up her crisp , white skirt for him , Dr . Herbert walked in . He was an older man , heavy set , with graying hair and bald except for a trim over his ears , sad eyes and a round nose . He wore reading glasses , which rested low on his nose , and he was reading from a chart he held at about his belly . He had been Ethan 's doctor since Ethan was born . Ethan smiled absently . He wasn 't thinking about hockey . He had an erection that wouldn 't go down and now he was worried about the doctor , or worse , one of the nurses , seeing it . " There 's nothing to worry about , Ethan . This is just a physical so I won 't be sticking you with any needles . " He put down the clipboard and handed Ethan a small plastic cup . " First of all , I need a urine sample . If you could take that to the lavatory and fill it up for me . " Ethan took the cup and went to the lavatory . When he dropped his pants , his erection stood out long and stiff . He held the tiny cup in his shaking hand in front of his penis . It was difficult to pee with a hard - on , but after a few minutes he managed to get out enough to fill the cup . As he handed her the small , plastic cup , her eyes glanced down . Her smile dropped for a moment , then she looked up to his eyes again and her smile returned . He smiled back , but she quickly turned and walked down the hall . Dr . Herbert returned to the examination room shortly after Ethan . He asked Ethan to remove his shirt and examined his neck , throat , eyes and ears . He used the stethoscope to check his lungs , then asked Ethan to lower his pants and lie back . Ethan felt a moment of panic . He still had a painfully stiff erection that Dr . Herbert had not yet noticed . If he were to take his pants down there would be no way he could miss it . He would die of embarrassment . With his jeans down around his ankles and his erection standing straight up , Ethan laid back on the examination table . He squeezed his eyes shut . He hated his body for doing this to him . To Ethan 's horror , Dr . Herbert put one hand around Ethan 's erection and felt his balls with the other . The rubber gloves felt strangely cold on his warm skin . His eyes opened wide and he gasped . " Sorry , " the doctor said , and let go . He pulled the gloves off . " I 'm gonna ask the nurse to come in and test your bladder . It 's a simple procedure . I 'll need you to leave your pants down . " Dr . Herbert went out . Ethan wanted to run . With all his life , he wanted to run away from this place as fast as he could . Yet , he was paralyzed . There was no way he could get away . It was a long time before the door opened and a nurse came in . It was the pretty one . Immediately , the memory of the image of her bending over came back to his mind and his penis throbbed involuntarily . He thought he was gonna die . She did not see him as soon as she came in . She went right to the counter and set a few items on it and pulled on a pair of rubber gloves . Ethan watched her back . When she turned around she saw his penis and stopped suddenly , dropping one of the items in her hand . Ethan couldn 't take his eyes off her . Her face glowed bright red . Her body was all perfect curves beneath her tight , white uniform . He longed to reach out and touch her . He wanted to put his hands on her breasts . He loved the way they pushed out the front of her uniform , and he was dying to find out what they felt like . None of this did anything to help make his erection go down . If anything , it only made it harder . And he knew what happened when he had days like this . He wound up having wet dreams at night . Sometimes he would remember part of the dream when he woke up . Many times he knew the girl he had dreamed of having sex with . But every time , and almost every night , it seemed , he woke up with a puddle in his pajamas . A few times when he had soiled them and taken them off he had done it again , staining the sheets . " I 'm nurse Thomas , " she said . Ethan held his breath . Even her voice was sexy . " This is a Foley catheter , " she continued , holding up a long , thin rubber tube in one hand . " And this is a special fluid we will inject into your bladder . " She held up a clear package of fluid . " You might feel some discomfort , but you shouldn 't feel any pain . " She nodded and gave him a little smile . She tentatively held her open hand out , like she was afraid to touch his penis . When she did , she held it delicately between two fingers . Ethan held his breath . The rubber gloves on her hand felt strange on his penis . It felt better than Dr . Herbert 's hand . He silently wished she would put her whole hand around it and move it up and down , like he did sometimes when he was alone . Sometime he could get himself off by doing that . He would give anything if she would do it for him . Nurse Thomas ' hand was shaking as she tried to insert the end of the tube into the hole at the end of his penis . Ethan watched her , propped up on his elbows . Finally , she closed her whole hand around his shaft to hold herself steady and managed to insert the end of the rubber tube . Ethan gasped as she fed it into his penis . The tube itself felt rather strange , but her hand squeezed his shaft tightly and moved up and down slightly . He had to bite his lip to keep himself under control . She let go of it to pick up the bag of fluid . The attachment end of the catheter tube dangled over the head of his penis . She attached the container of fluid to it . She operated a plunger on the bag , pushing it in slowly . Ethan gasped . He could feel the fluid rushing through the rubber tube inserted in his penis and filling his bladder . Ethan strained to hold it . It was like having to pee really bad . When the end of the tube came out , some of the fluid squirted out with it , staining Nurse Thomas ' rubber gloves and spilling on his groin . It had a warm , oily feel . Nurse Thomas took the used equipment to the counter and came back with another device . It looked something like the arm band of a blood pressure tester , with a spongy , moist material on the inside and a cap - like part dangling on the end . She tried to wrap it around the shaft of his penis . Obviously , it didn 't fit . " Hm . I 'll have to get an adult size , " she said . " Now don 't move . " She went out , leaving the door open . Ethan gritted his teeth . It became difficult to hold the fluid in . His erection throbbed painfully . The shaft and head had turned a deep purplish color . He wanted to grab it and jerk himself off , but he was afraid he would let the fluid out and get in trouble . Ethan was trying to figure out what they meant about his penis when the door opened and the other nurse came in . Ethan stiffened up . She looked at him , then her eyes dropped to his penis and widened . Ethan smiled back . She was pretty , but not as pretty as Nurse Thomas . She had short , curly hair , a round , pudgy face , and wide , overweight hips . In her hands was the same kind of thing Nurse Thomas had tried to put around his penis , only bigger . She put her hand around his shaft and squeezed . Ethan gasped . Her warm hand felt great , especially when she moved it up and down . She did that for about a minute , staring at it like it was a piece of food she was hungry to eat . Ethan closed his eyes , breathing hard . It felt so good he hoped she never stopped . Then , abruptly , she wrapped the strange device around the shaft of his penis and pulled it tight , making Ethan gasp again . It was held on with velcro . She placed the cap on the end over the head of his penis . Ethan was paralyzed . His mouth hung open . The strange device had clamped itself around his penis like a vice and the wet , spongy material made his whole penis feel itchy and tingly . It was like having a thousand tiny hands rubbing him all at once . The cap over the head felt tight . He began to fear that his penis was going to explode . " Him . Guys with big dicks always go around thinking they 're the greatest thing to walk the Earth because of the size of their dick swinging between their legs . They think all they gotta do is stick it in a girl and they 're the greatest lover she 's ever had . He 's got the biggest one , so he 'll be the worst . " She went to the counter and got a bulbous container with a wide , tubular opening . She removed the spongy strap from around his penis and he was terribly relieved . The itching and tingling were beginning to drive him nuts . Ethan sat up at the edge . His long , thick , aching penis stuck straight out . Nurse Thomas put her hand around it and guided the end into the tubular opening at the top of the container . Ethan relaxed . The urge to pee had gone . Instead , he felt something flowing slowly through his penis . He was breathing shallow and rapid . He grunted and whatever strange thing it was began to come out of his penis . The clear , oily fluid had turned to a thick , bluish gel that flowed slowly from his penis into the container . Ethan watched in fascination with his legs spread wide . It took several minutes for all of it to come out , and Nurse Thomas held his penis the entire time . Ethan gasped and came . A great glob of white semen leapt from the head of his cock and landed on the front of her uniform . Nurse Thomas gave a short cry of surprise . His cum continued to gush out over her hands . She tried to get the towel over his penis to catch it . On his way back to the waiting room he passed the nurse 's office . His mother was there , as was Nurse Thomas , with her back to the door . Dr . Herbert went in to talk to her . Ethan sat down on a chair outside the office to listen . Mom chuckled . " Oh , yes . I 'm not surprised . His father was hung , too . I mean well - endowed . He once told me it is a trait of all the McCullen men . " He went on , but Ethan didn 't listen . His mind was working on what Mom had said . His father was hung like this , too . All the McCullen men had abnormally large penises . Ethan began to forget his shame and embarrassment . For the first time he began to feel proud of what he had between his legs . Nurse Thomas came out and stood beside him . He looked at her . She was smiling at him . On the front of her uniform was a big stain where he had shot his cum , and her nipples were hard points showing through the white fabric . Ethan couldn 't have been more excited . The first week of hockey camp had been a blast . He had learned quickly he was a much better skater than last year , and that he was as good or better than most of the other guys there , even some of the older guys . He had learned new ways to score and how to hit someone hard against the boards . Now he was looking forward to the start of the season so he could try out all the new stuff he was learning . However , all of that came to a screeching halt when the head counselor announced to all the boys in the camp the activity for Saturday night was a special trip down the road to a girl 's equestrian camp . Ethan had to ask his cabin counselor what equestrian meant . When he found out the evening with the girls would consist of a barbecue cookout and dancing , Ethan was horrified . There was nothing worse he could have imagined than spending an entire evening with a bunch of girls , and possibly having to dance with one of them . He dreaded Saturday night until it arrived . On the bus ride to the girl 's camp he sat at the back , brooding silently . He had nothing to look forward to but a night of humiliation and he resented the counselors for putting him through it . All the counselors except Ramona , of course . Ramona was the camp 's trainer . Every guy there had a crush on her , especially Ethan . Ramona , or Mona as the guys called her , was part Mexican and had long , straight black hair , dark eyes , dark , tanned skin and a great body . When the guys were alone , some would talk obscenely about what they would do if they had a chance to get their hands on her body . Ethan always kept quiet . He had too much respect for her . He called her by her real name , Ramona . He liked her too much to say anything mean about her . He peeked over the top of the seat at her . She was sitting up at the front with the other counselors , laughing at something one of them had said . She looked ravishing . The thought of her naked body lying beneath him had given him a hard on , and it strained against the front of his jeans . It ached painfully . He wanted to get back to the camp so he could get himself off and make it go down , and they weren 't even at the girl 's camp yet . They ate after the girls gave them a tour of the camp and let them ride some of the horses . Shortly after eating , the dancing started . It had begun to get dark and a string of lights was turned on around a square set up in the yard . The counselors from both camps were the first to dance . Some of the guys from Ethan 's camp joined some of the girls and danced . Ethan tried to stay hidden among a group of guys , hoping someone wouldn 't make him dance with one of the girls . He was more interested in watching Ramona dance . She looked so exotic when she moved . She wore tight , faded jeans and a snug white sweater . He was practically drooling . Every song she danced with a different guy , some of them the counselors from the hockey camp and some the counselors from the girl 's camp . Ethan wished he had the courage to ask her to dance with him . The guys Ethan was standing with were saying bawdy , crude things about Ramona , the women counselors from the girls camp , and even some of the girls . They spoke low so the counselors wouldn 't hear them and they chuckled quietly among themselves at their own jokes . He felt safe among them , until they suddenly became quiet . One of the girls was coming toward them . Every boy in the little group watched her approach . Ethan knew she was coming to ask one of them to dance . He prayed silently she would go up to Jimmy Amonte , the most outgoing guy in the camp . He seemed like the guy most girls wanted to go out with . And the girl coming toward them seemed like the type who 'd want to dance with him . She had long , sandy blonde hair and a pretty face . She wore faded jeans over cowboy boots and a tight grey pullover shirt that was cut off , revealing her slender middle . He felt her breath on his neck . Her body was warm against his and she felt so soft . He put his hands on her slender hips and let them rock slowly side to side . She pressed her body against his . He could feel her soft breasts against his chest . His erection had hardly gone down since the ride on the bus , and she was rubbing against it . He was certain she could feel it . How could she not ? He had been grateful for the darkness to hide it from anyone 's view . The slow song ended and a fast one started . Angie stepped back and Ethan hoped that meant they were done dancing . He felt awkward enough dancing to a slow song . The thought of having to do it to a fast song mortified him . Angie dragged him away from the lighted yard to the stables . They stopped at one of the stalls . A horse stuck its head out and Angie patted its nose . He felt much more at ease being away from all those other people and not having to dance . Molly encouraged him to pet her more and Ethan liked it . He finally started to relax . He turned to Angie to tell her how happy he was and she kissed him . Ethan 's words were stifled in his throat . He was too startled to react . Before he knew it , her wet tongue forced his lips apart and pushed into his mouth . It was the most exquisite sensation he 'd ever felt . Ethan didn 't know what to do . He simply let it happen . She rubbed her thigh against the inside of his leg , along the hard lump of his penis , and he thought he was going to get off right then . She was moaning softly in her throat . Ethan didn 't know what to do with his hands and put them on her waist . She lifted his left hand off her waist and moved it down to her ass . Angie dragged him into the stables . The inside of the stalls was very dark . Angie seemed to know her way around without lights , so Ethan let her lead . She found a wooden ladder and they went up to the loft . Some light from the moon and the party came in through a small window , giving them enough light to see . Against the wall was a pile of fresh hay , and Angie rolled into it , giggling . Ethan could hardly contain his excitement . Here was a beautiful girl who wanted to make out with him , and she had already let him touch her . There was no telling how far she might let him go . Ethan jumped into the pile of hay beside her and she laughed out loud . He landed upside down , laughing , and Angie rolled on top of him . She lowered her face and gently pressed her lips on his . She moaned again . He started by putting his hand on her waist , and he touched her bare middle where the top didn 't cover . She didn 't object , so he left it there . Then , slowly , he started moving his hand up until it was touching the bottom of her breast . He couldn 't believe how thrilling this was . Angie moaned and closed her eyes . Ethan 's mouth was open . He couldn 't believe he was actually touching a girl 's breast . It was the biggest goal of his entire life and here he was doing it . And it was so incredibly good . Angie leaned over and kissed him again . Ethan liked the feel of her breast so much he didn 't let go . He was afraid that if he did he might never touch one again . Ethan groaned . He could feel the warmth between her legs . He desperately wanted to put himself there . He moved his other hand down to her ass and rubbed it . She moved her hips , grinding herself on the hard lump in his pants . This was more than he could take . She was going to get him off in his pants . She unfastened her jeans . Ethan 's eyes were locked onto her hands as they worked . Angie unzipped the front and pushed them down . She wore lacy pink panties underneath . She pushed the jeans down below her knees , then pushed the panties down . Ethan stared at the small mound between her legs . It was like winning a prize he 'd never dreamed of reaching . It was the most beautiful sight he 'd ever seen . He noticed a light covering of hair on the mound . Down the center of the mound was what looked like a narrow slit . Was that it ? Was that where his penis was supposed to go ? He stared at it , but it was impossible to believe his large penis was supposed to go inside anything so tiny and delicate . Angie spread her thighs wider , with her knees bent up . She stared at Ethan with lusting eyes and an open , panting mouth . Her breasts were swollen and stretched the front of her shirt , and her hard nipples poked through the fabric . She looked so inviting . He felt such desire to climb on top of her and put his penis inside her , but he didn 't know if that was what she wanted . How was he supposed to know ? Was she waiting for him to ask , or just do it ? What if he did and she didn 't want him to ? Would he get in trouble ? He was so terribly confused . Ethan put his hand on her mound . It was surprisingly warm . The light wisps of curly hair on it were as soft as downy feathers . He did as she showed him and gently rubbed his middle finger over her slit . She tilted her head back and moaned . Ethan put his hand on her slit again and rubbed . Angie moaned again , but didn 't take her eyes away from his . She poked her tongue out and licked her lips . Her ass squirmed side to side on the hay . " Like this , " Angie said . She took his hand in hers , separated his fingers , and pushed his middle finger into her slit . " Push it in right there . But not too deep . I 'm a virgin and my Daddy wants me to stay that way . " Angie shrugged . " He wants me to be a virgin on my wedding night . He wants to make sure I don 't fool around with boys before then . " She giggled and covered her mouth with her hand . " He doesn 't want me to get pregnant but he doesn 't know I already fool around . I can suck them in my mouth and still be a virgin , and I can 't get pregnant . " Ethan 's eyes widened . Such an idea had never occurred to him . At first , the thought of putting his thing in Angie 's mouth was appalling , but the more he thought about it , the more he liked it . She put her hand on his thigh and rubbed the lump of his cock through his jeans . " Yeah . I know you got a really big one . I felt it when we were dancing . " Ethan thought about it for a second . She had her hand on his penis and she wanted him to show it to her . To do that , he 'd have to take his finger out of her pussy to unfasten his pants . He wanted to leave his finger inside her for as long as he could , but he also wanted to let her touch his penis , and especially put it in her mouth . He decided that was worth more than anything and unfastened his jeans . " Goodness , " Angie sighed . Her hand squeezed the shaft and pumped slowly . " I never saw one so big . " She giggled . " Now all the other girls are gonna wish they asked you to dance when I tell them about this . " Ethan was horrified by the thought that she would tell other girls about his penis , but he kept his mouth shut because he was more afraid she would stop rubbing him if he said anything . He bit his tongue and let her rub . She was going to get him off . He wanted to see if he could get her off , too , and reached for her pussy with his middle finger extended . Angie was breathing hard as she stared down at his penis . His hand snaked between her legs for her pussy and she spread them wider . Ethan watched her carefully . When she started to lean forward with her mouth opening , he knew she was going to suck on it . He pushed his hips up to meet her . Her red lips looked so soft and moist . He wanted to feel them on his penis . Ethan thought he knew , but he didn 't want it to be . They were so close . She was just about to put it in her mouth . He wanted to beg the counselors for a few more minutes , but how could he tell them it was for this ? fyre11 - 15 - 2007 , 10 : 00 PMI love this story ! I like how innocent the author is able to make him be . I loved the catheter part ! LOL I guess I like that nurses in white dresses with long needles and all . I think we 're all pulling for him to get to stick that hunk of meat in someplace dark and warm ! I 'd love to see another part of this . Cheers ! Gary shook his head . " I don 't even want to think about that . If they 're doing what I think they 're doing we could all get in a lot of trouble . " Mona leaned against the door frame . " I think you worry too much . You 're like a mother hen . They 're just kids . How much can they know ? " " How much did you know at that age ? " Gary said with anger in his voice , and immediately regretted it . He didn 't get angry with Mona often , and it was hard to stay angry with her for long . He saw Ethan and one of the girls come out of the stables . They said something to each other briefly , and she went off in the directions of the cabins . Ethan came toward the bus . Gary wasn 't sure how much they had been into until he saw the grin Ethan was trying to suppress . " Next time try not to be late , " was all he could think to say as Ethan climbed on the bus . He looked at Mona . She , too , had apparently noticed the grin on his face and figured out what it must have meant because she was grinning , too . Ethan was still grinning when he got up in the morning . It did not last when he could not find the opportunity to relieve himself . The hardest thing he 'd ever had to do was leave Angie when she was about to give him the most incredible experience he ever could have imagined . It had been painful to put his erection back in his pants . The glow of what they had done together lingered , but now it had been replaced with an agonizing ache in his groin that begged for relief . Ethan looked around . He did not recognize the surroundings at all . There was no way he would have been able to find his way back on his own . " I guess so , " he said . Ramona started off and he followed her . She seemed to know a way to go and he didn 't mind being led . He wasn 't in a very good mood . He was still thinking about Angie , which was painful enough , but his groin ached more and more with each step . He looked at Ramona 's back . She wore a t - shirt , khaki shorts , hiking boots and a small backpack over her shoulder . Her long , black hair was tied in a ponytail . He wished he could see her front . She had such a beautiful face that he liked to look at , and she had beautiful breasts . He remembered squeezing Angie 's breast . It was so firm and delicate . How would Ramona 's feel ? The ache between his legs got worse . He tried not to think about things like that for a while . They had hiked for miles when Ramona decided they should stop and have something to eat . Ethan was relieved . His body was in very good shape for playing hockey , but it was not used to making long hikes up and down wooded hillsides . Ramona had a couple of sandwiches and plastic bottles of juice in the backpack that they split . They ate quietly and Ramona made small talk . The sun was directly overhead and was quite warm on them . Ramona untucked her t - shirt and pulled it off over her head . Ethan watched , frozen with the sandwich in his mouth . Under the shirt she wore a tiny orange bikini top held on by strings . Her breasts were bigger and rounder than he had imagined . They spilled out over the edges of the tiny bikini like they were going to bust out of it . She bent over to stuff the t - shirt into the backpack and Ethan found himself staring straight down at her cleavage . It was a gorgeous sight . His penis throbbed and he groaned in pain , clutching his groin . However , she was looking right down at his hands , no matter how hard he wished she would go away . She came and sat down next to him . She had a slender waist and a flat belly , and her breasts jiggled when she walked . He winced in pain again . Ethan shook his head . The pain was unbearable . If she didn 't go away he was going to have to do something and he didn 't care if she saw his dick . Ethan nodded . He wanted to ask her to stay and help him or at least watch , but she walked off and sat on the trunk of a fallen tree with her back to him . When he was sure she wasn 't going to look back , he took out his penis and rubbed his hand rapidly up and down , squeezing the shaft . It took only a minute and he was shooting long , thick spurts of cum into the grass several feet from where he stood . It flooded out of him until he felt drained , and he let out a deep sigh . The ache was still there , deep in his groin , but it was nowhere near as intolerable as before . Gary had been relieved when Mona told him Ethan admitted to not having sex with the girl , and she had scolded him for not being sensitive to Ethan . He had tried to explain to her that he did feel for Ethan because he had suffered some pain , but what was more important , at least as far as he saw , was that they wouldn 't have to worry about the girl getting pregnant . Now they wouldn 't have to worry about a lawsuit from the girl 's parents or about the state shutting them down . Mona hadn 't understood , of course , and their argument ended abruptly when she stormed out of his office . Now she was mad at him and he was mad at her for being mad at him , and they had hardly spoken two words to each other since that Sunday night . Now here it was Wednesday and he was aching himself . If they didn 't make up soon so they could have sex again he was going to go out of his mind . That day he had a special event planned , one he hoped would get him back on Mona 's good side , as well as be a good experience for the boys . He was taking them on a trip to see a training camp workout for the K - Wings , the local minor league hockey club . Mona always loved that team , and she would generally get very excited any chance she got to see them . Gary hoped her excitement spilled over into their bed . He loved it when she got a little crazy . She was normally hot - blooded , and when she got worked up she could be a lot of woman for one man to handle . He made the announcement after breakfast and everyone was excited , except Mona . Gary couldn 't understand this . He had expected her to be most excited of all . Instead , she explained to him she wanted to get some things done around her clinic while she had the opportunity . Then she told him she 'd like to ask Ethan to stay behind to help her move some things . Gary was flabbergasted , but he conceded . The last thing he wanted was to make her more angry at him . She might never let him see her naked again , and he couldn 't bear that . So he boarded the bus with the rest of the boys and counselors , except Ethan , and said good - bye to Mona . It was going to be a long day without her . Ethan had been excited about seeing the K - Wings at a training camp . There were guys on the team he knew about and was thrilled to get a chance to see them in person . Then he had been disappointed when Ramona asked him to stay behind to help her with some work in her clinic . Normally he wouldn 't have minded , but did she have to take him away from such a great opportunity ? Nevertheless he did the work . They spent most of the morning cleaning and rearranging her clinic . During that entire time he stole quick glances at her . She had tied her hair back and was wearing old work clothes and gloves , yet still she was stunning . When she wiped the perspiration from her forehead with the back of her gloved hand or bent over to clean the dust from some bottom shelves , he fell in love with her just a little bit more . Just before lunch she asked him to carry a stack of boxes to her cabin and wait for her there . He carried them down the hill from the main building and across the small field to the cabins . Except for the songs of a few birds , the camp was very quiet . He and Ramona were the only people there , and it was peaceful . Ramona had her own cabin , since she was the only woman in the camp . Ethan opened the screen door , went in and set the boxes on the floor . Her cabin was much nicer than any of the others . She had a real bed with a mattress and sheets instead of a bunk , and she had a dresser and a makeup table . It made him a little homesick . " Thanks , " she said with a quick glance at the boxes . She smiled at him and walked past . She went to the makeup table and sat down . Ethan looked around the small cabin . There were no chairs . The only place he saw to sit was the bed , so he sat on the edge of it . He didn 't know what she was doing , but every now and then she glanced at him in the mirror . She got up and sat on the bed beside him . He suddenly felt much more nervous . She touched his bare knee . He became aroused . His penis started to stiffen in his shorts . His erection was swelling the front of his shorts . She would not be able to miss it . He wanted to cover it with his hands , but was afraid this would just draw her attention to it . He began to tremble . He looked at her lips . They were full and red , slightly parted . He imagined them pressing to his lips the way Angie 's had , and his stirring penis sprung fully erect . For a second , he had an image in his mind of it ripping open the front of his shorts . He leaned toward her , tilted his head , closed his eyes , and pressed his lips against hers . They yielded and she responded by pressing back . He felt dizzy with pleasure . It was like he was under some sort of spell and didn 't want to move for fear of breaking it . Ramona put her arm around his neck and kissed him more insistently , pushing her tongue into his mouth . Ethan tried to remember what he 'd done when Angie kissed him like this . He met Ramona 's tongue in his mouth with his tongue , and that seemed to work . Ramona moaned softly . Ethan stammered and hesitated . He had hoped he and Angie would have had sex , but she had eliminated any chance of that by saying she had to remain a virgin . However , if they 'd just had another minute . . . " Oh yes , very much , " Ethan gasped . He couldn 't believe this was happening . It was more incredible than what he had done with Angie . Ramona 's small hands unfastened the button and zipper of his shorts . Ethan leaned back with his hands on the bed . Her hand reached in and pulled out his penis . " Oh it 's beautiful , " she sighed . It stood straight up , dwarfing her tiny hands . She leaned over it , moving her hand slowly up and down the shaft . She was licking her lips . She leaned closer and kissed the head . Ethan held his breath . Ramona looked up at him , the corners of her sensual mouth turned up in a playful smile . She stuck out her pink tongue and licked the tip . Ethan groaned . Ramona giggled . Her mouth was warm and wet and smothered his penis . He could feel her tongue moving on the tender side as she moved her head up and down . He was breathing harder . She was going to get him off . He could feel it coming . All of a sudden it was happening . His penis was throbbing and he was doing it in her mouth . He couldn 't believe it . She kept her mouth over the end of his penis the entire time he was getting off . That meant his stuff was going in her mouth . It was so incredible it made him dizzy . He watched her face and saw her cheeks puff out as he filled them with his semen . She continued to move her head up and down until he cooled down , then , to his shock , she swallowed it and started licking and kissing the sides of his penis . Ethan could not comprehend this . He never would have thought of any girl doing anything like that . He would have assumed she would have thought it as disgusting as he did . " Mm hm . I love it . " She stood up . " I like your 's especially . You have so much of it . And look . " She squeezed his penis . " You 're still hard . Not many guys can cum like you did and still be ready for more . I bet I can make you cum again . " " Let 's find out , " she said with a sly grin . She started to unbutton her top . Ethan stared at her hands , fascinated . Ramona removed the top and dropped it on the floor . She wore a small , satiny bra with a light floral print and black lace trim that accentuated the round , full shape of her breasts . The sight of them pushed up in the tight bra made his mouth water . She unfastened her khaki shorts and let them drop to the floor . Her panties matched her bra , with a sexy , high leg cut on her hips . She got on the bed and lay on her back . Ethan stared at her , dumbfounded . She was incredibly beautiful . Ramona moaned , with a little smile on her puffy , red lips , when he removed his shirt . She seemed to like looking at his body , although he couldn 't understand why . He thought of himself as skinny and ugly . He dropped his shorts but left his underwear on , which he 'd pulled back over his penis , and covered the swollen bulge with both hands . He looked down at the bulge under his hands . She called it a cock . There was so much about this sex stuff he had to learn . He pulled down his underwear and let his cock out . " Mmm , " she moaned , staring at it . " It 's so beautiful . Come over here , Ethan . " She patted the edge of the mattress beside her , Ethan sat down , staring at her body . She had long , smooth legs , a slender waist , and large , full breasts with nipples that were hard points under the bra . His penis throbbed as he took in her beauty . His heart pounded . He raised his shaking hand , set it on her swollen breast , and squeezed . Ramona moaned and her back arched up off the bed . She kissed him harder and ran her fingers through his hair more vigorously . Without breaking the kiss , her hand released the catch on the bra between her breasts and the cups fell away from them , letting her soft flesh spill out . Ethan lifted his head to see . He was breathing hard . Ramona was breathing hard as she stared up at him with her mouth open . Her nipples stared up at him as well , begging him to touch them . He reached for one with his trembling fingers . Ramona gasped when he touched it . He was surprised by how soft and warm it was . He pinched it gently , rubbing it between his thumb and finger . Ramona moaned and squirmed under him . Her body bucked off the bed . He sucked it for a few minutes , then switched to the other one . She let him do this a few times , then lifted his head . He looked down at her panties , which formed a delicate V shape over her groin . He had completely forgotten about exploring this part of her body . He could see the outline of her mound under the thin fabric . He put his hand on the inside of her thigh and her legs spread apart . He moved his hand up toward her crotch . She was burning like she was on fire . The sensation inflamed him further . He grabbed the thin straps of the panties on her hips and yanked them down to her knees . He looked into her eyes . She was looking back at him , her chest rising and falling . She had let go of his cock and was clutching the edge of the bed . Her legs spread wider , stretching the straps of her panties at her knees . Ethan put his hand on her breast . Ramona bit her lower lip between her teeth and moaned . Her body squirmed . Ethan couldn 't believe how lucky he was to have her like this , waiting for him . She was having just as strong an effect on him . He was breathing hard and sweating , and his cock throbbed , aching to go inside her . He was so excited he didn 't know what to do next . He put his hand on her mound . Ramona moaned and lifted her hips off the bed . He felt for her slit with his middle finger , surprised by how wet she was down there . When he found her opening he pushed his finger in , just like Angie showed him . She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him down on top of her . The panties slipped down to her feet , her legs parted , and he found himself laying between them with the hard shaft of his penis pressed against her warm , wet pussy . Ethan held himself up over her . She reached down for his penis , guiding it to the opening of her pussy where his finger had been . He lowered his weight . The head of his cock slipped into her body , suddenly enveloped by her warmth and wetness . " Oh my God , " he gasped . Ramona groaned , squeezing her eyes shut . She was tight . He pushed harder , slipping more of his penis inside her , and she groaned louder . Ethan couldn 't believe it . This was a dream come true . He was doing it . He was having sex . His penis was inside a pussy and the woman he was having sex with was the most beautiful woman he 'd ever seen . " Don 't . . . Don 't , " she whispered , shaking her head . " It hurt a little . You 're just so big , that 's all . Don 't take it out . Not yet . " She put her legs around him , moaning . He carefully settled his weight on her slender body . Hurting her again worried him . Having sex with her right now was the thing he wanted most in the world , but it was not worth it if he was causing her pain . He would get no enjoyment from it if she didn 't . Her hips moved with his . He started slowly , then he was going faster . She went faster with him . He tried to hold back as long as he could , but it didn 't last . Her warm , wet , tight pussy just felt too good . He let himself go and he was shooting inside her . It was like his cum was being pulled from his balls . He groaned and his whole body jerked with each shot . He shoved his body against hers again and again and Ramona gasped every time his cock went a little deeper . His orgasm ended and he lay on top of her , panting . She stroked her fingers through his hair , and her heels gently rubbed his ass . She was breathing hard in his ear . The movement of her hips turned him on again . He started moving his hips . Ramona closed her eyes and moaned through her open mouth . Ethan pressed his lips against hers . There was nothing better in the world than this . |
Ethan sat in Dr . Herbert 's office waiting room with Mom , feeling terribly embarrassed and ashamed . Had he known he needed to get a physical before going to hockey camp he would have resisted the idea more firmly . He was filled with dread at having to be naked in front of the doctor . One of the nurses was very pretty . She was the one who called him in and smiled at him . In his nervousness , he began to get aroused by thinking about her . His mind wandered as he imagined her naked , and a stiffness grew in his pants . Just at the moment when , in his imagination , the nurse was bending over and pulling up her crisp , white skirt for him , Dr . Herbert walked in . He was an older man , heavy set , with graying hair and bald except for a trim over his ears , sad eyes and a round nose . He wore reading glasses , which rested low on his nose , and he was reading from a chart he held at about his belly . He had been Ethan 's doctor since Ethan was born . Ethan smiled absently . He wasn 't thinking about hockey . He had an erection that wouldn 't go down and now he was worried about the doctor , or worse , one of the nurses , seeing it . " There 's nothing to worry about , Ethan . This is just a physical so I won 't be sticking you with any needles . " He put down the clipboard and handed Ethan a small plastic cup . " First of all , I need a urine sample . If you could take that to the lavatory and fill it up for me . " Ethan took the cup and went to the lavatory . When he dropped his pants , his erection stood out long and stiff . He held the tiny cup in his shaking hand in front of his penis . It was difficult to pee with a hard - on , but after a few minutes he managed to get out enough to fill the cup . As he handed her the small , plastic cup , her eyes glanced down . Her smile dropped for a moment , then she looked up to his eyes again and her smile returned . He smiled back , but she quickly turned and walked down the hall . Dr . Herbert returned to the examination room shortly after Ethan . He asked Ethan to remove his shirt and examined his neck , throat , eyes and ears . He used the stethoscope to check his lungs , then asked Ethan to lower his pants and lie back . Ethan felt a moment of panic . He still had a painfully stiff erection that Dr . Herbert had not yet noticed . If he were to take his pants down there would be no way he could miss it . He would die of embarrassment . With his jeans down around his ankles and his erection standing straight up , Ethan laid back on the examination table . He squeezed his eyes shut . He hated his body for doing this to him . To Ethan 's horror , Dr . Herbert put one hand around Ethan 's erection and felt his balls with the other . The rubber gloves felt strangely cold on his warm skin . His eyes opened wide and he gasped . " Sorry , " the doctor said , and let go . He pulled the gloves off . " I 'm gonna ask the nurse to come in and test your bladder . It 's a simple procedure . I 'll need you to leave your pants down . " Dr . Herbert went out . Ethan wanted to run . With all his life , he wanted to run away from this place as fast as he could . Yet , he was paralyzed . There was no way he could get away . It was a long time before the door opened and a nurse came in . It was the pretty one . Immediately , the memory of the image of her bending over came back to his mind and his penis throbbed involuntarily . He thought he was gonna die . She did not see him as soon as she came in . She went right to the counter and set a few items on it and pulled on a pair of rubber gloves . Ethan watched her back . When she turned around she saw his penis and stopped suddenly , dropping one of the items in her hand . Ethan couldn 't take his eyes off her . Her face glowed bright red . Her body was all perfect curves beneath her tight , white uniform . He longed to reach out and touch her . He wanted to put his hands on her breasts . He loved the way they pushed out the front of her uniform , and he was dying to find out what they felt like . None of this did anything to help make his erection go down . If anything , it only made it harder . And he knew what happened when he had days like this . He wound up having wet dreams at night . Sometimes he would remember part of the dream when he woke up . Many times he knew the girl he had dreamed of having sex with . But every time , and almost every night , it seemed , he woke up with a puddle in his pajamas . A few times when he had soiled them and taken them off he had done it again , staining the sheets . " I 'm nurse Thomas , " she said . Ethan held his breath . Even her voice was sexy . " This is a Foley catheter , " she continued , holding up a long , thin rubber tube in one hand . " And this is a special fluid we will inject into your bladder . " She held up a clear package of fluid . " You might feel some discomfort , but you shouldn 't feel any pain . " She nodded and gave him a little smile . She tentatively held her open hand out , like she was afraid to touch his penis . When she did , she held it delicately between two fingers . Ethan held his breath . The rubber gloves on her hand felt strange on his penis . It felt better than Dr . Herbert 's hand . He silently wished she would put her whole hand around it and move it up and down , like he did sometimes when he was alone . Sometime he could get himself off by doing that . He would give anything if she would do it for him . Nurse Thomas ' hand was shaking as she tried to insert the end of the tube into the hole at the end of his penis . Ethan watched her , propped up on his elbows . Finally , she closed her whole hand around his shaft to hold herself steady and managed to insert the end of the rubber tube . Ethan gasped as she fed it into his penis . The tube itself felt rather strange , but her hand squeezed his shaft tightly and moved up and down slightly . He had to bite his lip to keep himself under control . She let go of it to pick up the bag of fluid . The attachment end of the catheter tube dangled over the head of his penis . She attached the container of fluid to it . She operated a plunger on the bag , pushing it in slowly . Ethan gasped . He could feel the fluid rushing through the rubber tube inserted in his penis and filling his bladder . Ethan strained to hold it . It was like having to pee really bad . When the end of the tube came out , some of the fluid squirted out with it , staining Nurse Thomas ' rubber gloves and spilling on his groin . It had a warm , oily feel . Nurse Thomas took the used equipment to the counter and came back with another device . It looked something like the arm band of a blood pressure tester , with a spongy , moist material on the inside and a cap - like part dangling on the end . She tried to wrap it around the shaft of his penis . Obviously , it didn 't fit . " Hm . I 'll have to get an adult size , " she said . " Now don 't move . " She went out , leaving the door open . Ethan gritted his teeth . It became difficult to hold the fluid in . His erection throbbed painfully . The shaft and head had turned a deep purplish color . He wanted to grab it and jerk himself off , but he was afraid he would let the fluid out and get in trouble . Ethan was trying to figure out what they meant about his penis when the door opened and the other nurse came in . Ethan stiffened up . She looked at him , then her eyes dropped to his penis and widened . Ethan smiled back . She was pretty , but not as pretty as Nurse Thomas . She had short , curly hair , a round , pudgy face , and wide , overweight hips . In her hands was the same kind of thing Nurse Thomas had tried to put around his penis , only bigger . She put her hand around his shaft and squeezed . Ethan gasped . Her warm hand felt great , especially when she moved it up and down . She did that for about a minute , staring at it like it was a piece of food she was hungry to eat . Ethan closed his eyes , breathing hard . It felt so good he hoped she never stopped . Then , abruptly , she wrapped the strange device around the shaft of his penis and pulled it tight , making Ethan gasp again . It was held on with velcro . She placed the cap on the end over the head of his penis . Ethan was paralyzed . His mouth hung open . The strange device had clamped itself around his penis like a vice and the wet , spongy material made his whole penis feel itchy and tingly . It was like having a thousand tiny hands rubbing him all at once . The cap over the head felt tight . He began to fear that his penis was going to explode . " Him . Guys with big dicks always go around thinking they 're the greatest thing to walk the Earth because of the size of their dick swinging between their legs . They think all they gotta do is stick it in a girl and they 're the greatest lover she 's ever had . He 's got the biggest one , so he 'll be the worst . " She went to the counter and got a bulbous container with a wide , tubular opening . She removed the spongy strap from around his penis and he was terribly relieved . The itching and tingling were beginning to drive him nuts . Ethan sat up at the edge . His long , thick , aching penis stuck straight out . Nurse Thomas put her hand around it and guided the end into the tubular opening at the top of the container . Ethan relaxed . The urge to pee had gone . Instead , he felt something flowing slowly through his penis . He was breathing shallow and rapid . He grunted and whatever strange thing it was began to come out of his penis . The clear , oily fluid had turned to a thick , bluish gel that flowed slowly from his penis into the container . Ethan watched in fascination with his legs spread wide . It took several minutes for all of it to come out , and Nurse Thomas held his penis the entire time . Ethan gasped and came . A great glob of white semen leapt from the head of his cock and landed on the front of her uniform . Nurse Thomas gave a short cry of surprise . His cum continued to gush out over her hands . She tried to get the towel over his penis to catch it . On his way back to the waiting room he passed the nurse 's office . His mother was there , as was Nurse Thomas , with her back to the door . Dr . Herbert went in to talk to her . Ethan sat down on a chair outside the office to listen . Mom chuckled . " Oh , yes . I 'm not surprised . His father was hung , too . I mean well - endowed . He once told me it is a trait of all the McCullen men . " He went on , but Ethan didn 't listen . His mind was working on what Mom had said . His father was hung like this , too . All the McCullen men had abnormally large penises . Ethan began to forget his shame and embarrassment . For the first time he began to feel proud of what he had between his legs . Nurse Thomas came out and stood beside him . He looked at her . She was smiling at him . On the front of her uniform was a big stain where he had shot his cum , and her nipples were hard points showing through the white fabric . Ethan couldn 't have been more excited . The first week of hockey camp had been a blast . He had learned quickly he was a much better skater than last year , and that he was as good or better than most of the other guys there , even some of the older guys . He had learned new ways to score and how to hit someone hard against the boards . Now he was looking forward to the start of the season so he could try out all the new stuff he was learning . However , all of that came to a screeching halt when the head counselor announced to all the boys in the camp the activity for Saturday night was a special trip down the road to a girl 's equestrian camp . Ethan had to ask his cabin counselor what equestrian meant . When he found out the evening with the girls would consist of a barbecue cookout and dancing , Ethan was horrified . There was nothing worse he could have imagined than spending an entire evening with a bunch of girls , and possibly having to dance with one of them . He dreaded Saturday night until it arrived . On the bus ride to the girl 's camp he sat at the back , brooding silently . He had nothing to look forward to but a night of humiliation and he resented the counselors for putting him through it . All the counselors except Ramona , of course . Ramona was the camp 's trainer . Every guy there had a crush on her , especially Ethan . Ramona , or Mona as the guys called her , was part Mexican and had long , straight black hair , dark eyes , dark , tanned skin and a great body . When the guys were alone , some would talk obscenely about what they would do if they had a chance to get their hands on her body . Ethan always kept quiet . He had too much respect for her . He called her by her real name , Ramona . He liked her too much to say anything mean about her . He peeked over the top of the seat at her . She was sitting up at the front with the other counselors , laughing at something one of them had said . She looked ravishing . The thought of her naked body lying beneath him had given him a hard on , and it strained against the front of his jeans . It ached painfully . He wanted to get back to the camp so he could get himself off and make it go down , and they weren 't even at the girl 's camp yet . They ate after the girls gave them a tour of the camp and let them ride some of the horses . Shortly after eating , the dancing started . It had begun to get dark and a string of lights was turned on around a square set up in the yard . The counselors from both camps were the first to dance . Some of the guys from Ethan 's camp joined some of the girls and danced . Ethan tried to stay hidden among a group of guys , hoping someone wouldn 't make him dance with one of the girls . He was more interested in watching Ramona dance . She looked so exotic when she moved . She wore tight , faded jeans and a snug white sweater . He was practically drooling . Every song she danced with a different guy , some of them the counselors from the hockey camp and some the counselors from the girl 's camp . Ethan wished he had the courage to ask her to dance with him . The guys Ethan was standing with were saying bawdy , crude things about Ramona , the women counselors from the girls camp , and even some of the girls . They spoke low so the counselors wouldn 't hear them and they chuckled quietly among themselves at their own jokes . He felt safe among them , until they suddenly became quiet . One of the girls was coming toward them . Every boy in the little group watched her approach . Ethan knew she was coming to ask one of them to dance . He prayed silently she would go up to Jimmy Amonte , the most outgoing guy in the camp . He seemed like the guy most girls wanted to go out with . And the girl coming toward them seemed like the type who 'd want to dance with him . She had long , sandy blonde hair and a pretty face . She wore faded jeans over cowboy boots and a tight grey pullover shirt that was cut off , revealing her slender middle . He felt her breath on his neck . Her body was warm against his and she felt so soft . He put his hands on her slender hips and let them rock slowly side to side . She pressed her body against his . He could feel her soft breasts against his chest . His erection had hardly gone down since the ride on the bus , and she was rubbing against it . He was certain she could feel it . How could she not ? He had been grateful for the darkness to hide it from anyone 's view . The slow song ended and a fast one started . Angie stepped back and Ethan hoped that meant they were done dancing . He felt awkward enough dancing to a slow song . The thought of having to do it to a fast song mortified him . Angie dragged him away from the lighted yard to the stables . They stopped at one of the stalls . A horse stuck its head out and Angie patted its nose . He felt much more at ease being away from all those other people and not having to dance . Molly encouraged him to pet her more and Ethan liked it . He finally started to relax . He turned to Angie to tell her how happy he was and she kissed him . Ethan 's words were stifled in his throat . He was too startled to react . Before he knew it , her wet tongue forced his lips apart and pushed into his mouth . It was the most exquisite sensation he 'd ever felt . Ethan didn 't know what to do . He simply let it happen . She rubbed her thigh against the inside of his leg , along the hard lump of his penis , and he thought he was going to get off right then . She was moaning softly in her throat . Ethan didn 't know what to do with his hands and put them on her waist . She lifted his left hand off her waist and moved it down to her ass . Angie dragged him into the stables . The inside of the stalls was very dark . Angie seemed to know her way around without lights , so Ethan let her lead . She found a wooden ladder and they went up to the loft . Some light from the moon and the party came in through a small window , giving them enough light to see . Against the wall was a pile of fresh hay , and Angie rolled into it , giggling . Ethan could hardly contain his excitement . Here was a beautiful girl who wanted to make out with him , and she had already let him touch her . There was no telling how far she might let him go . Ethan jumped into the pile of hay beside her and she laughed out loud . He landed upside down , laughing , and Angie rolled on top of him . She lowered her face and gently pressed her lips on his . She moaned again . He started by putting his hand on her waist , and he touched her bare middle where the top didn 't cover . She didn 't object , so he left it there . Then , slowly , he started moving his hand up until it was touching the bottom of her breast . He couldn 't believe how thrilling this was . Angie moaned and closed her eyes . Ethan 's mouth was open . He couldn 't believe he was actually touching a girl 's breast . It was the biggest goal of his entire life and here he was doing it . And it was so incredibly good . Angie leaned over and kissed him again . Ethan liked the feel of her breast so much he didn 't let go . He was afraid that if he did he might never touch one again . Ethan groaned . He could feel the warmth between her legs . He desperately wanted to put himself there . He moved his other hand down to her ass and rubbed it . She moved her hips , grinding herself on the hard lump in his pants . This was more than he could take . She was going to get him off in his pants . She unfastened her jeans . Ethan 's eyes were locked onto her hands as they worked . Angie unzipped the front and pushed them down . She wore lacy pink panties underneath . She pushed the jeans down below her knees , then pushed the panties down . Ethan stared at the small mound between her legs . It was like winning a prize he 'd never dreamed of reaching . It was the most beautiful sight he 'd ever seen . He noticed a light covering of hair on the mound . Down the center of the mound was what looked like a narrow slit . Was that it ? Was that where his penis was supposed to go ? He stared at it , but it was impossible to believe his large penis was supposed to go inside anything so tiny and delicate . Angie spread her thighs wider , with her knees bent up . She stared at Ethan with lusting eyes and an open , panting mouth . Her breasts were swollen and stretched the front of her shirt , and her hard nipples poked through the fabric . She looked so inviting . He felt such desire to climb on top of her and put his penis inside her , but he didn 't know if that was what she wanted . How was he supposed to know ? Was she waiting for him to ask , or just do it ? What if he did and she didn 't want him to ? Would he get in trouble ? He was so terribly confused . Ethan put his hand on her mound . It was surprisingly warm . The light wisps of curly hair on it were as soft as downy feathers . He did as she showed him and gently rubbed his middle finger over her slit . She tilted her head back and moaned . Ethan put his hand on her slit again and rubbed . Angie moaned again , but didn 't take her eyes away from his . She poked her tongue out and licked her lips . Her ass squirmed side to side on the hay . " Like this , " Angie said . She took his hand in hers , separated his fingers , and pushed his middle finger into her slit . " Push it in right there . But not too deep . I 'm a virgin and my Daddy wants me to stay that way . " Angie shrugged . " He wants me to be a virgin on my wedding night . He wants to make sure I don 't fool around with boys before then . " She giggled and covered her mouth with her hand . " He doesn 't want me to get pregnant but he doesn 't know I already fool around . I can suck them in my mouth and still be a virgin , and I can 't get pregnant . " Ethan 's eyes widened . Such an idea had never occurred to him . At first , the thought of putting his thing in Angie 's mouth was appalling , but the more he thought about it , the more he liked it . She put her hand on his thigh and rubbed the lump of his cock through his jeans . " Yeah . I know you got a really big one . I felt it when we were dancing . " Ethan thought about it for a second . She had her hand on his penis and she wanted him to show it to her . To do that , he 'd have to take his finger out of her pussy to unfasten his pants . He wanted to leave his finger inside her for as long as he could , but he also wanted to let her touch his penis , and especially put it in her mouth . He decided that was worth more than anything and unfastened his jeans . " Goodness , " Angie sighed . Her hand squeezed the shaft and pumped slowly . " I never saw one so big . " She giggled . " Now all the other girls are gonna wish they asked you to dance when I tell them about this . " Ethan was horrified by the thought that she would tell other girls about his penis , but he kept his mouth shut because he was more afraid she would stop rubbing him if he said anything . He bit his tongue and let her rub . She was going to get him off . He wanted to see if he could get her off , too , and reached for her pussy with his middle finger extended . Angie was breathing hard as she stared down at his penis . His hand snaked between her legs for her pussy and she spread them wider . Ethan watched her carefully . When she started to lean forward with her mouth opening , he knew she was going to suck on it . He pushed his hips up to meet her . Her red lips looked so soft and moist . He wanted to feel them on his penis . Ethan thought he knew , but he didn 't want it to be . They were so close . She was just about to put it in her mouth . He wanted to beg the counselors for a few more minutes , but how could he tell them it was for this ? fyre11 - 15 - 2007 , 10 : 00 PMI love this story ! I like how innocent the author is able to make him be . I loved the catheter part ! LOL I guess I like that nurses in white dresses with long needles and all . I think we 're all pulling for him to get to stick that hunk of meat in someplace dark and warm ! I 'd love to see another part of this . Cheers ! Gary shook his head . " I don 't even want to think about that . If they 're doing what I think they 're doing we could all get in a lot of trouble . " Mona leaned against the door frame . " I think you worry too much . You 're like a mother hen . They 're just kids . How much can they know ? " " How much did you know at that age ? " Gary said with anger in his voice , and immediately regretted it . He didn 't get angry with Mona often , and it was hard to stay angry with her for long . He saw Ethan and one of the girls come out of the stables . They said something to each other briefly , and she went off in the directions of the cabins . Ethan came toward the bus . Gary wasn 't sure how much they had been into until he saw the grin Ethan was trying to suppress . " Next time try not to be late , " was all he could think to say as Ethan climbed on the bus . He looked at Mona . She , too , had apparently noticed the grin on his face and figured out what it must have meant because she was grinning , too . Ethan was still grinning when he got up in the morning . It did not last when he could not find the opportunity to relieve himself . The hardest thing he 'd ever had to do was leave Angie when she was about to give him the most incredible experience he ever could have imagined . It had been painful to put his erection back in his pants . The glow of what they had done together lingered , but now it had been replaced with an agonizing ache in his groin that begged for relief . Ethan looked around . He did not recognize the surroundings at all . There was no way he would have been able to find his way back on his own . " I guess so , " he said . Ramona started off and he followed her . She seemed to know a way to go and he didn 't mind being led . He wasn 't in a very good mood . He was still thinking about Angie , which was painful enough , but his groin ached more and more with each step . He looked at Ramona 's back . She wore a t - shirt , khaki shorts , hiking boots and a small backpack over her shoulder . Her long , black hair was tied in a ponytail . He wished he could see her front . She had such a beautiful face that he liked to look at , and she had beautiful breasts . He remembered squeezing Angie 's breast . It was so firm and delicate . How would Ramona 's feel ? The ache between his legs got worse . He tried not to think about things like that for a while . They had hiked for miles when Ramona decided they should stop and have something to eat . Ethan was relieved . His body was in very good shape for playing hockey , but it was not used to making long hikes up and down wooded hillsides . Ramona had a couple of sandwiches and plastic bottles of juice in the backpack that they split . They ate quietly and Ramona made small talk . The sun was directly overhead and was quite warm on them . Ramona untucked her t - shirt and pulled it off over her head . Ethan watched , frozen with the sandwich in his mouth . Under the shirt she wore a tiny orange bikini top held on by strings . Her breasts were bigger and rounder than he had imagined . They spilled out over the edges of the tiny bikini like they were going to bust out of it . She bent over to stuff the t - shirt into the backpack and Ethan found himself staring straight down at her cleavage . It was a gorgeous sight . His penis throbbed and he groaned in pain , clutching his groin . However , she was looking right down at his hands , no matter how hard he wished she would go away . She came and sat down next to him . She had a slender waist and a flat belly , and her breasts jiggled when she walked . He winced in pain again . Ethan shook his head . The pain was unbearable . If she didn 't go away he was going to have to do something and he didn 't care if she saw his dick . Ethan nodded . He wanted to ask her to stay and help him or at least watch , but she walked off and sat on the trunk of a fallen tree with her back to him . When he was sure she wasn 't going to look back , he took out his penis and rubbed his hand rapidly up and down , squeezing the shaft . It took only a minute and he was shooting long , thick spurts of cum into the grass several feet from where he stood . It flooded out of him until he felt drained , and he let out a deep sigh . The ache was still there , deep in his groin , but it was nowhere near as intolerable as before . Gary had been relieved when Mona told him Ethan admitted to not having sex with the girl , and she had scolded him for not being sensitive to Ethan . He had tried to explain to her that he did feel for Ethan because he had suffered some pain , but what was more important , at least as far as he saw , was that they wouldn 't have to worry about the girl getting pregnant . Now they wouldn 't have to worry about a lawsuit from the girl 's parents or about the state shutting them down . Mona hadn 't understood , of course , and their argument ended abruptly when she stormed out of his office . Now she was mad at him and he was mad at her for being mad at him , and they had hardly spoken two words to each other since that Sunday night . Now here it was Wednesday and he was aching himself . If they didn 't make up soon so they could have sex again he was going to go out of his mind . That day he had a special event planned , one he hoped would get him back on Mona 's good side , as well as be a good experience for the boys . He was taking them on a trip to see a training camp workout for the K - Wings , the local minor league hockey club . Mona always loved that team , and she would generally get very excited any chance she got to see them . Gary hoped her excitement spilled over into their bed . He loved it when she got a little crazy . She was normally hot - blooded , and when she got worked up she could be a lot of woman for one man to handle . He made the announcement after breakfast and everyone was excited , except Mona . Gary couldn 't understand this . He had expected her to be most excited of all . Instead , she explained to him she wanted to get some things done around her clinic while she had the opportunity . Then she told him she 'd like to ask Ethan to stay behind to help her move some things . Gary was flabbergasted , but he conceded . The last thing he wanted was to make her more angry at him . She might never let him see her naked again , and he couldn 't bear that . So he boarded the bus with the rest of the boys and counselors , except Ethan , and said good - bye to Mona . It was going to be a long day without her . Ethan had been excited about seeing the K - Wings at a training camp . There were guys on the team he knew about and was thrilled to get a chance to see them in person . Then he had been disappointed when Ramona asked him to stay behind to help her with some work in her clinic . Normally he wouldn 't have minded , but did she have to take him away from such a great opportunity ? Nevertheless he did the work . They spent most of the morning cleaning and rearranging her clinic . During that entire time he stole quick glances at her . She had tied her hair back and was wearing old work clothes and gloves , yet still she was stunning . When she wiped the perspiration from her forehead with the back of her gloved hand or bent over to clean the dust from some bottom shelves , he fell in love with her just a little bit more . Just before lunch she asked him to carry a stack of boxes to her cabin and wait for her there . He carried them down the hill from the main building and across the small field to the cabins . Except for the songs of a few birds , the camp was very quiet . He and Ramona were the only people there , and it was peaceful . Ramona had her own cabin , since she was the only woman in the camp . Ethan opened the screen door , went in and set the boxes on the floor . Her cabin was much nicer than any of the others . She had a real bed with a mattress and sheets instead of a bunk , and she had a dresser and a makeup table . It made him a little homesick . " Thanks , " she said with a quick glance at the boxes . She smiled at him and walked past . She went to the makeup table and sat down . Ethan looked around the small cabin . There were no chairs . The only place he saw to sit was the bed , so he sat on the edge of it . He didn 't know what she was doing , but every now and then she glanced at him in the mirror . She got up and sat on the bed beside him . He suddenly felt much more nervous . She touched his bare knee . He became aroused . His penis started to stiffen in his shorts . His erection was swelling the front of his shorts . She would not be able to miss it . He wanted to cover it with his hands , but was afraid this would just draw her attention to it . He began to tremble . He looked at her lips . They were full and red , slightly parted . He imagined them pressing to his lips the way Angie 's had , and his stirring penis sprung fully erect . For a second , he had an image in his mind of it ripping open the front of his shorts . He leaned toward her , tilted his head , closed his eyes , and pressed his lips against hers . They yielded and she responded by pressing back . He felt dizzy with pleasure . It was like he was under some sort of spell and didn 't want to move for fear of breaking it . Ramona put her arm around his neck and kissed him more insistently , pushing her tongue into his mouth . Ethan tried to remember what he 'd done when Angie kissed him like this . He met Ramona 's tongue in his mouth with his tongue , and that seemed to work . Ramona moaned softly . Ethan stammered and hesitated . He had hoped he and Angie would have had sex , but she had eliminated any chance of that by saying she had to remain a virgin . However , if they 'd just had another minute . . . " Oh yes , very much , " Ethan gasped . He couldn 't believe this was happening . It was more incredible than what he had done with Angie . Ramona 's small hands unfastened the button and zipper of his shorts . Ethan leaned back with his hands on the bed . Her hand reached in and pulled out his penis . " Oh it 's beautiful , " she sighed . It stood straight up , dwarfing her tiny hands . She leaned over it , moving her hand slowly up and down the shaft . She was licking her lips . She leaned closer and kissed the head . Ethan held his breath . Ramona looked up at him , the corners of her sensual mouth turned up in a playful smile . She stuck out her pink tongue and licked the tip . Ethan groaned . Ramona giggled . Her mouth was warm and wet and smothered his penis . He could feel her tongue moving on the tender side as she moved her head up and down . He was breathing harder . She was going to get him off . He could feel it coming . All of a sudden it was happening . His penis was throbbing and he was doing it in her mouth . He couldn 't believe it . She kept her mouth over the end of his penis the entire time he was getting off . That meant his stuff was going in her mouth . It was so incredible it made him dizzy . He watched her face and saw her cheeks puff out as he filled them with his semen . She continued to move her head up and down until he cooled down , then , to his shock , she swallowed it and started licking and kissing the sides of his penis . Ethan could not comprehend this . He never would have thought of any girl doing anything like that . He would have assumed she would have thought it as disgusting as he did . " Mm hm . I love it . " She stood up . " I like your 's especially . You have so much of it . And look . " She squeezed his penis . " You 're still hard . Not many guys can cum like you did and still be ready for more . I bet I can make you cum again . " " Let 's find out , " she said with a sly grin . She started to unbutton her top . Ethan stared at her hands , fascinated . Ramona removed the top and dropped it on the floor . She wore a small , satiny bra with a light floral print and black lace trim that accentuated the round , full shape of her breasts . The sight of them pushed up in the tight bra made his mouth water . She unfastened her khaki shorts and let them drop to the floor . Her panties matched her bra , with a sexy , high leg cut on her hips . She got on the bed and lay on her back . Ethan stared at her , dumbfounded . She was incredibly beautiful . Ramona moaned , with a little smile on her puffy , red lips , when he removed his shirt . She seemed to like looking at his body , although he couldn 't understand why . He thought of himself as skinny and ugly . He dropped his shorts but left his underwear on , which he 'd pulled back over his penis , and covered the swollen bulge with both hands . He looked down at the bulge under his hands . She called it a cock . There was so much about this sex stuff he had to learn . He pulled down his underwear and let his cock out . " Mmm , " she moaned , staring at it . " It 's so beautiful . Come over here , Ethan . " She patted the edge of the mattress beside her , Ethan sat down , staring at her body . She had long , smooth legs , a slender waist , and large , full breasts with nipples that were hard points under the bra . His penis throbbed as he took in her beauty . His heart pounded . He raised his shaking hand , set it on her swollen breast , and squeezed . Ramona moaned and her back arched up off the bed . She kissed him harder and ran her fingers through his hair more vigorously . Without breaking the kiss , her hand released the catch on the bra between her breasts and the cups fell away from them , letting her soft flesh spill out . Ethan lifted his head to see . He was breathing hard . Ramona was breathing hard as she stared up at him with her mouth open . Her nipples stared up at him as well , begging him to touch them . He reached for one with his trembling fingers . Ramona gasped when he touched it . He was surprised by how soft and warm it was . He pinched it gently , rubbing it between his thumb and finger . Ramona moaned and squirmed under him . Her body bucked off the bed . He sucked it for a few minutes , then switched to the other one . She let him do this a few times , then lifted his head . He looked down at her panties , which formed a delicate V shape over her groin . He had completely forgotten about exploring this part of her body . He could see the outline of her mound under the thin fabric . He put his hand on the inside of her thigh and her legs spread apart . He moved his hand up toward her crotch . She was burning like she was on fire . The sensation inflamed him further . He grabbed the thin straps of the panties on her hips and yanked them down to her knees . He looked into her eyes . She was looking back at him , her chest rising and falling . She had let go of his cock and was clutching the edge of the bed . Her legs spread wider , stretching the straps of her panties at her knees . Ethan put his hand on her breast . Ramona bit her lower lip between her teeth and moaned . Her body squirmed . Ethan couldn 't believe how lucky he was to have her like this , waiting for him . She was having just as strong an effect on him . He was breathing hard and sweating , and his cock throbbed , aching to go inside her . He was so excited he didn 't know what to do next . He put his hand on her mound . Ramona moaned and lifted her hips off the bed . He felt for her slit with his middle finger , surprised by how wet she was down there . When he found her opening he pushed his finger in , just like Angie showed him . She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him down on top of her . The panties slipped down to her feet , her legs parted , and he found himself laying between them with the hard shaft of his penis pressed against her warm , wet pussy . Ethan held himself up over her . She reached down for his penis , guiding it to the opening of her pussy where his finger had been . He lowered his weight . The head of his cock slipped into her body , suddenly enveloped by her warmth and wetness . " Oh my God , " he gasped . Ramona groaned , squeezing her eyes shut . She was tight . He pushed harder , slipping more of his penis inside her , and she groaned louder . Ethan couldn 't believe it . This was a dream come true . He was doing it . He was having sex . His penis was inside a pussy and the woman he was having sex with was the most beautiful woman he 'd ever seen . " Don 't . . . Don 't , " she whispered , shaking her head . " It hurt a little . You 're just so big , that 's all . Don 't take it out . Not yet . " She put her legs around him , moaning . He carefully settled his weight on her slender body . Hurting her again worried him . Having sex with her right now was the thing he wanted most in the world , but it was not worth it if he was causing her pain . He would get no enjoyment from it if she didn 't . Her hips moved with his . He started slowly , then he was going faster . She went faster with him . He tried to hold back as long as he could , but it didn 't last . Her warm , wet , tight pussy just felt too good . He let himself go and he was shooting inside her . It was like his cum was being pulled from his balls . He groaned and his whole body jerked with each shot . He shoved his body against hers again and again and Ramona gasped every time his cock went a little deeper . His orgasm ended and he lay on top of her , panting . She stroked her fingers through his hair , and her heels gently rubbed his ass . She was breathing hard in his ear . The movement of her hips turned him on again . He started moving his hips . Ramona closed her eyes and moaned through her open mouth . Ethan pressed his lips against hers . There was nothing better in the world than this . |
Life . Health . Fitness . Food . Product Reviews . Month : June 2012 I 'm nearly broken . June 25 , 2012 Relationship columnist ♥ 2 Comments I 'm on edge . I swear I 'm going to explode , burst , break down . I 'm almost at my breaking point . I just keep thinking about death . I 'm psyching myself out . I keep thinking about the death of my parents . I question if I 'm strong enough to go through that . Currently , I 'm questioning my strength . Am I even strong enough to do the most mundane things ? I 'm not sure right now . I just keep thinking about death . All of my thoughts are focused on death . I know it 's realist , but I 'm making myself ill . I 'm harming myself by thinking too much . I don 't know how to stop myself . I 've never been this bad . I didn 't think I could get to this ' point where I 'm almost insane . I 'm a quiet girl , but when people continue to take advantage of you , it eventually gets to you . Another thing is I just don 't know my own strength . I 've never gotten angry to the point where I can 't control myself . I 'm afraid to get to that point . But , let 's be honest , I could get to that point . I could get so angry that I just lose control of the situation & become insane . This is about so many things . It 's about him , school , work , money & life . Everything is just hitting the fan & making me feel completely & utterly depressed . I do so much for him . I try to make him happy , I go out of my way for him , I look for places to go and things to do . But , the question that I continue to ask myself is does he appreciate it ? Does he even care ? He has never said " thanks for being a good friend " " thanks for being there for me . " Nope . He doesn 't say it nor show it . What am I supposed to guess ? Am I just supposed to ' know ' ? I 'm not going to sit here & guess how much he truly cares for me . I 'm annoyed , mad , pissed & frustrated with him . All of these things are hitting the fan & I 'm not liking it . The only thing I want in return is appreciation . Is that SO much to ask for ? I don 't need money or for him to take me somewhere , buy me things . I just simply want an out - of - the - blue ' thank you . ' That 's all . I 'm always the one to plan events . He never texts me about anything . I 'm always the one to do it first . He never suggests any places to visit . However , last night , my two brothers each got a text from him asking if they would be interested in an ultimate frisbee tournament . Now , stop here . My older brother is merely visiting for 10 days . Why would he ask HIM ? I never got a text . I 'm hurt . He can text them about going to a place , but can NEVER suggest ANYWHERE for us . Really . You 're joking , kidding , pulling my leg , right ? No . Absolutely not . This is real . As of right now , I 'm not speaking to him . Usually , I talk to him Friday , Saturday & Sunday . I didn 't this past weekend . Let him sit down & seriously appreciate me . He would be lost without me . This really frustrates me . It 's not that I want to end our friendship , it 's that I want to send him a message that if he doesn 't start appreciating me , I won 't do things for him . It 's really hurtful that you can do so much for someone to make them happy , but they won 't do a thing for you in return . I 'm tired of it & I 'm not going to sit here & continue to let it happen . I can 't & I won 't . He 'll get a taste of his own medicine . We won 't go anywhere , do anything , see how he likes it . See what happens if I don 't suggest ANY places , no vacations , nothing . Let 's see here … To add to this frustration , work is depressing me . I do but I don 't want to search for another job . But , I haven 't decided yet . I 'm in a dark place here & I don 't know how to get out of it . I don 't know what to do . I wish I could drive somewhere , anywhere , clear my mind . I 'm about to vomit , puke & cry . I 'm so exhausted that I can barely function . How can I get through this horrible time in my life ? I need to talk to someone , vent , tell my troubles . I can 't keep it inside . It 's eating at me , I 'm withering away to nothing . I 'm breaking . Posted in UncategorizedTagged angry , break , broken , controlling , cracked , crying , death , depression , friendship , frustration , Hard , hardship , life , mad , mood , sadness , vomit But , what can I do to stop this feeling that overcomes my whole body ? June 24 , 2012June 24 , 2012 Relationship columnist ♥ 3 Comments I 'm in the kitchen getting my dinner ready for work . I 'm scheduled 4 - close and need to eat on my 30 - minute break . But , then , all of a sudden , it comes . This overwhelming feeling of not wanting to go . It will be the same thing . I will walk into work , go upstairs to put my belongings in a locker , clock in , walk around looking for books to put back in their proper location , assist customers and answer phones . It goes round & round & round & round . But , there 's something strange inside of me . I didn 't feel like going , I didn 't want to go . But , I need the money & I HAD to go . I told my mother about the feeling & her & my father followed me to work since it was so strong . In work , I felt like crying . Literally , I was dreading walking into the door to endure 7 hours of strolling the store to ask customers if they needed help . I couldn 't shake the feeling for the rest of the night . I swear , moments in the store , I felt as if I should no longer be on this earth . The thoughts that ran through my mind were horrendous . I felt as if I didn 't belong anywhere . Also , I 'm not sure if my manager is a big fan of me . Here 's a detail about myself , at work , if at least two people don 't like me , I no longer want the job . I CAN " T have anyone not like me . It 's like a disease . It spreads throughout my whole body & the feeling that I get becomes dreadful . I can no longer work at the job because two people aren 't fans of me . I know this is a rather dumb detail , but that 's how I am . That 's how it is . I wish I could shut off the feeling , ignore it , avoid it , brush it off , but it 's not that simple . It 's horrid & I can 't control it . Posted in UncategorizedTagged contemplation , control , crappy , death , depression , dumb , emptiness , everything , feelings , job , life , stupid , thoughts , work The unexplainable feeling . June 22 , 2012 Relationship columnist ♥ Leave a comment I type in the lyrics " And the snow turned into rain . " These lyrics are from Dan Fogelberg 's Same Old Lang Syne , which is a Christmas song . " That " feeling comes over my whole body . The holidays , the cheerfulness , the Christmas tree , the presents , the lights , the weather , the hot chocolate , family gatherings , & the music . When the music begins to play on B101 that 's when I know " it 's here , " the holidays . Right now , it 's 6 months away from Christmas . Though , I don 't want to immediately jump straight through to Christmas because that 's when I graduate , but still , I can 't wait . The excitement flows throughout my whole body and I start to tingle . I love the way it makes me feel . It 's an unexplainable feeling that I only get during the holidays . It 's a happy , pleasant feeling . As soon as my dad & I put up those lights on the roof , I know that it 's coming , it 's almost here . And then I push play on youtube & the song " River " begins . The first words that stick with me are It 's coming on Christmas , they 're cutting down trees . I love this song . Posted in UncategorizedTagged cheerful , Christmas , happiness , life , smiling Death , you can no longer run & hide from it . June 15 , 2012 Relationship columnist ♥ Leave a comment We sit in the living room discussing newspaper articles that this customer of my father 's has saved . She has a pile sitting in her house from many years back . For the past few years , I 've been looking on google , yahoo , bing etc to see if I could find something , anything on my cousin Eddie 's tragic death . At one point , his name was all over the news & the internet . My dad says to me I have the article upstairs in a bag . He kept it , he kept the article on how my 6 - year - old cousin died when he swallowed a tack . I couldn 't believe it . All of this time I sifted & searched and he could retrieve it by opening a bag & pulling it out . I was amazed and astonished . He heads to the upstairs attic and I follow . It takes about five minutes for him to discover the newspaper article that reads " Six - year - old dies after inhaling tack . " When I read it , it all came back to me , the day , the year , the pain , the agony . I remember it . It seems that I 'm going through it all over again . If you 've read my past article , you know that I loved my cousin dearly & his 11 - year death has just passed on May 27th . I remember how gruesome & disgusting that time was . This is the first year that I 've REALLY dealt with my cousin 's death head on . The past years I 've avoided it , refused to think about it , talk about it and moved away from it . I couldn 't , didn 't , wouldn 't want to deal with the hardship that goes along with death . Death . How absurd , cruel , grotesque , dirty and painful . See , I try to tell myself that it 's not real , it 's all a joke . If someone dies , they will come back . This is just a cruel joke being played on me . It will pass and the individual will make their way back . However , after realizing that that is nonsense , reality hits home and year after year as I dream , wish & hope for Eddie 's return , I 'm in for a rude awakening . He 's not here . He hasn 't come back . He won 't come back . And , I don 't get it , I don 't understand it . Can you explain it to me once more ? If you give a full description this time , maybe I will finally stop asking for an explanation . But , I 'm STILL not over it . I 'm still not over Eddie . I can 't be . I just keep thinking about it over & over . I sound like a broken record . I wanted to see him more . I can 't change ANYTHING anymore , he 's gone & he 's NEVER coming back . How harsh . I was curious to see how I reacted to my cousin 's death in my journal . I was 11 . There was one particular line that I will note here , though I will mention a few . I haven 't edited them , I simply left them as is : I was 12 years old in this entry . I just turned 12 & that was the wish I made for my birthday . That 's powerful at such a young age . This one was a month before my previous one : July 30 , 2001 , 11 years old , [ Monday ] My cousin Eddie died and I miss him when I watch tapes I see Eddie in them I SO wish Eddie was alive please God ! Everybody misses him so dag much . I Miss him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much ! To look back on these entries is devastating . I read them to my mother & she was in utter disbelief . She didn 't realize that Eddie was that special to me . As I 've told her , he was one of my favorites . I believe he was a favorite among everyone . And , here 's the last one : September 25 , 2001 , 12 years old , [ Tuesday ] Soon Jenn 's wedding is coming up Saturday [ my uncle 's daughter . Eddie was the ring bearer ] I wish Eddie was coming ! PLEASE GOD BRING EDDIE ALIVE PLEASE [ God read this ] { There was an arrow pointing to that statement } As you can see , Eddie 's death affected me . It was the most tragic death that 's happened to me . Imagine your 6 - year - old cousin dying from a tack slipping down his or her throat . And , yet again , we see how death looms over everyone . Nobody wants to deal with it . They save it for tomorrow , throw it over to another field , escape , run or hide . It 's a given . No one wants to go through it , but it 's there . It 's ' there ' every single time you leave the house , go to work . go shopping . Everything you do is dangerous . Every day of your life you put yourself in danger without really knowing or realizing or recognizing it . It 's such a dreadful , gross cycle that can 't be changed , altered or fixed . There 's no pause or rewind button on this one . There 's no re - do . It comes when it comes . Posted in UncategorizedTagged crying , death , depression , family , hardship , Hope Kumor , life , sadness The whole day we just talked , laughed & smiled . June 11 , 2012 Relationship columnist ♥ Leave a comment There were two parts to his birthday presents , a book & a special day with me . The day would consist of driving to Bird - in - Hand , Pennsylvania & riding around on scooters . It would be a refresher from what we normally do . His birthday was on the 5th & since he turned 25 this year , I had to make it different . It had to be exciting & fun , not plain & dull like other years . It would be a 25th birthday he wouldn 't forget . Though it wasn 't on his actual birthday , it still counted , it still meant something to him . And , the weather was perfect , the temperature read 90 degrees , sunny . It was such a nice day . He was scheduled to be at my house between 11 : 20 - 11 : 25 , no earlier , no later . That was the only request I had . He didn 't have to drive , or pay for the actual scootering . It would take about an hour & 51 minutes to get there . Unfortunately , I would need to eat lunch on the way , driving . As he came , he carried his GPS and a book . This was a gift for my brother , for his birthday . It was a spanish Catcher in the Rye book . He was amazed & loved it the moment it was given to him . It seemed like he was in a good mood though . Could you blame him ? We were finally doing something , getting away from our daily , boring lives to ride some scooters in the countryside . We were both psyched . We left my brother in his room to read the book , said bye to my mom & headed out . He set up the GPS . I was a bit nervous driving since I would have to go onto major highways & merge . Merging was THE worst because you can never be sure of what other drivers will do . Will he / she go ? Will he / she slow down ? Will he / she speed up ? It 's so awful . On the drive , he was quiet , like usual . At times , he doesn 't say much . There isn 't much conversation on his end . That means that I have to keep it flowing . But , I wasn 't going to do it , so for a while , we sat in silence . There would be the initial , Why is the GPS taking me this way sort of dialogue , but we mostly just drove in silence . As we reached I - 95 , the talking began . He began to tell me some work stories . We started to laugh & giggle together . However , this time was QUITE different . He was just my friend here . We were two buddies going scootering to have some good ol ' fun . There was nothing more there . He talked about this woman at work who he 's attracted to , this other girl that he thinks likes him and another one who he believes is hot . But , I was okay , fine . I kept up with him . He was surprised to hear me talk about his father 's girlfriends brother [ read the previous post I published in order to understand what I mean ] . Also , I spoke about a guy at the job where he & I met . He was shocked to hear that I thought of this guy that much . It was strange that he seemed so surprised since HE was the one who told me to go for him way back when . But , I believe this talking about guys - girls to one another is still new to us , primarily him . I told him about Obama 's same - sex pay that I read online . How fair is it that men receive higher pay when women do the same amount of work ? If women have the same qualifications as men , why would they get paid less ? He agreed . He likes politics & I wanted to get him talking a bit . As we continued driving , eventually , he needed to pee . We were making good time so we could find a place like McDonald 's for him to go . He set the GPS to a restaurant . We took the exit . But , it took us to a street with a steep hill . I 've always had such a fear of driving on a steep hill . I 'm afraid I will roll down & hit the car behind me . After a while , it navigated us back onto the road we were just on . He begins his ranting & raving , cursing , doing what he does . I was confused as well since it took us back to where we started . When he does this , I get scared because he yells & screams . I hate to hear someone yell at me , especially him . He would NEVER physically harm me , he 's told me that , but I still get frightened . He planned another route to Wawa . Again , we got off at another exit with an extremely long red light . He told me he was in A LOT of pain because he had to pee so bad , he NEEDED to pee . Okay , alright . Yelling won 't get you anyway , except scaring me . It does the same thing , it took us back to where we were . This time he told me to just get off at the next exit & he 'll pee on the side . I was trying so hard not to laugh . It wasn 't funny that he was in pain , but the fact that the GPS kept re - routing to the same place was comical . I knew he would get so angry with me if he saw me chuckle so I held it in . I pulled over , he got out & peed behind this brick wall . I started to laugh & giggle . It was a funny situation . After about 3 minutes , I figured that he really must have had to go because I started to get a little worried . Eventually , he came back . Then , he tells me that he thinks he got poison ivy . I started to giggle a little , but only because it was such a crappy situation . Stuff like that always happens to him . He never has good luck . I told him not to touch it . There is lotion for it , so don 't worry . But , he came to realize it wasn 't poison ivy . We continued on our way getting closer & closer . Talking , giggling , laughing & enjoying each others company . We started to see Amish people with their horse & buggies . We agreed that he can 't be Amish because he sweats too much . At times , that 's the type of stuff that we talk about & it 's funny . It 's the inside jokes . He begins to get really excited . I can see it , I can feel it & I love it . I loved it because I was the reason for his happiness on this particular day . It was " me . " We arrived and parked . It was 2 : 00 , perfect . I scheduled the appointment & everything was set . We went into the store that we owned by another guy . The guy would have to call the owner of Countryside Scooters . It was all so confusing because the two businesses were connected , yet they had no sort of connection . He was the one who talked to the owner of the scootering place . The first man we spoke to seemed bitter & rude . Him & I agreed either he was having a bad day or didn 't get sex with his wife the night before . Either way he was ignorant . We waited for the owner . We 've come to the place before & it was the same guy . He didn 't remember us . It was too long of a period . It was 1 - 2 years ago . We had to sign forms . Meanwhile , he smiled at me . He was so happy & you have no idea how glad that made me feel . I didn 't care that I needed to pay ' that ' much . It was worth it to see how happy he was , for once , in a long time . His smile was cheek - to - cheek . We peed before he rode . We had our helmets and sunglasses . It was very warm as well . The man set us up in the back . Scooters . He sold the other ones we rode the last time we came . Previously , mine was pink , but this time it was blue . For starters , I forgot that my hair would be ruined that day due to the helmet . First we rode around the back to get used to it . When the man told us the one scooter was faster than the other , he smiled at me & signaled that he wanted that one . Sure , why not ? I sure as hell didn 't want the quicker one . After we were comfortable , we made our way to the road . I was nervous . He asked the owner for a map . The owner suggested some routes to take and not take . Okay , we were ready . Good luck & have fun , said the owner . He was first . He knew where to go . The max speed limit the scooter went was 40 MPH . Some roads we would need to go that fast since there were cars with us . There was a chance we could die as well . What happens if our car collided with a car ? We were on real roads & there was always that risk . But , I didn 't let that stop me . He would be very far ahead & when I got left behind , he stopped somewhere and waited for me . Some of the time I went 40 MPH , but most of the time I went about 35 . Ever since my car accident , I 've driven slighter slow & more cautious . We made left turns , right turns , went straight . At one point , I almost hit a wall . It terrified me . I turned too sharply & stopped myself before I hit it . The scooter would have been damaged for sure . He would ask me if I was going 40 MPH . He told me I HAD to go that fast because there were cars behind us . I had at least 2 - 3 cars pass me . I didn 't mind . Let them pass me , I told myself . I was talking to myself , laughing , yelling . No one could hear me . The wind was so strong that my eyes teared up . My helmet blew back as well . But , we were really booking it . There was a time when we had to turn left & cross over three lanes . I didn 't feel comfortable with that & let him know that . No way . I mean , we were risking it enough by scootering on the road with other cars . He listened to me & we turned right and made a left into the parking lot . He was great with directions . He knew exactly where to go . He was so great . Like everything else , time went by quickly . We saw a water - themed mini golf . Since his father loves to golf , he wanted to check it out . I took some pictures . Then , he says something that I believe wasn 't meant for ME to hear . Finally I have something to talk about . Now , I 'm not sure if he meant at work or with his dad . But , still , when he said that my heart melted . He would " have something to talk about . " Something . Again , that was me . I 've said this before , but again , if I wasn 't there , he would have nothing , nada , zero . I was the reason , the cause . I gave him " hope . " It was me & I loved feeling like that . All in all , the BEST thing for me was seeing him smile , being happy . Nothing else was worth more to me than that . That was " it " for me . And , I can 't emphasis ' that ' enough , I could never . He was his old self , making jokes & making me laugh . It was awesome , great and fun . But , I 'm scared . I 'm seeing him as just a friend , but I 'm afraid that I will back track , go back . I NEED to stay on track with this , right here , right now . It 's all level ground here & I can 't let his presence get to me . I 'm so proud of myself for finally being okay hearing him talk about girls . Later on , I even asked him if he thought a girl was pretty ! That 's how comfortable I was . I would have NEVER asked him that . The thought of him holding , kissing , touching , hugging a girl nauseated me . The pain & agony I went through cost about 2 years of my life . That 's a long time . When we got back to the scootering place , he saw antique golf clubs for his father . But , the place was closed . I knew he REALLY wanted one , but unfortunately , there was no way of getting one . I knew he was disappointed . There was nothing I could do to help either . I asked the owner of the scootering about it , but he couldn 't help . There was no harm in asking . It was so strange driving a car . On the ride home , he talked almost the whole time . I LOVED hearing his stories . At one point , he says , You love my stories , don 't you ? Yes , " I love when you talk , tell me things , " I said . Of course . I asked him why he talks a decent amount in person , but on the phone , he 's a whole different person . He 's quiet , doesn 't say much , leaves it up to me to talk , tell him things . It gets frustrating I told him . I wanted him to talk , explain things to me . He says since works is so boring he doesn 't want to recount it , re - live his day . He wants to forget it . But , where does that leave ME ? Nowhere . It can 't be fixed either . Unfortunately , the next time I talk to him , he will be down & untalkative . Nevertheless , he went on & on on the way home . He talked about his past memories with friends . It was a change . " I " could sit & listen this time . HE would talk & lead the conversation . I did so well driving as well , merging & taking the right exits . We laughed , smiled & giggled together . It was such a perfect and nice day . I needed to eat , so I chose Subway . I 've been counting calories , so I only bought a turkey hoagie and a water . For the first time , he REALLY expressed his wish to eat like a normal human being . He wished he would eat at least two meals a day & be okay with it . He wanted Quizno 's . Of course I wished along with him . Previously , we talked about him having problems when he dates a girl in the eating department . How would he explain to a girl that he can 't eat ? Will she be as understanding as me ? Who knows . He went home to change out of his sweaty his clothes while I ate . He would come back & we would go on our famous Sunday night shopping run . He told me that he believes his mother & her boyfriend broke up . This made me sad because her boyfriend was one of my favorites . He was always there to make you laugh & smile . But , he 's not 100 % sure . When he came back to my house , he told my parents that I was a " slowsky " going only 35 MPH . He smiled & laughed & joked . It was cute . We went on our run . He talked more . He wanted to pick out a corny movie for his friend 's wife . It was some sort of joke among all three of them . But " I " noticed the movie and then showed it to him . He thought it was perfect . It was such a cheesy picture on the front & cost $ 2 . 99 . Why not ? We cursed , joked & laughed together the whole time . It felt like a real friends event & that was great . I don 't want a boyfriend right now . I 've been having too much fun looking at guys . They 've been giving me glances as well . We got to his house & put all of the groceries away . On his birthday , I tied a balloon to his mailbox & when I entered his house , the balloon was sitting there . He REALLY liked that . It was very nice , he told me . We left the house & headed to mine . He wanted to see how to converted YouTube videos to an MP3 . We entered through the backyard since the front door was locked . My mom told us we looked so cute . But , we were just FRIENDS looking cute . Smiles on our faces . I showed him then we just talked . Normally , he leaves 8 : 45 . That night , he left 9 : 50 . He had SUCH a nice time with me , I could tell . I wished every time I talked with him , he would be like that . That 's how he USED to be , laugh , joke & smile . No longer does he do that . Only when we are doing SOMETHING . HE talked about the woman in work again . She 's taken but there 's something that draws him to her . No way , no how , I told him . She 's taken with a child ! Then , we switched to his father 's girlfriend 's son . I joked & said were we competing against one another to see who can have the greatest age gap . He 's 6 - 7 years apart from her , I 'm 6 years from the son . Come on . I 'm sure he didn 't want to leave , but he had to . I walked him out . The neighbor across the street had his shirt off with fat hanging down . He told me that it was a good thing that it was night . Perfect , huh ? But , the second best part . The Hug . It was longer & tighter than usual . You have no idea how that made me feel . You haven 't a clue how special I felt being the one to make his day , make him happy . Every time I do something for him , it makes me feel good . Posted in UncategorizedTagged friendship , gladness , happiness , laugh , life , move on , Relationship , sadness , smile But , I just can 't start " that . " June 4 , 2012June 4 , 2012 Relationship columnist ♥ Leave a comment There was a surprise party scheduled for him , for his birthday , June 5th . Though , it was planned for the Sunday before it since everyone invited had to work during the week . Excitement ran through my body as I thought about going over there and feeling special in the company of his dad and girlfriend . I hadn 't seen them in a while and was gung - ho about heading over around 3 : 45 . The whole day , it ran through my mind . I tried everything to distract myself like , watching TV , reading , anything , but nothing worked . The thoughts constantly ran through my mind and there was no way to get rid of them . They sat and didn 't want to move . The time ticked , but didn 't pass fast enough . It went very slow . I could barely eat due to the nervousness and anxiousness I felt inside . It was terrible and until THAT time hit , it would stay present . Finally the time came and my brother & I got ready to head out the door . I rushed in order not to be late . I couldn 't . It would be his dad , girlfriend , her son , my brother , him & I . The surprise was just between the 5 of us . The pair , his dad & girlfriend , was waiting outside for us . We exchanged hugs & how are you 's . Then , we made our way to the back patio . A few minutes later , her son appeared . I 'd seen him before , but he looked cuter . He 's 29 , but looked nothing of the age . So , 4 : 00 comes , when the pair told him to come . He arrived , but isn 't surprised because he knew . He knew . How did he " know ? " We spent about an hour talking . All of us took turns telling a story , except him . He just sat there . He didn 't say much , just like every time we hang out . He was in one of " those " moods . I knew it well . When he wasn 't smiling or laughing , I knew how it would be . I ignored it and just went with the flow . After all , it was " his " birthday . One thing I noted was he DOES talk about me and my two brothers . His dad knew what my brother was going to school for & wanted to know more about it . His girlfriend always listens , inquires and cares about what you have to say . The pair is very comfortable to be around & talk to . Though , him & his dad went into debates where they begin shouting at one another . In the past , there was a time I sat there and had to listen to them fight about something . It was uncomfortable as their voices got higher and stronger and echoed throughout the whole room . But , this wasn 't the time or day to do this in front of everyone . Her son just rolled his eyes as him & his dad started . He knew it well & didn 't want to hear it . After all of this mumble jumble , the four of us , him , her son , my brother & I played lawn darts . In a previous party , her son & I were on the same side , separate teams & we sucked . Then , the game was bag toss . However , this day , it was lawn darts . Again , we stood on the same side . It was him & I , vs her son & my brother . We were paired . Her son & I , yet again , didn 't do too well and laughed , flirted a little ? But , to my surprise , at the end , I dominated our team and they lost . Him & I played against his dad & girlfriend . Again , I was doing quite well & everyone was shocked . No one could believe that I was that good . What happened ? His dad prepped the food . Meanwhile , I told his dad 's gf about my belly button ring . She desired to see it . But , before that , we talked about him . I expressed my frustration about phone conversations with him , how I would need to carry on the conversation in order to keep the phone call . He never said much . Slowly , he 's falling down the ladder & again , there 's nothing I can do . His gf & I ran up to the bathroom so she could check out my ring . She was amazed and loved it . Her & I bonded and always have . She 's THE best thing that 's happened to his dad . She 's wonderful & my brother agreed . The food was placed on the table in the kitchen . We were to get our food and then carry it out . As we grabbed our food , her son began to ask me some questions about columns I 've published . I told him , then opened the door , since he had a plateful of food in his hand . Then , he carried my cup . It was sweet . We conversed for a few minutes and we walked out to the patio . But , then we all became a group again and talked . In between , there were awkward phases , which left me grinding my teeth . Though , the silence wasn 't long , I still didn 't like the initial quiet in the air . I couldn 't stand it . His dad 's gf was always there to fill in the silence . She would randomly bring something up and go on & on about it , which put me at ease so I didn 't have to bear the silence . Next , we sang Happy Birthday to him as he sat there unfazed by what was going on around him . Did he really make a wish or pretend to be happy in order to make the situation seem cheerful ? His dad 's gf cut the cake & distributed the pieces , except to him because he can 't eat . The presents were opened after the cake eating . I didn 't write the mushy gushy words this year because they would be wasted . Nothing I say or do will make it better , so why try ? I had for three years & this year I decided to take another route and write a standard note . Nothing fancy , special , just a mere five sentences . He thanked everyone & the talking begins again . We sat around & conversed . He started to talk a little more , smile , laugh , look alive . There HE was ! In the house , we watched some TV . On couch one , my brother & I sat . On couch two , her son & I . Her son & I shared some stories & watched two YouTube videos . We kinda connected ? As you see , I 'm questioning all of this because I don 't want to fully commit to having a crush on him . I don 't want to start to think , picture stuff , begin THAT . I can 't . I won 't . It would be too complicated . My former bf 's dad 's girlfriend 's son . How outrageous ! That would be absurd , awkward and strange . But , will he come & visit me at work ? He now knows about my discount that I can give him whenever he comes to the store . Nope . Don 't . Hush . Shut up . We all had a nice time together & parted ways around 9 : 00 . His dad & gf hug me & thanked me for coming . I was invited to their July picnic , which I didn 't even discuss with him , I just assumed I would come . Before we all left , her son told me to practice my bean bag tossing . That was our goodbye . I 'm glad though . I hugged him & wish him happy birthday . On the ride home , my brother & I talked . He had a pleasant time & didn 't mind conversing about it . He answered their questions with extensions and not just a Yes or No . |
After talking to Mike , I decided to call Jack Hogan . I hadn 't talked to him in a while and I wanted to find out more about the boyfriend of Alice , Mike 's sister . I placed the call , but it went straight to his voice mail so I left a message asking him to call me . About twenty minutes later he called back . " Yeah , we both have busy lives , " he said . " I know you didn 't call just to pass the time of day . You want something , don 't you ? " " You 're right . I do want you to do something for me . I want you to look into a Leon Browning . I believe his family lives down by Garden Ridge . His father 's name is Joseph . Leon is involved with a survivalist group . " " He 's dating the sister of Mike Potter , the young man who is helping to take care of my brood this summer . This Leon wants her to run away with him to Wyoming to live in one of those camps those groups have . Her brother is trying to persuade her that it would be a stupid thing to do , but you know love is blind and sometimes stupid . " For the next couple of days the three musketeers spent most of the mornings and evenings playing tennis . Mike was there to partner with Chris when the twins wanted to play doubles . When it was too hot in the afternoons , they were in the pool . TJ and Peter would each grab a racket when Chris and the twins took a break and hit balls back and forth across the net and over the fence surrounding the court . They were usually laughing so hard that you could never predict where the ball was going . They were having fun and that was the most important thing . They also acted as ball - boys when the others were playing . Joel would sometimes join the others to play some tennis when he wasn 't studying for the next exam he wanted to take before school started . He always seemed to know when the boys were going to get into the pool because he never failed to jump in with the rest . I was glad that the tables and chairs with the large beach umbrellas had been delivered . It was much more comfortable sitting in the shade watching the boys play than in the sun . It also provided the boys a place to cool off between their matches . Friday morning , Joel got a call from one of his friends on the golf team wanting him to fill out a foursome . They were planning on playing at The Bandit . When he asked me if he could take the car , I agreed provided he did not have anyone riding with him . " It 's fairly easy to get there , but it takes about 45 minutes to get there from here . Just go to New Braunfels and take I - 35 South to the McQueeny exit . Go east on that road , I don 't know the name of the road for sure . It may be FM725 . Check the map . It 's maybe 10 miles until you come to the road on your left leading into the course . It 's easy to miss the entrance because it just over the top of a hill . The way to tell that you are coming up on it is there is a tall flagpole at the entrance . If you miss it , don 't worry . Go on down the road and find a place to turn around . Now you had better get your stuff together and head out if you 're going to make your tee time . " " Thanks , dad , " Joel said , and ran up the stairs to get ready . Ten minutes later he came back down the stairs dressed to play golf . " Did you put on some sunscreen ? " I asked . " That may not be enough for the green fees and some lunch . Here 's another 50 and my cell phone . Call me if you need anything . " I went to the front door and watched as he drove the BMW toward the gate . I knew he was a careful driver , but that didn 't keep me from worrying about him . I wondered to myself if I would ever stop worrying . The house was awfully quiet , so I assumed that the other boys were outside . I picked up my book and went out onto the patio to check on them . They had Frisbees and were tossing them for their dogs to chase and catch . Sam was not left out . Mike was substituting for Joel . I watched for a while and then sat down in a chair on the patio and opened my book . I had started it a couple of days ago and thought I would be able to finish it today if nothing interrupted . I was able to read about ten pages when the phone rang . I picked up the extension on the patio . It was Jack . He said he had an almost complete report on Leon Browning . He related the major points to me and I asked him to fax the complete report . He said he would and we said goodbye . I read a few more pages of the book before the phone rang again . This time it was Donald . After we greeted each other , I asked , " How has your week gone ? How was the trip to Las Vegas ? " " The week has just been so - so . The trip to Vegas was successful . I was able to resolve the labor problems and everyone is back to work . We only lost two days of work , so it shouldn 't impact the schedule . I did talk to Fenton Bigelow while I was there . He said he has sold thirteen more lots . He suggested that we set up an architectural committee to review and approve any house plans before building started . " " That 's a good idea . I know when we had the land platted we recorded deed restrictions as well . Did he suggest anyone to serve on such a committee ? " I asked . " I 'll tell Hildy so she won 't make any plans . I 'll see you around six ? " I hung up the phone and went to find Hildy . She wasn 't in the kitchen which is where I usually found her . She wasn 't in the laundry room , so I assumed that she had run back to her house for something . I was walking back out to the patio when she and ' her ' two girls came in through the back door . " Oh , there you are . I wanted to tell you that Donald is bringing some steaks to grill this evening . Make sure that Manfred knows . " " That man can smell a steak from a mile away . He 'll be here with bells on . I 'll give him a call . He went to pick up dry cleaning , " Hildy said . " Not yet . She 's supposed to come for a visit on Monday and I thought that would give us a chance to talk . Manny and I both love those girls . I know we can provide a good home for them permanently . . . if they let us . " " I can 't see any reason why they wouldn 't . You 're not that old and you can certainly provide for them . I know you no longer need this job , but I 'm thankful that you still want it . We would be lost without you . But , if that was the only thing that prevented you from adopting them , you would have to do what 's best for them . If CPS gives you any problems , we may have to bring in Benjamin . He sure helped me with the boys . " Joel returned shortly after three . " Man , that 's a great course , " he said . " That number 8 where the tee is way up on a hill and you hit down toward those three sand traps on the left is a beautiful hole . We were playing from the back tees and I just barely hit my drive over the trap farthest out into the fairway . Kevin and Troy were both in the traps and Carl sliced his to the right almost into the little creek over there . I hit a nine iron onto the green , three feet from the pin and birdied the hole . The other guys all bogeyed it . " " 74 , I double bogeyed number 18 and bogeyed number 13 . On 13 , that par 3 over the lake , I hit a great shot , but I put too much back spin on the ball and it ended up in the water . 18 , that par 5 , is a weird hole and the green is a killer . I hit a poor drive and was on in four . I ended up three putting it . " " Check with Hildy , I 'm sure she 'll have something to tide you over until we eat . Donald is bringing steaks to grill , but that won 't be for three hours or so . " I followed Joel into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee while Hildy busied herself putting out the sandwich fixings for Joel . I shook my head as he fixed two huge sandwiches and a large glass of milk . I went into the library to retrieve the fax that Jack said he was going to transmit concerning Leon Browning . I was surprised when it turned out to be eight pages long . I read through it carefully . The guy had certainly led a life on the edge . He had several arrests for misdemeanors for which he paid fines but no jail time , numerous traffic tickets , some unpaid , and was currently being investigated for use and distribution of methamphetamines . There was also one arrest for assault and battery , but the charges were dropped , so there was no conviction . His known associates were even less savory . One , Calvin Childress , aka " Hero " , had been convicted as a juvenile of beating his girlfriend so severely that she required hospitalization for several days . He served 30 days in the juvenile facility and two years of supervised probation . He also had several other run - ins with the law and was out on bail and currently awaiting trial on a charge of burglary . Jack 's investigators indicated that he was probably involved in the sale of methamphetamines . Jason Burge , aka " Knife " , another known associate didn 't have as many entries on his rap sheet of actual arrests . He was , however , suspected in at least two armed robberies using a knife . He was known to carry at least two knives with him at all times . As was Childress , he was also suspected of involvement in the sale of methamphetamines . I 'm not sure how Jack got the juvenile records on the three men since they are supposedly sealed , but I wasn 't going to ask . I contemplated how I should approach Mike with this information . I didn 't want to appear to be butting into his family affairs , even if I were . Everyone was in the pool when I went back outside . Mike was showing Jeannie and Ginny some swimming techniques . Joel and Chris were swimming laps while the twins , TJ and Peter were playing dodge ball with a beach ball . I sat down beside Manfred who was watching the goings on in the pool . " Hildy 's call caught me just as I was leaving the dry cleaners , so I stopped at that new liqueur store down the street and bought a couple bottles of red wine . I hope it 's good . I 've never tried it , but the clerk said it was very highly rated . " " That 's a new one on me , also . I haven 't heard of that winery , " I said . " I 'm sure we 'll enjoy it . Donald 's more of a wine expert than I am . Maybe he will know it . " We talked and watched the boys , and girls , in the pool for some time . When I looked at my watch , I decided it was time to prepare the grill . I barely had the coals ready to light when a small body ran by me and jumped into the water . From the commotion , I knew that our guests had arrived . Lenore followed at a somewhat slower pace , but stopped at the side of the pool and hollered for Mike . He dutifully responded and went over to her and lifted her into the pool with the other girls . " Hildy thought I had bought the whole cow when I dropped off the steaks , " Donald said , in a way of greeting . He flopped down in the lounger beside me . " I 've been looking forward to this all week . " " That boy , I thought I was going to have to tie him down . Every day when I got home from work he asked if we were going to come here and go riding . When I 'd tell him no , he 'd ask when and how many days before we 'd come . I was tempted to bring him out here and dump him off . " " Good idea , " Manfred said . " That gives me a reason to break out the wine . Donald , would you like a glass ? I bought a new one . " Manfred soon returned with a bottle of the cabernet and four glasses on a tray . Hildy was right behind with a larger tray containing snacks to tide the kids over until the meal was ready . Kid radar was in full operation and the pool emptied faster than I thought possible . Hildy placed the tray on the picnic table and then stepped out of the way of the wave of kids . The chips , dip , vegetable sticks and several kinds of cheese began to disappear at an alarming rate . " Don 't worry , " she told us , " there 's another tray in the kitchen . I 'll bring it out right away . Manny , pour me a glass of the wine while I 'm gone . " " Your wish is my command , my lady , " Manfred said , bowing at the waist . " She 'll get me for that . " He had her glass of wine ready by the time she returned and handed it to her with a sheepish grin . The steaks had been in the marinade for about an hour so they should be ready . Hildy removed and patted them dry before placing them on a large tray . There were 15 beautiful rib - eye steaks . Hildy also added several hamburger patties and some hot dogs . It looked like an awful lot of food for five adults and ten kids , but then I knew those ten were regular eating machines . There wasn 't enough room on the grill to fix all the steaks , hamburgers and hot dogs all at once . I started with enough for the kids to eat and the adults would have to wait for the second grilling . I save the five largest steaks for the adults . While I was minding the grill , Hildy was bringing the rest of the meal to the picnic tables . To make room for everybody , we had to bring the tables that were down by the tennis court to poolside . Jeannie and Ginny didn 't much care for the steaks and only ate parts of them , but they each had a hamburger and a hot dog . Manfred didn 't seem to mind , he took what they didn 't eat and put it on his plate . The sun was beginning to go down by the time we finished our meal . I suggested that the boys go inside and take their showers to wash the chlorine off . I hoped the water pressure would be enough for the four showers going at once . Hildy said she would take the girls to her house for their showers . She sent Lenore into the house to get her overnight bag and when she returned , the four of them climbed onto the golf cart and headed to the house . It wasn 't much of a chore to do the cleanup . Almost all of the food had been consumed so it didn 't take long to complete the job . We were nearly finished when the freshly showered boys started filtering downstairs . I wondered why they were hanging around the kitchen until Peter asked , " Are we gonna have dessert ? " It was all I could do to keep from laughing , but I held my composure and said , " Well , let 's see if Hildy fixed anything . " I turned to the refrigerator and opened the door . I might have known that Hildy would be prepared . There was a large pan of banana pudding all ready for dipping up . " Manfred , if you 'll get down the bowls , I 'll dish it out . You guys go sit at the table and we 'll bring you your dessert . " I don 't know where they put it , but every bowl was scraped clean when they finished . I think they would have licked them if they thought they could get away with it . Donald , Manfred and I passed on the dessert and settled for cups of coffee . Mike had joined the younger boys for dessert . It wasn 't long before the boys started to yawn . " Okay , guys , off to bed . You want to be rested so you can go riding tomorrow morning . Make sure you brush your teeth . We 'll be up to tuck you in . " Donald and I settled down with a glass of wine and to talk about our week . I started telling him in more detail about my encounter with Agent Beekman . He listened intently and then said . " You know , I think I might call Senator Cox . I know he 's in town because I saw and spoke to him today in the restaurant where I was having lunch with one of my managers . He 's an old friend . He was a lawyer working for my father before he went into politics . Last I heard he served on the Senate Appropriations Committee and one of his sub - committee assignments oversees the Justice Department . " At breakfast the next morning , Mike asked if he could talk to me privately . I led him to the library and closed the door . " What 's up ? " " I talked to Alice last night , " he said . " She said she was going to go with Leon . I can 't let her do that and ruin her life . She 's too bright a girl to do something that stupid . Is it okay if I go talk to her this morning instead of going riding with you and the boys ? " " Of course it 's okay . Family comes first , " I said . " I have something to show you . I don 't want to butt into your business , but I care for you and by that token , your family . " I went to the desk and open the drawer where I had put Jack 's report . " I wanted to find out just what kind of character this Leon Browning is so I had my friend Jack Hogan checkup on him . Jack 's a PI . Here 's what he found out . " I handed the fax to Mike and waited while he read through the eight pages . " Mike , if you think it 's best , then go ahead . My suggestion would be to hold off on showing her the actual report . Instead tell her about what you 've learned from it . If she doesn 't believe you , then I would show her the report . I 'd do that as a last resort . She could very easily take it the wrong way and rebel . That could cause just the opposite of what you expect it would . Use your best judgment . The offer is still open for her to come spend some time here this weekend . It could show her what she might miss if she went off with this Leon character to some god - awful backwoods camp in the middle of nowhere . " " I 'll see if I can 't convince her to come . She only has to work until noon today . Maybe I can convince her to come spend some time with me before she goes off with Leon . I 'll lay a guilt trip on her , " Mike said , with an evil grin . As we were getting ready to go to the ranch , Joel said he was going to stay home and do some more studying for the upcoming exam he was planning to take . Again it took two vehicles to transport everybody to the ranch . Donald and William rode with the boys and me in the van while Lenore rode with Hildy and Manfred in their car . I started counting the number of people who would be riding versus the number of horses and they didn 't match up . It looked as if there would be two shifts of riders if everybody got to ride . Hildy had coordinated with Rosie and Jessica to plan a picnic for lunch . The van had barely rolled to a stop when the boys were out of the door and racing to the stables . Bert had three horses saddled and was working on a fourth when Donald and I made our way to the stable . We helped him as much as we could to get the rest of the horses saddled , but none left the stable until he had checked to make sure they were secure . We were almost finished with all the horses when Charlie arrived leading the three quarter horse mares . The pasture was filled with horses and kids for the rest of the morning . Usually there were at least two , and many times three or four , adults riding with the kids . The three young girls were the first to tire of riding and went to play with Carrie Louise . They had a hard time tearing her away from Hildy . For her part Carrie Louise loved the attention . I was surprised when Tracy arrived as the lunch was being laid out on the picnic tables . The stampede of horses from the back of the pasture arrived at nearly the same time as Tracy . I wondered how they knew that lunch was about to be served . " Tracy , it 's good to see you . You 're not here very often when we come to ride . How is business ? " I asked . " Fantastic ! If business keeps up like this I may have to hire another vet tech to help out . The reason I came home when Rosie said you were going to be here was I wanted to present you with the first payment on my loan , " he said , and handed me a check . I was surprised at the amount . " No , not at all . As I said , business is going great . I keep sufficient cash on hand to handle any emergency . Well , I 'm going to grab some lunch and then head back to the office . " The boys went back to riding after they had their lunch . Donald and I sat out this shift of riders . " While we have a little time , I think I 'll call the good Senator , " Donald said . " We 'll never know unless we try , " he said , as he dialed his cell phone . " Rachael , it 's Donald Baker . How 's my favorite girlfriend ? " There was a pause and then Donald laughed . " Sweetheart , you know I 'd rather talk to you than I would that bum of a husband of yours , but I really need to talk to Billy Ray . " There was a pause before Donald spoke again . " Is that any way to greet one of your biggest donors ? Be careful or I might support your opponent in the next election . " . . . " Look , Billy Ray , I did call you for something other than to be abused by you . There is a hot - shot agent in the local FBI office who might possibly jeopardize an investigation by the US Attorney for the Southern District . Besides , he 's an obnoxious , overbearing SOB . " " His name is Beekman . I don 't know his first name . " . . . " Maybe you could suggest to your good friend , the Director , that Adak , Alaska needs an agent of Beekman 's talents . " . . . " Oh , another thing , this Beekman knows someone or is related to someone that is high on the food chain in the FBI and has been able to protect him from demotion or termination . Maybe your spies can figure out who that is . " . . . " Thanks , Billy Ray , the next time you 're in town we 'll have to have lunch . Tell Rachael if she ever decides to dump you that I 'm available . " . . . " That hurt , Billy Ray . I 'm hanging up now before I get anymore abuse . " Your comments and criticisms are welcomed and encouraged . I try to answer all emails including flames . Send them to tedlouis @ tedlouis . com , please put Joel in the subject . |
Tehran : Salom , Iran 26 June , 2017Leave a comment The plane from lovely Kuala Lumpur airport to Tehran was quite interesting . I could start observing locals and , after a while , I started seeing some tourist heading to Tehran at the same time . Iranian people seemed to me extremely beautiful . Gorgeous manly men and women that were even more beautiful . Almond eyes , Persian faces … An attractive bunch of people . Something that relaxed me was to see most of the women without a scarf on their head and some even in short sleeves because I had been thinking all day about the protocol and my overalls . Once in the plane , I could see how every foreigner was speaking to a Iranian quite friendly . I wasn 't because I had nobody else in my row , which I considered really good for an eight hours flight with night time until I had someone changing seats to my row . It happened to be some footballer , famous or not he showed me a few pictures of him and he was delighted to hear that I was from Spain and didn 't waste any time before saying Xavi Iniesta . The guy saw me writing stuff in my computer and organising pictures and he probably thought I was having Wi - Fi because I don 't know how many times he asked me if there was any Wi - Fi . I was quite surprised when the food kart came in and brought him a juice and a double vodka . But he was so nice that he offered some vodka for the fake Thai coke that AirAsia served me . I refused the free alcohol ( how much a person change ! ) and we kept exchanging a few words now and then . At my arrival to the airport , I quickly went to get my visa on arrival with all the documents on hand to try to get it done as fast as I could because it was already past midnight . The process was smooth and after paying the fee that I happened to carry exactly in Euros ( luckily for me because all I carried was dollars and I hadn 't foreseen that the payment would have to be only in Euros ) I was free to get a taxi to the hostel I had booked for the visa . Otherwise , I would have not booked anything because I had a lovely Iranian woman offering to host me . It surprised me the seriousness of the taxis over the airport . No haggling , no scamming … just a fixed amount to be paid to any taxi driver wherever you were going in Tehran . No fuzz , no mess . What a contrast with the rest of Asia ! The problem came when the driver didn 't really know where we were going . I had the address , the address in Farsi and the phone of the hostel and even after calling them himself , he took me somewhere else . I immediately realised and told him it was not Amir Kabir Hotel , but Amir Kabir Street where the hotel was . I had to explain it to him several times and another phone call after he took me to the correct place . And what a nice surprise to have the whole dorm room for myself despite how late it was ! The last days I had slept in two different airports and two different planes . It was about time to get a bed and to have the dorm for myself was like being in paradise . I slept and slept until I could not sleep anymore , 8am the next morning . And just a bit after a new roomie arrived , a lovely girl from Indonesia . We had a chat and then I couldn 't wait anymore to get breakfast and went to the rooftop to enjoy a simple breakkie with nice views to very brown mountains that I absolutely loved . There , I met a Tunisian guy that had been also travelling for a long while and was finishing his trip in Iran . We chatted a lot and although at the beginning we connected quite quickly because we had the same views about life back home after travelling , and similar stuff , we chatted about travelling around Iran , where he could give me some tips . The first ones were cool . Then he told me not to hitchhike ( I wasn 't going to in this country , but I guessed he perceived my hippie style ) , and then continued saying to me not to say anybody I had a boyfriend . As I told him , well , I don 't have , so I won 't . He explained to me that it could be seen as being open , word that they were using here for sexual workers and similar stuff . As a Western woman with boyfriend , the most traditional people only could see that there was sex before marriage and therefore , you were open and therefore , certain things would be okay … I got it , I got , but let 's not be so radical . Then , I explained to him what I always do : I say I am engaged . Which eliminates a lot of questions and bad thoughts and also gives me some property ( being me the object , sadly ) . I make it fun , anyways , I have had plenty of fiancés in India . This guy liked the strategy . After the harsh words I have had to listen , I was ready to go out and worry about the first thing and more important thing : money . I had to change my dollars to rials because I had no money that I could use . So , I was about to get out of the hostel when I heard a few words that I didn 't like to say ( especially coming from a man ) : " I don 't think you can go out like that " . And by " like that " he meant my super conservative over sized short sleeved T - shirt . Because I was already wearing a scarf and baggy - loose - Aladdin - long pants . I changed to the only long sleeve shirt I had and , resigned , made my way out . The atmosphere outside didn 't make it any better . The neighbourhood was basically full of shops with car parts , tires and car related stuff and full of men . Some of them , looking at me like a piece of meat . I felt a bit intimidated by the surroundings and I was looking at everybody with mistrust . But I finally got to change my dollars and after having money with me and having an old man telling me in a very warm way that he loved Spanish football and that I was beautiful with a true and warm smile , I started feeling better . After that , I waited in this square for Mary , the Iranian woman I was going to meet with to get some clothes and do stuff together . She was amazing ! She took care so well of me . We took the metro together , help me with the bills because I couldn 't understand them , with the prices because of the same ( Arabic numbers plus they have two currencies ! How crazy ) . We hit the bazaar and she was asking everyone to make sure we were going where the clothes are . First place I saw something I liked , she was asking for the price and if I could try it on . I invited her inside the fitting room and we got to eat a couple of cherries and a peach without nobody knowing . She was amazing , I know I am not easy to go with to buy clothes and although in this situation all I was looking for was cheap clothes proper for the country , I can be a bit specific about what I want but she put up with everything and helped me to find cheap stuff and to choose appropriate things . Because , here it is something I don 't understand : the shops were having short sleeve T - shirts , tank tops and all kind of things that you actually cannot wear here . I even saw a shop with sexy - time night dresses ! Anyways , I couldn 't be happier with my acquisitions and I even got a new beautiful scarf that no doubt was the star of all of them . To finish it up , I got an eyeliner because all women were looking extremely nice and using lots of makeup and I thought I would use a bit as well . I was missing this one out so much … She was lovely and helped me out a lot when I was asked for my passport at the exit of the metro by some militars . Apparently there had been a bombing less than a week ago in Theran and 14 people had died , so things were a little shaken up and more controlled than usual . I felt so grateful that she was there with me ! The day continued in some park we were started taking selfies and doing silly things like two teenagers ! I was surprised she had 38 years old and a daughter , actually . Then , we were seeing the birds in the park and we continued to take a metro to somewhere north in Tehran where I would have to decide to see a big tower that you could go up and enjoy the views of the city or a bridge . To go to the tower we needed to take a taxi after the metro and when I saw the huge traffic jam there was , I decided on the bridge . A super nice bridge that happened to had been managed during its construction by a 28 years old Iranian woman . Girl power ! For the next day , I had breakfast , checked out and got to get a SIM card because locals were insisting so much on it that it seemed necessary . I am always against getting a SIM card if I am not staying in a country for a long period and I am even more against having data on my phone because it keeps you from whatever is going on in the place you are to transport you somewhere where you are not . I am fine with it for short periods but I don 't like to have it all day , simply . But in this case the deal was too good to let it go . After that sorted , I went to visit the Golestan Palace . It was a magnificent palace with halls full of fine mirrors in a mixture of Persian and European architecture at times , with gifts from all over the world to Iran at an old time . At the very beginning of my visit , lost trying to find the restrooms , I managed to ask a man that kindly took me to the right place . Coincidentally , I met him again on my way out and we talked about the visit since he was working there and I had learnt previously that he was also a Master 's teacher in the university of Architecture teaching restoration . He then asked me if I wanted to visit some other museum and I asked him which one , because there are tons and tons of different museums in this city . He invited me to go with him to the glass museum and I felt curious and couldn 't refuse to be his guest , as he named me . Golestan Palace . Part of it . We went to the glass and ceramic museum and entered for free . Cooool . He seemed to be an important man . I didn 't find the museum especially impressive or interesting but he was fun and making jokes about which piece I like and okay , I will take it later as a souvenir for you . We found an artefact that he took the bother to explain me and I found particularly interesting . They were kind of bottles with the shape of the eye at the top of them . They happen to be used for collecting the tears of the wives of the sailors while they were gone from home . At their back , they would get this as a present and the wives would get presents from the sailors . Right after this museum , he offered me to go to the National museum . I had been advised that the museum was not really worth the ticket price and there was not much there but since I was with this super important man and he also could explain me stuff quite interesting I thought of giving it a go . On the way there , we had to cross some really busy street ( it was busy but it wasn 't Saigon , or Delhi , for me it was not such big deal ) and he decided to take my hand to help me crossing . He repeated this at the next crossing and then I started not liking the gesture , as much as it was to help me , because I don 't think it was right for this country . At the third time he tried the same , I avoided his hand . He realised and asked me why and started telling me that it was something very normal in Iran between friends and to show friendship and bla bla bla … I told him it didn 't feel right to me and in my country only couples do that and since I was engaged it was not right . He insisted but I had already made my mind . I hadn 't seen anybody holding hands and also , I didn 't want to hold hands with a man I had just met , plus , I didn 't know what kind of signs is this sending in this country or how it is perceived . But it is the most restrictive country I have ever been to , so … Not a chance The museum was cool , the same procedure for the entrance happened : he exchanged a few words with someone and … happy days , doors are open ! The museum was nothing special but there was a famous skull and leg almost totally conserved in salt because this miner had been trapped in the salt mine . In the way here and there , we exchanged emails to write each other and to practise his English . I was happy to , I like to receive random stuff from people all over the world . He also offered to take me to some other palace next day but that very night I would be on a bus to Isfahan , my next destination and would not be possible this time . But I will be back to Tehran , so who knows . After the museum he accompanied me a little bit to my hotel to show me some cool buildings on the way and that I was thankful for , because due to some images of soldiers at the entrance tiles I would have never dared to take a picture or get in to snoop around . You have to be very careful here with military sensitive buildings . During the walk inside , he insisted very much on holding my hand for a while and then I started getting pissed off because I don 't like to repeat myself that many times … What a pain in the ass . I got off the situation the best I could , shook off his hands , said this new word I had just learnt for saying goodbye and God provides that we see each other soon and went back to my hotel . He was nice and had offered me to give me a lift to the bus station that night and everything but the hands things bothered me a bit too much , especially him insisting that much because I wasn 't sure what was behind it . Back at the hostel I chilled a bit and waited for 8 . 30 pm , the time when fast is broken and all restaurants open . I have had an apricot and a plum during the day and hunger was real now . And after food , I hit the bus station . It was a mess , buses and people screaming everywhere . Only that I didn 't even know what they were screaming . I was caught by someone just on my way there and they helped me to get the bus ticket . I had my doubts about if they were touts , if they were doing the correct thing or simply scamming me and if the ticket I got was valid . They wanted me to get in the 10pm bus but I knew it would be too early and I would end up arriving in the middle of the night to Isfahan so I tried to negotiate a later bus . I only could get as late as 11pm although I was looking for the one around midnight . Anyways , I wanted the regular bus and not VIP because I was already over budget and I was worried about the money ( cards don 't work here , you only can count on the cash you bring ) . For the price of the ticket , I had my very serious doubts , but someone called me to put my backpack in the bus priory indicated and then I relaxed . They told me to wait half an hour more until 11 . 30pm and when I was chilling sitting down , I had the guy coming to me and giving me ANOTHER ticket . I didn 't understand . After a while , I had the guy from the beginning coming to me in a rush because it was almost 11pm , to get me in a different bus . WHAT ? I indicated him with my best rushed signs that my backpack was actually already in another bus . He run to get the guy from that bus , they opened the compartment , took my bag and took me and my bag to this other bus . There , I got in and found that the front was where the women were sitting and also , it was completely full . I kept going until the back to see myself completely surrounded by men . I had something clear : I was not sitting down next to a man . If local women were not , I wasn 't . What I saw as an advantage , because that meant I would not have anybody else sitting next to me and therefore I would have two seats to lay down a bit the whole journey . I took my two seats and prepared myself for what would be a dreadful journey , because I didn 't get much sleep and one of the seats was broken and falling apart all the time , which resulted in an elbow bleeding . But it is not the first time a journey was leaving me injured ( I just remember the worst possible journey I had in India and this one was looking just fine ) . And yes , I had to sleep with the scarf . Beijing , without time for everything 26 June , 201726 June , 2017Leave a comment After a fun overnight train where I had fun before going to sleep and I still managed to attract everyone 's attention after waking up because I had to stitch my small backpack a bit and they seemed to be overly curious about everything I was doing , after all that , I finally arrived to Beijing . Without any couchsurfing to do because I couldn 't find anybody to take me in , I had booked the cheapest hostel in the city and copied the instructions on how to arrive on my phone . Unluckily , I was distracted with more stuff in my phone and I managed to take the bus in the opposite direction . After a while , I realised and took the right bus and eventually got to the hostel . Luckily , they allowed me to check in earlier and I could leave my stuff , take a shower and then go to Tianmen Square to have a look because it was quite close and although tired , I didn 't want to bed just yet . The square overwhelmed me , its dimensions made seem that there were barely any people around , but don 't fool yourself , in China there is people everywhere . I decided on checking the museum , as I considered it was already late to start seeing the Forbidden City and that was something I wanted to do with calm to enjoy it . And in the funny moment of the day was starring the security staff of the museum . I was already used to pass security everywhere , in every metro I was taking and any public building . But here they were beyond everything having me taking the big bottle of water that I always have with me out of my backpack . I wondered what was going on , because as always the language barrier was there . They asked me : water ? " Yes , water " , I answered . Then they said : " drink " . What ? I have to drink it now ? I cannot go inside with water ? I was confused . They repeated : " drink " . I tried to understand and seeing that we couldn 't get to an understanding and I could not continue with it , I took a long sip to the water before leaving the bottle there . The minute I started drinking they said okay , okay , okay ! I had to stop . I didn 't understand . They pointed inside the museum , as I could continue the way . And then I understood : they just wanted me to proof it was water by drinking of it . As in Medieval times ! I spent like 5 minutes laughing at it alone . After that , I spent the whole afternoon in the museum . I don 't think I got to see even half of it . It was huge ! But I was kicked out and also tired so I have to leave it alone and be happy with what I saw , which still was a lot . That was the first day done . The second day I woke up more than decided to get to the Great Wall . I had been doing a minimum research and from what I could see there were different sections of it to be visited . The most difficult to get was also the wilder , the further from Beijing , the more expensive and obviously less crowded . I wanted to avoid the crowds , but I couldn 't afford to take a taxi o get a car by myself and also I didn 't feel I had all the time in the world to do this . I didn 't feel like overcomplicating it so I decided on the Badaling section , the most visited and easiest to get . So I took a tourist bus , full of Chinese people as tourists as myself , to take me there . As usual , there was lack of understanding but I got there , got my ticket and found out the way to walk up , because I didn 't want to take the cable car . Just while in the bus I had the chance to gaze the Great Wall and didn 't disappoint . But to be there , with the amazing surroundings … the terrain going up and down everywhere around and the wall on top of each , going up and down with the mountains until your eyes could reach to see . Of course it was crowded but nothing like too much . There were a couple of groups together , one of Europeans and another one with American school kids . Once I managed to get detached from them , it felt better . Also , I took the section going through 8 towers which seemed to be longer and therefore more crowded . But at lunch time , when I came back to the starting point and decided to do the other section with 4 towers , it was practically empty and the sun came out and everything was simply perfect . I got a bit of a sunburnt , something I thought I was over with , but well … And I finished the visit with a quick look to the museum , to give some insights of its development through different emperors , its construction , reform , use and other curiosities that I missed because my knowledge of Chinese is limited to hello and thank you . After such day , I was tired from climbing all the steep parts of the wall and I did nothing else . For next day , I slept in a bit to enjoy a bit more of sleep ( the previous night I have had a bear or something similar to a man snoring on the top bunk ) and then I headed to the Forbidden City or the palace . What I thought it would take a few hours , took all the day and I would have enjoyed one or two more hours there just to check everything that it is inside . I wasn 't expecting the amount of halls , palaces and buildings that there were and each of them was architecturally beautiful . The only thing that bothered me was the extreme heat and the difficulty for finding some shadow most of the time . We hit the 40 degrees that day and I was already a bit sunburnt from the previous one . Nothing serious though , at this stage I am over the pale Irish skin syndrome I had been suffering some time ago . The funny story of the day was I asked a foreigner to take a picture of me right at the entrance . To what he answered : " To take a picture with you or of you ? " I naturally said : " men , why would I want a picture with you ? " It was came alone and without thinking but it seems that this was all very natural to him as well because he said that he had been asked for pictures a lot and I answered to him that I was very sorry he was not that exotic to me and if he could take a picture OF me . The result : I eventually got tired of taking so many pictures in the Forbidden City , it was too big , too vast , too many things … To end up the day and knowing it would be my last full day in the city I decided to try the local delicatessen : Pekin duck . I asked in the hostel reception for a good place to have it and they recommended me the oldest one and I think the expensive one . Of course , they were charging per duck and I wouldn 't eat a whole one despite I barely had lunch that day . The receptionist recommended me to get some friends to share it or try somewhere else . Before the impossibility of getting friends that I had come across ( for the first time ) I decided to take a walk and find a place . I got to a nice restaurant and , seeing the price and comparing it with what I had been told by the receptionist , I thought I would get a piece of duck . I asked , several times , but there was no possibility of communication , so I gave up and ordered it . The whole duck came . I only managed to eat half of it and got the rest to take away to do " something " with it because I always refuse to dump food . The next day was the last day in the city ; I checked out , left my bag at the hostel and went to explore certain park and the Heaven Temple which was inside it . I didn 't know what it was about but sounded interesting and I discovered a huge place where people used to pray for the harvest and make sacrifices and all that . It blew my mind to see it all and try to gather in my mind what once had been going on there . They even had the " ovens " and funerary pyres and the holes where the blood and hairs of the animals were going . It was superb . Once at the airport , I panicked a bit when I tried to withdraw money from an ATM and I couldn 't because after 2 or 3 steps everything was coming up in Chinese and I wasn 't able to figure out where the " withdraw " button was . It was an important part because in my next destination , Iran , the cards would not work and I needed to carry enough cash with me for the whole time I was planning to be there . I had some but I needed some extra for emergencies . The panic attack was gone when after a while I found a different ATM and I was successful in the transaction . The next thing I needed to do was to make sure where I needed to head for the check thing and , after that , I was ready to find the nicest possible spot for me to sleep a few hours before doing the check in . The departures area was impossible . So I could only consider the arrivals area , as messy as it was . I spotted some people that seemed to be living there or at least staying for a long term and thought I was in the right place but I needed to find something somewhere else to avoid any problem . But all the chairs had armrests and it seemed impossible to find a place where to lie down a bit . I was thinking of finding a hidden corner to sleep of the floor ( it was not going to be the first time ) and then I saw a nice padded continuous seat going around some big plant and a person already laying there . That was my place ! And I accommodated myself for what it would be 4 hours of pretty good sleep despite the continuous arrivals , noise and airport calls . Because it was free of snoring , finally . A more than 6 hours flight after , I was back to KL Airport . Back to Malaysia . I have no idea how many times I had been here or how many times this airport had been my house but for this time it would not be from the landside . I took the time to catch up on facebook , to post stuff , to write , to text and to take a nap in some cosy carpeted corner I found with the sign of ATM but without an actual one . Which gave me the advantage of having a plug in there for myself as well and charge my gadgets . After 7 hours of layover , I was taking my plane to Iran , the very final destination of the day . I would only arrive there at night but a whole day travelling is now bringing me to a new area of the world where I expect to live more adventures . I am feeling excited and the fact that I am coming closer to Europe is not making me sad as a few months ago it would have made me . New goals , new feelings , new stuff to figure out and I can 't wait . Xi An , a better surprise ! 11 June , 201711 June , 20172 Comments My train arrived to Xi An on time . Despite it was an early arrival , people woke up me even earlier ( 6am ) and then the coach assistant woke me up again at 6 . 30 for changing my card for the ticket I had changed when taking the train . I never found out what the card was and there was no door in the compartment because I obviously was travelling in the cheap class . After a sweet or two everything looks better early in the morning and I went to the tourism information office outside the station to ask for a map and information about what bus I could take until the Westin hotel where my host was working and we had arranged to meet . The personal was as helpful as usual ( very little and also very rude ) and I went in the other side of the station to get a ticket to get out of Xi An in a couple of days . There were no tickets for sleeper and I didn 't feel as adventurous as taking an overnight train of 14 hours in a seat , also because I knew how the seats were going to be and I decided to stay one more day . Anyways , accommodation is free and it was raining that day so I could take it easy and relax . I had enough days and although I was taking a day from Beijing I felt it was fine . Once everything was sorted I felt ready to take the bus to the Westin hotel . I arrived there with my shorts , my sandals , my raincoat and soaked . An overly nice guy welcomed me the minute he saw me and asked me to see if he could help me . Wow . This is what happens when people pay , they get the service as well . And now I do because I am here . I told him I was meeting a friend there because she was working there and I would text her by the free public Wi - Fi in the hotel . He invited me to sit down and in between , a couple that was getting married left the hotel with the whole show of the fake rose petals all over the place . Anyways , Huiyuan , my host , answered me and told me she wasn 't working but she would come to pick me up and I waited for her . She arrived in a taxi and we went to her place after eating together something that would be between breakfast and lunch for me . We arrived at the house and we relaxed and fell asleep . I had a great siesta , it had been a very long time since the last one and I was tired enough to manage to sleep two hours no problem . Also , I had planned to climb mount Huasan , but it was further than I thought and the rain wouldn 't allow . Apparently it is a quite dangerous climb already … So I desisted on my first ideas and preferred to sleep Then , she asked me if I was hungry and as every time I take a nap , I was . We went for food although only I ate and then she told me she would call her friend that speaks Spanish and I could speak Spanish . I was happy with that and an Indian guy living in China and speaking Spanish appeared 10 minutes after . After speaking a while , seeing that it was only the two of us , he invited me to go for a glass of wine to his place , just 14 floors above in the same building . I rarely say no to wine and we went up and were chatting about life in India , because I never get tired of it and because you can speak about this for hours and hours and it never ends . We also talked about my host , how they met each other and that typical stuff and I confirmed what I already suspected : she was a daddy 's girl getting a lot of money from him . She was great anyways , and always asking me what I needed and if I was feeling okay and all . Really thoughtful . After a couple of glasses I felt I was getting too happy and told him I wouldn 't drink more and I was tired which I actually was . He dropped me back to Huiyuan 's place and after , he was going to get some food and as she wasn 't going to eat anything , I came down with him to grab some noodles to take away and eat them back at his apartment . Then he dropped me downstairs again and I prepared to go to sleep also again . Another guy that was sleeping in the other room was around as well but he didn 't say much and the situation with him seemed weird for some reason even though Huiyuan had told me " my friend is staying here , sometimes he does sometimes he doesn 't I hope you don 't mind " . He didn 't seem his friend but I wasn 't sure about the situation and didn 't want to ask . By next day my host woke up super early and I of course stayed in bed . I enjoyed the feeling and sleep and sleep and … God , I had to get up and do something with myself , I couldn 't spend ANOTHER day sleeping ! So , I got up and got my shit together . Had for breakfast the leftovers from the previous night that became handy to help me because I was still feeling tired and made my way out . I closed the door , locked it and outside the building I decided I wanted to take some food from the street stalls for later . Or not because then I realised I forgot my wallet in the house and there was no way in back . In the drowsy stated I was that morning , I could have left my head , but fortunately that one is attached to my shoulders ( for no purpose ) . I thought about what to do and came back up to knock the door of the Indian guy , in case he was staying there and could help me out . But he wasn 't . Then , I came back to Huiyuan 's to get Wi - Fi from her apartment and text her . She wasn 't answering and I knew she was at the Westin , so I told her I would go there but it would take me a while because I would have to walk as I had not a single coin for taking a bus . Almost an hour later I arrived to the Westin hotel , where they received as friendly as always and then managed to talk to Huiyuan . She offered to give me the keys of her house but as I told her , I don 't have money to go to your house again and then I need to bring them back to make sure you can go to your house once you finish work . Maybe it would be possible to borrow some money instead ? She immediately agreed asking me how much I needed and I gave her a high number because I wanted to go to see the Xian terracotta warriors and that had been my plan for the day . I asked for 200 yuans that she very quickly made 300 just in case . I felt terribly bad because I absolutely hate asking for money and having any kind of trouble because of such a stupid thing as money . I tend to think money gets the worse of the people and creates many more problems than it solves . So it made me a bit paranoid of what she could be thinking of me or if I was up to something or … who knows . And I assured and reassured her that I had the money home and the minute I was back I could get it back to her . She was as chilled as usual and that made me relax a bit . And like that , after all the stress and thinking I had ruined the day because it was also raining and it was not a good day to wander around the city , everything was sorted and I took a bus to see the warriors ! Hurray ! Firstly , I saw the two bronze chariots of which I had no idea about their existence . Then , I got to the pit number 2 and what I saw blew my mind : The whole site , the excavations , the warriors , the immensity of it … . Even the fact that you could see so clearly how things are still going on . It is the most impressive thing I have seen in the last two months . Maybe three . The only thing I didn 't like was that it was crowded , as any other attraction in China . Then , I kept going and I saw two lads that were more than happy to see a foreigner , me , in between the crowds and invited me to high five . I exchanged with them the typical " where are you from " , they were from Australia and thought I was American first and then British , which is happening a lot lately for some reason ( especially American ) . I could go on with the feelings it brought to be there , I will just say that I enjoyed it very much and thought very penny had been worth it . Then , I went to see the actual tomb of the emperor , which result that was only a hill with no access that was a nice break from the crowds and had a few more pits around although not as impressive and big as the first ones . I had to rush my way there because I didn 't want to miss the last bus to Xi An and I didn 't even have enough money to find a solution to that if happening . I went to the train station to leave my bag there and then I had a nice walk around the walls of the city . Only part of them because Xi An happens to have the biggest city inside a wall in the world . Then I decided to go to the Muslim Quarter and what a nice place ! I loved the Chinese Muslim combination and had a great time walking by the street markets . The food , the people , the stuff around … it was all different and kept me entertained for a good while . There was a mosque but I didn 't get into because I will be in Iran in a few days and I am expecting to see beautiful mosques . By the way , I think mosques are my favourite building to see and visit , at least architecturally speaking . Then , I thought I would try my luck finding some clothes for Iran and I got to try a dress quite nice . I was about to take it but the bargaining didn 't go the way I wanted and I had my doubts about it . Firstly I wasn 't sure it was okay because it didn 't cover my ankles although it did cover everything else and second , I was almost sure that I would never wear it again after Iran because it was making no shape at all on me , which was good for the purpose that meant I wouldn 't pay too much for something I was only going to use for a very short period of time . I had a blast at the first two hours of the journey . Firstly I caused a human traffic jam at the corridor , but everyone acted very nicely and patiently . I couldn 't believe it ! And then , I got a very good seat by the window to see the sunset and have dinner , because my life is romance . That is where everything started . While I was watching the sunset of a cloudy sky with some lightenings and decided to get some hot water poured on my noodles , the mate in front of me , a lovely old Chinese man thought of having his noodles as well . He was absorbing them really loudly and so did I , just for the craic . Both of us were about to finish when the conversation started . I don 't know what kind of conversation , because he was speaking Chinese and I was speaking whatever I wanted that usually is a mix between English , Spanish and body signs . My Chinese is limited to two words : hello and thank you . So it was impossible that I was understanding and he couldn 't either but somehow I explained I liked China , I was from Spain , I was here for two weeks and my itinerary . The hardest part was to tell them where I was from . They initially thought I was English , in a misunderstanding where I told him I only knew English and not Chinese . Then , he was wearing a Rome jersey so I pointed at his jersey trying to make him guess that my country was Spain and he got to guess Italy , France … no Spain . I was disappointed . Half of the compartment and two more people of the compartment next to us got in the conversation until someone got it and made the bull sign . Yessss , that 's Spain ! Bulls , bulls . The situation became hilarious . Everyone was trying to talk to me in Chinese and then they decided to make use of the few English words they knew : hello , good afternoon , one , two , three , four , thank you and good . And repeat them randomly . Funny as it was , it got better and someone got a phone to translate Chinese into English . The first question they got to ask is if I was a student . I said no and the next was : then you must be a boss , which company so do you work , can you talk about it ? I couldn 't stop laughing . No boss , no boss ! I said . But they ( the phone ) said : " no no , your look is like the one of a boss " . They were taking the piss and I couldn 't stop laughing . Then , I managed to explain I was an architect ( that was a tough one and I ended up using a dictionary ) . And they recommended me to see the buildings in Beijing , where we all were going . In between I was offered fruits by the wife of the guy that started everything , lovely as she was she insisted on the fruits . Nanjing , getting up early 10 June , 2017Leave a comment My train arrived to Nanjing as the night was falling and the first thing I did was to get my ticket out of the city . Lucky me I did because there were no tickets left in the trains I wanted and I had to take one leaving a bit earlier and arriving quite early in the morning . But it is done . Next thing was to take the metro to the station where my host lives . I had agreed with her to meet her up in a KFC quite close to the station , where I could get Wi - Fi and wait for her to finish her late meeting . As I had time I also had dinner in the meantime and after an hour or so , she picked me up . Her house was really close and after getting a shower we could catch up a bit with our lives . She gave me some maps and some hints of where I could go the next day and that was it , because she was working the next day and I had to leave with her . Which meant I had to wake up at 7am . I had a nice sleep in her couch but the wake up was dreadful and I quickly got ready and left the place with her . At the corner of her house there were several food stalls where we got our breakfast for the way . She asked for me a roll of red rice with other stuff rolled inside and she got rice porridge for herself that I wanted to try as well so I got one for me as well . It was weird to have salty food for breakfast , I mean , I was used to the noodles and the rice but this was different … I missed nutella sooo much . And then I missed coffee . But the real revelation of the morning was to see the metro at pick time because if it had shocked me to see how many people were in the street at that time , the metro was something else . Yvonne knew the exact time that a metro was passing by empty and we waited for it . I couldn 't believe how people run to get a free seat as they were running for their lives . I didn 't get one and stood next to her , who was trained in the art and sitting down . I got off a couple of stops after Yvonne to go to the Purple Mountain . A mountain where lots of imperial tombs had been built and where it seemed to be nice to wander around . I had absolutely nothing ready of what I wanted to see when I arrived to the city and no idea what there was around but this had seemed a good idea the previous night . But it was too early to have any feeling close to joy . I used to be a morning person but surely I am not any more . After taking my time to get to a point where I was something closer to a person , I started my hiking around the mountain and got lost here and there and got to check different of small museums , a garden where some old people were making Chinese music and singing and also got to the free tomb . I was not interested in seeing them all and I also felt that I have had a very good experience with this in Vietnam and was way much better because I was with my friend Phuc who also was an architect and made the experience very cool . Yvonne told me that the other tomb was very worth it in autumn but it is almost summer so it was decided . It was cool and there were good views although not perfect because of some fog around that I wasn 't sure if it was due to the humidity or the pollution . On my way back I really needed some food that I got covered with part of the breakfast but then I got a craving for sweet because I had been thinking of it all day and I went to look for some shop where I got some milky tea I getting addicted to . Since I left the mountain , I decided to check out some part of the city that seemed interesting and I had marked in my map and I happen to come across a huge museum . I got in and it was more than worth it , it had a bit of everything , very well sectioned and it surprised me the most when I got to some recreation of an old Nanjing , with shops , a tea shop and … A Chinese opera performance that I stayed to enjoy a bit . Although it was obvious that I couldn 't understand anything , I got to gather that the first performance I saw was something similar to Romeo and Juliet . The other one I was not sure but I stayed to hear them , to see their makeup and dressed , to listen to the music and to be amazed by their gestural performance in general . Then , I realised there was some free Wi - Fi in the place and I sat down to have some rest for a while and also to download pictures and make something nice to wish my sister a happy birthday later on , once I had called her . That made me waste a lot of time , although I also needed to rest a bit , and at the end I didn 't have time enough to climb to the viewpoint where the funicular was going , but I suppose it was alright because of the fog anyways … And after they were closing down the museum I only got to a lake at the foot of the mountain where the sun going down was reflecting , making a too romantic scene for a person alone . I went back to the closest metro station to go back home and the mess started : I had to find the building and the apartment and they all were the exact same . Also , it had been to early in the morning to have a fresh good memory of my exact steps when I left the building with Yvonne and I only had written down the apartment number , the floor and the building number . The building numbers were in Chinese so the last piece of information was pretty useless . I also knew the front door of the building was supposed to be unlocked all the time because it had been broken in some fire event … I went to the first building where I was almost sure I left this morning . But the front door was locked . Well , I thought it could have been fixed just that morning . And I waited for someone entering the building to sneak in with them . I went to the 12th floor and … the number of the apartment I was looking for wasn 't there . So I was in the wrong building . As this seemed the last building in the row of buildings , I went back and tried my luck in the one before it with the same tactic . Once in the 12th floor , I found the number of the apartment but something seemed odd in the exact location of it . It was like in the opposite side of the building as I was remembering . I had my doubts but there were also some red Chinese stickers on the door as Yvonne had at hers . I turned on the Wi - Fi on my phone , as it should be connecting to hers immediately but nothing . Okay , not here . I was not knocking this door if I was not entirely sure simply because I wouldn 't be able to explain the mistake . I went down and checked the building before but just looking at the entrance I knew it wasn 't it . I thought of going upstairs again but I was afraid people started noticing me too much and this is full of police everywhere checking your bags , your key and everything and I was feeling like a terrorist . So I went back to look for Wi - Fi in the KFC where I met her the first day only that I found it closer and then I texted her to come and pick me up . WheI was expecting a bit more of interaction with my host that night but I don 't think she was in the mood and she kept on her phone and went to her bedroom to watch something so I did my own stuff . Next morning we woke up at 7am again and the same procedure only that I got something different for breakfast ( some fried stuff with sesame that seemed more tolerable than the rice porridge ) and I also got a seat in the metro . Things were improving but by the time I got to the Confucius Temple some of the shops around were not even open . Which made me realise of how early it was again and I went to get some milky tea and free Wi - Fi while I watched the square getting cleaned up . When I felt like , I started walking around the buildings , the bridges , crossing the river and appreciating the nice area I was located . And then I got in to the Confucius Temple and I took very long there because firstly it was big and secondly there were tourists but it was not loaded up with them and that was something new . I felt so comfortable there that I sat down on a bench in a side of the temple and then felt inspired to put words to some things that had been going on in my head about going back home , which will happen but not with immediate effect . I spent like an hour just writing stuff and thinking . Afterwards , I felt ready and hungry to move on . Got some food , had a surprise lunch because after 10 minutes trying to get an understanding I preferred to point something on the menu randomly and got some rice with pork , green peppers , fried peanuts and soya beans in some spicy sauce . It was spot on and I continued my way to a huge park in the area full of memorials and gardens where I got lost the whole afternoon . Here I must make a special mention to the public toilets . So far it had been okay , consisting in squat toilets where the toilet paper was absent as usual but also there was no bum gun . But just now I remembered the conversation on toilets I had with a couchsurfer in Hong Kong . It was almost comical but I still didn 't feel like laughing : no doors so as you find your " toilet " you see other ladies squatting doing their business and no toilet , as nothing made of ceramic but a built - in trench where … there is no need to be more explicit as much I like the topic . I decided to go back to the place I was staying a bit earlier with the desire of having time with Yvonne and get along with her a bit more . On the way I got pissed off with some stuff back home and debated myself in between not seeing anybody and continue my plan and put my mind off it . I continued with my plan , found the apartment easily this time and asked Yvonne to go for dinner because I didn 't have anything and I wanted her to show me something local . She thought a walk would be a good idea and went somewhere close for local noodles with pork 's blood , pork 's liver and tofu . She was surprised that I liked it and I was delighted to pump up my iron intake . Then we took a walk and I got to see around the shopping centre the karaoke cabins , where 3 people were in singing at that moment ; the kids area with lots of activities like dance studios , battery classes and so on and the gym . We also went for a milky tea and maybe it was the sugar overdose or how pissed off I still was , that when I heard she wanted to get her hair cut and there was a place at the corner of her house she wanted to check because they were doing 5 RMB ( 0 . 65 € ) haircuts , I told her : If that 's truly the price , I will do it with you ! And it was . I had a hard time explaining how I wanted my hair , but I was doing nothing too crazy and anyways my hair will be covered in a week for a while so I had not much to worry about . The excitement of doing this kind of stuff always gets me back up and a change in the hair is always the answer to a change in your life or something to face . I didn 't adore the result but only to get it washed it was worth it . Then , we went back home and she wanted to watch a movie , which happened to be a Spanish movie . It was great because it was in Spanish and subtitled in Chinese but it was a pretty bad movie and she went to bed and I stayed because my bed was the couch and finished the lame movie . Next day I didn 't have to wake up early because it was Saturday so it was fine ! By the time I woke up next day , I had breakfast , packed my things up and prepared to leave because Yvonne had already asked too many times when I was going to be gone . I had the feeling she didn 't want me around more time and I didn 't want anyone to be uncomfortable so I left . The only thing that bothered me was that she didn 't really care if there were no lockers to leave my big bag and I didn 't understand what the hassle was leaving the bag at her place and coming back for it later , considering she had told me she was going to stay home and had no plans . But well , I would figure things out then . Once at the train station , I asked for lockers around and some guy paid me attention and offered to help . I did my best with my body language to explain to him what I was looking for and he was only answering in Chinese . Difficult understanding between us . He offered something , started taking me somewhere and once I realised that it wasn 't leading to the train station I knew something was wrong because nobody here had been so helpful before and I apologised and made my way there on my own . I asked a police man in the middle but he just pointed the entrance . After asking many times with no proper answer , I came across that the lady checking my ticket at the entrance spoke some English and could understand me and clarify me a few things . I finally got a locker . Feeling light , I could walk around the lake and the islands in the middle of the lake and enjoy my day until my train was due . I even walked around college and once back to the station , the mess started again because I took the Southern entrance and I couldn 't find the way to the North area where the lockers where . I asked so many people in the station . In addition , I suspected something was wrong with my ticket because the lady checking tickets at the entrance had said something to me 3 times and pointed repeated times to some words in my ticket that were in Chinese so I was not understanding anything . After a while I gave up and exited the station to go around it and enter by the North Entrance . By the notice at the walls with the trains , I could see how this was also the entrance for my train , because before in the other entrance it was listed but instead of a platform assigned to it , there were two Chinese characters . Just on time , I could fetch my bag and then find my train , where I would sleep for the night , just like the old times . I was exhausted after so many early mornings , so much walking and rushing up for the last hour with all the stress of not understanding anyone . It seemed like it was going to be a good sleep . |
The Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela is a centuries old trek across northern Spain done by following " The Camino de Santiago " , the road to Santiago . Before February of 2001 I had not heard of " The Camino " nor of the Pilgrimage . By the end of October of that year I was in Santiago after completing the walk myself . I thought that when I reached Santiago my journey was over but I see now that my journey started way before I got to Spain and still has not ended . - Dream Baby recorded by Roy OrbisonI was at a drive - in Psychic in Denver . The small building was set in the green space across from that big brown apartment building on South Marion Parkway just north of Washington Park . The psychic told me I was heart sad . I felt very sad after he told me this and walked away . Then I walked back and asked him if that was the same as being soul sad . There was another psychic sitting right next to him and the two men exchanged glances and smiled . They smiled in that way adults do when children talk about something they really don 't know anything about . The first psychic turned to me and told me that no one can be soul sad . The second psychic said , " But when they are , they are evil . " Then I woke up . UPDATE : Funny , I did not think of this as a sad dream . I was sad after I was told I was heart sad because I knew this was true . I was a little chagrined by the fact that my broken heart could be so easily seen . After thinking about this dream some more I now realize I went back to ask if someone could be soul sad because my feeling of heart sadness was so profound . This deep of a hurt could not just be the heart breaking - it must be the soul breaking . I now see that the men could have been amused by my question just because I asked it . When the first man said no one could be soul sad I think he meant I could never be soul sad because I did not have a broken soul . The second man 's answer makes me think that those who we consider to be evil people do evil things because their souls are broken . My soul is not broken therefore I could never be evil . ( That last thought is either the thought of a lapsed Catholic worrying about her soul or the thought of the next Jim Jones . ) Life is a gift , and I try to respond with grace and courtesy . - Maya AngelouI heard a small portion of this on the news last week . It is Craig Ferguson talking about his alcohol addiction and Britney Spears on his program The Late Late Show . ( I found out this was on YouTube through rashundatramble . com ) Question : Why is it no matter how hard they try Hollywood can not stay away from tacky ? All in all the Oscars were pretty subdued this year with a bit of Cirque du Soleil influence in the pieces by Pilobolus Dance Theatre . Having them on stage during The Oscars was a visual example of the the phrase tragically hip . Note to Oscar people : Stop trying so hard . The whole thing was just too long . They could have shortened the broadcast just by having the presenters not take that long walk from the back of the stage to the " this is where I will talk " spot . And why must we hear every word of the nominated songs ? We only hear small snatches from the Best Soundtrack nominees , why not the songs too ? It 's not like any of them are ever that good . I did enjoy Ellen DeGeneres ' whimsical sense of humor . I did enjoy the the various montages . I was happy when Martin Scorsese , Helen Mirren , Jennifer Hudson , and Forest Whitaker won their Oscars . I was very happy when the whole thing was finally over almost an hour past the scheduled ending time . Update : For an almost minute by minute breakdown of this year 's Oscar broadcast go here . Modem , totem , scrotum . Which one of these words must parents , teachers , and librarians be protected from ever having to explain the meaning of to children ? Yep , scrotum . A new children 's book , The Higher Power of Lucky , is so offensive to certain parents , teachers , and librarians it has been banned from some school libraries . The Power Of Lucky is a Newbery Medal winner about the problems of a ten year old girl named Lucky living in a small town in California . The book begins with her overhearing a conversation where she learns about a dog that was bit in the scrotum by a rattlesnake . That this book has been banned is some quarters in not that surprising to me . Our country prides itself on the personal freedoms enjoyed by its citizens but the truth is most people want to define just what those freedoms are and then force their belief on others . What I have never understood is this need to control what other people 's children read . Growing up my mother let me and my siblings read whatever we wanted ; children 's books , comic books , movie magazines , newspapers , and " grownup books . " Her view was that our reading anything was good . If we were reading something above our age level of understanding then what was over ours heads could not hurt us . " Protecting " children from disturbing books ( disturbing for the grownups that is ) has been going on for years . A list of banned children 's books can be found here . Soaring high in the sky . . . - AstroboyI woke up in the wee hours of the morning . You know , that time of day when a soft blanket of stillness and quiet muffles all sound . I was in bed lying on my left side with my knees slightly drawn up to my belly but at the same time a part of me was standing above my body just behind my back . As I lay there I realized that the me lying on the bed had no weight and could not feel the mattress underneath her . Before my mind had a chance to absorb what was happening I felt the standing me spin and drop . It was the same feeling I got as a kid whenever I lost my balance while sitting in a chair tipped onto its back legs . That body falling backward feeling and then dizziness as I tried to recover my balance . In a split - second the standing me was gone and the me lying on the bed felt heavy as the weight of my body pushed against the mattress . It was like being on a fast moving down elevator right at the moment it stops moving . Your body feels like it is sinking as the full effect of gravity hits it . I could feel where my right ankle , left elbow and hip pressed against the sheet underneath me . I thought , " That was strange , " and fell back to sleep . 1 . Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public . - H . L . Mencken2 . Rumors is : the title of the best selling , Grammy Award wining , 19x Platinum Record wining album by the music group Fleetwood Mac . 3 . Rumors are : A statement or opinion widely circulated from person to person , though unconfirmed by facts or evidence . 4 . The reason Britney Spears shaved her head was because Anna Nicole Smith in death was getting more media coverage than she , Britney Spears , was getting in life . 5 . The reason British Prime Minister Tony Blair is pulling British troops out of Iraq is to keep Prince Harry from going there himself . 6 . The reason wackjob Judge Larry Seidlin , presiding over the Anna Nicole Smith who gets custody of her baby and body hearing , is acting so bizarrely is because he wants his own courtroom TV show . 7 . The reason any of this crap is even considered news is because the majority of the people in our society are mindless morons . Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom , not a guide by which to live . - Robert F . KennedyOn December 14 , 1961 a fast moving train slammed into a school bus just outside of Greeley , Colorado . Thirty - six children were on board . After the impact ripped the back of the bus from the rest of the frame 16 children , along with the driver , were still alive . Who lived and who died seemed random . One girl sitting between two other girls lived while her friends died . One child switched seat with her brother minutes before the crash ; she lived , he died . Two families lost all their children . One family lost one child and had another injured . One family lost two children while another one was injured . One little girl wanted to stay home so she could visit her father in the hospital ; she died in the crash . Other children who normally rode the bus were not on it that day . Two because they overslept ( sisters ) , one because of illness , and another because he wanted to get to school a little early that day and had caught a ride with his older brother . I was ten years old when this happen and do not remember hearing anything about it . Two and a half years later it was the main focus of my life . That was the summer my brother , sisters , and I spent in foster care . I always thought we had spent the entire summer in that place and was surprised to find out years later it was only two weeks . However long we were there it was enough to . . . I wanted to write " change our lives " but that is not correct . What it changed was us . Before we went in my brother was best friends with another boy who came over to see us when we got back home . I remember standing in the backyard with my brother staring at this poor boy as he talked to us and thinking what an immature jerk he was . My brother must have been thinking the same thing because as the boy kept talking he , the boy , started getting nervous . He was getting no reaction from us . We stood there , stone face , waiting for him to stop talking . When he did stop we had nothing to say to him . He quicklPosted by I love to travel but it really kicks my butt after I get back home . This morning I got up around 9 : 00 AM which is about 2 1 / 2 hours later than normal . Another reason for my sleepiness could be the weather . Yesterday when I woke - up the temperature was - 4F / - 20C and the day never got warmer than 12F / - 11C . This morning the temperature was 33F / 0 . 5C and right now it is 44F / 6 . 6C and raining . I just got back from the grocery store and it is weird to walk through 2 feet of snow while being rained on . Anyway , I plan to catch - up on everyone 's blog this weekend and will see you all on Monday . Have a good weekend . Oh , FYI , this , is my favorite comic strip right now . And this , my favorite editorial cartoon ; Mike Luckovich , February 16 , 2007 . The downside of 24 hour news programing . Not this Vegas . The one in New Mexico . We stopped there on our way to Albuquerque last Thursday . I am sure you figured out by now I was away from home for the last ten days . Anyway , we stopped there because we needed a map of Albuquerque and saw a sign on the Interstate that said there was a Tourist Information Center in the town . When we got there we found out it was housed in the old train depot right next to a dilapidated old railroad hotel . As I pulled the car into a parking space that faced the south side of the hotel I glanced up at one of the windows on the second floor and got the impression that a woman was standing there looking down at me . I turned my attention back to my driving and after I stopped the car and put it in park I looked up at the window again . I could not see anyone but I still had the feeling someone was watching me . I kept looking at the window as I climbed out of the car and turned to ask my husband if he could see anyone but he was all ready out of the car and halfway to the depot building . I followed him . As I walked across the lot I still felt I was being watched and so I kept turning to look up at the window where I saw the woman until I reached the door to the depot . I found the whole thing confusing because I knew enough railroad history to know that most guests were men in these old hotels . I could not imagine why I was seeing the ghost of a woman . When I got inside tourist office I found out the hotel had been a Harvey House . Fred Harvey opened his first Harvey House in 1875 . Harvey had worked in restaurants as a young man and then spent the next 30 years working for railroad companies . One thing Harvey hated about rail travel ( this was before dinning cars were invented ) was the food served in road houses at rail stops . These " restaurants " were filthy , served over priced badly prepared food and provided terrible service . Road houses were also so chaotic that most of the time the majority of the people waiting to be served did not get any food before the " train leaving " whistle Posted by misty water - colored memories - Barbra StreisandI went to Target the last time I was in Denver and had something interesting happen . I was in the DVD section and fell into a conversation with the man standing next to me . You know how you sometimes make an instant connection with someone you have never met before ? It can be so intense that you remember them the rest of your life . I have had that happen a couple of time in my life that I can remember ; there was a cab driver in New York and , another time , my sister 's neighbor 's aunt . I can 't explain what it is like , you have either had it happen or you haven 't . Well , I felt the same thing with this man . We stood there talking about movies and the next thing I knew he was telling me how he had a stroke eight months before and that he spent that time period after it re - learning how to walk and talk . I remarked that he was doing very well for someone who had a stroke only eight months earlier . He said he thought so too but one after - effect of the stroke was the fact that he had lost his short term memory . I thought about this for a few seconds and then asked him if he would remember our conversation . He hesitated and then said , " Probably not . " That made me feel sad because I knew he had felt the instant connection and in a short time he would not remember it or me . I didn 't want him to forget so instead of smiling politely and saying good - bye I put out my hand and he instinctively took it . Trying to put as much energy and feeling as I could into the handshake I warmly told him what a pleasure it was to meet him . Then I said good - bye and walked away . Sometimes the body remembers when the brain does not . Maybe , by me touching him , deep in his being he will remember the connection we had . No one wants to be forgotten . In the room sat the father , the mother , and little Marline , at dinner ; and the father said , " Oh dear , how light and happy I feel ! " " Nay , " said the mother , " I am all of a tremble , just as if there were going to be a heavy thunderstorm . " But little Marline sat and cried and cried , and the bird came flying , and as he perched on the roof , the father said , " I feel so lively , and the sun shines so deliciously outside , it 's exactly as if I were going to see some old acquaintance again . " " Nay , " said the wife , " I am so frightened , my teeth chatter and it 's like fire in my veins ; " and she tore open her stays ; but little Marline sat in a corner and cried , and held her plate before her eyes and cried it quite wet . Then the bird perched on the juniper tree , and sang - - My mother killed me ; Then the mother held her ears and shut her eyes , and would neither see nor hear ; but it rumbled in her ears like the most terrible storm , and her eyes burned and twittered like lightning . My father grieved for me ; " Oh , mother , " said the man , " there is a beautiful bird that sings so splendidly ; the sun shines so warm , and everything smells all like cinnamon . " My sister , little Marline , Then Marline laid her head on her knees and cried away ; but the man said , " I shall go out , I must see the bird close . " " Oh ! do not go , " said the woman ; " it seems as if the whole house shook and were on fire . " But the man went out and looked at the bird . Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . And the bird let the gold chain fall , and it fell just round the man 's neck , and fitted beautifully . Then he went in and said , " See what an excellent bird it is ; it has given me such a beautiful gold chain , and it looks so splendid . " But the woman was so frightened , that she fell her whole length on the floor , and her cap tumbled off her head . Then the bird sang again - - My mother killed me ; " Oh ! that I were a thousand fathoms under the earth , not to hear that ! " My father grieved for me ; Then the woman fainted . My sister , little Marline , " Ah , " said MarlinePosted by And when he had done singing he flew away . The chain he had in the right claw , and the shoes in the left claw ; and he flew far away to a mill ; and the mill went clipp - clapp , clipp - clapp . And in the mill there sat twenty miller 's men ; they were shaping a stone , and chipped away hick - hack , hick - hack , hick - hack ; and the mill went clipp - clapp , clipp - clapp , clipp - clapp . Then the bird flew and sat on a lime tree that stood before the mill , and sang - My mother killed me . then one left off ; My father grieved for me ; then two more left off and heard it ; My sister , then again four left off ; little Marline , now there were only eight chipping away ; Wept under now only five ; the juniper tree ; now only one ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . Then the last left off , when he heard the last word . " Bird , " said he , " how beautifully you sing ! let me too hear that ; sing me that again . " Nay , " said the bird ( third time ) , " I don 't sing twice for nothing . Give me the millstone , and I will sing it again . " " Ay , " said he , " if it belonged to me alone , you should have it . " " Yes , " said the others , " if he sings again he shall have it . " Then the bird came down and all the twenty millers caught hold of a pole , and raised the stone up , hu , uh , upp , hu , uh , upp , hu , uh , upp ! And the bird stuck his head through the hole , and took it round his neck like a collar , and flew back to the tree and sang - - My mother killed me ; My father grieved for me ; My sister , little Marline , Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . And when he had done singing he spread his wings , and had in his right claw , the gold chain , in his left the shoes , and round his neck the millstone , and he flew far away , to his father 's house . The bird flew away and perched upon a Goldsmith 's house , and began to sing - - My mother killed me ; My father grieved for me ; My sister , little Marline , Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . The Goldsmith sat in his workshop , and was making a gold chain , when he heard the bird that sat upon his roof and sang ; and it seemed to him so beautiful . Then he got up , and as he stepped over the sill of the door he lost one of his slippers ; but he went straight up the middle of the street with one slipper and one sock on . He had his leather apron on , and in the one hand he had the gold chain and in the other the pincers , and the sun shone brightly up the street . He went and stood and looked at the bird . " Bird , " said he then , " how beautifully you can sing . Sing me that song again . " " Nay , " said the bird , " I don 't sing twice for nothing . Give me the gold chain and I will sing it you again . " " There , " said the Goldsmith , " take the gold chain ; now sing me that again . " Then the bird came and took the gold chain in the right claw , and sat before the Goldsmith , and sang - - My mother killed me ; My father grieved for me ; My sister , little Marline , Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . The Shoemaker heard it , and ran outside the door in his shirt sleeves and looked up at the roof , and was obliged to hold his hands before his eyes to prevent the sun from blinding him . " Bird , " said he , " how beautiful you can sing . " Then he called in at the door , " Wife , come out , here 's a bird ; look at the bird ; he just can sing beautifully . " Then he called his daughter , and children , and apprentices , servant boy , and maid ; and they all came up the street , and looked at the bird ; oh ! how beautiful he was , and he had such red and green feathers , and round about the throat was all like gold , and the eyes sparkled in his head like stars . " Bird , " said the Shoemaker , " now sing me that piece again . " " Nay , " said the bird , " I don 't sing twice for nothing ; you must make me a present of something . " " Wife , " saidPosted by Then the mother took the little boy and put him into a box and put it under the almond tree : but little Marline stood by , and cried and cried , and the tears all fell into the box . Soon the father came home , and sat down to table , and said , " Where is my son ? " Then the mother brought in a great big dish of stew : and little Marline cried , and could not leave off . Then the father said again , " Where is my son ? " " Oh , " said the mother , " he had gone across the country to Mutten ; he is going to stop there a bit . " " What is he doing there ? and why did he not say good - bye to me ? " " Oh , he wanted to go , and asked me if he might stop there six weeks ; he will be taken care of there . " " Ahh , " said the man , " I feel very dull ; that was not right ; he ought to have wished me good - bye . " With that he began to eat , and said to Marline , " What are you crying for ? your brother will soon come back . " " Oh , wife , " said he then , " how delicious this tastes ; give me some more ! " And he ate till all the broth was done . Little Marline went to her box , and took from the bottom drawer her best silk handkerchief , and carried it outside the door , and cried bitter tears . Then she laid herself under the juniper tree on the green grass ; and when she had laid herself there , all at once she felt quite light and happy , and cried no more . Then the juniper tree began to move , and the boughs spread out quite wide , and then went back again ; just as when one is very much pleased , and claps with the hands . At the same time a sort of mist rose from the tree ; in the middle of the mist it burned like a fire ; and out of the fire there flew a beautiful bird , that sang very sweetly and flew high up in the air ; and when it had flown away , the juniper tree was as it had been before . Then little Marline was as light and happy as if her brother were alive still ; and went into the house to dinner . With the second wife he had a daughter ; but the child by the first wife was a little son , and was as red as blood and as white as snow . When the woman looked at her daughter , she loved her so much ; but then she looked at the little boy , and it seemed to go right through her heart ; and it seemed as if he always stood in her way , and then she was always thinking how she could get all the fortune for her daughter ; and it was the Evil One who suggested it to her , so that she couldn 't bear the sight of the little boy , and poked him about from one corner to another , and buffeted him here , and cuffed him there , so that the poor child was always in fear ; and when he came from school he had no peace . Once the woman had gone into the store - room and the little daughter came up and said , " Mother , give me an apple . " " Yes , my child , " said the woman , and gave her a beautiful apple out of the box : the box had a great heavy lid , with a great sharp iron lock . " Mother , " said the little daughter , " shall not brother have one too ? " That annoyed the woman , but she said , " Yes , when he comes home from school . " And as she saw out the window that he was coming , it was just as if the Evil One came over her , and she snatched the apple away from her daughter again , and said , " You shall not have one before your brother . " She threw the apple into the box and the Evil One made her say , in a friendly manner , " My son , will you have an apple ? " and she looked at him wickedly . " Mother , " said the little boy , " how horribly you look ; yes , give me an apple . " Then she thought she must pacify him . " Come with me , " she said , and opened the lid ; " Reach out an apple , " and as the little boy bent into the box , the Evil One whispered to her - - bang ! she slammed the lid to , so that his head flew off and fell amongst the red apples . Then in her fright she thought , " Could I get that off my mind ! " Then she went up into her room to the chest of drawers , and got out a white cloth from the top drawer , and she from the top drawer , and she set the head on the throat again , aPosted by - Anonymous , from Grimm 's Fairy Tales ( 1912 ) It is now long ago , perhaps two thousand years , there was a rich man who had a beautiful and pious wife ; and they were very fond of one another , but had no children . Still they wished for some very much , and the wife prayed for them day and night ; still they had none . Before their house was a yard ; in it stood a juniper tree , under which the woman stood once in the winter peeling an apple ; and as she peeled the apple she cut her finger , and the blood dropped on the snow . " Ah ! " said the woman , with a deep sigh , and she looked at the blood before her , and was very sad , " had I but a child as red as blood and as white as snow ; " and as she said that she felt quite lively ; and it seemed quite as if something would come of it . Then she went into the house ; and a month passed , the snow disappeared ; and two months , then all was green ; and three months , then came the flowers out of the ground ; and four months , then all the trees in the wood squeezed up against one another , and the green boughs all grew twisted together , and the little birds sang , so that the whole wood resounded , and the blossoms fell from the trees ; then the fifth month had gone , and she stood under the juniper tree , it smelt so sweet , than her heart leaped for joy , and she couldn 't help falling down on her knees ; and when the sixth month had passed , the fruits were large , and she was quite pleased ; and the seventh month , then she snatched the berries and ate them so greedily that she was dreadfully ill ; then went the eight month , and she called her husband and cried , and said , " If I die bury me under the juniper tree ; " then she was quite easy , and was glad , till the next month was gone : then she had a child as white as snow and as red as blood ; and when she saw it she was so delighted that she died . Then her husband buried her under the juniper tree , and began to cry most violently ; a little time , and he was easier ; and when he had cried a bit more , he left off ; and a little time longer , and he took another wifePosted by And another Super Bowl in the books . This year I was not emotionally invested in the game . I think I have reached football burn out . The football season starts in August ( pregames ) , goes though September to November ( " real " games ) , enters the playoff games in December , and winds - up at the beginning of February with the Super Bowl . By that point I no longer cared . The game did start off thrillingly with Chicago running the ball back 92 yards for a touchdown on the opening play . It stayed exciting only because the game was being played in a pouring rainstorm . Lots of fumbles causing the ball to exchange hands multiple times . As game progressed the Bears ( Chicago ) got worse and worse and the Colts ( Indianapolis ) got better and better ending with the Colts winning . The Colts win must have been bittersweet for their coach Tony Dungy after the death of his son last year . He had a big smile on his face but I could not help thinking about his son and wondering what was going through the man 's mind . As usually the Super Bowl was surrounded by lots of hype with the commercials being talked about long before the players even reached Miami . And that is all it turned out to be , hype , not one of the commercials really grabbed me . None ever came close to the Apple 1984 commercial from Super Bowl XVIII . Then there was the half - time show , which each year get bigger and bigger . This year the musical act was Prince , the little man with the big talent . At one point he sang , appropriately , Purple Rain . For me that was the best part of the televised game . I don 't know people , I think the Super Bowl has turned into Ikea furniture . Looks good on the surface but underneath it is just particle board . The best part of the Super Bowl for me in general has always been hanging out with a bunch of people I enjoy being around . That means this year 's Super Bowl , like almost all of them , was great . ( Oh , if you haven 't heard yet , some people want to make the day after Super Bowl an official holiday like New Year 's Day . ) Winter slumbering in the open air , Wears on his smiling face a dream of Spring ! - Work Without Hope , Samuel Taylor Coleridge ( 1772 - 1834 ) Okay , campers , rise and shine , and don 't forget your booties ' cause it 's cooooold out there today . - Groundhog Day ( 1993 ) Yep , it 's Groundhog Day , which means I will be in front of the TV this afternoon watching Bill Murray and Punxsutawney Phil in the above movie . And , FYI , Phil did not see his shadow this year and that means Phil is predicting an early spring . If only ; from Phil 's lips to God 's ear . ( You can read Phil 's official proclamation here . ) You can 't ignore politics , no matter how much you 'd like to . ( Dallas Morning News / Ryan Donnel ) Reporter and political columnist Molly Ivins died yesterday of breast cancer at the age of sixty - two . Molly 's stuff was good , and wickedly funny , and insightful , and , at all times , passionate . Her coverage of George W . Bush was aided by the fact that she went to high school with him . She had covered his political career from the beginning and is the one who came up with " Shrub " and " Dubba " as nicknames for the man . Some " Molly Quotes " about Bush : - If you think his daddy had trouble with " the vision thing , " wait till you meet this one . - Everyone knows the man has no clue , but no one there has the courage to say it . I mean , good gawd , the man is as he always has been : barely adequate . - Let me say for the umpteenth time , George W . is not a stupid man . The IQ of his gut , however , is open to debate . In Texas , his gut led him to believe the death penalty has a deterrent effect , even though he acknowledged there was no evidence to support his gut 's feeling . When his gut , or something , causes him to announce that he does not believe in global warming - - as though it were a theological proposition - - we once again find his gut ruling that evidence is irrelevant . In my opinion , Bush 's gut should not be entrusted with making peace in the Middle East . - Last week , I began a sentence by saying , " If Bush had any imagination . . . " and then I hit myself . Silly me . - If , at the end of this short book , you find W . Bush 's political resume a little light , don 't blame us . There 's really not much there . We have been looking for six years . - The poor man who is currently our president has reached such a point of befuddlement that he thinks stem cell research is the same as taking human lives , but that 40 , 000 dead Iraqi civilians are progress toward democracy . - Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States , please pay attention . Molly was always warning her readers about the consequences of turning complete authorityPosted by |
The Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela is a centuries old trek across northern Spain done by following " The Camino de Santiago " , the road to Santiago . Before February of 2001 I had not heard of " The Camino " nor of the Pilgrimage . By the end of October of that year I was in Santiago after completing the walk myself . I thought that when I reached Santiago my journey was over but I see now that my journey started way before I got to Spain and still has not ended . - Dream Baby recorded by Roy OrbisonI was at a drive - in Psychic in Denver . The small building was set in the green space across from that big brown apartment building on South Marion Parkway just north of Washington Park . The psychic told me I was heart sad . I felt very sad after he told me this and walked away . Then I walked back and asked him if that was the same as being soul sad . There was another psychic sitting right next to him and the two men exchanged glances and smiled . They smiled in that way adults do when children talk about something they really don 't know anything about . The first psychic turned to me and told me that no one can be soul sad . The second psychic said , " But when they are , they are evil . " Then I woke up . UPDATE : Funny , I did not think of this as a sad dream . I was sad after I was told I was heart sad because I knew this was true . I was a little chagrined by the fact that my broken heart could be so easily seen . After thinking about this dream some more I now realize I went back to ask if someone could be soul sad because my feeling of heart sadness was so profound . This deep of a hurt could not just be the heart breaking - it must be the soul breaking . I now see that the men could have been amused by my question just because I asked it . When the first man said no one could be soul sad I think he meant I could never be soul sad because I did not have a broken soul . The second man 's answer makes me think that those who we consider to be evil people do evil things because their souls are broken . My soul is not broken therefore I could never be evil . ( That last thought is either the thought of a lapsed Catholic worrying about her soul or the thought of the next Jim Jones . ) Life is a gift , and I try to respond with grace and courtesy . - Maya AngelouI heard a small portion of this on the news last week . It is Craig Ferguson talking about his alcohol addiction and Britney Spears on his program The Late Late Show . ( I found out this was on YouTube through rashundatramble . com ) Question : Why is it no matter how hard they try Hollywood can not stay away from tacky ? All in all the Oscars were pretty subdued this year with a bit of Cirque du Soleil influence in the pieces by Pilobolus Dance Theatre . Having them on stage during The Oscars was a visual example of the the phrase tragically hip . Note to Oscar people : Stop trying so hard . The whole thing was just too long . They could have shortened the broadcast just by having the presenters not take that long walk from the back of the stage to the " this is where I will talk " spot . And why must we hear every word of the nominated songs ? We only hear small snatches from the Best Soundtrack nominees , why not the songs too ? It 's not like any of them are ever that good . I did enjoy Ellen DeGeneres ' whimsical sense of humor . I did enjoy the the various montages . I was happy when Martin Scorsese , Helen Mirren , Jennifer Hudson , and Forest Whitaker won their Oscars . I was very happy when the whole thing was finally over almost an hour past the scheduled ending time . Update : For an almost minute by minute breakdown of this year 's Oscar broadcast go here . Modem , totem , scrotum . Which one of these words must parents , teachers , and librarians be protected from ever having to explain the meaning of to children ? Yep , scrotum . A new children 's book , The Higher Power of Lucky , is so offensive to certain parents , teachers , and librarians it has been banned from some school libraries . The Power Of Lucky is a Newbery Medal winner about the problems of a ten year old girl named Lucky living in a small town in California . The book begins with her overhearing a conversation where she learns about a dog that was bit in the scrotum by a rattlesnake . That this book has been banned is some quarters in not that surprising to me . Our country prides itself on the personal freedoms enjoyed by its citizens but the truth is most people want to define just what those freedoms are and then force their belief on others . What I have never understood is this need to control what other people 's children read . Growing up my mother let me and my siblings read whatever we wanted ; children 's books , comic books , movie magazines , newspapers , and " grownup books . " Her view was that our reading anything was good . If we were reading something above our age level of understanding then what was over ours heads could not hurt us . " Protecting " children from disturbing books ( disturbing for the grownups that is ) has been going on for years . A list of banned children 's books can be found here . Soaring high in the sky . . . - AstroboyI woke up in the wee hours of the morning . You know , that time of day when a soft blanket of stillness and quiet muffles all sound . I was in bed lying on my left side with my knees slightly drawn up to my belly but at the same time a part of me was standing above my body just behind my back . As I lay there I realized that the me lying on the bed had no weight and could not feel the mattress underneath her . Before my mind had a chance to absorb what was happening I felt the standing me spin and drop . It was the same feeling I got as a kid whenever I lost my balance while sitting in a chair tipped onto its back legs . That body falling backward feeling and then dizziness as I tried to recover my balance . In a split - second the standing me was gone and the me lying on the bed felt heavy as the weight of my body pushed against the mattress . It was like being on a fast moving down elevator right at the moment it stops moving . Your body feels like it is sinking as the full effect of gravity hits it . I could feel where my right ankle , left elbow and hip pressed against the sheet underneath me . I thought , " That was strange , " and fell back to sleep . 1 . Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public . - H . L . Mencken2 . Rumors is : the title of the best selling , Grammy Award wining , 19x Platinum Record wining album by the music group Fleetwood Mac . 3 . Rumors are : A statement or opinion widely circulated from person to person , though unconfirmed by facts or evidence . 4 . The reason Britney Spears shaved her head was because Anna Nicole Smith in death was getting more media coverage than she , Britney Spears , was getting in life . 5 . The reason British Prime Minister Tony Blair is pulling British troops out of Iraq is to keep Prince Harry from going there himself . 6 . The reason wackjob Judge Larry Seidlin , presiding over the Anna Nicole Smith who gets custody of her baby and body hearing , is acting so bizarrely is because he wants his own courtroom TV show . 7 . The reason any of this crap is even considered news is because the majority of the people in our society are mindless morons . Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom , not a guide by which to live . - Robert F . KennedyOn December 14 , 1961 a fast moving train slammed into a school bus just outside of Greeley , Colorado . Thirty - six children were on board . After the impact ripped the back of the bus from the rest of the frame 16 children , along with the driver , were still alive . Who lived and who died seemed random . One girl sitting between two other girls lived while her friends died . One child switched seat with her brother minutes before the crash ; she lived , he died . Two families lost all their children . One family lost one child and had another injured . One family lost two children while another one was injured . One little girl wanted to stay home so she could visit her father in the hospital ; she died in the crash . Other children who normally rode the bus were not on it that day . Two because they overslept ( sisters ) , one because of illness , and another because he wanted to get to school a little early that day and had caught a ride with his older brother . I was ten years old when this happen and do not remember hearing anything about it . Two and a half years later it was the main focus of my life . That was the summer my brother , sisters , and I spent in foster care . I always thought we had spent the entire summer in that place and was surprised to find out years later it was only two weeks . However long we were there it was enough to . . . I wanted to write " change our lives " but that is not correct . What it changed was us . Before we went in my brother was best friends with another boy who came over to see us when we got back home . I remember standing in the backyard with my brother staring at this poor boy as he talked to us and thinking what an immature jerk he was . My brother must have been thinking the same thing because as the boy kept talking he , the boy , started getting nervous . He was getting no reaction from us . We stood there , stone face , waiting for him to stop talking . When he did stop we had nothing to say to him . He quicklPosted by I love to travel but it really kicks my butt after I get back home . This morning I got up around 9 : 00 AM which is about 2 1 / 2 hours later than normal . Another reason for my sleepiness could be the weather . Yesterday when I woke - up the temperature was - 4F / - 20C and the day never got warmer than 12F / - 11C . This morning the temperature was 33F / 0 . 5C and right now it is 44F / 6 . 6C and raining . I just got back from the grocery store and it is weird to walk through 2 feet of snow while being rained on . Anyway , I plan to catch - up on everyone 's blog this weekend and will see you all on Monday . Have a good weekend . Oh , FYI , this , is my favorite comic strip right now . And this , my favorite editorial cartoon ; Mike Luckovich , February 16 , 2007 . The downside of 24 hour news programing . Not this Vegas . The one in New Mexico . We stopped there on our way to Albuquerque last Thursday . I am sure you figured out by now I was away from home for the last ten days . Anyway , we stopped there because we needed a map of Albuquerque and saw a sign on the Interstate that said there was a Tourist Information Center in the town . When we got there we found out it was housed in the old train depot right next to a dilapidated old railroad hotel . As I pulled the car into a parking space that faced the south side of the hotel I glanced up at one of the windows on the second floor and got the impression that a woman was standing there looking down at me . I turned my attention back to my driving and after I stopped the car and put it in park I looked up at the window again . I could not see anyone but I still had the feeling someone was watching me . I kept looking at the window as I climbed out of the car and turned to ask my husband if he could see anyone but he was all ready out of the car and halfway to the depot building . I followed him . As I walked across the lot I still felt I was being watched and so I kept turning to look up at the window where I saw the woman until I reached the door to the depot . I found the whole thing confusing because I knew enough railroad history to know that most guests were men in these old hotels . I could not imagine why I was seeing the ghost of a woman . When I got inside tourist office I found out the hotel had been a Harvey House . Fred Harvey opened his first Harvey House in 1875 . Harvey had worked in restaurants as a young man and then spent the next 30 years working for railroad companies . One thing Harvey hated about rail travel ( this was before dinning cars were invented ) was the food served in road houses at rail stops . These " restaurants " were filthy , served over priced badly prepared food and provided terrible service . Road houses were also so chaotic that most of the time the majority of the people waiting to be served did not get any food before the " train leaving " whistle Posted by misty water - colored memories - Barbra StreisandI went to Target the last time I was in Denver and had something interesting happen . I was in the DVD section and fell into a conversation with the man standing next to me . You know how you sometimes make an instant connection with someone you have never met before ? It can be so intense that you remember them the rest of your life . I have had that happen a couple of time in my life that I can remember ; there was a cab driver in New York and , another time , my sister 's neighbor 's aunt . I can 't explain what it is like , you have either had it happen or you haven 't . Well , I felt the same thing with this man . We stood there talking about movies and the next thing I knew he was telling me how he had a stroke eight months before and that he spent that time period after it re - learning how to walk and talk . I remarked that he was doing very well for someone who had a stroke only eight months earlier . He said he thought so too but one after - effect of the stroke was the fact that he had lost his short term memory . I thought about this for a few seconds and then asked him if he would remember our conversation . He hesitated and then said , " Probably not . " That made me feel sad because I knew he had felt the instant connection and in a short time he would not remember it or me . I didn 't want him to forget so instead of smiling politely and saying good - bye I put out my hand and he instinctively took it . Trying to put as much energy and feeling as I could into the handshake I warmly told him what a pleasure it was to meet him . Then I said good - bye and walked away . Sometimes the body remembers when the brain does not . Maybe , by me touching him , deep in his being he will remember the connection we had . No one wants to be forgotten . In the room sat the father , the mother , and little Marline , at dinner ; and the father said , " Oh dear , how light and happy I feel ! " " Nay , " said the mother , " I am all of a tremble , just as if there were going to be a heavy thunderstorm . " But little Marline sat and cried and cried , and the bird came flying , and as he perched on the roof , the father said , " I feel so lively , and the sun shines so deliciously outside , it 's exactly as if I were going to see some old acquaintance again . " " Nay , " said the wife , " I am so frightened , my teeth chatter and it 's like fire in my veins ; " and she tore open her stays ; but little Marline sat in a corner and cried , and held her plate before her eyes and cried it quite wet . Then the bird perched on the juniper tree , and sang - - My mother killed me ; Then the mother held her ears and shut her eyes , and would neither see nor hear ; but it rumbled in her ears like the most terrible storm , and her eyes burned and twittered like lightning . My father grieved for me ; " Oh , mother , " said the man , " there is a beautiful bird that sings so splendidly ; the sun shines so warm , and everything smells all like cinnamon . " My sister , little Marline , Then Marline laid her head on her knees and cried away ; but the man said , " I shall go out , I must see the bird close . " " Oh ! do not go , " said the woman ; " it seems as if the whole house shook and were on fire . " But the man went out and looked at the bird . Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . And the bird let the gold chain fall , and it fell just round the man 's neck , and fitted beautifully . Then he went in and said , " See what an excellent bird it is ; it has given me such a beautiful gold chain , and it looks so splendid . " But the woman was so frightened , that she fell her whole length on the floor , and her cap tumbled off her head . Then the bird sang again - - My mother killed me ; " Oh ! that I were a thousand fathoms under the earth , not to hear that ! " My father grieved for me ; Then the woman fainted . My sister , little Marline , " Ah , " said MarlinePosted by And when he had done singing he flew away . The chain he had in the right claw , and the shoes in the left claw ; and he flew far away to a mill ; and the mill went clipp - clapp , clipp - clapp . And in the mill there sat twenty miller 's men ; they were shaping a stone , and chipped away hick - hack , hick - hack , hick - hack ; and the mill went clipp - clapp , clipp - clapp , clipp - clapp . Then the bird flew and sat on a lime tree that stood before the mill , and sang - My mother killed me . then one left off ; My father grieved for me ; then two more left off and heard it ; My sister , then again four left off ; little Marline , now there were only eight chipping away ; Wept under now only five ; the juniper tree ; now only one ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . Then the last left off , when he heard the last word . " Bird , " said he , " how beautifully you sing ! let me too hear that ; sing me that again . " Nay , " said the bird ( third time ) , " I don 't sing twice for nothing . Give me the millstone , and I will sing it again . " " Ay , " said he , " if it belonged to me alone , you should have it . " " Yes , " said the others , " if he sings again he shall have it . " Then the bird came down and all the twenty millers caught hold of a pole , and raised the stone up , hu , uh , upp , hu , uh , upp , hu , uh , upp ! And the bird stuck his head through the hole , and took it round his neck like a collar , and flew back to the tree and sang - - My mother killed me ; My father grieved for me ; My sister , little Marline , Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . And when he had done singing he spread his wings , and had in his right claw , the gold chain , in his left the shoes , and round his neck the millstone , and he flew far away , to his father 's house . The bird flew away and perched upon a Goldsmith 's house , and began to sing - - My mother killed me ; My father grieved for me ; My sister , little Marline , Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . The Goldsmith sat in his workshop , and was making a gold chain , when he heard the bird that sat upon his roof and sang ; and it seemed to him so beautiful . Then he got up , and as he stepped over the sill of the door he lost one of his slippers ; but he went straight up the middle of the street with one slipper and one sock on . He had his leather apron on , and in the one hand he had the gold chain and in the other the pincers , and the sun shone brightly up the street . He went and stood and looked at the bird . " Bird , " said he then , " how beautifully you can sing . Sing me that song again . " " Nay , " said the bird , " I don 't sing twice for nothing . Give me the gold chain and I will sing it you again . " " There , " said the Goldsmith , " take the gold chain ; now sing me that again . " Then the bird came and took the gold chain in the right claw , and sat before the Goldsmith , and sang - - My mother killed me ; My father grieved for me ; My sister , little Marline , Wept under the juniper tree ; Kwitt , kywitt , what a beautiful bird am I . The Shoemaker heard it , and ran outside the door in his shirt sleeves and looked up at the roof , and was obliged to hold his hands before his eyes to prevent the sun from blinding him . " Bird , " said he , " how beautiful you can sing . " Then he called in at the door , " Wife , come out , here 's a bird ; look at the bird ; he just can sing beautifully . " Then he called his daughter , and children , and apprentices , servant boy , and maid ; and they all came up the street , and looked at the bird ; oh ! how beautiful he was , and he had such red and green feathers , and round about the throat was all like gold , and the eyes sparkled in his head like stars . " Bird , " said the Shoemaker , " now sing me that piece again . " " Nay , " said the bird , " I don 't sing twice for nothing ; you must make me a present of something . " " Wife , " saidPosted by Then the mother took the little boy and put him into a box and put it under the almond tree : but little Marline stood by , and cried and cried , and the tears all fell into the box . Soon the father came home , and sat down to table , and said , " Where is my son ? " Then the mother brought in a great big dish of stew : and little Marline cried , and could not leave off . Then the father said again , " Where is my son ? " " Oh , " said the mother , " he had gone across the country to Mutten ; he is going to stop there a bit . " " What is he doing there ? and why did he not say good - bye to me ? " " Oh , he wanted to go , and asked me if he might stop there six weeks ; he will be taken care of there . " " Ahh , " said the man , " I feel very dull ; that was not right ; he ought to have wished me good - bye . " With that he began to eat , and said to Marline , " What are you crying for ? your brother will soon come back . " " Oh , wife , " said he then , " how delicious this tastes ; give me some more ! " And he ate till all the broth was done . Little Marline went to her box , and took from the bottom drawer her best silk handkerchief , and carried it outside the door , and cried bitter tears . Then she laid herself under the juniper tree on the green grass ; and when she had laid herself there , all at once she felt quite light and happy , and cried no more . Then the juniper tree began to move , and the boughs spread out quite wide , and then went back again ; just as when one is very much pleased , and claps with the hands . At the same time a sort of mist rose from the tree ; in the middle of the mist it burned like a fire ; and out of the fire there flew a beautiful bird , that sang very sweetly and flew high up in the air ; and when it had flown away , the juniper tree was as it had been before . Then little Marline was as light and happy as if her brother were alive still ; and went into the house to dinner . With the second wife he had a daughter ; but the child by the first wife was a little son , and was as red as blood and as white as snow . When the woman looked at her daughter , she loved her so much ; but then she looked at the little boy , and it seemed to go right through her heart ; and it seemed as if he always stood in her way , and then she was always thinking how she could get all the fortune for her daughter ; and it was the Evil One who suggested it to her , so that she couldn 't bear the sight of the little boy , and poked him about from one corner to another , and buffeted him here , and cuffed him there , so that the poor child was always in fear ; and when he came from school he had no peace . Once the woman had gone into the store - room and the little daughter came up and said , " Mother , give me an apple . " " Yes , my child , " said the woman , and gave her a beautiful apple out of the box : the box had a great heavy lid , with a great sharp iron lock . " Mother , " said the little daughter , " shall not brother have one too ? " That annoyed the woman , but she said , " Yes , when he comes home from school . " And as she saw out the window that he was coming , it was just as if the Evil One came over her , and she snatched the apple away from her daughter again , and said , " You shall not have one before your brother . " She threw the apple into the box and the Evil One made her say , in a friendly manner , " My son , will you have an apple ? " and she looked at him wickedly . " Mother , " said the little boy , " how horribly you look ; yes , give me an apple . " Then she thought she must pacify him . " Come with me , " she said , and opened the lid ; " Reach out an apple , " and as the little boy bent into the box , the Evil One whispered to her - - bang ! she slammed the lid to , so that his head flew off and fell amongst the red apples . Then in her fright she thought , " Could I get that off my mind ! " Then she went up into her room to the chest of drawers , and got out a white cloth from the top drawer , and she from the top drawer , and she set the head on the throat again , aPosted by - Anonymous , from Grimm 's Fairy Tales ( 1912 ) It is now long ago , perhaps two thousand years , there was a rich man who had a beautiful and pious wife ; and they were very fond of one another , but had no children . Still they wished for some very much , and the wife prayed for them day and night ; still they had none . Before their house was a yard ; in it stood a juniper tree , under which the woman stood once in the winter peeling an apple ; and as she peeled the apple she cut her finger , and the blood dropped on the snow . " Ah ! " said the woman , with a deep sigh , and she looked at the blood before her , and was very sad , " had I but a child as red as blood and as white as snow ; " and as she said that she felt quite lively ; and it seemed quite as if something would come of it . Then she went into the house ; and a month passed , the snow disappeared ; and two months , then all was green ; and three months , then came the flowers out of the ground ; and four months , then all the trees in the wood squeezed up against one another , and the green boughs all grew twisted together , and the little birds sang , so that the whole wood resounded , and the blossoms fell from the trees ; then the fifth month had gone , and she stood under the juniper tree , it smelt so sweet , than her heart leaped for joy , and she couldn 't help falling down on her knees ; and when the sixth month had passed , the fruits were large , and she was quite pleased ; and the seventh month , then she snatched the berries and ate them so greedily that she was dreadfully ill ; then went the eight month , and she called her husband and cried , and said , " If I die bury me under the juniper tree ; " then she was quite easy , and was glad , till the next month was gone : then she had a child as white as snow and as red as blood ; and when she saw it she was so delighted that she died . Then her husband buried her under the juniper tree , and began to cry most violently ; a little time , and he was easier ; and when he had cried a bit more , he left off ; and a little time longer , and he took another wifePosted by And another Super Bowl in the books . This year I was not emotionally invested in the game . I think I have reached football burn out . The football season starts in August ( pregames ) , goes though September to November ( " real " games ) , enters the playoff games in December , and winds - up at the beginning of February with the Super Bowl . By that point I no longer cared . The game did start off thrillingly with Chicago running the ball back 92 yards for a touchdown on the opening play . It stayed exciting only because the game was being played in a pouring rainstorm . Lots of fumbles causing the ball to exchange hands multiple times . As game progressed the Bears ( Chicago ) got worse and worse and the Colts ( Indianapolis ) got better and better ending with the Colts winning . The Colts win must have been bittersweet for their coach Tony Dungy after the death of his son last year . He had a big smile on his face but I could not help thinking about his son and wondering what was going through the man 's mind . As usually the Super Bowl was surrounded by lots of hype with the commercials being talked about long before the players even reached Miami . And that is all it turned out to be , hype , not one of the commercials really grabbed me . None ever came close to the Apple 1984 commercial from Super Bowl XVIII . Then there was the half - time show , which each year get bigger and bigger . This year the musical act was Prince , the little man with the big talent . At one point he sang , appropriately , Purple Rain . For me that was the best part of the televised game . I don 't know people , I think the Super Bowl has turned into Ikea furniture . Looks good on the surface but underneath it is just particle board . The best part of the Super Bowl for me in general has always been hanging out with a bunch of people I enjoy being around . That means this year 's Super Bowl , like almost all of them , was great . ( Oh , if you haven 't heard yet , some people want to make the day after Super Bowl an official holiday like New Year 's Day . ) Winter slumbering in the open air , Wears on his smiling face a dream of Spring ! - Work Without Hope , Samuel Taylor Coleridge ( 1772 - 1834 ) Okay , campers , rise and shine , and don 't forget your booties ' cause it 's cooooold out there today . - Groundhog Day ( 1993 ) Yep , it 's Groundhog Day , which means I will be in front of the TV this afternoon watching Bill Murray and Punxsutawney Phil in the above movie . And , FYI , Phil did not see his shadow this year and that means Phil is predicting an early spring . If only ; from Phil 's lips to God 's ear . ( You can read Phil 's official proclamation here . ) You can 't ignore politics , no matter how much you 'd like to . ( Dallas Morning News / Ryan Donnel ) Reporter and political columnist Molly Ivins died yesterday of breast cancer at the age of sixty - two . Molly 's stuff was good , and wickedly funny , and insightful , and , at all times , passionate . Her coverage of George W . Bush was aided by the fact that she went to high school with him . She had covered his political career from the beginning and is the one who came up with " Shrub " and " Dubba " as nicknames for the man . Some " Molly Quotes " about Bush : - If you think his daddy had trouble with " the vision thing , " wait till you meet this one . - Everyone knows the man has no clue , but no one there has the courage to say it . I mean , good gawd , the man is as he always has been : barely adequate . - Let me say for the umpteenth time , George W . is not a stupid man . The IQ of his gut , however , is open to debate . In Texas , his gut led him to believe the death penalty has a deterrent effect , even though he acknowledged there was no evidence to support his gut 's feeling . When his gut , or something , causes him to announce that he does not believe in global warming - - as though it were a theological proposition - - we once again find his gut ruling that evidence is irrelevant . In my opinion , Bush 's gut should not be entrusted with making peace in the Middle East . - Last week , I began a sentence by saying , " If Bush had any imagination . . . " and then I hit myself . Silly me . - If , at the end of this short book , you find W . Bush 's political resume a little light , don 't blame us . There 's really not much there . We have been looking for six years . - The poor man who is currently our president has reached such a point of befuddlement that he thinks stem cell research is the same as taking human lives , but that 40 , 000 dead Iraqi civilians are progress toward democracy . - Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States , please pay attention . Molly was always warning her readers about the consequences of turning complete authorityPosted by |
Miranda Mart lived with her brother , Guido , and me for 14 years , and she was the sweet one . I adopted them from the Animal Rescue League in their 5th week , at the same time I bought my first house . They were wonderful companions for this cat lover , although Miranda had medical problems from the start . At around 10 years old , she developed an immune - deficiency skin disease , pemphigus , which finally got the best of her a few days ago . Miranda loved to hide and I enjoyed searching for her in closets and corners . When I couldn 't sleep in the middle of the night , she kept me company and stared forever into my eyes as I pet her . Miranda was a very loving cat , although she would smack any visiting dogs in the face to stand her ground ! Her memory and spirit will always live on in my heart and my husband 's as well . We love you , Miranda . It was destiny that brought you to our front door . You were just a tiny little black kitten with no home . We adopted you although it always seemed like you chose us . You ran around the house so quiet and dainty ( except of course when you wanted attention ) . I 'll never forget when Cookie was sick and you were right beside her every step of the way . You were h er companion and I can never thank you enough for that . When Cookie died you were right by my side the whole time . I just can 't believe you are gone , I didn 't even get to say goodbye . I 'll never forget you and I hope someday I will get to see you again . Thank you for coming into my life , I wish it could have been longer . You then grew up and did everything that was avaliable to you . You were amazingly loving to my whole family , everyone was sad to hear of your death , even my friends . While holidng everyones love strongly in your pocket you were still able to have a good time in the garden , avoiding the 6 foxes on many occasions , like you were teasing them . Then was the day you decided to bring us ' presents ' . . . half eaten animals you had caught , and this was quite frequent ! . Just like the day you bought a mouse into the house , you dropped it , let it run , caught it . . repeat . . . until it got away and my mom was super angry ! and whenever we all got home from work and as we got to the door you would be there , sweet ! The are so many more lovely memories , but I can all list them And then the ' athletic downfall ' . None of us actually noticed that you had a problem , that you gradually got slower and slower , and slept on my bed for longer periods , still loving , but barely went outside . Then one day I got home from a museum with my dad ( 13 Feb 2005 ) and mommy told use you were breathing badly . you went 40 minutes to a vet but he didnt diagnose you right . We took you home were my mom and my dad split the time staying up to make sure you were ok . Then on my birthday we took you to the vet , she knew immediatly what was wrong and gave you an anaesthetic . You died from it later , but you died like a man , you were desperatly trying to kick yourself awake but to no avail . Disability now keeps me home , and her love keeps her home with me . Cancer is growing within her and all too soon , I will tearfully send her into darkness . Sadness , deep and painful , cuts our hearts from us . This is in honor of our best & most loved friends , who are still part of our lives even though they have moved on ahead of us . Mine are OZ & Emma , see you soon . : ) A man and his dog were walking along a road . The man was enjoying the scenery , when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead . He remembered dying , and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years . He wondered where the road was leading them . After a while , they came to a high , white stone wall along one side of the road . It looked like fine marble . At the top of a long hill , it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight . When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl , and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold . He and the dog walked toward the gate , and as he got closer , he saw a man at a desk to one side . When he was close enough , he called out , " Excuse me , where are we ? " " Of course , sir . Come right in , and I 'll have some ice water brought right up . " The man gestured , and the gate began to open . The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog . After another long walk , and at the top of another long hill , he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed . As he approached the gate , he saw a man inside , leaning against a tree and reading a book . " Excuse me ! " he called to the reader . " Do you have any water ? " " Yeah , sure , there 's a pump over there " . The man pointed to a place that couldn 't be seen from outside the gate . " Come on in . " They went through the gate , and sure enough , there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it . The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself , then he gave some to the dog . When they were full , he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them . " What do you call this place ? " the traveler asked . Cally you were absolutely gorgeous from the day you adopted us until the day you crossed over the Rainbow Bridge . You were our lap cat . Full of love and purrs . We know you are chasing those mousies with Muggins , Kate , Zeb and even Murphy . Mommy , Chris , Sparky , Zippy , Pixie and Binti will miss you and love you forever . You will live in our hearts forever . i miss u so much ! u were like a mom . u always would call me when it was time to go to bed ! i am growing up now , and when i get up into the land of the dead , i 'll find u ! could u tell me if Ezra , Elliot , Mushu , Rasmus , Sweet Pea and all our other cats r ok ? i miss them too . i hope u r well . i 'll find u ! i will ! my love and mom 's and dad 's and frances 's and Chloe 's and Izabelle 's ( we have new cats ! they 're r nice to us , don 't worry ) . miss u a million ! Nineteen years ago a little black puppy was born , he found a home with a 6 year old boy . Little did I know how this puppy would help me ( a 5 year old girl ) some years later . I ended up meeting and dating that 6 year old boy 7 years later . I found my self 16 pregnant and then later loosing my unborn child , and in a physically and mentally abusive relationship . One day my boyfriend decided he wanted his old dog back that had been living with his Grandmother . So we went and got her . She was the only friend I had . My boyfriend and I lived in the country I had no car , and he would leave me at the house for days at a time with nothing but some out stale cereal . Midnight and I would sit on the bed I would cry and feed midnight cereal . She tried to protect me one bad night when my boyfriend came home mad , and she got hit and at that moment I knew I had to leave . I don 't know why it took him hurting her to realize what I had to do , but it did and I believe she saved my life . I called my mom ( for the first time in 6 months ) from some ladies house down the road . And we packed up my stuff and Midnight and I lived for 5 more years together happy and safe . Then at 21 married with a child of my own I awoke one morning to a phone call from my mom , she said " Honey I 'm sorry Midnight passed away a few min . ago , " I told her I would be there in a min . I woke up my husband and said I need to go take care of something . I drove to my mom 's , took that awesome old dog , & buried her under a big beautiful tree by the creek and with her I buried my passed all the hurt , pain , anger , & regret ! ! ! Here she was dead and yet she still was helping me . I 'm 23 now married to a good man I have a beautiful daughter and am about to adopt another little girl . Wow how my life has changed . Thank you Midnight ! ! ! Love , Mel Gumby , born 10 / 16 / 83 crossed the bridge 07 / 28 / 04 but still alive in our hearts forever . You and your brother Opie ( plot # 2 ) made such an impression on us from the day you where born till the night you died so peacefully in my arms sitting in the moonlit porch . You became such a part of my life that we were a pair . Early life found you hanging out with me and drinking sips of Pepsi and eating chips . You and Opie moved with your new mom and I from house to house and it seemed you would be here forever . At 21 it was obvious you were slowing down , but you caught a mouse the night before you left and brought it to me alive to send him packing . The last several years you had your routine , jumping on the bed walking up the middle and pulling my hand with your paw to rest your chin on it . I really missed that until we got two new kittens and little Schmitty does exactly the same thing . Thanks for arranging that . You were born , we think , in 1989 , in an unknown month , so we settled on May , which was Mama 's birthday . Your first year of life is a blank , but we don 't think it was an easy one . You were found abandoned in an apartment almost starved to death . It was estimated that you had no food or water for over a week , and were little more than skin and bones when you were rescued . Sherrie ( Mama ) adopted you from the Humane Society and brought you home , over my initial objections . I 'm glad she insisted that we keep you . We tried to make you feel as loved as we could , and you unhesitatingly adopted us . We joked over the years you were with us that you had a puzzle with only two pieces : Mama and me . If either one of us was gone from the house you would pace and worry until we got back home . Only then was your puzzle complete and you could rest comfortably . I wish I could say that all your years with us were happy and carefree , but I can 't . Three different times between 1990 and 2001 you faced near - death situations , but each time we nursed you back to health with caring and love , and the bond between us all grew ever stronger . Or so I thought . Sadly , in 2001 , Mama decided to leave me , and in her final parting from the house , she literally snatched you from my lap where you 'd been peacefully dozing , and took you with her . From then until your final journey over Rainbow Bridge in 2004 I only got to see you three times . The last time I saw you , about four months before your passing , you were almost totally blind and deaf , and yet you knew me when I came to Mama 's door , for you wagged your tail in your usual greeting and whimpered slightly . Briefly , for only minutes , and for the last time , your puzzle was once again complete . I inquired about you every chance I got , but Mama would never say anything . Mama never bothered to tell me of your passing , so I was never allowed to say a final goodbye , or be with you for your final journey . I found out seven months later , but even now I still don 't know the exact date . Mama had you cremated and your ashes sent out of town , insuring that I could never grieve properly . I vividly dreamed of you once during those seven months , and I truly believe it was because you were allowed to come back over Rainbow Bridge for one short visit to tell me personally , " Goodbye " . Thank you , JC … I grew to love you and I will always miss you ! Almost two months have passed and it is still hard for me to believe that you are really gone . I 'm still finding your hair on my clothes and your toys in odd corners of the rooms . And , today is the anniversary of the day you came home with me , nineteen years ago . I remember , as I drove over to meet you , I was apprehensive . I thought I really wanted a kitten , not a full grown cat with full grown habits and personality . All that changed when you jumped out of the carrier and marched over and demanded to be petted . It was all over ; from then on , you were my cat , and if you had any bad habits , I don 't really recall what they were . We have gone through a lot of things over the years , but what I 'll never forget is the years I had cancer . I don 't know how I would have made it without you . You never cared how I felt or what I looked like and you always sat beside me whenever I was sick or frightened . It just breaks my heart that when cancer came for you that I could not do more to help you . I would have tried anything to make you well again , although in the end , there was nothing that could be done . I can only hope that I made the little time you had left easier for you to bear and that I didn 't wait too long to end your pain . If I did , please forgive me , it was so hard to believe it was really time for you to go , so quickly . I won 't say goodbye because I hope we 'll meet again , someday . I 'll brush your fur , you 'll sit on my lap and we 'll play hide and seek just like we used to do . So , until then , may you run swiftly under a warm , bright sun and rest in a soft and easy spot , young and healthy again , as you are in my dreams . Carina Angus was a 5 and a half year old English Mastiff . He lived with us in our home in Maple Ridge , BC . He was the best dog to ever set foot on the face of the earth . This dog literally never did anything wrong and I loved him more than life itself . Puppy Gus was taken from us across the rainbow bridge , much too early on December 28 , 2004 . Rest in peace my baby . I love you forever , and I will never ever forget the joy you brought to our family . Cookie was my best birthday present ever . I 'll never forget my 9th birthday when my mom and I went to pick out a dog . I wanted a Bishon Frise just like my best friend . We went to see this lady that sold lots of dogs and out of all of them , I always thought that Cookie picked me out . We grew up together , she was my best friend . I remember when we were little we used to play so much . Then , when I became a teenager she would comfort me when she sensed I was sad . One time , when I broke up with my boyfriend I cried so much , she came up to me and started licking my tears off my face . She was my best friend . The years past on and Cookie grew very old , but I always took care of her with all my heart . These last months were very hard on her and boy did she hate that medicine I gave her . It was almost time to put her to sleep . Yesterday I came home at night and I saw her lying in the bathroom barely breathing . I started crying and I took her in my arms and petted her , knowing as her vet had told me , her time was near . A half an hour later , Cookie passed away . It 's almost as though she was waiting to see me and say goodbye . Dogs have this really strange sensibility . . . they know more than we give them credit for . Before Scooter was ' fixed ' he was quite the lover of a stuffed rabbit who was known as " Miss Bunny " . He showed his prowess as a lover at a party my wife was throwing for her friends from school by dragging Miss Bunny out in front of the girls , pulling her dress up , and having his way with her . When my wife told me this I laughed so hard I almost peed myself . Scooters special frisbee trick - Scooter was a frisbee fanatic . While playing frisbee with my dad Scooter loaded up the frisbee with some ' number two ' and proudly presented it , just to show how much he really did like dad . Whenever you needed a little comfort Scooter was always there with his patented ' neck hug ' . I probably miss that most of all . In closing , Scooter was a trusted friend who was there whenever needed . Always concerned about our well being regardless of how he was feeling . As Scooter was lying there crippled and in pain he rose up one last time , licking my wife 's hand as she was crying , and wagging his tail to comfort us . I will never forget that moment , along with many others . You 'll live in my heart forever Scooter . I miss you buddy . We truly believe that a dog is man 's best friend and Xena was the perfect example of this . We want Xena to know that we miss her and that she was very special to us . Even though we only knew her for a very short amount of time , we love her like we had known her forever . A Bearded Collie adopted us 14 years ago . He spent his time equally divided between his job of guarding us from mythical monsters and laying beside me at the couch with his paw extended for me to hold and rub . Althouugh he is no longer here , his spirit will always continue to guard us and keep us safe . Tigger was born at Ed 's house ( Ed has passed away also ) across the street around April of ' 92 . She was one of those " free " kittens , and they turn out to be the best . Free to roam the neighborhood , she stayed around here . Ed 's place was the farthest she went . Almost all cats are known for climbing , but Tigger stayed on the ground 99 . 9 % of the time . She hunted for birds and caught quite a few . She was a people cat . When someone came to the door , she wouldn 't run off . When we let her in , Tigger had her favorite spot on the couch . One time my dad was in her spot , and she wouldn 't look at him for a week . I 've never had a cat this long . One got hit by a car when still a kitten . I gave Blackie to my mom when he was 7 years old because he would get into fights and Mom could keep him inside . But Tigger was 12 when the neighbor 's dogs got out and attacked her . She was in and out of the vet for over a month . There was no chance of recovery with out major surgery , and the vet said she would probably never be the same again . Deciding to put her to sleep was one of the most difficult decisions I had to make in my life . She will be missed and I will always hear her collar tags - jingle , jingle - when I go outside . Horny kitty . I swear . Until the day you were fixed , you were always looking for action . But that 's one of things that made you one of those cool cats ; the ones with personality . You were always CRYING when in heat , and it was bad too , because you were an outside kitty . You were loud too ! You purred so loud that I nicknamed you Motor . Mom got you for Deanna 's 5th birthday , hence the name Five . Dad called you ' Stupid Kitty ' , Lauren called you ' Fiver ' , Uncle Scott called you every number but Five . I called you Motor . . . . but most og all , I called you mine . I loved you so much . Even though you were technically Deanna 's , I took care of you . You were pregnant . I remember . I used to hold you in my arms and put my hand gently on your stomach to feel the babies kick . I guessed 5 in the litter . Mom guessed 4 . Dad said she must have at least 25 , you were huge ! We came home , and we couldn 't find you . We held our breath and listened for mews . Finally from the basement , we heard them . Tiny , and fragile , and you calling for one of them . There were 4 . Well , there were 5 , but one died . You had 4 beautiful babies . Luckily , your stray husband was orange , so we had quite an aray of colours for these babies ! We had to give them away , because our dogs liked to wrestle with them a bit too hard . I gave 2 to a class mate , one to my best friend , and the last one , a calico , to my grandmother . She took it home , to Indiana , but couldn 't keep it . It liked to play too much , and it hurt her hands . We got your baby , Callie ( Calico ) back . Then , one day , we all sat down for dinner in front of the TV . You jumped up on the back of the couch , and tried to eat my food . You know , I love to share Five , but not when Mom is watching ! So I shooed you away . Mom mentioned we were out of milk , so she would run to the store , right at the end of our street . When she came back , she noticed something at the end of our gravel drive . It was you . You had been hit . You had tried to run across the road , and the car hit your head . But thats good . It means you died quick . Mom made us stop eating dinner to come to the back of our 2 acre yard . There was dad , holding something in a bunch of paper towels . He had dug a hole , and put you in it . We all cried , with the acception of dad . Lauren petted you , Deanna petted you , Mom waved goodbye . I went to you , in that hole , and petted you , feeling the last bit of warmth you would ever give off . The warmth that used to get me to sleep at night . The loudest purr , that could be heard from the next room . Good bye my Motor girl . My sweet baby Five . I 'll never forget you , and we still have your baby , Callie , to remember you by . My best buddy . You have no idea how you will be missed . I will always love you . You stole my heart from the moment you shoot out of that wood pile behind Grandpa 's house . You were always there for me . Thank you for sharing your life with me . Keep Grandpa company until I get there . You were only with us for a short while , not quite 7 years , but you meant so much to us . You were the sweetest , most gentle dog I 've ever known . I know that your early years weren 't easy ones , but I hope that your time with us made up for them . I had hoped for many more years with you , not expecting to have cancer rob you from me at only 10 years old . You were brave until the end , but I couldn 't let you suffer in pain . We all miss you so much ! I had hoped that Alex would get to run in the backyard with you this summer , but it wasn 't meant to be . We will meet again at the Rainbow Bridge , I promise you that . Thank you for the time we had together , thank you for all of the kisses . I 'll think of you every time it rains , remembering how you were so afraid of rain , and how you would come and hide behind me . I 'll think of you every time Sam runs to the window barking , knowing that you 're at the window in spirit , shredding the curtains and scratching the windows to get to the trucks outside . I 'll think of you every time I look at the round table in the living room , and picture you sleeping underneath it . Basically , I 'll think of you often , and a smile will come to my face , knowing that I was lucky enough to receive almost 7 years of unconditional love from you . You will not be forgotten by any of us . Thank you , sweet dog ! Brownie was a handsome golden retriever . When i was about five or six , me and my twin brother were taken to a strange womans house . Inside we found what seemed hundreds of puppies . We chose two . I , being a girl , chose a girl and my brother , being a boy , chose a boy . This is the story of the boy . In the car , my brother was having a hard time naming him . We finally all decided on the name Brownie . Those dogs were what we always wanted . They provided hours of fun until our teen years when we didnt have time for them anymore , and when my mother and i moved out . Due to family issues , i hadnt gone to my fathers house for weeks . The last time i saw brownie alive was when he was out on his leash , and i didnt even go to pet him . I never got to say goodbye to one of my near - life long companions . I was too stuck up . One of my deepest regrets is not telling him i loved him one last time , Because now i can never go back . The very last time i saw him was today . My father picked an urn out of a display case and he opened it to reveal a bag of ashes . He said " look , its Brownie Bear . " At that moment i had to turn away or i was going to break down crying . He asked me to hold the urn but i couldnt . I had to leave . I cant change what i did but i can change how other peoples last days with their pets turn out . If you havent seen them in a while , tell them you love them , because you never know when it will be their last day . As for me , i just hope he hears my familys prayers and " i love you 's " and " we miss you 's " . They are infinite . Until we meet again brownie , our loyal dog , We love you so much and we cant wait to hold the real you in our arms again . |
I turned off the Interstate and drove into the little town on a bright warm Saturday morning . From the highway the round white water tower was visible , proudly proclaiming the name in big black letters . Once I drove into the town itself , it was apparent the town square was charming . It had the traditional county courthouse ( no , not here - here they are called parishes ) and a dark red brick jail next door . The courthouse was built of a yellow brick and the shape vaguely resembled the U . S . Capitol building , with a large green lawn in front . The jail was square and imposing , though tiny . A large fir tree grew in front of the jail and I had seen photographs of it in winter when the tree was decorated with Christmas lights . It was a small town , just barely able to be classified as a city . A narrow river ran through it and the house I was going to buy was built along this river . I had already seen pictures of the house - pictures e - mailed to me by Maria , my real estate agent . I had already put down a deposit and , if the house passed my on - site inspection , I was going to finalize the paperwork . My signature in a few places and it would be all mine - the perfect place for a new start . Maria 's office was down a side street from the ancient courthouse . The courthouse square stuck out , causing doglegs in the street that ran in front and giving downtown frontage to what would otherwise have been side streets . I parallel parked along the high curb and looked at the building with its gray stone façade . The front part of the building was a clothing store , with a few offices along the side and more offices on the second floor . A barber shop was tucked between Maria 's office and the clothing store . On the other side of her office , across a driveway , was a post office fronted with enormous white columns , an imposing structure compared to the other buildings around it . As I opened the door , the building had an old smell to it . Not musty , just old - very old . Maria saw me coming in and stood up to greet me . We had never met in person , just talked over the phone . I guess I was her only customer that morning because she greeted me by name . " Your house is on the edge of town , just a few minutes away . Everything is all set and we can close as soon as you are ready . All it needs is your final approval . " " It 's not a problem . We did all the preliminary paperwork but you can still back out . The owners are even available if you want to close today . " She turned off just as the divided street turned into a two lane highway . The small side street ended abruptly in a dogleg , as the street sign proclaimed Oak Street . Oak Street , in turn , dead - ended one house past mine . Well , it wasn 't mine yet . " Here it is , " she said , as she pulled into the driveway . " It was built in the late 1940s , right after World War II . The original owners put in a pool and later owners made modifications . It 's in excellent condition , well - built , framed in cypress and it should suit your needs perfectly . That back room with all the big windows would make a wonderful study . " We got out and she let me lead the way around the house . It wasn 't large , but it would be enough for me . Going down the left side , there was a stand of banana trees behind a fence . The swimming pool was in back , adjacent to a brick patio and a large built - in barbeque pit . We went past the swimming pool , heading to the waterfront . An old wharf built of heavy timbers extended out over the water , with a covered boatshed attached to it . Our shoes made a clopping sound as we walked over the old uneven timbers . The water drifted lazily past , almost silently . I looked downstream to the woods that lined the river outside of town , then upstream towards town where houses dotted the banks on both sides . Satisfied , I indicated the house with one hand . " I always like to enter through the front door the first time . It makes a statement , " she said as she opened the lockbox and took out the key . She handed the key to me . I put the key in the lock and turned . The door opened easily , without a squeak , and I led the way into the living room . What parties had been held here ? What Christmases had been celebrated here ? Families had started here , children had grown up , people had loved here . Aware there must be a history , I stepped reverently . Would I make any memories here ? I wondered . It was quiet inside , the outside world behind walls now . This house was empty , except for the two of us invading its stillness . It was not a place where a family lived now . That pressing quiet reminded me of what I had lost - of just how alone I was . I jumped a little at the words that ripped apart the very stillness . Maria had already slipped into real estate agent mode , proclaiming the amenities . I knew them by heart . Everything matched the pictures she had sent me . A few things were dated . The garage was only for one car , the washer and dryer were in the kitchen , but otherwise the house looked fine . The other room that interested me was the back bedroom , the room I was going to use for my study . It was paneled in cypress and the wall that faced the river was almost entirely glass . Windows extended from about a foot above the floor to the ceiling . It faced north and gave an excellent view of the river . Maria nodded and led the way back out to her car . We chatted about the town on the short drive to her office . When she was back at her desk , she made a few phone calls while I waited patiently . She smiled as she hung up the phone after the last call . We talked some more about the town while we waited , about the doctor who had recently been elected mayor , and his wife who loved buying shoes and giving parties . The local scandals were small ones , not what I was used to . It was a slow life , like times long past . It was what I was looking for . It was a place where I could lose myself . The half hour flew by and soon the sellers arrived . We had already discussed the issue of payment . I was paying cash and had a cashier 's check for the purchase amount with me . The other incidentals could be handled with personal checks . Frank looked to be about forty - five and Mary was probably the same age . We were introduced and Mary assured me I would enjoy the house . They had lived there for five years and were only selling it because Frank 's job was being transferred out of town . They had , of course , already moved out but wouldn 't actually leave town for another week . Maria politely guided us out of her office , onto the sidewalk and around to double doors next to the barber shop . The doors were made of carved wood , probably old cypress , with big glass windows . The names of the occupants were printed on the glass with crisp white letters . The door opened onto a staircase which had an even stronger old smell than Maria 's office . The lawyer 's secretary was expecting us and ushered us into a conference room . The furniture was dated , but nice . The young lawyer came in soon after and greeted everyone with a smile . I pulled it out of the inside pocket of my jacket and slid it to him . He was seated at the head of the table , with Maria seated between him and me , and Frank and Mary across from us . He nodded as he looked the check over . " This is fine . Ordinarily there is a bank involved but I see this will be a cash sale . Have you made arrangements for the utilities to be transferred ? " " Good , that takes care of the preliminaries . Well , then , unless anyone has any questions , we can start signing . " He looked up expectantly , first at me then at Frank and Mary , but we all shook our heads . He began the process of turning pages and indicating places for signatures . He handed a copy to Frank and Mary , indicating with his index finger where they were to sign , and then doing the same to me with the other copy . When we finished , he took the copies back , verified we had signed in the correct places , and swapped the copies so we could sign the other ones . The whole process took about half an hour . Frank reached into his pocket and took out two brass keys . He looked at them as Mary touched him on the arm . Then he laid them down on the table with a clink , right in front of me . He stood and held out his hand . Then , we all filed out and went our own ways . I went with Maria back to her office for a few other things . We had already discussed things like utilities , insurance and local banks in the weeks leading up to the purchase . She thanked me for my business . She had just made a sizeable commission . " This is Dooley 's Barbershop . It 's been here since … well , my grandfather had his first haircut in that chair , " she said with a chuckle . I looked in as we passed , seeing a few green barber chairs in a shop that looked like it was straight out of the set for the Andy Griffith Show . " Here 's Wormser 's . This side is for men 's clothes . The other side is women 's . Across the street is the Ford dealership . There is Main Hardware . It 's where every bride registers her china selection . " " Hi , Maria . Who 's your friend ? " called a big man in a white apron as we entered . He spoke with a deep voice , and just a trace of a fading Italian accent . Sam showed us to a table and handed us two photocopied menus . He continued wiping the tables around us as we looked over the menu . The place smelled of steam and fried food and a few other things I couldn 't identify . It wasn 't unpleasant . It seemed to fit . Along with the usual plate lunch favorites on the menu were some of the specialties this region was famous for . " I have the keys and the utilities are being transferred . I think I 'll camp out there tonight . My furniture and other stuff won 't arrive for a few days . Monday I need to get a refrigerator . " After lunch , we walked back past Maria 's office and kept going down Willow Street . A ways past the post office was a big covered farmer 's market . Most of the activity took place in the mornings , but a few vendors were still there . As we walked through it , a cute young brunette greeted Maria . It seemed like everyone knew everyone else in town . Becnel 's Hardware Store was in the next block , an unimposing one - story building along a street with even higher curbs . As we walked in , I was surprised by the circular bins of nails , nuts and bolts . Maria interpreted my question with a chuckle . We were greeted by a tall slender man with white hair and black framed glasses , wearing light green coveralls . As most of the people in this town seemed to know each other , he knew Maria and was immediately introduced to me . I explained what I was looking for and he showed me several samples . I selected a refrigerator and he promised to deliver it that afternoon . As I drove down the tree lined boulevard , I was reminded of other trees and another time . It was so recent that the wounds were still fresh . That face was there ; it would probably never fade , never be replaced . I was so lost in thought that I almost missed the turn . It was the transition of boulevard to two lane highway that brought me back from where I had been . I made the left turn onto the quiet street . There is something about a dead end street . It is so quiet and nobody just passes through . I made the sharp right turn and saw my house ahead . A thrill passed through me with that thought . It was mine . Just mine , though . I pulled into my driveway , passing under the oak tree and parked in front of the garage door . This time when I opened the front door and stepped in , it really felt different . I was coming home . It seemed silly to be camping out here when I could be staying in a hotel , but I wouldn 't have it any other way . I walked from room to room , planning in my head where to place furniture . I paused longest in the bedroom that faced the river . This was going to be my study , where I 'd do most of my writing . I had to get back to writing . It had been long enough . My agent was starting to pressure me and my fans … well , I didn 't want them to lose interest . It had taken me long enough to gain recognition the first time . The view of the river through the big windows could be inspiring . I might even trim that tree in the middle of the yard so I had a better view of the water . I could see myself sitting here , pounding away at the keyboard as my next bestseller took form . A knock on the front door brought me back to reality . I shook my head and looked at my watch , surprised that I had wasted so much time daydreaming . It was the appliance delivery already . I let them in and showed them where I wanted it placed in the kitchen . The water tap for the ice maker was already there so it didn 't take long . I inspected cabinets while they worked . Before long , they were on their way and I was alone again . The only sound in the house was the barely audible hum of the new , and empty , refrigerator . I couldn 't stand all that quiet . Not anymore . I opened the garage door and moved my car inside . I had enough packed in it to sustain me until the moving company arrived in a few days . The utilities had been left on and were being transferred to my name . Phone service was scheduled for installation on Monday , along with DSL . The first thing I moved in was my computer . I put the notebook on the wood counter in the den , found an outlet to plug it into , and started WinAmp . I turned up the sound so music would fill the house . With a long playlist going , I brought in the rest of the things from the car . I had a pillow and a red nylon sleeping bag for a bed , two suitcases and a few cardboard boxes - some clothes and enough pots , pans and utensils to get by for a few days . Not much else had accompanied me on the drive . I laid out the sleeping bag and pillow against one wall in the bedroom . Now I had furniture . I laughed at that pitiful thought . Everything would be here in a few days , though . Next I decided that I needed food for my new refrigerator . I locked the house , put my key in my pocket and drove back into town , looking for a grocery store . On the way , I remembered the farmer 's market , and Lindsey . I smiled at that memory and retraced my earlier path , passing up the grocery store on Main Street and turning left at Maria 's office , parking in front of the open air shed . To my great disappointment , Lindsey was already gone for the day . In fact , almost all the vendors were gone . I did manage to get a few fresh items , but I ended up having to go to the grocery store for the rest . Back to the grocery store , I walked in and got a basket . Grocery stores have a smell all their own . It 's a mixture of fresh produce , air conditioning , and something else . Industrial cleaner , maybe , not the kind of disinfectant you smell in hospitals . I wrinkled my nose as I thought how I hated that smell and immediately pushed the whole thought out of my mind . Back home with the refrigerator stocked , I went for a walk . The backyard spread out to the right , expanding in width to encompass much of what should have been the waterfront of the house next door . The backyard was about an acre , and the section to the right of the house had been planted with a variety of fruit bearing trees . Many of them had survived the hurricanes and freezes over the years . It was so refreshing to spend the rest of the day out in the open - my open - that I couldn 't believe it was really all mine now . The next day was Sunday . In the distance , I could hear church bells throughout the morning . I wasn 't ready for that . I didn 't know if I would ever be ready for that again . I spent the day being lazy and enjoying it . Monday dawned bright and early with the phone company arriving to install the telephone and DSL service . I wasn 't used to this kind of service - they actually showed up when they said they would . Small towns . I was able to catch up on e - mail easy enough , and all the usual discussions about writing and such . Not much had happened in my absence , except for a few comments about my relocation . I was anxiously waiting for my friend to come online . She didn 't usually spend time online on the weekends . We usually spoke during the week , when she was home alone while her husband was at work . With my notebook on the counter at my side and Skype loaded , I was starting to fix lunch when the computer began ringing . I looked hopefully at the screen and smiled when I saw her picture . I put the Bluetooth earpiece in my ear and pressed the button . " Michael ! How are you ? Where are you ? Did everything go alright ? " came the excited reply . It was soothing to hear her voice again . It was a sound I knew , a piece of stability from the life that had been thrown into turmoil . " Yes , all is well . I 'm in the house . Well , I 'm camping in the house . The movers won 't get here for a few days , but I have a sleeping bag and my computer . What else do I need ? " " The house is charming . It 's kind of small , three bedrooms and two baths . Brick and siding , you know , built back in the forties . There 's a pool in the backyard and a fruit orchard . I 'm going to use the back bedroom for my study . The view of the river from there is so inspiring . " " No , not yet . I 'm getting things setup . Don 't worry . Inspiration will strike soon enough . You know me . Before long , I won 't be able to do anything except write . " " No , " I answered thoughtfully , " nobody who will find a way onto the page . Well , maybe that guy who owns the restaurant where I had lunch right after I closed the sale on the house . He 's an interesting character . " Amanda let it drop , just for now , I 'm sure , but she didn 't push . We talked about how things were going for her , she passed along good wishes from our mutual online friends , and we just chatted . That was what we did best . We just talked about everything and nothing . " They 're all good , Michael , but they 're not you . You know what I mean , don 't you ? I can 't hear that passion in your voice yet . You 're always saying that you have to feel passionate about a story before you can begin writing it . " " I 've been reading this book about grieving . Until you get it out , you 'll have it hanging over you . It 's over , Michael . You have to - " " I don 't have to do anything , Amanda . I will get on with my life when the time is right . Right now , I think we both need to go . " This time , she cut me off with , " I know exactly what it is . I also know why you moved . When are you going to realize it ? " Later , when I was in my sleeping bag in the silent and lonely darkness , I did a lot of thinking . All those memories came rushing back . I relived why I had come to this place . The truth was that I didn 't know what I was hoping to find here . I knew I was running away , and I knew that Amanda knew it , too . The other truth is that I hadn 't cried . I hadn 't really cried . Not then , and not now . I just lay there in a depressed funk , seeing the image of a face , until sleep finally overtook me . After breakfast the next morning , I decided to walk into town . It was a small town , after all , and it would take less than a half an hour to walk to the center of downtown . Walking would give me a better feel for what it was like to live there , a quite different experience from driving down the street . Once I had reached the main street I followed the sidewalk , passing beneath majestic oak trees . The median that ran down the middle of Main Street had intricate old iron lamps that hung out over the street . As I got closer to town , the homes became more majestic . It was early summer , with all the accompanying scents and sounds hanging in the warm breeze . I didn 't meet many people because it was a weekday . Most people were at work , after all . Most of them had real jobs . The courthouse square was the center of downtown . Behind it was the river , and a bridge that connected to the fields and newer subdivisions on the other side . First I passed the red brick jail . The dark red of the brick reminded me of an angry color . There was a mood about that building which exuded an aura of punishment . Next door was the charming old courthouse , with its rotunda capped by a tiny statue of Justice holding her scales . Across the street I had passed a flower shop , gas station , movie theater and the grocery store I had shopped at the day before . Past the courthouse was where the main shopping district began . Here was everything from a car dealer to a hardware store , shoe stores , clothing stores , banks and a café . I walked along , window shopping , looking for inspiration . I wanted to get the feel of what it was like to live in Fournton . In the second block , I suddenly remembered about the farmer 's market - and Lindsey . I crossed the street and turned back , going down Willow Street and past Maria 's office . In the block after the great white post office , I saw the market . I pretended to be shopping for vegetables , but I was really looking for her . I never let myself think about I noticed that she was wearing one of those sticky paper nametags that said , " Hi , my name is " and she had dotted the " i " in her name by drawing a tiny red heart . She was also wearing a ball cap and her ponytail was pulled through the hole in the back . The whole image was so cute that it made me draw in a deep breath . She was older , in her late twenties , but the look and her personality were of someone younger , a teenager . " Ooh , he cooks his sauce from scratch . This sounds good , " she pretended to observe . Then she chuckled , a truly delightful sound that was like music . " They were picked this morning , " she told me . Since I was now carrying six tomatoes in a paper bag , I realized I should head home with my bounty . I had pretty much decided to give up on my research for the morning when I passed Maria 's office . She must have seen me coming because she opened the door as I approached . " Why don 't you leave them in here ? They 'll stay cool and you can finish your walk . I 'll be here awhile and you can pick them up on your way home . " " I 'm a writer , remember ? " I asked and she nodded . " I came here to write about small town life . I 'm still searching for a plot . I thought if I walked around and observed , some of the people might inspire me . " " Really ? " she asked and I nodded . " We can 't have that . You need to keep up your strength . If you starve to death at your computer , I 'll never be able to resell a house that someone died in . " " Yes , even that . " Then Maria paused thoughtfully a moment before continuing suddenly . " You could try Sam 's café at lunch . It 's busier during the week than it was on Saturday . " " Thanks . That 's a good idea . I think I 'll walk around a little , get the feel for things , and then walk home with my tomatoes . I just might have lunch at Sam 's a few times this week , " I told her as I turned away . I turned the corner at Main Street and passed the usual assortment of small town shops . I walked into the newsstand , the bell over the door ringing as the door closed behind me , the sweet smell of packaged candy filling the air , and I bought a local newspaper . The old cash register that the clerk used was truly an antique . He introduced himself , probably because he didn 't recognize me . When I told him who I was , he explained that he had heard I had moved into town and welcomed me . There was another bank across the street , barely a block from the one across from Maria 's office . I turned towards the river and walked back towards the courthouse . Here the street dipped down to the water , the buildings behind me up on a hill . There was even a bus depot , something you didn 't see much anymore in small towns . I passed the bridge and studied the back of the courthouse , imagining what the view must be like from the upper windows . As the street wound around the back of the government buildings and towards Main Street , I found the Chamber of Commerce office and went in to ask for a map . The helpful lady gave me one and asked me who I was . She also had heard of me , presumably from Maria . It was truly a small town and what little news there was traveled quickly . I thanked her for the map and worked my way back to Maria 's office where I retrieved my bag of tomatoes . Maria was on the telephone so I just waved and went on my way . The walk home went much like the morning , only it was warmer . Sounds of a few lawn mowers could be heard in the yards of the nicer homes . Obviously these people employed gardeners . Homeowners cut their grass on the weekends when they weren 't working . Back at home , I washed the tomatoes and began planning how to use them . I still hadn 't come up with a plot for my next work . After a light lunch , I was going to walk back to town but the skies clouded over . In short order , a rain began to fall . I used the time instead to try sketching out a plot . I sat in the den to work , watching the raindrops splashing in the pool . I thought back to my arrival in town a few days before , to the people I had met . One face kept coming to me - a certain school teacher who sold vegetables . Her smiling face and cuteness were something I looked forward to seeing . Did I go out of my way to seek her out ? I knew I wasn 't ready for something like that . By late afternoon , I had a few ideas for stories . Nothing was jumping out at me , demanding to be written yet . I typed up some ideas I had come up with and saved the file for later . The ringing sound from my computer 's speakers jolted me . The Skype window came up to reveal Amanda 's picture . I clipped the headset to my ear and clicked the answer button . Just as I did , a particularly loud clap of thunder rumbled , rattling things in the kitchen cabinets . " Nothing yet . I got sidetracked this morning . I was going to do some more walking around town this afternoon but the rain put an end to that . " " Amanda , stop it . It 's not like that . I just bought some tomatoes from her . I 'm going to make a pasta sauce with them . " " You know damn well what I mean , " she said , and I could hear the smile in her voice . " How old is she ? Is she cute ? " " So today is the first time you 've ever seen her ? " Amanda asked . She knew me too well and I realized she would be able to tell if I lied to her . " Yes , as a matter of fact , she is . " I let that statement hang in the air , a smile growing on my face as I made her wait for me to continue . " She 's a schoolteacher . " " You should hear yourself talk about her . I mean really hear yourself . Your tone changes … and you get all defensive … I think you like her . " Her statement scared me . I couldn 't think of a good comeback to it . Then I realized that not answering was more of an admission than answering . " Of course not . No one does . They all know I write , but they don 't know my pen name . Even if they did , I doubt they would recognize it . " I was blushing now because we both knew she was right . " Okay , yes , I am going to do it in a few days . I am going to go into the library and check if they have any of my books on their shelves . " I ended with an exasperated sigh . " You should tell them who you are . You could do a reading or a signing or something . Those people would be thrilled to find out who their new neighbor is . " Then , after pausing and changing her tone , Amanda continued , " I 'll bet Lindsey is even a fan of yours . " " If they aren 't , it 's just because they haven 't read one of your books yet . I keep telling you that . If you won 't believe me , believe your sales figures . Ask your agent . " I chuckled . " Yes , once you figured it out , you didn 't give me a chance to deny it . " I paused . Sounding as sincere as I could , I continued , " Thank you for keeping my secret . " When Amanda said that , a wave of emotion accompanied the image that swam into my mind . I remembered every detail and I felt it . A part of me didn 't like that because of … " Oh , no , you don 't . I know you . I know exactly what you 're thinking . Michael , it 's time . It 's more than time . " I thought about what she said . Inside , part of me wanted it to be time . Another , bigger part didn 't want it to ever be time . I heard Amanda sigh , or maybe sniffle , before she began her explanation . " About two months before the end , I saw your computer come online and I wanted to tell you I had just bought your new book so I called you with Skype . I was surprised when a woman 's voice hesitantly answered . I thought at first I had clicked on the wrong username , but she quickly identified herself as your wife . " It was difficult for the two women at first . One was married to Michael , the other was a close friend , and they had never spoken before . Amanda was embarrassed and just wanted to find a way to end the call quickly , forgetting her enthusiasm about Michael 's new book . Theresa had another idea in mind and quickly took control . It was one of her last strengths and she had to use it . " He talks about you all the time . It sounds like you two have a terrific marriage . He sounds so in love with you , " Amanda said with enthusiasm . A deep silence , an almost unbreachable gulf , came into existence between them . What could Amanda say to that ? She couldn 't think of anything , though she tried desperately to say something , anything , to end that silence . " No , don 't be . I 'm sorry . I really had no idea . " Then a question occurred to Amanda . The very idea chilled her as she wondered why Theresa was telling her this . As scary as the potential answer was , she had to ask the question . " Does Michael know ? " Theresa 's tone , when she answered that question , was almost smug . It was a smile , but not in the happy way . Rather , it was how Theresa was reassuring Amanda . " Yes , he knows . " " I know I 'm far away and you really don 't know me . Michael doesn 't even know me . Not really , that is . We 've only talked , but … is there anything I can do ? " Amanda 's thoughts were a jumble of emotion as she tried to reach out to her friend 's dying wife . " Yes , there is , and that is why I am telling you this . That is also why I answered the call . I knew you were calling for Michael and I knew he wouldn 't be home for awhile , at least not until after we had finished our conversation . " " I know how close you and Michael are . He talks of your friendship often and I 'm so glad he has that . He is going to need it . " Amanda , I would like you to promise to do something for me . Would you … would you look after , " and her voice broke here . She tried again after swallowing with difficulty . " Would you look after Michael … , after - " " I 'm worried about Michael , about what will happen to him after . It would make it a lot easier for me knowing he has a friend watching over him , supporting him , as he tries to get his life going again . Would you be that friend , Amanda ? Would you encourage him to find someone else , someone who can help him be happy again ? " " Thank you , Amanda . Your promise means a lot to me . " Theresa took in a deep breath . " Please don 't tell Michael we had this conversation . He doesn 't want people to know what 's going to happen . I think you know how private he is . " Amanda had another question . She hated herself for even thinking it , but knowing the answer would help her to do her part . She had to try twice before she could make herself speak the words . " How long ? " Theresa spoke clearly , a little stronger that time . She had already said the worst . The rest would be somehow easier now that Amanda knew . " Maybe a couple of months . Not much more than that , at best . " " Don 't cry for me , dear . I 've accepted it . We 've tried everything we could . I 'm at the end and I 'm ready for it to be over . My only fear now is for Michael . I worry that he will fall apart when I 'm gone . Be there for him , Amanda . Make sure he keeps writing . He has a gift to give to the world . " " I will , Theresa . I promise with all I am that I will do that for you , and for him . " And Amanda meant every word of that statement . When Amanda had completed her confession , I was trying my hardest to keep the sobs silent . I wasn 't entirely successful , though , and Amanda could hear . She was sobbing , too . " She told me because she wanted me to be there for you , to be here for you , … now . " Amanda caught her breath and swallowed . " She knew you have a gift to share - your writing . She didn 't want you to waste that gift or waste the rest of your life . You have a lot of love to give . She wants you to find someone else . " " Don 't go , Michael . Let 's talk about it first . I don 't want you to hang up while you 're still upset . " " You 're running away . You 're running away from your emotions . You 're running away from the memories . You 're running away from life . " I got up and walked out the back door . I needed to get away for a few minutes . I walked around the backyard , ending up on the wharf over the river . I sat on the wooden bench and listened to the water making trickling sounds as it flowed around the pilings . I thought of her as I listened to that tiny sound . Later , I don 't know how much longer it was , I got up and walked back toward the house . I stopped to look at the pine trees and realized that would be a great spot for a hammock . I made a mental note to look for one at the hardware store soon . I went for a swim , to try to wash away the pain . It was the first time I had used the pool . I stood at the deep end , facing the house , and dove in . The water washed over me , but didn 't take anything away . I swam laps hard , the workout gradually taking my attention away from other thoughts . I was tired and hungry by the time it started to get dark . I ended up eating outside by the pool . The dim lights reflecting off the water were comforting , somehow . I know I should have called Amanda back but I didn 't . When I was lying in bed in the dark , images of Theresa came to me again . I didn 't want to face those thoughts at that moment so I tried to think of anything else . I tried to flood my mind with images of this town I had made my home . One face came to me out of the dark void - Lindsey . It was with pleasure that I greeted the image of her smiling face . Then I realized that I felt more than friendship for her . I felt like I was being unfaithful to Theresa . A fear gripped my heart at that thought and I tried to force her out of my mind . I was not supposed to feel love for Lindsey or any other woman . I ended up tossing and turning for hours before exhaustion finally overtook me . The moving company showed up and turned my house into a home early the next morning . They were great at putting things in place , not just unloading the truck , and before long I was moved in . Once they were gone , I took a break and went back to the hardware store to find a hammock . The salesman tried to sell me a stand to go with it , but I wanted to hang it between two trees , the old fashioned way . I told the salesman what I had in mind and he showed me the big screw hooks I could use for that . When I got home , I stretched out the hammock on the ground and found two trees the right distance apart . With the two hooks screwed securely into the trees , I was able to hang the hammock . I tried it out and it felt so good . It was so relaxing lying there , the gentle sway of the hammock accompanied by the swishing sound of a breeze through the tops of the pine trees , that I almost drifted off to sleep . My eyes were closed and I was in that foggy space between wake and sleep when a sound roused me . Seeing her there made me forget to be worried and I just enjoyed the moment . I got up as she climbed the ladder with a rope in her hand . She had arrived in an aluminum canoe which she was tying up . As she crouched and bent over to tie the knot , she looked to her side and gifted me with another smile . Her smile was infectious . I couldn 't look at that beautiful smiling face and not smile along with her . She was genuinely friendly . I assumed she was that way with everybody , that it was not just meant for me . Why should it be ? I surveyed the kitchen , my kitchen now , with pride . A built - in table and the countertops had been covered in granite . The stove had been upgraded and the backsplash was also granite . The tile on the floor also looked new . I only knew the room this way but she had apparently seen the room before the changes . " I think it is , " she said , looking around . " The change is so dramatic . I never would have imagined the kitchen was like this now . " " Sure , why not . I haven 't made pizza in a long time and I 'm anxious to do it again . Are you doing anything tomorrow ? " " I 'd like a dozen . How about you come over after you finish at the market ? I 'll start the dough rising in the morning and we can make the pizza together when you get here . The pizza won 't be ready until dinnertime , but I 'll have some things to snack on until then . " I gave her a quick tour of the rest of the house . The bathrooms had been redone , judging from her reaction . When we got to the study , she looked around , then to me , with a question in her expression . " Now I get to quiz you , " I said , grinning , as we sat . " You 're a teacher at the elementary school . What else do you do ? " " You know I help my grandfather with the farm , " she said and I nodded as I took a sip of wine . " I love the outdoors . I canoe , hike , I love to go camping in the spring and fall when it 's cool . " " Just before the bridge , " she said , pointing upstream with the hand holding the rope . I took the rope from her as she got in the tiny boat . " After you wow me with your pizza , I 'll have you over for dinner and you can see where I live . " I sat on the bench and watched her paddle , enjoying the view . She turned once and waved , and I waved back . When I could no longer pick her out on the water , I walked back inside . |
While Felix was a friendly little goof , Socks was always stand - offish and a bit high - strung . I would pet her a little bit every day , but she didn 't really care if she got petted or not . Meanwhile , Felix would be crawling all over me , rubbing and snuggling . Things changed when one day a young bobcat came up onto my porch and attacked Socks . Through the glass in the porch door , I saw a blur of tan fur chasing her , and heard the thump of them hitting the porch wall . I jumped up and opened the porch door , to see Socks crammed into the corner of the porch , held down by one of the bobcat 's huge paws . They both looked up at me . I didn 't want to threaten the bobcat into attacking me , but I had to make it let go of my kitty , so I reached down and tapped it lightly on the side . That startled it into letting go of Socks . She dashed into the house , and the bobcat jumped off the porch and stood there watching me . I didn 't want it hanging around to possibly attack my kitties again , so I ran outside yelling and waving my arms , and it trotted off around the house . I chased it twice around the house , until it finally took off down the road . I found Socks hiding in the kitchen under the cabinets . I let her stay there until she felt like coming out the next day . The whole side of her face was swollen where the bobcat had whacked her head , and her eye got infected from a small puncture wound near her eye , but she recovered completely after that . She also decided at that point that I was okay , and we became friends . Sadly , I lost Felix when he was about a year and four months old . Socks really missed her brother , but even worse , without Felix around , Spot started to harass Socks terribly . I started keeping her inside all the time so Spot couldn 't chase her away , and I was constantly breaking up fur - tearing fights , and poor Socks was so stressed , she was peeing and pooping everywhere . Finally , one day , I shut Socks in my spare bedroom with a litter box and food and water , just to get a little peace and quiet . I figured she 'd be crying to be let out soon enough and I 'd open the door then , but she never did . In fact , she seemed much happier to have a space of her own without that big old bully always after her . So from then on , she had her own room . I visited her every day , but I did worry a bit about her being alone most of the time . I remembered how much she loved her brother , and thought she might like a friend , so in 2006 , I got another cat from my brother 's ranch , Jerry . Unfortunately , it turned out Socks didn 't want another friend . She didn 't want anything to do with Jerry . Thankfully , they didn 't fight , but they never got to be close , either . Two years ago , I lost my heart kitty , Spot . I still miss my big orange buddy , but with him gone , there was no reason to keep the girls shut in their room any longer , so I opened the door and let them come out into the rest of the house . After a couple of days of wondering what all this new space was about , Socks decided she was queen of the house , and claimed it as her own . As she got older , Socks started having some difficult health problems . She developed stomatitis and had to have her teeth pulled , and she was put on prednisolone . She absolutely hated taking medicine , and wasn 't eating reliably enough to put meds in her food , but fortunately we were able to get the pred in a transdermal gel I could rub on her ear flap , and she grew to tolerate that . Later , she developed hypercalcemia , which is often a symptom of lymphoma . Many tests , including a biopsy , couldn 't find any sign of lymphoma , so we just treated her high calcium with weekly Fosamax pills . She didn 't like that at all , either , but at least it was only once a week ! And for a while , it controlled her hypercalcemia , and she was doing pretty well . Then , earlier this summer , she started throwing up a lot and losing weight . Again , the vet couldn 't find anything wrong in exams and blood tests , so he thought it was just a side effect of the meds she was on , and put her on an anti - nausea med . That was a liquid she had to take every day . She really hated that , and it became a bit of a daily battle to get it into her , but it did stop the vomiting and she started doing better again . Fortunately , she didn 't hold a grudge , and five minutes after the hated syringe of medicine , she 'd be in my lap purring up a storm . This past weekend , she suddenly stopped eating , and spent all day Saturday hiding in the cat tree . I thought if she wasn 't better the next day , I 'd take her to the vet on Monday . On Sunday , she sat in my lap for a little while , but didn 't purr and didn 't seem like she could get comfortable . When she jumped down , she suddenly started howling in pain . I decided I 'd better not wait , so I bundled her up and drove her to the emergency vet 50 miles away . Turned out she had a huge tumor in her abdomen , and was severely anemic , probably due to internal bleeding from the tumor . It seems likely now that she did have lymphoma all along , but it hid from detection until it was too late . Treatment would have required surgery , which she might not have survived because she was so sick , and which wouldn 't have had a high chance of success anyway . So I decided to let her go . I used to call her my fussy little diva . She wanted everything just so , and she would let you know if things weren 't to her liking . If she didn 't think she was getting enough attention , she was inclined to stop eating . The food she liked one day she refused to touch the next day . When she sat in my lap , I was required to stop whatever else I was doing and stay still and pet her - just enough , but not too much - or she 'd jump off and run away . She terrorized the pet sitter and hid from guests . She 'd prowl the house at night , knocking things off counters , and playing loudly with her toys at 5 AM . Sometimes she drove me crazy , but I loved her dearly . Today is 49 days since my kitty Spot died . There is a Buddhist belief that after someone dies , they will spend up to 49 days in a transition state called " bardo " before moving on to the next life . So relatives and friends of the dead will continue to pray and make offerings for them for 49 days , to try to help them achieve an auspicious rebirth . I wanted to post a memorial to Spot right away , but it was too hard to look at pictures of him and think about him . I thought maybe after one month I would post , but after a month I still couldn 't do it . So then I thought I would post after 49 days . I don 't know if the 49 day bardo applies to animals , too , but if it does , then today Spot is off to a new life . I hope it is a good one for him , and that his suffering is less than it was in his past life . And , I appear to have a cat . Several other people had spotted it before I finally met it on Thursday . A nice big orange tabby . He was a bit skittish , but quite friendly once he finally decided to come out and say hi . Apparently he 's been living under the house . There was some cat food left there , and I put some out for him , and my brother said he would stop by every couple of days to put out some more , so I 'm hoping he 'll be okay until I can move down for good . ( I remember trying to take that picture : Spot kept trying to climb my leg , he was so eager to be petted and loved , I couldn 't get him to stay on the ground to be photographed . Poor guy had been mostly on his own all winter . I 'd been driving down for the weekend every other week or so , and putting out food for him when I was here , but otherwise he had to feed himself with whatever mice and squirrels and such he could find . ) Then yesterday , I was sitting on the couch near the doors that lead out to the deck , and I thought I heard a meow . And there he was , complaining loudly and demanding food and skritches . " I 'm glad you 're here ! " I said . " Now you can catch that mouse that 's been running around . " So it seems I have a cat . Or he has me . Since it looks like he 's here for good , I figured I 'd better give him a name . I 'm calling him Spot , after Data 's cat . At first , he was an outdoor kitty . He 'd been used to living outdoors , and I was still dealing with pretty bad cat allergies , so I didn 't think I could bring him inside . Of course , he had other plans - it was hot in the summer , and I 'd leave the door open , and the screen door didn 't always latch , and he was perfectly capable of opening the screen door and strolling in . Usually , I 'd pick him up and take him back outside . But he 'd come right back in if he had the chance , acting like he owned the place . I 'd go outside and sit on the porch with him . I remember that summer , spending mornings on the porch with my coffee and Gameboy , playing Yu - Gi - Oh ! games while Spot twined around me and purred . Such perfect , golden mornings ! I hadn 't had a cat since high school , since I 'd developed such horrible cat allergies I could barely be in the same room with one , and although I 've always loved cats , I spent thirty years without one . Then I moved here , and there he was ! The decision made for me : I had a cat . In late June or so , I got a couple of kittens from my brother 's ranch : Miss Socks and her brother , Felix . Unfortunately , Spot did not want kittens in his space . After a couple of days , he took off and was gone for over a week . I was almost ready to give the kittens back , but finally , Spot came back ! I was sooooo happy ! I took him into the house and let him stay there after that . I left the back door propped open for the rest of the summer so Spot could come and go as he pleased . He mostly stayed indoors or behind the house , while the kitties stayed in the front , and an uneasy truce was maintained . A year later , though , Felix went out hunting and never came back . After that , things deteriorated between him and Socks . I suppose he thought he 'd finally gotten rid of one of those pesky kittens , so now he 'd get rid of the other one ! And Socks was always hostile towards Spot , too , unlike Felix , who loved everybody and everything and was on his way toward making Spot his friend . When I had the three kitties , Felix acted as a sort of buffer between Socks and Spot . Without him , Spot terrorized Socks until she was peeing everywhere , and I was breaking up fights several times a day . Finally , I put her in the back room - where I 'd already set up food and water dishes and a litter box for her , so she could eat and pee in peace most of the time - and closed the door . I thought she 'd be meowing to be let out after a while , but she never did . She seemed to enjoy having a room of her own , safe from that mean old orange kitty . So she lived in there , and Spot had the rest of the house to himself . After a while , I thought Socks must be lonely living in a room by herself most of the time , so I got Jerry to keep Socks company . It turned out that Socks didn 't really want any company . She tolerated Jerry , but they never got to be friends . Spot was a very affectionate kitty , once he got comfortable wtih me . He liked to sit on my lap for hours - and he 'd get mad if I tried to pick him up and move him off me . He 'd never really learned to get along with people as a kitten , and he could be rough sometimes . He 'd take a swipe at me or even bite me if he didn 't want to be moved . I finally figured out that the only way to get up without having him swipe at me was to just stand up and dump him off my lap . Same if I wanted to sit down and he was in my spot - I couldn 't pick him up and move him , I 'd just sit half on top of him and he 'd jump up and run off . But if I picked him up and held him , he 'd snuggle against me and grip my shoulder with his paws and purr and let me walk around with him and even dance him around . He loved to be hugged and snuggled and petted . He 'd come when I called , most of the time . I remember one time , I was standing on the porch and he was outside down near the road . Just to see what he 'd do , I called , " Here Kitty , Kitty , Kitty . " He looked up at me , then took off running toward me as fast as he could go , across the yard and up onto the porch and right to me . I petted him and told him he was a good kitty ! If I wanted him to sit with me , I could call him and pat the seat beside me or my lap and he 'd jump right up . I often wondered how such an excellent cat came to be living as a stray at my house . I thought maybe someone had abandoned him there . It wasn 't until several years later that I found out his story : one day while I was out , my mom was at my place outside in the yard with Spot when the neighbor up the road drove by . Our neighbor recognized Spot and told my mom that she 'd taken in Spot and his brother as kittens when their owner didn 't want them . But Spot and his brother kitty didn 't get along , and eventually Spot 's brother chased him away . The neighbor thought he 'd probably been eaten by a coyote or a bobcat , and was surprised and glad to see him still alive and in a happy home . He was clearly a very smart and savvy cat , to be able to survive on his own all that time , until I could come and give him a home . But that explained why he 'd never learned to get along with other cats , if his own littermate had chased him away . When I talked to him , he seemed to understand what I was saying . He didn 't talk much , but when he did , you could tell it was because he had something to say . He 'd look me right in the eye and meow like he expected me to know exactly what he meant . He could open doors if they weren 't latched - he 'd hook his foot around the screen door or a cupboard door and pull it open . Or , if it opened in , he 'd just put his big , hard head against it and push it open . Sometimes he 'd go inside a cupboard and check things out . I 'd wonder where he was and go around the house opening cupboard doors , and he 'd stroll out like he belonged there . My mom likes to tell the story of the time he came next door to get her to come to my place and let him in . This is how it happened : after she moved in next door to me , he 'd go up and visit her now and then . Sometimes I 'd let him outside when I left for the library in the morning , and then later she 'd drive into town and get the mail . On her way home , she 'd stop at my place to drop off my mail , and she 'd let Spot in the house . One day , though , I didn 't have any mail , so she drove on by and went home . But when she got there , Spot was waiting for her on her porch . He 'd seen her drive by and went next door to get her . He started down the hill to my place , stopping and turning to make sure she was following . Once he saw she was coming , he took off back home . When she got to my place , he was waiting by the door for her . So she opened the door so he could go inside . He loved to hunt mice and squirrels and lizards and anything else he could get , and generally he ate what he caught . One summer , he went out every morning and caught himself a chipmunk and brought it up onto the porch to eat . He 'd eat it on the porch doormat , consuming everything but the tail . After he was done , I 'd take the doormat and toss the tail down into the yard . After a month or so , I went down into the yard , and was startled to see it carpeted in chipmunk tails ! They were everywhere . If he could , he 'd sneak into the house with his prey . Then the mouse would get away from him and hide under the desk or the couch . He 'd lose interest and walk away - and I 'd be stuck with a rodent in the house ! I 'd tell him , you 're supposed to be keeping the mice out of the house , not bringing them in ! I 'd try to remember to check his mouth before opening the door for him , but sometimes I 'd forget . Eventually , he learned to dash past me and run into the bathroom with his prey . I 'd close the door and let him finish it off . I worried about him when he was out late , but he knew how to take care of himself , and always managed to avoid the coyotes and bobcats and other predators out there . What he couldn 't avoid were all the various health problems that plagued him . About a year after we moved in , he started coughing , but a steroid shot fixed him right up . The vet thought it was mild asthma . A year or so later , he started having trouble peeing . He had crystals in his urine that were blocking him . Putting him on special food fixed that . He got ear mites really bad one summer , and it took months of medicines and ear drops to finally clear them up . He got various injuries that had to be treated . But he was a tough guy and bounced right back from most everything . We evacuated three times for fires . The first time wasn 't really necessary - I 'd gotten spooked by a panicky neighbor and spent the night at my mom 's place in town . Whenever he was in a new place , he inspected it thoroughly , sniffing around and peering into every corner , until he was satisfied he knew where he was , and then he was fine . I remember my mom telling me that , while I was at work , at one point she couldn 't find Spot and was worried that he 'd gotten out . She looked all over her apartment , but couldn 't find him , until she opened the cupboard above the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator - and there he was , looking out at her ! He 'd apparently thought it was a good place to hang out . The second time was for the West Fire - the one that started a quarter of a mile from my place and burned half our mountain . Mom had moved up next door to me by then , so both of us and our cats packed up and went to my brother 's place . At first , we put Spot in one of the rabbit hutches . He didn 't like that at all , and spent most of the time sitting in his litter box . The third time was the Canyon Fire , when we lost our home . This time , we stayed in my brother 's guest house , and Spot had the run of the place . Once he 'd checked everything out , he was pretty comfortable in the place . In the Sept . 9 , 2011 post , Life Goes On , I wrote : Sleeping on the fold - out bed in my brother 's guest house with my kitty curled up next to me purring , I thought , he doesn 't care that the house is gone . He 's happy because he has me . A safe place to stay , food and water , someone who loves him to snuggle up with at night . That 's all he needs . So I take a lesson from my kitty . I have everything I need . All will be well . After the fire , we moved in with my mom while I got my place cleared off and a new home built . We fixed up her back porch for the girls , Socks and Jerry , so Spot could have the run of the house . He was familiar with her house , having visited many times before , so he didn 't have to get used to a totally new place . On the other hand , he also knew that his own house was right next door , if only he could get to it ! He snuck outside many times during the first few months , trying to go home , but we mostly got him back in fairly easily . One time , though , he was gone for hours , and came back with soot up to his knees . He 'd been out exploring , and apparently realized finally that his house was gone , and we didn 't have too much trouble keeping him in after that . He didn 't really like being at my mom 's place , though . He complained a lot , got very clingy and irritable . That was also when he first started having kidney problems . Probably his heart trouble was developing then , too , although we didn 't realize it at the time . When we got into our new house , though , he relaxed and was much happier . He seemed to know he was home , even though the house was different . I think he realized it was in the same place . He only spent a few days checking things out before he settled right in . We had a little over a year in our new home . I 'd noticed he was losing weight , and he was coughing a lot more , and things went quickly downhill from there . His last few months were stressful and difficult , and I don 't want to dwell on them . We had eleven good years together - not enough , but then , it never is . |
While Felix was a friendly little goof , Socks was always stand - offish and a bit high - strung . I would pet her a little bit every day , but she didn 't really care if she got petted or not . Meanwhile , Felix would be crawling all over me , rubbing and snuggling . Things changed when one day a young bobcat came up onto my porch and attacked Socks . Through the glass in the porch door , I saw a blur of tan fur chasing her , and heard the thump of them hitting the porch wall . I jumped up and opened the porch door , to see Socks crammed into the corner of the porch , held down by one of the bobcat 's huge paws . They both looked up at me . I didn 't want to threaten the bobcat into attacking me , but I had to make it let go of my kitty , so I reached down and tapped it lightly on the side . That startled it into letting go of Socks . She dashed into the house , and the bobcat jumped off the porch and stood there watching me . I didn 't want it hanging around to possibly attack my kitties again , so I ran outside yelling and waving my arms , and it trotted off around the house . I chased it twice around the house , until it finally took off down the road . I found Socks hiding in the kitchen under the cabinets . I let her stay there until she felt like coming out the next day . The whole side of her face was swollen where the bobcat had whacked her head , and her eye got infected from a small puncture wound near her eye , but she recovered completely after that . She also decided at that point that I was okay , and we became friends . Sadly , I lost Felix when he was about a year and four months old . Socks really missed her brother , but even worse , without Felix around , Spot started to harass Socks terribly . I started keeping her inside all the time so Spot couldn 't chase her away , and I was constantly breaking up fur - tearing fights , and poor Socks was so stressed , she was peeing and pooping everywhere . Finally , one day , I shut Socks in my spare bedroom with a litter box and food and water , just to get a little peace and quiet . I figured she 'd be crying to be let out soon enough and I 'd open the door then , but she never did . In fact , she seemed much happier to have a space of her own without that big old bully always after her . So from then on , she had her own room . I visited her every day , but I did worry a bit about her being alone most of the time . I remembered how much she loved her brother , and thought she might like a friend , so in 2006 , I got another cat from my brother 's ranch , Jerry . Unfortunately , it turned out Socks didn 't want another friend . She didn 't want anything to do with Jerry . Thankfully , they didn 't fight , but they never got to be close , either . Two years ago , I lost my heart kitty , Spot . I still miss my big orange buddy , but with him gone , there was no reason to keep the girls shut in their room any longer , so I opened the door and let them come out into the rest of the house . After a couple of days of wondering what all this new space was about , Socks decided she was queen of the house , and claimed it as her own . As she got older , Socks started having some difficult health problems . She developed stomatitis and had to have her teeth pulled , and she was put on prednisolone . She absolutely hated taking medicine , and wasn 't eating reliably enough to put meds in her food , but fortunately we were able to get the pred in a transdermal gel I could rub on her ear flap , and she grew to tolerate that . Later , she developed hypercalcemia , which is often a symptom of lymphoma . Many tests , including a biopsy , couldn 't find any sign of lymphoma , so we just treated her high calcium with weekly Fosamax pills . She didn 't like that at all , either , but at least it was only once a week ! And for a while , it controlled her hypercalcemia , and she was doing pretty well . Then , earlier this summer , she started throwing up a lot and losing weight . Again , the vet couldn 't find anything wrong in exams and blood tests , so he thought it was just a side effect of the meds she was on , and put her on an anti - nausea med . That was a liquid she had to take every day . She really hated that , and it became a bit of a daily battle to get it into her , but it did stop the vomiting and she started doing better again . Fortunately , she didn 't hold a grudge , and five minutes after the hated syringe of medicine , she 'd be in my lap purring up a storm . This past weekend , she suddenly stopped eating , and spent all day Saturday hiding in the cat tree . I thought if she wasn 't better the next day , I 'd take her to the vet on Monday . On Sunday , she sat in my lap for a little while , but didn 't purr and didn 't seem like she could get comfortable . When she jumped down , she suddenly started howling in pain . I decided I 'd better not wait , so I bundled her up and drove her to the emergency vet 50 miles away . Turned out she had a huge tumor in her abdomen , and was severely anemic , probably due to internal bleeding from the tumor . It seems likely now that she did have lymphoma all along , but it hid from detection until it was too late . Treatment would have required surgery , which she might not have survived because she was so sick , and which wouldn 't have had a high chance of success anyway . So I decided to let her go . I used to call her my fussy little diva . She wanted everything just so , and she would let you know if things weren 't to her liking . If she didn 't think she was getting enough attention , she was inclined to stop eating . The food she liked one day she refused to touch the next day . When she sat in my lap , I was required to stop whatever else I was doing and stay still and pet her - just enough , but not too much - or she 'd jump off and run away . She terrorized the pet sitter and hid from guests . She 'd prowl the house at night , knocking things off counters , and playing loudly with her toys at 5 AM . Sometimes she drove me crazy , but I loved her dearly . Today is 49 days since my kitty Spot died . There is a Buddhist belief that after someone dies , they will spend up to 49 days in a transition state called " bardo " before moving on to the next life . So relatives and friends of the dead will continue to pray and make offerings for them for 49 days , to try to help them achieve an auspicious rebirth . I wanted to post a memorial to Spot right away , but it was too hard to look at pictures of him and think about him . I thought maybe after one month I would post , but after a month I still couldn 't do it . So then I thought I would post after 49 days . I don 't know if the 49 day bardo applies to animals , too , but if it does , then today Spot is off to a new life . I hope it is a good one for him , and that his suffering is less than it was in his past life . And , I appear to have a cat . Several other people had spotted it before I finally met it on Thursday . A nice big orange tabby . He was a bit skittish , but quite friendly once he finally decided to come out and say hi . Apparently he 's been living under the house . There was some cat food left there , and I put some out for him , and my brother said he would stop by every couple of days to put out some more , so I 'm hoping he 'll be okay until I can move down for good . ( I remember trying to take that picture : Spot kept trying to climb my leg , he was so eager to be petted and loved , I couldn 't get him to stay on the ground to be photographed . Poor guy had been mostly on his own all winter . I 'd been driving down for the weekend every other week or so , and putting out food for him when I was here , but otherwise he had to feed himself with whatever mice and squirrels and such he could find . ) Then yesterday , I was sitting on the couch near the doors that lead out to the deck , and I thought I heard a meow . And there he was , complaining loudly and demanding food and skritches . " I 'm glad you 're here ! " I said . " Now you can catch that mouse that 's been running around . " So it seems I have a cat . Or he has me . Since it looks like he 's here for good , I figured I 'd better give him a name . I 'm calling him Spot , after Data 's cat . At first , he was an outdoor kitty . He 'd been used to living outdoors , and I was still dealing with pretty bad cat allergies , so I didn 't think I could bring him inside . Of course , he had other plans - it was hot in the summer , and I 'd leave the door open , and the screen door didn 't always latch , and he was perfectly capable of opening the screen door and strolling in . Usually , I 'd pick him up and take him back outside . But he 'd come right back in if he had the chance , acting like he owned the place . I 'd go outside and sit on the porch with him . I remember that summer , spending mornings on the porch with my coffee and Gameboy , playing Yu - Gi - Oh ! games while Spot twined around me and purred . Such perfect , golden mornings ! I hadn 't had a cat since high school , since I 'd developed such horrible cat allergies I could barely be in the same room with one , and although I 've always loved cats , I spent thirty years without one . Then I moved here , and there he was ! The decision made for me : I had a cat . In late June or so , I got a couple of kittens from my brother 's ranch : Miss Socks and her brother , Felix . Unfortunately , Spot did not want kittens in his space . After a couple of days , he took off and was gone for over a week . I was almost ready to give the kittens back , but finally , Spot came back ! I was sooooo happy ! I took him into the house and let him stay there after that . I left the back door propped open for the rest of the summer so Spot could come and go as he pleased . He mostly stayed indoors or behind the house , while the kitties stayed in the front , and an uneasy truce was maintained . A year later , though , Felix went out hunting and never came back . After that , things deteriorated between him and Socks . I suppose he thought he 'd finally gotten rid of one of those pesky kittens , so now he 'd get rid of the other one ! And Socks was always hostile towards Spot , too , unlike Felix , who loved everybody and everything and was on his way toward making Spot his friend . When I had the three kitties , Felix acted as a sort of buffer between Socks and Spot . Without him , Spot terrorized Socks until she was peeing everywhere , and I was breaking up fights several times a day . Finally , I put her in the back room - where I 'd already set up food and water dishes and a litter box for her , so she could eat and pee in peace most of the time - and closed the door . I thought she 'd be meowing to be let out after a while , but she never did . She seemed to enjoy having a room of her own , safe from that mean old orange kitty . So she lived in there , and Spot had the rest of the house to himself . After a while , I thought Socks must be lonely living in a room by herself most of the time , so I got Jerry to keep Socks company . It turned out that Socks didn 't really want any company . She tolerated Jerry , but they never got to be friends . Spot was a very affectionate kitty , once he got comfortable wtih me . He liked to sit on my lap for hours - and he 'd get mad if I tried to pick him up and move him off me . He 'd never really learned to get along with people as a kitten , and he could be rough sometimes . He 'd take a swipe at me or even bite me if he didn 't want to be moved . I finally figured out that the only way to get up without having him swipe at me was to just stand up and dump him off my lap . Same if I wanted to sit down and he was in my spot - I couldn 't pick him up and move him , I 'd just sit half on top of him and he 'd jump up and run off . But if I picked him up and held him , he 'd snuggle against me and grip my shoulder with his paws and purr and let me walk around with him and even dance him around . He loved to be hugged and snuggled and petted . He 'd come when I called , most of the time . I remember one time , I was standing on the porch and he was outside down near the road . Just to see what he 'd do , I called , " Here Kitty , Kitty , Kitty . " He looked up at me , then took off running toward me as fast as he could go , across the yard and up onto the porch and right to me . I petted him and told him he was a good kitty ! If I wanted him to sit with me , I could call him and pat the seat beside me or my lap and he 'd jump right up . I often wondered how such an excellent cat came to be living as a stray at my house . I thought maybe someone had abandoned him there . It wasn 't until several years later that I found out his story : one day while I was out , my mom was at my place outside in the yard with Spot when the neighbor up the road drove by . Our neighbor recognized Spot and told my mom that she 'd taken in Spot and his brother as kittens when their owner didn 't want them . But Spot and his brother kitty didn 't get along , and eventually Spot 's brother chased him away . The neighbor thought he 'd probably been eaten by a coyote or a bobcat , and was surprised and glad to see him still alive and in a happy home . He was clearly a very smart and savvy cat , to be able to survive on his own all that time , until I could come and give him a home . But that explained why he 'd never learned to get along with other cats , if his own littermate had chased him away . When I talked to him , he seemed to understand what I was saying . He didn 't talk much , but when he did , you could tell it was because he had something to say . He 'd look me right in the eye and meow like he expected me to know exactly what he meant . He could open doors if they weren 't latched - he 'd hook his foot around the screen door or a cupboard door and pull it open . Or , if it opened in , he 'd just put his big , hard head against it and push it open . Sometimes he 'd go inside a cupboard and check things out . I 'd wonder where he was and go around the house opening cupboard doors , and he 'd stroll out like he belonged there . My mom likes to tell the story of the time he came next door to get her to come to my place and let him in . This is how it happened : after she moved in next door to me , he 'd go up and visit her now and then . Sometimes I 'd let him outside when I left for the library in the morning , and then later she 'd drive into town and get the mail . On her way home , she 'd stop at my place to drop off my mail , and she 'd let Spot in the house . One day , though , I didn 't have any mail , so she drove on by and went home . But when she got there , Spot was waiting for her on her porch . He 'd seen her drive by and went next door to get her . He started down the hill to my place , stopping and turning to make sure she was following . Once he saw she was coming , he took off back home . When she got to my place , he was waiting by the door for her . So she opened the door so he could go inside . He loved to hunt mice and squirrels and lizards and anything else he could get , and generally he ate what he caught . One summer , he went out every morning and caught himself a chipmunk and brought it up onto the porch to eat . He 'd eat it on the porch doormat , consuming everything but the tail . After he was done , I 'd take the doormat and toss the tail down into the yard . After a month or so , I went down into the yard , and was startled to see it carpeted in chipmunk tails ! They were everywhere . If he could , he 'd sneak into the house with his prey . Then the mouse would get away from him and hide under the desk or the couch . He 'd lose interest and walk away - and I 'd be stuck with a rodent in the house ! I 'd tell him , you 're supposed to be keeping the mice out of the house , not bringing them in ! I 'd try to remember to check his mouth before opening the door for him , but sometimes I 'd forget . Eventually , he learned to dash past me and run into the bathroom with his prey . I 'd close the door and let him finish it off . I worried about him when he was out late , but he knew how to take care of himself , and always managed to avoid the coyotes and bobcats and other predators out there . What he couldn 't avoid were all the various health problems that plagued him . About a year after we moved in , he started coughing , but a steroid shot fixed him right up . The vet thought it was mild asthma . A year or so later , he started having trouble peeing . He had crystals in his urine that were blocking him . Putting him on special food fixed that . He got ear mites really bad one summer , and it took months of medicines and ear drops to finally clear them up . He got various injuries that had to be treated . But he was a tough guy and bounced right back from most everything . We evacuated three times for fires . The first time wasn 't really necessary - I 'd gotten spooked by a panicky neighbor and spent the night at my mom 's place in town . Whenever he was in a new place , he inspected it thoroughly , sniffing around and peering into every corner , until he was satisfied he knew where he was , and then he was fine . I remember my mom telling me that , while I was at work , at one point she couldn 't find Spot and was worried that he 'd gotten out . She looked all over her apartment , but couldn 't find him , until she opened the cupboard above the kitchen counter next to the refrigerator - and there he was , looking out at her ! He 'd apparently thought it was a good place to hang out . The second time was for the West Fire - the one that started a quarter of a mile from my place and burned half our mountain . Mom had moved up next door to me by then , so both of us and our cats packed up and went to my brother 's place . At first , we put Spot in one of the rabbit hutches . He didn 't like that at all , and spent most of the time sitting in his litter box . The third time was the Canyon Fire , when we lost our home . This time , we stayed in my brother 's guest house , and Spot had the run of the place . Once he 'd checked everything out , he was pretty comfortable in the place . In the Sept . 9 , 2011 post , Life Goes On , I wrote : Sleeping on the fold - out bed in my brother 's guest house with my kitty curled up next to me purring , I thought , he doesn 't care that the house is gone . He 's happy because he has me . A safe place to stay , food and water , someone who loves him to snuggle up with at night . That 's all he needs . So I take a lesson from my kitty . I have everything I need . All will be well . After the fire , we moved in with my mom while I got my place cleared off and a new home built . We fixed up her back porch for the girls , Socks and Jerry , so Spot could have the run of the house . He was familiar with her house , having visited many times before , so he didn 't have to get used to a totally new place . On the other hand , he also knew that his own house was right next door , if only he could get to it ! He snuck outside many times during the first few months , trying to go home , but we mostly got him back in fairly easily . One time , though , he was gone for hours , and came back with soot up to his knees . He 'd been out exploring , and apparently realized finally that his house was gone , and we didn 't have too much trouble keeping him in after that . He didn 't really like being at my mom 's place , though . He complained a lot , got very clingy and irritable . That was also when he first started having kidney problems . Probably his heart trouble was developing then , too , although we didn 't realize it at the time . When we got into our new house , though , he relaxed and was much happier . He seemed to know he was home , even though the house was different . I think he realized it was in the same place . He only spent a few days checking things out before he settled right in . We had a little over a year in our new home . I 'd noticed he was losing weight , and he was coughing a lot more , and things went quickly downhill from there . His last few months were stressful and difficult , and I don 't want to dwell on them . We had eleven good years together - not enough , but then , it never is . |
After my last post in December , things were pretty good . I still had my crappy job , but I was riding high on the holiday festivities . Goodies to bake , presents to buy and make , presents to wrap , things to plan . Alex and I went on our first big date in a while and went to Basbeaux 's pizza and then the zoo , where we got to admire the pretty Christmas lights and see what little animals were out . Then , there was Christmas . Mom flew down to Texas to visit her side of the family because for the first time ever , they had everyone down in Texas for Christmas - except for me . I had to work on the night of the 23rd . I got off work at 5 : 00 in the morning on Christmas Eve and drove the three hours down to my dad 's house . I nearly passed out on the front porch because I was so tired . When I went upstairs to sleep , however , that didn 't go over so well . I felt bad because my brothers and my youngest cousin were playing and they had to be told multiple times to be quiet because I was trying to sleep . Of course , with fifteen other people , two dogs , and two cats in a house , sleeping during the day just doesn 't work . I somehow made it through Christmas Eve without passing out , though . Christmas overall was good . I wished that it had lasted a little longer , as the day after , everyone left my dad 's house - including my brothers . I had originally wanted to stay and hang out with them , but with that news , I decided to leave as well . Presents were fine , though sometimes I wish my family understood me more . I 'm not the kind of girl who needs or wants two televisions in her house , nor am I the type of girl who needs the newest and best everything . My phone isn 't a smartphone , my laptop is going on five years and it might be on its last legs , but I 'm not rushing out to buy a new laptop … Anyway , so yeah . There was some awkwardness , to say the least . After leaving my dad 's , I drove up to Alex 's house and celebrated Christmas with him and his parents . I had to go back to work on that Tuesday night , so it was quite the whirlwind Christmas visit and it hurt . Yes , I know I 'm a young adult and this is a part of growing up , but still . I don 't want to be lonely . I was actually lucky to get the night off for my own birthday party . Two weeks beforehand , she had put me on the schedule for the 31st when I had been planning this party a month beforehand . I know that bosses don 't have to ask to schedule your times , but when I had previously been under the impression that I would have that night off ( it was a voluntary sign - up sheet and I hadn 't signed it ) , I was greatly annoyed to see that I was scheduled . Lucky for me , the part - time guy wasn 't a jerk ( for once ) and took over for my shift . I was so happy . I didn 't have to ring in the New Year and my birthday in a place I hated with all my being , and I had one awesome party . It was such a good night , even though the oven went out the night before and I had to run over to Nick 's house and bake my birthday cupcakes at his house . Yeah , that was a fun story . Our garage door and the opener went kaput the day before that , too . Anyway , so January was okay . My birthday was fun , we finally had our Secret Santa exchange , I got sick with what I am pretty sure was the flu , and Mom and I went over to Ohio to see my grandparents . That was a fun visit , let me tell you . I got home at 6 : 00 in the morning and we had to leave two and a half hours later . I basically went for twenty - seven hours on two hours of sleep . However , it was actually a great time . We went to an art museum and saw a huge exhibit on Norman Rockwell , and then ate dinner at an Irish pub where I had the best beef stew in a bread bowl . I seriously wish that place wasn 't hours away , it was so good . This month is shaping up to be pretty good so far . We watched the Super Bowl and bored the crap out of my boyfriend . We ate good food , though ! I 'm reading more , writing , working out . I 'm happier . I can breathe easier . I can 't remember the last time I cried . Seriously . It 's been so long since I had that uncontrollable wave of sadness . No , I don 't have another job lined up , but I 'm searching . There was only so much I could take . Driving for one and a half hours a night , paying at least fifty bucks , if not more , a week for my gas ( and that 's only if I drove to work ) , and a few other factors worked into my decision . My family and friends have been pretty supportive about it , except for my grandpa . I mean , I know where he is coming from , but he doesn 't understand the magnitude of anguish I had been going through these past few months . He was there for Thanksgiving , he should have had some idea . Sure , I wish I had some form of income right now , but my mental and physical health is not worth ten dollars an hour . Either that job had to go , or I am pretty sure I would eventually have had either an aneurysm or a heart attack at the age of 23 . I know it was a risk to leave , but I am confident I will find something better . December 5 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : Christmas , family , happiness , home , life , love , movies , Muppets , winter , work | Leave a comment It has been eight days since my last bout of uncontrollable crying . So … progress ! I am also happy to report that this is not the result of any prescription , but is completely natural . I have not felt sad . I 've felt a little angry because of some things that are happening at my job , but not sad . It has been a good past week . Last Sunday , I got to visit with Jennifer and her newly adopted kitty , Sadie , before Jennifer had to return to school . It was so great to see her , because I hadn 't since my Labor Day party . We just sat and talked for a few hours ( and I fawned over her Sadie because I really wish I was in the position where I could adopt an animal right now ) , and I think that 's some of what I needed - just some social interaction . Alex came up last Monday after he got off work and stayed the night . I made turkey broccoli fettuccine and garlic bread , we watched television together , played Words with Friends on his phone , and ran out to get Blizzards from Dairy Queen . I accidentally fell asleep on the couch with him , and I ended up going to bed at 10 : 00 . Again , I was sort of lame and we didn 't do much , but all I needed was to be around him , and I felt better . Tuesday , my day was pretty normal . I hung out in my pajamas , watched television , and knitted . I laid down for a nap around1 : 30 , aiming to sleep until 4 : 30 . I woke up at 5 : 00 when Mom came home . I had enough time , though , to take my shower and get dressed . We had dinner at IHOP , where I had pumpkin praline pancakes with eggs , bacon , and hash browns . Then , Mom and I went to the movie theater to see The Muppets . The clerk said we had missed the first twelve minutes because there is a discrepancy between the times on the mall website and a normal Google search , apparently . We still took the chance ( and got a discount on our tickets ) , and it was perfect . We didn 't miss any of the movie , just the previews and the Pixar short before it . There were only two other people in the theater . And the movie ? It was magical . I would say that if you are a person who has ever enjoyed the Muppets , you would enjoy the new movie . They 've done a wonderful job of mixing the old material with the new , the cameos were great ( Neil Patrick Harris , Alan Alda , and Jim Parsons FTW ) and there were several times where I was in a laughing fit . I am certain that I was grinning from ear to ear the entire film . At the end of the movie , there 's a bit that might make you tear up a little . Not because it 's sad , but because it 's such a display of how the Muppets will always be in the hearts of those who grew up with them in their households ( like my mom and myself ) , and there is room for them in the hearts of generations to come . I could hear my mom sniffling next to me , and I reached out to pat her leg , as I understood what she was feeling . Then I shed a few tears myself , because I felt like it was okay to . These weren 't tears of frustration , pain , and sorrow like they have been , but tears of love , for beloved characters I was glad to welcome back The rest of my week has been pretty decent . I 've wrapped the majority of my presents and put them under the tree ( why yes , I am an overachiever ) , Mom and I have figured out what Christmas goodies we are making , and then we took our Christmas card picture . Yes , that 's right . We have a bunch of Christmas cards with photo frames , and since this might be the last Christmas my mom and I have while living under the same roof ( as I 'm hoping to move out next year ) , we took a Christmas picture together to put in our cards for the first time EVER . Yeah , this Christmas season has been full of weird twists this year , and it 's not over yet . My nights at work have been okay . We haven 't been too busy . I loathe Thursdays and Fridays , but once I get over that little hump , I only have to work Saturday night until I 'm free . This past Saturday night was a nightmare . We were not only full , but a lot of my co - workers on other shifts neglect to pass messages on to other shifts , or they don 't pay attention and it trickles down to our shift . I was so glad when my relief came in on Sunday morning . It was one of those mornings I was surprised I made it home because I was so tired , and I 'm surprised I just didn 't lose control of myself because it was just such a long night . When I came home , Mom just pulled monkey bread muffins out of the oven . Even though I probably shouldn 't have , I ate three and then went to bed . I woke up in the afternoon , got ready , and Alex showed up . We ran to Goodwill because I was trying to find something for a project with no success , and when we returned to my house , we had dinner . We didn 't do much , but I did have him try on the sock that I 've been knitting for him and finally figured out how I can make them fit him . I will try finishing that up today so maybe I can actually finish the pair of socks before our anniversary - or , even better , before the end of this year ! Alex and I cuddled and played one of the games we used to play when we were first dating - a line of questions . We went camping once and walked around in the woods , just tossing questions back and forth about our favorite childhood memories and books and Thanksgiving traditions . This time , we asked Christmas - themed questions , even though we knew some of the answers already . However , I think we were meant to be when I asked him what his favorite Christmas movie was and he said that it was Love , Actually though he also likes the original animated How the Grinch Stole Christmas . My sentiments exactly . In the past few years , Christmas has made me miserable with everything we 've had to do and all the presents I 've had to make , but this year , I think it has brought me a sense of comfort that I 've needed for a while . I look forward to the next few weeks full of Secret Santa trades ( OMG SOCIALIZING WITH MY FRIENDS ! ) , actually allowing Christmas music in my car , holiday baking , and finishing up the rest of my gift buying / making and wrapping . Before I know it , I will hopefully be in Lexington , celebrating with my family . November 29 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : anxiety , depression , family , Thanksgiving , work | Leave a comment The day before Thanksgiving , I had an invitation to a party . I wanted to go , I really did . But because I had so little time on Thanksgiving Day to make my pumpkin soup appetizer and my double chocolate pecan pie , I had to do them the night before . I got stressed out about the crust on the pie . It shouldn 't have made me freak out , but I did when I realized I had to redo the crust or else I wouldn 't be able to put the filling in . My inherent need for perfectionism made me lose it . I cried . Mom tried to console me , said she would bake the pie and make the soup while I should go to the party . But I knew she had so much cooking and cleaning to do for the event , and I should help her . I didn 't finish the soup and pie until 9 : 00 . If I had gone to the party , I might have had an hour to socialize before I had to leave for work , and that wasn 't going to work . I hadn 't seen the people I knew would be at the party for months , and I would want to be there for longer than an hour . So I didn 't go , and I drove to work with a lonely heart . I would say Thanksgiving was nice . Not the best , but all right . Mom was cleaning when I got home that morning , I ate , crawled into bed , and I didn 't wake up again until a little after 2 : 00 when I got a text . I tried to go back to sleep , but then I started having hunger pangs . I rolled out of bed . Grandma and Grandpa had arrived , , and they were all very apologetic because they thought they were being loud . I had to explain , " No , it 's not that . I 'm just hungry . " Luckily for me , they were snacking . I had some sweet pickles , black olives , crackers , and cheese . Then , since I figured I wasn 't going back to sleep any time soon , I took my shower . After that , I hung around for a bit . I have no doubt in my mind my mother briefed my grandparents on what has been going on . I hear her whispering sometimes about me to them when they visit . I figured that , in their hours before my awakening , they heard the truth about how I feel about my job , and how I have not been myself at all . That remark really put a sour taste in my mouth . I just simply replied , " No , I 'm not thankful for my job . I 'd rather be spending time with my family and friends . " My mouth was shut for the remainder of dinner , for fear that if I opened it for even the slightest response , I 'd bust and the well of emotions would come out again . I only ate single helpings of everything but the cranberry relish , because even though I like cranberries , I just really didn 't feel like having it . I excused myself from the table early because I was feeling tired , and I crawled back into bed for another hour . A call from my dad wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving awoke me . I just wish I could have a conversation bearing happy or good news , rather than the , " I 've got work . There 's nothing else going on in my life right now because I have no life . " answer I seem to give every time we talk anymore . Friday was worse . I came home after my nine - hour shift ( that was actually a little longer because my relief came in ten minutes late . Apparently being punctual doesn 't extend to all employees ) . My mom had made me a breakfast sandwich , which I ate while crying . I went to bed shortly afterward . I woke up and started to cry , so I ducked into the shower to disguise it . Mom and I had already put the Christmas tree up , but she got the ornaments and other decorations out while I was sleeping . We ordered pizza and decked the halls while waiting for the delivery guy . Our tree looks lovely . Before we ate dinner , Mom told me she had a surprise for me . I was led out to the outside of our house , where Christmas lights lined the roof of our house . For the record , I cannot remember the last time we had Christmas lights on our house . My dad and mom did it at least once when they were married , but that was over seventeen years ago . Mom and Paul never decorated the two houses we lived in , and we 've been in this house for seven years and never put lights on it . We 've always been so busy , or Mom knows how much work it is to put them up there . I 've looked at other decorated houses with envy for years , and now , even though it is quite simple , I have Christmas lights on my house . " We just wanted to make you happy , baby , " my mom said . It did . I mean , I was incredibly grateful for the time and thought that my mom and grandparents put into decorating our house . That was the problem , though . It just made me want to stay at home with them even more . We ate dinner and watched Tangled , and everything was good . But after the movie ended , Mom , Grandma , and Grandpa played a game of Rummikub while I had an hour before I had to leave for work . I was going to have a slice of my chocolate pecan pie , but after I got the plate and the pie out , I started crying . I lost my appetite and put them back . I just went ahead and put my uniform on , and tried not to say anything . My mom stopped me by the door before I was to go . She asked if I was okay , and I lost it . I couldn 't stop sobbing . She pulled me close to her and let me cry . For the first time in a long time , she didn 't yell at me or make me feel like a failure . I barely made it out of the house , for I was overcome with so much emotion and pain . I don 't even know how I made it to work because my eyes were so blurry with tears . There was a moment when I looked up and realized , with a little confusion , that I was already at my exit and hadn 't noticed how close I was to it . When I thought I had cried so much that nothing else would come out , there were fresh wet spots on my green scarf . If the police had pulled me over , they would have thought someone had died . My Saturday was relatively good . I came home early , ate breakfast , and crawled into bed . Mom woke me up around 11 : 30 , which mean I got about five hours of sleep . I felt pretty good . I got ready and we were out the door and down at the shopping center by 1 : 00 . We ate at McAllister 's Deli , and then we walked around and went into stores . Mom and Grandma wanted to hit nearly every women 's clothing store . Grandpa stood outside . I felt bad for the guy . I did buy something , but it was technically Mom 's purchase before I decided I 'd pay for it so she didn 't have to put it on her credit card . It has gone from an immediate gratification purchase to being her birthday present . However , I didn 't buy anything for myself , nor did anyone buy anything for me . In the stores , Mom and Grandma would say , " Isn 't that nice ? What do you think about this ? " and I had to tell the truth : " It 's nice , I like it , but I can 't justify having it . I would have no place to wear it to , or I might wear it once . " I know this job isn 't permanent , that I 'm not going to work here forever , but it feels like I will . When I have two pairs of work pants ( which are technically my two pairs of nice khaki pants that are getting stains on them because my manager still hasn 't ordered my work pants ) and three shirts , why bother ? I spent so much money last year on professional clothes to use for teaching or a nice little office job , and I hardly wear any of it . I looked at so many nice items while shopping , but I knew that it would all be money wasted . I tried to find a few gifts to complete my Christmas shopping list , but I didn 't succeed at that , either . For the most part , though , the gifts I need to make or buy are done . Why yes , I am an overachiever . After walking around in the open air ( and in the air of the stores ) , we went to Orange Leaf . Grandma and Grandpa had never heard of it , and since a new store opened in Noblesville a few weeks ago , we went . It was good , as always . Then we came home and I took a two - hour nap , which refreshed me just enough . We had little snacks and watched The Fantastic Mr . Fox , which I had been wanting to watch for a few days . The DVD skipped a little , but it still worked , and it was a nice night . Mom , Grandma , and Grandpa played a game while I did some knitting . I had some coffee and a slice of my double chocolate pecan pie before I had to get into my uniform and go to work . Everything , for the most part , went well . I was only a little upset when I had to leave , and then when I got to work I sat in the parking lot and cried a little bit , but I pulled myself together and came in . It was a fairly uneventful night , thank goodness . I did cry a little , though I think I hid it well from my co - worker . November 28 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : depression , life , work | Leave a comment There 's a reason why I haven 't been writing . Well , two . One reason is the fact that nothing exciting has actually been happening in my life . If I were to do a pie chart of my typical week , 33 . 3 % of it would be spent sleeping . Approximately 41 . 6 % would be spent working and commuting to and from work , approximately 2 . 9 % of it would be spent seeing Alex , as I only see him once a week . Therefore , 22 . 2 percent is devoted to everything else in my life - eating , hygiene , and getting on the computer to check my e - mail or search for another job . It sucks . But what sucks even worse is the second reason why I have not been posting here . I haven 't been feeling like myself since I went on the night shift . About a month ago , Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half wrote a post that summed up a great deal of my own feelings , and that is of depression . It is a little comforting that I am not alone in the world in suffering from depression , and yet , it is not comforting . It 's terrible . Now , my own depression is not necessarily like Allie 's , for people deal with their emotions and their illnesses differently . For example , let 's say … a roommate . My roommate gets sick . Just a little cold . She over exaggerates her symptoms and buys things and medications she will never use , and she claims she 's dying but it 's a minor cold that she gets over in a day or two . Me ? I get sick and I ignore it . The symptoms come up and I think I 'm tough . I am the Clint Eastwood of illnesses , or so I 'd like to believe . What doesn 't kill me makes me stronger . I don 't take medication because for the most part , it doesn 't work . I once suffered through a sinus infection for three months . The only time where a regular sickness turned me into one of those typical kids who go off to college and calls their mom to come up and help them . That was because I got the flu , and I was so weak my legs barely got me to the bathroom - and even then , they crumpled under me like a lawn chair outside the bathroom door and I had to wait a minute or two until I could use the wall to get me on my feet again . Even though that was a long - winded tirade , it 's pretty much the same way I 've dealt with my anxiety issues , and they 've built up into a detrimental change in my behavior . I have had anxiety issues for a long , long , time , and it didn 't help that in college , I underwent a great amount of stress with my workload , dealt with bullying from a peer , and then was ultimately failed by the university I had entrusted with providing me with a quality education . I was also lied to by society . I 'm not a perfect little snowflake . The things I love and are good at are not useful in actually earning money , and even though money can 't buy you happiness , it can give you a sense of security , especially when you have bills to pay , a car to keep running , student loans to pay off , or you take care of another person ( the last one I actually don 't do , I 'm just giving an example ) . Security is the second tier of Maslow 's Hierarchy of Needs . However , while I do earn money in my employment , I do not get one very crucial part of that hierarchy that I once had : a sense of love and belonging . I live with my mother . Besides her , the only other people I interact with are my co - workers who are all older than me , guests as they check in / out or inquire about something they need , and I get calls and texts from Alex - and , again , if I 'm lucky , I see him on Sundays when I 'm off for a few hours . But other than that , I don 't have people I interact with . I spend two hours commuting when I work - alone , in a car . I sleep while everyone is at work or in class , and I 'm working when they 're sleeping or having fun on the weekends . Basically , I went from being at the top of Maslow 's Hierarchy to being near the bottom . So there . On top of my long - ignored anxiety issues , I have lost so much of myself and what I had before . Even if my friends want to invite me to something , I probably wouldn 't be able to make it because of my job , and I know that everyone else has work and school during the day on Mondays through Fridays , so my chances of getting out of the house and doing anything fun are slim . I don 't even know what fun is anymore . When Alex and I get together , I never know what to do . I am lame , I am boring , and I am sad and mopey all the time . Which just makes it worse . The aura of perpetual self - loathing hangs around me , making me a miserable person to be around . I feel like a monster has taken control of my body and I can 't get rid of it . I just want to be who I once was , whoever she is . October 31 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : baking , geekery , halloween , life , movies , pumpkins , work | Leave a comment I am not going to go into lengthy detail about how my job is going . It has its nights of merit , but it just seems like there is a lot of drama going on . Overall , it 's still a decent job . I like the tasks I have to do , and I have the chance to move around a lot rather than sit in a chair for eight hours . I don 't mind the commute most days . I like listening to one of the radio shows that 's on while I drive to work between 9 : 00 to 11 : 00 at night . It 's just lonely sometimes , and every once in a while I wish I could have Fridays and Saturdays off or Saturdays and Sundays off so I could have the chance to visit with my friends or family . I get to see Alex once a week . Sundays are usually our days . But it still isn 't ideal because he works Monday morning . I can 't wait until we are able to move . I 'm crossing my fingers for March . While I went down to visit him the last two weekends , Alex came to visit today . We were both a little tired , but we talked , watched part of a terrible movie ( The Happening - what the hell is up with that movie ? ) , decorated some Halloween cookies , and ate chili . We also cuddled under blankets because even though my house 's furnace was replaced in the past month or so , we haven 't turned the heat on yet . After stepping outside after my shift this morning and finding my car covered in frost ( I happened to be wearing only my uniform and a jean jacket ) , I feel we should reconsider . After he left , I went back to carving a pumpkin . Mom and I went to a local farm a few weeks ago and picked out a humongous gourd . Mom tore it right off the vine and tried to carry it out of the pumpkin patch , but it wore her out and I had to run and fetch a wagon to take it to the cashier . Anyway , it sat there for a bit , and eventually I got the inspiration for my carving . I used to never be a fan of horror films , though during the month of October , it is somewhat difficult to avoid . Freddy Krueger is , in my opinion , one of the most frightening of slasher - film villains and he has even haunted my nightmares ( though of course , I 've woken up from those … ) . I prefer my zombies to shamble though I don 't mind if they run , and my vampires most definitely don 't sparkle . Mom and I have been watching a lot of recent thriller and horror movies lately , and that 's been fun . I think my favorite was the original Let the Right One In . The ending was so abrupt and disturbing , yet in a way , endearing in reference to Oscar and Eli 's relationship . Oh wait , anyway , I got off track . I swear I have a point to this rambling . So in my junior year of high school , I got my wisdom teeth removed around Halloween . I didn 't put together a costume , or at least I don 't remember having one . I went to a Halloween party the day after I had the surgery , and my friends said I just sat around , staring off into space and occasionally giggling . Also , I kept saying , " You 've got red on you , " to a guy dressed up like Shaun from Shaun of the Dead . I seriously only remember saying it once . While I was recovering from having my wisdom teeth out , I sat around on the couch a lot . It was before I took up knitting , so I didn 't do any of that , but we rented some movies . I had heard about Evil Dead and was curious , and that was on top of the video stack as well as Evil Dead II and the adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis 's The Rules of Attraction . I may or may not have watched American Psycho around that time , too . Anyway , I just remember watching the Evil Dead movies and I was so confused with the second one because I was doped up and couldn 't tell the difference between Evil Dead and Evil Dead II except the second one was funnier . But I liked it . I thought it was weird and Bruce Campbell was cool . Eventually I got my hands on Army of Darkness , and I loved it . It was hilarious . I did an econ project my senior year of high school where I examined the film industry and what considerations have to go into making a movie , specifically a low - budget horror movie . I have watched Army of Darkness many times , and on my graduation from college , I wore a " Hail to the King , Baby " button on my gown . By the way , I actually didn 't realize I would have Halloween night off until last Sunday . With my old schedule , I would have been working . I wish I had noticed sooner , though . I 'm not going to go through with making a costume this year . Reduce , reuse , recycle , they say . It should be fun , though . I 'm going to go up north and hang out with some friends for Rocky Horror . I haven 't really seen anyone besides Alex for about a month . Oh , mature adult world , why do you have to suck sometimes ? October 13 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : books , geekery , identity , life , movies , music , television shows , work | Leave a comment Well , it 's been an interesting turn of events . Okay , not really that interesting . I am currently writing this in my town 's public library , using their wireless Internet access because ours at home have gone kaput . We don 't know why , it was slow last night and then , when we tried to fix it , we completely lost it . My mom called my Uncle Dave , who set it up , and he thinks it might have to do with the provider , but it 's been a day and it 's still not working . I texted Alex and told him we had no Internet and it was like DEFCON 5 at my house . He corrected me on my botched Wargames reference . It is in fact , a DEFCON 1 situation . I hate to say how reliant we are on the Internet nowadays , but we are . My mom does the majority of her schoolwork online , which is good for her because she can plan out when she does her homework . Unfortunately , I think she has something due tonight and that 's why we 're here . I wanted the Internet only so I could check my e - mail ( which is probably junk ) and I could write my 750 words for the day , since I have a good 115 day streak going and I am hesitant to just let it slip through my fingers . I just hope we can make it home in time to see the new episode of The Big Bang Theory . One of my nerdcrushes Wil Wheaton is on it again tonight , and I can 't miss that . Otherwise , I haven 't really needed the Internet . I 'm hoping to finish a Christmas present for one of my brothers tonight , and then I have a bunch of other Christmas knitting to work on . I 've even started reading again , though most of my reading is done at work . So that means that in a 738 - page book that I started three weeks ago , I 've gotten about 102 pages in . Oh well . I vow to get back into the reading habit . I have far too many books to let them go unread . The large tome I am working on is a collection of Rudyard Kipling 's horror and fantasy stories . I admittedly only bought it because I saw it had " The Mark of the Beast " in it , which I love , but I am quite interested at what I 've read so far . His language is a little hard to decipher at times , but that 's to be expected . Just wait until I get to my collection of Shakespeare - I 'm going to go out of my mind because of his workings on the English language . Also , I watch too much television . Mom and I got the first season of The Walking Dead and devoured it . We 're looking forward to the new season starting on Sunday . I 've recently gotten interested in It 's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and rediscovering South Park . My mother is not pleased . She also thinks I 'm weird . Anyway , nothing too exciting happening now . I 'm a young , employed , apparently responsible adult now . I have been working at the hotel for four weeks now , though I 've been in training for three . I actually enjoy my forty - five minute commute most days . I have noticed that the radio has a certain taste . It seemed like just about every time I was in the car either going to or coming from work , " Hotel California " would be playing . I don 't know if other hotel employees find that funny , but I thought it was hysterical . I have heard " In the Air Tonight " a lot , and that usually results in me belting out the lyrics and beating the drum part on my steering wheel . Also , Adele plays a lot , and though she has the most beautiful voice , there is only so many times I can take hearing " Rolling in the Deep " and " Someone Like You . " It 's such good music , but it makes me so sad and I really don 't have a reason to be sad right now . Well , okay , maybe one reason . They are now getting me on a regular schedule . I 'm going to have Sundays and Mondays off now instead of the proposed Thursdays and Fridays . That was my choice , though . I would much rather have Friday and Saturday off , but that 's not an option . I will , until some miracle happens , always work on Saturdays . So that sucks . I mean , I would be fine with my schedule , I just wish it didn 't seem like everyone I knew was in another time frame . I don 't know if I 'll actually get to visit my dad again until I have a year put in ( because that 's when I earn vacation time ) . My friend Jennifer wrote on my Facebook wall the other day saying I should come visit her , and I 'm just thinking , " Sure , but you 're still in school . You probably have classes or clinicals on Monday , so that 's probably not a good idea for me to come stay with you on Sunday … " but I really want to see her . Before I was employed , I wanted to be a responsible adult . I wanted ( and still want ) to move out and be on my own . I wanted to feel like I was mature , or well , actually acting my age instead of feeling like nothing changed since the four years since high school . So now that I have a job to go to , why does that make me feel so crappy ? I still don 't know what I want anymore , I guess . But yeah ! I got a job ! I found out over a week ago , started training on Tuesday . I 'm employed a front desk worker through a hotel and I think it will be an interesting experience . I have already learned a lot and have only been working for four days . My schedule has been switching around a lot , but eventually my regular shift will be the C - shift , better known as the " night shift " or " graveyard shift . " I keep joking that I 'm going to become a vampire . I think it will be a good opportunity for me and I think I will gain a lot from this experience . While the shift isn 't ideal , it 's something . I know that I won 't enjoy the weekends off like my friends and boyfriend will , but it 's something . I already can 't go to Christmas in Texas this year , but it 's something . The commute is an hour down and an hour back , but it 's something . I miss my free time , but it 's something . I needed to get out of the house and I needed to earn money , so it 's something . I am so happy to finally find a job after six months of sitting around and moping . I 'm here at my dad 's house , watching my brothers . David goes back to school tomorrow . He 's in sixth grade , at a special advanced school . He 'll be taking algebra I and Latin . My eleven - year - old brother is going to know Latin , and by the time he gets in high school , he 'll probably take more math than I ever did . Man , that just makes me feel stupid . At least I can make my own peanut butter and jelly sandwich and can remember to flush the toilet , but that 's not saying much . We don 't get along like we used to , and I feel bad about that , but David has had this recent habit of acting like a teenager and thinking the world revolves around him and he can do no wrong . He doesn 't listen . This morning , I told him to take the dog out front so he could relieve himself while I was getting breakfast together . When it was ready , I thought , " Well , it doesn 't take the dog that long , so I wonder how things are going . " I looked out the front door and couldn 't find David and Jock . I panicked . I ran out to the driveway and saw that David was a few houses down , near the bus stop . I yelled for him to come back . He said that he thought the dog could use a walk . That might have been a good idea , but only with someone else to accompany him . He has no concept of " Stranger Danger , " and that 's worrisome . I want to get along with David , but sometimes it is hard . We still have some good moments , though . The other day , I went upstairs and couldn 't find him anywhere . I called his name , and he didn 't answer . I eventually found him sitting in the empty master bathroom tub , reading the iPad , and listening to the radio with the door shut . Kids are so odd sometimes . Alex is going to be in third grade . He doesn 't start until next Wednesday , though . He 's very into Harry Potter now , which I like , but it 's more of the movie and Lego ties that he likes , not the books - which makes me sad . Oh well . He 's still freakin ' adorable . The other night , we were watching the end of Spaceballs before bed , and he was wearing Harry Potter robes . I went upstairs to get my laptop , and he said , " When you come downstairs and my hood is up , pretend I 'm invisible ! " It made me laugh so much . Besides watching my brothers , I 've been reading , exercising , writing , knitting , and job searching . Basically , the same things I do when I live with Mom . I have been exercising more , though , and it makes me feel good . I 'll probably do it after I finish writing this . With reading , I recently finished Bel Canto , which I think is probably my new favorite book ( My apologies to The Historian - You can be my runner - up , though ! ) . I finished it on Sunday , and there was this deep sadness within me ; I wanted to read more , and yet , I knew that there was no more . I felt for the characters , and I was moved by the beautiful writing . I wish I could write like that . I 'm re - reading The Sparrow now . I read it back in high school , a while ago . I don 't remember much of it , except for little parts . I found a copy of the book when I visited Jennifer in Bloomington once . There was a cool used bookstore there . Anyway , it 's interesting , but I think it 's harder to get into than the last book . I 'm currently knitting a pair of socks right now for the boy . It 's a easy , beautiful pattern , and I love the yarn , but I think I 'm going to run out . I should probably buy some more . I might just get some more for myself . Books and yarn - those are my biggest vices . As for job searching , it 's a bust . I got a call Friday about a position I applied to two months ago . I happened to be driving to my grandparents ' house at the time . I called back and left a message for the woman , but she was out of the office for the weekend . She called on Monday , completely ignoring the fact that I had stated in the message that I wouldn 't be back until the 17th . She wanted me to set up an interview for Tuesday . When I explained that I was out of state , she immediately said , " Well , it 's been nice speaking to you . " I understand that most people prefer an in - person interview to a phone interview , and for good reason . I just wish that I could have been given a chance . What if this was a family emergency ? I hate that so many recruiters / employers want people to be so desperate that they 'll drop everything for an interview . Yes , I want a job , I really need one , but sometimes there are circumstances beyond my control . Additionally , last week I had an preliminary interview for a teaching position in Japan . Because of my hellish student teaching experience , I would rather teach in a country that respects education and educators instead of America . I was worried , though , about going abroad for a year , being completely alone in a foreign country . I know that I would miss Alex and my family considerably . I also wasn 't sure if the start - up costs ( I would have to pay for my own flight over to Japan , my background check , and some other things before I actually received a stipend . ) . Well , now I don 't have to choose . I got an e - mail last night . They don 't want me . Nobody wants me . It feels like the time before I found my job at the library , only worse . I have little experience , I have little references , and who really wants an English major , anymore ? I keep seeing and hearing about my friends who are getting jobs or , in the case of my teaching friends , getting ready to teach their first class . My other friends still in school are getting their schedules , moving back to the dorms , or starting grad school . I just feel like everyone knows what they 're doing with their life but me . August 5 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : family , health , life , summer , work | Leave a comment It 's August . I can 't believe it 's already August . Of course , time flies when you think you have all the time in the world . Three months ago - hell , it 's more like five months ago , I thought , " I 'll take a year off , get some work , and then go to grad school ! " Now ? Well , my notices for student loan payments are coming in . I 'm still unemployed . I feel my dreams of getting my masters in library science are slipping away . Mom and I fight at least once or twice a week , when we rarely fought once we moved here six years ago . I 'm sad . Others who have recently graduated , like myself , are finding jobs . Alex finally got something after what seems like two years of searching , which I 'm happy about . If my peers aren 't getting employed , they 're going back to school - grad school , another year of undergrad ; some people , like my friend Jennifer , have both work and school to look forward to . There are so many other milestones people are hitting in their own lives , and what do I have to show ? I don 't have much to say as of late . What 's new to talk about , really ? Yes , I 'm utilizing the time I have by searching for a job , exercising , writing , reading , and doing crafty things , but I really can 't be too excited when it 's the same thing , day after day . I 'm going to a family reunion this weekend , and people are going to ask me what I 'm up to , and I truly won 't have anything to note . I can sum up my life in a few words . No one 's going to care . I 'm not interesting . I often wonder why I keep this blog around . I originally intended to use it as a book review blog . I did it once . Although I can say that I 've read enough books in the past five months that could last several posts if I wanted to pick that up again . Then , this became a somewhat outlet for my crafty ventures . Now , it 's a sad mess . I mean , I know I do stuff other than write , read , craft , and mope . In the past weeks I honestly haven 't done much besides that , though . I look back on this whole summer , which was full of opportunity and excitement , and I feel like I have just wasted it . Alex 's car is still in the shop , so I 've come down and visited him a few times , and he 's been able to get a ride up to my house at other times . Our visits are sparse and public . Once he starts working , I 'll probably only see him on the weekends , like it was when I was at school last year , only I 'm living at home . I hope his car is repaired soon , though . I know how much he loves driving and he loves his car . Plus , if I drive him , he 'll get motion sick , and I always feel bad about that . We went up to Muncie with Scott this past Sunday for Scott 's birthday . It was a small gathering , but nice . I brought brownies I had made late night before . We chatted and I knit , and I ended up being the designated driver for the night . What I didn 't foresee was when we went out to the Locker Room , we were having a great time until I had an allergic reaction . For dinner that night , Alex and I cooked up what was on the menu - salmon , green beans , and cheesy garlic biscuits . It was all delicious . I had only had salmon once before , and I had a reaction that time , but I thought I was in the clear this time . I felt great , but then suddenly , I found myself sneezing , itching , swelling , and wheezing , among some other symptoms . I am now , without a doubt , allergic to salmon . There 's something in it that , when in my digestive system and it 's being broken down , it causes my body to react . It 's so strange , though , since it isn 't immediate - it takes about six hours for the reaction to kick in . Nothing 's scarier than having to drive home while your face is swelling and every breath you take is a ghastly wheeze . I stayed calm and we got back to Krista 's apartment safely , but every time we stopped at a stop sign and no one was around , I 'd have to scratch my back and arms . I was miserable . When we got back , everyone was really helpful . I could barely get out of the driver 's seat because I was weak , and Alex helped me out . Krista and Derek ran up and got the Benedryl I luckily had in my backpack , and Nick held open the doors for us . I am lucky to have such good friends . It took a while to recover , and everyone went to bed , but Alex stayed with me on the couch until I was comfortable enough to sleep . Being with him was probably the best part of that weekend . Anyway , like I said , nothing much else has been going on . I attempted and succeeded in my first embroidery project . I 'll share it when it 's framed , and possibly after Alex 's birthday , since it 's for him and I want it to be a surprise . As I also stated before , I 'm going to a family reunion this weekend . Something to keep me busy while my friends and boyfriend are having a great time at GenCon . I wanted to go last year , but didn 't have transportation . This year , I thought I would have a job that would prevent me from going , though I didn 't really have the money to go , either . Oh well . The only consolation I have is that I 'm not missing Wil Wheaton this year , since he 's not visiting , though I missed meeting him last year . It just makes me feel even more sucky , since I 'm not getting out and doing anything interesting . The State Fair is starting this weekend , too , and I 'm going to miss most of it because I 'll be out of state . The reunion should be … interesting . I guess . I don 't know . I feel weird about going , but I feel that it would be a good alternative to staying home and getting into an argument with my mom . On Sunday , I 'll be driving down to Lexington . I 'll be watching my brothers for the next week and a half because they 'll be starting school soon . David starts sixth grade on Wednesday , and Alex will be in third grade , I do believe . That doesn 't start until the following week . It 'll be good to see them . July 11 , 2011 in Rambling | Tags : books , family , friends , identity , July 4th , life , summer , work | Leave a comment Well , it 's been a few weeks since I 've posted here , so I figured it was about time . It 's been an interesting time between then and now - okay , not all of it , but some of it . The weekend following the post I wrote was really good . My grandparents showed up on the 23rd and spent the weekend with us . There was a Half - Price Books Clearance Sale at the State Fairgrounds , so we went . I shouldn 't have bought any books , but not a single item was over $ 3 , so I took that opportunity . I bought fifteen books - about $ 180 at new retail price - for $ 19 . So it was a great deal … and now I have about thirty books I own that I have never read . I 'm working on it . After the book sale , we went to Monical 's Pizza for lunch and then took a tour of my mom 's work . She 's been there a year and they had an open house . It was nice to finally see the inside . On that Sunday , my grandparents left and Alex , Scott , and I went up to Muncie for Thom 's birthday . Alex made falafel and I made jalapeno poppers and sangria . Of course , the sangria was solely for me . It was really good for a first - time recipe . It was a real good time , and I was glad to see everyone . I 'm trying to think about everything else that 's gone on , but it 's hard . I spend a lot of time around the house - reading , knitting , writing , watching television , avoiding things that I actually want and need to do , like clean my room , because I 'm not motivated . I 've read quite a few books lately , like I said before . I most recently finished The Awakening , and today I hope to finish Mrs . Dalloway . I 've started knitting my final charity blanket , I finished a second pair of socks and have been working on two stuffed elephants for two babies . The Fourth of July was good . Mom and I watched movies all weekend , and Alex came up and we played Frisbee and ate dinner with my mom . We drove to Anderson and sat in an empty parking lot watching the fireworks from my car and eating Ben & Jerry 's Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream . I 've had some pretty good days . On Wednesday nights , I go over to Jennifer 's and we watch So You Think You Can Dance . This past Wednesday , we swam at her grandparents ' house , ate pizza for dinner , and had Good 's ice cream for dessert . Not too much more happening , I 'm afraid , unless you were to ask my brain . My brain would tell you that it is tired of this shit . It 's hard to sleep anymore because even though I 'm tired , my mind still won 't stop working . Lately , I 've been conflicted with things . Things I want , things I don 't want , things that I should do , things that are rational . A job that will pay me a lot , or a job that will satisfy me in every way but paying me a lot , to stay local or to abandon my sane , rational inclinations and go out west to meet a friend . I attribute my confusion to my long - term bad habit of not being able to decide . It started as a child because I never wanted to rock the boat , to be demanding , and now it 's developed into , " Well , I 'm really comfortable with really any outcome , so I don 't know what to decide . " It happens with food to eat , places to go , movies to watch . I want to experience everything , and I don 't care in what order I do it . It will all happen eventually . Or at least , most of the time , that 's how it seems . But with these huge decisions , I just get freaked out . I look at the pros and the cons , and I know in my heart what I really want ( I refer to it as my " McCoy " ) , but my brain always seems to chip in with its ideas of what would be better in the long - run ( my " Spock . " ) . It sucks . Sometimes I try to stick out a bad situation , thinking that once I get through it , everything will be fine . That 's why I tried to stay in student teaching and work it out . I thought that if I just got through it , I 'd graduate and be a better person and have more options for career choices and I wouldn 't have to do teaching if I didn 't want to . I didn 't have a choice in the end . After working in a harsh environment with an abusive supervising teacher , angry teenagers who hated on me every day , and a university supervisor who ignored the warning signs , I caved . I couldn 't do it . I didn 't really want to do student teaching , and in a roundabout way , I didn 't have to do it anymore , though it wasn 't necessarily my choice to go how I did . I was kicked out ( though they won 't use that term , it 's basically what happened ) . I wasted time , a lot of money , and I withstood psychological abuse to get where I am now , which isn 't even that glamorous . I mentioned before that I was having a hard time deciding between a job that would pay me money and a job that would make me happy . I consulted friends and family members for advice , and everyone had good points - and points that I had made in my own deductions . I know that no one else can make a decision for me , and that I am solely responsible for my own decisions . Well , anyway , I was worrying about this decision so much that it was making me sick . It was harder to sleep , I was worried . I went to go meet Alex in Greenfield on Thursday , and I would normally be excited , but I just felt so dead inside . He had brought Scott along as a surprise , which was nice , but I only got to spend an hour with them , when I had expected more . I don 't even know how I drove home , to be honest . I was so upset . I spent the rest of the evening in a funk . I didn 't want to eat , I didn 't even want to talk to Alex . I felt so miserable and full of self - loathing . I thought of how worthless I was , how I had to go to this job because no one else would hire me and I was a total loser . I think it is the worst I 've felt in a long time . I did call Alex , though . It was 11 : 00 at night , and he had just woken up after an unexpected nap and had missed dinner . We ended up spontaneously meeting up at the same place we had met earlier , but at midnight . We had dinner together , a chance to redo our date . We talked and I felt a lot better , lighter . I drove home happy in the pouring rain , blasting LCD Soundsystem while going through sleepy little towns . On Friday , I went to orientation for the high - paying job that I waited three months for . Yeah , that 's right . The testing and interview process was swift . They said they wanted me . But then they made me wait three months . It was so they could get a " class " of what seemed to be about fifteen people for orientation . I went up to the place last Friday for orientation , and within the first twenty minutes , while we were listening to the guy talk while we followed along on our own handout , I realized that this job would be horrible for me . Yeah , I know , you have to start somewhere , but I could see no way how I would actually be able to get out of this place if I wanted to . I don 't even know how long my assignment would last . They could have brought me in for training , and then let me go after the first week . I would hate to wait three months only to work a week . I sat through over an hour of this orientation when I finally saw a break and was able to get the supervisor aside and tell him I didn 't want the job . He wanted to know why , and I said , " Well , I thought I wanted it , but I really didn 't . " I actually felt quite at peace with my decision . I may be too prideful , or delusional , or I don 't know . I know , it 's crazy . But I believe that I will find something better , one day . Someday , I will earn the exact same amount of money - or more - in a job that I enjoy , rather than one would make me hate myself every day . In the meantime while I find a job , I 'm trying to keep myself busy - again . Today , Alex and I went to Petsmart and looked at the kitties ( SO CUTE ! ) , went bowling , and had ice cream cones at Good 's before he left about two hours ago . I 'm leaving tomorrow for Cincinnati . My aunt Jo was bugging me to come visit her . She 'll pay me if I clean and organize her sewing studio ( and there 's a bonus if I find her stereo remote ! ) . Stella , the dog that she and Uncle Dave adopted , will be coming home on Wednesday , so I 'll be the first to meet her . I 'll be in Cincy until Friday , and then I 'm going to visit my ( maternal ) grandparents and see if I can keep myself busy at their church festival until Sunday morning . I 'll stop at my ( paternal ) grandparents ' house on Sunday for a short visit and lunch on my way to Muncie , where I 'll be hanging out with friends , a full loop . |
Good Afternoon , Flowers ! The sun has gone into hiding and the rain clouds are heading this direction . We are dry and could use a good shower . We just got home from making a trip to SAM 's Club , a quick visit to Beth and her family , and a quicker trip to visit MIL . We called Jason as we were leaving MIL 's but they were just heading out the door so we didn 't get to see them . I should go downstairs and work on the laundry but that can wait . " Gma " - - I forgot to add the slide show at the end of the wedding after the bride and groom plus the attendants left the sanctuary ! The movie sounds like it was a good one ! Your talking about losing contact with your close friend reminds me of one of my best friends in high school . We kept in touch after high school ; she and her husband moved to Ohio after they graduated from college and they lived about an hour away from us when we moved there . They were going through a divorce and then she remarried and moved to Illinois . In later years we only kept in touch at Christmas but one year I didn 't hear from her . The following summer we had a class reunion ; she always attended while I never did . When I got the class directory she was listed as deceased . You can imagine my shock ! She had a cousin in our class so I wrote to him to find out what happened to her . She had cervical cancer and died a few months after her diagnosis . I felt bad that I didn 't know at the time . I 'm off to work on the laundry piles . Have a marvelous Monday tomorrow ! Good morning girls ! It is dry here now , but we had a whiz bang of a storm yesterday early evening . It didn 't help with the humidity though and it 's quite warm this morning . I skipped the pool yesterday and pretty much vegged out reading . I read two books yesterday ! I also watched the Cubs get beat and the Nascar race inbetween and even a movie with Jack . I did however , do my chores and 3 loads of laundry . Jean : Do you have a laundry day or do you just do it during the week ? I think my sister does hers all on the weekend , but I am too anal for that . Even when I was working full time I did laundry everyday . It used to stress me out something awful when I would get behind and it still does . I am a wreck when we come back from vacation or a trip trying to catch up . How is you MIL enjoying the retirement villa or whatever it is ? Jack has been taking his muscle relaxer but not his pain pills . He is trying to stretch that foot every night while we wait for his brace / splint to come in . According to the order status , they haven 't even shipped it yet . There wasn 't much I could do about it . I had it shipped FEDEX , but the thing only cost $ 15 and it cost another $ 15 to ship 3 - 5 days and they wanted like $ 35 to do 2 day and almost $ 50 for overnight , which is ridiculous . The thing weighs less than a lb and is elastic so could have been shipped in one of their envelopes overnight . Good Afternoon , Flowers ! I 've gotten lots of little things done today , but nothing that you can see . I did make a list and crossed things off so I can show it to Bob when he gets home this afternoon . I 'm waiting for a load of his shorts and socks to dry , so I can fold and put them away . Tomorrow I have the " shower " for the teacher who had the explosion and a haircut in the afternoon . Wednesday is my annual dentist appointment . This week will be gone before I know it . " Gma " - - WOW ! You were a busy gal yesterday ! Were you in charge of the remote ? When Bob starts playing musical channels I either get up and head for the computer or else read because I just get interested in what 's on TV and he 'll change the channel on me . During the school year I try to do most of the laundry over the weekend . I hang most of our dress / work clothing while they are still damp . In the summer I wash whenever there is enough to make a load . I 'd rather do that because then I keep the basement cleaner and more picked up as well as cleaning the litter boxes every day . " Mom " still has the 3 litter boxes that I had out when we had 3 cats . She poops in one and pees in the other . . . for some reason she rarely uses the 3rd one . I would love to get caught up on my ironing . . . maybe someday . MIL likes where she is . . . she better since it was her idea ! But she still talks about going to the lake although she doesn 't want to be there alone . Yesterday she mentioned going back to AZ this fall . I think alot depends on what the back specialist tells her . The GP didn 't sound too promising that surgery was an option which was our opinion all along . She 's also talking about getting her driver 's license renewed when Bob 's brother comes to visit . ARGHHHHH ! We don 't want her driving anywhere . . . we own the car she drives and Bob has the insurance on her / it . Scarey ! Right now the car is sitting in the parking lot at his office ; she 's asked everyone but us where her car is . Bob is hoping she can 't pass the vision test . Tell Jack I feel his pain ! Ouch ! Not much else is newsy from my corner of the world today . Hope you enjoy the rest of the day and have a terrific Tuesday tomorrow ! Good morning sweet flowers . I woke up having to go to the bathroom and decided to heck with it to just get up and get morning chores done downstairs . I have to keep the car as Fortune has a " beauty shop " appointment today and it is too hot to be walking to the groomers and back . Crummy excuse , but there you go ! I would rather freeze in the pool than bake walking . The pool water was ok yesterday but the air was cool yesterday just a bit and the wind was blowing so I got cold when I was doing exercises out of the water ( upper body anyway . ) Jean : Your MIL sounds like a real character . Heaven help you , I don 't know of anyone that age that should really attempt to drive even if they have perfect vision . Their reflexes just aren 't quick enough to avoid accidents . She sounds like my husband 's paternal grandmother . She lived by herself until the day she died and she would drive her Impala ( it was from the 70 's ) around town scaring people to death . You couldn 't get her not to . She was an opinionated little thing too . When my son was born and we went through Mineral Wells on his way to his parents house in New Mexico , she cooked the poor boy . She insisted on him being in the living room right next to her space heater . I kept trying to sneak out and get him , but she sat in her recliner all night . He was only a month old at this time and he ended up with a terrible ear infection out of the whole thing . I was lucky , she LIKED me . She used to gossip terribly about some of the kids spouses . The first thing she asked Jack when he said he was getting married was , " She 's a Baptist girl , isn 't she ? " He told her yes . She was afraid he would marry a nasty Catholic ! I thought maybe it was because I lived up by Notre Dame and that is where she got the idea , but she was just afraid to have those heathens be part of her family . She was the queen of her domain , that was for sure and she was less than 5 foot tall . It must be me that I can 't seem to get answers when I order stuff online . I can 't get the company where I ordered Jack 's splint to tell me when it is gonna ship , I can 't get the company where I ordered my new swimsuit to tell me either and I have emailed them TWICE ! I ordered a new car connection for Jack 's cell phone because he broke his and they shipped it out the same day and it was in Memphis at the FedEx location on SATURDAY , but they aren 't delivering it until WEDNESDAY ! I guess if I don 't hear from either of the companies today , I am going to have to call , especially my swimsuit and caftan coverup . I was hoping it would be here for my son 's birthday pool party , but it sure doesn 't look like it . The website doesn 't have any way to check order status at all . They sure didn 't have a problem putting through the charge on my credit card ! Yesterday was beautiful and Jack hinted at going to the Cape just for the ride and to see my friend Toni . She is the girl friend that we have visited for the 4th of July for many many years . She had a stroke earlier this year and was in the nursing home for 6 weeks and then went home but got a bladder infection and returned but not to the same nursing home . This time to a much more unsatisfactory one that she hated . Three weeks later she was home again only to fall last week with another mild stroke and is back in the first nursing home again . We stopped by to see her and I thought she looked remarkedly well , she had had her hair cut and curled and had lost a little weight in the face but she had all that old spark and vinegar that was the old Toni . She is looking forward to going home again but they haven 't given her any time schedule . After visiting her we drove through a few of our favorite places in Falmouth and then back home . Was able to finish the laundry that I had started and dropped when Jack gave me that Cape Cod hint . Jean : Congrats on the end of school . Hope you have a great Summer and that mil doesn 't create too big a problem for you and Bob . It is hard to stop driving after doing it for so many years and then to have to rely on others to get you where you want to go . However , if she really likes that place where she is now staying they may have a van to get the residents around to food shop etc . I know that do that here . Faye : Wow , your swimming already . Yesterday at the Cape Jack put his feet into the ocean but he did say it was cold . . . I heard that it was about 50 deg . . . . . . that 's too cold for me . I hope you can straighten out those on - line shopping problems . The only thing I have ever purchased online was my Norton and that didn 't have to be delivered . The cough has finally subsided and the last two days have been sunny but . . . . wait we just heard we are in for another few days of rain . . . . will it ever stop . Good Afternoon , Flowers ! I just got home from running errands and going to the teacher 's shower . She was in tears as she opened her gifts . She got a wide assortment of kitchen utensils , pans , ingredients , and recipes . It was a nice way to end the year for all of us . I needed to pick up some of that vinyl repair stuff that you can use on dishwasher racks when they start to rust . I stopped at one appliance store and the salesman told me they didn 't make it any more and I should just buy a new dishwasher ! I did find it an another appliance store . . . $ 15 for a teeny tiny bottle . My haircut is in an hour and I need to go vote on my way . " Gma " - - My MIL is a retired teacher and knows best ! Just ask her ! She really is a nice person and I think pain and age are making her the way she is right now . I will be glad when she finally gets to visit with the back surgeon to find out if surgery is a " no or a go . " I had to laugh at Jack 's grandmother liking you . My grandmother on my dad 's side didn 't like me . . . she thought I was spoiled ! For some reason she did like Bob though . After we had moved to Ohio we were home on vacation getting ready to go from my parents ( who were babysitting our cat that we had hauled back with us ) to Bob 's family for a few days . He thought we should make our duty visit to my grandma before we left which we did . She died of a heart attack while we were at my in - laws . Talk about spooky . I like to order from Amazon because they let you know where and when your purchase is at all times . I really don 't shop online much . I hope your items arrive today and surprise you ! Gloria - - It 's nice to see you today ! I hope your friend is able to return to her home soon . I 'm glad she is feeling better . Where MIL lives is assisted living and they will take her wherever she wants to go ; she hasn 't driven in this city for probably at least 20 + years and there has been lots of building and road changes in that time . They also have a mini bus that makes trips to the mall a couple times a week , Wal - Mart , Target , Shopko , K - Mart and anywhere else they want to go . They have daily activities planned for each day . My friend , whose mother is also there , and I told the director we wanted to put our names on the list and have rooms across from each other ! You only have to be 55 to get in . . . sounds good to me , but I have way too much STUFF right now . I need to change washer loads so I 'm off ! Have a wonderful Wednesday tomorrow ! Good morning ladies . I typed up this diatribe last night after the incident happened because I was so upset . I am still pretty steamed about the neighbor doing such a spiteful thing and I better not see her around because she is liable to get a piece of my mind , little though there is left ! I need to vent ladies ! I am so upset and mad ! One of my nasty neighbors sent a woman to our door about an hour ago claiming we stole her yorkie ! The neighbor was mad at me because when Fortune got back from the groomers and the painter had our garage door off and the back gate taken apart to paint so Fortune couldn 't go outside on the deck and go to the bathroom . I took him out front on a leash and her big nasty chow was out there off his leash and came up to Fortune and scared him half to death jumping at him and barking . I picked Fortune up because Fortune was cowering poor thing was so terrified . The damn dog jumped me . I pushed him off and told the woman that Fortune is afraid of other dogs and she got snotty and said if he was going to walk outside he needed to get used to the other dogs . I told her no he didn 't and wasn 't there a city leash law and walked back to my house carrying Fortune all the way . I guess she thought she could get even this way . The woman that showed up here expected us to GIVE her FORTUNE ! Jack refused and she called the cops . It made Jack mad and when the cops asked to see Fortune he told them NO ! He told them they needed a warrant and could go get one if they wanted to see him . He said they could look at all his records and I had organized his shot records from the time he was born until his last shots last Oct and had Jack give them to the idiot cops . That didn 't satisfy them so Jack went upstairs and got a professional photo of Fortune we had taken three years ago and they made Jack prove who he was with ID . When the one cop found out Jack was retired Navy ( he was retired Army ) he backed off some , but I was p * & ^ % $ # # $ by this time and I walked up to the door and shook my finger at the woman and told her she owed us an apology ! I finally made Jack relent and he showed them the dog but through the locked storm door . The woman had told the cops that her dog had an eye tumor and we told the cops he didn 't have a tumor and they even told her his eyes were clear . We asked what sex her dogGloria : The pool water is medium but we have had a cool breeze two days in a row that makes it chilly to swim , especially since I am out there around 7 : 45 . I do like the solitude though ! Yesterday I was swimming laps and looked up and saw two jet streams in the sky and they were headed right at each other . I actually stopped swimming and watched in horror afraid the planes were going to slam into one another , they were that close . They left this big X in the sky where they crossed . I wondered if they had been hot dogging and showing off because it seemed awfully close . I am so sorry about your friend . It sounds like she has had a tough time of it lately . I got all THREE things I ordered online yesterday , but they were delivered one at a time . The painter had stuff scattered all over the place and the FEDEX guys had to dodge and weave to get to the back door ! Jean : I got a laugh thinking about poor Bob hauling all what you call your clutter back and forth from your house to a retirement community . If it is as bad as you say it is , better get two apartments , one for the clutter and one for you and Bob ! I have seen the inside of a couple of these assisted living places and they are really nice . I adore my grandson , but wouldn 't it be nice to live in a community of all adults and they all be in your age range so to speak ? No loud music making your house thump , no kids throwing food on your deck , etc , etc . Jack got his medical authorization for his physical therapy . We just hope he can fit it into his schedule as he can 't take off work . He was supposed to call them yesterday , but with the dog mess it never did get done . I am hoping his splint will improve his foot too . Good Afternoon , Flowers ! I 've been to the dentist ( no cavities ! ) and to the grocery store , Bob was home for lunch , and now I need to pick up and sort through my junk drawer . I think things grow in there when I 'm not looking . " Gma " - - I would be as angry as you are about the dog episode ! Aren 't Chows known for being agressive ? I feel sorry for both you and Fortune ! I wonder if the other lady really ever did have a dog in the first place . I 'm sure the cops wondered what in the world was gong on ! From the sounds of your past and present neighbors I think a security system would be a good investment ! I hope that Jack gets some relief soon ; I really feel for him . Good morning everyone ! It is going to be a real hot one today , in the 90 's . It is already near 80 and it isn 't even 7 : 30 yet . It will warm up the pool nicely , though . Jack talked to the therapy place and they are open until 5 PM so he is waiting to hear back from them about getting a late afternoon appointment . The dr wants him to have 13 treatments between now and August so he is going to have to go about 3 times a week , looks like . I wonder if we are going to have to pay a co - pay everytime or what ? ? ? He is wearing his splint , but I know he takes it off in the evening . He says his foot is sore , but knowing him , it is probably a lot worse than that . He plays down how much stuff hurts him most of the time . Well , we now have a newly painted condo , the termite man was here and drilled holes and put gunk in the garage for the termites , and the maintenance man finally got around to changing the door knob on the side door of the garage . We haven 't heard another word from the goofy woman . I am really on my guard though and Fortune is not going out walking anytime soon . He loves to do it , but I am not going to take the chance . Who knows what she would do and like you said Jean , did she ever have a dog in the first place ? Looks like I have to call the party store and see where my grandson 's dog pencils are for his party on Saturday . My dd ordered them a month ago and she has never been called . She kind of got forced into a promotion and as such is in training and can 't get out to call them so I told her I would try and hunt them down . The shop is out here by me , but I am not sure they would let me pick them up for her if they are in . I guess I will just spend some time on the phone today getting the info of where the things are . Good Evening , Flowers ! Since I was up at 4 : 45 AM and didn 't sleep the best last night I am heading off to bed shortly . We left the house at 5 : 45 , spent the day with Beth 's two , then Amanda and their two came to spend the afternoon , ordered pizza for supper for everyone , stopped to chat with MIL a few minutes , and headed home arriving about 8 : 30 . Long day and I 'm tired ! I could never do daycare on a regular basis even if they are my grandchildren ! I wish I could bottle the energy and sell it ! " Gma " - - Hope you find the dog pencils in time . That sounds like a cute idea ! When Jason and Amanda rented a duplex they had termites and the exterminator never did get rid of them in the 2 years they lived there . He told them that they would not move with them when they left ! To my knowledge they haven 't had any since . Hope your pool workout was a good one ! Hope you all have a fantastic Friday ! I 'm going to bed ! Good morning gals ! I am all bleary eyed this morning from allergies and last night was my night off from my contacts so I am wearing my old glasses . I feel like a blind person ! Jean : Thomas 's birthday is all dog themed . She made " doggie bags " for their gift bags , dog tag bone necklaces with their names on them and these little sun visors with felt floppy ears that she made and attached for their party hats . She made a bone cake , etc . She even made homemade graham cracker dog biscuits for their gift bags ! It was Thomas 's idea . They called yesterday afternoon and I am going to go and pick up the pencils this afternoon , I guess . We have to go to Lowes anyway . We have really old countertops that are wood and the screws connecting the dishwasher to the countertops keep falling out so Jack needs to get some wood fill to put in the holes so he can put the screws back in . I was unloading the dishwasher the other day and pulled out the top shelf and the dishwasher tipped completely forward with the screws falling into the dishwasher . I was stuck holding it until Jack could come downstairs and help me ! I think the old dishwasher was bigger that this one and we haven 't been able to get it scooted back in the there correctly ever since we had it repaired when I broke that glass in it . I told one of my gossipy neighbors what happened with the dog yesterday when she stopped by the pool when I was working out . I knew she would spread it around and I wanted the neighbor tha started this all to know that I know she did it . I didn 't use her name , but I told the gossipy neighbor that one of the neighbors in my building told another neighbor that we had stolen her dog . I want to see what she does the next time she sees me . Oh , I don 't know if you remember the story I told you several months ago about a bunch of state senators from our districts here in Memphis that got caught in a dummy corporation sting that the FBI set up and the senators took bribes , etc . The first guy went on trial here a few days ago and was convicted . We never thought he would be and were pleasantly surprised that he got the axe . He could get up to 90 years in prison and 1 . 5 million $ $ $ $ fine . His wife is squawking racial nonsense because there were more whites than blacks on the jury , but the jury had to convict 100 % so the 5 blacks on the jury thought he was guilty too ; obviously as it only took like a day . The one I am interested in is the Ford case . We shall see if they will put this guy away . He was the ringleader so to speak of the whole thing and took more money than anyone else . The FBI have him on TAPE taking the bribe . His family is very very popular in politics here so we shall see if the community has the guts to put this guy away . In fact , his nephew is a TN state senator and is running for the US senate . I have to say that Harold Ford Jr seems to be an honest person , unlike his crook of a father and his scummy uncle . The senator 's father was a real shady character I guess . Good Morning , Flowers ! I 'm taking a quick break after bringing up a load of towels from the dryer . Bob has ants in his bathroom ! They 're coming in under the woodwork and up through the sink drain . He put some poison out last night and they all died on the spot . Whenever I 've used that stuff they eat it and disappear . There used to be an outside door in his bathroom before we moved a wall and closed the door hole . I kept telling the contractor there was a draft where the door used to be and he kept saying it wasn 't possible . Last winter I folded sheets of newspaper and stuffed several under the woodwork ! I know a draft when I feel one . Hah ! I wonder if ants eat paper . " Gma " - - How long do you have to wear your glasses ? I checked into Lasik ( maybe I already shared this ) , but my correction is too strong and I am 60 so can 't have it done . I finally had gotten my courage up to investigate the possiblilty . I hate my glasses because they are so thick and heavy . I hope the politicians all get what is coming to them ! I am so sick of the local campaigning and know it will kick in again this fall . Your daughter sounds like she is quite creative to think up the doggie bags and other items for T 's birthday . I need to keep moving . Have a great Friday ! Good morning gals ! Hope this morning finds you all chipper ! It is scorching and sticky already this morning . Our car temp registered 99 yesterday coming home from Lowes and is usually no more than a couple points off so it was hot and it is supposed to be hotter today . We have T 's birthday party this afternoon and it is a pool party . Of course , he has 20 little kids coming and their parents so the pool might be a tad crowded . He invited his whole soccer team and most of his class at school I think . I talked to her last night and ask her if she needed help with anything , but she said she has it all covered so guess I will go and have a good time . I may be dispensing drinks and cake etc though so who knows ? Jean : I take my contacts out and leave them out just overnight and then put them back in . Dr says it is just to relax the eye . I am tempted to go back to glasses because I have to have readers all the time , but I do like being able to see stuff , ie when I am in the pool or at night after I have gone to bed . I am blind as a bat and have worn glasses since I was 10 . I saw that Jack had been downstairs last evening and put the wood filler in the screw holes for the dishwasher so maybe we can get that fixed now . Wish I had about $ 50 , 000 to renovate this whole place , put in new bathrooms , do all the floors and put in new counters and cabinets in the kitchen . Alas , I have none so have to put up with what I have . I am hoping next year is the year I get to do the floors once and for all . I am down to my last three books from my book club . I have several that will come in a few weeks as they have not been released from the publisher yet and I have 2 in the mail to me . I have read I think 7 so far . I could read night and day if you gave me enough books . Books are like handbags and shoes to me , I can 't get enough . I don 't re - read books but I do love to read . When I get my book case full , I box them up and take them to the library and they get a whole bunch of fairly new books free . I have one I have been saving to take to the water park at the end of the month . It is called Beach Road and everyone says it is really good . I have been itching to read it and if I run out of books before the end of the month , I know I will be tempted ! I just read the latest installment of the Stone Barrington series by Stuart Woods . He writes a heck of a book , but the man himself is SUCH a jackass . He has pages of stuff at the back of his book about writing or emailing him , but don 't do this and don 't do that , etc . I am sure all writers get fed up with people who want to know how to get their book published and such , but it goes with the territory and he even gets nasty if you ask him where he got the idea for a book . He says something like it being self explanatory at his website or some such drivel . Well , I need to get my morning chores done . I think I will only do a short workout at the pool this morning . It is harder to do with Jack being home because it is just about the time he gets up for breakfast and he either has to make it himself or wait an hour and I hate for him to have to do that . Happy Saturday , Flowers ! It finally did rain before I got up this morning and the wind kicked in before I went to bed . It 's really blowing this morning and only 52 degrees outside . We are supposed to have thunderstorms off and all for the next week ; I hope the weather settles down because we leave for MN next Saturday . There 's nothing worse than being stuck on a lake when it is storming outside . I was bad , bad , bad this morning ! It was not quite 7 : 00 and I noticed the back yard partying neighbor 's dog digging along the cat hater 's garden fence . I didn 't think much about it because the dog runs loose from time to time . When I opened the back door to put the cat food out , I could hear the back neighbors arguing quite loudly . For years we have put up with their loud music , their kid 's partying friends in the back yard , the parents loud parties , etc . It just popped right out of my mouth and I yelled " SHUT UP " as loud as I could . The leaves are on the trees so they couldn 't see me , but I 'm sure they knew where it was coming from . It was dead silence , the dog took off for home , and we haven 't heard anything since . Bob said they were going at it after I went to bed . . . he was out killing a possum at midnight ! He got up at 3 to go to the bathroom and they were still arguing so maybe it was an " all - nighter ! " One other time , years ago , I called over there and told them to turn the music down when they were having a party . She hasn 't been around for over a week ; I told Bob maybe they will get a divorce and move ! I can only hope . Like he said , we could get someone worse . I am sorting again today ! I think we will go to church at 5 : 30 because tomorrow Bob and Jason are headed to the lake to put the boat hoist in if the wind dies down . " Gma " - - Have you read books by Debbie Macomber ? I bought one for when we were on the plane and I 've bought several more since . Wouldn 't it be nice to have money to redo in any or all rooms without having to worry about the cost ? Since I don 't buy lottery tickets nor do we live close to any casinos , there 's not much chance of that happening here . I can always dream though . Have fun at the birthday party ! I have my dishwasher racks out drying so I can paint the rust spots with the goop I bought the other day . We had a great time at T 's party . I kind of felt sorry for my dd . There were at least 6 kids that RSVP 'd and said they were coming that didn 't show up . She had a lot of personalized stuff for them that had to just be tossed . The rest of us had a grand time , though . She had bought little plastic dog dishes at the $ store and put the food in them , his birthday cake was in the shape of a bone and all the other stuff I told you about . For their gift bags , she found teeny tiny candies that were little bright colored bones and erasers that were dalamations . Her homemade graham cracker bones were really good , too . The kids loved playing in the pool and I was the only adult that got in and fooled around with them pretty much . Jack finally got in , but it was too cold for him and my dd was way too busy having to keep everything filled etc . Thomas has a ton of pool toys , noodles , and such so everyone had a good time . Thomas was the only kid that can swim without water wings , life vest whatever and saying he can swim is an understatement . He is a little fish in the water and doesn 't get rattled when he gets splashed or a wave hits him in the face or something . Two of the girls there were from T 's class and have huge crushes on him . They kind of fought over him the whole time . It was pretty funny . One of the moms was telling me her dd , who absolutely adores Thomas , says he is the quietest kid in the class . She made him this mushy card that said I love you in it and everything . Bless his heart , Thomas took it all in stride pretty much . The other little girl was kind of a snot and a whiny tattletale on top of it . We stayed and had dinner with them from Sonic . Not healthy , but fun . Unfortunately , I paid for it last night and had heart burn and acid reflux ! Darn that chili dog . . . . . We ended up telling T what his birthday gift is because dd had to tell him we were going to Nashville at the end of the month . It had something to do with a big baseball game party her company is going to and it is on the Saturday we are supposed to be over there . He opted for staying at the hotel the extra day instead . When I told him his birthday present was not only going to the hotel , but that I had bought all of us tickets to the water park he was all excited . Jean : Just don 't wish your neighbors here ! They can go anyplace else , just not next door to us ! When we lived in Indiana and Jack worked for a company in Chicago and would have to travel a lot , I would be home alone and get awakened at 2 or 3 am by the scummy neighbors above our apartment playing their music so loud I could hear the lyrics word for word . I called the police on them more than once . They were this young couple and when they got evicted the maintenance man said they had torn the door off the hinges and put holes in the wall and everything . I would imagine if you live out and away from town that the sound would really carry too , which would make it worse . |
Stories Prince of the City 's LightsMarta climbed out the window of her bedroom , onto the fire escape . She slowly lowered the window behind her , leaving only a crack open so she could get back in . The shouted arguments of her parents echoed from the apartment behind her . It was worse than normal , tonight . It had woken her from her sleep and , try as she might , the pillow wasn 't thick enough to block out the sound . There was no telling when they would stop and she had school the next day . She had to get some sleep . It was a hot , sticky night , but they didn 't have air conditioning in the apartment anyway . At least none that worked right now . Her dad had promised he 'd fix it , but he didn 't know how to fix it . He was a garbage man ; she thought he was just hoping he 'd find a half - working one in someone 's dumpster and bring it home . She dragged her blanket and pillow up the several flights of metal stairs , mostly rusty save for the well - worn path . Their apartment building was 13 floors tall ( though the top floor was labeled 14 ) , and she lived on the 5th floor , so it was a long climb . When she reached the roof she was sweaty and even more tired than before . Thankfully the city lights were bright , so she was able to watch as she toed her way around the top , wary of broken glass , old needles , or anything else that might stick her . Finally , she found her way over to her common corner , well off to the side and hidden from the view of any maintenance men who might come up to the roof before she woke in the morning . It was still clean from the last time she 'd been up there . She was thankful ; that last time forced her to clean off a pile of dirty baby diapers . She really had no idea where they 'd come from . She folded her blanket into a makeshift mattress and lay on top of it . It was too hot to be under a sheet anyway . As she settled down on top , her head resting on her flat pillow , she wondered what her parents were arguing about now . She briefly entertained the notion that one would come in to check on her and , finding her missing , raise Cain to find her . The knowledge that wouldn 't happen accompanied her as she drifted to fitful sleep . A noise woke Marta from her sleep . Her eyes shot open as she struggled to keep from moving . She didn 't need anyone to find her up here . If they found her , they would take her to her parents , which would only cause more yelling . They yelled at each other enough , she didn 't want to give them anything else they had to yell at either . It was the crunch of someone 's foot . It was still night out . No one should be up here at night . Her breath caught in her throat . Who could it be ? Was it a robber ? No , she thought , there was nothing in any of these apartments that anyone would want to steal . It could have been a murderer or a rapist . She didn 't really understand what either of those things were , but her mom had warned her about them and said if she was out at night , one of them would get to her . Probably both . Maybe it was someone , like her , who just wanted a place to sleep the night without being bothered . She saw homeless people sleeping down in the alleys and gutters before . The roof was probably a better place to sleep than those , but normally they couldn 't get up onto the fire escapes because the ladders had been raised off the ground . She closed her eyes and tried to ignore it , hoping the person would provide her the same courtesy . Then the foot crunched again , then again . It was getting closer to her . She bit her tongue to keep from screaming and giving herself away . There was no way the person could see her from where they were . She couldn 't see them and she was sure she was facing the direction they were coming from . " Boy , " a rough voice said , " come out . " It was a man 's voice and she couldn 't tell from the sound if he was black or white , but she guessed he had to be black . Most people in the city were black , even though she and her parents were white . Her dad complained about that all the time and her mom warned her not to talk to strange black men . She warned her not to talk to strange men in general , but especially not to strange black men . Either way , she felt lucky , because he was up there looking for someone else . Some boy who must be hiding on the roof too . Maybe his parents had been arguing too . Maybe this man was his father and had come to get him . The crunching footsteps came closer . " You . Boy . Do you hear me ? " the voice said . Closer still . " You , little boy . " Now she was sure the man was talking to her . She still couldn 't see him even though he sounded like he was right on top of her . There was a moment of silence where she thought it had worked . Then came a raspy noise like someone unwrapping a candy bar . " My apologies then , girl . You should still come out from there . " Marta remained frozen where she was , clutching her pillow in between white - knuckle hands . " I don 't want to , " she said . " I really think you should , " the man said . Crunch , crunch , crunch . " I 'm gonna scream really loud , " she told him , trying to sound brave . Her mom had told her if any murderers or rapists ever tried to get her that she should scream as loud as she could , because that might scare them off . It might not , but it was better than nothing . There was the raspy sound again . " Go ahead , little girl , no one will hear you if you do . " She realized he was probably right . She was on top of the building in the middle of the night . If there had been anyone walking past , no one would be able to hear her from way down there . And even if they did , they probably wouldn 't stop to help anyhow . Still , that wasn 't gonna stop her . She opened her mouth and sucked in a deep breath . Just as the first shrill note of her scream escaped her lips , a leather hand clamped down over her mouth , muffling the sound . The other hand grabbed the back of her shirt and started pulling , dragging her out from her bed . She grasped wildly for a handhold , but only managed to get a handful of blanket which pulled away with her . In desperation , she tried to bite the hand over her mouth . She only got a dirty mouthful of actual leather for her troubles as the man held on tight . " Stop struggling , " the man growled , his voice like the growl of a dog . She ignored him and thrashed back with her foot , catching him in the stomach . He let out a small oof and his grip on her loosened . She twisted and turned , swinging her arms and legs in a furious attempt to hit him wherever she could . The back of her hand connected with his nose and he sucked in a harsh intake of breath , finally letting go of her . Without looking , she started to run , screaming at the top of her lungs as she did . Hysterical , she ran toward the side of the building and scrambled up the low wall , aiming to leap down onto the fire escape and run down it . " Stop ! " the man shouted after her , but she didn 't . She took a step forward , where the escape should have been , and dropped right off the side of the building . As she started to fall , she realized she had run to the wrong side , the one without the fire escape . She stopped screaming as she fell , the breath stolen from her by shock . The ground rushed toward her . Suddenly , her fall stopped . Her left arm wrenched back and she slammed against the wall . Stars filled her vision . Once her vision cleared , she realized she was being pulled slowly back up the side of the building . Her left arm , shoulder , and hand ached . Dizzy , she realized she 'd been holding on to her blanket as she fell off the roof . She was still clutching it . She got back up to the side of the roof and those two hands grabbed her by the arm , harshly pulling her over the wall . She yelped in pain as she was jerked over the edge . " Hush , " the man said to her . " I saved your life , so you owe me . Don 't scream and don 't run , ok ? " She nodded her head , still delirious with fear and pain to think about it . " Good . " He let go of her arm and she tumbled to the ground in a heap , face smashing against the asphalt roof . For a moment , she lay there curled in a ball . Finally , she groaned and rolled onto her butt . She looked up at the man . She was right , he was a black man . She couldn 't tell if he was homeless or not . He was clean shaven , but had long , grungy dreadlocks . His gloves were ratty leather , so were his shoes . His pants were fraying at the cuffs , but he wore a pristine white dress shirt and black tie , with a sharp black vest over it . He smiled at her . His teeth were very white . So white they looked like they were glowing in the dingy city haze . " I 'm the one asking the questions here , " he told her . " Now why don 't you answer that question for me ? " That crinkling noise came from him and Marta realized it was the man 's laughter . " Very clever , little girl . But that is not what I meant . I meant , who are you , little girl ? " Marta inched back away from him slightly . Her mother had warned her about talking to strangers and this man was certainly stranger than anyone she 'd ever met . But he had saved her from falling and he hadn 't actually hurt her . Plus , he 'd called her clever , which was something she 'd never been called before . . . " I 'm Marta , " she said , crossing her arms over her chest and looking up at the man as if to challenge him to dispute it . He simply nodded . " Alright , little girl , how old are you ? " " I said my name was Marta ! " she said in a petulant tone . The man made his crinkly laugh again and grinned his glowing teeth . " Well , little girl , that may be so . But I will still call you little girl until I decide it is worth my effort to remember your name . Now , little girl , how old are you ? " Marta pouted and looked down , away from the man 's face . She felt like not answering him at all , but something made her mutter , " I 'm nine and three months . " There was a pause and for a bit , Marta imagined the man had gone away . She wondered if he had , but decided she wasn 't going to give him the satisfaction of looking up in case he had remained and this was all a trick to get her to look at him again . But then he finally said , " And why is such a young little girl sleeping on a roof ? Don 't you have a bed of your own ? " Without looking up , Marta answered , " My mom and dad were yelling and I couldn 't sleep . So I came up here . " She squirmed uneasily , not exactly sure why she was telling the man the truth . She could have told him anything , she thought , and how would he have known differently ? Once more the man had a long moment of silence . Then , " Very well , little girl . Would you like me to fix that problem for you ? " This made Marta look up at him . The man wore a grim expression that frightened her just a little . But the promise of it overrode the fear . " You can do that ? " she asked almost breathlessly . " You can make them stop yelling forever ? " Now the man looked sad . " No , " he said surprisingly softly . " I cannot make them stop forever . For tonight , perhaps , but not forever . " She huffed and put her head down again . But even if he could get them to stop yelling for one night . . . " Will you tell them you found me on the roof ? " she asked . " I don 't want them to know . " It only took a moment of thought before she nodded her head , once , firmly . " Ok . " Then she stood and walked over to her blanket and pillow and pulled them into her arms . " Come on . " She walked to the edge of the building - making sure there was a fire escape this time - and started to climb down it . The man 's shoes thunk - thunk - thunked after her as they descended . Finally , she got to her bedroom and wedged her tiny fingers beneath the sill and pulled up . Once there was just enough room for her to get in , she slithered through , then pulled her pillow and blanket in . Back in the bedroom , she could still hear her parents arguing in the other room . How long had she been up on the roof ? It felt like it had been hours , but it could have only been a few minutes . She hoped it was only a few minutes and they hadn 't kept yelling at each other for hours . There was a crashing sound , like glass breaking , and the arguing stopped for only a brief second before her mother began to screech again , with her father bellowing back a loud retort . The man stood outside the window , looking in . For a moment , Marta considered slamming the window shut , trapping him outside . At worst he could try to break through it and get her , but then she could run to her parents . She guessed even they would stop arguing if someone was trying to break into their daughter 's bedroom . But she didn 't . Instead she pushed the window all the way open , which wasn 't very far . The man stooped down and angled himself so his broad shoulders could just barely wedge through the window . He jerked himself into the bedroom , though he managed to make it look graceful by landing on his feet . " Before I do this , " he asked , " I must ask . . . Are you afraid of the dark , little girl ? " She cringed at the sound of his voice , sure her parents would overhear . But they were still shouting so loudly they probably wouldn 't have even if the man had yelled it . " I 'm not , " she said , though she swallowed a lump in her throat right after . " I 'm not afraid of the dark . " He nodded and then , suddenly , her nightlight and the light spilling under the door from the hallway were extinguished . Her parents stopped yelling almost immediately and there was blessed silence for a few seconds , then there was a minute of frustrated yelling which trailed off into silence again . Marta held her breath , expecting the shouting to start up again , but there was none of it . She could barely hear muted talking , something she wasn 't very familiar with , then that too stopped . A door closed . She guessed it was to her parents ' bedroom . She turned to the man , who was silhouetted by the dim glow coming through her window . He had already started to exit . She ran over and grabbed his hand and tugged it back . He relented after a moment and looked down at her . " Yes , little girl , what is it ? " The man shrugged . " It is not much . " It may have been the dimness of the light , but he seemed somehow diminished , albeit just slightly . He started to leave again , but once more she stopped him . " Who are you ? " she asked . He laughed raspily . " I am the Prince of the City 's Lights , " he said . " And I must be going . Goodnight , little girl . " This time he slipped through the window and would not be stopped . Marta sat on the edge of her bed and stared at the open window for a long time , then finally got up and pushed it shut . She laid back down , on top of her blanket , and soon fell asleep to wonderful silence . Though the Prince had promised only that her parents would not argue that night , but the next few nights were peaceful as well . The lights were blamed on a tripped circuit breaker by the landlord , who fixed the problem the next morning . Marta slept with dreams of the Prince dancing in her head , but he did not return to her window . Then , as always , her parents began arguing again about something . She climbed up onto the roof and settled down to wait for the Prince to come relieve her again . After waiting for some time , she fell asleep and didn 't wake until the morning light slapped her in the face . A few nights later she repeated the experiment to similar results . The Prince did not grace her rooftop again . In time , it seemed , Marta would forget all about the Prince , gradually . She might one day look back on that night and wonder at it ; assuming it had been a very vivid dream , she would have cast it from her mind completely . Then , one day , while walking down the sidewalk with her mother after going to the grocery store , she spotted the Prince once again . She barely recognized him at first . His clean - shaven face was covered in grimy stubble , his long dreadlocks were frayed . What had once been a fine shirt , vest , and tie were instead a dingy t - shirt , ratty jean cutoff , and faded scarf . His gloves were fingerless and made of dirty cloth and his pants had holes in them and his shoes were little more than a pair of threadbare sneakers . She might have walked right past him without noticing except for the crinkling noise he made . It looked like he was coughing , but she recognized it immediately as his laugh . Her face lit up with surprise and joy at the sound and she whirled around to face the shoddy man , laying propped against a wall halfway into an alley . " Prince ! " she said , running over to him with a big smile . He did not even look up at her until she got a few steps away and then it was little more than a hasty glance . Her mother , however , shrieked at her . " Marta ! Get away from him ! " Marta looked back over her shoulder in exasperation at her mother , who was jogging over with bags of groceries in each hand . " But mom , he 's the Prince ! " she exclaimed . " He helped me and I want to say hello ! " The Prince laughed , which turned into a cough , though it would be difficult to distinguish the two . " I ain 't no prince , little girl , " he said , and Marta was sure that he was telling her she was actually right . " Go on back to your mom . " " But . . . " Marta started to say , when her mother grabbed her by the wrist and basically threw her away from the Prince . Marta stumbled and fell on her hands and knees , skinning her palms on the sidewalk . She started to tear up and cry , but her mother was too busy picking the groceries back up to comfort her . " Get up ! " her mother said once she 'd gotten the groceries arranged properly . When Marta didn 't immediately respond , her mother shouted again , " Get up now ! " Tearfully , Marta got to her feet , wiping her bloody hands on the front of her shirt and smearing it with red . " Dammit , don 't do that ! Now I 'm going to have to wash that when we get home so it doesn 't stain . " Her mother sighed and shook her head , but just started walking toward the apartment again . " Come on , let 's go . You 've already wasted enough time . " Marta sadly trudged after her mother , casting one glance back at the Prince . He hung his head , a defeated look on his face . She looked away and ran after her mother . It was only a short two blocks before they were home . Her mother put the groceries away , then cleaned off Marta 's hands and changed her shirt . She cried as her mother poured harsh disinfectant on her wounds . " Maybe that will teach you not to go talking to homeless people . He was probably some drug addict ! Now don 't go sticking your hands in anything dirty , ok ? " her mother told her . " They might get infected and then they 'll have to cut them off . " Marta gulped and nodded her head seriously , holding her hands stiff out to her sides so they wouldn 't touch anything dirty . For a few moments at least . Then , having forgot about her mother 's caution , she started to run about the apartment , playing as she usually did . She didn 't , though , forget about the Prince . She hoped her mother might , however , and when Marta was certain she had , she casually walked up and asked , " Can I go play outside ? " By this point her mother had plopped down in front of the small television they owned , on the dingy couch with a rip in one of the cushions and a stain on the other . " Sure , go ahead , " her mother said absently , concentrating on something on the screen . " Just don 't get too far from the stoop . " Instead of immediately running out to play , Marta went into the kitchen and started digging around for things . Eventually , she found a can of soda and a package of cupcakes and stuffed them into the pockets of her shorts . Though she tried to sneak past her mother so they wouldn 't be seen , she really needn 't have bothered . Her mother didn 't give her a single glance as she went out the door . Marta rushed down the stairs , out the front door of the apartment , and down the block back toward where she 'd seen the Prince . She was so excited to see him again ! But as she ran down the block where she was sure he had been , she could not find him . He was no longer occupying the alley , nor was he in any of the nearby ones . Undeterred , Marta walked up and down the nearby blocks , looking for the Prince again . She passed by a group of kids playing stoop ball and , for a few moments , had the urge to abandon her search and join them . But she pressed on , looking for the Prince anyway . She passed another group of kids standing on the corner , including several older teenagers . A few of them shouted at her as she put her head down and scurried past without looking . After what seemed like forever , Marta was finally growing frustrated with her search . It had been only an hour in actuality , but to Marta it seemed much greater . She sat down on the curb and placed her head in her hands , pouting and wondering where the Prince had gotten off to . Was he hiding from her ? Has he , when he thought she couldn 't hear him , also said he wished she 'd never been born ? She decided to give up . As she stood to return home , she realized she had wandered far and had no idea where she was . For a few minutes she stood frozen , staring up at street signs she didn 't recognize . Which way was her home ? She knew the street she lived on and a few near it , but none others . Nervously , she glanced up and down the street . There were some other kids playing . . . She could ask them , but would they know either ? Figuring she had nothing to lose , she ran up and asked . They stared at her with wide eyes and one of the boys said , " Go away , white girl , " and another said , " I dunno " and the rest didn 't answer at all so she turned and walked off . There were only a few adults on the street , but she didn 't trust them enough to go ask . Her mother had warned her about talking to strangers and all of these people were strangers . There was one type of stranger she was allowed to talk to - police officers - but she didn 't see any around . Not many came around the neighborhood unless they were there to arrest someone . Finally , she decided the only thing to do was pick a direction and walk in it , so she did that . She walked and walked , looking for a street that was familiar . After what seemed like forever ( though , again , this was only because time moved differently for a young child . She had been walking for only fifteen minutes ) , she still had not seen anything resembling her street . Just as she was about to give up hope , she spotted a police car sitting at a stop sign . Marta ran toward it , waving her hands to be noticed . But just before she got there , the car 's lights flashed on , it let out a high pitched squeak , and it sped off . Marta squatted down on the edge of the sidewalk and buried her head between her knees . With a ragged sucking in of breath , she began to cry . " Why do you cry , little girl ? " a familiar voice asked . It immediately snapped her out of her gloom . She straightened up and spun around to see the Prince , looking as he had earlier in the day , squatting in an alley . She broke into a huge grin and ran over toward him . " I was looking for you , Prince ! " she said . She pursed her lips and looked at him again . In the light of the day he seemed much less imposing than he had before . The whites of his eyes were yellowed , his skin was blotchy , his teeth were bad ( one of them had turned brown ) . Now that she was standing close to him without her mother yelling , she could smell the stench of sweat , grime , and waste that had collected on him over days or weeks gone without bathing . Even so , he had helped her . " I wanted to give you these , " she said , reaching into her pockets . The cupcakes had been squished and the soda was now warm , but she handed them to the Prince anyway . He nearly snatched them from her hands , tearing the package open on the cupcakes and devouring them without much thought to their appearance . The soda he approached less enthusiastically . " Your parents don 't have any booze ? " he asked . " What 's that ? " " I 'm not allowed to take those , " she told him . He looked like he was about to press her on the matter , but instead fell silent . After a moment he cracked open the soda and took a long drink of it , emptying half the can in one go . Then he sat the can down and stared forward at nothing in particular for a long time . The Prince turned his head just slightly so he could see her out of the corner of his eyes . " So it seems , " he said . " I 'm sorry , " Marta said . " It 's not your fault , little girl , " he said . The Prince made his crinkly laugh . " That is an answer that is probably too complicated for a little girl to understand , " he said . " Oh , ok , " she said , though she thought he wasn 't really being honest . She thought about it some more and said , " But if you 're a prince , how come you don 't have a castle ? " He grinned wide at that , his brown molar looking ready to fall right out of his mouth . " The entire city is my castle , little girl . You wonder , then , why I sit in a dirty alley instead of in a luxury apartment , don 't you ? " She nodded her head ; though she hadn 't thought that exactly , it was close enough . " A prince can be a pauper at the same time , little girl . Never forget that . With great power comes great responsibility and responsibility does not always allow a prince to earn his bread in these times . " " Ok , " she said even though she didn 't understand what he was saying . " I promise not to forget that . " Even though she didn 't understand the words , she was already memorizing them in her head . She would figure them out later . Maybe she would ask her dad to help her . Marta nodded her head . " I promise , " she repeated . To prove it , she said , " With great power comes great responsibility and responsibility does not always allow a prince to earn his bread in these times . " The Prince laughed again and shook his head slowly . " A clever , clever girl , " he said . " You are a dangerous one , but one to watch too . " He lifted the can of soda and took a slow sip of it . " So , little girl , what now ? " Marta shrugged her shoulders . " A long time , " she said . The Prince took another sip of his soda and nodded solemnly . " Then you should return home . " He reached out and placed his hand gently on Marta 's shoulder . " Your street is five blocks down that way . " He pointed back the direction Marta had been walking . " When you reach that street , turn left and head down it for three blocks and you will have found your home again . Understand ? " Marta nodded . " Five blocks that way , turn left , and then three blocks , " she repeated . She kept repeating it in her head , alternating with the Prince 's earlier words , in an effort to memorize them . The Prince 's hand slid down from her shoulder , to the small of her back , and he pushed her out of the alley . " Then go home , little girl . Your parents will be worried . " A wry smile slashed across the Prince 's face . " You should not have found me this time , little girl . You might not find me again , but I cannot say that for certain . I can find you , though , and I just might . Now go away . " Marta stared at him for a minute , then strongly nodded her head and ran off . She followed the Prince 's directions exactly and found herself back at her apartment building in no time . When she got back inside , her mother was waiting for her , glaring . " Where were you ? " she yelled , grabbing her daughter by the wrist and yanking her down the hallway . Marta knew better than to try to explain , so she just stayed quiet . " I told you not to go away from the stoop but you did anyway ! Your father and I thought you 'd been taken or something worse ! " She slapped Marta on the butt so hard it propelled her into her bedroom . Her mother slammed the door shut behind her . " Now you stay in there and think about what you did ! And don 't you dare come out ! " Marta could hear her mother 's feet stomping away from the doorway . She ran over and pressed her ear against the door without daring to open it . She could just barely hear her mother talking to her father . " Who knows ? She wasn 't where she was supposed to be , which means she wasn 't listening to me . That stupid girl 's gonna get herself kidnapped or something . " " Hey , if someone wants to take her , they can have her , " her father said . Marta slowly backed away from the door and sat on the edge of her bed . " With great power comes great responsibility and responsibility does not always allow a prince to earn his bread in these times , " she repeated to herself . Marta woke up later that night with her stomach growling . Her mother had never come to let her out of her room , so she had never eaten dinner . She went to bed hungry , and now she woke hungry . She looked over at the glowing red lights of her clock , which read 2 : 30 AM . Her parents were probably already long asleep , she decided . But if she made too much noise and woke them up , she would have to deal with being yelled at . . . Instead , she climbed out her window and ascended the fire escape to the roof . When she saw the Prince standing there , she wasn 't surprised at all . His clothes were even nicer than they 'd been the first nice . His pants looked newly pressed , while his shoes shined even in the dim night lights . " I was wondering when you 'd come up , little girl , " he said with a debonair smile . His teeth were suddenly straight and white again , his eyes bright and powerful . " You look different , " she said to him . He held out his arm and tugged at the cuff of his shirt . " I do indeed , " he said . " I am , after all , the Prince of the City 's Lights and tonight are many lights lit . " He quirked his head and regarded Marta with a twinkle in his eye . " I could do this for you , as well . " Marta looked down at her clothes . She wore an old pair of pajamas that were now three sizes too small for her at least . Even her regular clothes were hand - me - downs from cousins and family friends or pieces picked from the bargain aisles of department stores . " Could you really ? " she asked , staring at the Prince 's clothes with awe . " I could , and I will , if you wish , little girl , " he held out a gloved hand to her , beckoning her to come toward him . Hesitantly , she took a step forward , then reached up and took his hand . She felt flush and tingled all over as the Prince pulled her toward him , lifting her off her feet and pressing her against his chest . Immediately she felt different , but she couldn 't see what had changed . " I want to see ! " she said . " Where are we going ? " Marta asked , but the Prince did not answer . Instead , he carried her to the edge of the building . He stepped up onto the wall , then sprang off . Marta squealed as they soared through the air , only to land gracefully on the next building over . The Prince took off running again , still holding her tight as the wind ruffled her hair . Again he leapt from the roof of this building to the next , gaining momentum with each landing , moving faster and faster until it seemed they were going as fast as a person in a car . It seemed his feet barely touched the roof of a building as he took two or three delicate steps and jumped once more . She stared down at the ground passing beneath them , mouth open and eyes wide . They turned and jumped over a street . A few scattered people were walking down the sidewalk and a car drove quietly down the street . None looked up to see the man with a little girl in his arms springing through the night air . Marta squealed in wonder . They gradually made their way downtown , toward the parts of the city which were still bright with overwhelming lights despite the late hour . People still crowded the streets and cars - mostly taxis - drove up and down the streets , searching for intoxicated tourists to ferry back to their hotels . The buildings here were too high , so the Prince descended to the ground level and let Marta out of his arms . Now she looked down at herself and could see what she wore . It was a mostly - black dress which flared out at her hips into a long ballerina skirt ringed with pink lace . It had a tight top with a square cut and two thin straps holding the dress up . Though her upper arms were bare , she wore two long white gloves which reached above her elbows . The Prince grinned down at her . " Ah , you like the dress ? " he asked . She looked up , awe struck , and nodded . " Then you have not yet seen the best part . " He gestured at a dark store window and suddenly a street lamp swelled up brightly behind them , letting her see her reflection in the window as surely as if it were a mirror . Her long red hair , which was normally wavy and plain , had been done up in loose curls , causing it to frame her head and barely reach her shoulders . Her cheeks were rosy , her skin flawlessly pale , her brown eyes bright and shimmering , her teeth strangely adult , her lashes long and full . There wasn 't a hint of makeup , though . She supposed she was still too young for that , even when there was magic in the air . Most striking , though , was the jewelry . Glittery earrings dangled from her ears . She reached up and touched them in awe , as she 'd never had hear ears pierced . Yet there they were , hanging as if they were supposed to be there . And around her neck hung a beautiful gemstone of some sort , multifaceted and twinkling in the light of the streetlamp . Slowly she turned back to the Prince , who was bowed at his waist and offering a hand to her . " Little girl , " he said . She took his hand and together they walked down the streets . Despite their clothing , or the fact she was so young , no one gave them a second glance . " Where do you wish to go tonight ? " the Prince asked her . Before she could answer , her stomach growled . She blushed , but the Prince let out his raspy laugh . " Dinner it is , then . " He swept her forward and within a few minutes , they found themselves outside a crowded restaurant , a long line of people waiting to get in , bright lights pouring from inside . " It 's open so late ! " Marta wondered . The Prince laughed again . " The prince waits for no one , little girl . " Her hand in his , he boldly strode to the doors , bypassing the line completely . No one stopped him or Marta ; indeed , no one seemed to notice them at all . Despite the lights outside , indoors it was much dimmer and far more subdued . Hushed patrons sat huddled around tables lit by candlelight . The Prince scooped two menus from the hands of a passing waitress without her even acknowledging him and walked briskly toward a lone table for two in the back . He pulled a chair out for Marta , who hopped up and sat down , her chest barely reaching above the edge . He sat down with a flourish and handed her a menu . The Prince glanced at his menu for only a moment before setting it aside . Marta gave hers more attention , but found herself bewildered by the offerings . Nothing seemed to have a name that made any sense to her . Everything was described in excruciating detail without words that had meaning . Seeing the look on her face brought another wave of crinkled laughter from the Prince . He placed his hand on the menu and gently pushed it down , out of Marta 's face . " I shall order for the both of us , little girl , " he said . " Ok , " she said . After a few minutes , a waitress came around and noticed them sitting at the table . She seemed confused , but took the Prince 's order nonetheless . She complimented Marta on her dress , but aside from that did not seem at all disturbed by a little girl being out with an adult man in the deepest parts of the night . As they sat there , Marta stared at the Prince and wondered . The wondering led to questions , which she finally built up the confidence to ask . " Can I ask you a question ? " she asked . The Prince laughed again . " I said you may ask questions , I did not tell you I would answer them . " Marta huffed and threw her arms over her chest . " Why can 't you tell me ? " she asked . An idea came to her . " I don 't believe you , " she said . " I don 't think you can tell me . I think you have to keep it secret . " The Prince 's smirk grew wider . " Think what you wish , clever little girl . But you won 't get me to give up my name that easily . " She huffed again and pouted out her bottom lip . Several long minutes passed where neither said a thing . Marta figured eventually the silence would crack the Prince and he would finally tell her his name , either out of pity or ( preferably ) a desire to avoid Marta 's anger . As if reading her mind , the Prince said , " I am used to solitude and silence . So don 't expect to break me so easily , little girl . " " Maybe I just don 't want to talk any more , " Marta said . " Very well , then , " the Prince answered her . Indeed , they did not say another word to each other until the meal came . Marta wasn 't sure what her dish was , but it was the most delicious thing she 'd ever had . It was sweet and savory and made her belly warm . She wanted to gobble it up , but forced herself to chew slowly and relish it . Plus , even though she was here with the Prince , in the back of her mind she feared her mother yelling at her for eating too fast . " Like a pig , " he mother said . " If you keep eating like that you 'll get fat just like a little pig . " Before they finished , the Prince called over the waitress . " What is your finest wine ? " he asked . She said some words Marta didn 't understand and the Prince grinned wide , his white teeth almost a source of light on their own . " Very well , bring us a bottle of that . " The waitress returned moments later with a bottle in a bucket of ice , along with two glasses . She sat the glasses in front of the Prince and Marta . The Prince seized the bottle and poured a generous amount of bloodlike wine into his glass , then held it out for Marta . " Would you like a taste ? " he offered . After a moment 's contemplation , she nodded . He poured a thumbnail of wine into her glass , barely enough to fill the dimple where the stem met the cup . The Prince lifted his glass into the air and said , " To you , little girl . " Marta stared at her own glass , then gingerly raised it to her own lips . The droplets of wine trickled into her mouth , flooding it with a sharp , bitter flavor . She coughed and put the glass down , reaching out for her water as her eyes filled with tears . The Prince laughed and she wondered if he had somehow tricked her , though he had drank even more from the same bottle . . . " Perhaps wine is not for you , little girl , not yet , " he said . He refilled his own glass and drank deeply from it again , leaving it only a quarter full . They finished their meal , with the Prince draining the rest of the bottle of wine all by himself . She had seen her father drink before . She knew it made people get loud , clumsy , angry , and mean . Her worries that the Prince would be the same were unfounded as , once the two had finished their meals , the Prince asked , " Would the little girl care for desert ? " He stood and helped Marta out of her chair . He took her hand once more and the two of them began a brisk walk toward the exit . " Don 't we need to pay ? " she asked him . " Sadly , it grows late , " the Prince said . " I must return you home . " Marta started to protest , but the Prince lifted her into his arms and took off down the street . Soon , he was bounding from rooftop to rooftop and Marta 's breath was taken away . She was sure she could stay in his arms forever , watching the ground travel in a blur below . But all too soon they were back on her rooftop and he set her down . With disappointment , she realized she was no longer wearing her dress or jewelry . Her old , too - small pajamas were back . She touched her ears and found them as unpierced as ever . Even her hair had gone back to its long , unattractive waves . She looked up at the Prince and noticed he , too , had diminished somewhat . His gloves were no longer the smooth , supple leather they had seemed when he carried her . His shoes were scuffed and his shirt had a small spot on the collar . Seeing the look on her face , he crouched down before her . " You wish you were still as beautiful as you were tonight , don 't you ? " he asked . She nodded , small tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes . He suddenly cupped her cheek in his hand , rubbing it gently with his thumb . " Well , little girl , you are always that beautiful , " he said in a husky whisper . " I simply let the world see it . " His hand lingered for a moment , then fell away . The Prince froze in place for a minute , as if thinking about it . Then he turned slowly and smiled at Marta . " Goodnight , little girl . " With that he leapt away , into the night . It was several days more before she saw the Prince again . One night there was a tap tap tap on her window as she was heading to sleep . She sat up and looked over and saw him staring in . He was even more glorious than the previous time , as he had added a top hat and gold cufflinks to his wardrobe . Marta hopped out of bed and yanked the window open . The Prince held a finger to his lips , enjoining her to silence . She gasped and threw her hands over her mouth . He was right , of course . Her parents wouldn 't be in bed yet . She grinned behind her palms at their shared secret and then ascended the fire escape in front of him . He grinned . " Thank you , little girl , " he said . " I 'm afraid it won 't last , however . This early there are still plenty of folks awake . As the night drags on , well . . . " He shrugged his shoulders . Marta hopped up onto the ledge beside him , swinging her legs back and forth even though her heels hit the bricks . " Can you make me pretty again ? " she asked . " Of course , " the Prince said , reaching out with his gloved hand to cup Marta 's face . She felt the tingle pass through her again and she shuddered , before opening her eyes to find her black , pink - fringed dress and jewelry . She wished she could see her hair again , because she liked her hair most of all . She closed her eyes and let her head rest in the Prince 's palm . He gently caressed her cheek for just a second before pulling it away . Marta opened her eyes and looked up at him . " I brought a gift , tonight . " He hopped off the ledge and walked over to a corner , stooped down , and retrieved two silver bowls piled with ice cream and toppings . Marta squealed in joy when he brought them back . Hers had scoops of vanilla , chocolate , and strawberry between a split banana , topped with whipped cream , sprinkles , nuts , chocolate sauce , and cherries . She took her spoon and scooped out a huge , dripping bite . Moments before sticking it into her mouth , she froze , then turned to the Prince and bowed her head slightly . " Thank you , Prince . " Marta stuffed the bite into her mouth and squealed at how cold it was . But before it could even begin to bother her , she dug into her next bite . " Be careful , little girl , " the Prince said . " You don 't want to get your dress dirty . " She looked up at him with wide eyes . " Will it really get sticky ? " she asked . He winked at her and said , " Better safe than sorry . " Marta nodded and started to eat more carefully , slowly scooping out medium sized bites that wouldn 't drop on the way to her mouth . The Prince ate similarly , though his own bowl was much more modest . After several minutes of quiet eating , the Prince softly asked , " Have your parents been arguing lately , little girl ? " The Prince sighed and said , " Has it been often , then ? " Marta nodded before eating another bite , this time with a big chuck of banana in it . " They weren 't tonight , though . " " I see , " the Prince said , looking away and up into the sky . " Did you know there are hundreds of stars in the sky ? Even thousands ? Millions , perhaps . " Marta looked up at the sky but didn 't see anything but a yellow haze of light . " No , " she said . There were one or two stars she could see , sometimes , if she squinted really hard . And she 'd learned about stars in school and heard about them in songs . But hundreds or thousands ? That sounded like a joke to her . " Very well , " the Prince said . He put his hand over hers and suddenly she felt very dizzy and weak . Then everything started to get dark . Very dark , like the dark of being in her bedroom at night with the lights off and all the curtains closed . Then she looked up into the sky and her eyes went wide . There were so many stars ! All of them were so bright , too ! They twinkled magically , like little gems set in the darkness . She finally understood that song , now ! And there , in the middle , this long , dusty band like a beautiful necklace of jewels , stretching from one end of the sky to the next . She was amazed by it . It was like nothing she 'd ever seen . She was sure she could stare at the sky forever if it was like that . The Prince started to laugh . He kept laughing and Marta wondered what was so funny . So she tore herself away from the sky and turned to look at him . He wasn 't laughing . He was doubled over , coughing harshly . His wonderful clothing had degraded into little more than filthy rags . His face was splotched and his teeth were yellowed and brown . As she hopped off the ledge and ran to the Prince , Marta realized she was back in her pajamas . She rushed over to him and grabbed his arm . Almost immediately the Prince 's cough lessened . He straightened up and the city 's lights returned in an explosion of light . The Prince lowered himself to the ground and looked up at Marta , forcing a smile . " Did you see the stars , little girl ? " he asked , his voice strained and raspy . He put his hands on his knees and hung his head . " The lights went out , " he told her . " But now they are back . I will be better , soon . " With some effort , he stood , wobbled , and righted himself . He stumbled over to the ledge and started to climb up it . " I do not want you to see me like this , " he told her . He forced a smile , but it became a grimace . " Do not worry for me . I will recover . You should . . . go home , for now . " With that , he leapt from the edge of the building onto the one beside . He landed in a heap , but pushed himself to his feet and took off in a run , leaping away into the darkness . Marta watched him go until she could no longer imagine she saw him , then started the climb back toward her bedroom . When she slipped inside , she noticed her pajamas had a fresh hole in the knee . She wondered where that came from ; she didn 't remember ripping it on the roof . Days passed , then weeks , and yet the Prince never came back . At first , Marta was worried , then she became heart broken . She cried herself to sleep on the roof for several nights in a row , waiting for him to show up and never getting her wish . She wondered if the Prince had abandoned her . Perhaps seeing him when he was weakest had made him angry , she thought . Or maybe he had gotten in trouble , somehow . People had talked about the city - wide blackout that happened the night of her stargazing . No one could figure out what had happened , why the entire city 's lights had shut down all at once , nor why they 'd all come back on a few minutes later . The official story eventually became that something had overloaded the grid and , when it was removed , everything came back . She knew that wasn 't true . She knew the Prince had turned off the lights for her and suffered for it . That made her feel even more terrible . Three months had passed since she last saw the Prince . Finally , she was beginning to accept that he was not coming back . She didn 't know if she 'd been the cause or if there was something else that kept him away . But the pain had grown numb . One night , her parents were arguing again , as always . It was a cold evening ; the news said they might get an early snowfall that year . She knew she couldn 't go up onto the roof to sleep , she would surely freeze if she tried . So she lay in her bedroom , pillow over her head , trying to block out the sound of the yelling and screaming and things being thrown onto the ground . But it wasn 't working . It never worked . She squeezed her eyes shut and crammed the pillow down against her head as hard as she could , but the sounds still assaulted her . " Please stop , " she said softly to herself . " Please stop , please stop , please stop . " She repeated the mantra to herself , one that had become almost second nature . Sometimes it managed to lull her to sleep ; but on this night it was doing no good . Though her eyes were squeezed shut , tears still managed to escape from between her lids . She struggled not to burst into sobs . Her parents would hear that and then they would come in and yell at her or , even worse , start yelling at each other about it . She let out a choked off one despite her best efforts . She bit her tongue to try and keep the others from coming out , but she knew the leak would become a flood in a moment . Then a tingly feeling spread over her body . There was en electric shorting sound , then her parents stopped yelling . " Oh god dammit ! " her mother yelled . " The fucking electricity is out again . " " Really , are you going to fucking ride me about this in the fucking pitch dark ? Don 't be a crazy bitch . Let 's just go to bed . " " Fine ! " her mother yelled . The sound of her mother 's heavy footfalls sounded , then the sound of something crashing and her mother swearing . Then more footfalls and the door to her mother 's bedroom slamming shut . Marta leapt from the bed and ran to the window . She threw it open and ran up the fire escape . Before she was even half way up , she started yelling , " Prince ! Prince ! " But once she reached the roof , the Prince was nowhere to be found . " Prince ! " she wailed . " Prince ! " She collapsed to the ground and sat there shivering in the cold . She felt she could just fall down and die there . But the bitter cold stung and she pulled herself back to her feet and sadly returned to the bedroom . The next day , Marta resolved to go out and find the Prince herself , no matter what . Her mother bundled her up for school and left her out on the corner for the school bus , but as soon as she was out of sight , Marta scurried off . Even though it was so cold she could see her breath , and her nose ran even with a scarf wrapped around her face , she paid it no mind . She walked up and down the streets , peeking into every alley she came across to see if the Prince was back there . After what seemed like all day to her ( but was really only two hours ) , she felt frozen to the bone and ached all over and still hadn 't found the Prince . She wanted to sit down and cry , but then thought about the Prince seeing that and resolved not to . Pressing on , she kept walking up and down streets further and further from her home . She would find the Prince no matter how far she had to go . She promised herself she would not give up for any reason . Suddenly , she thought she saw him laying in a pile of dirty blankets halfway in an alley . Hope swelling within her breast , she rushed over and leapt on the pile , giving it a big hug . The pile let out a pained off and then started yelling at her in a voice she didn 't recognize . She shrieked and threw her hands over her ears and ran away . She wasn 't sure how far or where she ran to , but when she finally stopped she was out of breath and sweaty despite the cold . She had no idea where she was . She had no idea where the Prince was . Another hour of searching turned up no sign of the Prince either . With despair she began to realize how large the city was and how short her legs were and how long it would take her to search the entire thing for him . Plus , she realized , he could get up and move , so even if she checked every place a hundred times she still might not ever find him . But there must be a way , she thought . She had to be able to find him somehow . Then she spotted another homeless man , sitting in an alley huddled up against the cold . Marta took a deep breath and walked over to the man . He didn 't look up at her as she approached . " Excuse me , " she said nervously . The man looked up and Marta realized it wasn 't a man at all , but an old woman . That made Marta much less nervous , even as she said , " Whattya want ? " in a slur . The woman laughed and coughed at the same time . " Don 't make no sense , lookin ' for no prince . Ain 't no prince gonna come sweep me off my feet . " The woman looked at Marta through one open eye , her other squinted shut and slightly swollen . " You , maybe they will . Maybe they will , you 're a pretty little thing , so maybe they will . Ain 't no prince is coming for me . " Marta shook her head savagely . " No ! I don 't mean a prince , I mean the Prince ! He 's a homeless person too ! " " Eh ? " the homeless woman wondered . " Ain 't no homeless princes I know , for sure . Think they 'd have a castle or something to go to . " " The whole city is his castle , " Marta said . " He 's tall and black and has long braids - " for she did not know what a dreadlock was properly called - " and sometimes he wears really nice clothes and sometimes they 're really gross . " She thought about what he had looked like during the day , or right after he had turned all the lights off ( even though she 'd tried to forget that ) , and said , " He has a brown tooth right here , " she pointed to one of her molars . " And gloves without fingers . " The woman cackled . " That could be anyone , yep . Not a prince , though , he ain 't one . You want to find a homeless person , just look around . Plenty of them everywhere you look . Got one right here in front of you . I 'm homeless too , you know . Maybe whatever you were looking for him for you can use me for instead . How about that , huh ? I can do whatever he can do . " Marta sighed and shook her head and started walking away . After a few steps , the homeless lady started yelling and swearing at her . Marta covered her ears and ran again , but this time not nearly so fast nor so far . She was exhausted . She had no idea where to look for the Prince now . How could she ever find him ? There had to be thousands of people in the city ( there were really millions , but she could not have even imagined such a large number ) , how could she ever find one person among all those ? She wanted to cry . She wanted to scream . She wanted to throw a tantrum until the Prince came to save her . As she thought about it she became more and more angry until , finally , she stomped her foot in frustration . Almost instantly , the lights on a nearby police car started flashing wildly . The officer , who had been inside a nearby convenience store , came jogging out to examine it . Marta stared , mesmerized by the flashing red and blue lights . The officer seemed baffled by it and turned , bringing his eyes onto Marta . Seeing a young girl all alone out in the cold during a school day , the officer shouted for her . Marta leapt and turned and ran , the officer yelled for her to stop , but she turned down an alley and ran as fast as her legs could carry her . She wasn 't sure why she was running . Maybe it was because the officer would surely yell at her . Maybe she worried the officer would stop her from finding the Prince . Or maybe she worried that her parents would do worse than yell at her once the officer dragged her home . After scrambling through the alley , Marta looked back and saw she wasn 't being chased . However , she was hopelessly lost . Then she saw him . The Prince was walking out of a store , clutching a bottle wrapped in a brown bag . Marta squealed in joy and ran toward him , arms extended . " Prince ! " she yelped as she got near him . He turned at the last moment , his eyes glassy and bloodshot , as she crashed into his legs . The Prince stumbled and fell back against the wall as she hugged him . He looked down at her and said , " Little girl , " in a slurred voice . " Prince ! " she said , hugging him tight . " I missed you so much ! Where did you go ? Why didn 't you come to see me ! " He laid his hand on her forehead and shoved her away . She tripped back and fell on her butt . " Go away , " he said . As she struggled to get back to her feet , he stumbled away from her , down the street . Now that he bliss over seeing him had passed , she actually looked at him . He was worse than she had ever seen him . On his feet were only a pair of socks , wrapped in clear plastic bags , both full of holes . His jacket looked like it was fitted for a child , and had several holes in it as well , and looked nearly as thin as the plastic bags . His pants were soiled and splitting at the seams . Several of his dreadlocks had broken off and those which remained were frayed and filthy . Even so , he was the Prince . She ran after him , shouting for him to stop . " Please , Prince ! Come back ! Talk to me ! " The Prince ignored her , stumbling forward , making no specific attempt to escape her pursuit . Eventually , he came to an alley and lurched down it , out of sight briefly . Marta chased after him , hoping she wouldn 't lose him . As she turned the corner , she did not see him . Her heart sank . Then she noticed that he was merely lying on the ground , in a pile of garbage . " What happened ? " the Prince asked . He laughed , it almost immediately becoming a cough . " I 'm not the Prince any more , that 's what happened . The lights , they 're nothing to me now . I 'm nothing to them . I guess that 's more important . " He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a swig . Marta could smell the stench of alcohol on him even from where she stood . " Why ? " The Prince looked like he tried to shrug . " I did too much . I turned off all the lights , " the Prince said . " Never all the lights before . I shouldn 't have done all the lights . It was bad . It was wrong . I lost myself to the lights . I said I would get better . . . I didn 't . I didn 't get better . I got worse . " His eyes scrunched up in pain . " I tried to get them back . I tried so hard , little girl . But the lights didn 't come back . They 'll never come back . They 're gone . The lights are gone . " For a moment , the Prince 's eyes cleared . Then he shook his head and they glazed over again . " No , it couldn 't be . It wasn 't me . I wasn 't near your building . I went back , once , to try to find the lights . But they weren 't there , even though they 're everywhere . They weren 't there for me . I looked for them , but they weren 't there . " " Coincidence , " the Prince said sadly . " Do you know what that is ? It means when two things happen by chance without anything to do with each other . I didn 't flip that switch . It flipped without me . " Marta stared at the Prince , sad and broken laying a heap of trash . He took another swig of the potent , cheap liquor and a wave of pain and relief passed over his face . " I want to help you , " she said . " You can 't help me , " he muttered . " Go away . Don 't waste yourself on me . " He let his arm drop to his side and his head fall . He gurgled and his body convulsed , then a mouthful of watery vomit erupted from him , coating his chest . It stank enough to almost make Marta sick . She started to cry , hoping her tears would rouse the Prince from his stupor . Nothing happened , even after a full minute of crying . " Please , Prince , wake up , " she whimpered , but he remained immobile . Finally , the tears dried up and Marta started to leave the alley . Just before she stepped out , someone else stepped into her way . " Hey there , girlie , " the man said . " What 're you doing back here ? " His voice was not friendly . Marta took a step back , away from him . " Nothing . I 'm leaving , " she said , avoiding eye contact . The man sneered . " I don 't think you are , " he said . He stepped into the alley after her and she saw there were two other men behind him . " Not until you give me what I want . " " What do you want ? " she asked hesitantly , taking another step backward . She glanced over her shoulder . " You got any money ? " one of the other men said . " Give us all your money . " " Not until you take off your jacket , " the third man insisted . " Just give it to me and I 'll let you go , ok ? " The other two men murmured their agreement . Uncertainly , Marta started to take her jacket off and said , " Ok . . . " Without her jacket , it was bitterly cold . She shivered even as she handed the jacket to the man , who snatched it away from her . " Those are nice shoes too , " the first man said . " Take your shoes off . " The three men laughed . " We changed our minds , " the first man said . " But if you give me your shoes , I promise we 'll let you go this time . " They laughed harshly again . Before Marta could do anything , the Prince leapt up and swung his bottle at the head of the first man . The bottle only glanced off his shoulder and surprisingly didn 't break , but the man was knocked backward into the other two . They all fell to the ground . " Run , little girl ! " the Prince shouted . In retrospect , Marta realized she should have run out of the alley . But in her terror she turned and ran deeper into it . When the Prince realized what she was doing he cursed and ran after her . He scooped her into his arms and continued sprinting down the alley as the three men had already stood and were giving chase . The alley split into two at the end and he turned blindly down one side . It ended in a set of stairs that led down toward a door , with no other exit . The prince cursed again and stumbled down the steps two at a time . He grabbed the handle and yanked it , surprisingly finding the door unlocked . He jumped in and threw the door shut , leaning his weight back against it . They were in a fairly large room , about twenty feet by twenty feet in size , lit by a string of dim fluorescent overhead bulbs . Aside from the two of them , the room was bare save a single fuse box at set into the wall . The Prince groped at the door , looking for a lock but unable to find one . The door was suddenly flung open and the three men entered , wearing angrily sadistic expressions . " Gotcha , " the first man said . " Please , wait , " the Prince tried to beg , but the men were already on top of him . They threw him down to the ground and began raining blows down on him . The Prince vainly tried to curl into a ball and cover his head with his arms , but the men kicked and stomped on him without mercy . " Stop , " Marta muttered in horror . One of the men briefly glanced up at her and flashed a wicked grin . There was no way she was getting past them . " Stop , " she said , even stronger . The men continued to pummel the Prince , who was starting to bleed from several nasty cuts on his face . He let out a strained cough , producing a glob of bile and blood . Marta felt helpless . She wanted to do something , but what could she do against the three men ? " Stop . " The Prince had tried to save her , even though she had cost him his lights . " Stop . " Now he was paying for it . She realized the men were going to kill him . They wouldn 't stop until the Prince was dead . " Stop . " And what would they do to her ? Would they kill her too ? Or something even worse ? Who would be able to identify the men ? Who would ever bring them to justice ? " Stop ! " Terror and anger swelled up in Marta 's chest . " STOP ! " she screamed at the top of her lungs . The lights flashed a brilliant , blinding white . It was so sudden and so bright the three men were blinded by it . Marta looked down , amazed , at herself . Her school clothes had transformed into the black - and - pink dress . The sparkling stone hung around her neck and she could feel the weight of the earrings in her ears . The Prince sat up , looking at himself in amazement . His pains were gone . His clothes had been restored to the brilliance of the night before he had lost his lights . He flowed with vigor . The three men who had attacked him lay on the floor , clutching their seared eyes . Moans of pain and confusion escaped their lips . The Prince stood and turned to Marta , awe on his face . " You did this , " he said to her . " You spoke to the lights . " The Prince looked down at the men . One of them weakly reached a hand out and brushed the Prince 's leg . The Prince kicked it away and the man groaned . " And stop they did , " the Prince said . He looked back to Marta . " What should we do with them ? " Marta took a step over the men , toward the door . " Then leave them . I don 't think they 'll ever see again . " She stepped out the door . " You might be right , " the Prince said , following her out . The Prince led Marta home . When she got back to the apartment , a police officer was sitting with her parents . Her mother wailed and threw her arms around Marta when she walked in the door . She cried out , thanking everything she could think of for " her baby " being safe . Her father sniffled and wiped at his eyes as well . The police asked Marta many questions . " I went for a walk , " she said cheerfully . She didn 't tell them about the Prince , or anything else that had happened that day . They tried to figure out why she hadn 't gone to school , what had made her decide to walk away from the bus stop , if anyone had taken her or hurt her or did anything to her . But she insisted she was fine , that she had done it on her own . Eventually they were satisfied that it was simply a case of a child making a terrible decision . Her mother promised the police she would wait at the stop to make sure Marta got on , instead of leaving her with the other children . Marta felt a swell in her chest to hear her mother saying such things . But as soon as the police left , she began yelling . She screamed at Marta for not going to school . " Do you know how that made me look ? " she yelled . " The police thought I was neglecting you ! Or worse , they thought I 'd gotten rid of you ! Why would you do that ? Are you stupid ? " That went on for quite a while , with her father getting in a few licks of his own . Finally , they sent Marta to her room , sore and drained , and forbade her from leaving . That night , she climbed onto the roof and found the Prince waiting for her . He looked majestic , as always . Marta matched him , her hair in perfect coils , black dress prettily trimmed with pink lace , cheeks rosy . She smiled and he smiled back . " With great power comes great responsibility and responsibility does not always allow a prince to earn his bread in these times , " she said to him . " Yes , Prince , I did , " she said . " I don 't want to stay here any more . I can 't stay here any more . " The Prince laughed and it was only slightly raspy . " I know , little girl , and I don 't want you to stay . You have to come with me . There is much you need to learn . Are you ready to go ? " The Prince reached out his gloved hand . " Then come , Marta . Let 's go . " Check out other stories that are Short Story , Fantastic Earth , Fantasy , Urban Fantasy . Permalink to Prince of the City 's Lights . Stories |
Disclaimer : Do you honestly think I have anything to do with the Pokemon franchise ? Yeah that 's what I thought . Anyway , on with the story . . . Hmmm , I thought , studying my map again . Looks like the shortest way back to New Bark Town is this road . I traced it with my finger . Slowly a voice came into my consciousness . No , two voices . Two voices that were arguing . They 'd apparently been arguing for a while , but I hadn 't noticed . Ok , maybe I had , but I guess I 'm so used to hearing this same type of argument that I subconsciously tune it out while I try to find a way out of the situation . Oh yeah , you 're probably wondering what I 'm talking about right ? Well let 's tune in shall we ? Yep , Ash and Misty were arguing again . Happens every time we get lost . I exchanged a glance with Pikachu , who had an annoyed expression on its face . I 'm not sure why those two don 't just wait for me to trace out the route on the map , and then get going , but I do have a theory on why they argue so much . As you may be able to tell , I 'm frequently lost in thought . I think about things and Pokemon I 've seen , people I 've met , all of the Nurse Joys in every Pokemon Center . . . . ooohhhh . . . . ok , get ahold of yourself , Brock . You 've got to tell the story . Anyway , recently I 've been thinking about lots of little " hints " I 've noticed since way back when I first met Misty and Ash . I 've suspected for quite some time now that she likes him , but is nervous about showing it . It 's probably because , in her mind , Ash thinks she 's only following him to remind him of the bike . . . but I don 't believe that for a minute . " Well it 's getting dark , we might as well camp out for the night since we 're lost anyway . Do you think this is a good place , Brock ? " I was snapped out of my thoughts by Ash 's question . I looked around . " Yeah this looks good , " I replied . We were in a small clearing surrounded by trees . One tree stump was off by itself , and it was big enough to make a perfect table . As I prepared supper , I noticed with mild amusement that my two young friends had apparently forgotten their earlier argument . They were going through their camp - out routine now : unpacking their sleeping bags , placing them next to each other but not too close , separately going into the woods to change into their pajamas . . . it 's second nature to all of us by now . Yes , I know what you 're thinking . You 've got a sharp mind . I did say they usually place their sleeping bags next to each other . Neither one has admitted any true affections , yet this sleeping bag thing seems to be a normal thing that they 're comfortable with . Neither of them seem to want to go any farther towards admitting anything than that . That is of course if they have anything to admit . I looked down at what I was doing , and was surprised to find that I 'd automatically prepared rice balls . I 've heard of people being able to do things in their sleep , but while wrapped up in thought ? Weird . Didn 't know I could do that . Hiding my surprise I called out , " Rice balls are ready ! " As I cleaned up , I started to think again . We 've been travelling for over three years now . I 've suspected that those two like each other for quite some time now , but I haven 't said or done anything because I wanted to let them work it out for themselves . But now that it 's been three years , I 'm starting to wonder if they ever will . Ok , that 's it . I 've decided . I 'm going to watch for my chance , and try to help these two get together . They 're my best friends in the world , and if my suspicions are correct , it must have been really hard on them holding back their feelings for all this time . Later that night , I was awakened by a noise . Half - expecting yet another Team Rocket attack , I instictively reached for my vest which was lying next to my sleeping back . It held my Pokeballs , and I was ready to call out Onix if necessary . As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I looked around . No Meowth balloon , no Jessie and James . Must have been a false alarm . From my lying position , I craned my neck to look at Ash and Misty 's sleeping bags on the other side of the campfire we 'd extinguished earlier . Ash was still sound asleep , but where was Misty ? I quietly sat up a little straighter and took a better look around the clearing . A little distance away at the edge of the clearing , with her back to me , I could barely make out Misty sitting , staring into the woods . It looked like she was sitting with his knees drawn up and her chin resting on them . Maybe I was overly alert because of my earlier thoughts , but in any case I had a strong feeling that I now needed to be especially quiet to make sure not to awaken Ash . As quietly as I could , I slipped out of my sleeping bag , crept over next to Misty , and sat down . She seemed to acknowledge my presence , but kept staring straight ahead . " Well . . . I used to be really optimistic . When we were still in Kanto the three of us did fun stuff together like the Princess Festival and Kids ' Day , but over the last few months all Ash has wanted to do is train and go after his next badge . " She then turned to look at me . Even though it was dark , I could see a tear forming in her eye . " What if this continues , Brock ? What if all he wants to do from now on is train and battle ? I 'll . . . I 'll lose him . " I handed Misty a tissue , as I sensed that she was about to start crying again . I thought for a moment , trying to choose my words carefully . " You two are my best friends , and I wouldn 't want to see him drift away like that either . The three of us have been through too much together over the last couple of years . " I paused for a moment . I really meant what I said , and I hoped Misty understood that . " Maybe we should get some sleep , we 'll both be able to think better in the morning . " The next morning , as we were eating breakfast , I decided to try to talk to Ash alone . He isn 't the best person in the world at putting two and two together , so I thought my best chance was to tell him outright what Misty had confessed last night . Now to figure out a way to separate ourselves . . . got it . " Would you do the dishes , Misty ? Ash and I are going on a short walk to look for berries . I 'm going to make something different for supper tonight . " She hesitated . She knew that it was a strange request , because I usually took care of all that myself , but then understanding dawned in her eyes and she agreed . Ash hadn 't noticed any of this . Pikachu had playfully swiped one of his rice balls and was holding it just out of Ash 's reach , with Ash pleading to have it back . Amused , I watched the scene for a moment , then broke it up . " C ' mon Ash , let 's see if we can find some berries . I bought a new recipe book at the last PokeMart . " " A new recipe book ? Say no more ! " responded my food - loving friend . Leaving Pikachu to finish eating and play with Togepi , he jumped up to join me . I smiled inwardly . It really meant a lot to me to have my best friends love my cooking so much . I made a mental note to let them know that sometime soon , but now wasn 't the time , I had to talk to Ash . Ash pushed ahead , no doubt anticipating tasting that new jam on some rolls or sandwiches . I glanced back . We were out of earshot of Misty and the camp , now was as good a time as any . " Ash , hold up . I need to talk to you for a minute . " Ash froze in place , then turned around with a serious expression on his face . " What is it ? " he asked . I guess something in my tone of voice made him realize that there was more to this than berries . I paused . I thought I 'd be all right with this , but I should have planned my words a little better . Oh well , here goes nothing . . . " What do you think of Misty ? " I smiled slightly . " Think about it . The three of us have been travelling together for what , a little over three years now ? Which means you 've spent a lot of time around Misty , like it or not . And when a guy spends a lot of time around a girl , you know what can sometimes happen . . . " I let the thought dangle , hoping Ash would get the hint . He did . " Whaaaaaaaaaa ? " A large sweatdrop formed at the side of his head . " You think I . . . " he couldn 't say those last two words . I couldn 't help but grin at his embarrasment , but feel sorry for him at the same time , since I was the one who made him embarrassed . " Thanks , Ash , you just confirmed my suspicions . Hey , I think I see some berries over there . " I said , pointing . " Wait a second , you 're not getting away that easily ! What makes you think I . . . " again , he couldn 't say the next two words . He was debating something with himself , and I knew exactly what it was . " . . . But in some ways you 're really comfortable with each other . It 's funny how two people who argue as much as you two do don 't seem to mind having their sleeping bags practically next to each other . And that time in that big clearing a while ago . . . you two were tending to your Pokemon , sitting under a tree , but you were sitting almost next to each other . Strange , coming from a guy and girl who fight so much . " My words had had the desired effect . Ash was speechless , probably trying to think of some way to refute what I was saying . " And not only THAT . . . " I filled him in on what Misty had told me last night . Ash 's face suddenly hardened . He had that determined look in his eyes again . Maybe that 's one of the things Misty likes so much about him , his unfailing determination . " C ' mon Brock , let 's pick those berries you saw . I 've got an idea . " To my relief , Ash shook his head . " Nope , it 's just that we told Misty we were going here to look for berries . She 'd get suspicious if we came back without ' em . " Later , after I had made the Mint Berry Jam , I fished some bagels out of my backpack and spread the jam on them . My friends loved it , they even offered some to Pikachu and Togepi , who shared their enthusiasm . I tasted it myself and was quite pleased with my cooking . Anyway , enough about that . You 're probably more interested in what Ash 's idea was right ? OK , let 's fast - forward to the next afternoon . We had just entered the Pokemon Center in the next town , Evergreen City , which wasn 't far from Cerulean City . We dropped our Pokeballs off to Nurse Joy and got our room assignments , and I vaguely remember saying something to her about how I knew right away that we were made for each other and how I 'd gladly stay and help her in her duties . The next few moments are a total blank , though . The next thing I remember , I felt a sharp pulling on my ear and felt my feet scuffing along the floor as I was being dragged off . I came to my senses and twisted away from Misty 's grasp , rubbing my ear in silent protest . " Good idea , " I said , looking forward to being in the presence of the beautiful nurse again . Before I could make a move to follow him though , Ash held out his hand to stop me . " Better wait here , Brock , it 'll be easier for me to get an answer without you asking her to marry you or something . " My face fell , but I knew he was right . I just lose all sense of . . . everything around a pretty girl , and I guess Ash didn 't want to have to drag me off before he found out anything about a dance . I 'd hardly finished my thoughts when Ash returned from the desk , looking excited . " There 's going to be a dance tonight in the banquet hall of the Evergreen City Hotel . I asked about tickets , and she said it was free ! " " Yeah , the hotel 's celebrating the tenth anniversary of its opening or something like that . Now I 'm going to go tell Misty about it . I can 't wait to see the look on her face ! " Ash had good reason for that last comment . The past several times we 'd heard about a dance , Misty had wanted to go , but Ash was either too focused on training to notice , or we couldn 't afford the tickets . I think that might have been one of the reasons I 'd found Misty crying two nights previously . We all knew Misty loved romantic things like dances , so I guess the times that we couldn 't go must have really disappointed her . But it looked like all that was about to change , and I was proud of Ash for taking steps to give Misty something I now knew she really wanted . " I can 't miss this tonight , " I said . " I 'm coming too , but I 'll let you two alone . By the way , how do we have to dress for this dance ? " " Right . You wouldn 't catch me at one of those ultra - formal things anyway , " Ash said , rolling his eyes . He hated dressing up . " Well , I 'm gonna go give Misty the news , then I 'll meet you in our room . " " OK . I 'm gonna go across to the store , I think we 're all running low on lemonade for our Pokemon . " With that , we split up , but I hung back for a few minutes , listening for Misty 's reaction . Our rooms were near the end of the hallway to the right of the reception desk , and even from that far away I could hear Misty 's exclamation of delight at the news of the dance . I was tempted to take a peek down the hallway to see if she was hugging Ash in joy or something , but I didn 't want to get caught spying on them , so I went to the store and quickly purchased the lemonade we needed . After discovering not too long ago that lemonade was , dollar - for - dollar , the best healing item for Pokemon available , we all switched to using it instead of Super and Hyper Potions . We also liked to drink some of the lemonade ourselves every now and then if we had some extra . That evening , I arrived at the banquet hall of the hotel . It had been agreed that we would leave separately , since Ash wanted to walk there with Misty alone . They 'd even left Pikachu , Togepi , and their other Pokemon in Misty 's room back at the Pokemon Center . I 'd brought my Pokeballs with me , just in case . I was a little worried , since we were about due for another Team Rocket attack . It had occurred to me not long after my trip to the store that they 'd left us alone for the past several days , and while it was a welcome relief , I couldn 't help but wonder when their next strike was going to be . Ash would 've probably wondered the same thing , if he had stopped talking about Misty at all in the few hours before the dance . The last time he 'd danced with her was way back at Maiden 's Peak in Kanto , and he was visibly nervous . I suggested that he stick to the easy , basic slow dances , since that 's all he could do anyway . For the faster , free - form ones , it was just a matter of getting up and moving to the music . Ash seemed to take in my advice , but I could tell he was still nervous . But anyway , back to the present . I scanned the banquet hall , looking for my friends . The entrance was at the far east side of the room , and a few feet in front of me was the end of a long buffet table , up against the east wall . The room was rectangular , with the east and west walls forming the short sides . Immediately to my left were a couple of rows of round tables , which stretched parallel to the buffet table towards the north wall . The rest of the room , on my far left , was the dance floor . The place wasn 't TOO full , but it wasn 't totally empty either . I guessed that the room was at about half capacity for an event like this . Finally spotting my friends seated at one of the tables , each with a plate of food from the buffet , I stood in line , got a plate of my own , and found a seat where I could watch them , but was far enough away that I hoped they wouldn 't see me . I figured they 'd be too busy talking to each other to notice me anyway . It wasn 't long before they had finished their meal . Misty stood up from the table first and said something to Ash . He nodded and said a short reply , and I didn 't need to hear the conversation to know that she 'd just asked him to dance . The expression on his face was hard to read , he looked nervous and elated at the same time . A slow song was playing then , but even so , they were quickly lost in the crowd . I was starting to wish I was out there too , so I decided that there was no reason I couldn 't be . I scanned the room again , looking for a girl who wasn 't with a date . I 'd have to be really careful here . My body was telling me to run around and ask every girl in the room for a dance , but my mind really didn 't want to embarrass Ash and Misty , so I struggled to keep myself thinking straight . Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder . I turned around and received quite a shock when I saw that none other than Nurse Joy was standing in front of me . " Are you here alone ? " she asked . I couldn 't believe what was happening . My first instinct was to spring forward , clasp her hands in mine , and say , " Yes , but I 'll never be alone again if you 'll stay by my side forever ! " That was what my body wanted me to do . For some reason , my mind was winning the war that night though , so I said , " I came with a couple of friends , but they 're out dancing right now . I 'm curious though , if you 're here , who 's working at the Pokemon Center ? " Nurse Joy smiled . " I have to have time off sometimes , Brock . Officer Jenny is covering for me right now , but I 'm still on call . " She indicated the pager that was clipped to her belt . For this casual dance , she 'd exchanged her nurse 's uniform for a simple white t - shirt and blue jeans , and I thought she looked great . " Would you like to dance ? " " S - sure , " I said nervously . She offered her hand , and I took it as we moved out onto the dance floor . I STILL couldn 't believe this was happening ! I was actually dancing with one of the Nurse Joys ! I suddently realized that my hands were getting sweaty , as was the rest of me . " I - - I 've . . . never . . . danced with a . . . Nurse Joy . . . before , " I stammered . " I usually . . . get shot down or make a fool of myself before I can even get this far . " I hung my head a bit . " The truth is , I was about to tell you off as well for going crazy on me like you did earlier today at the Center . But then . . . and I 'm a little embarrassed to admit , I overheard the conversation between you and Ash . It was pretty slow this afternoon , and you weren 't quite talking quietly enough . I didn 't intend to overhear , it just happened , " she apologized . To my nod , she continued , " Then , as I went about healing your Pokemon , I noticed something . All of your Pokemon , and that applies to all three of you . . . they all look very healthy and extremely happy . I figured that someone who does as good a job at taking care of both his Pokemon and his friends deserves at least a chance . And you 've been a nice gentleman so far . " Nurse Joy smiled again . She had had my full attention during that whole conversation , and it was almost like I wasn 't capable of any other conscious thought , but some part of the back of my mind was still working . My subconscious suspected that maybe she didn 't get many dates herself because she was so dedicated to her work at the Pokemon Center . I made a mental note to find out about that later . " Right . . . I kinda lost track there for a minute , " I said , blushing . It was taking all my self - control not to gush over this girl like I 'd done before . Something about her was just putting me at ease , though , and I was slowly becoming more and more comfortable around her . Looking away from her finally , I let my eyes wander around as well . I finally spotted my friends on the other side of the dance floor from us . " Over there , " I whispered , nodding to the spot . " You can say that again , " I agreed . Ash and Misty had started out dancing almost at arm 's length . It was somewhat amusing to see , as Ash was quite awkward and nervous about the whole thing , but they now had drawn much closer . " You can say that again too , " I quipped . " She really has an effect on him . I 've been noticing it for quite a while now . " So you 've heard the expression " time flies when you 're having fun , " right ? Well , that 's what happened . Before I knew it , the song was over , so Joy and I went back to our seats . As we approached the table and I started to sit down , I suddenly became aware of something - - I was still holding Joy 's hand ! I hadn 't really thought about doing it or planned it or anything , it just happened . I also realized that the nervousness of the night so far had left me a little dehydrated , so I decided to take the opportunity to practice some old - fashioned chivalry , something this Joy seemed to like . " Would you like something to drink ? " I asked her . " Coming right up . " I got up again and headed to the drink table , which was only a few steps away in the corner , still surprised at the degree of . . . normal - ness that I had been behaving with . I was more convinced now that Joy was having an effect on me , somehow making me comfortable around her and not prone to my usual behavior around girls . I glanced at the partially empty bottles near the punch bowl to try and guess what the punch contained . Fortunately , they were all various flavors of pop and juice , no alcohol . I poured two glasses of punch , returned to our table , gave one to Joy , and sat back down . Looking into Joy 's eyes , I noticed that she was staring at something behind me and slowly starting to form a smile , so I turned around to see Ash and Misty walking toward us . At first I wondered why Joy was smiling simply at their approach . Then , when I looked more closely , I realized to my surprise that they were holding hands , just like Joy and I had been after the dance . When considering how positively the night had been going , I guess that shouldn 't have surprised me much , but it did anyway . " So . . . I noticed you guys managed to dance . That wasn 't so hard , was it , Ash ? " I asked with a grin . The pleased look on his face was the only response I needed . Misty was the first of the two to speak . " Brock , I wanted to thank you for what you did . If it wasn 't for you , this whole thing never would 've happened . " A lot of things had surprised me that night , and what Misty did next only added to the list . She let go of Ash 's hand , bent over to where I was sitting , and gave me a gratitude - filled hug . Whispering in my ear , she said , " You really mean a lot to me , Brock . You 're the closest I 've ever had to a brother . " I glanced at Nurse Joy , who was smiling as she watched the exchange . I wondered if she heard what Misty whispered to me , but put that thought aside as the beginnings of a tear formed in the corner of my eye . Misty let go , straightened up , and took Ash 's hand again . Then it was Ash 's turn to speak . " We were talking out on the dance floor , and we figured that this might have actually been hard for you to do . Misty thought you might have been worried that if we got together , we 'd want to be together all the time and you 'd get left behind . I was gonna tell you that we 'd never do that , " he glanced at Nurse Joy , " but instead I want to congratulate you . " I smiled warmly at Nurse Joy . " It 's different this time , guys . " Suddenly , the mood was broken by an all - too - familiar double laugh from behind Ash and Misty . They spun around , and Nurse Joy and I stood up for a better look . Across the room at the DJ table , the two DJs sprang out from behind the table and flipped off the baseball caps they 'd been wearing pulled low over their eyes . We could now see that one of them had blue hair parted in the middle , and the other had long , waist - length red hair . " Oh , no , not now . . . " I groaned . They ripped off the sweatshirts and jeans they 'd been wearing to show their Team Rocket uniforms , leaving no doubt that they were Jessie and James , and started their motto . " Why do you losers always show up at the worst possible times ? " I snapped . The night had been going perfectly , and although I 'd feared that they might be coming , their actual presence still ruined things . Jessie crossed her arms . " Hmph . Your Pokemon , what else ? This is a big event with lots of Pokemon trainers in attendance , which means lots of Pokemon for us to steal ! " Without further ado , Meowth pulled a remote from behind his back and pushed a button . In response , one of the stereo 's large speakers seemed to " grow " by several extra sliding panels . A couple seconds later , it had grown to several times its original size ! It was now approximately 15 feet tall and about 6 feet wide . A vacuum hose extended from it , and it began powerfully sucking in anything in its path . I realized that Meowth 's remote also controlled the hose itself , as it methodically went from person to person , looking for any Pokeballs they had . Fortunately most people , like Ash and Misty , seemed to have left whatever Pokemon they had at home or elsewhere , since the hose only sucked up Pokeballs from a few of the people . But it 's hard to get moving air to be selective , so anything else in the hose 's path was being sucked up as well . I grabbed his arm and yelled to be heard over the din . " No , not yet ! You and Misty don 't have your Pokemon , remember ! And if I try to battle this thing in this enclosed room , I 'll be at the disadvantage and they might get away ! Besides , someone could easily get hurt in here ! " Misty suddenly tugged at Ash 's arm . " Ash , I have an idea ! That speaker robot may be controlled by Team Rocket , but it 's still hooked up to the rest of the sound system ! If you can pull the plug , that might stop it ! " " You do that , Ash ! " I agreed . " I 'll try to lure them outside ! " Ash struggled through the crowd towards the stereo , while I quickly checked the buttons on my vest to make sure they were all closed . I hoped I could lure the machine outside without letting any of my Pokemon get sucked up . I ran to the exit door and stood in front of it . " If you 're looking for Pokemon , there are lots over here ! You haven 't got mine yet , now come and get them . . . if you can ! " I taunted . GeodudeNovember 1st , 2003 , 5 : 08 PMJames apparently heard me , because he looked confused and said something to Jessie , only to be met with an angry reply . Meowth used his remote to turn the machine around on its wheels and make it charge straight for me . I backpedalled enough to get me just outside the door , then dove to the right at the last second . The speaker - mech crashed through the doorway , just where I had been standing a few seconds before . The machine was still going strong , which meant that either Ash couldn 't get to the plug or it had another power source . In any case , this had to end now before someone got hurt or the Pokeballs that the machine had already sucked up were stolen . My mind raced . I couldn 't send out Forretress or Crobat , they 'd probably only get sucked up by that hose , which was still madly inhaling random items , and the occasional Pokeball from someone . Making my choice , I unbuttoned my top left vest pocket and tightly gripped the Pokeball inside so the hose wouldn 't rip it out of my hands . I drew it out and enlarged it . I couldn 't risk tossing it , since the speaker machine 's hose might suck it up before it could open , so I simply opened it in my hand , letting Onix out . Onix was too big to fit in that machine , so it was my best chance . I knew things may get a little rough for the Pokemon trapped inside the machine , but I figured they 'd be ok in their Pokeballs . " OK Onix , Tackle that thing ! " I ordered . The rock snake Pokemon that had been with me ever since I started training obediently slammed its head into the side of the speaker - mech . A large spider - web splinter appeared in the wood . " One more time should do it , Onix ! " Onix Tackled the machine again , and this time it completely broke apart , revealing the Pokeballs , food , silverware , and miscellaneous other items that were piled up inside . Now that the machine was destroyed , the hose finally stopped sucking air . Jessie , James , and Meowth appeared at the door and looked shocked . " You 've got some nerve destroying the machine we worked so hard to build ! " Jessie exclaimed . All that did for Meowth was earn him an economy - sized slap from Jessie . " That doesn 't matter now ! " she exclaimed . " We still need to grab those Pokeballs and make our getaway ! " The three of them ran for the broken mech , which lay about 20 feet from the doorway after Onix had knocked it for a loop . " Onix , block their path ! " I said immediately . Onix shifted its giant rocky body to position itself between Team Rocket and the Pokeballs that lay in the mech 's wreckage . James followed suit and tossed a Pokeball of his own . " Victreebel , get in there too ! " But of course , instead of attacking Onix , James suddenly found himself wearing an upside - down Victreebel . " Aw , c ' mon , this is really getting old ! " he complained , finally managing to throw off the Grass - type and get it to attack . I knew Onix could handle Arbok , but Victreebel might pose a problem . Now that the hose was disabled though , I had the perfect counter , Crobat . I drew out a Pokeball , only to have someone grab my arm from behind before I could toss it . " Wait , Brock , let me help , " said a familiar voice . Nurse Joy stepped forward to stand beside me . Joy smiled . " I think I 'm about to surprise you . " She produced a Pokeball from her jeans pocket and tossed it . Unsurprisingly , a Chansey materialized . I wondered just what Joy had in mind , but there was no time to ask now . Out of the corner of my eye , I could see Ash and Misty watching anxiously , not far away . Ash looked a little annoyed at not being able to help , but Misty said something to him that seemed to make him calm down . " Onix , hit Arbok with Rock Throw ! " I said loudly . Onix scooped its tail into the ground and flung several rocks of various sizes at the cobra Pokemon . Arbok managed to dodge some , but it got hit squarely by a medium - sized one . " Chansey , counter with Flamethrower ! " Joy suddenly said . Wow , there seemed to be more to this girl than met the eye . Chansey opened its mouth and released a powerful Flamethrower , easily burning up the leaves and doing major damage to Victreebel . I thought quickly . " Onix , counter with Headbutt ! " Arbok and Onix both dove towards each other . In this case , weight prevailed , as Onix knocked Arbok right back into Jessie . " Chansey , finish them off with Thunderbolt ! " Joy cried . Chansey brought its little arms in close to its body and strained , much like Pikachu usually does with its own Thunderbolt . A split second later , Chansey launched a blast of electricity towards Team Rocket and their Pokemon . It wasn 't quite as powerful as Pikachu 's regular Thunderbolts , but it was still more than enough to give the crooks a bad shock , cause an explosion , and send them " blasting off again " . Joy grinned . " Told you I 'd surprise ya . Sometimes trainers come around the Pokemon Center looking for some extra battle experience before challenging their next Gym Leader , so Chansey and I often oblige them . It helps them by giving them experience , and it helps me because they often give me battle tips in return , or show me how to teach Chansey certain new moves . " Joy 's battle skills had really impressed me as well . As I recalled Onix and thanked it , I wondered what would happen now . Ash and Misty are like a brother and sister to me , but now that they have each other , where did that leave me ? And what would Joy want to do about our relationship ? I knew that was something the four of us would have to talk about . Later , after we and our Pokemon pitched in to help clean up the mess caused by Team Rocket , I offered to walk Nurse Joy back to the Pokemon Center , which also housed her apartment . " We 're both going there anyway , " I joked , " so you might as well accept . " She did , laughing . Ash and Misty decided to walk through a nearby park together for a while and talk . So they set off from the hotel entrance , holding hands and talking quietly . Ash told me later that he really enjoyed their walk , and he knew Misty did too . They strolled through the park together , occasionally pointing out a nice - looking flower , or watching a wild Pokemon run by , but mainly just enjoying each other 's company . They sat down on a bench for a while , staring up at the stars and talking some more . In Ash 's words , " it got late early out there , " so then they headed back to the Pokemon Center . As for what they talked about exactly , I still don 't know . When I asked Ash , he just smiled and said , " I 've gotta keep SOME secrets , right ? " Joy and I set off in the other direction , slowly walking back to the Pokemon Center , not in the least bit of a hurry . As we talked , I learned that " Nurse Joy " was just the title given to Pokemon Nurses , that their real names weren 't necessarily Joy , and that they all looked alike because it was basically a dress code for their job . The Pokemon League wanted to give new trainers a sense of security and familiarity when they reached the next town , and knowing that a Nurse Joy would always be there at the Pokemon Center helped , according to their research . Joy instantly turned beet red , then started to laugh nervously . " Oh , I 'm sorry ! I guess I 'm just so used to being known as Nurse Joy , and called that on the job . . . I don 't have very many friends because of my work , but when I do make a new friend , sometimes I forget to tell them my real name . And with you , I was so nervous about meeting you , hoping I wouldn 't mess up . . . that I forgot something as fundamental as that . After all that 's happened tonight , it must seem pretty ridiculous that you still don 't know my real name . " " Nice to finally meet you , Stacey , " I joked . " But I really do understand , especially the part about being nervous . I really was too . I kept thinking I was going to step on your feet or something when we were dancing . Worse , it took all of my self - control several times not to make a fool of myself around you . But I didn 't , and it worked . I think you 're a very special person , and I 'd really like to see you again . " " Yes , but there are ways to deal with that . I really want this to work . " I looked her straight in the eyes . " You 're the first girl who has ever had this effect on me . Seriously . I have never felt as calm around a girl my age as I do with you . " " And you 're the first guy who 's really taken an interest in me . Most of the local guys think I 'm too caught up in my work to do mundane things like date . You really make me feel special . " We had been drawing closer all this time . Now all talking ceased as we stared at each other and our faces drew still closer . ' Here it comes , ' I thought . ' My first real kiss , and I 'm not freaking out ! Where exactly has the old me been hiding all this time ? ' But I knew exactly what had happened to the old part of me that went crazy with love at the mere mention of a Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny 's name . Jo . . . I mean , Stacey had shelved that old part of me for good , and had opened up a part of me I always secretly hoped existed , but had never shown itself until now . She had shown me that I DID have the capacity to be mature around girls , that I COULD handle a relationship in a mature way , and that there WAS someone out there who could reciprocate those feelings . And right now , she was doing exactly that , as our lips touched for the first time . If you 're wondering how deep the kiss went , I honestly couldn 't tell you . All I remember is thinking about what I just described , and how the kiss just felt . . . right . It was peaceful , exciting , blissful , and passionate all at the same time . To say that we both enjoyed it would be the understatement of the year . My search was over , and I had found the girl I had been longing for . As we finally pulled apart , there was a long silence . I was thinking about how I felt about her , and Stacey seemed to be thinking the same way . I finally said , " Wow . . . after that , I REALLY want to see you again . " When we got back , Stacey thanked Officer Jenny for covering for her , then the officer went home . For the first time , I didn 't even feel the least bit of urge to use some sort of pick - up line on her , I just watched her leave . I had found Stacey , and she had put the girl - crazy part of me to rest permanently . We decided to wait for Ash and Misty in the lobby , since they might ask some embarrassing questions if they found us in the room that Ash and I were sharing . When they arrived , I introduced Nurse Joy by her real name , then explained that we wanted to talk to them . Pikachu and Togepi were still in Misty 's room , so we made sure they went to sleep , then we all went up to Ash 's and my room . We sat down on the two single beds ; Ash and I on one , Misty and Stacey on the other . The seating arrangement was kind of automatic . I guess we all felt awkward about sitting with a member of the opposite sex on a bed , since we had only just started dating . We had a long conversation that night , lasting until the early hours of the morning . Stacey had to leave twice briefly to check on the Pokemon in the recovery room and tend to them if needed , but there were no major problems . With his newly realized relationship with Misty , Ash said that he was more determined than ever to do his best to become a Pokemon Master . Misty 's goal of learning all there was to know about Water Pokemon remained the same , except now she could safely say that she would do it while at Ash 's side . " I 'm really happy for you guys . " I said . " Now that you know each other 's true feelings , having that new level of support will prove to be a big help to you in many ways . So I guess now that you have each other , you 'll be wanting time alone and won 't really want me around . But I have Stacey with me now , so it 's ok . " " That 's not true at all , Brock ! " said Ash , looking shocked . " We would never want you to leave the group , unless that 's what you truly wanted to do . Don 't leave just on our account . Misty and I talked about it while we were in the park , and we 'd be happy to have you still travel with us , as long as you understand that we 'll sometimes want time alone . " " Yeah , you 've been like a big brother to us for our whole journey , Brock , " Misty added . " I told you already that you mean a lot to me , and I meant it . We want you to stay , if that 's what YOU really want . " Stacey and I had talked a little bit about that on the rest of the walk back , and while waiting for Misty and Ash . I relayed our discussion to them now . She had her duties at the Pokemon Center , and loved her job . I highly respected her for it , since the Nurse Joys provide a tireless , valuable service to all trainers . I really enjoyed being with her , but I wasn 't done with my own goal yet , and I 'd also come to really enjoy being with Misty and Ash . Stacey said that it was obvious to her that the three of us were the closest of friends . " So if it 's ok with you guys , " I finished , looking at Stacey , Ash , and Misty , " I 'd like to continue to travel , as before , and work towards my dream . But Stacey , you have my solemn promise that I will email and call you as often as I possibly can . " " He means it too , Stacey , " said Misty . " It seems like you 've taken all of his girl - craziness and directed it all towards you . . . but in a more mature way . You two really have something going . " Misty was a hopeless romantic , and I knew she really meant what she said . She liked to judge the chances of couples getting together , and was usually right , in our experience . She considered herself a good judge of character , and it looked like Stacey met with her approval . " OK , " said Stacey , " as I said , I 've still got my work here , and Brock still has his dream to go after . I think this will work out just fine . Look after him , will you ? " she asked , looking at Ash and Misty . Mystical MewtwoDecember 24th , 2003 , 6 : 57 PMwow . wow . man , oh wow man . I have to say , that when people began to tell me that there were no good AAMRN writers around here , i started to belive . Q ManDecember 24th , 2003 , 8 : 23 PM * claps * Bravo ! A very well written story , indeed ! I like how you managed to keep Brock 's perspective throughout , and describing things in detail . Very nice piece , and I do hope to read more of your works in the future ! |
It was me . Cardoza Publishing is a part of 2 + 2 . All of Sklansky 's books , ed Miller , etc . AFAIK they only do strat stuff , poker , chess , backgammon , but you never know . I have no idea who to ask . As I read this text , I sit there and kind of stare in shock for a moment . I realize that Keith could be there just having a drink , or something serious was about to happen . Either way , Keith was abusive to women , and right now , it might just be the one I am trying to save . I tell Tim about the situation and he is happy to help . I know he 's been in a lot of gangfights in Chicago and at 6 ' 3 , 300 + , I figured it wouldn 't hurt for him to come along . We fly over to the bar and I shut off my lights . There 's about 3 cars there - Kendra 's and two trucks . I don 't know why she was left there solo , I 'm sure her coworkers are aware of the problem with Keith . This girl was becoming a serious liability , twice in one week I was going to have to deal with drama . I hatch a plan to lure him out by getting Tim to go in there . Him and his friends know what I look like I am pretty sure , but they don 't know Tim . I text Kendra and tell her I am outside , and ask if he is alone . Thankfully he is and I tell him to go and talk to Kendra , get her to point him out , and have him come outside . I wait outside the front doors , and the area is deserted . I shine my flashlight up near the roof to check for security cameras - they have none . For some reason this bar had tinted windows that allowed you to look in , but not out . I peer over and see Tim talking to Keith , they looked like they were getting along like friends . After about 5 - 6 minutes , I see Tim ask Keith about something , and they head out the doors , Keith first . " You * * * * ed up your own life dude . Don 't come into my life and start to try * * * * ing * * * * up too . The same goes for Kendra . " He made the choice to rush me and I turned the strobe on the flashlight , blinding him . I took a swing down low with the asp and hit him right in the ankle , dropping him to the ground . He was cursing like a sailor grabbing his foot , and Jim walked out calmly so no one inside got smart about what was going on out here . We walk with him over to his old * * * * ty Chinese scooter , and it is taking forever with him limping . He finally gets on the scooter , tries to crank it over , and it finally turns on . As he leaves , the heavens open up Florida style and it starts to pour . We roll inside and there is like 6 people in there - 2 patrons , Kendra and a barback , and us . Jim asks everyone if they knew what had happened outside , and the two patrons are so wasted they weren 't even paying attention . " He had to go , he 's not going to be around anymore . " Kendra kept on questioning what happened , and I explained that I had to do what needed to be done . I ordered a Godfather , and went over to the jukebox and played " In the Air Tonight " . I felt like I needed to relax or I was going to have a brain aneurysm . Jim didn 't feel like hanging around , so I told him to take my car to his house and leave the keys in it , and I would pick it up later . I was trying to figure out if there were any witnesses , and was convinced there weren 't . 230 rolled around , and we picked up my car , then went over to her place and fell asleep . I wasn 't even in the mood to get it on , I was tired and stressed out . I went to sleep half expecting for the cops or Keith 's friends to roll up to the house , but finally passed out around 5 . There is zero chance of that , man . I think the rest of us just want to keep the thread relatively free of clutter - so it 's easy for everyone to read your story . No one gives a * * * * about the comments like mine here , we 're just making sure you know it 's appreciated . But you story is pure gold , I wouldn 't even care if it was 100 % fiction . Not that I think it is . But your writing is top - notch . You 've kept me hooked for a solid two weeks now . Cant remember the last time I regularly checked in to see if a thread had been updated . Keep it coming man great stuff . @ truestoryteller how many times do I have to refresh this damn page for the next part ! ! ! You don 't get to sleep or eat until this damn thing is finished ! ! ! ! DannyHimself Sorry guys I got slammed with orders and deliveries , I have to go to Miami tonight but I 'm having someone else drive so I can type . I am dedicated . Truestoryteller Our first Thursday at Vito 's was sort of like a staff meeting . Vito managed a small business and I have a feeling he was quite the micromanager . He had us come early , he told us about his life ( like I didn 't already do research on this ) , and treated us like employees . I think it was more to the effect that he knew Mike was unstable with money and make it clear he wasn 't going to tolerate it . This new venue for Mike was going to his head - he thought he was running the best cardroom in Florida . We were getting higher end clientele , including a couple people who have been on PNIA , a November Niner , and some people who had made multiple WSOP final tables . The one problem we were having was German 's wife was calling Big Mike and demanding to be paid , that she was going to call the cops , etc . I decided to end this once and for all - this was what I was getting paid for anyway . An hour before the game , I went over to German 's house to find his wife there just cooking as if there were a game . She saw me and immediate got irritable and was asking where Mike was . " Why don 't you tell me where German is ? " I asked in return . " He 's gone , I haven 't heard from him in 10 days . The last place I was able to get him to admit he was , was at the dogtrack in Fort Myers . I want to know where all the backrent is from Mike . He owes us over $ 2000 ! " " German owes a lot of our players money . He used our game to solicit people for his football pool . He had no intention of paying back $ 40 , 000 , so if you are asking for $ 2000 I find that hilarious . I still think there is an ' us ' too , so I find that interesting that you guys steal $ 40k but beg for $ 2000 . You get the money when German comes back with $ 40k in cash . In the meantime , I 'm going to tell anyone who asks about the pool where you live , and I am going to try and find German too . " " Get the * * * * out of here you * * * * * * * ! " So , I got the * * * * out . I don 't know whether she was too dumb to understand the financial situation , or she thought she was actually entitled to 2000 when her husband stole 20 times that from players and friends . Luckily Vito had a huge gate and fenced in property , and we could monitor everyone that comes in and out . The game got started and Mike paid Vito with players ' buyins hoping that what he owed plus the rake would cover it . Vito 's place was extremely nice , and a huge step up for the game . With two separate rooms to have games in , private parking , a nicer table and cards , this place was nicer than pretty much any room in Florida . Vito 's wife Ellen was very flirtatious , and was nice , but she was basically an art major that never had to work a real day in her life . She had a private studio in the back , and when I first walked in the 4 car garage , I saw a new Polaris off road vehicle ( I forget what they are called , the ones that look like off road golf carts ) . She explained that her parents surprised her with that as a birthday present . Oh nice , a $ 17 , 000 vehicle that you can 't drive on the road , and she didn 't off road at all . " We just drive it around the property to move things , " she said . Some new characters showed up for our game , word of mouth of a game in a mansion goes around fairly fast . On that first night , we made $ 2200 in rake on just one table running all night , and Mike walked away with $ 300 . The problem was he refused to deal at all , even though he was faster than me , and would sit down with 3 - 500 in chips , thinking he could outplay his customers , when really he was the one getting played . He would never bet for value , but always overbet bluff the river and get called . He was minus 500 by the end of the night , and he had to bring something home to his wife . I took on some more debt from him - since he ran the game and basically paid me , I knew I was going to take some risks from him running the book . I was making as much as I normally was at German 's but we " Of course we 're going to be playing poker , you 're hopefully going to be meeting a friend of mine . " I would need to find a way to compress or rewrite this for a book , but would be happy to do so . I have been slammed doing work , so I have been writing in between my travels and trying to keep my grammar up to par . Part of my writing of these recollections is to give the darker side to poker some light while still keeping the passion of the game in present . So after a night of playing poker with friends in cheap tournaments on Friday night , I stayed over at Kendra 's place and slept in , knowing it would be a long day on Saturday . We finally left her place at 2pm , and it took about an hour and a half to get to the Naples dog track . This was a place I was very familiar with and played at 3 - 4 nights a week back in 2012 . I had become friends with a lot of the regulars then , but when I broke up with my ex who I was living with at the time , I moved back up north and had not kept in touch . It is overall a decent place , had a good 2 / 5 , but it had more PLO games than any other cardroom or casino up until recently . It was where I had gotten most of my live PLO experience and moved up from playing 1 - 2 - 5 to 2 - 5 - 10 . There was a 5 - 10 - 20 game that played super big , and would see big time players come in and get in the game for 30 - 50K regularly . This was a huge game for a relatively small poker room , and reminded me of the Boca Grande game , but much more public . We took her car in case German came there and saw mine parked in the parking lot and got scared off . As we pull up to the parking lot and walk up the stairs , I get a feeling of nostalgia walking around the floor . At the time I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere , and when I left the farm , it was to go into town , or to go to the room or to Immokalee . I see a few old guys I used to play with , not much had changed . I signed up for the 2 - 5 - 10 PLO list and Kendra got on the 2 / 4 limit list . Flashbacks of Jenny in my mind sitting with that dude at the table made me go over and look at who was sitting there . As I glance , it is just a 55 + crowd , no one under 40 . I finally get called for the game , and buy in for 1200 , as that seemed to be about as much as anyone had on the table at the time . This room was better in the fact that all the PLO games played 150 + BBs deep , and you didn 't have to be all in by the turn - I am always a fan of more postflop action and decision - making . I sit down in seat 2 , and Iceman is in seat 1 with abouI picked up 6678 in the straddle and EP raised to 35 . Iceman flats in the BB and I come along for the ride . The flop is a beautiful 45K . Iceman checks , I bet out 80 , EP calls , and Iceman calls after a little thought . While my flush draw is very likely no good , I block other nut wraps and flush outs , as well as dirty flush outs . The turn was 10 and before I can consider a move Iceman bets out full pot at 350 . I know that EP cannot be strong here unless he had KK with spades , but Iceman is not one to flat out bluff into two other players out of position , he was not laggy at all . Full pot for him was not a value bet though , and I don 't think EP has KKxx here . I call , knowing I might face a hard decision on the river . The dealer turns over the Q , actually a good card for me with less nutted flush combos out there . Ice checks , I check behind and his A36K is no good . Against other people at the table , I would fold the turn - it was a player dependent decision . As the hours went on , I was up and down a bit , but I saw it was getting around 6 : 30 , and I figured if German was going to show , it would be soon . I get off the table and walk over to Kendra . She had run it up from 50 to 120 , and I was proud of her . I had told her to bet more rivers in limit , and to play more disciplined and only with value hands . She must have listened or gotten really lucky , and I tell her let 's go eat somewhere nice . We get out of the room and go to a hibachi grill , and she gets all excited about the chef doing his magic tricks while I am knee deep in sushi . I push her to try some sashimi and she finally breaks in . I hold it to her mouth , and instead of just putting it in , she starts to sniff it and lick it like a chihuahua . " Ewww , it feels weird . . . . . " " If you would stop licking it and just put it in your mouth it 'll be over faster ! " She finally opened her mouth enough and I shoved it in , and she started to slowly chew . It got faster for a few seconds , then it just stopped and her eyes started to widen . This was not good . She got up quickly and ran to the bathroom for 10 minutes . I guess she didn 't like sushi , oh well , more for me then . She came back with a red face and I started laughing , and she slaps me right in the face ! We finish and head back to the room for what I had really come here for - German . I pull into the parking lot again , and start going up and down the rows , figuring if I saw his Caddy , then I would save myself some time and get a jump on him . I started from the back and moved my way forward , and it was going to take a while because it was Saturday night in season . As I approach the second row , his unmistakable dark beige Cadillac STS with a German flag was visible . I found a spot across the way and pulled in . Now that I had the element of surprise , I couldn 't let it go . Knowing German , he would be here all night , but what if he busts ? I had to figure out my next move - I had already come 80 miles , I had to go the last 100 yards . grunch : great job man . I don 't know how you can recall such fine details of hands from a year ago but it doesn 't even matter . you truly are a true story teller and am glad there are already so many pages in front of me to binge on I had to hatch a plan for approaching the German . Could I just walk up to the poker room and talk to him ? No . That wasn 't going to work out . I needed the element of surprise , and preferably in a less public area . I look over and Kendra is non - stop texting someone , she says her friend goes to FGCU which is one town up from there in Estero . She had just smoked and looked like she was getting bored from just sitting there for 15 minutes . " Really ? I don 't know if I want to play poker anymore . I wanted to have some alone time with you , I know you had to come down here for a reason though . " We decide that she can go and hang out with her friend at FGCU , and German most likely will still be here . I head up there , we meet with her friend Marcy who is 100 % Italian and from Long Island . We end up talking for a while , they were going to watch movies and catch up on life , so again I dodge the bullet of boring Kendra with my private eye work . I began to second guess why I was doing this in the first place . I was not looking to blackmail German , rough him up , or teach him any sort of lesson . It was just the wanting to know what happened - no one up north even knew or seemed to care that German was gone . I should be getting paid to do this , but I wanted to get answers for myself . I get back to the track around 930 , and cars were starting to disperse a little as the horse betters were disappearing , and the tournament was starting to die down . I know I can walk up there and blend in with the surroundings , the place wasn 't dead , but I was going to go crazy if I just sat in my car any longer . I go up the escalator hoping he is not just sitting right there , and as I get up there is a decent crowd . I walk along the long window separating the tables from the betting area , and I can see him on a middle table with his back to me . Perfect . He is on a 2 / 5 table and only has about 220 in front of him , which is not what he normally buys in for . Unsure if he has rebuy money , or any self - control , I get a good idea and go over to my friend Sean . He is a 2 / 5 player , and was out getting food in the serving area . I ask him if he will talk to German , and engage him to see if he is going to be here all night . German is a very engaging person , so he should spill his intentions to a perceived stranger . Sean goes over , talks to him for about a minute , and comes back to tell me that German isn 't going to rebuy , but " is going to get his stack working or go home . " That 's what I need to know , where HOME is . After pacing back and forth outside smoking a cigarette , I ask Sean if he will text me when he sees German get off the table . I go " GERMAN ! How are ya ? " " No , I came here because I wanted to know where my German went . The guy I knew who could light up a house with his stories of the past . His story of losing 1 . 5 million in Vegas in one night . Where is that man ? " " I just . . . . . " German started crying , " I lost everything Liam . I have no one , my children won 't return my calls , my wife is gone forever , and I can 't ever go back to town . I am here all alone , and I am almost out of money . " " About $ 2000 , but this place is $ 400 a week , and blackjack and poker have not been good to me . " " Listen , no one sent me here , I came out of curiosity . You don 't owe me anything , and no one will know I was here . You want to go inside and talk ? " We head inside , and we talk about what happened . These were the answers I was looking for , when he realized he couldn 't cover , what he did , and how he planned this . He told me about 3 weeks ago he knew he would never have the money , he was down 10K in poker and it was all football money . He was too ashamed to tell his wife , but told his daughter in Germany . He could go back home but there was not much left for him there . He had been an American for 25 years , almost half his life , and he was completely , utterly alone . I was expecting to be mad at him , but looking at his current conditions , it was just pathetic to see him this way . It wasn 't the German I knew . After an hour or so of talking , I looked at my phone and it was 1130 . I wanted to get home at a reasonable hour if I could , and I still had to go and pick up Kendra . I bid goodbye to German , and he told me he was going to try and start new in Miami . I wished him well , walked out the door , and that was the last I ever saw of the German . grunch : great job man . I don 't know how you can recall such fine details of hands from a year ago but it doesn 't even matter . you truly are a true story teller and am glad there are already so many pages in front of me to binge on As crazy as it might sound , I can remember most of the notable live hands I have played since 2011 , I am sure I have forgotten some , but I write them here for not only the story , but I also have a place where I can remember what I played and when . Obviously the notable hands will be more biased towards winning ones , but there are plenty of losing ones too . I think of a part of the hand that stands out such as the pot sized bet of Iceman on the turn , and the rest comes to me , almost like pressing a button . Glad you enjoy ! As I got that text , I was concerned at what the hell was going on over there at Marcy 's place . I didn 't know if they were in trouble , bored , drunk , but it certainly wasn 't the way I left them . They told me they were going to watch The Notebook or something and maybe smoke out in Marcy 's car . It 's 7 miles between the exit for FGCU and the cardroom , but I swear it felt like 30 minutes on the highway . She lived in off - campus housing that was up the road from the school , which from my experience was nicer , because you didn 't feel like someone was watching over you all the time . Marcy was a forensics major , and seemed very wholesome too . I pulled into the only free parking space and had to walk about 100 yards to get over to the room . It was up on the third floor , down a walkway , and tucked in a corner . It was a two bedroom place and she had one roommate who was back in Miami for the weekend . I knock on the door and I hear some yelling and get immediately on the defense . The door swings open and its Marcy and Kendra , both in . . . . . robes ? I thought they had started drinking , but I didn 't see any signs of alcohol around the place . Did they just get some really potent weed ? We go into the room and they both have me by the shoulder to the point I thought they were going to pop it out of its socket . The lights were really dim and just the TV playing music was on kinda loud . I sat down on the couch and stared around looking for some answers . " We have been waiting for you , did you find your friend , " Marcy asked ? " Hooking someone up " can mean just about anything depending on what your vice is . They were all smiles and laughing , and I figured they were just really stoned . Avicii started playing in the background , and they brought out glowsticks and finger lights and started messing around with them and dancing . Oh , they were rolling . . . . . that explains it . " Yeah . . . . . it 's somewhere over there , pointing to the entire kitchen , real helpful . I ended up finding some Captain Morgan and made a crappy rum and diet coke . I definitely couldn 't hang out here completely sober . As I sat down on the couch again , Kendra came over from Marcy 's bed and took her robe off , and was just wearing a bra and panties and proceeded to jump in my lap . I tried downing my drink faster before it was spilled everywhere . She started to rub my shaved head , and it was just the most amazing feeling to her . She started making out with me and I was honestly just trying to find a way to drink while doing all of this . I got up quickly and told them I needed another drink , it didn 't seem to faze them at all in their quest of happiness . I just poured straight rum and downed about 2 - 3 shots with a little bit of water . I went to go back over to the couch and Kendra pushed me to the bed where she continued her touching frenzy . While she was kissing me , I felt her rub my head , and realized her hands were to her side - that was Marcy doing the head rubbing . As all of this was going on , I was thinking in the back of my head , " was that a good call with that flush ? What would I do with myself if I were German right now ? Should I help him ? " My mind clearly was in the wrong spot . I suddenly felt my shorts getting ripped off and Kendra was suddenly where my shorts once were . While Kendra and I were going at it , Marcy was totally taking this all in , making out with both of us - a cheesy porn came to mind when I thought about it , but I wasn 't complaining . After about an hour they were starting to come down from the high , and I was totally exhausted . I hopped in the shower there , and they were already passed out , so I took the couch . I got woken up at 4am to the sound of them going at it with each other completely naked . I was so tired I was going in and out of consciousness and tried to stay awake but ended up falling asleep after a few minutes . I woke up again at 10am to them in the middle of getting dressed as if nothing out of the ordinary happened last night . Marcy had to go to campus for some meeting , and I was ready to go home and sleep in a real bed . Marcy gave me her number ( which was odd ) , and said " Come back sometime soon , it was fun ! " Kendra seemed unfazed by any of this and we had a relatively normal conversation on the ride home . She ended up falling asleep as I wondered if Kendra had set this night up - maybe I was paranoid , but in the end , should I really care ? That was one of my last thoughts as I popped a vicodin and fell asleep on my own bed . Even though I had met Kendra and she was very much in my life , my Thursdays had not changed much at all . My only change was I would stop by the bar on the way to Vito 's to say hi , sometimes I would get her dinner - she loved chef salads , which , if you think about it , is just a bunch of lettuce with chopped meat and cheese piled all over it and some extras . I would bring it by , give her a hug and tell her that I would see her later . She would always ask how the game was going to go that night , and I really had no answer for her . I never had a clue how it was going to run , how late , how much the rake was , and if I was getting paid in full . I just gave her the answers she wanted to hear , I don 't think she would ever understand the nature of home games . After picking up beer and two quarts of coconut water ( which I started to drink religiously even though it doesn 't do much more than regular water ) , I put the code into Vito 's gate , and strolled in . Mike was already there , and he had a concerned look on his face . " We don 't have a lot of confirmations for tonight , I don 't know if we 're even going to run . " I made a few calls of my own , including some cowboy dude named Red . Red was in the military , got discharged , and was in school nearby . Something wasn 't completely right about him , but he was a decent player and had expressed interest about coming to the game when we were talking at the cardroom . In one hand we had been talking , I had accidentally checked back 10s full by accident and he could have lost a lot more money . Maybe this is the chance to make it back in the game ? I gave him a call , he said he would come on up , and said that he had talked to someone else where he lived that also wanted to come play that had been invited before . His name was . . . . . . . . Donnie . I thought I had been done with Donnie after Tim 's games , but Donnie was like a mosquito that kept on coming back for more to suck you dry . He already had 1500 + sitting on Jim 's old book , and chances are , he was only going to show up with 200 , and ask to borrow . The worst part was Mike was probably going to give it to him . I talked to Mike about it , and he said that he had already invited Donnie because he had recently had a big tournament score and had cash to play with . Donnie and Mike were similar in that they were trying to make a living grinding out - EV spots and had multiple children they were trying to support on their gambling habits . There must have been some sort of connection there . The game ended up starting well due to Red and Donnie , and in the beginning , Red and Donnie ended up both busting and Donnie of course went on Mike 's book . It got all the way to 800 bucks with two 400 dollar rebuys , and players were not fond of this , feeling like they were playing against their own money . I was just sitting there dealing , and Bookie and Nazi John were taking Mike aside to tell him they were thinking of leaving because of Donnie . This was definitely not good for the game . Bookie and Nazi were cornerstones of this game , never went on book , and had plenty of cash . They were also recreational players that fed a lot of the more pro - ish clientele . Mike used his charm to calm down Bookie and explained that he would cover any book tonight - a promise I never believed he could keep on any night . As the night went on stacks got deeper and deeper , and people were double straddling , which from a game running perspective was bad - people go broke faster in bigger pots . There was a perfect balance in the game between action and stack preservation that needed to happen to run a long game , and people going busto was too much action . Mike himself was into the game for a bit , and at this point was sitting on about 500 . Just to cover his losses for the night between him and Donnie , the rake had to be 2000 , possible , but it would have to be a long night . The action slowed for an hour , but picked up when Nazi John opened to 25 UTG and Donnie 3 - bet to 85 . Mike then tanked and 4 - bet to 225 OTB with 275 behind . Bookie tanked for a bit and called the 275 out of the BB , and Nazi went all in for 535 . Donnie snap called with about 1300 behind , and Mike goes all in for about 500 . Bookie calls after another minute with about 1000 behind . I had a feeling either Mike or Nazi had the best hand at this point . The flop was 993r , and the action between Bookie and Donnie went check / check . The turn was a 6 , and when checked to , Donnie bet out 100 into a side pot . Bookie called , and a 10 hit the river . Bookie checks to Donnie again , and Donnie bets 500 . Bookie snap raises all in , and Donnie then goes into the tank asking him if he has A10 , saying that he already has 1100 in there , and is so pained . It is that moment when you know you are beat , but you see how much is in the pot , and you tell yourself you have to call . He eventually calls , and Bookie flips over 78o for the nut straight . Donnie flips over JJ , Nazi flips over QQ , and Mike flashes KK for the best hand until the river . Mike had a look of utter disgust on his face , but equally pissed was myself , who knew I wasn 't getting paid out that night . Mike 's wife , who was there , started crying because she knew that was the money they were going to need for the week . The game stopped for about 15 minutes after that @ 4000 pot at a 1 / 2 game , the largest 1 / 2 pot I ever dealt . Bookie and Mike go outside for a cigarette , and I am thinking WTF is going on ? Mike doesn 't want the game to continue ? He was the only person who got busted and couldn 't buy back in . He ended up making a deal with Bookie to borrow money to pay off me as well as the game , and Bookie gave me 4 greens as a tip . If only that meant something in real dollars in this game - it was all becoming funny money at this point . By the end of the game , I walked away with 200 bucks and an IOU for the rest . I told him that wasn 't enough , and his book caused me to lose money - this " I do have something I can give you , Greek didn 't have money to buy in , so he gave me his PS4 with some games . Do you want it for $ 300 taken off my tab ? " I gladly took it , knowing I could get about that if not more if I sold it . I drove over to Kendra 's , she was asleep and I hooked up the PS4 figuring she would like it to pass the time . I woke up to her playing GTA 5 , she was so excited that I had gotten her something she normally couldn 't afford . " Someone owed me money so now its ours , " I told her , " I was thinking of selling it in the future when I start my own game . " I said that without thinking the reality of the situation . It was the first time I had seriously thought about starting my own game and getting away from the bull * * * * that surrounded Vito 's house . I laid back down thinking a little more about it - it was something to think about for the future . |
In the park we walked around until we found the right place for our picnic , and then we sat on a blanket and ate lots . Mummy had brought me a prawn cocktail - my favourite ! And we had loads of juicy bits of fruit and some sandwiches and yogurts as well . . . mmm ! After this , mummy was really brave and she took us on a big ride that span round and round in circles and pulled us about all over the place . Eve didn 't seem to like this ride very much , so I held her hand and told her that it was all okay . Maybe I should have said this to mummy as well , because when she got off the ride at the end her face looked a bit green , like she had just eaten a really nasty dinner . Poor mummy . I wanted to say something nice to mummy , since I had enjoyed so many nice treats today , so I thought about some of the nice things that my books say . I thought about Beauty and the Beast , which is my favourite book at the moment . It is about a man who goes into the Beast 's castle and steals a rose from his garden . Then the Beast gets cross and wants to eat the man all up . The man doesn 't want this to happen , so he sends his daughter Beauty to get eaten up instead . The Beast decides that he would like to marry Beauty instead of eating her , and then they live happily ever after . But I don 't think that Beauty was very good friends with her daddy any more after this . I had a nice chill - out with the parent staff until bedtime , and mummy told me that if I am a very good girl , then I might get to go to the fairground again sometime soon . I will have to remember this next time I feel a brawl with the staff starting to happen , because I would really like to go to the fairground again . The fairground is awesome . The strange things are to do with the weather . It is not like normal weather at all . All the rain has gone , and there are no clouds in the sky . It is so warm that I haven 't needed to wear my big coat or my socks and shoes . In fact , even my normal clothes are too hot for me to wear at the moment , so I have spent most of my time here being rudie ! ( The parent staff love this , by the way . They keep talking about how rudie I am , and patting my bottom and laughing . What is up with these grown - ups ? ? ) Today I have spent a lot of time lying on my tummy in my paddling pool , letting the water wash over my rudie bottom and giving my toy friends a swimming lesson . I am a very good teacher , so the toy friends are all getting quite good at swimming now . ( Everyone except the bear , that is . He just sinks to the bottom of the paddling pool and sits there looking sad when I make him dive in off the side . Silly bear . ) Just before lunch time today , some friends of the parent staffs ' came round to visit us in the garden . The friends own a baby of their own , and she is called Lana . She is very cute and quite funny . She does not have much hair and she doesn 't say words in the staff language , but while she was in the garden she kept looking at me in my paddling pool and I know that she wanted to come and play with me . So I asked her if she wanted to get into my paddling pool , and she did , for a little while . It is nice to have other little people to play with in times like these . Staff would not be able to play in my paddling pool because they are too big . If any of them sat in my paddling pool , there would be no room left for the water ! At dinner time we had some special food called a bar - beek - yoo . According to mummy , this is food that we have when the weather is hot . This is why I have not had it before . I felt very happy when the parent staff put me to bed tonight , even though it was bedtime . I have decided that I would like to live with the grandparent staff forever , and that I would like it to be sunny every day . When the parent staff get me up tomorrow , I will ask them about this , and see if they will let it happen . When I get to the other place there are usually staff there who are really excited to see me , but I am too sleepy to talk to them . They have to wait until the morning time , when it is light again and I am properly awake , before I can play with them . This is sad for the staff , but that is just how it is . There is no point in saying this to mummy , though . She was being so dramatic and waily about the whole Auntie Al thing , that it took her most of the morning to realise that she had brought me to granny 's house without any shoes to wear ! ( When she stole me last night , I was just wearing my pyjamas and slippers , and she completely forgot to pack any shoes into my cool suitcase for me . What a plonker ! ) When mummy had finished wailing and discovered that my feet were totally rudie , she said that we would have to go out and buy some more shoes from a shop nearby . So we got in the car and drove to a shop , and I talked all the way there about how mummy had forgotten my shoes , and how my toes were rudie , and how it was all very sad . And then when we stopped the car , mummy had to carry me down the street so that I didn 't have to walk in my socks . Ha ! I do love being carried ! Now that I think about it , maybe mummy should forget my shoes more often . . . Anyway , we went into a shop that sold stuff that used to belong to other people . Mummy said that this is a good place to buy things from , because all of the money that we spend on shoes and things is used to help people who are poorly . Mummy bought me some cool white shoes with flowers on them , so this means that me and mummy and my feet have all helped to make a poorly person better . I just hope that the little girl who used to wear my shoes does not decide that she wants them back , because they are mine now and I like them ! ! ! Back at home , me and mummy played games until daddy came in from work . Then we all had dinner together and read stories until the parent staff decided that it was my bedtime . I had my shower and story as usual , but then instead of wrapping me up in my blanket , the parent staff put my dressing gown on me and carried me back out to the car . Today I have been visiting people with the parent staff . The people that we have been visiting are family , but not the kind of family that you live with . They are my Auntie Jill and Uncle Ken . Actually , mummy told me that they are daddy 's Auntie Jill and Uncle Ken , but now that I am here in daddy 's world , daddy has to share them with me . And because I am smaller and cuter and more fun than daddy , Auntie Jill and Uncle Ken like me better - so they are more mine than his , really . That is how these things work . Anyway , we did not go on our visit until the afternoon time . In the morning we had friends here who had been staying with us , so we played with them until they went back to their own houses . Then me and the parent staff got in our car and drove to Auntie Jill and Uncle Ken 's house , and when we got there we went inside to play . We took Auntie Beccy with us as well , so that she could join in with the playing . Auntie Jill and Uncle Ken 's house is cool . It has big rooms to run around in , and a big fluffy dog , and a super - huge garden full of trees and fun things to play with . There were also two other ladies there , who were about as grown - up as mummy and Auntie Beccy . Their names are Laura and Rachel , and they are daddy 's " cuz - uns " . I don 't know what a " cuz - un " is , so I was not very interested in knowing this , but mummy told me it anyway . Auntie Jill and Uncle Ken had made lunch for us all , and I got to sit around the table with the grown - ups to eat mine . The first thing I got to eat was a plate full of prawns and fish , which I was very excited about . I do love prawns ! ! Mummy kept asking me to eat my food with my fork , but I was so excited about the prawns that I just kept picking them up with my fingers and cramming them into my mouth before mummy could stop me . When I had eaten my own food , I looked around to see if anyone else had any prawns that I could steal . After the prawns , we had roast dinner . Mummy gave me a little plate full of vegetables and beef , and Yorkshire puddings and gravy . I ate some of my roast dinner , but I am not very good at eating beef , so I kept chewing bits up and then spitting them back out onto my plate . This made mummy very cross , and she told me that if I didn 't eat my dinner nicely , then I would have to sit still and be bored while everybody else ate theirs . I wanted to see if mummy really would do this , so I jumped down from my chair and grinned up at her . Mummy stared at me , and I could tell that she was trying to work out what she should do next . The other grown - ups all started to laugh , because they thought that mummy would not really put me in the car on my own . But they do not know mummy like I do . Mummy picked me up , carried me back outside to the car , and strapped me into my car seat . Then she walked off to somewhere where I couldn 't see her any more , and left me to shout and wail until she came back to me . What a rat she is . After we had all played for a while , we sat down on some outside chairs and ate pudding . The pudding was yummy and full of strawberries . I was worried that mummy might not let me have any pudding because of our brawl over the roast beef earlier , but she was being kinder than usual and she let me eat a whole bowlful all by myself . Not long after this , the parent staff decided that we needed to go home for my bedtime . I did not want to go home , especially to bed , but I said goodbye to all of the family anyway , and gave them all kisses to cheer them up . ( They were very sad that I was going ) . This morning we got on a bus and went into town to have pancakes in a cafe . I love going on the bus . I can sit high up , and look down at all of the people on the ground , and feel like I am really big . I also get to sit next to mummy , which never happens when we are in the car because mummy sits in the front and she makes me sit in the back . Mummy is a bit of a pain when we are in the car , actually . When we go on long drives , I get bored and so I ask mummy to do things for me - like read me books , pick up things that I have dropped on the floor , and take my shoes on and off . Mummy always says that she can 't do these things because she is driving . I 'm not sure why this would stop mummy from turning around and reading me a book . Really I think that she is just being lazy . A few days ago we went on a long drive and I kept asking mummy to read my book to me . . . and after I had asked her five or six times , mummy got really cross and said that I should stop asking her because she needed to look at the road , and if she didn 't we would CRASH ! Anyway . On the bus I can get mummy to read to me as much as I like . . . but I usually don 't want to read , because there are lots of other interesting things to look at instead . I like to point at people who I see , and to ask mummy in a loud voice , " What 's that ? " Today I discovered that Jackson sleeps in a big - boy bed now , instead of a cot . The big - boy bed is really good fun - you can stand on it and bounce up and down . I know this because we all went upstairs to see Jackson 's bedroom , and I tried some bouncing while we were up there . Maybe one day soon , the parent staff will get me a big - girl bed , and I can bounce on that . Of course , mummy 's adventures usually involve some kind of rainy , shivery picnic , and today was the same as usual . I helped mummy to pack the picnic by bringing her our special picnic bag , and filling it with my books and tiny toy people . Our picnic bag is cool , by the way . It has drawings of smiley people on it , all standing in the sunshine . I reckon that this is what mummy believes our picnics will be like , whenever she decides that we are going to have them . . . only they are never anything like that in real life . When we had eaten all of our food , mummy wrapped us both up in big coats , put our wellies on our feet and our hoods up over our heads , and said that we were going to walk round the lake . I didn 't love this idea , but I was not that cold with my big coat on , and the rain had made lots of big puddles for me to jump in which meant that the walk was actually quite good fun . But the thing that really made me go along with mummy 's plan was mummy saying that if I walked really nicely around the lake like a big girl , and didn 't complain , then we could go into the nice teashop and eat a cake together afterwards . Mummy chose a table for us and she lifted me up onto a big chair with two of my books . Then she asked me to wait on the chair while she went to buy our cake . I didn 't want to wait on the chair - I wanted to jump down and run around , and make pretty patterns on the clean floor with my muddy wellies - so I screwed up my face and started to wail . It was one of the saddest times I have ever had . No cake , no teashop - and one very angry mummy , who was so cross with me that she gave me one of her long , boring talks about Why We Do Not Cry Unless We Are Hurt once we got back home again . Just to show mummy that I was not impressed by her talk , I started to cry again , right into her big cross face . But when I was playing in the living room and mummy seemed to have stopped being quite so mad , I couldn 't help mocking her a little bit , just for the fun of it . So I picked up my juice cup , put it on the sofa , and said to it in my best cross - mummy - voice : " Juice ! Naughty juice ! Go on the yanding ! ! " The brawl was pretty much over by bedtime , and mummy gave me lots of kisses and cuddles as usual when she put me into bed . But I have learnt two very important things today . The first is that when mummy says she will put me on the landing , she means it - even if the landing is far , far away . And the other thing is that mummy is so stubborn that she will do all kinds of things to stop me from winning a brawl . She will even go without cake . Granny made us an awesome picnic , and we drove out to the farm in mummy 's car and sat in a big barn full of picnic tables . While we were eating our awesome picnic , chickens walked around our feet and asked us for bits of sandwich to eat . They were very funny . When I had eaten my picnic , I found that there was also an amazing playground in the barn , just waiting for me to play on it . The playground was made of that soft squishy stuff that little people can fall off without hurting themselves . There were slides and a ball pond and big squashy things hanging down from the ceiling , that boshed you as you ran past them . This is when the funny thing happened . Mummy jumped up onto her feet and came running up the big ramp to find me . Only instead of crawling through the opening at the top of the ramp like she was supposed to do , she carried on running and went BOSH ! ! ! - right into a big red bar ! Daddy didn 't laugh ( although I am sure that he wanted to ) . He came into the playground to check that mummy was not broken , and then he came up the ramp to help me go down the slide . Daddy did not bosh his head or fall down the ramp or anything , which was a bit disappointing for me . But then again , I don 't think that granny would have coped very well if daddy had boshed himself as well . I think that she might have burst from laughing too much . When I had finished playing on the playground , and mummy was able to walk about again , we went to see the rest of the farm . We had a walk and fed some goats , and we saw sheep and pigs and rabbits and ducks , and then the parent staff had a race on some go - karts , and I got to sit in the front of mummy 's go - kart with her and race against daddy . Daddy won , but that is probably because mummy was still broken after all of the falling . I am very tired after my day at the farm , and I think that I will sleep very well tonight . I will have sweet , sweet dreams about mummy flying through the air and landing on her bottom , again and again and again . . . Hahahahaha . The party was for Auntie Jess , because she is having a baby . This is what mummy says , anyway . But when I asked mummy where the baby is , she said that it is in Auntie Jess 's tummy . What a silly thing to say ! Grown - ups are weird , but they do not eat babies ! ! ! What I think is that the parent staff just wanted to have a party , so that they could eat nice food and play silly games - and that the baby is one of those things that they have just made up , because they are silly . Anyway . To get ready for the party , mummy took us all to the big shop to buy food , and then into town to buy balloons and packets of paper , and party plates and napkins . I tend to get very excited about town , because there is a lot going on and it makes me want to run around and make the parent staff chase me . So this is mainly what I did when we went into shops : I ran around laughing and hiding behind strangers ; and when I wasn 't doing this I spent some time poking things with my dribbly fingers , because mummy had told me not to . Mummy said that we were going to turn the living room into an " enchanted forest " , using the things that we had bought in town . She cut out loads of big leaves from green paper using her scissors ( which I am not allowed to touch ) , and then we threw them all over the floor . Daddy hung long pieces of green and purple paper down the windows , and then he blew up many , many balloons and put more long paper on the balloons ' bottoms . When he let go of the balloons , they floated all the way up to the ceiling and the paper dangled down underneath them like long green snakes . It looked really cool . Then they put a box in front of the window and stood a super - big toadstool on it . The toadstool was something that me and daddy had made a few days ago using " paper - mash - ey " . I didn 't really know why we were making it at the time ( although it was good fun getting my hands messy and trying to eat the paste ) , but mummy explained that it was going to be a postbox for people to put messages in for the baby . I don 't really understand why a made - up baby would need messages , but never mind . The toadstool looked cool anyway . Daddy had painted it red and silver , and it had a hole in its head for the post to go into . Not long after this , people started to arrive for the party . They were all ladies and all grown - ups , except for one little person called Lara , who was a little bit bigger than me . Since all of the other party people were grown - ups , Lara was the coolest person there ( except for me ) , and I followed her around and showed her my playroom and asked to sit next to her lots . The grown - ups did some boring talking and then Auntie Jess arrived , and looked very surprised to see everyone there in the enchanted forest . Now that I think about it , her tummy did look a lot bigger than it usually is . I wonder what all that is about . Maybe she did eat a baby after all . The party got much more interesting then , because mummy let us all go and eat the party food . Auntie Jess 's mummy had brought food too , so there were loads of good things to eat on the table . Mummy filled a plate up with sandwiches and fruit for me , and I ate it all and then went back to the table to " scrounge " for some more . Then awful mummy decided that it was time for me to have my nap , so she asked daddy to take me away upstairs . I didn 't want to miss out on the party , or to go away from all my lovely sandwich friends and Lara , so I started to bawl loudly as daddy carried me away . I could tell that all of the other grown - ups felt sorry for me , but they didn 't save me and let me stay . This was very lucky for daddy but a bit of a problem for mummy and me , because whenever daddy is at home with us we always end up being late for things . I don 't know why this is . Maybe it 's because whenever it 's time for us to go somewhere , mummy starts flapping about like a big crazy bird and squawking for daddy to hurry up because we 're going to be late . . . and then daddy starts moving even more slowly than usual , just to be naughty . This is very brave of daddy because it makes squawking mummy even more angry , and it also makes us even later than we were already . I stopped crying pretty much straight away because I wasn 't properly crying anyway , just making lots of noise , and there 's no point in making lots of noise when there 's no one around to hear you . Daddy came back upstairs to talk to me and I didn 't want to hear the boring things that he was about to say , so I tried to distract him before he could start speaking . As he was walking up the stairs I peered down at him and said , " He - yo daddy - boy ! " very cheerfully , and then I poked my foot at his nose and said , " Oh wow , look , a foot ! " After daddy had brought me back downstairs we played a few more games until it was time for my bath , but the brawl carried on pretty much all the way up until bedtime . I was kind of hoping that if the parent staff realised how much I didn 't want it to be bedtime , then maybe they wouldn 't make it happen . So I cried about walking upstairs . . . about taking my shoes off . . . about going in the bath . . . about getting out of the bath . . . about being dried . . . and about going to bed . It didn 't work though , because the parent staff still put me to bed , and they were very cross about all of the crying . So cross that they wouldn 't even read me a bedtime story . That was the one part that I wouldn 't have cried about , as well . |
The weather had been . . . Well , iffy was the best way to put it . My sister thought I was crazy to go to the cabin when the weather might change at any moment . " You 're too old to go kiting off on some getaway , " she had said , her finger almost touching my nose as she waved it back and forth . Apparently she 'd forgotten the incident when I was four and I 'd simply bitten the offending finger . I could still see the marks . " You just don 't - - " Red came running from the bedroom as soon Margie left . The cat was very wise and always stayed out of sight when my sister visited . Margie never tired of pointing out that by my age she was already married with four kids , as though that was the pinnacle of human ambition . She took my reluctance to leap into the gene pool as an affront to her choices . As it happened , I liked her little rugrats . I still wasn 't certain I needed any of my own . And Margie did tend not to mention her divorce . " You ready for the trip , guy ? " I asked . " Get out of the city for awhile , check out the cabin Uncle Lee left to me ? That 's what really annoys her , you know . He only left her a small fortune . He gave me the place he loved . " I 'd been to the cabin several times through the years , both with and without Uncle Lee . I would miss the old guy and the tales he told around the fireplace on the cold mountain nights . He 'd had an imagination and even as I grew older , I still loved his tales of magical places . " The cabin is close to the line , " he 'd told me the last time we 'd been there together . He 'd been intense ; if he hadn 't died in a car accident , I would have thought he 'd somehow known I would be here alone soon . " The veil between here and the world of magic isn 't far away . If you 're lucky , you 'll get to see something from the other side . If you 're really lucky , you 'll make friends with some of the others . As long as you treat the land well , Michael , they 'll like you . " We reached the cabin late at night , but I knew the way and we 'd had no trouble getting there . I carried Red in and started the fire before it got any later . A cold breeze blew down from the higher peaks and I feared Margie might have been right about my timing . Not that I would ever admit it to her , though . We had a rollickingly good storm that night . Red slept under the blankets , and I admit I pulled the covers over my head as well . Lightning flashed almost continuously for an hour , some of it with odd hues , lighting the little bedroom with blue and purple glows that seemed to hold on a little longer than normal . Then the storm passed and I slept until dawn . Red made his way out of bed when I did . The place was cold , the fire gone low , so I dressed hurriedly and started working on getting the embers stirred up . Lizard . Really , just a lizard . . . Lost in the woods , clear up in the cold mountains where there should never be any lizards . . . . Flapping his little wings . I went out the door and walked around to the window . The little guy turned and leapt at me . I thought he was going for my throat . Actually , he was trying to burrow into my shirt . I pulled the door open , still trying to sort things out . She crossed to the hearth and knelt . " I told you not to go out in that storm ! But I see you made a new friend . This must be Red . Uncle Lee always talked about what a smart cat he was . " So I finally met the neighbors . Uncle Lee was right - - I was very lucky . By the time I left a few days later , I started thinking about bringing Margie 's kids up here . . . and the magical tales I would be telling them . Easier , of course , is rarely the better choice for a story . However , harder can look manipulated unless block off other directions . If your character decides to cut through the woods on the way to the castle , rather than take the path that leads straight there , give a good reason that will make the other path not the best one . Here are several I can think of for this simple set up : There are five reasons he didn 't take the path . Now , what happens to him in the woods is another matter . You know something is going to happen , but why then and there ? That 's another case where you have to close off other paths to make certain this one is viable . Yes , there is chance in real life . Unfortunately , we rarely accept it as readers . Alicia wasn 't surprised by the new delay as she again waited . She 'd been part of a bureaucracy . Even at its best , New Worlds for Humanity had the same stop - and - go movement of any big company - - or government agency . Wait . She couldn 't sleep any more . She cleaned up and even washed out her hair as best she could and spent a lot of time working snarls out . It passed the time . " You don 't have to go . I can still find you that nice , quiet beach for awhile until things calm down on Earth . People still believe we 're terrorists , though the government is countering those rumors . We 've been helped by the fact that Brown tried to kill a number of people when he was cornered . " " Unfortunately not , but they did get a lot of the information he had with him . We 're mostly in the clear , Alicia . Well , you are - - I 'm still under suspicion , being an IWCS agent and working here illegally . I 'm going back to Mars . Brown went off - world with Ross House help . Grey Station 9 is still in trouble . This isn 't really over . " " What does the IWC want from me ? " she asked . " Help . Any information we can get on Brown and New Worlds for Humanity since he took over . " He ran a hand over the top of his head and through his hair , looking as harassed as she 'd ever seen him . Was that an act ? She didn 't think so . " We 're trying to round up others from the company , both on Earth and off , who had worked during Brown 's reign . If he could get hold of materials he shouldn 't have had even here on earth - - " Theseus stopped and shook his head , and for a moment she saw true dismay . She thought about Brown and how she 'd never truly liked or trusted him . Step away now ? She was probably one of the few top members of the company alive . How many had died at the building ? How many had he killed elsewhere ? " I 'll go with you , " she decided . He looked pleased . " I want to see this finished right , Theseus . And I don 't trust Brown , either . " Well . Was he that important or was it the information he had that they wanted so badly ? She gave one quick nod and walked out with him , wondering if she should mention that she had no ID or anything - - how was she going to get back home again ? Earth was very strict about who got on world , and she might have trouble returning . Oddly , though , she trusted Theseus to make certain things worked out right . At least she wasn 't going to be sitting in that cell any longer . Clean clothes might have been nice , but she 'd washed up as best she could in that little room . She felt odd still being in Port Guard uniform , though he still wore one too . Camouflage . They walked straight through the building without drawing any extra attention . A covert glance around showed many nervous people . Daylight streamed through the windows on the lower floor . Alicia saw smoke and could hear the wail of sirens not far away and the comm announced a problem in the southwest section of town . She 'd been sealed off from the problems and for some reason had expected everything to be settled by now . Alicia asked nothing , especially as others moved around them . No reason to draw attention . She didn 't slow as they headed straight out a gate and down the tube into a small shuttle . They were the only ones aboard and as soon as the door sealed , the shuttle began powering up . Anxious to be rid of them , she thought . Or at least Theseus . " Safer . " He sat up straighter and she regretted having bothered him , but maybe she needed to know things before they took off . " Brown is not happy with us . We weren 't good sheep and didn 't march straight to the slaughter for him . We 're also finding more ties to Ross House , which makes him more dangerous than I thought . Everything he 's done is coming unraveled , but he still has power . " " Yes , good idea . " She keyed the pocketcomp on , glad to have something left that belonged to her . She 'd never been attached to things , but having this returned at least felt as though she was not completely cut off from her true life . " You are one of the most steady people I 've ever worked with , " Theseus said suddenly . " And it occurs to me that you are without a job . How would you like to work for Inner Worlds Council Security ? " During November I wrote the novel Tales from Grey Station 9 , which covered problems at the other end of this story - universe . I decided to do this little side - story serial to explore the trouble back with New Worlds for Humanity . The stories are going on at about the same time . It was an interesting little experiment . Every December I make certain I 've finished up everything for the year . That means completing whatever drafts I am working on , tidying up outlines , and completing edits . When January 1 dawns , I am free to do whatever I want . It 's a whole new year with nothing that has to be finished . I started with a lovely new sf novel a little bit after midnight on January 1 . Oh , there 's the usual stuff . Write new things . Publish older things . I am determined to get at least one paper bound book out this year , which means really and truly setting down with InDesign and working my way through the entire process , not this start and stop stuff I 've done for the last two years . Silky will be the first print publication , and if all goes well , there will be others . I have changed the release dates for the new issue of Vision to get it away from the start of the year when everything is so crazy . The new first issue of the year is February 1 . I may only do three issues a year from now on . This is year 15 for the ezine and it is getting very hard to get new articles . I 'll work something out . I plan for my first ebook novel release to be in March . This is a new approach for me , not to have something new coming out each month ( short stories or longer novels as they get done ) like I did for the last four years . Truthfully , I 've run out of the ' easy ' things to publish , the ones I 'd had mostly finished and prepared for submission to agents and publishers . Now I 'm delving into newer material that is still in the first draft stage and will take longer to process . I have 54 publications right now , the first published on February 7 , 2011 . That has been a lot of work . During all this I got an idea for a new urban fantasy ( Outcasts : Sleeper Awake ) that looks like it could be a series if I want . I 've been jotting down a few notes here and there - - and now I have about 5k in notes . LOL . Weekly flash fiction stuff . . . Finishing off an sf / adventure called Company Policy , which is down to the last two or three entries . Since it 's flash fiction , each entry is just a bit short of 1k . Those have been fascinating to write . I 'll do a few weeks of independent stories , and then probably start the flash fiction serial sequel to Going Elsewhere . ( Yay ! Edmond the talking cat will be back ! ) Yeah , I 'll be busy for a while . And by the time I 'm done with all that , I 'll have a dozen more things I want to do . Then there is the daily photo blog ( just short of 3000 entries right now ) which is hard to keep up in the winter when I don 't go out much and we 've had virtually no snow . Getting new pictures each day isn 't easy in those cases . ( Here , kitty kitty . Okay , teddy bears , then . Or maybe the shelves of tea again ? How about pictures of pictures ! ) Oh and that brings us to art stuff . I 've been playing with new programs and I 've been so enthralled with them that they 've actually taken time away from writing for the last week or so . It 's been wonderfully exciting and fun , because I get to work with my 150 , 000 photos ( I am not exaggerating . I have them cataloged in Adobe Lightroom , which is a wonderful program ) and make art prints out of them . This has been a lot of fun and a good thing to get me away from writing for a bit each day . Yes , even I need a break from it now and then . Theseus patted her leg and smiled . " We 're done now . Answer everything they ask , even about where we 've been . My friends will have moved on by now , so don 't worry about it . This may take a while to work out , but we 'll be safer with the Port Guard than we have been on our own , and probably safer than if we 'd been taken in by the locals . " " Help will be on the way . " He patted the door at his back . " They were slow to come up here . The message has gone out . " That should have given her some hope since it apparently did so for Theseus . She didn 't know these people , though . How could she trust them when the ones she had known - - the people at New Worlds for Humanity - - had betrayed her on every level ? Trust Theseus ? No , not particularly . This had changed her and her world . She felt as though she had to be a different person between going to work - - was it yesterday morning ? - - and by the time the lift opened and the armored troops rushed out towards them . The sight startled her at first , but then she realized they expected explosives . " You 'll want to see this , " Theseus said . He pushed something golden out across the floor . Everyone froze , but a moment later a voice muffled in the armor spoke . The guard said nothing at all . They went down several levels , but she was surrounded by guards and could see nothing . They didn 't have hold of her and they hadn 't secured her , but there was no way she could get past them , so it hardly mattered . One wrong move , she thought . One move and they 'll just shoot me . How many had died out there ? These people were not going to simply take Theseus at his word , so they still believed that she was someone who had wantonly set bombs off in the city and killed anyone who just happened to be in the area . The thought made her ill . She sat in a cell for a long , long time . No windows . No way to tell time . There was a fountain and a somewhat private bathroom . One cot up against the wall . She sat on the edge and stared at her hands . No one had asked her anything so far . She hoped that meant they were learning the truth about Theseus and he would simply clear her in this matter . Then she would not have to clear herself . Eventually a woman came in , sat a chair down in front of the cot and gave a nod . " I am recording , both your words and your physical responses to what I ask . Do you understand ? " She stared , shocked by the question . " You can 't believe - - we didn 't do it ! Theseus thinks Brown is behind it all - - I think he might be right , but it wasn 't us . " " I don 't know , " she said , confused this time . " I 've never tried to get weapons . I suppose whatever access people have to them . " She 'd been going over that part in her mind , but even so it didn 't come clearly now that she had to tell the story . The woman asked several questions that clarified what Alicia said , and so they worked through the entire sequence of events . And then again , but with a much shorter range of questions . How long ? She didn 't know . She woke , used the bathroom , drank some water and sat on the cot again . Waited , waited . For all she knew , the others had simply forgotten her . All she could do was wait . They brought her food finally . The guard carried in a little table and put the platter on it , saying nothing . She nodded her thanks . The person left again . She nibbled at the food with no appetite . The coffee was bitter . She poured it out and brought back water instead , ate a little more of the eggs and bacon and wondered if it really was morning or not . Wondered where Theseus was now , and his precious Inner Worlds Council . Anger slipped in around the despair and she let it have full reign for a while . Too tiring , though , the hold that rage . The IDs got them inside the building , just as he said they would . The next security station wouldn 't be that easy , though . Theseus didn 't slow - - but he turned off to the right before they got to the station and the two headed down a hall . Others were here , but no one took note of them . He sprinted ahead to the emergency stairs and shoved something up against the lock and began to tape it with frantic haste . The door opened slightly and he pushed her in and down . He followed , closed the door - - the light that had come on went out , but they still had some light from the window in the door . So they started up the stairs . They had to stay low for most of the way because there were people out in the halls and they passed the windows in the doors . After the eighth floor they dared walk up the stairs , though . There were fewer people in those halls now . She didn 't know much about how Port Towers worked , but it seemed odd to see so much of it quiet at a time like this . " They have offices and meeting rooms about midway through the tower , " he said . " Not at the bottom and not at the top - - both are too vulnerable . They still aren 't safe , of course , but there is a chance attackers would be stopped at lower levels , and anyone dropping bombs - - or aircars - - on the top floors would have less chance of hitting those in charge . " " It has out in the stars , Alicia . And though this place is on Earth , it 's linked to the stars . " He stopped and rubbed at his wounded leg and then started out again . They went up another four flights in silence , but they were nearing the final floor . " I don 't know what we 'll find up top . I 'm going straight to the comm equipment . There will be at least one person on duty there , but the main communication 's room is down a few floors . This is backup and the link straight to the generator . I 'm going to tap in there , send my message and hope for the best . I think I have everything worked out on the pocket comp . I just need to keep it connected long enough to relay everything . " " No , " he agreed and glanced at her , almost nervous for the first time . " I don 't think we 're going to get back out . I have to send the message , after that , we 're done . We just have to not get killed . " Somewhere out in the city something exploded . They felt the building shake slightly and heard the muted sound . " Out of time , " he said . He stood straighter and did the work with the lock . He smiled brightly and they walked straight out the stairwell and down the hall . A guard did stand before a door , right there in sight . He had to know where they came from - - but he paused , surprised . Something puffed up from the pocketcomp . The guard wavered , reaching for his comm - - but Theseus grabbed his arm . " No . You 'll be fine . Don 't worry . " The man blinked , blinked again , and his eyes closed . He slid down to the floor . Theseus didn 't let him fall , sitting him carefully against the wall . He took the comm and the weapon . " He won 't be out for long . " It didn 't take Theseus any longer to get this door open than any of the others , which made her really start wondering about security on her world . She had heard IWCS agents were special and dangerous , but just the same - - They were inside . He went straight across to the huge stand of equipment she in no way understood . So she stayed and looked out the window . Spots of smoke rose up in various areas - - some of it too close . " The minute I set this off they 're going to head up here , " he said . " I think we should be out in the hall when it happens , with the door closed . That will give it a bit more time to send , if need be . " She gave one more glance to the world outside the window and then crossed to the door . Theseus did something and darted her way , but alarms were ringing already . He opened the door , closed it behind them - - and they stood there , waiting . They didn 't have trouble moving back into a crowd that was being herded basically in the same direction they wanted to go . When the guards moved the group another way , Theseus was able to get them into a little area behind a gate , hidden as others went past . The timing had to be perfect not to draw the attention of anyone in the group . Within two hours she could clearly see the port tower rising into the somewhat smoky sky . There had been no more explosions , but the fear of more trouble made the streets just as dangerous as before . People expected trouble . And worse , marquees were starting to flash pictures of the two of them . Alicia felt her hands twitch towards her hair each time , hoping the disguise was still in place . They inched their way closer . There were no more crowds now , but a few stragglers moved by . More port guards were present though . Her heart pounded with worry every time one came too near . " Need someone of rank , " he said . He had begun to slip out of the disguise . That worried her more . " Enough rank to get through the first doors without question . I can take it from there . " He shoved the clothing and the rest of the disguise into a trash bin . " Take off anything that encumbers you . We 're going to be moving quickly now . " " That 's what worries me . The government is not mentioning the loss of the weapons , but you can bet that they think we have them . There were both large and small weapons . . . So the less we are carrying with us that might conceal something , the better . We don 't want to give them any reason to start firing . You will want to go with me ? " " We 're going to do this , " he said . He stood , hand still on the cane . " Stay still . I 'll be right back . " He didn 't give her a chance to ask what to do if he didn 't return . She dropped down into the corner , made herself as small as possible , and simply waited . He was gone forever . . . but not very long at all . He came back with a man hanging over his shoulder and he stumbled to a stop , went to his knees , and carefully settled the guard on the ground . He was clearly alive . " This one is for you . Jacket and pants should do . The shoes if they fit well enough , but I suspect they 'll be too big . " He stared back out at what they could see of the world through the narrow gap they had for a view . She was nearly changed by the time he leapt out . She hard the scuffle this time , which was not pleasant , fearing Theseus was going to fall to this man . However , he dragged this one back by the shoulders and deposited him by the other . " They 'll be out for about five hours , " he said and showed her a small needle that slipped back up by his wrist . " Nothing normally dangerous and they both seem to be doing okay . With luck , we 'll have someone here to pick them up in a couple hours . " " We 're going to march straight in the front door , " he said . He had both the IDs in hand and began fiddling with one . " I 'm nullifying the back check - - the ID should give off an alarm if it 's more than fifty feet from the owner . People won 't consider a problem if we have legit IDs to show . " He handed one over to her . It already had her picture . " We IWCS agents are tricky , " he said . He was playing with the other ID now . " I got the pictures off the pocketcomps . You don 't look quite like yourself , but I 'm going to look too much like me . It 's a chance we have to take . I can 't go in like an old woman . " " This won 't get us through inner security , but I have a way around that , too . Just stay close . And if they do stop us , go down to your knees and put your hands behind your head . Don 't try to explain , don 't ask questions , just make yourself as unobtrusive as possible . " They stepped out of their little protection and headed down the street . Within the block a few more of the guards were walking within a few feet of them . Alicia didn 't look at them and kept her pace steady with Theseus . He 'd put aside the cane and he didn 't limp . They turned one corner , walked down a street , and turned another . The port tower entrance stood ahead of them , about three blocks away . More and more guards were gathered here , though several groups were leaving as well . |
The weather had been . . . Well , iffy was the best way to put it . My sister thought I was crazy to go to the cabin when the weather might change at any moment . " You 're too old to go kiting off on some getaway , " she had said , her finger almost touching my nose as she waved it back and forth . Apparently she 'd forgotten the incident when I was four and I 'd simply bitten the offending finger . I could still see the marks . " You just don 't - - " Red came running from the bedroom as soon Margie left . The cat was very wise and always stayed out of sight when my sister visited . Margie never tired of pointing out that by my age she was already married with four kids , as though that was the pinnacle of human ambition . She took my reluctance to leap into the gene pool as an affront to her choices . As it happened , I liked her little rugrats . I still wasn 't certain I needed any of my own . And Margie did tend not to mention her divorce . " You ready for the trip , guy ? " I asked . " Get out of the city for awhile , check out the cabin Uncle Lee left to me ? That 's what really annoys her , you know . He only left her a small fortune . He gave me the place he loved . " I 'd been to the cabin several times through the years , both with and without Uncle Lee . I would miss the old guy and the tales he told around the fireplace on the cold mountain nights . He 'd had an imagination and even as I grew older , I still loved his tales of magical places . " The cabin is close to the line , " he 'd told me the last time we 'd been there together . He 'd been intense ; if he hadn 't died in a car accident , I would have thought he 'd somehow known I would be here alone soon . " The veil between here and the world of magic isn 't far away . If you 're lucky , you 'll get to see something from the other side . If you 're really lucky , you 'll make friends with some of the others . As long as you treat the land well , Michael , they 'll like you . " We reached the cabin late at night , but I knew the way and we 'd had no trouble getting there . I carried Red in and started the fire before it got any later . A cold breeze blew down from the higher peaks and I feared Margie might have been right about my timing . Not that I would ever admit it to her , though . We had a rollickingly good storm that night . Red slept under the blankets , and I admit I pulled the covers over my head as well . Lightning flashed almost continuously for an hour , some of it with odd hues , lighting the little bedroom with blue and purple glows that seemed to hold on a little longer than normal . Then the storm passed and I slept until dawn . Red made his way out of bed when I did . The place was cold , the fire gone low , so I dressed hurriedly and started working on getting the embers stirred up . Lizard . Really , just a lizard . . . Lost in the woods , clear up in the cold mountains where there should never be any lizards . . . . Flapping his little wings . I went out the door and walked around to the window . The little guy turned and leapt at me . I thought he was going for my throat . Actually , he was trying to burrow into my shirt . I pulled the door open , still trying to sort things out . She crossed to the hearth and knelt . " I told you not to go out in that storm ! But I see you made a new friend . This must be Red . Uncle Lee always talked about what a smart cat he was . " So I finally met the neighbors . Uncle Lee was right - - I was very lucky . By the time I left a few days later , I started thinking about bringing Margie 's kids up here . . . and the magical tales I would be telling them . Easier , of course , is rarely the better choice for a story . However , harder can look manipulated unless block off other directions . If your character decides to cut through the woods on the way to the castle , rather than take the path that leads straight there , give a good reason that will make the other path not the best one . Here are several I can think of for this simple set up : There are five reasons he didn 't take the path . Now , what happens to him in the woods is another matter . You know something is going to happen , but why then and there ? That 's another case where you have to close off other paths to make certain this one is viable . Yes , there is chance in real life . Unfortunately , we rarely accept it as readers . Alicia wasn 't surprised by the new delay as she again waited . She 'd been part of a bureaucracy . Even at its best , New Worlds for Humanity had the same stop - and - go movement of any big company - - or government agency . Wait . She couldn 't sleep any more . She cleaned up and even washed out her hair as best she could and spent a lot of time working snarls out . It passed the time . " You don 't have to go . I can still find you that nice , quiet beach for awhile until things calm down on Earth . People still believe we 're terrorists , though the government is countering those rumors . We 've been helped by the fact that Brown tried to kill a number of people when he was cornered . " " Unfortunately not , but they did get a lot of the information he had with him . We 're mostly in the clear , Alicia . Well , you are - - I 'm still under suspicion , being an IWCS agent and working here illegally . I 'm going back to Mars . Brown went off - world with Ross House help . Grey Station 9 is still in trouble . This isn 't really over . " " What does the IWC want from me ? " she asked . " Help . Any information we can get on Brown and New Worlds for Humanity since he took over . " He ran a hand over the top of his head and through his hair , looking as harassed as she 'd ever seen him . Was that an act ? She didn 't think so . " We 're trying to round up others from the company , both on Earth and off , who had worked during Brown 's reign . If he could get hold of materials he shouldn 't have had even here on earth - - " Theseus stopped and shook his head , and for a moment she saw true dismay . She thought about Brown and how she 'd never truly liked or trusted him . Step away now ? She was probably one of the few top members of the company alive . How many had died at the building ? How many had he killed elsewhere ? " I 'll go with you , " she decided . He looked pleased . " I want to see this finished right , Theseus . And I don 't trust Brown , either . " Well . Was he that important or was it the information he had that they wanted so badly ? She gave one quick nod and walked out with him , wondering if she should mention that she had no ID or anything - - how was she going to get back home again ? Earth was very strict about who got on world , and she might have trouble returning . Oddly , though , she trusted Theseus to make certain things worked out right . At least she wasn 't going to be sitting in that cell any longer . Clean clothes might have been nice , but she 'd washed up as best she could in that little room . She felt odd still being in Port Guard uniform , though he still wore one too . Camouflage . They walked straight through the building without drawing any extra attention . A covert glance around showed many nervous people . Daylight streamed through the windows on the lower floor . Alicia saw smoke and could hear the wail of sirens not far away and the comm announced a problem in the southwest section of town . She 'd been sealed off from the problems and for some reason had expected everything to be settled by now . Alicia asked nothing , especially as others moved around them . No reason to draw attention . She didn 't slow as they headed straight out a gate and down the tube into a small shuttle . They were the only ones aboard and as soon as the door sealed , the shuttle began powering up . Anxious to be rid of them , she thought . Or at least Theseus . " Safer . " He sat up straighter and she regretted having bothered him , but maybe she needed to know things before they took off . " Brown is not happy with us . We weren 't good sheep and didn 't march straight to the slaughter for him . We 're also finding more ties to Ross House , which makes him more dangerous than I thought . Everything he 's done is coming unraveled , but he still has power . " " Yes , good idea . " She keyed the pocketcomp on , glad to have something left that belonged to her . She 'd never been attached to things , but having this returned at least felt as though she was not completely cut off from her true life . " You are one of the most steady people I 've ever worked with , " Theseus said suddenly . " And it occurs to me that you are without a job . How would you like to work for Inner Worlds Council Security ? " During November I wrote the novel Tales from Grey Station 9 , which covered problems at the other end of this story - universe . I decided to do this little side - story serial to explore the trouble back with New Worlds for Humanity . The stories are going on at about the same time . It was an interesting little experiment . Every December I make certain I 've finished up everything for the year . That means completing whatever drafts I am working on , tidying up outlines , and completing edits . When January 1 dawns , I am free to do whatever I want . It 's a whole new year with nothing that has to be finished . I started with a lovely new sf novel a little bit after midnight on January 1 . Oh , there 's the usual stuff . Write new things . Publish older things . I am determined to get at least one paper bound book out this year , which means really and truly setting down with InDesign and working my way through the entire process , not this start and stop stuff I 've done for the last two years . Silky will be the first print publication , and if all goes well , there will be others . I have changed the release dates for the new issue of Vision to get it away from the start of the year when everything is so crazy . The new first issue of the year is February 1 . I may only do three issues a year from now on . This is year 15 for the ezine and it is getting very hard to get new articles . I 'll work something out . I plan for my first ebook novel release to be in March . This is a new approach for me , not to have something new coming out each month ( short stories or longer novels as they get done ) like I did for the last four years . Truthfully , I 've run out of the ' easy ' things to publish , the ones I 'd had mostly finished and prepared for submission to agents and publishers . Now I 'm delving into newer material that is still in the first draft stage and will take longer to process . I have 54 publications right now , the first published on February 7 , 2011 . That has been a lot of work . During all this I got an idea for a new urban fantasy ( Outcasts : Sleeper Awake ) that looks like it could be a series if I want . I 've been jotting down a few notes here and there - - and now I have about 5k in notes . LOL . Weekly flash fiction stuff . . . Finishing off an sf / adventure called Company Policy , which is down to the last two or three entries . Since it 's flash fiction , each entry is just a bit short of 1k . Those have been fascinating to write . I 'll do a few weeks of independent stories , and then probably start the flash fiction serial sequel to Going Elsewhere . ( Yay ! Edmond the talking cat will be back ! ) Yeah , I 'll be busy for a while . And by the time I 'm done with all that , I 'll have a dozen more things I want to do . Then there is the daily photo blog ( just short of 3000 entries right now ) which is hard to keep up in the winter when I don 't go out much and we 've had virtually no snow . Getting new pictures each day isn 't easy in those cases . ( Here , kitty kitty . Okay , teddy bears , then . Or maybe the shelves of tea again ? How about pictures of pictures ! ) Oh and that brings us to art stuff . I 've been playing with new programs and I 've been so enthralled with them that they 've actually taken time away from writing for the last week or so . It 's been wonderfully exciting and fun , because I get to work with my 150 , 000 photos ( I am not exaggerating . I have them cataloged in Adobe Lightroom , which is a wonderful program ) and make art prints out of them . This has been a lot of fun and a good thing to get me away from writing for a bit each day . Yes , even I need a break from it now and then . Theseus patted her leg and smiled . " We 're done now . Answer everything they ask , even about where we 've been . My friends will have moved on by now , so don 't worry about it . This may take a while to work out , but we 'll be safer with the Port Guard than we have been on our own , and probably safer than if we 'd been taken in by the locals . " " Help will be on the way . " He patted the door at his back . " They were slow to come up here . The message has gone out . " That should have given her some hope since it apparently did so for Theseus . She didn 't know these people , though . How could she trust them when the ones she had known - - the people at New Worlds for Humanity - - had betrayed her on every level ? Trust Theseus ? No , not particularly . This had changed her and her world . She felt as though she had to be a different person between going to work - - was it yesterday morning ? - - and by the time the lift opened and the armored troops rushed out towards them . The sight startled her at first , but then she realized they expected explosives . " You 'll want to see this , " Theseus said . He pushed something golden out across the floor . Everyone froze , but a moment later a voice muffled in the armor spoke . The guard said nothing at all . They went down several levels , but she was surrounded by guards and could see nothing . They didn 't have hold of her and they hadn 't secured her , but there was no way she could get past them , so it hardly mattered . One wrong move , she thought . One move and they 'll just shoot me . How many had died out there ? These people were not going to simply take Theseus at his word , so they still believed that she was someone who had wantonly set bombs off in the city and killed anyone who just happened to be in the area . The thought made her ill . She sat in a cell for a long , long time . No windows . No way to tell time . There was a fountain and a somewhat private bathroom . One cot up against the wall . She sat on the edge and stared at her hands . No one had asked her anything so far . She hoped that meant they were learning the truth about Theseus and he would simply clear her in this matter . Then she would not have to clear herself . Eventually a woman came in , sat a chair down in front of the cot and gave a nod . " I am recording , both your words and your physical responses to what I ask . Do you understand ? " She stared , shocked by the question . " You can 't believe - - we didn 't do it ! Theseus thinks Brown is behind it all - - I think he might be right , but it wasn 't us . " " I don 't know , " she said , confused this time . " I 've never tried to get weapons . I suppose whatever access people have to them . " She 'd been going over that part in her mind , but even so it didn 't come clearly now that she had to tell the story . The woman asked several questions that clarified what Alicia said , and so they worked through the entire sequence of events . And then again , but with a much shorter range of questions . How long ? She didn 't know . She woke , used the bathroom , drank some water and sat on the cot again . Waited , waited . For all she knew , the others had simply forgotten her . All she could do was wait . They brought her food finally . The guard carried in a little table and put the platter on it , saying nothing . She nodded her thanks . The person left again . She nibbled at the food with no appetite . The coffee was bitter . She poured it out and brought back water instead , ate a little more of the eggs and bacon and wondered if it really was morning or not . Wondered where Theseus was now , and his precious Inner Worlds Council . Anger slipped in around the despair and she let it have full reign for a while . Too tiring , though , the hold that rage . The IDs got them inside the building , just as he said they would . The next security station wouldn 't be that easy , though . Theseus didn 't slow - - but he turned off to the right before they got to the station and the two headed down a hall . Others were here , but no one took note of them . He sprinted ahead to the emergency stairs and shoved something up against the lock and began to tape it with frantic haste . The door opened slightly and he pushed her in and down . He followed , closed the door - - the light that had come on went out , but they still had some light from the window in the door . So they started up the stairs . They had to stay low for most of the way because there were people out in the halls and they passed the windows in the doors . After the eighth floor they dared walk up the stairs , though . There were fewer people in those halls now . She didn 't know much about how Port Towers worked , but it seemed odd to see so much of it quiet at a time like this . " They have offices and meeting rooms about midway through the tower , " he said . " Not at the bottom and not at the top - - both are too vulnerable . They still aren 't safe , of course , but there is a chance attackers would be stopped at lower levels , and anyone dropping bombs - - or aircars - - on the top floors would have less chance of hitting those in charge . " " It has out in the stars , Alicia . And though this place is on Earth , it 's linked to the stars . " He stopped and rubbed at his wounded leg and then started out again . They went up another four flights in silence , but they were nearing the final floor . " I don 't know what we 'll find up top . I 'm going straight to the comm equipment . There will be at least one person on duty there , but the main communication 's room is down a few floors . This is backup and the link straight to the generator . I 'm going to tap in there , send my message and hope for the best . I think I have everything worked out on the pocket comp . I just need to keep it connected long enough to relay everything . " " No , " he agreed and glanced at her , almost nervous for the first time . " I don 't think we 're going to get back out . I have to send the message , after that , we 're done . We just have to not get killed . " Somewhere out in the city something exploded . They felt the building shake slightly and heard the muted sound . " Out of time , " he said . He stood straighter and did the work with the lock . He smiled brightly and they walked straight out the stairwell and down the hall . A guard did stand before a door , right there in sight . He had to know where they came from - - but he paused , surprised . Something puffed up from the pocketcomp . The guard wavered , reaching for his comm - - but Theseus grabbed his arm . " No . You 'll be fine . Don 't worry . " The man blinked , blinked again , and his eyes closed . He slid down to the floor . Theseus didn 't let him fall , sitting him carefully against the wall . He took the comm and the weapon . " He won 't be out for long . " It didn 't take Theseus any longer to get this door open than any of the others , which made her really start wondering about security on her world . She had heard IWCS agents were special and dangerous , but just the same - - They were inside . He went straight across to the huge stand of equipment she in no way understood . So she stayed and looked out the window . Spots of smoke rose up in various areas - - some of it too close . " The minute I set this off they 're going to head up here , " he said . " I think we should be out in the hall when it happens , with the door closed . That will give it a bit more time to send , if need be . " She gave one more glance to the world outside the window and then crossed to the door . Theseus did something and darted her way , but alarms were ringing already . He opened the door , closed it behind them - - and they stood there , waiting . They didn 't have trouble moving back into a crowd that was being herded basically in the same direction they wanted to go . When the guards moved the group another way , Theseus was able to get them into a little area behind a gate , hidden as others went past . The timing had to be perfect not to draw the attention of anyone in the group . Within two hours she could clearly see the port tower rising into the somewhat smoky sky . There had been no more explosions , but the fear of more trouble made the streets just as dangerous as before . People expected trouble . And worse , marquees were starting to flash pictures of the two of them . Alicia felt her hands twitch towards her hair each time , hoping the disguise was still in place . They inched their way closer . There were no more crowds now , but a few stragglers moved by . More port guards were present though . Her heart pounded with worry every time one came too near . " Need someone of rank , " he said . He had begun to slip out of the disguise . That worried her more . " Enough rank to get through the first doors without question . I can take it from there . " He shoved the clothing and the rest of the disguise into a trash bin . " Take off anything that encumbers you . We 're going to be moving quickly now . " " That 's what worries me . The government is not mentioning the loss of the weapons , but you can bet that they think we have them . There were both large and small weapons . . . So the less we are carrying with us that might conceal something , the better . We don 't want to give them any reason to start firing . You will want to go with me ? " " We 're going to do this , " he said . He stood , hand still on the cane . " Stay still . I 'll be right back . " He didn 't give her a chance to ask what to do if he didn 't return . She dropped down into the corner , made herself as small as possible , and simply waited . He was gone forever . . . but not very long at all . He came back with a man hanging over his shoulder and he stumbled to a stop , went to his knees , and carefully settled the guard on the ground . He was clearly alive . " This one is for you . Jacket and pants should do . The shoes if they fit well enough , but I suspect they 'll be too big . " He stared back out at what they could see of the world through the narrow gap they had for a view . She was nearly changed by the time he leapt out . She hard the scuffle this time , which was not pleasant , fearing Theseus was going to fall to this man . However , he dragged this one back by the shoulders and deposited him by the other . " They 'll be out for about five hours , " he said and showed her a small needle that slipped back up by his wrist . " Nothing normally dangerous and they both seem to be doing okay . With luck , we 'll have someone here to pick them up in a couple hours . " " We 're going to march straight in the front door , " he said . He had both the IDs in hand and began fiddling with one . " I 'm nullifying the back check - - the ID should give off an alarm if it 's more than fifty feet from the owner . People won 't consider a problem if we have legit IDs to show . " He handed one over to her . It already had her picture . " We IWCS agents are tricky , " he said . He was playing with the other ID now . " I got the pictures off the pocketcomps . You don 't look quite like yourself , but I 'm going to look too much like me . It 's a chance we have to take . I can 't go in like an old woman . " " This won 't get us through inner security , but I have a way around that , too . Just stay close . And if they do stop us , go down to your knees and put your hands behind your head . Don 't try to explain , don 't ask questions , just make yourself as unobtrusive as possible . " They stepped out of their little protection and headed down the street . Within the block a few more of the guards were walking within a few feet of them . Alicia didn 't look at them and kept her pace steady with Theseus . He 'd put aside the cane and he didn 't limp . They turned one corner , walked down a street , and turned another . The port tower entrance stood ahead of them , about three blocks away . More and more guards were gathered here , though several groups were leaving as well . |
Home broken Of Love and Ink Ch . 02 April 13 , 2013 | Author sexstory As I sipped my third martini of the night two kids passed in front of my living room window hand in hand pushing a stroller holding a bright faced toddler chortling away . They had to be sixteen or seventeen and happier in love than at thirty - two years old I have ever experienced or even come close to . I had not realized I was crying until I felt Malichai 's hands on my shoulders from behind . " You ok Sweets ? " I had missed him for the week and a half he was in New York settling his affairs . But just then , I was fuming on the verge of boiling mad . His hands on me would normally be welcome , but tonight they felt like anvils weighing me down , anchoring me in limbo . " Umm yeah , the realtor gave me the check for our apartment . All of our stuff is on its way here as we speak . " He said optimistically . " What do you mean our stuff ? " I said turning to look at him confused . I had not been in New York for the better part of four years . As far as I knew I had nothing more there . " Justine your cameras , your dark room equipment … you had some books , and clothes . You took almost nothing when you left . I put it all in storage with my stuff when I moved in w - with Edward … " His voice had crept down to a whisper . We had never spoken about my leaving New York , and we certainly never talked about why I left or what happened after . " Ss - so , where is Edward t - h - hen ? " Malichai must have made my martini stronger than normal , I could already hear my words slurring into that place every soon to be alcoholic aspires to get to . I was almost ' right ' . " No - no Mali … its fine … I told you to put him in a room . Y - y - you know what , I know you are just itchin to get out the door Malichai ! Go , fly to him ! I have writing to do anyways , just don 't slam the door when you come back , hopefully I will be asleep . " I bit out with a flourish of my hand that caused my drink to slosh over the lip of my glass . I pushed past Malachi in an atepmt to male it to my room before the tears came . He called to me long after I slammed my bedroom door . He didn 't dare try to enter uninvited . He may have been an insatiable trifling ass man , but he had never been one to flout basic etiquette . A couple of hours and two more very strong martinis had passed since I left Malichai to his own devises . I had not written anything . All night long I had done nothing but drank deeply and dreamed . It was not until I flew from my bed to the bathroom across the hall to get sick that I realized Malichai had not gone out . He had sat right next to my bedroom door waiting for me while I drank the night away . As I set the Grey Goose free Malichai wet a towel and put it on the back of my neck while he smoothed my hair back . " You don 't look or sound fine Justine … " His voice was full of sympathy and concern . But all I really heard was pity , and I did not need pity . He secured my hair in a ponytail holder and held my elbow as I went over to the sink to rinse my mouth . When I looked at my blood shot eyes and tear stained face in the mirror I did not recognize myself , more than that , when I looked behind my reflection to my alabaster angel , Malichai resembled a shell of the man I had once loved so much . His azure eyes were tired and held no depth , and when the corners of his mouth tried to turn up into a small smile it was as if someone was pulling on strings , forcing the gesture . " Ha , yeah , how could I forget ? You bought us those huge whistles . Mine was green , and yours was orange I think , we blew and blew them after each verse of our song … " He had not called me Bubbles in so long ! It was a nick name he gave me in New York . We had been out partying and I was surrounded by a happy group of strangers , gay and straight , all vying for my attention . He said that they were drawn to my smile and bubbly manner . From that night on , I was known as Bubbles , a name I had not known since I returned to Texas . " I should not be standing here in a cold sweat , drunk . I look like a washed out wino for God sake ! I should be married now . It is 10 . 30 , I should be sneaking into the rooms of my 2 . 5 children with my happy loving husband to make sure they are ok before he and I settle in to some stupid movie that we won 't even watch because we are so into each other . Instead … here I am , standing in the middle of a washroom with my bisexual ex contemplating if I would fuck him right now if given half the chance just because you are here and I haven 't got any for the past year ! " I half yealled . With that sentence , my teeth clenched . I realized a certain anger that reached into my soul twisting and turning , burning and writhing . I realized that he was going to force me to crack before my acid words ever touched him . And since my words were not going to faze him , I figured a bottle of liquid soap would . I picked it up and chucked it at his head . He dodged my make shift weapon easily as he grabbed both my wrists and turned my body into his " Let me go you bastard ! I don 't need you to pity me and I don 't need you to love me ! Let me go ! Malichai please … I can 't … please just let me go " I was sobbing now , and the intensity of our confrontation caused my buzz to wane some . He loosened his grip on my wrists and wrapped his arms tight around me as if he were attempting to hold me together . " Shhhh Justine , it 's all right … I am so sorry , about everything . I did not want this for us , ever . " He was crying now too as he led us out of the washroom and back to my bedroom . He sat me down gently on the bed as I sniffed the last of my tears back . Malachi sat on the floor looking up at me as I concentrated on my nervous feet . The feeling between us was much like it had been so long ago in New York . Malichai was attentive , funny , warm , and most of all , though it probably was the vodka , he seemed right at that moment to be in to me . There was no one else in the world for him , and I was ok with that . I told him my dreams again , as if it were the first time we spoke … and for the first time ever , we both shared the nightmares we had been living for the past four years we were apart . In the end I found myself doing most of the talking and as I did my ramblings went back further than our past . Malachite sat and listened patiently as I loved every man I had loved up to him for a second time . And as I spoke , I remembered just what it was to really love Malachi , but I tried to keep it in perspective . He had broken my heart once ; he would never do it again . " Ian was my first … my fist kiss , my first dance , my first boyfriend , my first Love . God I loved that boy . " Thinking about Ian in my drunken state threatened to bring more tears , but with another harsh swallow of vodka my tears were held at bay . Malichai still sat on the floor while I lay across the bed revisiting my past . He was content to let me talk as we drank together . He listened with genuine interest as I remembered my Ian . Ian was shy in high school , we both had been . But somehow , we were both always surrounded by people … him the girls and me the guys . One day , he was going up the stairs as I was coming down , both of us surrounded by our respective ' followers ' and we locked eyes as we passed each other . Even then his eyes had a profundity no teenage boy 's eyes should have . The chocolate orbs told of devastating times , but held a glimmer of hope , and a small dream that life will be good eventually . Neither of us broke the stare until we lost sight of the other . From that day on , it was my goal to find the gorgeous Polynesian with the salt and pepper hair who would not vacate my thoughts for even a second . The day finally came months after we had first seen each other that we would meet again . I was walking through my neighborhood with a friend when Lucky , the neighborhood 's only thug at the time called to us from his game room window . He invited us in to play pool with him and his ' boys ' . As soon as I entered the room I saw Ian and time stopped . He and I did not play pool … instead we went to the backyard and talked long into the evening . From that day on we were inseparable . Ian was the only boy of five adopted children . His second mother , the one I knew , had been a missionary in Samoa when her best friend and Ian 's first adoptive mother died of breast cancer , leaving Ian and his sister alone . Marla Philips knew she could not leave the children in Samoa ; their lives would be hell with no parents . So , she brought them back to Dallas with her , adopted them and three other island girls forming the only family Ian could ever remember having . To this day I would call Ian my soul mate , but we never had a chance in hell to make a go of it . When he and I got together , Marla was dying of the same cancer that killed her friend so long ago . The day she died I was at the house with Ian . She was so frail . Her bones stabbed through paper thin cracked skin , and her once beautiful mane had been reduced to tufts of scraggly hair growing in random spots on her be speckled scalp . Ian held her hand as he looked on her with a stone face , but I knew , with every labored breath she took , inside he too was dying . It happened quickly . A storm had rolled in that morning . I remember screaming when a huge thunder clap rocked the house . When I calmed down , Marla was gone . Ian squeezed her hand one last time , stood , set his jaw , and asked me to leave . I was a seventeen year old girl then . I did not understand why he was so cold to me . Ian barely said two words to me at his mother 's funeral , and after , we did not speak for weeks . I would walk past his house and see him out tending the yard , but our once starring eyes would no longer meet . I think hated him after a while . Graduation came and went , and it was not until fall the next year that Ian and I would speak again . He showed up at my mother 's door one night . I said nothing to him … just stood aside permitting him entry into the house . I thought I would scream at him , say horrible things , but instead we just held each other … until the sun rose the next day . " S - s - o what happened Justine , after that night ? You have never said anything about him before ; I thought I was your first love actually … " Malichai was now drunk too . His words came slow and stumbling , and he actually sounded miffed that my heart had belonged to another man , before him . He stood , almost toppling over and came to sit beside me on the bed . As he sat he rested his hand casually on my behind . Soon he was stroking me softly , but thinking about Ian had me in a less than amorous mood . Uncomfortable with his attentions I made to inch away from him , but I inched much too hard and fell off the bed . I hit the wood floor hard , and decided instead of getting up , laying there would suffice for a while , besides the floor cooled my alcohol laden skin nicely . " You ok down there ? " Malichai 's head popped over the side of the bed . The chuckle in his voice made it obvious he had been amused by my mishap . " Yeah yeah … I know , and I am sorry , I will keep my hands to myself . Are you going to tell me what happened to Ian then ? " Sighing I rested my head on my arms as I lay there contemplating whether or not I wanted to go on . " Um , well , the night he came to my mother 's house I was packing for my fist trip to Europe . I was moving to Germany with relatives for a year that turned into two and a half years . Ian begged me not to go , said that we still had unfinished business . He said that he had not known how to deal with me and our relationship while he grieved for his mother . But , I was too young and too hurt to even begin to understand . " I took another drink , this time the alcohol could not stave off my tears . They began to flow before I even knew they were there . Speaking began to get more and more difficult through my sobs . " I - I told him … um , God ! I told him I would never trust him with my heart again , and to take care of himself w - while I was away . M - Malichai , I would give anything to turn the clocks back . I would do it right now , go back to that night , and tell Ian I love him endlessly . I never would leave him if I could just go back ! " Malichai had never seen me so upset . Little did he know that when I left New York behind his shenanigans I was almost committable . He came down to the floor with me and gathered me in his arms . I was so broken it was like he was picking up a sack of bones . I could not hold myself under my own weight . Reliving Ian and having Malichai back in my life was getting the better of me . I wanted to run away … to hide . I wanted right then to shut myself off , to feel nothing . Loving just hurt too badly . Just when you think the pain will kill you , when you know you are at the threshold of your own demise , the heart beats … it carries on louder and stronger than it ever beat before mandating that it will - not - stop . No matter how many pieces it is in , it will not cease to pump life into a broken soul . My heart pounded my chest steady and true , mocking me , telling me I had my chance at love , and blew it with my own infantile ego . It let me know , with each beat , that under no uncertain circumstances , it beat alone , and would beat alone indefinitely . Malichai was at a loss . All he could do is rock me in his arms as I again , like I had so many nights before , mourned the loss of my Ian . Malichai held me for the better part of an hour before I was able to compose myself enough to thank him for staying with me . I had not wanted him to . I had wanted to stay angry at him . I wanted to punish him for breaking my heart . I wanted to castigate Malichai for my loss of Ian . I wanted to burn him so badly because Ian was not there to console me , to touch me , to make love to me … I wanted to hate Malichai because he was not Ian . But I couldn 't punish him , not right then , I needed him too much . I needed his arms around me , and his kisses in my hair . I needed him right then to be my light and my hope , to tell me that this too shall pass . In the end Ian or no Ian , right then I needed Malichai to be my saving grace . Posted in broken | Tags : alcohol , bi sexual , broken , cheating , depressed , gay , vodka , writer | No Comments » The Broken and the Beautiful March 24 , 2013 | Author sexstory Eric walked slowly into the river , careful not to slip on the slippery rocks . He had been looking forward to bath all week after hunting all week . His shorts laid over some rocks , warming up for when he got out . He dived into the centre of the river , it easily being 2 meters deep . He bathed for roughly half an hour then he got out and laid on the grass , letting himself drip dry . He could feel a warm breeze , the grass under him , soft and now wet , he was perfectly comfortable and fell asleep . He dreamed of his fiancé , Sarah , her black hair wet , clinging to her body , her eyes drawing him in , her boobs perfect , they were the biggest from his village , she wore a green dress made of leaves . She started to giggle and Eric woke up , he could still hear Sarah 's giggles , he looked where they were coming from , and across the river was his 23 year old fiancé , who was born on the same day as him , and his 21 year old sister , Rose , who was facing to the side , his fiancé facing away from him . Rose 's blonde hair reached down to the middle of her and she had blue eyes almost identical to his eyes , his blonde hair was short . They both were completely naked , his cock now hard , at 21 cm . He could see his sisters medium sized breasts , not for the first time since females in their village usually wore skirts alone . He knelt behind a large rock that was in the shallow of the water , he peaked around it , not wanting to be caught spying on his sister and fiancé . They picked up some clothes from their house , Eric 's and Sarah 's house , but they let Rose stay because children had to move out of their parent 's home at the age of 20 . They washed them while they talked , but they were too far and the river made too much noise for him to hear them . He tried to walk forward but slipped on a rock , falling back wards , slamming his whole body onto rocks and he got knockeEric awoke in the same spot , but now it was dark and he had a giant headache . He stood up and found that the girls were gone . He walked over to his clothes , putting on his brown shorts and his vambrace , armour for the fore arm , which was usually used for armour but within the village it was used to identify status . His was leather showing that he was a hunter . He walked back to the village , his stomach growled . He knocked on his door ten minutes after he had left the river , Sarah answered the door . She had her hair was braided and over her shoulder , her skin shined lightly with a magical foundation that Eric had brought her . Her left nipple pierced with a dragon 's bone , which is the equivalent of a engagement ring to us , a dragon bone being the same as a big diamond ring , while other males may only use salamander or sea serpent bones , but Eric was one of the best hunters in the village and he knew how to hunt dragon , for if a male wanted to marry , he had hunt the animal , bring it back to the village and the village would feast on it while one of the bones would be kept for the fiancé 's nipple . " I fell asleep at the river , " he explained . He walked into the house grabbing her hand , he took her into the kitchen and sat her onto the table , kissing her again . He let go of her and grabbed some meat from a plate that was on the bench , he thanked Sarah for leaving it out for him , she just nodded and let him eat . He finished not long after and started kissing Sarah again , grabbing one of her right breast . She pushed him off , grabbing his hand , pulling him up their wooden stairs , past his sister 's door and into their room , closing the door behind them . He let her push him onto the bed , she crawled on to him , kissing his chest , getting higher to his mouth . He was hard soon , Sarah felt it and smiled . She got off and pulled down his pants and her skirt . " What 's wrong ? " she asked , panic in her voice . " I can 't move my body , " Eric answered . " What ? Don 't joke around " Sarah rushed back in , put her skirt on and kissed Eric , " Don 't worry , I will be back as soon as possible " and she ran out . He laid there , worried about what would happen if he could not be able to provide for Sarah . After five minutes of worrying , he started to get a headache , he rubbed his head with his hands , then realised he could move again . He sat up with a giant smile on his face , he put on his pants and ran out , finding the girls going through the front door . Sarah looked up the stairs , " I knew you were joking ! " she yelled at him . " I wasn 't joking , " he replied . He ran down the stairs and hugged her . " Well , I need to get back to Gina , Earl ( town baker ) is really sick . See you when I get home , " she told them . They both nodded their goodbyes and closed the door behind her . " Want to continue ? " Eric asked . Sarah looked at him with a frown but eventually agreed . They went back upstairs , taking their clothes off at the stairs , kissing the rest of the way to the room . He went back to the same position , laying on the bed . She kissed him , rubbing her breast against him . His boner came back , standing between Sarah 's legs . Once again , he realised he could not move , " Sarah , I can 't move again ! " he said with shock . " Oh what ever , " she responded as she put the dick 's head to her pussy . He forgot what he was saying as she lowered herself onto him . He loved the feel of her around his cock , as she bounced up and down , her boobs jiggling . She started to play with her nipples , closing her eyes , pleasure flowing through the both of them . She had an orgasm , tensing around his cock . She continued to bounce , the bed squeaking with each bounce . Eric tensed and cumed inside his fiancé . She smiled , laying down on him . She kissed him , his cock softened , he wrapped his arms around her . Then he realised , " I think it 's only when my cock gets hard that I become paralyzed " , he explained to Sarah . He nodded . They hugged for a couple of minutes then went to sleep . The next morning they woke up together and went got their breakfast . They ate breakfast in silence then Eric collect the dishes and went to put them on the bench . He heard Sarah gasp , he turned quick , " What ? " he asked . " Your back , it 's covered with bruises " " No ! I just wanted to hear you and I always love seeing my sister and fiancé . " " So there is no way you were looking at these , " she said , pulling off her skirt , throwing it onto the the table . Eric stood there , staring at it , then looked at Sarah , she jumped forward , kissing and hugging him . " Your so silly but I love you for it . Do you want to know what we were saying ? " she asked between kisses . " She was saying she has never seen a cock yet and then I asked her if she would want to see your 's . She said yes and I told her I would try and arrange it , even if I made it look like an accident " she explained . Eric kissed her then fell to the ground , " Told you that it happened when I got hard . " Sarah gasped , bending down to help him . After a view minutes of talking , he could move again . " You stay here , I will go get Gina , " she told him . She put on her skirt and ran off . Eric got up and walked over to a chair . He waited there , for five minutes before Sarah got back , telling him , " They will be here in about an hour , I did not tell them what was wrong , just that you needed to see her " They sat in the kitchen , talking and having tea . An hour later Gina knocked on the door . Eric opened the door for Gina and his sister . They walked into the reading room , with a wall with shelves from one side of the room to the other , books almost over flowing from the shelves . They sat and Sarah offered Gina and Rose tea , only Gina accepted . " Um , well … " Eric started then stopping . " You can tell me whatever you want Eric , it will just stay between us four , I promise . " she insured him . " Well can I show you something instead of telling you ? " he said , now really embarrassed . Gina nodded , Eric looked towards his sister first then to Sarah . He let himself get hard , then he fell to his side , unable to move . Gina got up , kneeling at Eric 's side , Rose behind her . " What just happened ? " she asked . Gina looked over him at his back , finding his bruises . " Wow , well I have never heard of this happening but sometimes when a male breaks his spine his cock will get hard unintentionally , but this , this is the complete opposite . I think I might be able to fix it , hopefully it is the same as healing a broken spine . But I have none of the magical plant that is used to heal spines at the moment but I have some on order , it should be here in a week or two . You are going to have to wait until then . " she explained . He was able to move again and he sat up . " Can people with broken spines feel with their bodies , because I can still feel with my body while paralysed . " " I am going have to study this , I want you at my house once a day until I heal you , " she told him . They helped him up the stairs to make sure he did not fall , which he thought crazy , what would he get hard over while walking to his bed . They left him in his room , the two of them went back downstairs to make lunch . He picked up the book he was reading from his bed side table . Half an hour later he heard footsteps coming up the stairs , he put down his book , his fiancé carried a tray with 3 plates of food on it , his sister carried a jug of juice and 3 cups . They sat on either side of him , with easily enough room , and Sarah gave a plate to each of them and they had a little picnic in the bed . When they finished the food and drinks , Sarah put the plates , cups , tray and jug to the side of the room , Rose didn 't move . Sarah walked to the end of the bed , Rose held her hand out and Sarah helped her up , they were both now standing at the end of the bed . " What are you two doing ? " Eric asked . " Well we figured , if you can 't move , we could do anything we want to you , " Sarah explained while crawling up the bed , she continued , " and I told her about what you were doing at the river and we thought it fair that she seen you dick as well , maybe even try your dick out a little . " Rose crawled between his legs and pulled off his pants , revealing to her the first dick she had seen . She bent down and started kissing it and sucking his balls . Sarah kissed Eric , pressing her breasts against his chest . " Remember , don 't let him cum until we are both done , or he will get soft and be able to move , " Sarah told Rose . Rose nodded and continued to suck his balls . Sarah sat on the top of Eric 's chest , " Lick me " she commanded Eric . Eric convinced himself that if he was going to be forced to do this , he might as well go with the flow , so he started to lick up her juices . He felt Rose stop , but a few seconds later he felt her slide herself onto him , putting his dick all the way in , with only a little resistance . Rose pulled Sarah back so that Sarah was leaning on her but her pussy was still at Eric 's mouth . Rose grabbed Sarah 's breasts and they started kissing , Eric could see their tongues wrestle . He continued to lick his fiancé , more and more juice collecting on him . Sarah got off him , Eric now no longer having to lick , he rested his head on the bed , enjoying the feel of his sister 's pussy . Sarah sat back down on Eric , now facing Rose , sitting much closer to her . Sarah played with one of Rose 's breast , using her other hand to masturbate herself . Rose used both hands to play with Sarah 's breasts , they both continued kissing , every so often Rose would slide up and down Eric 's cock . Rose laid down onto her brother , kissing him , he kissed back . She started to go faster , moving up and down his dick , she enjoyed the warmth and the pleasure from his dick . Eric loved the feel of her pussy , not as much as Sarah 's , but it was new and tight . She started to move faster , she sat up on his cock , leaning on his chest with one hand , her other hand playing with her nipples . She had an orgasm , not her first , but it was so much better than any that she had given herself . She continued to move up and down on his rod , slowly going faster . Juices covered Eric , he could taste the juices of Sarah . He was almost ready to cum , Rose stopped and slid off his dick and up to his mouth to go into the same position Sarah was in a view minutes earlier . Eric started licking , more juices added to his mouth , he felt Sarah sit on him , sliding onto his dick . She pulled Rose back , kissing her and playing with her breasts as she slid up and down Eric 's dick . She started moving fast , she tensed from an orgasm making Eric cum into her pussy . Sarah sat on his dick , letting it go soft inside her . Eric continued to lick Rose and started to play with her breasts . She continued to kiss Rose , now playing with her own breasts while Eric played with Rose 's . Eric realised that Rose was having an orgasm and then he got squirted on by Rose , juices now covering his face . Rose and Sarah got off him and laid next to him like they were before . Eric took turns kissing each of them . They stopped after a while and went down to start getting their dinner , all three of them naked . |
I am in a large building , something that looks like a cross between a mall and a hospital . I walk into a small room filled with people . I notice Seth Meyers and a couple of other comedians from SNL . Seth has what looks like a bullet hole in his back and I mention it to him while a woman tries to find the cause for the hole . Seth acts as if nothing is wrong . He is in no pain , so he ignores it . Three SNL members stand together and I walk over to them . They ask me what I do . I say , " I 'm a writer . " In unison , they all say , " She 's a writer , " not in a way to sound condescending , but more to sound funny . I ask them how I can send in a skit to SNL , and I am met with an , " Ooh , that 's really difficult . " And , " Ooh , I don 't know … " They then walk away . The washroom is located down a hallway and down some steps . Though it is clearly marked for women , after I open the door , I see a bunch of filthy men smoking cigarettes , sitting on all kinds of things , including chairs , crates , and counter tops , but I don 't see any toilets . The room is a mess filled with debris . The men let me know they are there for more sinister reasons as they wait for women to come in . They ask me where I 'm from . When I tell them I 'm from Chicago , they decide to allow me to be in there alone . But I don 't know how to use the facility because I see no toilets . A little Oriental woman walks in and finds a kind of plastic chamber pot sitting on the floor . She uses that while I look for another one . Everything is out in the open . When I finally find one and use it , she notices something I 've written on a piece of paper that sits on the floor . She reads it and tells me I 'm really good and asks me if I would write a blog for her website . I feel honored and say yes . As I walk out of the washroom , I am acutely aware that the men who allowed me into the washroom are probably still close by . I sneak out and as I round the corner in the hallway , they see me and come toward me . To diffuse what might be an uncomfortable situation , I thank them for leaving the washroom and I quickly return to the room where the SNL members are gathered to tell them that I 'd found a writing job . Suddenly though , I 'm driving or walking down a street in a very cute neighborhood , thinking about possibly moving there . I am with my former daughter - in - law 's mother , who agrees that it might be a good place to live . Shortly after the homes , I see lines and lines of apartment buildings , all of which appear to be very tiny . I recognize that I wouldn 't be able to live in them , because animal dander and smoke might circulate through the vents and I would become sick . There the dream ends . When the original Saturday Night Live aired , I watched every show and I decided I wanted to write for them , especially during a lengthy hospital stay back in 1977 . I wrote several skits for them and even moved to New York , but I found myself in a whirlwind of obstacles I could not overcome . I recount that merry - go - round trip in the blog , Expectations of a Writing Career . Seth Meyers appeared at the University of Illinois ( my neighborhood ) not long ago , and I 'm sure the memory of SNL combined with his appearance in my town set the stage for this dream . My dream of Seth Meyers having a bullet hole occurred before the Connecticut murders , so the dream isn 't connected at all to the murders . I don 't know what the bullet hole represents , but Seth Meyers is obviously alive and well . As far as the disgusting men in the women 's bathroom is concerned , I don 't know what part of my psyche put them there . To be honest , I have been thinking that my career is " in the toilet , " so that part of the dream came as no surprise . But , even in the toilet , I found hope ( through the woman who wanted me to write for her web site ) . So all hope is not lost ( if you are an Oriental woman looking for a writer for your web site , I 'm your girl ) . We decided to go into a building located on the premises to wait for my mother , my youngest sister , and my daughter 's only son . The chairs in the building looked like dental chairs so we sat on them while we waited . Not a minute after I sat down though , I needed to move . Waiting by the window , I finally saw my mom , sister , and grandson walking down the path . My daughter and I walked toward them . The next thing I remember I 'm in a consignment shop and Ringo Starr is pointing out various items . He and a friend of his own the store . Huge double - tiered racks of clothes in an M - shape greeted us on the right as we walked in , leaving only a small path to our left . The racks blocked the rest of the store from my view . My daughter walked to the rack furthest from us . I searched through the one closest to the door . I pulled some children 's coats from the rack and asked my daughter if her kids needed any . They didn 't . Large pink plastic containers that looked like toys sat to the side of the tables and I picked one up . It had been filled with jewelry but was now nearly empty . I wanted to buy the container . Now I 'm in a room with various people , none of whom I recognize , but my youngest granddaughter is standing in a crib that is situated next to a table that holds a laptop . Before I can prevent her from pouring a cup that holds an oily substance on the laptop , she does . A man appears to tell me it 's OK . He 'll clean it up , but the liquid turns into wax , and he becomes frantic . I leave the room to look for something to clean it after Jim Carrey and another actor walk in . As I walk through another room , I find my daughter sitting on a couch with Jim Carrey talking to her as he stands above her . I tell her , " I told you he would flirt with you . " Then I walk into the kitchen where Jim Carrey is standing next to a refrigerator talking with somebody who is standing on the other side of a counter . I ask Jim if I can have some water . He gives me a dirty look ( I felt as if I was annoying him , perhaps because of my earlier comment to my daughter ) as he reaches into a large container , grabs me a bottle , and hands it to me . I don 't know why I have so many dreams about Jim Carrey . The one thing that sticks out is his making out a one million dollar check to himself before he ever became famous . For so many reasons , I 've always believed in the power of positive thinking , and Jim Carrey 's million dollar check certainly proves his belief in himself . He was disappointed with me in a previous dream , though , so I think he represents somebody ( I 'll have to figure out who that is ) who I believe is always disappointed by me - who knows ? Maybe that somebody is me . Pink is a color associated with breast cancer . I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009 . I 'm not sure how that fits in here though . Come to think of it , I have a pink plastic bust I use to model scarves I 've crocheted , so maybe having a container was related to my craft collection . Ringo Starr , who will remain forever a Beatle in my mind , is one quarter of a group that defined my entire teenage years . He , along with John Lennon , Paul McCartney , and George Harrison held a special significance for me during those years ( and beyond ) . I loved them all and KNEW , the first time they appeared in Life Magazine , that they would captivate the world . My youngest daughter owns a consignment shop . From the day she told me she was going to open one , I KNEW it would be successful . Less than three years old , the shop is already more successful than even she could have imagined . So perhaps the theme and the message here is to expect something or someone to succeed , to KNOW he or she will succeed , to watch success in action , to accept things as they are rather than be disappointed by how they are not , and to never leave a laptop anywhere near a baby holding a cup of liquid . Want to read more from this author ? Please see the sidebar and THANK YOU for visiting ! At a counter in an airport , I was sitting next to Dr . Phil . We were writing out birthday cards . I don 't know who my recipient was , but Dr . Phil was writing his for a daughter from a previous marriage . Prior to the airport , I was sitting in a cafe by myself and I noticed a writer who had written a book I wanted to read . She was sitting with a couple of guys I 'd never met . I must have left the cafe , but soon I was back with the book and when the people who had been sitting with the writer noticed my book , they invited me to join them at their table . I told them I had purchased it for research , but in reality I just wanted to join them and I was hoping they would notice the book and start talking to me . The girl who wrote it joined us and we clicked right away . One of the guys who was sitting with us was paying a lot of attention to me and I was very attracted to him . Soon he and I were together while I joined my middle daughter in a gigantic elevator that would take us to our plane . But on our way to the elevator I ran into my former mother - in - law who looked suspiciously at the young man who respectfully backed away when he discovered who she was . I said my good - byes to her and climbed into the elevator . People were shivering so I grabbed a straw that was so big it went from my mouth to the ground , and so wide I could have slipped a water glass through it . Somehow , though , it fit in my mouth effortlessly and I placed one end of it at the bottom of one of the ice - filled barrels and blew . Suddenly steam arose from the barrels slowly melting the ice and warming the elevator . After walking through the airport , I am sitting at the counter next to Dr . Phil . When I look behind me I notice Oprah sitting in a wheelchair . She is shaking . I wonder if she has fallen or if she has become ill . I decide to let her know that she helped me through a lot of years while I was raising my children . She looks at me with a pleading , " Please don 't approach me look , " but I decide to be quick and not bother her other than to thank her . Now it was time to board the plane . The Marines who were with us , had to leave us to board a different plane . When they left I realized that my daughter and I didn 't have boarding passes . My daughter went to get hers and I thought she was getting mine too until I saw her sitting on the plane . So I took the shortest route , which was through some locked gates and across a bridge , but after attempting to cross the bridge and realizing the gates rose only so high because the massive locks prevented them from opening wider , I had to find another way to get my boarding pass . So what 's so impossible about this dream ? First of all , Dr . Phil doesn 't have a daughter from a previous marriage . Secondly , I would never date a man as young as the man in this dream , although in my defense , I didn 't know how old he was : ) Thirdly , I don 't think I would buy another person 's book solely to sit at a table with the author . Blowing air into the bottom of an ice - filled barrel would not create warmth and yes , I get the phallic symbol reference and the " bottom of the barrel " reference , but since nothing else in the dream was sexual I doubt this one had anything to do with sex , although the quality ( bottom of the barrel ) of the elevator was very poor . The dream probably had more to do with helping people - letting the author know I enjoyed her book - letting Oprah know she helped me - feeling empathy for my former mother - in - law . I have reached a point in my life where I feel the need to " give back . " The only way I can do that , however , is by crocheting hats for cancer patients . I don 't send greeting cards , however ( find out why HERE ) , and Oprah is not in a wheelchair . And finally , my daughter would never leave me at an airport without a boarding pass . Prior to having this dream I had lost my driver 's license . I was hoping I wouldn 't forget to get a replacement because I would be visiting my son in Virginia and I would need a valid driver 's license to get on base . The drive will be somewhat stressful with 6 kids in tow for 14 hours , but the reason for the trip is so that my son 's sister , I , and 6 of my grandkids ( three of whom are my son 's ) , will be present for the pinning ceremony when my son becomes a Staff Sergeant as a United States Marine . When Nolan first told me his dream he said that he had been in a swamp with an alligator and that he was recusing his baby sister , Avery , from the alligator . He threw Avery up a hill to his mother and pried open the alligator 's mouth with his bare hands . I was astounded by his aggression , his bravery , and his take - action ability in this dream . I asked Nolan if he would remember the dream the next day . And this was him retelling his dream the following day : Maybe this dream was alerting Nolan to his inner warrior ! It could also be that his paternal grandfather likened changing Avery 's diaper to wrestling an alligator . In this dream Nolan might have been trying to pry Avery 's mouth open to collect any of the myriad objects she keeps throwing into it . Have YOU had any weird dreams ? Please share them at weirddreams @ mail . com . Want to read more from this author ? Look at the sidebar and thanks for visiting ! Chris had never been to this arena before but he apparently knew about the challenge before him , because I didn 't tell him that by shooting through the trunk , he would make it through this first challenge . He immediately aimed through the trunk , shot through it , and passed the first challenge . Now it was my turn . The audience included some famous actors I 'd never seen before in person and I remember thinking , wow , this game is gaining some attention . Doris Roberts was one of the people who sat down in the bleachers . I sat in a corner on a stack of chairs awaiting my turn , knowing that after this challenge , one far more sinister awaited me . But the dream ended with me thinking that maybe with this much attention , I could get some of these people to read my blog . I 'm not sure why I 've had this dream before . It was very scary the first time I had it because I didn 't know what was expected of me . I wasn 't frightened this time , because I knew the drill . As far as lots of famous actors appearing in this arena are concerned , I think that because this friend I want to interview has been involved with many famous people in his past , and because I was with his son , the actors were there to support him and his son . I don 't know if he ever met Doris Roberts . I know you have them . We all have them . Sometimes we can 't remember them or we remember only snippets . That 's OK . Even snippets will work for this blog . For instance , last night I dreamed about a VERY tall man . The man was so tall , in fact , that he could look into the window of what appeared to be a twelve - story apartment building with ease . When I tried to get others to look in his direction , I couldn 't get anyone 's attention fast enough , so I assumed that nobody believed me . Why did I have this dream ? Perhaps I was talking about men or I was thinking about my ideal man , and maybe the man I 've created in my mind to be my perfect soulmate is ultimately impossible . I think I 'll bring my expectations down a few notches . He doesn 't have to be twelve - stories high . I was in a bed that wasn 't mine , though it felt as if it could have been mine . Everything prior to this part of the dream has disappeared from my mind . What I do remember , though , starts with my expectations that someone was going to join me in bed . I felt him climb in bed behind me , so I rolled over to face him . He wasn 't who I thought he was going to be , so I rolled over again . His hands started to crawl all over me , so I grabbed what I think was a hatchet , turned around , and chopped off his arm , but the arm kept clawing and scratching me . So I grabbed the arm claw that I had just chopped off and jumped out of bed holding it . I quickly ran to the railing on the balcony that was right outside the door and threw it over the ledge where it was immediately run over by a truck . However , it still worked . I don 't remember feeling frightened - just frustrated that it wouldn 't stop moving . When I awoke I felt I as if I was in the middle of a Mrs . Doubtfire / A Nightmare on Elm Street movie ( Mrs . Doubtfire 's face got run over by a truck , and Freddy Krueger 's sword - bladed hand ran across a floor ) . In looking back at the night prior to the dream , I remembered talking with different people about both movies : Mrs . Doubtfire and A Nightmare on Elm Street , so I know why I combined these two movies in a dream . Strange thing was , a couple of days after I had this dream somebody else again mentioned Mrs . Doubtfire . This dream reminds me of another dream I had years ago when I was also lying in bed . I was awakened by a bright light and I was so excited , because I thought the light was God . But then the presence climbed into bed behind me and I knew it wasn 't God but something very sinister . Another possible reason for having this new dream is that my mind is already working on combining different TV shows and movies to use in a sitcom I created . The sitcom is entitled , In Character . If you click the link you can read the logline and synopsis for the show . Look to the left for Spinoff Contest Winners . I was with my youngest daughter , Brittney . We were at a hotel ( I think ) and discovered the place was hosting an Indian Convention ( Native American if I 'm going to be politically correct ) . We didn 't have a ticket though , so Brittney decided to see if we could get in . We are Cherokee after all . On her way out , she must have forgotten something , because she turned around to go back in and bumped into Johnny Depp , who was just walking out of the convention . Flustered and flirtatiously she giggled , and returned to me . We couldn 't get in . Then , all of a sudden , she is standing on the other side of a window and I can see her dancing with Johnny Depp , and I 'm thinking , hmm , here I am single , and there she is married , and she 's dancing with Johnny Depp . Their dance reminded me of the movie Benny & Joon . If you remember the scene where Johnny Depp 's character is dancing with his fingers , you 'll know what I mean . So they were dancing , and every time she would spin around , they would touch fingers . One time she missed his finger and a guy who knew she was married interrupted their dance and it was over . To set the record straight , in real life , my daughter would not cheat on her husband , even with Johnny Depp . But here 's my question - wouldn 't you think that I - who was hosting my own dream - would make myself the recipient of a dance with Johnny Depp ? He 's much closer in age to me than he is to my daughter ; ) In my dream early this morning , I saw a woman who looked exactly like me . She worked in an office that had a beautiful view of a forest with walking trails that looked much like Perry Farm in Bradley , Illinois . She was vibrant and happy , confident and busy . I couldn 't believe how close our resemblance was , so much so , in fact , that I believed if I took a picture of her and sent it to my kids , they wouldn 't be able to tell the difference . I asked her if she would mind if I took her picture . She didn 't mind , but my camera phone was set to movie and I was having all kinds of trouble getting it to perform properly . She was too busy to stick around and left for a walk with a friend or a coworker . I could see through the window that she was walking at a brisk pace and that I 'd better hurry if I wanted to catch up with her . Now I 'm in what appears to be my home , but it looks nothing like my home . It has a giant picture window that faces a beautifully landscaped front yard filled with tree - lined paths . I don 't want to stop looking at it , because it 's so beautiful . Some of my grandchildren are around and they are playing . One of them , Nolan maybe , tries to close the drapes , or close the windows , but I want the view to remain as it is . Now I am sitting in what appears to be some kind of theater next to my dear friend , Nancy , who is sitting to my left . I am trying to show her the picture of the woman who looks exactly like me ( somehow I must have gotten it ) , but my camera falls out of my hand and slides - on its side - all the way down the aisle toward the wall to my left . I climb over Nancy , chase the phone that curves toward the stage , fall to my knees , and crawl on the floor as I chase it all the way up to the stage on the far left hand side . When I return to my seat , Nancy and the guy in front of us are discussing the amazing games that are now available on phones . Perhaps I had this dream because I 've been sick lately . The woman I know I can be is vibrant and healthy , healthy enough to walk the trails at Perry Farm . I want to believe that this dream was showing me not only that my health will be good enough to walk for long periods of time , but also that I will return to that vibrant person I know I can be . When I can 't see my friends as much as I would like to see them , they appear in my dreams . I haven 't seen Nancy in a long time . I miss her , and being with her in a dream will have to suffice until I see her again . Homes generally represent the self . Mine was surrounded by beauty and healthy trees . Right now I 'm going through numerous health issues , so I 'm going to take this dream to mean that just outside my window ( very close ) , even if I have to go through cancer again , I WILL become healthy . Health issues necessitate me writing another one of my clone blogs . Those issues are numerous . Final diagnoses : Pneumonitis ; multiple right lung nodules , likely benign , but with no comparison cannot exclude neoplasm ; left kidney upper pole low - attenuation exophytic lesion , likely a hyperdense cyst . Must follow up with CT scan in 3 months to compare . So here I am , at home . Completely exhausted . Everything I do tires me . But I still suffer from insomnia ( some things never change ) , so the night before last while I was awake for several hours , I had a bowl of cereal and watched a movie . The following morning I awoke at 8 a . m . ( very late for me ) , made myself a breakfast smoothie , then became so overwhelmingly tired , I had to rest on the couch where I fell into a coma for several minutes . I have to admit , I 'm a little overwhelmed by what has been happening lately . I think I handled the breast cancer problem quite well . I 've always said that nothing scares me more than not breathing . But while still dealing with the lung problem and continuing to take all my asthma and cancer meds , I 've had to assimilate what occurred at my oncologist 's office the day before yesterday . During a routine mammogram , something " suspicious " showed up on the breast where I didn 't have breast cancer . Whoa ! Really ? I decided right there that if I have breast cancer again , I 'm NOT going through chemo and radiation again . The surgeon who cut out my tumor left a gigantic scar that deformed my right breast . If I have to go through that again , I 'm having a double mastectomy . And the CAT scan I had on my lungs while I was hospitalized showed some sort of growth on my kidneys . My kidneys ? Are you serious ? And then I remembered this lump that had been on my lower back for the past couple of years . I had asked a doctor what she thought about it , and she thought nothing of it , so I let it go . But now I know that the lump is probably the growth that showed up on the CAT scan . So all of these new conditions were found quite by accident but they require me to get another mammogram next week and a CAT scan on my kidneys next week too . In addition to those visits , I 'm supposed to return to my new GP ( who started this whole thing rolling by admitting me - thank you , Dr . Gowda - I 'm not being sarcastic - if not for his quick appraisal of my breathing problems , I don 't know how quickly my condition would have deteriorated ) . As a result of all of those tests and doctor visits , I think I 'll hold off on seeing the pulmonary doctor again until after I return from Virginia the beginning of July . If you know me , you will know this is killing me . I can 't write for long periods of time , I can 't crochet for long periods of time , and I can 't do anything that requires physical effort without becoming completely exhausted . I suffer from dizziness and lightheadedness , which , I 've discovered may be a result of my persistent low potassium count . The infection still rages in my lungs and if I could just get rid of that one thing , I know I would feel so much better . I am at my daughter 's and her boyfriend 's apartment , but it doesn 't look like their apartment . Somebody unexpected comes for a visit and then somehow lots of kids show up . The kids run out into the hallway to play . In waking life , my daughter doesn 't have a hallway outside her apartment . The hallway in the dream is quite large . The apartment suddenly turns into a classroom . Students enter and take their seats . I watch them from the back of the classroom . After a while all of the students get angry with me because I 'm supposed to be teaching them . I try to explain to them that I 'm not supposed to be teaching them , because I wasn 't hired to teach them - I haven 't taught in years - but they don 't believe me . I leave the building and enter an enclosed walkway between the inside of the building and the parking lot . As I 'm still in the walkway , I see a dog try to push the door open from the inside . He is becoming more and more successful . About 30 other dogs follow him , enter the walkway , and start chasing me . I run and I panic because not only am I allergic to dogs , but with so many following me , I 'm afraid they might attack me . Somehow I make it safely outside but then realize on my way back to the building , possibly from my car , but I don 't remember walking to the car or being in a car , that the weather has changed significantly . I am slipping and sliding everywhere . A small sheet of ice covers the ground and a light misty snow is blowing everywhere . My mother is upstairs and I have to tell her to be careful when she comes outside . When I get upstairs I walk to a room to get my coffee . A woman tells me that the kids were extremely noisy and disruptive , especially one of my grandchildren , and that everyone is quite upset with me . I return to the classroom that was once my daughter 's apartment and sit with my mother . It occurs to me that even though I 'm not supposed to be teaching , I could still teach the class , but now it 's too late . I am now carrying a baby ( I don 't know how I got the baby ) that I have to return to his or her family . I expect the mother or father to rush up to greet the baby , but nobody does . I feel sad that nobody is greeting this baby as I place the baby in a cradle . The dream ends . A dream like the one above is so difficult to interpret , because it has so many elements . That the daughter 's apartment morphed into an educational facility could mean that I ( the dreamer ) learn a lot through my daughter . We often think that parents are supposed to teach our children , when the truth is , they teach us . Dreams where classrooms appear generally indicate that the dreamer is supposed to be learning something . We often come across challenges that we see as obstacles that make us angry , but we know on a spiritual level that we are supposed to learn from them . Yesterday I spent the better part of the morning trying to get a printer to work . It never did . I now have three printers , none of which work . In my anger , I ask , what am I supposed to learn from this ? In my sarcasm , I answer , that I am never for the rest of my life allowed to print ! I have to become more resourceful . Since I can no longer print , I will handle everything through email . If I need a scan or a print of something , I will take a photo of it . So though I threw a fit over the fact that ONE MORE THING broke on me , I can pat myself on the back for coming up with a way to fix the problem , if not the printer . Significant weather changes could mean that something significant in my life is changing . My daughter is getting married . That could be one change . Three of my screenplays are entered into contests , the results of which won 't be determined until October . Winning even one of them would significantly change my own personal atmosphere . So many opportunities abound . So many possibilities exist . Though change may seem unsettling at first , we ultimately have to accept it and move on . The baby , too , could represent any number of things . Maybe my daughter and her boyfriend will eventually have a baby . Since the dream started at her apartment , it could mean her baby , but I can 't imagine her not greeting the baby with hugs and a desire to hold the baby upon his or her return . So maybe the baby represents something else . Maybe one of my screenplays is my baby . Nobody ever greets my screenplays with the enthusiasm I would like to see . Let me rephrase that last statement . Nobody who can get movies made from one of my screenplays seems to notice its worth - YET - I love that word - it holds within those three little letters , lots of hope . The dream started off with monday night raw . John laurinaitus made an elimination chamber title match between CM PUNK , RANDY ORTON , REY MYSTERIO , BRODUS CLAY and two other Wrestlers who i cant remember . Brodus clay won and was the new champion but he cheated as we Were not told before the match that it was a title bout . I went inside my house and complained to john laurinaitus . I told him that up to now i thought he was the best gm ever because he made so many mistakes that he was funny . He laughed and then i told him that it was a shambles what just happened . He said its what the people want . ITS NOT . I went upstairs to find CM PUNK . i tried to lure him out with a speech but it was not successful . I went in my mum and dads room and sitting on the floor was none other than … 2pac and snoop doggy dogg . They We 're both talking and they spoke to me and we had a long chat . I then said to them you both look real . They explained that all famous people can do this and that they Were just holograms . Snoop put his hand out . I tried to touch it with a weird sense of electric shock without the pain overriding me . They Were indeed holograms . I then said can they shape shift , turn into someone else . Snoop tried and was turning into all sorts of people . 2pac then tried and he turned into justin bieber . I then assumed for the rest of the dream that that was his true form . I said to s # # t face , see what you look like when youre old because someone generated a face of what hed look like when he is old earlier that week . Selena gomez did not like it at all . He did it and his face stayed exactly the same but he had grey hair . ARSEHOLE . He then changed back and his hair stayed the same . : ) . But it soon changed back to its golden colour . We then talked for a while with snoop doggy dogg and then all of a sudden Snoop Dogg jumped up and he said he owes his success to the devil . I said what illuminati ? Beiber answered yes for him . I was like OK . THEN THE WORLD AROUND MY FEET ALL STARTED TO CRUMBLE AND FALL WITH THE MASS FIRES FROM HELL SPIRING UP AT ME . Snoop said to be more successful he needs one more soul from someone . He then started a ritual and he shattered me to burnt pieces and claimed my soul for the devil . Justin bieber and some fellow onlookers tried to stop him as they thought i was a cool guy . But snoop didn 't listen as he was now more successful than ever . I then woke up . Thank you , Daniel G Cornes , for submitting your dream . This dream truly is imaginative and rich with all levels of good and evil mixed in . The fact that so many celebrities appeared and that you remembered the dream in such amazing detail means you either made the whole thing up or that you have a very creative imagination working for you . My personal opinion is that you are just really imaginative . The forces of good and evil " fighting " through this dream may mean that you are battling those same forces in your waking life . To truly understand the meaning of this dream , though , you have to ask yourself what each of these celebrities means to you . Does one represent evil while another represents good to you ? You have connected music with wrestling , so both must be significant to you in some way . Find the link and you might find the meaning of the dream . Another thing you might want to pay attention to is that somebody in your waking life may in some way resemble Snoop Dogg . If not in looks , maybe in action . Is somebody trying to take over your soul ? Is somebody trying to convince you that you have to sell your soul to the devil to become successful . Perceptions play an important role in determining the meanings of dreams . Also , it appears that you have some supporters who believe in you . Every morning my great granddaughter , 4 - year - old Ayla , comes into my bedroom to give me my morning hug . Every morning I ask her about her dreams . Most of the time she can 't remember them , but when she does she always starts by telling me her dreams as if they are stories . The butterfly may have come about because at one point yesterday , my daughter showed Ayla a beautiful butterfly that was just outside our patio door . Like every other day , Ayla also drew on my iPad , and I told her that her drawing was very colorful . Ayla had incorporated several elements from the day before in this dream , all of which involved her grandma . I wanted to know if she thought the dream represented the love her grandmother had for her , because hearts represent love . She shrugged her shoulders before she closed the door behind her and said , " Maybe . " Posted by Where we were , I don 't know , but Jim Carrey was there and in one of those eyes - meet - from - across - the - room moments , we were both attracted to each other . Whatever this function was , something distracted me ( story of my life ) and I lost him . Just when I thought I would never meet him , somebody came along to tell me that Jim wanted me to meet him in the church . After more interruptions , none of which I can remember , I walked into the church where we found each other . We talked and flirted for what seemed like hours , and I found him very personable , friendly , funny , compassionate , and likable . While we were still talking , my mother walked in to the church , obviously in pain , and because she had taken some drugs to ease the pain , she was also very obviously drugged - and depressed - and crying . Jim saw her , empathized with her , walked up to her , and kissed her on the mouth . Immediately her eyes lit up , her mood lightened , and she smiled . It was like Jim had this magical power to lift depression and bring happiness into my mother 's life . Jim then walked my mom to her car or home ( I don 't remember which ) . But after he had been gone a while , I realized that Jim didn 't know my name , and I hoped he would ask my mother what it was . I felt such an urgent need to find him , though , that I ran to my laptop to reach out to another friend of mine , whose first name is also Jim ( and who knows some celebrities ) , to see if he would know how to reach Jim Carrey . The dream ended there . This dream is my second Jim Carrey dream - the first one was called Jim Carrey 's Massage . If you click the link , you can read it . I also interpreted one of Jim Carrey 's dreams , a dream Jim Carrey himself posted on twitter . Click Jim Carrey 's Dream if you would like to read that one . Now that I 've had two dreams about Jim Carrey , I have to wonder what he represents for me , and the first thing that comes to mind is something I read years ago about life before Jim Carrey became JIM CARREY . He had so much confidence in himself and created for himself a vision of being a million dollar actor by actually writing himself a check for a million dollars and either posting it on his wall or carrying it around with him in his wallet . Of course at that time , he would never have been able to cash that check , but he certainly could now . That vision always impressed me and perhaps that is why Jim Carrey has appeared in two of my dreams , though I have to admit that my waking - life dream is not to make a million dollars , but to have one of my screenplays become a movie . The fact that I entered three of my screenplays ( one of which is actually a teleplay ) only recently probably brings my vision more into focus . And perhaps that is why Jim Carry 's vision has become my inspiration . Two of my grandsons and I are walking through a city somewhere . I don 't recognize the city now as I relate the dream . We come across a high - rise where we see two teenagers climbing to the roof from the outside of the building . When they engage in inappropriate activities of which residents in the high - rise next door disapprove , the disapproving residents ( children , by the way ) race out of their apartments to climb the building too . My grandsons want to climb to the roof as well . When we get there , all of the other kids are gone . Just as quickly as we arrive , though , the boys want to leave . However , the only way down is the same way we came up - on the outside of the building on steel ramps . My 7 - year - old grandson climbs down without a problem , but when we get to a point where we still have about 80 stories left , my 4 - year - old grandson decides to jump off . Before panic sets in , as I see him fly off the building , I instinctively grab him by his wrist and pull him to safety , my heart thumping vigorously . He is frightened . I am more frightened , and surprised by my ability to grab him so perfectly , but we make it safely down to the ground . I am shaking the entire way . Their mother and father are working together at a shop that is connected to their home , but they are working behind a counter in a room that seems to double as a kitchen and a bathroom . I can 't tell what kind of business it is . When I relate to them what has happened , my son asks me why I allowed his son to fly off the building . I explain that I didn 't " allow " him to do anything . He just did it . Over the years I 've had numerous dreams in which everything in the dream makes no sense . If even one aspect of the dream seems likely to occur , I look at the rest of the dream for validation that what I thought might occur , probably won 't . Unless we suffer some sort of cataclysmic event while I am alone with these two grandsons in a high - rise somewhere and the only way out of the building is by walking down steel ramps on the outside of it , I don 't expect this dream to come true . Over the course of my lifetime , I have learned upon awakening that if one event in the dream appears to make no sense , every other thing in the dream will also make no sense . However , in the unlikely event that the world comes to an end on a day when I happen to be in a high - rise with my son 's sons , I will be tightly grasping my grandson 's hand . Winner of the FIRST EVER ( possibly only ) Writer 's Digest Script Notes Spinoff Contest . Writer , graphic designer , and former daycare provider . Spiritual , creative , compassionate , and inventive . Theresa has lots of children and grandchildren who are all the loves of her life . Currently has three screenplays ( one is actually a teleplay ) entered into contests . Winners will be announced in October . Send positive thoughts PLEASE . |
I had a workshop to attend this morning , and planned to drag Daughter along . I promised that if she was up and dressed by 7 : 45 , I 'd take her out to breakfast . She was , and I did . We were able to walk to the workshop , which was in the church at the end of our street . I actually live closer to it than the pastor does , though he is still within walking distance , and he does walk most days . The saint who takes Daughter walking picked her up from the church , and then brought her home after their walk . It has been a somewhat lazy day here at home . I 'm struggling with the sermon for tomorrow . The Capital area clergy are doing a pulpit exchange tomorrow , so I 'll be traveling across town to lead worship . A couple in the church I serve was the first couple married in the church where I 'm preaching tomorrow . I 've convinced them to go to worship there . I 'll introduce them . They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary a couple of months ago . Daughter has heard from Birth Brother again . He 's figured out where we can meet him . Daughter is freaking out . She is torn between her desire to see him and her terror at the thought of seeing him . It will be interesting to see how this develops . The good news is she is talking to me about her concerns about seeing him . That is major progress . Daughter 's line recently has been , " I 'm 24 years old and I should make my own decisions . You can 't control me . " Yesterday evening I made a list of all the tasks that have to be done here through the week . I put M by the ones that I have to do , and left the rest blank . I handed it to Daughter and told her she needed to mark the things she would do to contribute her fair share to the household . We took turns choosing things . She has now chosen pretty much the same things I was asking of her . Now , though , it is her choice . Now she can 't complain that she has to do everything around here . Will it work ? Hopefully for a few days . First the positive . I spent a couple of hours outside working in the yard . It 's cool , but the sun is shining and it is wonderful to spend time outside working in the yard . I was multi - tasking , as I was contemplating Sunday 's sermon as I worked . When I came in for a break , I realized I hadn 't seen the snack mix I bought at the warehouse club Wednesday . I checked the car , just to make sure , and then went to Daughter 's room . Now I understand why her blood sugars have been running high . I didn 't get all the food locked up before I went out to mow the lawn . This was the result . Sigh . I got up a little early this morning so I could watch the wedding . As I watched it , my focus was a little different , perhaps , than most . I was looking at the elements of the service and liturgy . It 's an occupational hazard , it 's hard to just it and worship without critiquing it . So I sat here comparing the wedding to what I do in weddings . Mine are quite different , not just in size and scope , but in the elements of the service . Brides are not property to be given away , so while fathers walk brides up the aisle , they are not asked to give them away . I do , however , ask the family to pledge their support . In the services I do , Scripture and reflections come before the vows . Scripture is the foundation and sets the stage for what follows . The promises and vows are a response to what God has done . Daughter slept through it all , of course . I told her about it last night , but she has been to far too many wedding in which she had no interest - - as a preacher 's kid weddings have lost their magic for her . But I 'm not a total cynic - - I thought Kate 's dress was beautiful , and I hope and pray that they will be able to overcome the pressures and expectations on them to build a happy life together . Tuesday night Daughter begged me to let her finish watching a show on her computer at bedtime . I refused , since she had not gotten up in the morning . She threatened to get up and finish it in the middle of the night . I hid the computer in my ( locked ) bedroom . Yesterday evening I went to the warehouse club and bought a new lawn mower . I wasn 't going to buy a self - propelled one , but it was all they had , so I did . Looking at the weather forecast , I decided I 'd best mow when we got home . I asked Daughter to help by trimming . She insisted she 'd rather work in the house . I told her she needed to put away the clean laundry , clean the half bath , and take care of trash and recycling . As I was finishing the mowing , she came out and announced she 'd done all her chores and wanted her computer back . She wanted the keys to go get it . I informed her I 'd get it out when I was done with the lawn . I told her she 'd get it faster if she did either the sweeping or trimming while I did the other . She turned and ran into the house . For a brief moment I had hopes she was getting a broom . I always have hope . After I finished , I discovered she hadn 't taken the trash or recycling to the curb . I made three trips to take all of it out . I went into the house , exhausted . She was sitting in a recliner with her feet up petting Kitten . " How does it feel to use your new lawn mower ? " " I 'm exhausted ! I just had to do the entire lawn by myself and now I 'm having to finish your chores . " Her bedroom was a mess ( again ) , so I told her to go pick up the dirty clothes and trash on her floor . She stormed into her room and laid down on the floor . She refused to do anything the rest of the evening , including making her bed . Her reason ? " I 'm too ashamed . " I suggested she could turn it around by doing something , but she 'd rather wallow . This afternoon she saw Psychiatrist . She was mad about having to go . Psychiatrist said group home needs to happen sooner rather than later . She suggested looking into a home that specializes in borderline personality disorder ( thPosted by This afternoon I went to visit a woman who loves clocks . She currently has about 20 of them . They are all set to different times so she can hear each one individually . I heard birds , cats , horses , fog horns , the marine song , waves , Christmas music , and I 'm sure some other things I 've forgotten . It was an interesting visit with the clocks , and a good one for pastoral care . Daughter went all day without calling or texting me - - it was nice , especially since this was a very busy day . Now we 're off to the warehouse store and probably out to eat . Yesterday I figured out that Daughter is having a difficult time engaging with her New Therapist because she believes if she does , she is betraying Therapist near Tiny Village . We talked about that on our way to her appointment , and then she wanted me to come back with her . After she explained to New Therapist why she is done with Birth Brother , she looked to me because she couldn 't explain things . I asked if this was about our conversation on the way there , and she nodded . I explained her concerns to NT and then left them and returned to the waiting area . Daughter came out of the session relieved and smiling . Maybe , just maybe , this will enable her to do some good work now with NT . I 'm taking my awesome Administrative Assistant to lunch to day - - some told me it 's Administrative Professional 's Day . It will be a nice break on a gray , rainy day . The building guys were back today with a rented machine to scrape the carpet off the concrete floor in the nursery . They have been working hard , and loving every minute of it . Two of them are in their 60 's , two in their 70 's , and one each in their 80 's and 90 's . They sweat and puff and pant and have a glorious time . As 3 : 00 approached one of them came upstairs to get me . They were almost done removing the carpet , and decided I needed to do a strip . They also decided they needed to take multiple pictures of me wrestling the equipment for a few feet . Tomorrow they plan to lay new laminate on the floor . I predict they 're going to be too sore and tired . They said they 'd let the younger guys carry the load tomorrow . I suspect that at least one of the pictures they took of me will end up in the PowerPoint announcement loop before worship Sunday . I won 't be around to see it , as we 're having a pulpit exchange . I was more than willing to give them the thrill of taking a picture of the preacher operating machinery . I need to keep them happy as many more projects are in the offing . I 'm sure they all went home and told their wives about me wrestling with the equipment . I saw the first dandelions of spring today . I also decided I needed to mow the lawn . Unfortunately , my lawn mower didn 't agree . I could get it to start , but it would die immediately . I knew it was on its last legs - - after it was repaired last fall the best it could do was sputter through the job . I 'm going to check out prices on line and will probably buy one tomorrow . Maybe after I check out prices on lawnmowers I 'll check out prices on lawn services . . . . I got a text from Daughter this morning . She said Birth Brother had changed and wasn 't himself and she didn 't want to have anything to do with him . I responded by pointing out that she hadn 't seen him since he was a child , so she really didn 't know what he was like . I told her we 'd talk about it this evening . So this evening I asked what his great sin had been . She called him this morning , and he was talking about how he wished he lived closer to us so that he could see her and take her bowling . She also acknowledged she 'd made a mistake contacting him . I feel sorry for BB . Daughter is calling him constantly , but then rejecting him . The same thing happened when she talked to birth mother . She wants to check them out , like a tourist attraction . She wants to satisfy her curiosity . She doesn 't want emotional engagement with them . She 's on a sight seeing tour , and is determined to remain in control of the relationship . I pointed out that she was sending him mixed messages - - calling him , but then not wanting to see him . She commented that she has problems with relationships with men . Yes , she does . The good news is she 's talking to me about these things . I asked her today what caused her to change her attitude and become cooperative . She said she didn 't know . I 'm going to enjoy it for however long it lasts . Before we headed out for my evening meeting ( she stayed at the home of one of the saints ) , we played a game of cards . She beat me . It was a pleasant evening with her . After a full day on Easter , I overslept this morning - - the alarm went off at the normal time , but I didn 't get up until almost 6 : 30 . Daughter continues to be cooperative with me . She called Birth Brother last night and left him a message , she was sobbing about how she needed to talk to her brother . When he called back , she was contentedly watching TV with me and didn 't have much to say to him . She did tell him she 'd sent him a message on facebook , and he finally sent me his email address with an apology for being so slow . I wrote a long email explaining some of Daughter 's issues and offering to bring her to a point between us where they could get to know each other . Daughter and I began our morning here at the church by getting rid of the balloons left over from yesterday . The pictures are from the sanctuary yesterday . I had 5 men from the property team in my office chatting before they began their project for the week : completely redoing the nursery . It will get new ceiling tiles , laminate flooring , and possibly a clear sealer over the murals on the walls . I brought some paperwork from home that I need to fill out . I 'll be in the office today , but the church work done will be minimal . I need to prepare for tonight 's board meeting , talk to people who drop in , and may write a couple of newsletter articles . My top priority , though , will be taking care of the personal details that are creating stress in my life right now . After the board meeting this evening , I 'll be ready to jump back into the work of ministry . Posted by I have been missing the youth group from Tiny Village and working with them to plan the Sunrise Service . We always flowered the cross as part of that service . One of the kids posted the traditional family pictures in front of the flowered cross on facebook . Snippets from Easter at Capital : Attendance was up 50 % over last Sunday . We ran out of bulletins , which is a wonderful problem to have . People were telling me how much they enjoyed Thursday 's service . One of the three projectors went bad this morning - - we hope it 's just that the lamp is going bad and we can replace it and solve the problems . The choir sang the Hallelujah chorus today - - and did a good job . We 've been doing dialogues , and a couple of weeks ago I figured out that it was easier if we froze two of the projectors and projected the dialogue on the back screen where the congregation couldn 't see it without turning around . This morning , the designated freezer forgot to freeze one of the front ones . We had to go back and freeze it and start the proclamation over again . We had helium balloons tied to the chairs this morning , and one was directly in my line of vision , causing me to do all kinds of contortions to read it . I finally got up and grabbed the ribbon of the offending balloon and handed it to the person closest to it . The congregation was amused , of course . Daughter continues to be cooperative . In about 30 minutes we 'll head out for dinner with Sister Best Friend and her family . Christ is risen ! He is risen indeed ! I took Daughter to see Hop this afternoon . She loved it . I found the internet on my new cell phone a welcome diversion . We did a little shopping and went out to eat . Birth Brother is bugging her to come see him . He was supposed to send me his email address , but he hasn 't . Daughter sent him a note on facebook today telling him to please contact me . I 'm willing to take her halfway and get a motel . They could do somethings together and I could be near by to help Daughter feel safe . She 's telling him all about her boyfriend and is misleading him about her life . I 'm sure he 's doing the same to her . I 've already caught him in a lie . Daughter is adamant about not going to his home to visit yet , but I 'm not sure she 's communicated that to him . He probably thinks I 'm trying to keep them apart . Daughter bought some DVD 's with a gift card Far Away Sister sent her for her birthday . She just tried to sneak her computer into her bedroom so she could watch them tonight . She slept until 10 : 30 this morning , and is complaining that we have to be at the church a little early tomorrow . It 's the first skirmish in a couple of days , though , so I won 't complain too much . This is my first Holy Week here in Capital , so I 'm learning a new set of traditions . Maundy Thursday we adapted a tenebrae service I used in Tiny Village . As we moved into darkness , we had the sun setting on our big screens . Unfortunately , there wasn 't a convenient door to slam when the grave shut , but we found a sound clip on line we were able to use . Last night was the community Good Friday service . My predecessor had not participated in the local ministerial association , so the congregation had not participated in the Good Friday service in several years . Daughter and I were the only ones from Capital who attended , and I had a part . It was nice to be part of an ecumenical service . It 's nice to have relationships with colleagues . Very nice . There is only one service here on Easter , and no breakfast . I 'll miss flowering the cross , but I won 't miss being at the church by 6 : 30 in the morning . It has been a relatively easy Holy Week on the church this year - - I 'm reworking some old things . Administrative Assistant and I have been working ahead on the bulletins , which made thins much less frantic in the office . I have a board meeting Monday evening , and I recruited one of the board members to do the educational piece so I don 't have to plan anything for the meeting . I need to decide today if I 'm going to make the top to go with the skirt I made Daughter for Easter , or buy one that will match . The top is trickier than I 'd like . I will look at it again this morning and then make a decision . It should be a fairly relaxing day today . Daughter has requested that we go see the movie Hop . We may do that , depending on her attitude today . Yesterday Daughter called and asked about insulin for popcorn . She wasn 't surly , which I saw as an improvement . She called again when I was at a lunch meeting with colleagues . I ignored the call , figuring she 'd text or leave a voice mail if it was urgent . She did neither When we got home yesterday afternoon , I began the process of filling pill boxes for the next month . She asked if I wanted help , and I told her not with the pill boxes , but I would like the family room cleaned . She immediately got to work , and she did a good job . After worship last night , Administrative Assistant 's Husband and I were practicing for Sunday morning . Daughter helped AA take down the Maundy Thursday items and put up the things we needed for Easter Sunday . I thanked her for her cooperation with the family room and worship set up . This morning she got up and into the shower without as soon as I turned on her bedroom light and pulled her covers off . She put her linens in the wash with no prompting from me . When I reminded her to pick up the bath mat , she said , " Thank you . " As I took her to her program , I thanked her . She said she supposed she still had to go to a group home , and I told her we would continue with the process , as it would take time . I reminded her we 'd still be a family and see each other often . She decided that as long as she could take a portrait of the two of us together , it would be okay to move out . I told we would still go on vacations together . That brought up the bed wetting issue . I agreed that I wouldn 't take her on vacation as long as she was wetting the bed , and told her we aren 't going camping this summer . She commented that she 'd ruined things . I told her she still had time to prove to me she was done wetting the bed . As the conversation continued , she acknowledged that she could stop if she wants to , but is just too lazy to get out of bed when she needs to go . I told her I thought it was easier to get up and go to the bathroom than wash her linens and remake her bed daily . Her response , " But at least I 'm getPosted by Daughter watched this morning as I took care of the trash she refused to take care of last night . We didn 't speak until it was almost time for her to go downstairs . She said , " I get to go to the movies today . " " I 'm glad you get to have fun . " " You think I want to have fun ? " ( shouted , of course . ) She then went into a rant about how she wanted to be working and earning money . It 's all my fault , of course . That 's why I didn 't initiate any conversations with her this morning . I knew that anything I said would be an excuse to go off on me . When she told me she was going to the movies , it was a no win for me . If I remained silent , she would have gone into a rant about how I don 't care . There was no response I could give or not give that would not have given her an excuse to yell at me . Sigh . It was hard , remaining silent , especially when I discovered she had slept on the floor of her room last night . I don 't know if she soaked the carpet or not . I don 't want to know . When / if she moves out I may find myself replacing not only the carpet , but the sub floor . She knows why I don 't want her sleeping on the floor ( who wants to sleep on the floor when they have a bed ? ) , so any comment on my part will just further provoke her . I simply can 't win with her at this point . She will find an excuse to yell at me . I 've set up respite for Daughter on May 10 so I can go to the clergy peer group . There are 5 others in the group . I already know and like 4 of them . I 'm looking forward to the fellowship , learning and break from Daughter . I also left the church to go shopping today . I got myself a new cell phone . I 've had a blackberry for the last 4 years , and this time I got the brand new 4G droid . We 're supposed to have 4G here in August . It 's going to take some time to get used to it , but I think I 'll like it . Daughter told me this evening she doesn 't like living with the the tension around here . I told her she was the one who could fix it . She went on to say she doesn 't want to move out . She 's not ready , she wants to stay with me . She complained that no one is helping . Her Therapist has given her a series of affirmations she is supposed to say to herself at least two times . She refuses to say them . I explained to her that in order to change she was going to have to be willing to do things that are uncomfortable at first . I told her no one could help her if she didn 't follow through on the ideas that were offered her . She got mad and went to bed . She went to bed with out doing the work she swore to me she 'd do . Of course , I figured when she swore she 'd do it that she wouldn 't . There are times when she 's very predictable . My decision that it 's time for a change is certainly being confirmed . She told me she had to clean her bedroom so she couldn 't pick up her stuff in the family room . Then she took her computer into her bedroom and watched TV on it . She 's not allowed to have her computer in her bedroom . When I discovered what she 'd done , I told her she 'd best get up this morning . She responded with a surly , " Is that threat ? " All of her responses were sarcastic and surly last night . I got up this morning , still tired . I managed to lock my keys in my bedroom . That meant no money , driver 's license , or access to any food in the house . Thanks to the board members who fixed the lock on the guest room when Daughter broke the lock trying to pick it , I knew how to break into my bedroom . I shouldn 't have to break into my own bedroom . A key to my bedroom will go in the combination lock box I have on a post in the back yard today . When Daughter finally got up ( late ) of course , her only words to me were a yelled , " I 'm sorry for making you late . " I quietly responded , " Please don 't yell at me . " She is down in her program . I have 6 hours before I have to deal with her again . Well , probably not 6 . At some point she 'll call or text to make sure I 'm still going to be here for her . She may even text me an apology . She 's an expert at saying she 's sorry . She doesn 't seem to understand that she needs to back up her words with actions . I have come to a difficult decision . It is time to begin looking for an out of home placement for Daughter . The power struggle with her is taking too big a toll on me . I am exhausted , and my health is suffering . I told Daughter , who was quite distressed . " I never thought about what my behavior was doing to you . " I was in tears as I talked to her about it . I told her I 'd still be her mom , and would still see her lots , but it was time for a change . Therapist helped her make a list of the pros and cons of moving out , and she decided there are more pros than cons . I went out to do a visit this afternoon , and left my cell phone in the car . She freaked out when I wasn 't answering . She called Administrative Assistant , who assured her I 'd be back to get her . I registered her for a camp for special needs adult camp in early June back before Christmas . I haven 't heard anything since I got the receipt , so I sent off an email yesterday asking about the status of her registration . I have yet to get an answer . Last year they lost at least one registration from someone connected with the church . I 'm trying not to panic . I want that week break from her . They added a second special needs camp this year because the first one filled up so quickly last year . I 've received an invitation to join a peer support group that has overnight meetings 5 times a year . They have a meeting coming up in early May . I 'm meeting with Case Manager next week . I 've told her I want respite for that night and I want to discuss other living options for Daughter . She told me Daughter is going to be tough to place . She 's high functioning , but needs tight supervision . I asked about accessing resources through her psychiatric diagnoses . Case Manager will look into that . It could take a couple of years to get her into the right place , but it 's time to begin moving forward with this . It 's past time . Posted by Daughter has been working very hard to get a psychiatric hospitalization . She 's not getting it , but she sure is trying . It has been a tough few days . Saturday I discovered she has been stealing money from me . I 'm now locking my purse up in my bedroom , too . She gave me a card , and then took it away and threw it in the trash becaue I don 't deserve it . Sunday we celebrated the 16th anniversary of her adoption . No , I didn 't feel like celebrating , but she took a break from telling me I 'm not her mom and she 's changing her last name to cling to me , give me frequent kisses , and say in a baby voice , " My mommy . " She pointed out it was our special day and we had to celebrate . I took her out to eat , because I didn 't feel like cooking and I didn 't want to fuel her acting out by sending the message the adoption wasn 't worthy of celebration . Yesterday Birth Brother called her invited her to come visit for a few days . " How do you feel about that ? " " I want to go . It 's just for a couple of days . " " What about insulin , food , and bed wetting ? " " Well , I didn 't tell BB this , but I 'm not comfortable visiting him yet . I 'd rather he come here for the first few visits . " I told her she had to tell him that . I 'm going to tell him it would be better to talk to me about things like this first . I suspect I 'll be the evil mom depriving long lost birth siblings with the opportunity to reconnect afer all these years . I think I 'll suggest we meet on neutral ground some place between us . I can leave the two of them alone to visit and be available when Daughter freaks out . Of course , who knows if the conversation with BB even took place . Yesterday afternoon she told me she 'd checked with one of the saints on Sunday , and I could drop her off there before my evening meeting . She said I should call to confirm . I finally figured out she hadn 't talked to the woman at all . I 'm tired of the lying . A friend pointed out that Daughter always amps it up for Holy Week . She is so jealous of my work . I am so grateful for something positive in my life . She sees TherapisPosted by Daughter was completely dry this morning . She brought out the things she 'd borrowed from the library and asked me to stop by and return them on our way to her program this morning . I 'm beginning to think that maybe contact with Birth Brother will be positive . At least she knows he 's safe in the States recruiting instead of in Afghanistan or Iraq . She 's expressed fear for his safety several times . I 'm cautiously optimistic . Now to enjoy my day off - - from church and Daughter ! Posted by After choir tonight , when there is time for prayer and sharing prayer concerns , Daughter asked for prayers to help her stop lying so she wouldn 't get in trouble so much . ( I wasn 't there , it was reported to me later . ) She has acknowledged that making contact with Birth Brother wasn 't a very good idea . . Daughter and I both just spoke with BB . He 's an army recruiter . He 's on wife number 3 , who is expecting his second child . He talked a good line . The box is open , and we can 't shut it again . I shared my concerns with him . He has friended me on facebook , and wants to know if the contact with Daughter is causing problems . I think the situation is about as good as it could be right now . I 'm relieved . Posted by This afternoon I noticed that Daughter 's Program Coordinator had sent me a text this morning . " We think we 've located Daughter 's brother . I went him a message telling him to contact me . " I could feel my heart begin to race . I sent back a text telling PC that this was bad , very bad . Then I told Administrative Assistant , ending with , " Happy Holy Week . I need chocolate . " I found some chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen . The last contact with birth family was 4 years ago and led to 3 psych hospitalizations over a very short period of time . Since then , any discussion of birth family has led to psychotic episodes . Apparently , Daughter told PC that we had been trying to locate Birth Brother . PC helpfully went on to Facebook and quickly found BB , sending off the message . She decided to give me a heads up , but thought I had been working with Daughter on this . PC left for a meeting , and Daughter 's group headed to the library . Daughter took advantage of the computers in the library to look up BB on Facebook . She entered his phone number into her phone , and called him . He answered . She told Staff he called her . She called me , " Guess what ! BB found me ! " " Would you like to rephrase that ? " " BB found me ! " " I talked to PC . " " Okay , I found him with PC 's help . " She has no informed me that we aren 't family and she needs to change her last name . I need more chocolate . I 'm trying to be optimistic and think this might lead to some healing . It 's hard to be optimistic , though , knowing what I know of BB . He has a girl with his second wife that he named after Daughter . Birth Mother told Daughter that BB 's girl was just like Daughter . For months Daughter was trying to figure out how to get across the country to rescue BB 's girl , because she wasn 't safe . I finally told her that BB 's girl didn 't look like her , and that her mom had been smart enough to divorce BB , so I was confident she could keep her safe . BB is a charmer , a thief , a liar , and while Daughter claims he kept her safe , she has several times expressed deep concerns about the safety oReverend Mom Daughter 's blood sugar was sky high this morning . She immediately told me she hadn 't eaten anything . When I was skeptical , she started swearing at me . I reminded her that she 'd said the same thing until I discovered she taken a box of thin mints a couple of weeks ago . There was more to the conversation than that , obviously , but I did remain calm and didn 't let her blame me . I told her that it was her actions that caused me to question whether she was telling the truth . . This afternoon I came home and made brownies for the Lenten supper tonight . In the midst of my baking , a neighbor 's dog chased one of the neighborhood cats up a tree in my backyard . I walked out briefly to talk with the neighbors who had come to retrieve their dog . Daughter took advantage of the unlocked refrigerator to eat an entire half gallon container of ice cream . . Her blood sugar was sky high again before supper . Yes , I get tired of this . I don 't like having to keep everything locked up constantly . Yesterday Kitten was locked in my bedroom all day . I 'm keeping it locked now so Daughter won 't get in there and search for spare keys . It 's not much fun living this way . Sigh . Posted by In the midst of a busy week , one of the saints is picking up Daughter and taking her to see Therapist . I will pick Daughter up there when I get back in town from an all day regional church meeting . I received an email this morning from another saint offering to take responsibility for the portion of the PowerPoint I was supposed to do for Sunday 's service . Little things mean a lot . Posted by I 'm not sure which of these events marks the official start of spring : the blooming of the first daffodil in my yard , or the start of the construction season . Both happened today . This summer they are rebuilding the main East - West road through Capital . It is between my house and the church . They have closed the road to all eastbound traffic . The detour goes by the church . Many people are making their own detours . The result is that traffic is very heavy on alternate routes . One woman sat through 7 signal lights today before she could get through . It could be a long summer . Very long . As I anticipated , it was a crazy day at the church . I lost track of the number of people who came through my office . Some good things are happening , and it was a good day , though a long one . I had two committee meetings tonight . I informed the financial people that we were going to need a new phone system soon . Over 10 years ago someone who worked in the industry gave us a used phone system . It was free . It was used . It 's no longer possible to find the owner 's manual on - line . It 's not supported anymore . It has not been possible to reprogram or modify features . It doesn 't support caller ID . I could go on . In Tiny Village , they would have told me it was fine and they weren 't spending money . Here , the committee assigned someone to research prices and said it had to be replaced . It almost makes up for the traffic . . . . Posted by Last Sunday when we walked out of church , it was snowing . Today it got up to 80 . I came home from church and opened every window in the house . I dragged Daughter out of the house to play ladder ball . I also moved a bird feeder so that it wasn 't over the patio . I tried to get Daughter to sweep up the bird seed , but that didn 't work very well . What is so hard about sweeping ? I didn 't even ask her to do the entire patio - - just the bird seed by the door . Her behavior is getting to me . I am so tired of having to double lock everything . Part of the reason I dragged her out of the house today was because I didn 't trust her in it alone , and I wasn 't staying inside on such a beautiful day . She asked to walk to the store today . I told her that when I couldn 't trust her in the kitchen I certainly couldn 't trust her to walk to the store alone . She doesn 't see the connection . If she hasn 't done it in the last 5 minutes , she 's not doing it anymore . I 've had trouble falling asleep the last two nights . Last night it was after 2 : 00 before I fell asleep , and I was up before 5 : 30 . I haven 't taken a nap this afternoon in the hope that I will be so exhausted I 'll sleep well tonight . This is going to be a very busy week . I broke my own rule , and have commitments 4 evenings in a row . I have a regional meeting Tuesday that I am very tempted to skip , but I 'll be good and go to it . I think we 're in pretty good shape for worship between now and Easter . The challenge is going to be getting ready for the Wednesday program . Last week I got a lot done on that on Monday , but tomorrow the church is going to be invaded by our building team . They are going to be rehanging things in the sanctuary , painting the upstairs kitchen , and hanging cupboards . Each one of them will have to come in and chat with me at some point . We 've told the man who is over 90 and just got out of the hospital that he is not to climb up any ladders . He 's not too happy about that . Each of the guys will want to stop by my study to chat at some point . I 'll enjoy the conversatiPosted by It was time for a new strategy . Daughter was getting to me . I 'm determined not to let her drag me down . So , I decided I would see if I could be more passive aggressive than she is . I really am having a good time with it . I 'm doing all the laundry , with the exception of her linens . I did ask her quite sweetly if she needed the washing machine for her linens . She declined . I made some discoveries as I was doing laundry . Last night she said , " Don 't worry , Mom , I 'm cleaning the lint filter . " I have carefully explained to her on numerous occasions the importance of cleaning the lint filter to prevent fires . Of course , when I cleaned it today , I found several days worth of red lint from her sheets . I hung up all her clothes and took them into her bedroom and began hanging them up in her closet . I discovered that she hasn 't stopped hiding clothes she doesn 't want to deal with on the floor of her closet , she has just been hiding them further back . I carefully hung them all up as she watched and fumed , telling me to leave them alone . I apologized for expecting too much of her and assured her I wouldn 't ask her to take care of her own clothes in the future . I told her while I was in there I might as well collect all the empty hangers , since she has so much trouble finding them when I need them . I have apologized numerous times for doing things that might distress her . I 've sweetly asked her not to swear at me , since I don 't swear at her because I know how much it scares her . I 've patiently made her lunch , and asked if she needed me to clean out the cat boxes for her . I 've cleaned both of the bathrooms . When I found mud all over the floors I 'd just cleaned , I asked if she had mud on her shoes . " A little . " . " Oh , okay . That 's why there 's mud all over the floor . That 's okay , I 'll just get the vacuum cleaner back out . " . She has expressed frustration , but has not lifted a finger to help . Her room is still a disaster . I told her that was okay , I knew I 'd been asking too much when I asked her to take her dirty clothes all the way tReverend Mom I discovered the cause of Daughter 's high blood sugar yesterday evening : she 'd stolen a box of thin mints out of the pantry along with those crackers . There were three cookies left when I demanded she return them . The girl scout cookies are now gone . I finished of the thin mints and the two peanut butter patties that were left last night . I let her sleep in this morning , finally calling her a little after 10 : 00 ( she 'd gone to bed at 9 : 00 last night ) . She was obviously wide awake when she responded by swearing at me . She did get up , shower , and go for a walk with the saint who picks her up every Saturday morning . She home with a cursory , " sorry . " She then sat down in the family room and watched as I began cleaning the kitchen . She was picking up on my frustration , and didn 't like it . It 's all right for her to swear at me , scream , throw things , slam doors , etc . It 's not all right for me to be frustrated and allow that to come out in my actions - - no yelling , but I may have put some things away forcefully . She stormed out of the house . I called her back . I 'm not in the mood to go searching for her today . She told me I was scaring her . I told her she needed to go to her room if she wasn 't going to help , as I didn 't want her staring at me while I worked . She informed me it is Saturday and she shouldn 't have to work . Except she hasn 't worked all week . I told her to take the trash out Wednesday , so she emptied the inside wastebaskets and left the trash can sitting in the garage . She is refusing to do anything properly , and I 've decided it 's easier to do it myself . That doesn 't mean I 'm going to do it for her entertainment , though . I 've already run the vacuum cleaner , washed dishes , and cleared off the counter . Next come the bathrooms and kitchen floor . At some point I have to go to the store today . I 'm sure that will be a pleasant trip . I have to take her with me , since I can 't leave her home alone . It 's going to be a long day . Time to get back to work . Posted by I was in the basement working on Daughter 's skirt for Easter when I realized I hadn 't put the cable locks on the cupboards and refrigerator , so I came upstairs ( they were locked , but only with one set of locks ) . Daughter was in her bedroom , and I was immediately suspicious . She insisted , of course , that she wasn 't into anything . I asked to smell her breath . Her reluctance told me she 'd been into something . Yup , I definitely didn 't smell the ice cream I 'd just given her for a snack . " What did you eat ? " " Salt . " " You weren 't eating salt . What were you into ? Do I need to go search your room ? " . " Crackers . " . She had gone searching my bedroom and found the spare keys for the pantry locks . She 's not even supposed to be in my room . I confiscated the keys , and located all the other spare keys I have around the house . They are now in my pocket . I 'm not sure where I 'm going to keep them . After confiscating the keys , crackers , and doing a quick search of her room , she announced , " You know I hate you ! " " That 's okay . You can hate me . I sill love you and will work hard to keep you safe . " " Back off ! " I returned to the basement and her Easter skirt . When she got hungry , she came down to apologize . I told her I thought her apology had more to do with hunger than remorse . She didn 't argue that point . I took an individual serving of Spanish rice out of the freezer and handed it to her . I made her show me her blood sugar on the meter and gave her insulin . When I finished the skirt , I came upstairs . She wanted to snuggle , so I let her lean against me as I watched TV . At bedtime her blood sugar was sky high . She insists she wasn 't into anything . Of course I don 't believe her . Sigh . Posted by I had a funeral yesterday . When I looked at the weather forecast , it was supposed to be partly sunny and 55 , so I decided I wouldn 't need a coat for the committal service at the cemetery . The funeral was at 11 : 00 , so it would be almost noon by the time we got to the cemetery , after all . . . . It was damp , gray , and 39 when we got to the cemetery . Fortunately , it didn 't take long at the cemetery . It did warm up some and we did see the sun in the afternoon . I ended my day by holding a beautiful 3 week old baby in my arms last night . It was a good day . I have dropped Daughter off at her program and I will be heading to my sewing area in the basement . I 'm hoping I can finish her Easter outfit today and get started on an outfit I 'm making for Baby Nephew . Right now , though , I 'm enjoying watching cardinals and yellow finches at my bird feeders . It 's nice to see a splash of color on a rainy , gray day . Posted by So I 'm in the midst of a crazy week . Daughter , of course , has to use this week to push and test . Yesterday evening she announced , " I know why I didn 't feel good and was grumpy today . You forgot to give me my pills this morning . " Wonderful . I sat down to work on the funeral yesterday evening and promptly fell asleep . Daughter was waiting for her linens to finish in the laundry . She finally gave up , saying she 'd just use a blanket ( she didn 't put her linens in yesterday morning , and it was late when we got home ) . When she told me she was going to bed I got up and gave her her pills , but apparently I totally forgot about her basal insulin . So this morning she triumphantly showed me the high number on her meter , and said , " You forgot to give me my Lantus last night ! " . I told her that it 's her body and she 's responsible . She needs to remind me when I 'm tired and forget things . Will she ? Probably not . I am human , and sometimes it 's hard to keep all the balls in the air . Administrative Assistant even suggested I lay down in the office after the funeral so I 'd have enough energy for the evening round . Instead I got some work done , and decided I won 't come back to the church after my visit with the new baby . Administrative Assistant will get someone to bring Daughter home and make sure Daughter packs up my computer and brings it ( tight schedule tonight - - 6 : 15 appointment at the church that requires my computer , and I have to be in the next town by 7 : 00 to visit the new baby ) . Tomorrow is my day off , so I 'll drop Daughter here in the morning and won 't be back to the church ( or do any work for the church barring emergencies ) until 8 : 00 Sunday morning . Posted by I skipped walking this morning so I could finish up the handouts and PowerPoint for today 's Lenten Study . This morning I edited the funeral bulletin for tomorrow . I got those done just in time for the noon study . We finished that at about 1 : 30 , and I went into the office and proofread the newsletter . As I was finishing that , member came in and told us the story of his Dad 's trip to te hospital . Then it was time for a committee meeting . I left the meeting early to go the funeral home . I got back to the church and spent a few minutes sitting with Daughter . I revised the PowerPoint a little for tonight 's study . I began working on the funeral for tomorrow morning . I went down to the Lenten study and led it . As I was gathering equipment and papers the group set up for tomorrow 's funeral dinner . I got home at about 8 : 30 , over 13 hours after I left the house this morning . . I now have to finalize the service for tomorrow morning 's funeral . I 'm tired . It 's been a great day . Both Lenten studies went very well . The groups were responsive and willing to share and be vulnerable . It 's a crazy week , but we 're managing to get the work done . I 'm glad I can give witness to the resurrection tomorrow as we celebrate the life of a remarkable woman . I will admit , though , that I am really looking forward to my day off on Friday . Tomorrow will be just as busy as today , and it will include an opportunity to meet and cuddle a new baby . I 'm looking forward to that . Posted by I was the oldest of four children , and Mom worked hard to challenge me to be my best . So , when I proudly showed her a picture I had drawn as a preschooler , she informed me she was ashamed of me , I knew the sky went down to the horizon , but I 'd only put the blue sky at the top . I didn 't know what horizon meant , but I knew I had disappointed Mom , I wasn 't good enough . When I started school , she wanted me to be my best . I 'd come home with my report card , and she 'd tell me it was a same I had ruined a beautiful report card with a B + in math . As high school graduation approached , I discovered I was going to be co - valedictorian . She was delighted an gave me a hug . After reflection , she told me it was a shame I 'd let my class down . If I 'd worked a little bit harder , and improved one grade , the girl who had bypassed calculus for an easier math class senior year wouldn 't be co - valedictorian with me . I could go on , but you get the idea . The message I got was that I wasn 't good enough . If I wasn 't perfect , I wasn 't good enough . That wasn 't the message Mom intended to give , but it was what I heard . I finally decided if I couldn 't be perfect , at least I could be needed , so I threw myself into being the third parent for Sister and Brother , who were 10 and 12 years younger than I am . My senior year of high school , Mom went to work , and I was usually the one who stayed home to take care of Sister or Brother when they were sick . I struggled with severe depression for years , and still experience it occasionally . Sister wants to challenge Short Niece to do her best . She is in first grade , and because Sister has identified her as gifted , her teachers give her extra homework . Sister works with her on the homework , which has to be perfect . Short Niece is gifted in manipulating Sister , and so she does none of her homework independently . The other night Short Niece was doing homework . Sister stepped into improve it , making her add things to her report and finally erasing and rewriting some words for Short Niece . Sister 's Ex - Husband ( theReverend Mom This happened couple of weeks ago , and I was reminded of by Miz Kizzle 's comment regarding Daughter 's love of drama . There is a young man in her program I 'll call R . She has had an on again off again relationship with him since she started the program . I have told her that she needs to stop teasing R , and that he doesn 't understand the concept of " just friends . " She tells him she just wants to be friends and he thinks she wants to be his girl friend and have sex with him . She was furious with me because I wouldn 't let her invite him to her birthday party to meet the family . . R and Daughter are two of the higher functioning individuals in the program . A couple of weeks ago Program Coordinator came upstairs to make some copies , and brought R along with her . I said hi or good morning or something , but didn 't enter into a conversation with either of them . Daughter was very jealous , so when PC and R got back downstairs , she informed PC that she shouldn 't take R upstairs because I hated him . Of course she said this in front of R , who was hurt . PC tried to reassure him , and finally sent me a text explaining what Daughter had said and asking if I hated R . I told her to tell R I didn 't hate him , Daughter was just jealous . She did , and he was somewhat reassured . . PC was off to a meeting in the afternoon , and R took advantage of her absence to give Daughter a drawing he had done . It was a very crude stick figure with a square body . It was quite clear , though , what was at the bottom of that square body . He helpfully labeled the picture with his name . Daughter , of course , was quite distressed . She didn 't show it to any of the staff , but showed it to me when she got upstairs . I knew she hadn 't done it from the style of the drawing and the writing on it . . When shown the picture the next day he acknowledged drawing it and that it was wrong . In addition to the instruction to show the picture to PC , Daughter got a lecture from me . I told her I didn 't hate R or anyone else . My instructions to stay away from him were because she wasReverend Mom There are 3 - 4 different blog posts floating around in my brain from incidents today , but I think I 'll go with the insurance one . The others require more reflection , and I 'm tired tonight . Daughter is on my insurance , but she also had medical assistance as a disabled adult . My insurance is primary , so basically MA picks up co - pays on things . When we moved her to Capital , I had to pick out a plan for her through one of the private insurers MA partners with . I picked out a plan where the doctor I 'd gotten her was a provider . Then we got her new card from the MA plan with the name of a different doctor on it . I had to call twice before they sent me a corrected card . When I went to get her prescriptions filled in January , the co - pay had gone up to over $ 200 a month . Her new MA plan requires prior authorization for a number of her prescriptions . I called about this , and asked them to send me the forms to take to her doctors to get the prior authorization . Nope . They couldn 't give them to me , but the doctor 's office would have them and know what to do . So I started asking the doctors ' offices to do prior authorization . I had to convince the doctor 's office she needed these prescriptions . We 've gone through a number of different birth control prescriptions before we found one that worked for her . I didn 't want to start that process again . Her plan doesn 't like insulin pens . I 'm willing to use syringes for her night time insulin , but the pens are much more convenient for before meals , especially since she has to draw up her own insulin before lunch . Syringes can be tricky . MA likes a different brand of meter than my insurance company . Right now we both use the same meter . I want to continue using the same meter . The Nurse Practitioner didn 't see that as a medical reason and refused to get a prior authorization for that . Okay , then put her on mail order for that ( my insurance company penalizes us if we don 't do mail order , but the mail order company doesn 't take MA ) . She said she 'd do that . MA didn 't like the antibiotic foReverend Mom Monday is Administrative Assistant 's day off . She showed up at the office this morning . She wanted to print off a couple of things for a meeting tonight , but she could have done that right before the meeting . She saw a death notice in the paper , and knew I would be doing the funeral . She knew it was my first funeral here . She came in to see what needed to be done in preparation for the funeral Thursday . That kind of support is awesome . I am grateful to be working with such a fantastic AA . In other news , Daughter thinks it 's unfair that I won 't allow her to stay upstairs on her own during my meeting this evening . I told her I thought it was unfair that I couldn 't trust her around food and have to use double locks in the kitchen at home to keep her out of food . She was mad , but had the wisdom not to say anything . Posted by This morning as we were driving to the church , Daughter asked me , " How did I do on helping getting ready for company this weekend in terms of percentages ? " She was obviously quite proud of herself and looking for praise . My response did not please her . I pointed out that having to inspect her work took my time and was frustrating , and that her goal seemed to be to get by with as little as possible , skipping things like cleaning the bathroom sink in the hopes I wouldn 't notice . I told her I was about to the point of deciding it was easier to do it myself , and she may have one this one . She was silent . No protests . No justifications . She didn 't try to convince me that I was wrong and she did try to do things properly . As she sat there silently beside me , I asked her what was wrong , and if she hadn 't liked my answer . Her response was quick and to the point : " You should have lied . " Posted by I was pondering life with Daughter this morning as I unlocked the food . I 'd locked the cake for today in the car . I discovered that she 'd wet on one of my recliners in the family room . She twice dressed in inappropriate clothing for church . When she finally put on appropriate clothing , I had to send her back in the bedroom to hang up the clothes she 'd taken off . I knew she had dumped them on the floor , and later would put them in the hamper rather than hang them back up . . After the choir sang , she went down to the children 's Sunday School . She didn 't want the other children showing her cousin around . Then when we got home , she didn 't want to have anything to do with her cousin . Yesterday she didn 't want all these people coming to her party ; today she was disappointed that Baby Nephew and his family couldn 't come . . I enjoyed the day . I 'm exhausted , but it was a good day . I 'm not too worried about whether Daughter enjoyed it or not . I don 't think she could give me an honest answer . I 'm not sure she knows whether she enjoyed it . Posted by Tomorrow we 'll have Sister , Short Niece , Sister Best Friend and her Husband here to celebrate Daughter 's birthday . Sister and Short Niece will be here for worship , Sister Best Friend will come when she finishes her responsibilities at her church . Brother , Sister - in - law , and Baby Nephew are doubtful . Daughter was expressing anxiety over the party again today . I 'm trying to keep it low key . We 're cleaning the house , I baked a cake and made baked beans , and then I bought ham , smoked turkey breast and potato salad . She told me today she was afraid there would be drama . She hears the conversations I have with siblings , and knows that there are times when some poor decisions are made . . I think more than that , though , she 's uncomfortable with being the point of the celebration . It 's okay if we have a birthday cake for her at Easter , but to have family gather just for her , that 's different . I finally told her that the only way there would be drama would be if she created it , and if she did , I 'd send her to her room or the basement and I 'd enjoy having family here . That ended the protests . . She " cleaned " the bathroom , and then I went behind her and cleaned the things she didn 't clean even after I pointed them out . I 've about ready to give up on getting her to clean anything around here . I 'm tired of playing the game . She tries to get away with doing as little as possible while insisting she did the whole thing properly . When I point out the things she 's missed , she starts yelling about how only God is perfect and I expect too much . Maybe it is too much to expect her to clean the toothpaste out of the bathroom sink when she cleans the bathroom . I 've been reluctant to let her win this one , but the ongoing battle is getting to be too much . . She has gone to bed , and I 'm enjoying the peace and quiet in front of the fireplace . This may be the last fire until fall . I hope it will soon be warm enough I don 't want to build fires . . . . During Lent , I am reworking some dialogues I wrote 3 years ago for Tiny Village . Because I 'm working with someone else on these and because so much of the work was already done , it means that when I leave the office on Thursday , I 'm ready for Sunday . I even have the liturgy printed out and in my notebook . I don 't have anything hanging over my head on Friday and Saturday . I don 't have to worry about getting the sermon done . I get to relax , and truly enjoy time off . . This happened when I did the dialogues 3 years ago , too . I resolved to get sermons done early every week . It didn 't happen . There are so many other demands on my time , that despite my best intentions , I would find myself finishing the sermon on Saturday night . I hope that this time it will be different . I hope that after Easter this year I will continue to get things done early . I hope that the memory of the freedom to truly enjoy my time off will be the spark I need to get things done early . I can always hope . Posted by Daughter had a doctor 's appointment today . Her blood work was good . Her thyroid is enlarged and has some cysts , but no cause for alarm . I 'm not very happy with my pharmacy right now . When the doctor 's office called about getting prior authorization , they told them we didn 't need prior authorization . We don 't for my insurance , but we do for medicaid . As a result , I spent another $ 100 plus out of pocket to cover Daughter 's prescriptions this month . I 'm going to go have a conversation with the pharmacy , obviously . I may need to change to the one that the agency uses , but the location and hours are very inconvenient . This one is between the church and our home . On a more positive note , her appointment was at 9 : 00 on the other side of town . I dropped her off at her program by 9 : 30 . Now I 'm cooking and cleaning and watching a worker struggle with my TV . . It 's nice , having this day at home without Daughter . I can leave food unlocked . I can enjoy peace and quiet . I got to watch some yellow finches at the bird feeder today . I really do love my house . I realized that with all the trees in my backyard I can look out and be reminded of camping . A wonderful reminder and a mini vacation right in my own family room . Posted by So yesterday Daughter asked if she could invite a friend to the family celebration of her birthday . . " Who ? " " You 'll probably say no . " " Who do you want to invite . " " B " . " No . " . B is one of the consumers in her program . She wants to be his friend , but as soon as he gets too close , she rejects him . She flirts , teases , and then rejects him . Staff has orders to keep them apart during the program . I have repeatedly explained to her that B doesn 't understand " just being friends , " and interprets her attention as meaning she wants to be his girl friend and have sex . She isn 't being fair to him . She still wants a boyfriend , though . She wants one desperately , right up until the point there is any desire for physical contact . . She went on to explain to me that she wants to invite him because she doesn 't want family coming to her birthday . Sigh . I 'm sure when Sunday she 'll be glad to see them . At least I hope she will . Posted by I 'm a pastor and a mother . I was ordained in October of 1985 , and began serving this suburban congregation in October of 2010 . In March of 1990 I was asked to take an almost 3 year old " for the weekend . " Five years into the weekend I adopted her . Daughter carries a number of diagnoses : Reactive Attachment Disorder , Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , Central Auditory Processing Disorder , Bipolar , seizure disorder , and type 1 diabetes . She moved into a group home in November of 2011 . She attends a sheltered workshop and sings in the church choir . View my complete profile Daughter became my foster child in 1990 , shortly before she turned 3 , and I adopted her when she was 8 . Capital is a state capital in the midwest . In October of 2010 I became pastor of a church on the edge of town . Administrative Assistant is my keeper . She runs the office at the church , and at heart is an artist . She helps turn my crazy ideas into reality . Program is where Daughter spends most of her days . She does some piece work and participates in some classes and activities . She 'd like to get community employment , but still has some work to do to make that possible . Sister Best Friend and I met in seminary . We vacationed together for a number of years , and then she got married . We still do some cooperative worship planning . She seves a church less than an hour away . Far Away Sister is 4 . 5 years young than me . She lives across the country . She was an electrical engineer until she stayed home to raise Tall Niece and Nephew . Now that they are graduating , she is planning to become a high school math teacher . Sister is 10 years young than me . She is divorced and the mother of Short Niece . She lives in the same state as Capital . She is a teacher . Brother is 11 1 / 2 years younger than I am . He finally got married in February of 2009 . He lives near Sister . They are the parents of Baby Nephew . Not sure where to begin . This blog has been neglected since April . I have not felt the need to write here of vomit my drama onto these pages at all . My . . . |
Overwhelming anguish flooded Emily as she sat down on the couch long after he 'd gone . How could this have happened ? It was supposed to be fun to go out with friends . She looked around the apartment , and tears came to her eyes . Eric and Rebecca would be so disappointed , and she couldn 't blame them . She was disappointed too . If he just didn 't play this Dr . Jekyll and Mr . Hyde thing all the time … if he was just the Jeremy she ate lunch with , the one who helped her put the puzzle together , the one she laughed with and talked with … But somewhere in him , this other Jeremy was alive and well . This Jeremy who thought social - climbing was the point of life , who lived in a world she would never understand , who believed all the things she loathed were just how it was . How could she have been so stupid as to let herself fall for him ? He hadn 't changed anymore than Gibraltar ever would , and for her heart , she had to face that fact , tell him good - bye , and find a way to go on living . It took force to get her nerves to settle down enough so she could put her head down and her feet up onto the couch . Then , on the soft green pillow case , she finally stopped fighting and let the tears take her . Maybe they were all like this . Maybe there wasn 't a single descent guy out there . A guy who knew how to treat a lady . A guy who didn 't think getting drunk and having sex were the only reason to go out . That thought hurt to think , but it was hard to deny . Then again , even if there was one descent guy left , he certainly wouldn 't be interested in her . The feeling of sitting alone at the table while Jeremy talked and the others had fun descended on her . They all understood how to play this game . She didn 't . She never had , and she never would . Another face drifted through her , and this one brought real , stinging pain with it . Grief poured from her as she put her knuckles to her mouth to try to beat it back . The reality was although it had been five years , she was still the one trying to figure out what all the others seemed to get effortlessly - how to be popular , how to be likeable , how to fit in . But then the thoughts of what she had given up to be popular gouged into her , and she gasped at the fiery ache they brought with them . " Stop it , Emily ! " she hissed to the darkness . " Just stop it already ! " But the thoughts and the tears were too heavy to hold . They dragged her down with them into the darkness of memories she had done everything she could to get rid of for five years . The darkness became palpable as if it was a real presence in the room . Emily lay curled , deflecting it from her even as it surrounded her . Sleep and memories began to tug for control of her mind . As she lay there , the seconds sliding by , she dropped through the veil of consciousness into sleep , but instantly she shook herself awake . Fear snaked through her . Her breathing fought against unconsciousness . Then she would fall again into the abyss of slumber once again . It was like being awake and asleep at the same time until she didn 't know which one was real . For whole moments upon waking she would frantically look around , gasping for breath , and trying to figure out where the light under her door was . Then , upon finding the shaft from the window over the steps , she would remember where she was and be partially reassured until she remembered he was here too , and irrational fear would coil over her once again . Even sleeping , her guard was up . Yes , he hadn 't tried anything when they got here , but that didn 't make now any less dangerous . She had to listen for him in case he woke up , stumbled out here , and decided to take advantage of the situation . The night deepened until the darkness of the apartment ceded to the graying sheets of rain outside the window of the pickup truck with the still new smell permeating the leather seats . As she sat there on her side , nerves wound through her . It wasn 't like she was a baby . She knew why people brought dates out into the country . The pink and white prom dress gracing her body felt silky smooth with each movement that she made , and she smiled at how she knew she looked . Sure , the dress was a hand - me - down from her cousin , but that was all right . No one here in Colorado had ever seen it before , so for them , it was new . From the cover of her eyelashes , she glanced over at Brock sitting in the driver 's seat . How handsome he was . His longish blonde hair brushed his eyelashes in a rebel appealing kind of way . And now , completely beyond rationality , he wanted to be alone with her . The thought spiraled through her . No one had ever wanted to be with her before . It made her feel special in a way nothing else ever had . " So , why 're you sitting way over there ? " Brock asked . His tuxedo , six layers of sliced black on white material , sported an armband and slips of black material for the vest . She was anything but an expert about that sort of thing , but it looked very expensive and cool . Just like something Brock would wear to the biggest night of their lives . " I don 't know . " Nervousness such that she had never felt clutched her . She knew what he was asking . She just couldn 't believe he was asking her . Across the back of the seat , his arm arched until his fingertips brushed the top of her bare shoulder . " Well , why don 't you come over here ? I have something for you . " Something , somewhere outside her shrieked in panic even as she slid carefully across the seat toward him . " Okay . " On the roof of the pickup the rain beat down a steady rhythm . Its gray streaks shielded the outside world from view . She felt how alone they were . His arm came around her , and he leaned to her . Her first kiss . She had thought of it so many times , dreamed of it so many nights , but when his lips touched hers , it wasn 't with a sweet request . Instead they were demanding and crushing . The smell of alcohol invaded her being with their arrival . Fear slapped into her , but she fought it back . Maybe she had just fantasized so much that when the reality was different than her dreams , it was disconcerting . She tried to melt into the kiss like the heroines did in the books she had read , but everything about her was screaming for him to stop . She struggled to break from his strength that locked her to him . The alcohol haze all over him overwhelmed her senses . It seemed to drip from his skin . " Brock , " she gasped when she managed to break his hold on her . He pulled back , and she scrambled for her side of the pickup seat . However , she met up with her door without putting any real space between them . " Umm , I don 't know about this . Maybe … Maybe we should go back . " With a yank he had his vest off . He was down to only the white shirt with the black buttons . In the next second he leaned over to her , and his hand cupped around her neck , yanking her to him . " Who wants to go back to some boring ol ' prom ? I 'd rather be here with you . " It should 've been a compliment , and maybe it would 've felt like one had he not sealed the statement with a lip - bruising kiss . She wedged her arms between them , trying to push him off . " Brock , stop . You 're hurting me . " " That 's what I thought . " He sneered . The look in his eyes twisted through her sending fear in all directions . " Do you know how many girls would sell their grandmother to be out here right now ? Now , come on . Don 't ruin this for me … I want you , Emily . Don 't make this so hard . " He leaned back to her again , this time with less intensity but demanding nonetheless . It was then that she felt his hand reach around her back and begin to unzip her dress . Her gasp shot through her whole body . " Brock , no … Please . " However , when she yanked herself back from him , it was not Brock . It was Jeremy who held her fast . Hysteria overwhelmed her as she battled to free herself , screaming for help , screaming for him to stop . " No , Jeremy ! No ! Please … Let me go ! No ! " Terror ripped a scream from her , and with it she came bolt upright . Sheer horror overtook everything else as she realized she had no idea where she was . Everything was sheathed in inky blackness . She grabbed for the blankets , clutching them in desperation as tears of fear and helplessness slid down her cheeks . " Emily ? Emily ? What 's going on ? What 's wrong ? Who 's here ? " From the darkness of the room behind her , Jeremy stumbled down the steps as all - out panic took hold of her . He stepped up to the couch beside her . " What 's wrong ? " Gut - twisting terror grabbed hold of her , and she jerked back from it tumbling off the couch , her heart slamming against her chest as if it could run without her . With a crash she met up with unmoving edge of the wrought - iron coffee table , and pain ripped through her shoulder . " Ow ! Oh … " She couldn 't breathe . Her shoulder screamed in pain , but all she knew was she had to get away from him . Clutching the only blanket she still held , she angled it between him and her . " No ! Stay away from me ! I swear I 'll scream . I swear I will . " Instantly he picked both hands in the air and stopped his approach cold . " Look , I 'm not . I 'm not coming any closer . It 's all right . Calm down . " Sweat pushed to the surface as heat flooded her body . " I 'm not kidding . I 'll scream . I swear I will . " Her feet pushed her backward across the floor , and she backed all the way to the door . There , she huddled , shaking and terrified . " Emily , " Jeremy 's voice was calm , but it did nothing to calm her , " it 's all right . It was a dream . You 're safe . I 'm here . " However , that assurance didn 't help at all . She could still feel his insistent hands , unzipping , unzipping , unzipping , and the fact that he was now standing in front of her confirmed her worst fears . She wasn 't safe here . She wasn 't safe anywhere . " I … I want to go home , " she said . The words quivered in the air between them . The blanket was anchored tightly around her , but she knew no amount of cloth had stopped Brock , so how could it stop Jeremy ? They were alone now . No one was around to hear her screams . If he wanted to … One part of her said it was stupid , but it was all she could do to keep from breaking down crying right there . " I just want to go home . Please . " Jeremy had no idea what was going on , but he knew it was bad . She looked like a trapped animal that was about to be killed . Her eyes were wide with fear and panic . Her hands held the blanket up to the top of her shoulders at unnatural angles . Her beautiful hair , completely disheveled , fell in wild strands all around her face that was etched with terror . She looked like a homeless street urchin who had been tossed into the world to fend for herself . " Okay . Okay . " Seeing no other option , he finally held up his hands . In truth he didn 't want to be out driving now . He wanted to be sleeping because his head was pounding , his eyes felt like someone had glued them to his skull , and his stomach was about to revolt . When drinking had become this miserable , he wasn 't sure ; however , at the moment he and his problems were the least of his worries . " I 'll get my keys . " The car was cold . Ice cold , but Emily didn 't care . Even though consciousness had retaken some control , she still couldn 't look at him . That face , those eyes . They weren 't only in the present . They were there every time she closed her eyes . She needed to get away from him . She had gotten too close , had given him too much of a chance . She sat next to the door , pressing herself into it . If she could 've ridden outside , she would have . At irregular intervals she felt him glance at her , and it raked over her nerves such that she had to force herself to breathe . Instead of wrapped around her middle , her hands were across her and all the way up to her shoulders . Even they didn 't feel like enough to shield her . The ride was one of the longest of her life , and when they got to the dorm , she didn 't even say good - bye . She simply got out and raced for the double doors . Every inch she put between them was one more he 'd have to breach to ever get close enough to hurt her . In the car Jeremy sat , wondering what had happened and knowing it was over . She was gone , and she wasn 't coming back . He couldn 't even get all the way to hurt . It was more a numbness that swept through him . He didn 't fight it . He couldn 't . It was his destiny to watch women walk away , knowing it was his fault , but not knowing how he could ever learn to make things work out like the rest of the world did . Even when she got to youth group on Sunday night , Emily still felt shaky . She knew now in the light of day that she 'd been totally irrational the night before . The gash on her shoulder still ached enough to tell her just how unreasonable she 'd been . She knew Jeremy was confused and probably hurt too . In one way she felt bad for that , but she couldn 't get feeling bad for him to overtake the panic that still clung to the edges of her spirit . Yes , Jeremy hadn 't taken advantage of her like Brock had , but the thought that he could have made her insides turn . How could she have put herself in that situation again ? How could she have given him even the slightest chance ? It had something to do with unpredictable males she was sure because just his presence threw her into a heightened state of alert . She wrapped her arms across herself leaving the heavy black bag on her shoulder to dangle at her hip . " We 're going to talk about Paul and his travels . " " Oh , cool . " Matt opened their door for her , and for a second Emily wondered what had come over him . He followed her into the room , and her gaze caught the completed puzzle across the way . It wrenched tears from her heart . " So Jeremy didn 't come with you ? " Sunday was horrible . There was nothing to do . Jeremy sat on the couch most of the day flipping through channels . He wasn 't watching anything really . He couldn 't get the illusion of television snapped tightly enough over reality to make it stick . He thought about calling her , but how could he do that ? What would he say ? Worse , she would probably slam the phone down in his ear before he could say anything . He knew he 'd messed up . That much was obvious . Slowly as the day wore on , he began to see why and how . She was his date , and yet he 'd treated her as if she was just someone who happened to come with him . Why was that ? Was it because of what the others would think of her ? Was it because he was afraid of what she might say if she talked to them ? Why did it matter to him what they thought ? Moreover , why wasn 't he proud to have her at his side ? Yes , she wasn 't runway fashionable or banking impressive , but why did that even matter ? And then there was the drinking thing . She hadn 't had a drink the entire night . He traced back through their time together over and over , but he couldn 't remember her ever having more than a sip of anything . So she didn 't drink . Did that mean he couldn 't either ? By seven o ' clock , the thoughts had twisted through each other like overgrown vine through a broken trellis so that he couldn 't have untangled them had he tried . Frustration , guilt , and confusion were all there , but he couldn 't make real sense of any of them . When the lock snapped and the door swung open , he looked up at it as if he hadn 't even known there was a door there . " Hey . " Jeremy re - anchored his gaze to the television and punched the remote twice . He knew Eric was bringing his stuff in . He knew he should ask about his friend 's weekend , but right now the intrusion of a piece of reality into his thoughts just aggravated him . Eric wrestled his stuff through the living room and up the steps to his room . Jeremy hoped he would stay there . However , that kind of luck was too much to ask , and in minutes Eric was back . " Happened ? " Jeremy felt the absurdity of his life seep through him . " Why would you think anything happened ? You 've only been gone two days . " It was clear Eric knew it was bad because he walked right over to the chair and sat down . His gaze took in his roommate 's disheveled look , and Jeremy squirmed under the scrutiny . He was still in the sweats he 'd put on to take her home so long ago it felt like forever , and he felt Eric 's judgment of that fact . He tried to say ' nothing . ' He wanted to say ' nothing . ' But that wasn 't the truth . What the truth was , he was less than sure , but whatever it was , it was bad . That was as far as he 'd been able to figure . " Yeah , she 's good . " Jeremy sniffed , stood , hit the off button , and threw the remote to the table . " She 's a whole lot better off without me . That 's for sure . " The knock on the door at ten o ' clock brought Emily up off the bed . She was trying to study , but she wasn 't getting very far . It was frustrating . Everything was frustrating . She 'd finally gotten her kids to pay attention , and now she was such a basket case , she couldn 't string three coherent thoughts together to save her life . " Oh . " Emily tried to brush it off as she wound her hair over her ear and went back to her books . " I 'm here . I 'm alive . No need to panic . So how was your weekend ? " Emily stopped and looked up . " Oh , I was going to tell you . I talked to Craig from lab and some of them are getting together on Thursday during lab time to study , so I won 't be able to meet you for lunch . We 've got a killer test coming up the next Tuesday . " Her gaze drifted across the books open on her bed . Anything so she wouldn 't have to look at Rebecca . Emily forced herself not to consider Rebecca 's words . The tears were there , but she wouldn 't let them fall . " I should 've known . It was a disaster waiting to happen . " She shrugged . " It 's not his fault . It was mine . I should 've left well enough alone when I had the chance . " She looked at the books again . " You know , I 'm glad you came by , but I 've really got a lot to get done before tomorrow . " " Hi , Jeremy . " Rebecca gave Jeremy a pity hug when he opened their apartment door for her . It had been two days of non - stop pain , and in truth , he needed that hug . " Oh , I 'm fine . " He tried to put a nice smile on his face , but it hurt . He turned for the couch , dropped onto it , and put his foot on the other side . Grabbing the remote , he turned on the television . " Not saying much . " Rebecca waited , but Jeremy said nothing . " She came up with some lame excuse to miss lunch Thursday , something about some test . " Eric picked that moment to come in the door . Rebecca stood and greeted him , but there was far more nonverbal concern between them than the spoken kind . After that , they went into the kitchen to make dinner . Jeremy simply tried to fade into his own little world . He didn 't need them to be worried about him . He was just fine . He could go on with life as if he had never heard the name Emily Vasquez , and in fact , he would be better off without her . Now , if he could just convince himself of that , things would be great . " Lead us where You would have us go , " Taylor prayed as around him the heads bowed . Emily was praying her own prayer - one about getting these people out of her dorm room before she completely lost it in front of everyone . This was more torture than anyone should be subjected to . " Oh , you 're welcome , " she said brightly . " I 'll see you next week . " She hated the way this was setting up . Everyone was leaving , save for the two she most wanted to get out of her room . They hung there like unwanted shadows . " Yeah , we can stay a few more minutes . " Rebecca dumped the liquid from two glasses in the sink and threw the paper cups away . " So are you really not coming for lunch tomorrow ? " His tone , his question - Emily wasn 't sure what it was , but hate drained through her . She just wanted them to leave . Why was that so hard ? " Look , I appreciate you guys staying to help , but I 'm really shot . I 've got a test to study for tonight , and a paper that 's due next week I haven 't even started on . " The truth was the paper had been written the last three nights when she had nothing else to do , but it was as good of an excuse as any . Suddenly Eric 's presence filled the room as he stood in front of her . There was softness but concern in his eyes . " You know , Em . We 're your friends . If something 's wrong , we want to help . " It wasn 't even hard to bring indifference into her voice . It just showed up there as if it belonged . " Why would there be anything wrong ? Well … " She laughed . " Except for the studying thing , and that can 't be helped . " She ducked past Eric to the door . " But thanks for coming . I 'll see you guys next week . " With the last of her courage she looked at him with sad eyes . " Yeah , it does . " It broke her heart to watch them go , but trying to stay friends with them would only lead to an inevitable run - in with Jeremy . There were so many feelings attached to that thought , it was difficult to even guess which one would take over . So instead of trying to figure it out , she shoved them all back down even as she closed the door . A single sigh escaped her as she shook her head and buried herself once again in the cocoon she had occupied for four years before she met Rebecca . It was safer there - in her cocoon , where guys didn 't pay attention to her and the girls thought that was just as well so she wasn 't competition for them . Yes , alone was much better . It had been almost two weeks since Jeremy had dropped her off and watched her walk out of his life . Nothing about him since that moment had made much sense . He still walked . He still talked . He studied and took tests , but the truth was she had taken so much of him with her , he didn 't know how to be him without her anymore . At weird times he wondered if it had been the same with Gwen , but the truth was that no , this was much different . With Gwen , her leaving had been the end of the fantasy of elegant parties and a fancy , social - upwardly mobile life . A dream , yes , but a dream he wasn 't even sure was his . It had been laid out before him from before he was born , and he had never really questioned it . Eric shook his head . " I think the others are starting to notice . Did you catch how Kara said that about a special intention last night ? She was looking at Emily when she said it . " The sound of her name gripped Jeremy . Why did they have to talk about this here ? They should leave well enough alone . Emily didn 't want to see him . She didn 't want to talk to him . She didn 't want to even be in the same room with him . Why couldn 't they let that go ? He had . That 's when Jeremy 's head cleared enough to understand what they were talking about . He threw the French fry in his fingers to the basket . " She won 't come . " Jeremy 's gaze fell to the table . " She doesn 't want to talk to me , and I don 't blame her . I wouldn 't want to talk to me either . " With a sad sigh , he stood . " I 've got to go . I 'll catch you later . " Jeremy was pretty sure that wasn 't the end of the conversation , but it was the end of it for him . He pushed out into the early March sunshine which was neither warm nor particularly bright . Then ten steps up the sidewalk , he saw her . She was across the way , walking in the other direction quickly . Her arms were around her , her head was down . She never so much as looked up . The glance she made to cross the street was that and only that . The sight of her pulled his own steps into slow motion . Even from this far away , she was beautiful , yes . But she looked unbelievably sad , and when she glanced behind her , he caught the feeling of the unease in her as well . She looked huddled into her own little shell of misery and sadness . With everything in him , Jeremy wanted to cross the street , cross the campus , go to her , and tell her what a jerk he had been . Apologizing had never felt like such a good option . But then he remembered that it wasn 't one night he 'd be apologizing for - it was his whole stinking life , his very self . The truth was she didn 't need him , and he didn 't deserve her . One shake of his head and he angled his gaze back to his path . Emily Vasquez had been a nice distraction , but it was time to get back to real life - the life he had come here to live . The only problem was , he no longer wanted the life he had been working so hard to get . Worse , he had no idea what the life he really wanted looked like now . If he backed out now , his father would think him lazy or crazy or both . Even as he looked , he could see no viable alternatives to the plan set out before him . If he wasn 't in banking , what would he do ? The thought of her swept over him , and the pang in his heart said it really didn 't matter . Without her , whatever life he managed to scrape together would be empty and meaningless anyway . Yep , that pretty much described everything about him - empty and meaningless . Force of habit and not much more than that had Emily sitting in the little church , three rows back on Sunday morning . Her life had become a bleak plateau of making it to the next minute just to make it to the next . She shifted in the seat . It was hard and uncomfortable like everything else in her life . By next week she would be home in Colorado again . Spring Break . Her last one . Her thoughts slid to the next year and where she would be then . By then she would have her degree and presumably her job . However , thoughts of Remlin and all it entailed threatened to yank her into their melancholy , so she pushed them aside and focused on the priest in front . He was about middle - age with a small spate of hair around the rim of his head . In his robes he looked holier even than he did in the black outfit he wore when he 'd showed up for Sunday school the week before . Emily anchored her attention to him and let out a breath . She was here . She might as well listen . " Many people ask , ' What is the meaning of life ? Why are we here ? ' The Gospel today points to two answers to that age - old question . The first answer is very clear . In fact , it is encapsulated in Christ 's admonition to the disciples . ' The first commandment is love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul , and the second is likened to it , love your neighbor as yourself . " Look carefully . There are three commandments there , not just two . " He held up one finger . " Love the Lord your God . " He put up a second finger . " Love your neighbor . " And then a third finger . " And love yourself . " Jesus knew that you cannot know how to fully love your neighbor until you fully love yourself . " He gripped both sides of the lectern . " That means learning to forgive yourself , to be gentle with yourself , and to take God 's opinion of you over the opinions of all others . What is God 's opinion of you ? " You were made in His likeness . Therefore , in effect , you are like God . You are a part of God , and God does not hate Himself . God is love , and so it follows that you are love . You have been sent here as an emissary of God to bring His light to this world . That is your purpose - to bring His love to your world . " But understand that you cannot do that unless you believe you are love . You cannot do that if you are wallowing in fear , if you are marinating in grief , if you are held hostage by guilt . Those things hold you back from love . They cover the love with darkness until we believe the darkness is real . " That understanding leads us to the other purpose we were sent here . To heal . There are wounds in each one of us that go deep , deep into who we are . We have been told thousands of times in thousands of ways - you are not worthy of God 's love . You are not worth anyone 's love . We have become convinced that we are not enough just as we are , and so we hide our light . We hide ourselves . We hide who God made us to be . " We hide behind how much money we make , the kind of car we drive , the kind of job we have , our education , even our niceness . Sometimes we hide in the service we do for God thinking , ' If I do all of this , maybe I 'll make them believe that 's who I really am . ' But like everything else Satan serves up , this is a lie too . It is a lie meant to keep us from stepping into God 's plan for our lives . It is a lie meant to keep us so focused on hiding that we never so much as consider healing . " He paused as his gaze swept the crowd . " God 's plan for us , the purpose of our lives is to love and to heal . To love God , to love others , and to love ourselves enough to dig into those things that are keeping us from being the light to others , bringing them out into the light , and letting them go so we can heal . That 's what God wants from us - more than our service , more than our pious pronunciations of prayers , more than any self - seeking holiness meant to cover what we really believe about ourselves . " He wants to heal us , and as we take Him into us , He will . As we surrender our deepest selves , our deepest hurts to Him , He will . As we courageously go to Him and tell Him what hurts , He will . And when we are healed , then we can take the glorious good news of our healing to others . We can be gentle with them , remembering the pain of our own hurt and how God was gentle with us . " The real truth is that God can be trusted with our pain , with our anger - even if we are angry with Him , tell Him that . Tell Him all of it , get it out , relinquish your hold on it so that He can take over . When He does , when His resurrection becomes your resurrection , the three great commandments will be handled , for you will love the Lord your God will all your heart and soul , and you will be able to love your neighbor as you love yourself . " He took a small breath . " Amen . " Emily was still reeling from the sermon when she got to Sunday school . She was early simply because she couldn 't take being in the quiet of her room one more minute . On the floor she swung the black bag and pulled out the book she had been trying to read for a month . Every time she started , either she just read words or something jumped in to distract her . Healing comes only from God Himself . It is a product of His grace . God does not withhold healing from anyone . It is us who withhold it from ourselves . We withhold it from ourselves because we have come to agree with the lie that we are somehow less than what we are . We believe we are merely human because we have forgotten that we come from the Divine . Through life 's circumstances , our deepest understanding of ourselves comes to be that we are empty . We can put a smiley face on that . We can go to church , lead the choir , order the hymnbooks , tithe , clean the church , evangelize , and break open the Word , and still never truly get plugged in to our True Source . You see , God doesn 't need you . He made the Heavens and the earth without you . He said , ' Let there be ' and there was without your help . God doesn 't need you to do anything for Him . All God wants is for you to let Him love you . That 's why you were born . That 's why He breathed life into you , so He would have somebody to love . And now here you are , believing you are not worthy of His love , trying to do it all yourself , keeping yourself from being healed by Him because your stuff is too big even for God to handle . How arrogant is that ? The truth is , you do not have to be empty . Even if you are empty now , you do not have to stay empty . All you have to do is say , " Lord , I 'm willing to be filled up by You . " Tears blurred across Emily 's eyes as she reread that sentence . Then slowly she said it out loud . " Lord , I am willing to be filled up by You . " She exhaled and closed her eyes . " Lord , I am willing to be filled up by You . " The breaths became less urgent and more peaceful . " Lord , I am willing to be filled up by You . Come and fill me . Come and fill me . " When she opened her eyes , her gaze snagged on the puzzle across the room . The colors seemed to glow from the inside . She smiled and then dropped her gaze back to the words . When you do that , when you surrender your emptiness to His in - filling , you have just opened yourself to a miracle - the miracle of God 's mercy and grace . Trust God enough to be honest with Him about how empty you feel . Then ask for His miraculous mercy and grace to fill your life . Let it engulf your life , breathe it into your life , surrender to it , trust it , and life will never be the same again . " Hey , miss , " the voice behind her startled her from her reading , and Emily swung around . Matt 's face fell with concern when he saw the tears on her cheeks . " Ah , miss . Are you sad ? " She smiled as gratefulness cracked through her . " No , Matt . I 'm really , really happy . " She wiped her eyes with her sleeve . " God is so awesome , do you know that ? " Emily didn 't blame her friend . She hadn 't been much of a friend recently , but that was going to change . " Hey , Becca ! Wait up ! " Rebecca turned on the sidewalk , and surprise split through her face . She watched Emily 's every step until they were side - by - side . Then confusion and hurt slid over Rebecca 's face . " I 'm sorry I would 've waited for you . I just … " Gracefully Emily held up a hand . " No need to apologize . I haven 't exactly been around recently . " She took a breath to settle her decision . " But that 's going to change . Look , I 'm sorry for the way I 've been acting . It wasn 't fair to any of you . " At the door , Rebecca swung it open , and Emily stepped into the Student Union Building . However , her courage failed her when her gaze pulled itself to him , and she had to hug her books to her chest to get enough courage to keep walking . He was talking to Eric at their normal table , and all she could see was his profile . However , it skidded across her heart as if she had gotten the full effect of his gorgeousness head - on . Her knees wobbled , and as she approached the table , she swallowed once and forced the air into her lungs . Her head swam , tilting her equilibrium dangerously . Rebecca walked around the table to kiss Eric , but the second Eric looked up , his gaze was only on Emily . Heart , body , and soul Emily froze to the spot . His eyes sad and questioning snagged on hers , and although she tried to smile , it hardly made it past the guilt . " Hi , Jeremy . " " H - hi . " The chip in his fingers dropped back to the plate , and mesmerized , he stared at her . " I 'm … hi . " She couldn 't move . Even thinking had stopped . She wanted to say something , to explain , to send out enough love to squelch the hurt in his deep brown eyes . The hurt and pain she had caused was there , all the way to the depths of his being , and he didn 't even try to hide it . " Oh … yeah . " With valiant effort , Emily nodded . She dropped her gaze from his trying to get her wits back ; however , any sane thought had long since abandoned her . Out of habit she started to put her books down , but then she stopped . They hadn 't exactly asked her to join them . Maybe she wasn 't even welcome . " Umm , may I ? " The question jolted Jeremy back into reality . " Oh , uh . Yeah . Sure . " He quickly moved his own books so she would have a seat . Then without looking at her , he took her books and stacked them with his . Something about that simple gesture ripped through her heart . " We 'll be right back , " Rebecca said . She grabbed Emily by the arm and pulled her toward the counter . " Don 't miss us too much . " Jeremy was sure that he looked like an absolute idiot . He knew his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were bulging , but in truth , there was nothing he could do about either . The shock of seeing her again , of being close enough to touch her had blown all of his socially acceptable behavior circuits . Reeling would 've been a good word for it . Even after they left the table , his gaze followed her . Somehow he had convinced himself he didn 't really miss her , that life was no different without her in it . But with one , single appearance , she had exploded that theory into a bajillion pieces . In self - defense Jeremy shook himself out of the stupor . He picked up a chip and bit into it . " Sure . Why wouldn 't I be ? " The concern on his friend 's face deepened . " I don 't want you to go off the deep end again . You just got to the point of ungluing yourself from that television . " Jeremy laughed although he was sure it convinced neither of them . " I 'm fine . " He shrugged . " She 's just a girl . It 's not like we were getting married or anything . " The words yanked him to a halt , and he had to breathe through them . The girls picked that moment to step back up . Next to him , Emily sat . She was in a sea green straight skirt topped with an aqua knit top . She didn 't look wholly comfortable , but she was obviously trying . Spring Break . Jeremy had been dreading it for months . He was due to fly out the next morning at ten so he could be in Denver for a meeting with his dad 's company at four - thirty . Nothing in him wanted to make that trip . " Not much , " Emily said , and the gentleness of her voice drew his full attention to her . It was so calming to just be in her presence , he wondered how he had ever convinced himself otherwise . " I 'm headed out tomorrow night to Remlin . I 've got a stopover in Chicago of like two hours that I 'm not looking forward to , but besides that , it shouldn 't be too bad . " She laughed , and the sound floated through Jeremy . He loved that laugh . He loved everything about her . What had he done ? What had he been thinking to mess things up with her ? " So am I . " It was hard to think with him so close , but Emily forced herself to remember the messages that had brought her this far . Let God heal you , and love others to the best of your ability . She was determined to do both . Still she held her books in a death grip just in case things got too close . Jeremy tried to smile , but it looked more like a grimace . " Eric and Rebecca have been really worried about … everything . I think they thought you 'd never come back . " " No . " The word was barely a whisper . She managed to get her gaze over to his only with the Holy Spirit 's help . " I came back because you are all my friends , and shutting you out was not healing me or loving you guys . " At the sidewalk they stopped . Emily wasn 't sure she would be able to say the words , but she needed to just so he would know . " Look , I 'm really sorry . About everything . " She exhaled . " I guess I wasn 't what you thought I was . " She shook her head sadly . " I 'm not like those other girls . I 'm not society page material , and well , there are a lot of things about me … Things that I wish were different , but they just aren 't . " " That doesn 't mean we can 't be friends . I mean , I 'm smart enough to know that this … " She waved her hand between the two of them . " … whatever it was between us could never really work . And I 'm okay with that . " She smiled at him . " We 're just too different , and that 's not bad . It 's just reality . " The smile that came from her heart held only sadness . " But we can still be friends , right ? Because I don 't want to lose you as a friend . " Staci Stallings shares her heart for God with her novels , articles , and conversations . She loves making new friends , writing , and playing piano and guitar . View all posts by Staci Stallings → This entry was posted in A Little Piece of Heaven , Novels and tagged A Little Piece of Heaven , Christian Romance , YA . Bookmark the permalink . ← A Little Piece of Heaven , Ch . 17 & 18 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
Sorry for the delay , I 've been pretty busy with summer so far . I 'll try and get another part up for the weekend . Thanks . I reopened my eyes to see the sun shining into my room through the blinds covering the windows . We were no longer sitting up against the headboard , but laying in my bed . Although it 's not as large as the one in Dalton 's house , it still did its job of allowing us to sleep together . He was laying with his butt and back against the wall , and I was resting against his firm body with one of his arms pulling me close to him . My original plan of taking a nap and going to class shortly after was thrown out the window since we fell asleep for the night . The class I missed wasn 't a hard one and I know I can get back on track by getting someone 's notes for the day . I 'm a quick learner , so I 'm not worried . As I pulled away from Dalton to stretch my arms and legs , I quickly glanced at the clock and jumped out of bed . Economics starts at ten , and it is already nine fifteen which left very little time to get ready and head out the door . I ran to the bathroom , grabbed my tooth brush and started brushing my teeth . When I was done , I hopped in the shower quick , got a thin lather of soap on my body , washed my hair , and jumped out . It had to be one of the quickest showers I 've ever taken so far . I came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and saw Dalton was still sleeping . He was now on his back in the middle of the bed , completely naked . I wanted to just watch him sleep , watch his chest raise slightly then watch it fall back down , look at his powerful muscles just resting peacefully . But I couldn 't , we had to be at class in half an hour . I moved over to the bed , straddling his waist and chocked on his chest . I guess he was awake all along because he smirked when I called him a fat ass . He grabbed hold of my wrists and with one swift motion , flipped me on my back on the bed and was now straddling me , all while butt naked . " Can you stop calling my ass fat ; we all know it 's huge . " He joked . " We don 't have time to be doing this right now . " I tried breaking free of his grip but my effort was to no avail . " We have to get to class and my alarm didn 't go off . " He got off of me and headed to the bathroom . I heard the shower go on and the door slide open and close as I went to the closet to get clothes . Today was one of those days where the temperature only hit sixty and was cloudy , so a hoodie and jeans were what I was looking for . I picked a dark pair of straight leg jeans , a pair of black briefs and a navy sweatshirt to wear . By the time I had my underwear and jeans on , Dalton was done showering and was already brushing his teeth . When I went in to the bathroom to do my hair , he was still standing naked in front of the mirror . " You 've seen me naked a few times now , and I 've seen you naked , so why bother . " He spit out the toothpaste in his mouth . " It 's not like we don 't know what each other has . " " Thanks . " I blushed . " Now can you please hurry up so Professor Huckins doesn 't kill both of us . " " Do you have something I can wear , I 'm not wearing sweaty gym clothes from yesterday . Unless you want to flaunt me around naked . " " You 'd never walk around campus completely naked . " " I 'll find something for you to wear . " I left the bathroom and headed to closet to find Dalton an outfit to wear . Normally , lending a friend some clothes wouldn 't be a problem , but because he 's much bigger than me , it was going to be a challenge . " Can you lend me some underwear too ? " " That be an interesting sight . " I smirked . I grabbed a black pair of boxer briefs that I had and tossed them to him . He slipped them on and looked like they fit , but were a little snug . He shoved his hand down the front and repositioned himself so he was comfortable . He knew I was watching him so he turned around slowly to tease me . His butt looked even bigger in my underwear since the fabric was clinging to each of his cheeks , as well as the valley between the mountain of muscles he calls an ass . I was becoming horny once again but restrained myself from looking , and went back to finding clothes for him to wear . I got a pair of jeans from a hanger that I thought would fit him as well as a sweatshirt and a wife beater tank top and handed them to him . He overlooked what I selected him and nodded in approval before he tried them on . The jeans fit tightly , but looked like he was wearing his little brother 's jeans since they only came to his ankles . He pulled them down so they were sitting on his butt , which now brought them below his ankles . He pulled the tank top over his head which clung to each of his sculpted abs as well as his chest . " I like the jeans , they 're really soft . Where 'd you get them ? " " Abercrombie and Fitch . " I pulled my shoes on . " They 're a little pricey , but in my opinion , I think they 're worth it . " " I think we need to take a trip to the mall so I can get me a few pair . " He pulled the sweatshirt on . " And maybe some tops from the store as well . " " You 're a ten , like always . " He bent over though which revealed his whole ass . " Just don 't bend over in front of Professor Huckins and you 'll be fine . " " Thanks , Dad . " I punched him jokingly as I took it from his hands . " No problem , kiddo . " He punched me harder . We walked down the long hallway fooling around , not sexually but jokingly . I would bump into him with my shoulder which would only make him lose his balance for a short second , and he followed by bumping into me , which pushed me to the other side of the hallway . We both laughed each time he did that . When we reached the parking lot , I saw that Dalton drove here yesterday and that 's why he unset my alarm . Driving to class only took ten minutes tops , while walking could take you upwards of half an hour . We got into the car , drove to the Business section of the campus , and headed to class . When we walked into class , Professor Huckins was reading the paper at his desk since class hadn 't started . He looked up briefly , acknowledging us , and went back to reading . We took our usual seats in the first row of desks , next to each other . Professor Huckins soon started class by handing our tests back . He went around the room , placing everyone 's test on their desk upside down to allow each person privacy . There were many sighs of relief as people looked at their tests as well as sighs of sadness due to a poor grade . He placed my test on the desk face up . I got an " A " on it . He then walked over to Dalton and held his test before him . " How 'd you think you did , Mr . Garcia ? " He placed the test on the desk face up again before walking to the blackboard to write today 's notes . Dalton had gotten a " B - " on this test , and by the look of his face , he was completely in shock . He put his hand palm up on the table and I put mine onto of his , palm down . He squeezed it tightly and shook it as a smile erupted upon his face . " See what a little studying can do ? " Class came to an end rather quickly , yet I still had three full pages , front and back , of notes . Dalton usually had much less copied down than I did by the end of class , but I make him recopy mine so he has them . He doesn 't really like it , but it sure does help . We got our things together , said a quick goodbye to Professor Huckins and left the room . Today was now Thursday and Economics is the only class I have on these days . Dalton is also free after Economics on Thursdays , so we planned to spend time together as friends but not lovers . We walked around awhile just talking until we reached his car . He started it up and pulled out of the parking lot away from my dorm room " He kind of knows that you 're gay … " I waited for him to yell at me , telling me I should of kept my mouth shut . Or that I had no right telling him about us , but it never came . He just sighed and leaned back in his seat . " I think he always thought I was gay . " " He did , he told me . " There was an awkward silence . " Are you mad at me , Dalton . If you are , I 'm totally fine with it . It wasn 't my time or place to talk to him ; you should have been given the chance to tell him yourself . He approached me when I was sitting under a tree and told me he saw you grab my crotch . I tried to think of a way to make it look not as bad , but I couldn 't . I just couldn 't and I truly am sorry . " " He was actually really accepting of it . He told me he loves you like a brother and will always be there if you ever need him . He also told me he would like to become friends with me since me and you are going to be together more often . " " No . " He took his right hand off the steering wheel in search of my left . " I 'm not mad at you ; I 'm just mad I wasn 't there to tell him . " " Well , when you invited me to come to your house , I went to her room and told her all about it . She told me that nothing was going to happen and to find out if you would be interested in her . I 'm actually excited to see her face . " Traffic was moving well on the highway until we got off our exit for New Haven . The road going into the town was packed with traffic on both sides , and we eventually came to a crawl . Dalton made a sharp right turn the first chance he got and went speeding down a side street . He then made the first left off of this road , which ran parallel to the main road that led into the center of town . There were no cars on this side street , but there were stop signs every so often , it still beat sitting in traffic . After another few minutes of driving , we reached our destination , the beach . The waves were gently rolling onto the sandy beach as I looked out of the windshield . When I thought we were going to park , Dalton hopped the curb and drove onto the sand . I 've never been on the beach in a car before and was taken by surprise at first . He pulled a little farther down the beach before he turned the car around so the trunk was facing the water . He put the car in park , turned it off and got out of the car waiting for me to follow . The temperature was probably five to ten degrees cooler here than it was on campus . Even though I had a sweatshirt and jeans on , I was still cold . Dalton opened the trunk of the car and sat down in it , patting the rug next to him for me to sit . I sat down next to him and he pulled me in close to him , wrapping his left arm around me . My teeth were still chattering as we were sitting there . I guess he heard because he grabbed a blanket out of one of the compartments from the trunk and wrapped it around us . I brought my right arm around his back as I had [ let ] my left one go [ fall ] across his front so I was hugging him . My head was resting under his armpit against his ribs as he pulled me closer with his strong left arm . We just sat there for quite some time , saying nothing , embracing one another . " Can you come with me to a party tonight ? " Dalton broke the silence . " I 'm not much of a partier , Dalton . " " Not really , Christian . " He kissed the top of my head . " I don 't trust any of them ; they 're all going to be drunk . " I repositioned my head so I was looking at his face . He brought his lips down slowly to mine and as they touched I melted in his arms . When he kisses me , I always get this sense of protection and affection from him . I feel that he truly cares about me , and that he will do anything in his power to keep me happy and healthy . This is what I 've been looking for . This is what I 've always wanted . This is what I finally have and I plan to never lose it . THANK YOU , Reed , for helping me recall some times when I was Young , " Stupid " , and Happy ! That " College Years " time was far more enjoyable , and more important , than I realized at the time ! Your story is bringing some of that back ! I 'm truly indebted to You for that ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote July 22nd , 2010 , 01 : 49 PM This story is just simply amazing . I luv how u have some sex scenes but also have them acting like a normal couple . I 'm looking forward to the party and seeing if dalton 's friend on the football team gets drunk and says anything about Dalton being gay . And if he does what will Dalton say ? Will he stick up for Christian and confess to his orientation or will he say that jis friend is lying and leave christian heartbroken again ? I 've been a lurker here in the forum section for a long time now , and this story is so great , it pushed me to to make an account , and finally comment ! Thank you for writing this story . Reply With Quote July 24th , 2010 , 03 : 43 PM Hey guys , sorry about the lack of an update , I 've been busy with summer and haven 't had the time to sit down and write . I 'm almost done with a new chapter so expect it sometime tomorrow morning . Thanks for your patience . I felt that build up starting again and shut my eyes tightly as I felt my balls pull close to my body . They started pumping my seed up into my penis all the way to my head , where it burst through to freedom . The sensation was just as great as the first one , probably even stronger than the first one , but not as much sperm came out . You do know how to get a guy really hard and horny . But more important than that , you know how to tell a good story . You take more time building your characters than you do getting them off . Of course , I really enjoyed the way you got them ( and me ) off even if I couldn 't cum that third time . Now I 'm all caught up with your story and ready to go to the party . Im loving your story man . Im really glad that HR got me to read it . I was talking to him the other night and he said that it is a really good story , so i decided that i would give it a try . I read it non stop until the last chapter . You should take Hardreader and Tim 's messages to heart . They are two of the best writers here on Jub and you certainly seem to be joining their ranks . I love your story and hope you will add onto it pretty soon . Hey guys , sorry to keep you lost in the dark with the story and when an update was going to be posted . Summer has been pretty busy for me and I just haven 't had the time or the effort to sit down and write a new chapter . Sorry it took so long but it 's finally here . We were able to spend a few hours at the beach just sitting there until people started to show up walking along the shoreline . Dalton took the blanket off us , put it back in the storage compartment and hopped out of the trunk heading for the front seat . I followed suit by getting in the passenger seat as Dalton pressed one of the many overhead buttons , closing the lift gate behind us . With that , we left he beach and headed back to the real world of school . We arrived back at school in roughly the same amount of time it took us to arrive at the beach . Maybe it went a little quicker since there were no cops on the road heading to school , causing everyone to obey the speed limit . The sun was beginning to set , filling the sky with a variety of oranges and pinks as it passed through the clouds and trees . " I 'll be back as soon as I shower and get ready , " he said as he went through his inbox quickly . " How long do you think that will take ? " " I think I 'm going to take a short nap ; then I 'll be ready by the time you show up . " Thanks again for agreeing to go with me . " He rested his right hand on my thigh . " Yeah , just don 't make a complete fool out of yourself . " Back in my room , as soon as the door closed to the outside world I stripped myself of the sweatshirt and jeans so I was in just my boxers . I laid in my bed so my face was pressed against the pillow Dalton had used the night before , and I could still smell his scent on it . I inhaled it through my nose as I replayed what he just said to me in the car . I never asked Dalton to show me affection in public because that would risk our secret . Yeah , the campus knows that I 'm gay and people have been seeing us around with each other a lot , but it 's only because I 'm tutoring him . I 'm the smart kid that walks around with books in my arms , while Dalton is the big solid jock with his backpack slung over one shoulder full of workout gear . I wasn 't afraid that people would think that he 's gay because it just wouldn 't make sense , and I 'm pretty sure he knows this as well . What I am worried about though is that if he keeps kissing me or grabbing me , someone will eventually see . Then he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me which was due to a little peck on the cheek . The thoughts of him just using me occasionally popped into my head because he could have some gay jock instead of me . Again , I wasn 't worried about this but the thoughts were still there . When he told me he wasn 't going to stop loving me though , I think that finally pushed all of them away completely . He truly cares about me and isn 't putting up with me just to get sexual gratification out of it . With my mind at ease and Dalton 's scent still on my pillow , I closed my eyes thinking of him . I woke up a little while later due to a large mass sitting on my back . I brought my head off the pillow but didn 't open my eyes because just by the scent I knew it was Dalton . I dropped my head back into the pillow with my eyes still closed and sighed as his weight was pushing me hard into the bed . " I thought you were going to be ready by the time I got back here , " he said as he rubbed his strong hands against my back . " What time is it ? " I mumHe repositioned himself so his torso was facing my butt . I felt his hands rest on each side of my boxers as he brought them down slowly to my ankles . He took them off and threw them in the corner of my room where all the dirty clothes usually wind up . " Get up , Christian . " " Oh really ? " He slapped my ass hard . " OW ! You fat ass , I 'm getting up . " He smacked it again . " I told you I 'm getting up ! " He got off me , and to my surprise , grabbed me around the torso in his massive arms . He had no problem lifting me up and often did it like he was lifting a small doll . He got me out of the bed , into the bathroom and set me sitting on the counter . I was still asleep from my nap and was rubbing my eyes when I heard the shower go on . Before I could say anything , he grabbed me again , put me in the shower under the cold water , and closed the door . " AH ! It 's freezing ! " I grabbed the hot water knob and turned it all the way on . " Yes . " I snapped at him . I just stood under the water as it came out of the showerhead and pounding against my body . It was nice and hot now with steam filling the bathroom completely , just how I like to take my shower . I washed my hair first , which didn 't take much time at all . I moved down to my face then arms and so on until I reached my feet . I steeped under the spray of water from the nozzle and let the gentle soap suds run off my body into the drain between my feet . In no time , I was clean and smelled good . As I opened the shower door , Dalton had his arm extended towards me with a clean fluffy towel in his hand . I took it from him and dried my hair and body quickly before I wrapped it around my waist . I opened the door to my bedroom to allow the steam escape the small bathroom and so the mirror became defogged . Dalton was still sitting on the counter next to me going through his phone typing away on his keyboard as I was brushing my teeth . When I spit the last of the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror , my eyes locked on to his neck . Coming up from the collar of his shirt looked to be another tattoo that I had never noticed before . It looked to be the top of a cross and was probably the size of one of the pink squared erasers you have in school . " When 'd you get that ? " " I got it a few days ago . " He pulled the polo shirt over his head to reveal this new addition to his body . " It 's a cross with an Italian flag draped on the right side and the Spanish flag draped on the left , and they meet in the middle . It has meaning , Christian . It 's not like I did it for no apparent reason . " " Because you didn 't take me with you . " I snapped back . " Well , I didn 't know if you 'd be supportive of me , so I didn 't bother asking . " " You 'll just have to wait and find out on your own . " He pulled his polo back over his head and hopped off the counter . " Now get dressed ; the party already started . " We left the bathroom and as I went digging through the closet Dalton sat down on my bed . I quickly found a pair of dark denim jeans and threw them at him to hold . I went back into the closet in search of a shirt to wear . I didn 't want to wear the same color as him , so I grabbed a simple gray polo off a hanger and threw that at him as well . I got a pair of white boxer briefs , slipped them on first and did the same with the rest of my clothes . When I was completely dressed with my shoes and socks on , I went into the bathroom and gelled my hair up . I put some deodorant on as well as cologne and left the bathroom for good . " Look how cute you are in your cap and gown . " He pointed at a picture resting on my desk . " I didn 't know people could look cute wearing a graduation gown . " " Not many can but you Christian , certainly do . " I felt my cheeks go warm . " Who 's this kid standing next to you ? " " That 's my best friend . " I said as I moved next to him . " His name 's Brice . " " Does he know you 're gay ? " I nodded . " He 's fine with it too ? " I gave him another nod . " He must be a really nice guy than . " " He is . " I wrapped my arms around him grabbing him into a hug . " I 'm sure he 'd be more than happy to meet you . " " Thank you , Babe . " I looked up at him , awaiting a kiss . " No problem . " His lips met mine as he was still holding me . " When did you start calling me ' babe ' anyway ? " " I don 't know . Do you not like it when I call you that ? " " I like it a lot . " He flashed me with one of his warming smiles . " I think we should get going ; we 're already late enough . " The party wasn 't on campus in a school - owned building , but was in a private house a few miles away . Dalton drove us there which meant I would have to be the designated driver back home . This didn 't bother me because I 'm not really a party person , nonetheless a drinker . The house we pulled up to was of a decent size , was constructed of brick and had large white pillars holding a second floor balcony . The house looked old but was still nice . Cars were parked on either side of the street for this party . There was a spot in the home 's driveway which Dalton pulled into behind a red Porsche that I assumed to be the person who was throwing the party . We got out , walked up to the house and entered the party . Music was blasting as we stepped into the house 's foyer filled with people and red cups . The cups were obviously filled with beer , based on the way the guys and girls were walking around . No one in this house was able to walk straight without bumping into another person or a piece of furniture , which resulted in them spilling beer all over each other and the floor . Dalton was getting handshakes left and right from pretty much every guy at this party as we made our way through the crowded house . Every so often I got a pat on the back or a friendly hello from the superficial jocks . Dalton maneuvered his way through the crowded house with me trailing behind him . I 've never liked the concept of parties . Bunch of people show up to someone else 's home while their parents are most likely away , get drunk , hook up with a bunch of people and trash the house . Personally I 'm not a fan of it , but it was for Dalton so I sucked it up and went along with the atmosphere . We reached the dinning room where a flock of guys and the occasional girl grabbing onto a football player were all standing around the large wooden table . At the two heads of the table , a team of two people were standing with six red cups filled with a small amount of beer in front of them . They also had ping pong balls in their hands taking turns try " Who invited the fag ! " The larger guy demanded . Most of the people at the party ignored the remark except for a selected few who heard his powerful voice over the roar of the music . The term fag really didn 't affect me anymore since I survived four years in high school ; it really didn 't bother me . What did bother me though , is that this guy was a complete stranger I had never met before , thought he could talk to me like this . " First off , I was invited here so it 's not like I 'm not welcomed . " He looked to be in shock . " Second of all , I don 't appreciate you using the term ' fag ' the way you do . So if you don 't mind , can you get out of my way and not cause a bigger scene than you have already created ? " Normally I would ignore people like this , but the fact that everyone else at this party didn 't care that I was there and these two did just bothered me . Again , I tried to walk around them , yet my attempt was still to no avail . " I 'm not going to have some little faggot disrespect me ! " He grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me to the tips of my toes . Right then and there , I thought I was going to get my head bashed in . I saw images of myself getting beat over and over again by this guy and his friend . Images of blood , missing teeth , and pain ; images I was not looking forward to at all . I saw the smaller guy off to the right of us back up a few steps and the look on his face represented one of a ghost sighting . " Put him down . " I didn 't have to turn around to know whose voice it was . " Why should I ? " " Well it 's not your party nor your decision of whether he stays or goes . " Dalton stepped closer to the guy to the point of where I could feel him pressing against my back . " Now don 't make me ask a third time , put him down . " The collar of my shirt was slowly and reluctantly released from his grip . The guy never lost eye contact with Dalton , which if you ask me is pretty stupid . Not to brag or anything , but if you were to mess with Dalton , you 'd end up hurt and bleeding . To add onto his huge stature and muscles , the entire football team was here to back Dalton up if he needed it . It wasn 't the time nor place for this basketball player to act tough in front of us . When I was finally free of his grip , he pushed me forward into Dalton . It didn 't bother me but it pissed Dalton off royally . Before I could do anything , he had the guy by the neck and pushed firmly against the wall with his right arm . His feet were a few inches off the floor , kicking frantically in search of the solid ground that was once there . Both of his hands were wrapped around Dalton 's forearm trying to loosen the grip around his neck . But it was to no avail . Dalton drew his left arm back closing his hand into a fist , ready to punch him . But I didn 't want him to . I grabbed his fist in both my hands , and just looked at him . " Dalton . " He still had his eyes locked on this guys . " It 's not worth it . " " Is it really worth it though , Dalton . If you were to hit him first we would all know that it wasn 't self defense . We also know that if you were to hit him , you wouldn 't just hit him once . " " Are you even listening to me ? If you hit him , the fight 's all your fault . You 'd lose your scholarship here , your position on the football team , and you might even be suspended from the school . So tell me , is it really worth it because some douche bag called me a faggot or didn 't treat me right ? " He held onto the guy 's neck for another minute before he let him fall against the wall . The guy slid to the floor holding his neck gasping for air . His face had turned a deep shade of red , and he had beads of sweat on his forehead and cheeks . I believe some of the beads on his cheeks were actually tears due to his bloodshot eyes . " If I ever catch you talking to my friend Christian , giving him shit , or even looking at him , you better run . You better run far and fast because I will hunt you down , and I will hurt you . And to make the terms fair , I 'll even give you a few seconds head start . " " Are you threatening me ? " He managed to spit out . " You bet I am . " Dalton sat on his heels so his face was level with the guy 's on the floor . " And I dare you to tell someone in the administration about this because I 'm sure they 'd love to find out a basketball player was giving a homosexual problems at a party with underage people drinking . " Dalton stood up , fixed his shirt , and wrapped his right arm around my shoulder as we returned to the party . When he did this , the now mute house erupted with applause as people cheered him on . Some guys and girls were even screaming in approval . In no time , the music was blasting again and people were dancing , still holding their red cups like nothing even happened . With his arm still wrapped around me , he walked me into the dinning room where the beer pong tournament was still taking place . The team on the left side of the table still had all their cups while the team on the right was down to their final cup . With one final throw from one of the guys on the left , the other team had lost and now had to drink all six cups of beer that remained . The left team still remained at the table calling out for new opponents . " Can you be my partner ? " " Oh yeah . " He removed his arm from my shoulder and placed his thumb on one side of his chin , while his pointer finger tapped on the other side of it . " What if I drank the cups of beer that you were supposed to drink ? " " Fine . " We moved up to the head of the table with our six cups of beer in front of us arranged in a triangle . Like I said before , I 've never played and was a bit nervous I was going to make a fool out of myself . The other team threw their first ball and it landed in the middle cup of the back row . Dalton shot them a " Come on " look , and they all busted out laughing , as well as myself . Dalton quickly drank the beer in the cup before he moved it out of the way so he could take a shot himself . The game went on like this , them taking a shot and then us taking a shot , for about another five minutes . We were down to two cups when I threw the last ball which landed into the other teams final cup causing us to win . I was actually pretty good at this game , since a majority of the balls I threw went into the cups . Supposedly , the rules of the table were that the winners have to keep going until they lose a match , which resulted in us staying at the table for at least an hour , maybe two . We must have played another six or seven games before we finally lost one and were able to resign . At the end of each of these games , we only had one or two cups left which meant Dalton had to drink four or five cups of beer . You may not think it 's a lot of beer since the cups were only filled about a quarter of the way , but several continuous games with many cups of beer add up after awhile . Dalton was shit - faced by the time we finished in the dinning room . I don 't know what he drank before he came into the living room and freaked out on the guy , but he definitely had to have had something . A guy of his stature shouldn 't be this drunk after a few games of beer pong . I wrapped my right arm around his torso so he had some support to walk with and walked him through the crowd of people to the front door . When we reached the car I opened the passenger door placing Dalton in the seat , making sure his seat belt was buckled before I closed the door . I walked around the car , buckled myself in and headed to my own room . " You know , " I … I fucking love … you . " " How hard , Dalton ? " " I want … I want to make you slam against the headboard ! " Tears were coming from my eyes . " I 'm gonna make you fucking moan , Christian . " I looked over at him while I was still laughing , and he looked like he had passed out . His head was back against the headrest , and his mouth was cracked open a little . I turned the radio off just to make sure he was still breathing , and to my luck , he was . I 've never seen him drunk before , but I liked it . I liked it a lot . " Do you want my dick ! " He scared me because I thought he was still asleep . " Do you want my dick in you ! " " No , not right now . " I laughed again . He passed out against the window again but lasted much longer this time , I actually had to wake him up when I parked the car . When I opened his door , his body gave out due to the lack of support but the seatbelt made sure he was still in the seat . I undid the seatbelt and he slowly stumbled out of the car . When the door was closed , I made sure I locked the car before we headed my room . I 've helped drunk people walk home a few times before , but this was nothing like those . Most of Dalton 's weight was leaning on me for support which made it hard to walk . We almost fell down twice too . Once when I was trying to open the door to the building he leaned back almost taking us down to the hard concrete , and the other was when we were going up the stairs . Despite all the struggle , we eventually made it into my room . I placed Dalton on my bed sitting up against the wall so I could get myself ready for bed . I sped through my normal routine , which consisted of brushing my teeth , washing my face and then changing into a pair of shorts . Dalton must have slid down the wall while I was in the bathroom because he was lying on his left side with his face in the gap between the bed and the wall . I got him to sit up on the edge of the bed so I could strip him of his clothes . I started with his shoes which slipped off since he doesn 't tie them everyday . His socks were next which revealed his feet . I don 't have a foot fetish but he did have nice feet ; they were clean and his toenails were all well manicured . Next was his shirt which required him to lift his arms above his head so the shirt could slide off easily . I actually had to put an arm behind him to give him support so he wouldn 't fall over on the bed . The polo shirt was actually hard to get off since his muscles did a nice job of filling it up . I had to pull the sleeves over his huge biceps before the rest of his shirt could come off . Even though I 've seen Dalton naked before , whenever he took his shirt off I would always juReply With Quote August 24th , 2010 , 02 : 02 PM Reed , this was a marvelous chapter , I can 't wait to see at you do next . Your story is amazing and I love every second reading it . Thanks for the update and can 't wait to see more of your terrific story ! I have been following this story for some time and was equally happy to see an updated chapter as all the others on the thread . You are an extremely talented story teller and author . Following the budding relationship between Christian and Dalton has certainly stirred some fond memories of my college days . Thank you for sharing with us . I look forward with anticipation , along with all your other fans , to future chapters . I 've already used all the superlatives I know to describe the awesome job you are doing with this story . I really liked that the party scene didn 't go as I expected . You are doing an amazing job . You even keep me hard while I read without any sex . Your characters are that real ! WOW ! Such well deserved praises , from HR , no less ! And , I couldn 't agree More ! ! This story , your writing style , the details , perspectives , and the experiences you 're describing , have me " Spell Bound " ! THANK YOU ! ! Keep smilin ' ! ! Chaz WISDOM is the Knowledge you 've gained . . . After you could have used it ! _ Me Reply With Quote August 25th , 2010 , 06 : 15 PM I just read all of the chapters in a couple of hours , and I have to say that I enjoyed them . The fact that you rely on building your characters rather than focusing on the hot steamy sexual encounters is a plus in my book . Its also nice to see that you 've played on them having fooling around , rather than diving right into actual full blown sex . It gives them time to build a relationship and make that moment more special . Kudos to the wonderful story , can 't wait to read the next installment . Reed , ur material is reallly awesome to jerk off to . I need a date for the release of the next chapter . Thx ! Reply With Quote September 3rd , 2010 , 05 : 20 PM Woah , it 's really been awhile since I even looked at this story and my apologies for that . Um , life did a complete 360 and has been a lot to handle so writing hasn 't even crossed my mind whatsoever . I 'm going to try and write through this period of time and see how that goes . If I like the end results , I 'll keep writing but if it 's forced you 'll have to wait it out . The story isn 't dead or done and I 'm sorry it might have to take a break for awhile . Thanks . Sorry for the extremely long delay , I 've just had a lot I had to deal with over the past couple of weeks . I 'm going to be working on the story again , so it 's not dead . Thanks for being patient . There 's nothing like waking up to the lovely sound of someone throwing up in your bathroom at eight in the morning . I sat up in bed as the toilet flushed , and I heard a low grunt from Dalton as he was most likely hugging the toilet . This is another reason why I don 't like drinking because the next day always sucks and you have to walk around like that . I got out of bed and decided to check in on him in case he needed help or something . He wasn 't holding the toilet when I first entered the bathroom , but had his head above throwing up into it . I 'm going to spare you what I saw but I 'm going to tell you it wasn 't a pretty site . I brushed my teeth while he was empting his stomach and opted to shave my face since there was stubble beginning to break through the skin . I also grabbed two fresh towels out of the linen closet leaving them both on the counter before I stripped naked and hopped in the shower . The hot water felt nice on my body as I stepped under the shower head and let my body get wet . I ran my hands over the top of my head flicking back the short hairs as I closed my eyes . Like I 've said before , showering has to be one of my favorite things to do . As I went to get the shampoo bottle , Dalton flushed the toilet one more time before finally standing up . The water temperature really didn 't change since the plumbing was done differently here than it normally is done in a house . I saw him strip off his clothes through the opaque shower door before he slid it open . He flung his right leg back over the tub as he closed the shower door and made his way to the sink . If he was going to kiss me , he was going to have clean teeth and fresh breath . Throw - up breath really isn 't my thing . " Better ? " He asked as he opened the door once more . I stepped back under shower head to rinse the shampoo out of my hair as I heard Dalton close the door and step behind me . He wrapped his strong arms around my small body pressing his chest and abs against my back . It felt nice to have someone this strong hold onto you , knowing they would do anything to protect you from harm . The sense of love and security I got from Dalton had to be the best part of our relationship . I also felt his dick pressed firmly against the top of my butt slowly growing up my back . I guess he was enjoying himself a little too much because he kept growing and growing until he reached his full length . He thrust his hips lightly rubbing the underside of his dick against my back as he was holding me . I couldn 't help but smirk and let out a small laugh . " Thanks , but I 'm going to pass . I don 't think shooting a load would be good with a headache and a slight stomachache . I appreciate it though . " He smiled . He turned me around so my back was facing him and so I was bent over a little . He put his left hand on my stomach holding me close to him as he started washing my shoulders . He worked the bar of soap over my skin intensely pressing firmer in certain spots giving me a small massage . Once he decided my back was cleaned enough he moved down to my ass . He ran the bar of soap over each of my cheeks lightly and removed his hand from my stomach getting a lather on both of his now free hands . Dalton dug his fingers into my ass massaging it roughly causing me to let out a small moan . He worked his way from the outside getting closer and closer to my crack before he finally hit it . He had one finger between my cheeks running up and down passing over my hole lightly as he did this . Each time he hit it , I sucked in a small amount of air which made him chuckle . As he kept doing this , he would press harder and harder which made my dick grow bigger and bigger . I guess he noticed because he stopped teasing my ass as he pushed me under the water washing the soap off before he pulled me close to him once again . His left arm wrapped around my chest with his hand resting over my nipple as his right one found my now rock hard dick . " You don 't have to do this Dalton . " He squeezed the base right away which already caused my knees to feel weak as he held me in his arms . He brought his hand all the way to the tip , but when he reached it [ delete comma ] he would squeeze it and twist , resulting in an intense sensation running through my whole body . He kept doing this until he got a good rhythm going which consisted of a tighter grip and faster strokes . Dalton seriously knew how to work a dick and make its owner feel good since he had me moaning from a simple hand job . I felt his dick go hard again as it was pinned between my back and his rock hard abs . It began to rub back and forth between us as he kept increasing the rhythm on my dick . I cold tell he was trying to hid his moans under his breath as his dick unintentionally got attention because he was making random grunts into my ear . He knew I was getting close and made his hand go faster up and down to get me to my orgasm soon . My balls drew close to my body and I had that tight feeling in my stomach right before you blow your load . Dalton was now thrusting his hips digging his dick into my back since he was close to his orgasm as well . Fine . One final stroke of his hand , and I couldn 't hold my load in any longer and screamed in ecstasy . The first stream of cum shot out hard and fast and actually hit the shower wall in front of me . The next felt just as powerful as the first , but it didn 't reach the wall and went down the drain . By the time I reached the forth stream , I heard Dalton make this low and powerful grunt as he shoved his hips into my back one last time signaling the climax of his orgasm . As the rest of my jizz went into the tub and down the drain , all of Daltons was stuck over his stomach and chest and my back . When we were both done , we just stood there gasping for air as no one said a word . " I guess you have to wash my back again , huh ? " We took turns washing each other from head to toe before we stepped out of the shower . Dalton handed me a towel and took the other one and began drying himself off while I did the same . In no time we were both dry and in the bedroom in search of clothes . Again , Dalton had forgotten to bring clothes with him so I had to lend him a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so he could get back to his room . He gave me a quick peck on the cheek , told me how appreciative he is of me and that he would be back after he got done with some sort of meeting . It was a nice day out , not too hot but not so cold either as when you had to wear layer upon layer just to stay warm . The sun was peaking through the clouds as I looked out the window and the trees were blowing in the wind sending leaves down towards the ground . It was getting close to that time where the trees go bald , the weather continues to drop , and everything just looks gray and depressing . It didn 't bother me though since I liked the cold and snow was good every once in awhile . I threw a sweatshirt on as well and a pair of jeans and headed out the door towards the library . One of the nice things about living on campus is that you can walk to everything . Sure , some buildings are all the way on the other side of the property but its still within walking distance . Another nice thing about it here is the trees along the side of the pathways . They kind of arched over towards the middle and became intertwined as one creating a tunnel of some sort . The leaves ranged from a variety of greens , to yellows and oranges to deep rich reds and even the dead brown ones . Fall had to be one of my favorite seasons of the year just because of the colors . The library was also one of my favorite places on campus due to it 's architectural details and the quietness inside . The outside was built with solid stone that faded and weathered over time and had arched doors and windows . The overall appearance of it was very grandeur . When you step inside of this building , you 're greeted with marble floors and columns , rich dark wood built - ins and shelves and big comfy chairs . The university certainly didn 't skimp when it came to constructing the library . I had no idea where the book I wanted would be so I went to the circular desk in the middle of the entrance and asked the woman sitting in the chair where it would be located . She kindly gave me instructions on where the book would be and even wrote it on a post - it note so I wouldn 't forget . She smiled at me when she was finished and I thanked her before I left . Usually you get " Someone actually showed me where this was , so I lucked out . " We were now standing next to each other . " My name 's Blake by the way . " " Mhm , I know what you 're talking about . " He bent over to the bottom shelf and returned with a book in his hand . " I believe this is the one you 're looking for . " We walked out of the aisle of books together in search of the front desk . We were close enough to one another that I was able to notice his scent . He wore cologne but not a lot of it where it 's overpowering to other people . It had more of a sweet soothing scent rather than a bold powerful one which I preferred on a guy . We made basic small talk to one another during the walk to the desk . I found out that he 's a junior here , studying medicine , his dad 's a doctor and that he 's on the swim team here and has been for all three years so far . " Why do you ask that ? " I snapped back at him . " Well , I 've seen you two around campus a lot and I figured since you 're gay and spending a good amount of time with him that you two could possibly be together . " He seemed like a nice guy who wouldn 't go around telling everyone our business , but then again I had just met him . He could be a complete tool around his friends and think it 's funny to tell them Dalton , the star quarterback , was gay and dating a guy . I was already told by Dalton not to tell anyone until he 's ready to come out so I decided to listen to him and not say anything . " The reason why I ask is because I 'm pretty sure I 'm … " He couldn 't finish the sentence . " Gay ? " " I don 't think I 'm completely gay . I mean , I still have intentions to do things with girls and eventually start a family but have thoughts of other guys at the same time . It 's just really confusing and I wanted a person to talk to about it , that 's all . " " I don 't mean to cut you off but , if you 're free later why don 't you stop by my dorm . " I said as I wrote down what building and room I 'm in on a piece of paper . " You can ask all the questions you want , and I know I 'll try my best to answer them . I can 't speak for Dalton , though . " " Yeah , I thought that too . " We both laughed . " Once you get to know him , you 'll see he 's an extremely caring guy who just has a lot going on internally . He 's just misunderstood by a lot of people . " We finally reached the front desk , checked our books out , said goodbye and went our separate ways . The fact that two people asked about Dalton being gay or my boyfriend started to make me wonder if a lot more people noticed these things too . It is his decision on when to come out , but if he keeps waiting I feel its going to spread around as a rumor before he gets the chance to tell people himself . I decided to take the long way back to my dorm to enjoy the weather while it lasted . The clouds disappeared completely , revealing the crisp blue sky and the bright sun that I was longing to see . Add a soft cool breeze , the changing colors of the leaves , and the birds chirping in addition to the sky , it turned out to be a beautiful day out and I loved it . I 'm not one for nature since I live in the city , but the simple things like the colors of the trees and the quietness of the campus made me extremely happy . Don 't get me wrong , I love living in the city due to the convenience of everything and the busy lifestyle , but the simple things up here were really making me like the suburbs more and more . I got so lost in my head as I walked down the pathway embracing my surroundings that I didn 't notice a group of guys were walking behind me until they got right behind me . I thought that they were going to pass around me since I was walking too slow but they didn 't do that ; they kept following me until we came up to a small vacant courtyard . I felt a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders causing me to come to an abrupt stop as the other two guys walked in front of me . When I thought it couldn 't get any worse , I saw the two guys faces and knew I was in for trouble . The guy on the left was the same guy who gave me trouble at the party yesterday . He had this smirk on his face that sent a cold shiver throughout my entire body . The guy on the right was one of his friends he had with him yesterday , again looking like he didn 't want to be here . I didn 't see the guy who was holding my arms behind my back but I 'm positive " It … it hurts Marc . " I managed to spit out . " You 're going to be fine , bud . They 're not going to hurt you . " I hear footsteps approaching as they pounded into the pavement at a quick rate . As they got closer and closer and eventually stopped right next to me , again causing me to get into a ball for protection . I was waiting for more pain to come , or for Marc to start fighting him but it never happened . He just stood there panting as I had my eyes closed , scared until I heard his voice . " What happened ? " His voice was shaky . " I don 't know . I was heading back to my room when I heard someone scream so I followed it here and found him on the floor covered in blood knocked out . " He ran off in the other direction as I attempted to scream out no , but couldn 't manage to form words . Marc started walking at a fast pace back towards the athletic building trying not to bounce me much . We were just passing the library when everything went black again . So good to see you 're back . I guess you finally decided how to handle the sex / no sex question in this chapter . Well , I enjoyed it and thought it fit fine into the telling . You do a really good job writing this . |
I own none of the fandoms for which I am making fics of . They belong to those who created and published them . I am just playing with them . Title : The Defiant Ones Author : rivermoon1970 Fandom : Criminal Minds Artist : blythechild , the art above is an original work and is owned and copyrighted to blythechild . Do not download or share said work . For the rest of the art for this story please click on the name and it will re - direct you to the page . " Want me to watch Henry ? " Spencer asked . He 'd overheard JJ talking to Garcia about it . Garcia had looked like she wanted to offer , but she hadn 't before JJ had left the little kitchenette area . Spencer was glad that no one was really looking at him at the moment . JJ was looking at Garcia and vice versa . Spencer wanted to blow up , but this wasn 't the place for it . He wondered exactly how the other Spencer took this kind of doubt of him on a personal level . The team didn 't doubt him when it came to work , as long as it wasn 't something physical , but this … deep disrespect of him on a personal level had to hurt him . If it wasn 't for what he had been able to gleen from some of the personal things that he had found , he would have thought that the other Spencer didn 't have a spine at all . He didn 't know why he didn 't stand up for himself around the team , but he wasn 't going to do that . He couldn 't . His Aaron hadn 't made him that way and there was no way that the other Spencer was going to come back from his time with his Aaron and not be changed . " Am I not allowed to have Henry for a whole weekend ? " Spencer asked Garcia . She looked at him a little shocked and her eyes went to above Spencer 's shoulder . He wondered who had entered the bullpen then . " The Belvedere thing was a joke , " Spencer said . Aaron had talked to him about that and the whole thing with watching Henry . " Will picked him up from my place just before I went to watch Hotch do the triathlon . We had a fun night together . " " Yeah , but he was sleeping most of the time . " Garcia seemed to laugh off anything that Spencer would say back . " That 's not really caring for him . You are going to have to help him dress and feed him . " " I know what caring for a child entails , Garcia . " Spencer really wanted to be anywhere but where he was . Back home with her in his room was the best option . He 'd probably gag her because even the thought of her voice was giving him a headache . " Because what ? How has your life been any different than mine ? You don 't have kids . You don 't have a sibling with children that you are around on a daily basis . Jack and Henry are the only kids that any of this teams has , and Jack 's contact with any of us has never been on a babysitting basis . You were in foster care , yes but you 've stated you never had to care for younger kids . How is forcing a toddler to get dressed worse than forcing my mother ? I at least have some form of training on caring for another human being . Did you forget that my father left when I was ten and I was the sole caregiver for a paranoid schizophrenic mother for eight years ? " Spencer stared at Garcia , watching as her face kind of blanked on him . He just stared at her and smiled as she turned and left without a single word . JJ kissed Spencer 's cheek , rubbing at what he assumed was lipstick . He 'd had to get used to that because it wasn 't something that his JJ would ever even think of doing . He wasn 't sure if he liked it or not . " No , we can drop him off . That 's no problem . We will have plenty of time as I packed last night and put up all the stuff I needed to get ready for work today back in my suitcase when I was done . " " And a list of shows that he likes to watch ? " Spencer asked . His Jack 's taste in shows changed nearly every single six months when he was that age and he 'd looked at one for kid 's show that matched Henry 's age . " Sure . I 'll write that down . Thank you so much , Spencer . " JJ moved back towards her desk and she started to work on a file . Spencer turned back to his , figuring that he needed to clear his desk so that he wouldn 't be tempted to take them with him . He wanted the weekend to get to know Henry . He 'd been exposed to him in social settings , but that was it . He was more than willing to admit to himself that he was getting baby fever as it was called . Being around a younger Jack and even younger Henry made him miss the younger days of his Jack 's life . Aaron didn 't deny him anything , and if he wanted another kid , he knew that Aaron would give it to him . There was the social benefit of it as well . They 'd be hits with everyone for taking in a kid from foster care . If their fairytale romance could get bigger with the news that would be it at least until they finally gave into societal pressure and got married . " Pretty Boy ! " Morgan said when there was just twenty minutes left in the work day . Spencer had already finished his files and had taken a few from JJ . He looked up at the dark skinned man as he got close . He was a little worried that Garcia had run to him and cried in his lap and Morgan was there to ' straighten ' him out . " Anderson said that you are voluntarily watching a toddler this weekend ? " Spencer turned to look at the man in question , who ducked his head and buried himself in paperwork . Spencer kept his laugh to himself that man hadn 't changed no matter what . He was good at his job , but his mouth would ruin him . " Don 't forget that Hotch is the one to call when you get stuck . " Morgan 's smile was huge on his face and he was laughing at his own joke way too much . " He 's the actual parent on the team . " " I have more than enough knowledge and experience caring for a toddler Morgan . More than you . " Spencer closed the file in front of him and slid it into his outbox . It was the last one . He grabbed his messenger bag and stood . He affixed his gun back to his belt where he 'd taken it off and slipped it in a drawer after lunch . He strode up to Aaron 's office and didn 't even wait for him to acknowledge him , he knocked and entered the room . " I 'm going home early , Hotch . I 'll see you Monday morning . I 'm watching Henry this weekend , so I might be in a little late on Monday . " " Reid ! " Aaron said his tone would have been enough for the other Spencer to stop , but for him it was ingrained in him to obey . He stopped and turned around to look at Aaron . He wasn 't upset , he just looked worried . " Let 's talk in my office . " Spencer realized that everyone , Anderson included , was gone . It was only the team minus Garcia . Rossi had even come out of his office , leaning against the rail . " No , I think I want to do this here . Is the Reid Effect that much of a joke that everyone started to fucking believe it ? I don 't hate children . I 've never had that much exposure , but on the last seven cases that have had kids , who is the one who goes to them ? Who talks to them ? Does magic tricks to get them to open up ? Me . It 's fucking me . You , Hotch I can understand . I mean you almost lost Jack , being hesitant is understandable . But everyone else is acting like I have never watched my Godson before . That I am going to harm Henry . So tell me , what the hell do you all think about me really ? If you all think so little of me , I 'm not sure this team is where I need to be . " " It started with Garcia and her questioning me leaving Henry with Spencer , and making sure that Saturday and Sunday he was staying with someone else . Now Morgan is telling him to call you when he messes up since you are the actual parent in the group . " JJ didn 't look that happy about that remark at all . " I think they are deaf , dumb , and blind , " Spencer said just loud enough for them all to hear . He was done . He just really was . He had been all for maintaining , as best he could , the relationships that Spencer had but this was the limit . This really was the limit and he wasn 't going to take it anymore . " I see . Well … I can 't do much about that except send them for sensitivity training . Morgan , you and I are going to finish the discussion we were having in the wake of the prank you pulled and gave out Reid 's number to reporters . JJ , go ahead home and enjoy your weekend . Reid , go home . Jack wanted to hang out this weekend , but if you are taking care of Henry , I 'll tell him you are busy . Maybe next weekend . " " We can have a sleepover Saturday night . I 'm sure Henry would love someone to play with . We can talk more , but Jack 's a lovely little boy and I don 't mind watching him as well . " Spencer started towards the elevator again . He turned back as the doors were shutting and saw Morgan going up towards Aaron 's office . He had wanted to hear the answer to his question , but it seemed that there were a lot of issues that he wasn 't aware of . Maybe before Henry got there he needed to read some of the letters that Diana had wrote back to Spencer to try and get an understanding of what was going on . After getting home , it wasn 't long before he had everything that was anything important put away . He made sure the various bits of technology were put in the bedroom . He also made a list of things to have delivered from the store . It was a place he was coming to like more and more as the young man who delivered the groceries was a nice and intelligent young man who took night classes . Spencer had been making sure that he got a good tip from him . As he cleaned up the breakfast plate and cup from that morning , Spencer thought about what he wanted to do with Henry . His head was full of what he used to do with his Jack . He 'd start with some of the more sedate things and move on to either slower or faster things . There was little more for him to do so he went back to the bedroom and grabbed the tablet . He settled in on the couch and tried to find out anything he could about JJ 's posting to the State Department . There was little with her name attached for the year she worked there . That was strange . She was a media liaison . If she was working within the states , there would be a trail . So he researched what was going on in the world at the time . The biggest things were happening in Afghanistan . He checked over every single bit of media coming from there , but still no Jennifer Jareau . Spencer went to the less legal means of getting information . He found no information on her over the first half an hour of looking , but then he found a picture . He was shocked to see Mateo Cruz in it . That started a separate search for him on the Internet as well as a deeper look into why Mateo and JJ were in Afghanistan along with a slew of other people . He recognized Michael Hastings from the trial that he and Tivon Askari had been part of . He started to search for more information on the both of them . Hastings was dead , killed around the same time that JJ came back to the team . Another picture showed JJ and Strauss along with Hastings . Spencer started a deeper research into Hastings on the dark net and found a whole slew of bad things that he was into . And not all of them stopped when he died . Then there was a small , cleverly hidden area that he hacked into that showed him alive after his supposed death . And one of the pictures of him was in front of a restaurant that Spencer knew well from New York . He started to compile it all and stripped every bit of tracking information from it and then emailed it to the CIA . One of the last pictures that he found was JJ laying on her bed in the tent where she had been taken after the attack that had supposedly killed Hastings . He settled in and did a little more research . The amount of information that was floating around the the dark net about those operations was massive . One just had to know how to find it all , and that was where the American Government and her agencies had the issue . The casualty report for that attack didn 't give any name for each injury , but given that there was only a single woman in the attack , and a miscarriage was listed , Spencer knew that JJ had been pregnant . There was a knock on the door to his apartment , so Spencer logged out of the darknet and closed it all down , wiping every single trace with a single set of codes . He slipped the tablet onto the table and moved to the door . He looked out the peephole to see that it was JJ . " Jayje , " Spencer said as he opened the door . Henry was on the ground and he smiled up at Spencer 's voice . He took a few quick steps towards Spencer and held out his hands . Spencer scooped him up and hugged him . Henry 's arms went around Spencer 's neck and held on . " Someone is very happy to be spending the weekend with Uncle Spencer . After I got home , that was all I heard . That he was going to Uncle Spencer 's . " JJ stepped inside the apartment with a smile on her face . She had two bags slung over her shoulders . " That 's good . I 'm looking forward to it as well . Henry , do you want to go look at my office ? " Spencer asked . He let the boy down and as soon as his feet hit the floor , he was off towards the back of the apartment . JJ leaned in and kissed his cheek . Her thumb rubbed at the lipstick left behind . " Don 't let Morgan and Garcia get to you . You are a perfect caregiver for kids . I shudder to think about what Morgan would do if watching Henry all weekend long . " " I just … " JJ looked unsure as she kind of looked around the apartment . " I know that you had been spending some time outside of work with Hotch , but I hadn 't realized that it was enough that he 'd leave Jack with you . Rossi was a little worried about that after you left . That none of us knew . " " And if I plead the fifth ? " Spencer wasn 't worried about her knowing . He actually figured the other Spencer would have told her before now . He just needed to keep it all underwraps . The more that knew , the more chances of him doing something wrong . " You don 't ever do that . Also , Hotch left his tie clip here . " JJ pointed at the book shelf by the door . Spencer looked at the item he remembered setting there to help remind him to take to Aaron the next time he went over there . " He never takes clips off , even during caes , unless he takes his tie off . So for him to take his tie off here means that he was probably settling in . So how long on this ? " " We danced around it for a while . But our first date was supposed to be the night of the lab explosion . We postponed it to the next night . I 've enjoyed not having others in the relationship . Eyes watching . " " I know that well . I kept Will a secret for a year . You 've been happier , more settled since then . " JJ smiled at him as Henry came running in clutching a stuffed Vulpix . Henry motioned to be picked up and Spencer did . He easily settled the boy in at his hip , holding him like he used to do Jack . JJ leaned in and kissed his cheek . JJ laughed and dropped the two bags down onto the floor just inside the door . She kissed Spencer 's cheek then left . Spencer shut the door , turning his face towards Henry . " Sure . " Spencer moved and grabbed the list he had made . They would just run to the store . " Do you want to bring Vulpix with you to the store ? " Spencer moved to the door grabbing his wallet and keys as he passed . He slipped both into his pocket after locking the door . Henry was content in his arms , but once they got to the store , he 'd shift him to his shoulders . " Yep . It 's a nice day out . We can walk and get enough food for tonight and breakfast , and then tomorrow morning we can pick what we want to eat for lunch and dinner , and walk and get food again . Maybe go to the park before ? " The memories were strong of his Jack being that age . How adorable he had been and how happy and carefree . When they had discussed in vitro or possibly adopting , both him and Aaron had agreed that no matter what came , Jack 's childhood was going to be nothing like either one of them had . Jack had grown up certain that his fathers loved him . He 'd known that doing something wrong would get him in trouble , but he never feared punishment . Jack had learned that doing something bad wasn 't worth the feeling that both of his father 's were upset with him . Much like Spencer , Jack disliked knowing that Aaron was upset with him . Henry cheered and raised his hands up in celebration . Spencer was ready and waiting for the high five that he was sure was going to come and when the little palm was held up , Spencer smashed their hands together . An older man held the door to the store open as Spencer approached . He tipped his head in thanks and smiled at him . The man tipped his hat back at him . " Do you want to ride in a cart or on my shoulders ? " Spencer asked as he looked at the carts that were there . He could tell they were old and beaten but well maintained . He selected one . Henry was still there tucked into his side . He looked at the cart and then up at Spencer 's face . " Okay . " Spencer grabbed an antibacterial wipe and cleaned the area of the cart that Henry would be touching before also wiping at the palms of his own hands . He tossed the wipe in the trash can by where he got the wipe and turned back to Henry . Spencer started towards the produce . He found a few pints of blueberries that he liked . He slipped those into the cart . " Do you like green beans ? " " Squash ? Zucchini ? " Spencer held them up and Henry kind of looked at them with his head cocked to the side . The boy shrugged . " Will you try them ? " " Yes , please . " Henry was eyeing the ears of corn so Spencer grabbed several and slipped them into a bag after checking to see if the ears were good . He 'd shuck them at the house when he cooked them . " Uh huh . " Henry bobbed his head up and down . Spencer grabbed a few peaches and then went to the cereal aisle finding a few things that he liked that the kids would eat as well . He stopped by dairy and grabbed a selection of block cheese as well as a gallon of milk . He 'd found the powdered milk in the cabinet , and he knew why Spencer had bought it . It made sense from a standpoint of getting in so late at night , and crashing , and then getting up and wanting cereal . It was probably a leftover from his college days . Spencer had used the small packets a few times to make himself just enough if he ran out midweek , and he was sure a case was coming up . " Dinos , please Uncle Spencer . " Henry was pointing at a bag that did have a few dinosaurs scattered on it . He picked up the bag and saw that nuggets were in generic dinosaur shapes . It would do them that night and possibly for Sunday lunch as well so he put it in the cart . He found a bag of chicken tenders for himself that were slightly spicy . " Dinos ! " Henry said just a touch louder than normal . The entire section of dinosaur movies and documentaries made a lot of sense then . It actually made a lot of sense for the underwater documentaries as well . Turn on the TV , mute it , and out like a light for a kid . Spencer had done something like it for colicky Jack . Only his was animals . Spencer looked up at the signs for each aisle and found the one that had toys written on it . He turned the cart that way after snagging the coloring book . He found a box of assorted colored large crayons and small ones , grabbing one of each . He knew that Jack liked Pokémon and superheroes so he hoped to find one of either one for him . He had to sort through the small section of coloring books before he found one of superheroes . On the shelf above was an even smaller selection of what looked like adult coloring books . Spencer saw one of mandalas and grabbed it as well as the large pack of colored pencils beside it . He 'd enjoy coloring with the kids . Checking out took little time at all , and Spencer loaded most of the groceries into one of the reusable bags that he bought . He had bought a second smaller one that with a few lighter items in it was perfect for Henry to carry . Henry wanted to walk so Spencer had him hold onto his pants pocket as they walked . On the walk back there were more people about , so Spencer kept Henry between him and the buildings . Spencer heard his phone go off . It was a text from Aaron . He ignored it for the moment . It could wait until he got the groceries put up . Henry ran ahead a few steps to hold open the door for him . Spencer smiled at the toddler . He was adorable . To the stairs he went , but waited to start up the next landing until Spencer could see him . Spencer wasn 't shocked at the lessons the boy seemed to have had . Henry didn 't even get off the top step until Spencer was right there behind him . As soon as Spencer had the door open , Henry was inside and moving towards the kitchen . He pulled out a chair and set his bag on it , diving inside for the fruit and setting it on top of the table . " Where go bag ? " Henry asked when he was done . Spencer smiled at him and opened up the drawer he had seen a few other reusable bags in . Henry slipped his in there while Spencer put up the frozen food that they weren 't going to use . Henry helped pull out the cold stuff from Spencer 's bag and set them beside the fruit he 'd pulled from his own . Spencer started to put those away next . The boxed food was last . Spencer turned on the oven while he looked at Henry to try and figure out exactly how much he would eat . The portions of fries and chicken were laid on the cookie sheet that he lined with foil , while Henry flipped through the channels on the TV . It was a smart TV that had programmable profiles and Spencer had been shocked that when he went into it , there was one for Jack already set up . He was glad he 'd forced Aaron to confront why he was keeping Jack from the other Spencer because coming back to this world and finding himself cut off from a boy that the other Spencer was coming to love would have sent him into a spiral . When the food was in the oven , Spencer settled in at the couch . Henry was watching the TV enraptured by a documentary on tornados . There was no way he was understanding most of the words but the destruction on the TV was awe worthy . Spencer just watched the boy more than he paid attention to his tablet where he was trying to do some work on Spencer 's schoolwork . He was looking forward to the next day with Henry . Henry was happily coloring in his book while Spencer fixed the macaroni and cheese that they were going to eat for dinner . Aaron and Jack were going to be there in the next ten minutes . Spencer wasn 't sure if Aaron would be upset about telling JJ , but he didn 't really care . Aaron had Jessica , Spencer had JJ . Still the anger at not being asked could have him taking Jack home . Spencer shoved the casserole dish inside the oven and stepped back . He leaned into the counter and surveyed the apartment . The other Spencer was just settled there . He wasn 't exactly happy . There were no pictures outside of the small office . There was nothing of permanence here . In the office was the file with all of the leases . One had not been signed for when he was out in just two months yet all of the other leases were signed months before the lease was up . Spencer hadn 't planned to stay in the apartment . Yet there was no evidence anywhere that he was looking for one . No searches , no listings , no realtor helping him . A quick check with listings had the apartment having been listed as available in a little over two months for several months . There was no way to change that and there was sure as hell no way that Spencer was going to be able to figure out what exactly the other Spencer 's plan was . He had to make a choice that he hoped the other Spencer could live with . But , all of that was to come later . For the moment , Spencer had already found a nice storage facility that the books would do well in and he 'd start to move things into it the following weekend . The knock on the front door shocked Spencer , he looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was time for Aaron and Jack to arrive . He moved to the door and opened it . Jack was standing in front of his father with a giant smile on his face . On his back was a backpack . Spencer stepped back to allow them into the apartment . Aaron though did not step all the way in . Spencer cocked an eyebrow at him . " I will , Dad . " Jack slipped off his backpack and laid it against the back of the couch before he came back and hugged at his father 's knees for a few seconds before the older man started to crouch to give him a proper hug . Aaron was going to leave . Spencer frowned . He 'd been looking forward to a sleepover as well . It had been all week , and he hadn 't got a chance to sleep in the same bed as his lover . He was missing touch . He was missing being held . Jack turned away from his father . " Hi , Henry . " " He 's been looking forward to this since I told him yesterday . That 's all I heard all day long . How long until he gets to go to Spencer 's . " Aaron 's eyes tracked to the kids and then back to Spencer quickly . He pulled Spencer into the hallway to kiss him . Spencer moaned into the kiss , snaking his tongue out to lick at Aaron 's lips before pushing in - between them . Aaron cupped his face , turning it to the side so he could deepen the kiss even more . " What ? " Aaron looked at him . There wasn 't anger there , but there was something . An unreadable emotion . Spencer catalogued what it would look like on someone else 's face and figured out it was fear . " She saw your tie pin where I had laid it to take to your place the next time I went over . It wasn 't hard for her to figure out that it meant that you were here for long enough to want to take off your suit as well being comfortable enough for it . Coupled with that bruise you sucked into where I wear my tie … She 's worked with profilers for long enough to pick up on it all . I wasn 't going to lie to her . " " And I don 't expect you to . I just … I 'm a little shocked . We 'd always discussed who would figure it out first . I didn 't think that it would be JJ . " " Why ? She 's close to me . Anything out of the ordinary would be noticeable . Like not getting my Godson for day trips and things … " Spencer trailed off and Aaron nodded . " I know . I know I just … Is it wrong that I wanted to keep it secret longer so that I didn 't have to share you . With the knowledge that we are dating out in the team , we would be expected to go to things more , together and while I don 't mind a dinner , I don 't want to share my time with you . " " Maybe this weekend is a good thing . You get a little more bonding time with Jack without me around and Jack 's talked about wanting to see Henry for a while now just with cases , we 've not done anything with JJ and Will in a while . Maybe we can do a meal or something at their house , as a couple . " " But I miss being in bed with you . I miss it so much . " Spencer walked his fingers down Aaron 's chest . He 'd never had to talk Aaron into anything , sexual or intimate . It was a new experience . It was also going to work in his favor to help with Aaron 's love . The man was perfect for his machinations . Spencer splayed his hand on Aaron 's stomach right above his belt , curling his fingers just enough for the other man to feel it . The sharp intake of breath was totally worth it . Spencer 's lips curled a little at Aaron calling his apartment home . His plans were going good . " That will work . We can pack up and have a sleepover at yours . " " You 'd tempt a saint , Spencer Reid . Let me say goodbye to Jack and then I 'll be out of your hair . " Aaron bussed a kiss across his forehead as he moved into the apartment . Spencer listened to Aaron say his goodbyes to his son and even Henry before stepping towards the door of the apartment . Spencer leaned his back into the doorjamb . Aaron would have to turn to the side to get out the door without bumping him . Aaron eyed him as he got close . The older man turned to the side and grabbed Spencer 's hands as he raised them up . " Ah , ah , ah . " " Yes , " Spencer said breathlessly . Aaron though just stepped away from him and started down the stairs that would take him out . After the dark haired man was gone from sight , Spencer turned to go inside . Jack had found his coloring book and his crayons and was coloring . " How does my baked macaroni and cheese sound for dinner Jack ? " The evening was tranquil . The three of them ate dinner and watched a new dinosaur documentary . The boys were hyper though so Spencer talked them into playing a game of hide and seek . He stayed on the couch while they took turns finding each other . The only room that was off limits was the same one that always was , the office . Given that Henry had not gone in there except when Spencer told him he was allowed , he figured that it was always off limits . The chatter of the boys and the squeals when they found each other was hilarious . Spencer watched them when they were in the living room , but would work on school work when they weren 't . It was nearing the time for them to settle down so they could actually sleep . " Hmm . " Spencer stood up and looked around the kitchen . Jack hadn 't hid in the living room for that round , and it wasn 't hard to figure out he wasn 't in the kitchen . Spencer checked the closets in the hall as well as his bedroom and bathroom before he even thought about the office . Spencer opened the door and Henry stayed back out of the room . It didn 't take long for Spencer to hear Jack 's subtle breathing . " Jack Tyler Hotchner , come out this instant . " Spencer used his hard voice , but he made sure to have no anger in it at all . Aaron and he had never used anger with their Jack and he wasn 't going to start with this one . The only time that Jack had ever heard anger in their voices was when they were mad at someone else generally someone who tried to hurt Spencer or Jack . " Yes , Spencer . " Jack moved out of the room at a pace that was meant to not make him mad by running too fast nor mad for moving too slow . When Jack was out of the room , Spencer followed , picking up Henry in his arms as he did . He set Henry down in the kitchen and gave him one of the fruit bars . They had been a treat after finishing lunch and he was going to give them each one to eat while they settled down but now Jack wasn 't going to get one . After he was sure that Henry was settled down , Spencer moved to the living room . He stopped as he took in the sight of Jack in the chair . This boy was far from his son . He could read the lines of fear in the way he was sitting and trying to make himself as small in the chair . His eyes were downcast . That was interesting in not a good way . Spencer sat down in the chair across from Jack . " I 'm sorry . I know that I shouldn 't have done it . I am so sorry Spencer . I got bored with hiding in the living room , kitchen , and bedroom . I opened the door and still went in even though I knew that I shouldn 't have . " Jack didn 't look up at him at all . " Come here , Jack . " Spencer kept his hands in his lap as the boy scooted out of his chair and walked towards Spencer like he was afraid of getting hit . Jack stopped in front of him and stood there , slightly shivering . " You knew what you did was wrong and you did it anyway . That means you take what punishment I give you . " " Look up at me Jack . " Spencer waited for the boy to raise his head and look at him before he continued . " You are going to sit in this chair right here for fifteen minutes . I want your knees tucked up against your chest and your arms wrapped around them . Don 't get off the chair at all . " Spencer stood up from the chair and Jack scrambled into it . As Spencer moved away Jack 's eyes followed him , almost looking shocked that it was it . He knew that Aaron didn 't raise his hand to Jack , not in that way . He seriously doubted that the two Aaron 's were that different . So where was the fear coming from ? Jack 's eyes never left him as he moved around the room . Henry stayed in the kitchen eating his fruit bar before he moved into the living room . Spencer took a seat on the couch with a wipe to take care of his sticky face and hands . " Okay , Spencer . " Henry settled in at the coffee table and started to color . Spencer though watched Jack who as soon Spencer looked at him , he looked away . After a few minutes of it , Spencer went back to his school work and kept his eye on the time . At fifteen minutes , he set aside the tablet and caught Jack 's eye . " Come here , Jack . " Spencer watched as Jack uncurled himself and moved over to Spencer . Jack crawled up onto the couch and to Spencer 's surprise into his lap . Spencer wrapped his arms around him and held him close . " Why were you so scared ? " " I 'd never hurt you . I won 't raise my voice unless you scare me . I can 't promise that if you are doing something dangerous I can 't say that I wouldn 't grab you to stop you from doing it . " " Henry was a breeze . Jack and I had a hiccup , but I think it worked out for the best . Jack took a nap with Henry because he was tired . I think that Jack knew that if he didn 't , Henry wasn 't going to and well … Jack 's a good boy and he wants to be helpful . He was out like a light . " " I got over it JJ . I got over Emily but you … there is something different about you . " Spencer waited to see what she would do . She looked at him and sighed . Spencer listened for two hours as JJ told her entire story , telling him that if he ever told anyone what she told him that they could both go to jail . He listened to the entire story and none of it made any sense . Why would the DOJ want her there ? Spencer expected Aaron to try something sexual but instead he wrapped his arm around Spencer 's chest tightly and started to speak softly in his ear . Poetry was Spencer 's weakness . He closed his eyes and made his brain focus on Aaron 's words . Slowly , Spencer drifted off Sitting at his desk Spencer was working on updating his and Aaron 's calendars . He noticed that there were a few papers to be presented coming up , as well as finals for the Anthropology classes Spencer had been taking . It was lucky that it was one of his minors , and he already had a good background in the subject , which easily let him keep up with the class . There were several papers due he had to request a deferment for because he wasn 't up on the research . He wanted to find his counterparts research materials to try to figure out where he was on them before he even attempted to finish them off . A couple of new cases had come across Aaron 's desk , one in which they were defending fiercely , and the other , Aaron appeared to be a little lax on . He input the dates for the depositions and follow - up interviews for both cases , and knew a woman was coming in later that day to talk about her custody case . They were just as busy as ever , but there was something bothering Spencer about the dates , something important he knew he should remember , but it just wasn 't coming . Sighing , he shook his head and went back to work , knowing that eventually he would remember what it was . Spencer had a vague recollection of a Kate Callahan that worked in the FBI . They had consulted with her department on a child exploitation ring , but it was a couple of years prior , and Spencer hadn 't gotten to know her very well . He only knew her through name and reputation . " Something to do with someone close to me . I have my suspicions , but I 'll wait till we meet . Tonight for 8 : 30 at Le Pece Mortel . " Spencer was no longer surprised at the places Aaron could get into at a moment 's notice . One phone call , a dropped name , and it was all Spencer could do to keep anyone from bending backwards to accommodate Aaron . It was a world he was still navigating , but had to admit , if only to himself , he was fascinated by . After he was done he copied the calendar to his and Aaron 's phones , then shut it down and got back to work on other things . He actually found the work intriguing . He rarely got to see this side of things after a case was finished . While it was part of the job that they often had to testify , he never really got this in - depth of a look before , and it gave him a little perspective . He knew that his Aaron knew this side of their cases , having been a prosecutor . Sometimes they talked about it during lunches or team dinners , but it made Spencer realize why Aaron was such a stickler for making sure the chain of evidence was pure and their profiles were spot on . Why he 'd get upset at Gideon for sometimes breaking some of the rules . If the evidence was compromised , suspects would go free to kill again . Thinking about Gideon had Spencer 's thoughts going to the man that was a prisoner in Aaron 's house . He knew he should feel guilty for being complicit in Gideon 's illegal imprisonment . There was that part of him , though , that was still so very angry at his mentor for how he had just disappeared , for not helping him , for backing away when Spencer needed him the most . Sitting back he scrubbed his face and tried to put thoughts of Gideon out of his mind . Though , deep down , he knew he 'd be back down there , sitting in front of that glass prison , watching the man , trying to build up the courage to tell him what he really thought of him . He again tried to push those thoughts out of his mind as he went back to work . When six o ' clock rolled around , he and Aaron left the office so they could get ready for their meet with Callahan . Spencer was curious , he wasn 't sure what the woman wanted , or what her connection to them was . He dressed in what Aaron picked for him , then spent a few minutes with Jack reading together before they had to leave . " She 's FBI . Special Investigations . I 'm very curious to know what she has to say . I know her sister was killed in the 9 / 11 attacks and she adopted her sister 's child . Her husband was killed the same day when the third plane had decimated the Pentagon . He was working as an analyst for the NSA at the time . They had not been married very long when he was killed . " She has an impressive clear rate , is intelligent , has money that she 's invested well from her husband 's insurance as well as her sister 's . She 's risen fairly quickly to Supervisory Special Agent , and is considered for next in - line if her Unit Chief were to take early retirement . If she plays her cards right , she could have her own Unit inside of a year . " " You seem to know all about me Mr . Hotchner . " The woman smiled as she was shown into the room by the Maitre ' D . " And , from what I could dig up I probably know as much about you . An IQ vastly above what is reported , you like to keep it on the down low because you like to flaunt your partner 's 187 IQ . Head of your law firm , you have your hands in several different pies . Most notably Grimes Tech . where you have almost a controlling interest . You and Dr . Reid here aren 't shy about your relationship , even going so far as to flaunt your BDSM lifestyle . " You 've become the darlings of not only DC society , but have turned the heads of many foreign dignitaries . You garner much praise wherever you go . Give vast amounts of money to several charities , and you and Mr . Grimes sponsor several scholarships that cater mostly to the sciences . Seen as the most influential savior of the US after the 9 / 11 attacks . You even went so far as to host several fundraisers at your own mansion to help fund the rebuilding of the White House and the Pentagon . You swooped in pretty quickly to help our government get back on it 's feet , but have never taken a seat yourself . You have a son you adore and more money than God . And I know that George Foyet has an obsession with you and what he believes to be your illegal activities . " What it is you 're really doing up there in our Capital ? I 'm not stupid Mr . Hotchner . I know some of our newer laws didn 't get passed without a few bribes and palms being greased . I know that you are a highly functioning psychopath . Though you do love your partner , maybe even an obsessional love , but it 's there . If you had never latched onto him it wouldn 't matter , you 'd probably be exactly the same . See , I 've been watching you for a long time . I can 't prove anything , but I know you and your partner have killed . And I 'm sure if I were to dig as deep as I could , I wouldn 't find one single scrap of evidence . So , let 's cut the crap right away , shall we ? ' Aaron threw back his head and laughed a genuine full body laugh . Spencer just shook his head . He knew why his Aaron had admired Kate so well in his world . She was far from stupid . " You are a refreshing surprise Agent . And you are right , you won 't find any evidence , and even if people talk , which who doesn 't on the Capital , I can easily deny anything and I would be believed . So , what do you really want to know ? " Aaron grinned dangerously , but Kate didn 't seemed moved at all . " Look , I can 't say that I agree with your methods , and if you were working against the greater good of this country , I 'd be all up in your business . But , after the attacks , and no one was doing anything constructive , because they had no clue where to start , you helped rally us . You kept us from sinking into a war that would have wrecked this country financially and emotionally . I 'm not saying things are perfect , but you got people to listen . I don 't give a rat 's ass if it 's lined your own pockets , and that 's all you care about , the fact is you cared just enough to keep us going . To put the right people in the right places . " You have a mole in your house Mr . Hotchner , and I know who it is . I give it to you freely . I also know who keeps stalling the 83241 - B initiative . For the record , I want to see it passed . " Pain flitted over Kate 's face and Spencer watched as Aaron 's eye narrowed . He moved forward as he watched her . Spencer just raised a brow and thought yet again how good this Aaron was at reading people . " My best friend . When we were kids I knew something was off , but didn 't really understand it . Tiffany was a sweet girl . Then , she started to retreat further and further inside herself . I tried to get her to tell me what was going on , but she would just cry . She ended up killing herself and left me a letter . He father was sexually abusing her , and I stood by and did nothing . " " Get her to talk , to open up to me . I don 't know , something . I want to see your initiative go through . I want to see these people punished harshly for what they do . And , I want to see mother 's that turn a blind eye punished as well . Tiffany 's mother admitted she knew what was going on , she knew and she did nothing . She even blamed her own daughter for her husband not wanting to be with her anymore . I was sickened , it took me a long time to put myself back together after her death . I know you have your own reasons for the initiative , you don 't do anything unless it somehow directly affects you . I honestly , don 't care why you created it . You get results and I want to help . " " Stand - up and take off your jacket and shirt , empty your pockets , and your purse . If you have a wire or recording device , this dinner if over . I want to trust you , want to trust what you 're saying , but you have to understand why I don 't . " Kate smiled as she stood - up and emptied her purse , then handed it over to Aaron to check for himself . She dug into her pockets , and even pulled them out to show that there was nothing there . She stripped off her jacket and shirt and Aaron checked both , he even checked her bra . She smirked as he unceremoniously checked the underwire . The purse was also thoroughly checked , though it was now ruined , but Spencer knew he wasn 't taking any chances . " Alright , but if I find you 've lied to me in anyway , I can ruin you . You must understand that right off the bat . I don 't trust those I work with easily . " " Oh I know . But , I want this initiative to pass . I want to see anyone who covers - up abuse like this , no matter who they are , to get punished . Teachers , cops , doctors , priests , even lawyers who cover it up . I want to make it so that it is so difficult for them to hide . I want to make it not worth anyone 's while to keep covering this up . Someone should have stood up for my friend , and no one did , and she killed herself . She was only thirteen years old . " Aaron took his time in answering her . His gut instinct was to believe her , trust her , but he also knew ways to shut her up if she betrayed him in any way , and he knew that she knew it . He picked up his wine and took a long sip , then carefully set it down . " Good . Agent Bowers was the cop that Tiffany had gone to for help . When he told her she was a lying little whore , that no one would believe her , that 's when she took her life . Because if a cop didn 't believe her , who would ? " " Please , if we are going to work together , call me Kate . And what I want ? I want the BAU . I want what it was supposed to be . I want to go back to what Gideon and Rossi started , not this shell that they both left in the hands of a corrupt agent . But , I can 't do that with Foyet in my way . " " As to your mole , it 's Emily Prentiss . She 's on orders from her mother . Senator Prentiss is part of the block to your initiative . As well as Senator 's Ryan , Wellington , and Grieves . You get to them , your initiative will go through . " Aaron picked - up his wine glass and grinned . Spencer filed away all the information thrown around knowing Aaron was going to want him to delve deep into Kate Callahan 's life , especially everything he could find out about her friend . He was quiet through the dinner , his mind processing , but from her body language and steady eye contact he determined that she was genuine . She didn 't blink , or fidget . She looked Aaron straight on and didn 't lower her eyes once . Her pulse stayed even , Spencer was cautiously convinced that she could be trusted . " I agree . I will still proceed with caution . Even if she somehow had a recording device , it would be easy for Garcia to dig into and find . I 'm going to bring her into the mansion . We have a lot of work we need to do . How are the experiments coming along ? You haven 't talked about your side project lately . " " Not well . We aren 't even close and I don 't know why . It 's been weeks and nothing is working . Every time , obviously , it 's a failure . I know there is a key piece to the whole puzzle I 'm missing , but I just don 't know what it is . " Aaron was silent as he gripped the steering wheel . He heard near defeat in Spencer 's voice and it was tearing him apart . He was going to lose one of them , he knew it , down to his very core he knew it , he just didn 't know which one . The one who was his perfect mate , or the one that was still a canvas , still learning and becoming more . It was going to hurt and hurt like hell , but he could only have one . He had to keep Spencer going , keep him trying no matter how long it took . Aaron was in his office at home doing some work before he spent time with Spencer and Jack . They had movies and popcorn on the agenda . The knock he had been expecting came right on time . He set his work aside and moved to open the door letting Emily in . He shut the door behind her , smiling at her nervousness . He had Kate 's report on Foyet trying to manufacture evidence against him in regards to a Judge that had been killed . The Judge had been in his pocket , but he had no reason to kill him . Fortunately , Aaron had nothing to do with it . The Judge was killed by a distraught father whose son had been a victim of a serial killer . The Judge gave an unusually light sentence to the killer , citing they only had evidence , and the killer 's confession for two of the crimes . Though , Aaron knew for a fact there was more . Spencer had looked into the case and even sent in a consult to the FBI . He had been ignored , and the evidence for the other crimes became compromised . Judge Evans gave the man only twenty - five years , when he should have gotten life . Aaron felt no remorse for the man , in fact he figured that someone paid him off for the lighter sentence . He had Derek and Garcia digging and when he found out who it was , they would be dealt with . All of this was going through his mind as he sat there looking over the reports , making Emily wait . " You 're a spy . In fact , you 've been spying since the moment you entered my home . I 'm not stupid Emily and whatever your mother is up to , it stops now . " Aaron set the files aside and glared at the woman across from him . " I told my mother that it wouldn 't fool you . So , you 've known since the beginning . You 've let me in , let me train Jack , help with some of your … activities . Why did you trust me ? " " Because you care for Jack . Something changed . You became less committed to actually finding any dirt on me , which you wouldn 't have . You 're smart enough to know what I 'm about , but you haven 't made a move . " " It 's true . When I first came here it was to dig up something on you . Everything about you was just too good to be true . You don 't hide from those most loyal to you , they know what you 're about . I can 't say what you do is right , but the truth is the outcomes are what is right . We 've come farther in the last ten years as a country than we have ever had . I may not like your methods but the results help everyone . " " Oh , you 're an unashamed psychopath . I get that , but I won 't be a part of stopping you . Not when what you do makes a strange kind of sense . And to be honest , I hate politics . I 've seen what it does to good people . How it corrupts . its funny , you 're as manipulative as they come , but you 're honest in your corruption . You play up the media and you and Reid are everyone 's darlings . Even if it all came out tomorrow , people would still love you and eat right out of your hands . You 're careful , though . It 's what 's saved you . " Done . I 'll arrange it right away . And , I would never do anything to hurt Jack . Outing you and Reid ? That would hurt your son . I did that once , separated father and son , and though what I did was the right thing , it didn 't feel like the right thing . I pick and choose my battles Hotch . Unless you truly do something that I feel goes too far , I 'm not going to say a thing . " " Okay . I have a movie date with my son and Spencer . We 'll talk more after I speak with your mother . " Aaron went back to his reports effectively dismissing Emily . When she was gone , he made plans in his head , then did some research on Senator Prentiss . He wanted to know everything . He knew he 'd have her eating out of his hands before the end of their meeting , especially if her daughter threw in her support of him . He wasn 't worried as he made his plans . Smiling to himself he left his office and joined Spencer and Jack in the viewing room , ironically Spencer wanted to watch The Manchurian Candidate , Aaron couldn 't help finding the humor in that as he sat down and wrapped an arm around his lover and held him close . " Doctor Reid , " Spencer said as he answered his desk phone . He didn 't even look at the number that was displayed on the caller ID . He was working on a consult for the CIA on a threat they were tracking overseas and wanted a way of predicting his behaviour to hopefully catch the threat sooner . " Yes , what can I do for you ? " Spencer stopped typing on the keyboard and tried to remember the name but it wasn 't there . Then he looked at the caller ID . Las Vegas area code . He typed in the phone number into a search browser and it brought up the page for Bennington . Spencer almost dropped the phone . " I 'm sorry Doctor Norman I was working on a consult . How is mom doing ? " " Well , Spencer , she 's not doing good at the moment . She 's asking for you and is just having a bad few weeks . I think that she 'd do better with a visit from you . Her new medication is working well , but I think that she 's depressed . I can 't get her to open up but she talks about missing you and wanting to find you . " " Of course . " Spencer said his goodbyes and then hung up the phone , not even letting it cross his mind that he 'd be going to Las Vegas to comfort the woman who had birthed the other Spencer . He buried himself into work and tuned out the whole of the bullpen . He still hadn 't mastered working in such a busy environment . He was used to Aaron 's office that was kept quiet , except for the sounds of music on occasion . When it was nearing the end of the work day , Spencer made himself get up and get a cup of coffee . When he sat back down , he drank half of the cup before he worked on the final files on his desk . " Reid , do you have a moment ? " Aaron called out from his office door . Spencer closed the file and grabbed his coffee cup before heading up to his office . Aaron 's desk was mostly empty , even with the backlog that had built up when they had been in Atlantic City . Aaron had joked that he 'd never get caught up but he had , with Spencer 's help . " What do you need , Hotch ? " Spencer asked . The door had been left open and Spencer didn 't want anyone to hear him call him Aaron . Just in case someone was walking past his office . " I was at Prentiss ' desk when the call from Doctor Norman came through . You can take a few days to go out and see her . If we need your help , we can always call you . Garcia would be able to forward all relevant information to you via your tablet or laptop , whichever you took with you . " " Well , that 's where Dave and I come in . That vacation with you was the first time I have used leave in a while . We both have more than enough to give you four days each . So please , Spencer . You need to go and see her . Doctor Norman doesn 't call unless you really need to see her . It 's been awhile since you have seen her . " " I have your plane booked and I saw you with a new go bag this morning . We will have just enough time to get you there . I have the case your gun needs to go into , just in case we have a case come up that we need you on . " Spencer kept the snort to himself . He didn 't miss seeing his mother . He never had missed seeing his mother . He 'd go to Vegas and just do whatever he wanted . If he didn 't go , it would look weird . And he didn 't put it past Garcia to track him . She was entirely too nosy for her own good and it wasn 't making Spencer like her more at all . " You didn 't have to be so underhanded , " Spencer said with a frown . Aaron stood up from his chair and came around the desk to kneel in front of him . His hands clasped Spencer 's before he kissed the knuckles on both of his hands . " I just … I wanted to take care of you . I didn 't mean for it to be underhanded . I know that your mom not doing well has to be stressing you out so I figured that if I took care of all of the details , you 'd feel better . " " Oh . " Spencer was a little shocked at how he had reacted . He doubted everyone around him and it was coming off on him doubting Aaron as well . " I 'm sorry . " " Yes . No matter the time here . I want to kiss you . I want to hold you in my arms until you settle down . But I can 't right now . If we leave now we will have a little bit of time before you have to go through security . " " Okay . I 'll get my go bag . " Spencer stood up and moved to his desk . He cleaned it up and made sure that his files would be there for him when he got back . A minute tremor started in his left hand but he stared at it until it stopped . He had to make it onto the plane before he started to freak out . He couldn 't let Aaron see that because his Spencer would never be worried about seeing his mother . About being in the same place as her . Spencer kept it together through the drive to Dulles . He kept it together through Aaron kissing him goodbye and hugging him tight , telling him to call him as soon as he landed . He kept it together through the security check where he allowed his gun to be inspected and locked away safely . He kept it together though take off and the time spent up to that point . It was after they were allowed to move around in first class that Spencer needed time to himself . He had no seat partners thankfully and went to the restroom , locking the door tight and tried not to hyperventilate . Just being back in Vegas without Aaron , with his Aaron was going to be too much . He tried to take his mind off by putting on the cuffs . He 'd got a slightly raised eyebrow when his carry on bag had been scanned but no one had said a thing . His hands shook as he wrapped the collar around his neck . He buttoned the shirt up enough to where no one would see it , but the cuffs would be harder to hide . It helped to settle him , but he knew that he needed more so he moved back to his seat and pulled out his MP3 player . He turned it on and set the background music playlist on it . Then he pulled up a memory of Aaron reading to him when he was younger . When the lifestyle that they now lived wasn 't enough to shake the nightmares so Aaron would stay up all night long reading to him so that he never thought that he 'd gone back to her . That he was safe . The rest of the trip to Vegas was quick . Finding Bennington wasn 't hard . Spencer sat down in the car that had been waiting for him when he 'd got off the plane . Aaron had rented him a car . Spencer parked in the visitor 's parking lot with a view of the front doors . The place looked nice . Spencer had chosen well for his mother . If it had been him , Spencer would have dropped her in one of those places that were audited for inhumane experiments . Hand on the door handle , Spencer hesitated . He looked down at his hand that was shaking even as it gripped the handle . The fear was there , just as big has it had been over two decades ago . Spencer pulled the keys from the ignition and forced himself out of car , his bag slung over his shoulder . He dropped the keys inside and slammed the door shut pretty hard . An orderly who was helping an older lady to her car looked up at him . Spencer just looked away , back to the doors of the institution . He took a very shaky step and waited to feel the overwhelming fear that had taken him the day before . Every single step had it getting bigger and bigger inside of him . He made it halfway through the lot before he felt the first urge to turn back . He fought it though , and made himself keep going . When he touched the doorknob though , Spencer felt sick to his stomach . His skin was crawling . He turned and fled . He didn 't have to do this . He was fine without . The doors were right there in front of him . It was just a few steps and he 'd be able to go inside and once he was inside he 'd be fine . Once he was inside he 'd be perfectly fine . It would be fine . Spencer stopped at the doors and when he was ready , he jerked them open . He stepped inside and slid to the side . He wanted to be out of the way while he breathed in deep . In and out . In and out . He was safe . No one there was going to hurt him and no one was going to let Diana Reid hurt him . The atrium of Bennington was empty . No patients , no visitors , and even no workers . He could see the registration desk there at the side and hear voices . Spencer was out the door before he even realized what he did . He got into the car and sat there . He breathed in deep and laid his hand on his thigh , right on the meat of it and squeezed . He didn 't dig his his nails in , but just put pressure , making a dull pain . He hadn 't had to do it in years , but it had worked when he got upset while taking classes . He hadn 't always been able to get to Aaron to settle himself . There was little to distract himself with when he finally got inside the main part of Bennington . There were patients in the periphery areas but no one looked at him . No one stopped to look at him at all . " Oh , Doctor Reid , Diana is the main hall today , " a nurse said as she passed by him . Spencer looked at her and smiled as he moved kind of in the direction he figured out was the way to the main hall . Just as he entered , he recognized the outline of her body . She was hunched over a book , writing in it . He stared at her for several long minutes . It had taken him four days to even get far enough to where he could see her and his heart was racing . He 'd never felt like this before . He needed to get away . He needed to get away and never come back . This wasn 't his mother and he had no reason to be doing what he was doing . When Spencer figured out where Diana was , he seriously debated running right then but he didn 't . He made it even farther this visit than he had any of the others . He watched the woman as she sat and stared out the window . That dug up memories of him sitting at her knees when they were at the park as she read to him when he was much younger . The only good memories he had of her , but he 'd buried them so deep because even though they were good , the good lead to the bad . Three steps inside he stopped . She was moving . She was moving in the chair and then all Spencer could see was a flash of knife . Spencer was inside of the car before he breathed again . He looked at himself in the mirror and cursed what he looked like . He knew that he needed to take care of himself better , but the fear was there , with no way to get rid of it . He 'd tried that day to not go to Bennington but the urge had been too strong . When he got back to the hotel , Spencer turned on his tablet . He 'd been talking to Jack over it every night , but still he hadn 't used it besides that . He found a listing of all of the clubs in Vegas and started to peruse them . He 'd find what he was looking for . The lights were dim inside the club . It had taken him some fast talking to get inside of the place , and he wasn 't all that sure that security still wasn 't going to find him and throw him out . Instead of the fast and hard beats , the club was playing slow and sultry music at the moment . He was dressed to impress and so many of the unattached Doms in the club had looked at him . Quite a few of the attached Doms had as well , but he was giving off a very big " Don 't Touch Me " vibe . The bar wasn 't that packed as many of the Subs were out on the floor , attracting all of the Doms out there as well . Spencer found himself a seat at the bar where no one would be able to come up behind him and he could see nearly the entire place . This place was one of the finer establishments , but it wasn 't Aaron 's club . Spencer had a stare down with a Dom on the other side of the bar . The man 's attention hadn 't been as unnoticed as he thought he was being . He wasn 't sure of the dynamics of the place , but he figured that enough of a ruckus and even a Dom would be thrown out . " What exactly are you looking for ? " a lithe woman asked as she took the seat on the stool next to him . Spencer looked her up and down and his eyes stayed on her collar for several seconds . It had an actual lock on it , but the lock looked to be made of tungsten . Hard to cut off . The collar itself was platinum . " I see . " She leaned in close . " That 's what I told my Dom , and he thought that I was reaching so he made me come over here and shame myself by asking , and finding out that I was wrong . Am I allowed to touch ? " The room that the Sub and her Dom lead him to was nice , more like a suite than a room . It meant that they played there often . There was a bathroom off to the left and a bedroom to the right . Instead of a couch in the middle of the room there was a Saint Andrew 's Cross . " My name is Sabian and my Sub here is Emmaline . We are happy to have you join us . Emmie tells me that you don 't want to be touched at all ? " " I 'm sure that you don 't play as hard as my Dom and I so no . Play like I am not even here . " Spencer found a chair that gave him the view that he wanted , more of Sabian than Emmaline . There was nothing of Aaron in Sabian , but he hoped that if he wished enough , he could trick his mind . The Dom and Sub played hard and Spencer could tell that this was a treat , having someone watch . Emmaline was worked up from the second that she was strapped to the cross . Even with him in the room she was stripped naked so when her arousal was so great that she came when she locked eyes with Spencer , he could smell it . Sabian was still in his jeans but his arousal was evident . For the second half , Spencer had his eyes closed . The sound of the flogger crashing into skin followed by the whack of a paddle had Spencer slowly settling . He knew the moment that Emmaline was released from her bonds as the sounds died away . Spencer kept his eyes closed . He blocked out all sound until he felt his chair being jostled . Spencer opened his eyes to see Sabian there . " I don 't get hard unless Sir tells me I can . Cleaning up is not an issue . Thank you , it was beautiful . There is obviously love there . " " I … " Sabian looked very shocked as Spencer made his way out of the room . Even just that little bit of listening to someone else play had centered him enough . He knew what he had to do . Bennington was quiet for it being early in the morning . Spencer opened the doors to the building and moved inside . He had called already and knew that she was enjoying the morning sun in her rooms . " Mom ? " Spencer asked as he entered the room . The urge to flee started as soon as she turned to look at him , but it stopped the second that he saw no anger there . Diana patted her knee and Spencer knew what she wanted but he couldn 't do it . He couldn 't kneel to her . Even if he wasn 't giving her submission . Spencer grabbed the folding chair from where it was leaned against the wall outside her room and shut the door as he entered . He opened the chair and sat in front of her , just outside of her reach . The pain in her eyes was outstanding . " He would never hurt Spencer . " Spencer left off the unless he wanted it . " He would do anything to protect what is his and no Spencer could ever say no to him . " " She hurt you didn 't she ? Your mother . I see the fear in your eyes . You are just out of my reach and you look ready to bolt . " " Yes she did . My A - " Spencer cut himself off . He didn 't know if Diana knew about what Spencer had been building to with Aaron . " Your Aaron did what ? " Diana asked with a small smile . Spencer could see that while she was gripped with her disease , it hadn 't shattered that brilliant mind of hers . " He saved me from her . He killed her to protect me . " Spencer knew that if he had been anyone else he would be fidgeting , but he was in control of his body . " I 'm glad that he did . I 'm glad that you have him , even if he is lost to you right now . Thank him for me . I know that I am not your mother , but the worst thing that I could think of is waking up from a delusion and realizing that I had killed Spencer . How do you plan on getting home ? " " I have to hope that your Spencer can recreate it on my side because I have to play a very … delicate game . If someone wrong knows that I am not this world 's Spencer it would go very badly . I 'm trying to keep a low profile . " Spencer was sure that even if Diana told anyone about this , it would be enough that she was a paranoid schizophrenic that no one would look at him . " He 's … Spencer and him hadn 't done a single thing besides casually date . I don 't know that they were ever intimate enough verbally for him to really realize a difference and me . Aaron taught me well how to be a chameleon . I just use a little different skills than your Spencer does . " Spencer relaxed in his chair , leaning back and crossing his legs . " Yet there is something there … You love him but it 's … " Diana was very smart . Spencer never remembered his mother being this smart . That intelligence and her gripping tight of it might have been what saved her from the fate that Spencer 's mother had . " Aaron has never had me talk to a shrink . I 'd talk circles around them and end up just pissing them off . I self diagnosed as a sociopath a long time ago . It 's a selfish love . Like a child who would rather break their toy than see someone else play with it . " And Spencer was sure that it was something that he would do . He never saw himself as wanting to leave Aaron , willingly , and he knew that no one would be able to make him leave Aaron but the late nights , sometimes when he couldn 't sleep , he thought about what he would do . If that time came where he and Aaron weren 't good together anymore . He would rather see Aaron dead than with someone else . " Aaron is a hard man and he has Dominant needs that he won 't have filled elsewhere . It all depends on what your Spencer wants . Aaron would never force him to do a thing . " " My Spencer is going to come back changed . I know he is . I met Spencer 's team the first time when he had been on the team about two years . He was changed then . The longer he has been around Aaron Hotchner the more he has changed . Good changes I think . Changes he wouldn 't have had to make if his father had stuck around . If I had been healthy . " " I don 't see her in you at all . I don 't . I don 't see a single bit of that madness that was in her eyes . " " The longer you sit here , the more I see that shadow leaving your eyes . Closure , yes ? What you never got because your Aaron killed her before you could reconcile the woman who attacked you and your mother ? " " Yes . Even the thought of you just months ago sent me into a panic attack . I came here and I was shocked at how different it all was and then your name was dropped and I freaked out . " Spencer reached out his hand and Diana clasped it within her own . There was little to do for the rest of his what ended up being two weeks in Las Vegas . He 'd spent quite a bit of time with Diana and even on one occasion took her out for a meal . He 'd not had a nightmare since he 'd talked to her . He was excited to be going home , his real home with his Aaron and his Jack . He talked to this world 's Aaron and Jack every single night . It was his final night , his flight was at seven thirty the next morning and he 'd be flying straight onto Quantico base . Rossi had snagged him a military ride home . A man weaving through a crowd at a bar caught his eye . He followed behind him . When the man sat down with a small crowd of what looked like businessmen , Spencer knew him . Spencer took a seat to watch the man as he drank with his co - workers . The man looked happy . Way too happy for a man who never saw his son and basically lived in the same city as his wife and never made sure that she was fine . The man wasn 't even paying attention as Spencer followed behind him the entire walk to his home . He was asleep by the time that Spencer let himself into his house . There was no security outside of an alarm that he disengaged on the first try with the date that William had started at the law firm he worked at . Soft gloves from his pocket were slipped onto his hands before he started looking around . Spencer took his time looking around the house and even paid attention to William 's cat . In the kitchen , he found empty syringes . Slipping one into his pocket he moved up the stairs into the master bedroom . Nowhere in the house was the fact that he had a son or even a wife . There were no pictures , not even baby pictures . He wanted to know how his co - workers allowed themselves to work with someone like him . It was easy to track the state of sleep that the man was in . He waited until he was in the deepest part of sleep before he worked the bed clothes up to where he could get to the left foot . Gently , he worked the toes apart and drew air into the syringe with his other hand . Sliding the needle in , he found the vein he wanted . He blessed his memory and his extensive knowledge of the human body . He injected the air into William 's vein . Spencer had no want of seeing William Reid die a second time . He petted the cat again as he left , watching it jump onto it 's master 's bed before he left . He reset the alarm and made sure the door was locked . It was so late that there wasn 't a single light on anywhere on the street . The area had to be full of workers who worked nine to five jobs . By the time that WIlliam Reid was found , he 'd be long dead and Spencer would be flying back to DC . The syringe was dropped into an alleyway where others were , where junkies hung out . The gloves were left at the airport along with the wrapper from his breakfast sandwich . The flight was filled with other men and women catching a ride to DC . All of them were armed forces across various branches . He stayed to himself at the back of the cargo jet . Thankfully , no one bothered him . Aaron was waiting for him at the landing strip when he walked down the ramp . In his hand was an envelope . Spencer cocked an eyebrow as he stepped up to him . " This was waiting for you on your desk yesterday morning . I didn 't pay any attention to it until this morning when I saw the logo for my apartment building . " Aaron handed it over and Spencer looked and saw that it was indeed from the building manager at the other apartment . Spencer opened the seal carefully and found inside the note of when he could start to move in as well as the first set of keys to his new apartment . He looked at the number and found that it was the one right next to Aaron 's . Spencer tried to even think if he had seen anything about that in anything inside of Spencer 's apartment . So he went back to the paperwork and found that the lease agreement had been signed the day that they had swapped . " It was the day of the explosion . You know my memories of the hours leading up to it are fuzzy . I … " Spencer showed him the paperwork and let him read it over . The move in date was that weekend . Plenty of time to get his things out of the old apartment . He was sure that Morgan would help him , as well as Prentiss , JJ , and Will . He 'd already packed up the things that he didn 't really need to use . Meaning a lot of the things in the apartment were in boxes . With working as much as he did , leisure reading was small so he was able to find it easier to just pick a book from the box of unread ones than to do anything else . " I meant to discuss it with you , but with everything and the explosion . " Spencer worked himself up . He breathed in deep to take a few shorter , but deeper breaths as well . Like he was getting ready to hyperventilate . " I gave over the check already but I 'm sure that if - " " Get inside the car and we will talk . " Aaron pointed to the passenger side as he took the go bag from Spencer 's hand . Spencer moved around the car and settled into the passenger seat . He buckled in and wasn 't shocked when Aaron took off driving away from the airfield . They had to work so they couldn 't just slip away but still Aaron did park in the garage before he turned to Spencer . " You don 't need to . I like the thought of you living next door . You having an elevator instead of just the walk up . I 'm sure that Jack would love it . So you are moving next door this weekend . " The tone brokered no questions . Spencer was moving in it seemed whether he liked it or not . And he liked it a lot . Spencer smiled at him . He wanted to kiss the man , but knew that he couldn 't . Not there . Not where someone could see them or even a camera could catch them . Maybe at lunch he could slip into Aaron 's office for a quick make out session . The experiments were going nowhere . He and Charlie tried to adjust for everything they could think of . Spencer was at loss and didn 't know what to do . He didn 't even know how to explain what was going on in his head to Aaron . At this point he started to believe that he was never getting back , never going home to his Aaron . Of course , he wasn 't even sure if his Aaron would even want him anymore . Spencer slid down the wall across from Gideon 's cell , and tears fell as he let himself fall into a momentary despair . He 'd tried to hold on so hard , but every failure to replicate the accident was one more painful reminder of what he was losing . He closed his eyes a moment and thought back to just a few days before . He had remembered that all important date . It was the day he was going to move into the apartment next to his Aaron . He had forgotten all about it , and he couldn 't help wondering if his counterpart made the move or not . He also couldn 't let go of the knowledge that Aaron was probably fucking the other Spencer , and for some reason the pain of that churned in his gut . As he sat there staring at Gideon , like he had almost everyday since finding out that Aaron had him , Spencer knew he had no right to be angry at his Aaron . Wasn 't he doing the same ? Having a relationship just because it was an Aaron . He thought of the finished tattoo on his back and wondered what the other man would think of it if he ever did get back . Would he hate him for giving in ? For loving another Aaron , for letting his submissive side loose ? Would his Aaron see him any different ? Would he see hate and derision in his eyes ? He didn 't think he would be able to take it if his Aaron didn 't want him , didn 't want to love him . It would break him and he knew it . If he got back and Aaron rejected him , it would tear him apart losing them both . So , he sat there on the floor as depression started to swamp him , and looking at his old mentor , in that moment he hated him . He didn 't know why he tortured himself this way . Coming down here every day , staring at the man and hating him for what he did , not only to him , but to Aaron too . He knew , even if his Aaron wouldn 't admit it , that there had been a deep friendship there . His Aaron had loved Gideon in his own way , but he buried it , like he buried everything else . He knew this wasn 't his Gideon , but something in him just couldn 't stop . As much as he came down , Rossi did as well . He would just look at Spencer with a sad expression , punch in the code and go into Gideon 's room . The first few times Spencer opted not to listen when Rossi asked if he wanted to hear what they talked about , but then his curiosity took over . He could just make out the chess board as Rossi set it up and sat next to Jason . Spencer learned a lot about Gideon , about this world 's Rossi and even Foyet . Spencer learned that Rossi had lost it in the field . He shot an UnSub point blank , and it was the last straw for the Bureau and his increasingly odd behaviour . They put up , for a while , his seductions of other FBI agents , and boy did Spencer get an earful . Not just women , but he took a few men to bed as well . He knew his Rossi wouldn 't think about that . He was all about women . The most egregious crime was when he started to seduce witnesses , and a couple of times even victims family members . Spencer finally knew what is was that made his skin crawl , Rossi always looked at those around him like he wanted to bed them . All except Aaron who was like a son to him . There were other issues as well , and everything had just built up till it was too much and he was given the choice of leaving , or the Bureau would outright fire him . He chose to leave . Spencer understood the man a little more , it didn 't mean that he liked him . But , he had good connections , deep connections that he had fostered during his time at the FBI . Those connections helped Aaron more than once , and Spencer knew that Rossi was a tool to Aaron . Oh , he felt loyalty and some affection , but it wasn 't exactly a father - son feeling on Aaron 's part . He only had room in his heart for two people , himself and Jack . Spencer shook himself out of the memories of those overheard conversations , and closed his eyes a moment , and smiled slightly at the memories of the previous evening . Aaron had used him well . That little voice that had always guided him , was screaming at him that he was changing too much , but he had no desire to stop , to give up what he was becoming . He found a kind of strength he never realized was inside him . He knew he had fallen hard and it excited him at the same time that it scared him . He was letting himself be marked , in more ways than one , and god help him he liked the feeling of being owned , being possessed by another person . If he decided to give up on the the experiments , to stay , he knew what would happen . He would give himself even more , let his submission be complete and he 'd agree to the prince albert Aaron wanted him to get . It would be his final surrender , and he knew after that , there would be no going back for him . He opened his eyes and cocked his head as he looked at Jason Gideon , once great profiler , now just existing on feeding tubes , mind and body broken . He was horrified , but a tiny bit vindicated as well . He openly stared letting his anger and hate come through , it was almost visceral as he stared at the man . He had never let himself feel these feelings , had held onto an image of Gideon , that just wasn 't real . Here and now , his eyes were opened and he understood so many things about the man . Today was the day , today he was going to tell Jason just what he thought of him . He stood and stalked to the glass door , input the code that Aaron had given to him , and entered the room . Putting his hands on the footboard he leaned forward and glared . " I 'm sure by now you have figured out that I 'm not this world 's Spencer Reid . You 're too smart not to have . I 'm also sure you 've been wondering why I 've been coming to see you everyday . And why I haven 't talked to you , not once . Today , though , I knew I needed to make my peace . " I don 't fear you Jason , if that is what you 're thinking . I 've been formulating in my mind what it is I 've been wanting to tell you . " Spencer moved around the bed and leaned down close to Jason 's face . " I know you . I 've been studying you . Everything Aaron had ever gathered about you , and everything Spencer ever wrote down in his personal files about you . And I laughed . I laughed because while most everyone around here is vastly different than my world , you , Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon , are . Exactly . The . Same . " " I figured you out , you know . After I got clean , after you left me with only a letter , which my father did , but you didn 't know that . I kept some things to myself because you didn 't need any more ways to hurt me . But , Jason , I figured you out . " Spencer leaned all the way till his mouth was against Jason 's ear , " You wanted to fuck me . You wanted me for yourself , but were too chicken shit to do anything about it . " When he sat back up he saw Jason 's eyes widen . " What ? You can 't speak ? The tubes aren 't in your mouth . Or , are you afraid that you feel the same for this world 's Spencer ? " Spencer pressed his lips together in a hard line . " That is a long conversation . But I 'll give you the short version . I was kidnapped by an Unsub , he forced a drug on me , I got addicted . When I didn 't fall at your feet begging for help you left me to deal with it on my own . The only person on the team , the family that we supposedly built that helped me was Aaron . " You got jealous , then you got stupid . You should have seen Breitkopf coming a mile away , yet you chose to ignore the possibility . You were too far gone by then . Anger , self - doubt , depression . I wasn 't stupid , I saw it . " Spencer leaned forward again and laid his forehead against Jason 's , " You wallowed in your self - pity and enjoyed it . Then you just disappeared . " " Spencer , listen to me , you need to get away . You 're right , I did figure you out , it 's too late for me … " Spencer released one of Gideon 's hands and just laid a finger on Jason 's mouth to shut him up . Swallowing he removed his shirt and turned around . He heard the quiet sob from Gideon , and felt the fingers tracing what he could reach . Spencer allowed it , for the moment . He knew every quote on his back by heart , and they all had to do with being owned , submitting , and giving into desire . Turning back he looked at Jason , the gold rings shining brightly against his dusky nipples " I think I 've passed the point of no return . I know I 've changed . I 've let it happen . Probably could have fought harder , longer , but what was the point ? He 's Aaron . I think if I travelled through a thousand realities , I 'd always find him and I 'd always want him , no matter who or what he was . I think I 'd always become what he needs , and I 'd always become what I needed for him . You know I 'm mostly a man of science , but when it come to Aaron , I think , I think I believe in fate . " " He 's already corrupted you , turned you . Spencer it 's never too late . George , he can help , find George he 'll protect you … " Spencer wrapped a hand around his throat and squeezed . " George Foyet will never get his hands on Aaron , do you understand ? He did in my world , he hurt and stalked Aaron . Played mind games , then killed his wife and almost killed his son . Now , while this world is different , there are many similar traits . Your George is stalking Aaron , trying to hurt him and I won 't let it happen again . Understand ? " Spencer surprised even himself with his tone of voice . It was hard as he poured out all that he was feeling towards Gideon . Gideon was shaking and Spencer just lifted a brow . He had no emotions left when it came to Jason Gideon . He let go of his throat and closed his eyes a moment . He finally , after almost four years of pain and anger over Jason , Spencer felt at peace . When he opened his eyes back - up he had a clarity of the man that he had never had before . " I was only ever a tool to you . My intelligence , my trust , and yes Jason , even a part of my heart , you used them , for your own selfish purposes . I loved you , not the way you wanted , but as mentor and friend , and you used me . Oh , I think a part of you loved me , as long as I was the whipped puppy that followed at your heels . But , under Aaron 's caring and guiding , this puppy grew - up and you didn 't like that . I feel sorry for you . " Spencer bent down and brushed his lips against Gideon 's . " I think , there was a short - time , that I might have let you have me . I was so enamored of you , so infatuated that I might have fallen into your bed , thankfully I came to my senses . I am going to give you a kiss , just one , so you can always remember what you lost . " Spencer closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Gideon 's . He thought of his mentor , the man he had once loved and poured all of that into it . When he broke away , he saw a tear running down Jason 's cheek . He didn 't even wipe away the tears , and knew as he sat there looking down at Jason that the man was hard , even now , even when he shouldn 't be . Spencer just raised a brow and felt absolutely nothing . Spencer stood , grabbed his shirt , and left the room to go in search of Aaron . He needed him , he needed what it was they did in the playroom , he needed the pain and the release . And he knew Aaron would give it to him . He needed something to remind him to go on and at this moment that was the only place that could bring him strength , and maybe even hope . QPid 's Arrow00Q / Sherlock Fanfiction and Literary Fun00Q Reverse Big Bang ! Art and Stories for all things 00Q , since 2014Criminal Minds BangThe home of the Criminal Minds Bang and Reverse Bang ! Site TitleRough Trade # GFYWrote Hard and Put Up Wet . charliesdragonRamblings of a mad woman . . . 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It was a quiet day here today . I had 3 lessons . Tomorrow I have Isaac again . This is a make up for next week . I have to get up at 9 : 30 am again for his lesson . I don 't mind . I also will have my monthly ( in this case , biweekly ) protime blood test . I don 't know why I have to have it in two weeks this time , but that is what the doctor required so I will go . I just hoped I could have waited a month this time like last month . Oh well I am not the one in charge , Dr . G is . Laith had his lesson for the first time in about a month . His mother has been ill so he has missed the lessons . He is so silly and funny . When he arrives , he races to the chair or the couch and covers himself up with a blanket . I always have blankets in the living room . He waits for me to come and get him . It is a routine for him . I got him and then he went to the piano . He played his lesson very well . Even though he didn 't practice too much , Laith played his songs well . Selma had her lesson too . She is just flying through her books . I did get her a fun book that goes with the series . It has some songs she knows and a few that she doesn 't but I think she will like them too . So far she likes the book . Selma got sunburned today . Her arms and legs are so red . I felt so bad for her because she isn 't going to be able sleep too well with that sunburn . I try to stay out of the sun because I don 't tan well , I just burn not to mention that I get sick from the sun too . If I am out in the sun for a long time , I have to wear a hat so I don 't become too ill . Rizzoli and Isles in on TV right now . I really like this show . I found it by accident . It is on the same time as NCIS Los Angeles and I don 't have a DVR . Fortunately , NCIS Los Angeles is in re - runs so I can watch this and not miss a thing . It seems the shows I like are always on the same night . Not on nights I have nothing to watch , always at the same time . Mirror Mirror came out today but i can 't get it until next week when I get my check . I plan to watch the special features first . Snow White totally kicked butt and saved the prince . I liked that about the movie . She got the guy and she kicked butt . The sword fighting was super cool . The beast was pretty neat too . It was interesting how she fought the beast . I can 't tell you anymore because I will spoil the movie 's ending and I don 't want to do that . It is a good , entertaining movie . Tomorrow is also physical therapy again . I have occupational therapy for my hands and shoulder next Tuesday . I am not sure what occupational therapy is about , I am just going to try it . I also need to get my hands x - rayed . I should have done that last week , but I forgot . Whoops ! I had the time too . I need to call and get the hours for their outpatient x - ray department . I know I went on a Saturday before and that they also had Sunday hours . I will call tomorrow . Well , I met with Star yesterday . I picked her up and we went to the bookstore together . We had a nice time chatting together . We talked a lot about dance . Both Star and I danced for a very long time . She through out her childhood and me through out high school and college . I do miss dance and I would love to dance again , but with my illnesses , there is no way I could ever dance again . Star also has fibromyalgia and her hips , knees , and feet are messed up from dance . I can totally sympathize because my hips , knees , and ankles are bad from dance too . So anyways , Star and I were getting ready to leave because the store was closing and this man walks up to me . He asks me if I am married . I said no , then he asked if he could give me his phone number and would I call him ? Oh my , what can I say ? I did say yes , although I don 't have any intention of calling him . I just don 't . I didn 't know what to say so I didn 't really say anything . It has been years since I was hit on . It was such a shock to me . I was stunned and speechless ( I know , speechless , me ? ) I got my blood tests results back that Dr . A ordered . She is my arthritis doctor . My hemoglobin is very low , much lower than they were in November , which tells her somewhere I am bleeding again . She is going to have iron studies done . I have another test I need to do for the tummy doctor so I will do it this week . I keep forgetting about it . It just isn 't at the top of my mind or list of things to do but I will do them now . I had a busy morning and early afternoon today . Isaac had his lesson earlier than usual because his mom had a conflict at his regular time . Rachel and Brianna had their lessons before I went to physical therapy . Physical therapy went okay , not great , but okay . I am happy with how things are going but my physical therapist really isn 't since the pain level doesn 't seem to go down past a 5 . For me , 5 is a good number . I usually have pain around a 5 on the scale of 1 to 10 . The pain is better and I keep telling him it is . At night , when the pain is the worst , it is much better than it used to be . I have had a very , very , very quiet day as in no lessons or phone calls or anything like that . I went and ran some errands . I needed to pick up some medicine , one prescription and the other over the counter , and I needed gas . I don 't like going to low on gas so today was perfect to go and get some . I also stopped at the usual to pick up my salad for dinner . It was a month ago , today , that I got mad and started eating healthy . I am feeling better , I have even noticed I am not as tired during the day as I used to be . Hm , must be something about that . I won 't dwell too much on that . There is not much on TV on Saturday at about 6 pm . I have checked every channel and no , there is just not much on unless you like sports , which I really don 't except for gymnastics and ice skating . I am watching the end of Game Plan . I have seen this before and I do have it on DVD . It is a good movie , but I wanted one with more action and stuff . Okay , that movie is now over and the TV is off . Maybe I will actually put in one of the many DVDs that I haven 't watched yet . We 'll see . Tomorrow I will be meeting up with Star . I am looking forward to that . I was supposed to see her last week , but she wasn 't feeling up to it . She is feeling a bit better this weekend so we are going to get together tomorrow afternoon or evening . I am not sure which but some time tomorrow . I am rather tired this evening . I think sometimes not having lessons or plans for a day can be more tiring than a day with lessons or plans . Tomorrow I will take my customary after church nap and then go see Star . Carolyn and I are hopefully going to be practicing our song this week so we can sing it for Lee . I really like the song she picked for us and she can play her ukulele with it . That will sound so awesome I think . We sing well together , I think . We just need to sing it for Lee to see if he thinks it is appropriate for the service . Well , I am going to read for a bit now before I turn the TV back on with a movie in it . I think I will watch something I have that I haven 't seen yet . I have many choices . Oh , and speaking of movies , Mirror Mirror comes out on Tuesday ! I can 't wait ! I am planning to get it . I love how Snow White kicks butt and how evil Julia Robert 's character is . She is awesome , not to mention the king is really hot too ( Sean Bean ) . I can 't believe it is Friday again . Wow , already ? It did help that I totally slept most of yesterday and last night . I had my scope at 9 am yesterday . My friend , Heather B - T 's mom drove me home and then she picked up her mom from my house . I am very thankful for the help since I was not allowed to drive yesterday at all because they knocked me out for the test . ( Thank God for that ! I am sure I would throw up if they didn 't - oh wait - I did do that once ! ) I had some lunch since I couldn 't eat before the scope and then headed straight to bed . I woke up again at about 4 and then was back in bed by 5 until 10 . I was back in bed by 11 until this morning . I did wake up earlier than usual because I had slept so much yesterday . My ulcer is healed , the only thing left is some irritation where the ulcer was . I am to stay on the prilosec and the xantac though . I guess in case I get another one or to prevent another one . I didn 't ask so I am not sure why , I just know to stay on it . It seems like I take a pharmacy of medicine daily . However , I have eliminated some medicine so my pharmacy isn 't as big as it used to be . I suppose that is a good thing . I have no lessons this weekend again . It seems so weird to have a weekend to myself . I am meeting with Star on Sunday sometime after church . I can 't wait because we have such a great time together and she has been a bit sad lately . I hope I can cheer her up a bit . We will probably go to Barnes and Nobles or Ram 's Horn for the afternoon or evening . We can talk up a storm , she and I . Kelly won 't be able to come with us this time since she is going to be at a family thing this weekend . I spoke to Kathy today . I also got to speak to Samantha and Alicia . They are having a good summer so far and they were trying to help mom paint her toenails . I laughed at that . I can only imagine how two 5 year olds can help mom do that . We were talking about MacGyver and how much we loved that show and Richard Dean Anderson . He was ( and still is ! ) so hot ! Anyways , we had good giggles talking about the video she and Amy made when we were in college . It was the greatest moments of MacGyver . It was a fun video and I laughed when I finally got to see it . Kathy is hoping to someday take it to a place where they can convert it to a DVD and then she will also make me a copy . I know we will laugh a lot with that video . It was really funny then and since we still think he is hot , it will be funny now . I really hope she does that . I want to see it again . Calli and Acer had their lessons today . I haven 't seen them in a few weeks due to illnesses and such but they were here for their lessons . I have to get out the Over the Rainbow for Calli . i forgot today . I also need to get some new music for Natalie this week as well as copy the double trouble song for the 3 of them . I will type the words for Brianna and put it on the flash drive for her . Calli will have to braille it out because her notetaker had to be given back this year . I wish I had enough money to buy her one so she would have it all the time , but they are very expensive and I don 't have the money . She forgot her stylus today so we couldn 't braille out the new part to Per La Gloria . She only had to learn 2 new lines so it isn 't too much , but one of the words is really hard . I think she got it pretty well . Natalie is finishing up her Italian song so I need to get her another one . I also need to copy her I 'm Gonna Wash that Boy song . I made her change the words from Man to Boy because she is only 12 and it creeps me out to hear a 12 year old sing man . I mean , really , she shouldn 't be into men , just boys . She didn 't seem to care that I had her change it . Well , I am almost done reading the Harry Potter series again . I think by next week I will be finished with it . Probably by the end of the week , I think . Then I will need something new to read again . I have some other trilogies and series I could re - read too so I may just do that . I might go to the used bookstore and see what they have of the authors that I like . Either way , I always have something to read . It is supposed to be the low 80s this weekend . I am glad for the relief . It has been super hot already and it is only just beyond the mid of June . I don 't want to think how hot July will be although with the strange weather we have had all winter , July might be colder than June since April was colder than March . I do live in a weird weather state right now . I am so thankful for friends . I know at times I need to let them know how much I appreciate them . I am really blessed because my friends are so good to me . It is partly why I didn 't want to move . I like it here a lot and I am settled here . I have my students here too . I am not that far away from my family either so that is good . I just feel this is where I should be so I am . This month is flying by me . It just is . I have a no lesson weekend coming up again . I am hoping to meet up with Star and Kelly . Star was not feeling too well last week so I am hopeful for this week . It is so nice to be friends with former students . I am friends with several former students who are now all grown up . I have attended weddings of former students too . Other than church and visiting with the girls , I have no plans this weekend at this point . I had a few lessons this afternoon . I had my Richards ' girls . They are so sweet and are playing so well . They started at the end of December and all three are in their 3rd book already ! They are only 5 and 7 years old ! Yeah , they are so amazing . Her mom and I decided to go to a straight 1 / 2 hour for each instead of 20 minutes each because we go over all the time and they need 30 minutes each at this point . The twins , Jillian and Brooke are starting level C in the prep series and Aubrey is starting level 2 in the basic series . All 3 girls know their notes so well . They are just so cute . I had a new student , Minh ( 25 years old ) today too . I have to pick up some books for her . She is a beginner . David also had his lesson . We had an hour today because he missed last week . He is doing well with the songs he is singing . He has the most trouble with the Italian piece , but that is to be expected as it is the hardest piece he has . Tomorrow , I only have 1 , which is okay because I had the Richards ' girls today instead of tomorrow . I also have physical therapy tomorrow . I have 3 ( I think ) sessions left . I know I at least have 2 sessions if not 3 . I don 't know if they count the initial visit as the first session or not . It was just to see my range of motion and to test my strength level . I also ached so much that day . Lately , the pain has been less so I think the physical therapy has really helped me a lot . I have been working on my home exercises too . I guess that this is better than taking more medicine . I also am hoping the new medicine will help with some of the pain as well as my anxiety . I haven 't had any anxiety attacks lately , but my anxiety has been pretty high lately . It isn 't as high as it was right after Mom died , but at times it feels just way too high for me . I need to have it lower . I teach and function much better with less anxiety . It has been a few years since I have had medicine for anxiety but I think it is time to have it again for a while until I have it under control again . I have my scope on Thursday . I hope my ulcer is better . I guess i will find out on Thursday . I hope I don 't have to have a scope for a long time . I won 't be teaching that day either so it makes it bad all around . Thursday is my busy day and it is choir too . I will be missing choir on Thursday night because of the scope . I will also miss my students . I will sleep most of the day though , if it is anything like last time . Heather 's mom is driving me home . I am not sure exactly how she will get home from here or when she will go home but I know Heather has it all under control . Tomorrow I will find out exactly what time I have to be there . So far it is 9 am . That is just so early in the morning for me . I am so not a morning person . I don 't get crabby or mean or anything like that . I am just really out of it and it takes me a few minutes to realize I am actually awake sometimes . I used to come down the stairs and sit on the bottom step when I was young . My brothers used to get in my face and ask me if I was awake yet . I would look at them with like , huh , what ? kind of looks . I didn 't really like it when they did this , but they found it amusing . Sometimes my mom would ask them to leave me alone and let me wake up . I have always been hard to wake up that is just me . I am not with it in the morning . I am much more a day person . It is so hot outside today , about 96 degrees with lots of humidity . I am not sure the percentage , but it feels super high . It is supposed to be hot tomorrow and then lower 80s for the rest of the week . It is supposed to rain on Thursday but not until then . My grass is turning a beautiful shade of brown . I don 't really care too much right now . Wow , it is the end of the week already . I don 't remember a week going so fast . I remember Wednesday and the suddenly , it is Saturday . I was going to hang out with my friend , Star but she is not feeling too well and having a rough day . Maybe next week as I won 't have any lessons again for the weekend . Kelly wants to get together too so maybe the three of us can hang out together . I am watching RV on TV again . I have the movie and I have seen it several times . It is a very funny movie , very funny . Then again , it is Robin Williams . Kristen Chenoweth is also in it and I just love her . She sings beautifully too . Tomorrow is Father 's Day . I tend to ignore that day . It is a day that I use to buy Mom stuff because in reality she had to be both Mom and Dad from the time I was young . I actually really don 't remember him at all . I only know what he looks like because I found an old photo album that had a picture of him in it . it does make sense that I don 't remember him as I haven 't seen in over 35 years . I don 't really know if he is even alive at this point , although I doubt it . He would be 80 something at this point . I tried to find him when I was in my 20s , but I didn 't . Last I heard , he was in Texas . That is where the stepmonster is from . I didn 't like her too much . She didn 't like us either . I remember right after Dad got remarried ( for the 3rd time ) she told us to call her Mommy . Yeah , that didn 't fly too much with me as I had a Mommy and she was in Michigan . At the time , Dad lived in Ohio . I do hope that tomorrow goes by quickly . Last night I went to bed super early because I was so tired . Unfortunately , I woke up again at 2 am and was wide awake for about 30 minutes before going back to sleep . I woke up on my own at about noon for a change . I woke before my alarm , which is so unusual for me . I don 't generally wake up before my alarm on a day where I need to get up early for teaching . I was so excited about lessons today though because Camille is back ! Yes , my little one that had moved and quit because I was too far away , well , she is back ! Camille will have every other week lessons for an hour each . I am so thankful she is back . I missed her ! She is such a good student . Brianna had to cancel and reschedule for next week because of Father 's Day . I was disappointed but it IS Father 's Day weekend . I am not sure when she is going to have her lesson next week , but I should find out next week sometime . Emily had her lesson today instead of yesterday because she went to a birthday party . She had a good time . Apparently , they went swimming and played tag . All in all , it was a good teaching day since I did have Camille and Emily . I have no lessons tomorrow . Tomorrow in church they are going to have a special something for Father 's Day . I imagine afterwards I will be taking my usual after church nap ! Other than that , I have no plans . I did some laundry today so I am set for the week . I am not sure how much weight I have lost but these shorts are actually getting a bit big so I am glad about that . I am trying not to weigh myself because I can get upset over numbers and I am trying to not be upset over numbers . It is about being healthy , not a number on the scale . My friend , Missy had the sleeve surgery . So far she has lost about 140 pounds . I am so proud of her . She had the surgery a year ago . At first she had a lot of problems , but I think they have been worked out . I did think of surgery a year ago , but since I have a blood disorder , I am not a candidate . I also know several people who had the different surgeries and have had problems ever since . I don 't want to wait a year to have the surgery too because there is so much stuff you have to do before hand . But since I am not a candidate , none of it matters in the long run . Besides , you have to change your eating lifestyle before and after the surgery so I am just changing my eating lifestyle now . It has been since May 26 . That was the day I changed how and what I ate . I have done pretty well so far . I have had a small piece of cake with raspberries in the frosting , but I only ate one piece , which is good for me . Pretty much each day I have eaten lots of vegetables . That was my goal , to eat healthier and lots of vegetables . I have wonderful berries in the fridge right now . I will have some for dessert tonight . A bowl of blueberries and strawberries without cream ( I don 't have any and I don 't want any ) maybe a bit of milk . I am working on drinking more milk . That is still rather hard since I don 't eat a lot of cereal anymore . I did buy some better for me cereal since the type that I have in the house is Captain Crunch , which is FILLED with sugar . I am starting to feel a bit better with the pain level now that I eat better . I figure in about a year I will have lost a lot a weight and I will really be feeling better . I do not expect all the fibro pain to go away because I will still have Fibro , but it should help some of the arthritis pain as welAnyways , I will be heading to bed in a short while . I am still on Harry Potter number 6 . I am not sure if I will finish it tomorrow or not , but I am not in a hurry so it doesn 't matter when I finish it . I had physical therapy again today . I was able to do a few more reps with several of the exercises today . I did the chair exercise a bit longer today than Monday but it still was really , really , really hard . It just is one of the hardest ones I have ever done . I had Kathy try it and she was like , you can keep this exercise . I only have to do this for 2 more weeks . I am going to learn a few more new exercises to do here at home . My therapist was asking how the pain level was coming along . He was disappointed that the pain level hasn 't really gone down . However , I did explain that the pain level and movement level has improved since starting physical therapy so that is good . I don 't expect to have the pain level down too much because of the Fibro . I do hope the arthritis pain goes down though especially as the weight goes down too . I am pretty tired today from the therapy , which I actually expected to be . Tomorrow , I will get to see one of my former students , Frank ! I haven 't seen him in about 1 1 / 2 years . He is going to be a senior in the fall . It is so hard to believe that he is going to be a senior . It seems like yesterday he was starting high school . He lives in Georgia now and he is still playing piano , which makes me very happy . I hope he will play something for me tomorrow . I miss listening to him play , he plays so well . I can only imagine what he sounds like now ! After we visit , I will be taking him to his grandmother 's house . His mom is taking his younger brother , Tony to Novi tomorrow for another visit . I so miss this student . He was one of the few who came here after the store closed . I know Bob and Acer ( and family ! ) miss him too . We are friends on facebook too . I love facebook . I am still working on book 6 of the Harry Potter books . I should finish by this weekend . Tomorrow I will be super busy with Frank 's visit , teaching a few lessons , and choir practice . Next week i will miss all lessons and choir practice since I am having my lovely scope that day . Yuck , I am not looking forward to this one . Missing was released on DVD today . I will get it when I go to the store tomorrow . I also need to pick up a prescription . It is about $ 150 . Yes , I said , $ 150 . It is an asthma medicine . I have 2 others to get filled too . I so hope they are not that much money . I will find out tomorrow I suppose . It has been a strange type day as I had no lessons . That is unusual for the weekdays , usually it is on Saturday or Sunday when I don 't have lessons . David and one new student that starts next week are the only ones on Tuesdays at this point . I do hope for a few more by the end of the month . I had a doctor 's appointment with my primary care doctor this afternoon . I had an EKG , breathing test , and lots of blood test , 3 tubes full , which I suppose isn 't the most I have ever had , but still , it is a lot of tubes . I know have some anxiety medicine since my anxiety has been creeping back up again . I do not like that so , hopefully this will help . I have to make sure that Doctor Gradolph gets both the x - rays of my hands and the results of my scope next week . I can 't believe it is next week already . yuck , it is coming up wayyyyyy to soon for me . I would postpone it to forever away if I had my way . I suppose it is the reason why I DON " T get my way . Anyways , I had the lovely breathing test and much to my surprise ( I really WAS surprised ) , my asthma is not doing as well as I thought . Yeah , I now have the above mentioned asthma medicine . I also got my emergency inhaler refilled so I have it incase I have an asthma attack . I am doing pretty well with eating healthy . I didn 't even have any dessert at the subdivision meeting . Our subdivision is having a block party next month . I am to call 10 of our neighbors to let them know and see if they are interested in going . I will call at the end of the month . I have until July 15 to call . I also have to bring 4 tables to the party . I have lived here since I was a little baby and have never gone to a block party so this is my first one ever . It should be rather interesting . I will ride my scooter down for a while . I have physical therapy again tomorrow . It shall be interesting ! I am being evaluated to see how I am doing . I hope I can do some of the exercises I couldn 't really do Monday . Then I have a few lessons . My little ones are tomorrow , 2 five year olds and 1 seven year old . They are doing so well and are very cute too . This is there last week of school so they may have earlier times starting next week for the summer . I had physical therapy today and boy , am I sore ! It is a good sore though compared to regular pain . I will do my other exercises tomorrow morning and then Wednesday I will have another session at Physical Therapy . I couldn 't do some of the exercises as much as he wanted , but I did do the best that I could . Some of the exercises were the same as last Wednesday , but that is okay . I do hope that on Wednesday I will do as much as the therapist wants . I am getting evaluated again on Wednesday to check my progress . I just hope I won 't still be super sore like I am tonight . I am really tired tonight , I think from the exercises and getting up super early to visit with Jennie . Jennie came over and we put my boxes that have been sitting on my dresser for about 4 years back in the closet on the high shelf where they belong . We then went through about 4 boxes in the spare room . We found 3 boxes full of cards , photos , invitations , and other things like that . The pictures were pretty funny or at least the ones for the 80s with big hair . I picked up Calli about 1 pm today . We then headed to the grocery store . We had such a great time , we usually do . I didn 't get as much as usual because I have plenty in my freezer so I didn 't need to much . I did need fruit though so I got strawberries , blueberries , and raspberries . Calli really likes strawberries so she had some when we got back to my house . Calli is so much fun to take grocery shopping . As usual , we stopped at Subway first for our drinks . Calli gets really thirsty when we grocery shop . I do too . I only had a super sugary cereal so I had to pick up another box without much sugar . I plan to mix the two together so there will be less sugar . After we finished grocery shopping , we came back to my house to put the food away . Calli helps with this two . She knows where everything goes , mostly . Calli washed and dried my hair . She french braided it into 2 french braids . I will have nice and wavy hair for church tomorrow . I like my hair wavy after it has been braided the day before . Calli and I chatted away after that while she played catch with a rice crispie treat . That was pretty funny . She caught the treat more often than she missed so she catches rather well . I don 't know who was laughing more , Calli or me . We had a good time . Tomorrow I will be getting up rather early . I also need to get my hands x - rayed sometime in the near future . I just haven 't done it yet . I actually completely forgot about it . Whoops ! What was I thinking ? Oh yeah , I wasn 't . Anyways , I will get it done in the next few weeks . Physical Therapy is going rather well . I am happy with how I am doing , I just wish I could do a bit more . Perhaps after the month is up , I will be able to have better endurance . That is my goal , endurance and strength . What an interesting time at Physical Therapy today . I did my stretches and my bike riding before I did other exercises . Some were rather hard . One of them was especially hard but I hope that tomorrow I will be okay to do it myself . You sit on a rolling chair and use your heels to move the chair . I went up and down the row like I was supposed to . It was a hard one , let me tell you . I also did some other resistance type of exercises too . My legs are a bit sore and so are my arms , but it is different kind of pain , from using the muscles instead of the fibro or arthritis pain . I call this the good kind of pain . My knee was getting a bit sore from the bike riding but I was able to do 6 minutes . I was happy about that . I think on Monday I may go up to 7 or 8 minutes . I did remember my inhaler but I didn 't need it . I forgot to give the Therapist my emergency info sheet . I hope I will remember it on Monday . Tuesday afternoon is when I have my appointment with Dr . G . I will mention how my anxiety is getting a bit worse these days . I am not sure why , but I have high anxiety again . I think I need to have some medicine on hand for when the anxiety gets really bad . I am hoping that it will go done again like it did a few months ago . It seems every few months it gets really bad for about a month or so and then it goes down again . It is back up again . I had the three little ones ' piano lesson today . All three are doing really well and are almost ready for new books . Aubrey has 5 songs left in her books and the twins have 3 songs left in their books . Michelle ( their Mom ) and I have decided to keep the twins in the prep series for now and perhaps after level D move them to the regular basic series that Aubrey is in . Aubrey is almost ready for level 2 . I am so pleased about their progress . It is hard to believe that they actually started only in December . It is really hard to believe that . Allison also had her lesson . She is is auditioning for a play on Saturday . One of the local theatres are going to do " Spring Awakening " for the summer . Since Allison knows " Candle on the Water " really well , that is what she is going to sing for her audition . I asked her not to wait until next week to let me know if she got in or not . I hope she does well . Allison wants to be an actress and will be starting to take Theatre Classes in the fall at the local college . I finally finished Harry Potter number 5 last night . I started number 6 this morning . I also did break down and buy the 50 Shades of Grey book 1 . I hope it is good . My friends who have read it said it was . Becky read them all and said they were great so I am hoping it is as good as she and others say . Saturday is grocery shopping day after Brianna 's lesson . Calli is coming with me as usual . I have to get some milk and a few other things . I don 't have a long list this time , mostly fruit and veggies . I have enough meat for the month so that is not a problem . Acer told me that he will come next month because Calli will be out of town and not able to go with me . I smiled at that . I will bring him next month while Calli is getting her leader dog . I can 't wait to meet her leader dog . It is hard to believe that at 12 she is ready for a leader dog , but she is . Tomorrow is my biggest teaching day . I have the most lessons on that day . Tuesday , Saturday , and Sunday are my light days . I only have about 1 lesson on each of those days . Many of my students will be out of school either this week or next week . Rachel is out Thursday as well as Faith . Charlie finished last week because he is graduating this weekend . He was the first of my students to get out of school . Tomorrow is the 2nd day of actual physical therapy . Before I go to sleep I will be doing all my exercises . Maybe I will sleep better . It is hard to say . My legs are a bit sorer than usual tonight because of the stretches yesterday . I don 't mind though . It is a good kind of hurt unlike the fibro or the arthritis pain . I am looking forward to the physical therapy tomorrow . I wonder what kind of exercises I will be doing tomorrow . When I get there , I am to go on the bike right away so I will . I even did 5 minutes without an asthma attack or extra pain in the legs or hips ! It was a nice thing . Now I want one of the bikes . I don 't want the elliptical or the stair climber anymore . I am not suppose to use them because they are too hard on my back and hips but the bike is perfect . I use the bike that the legs are in front of you , not like the regular stationary bike . I just checked the price of the type of the stationary bike I want . It is only about $ 130 plus tax . I plan to get it this month . Here is a piece of exercise equipment that I can actually use and not get an asthma attack with it . I will wait until the end of the month to see how I do with the bike at physical therapy . I am hopeful that I will continue to do alright with it and be able to buy my own for me to use . I am getting a bit tired now . I am almost done with HP number 5 now . I am so close to the end . I should be starting number 6 tomorrow . I figure by next week I should be finished with all of them again . I have an appointment with Dr . G next Tuesday . I am not sure why he wants to see me other than it has been about a year since I last saw him . I have to get my protime done , get a new prescription for my emergency inhaler ( mine is about a year or so outdated ) , and the blood tests that Dr . A wants done . I foresee giving up a lot of my blood and I don 't give it up willingly ! I just wish they could get it out another way that was less painful . It is a bit cold out again this week . It is suppose to warm up by the weekend . I suspect we are going to have a strange summer since we had a strange winter . Yesterday was a fun day . I went to church as usual . After church , I came home for my usual after church nap . Then I went to get my salad for dinner . Carolyn came over with a song choice for us to sing at church . We are going to sing " I Will Rise " by Chris Tomlin . I am going to order the sheet music tomorrow so I can learn it really well . I am not sure when Carolyn and I are going to sing the song for Lee , our choir director . So Carolyn and I were chatting away when I got hungry so I asked if she wanted to split the burrito bowl that I had bought earlier in the day . We split it and had more fun . Her mother called to invite me to dinner after that and to watch a movie with them so I went . We watched more of the Dr . Quinn , Medicine Woman series . It was a double episode . It was very good . The Hubel family is such a nice family . They live right down the road from me . Their children are such good kids . They all get along well too , which is nice to see . In my house , we three didn 't always get along , but mostly ( until we were teenagers ) my younger brother and I got along really well . It was just when there were the three of us , we fought . I had my first day of the actual therapy for physical therapy . I learned a couple of stretches for my legs that he wants me to do . I also have about 6 or so exercises to do each day . I am a bit sore in the legs from the stretches but that is okay , I don 't mind . I also had the electro heat too . I had these pads attached to my back and then I had to lie down on a heating type pad for about 15 minutes . It felt nice and I think maybe it helped a bit . I am planning to sell my elliptical machine and save for a stationary type bike . I actually rode the bike for 5 minutes ! Without an inhaler needed ! No asthma attack ! I forgot to bring my inhaler with me to therapy . The Physical Therapist will like me to bring my inhaler incase I do too much and need my inhaler . It is definitely a good idea , but I hadn 't thought about bringing it . I will on Wednesday . I am tired from the therapy tonight too , but I don 't mind that either since it was good to be able some exercises and stretches . I am planning to head for bed soon too because I am so tired tonight . I can sleep in tomorrow though so that is great . Rachel had her lesson this afternoon . She is in level C in the Alfred Prep books . She has been playing for almost a year now . Today , she was a bit silly during flash cards , but since she answered them , I had to kind of chuckle . Rachel likes to have stuffed animals on the piano when she plays . Today she had by mini beanie baby on the piano . The dog jingles when you shake it . It is a very cute little white dog . sometimes she will have the musical stuffed animals on the piano , other times the beanie babies . It is interesting to see what animals she will pick every week . Isaac had his lesson too . He is working on " Hedwig 's Theme " for piano right now . I need to copy a couple of songs for him next week . He has almost sung all the songs in the book we are using right now . When Isaac turns 12 next year , we will start some of the Italian pieces . Tomorrow teaching is very very light , I only have Bob and David . Bob is tomorrow instead of today because I have therapy until the time of his regularly scheduled lesson so we rescheduled to tomorrow . My little Rahul and Samuel will have their lessons on Friday instead of Tuesday for a bit . I am not sure for how long , but whatever day works for their mom , works for me . I am still on Harry Potter number 5 . I am about 3 / 4 of the way through as of tonight . I am at the part when Harry is in Dumbledor 's office after being caught with the DA group . These are such good books . I debated about getting that " 50 shades of Grey " book . All my friends say they are good books , maybe next week . I do have 2 new books to read when I am finished with the HP series and one of my favorite authors , Phillipa Gregory , has a new book out too . I noticed that when I went to Barnes and Noble on Friday when I met up with Star . Last night , after teaching , I went to Barnes and Noble to meet up with my friend , Star and a couple of her friends . It was a lot of fun . Her friends , Lydia ( who is absolutely beautiful ) and Veronica were really nice . The four of us , naturally , closed the store . After which , Lydia went back to school ( she lives at Oakland University ) and Veronica , Star , and I went to Ram 's Horn restaurant . Both Veronica and Star were hungry . We stayed until about 11 : 30 and then we went home . I got home about midnight . I have no lessons today or tomorrow . I usually have about 1 each day , but this weekend , I have none . Tomorrow I will be getting up early for church and then I have no idea what I will do . I am not used to having 2 days in a row without teaching or something to do . I went to Chipotle for lunch today and got a salad for dinner . So far , it has been 3 Saturdays since I got mad at myself and starting eating healthy . I am very happy with that decision I made . I am feeling better even if I haven 't lost too much weight with this yet . I am hopeful though . Law and Order SVU is on right now . It is a marathon as usual since it is a weekend . There is also a marathon on tomorrow night . I just downloaded most of the songs we are singing tomorrow . 2 of them only had the lyrics , no music with it so I didn 't download those 2 . I am going to go over the music before tomorrow so I am somewhat familiar with the music as I have never song these songs before . I do know the song we are singing as a choir tomorrow . We have sung the choir song before . Tomorrow is also communion . I am not sure where we are doing communion because last time choir had their communion in the choir room . I will find out tomorrow . I saw Carolyn on Thursday after the sub meeting . She and her sister , Melissa couldn 't figure out why I wasn 't at choir because normally when I miss , I call to let them now so they won 't worry as I know that they do . Since Barbara Jean knew I would be a the meeting , it wasn 't a problem . Barbara Jean just forgot to let the girls now . I did tell the choir director about missing . We use this program called Planning Center Online . This is how we let the director know what Sundays we will be there or not be there . Last week was an exception for me as I didn 't feel to well so I had to miss church . My left hand fingers are so sore today . I am sure it is because I am not taking the Meloxicam now . I have been with a bit of dizziness from not taking it . I figure in about a week it should be better . I have noticed an increase in leg and hip pain at night because of not being about to take the Meloxicam anymore . I hope that the pain decreases with the physical therapy . I start the actual therapy on Monday . I have to see Dr . G this week when I get my protime test . I am not sure why except for maybe it has been a while since I saw him or he wants to talk about the lovely ulcer . I am not sure , I just know when I got my protime results last month , the receptionist said he wanted to see me so I will go and see him . I also have the blood test requests from Dr . A from last week . That is just way tI think I am going to read for a while . I am still on Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix . I am at the part where they are going back to Hogwarts ' after the Christmas Holiday when Arthur Weasley got attacked by Voldemort 's snake . The movie to number 5 isn 't one of my favorites , yet it is still really good . One of these days I am going to read a book , then watch the movie , then read the next book , watch the next movie until I see them all . I forgot to do that when I started re - reading the books . I have 2 new books for when I am finished the Harry Potter books . Oh , a funny thing happened on the way home from the movie last week . Hannah was sitting in the back seat right behind me and she noticed that I have almost black hair . She pointed out that my initials were the same as Harry Potter and we both have green eyes ( mine are hazel green ) not to mention the black hair like Harry . We all had a good giggle after that ! Shows how much we love Harry Potter ! I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
It was a quiet day here today . I had 3 lessons . Tomorrow I have Isaac again . This is a make up for next week . I have to get up at 9 : 30 am again for his lesson . I don 't mind . I also will have my monthly ( in this case , biweekly ) protime blood test . I don 't know why I have to have it in two weeks this time , but that is what the doctor required so I will go . I just hoped I could have waited a month this time like last month . Oh well I am not the one in charge , Dr . G is . Laith had his lesson for the first time in about a month . His mother has been ill so he has missed the lessons . He is so silly and funny . When he arrives , he races to the chair or the couch and covers himself up with a blanket . I always have blankets in the living room . He waits for me to come and get him . It is a routine for him . I got him and then he went to the piano . He played his lesson very well . Even though he didn 't practice too much , Laith played his songs well . Selma had her lesson too . She is just flying through her books . I did get her a fun book that goes with the series . It has some songs she knows and a few that she doesn 't but I think she will like them too . So far she likes the book . Selma got sunburned today . Her arms and legs are so red . I felt so bad for her because she isn 't going to be able sleep too well with that sunburn . I try to stay out of the sun because I don 't tan well , I just burn not to mention that I get sick from the sun too . If I am out in the sun for a long time , I have to wear a hat so I don 't become too ill . Rizzoli and Isles in on TV right now . I really like this show . I found it by accident . It is on the same time as NCIS Los Angeles and I don 't have a DVR . Fortunately , NCIS Los Angeles is in re - runs so I can watch this and not miss a thing . It seems the shows I like are always on the same night . Not on nights I have nothing to watch , always at the same time . Mirror Mirror came out today but i can 't get it until next week when I get my check . I plan to watch the special features first . Snow White totally kicked butt and saved the prince . I liked that about the movie . She got the guy and she kicked butt . The sword fighting was super cool . The beast was pretty neat too . It was interesting how she fought the beast . I can 't tell you anymore because I will spoil the movie 's ending and I don 't want to do that . It is a good , entertaining movie . Tomorrow is also physical therapy again . I have occupational therapy for my hands and shoulder next Tuesday . I am not sure what occupational therapy is about , I am just going to try it . I also need to get my hands x - rayed . I should have done that last week , but I forgot . Whoops ! I had the time too . I need to call and get the hours for their outpatient x - ray department . I know I went on a Saturday before and that they also had Sunday hours . I will call tomorrow . Well , I met with Star yesterday . I picked her up and we went to the bookstore together . We had a nice time chatting together . We talked a lot about dance . Both Star and I danced for a very long time . She through out her childhood and me through out high school and college . I do miss dance and I would love to dance again , but with my illnesses , there is no way I could ever dance again . Star also has fibromyalgia and her hips , knees , and feet are messed up from dance . I can totally sympathize because my hips , knees , and ankles are bad from dance too . So anyways , Star and I were getting ready to leave because the store was closing and this man walks up to me . He asks me if I am married . I said no , then he asked if he could give me his phone number and would I call him ? Oh my , what can I say ? I did say yes , although I don 't have any intention of calling him . I just don 't . I didn 't know what to say so I didn 't really say anything . It has been years since I was hit on . It was such a shock to me . I was stunned and speechless ( I know , speechless , me ? ) I got my blood tests results back that Dr . A ordered . She is my arthritis doctor . My hemoglobin is very low , much lower than they were in November , which tells her somewhere I am bleeding again . She is going to have iron studies done . I have another test I need to do for the tummy doctor so I will do it this week . I keep forgetting about it . It just isn 't at the top of my mind or list of things to do but I will do them now . I had a busy morning and early afternoon today . Isaac had his lesson earlier than usual because his mom had a conflict at his regular time . Rachel and Brianna had their lessons before I went to physical therapy . Physical therapy went okay , not great , but okay . I am happy with how things are going but my physical therapist really isn 't since the pain level doesn 't seem to go down past a 5 . For me , 5 is a good number . I usually have pain around a 5 on the scale of 1 to 10 . The pain is better and I keep telling him it is . At night , when the pain is the worst , it is much better than it used to be . I have had a very , very , very quiet day as in no lessons or phone calls or anything like that . I went and ran some errands . I needed to pick up some medicine , one prescription and the other over the counter , and I needed gas . I don 't like going to low on gas so today was perfect to go and get some . I also stopped at the usual to pick up my salad for dinner . It was a month ago , today , that I got mad and started eating healthy . I am feeling better , I have even noticed I am not as tired during the day as I used to be . Hm , must be something about that . I won 't dwell too much on that . There is not much on TV on Saturday at about 6 pm . I have checked every channel and no , there is just not much on unless you like sports , which I really don 't except for gymnastics and ice skating . I am watching the end of Game Plan . I have seen this before and I do have it on DVD . It is a good movie , but I wanted one with more action and stuff . Okay , that movie is now over and the TV is off . Maybe I will actually put in one of the many DVDs that I haven 't watched yet . We 'll see . Tomorrow I will be meeting up with Star . I am looking forward to that . I was supposed to see her last week , but she wasn 't feeling up to it . She is feeling a bit better this weekend so we are going to get together tomorrow afternoon or evening . I am not sure which but some time tomorrow . I am rather tired this evening . I think sometimes not having lessons or plans for a day can be more tiring than a day with lessons or plans . Tomorrow I will take my customary after church nap and then go see Star . Carolyn and I are hopefully going to be practicing our song this week so we can sing it for Lee . I really like the song she picked for us and she can play her ukulele with it . That will sound so awesome I think . We sing well together , I think . We just need to sing it for Lee to see if he thinks it is appropriate for the service . Well , I am going to read for a bit now before I turn the TV back on with a movie in it . I think I will watch something I have that I haven 't seen yet . I have many choices . Oh , and speaking of movies , Mirror Mirror comes out on Tuesday ! I can 't wait ! I am planning to get it . I love how Snow White kicks butt and how evil Julia Robert 's character is . She is awesome , not to mention the king is really hot too ( Sean Bean ) . I can 't believe it is Friday again . Wow , already ? It did help that I totally slept most of yesterday and last night . I had my scope at 9 am yesterday . My friend , Heather B - T 's mom drove me home and then she picked up her mom from my house . I am very thankful for the help since I was not allowed to drive yesterday at all because they knocked me out for the test . ( Thank God for that ! I am sure I would throw up if they didn 't - oh wait - I did do that once ! ) I had some lunch since I couldn 't eat before the scope and then headed straight to bed . I woke up again at about 4 and then was back in bed by 5 until 10 . I was back in bed by 11 until this morning . I did wake up earlier than usual because I had slept so much yesterday . My ulcer is healed , the only thing left is some irritation where the ulcer was . I am to stay on the prilosec and the xantac though . I guess in case I get another one or to prevent another one . I didn 't ask so I am not sure why , I just know to stay on it . It seems like I take a pharmacy of medicine daily . However , I have eliminated some medicine so my pharmacy isn 't as big as it used to be . I suppose that is a good thing . I have no lessons this weekend again . It seems so weird to have a weekend to myself . I am meeting with Star on Sunday sometime after church . I can 't wait because we have such a great time together and she has been a bit sad lately . I hope I can cheer her up a bit . We will probably go to Barnes and Nobles or Ram 's Horn for the afternoon or evening . We can talk up a storm , she and I . Kelly won 't be able to come with us this time since she is going to be at a family thing this weekend . I spoke to Kathy today . I also got to speak to Samantha and Alicia . They are having a good summer so far and they were trying to help mom paint her toenails . I laughed at that . I can only imagine how two 5 year olds can help mom do that . We were talking about MacGyver and how much we loved that show and Richard Dean Anderson . He was ( and still is ! ) so hot ! Anyways , we had good giggles talking about the video she and Amy made when we were in college . It was the greatest moments of MacGyver . It was a fun video and I laughed when I finally got to see it . Kathy is hoping to someday take it to a place where they can convert it to a DVD and then she will also make me a copy . I know we will laugh a lot with that video . It was really funny then and since we still think he is hot , it will be funny now . I really hope she does that . I want to see it again . Calli and Acer had their lessons today . I haven 't seen them in a few weeks due to illnesses and such but they were here for their lessons . I have to get out the Over the Rainbow for Calli . i forgot today . I also need to get some new music for Natalie this week as well as copy the double trouble song for the 3 of them . I will type the words for Brianna and put it on the flash drive for her . Calli will have to braille it out because her notetaker had to be given back this year . I wish I had enough money to buy her one so she would have it all the time , but they are very expensive and I don 't have the money . She forgot her stylus today so we couldn 't braille out the new part to Per La Gloria . She only had to learn 2 new lines so it isn 't too much , but one of the words is really hard . I think she got it pretty well . Natalie is finishing up her Italian song so I need to get her another one . I also need to copy her I 'm Gonna Wash that Boy song . I made her change the words from Man to Boy because she is only 12 and it creeps me out to hear a 12 year old sing man . I mean , really , she shouldn 't be into men , just boys . She didn 't seem to care that I had her change it . Well , I am almost done reading the Harry Potter series again . I think by next week I will be finished with it . Probably by the end of the week , I think . Then I will need something new to read again . I have some other trilogies and series I could re - read too so I may just do that . I might go to the used bookstore and see what they have of the authors that I like . Either way , I always have something to read . It is supposed to be the low 80s this weekend . I am glad for the relief . It has been super hot already and it is only just beyond the mid of June . I don 't want to think how hot July will be although with the strange weather we have had all winter , July might be colder than June since April was colder than March . I do live in a weird weather state right now . I am so thankful for friends . I know at times I need to let them know how much I appreciate them . I am really blessed because my friends are so good to me . It is partly why I didn 't want to move . I like it here a lot and I am settled here . I have my students here too . I am not that far away from my family either so that is good . I just feel this is where I should be so I am . This month is flying by me . It just is . I have a no lesson weekend coming up again . I am hoping to meet up with Star and Kelly . Star was not feeling too well last week so I am hopeful for this week . It is so nice to be friends with former students . I am friends with several former students who are now all grown up . I have attended weddings of former students too . Other than church and visiting with the girls , I have no plans this weekend at this point . I had a few lessons this afternoon . I had my Richards ' girls . They are so sweet and are playing so well . They started at the end of December and all three are in their 3rd book already ! They are only 5 and 7 years old ! Yeah , they are so amazing . Her mom and I decided to go to a straight 1 / 2 hour for each instead of 20 minutes each because we go over all the time and they need 30 minutes each at this point . The twins , Jillian and Brooke are starting level C in the prep series and Aubrey is starting level 2 in the basic series . All 3 girls know their notes so well . They are just so cute . I had a new student , Minh ( 25 years old ) today too . I have to pick up some books for her . She is a beginner . David also had his lesson . We had an hour today because he missed last week . He is doing well with the songs he is singing . He has the most trouble with the Italian piece , but that is to be expected as it is the hardest piece he has . Tomorrow , I only have 1 , which is okay because I had the Richards ' girls today instead of tomorrow . I also have physical therapy tomorrow . I have 3 ( I think ) sessions left . I know I at least have 2 sessions if not 3 . I don 't know if they count the initial visit as the first session or not . It was just to see my range of motion and to test my strength level . I also ached so much that day . Lately , the pain has been less so I think the physical therapy has really helped me a lot . I have been working on my home exercises too . I guess that this is better than taking more medicine . I also am hoping the new medicine will help with some of the pain as well as my anxiety . I haven 't had any anxiety attacks lately , but my anxiety has been pretty high lately . It isn 't as high as it was right after Mom died , but at times it feels just way too high for me . I need to have it lower . I teach and function much better with less anxiety . It has been a few years since I have had medicine for anxiety but I think it is time to have it again for a while until I have it under control again . I have my scope on Thursday . I hope my ulcer is better . I guess i will find out on Thursday . I hope I don 't have to have a scope for a long time . I won 't be teaching that day either so it makes it bad all around . Thursday is my busy day and it is choir too . I will be missing choir on Thursday night because of the scope . I will also miss my students . I will sleep most of the day though , if it is anything like last time . Heather 's mom is driving me home . I am not sure exactly how she will get home from here or when she will go home but I know Heather has it all under control . Tomorrow I will find out exactly what time I have to be there . So far it is 9 am . That is just so early in the morning for me . I am so not a morning person . I don 't get crabby or mean or anything like that . I am just really out of it and it takes me a few minutes to realize I am actually awake sometimes . I used to come down the stairs and sit on the bottom step when I was young . My brothers used to get in my face and ask me if I was awake yet . I would look at them with like , huh , what ? kind of looks . I didn 't really like it when they did this , but they found it amusing . Sometimes my mom would ask them to leave me alone and let me wake up . I have always been hard to wake up that is just me . I am not with it in the morning . I am much more a day person . It is so hot outside today , about 96 degrees with lots of humidity . I am not sure the percentage , but it feels super high . It is supposed to be hot tomorrow and then lower 80s for the rest of the week . It is supposed to rain on Thursday but not until then . My grass is turning a beautiful shade of brown . I don 't really care too much right now . Wow , it is the end of the week already . I don 't remember a week going so fast . I remember Wednesday and the suddenly , it is Saturday . I was going to hang out with my friend , Star but she is not feeling too well and having a rough day . Maybe next week as I won 't have any lessons again for the weekend . Kelly wants to get together too so maybe the three of us can hang out together . I am watching RV on TV again . I have the movie and I have seen it several times . It is a very funny movie , very funny . Then again , it is Robin Williams . Kristen Chenoweth is also in it and I just love her . She sings beautifully too . Tomorrow is Father 's Day . I tend to ignore that day . It is a day that I use to buy Mom stuff because in reality she had to be both Mom and Dad from the time I was young . I actually really don 't remember him at all . I only know what he looks like because I found an old photo album that had a picture of him in it . it does make sense that I don 't remember him as I haven 't seen in over 35 years . I don 't really know if he is even alive at this point , although I doubt it . He would be 80 something at this point . I tried to find him when I was in my 20s , but I didn 't . Last I heard , he was in Texas . That is where the stepmonster is from . I didn 't like her too much . She didn 't like us either . I remember right after Dad got remarried ( for the 3rd time ) she told us to call her Mommy . Yeah , that didn 't fly too much with me as I had a Mommy and she was in Michigan . At the time , Dad lived in Ohio . I do hope that tomorrow goes by quickly . Last night I went to bed super early because I was so tired . Unfortunately , I woke up again at 2 am and was wide awake for about 30 minutes before going back to sleep . I woke up on my own at about noon for a change . I woke before my alarm , which is so unusual for me . I don 't generally wake up before my alarm on a day where I need to get up early for teaching . I was so excited about lessons today though because Camille is back ! Yes , my little one that had moved and quit because I was too far away , well , she is back ! Camille will have every other week lessons for an hour each . I am so thankful she is back . I missed her ! She is such a good student . Brianna had to cancel and reschedule for next week because of Father 's Day . I was disappointed but it IS Father 's Day weekend . I am not sure when she is going to have her lesson next week , but I should find out next week sometime . Emily had her lesson today instead of yesterday because she went to a birthday party . She had a good time . Apparently , they went swimming and played tag . All in all , it was a good teaching day since I did have Camille and Emily . I have no lessons tomorrow . Tomorrow in church they are going to have a special something for Father 's Day . I imagine afterwards I will be taking my usual after church nap ! Other than that , I have no plans . I did some laundry today so I am set for the week . I am not sure how much weight I have lost but these shorts are actually getting a bit big so I am glad about that . I am trying not to weigh myself because I can get upset over numbers and I am trying to not be upset over numbers . It is about being healthy , not a number on the scale . My friend , Missy had the sleeve surgery . So far she has lost about 140 pounds . I am so proud of her . She had the surgery a year ago . At first she had a lot of problems , but I think they have been worked out . I did think of surgery a year ago , but since I have a blood disorder , I am not a candidate . I also know several people who had the different surgeries and have had problems ever since . I don 't want to wait a year to have the surgery too because there is so much stuff you have to do before hand . But since I am not a candidate , none of it matters in the long run . Besides , you have to change your eating lifestyle before and after the surgery so I am just changing my eating lifestyle now . It has been since May 26 . That was the day I changed how and what I ate . I have done pretty well so far . I have had a small piece of cake with raspberries in the frosting , but I only ate one piece , which is good for me . Pretty much each day I have eaten lots of vegetables . That was my goal , to eat healthier and lots of vegetables . I have wonderful berries in the fridge right now . I will have some for dessert tonight . A bowl of blueberries and strawberries without cream ( I don 't have any and I don 't want any ) maybe a bit of milk . I am working on drinking more milk . That is still rather hard since I don 't eat a lot of cereal anymore . I did buy some better for me cereal since the type that I have in the house is Captain Crunch , which is FILLED with sugar . I am starting to feel a bit better with the pain level now that I eat better . I figure in about a year I will have lost a lot a weight and I will really be feeling better . I do not expect all the fibro pain to go away because I will still have Fibro , but it should help some of the arthritis pain as welAnyways , I will be heading to bed in a short while . I am still on Harry Potter number 6 . I am not sure if I will finish it tomorrow or not , but I am not in a hurry so it doesn 't matter when I finish it . I had physical therapy again today . I was able to do a few more reps with several of the exercises today . I did the chair exercise a bit longer today than Monday but it still was really , really , really hard . It just is one of the hardest ones I have ever done . I had Kathy try it and she was like , you can keep this exercise . I only have to do this for 2 more weeks . I am going to learn a few more new exercises to do here at home . My therapist was asking how the pain level was coming along . He was disappointed that the pain level hasn 't really gone down . However , I did explain that the pain level and movement level has improved since starting physical therapy so that is good . I don 't expect to have the pain level down too much because of the Fibro . I do hope the arthritis pain goes down though especially as the weight goes down too . I am pretty tired today from the therapy , which I actually expected to be . Tomorrow , I will get to see one of my former students , Frank ! I haven 't seen him in about 1 1 / 2 years . He is going to be a senior in the fall . It is so hard to believe that he is going to be a senior . It seems like yesterday he was starting high school . He lives in Georgia now and he is still playing piano , which makes me very happy . I hope he will play something for me tomorrow . I miss listening to him play , he plays so well . I can only imagine what he sounds like now ! After we visit , I will be taking him to his grandmother 's house . His mom is taking his younger brother , Tony to Novi tomorrow for another visit . I so miss this student . He was one of the few who came here after the store closed . I know Bob and Acer ( and family ! ) miss him too . We are friends on facebook too . I love facebook . I am still working on book 6 of the Harry Potter books . I should finish by this weekend . Tomorrow I will be super busy with Frank 's visit , teaching a few lessons , and choir practice . Next week i will miss all lessons and choir practice since I am having my lovely scope that day . Yuck , I am not looking forward to this one . Missing was released on DVD today . I will get it when I go to the store tomorrow . I also need to pick up a prescription . It is about $ 150 . Yes , I said , $ 150 . It is an asthma medicine . I have 2 others to get filled too . I so hope they are not that much money . I will find out tomorrow I suppose . It has been a strange type day as I had no lessons . That is unusual for the weekdays , usually it is on Saturday or Sunday when I don 't have lessons . David and one new student that starts next week are the only ones on Tuesdays at this point . I do hope for a few more by the end of the month . I had a doctor 's appointment with my primary care doctor this afternoon . I had an EKG , breathing test , and lots of blood test , 3 tubes full , which I suppose isn 't the most I have ever had , but still , it is a lot of tubes . I know have some anxiety medicine since my anxiety has been creeping back up again . I do not like that so , hopefully this will help . I have to make sure that Doctor Gradolph gets both the x - rays of my hands and the results of my scope next week . I can 't believe it is next week already . yuck , it is coming up wayyyyyy to soon for me . I would postpone it to forever away if I had my way . I suppose it is the reason why I DON " T get my way . Anyways , I had the lovely breathing test and much to my surprise ( I really WAS surprised ) , my asthma is not doing as well as I thought . Yeah , I now have the above mentioned asthma medicine . I also got my emergency inhaler refilled so I have it incase I have an asthma attack . I am doing pretty well with eating healthy . I didn 't even have any dessert at the subdivision meeting . Our subdivision is having a block party next month . I am to call 10 of our neighbors to let them know and see if they are interested in going . I will call at the end of the month . I have until July 15 to call . I also have to bring 4 tables to the party . I have lived here since I was a little baby and have never gone to a block party so this is my first one ever . It should be rather interesting . I will ride my scooter down for a while . I have physical therapy again tomorrow . It shall be interesting ! I am being evaluated to see how I am doing . I hope I can do some of the exercises I couldn 't really do Monday . Then I have a few lessons . My little ones are tomorrow , 2 five year olds and 1 seven year old . They are doing so well and are very cute too . This is there last week of school so they may have earlier times starting next week for the summer . I had physical therapy today and boy , am I sore ! It is a good sore though compared to regular pain . I will do my other exercises tomorrow morning and then Wednesday I will have another session at Physical Therapy . I couldn 't do some of the exercises as much as he wanted , but I did do the best that I could . Some of the exercises were the same as last Wednesday , but that is okay . I do hope that on Wednesday I will do as much as the therapist wants . I am getting evaluated again on Wednesday to check my progress . I just hope I won 't still be super sore like I am tonight . I am really tired tonight , I think from the exercises and getting up super early to visit with Jennie . Jennie came over and we put my boxes that have been sitting on my dresser for about 4 years back in the closet on the high shelf where they belong . We then went through about 4 boxes in the spare room . We found 3 boxes full of cards , photos , invitations , and other things like that . The pictures were pretty funny or at least the ones for the 80s with big hair . I picked up Calli about 1 pm today . We then headed to the grocery store . We had such a great time , we usually do . I didn 't get as much as usual because I have plenty in my freezer so I didn 't need to much . I did need fruit though so I got strawberries , blueberries , and raspberries . Calli really likes strawberries so she had some when we got back to my house . Calli is so much fun to take grocery shopping . As usual , we stopped at Subway first for our drinks . Calli gets really thirsty when we grocery shop . I do too . I only had a super sugary cereal so I had to pick up another box without much sugar . I plan to mix the two together so there will be less sugar . After we finished grocery shopping , we came back to my house to put the food away . Calli helps with this two . She knows where everything goes , mostly . Calli washed and dried my hair . She french braided it into 2 french braids . I will have nice and wavy hair for church tomorrow . I like my hair wavy after it has been braided the day before . Calli and I chatted away after that while she played catch with a rice crispie treat . That was pretty funny . She caught the treat more often than she missed so she catches rather well . I don 't know who was laughing more , Calli or me . We had a good time . Tomorrow I will be getting up rather early . I also need to get my hands x - rayed sometime in the near future . I just haven 't done it yet . I actually completely forgot about it . Whoops ! What was I thinking ? Oh yeah , I wasn 't . Anyways , I will get it done in the next few weeks . Physical Therapy is going rather well . I am happy with how I am doing , I just wish I could do a bit more . Perhaps after the month is up , I will be able to have better endurance . That is my goal , endurance and strength . What an interesting time at Physical Therapy today . I did my stretches and my bike riding before I did other exercises . Some were rather hard . One of them was especially hard but I hope that tomorrow I will be okay to do it myself . You sit on a rolling chair and use your heels to move the chair . I went up and down the row like I was supposed to . It was a hard one , let me tell you . I also did some other resistance type of exercises too . My legs are a bit sore and so are my arms , but it is different kind of pain , from using the muscles instead of the fibro or arthritis pain . I call this the good kind of pain . My knee was getting a bit sore from the bike riding but I was able to do 6 minutes . I was happy about that . I think on Monday I may go up to 7 or 8 minutes . I did remember my inhaler but I didn 't need it . I forgot to give the Therapist my emergency info sheet . I hope I will remember it on Monday . Tuesday afternoon is when I have my appointment with Dr . G . I will mention how my anxiety is getting a bit worse these days . I am not sure why , but I have high anxiety again . I think I need to have some medicine on hand for when the anxiety gets really bad . I am hoping that it will go done again like it did a few months ago . It seems every few months it gets really bad for about a month or so and then it goes down again . It is back up again . I had the three little ones ' piano lesson today . All three are doing really well and are almost ready for new books . Aubrey has 5 songs left in her books and the twins have 3 songs left in their books . Michelle ( their Mom ) and I have decided to keep the twins in the prep series for now and perhaps after level D move them to the regular basic series that Aubrey is in . Aubrey is almost ready for level 2 . I am so pleased about their progress . It is hard to believe that they actually started only in December . It is really hard to believe that . Allison also had her lesson . She is is auditioning for a play on Saturday . One of the local theatres are going to do " Spring Awakening " for the summer . Since Allison knows " Candle on the Water " really well , that is what she is going to sing for her audition . I asked her not to wait until next week to let me know if she got in or not . I hope she does well . Allison wants to be an actress and will be starting to take Theatre Classes in the fall at the local college . I finally finished Harry Potter number 5 last night . I started number 6 this morning . I also did break down and buy the 50 Shades of Grey book 1 . I hope it is good . My friends who have read it said it was . Becky read them all and said they were great so I am hoping it is as good as she and others say . Saturday is grocery shopping day after Brianna 's lesson . Calli is coming with me as usual . I have to get some milk and a few other things . I don 't have a long list this time , mostly fruit and veggies . I have enough meat for the month so that is not a problem . Acer told me that he will come next month because Calli will be out of town and not able to go with me . I smiled at that . I will bring him next month while Calli is getting her leader dog . I can 't wait to meet her leader dog . It is hard to believe that at 12 she is ready for a leader dog , but she is . Tomorrow is my biggest teaching day . I have the most lessons on that day . Tuesday , Saturday , and Sunday are my light days . I only have about 1 lesson on each of those days . Many of my students will be out of school either this week or next week . Rachel is out Thursday as well as Faith . Charlie finished last week because he is graduating this weekend . He was the first of my students to get out of school . Tomorrow is the 2nd day of actual physical therapy . Before I go to sleep I will be doing all my exercises . Maybe I will sleep better . It is hard to say . My legs are a bit sorer than usual tonight because of the stretches yesterday . I don 't mind though . It is a good kind of hurt unlike the fibro or the arthritis pain . I am looking forward to the physical therapy tomorrow . I wonder what kind of exercises I will be doing tomorrow . When I get there , I am to go on the bike right away so I will . I even did 5 minutes without an asthma attack or extra pain in the legs or hips ! It was a nice thing . Now I want one of the bikes . I don 't want the elliptical or the stair climber anymore . I am not suppose to use them because they are too hard on my back and hips but the bike is perfect . I use the bike that the legs are in front of you , not like the regular stationary bike . I just checked the price of the type of the stationary bike I want . It is only about $ 130 plus tax . I plan to get it this month . Here is a piece of exercise equipment that I can actually use and not get an asthma attack with it . I will wait until the end of the month to see how I do with the bike at physical therapy . I am hopeful that I will continue to do alright with it and be able to buy my own for me to use . I am getting a bit tired now . I am almost done with HP number 5 now . I am so close to the end . I should be starting number 6 tomorrow . I figure by next week I should be finished with all of them again . I have an appointment with Dr . G next Tuesday . I am not sure why he wants to see me other than it has been about a year since I last saw him . I have to get my protime done , get a new prescription for my emergency inhaler ( mine is about a year or so outdated ) , and the blood tests that Dr . A wants done . I foresee giving up a lot of my blood and I don 't give it up willingly ! I just wish they could get it out another way that was less painful . It is a bit cold out again this week . It is suppose to warm up by the weekend . I suspect we are going to have a strange summer since we had a strange winter . Yesterday was a fun day . I went to church as usual . After church , I came home for my usual after church nap . Then I went to get my salad for dinner . Carolyn came over with a song choice for us to sing at church . We are going to sing " I Will Rise " by Chris Tomlin . I am going to order the sheet music tomorrow so I can learn it really well . I am not sure when Carolyn and I are going to sing the song for Lee , our choir director . So Carolyn and I were chatting away when I got hungry so I asked if she wanted to split the burrito bowl that I had bought earlier in the day . We split it and had more fun . Her mother called to invite me to dinner after that and to watch a movie with them so I went . We watched more of the Dr . Quinn , Medicine Woman series . It was a double episode . It was very good . The Hubel family is such a nice family . They live right down the road from me . Their children are such good kids . They all get along well too , which is nice to see . In my house , we three didn 't always get along , but mostly ( until we were teenagers ) my younger brother and I got along really well . It was just when there were the three of us , we fought . I had my first day of the actual therapy for physical therapy . I learned a couple of stretches for my legs that he wants me to do . I also have about 6 or so exercises to do each day . I am a bit sore in the legs from the stretches but that is okay , I don 't mind . I also had the electro heat too . I had these pads attached to my back and then I had to lie down on a heating type pad for about 15 minutes . It felt nice and I think maybe it helped a bit . I am planning to sell my elliptical machine and save for a stationary type bike . I actually rode the bike for 5 minutes ! Without an inhaler needed ! No asthma attack ! I forgot to bring my inhaler with me to therapy . The Physical Therapist will like me to bring my inhaler incase I do too much and need my inhaler . It is definitely a good idea , but I hadn 't thought about bringing it . I will on Wednesday . I am tired from the therapy tonight too , but I don 't mind that either since it was good to be able some exercises and stretches . I am planning to head for bed soon too because I am so tired tonight . I can sleep in tomorrow though so that is great . Rachel had her lesson this afternoon . She is in level C in the Alfred Prep books . She has been playing for almost a year now . Today , she was a bit silly during flash cards , but since she answered them , I had to kind of chuckle . Rachel likes to have stuffed animals on the piano when she plays . Today she had by mini beanie baby on the piano . The dog jingles when you shake it . It is a very cute little white dog . sometimes she will have the musical stuffed animals on the piano , other times the beanie babies . It is interesting to see what animals she will pick every week . Isaac had his lesson too . He is working on " Hedwig 's Theme " for piano right now . I need to copy a couple of songs for him next week . He has almost sung all the songs in the book we are using right now . When Isaac turns 12 next year , we will start some of the Italian pieces . Tomorrow teaching is very very light , I only have Bob and David . Bob is tomorrow instead of today because I have therapy until the time of his regularly scheduled lesson so we rescheduled to tomorrow . My little Rahul and Samuel will have their lessons on Friday instead of Tuesday for a bit . I am not sure for how long , but whatever day works for their mom , works for me . I am still on Harry Potter number 5 . I am about 3 / 4 of the way through as of tonight . I am at the part when Harry is in Dumbledor 's office after being caught with the DA group . These are such good books . I debated about getting that " 50 shades of Grey " book . All my friends say they are good books , maybe next week . I do have 2 new books to read when I am finished with the HP series and one of my favorite authors , Phillipa Gregory , has a new book out too . I noticed that when I went to Barnes and Noble on Friday when I met up with Star . Last night , after teaching , I went to Barnes and Noble to meet up with my friend , Star and a couple of her friends . It was a lot of fun . Her friends , Lydia ( who is absolutely beautiful ) and Veronica were really nice . The four of us , naturally , closed the store . After which , Lydia went back to school ( she lives at Oakland University ) and Veronica , Star , and I went to Ram 's Horn restaurant . Both Veronica and Star were hungry . We stayed until about 11 : 30 and then we went home . I got home about midnight . I have no lessons today or tomorrow . I usually have about 1 each day , but this weekend , I have none . Tomorrow I will be getting up early for church and then I have no idea what I will do . I am not used to having 2 days in a row without teaching or something to do . I went to Chipotle for lunch today and got a salad for dinner . So far , it has been 3 Saturdays since I got mad at myself and starting eating healthy . I am very happy with that decision I made . I am feeling better even if I haven 't lost too much weight with this yet . I am hopeful though . Law and Order SVU is on right now . It is a marathon as usual since it is a weekend . There is also a marathon on tomorrow night . I just downloaded most of the songs we are singing tomorrow . 2 of them only had the lyrics , no music with it so I didn 't download those 2 . I am going to go over the music before tomorrow so I am somewhat familiar with the music as I have never song these songs before . I do know the song we are singing as a choir tomorrow . We have sung the choir song before . Tomorrow is also communion . I am not sure where we are doing communion because last time choir had their communion in the choir room . I will find out tomorrow . I saw Carolyn on Thursday after the sub meeting . She and her sister , Melissa couldn 't figure out why I wasn 't at choir because normally when I miss , I call to let them now so they won 't worry as I know that they do . Since Barbara Jean knew I would be a the meeting , it wasn 't a problem . Barbara Jean just forgot to let the girls now . I did tell the choir director about missing . We use this program called Planning Center Online . This is how we let the director know what Sundays we will be there or not be there . Last week was an exception for me as I didn 't feel to well so I had to miss church . My left hand fingers are so sore today . I am sure it is because I am not taking the Meloxicam now . I have been with a bit of dizziness from not taking it . I figure in about a week it should be better . I have noticed an increase in leg and hip pain at night because of not being about to take the Meloxicam anymore . I hope that the pain decreases with the physical therapy . I start the actual therapy on Monday . I have to see Dr . G this week when I get my protime test . I am not sure why except for maybe it has been a while since I saw him or he wants to talk about the lovely ulcer . I am not sure , I just know when I got my protime results last month , the receptionist said he wanted to see me so I will go and see him . I also have the blood test requests from Dr . A from last week . That is just way tI think I am going to read for a while . I am still on Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix . I am at the part where they are going back to Hogwarts ' after the Christmas Holiday when Arthur Weasley got attacked by Voldemort 's snake . The movie to number 5 isn 't one of my favorites , yet it is still really good . One of these days I am going to read a book , then watch the movie , then read the next book , watch the next movie until I see them all . I forgot to do that when I started re - reading the books . I have 2 new books for when I am finished the Harry Potter books . Oh , a funny thing happened on the way home from the movie last week . Hannah was sitting in the back seat right behind me and she noticed that I have almost black hair . She pointed out that my initials were the same as Harry Potter and we both have green eyes ( mine are hazel green ) not to mention the black hair like Harry . We all had a good giggle after that ! Shows how much we love Harry Potter ! I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
The 19th of the month really snuck up on me this time . I almost missed it , with Christmas right around the corner . So what 's new with Annie . . ? She 's going through another little phase of separation anxiety . She doesn 't like to be taken to people 's homes , and she clings to me thinking I 'll leave her there . She also didn 't like it when I left her at the church nursery during Delaney 's Christmas program , but she only cried for a few seconds . I peeked in on her a few minutes later , and she was contentedly playing with some dolls . When Tim went to pick her up later , the babysitter brought her to the window to hand her over , and as soon as she saw Tim , she burst into tears . I gave her lots of hugs and kisses . Maybe I should 've just let her squirm on my lap through the Christmas program . Guess what ? She finally got a couple new teeth ! She now has one more bottom tooth , and another tooth coming in farther back . I try to remember to brush them at least twice a day . I don 't know if I mentioned in her last update , but she 's got bad teeth . If you look closely , her enamel is thin , and there are some dark spots on her teeth . It looks like baby bottle rot , but she 's never taken a bottle . I have an appointment for her to see a pediatric dentist next month , and I 'm worried about what they 'll say . I look at Delaney 's pearly whites , and I wonder what went wrong ? I treated them both the same , same ( sometimes lax ) tooth - brushing habits , same food and drink . I 've never put either of them to bed with juice or milk . But Delaney has good teeth and Annie has bad teeth . The nurse - practitioner at the naval health clinic told me that I wasn 't taking good enough care of her teeth and that 's why they were the way they were . My smile is pretty , but if you look closely , you 'll see trouble . I called my mom for reassurance , because I know she didn 't follow us around with a toothbrush all day , and I didn 't have a cavity until I was 28 . She said she thought that nurse - practitioner had some nerve telling me that . That made me feel a little better , but I 've still got a kid who has British teeth and I don 't know how it happened . My next thought was fluoride . Maybe they 're not getting enough of it . But when I called the naval clinic asking for a prescription for the same sodium fluoride drops that had been prescribed for Delaney over a year ago ( different pediatrician , different state ) , they acted like I was trying to poison my kids . They said that since we have city water , they get enough fluoride . When I said they don 't drink very much water - - mostly milk or juice - - they said that nevertheless they get enough fluoride through the water we cook with . ( Nevermind that these kids barely eat anything most days . . ) I will definitely feel better after talking to the pediatric dentist . I just wish I could get her in sooner . Yes , I know I 'm a bad mommy for not having taken her when she turned a year . I just didn 't think a kid needed to go to the dentist until 2 at the earliest . But rotting teeth are another matter . Tim and I are about to have some huge dental bills , between Delaney and her future braces and Annie 's tooth decay . We 'd better start a dental fund right along with the college fund . She continues to talk more and more , and says , " Yeah " a lot in that deep , breathy voice that is so funny . She loves to talk on the phone and on Skype , although she doesn 't like to talk as much as smile a lot , so Skype is really best . Here are the girls and their daddy Skyping with Grandpa . At the end of that conversation , she waved and said , " Bye , Grandpa . " ( At Tim 's prompting ) she said , " I love you . " It melted my heart . She has been having some temper flare - ups lately . When she decides she doesn 't want to be strapped into her carseat this time , she 'll arch her whole body and cry , making it very difficult for me to wrestle her in . She throws little fits sometimes when she 's tired and in need of a nap . But they 're very seldom and short - lived . Still , I know that 2 is coming in a few months , and when that happens , she 'll probably do some things to appall me . What will it be ? Poop on the walls ? Full - blown tantrums in public ? Tim thinks that she will be a real trouble - maker , way worse than Delaney ever was . I don 't know if I agree with that . We will both see . ' I am quite pleased with how our Christmas card turned out . It was a joy to put together . I was not quite so pleased with how the girls ' recent photo shoot went ( picky mom that I am ) , but not to worry - - I had plenty of awesome photos to choose from , that my sister Grace took at Cape Cod . Thanks again , Grace ! Now the cards are all mailed , and Christmas is getting closer . I love how our own little traditions are starting to take shape . Almost every night , we sit down on the couch in the glow of the Christmas lights ( multi - colored this year , per Delaney 's request ) and watch a Christmas movie together . I need to browse Netflix today and add to our repertoire , because lately it 's just been either Merry Madagascar or Rudolph the Red - Nosed Reindeer , both of which we recorded from TV . But it 's so much fun to watch with these kids , especially when Delaney gets scared of the Abominable Snow Monster , and hides behind her dad . We all trimmed the tree together , even though it was a little crazy with Annalise . She only broke one ornament , though , and it wasn 't an important one . Yesterday our Elf on the Shelf arrived . So far , Delaney is a little weirded out by it and Annie doesn 't even notice it , but I thought it could still be a fun tradition eventually . Maybe next year . This Saturday we 're going to Raleigh to see Disney on Ice Toy Story 3 , and I 'm looking forward to that . I think the girls are going to love it . We 're leaving early in the morning so we can be there when a real mall opens its doors , and hopefully we 'll find the girls some cozy Christmas pajamas and somewhat festive dresses . Good times ! Pretending is Delaney 's favorite thing to do . She never misses an opportunity to play pretend . One time , she was on the potty going number 2 , and I asked her if she was done . She said , " No , this poopy needs some family . " " He does ? " " Yeah , here come some babies . . . and here comes the daddy . . . Mama , why are you laughing ? " Out in the yard , she 'll say , " You can see dinosaurs in your imagination . " Pointing to the trees , she 'll say , " Look , it 's a brachiosaurus ! " Brachiosaurus is her favorite . In the children 's section of the library , I chuckled when I heard her tell another kid , " I 'll be back in a jiffy . I gotta track some dinosaurs ! " She 's still on her dinosaur kick . Santa will certainly be bringing dinosaurs this year . We had Delaney 's first ever parent - teacher conference this month . Ms . Melissa showed us the work Delaney 's been doing with letters . We got to see where she traced the first couple letters in the row well , and then just started scribbling . She loses interest quickly , which is to be expected . They described Delaney in her progress report as a sweet and loving child who recognizes all the letters , numbers and shapes they 've covered so far . Tim and I were told that sometimes Delaney has trouble with listening and following instructions , especially when it comes to - - ahem - - clean up time . We said , " No way , not our kid ! " : ) But at least it 's not just Delaney . One day I walked in to pick Delaney up and Ms . Mary was telling all the kids they 'd better help clean up or there 'd be no toys on Thursday . I don 't know why I thought preschool teachers have special techniques for getting kids to cooperate , and they didn 't have to resort to using the same threats I do . Rarely is Delaney fully dressed if she 's at home . She just loses her clothes gradually while running around the house - - a shoe here , a sock there , and on and on until she 's in just her underwear . Our thermostat is only set to 68 . It makes me cold just to look at her ! Delaney will happily play with her sister in the playroom for a long time , but she always invites me to come up and " stay for a little while . " We 'll play with puzzles together , they 'll dance to the tune of one of the music - making toys , or maybe have a little game of hide - and - seek . I might have other things that need to be done , but I try to remember how important it is to drop everything else and just be with them sometimes . A co - worker of mine told me when I was pregnant with Delaney to remember to have fun with them when they still want to have fun with me . I revisited that long - ago conversation recently while reading through Delaney 's pregnancy journal , and that advice meant so much more to me now than it did when I was in the nursery - planning stage . I made a little promise to myself to play more often when Delaney asks me to . A wonderful change this month is that she is starting to use words to make her wishes known . " Teeth , " if she wants to brush her teeth . " Brush " if she wants me to give her a brush . " Off " if she needs help taking off her jacket . " Book " if she wants me to read to her . My favorite is when Delaney asks for a treat , and Annie shouts " Cheat ! " while pointing at the candy - filled pumpkin on top of the fridge . We 're working on ' please ' and ' thank you ' , both of which she 'll say when prompted . I 'm not holding my breath for the time when she says it without prompting , because we 're still not quite there with Delaney ! I praise the heck out of her for using a word because it means less guessing for me . She is shaping up to be a little chatterbox like her sister . She loves being read to , and her favorite book is a beat - up old Elmo book that plays music . The pages used to have things that popped - up , but those kinds of books never stay intact for long at our house . I press the button that plays the little tune , I sing the words , and she dances around in circles grinning ear to ear . Then Delaney joins in and it 's a dance party . Lately , one read - through of that book is not enough , and she signs " again " as she picks it up and hands it to me . I might read again once or twice . Then she shrieks with anger if I won 't read it again . She still just loves to help unload the dishwasher . As soon as she hears the clanking of dishes , she comes running , saying , " Help . Help . " If I 'm finishing up , I put some plates and silverware back in for her to pull out . This will one day be her job , so I 'm happy to let her practice . We keep asking her , " Annie , where are the rest of your teeth ? " She still only has six , and I really thought a couple times recently she was getting another tooth . I thought once I even felt the edge of a tooth . I even think I can see the shapes of her teeth through her gums . We really think one morning we 're going to go in there and she 'll be grinning at us with a whole head full of teeth . It 's hard to find clothes that fit Annie these days , so most of the time she runs around in ill - fitting clothes . She 's at an awkward stage - - too big for 12 - 18 month clothes , but 18 - 24 hangs on her . I 've been doing some shoddy alterations on her pants to make them stay on . She 'll have her 18 - month checkup on the 23rd , and we 'll find out just how big she is . She looks pretty average - sized to me . She has constipation issues all the time , and she will not eat any of the fresh fruits I put in front of her . She only wants the processed snacks that get her into this trouble in the first place . We 've tried to substitute All Bran crackers , but she 's not fooled by those . She might eat a few black beans at dinner , and each bean I see her consume is a little victory . I have found that a teaspoonful of Karo syrup helps , and she will take it right off the spoon so I don 't have to dilute it anything and hope she finishes it . In the morning she calls out loudly until I come in for her . I say ' good morning ' and open the blinds . When I go to pick her up , she squeals and falls down on the mattress . She won 't let me get her , but then if I say , " OK , you can stay , I 'm leaving , " she 'll whimper . Then I come back and it starts all over again . She loves to play these little games from morning to night . She amazes me with all the little things she 's learning . Just the other day she pointed at my ring and said , " Bockle . " Sparkle . I had taught her that word , and now she was using it . She gives us all such joy . We love our Annie . Update : On 11 / 24 , we had Annie 's 18 month checkup . She 's 33 inches tall and 25 pounds . She 's at the 59th percentile for weight , and the 82nd percentile for height . She and Delaney got their flu vaccines . All was well for our first pediatric visit at the Naval Health Clinic . The only thing I have to worry about is the nurse - practitioner told me there was already some decay on Annie 's teeth . I 'm supposed to be brushing her teeth " several " times a day , not just once or twice . So now I have to follow her around all day with a toothbrush , to make sure she gets to keep those teeth for at least another four or five years ! I wanted to update you on my situation as far as making connections on my little island in suburbia . It is a very tiresome subject , but this post has been brewing in my mind for a couple days now , and it 's my blog so I can whine if I want to . Soon after I wrote my this , I did a little bit of research and found a Meetup group for moms and young kids . I became a member . I get a month free , and after that I have to pay dues , something like $ 5 or $ 10 for the year . People post different activities that you can go to . There 's open play at a gymnastics place once a month , there are trips to petting zoos , and whatnot . Tim said to me when I joined , " You 're paying for friends . " " Yup , " I said . " I guess that 's the way it 's done in North Carolina , " he said . " Guess so . " [ This isn 't actually the first time I 've paid for friends . I 've done StrollerStrides and Gymboree , and those are far more expensive . ] So far that has gone . . OK . Most of the Meetups are either jewelry parties which I won 't go to , or things that take place on Tuesday or Thursday , when I have to take Delaney to school . I did go to the gymnastics thing last month , and I 'll go again tomorrow . The kids love it . I find it a little awkward for myself . I 'm uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don 't know , and I have the strange feeling I crashed their party . But I 'll go anyway . Every Friday morning , there is a terrific little story time at the New Bern library , and I did meet another mom there who seems friendly and outgoing . That is good , because as a shy person , it is nearly impossible to make friends with other shy people ! She is also a member of the aforementioned Meetup group , and she is going to be at the gymnastics place tomorrow . I will have to stalk her . I have a toy cellphone that she gave to Annalise after she fell down and cried during the puppet show . Meanwhile , I take the girls outside often , hoping to strike up a conversation with someone walking by . Or when Tim and I are walking around the neighborhood to cool down after our run , we 're both on the lookout . We hardly ever see a soul . Usually , but not always , the driver of a passing car will wave . The other day , we walked past someone 's house as she was pulling out of her driveway , and we waved . She didn 't even look at us . " Well , hi , neighbor , " I said . Tim said he thinks it 's a generational thing . His parents knew almost everybody in their little suburban neighborhood . Tim theorized it 's because back in the day , people were outside interacting with one another all the time . Now they 're inside on the Internet or watching TV , and their kids are playing video games . Another time , the girls were playing on the driveway after we 'd returned from a run , and I saw a woman my age pushing a running stroller by my house . I had never seen her before , and I waved and smiled and said , " Hi . " She waved back and said , " How are you ? " " Good , how are you ? " And she continued on , and I thought , please stop and talk to me ! Would it kill you to introduce yourself ? I have no diseases and I don 't bite ! Please , don 't leave me alone on this island ! On the preschool front , it 's going no better . I met up with another mom for coffee one morning . Her kid isn 't in Delaney 's class , but we met at the fall festival . But it felt like a first date . We said , " I 'll call you , " and neither one of us really meant it . I think we each found the other a bit dull . On the Marine family front , I 'm faring only little better . I have old friends who have a 7 - year - old daughter , and we get together from time to time . They 'd be my first choice for Thanksgiving dinner , but guess where they 're going for Thanksgiving ? Cincinnati . There was another Marine family we had over for pizza one night , and I had a playdate a couple weeks later with the wife and one of her daughters . Recently , she emailed me asking if I 'd like to get together this week at her house , and I replied soon after that I 'd love to . Then . . nothing . It 's been six days . Tim said I should call her , and I said , " Why should I have to follow up her invitation ? " If you email someone , why don 't you check your email to see if they reply ? Especially if you have an iPhone and you take your email everywhere . Then again , I have no idea what her life is like , and perhaps she really doesn 't have a second to spare . Not like me , with obviously too much time . Sometimes I wonder if I am subconsciously keeping people at a distance because a part of me prefers it this way . I hold back a little bit when I could make more effort . I am sensitive and feel easily slighted by others . I have this ( unfortunate ) tendency to want to sit back and wait for the world come to me . I kind of like sitting out front watching the girls play , seeing their curiosity and happiness over simple things , feeling the sun on my face , and not having to work at making a good impression on someone else . It 's so much effort . That leads me to another theory about why I 'm in my predicament . I come from a long line of people who stick to their clan and rarely become close to anyone else . I remember a long time ago , my mom did become close friends with a woman who lived across the street from us . She explained to me even then that it was because Sue needed a friend . Mom didn 't . She preferred being around people with whom she shared a long history . We had aunts and uncles coming through the door all the time , and our kitchen was filled with laughter and rehashing of old stories . No need to impress the person you know once decided to take a bath with her pet turtle and ended up getting sick . So that 's where I came from . Then , in Massachusetts , I got to enjoy being part of a clan once again . And now I am clan - less and inept at forming bonds with other people . At times , I realize how very blessed I am to live on my little island with the three people who are dearest to me , with everything I need , and most of what I want . I am grateful , I really am . And then sometimes , I am terribly lonely , bored and frustrated . I will continue to look for ways to cope with life on my suburban island , which is only 10 minutes away from anything , but a world away from anything and anybody familiar . Delaney is not getting much of an update written about her this month . And no pictures , due to technical difficulties . ( Our wretched PC is on the fritz again . ) The way she phrases things continues to amuse me . She thinks it 's acceptable to substitute " How ' bout ______ ? " for the polite way of asking for things . I say , " Um , how about using your manners to ask for that ? " If I 'm stressed out about something , she 'll say , " It will be fine , Mama , " or " Just take a deep breath . " Another time , I was irritated at something Annie had done , and Delaney said , " OK , just settle down , settle down . " That 's exactly what I always needed , a little voice telling me everything 's going to be alright . Thanks for that , Delaney ! She is crazy about dinosaurs of late , and watches Dino Dan every day . Her current favorite animal is a toy triceratops . She tells me , " I 'm Dino Dan , you 're Mama Dino Dan , Dada 's Dada Dino Dan , and Annie 's Annie Dino Dan . " And she 'll correct me all day long when I call her Delaney . " No , I 'm Dino Dan , remember ? " Yesterday morning I took the girls for their appointment with the new photographer , at a park next to her house on base . Watching them romp around in the leaves made my heart swell with love and pride . Back home , we had lunch and naps and another lazy afternoon . Tim 's and my one cause for annoyance was a babysitter who would not return my calls , emails or texts even though earlier in the week she had agreed to watch the kids Saturday . This resulted in our inability to plan our evening because , for all we knew , she would show up at 5 . I was compelled to prepare as if she were going to show up , and make myself look presentable for going out , all the while the two of us are getting more irritated by the minute . It turns out that our fabulous new babysitter Brittney was just not that into us . Our first clue came on Tuesday morning , when she texted me to let me know that she was in Charlotte and would not be back in time to watch the kiddos at 3 . Yesterday at around 10 after 5 , after a whole day of no communication , I had the most awkward task of calling her and leaving a message on her voicemail that we had changed our plans and she would no longer be needed . It was like saying , " You 're fired , " but not in those exact words . I 'm pretty sure she knows we won 't be calling her again ! Thank goodness we hadn 't made any real plans . Tim was not surprised at all at this turn of events . In recruiting , he dealt with 19 - year - olds every day and knows how flaky they can be . He 'd warned me in advance not to be disappointed if it didn 't work out . But after what a great first impression she made , I was pretty shocked . I didn 't see it coming at all . At least we still have my friend Aimee , who will be watching the girls while we go to the Ball on Tuesday . I 've known Aimee for years and she 's very trustworthy . I just didn 't want her to be my go - to babysitter , first of all , because she 's a friend , and second of all , because she works in daycare . She needs a break from kids ! I said , " You don 't have to feel sorry for me . I 'm not that dressed up . This is something I 'd wear to church . And anyway , I love our ' come as you are ' date nights in . Those are good nights too , and we can still salvage this one ! " Later , after the girls had been tucked into bed , we feasted on takeout sushi and a $ 7 bottle of wine , saying , " What are we missing out on , anyway ? " A car ride , a noisy restaurant , only one of getting to enjoy a $ 7 glass of wine , hoping everything 's going well at home , returning later to pay the babysitter . . I had never been happier to just be sitting in the peace and quiet of our own kitchen , and no other people to deal with all night long , and I know Tim felt the same way . Maybe this makes us boring old farts ( maybe " curmudgeon " is a better word ) but it 's what works for right now and we are content . Life is good . I 'm wishing extra hard for good weather and healthy , cooperative children for this weekend . I 'm having my little girls ' pictures taken professionally at a park , and the plan is to make our Christmas cards with them . This is one of the most fun aspects of the holiday season , as far as I 'm concerned . Every year since Delaney was born , I 've wasted so many happy hours designing photo cards for our friends and family . This year , I believe , I 'll be going to Shutterfly . It 's a natural choice for me . I love giving Shutterfly gifts and I love receiving them . Here is the photo book Delaney and Annalise gave Tim last year . I enjoyed every minute I spent putting it together , and when he opened it , he said it was his favorite gift . Last Christmas , I was presented with not one , but two Shutterfly wall calendars - - one from Tim and one from my mom . I love the daily reminders of places I 've been and people who love me . My mom told me how much she enjoyed selecting her favorite pictures from the year and thinking of the inspirational quotes that went with them . As far as Christmas cards go , here is my favorite one so far : Good Blessings . I love it because Delaney and Annalise are such gifts and Tim and I are constantly telling each other how lucky we are . They light up our life . Here 's another one I like : Peppermint Bliss . I can just see my little girls on there . Maybe one of them individually on either side , and then one of them together in the middle . I just don 't see there being that many photos of them together to choose from . But you never know . Then again , there 's this one , that will allow me to choose a whole bunch of my favorite family photos : With Love Chartreuse . I love the quote , " What a wonderful world . " We shall see . I will be sure to post my final choice on here . Until then , I 'm keeping my fingers crossed for good pictures this weekend ! We finally did it ! We left our kids with a non - relative babysitter ! We found Brittney on Sittercity , and I loved her from the minute she walked in our door yesterday . She is 18 , and lives with her grandparents and their cats a few miles away . She is going to a community college here , but the bad news is that she plans to transfer to a college in Wilmington next fall . It was hard for Tim and I to do this , for a couple reasons . I discussed it at length several months ago . For me , it was , ' How do I justify paying someone else to watch our kids ? That 's MY job . I don 't earn any income . So now I 'm going from not only NOT earning , but now costing our family money . My butt ought to be with these kids 24 / 7 . ' Another thing is , how do you really trust someone you 've only talked to a couple times to watch your kids ? Lastly , we don 't really need babysitters . We get by without them just fine until something like the Marine Corps Birthday Ball comes up . We have date nights in that we enjoy . And we 're lame . We don 't really do anything , so why start now ? What it is , we decided , is an investment we make now , for a time later when we really need a babysitter , and want to be able to call someone the girls know and we trust . The idea of having no one I can call to watch my kids ever , is scary . Especially once Tim deploys next summer and I 'm a single mom . I will definitely be needing some help now and then when it 's just me . The thing is , if we want to have a babysitter when we need one , then we have to be using them at times when we don 't really need one , so that we can get to know them and our girls can too . So we had a long conversation about how often should we have a babysitter over in order to keep her in the girls ' lives , but not break the bank . That 's a tough one . We settled on about 10 to 15 hours a month , and even that hurts me because like I said , this is my only job ! Tim says I should relax about that , because we do well enough to be able to pay a babysitter 10 to 15 hours a month . And I do feel good about helping a student make easy money watching my little angels : ) . Yesterday , Brittney came over and we chatted for a few minutes , and then we left to go fart around at Lowe 's and the New Bern ( excuse for a ) Mall . We were gone for an hour and a half , and we paid her $ 15 . When we came back , we were happy to find them all playing dress - up in the playroom . Brittney is like one of their aunties . She will be coming back next Tuesday afternoon for a couple hours , and then the following Saturday night she will put the kiddos to bed while we have a date night out . She is very sweet with the girls and they seem to like her too . But of course , we 're not done looking , because she 's leaving next summer or fall . But for now we have one babysitter , and I am looking forward to next Saturday night . If this month had a theme song , it would be " Anything you do I can do better ; I can do anything better than you ! " Annie is always trying to show us what a big girl she is . Look , she even helps wash the car - - with her bare hands ! Today , I had to dig in the girls ' bathroom trash for some cute hair things after I had knocked over the big basket filled with them . She was watching with rapt attention , and I know she can 't wait to look through the trash herself . She will be an expert trash - picker . She is already an expert at throwing things away . In the last couple weeks or so , she 's become more interested in talking . She may have said a couple words a couple months ago , but for whatever reason , lost all interest up until this month . I love her words , and I make a big deal every time she uses one . Here are some of her new ones that I can think of : - Shish - ee . Sissy . She said it once when I was putting a dress on her that was just like Delaney 's . Other times , she will just say it as she follows her around . If I ask her to say a word , she 'll say it . She 'll go through a list . Grandma . Grandpa . Dog . Cat . Fish . But she usually doesn 't use a word unless I ask her to . She 's obsessed with the buckles on her carseat and her booster seat at the table . She wants to do it herself . After she eats , I unbuckle her , but then she just buckles the straps again . Then she grunts until I come over and unbuckle them again . She 'll keep doing that until I finally yank her out of the chair and tell her to go play . She 's an adventurer . She 's been known to take a few stairs the fast way from time to time . Her antics on the living room couch sometimes almost give me a heart attack . A couple weeks ago , she rode a pony with wheels off a coffee table in the play room . We heard the loud thump and sprinted up there to find her lying in a heap . She got right up , though , and was fine . Owie . This is one of her most common injuries - - she slips and falls , usually on the stairs , and then bites somewhere in her mouth with her sharp little teeth . She wants to do everything like her big sis . She doesn 't want to go down the stairs backward anymore . She wants to walk down like Delaney , which is scary . I take her hand and help her do that , and she 's so pleased . When Delaney 's standing on the step stool brushing her teeth , Annie gets up there and squeezes in alongside her on that step , and " brushes " her teeth too . Whatever Delaney has , she wants . When we got Delaney a backpack for school , Annie was upset that she didn 't have one too . She loves to try on that backpack when Delaney 's generous enough to let her . When she has it on , she laughs and runs around . One time when Tim had taken Delaney out , and Delaney had forgotten her backpack ( she likes to bring it everywhere ) , Annie walked up and handed me the backpack so I 'd put it on her . I said , " Yeah , you 'd better get your backpack fix while she 's not here ! " She 's all but given up her morning nap this month . I remember last month saying she was nowhere near ready to give it up , but that 's how quickly things change . She will still nap occasionally in the morning . If she looks sleepy , I 'll lay her down . She may or may not sleep . It makes me a little sad to see this big part of her babyhood falling by the wayside . Why is she in such a big hurry to grow up ? It 's been a month , more or less , since we our crazy summer ended and we were done traveling , and ready to start living in our new house in our new surroundings . In that month , we 've gotten a lot done , a few fun little projects , and we 've re - established normalcy . But I have to be honest here . Since the dust has settled and Tim 's gone back to work , I have to admit that I 'm experiencing some loneliness and isolation . It sounds pathetic , I know . But I 'm racking my brain trying to think of a way to meet new friends . Tim warned me that life here would be different from Quantico , and I would have to " cast my net " wider , if I wanted to make friends . Living on base at Quantico was a situation that would probably never happen again - - so many families in such a small space with so much in common . We knew when we chose to live off base that this might be an issue . As we knew would be the case , now that we live in the middle of nowhere , gone are the days of putting the girls in the BOB stroller and pushing them to a friend 's house for a playdate . We live 10 minutes from the back gate of Cherry Point , and about 10 minutes from New Bern . Technically , we 're not that far from anything , but I feel like I 'm on an island . These days , I might take the girls out in the BOB , or just out into the yard to play ( if I dare ! ! ) , and all I hear are frogs croaking and crickets chirping . If I walk them or run them around the neighborhood , I might exchange a wave with a nice old retiree every now and then . When Delaney started preschool last week , I hoped that this would provide a new opportunity to meet other moms . Yes , there are other moms , and yes , I see them every morning waiting for the doors to open , while I stand there with my girls . But I don 't know how to break the ice . I am so shy , it 's ridiculous . What am I supposed to say , " Is anyone in the market for new friends , because I 've just moved here and I don 't know anybody ? " " Shut up , weirdo ! " My shyness is probably mistaken for aloofness , and it 's high school all over again . There is an upside to this : my house is consistently cleaner . When I 'm not farting around on the Internet , or playing with my little girlfriends , I 'm cleaning something , dusting something , vacuuming something . But I know that winter will come and it will get cold , and I 'll feel the walls close in . If I don 't have anyone to laugh and commiserate with by then , my husband and children will have a tiresome grouch on their hands . Delaney 's getting more and more observant all the time , and her memory has far surpassed mine in power . Thank goodness for that . She doesn 't need to have Mama 's swiss cheese memory to go through life with . She tells me things like , " At our old house , we all slept upstairs . " " At our old house , the playroom was in the living room . " And she calls herself a " super finder " , because she usually knows where things are . She is also showing a nurturing side . One day I went into her room after nap , and found all the little storage baskets had been taken out of her armoire . Nestled inside the baskets were stuffed animals dressed in pajamas . Delaney had been in there playing little mommy , and I thought it was the sweetest thing ever . Sometimes she 's a little mischievous . For example , she 'll be chasing Annie around in circles , and then give her a little bump , causing Annie to lose her balance and fall down . You 'd think it was an accident , but then you see that little smile . Sometimes it 's frustrating having a little sister who wants to be into everything she 's into . Now and then she loses her temper when she has to give Annie a turn with a toy , and she 'd rather not . She starts crying and slapping at her . When I stop her and tell her , " We don 't hit , " she quickly apologizes and calms down , but keeps crying for a few minutes . Sharing is not easy . Within a couple minutes , I 'm containing a kicking and screaming Annie while Delaney has a turn . On Thursday , after I 'd brought her home from her second day at school , she said , " Annie missed me . " I said , " Yes , she did . " Then she gave her a hug and said , " I love you , Annie . " I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder . She got the second haircut of her life this month . I don 't even think the first one counted ; it was more of a formality , so I could get a few snips of hair in an envelope and call it a first haircut . That was about a year ago . This time she had a good three to four inches taken off , and now it 's all nice and even at the bottom , and so much easier for me to work with . Before , it was down to her lower back and getting pretty scraggly at the ends . While he was visiting , Tim Sr brought up all the expressions she uses in conversation all the time : " Well , actually . . " " How about . . ? " And my favorite , " Does that sound like a deal ? " Her daddy uses that one a lot with her . And then if we 're telling her to do something she doesn 't want to do ( i . e . , eat your dinner , then you can have a treat ) , she whimpers , " That 's not a good deal . " It always makes me laugh when I hear her use a new grownup - sounding expression . She started preschool on the 5th . She goes on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8 : 30 to noon . She is thrilled to be going to school . A few days before her first day , I gave her her backpack , and she and that backpack have been inseparable ever since . I was worried she 'd get cold feet on her actual first day , but she couldn 't wait . I left her in her classroom with a wave goodbye that she barely acknowledged because she was already off checking out the room . When I came to pick her up , she told me she didn 't want to go and started to cry . Her teacher , Miss Melissa , offered her a Hello Kitty stuffed animal that she could borrow until Thursday . That saved us from having to make a scene . I thought kids were supposed to throw a fit when their parents leave them there the first day ! Later , when I asked her what she did at school , she said they 'd had " circle time . " I asked her what you do at circle time . " We just sit there , " she said . " Then I got up and my teacher said , ' You 've got to sit back down so we can have circle time . ' " When I woke her up on Thursday ( strangely , the only times she 's slept in of late have been her two days of school ) and told her it was time to get ready for school , the first thing she said was , " Circle time ! " Finally , the Annie 's room post . First I had to wait on her vinyl decal to arrive , and then after that , I had to wait for a sunny afternoon for the best lighting to take the pictures . I couldn 't believe how long that took . Finally , the sun broke through the clouds this evening , and we could take some pictures . It was still a challenge , and they aren 't the greatest photos , but they 'll have to do . Once Delaney 's room was done , our euphoria was short - lived . Annie 's was next , and we had no idea what to do with it . We argued discussed , went to Lowe 's , came back and talked some more . I got so sick of talking about it that I started to not even care - - I just wanted it done ! We had made a half - hearted attempt at a nursery for her in Quantico , and bought a few things for her with a " Goodnight , Sleep Tight " motif . Moon , stars , sheep , bunnies rubbing their eyes , all set against a twilight sky . ( I know , very cheesy , but this is the one time in their lives I get away with this . ) I wanted to keep those things , but I was no longer happy with the main colors of blue , yellow , and green . It was as if we had picked them out while we were pregnant , and not knowing what they were having . If we were to stick with those same colors for paint and everything , then we would have a blah unisex nursery for our little girly - girl who is already trying on high heels and brushing her hair . For awhile I was stumped and frustrated , thinking I either keep the whole theme with all the pieces we 'd already acquired , or throw them out altogether in favor of something more feminine . Then I had this great idea . We have this book sitting on her hutch . Ta - da ! as Delaney says . With this as our inspiration , we got to work picking paint colors for Annie 's feminine lullaby - themed room . This required several trips to Lowe 's . Tim would say to me , " Would you quit saying ' periwinkle ' ? " He 'd never heard of ' periwinkle ' , and when I showed it to him , he said , " It looks like blue to me . " We settled on a darker shade and a lighter shade . I think once the colors were on the wall , they looked more purple than blue . As you 'll see in the pictures below , the room looks more blue or more purple depending on the lighting and the setting on the camera . We almost decided the darker color would be the color right under the title of the book , and we found a good match . I 'm glad I decided against it , because it was too bold and too bright . I was in favor of keeping it simple , with maybe three lighter colored walls and a darker accent wall ; but Tim wanted to make sure he put has much sweat into her room as he had into Delaney 's . Otherwise , he would have felt guilty . To assuage that guilt , he decided to paint the bottom half of the room one color , the top half the other , and put up a white chair rail . What a difference that made ! I think his appreciation for chair rails first happened when he looked at our master bedroom here . It is painted floor to ceiling " restless seas , " * which is a blue - gray that does look just like the ocean . We love the color , but without the white chair rail in the middle , it would be really be too much . Here is a ' before ' picture : Another vinyl decal found on Etsy . " Twinkle Twinkle , Little Star . Do you know how loved you are ? " Took its sweet time getting here , and in our haste to put it up , we stuck it on there a slightly crooked . I wish I could have a do - over . I 'm not completely happy with this last wall . I agreed with Tim 's idea to put up the shelves instead of just hanging up the wall art , in order to " break up " the pastel - ness of the whole thing . However , something is bothering me here . Not so much the gigantic wicker basket , supposedly to put toys in , but really just to take up empty space . I don 't know if I like it , but something has to go there , right ? Maybe the small pink " Prayer for a Little Girl " needs to move . . ? There was this whole other idea I had for this wall , and that was to take four or five pages out of Sleep , Baby , Sleep , and frame them and hang them there . I love the pictures that are currently on the wall , but they 're not working , for some reason . I 'd rather use what I have , and not go out buying new frames to hang up different things . I 'm stumped and open to suggestions . * If you 're wondering how I know that , it 's because our landlords left us a " turnover binder " for the house . Mr . Landlord is a Marine lieutenant colonel , and Marines like turnover binders . The binder contains lots of helpful information , such as trash and recycling pickup days , important phone numbers , and manuals for the appliances . I love this binder , and I find myself referring to it a lot . What did we do as renters before we had something like this ? It also has a page of paint colors for every room , complete with paint cards . I have noted the changes we 've made so far in the binder , carefully taping our paint cards over theirs . : ) Tim Sr arrived here on Tuesday , the day that torrential rain started and did not let up for four long days . The girls were in pajamas almost the entire time , I was in sweats , and we weren 't going anywhere . Fortunately , we hadn 't made any big outdoor plans . Delaney and Annie handled being stuck in the house a lot better with Grandpa around to play with them . They weren 't in my hair so much , and I did not descend into a pit of despair the way I normally do after many consecutive days of terrible weather . We kept him pretty busy . When he wasn 't playing with our rambunctious little girls , he was out in the garage helping Tim finish our desk . Tim has never built anything ( at least not since wood shop in 7th grade ) , and he built this desk from scratch . It started as a pencil diagram and now here it is sitting in our office . He spent his last two weeks of leave working on it day and night . It is beautiful , and so special to me . The primary reason for his visit was Tim 's promotion to major , which happened Friday morning . Here 's a picture Tim Sr took of the girls right before we left the house . I love this picture . They 're growing up so fast . After the promotion , The CO told us that they will be keeping Tim very busy . He will be taking out the MEU ( Marine Expeditionary Unit ) detachment sometime late spring . He will be on a ship for about seven months . Between now and then he 'll be doing a lot of preparation for that , so our days of seeing Tim walk in the door promptly at 4 : 30 every day are about to be over . Tim gave a speech of his own in which he said that we 're ready to " pay the piper " after four years of the good life in Boston and Quantico . I don 't know if I 'm exactly ready , but ready or not , here it comes . Tim 's definitely ready - - he was hoping he 'd get the MEU , so I 'm happy for him . The good news was Tim got the rest of Friday off ! The next morning it was time to say goodbye to Grandpa . Like all visits , it went by too fast . A year ago today : A fun Saturday morning Cincinnati has two of the best Indian restaurants I 've ever been to . They were where I had my first taste of Indian food , and nothing else has ever quite measured up . Several months ago , Tim came across a recipe called Pastor Ryan 's Chicken Tikka Masala , and made it for us one night . It instantly became a date night in favorite and we have had it several times since , most recently last night . I always look forward to the carnival of smells in our kitchen - - onions , garlic , ginger , and all those herbs and spices . When I looked up the recipe and read the article , I was interested but not too surprised to see that this Pastor Ryan created this recipe with his favorite Indian restaurant in Cincinnati as inspiration ( maybe the same one as mine ! ) . I don 't know how he managed to steal their closely guarded secrets , but somehow he did . I am grateful to Pastor Ryan for stealing the secrets , and to Tim for doing such a good job cooking it up . It can be as mild or as spicy as you prefer . The first time Tim made it , he used half a bottle of garam masala , and it was pretty intense . This last time , he used only a little garam masala , and it was mild enough to share with Annie today at lunch . We agreed it needed to be taken up a couple notches next time . But still , I told him while we were eating it , " This is the best dinner in the history of dinners . " I decided I must share it with you . You 're welcome . I thought that if I stepped on a fire ant mound , they would swarm on me and bite me , and it would burn . Then I would scream and run to the nearest sink , or hose , or shower - - or if it was my child , I would run with her screaming to the nearest sink , hose or shower . Then I would douse her or myself . Turns out I was wrong on both counts . If you step on a fire ant mound - - or just happen to be too close for their liking - - or happen to be standing between them and a food source - - first they will swarm you . But here comes the part that 's really disturbing . They don 't bite . They use their mandibles to grab your skin and hold on tight . Then , with the stinger in their abdomen , they stick you and release their venom . Then they pull the stinger out , pivot while still attached , and do it again . Then again and again in a circle . Each individual sting is a world of burning pain . Just one ant will sting you numerous times . But more likely , you will have 20 ants doing this simultaneously . Running to a water source , even jumping into a pool , would be a waste of time . These are very tough bugs . The only way to remove them is to wipe them off . Then wash the skin with soap and water . After that , you manage the pain , and then severe itching , as best you can with ice , benadryl , aloe , whatever it takes . The stings are not deadly unless you are allergic . You do not itch the pustules that have formed . If it is your child , you do whatever it takes to make sure they don 't itch it , because that will lead to infection . Fire ants are among the hardest pests to get rid of . They have no natural predator , and they can survive pretty much anything . It takes 8 to 12 hours to drown them in a bucket . They are native to almost nowhere , but can be found in almost all 50 states because as goods and people move around , so do they . Just like bed bugs . I know the Orkin man came to our house while we were traveling , because he called us and talked to us . He left and they 're still here . That 's what we 're dealing with . I am practically shaking because , for the last month we 've been here , we 've been letting our little girls run around in that yard , just telling them to stay away from the mounds . How about nobody 's allowed in the yard until these fire ants have been dealt with ! I thank God that we have all avoided run - ins with the ants so far . My research has yielded so many suggestions for how to rid the yard of fire ants , that it 's hard to know what to do . Pour grits on the mounds . Don 't bother pouring grits on the mounds . Tuck your pants into your socks and pour the whole ant mound into a bucket sprinkled with cornstarch . Don 't get too close to the mound , because you don 't even know what too close is . We 'll have to figure something out . I 'll keep you posted . First off , I want to say how thrilling it is to be making changes in this house . We didn 't make any changes in the Quantico house because it was base housing and we were only there a year . It was really frustrating living in a house that was painter 's beige all throughout , and hardly anything on the walls because why bother ? I think we 've both been looking forward to having a place for long enough to be able to make it our own . There wasn 't much we need to do paint - wise in this house - - just the little girls ' rooms . Delaney 's room was item number one on the agenda when we got back from Massachusetts . I love this room with the high ceiling and the big pretty window . Before we came along , this room belonged to a set of two - and - a - half - year - old boy / girl twins . The soft blue color worked for them , but we knew we wouldn 't be keeping it around for long . Before : This was several days in the making , and truly a labor of love for Tim . We decided to stick with the ladybug theme , since we still have all the pieces for it , and we still think it 's so fitting . Tim thought stripes would add a new twist , and I agreed . The plan was to do three of the walls with stripes on the bottom and a pale green on top , with a painted pink border in lieu of the ladybug wallpaper border that we 'd used for her nursery in Massachusetts . The fourth wall , with the bed , would just be solid green from top to bottom . The stripes were very time - consuming . Tim got so sick of taping . The colors worked out well , but we found that the pink border looked awkward somehow . Tim got the idea to use a thin pine molding painted white on the edges of the border to break it up a little . He had never done anything like that before , so he had to learn as he went . From time to time he laments that he was 32 years old before he ever picked up any kind of tool . I think he 's catching up quick , though . It was a lot of work , and there were a few mistakes along the way ( like bang ! bang ! crack ! uh - oh ! ) , but when he was done it looked really good . We thought about stenciling something in the pink area , but after we 'd put the rest of the room together , we concluded that would be overkill . The vinyl tree decal is something completely new . I just decided I wanted a tree for Delaney 's room , so I looked online and I found this one on Etsy . It was a little departure from the theme , with its owls and orange butterflies , but I love it . I spent Annie 's morning nap putting on all those leaves individually . Delaney 's not as impressed as I thought she 'd be , but she likes it . All in all , I think this is the perfect bright and sunny little girl 's room that fits Delaney to a T . It 's still kind of a nursery too , I realize , with the baby shoes and other baby - ish details . She 'll be 6 by the time we leave here , and I don 't know if she still needs to have an ultrasound photo hanging up in her room when she 's that old . But those are small changes . Hi ! I 'm Rachael : Catholic , Marine wife , coffeeholic , clutterphobe , free range parent , and on again / off again runner . I am hopelessly awkward but I mean well . This blog is my journal , occasionally cheap therapy , and most of all a fun way update faraway family and friends . Welcome ! |
Back in the States , I 'm accustomed to seeing red and green everywhere in December , as malls , homes , and businesses all decorate for Christmas . Here in Maadi . . . not quite so much . There were some places that were decorated : Maadi House , Condetti , and of course the insides of expats ' homes . I didn 't take pictures inside other people 's homes - - I didn 't have my camera , and I 'm not sure they 'd want me posting pictures of their homes online anyway . Of course I didn 't take my camera whenever we went to Maadi House or Condetti , so I can 't share pictures of those decorations , pretty as they were , but I can share the pictures I took around the housing compound and out on Road 9 . Enjoy ! First are some pictures of the inside of my apartment . This is the first year we decorated for Christmas , since it 's the first year we actually stayed put for it . I wasn 't sure last year how much space we 'd have for decorations , so I didn 't buy much . It turns out that it was a wise decision . I had two strands of garland , which we used on top of the china cabinet and on the buffet . The stockings went on the china cabinet , along with a poinsettia from our neighbors . Unfortunately , my black thumb meant that we didn 't get to enjoy the poinsettia on Christmas , but it was pretty while it lasted . ( I promise , I did put up the bins you see beside the cabinet . . . I have got to start cleaning up before I take pictures . . . ) I put the Nativity Scene on the buffet . Baby Jesus and Joseph 's lamp both enjoyed Christmas Day on display . That night , they both went back into protective custody in the drawer . They haven 't made an appearance since . The kittens enjoy them too much . My brother gave this University of Kentucky Santa to my husband , a UK alum , for Christmas . . . last year ? Maybe the year before . Either way , my husband loves it , so it was displayed on our end table . I also put a fabric wreath on the door . It was purchased here in Egypt , at one of the Maadi Women 's Guild meetings , from the Deaf Unit . The Deaf Unit is a charity that runs a vocational training center , where deaf people are taught to work with wood , metal , and sewing to make some very beautiful , high - quality furniture and home decor . There also were some decorations outside around the compound . A few others put up wreaths , and someone put up a large inflatable snowman ! There also was a poinsettia or two sitting outside doors . Out on Road 9 , there weren 't really decorations up for Christmas . However , there were a couple of shops that were selling Christmas trees and other decorations . Here are some trees that were available . . . I really wish I 'd gotten pictures of Maadi House and Condetti . Maadi House was decorated nicely , and Condetti was beautiful . Oh , well , you 've gotten to see a little bit of how it looks at Christmas in Maadi ! This was Jeff 's and my very first Christmas alone together . Usually , we travel to South Carolina , where most of our family lives , and spend Christmas there . It tends to be a bit hectic , with our families living 45 minutes apart and us negotiating when and where we 'll spend time with all the people we want to see . It isn 't uncommon for us to spend Christmas Eve evening in one place , Christmas morning and early afternoon in another , and then Christmas late afternoon and evening in yet another . I enjoy going home for Christmas , but I usually ended up needing a vacation from my holiday by the time we got back home . This year was very different . We had about the same amount of time off work as usual , thanks to the peculiarities of embassy life . President Bush gave all government employees Friday off , but since our weekend is Friday and Saturday , Jeff got Wednesday instead . So he was off Wednesday for that , Thursday for Christmas , Friday and Saturday for the weekend . He took Sunday as a vacation day and then was off on Monday for Islamic New Year - - it 's nice to get both local and American holidays off work ! Today is his first day back at work . We had the most laidback , relaxing Christmas I can remember . On Wednesday , Christmas Eve , we relaxed at home most of the day . That evening , we went to the carol service at church . We had to bundle up a little ; the weather finally got cool enough to wear a coat ! I was thrilled with that ; I love fall weather , and until recently , it had felt like summer and then late summer . Now it finally feels like fall . It was enough for me ; it wouldn 't have felt quite like Christmas if I hadn 't needed a coat , but this was perfect Christmas weather , as far as I 'm concerned . Jeff said it didn 't feel cold enough for Christmas to him - - he grew up with a white Christmas being a real possibility , after all - - but I was fine with just needing a coat during our outdoor service . The carol service was so nice ! We sang some songs that must be traditional in the UK , but that I had never heard , before moving on to some that I knew . ( Did you know , though , that " Silent Night " has two melodies ? There 's the one I 've always heard and then another one that I heard for the first time a couple of weeks ago when we went caroling . It 's nice , but . . . it just isn 't quite right . We sang both versions during the carol service . ) Toward the end of the service , the lights were dimmed and candles were lit . We 've always missed the Christmas Eve services , usually because we were trying to cram in time with all our family members , so it was so nice on Christmas Eve to take a break and refocus our attention on the true meaning of Christmas ! After the service , we joined a couple of friends for a pig roast at the Maadi House . It was a buffet style meal , with all the roasted pig , vegetables , and pumpkin pie you could eat . Most people sat outside , but it was too chilly for that in our opinion , so we had a nice quiet meal inside . It was a nice time of relaxation and conversation with friends that we haven 't really gotten to see much lately - - they just got back from a trip to the States . The next day , on Christmas morning , we slept late . Once we finally got up around 9 o ' clock , I made sausage biscuits , and we ate way too much ! After breakfast , it was time for gifts . In my family , we always did stockings last , but we decided to follow Jeff 's tradition of doing stockings first . And Jeff agreed that we 'll always do gift exchange on Christmas morning , like my family did it , instead of on Christmas Eve , like his family did . So we exchanged stockings and presents with each other and opened the gifts that were sent from home . We even gave the kittens gifts - - so far we 've given them one stocking that had nine small toys ( we have another stocking just like it , but we 're waiting until they start losing the toys before we open it ) , and we 've given them some special treats that a friend brought from Germany . After the gifts , I started trying to decide what time we should call our families . With the 7 - hour time difference , there 's a balance to be struck between late enough that they 'll be awake and not still opening their own gifts and early enough that we 're awake and they don 't think we 've forgotten them . I had just decided to wait a little longer , to make sure we didn 't wake up anyone without kids or interrupt the gift - opening of those with kids , when our MagicJack phone rang . It was my mom ! I talked to her for a while , then handed the phone over to Jeff , who eventually handed it back to me . Immediately after I hung up with her , the phone rang again - - it was my brother . After we talked and hung up , I said something to Jeff about whether I should go ahead and call my sister and my father , when the phone rang yet again - - it was my father . So we chatted for a little while , and then I called my sister . I had to leave a message for her , but that was okay since the connections hadn 't been very good . It 's been in and out ever since those three cables in the Mediterranean got cut a couple weeks ago , and Christmas Day wasn 't a very good internet or VOIP day - - I kept telling people to speak slowly and to repeat themselves because I couldn 't understand them very well . Jeff decided to wait a while before calling his family , in the hopes that the connection would improve . We spent the afternoon relaxing , with me reading and Jeff playing his new video game . I had planned to cook Jeff 's favorite meal - - his mom 's meatloaf and baked macaroni and cheese - - but we 'd eaten so much at breakfast that we weren 't hungry until late . So we ate pizza that night instead , and I cooked the meatloaf , mac & cheese , green beans , carrots , and mashed potatoes the next day . My sister called me back late that evening , and the connection was good . We had a nice chat . Jeff tried to call home a little after that , but the outgoing connection had gotten a lot worse ; the MagicJack wouldn 't connect at all . He eventually used the cell phone for a brief call to his sister and mom , but he just sent emails to the others and said he 'd try to call within a few days . On Saturday , we went to a cookie social at some friends ' place up in Zamalek . There were all sorts of cookies - - buck eyes ( peanut butter dipped in chocolate ) , ginger cookies , snowflake cookies , biscotti , " everything cookies , " chocolate chip . . . you name it . We spent some time just hanging out and chatting , then watched a slide show of our friends ' time in Egypt - - they arrived in May , I think - - and their recent trip to Italy . We were invited to go out to dinner after , but I was tired , and we 'd eaten too many cookies to want dinner so soon , so we headed home instead . We found a taxi to take us to Maadi but didn 't agree to a price before we got in like we should have . We 'd only gone a few feet when the driver started negotiating . He wanted LE50 , but we didn 't want to pay more than LE40 . He kept pushing for 50 , but I told him " Arba3een walla henna " - - " Forty or here , " meaning we 'd get out while we still were in Zamalek and pay him very little for the short distance he 'd taken us . His response , as expected , was " Mafiish moshkela , forty , " although he tried to make me feel guilty for not paying fifty . I let him talk without responding . He and I both knew the price was fair or even a little high , or he wouldn 't have agreed to it . By the time we got out in Maadi , he was smiling and complimenting my Arabic . Yesterday was another lazy day at home . It also was our nephew 's birthday , so Jeff called him last night . The connection finally was good , so he went ahead and made a couple more calls as well . It was nice for him to be able to chat with three of the four nephews - - one is too young to talk on the phone - - and with his sister , his mother , and his grandmother . This morning , it was back to the grind for Jeff . But only for today and tomorrow - - he 's off on Thursday for our New Year , and then there 's the weekend after . Ah , the joys of American and local holidays ! Next week might be rough , when he has to work a full five days , but he 'll survive . Our first Christmas in Cairo was long , and relaxing , and very , very nice . We had considered trying to go home for Christmas next year , but due to a variety of reasons , we 're going home earlier in the year instead . Although I miss my family at Christmas - - and I know Jeff misses his , and our families miss us - - I 've enjoyed being able to start thinking about our own Christmas celebration and what traditions we want to start as a family . And of course , our family and friends are welcome to visit us next Christmas . I got sick of Christmas carols years ago . Yep , I admit it . When it comes to Christmas carols , I 'm a total scrooge . Back home , the Christian radio stations that I listened to usually started playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving . At first , they 'd sprinkle them in with the other songs , but as Christmas got closer and closer , it became all Christmas music all the time . Each time a Christmas song came on , I 'd groan as soon as I recognized it , try to stick it out , give up after the first line or two , and change the station . Christmas was the only time of year when I would listen to secular radio stations more often than to Christian ones , because the secular stations didn 't alter their programming as much . Two years ago , I moved to Maryland and found a local Christian radio station , WGTS . I loved it , as I do most stations that play contemporary Christian music ( I 'm not such a fan of the old - time hymns , unless they 're put to a contemporary beat ) . But as we approached Christmas , I started steeling myself to find a secular station , maybe a nice country one or one that played a bunch of ' 80s music . Imagine my surprise when the Christmas music started , and I didn 't even notice for the first week ! There were no groans , no toughing it out through a line or two , no urges to change the channel . Finally I realized the difference : unlike the stations I had listened to previously , WGTS really maintained its Christian focus during Christmas . Almost all of the Christmas songs it played were truly Christian songs - - songs that reflected the true meaning of Christmas , not the secular , commercialized thing we 've made it . There were a few secular carols played - - an announcement from management candidly stated that some traditional carols that had no real Christian content were played so that people flipping through the dials looking for carols might just stop and stay for another song or two - - but the real focus was on celebrating the birth of Jesus . There was lots of " Silent Night , " " O Come O Come Emmanuel , " and contemporary This year , in Egypt , I wasn 't sure what to expect . Truth be told , I didn 't even think about Christmas music until we started singing it at church in Advent celebrations . With my history , I had no reason to think about Christmas music unless it was to be thankful that " Have a Holly Jolly Christmas " wouldn 't be piped over the speakers at every store I visited ! But then Jeff and I were invited to a neighbor 's apartment for hors d ' ouevres and a caroling performance . My neighbors ' maid is a part of her church choir , and she wanted her choir to come caroling for her employers . Last year , the first year that this happened , my neighbors ended up embarrassed because they didn 't understand what caroling meant to their maid ; they thought it was a group of people going around , standing outside , singing a song or two , and then moving on , like it is back in the States . Oh , no , not with this group . Caroling meant the choir came to your home , set up in your living room , and delivered a 30 - minute performance , complete with choir director and guitar . Last year , this big production occurred with an audience of three , and my neighbors felt a bit awkward and embarrassed that they hadn 't gathered an appropriately large audience . This year was very different . There were around 12 guests present , as well as my three neighbors ( a married couple with one child ) . We all showed up around 6pm for drinks and hors d ' ouevres , and the choir came at 7 . They arranged themselves in the living room , while we guests set ourselves up in the dining room ( two separate areas of one big room ) . The choir director introduced the group as the " Christ is Coming Choir , " and the caroling began . I loved every minute of it ! The songs were almost all Christian , as you would expect from a church choir , but there were fun , lively songs , too , not just the slow and sentimental ones . The singers ' faces were lit up with joyful smiles . At times there was a little choreographed hand - waving , which was fun , too . In between songs , they quoted Scripture verses about Jesus , His birth , and His mission . Toward the end , the choir director talked about how Jesus is coming back , and how she hopes that we 'll all be ready when that day comes - - but there was no proselytizing , which is illegal here ; it was all about what she believes and what she hopes . She sang " Maranatha , " a song I 'd never heard before but enjoyed immensely . ( Maranatha is Aramaic for our Lord comes . ) At the end of that song , the choir immediately went into " We Wish You a Merry Christmas , " and then the concert was over . After the choir left , our host and hostess expressed surprise at how overt the Christian message was . Apparently , last year , the performance involved more traditional carols and fewer Bible verses . I know at least one other person in the audience ( aside from Jeff and me ) goes to church regularly , but I don 't think that most of the people there would describe themselves as devout Christians . So I can see where this unabashedly Christian performance could take them off guard . But to me , it was exactly what a performance of Christmas carols ought to be . It was a group of believers singing about their Savior at a time of year when we celebrate His birth . It actually made me consider downloading some Christmas music from iTunes . Tonight , my life group is going caroling . There 's this British woman who lives nearby . She 's in her 80s and has lived in Egypt for decades . She doesn 't get out of her house much , because she 's blind - - anyone who 's tried to walk around in Maadi knows that it can be difficult to keep your footing even if you can see ; I can 't imagine trying to walk around here without being able to see traffic , the precise location of the curb , or that random pole in the middle of the sidewalk . One of the ladies in my life group visits her once a week or so , and the visits are greatly appreciated . So tonight , we 're all going . I just hope that our performance is as uplifting for her as the Christ is Coming Choir 's performance was for me . Well , it 's over ( mostly ) . The 2009 Maadi Women 's Guild Christmas Bazaar was held on Friday , 12 December , at Wadi Degla . Most of the silent auction items sold ; many of the raffle winners were there to claim their prizes . Some weren 't , necessitating phone calls to let them know they had won and to make arrangements for them to take possessions of their prizes . That part isn 't over yet ; I need to make some phone calls this afternoon . There 's also a report to write and a few odds and ends to clean up - - one of the donors wants me to let her know how much her donation went for in the auction , that type of thing . But the majority of the event is over . It was a crazy two days . The day before the bazaar , we were supposed to be there from noon to 6pm to set up . It was good that we were supposed to be done by 6pm ; Jeff had a rare office party , and both of us wanted to go ( even aside from the knowledge that it would be good for office politics if we attended the boss 's party ) . Jeff had taken the day off work to help , because I had been told that we would need men to help move the heavy stuff like tables . Then I was told that , no , the guy who 's renting us the tables will deliver them and set them up . So Jeff had the day off , but he was able to do the commissary run and then relax . Pam and I had planned to be at Wadi Degla at noon , but I received a phone call around 11 : 15 from Pam , asking me to come to the church . Apparently people were meeting there to pull items from the storage cage and then going over together . She had been summoned to the church , but had to go back home to get something , so she asked that I go to the church to answer questions about what was needed . By the time I got there , everything was loaded and the trucks were pulling away , so it was just a matter of waiting for a ride . Shortly after I arrived at Wadi Degla , it was time to unload the trucks that had come from the church - - after a brief delay when the drivers were arrested ( I never heard the reason , but they were released quickly ) . So we unloaded the various decorations , easels , and other random stuff , hauling it to a central location . We got some amused looks from the male soccer players who were practicing ; upper class Arab women don 't do manual labor of any type , and here you had all these Western women ( upper class by definition ! ) hauling boxes and laughing while they did it . It didn 't take too long to get things unloaded , and then we sat and chatted while we waited for the silent auction room to be swept out and for word on when the rented tables would arrive . The room where the silent auction was going to be held is a coffee shop in real life , so it had tables and chairs that we had permission to use , but we had planned to use the rented tables instead . That plan changed instantly once I found out that the rented tables wouldn 't be delivered until 5 : 30 . So I 'm not sure what the women responsible for setting up the other areas did , but Pam , Halina , and I got started rearranging the tables in the coffee shop so that we could use them to display our silent auction wares . After setting up the tables , we decorated them with white tablecloths and silvery - glittery - blue mesh , which was fashioned into bunting by Pam 's skillful hand . We set up a couple of Christmas trees - - with much laughing , since one of them was a broken down tree top that used an upside down laundry basket with a hole in it as its base ; we had to break out the duck tape to make it stand even almost upright . We covered the unsightly base with a pretty red tree skirt and no one was the wiser - - as long as no one touched it , because then it tipped over about 30 degrees . Then we made two large signs to hang outside the room , to let everyone know where we were . We decided to wait until the next morning to hang them up , to prevent anything from happening to them overnight . Our decorating done , we were ready to go home until the next morning , when we would hang the signs , display our items , and set up the bid sheets . It was around 4 or 4 : 30 at that point . So we headed out , and Jeff and I made it to our party that night . It was fun , but we left a little early . We had to be up early for the bazaar . We planned to be at Wadi Degla by 9 : 30 ; that would give us 2 1 / 2 hours to finish setting up before the doors opened at noon . Unfortunately , we forgot to plan on just how long it would take us to load all the donated items into our SUV . We pulled up to the Wadi Degla gate around 10 . Then we had to go through security and walk everything down to our room , with help from Pam , her husband Dan , and another volunteer . We had just gotten everything into our room and were beginning to unpack when we were told that we all had to go to the fenced area that would be the food court - - it was time for guards with dogs to go through everything for a final security check . I paced and fumed and muttered and took deep breaths and tried to calm myself down by not thinking of all the work still to be done while trying to spot the security detail doing the inspection . For a long time , I was convinced that there was no security detail ; there was not a dog in sight . Finally , though , they appeared and began a long , slow circuit of all the vendor tables . At last , around 11 , we were released from the food court . I was one of the first out and made a beeline for the silent auction room . Then it was a flurry of activity getting all the items displayed and the bid sheets out . We had to add a couple of tables - - and use some chairs as tables - - because we had so many items ( over 80 , possiby closer to 100 ) . Finally , the items were set out , but I realized that we had not set the start prices yet . Marge had been telling me for weeks that she would do it , but in the short time between when the items were all collected and the start of the bazaar , she either had forgotten or had not had time . So Pam and I went through with pens , setting start prices almost at random . Neither of us knew what most of the items would retail for , and we didn 't know if we should start really low and let prices work their way up or if we should start just under retail . So we just did the best we could on each item . We were still setting start prices when our first browsers came through the door . By 12 : 15 , we were finished with the start prices and setup . From then on , it was just a matter of answering questions , encouraging high bids , and keeping an eye on the smaller , more valuable items . Most of the time , I stationed myself right behind the pearl necklace , bracelet , and earrings that had been donated by Antwerpen Jewellers ( they appraised at around $ 450 - - dollars , not pounds - - total , if I remember correctly ) . Most of our other jewelry was on the same table , so I kept an eye on all of it and allowed Jeff , Pam , Dan , and a couple of other volunteers to handle the larger items . Dan and Jeff took turns going out to bring back food for themselves and for Pam and me . When we had another volunteer show up , I sent Pam out to roam around and shop . I hadn 't brought extra money with me , expecting to be in the auction all day , and it 's no fun to go shopping with no money . While we were in the silent auction room , Halina set up a table outside to sell raffle tickets . We also had some local boys , residents of an orphanage , who walked around selling tickets . The raffle drawing was scheduled for 3 : 30pm , which unfortunately was the same time as the end of the silent auction . Somehow we were supposed to shoo everyone out of the auction , determine the winners , and bring them back into the room in small groups to pay and collect their prizes , while at the same time handing out raffle prizes to the winners whose names were drawn and announced over the loudspeaker by a local man . Since that wasn 't going to work for us , we commandeered the loudspeaker to announce the winners of the silent auction at 3 : 30 , thus denying its use for the raffle . We were almost done with the silent auction when Marge re - commandeered the loudspeaker and started announcing raffle winners . I told her bluntly that she was handling the raffle while we finished with the auction ; if she wanted two things done simultaneously , she had to do one of them herself , because we couldn 't do both . ( Dan had had to leave early to prep for his office party that night , and Pam was about to have to leave , so we didn 't really have volunteers to spare at this point . ) Halina had mercy on Marge and handed out the raffle prizes while Jeff and I finished up with the auction . Once all the prizes were handed out and all the auction money was collected , we handed over the money box to the treasurer . She was less upset than I expected when she realized that we had combined the auction and raffle money , which should have been kept separate . I think she understood that we didn 't have much choice , since we only had one money box . ( Apparently we started out the day with a second one , but it was re - appropriated to someone else who should have had one but didn 't . ) When I get around to organizing the bid sheets , I 'll be able to tell from that the total amount brought in by the silent auction , so she can subtract that from the total raffle / auction amount if she wants separate amounts recorded . I 'm not going to say total amounts here without authorization ; I 'm not sure how public the Guild 's financial records are . It 's a bit different here than similar organizations would be in the States . Then Jeff , Halina , and I gathered the few items that didn 't sell at the auction - - most of them had received only one bid , and the winner wasn 't there . Those items will be sold at Guild meetings over the next couple of months , with the money still going to the charities . We took down all the decorations and created two piles : one pile ' o ' stuff to go back into the storage cage at the church , and another pile ' o ' stuff to come home with me until I could contact the raffle winners and disperse those prizes . That 's something I need to work on this afternoon . So , the bazaar happened . The silent auction and raffle combined brought in more money this year than last year , probably because we had a larger total number of items . All our donors will be listed in the January issue of the Maadi Messenger , and I intend to list them here as well , but not today . There isn 't enough distance between me and the bazaar yet . I 've been putting off writing this blog , and especially writing my report . The bazaar was just more stressful than it had to be . Some of it was due to my inexperience , but some of it was due to . . . other factors . We pulled it off , but there were definitely some things that I think should change . I 'm letting all the stress bleed away , and trying to let all the conflicting ideas in my head sort themselves out , before I try to put anything down on paper for my report . But now I 'm off to make some phone calls - - it 's time to reclaim my den by getting the last of the raffle items out of there . We 'll start with the winner you all know ( since it 's right there on the poll at the side of your screen ) . Put your hands together for Jeff ! His depiction of Cairo traffic resonated with someone out there . I can 't say any more than that , since people didn 't leave comments ( shame on you ! ) , but I guess that 's enough . Congratulations to Jeff ! While I was at the Maadi Women 's Guild meeting , my old friend Pam and my new friend MJ invited me to come with them to a pottery and tapestry exhibition downtown that was being sponsored by the Canadian ambassador . The exhibition is being done " by the young artists of GARAGOS ( Luxor ) , " according to the flier . Since Pam and MJ so kindly invited me , I had nothing else going on this afternoon , and Pam can tell you just how much I ooh and aah over the pottery around here , I decided to go . But I wasn 't going to buy anything - - just look and maybe see if Jeff wanted to go back with me if I saw anything I really liked . Right after the meeting , we were off . First we took Pam 's car , since she had driven it to the meeting . We parked it near the metro station , then walked over , bought tickets , and boarded the train . We stayed on through several stops , until we got to Mubarak station . That 's where the real adventure began . We knew that the exhibition was being held at the Jesuit School at 151 Ramsis Street , and MJ had been told that it was near . . . some other street whose name I don 't recall . So first we looked for signs pointing the way to that other street . We followed them in a nice winding pattern , up stairs , around corners , up more stairs , never quite getting to the exit of the underground metro station . . . and then I saw it : " Ramsis Street , " right there on a sign on the wall . So then we started following those signs instead . Up some stairs , around some corners , up some more stairs . . . and then we started seeing exits , but no signs indicating if those were the Ramsis Street exits that we were , in fact , looking for . So we took one . Up into the daylight at last ! But where exactly were we ? None of us knew . But wait ! A map ! So off we go to look at the map . While we were trying to get our bearings , a man in a uniform - - it looked almost like a police uniform , but not quite ; maybe it was a metro uniform - - came up and offered to help . We tried telling him what we were looking for ; we had been told to just ask for the Jesuit Center , and people would know . Nope . So then Pam pulled out the flyer , which has the same text printed in English , Arabic , and French . Voila ! He read the Arabic and started telling us where to go . We didn 't quite catch it all . MJ asked him to come with us to show us , and he agreed . Following this man around downtown Cairo was an experience ! He wandered out into huge , busy streets , put up his hand in the universal " stop " signal , and ignored the horns while he waited patiently for us to cross . We immediately crossed one busy street , then another . We walked a few more feet , then crossed another one . . . and another . We had come out of the metro station on the northwest side of a huge midan ( traffic circle ) , and apparently we needed to be on the southeast side . Once we were on the southeast side , he asked someone for directions . Apparently he didn 't quite know exactly where we were going after all ! After that , we turned north and we walked . . . and we walked some more . . . and a little bit more . And then he gestured at the high wall on our right as if to say " That 's it ! That 's where you 're going ! " Eventually we came to a gate , where our guide said good - bye . We tried to give him some baksheesh ( tip money ) for his kindness in leading us , but he refused to accept anything at all , so we sent him off with cries of " Shokran ' awi ! " ( thank you very much ! ) instead . We showed our flier to the guard at the gate , and he gestured down a driveway and then said " shemel " ( left ) . I could see two potential left turns easily , so I asked " Shemel henna walla henaak ? " ( left here or there ? ) His response : " A la tool , ba3deen shemel fi a3rebeyya " ( straight , then left at the car ) . Easy enough . We walked down to the line of parked cars , turned left , and saw an open door with a " Garagos " sign . Perfect ! I was amazed when we walked in . There were tables set up around the walls , and more in the middle of the room . All of them were filled with pottery in blue and green . Almost all of them had either a fish or a chicken figure drawn on the pottery somewhere . There were bowls , casserole dishes , plates , vases , cups , tea pots , divided platters . . . you name it . There also were a few nativity sets ( not blue or green , and no fish or chickens on those ) and quite a few votive holders . Displayed on the walls above the tables were beautiful tapestries . All the prices were very reasonable . The tapestries were around LE150 , the pottery ranged from LE7 to LE75 . ( I 'm sure there were some that were more expensive than that , but the ones I looked at were in that range . ) So how did I do on my plan to look and not buy ? Oh , I totally succeeded ! I certainly did not buy a vase for LE75 and a plate for LE17 . ( And if you believe that , there 's a bridge I 'd like to sell you . . . but shhh ! Don 't tell my husband ! He didn 't even know I was going , much less that I might buy ! ) I was not the only one to succumb . Pam bought a few small items , and MJ bought one large item and some smaller ones . She also bought a nice sturdy woven bag with handles to make it easier to carry than it was in the plastic bags they gave us . After a stop at the " W . C . , " as they call " the facilities " here , we headed back home . This time , we took a more direct route . Pam had noticed a pedestrian bridge over the busy Ramsis Street , just south of the Jesuit School . So we walked to it and used it to cross all the busy streets . In fact , we were able to stay on the bridge far enough that we came down some stairs and hit solid ground about ten feet from the metro entrance . We didn 't cross a single street at street level ! ( Okay , maybe there was one small one , but if so , it wasn 't worth remembering . ) Much easier than our hike to the Jesuit School , although I 'm still grateful for the guide ; we 'd 've never found it on our own . Then it was another saga in the metro station . We went down into the station and started following signs to the platform . Around a few corners , down some stairs , around another corner . Then the signs started getting more specific : we needed to follow the signs to Helwan . So then it was up some stairs , around a couple corners , up some more stairs , around a few corners , then maybe finally back down some stairs , around another corner , and finally ! The platform ! With a train pulling away . But no matter , the next train arrived mere moments later . I felt like I was back on the DC metro at rush hour , pushing my way into the women 's car , looking behind me to make sure Pam and MJ both made it on as well . Then we stood and held onto the poles . MJ eventually found a seat , which was good , since her bag was heavy . Pam and I were offered seats by kind Egyptian women - - girls , really , they couldn 't have been more than 17 years old - - but we turned them down . Some of the women definitely seemed more tired than us ; let them sit . The teenagers kept smiling at us . One asked us where we were getting off and made sure to tell us when we got near it . I had to teach Pam how to say " mafiish mesheckel " ( " there 're no problems , " which is used to say " it 's okay , it 's all fine , no worries " ) because the girls were insisting that she should sit . I thought they were being sweet . So we made it back to Maadi with a little extra walking but no problems . Pam came up to my apartment to hang out - - she had to be at the dentist , near my place , within the hour , so there was no point in going across Maadi to her home . Instead , she laughed at me as I explained why the Christmas tree is only decorated on the top half , ran into the kitchen to rescue my bag ' o ' breakables from the curious kittens who had jumped up on the counter , came back to sit in the living room and then immediately hopped up to run back into the kitchen to rescue her purse from the curious kittens who again had jumped up on the counter , then chased Isis away from my root beer . . . eventually Pam distracted the kittens by dangling her keys from her purse strap . Then when she tried to leave , Isis wouldn 't stop playing with her purse strap . . . then I accidentally stepped on Isis while walking Pam to the door . . . ah , life with kittens , it 's a wonderful thing ! The adventure never ends ! Several years ago - - I don 't know when - - my stepfather - in - law , Marty , started a family tradition with his children . It since has expanded to include my mother - in - law , Maryanna ; the husband of Marty 's daughter ; the girlfriend of Marty 's son ; the girlfriend 's young daughter ; and Jeff and myself . This tradition occurs every year on Thanksgiving day and is known as " The Ornie Competition " ( " ornie " being short for " ornament , " of course ) . Each member of the family makes or buys one Christmas ornament that is representative of his or her year . The family members draw numbers out of a hat , bowl , or cupped hand to determine the order in which they will present their ornaments and explain the ornament 's significance and why it deserves to win the competition for the Best Ornament . Competition is fierce , and winners are remembered - - at least by themselves - - for years ; one or two members of the family in particular claim to remember having won the competition each and every year since its inception ( malleable memory is a wonderful thing ) . In 2006 , my husband and I visited over Thanksgiving for the first time . We joined in the festivities as well . That year , Jeff 's ornament depicted the U . S . Capitol building with the Constitution behind it . It represented his job - - he had started working for the U . S . government while still in college , and he continued to serve his country as a federal employee , although he had recently switched agencies . My ornament was a silver heart with the year and " Our First Christmas Together " or some such inscribed on it - - Jeff and I had married earlier that year . As I recall , Jeff won that year 's competition . Last year , in 2007 , we again visited my mother - in - law for Thanksgiving . Jeff 's ornament was a helicopter ; mine was a train , to represent all the time I spent on the MARC and Metro trains commuting from Maryland to Washington , DC , and then going all over the city conducting background investigations for OPM . That year , we had a three - way tie , I think . My ornament tied with a plane ornament from Marty 's son - in - law ( he had done a lot of traveling ) and the artist 's palette from Marty 's daughter ( she was making some major changes and viewed her life as a clean easel waiting to be painted upon ) . Jeff and I had such fun during the Ornie Competition both years that we didn 't want to miss it this year , even though there is this little detail of us being half a world away . So I mailed my homemade ornament to Arizona , Jeff had his web - purchased one sent to Arizona , and we set up a Skype conference call at 11pm on Thanksgiving Day . It was an interesting call , as my in - laws ' computer didn 't much feel like showing any pictures - - theirs or ours - - so they had no idea where they were pointing their camera . There were many statements like " Now we can see the window " and " Now I see someone 's shoulder - - I think it 's , yes , it 's Marty 's shoulder . Pan left ! No , your other left ! " Things also changed this year because we had so many entries that the decision was made that we 'd never reach a consensus on the winner - - last year 's 3 - way tie may have had something to do with that - - so we changed the judging system . Three names were drawn out of a hat , and those three people became the judges . But in any case , here are pictures of this year 's entries . . . We had three political ornaments this year to commemorate the historic nature of the U . S . presidential election . Marty , his son - in - law , and his son all chose to go this route . The son - in - law 's ornament reflects both the election and his Texas pride . Marty 's son actually tried to cheat by presenting two ornaments - - one Obama one and one in memorium of a friend who had died this year . I don 't have a picture of the second one , so I 'll stick with the first one he presented ( which is the only legitimate one ; duplicate entries are discarded - - okay , I just made that rule up , but it ought to be the rule ! ) . This one was a fairly ingenious , simple , homemade one - - it 's his voter registration card with an Obama sticker on it ! Marty 's daughter 's entry was a tribute to her new company ; she is a TV producer . Maryanna 's ornament was a tribute to her current job . Her plant is closing down next year , and she 's decided to stay on with them until the end . Her ornament this year was hand - constructed out of materials relevant to her job as a purchaser at a plant that makes explosives . Jeff 's ornament was a depiction of Cairo traffic . This ornament is movable - - the cars start out separated , but you hit a button , and they fly toward each other until they almost crash . It 's pretty typical of Cairo cars , too . The dove is the entry of the son 's girlfriend , the child 's mother . I couldn 't hear what she was saying , so maybe Maryanna will kindly leave a comment to explain both mother 's and daughter 's entries ? ( Feel free to further explain any others as well . ) My entry requires multiple pictures and a longer explanation . My whole life this year was shaped by the knowledge that we were moving to Egypt . And everyone knows that the pyramid is the shape associated with Egypt . So just as Egypt formed the shape of my life , the pyramid had to be the shape of my ornament . But what about the sides ? Well , so much happened this year that I decided that each side of my pyramid would represent something significant . This side shows a picture of Isis , taken not long after we adopted her . Isis has brought much joy and love to my life . This is a typical pose for Isis - - sitting regally and expecting to be adored . She knows exactly who she is - - a cat , through and through - - and she 's not afraid to let you know who she is and what she wants . This side shows a picture of Cleo - - it 's much clearer than it appears in this photo ( I couldn 't try too many times to get a good picture due to battery constraints ) . Cleo also has brought much joy , love , and laughter to my life . This pose is typical of her - - play , play , play , all the time . She 's our crazy kitten / monkey / fish / baby / U . S . Marine . So those were the entries this year . I know who won , and I know who I thought ought to have won . I also know who Cleo would have voted for - - I just had to rescue Jeff 's ornament because Cleo was trying to get a closer look . Which ornament would you have voted for ? Leave me a comment or vote in the poll * - - it closes on Wednesday , 17 December 2008 , at 12 : 01 AM my time ( at least I assume it 's my time ) . I 'll let you know who actually won after the polls close . Do you see it now ? Yep , that 's right . . . my nativity set is missing the baby Jesus . He was there when I left the house this afternoon , in His manger where He belongs . But He isn 't there now . I can 't prove it , but I suspect Cleo . I found her playing with Joseph 's lantern in the middle of the floor earlier today . Joseph now holds nothing in his hand ; the lantern is in a drawer for safekeeping . It 's way smaller than the baby Jesus . It didn 't occur to me that He might be in danger , too . I 'm a stay - at - home wife to Jeff and a stay - at - home mother to Alexa and to our two cats , Isis and Cleo . Because Jeff is a Foreign Service Specialist with the U . S . Department of State , we get to see the world , one post at a time . My life is an adventure ! JeffMy husband is a Foreign Service Specialist employed by the U . S . Department of State . He 's a bibliophile and a technophile who loves spending time with his wife and daughter . Alexa Our daughter is a sweet not - so - little preschooler who is too smart for her own ( or my ! ) good . She particularly enjoys anything related to Curious George , Mickey and Minnie . She loves playing with her " babies " ( stuffed animals ) and making houses and thrones for them with her Picasso Tiles . Cleo & IsisOur two cats were adopted from a S . P . A . R . E . shelter , now unfortunately closed , in Cairo , Egypt . They share the classic appearance of Maus , although Isis also sports a white chest and belly . Cleo enjoys jumping on counters and anywhere else she isn 't supposed to be . Isis enjoys eating and then curling up for a nice long nap anywhere Alexa isn 't . Search This Blog ( c ) 2008 - 2015 . All rights reserved . Unless otherwise noted , all content belongs to Deborah . When quoting , I would appreciate a link as well as the attribution . |
Published on Amazon ? If you have a book , e - book , or audiobook available on Amazon . com , we 'll promote it on WritingForums . org for free . Simply add your book to our Member Publications section . Add your book here or read the full announcement . Thank you for all your entries . The winner will be stickied until the next contest 's winner is crowned . No more entries are allowed in this contest . It is possible to vote for yourself , but I would hope in the name of good sportsmanship that you would only do so if you have read all the other stories and given them your honest evaluation . You gain nothing if you base your vote solely on how you feel about the author or whether you have personally invested time and effort in the story . In the end , your conscience is your only judge . " Can you hear anything ? " I whispered . We were crouched , my brother and I , in the freezing cold and dark , he with his ear to the closed living - room door . I was right behind him with my chin nearly resting on his shoulder . We 'd never dared to anything like this before . We 'd pretended to be asleep at our normal bedtime , but we 'd made a pact to keep each other awake until our parents were settled down in the living - room . That was when they were most likely to talk . We knew what we were doing was incredibly naughty - and rude . We knew that if we were caught we 'd be in great trouble . But there was something up . There was an atmosphere in the house . The odd words between our parents . The exchanging of meaningful glances . Something way beyond the ordinary . And we very badly wanted to know what it was . So I 'd put a hairbrush down the back of my pyjamas so that it prickled me whenever I rolled onto my back and started to doze off , and John had kept himself awake reading under the bedclothes with his torch . At last it seemed quiet , and we crept slowly down the stairs , missing the fifth step up which always creaked . John had draped a blanket around his shoulders . I 'd put on my quilted dressing - gown and slippers , but still we shivered . There was no central heating houses like ours in those days , and it was December and frosty outside . There would be a fire lit in the living - room , and the Rayburn was always alight in the kitchen , summer and winter , because it was needed for cooking . That was it as far as heating went . We always wore vests and thick woolly jumpers that Granny knitted for us , but still we felt cold for much of the winter . I used to hug my clothes to me under the blankets in the mornings to warm them up before I got dressed . But John wasn 't taking any notice of me . I could see from the expression on his face that he was straining to hear . He was older than me by two years and that made him the natural leader . Then all of a sudden we could both hear really clearly , because my mother had raised her voice . I 'd say she was almost shouting , but that didn 't seem possible . In all of my nine years I could never remember my mother shouting . But we could hear her cut - glass tones through the door as clearly as if we were in the room with her . " I will not go to Grays , Arthur , " she was saying . " I don 't care what transgressions you want to atone for or whose souls you want to save . Grays is a bridge too far . " I didn 't really understand what she was saying . Trangressions . Atonement . Words I 'd vaguely heard in church when I was bored and wishing I could be out playing with my friends . Other people didn 't have to spend hours in church the way we did , and I often envied Alison and Jane and Pamela and the others who 'd be out playing hopscotch when we were sat in the dank cold hearing about sin and salvation . My mother 's voice again , still loud . " But you 're needed here . You 're doing such good work here . Such important work here . " Then my mother again , her voice sounding all angry in a way that was completely unlike her . " You go if you must . But the children and I will stay in Malvern . " " Take it then , Arthur . I don 't care . We 'll go to Mother 's . At least the children can stay at decent schools . " Our parents never argued , not like they were doing now . But you could tell , from the odd comments they made , that there was a lot that they disagreed about . Schools were one of them . Granny , our mother 's mother , was another . We 'd got good at picking up the odd comment they made when they thought we weren 't listening . If you got enough odd comments you could string them together to get some kind of meaning out of them . We knew , therefore , that Granny had a lot to say about schools . And about how we were being brought up . And about our father . We also knew , from the silences as much as from the chance remarks that we listened in on , that Granny didn 't think much of our father . " I said nothing about divorce . " My mother 's voice again , rising in pitch and volume . " You know perfectly well my views on divorce , Arthur . When you decide to live somewhere … somewhere more suitable for the children then we will of course be reunited as a family . " It was always a bad sign when she used his name a lot . Arthur this . Arthur that . We both knew it meant she was annoyed with him about something . She seemed to have been annoyed a lot recently . In contrast , my father never seemed to sound cross . Nor happy nor sad nor anything very much in particular . He just went about his routines . Got up , had breakfast , read the paper , read the post , went out on parish visits , came home . Sometimes he would look at John or me and seem surprised , but other than that he mostly just looked like he was busy thinking of other things . And he did a lot of praying . Keeping quiet because Daddy was in his study praying happened a lot in our house . There was a long quiet bit after my mother 's last utterance . We could hear the music playing on the radio , and a very quiet murmur that was my father talking . Then she spoke again , in a slightly quieter voice . We knew that note of finality in my mother 's voice . Like when she said no more biscuits , or time for a bath . When she used that voice , her word was law . " Scarper ! " whispered John , but really he didn 't need to . I was already halfway up the stairs , not forgetting to skip the creaky fifth step , and John was right behind me . We just reached the landing and disappeared from view when we heard the living - room door open and for a moment we could hear the radio clearly before it was turned off with its usual loud click . It was a huge old valve radio in a polished wooden case that had to warm up when you switched it on . Granny had given it to us when she bought a new transistor one . We didn 't have a television partly because they were expensive and partly because our parents thought children should be out playing or , if inside , reading books or playing board games like chess and draughts . " Are you sure the children are asleep ? I thought I just heard a noise from upstairs . " I could hear my father 's voice , now , at the bottom of the stairs . " They were sound asleep when I checked on them earlier . Sometimes Lucy wakes up and goes to the toilet . I 'll check on them again when I go up . " I lay under my bedclothes shivering and not able to get to sleep . I heard my mother came upstairs and she pushed open our bedroom door and stood there for a few moments in the dim glow of the landing nightlight . I made my breathing go all slow and steady as if I were asleep . Then I heard my father 's footsteps coming upstairs and there was moving around and the sounds of teeth - brushing and toilet - flushing and doors opening and shutting as they got ready for bed . That was another of the things Granny disapproved of . She said we were too old to be still sharing a room , a boy and a girl together , but there were only three bedrooms and one was my father 's study , so it couldn 't be helped . Even John said it was babyish to climb into his bed with him , but I only did it now if I 'd had a nightmare or if there was a thunderstorm or something scary like that . " There a girl called Deidre at school , " I went on , still in a whisper . " Her parents split up and now she never sees her father . I wouldn 't want never to see Daddy again . " But John had fallen asleep and I must have done too , because the next thing I remember it was morning . My mother had opened the curtains and the winter sun streamed in lighting up the frost patterns on the windows . In our house the metal - framed windows would frost up on the inside and I loved drawing pictures and patterns in it with my fingernail . I always got told off for doing that because it left marks on the windows until they were cleaned again , but I still did it . " Come on sleepyheads or you 'll be late for school . Daddy 's already at the breakfast table , " said my mother in her ordinary everyday cheerful voice . She didn 't say anything about me being in John 's bed . We always ate breakfast sitting around the table together . And all our meals for that matter . We didn 't graze like families do today . In our house , no - one would start eating until everyone was sat down . " Darlings , " my mother said brightly , once we were all downstairs and grace had been said , " Daddy and I have exciting news for you . " She smiled that particular smile that we knew so well . It always accompanied some unpleasant announcement that we were all meant to pretend was good news . Like when she decided that we should give up meat for a month and send the housekeeping money she saved to help the starving in Africa . " Sorry , Daddy , " said John . I could tell he was as agog as I was to hear my mother 's announcement . It was hard to see how it could be anything other than bad news , whatever it was . " We are going to move . Daddy has been offered a new parish . It 's a wonderful opportunity for him and for all of us - it 's always exciting to have a new place to explore , isn 't it ? Better even than a holiday . " she said , beaming at us both . But I could see that while her mouth smiled , her eyes didn 't . " Yes darling . Grays is quite a long way from Malvern . But won 't it be an adventure ? There will be loads of new friends to make " . " What happened ? " I whispered to John as soon as we were out of earshot . " Mummy said last night that we were doing to stay in Malvern with Granny . " John had his mouth full of toothpaste and didn 't reply straight away . I waited impatiently while he finished his brushing and spitting and rinsing . It seemed like he was being deliberately slow . " Grown - ups " he said , at last , with a slight toss of his head as if in their direction . We could hear the faint clink of crockery from downstairs as my mother cleared the breakfast table . " They are always like that . Saying one thing and doing another . They 're a bit of a mystery , really . " Denmark leaned against the wall just next to the door . He lit another cigarette and listened as the argument in the room behind his back grew more and more heated . It was about him . Denmark smiled to himself . Surprise , surprise . Whenever people had a problem when he was around , it was always him . When he stepped into a room , others would often excuse themselves and step into another room for a ' discussion ' . Psh , discussion . Like hell . They weren 't even subtle . They 'd always be in the other room practically screaming , listing the reasons he shouldn 't be allowed to step foot in their home . Then the sympathetic voice would arise , protecting him , defending him like an unwanted , filthy animal that had managed to squeeze in under the door . He knew they looked down on him . Asses , all of them . Denmark inhaled and the red glow of his cigarette hovered in the darkness of the hallway . Had he been into some pretty sketchy stuff a few years back ? Sure . He 'd s snorted the occasional line , shot up , even got a few felonies tacked onto his record . That was behind him though , and he wasn 't going to apologize for something he had already cut out of his life . Not that he was perfect now . So he smoked , big deal . He didn 't finish college , so what ? He didn 't grow up in the avenues like these rich creeps , does that really give them the right to treat him like he 's subhuman ? He was disgusted by these people and felt tempted to walk straight out of the house and never look back . Except that he knew he couldn 't . If it was anyone else in the world , Denmark wouldn 't have had any qualms about saying , ' up yours ' and completely cutting them out of his life . He couldn 't do it though , not to Jake . He and Jake were too close . It would 've been a cardinal sin not see his best friend off in the morning . " I know how you feel about Denmark , and I feel the same way . But please , at least think about it , honey . He 's our son 's closest friend . " " Do you not remember what happened last time ? Jack was about to be shipped out , already packed up and everything , then that . . . that son of a bitch kidnapped our son ! We didn 't see him for weeks ! Don 't you remember how terrified we were ? That 's not friendship , it 's obsession ! It 's wrong , Deborah . I put up with it for a while , but it ends now . " " It was a hard time for everyone . Denmark loves our son , he just couldn 't bear the thought of being separated from him . We all thought Jack would have more time before he had to leave , it was a shock to all of us . " A sigh . " I understand and appreciate the value of a good friend , sweetheart , really I do , but this Denmark kid is simply not stable ! I don 't want to risk anything like that again . " " In this case , I honestly do . The guy 's not right . If Denmark is seen around our house tomorrow , God help me I 'll call the police and I 'll press charges . It wouldn 't be the first time we 've had to , to protect our family . . . " Denmark had heard enough . ' Protect ' their family . Protect their pride and good name from an urban boy is all . They had no right to do this . He and Jake were like brothers . But at the same time , he wasn 't going to get screwed over like that again just to say bye to his friend . He pulled out his wallet and snubbed out his cigarette on the back , where he 'd glued a strip of sandpaper . He waved the smoke out of the air and found a legal pad sitting on the end table in the hallway . He pulled out a pen and scribbled a message , which read : Mr . and Mrs . Keslar , you two know that out of anyone in the world , no one means more to me than your son . He 's my best friend , he has been since we were six years old . But I 've been doing some thinking lately , and I made an important realization . He was my best friend , but I was never his best friend . He felt closest to me , but I was never the best for him . Hell , I was never even good for him . He has plenty of other pals who support him and make him a better person . It kills me to say this , but I was never that kind of friend for him . He lifted me up , but I pulled him down . That 's why I made the decision not to come to say bye to him with all his other friends tomorrow . I love the guy with all my heart , but frankly , I think we all know I 'm not what he needs , and it might just be better for everyone if he gets sent off tomorrow without me there Denmark waited in his car . Hours passed , and still he waited , ruminating . They weren 't going to do this to him . He knew if he tried to go tomorrow , there 'd be serious repercussions . But what he 'd written in the note was true : he wouldn 't be there in the morning . He 'd be there tonight . He 'd spend one last night with his friend , and there wasn 't a damn soul who would stop him . And so he waited . He waited until the lights in Jake 's house blinked out one by one and the stars were obscured by storm clouds . Rain started falling , and even though the house had been dark for over an hour , still Denmark waited . When he was finally sure that everyone was asleep , he stepped out of the car . He left the door open . Jake 's family was full of light sleepers , and he didn 't want to risk waking anyone up with the slam of a car door . Slowly and methodically , he walked up the porch steps , avoiding the creaky areas . He slid a wood panel out from the door frame and removed the spare key the family kept there . Silently , he unlocked the front door and entered the house . He made his way through the darkened house until he found the room Jake was in . " Hey , buddy . " He stopped and stood still . " I . . . I know they 're gonna take you away tomorrow , man . I wish there was something I could do about it . I mean , it pisses me off , it 's not fair that they can do this . What gives them the right ? Seriously , you and I are brothers , we 're closer than brothers . Inseparable . " " Or the time you were totally plastered and picked a fight with that guy at the bar who turned out to be a UFC fighter so I had to step in for you ? Damn man , that guy would 've torn you apart ! You have any idea how terrified I was ? But I knew I couldn 't just stand back and watch you get destroyed , I had to get between you two . And then the next thing I remember being in the backseat of your cousin 's Mazda on the way to the hospital with a shattered jaw and broken arm , bleeding all over the place . " " Look , Jake . I don 't care what anyone says . No one 's taking you anywhere tomorrow . You 're comin ' with me . " He lifted Jake in his arms and carried him out to the front porch . The rain had wettened the wood beams . When Denmark tried to walk down the steps , he stumbled and dropped Jake , who fell and hit his head on the sidewalk with a grotesque crack . Denmark scrambled forward and knelt before his friend , holding his head off the pavement . Jake 's eyes were wide open , staring up blankly at Denmark . His mouth hung open slackly ; the string that had been holding his mouth shut severed . Embalming fluid leaked from a gash in his forehead . " I was worried for a second . You don 't look so bad though . " Denmark stood , brushed himself off , then grabbing Jake by the ankles , dragged his friend to the car and loaded him inside . The dark hit her eyes , leaving no light for her to turn to , just the dark . Her hands slowly wrapped around her sheets as her head pounded more and more . The throbbing of her head sounded too loud , and even as she tried to take deep breaths , it rattled down through her . The dream she had woken up from was horrible , just horrible and nothing she could do could block out the images that flashed behind her eyes . She couldn 't place them , but they were horrid . Bits and pieces of everything good in her life falling down and smashing like a mirror on sidewalk . The minute she opened her eyes , she knew it was worse . Because instead of being able to wake up in the end , she just had to grin and bear it . And in the morning she would get up and act as if nothing had happened . Her friends would see her smiling and laughing because that 's all she knew how to do , and she didn 't know how to ask for help . There was silence for a second as she rolled over in bed , putting her knees against the wall and staring at the roughness of the wall in front of her . Willing it to be over . Willing never to wake up . She had heard the beginning of the end . She had heard what started this whole thing in motion . And she heard it every night until she finally was willing to put the pieces together . " We need to get more money . " " You need to get a job . " " You need to stop being needy . " " You need to tell her that … " " I can 't afford this anymore . " " I can 't stand you anymore . " " Listen , these are your responsibilities . " " These are your choices that you need to make . " " The kids are depending on you . " " You need to leave me alone . " " You need to leave . " She had heard the beginning of what sent her downhill so quickly . She had heard the beginning of what lead her to stand in the shower , silent and naked , drawing a knife across her stomach . Watching the blood slowly trickled down her flesh , watching the skin rise to little red lines . She had heard the beginning of what made her crazy . It 's funny , that the source of our most massive guilt should almost always have such innocent origins . My guilt started when I was five . I was looking at the limited sweet selection of a local store with a school friend and wearing my shoes the wrong way round . We had bolted from her mother 's car as soon as she 'd decided to make the detour to buy bread or milk or some other sundry that I didn 't care about then and can 't remember now . I had pulled my shoes on in a hurry and had been so ensconced in deciding between the practical share - ability of jelly beans versus the aesthetic appeal marshmallow mice that I hadn 't noticed the error until the store owner , a large , affable Portuguese man , laughingly pointed it out . I didn 't realise what he was guffawing about until my friend nudged me and pointed at my feet . Still , I didn 't understand the laughter . What was so funny ? My face burnt red with shame and confusion . His laughter was joined by another customer , and then another . They pointed . They laughed . I cried . My friend looked at me , disappointed and embarrassed . She never gave me a lift home again . My parents often insisted that there was nothing wrong me , that I just had ' low self - esteem ' and a tendency to yield too quickly to the sharp tongues of school bullies . They believed that a hobby , a sport or a more focused attempt at making friends was the answer . However , looking at myself in the mirror everyday and watching myself metamorphose into something altogether hideous , I knew the truth . Those bullies could see the real me . After all , I had heard them , many times , identify with pinpoint accuracy the same flaws that I had watch eclipse everything good about me . I dreamt of an adult life in a crowded city , where my carefully practised ordinariness would afford me the anonymity that thousands of other nameless faces enjoyed . But as soon as I relocated and tried to participate in the world of others , the clamour began to rise again . Perfect strangers - more perfect than strange - no longer even had to open their mouths for me to hear their hurtful comments , their cutting criticism , their shocked revulsion . My carefully chosen camouflage failed to protect me . Walking down the street , I may as well have had a flashing neon sign stapled to my forehead for all the unsolicited disdain I attracted from my new neighbours . Finally , I caved in . On an Autumn day four years ago , after a middle - aged woman slowly looked me up and down on the train , and told me without speaking , that she found everything about me utterly repugnant . I clamped my hands over my ears and ran , bawling and howling , to my small apartment . I slammed the door shut , closing it the woman on the train , on the hateful strangers on the street , on the cruel schoolgirls . And then I locked it . I worked from home during those resplendent years of solitude , responding tersely to emails only when it was absolutely necessary to do so . I had food delivered to my apartment and waited silently until the knocking subsided and the packages were abandoned in the hallway before opening the door . I watched television , read books and trawled the Internet , looking for the missing component that separated others from me , noting the characteristics that separated the normal from the strange , the judges from the judged . In that way , I successfully avoided any legitimate form of human contact for 12 410 days . Until she arrived . My mid - afternoon nap was rudely interrupted by the loud thumping of heavy furniture being push - pulled up the narrow staircase that lead to my floor . I tiptoed to the door and peered through the peephole . I saw two young men , sweating under the load of a bright red sofa . They lumbered the heavy item into the doorway directly across from mine . I didn 't like the look of that sofa . It attracted too much attention . I suspected its owner might do the same . I was right . I heard her before I saw her , a loud squeal , followed by frantic hand - clapping . She pounced on one of the men carrying the sofa and threw her thin arms around him , her squealing surely adversely affecting his hearing in some way . She was all bounce and light , all blonde curls and tightly hugged curves , all skipping , jumping , uninhibited happiness - and now , she was my neighbour . I learned from watching her many social interactions in the hallway that her name was Christine . She must have been close my age , but appeared much younger , vitalised by a surplus of confidence and cheer . How unfair , I thought , that she should have so much and I should have so little . As though it wasn 't enough for her to be born beautiful , she had to have an acute awareness of the power that beauty bought her . As I studied her from behind the door , I began to hate her . She flaunted her happiness in front of me the way one might flaunt their obscene wealth in front of the poverty stricken . Worse yet , she insisted on frequently shattering my treasured silence with her constant attempts at ' meeting ' . I waited each time for knocking and the high - pitched ' Hellos ? ' to stop , before returning to my post at the peephole to watch her retreat back across the hall . Initially she came alone , but then she started to bring visitors along on her excursions to my side of the corridor . I heard her speaking to them . Telling them that she 'd never seen me , telling them that she was sure someone lived there , because the landlady had told her so . Telling them that she was ' worried ' because there might be something ' wrong ' with me . She said all those things and more , much more , things that only I could hear . Hurtful things , cruel things , things intended to cut and stab and wound and , ultimately I knew , to kill . I stopped ordering food for fear that she may see me skulk out into the hall for the 20 seconds it took me to collect my groceries . If I watched her from my peephole , it was perfectly reasonable to assume that she was watching me from hers . I rationed my remaining food , studiously cutting mould and other forms of decay from the cheese , the meat , the vegetables , until all that was left was decay . My phone line was cut , which meant that I had no way of working anymore , which meant I had no way of paying for electricity or running water . Those too , were subsequently turned off . Towards the end , I was able to stretch a can of beans and a packet of instant noodles across three days . I recycled my own micturations by filtering them through the soil of a long - dead potted plant and then through a stained coffee filter . I lived like that for five months . Without the distraction of television or the Internet , I found myself spending most of my waking hours at the peephole , watching Christine . Even when she wasn 't there , I thought about what she might be doing behind the door of her apartment . I wondered if she had just been to the store for fresh supplies , or perhaps she had returned , sated , from a leisurely lunch at a local restaurant . She would have sat there , amongst friends , eating , drinking and laughing that jingle - bell laugh of hers , completely at ease in front of other people . They would have smiled as they looked at her , as they spoke kind things about her and to her , as she continued with her enchanted life , unaware of the slow torture she was inflicting on me . For two weeks , I had been standing on the final eviction notice as I peered through the peephole . I had seen it there , but it didn 't matter anymore . Nothing did . I watched her fluff her clean hair out from under the collar of her jacket as she started making her way downstairs . She had laid one hand on the banister of the staircase when she suddenly changed her mind , turned around and approached my door , just as she hadn 't done for almost four weeks , 27 days exactly . I was hungry and exhausted , my mind sharp with pain . I realised as she raised her hand to knock that this would have to end one way or another . With my death , or with hers . She stood there , her crystalline blue eyes unnaturally wide with shock , her upper lip curled in disgust at the sight and the smell in front of her . Thinking back , I almost feel bad for her . It must have hit her all at once , like a wall of unspeakable horror . She started to speak , to find the words that she had wanted to utter so many times before , but I had already heard everything she had to say . " I … " was as far as she got as I wrapped my hands around her throat . I pulled her into the apartment with me , kicking the door closed as she forcefully struggled to free herself . We fell to the ground together and I thought , for a moment , that she might overpower me . She was strong , fit and fighting for her life . But then , so was I . It took great effort to roll on top of her and when I finally did , I held her down with one hand and flailed wildly for the first thing I could lay my free hand on . It was hard , cold and metal . My last full can of beans . Afterwards , my arms ached and my fingers felt stiffened and cramped from my hold on the can . My face stung with the scratches from her fingernails and everything , everything , everything was slippery or sticky with hot blood . The can itself was bent in several places and the wet label had long since slid from the metal . She was so full of life , it felt like it had taken me hours to beat it out of her . But , finally , she was still and blessedly quiet . I hear a lot of people here say that they ' don 't remember what happened next ' , but the truth is , they don 't care . They don 't care because it 's just not that important . In my case , it wasn 't important that I lost my home , or that I moved from one tiny room to the next , being probed and analysed by one insincere face after the next . What was important was that Christine had won and I had lost . I lost my precious solitude , my serenity and , as I keep being told , my sanity . I hear a lot of people here say all kinds of things . We 're all encouraged to speak - a lot , mostly about ourselves . Hearing what people have to say about themselves is almost as terrible as hearing what they have to say about me , but not quite . I can hear them talking about me even as they pour over the minutiae of their own boring lives . Lisa was waiting for her bath to fill . It had been a long day she was up at 3am for work . She worked at the airport in duty free and her shift started at 5am the commute in was a trek , the drive there wasn 't that long in itself but then after she arrived in the staff car park she had to wait up to twenty minutes for the staff bus to the terminal then a long walk from the bus stop to arrivals through numerous security gates then on her feet all day . Lisa 's could not believe what she had just heard . Was she dreaming ? Her heart was racing , pounding . It 's all she could hear . She was shaking . She got up and went into the bathroom steadying herself on the doorframe as she went . She turned the bath taps off . She didn 't know why she did it she was on autopilot . Wasn 't he happy at home ? Obviously he wasn 't she thought . She looked at herself in the mirror started to break down , tears rolling down her face . Pull yourself together Lisa she said to herself . She thought of him with another woman and she suddenly felt sick , she heaved into the basin . Fucking liar she thought . James entered the kitchen . Lisa could feel her anger building up . Her whole body tense , why was this happening to her , she thought they were happy god knows she was . They had only been married just over a year and they were trying for a baby . " You dirty cheating bastard " she said emotionless . His eyes were awash with disbelief and realization of why she had stabbed him . Blood was leaving his body fast . It was pooling around them as they both stood there . She could feel his body weaken . She felt like there was nothing else in the whole world but that moment and the both of them . James started to stagger and fell backwards Lisa let go of the knife . James hit the floor and he grabbed the handle his own hands shaking now . He pulled the knife out , his hands covered with blood . He was getting dizzy and felt cold . He looked up at her and their eyes locked as the life left his body and his eyes closed for the last time . She slumped onto the floor , curled up hugging her knees in the corner . She sat staring at her cheating husband 's body for an hour before the gravity of what had happened hit her . She dialed 999 and asked for the police and that she wanted to report her husband had been stabbed . When the operator asked who had stabbed her husband she replied I have . Andrei pushed his finger further up his nose . Perhaps if he didn 't bite his nails so much it would be easier . He pulled his finger out and sighed . He leaned his chair back and stared at the roof above him and felt the sway of the boat . The rain was drumming away as usual . Same as yesterday . Same as the day before . He sighed again and wondered if he spat whether it would reach the ceiling . He glanced sideways at the wall clock . Twenty five minutes past six . That meant something . He was missing something , something important . Remembering almost audibly popped into his head . He leapt up , scattering his chair behind him and dashed to the radio equipment . He flicked various switches on the equipment . Components began to glow , then a sound of static started to hiss from the speakers . Vasily emerged from the engine room , both hands down the front of his trousers . Andrei slowly turned the frequency dial and could just make out some voices through the hiss . It was almost too faint to be heard . He gently tapped the dial , pushing closer to the signal . Suddenly there was a increase in volume and a high pitched squeal came clearly through the speaker . Andrei stepped back and smiled . He recognised that squeal . It was Bessy ! Vasily charged back into the cabin , bottle in one hand , glasses in the other . He threw a glass at Andrei who caught it and held it out to be filled . Vasily splashed vodka liberally into the waiting glass . Vasily snorted and splashed more vodka into their glasses , ' You know I don 't want to be here . Stupid bastards think they 've got one over on me . ' He threw back the vodka , ' I suppose they have too at that . Miserable horse eating bastards . ' From the radio there came a loud whinnying sound . Vasily leapt up and roared , ' Bessy rides again ! ' Andrei couldn 't help but laugh , relieved that Vasily wasn 't getting bitter too quickly . Slapping sounds came clearly over the speakers . Vasily poured more vodka . ' Do you think he actually rides her like a horse ? She must be a big woman . ' He grinned , ' Ahh , big women . Although not too big . Just round , you know ? ' Andrei smiled , but it faded quickly . Vasily caught the look , and grabbed the man 's shoulder . ' Ah , sorry my friend . I forget how much you miss her . You don 't make any sense to me , volunteering for this mission . Abandoned on this miserable leaking tub , stinking of fish we never caught , and then crying for home . ' He shook Andrei vigorously , ' Have some more vodka because you 're an idiot . ' ' I can make a difference here . What we learn from these fools will make Russia strong . ' Andrei twisted his glass , ' This might be a punishment for you , but I believe in my duty . ' ' Well , I won 't deny they 're fools . He 's trying to give her a sugar lump now . Like it 's really a sugar lump ! ' Vasily roared again . He shook his colleague 's shoulder again , ' Alright then , I don 't care if I don 't understand why you 're here . If I 'm going to suffer on this floating coffin at least there 's some other idiot here to share my pain . At least there 's vodka too . Or there was , how did that go so quickly ? I 'll get another bottle . ' He lurched up and headed into the store room . As he left the room the sounds on the radio changed into more muted moans , creaks and groans . Andrei reddened , feeling slightly ashamed at listening to it . From previous experience he knew it wouldn 't last long and they were almost at the important part . Vasily re - emerged , ' All the horse crap is over then ? Shame , that 's the only part worth listening too . Crazy English politicians , either homosexuals or sexual deviants like this one . ' Vasily crashed into his seat , ' Fine . No problem comrade . I 'll do my duty . ' He saluted with the vodka bottle , with an extra flourish of pulling the cork out with his teeth . They sat in silence as the moans rose and fell . Eventually the sounds stopped , and they waited some more . Then the politician and the woman started talking , hundreds of miles away across the North Sea . Vasily and Andrei reached for their notebooks and started writing . A young man with thick glasses and huge earphones was rapidly flicking an array of switches on humming machinery . He looked up and said , ' Right , we 're all clear now ' . He sat at the desk in the centre of the room and started scribbling in a notebook . Gertie gave him a huge smile in return , ' No , not at all . You have Lord Haversham 's voice perfectly . It 's so convincing . I think I may have overdone some of my whinnies . ' She leaned over the desk the technician , hovering her exceedingly ample bosom just in front of his face , ' What do you think Billy dear ? You like my whinnies ? ' Harry moved round behind him and clamped both hands on Billy 's shoulders , ' Don 't tease the boy Gertie . ' Billy managed to look even more uncomfortable , then a second door flung open and a trim well dressed man walked in . Harry let go of Billy and took a step back , ' Ah , hello Mr Fortescue ! How did you find the show ? ' ' Excellent work Mr Carlton ! ' Mr Fortescue said , ' We 're extremely pleased . Some of the horseplay is perhaps a bit , let 's say , imaginative , but as long as you stick to the script we 're happy no matter how you deliver it . ' Fortescue shook his head , ' No , sorry Mr Carlton . It 's strictly need to know . What I can tell you is that the ministry is extremely grateful . So much so that we see no reason to stop any time soon . We 'd like to schedule the next broadcast on Tuesday again , so would a rehearsal on Monday morning be convenient to you both ? ' It 's my turn . I stand up . I say what I say . Everyone says an enthusiastic ( enthusiastic in a room of recovering alcoholics is probably better replaced with grammatically correct ) " Hi Mike . " I smile ( again , a smile for a recovering alcoholic is more like the expression you make after a gentle kick to the groin ) . I sit down . I think I 'm the last to go . " All right , thank you everyone . I 'm proud to say this group has made it to the 3 week milestone with only 20 % backsliding . That 's a remarkable achievement . " That 's John Greenly , the chairperson of the meeting . I 've got no issue with the guy except that there 's at least three people in this room that have gotten shitfaced in the last week . You can tell , their blood shot eyes are a little less red , their lip corners are a bit higher , their hands are only near their faces a third of the time . " I know this is a bit surprising , but trust me you can do it , so long as you follow the rules . Rule number 1 , you may not go with or have any chance of meeting any drinking friend or associates at this bar . Rule number 2 , the bar needs to have other people in it , preferably lots of people . Rule number 3 , you 're done after one half hour regardless . The objective of the outing is to eavesdrop on three separate conversations while you 're at the bar . I don 't care who you listen in on or what it is , but you need to be able to speak to it next week . " All right everyone , I 'm looking forward to hearing about your successes next week . Good - night . " We all fold up the chairs and stack them on these rolling carts so they can slide under the stage ( I 'm now picturing myself on stage , ripped out of my mind , trying to pick up a sixteen year old Juliette in front of the obligatory parental studio audience ) . When you 're an alcoholic , time moves at a special pace . Every waking hour seems about twice as long as the normal pre - alcoholic clock and four times as long as alcoholic time . By Friday , I 'm pulling out all the stops to tune out my body screaming at me for another drink . Eventually , I try to sit down and sit with the feeling , not even attempting to stop it , just sitting and focusing on the detail of it . The throbbing in the head , the tingling in the tastebuds , the shaking of the hands . I pack up my cubicle ( 3 blissfull 5 foot walls that keep me apart from the rest of the world ) and head to the elevator . I get to the main floor and make a left out of the building , the opposite of my normal route home . I 'm looking around for places I 've never been to , and I have to walk a while until I see some hoity toity martini type place filled with 20 something metrosexuals and diva wanna - bees in heels . I walk through the door and make my way over to the bar . The bartender is wearing some preppy too tight looking white shirt with suspenders and black pants . In my old days , I 'd save my first few bits of vomit for guys like this , but I guess I 'm a different man now . I ask for a cranberry juice . He gives me a weird look , walks away and is back in ten seconds with a highball glass fully outfitted with lime and lime green straw . Beside me are a couple of guys trying to talk over the music . " They 'll do . " I think to myself . I turn around and stare hard at the TV above the bar . " Well what the hell am I supposed to do , put a gun to the guys head . We couldn 't match the numbers , there 's no amount of salesmanship that can make up for that . Not Chef Tony , not Ron Popiel , no one . " " You 've got to know your competition , their strengths and weaknesses . You 've got to be able to put some fear , some seed of doubt in their minds . That 's all you need . " I 'm sick of this already . True , it 's the first time in the last five hours I haven 't been fixated on drinking , but I can 't stand salesman . ' Something about their disingenuous nature rubs me the wrong way . ' Thinks the eavesdropping alcoholic . I 'm off to the next spot , a nice flat wall to park my ass in between two booths . I leave the fancy straw and the fruit at the bar and squeeze my way over . I turn around and try to focus on the Indian girl on my right . I decide to get the third one done with and get the hell out of here . My cranberry juice is about half done and I can 't stomach the thought of another five dollars leaving my wallet . I look around the bar to see if there 's anything more promising than my first two victims . I settle for an open space that won 't seem too retarded for me to squeeze into beside 2 late twenty - somethings nursing what looks like to be scotch . Pomising . " Apparently this week he 's sending them to bars to eavesdrop . I mean , these people have been off the bottle for three weeks and they KNOW one of the keys is to avoid any place that serves alcohol . Even restaurants , much less bars . " I 'm finished my cranberry juice and stare at the empty glass . My mind is in overdrive , thinking about what the hell I had just heard . But instead of anger , the only thing that comes up is apathy . Some kind of indifference to the whole situation . I come to the realization that maybe my addiction is not to alcohol , it 's to being a guinea pig for anyone strong willed enough to use me . It 's to never having to live life on purpose and always having someone or something else to blame for everything that wrong on my life . It 's the realization that the only behavior replacement that is ever going to work is me asserting my will on the world and those around me . |
Most people think I 'm a little different for posting on tombstones and memories associated with the person . Especially for the shoe in the picture below . I will explain that story later but what I find so spiritual today is that I have been going to post this for quite some time but never felt I had the right words or if I should even post it . I had thought about it back in August on Michael 's birthday , but somehow didn 't feel I should . Today , I had some extra time at work and thought , I am going to post about Michael Pickering today . I went to the school website to obtain his obituary and was so suprised to see that today is the anniversary date of his death . I knew it was in November but did not remember the actual day . Michael Pickering Michael Pickering , 16 , Meta , died Nov . 30 , 1999 , at University of Missouri - Columbia Hospital and Clinics , from injuries sustained in a truck accident . He was born Aug . 17 , 1983 , a son of Robert and Traci Bullock Pickering . His father survives in Meta . His mother and stepfather , Traci and David Teeter , survive in Ravenna , Mich . A sophomore at Maries County R - 1 High School , he was active in the Future Farmers of America . He was a member of First Baptist Church , Vienna . Other survivors include : one brother , Tommy Pickering , Meta ; two sisters , Rachael Pickering , Meta , and Olivia Teeter , Ravenna ; two stepbrothers , David Teeter and Joshua Teeter , both of Ravenna ; paternal grandmother , Joyce Pickering , Lincoln , England ; and maternal grandmother and step grandfather , Ernie and Lois Gallant , Deer Park , Texas . Services will be at 2 p . m . Friday at First Baptist Church . The Rev . Cameron Moles will officiate . Burial will be in Stokes Cemetery , Meta . Visitation will be from 5 - 8 p . m . today and from 9 a . m . - 2 p . m . Friday , both at the church . Memorials are suggested to the Stokes Cemetery Care Fund , or a charity of the donor 's choice . Arrangements are under the direction of Birmingham - Martin Funeral Home , Vienna . Michael was Todd 's good friend , Tommy Pickering 's brother . Todd spent alot of time at Tommy 's throughout school and went on dog show trips with Tommy , Michael and Tommy 's Mom . Just good people , good friends . Sadly , Michael was killed in a truck accident just a few miles from our house . Such a sad and shocking time in these people 's young lives . I had drove into Rolla the day after and I saw a shoe right on the edge of the road . I picked it up and brought it home with me . It was Michael 's shoe . Dwayne and April were very upset with me for doing this and Dwayne wanted me to throw it away . I couldn 't , it was a link to Tommy 's brother . I kept it hid in a trash bag in my closet . April wouldn 't go anywhere near my closet for years . Todd didn 't think it was right either , but he didn 't say much . I told Tommy about a year later that I had Michael 's shoe . Wasn 't sure what he would think of that , but he got a funny look on his face and said he would like to have it . Time went on and Tommy didn 't come by for it and I didn 't want to just take it to him . Then I got an idea to somehow fix it into a " shoe planter " and give to Tommy . My family thought I was absolutely nuts ! My sister , Katie is good at crafts and I knew she would help me come up with something . A few years ago , I reluctantly gave up the shoe from it 's safe keeping and gave it to Kate to fix for me . Kate then started having a rough time in her life , a divorce and many life changing events . I was so afraid she had lost the shoe through all of the happenings . In August of 2011 , I asked Kate is she still had the shoe , thankfully , she did . I had made a copy of Michael 's picture out of an old Year Book and copied the obituary . Kate laminated these together , made a ribbon out of camouflage and fixed the planter for me . It turned out so good . I brought it to my work and called Tommy and told him what I had done with the shoe and we were going to meet in Vienna one day for him to pick it up . I hid it under my desk at work for a couple weeks . I figured the cleaning lady thought I was a little crazy . I was going shopping with April one weekend last fall and I brought the shoe with me . I thought I would drop it off at Tommy 's on my way home . We did not take my vehicle shopping and April totally avoided my truck when I was loading up my shopping bags before going home . I started to get a little nervous , thinking maybe I had made a mistake in doing this . I couldn 't remember exactly where Tommy lived but I saw an older white Ford truck in his dad 's driveway so I pulled in there . Right after that Tommy 's dad , Robert pulled in . I was so nervous . I told him what I had done and hoped that I wasn 't offending him by coming by . He got tears in his eyes and said , no one ever talks about Michael anymore . He said there is not a day that goes by I don 't think of him . He asked if he could see the shoe . I took him over to the truck and he picked up the shoe and looked at it . He said , you don 't know how special this is to me , thank you . Whew ! I was afraid I had made a huge etiquette error , etc . I told him Todd was keeping the area dedicated to Michael on Hwy E where the accident happened cleaned and we put flowers there . Our neighbor , Steve Snodgrass had put up a wooden cross there in honor of Michael . He said to tell Todd thanks for doing that . ( I really don 't think the family has ever been able to go over to the actual accident site ) He then asked me if I had been over to the cemetery to see Michael 's tombstone . I told him no and he said you need to go over before you go home . His eyes were all lit up as he talked about it . He said Michael loved animals so we have animals engraved on it and a deer statue by the stone . Hey , it 's not just me that thinks a tombstone / grave site tells of a person 's life and history . He thanked me once again and told me how to get to Tommy 's . I then went on over to Tommy 's . Tommy was glad to see me but I think seeing Michael 's shoe was too overwhelming for him . I felt really bad for him and thought I had made a big mistake in coming over . I think it just brought back so many memories for him . He then gave me a hug and said thank you , it meant alot to him . We talked for a few minutes ( along with me trying to squeeze in a hug from his daughter , Kenadi ) . I told him his Dad wanted me to go see Michael 's grave site before I went home . His face then lit up and he said , that 's where Michael 's shoe belongs , is with him . We visited a little and then he asked if I would mind taking the shoe over and placing it on Michael 's grave as that was fitting it should be with him . I still feel kind of bad for Tommy though . I think the thought of picking up Michael 's shoe was just too much for him . I , in no way meant to offend Tommy . I so hope and pray he was okay with it . I can 't imagine the pain and suffering the Pickering family has endured . But they don 't want people to forget Michael . If you have a memory you want to share of Michael , they would be glad to hear it . I am grateful my intentions were greeted as what they were meant to be . A memory of Michael and the only article of his they were able to obtain after the accident . Family , don 't take them for granted , enjoy and cherish each minute every day . Love my oldest , that 's for sure . But he has been having a difficult time lately . Can 't find a job with this economy , getting behind on bills , etc . It worries me to no end . But at the end of the day , I think that all that is really important is he is alive and well . It 's not that he doesn 't try , he does and sometimes he just doesn 't make the best choices and honestly , life has dealt him a few curves along the way . If something is going to happen , it will be Chaddy . ( like a horse falling head over and landing on top of him , breaking his collar bone , shoulder - but luckily did not break his neck . The accident he was in last Spring that very easily could have left him for dead . If you saw the truck you would know God was with him in that accident and spared his life . ) I wish to reach out to each of you to pray for Chad . He had a really good interview yesterday for a promising job , but there were seven more interviews just yesterday , not considering the rest of the week . He would be so good at this job and it is doing what he loves . My Chad has the biggest heart . He reaches out to everyone . He has opened his home to more than one person that didn 't have anywhere to stay . One person had a little boy that Chad has came to love as his own . He still sees Desmon at least once a week and sometimes Des spends the weekend there . Just yesterday when all the buzz was about what you would do if you won the lottery . Chad said , " The first thing I would buy is a truck for Todd . " A truck for his brother ? That 's the first think you thought of ? Man , is that unselfish or what ? ! I am so proud of Chad and his love for people . I visited with my good friend , Pat from childhood . Pat is such an amazing person . She came home from Vegas a few years ago to take care of her Mom . The first few years were more of a live - in companion and helping out . That changed in the past year as Maxine has had several more health issues and then a broken hip last Spring . She also has a feeding tube due to another health problem . Pat is so patient with her Mom and sees to her every need . The days are getting harder on her but she doesn 't complain , she just says , " That 's my mom . " Not many people would be able to devote such loving care on a daily basis with the grace Pat has shown . I admire her very much . Added to this stress , a couple weeks ago , she found her brother , Randy dead . Randy had been staying also recently to help with the lifting of Maxine . What a blow to the family and I know much harder on Pat than she lets on . Randy had been in poor health and almost two years ago wasn 't expected to live , but many prayers and a long stay in the hospital he recovered . He had another bout this past Spring and came through once again . Those times were expected if he should die but this came about totally by surprise . Think of my friend , Pat in your prayers . She 's for sure following the Bible 's rules of caring for your parent with grace and dignity . But she is getting tired , she doesn 't want to admit it but she is getting worn out . I also worry about her after this all over , such dedicated care and constantly being with her Mom and then the ending . She will certainly feel such a loss of her mother but also a total change in her life . That afternoon , I put a roast on for supper . Chad and Todd came up and we had the best visit . They stayed for four hours or more . They had been helping Dwayne cut wood all day and as soon as Dwayne pulled in with a load , both boys were up and out the back door to help him split it . Good boys , or I guess I should now say good men . They aren 't my little boys anymore , but in my heart they always will be . And there is not a time that I see Chad I don 't get a big hug and Todd is getting better and hugs me by each time he comes over . April was going to buy a computer at Best Buy and I suggested Dwayne and Mike come along with us . She 's like , huh , why ? I should have listened to her . We first went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch and it was very good and the guys had a good time . Best Buy was right by their parking lot so they thought we would go there next . No , why would we do that , if we bought the computer and needed software , someone could steal it out of the car while we were at the mall . April drives across the street to the mall and Mike is , we 're really not going here , are we ? I thought he was just joking and giving us a hard time . Then when we get to the mall , Dwayne and Mike are both like , we don 't do malls . Well , we told you we were going here when we invited you . As we were walking toward the mall , Mike stops and says , I 'm not going in , I 've never been here before . I still thought he was joking . Then he says , seriously , are we really going in ? I turned to him and said , " Mike you just went from being my favorite son - in - law to my least favorite in the blink of an eye " . I think it might have upset him at first but April reassured him he could be either one as he is the only one . I was just joking with him but maybe a little serious . We get in the mall and just kind of stand around . Then I said , April , let 's just ditch them . So we did ! We just went off shopping and left them to do whatever . But we really didn 't shop much , we felt rushed . We went back to where we left them and didn 't see them around . I called Dwayne and they were just leaving Sears heading back to where we started from . At least they found tools to look at and Dwayne bought needed tools of chalk line and some other small item , but he was happy . April still needed to buy a gift for a Christmas party and we couldn 't find anything at the mall . When we got to Jeff City , we pulled into Target . The guys stayed in the car . We did get some good shopping in , not very long , but enjoyable . For the past few years , Dwayne and I have been going over to Mike and Susan 's to visit while their kids are home for Thanksgiving . We just missed seeing Kelsey this year . She had left about an hour before we got there . We watched Carrie grow up right before our eyes and now the same is happening with her kids . The age old saying , " where does the time go " ? Avery , the oldest is more laid back . But he talks alot ! Which seems strange for a Southard grandchild as most of the Southards are pretty quiet . Avery seemed more interested in our visit this time as he has gotten used to the us coming over . Evan , the second is quite the child . Mischievous and full of fun and merriment . He always calls Dwayne the cowboy as he has his hat on all the time . He didn 't know him at April 's wedding without his hat . Luckily , at the reception he found the cowboy as Dwayne had his hat on then . There is never a dull moment around Evan . Ellie , the third and also the little girl Carrie had always wanted . I tease her that she followed my footsteps in birth order . Ellie is a little doll ! ! I can see both Avery and Evan in her expressions . She loves her Granddaddy ( as they call Mike ) . She can be fun loving and a little of a dare devil around her brothers but then turn right around and be the little girly girl . We always enjoy our visits with the Kansas City grand kids as we refer to them . As we leave , the boys say bye cowboy and your cowgirl . lol Mom and Dad had been busy for a couple days before hand getting things ready . I went up Wednesday night and they were getting ready to put the turkey on . Dad was like , " your Momma is gonna have all five of her kids here tomorrow " . Like it was just Mom excited about it , uh can 't fool me Dad . My niece , Tammy was there with her sons Josh and Cody . So good to see them and even if the boys are grown , they always seem to enjoy the day and time spent with family . Josh brought his little boy , Jay with him . We thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon on the porch watching him . He will be three in February and is in a very cute stage . I am a deer camp widow every year . Most times I like it and just stay home and clean , read or just do whatever I want . And I thoroughly enjoy it . I told him I was going to stain the patio door . ( My anecdote for not feeling content staying home is perseverance and doing a project and liking it ! Yeah , I am kind of hard on myself ) Dwayne said it 's too pretty of a day to be home , why don 't you just go visiting . I 'm thinking , like who ? I go to church and as I 'm leaving it is a beautiful day out . Do I really want to go home and stain the door ? It does need done - but it has needed done for quite some time so why not wait for a dreary weekend this winter . First Stop : My good friends , Pat & Kenny Allen . I love visiting with Pat and we seldom get to visit . She works so hard at her job and then helping to take care of her Mother - in - law when she gets home . Mabel Allen used to run the Vichy Tavern for years on Hwy 68 . It was more of small hometown type atmosphere where you could take your kids with you and visit with all your friends . The kids would ride trikes ( much to the dismay of the ones playing pool ) around the floor , catch an occassional pool game when the table wasn 't being used and just having fun together . The floor was always so dirty , our kids had a bath directly when we got home before we could even think about putting them to bed . We all have such fond memories of Mabel 's . It was good to see Mabel up and moving around and having a good day . Second Stop : My friend , Susan 's . We have been friends since we married . At first not by choice as I was from Vienna and Susan was from Belle . Little controversial there for awhile . But our husbands were best friends and our friendship grew from there . I can always count on Susan whenever I need her . We spent so much time together as our kids were growing up , almost every weekend . We didn 't have much money but we certainly had alot of fun . We would cook whatever we had on hand , the kids would play and we often played cards . Such good times ! Susan was getting prepared for her kids coming home for the holidays . She has three of the most cute grand kids ever ! ! We usually try to get over and visit whenever the kids are down . Carrie 's boys think Dwayne is a cowboy . They didn 't even recognize him at April 's wedding as he didn 't have his hat on . They 've not seen Chad and Todd very much , but they are also cowboys . Third Stop : Mabel Carney 's . Mabel is such a treasure . I 've know her my whole life . We went to church together and her and her husband , Don owned Carney 's Market . Sometimes when the kids were little , that would be our outing . Just driving up to the store and visit and get a soda . ( My kids didn 't like candy ) Carney 's Market was Chad 's first trip coming home from the hospital . We had a good visit catching up on family and neighbors . I stayed over two hours and could have stayed longer . When I was growing up , Sunday afternoons were spent visiting or just going on Sunday drives . Our society has changed so much over the years , I think we have strayed away from this old time tradition . We need to get out more and just plain old visit with people . I hope I keep up with this more from time to time . Little Julia only weighed 1 lb . 11 oz . when she was born . Difficult birth for Momma and quite a scary time waiting to see how their baby was going to be . Miracles happen . Julia is almost five pounds now and so far all testing has came back good . Beth gave us a tour of the house and the beautiful view of the creek bottom out their back windows was breathtaking . I love our house and would never move , but I do get a little envious of the views some people have . Maybe I could just talk Dwayne into picking up and moving our house to the top of the hill . . . . . . . . . . In my dreams ! Or Dwayne 's nightmares ! ! ! ! ! ! lol We then drove the side roads to get back on the highway . A HUGE buck ran across the road in front of us . Man , wouldn 't the guys be envious if April and I had shot that one ! We ate at Miller 's Grill , not our first choice . I wanted to eat at Aussie Jack 's but since there was police tape all around the door and porch , uh we decided something must have happened . I meant to check the news later to see what but I never thought of it again until now . A couple years ago , Randy had been in the hospital with heart and kidney problems . He wasn 't expected to live . There were many prayers sent out for him and miraculously he came out of it . Then earlier this year he had another severe stay in the hospital . He had been doing so much better so his sudden death kind of came as a shock . We expected when he was so bad in the hospital , but not now . We do think he died peacefully in his sleep , possibly from a heart attack so he didn 't suffer any . Several ( like maybe 15 or so ) years ago , we had went to St . James for some family friends 50th Wedding Anniversary . The Vichy Pig Roast group always has a good time and we had a very good time that night . I think the boys were too old to be running around with us and it was only April that had gone . Randy was quite inebriated by the end of the night and his girlfriend had apparently left him there . When it came time to leave , Randy didn 't have a ride . So we offered him a ride home . What an eventful ride that was ! ! Randy was telling stories , some funny and some kind of sad . Their dad was very strict when they were growing up and he told of some of the beatings him and his brothers received . Then , he 's like , Connie , your dad didn 't beat you kids , did he ? I said no , we were made to mind and received occasional spankings but were never beaten . He went on to say we didn 't know how lucky we had . Then he kind of quieted down , probably about to pass out . It had started snowing on our way home and turned into quite a blizzard . The closer we got to home , the worse the road got . Dwayne really had to concentrate to see the road and watch for the slick roads . All of a sudden , out of the blue , Randy comes to . He said , " Connie , your dad is the best man that ever sh _ t behind a pair of boots . " I 'm like , what Randy ? He repeats it . I had never heard that expression before but after I figured out what he meant I found it quite humorous and truth be told , honorable to my dad . ( in a weird warped kind of way ) The rest of the ride home was listening to what a wonderful man my dad was and how he treated everyone well . And we heard the boot story SEVERAL times on the ride . I think that was one of the longest rides home from St . James , what with Randy 's stories and the super slick roads . But it is a pleasant memory of Randy . No matter what in this world , people notice when others are nice to them . The picture in Randy 's obituary brought me back to when we rode the bus years ago . I was seven years younger but I still remember that smile of his . Randy was friendly no matter where you saw him . His brothers and some of his friends started calling him Randolph in the later years . Couldn 't get used to calling him that . Most of the times I 've seen Randy in the past years is on the county road or when I went to visit his Mom , Maxine and sister , Pat . This excitement faded as I walked in the door at work . Sheila asks me for the money bag ? Uh , money bag , it 's at home under my mattress ! ! I couldn 't believe I forgot it . I am seldom in charge of the money bag and if I am , I go to sleep telling myself over and over , do not forget the money bag in the morning . I say , I 'll just run back home and get it . Whoops ! ! I had brought Dwayne 's truck in to have serviced at Weidinger 's and as I look out the door they are already picking it up . John says , that 's okay , you can take my truck . Just don 't hit any deer along the way . ( He had just hit a huge buck a couple weeks ago and did alot of damage to his truck ) . So , off I go home to get the money bag . Luckily , I did not see any deer along the way . Kay , Ruthie and my ex - sister - in - law , Marilyn arrive promptly at 11 and off we went . I think there were constant conversations overlapping each other on the way over to St . James . We all had so much to say . We went to the gift shop by Sybil 's to look around . I had never been in there before . Very tastefully decorated and many gifts to choose from . Also , very tasty dessert samples ! ! We then walked on over to the restaurant for lunch . When we sit down , Marilyn looks around and says , is it old lady day or what ? Only Marilyn ! ! ( and it did seem to be several tables of older ladies but also several tables of our age , so what does that tell you ? ) We were celebrating Marilyn 's birthday . We had so much fun visiting and laughing . Laughter for sure is the best medicine ! ! We all had a great time and decided we needed to do this for Ruthie 's birthday , too . We then decided since it 's so close to Christmas , we would make it for January . I didn 't get back to work until 2 o ' clock ! ! I asked my bosses what they thought of me taking a three hour lunch and they just laughed . ( They are very lenient ) . But I still had quite a bit of work to do in a short time . My niece , Lizzy got off the bus at my work as she needed to be in town at 5 : 30 for a Junior Deputy Program at the courthouse . Dwayne calls me around 4 : 30 and asks if I can come on home as he got off a little early and due to my Ford Edge driving so fast ( ? ) he would be home at five . We were going to St . Elizabeth to Miss Kitty 's for a surprise birthday party for Mike 's 30th birthday . So , I go in ask John . " John , since I had to go back home this morning to get the money bag and then took a three hour lunch , do you care if I end the day by leaving a half an hour early ? " He 's like , go for it ! So off Lizzy and I go . Dwayne gets home , takes his shower and we rush off to try to get Lizzy back to Vienna by 5 : 30 . Once again , Dwayne shows me just how fast my Ford Edge can go . . . . . . . . After showing off a little and me telling him we were responsible for an eleven year old in the back seat , he slowed down . Thank goodness ! ! lol Being a guy , Dwayne is constantly on the look out for deer along the road . I never understand him and the boys getting so excited to see a deer when we see them all the time . About that time , I yell , look out ! ! There is a guy standing in the middle of the road . I thought I was going to have a heart attack . Apparently he was walking back across the road from getting his mail and for some odd reason he was just standing in the lane we were driving on . ( Maybe we blinded him with our headlights , like with a deer . . Uh , I 'm just joking on that ) Dwayne swerved to the other side of the road and it was just like the guy kind of came to or whatever and started on toward his driveway . He kind of hopped as he ran , so I don 't know if he had a hurt leg , was daydreaming , or what but thank goodness we didn 't hit him . It 's a dark road , he 's dressed in dark camouflage and we had just came around a curve . Very scary . We drop Lizzy off at the courthouse but I couldn 't just let her go in by herself . I had to walk her down to the sheriff 's office and check her in . I guess I was in there longer than I realized ( talking , if you can imagine that ! ) as Dwayne came to the stairs and said , Connie , we really need to get going . We got to Miss Kitty 's on time but Mike was early so we missed the surprised look on his face . It was fun catching up with Mike 's family and people we had met at the wedding . We have found St . Elizabeth to be a very friendly and welcoming community . I was having a great time and not ready to leave yet but deer camp was calling Dwayne 's name . " Deer Camp Eve " seems to be the best time to be there and I was lucky Dwayne came with me to the party as he never misses the first night . Mike must rate as the number one son - in - law for Dwayne to come to his party . After Dwayne got his stuff ready and left for deer camp , I watched TV for a little while and decided I had worn myself out today and was ready for bed . And here I had planned on staying up late and reading . Kara is such a loving , selfless Momma to her little boy . There is such joy in her face when he is around . He can be crying to beat the band and she just smiles , cuddles him in her arms and he is content . So so proud of this girl and sure do love her little Parker . Sunday , we celebrated his birthday at our house with a huge meal and most of the immediate family there . We had a good time sitting around and visiting . My niece , Kayla brought down a couple old VCR tapes of Molasses Making in 1995 and a couple of her Tyler 's birthday parties when they were small . We all enjoyed seeing the kids being so young and of course us sister 's hairstyles and clothes ! ! What were we thinking ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Well , now that Mike is in the family , him and my Dad get to celebrate together . Dad 's is November 6th and Mike 's November 10th . We didn 't get any pictures of the birthday boys together this year so I thought I would share the ones from a couple years ago . Wow , I got to buy my first son - in - law card this year . It was kind of a toss up as Mike turns 30 on the 10th and either doing a funny 30 card or the son - in - law one . Decided I liked the son - in - law idea better . Zach went with me to Wal - Mart last week and we had fun looking at cards . We found a couple we thought were funny and then we saw this one ! ! We couldn 't resist . Most everyone thought it was hilarious but April . Not sure why on that . . . . . But the truth is , she started working at Connie & Albert 's when she turned 16 and at school after hours cleaning at age 15 . April always bought her own clothes , paid for her car insurance and was overall responsible from the time she was old enough to start working . She worked evenings throughout high school and on through her two years at RTI . Seldom , if ever did she ask for money . We do brag on April quite a bit and most of it is in a teasing way . We were delighted to be able to plan and prepare for her wedding and yes , we paid for it . We had dreamed of that moment since she was born . And yet , sensible April made most of her decorations , bought things on sale and still had a very well decorated reception . Her dad and brothers made items to use and the boys were just as thrilled as if it was for their own wedding . Now for the spoiling , don 't think those brothers of hers just sat back and didn 't do any ! ! They love their sister very much and it was hard for them to let her go . . . . . . . . and especially to move so far away . ( 45 miles , uh could be lots worse ) Chad and Todd would do anything for their sister and also for each other . One of mine and Dwayne 's most proud accomplishments is the loyalty and love our three kids have for each other . And now we have added another son to the family and the boys are there for him and are thrilled at how well he treats their sister and sees the love Mike has for April . We were honored to be invited to a shower for a couple of April and Mike 's friend Friday night at Brinktown . I have become acquainted with Beth through April and found she grew up in the Vichy area and I know her family . She got married not far from us on the same road as our son Todd lives . This couple has had a hard time carrying a pregnancy to term . We were all so delighted when Beth seemed to be doing so well with this precious baby but that all changed in August when Beth 's health and the baby Julia were both at risk . Baby Julia was born two months early and only weighed a little over a pound . Due to many prayers , modern miracles and the parents love , this little girl has come a long way and got to come home a couple weeks ago . She seems to be doing very well and Mom and Dad are handling everything in stride , along with moving into their new home just in time for Julia to come home . The whole community is overjoyed for them . These cute little butterflies made out of diapers were on the tables . Leave it to my husband to open one up and use as a napkin ! ! He thought that was what they were for . . . . . . . . . Oh , well , it worked ! lol Luckily Lindsay wasn 't offended when Abigail started to fuss a little and he just picked her up out of her carrier and started walking around with her . Seemed to work as she settled on his shoulder and went right to sleep . I think he would have walked with her the whole time we were there if she hadn 't woke up and got hungry . You can see the joy on his face . I can 't imagine how happy Dwayne will be when we are blessed with grand babies . ( I might be just a little overjoyed as well . . . . . . . . . . . . ) I can see people running the other way when they see us as we won 't shut up with all of our grand baby stories . lol We really had a good time visiting . Dwayne didn 't know many of the people there but soon became acquainted . Especially with the parents of small children as he tried playing with the toys with them or holding any baby available . We 've changed some since 2008 . We celebrated 35 years of marriage at our daughters wedding in September of 2012 . We 've added a family member , Desmon who lives with Chad . Desmon is now nine years old and a big party of our family . Our dream of becoming grandparents one day finally came true with the birth of April and Mike 's baby boy , Cash Michael on October 12 , 2013 . We were blessed with a granddaughter , Iva Lorraine Holtmeyer , born June 3rd , 2016 . We couldn 't be happier . |
Tara looked out her bedroom window , on a bright Saturday morning , at her neighbor 's kids playing in the front yard . They didn 't have a care in the world , except play and have fun . At 17 , Tara wondered what it would be like to be carefree again , with no worries of school , boys , or the future . She had babysat for those kids many times . Kayla was 2 and Aimee was 4 . Both were still in diapers full time , as Aimee was having trouble training . Tara liked how cute they looked outside in just their diapers and t - shirts . It was hot outside and their mother let them play in just their diapers while she did yard work . Tara decided to go outside and play with them . She got up and changed out of her pajamas and into a white t - shirt and her favorite pair of short overalls . Then she tied her hair into a ponytail and headed outside . " Hi Kayla , hi Aimee ! " Tara shouted happily . The kids were happy to see her . They loved to play with her . Mrs . Johnson , Kathy their mother , was also happy to see her , as it would allow her do concentrate on her work and not the kids . " Oh , it 's no problem Mrs . Johnson , I love playing with them too , it makes me feel like a kid again . " Replied Tara . Tara went over to the kids , who were on the driveway , and started drawing with them . They were using chalk to draw on the driveway . Kayla couldn 't do much more than scribble , but Aimee had drawn a big bright rainbow , with a big sun at the end of it . Tara secretly loved the sound the diapers made as they crinkled when they moved . Tara and the girls drew for quite a while . In fact , Tara didn 't realize how much time really went by . As she looked over a Kayla , she noticed her diaper was really sagging . " Oh Kayla , you 're soaked . Let 's get you all cleaned up . " Tara picked up Kayla and took her inside . On her way she passed Mrs . Johnson and let her know . She carried Kayla to her nursery and laid her on the changing table . Tara knew her way around this room easily from all her times babysitting . She looked down at Kayla smiling with her pacifier in her mouth . Tara started undoing the tapes on the diaper and pulled it out from under her . She rolled up the diaper and put it in the diaper pail . She looked down at Kayla and saw how happy she was , grabbing for her toes , sticking her butt up in the air and not even caring who sees her . " You are so lucky sometimes . Nothing worries you , you don 't care about anything but a clean diaper and a warm crib . I wish I could be like you for a while , just to see what it is like . Wear diapers , drink from a bottle , sleep in a crib , have someone else take complete care of me . I even wonder what it would be like to be bibbed and fed in a highchair . " She then reached for the wipes , as she reached up she saw one of Kayla 's extra pacifiers next to the box of wipes . Curiously she quickly popped it in her mouth and finished changing Kayla . She sucked on the pacifier a few times . She kind of liked it . It was somewhat soothing . She caught a quick glimpse of herself in the mirror and smiled . " I know , I was in the kitchen and overheard what you said on the baby monitor . Was it all true ? " asked Mrs . Johnson . Tara now really blushing replied , " Uhhh . well . it was just kind of ramblings , nothing anything I guess . It 's just their life seems so easy . I guess . . I dunno . . sometimes babysitting them I think about it . " Tara turned beat red . " I 've kind of had a feeling you were curious . I 've watched the way you change their diapers . The way you look at the diapers and smell them sometimes and the way you feel them . But after hearing what you said and seeing you with a pacifier , now I 'm sure . " Responded Mrs . Johnson . " Don 't be embarrassed sweetheart . There 's nothing to be embarrassed about . You have a curiosity , everyone has them about one thing or another . But not everyone gets to experience them . " " I mean , would you like to be a baby for a day ? My baby ? It will help you curb your curiosities , and you never know , you might have a lot of fun . " asked Mrs . Johnson . Still embarrassed Tara didn 't know how to respond . She partly wanted to say yes , but did she really want to do it . This she didn 't know . What would her mother think ? How would she ever be able to babysit for her again after this ? How would the two girls react ? " No problem Tara . I 'll tell you what . Why don 't we start tonight ? You can come over around 5 : 00pm and spend the night and all day tomorrow . as my baby . " Tara now had a big smile on her face , but at the same time was worried how everything would go . How was it really going to feel to be a real baby again , and to be treated like a real baby again . Mrs . Johnson went and picked Kayla up off the changing table and headed for the kitchen . On her way out she looked at Tara . Tara took a long look around and anticipated what was going to happen to her very soon . I big smile came over her , and so did a million butterflies . But she was excited . She followed out to the kitchen and saw Aimee at the table eating a sandwich her mother made her and drinking from a sippy cup . She watched her and then asked Mrs . Johnson and few questions . She looked at Kayla , now sitting in the high chair , with a bib , waiting for her food . She was looking at Kayla in a different light now . Everything that was now happening to Kayla was soon going to be happening to her . Later that evening she would sitting in that same highchair , with that bib on , waiting for her food . " Well for tonight , the only thing you 'll need to pack is a couple of t - shirts . Cute ones if you have any , it will suit the part better . And that 's all you 'll need , your whole wardrobe this weekend is just a diaper and t - shirt for all to see . " Said Mrs . Johnson . " OH ! ! " exclaimed Mrs . Johnson , " I almost forgot . We are going to need diapers for you . You surely won 't fit into any that I have for the girls . It 's 2 : 30pm now , why don 't you go to the store and buy some big diapers for you and bring them back here . While you are gone I will talk to your mother about our arrangement . " Said Mrs . Johnson . Tara was really nervous about going to the store . She didn 't know what to look for in a diaper , or really what size she needed . She walked down the street and into the grocery store and headed for the diaper isle . They didn 't have much choice for adult stuff , but she found two choices and quickly grabbed a package of Attends . She checked the size chart and figured she needed a small and grabbed the package off the shelf . She quickly headed for the checkout to make a quick transaction and leave . She carried the package back to Mrs . Johnson 's house and put them in her nursery . She enjoyed the fact that it was now ' her ' nursery , at least for the rest of the weekend . " Great . Well why don 't you head home for a bit . It 's 3 : 15 and I have to put the girls down for a nap and then tidy up and get some things ready for your little stay . " " Okay . . . Mommy . " said Tara . It felt weird calling someone else ' mommy ' but it made sense . Even Tara 's own mother hadn 't diapered her , or even seen her naked for that matter , in about 13 years . Tara was so excited . This is something she wanted , but never thought it would happen . All those times babysitting , wondering what it would be like , and now it 's going to happen . Tara walked into her house trying to act normal . She didn 't want her mother to suspect anything unusual was going to happen while she was gone . She walked up to her bedroom and looked for her most babyish shirts she had . She found a couple of nice white ones with pink trim and a little bow in the neck . She had had this shirt since she was 12 and somehow it still fit and was very cute . The other was plain white with a colorful flower in the middle of the chest . " These will be perfect . " Tara said as she held them up in front of her . These shirts were perfect she thought . These were the ones she always wore her tight blue jeans . They came down just above the belly button , which usually looked really sexy , but now they will help show off her diapers . Tara then heard a knock on her door . It was her mother . She pushed the door open and walked in . " Oh , not at all , I think it 's nice of you to help her with the kids . She said she had a lot of work to get caught up on and without your help she would never get it done . " Her mother replied . She put her shirts in the bag and looked at the clock . It was 3 : 45 . The countdown had begun and she was watching every minute . She was worried that her mother might find out , or what any neighbors might say if they saw her . She was only across the street . Tara decided to go watch some TV to help pass the time . Tara had drifted off to sleep . It was hard to imagine falling asleep with all the excitement ahead of her but somehow she managed . She woke up with a start , she thought she was going to be late . She didn 't realize that she had fallen asleep . She quickly went over to look at the clock , it read 4 : 50pm . " Well then let 's get you settled in . The girls are still napping so when they wake up you 'll already be a baby . They are going to love it . " Kathy motioned for Tara to get up on the change table . She didn 't think she would fit and she barely did . Her butt was right at the bottom of the table , she could barely keep her heels on it and the base of her head caught the top end , but she was able to stay up on it enough for Kathy to do a diaper change . It was a home made table she made since her six year old was still needing changes . Tara laid there with a whole lot of emotions going through her . Kathy then started taking off Tara 's clothes . She undid the buckles of her shortalls and then slid them down her legs and pulled them off . Next she undid Tara 's bra and slid it off the end of her arms . Lastly was the big girl panties . Tara was now laying there completely nude . Kathy could tell Tara was nervous and didn 't know how to act , so she quickly grabbed one of Aimee 's pacifiers and put it in her mouth . Tara started sucking on it immediately . She then started cooing at her and tickling her , like she would for Kayla , she then reached down and grabbed one of Tara 's diapers , opened it up , and slid it under Tara 's butt . Tara could here the crinkling of the diaper and it excited her . This time it was her diaper , not Kayla 's . Kathy then rubbed a good portion of baby oil into her diaper area and then gave a nice coating of baby powder . Tara loved the smell of the powder and started to smile . The diaper was then brought up between her legs and fastened snuggly . Tara was now fully diapered and loved it . She didn 't know how she was going to feel once the diaper was on , since she had never worn one before , but she loved the bulky feeling . She liked the way the diaper was thick and smooth and very crinkly . It made her feel like a baby . Kathy sat her up on the table and grabbed one of Tara 's shirts and slipped it over head . The shirt came down to the top of the diaper . Kathy liked the look of her new baby and gave her a big hug and kiss . Kathy took her over to the full length mirror on the back of the door . Tara looked in awe , she could not believe how much she looked like a baby girl . She couldn 't help but reach down and feel her diaper . It was so thick , she couldn 't believe she was wearing one , and in front of someone she knew . She played with it for a while , making it crinkle , and loving the feeling of it . She put on a big smile and continued sucking her pacifier . Kathy took Tara by the hand and lead her to the family room where all the girls toys were . She let Tara sit down on the floor and start playing with toys . Kathy turned on the TV to the children 's station and let it run . Tara spent a lot of the time crawling around to hear the sound of the diaper . This is something Tara wanted ever since she started babysitting the girls . Now she was going to know what it felt like to be a baby . A few minutes later Kathy returned to the room carrying a baby bottle and a bib . Tara knew it was for her and smiled . Kathy went over to Tara and tied the bib around her neck . Tara was really loving the baby treatment . She didn 't have to worry about anything , it was all taken care of . Kathy sat on the couch and motioned Tara to come over and lay her head on her lap . She did so and Kathy put the bottle in her mouth and she started sucking . This was starting to be everything Tara was hoping it would be . Tara loved the taste of the warm formula and sucked the bottle dry . Kathy went to the kitchen and put another bottle in the microwave to heat it up . A minute later she was back and Tara started to drink that one . When she was about half way through the second bottle Aimee woke up from her nap and came downstairs . She looked puzzled for a bit and then walked into the room . " Yes , " her mother replied , " she is going to be your baby sister until tomorrow . She is going to be the same age as Kayla so I want you to treat her the same way you treat Kayla . Okay ? " " Okay , she looks so cute in a diaper . She 's the biggest baby I 've ever seen , but it 's going to be a lot of fun . " Said Aimee . Kathy put Tara in Kayla 's playpen while she went upstairs to change Aimee into a clean diaper . Tara played with the toys . She wasn 't thinking about anything in her real life right now , she wanted to enjoy this as much as she could . Tara never realized how filling formula was , she was actually feeling almost full from the two bottle she drank . " Well , she wanted to know what it felt like to be a baby . After all these years of babysitting you girls , and changing your diapers she was curious , so I told her I would treat her like a baby this weekend if she wanted to really find out . And she agreed . " Kathy finished changing Aimee 's diaper and let her go downstairs to play with Tara . Kathy went and looking in on Kayla and saw her awake lying on the bed . Her diaper was wet too , so she took her to the nursery and changed her diaper . When they were done they went downstairs and Kayla saw Tara for the first time . Kayla went over and gave Tara a big hug . Tara returned it and asked to get out of her playpen . Kathy went over and picked her up and put her on the floor . The girls started playing happily together while Kathy got their dinners ready . After about half an hour pf playing , Tara felt the urge to go pee . At first she didn 't know what to do so she held it in . But then she thought , why hold it in , I am a baby in a diaper , I 'm supposed to pee , just like Aimee and Kayla . And with that thought she let it go . The warm pee flooded her diaper , her crotch warm and wet . She felt the pee spread around to her butt , and it felt really good . Tara realized she loved the freedom to just pee at any time , and she loved the feeling of a wet diaper . She sat there for a while not doing anything , just enjoying the feeling , when Aimee noticed her diaper . Tara blushed bright red . She was so embarrassed that she just peed a diaper like a real baby . Kayla and Aimee looked at her and then her diaper and giggled . Tara was nervous and then started to cry . This really surprised the girls , they had never seen Tara cry before or wet a diaper . Kathy came over and comforted Tara and took her into the nursery to change her diaper . " I can 't believe I started to cry , " said Tara , " I just didn 't know how to react with the girls around . It just kind of hit me that I had just peed a diaper like a baby , and I got scared . " Tara said . " I have to tell you though , I really liked wetting the diaper , it was fun and felt really relaxing . Actually I really like the feeling of being in a wet diaper too . " Tara blushed again . " You like a wet diaper ? Well you 're the first baby I met that likes a dirty diaper . So in that case I 'm going to leave you in that diaper until after dinner , that way you can enjoy it . But I 'll have to watch that you don 't get a rash . " " Well she isn 't that wet , I just wanted to calm her down and stop her crying . I 'll change her after dinner . Now go and play okay . " Said Kathy . It was now about 5 : 30pm . Tara and the girls continued playing with the toys . She kept looking at Kayla and Aimee in their diapers and realized she looked the same . They were all playing when Kathy came in and said that their dinners were ready . Aimee and Kayla ran to the kitchen and Tara followed . Kathy looked at Tara and said , Tara went in the other room but couldn 't help watching Kayla get fed in her highchair . She actually felt a little jealous . She loved the treatment Kayla was getting and couldn 't wait for her turn . She was getting really excited when Kayla was almost done . She had never sat in a highchair before , not that she could remember anyway , and was really excited about it . Aimee was old enough to feed herself , and old enough to have normal food . Tonight she was having chicken fingers and fries . She loved to dip them in ketchup . When Kathy was finally finished with Kayla , she called Tara . She let Kayla out of the highchair and gave her a bottle of apple juice to drink while watching TV . Tara walked over , with her soggy diaper , to the highchair and Kathy helped her get in . At 17 she was a tight fit . Tara was not a big girl , but normal for her age , 5 ' 3 " and about 115lbs . She was no toddler , and would never fool anybody by wearing a diaper , but she managed to fit in enough to make the chair work . She couldn 't use the foot rest or her knees would hit the tray , so she let her feet dangle . Aimee looked over a t Tara and smiled . Kathy walked behind Tara and tied a bib around her neck . Tara had these strange feelings come over her as she sat in the chair . She was really starting to feel the role of a baby and was really liking it . With the bib tied around her neck and sitting in the chair , Tara was ready to eat . Kathy brought over the bowl of food and a sippy cup of juice and started to feed Tara . Tara looked in the bowl at all the food mushed up , it didn 't look too appealing , but this is what she asked for . As Kathy brought the first spoonful to her mouth she opened wide and took her first taste of real baby food . Tara winced at the taste , it was awful . The pureed beef was bland as it had no preservatives or seasoning like salt or pepper . She almost spit it out , but managed to get it down . ] " Well that 's what babies eat , and that 's all you 're getting for the rest of the weekend . Now eat up or you 'll be in big trouble sweetie . I don 't want to have to force feed you . " said Kathy . Tara reached for the sippy cup to help wash the food down . As Kathy kept the spoonfuls coming Tara tried her best to eat the food . She was not enjoying it but soon hoped she would get used to it . Kathy scraped the last of the bowl and put it up to Tara 's mouth . " Oh sweetheart , that diaper must be soaked , you 're going to get a rash . It 's time to get you cleaned up and into a fresh diaper . " Said Kathy . Kathy took Tara to the nursery and put her on the changing table . Kathy put a pacifier in Tara 's mouth and started to change her . The diaper was just soaked , all the way up the back and the front , and was sagging . She undid the tapes and pulled the diaper down and inspected Tara 's area to make sure she was not getting a rash . Seeing that everything was alright she pulled the diaper out from under her and threw it into the diaper pail . Kathy then reached for the wipes and started to clean her off . The feel of the air against her skin felt good . Finally her skin could breathe again . The coolness of the wipes also felt good on her skin and vagina . Kathy made sure she did a good job to get all the cracks clean . Tara was getting a little aroused by this and smiled . As much as Tara enjoyed the wet diaper , she really like getting cleaned up and put into a clean one . Kathy finished wiping her and grabbed the powder and put an ample amount this time . The smell of the powder hit Tara 's nose . She was really enjoying how this was going , in fact she didn 't think she would enjoy it this much . She was hoping this weekend would never end . Kathy pulled the diaper up between Tara 's legs and tightly fastened the tapes . The new diaper felt really snug around Tara 's hips , must better than the old one that had started to sag . The girls started playing with some dolls and were having a great time . It was now about 6 : 30pm . Kathy was finishing cleaning up the kitchen and was watching the girls play . She was noticing that Tara was now really acting a lot more like Kayla . She wasn 't acting like the Tara that used to babysit her kids the last few years . They all cuddled up on the couch under a blanket in their t - shirts and diapers and Kathy put the movie in to play . Kathy sat down on the couch between Tara and Aimee and put Kayla in her lap . She smiled as she had all her little girls surrounding her . Tara also loved the feeling of closeness and felt a sense of place that she hadn 't felt in a long time . She felt really happy and really thought that she was Kathy 's daughter and was still a toddler in diapers . Tara snuggled up really close to Kathy and sucked on her pacifier as the movie started . Halfway through the movie Tara had already wet her diaper and was enjoying the feeling again . The warmth and the wetness surrounded her regions . As the movie played on , Tara now had the urge to poop . Her new diet of baby food was going right through her . She got a little nervous and forgot about the movie momentarily . She didn 't know if she should just let it go or tell Kathy she had to go . Tara was going to say something but then realized she was a baby and babies usually don 't say anything . So she decided she was just going to let it go . She started to blush and could feel her cheeks get red . She had never pooped herself before and didn 't know what to expect . She relaxed her muscles and let the poop come out . As it started to go into the diaper , Tara , without noticing , tightened her grip on Kathy 's arm . Kathy felt this and looked at Tara . She didn 't say anything , she just watched her . Within a couple of seconds Tara had filled her diaper and Kathy realized what was going on . The poop was soft and Tara had no trouble filling her diaper . It spread around her butt area and down to her crotch . She had pooped out a lot more than she had expected , she was hoping it wasn 't going to leak . The feeling was alien to Tara , but like her wet diaper , she kind of liked the feeling of a loaded diaper as well . Pretty soon the smell got around to everyone 's nose . Kathy and Tara made eye contact and Kathy saw the puzzled look in Tara 's eyes . She knew Tara didn 't know what to do next . Kathy pulled the back of Kayla 's diaper to check and , sure enough , she too had a poopy diaper . She hadn 't pooped as much as Tara , I guess that 's why she couldn 't smell it , but it was messy . They all got comfortable on the couch again and finished watching the movie . Tara delighted in her messy diaper as the movie finished , but she also was looking forward to another diaper change and bedtime . This would be her first night in a real crib . " C ' mon Aimee . Let 's get you into your diaper and then you can go and put your pajamas on and brush your teeth . " Said Kathy Aimee climbed up on the changing table and let her mother go to work . Tara watched every move Kathy made . She loved watching the girls get their diapers changed , the way Kathy was so gentle and cooed at them and made them feel loved . She pulled the tapes off the diaper and pulled it out from under Aimee . She grabbed the wipes and cleaned her off . She then laid another clean diaper under and gave her an ample coating of baby powder and then brought the diaper up between her legs and snuggly taped it shut . When she was done she picked her up off the table and let her stand . She gave her a quick pat on the butt and sent her to get ready for bed . Tara was glad she was last . She was hoping Kathy would take a little extra time with her and it also gave her more time in her poopy diaper , which she was enjoying , but it was starting to get itchy . She watched again as Kathy changed Kayla . It was finally Tara 's turn . She was a little embarrassed as she has never had someone clean her butt after she pooped . She climbed up on the table and lay back as Kathy undid the tapes on her diaper . Kathy pulled the front of the diaper open and gave a surprised look . Tara giggled as the fresh air made contact with her diaper area . It felt good to get the heavy diaper off and have some fresh air . Kathy pulled the diaper out from under Tara and grabbed about three wipes and started to clean her off . The poop had spread all through the diaper , there wasn 't a clean spot on her . The cold wipes soothed her and felt refreshing to her . Kathy started cleaning her up and wiping up all the poop . Tara loved the feeling of the wipes especially when she went deep up the crack of her butt . Again she was a little embarrassed , this was a new experience and not a usual one for a 17 year old , but she wanted to enjoy it so she tried not to let it bother her . The smell of her dirty diaper had filled the room and knew she would smell that all night , as this was her room tonight . Tara was starting to feel at ease with her new role and stuck her thumb in her mouth . Kathy placed the paci in Tara 's mouth and she started to suck on it happily . Kathy went about finishing the diaper change . She grabbed a fresh diaper out of Tara 's supply and placed it under her . She applied an ample coating of powder and then pulled the diaper up between her legs . Tara liked this part . She like watching Kathy bring the diaper up between her legs and securing it . It gave her a great sense of security knowing she was diapered . " Sorry sweetie , not tonight . I 've got my hands full with the other girls . I promise I 'll make it up to you though . " Replied Kathy . She headed for the kitchen , making sure to check on Tara and Kayla as she passed the room , to get their bedtime bottles ready . She saw the girls were fine and went to the kitchen . She took out three bottles of formula and placed them in the microwave . As they were heating up she grabbed two bibs off the back of the highchair for Tara and Kayla . " BEEP BEEP BEEP ! " the microwave sounded as the bottles were finished . She went over and tested the temperature . They felt fine and she put the tops back on and headed for the nursery . She opened the door to the nursery and saw the girls playing quietly with some toys . She sat down on the floor with them and tied the bibs on them . Tara was enjoying the fact that she was getting a bedtime bottle , it made her feel babyish , which of course she liked . Kathy had the girls place their heads each on a lap . Kathy fed them there bottles simultaneously . Tara laid back and sucked her bottle . The formula was nice and warm and felt good in her tummy . She looked up at Kathy and liked as she saw her smiling back down at her . Tara started playing with her diaper making it crinkle , she like the sound and how thick it felt . The first bottle went down fairly quick . She finished much quicker than Kayla . She also wanted to make sure that she woke up soaked . Kathy was also having fun with this situation and wanted Tara to really experience babyhood . When she was changing her diaper she noticed early signs of diaper rash , but didn 't bother to put any cream on it . She thought it would be interesting to see how she reacted to suffering from a diaper rash . Kathy popped the second bottle into Tara 's mouth and let her suck that one down too . Tara really like the sound of that and got a little aroused by it . Kathy walked over to the crib and dropped the railing so Tara could get in . Tara was starting to get the shakes . She couldn 't believe that her dream of sleeping in a crib like a baby was coming true . As she stood up she felt the warm formula settle in her stomach . She knew her nice clean diaper wasn 't going to be clean for very long . She walked over to the crib and lay down . The crib was a little short and she had to bend her legs a bit , but not much , she was able to get comfy . Kathy put her pacifier in her mouth and then covered her in a thin blanket to keep her warm . Kathy also left Aimee 's old baby blanket for Tara to hold on to . She turned the mobile above the crib on , kissed Tara on the head and then put the side of the crib up . On her way out she made sure the night light and baby monitor were on . She wanted to hear any noises Tara made during the night . She then picked up Kayla , closed the door and headed to her own room . Tara lay in her crib , eyes open , amazed . With the night light she could see the whole room . She saw the bars of the crib , the mobile spinning above her , the changing table , and the rocking chair . As she lay there sucking on her pacifier and feeling the thick diaper between her legs she realized now , despite her age and size , that she was without a doubt in her mind , a baby girl . She didn 't want to fall asleep , she felt if she did she wouldn 't be able to enjoy being in this situation , and this was her only night that she would be able to do this . So she just laid there , snuggling the baby blanket , enjoying the moment . She looked around the room , listened to the mobile and tried to stay awake , but as hard as she tried she couldn 't . The formula was taking effect and she was drifting off to sleep . She also felt her bladder asking for release . Without hesitation she let it go , she peed for about 15 seconds and when she was almost done , she felt herself poop . It was really soft and not very much . She tried to stay awake to enjoy the feeling for a while , but she couldn 't fight the drowsiness , and felt her heavy eyes shut . She was very comfortable and happy in her diaper as she drifted off . Tara woke at some point in the night with a strong urge to pee . She wasn 't sure what time , as there was no clock in her nursery , but it was still dark out . She found herself laying on her back . She let the pee go into her diaper . She peed a long time this time . She wasn 't sure if it her diaper was going to leak , but then she realized that is not for her to worry about , ' Mommy ' will take care of that stuff . Her butt was also very itchy . Laying on her back most of the time she had been laying in her poop and it was pressed hard against her bum . It was very itchy , not to mention she did have to poop again . She let everything go and filled her diaper to what she thought would be capacity . Tara tried to get comfortable again to go back to sleep , but she couldn 't , the diaper was too itchy and uncomfortable . Everytime she moved her legs her diaper area hurt and itched . She didn 't know what to do . Kathy took Tara out of the crib and put her on the changing table . Tara was still sucking on her pacifier and sobbing at the same time . With a tissue Kathy cleaned up Tara 's tears and started to change her diaper . When she pulled open the diaper and cleaned her up she noticed the rash was a little worse . This time she would put some cream on it . She didn 't want the rash to get too bad , as Tara would probably be doing a lot of moving around in her diaper tomorrow . She put a nice new diaper on Tara and taped it snuggly . She rocked Tara back to sleep in the rocking chair and then put her back in her crib for the rest of the night . She watched Tara sleep for a bit . She looked so peaceful in her crib and diaper , quietly sucking on her pacifier . Tara was really taking to being a baby , she didn 't know how Tara would ever go back to being herself again . Kathy gave Tara a kiss on the forehead and left the room . The bright sun filled the nursery . Tara was still asleep as Kathy stood there watching her . Kathy noticed her diaper was wet again , she must have wet again after her last change . Kathy watched and a few seconds later Tara shifted and her big diaper crinkled with every move . Kathy gave her a few pats on the butt and then decided it was time to wake her up and start her day . She grabbed her shoulder and gave her a few gentle rocks . As Tara started to come to she first noticed the bars in front of her and then felt the big bulge between her legs and after a few seconds everything came back to her . She remembered the previous day and all she had done , even her middle - of - the - night diaper change . As Tara opened her eyes she saw Kathy looking down at her . Tara couldn 't help but smile , she then got up on her knees and gave Kathy a big hug . As Tara knelt in front of Kathy the urge to pee hit her very quickly and hard . Without holding back she let her bladder go . The pee streamed hard into her diaper , which worked very hard to catch everything . Kathy couldn 't help but notice what was happening and cupped her hand around Tara 's crotch as the pee filled the diaper and spread around . " My , my we are quite the bedwetter aren 't we ? " smirked Kathy , " let 's get you all cleaned up and ready for the day . Aimee and Kayla are already in the kitchen having breakfast . " Kathy picked up Tara and put her on the changing table . She undid the tapes on the diaper and pulled it out from under her . She grabbed a few wipes and cleaned her diaper area . She noticed the diaper rash and put some more ointment on it . After putting a fresh diaper under her , Kathy put a generous amount of powder and rubbed it in . She then pulled the diaper up between Tara 's legs and snuggly taped it shut . She went over to Tara 's bag and picked up the second shirt Tara had brought . Tara had spent yesterday and last night in the other shirt , so it was time for a change . Once dressed , Kathy clipped Tara 's pacifier to her shirt and took her to the kitchen . Aimee was sitting at the table eating cereal and drinking juice . Kayla was sitting in the highchair eating toast with peanut butter and jam . She had managed to get most of it on her face . She also had a sippy cup of juice in front of her . Tara sat in one of the chairs at the table as Kathy got Kayla cleaned up . Kathy had finished with Kayla , getting her cleaned up and out of the highchair . She let her go into the other room to watch TV while her big sister Aimee finished her breakfast and they could go outside . Her diaper was sagging and was very wet and messy . Kathy didn 't want to wake Tara in the nursery so she decided it would be best to wait and change Kayla after Tara got up . Kathy put Tara in the highchair and put her bib on her . Tara like the bib she had on today . It was a white vinyl bib with pink trim and a little blue bunny on it . She thought it looked really cute . Kathy then put a bottle of apple juice on the tray and then brought over a bowl of hot oatmeal . She pulled a chair over in front of Tara and started to spoon feed Tara . Tara was really enjoying the attention and the fact that she didn 't have to do anything . The oatmeal wasn 't very tasty , it was just plain oatmeal . Kathy was feeding it one spoonful at a time , but at the same time was purposely missing the mouth a little making Tara 's face a little messy . She kept giggling every time the spoon missed , this was making Kathy laugh too . By the time they were done Tara had quite a bit on her face . By this time Aimee had finished her breakfast and was eager to go outside and play . It was a really nice day . The sun was shining and it was about 83F with a nice breeze . Tara was a little weary about going outside in just the diaper and playing like a 2 year - old , all the neighbors knew her and they might see her over the fence playing . Kathy got her all cleaned up and let her out of the highchair . Kathy handed her the bottle . Before she could say anymore Aimee grabbed her hand and led her into the backyard to the sandbox . Kathy smiled as she watched the two girls head outside , they were having so much fun . Just then Kayla noticed them going to the sandbox . Kathy picked her up and headed to the nursery . She quickly took off the old diaper and within a few minutes was taping on a new one . As soon as Kathy let Kayla down from the change table she ran straight for the sandbox and the other girls . Kathy felt safe having the girls play outside without her supervision . Even though Tara was supposed to be a baby this weekend , she knew she could trust her to look out for the girls when necessary . Kathy took advantage of this time to clean up after her three little babies . Breakfast time can be quite a mess with three toddlers running around . She first started with the kitchen , cleaning the highchair and then the table where Aimee was sitting . She rinsed off the two bibs and draped them over the back of the highchair for later use at lunchtime . When the table and highchair were clean and all the dishes were put away Kathy headed to the nursery . She went back to the kitchen and grabbed a garbage bag and headed back to the nursery to dump the pail . It also had Kayla and Aimee 's diapers as well so it was pretty full . She then took the bag to the garage to be later taken to the curb on garbage day . She then sprayed the room with a Lysol deodorizer and opened the window to let some fresh air in . Then it was off to the playroom . Toys were everywhere . Kathy couldn 't believe her kids had so many toys . She picked up all of them and put them in the corner where they would be for all of 5 minutes when the girls came back inside . After finally getting things straightened up about an hour had passed and she was exhausted . She decided she would go check on the kids in the backyard and see how they were doing . She went to the sliding door in the kitchen which led to the backyard and peered out . It seemed the girls were doing fine . They were still in the sandbox playing , laughing and giggling together . Kathy noticed Tara had finished her bottle and went to the fridge to get her another . At the dame time she grabbed a bottle for Kayla and a sippy cup for Aimee . Kathy and Tara headed up to Kathy 's room . Once there Kathy told Tara to sit on the bed while she went through her dresser to find something that might fit her . After about 10 minutes of searching Kathy found a baby blue cotton camisole that she usually wore to bed and thought it would do . Tara stood up and Kathy removed her dirty top . She pulled the new top down over her head and pulled it down as far as it would go . It went just a little longer than her other shirt , it actually covered a bit of the top of the diaper , but it fit fine . The shirt was sleeveless as it had spaghetti straps , Tara thought it fit and felt more comfortable than her own shirt . " And don 't go any further than the kitchen . I think we have enough proof that you will need to be bibbed for the rest of the day " joked Kathy . As she held up her dirty shirt . Tara went down and waited in the kitchen . Soon Kathy came down and pulled out a bib from a drawer by the sink . This bib was a terry cloth bib with a vinyl back . Kathy went behind Tara and tied it on . As Tara turned and left , Kathy grabbed her diapered butt and gave it a shake hearing it crinkle loudly . Tara turned and smiled and then headed outside . The girls were now on the swing set waiting for Tara . Kathy quickly went about getting lunch ready . It was now about 12 : 30pm and the girls would be getting hungry soon . She decided that Aimee and Kayla would have sandwiches and Tara would have baby food . It might be the last time she has that chance so Kathy thought she might as well make the most of it . The girls got off the swings and came running inside . She noticed that Tara and Kayla both had wet their diapers and quite heavily too . Tara 's had started to sag a little . Kathy let Kayla sit in a chair at the table . She gave her a booster seat and kept a watchful eye on her as to not let her fall off . Kathy then motioned for Tara to get into the highchair . Kathy took off Tara 's terry bib and replaced it with the bigger vinyl one that was on the back of the chair . The girls started eating their sandwiches and Kathy fed Tara in the highchair . Tara liked that she was getting the baby food again . She really wanted the full baby experience and she was getting it . She really didn 't like the taste , but she swallowed it down anyway . After lunch Kathy took Tara and Kayla to the nursery for fresh diapers . Kayla was changed first and then let go to play with Aimee . Tara then got up on the change table . " Nooooo " cried Tara , " I can get one more . I will probably go home around 7pm and it 's only 1 : 30 now . If I drink lots of juice I 'll wet again soon . And I might poop after eating lunch too " said Tara . Kathy finished changing her diaper and tended to her rash . It was getting worse . With all the running around the diaper was rubbing her crotch a lot and really chaffing her skin . Kathy put an ample amount of rash cream on her and thoroughly rubbed it in . This gave Tara pleasure in both ways . One by getting the soothing cream rubbed into the rash and , two , having her mound rubbed nicely while getting diapered . She then poured a good amount of baby powder on her and pulled the diaper up between her legs and taped it on snuggly . While they were eating lunch and getting fresh diapers some dark clouds had moved in and looked like it was going to rain . Kathy decided it was not a good idea to go back outside , but rather stay inside and maybe watch another movie . The girls quickly jumped at the opportunity to sit and watch another movie . This time they settled on " Mary Poppins " . This was one of their favorites , and Tara 's too , from when she was a kid . Once again they all snuggled on the couch and got comfortable . Just then a huge crack of thunder ripped through the air . Kayla jumped and screamed and ran into Kathy 's arms . Tara was also hoping that she had to pee soon and poop , she really wanted one more diaper change before going home . Just about half an hour into the movie , she got her wish . Tara flooded her diaper with pee . It was quite a bit too . She looked at Kathy and gave a big smile . Kathy noticed this and gave a smile back , she knew that Tara had used her diaper and was going to get another change after the movie . Tara was glad she peed early into the movie . She was hoping that she would be able to wear it for a while before getting changed out of it . They sat quietly and watched the movie to the end . They got so into it that they didn 't notice that the storm had continued the whole time ripping loud bangs of thunder and huge streaks of lightning . As the movie ended the storm was actually clearing up . It was just one of those quick afternoon storms that happen on humid days . The sun was starting to poke through the clouds and the ground was drying up . They got up off the couch and Kathy looked at the clock , it was almost 4pm . Kathy looked at Tara 's diaper , it was soaked . Kathy took Tara to the nursery one more time . Tara got up on the table and anticipated her last diaper change of her best weekend ever . Kathy came in and looked at Tara on the table and smiled . " I sure am , Mommy . I have had the best time . At first I didn 't think I would enjoy it , but I really started to love it . Is that weird ? " asked Tara . " Well you can 't be a baby forever . This was just a one time thing to let you have some fun . You 'll fo back to babysitting them again next week as usual " Kathy said . Kathy laid Tara back and started to undo the tapes . At this point Tara 's mother , Patricia , decided to wonder over to Kathy 's house to check on every one after the bad storm . She knew Kayla was afraid of big storms and was hoping Tara , who was supposed to be babysitting this weekend , could handle everything . She walked up to the house and saw the front door was open and just the screen door was closed . Kathy and Pat were good friends so she didn 't bother to knock , and went inside . She saw Kayla and Aimee in the room playing . Tara and Kathy were not around . She wondered where Tara could be , she was supposed to be watching them . Pat decided to go and find them to see how everything went this weekend and to find out when Tara would be home . She decided not to call out , she knew where the nursery was , she had been here many times . As she got to the top of the stairs she heard them talking and went right in . She could not believe what she was seeing . Just as she walked in she saw Kathy was just finishing taping the new diaper snuggly around Tara 's waist Kathy jumped with a start . She did not hear Pat come upstairs or even expect her in the house for that matter . As Kathy turned to look at who was screaming , Pat saw her daughter lying on the change table with her knees in the air and wearing a disposable diaper . Tara just laid there with her mouth open and tears welling up in her eyes . This was her biggest nightmare . She never wanted her mother to find out about what happened this weekend . There was no way she could hide what was going on , she was there in plain sight for her mother to see . " So this is what you were doing all weekend ? Wearing diapers and pissing and shitting yourself ? " Pat making note of the diaper that Kathy had just put into the diaper pail , she was absolutely furious . Not only did her daughter and good friend lie to her , but her daughter was wearing diapers and acting like a baby . Pat was being very mean to Tara and Kathy didn 't like it , but there wasn 't much she could do . Tara was Pat 's daughter and it was out of her hands . Kathy would try to have a talk with her later when she calmed down and was a little more easy to talk to . In the meantime she watched Pat pull Tara downstairs and out the front door . Tara was crying real hard now and pleading with her mother . Pat walked her across the street in broad daylight in front of all the neighbors . Tara was just wearing Kathy 's top and her diaper . She was trying hard to keep up to her mother but Pat was walking at a good pace , and with the diaper and no shoes Tara was falling behind . With running to keep up , her diaper was crinkling really loudly , which of course Pat noticed , but it was also making her rash worse and now Tara was starting to hurt down there too . Tara lay on her bed bawling her eyes out . She had no idea what her mother was going to do . Her whole weekend had come to a crashing halt in a matter of seconds , all her good times were now over , Tara 's fate was now in her mother 's hands . Tara did not know what to think . What was her mother going to do ? Was she going to be punished ? A thousand questions were running through her head . She felt the urge to pee , so she did , there was nothing else she could do right now . With all the excitement and emotion of what had just occurred Tara felt very sleepy and drifted off to sleep . She kept about getting dinner ready leaving Tara in her room to stir about her weekend and what might still be to come . She put the lasagna in the oven and set the timer for an hour . She then went in the den and turned on the TV . Pat was an average build for her height of 5 ' 4 " . She had brwon shoulder length wavy hair and pretty blue eyes , but she had a streak in her that would frighten most men and Tara knew not to disobey . Pat also has a bit of a mouth on her . Growing up with three older brothers and a father who loved his " Jack Daniels " hardened her . Her husband , Gary was no better . He was a career trucker who had spent a few years in the joint before hooking up with Pat . Somehow she always ended up with those kind of men . Pat and Gary were forced to get married when Patricia got pregnant with Tara . It was not a situation Pat wanted , but her family forced her to , for money reasons , he was her only financial support . Pat has always carried a little resentment towards Tara for that , even though it wasn 't Tara 's fault . When Tara was very young Gary died of a heart attack while driving a load down to Georgia . The insurance policy through the company was quite substantial , but nothing that she could live on forever . She decided that with that money she was going to live her dream and go back to school to become a teacher . Tara 's diaper was wet and now getting cold and itchy , she also had to pee again . She let her bladder go slowly into her diaper , her first wetting was quite big and she was worried that another big wetting would cause it to leak . The warm stream filled her diaper and it felt good . Her cold clammy diaper was now warm again and she loved the feeling . It was saturated to the max and another wetting for sure would end up running down her leg . She put her hand on her diaper and felt how full and squishy it was . It was a great feeling , warm , soft and heavy . She felt babyish again . Tara just laid there on her bed with her diaper in full view , there was no reason to hide it now . Patricia opened the door and looked in . She saw Tara lying on her bed in just the diaper and was disgusted . She decided at that moment what she was going to do . Tara was really sobbing hard now and could barely talk coherently . She was embarrassed , frightened and anxious . Even though she loved wearing diapers , she wished this had never happened and that things would just be normal . But things were far from normal and Tara was afraid of the outcome . |
Some of you have expressed your enjoyment of some of my other works , and I appreciate your kind words . I have enjoyed responding to your messages , and will always do so . NOTE TO NEW READERS : If you are discovering Logan and me for the first time , you might enjoy some of my other works . You will find me in the Authors List . < http : / / www . nifty . org / nifty / authors . html # waynetelfer > Logan 's Living - Chapter 6 When Ben woke the following morning , because of his position , the first thing he saw was the massive bulge of Reed 's morning erection beneath the sheet . He automatically looked over at Logan 's crotch and saw a very similar tent . Then he looked at his own . All right , it wasn 't nearly so big , but it was still somewhat of a thrill to be lying between these two incredible older boys , all of them with erections . Ben simply looked over and smiled . " I know . I was just admiring is all . " He chuckled softly . " I feel like the center of an Oreo cookie . . . sort of . " " Well , I don 't know about you , " whispered Logan , " But I gotta race like a piss horse . " Logan got a shocked look on his face . " You mean I 'm just a normal guy ? Come on , Benny , that can 't be right . " It took Ben a moment , but he suddenly understood what Logan was trying to say . He laughed . " Ok , Logan , I get it . I guess I have been sort of doing the whole hero worship thing . Sorry . " Logan smiled and hugged him . He was definitely relieved . All those worshipful looks had begun to concern him . Ben didn 't need to become dependent or fixated . He needed to stay a normal kid ; just one with more understanding of who he was . " Nothing to be sorry for . I just wanted you to see where you were headed . " He kissed Ben 's forehead . " It 's understandable , Benny . I helped get you out of that horrible situation . Now Reed and I , through our parents , are helping ensure you have a better home life . And as if that weren 't enough , Reed and I have given you the key to your manhood . After all these years , you 're becoming whole , and we 've had a big part in getting you there . So your reaction is normal . I just didn 't want it to go too far . You need to get back to being ' Benny ' . None of this is going away , mister , so just relax into it . " It took only a couple of minutes before they were all huddled around the box that was supposed to be Ben 's computer . It didn 't take long for Logan to throw up his arms in disbelief and frustration . " All right , Benny , I give up . Not only is this thing restricted so tight it 's useless , it 's also totally inadequate for anything you might need or want to do in the modern world . " " Yes , you did . But I could never have imagined this level of paranoia . Well , this certainly simplifies things . It 'll cost more to upgrade this piece of shit than it will to just go and buy you a whole new system . " " I told you last night that it 's my choice what I do with my money , little brother . You need a computer . Everyone needs a computer these days , especially students . How you 've managed your GPA without one is amazing . You must have had to work your ass off at the library . By buying you a descent computer , I 'm ensuring that one of my best friends has the best tools possible to maintain that GPA . It 's also going to ensure that you now start to have more time to have fun , because you 're not spending all your time doing homework . " Reed laughed and clapped Ben on the back . " Benny , Benny . What God came down and dictated that you couldn 't be both ? I know that I feel just like Logan about all this . " Ben thought about it for a moment and decided that he agreed . They WERE brothers as well as best friends . " Ok , " he laughed , " you 're right . Actually , it 's way cool . I don 't know any of my friends whose older brothers feel like that about them . " " Good , " said Reed . " So , why don 't you tear that thing apart and we 'll put it in the trunk of my car . Dad has a friend whose business it is to dispose of these obsolete things safely . " " Oh hell , Benny , especially that antiquated CRT . Make the printer disappear too . But keep all the cables and plugs ; you can never have enough of those as spares . " He got up from the chair and headed for his room . " You guys work on that and I 'll leave Mom a note so she doesn 't freak out when she notices the computer is missing . Then we can get out of here . " Logan made a sharp left and went into the dining room . There sat his mom , morning coffee in hand . " Did we wake you ? " he asked as he hugged and kissed her . " No , sweetheart . I set my alarm for an early start . I 've got quite a few things to accomplish this morning . " " Well , you said Ralph had given you a hiring bonus , and since he never does anything by half , I imagine you can afford it . " She pulled him down and kissed him . " It 's a nice thing you 're doing . " Reed and Ben returned and hugged and kissed Mom before running off for the last of the components . It didn 't take long for them to get fully dressed and be on their way to the residence . On the way there , Reed convinced them that a morning swim would be the way to begin . Ben objected that they hadn 't brought swim suits . " Benny , skinny dipping in the house pool is the rule , not the exception . It 's the one place Dad allows us to be clothing optional . Dad 's already seen you in the raw and Phillip 's gay , so he certainly won 't mind . " Actually , Ben found the idea of skinny dipping exciting . But still , he was hesitant . When Reed looked into the rear view mirror and saw Ben 's blush he knew why . " Hey , don 't worry about the occasional woody . I promise you we 'll all get one at some point . I know I can 't be around a bunch of naked guys and not get one . We 'll tease each other about them and just enjoy ourselves . " " Come in , Logan , shut the door , and have a seat . " Once the boy was in place , he continued . " My son was very upset with me last night and rightfully so . You should never have gotten out of this office last week without fully understanding what you 'd gotten yourself into . You have my profound apology , Logan . " " Well , I 'm really sorry . So , Reed told me what he said to you . He pretty much covered it , Logan . Do you have any questions ? " " Fun , " answered Logan with a smile . " Nothing but fun . We 're going to play here for a bit . Then we 're going to hit my favorite computer outlet and buy Benjamin a new computer . His was a disaster . By the way , his old one is in the trunk of Reed 's Vette . He said you knew someone that could trash it properly . " " That I do . All right , get out of here and have your fun . I think Phillip will catch up with you this morning . He 's got some things lined up for you this week . " " It 's all right , Oscar . As for Benjamin , two older guys have managed to convince him that he 's a nearly fully functional member of the male species . He was a bit overwhelmed . " Logan laughed . " Oh , did I forget to tell you that Benny 's a member of the swim team ? He 's won quite a few meets since junior high . " " Shit , no wonder . Well , you better not get in here without a jock strap and cup . The little shit is always coming up under us and grabbing our jewels and then racing off . " But he didn 't mean it . He shucked his clothes and dove in . He specifically aimed himself so that he 'd be able to come up under Ben as he was swimming away from a persistent Phillip . The boy hadn 't been paying attention to his arrival , so Logan was able to surprise him after all . Ben 's sudden stop as Logan grabbed the boy 's crotch allowed Phillip to catch up and Reed to swim over . The poor kid never stood a chance at that point . It was all in fun , and the guys eased up when Ben claimed he 'd pee the pool if they kept tickling him . He even proved it by jumping out and racing for the shower room to relieve himself . They rough housed a bit after that , but mostly they used the diving board and swam leisurely laps . Ben and Logan finally left at noon and headed for Taylor 's Byte Factory . Taylor built each computer personally . He tested each one for a week before putting it on the floor for sale . When you bought a computer from Taylor , you could rest assured that all the major problems had already been discovered and corrected . " I don 't , but Benjamin here does . We just threw his computer into the trash . He 's living with us for the time being and his computer was so antiquated and parental locked that it 's going to be easier to just buy him a new one . " " Good for you . " Then he turned to Ben and held out his hand . " Nice to meet you , Benjamin . So , just what sort of computer are you in the market for ? " Logan turned to Ben and gave him such a look that Ben actually took a step back . " All right , Benjamin , here 's the deal . I 've told you several times that I 'm GOING to buy you a computer . I 've told you it 's my money to spend any way I choose . So , you have a choice ; you can help Taylor here pick out a computer that will actually serve your school needs AND your computer interests outside of school or you can continue to be all noble and I 'll buy you a top of the line computer that will do everything I can think of . The first one will probably run about twenty - five hundred dollars , the other will cost me five thousand or more . Either way , you 're getting an above average computer . " " It 's simple , Benny . You are my brother now , and I love you . Is that so hard to understand and accept ? " He came over and took Ben by the shoulders . " My boss told me something the day I started work for him . He said , ' The trick to this life is to understand that you have to allow the people that appreciate your talents to reward you . It 's their choice . You haven 't asked it of them , but they feel compelled to show their appreciation . Your only requirement is to accept their largesse with grace and humility . ' " He put his finger under Ben 's chin and forced him to make eye contact . " I appreciate you , Benny . You 're a terrific friend and a killer brother . I have the means to help you become more than you are right now . I want to see you have all the best opportunities to explore your passions , the way I am . Now maybe your passions aren 't in the area of computing . If that 's true , then fine , we 'll go to Wal - Mart . But if you have something you love to do that will be aided by a killer computer , then let me do this for you . That 's what real brothers and real family do for each other . " Logan pulled Ben into a hug . " That wasn 't so hard , now was it ? " He released him and pushed him toward where Taylor was standing at the end of the counter . It took fifteen minutes of question and answer between Ben and Taylor , but finally the computer guru led them over to a complete computer set up . " This will do the trick , Benjamin . " He then proceeded to demonstrate the quality of the graphics that could be created and the animation possibilities . " Now , you said you don 't really know all that much , so I 'll give you the name of a friend that knows almost all there is to know about this stuff . He does private tutoring of interested individuals . " It was settled . Logan handed over his debit card and they called the tutor from Taylor 's shop . It was arranged that Taylor would come by the house the following day and set everything up and explain all the hookups to Ben . The tutor would come over in the afternoon and sit with Ben and determine what he knew and what he wanted to learn . " It 's all right , Logan . I 'm just not used to this . I 've gotten used to not having the nice things . My parents always made such an issue of the unnecessary expense of everything I asked for . " " Well , I don 't consider this unnecessary , Benny . It 's not too early to begin thinking about what you 'd like to do for a living . The sooner you start developing the skills , the better prepared you 'll be when you graduate . " He chuckled . " Actually , I 've been having some of these same problems , little brother . Ralph had to get pretty stern with me a time or two until I relented and realized he was right . " " Ok , I give up . Thank you , Logan . Thank you so much . I never dreamed I 'd ever be able to give this CG work a chance . My parents thought it was frivolous and pointless . " Fortunately , Mom had completed her work for the day by the time they got home , because Ben was so excited about what Logan had done that he just had to tell her all about it . She was more than willing to sit with him beside her and listen as he gushed about what he wanted to do with this chance . When Reed arrived , Ben had to go over it all again . It made Margaret smile to see the boy so excited about something . He 'd been so sat upon for so long ; it was amazing that he could recognize an opportunity when it came his way . " For what , my dear ? It 's nice to see you excited by all this . I have only one question . Is the desk in the spare room big enough for this monster computer you 've been describing ? " With that all arranged , the boys headed off and began putting together their dinner . Dinner preparation was filled with considerable laughter along with the instruction . As soon as the eating was over , Reed said his good nights and left for home to get his nap before he had to head off for work . Logan and Ben simply sat on the sofa with Mom and leisurely discussed the day and some of Ben 's dreams for this new future he envisioned . Margaret was very pleased with Ben 's progress . He seemed to be finally relaxing . He was becoming much more accepting of this new life . He was certainly a different boy than the one that had walked into her life two days earlier . Logan and Reed were making a big difference in his life , that was for certain . She then began to wonder what sort of people Oscar was going to be able to find for this marvelous child . Despite his easier manner , she knew that he was still going to require some special handling for a while . There were many scars , she was sure , that had yet to be attended to . Margaret caressed his hair gently . " Perhaps not , but while you ARE here , I 'm going to make sure you have all the things you need to pursue your interests . Now , don 't worry about it . " Logan had enough time in the morning to go with them and at least help with loading the desk into the truck . He 'd expected Phillip to be sluggish , but he was all bright eyes and enthusiasm . It was Reed that was a bit worn . Not surprising really considering he 'd just gotten off a full shift at the grocery store . Mom tried to send him home once , but he argued that he and Phillip had come in one vehicle . He compromised with her by promising to go lay down on Logan 's bed after the desk was inside the house . He 'd nap while the three of them rearranged the room to accommodate it . " He 's great , Ralph . It took a bit of effort , but Reed and I managed to get him over the worst of his trauma . He 's home with Mom , rearranging his room to accommodate the new computer that I bought for him yesterday . " " Well , good on you . Now , we have a business to run . " They entered the salon . " Today I 'd like you to spend your morning designing something new for the collection . Let 's say something small and inexpensive , but still with that little extra look we 're famous for . " That first assignment took only an hour because he had already made up something he 'd really liked for the last charity fashion show . He simply recreated it for Ralph , who was very pleased with it and immediately took it to his photo room and began taking pictures to have included in his next add . He sent Logan off to document all the materials he 'd used and some of the basics for its construction that could be given to the other arrangers as needed . Ralph had Gyros delivered from his favorite Greek restaurant for the entire crew . It was always exciting for Logan to try new dishes . He found the Gyros to be very tasty and pocketed one of the napkins that had the name and address printed on it . After lunch , Ralph had a new project for Logan . " I want to try something new this year , my boy . Parent 's Day is coming up next month . It 's not one of those holidays that gets a lot of attention . I 'd like to do something this year that will put a flower arrangement in the price range that a lot of kids could afford . If you can come up with two or three for under fifteen dollars , I 'll put out a half page ad in the newspaper and see if we can 't garner a new class of customer . " It WAS a challenge though . The flowers weren 't a big issue . There were plenty to choose from that didn 't bite significantly into the price range . It was the containers that would be the big issue . Even the cheap ones would take a significant chunk out of the limit Ralph had set . It wasn 't until Logan remembered that there was a party supply store a half block away that he was able to solve his problem . He took a quick walk down there and was able to find plastic Champaign flutes , Brandy snifters and large dessert glasses , all for under a buck a piece . Well , everyone agreed that his design and solution were brilliant and they were all excited about trying something new . Within an hour , Ralph had one of the newspaper 's ad specialists in to take pictures and design a layout . It was decided they 'd make this a color ad ; that would get the attention of kids . While this was going on , Ralph had Logan go down and purchase a hundred of each of the plastic containers . " What we don 't use for the arrangements I can use at my next block party , " he laughed . " The best thing about these designs is that they 're simple enough that we only have to make up one of each every other day for display . The rest we can make up while our new young customers are waiting . " At three , Logan had to scoot out for his afternoon performance . That day 's client was a middle aged , well dressed man , with a rousing sense of humor , and a lot of appreciation for Logan 's act . He garnered three hundred dollars for his efforts . " Logan ! ! " yelled Ben from his bedroom . Then there was this miniature tornado that spun into the room and nearly knocked Logan over when he wrapped the older boy in a fierce embrace . " Come see , come see ! It 's fabulous ! " He grabbed Logan 's hand and pulled him down the hall and into his bedroom where mother already sat next to the computer that was playing some sort of animated show . Logan kissed and hugged her with a smile . Then he looked at the computer monitor and was amazed at what was being displayed . It was a short animation showing two 3D boys playing a game of catch with ball and mitts . Logan 's mouth fell open and he could only stare from the screen , to Ben , and then to his mother . Mom was nodding and Ben was bouncing slightly in his chair with excitement . It was obvious that he was very pleased to have surprised Logan . " Well , the boys were already part of the program . . . a template . But I added the mitts and ball and created the animation . That took a bit , to get the ball to actually land in their mitts instead of hanging in the air . Patrick said it was a very good start . He said he 's thrilled to have such an apt pupil . " He then sobered and picked up a post it note from the desk . " He said I need one more program , though . I 'll need it to learn how to create the boys myself . Can . . . can you afford . . . to buy it for me ? " Ben recognized the humor Logan had put into the statement . " Uh huh . You got so mad at me at the computer store because I wouldn 't let you help me . So yeah , I 'm asking my big brother if he can help me a little more . " " Benny , I 'm proud of you . Of course I 'll help you again . " He pushed Ben back into his chair as he reached for his wallet . He pulled out his debit card and placed it on the desk and then grabbed the post - it pad and wrote down his PIN and stuck the note to the card . " You ask Mom to take you to Taylor 's tomorrow and you buy the program . " " We 're waiting for the pizza to arrive , " answered Mom . " Ben and I have been so busy with all of this that I didn 't have any time to cook . " She sighed theatrically . " It 's going to be a busy day for me tomorrow , I 'm afraid . I 've been having so much fun with Benny that I 've neglected my work once again . " That wasn 't strictly true , of course . She 'd spent a couple of hours with her emails and research while Ben 's tutor , Patrick , had run the boy through the basics . She 'd come into Ben 's room when he 'd yelled at his first success and she 'd remained , enthralled by the process and thrilled by Ben 's successes . Benny laughed without embarrassment . It 'd already been made quite clear to him that Mom 's sacrifice was voluntary and that he was not to worry about it . So he simply basked in the fact that she 'd spent all afternoon at his side , watching his efforts , encouraging him by the simple expedient of just being there . And yes , he 'd learned his lesson with Logan . He knew , somehow , that he may not get all his requests granted , but he was positive that he was expected to make his needs and wants known to these two wonderful people . " Well , since the two of you are having so much fun , I won 't be missed while I go take a shower . I 'm tired of smelling like floral foam and crushed flower petals . " He laughed as he left the room , because , of course , floral foam really had no smell , and who in their right mind would ever get tired of the smell of crushed flower petals . It was announced that the pizza had arrived while he was showering . He didn 't want to rush ; it 'd still be hot enough when he got done . But he also knew that Mom and Ben would wait for him before digging in . So he finished quickly enough and they all gathered around the dining room table and Logan related the accomplishments of his day at work . " That 's why Ralph is spending the extra money on a color ad . He 's hoping to catch the interest and attention of the kids . We 're even going to make it fun for the kids . " He explained about the table and selection opportunities . And that is how the next few days progressed for them . Logan would work all morning and most of the afternoon , do a performance and then head home . Ben would work away at his animation . Margaret would pursue her charity efforts . They 'd gather for a leisurely evening meal and then retire to Ben 's room to witness his latest accomplishments . It was , quite frankly , a marvelous few days for all of them . There was silence as Logan drove them home . He was fairly certain that this would have to do with the partnership , and he was sure Ralph felt the same , but by unspoken agreement , they decided not to discuss it . If they talked about it , they 'd become anesthetized to it and their reactions wouldn 't be as genuine . When they arrived home , the three of them signed the receipt and the courier left . Mom called Ben to the dining room , introduced Ralph to him , and the four of them sat as Margaret opened the un - addressed manila envelop . Inside was a lone piece of paper and a closed , legal sized envelope . She set aside the envelope and then read aloud : Our client is a philanthropist who believes that the young people of our country must be encouraged to develop to their fullest potential in order for this country to prosper . To that end , he is constantly searching for creative young people who have a passion for their art . His World Wide Web search engine is constantly surfing the news of this country for young persons who have come to the attention of the media as extraordinary talents in art , business and government . Please contact me at your earliest convenience at the number above . I will need to speak with all three of you at once . When you call , ask for me , specifically , and you will be redirected to my office immediately . I assure you , you will not be left waiting for longer than it takes for me to pick up my phone . I will close by simply saying that I have worked with our client for many years on these bequests . In the past year alone he has assisted forty - seven young people from all parts of this country . Not once in all these years has he been disappointed in the outcome of his generosity . Trevor Kamper , Esq . There was complete silence in the room for several moments as the importance of the information sank in . It was Ben , who was sitting beside Logan that broke the stunned reaction of everyone . " Damn ! Logan ! This is fabulous ! " He then hugged his brother . Ralph smiled . " Actually , Margaret , they 're not forcing anything , really . I 've already told Logan that I wanted him in a partnership . I HAD intended to wait until he 'd graduated to allow him some time to build up enough savings to afford a buy in . " Margaret frowned a bit . " Look , Margaret , your son and I are perfectly matched , professionally . After his success at the Franks wedding , I 'm convinced that I 'd be a fool to allow him to venture out on his own . It 'd be professional suicide for both of us . If we are in competition , we will have to cut our profit margins to underbid one another . If , however , we work together , we can corner the market . We 'll also be able to expand in ways that I 've not been able to do because it 's too much work for one man . " Ben interrupted at that point . " Mom , wouldn 't it be good to read the letter in the envelope ? Maybe something in it will help you all decide . " Margaret laughed and pushed the envelope toward Ben . " That 's a good idea , son . Would you read it for us ? I think we 're a bit too stunned by this . I know MY hands are shaking . " " Sure , Mom . " The envelope wasn 't sealed ; the flap was simply folded inside . He carefully opened the enclosed letter and spread it on the table before him . I will first apologize for the mystery . But I have learned that a certain anonymity ensures my privacy . To that end , I have instructed my law firm to never disclose my identity . It is up to me to determine who may or may not know it . My name is Arthur Puckett . Yes , ' that ' Arthur Puckett . I simply ask that this knowledge remain with the three of you . Please do not release that information to anyone . Margaret , you are a powerhouse . Your work with numerous charitable organizations over the years is truly extraordinary . I 've never encountered anyone who has done so much for so many varied organizations . If you have ever had a failure in your work , I was not able to find any evidence of it . That speaks of a person that leaves nothing to chance . You research , you plan , and then you execute . Now , many people would be so consumed by the work load you take on so regularly that their families suffer . But not your family . The first thing that is always said about you is that your family will always come first , no matter what . For you , family is first in everything . The evidence of that dedication sits beside you at this moment . Logan would not be half the young man he is without your love and full support . Logan , you are remarkable in your own right . You are barely sixteen and already you have developed an extraordinary talent . I 've seen pictures and videos of the venues you 've created for your mother 's events . And what you 've done since joining Maxwell Creations is simply beyond the English language to properly praise . If it were only for your professional accomplishments , however , you would not be worthy of consideration for what I 'm offering . I 'm seeking to help ' well rounded ' young people , Logan . The worthy candidate recognizes that they are part of a community and that they have an obligation to that community . You are such a one . What you did for Benjamin Grice is a prime example of that . Your actions , though not a part of the public record because of your age , are still known and praised by many . I have to tell you in all honesty , my boy , that I can categorically say that I 'd never have had the courage to undress in such a public venue ; and especially , not in the presence of my mother . But you did this without any hesitation because you believed it the only way to resolve an untenable situation involving a friend . As for you , Ralph Maxwell , as an openly gay man in today 's society you have become a force , not only in your industry , but in your community as well . I congratulate you on all the things you have accomplished with your life . You are a fine example for young Logan . Now , I know that I have not consulted you previously on this bequest , but I felt that you would receive the possibility positively . You 've expressed your desire on more than one occasion , where it could be noted by others , that you wanted to find that perfect professional partner ; someone with whom you could share not only your passion , but your success as well . Specifically , it was your comment to Winston Franks that Logan was the greatest discovery of your career that has prompted me to help Logan in this way . " Arthur Puckett ? " said Logan breathlessly . " THE Arthur Puckett ? " He looked up at Ralph and saw the same stunned reaction on his face . When he looked at his mother , however , she was smiling fit to break her face . " Mom ? " " Yes , my marvelous son , we can do this . Ralph has made it pretty clear that he welcomes this . I can 't see any logical reason to refuse , quite frankly . There 's no reason that it should affect any other part of your life . It simply means that instead of being just an employee , you 'll have a vested interest in the success of the salon . " " Logan has never been ' just an employee ' , Margaret . But I agree . This does not have to interfere with the things you HAVE to do right now . Graduation from high school is still your highest priority , my boy . " Logan had never seen Ralph do anything as ' gay ' as he did at that moment . He ' bubbled ' . " This is going to be fantastic ! " declared Ralph . " The Maxwell Justice Studios : Purveyors of Floral Excellence ! " Margaret simply let Ralph carry on . Instead , she got up and motioned Logan to come with her to the living room . When they entered it , she turned and pulled her son into a loving , maternal embrace . " I 'm very happy about this turn of events , sweetheart . Very happy indeed . You 've already made a grand entrance into the industry and the minds of people ; I see no reason for you not to take advantage of it . I don 't doubt for a moment that you will be worthy of Arthur Puckett 's interest . " Sure enough , when Logan peeked out the door , the courier was indeed still sitting there . He exited the house and as he did so , the courier stepped out of his vehicle . " Well , Trevor says that you have all the documents that will require our signature . Why don 't you gather them up and come inside . " " Congratulations , Logan . My client will be overjoyed at your acceptance . " It was funny , really , but during the entire process , not one of them had spoken the name Arthur Puckett . He was always ' the client ' . The courier encouraged them to make copies of all the documents , which Ben was happy to do on his new system . When the courier had departed , Logan and Ralph returned to the salon . Of course Logan had to leave early for another performance , but when he was done , instead of going directly home , he stopped by the residence , ostensibly to relinquish his earnings , but mostly to see and talk to Oscar . " Arthur Puckett ? ! Arthur Puckett , Oscar ? ! My God , Oscar , he makes Bill Gates look like a middle class retail clerk . You couldn 't have found someone with just a touch more clout ? " There was immediate laughter , but it wasn 't coming from Oscar who simply continued to sit and smile . It was coming from the computer on the desk . " Turn me around , Oscar , " said the laughing voice . The man that stared out of the screen was perhaps middle aged . He was most definitely younger than Oscar . What Logan could see of him looked in good shape . But he was definitely no one that he 'd ever seen or met . The last picture that had ever been made public of Arthur Puckett was when he was ten . No one anywhere had been able to get close enough to get a picture since that time . So Logan 's reaction was natural . He stared , open mouthed at the man on the screen . Then he stared some more . He moved forward woodenly and then simply sat down . . . except , there was no chair where he was , so he landed very abruptly and very hard on the tiled floor . That , at least , woke him to his situation and surrounds and his response what not what anyone expected . He rolled over on his side , clutched his sides and laughed . . . harder than he 'd laughed in a long time . Arthur Puckett dissolved in laughter and it took several moments for him to recover . " Logan , you are a treasure , " he said finally . " I have to admit that you are the only one of all my benefactors that I 've ever had the privilege of speaking to . Most would not have believed they were actually talking with me . " Logan smiled . " Under normal circumstances I 'd probably be one of them , sir . But I 've learned that Oscar doesn 't do anything small , and so I have no reason to doubt that you are the man who has just made it possible for me to realize a dream far sooner than I might have managed on my own . " " You 're welcome , Logan . And I 'd like it very much if you 'd call me Arthur . The misters and sirs begin to grate on my nerves very quickly . " " Now , I have only one burning question for you . May I tell Bill what you said to Oscar when you entered a moment ago ? He 'll get a hearty laugh out of it , I assure you . " " That 's a shame , Arthur . I 'd like nothing better than to have you present . It 'd be a unique way of showing my gratitude . " " Well then , I offer you that opportunity . You and Oscar can work out the details . " He glanced at his watch . " Now , I hate to run off like this , but I really need to be getting home . Dinner will be nearly done and Mom hates it when I 'm late . " " No , no , Logan , you go right ahead . " He paused as Logan stood up . " Logan , " he said softly , " I hope we get an opportunity to talk again . " " He seems to be exactly what you claimed . A very self assured young man . I always worry just a bit about these bequests because I can never really talk to the kids I help . I look forward to watching what Logan accomplishes with his . " Arthur Puckett . He 'd actually spoken with the richest man on four continents . And if things went well , he 'd probably be one of only a handful of people in the world that could claim to have shaken his hand . God Almighty , what had his life become ? His net worth had gone , in two short weeks , from the few bills in his wallet to . . . well , he had no idea what he might be worth at this point . He needed to find someone that could calculate that information out for him . That thought prompted another startling revelation which he immediately acted upon . " Hey , Ralph , Logan . I was just thinking about how my life 's gone from nothing to something financially significant . That led me to a new thought . What do you do most of each day at the salon ? " " Ralph , we 're partners now , officially . WE are the geniuses behind Maxwell Justice Studios . But only one of us is actually putting in real time in the design area . We need BOTH of us out on the floor doing what we do best . I think we need to consider getting someone on board that can handle the administrative end so that you and I can begin working more closely on what brings in the bacon . " There was another moment of silence . " Let 's pay Phillip to come in and examine our books and see if we have the means to do that . I know I 'd like to get back to doing more than just the big shows . " " Actually , Benny , I 'd like that . It 's been , what , five days ? Let 's not go so long next time , ok ? " Their sex that night was simple and accomplished in a timely manner . This was about them sharing their brotherhood and appreciation for one another . They kissed for some time , then exchanged blow jobs . It was a time for Ben to work at taking more of Logan this time . Logan helped with some suggestions , so Ben was soon swallowing nearly three quarters of Logan 's length . When the big release came , Ben was able to swallow about half of Logan 's offering . Ben was a little disappointed that he couldn 't manage more , but Logan made it quite clear that everything took time and practice and he hadn 't been the least disappointed in Ben 's efforts . To prove it , Logan gave Ben a new experience to take into his dreams . Ben was on his back simply enjoying the fact that he wasn 't spewing his seed the instant Logan touched him . This was definitely taking much longer then the other night . What shocked him was when Logan was licking Ben 's small nuts , he began licking further and further down and actually entered Ben 's crack with his tongue . The instant feeling of warmth and additional connection with Logan caused Ben to pull his legs up and back . This encouraged Logan to go even further and when he brushed his tongue over Ben 's ass hole . . . well , Ben was shocked , mesmerized and thrilled by the new and very intense sensations . His small cock went rock hard instantly as Ben grabbed the sheet and arched his back . With that much warning , Logan leaned up and swallowed Ben 's cock while placing a finger at the boy 's private entrance and simply rubbed gently . Ben 's orgasm was very rewarding . There was certainly more fluid this time . . . and did it seem a bit thicker ? Well , Logan chose not to explore that thought this time . Perhaps next time he 'd have his little brother cum on his stomach so they could look at the result together . The morning brought a heart - felt hug and a cheery ' have a good day ' from Ben as Logan headed out the door . He was just exiting the housing project when the green car from last night pulled in behind him . ' Hmm . Must have new neighbors , ' he thought as he pulled out into morning traffic . Ralph and Logan pulled into the salon parking lot at the same time . As he was opening the door of his car , Logan noticed the green car from the housing project pull into the strip mall across from the salon . The occupant parked in the near empty lot so that his car looked directly into the flower shop . Ok , this wasn 't right . " Phillip , I think I 'm being followed . There 's a dark green , late eighties Monte Carlo sitting in the strip mall right across from the salon . That car passed the house last night and then followed me to work this morning . I can 't talk now or I 'll give away that I 'm calling . If you need anything more , call Ralph 's phone . " " Not here . I 'll explain after we get inside and away from the windows . " That put Ralph on full alert . He 'd had more than his fair share of harassment over the years and he immediately recognized the strain in Logan 's voice . He put an arm across Logan 's shoulders . " Relax , Logan . Does anyone know you 've got a problem ? " " Good boy . Very smart . So we 'll just go about our business like we always do . I 'll get the revolver out of my desk , just in case . Is it that car that pulled in at the strip mall ? " " I think so . It went by the house last night when I pulled in and it was right behind me when I left the project this morning . " This was helping to relax him . If Ralph could be so calm and cool about it , so could he . " I didn 't really think much of it until he pulled in across the street just now . " " Ah . That 's good . Phillip 's not taking any chances . You can bet that their security is already on the way , along with Phillip and Oscar . So you and I will just carry on like normal . Just try to relax , Logan , you 've got all kinds of support on the way . . . you can count on that . " " I 've been harassed a few times . I recognized your tension , that 's all . " They reached the doors and Ralph opened up and they slipped inside . " Fortunately the rest of the staff park in back , so no problems there , " continued Ralph as he locked the door and they headed to the back office . " How you doing ? " Ralph went to the desk and pulled open the bottom drawer and removed a revolver . He checked it to be certain it was loaded and then pushed it inside the belt at his back . " Ok , normal routine , Logan . Let 's keep him focused on us so that he doesn 't suspect you 've called help . " It took all Logan 's willpower not to constantly look out the front windows as he went about the front refrigerators , checking to see which display pieces would need freshening , watering the ones that seemed dry . The glances he managed in the normal course of moving around the lobby revealed that the occupant was male and there was only the one person visible . But he was definitely staring at the shop , even pulling up a pair of binoculars once in a while to have closer look . It was only fifteen minutes since he 'd made the call , when two black Hum V 's raced up and screeched to a halt ; one on the sidewalk in front of the car , the other right behind the car , thus preventing the vehicle from moving . All Logan saw from then on was men jumping out of the trucks , weapons drawn and running around to bracket the sides of the car . The windows on the Hum V were too high for him to see what transpired after that , except when the Hum V behind the car backed up slightly and he could see them forcing a struggling , bound man into the rear seat , bracketed by two security guys . The three occupants of the Phillip 's car waited for the security man to join them . Only then did they make their way to the salon . Logan walked over and unlocked the door for them , calling , " They 're here , Ralph ! " " Yeah , sweetie , I 'm just fine ; only a little shaken , nothing more . " He pushed Reed back slightly so they could look at one another . " Shouldn 't you be in bed ? Your nights are pretty long . " " Yeah , right , like that 's going to happen , when I hear you 're in trouble . " But he smiled . " Should ' a known you could handle it . " " Yeah , well , I was pretty scared anyway . Ralph had to calm me down . " He then looked up at Phillip . " Thanks , big brother . " " He 's a PI is all we know right now . He was definitely stalking Logan , though . There were pictures on the front seat and a note pad with lots of time - stamped entries . " He smiled wickedly . " I think we 'll know something shortly , though . Mackie was already setting up this fellow 's accommodations when we raced out of there . " He looked over at Reed and Logan . " He 'll probably be joining your parents at the resort , Reed . " " Mark , " said Logan into the silence , " let 's keep this quiet for now . Not a word to my mother . But if you guys could make sure there 's no one lurking around the house , I 'd appreciate it . And remember , she knows what your Hum V 's look like , so does Benjamin . " Mark got a surprised look on his face . " We should have thought of that . " He pulled out his cell phone and stepped away to make his arrangements . Logan then turned to Phillip and his dad . " That goes for you two , too . No calls to Mom . I 'll tell her what 's happened when we KNOW what 's going on . She 'll worry herself sick if all we have is guesses . " " Ok , " said Mark as he folded his cell phone closed . " There 's an unmarked car on the way to your place now , Logan . We 're also leaving a man here for the day . " He turned to Ralph . " You got a corner somewhere that 's out of your way ? " " Perfect . All right , I 'm out of here . Jackson has claimed the right of first watch , so he 'll be arriving shortly . You want us to stick around until he gets here ? " Ralph pulled out his gun and displayed it . " No , I think we 'll be just fine . Thank all your guys for handling this so quickly , Mark . " He left quickly as Logan addressed the rest of the crowd . " All right , you three , get gone . Ralph and I have a business to run . " He then smiled . " By the way , has Ralph told you about the new name ? " Heads shook all around . " You have the privilege of standing in the lobby of The Maxwell Justice Studios : Purveyors of Floral Excellence . " " Oh hell , that 's right , " said Ralph , " I need to call the sign company and get them started on the new sign . " He turned to leave , but then thought better of it . " But not until Jackson gets here . " Just then another car pulled into the lot , a perfectly ordinary dark blue Mazda . Out of it stepped Jackson , dressed like any average shopper . The only difference is he carried a small sports bag in with him . " All right , people , " said Logan , as Jackson entered , looking far too serious . " I mean it , get out of here . My champion has arrived , so there 's nothing to worry about . " That got a smile out of the man . |
Lorraine Baker Stouffer turned her cheek as her husband , Jackson , kissed her . He was late , and she wanted him to know it . She took his suit coat from his arm and hung it in the hall closet . " Something smells good , " Stouffer said . " Sorry , I 'm late . There was just so much paperwork I wanted to get done so I wouldn 't have to go into the office this weekend . " Stouffer leaned against the counter and watched his wife as she checked on dinner . He never tired of looking at his wife , whose figure rivaled that of his sixteen - year - old cheerleading daughter , Gail . Her figure , at 41 , was almost the same as it was when they married twenty years ago - - many people thought their kids were adopted , her waistline was so narrow . Of course , she walked every morning with Jillian Hamilton and went to the gym , but she also seemed to eat all the time - - fattening things , like ice cream . Some people have lucky metabolisms , he thought again , as he pressed against his thickening midsection . He certainly was not fat , like Avery Wilson , but he was starting to have trouble keeping the pounds off . That 's why he ate salads for lunch and swam at the pool three mornings a week . " Usual , " Stouffer replied . " I don 't know what 's happening up there anymore . I used to be able to talk to Hamilton , but he seems to let Bidwell and Wilson make all the decisions . " " Now don 't start picking on DeWitt again , " Lorraine said . " I don 't to hear you running him down . I don 't think you should let your frustrations at work make you miserable at home . So it 's best not to talk about him . " " I know you 're right , Honey , " Stouffer said . " But it 's hard not to say anything when you ask about school . After all , that 's where Hamilton is , and he 's driving me nuts . " " Can 't you at least put it on a decent steak ? " Michael asked . " I can 't remember when you cooked real meat for dinner . " Stouffer did not reply . Lorraine was stubborn about a lot of things , and this meat thing was once of them . He had tried eating only the vegetables in the past , and she insisted on putting chicken on his plate . She fussed and fussed until he ate it . Stouffer moved to the cabinet and took out plates and brought them to the table . " Did you wash your hands ? " Lorraine asked . She continued , not waiting for an answer , " Get the table set . It 's your night . The eleven - year - old made a face but didn 't argue . " I thought I would go on Monday . We have that church thing Sunday afternoon - - we really need to go to that . And I can get you started for the week before I go . You don 't mind my going , do you , Jack ? Ceelee sounded like she was having a really hard time getting around . And I haven 't seen her in over a month - - and then just for one night . When Margie Sullivan pulled up to the Administration Building parking lot the first Monday of April , she was surprised to see Dr . Harry Bidwell 's car . She was coming to work an hour earlier than her usual seven thirty to try and get a jump on the paperwork for the upcoming Board of Regents meeting later in the week . Dr . Bidwell rarely came into the office before eight . And , lately , he had been coming in closer to nine . The interior of the building was dark beyond the security lights blazing in the foyer . Mrs . Sullivan fumbled with her keys just inside the door before turning the corner toward the main office about halfway down the shadowy hall . As she looked through the glass - fronted office , she could see light coming from under Bidwell 's closed office door . Margie Sullivan went about her normal routine . She put her purse in her lower desk drawer before crossing to the kitchenette . She flipped the switch on the neon lights of the small room , and was momentarily blinded by their flickering brightness . After she hung her coat in the closet , she and made coffee . While the coffee brewed , she went around the main office turning on the lights , the copy machine and her computer . Her phone light was blinking , so she checked for voice mail while her computer finished its booting cycle . She jotted down a few notes as she listened to her messages . The most important one was she had expected from the president of the college , Dr . DeWitt Hamilton . There were some papers on his desk that she needed to attend to immediately . When she finished with the voice mail , she clicked the E - mail icon on the computer . While she waited for the mail program to load and check for new messages , she took her coffee cup into the kitchenette and rinsed it out before pouring herself a cup from the first pot of coffee of the day . When she returned to her desk , she scanned her list of new messages , sipping the hot liquid from her cup . She started to get up to get the papers from the president 's desk when again noticed the light coming from under Dr . Bidwell 's closed door . She dialed his extension . Odd , Margie Sullivan thought . But she stayed on the line and left a message . " Dr . Bidwell , " she said into the receiver . " This is Margie . I just wanted you to know I was in the office . I 've made some fresh coffee . I 'll be happy to get some for you . " Mrs . Sullivan sniffed in disgust . He 's becoming more and more like Wilson , she thought . Dr . Wilson often didn 't answer his phone when he was in his office during non - business hours . " I know they don 't know who 's calling , " she grumbled , heading for the president 's office . " But it 's just rude to let the phone ring . " When she opened Hamilton 's office , she could see his phone light blinking . He had at least one message waiting for him . Margie Sullivan decided the make the changes Dr . Hamilton had requested in the correspondence he left on his desk before beginning the work for the regents ' meeting . It took little time to pull up the files on the computer , to insert a phrase here and delete a phrase there , and to print the revised documents . She was already immersed in board matters she was startled by the ring of her phone . She looked at her watch . It was already eight o ' clock . " President Hamilton 's office . This is Margie Sullivan . How may I help you ? " she asked , pulling a pencil out of a cup near the phone . " Hello , Margie , " a familiar voice replied . " This is Phyllis Bidwell . I just tried my husband 's office and didn 't get an answer . Is he in a meeting with Dr . Hamilton ? " " I thought he was in his office , " Margie replied . " Do you want me to check ? I know he and Dr . Wilson don 't always answer their phones . " Mrs . Sullivan crossed the room to Bidwell 's closed door . She knocked softly and waited . There was no reply . She knocked again . Harder this time . But there was no answer . She hesitated for a moment , reaching out to turn the handle , then decided to return to the phone and Mrs . Bidwell . Margie could almost hear Mrs . Bidwell thinking about her reply . " No , Margie , " the vice president 's wife said a moment later . " Just leave him a note that I called . I need to talk to him about something , but it 's nothing urgent . I 'll try back in a little while . " " Okay , " Margie replied . She hung up , and returned to the agenda she was preparing for the board meeting , but she couldn 't help wondering about Dr . Bidwell . Unlike Hamilton and Avery , who had places to hide when they weren 't in their offices , Dr . Bidwell was rarely away from his desk except for a scheduled meeting with someone . Margie always knew where he was . " It 's my fault . I just thought I would say hello since I saw you in here . I was on my way to the Dean 's office . " " Oh ? Is he here ? I didn 't see him come in , " she replied . " That 's probably where Dr . Bidwell is , then . " Margie returned to the agenda that she had partially entered into her word processor . " Let 's see , " she said out loud , " Item three , reports , item a , tax levy . So I need item b . " She looked down at the notes she had on her desk . Item b was preliminary lists for tenure and promotion . She would have to double check with Dr . Bidwell to make sure those lists were ready to go . After brushing her hair back up from her forehead , Margie Sullivan typed in the next item on the list . Then she picked up her phone and dialed Dean Stouffer 's extension . " Dr . Stouffer , this is Margie Sullivan . I was just wondering how much longer Dr . Bidwell was going to be in your office . There are some things I need to ask him about for the board meeting . " " Dr . Bidwell isn 't here , Margie , " Stouffer told her . " I haven 't seen him this morning . I did notice his car out front when I came in . Are you sure he 's not in his office ? " " Well … no … " she stammered . " I 'm sorry I bothered you , " she said , turning to stare at the close door to Dr . Bidwell 's office once more . She hung up the phone , not hearing Stouffer 's final remark . She opened her desk drawer and pulled out her keys . With an effort , she got up out of her chair and walked toward the vice president 's door . Each step brought more dread . When she tried the door , it was not locked , and a wave of relief washed over her . She knocked before pushing the door open . There was no answer . Nor would she be able to answer Sheriff Earl Johansson when he asked her what she noticed first . She did see Dr . Bidwell 's body slumping in his chair . But she also saw the spatters of blood that dotted the windows and walls behind his desk . She saw his glasses and a handkerchief sitting in the middle of the desk . And she saw the single , typed page beneath them . When the sheriff asked her what she did after she found the body , Margie tried to remember each step she took . " I called you , " she told him without looking at him . Her voice was toneless . When the sheriff led her back to the office , he pulled her around the desk . " I never came in this far . I called you , " she said . A shiver spasmed through her body . She looked away from the exploded back of Bidwell 's head . She focused on the small revolver on the floor . She could not stop looking at the gun . Even as the sheriff led her back out of the office , she craned her neck to look under the desk by the dead man 's feet . Johansson closed the door . " Don 't let anybody in there . " I 'll need to have some pictures taken before the coroner can take the body out of here . " When Kevin Dalton walked into the main office at eight thirty , the police photographer was just finishing her work in Bidwell 's office . Margie Sullivan sat on the couch near the president 's office . The youth ignored the commotion around the vice - president 's door and crossed the room to sit with her . She did not seem to see him . Mrs . Sullivan noted that the aging psychology professor was breathing heavily . She reached up a hand and took a hold of his . " Thank you for worrying about me , " she said . Why don 't you sit down ? " When the professor stepped away , Margie reached down into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out a folded sheet of paper . She pushed it into Kevin Dalton 's coat pocket . She gently restrained him from trying to take the paper out again with one hand , shook her head ever so slightly , and then held her index finger up to her lips . A few minutes later , Hickerson returned . " I 've asked the Sheriff to let you go home . He 'll send someone by later this afternoon to talk to you . Perhaps Kevin could take you home ? " He asked , focusing on the blond - headed youth . " I don 't think you should drive . " Mrs . Sullivan started to nod in agreement , but then stopped . " The board meeting ! I can 't leave . I have all that work that needs to be done before the meeting . " Hickerson ignored her . He went into the kitchenette and pulled her coat off the hall tree . When he returned to the couch , he held it out so she could slip it on . Kevin Dalton helped her up from the couch . She slipped her arms into the sleeves of the coat as the professor lifted the collar up over her shoulders . She started to follow Kevin out of the office when Hickerson asked her about her purse . " I guess I do need to lie down for a while , " she told him as she walked back to her desk and pulled her purse from the bottom drawer . She was just stepping into the hallway when she thought about President Hamilton . " I really should wait for him . " " I 'll tell him I sent you home . He 'll understand , " Hickerson assured her . He nodded to Kevin . The young man took the secretary 's arm and led her down the hall and out of the building . He had to ask her for her car keys when they reached her vehicle . And , after helping the middle - aged woman into the car , Kevin climbed behind the wheel and drove her home . They didn 't say a word until Mrs . Sullivan was inside her front door . " Something you need to see , " she replied . And that was all she would say . She closed the door on the boy , leaving him on her porch . He located the car , and saw Wes Barringer hanging out of the back window on the passenger 's side . Kevin waved and bounded down the steps and out to the street . " Hey , Wes , " he said , reaching the car . He peered inside . " Hi , Tim . Jody . " Jody and Tim never went anywhere without the other . They made sure they were in each other 's classes . And they even worked the same hours at the Deluxe Grill over by the college . Jody didn 't give time to look around for another girl friend , not that Tim wanted one . But almost everyone who knew them thought Tim would eventually break up with her or be smothered . " What are you doing over here ? Don 't you have an eight o ' clock class ? " Wes asked . " Not today . Lynch is at some conference , and he gave us a walk , " Kevin replied . " Man , you 're lucky . Spectra always schedules a test when she 's going to be gone , " Jody said . " Really ? " Jody asked . " I thought that fat guy , what 's his name - - he 's not very nice - - had a heart attack or something . " " Well , hop in , " Wes said . " We do need to get back for class . This 'll give Spectra something to talk about . Even kind of fits with the stuff we 're talking about in class . " " At lease we didn 't have to ride our bikes all over the country to find out about it , " Tim said . Wes laughed . " What does that mean ? " Jody asked . " I was just going to ask about having lunch with the board , " Kevin said . The last time I picked up the minutes for the paper , Mrs . Sullivan said she would see about my sitting in on the lunch , too . I was just going to remind her since the board meeting is Thursday . Guess I don 't need to worry about that now , though , do I . " " No , " Kevin said . When I got there , there was a photographer in there taking pictures . She told a cop who was standing by the door to keep people away from the office . So , I just went over and sat down on the couch next to Mrs . Sullivan . " " That sounds like him . You know , last fall , the Monday after Tim 's mom 's funeral , we were supposed to have a test , " Jody said . " And he told Tim he could take a make up test later if he wanted to - - which you would kind of expect . And then he told me the same thing . Don 't you think that was nice ? " Kevin wondered , too . And hoped the sheet of paper in his pocket held an answer to that question . Margie Sullivan made her way to the kitchen at the back of the house and put the teakettle on to heat water for some herbal tea . She couldn 't get the site of the gristly hole in the back of Bidwell 's head out of her mind . Her only small comfort came from knowing she would not have to face Mrs . Bidwell today . She did not think she was up to that . It would be hard enough talking to the Sheriff or one of his men . While she waited for the kettle to whistle , she stared through the window over the sink into the backyard . There were several inches of snow on the ground . She checked her watch . Nearly nine , she thought . Only nine . She suddenly felt very tired . The kettle 's shrill whistle brought her back to the moment . She fumbled in one cupboard for a mug and in another for the Serenity tea her sister sent her for Christmas . If I ever needed some , then today 's the day , she mused . She would have to Thank Kate for the tea . After slipping the pouch of herbs into the mug and covering it with water , she carried the brewing tea into the living room and set it on the long , battered coffee table in front of the couch . She turned on the CD player and put in " Quiet Moods , " her favorite collection , which sat atop the tuner for the stereo . Most of her CDs were filed alphabetically in the nearby bookcase . But " Quiet Moods " was never filed . As the first track began to play a light arpeggio on a harp , she collapsed onto the couch and picked up her mug of steaming tea . She sipped it carefully . It was still too hot to drink . But she needed to check to make sure it wasn 't getting too strong . After her first quick sip , she sipped again , and decided it had steeped enough , and she pulled the pouch out and put it in the nearby empty ashtray . Although she never smoked , Michael , her dead husband had . And so had her father . So Margie had grown used to having ashtrays about . She used them for candy wrappers , for bits of thread from her sewing and used tissues , as well as for the occasional teabag that found its way into the living room . As the second track played , a piece for oboe and flute wafted gently from the speakers . Margie took a swallow of tea and then sighed . She slumped back into the couch hoping to rest a bit before the Sheriff came over to question her about what she had seen . Margie was startled by a knock at her front door . And was more surprised as she rose to answer it that the CDs LED readout was on 1 . She vaguely remembered the start of the third track , a violin piece that she found particularly soothing , but she did not remember any of the other music playing . She glanced at the clock . It was nearly ten . As she approached the door , she could see the profile of Sheriff Johannson in the sheer curtains . His size , the familiar Sheriff 's hat , and his large stomach were easy to identify . He was a large man , at about six foot four . He was a native of St . Croix , but everyone teased him that his father must have come from somewhere else as he was easily a head taller than anyone else in town , except for a couple of the recruits Coach Harris had playing basketball for him at the college . Margie was standing at the edge of the coffee table staring at her cold , half - full cup of tea . " I think I 'd like something hot to drink . How about you , Sheriff ? Some coffee or tea ? " " Well , follow me out to the kitchen . We can talk out there . Besides , it will be easier to take notes if you 're sitting down at the table . " Oh , he 's fine , you know . He loves living in St . Paul . I 'm glad it 's close so that he can come and visit . I hate driving in that city . There 's just too many people and too much traffic . " Margie poured water into the back of her coffee maker . " It 's all the college kids , " Margie said , coming to the table carrying cups and spoons . " All of them have cars nowadays . Not like it used to be when the only days we had traffic were at the beginning and end of the school year with all the parents in town . " Johannson laughed , ran his hand through his hair and then across his stomach . " Those days are long gone , I 'm afraid . As both fell silent , the sound of the water pulsing over the coffee and the first faint tendrils of aroma filled the room . Johannson watched the pot fill . Margie idly positioned the sugar bowl on the table between them . When the last hisses of water finished dripping into the grounds , Margie got up and retrieved the thermos carafe , screwing the lid on as she came back to the table . She filled both cups three - quarters ' full and set the pot so that the Sheriff could reach it easily before sitting back down at the table . She waited while the Johannson added two spoons of sugar to his coffee . The she took the sugar bowl and added three spoons to her own cup . Johannson fumbled with his pen and his pocket notepad while Margie took the first sips of her coffee . He waited for her to set the cup down . " Are you ready ? " he asked in a hoarse whisper , clearing his throat after asking the question . Margie sighed and picked up her cup again . All she could see was the hole in the back of Bidwell 's head , and the blood and the brains and the bones that clung to the rough opening and spattered backward into the bookcases and across the window behind the desk . She set down the cup without drinking any coffee and pinched the bridge of her nose . It was several moments more before Margie spoke . " It 's odd , but I remember being relieved when I first tried his door and it wasn 't locked . I don 't know why . And then I knocked , turned the handle , and gave the door a little shove . As the door swung open , it was kind of like watching a movie and having the camera pan across a scene . First I could see the bookcase and everything seemed normal . Then the corner of his desk came into view . And then his arm and shoulder . They didn 't look right . … And then I noticed the blood . As the door swung out of the way and I saw his face … his head … I remember leaning up against the doorjamb . I couldn 't look away . " When Margie stopped for a sip of coffee , the sound of the sheriff 's pen scratching across his pocket pad filled the void . Margie took another sip of coffee before setting her cup down . And then she watched as Johannson continued to write . " I don 't remember walking into the room , but I must have because I can 't get the picture of the hole in his head out of my mind . I seen stuff like that in movies , but this … this was real … and it wasn 't anything like it 's filmed to be . And I saw the gun on the floor , there by his hand . It almost looked like he was trying to reach down and grab it . " " Not that I noticed . " But after a brief pause , " His glasses were on his desk and so was his handkerchief , " she added . " I remember thinking I had never seen him without his glasses on . Strange , the kinds of things you think , isn 't it ? " " Yes , his car was out front . And I told him I was there and that I made coffee . But he didn 't answer me . Not that he has to , you know . But he usually is very polite … . " Margie 's voice trailed off as she thought about how different Bidwell was from Avery . " No , " Margie replied . " Not really . Mrs . Bidwell called . He didn 't answer the phone , so she rang my desk . She was wondering where he was . And I offered to stick my head into his office to see if he was there , but she said it wasn 't necessary . And then , when Dr . Hickerson said he was going down to see Dean Stouffer , I thought Dr . Bidwell must be down there , so I called the Dean 's office to see when he would return . That 's when I got up to check Dr . Bidwell 's office . " " When Dr . Stouffer told me he hadn 't seen Dr . Bidwell , I got worried about where he was . It wasn 't like him to disappear . So I went to his office . That 's when I looked in . That 's when … that 's when … " Margie started crying . She buried her head in her hands and spilled her first tears . Johannson stood and moved around behind her and placed his large hands across her shoulders . After Margie regained control , he asked , " Do you want me to go now ? I can always talk to you later . " As he reached the kitchen doorway , he turned and said good - bye , and thanked her for answering his questions . " I hope you don 't mind , " he added , " but I asked Dr . Hickerson to come by and check on you . He said he would come by at lunch time . " Johannson turned to leave , but stopped before taking another step . " Just one last thing , " he said . " You didn 't see anything else on the desk other than the glasses and the handkerchief . Did you ? " Kevin Dalton asked to be let off in front of the administration building . As he approached the main office , a police officer was directing traffic away from the door . Dr . Hickerson noticed the cub reporter coming down the hallway and called to him , and the police officer reluctantly waved him into the office . " I told Johannson he should talk to you , " Hickerson said . " He didn 't like it . But I told him you were a member of the press and you had done him a favor by taking Mrs . Sullivan home where she could calm down a little . He made me promise I would look in on her , which I would have done , anyway . Can you be at the Sheriff 's Office at 3 : 30 this afternoon ? He said he would try and give you about fifteen minutes then . " " Don 't thank me . You need to get busy and work on the questions you 're going to ask him . He 'll respect you if you ask him good questions - - even though he may not want to answer them . But you 'll never get another chance to talk to him if you go there unprepared . " " You know my door 's always open , Kevin . Tuesdays I am free after three and I usually go home about five . If you need me to stay a bit later , just call - - leave a message if I 'm not there - - so I will know . " |
The Struggle to Be an Integrated Man in a Segregated World . Michelle V . Agins / The New York Times Depending on who wants to know , the author is white , black , both and neither . Why it matters at all is another question . hen I was a kid growing up in Chicago , I used to do anything I could to put off going to bed . One of my favorite delaying tactics was to engage my mother in a discussion about the important questions of the day , questions my friends and I had debated in the backyards of our neighborhood that afternoon - - like Who did God root for , the Cubs or the White Sox ? ( The correct answer was , and still is , the White Sox . ) " Man , you 're crazy , " one of the backyard boys said . " You 're not even the best of your family . Your sister is . That girl is fine . " For much of my life , I 've tried to believe my mother . Having grown up in a family of blacks and whites , I 'd long thought I saw race more clearly than most people . I appreciated being able to get close to both worlds , something few ever do . It was like having a secret knowledge . And yet I 've also known from an early age that things were more complicated than my mother made them out to be . Our country , from its very beginnings , has been obsessed with determining who is white and who is black . Our history has been shaped by that disheartening question . To be both black and white , then , is to do nothing less than confound national consciousness . My mother denies it , but it has also sometimes confounded our family . For as my mother was answering my bedtime question , my brothers , David and Robert , her children from an earlier marriage , were going to sleep in a house 15 miles away . My father was black . David and Robert 's was white . They lived with my grandmother in an all - white neighborhood . I lived with my mother and my younger sister , Diane , in Hyde Park , a mixed neighborhood on the South Side of Chicago . We shared a loving parent , but we lived in separate Americas . We have spent most of our lives trying to come together . My father , Bill Terry , was born in Covington , Ky . , in 1921 , the grandson of slaves . In his youth , he was a professional boxer . Later , he went to work as a bodyguard for the unions in Chicago , cracking scab heads . He was one black man who was not at all shy about standing up to authority . In his late 30 's , he became an actor . He was good at it , too . My mother told me years later that when my father walked onto a stage to deliver his lines in " The Death of Bessie Smith , " the audience gasped . " He had presence , " my mother said . " Incredible presence . " He was a lifelong integrationist , but the nonviolent civil rights movement was not for him . He could not understand how protesters could allow themselves to be roughed up and spat on at sit - ins and not defend themselves . Bill Terry didn 't turn the other cheek ; he threw the other fist . My mother , Jeanne Katherine Ober , was born in 1918 and was reared on a dairy farm outside the village of Greenwood , Ill . She was sent to high school in Chicago and then , at 25 , she returned home to marry the son of a wealthy farmer . It was a rocky union : her husband drank too much , and after eight years of marriage , my mother left , taking her two sons to Chicago - - David was 8 , Robert was 2 . There , she opened a nursery school and became involved in civil rights work through her Unitarian church . Until then , she had never personally known a black person . MORE PHOTOS My parents met in 1956 , at a party of racially mixed hipsters . e was 35 ; she was 38 . s my mother tells it , she had been eyeing my father for much of the evening . e was the center of attention , with his boxer 's grace and a smile that could light up the darkest corners of the room . efore long , my father asked my mother to dance . t 6 feet 2 inches , he towered over her . oon , my parents were living together - - along with David and Robert - - in my mother 's four - bedroom Colonial in Evanston , a Chicago suburb . en months after they met , I was born . was 6 months old when my father decided he wanted to sell the house and move to California . hen my mother 's mother heard about the plan , she had a fit . y grandmother said the boys needed stability and insisted they live with her and her second husband , Gerhard Raven . y staying with Grandpa Raven was not an option . n the day Grandpa Raven found out my mother was carrying a black man 's baby , he got uncharacteristically drunk . y grandmother told him about the pregnancy at a restaurant because she felt that perhaps if she explained it in a public place , he might not explode . hen they got home , Gerhard poured himself a drink and took it outside to the front porch . e sat on the cement steps muttering about the " goddamn niggers . " When we left for California , the plan was for my parents to send for my brothers once we got settled . But " instead of getting settled , " my mother said , " we got poor . " We quickly ran out of money . My father lost his landscaping job and stopped looking for work . Less than a year after arriving in L . A . , he hopped into our car and disappeared without saying goodbye . My mother was desperate . She used her last few dollars to buy a plane ticket to get the two of us back to Chicago , where she knew my father was headed . We arrived around Christmas with nowhere to go . My grandmother made it clear that we were not welcome at her house . We spent the holiday sleeping in the home of a black friend of my mother 's . " I was disowned , " my mother said recently , when I asked her about those days . " Was it because of me ? " I asked , sounding to myself like a little boy again . " Was it because I was black ? " " No . " my mother said . " No , it had nothing to do with you . My mother was mad at me for going through the money . " I was surprised at how relieved I felt . I wasn 't sure that I believed her , though I desperately wanted to . One of the nightmares of race is that it 's sometimes hard to distinguish between cruelties - - hard to know what is racism and what is the simple human infliction of pain . A white friend of my mother 's from the civil rights movement allowed us to move into his roach - infested tenement on the edge of Hyde Park . A few weeks after we got settled , my father reappeared and my parents reconciled . We were a family again - - except that my brothers continued to live with my grandmother and Gerhard . A year later , in 1959 , my parents had a daughter , Diane . I remember how happy I was that we were all together . It was especially great to have my father around . If I bugged him enough , he would put down his paper and , like his hero , Paul Robeson , sing " Ol ' Man River " for me . On hot summer evenings , when it seemed the whole neighborhood was out , my father would scoop me up in his arms and run with me through the warm evening air . I was home . My dad was with me ; it was heaven . Hyde Park itself played a major role in my happiness . The neighborhood , which is home to the University of Chicago , had been integrated since the late 1940 's , despite the early resistance of the university . By the time I came along , having a black father and a white mother was common in Hyde Park . In fact , there were so many biracial children running around the neighborhood when I was a kid that it was almost hip to be " mixed , " as we called ourselves then . It was so hip that some people who weren 't pretended that they were . Sophia , for example , was white , but she told everyone that her father , who was from the Soviet Union , was a " black Russian " - - You know , like the drink , " she said . Since she was only trying to fit in , we forgave her her lies . Most of the mixed kids in Hyde Park were pure - blooded mulattos , so to speak . There were Bob , Michael , Rebecca , Cindy , the Twins and many others . All of them had black fathers and white mothers . With so many kids who looked like me and with so many parents who looked like mine , it was easy to feel completely comfortable saying I was simply half and half . My memory is one of togetherness . That 's not to say that even in this utopia the power of race was entirely absent from our lives . When I was a boy , my father would perform a ritual . He 'd plop his long brown arm down on a table top and ask me if I could see the red tint in his skin . " See there , " he 'd say . " That 's the Indian blood in me . You have it , too . All the Terrys do . We 're a quarter Cherokee . " I 'd carefully inspect his arm , turning it over in the light , but all I could ever see was the brown skin of a black man . I thought it was a strange game . He did not look like an Indian . His skin was brown . There was nothing red about him . There was nothing red about me either . My complexion is the color of sand . The texture of my hair is somewhere between kinky and curly . I have my father 's full lips , and my nose and thick eyebrows come from my mother . When I look in the mirror , it is easy for me to see Europe and Africa dancing across my face like lovers . Other people , however , aren 't sure what they see . When they ask , " What 's your nationality ? " I often suspect that they really mean : are you on our side or their side ? Can we trust you , brother ? Are you dangerous , nigger ? I 'm not sure my answer can ever really change the interaction . These questions , these loyalty oaths , have followed me most of my life . In 1962 , our world changed . My parents got into a vicious argument . My father had been out carousing and my mother was fed up with him drinking up what little money we had . In a flash , my father had his big hands wrapped around my mother 's throat , squeezing as hard as he could , banging her head against the wall . It sounded like a thunderstorm . I was terrified . I had heard my father yell before , but he had never picked my mother up by her throat and screamed into her face , " Bitch ! " I had no idea what to do , so I threw myself at his tree trunk of a leg and tried to bite him . Whenever I think of that night , my father transforms , in my child 's memory , into one of those scary talking trees in " The Wizard of Oz . " " Daddy ! " I screamed . " Please stop hurting Mama . Please , Daddy . Please . " He would not stop . I bit him again . He banged her head some more . My cousin Junior , who was a grown man , but not nearly as grown as my father , somehow persuaded him to stop , and my mother slumped to the floor , holding her throat and looking almost as scared as I was . In a few minutes , the police seemed to fill up the apartment with their rough voices and the sound of their clubs slapping against their leather gun belts and holsters . They yelled at my father to turn around and to put his hands behind his back so they could put the handcuffs on . I was confused . I didn 't know what was happening . After all , the only time I really saw my father with his hands behind his back was when he brought me candy from the corner store . He would make me guess which hand held the sweets . Then the police took him down the stairs , and I remember being scared all over again . I begged them not to take my father away , but they never turned back . After that , my parents separated for good . My father moved to New York City to pursue his acting career . My mother was left with two children in a crumbling apartment . Sometimes my mother had to choose between buying food for us or paying the utility bills . Once , when the electricity was cut off , my sister and I snaked an extension cord under our front door and plugged it into a socket in the building 's hall so we could have a lamp to do homework . We went on public assistance . The only salvation was that , bit by bit , we started to see my grandmother and brothers again . Of course , we could only visit my grandmother 's yellow brick bungalow on the far North Side of Chicago when Grandpa Raven was at work or out of town on one of his fishing trips . Grandpa Raven had a bad heart . My grandmother was afraid that the stress of seeing his stepdaughter and her black children would kill him . So we made sneak visits . To me , my brothers seemed rich . There was a push - button television console in the living room , a new Dodge in the garage and a freezer stuffed with ice cream bars in the basement . My grandmother , whom we called Nana , would also sneak my brothers down to Hyde Park , reminding them , " Don 't tell Grandpa Raven . " Gerhard Raven died when I was 8 . His heart finally gave out . But I can sleep easy that the sight of a black child in his family was not what killed him . He died never having laid eyes on me . As far I was concerned , Grandpa Raven was an unrepentant racist ; to my brothers , however , the man who took them fishing couldn 't have been a better surrogate grandfather . " He was better than a father , " David said . " He was a great guy . He was not a man motivated by prejudice . " My brother even had an explanation for the drunken rantings on the steps that day : " Rather than blame Mother , " he said , " he blamed ' the niggers . ' MORE PHOTOS In my view , David is just as blinded by his love for Grandpa Raven as I am by my hate . tell myself that Gerhard is racist evil incarnate . n my heart , though , I know there is more to it than that . he truth is a child 's truth : I had wanted Gerhard to be my grandfather , too . fter Gerhard 's death , we visited my grandmother every other weekend , making up for lost years . ne night , I stayed over at Nana 's . hen it came time for my bath , I hopped into the tub , pretending to recreate the moon landing , which had just taken place . had one foot in when Nana called from the living room , " Remember , Donny , just because your skin is darker doesn 't mean I can 't see the dirt , so scrub hard . " ana didn 't mean to hurt my feelings , but she did . et I never thought of her as prejudiced . he was an elderly white woman , trying to make her way in a changing world . he never said " nigger . " he said " Negro . " he tried to treat everyone fairly . he called me " darling " and " honey bunch . " he made sure there were always plenty of big chocolate chips in the pantry . loved her dearly and she loved me . ithout her , we would have sunk completely into poverty . Biracial though I was , my first real memory of being called " nigger " was the same cruel rite of passage it has been for black children the country over . I was 7 , and I was playing football with a group of white kids in a suburb 25 long miles from Hyde Park . A boy , about my age , saw me in a neighbor 's yard and started jumping up and down . He pointed at me excitedly as he chanted : " Nigger . Nigger . Nigger . " I was shocked . I wasn 't a nigger . My mother was white . Couldn 't he see her standing there , a few feet away ? He had heard me call her mom at least a half - dozen times : " Mom , I 'm having too much fun . Mom , please can we stay a little longer so I can play with my new friends ? " Couldn 't he tell I was only half - black ? He could have easily called me whitey , honky or cracker . Why didn 't he do that ? I had just as much white blood in me as black . And even if I was all black , why was he calling me names ? I tried to go after the boy , but my mother pulled me back . Then she did something that shocked me - - and filled me with joy . From 10 feet away , she threw a plastic cup at the kid , hitting him in the head and sending him running down the street , calling for his mother . A few years after the football game , I was walking down the street with a white friend . A well - dressed member of the Nation of Islam asked me if I wanted to buy a copy of Muhammad Speaks , the group 's newspaper . " No thanks , " I said . Other moments also made it clear that a mixed family seemed foreign to the eyes of America . In the summer of 1972 , when I was 15 , my brother David , who collects old Packards , took me to Nebraska to pick up a 1956 Patrician . I was excited - - it was my first out - of - town trip with one of my brothers . At the car owner 's house , David introduced me to a white man in white shoes . He leaned against a white picket fence . " This is my little brother , Donny , " he said . The man and I shook hands . Then he stared at me . I had a huge Afro ; David 's straight brown hair was cut Young Republican short . The man winked at David . " You mean you work together ? " he asked . " No , " David said . " I mean this is my brother . " " Oh , I get what you 're saying , " the man said . " The Bible says we are all brothers under the skin . It 's good to see people taking the word of God to heart . " What a fool , I thought to myself then . Today I know : as a person of mixed race , it 's the norm to have your closest relationships questioned at every turn . Until I went to college , racial difference stood out for me precisely because it was the exception to the rule . In college , it became a defining force in my life . It didn 't start that way . In 1975 , when I discovered Oberlin College , I was confident I had found a place where I could be my mixed - race self . As a stop on the underground railroad , Oberlin had a special reputation for enlightened race relations . It was the school 's brochure that sold me , though . Featured prominently was a picture of two baseball players conferring on the mound . One player was white with a long ponytail , the other black with an Afro . It looked like home . But at the start of freshman year , I was startled to see a very different picture . When I walked into the dining room , black students were sitting together at a group of tables in the middle of the room ; white students were eating together at tables along the windows . At football and basketball games , black fans usually sat with blacks , whites with whites . The intramural sports teams were rarely mixed . For a while , I tried to recreate Hyde Park at Oberlin . I hung out with a mixed group of friends and my intramural teams always included white guys and black guys - - and slow guys of every color . I decided not to join the African Heritage dorm . But even on this supposedly liberal campus , trying to live integrated was an uphill battle . A black student asked me once , " My man , where 's the mail room ? " " That one , " I said . " That blond dude . " " Man , that 's no brother , " he said . " That 's a white boy . What 's wrong with you ? " What was wrong with me ? I wasn 't split in two - - the world was . And yet I was the one expected to adjust . Being away from Hyde Park was a shock to my racial system . I felt even more out of step with most white students . For the first time , I was exposed to white people who had not known black people as friends , neighbors or even classmates . One night , I was visiting a white girl and her white roommate in their dorm . The door was open and we were just talking . Another black student was also there , flirting with the roommate . I was just about to leave when a white girl walking down the hall passed the open door and stuck her head in . She looked disgusted . " What 's this , " she asked , " a soul - brother session ? " I was stunned . What did race have to do with anything ? We were just two guys rapping to two girls and not getting anywhere . The girl I was visiting looked embarrassed . I wasn 't sure if she was embarrassed about her rude neighbor - - or that her rude neighbor had " caught " a couple of brothers in her room . Fed up , I embraced blackness - - as a shield and a cause . I signed up for a course on black nationalism . The decision was one of the most important developments of my life . Black studies saved me . It gave me a sense of discovery both academically and personally . Black studies helped me find an identity . As important , it helped me for the first time to understand my father 's anger . The more I learned the more I began to realize the struggles a black person born in 1921 had to go through just to survive . Once , after reading about the brutality of the race riots following the First World War , I had to walk around the library to cool off . That was my father 's welcome to life . I didn 't want to run into any of my white friends that afternoon . I didn 't know what I might say to them . At last , I felt in touch with my rage that race , even at my " progressive " college , mattered so much ; that I could not compleMy decision , I 've come to believe , had as much to do with anger as anything else . I started using the term " white boy , " something I had never done in my life . It felt liberating at first , like standing up to a bully . But I felt guilt when I went home to Hyde Park and spent time with my family and old friends . I was afraid I was becoming a racist . One afternoon , I was driving my mother 's tiny Volkswagen . She was sitting in the passenger seat . One of my best friends , Danny Gnatz , a white guy with hair down past his shoulders , was in back . We were talking and laughing when a fat white man , driving a big American car , suddenly cut in front of me . We nearly collided . I slammed on the brakes , glared out the window and shouted , " You stupid white son of a bitch . " As soon as I said it , I felt like jumping out of the car and running away in shame . At first , my mother and Danny pretended that they had not heard . What was going on with me ? What did race have to do with it ? " I 'm sorry , you guys , " I said . " That 's O . K . , Donny , " my mother said , patting my arm . Danny slapped me on the back of the head , signaling that everything was all right . But we drove a long way in silence . The incident in the car caused me to question my behavior , but not my identity . When I returned to Oberlin , I enrolled in more black studies courses and became even more involved in the anti - apartheid movement . I left Oberlin a thoroughly black man . MORE PHOTOS After college , I went into journalism , hoping to do good in the world as my parents had tried to do . y first job was at The Chicago Defender , a small and struggling but historically significant black newspaper . then went on to work for a number of larger papers in the Midwest before coming to The New York Times in 1988 . n just about every one of these jobs , my reputation was built as much around my race as my journalism ; I was the black man with a big mouth , ready to get loud at the slightest racial slight - - the brother with a boulder on his shoulder . n editor at The Chicago Tribune , where I used to work , called me the most contentious young reporter he 'd ever met . nce , at The Times , as I was finishing a crime piece , an editor came up to me and asked whether the arrested man , whom the police had roughed up , had a criminal record . put it right back to him : how come you 're not asking me if the cop has a record of brutality complaints ? n short , I was the one who could always be counted on to ask the editors why our stories on welfare seemed to focus on black people when more whites received public assistance . And yet . And yet even as a " black man , " I remained confusing to the world around me , including the black world . One weekend , after I had joined The Times , I brought home a girlfriend - - a talented black woman , a poet and fellow journalist . I took her to meet my brother David . His young daughter , Julie , was wild that afternoon , running around the house , jumping on the furniture and singing " Heartbreak Hotel " over and over . Afterward my girlfriend , rubbing her temples with both hands , told me , " That Julie is a white brat . " I was startled by how much those words hurt . Why couldn 't Julie just be a brat ? She was a little kid . I used to shoot arrows down the hall of our apartment ; my brother Robert loved to run barefoot through the snow . In my family the kids , black and white , are wild . Not long after that , my girlfriend and I broke up . Julie may have been a brat , but not a white brat . I like to joke that my mother had four children , if you don 't count any of the men in her life . David is a successful stockbroker . Robert is an artist and boat captain . My sister , Diane , has spent the past 22 years battling schizophrenia . Diane has a daughter , Wakara , who was reared mostly by my mother and me and who graduated from Oberlin in May . When she accepted her diploma , David was there , just as he has been been for every one of her graduations - - and every one of mine . Still , though we are adults now in a more enlightened time , race can appear like a ghost , disrupting the life of our family . A few years ago , I was at David 's house . It was a cold Chicago night , yet inside , with flames crackling , we felt wonderfully warm . David was mixing drinks . Julie , then 12 , announced to us that she had received an A on her seventh - grade social studies assignment . " Would you like to see my project , Uncle Donny ? " she asked me . Using old photographs , Julie had laid out 100 years of the family 's history , culminating in the well - kept suburb where she and her family now lived . She handed me the three - ring notebook . Under a photograph of my mother on a pony , the caption read , " This is a picture of my Grandma Jeanne when she was 12 years old on the family farm in Greenwood , Illinois . " A few pages and decades later the text reported : " This is a picture of my Uncle Robert in the 60 's . As you can see , he was a hippie . " There were pictures and words about almost everyone in the family , including Julie 's dog , Buddy , and her cat , Clipper . There were pictures of everyone , except for Aunt Diane , Cousin Wakara and Uncle Donny , the black members of the family . I could not believe that we had been left out . Then I figured I must have gone through the pictures too fast . Or maybe , I thought , putting down my glass , it was the drink . So I went through the book a second time , searching for our pictures , or at least a few words about us . " I 'm not in this , " I said , closing the book and handing it back to Julie . " What 's up with that ? " There was only awkward silence . Though I tried to let the incident go , I found myself one day raising it with David 's son , Noah , who had just returned from the Navy . Noah listened to the story , and then told me one of his own . He was showing his photo album to a black shipmate . When the sailor turned to pictures of Wakara and me , Noah said : " The guy was happy . He patted me on the back . He said , ' We don 't have to worry about Noah . He 's part black . ' My nephew paused . " I told him I 'm not part black , " he said . " It didn 't matter to him . He was still happy . " And so was I . My brother Robert lives in a small city in Washington State , largely isolated from the rest of the family . It is clear , too , that he has isolated himself from memories of our childhood . His distance - - both geographic and emotional - - is understandable , for he bears the wounds of an 8 - year - old who was left behind by his mother . When I asked Robert questions about the past , he repeatedly said he did not remember and that I should ask David . But one afternoon , as we drove through his town , he slowly began to open up . Robert does not think he harbors any ill will toward black people because of Bill Terry 's role in dividing our family . But I 'm not so sure . " You could say , " Robert said , " that a black person came in and tore up the family . " He didn 't say , " You could say another man came in and . . . . " " You could blame Bill for destroying the family , " he went on , negotiating the road 's curves . " But I don 't think that has rubbed off on me as being a racist . I don 't think it 's affected me in a negative way . You can see it affecting someone like Grandpa Raven , though , " he continued . " He had a little bit about him that was kind of Aryan . People build up these barriers and it 's hard for them to climb over them . " We headed toward the town 's waterfront , and the more Robert talked , the more I worked to hide my anger and my hurt - - and to remember his . " Mother , " he said , " seemed to develop a propensity for black men . " I simmered . What did it matter that Mom had black boyfriends ? She lived on the South Side of Chicago and was involved in the civil rights movement . There were a lot of black men around . If she had white boyfriends instead , would Robert say that she had developed a propensity for white men ? It began to rain and we passed a couple of young Latino men standing on a corner . Robert glanced at them and said his town wasn 't the same anymore . More and more people who looked like gang members seemed to be showing up , many of them Latino . " I get upset with the country changing so much , " he said . Jesus , I thought to myself . What the hell does that mean ? If Robert had been any other white man talking about the " good ol ' days " and the changing country , if I had been interviewing Robert as a reporter on assignment , I would have been convinced I 'd found a racist . But even in the midst of my anger , I kept forcing myself to try to believe that Robert was not a racist . He was my big brother , a star athlete , the guy I wanted to impress when I was a kid . No matter what , I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt , something I realized I do not often do for most white people . " I don 't think I 'm a racist , " Robert said , making me think he had read my mind . " But maybe I am . I hope not . " If Robert and I were struggling with race - - after all , in heavy traffic , I occasionally mumble about bad - driving white boys - - his 8 - year - old son , Henry , was not . One day , Robert , Henry and I drove up to Vancouver , Canada . We spent a wonderful afternoon going to museums and eating fish and chips . In the evening , we headed home , with Robert driving and Henry and me sitting in the back . At the border , Robert pulled into the line of cars waiting to go into the United States . From the back seat , I could see the American border guard , a young black man , wave several cars through with hardly a word . When it was our turn , however , he walked slowly around our car , peering into the windows . Something was suspicious about us . " Where are you going ? " he asked Robert . " Yeah , " Robert said . " We 're half brothers . " I cringed at the word " half . " The guard looked at me again . He was on the verge of asking another question , when Henry leaned across my lap and , poking his head out the window , said , " He 's my Uncle Donny and we love him . " And my parents ? My mother went back to college when she was in her 40 's and has been a schoolteacher ever since . At 82 , she teaches history and conflict resolution at an alternative school , Sullivan House , on the South Side of Chicago . Not long ago , I tried to ask her why she didn 't bring David and Robert with us to California . It was a gentle summer day and we were in a small Catholic cemetery near her hometown . My mother sat in the grass next to her mother 's grave . She was hugging her knees to her chest . Her back was turned to me . She was crying . We had been to the cemetery many times over the years , but I could not remember my mother crying before . The tears were my fault . I was asking her questions . The child in me wanted to know what she was thinking when she left my brothers behind . Didn 't she see the harm it would do to us all ? But all she answered was : " I was at my wits ' end in those days . Everything was falling apart . " Leave her be , I told myself , as I looked out over the graves of my ancestors . What good can come from dredging up painful memories ? My father died of cancer in 1998 in New York City at age 76 . I hadn 't seen him for two years , though I had kept track of his acting career , which included a role in " Forrest Gump . " A group of my father 's friends arranged a memorial to be held in his apartment building - - though I finally could not bear to go to the service , all those years late . My grief and anger over his abandonment was still strong . A friend brought me a videotape of the service . I was pleased to see a parade of mourners of all colors walk to the front of the room and say kind things about my father . They said he had stopped drinking , that he had found peace with God , that he had become like a grandfather to some of the children in the building . It was the kind of integrated gathering he had fought for and loved . One speaker was a stylishly dressed white man in his late 60 's . He said he and my father had spent a lot of time talking about my father 's childhood . The man started choking up and walked away . The man , it turned out , was a psychologist my father had started seeing when he was 70 . A few months after watching the tape , I called him . We talked about the fact that Bill had fathered seven children with four different women - - three white , one black . With the obvious exception of my sister , I barely know any of them . " He was repeatedly touching on the issue of white women as if he were trying to make rational in somebody else 's eyes how he had lived his life , " the therapist said . " He couldn 't see it as accidental that he had a succession of nonblack women in his life who gave birth to his children . " The therapist said that my father wanted to have racially mixed children in part to prove himself to his mother . As a boy he had been passed from relative to relative and was never really sure of who his father was . Bill also told the therapist that his mother had been disappointed that his skin was a dark shade . By having lighter , mixed - race children , he was saying , the therapist concluded : " ' Look at these beautiful children I 've produced . ' It was a search for approval . " I believe that chasing white women was more than that for my father . It was about fighting back against pre - civil rights America . One thing that my father liked about white women , he told his therapist , was the fact that seeing them on his thick brown arm drove white men crazy . It reminded me of something my father had told me once : " I took my wife anywhere I wanted to go . I 'm a man . " The day after my father died , I wandered through his apartment . I ran my hands over his books , his saxophone and the photograph on the wall of his hero , Paul Robeson , dressed as Othello . My father 's love for Robeson was one of the few uncomplicated joys we shared . After my father died , all I wanted was that picture . I took the picture down and hugged it . Then I peeked into my father 's closet and slipped on his too - big - for - me leather jacket , knotting the belt tightly like a little boy playing Daddy . I took a series of deep breaths and inhaled the aroma of his pipes , lifting them to my nose from the carousel on the coffee table . Then , from under his bed , I pulled a small strongbox with a broken lock . It was full of documents . One was a copy of my birth certificate . I was surprised and touched that he had it . Then I noticed what he had done to it . On lines 8 and 13 of the document , the clerk 's office for Cook County , Ill . , had recorded that my father was " Negro " and my mother " Caucasian . " My father , however , had a different idea . Using dark blue ink , he had crossed out the references to race on my birth certificate , leaving just " father " and " mother . " |
Shipley : I was born to a couple of teenage parents in southwestern Oklahoma in 1921 . They had run off and gotten married , secretly , and when they turned up with an infant , they decided to just get rid of me . I was born in a town called Lawton , which is in southwestern Oklahoma . It was one of those towns that you see in movies about the early twentieth century , where the bank robbers are . They left me there about three o ' clock in the morning on a December night , when I was three weeks old . I was found the next morning by the town constable , and taken to Frank Shipleyhipley , who was the president of the bank in this tiny town . He and his wife decided to adopt me . I grew up in Lawton . My adolescent years were spent in Oklahoma City . When FDR became president in 1933 , my dad , who was a loyal Democrat , got a job in Oklahoma City , which is the big place in Oklahoma . So we moved up there and my adolescence was there , which was probably a good idea . My mother died when I was eleven years old , and my father , who was a very gentle and kind man , but very old - fashioned , had the notion that he had to have a woman in the house . The idea that a household could exist without a wife / mother figure was just not something he could deal with . So he asked his first cousin 's husband 's sister to come and live with us . Her name was Mrs . Rankin . I was about twelve years old . That was a disaster for me . Being gay in the 1930s , there was zero information , zero anybody to talk to . It was like you had some incredible state or sickness that you didn 't understand at all . There was nobody to ask . I went through the public library in Oklahoma City looking for information and couldn 't find any . So I was already having the usual difficulties that gay kids have when they first try to figure it out . Shipley : Oh , I was clearly aware of all this just about the time I hit puberty , because it became apparent to me that the other guys were all getting interested in girls , and they didn 't interest me at all . What was this ? Why did I find looking at these good - looking guys much . . . Why did I want to do that ? There was nobody to talk to . It was unbelievably dead when it came to any kind of information at all about anything , which in a way was a kind of an advantage , because at least when I was in high school there was nobody yelling faggot or anything like that . They didn 't even know there was such a thing as gay people , so there was no problem . And I wasn 't effeminate or anything like that , so I could just slide along . I had started in the second grade in school when I was five years old , so I graduated from high school when I was sixteen . Quite apart from any of the gay stuff , Mrs . Rankin was a very difficult person for me to cope with , because she was from Georgia and wanted to teach me how to be a Southern gentleman . My dad was a banker , so we lived well , but it was Oklahoma , which was not the world 's fashion center or anything . But she made lots of difficulties for me , which I probably could have coped with better if I hadn 't also been trying to deal with this big - time life problem . So when I was sixteen and out of high school , I first tried to get my dad to get her to go away . He couldn 't bring himself to do that , because it was not gentlemanly . So I finally arranged with my dad 's sister and her husband in Utah to let me come and stay with them . Shipley : No . Nobody at all . I was desperately in love with another boy in the school , who was funny and charming and good - looking and cute - - and straight as an arrow . And he liked me a lot , because I was pretty smart , and fun to be with . But it was driving me crazy , of course . The usual thing , no touchy ! [ laughter ] But I found no other gay guys . Well , that 's not quite true . One night just after my mother died , my dad and I went to a dinner party at the house of one of the local bankers in Oklahoma City . They had a son who was unfortunately not very good - looking , but he got me upstairs and seduced me . We were thirteen , fourteen , something like that . But that was no fun , because I didn 't like him . I think that was the only thing that happened to me that involved somebody else who was also gay . I remember my father tried to get me to be more friendly with this kid because of the connections to his father . I must have already figured something out , because I clearly remember saying to my father , " I don 't want to stay around with him , Dad , because he is homosexual . " So I learnt that word somewhere , but I can 't remember how . I must have found some book in the public library . My dad asked , " What 's that ? " I said , " Well , I think that 's boys who like other boys sexually . " He said , " I 've never heard of that . " He didn 't even know there was such a thing . In a way that was nice , because that meant no one was hollering faggot . No one was picking on anybody . There was none of that in my high school . But on the other hand , it made finding out what the hell was going on virtually impossible for kids who were gay , because there was no place to get any information . There was nobody to consult . What 's going on with me ? One book I found when I was a teenager was Radclyffe Hall 's The Well of Loneliness . I found that . That helped some because at least I found that women had these feelings . So I went off to Utah for a year to live with my aunt and her husband . It was a delightful and also dreadful year . My aunt 's husband was a munitions expert at an ordnance depot just outside Ogden , Utah , and that 's where we stayed . It was a kind of small military post that had a few officers . No enlisted men , because it was mainly a place to store shells . But the commanding officer , who was a colonel , had a son , Bob , and the son was great ! So another relationship got started . This time it paid off because we had a kind of a real affair . He was very charming . But he was , like most [ gay ] kids in those days , conflicted and disturbed . It 's easy to see why . It 's why everybody later thought it was some kind of disease . It was the society which was producing the problem . If somebody had just said to us - - that 's just the way the genes are , don 't worry , just forget it - - it would have been an enormous relief . But nobody with an authoritative voice said that at all , or anything about it . So Bob and I were handling a similar problem but in somewhat different ways . I was already out of high school . I was taking some courses in the local junior college . But he was still in high school . He was very popular , because he was charming and fun , and in those days faggots were unknown . Nobody did stuff like that . He tried to brush me off , finally , after a few months . I remember going at night and standing outside his window . He was upstairs . Doing that lovelorn stuff . But we did get that affair a little bit back on the road later on . I went home again the next summer . My dad had gotten rid of Mrs . Rankin . But he 'd also lost his job . He was in desperate circumstances . So I went down to visit a friend and her family who wanted to go to California , but none of them had ever learned to drive . I said , " If you 'll take me along and feed me , I 'll drive . " We set out for California . I remember driving on Highway 66 until we came to Santa Monica by the Pacific Ocean . This was before the war , 1938 . I decided to go back to Ogden . I took [ my friend 's brother ] , Robbie , with me . He wanted to get out of there . He was another handsome , big , wonderful kid who was straight as an arrow . We lived for a year , the two of us in a room . That drove me crazy . Man , it was awful . I never did anything about it . After that year , I went back down to Los Angeles . Robbie and I were driving through Oxnard when it came over the radio that the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor . So of course , Robbie and I both raced down to the marines recruiting station . I was nineteen and he was about seventeen . He got in instantly . He was this big , strapping kid . But I was very near - sighted . The marines were very picky . They didn 't take any near - sighted guys . So they wouldn 't take me . Thank God . He ended up on Guadacanal , and went through the whole Guadacanal campaign and didn 't get a scratch physically . I tried to get into the navy and they wouldn 't take me . During the year of 1942 , I got a job in Los Angeles . Then I decided to go back to Oklahoma City and work at another job for awhile . At the end of November of that year , I finally went ahead and enlisted in the army . I don 't know why my draft number never came up . I just joined up . During all that time , nothing else happened that was particularly related to my being gay . I got sent to the infantry down in Texas . As soon as I got there , it turned out that they didn 't have any company clerks . So only about two weeks after I got there they made me a company clerk , which meant that I became a corporal almost instantly . I didn 't have to do anything but sit around the office and type . A couple of months later , they took all the guys with high IQs and gave them this aptitude test . They pulled me out of there and sent me to what was called the Star Unit at Stillwater , Oklahoma . There they sorted everybody out by giving us more aptitude tests , and I ended up in Berkeley in a situation where we were to study the Chinese language and the history and geography of the Far East . We were to be sent as interpreters to the American forces in Chungking , where the government was at that time , because the Japanese had driven them inland . We lived in a fraternity house , thirty - seven guys , half of us learning Chinese , and half Japanese . There are some poignant little things about that . First of all , there was a kid there , whom I instantly fell in love with , and we became best friends . He 's still alive . He was also straight . He lives down in San Diego . He 's retired . I got along fine with everybody in that situation . It was a wonderful year . We spent a whole year there right in the middle of the war , studying Chinese . Since we are talking about the vicissitudes of being homosexual , there is a little story that I must tell you . One of the guys of these thirty - seven was very effeminate . Nowadays , it 's hard to imagine what the situation was like . Nobody was out . Nobody went around cross - dressing or doing that stuff , or just being out . There wasn 't any of that ! Well , this kid was a very willowy , unattractive - looking , obviously very gay guy . He was so different from everybody else . He just couldn 't relate to the rest of the group . He did relate to me , and he fell in love with me . I felt an enormous amount of empathy and sadness for him . The rest of us would go out and drink beer , go to San Francisco to the bars , and have the kind of fun that soldiers had , always in a bunch . He never did any of that . He 'd stay in the fraternity house and walk around up on the third floor , all by himself , singing songs from Oklahoma ! which was the big show of the time . I spent a lot of time with him because I had great compassion for his plight . I have love letters that he wrote later on , extensively . That was very sad . He was so totally trapped by the cultural situation . I have been in touch with him all the rest of his life . I got a letter from him last Christmas . He lives in Chicago and has an apartment on Lakeshore Drive , so he must have done pretty well financially . He 's still writing me letters and cards , always signed " love , " after all these years . Shipley : I imagine he came out at some point , but if he had any kind of a functional relationship with another guy , he never mentioned it to me , and there 's no reason why he wouldn 't . He used to come out to Berkeley when he had a vacation from his job , and visit . Even after I was married , he 'd come and see us . But I wrote him a card last Christmas , and he was always very good about answering , and I haven 't heard from him . There 's nobody there who would tell me . He was up in his eighties . I 'll be eighty in a couple of months . He was a few years older than me . The last thing he wrote was pretty valiant . He was saying , " The doctors are crazy , " I knew that he was very bad off . I 'm afraid he 's dead . But I don 't know how to find out , because I don 't know anybody out there to write to . That was going on . Meanwhile , I was mooning over a guy who was straight . We were great friends . People buddy up in the army , and we were really great buddies , but of course he was straight . So again , [ laughter ] I finally came out to him . We agreed we 'd come back to Berkeley together and go to school . So we did . And he got out before I did , because he fought his way all the way across Europe . You know , that big push to get to Berlin and all that . Well , what happened to me was that they shipped us all back . They didn 't send us to China , didn 't use us as interpreters , just sent us back to the infantry . Apparently the army just lost track of what they were doing . And it was even more ludicrous , because I was a sergeant . We were all floating around . About half the guys that had been there had been sent to Camp Cook near Lompoc , California . We were just hanging out because we didn 't fit into the table of organization . I was working in the battalion office because I could type , and a circular came in from the army saying , we are desperately in need of interpreters , for someone to go to China and be with the American forces in China . I went to the personnel officer and said , " Sir , look at this . There are a whole bunch of guys in this regiment who can do this . " " Oh yes , Shipley . Yes , I 'll do that . " He never did it . I reminded him three or four times , and he never did it . So finally I wrote a letter myself ( and this is death in the army ) , to the Adjutant General 's office in Washington , and explained that there were these guys there . Well , what they did next was , first there were orders ordering me , but nobody else to go to China as an interpreter , but they ignored the other guys . Then the other thing that came through was a letter to the battalion commander saying , " How is it that you let this man write letters to Washington ? " So they broke me from a sergeant and put me down to a private on KP , and sent me out to Fort Ord , as a replacement . I was there for a long time . I found out that the orders had been cancelled to China because I was no longer a sergeant . I had become a regular infantry replacement to be sent to the Pacific . Remember , I had no basic training . Remember , I was made a corporal so fast . Well , I shipped out with a whole bunch of guys on a boat , and they were mostly taken out of the stockades in this country . They were a tough bunch . It didn 't take me long to figure out that my situation was dire . I had no training , and replacements typically live about ten days , the situation being that there 's this bunch of guys , and they 've been together since they first went in the army . Say you 've got a squad - - that 's six guys . Then they go and get into battle , and one of them gets killed , and he 's a big tight friend with these other guys . They 've all been bonding . So he 's dead , and they 're all mourning . Then they send in some guy that nobody ever saw before . The only way you can survive in battle is by helping each other . They just forget these replacements . Well , I knew all this when I got to Hawaii , to Oahu . We were all sent up there as a temporary place to live . My problem was , how do I keep from getting killed ? So I came up with a plan . Now , I 've not told anybody much about this before , but it has to do with what we 're talking about . I decided that the alternative to getting killed might have to be that I 'd get a dishonorable discharge from the army . So I went to the chaplain , and I told the chaplain that I was homosexual . He was a fuddy - duddy creature from Tennessee , and he said , " Oh yeah . I used to know a feller that was like that . " I said , " Well , I don 't think it 's a good idea for me to be . . . " I was absolutely , totally capable of behaving correctly in the army and not doing anything , but I said , " I don 't think I ought to be around here . I can hardly stand it , " and all this crap . He said , " Well , I 'll see what I can do about that . " I thought , well , it doesn 't look like I 've really accomplished anything here . I went back to the barracks . In a couple of days , I was called out to go to a psychiatrist that they had in the medical center . I went to see this psychiatrist and he said , " So . You 're homosexual ? " I said , " Yes . " And he said ( I 've never told anybody this before ) , " Well , what exactly do you do ? " [ laughter ] I said , " Well . . . " You can see that I 'm embarrassed right now by this ridiculous situation . But it was a life - and - death matter . He was very nice , this guy . So we talked about it , and he asked me questions about how I was about getting on with the other guys , and without lying to him I tried to make it seem like I had a problem . I really didn 't have a problem . Because like anybody , most of the people around you are not driving you crazy with desire . But I had the interview and left . About a week later , orders came down to disconnect me from this situation I was in , and send me to Admiral Nimitz 's fleet headquarters at Pearl Harbor as the librarian for the army officers . I don 't to this day know whether they did that because they checked my credentials , or whether it was because I saw that psychiatrist . But one way or another , I got pulled out of that situation , and got put into one of the softest jobs possible for an enlisted man in the whole Pacific . I was there the rest of the war . It was nine months more before the end of the war . Life was very nice there because at least half the enlisted men in that place were gay . The people who knew how to type , who were good with books , who were sort of pleasant to get on with . You can see how it would come out that way . Nice guys . A whole bunch of very charming , sweet guys . When the war was over we couldn 't go home , because all the guys who had been in combat had to go home first . It took a long time to haul them all out of the Pacific . So I spent nine more months in Hawaii . I was on the staff of the Stars and Stripes , which was the army newspaper . I had a place to live in the YMCA . No officers were telling us what to do . I had my own room . I began then to really learn what it was like to be gay . There were guys around and I began to get into it . Shipley : Not gay bars . No . But there were all these guys in this YMCA , in the showers and in the pool . There were some very charming things that happened simply because of the naivet ' of everybody . They were trying to think of ways to help guys pass the time until they could go home . There was a guy who was a choreographer , an enlisted man . They let him start a class to teach all these soldiers and sailors how to ballroom dance , because a lot of them didn 't know . But they had no girls around , so we had to ballroom dance with each other ! [ laughter ] Everybody was so naive , but it was wonderful fun . All these guys going around . In Honolulu the nights were just unbelievable , guys wandering all over the place . In those days , the big problem that gay guys had was to try to keep cheerful . It was so easy to get depressed . You were locked in this peculiar , dead - end situation . As soon as I got home , I went to see my folks briefly . Then I went back to [ UC ] Berkeley and started regular school , and finished up . The spring of 1948 is when I graduated from Berkeley . There used to be a men 's swimming pool ( it 's now been filled in ) ; guys would go out there , and there was a huge place to lie around on the sides . I ran into a guy there named Jerry Davis , and we started dating . The first thing we did was go to the city and see Beauty and the Beast . It had just come out . And after a certain amount of time we finally figured out that we loved each other . We were together for fourteen years . After I graduated that spring , we decided we 'd take our bicycles and ride back to Lawton , Oklahoma from Berkeley . So we did . We rode all the way down the coast to Los Angeles , and then across the southern route through Arizona , New Mexico , and Texas . It took us about two months , but we got back there on bicycles . You couldn 't do it now . In those days everybody was so nice about things . We 'd just get off the road if there was a pleasant little spot with some trees and grass , and roll out our sleeping bags and sleep there at night . Nobody ever would bother us . But many people in the little towns were upset because we were wearing shorts , and in those days men did not wear shorts , ever ! Except maybe on a tennis court . The idea of anybody going out on the street in public in shorts was out . But we were on these bicycles going across the desert . Anyway , we wanted to wear shorts . We had that kind of narcissism . We were both young , good - looking , healthy , and well - built and all that . We rode three - speed Schwinns . We got in enormously good condition . It was a great adventure and of course we bonded like mad . We were together for fourteen years . We spent the winter in Lawton . The next spring we came back out to Berkeley . I started graduate work at UC Berkeley in anthropology , and it didn 't go well because I got into trouble with a couple of the professors , whom I really think were mean about academic things . During the time I was a graduate student , Jerry and I lived in a little apartment about four or five blocks from the campus , on Walnut Street , and there were a whole bunch of other people that lived in this house , and another house behind it . The graduate student in the front apartment was Barbara Bartle , the woman whom I finally ended up marrying . Everybody in that house bonded together , but Jerry and I were together , and we weren 't really looking for sexual adventures anymore . We had a fine time . There was a guy upstairs named Bob who had a lot of money . His father was rich . We all decided that what we wanted to do was to leave this culture behind , especially because in those days the United States and Russia were acting like they were going to bomb each other . It was the Cold War . It was the common belief that if atomic bombs were dropped they would not cause problems in the Southern Hemisphere . If you stayed out of America , Europe , and China , you were safe . So we decided we were all going to leave the country , after a period of saying , " Let 's all start a colony in lower California and be away from everybody . " College kids often get into this . I managed to get the promise of a job in Rio , in Brazil . We all went down to Nogales on a train . What we were going to do was go to Vera Cruz in Mexico , and try to get on a ship . In those days it was very expensive to fly . Bob had money but nobody else did . We all went down to Mexico City . When we got down to Vera Cruz , we found out that there was no shipping between Vera Cruz and Brazil . So we went clear back up to New Orleans , hung out on the docks there , and finally got on an old Norwegian steamer that took us from New Orleans to Rio . It took twenty - three days of floating along . The three of us lived in Rio for a year . I worked there for a bi - national project to teach English classes to Brazilians . I also got a job with the national radio . There was a young woman there who had been five years with the BBC in London learning about radio . She was the director of this section of government . She hired me to do radio programs . And you know , this is hard to be clear about still , but in my experience , homosexual men are very different from one another in what it is that attracts them . There 're some gay men who can get on very well with women . Under certain circumstances , it 's a very pleasant and seductive idea for me . She and I got into a charming and delightful love affair . It was one of the great events of my life . She was so charming and so much fun . She loved me . It 's unfair to not put that into the mix . I know lots of gay guys who have no ability to relate to women at all . I have one friend who tells me that women are like blank places in space for him , which is a very curious idea for me . It 's never been like that for me . Of course , Jerry was with me . So this got a little strange . But he went with it . That 's another thing of course , is this notion of fidelity . That 's kind of complicated , I think . Always has been . After a year in Brazil , Jerry and I came back . Then I worked in Berkeley on Telegraph Avenue , for a place called Fraser 's , which was a very elegant store full of avant garde furniture and glass from Sweden . I had dropped out of graduate school . I wasn 't in school at all . I was the floor manager of this store . A year went by , and I was thinking , I 'm really into a dead - end here . We had lots of friends . Jerry and I had other gay couples that we knew . We had a nice social life . But what was I doing ? There was no future , really . One day I was down in the stock room talking to the stock clerk , who was a really nice , smart guy . He had found out that there was a new department of linguistics getting started on the Berkeley campus , that it was for graduate students , and that they had succeeded in getting the state legislature to put up an annual fund of money . It was $ 10 , 000 , which was like $ 100 , 000 now . This was to train graduate students in linguistics to go out in California and learn and record Native California languages . So that 's what we all did . It was run by a wonderful woman , who was not the easiest person to get along with , but who was a genius , Mary Haas . At the time she was the only female faculty member on the Berkeley faculty . She did it out of sheer brilliance . They would have been idiots not to hire her . Isn 't that something ? This was 1953 . So Stuart Fletcher , who was the guy from the loading dock , and I , got into that graduate program . And in a year or so , after I 'd had enough training in phonetics and field methods , I had to pick a group in California and go and work with them . I picked the Northeastern Maidu , who live up by Mount Lassen . Actually , the people I learned from didn 't live there at the time . They lived much closer to Red Bluff . They lived up a ways into the foothills from Red Bluff , in a little place called Payne 's Creek . I went up there . That was a marvelous experience , being admitted inside the framework of Native American life , even though it was much changed from the old days . Of course my main teacher was half - white , and only half - Maidu , genetically . She and her mother , who was full - blood Maidu , spoke the language fluently and talked that way with each other all of the time . So I learned it , and at the same time I had this wonderful social experience . They stopped acting like I was a white guy . We had meals together . I was hanging around the house . I had my own place to live further up in the mountains . We became enormously good friends . It was so great . It was the greatest thing , because with many Native Americans , not necessarily everybody , because they are individuals like anybody else , there 's a kind of validity that 's under there somewhere . I think it must be because they 've been pushed around so much . In fact , I 've often thought that there are some similarities to being gay . Because they 've got to deal with this thing . They can 't not be Indians , right ? Shipley : Yes , I think that helped me with this work . Until the early - to middle - twentieth century , being gay was a crime . Not so much being gay , but if you did anything about it , it was a crime . So the first thing that guys felt was that they were criminals because they absolutely couldn 't stop themselves . After that , there was a long stretch [ where it was considered a mental illness ] , and I went to a psychiatrist for years , which was stupid . That was the stage I was in the 1950s , when I was working up there with the Maidu . [ The definition ] didn 't seem right , because I knew I was alert , and intelligent , and functional . I could run up and down the mountains , and I could relate to people , and make everything work out all right . So it was hard to know what was ill about it , but nevertheless , it was a kind of general notion that was floating around , and most gay guys , I think , fell for it , which kept that residue of sadness . I finally got my doctorate in 1959 , and almost immediately I got hired onto the UC Berkeley faculty as an assistant professor . Jerry and I were still together , but around about that time , around 1959 and 1960 , we were not having a great time with each other . I was a linguist consultant for a psychiatrist at Langley Porter , a psychiatric clinic attached to the UC Medical Center in San Francisco . Barbara had gotten her M . D . degree in Philadelphia . She was a six - year resident at the Langley Porter institute at that time . Since I was working with one of the faculty members at the time , I was over there once a week . We had known each other from that house in Berkeley . We started going out for lunch . In spite of the fact that Jerry and I were still physically together , that had become sort of routine . So she and I started going out more than just for lunch . By that time , I had a real job as an assistant professor . We took some trips up in the mountains , and just gradually worked our way into a relationship . I got a Guggenheim fellowship in late 1961 , for 1962 . It involved me going to Europe for some months . I went to the University of Copenhagen . There had been a Danish linguist who had written a theory of linguistics that nobody understood . He had died , but I was going to go talk to his sidekick who was alive , and try to find out about this theory , because he had worked with the Southern Maidu . The plan was that Barbara would join me in Rome that spring . I was in Copenhagen , and it was winter , and I was cold , and my father had died , and I was miserable . So I jumped in my Austin Healy and drove like mad across Europe , down into Italy . Barbara joined me , and we went to Greece . Barbara 's relatives all came from Copenhagen so we ended up in Copenhagen . While we were in Geneva , my daughter Betsy was conceived . By the time we got to Copenhagen , Barbara , who was a doctor , already knew she was pregnant . We bought rings in Copenhagen , and decided to get married . When we got back over here , my problem was , should I tell her about myself ? I was still going to this goddamned psychiatrist , who was really a monster , as it turned out . I think some of those guys were monsters in those days . Information was so hard to get , still , even though it was a lot better then than when I was a little kid . Barbara was pregnant . But that wasn 't what was driving me . I really wanted to be a daddy and have a family . The only way I could think of to do that was by getting married . Shipley : No , there were no arrangements then about anything . If you were gay and you wanted to have kids , you had to get married . I was not averse to that , as I 've explained . Having relationships with women is okay with me . I had a dream that I was in a tuxedo driving along in my Austin Healy . This is unbelievable , but the psychiatrist said , " That shows that your marriage will work out all right . " I know it is hard for young people to understand this now , but I fell for that . Partly because I wanted to do it , but partly because I thought this guy had the con on what to do . So we went ahead and got married , and had Betsy early the next year in 1963 . A year later I had a son , who now works down in Hollywood . So we had these two kids . And then my life for eighteen years was essentially the life of a married man . We lived for a year in Berkeley after we married and bought a house . Then I got wind of what was going on down here at UC Santa Cruz . They were just beginning to build this campus . They had built Natural Sciences , and the Field House , and nothing else . I came down to talk about coming here . Clark Kerr and Dean McHenry were the two main guys . They were talking about how there were going to be no grades and small classes . A lot of things never actually worked out , but the idea worked out . I was the undergraduate major adviser at Berkeley for the linguistics major , and I was teaching all the big courses . That 's what they sometimes do to assistant professors , make them teach all the introductory courses . At Berkeley , I had 600 people in the introductory course in linguistics . So I knew a lot about the pedagogical problems of the University . One of the great curses was grades . At Berkeley , and any university at the time , you had to figure out some way to get a number for everybody , and grade on the curve . After all these years , and all these experiences with universities , I still think that 's a bad idea . What the hell does that mean ? The kids would come in to see me and they 'd say , " Look , I got a composite score of ninety , and my friend John got a score of ninety - two , and he got an A , and I got a B . " The idea that you could work somewhere where that didn 't go on was immensely enticing to me because it fit my temperament very well . I had an upper - division course in linguistics the last semester I taught at Berkeley . I had forty or fifty students in there . When I began the course , I knew I was going to come to UC Santa Cruz the next fall . So I said , " I 'm going to leave and go to Santa Cruz next fall , and I want you all to know that if you do anything at all in this class you are going to get an A . I 'm going to give everybody an A unless they just leave . " I loved doing that . All the kids loved it . I came down here . I didn 't come the first year . The first year there was only Cowell College . There were no buildings so they lived in trailers by the Field House . Their classes were all held there . They tried to get me to come down the first year , because both McHenry and Page Smith , who was the provost of Cowell at the time , wanted me to come down . But they had a rider on it . They wanted me to take over running the language teaching program . It 's now called language studies . I didn 't want to do that because I still don 't see language teaching and language learning as linguistics . It 's not linguistics . I wouldn 't do that . So they didn 't hire anybody to do that at the time . But the next year they were starting Stevenson College . Charles Page , who was the first Stevenson provost , got in touch with me and I went down and talked to him . They would hire me without the language rider . So I came down at the beginning of the second year to Stevenson College when it first started . The first year or so we did all the things that we had planned to do . There were lots of independent studies . Sometimes I 'd have twelve or fifteen independent studies , as well as the classes I was teaching . We were very loose and free . Of course this was in the context of the middle - and late - 1960s , which were beginning to emerge . In fact , I think we may have been a kind of harbinger of some of that [ social change ] . Alfred Kroeber , a famous professor of anthropology at Berkeley , was a mentor of mine . Remember I told you about the little bunch of soldiers studying Chinese ? Well , that whole program was run by Kroeber . So I first knew him when I was twenty one years old , and he was still in his early sixties . Later on , when I was in linguistics he had retired , and he was in his eighties by then , but he was on my dissertation committee . So his grandson showed up in those early years at Stevenson College , and the grandson , whose name was Karl Kroeber , was a very charming , funny guy . He had a pickup truck , and what he wanted to do was build a log cabin on the back of his pickup truck . He wanted to get independent study credit . So I said sure . It was like that . I went off on sabbatical in 1968 - 1969 , to Yugoslavia . I had a Fulbright . That was the time , I feel , that things began to unravel [ at UCSC ] about the idealistic , totally different way of looking at everything , certainly by the 1970s . There was one big flaw in the old system that I suffered from and lots of people did . That was that half of the budget that you had for hiring new faculty was controlled by one of the colleges . 1 It was like somebody tore a dollar bill in two , and gave you half . In order to hire anybody you had to get them to agree to match . Well , several really good people applied to be hired in linguistics , people who were really great , good linguists , and would have added a lot to the texture and quality of the linguistics program . But I couldn 't hire them because the relevant college didn 't like them . The colleges had different criteria . I remember one guy who was here for awhile as an assistant professor of linguistics . That was College Five , which is now Porter . They agreed to hire him because he knew how to make harpsichords . It made it very tough to get anyone . I had some really dreadful experiences with young junior faculty who were really not who I would have hired at all , had I had control of the situation . Shipley : I was it . For a while I was the only linguist . Then they started putting out these slots for new linguists , but they were always this half - and - half arrangement . It put me , and I 'm sure a lot of other people , into a double bind that they really couldn 't cope with . If you 're supposed to put together a good board , you have to have some kind of consistent idea in your head of what it is that you are trying to do . And if you are always having to conform to a bunch of other stuff over here that isn 't related to what you are doing . . . It was a hopeless mess . I hit my low point in the middle - 1970s , because I was struggling with the problem of a very bad appointment in linguistics . Well , everything got very bad . Now there are nothing but new people so it doesn 't matter anymore , but the trouble with new people coming in was that their whole world view was different from the old - timers who had been around here . The reason I came down here from Berkeley was because of the things that made this place different . Those things were disappearing . Shipley : Yes , and I often thought to myself , I 'm a damn fool . I should have stayed in Berkeley . UC Berkeley is a great world university , and there I was , voluntarily giving up an appointment on the Berkeley campus to come down to UCSC . Now the reason I came had just fizzled away . There was so much emotion . People would come in and make awful messes out of everybody 's feelings , because they didn 't understand why it was that people did things the way they did them , because they didn 't know what this place had been like . Chancellor Sinsheimer did try to close the linguistics board down . During that time , I was still going to a psychiatrist . I was so nerve - wracked by what was going on [ in linguistics ] , that my psychiatrist was medicating me to calm me down . Halverson used to drive me up there . He was in Berkeley . Barbara and I were having troubles communicating . I was just overwhelmed . All this stuff at UCSC about changing the tenor of the University was driving me crazy . Linguistics was taken entirely out of my hands . They appointed a statewide committee of linguists to come here and solve the problem . They hired the people who are here now , or the beginnings of them , Jorge Hankamer , mainly . They started a whole new program in theoretical linguistics . Where they left me was kind of like when I was in that regiment in the army after I left Berkeley . I didn 't have any role to play anymore in the department , except to teach the introductory courses . I taught a course in Indo - European comparative linguistics and things like that , but for the rest of the time before I retired ( which was another ten years or so ) , they had a graduate program . They had graduate students . I had had graduate students writing dissertations at Berkeley , but I never had a graduate student here . I was marginalized . But I must say in all fairness that all of those people were very nice to me and always had been . They treated me well . The only one I see now is Bill Ladusaw , because he 's gay , of course . The old UCSC dream was gone by the end of the 1970s , really gone . None of the people down there now has any connection with the old days . They are all nice people in the department , and I want to make sure that nobody thinks that I don 't admire them . But they had nothing to do with the original plan . That is one of the symptoms of the great tragedy of this place . It 's now more or less , as far as I can see , ten years after I retired , just like any good university . It has departments and regular programs and grades . Shipley : Yes , in 1981 , we had been married for eighteen years , and we decided to split up . We had problems communicating . I moved out and I started renting places to live in the early - 1980s . Barbara kept the house . She was the campus psychiatrist . There 's a picture of her in the front of the Cowell Health Center . She was the campus psychiatrist from the time we came down here . Then in January 1986 , we got a divorce . In 1987 Barbara got cancer . She got cancer in May and she died in September . Shipley : Well , I knew it happened . Of course it didn 't affect me much , because I was living the life of a paterfamilias at the time . I had a wife and kids . Shipley : Yes . Yes it did . It 's very hard for young gay folks to understand that I got conditioned about all these things when I was a young kid , and that was way back in the 1930s and 1940s , when it was like I was some monster from outer space . I had no idea what was going on about me . I remember when I was in high school , some friends of mine had found these girls who were willing to do it . And I got trapped in the car with them and one of these girls was cuddling up to me and the other two guys were doing it in the car . It was totally without any interest for me at all . I found all that kind of repulsive . There are still a few people I 'm kind of wary of in terms of ever bringing up these matters . But I don 't hide out from anybody anymore . And my kids pretty much understand . Shipley : Well , there was Bill Dickinson , but he was in the first bunch who went through here . Do you know Marc Okrand ? Marc Okrand is the guy who wrote the Klingon language that they use in Star Trek . He was a linguistics major here . He was gay . He knew about me when he was here . But Mark is an exceptionally well - balanced , calm , so - what kind of guy about the whole thing . He lives in Washington , D . C . , and has a permanent boyfriend . But he went to school here , and he 's kept close in touch with me ever since . He was sitting at a bar in Los Angeles one night and a guy next to him was saying , " I don 't know what we are going to do about this Klingon language . " They were making the first Star Trek movie . Mark said , " I can do that ! " Any linguist can make up a language that works . I knew he was gay at the time he was here . In fact , there was a big draft problem at the time . Mark is about five foot , two inches and he weighed in those days about 115 pounds . Well , the draft situation was that if you weighed less than 110 pounds , you could get out of the draft . So Mark and I were having these discussions . Should he tell them he was gay ? At that time , we were a little worried about what that might mean for his future , if that information got recorded by the army . So we decided that what he ought to do is go the other route . He fasted for two weeks before he went to the physical and he was down to 109 . He got out of the draft that way . I never was known well enough in that way that kids would think of me as a kind of gay mentor . My classes had nothing to do with this subject . David Thomas taught classes with gay content . He 's always been much braver than I am . It was fine . Nobody ever did anything to him for it that was bad . But he was always known to be gay . Shipley : Yes . I feel a little bit like keeping the barriers up . I feel like a tortoise out of its shell . My kids and everybody say no , no you don 't have to do that . But a lot of it is about early conditioning . I 'm strongly in agreement with the fact that all of the hard - core stuff in our personalities , certainly including sexual orientation , are genetic . It 's in the hard drive , if you are talking computers , and the idea that you have any way to change it , or modify it , or be somebody different is just out of the question . Still , there is another kind of conditioning that comes from things that you do habitually for protection in your youth . I still think , God , I shouldn 't talk about that because somebody will wap me , or something bad will happen , which I can 't even maybe identify or describe . Of course , people my age will soon disappear from the scene and that will be over with entirely . © 2003 - Out in the Redwoods © 2004 by the Regents of the University of California . Edited by Irene Reti . Any reproduction of these interviews , including electronic reproduction , is prohibited by United States copyright law . |
This has been a miserable year . It would be too depressing to go through the list of reasons , but we can agree that Marlene 's and Dad 's deaths would rank as the top two on the list . All the other things just compounded the sadness and stress . I hated 2011 and am quite glad today is New Year 's Eve . I just want to eliminate so many unhappy memories , but I know that 's not possible . They say that what doesn 't kill you is supposed to make you stronger , but I would like to opt out of that concept . I don 't want to get any stronger in 2012 . What I want for our family , and what I wish for you , is peace and happiness in 2012 . Posted by We try to expose the girls to as much as possible . We figure if you live in the Chicago area , you should take advantage of the opportunities the area provides . I have to admit we all seemed to agree with the blond twin . There was a really cool exhibit in the foyer called Sonic Arboretum . It featured a collection of horned speakers , creating a sound garden playing an original work designed just for the foyer 's acoustics . What did we learn ? I was glad the museum was packed because I like the idea of a modern art museum , even if modern art isn 't our taste . Still , I 'm glad we went to expose the girls to the concept . It 's great to have the opportunity to visit so many different art museums and learn about our personal and family preferences for future outings . " I made you all presents , " announced the blond twin . She wrapped special items from around the house for each of us . She included a few coins as well . She wrote lovely poems in each card . The brunette twin opened her package to find her favorite joke book . She shrieked like it was the most exciting book ever , even though she 's been reading it for a year . Overheard at Our House Christmas Morning " See , Santa doesn 't listen to parents . He always gets us what we want , " said the brunette twin after opening presents . For months Mom and Dad said , " No DS games in this house . " Despite that parental stand , Santa brought the DS that she and her sister listed as their number one item in their letters to Santa . " Oh , Shari . It 's beautiful , " Mom said when she opened her gift from us . I made a quilt from Dad 's shirt sleeves so he could still put his arms around her . It was the only moment I saw her tear up the whole day . Overheard at Our House Christmas Evening " This is the best Christmas ever , " said the blond twin . You know what ? She was right . I was worried it would be sad since both Dad and Marlene died this year , but it wasn 't . We were all together and ready to put the sadness of the past year behind us . I know New Year 's Eve is the official time to start fresh , but we did our best to start fresh on Christmas . It was a really nice , relaxing , laughter - filled Christmas . The girls are nervous . They pretend not to be , but they are worried . A few weeks ago they bought us presents from their school 's holiday shop . They excitedly wrapped them and put them under the tree . Several times since then they 've asked , " Are you buying us presents ? There 's nothing under the tree with our names . You have presents . Aren 't we getting anything ? " We find it quite entertaining . First , we didn 't plan to start this angst , but it works in our favor . Whenever they are misbehaving we remind them that they don 't have any presents under the tree yet . Second , they waiver between " of course Mom and Dad are buying us presents aren 't they ? " and " when are you going to wrap our presents ? " For whatever reason they really have a lingering doubt that we 're going to buy them presents . It 's interesting to listen to them try to explain the lack of presents . The girls have been begging for bangs for a while now . I resisted because I know bangs = ongoing maintenance . After months and months and months of reminding me that I promised to think about it , I finally called them into the bathroom . I took the scissors and cut their bangs . They giggled and kept trying to look at their hair while I snipped . The brunette twin turned her head at just the wrong moment . I snipped the hair a bit shorter than planned . The blond twin stood " like a statue " when it was her turn . Her bangs fell right where I planned . They were so happy to have bangs they couldn 't stop looking at them . They still walk by the mirror and admire their bangs . I 'm happy that they 're happy for now . Who knew something so little could make them so happy ? I have what would politely be called messy handwriting . I could give a long list of reasons from being left - handed to never really caring . My handwriting is so distinctive that few people need to look at the mailing label to know an envelop is from me . Imagine my surprise when the blond twin said , " Hey Mom , does this look like your name ? " She had copied my first name from my signature on her assignment notebook . It was a perfect copy . I could say I 'll clean - up my handwriting so it 's not so easy to copy , but odds aren 't good that 's going to happen at this point . It 's more likely start signing school forms with my first and last name . Eventually she 'll master that too , but at least it will buy me some time . At the Chicago Moms / Chicagonista holiday party , Timetoplaymag . com Editor in Chief Jim Silver pulled up a chair to chat about what was hot for kids this year . He asked what was in our girls ' letter to Santa . I replied , " More than they will get , of course . " I thought about it a lot since the party last night . First , Jim had a great idea about the list . I tend to say that they should only put what they really , really want on a list . Something like , " Santa cannot bring you everything because there are so many kids in the world " is usually part of the conversation . After thinking about what Jim said , I think I 'll ask the girls for more . I think that limiting their lists builds their expectations . The girls wear glasses to school . They have very weak prescriptions , so they don 't wear them when they are running around on the playground . They do have to wear them in class or when they are reading at home . The blond twin couldn 't find either pair of her glasses . It was an interesting development since she supposedly wore one pair at school yesterday . She frantically ran from place to place looking for either pair of glasses . She prefers the blue frames , but was desperate to find either pair . The brunette twin handed me her glasses to clean . She was a little smug because she had her glasses and her twin couldn 't find either pair . The brunette twin put the clean glasses on her face and walked away . A few minutes later I said , " Where are your glasses ? " The brunette twin looked at me and said , " I don 't know . " Somehow between her trip from the kitchen to the powder room to the dining room , she took off her glasses . Not only did she put them down , but she didn 't remember doing it . She started looking for her glasses . A few minutes later she announced , " It 's the strangest thing . I cannot find my glasses . " Yes , she lost her glasses . No , I don 't know why she took them off her face and neither did she . We were all looking for any of the missing glasses when the clock chimed . We had to leave for school . It was too late to keep looking . I don 't know what they think they are doing after school , but there will be no fun for them until they find their glasses . In fact , there might not be any fun even if they find their glasses . Posted by I was at a Christmas party last night when I realized I couldn 't find my coat check ticket . I dumped my purse and still couldn 't find the little pink ticket . When I talked to the coat check woman , she said , " Can you identify the coat ? " Sure , it 's a long , black wool coat . I described the collar and buttons . She still had multiple coats that fit the description . She asked , " Do you know the brand ? " I had to admit I owned the coat for so long I just didn 't remember . Then I remembered something unusual about my coat . I said , " I have plastic bags in the pockets . " She said , " What ? " I replied , " We have a dog and I have plastic bags in the pockets . " She laughed as she went through the pockets of the coats she thought were most likely mine . She handed me the coat and said , " Well , that 's the most unique way to describe a coat . " I 've come the the realization that I cannot multitask anymore . I realize numerous studies have shown that you 're not really more effective when you multitask , but I still continued to try . If I have to sit on a two hour conference call , shouldn 't I be able to answer emails , write blog posts and shop online as well ? The problem is my memory isn 't very good when I multitask . Unless I 'm truly focusing on something , I forget that I 've done it . There are lots of examples . I keep putting the same entry in the checkbook multiple times . It seems that I put in the entry when we spend the money and when it clears the account . I cannot count the number of times I 've gotten in the van and then gotten out to make sure I 've really locked the front door . There will still be some multitasking . I 'll make dinner and listen to the girls practice piano for example . Maybe I 'll still answer emails while I 'm on conference calls . It 's just that for important things , I need to start concentrating . I think it 's one more sign of my old age catching up with me . When we brought Oreo home , he didn 't want to go into his crate . He spent nearly two months locked in a crate in the animal shelter . The first night we put him in the crate , he tried to break out . For the first few nights , I would wake up at night from the noise he made trying to get out . Eventually he settled into his crate . He dutifully went in every night right after his last bathroom break outside . He would walk right in the door and into the crate . When the weather was bad , we 'd find him huddled in the crate . Lately he has been spending more time in the girls ' room after they go to sleep . He 'd stay up there on the rug next to their bunkbed long after they went to sleep . It 's almost as if he thought he 'd get to stay there if he was quiet . Every night we 'd call him downstairs and he 's sleep in the crate . Everything changed Thanksgiving week . Oreo was sick . The kind of icky dog sick that resulted in lots of messy clean - ups . One night I awoke to hear him howling in the middle of the night . He 'd never done this before , so I came downstairs . He was huddled in the corner with a mess in his crate . I took him outside , cleaned - up the crate and went back to bed . He slept at the top of the stairs while his crate dried and his blanket was washed . The next night he went back in the crate . A couple of nights later I heard him howling again . I went downstairs to see him trying not to step in the mess . I took him outside and cleaned the crate again . He ran upstairs and slept at the top of the stairs . When I crawled back into bed I told my husband that I just hoped Oreo didn 't get sick on the carpet before we woke up . He didn 't get sick on the carpet . He did run downstairs and get sick in the foyer , a place he 'd been sick previously that week . Since I had seen it enough during the day , I 'm pretty sure he was sitting next to the front door when he got sick . It was his standard place to say , " Um , hey . Get me outside now ! " The rest of the week he 'd run to the corner at the top of the stairs when it was bedtime . Eventually we decided to let him spend the night there . We discussed it a lot . Even though everyone told us we 'd eventually be able to get rid of the crate , we were skeptical . We weren 't sure what he would do outside the crate all night . Turns out he positions himself at the top of the stairs and he stays there until the girls come down in the morning . Even when Tom wakes up and rushes out the door at 5 : 30 a . m . , Oreo stays put . He 's not going anywhere until the girls wake up . I have to admit I don 't miss having the big metal crate in the living room . It 's in the basement , though , just in case we need it again . Posted by When we were kids , my cousins all moved to fun locations that made for great vacation memories . It also meant that when Gramma or Grampa ( on either side ) needed help , they had to call us . They weren 't able to spread the calls among the family because we were it for little things like mowing the lawn or big things like emergency room visits . We never just went over for a visit . There was always an " as long as you are here " list . Mom hated those lists . She 'd always tell us she was never going to make a list like that . We laughed because it seemed like a long time before we 'd have to deal with the possibility . Now that Dad is gone , we are keenly aware that we are treading into new territory with her . It was one thing to offer help when Dad was sick . He wasn 't about to have strangers in his home doing anything . Thankfully my brothers are quite handy . There 's no way I would have been able to fix the leaky shower in the upstairs bathroom or plow the driveway after the blizzard last year . Mom was happy to have the help and Dad was happy not to have strangers around . Now we 're in a new place with Mom . She needs help . There 's no way she can handle the house all by herself . The problem is she doesn 't want to become my Grams who always had a list when you visited . Just the other day she said , " I wish you would just come over to visit . I wish I didn 't always have to ask for help . " It 's important to understand that she wasn 't asking me to repaint the house . She simply needed help getting Christmas decorations down from a cabinet above the fridge . Even with a ladder she 's not tall enough to do it easily . It 's one of the disadvantages of being 4 ' 10 " tall . We 're starting to figure out the system , but not without some growing pains . Last week I called Mom to say I had a few hours and see if she needed help . She said she was fine . A few hours later we make plans to go to a restaurant near her house with friends . I called back and said , " We 'll be down the block about 6 : 00 p . m . Do you want us to come over and do anything since we 're nearby ? " This time she asked us to stop by and move some empty Christmas decoration boxes upstairs and out of the way . What was the difference ? The first call was simply to offer help . With the second call we were going to be in the neighborhood . It was a drive - by , not an intentional destination . At some point we 'll find a way to help Mom and let her keep her independence . It is not easy because every time we help it 's another reminder that Dad isn 't around to help anymore . After more than 50 years , Mom is really on her own . Posted by I was on the phone with my husband when the sound started . It was a small whine that I couldn 't identify at first . It took a minute to realize it was Oreo . The problem was I couldn 't figure out where he was . I walked to the front door and he wasn 't there . I was still on the phone as I wandered the first floor looking behind chairs and under the dining room table to see if he was there . After a few minutes I yelled upstairs to the girls . They couldn 't find him up there either . It wasn 't until I stood in front of the basement door that I solved the mystery . I opened the door to see Oreo sitting in the dark on the top stair just whining . His ears were down as he jumped through the door . I told my husband that I don 't know how he ended up locked in the basement . A little later that morning , I went downstairs and found lots of dog food on the stairs . When the brunette twin brought up his morning meal , she must have dropped some on the stairs . My best guess is he went down the stairs to clean - up the mess and ended up behind a closed door . Oreo has never been fond of the basement . He will go down a few stairs if we 're in the basement , but he doesn 't usually wander around by himself . Somehow I doubt this latest incident will help with that fear . " You 're punishing us for being sick , " was the last thing the blond twin yelled at me before she stomped up the stairs this morning . I replied , " Nope . Sick girls don 't get to play . If you stay home from school , you have to spend your time in bed , resting . It 's what sick kids do . " The girls had a very fun Thanksgiving break . We topped off the long weekend with a trip downtown to see the decorations and have dinner at Macy 's Walnut Room . It was all great until we came home . Last night the girls just lost their minds . They were so tired they could hardly get themselves ready for bed . They complained about headaches and sore throats . A few fake coughs were thrown in for effect . I don 't think they are sick today as much as they are so overtired they just cannot function . I let them stay home from school because they both complained about their stomachs hurting . The girls started saying , " I think I 'm going to puke . " I sent them into their beds . I told them if they were not sleeping then they had to read quietly in bed . Sick girls don 't spend the day playing games or running around . They rest . The brunette twin came down to ask for a snack . She asked for a treat , which caused me to say , " Gee , I don 't think that 's such a good idea . I wouldn 't want the treat to upset your stomach any more . " Yeah , there 's a pretty good part of the day educating them to the idea that if you are sick , your world changes dramatically . No fun . No treats . Nothing but rest and a bland diet . I 'm sure they will be thrilled to find out they are having a bagel with butter and a banana for lunch . If they are hungry later they can have some yogurt . It 's not punishment , it 's tough love . If you 're sick , you get treated like you 're sick . If you 're pretending to be sick so you can stay home , you get treated like you 're sick . If this doesn 't make them want to go to school tomorrow , then nothing will . Posted by Our laptop is password protected so the girls cannot log on without our knowledge . In her quest for more independence , this drives the blond twin crazy . She has started trying to figure out the password . It 's her mission now . She comes up with all kinds of possible password combinations that are both funny and intriguing . Sometimes the words are a glimpse into her attitude . Other times she gets a little too close and I have to redirect her thinking . Today Daddy might have put an end to it . At lunch she made a guess and said , " I think I 'll try a few ideas next time I want to log on . " Daddy said , " If you put the wrong password in too many times the computer locks and we cannot use it any more . " He is so smart isn 't he ? The blond twin immediately decided to put the password issue aside . Now instead of trying different combinations in the computer she 's trying to catch my off - guard by asking me at random times . When she thinks I 'm distracted she says , " Mom , what did you say the password was ? " So far I 've been able to just smile and laugh . Of course , one day she 'll get me at a weak moment and I 'll tell her , which means I 'll have to change the password and we 'll start the game all over again . The holidays are coming and I 'm dreading them . I mean every single activity between now and 2012 . This hasn 't been a particularly happy year with Marlene and Dad both passing . Marlene 's birthday was December 16 , which means we 'll all be thinking about my brother , her children and her extended family on that date . She LOVED Christmas and knowing that she won 't be here makes it even harder . Dad always cooked a Fillet Mignon roast with carrots and potatoes on Christmas . There was a side of smoked sausage , some green beans , a salad and rolls to round out the meal . This year we 're talking about who will make the roast , as if having the same meal makes it the same celebration . I realize there 's a lot to be said for continuing traditions , so we 'll make the effort . If I could tell the truth , though , I 'd like to fast forward to 2012 . I want to skip all of it and start over on a cold , crisp January day . The kind of day when all good things are possible and everyone feels optimistic . We 're a long way from that now . We 'll do a lot of Christmas stuff like Breakfast with Santa and carolling with the Brownies . We 'll smile for the photos and make sure the girls have a Christmas to remember . They are filled with wonder and awe . The magic of Santa still looms large , and who knows how much longer that will last . No matter how I feel , they still deserve a wonderful Christmas . Posted by The girls came home from school just bubbling with excitement . Their class needed to elect a class representative and alternate for their student council . They begged us to let them both run . We signed the forms and returned them . Yesterday they announced that only three kids were running . The good news was one of them would win . The bad news was it was highly possible that only one of them would win . Walking home from school we talked about what would happen if only one of them was elected . We discussed different ways to react when one girl 's name wasn 't called . The brunette twin cried a little when she realized she might not win . By the time we got home they had mastered the art of congratulating the winner when it wasn 't them . At least I hoped so . The girls ran out of school today with big grins . The blond twin said , " Let 's talk about the election when we get across the street . " As soon as we crossed they said , " We both won . " It was a tie , so their teacher flipped a coin . The blond twin became the representative . The brunette twin seemed thrilled that she won at all . Their friend Marcus wasn 't too happy . They said he cried , but they told us they congratulated him and said , " Good job ! " I doubt that made him feel better , but it did make me feel better . They really did listen and learn . Now that the big election is over the girls will attend student council meetings . They have to take notes and report back to their class . It 's their first opportunity to be student leaders . They are taking this very seriously , so I hope it lives up to their expectations . Posted by One of the nicest things about blogging is I 'm offered opportunities to review different books . When I received an opportunity to review " The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes " by Gary Rubinstein , I jumped at it . If there is one thing our girls need to learn it is that making a mistake is not the end of the world . They take every error as a personal failing . It is as if a small mistake shakes them to their core . My hope was they would read the book and take the lesson that mistakes are a part of life . Everyone makes mistakes , and it 's okay . When the book arrived , the girls grabbed it and ran off . Of course , part of the deal for receiving a review copy is that I 'm supposed to blog about the book . This is where the problem began . You see , somehow , someway , the book disappeared . I looked for it so many times that I was beginning to think I had imagined the book . A very nice intern at the book publishing company sent a gentle reminder asking when the blog review would be posted . Several weeks passed and I still couldn 't find the book , so I broke down and asked the girls where the book was hiding . The brunette twin said , " I don 't know where it is , but I read it and it was really good . There was a girl named Beatrice who never made a mistake . She did everything right . It was like she didn 't know how to make a mistake . Then she took her hamster out and her hamster really liked salt . Beatrice didn 't realize that she brought her hamster pepper instead . It was her first mistake and it was in front of a lot of people . She realized it was okay to make a mistake and laughed . " I was pretty impressed with her recall of the details . I said , " So , what was the point of the book ? " The brunette twin said , " Don 't get upset when you make mistakes . Everyone makes them . " Now , since I cannot find the book , I 'm not sure she got it all right , but she did get the main point . Any book that makes that much of an impression after one reading must be worth reading . If only I could find the book and read it for myself . Our church creates prayer blankets for people who are facing a challenge . It could be something like grieving after the death of a loved one or like recovering from surgery . Whatever the challenge , several members gather with two different types of fleece to pray and create the blankets . The team starts tying the knots and prays over the blankets . At church the next Sunday the congregation finishes the knots and prays again . It 's a lovely activity for all ages . Since Dad and Marlene died , the brunette twin has been talking about making prayer blankets for Mom and Steve . She brought up the topic a few weeks ago and just kept talking about it . When I said that we were going to the store to buy fabric , the blond twin added that we needed a prayer blanket for my husband 's Mom . The girls looked at every possibility and color combination . In the end they chose six lovely fabrics to make the blankets . I told them that if they really wanted to give prayer blankets , they would have to help make them . We weren 't going to drop off the fabric and leave . They were so excited to make the blankets . They told everyone the stories behind the blankets , cut the fabric and helped tie knots . They giggled when they planned how to give the blankets to everyone . These are the moments that make all those frustrating moments worthwhile . Somehow we 're raising thoughtful , considerate little girls . It 's something we hoped would happen , so seeing it come to life in them is one of the great joys of my world . Posted by I was sitting at my desk working on a PowerPoint presentation when I glanced at the clock . I stared for a minute trying to figure out the " what 's wrong with this picture " feeling I was having . Suddenly it hit me . My calender entry didn 't pop up . The girls school day ended five minutes ago . I was late to pick - up the girls . Not having time to walk Oreo up there as I usually do , I grabbed my purse and raced out the door . Oreo was on his front porch tie - up as I pulled out of the garage . He ran towards the van , but I was already out of the driveway . Plus , he 's tied - up , so he didn 't get very far . As I was racing towards the school ( carefully , of course ) , my mobile phone rang . Another mom said , " I have the girls . Do you need me to put them in the car and bring them home . " I told her what happened and by the time she stopped laughing I was there . Neither girl was happy with me . The brunette twin cried because she thought I forgot them . The blond twin was just mad that I made her sister cry . She said , " I knew you wouldn 't leave us here , but I didn 't like coming out of the door and not seeing you . " I switched up their normal after - school routine just to give myself a chance to calm down . They happily went to play in their bedroom , thrilled that they didn 't have to do their homework first . I started working on a back - up system just in case my work calendar entry doesn 't pop - up again . I knew that sooner or later I 'd be late for school pick - up . I just didn 't think it would only be four months into the school year . I am in so much trouble with the brunette twin . They had a costume party at their Brownies meeting . At the end the moms were asked to clap for each girl to choose the best costume . It 's hard to believe I didn 't get this right , but I didn 't . When the girls showed off their costumes , all the moms clapped politely . No one clapped more for her daughter than for anyone else 's daughter . We thought we were showing how to be on the same team . Everyone looked great . No one costume was better than the others . As soon as we buckled into the minivan , the brunette twin said , " Why didn 't you clap louder for us ? " I said , " We all clapped the same for everyone . You all looked cute . " " We 're your babies . Next time you clap more for us than for the other girls , " the brunette twin said angrily . I mean she was really , really mad at me . I got that message loud and clear . I apologized and said I would clap more for them than the others next time . From this point forward my job is to be their head cheerleader . I will clap loudly when required and embarrass them by calling out their names when appropriate - - or not . This is one job I can be really good at with just a little practice . It was about a year ago that Dad started getting really sick . Since we never knew what Mom and Dad would need and when , we got into the habit of making sure everything was done as quickly as possible . There wasn 't a lot of time to just sit and read the paper on a Sunday because we were running here and there - - either for us or Mom and Dad . Now that Dad is gone , we find ourselves trying to re - establish some kind of a normal routine . This afternoon we found ourselves sitting on the couch reading the newspaper and catching up on a few shows we recorded . It was the kind of Sunday afternoon that would have been normal a while ago . Today I found myself trying to relax . Every time I settled in , I felt like I should have been doing something . It was as if I had forgotten how to relax . I kept waiting for the phone to ring or to remember that there was something I needed to do . It took a while before I realized I could just do nothing . It was okay to spend an afternoon just hanging out at home . It 's another step towards our new normal . The constant worry about Mom and Dad is gone . It 's replacement isn 't fitting comfortably yet , but I 'll spend more time relaxing on Sundays until it finally fits . We use a tie - up to put Oreo outside attached to the play set whenever we 're working in the yard or just think it 's a good day for the dog to be outside . It 's strong enough to keep him in place , and he still has a lot of room to explore . Recently we moved the tie - up to the front porch because the backyard is one big mess from the patio project . It turns out he LOVES being on the front porch . It 's his personal playground . The tie - up is long enough that he can wander into the front yard and explore the front garden when the mood strikes . Other times he just hangs out on the concrete watching all the neighborhood action . Now , I wouldn 't say there 's a lot of neighborhood action , but for Oreo , the squirrels , walkers and cars must be fascinating . He recently started asking to go outside . Sometimes he sits by the front door and talks to me . Sometimes when we come back from a walk he 'll plop down next to the tie - up . He won 't move until I attach him to the tie - up so he can roam . Sometimes I 'll find him stretched out in front of the screen door . I 'll open the door and try to bring him into the house , but he walks away . I 've learned to just leave him on the front porch . It keeps him busy for hours on end . As long as it 's not raining , he can spend as much time as he wants on the front porch . Posted by The first time it happened , we didn 't even know we 'd been boo - ed . We opened our front door to find an orange , plastic pumpkin with treats and a poem . The second time it happened , the doorbell rang . By the time we opened the front door , the goblins were gone . The treats spilling out of orange , plastic cups sat on our front porch with a ghost and a poem . Now it 's our turn . We 're going to boo several friends this weekend . I went to You 've Been Boo - ed to print out the neighborhood version to include with our pumpkins . We have several extra pumpkins from different parties that we can fill with treats . The only argument in our house is who to boo . The poem asks you to boo two other people . Since we 've been boo - ed twice , we figure we 'll boo four households . Of course , we have six potential families , so we might just boo them all . We boo - ed several families last night . It was very fun for the girls . They ran up to each house , dropped the treat and rang the doorbell . At the first house , the brunette twin fell , but she jumped up and ran into the car . The brunette twin had a scare at her final house when the motion detector lights went on . She went from sneaking up to the door to standing in the bright lights . The blond twin couldn 't stop giggling when she went to boo her friends . She was completely out of breath when she slammed the car door . I only hope it was as fun for the recipients as it was for us . The blond twin recently decided that she wants her privacy . Not from us or her sister , but from everyone else . She has started complaining when we tell embarrassing stories or share her grades with other . Last weekend she expanded it to all medical issues . The blond twin has bloody noses from time to time . On Sunday she stayed home from church because she was afraid it would start bleeding again . It started just before we were supposed to leave and she took the opportunity to stay home with Daddy . ( Ok , maybe she just wanted to stay home with Daddy . It did cross my mind . ) At church several people asked . Most of the time I said she wasn 't feeling well . I told a couple of people because I thought they might have some advice for us . It turns out they did . When she found out I told them why she stayed home she was MAD . Really , really mad . She said , " It 's my body and you don 't get to tell them what 's going on unless I say so . " Did I mention she was mad ? Two more times this week she reminded me that I was not allowed to tell anyone something about her . It 's an interesting turn of events because both girls have growing concerns about their privacy , but in different ways . The blond twin doesn 't want anyone outside the immediate family to know anything . The brunette twin has taken to hiding when she changes clothes and shutting the bathroom door as she gains some modesty . She hasn 't said she doesn 't want me to tell anyone what is happening with her when she 's sick , but I 'm sure it 's coming . Posted by Each night we make sure the girls ' backpacks are ready , clothes are set out and lunches are made . So why is it so hard to get them out of the house in the morning ? Some days the problem is obvious . The girls spill something on their clothes and need to change at the last moment . The girls cannot get their shoes untied . The girls have to go to the bathroom at the moment we are supposed to walk out the door . The girls cannot figure out which fashion scarf to wear with their denim jackets . You get the picture . Other mornings run like this morning . We were five minutes late getting out of the house and I cannot even tell you why . The backpacks were packed . Lunches were ready . The girls were moving at a reasonable pace . Still , we didn 't get out of the house on time . Now that the weather is getting colder - - and it 's soon to be snowier - - we need to push our out - of - the - house time back . We cannot leave five minutes late and make it to school on time . Even though there 's a 10 minute window during which the girls need to be at school or they are late , I don 't like to cut it close . I 'm not interested in finding out whether or not the school 's clock syncs with ours . I want to be there as soon as the school doors open . Leaving five minutes earlier means adjusting the schedule so we can leave on time . The problem is that no matter how well I plan , there are some things that are out of my control . The ten minutes it takes us to go from " let 's leave " to actually locking the front door will still be the worst ten minutes of the day . His first long trip in the mini - van didn 't go well until we let him sit between the girls ' seats . Since then , he has been a travelling dog . His seat is now in the back by the window . Whenever he 's in the mini - van , he heads right there . Sometimes he sits there even after we 've come home and gone into the house - - just in case we decide to go someplace else , he 's ready . Now we 've gotten to the point that if the mini - van is outside and he sees it , Oreo will not go in the garage . He sits by the front door wagging his tale as if to say , " Nope . I 'm not going in the garage . I 'm going with . " He 's like a child who is afraid he is going to miss something . It 's really annoying when you are trying to get out of the house and you have to negotiate with the dog to get him into the garage . It used to be that any treat would send him happily wagging his tail into the garage . Now treats are just ignored as he sits by the door waiting to go into the mini - van . Eventually he does go into the garage , but he 's not happy about it . Of course , as with so many things , there is an upside to his wanderlust . Once in a while Oreo will get out of the house or off his leash . He doesn 't go far . Usually he runs around the house like it 's a racetrack . We don 't chase him as we already know we cannot catch him . We used to hold a treat and call his name until he ran around enough that he was tired and came back . Now we just pull out the mini - van and open a door . He runs right in and plops down on his seat . Sometimes we drive around the block and come back . Other times we just drive into the garage and close the door . Either way he 's happy because he got to ride in the mini - van . Posted by Mom ( laughing ) : " No baby , that means it tastes best before that date . It 's not buy like you purchase something . It 's by like a due date . " When we rehabbed the family room , we added a surround sound system . It really spoiled us . There are a few songs I think sound much better when played a little louder than normal . A few of them happen to be songs by artists the girls really like . Every time I turn up a song , the girls start saying , " Mom , turn it down . It 's too loud ! " Really ? I thought it was my job to tell them the music was too loud . Knowing that it annoys them when I turn up the music , I often use this as a discpline technique . When they start fighting , I 'll crank up a song until they cannot hear each other anymore . They stop arguing and yell in unison , " Mom , turn it down . It 's too loud . " A neighborhood friend , whose daughters play with our girls , stopped by the other day . She said , " What is going on ? I haven 't talked to you in forever . " I went on to tell her about Dad 's death and all the other stuff going on . She said , " What a crappy summer for your family . " She 's right of course , but I realized something as I was talking to her . There 's no avoiding what happened . If I don 't get out and tell people , then there 's no way to reconnect with everyone . The girls ' closest friends and their families all know . I told them about Marlene and Dad if for no other reason than I didn 't want them to be surprised if the girls mentioned it . The reality is that I have been trying to avoid it , but it 's really not possible . I recognize now that it 's best to tell people on our terms - - when and where we want - - rather than during random conversations . I had an awkward exchange with another Mom at the grocery store one day . How 's your Dad ? Well , he died . How 's your brother ? Well , his wife and father died within a few months of each other , so not well . He 's doing the best he can . So sorry , time to get some bananas before dance class . She was sincere , but let 's just say the cereal aisle isn 't the place for that kind of update . A lot of people know something is going on because we 've been so out of touch . Usually we 're organizing groups for free concerts or play dates or library events . We haven 't done any of it because we didn 't know what was going to happen two or three weeks in advance . Those days are over , so it 's time for me to get back in touch and work through all the conversations so we can all move on . Posted by After the school tested the girls - - yet again - - to see if they should move into the advanced math class , the principal called . She said one girl was clearly ready and the other was one point below the required score . She said one girl would be moved in January when they make the across - the - grade - level adjustments . I expressed my concern that by January the girls would be so far behind that they wouldn 't be able to catch - up . ( Ok , one girl in particular , but I 'm assuming that the other girl will test in . ) We talked for a bit about what the school was going to do to keep them challenged until a move was made . I felt better when I hung up the phone . It seemed like we were making progress until I explained it to my husband . When the words started coming out of my mouth I realized how crazy it all was . If one twin was ready , then she should be moved now . What was she going to do until January ? Sit and review stuff she already knew ? This morning I emailed the principal asking why January was the transfer date . I also asked her what the advanced class was doing now through January . I told her we 'd home school the girls in math until a transfer was made . To her credit she called me a bit ago . She said they were going to move up the transfer dates to the end of the first quarter - - about three weeks from now . One twin would go for certain . The other twin 's transfer depends on her next test score . I talked to my husband and we 're okay with this . First , the one twin will be moved up quickly . Second , once , she 's in the program , we 'll be able to work with her sister based upon the homework that comes home every day . They might not both be in - - depending upon the next test - - but that doesn 't mean they both won 't benefit . Of course , we 're not telling the girls about a possible transfer until it happens . They said they would be fine being separated , so that 's not a concern . We just don 't want to get anyone 's hopes up only to have them dashed again . Posted by I am so frustrated with our local public school that I have a headache . Our school has an advanced math class that requires certain test scores at four different data points for placement . Our girls missed placement by less than one point on one of the four data points , and one full point on another data point . Yes , because they missed one mark by . 4 and . 8 and another mark by one point , they are not in the advanced class . The standard class is dong work the girls mastered in the first semester of first grade . This class won 't be doing the same work the girls were doing at the end of first grade until the end of second grade . Of course , this didn 't sit well with me . I asked what the school was going to do to differentiate the standard math class since it didn 't make sense that children who missed the advanced class by a point or two should do the same math as students who scored in the 70th percentile . After speaking with the principal , I learned that more than 20 second grade students are in the same position as the girls . To me , this says the school needs to work to meet the needs of these students . To the school , this means they need to " consider options . " The problem , as the principal explained it , is if they start another math level in second grade , it won 't carry over to third , fourth or fifth grades . Of course , I said , " Why not ? " She said it 's still in discussions , but it 's not really what the math teachers think would be most beneficial . After our conversation , I realized that the only option that interests me is the option to move them to the advanced math class if they meet the first quarter standard after their next assessment test . Of course , we could end up in the same position where they miss the advance class by a point - - or by a fraction of a point . In other words , we 're going to have to home school the girls in math if we want them to advance . I understand that public schools are about providing a minimum education to all students , but public schools are leaving behind a whole class of students After all , why spend resources on students who already test at the top of the class ? It 's more important to focus on the bottom so the overall test scores look good . No matter what educators say , this is the reality of public education today . Posted by The girls are really into chapter books these days . There are a couple of series they really like , but the blond twin is no longer allowed to read one of their favorites . For the past few nights , she has been waking up a lot and crying . We thought she had outgrown night terrors , but this week they returned in a dramatic way . The first night she was up we thought she ate too many apples when we went apple - picking . The second night we thought she might be getting sick . The third night she finally admitted that she couldn 't sleep because of the Goosebumps book she was reading . When she was little , every scary creature or wicked witch kept her up at night . We thought she outgrew this since she no longer woke up every time she watched a new movie . It turns out the night terrors simply adapted to her new interest . Scary books brought back her night terrors . Let 's just say it 's really , really no fun when she has night terrors . No one sleeps much and we 're all physically and mentally exhausted the next day . To prevent this from happening again anytime soon , she is not allowed to read the Goosebumps series . We explained that she is welcome to read any other chapter book , but since the Goosebumps books keep her up at night she cannot read them . The brunette twin didn 't like this development at all . She loves the Goosebumps series . We told her that as long as it didn 't keep her up at night she could read the books . She is not allowed to share them with her sister either by telling her about the story or reading any part of it to her . If she feels the need to share , she has to talk to Mommy or Daddy where the blond twin cannot hear it . She agreed to the plan . As long as she can read her books , she 's a happy girl . Plus , when the blond twin doesn 't sleep , the brunette twin doesn 't sleep . And if there 's one thing the brunette twin loves as much as her sister it 's a good night 's sleep . At our daughters ' elementary school , there is a lot of talk about character education . Schools have latched on to the idea that being a good person is as important as being a smart person . I like the idea because I think anything that helps kids understand that hard - work , personal connections and good character are important for future success builds a solid foundation for a well - lived life . We talk about this at home , and it 's helpful that the school reinforces it . A recent New York Times article What if the Secret to Success Is Failure ? brought all my random thoughts into one nicely packaged story . The article tells the story of two very different high schools and how each principal is looking at using character education as a major component of education reform . In a nutshell , the principals looked at their most successful students and found that grades don 't correlate to higher education success . We all can relate to this idea . We all knew people in high school who were supposed to change the world and didn 't quite meet expectations . We also know people who seemed above average , but no one predicted their future success . It 's an institutional challenge parents who agree with them - like us - face . When our daughters came home with paper after paper with " fantastic " or " perfect " on them , I asked for more challenging work . The teacher was a bit taken back . She said that most parents would be thrilled their children found school so easy . I explained that if it was so easy that they weren 't getting any questions wrong , they weren 't learning anything . She said she never had a parent with my attitude . She also stepped up the work to challenge them more . We 're parents who try to shield our daughters from a lot of hardships . They don 't watch the news . They aren 't food insecure . They have a nice , middle - class house in a good school district with plenty of opportunities to participate in programs at the library , park district and school . Still , I do believe that there is something to the idea that they have to build character through struggle . When they struggle to learn a new piano piece , I secretly take pride in their frustrations . I don 't want to tell them that I think it 's good for them to become frustrated , but we do talk about how important it is to keep working on it until they finally figure out the music . When they have to ask me how to pronounce a word or what a word means , I know they are reading a book that challenges them to learn something new . As the article points out , we have a biological need to protect our children . This hasn 't changed since we had to protect them from wild animals and harsh conditions . Now , though , our instincts to protect our children might just prevent them from creating what the authors describe as a good life that 's not just happy , but also meaningful and fulfilling . It 's a personal and cultural shift that requires all of us to look inside to see how we can balance our need to protect them with the need for them to build character - even if it means they suffer a little once in a while . I remembered this today while we were driving to apple picking . The brunette twin saw quietly reading a book . This meant the blond twin was on her own to entertain herself . There were so many , many things she could have done from draw pictures to read a book . Of course , she wanted to talk to us . Since Daddy was driving , this meant I chatted with her . For more than an hour we jumped from topic to topic to topic to topic . Her brain moved at a rapid pace and everything she was thinking came straight at me . I really had to pay attention to keep up with her . By the time we got to the orchard , my mind was mush . The girl had worn me down . On the way home , the blond twin read a book . When given the option of chatting with Mommy or sitting quietly , the brunette twin decided to sit quietly and relax . Just one more reason we 're going to host Brunette Appreciate Day . Mom : " What have you been doing up here ? Move it . We 're going to be late for piano lessons . I 'm tired of being late all the time . Get moving . " Mom : " Seriously , what are you doing ? Decide what you are going to wear . Floss and brush your teeth . Brush your hair . When you 're done in the bathroom , get your music together and in your piano bag . " Mom : " Girls what do I have to do to get you moving ? Piano lessons start soon . We need to leave right now . Are your piano bags ready ? " Mom : " Oh , that 's right . Piano lessons don 't start until 10 : 30 now . We 're really not late for a change . " This is a great time of the year . The girls are back in school , with new socks , pants , shirts , etc . All their drawers are stuffed and their hangers full . From this point on it only goes downhill . Usually it 's a shirt that goes first . Something ends up as a permanent stain in a place we cannot hide . This year it was a pair of grey pants . It is hard to understand exactly how the blond twin ended up crying on an asphalt driveway , but there she was on the walk home today . She managed to skin her knee and rip her pants in one quick movement . She shrieked and moaned until I finally sat on the ground holding her . This didn 't work to her advantage as I did point out that for all the noise , there were no tears . She did manage to work it with her sister , of course . Within moments the brunette twin was carrying her sister 's backpack and lunchbox . A few steps later the blond twin had her arm around her sister with her head on her shoulder . The blond twin was leaning on her sister as if it was too painful to put her leg on the ground . Seriously , she was working it . The blond twin had so little blood on her scrapped knee that it didn 't even show up on her light grey pants . We had to call Daddy to tell him about the traumatic event that took place . I tried not to laugh as I talked to him , but I was only partly successful . We went another block or two before the brunette twin summed up the whole event in a few words , " Well , at least she didn 't chip her front teeth . " Posted by When I was little , my Gramma Latimer watched stories all afternoon . I 'd sit with her and she 'd tell me the storylines of each soap opera . I didn 't watch all of them regularly until college . It was in college that we 'd gather in the common area of our dorm to watch All My Children . It was such a don 't miss appointment that we 'd schedule classes around it . Long before VCRs and DVRs and Soapnet , I lost track of the show when I started working . Strangely , companies frown upon employees watching TV during lunch breaks . I picked up the soap again when I started working from home . Before the girls , I spent the day by myself working at a computer . All My Children was entertaining and mindless background noise . This week All My Children ends . It 's sad because it 's like my last connection with Gramma is gone . It 's time , though , for soap operas to fade to black . Real life is so much crazier than anything they could get away with on network TV . Times change . TV tastes change . My memories of sitting in Gram 's living room eating shortbread and watching " stories " stay , whether All My Children is on or not . This is the perfect weather for a cute denim jacket . Last year , the girls had two really cute , embroidered denim jackets . They were just adorable in these jackets . I 'd like to see them in the jackets , but I can 't . Somehow , some way , the jackets went missing this summer . What ? You don 't understand how we can lose two denim jackets in the middle of one of the hottest summers on record ? Well , neither do we . Once we discovered both jackets were missing , we tore apart the house . We moved to the minivan and garage . We started calling people at whose homes we might have left the jackets . No luck . Now we 're feeling really crazy . It was so hot we kept the air conditioner running for weeks on end . There were only a few times we even considered taking a jacket . Still , the denim jackets are missing in action . The girls do have other jackets , but those are nearly too small . The denim jackets should fit perfectly . If only we could find them they 'd be adorable on the girls . Our girls aren 't teens yet , but they are getting there quickly . I like to read Vanessa Van Petten 's Radicalparenting . com so I can start to understand what 's going on with teens today . Vanessa recently wrote a new book , which adds to her vast collection of teen insight . She wrote the article below to help people understand what her books explores . If you have a chance , check out her website and book . For full disclosure , I didn 't receive any money for posting this . I just wanted to help out a blog pal . When I was 16 I thought it was my Dad 's goal in life to make me miserable . I was convinced that he had a running list of all the ways he could embarrass me in front of my friends , trick me into doing more chores or make my curfew earlier . Our relationship would have continued to devolve until one day I saw my Dad reading a parenting book . I flipped through it while my Dad was in the bathroom and realized a lot of the things he did that drove me crazy he was getting right out of this book ! I looked at the other parenting books on our shelves and realized that they were all written by adults . I wondered - has anyone ever asked teens to write to their parents ? I decided to build a website where teens could answer questions and write to parents called RadicalParenting . com . I couldn 't believe how quickly it grew and how happy both teens were to get their voices out and parents were to have a new outlet for connecting with their kids ! We now have over 120 teen writers who give advice . Teenagers , when given a neutral space LOVE talking to parents and often offer some of the best insight because they are going through it themselves . We have also be so excited to help parents who feel like they cannot reach their kids and teens . I think teens and parents can work together to overcome their differences and learn to work best together . We have just come out with our book : Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I 'm Grounded and it is a radical approach to parenting because it is written from the kid 's perspective ! We would love for you to check it out - if you are brave enough to see what kids have to say ! So , you have to forget the old parenting book approach - this book gives parents a totally new way to reach their teenagers because it 's the only book that tweens and teens helped write - so we are hearing first - hand advice that actually works ! It gets right to the heart of the problems and offers straightforward prescriptive - and effective advice . This is a very different approach to parenting that tackles these modern problems . Before now there has only been resources written from one side of the family equation . . . . the adults . This is the first book that gets both sides talking . What 's more , the book goes a step further by using techniques that human lie - dectectors use : What does a teenager 's face look like when they are lying ? What questions do parents need to ask to get the truth ? There are already amazing resources out there from doctors and psychologists , we take a very different approach to parenting . We believe that for most families there are really simple miscommunications happening that we just need to decode . With this book , I teach parents what kids really mean when they say , " I don 't care " or " Can I have a later curfew . " This is advice from teens in the trenches of family life . " Van Petten , founder of the popular Web site RadicalParenting . com , offers parents a candid view of the contemporary teen 's world in this eye - opening text . Van Petten uses actual stories about teens and their often anxious , angry , or befuddled parents to introduce each chapter . Pointing out that she is neither a parent nor a teen ( nor a doctor , therapist , or counselor ) , the college - grad author has nevertheless earnestly investigated her subject and includes current research on teens as well as hundreds of " real quotes , interviews , e - mails and advice from actual teens . " Van Petten explores a variety of timely subjects , including peer relationships , teen / parent communication , bullying , technology , and " risky business " ( smoking , drinking , sex , and more ) . Her outlook on technology and " Internet savvy " is particularly incisive , emphasizing not only the hazards of " time - suck " activities ( i . e . , Facebook , chatting on IM , and texting ) but also the many social and academic benefits of the digital universe . Like a crafty spy , Van Petten comfortably segues from parent to teen perspective , and while noting that each adolescent is unique , she skillfully opens doors to the collective teen psyche . Vanessa Van Petten is one of the nation 's youngest experts , or ' youthologists ' on parenting and adolescents . She now runs her popular parenting website , RadicalParenting . com , which she writes with 120 other teenage writers to answer questions from parents and adults . Her approach has been featured by CNN , Fox News , and Wall Street Journal . She was also on the Real Housewives of Orange County helping the housewives with troubled teens . Her next book , " Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I 'm Grounded ? " is being released in September 2011 with Plume Books of Penguin USA . For at least a month now the girls have obsessed about their birthday . They demanded I send their aunts and uncles a birthday list about a month ago . They have been discussing options for their birthday parties daily . Every day when I walk them to school they talk about their birthday . This week we decided it was time to actually plan their birthday parties . The girls have a friends party and a family party . This year for their friends party , they decided to have a sleepover . We told them they could only invite two friends . I 'm sure at some point we 'll have ten giggly girls sleeping in their room , but this is our first sleepover , so we 're keeping it small . They have a list of activities they have planned from decorating headbands to eating pizza on the couch while watching a movie . They planned every part of it . One friend is sleeping over , but we 're still waiting to hear about the other one . They are still a little young for sleepovers , so if she 's not ready we 'll have her over for all the stuff except sleeping over . The family party was a bit harder to plan . We had a " we 're having a party on this date at this time , yet we don 't know where " save the date . Our backyard - - the site of all previous birthday parties - - is still a construction zone . We held out hope that it would be completed until this week . We finally decided we needed a new location for the birthday party . We found a nearby park district facility with batting cages , miniature golf and a party room . It is now the site of the girls ' eighth birthday bash this weekend . Oreo is fiercely protective of our girls . He doesn 't like anyone or anything near his girls . He even barks when Mommy or Daddy hug the girls . Some days this drives me crazy . I don 't need the extra noise as I 'm hugging the girls before they go to bed or trying to quickly put on their gloves so we 're not late for school . Last week , I was completely grateful for his protectiveness . We were walking after his dinner when a stray pit bull ran up to us . Oreo positioned himself between that dog and the girls . When the blond twin shifted closer to me , he moved his body to block her . He growled a low , quiet growl which actually scared me . I just kept trying to figure out what I was going to do if that dog decided to attack us . Oreo is too strong for me to control him if he decides to fight . There I was with the girls shaking , the dog growling , and my arm hurting as I tried to keep Oreo from lunging . He really wasn 't going anywhere , though , unless one of the girls moved . Luckily one of the neighbors saw what was happening and tried to grab the stray dog . It had tags and a leash , so at least I knew it belonged to someone . He distracted the dog so we could get away by going around the corner . I kept saying " Thank you " as we walked away . He just waived his hand as if to say " Get out of here . " Oreo got a treat when he got home . I always knew he 'd protect the girls form strangers , but I never thought about protecting them from other dogs as part of his job until then . The first few days after Dad 's funeral , I was just tired . I didn 't want to talk to anyone or do much of anything . Of course , that 's not really possible , so we jumped back into the girls ' school schedule and went back to work . Now we 're looking at recreating our " new normal . " For nearly a year Dad was in and out of the hospital , so it was hard to make plans much more than a few weeks ahead . Our planning shortened to a week once Dad went into hospice . This Labor Day weekend is all about catching up . There were a lot of things on our to do list this summer that didn 't get done for many reasons . Dad being sick was only one reason . You add months of record heat followed by record rain and we spent many weekends wishing we could move something - - anything - - off the to do list . We got our wish this weekend . We 're painting , cleaning and organizing . It 's not the most fun we can have during a long holiday weekend , but it 's a good way to mark the changes - - both in the weather and in our family . There 's this weird time between when someone dies and when the services are held that is like living in limbo . In our family the time is a bit longer than normal because we 're spread all over the country . You have to allow people a few days to arrive before anything can move forward . We 've used the time to finalize Dad 's wake and funeral , of course . We 've also tried to take care of a few small house projects that have been neglected . We took care of some errands and did some cleaning . The big change to come from this limbo time is Daddy assembled the girls ' bunk beds . Their birthday present went from ready - to - assemble to ready - to - use . There were a lot of little parts that looked alike to me . It took him better part of one afternoon and the next morning to make happen , but he stayed focused until we rolled them into bed last night . The really big news came from the girls ' end - of - the - year golf camp bar - b - que . The brunette twin won first place in the golf skills competition . She bounced into Gramma 's house beaming with her trophy in hand . When we left yesterday , we forgot the trophy , so we had to go back to get it . She won 't leave it out of her sight for a moment . She is so thrilled to have a trophy of her own . Sometimes when we 're staining the patio chairs or cleaning the kitchen we can forget that we still have Dad 's wake and funeral coming up . Other times I start crying just because something reminds me of Dad . It 's one of the things that makes this time so difficult . You can try to make it seem like business as usual , but there 's sadness always in the background . When I met with Mom and the hospice nurse on Monday , I called to tell both my brothers about the conversation . She didn 't sugar coat how close to death Dad was . She also didn 't make a prediction about when he would pass . I told them both I hoped it was soon so Dad 's suffering would be over . I know that sounds callous , but it was really hard to watch my strong and independent father struggle for breath . The call came today just after I brought the girls home from their first day of school . By the time I arrived , Dad was already gone . Officially the hospice nurse declared his time of death to be 4 : 00 p . m . He was gone . His suffering was over . People kept telling me to talk to Dad about whatever was on my mind so I wouldn 't have any regrets . Last Saturday , probably the last really lucid day he had , I leaned over to kiss him goodbye . I said , " I love you Dad . " He smiled and said , " I love you too Shari . Kiss my girls for me . " It 's so hard to believe the girls are in second grade . They are so much more mature and confident than I thought they would be at this age . They walked into the crowd and marched confidently to their class line as soon as they saw their teacher 's name . The good news is their teacher is also a twin . She talked to the girls about being a twin . She talked a bit about how close she and her sister remain to this date . I really like that she 's a twin . I don 't have to explain anything about being a twin to her . She gets it . It took a few minutes , but they faltered a bit . I stood with them for a while , chatting with their new teacher , greeting children we knew from previous years and talking to other parents . When I thought they were set , I said , " Is it okay for me to go home ? " Surprisingly , the blond twin grabbed my hand and said , " Please don 't go yet . " Of course I stayed . They are growing up , but they are still my babies . I 'll stay as long as they want . Posted by The girls , Oreo and I walked to their new school . We walked around the back and talked about how I 'd leave them on the playground in the morning and meet them in a specific spot after school . I 'll have Oreo , so I don 't want to wander into the crowd . I 'll stand a little to the side . Given the brunette twin 's fear that we 're going to leave her somewhere , I wanted to make sure she knew the system and was comfortable . We were walking back when I saw one of their friends all dressed up for the first day of school with her backpack and a bunch of flowers for her new teacher . My first thought was " Why is she going to school ? Do they really have school today ? How did I screw up the first day of school ? AHHHHHHHHH ! ! ! ! ! " My second thought was " Okay , they cannot have school today because there isn 't a crossing guard at the corner . It 's only Tuesday and they start school on Wednesday . I don 't see any other kids , so it cannot be the first day of school . Breath . Relax . It 's not the first day of school . Breath . Relax . It 's okay . Breath . Relax . " Even though I knew it wasn 't the first day of school , I felt a momentary panic . The adrenaline rush stayed until we arrived home and I checked the calender . I was certain , but I needed that black - n - white confirmation . Posted by |
I 'm sure the Sisters of Service have some detractors in town , on account of our founder , Rebecca , who used to be the Dirty Woman , but I 'm proud of what we do . I think we help some people . But some people think we 're weird , because of Rebecca . See , she 's not the Dirty Woman anymore , but she used to be , and she used to be a real crazy sight . They called her that because she was always about as filthy as a person could get . From head to toe , it looked like she 'd never had a bath or seen a bar of soap in her life . Except for the whites of her eyes and her teeth , which were as white as salt , her body was always covered in ash - gray dirt . She was weird , but it got to be kind of special to spot her as I drove around town with my mom . She was something different , alright . On top of being incredibly dirty all the time , she wore some pretty wacky outfits . On a hot summer 's day , for instance , she might 've worn a one - piece bathing suit with a frilly pink tutu over it . She always turned heads . And when she spoke her face and her voice were very animated . It looked like the faces of my mother 's new friends , actually , when they speak to me or my dog . She was always smiling in this exaggerated way , and as she crossed the street she might say to a guy in his car , " What a bright , shiny car ! It must go very fast ! You must be very happy ! " In a way , no one would say that , it was very weird , but in a way , it made sense - she was being like a clown , or like how a teacher is sometimes , playing a part . I had a few good teachers in school , actually . I got along with them better than most of the kids . I was smart , but not the kind of smart that makes you lots of friends , more like the kind of smart that gets you tripped in the hall . People seemed really bothered when I got an answer right , and it also seemed to bother them that my clothes weren 't always brand new . It was when we were shopping for school clothes at the mall that I had my first run - in with Rebecca . It was winter , and she wore this huge fur coat in winter , but at the mall we 'd see her without it on , and I always wondered where she could 've stashed it . Then one day I saw a security guard , a round little woman , leading her out of the mall , and Rebecca said in her crazy smiling way , " What ? Wait . Where is my coat ? Let me get it first , please . " Once the lady let go of her arm , she darted up an escalator . I followed at a distance , but lost her , and went into the bathroom . There she was . It was weird seeing someone like that , with the reflections in the mirrors and everything . I passed her and she smiled that strained smile at me . Once in the stall , I paused , hearing the shuffling of paper , and then I came back out to see what she was doing , and found her dragging her big coat out of the trashcan . She looked up at me , afraid , and so I said , " Don 't worry . It 's Okay . I won 't tell , " and she looked at me like a cat you don 't know does sometimes , like saying , " Can I really trust you ? " and then she got out of there . After that I started seeing her around more often . And then of course came the day at the Y when she walked into the locker room with that huge bag of beauty products from Sav - On : shampoo , conditioner , soap , big sponges , fingernail clippers , fingernail file , cotton swabs , shaving cream , razors - it was hilarious . She got under the water and shouted . And then after a while she started singing : I 'm not the Dirty Woman anymore ! I 'm not the Dirty Woman anymore ! I may be old I may be poor But I 'm not the Dirty Woman anymore ! She asked me to scrub her back and I did it . I wasn 't scared or anything . She didn 't look at me with that clown face - like my mom 's friend Dale , who wears her smile like it 's a mask that 's hiding a face full of worms - she gave me a smile that made me feel appreciated . Once I had asked my mom where the Dirty Woman went when we didn 't see her , and my mom got a faraway look on her face and said , " Oh , she goes back to her mansion in the woods and gets cleaned up and then spends a few days walking around in a clean white linen dress , sipping a glass of imported water from France , I suppose . " But that day in the locker room I found out that she hadn 't taken a shower in two whole years . My mom has always been pretty relaxed , but I knew she wouldn 't understand about the Service , so I 've never told her . We always got along fine , but she 's always smoked a lot of pot - I don 't know , I never thought we really bonded like we could have , but we were always friends . We were close , but then not really , too . We 'd snuggle up and watch movies together , but I never poured my heart out to her or anything . I guess she got lonely , because she started making friends with the women from work . They 'd go out after work , or on the weekends they 'd help each other with their landscaping projects . I was happy that she 'd found some friendship , I just wished she hadn 't had to stretch so far to get it . After Rebecca got all cleaned up , I gave her my gym clothes to wear home . I know , that sounds gross , but they were a lot nicer than what she had with her . Her hair was a mess , too . We did the best we could with it , but it was a real mess . She ended up going to Cost Cutters in the mall the next day and getting it all cut off , and now she wears it really short and all slicked back - she really looks like a totally different person now . Lots of people don 't even know she used to be the Dirty Woman . Later that week Rebecca started the Sisters of Service , then I joined up . That June I turned sixteen , and I got a job at the Dairy Queen on Broadway . After about three months I was the manager , so when there was an opening I hired Rebecca . There are a couple other part - timers , but we actually work most of the shifts there . After eight hours the day is pretty shot anyway , so you might as well just stay working . It 's pretty good there . We get to eat a lot , and we can keep an eye out for anyone who looks like they might need the Service . The Service isn 't a religion or anything , it 's a service . Some people need the Service , some don 't . We don 't push it on anyone . Another night at home . Rain washed over the window , and a stack of logs waited by the fireplace . But it had been two weeks , and Mitchell decided he needed to get out and play , or else he 'd get too rusty . He got dressed , got his guitar , and ran out to the car . Mitchell 's first name was Bruce , but he had been called by his last name since high school , and now even he referred to himself as Mitchell , like when he chided himself for blowing a note while playing : Come on , Mitchell , he 'd say to himself . Mitchell 's glory days were behind him . He had played in several bands , but not for many years . He had written a batch of originals , and knew dozens of songs , but these days his set consisted mainly of crowd - pleasers like " Margaritaville , " " Hotel California , " and " You 're so Vain . " Outside a girl leaned against the wall . She didn 't look up as he passed . Mitchell pulled open the heavy front door , and thirty years of bad breath briefly mixed with the evening rain . The place was already getting crowded . But the Inner Towne was always crowded . It wasn 't a big place to begin with , and it had the cheapest beer in the neighborhood , as well as two pool tables , and so even open mike night couldn 't keep it from filling up . He scanned the room until he finally saw Allison coming up from the cellar . She didn 't belong here . She wore her hair with dignity , and didn 't dress in the current fashion . She was shy . Whoever heard of a shy bartender ? But the regulars that drank here had embraced her , and the guys all treated her with extra politeness . Another bartender had loaded Elvis Costello 's " Allison " into the jukebox , and one of her young admirers would always play the song during the course of her shift . AllisonI know this world is killing youAllisonMy aim is trueBut Allison 's timidity wasn 't as endearing to Mitchell . His own daughter , while somewhat younger than Allison , was also painfully shy , and although he didn 't see her very often , he felt a little responsible for not having cured her of it . So he looked forward to seeing Allison , who he thought had hope , and occasionally tried to bring her out of her shell . He went first to the stage and put his name on the sign - up sheet . Then he looked for Greg , who usually ran the open mike , but Greg wasn 't around . Instead , a young kid was setting up the microphone stand , and apparently he was going to be running things tonight . Soon the kid had unplugged the jukebox and the first performer took the stage . Mitchell went to the bar to wait for his turn . He found an open stool next to a serious - looking kid who 'd just ordered . Allison set a beer in front of the kid , and he thanked her , and then added , " My name 's Tad . " She didn 't reply . She just looked at the poor kid and blinked , and gave him a tiny shrug , and blinked some more . " Aw , come on , Allison , tell him your name - - he 's out on a limb over here , " Mitchell said . He put his arm around the kid , who tensed , but then smiled sheepishly . " Don 't worry , kid , she 's just shy , " Mitchell said , looking across the bar . He knew he was close to crossing the line , and so he gave her a mean look , to let her know he meant well . She rolled her eyes and went to help another customer . Mitchell felt he 'd made some progress , and leaned toward the boy , speaking to him conspiratorially behind the back of his hand . " Hang in there , kid . I think we 're getting somewhere . " He greeted the crowd , and a girl called back , " Awwwright ! " Probably just drunk , Mitchell knew , but still it was nice to hear . He started off with " House of The Rising Sun , " and really laid into it . He could feel it was going to be a great set . As he sang , he heard his voice bouncing off the crowd , and it excited him - - but when he finished , and opened his eyes , he found himself alone . He 'd lost them ! More than that , many of the people in front actually had their backs turned toward him , in order to have a better view of the pool tables . While announcing the next song , he found himself searching for the drunk girl who had called out earlier , but she was gone . As he worked through his set , he struggled to be heard above all the talking and to turn the heads in the crowd . Then , dejected , he went to his quieter material . He poured his soul into Bob Marley 's " Redemption Song , " and when it was over , there was a pause in the conversation . " Thank you very much , " Mitchell said into the microphone . Then a young voice from the back called out to him - - aggressively , clearly , emphasizing each word equally : " What are you doing here ? " There was laughter , and then quiet . Mitchell 's eyes went hard , and he quickly looked down . You don 't get mad at the crowd , Mitchell , he said to himself . For an instant , he focused on the shoes of the people up front . All he saw were shoes . And goddamnit ! Right in front of him there was someone wearing the exact same boots he had on . The exact same kind . He spoke : " I 'm here . . . I came down here tonight - - " They were all looking at him , and he urged the idea that was taking shape in his head to hurry the hell up . Then it hit him . " I came here tonight , " he said matter - of - factly , " for some applause . " A girl 's voice giggled , and that sent him forward , talking quickly to drown out all other voices before any of them had a chance to attack . " I am entitled to my share of applause in this stinking world and I am going to sit right here and play the songs I want to play until every one of you ungrateful brats is on your feet crying ' More ! More ! More ! ' " He allowed himself a pause , and a few surprised laughs came from different parts of the room . " Wooooo ! " a woman 's voice exclaimed . There was a slight gasp as they realized that Allison , of all people , was being put on the spot . But the crowd had begun to react to Mitchell 's new spirit , and as he dug into " You 're So Vain , " strumming hard , the yells started , and then the place began to rock - - they slammed their hands on the top of the bar , they howled nonsense , they clapped and they stomped their feet ; a tall girl in a tank top held a lighter aloft , and a few older guys even yelled along with Mitchell as the place exploded with a crazy release of noise . The song rode the mob 's swelling energy until the end , and then fighting her way through the crowd , forcibly pushing her way to the front , came Allison , her face twisted with emotion and almost unrecognizable . " Encore ! " she yelled , from the bottom of her . " Encore ! " Abel felt bad , but he held the thing with both hands . His fingers could feel its little ribs . Eric tipped the can , spilling some gas . The cat squirmed wildly , and Eric couldn 't get it lit . Then Abel lost it . It darted left and away , slipping under the old Buick . Abel looked at the older boy 's red freckles . " Sorry , " he said . " Jeez , it 's gone now . What are we supposed to do now ? " Eric asked glumly . His face was pinched and severe , like he 'd just sucked a lemon . Abel lowered his eyes to the stained cement floor of the garage . He thought the big oil spot looked like a giant lake , but from up in an airplane . " No way , " said Eric . The day was ruined . Eric left and Abel was alone . Abel wondered how fast the Buick used to be . It was a fixture in the garage , covered with out - of - season toys and junk and dust . It was a windy day . The wind whistled in through a crack in the garage door . Abel found a spider web and went looking for something to put in there . One time he saw a great fight when he 'd put a bee in a web . Far away , an ice cream truck played its tune . The cat came out from under the Buick and stood by the door at the back . His mom called , dragging out his name . Her voice carried over the whole neighborhood . " Yeah ? " he said . She lowered her voice . " Come in and eat , honey . " " I 'm not so hungry , " Abel said . He moved slowly toward the cat . The cat 's eyes widened . Her fur was matted and she stank of gasoline . " Come on in , Abel . I made you a Wimpy - - " Abel took up the cat , opened the door , and went around to the side of the house where the hose lay in a tangle . Eric is a jerk , he thought . I should kill him . Come forth into the light of things Let Nature be your Teacher - WordsworthAlthough he was the third - best distance runner on the team , Errol had felt he was a little too smart for track and field . It had always been a great release , and at first he found a reward in working against himself and seeing what he was made of and all that , but then it began to seem senseless . He started to joke with his teammates as they ran their endless laps , yelling out to them , " Where are you going ? " Despite having given up sports , for a few years Errol continued to wear running shoes . They were comfortable , and he loved to travel by foot , and they lasted a long time , and he hated to spend money unnecessarily . One day , however , he found himself in the shoe section of a resale shop , in front of the size elevens , brought to this place by an almost unconscious need for a change . He was about to leave when his eye fell on a pair of brown loafers that looked almost new . He quickly sat down and put them on . They felt good . Just right . These shoes had a purpose . They were literary shoes . A thought shook him : he was through with running . He wasn 't a runner . He was a poet ! He left his running shoes outside on the lid of a trashcan . They still had some wear left in them , so he thought he might be able to save someone a few dollars , if someone else was through with their old identity and wanted to give running a try . Errol admired his new shoes as he walked home from the resale shop . They were a color of brown that inspired him . After a mile of reflective walking , he noticed that their wide , flat soles made them slightly more comfortable than his old running shoes , though they hindered his naturally fast stride . At his new , slightly slower pace , he found that his thoughts weren 't bent so forcibly inward , and that he could see the world more clearly . Now people seemed to have more distinct features , and all around him the world bloomed with fresh details . Even so , his new fascination was tempered by his old disgust . He had always resented the ever - present thumbprint of human beings on the world : in popular music , with its torturing repetition , in the sameness of houses and streets , in the predicable plainness of everything manmade . Sometimes he would latch on to something new , a book or a band , and be buoyed up by its creative freshness , only to feel deflated a week later , once he found out what made it tick . He was either too smart or too dumb . When he woke the next morning , he remembered his new shoes , and they filled him with confidence . On his walk to school his steps felt solid and sure . Throughout the morning he daydreamed about his new literary life . At lunch he found his friends at their usual table , laughing out loud . Donald , the star of the school 's production of Our Town , had the floor . He had an expressive face that could pull a laugh out of a dying man , and he was on a roll . " Listen , " he continued over their laughter , " No , listen . I 'm not joking ! I 'm not . They are strange people . You wouldn 't believe it . They are odd , and they make me nervous - - how could you feel comfortable around someone who puts on a smile like they 're putting on a tie ? For god 's sakes ! It 's unnatural . And you ! " He screeched incredulously , pointing an accusing finger at Phil , " you say you would like to sleep with one of these people ? Are you sick ? I 'd rather go to bed with a corpse than sleep with an actor ! Really , they 're creepy , believe me - - I know . " Errol 's friends were falling off their seats , choking on their lunches , but Errol checked his own laughter . Whenever he heard anyone talk so smoothly , it made him distrustful . Honest thoughts never flowed from his own mouth so easily . They emerged as little bits of speech , just half sentences , and only when they were all mostly out could he begin to summarize them . He felt that anyone who could speak so fluidly must have a kind of internal speech - writer who preprocessed their thoughts and reorganized them before they were spoken . He felt that as the phrasing of a thought was being straightened out there would be an irresistible temptation to polish its sentiments as well , which would , bottom line , distort the truth of what the person felt . Errol knew that he was probably the only one who had picked up on this . After school , he saw Lokelani , the Hawaiian girl he knew from the track team , and glanced down - - and there were the shoes saying Of course you can ! He walked right up to the girl , and asked if she 'd like to walk home , you know , with him . She was a grade younger , and he thought that she liked him , and all day he had felt like really doing something , and now he had his chance . " Uh , Okay , " she said , but she seemed a little surprised . As his shoes goaded him on , he put his shoulders back and they headed across Ninth Street . It occurred to him that reality was what you made it , and that he could begin to make the world over as he thought it should be . But by the time they had reached the far curb she had gently separated from him . " Oh hey , I forgot something . Um , see ya , " she said , and she turned and re - crossed the street toward the school . Errol watched her go , only partly let down . Maybe the shoes hadn 't given him an absolute free hand in reshaping his life , but in any event they had clearly helped him do something he never would have done on his own . He walked on toward downtown with a sense that more great things were in store . On the way he passed through a residential neighborhood . There were dark shadows on bright green trees , and waxy , dark green leaves on the shrubs . A tree had fallen over from old age . An old woman said hello as he passed . A strip of tall grass divided two neighbors ' manicured lawns . It was pleasant , but like a hospital 's waiting room - - it was too something - - angular , somehow . There was a single - minded geometry to all the streets , the boulevards , the sidewalks , yards , and houses . At the square in the center of downtown , he sat on a step next to a lone policeman , who silently observed . What did the cop look for when he scanned the clusters of families and the groups of high school and college kids , and the one knot of shirtless tattooed guys at the far end of the courtyard ? What did he see ? Errol thought he might pass the time by eavesdropping , but no conversations were distinguishable from where he sat . In the center of the square a hushing waterfall poured out of a sculpture , and the square was suffused by the noise of traffic on three sides . People 's voices were lifted away in the wind like abbreviated melodies . A boy and his grandmother passed by . The thin kid ran and jumped on a low wall , but his enthusiasm was only half - hearted . As a group of middle - aged , well - off men walked along talking , their hands made small , empty gestures in the air . A line of junior high kids sat on a wall with their backs to him . One had bright orange hair , and another wore a backpack designed to look like a pair of folded wings . A woman , by herself . He remembered walking through Grant Park at night as a kid and feeling protective of the women who passed through it alone . The woman photographed the potted plants and wildflowers that had been set out around the waterfall sculpture . Errol thought the plants were nothing special , so why would she bother ? Did she work for the paper ? Or was she actually using her camera 's built - in zoom lens to discretely photograph the people in the square ? Errol half - hid his face with his hand as her lens crossed his line of vision . He heard someone 's tiny sneeze , and then it was echoed by a grandiose sneeze of the air brakes of a bus on the street . A man with a yellow and black striped sweater and large black sunglasses moved in and out of a circle of women . A bike messenger ran into an older man who had stepped out into traffic . Errol got up to go . The square had put him in a bad mood , and he thought about all the things that he didn 't like about the world : over - simplifications , assumptions , reproductions , simulations - - he looked around him : everything seemed inaccurate , dishonest , and cheap . Disgusted , his mind began to thrash about . Who had created this mess ? He walked quickly out of downtown , avoiding people 's eyes , and eventually came to his own neighborhood . His temper cooled , and his thoughts turned to his newt , and as the sun set , he thought of the ham that would be waiting for him at home . His street had a community garden on the corner , and as he walked by it he saw a man he 'd never seen before working inside . The man was below average height , though not quite a dwarf , and had dark sideburns and big ears half - covered with a floppy hat . Leather suspenders held up his work pants , which were cut full to accommodate his huge rear end and thighs . He seemed steady on his legs , though they tapered dramatically toward his feet , where a hoe and a pan of seeds lay on the ground . The man looked up at Errol and spoke to him . His voice had the quality of dark chocolate . " Hello neighbor . Come and get some flowers for your mother , " he said . Errol was hungry , but the man had already stooped to assemble a bouquet , so Errol entered the garden and waited . It felt cooler there . As the man took several halting steps over to another patch of flowers , Errol couldn 't help but think of a dog walking on its hind legs . " Dear me , dear me , " said the man , crouching before a lily that had drooped under the weight of its own bloom . Suddenly , Errol felt like he had found the solace he 'd been searching for his whole life . There it was , right under his nose ! He stared , wide - eyed , at the green things around him . They were not over - simplified approximations of beauty ; they were alive , like he was ! He strained to really see the details before him , awestruck by the complexity of the growing things , especially at their edges , at the ends of branches and in the petals of flowers ; in new buds and in leaves and in the way they grew out in a hundred directions , and all toward the sun ; and in the way the sun 's light and the resulting shadows fell upon each one . He closed his eyes to smell it all , and he noticed the breeze against him - - how genuine and inconsistent it was ! After some time , Errol remembered his hunger and rose to leave . He turned around to thank the strange man for the bouquet , but he was nowhere to be seen , and so Errol put three dollars into the pan of seeds in a rush , and headed for home . Down the middle of the street he went , watching the cracks that ran through the asphalt , and he became aware of the Nature that quietly moved in everything - - this was the complex truth his mind had craved all these frustrated years . As he looked , he was released into a new reality , one that he felt he could more or less accept . He realized , with smiling shame , that all his life , all this time , he hadn 't been too smart or too dumb or too anything - - he just hadn 't been paying enough attention . The thought filled him with a profound humility , and a gratitude that bordered on joy . When there was no food , Maggie would leave empty boxes and cartons in the fridge and on the shelves so it would look like there was food . When she went down the hall the floor creaked beneath her . The radiator hissed . She stood by the window . There was no moon . She went to the sink , poured and drank three glasses of water , pulled her robe close , and returned to bed . Wade was awake . She settled into his arms , and he began to kiss her neck and shoulders . Their lovemaking had become noiseless after the baby came . Now any amount of quiet time in the apartment was priceless . Wade was no day at the circus , Maggie thought , but the magic wasn 't gone . They moved together with an absolute familiarity , the result of five years of nights together in the same bed . Maggie was happy with this kind of slow magic . She loved Wade . About a month before , though , something had begun to happen whenever they made love . It evolved so slowly , so naturally , that it in no way seemed abnormal to Maggie now . As they began , her mind would slowly slip away from Wade , and she would fantasize . It came upon her involuntarily , and she never felt guilty enough to tell Wade about it . These fantasies always started without detail , just a fuzzy outline of grays . But they soon came into sharp focus . A man . He was usually young and always well - dressed . His shirt was white and crisply ironed , with a smart bow tie knotted tightly beneath his starched collar . Her mind quickly filled in the rest , like a painting in progress - - the black pants , the polished patent leather shoes - - this part was often the same . The man 's face was never flushed . He was never breathing heavily . He always stood straight and tall , with a capable attentiveness , a pleasant smile animating his pleasant lips . He delivered his words in a clean baritone that made Maggie shiver : " Good evening , Madam . Are you ready to order ? " Now everything sped up . Excitement bubbled through her , sometimes spilling out in an odd giggle that surprised her and Wade both . It was the laugh of a girl withomaggie Even in the photograph that they used on the cover , you can see her tensing up , defensive , bracing for the criticism she knew was coming . She shouldn 't have worn white . You have to be dark to look good in white , she thought , like that waitress at Peoney 's - - or like Anne . They said it would bring out the color in her face ; well , they were wrong . And the watch - - they said the watch would give her an air of authority . That 's me , that 's me , she thought , always watching the clock , always uptight . She had felt like a doll , in the worst sense , having them manipulate her limbs like that , and then to have it come out like this , so stiff , so posed . During the shoot she had tried to collect all her discomfort and change it into confidence and beam it out of her eyes and into the camera and on into the world , into all the kitchens of Today 's Vegetarians . But they 'd done so many poses , she had gotten tired , and now anyone who looked could see it plainly on the book 's cover . Ever since she had decided to write , she had kept a blue notebook with her at all times and prodigiously filled one after another . When she ran out of cookbook material , she 'd just write anything at all , believing that if she ever stopped completely she might never start again . Because of this , her notebooks had become littered with diary entries , and so it was often painful , coming across these raw confessions , when it came time to condense her notebooks into manuscript form . " Where is that girl ? " she said out loud , checking her watch . Then she got her notebook , went to the couch , and began scribbling : Who I am : Carol . I live alone . I wrote a book , the acclaimed author of Today 's Vegetarian . Defensive , American . Lots of trouble keeping pets alive . Sick cat , vet said raw hamburger is best . Vegetarianism . The shifting of beliefs . Middle age . Fed cat veg diet - - no connection to kitty AIDS . Wondering . No children . Only pets . All died . Of course , of course , but why is it so sad ? Cat eats meat now . Now it 's the cat 's life vs . the cow 's life . Cat is not an herbivore , though , is a descendant of the great cats , the saber - toothed tigers . It 's not my fault he 's sick . He needs positives . Psychology and food , comfort food , the placebo effect . When I was a girl a handful of Cool Whip seemed to break my fever . I got it out of the fridge , it " called " me , my body " craved " it . The body knows what it needs . Colon cleanse . raw foods , blood type diet . In the book , I used milk and cheese , but not eggs . A moral line was drawn , but I always disliked eggs , so can that be claimed as a moral good ? Of course not , no . But it worked , in the book , so it was a positive . Cat 's body craving its comfort foods , wants milk ? Wants meat ? Cat 's body knows what it needs ? What is really known about veg ? Hindus have been veg forever , but what studies have been done ? Can you compare two separate lives ? Can you compare a veg with a meat - eater ? Too many factors , but what if veg lowers a vital but hard to measure attribute , like the ability to appreciate beauty or to feel love ? What if I am missing out ? What is important in life ? To have a varied experience ? Or to live spiritually ? Does veg bring you closer to your senses , or maybe detach you from your senses ? It 's all up to you what you make of these things . So everything is subjective ? No , starving to death is not all in your head . What about the bond between an owner and a pet . Could I have made Jones sick , by being guilty or neurotic or something ? Is a cat subjShe threw down her pen and glanced across the page . Her writing had a lovely right - leaning slant , she thought . She had always thought so . Her mind turned back to the book . She hadn 't been ready to let go of the manuscript , had she ? Yet she also felt she had done all she could , given the deadline . And now the thing was done , she couldn 't touch it again , people would read it as it was . The doorbell finally rang . She walked through the kitchen on the way and put on the tea kettle . Soon it will be over , she thought , and she let out a deep breath , and then let Anne in . Anne 's arms were full , and she was out of breath . Carol took the big white dress box from her and left her holding the ground beef . She opened the box and took out a green crushed velvet dress . This will get me through the evening , she thought . In the elegant dress , along with her rhinestone brooch , it wouldn 't matter if she was pale or tense or old , or heartbroken over her cat or about to throw up . It was a shallow ploy , but it always worked , and she knew it would get her through the book signing . As she put the dress aside , it occurred to her that Anne surely never had to connive like this . " How is Jones ? " asked Anne . " The same , " Carol answered flatly . She was finished being polite to Anne ; it was clear that it was a wasted effort . What did she know about life , or about loss ? No , she reconsidered , that was all wrong . " He 's just the same , Dear , just the same , " she said , as a way of starting over , and turned toward the young woman . " He 's at the vet now . He stayed there last night . I wasn 't doing him any good here . " " Oh , I suppose not , " Anne agreed , but it rubbed Carol the wrong way . Why am I pandering to this idiot ? she thought . All she does is torture me with her dark hair and her healthy skin . She turned away , squeezing the dress box , but caught herself . " Would you like some tea , Anne ? " After Carol changed into the dress , they settled in to drink their tea on the couch . Anne smoothed her skirt . " That green goes great with your eyes . You 're really going to wow them tonight . " " Oh , let 's not talk about that , " Carol said quickly . They were quiet . Carol leaned nearer , and looked at Anne 's cheekbones . " Anne , can I get your opinion on something ? " she asked , confidentially . " I want to know , well , do you think I could have had anything to do with Jones getting sick ? " " I suppose so , Dear , " said Carol , looking away . She caught the dangling brooch . " I fed him only vegetarian food , Anne , his whole life . " " No , no , no , " Carol said irritably . " Not good . Cats are not herbivores , Anne , cats are carnivores - - didn 't you know that ? Descendants of the great cats , the saber - tooth tigers . " Anne 's face began to freeze . " They aren 't meant to eat vegetables , Dear , they want milk . They want meat . That 's why you went all the way to Nature 's to get that hamburger this morning , remember ? " Her voice had risen , and Anne began to shrink into the couch . Carol took a breath and lowered her voice , but didn 't let up . " You don 't think much of me , do you , Anne ? You don 't think I 'm very grounded , do you ? A little flaky , huh ? All this time , " she parodied Anne 's voice : " ' I work for that author , Carol Combs - - she 's a little flaky , but she pays me well . ' Is that it ? You think I 'm the type of person that would let my cat get sick in the name of some half - baked ideal , don 't you ? " Now she half - hollered through her anger , blinking and shaking her head when a word wouldn 't come . " Like I don 't know what 's . . . natural and what 's . . . obviously unnatural ? Do you think I 'm one of those self - righteous . . . flakes who can 't face up to the way things really are . . . who would rather let their baby die than get it vaccinated ? " Neither of them spoke as Anne drove Carol to the bookstore . Anne dropped Carol off in front , where she found a large crowd waiting for her . She greeted them warmly , said a few words about B vitamins , and then took a few questions . As she signed her books , she was funny , and gracious , and did her best to reach out to those who were nervous , letting them know with a friendly smile or a self - deprecating joke that there was nothing to be nervous about . She had blooms in her cheeks , which made the green of her dress come alive , and occasionally her brooch sparkled , despite the bookstore 's florescent light . Anne , still pale , busily arranged things and greeted Carol 's fans , although she must have guessed that she was fired . By Tom McTigheIllustrated by Xtal GiarthI guess I was a pretty typical high school guy - I didn 't really have any interests , except for girls . Megan Caulley , however , wasn 't typical of the beauties that distracted me from my high school studies . In my daydream world of deified Scandinavian girls , she stood a little shorter than average , with ordinary brown hair . Her face was nothing dramatic , either , but set within it were a pair of eyes that made me curious . They danced with cleverness , cunning , or mischief , depending on the day of the week - scaring off half the guys in school and attracting the rest . During the first years of high school , she had had a few boyfriends , but as it turned out each of them ran with a different crowd , so she had no reputation . Without rumors or gossip to guide me , I was on my own . I began my investigation in art class one Friday , and we went out for an aimless drive in the country that weekend . We had been dating a few weeks ( well , I 'd gotten her out on a handful of dates , although I really wasn 't sure if we were dating - I was too afraid of sounding unsure to actually come out and ask her if we were ) , before I started to figure her out . Like most people who find themselves blessed ( or burdened ) with having many prospects to choose from , she had developed a technique for narrowing down her choices , and soon I became well acquainted with this technique . I might get into her car , for instance , for a day trip to the river , and she 'd have the classical station on , and tell me that she only listened to classical now , so we 'd listen to classical music all day . I never could tell how much of her was really into classical now , and how much of her just wanted to see if I was flexible enough to put up with it . The next week , she couldn 't stand classical - she said she only listened to classic rock , or country . In someone else , this behavior would have irritated me , but Megan made it into an all - encompassing joke . Although it was kind of extreme , I didn 't begrudge her tTags Gretel snatched off her clip - on earrings , pulled her hair back in a tight bun , and buttoned up her white blouse , concealing the black Scorpions T - shirt she had bought the day before . She left the phone booth and headed through the blowing leaves toward the bakery . God , I 'm fourteen , she thought . What good is living in America if you can 't dress like an American ? From the minute Gretel got off the plane last fall , her Aunt Marjorie had watched her like a hawk . Marjorie always said , " A pretty peach is easily bruised - so I handle you with care . " Gretel had to laugh at that . It was sweet . But Marjorie simply couldn 't be everywhere all the time . Marjorie managed the Strudel Haus , and had gotten Gretel a summer job there . Since Gretel worked the counter , she didn 't have to be in until eight , but up until last week , Marjorie made her wake up and go in with her at five anyway . It took endless wheedling , but Gretel had finally convinced Marjorie to let her start walking to work by herself - it was only twelve blocks ! Marjorie bought them each a cell phone and said , " Well … Okay . " It had been a struggle , living with Marjorie , but Missy had given Gretel hope . Missy was a lifeguard at the Rec Center , where Gretel took swimming lessons . After only a few short weeks , Missy had won Marjorie 's complete trust . She could be incredibly polite and mature when she wanted to be , but underneath she was actually just ordinary - and she knew something about boys . Gretel tucked in her shirt and turned the corner , and saw Marjorie waiting out front as usual . Gretel liked Marjorie , even though she was a worrier . Like Gretel , Marjorie didn 't have much of a chin , but it didn 't seem to bother her . Her eyes always seemed to have a little light behind them . Gretel liked working at the bakery . Her hands were constantly busy , but her mind was often free to wander . Having run out of plastic wrap , Gretel left her daydream and the muffins and went to look for some more . She found a big commercial box , already opened , on the supply shelf . With effort , she hefted it up and headed back to her workbench . Coming around the dishwasher she slipped , and one end of the box went into the air . As it came down , the serrated edge cut across her left wrist like a violin bow , and Gretel 's mouth went dry as blood sprang up above her arm in a ghastly red fountain . Marjorie put the phone down , grabbed a towel from where it hung on the oven door , wrapped Gretel 's wrist , and firmly held the girl 's hand up , above her head , reassuring her all the while with a gentle stream of talk . When she saw that Gretel was sturdy on her feet and beginning to calm down , she said , " Keep the pressure on it and keep it above your heart . I 'll get my car keys . " She moved swiftly away in her stooped - over fashion and returned sooner than Gretel had expected . " You must really want a day off , " Marjorie joked as she knocked the big metal back door open with her shoulder . Glossy autumn sunshine colored the parking lot . Gretel 's arm felt warm under the towel , and cool and sticky around it . As they drove out to the hospital , her mind settled back upon the events of yesterday . Gretel and Missy were walking together . The sky was streaked with pink ; time was running out . Gretel had her hooded sweatshirt on , with the hood up , although it was still quite warm . They decided to check out the arcade - an assortment of video games standing together under a blue tarp - to see if anyone they knew was still hanging around . Gretel was filled with adrenaline . The day had been long and her body was tired , but the roller coaster was still on her mind . She had managed to avoid it all day , had gently steered Missy away from it , until finally Missy caught on and insisted they ride it together . But Gretel couldn 't get herself to do it . It felt like when she was little and had tried to pull out a tooth that wasn 't quite ready . In spite of the pain , she continued to command her fingers to pull , until they simply refused to obey . She lost her grip on the tooth , and then it was like her whole arm got too tired to hold itself up . Her body had resisted gently at first , but eventually declared a total mutiny against her brain . In fact , getting on the roller coaster seemed like suicide , and her feet wouldn 't let her get near it . Missy nagged her about it for awhile , said she had to face her fears . They bought donut holes , and Gretel spent her last twenty dollars on the Scorpions shirt . Eventually they found themselves in front of the arcade , so they went in to see who was around . Gretel watched them talk for a minute , then stepped out from under the tarp and looked off down the Midway . Nothing stood between her and the roller coaster . Up on the elevated track , the cars had begun their ascent toward the final summit . " Gretel . " She could hear the machinery straining as it pulled its load upward . " Gretel . Hey . " She became aware of her legs , stiff with adrenaline , then the ground beneath her feet , and then the boy who had come up to stand beside her . " Gretel , I need some money . I 'm out of quarters . You got any ? " Cliff was Dan 's younger brother . He was a farm kid , and seemed more susceptible to the attractions of city - made things because of it - he loved machines . Gretel had seen him sit and tinker with the insides of a computer for hours while other kids watched TV . He was also a video game junkie . He 'd been playing a new game since noon , he explained rapidly , but couldn 't get to the third level , where the alien king comes out . " I only have tickets left , " Gretel said . Cliff glanced around a bit , but his obsession seemed to fade quickly , as if he accepted the fact that his streak was over . Gretel thought that was cool . " So , what 're you doing ? " he asked , turning his attention to her . Gretel stared ahead . The roller coaster had just dropped its passengers over the top of the last hill , and they had all fallen together , giving out a single , thrilling scream . Now , some spent and some jubilant , they staggered out one by one through the turnstile , and Gretel strained to see their faces . " No , " she answered . She glanced back at Missy and Dan . Missy leaned on the game , laughing , while Dan played . A cloud of dust blew past . " You can come if you want , for support , " Gretel said . Cliff shrugged and grinned . Gretel yelled at Missy : " Wait here . We 're gonna ride the Scream - a - tron ! " Gretel knew Cliff had been on the ride a hundred times , and now she 'd have someone to steady her nerves . She tugged his arm , and they ran up and got in line . The smell of grilled sausages and something sweet hung in the air . She handed the carnie their tickets . " This 'll be great , " she said quietly . The Scream - a - tron delivered what its name had promised . Two hills and a few curves into the ride Gretel was ready to call it quits , and after the first big hill she balled herself up against Cliff and wrapped her arms around him . The two of them were lifted clear out of their seats on the descents , although Cliff did his best to keep them steady , bracing his big boots against the front of the car and pushing back hard against the seat , with one arm holding the safety bar and the other holding on to Gretel . During the last ascent to the final summit , Gretel became vaguely aware of a high , whimpering sound that accompanied each shallow breath she took . A tear ran down into her ear . Her heart galloped , and it felt like the whole world was hanging from her by a rope . Then the weight was gone , they were falling , and Gretel heard a new voice shrieking with the wind . Then it was over . The car jerked to a stop . Gretel sat up quickly , but needed a minute to get her legs beneath her . On the way out she kept her head down and kind of felt her way through the turnstile . After a few shaky breaths , she realized that the danger had passed , but felt a hot rush of shame as scenes from her performance on the ride flared up in her memory . Cliff examined his boots for a minute , then looked up at Gretel . " You did it , " he said . She saw his eyes were lit with admiration , and her embarrassment dissolved . Yeah , she did do it , she thought , she rode that bastard , and she would never have to do it again . " Yeah , I guess I did do it , " she gloated softly . Her hood was down . She let it be . Cliff had his eyes on her teeth , and he smiled . Gretel smiled back . The way he looked made her realize what she was to him - older , and fine - and she saw an opportunity to live up to his image of her , and to become that person . She gave him a bump with her hip , and he laughed quickly , and so she continued to nudge him along , until they found themselves under the roller coaster 's steel framework . Then she put her arms under his and placed her open palms against his back . His face changed , and that made her more confident . She placed her lips on his , and his mouth opened softly . She gingerly pushed her tongue in past his braces , and there was a slight taste of cinnamon - then his tongue came back pushing past hers . It was all new and pleasant and it continued until Gretel felt something wet on her chin . She pulled away and wiped it with her sleeve , and Cliff wiped his with the back of his hand . " That happens sometimes , " she said , and gave him a reassuring look . Cliff smiled back at her . His face was wide open , like he was lying in a field and looking up at a sky full of stars . As the last of the fair - goers headed for the main gate , a dangerous - looking group of older kids passed by , but in their place in the shadows , Gretel and Cliff went unnoticed . The intern 's jokes and small talk faded . Gretel 's mind turned to the bakery . I do a good job there , she thought . In a few weeks Stacy , one of the bakers , would be leaving . Gretel decided she would ask for her job . Marjorie gave her a ride home . The sky was lit with purple and black . There 's no one like you , Gretel sang , to herself . Under the snug white bandage it felt like the blood was still trying to pour out of her wrist . Mr . Olson was one of those old , old men who had somehow retained his physical power despite the years . Past eighty , he was still often seen in his driveway , loading or unloading his pickup , or working in the yard with a shovel or a rake . But no one mistook him for a young man : his skin was colorless , his cheeks fell slightly inward , and his head was mostly bald , although it was inevitably covered with a weathered gray fishing hat . In contrast to her husband , Mrs . Olson , still youthful at sixty - two , was a small round woman with pink cheeks . The pair would have been cause for comment , had they gone out on the town together or given the occasional dinner party . Looking at them was like seeing two photos side by side - one in black and white , the other in color . Now you might think that marrying someone twenty years older would entitle you to no end of stories and advice , based on the collected wisdom of your mate , but Mr . Olson wasn 't much of a talker . In fact , for Mrs . Olson this was one of his most attractive qualities , since she came from a fairly quiet family herself . Yet Mr . Olson had a quiet that was deliberate , and bordered on a religious conviction . He thought that speech dishonored thoughts ; or rather , that non - verbal communication was a much nobler form of expression . Mr . Olson was a man of great emotion , however , and he made Mrs . Olson feel lucky to have him . Without words , and maybe in part due to their absence , he could bring to her that feeling of unconditional acceptance that all lovers crave . He had a way with gestures , both large and small . She had a Schnauzer named Clarence that , for the most part , Mr . Olson just tolerated . Last summer , though , when the dog got sick , Mr . Olson spent two sleepless nights worrying and carefully nursing him back to health , and since then she had come home on occasion to find the two of them asleep together on the sofa . The sight always filled her with tenderness . On the other hand , having outlived all his friends , Mr . Olson had developed a feeling of correctness thaTags |
I 've only been up to Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore once , and I remember being blown away by the beauty up there . But this time , we got to drive down the coast and saw even more of the emerald green waters and natural beauty . We stopped in the small towns of Frankfurt and Manistee . I can 't wait to go back ! My baby brother came to town last weekend with his wife Laura and his daughter Mariya . Mariya had wanted to see snow , so back in November or December when we were inundated with the fluffy powder , they booked a trip for Mardi Gras weekend . As it got closer , it became more and more obvious that global warming had canceled the snowfall this year , and I texted Terry last week to tell him his winter vacation might be more of a spring vacation . We did get lucky on Saturday with a little light snowfall , so Mariya got to play in it some , but it was mostly gone by Sunday , and the temperatures were on the climb . But at least the more moderate temps gave us a chance to get out and spend some time outdoors . I won 't bore you with the blow - by - blow , but let 's say that we pretty much covered the entire Lake Michigan Coast within an hour of my house , experienced a Viking Fire Fest in middle Michigan and had some of the best pie I 've ever put in my mouth . From my view , it was a pretty nice visit . If I had to pick a day , Sunday was my favorite day . Saturday was stormy , and the wind made anything outdoors uncomfortable after more than 15 minutes . I had to work Monday , so that wasn 't any fun either . But , Sunday , we loaded up the car and headed north . After a really nice lunch in South Haven at Clementine 's II , Terry decided to go off the beaten path and look up a place called Crane 's Pie Pantry in Fennville MI . Crane 's has all kinds of specialties . They are first and foremost an orchard . We passed apple trees and blueberry bushes for sure . The inside of the restaurant was decorated in old memorabilia , the best of which was this stuffed dog who had died 80 years ago . It was more than a little creepy , but it got me to thinking about whether or not I 'd want to stuff Ashok after she 's gone . I could prop her up in the passenger seat , and she could ride around with me through eternity . And I wouldn 't even have to walk her anymore . She 'll be hassle - free ! Terry and Laura got the flight of pies which included a sample of cherry , blueberry , apple and raspberry pie . I asked the waitress what was ' to die for ' , and she recommended the apple . I was a little disappointed because apple just seemed so … you know … . ordinary . But I had asked so I took her suggestion . It was absolutely to die for . And if you are not up for dessert , they have flights of hard cider , beer and wine . It was a special place , and I will definitely be back . We wandered a little more and found an old home place that was set up as a monument because this family was the first family to come to these parts and plant corn . And , if you ever come here , you will see that corn is gold in the Midwest . We grow a lot of fruit in Southwest Michigan , but corn is everywhere . So , I guess this was corn royalty . It was pretty interesting to imagine this place as it might have been . Laura was just imagining this place without the wind . Our last most interesting stop on the back roads was a self - service artisan cheese shop called Evergreen Lane Creamery . We saw the sign for it , and when we drove in the driveway we thought it was closed . There was no one to be seen . We walked inside , and there was a little refrigerator stocked with artisan cheeses , a description of the cheeses on a laminated card and a self - service cash drawer . You see that a lot around here . I hope that these local farmers get nothing but honorable customers . Terry and Laura picked out three of their favorites , made their change , and we were off to Holland MI to see the windmill . The day was full of lighthouses , stairs ( we climbed 305 steps to the top of a dune ) , food , laughter , ice , sand and finally a beautiful sunset . Most people say the summertime would be a better time for them to visit , but the nice thing about the winter is that we have this beautiful place to ourselves . The lack of crowds gave us more time to explore , longer visits with shopkeepers and less of a hassle . I spent last Mardi Gras backpacking in the woods in Mississippi . This year , I got to spend it on the shores of Lake Michigan . Where are we gonna go next year ? On my birthday , I 'm going on a trip down Memory Lane . I thought I 'd compile photos and places where I 've lived . Warning : It will probably be boring to you , but I 've enjoyed doing it . It 's kind of my way of scrapbooking , I guess . You can click on the pictures to get the captions . We spent a lot of time on the beach . . A friend of mine and me in Jacksonville in our apartment My friend Meagan . She would go to the beach with us on Sundays . John and his newspaper Meagan and her family … after we moved . Three school teacher friends of mine from Fort Caroline Junior High where I taught English . And , then John got a new job at the Knoxville News - Sentinel … Wedding # 2 in Sedona The Girls Club in St . Joe MI . We helped each other through some challenging times . Julie , Veronica , Amy , Kathy , Autumn and Joanne . We had sooooo much fun . My favorite Mocha spot . . Cafe Tosi 's The lighthouse in St . Joseph MI And , then Rick wanted to move closer to his kids in Chesterton IN … . I bought us a heavenly hash cake . There 's nothing like chocolate when the day is going badly . And , Lisa to the right of me again ! Me , of course and still walking Queen Bella on her throne . Those beautiful black - eyed susans were the draw , and they did not disappoint . Me , Carryn and Jennifer I 've covered pretty much every area of the country except for the Southwest … hmmmm … . . NEXT … : ) . I 've owned 7 homes , 2 dogs , 5 cats and had 2 step children and two husbands . I 've worked for a zoo , several major corporations , a yoga studio and a university . I have two degrees . I have so many friends that I can 't count them . Life has been good … and eventful . Enjoy the ride … . A long time ago , I heard a Ted Talk by Dave Isay on an initiative called StoryCorps . I 'll let you listen to the Ted Talk for the inspiration for this initiative , but basically it 's a tool to capture people 's stories through interviews . They set up booths in several cities where people had the opportunity to interview loved ones about the details of their lives . The interviews have been uploaded to a database where they can be listened to around the world . Eventually , StoryCorps created an app for smartphones so that everyone could interview their friends and loved ones to archive for future generations . It 's been over a year since I heard about this , but I was immediately enthused about the idea . I know from blogging that is very powerful to tell my stories , and I know that other people have stories that never really get heard . I think that 's terribly sad . I visited my parents today in Pierre Part about an hour from Baton Rouge . I had heard that StoryCorps had an initiative this year to motivate people to interview an elder so that their story could be told and shared with the world . It is called the " Great Thanksgiving Listen " . I had forgotten about it until I got an email reminder today while I was sitting on my parents ' couch . Daddy immediately said no . To my surprise Momma agreed even though she said she was the most boring person . I was so excited that she agreed I had to hurry up and figure out how to use this thing before she decided she was way too boring to do this . We finally got started , and it was one of the most enjoyable conversations I 've had in awhile . I learned several things about my Mother that I didn 't know , and I learned that she and I are alike in ways that I did not realize . She , like me , began exploring travel in the outdoors late in life . And she found it very empowering . But what I 'd really like to ask you to do is to experience this for yourself . It was an incredibly intimate experience having this conversation with Momma . Having the recorder there for a purpose took some of the fear out of doing it . We started out with a series of questions chosen from the website , and after the second one , I was drawn in and forgot about the list of questions . I just wanted to know more . I 'm not sure how it felt for her , but I felt very touched . I think you will find it to be worth the 40 or so minutes that it takes . Don 't know where to start ? Have no idea what to ask ? Here 's a link to some of the questions you can ask . What I love about Baton Rouge today is being close enough to my parents that I can drive over the day after Thanksgiving and have a conversation that I wouldn 't have been able to have in the fuss of a big holiday or in the rush of a short vacation . My parents got a new puppy about six weeks ago . His name is Rosceaux , and he 's an English Cream Golden Retriever . He 's really sweet but has a lot of puppy energy and is not really that small . In their small house , he tries to run off his energy , but a lack of runway trips him up everytime . Ashok is not really dog - friendly , but she does adapt over time if they don 't get thrown together in an aggressive encounter . She runs and plays easily with my brother Sammy 's dogs but has had too many ' not so friendly ' encounters with my younger brother Terry 's dog , so she 's still aggressive with her . Stupidly , when I walked up yesterday afternoon , I let Rosceaux and Ashok go nose to nose , and it turned out to be an aggressive encounter . So , we separated them last night by trading off kennel time and walk times . It was a peaceful evening , although Ashok really seemed to want to get out of jail . This morning , my Dad and I walked the island with our two dogs on leash . Since they 've been back after the walk , they have sniffed each other 's noses and rumps and even passed by close enough to be touching without any issues . I should have known I needed to walk them together as a pack so they 'd get the point . Too often , I forget that a dog 's natural instinct is not like ours . That 's the beauty of the people / dog relationship . It is a beautiful miracle that two very distinct species can co - habitate and - even with huge differences in instinct and behavior - communicate and bond on such a deep level . But in order to co - exist peacefully , I have to remember that her way of greeting new animals is not by shaking hands . Thanksgiving gatherings are no different . Even though my entire family grew up on the same soil with the same ingredients for upbringing , we are all different . I remember when my brothers were younger and full of testosterone , they 'd hit the door at Thanksgiving arguing about politics . The rest of us would roll our eyes and try to get out of the way , hoping that no blood would be spilled . As they 've changed , and their priorities have changed , they have learned to keep their conversations on common ground . The holidays are a way of marking change for me . We are lucky . We have not lost an immediate family member yet due to death or disability . Everybody still has their faculties about them although we are all quite crazy . So , each year we remember the last and on each holiday , I tend to remember how things were 10 years … 20 … years … and even 30 years ago . Some relationships are stronger and some have weakened , but I know that above all , we are all still here . I always find it sad when I hear about estranged siblings - and it is very common - because I know that it leaves a hole in a family no matter how frustrating they might have been . Like dogs , we really do all wish we could just get along . Our pack mentality may be a little different , but in many ways , it is very much the same . DogTV Supermodel Pointing out the birds Totally entranced My parents have a free weekend of DogTV . We laughed about it , but after tuning into it for a bit last night and this morning , I see the benefit . The dogs really are attracted to it . They must do something to the music that keys on their hearing sense because their ears perk up , and they are drawn to it . I can imagine that it does keep a dog company when an owner is gone all day . In a sense , I guess that 's what PeopleTV does for us , too . How many times when I was younger and lonely did TV become my constant friend ? The TV in nursing homes is a gathering place for favorite shows . And , I remember when General Hospital was on in high school , it brought lots of us together . I remember walking into our house in Wood Acres one day , and both of my brothers and their group of friends , whom I dubbed the Jock Flock , were sitting in our living room waiting for it to start . Why would dogs be any different ? We 're waiting for my Uncle and Sammy 's family to converge on Graveyard Island so we can have a small Thanksgiving Day gathering . The entire family will gather on Saturday . Roscoe is peacefully napping on the rug in the living room , and Ashok is slumbering right next to me on the sofa . There 's a pork roast bubbling in the oven , and my Dad is reminiscing about my Grandfather with Terry on the phone . I talked to my sister earlier who had been dealing with a sick grandbaby with an exploding diaper yesterday . She was laughing that I had the right idea about not having babies . The pack is gathering whether virtually or in person . There may be skirmishes if we step into each other 's space . There will probably be a lot of focus on food with bones in it . I 'm sure naps will come into play this afternoon . Upon further examination , maybe we 're much more like dogs than I thought . I just hope that this Thanksgiving no blood will be spilled - canine or human . Although it would certainly be a great story to tell on Thanksgiving next year ! I sliced up a delicious cantaloupe for dinner tonight as a side dish to my summer veggie omelet . Every time I eat cantaloupe or watermelon , I 'm reminded of my Pawpaw King . After he retired from the Standard Oil Co ( today 's Exxon ) , he started a huge garden that took up acres on our property . He grew everything . We ate mounds of veggies all summer long and spent hours shelling peas , shucking corn and picking fruits and veggies for the freezer in the winter . I got so sick of fresh produce . I remember complaining about all the vegetables all the time , and Momma would tell me one day I would appreciate it . I didn 't see how . What I didn 't know is that not everybody had the gift of fresh vegetables , and that 's all we ever had . I never even touched the store - bought stuff until I got out on my own . And , she was right . I would love to have all of those veggies in my back yard now . He grew all of that stuff for us , but his favorite space in the garden was where he grew his melons . He grew watermelons and cantaloupe . We called cantaloupe mushmelons . We ate our mushmelons with salt and pepper , and our watermelons with salt . Pawpaw was obsessed with watermelons . We ate them twice a day in the summertime . We had a picnic table between our house and theirs , and we had watermelon in the heat of the afternoon and after dinner . On some occasions , we 'd cut a third one , too . And if anybody came over , we 'd definitely cut a watermelon . We were always icing melons because you know you can 't eat them at room temperature . I can still see those watermelon feasts as plain as day . Pawpaw was skinny , skinny and super high energy . Nobody in our family is skinny . But , he was always doing something , and I imagine he burned calories like a furnace . He would wrap his arms around a watermelon and lug it over to the picnic table while we waited for him to cut it . He had a big fat butcher knife , and he 'd stab the melon with it . He 'd exclaim how pretty it was or be disappointed that it was not ripe . He had plenty so if it wasn 't ripe , we wouldn 't waste time eating it . He 'd just get another . After he cut it most of the way , he 'd open it up with his hands leaving jagged edges on the sides that weren 't sliced with a knife . No matter how many times we ate watermelon , he always reacted with an expression that made me think he was seeing a watermelon for the first time . When I buy watermelons today , I still feel there 's a great mystery to getting a good one , and I slice it with eager anticipation to see if it 's a good one or one that 's not ripe . I don 't have a garden with plenty of melons . so it 's a huge disappointment if it 's not a good one . I usually ask the produce guy to pick me a ' good ' un ' . Pawpaw would probably faint at the price of melons today . After he 'd cut it , he 'd slice it into quarters the long way and then slice it again into 8ths . We 'd take our butter knives and eat our slice , flicking off seeds and spitting them across the yard . He always told us if we swallowed them , we 'd grow watermelons in our stomach . We had our container of Morton salt on the table for handy use . We didn 't use plates or napkins of any kind , and I remember having watermelon juice all over my arms and legs by the end of such a feast . As I got older and more persnickety , that 's the part I hated the most . I didn 't want to get the sticky juice all over me . But , Pawpaw didn 't care . He loved his watermelons , and he could not understand … . and probably didn 't even trust … anyone who didn 't like watermelons . Once summer got started , Pawpaw would head up to Washington Parish in Louisiana to get a load of watermelons . Washington Parish is famous for its watermelons , and Pawpaw appreciated them enough that he 'd make the drive with a little trailer and buy a whole trailer load . Some years he 'd make the trip more than once . I imagine he loved talking to the farmers up there about their melons . In the summertime , he never went on any long trip without a trunk - load or a trailer load of his favorite sweet snack . My brothers and sisters and I still laugh about the long trips we 'd take to Destin in the summer . Today , the drive is shorter , but back then , there were no interstate highways , and , of course the speed limits were lower . He 'd drive about 35 miles an hour the whole way because he was worried about his watermelons . He 'd pull off on the side of the road frequently because he had to ' shift ' the watermelons . It took us forever to get to the beach , but we damned sure had our watermelons for snacks when the day got long and hot . My second husband loved watermelons , too . He laughed at me with my salt on my watermelon . And , he would eat small servings . I 'd cut my 8th slice and sit down to eat it . and He 'd tease me because I was making a pig out of myself . I 've seen people slice them in round slices . It somehow seems sacrilegious for me not to cut it the same way Pawpaw did . Besides , there 's not the suspense and the ' pop ' of the melon that precludes the peek inside of that beautiful red fruit . Pawpaw would take a bite of every melon and go on and on about how sweet it was . I used to think that some were sweet and some weren 't , but for some reason , ours were always sweet . I still look for the ones that aren 't sweet . I 've never really found one . I think Pawpaw just loved the sweetness of that ruby red fruit so much that when it hit the tip of his tongue he was elated every single time . I don 't buy watermelons all the time now . With one person in the house , they go bad too quickly . But , at least once a summer , I have to buy one . I have to admit when I moved into this house and walked out the squeaky screen door and saw my picnic table , I immediately thought it would be a great place to eat a watermelon . When I do buy them , I invite Pawpaw to have them with me . He always obliges . I have to cut it , but I hear him as clear as day exclaiming , ' It 's so sweet ! ' And I giggle as I slide that salted chilled fruit past my teeth and drip watermelon juice down my arm . This one 's for you , Pawpaw . I left this morning to visit my brother Terry 's family in Diamondhead . Diamondhead is one of those communities that I remember hearing about when I was in high school . At the time it was being built , I remember adults talking about it as a fancy resort sort of destination , but I never went to Diamondhead until after my first marriage ended . In fact , my family rented a condo there the week after I left my first husband . I was in a daze and very confused and hurt , and I don 't remember that trip very fondly . In fact , I was so overwhelmed with the separation that I couldn 't handle the interpersonal interactions of my family that week . About Wednesday I decided I had to leave … and leave right then … at 8 PM at night . I lived in Knoxville , and I drove all night to get home . I had to be by myself . I was so raw that I couldn 't think straight . But , that 's a long time ago , and today 's trip is much more pleasant . I left home this morning early and made the two hour trek with very little difficulty . Laura fixed us an amazing ham and cheese sandwich with ham right off the bone , and I set out on an adventure with my niece , Mariya . They discovered a little creek down the road , and they assured me I 'd love it . From the road it looked like a ditch , but just beyond the piled up concrete at the beginning was the prettiest little sandy creek you 've ever seen . The water was clear , and it was really cool . We hiked it for awhile . There was no trail beside it , so we hiked right in the creek . The sandy bottom made a perfect hiking trail . The deeper areas were populated with minnows , and raccoon tracks lined the sandy banks . There were even a couple of little miniature sand beaches that made a nice place to sit if you wanted to rest . Raccoon TRacks on the bank We turned around after about 1 / 2 mile or so and headed back the same way we came in . It started to sprinkle , and , by the time we made it back to the road , it was raining pretty hard . Along the way , we saw lots of wildflowers , the prettiest of which I failed to capture in a clear picture . Mariya went on home in the rain while I walked in it and looked at the wildflowers . I was soaking wet when I got back , but it felt good to be cooled off from the heat . Right before it started raining , I mentioned how hot it was . Mariya said that if it starts to get hotter when it rains down here , there is more rain to come . Furthermore , if it gets cool , the rain is about to end . I asked her if that was her own experience or something she learned , and she assured me it was her own experience . She 's a smart little gal . Our walk home in the rain . When I got back , we all put on swimsuits and headed out to their backyard which is Rotten Bayou . We hopped in the water and floated on some chairs in the water . Laura and I talked about all kinds of things including my love life or the lack thereof and our experiences moving here from afar . We watched her dog Sunny swim to the other side of the bayou and jump out of the water like something was after her . We couldn 't see what was going on , but she kept jumping around and lunging at something . We finally decided it must be a snake , and about that time she darted back into the water and came back across . Whatever it was , it spoiled her grand time . After our swim , I decided to treat everybody to ice cream at Dairy Queen , and we headed over for a cool , creamy treat . I got the hot fudge sundae , and Laura and Mariya shared the Peanut Buster Parfait . It was yummy . I stopped to look at some old photos of vintage Dairy Queens up front while I waited for my sundae . I remember my favorite Dairy Queen of all time was the one in Destin FL . We 'd go on long vacations to Destin when I was a girl because Daddy would finally be able to take vacation after all of the LSU sport seasons were over . On most days - after we 'd spent all morning body - surfing waves in the Gulf of Mexico - we 'd head over to the Dairy Queen for a treat . I know I loved banana splits , but I don 't imagine I got those very often . As a little girl , that would have been a lot of ice cream in my tummy . I probably opted for the hot fudge sundae if it was in Daddy 's budget . I love those things , and they will always be one of my favorite ice cream treats . Today 's was no exception . Now , it 's quiet . Mariya is at a friend 's house , Terry and Sasha just came home from working on their 1965 pickup truck , and Laura is having a cool drink to relax . I 'm feeling the breeze off the bayou . It 's really quiet out here . I can hear Laura greeting Terry and catching up on the day . I see the current in the bayou floating leaves and other green matter out to wherever the tide ends up . The beach across the way is visible now . Earlier in the day , the tide was up , and we could barely see it . Ashok is laying at my feet just like she does at home . I can 't imagine that this peaceful bayou can be as ferocious as it was during Katrina . That 's how they bought the house . They repaired it from the extensive flooding after the hurricane and have made a beautiful home . I asked my brother why they call it Rotten Bayou , and he thinks people around here may have called it Rattan Bayou after the reeds that grow along the banks , and over the years it became Rotten Bayou because of the inflections of southern pronunciation . Their friends are gathering here for dinner , and we 're having grilled steak with the squash that I brought from the Red Stick Market in Baton Rouge . It 's been a really nice lazy day on the banks of a Mississippi bayou . I was reading a blog the other day by an Englishman who moved to Australia when he was young . Australia 's seasons are directly opposite ours . Christmas falls in the middle of summer . He said there were lots of people who migrated from England to Australia at that time , and it was laughable to watch them try to keep their Christmas traditions . Plum pudding and duck was not the greatest way to eat in 95 degree temps . Australians string a few Christmas lights on the BBQ pit , eat a light lunch and then head for the beach . The Englishmen sweated and filled their bellies and were miserable heading to the beach afterwards . There are some things that are hard to change , and Christmas traditions are one . My family always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve . My Dad put off his Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve , so he always running around getting things for us right up to the time we unwrapped gifts . Momma made gumbo for dinner . Now , much like the English , you have to realize that often it is 85 degrees at Christmas down here . The windows and doors might be open or the AC turned on because we are all sweating like crazy trying to celebrate the winter holiday in summer conditions . By God , we were going to wear sweaters and winter clothes - regardless of how hot it was . So , gumbo was not always the most appropriate Christmas Eve dish , but it 's what we always had . My Dad 's parents opened gifts with us on the afternoon of Christmas Eve . He was an only child , so that made the most sense , and for many years , we lived in their backyard . Occasionally , some of the Graves cousins would come over with their kids , and we 'd have a big free - for - all . After we opened gifts , the Open House party would begin . In fact , more than once , the Open House guests arrived before we were done unwrapping gifts . Booze , food and people would start to fill the house early in the evening . We never sent invites , but the same people would drop by year after year . As we got older , the guest list gew to include our friends , and the party got bigger and bigger . The party went on until the wee hours of the morning and usually included Daddy making prank calls on some LSU greats like Dale Brown , Charlie Mac or somebody else he worked with . The party always … always ended with Momma making biscuits for breakfast . By the time I got old enough to know the truth about the magic that happens on Christmas Eve , I began to look forward to those Open House parties . Momma and Daddy said the first one happened one Christmas Eve after they had gone to bed . They heard a knock at the door , and a couple Daddy knew from work was standing there . They stayed up and drank and talked until the wee hours of the morning . They had so much fun that they told other people to stop by the next year . And , stop by they did . Christmas Eve is thought of as family time , but there are so many people that don 't have places to go , and an impromptu informal party fits the bill . The party went on consistently for about 10 years . It grew by leaps and bounds when kids our age started coming and hanging out . I had moved away by 1984 , but it was THE place I 'd meet up with old friends when I 'd come home . In 1989 , there was a hard freeze in these parts , and , unlike places up north , Southern Louisiana pipes aren 't insulated . The party was ON regardless , and there was no water … read no toilets . One tree was designated the men 's room and another tree on the other side of the yard was for the women . But , traditions and parties die hard here . A little inconvenience like toilets was not going to stop the frivolity . Our little kitchen was the place to be . In my brother 's " jock " years , young men lined the cabinets , holding their cups of magic and teasing me and my sister and our friends . It was the one place where I got to hang out with my parent 's friends from work that I had heard about over the years . I felt like it was a window into the grown - up world before I got there myself . Our Christmas Day was pretty non - existent except for the hangovers once Santa quit stopping by . A big meal didn 't appeal to anyone , and Christmas day lunch was usually something small but maybe a little festive . Our holiday was Christmas Eve . My parents had to have been exhausted , especially in the years when Santa was still in business . Momma always took down the tree the day after Christmas . I think she was glad it was over . I was stunned when I moved away , and people left their trees up beyond the New Year 's holiday . Christmas Eve 's are more quiet now for us . If you don 't have kids at Christmas , you are sort of a tag - a - long and dependent on the hospitality of friends and family . I guess that 's why the Christmas Even party was such a success for my parents . My parents and I have spent many Christmas 's together . I treated them to a Christmas train ride on the City of New Orleans one Christmas . They boarded in New Orleans and met us in Union Station in Chicago . We 've spent Christmas in the mountains in Tennessee at a State Park lodge . Many times the three of us have celebrated a really quiet Christmas Eve on the dock on Graveyard Island in Pierre Part LA . It 's where I am today . Just a couple of years ago , they came up to Memphis , and we ate at the Paula Deen buffet at a Tunica casino . We went on a Christmas Riverboat cruise to see the bonfires on the levee down here right after my first divorce . Last year , we drove to the levee to see the Christmas bonfires before they were lit . This year , we are going to party once again . My friends Jo Ann and Robbie , my sister and her husband and my parents and I are going to one of the bonfire parties to experience it first - hand . If y ' all are looking for something to do tonight , come on with us to Lutcher . It 's going to be cold , but you 'll have a fire to warm you , and I know there will be plenty of food . Merry Christmas y ' all … and don 't forget those who have nothing to do on Christmas Eve . They might just like to stop by . And , if you want to know more about the bonfire tradition , click here . I wrote about it last year . Ever since I turned 50 , I 've been doing the math . If you 're over 50 , you may as well admit you do the math , too . Let 's see … I 'm 50 … 51 … 52 … if I live to be 75 , I have 25 … 24 … 23 … years left . What if I live to be 80 ? That sounds a little better . Then , I think about what 25 years feel like . What could I get done in 25 years … 30 years … how many years will I have my health … my mind … my spirit ? Sometimes I feel good about the math . Other times I feel like … well … like the math is selling me short . And , I don 't even like math . I 'm an English gal . I like to write , obviously , and I don 't like to do math . But , I do get obsessed with those numbers at times . Last night , I got a shot of hope . Daddy , who turned 75 today , released his fourth book at a phenomenal book release party . I 've often thought that 75 might be the start of the downhill slide of my life . We have no guarantees on anything , and our health can take a turn anytime , but if things go well , somewhere between 75 and 105 things will get dicey . Daddy is experiencing a great career event - maybe one of his top ones - at the 3 / 4 of a century mark . This book may not be highlight of his life , but it certainly is a capstone event . The book details the highlights of his life , and last night was a gathering of many of the people throughout his life that were part of those significant events and times . I can 't speak for him , but I believe he was really , really honored . The publisher introducing Daddy My friend Billy from College and DJ Me and my siblings Jimmy Taylor and Daddy Daddy and my Cousin Marilyn The publisher , Trent , from Acadian Publishing , said they sold about 300 books last night . I know several people who bought cases of books to give as Christmas gifts . The place was jam - packed . The founder of TJ Ribs , T . J . Moran , hosted the event as a gift to Daddy , and several LSU greats were there - Dale Brown , past head basketball coach ; Jimmy Taylor , past All - American running back at LSU and All - Pro with the Green Bay Packers ; Lynn LeBlanc ( sp . ) , past LSU football player ; Gus Kinchen , ex - Tiger football star and many others . Some faces were missing from the days when Daddy covered LSU - Charles " Cholly " McCLendon ; " Pistol " Pete Maravich and his dad , Press ; and Paul Dietzel who was not well enough to attend . Growing up in our household , we had one telephone that hung on the wall in the kitchen next to the bay window . As teenagers , we raced to the phone to answer , and we knew Dale , Press , Paul , Bert Jones and all the LSU names . We 'd be disappointed that it wasn 't our current love interest and just some LSU coach or player calling Daddy back for an interview request . Little did we know that we might have been lucky to get a chance to interact with these folks . It was just part of the backdrop of our lives . We played jokes on them , and they played jokes on us all the time . I 'm sitting in Barnes and Noble tonight with Daddy as a few people trickle in to get books and have them signed . The crowds and the long line last night prompted a few to wait until tonight to get them signed . A police officer walked up and introduced himself as a an ex - LSU baseball player who met Daddy when he was in college . He eventually went on to play with the Baltimore Orioles . He was so happy to see Daddy and spend a few minutes talking to him , reminiscing about his glory days of LSU baseball . Another gentleman walked up and said he knew nothing about Daddy 's book but was going to buy it just because he was Sam King , and he always read him as a child . Daddy is a bit of a local celebrity . Everybody knows him affectionately as Mr . Sam , the sports columnist for the State - Times and later the Baton Rouge Advocate . But , most of all , he 's known for his cigar - smoking , bourbon drinking , practical - joking sense of humor and wacky , honest writing style . He just corrected me that it was Scotch , but I remember distinctly it was bourbon for a long , long time before he moved up to Scotch . My cousin Kenneth and Daddy Coach Tate from High School My brother - in - law Gary and Dale Brown Part of the crowd My cousin Amy waiting in line for Uncle Sam I asked him about the process of writing the book . Did he start with an outline ? How did he decide to order his material ? Did he sell them on an idea ? Or did they tell him what to write ? He shook his head . " I didn 't even want to write that damn book , " he said , " Dale and Moran have been saying they wanted me to start writing again , and I told them if they would find me a publisher , I 'd write a book , but I didn 't think they 'd do it . " They found him a publisher , and he wrote down the stories of his life covering the Tiger Beat , stories about sportswriters in the days when typewriters and bourbon were mainstays on late - night deadlines , stories of the glory days when coaches , players and writers were part of one big organism called college athletics . The characters in the stories he lived first hand were great legends like " Pistol " Pete , Billy Cannon and Shaquille O ' Neal . Those were the days before sportswriters waited in lobbies in locker rooms because women were entering the field . In his younger days , he took pictures and wrote stories , running on the sidelines alongside Billy Cannon as he made his famous Halloween night run . He hung out in locker rooms at half - time listening to coaches yell and scream and motivate players . This book is about the days before big business made college sports into an industry that is practically out of reach of the common person 's pocketbook . Daddy 's party was a gathering of people from all of the areas of Daddy 's life . Our family is huge , and I saw cousins and Aunts that I haven 't seen in many years . My 92 - year - old Aunt Iris from Little Rock received the invitation last week . She went to her doctor and told him that she was worried about making the 7 hour drive to Baton Rouge for the event but she really wanted to go . He told her to pack her butt into the car and get down here . She did . She said she had no problems making the drive . There were people from Graveyard Island where my parents live now who stopped by to get books . People from Watson who were coached by Daddy when they were kids showed up , and coaches from my high school stopped in . Daddy 's co - workers from the Advocate - photographers , copy editors and writers - that I knew as a child came out to get a copy of his book and to say hi . It was fun , and I know it was a great birthday present for Daddy . Me and Aunt Iris My cousin Bonni and her husband Jerry Lynn LeBlanc and Gus Kinchen signing books When Momma told me that Aunt Iris had driven down to Baton Rouge on her own at 92 years old , I thought about that silly math that I do all the time . It is an inspiration to know that people can get out and do things and be rebellious at these late ages . Maybe I 'll write a book at 75 that covers the events of my life . Maybe I 'll get in the car on a whim and drive across the country at 92 . Who knows ? Maybe the math doesn 't matter at all except that it keeps adding years of joy and new acquaintances to an already full life . If Daddy 's example is any indication , life keeps moving forward in unexpected directions . He 's talking to a former co - worker right now who came in tonight especially to buy his book . He just told her the story of his first by - line . He was about 18 when he started writing for the newspaper . I wonder what that 18 - year - old thought his journalistic career might look like . I wonder what the 75 - year - old author thinks his life might look like ahead of him . If Aunt Iris is any indication , he doesn 't really need to do the math either . For both of them , I hope the years keep adding on to an already full life , and I 'm going to put the mental calculator down . I never have liked math . I may just start taking notes for the book I 'll write when I 'm 75 . And , if you want an invitation , stay in touch . It 'll be good to see you again . Note : If you want a copy of Daddy 's book , you can order Tiger Beat from Amazon . com or BarnesandNoble . com . You can get signed copies from Acadian House Publishing and the Lafayette , Baton Rouge and Shreveport locations of Barnes and Noble . And , of course , you can contact me … I have connections ! ! It 's been a go with the flow sort of day . I went out last night with some old friends , and when it got time to leave , I could not find my car keys . I 'm out of town , so my car keys are a critical piece of equipment for transporting me back to Memphis to my life and work . I realized this distressing loss at about midnight in a bar . A few friends tried to help me find them in the field where we had partied earlier to no avail . My friend Jeff drove me back to my hotel , and I was struggling with anger at myself for losing my keys and angst about what I was supposed to either find my keys - best case scenario - or replace them - worst case scenario . I walked my dog when I got back , and while I was outside , I made a decision . There were a few things I could do this morning to take care of my business , but I needed to change my attitude . I had to accept my dilemma and my imperfection , and I needed to try to enjoy the rest of my trip . I had planned to come back on Sunday , but I knew now that I had to be open to the possibility that I would burn another vacation day and not get home until Monday . I hated to burn another precious vacation day , but , if I was going to do it , I needed to find some joy in it . I decided to look at it as an adventure . It was a choice , and it made the difference in my day . The other thing I had to do was to ask for help and accept it even if I felt like I was intruding on people 's lives . I woke up early and texted my cousin Marilyn and her husband Darrell . I asked for her assistance this morning . She immediately called me back and volunteered that Darrell would come get me at my hotel and bring me to their house for breakfast . We 'd make a plan on what we needed to do to get me on some kind of track . She made the most awesome biscuits which gave me a great start . It made me feel very comforted to have one of her biscuits that were so much like my grandmothers ' - crispy on the outside and soft and fluffy on the inside . She had Steen 's Cane Syrup , and I poured it all over my biscuits in attempt to start my day with some sweetness on my palate . Darrell and I decided to first start hunting for the keys in the field with his rolling magnet . He was so freaking excited to use it . He talked about it all the way over . When I got there , my friend Berlin was there , and we picked up cigarette butts while I was looking and complained about the heat from the day before . After Darrell rolled the entire field , and we were satisfied that the keys were not there , I hugged Berlin , and we went on to Plan B which was to assume the keys were lost and get on track to get a new one . Happy Dog Happy Dog Happy Dog I called AAA to get my car unlocked and remove my valuables from the car . The locksmiths were in Geismer , and it was going to take awhile for them to get to Watson , so Darrell suggested we go to his daughter Amy 's house to get out of the heat . I hadn 't seen her for many years , and they had since relocated . We showed up unexpectedly in their driveway , and their family gathered in a very familiar living room while I waited . We caught up and talked about mutual friends . It was a really fun way to pass the time , and I was actually kind of glad that it turned out the way it did . AAA called , we hurried out , got the car unlocked and headed back to Marilyn 's . Meanwhile , I made several calls to other relatives who might have picked up my keys by accident and stopped by the bar to see if they found them . The keys were still lost , and when I got back to Marilyn 's , it was determined that I would need to get to the Toyota dealer Monday morning in order to get another key made . I called my brother to see if he could pick me up to spend the night with them . I got to visit with Marilyn and Darrell on Father 's Day and Darrell 's birthday and catch up after a very long absence . We had a good laugh because Darrell had told Marilyn that he didn 't want anything for the special day , and Marilyn had listened . We had no food , but munched on biscuits , Funyuns and chocolate covered pomegranates most of the afternoon . My dog loved all the attention . She went from person to person being loved on , and , honestly , I felt really loved on myself . Everyone had been so willing to help me , and I was loving myself by just going with the flow . I tried to feed my dog a Funyon , and she only ate it under duress . Apparently , she 'll eat anything on the planet , but she doesn 't like Funyuns . We also caught up on all of the local and family gossip . When my brother and his family arrived , we loaded up in his car , went to get frozen yogurt , and took a well needed nap when we got back to their place . We 've got quite a plan put together for tomorrow for getting me to the dealer , getting me from the dealer and getting me to my car . I plan to go with the flow because there are a lot of things that could go wrong , but I 've got a team of people willing to help me . I have to just be grateful for their goodness and their time . I even have a casual date tonight and a lunch date tomorrow , so the extra time has paid off in fun . I don 't know how much this little escapade is going to cost me , but it is what it is , and there 's nothing else I can do but go with it . I have to get home at some point , and I have to depend on other people to help me get there . I love these sorts of adventures . If all had gone as planned , I 'd be by myself at home , tired from driving . This is a good alternative and out of the ordinary . My niece is begging her dog to smile at the camera , the LSU baseball game is on TV , my friend is coming over for awhile , and my dog is a very happy camper . Life is good . You are invited … . . I am a 50 something Louisiana gal who has lived all over and is still on the move in Michigan . I 'm silly , sexy , spiritual , serious , sarcastic and sweet . Surely there 's something here for you . . . grab a cup of coffee and stay awhile . Sign up here to receive Midlife Moments via email Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
" We walked all the way up to where the dam was . We knew by then that it could not have been just a cofferdam . When we got there , it was massive , a huge , towering thing that had the whole left side out of it where it had broken through . Strangely enough , to the right of that dam was a house . Absolutely untouched . You could look from the dam across the hollow and see where the water had hit the other side of the mountain . The water came out of there and went WHUMP ! And then it careened from side to side all the way down . It was absolute devastation , just like taking a dozer and scraping the land clear for 5 miles or so . http : / / www . wvgazette . com / static / series / buffalocreek / BUFF227 . html My friends and I always considered the tradition of tossing the bouquet to be a bit demeaning . That was one perk of getting married at the age of 20 . I wan 't expected to mix with a gaggle of crazed women diving for a bouquet so they would be the next to marry ! In fact my close friends and I always kind of congregated in the back and watch the village idiots scramble for the bouquet ! One time my friend , Sami , and I were talking at the back of the pack . We weren 't paying the slightest attention to the tossing of the bouquet . We were participating because we didn 't want to hurt our friend , Kristi 's , feelings . All of a sudden the bouquet slammed into Sami 's chest ! If I didn 't know better I would say Kristie aimed with perfect precision and hurled a line drive right at her ! Sami looked at me crestfallen and pasted a fake smile on her face ! She couldn 't hurt Kristie 's feeling . I was doubled over laughing at her prediciament ! Kristie hugged Sami and congratulated her on catching her bouquet . Sami immediately had a brilliant idea . She formally presented Kristie with her bouquet saying that she knew it would hold treasured memories for her for the rest of her life . At first Kristie wasn 't sure if she should accept . We both assured her that " it was meant to be . " I was glad that it was " her " and not " me " . I was married 2 years later . Sami waited until she was in her early 30 's to marry . There are 2 common injuries to tails in the greyhound business . The first are the tail beaters . Tail beaters are dogs that are so happy they never stop wagging their tails . Even though most crates are about 3 foot deep by 3 foot tall and 32 inches wide this is not enough room for a fullsized greyhound to constantly wag it 's tail . Consequently they beat the end off their tails which can make their tail sore and blood starts to splatter everywhere ! No , the cure isn 't to beat the dog until he is miserable and won 't wag his tail anymore ! ( that 's a joke by the way ) The cure is to wrap the end of the tail in cotton and tape so that the dog 's tail look a little like a lion 's tail . This works fine unless it is a dog that doesn 't want a big ball of cotton taped to the end of his tail - then you have a problem because they chew it off . Then you try to muzzle the dog but nobody want 's to keep a muzzle on a dog for 24 hours a day - that is a miserable way to live . If worse comes to worse I have seen people amputate the tail . After scar tissue forms it doesn 't become an open wound as easily . You can 't cut the tail off because it is like a rudder when the dog is racing and helps them hold the turns at 45 mph ! Then there are dogs that accidentally hit the rail with their tails . I have never figured out how they do that but they do . These dogs come off the track with about the last 3 inches or so of their tail dangling by a nerve usually . If it is a clean cut then you can snip it with scissors and apply antibiotic ointment and cotton and tape . If you keep it clean it will heal in a week to 10 days . Sometimes they just cut it and you have to go to the vet to amputate it between the vertebrae . A minor surgery but surgery nonetheless . Still only a week to 10 days to heal . I don 't know if this was my first day but I know it was close to it . We were in our reading circle and the teacher had put me in first group which meant I knew how to read . Mrs . Stollings was her name . I was sitting there wondering who told her I could read and thinking that I didn 't know how to read and panicking because it was almost my turn . Then my turn came and what do you know , I read my sentence perfectly . I could read ! I just didn 't know I could read ! The book was one of those Jane and Flip and Betty books . I was so proud of myself . I should have known I could read . According to my mom I had my own rocking chair and magazine rack full of my books from the time I could walk and talk . Every time we would go to the store she let each of us pick out a toy or candy . She said that my choice was ALWAYS a book . By the time I was in the 6th . grade I had a huge bookshelf in my bedroom that went from floor to ceiling . By the time I graduated from high school it was full of my books that were cataloged in alphabetical order - just like the library . I had read 98 % of them in addition to books from the library and borrowed books from friends . I was a voracious reader Posted by Last week there was a huge storm that swept though Charleston . A very huge tree was blown over next door . It was one of the squirrel trees . I was amazed to see that the entire inside of that massive tree was hollow - no wonder it blew over . I always thought squirrels just lived in a little hole in the tree . I didn 't know they could bore out the whole durn tree ! Today I observed one of the squirrels has a broken foot . I couldn 't figure out how it happened until I remembered that his whole house had toppled over last week . There is also another squirrel who is missing about 2 / 3 's of it 's tail . It looks like it was scraped off with about 2 inches of bone and nerve exposed at the chopped off end ! I have been trying to figure out that injury for a couple of weeks now - until today . I watched the woman who walks her golden retriever past us everyday turn him loose to chase one of our unsuspecting varmints today ! From the looks of that poor squirrels tail I would say the dog actually chomped down on his tail and scraped it to the bone when the squirrel jettisoned up the tree . Right now I hate that woman ! Mr . Big was a greyhound . He was not very fast but he had the perfect disposition to be a pet . I found Mr . Big a home . Mr . Big 's best friend at that home was a rabbit . It 's no wonder he couldn 't race ! Posted by I might as well group my sad bunny stories together One time I had a couple of rabbits . They were happy little rabbits that lived in a hutch . The hutch was in the middle of my yard where my greyhounds would loaf . Those two arch enemies of the bunnies had become used to them and ignored them whenever I put them outside . Sometimes I would let the bunnies out of the hutch to loaf and play in the yard and eat a little fresh grass . It was a good life for all . One morning before the dawn of a new day I let my greyhounds out to do their morning business . They had been out for less than a minute when I heard a terrifying squeal and I raced outside knowing what I would find - a dead bunny . Apparently in the middle of the night one of the rabbits had chewed his way through the wood of his house and was giving himself a lovely turnout in the yard . Unfortunately I didn 't know about it until it was too late . I was quite distressed by the turn of events and I decided to give the other bunny away - house and all - to a good home . I wanted to keep him safe from any potential accidents . I knew just who I wanted to have my baby too . There was a little boy down the street that spent quite a lot of time outside my pen admiring either my dogs or my rabbits ; he didn 't particularly care which was out - he liked them all . When I saw him later in the day I asked him if he wanted the rabbit . He was thrilled . I told him to go home and ask his mom . If she said yes he could have the rabbit , the cage , food , straw and other assorted rabbit accouterments . It was a happy day for all when she said yes . Two days later I saw the boy . I asked him how the rabbit was . Sadly he told me it was dead . When I asked what happened he said his pitbull ripped apart the cage and killed it . In my grief I had neglected to find out if he had any other pets . I assured the child that it was my fault and not his - and it was . I KNEW to ask these kinds of questions when finding homes for animals and I neglected to do so . I can 't imagine the terror that poor bunny feltPosted by I brought it home . Someone had given me the ferret , cage and food for free . I was cleaning the cage and Bobby decided to hold the ferret for me . He reached into the cage and that ferret latched onto his finger and wouldn 't let go . Bobby actually held the ferret in the air dangling from his finger . I couldn 't believer my eyes . I would have been jumping and screaming and shaking my hand to get rid of that varmit . Bobby calmly disengaged the thing and put it in it 's cage . He told me to get rid of it . I gave it back to the people the next day . One time my mom and dad came home from a car auction with a huge white rabbit for my brother . He named her Virginia because that is where they bought her . Virginia was pregnant . He looked forward to her babies and had a wonderful nest for them but she miscarried or something . Billy doted on Virginia and took loving care of her . He barely allowed Rhonda and I to even pet her . He kept her in a box in the garage at night and he converted our large doglot into a rabbit pen with everything a bunny could ever want in it . Every year there was a rabies clinic in our hometown and we would take our pets and get their vaccinations . We took Virginia with us that year and the vet gave her the shots she needed . Billy held her the whole time so none of the dogs or cats could get to her . When she got her shots she kicked very hard and Billy almost couldn 't hold her but he managed to not drop her . He was about 12 by the way . We took her home and put her in her pen . Billy kept caring for her and after about 3 days he came to my mom and told her something was wrong with Virginia . He said she couldn 't move . Mommy went to check on her and found her back to be broken . ( mom was an RN ) She talked to the vet on the phone and he said it was possible that Virginia had kicked so hard that she had broken her back . She told Billy there was nothing they could do for her and let him say his goodbyes to his beloved Virginia . She took Billy in the house and made arrangements for our neighbor , JD , to humanely end Virginia 's life . Somehow JD let Virginia loose and she ended up under his boat which was on a trailer in his yard . He couldn 't get to her so he was using a boat paddle to try to scoot her from underneath the boat . Unfortunately Billy sneaked out of the house when my mom wasn 't looking . He became hysterical because he thought JD was beating his rabbit to death with the oar . He was inconsolable . I think Virginia actually met her demise by being shot in the head but I am not sure about that part . We all did everything we could to try to makePosted by Actually I saw 2 beavers . Eddie and I went to Daniel Boone Park which is a little roadside park a couple of miles from our building . He was fishing and getting more bites than he has ever gotten . That made it a fun night in itself . The water was high from recent rains and we were watching BIG fish jump out all over the place . Something kept stealing his bait and he hooked it twice and was screaming ( hilariously ) that it was a big one and both times his line got tangled and " the fish " got away . He was using doughballs for bait and I told him he basically had fed the fish a whole peanut butter sandwich . Just as the sun set he poked me and said , " Look . " I looked up to see a head swimming on top of the water in front of us . I was immediately excited because I am the wildlife observer of the two of us . I followed it on it 's swim along the coastline of the river . It came out of the water at one point when I was still trying to identify it as either a beaver or an otter or a huge river rat . It was a beaver . Then I looked over to see another one swim up and join it . They continued their trek along the bank and I followed them to a little cove on the other side of the pier at the other end of the park where they disappeared . As I was walking back one of them swam back to the brushpile it came from . I told Eddie he had probably been hooking the beaver all evening . He insisted that beaver don 't eat doughballs . I don 't know . I believe I will name them Paul and Louise after my great grandparents . Hopefully I will have some good stories to come about them . GEEZ , I WISH I HAD MY VIDEO CAMERA - HOPEFULLY IT WON ' T BE MUCH LONGER . Posted by Our first apartment after we got married was over Smitty 's Restaurant in downtown Logan , WV . It was a tiny place on the third floor and we had to climb 5 flights of stairs to get there . Bobby would pick me up from work at P . R . I . D . E . ( a community action agency - the oldest one in the US actually ) and we would head for the park . We had cookouts practically everyday and usually he would have everything packed and ready to start or he would leave the food cooking with a friend while he went to pick me up . We had some massive parties in that park , full of good food and drink and horseshoes and trails . We came to know every trail in the park - even the dreaded backbone trail that I got lost on one time before I met him . Since Bobby was a mountain man I didn 't ever have to worry about being lost . While I could hike with the best of them for awhile he was in better shape than I ( he ran distance runs ) and he usually had to take it easy on me . He also taught me how to scout deer and other creatures and tried to teach me various trees and plants but I never did get into botany that much . We hung out in the Fun Center ( arcade ) . I was a Centipede Wizard and people would actually pay me to play so they could learn my tricks . There wasn 't a machine in southern WV that didn 't have my name in the top score postion . Sometimes the arcade owners would unplug the machine on me because I could play so long on one quarter . When I complained they would just refund the quarter and tell me to go home . One day he called me at work and told me he found a puppy but he didn 't take it home . I told him to get it and I would find it a home . I fell in love with that pup the second I saw it and there was no way I was going to give her away . We weren 't allowed to have pets so we had to sneak her out in a pillowcase ( past the old lady watchdog on the first floor ) every day . She thought we sure did do a lot of laundry . I remember the first time it got really cold after we got married my dad called . He wanted to know if I was warm . I assured him that Idamnpamn We were on our way to my grandparent 's house one day . There was a very sharp curve on the way at a place called Monitor . My dad made the statement that he had driven the road so many times that he could do it with his eyes close . I decided to test that statement . Right in the middle of the curve I reached over the back seat and put both my hands over both his eyes . He slammed on the brakes ! He yelled and expletive to God ! Fortunately he scared me so bad that I jumped back and he could see again almost immediately and he didn 't lose control of the car ! I was not a happy child when we got home that night . Then there was the time I had done something to my little brother . I couldn 't have been more than 6 years old . My mom was asking me how I could do such a thing and I remember taking the back of my wrist and putting it against my forehead ( just like an actress in an old soap ) and saying , " something came over me ! " I seem to remember sailing into a wall as well . I NEVER used that excuse again . When you read the comments from dreggplant you will understand why I handle some of the situations that some of you find so appalling from my childhood with humor . I refuse to become bitter and old about things I had no control over . She berates me for not facing my childhood . Here is a lovely memory of her when I was a kid . I remember being in the center of a screaming , howling mob that she was the leader of because she was the oldest kid in the house and she was in charge . I remember being forced to fight my little brother and my sister and my youngest aunt and my youngest uncle because they wouldn 't allow us to fight the bigger kids - that would be cruel you know . If we didn 't fight then we would be beaten by our loving older aunts and uncles so we had to fight . I learned to fight while listening to the cheers of my elders chanting what a great fighter I was . I could take a punch with the best of them when I was a pre teen and still come out and beat the living daylights out of any who dared to stand against me . Or should I phrase it properly as any who were FORCED to stand against me or risk a beating by my aunt and the others in charge . Still I don 't hold this against them or her . I recognize they were kids and they were mean because they didn 't know any better . I prefer to remember her allowing me and my aunt Robin to walk down the aisle behind her at her wedding holding the train of her wedding dress . This change was made at the last minute because I was too afraid to walk down the aisle in front of her with the rest of the wedding party and then I changed my mind at the last minute . I remember the most beautifully wrapped Christmas presents from my aunt the doctor once she had made it . Even though we rarely saw her because she lived so far away . I have chosen to forget all the other insults and trespasses from those who should know better . Education does not teach compassion . I let her comments stand for themselves . Her comments are indicative of other comments by some of my aunts who have never for the mPosted by I was the Easter Bunny at the mall one year . It was one of the most fun jobs that I ever had . Everybody ought to be the bunny at least once . I don 't even like kids and I had a ball . What I learned is that the Easter Bunny has as much power as a Rock Star ! One day I was waving to the kids and thumbing my nose and shaking my hiney and just generally making a fool of myself . I looked up into the balconies ( there were 2 levels of the mall above me ) to see that all the way around both levels above me as well as the entire plaza in front of me was full of kids pantomiming my every move ! There were hundreds of them of all ages both big and small ! The were mocking my every movement . I kept up my dance for a few minutes more and then I decided that I needed to quit because the kids were becoming so enthusiastic that I was afraid that somebody was going to fall over the railing . So I gave them one last wave and sat down in my throne . It was a great day . Posted by Last Saturday my great aunt and great uncle Patty and Gerald celebrated 50 years of marriage . They had an incredible party thrown by their children . It was truely a celebration worthy of their incredible life together and everyone had a magnificient time . The party was given in the rotunda of the University of Charleston , site of the wedding celebration of their youngest daughter , Sarah . Both lifelong friends and family were in attendance . The evening started with elegance and flair . It continued with heartfelt tributes and congratulations from all . It ended with a bang as a DJ played music from their teenage years that was both appropriate for the oldest people there to enjoy as well as the youngest . By the end of the evening even the waitstaff was dancing . It was fun to watch them as the party got into full swing and they were quietly dancing at their posts trying to be discreet as a professional should . In the end they were dancing all over the floor as they performed their duties and enjoyed a dance with my aunt Patty who always wants EVERYONE around her to have a good time . And they did . Congrats to my cousins who gave the party of a lifetime to one in a million parents . Posted by Kathy and I were hired on the same day almost 11 years ago . We were fast friends . We compliment each other . She is calm and loves children while I am a little more " outgoing " . ( a nice way to say I 'm a grouch ! ) I call her my stable pony . For those of you who don 't know what a stable pony is , I will tell you . When you have a horse in the stable that causes problems you get a calm , manageable pony to hang around with it and be friends . The pony has a calming influence on the problem horse . Kathy is my stable pony . I am her enforcer . When I go in at night my first question is usually , " Who 's the fearless leader tonight ? " If they tell me Kathy then I have to delete the fearless part . ( hehe ) I have to step in and be the fearless part of the fearless leader . Kathy is the world 's greatest mawmaw . She has 6 grandchildren that are with her constantly and she can 't wait for more . They are the center of her universe . Kathy never does anything wrong . She told me the only time she ever skipped school was on senior skip day . I told her that didn 't count . She told me it did count because she and a friend went to a party . There was drinking and pot and teenage mayhem . She left . Right after she left the party got busted . She squeaked through that one and was so grateful she never did anything wild again . Posted by One time when Patty and Gerald and family were visiting us , my mom happened to look out the window and to see our cat playing with a snake . This sent Mommy and Patty into a tizzy ! There was no way that a snake could ever be allowed to live in our backyard ! Mom would yell out in terror every time the cat would swat at the snake and the snake would strike back at the cat . Patty was terrified but her mama bear instinct kicked in because she had to protect her children and her nieces and nephew . The problem was that Daddy and Gerald were no where to be found . All of the kids were running around the yard yelling with glee at the prospect of killing a snake . Mommy and Patty wouldn 't hear of allowing us anywhere near the vicinity of that tiny little serpent . We went next door but Wimpy wasn 't home and it was usually his designated job to keep our yards snake free . However there was a telephone repairman who happened to be working up on the power pole down by Star Market . When we asked him to kill the snake , he said , " no way , I 'm terrified of snakes . " He did , however , come down and witness Patty , the great snake slayer , at her most mighty . She clutched the very tip of the hoe that we found for her and bravely slung the business end at the snake . She missed ! She was terrified and she was holding that hoe so far down the shaft that she had no control over where it was landing . But she bravely swatted and cursed at that snake until she finally killed it . At least I think she killed it . The poor thing may have fled for it 's life . Patty was the hero that day , even the telephone repairman told her so . Once again our yards were safe for us to play . Posted by |
I promise to write more often . I 've been incredibly busy . We moved to a new place in Venice , and we had three gigs this week . We 're all waiting tables or working two or three part - time jobs . And we have to audition , and when we perform we have to load up and go to the club and set up and play and tear it down and come home . And we practice three or four times a week , in an old warehouse a long way from here . I haven 't written because I 'm dog tired . Sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of writing a letter and next thing the alarm goes off and I have to go to work . I 'm sorry . I think about you every day , and I miss you all the time . It feels strange , being without you . " Being " without you doesn 't feel like being at all , more like an ersatz existence . But this has been my dream since I was eight , and I have to do it . You 'll like L . A . There 's a lot of unusual architecture and odd little neighborhoods you never would expect . It 's not all homogenized , the way people think . There 's the beach , which you would like , and the mountains , too . And the desert . You 'll love the desert . A couple of times I 've walked down to the beach and looked out over the ocean and watched the sun set . Lots of clouds , every kind of cloud . Puffy , streaky , you name it . And every color , even some I don 't have names for . Greens and pinks and oranges and reds and blues . I watch the sun go down and I think of you . I miss you , Ada . This feeling is like a phantom limb : I 've lost part of me , and all that 's left is the dull throb of the absence . I go to sleep thinking about you , and I wake up thinking about you . I remember your face , and your thin arms and hands and fingers . I remember your hair , and your pale skin , and the way that pale skin makes your lips look red , and I remember the way you blush . I remember the birthmark on your knee . I remember how thin you are , and I worry that you don 't eat enough . I remember the way you look at each bite of food before you eat it , as if you were going to ask it a question . Even without your letters I would remember your handwriting , straight up and down , not leaning to either side . I remember the way you push the toe of your right shoe against the inside of your left shoe when you 're trying to find exactly the right word . I remember the distant look in your eyes sometimes , as if you have a private world . I remember the way you look right at me . I remember the way strands of your hair come loose and hang over your ear , or beside your temples . Ada . I can hardly bear it , I miss you so . I didn 't think being apart would be this painful . Look at this . I 'm writing cliches . It 's so corny I could boil it and eat it on the cob . But I know you understand . I know you do . It 's embarrassing to read this letter . I have to mail it now , I 'm tempted to tear it up and write something more polished . You must know how I feel . I think you feel the same . Nothing can come between us if we have faith in each other . I believe - - no , I know that we 're destined to be together for life . There 's more to say , but I have to mail this before I lose my nerve . moment . I 'm so glad you mailed it instead of tearing it up . So glad . I cannot imagine how it could have been better . I carry it with me to class and I 've read it so many times that it 's already dog - eared . It 's strange , though , reading the things you said about me . It made me think , " Is that me ? Is that how I appear ? " Even my handwriting seemed unfamiliar after I read those things . I looked at myself in the mirror , something I rarely do , and the face there seemed to belong to someone else . I wonder . You see this one you love , who 's not the person I see when I look at her . So the Wyatt I see and love isn 't the same person you know . I thought about you and me , and how we are separate , and what that means , and the times I felt that I 'd fused with you , and what that meant , and which of these feelings were true , since they contradict each other . The distinction between us began to seem arbitrary and unreal . I was completely confused , until I decided that none of this matters . Of course I don 't know you fully , and perhaps can 't . But I think that love is unknowable , it 's simply present , all around , like air . It keeps us alive , even when we don 't know it . It 's enough that I love you , and that I know you love me , and that you love me and you know that I love you . I 've found a ride so I can come see you at the start of the summer session . Someone on the ride board at the Union is going out after the end of the spring session and coming back for summer . It 's perfect . I will let you know the exact date . Be sure to keep your time free , because I don 't want to be dragged around to your " gigs " . I want to sit on the beach , and admire those sunsets you described so vividly . I 'm afraid they may not live up to the beauty of the picture you painted . And I want to watch the waves and taste the water and see its color . Costa Rica is small , you know , and wedged between the Atlantic and the Pacific , but strange though it may seem to you , I 've never seen the ocean . Another of the deficiencies in my experience , soon , like so much else , to be remedied by you . I wish you would write more often . I wish you were with me . I don 't understand why you left . I go to class , and I go to the lab , and I study . I eat and sleep and do the laundry and all the other usual things , but always there is that emptiness , that something - missing because you are not here . At times I wake up in the middle of the night and I reach for the phone , to call you , and then I remember that I can 't because your phone is disconnected . When you left I realized how isolated I 've been , and I 've been trying to make more friends . I actually went to a party ! ( It was at the house of that boy you saved , after his beating . His name is Owen . I met him on campus , and he invited me . He says he wants to thank you . ) I left early , but it 's progress , isn 't it ? Sometimes matters are awkward because my past is so different from everyone else 's , and I don 't understand all the references to television shows and music and even weather ( tornadoes , hailstorms ) . I knew that Monteverde was isolated , but not to what degree . Sometimes I feel like one of those feral children raised by wolves , who has no language in common with anyone else . I have a garden now , in Owen 's back yard . I 'll explain when I see you . It was overgrown , and I 'm tending it and we 'll share the vegetables and flowers . I sunburned the first time I worked on it - - I hear you admonishing me again . I always forget . It was so cloudy in Monteverde that it was never a problem , cloudy when it wasn 't raining or misty . There isn 't much else to report . Lawrence is not Los Angeles , not glamorous . Every day is the same . ( Am I really saying this , I who have always found this place so circuslike , compared to my village ? ) The campus feels different now because we 're nearing finals week , and then everyone will leave for home . The only ones staying on will be those who live to study or can 't afford to go home or are trying to get through school in three years . I suppose I belong in the first two categories , though not the third . Much as I 'd like to , if I took more hours while staying year - round , I 'd finish too soon . Besides , taking fewer classes lets me learn the subjects better . Of course I miss home , but the distance is so great that it would be terribly expensive to travel back and forth , it would cost so much of what little money I have . It 's almost a form of cheating , to go for four years straight , with no summers off , but all I have to do is ( somehow ! ) stretch each year 's stipend over twelve months . The dorm is quiet now . I stay up late ( my late , not what you would call late ) to study , and sometimes I go for a walk , after I finish for the night . Often I wander along that gravel road on the other side of Iowa Street . There 's a large old dead tree with an owl nest , and I stand there and watch the parents fly in and out of the nest , feeding their young . It comforts me . It tells me that life goes on . I want to be like those owls and have a family and take care of my children . I never talked to you about this . Somehow I couldn 't . It 's easier in a letter . I wish I had asked you about this . Do you want children ? Do you want us to make a family ? This is too difficult , writing yet another letter full of evasions . I have to tell you . This loss , the loss of you , has grown and consumed my life . Why did you go ? Why should your band and your music matter more than us ? I miss you . You can ignore everything else in this letter , because this is the only thing that matters . I miss you . I need you . This pain and loneliness are more than I can bear . I need you here with me . Come home . You must . I 'm tired and I miss you and I need you here . Please come home . Please . My other letters don 't matter . I felt the same way then , but I didn 't say so until now because now I have to say it . I can 't not say it . It gets worse and worse , and now it 's become unbearable and I finally have to say it . I can 't live this way . I can 't live without you . Please come home . I miss you , too , but we 'll be together again soon . I just can 't be with you right now . I think of you every day , and I worry about you . I struggle with the idea of coming back , but there 's everything I promised Gregg and Dave and Brad and Barry , and I imagine the betrayal . I couldn 't face them . Ada , you must know you are the only woman there will ever be for me . From the first night I met you , there has been something . I can 't explain it , I can 't describe it . There is no one but you , and never can be . I 'm not trying to hurt you , but this has to be said . You 've even said it yourself . It 's that you are inexperienced . You can 't see past what you feel . But we have a lifetime . Being apart is only temporary . Be patient . We can afford one year . You 'll see . We will be together again , and then we will never be apart . There 's always more to say . I could spend hours writing you , every day , if I had the time . Please remember what I said about us having time . Please be patient . I know this is difficult for you . It 's difficult for me , too . I have to mail this now . I 'm late for work . This will be the last letter before you get here . I 'm trying to take my own advice and be patient , but I 'm counting the days - - no , the minutes . The country was huge , the numbers on the map incomprehensible . In her mind she measured in kilometers , but even if the distances had been in kilometers , not miles , the scale was unimaginable . Vast fields of corn , wheat , soybeans . Empty grasslands with nothing but an occasional windbreak , a few meadowlarks , no animals , not a human in sight except in other automobiles , and one solitary tractor . Ecclesiastic processions of clouds in an infinite sky . This was only the beginning . They had been driving since dawn , the time was long past noon and they were still in Kansas . The driver , Dean , rarely spoke , staring straight ahead , his hands on the wheel . Ada was settling in . The trick was to consign herself to the boredom of the road . They slept overnight in the car , sitting up . The second day they reached Las Vegas . Dean made a detour to show her the Strip . She could not understand what she was seeing - - the architecture , the lights . All this , for gambling ? She was astonished that large sums of money would be spent to make such grotesque monuments to waste . They went into a casino . It was filled with bright lights and loud strange sounds , and people in every kind of clothing from sweatpants to tuxedos . She stood in line with Dean for a cheap buffet , inching along next to a row of slot machines , and she asked him how the machines worked , and he explained . They were both exhausted . She had to be persuaded , but finally she let him pay for a motel room , a single . He slept in the bed and she slept on the floor , fully clothed , on the extra bedding . as a faint outline in the translucent , dirty atmosphere . More people than she had ever imagined , but they all seemed to be in their cars . No one walked . Everything looked like a movie set , unreal , worn and tired , fake and empty . Everything existed by itself , without any relation to the things around it . A city of solipsism , saturated with loneliness , ugly and uncared for . The houses looked temporary . The city made her even more tired than she already was . Soon she would see Wyatt , but the houses , and the highways , went on and on . A hundred miles of them . Except for the discouraged - looking banana tree in one corner of the yard , the house looked like something from an Erskine Caldwell novel . It needed a new roof and the paint was peeling . The yard was full of weeds . The front porch had a glider on it . The only thing missing was a broken - down appliance in the yard , or a rusty car up on blocks . A girl wearing only panties answered the door . Ada noticed that the girl 's breasts were of different sizes and immediately transferred her attention upward . " Excuse me . Is Wyatt Packard here ? " Panty girl opened the door . She tipped her head toward the couch , where a body lay sprawled with a copy of Zap Comix obscuring the face . " That 's Dave . Don 't wake him . We had a rough night . " The other nodded without bothering to give her own name . She said , " Make yourself at home . I can 't stay . I 'm supposed to meet my boyfriend . He gets mad if I 'm late . " " Boyf - - ? " , but the girl was already halfway down the hall . Ada inspected the room , which fronted the house , all the other rooms to its rear . The floor was strewn with comic books and dirty clothes . The sofa Dave slept on was stained and worn , and the air smelled of mold . The linoleum had curled in one corner of the room . Ada decided to wait on the porch . She put her suitcase behind the couch and went back to sit on the glider . The door clicked shut behind her . She tried the knob . At least she wasn 't locked out . A few minutes later she heard a car start . She peeked around the corner and saw the girl pulling out of the alley in back . Wyatt drove up in a van . She hurried down the walk as he parked , and met him just outside the gate and grasped his shirt and raised herself on her toes to be kissed . Then she pressed her face to his chest , inhaling the familiar smell of his soap and the personal odor of his skin . She stepped back . " You look tired . " She touched him under his eyes , feeling the black bags there . The whites of his eyes were bloodshot . She hadn 't expected that . Love was long and slow and nothing remarkable , because it was for the joining and not the discharge . She locked him to her with her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and wouldn 't let him go until he said he needed to sleep . Then she released him and they closed their eyes . The last thing she remembered was saying , " This won 't do , " and moving her foot so it touched his . They walked the empty dim streets , no sign of life except an unwatched television flickering in the front room of one house . The buzzing of a street lamp . Graffiti spray - painted on walls . Her first view of the Pacific , her first ocean , partly by moonlight but more by the sun brightening behind her in the east . She sat and removed her sneakers and socks and felt the sand with her toes for a minute and then stood . Wyatt held out his hand , and she let him take the shoes . He brushed the sand from the back of her jeans . She walked toward the water , her feet sinking in the yielding surface of the beach . A gull hopped out of her way , then flapped its wings and rose into the air , and landed again not far off . Ada hesitated as she approached the irregular line where the highest waves had lapped . The texture of the wet sand there was smoother and firmer . She stepped back and was surprised at the sharpness of her prints ; they looked like a cast of her foot . She walked toward the water again . A few strands of green seaweed with odd bulbous appendages were scattered along the beach . The smell of the place was odd , and like nothing on land . The wind was against her back , and her face felt damp . A wave , almost spent , hissed toward her and she scampered back . When the water retreated , her footprints had vanished . She started forward again , and scuttled back , trying to step into the water slowly , but she couldn 't find a way . After a few tries , a larger wave rushed her , splashing her legs . She raised her arms and scurried backwards , looking over her shoulder at Wyatt . He smiled at her . She strode into the water . It was colder than she 'd expected . The water rose around her feet , above her ankles , bobbing up and down her legs . She walked out until it was almost to her knees . She put her hand in the water and brought her palm up , cupped , and tasted it . The saltiness was shocking . She could not tell where the sea ended . Its horizon seemed undecidably distant . She stood gazing , thinking : Unimaginable depth , to Japan , to Australia , to Alaska . Creatures swimming in its bosom . Ships . Mountains and canyons at the bottom . Infinite . The sound of an airplane grew , then faded . A wave splashed her shirt . The weakening moon was half - hidden by cloud . She turned . Wyatt had come closer and was watching her from just above the high - water line , the sky behind him light . Another wave splashed the small of her back . The beach was wide , the gulls few and the city , for now , more or less quiet . Except another couple far enough away to look tiny , they were alone . She looked at her lover and he smiled , his face full of kindness and affection , and the smile opened a door in her heart . He had a knack for that . For once , he knew enough to be silent , and they went on looking at each other . The sun rose behind his head . She went and stood next to him and they looked at the water , the sun behind them casting their long shadows , which linked as she reached for his hand and held it in hers . The color of the sea changed with the movement of the water , and foam floated on the liquid . An inexact band of light wavered on the restless water that surged toward them , and surged again , and never ended . A sandpiper ran past . They stood at the edge of the continent , the vast city behind them coming to life , his house stirring a mile away . She was already tired of the city and the house . She missed the evenings in his apartment , studying quietly , the noisy world shut out , their love safely enclosed in the room , alone , silent , working together . She was afraid of who he was becoming , of what his friends would make him into . She would lose him , either He said , " This can wait . I 'm hungry . Let 's go down to Santa Monica . There 's a little diner there . You have to meet the character who owns it . He 's hilarious . " They went to a tiny pink stucco diner , wedged between the street and the wide paved walk that paralleled the beach . There were four tables , and four stools at the counter . Wyatt 's friend had tattoos on his arms ; Ada had never seen tattoos before , and when told they were permanent , thought to herself that this was certainly an irrational act of a sort she 'd never imagined . He showed them to her , and explained that he 'd gotten the vivid one in Morocco . He said the tattooing methods there were different , that they went deeper into the skin or used a different dye or something . He was sorry he 'd got the tattoo . Then he changed his mind and said he should have gotten all of them in Morocco . His talk was vivid , and laced with unselfconscious profanity . He used " fuck " or " fuckin ' " every other sentence , and sometimes oftener . Ada would have left , but she didn 't know the way home , and she couldn 't think of a tactful way to ask Wyatt to go - - he was laughing too hard at the stream of jokes and smutty stories , most of which starred tattoo man in some improbable role . More than once Wyatt nearly coughed up his food or coffee , trying not to laugh with his mouth full . They stayed for hours while his friend cooked for the customers . To their right , in a niche between the buildings and the bike path , men were playing chess at incredible speed , punching the buttons of their timing clocks . To their left , on the beach , men with large muscles and small bathing trunks were holding women above their heads . Wyatt and Ada walked out along the Santa Monica Pier , past the rides and the booths , to the end , where other men waited patiently , their fishing lines in the ocean . They spent the remainder of the day driving around Los Angeles , seeing various parts of town - - the Sunset Strip , movie studios , the San Fernando Valley . It reminded her of an advanced cancer : large , undifferentiated , and out of control . When they got home , in the early evening , she said , " Have we seen it all now ? " Wyatt only laughed . They took a nap , without even bothering to make love first . Half an hour later , when they woke , they were starting to remedy the oversight when someone knocked on the bedroom door . " Wyatt , we gotta go , man . " She told him about the girl . " Dave 's girlfriend , " she added . " I suppose . I 'm not sure . She mentioned a boyfriend , but I 'm still trying to figure out what she meant - - Dave , or someone else . " " Dave doesn 't have a girlfriend . Or he has a different one every week . They usually last six or eight hours . She 'd be someone else 's girlfriend . " " I asked you a question , goddammit . These are my friends . I 've known them longer than you . I want to make a living with them . Living like animals ? Is that what you think of me ? " " That excuse is worn out , baby , " he said . " This is the United States of America , not Costa Rica . It 's fucked up here . Get used to it . " He picked a shirt from the closet and left the bedroom . of one of the girls , that seemed to go on forever , until it rose to a series of loud " ah ! " s and ended . She fell asleep after the sound ended and then woke to similar sounds from another bed and another girl in another part of the house . This series didn 't last as long , but now Ada couldn 't fall asleep . She dressed and went out to the van . Wyatt wasn 't there . No sign of Wyatt . She heard the glider on the porch . There he was . She sat next to him and slipped her hand in his and rested her head on his shoulder . " No . I am . I shouldn 't have said that . " Pause . " What is this ? I 've never needed anyone , never felt what I feel with you , and then I act like a jerk . " They woke late and ate breakfast in the kitchen , Ada cleaning as she cooked , and discussed what they should do the rest of the week . She wanted to spend the entire time in bed together , but merely nodded when he listed the sights he thought she should see . So they saw the tourist attractions instead of making love all week , which would have been her preference . She disliked Disneyland - - the lines , the crowds , the insincerity of it , a machine to extract money from your pocket while making you feel warm . She disliked downtown - - the air made her wheeze - - but she loved the main library ; the architecture was a treasure . They went hiking in some of the canyons , in the mountains - - mountains in town ! She liked that , and their sandiness and dryness , so different from her mountains back home in Costa Rica . Then they went to Joshua Tree . She loved the rocks , the comic archaic shapes of the trees that were like something she would expect to see in a picture of Australia , the hiking , but it was summer and she insisted on not taking a break at mid - day and then she had to be treated for heat exhaustion . The clinic kept her overnight for observation , and let Wyatt sleep on the floor next to her . She was sunburned again , too . She spent the last two days in discomfort , inside the house in Venice , as close to the air conditioner as she could sit , her skin peeling and prickly . Would she never learn ? The band members popped in and out . Their work schedules seemed very irregular . She spent the time with Wyatt , who sat next to her , talking off and on while she read and he read and puttered and practiced music . Scarcely an hour passed without an argument about his friends . Then Dean was at the door and it was time to go . She had been here a week without managing to say to Wyatt what was in her heart . Dean put her suitcase in the trunk and waited on the other side of the car , looking away , to give her privacy . He put the ring on her finger . She held him . He held her . It didn 't help . She knew she had to go . She would be far away again . He was evaporating from her grasp We 're different . We want different things , we live differently , everything we value seems to be different . I don 't want the things you want . I couldn 't live the way you do . I couldn 't . I saw the underwear girl , and the drugs , and the casual sex your friends have , and the profanity , and your friend with the tattoos and the dirty jokes , and I thought : " Is this my future with Wyatt ? " first . You 've broken that promise . This is the thing that matters . You didn 't put us first . I 've thought about this very hard , and I 've finally come to see how naive I 've been . You didn 't really love me , not the kind of love that makes and keeps a promise , not the kind that puts itself above everything else . Your music career is the most important thing in your life . So be it . I will learn to accept that . It will take time , and it will hurt , again and again , but I will learn to accept that . I will learn not to be bitter . But I am bitter , and ashamed for being so . I truly think you didn 't mean to take advantage of me . I truly think you thought you loved me . You do love me . I know it . It 's just that you love something else more , and you had to make a choice , and you made the choice , and we will both have to live with it . I wish you had loved me enough to stay . I was brought up to believe in certain things - - simplicity , honesty , and to listen to the still small voice within and try to follow it . You have surrounded yourself with people who know nothing of these . I 'm afraid I would lose what matters to me , if my life was connected to theirs . The ride home was long enough for me to think about this . I thought of little else , in fact , and still do . When I got here , I wasn 't ready to admit this , but then I was alone again , and it seemed to me as if you have really gone . The person I saw in Los Angeles wasn 't you . You weren 't present . I could always talk to you . You always listened . You 've changed . I could wait , if I were waiting for Wyatt . But Wyatt is no more . Someone else has taken his place . Even the proposal of marriage was a way of keeping me . You say that we will be together again , and then never be apart . I don 't believe you . My mother told me the same thing , and then she died . There is no time . At least she meant what she said . I 'm not sure you do . It would have been simpler and truer either to stay with me , or to go , but brave as you are , this is one time you haven 't had the courage to make an honest choice . I hope I 'm not being unfair , but I think that you 've betrayed us . You promised to put us first , but you didn 't . After that , how can I believe that you 'll hold to your promise to stay there only one year ? I don 't think I can live even one year this way , much less however many years it finally is . This has no solution . We have avoided saying it , we have said that we have to solve the problem , but there is no solution . You are there , and I am here . That is how it is , and how it will continue to be . There is another thing . I think that I have misunderstood what I am feeling . I think that I have been blinded . Without experience , I have mistaken passion - - being driven by my desires and sensations - - I have mistaken these pent - up needs and drives , and my own loneliness , for lifelong love . Lovemaking isn 't love , but I think I was trying to make it into that . It was rapturous , but it wasn 't true union . The body isn 't enough . Something more is required . I 'm very confused . I know nothing about all this . It has never happened to me before . Perhaps this is a mistake . I don 't know . But I try to be honest with myself . I think that what we had is over . It must have been one of those love affairs that people grow out of . However much I wanted to avoid this conclusion , it became obvious . We have to part . This is the fourth time I 've tried to write this letter . The first three were unreadable because of my tears . There is no escaping this . I have to say goodbye . The pain is extraordinary , more terrible than I could ever have imagined . I still love you , and I will love you for a long time to come , maybe forever . I hope this feeling ends . I started to love you when I saw your courage and generosity , but I can 't stay with someone who is not honest with me . That is not love . The special tenderness we had is gone . Most of all , I can 't stay because you didn 't stay . It is obvious that it was only another affair , not important enough to sacrifice anything for . I know this hurts you , and that makes the pain worse for me , but I have suffered too much already . I am suffering still . If I could survive , I would put on a brave face and remain alone and continue writing letters back and forth and being distracted in class by thoughts of you . But the only way I 'll be able to live is to live without you . I can 't go on being your girlfriend - - I love you too much . It feels like you 've carried off my heart and are holding it hostage , and without my heart my life is hollow and drained . If you won 't give me my heart back , I 'll have to take it back . |
This is what my crazy husband brought me today at work for my birthday ! There are 36 in total , one for each year ! You can 't even see them all in this picture . I had to put them in a plastic recycle trashcan to get them all in water , lol ! Needless to say . . . he surprised me ! After he gave me the roses he took me to a great little Italian restaurant for a yummy lunch and tonight after Owen 's gymnastics we are all going out for sushi and my favorite dessert . . . cheesecake tempura ! Now the only other thing I want for my birthday is for my daughter to behave . For a week now Cackie has gotten U 's in conduct at schoool ( unsatisfactory ) . We 've tried everything in the book to get her to " use her listening ears " and improve her conduct , but nothing so far has worked . So today I used my birthday to lay a guilt trip on her . . . . I told her that the only thing I wanted for my birthday was for her to get an E ( excellent ) in conduct . I 'll leave work in a few minutes and will hopefully be met with good news ! I 'm keeping my fingers crossed that Cackie was well behaved and that Velcro Boy doesn 't make another appearance at gymnastics ! Stay tuned . . . Back at the first of November we signed Owen up for gymnastics lessons . He enjoyed watching Cackie at her lessons for months and a couple of times he tried to sneak into class with her , so we figured it was time to get him involved in his own activities . The only problem was that we wanted to have the kids in separate classes to eliminate fighting and give them each an opportunity for " alone time " . Unfortuntately that meant that Owen would have to take lessons on Thursday nights at 5 : 30 and Cackie would continue her lessons on Tuesdays at 6 : 30 . Trying to get into a routine we planned things so that I would take the kids to their lessons and Michael would spend time with whichever one didn 't have a lesson . This was working well until a few weeks ago when Cackie and I were about to leave the house and Owen attached himself to my leg and started crying . Michael freed me from Owen 's grips so we could leave and says that within a few minutes Owen was fine . Of course , this concerned Cackie and we had a long discussion in the car about Owen crying and how she didn 't want him to cry , etc . This happened a couple more times , but nothing big . Then last week Owen and I were at his lesson , he ran his 2 warmup laps around the track but when it was time to go off with his coach and take his lesson he suddenly became attached to my leg again . He started screaming " I want my Mommy " ( this always freaks me out and makes me afraid that someone will think I 'm abducting him ) . I begged and pleaded with him to calm down and go do his gymnastics , his coach even begged and pleaded with him but no luck . We went and got dressed despite the fact that I kept telling him that he was going home to go to bed . We had one brief minute where he wanted to go and join the class , but that was quickly over when he actually had to detach himself from my leg ! We went home and I didn 't quite know what to do . I was worried that something was wrong , but he had really enjoyed the lessons before and couldn 't figure out what happened . It was certainly becoming apparposted at I did it ! I walked 13 . 1 miles in 3 : 36 ! Saturday was a GREAT day ! It was sooo cold , but I got my butt out of bed and we all headed downtown to Autozone park to meet up with friends before the race . This is Jennifer and I warming up at the ballpark . The race officically started at 8AM , but it was a wave start , so I didn 't actually get started until close to 8 : 25 . Here 's one of the groups heading out before me , there were nearly 14 , 000 people racing ! Here I am at the starting line , you can 't tell but I was sooo cold ! I had my cellphone with me and was able to call Michael at different points during the race . He tried to meet up with me at mile 5 , but the police had the roads blocked off and it made getting around town very difficult . They were able to meet up with me between miles 6 & 7 and I was soo happy to see them ! They were able to make their way around between miles 8 & 9 to see me again . Here 's a great shot Michael got while they were waiting . . . When they saw me here Cackie got very excited . She ran up to me and gave me a huge bear hug . Only problem was that my hips were starting to ache and if I stopped I wouldn 't have been able to start again . I almost knocked poor Cackie over trying to get her detached from my legs ! The last 4 miles or so went pretty quickly for me . There was lots of traffic on the street and soo many people were out cheering the runners and walkers on . I was starting to hurt in my hips , but I had no doubt that I was going to finish . In fact , the last mile or so I was passing people who just couldn 't keep up any longer . Here I am just crossing the finish line . Michael said I had this big smile on everytime he saw me . The best part was getting to hug my kiddos when it was all over ! I finished just after noon and the kids were starving , so Michael took us out to lunch . After that we all took a much needed nap ! I was lucky enough to get a massage appointment for that afternoon and that helped my recovery a lot ! The rest of Saturday I did absolutely nothing , which is not like me at all . I was just too posted at I 've decided to do something crazy ! Some of you may know that back in August I began a training program to run / walk the St . Jude Half Marathon . But , then in September I started to have problems with my left ankle and after an MRI found out that I had a couple of stress fractures and had to quit training . Well , there has been lots going on between then and now and I just haven 't had time to get back into training . I figured it was just a silly dream to do a half marathon and it was time for me to get back to reality and focus on all the other things in my life . But , the thing is that I work at St . Jude . I 'm constantly hearing information about the upcoming events and the Marathon / Half Marathon is a pretty big one around here . When I heard the news that the Half Marathon was sold out I felt guilty … just before I got hurt I signed up for the Half Marathon to help give myself a goal and motivation , I even signed up to be a St . Jude Hero because I believe in what we do here at St . Jude . Once you are signed up to be in the race your spot is taken and can 't be given to anyone else even if you don 't show up to race . So , that race registration has been burning a hole in my brain . I keep thinking I 've signed up and no one else can take my place . Our old house is right in the middle of the race course , so over the years we 've tried to go out and about on race day and have seen the participants , some running and a lot of them walking along just to be a part of the race . I keep thinking about those walkers and I 've told myself , I can do that ! So , this Saturday I will get out of bed early and get out into the cold morning to be at the starting line downtown ( anyone who really knows me will know that getting up early and out in the cold will be half the battle ) . I 'll walk for as long and as far as I can . There are no promises that I 'll finish this race ! But , the whole time I 'm walking I will be thinking about the reasons why I 'm there … because I believe in the mission of St . Jude and want to do something elsposted at One year ago today around 3 : 30 pm , my life was changed forever . I was at work and had just finished cleaning up one of the cubicles to get ready for a new co - worker in my department . I had sat down at my desk and my cellphone rang . It took me a second before it registered that the area code was from Colorado and my heart skipped a beat when I answered and realized that it was Pam from the waiting child department on the other end . I don 't remember much about the conversation , but I remember her telling me that she had a sweet little boy who needed a Mommy & Daddy . She emailed me his pictures , but warned me that they were not the best she had ever seen . I was in shock and didn 't quite know what to do . I opened the email to find this picture . . . I called Michael after that , he was home with Cackie who was sick that day . I was crying , of course , and he immediately wondered what was wrong . I told him that I had a picture of his son and I could tell that it took at second for the news to register with him . I was glad I wasn 't the only one in shock over this ! I went home shortly after that and we had many discussions . We took a few days to think about this little boy and how he would change our lives . It took us a little longer than we would have liked , but all this happened just 2 days before Thanksgiving . I remember when we finally heard from our pediatrician , we were out eating dinner and we were soo glad to hear that she said we needed to bring this little boy home . We had already come to that decision , but just needed that last bit of confirmation before we jumped in . After we got home from dinner and had put Cackie to bed I called CCAI and left a voicemail for Pam , I just couldn 't wait till the next morning to call ! Today that sweet little boy is my Owen and I can 't imagine what our lives would be without him ! P . S . On that day , one year ago , after I called Michael and shared my shock with him , I went back into the cubicle that I was cleaning out just to check and make sure I had put everythinig away . Sitting right in tposted at Anyone remember the movie " The Money Pit " ? I 'm beginning to think we 're starring in the sequel that is being filmed by candid camera ! First , the previous owners left us with a horribly green pool . Actually , it was a beautiful green color , just not something you would ever want to swim in . We were soo frustrated with trying to get the sellers out of our house and get moved in that we just let it go . Finally , two weeks ago we were able to get some pool guys to come out and winterize the pool , at a cost that was much greater due to the fact that it had been neglected by the previous owners . Then , there 's been the issue our guest house . The previous owner 's had a renter there and had told us before closing that he had moved out . . . . not true ! He finally moved out the same weekend we moved in , but now we 've been left with his disgusting mess and the previous owners never came forward to give us the cleaning deposit that they collected from him . We also have electrical issues in the family room that was added on to the original house . Let 's just say that the electrical wiring is sooo not to code ( this is where having an engineer for a husband is a GREAT thing ! ) . We found one electrical outlet behind the dishwasher in the wetbar that was SPARKING ! ! ! ! ! YIKES ! Now , our latest issue is a leak . . . . it 's in a lovely spot , just off the kitchen in the breakfast room . I came home the other day during a rain storm to find the ceiling leaking . It has continued to leak steadily , but it 's not raining any longer . Michael has been working on drawing up the layout of the house and it looks like the issue is not the roof ( a good thing ? ) , but that it 's the toilet in the master bath . We are very unhappy with the master bath and bought the house knowing that we would be changing it up and expanding it , but we weren 't quite prepared to do it right now . Oh , in addition to the leak appearing the other day . It kinda looks like this is not the first time it has happened . It also appears that there may be termite damage in the ceiling of the breakfast posted at Six months ago yesterday was Owen 's gotcha day ! In six months he has gone from this shy , careful little boy who was scared of just about everything . . . To this little ham who loves to see his pictures on the camera , is still kinda scared of animals but is very curious about them , thinks his big sister holds the moon and stars and loves to jump , run and play ! Wow ! What an amazing 6 months it has been ! A lot has changed in his life , but he takes it all in stride and brings smiles to everyone 's faces . We love you Owee ! So , as a celebration of his 6 months home we are starting him in gymnastics lessons tonight . He 's always wanting to take classes with Cackie , but we were a little worried that a class together would be hard on them and the coach . Hopefully he 'll enjoy tonight and will want to do more . Cackie won 't be there with us tonight which I hope will give him a chance to open up and enjoy his own thing . Well , the polling booth at least ! Yesterday Michael went to pick the kids up from school and came home with this great story . . . The teachers were planning a voting activity for today and had fashioned a voting booth out of a large cardboard box . Well , when Michael picked the kids up they got a little out of hand ( who , my kids ? ) and were fighting over a spot in the voting booth . In the process of fighting they knocked down the booth and tried to tear it up . If I remember correctly , when Michael was telling me about it he lovingly referred to Cackie & Owen as " numbnuts " . Today I 'm happy to report that the polling booth was intact and that the kids had overwhelmingly voted for mint over strawberry . . . um , I mean Obama over McCain . Never a dull moment here ! I have a bad habit that has got to stop ! My bad habit it that I will use my credit or debit card for something and instead of putting it back in my wallet , I will put it in my pocket and move it to my wallet later . I do this a lot at work when I go to the cafeteria for lunch . I 'll take out my debit card and forget to put it back in my purse . Often I 'll forget to take it out of my pocket and the next day I 'll go to get lunch only to realize that I have no debit card . Well , my habit gets even worse . . . Last week I filled up my car with gas and instead of putting my American Express card back in my purse , I put it in the pocket of the jacket that I was wearing . You can guess what happened next . . . the card fell out of my jacket pocket and I never knew it . I actually discovered it when I was trying to buy something online , I have the card number memorized and when I went to complete my transaction it came up as rejected with some note about a lost card . I went searching for my card and couldn 't find it . That night I called American Express and sure enough I had lost the card and some nice person had called it in to AmEx . They cancelled my card and are sending a new one . I got sooo lucky ! No fraudlent charges and all the mess that goes along with that , I just have to wait for my new card to arrive . So , THANK YOU whoever you are that took the honest approach and called in my lost card ! I SOOOO APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY ! ! ! ! Yes , I 'm really catching up on pictures ! Here 's a slideshow of May 14 , our last full day in China . At the end there is a picture of us on the plane on our way home . Then there is a picture of Chris Douglas Roberts , Michael got to meet him in Chicago when he got stranded there trying to get our painting back . The last picture is the balloons that our friends brought when they met us at the airport . The kids lost control of them at the airport and they were there on the ceiling when Michael finally arrived home . I 'm catching up on photos from our China trip . Here is a slideshow from May 13 . This was the day that we had the red couch photos and then went out to dinner at the Thai Restaurant . Here in Memphis it 's rainy and gloomy . I needed something to help cheer me up , so I thought I would share some old pictures . These are from May 12th when we were in Guangzhou . Enjoy ! You may have missed it , but two weeks ago it was Fire Prevention Week . It presents the perfect opportunity to teach preschoolers about fire prevention and how to handle a fire emergency . You know . . . stop , drop and roll . . . and how to dial 9 - 1 - 1 . Well , Cackie apparently learned her lessons at school well since she dialed 9 - 1 - 1 at least 4 times this morning while she and Owen were downstairs watching TV and Michael & I were upstairs getting ready ! I got downstairs to find the phone on speaker and when pressed Cackie admitted that she had played with it . I hung up the phone and it immediately started ringing I picked it up and Michael also picked it up from upstairs . On the line was a Memphis Police dispatcher asking if everything was OK because 9 - 1 - 1 had been dialed . I reassured them that our 4 year - old had learned how to dial 9 - 1 - 1 at school and tried to practice on our house phone . When we hung up the phone immediately rang again . It was another dispatcher telling us that the police were on their way since someone had dialed 9 - 1 - 1 at least 4 times from our number . Within seconds Cackie was in the corner ! I had already decided that she was going to have to tell the police officers what she had done when the phone rang again . The police were verifying that everything was OK and that we did not need officers dispatched to our house . Michael apologized profusely and that must have done the trick since we never saw signs of the good boys in blue . Needless to say , I 'm now glad to be at work ! Michael hopefully brought her little mishap to the attention of her teachers , we sure can use their help in reinforcing that she made a VERY BAD choice ! More later about our weekend and Cackie & Owen 's mishaps with the lotion bottle at my parents house . . . . I sure hope they are in style since I 'm sporting this nifty one . . . I know it 's no excuse , but this is one reason why I haven 't updated lately . I 've been running so hard I broke my foot ! No , not really . Actually this is what exercise will do for you ! Back in July I started a women 's running program . After a few weeks I lost a little momentum and then picked it up again just before the program was over . So , when I found out that our gym was starting a program to train for the half marathon I jumped at the opportunity . I was doing great , feeling good and was motivated when my ankle started to hurt . I took a few days off and it didn 't get any better so I made an appointment with an orthopedic doc . He took some xrays and found nothing , so I was scheduled for an MRI . The MRI showed that I have a number of horizontal stress fractures in my foot and ankle . Yuck ! I went for about a week after that just wearing a brace on my foot and it started to hurt more and more so I called and asked for a boot . It 's soo fashionable , dont ' cha think ? Tomorrow I go for a bone density test and hopefully that will provide some answers as to what 's going on . In addition to my foot woes the kids are keeping us ever busy , we 've moved to our new house and I 'm halfway through the fall semester in my MBA Finance class . Just a few things keeping me away from the computer ! The move went OK . It wasn 't the smoothest , but once we got through with dealing with the sellers it has been a lot better . There are a lot of things around the house that need fixing or updating and I keep telling Michael that this house needs him . It will take some time and a lot of hard work , but I have no doubts that it will be absolutely beautiful when we are finished . This weekend we are headed to Knoxville for the Tennessee vs . Mississippi State game . My Uncle Donald is coming down to visit and it will be the first time Owen will get to meet him . We 're looking forward to getting away and might not know what to do with a little free time on our hands . That 's it for now . I 'm soo posted at I know it 's been a long time since I 've posted here . We 've been staying busy with lots going on and I just haven 't had much time to spend on the computer . I 'm going to try to do better to keep this updated . I 'm soo happy to share that right now I 'm sitting on the couch while Owen lays next to me watching his favorite Little Einsteins . We 've been home about half an hour from having his ear tubes put in , adenoids removed and his circumcision done . He 's doing wonderfully right now , even if he does look a little pitiful and groggy . He 's already told Michael & I both that he loves us and gave Michael a big kiss . I 'm very excited to see the changes that the ear tubes and adenoids bring . So , to back up a little . . . we followed up with the ENT a few weeks ago and even after 2 months of medication therapy it was obvious that Owen had a lot of fluid in his ears . The doctor told us that he would definitely need tubes and his adenoids removed . We had to wait a few weeks for our appointment with the pediatric urologist , but then it all came together quickly . The two doctors were able to work out their schedules so that they could take care of everything during the same surgery . This was a relief to us since he would only need to be put under anesthesia once . When the ENT doc was finished he told Michael & I that there was quite a bit of fluid in Owen 's ears and he probably had about a 25 decible hearing loss . He 's sure the tubes will help a lot and expects that Owen 's speech and pronunciation will take off ! The urologist said everything went just fine and the only restriction is that Owen needs to keep off of bikes & tricycles for a couple of weeks . So , now that is behind us and we are very happy ! We 've been up to all kinds of other things around here . Two weeks ago we were on vacation at Dauphin Island , AL . We ended up leaving home a couple days late because tropical storm Fay was coming through and there was a little bit of storm surge that we were worried about . The rental agency was able to change our reseravations , so leaving posted at So , it 's official . . . we 're moving ! We came to the final agreement with the sellers this weekend so that means it 's time to start packing . Ugh ! This whole thing is really a huge surprise to us . We got back from China and started talking about our plans to add on to our house , because it was very obvious that we needed more room . But , since our lives have been so busy with work this summer we never got any further than just talking about our plans . Then just before Cackie 's birthday , Michael told me about a house in our neighborhood that was just put up for sale and that it had always intrigued him and he wanted to see it . So , we called our realtor and she took us by to check it out . It turned out to be a great house with a lot of potential , but it 's potential could only be reached through lots of time , hard work and MONEY ! It was really just too much for us to even consider and it didn 't meet all of our needs so we knew it wasn 't meant to be . But , it did get us thinking about what a good market it is to buy in right now and we looked at some listings online to see if there was anything that interested us . We identified a couple and had emailed our realtor about them , but just hadn 't been able to set up a time to get together to see them . I was also looking at the ads in the Sunday paper and came across an open house that sounded interesting ( it was like 105 degrees that day , so the pool sounded wonderful ) . I had to go into work that morning for a little while , but then after I got home and the kids woke up from their naps we decided to go ahead and check out the open house . We walked in and within a couple of minutes I was totally in love ! By the time we left there Michael & I both knew that we wanted to buy the house . In fact , I remember us walking down the front sidewalk to leave and he said . . . let 's buy it ! That was Sunday and by Tuesday night we had a contract to buy it ! On the 8th we had our home inspection and some things were identified that needed to be taken care of , so we came to an agreement with the sellerposted at Yes , I 've been gone for a LONG time because I 've been working too much ! Michael has been working too much as well , so we 've been a pretty grouchy bunch around our house . I 'm finally getting some relief from my work , YAY ! Michael should be getting some relief real soon . Even though we 've been working a lot we 've still had a lot of stuff going on around our house . We celebrated 2 months with Owen , the 4th of July , Cackie 's 4th birthday , our 9th wedding anniversary , the kids and I took a weekend to visit LaoLao & LaoYe , we 're buying a new house & moving and we 're about to celebrate 3 months with Owen ! I 'm hoping to get some time this weekend to share more about what we 've been up to and on our big upcoming plans . I 've also got quite a few pictures that I 'm hoping to get posted to share . One thing that is for sure around here . . . we 're staying busy ! For one week , later this summer this beautiful house will be our home ! That 's right . . . we 're headed to the beach ! I can 't wait ! We haven 't been to the beach in years and neither Cackie or Owen has ever been , so it should be an awesome week . It 's also motivation to keep watching what I eat , maybe I 'll be able to treat myself to a new swimsuit ! Open . . . a simple little word , but music to my ears yesterday . I was loading the kids in the car after picking them up from school and while I was buckling Cackie in Owen hands me his little bag of Teddy Grahams and says " open " . I was soo excited ! I ran around to his side of the car , opened his Teddy Grahams and gave him a big kiss ! I think I 'll remember this like I remember Cackie taking her first steps . Later , after we were home Owen came running from the kitchen saying " water " . He wanted a drink of water and told me instead of grabbing my hand and dragging me into the kitchen . Yay ! The best part of the day was when he copied me and said " night night , love you " as I was tucking him into bed . Small steps , but we 're getting there ! and I survived . . . SORT OF ! Last night was a first for us . It was the first time Michael had to go out of town since Owen has joined our family . It was the first time for me to be the sole caregiver for more than a couple of hours . Things went pretty well , thankfully ! Of course Michael 's trip coincided with a busy important day for me at work where everything came down to the last minute and it was also the day that I had to take Katie to the vet for her monthly shot , oh and then it was also the night of Cackie 's gymnastics lesson , no biggie ! I 'm happy to report that the work got done , Katie got picked up from the vet and taken home and we all got to gymnastics early . After gymnastics I treated the kids to McDonald 's and they even got to bed before 9 pm ! Whoo hoo for me ! When Michael is not home I never sleep well , but was surprised that I slept until I was awakened to screaming at 4 am . I rushed down the stairs to figure out WHO was screaming and wouldn 't you know it , once I turned on the hall light they stopped screaming ! I checked on both kids . . . Cackie appeared to be sleeping and Owen was readjusting himself , but seemed fine and didn 't respond when I spoke to him so I figured it was just a dream . I kissed them both , left the room and headed back upstairs . Just as I was about to climb back in bed the screaming started again ! I still couldn 't figure out which one of them it was , so I raced back downstairs , turned on the hall light and they stopped ! This time Cackie had her eyes slightly open and looked at me . I asked her if she was the one screaming and she just looked at me and said " Good Night " . Owen was out , so I knew it wasn 't him . I headed back upstairs , the whole time praying that whatever the problem was had passed . I never heard from them again the rest of the night , and I would have known since I only got little cat naps until I had to get up at 6 : 15 . I need 7 to 8 hours a night , so it 's killing me now that I didn 't get it . I 'm soo glad Michael will be back tonight ! This morning went much better than expectedposted at No , we haven 't fallen off the face of the earth … we 've just been very very busy trying to adapt to our new lifestyle . I 've been meaning to sit and update the blog for days , but just haven 't found the time . Rather than try to write out a super long story about everything , I 'll give an overview of what we 've been up to …• We had a great Memorial Day weekend , very busy but a lot of fun . Friday night we took the kids to a baseball game . We sat on blankets on the bluff and had a really great time just playing and hanging out . That Saturday we worked on stuff around the house , trying to return things to normal and just stayed home . It was nice to have one day to not have to run out and be anywhere by a certain time . That Sunday we went to church and then went out to our favorite catfish restaurant for lunch , yummy ! Late that afternoon we met friends at our favorite brewpub for a quick bite before we all headed over to the members party at the zoo . We love the zoo members parties because it gives us the chance to do the zoo at night . They also let the kids " swim " in the big fountain at the entrance and it 's usually packed full of kids having a great time getting wet . We ended up spending most of the evening at the fountain letting the kids enjoy the water . Cackie was actually more hesitant than Owen about getting in , what a change from three weeks before ! After the zoo we headed for ice cream , always a favorite of everyone in our group . On Monday we picked up some BBQ and went to spend the day with Michael 's Mom & Stepdad . The kids were a little tired since we were there during nap time , but they had a great time showing off for everyone ! • The first week home Owen & I spent most of our days running errands and trying to get things accomplished around the house . It seemed like we were out every day with one thing or another . On one of our trips I bought a pool for the kids and they 've really enjoyed spending time in it in the afternoons . • Our second week home I ended up working from home , tposted at OK , we 've been home almost a week . Things have been soo crazy around here that I just haven 't had time to sit down at the computer and post . I started writing out the story of our trip home ( it didn 't exactly go as planned ) , just need to find a little time to sit down and finish it up . I 've been spending time trying to get things in order around here . The house is an absolute MESS ! We never organized the kids room with their clothes & toys before we left , so that just adds to the disorganization . Thankfully I 've got the major laundry out of the way , of course it probably needs to be done again . Both kids have already been to the doctor . . . Cackie got to visit the Saturday clinic because we discovered some nice spots all over the back of her throat . We got her tested and it 's just a virus , no strep . Owen had his first checkup yesterday and passed with flying colors . He has a little bit of an ear infection in his left ear but that should be cleared up after a couple days of meds . Like good Memphians we 've already introduced Owen to BBQ ! On Sunday since we couldn 't go to church because of Cackie 's throat we went to the zoo and then had BBQ after . That was a busy day and both kids were in desperate need of a nap when we got home ( mom , too ! ) . I think we 're pretty much back on Memphis time . It didn 't take too long , really . I think we would have been back on normal time sooner if it hadn 't been for Cackie 's cold and the fact that Michael & I were feeling a little yucky , too . I think getting home in the early evening and getting to bed shortly thereafter really helped with our adjustment . OK , gotta get the day started . Lots to do . . . hopefully I can find some time in the next few days to finish my story of our trip home and post any pictures I missed . I 've got hundreds of emails to catch up on , so I 'm working on that , too . We have a very bittersweet feeling right now . . . we can 't wait to be home , but we hate to leave China that has such a emotional bond with us . It 's tough taking a child from their home country . I just hope that we can continue to teach Cackie & Owen to love their birth country . We are packing our final items and will head out very early in the morning , so this will be our last update from China . I never got a chance to post the pictures , I 'll do that once we get settled in Memphis . We can 't wait to see and hug everyone ! We are soo anxious to get home , sleep on softer beds and get into a routine . See everyone in Memphis ! Love , Deanna , Michael , Cackie , Owen & Caryn Wow , we 've gotten a number of messages about the earthquake and I can say that we are totally and completely safe ! We actually didn 't even know about the earthquake until around 10pm last night when Caryn was checking messages and had an email about it . When it actually happened we were all napping and never knew a thing . Most of the places in China that felt it were much farther north of us and we 're only on the 9th floor of a 20 + floor building located on an island , so any chance for us to feel anything would be minimal . We were surprised that we didn 't hear anything about it when we went out last night . We took a Pearl River cruise and there were a couple small TVs onboard , but no one ever said anything about it . We 're glad that we are safe and from a quick check of some websites it sounds as if the orphanages in those areas are OK . Our thoughts and prayers go out to all of the people in Sichuan province and all the aid workers who are doing all they can to help . Yesterday we had our first official business to do here in Guangzhou . Michael & I took Owen to get his photo taken for his US visa and then we went on to have his medical exam done . It all went well , but Owen seemed to be concerned with all the cries of the children who were there waiting with us . Owen 's official statics are 14kg and 96 . 5cm ( 30 . 86 lbs and 38 inches ) . After that we did some shopping and walking and then headed back to the hotel for a nap . We woke them up from nap a little early so that we could have some swimming time . The weather was a lot warmer and that helped because the water was still pretty cool . Owen once again screamed his head off when we got in , but we wouldn 't give up on him and kept working with him . By the time we were done he was holding onto my shoulders and kicking his legs behind him or hanging onto the side of the pool and kicking behind him . We are soo proud of his progress ! We didn 't have much time at the pool becuase we had to eat something quick and be ready to meet Kris , Jim , Austin , Owen and Jocelyn to do the Pearl posted at Sorry that it 's been a few days since I updated . We 've been busy and travelling and there just hasn 't been time to get on the computer . For our last day in Tianjin Helen brought us Owen 's passport ! Yay ! That was the last thing that we needed before we could leave Tianjin ! Most of the morning we just spent in our room playing and starting to get our bags packed . For lunch Helen took us to a hotpot restaurant . It was soo good ! We had never tried hotpot before , but we definitely want to do it again , Yummy ! On the way back to the hotel after our lunch we stopped in at a cross stitch shop and I got 3 great kits to make . Two of them are emperor and empress designs that I can give the kids when they get married and one is a beautiful flower design for me to hang in the house . Once I get done knitting Owen 's blanket I hope to get started on that one . After our nice long nap we met Helen and took a taxi to the Tianjin Cultural Street . It was full of little shops that sold all sorts of trinkets , most of them were little souvenirs but some were traditional crafts or foods native to Tianjin . We bought a couple of little things and Helen treated us to some candy and a twisted baked snack that is a local favorite . It sort of reminded me of a chinese pretzel with sesame seeds , very yummy ! After wandering around there and playing in a park area a bit we decided to walk back to our hotel . It wasn 't very far , but it was rush hour so that was a little nerve wracking . From there we went to dinner at a dumpling restaurant because eating dumplings is a lucky way to begin a new journey ( this is why it is tradition to eat dumplings at Chinese New Year ) . There are many things that I love and try to understand about the Chinese culture , but one that I will never get used to is the squatty potty . In my opinion they are just GROSS ! Why women put up with this is beyond me ! It doesn 't help that Cackie has a potty fetish either ! At the dumpling restaurant Cackie of course had to use the bathroom and it was the nastiest , dirtiest squatty potty thatposted at Today we woke up and got started late . It was nice to be a little relaxed . Cackie took a shower with me and then Michael was able to get Owen into the tub with him . It started out as a fight , but by the end of the bath he was laughing and smiling . Yay ! Maybe that 's another small victory . After breakfast we pulled out the double stroller and went out for a walk . We walked to a little park that is attached to a hospital down the street and did some exploring and then we went down to the river that is nearby . They have a very nice river walk area with a HUGE ferris wheel on a bridge over the river . We had a good time just walking along and looking at the different people . Just one more full day in Tianjin . On Saturday we head to Guangzhou where hopefully we won 't draw as many crowds . It will be nice to be in a familiar place and see some friends . Thank you for all the comments and messages ! We love hearing from everyone and feeling connected to back home . Just one more week and we 'll be back ! Helen was not able to go to lunch with us , but thankfully Robert can read and speak chinese . Otherwise we would have been lost ! We had a wonderful lunch with Robert and got the opportunity to learn some about the orphanage and how things work there for the children . He couldn 't tell us anything about Owen 's foster family , but did say that he 's one of the first in his " kindergarten " class to be adopted and he figured that some of the other children would be adopted soon . It was really a good time and we are soo thankful for having Robert to share information with us and be there to help the children . After lunch it was naptime and we all were able to get some good rest . I 'm really getting used to these 2 hour naps in the afternoon ! After nap we went swimming ! Owen was really scared at first . We all went to sit on the edge of the pool , but he stood off in the distance near the lounge chairs . I coaxed him into my lap and we used his dumptruck to bring water over to dribble on him . I inched slowly closer to the pool and by the time we left he was sitting with me on the edge with his feet in the water . A smalll victory maybe ? After swimming we went out pick up the cameras that we had sent in care packages to Owen . Only 2 of the 3 cameras processed , but there are some great pictures in them . There are a couple pictures with Owen 's foster mom , his teacher and maybe his foster dad . There are also a couple pictures with 2 little girls that I will share with the Tianjin group after we get home . After that we did some walking around to see if we could find somewhere to eat . We had asked Helen about a " western " restaurant and she suggested McDonald 's , not exactly what we had in mind . So , we did some walking to see if we could find a good place to eat . We came across a " western " restaurant and decided to give it a try . It wasn 't exactly what we consider western . . . we had some sort of italian cod , chicken curry , beef & pepper stew and spaghetti with meat sauce . Thinking about it now , it 's the craziest meal we 've ever eaten ! At least it wasn 't too bad and Owen was introduced to spaghetti ( sort of ) . The kids were being good ( well as good as they could be ) so we went to McDonald 's to treat them to ice cream . The McDonald 's was like walking into a sauna , it was easily 85 degrees in there , so the ice cream was VERY welcome ! We then headed back to the hotel to get ready for bed . It was nearly 10 pm at this point and we were all beat . We had a quick screaming session with Owen when we had to take something away from him , but then it wasn 't too long before we were out for the night . He LOVES his backpack ! He 's very attached to it and if we try to take it from him he can get quite upset . He carries a couple matchbox cars , a magnadoodle pad and his camera in it . He has worn out the batteries in the camera , mostly just playing with it , but sometimes intending to take pictures . I need to charge the batteries when we get a chance . Occasionally he will show frustration with Cackie . She is having pretty rough time with all this . If Baba or I show too much attention to him she has to jump in and try to get us to pay attention to her . Sometimes when she does this Owen can get testy and will try to push her away . He does not like cats or dogs . We recieved a letter from his foster family that said this , but we saw it in action last night when we went out for a walk . A cat jumped down from a brick wall and ran under a car about 30 feet away and he started to pull back and wouldn 't walk forward . Then , later we were walking past a shop that had a dog sitting out front and she screamed and pulled away . ( this is going to make life at home VERY difficult ! ) He 's pretty tiny . He is tall and has a big belly , but his arms & legs are very skinny . On Monday we changed him into some shorts that I had from Walmart that said 24 mos , but they almost fell off of him . We had some other shorts that were 3T with elastic waist and they fit him a lot better . Unfortunately he had two messes and we had to make a trip to Walmart to get some extra drawstring shorts for him . So , we may need to do some shopping when we get home . He is not fond of the bathtub . Monday night we tried to give him a bath and it ended up in a screaming match . Last night tried again , but he had his backpack on and wouldn 't give it up . He is a very neat little boy . If he takes something out he puts it away when he 's done . If I open a drawer to put something away he does not like it if I leave the drawer open , he immediately comes behind me to close it . He also tries to close the doors at the hotel entrance whenever we go in or out . He LOVES to eat ! The only things so far that we could not get him to eat are soup and some broccoli at breakfast this morning . So far he has eaten corn , spare ribs , shrimp , asparagus , spinach , lamb , chicken , pork , eggplant , rice , noodles , eggs , watermelon , potatoes , carrots , snow peas , apples , bacon , sausage , steamed bread . . . pretty much everything we give him . He eats so much at one time that his belly is rock hard by the time we leave the table . He likes cars , crayons , coloring and playdoh . But he really doesn 't like things that make too much noise and this morning he freaked out when I brought out some light up balls that have tentacles like an octopus . He seemed to like the light part , but once all the tentacles came out he started screaming . He has a VERY loud scream ! This morning we went to wake Cackie up and something in the dark room scared him and the scream was ear piercing ! A few minutes later someone from the hotel came walking around the floor and we had to wonder if it was because of his screaming . He is a very sweet and loving little boy ! He will walk up to us and and hold up his arms wanting us to hold him . He 's even started giving us the cutest little kisses . Yesterday we had to wake him up suddenly from his nap to go and take care of some paperwork . We thought we were going to do that today , but things changed and we had to move quickly . He was such a good boy , didn 't cry , scream or anything . He just went with the flow and wanted to explore everything he could . All our paperwork is now done . He 's officially ours , we 're just waiting in Tiajin for his passport to be issued . We should get that on Friday and then on Saturday we will head to Guangzhou to get his US Visa . We went to the orphanage at 11 am yesterday and Helen brought us two bags full of stuff for Owen . One was full of all kinds of snacks and treats that he likes and the other had one of the boxes that we had sent to him with some of the clothes and toys that we had sent . The photo books that I had sent him were also in the box and some of the pages looked really worn , at least one of the pictures was even missing , so I think he was able to look at the books a lot . We were also excited because the Tiger doll that we had sent was dirty and looked played with . We were shuffled from one room to another and then we were finally taken upstairs so that the orphanage director could speak to us . A few minutes later they brought in Owen and another little girl that was being adopted as well . I went to him and he just leaned on me . I know it was overwhelming for me , so it must have been for him . We pulled out one of the photo books and he pointed to his picture and said " HangHang " , then when I asked him to point to MaMa and BaBa he pointed to our pictures . We were only in that room a few minutes longer and then we were all shuffled out to leave . He started to cry a little while we were in the room , but one of the nannies came over to talk to him and that seemed to make it all better . When we got into the car I sat in the very back with him and he started to say a few things , but Helen really couldn 't understand what he was saying . Helen did ask him if he was hungry and he said yes . It was past his normal lunch time , so we headed back to the hotel to drop some things off and then we went down the street to a restaurant for lunch . We had told Helen that Cackie liked corn , so she ordered a corn dish for us that was VERY good and HangHang LOVED it ! He easily ate 3 or 4 whole bowls of it , plus lamb spare ribs ( right off the bone ! ) , some sort of fried chicken , rice and steamed bread . The only thing that he had no interest at all in was the soup . Every time we tried to give him soup he would shake his head really hard ! We couldn 't believe how much of everything else he was eating ! Now , looking back on it , I think he was afraid that we would take something away and that he had better eat while it was there . We were able to get him to giggle and smile during lunch and we had a really good time . At one point Helen was able to get him to laugh with his mouth open and we were given an AWESOME surprise . . . his palate surgery has already been done ! We had no clue about this at all ! After lunch we headed back to the hotel to try to lay down for a nap . We had to close all the blinds , turn off all the lights and Michael , Cackie , HangHang and I all laid down on the bed together for a nap . Good thing we were able to get a king size bed ! We napped for not quite 2 hours and then we had to go out to meet Helen . Before the nap we tried to let him take off his long sleeve shirt and sandals , but he would have nothing to do with it . After nap he allowed us to go ahead and change him into a tshirt , shorts & the sandals that I brought . I was soo glad we were able to do that , poor guy was getting really hot . So , we met Helen and we all headed down to the McDonald 's to use their play area . The play area wasn 't much , but it was just enough for Cackie to run and have some fun and HangHang did some loosening up and playing . Helen treated us all to ice cream sundaes and it was soo cute to watch him eat it . He wouldn 't let it out of his sight . Then Helen gave him a french fry and he loved it too ! Nothing like creating a monster early , huh ? We played at McDonald 's for quite a while , it was soo hot in there I thought I was going to melt . When we were done we stopped to buy a couple of drinks and we put HangHang 's orange juice in a soft spout sippy cup for him . He LOVED that cup and wouldn 't give it up . It seemed as if he was using it as a pacifier , but that was OK . He was riding on Michael 's shoulders and loved it ! We got back to the hotel and none of us were really hungry ( HangHang 's belly was still tight ! ) , so we just played a while . Then , Michael & I tried to give him a bath , but he definately did not like that ! He watched Cackie take a bath after him and that seemed to help ease his fears . We 'll try again later ! After bath we got the kids ready for bed and tucked into the big bed together . We tried sitting in the room with the lights out , but the two of them were getting into mischeif and wouldn 't be quite . We finally got them to calm down , but they still laid there awake . Michael & I went out in the hall with the door propped open slightly and they seemed to calm down a bit more . We sat out in the hall until just after 10 and then got into bed with the kids . HangHang was still awake , but fell asleep fast once we were there with him . Well , we haven 't had much opportunity to get online and then last night when we tried the internet connection in our room was not working . Michael has headed to the front desk to see if we can get it fixed , but meanwhile I 'm in Caryn & Cackie 's room where the connection is working . I 've posted what I 've written about the last few days , but I 'm still behind on pictures . Our camera takes such high resolution pics that it can take a lot of time to upload them . I 'm working on it now and will post photos as soon as I can . Right now it 's 9 : 15 am on Monday and we are to meet Helen in the lobby at 11 : 00 am to head to the orphanage . I think it 's pretty close by , so we should probably have Owen with us not too long after 11 . Michael and I are both pretty nervous this morning and Cackie is being VERY talkative , so I suspect she is starting to realize that things are about to change . I 'm off to work on pictures and will send an update later as soon as I can . Today was the most stressful day by far ! I 'm glad it is behind us and I 'm praying that the rest of the trip is not nearly as stressful . We got up at 6 am just like the last 2 days , but instead of eating breakfast at the hotel for $ 20 a piece we went to McDonald 's and we all ate for less than $ 10 ! We could just kick ourselves for spending so much those other days , oh well ! Last trip we never ate at an American restaurant and we had really wanted to avoid it this time , but it just didn 't make sense to us to not go . Across the street from McDonald 's was a bank and we got quite a shock when we saw the armored car " brigade " that was lined up out front . It was almost scary ! Now that is some bank security ! After breakfast we headed back to the hotel to do our final packing and were ready early when Helen arrived at the hotel to get us . We had a LOT more luggage than Helen had planned on and we had trouble getting it all packed into the van . We headed to the train station and of course got caught in a traffic jam . Helen jumped out of the van to find some guys to help us haul all our luggage because as we found out later the train stations in China are not traveler friendly . We got out everything out of the van and as we started heading toward the train station I asked Cackie to give me her hand so that I wouldn 't lose her . She has had more than her share of stubborn moments and decided to have one right there on the street . When she refused to give me her hand I grabbed it out of pure fear that she would get too close to the street and she started to throw an absolute fit ! She was screaming and the whole moment became 100 times more stressful that it already was . While trying to contain Cackie in her fit , we were trying to keep up with Helen and the two dudes who had taken off with our luggage . Then as we entered the train station we had to put all our luggage through a luggage scanner , but everything was moving at 5 times the pace of what we went through at the airport . After hoping that we had gathered everposted at Still getting caught up … So , what does someone who has developed a fear of heights do while in China ? They climb the Great Wall in a thunder & lightening storm , of course ! On Saturday we met Helen at 8 : 30am and headed to pick up Kris , Jim & Austin at their hotel . It was very cloudy and much cooler than it had been on Friday . We were headed outside the city to visit the Great Wall and traffic was pretty congested . On the way there it started to rain and we were getting worried . But , first we stopped at a jade factory for a quick tour to learn some about jade and , of course , to do some shopping . We loved all the jade at the factory and got a few very nice things to have as reminders of this wonderful trip . Just about the time we were leaving the jade factory it started to rain really hard and there was even some thunder and lightning , but Helen checked and was told that it was not raining at the Great Wall . So , we headed on . As we were driving it was like all of a sudden the scenery changed from city to country side and then to very tall mountains . The mountains were VERY steep and it was all soo beautiful . We started to catch glimpses of the Great Wall and we all started to get excited . Of course , it had started raining by that point and pretty hard , but we were all soo excited that we didn 't think it would matter . The temperature had dropped a lot by that point and truthfully , we were not prepared for that . If it had just been cool it wouldn 't have been so bad , but the rain on top of it made it quite uncomfortable . We put Cackie in the backpack carrier on Michael 's back and each of us had umbrellas . Helen told us that she would give us 2 hours to climb up to the highest tower and back . So , we started off … getting to the first landing wasn 't too bad . It was a little tough on Michael with the extra 40 pounds on his back , but we stopped at the first landing and took some pictures . From there it was pretty much straight up and none of the steps were the same height . We got about 1 / 3 of the way up the next secposted at I 'm a thirty something mom of a beautiful daughter , a handsome son , and married to the love of my life . We 're excited to finally be a family of four ! We just moved into a bigger house that is great , but needs our tender loving care . We 'll take our time making necessary changes to make it a wonderful home for our kids to grow up in . |
Curt and Greg have been best friends since they met in grammar school and through high school , and now in college . Christmas break is coming up , and they are planning to camp out on Mt . Diablo and hike one of their favorite trails . But Mother Nature has a surprise in store for them , a surprise that will change both of their lives . " No , I 'm going to class , as usual , which is what you should be doing ! Where are you ? Don 't you have AmLit now ? " " About 15 feet in back of you . " I heard raucous laughter both in my cell and , only a little less loud , in back of me . I stopped , shut off my cell , put it back in my pocket , and turned around . By then Greg had just about caught up with me . Greg grinned . " I know , I know . But I only do it to make you laugh . I gotta make sure ya lighten up that dour disposition . " He grinned at me , then put his right hand on my left shoulder . " Now , kiddo , what are we going to do starting next week ? We have three weeks off ! Three ! Whole ! Freaking ! Weeks ! Off ! I am SO ready ! " " Well , I 'm ready for some time off too . I was thinking , how about getting a start by going for a hike on Mt . Diablo this weekend ? Man , we haven 't done that for , what , over four months ? Then we could drive up to Mendocino and visit your aunt for a few days . If we 're lucky , it 'll be stormy and windy and we can take walks with her along be beach like we did when we were in high school . And then on the way back we can drive up to Tahoe and get in some skiing and boarding , and then … . " Greg interrupted me in his typical loud , rapid - fire staccato way of speaking . " Whoa , there ! Let 's play it cool an ' just figure out howta plan those things . What you said so far is a lot to do , too much even . Don 't forget there 's Christmas and New Years and all the family stuff we each gotta do and shopping and visiting relatives . Yeah , too much ! " " OK , I guess you 're right . And we 'll have studying to do as well , you know . Finals are coming up the week after we get back . " " Jeez , you sure know how to screw up my good mood , don ' cha ? " He grinned . " OK , all this jawing has been fun , fun , fun ! But I do have AmLit and I gotta keep up my grades so Dad doesn 't make me join the Marines or some sort of crap like that . Let 's get together after class , grab some coffee , and do our plannin ' , OK ? " " Ya got it ! Later , Curt . " With that Greg turned and took the stairs leading up toward the library three at a time , scattering people who were trying to walk down . Grinning , I shook my head , and walked to my class . " Go for it , bro ! " He held up his paper cup , the large size . " They 've this eggnog thing and it 's awesome ! " I went inside and got an eggnog latté , then walked outside and plopped down on the bench next to Greg . " OK , let 's figure out what we 're going to do on break . Are you still OK with a hike on Mt . Diablo this weekend ? " " Yeah , I wanna get out and breathe some clean air . Sitting in stuffy classrooms all day sucks big time . What 's the weather gonna be ? " " I don 't know . I 'll check it when I get home . Hey , wouldn 't it be cool if it snowed ? Remember when we were there in March and it snowed and we spent the day having snowball fights ? " I smiled as I thought about the fun we 'd had that day . We sat finishing our lattés , enjoying the sun as it began to slide behind the hills west of us , making it look like late evening even though it was just 4 : 30 . I looked up at the sky and saw there were clouds moving in from the north . It might not be clear for our hike this weekend after all . I looked down the street . A movie must have just ended and there was a crowd coming out of the theater . I saw Jen and Cindi walking out , talking to each other . " Once . Just once . That was just fine . But she wants something more than just dating , and I 'm not interested in her that way . Let 's roll , bro , let 's get outta here before they see us . " I looked at Greg . He had a pained expression , and didn 't look happy at all . I was surprised . I 'd thought he liked Cindi . She was a nice enough girl , sort of bubbly , always happy , the kind of girl that I thought Greg would go for . But he only dated her once then stopped seeing her ? That was unusual for Greg . Normally he 'd go out with a girl at least two or three time before dumping her . He 'd probably dated half the girls in our class by the time we 'd graduated from high school . He was a real ladies man , and I guess he figured the next girl was always better . Now Jen was something different . I went out with Jen when I needed a date for the tenth grade Spring Fling dance . It was my first date ever , and when I asked her she told me that she wasn 't interested in a serious relationship , she was concentrating on her studies and her straight - A average , that she liked me as a friend , and if that was OK with me then she 'd like to go with me . That worked perfectly for me . No one knew it , but I 'm not into girls . I was and still am attracted to guys . Going out with Jen helped me maintain my straight persona , something that made my life easier . Jen was cute , was fun , liked a lot of the same things I liked , and was , for a gay guy , the greatest girlfriend anyone could imagine . I thought back to our Junior Prom . I 'd taken Jen to Mel 's Diner after the dance , and she told me that she knew that I was gay , and that was fine with her . I was stunned , I was certain that I hadn 't said or done anything to even hint that I was gay . I asked her how she could possibly have come to that conclusion . She 'd smiled and said that when I was with Greg she saw the way I looked at him . She 'd said it was obvious that I was in love with him . I 'd told her that she was confused , that Greg was my best friend and only my best friend . She 'd said she was certain even if I wasn 't . She 'd changed the subject , but I 'd been rattled . She 'd made me think about things I 'd suppressed so deeply that I 'd never admitted them to myself . That conversation had caused me to finally accept that I was , in fact , in love with Greg . Something I hoped he 'd never find out . My trip down memory lane was interrupted when Jen and Cindi walked up and said " Hi , guys . " They sat down , Cindi started a conversation with Greg , and I turned to Jen . She had moved to the campus and started taking classes at Cal the week after we graduated from high school , and I hadn 't seen her since then . " Both good and bad . Living in frosh housing sucks , the building I 'm in is old and drafty , our room sort of smells like it 's moldy . My roommate isn 't into studying , she has friends there all the time , so to study I have to go to the dorm lounge or the library . My classes are intense , but I 'm really enjoying being there . It was sort of frightening at first , the school 's so huge . There are so many students ! But I 've adapted , and things are good . How about you ? Where did you finally decide to go ? " " Well , you know I applied to Cal and got accepted , but money 's been tight since my dad 's accident . I talked to the computer science counselor at Cal and he said because of my grades and my SAT scores I could to go to a community college for my freshman year , reapply to Cal for my sophomore year , and I should be accepted . That 's assuming I get top grades here at DVC . So , that 's what I decided to do . That way I 'm saving a ton of money by not having to live in a freshman dorm , and I 'll be able to save by commuting next year . My folks tried to talk me out of it , but I convinced them it was best . I put in my new application to Cal last month and I 'm waiting for that letter in the mail . " Jen smiled , and put her hand on my arm . " Good luck , Curt . I know everything will work out for you . You 're a smart guy , the smartest I know . " I blushed , and Jen giggled . " And when you get to Cal , I want you to be sure to look me up ! Here , let me give you my cell phone number and new email address . " Jen wrote down her information and handed it to me . " Let me know about your application , OK ? I 'd really like to keep in touch , Curt . " I smiled , and realized again what a great friend she was . " I will , Jen . Thanks . " We talked for a few minutes about what we 'd be doing on our Christmas breaks , then I turned to Greg and Cindi . From what I 'd sort of overheard in the background , Cindi had been doing most of the talking and Greg was mostly giving one or two word answers . Normally Greg dominates a conversation , but it was obvious to me that he was letting Cindi take that role . He must have felt me turn , because he looked over his shoulder at me , then at his watch . " Oh , jeez , it 's almost 5 : 00 . If I don 't go like right now I 'm gonna be late picking up my little brother at his soccer practice . " He stood up . " Hey , Cindi , it 's been super seeing you . You too , Jen . See you at school mañana , Curt . " He took off like he was trying to escape from something . I looked at Cindi , and she looked a little sad . I knew from what , or more correctly from whom , Greg was trying to escape . I looked at Jen and Cindi . " Hey , I have a ton of homework tonight . Seems like the instructors are having us get everything in by tomorrow . That 's the last day of school before our break , then we have finals the week we get back . " That night I sat with my folks watching the news . When the weather guy came on I paid special attention . This was a big storm that was coming down from Alaska . It was supposed to pass north of us then move into the Sierras . He said the Bay Area might get a few sprinkles on Saturday afternoon , and it was going to be cold at night , around freezing . The storm was expected to leave as much as six to twelve inches of snow at the Tahoe ski areas , then move out on Tuesday . I phoned Greg and relayed the weather report . " Sounds like we 're going to be A - OK for the weekend , guy ! My folks said I could take the minivan . I can fold the rear seats flat and store everything we need to take and it 'll be easy to get at . " " I like Juniper best . I went online when I got home this afternoon and made a reservation . We probably won 't need it , but it 's best to be prepared , like a Boy Scout . That OK with you ? " " What ? I think I 'd make a very good Boy Scout ! I know things like how to make a fire , and set up a tent , and recognize poison oak . " " Yeah , yeah , stop bugging me about school . Tomorrow 's the last day of school before Christmas break . I don 't need another mother tellin ' me what to do ! I 've already got one , and one 's enough ! " Greg started laughing , and that got me laughing too . " It 's because you love me . I 'm just a loveable kind of guy . With all my faults I 'm still the most lovable guy in the whole freakin ' Bay Area . No one can resist me . ' Specially not you . " Again , he started laughing . What he said startled me , and made me wonder if he knew how I felt about him , and was hinting to me that he did . I recovered my composure and was able to reply . " Well , I won 't love you if I 'm still half asleep when the alarm goes off in the morning . I have an 8 : 00 class so I have to be up with the roosters at 6 : 30 . I need my beauty sleep , bro ! " " Curt , I know you 're tired as hell ' cuz you sure as hell wouldn 't leave me openings like that if you were even half awake . Get your skinny ass in bed and give your swollen brain a rest . I 'll see ya in the cafeteria round nine and we can hang until our ten o ' clock classes . S ' OK ? " I laughed . Greg did make me laugh , every time we talked . " OK , mommy , I 'll go to bed now . I promise . Night , Greg . See you tomorrow . " I was tired , but remembering what Jen had told me after the junior prom , and some of the comments that Greg had made , I started thinking about me and Greg . We were basically inseparable . We did everything together . We were best friends . I wasn 't close friends with any other guys , just Greg . As far as I knew Greg wasn 't close friends with any other guys either . Did that mean anything ? I went on some dates with Jen while I was in high school , and only Jen . I hadn 't gone out on a date since our senior prom . Greg went on dates with lots of girls all the time in high school . Greg hadn 't gone on a date since we graduated . Did that mean anything ? I was gay . I was in love with Greg . I thought about that for a while . Jen had told me she could tell that I was in love with Greg . She hadn 't said anything about Greg being in love with me . Shit ! I was going to have to be really careful to not telegraph my feelings to him ! But what about Greg ? For sure he was straight and into girls . But every so often he 'd say things that made me wonder about him . So , could Greg be gay ? I didn 't think so . He was just my best friend . And that 's how I wanted to keep it . I might lose him if he found out I was gay . After my Friday morning differential equations class ( note : that is an awful class to have at 8 : 00 in the morning ) , I met Greg at the cafeteria . He was nursing a cup of coffee , something I wouldn 't do . The coffee in the cafeteria was , in my opinion , undrinkable . We talked about what to bring with us for the hike . But the most important thing we talked about was where we should hike . We decided that since we were staying at the Juniper campground , we should take the Eagle Peak trail . The trailhead is at Juniper , and it 's a nice half - day hike , about 7 miles , and it 's rated moderate . Since we hadn 't been on a hike since summer , it would be a good way to get back our hiking legs . On Sunday we could take a longer hike , maybe the Mitchell Canyon Loop . It 's 14 miles , a lot of elevation gain , has some spectacular views , and is rated as the best trail in the park . It 's a strenuous hike , but there are enough places where we could branch off and shorten the hike if we got tired . We 'd hiked both trails when we were in high school . In fact , we 'd probably hiked every foot of every trail in the entire park since we started going to Mt . Diablo with my dad when we were in intermediate school . After I finished for the day I went home and pulled out the gear for the weekend . I have a great lightweight , easy to set up two - man tent , and an air mattress that fits the base of the tent like it had been made for it . I pulled out my two sleeping bags that are rated for 20 degrees . They can be zipped together to make one bag , a feature I 'd only used in my fantasies about me and Greg , one that began to play out in my head . It made me feel a little strange . I knew that I shouldn 't think about Greg that way . He 's my best friend , not my boyfriend , for God 's sake ! I shook my head to clear away the fantasy , and got back to my packing . I raided the kitchen for food , and picked six frozen burger patties , a package of hot dogs , bread , fruit , drinks , and a bunch of other stuff - it was a slash - and - grab operation . I made six peanut butter sandwiches and split them between a couple of plastic bags . All of the food went back into the refrigerator . My clock radio woke me at 6 : 30 Saturday morning . I felt great , wide awake , not tired at all . I showered and dressed in a heavy shirt and pants for cold weather hiking , put on my hiking boots , and packed a couple extra T - shirts and briefs and socks . I checked my cell and camera to make sure they were fully charged and put them in my daypack . I got the food and icepacks and stocked the cooler chest , then packed everything into the van . When I was finished it looked like Greg and I were going to be gone for two months instead of two days . But that 's one of the advantages of camping at a drive - to campsite . You can over - pack and you don 't have to carry everything like you would on a backpacking trip . " Morning , Curt . What can I get you for breakfast ? You need a good breakfast if you 're going hiking , not just a banana and piece of toast like you usually eat . " Mom is always concerned about what I eat . She thinks I don 't eat enough . I looked at my dad 's plate . While Mom got my breakfast ready , Dad and I talked about my hike . He asked if I 'd checked the latest weather report , and I admitted I hadn 't , so I ran upstairs to my room and did a quick check on weather . com . The forecast for the Bay Area had changed a little . Instead of the rain being no further south than Santa Rosa , now the forecast was for rain as far south as Fairfield , less than 25 miles from Mt . Diablo . The reports from up north about the storm said that it was a lot colder and wetter than had been previously predicted , and now they were projecting two feet of snow at Tahoe . The ski resort owners had to be dancing in the streets anticipating a heavy crowd of skiers over the next couple of weeks . " Well , I don 't think we have anything to worry about , it 's not supposed to rain this far south , the worst would probably be a few sprinkles . I have my waterproof jacket and my poncho , so I 'll be fine . If it rains too heavily we 'll come home . And we 're only an hour from home , it 's not like we 're going backpacking in the Sierras or something . " That seemed to calm their concerns , and I finished my breakfast . Mom tried to get me to eat more , but I begged off . I was already stuffed . I put my dishes in the dishwasher and was ready to leave . Dad didn 't look very happy . " Your mother is dragging me to the mall . To do Christmas shopping . " I laughed , and so did he , then Mom did too . My dad absolutely hates shopping for anything except groceries . That , for some reason , he likes to do . " Mom , you keep the last of the big spenders here under control , OK ? " That started us all laughing again . Ever since Dad was injured we 've been real frugal , not spending a lot on stuff we don 't need . " OK , let 's split this joint ! " Greg grabbed his daypack which was next to the front door , grinned and yelled " See you tomorrow ! " , and we were off for the short drive up North Gate Road to the ranger station . We got there by 9 : 40 , checked in and got our campsite tag and information packet , and drove to Juniper campground . We located our campsite , and weren 't too surprised to see that none of the others were occupied . Greg stood watching all this . " Jeez , Curt , this thing 's got so much security shit I wonder if we 'll be able to get in when we get back ! " He grinned . " Like my dad says , ' Better safe than sorry ' . Since there 's no one else around , it 'd be easy for someone to break in and steal the van . And our stuff . Right ? " I pulled out my cell , turned it on , and pressed the speed dial number for home . I left a message saying we 'd arrived and we were heading out on our hike , then put the cell in my jacket pocket and zipped it closed . " Ready to go ? " " Oh , you are SO going to get it for that remark ! " Greg grabbed me in a hug and tried to tickle me . I am like totally ticklish , under my arms , my sides , my belly , and the bottoms of my feet . But I had on my big Timberland jacket , and he couldn 't get to any part of me that was ticklish . He finally gave up . " You 're safe for now , Curt . But just wait until tonight , you 're in total freakin ' trouble ! I 'm gonna tickle you ' til you can 't breathe , then I 'm gonna tickle you some more ' til you beg me to stop ! " And that 's what we did . We headed down Eagle Peak Trail . Despite the clouds , the views were fantastic . We saw a black - tailed deer , a buck , across a valley . There were live oaks and pines . Live oaks have two acorn crops , and the squirrels and some of the birds on the mountain depend on them to get through the winter . The ground cover was all dry , and this time of year nothing was in bloom . We could hear birds or small animals scrabbling around in the underbrush , but we never saw them . I took some pictures , mostly of the views and a couple of the buck . We chatted about the views , the birds and animals we saw , the trees , the trail , school , our classes , my digital camera , what kind of digital camera Greg should buy , and about going to Tahoe to ski and snowboard . But we didn 't talk about anything personal , and for me that was a relief . " Great idea ! Why don 't we sit on that log over there ? " Greg pointed to a small stand of trees a little further down the trail . One of the trees had fallen , and looked to be pretty much flat and level , making it a good place to sit . " You ought to tell her , and use one of your patented puppy dog expressions . She 'll for sure give you a jar to take home . " I grinned . " No shit ? You think she 'd really do that ? " I nodded . " Let 's stop by your house on the way home tomorrow , OK ? I can tell her how great it is then . That way I 'll have it for breakfast Monday morning ! " I laughed at his enthusiasm . I looked at him , right into his ocean - blue eyes . " You are amazing , Greg . You make me smile and laugh , you make me happy , guy ! I am so glad you 're my best friend ! " His eyes sparkled , and he smiled . At me . " God , Curt , you 're such a great friend . I 'm so freakin ' lucky ! " He reached over and grabbed my shoulder and looked at me and I looked at him . Then his gaze moved up and his expression changed . " Shit , Curt , look at the sky ! " I turned around . The sky was filled with thick , black clouds . And they were moving in our direction , fast , from the north . The wind was increasing , a very cold wind . " It took us about 3 hours to get here , but we were taking it easy . We should be able to get back in a couple of hours . Trouble is , it looks like it 's raining in that direction , you can see it under the clouds . " We headed up the trail , back in the direction we 'd come . We 'd hiked maybe a half hour when the first rain began to fall . It wasn 't heavy , but it was that miserable kind of light rain that blows directly into your face . Fortunately , it only lasted about 5 minutes before it stopped . The respite lasted about 15 minutes then a heavier rain began to fall . And it got even heavier as we continued to hike up the trail . It was also getting a lot colder , I could tell because my nose was starting to run , it only does that when I get cold . We hiked for about 45 minutes in a driving rain . By now my pants were soaked , and the rain on my face was running down my neck getting my shirt and T - shirt wet . I was miserable , and I was sure Greg was also . We couldn 't talk , the hoods on our jackets and our ponchos prevented us from hearing each other unless we stopped and yelled face - to - face , and the last thing I wanted to do was stop . But I was getting tired , and felt like I needed to rest . I looked up the trail . There was a grove of trees off to our left . It looked like it might be a bit dryer inside the grove , so I turned to Greg and pointed in that direction . He nodded , and we headed for the trees . The trees were grouped in a way that they kept most of the rain out of the center of the grove . I sat down and leaned against one of the trees . Greg squatted for a minute , then sat facing me . What a great thing for him to say ! It made me realize how much I loved this guy . I smiled , a smile meant for him . It was a good thing my face was so wet , and that we were far enough apart that he couldn 't see my eyes , because tears started running down my cheeks . " There 's no one in the universe I 'd rather be with in this kind of weather . Or any kind of weather , Greg . " I almost added ' and I love you ' but caution and fear kept me from doing that . Greg smiled , and took a long drink of water . We rested for about 5 minutes more , not saying anything . " Hey , I 'm going to call my folks . " I pulled my cell out of my pocket and pressed the redial button . The phone beeped . " It couldn 't connect from here . When we get back to the campground I 'll call them and give them an update . " We left our shelter . It was still raining , but not as hard . There had been enough rain that the trail was slippery in places . Fortunately , we 'd already covered most of the steepest parts of the trail . I figured it would take at least an hour , maybe an hour and a half , to get back to the campground . We hiked , watching our every step , and after a half hour the rain stopped . I turned to make sure Greg was right behind me , and my foot slipped in the mud . Greg was close and grabbed me around my waist , and if he hadn 't I would have fallen and landed on my butt . What did he mean by that ? I shook my head to clear my thoughts . I was sure that I was taking innocent things Greg said and assigning them meanings that were figments of my overactive imagination , but I couldn 't help but wonder just a little , what if he really meant them ? About 15 minutes later I heard Greg shout . I stopped and carefully turned to see why . He was looking to our right , and pointed up the hill next to the trail . It was hailing up there ! It looked so cool , the hail was coming down and making the entire top of the hill white . I was right . We could see that the line that marked the edge of the hailstorm was moving slowly in our direction . We started hiking along the trail , moving as fast as we could , trying to get past the hailstorm . We almost made it , but it caught up with us . Like most hailstorms it ended in a few minutes . Unfortunately , we were at a point where we had to hike an upslope , and the trail ahead was covered with hail . That 's ice , for anyone who 's never been in a hailstorm . Ice is slippery , especially hail because it 's round like ball bearings . Our progress up the trail was torturous . We kept slipping , but because we were being careful neither of us fell . It took maybe five times as long to hike up that slope as it would have if it hadn 't been covered by hailstones . " When do the swarms of locusts descend on us , guy ? " I busted up laughing . This was too much . Snow ! That 's all we needed now . Greg looked at me like I was crazy . " Uh , Curt , we better get our butts moving . Snow is like hail . It 's ice . It 's slippery . Let 's get goin ' ! " I looked around and recognized some of the landmarks . I figured that we were about a half hour to 45 minutes from the campground . I also noticed that it had gotten even colder , the snow was wet , and the snowfall was heavier . We got moving , carefully , watching where we stepped . As we hiked up the trail we were walking through about three inches of accumulated snow . Amazing ! Mt . Diablo usually gets less than an inch . This might be a record snowfall ! After about 40 minutes I recognized the upslope we were on as the one that led directly up to the campground . In 10 minutes we were at the top and back at Juniper . I stopped . I couldn 't believe my eyes . There was at least six inches of snow on the ground . I looked to my left and saw that the road into the campground was also covered with a thick blanket of snow . This side of the mountain had gotten a lot more snow than where we had been hiking . We were very , very lucky . We got to the car , and Greg looked at me . " I don 't think we should put up the tent . Maybe we should get out of here and head home . " " What ! What ? " Greg came around to the back of the van wondering why I 'd yelled ' shit ' because I almost never swear . I pointed to the right rear tire . It was flat as a pancake . We must have picked up a nail . We were parked at the bottom of a downward slope that was fine when we arrived , but now was a big mud puddle . There was no way we 'd be able to change the tire where it was . I stepped on the gas , very lightly . The front wheels spun , but the van wouldn 't move . Damn ! For about 5 minutes I tried to get the van to move ahead by rocking it . It flat out didn 't work . We were stuck . " First , I 'm gonna turn on the heater in the van . That will help us warm up and dry off . Second , I 'm going to phone my folks and tell them where we are and that we 're stuck here until they can get the auto club out here to tow the car to where they can change the tire . Third , we have to eat something , and fourth I guess we 'll just wait out the storm . I agree it wouldn 't make any sense to set up the tent . We can lay out the sleeping bags in the back of the van . " We got into the front seats . The engine had been running long enough that the heater should work , so I turned the heat and fan controls all the way to high . I pulled out my cell and hit redial . My dad answered . I told him what happened , what we were going to do , and that we needed the auto club to come up and tow us to a flat area where they could change the tire . I could tell that he was a little worried . He said he 'd call the auto club , and Greg 's folks . I said we were going to change into dry clothes , that we were soaked from walking in the rain , and we 'd cook the burgers and stay in the van . He suggested that we zip the sleeping blankets together to help keep us warm . I said goodbye , and told Greg what he 'd said . I reached back and grabbed my bag of clothes . Damn , I should have packed another shirt and pair of pants ! Mine were soaked from the rain . I sat there looking at my collection of underwear and socks . That 's all I had that was dry . " I 'm so stupid sometimes . I didn 't bring any extra pants or shirts . All I have is underwear . " I turned to Greg . " What do you have ? You have maybe two extra pairs of pants , I hope , I hope ? " Actually , I had very little hope he 'd have brought two extra pairs . " Let 's move over to the shelter . I 'll fry up the burgers and we can eat . Afterward we 'll get out of our wet stuff and get into the sleeping bag . " The shelter at the campground had a roof . We took our food and the camp stove over there , and I fried the burgers and cooked some veggies and we had what was actually a pretty good dinner . All the while it continued to snow . We cleaned up , using snow to wash out the frying pan , and packed the food that we hadn 't eaten into the cooler . We moved the tent to the shelter to get it out of the way . I opened the van 's side door and unrolled the sleeping bags on top of the air mattress . It was a hassle , but we got them zippered together . " Curt , I have bad news for you . Both entrance roads to the park are closed because of the weather . The auto club can 't get to you until the road reopens sometime tomorrow . They suggested that I call the ranger station , and I did but there 's no answer . Are you OK ? Are you and Greg going to be OK until tomorrow ? " " Yeah , it 's not great , but there 's a shelter where we fried the burgers for dinner , and we 've got lots of food and drinks , and the restrooms are open . While we ate I kept the engine running with the heater on and it should be warm in the van . We 'll be fine . " " Well , you 're mother 's very worried . I 've told her you two guys are resourceful , and smart , and that you 'll be OK . It 's good to hear you tell me that you 'll be OK . " Getting undressed was a challenge . I opened the side door , we climbed in , and I pushed the door close button and the side door slid shut , then I cracked open the side windows about a quarter - inch so we 'd have some fresh air . " Greg , I think we 're going to have to do this one at a time . " I took off my jacket , poncho , shirt , and T - shirt . I took off my boots and pulled my pants and briefs off , reached down and pulled off my socks . I used the towel to dry myself , and pulled on both of my dry briefs , T - shirts , and socks . I climbed into my side of our dual sleeping bags . He blushed , and that surprised me . He repeated the technique I 'd used , and when he pulled off his boxers I saw why he 'd blushed . He was hard ! I turned away so he 'd think I hadn 't seen him . I was confused . Why was he hard ? Was it because he 'd watched me get naked ? Probably not . I mean , I get hard sometimes when there 's nothing to arouse me , so that was probably what it was with Greg . While I was thinking about this , Greg finished changing and climbed into his side of the sleeping bag . I reached between the front seats and turned the ignition off . I sat up and grabbed the top zipper and pulled it up closing the two of us into the sleeping bag . I rolled onto my right side . " Roll this way . Let 's hug . That way our body heat will keep us warm , and the sleeping bag will keep it inside . We should be warm all night . " He seemed to be reluctant , so I reached across and put my hand on his right shoulder and gently pulled . " Come on , roll onto your left side . " I felt him let out a sigh , and he rolled toward me . I grabbed him in a hug , and he put his arms around me . I moved around until our bodies were in contact form our shoulders to our feet . That 's when I realized that Greg was still hard and knew why he hadn 't wanted to hug . He interrupted me . " STOP ! I CAN love you that way ! I DO love you that way ! Oh , God , Curt , I love you so much I can 't even freakin ' think of anything other than you sometimes ! " He hugged me harder , and pulled me closer . It felt so good . There was enough light to let me see his eyes and his lips . I pulled him into a kiss . It was a soft kiss , just lips , and I kept looking into his eyes . I heard him sob and saw his tears . I pulled back from our kiss . " Why are you crying , Greg ? " " I 've never been so happy in my whole freakin ' life . I 'm crying because I 'm happy . You love me ? For how long ? " " Why didn 't you say anything to me ? Why didn 't I say anything to you ? We 're so freakin ' stupid , Curt ! " I put my palms on his cheeks , and with my thumbs I wiped away his tears . " You went out with , like , almost all the girls in our class . I always thought you were straight . That 's why I never said anything to you . " " Curt , I never had sex with any of those girls . I 've never had sex with anyone . Ever . " I could see him grin while tears ran down his cheeks . " I 've been saving myself for you ! But you and Jen were so tight , you were going steady . " " Jen and I weren 't going steady . She was my safety date ! That way no one would ever ask why I didn 't have a girlfriend , or figure out that I was gay . I haven 't had sex with anyone either . Let me ask you a question , Greg . Why didn 't you ever give me a hint , or ever ask me if I was gay , if you 're gay ? " " Curt , I 'm not gay . I just happen to love a guy . YOU ! What the shit 's ' gay ' about that ? There 's nothing ' gay ' about that . I 've never been interested in any other guys . I don 't look at other guys and want to jump their bones . When I hear ' gay ' I think of every freakin ' stereotype about gays I 've ever heard or seen . That 's not me . I think I 'm normal . It sure is normal for me ! But that doesn 't answer your question . If I 'd told you I loved you , and you 'd freaked and walked away from me and wouldn 't be my best friend any more , I would have died inside . Really . I don 't think I could live without you . I 've been thinking about what 'll happen when you go to Cal next year and I won 't see you every day . I decided that I 'd tell you this weekend . Tell you that I love you . I already tried , a bunch of times , but I chickened out , every time . I 've never been so nervous and worried in my life . Couldn 't you tell ? " " You said a few things that made me wonder . " I looked at him and smiled . Oh , God , was I happy ! I moved my lips to his and kissed him . And he kissed me back . I reached under his T - shirt and began rubbing his back . Greg moaned , and began rubbing the back of my neck . I was hard as a rock , and uncomfortably confined in my briefs . I could feel Greg hard and hot against me , not as tightly confined because he was wearing boxers . I nibbled on his earlobe and whispered , " I 'm so glad you 've been saving yourself for me ! Let 's get undressed . I want to feel your body , all of your body , against mine . " I heard Greg giggle as he lifted his butt up and I felt him pulling his boxers down , then kicking them off . While he struggled to get his T - shirts off , I pulled off my briefs and worked them down my legs and off , then almost ripped one of my T - shirts in my haste to get them off , and we left it all in the sleeping bag . I pulled Greg into a hug . It felt so much better , lying next to him , the two of us hugging each other , our bodies naked , feeling his heartbeat as his chest pressed against me , his erection pressing against mine . We kissed again , then again and again . I felt Greg 's tongue rub against my lips , and I opened my mouth and let it explore mine . These were things I 'd never done before , with anyone . And I was doing it with Greg . Talk about my fantasies coming true ! I could feel tears well up , tears of happiness . I began exploring his body with my hands as we kissed . He felt so wonderful . So amazing . So right ! In the waning light I could just see Greg 's eyes sparkle . " I feel so fantastic ! I love you Greg , I love you , I love you , I love you ! " We spent the next half hour or so kissing and touching and nibbling and exploring . Especially exploring . As we explored each other we generated enough heat to warm us and the sleeping bag . Finally the exhaustion of the day caught up with us , and we held each other and fell asleep , in each others ' arms . You ever wake up and not know where you are ? You know you 're not in your bed , but you don 't know what bed it is you 're in . You feel … I don 't know … disoriented . That 's the word . That 's how I felt . Disoriented . I didn 't know where I was or why . What I did know is that I was still tired , that I wanted to go back to sleep , and that my face was cold . I opened my eyes . Well , one of them , sort of . Then I opened my other eye . Now both eyes were at least partially open . I couldn 't really see any details because it was dark . I had an impression that the ceiling was low , like I was in the top of a bunk bed . As my eyes and brain began to function better , I was able to make out some shapes . It looked like there was a window at the far end of the bed . It also seemed like it was getting light , there was a dull glow . I tried to move . Something was holding me down . I felt around with my left hand to find out what was holding me down . It was an arm , a warm arm . My brain woke up and I suddenly remembered where I was . And whose arms I was sleeping in . Greg 's ! I stretched as well as I could in my cramped position . I was sore from lying in the sleeping bag . The window I 'd seen was in the liftgate , and it was covered by snow . There was more light behind the snow ; the sun was rising . While my body was warm inside the sleeping bag , my face was cold . It was probably time to get up and get dressed and see what was going on . " Hi , lover , yourself . We better get some clothes on in case a ranger comes around . " Greg 's stomach growled , and I laughed . " And we have to get something to fill that bottomless pit of yours ! " " It might be bottomless , but you filled it pretty well last night ! " He grinned , a nasty grin , then laughed . It was infectious , and as I remembered last night I started laughing too . Then my stomach growled . " As long as there 's somethin ' hot , I 'm for it . " Greg stepped out of the van and put on his jacket . " Oh , man , Curt , this is so beautiful ! " I got out and stood next to him . It had stopped snowing . The ground was covered by snow , about nine inches , and the trees had enough snow on them to make it look like a scene on a Christmas card . I put my arm around Greg 's shoulders and pulled him close to me . Both of our stomachs growled , simultaneously , and we busted up laughing . I started the engine so the car would warm up inside , and we went back to the shelter to fix breakfast . Hot dogs . Not my numero uno choice for breakfast , but they 'd be hot and easy to eat and delicious . We cleaned up , packed everything , and put the tent and cooler back into the van . I brushed the snow off the windshield and back windows , and we got in and sat in the warmth from the heater . My pants were drying out , and I wasn 't as cold as I 'd been . I was startled by a knock on the window next to me . It was a park ranger ! I rolled the window down , and he wanted to know why we were here when the park was closed . I told him what happened , that we 'd arrived on Saturday before the storm hit , and we had a flat and couldn 't get the van to move to where we could change the tire . He seemed skeptical about our being there , but I pulled out our campsite tag and that seemed to satisfy him . He hooked a chain from his Jeep to our van and pulled the van up onto the campground road , and the three of us worked together to change the tire . When we finished , we thanked him for his help . He told us that we could follow him out of the campground , that he had a plow blade on the front of his Jeep , and that he 'd clear a path for us . Then he looked at us , grinned , and told us that if I ran into the back of his Jeep " your ass will be grass . " We all busted out laughing . While I drove , very carefully following the ranger 's Jeep , Greg phoned my folks and told them that we were on our way home and to cancel the call to the auto club , then called his folks . It turned out that North Gate Road was clear below the ranger station . We stopped to thank the ranger again , then drove to my house . We told our story , and showed my folks the pictures we 'd taken . They were relieved that we were OK , especially my mom . I took her aside and asked if she 'd give Greg a jar of her peach preserves , and she gave him two jars . I think he smiled for about ten minutes , holding on to those jars like they were the most precious things in the world . I drove Greg to his house , and we retold our story . Greg 's dad told us that he 'd heard on the radio that it had been the biggest snowfall on Mt . Diablo in modern times , ten inches of snow near the summit . They were calling it a blizzard . We showed them the pictures we 'd taken , and they were amazed at the amount of snow . Greg 's brother Keith wanted to know if our story would be in the newspaper , and Greg and I both said " NO ! " simultaneously , which greatly disappointed Keith and made everyone else laugh . Greg and I went on a hiking trip on the first Saturday of Christmas break . Stuck in a campground on Mt . Diablo in a record snowstorm that some called a blizzard , we became boyfriends that day . That was the best Christmas present ever for each of us . We 're still together today , still in love . But that 's another story for another time . If you enjoyed reading this story , please let me know ! Authors thrive by the feedback they receive from readers . It 's easy : just click on the email link at the bottom of this page to send me a message . Say " Hi " and tell me what you think about Christmas Break . Thanks . This story and the included images are Copyright © 2006 - 2009 by Colin Kelly ( colinian ) . They cannot be reproduced without express written consent . Codey 's World web site has written permission to publish this story . No other rights are granted . Disclaimer : All publicly recognizable characters , settings , etc . are the property of their respective owners . The original characters and plot are the property of the author . The author is in no way associated with the owners , creators , or producers of any media franchise . No copyright infringement is intended . This story contains occasional references to consensual sex between young adults . If it were a movie , it would be rated PG13 ( in a more enlightened time it would be rated G ) . If reading this type of material is illegal where you live , or if you are too young to read this type of material based on the laws where you live , or if your parents don 't want you to read this type of material , or if you find this type of material morally or otherwise objectionable , or if you don 't want to be here , close your browser now . The author neither condones nor advocates the violation of any laws . If you want to be here , but aren 't supposed to be here , be careful and don 't get caught ! |
Go get too much sun , too much food , beer , cheap shit . Go out to the GO - GO bar and tell your wife you were just getting drunk . You won 't buy the girl , just have a crack making sexual comments at her . Oh hello Boss , come in my shop , special deal for you . Posted on March 31 , 2014 by uponarival I guess the village is about 200 people but I 'm not really sure . Most are farmers but the crops are varied ; red and white rice alternated every six months ( every crop ) , or cloves sold to cigarette companies , and coffee , they roast it here too . There is also a lot of cacao but there is a fruit fly problem killing more than half of the fruit on most of the trees . These are the major ones that I know of , but they also grow other spices like nutmeg , shallots seem common , today I saw zucchini , cauliflower , lettuce , green beans , chili and many different leafy greens , but I assume these are for local consumption not for export . For fruits I saw Pineapples , papayas , dragon fruits , avocados , bananas and coconuts . I 'm sure they grow much more but this is what I 've seen . It seems like they use most of what grows naturally , not just the very common banana leaf for a plate , which is great , but many leaves can be used to heal and roots , fruits , and flowers . They have learned through the generations what can and can 't be used . I think if you get cancer or some can 't be killed without radiation disease , this is the place to come to get better naturally , or at least to die in paradise . Despite their herbal cures and healthy variety of food , many still believe that if they get sick it is because of the spirits or bad karma . We went by a house and the girl inside was sick . Obviously I am no doctor and Ary , who I was with , was not either , but all the same Ary tried to comfort her and talked to her , she tried to find out the cause . It seemed like she needed to be asked what she had eaten or been exposed to , to follow a normal line of deductive reasoning that you would ask a child , but it was uncommon here , the girl wanted to see a spiritual healer . In the modern world I guess we are pickier eaters or don 't live directly off the land . There is a sort of village healer , and old woman about 60 , she has a big smile and seems chipper and in good health . She offered me snacks which I liked and remembered me when she saw me walk past her house in the woods . She would know what plants to use to heal different sicknesses and the old natural remedies forgotten in our modern world , not scientifically tested but tested through time and many generations . I would imagine that sometimes she probably heals with a placebo effect , her patients believing in her powers , but I also believe she would know secrets that science either doesn 't know yet or has forgotten . The village has two chiefs . One is from the government and the other is more related to the church or you could say tribal . The village by the way is basically all the people in the town . The church and the village seem to be one . It turns out I 'm staying at the village chiefs house . He seemed a powerful fella and Ary said he was a bit feared and respected , but I just thought he was a rich man , as he owns the restaurant where I stay , a guest house somewhere , a coffee plantation and a rice plantation . They are not huge but they bring in money for sure . Now that I know he is the chief I see he is a bit more than just a rich guy , I see that he holds himself as a man of wisdom and power . He is nice , friendly and incredibly relaxed , but I don 't know if he doesn 't speak English or just doesn 't say much to me . There are often people here talking to him and he always seems very important . His attitude fits his position . The positions of chief , both of them , change every 5 years . The government one is not so important here as things don 't go through the law as much . If there is a dispute they don 't usually go to the law and get witnesses , they go to the village chief and talk it out and a solution is decided upon . Every new or full moon there is a three day ceremony . Last night was the last night of the full moon ceremony , so he and the healer woman were up until 4 am . I don 't know what the ceremony consisted of but I assume it was like the one I attended the day before : music , praying , dancing and offerings to the gods , but it would be on a smaller scale . The ceremony that I witnessed was four villages combined and the day that most people go . Last night was a private church for this village alone , Munduk . You would probably need to be very dedicated or in need of some serious good luck to be out all night . The town has many guest houses to make money . It is a bit sad because it equals people coming in and taking pictures of their culture but having very little to do with it . It is also very expensive to tour here . As far as Bali goes there isn 't much culture left that has not been altered by the tourist trade . Today I walked through different farms in the town . I saw where they make fertilizer , and also a small garden next to it . There was a guy who lived there with a wasp tattooed on his forehead . He was a friend of Ary 's so we stopped and talked to him . He made us coffee and cut some cacao for me to eat . It is orange and oval shaped , gourd - like but not perfectly oval , it 's ribbed . The part you could eat was a white coating around the bean , kind of like pith around the beans , very sweet full flavored and a little citrusy and rich . It was really delicious until you bit into the incredibly bitter seed , or bean , which is what makes the chocolate . We met another guy who gave me some red rice seeds to plant at home . There are lots of workers in the village who go from crop to crop as harvesters . I guess the village chief pays more than others , he does 1 / 3 of profits for red rice which is normal , and 2 / 3 for white which I think is a bit high for here . The workers usually take product as pay rather than money . Our mission for the day was to go to his coffee plantation . We went past a sixty - or - so - foot waterfall that I had seen the day before , and met a woman and her son , and a dog named Bobo with his two very amusing puppies . They invited us in for bananas , coffee and to talk . We then met the husband and their younger daughter who was very cute . I watched the dogs and chickens mostly , as I had no idea what they were talking about in Bahasa , then Ary said it was time to go back to the house . We were at the coffee plantation and I didn 't even realize it . So the guy offered to take us into the property further to see more . I 'm sure this made Ary happy too , but I think she waits till things are offered , and isn 't pushy , so my innocent unawareness was a bit helpful . I didn 't see too many trees , because I don 't think it was a very big place . Maybe plantation just referred to the fact that there was a land owner and someone who worked the property and lived on it . It was on a many levels , built on the side of the steep hill just like the rice fields and everything else , in a stair step pattern . We past some workers who offered … more coffee . No thanks , if I had had the three cups offered so far , I would be so jittery , but I had declined them all because I drank one at the house already and caffeine hits me hard . The man showed us how he was splicing in a new strain from a different area . It was organic as was most everything here . He cut off a branch , then cut the stem diagonally about an inch , then the same to a small piece of new stem , connected them , cut sides touching , and finally wrapped them in a thin strip of plastic . Then he put a small bag over the top , though I 'm not sure why , maybe to keep in moisture , and make it humid . Another way he did it was to cut the new stem diagonally on the left and right of one side . Then he just cut a slit down the still growing stem and slid the new into the old , then again the plastic bandage and the bag over the top . The coffee tree starts to yield at about year three and is about 4 ft tall . Its branches grow wide and the new leaves are really shiny green or reddish green . Because of their shininess my first thought was it might be some versions of poison oak . You can only harvest the coffee beans once a year but it is still a profitable business and Indonesia produces tons of it . Why do you think we nicknamed coffee Java ? Then we walked back home . It 's a slow , quiet , peaceful walk with Ary . The forest around us is lush and green and dotted with colorful flowers . We pass houses and can look inside of them and see people now and then . And step over a steam now and again too . When we see people they are happy to see me , nod hello and continue on with what they are doing . Posted on March 1 , 2014 by uponarival I woke at 6 am . Yes I cannot believe it either but I did go to sleep around 10 the night before so I guess it 's not too surprising . I sat with Ary and two of her friends showed up , Galle and Hastate , I think were their names . The girl did research here and I 'm not sure about the guy , but he graciously said he could take me around Denpasar and help me find seeds to take home . They all , but mostly Ary told me about other local plants or fruits that have healing properties . She had had cancer and beat it , four operations she said but still beaten . I did not ask what kind of cancer but my first guess is cervix . They left and Ary and I took off . Down the road and then down another smaller turn off . It was basically a one lane road but bigger than the pathway of last night . She told me about different plants as we walked past them . There was a small stream and we walked along a path next to it . I don 't remember if it was a turn off or the road just became this . On either side of the stream were rice fields . It looked like there were places where you could stick a board in the stream , damming it , and it would flood your property . I was reminded of my old irrigation on the Clay St . property of my youth . At one of the rice fields we walked out into it . The fields here are special because they are stair - stepped one below another so that the water floods from one to the next . The fields are on the side of a mountain so this is kind of necessary . Each paddy is in a small section , maybe 10 by 30 meters , some smaller and probably some bigger . We went up to the owners little house in the middle of the property , I later learned they were just care takers , the land owner doesn 't do the work of farming . They watched us walk up with smiles on their faces . This has been my experience in most of South East Asia , no anger or suspicion at someone on their property , no idea of trespassing or claim of ownership . They don 't suspect you to steal something , or to ruin something that can 't be fixed . They didn 't speak English so I just said " Hallo " and Ary did all the talking . She wants to make records of the culture because most of Bali is now just for tourists . There is not going to be any of the old culture left soon . It will be a new culture , a salesman culture , not traditional or living off the land . They offered us a seat and food right away . I sat but didn 't know what they were talking about so I got up to take pictures . Their home is on the side of a large mountain . Most of the mountain is trees , except for the place cleared , what looks like a long time ago , and made into a livable , workable property . It is a small house and about 2 acres of rice . When you look across the valley to the mountain next , you see from a distance dense trees of dark green , then cut outs with bright green rice fields patched across the mountain side . You can see the many different levels of the fields too and there are patches of palm trees around the fields and a house , usually centered on the property The people 's house that I was at had a few papaya trees and some ponds right next to the house . In the ponds were hundreds of fish , and the furthest pond the fish were one foot to one and a half , and some orange coy , as the rest were thinner grey fish . The fish poop and fertilize the water . In the water they grow morning glory , and the water flows into the rice patties to fertilize them . I didn 't see much else growing so I guess they buy or trade for other vegetables . Along the front of the different rice paddies is a path to walk which is higher and holds in the water . There are ½ foot cut outs here to let it drain into the next pond . On the corners there are steps cut into the soil to go up to the next level , but not at every corner so it is a bit of a maze to get to where you want to go . This style horticulture , of stair stepping the paddies and letting the water run down from one to the next is special , and one of the cultural techniques that may be lost to them in the near future . I think you could stand for hours looking out across the mountains . The sky , this bright blue . The different greens of the mountains . I think it 's all alive , other than the rare house or a road if you can spot one , which is unlikely . It 's all alive . Even the people here are more alive . They talk . And they just sit . And they work . One of the older guys had lost many of the teeth , something that I have problems with . His fronts were ok but his backs were mostly gone , he just had one good pair that looked pretty weak and dying . I stared his two usable teeth for a while . He was probably 50 . And I imagine he will be out pulling rice and working hard in 3 days when the harvest comes . Like I said when we showed up , they were sitting . Resting . The oldest man - maybe 60 - started sharpening the blades of some scythes and the hoe . They were harvest yet and had no TV to watch or computer to waste their time on . Their house was a few rooms with no ceilings . They had a roof but basically there was no sound privacy and the bugs could do whatever they pleased . The house was concrete and cold . Not much on the walls . Not much color . Life is outside , the room is for sleep . Now I must say this is the rare case and these are old , poor people . Most people , especially kids have smart phones and want to be like the west . Processed foods are moving in and Facebook is king . But they still talk and laugh and have a good time in a close personal way , without alcohol most of the time . Ary finished talking with them . Took a picture of the woman and man . The woman looked away from the camera and tried to act natural and to laugh and be beautiful , but she was very self - conscious . I think the man was similar but I didn 't watch him while his picture was being taken . Then we left and made our way through the maze , climbing up from level to level . I had forgotten my notebook and they yelled for me . I would have been very sad if I had lost it , or had to go far back to get it . We got to the next property , very close by , and I sat and looked out at the valley and imagined a life here . So boring but so much more fulfilling . My heart and soul nourished , but maybe my brain bored , wanting videogames or something stupid like keep my brain active but my heart numb . I thought of marrying an Indonesian woman and having a farm . My mind jumped ahead to how much happier I would be when I died , though it would not be an easy life . The farmers I met did not own the property , there was someone else who had many places and they got about 50 % of the money earned from the harvest . Maybe I could be that guy . Or start an English school on the side . Or even have a hostel or farm - stay to bring in more money . And also … my mind went quiet . And I just sat . So quiet out there . So much to take in , but all of it simple . So peaceful . We walked back to the stream and saw a mother and her son collecting coconuts . We went to their shop and drank one . They had two dogs , a cat and some chickens . I think the family was a husband , wife , two sons and a daughter . The boys played football , the man talked with a friend and the wife cut open our coconut and did dishes . The little girl picked up a pole and walked down the mountain out of my view . When we left I asked how much and she said " up to you . " I was very confused as was Ary , but up to me . I gave her 10 , 000 , about one dollar . I guessed it would normally be 5 , 000 but she was nice and if up to me better to be generous that cheap I guess . I think she was smart and figured I 'd over pay this way , and she didn 't have the guilt of charging me more than normal . We walked back to the house . It had been about three hours . I wrote and was ready to sleep , but I didn 't think it was a good idea so I walked to a waterfall Ary had told me about . She told me the back way . I got lost for a second but then a little kid told me the way and then a woman with a baby whose dog wanted to eat me did the same . The waterfall was very nice . The way back was all uphill and my legs were very tired from 4 days of intense workout . I was actually getting overwhelmed by all the great things I had been seeing and experiencing . I think some of them had far less of an impact because I had been amazed so much already . So the waterfall was really special but I have few details recollect , it was just peaceful . Posted on February 28 , 2014 by uponarival Most of the village , the town is all considered related so they are one family , is Hindu . Ary , the lovely woman who decided to host me as a couch surfer , told me it is actually a mix of Hindu and Buddhism . Munduk is small and I had to take a motorbike here as there are no buses . It is a tourist spot , which surprised me , mostly French , but it 's not cheap , most people rent cars to bring them here , but I found a local motorbike taxi and paid him 4 dollars to drive me the 30 minutes up steep roads full of turns . I arrived around 2 PM still exhausted from being up all night at Ijen and from doing so much the previous two days . Ary had a nice room for me and I took a shower - cold but refreshing . Then we headed to the ceremony . We found what looked like a little driveway off the road but turned out to be a concrete path winding all the way down the side of the mountain ; past beautiful homes full of flowers and lush trees , all very close , a neighborhood connected by a long walkway . The path was thin , steep and winding , though motorbikes were coming it as well . As we went lower into the valley a thin mist began to form . At one point we passed by a beautiful Indonesian woman taking a bath and doing laundry in her concert tub on the side of the path . I did not want to be caught looking at her exposed breasts . I said hello and kind of kept my head down . She had great breast , hard due to the cold water , not to big , but dark and firm , and she was not shy about them in any way . Her and her friend had smirks on their faces and laughed , I think they joked about my embarrassment in Bahasa Indonesian . At the end of the path we were on another road , full of hundreds of people , cars and motorbikes , all pushing through trying to get to the ceremony . All of the people were dressed in saris of uncountable designs and colors . The women wore shirts of bright colors , many sheer , but they had on undershirts , there were many floral patterns and things like this . Their hair was in pony tails or pulled into a bun and wrapped in tight black silk hairnets . They had pieces of rice stuck onto their forehead in the place of the red dot seen on many Hindus . The men wore mostly white jackets and a white headband with sharp folds making a strong pointy pattern in the center of their head . I put on a sari basically like a dress , wrapped around my waist and down to just above my feet , then a belt and my normal shirt . I 'm sure I looked funny trying to figure out how to put it on . Bule . Walking up the steps and into the even denser crowds of people I was overwhelmed . There was a man flinging holy water on everyone with a small paint brush . Once inside it is hard to decide which way to go . There were people coming out of a doorway and it seemed like the right place , but where to enter ? I was clearly looking at the exit . Pushing past some girls and young boys with heavy make up on their faces and big head dresses on of gilded metal leaves and designs , I found the entrance . Inside there was a small set of steps leading up to a platform where from the outside leading in there was another door and a steady stream of women bringing in baskets on their heads filled with offerings of food and flowers , some whole cooked chickens , fruit and vegetables . Later they would take it back home . I don 't think it is the belief but I like the thought that the food would now be blessed and better to eat . Past the food offerings there were maybe 100 people sitting in prayer , but not stiff , they all seemed very relaxed , some held their thumbs to middle finger on their knees , but most were just sitting and looking , or chatting with the person next to them . In front of everyone were some men with lots of flowers preparing holy water and possibly other things though I don 't know what , it seemed very anti - climactic . One the side there were people playing instruments and there was a man singing or chanting . His voice was very harmonious and calming to listen to . He was sitting next to three other guys . One of them would make a speech later that sounded almost like he was announcing winners to a contest . I stood and listened for a while but didn 't sit down because the ground was muddy and I didn 't have a plastic bag to sit on . I left through the exit door and got some more holy water splashes , and went to admire the people in makeup , performers . They had long eyelashes and eyeliner , with blue around their eyelids and along their cheekbones , it drew a majority of my attention to their eyes . Their cheeks were reddish , basically their whole face was heavily made up , and they wore bright red lipstick . The girls had elaborate golden head dresses . The boys had spears and almost the same makeup and clothing . They looked very famine , and at first I confused them for younger girls . Later all would dance . The girls had very defined hand movements like in Khmer tradition dance , with fingers and feet in specific positions that would flow into the next position and stop stiffly for pose . They would shake their hips as they moved up and down , and they would shake their heads with a stiff head bobble , the head seeming to rotate directly from the stem of the spinal cord . When they did this they would open their eyes wide and stare with intense directness and strength , almost giving off the look of insanity , then change into a sweet , laughing smile , self - awareness showing through . In some of the dances they would wear long dresses , holding them at their lower thighs as they spun , the dress going high out to the sides . In other dances they used fans , or they would face each other in a circle and show off , maybe in contest , maybe in fun and feminity . The boys , there were six of them , wore similar dresses but more like the sari I had on . They fought each other with spears or they practiced moves . One of the boys kept shoving his spear into the face of a little girl in the crowd . She was laughing with joy and jumping her head back with every thrust . This was the second day of three for the ceremony . They have a ceremony every full moon and new moon . The festival starts in the early morning and goes into the night . On the last day it goes all night long . We walked home in the foggy night . The houses along the walkway provided some light but a flashlight was needed , there certainly were no street lights . Though their houses are small and open without privacy , it felt comfortable and cozy in the cold wet village . Once on the street you could see the big mountains around you , covered in a white mist , cold but not too cold because it 's still tropical here and we 'd just walked up the steep path . Although I would miss the comforts of modern life , for me this would be a great place to call home . Posted on February 15 , 2014 by uponarival I begin to wonder what would happen if I fell off . Shiiiiiiit ! ! ! ! The water doesn 't look clean . I guess I 'd have to drop the backpack immediately , letting it sink to its death , and start yelling for help . No one would come so I 'd have to swim , not for shore , too far , but for the island we are now passing . I see a red blinking light at the highest point on the island atop a tree covered hill , so there must be some human presence there , maybe I could get help . What if there are komodo dragons , scary creatures , fast with strong meat ripping jaws , a lizard that stretches 6 feet . I 'd have to kill one with a rock and make spears out of its teeth , but not get cut myself because their saliva is deadly , full of bacteria and venom , it contains a paralysis agent and clots your blood , leaving you an easy victim to the bacteria or the hungry lizard itself . How about a fire ? I would need to cook the meat , but I didn 't go to the boy scouts , I don 't know how to make a fire with some rocks , and I don 't know if the meat also has some kind of poison in it as well , hope not . I think I 'd infiltrate the building where the light is and make a home there . I might have to defend it from the authorities after they realize I am living there , but as I got to know the island I could find ways to hide and outsmart them . It would become mine . Oh , but lonely . I might have to make a boat and steal a few women from the mainland and bring them back as my wives . As I think of my new life on this island , this nice guy sits next to me and offers to share his food with me . We eat with our hands , spicy and rich , jackfruit , potatoes and fish . I only have one bit of fish because it tastes of fish , which I find gross . The darkness turns to early morning light blue as we eat . There are too many clouds and fog for a sunrise or any yellow and orange across the sky , but it is very beautiful still . I try to make conversation , anything , silly shit , " You like fish ? " I say pointing and rubbing my belly . He laughs and shrugs , it 's no use we don 't speak the same language and it 's not really necessary , the silence is refreshing . He seems like a very nice guy , I think we are on the same bus that I have been riding in for 47 hours now , down the heavily forest covered island of Sumatra , I 'll find out in a bit when we load back up . For now I 'll look at where the sky and the water meet in the distance , and at the big island of Java approaching , I am almost at my destination of Jakarta ; a horrible , polluted , waste of a stop in my travels . Posted on February 11 , 2014 by uponarival From start to finish this was my favorite part of the tour . We stayed in a guest house in some coffee plantations , didn 't see much coffee though , but below the guest house were big gardens with mountains around them , there were mostly strawberries in the gardens . The people here were very friendly , with big smiles and happy to talk to me . I went off looking for the seeds of a plant called Kelor to take home for my mom to grow . I 'm told it grows all over Indonesia and seems like a miracle plant . It is good for your garden , adding fertilizer , nitrates or something , and is a natural pesticide . It is rich in vitamins and a source of yen cooling energy , and fights black magic . It is used medically to treat loss of appetite , epilepsy , ulcers , jaundice , muscle pains , herpes and other skin wounds . You can eat it in soups and the seeds can purify drinking water from germs and other impurities . The people there , fishing or going on walks or heading to mosque , said it didn 't grow in that area , but they were very amused by my looking for it and asking in Bahasa Indonesian . I had gotten a nice gay Indonesian guy on our tour to teach me how to ask to buy it and I think what he wrote translated into : " Can you give me a gift of some Kelor seeds ? " The guest house was worth a few days stay but we went to bed after just a few hours , at 7pm and tried to get some sleep , then woke up at midnight and didn 't return . Luckily I was tired from getting lost on Mt . Bromo the day before and did get some rest . Off to the mountain . The climb up was steep and about three kilometers . I barely stopped and let my heart rate climb high and level out . It is different to climb in the middle of the night . I talked with a cute Indonesian girl on the way up and some of her friends . It 's weird to talk with girls who have saris over their head and are clearly Muslim . I don 't know the rules . Another time I had been told not to touch a girl , not even to shake her hand . I don 't know the way to tell the level of each girl 's strictness in her religion . At the top there was just about nothing , only a sign saying " Danger , it is not allowed to go any further " . I did not notice this sign till after I had come back up from going further . It was dangerous too , we went down into a valley or something , very steep , walking on rocks that could slip away . Of course there was no railing , like most outdoor tourist sites in SE Asia , but also it winded on itself often so if you fell it could be down multiple sections at once , meaning , it was a damn far fall , maybe death . The sulfur wasn 't too bad till I was at the blue fire . There , when the wind changed and blew it in my direction , it burned into my lungs . As it attacked my chest I did not get enough oxygen so I wanted to breathe even deeper . Even with my sweatshirt over my face , it didn 't filter much of the sulfur smoke , and it burned my eyes so I couldn 't see . The only good move was to stay still , breath slowly , and get lower to the ground . The blue fire . It is the sulfur on fire . It does not stop , 24 hours a day , until all the resource has been used up which I guess will not be for a long time . It 's supposedly only present in two places in the world , here and in Iceland . In the night not much is visible , blackness and smoke , but when the smoke shifts you catch a glimpse of it , blue flames on the side of the mountain . It is like they are hovering , dangling in the air because you can see nothing but blackness around them . Multiple different patches of them but the smoke blocks your view so when they appear you stare in amazement . Something about it being the side of the mountain that is burning , or that it is rock that 's burning , or that you just climbed up here in the middle of the night . It 's like no fire you have ever seen before , it is like it 's not fire at all . Everyone is in awe , trying to get pictures though the picture are just blue flames in a field of nothingness , they just can 't do it justice as most pictures usually cannot for scenes of natural beauty . You must see it with your own eyes . They have set up little tubes to collect the melted sulfur as it runs off . It goes down the tubes and onto the ground below , where it hardens and the workers , local men , break off pieces with a metal pole and carry them one kilometer up the steep rocky path that I came down , and then down the mountain another three kilometers , all in two baskets connected by a piece of wood that they then carry on their shoulder muscles on one side of their bodies or the other . Fifty to seventy kilograms we are talking about here . They do it two times per day , every one of them . Most of the men I talked to have been doing this for upwards of twenty years or were sons of men who have been doing it for longer . One older man had a torch made of a soda bottle full of fuel with a rag sticking out . He stood , torch in hand , amid the sulfur smoke posing for pictures , breathing it in for extra tips . None of the men wore face masks . I stayed up there till 7am . There were different places to stand with different views , avoiding the smoke was always at the top of my list of priorities . There was also a lake that I didn 't see till the sun was coming up . It was very acidic , I put my hand in to see if it was hot , it was hot , a little more than lukewarm , but it also burned the cuts on my hand , and even my skin but only slightly . I didn 't notice it at first but within a few second the acidic water started biting into the exposed flesh . It hurt pretty bad for about 15 minutes . There were people collecting the molten sulfur and pouring it into water slowly to make pretty ( stupid ) looking souvenirs to sell to us . They looked like hand dripped beeswax candles . In the daylight I also found the toilet amid some rocks off the path , where the early morning dump is taken when needed . Really the fire was beautiful , incredible , alien , but it was the whole experience that made it great . I was one of the first up as I walked fast and past most of the Indonesian tourists who had started a little earlier , and I was one of the last ten to leave . One the way out I had had enough sulfur . It came hard at us while we walked out up the rocky path . I didn 't think I could take anymore . My hacking lungs started to sound bad and I kept gaging . But I made it out and looked down at the smoke and flames from above , less impressive in the daylight . I gave one of the guys carrying sulfur rock a shoulder massage , he said it was the first time anyone had done that . He had been carrying those heavy loads for 24 years . I said he must have a great wife to work so hard for her , he laughed and said yes of course he did . On the way down I passed tourists going up . They were tired and didn 't really look at me , whereas all the workers smiled big at me and said hello enthusiastically . I don 't know how they keep their spirits up while working so damn hard but I guess they have to or day after day it would be unbearable . I gave a few of them snacks from my bag and bought some silly turtles molded out of the sulfur for a buck . I forget the figures of how much they made for a trip of seventy kilos but it was small , 10 or 20 cents on the kilo , but I was told they make double what a normal worker in Indonesia makes . I would put it on my list of hardest working jobs , maybe hardest , but definitely not worst jobs , just hardest . First stop on my three day tour from Jogjakarta to Bali , Mt . Bromo , an active volcano which I 'm told last erupted three years ago and later heard it erupted again three days after I left . It must have been small because there is a whole town around it and the houses are actually quite nice , I assume they were not damaged . There were lots of farmers , I was told they grow a lot of coffee but I saw a majority of cold weather crops such as onion and cauliflower . The tour guide said it would be 6 ° C at 4 am . We stayed in a hotel just outside of the park , you go down a hill and are inside , there is a big rim all around you , I guess 360 degrees but I could only see about a third of the circle , so I can 't be sure . Inside are sand flats with some small hills , kind of sharp peaked , but only a meter to three meters tall . Then there is a cone shaped mountain with some green bushes growing on it and a shorter one next to it which is the volcano Mt . Bromo . It is wider but not as tall and the top looks flat from far away , like it had been blown off long ago . I don 't know if this small mountain is the only volcano or if both are , or if the whole area is basically one giant volcano . I 'm guessing the whole area is but the short one is the mouth with the active tube releasing gas and magma . I discovered that if you pick up a piece of lava rock and throw it in the air , there is a deep boom when it hits the ground , like it is hallow underneath and the sandy floor is stretched across a huge cavern in the earth like a drum . It was a great sound to hear the earth make , deep and shallow , immense . The trip in started at 4 am . I walked in with a Spanish couple named Miguel and Lluria , instead of paying 100 , 000 rupiah for a jeep tour ( about $ 10 ) . It was very dark and we didn 't know where to go . Some motorbike drivers gave us bad directions and we ended up paying some other ones 35 , 000 each to bring us to the mountain . We shouldn 't have paid it and would have been fine walking the way we were headed , but it was too dark for us to know . When we got off the bikes another guy came up holding a horse and said , " You buy my horse ? " We laughed about it , he meant another ride of course , but we took it to mean did want to buy a horse , bring it on the bus , and take it home in a few weeks ? We walked up to the mountain , past locals selling coffee , to some steps . At the top you could see down into the volcano a ways , but couldn 't see magma . There were steep cliffs down to the inside of the mountain and then a hole in the middle with sulfur steam or smoke coming out . I walked to the right , to the end of the chain railing and it seemed the path stopped . But on the other side , to the left , it went on . So I walked along that path leaving the Spanish behind . It kept going pretty far , I walked maybe a half hour till I was about halfway around . In my residual anger at paying the motorbike drivers , I was planning to slide down the outside of the mountain and cross the small hills to where they picked us up . I got to a place where it became green with bush so I thought I might go down through there , though maybe dangerous and difficult , and I wondered about snakes . Again I changed my mind and kept going to the highest peak in the path , above the very low mist line . The view below me became less visible but on the other side of this peak , I could see there was another semi - circle touching the side of the volcano on the outside of it , it seemed like it might hold water , in the past or future . But the plan looked easier from the top than it was once inside . I went down the first hill but could find no safe path to go down the second one . I was getting a little scared too down there , so I went back up instead . The sand was hard to climb because it kept slipping under my feet . At points there were layers of mineral deposits that were sharp but would break under my feet , so not really very strong but I 'm sure it would still hurt to fall on them . Before I left I did some Tallon Indian war cries into the volcano , they echoed across and some others repeated them back to me . I got out with only difficulty because it was not too steep . I kept going along the path to try and make it all the way around . It started to rain right after I got out . Thinking it was good that I didn 't try to make it to the bottom , I trudged on hoping not to get too wet or find a nice spot for shelter . The rain didn 't last long , what it did was bring in a thick fog so I couldn 't see across the volcano at all , and the sulfur smoke was blowing right at me at times , choking me up and bring tears to my eyes . I came to a simple shrine and gave a bow and asked for protection . A few minutes later I came to a fork , I went right realizing that the left probably went to the other mountain , but truthfully it was a guess , I didn 't know because I couldn 't see more than 10 foot in front of me . I was glad to have given a bow and assumed I had made the right choice , which I had , but quickly that trail disappeared and it looked like it went down . So I went down with it till that path disappeared . I couldn 't tell if I was going down into the volcano or outside of it into some valleys between the two mountains . I figured better to end up on the outside of the volcano rather than inside so I went down and left and steered left more than I should have . I realized it would be very difficult to get out of where I was heading , but it seemed like keeping going was the best option . A slight fear was beginning to rise and settle in me . There were no people near me , and I doubted that anyone would really wait for me if I didn 't get back in time . I had a few hours before my bus left , I told myself to breathe and relax , then through a break in the mist I saw an Islamic structure off to my right and I recognized it as near the entrance to the stairs . I was now aware that I was between the two mountains . So I went down to the valley , where water would flow if there was some . But the water didn 't flow evenly , there was a big drop off , probably about 10 foot , maybe more , a waterfall with no water if you will . It had sheer cliffs up to where I was standing , if I jumped down I might get hurt . I slid along the edge and crept down slowly , knowing that my footing and hand holds could slide right out from under me at any point . Full of fear , or maybe what some would call adrenaline , I hung down from my arms , facing the ground , not the cliff , and dropped . My right foot pushed off a small ledge a foot below and I jumped about a meter and a half down . I knew hitting the ledge would make it risky but it made the drop less . I landed and was fine though my nerves were pulsing . And a few minutes later … another drop off , this time 4 - 5 meters . There were hand holds to try to climb down , but there was a small amount of water on them and I imagined slipping and falling or that they would just break , and me with them . I pictured myself alone in a pit with a broken leg or hitting the other side of the rock cliff with my head , as this and the other resembled a hole about two meters wide , rather than a path . I decided not to jump down , I said no and went back up , back the way I had come , it was the only somewhat safe option . At this point I am asking myself why the fuck am I sliding and climbing and jumping down the side of a volcano , all alone in another country ? I did have a phone , with almost no credit and reception , but I probably could call someone , too bad I didn 't find out the number to call in case of emergency . You always forget those sorts of things right ? 911 certainly would not work here . I was starting to lose it , my mind wandered to possibilities of me dying , to being lost up there for days , but I reasoned it out and found it unlikely . The mountain was too steep and the sand keep sliding out from under me , it was exhausting my legs fast . I got up to a point and saw foot prints , of a cat or some small four - footer . Good . I followed them but I slipped a lot more than they did . Then I got to the top of a sandy peak and sat for a moment . More prints … Human … Mine ! I followed them back hoping they were where I started to go down and not one of the many back and forths I had done , zigzagging down . They did take me to where I had started to go down , just after the fork in the path . Where before I could not see where the path was , now I could see that the path went along the peak , thin as it was . I could go on but it seemed the path was a little dangerous , only about a foot wide . On either side I could easily slip or fall down the outside of the volcano or into it . I could go the safer way back , the way I came 45 minutes . I decided to go the new way to completer the hike around the rim . On the thin path where before I might have been afraid to see down the possible deadly edge into the volcano , with sharp rocks and walls too steep to climb back out , now with hardened nerves I walked happily because there was at least some kind of path and I had a clear direction . Then I saw some small strings of yellow guard rail , and people on the edge , " Hooray ! " I came walking up expecting the people to point at me : " You are crazy dude , what are you doing out there ? " But they said nothing . I leaned on the rail and relaxed . A woman who I shared a room with , Catharine , came up and said hello and I told her a little about being so happy to be back but her response was slight . Then saw a girl from Holland I met in Jakarta , and she too didn 't care much . I bought a bouquet of hard flowers to throw in the volcano for a wish or prayer . I said only " Thank you " when I threw them in . I had been really scared out there and realized that I was very stupid to have put myself in that position . I felt awkward because no one else around me was sharing my experience , I felt alone in my relief . I told Catherine more about it as we walked down the stairs . She gave me the understanding I needed , she had been in Nepal and went off on her own and the mist came in and it got dangerous . I was good to hear , just to know she understood the feelings I was having or had went through . She understood being lost on a mountain , possibilities blowing through your mind , until you will yourself to calm and be logical , and the embarrassed relief when you get out of your predicament . |
Hello eveyone as you may know im new to this board lol . . well i love writing so i hope you like this story . I kind of dont like giving introductions so I 'll just jump to the first chapter . enjoy ! to clear something when you read Johnny im refering to Johnny Depp lolOnce again this is just a fan fiction . Liliana , all full of shock and resentment , stormed out of Johnny 's apartment while he kept begging her to come back . She had caught him in bed with the " plastic b * * ch , and he had given her the lamest excuse possible . " We were just playing doctor , " he said , with a shaky laugh . Liliana began to walk the crowded streets of Paris , and that was when she found Criss , who , at the time , was a homeless mime . Johnny stayed in the apartment , and couldn 't get what had just happened out his mind . He felt awkward with this new situation . The woman that he loved with all his heart and soul was gone , maybe forever , but at the same time , the " plastic b * * ch , " as Liliana called her , was able to give him momentary pleasure and satisfaction , and although what he felt for her was not real love , she was like a mannequin , and she did what he wanted , which was very convenient for him . But what Johnny didn 't know was that Liliana had found a new character in this series of unfortunate events . She had found someone who had captivated her vision , not only with his tricks of magic , full of charm and illusion , and not to mention his penetrating eyes and his peculiar sense of humor . His identity was an enigma to her , so she decided to get a Little closer and become part of his audience for just one moment . He was no common mime ; he went beyond . He was unique . Mimes pretend to use a wide variety of invisible objects , and one of them was a chain that went from his eyes directly into Liliana 's heart . When the show was over , Liliana decided to get even closer to deposit a few coins in his cup , but when she bent down to do so , he grabbed her chin gently , and raised her head until their eyes met . Both stayed frozen as if time had stopped going by . They looked at each other , without being able to say one word , and at the same time they felt a warm sensation travel through their bodies . It was a feeling that Liliana had not experienced in a long time , not since Johnny 's attitude towards her had changed . Then he asked , " What is your name ? ' ' which left her even more impressed , because it was the first time she Heard someone speak English in France . At last she felt like she had found someone with whom she had something in common ; a new friend , even though she felt is was just a normal friendship , but the beginning of something bigger . There was something in his eyes ; something indescribable . Then she snapped out of her dream and said , " My name is Liliana . " He said , " Hey , you speak English too … ! Oh sorry , I 'm Criss , Criss Angel Sarantakos . Nice to meet you . " Liliana said , " Same here " Criss : so did you like the show ? ? Liliana : yes , yes ! it was very impressive . . . too bad that the folks around here don 't seem to appreciate it too much . Criss : yeah , you 're right , it 's tough out here . Liliana : then , may I ask why are you here , then ? Criss : well , i wanted to travel around the world , and become famous in many places . . . . but I guess I 'm gonna be known more as a homeless mime by the mean - eyed folks that live here . . . but at least you liked it . that 's all I need . * Liliana looks down and blushes * * Criss after a short pause * would you like to have a cup of coffee ? ? Liliana : Eh , I don 't know , I think I sWhen he came , Criss was about to freeze out of fear again because he still had problems communicating in French , and just as he was about to make a fool out of himself , Liliana surprised him by saying , " Apportez - nous un couple de cappuccinos , s ' il vous plait . " Criss stared at her in amazement . He couldn 't believe he was the one who carried the name of " Angel , " and yet he had just met a real angel , in the street of Paris . Such perfection , such beauty , such intelligence ; it was marvelous . But all that intimidated him at the same time . He felt that he wasn 't at her level , and started to feel uneasy . Criss 's expression changed entirely . Liliana asked , " Is there something wrong ? " and he said , " Ehhh , I 'm sorry , but there 's something I gotta do . See ya later . " and left the cafe in a rush . shuffled through the pictures one by one . It was like a dagger at the heart . Johnny , the love of her life , being with another woman . The tears began to come out her eyes . They fell from her cheeks and onto the photos . One by one , the pictures began to drench in Liliana 's sorrow . But then , Liliana heard a noise . It was the door . Someone was in the room ! And she didn 't get the feeling it was the landlord . She ran into the closet and stayed quiet . She tried to look was Johnny , laughing and joking around . But make no mistake ; he wasn 't drunk and talking to himself . No . He had that plastic b * * ch in his arms . He threw suffer . Then , a rush of adrenaline ran through her system . Jealousy began to take over her good common sense . She stormed out of the closet , grabbed a flower vase that was on a small table next to the bed , and hit Johnny on the head with it . The woman began to scream out of terror . Johnny wasn 't moving , and her Liliana stared at the scene in confusion . She still hadn 't grasped the seriousness of the situation . The screams of the plastic girl woke her up . Liliana she could do was think about what she had done . She hadn 't just killed anyone . She had killed Johnny Depp , a movie star ! It was a fact that the news were It was a juggler playing some fun tricks on the street . A small crowd had surrounded him and seemed to be very entertained by him . It could only be one person : Criss . She got up and ran towards the crowd . She tried to look over people 's heads , but she coudn 't get a good look . She began to push people aside and this gave her an idea . She realized she wasn 't far from the street where she had found Criss . She thought , " I 'll go look for him there , he might was trying not to lose hope . He was her only chance . He was also , just like he said , her only friend in the big and crowded streets of kept running and running . She had nothing to lose now . She had no husband , no place to live , no belongings , nothing , nothing but herself , and the hope of down for a few seconds . Then she came back to her own self and realized that those arms were still holding her . She turned around and looked up , in didn 't know what to do . She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time . He looked right into her eyes and said , " Hey , I told you the people here Criss giggled . Liliana was catching on to his sense of humor . That was a good sign , he thought . He said , " now that you mention it , I 'm right now ? " Criss looked down and said , " Oh , about that . I 'm sorry I left like that at the cafe this evening . It 's just that " interrupted him , " It 's just what ? You didn 't like it that a girl knows how to do something you don 't ? " Criss felt ashamed and said , for a moment . All of a sudden Liliana 's expression changed . She became serious and looked down at the floor . Criss was still talking and joking around , until he turned to look at her , and noticed that she wasn 't ok . " What 's wrong ? , " he asked . " Oh , don 't worry , it 's nothing , " she said . " No , it 's not ok . If it makes you look this sad then it 's got to be important . Please , tell me , " he said . what to say . The thought of his own reality came flying at full speed to his mind . He didn 't have a home either . He was used to sleeping on park benches said , " Really ? Are you sure it 's ok ? " Criss replied with a fake confidence , " Yeah , sure ! Let 's go , you must be freezing out and Criss arrived at the manor . Criss knocked on the door gently . But there was no response . He knocked again , but still , no one answered the door , until he said , " Criss , what are you doing here ? " Criss answered , " I need you to do a favor for me , please . See , this is my friend , Liliana . She même pas y penser ! " the old woman screamed . " No , no ! It 's not what you 're thinking ! We 'll pay you ! Umm , nous vous around quickly and said , " What ? You 're leaving ? Where ? " He stuttered , " Umm , well , you see , I got a different room , you know … " One could see in Liliana 's face that there was nothing she couldn 't see . " You 're lying , huh ? C ' mon , just tell me . You 're lying . " Criss felt cornered at this point and had no choice but to tell the truth . " Ok , fine . So I didn 't get a room . What 's the problem with that ? " " So then where are you going to sleep in ? " asked Liliana in confusion . " Nowhere , " he replied , " I got nowhere to go . I 'll just find myself a good spot down close by down the street . " Liliana sighed and said to him , " Why do you like to complicate things even more ? You can stay on that couch over there , " and she pointed to a small and dirty couch . It was yellow and covered in small red spots . It had some holes on it , but other than that , it could make for a good bed . " Eh , I don 't think so , " Said Criss . " But why not ? Don 't tell me the sidewalk 's hard and wet floor is more comfortable than this couch . C ' mon just lay on it . Besides , you were the one who paid for this , so it wouldn 't be fair that you didn 't take bed due to all the springs that were sticking out of it . Liliana took off her coat and hit the bed . She was exhausted . Criss looked at her from the couch . She was looking the other way . After a moment , she said , " What are you looking at ? " Criss said in an innocent voice , " What do you mean ? " She replied , " I know when someone is looking at me . I can feel it . " She turned around and said , do you wanna share half of the bed ? " Criss closed his eyes as if he wanted to fall asleep and get away from the world and said , " Nah , the couch is fine . Don 't worry . " She sat up on the bed and as she patted the bed with the palm of her hand , she said , " Aww come on . You know you 're not comfortable on that couch . Come on , I 'll look one way and you 'll look the other one . Deal ? " Criss didn 't know if he should , but that offer sure was tempting . He got up the bed and as if he was being finally turned off the lights . Each one of them curled on their edge of the bed . Liliana fell asleep like a rock as soon as the lights were off , but Criss just couldn 't close his eyes . They were wide open , like the eyes of a cat in the middle of the dark when it 's struck by a ray of light . He next . Then Liliana , in her sleep , turned around towards Criss and put her arm around him . Criss was in shock ! He didn 't move at all , He stayed like that The sunlight began to pour through the window onto Criss ' face . He growled and slowly began to wake up . He sat up on the bed and looked around . Liliana was nowhere to be found . He got a strange feeling in the gut . He didn 't know if it was amazement or worry or fear . A million things began to rush through his mind . " Could she have just left me like that ? Or , maybe her boyfriend found her here and took her back with him ? No , it can 't be , I would have heard Criss proceeded to get up from the bed . Just as he walks towards the door , the knob turns , stopping him in his tracks . The door opened . It was Liliana , pretty cool . " He paused for a moment . " Umm , at what time did you leave ? " Liliana began to put the groceries on the table , and said , " What question yet ? And besides , where did you get the money to buy all this stuff ? " Liliana smiled at him , and said , " Oh , don 't worry about it . " mysterious all of a sudden ? What 's going on ? ! " Liliana 's smile vanished from her face . She looked down and said , " I had some business to take Liliana was smiling at him again , this time , with a funny look on her face . Criss said in a loud voice , " What 's so funny ? ! " Liliana 's expression didn 't change . Then she said , " Aww , you were worried about me , weren 't you ? , " and winked at him . Criss 's face blushed until it turned as red as a tomato , and he stuttered , " Wha - what ? ! What are you talking about ? " It was obvious that he was lying through his teeth . Liliana , a very clever woman , never missed anything , and completely knew what was going on . " You don 't have to deny it . I actually appreciate your concern , " Liliana said , in a sweet voice . Criss calmed down , and looked at her in surprise for a moment . Then he grinned and said , " Umm , so … what 's for breakfast ? " Liliana giggled . " What ? What are you laughing about this time ? " Criss asked . " You 're so random and funny too ! I like that , " Liliana replied in a flattery voice . Then she said , " Ok , then , so what do you want me to make for breakfast ? " Criss said , " I looked at her . Then , Liliana added some more , " I went to get some money and a couple of changes . The clothes are in those bags over there . " Criss took a sip of his coffee and said , " But you should have told me . " " I 'm sorry , " said Liliana . " Was there anyone home when you got departed from the building . The old lady stood in the doorway and cheerfully waved at Liliana . Then Criss turned around and looked at the old woman , who made a whatsoever . They walked for a little while , without saying one word . Then Liliana stopped , and said to Criss , " Well , aren 't you supposed to go to work or something ? " Criss replied , " Well , now that you mention it , yeah I have to go to work . " Then Criss froze as he noticed how Liliana was staring at him . She said , " Aren 't you tired of your job ? I mean , it 's not even a real job . I know you had a dream of becoming famous in this country , but on a serious face . The tone of his voice became serious as well . " That is not my real job , " he said . Liliana said , " What do you mean ? I saw you do those tricks on the street yesterday . " That is just a facade , " said Criss . " Then , the whole mime thing is just a hobby ? " asked in trying to figure out this mess . " It 's a facade for my real job , " Criss finally admitted . Liliana was surprised . She didn 't expect any surprises from a guy like Criss , who seemed to be an honest and timid person . Still , she hadn 't found out the whole truth . " Do you really want to know you sure you wanna know ? Remember , there will be no turning back once you learn the truth , " he said , still talking in that scary voice . Liliana began to " I 'm positive . Just tell me , it can 't be that bad , is it ? , " liliana finally said . " Well then , " he said in an authoritative way , began to walk and Liliana just followed . He wasn 't talking , and had a serious look on his face , similar to that of a sphinx . Liliana then asked in a low voice , " Umm , Criss , where are you taking me ? " " You 'll see . Just keep walking , " he answered , without even turning his head to look at thought . Then she said , " Umm , I don 't know , I 've never really thought about it . Why do you ask ? " " You 'll see , just wait a little bit Once again , Liliana felt worried , but this time even worse . Her heart began to beat faster and faster . She didn 't know if she should keep following she asked him , " Oh really ? And why is it your favorite one ? " He put on that freaky smile of his again and said , " Because you get to wear Criss and Liliana arrived at a storage in a lonely part of town . Criss opened the lock on the door and took the chain out . Then he opened the big blue doors , and said , " Well , come on in . " Liliana was just standing there , and didn 't move . " Oh c ' mon , what are you afraid of ? " he asked sarcastically . " Well , I got my reasons to doubt you , you know . You 've been acting very strange the whole morning , it 's like you 're a different person from the man I met yesterday , " she said . Criss looked down and swallowed . Then he looked at her and said , " I 'm sorry , it 's just that … you 're the first one to know my secret . " Liliana began to feel that the Criss that she had met at first was coming back , but there was still something wrong . Criss then tried to reach to her with his right hand . She looked at his hand for a moment with a sense of suspicion . Finally she gave in , and held his hand , and they both went inside the dark and damp storage . They walked for a little while , and then stopped . Criss whispered , " Stay here . I 'll be right back . Don 't move from here , ok ? " and he left quickly . Liliana began to get the chills all through her body , as she looked around her in the middle of the darkness . Then the lights turned on , one by one . Criss came back running and said , " Ok , let 's go . " " Go where ? , " she said . Criss held her hand , smiled at her , and said , " Follow me . " They walked some more into the huge storage . There was a great amount of garbage scattered all around . Suddenly , Criss said , " Stop . " Liliana waited for him to unlock a metal blue door . They entered the room . It was a locker room . Everything seemed to be normal , until Criss went and opened one of the lockers and took a big black bag out of it . It was a plastic bag with a hanger coming out of it . Obviously , it was some kind of outfit . Criss showed it to Liliana and said , " Look , " as he took the clothes out of the bag . The outfit seemed to be some kind of uniform . It was royal blue , and it included some kind of hat . Criss put the outfit which was still hanging from the hanger onto his chest and said , " What do you think ? Does it look good on me ? " Liliana was extremely confused at this point . She had no words to describe what was going on . Then she said , " Well , I don 't know . Are you planning to put it on ? Is that the uniform for your real job ? " " More or less , " he said . " Well then , is it ? " Liliana asked . " Soon , my dear , you will find the answer to all your questions , but in the meantime … " he said as he went to get another outfit from another closet , " put on this outfit . It should look great on you . " He gave the bag to Liliana , and she barely held it with her fingers . She didn 't understand what she was getting herself into . Now she regretted not having run away while she still had the chance . But that was then , and this was now , and she had no choice but to go along . Criss left Liliana in the locker room so she could change her clothes in privacy , while he changed his outside the room . When Liliana took the clothes out of the bag , she told herself , " No way , no way ! " Criss finished putting the uniform on , and as he pulled up his zipper , Liliana opened the door . Criss looked at her , and said , " Wow , looking good . " Liliana looked mad . She said in a loud voice , " There better be a good reason for making me wear these clothes ! " Criss said calmly , " There is . " She shouted , " Well , I demand to know right now ! " Her outfit consisted of a long black dress with small diamonds embedded on the lower part of the dress and a black hat with some black feathers on top as well . It wasn 't exactly embarrassing , but it was just too elegant for her taste . She thought , " How come I 'm wearing a very expensive dress while he 's wearing that ugly uniform ? " The answer was closer than she thought . Criss and Liliana walked out of the storage . Criss locked the gate behind him and said , " Liliana , head to the nearest bank . You know where the JP Morgan Chase Bank is , right ? " Liliana said , " Yeah , but … " Criss interrupted her , " OK , go there immediately ; I 'll meet you there soon . " " But where are you going ? What are you gonna do ? " she asked in a frightened tone . " Don 't worry ; just wait for me there , ok ? He said . The tone of his voice reflected the urge he had to leave right away . Criss left in the opposite direction and turned around a wall . Liliana , looked at him as he ran away , trying to decide if she should do what he has said or not . And , just like the last couple of times , she ended up following his directions . She hurried to the bank . People looked at her and mumbled with one another . They probably were asking themselves who was that rich woman and where she was going . When she finally arrived to the bank , she walked in , and found a chair where to sit . Suddenly , she heard a phone ringing . The sound was nearby , and no one seemed to pick up any phone . She knew it wasn 't her , since she had left her cell phone at Johnny 's apartment . The ringing kept going . She thought , " Well , there can 't be any pockets on this dress now , can it ? " and as she searched with her hand around the dress she fell a small part that was different from the other material from which the dress was made from . She examined it , and realized it was a very small zipper . She opened it and inspected inside that pocket . To her surprise , there was a small cell phone inside . She quickly took it out and answered it . " Hello ? " she said . " Stand in line , " a mysterious voice said . " Who is this ? Is it you Criss ? " she asked loudly , since she could barely hear due to all the people that were talking and passing by around her . " Lower you voice , " He said , " and don 't say my name out loud . Now please do as I say and stand in line , I 'm almost there . " " But - - , " she said , but the call was dropped . She tried to redial but the number turned out to be private . She had no choice . She had come this far , and had finally understood what Criss had said earlier about not being able to turn back . She rose from the chair and walked towards one of the lines . There she waited for about five minutes , constantly checking her watch . Then , she turned around to look at the door to see if he was coming . She didn 't see him . Outside the bank , a van had parked almost in front of the entrance . A man in a uniform came out of it , and walked into the bank , looking down and holding a packet of papers which seemed to be bank receipts with his left hand , and a big black sack hanging from his right one . He walked through the front door . Liliana felt a cold wind blowing from behind as the main door opened . Deppangel Liliana was about to turn around to see who had come into the bank , but her movement was stopped by a man 's voice that came from behind saying calmly but firmly , " Don 't move . " " Is it you , Criss ? " she thought . The man put a small piece of paper in her hand , and then left , passing right by her right side . Judging by the suit he was wearing , it seemed to be Criss . She stood there , frozen , until he disappeared into the crowd . She took a look at the paper . It said , " If I were you , I would walk towards the main door . " Liliana said to herself , " This is my chance ! " She had no idea what Criss was up to , but it seemed that now that he had given her " permission " to get close to the door she would be able to escape . She rushed to the door , and just as she was about to get there , a man in a black suit and barely putting a mask on broke in pointing a gun at everyone . Liliana froze . The man took advantage of this and took her hostage . He used her as a shield from the security guards . The guards just pointed their guns at him without shooting , fearing that they would hurt Liliana . Then , a really loud noise was heard from inside the bank . It sounded like an explosion . The criminal let go of Liliana and told her to run towards the counters where the employees were , pointing the gun at her to make sure she ran as fast as she could . Liliana turn his back on him and began to run as fast as she could . Then , she heard a huge " Boom ! " and she fell to the floor . She was partially unconscious . All she could hear were the screams from the people running around her . Her eyes would open and close over and over again . Every time she opened them , the vision of people lying on the floor struck her eyes . Until he felt someone grab her from behind and say , " It 's ok , just hang in there . " That was the last thing she remembered . " Ahh ! , " she screamed , as her whole body jumped on the van 's co - pilot seat . She looked out the window and saw the buildings pass her by really fast , which made her head spin . She closed her eyes for a moment , trying not to faint again , and then she looked to her right . Her eyes open as wide as they could . It was Criss ! He was the one driving the van ! Her hands began to shake , and in a desperate voice she said , " What 's going on ! ? What did you do ? ! " " Don 't worry , " he said , as he smiled at her . He seemed to be very calm . " Where are we going , " she asked , still with a little weakness in her voice . " It 's ok , just rest for now , " he said , without taking his eyes off the road . " But I don 't wanna rest ! I want to know what 's going on ! " she demandeNext Topic >> |
Hello eveyone as you may know im new to this board lol . . well i love writing so i hope you like this story . I kind of dont like giving introductions so I 'll just jump to the first chapter . enjoy ! to clear something when you read Johnny im refering to Johnny Depp lolOnce again this is just a fan fiction . Liliana , all full of shock and resentment , stormed out of Johnny 's apartment while he kept begging her to come back . She had caught him in bed with the " plastic b * * ch , and he had given her the lamest excuse possible . " We were just playing doctor , " he said , with a shaky laugh . Liliana began to walk the crowded streets of Paris , and that was when she found Criss , who , at the time , was a homeless mime . Johnny stayed in the apartment , and couldn 't get what had just happened out his mind . He felt awkward with this new situation . The woman that he loved with all his heart and soul was gone , maybe forever , but at the same time , the " plastic b * * ch , " as Liliana called her , was able to give him momentary pleasure and satisfaction , and although what he felt for her was not real love , she was like a mannequin , and she did what he wanted , which was very convenient for him . But what Johnny didn 't know was that Liliana had found a new character in this series of unfortunate events . She had found someone who had captivated her vision , not only with his tricks of magic , full of charm and illusion , and not to mention his penetrating eyes and his peculiar sense of humor . His identity was an enigma to her , so she decided to get a Little closer and become part of his audience for just one moment . He was no common mime ; he went beyond . He was unique . Mimes pretend to use a wide variety of invisible objects , and one of them was a chain that went from his eyes directly into Liliana 's heart . When the show was over , Liliana decided to get even closer to deposit a few coins in his cup , but when she bent down to do so , he grabbed her chin gently , and raised her head until their eyes met . Both stayed frozen as if time had stopped going by . They looked at each other , without being able to say one word , and at the same time they felt a warm sensation travel through their bodies . It was a feeling that Liliana had not experienced in a long time , not since Johnny 's attitude towards her had changed . Then he asked , " What is your name ? ' ' which left her even more impressed , because it was the first time she Heard someone speak English in France . At last she felt like she had found someone with whom she had something in common ; a new friend , even though she felt is was just a normal friendship , but the beginning of something bigger . There was something in his eyes ; something indescribable . Then she snapped out of her dream and said , " My name is Liliana . " He said , " Hey , you speak English too … ! Oh sorry , I 'm Criss , Criss Angel Sarantakos . Nice to meet you . " Liliana said , " Same here " Criss : so did you like the show ? ? Liliana : yes , yes ! it was very impressive . . . too bad that the folks around here don 't seem to appreciate it too much . Criss : yeah , you 're right , it 's tough out here . Liliana : then , may I ask why are you here , then ? Criss : well , i wanted to travel around the world , and become famous in many places . . . . but I guess I 'm gonna be known more as a homeless mime by the mean - eyed folks that live here . . . but at least you liked it . that 's all I need . * Liliana looks down and blushes * * Criss after a short pause * would you like to have a cup of coffee ? ? Liliana : Eh , I don 't know , I think I sWhen he came , Criss was about to freeze out of fear again because he still had problems communicating in French , and just as he was about to make a fool out of himself , Liliana surprised him by saying , " Apportez - nous un couple de cappuccinos , s ' il vous plait . " Criss stared at her in amazement . He couldn 't believe he was the one who carried the name of " Angel , " and yet he had just met a real angel , in the street of Paris . Such perfection , such beauty , such intelligence ; it was marvelous . But all that intimidated him at the same time . He felt that he wasn 't at her level , and started to feel uneasy . Criss 's expression changed entirely . Liliana asked , " Is there something wrong ? " and he said , " Ehhh , I 'm sorry , but there 's something I gotta do . See ya later . " and left the cafe in a rush . shuffled through the pictures one by one . It was like a dagger at the heart . Johnny , the love of her life , being with another woman . The tears began to come out her eyes . They fell from her cheeks and onto the photos . One by one , the pictures began to drench in Liliana 's sorrow . But then , Liliana heard a noise . It was the door . Someone was in the room ! And she didn 't get the feeling it was the landlord . She ran into the closet and stayed quiet . She tried to look was Johnny , laughing and joking around . But make no mistake ; he wasn 't drunk and talking to himself . No . He had that plastic b * * ch in his arms . He threw suffer . Then , a rush of adrenaline ran through her system . Jealousy began to take over her good common sense . She stormed out of the closet , grabbed a flower vase that was on a small table next to the bed , and hit Johnny on the head with it . The woman began to scream out of terror . Johnny wasn 't moving , and her Liliana stared at the scene in confusion . She still hadn 't grasped the seriousness of the situation . The screams of the plastic girl woke her up . Liliana she could do was think about what she had done . She hadn 't just killed anyone . She had killed Johnny Depp , a movie star ! It was a fact that the news were It was a juggler playing some fun tricks on the street . A small crowd had surrounded him and seemed to be very entertained by him . It could only be one person : Criss . She got up and ran towards the crowd . She tried to look over people 's heads , but she coudn 't get a good look . She began to push people aside and this gave her an idea . She realized she wasn 't far from the street where she had found Criss . She thought , " I 'll go look for him there , he might was trying not to lose hope . He was her only chance . He was also , just like he said , her only friend in the big and crowded streets of kept running and running . She had nothing to lose now . She had no husband , no place to live , no belongings , nothing , nothing but herself , and the hope of down for a few seconds . Then she came back to her own self and realized that those arms were still holding her . She turned around and looked up , in didn 't know what to do . She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time . He looked right into her eyes and said , " Hey , I told you the people here Criss giggled . Liliana was catching on to his sense of humor . That was a good sign , he thought . He said , " now that you mention it , I 'm right now ? " Criss looked down and said , " Oh , about that . I 'm sorry I left like that at the cafe this evening . It 's just that " interrupted him , " It 's just what ? You didn 't like it that a girl knows how to do something you don 't ? " Criss felt ashamed and said , for a moment . All of a sudden Liliana 's expression changed . She became serious and looked down at the floor . Criss was still talking and joking around , until he turned to look at her , and noticed that she wasn 't ok . " What 's wrong ? , " he asked . " Oh , don 't worry , it 's nothing , " she said . " No , it 's not ok . If it makes you look this sad then it 's got to be important . Please , tell me , " he said . what to say . The thought of his own reality came flying at full speed to his mind . He didn 't have a home either . He was used to sleeping on park benches said , " Really ? Are you sure it 's ok ? " Criss replied with a fake confidence , " Yeah , sure ! Let 's go , you must be freezing out and Criss arrived at the manor . Criss knocked on the door gently . But there was no response . He knocked again , but still , no one answered the door , until he said , " Criss , what are you doing here ? " Criss answered , " I need you to do a favor for me , please . See , this is my friend , Liliana . She même pas y penser ! " the old woman screamed . " No , no ! It 's not what you 're thinking ! We 'll pay you ! Umm , nous vous around quickly and said , " What ? You 're leaving ? Where ? " He stuttered , " Umm , well , you see , I got a different room , you know … " One could see in Liliana 's face that there was nothing she couldn 't see . " You 're lying , huh ? C ' mon , just tell me . You 're lying . " Criss felt cornered at this point and had no choice but to tell the truth . " Ok , fine . So I didn 't get a room . What 's the problem with that ? " " So then where are you going to sleep in ? " asked Liliana in confusion . " Nowhere , " he replied , " I got nowhere to go . I 'll just find myself a good spot down close by down the street . " Liliana sighed and said to him , " Why do you like to complicate things even more ? You can stay on that couch over there , " and she pointed to a small and dirty couch . It was yellow and covered in small red spots . It had some holes on it , but other than that , it could make for a good bed . " Eh , I don 't think so , " Said Criss . " But why not ? Don 't tell me the sidewalk 's hard and wet floor is more comfortable than this couch . C ' mon just lay on it . Besides , you were the one who paid for this , so it wouldn 't be fair that you didn 't take bed due to all the springs that were sticking out of it . Liliana took off her coat and hit the bed . She was exhausted . Criss looked at her from the couch . She was looking the other way . After a moment , she said , " What are you looking at ? " Criss said in an innocent voice , " What do you mean ? " She replied , " I know when someone is looking at me . I can feel it . " She turned around and said , do you wanna share half of the bed ? " Criss closed his eyes as if he wanted to fall asleep and get away from the world and said , " Nah , the couch is fine . Don 't worry . " She sat up on the bed and as she patted the bed with the palm of her hand , she said , " Aww come on . You know you 're not comfortable on that couch . Come on , I 'll look one way and you 'll look the other one . Deal ? " Criss didn 't know if he should , but that offer sure was tempting . He got up the bed and as if he was being finally turned off the lights . Each one of them curled on their edge of the bed . Liliana fell asleep like a rock as soon as the lights were off , but Criss just couldn 't close his eyes . They were wide open , like the eyes of a cat in the middle of the dark when it 's struck by a ray of light . He next . Then Liliana , in her sleep , turned around towards Criss and put her arm around him . Criss was in shock ! He didn 't move at all , He stayed like that The sunlight began to pour through the window onto Criss ' face . He growled and slowly began to wake up . He sat up on the bed and looked around . Liliana was nowhere to be found . He got a strange feeling in the gut . He didn 't know if it was amazement or worry or fear . A million things began to rush through his mind . " Could she have just left me like that ? Or , maybe her boyfriend found her here and took her back with him ? No , it can 't be , I would have heard Criss proceeded to get up from the bed . Just as he walks towards the door , the knob turns , stopping him in his tracks . The door opened . It was Liliana , pretty cool . " He paused for a moment . " Umm , at what time did you leave ? " Liliana began to put the groceries on the table , and said , " What question yet ? And besides , where did you get the money to buy all this stuff ? " Liliana smiled at him , and said , " Oh , don 't worry about it . " mysterious all of a sudden ? What 's going on ? ! " Liliana 's smile vanished from her face . She looked down and said , " I had some business to take Liliana was smiling at him again , this time , with a funny look on her face . Criss said in a loud voice , " What 's so funny ? ! " Liliana 's expression didn 't change . Then she said , " Aww , you were worried about me , weren 't you ? , " and winked at him . Criss 's face blushed until it turned as red as a tomato , and he stuttered , " Wha - what ? ! What are you talking about ? " It was obvious that he was lying through his teeth . Liliana , a very clever woman , never missed anything , and completely knew what was going on . " You don 't have to deny it . I actually appreciate your concern , " Liliana said , in a sweet voice . Criss calmed down , and looked at her in surprise for a moment . Then he grinned and said , " Umm , so … what 's for breakfast ? " Liliana giggled . " What ? What are you laughing about this time ? " Criss asked . " You 're so random and funny too ! I like that , " Liliana replied in a flattery voice . Then she said , " Ok , then , so what do you want me to make for breakfast ? " Criss said , " I looked at her . Then , Liliana added some more , " I went to get some money and a couple of changes . The clothes are in those bags over there . " Criss took a sip of his coffee and said , " But you should have told me . " " I 'm sorry , " said Liliana . " Was there anyone home when you got departed from the building . The old lady stood in the doorway and cheerfully waved at Liliana . Then Criss turned around and looked at the old woman , who made a whatsoever . They walked for a little while , without saying one word . Then Liliana stopped , and said to Criss , " Well , aren 't you supposed to go to work or something ? " Criss replied , " Well , now that you mention it , yeah I have to go to work . " Then Criss froze as he noticed how Liliana was staring at him . She said , " Aren 't you tired of your job ? I mean , it 's not even a real job . I know you had a dream of becoming famous in this country , but on a serious face . The tone of his voice became serious as well . " That is not my real job , " he said . Liliana said , " What do you mean ? I saw you do those tricks on the street yesterday . " That is just a facade , " said Criss . " Then , the whole mime thing is just a hobby ? " asked in trying to figure out this mess . " It 's a facade for my real job , " Criss finally admitted . Liliana was surprised . She didn 't expect any surprises from a guy like Criss , who seemed to be an honest and timid person . Still , she hadn 't found out the whole truth . " Do you really want to know you sure you wanna know ? Remember , there will be no turning back once you learn the truth , " he said , still talking in that scary voice . Liliana began to " I 'm positive . Just tell me , it can 't be that bad , is it ? , " liliana finally said . " Well then , " he said in an authoritative way , began to walk and Liliana just followed . He wasn 't talking , and had a serious look on his face , similar to that of a sphinx . Liliana then asked in a low voice , " Umm , Criss , where are you taking me ? " " You 'll see . Just keep walking , " he answered , without even turning his head to look at thought . Then she said , " Umm , I don 't know , I 've never really thought about it . Why do you ask ? " " You 'll see , just wait a little bit Once again , Liliana felt worried , but this time even worse . Her heart began to beat faster and faster . She didn 't know if she should keep following she asked him , " Oh really ? And why is it your favorite one ? " He put on that freaky smile of his again and said , " Because you get to wear Criss and Liliana arrived at a storage in a lonely part of town . Criss opened the lock on the door and took the chain out . Then he opened the big blue doors , and said , " Well , come on in . " Liliana was just standing there , and didn 't move . " Oh c ' mon , what are you afraid of ? " he asked sarcastically . " Well , I got my reasons to doubt you , you know . You 've been acting very strange the whole morning , it 's like you 're a different person from the man I met yesterday , " she said . Criss looked down and swallowed . Then he looked at her and said , " I 'm sorry , it 's just that … you 're the first one to know my secret . " Liliana began to feel that the Criss that she had met at first was coming back , but there was still something wrong . Criss then tried to reach to her with his right hand . She looked at his hand for a moment with a sense of suspicion . Finally she gave in , and held his hand , and they both went inside the dark and damp storage . They walked for a little while , and then stopped . Criss whispered , " Stay here . I 'll be right back . Don 't move from here , ok ? " and he left quickly . Liliana began to get the chills all through her body , as she looked around her in the middle of the darkness . Then the lights turned on , one by one . Criss came back running and said , " Ok , let 's go . " " Go where ? , " she said . Criss held her hand , smiled at her , and said , " Follow me . " They walked some more into the huge storage . There was a great amount of garbage scattered all around . Suddenly , Criss said , " Stop . " Liliana waited for him to unlock a metal blue door . They entered the room . It was a locker room . Everything seemed to be normal , until Criss went and opened one of the lockers and took a big black bag out of it . It was a plastic bag with a hanger coming out of it . Obviously , it was some kind of outfit . Criss showed it to Liliana and said , " Look , " as he took the clothes out of the bag . The outfit seemed to be some kind of uniform . It was royal blue , and it included some kind of hat . Criss put the outfit which was still hanging from the hanger onto his chest and said , " What do you think ? Does it look good on me ? " Liliana was extremely confused at this point . She had no words to describe what was going on . Then she said , " Well , I don 't know . Are you planning to put it on ? Is that the uniform for your real job ? " " More or less , " he said . " Well then , is it ? " Liliana asked . " Soon , my dear , you will find the answer to all your questions , but in the meantime … " he said as he went to get another outfit from another closet , " put on this outfit . It should look great on you . " He gave the bag to Liliana , and she barely held it with her fingers . She didn 't understand what she was getting herself into . Now she regretted not having run away while she still had the chance . But that was then , and this was now , and she had no choice but to go along . Criss left Liliana in the locker room so she could change her clothes in privacy , while he changed his outside the room . When Liliana took the clothes out of the bag , she told herself , " No way , no way ! " Criss finished putting the uniform on , and as he pulled up his zipper , Liliana opened the door . Criss looked at her , and said , " Wow , looking good . " Liliana looked mad . She said in a loud voice , " There better be a good reason for making me wear these clothes ! " Criss said calmly , " There is . " She shouted , " Well , I demand to know right now ! " Her outfit consisted of a long black dress with small diamonds embedded on the lower part of the dress and a black hat with some black feathers on top as well . It wasn 't exactly embarrassing , but it was just too elegant for her taste . She thought , " How come I 'm wearing a very expensive dress while he 's wearing that ugly uniform ? " The answer was closer than she thought . Criss and Liliana walked out of the storage . Criss locked the gate behind him and said , " Liliana , head to the nearest bank . You know where the JP Morgan Chase Bank is , right ? " Liliana said , " Yeah , but … " Criss interrupted her , " OK , go there immediately ; I 'll meet you there soon . " " But where are you going ? What are you gonna do ? " she asked in a frightened tone . " Don 't worry ; just wait for me there , ok ? He said . The tone of his voice reflected the urge he had to leave right away . Criss left in the opposite direction and turned around a wall . Liliana , looked at him as he ran away , trying to decide if she should do what he has said or not . And , just like the last couple of times , she ended up following his directions . She hurried to the bank . People looked at her and mumbled with one another . They probably were asking themselves who was that rich woman and where she was going . When she finally arrived to the bank , she walked in , and found a chair where to sit . Suddenly , she heard a phone ringing . The sound was nearby , and no one seemed to pick up any phone . She knew it wasn 't her , since she had left her cell phone at Johnny 's apartment . The ringing kept going . She thought , " Well , there can 't be any pockets on this dress now , can it ? " and as she searched with her hand around the dress she fell a small part that was different from the other material from which the dress was made from . She examined it , and realized it was a very small zipper . She opened it and inspected inside that pocket . To her surprise , there was a small cell phone inside . She quickly took it out and answered it . " Hello ? " she said . " Stand in line , " a mysterious voice said . " Who is this ? Is it you Criss ? " she asked loudly , since she could barely hear due to all the people that were talking and passing by around her . " Lower you voice , " He said , " and don 't say my name out loud . Now please do as I say and stand in line , I 'm almost there . " " But - - , " she said , but the call was dropped . She tried to redial but the number turned out to be private . She had no choice . She had come this far , and had finally understood what Criss had said earlier about not being able to turn back . She rose from the chair and walked towards one of the lines . There she waited for about five minutes , constantly checking her watch . Then , she turned around to look at the door to see if he was coming . She didn 't see him . Outside the bank , a van had parked almost in front of the entrance . A man in a uniform came out of it , and walked into the bank , looking down and holding a packet of papers which seemed to be bank receipts with his left hand , and a big black sack hanging from his right one . He walked through the front door . Liliana felt a cold wind blowing from behind as the main door opened . Deppangel Liliana was about to turn around to see who had come into the bank , but her movement was stopped by a man 's voice that came from behind saying calmly but firmly , " Don 't move . " " Is it you , Criss ? " she thought . The man put a small piece of paper in her hand , and then left , passing right by her right side . Judging by the suit he was wearing , it seemed to be Criss . She stood there , frozen , until he disappeared into the crowd . She took a look at the paper . It said , " If I were you , I would walk towards the main door . " Liliana said to herself , " This is my chance ! " She had no idea what Criss was up to , but it seemed that now that he had given her " permission " to get close to the door she would be able to escape . She rushed to the door , and just as she was about to get there , a man in a black suit and barely putting a mask on broke in pointing a gun at everyone . Liliana froze . The man took advantage of this and took her hostage . He used her as a shield from the security guards . The guards just pointed their guns at him without shooting , fearing that they would hurt Liliana . Then , a really loud noise was heard from inside the bank . It sounded like an explosion . The criminal let go of Liliana and told her to run towards the counters where the employees were , pointing the gun at her to make sure she ran as fast as she could . Liliana turn his back on him and began to run as fast as she could . Then , she heard a huge " Boom ! " and she fell to the floor . She was partially unconscious . All she could hear were the screams from the people running around her . Her eyes would open and close over and over again . Every time she opened them , the vision of people lying on the floor struck her eyes . Until he felt someone grab her from behind and say , " It 's ok , just hang in there . " That was the last thing she remembered . " Ahh ! , " she screamed , as her whole body jumped on the van 's co - pilot seat . She looked out the window and saw the buildings pass her by really fast , which made her head spin . She closed her eyes for a moment , trying not to faint again , and then she looked to her right . Her eyes open as wide as they could . It was Criss ! He was the one driving the van ! Her hands began to shake , and in a desperate voice she said , " What 's going on ! ? What did you do ? ! " " Don 't worry , " he said , as he smiled at her . He seemed to be very calm . " Where are we going , " she asked , still with a little weakness in her voice . " It 's ok , just rest for now , " he said , without taking his eyes off the road . " But I don 't wanna rest ! I want to know what 's going on ! " she demandeNext Topic >> |
Month : April 2017 Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 7 - " That was fun ! " Lucas said to Glory on their way back to her place . He was driving ; he had noticed early in the evening that Glory was enjoying her wine , so he stopped drinking so that he could get them home . " It definitely went much better than I thought it would . " Glory said . " Mom was in good form tonight . She 's usually really hard on Jeff and whomever I 'm dating . Holly said Jeff was working , but he was probably avoiding mom . " " It has everything to do with my dad leaving . Mom has real trust issues around men . She doesn 't even date anymore . " Glory shrugged . Her mom had always been tight - lipped about her dad 's leaving … Glory had woken up one day and he was just gone . Glory smiled at him . " Maybe … or maybe your celebrity status made her a little shy of giving you a hard time . " she said . She was turned sideways in her seat so she could watch him drive . " Well , she didn 't actually ask where I was staying , just where I stayed when I was in Toronto , so I wasn 't lying . I do usually stay at the Crowne Plaza , as you know . " Lucas said . Lucas shrugged . " I love kids . They 're so honest and present . And they love nothing more than having a grown - up to play with … and I love to play ! I 'm just a big kid at heart . " " I guess I 'm not the nurturing type . I like kids , but I 'm not longing for a family of my own . That might change in time , but right now , I 'm happy to do my own thing without those kinds of responsibilities . " Glory said . " I see Diana and Mitch and how they are now that they have Kelsey … I 'm not ready for that . " It was Lucas ' turn to be silent for a moment . Then he shrugged . He still had no idea how serious this was going to get , so there was no point sweating this now . Even if they did end up together , they were years away from kids . Who knew what might happen in that time ? " Thank you so much for today . Not just the signing and helping out at the art show , but being there for me at dinner . " Glory said , taking a sip of her beer . " That 's how I lure young girls in . " Lucas said , in a teasing voice . " I 'm sweet and nice and then I take you to bed and you see my true nature . " Glory screamed with laughter and tried to push him away long enough to put her beer down . " Stop ! Stop ! I 'm going to spill my beer ! " she pleaded . Lucas plucked her beer neatly from her hands and put it down next to his . " So tell , me … what were you giggling about ? " He had both of her hands held tight in one of his , leaving his other hand free to tickle her if he didn 't like her answer . Glory felt herself start to panic as she always did when she was trapped . She stiffened , but held his eyes to keep the panic at bay . " Your true nature , eh ? What is your true nature , movie - boy ? " she said with more bravado than she felt . Glory giggled again . " Yes , I do … that 's why I giggled . " and tried to pull away before he could start tickling her again , but to no avail . He pinned her to the couch underneath him , still tickling her and kissing and licking her face . " Wow ! It 's been a long time since I 've made out on a couch . " Lucas said . " Should I go grab a condom , or move this to the bedroom ? " " Just shutting down for the night . " he said , pulling his sweater off over his head and undoing his belt before slipping out of his pants . " Are you keeping my side warm for me ? I hate getting in to a cold bed . " " Well , my side is warm . " she said , suggestively . Lucas came around to her side and slid in beside her , running his cold hands up her side to her breasts and kissing her deeply . She rolled over so that she was on top of him . Glory sat up and reached over to the side table for a condom . She sat so that she could unrolled the condom slowly over him . Lucas watched this performance intently , trying to keep himself from throwing her over onto her back and fucking her . He loved the play , the tease , but sometimes it got to be too much . Once she had him well protected , she lifted herself to slide down his length and took him deep inside of her with a moan . She leaned forward with her hands on his shoulders so that she could slowly move him in and out of her . She kissed him deeply and he held her ass with both of his hands , helping to raise her all of the way off of him before letting her plunge back down . " My goddess . " he said , replacing her hands with his on her breasts . " Come for me . " he whispered and let one hand drop down between her legs . Glory had been so close that his touch brought her orgasm slamming down on her . She pulled her legs in tight trying to contain the pleasure as she spasmed around him . He gritted his teeth as he let her feel the full extent of her orgasm before flipping her over onto her back and thrusting into her hard for his own climax . They lay like that for a few minutes , helplessly lost in the pleasure . Lucas rolled off , holding his condom , and reached for tissues , then pulled her in close beside him , smoothing her hair away from his face … and he felt it again . That tenderness and caring ; that stillness and peace that he associated with love . But even after all that they 'd done this weekend so far , he wasn 't ready to speak of this feeling to her yet . He still didn 't think she was ready to hear it , or was feeling it herself yet … maybe she never would . He fell in love too easily ; he knew that about himself . But that was him and he wasn 't about to change . He had spoken the words too soon on a few occasions to his great detriment , so he was very careful about that now . Until he saw some indication that she felt the same way about him , he 'd keep his council . Sunday was a quiet day . They woke late and kept each other in bed for an extra hour making love and talking . After a quick shower , Glory took Lucas through her yoga practise , offering some options that might work better for him than what she did . She had been doing yoga for a long time so she didn 't expect him to be able to do some of the more difficult poses , but he did surprise her . His core strength was up to most of what she did , even if he 'd have to work on his flexibility . They lay for a long time in Savasana . When Glory sat up , Lucas was still enjoying the peaceful quiet . He heard her soft voice say , " Stay there as long as you need to , babe . " When Glory was finished , she quietly got up and moved into the bedroom . She had some stuff to get organized for the work week and some emails to respond to . When she poked her head back out into the living room , she saw that Lucas was sitting cross - legged on his mat , so she sat back down on hers to finish their yoga session . " That which is divine in me sees and honours that which is divine in you . It 's a word spoken between two peoples ' souls . " Glory said . Lucas nodded and got to his feet , offering Glory a hand up , which she took . After cleaning and rolling the matts away , Glory fixed them bacon and eggs for breakfast . " Not exactly Ayurvedic , but I never claimed to be a yogini . " " Yeah , for a while … but I love meat . I try to buy from organic , sustainable , humane sources and I try to eat vegetarian once in a while , but not all the time . " he said , putting a forkful of eggs into his mouth . " I try for one veggie meal a week … or more . It 's easier to cook veggie for one person than to cook meat , but I still like my meat . " Glory said . " I did start painting at home . It 's really meditative for me . I never realized how peaceful it would be , being creative like that . " he said , finishing his coffee . " Everyone , as in who ? And what 's there to tell ? " Glory was very surprised that he would show this much interest in her when they weren 't together . " Just a couple of my close friends and my family . Well , Greg and Shana already knew , but I told my mom , and my other sister , Becky . Does that bother you ? I was really surprised to hear that you hadn 't told anyone about us . " he countered . " Again , I 'm still not sure what to tell them . And I 'm not sure I 'm even ready to define this as anything yet . We get together when you come to Toronto … that 's it , isn 't it ? " she asked . " Yeah , that 's all it is for right now . I do really like you , though . Can I hope for something more someday ? " he asked , focusing his eyes on his canvas . Glory stood next to him taking in all of the nuances of his painting . It was abstract , but she could sense the stillness of the water reflecting the intrusion of a new day . The fire radiated from the surface of the water out to the corners of the canvas . He had a very good eye and expressed himself well with paints . Lucas stepped over to see what Glory had painted . It was him . The blue of his eyes , the reddish tinge in his beard , the black marker he used to sign autographs . " I wanted to capture the essence of what a fan feels when they come to you for an autograph ; there 's such anticipation and joy , but fear , too , which you seem to ease with your smile and your twinkling eyes . " She pointed to different areas of the canvas as she spoke . " I watched you yesterday . You almost have it down to an art . You take control of the situation and put everyone at their ease . It 's a joy to watch you work . " Glory was looking up at him as she spoke . She had to admit that she was still a little bit in awe of this beautiful man . Lucas felt a blush start to burn up his neck . " That 's not really watching me work . Someday , I 'll bring you on - set for one of my movies and you can watch me do my real job . " he said . " This is part of being a celebrity , not part of being an actor . " " Well , maybe a little . " Lucas said with a little laugh . He came around behind her and put his arms around her to get a better view of her painting . " You 've never asked me for an autograph . " he said , trying to sound blasé . She took both of his paint - stained hands and placed them on her breasts . " I can think of better uses for these hands than signing silly pictures . " she said in a husky voice . Once they had finished cleaning up , though , the moment had passed and Glory suggested a walk by the ravine near her apartment . " It was still pretty dry down by the creek earlier this week , but if it 's wet , there 's a high trail we can take . " she said . " I 'm feeling the urge to be outdoors now that spring is finally here . " " Let 's do it . " Lucas said . He had brought a pair of rougher boots along with his sneakers . They were a fashion choice , but they were leather and a better choice for a walk by the ravine than his Converse . Glory shrugged . " There 's always hope , babe . I really like you , too , but there is the matter of us living almost 4 , 000 kilometers away from each other . " she said . " Makes having a relationship pretty challenging . " " Even that 's almost a thousand kilometers away . " she said . " Let 's face it , if we were going to have something more than this , one of us would have to relocate … and I can 't see it being you . " " Me , too . " Lucas said , with a little chuckle . " So I guess that leaves us right where we are . Maybe you could come and visit me in Boston when I 'm there … if you want to . " " I 've never been to Boston . That might be a fun way to spend a weekend this summer . " Glory said , mulling the idea over in her mind . " Yeah , let 's plan on that . " she said . " Okay ! Well , that 's a start . " Lucas said , not able to keep his pleasure off of his face . He put his arm over her shoulders and they kept walking . " There 's nothing stopping us from painting some more when we get back . I have good lighting in that area , so even when the sun goes down … " Glory said . " There 's nights when I come home from work and look up to see it 's midnight and I haven 't even eaten dinner yet ! " And so , when they got back to the apartment , Lucas set himself up to paint again while Glory made them some chili for supper . She had poured everything out on canvas that she needed to and now felt light and empty and not in need of the therapy that a canvas and brush offered her . She found that when she tried to paint when she was like this , nothing happened . She watched Lucas from the kitchen , dashing off a few lines on his canvas with charcoal before starting to mix colours on his palette . His brush strokes were sometimes bold and sure , and other times tentative and halting . He asked Glory to help him get a particular shade that he was looking for right once , but spent the rest of the time in his own little creative world . " Chili 's ready , isn 't it ? " Lucas asked . " I can smell it . " He didn 't stop what he was doing or look at her . " Give me … 10 more minutes . I just want to finish this … thing . " He pointed his paintbrush at the area of the canvas he was working on . Then he turned towards her and gave her a quick kiss before turning back and placing his brush on the canvas . Lucas nodded and sat down at the table . There was chili and bread and sour cream and cheese . The chili wasn 't very spicy hot , but it was wonderfully flavourful . When Lucas commented on the lack of heat , Glory said , " I don 't really like hot stuff . It burns your taste buds out so that eventually you can 't taste the more subtle spices . " " I can see the stream and the early vegetation there . " she said , pointing to the pale green that is only seen in the early spring . " What 's this , flickering through the trees up here ? " she asked . Lucas watched her beautiful ass as she walked away from him and smiled . How could she do that ? Turn him on with a look and a smile like that ? Lucas leaned against the doorframe to take in the tableau before him . On the bedside table was a bowl of berries and a bowl of whipped cream . This was a game he hadn 't played in a very long time . " Very good . Maybe when you 're in Boston , I 'll show you just how good . " He pushed off from the doorframe and came over to her side of the bed , running two fingers through the top of the whipped cream , and kneeling beside the bed , offered them to her to lick off . He fully expected the jolt of pleasure to his groin , but he still gasped when he felt her tongue start to lick the sweet cream from his fingers . When she was done , she gave him an innocent smile and he shook his head . He ran a finger through the whipped cream again , this time depositing it on one of her nipples . She hadn 't been expecting that and squeaked in surprise as the coldness made her areola pucker . But it wasn 't cold for long as Lucas dipped his head to take her nipple into his mouth , lingering there long after the taste of whipped cream was gone . Lucas chuckled , which sounded like thunder rumbling through his chest . " I don 't know about better … that was pretty good … but it is nice with the berries . But it has to be the real deal , though , not some domestic bubbly . " Glory smiled . Every once in a while , she still found herself thrilling to the fact that this was Lucas Wolfe and he thought she was pretty impressive ! She had just made love to Lucas Wolfe and made him chili and taught him how to do yoga . She was a part of his life … his Toronto girl . It gave her a warm glow . Most of the time , it was easy to see him as just a guy , but every once in a while … The next day was Monday , and she had to work . Lucas had lined up several locations that he needed to take a look at and he had an appointment at city hall to talk about the perks being offered film companies for filming in Toronto and area . Glory already had their dinner planned and would set up the crockpot in the morning so that they 'd just have to come home and eat . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceApril 26 , 20174 , 622 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 6 - Art Show Glory was up early the next morning , but she didn 't get up . She was nervous and anxious and what she needed was the slow , sensual lovemaking that Lucas was so good at . When they were done and he had her cradled in his arms , she felt like she owned the world ! Glory had an image that she liked to project of herself when she was ' playing ' the artist at her shows . She put on a pair of tights and a filmy , multi - layered top in shades of aqua and green and she finished the outfit with a long vest . The colours and the flow of the fabric made her feel connected and grounded and in the perfect frame of mind to talk to people about her art . " It 's got a nice flow to it ; let 's me feel free to express myself more easily . " Glory said , stroking his beard and kissing him sweetly before turning away to put on some make - up . She never wore much make - up and she didn 't make exceptions for art shows . With Lucas coming to the art show , Glory was even more anxious than usual before a show . She sat down cross - legged on the floor to try to still her mind for a few minutes . She opened her eyes to see that Lucas was doing the same thing . " Do you have any mantras that you use to meditate to ? I usually let the energy flow through the chakras until it 's flowing unimpeded . " Glory said . She wasn 't sure if he did yoga or not , but she had read somewhere that he did meditate . So Glory talked about the chakras as they sat together ; the position of each , what systems in the body they affected , and what they felt like when they were open . Lucas found her voice mesmerizing as she spoke and was focusing more on the sound than on her words . They sat quietly after she stopped talking for some time settling their minds and getting to a point of ease with the tasks ahead . " No , no yoga . " Lucas said . " I 've always wanted to try it , but never have . So , yes , I 'd love to do it with you . " Desirée met them at the yacht club and they went around and met the rest of the artists . Marion had her booth set up next to Glory 's and came over to meet Lucas and chat with Glory about her set up . Glory ended up moving a couple of paintings at Marion 's suggestion and Lucas had to admit that the changes were for the better . Finally , Miguel , who was a photographer , sent Glory in to stand near Lucas for a few shots . They sat together talking for a couple of shots , then Lucas stood up behind Glory with his hands on her shoulders and leaned in as if to listen to something she said . After that , Lucas pulled Glory out from behind the table and put his arms around her as though they were dancing . He held her mesmerized with his piercing blue gaze . When Miguel stopped shooting , Lucas gave Glory a quick squeeze before going to see what the pictures looked like . " You 're a natural in front of the camera , " Miguel said . " and so is Glory . You guys made it easy . I just had to point and shoot ! " " Well , I 've had lots of practise . " Lucas said , flipping through the pictures again . " Can I get you to blow this one up for me and mount it ? " he asked , showing Miguel one of the dancing pictures . " Let 's talk afterwards . " Lucas said . He could see the look of concern on Glory 's face around having her picture up on display in Miguel 's collection . " Like I said , lots of practise . It gets easy after a while . It was fun to call the shots , though . I don 't get to do that very often . That dancing picture will look great up in my house in LA . " Lucas said . " You know , if you 're not comfortable with Miguel adding it to his collection , maybe he could blur the faces . That would definitely give it more of an artistic feel . " Glory thought about that for a moment . " We 'll talk to him after the show and see what his intentions are around that one . Looks like the doors are about to open . Are you ready ? " Glory said . Lucas held up a handful of Sharpies and smiled . Holly came over then and hugged Glory and shook Lucas ' hand . " Mom 's on a bit of a warpath about you not bringing Lucas to dinner last night . " Holly said . And that was the last they were able to talk as the doors opened and crowds of people made a bee - line to see Lucas . Desirée had been very canny in how she had set things up , though . As people were waiting to meet Lucas , there were booths all the way around that they could go into . Glory watched Lucas as he greeted people , laughing and chatting comfortably with everyone . He put his focus on each person , making them feel special for that moment in time that they had with him . He was a joy to watch work . " Hi , mom ; Aunt Claire . " Holly said . " This is Lucas Wolfe . You remember us talking about meeting him before Christmas . " Lucas gave a little wave as he was still talking to a couple of other people . " Hi Claire … " He shook Glory 's aunt 's hand and then realized that he didn 't know her mom 's name ! " and Mrs . Campbell . " He extended his hand to shake Glory 's mom 's hand . " So formal ! " she said , with a smile . " You can call me Beth . " She shook his hand firmly . " These prints turned out really well ! " Beth had picked up one of the prints from the table and held it up to compare it with the original . " They did . " Glory said , coming up behind her mom and giving her a hug . " Marion 's printer is pretty well respected , and I can see why . " It took a minute to clear everyone from in front of the table , but they managed to get several great shots of all 4 of them with Lucas . In all of them , Glory was next to Lucas and Miguel could see a very nice bond there . The little touches , fond looks , and caring attitude came through in all of the pictures . " I 'll send these to you , Glory . You can let me know if you want any of them blown up or fixed up , okay ? " Miguel said before heading back to his booth . Lucas looked over at Glory , but she was busy with another customer . He could see that several of her smaller paintings were gone from the scaffolding and he smiled . A good day all around ! Then another group of people came for autographs and he lost himself in the job of signing and promoting Glory 's work . A glass of white wine appeared next to him and he looked up to see Glory standing there with her own glass . " You looked like you could use it . " she said , and held her glass out to him to toast . Lucas took a sip and closed his eyes to savour the taste . It wasn 't the best wine , but it wasn 't bad either … like he was any kind of wine connoisseur ! It was wet and had alcohol in it … that 's all that mattered to him at that moment . Lucas smiled at her and stretched out his hand . " I signed a lot of prints . How did we do , Holly ? " he asked , looking over at Holly , who was counting money . " Well , we had 200 prints and it looks like we 've only got about 50 left . And Glory , you sold 5 paintings ! That 's great ! " Holly said . " And I 've got a buyer interested in that one . " Glory said , pointing to one of her bigger pieces . " He didn 't want to take it with him today , but I 've got his number , so I 'll connect with him next week . " Lucas smiled up at her . What he wanted to do is to take her in his arms and kiss her , but he could see her mom and aunt still talking to Desirée , so he restrained himself . But he did stand up and give her a hug . " Thank you so much for doing this , Lucas . You probably drew a lot of people in that wouldn 't have otherwise come . " Glory said , not letting him go . " Glad I could help . " he said , pulling away and looking her in the eye . Holly had moved off to let Desirée know how much they had raised with the prints . Beth came up then and claimed Glory for a hug . " Congratulations , darling ! You did so well ! " Beth looked up to see that the Matt Hunter painting was still there . " You didn 't sell this one ? I thought I heard someone asking about it . " " That one 's mine . " Lucas said , quickly . " I don 't have a spot for it , yet , so I 'm leaving it with Glory until I do . " After a few minutes , Lucas excused himself to go over and talk to Miguel about their pictures . Miguel had loaded the photos onto his computer so that they could look at them in detail . They chatted about a few of them and Lucas settled with him on the shot he wanted , then he waved Glory over . " How 's that look ? " Miguel asked Glory . " If you think we need to blur it as well , I can do that , but all you can see now is the edge of your jawline . " " What do you think , Miguel ? " Glory asked . " I don 't want to screw up your shot … I 'm just not sure I want my face up at all of your exhibits . " " I like it with the shadow . " Miguel said . " Lucas ' face is well known , but to have his dance partner be a mystery works well for me . " " Of course . " Miguel said . " Here , let me revert to the original shot . " He clicked a few buttons in Photoshop to bring back the original picture and Glory gasped when it came up . It wasn 't only Lucas ' look that was breathtaking , but hers as well ! " I already did . " Lucas said and put his finger across her mouth when she started to protest again . " Don 't argue with Captain Hunter , remember ? " She smiled and kissed his finger before he pulled it away . " Let 's go and get everything packed up . Diana just got here , so we 'll be going for dinner soon . " Glory said . It didn 't take them long to pack up . Diana came over with Kelsey , who she gladly relinquished to Lucas when he reached for her . He seemed very comfortable holding a baby and Kelsey seemed to like him , too . She was a pretty good baby , but she did tend to get fussy when she was passed to strangers , but not Lucas ! " I 'm still a kid myself . " Lucas said in explanation . " Babies seem to sense that about me , I guess . " He turned back to Kelsey and started making faces at her . " Let 's see how things go . " Glory said . " I may need to keep my wits about me , but thank you . That 's really sweet of you . " " No problem , babe . " he said , settling back for the ride . " It 's the least I could do . Today was a lot of fun . " Glory smiled . It had been a wonderful day . That seemed to be how all of her days with Lucas went . " Always , when you 're around . " she said , quietly . " That would be nice . " She was at a red light , so she looked over at him and he leaned over to give her a quick kiss . The restaurant parking lot was just past the light , so Glory pulled in next to her mom 's car and squeezed Lucas ' hand saying , " Here goes nothing … " " We are , indeed , my dear . " Glory answered , stretching up to give him a quick kiss on the lips . She remembered too late what Lucas had said about always being recognized in airports and pulled back . " Come on . " he said for her ears only . " Let 's get out of here so I can kiss you properly . " He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the doors . Lucas laughed . " You should still check the seats for scorch marks . " he said , jokingly . He gathered her into his arms , rhythmically stroking her back . " I was very surprised to hear that you hadn 't told anyone about me , about our sexual relationship , about our friendship , even . Most girls can 't wait to tell everyone they know that they 've slept with me . " Lucas said , quietly . Glory shrugged . " It 's pretty cliché to say , but I 'm not like most girls . It felt nice to have this thing with you that I didn 't have to share with anyone else . That was at first , anyway . But then , as time went on , it became harder and harder to tell people … " she said , letting her voice trail off . " And have we kept in touch since November ? What did you tell your family ? " Lucas asked . If he was playing a role on Saturday , he wanted all the pieces of the character . " I said we 'd been in touch a few times … the odd text , a couple of phone calls … but that was it until this weekend . " Glory said . " I 'm sorry … I shouldn 't ask you to lie . I should come clean with everyone and have done with it . " " Don 't worry about it . I just want to make sure I don 't put my foot in it on Saturday . " Lucas said , still stroking her back . " I 'd call it dating … nothing serious yet , but definitely two people who are interested in each other . " Lucas offered . Glory was quiet for a long time , thinking about how best to deal with her family . So they went and pulled together dinner . They lingered a long time over the wine , laughing and chatting about everything from painting to art to music to current affairs . Afterwards , they cuddled on the couch watching some mindless TV and still talking until Glory started to yawn . " I 'm sorry , babe . " Lucas said , shaking his head . " I wasn 't thinking … I 'm still on west coast time , but you must be beat ! " Glory had taken the next day off work so that she could prepare for the show . She had the prints to pick up and they could go in and set up her booth that afternoon . Desirée had almost lost her mind when Glory told her about Lucas and his idea to raise funds for their chosen charity . " And you never told me ? How long have you known him ? " She and Desirée were pretty close for co - workers … Glory should have told her back in November . " We met in November … remember that girl 's night out I did with my cousin … her first night out after the baby ? " Desirée nodded . " That weekend . " " No , nothing like that . " Glory lied . " Just friends , but I think he 's interested . It 's tough with him in LA and me here . " " True . Well , that will be so cool ! Did you get the prints ordered yet ? We can put a table in front of your booth , maybe . We can look at the logistics on Friday when you come to set up . " Desirée said , making changes to her floor plan in her head as she spoke . After that , Glory had spoken to Marion , her mentor . Marion had recommended her printer and Glory was able to get the prints ordered . She would have to bring the original painting in that night , Tuesday , but he seemed confident that he could have them done by Friday afternoon . Lucas came out an hour and a half later looking for her . He was wearing just his boxers . He stood behind her at the computer , watching her as she worked . " This is what a commercial artist does ? " he asked . Shower sex was always fun with Lucas ! His strength made almost any position they tried easy ! And holding his body against hers under the streaming water afterwards was a perfect way to start a day , Glory thought , breathing deeply of the steamy air and trying to catch her breath . " Well , we have to load up my car with the paintings that I 'm going to display and then make a stop at the printers to pick up the prints . By then , we should be able to get into the yacht club to start setting up . " she said , counting off on her fingers . " The prints should be ready by noon , so we can go there anytime , and Desirée said she 'd be at the yacht club setting up all afternoon . " Glory laughed . " That takes care of your part of it , anyway ! I 've got a cash box and I picked up some change for a float from the bank . I 've done up some posters on my computer … I 'm going to load them onto a stick and see if the printer can print them on 12 by 18 stock for me . " She was still going over what she needed in her mind . " I never realized how much would go into an art show . " Lucas said . " You let me know what you need me to do to help out . " He raised an eyebrow at her until she nodded , then he finished his coffee and said , " Are your paintings ready to go out to the car now ? I could start taking them down . " Glory took him over to the stack of paintings she had leaning against the wall . She had already wrapped them each in burlap to protect them on the drive down , so Lucas started taking them down to her car as she cleaned up the kitchen . She pulled out the cash box which had the name plates and pricing for each of the paintings in it and went to change . The space that had been set up for them was bigger than Glory had expected , but she used the scaffolding to hang the paintings up , and she had invested in a few spot lights to highlight her best pieces . The main one being highlighted the next day would be her Matt Hunter piece . In the end , she did have a few paintings that she didn 't put up and kept in reserve . If she sold something that was up , she would have another one to take its place . " Yeah . He said that was a fun night . He usually doesn 't get recognized , especially when he 's with me , so he 'll remember you guys for a while . " Lucas said with a little chuckle . " Wow ! " Holly said . " Well , tell him we had fun , too . " Then she excused herself to go and see if Desirée needed any help with anything . " For now , anyway . " she said , looking up at him . Suddenly , all she wanted to do was feel those wonderfully soft lips on hers . She reached up and caressed his beard , which surprised him . She was thinking and thinking hard . She didn 't like hiding , especially with her sister . If she took flack for this relationship , then she 'd rather take it now than later . " No , better just me . " Glory said and gave him a little push towards the door . She could see that Desirée was waiting for him by the truck with a couple more cases of wine . " Okay , so we 're more than just friends . I went back to the hotel that night and we played cards , then we slept together , then we made love . I stayed the weekend , and it was wonderful . We 've kept in touch and he had a stop over here in January and we spent the night together . And he is staying at my place this weekend . " Glory spoke quickly before she lost her nerve . " No … maybe … I don 't think so . I think I 'm just his Toronto girl . We haven 't talked about being exclusive or anything like that , so I 'm not deluding myself that I 'm his only girl . " Glory said , stumbling over her words a little bit . " What kind of relationship can you hope to have with a guy like that ? Long distance to be sure . His Toronto girl ? Come on Glor … you 're better than that . " Holly said , pleadingly . Glory thought about that for a minute . " I am . And when I 'm ready to have another serious relationship , I 'm sure whatever this is won 't be enough . But after Brad , I 'm ready to take a break and be really casual for a while . " she said , flicking on the spots to make sure that they all worked and starting to place them on the scaffolding , carefully aiming them . Glory smiled and followed Holly 's eye out the window . " He 's sweet and fun to be with , too . " she said with a tender look out the window . Holly turned back to Glory and gave her a hug . " Just be careful , eh ? Don 't let him stomp on your heart or anything . And be safe . " Glory smiled at her little sister . Why was it that she so often felt like the younger one in their relationship ? " I 'm always careful and safe is my middle name . Don 't worry about me . " She pulled Holly in for another hug . It was such a relief to have one person in the world to be able to talk to about Lucas ! " I begged off because Lucas is here . I 'm not sure I 'm ready for dinner with the family , yet . " Glory said , handing Holly another light and pointing at a picture to aim it at . " Right now , you 're the only one who knows the extent of this , and I 'd like to keep it that way for now . I don 't really want to have to deal with the world knowing … at least until there 's something to know . " " So you 're going to sign these prints of Glory 's picture of you ? I love that picture . It captures the complexity of the character . " Holly said . Glory poked her head around the scaffolding . " Here , put this sign up . " she said to Lucas , handing him the poster for over his table . Holly held one end of the poster up while Lucas secured the other end . " Mom 's not going to be happy that you 're not coming for dinner tonight , you know ? " Holly said , joining her sister to survey the booth . Glory looked at her and shrugged . " She 's always so negative about all of the guys I date . I 'm just not ready to take her flack over Lucas until I 'm sure there 's something to take flack over . " Glory was speaking quietly so that Lucas couldn 't hear her . Lucas came around the table to join the girls and check out their booth . " Na … everything is usually all set up for me when I do signings . " He closed his eyes as he thought about how elitist that sounded . " It 's kinda fun to help with the set up . There 's lots of wine for tomorrow . Does this turn into a drunk later ? " he asked Glory with a little smile . " Do I have to ? " Lucas asked , jokingly . He had one arm around her back and he pulled her in close to him . He was glad that at least Holly knew that they were intimate . Being platonic with her was proving to be a little difficult . Once her booth was set up , Desirée seemed to have everything under control , so Glory and Lucas took their leave , waving to Holly in the parking lot . " See you tomorrow ! " Holly said , and Glory nodded as she got into the car . " Grubby Chinese sounds perfect . " Lucas said . Glory leaned over to give him a quick kiss before putting the car in gear and heading out of the parking lot . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceApril 11 , 2017April 11 , 20173 , 449 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 4 - Long Distance Nightmare 1 AM . That was the time on his phone as he picked it up to see who the hell was calling him in the middle of the night . When he saw Glory 's name , though , he answered immediately . " Do you have the lights on ? " he asked . He knew this is the first thing his sister did when one of her kids had a nightmare . Everything is scarier in the dark . Lucas sighed . What could he do for her from here ? If he was there , he 'd hold her and comfort her , but he wasn 't there . He shook his head in frustration . Finally , her voice came through the phone , small and scared . " I 'm in bed and it 's late . I 'm almost asleep when I hear the dragon come in the room . " she said , quietly . Glory paused for a moment . " No … it 's a camp cot . It must be at my cousin , Diana 's . Her and Holly would share her bed and they 'd set up a camp cot for me . " she said , sounding a little surprised at this revelation . Continue reading " Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 4 - Long Distance Nightmare " → |
Instead , I called my cousin , Maryanne , who isn 't really my cousin but the daughter of my aunt 's first husband , who killed himself when he jumped off the side of a bridge in the 80s . We don 't talk about that . Maryanne comes over with a J , and we sit on the front porch . I tell her I 'm not going to smoke because of the interview tomorrow , but I do anyway . We start to discuss things like how miserable we are at our jobs , the weirdest sex positions we 've done and how the pyramids in Egypt align with the stars in Orin 's Belt . I tell her a read a book by an Egyptian author recently for my translation class . As always she nodded her head and scrambled to change the subject and not focus my college education . I know she resents me because of it . " And do you remember the part when Jafar traps Jasmine inside of an hourglass ? At the end of the movie . " " When she can 't get out and she is crying for help ? And then Alladin comes and breaks the glass so she can escape . " " I never told anyone this , but I used to think about sex before I fell asleep . And not the usual kind of sex . After seeing that movie , all sorts of torturous devices came inside my head . I couldn 't fall asleep without thinking about it . I used to think of a woman inside of a spider 's web , the spider 's silk slowing wrapping around her body so that a man could later have her . I never really knew what it meant I just know I used to think about it . " " I never told anyone this either , but our godmother 's son used to touch me , while we were playing video games . I was only nine when it started . I don 't know for how long it went on . Maybe I was only seven or so , but I think nine . He was thirteen . I remember sitting there with a controller in my hand and his arms wrapped around me , feeling me . I forgave him . I remember a voice in my head saying ' Maybe he doesn 't know what he 's doing . ' Maybe he thinks it 's okay because someone did it to him . ' I thought my parents would be angry if they found out , so I never told them . ' Maybe it does feel good , ' I used to think . I learned to forget about it so quickly . He used to invite me to play board games with him under the covers of his bunk bed . I remember thinking ' Maybe if I asked my little brother to play with us , I would be safe . ' My brother shielded me . But then there was this time , I think at my dad 's work , in the childcare room at his office , and he pulled me into this rocket ship made of cardboard and pulled down his pants . All I remember was his Ninja Turtle underwear , and maybe something happened , maybe it didn 't , I don 't know … I guess I 've blocked it out . It stopped , I think one of the teachers walked into the room or something . I remember wanting to tell my mom so badly about what was going on , but I told my best friend at school who convinced me I had to say something , so I did . My mom was shocked , but I don 't think she ever told my godmother . " I started to cry . " I know I shouldn 't feel bad right now , but I do . I don 't know why . I shouldn 't be wasting our time together telling you about this … sorry , yeah , I don 't know why I 'm telling you about this . " You asked me out and took me to my favorite art gallery where they had poetry and jazz and paintings and everything in the world that I loved , maybe , including you . We took a walk back in the cold , and you gave me a piggyback ride and I could tell you wanted to kiss me but we had to pee , so I said I had the keys to the store where I worked and where we met . Maybe my boss would be mad but she would never find out if I didn 't tell her . You kissed me and said come over , then you drove me home while the radio played a song I knew , and I ended up on your soft mattress , and I made the bed the next day after you left for work and you texted me later to say thank you . I went to work late . I think my boss was mad . But I didn 't care because I felt so happy . While on vacation you asked me to send pictures of the beach . I sent you a picture of a face I made out of leaves I made while talking to my father on the phone and then a picture of me wearing a mermaid 's dress made of scales . You replied hm , that 's sexy . Today went for massage because I felt like it . I thought about how men always get tricked into a happy ending massage . After the masseuse had left I noticed the size my tits in the mirror for a bit . They used to be so firm and perky when I was in shape , but now they seem heavier and rounder . I pose in the as I imagine a pin - up model would . I go into the bathroom and give the happy ending to myself . I came over hungry even though I already ate dinner and devoured some peanut butter cups you had leftover while you taught me to play chess . We watched the news , and you said wow shit is seriously messed up out there , cops killing people . I said Maybe they shouldn 't carry guns . You said Yeah , but we don 't want cops who are pussies you know . Later you ate me out on your kitchen counter - top beside the chess set . In the morning you left for work , and I ate the rest of the peanut butter cups while I watched TV alone . You texted me to tell me you ran into the homeless lady that we fed and housed a few weeks ago outside your workplace on the other side of town . While watching TV , I learned something about those indigo children on Ancient Aliens . Then I read an entire book by Herman Hesse . It felt good to be fed by you and be given the to keys to your empty house . Let me tell you a little bit about the way we have sex . I don 't feel like I need a shield with you . You talk about things I use to fantasize about often , like getting spanked or choked , saying please before I came or do anything you asked me too . It scares me a bit , and I think you know it . I had a boyfriend who used to do things I never asked for but he 's in the past . You changed your tone a bit one day and instead started saying " May I touch for my own pleasure ? " and honestly I had never felt so liberated by a question . To be used for your pleasure and knowing you would be pleased by it without having to communicate that . Knowing I could use you back too in any way I choose . You asked me How do you feel when you watch porn ? I said that I don 't . I used to I always felt kind of gross afterward . You said Yeah , me too . That 's why I don 't either anymore . It never felt like we had a separate transition into sex . It was foreplay , all of it . I would look at your body , all of it , even the light bluish glow that surrounded you from the motion light from the house across from my window . " I never really thought I was sexy until you said it . " You clung to me afterward . We moved to separate sides to sleep then embraced in the morning . You asked me what I dreamt about , and I always told you . Sometimes I dream about you and sometimes about you and your mother . And then I asked you what you dream about and you just said Your dreams were strange . I made your bed again after for you after you left for coffee with your friends . I sat on your porch and read a book that my mother sent me in the mail about love while I combed my hair . Between the things you tell me , I suppose you are seeking freedom for yourself too . I have a question for you . If you too are a seeker , who knows God 's power constantly and asks God consistently for guidance , and with whom I feel God 's love considerably , why do you still reject anything that resembles intimacy ? After work , you said I want to take a walk with you . I took you to a log I liked in the woods . You said I can 't help but feel like something is missing between us . I said Yeah , Maybe we need to end this . I straddled the log , and then I kissed you . You said Okay , maybe we can keep trying for a little bit and see where this goes . I never read DH Lawrence before today , but he reminded me of my uncle who wrote a book about him . When we traveled together , he would look at the advertisements in the airports and tell me which models were also porn stars . I asked him how he knew that ( because I didn 't think he had the Internet ) and he would say Well , I 'm a man so of course , I know that . I had a dream that you put a ladder against my window and climbed in . You joined me on my bed on the floor and cuddled with me amongst my pillows . You seemed safe and cozy in my arms . You put your head in my lap and cried started to confess everything to me until you changed to topic to my mattress and said I 'd like one of these too . Even in my dream , I remember thinking how That 's so like you , to change the topic to a material object like the mattress before you got real with me . And then to put everything you desired in the future tense , and never think of the having of it now . When I remind you all shadows need light , you asked me Okay , what do you mean by that . We suddenly hear two cats screaming , and we look out the window to see on a patch of grass a black cat and a white cat staring at each other waiting to see who will back down . You remind me animals never hold on their fight or flight response . I brought you over and said maybe we should end things and you said maybe we should just be friends without sex . You said that You 're really messed up in the head and I asked you how . You said it 's hard for you to see women as people not just sexually . You said Your mother never said anything nice to you . In the morning you asked me Why are you bothering to stay here with me ? How do you not find me annoying ? And you looked like you wanted to cry for the first time . I said because I guess I care about the people in my life . And you are someone that I care about . I am there to emotionally support them . I thought When I met you I felt my whole heart open . I draped myself living room couch unable to move and my roommate saying I 've never seen you so happy . I wanted to listen to voicemails to hear your voice and now I have it hear . A month ago I decided by the end of the month I 'll stay or go . We decided to be just friends and not sleep together , but did we really decide that ? Now you want to open up even more , but your mother never loved you , you never felt whole as a child . I thought What 's that all about ? what the hell am I supposed to do about that ? I spoke to you in a way I had never spoken to anyone . I never told you I made a promise to myself to fall in love this year and maybe that 's why I 'm still here . I came to your house to retrieve the bra I left and watched you do your work . I sat across from you at a safe distance and drank the water you offered me . I don 't believe we leave the things behind by accident , a part of us always wants to come back to claim more than the object itself . I 'd listen to you type away furiously . I needed to sit near you . I needed to read all you had written , some critical report you had completed yourself . Seemed to me to be more about the economic fate of some developing country with no option to opt out . You began to massage my wrist delicately Suddenly I knew why were hurting me . I said I need to talk to you . I need you to see more . I asked What value am I to you ? You said I don 't know . I thought maybe I am just a whore to you . I said Look . I really like you . Look . You are hurting me . I couldn 't even look at you . I started to cry . You said nothing . I asked you What are you thinking ? You said I 'm thinking I 'm worried I 'll run into you again at the store where we met . I said You know I don 't work there any more . You just stared at me . I said Why are you looking at me like that ? You said Well , Why are you staring at me ? I said I 'm sorry for taking you away from your work . I thought Why the fuck am I apologizing ? You said You don 't need to apologize . I thought I just want you to say you love me . You said I 'm glad you were brave enough to do this . I said I need to leave now . At the door , you stuffed your hands into your pockets so tightly that your veins were protruding and you hung your head down . You asked me Do you want a hug ? I said Yes , I do . I started to cry over your shoulder . I said Look , I know you are a good person . I thought I don 't know how you managed to be both an abuser and my healer . You said Tell me how I 'm a good person . I said You think about it . I thought You know it 's not my duty to heal the depth of self - loathing you 've had last April . Your roommate was coming in the door and I didn 't want him to see me so I left right away . When I got outside , I folded myself in two on the stoop next to your house . I started crying . In the dark , at least ten people walked past me before a man wearing ragged clothing stumbled past . Those who thought " I don 't see this world way others see it , " are the ones who pushed on evolution . Looking at an ant colony , I see them moving around methodically . They don 't allow the others to die off because they need each other like a small organism that has different parts that move and swell and fade . So when did the first ant decide to pick up a leaf ? Or when did the first one grow wings ? Why did that ant who grew wings survive ? How did it decide it was time to fly away ? What was that " stuff " inside that pushed it to grow faster ? She picked up her leather bound journal . She walked . Trying to understand . She spent most of her days doing nothing more than that . Wondering why God has brought her here to this lonely place with Nelson . He spent many days , drawing the beaks of birds and napping along the coastline . And what did she do ? Most days she found the heat unbearable . She learned to cook a few dishes from the locals and sat and read the three books she had brought with her . She had read them enough times that she could close her eyes and recite them from memory , line by line . In the evenings , they would sit and watch the sunset together , and she would nuzzle her head into the crook of his arm as he stroked her hair and told her about everything he had seen that day . He would talk into the waves about his research , and she would listen and slightly nod , offering an occasional question of which he would always try to answer . He would lean over and kiss the middle of her forehead , and with her eyes closed , she could see a bright white light flash from the point just below her hairline . She would begin to recite to him lines from the latest book she had been reading and use dramatic voices , feeling the rise and fall of his chest when he laughed . When the stars came out , they would build fires from palm leaves and driftwood and nearly fall asleep . The beach became a haven for scorpions and other creatures at night , so they would always retreat to their small cabin to make love , but usually , they would just fall asleep . She would always ask him " What dreams do you think you 'll have ? " and then they would play a little game . She would try to think of an object before they fell asleep and see if the other could secretly send the image along while they slept and then check back on their accuracy in the morning . Him , lying on his back and her , curled up like a newborn at his side . They would usually wake up and report that they had had strange dreams , but could never completely communicate what exactly had happened to the other . Every morning , they rose with the sun , and she would prepare him a cup of coffee in a small tin mug with a red flower on it before he left for the day . He would review his notes , and she would finish making breakfast before he left for the day . Nearly six months of this simple life and she had recorded almost every day in a small pocket calendar she left at her bedside . When she wrote , she imagined addressing writing a note to her mother , asking questions like Are the kittens growing ? Has my sister purchased a crib for the baby ? The thought of going back to her former world seemed so far into a place unknown ; she hardly remembered their old address or the names of her neighbors . Everything there seemed very mundane , and she hardly cared to wonder anymore . She could not communicate orally to the locals in the village , but that had not stopped her from attempting to socialize . After all , she needed social interaction outside from Nelson . On market day she would see her two close friends . The first , an old man who sat on the side of a linen shop and hummed tunes into an old flute . He had given her one , and they would play together on occasion . At first , he was not the best teacher . He would simply take the flute and rapidly flow into an old folk song he had memorized by heart , nodding to her and expecting her to repeat in turn . But after listening many times , she became fairly nimble with the instrument and came up with some tunes of her own . Before market days , he would always bring her a freshly picked bag of mangos from his orchard , yet she never knew how to express gratitude to the old man that provided for her , unconditionally . Her second friend was a school - aged boy with a lazy eye who spent his afternoons out of school by the yogurt cart in town with his grandfather . He spent his days drawing pictures of animals on the back of his school primers . One day , she came to buy a cold yogurt and sat with the boy , giving him one of Nelson notebooks he had brought along . She would draw a picture of something and say the word in her native tongue , and he would write the word in his language in return . She had learned quite a lot from him that way , and soon she found herself sitting with him after he had left school , doing homework from the same third - grade textbook he used for class and learning as much as she could . Occasionally , he would give her small gifts - a shiny pebble he had found on the shore or a piece of hard candy , and she would return the favor with a coin or a postcard from home . But her favorite gift of all appeared when she sat next to him , and he handed her a plate of fruit on which he had carved a pineapple into the shape of a small bird sitting on a branch . Aside from her two local friends , she had befriended another foreigner on the island . She remembered the shock she felt the day at the marketplace when they locked eyes and looked as if the other had seen a ghost . He was an American who had spent two tours fighting in the Persian Gulf War and had come to the island as a way to recover from all of the tragedy he had experienced , and in time married a local from the island . She felt overjoyed and immediately ran back to the house to tell Nelson who she had met . The American came by the next day . It was the first day she had seen her husband take his nose out of his notes and pick up a beer . The three of them talked until the moon rose over the shore . Her heart rejoiced in the male companionship her husband had found . After all , a husband and wife could only keep each other company for so long before they felt as if they were talking into a mirror . The American told the couple his stories . After two tours in the Persian Gulf , he came back to states to find himself homeless , drinking soup from a tin can he had pulled out of a dumpster until one day a woman from a Catholic charity mission cleaned him up and gave him a place to rest . He did not want to stay in the church for long , for fear of becoming converted , so he found work in a packaging plant and moved into a basement apartment of his own . One night , while walking home after a long night with his drinking buddies , a group of three teenage boys mugged him and broke his right leg , and he found himself out of work again and living off of his unemployment checks . He carted himself to the library on the weekends to an art therapy group reading Paradise Lost and making painted collages . He decided once he became physically healed he would heal his mind and spirit through travel . He had seen so many men die in the Army that he began to question the purpose of life itself . He wanted to see what was out there beyond the crumbling streets of America and war - torn villages of the Middle East . So after saving up enough for a one - way ticket , he sent himself to Africa , then hitchhiking his way through Asia , and eventually flying to Central America before settling here on the island where he married and built a small home on the side of a mountain . Both she had Nelson were so captivated by his stories that they would invite him to the cabin after his weekly trips to the market for produce . They always promised to go up and see his home , but terrible weather or illness always seemed to prevent them from taking that journey . One week , while Nelson 's was consumed in his research , she spent some time along with the foreigner . It was then that she began to notice things about him that didn 't seem quite right . He said and did things he had not in the presence of her husband , such as commenting on how overly lavish her clothing was for the island or occasionally brushing his hand along her waistline when he passed her while preparing dinner in the kitchen . One evening while the two were smoking cigarettes on the porch , he pulled out his small sketchpad from his back pocket . " Want to see a picture I drew of my wife ? " he asked . He flipped through pages to reveal a picture of a woman with full , round breasts . " Aren 't her eyes so beautiful ? " he said as he paused his index finger on the corner of the page . He began to talk about his wife and his plans to take her back to America with him and show her a civilized life . He expected she would cook and clean for him while he took a job at a financial institution , and put his degree in business to use . He hoped they would try to have children , but had come to suspect that his wife had been drinking some strange type of mountain herb that prevented her from " producing " the heir he desired . She did not understand , for when he drank with Nelson the American could always talk about how he could live forever on this idyllic island of bliss with his wife , and never return to home . When she asked why he never brought his wife along for a visit , he said the journey down the mountain would be too much of a strain on her and hinder her ability to carry his future children . When Nelson had left for a two - week - long excursion at sea to study the mating patterns of turtles , a terrible storm came to the island . In fear and loneliness of her husband 's return , she invited the American to stay with her for company and protection . He slept on a cot on the floor in the common room and occasionally on the hammock outside when the poor weather subsided . At night , she would sit and with him and chat while sewing and repairing holes Nelson 's torn trousers , sometimes tuning into the news on her AM radio or putting on a record to keep her mind off her longing for her husband 's return . She had stopped drinking and hardly ate more than a few pieces of fruit during the day , yet the knot in her stomach remained . During their evenings together , the American had taken up the habit of drinking vodka straight out of the bottle , chasing it with a beer . One night , the power went out , and she huddled next to him on the porch of their cabin , watching the rain pour mercilessly . " Will it be okay ? " Tears welled up in his eyes as he told her what he had seen in the military . The hundreds of men coming across his operating table , with missing limbs , open wounds , fractured skulls that revealed the bloody bits of ruptured brains . " My body , when it dies , it just is gone , nothing else , " he said . His tiny pupils looked at hers as if he was looking into nothingness . " And that terrifies me , death . I don 't know what comes after . " " There is another side , " she replied . " You know that of course . All of the near death experiences that you hear of , the white light that people see . The way they feel they are floating out of their body , going into heaven 's gate . " " Once , in Tibet , I witnessed a Sky Burial on the side of a mountain , " he began to speak as if he hadn 't even heard her comment . " I stood 500 meters away while I watched two men take their dead brother and lay him out for a pack of hungry vultures to pick apart . The flesh disappeared in a matter of minutes . All that was a stack of bones . The monk came with a knife and hacked away at the skeleton , then ground the bones into a paste with a motor . I watched the whole thing until nothing remained of the dead man 's body . I didn 't feel uncomfortable at all . But I wondered , had they felt invaded by my voyeurism ? How would I feel , if these men had come to America , and stood on the sidelines while they watched a priest lower my brother 's coffin into the ground ? Maybe they wouldn 't care . According to the Buddhists , death isn 't the end , and we are all reborn . Maybe we are all just a part of the circle of things , and it 's true that a man 's flesh is no more valuable than a vulture 's . He goes to the sky through the belly of the bird until it then too dies , decays , and becomes a part of the endless circle of things once again . " " When I go , I want to have a party , go out with a bang ! You know ? Prop me up in bed , give my friends a round of champagne and let them drip morphine into my blood until I take my final breath . " " There is a beautiful quote in here that says : ' I pray that death will not come and find me still unannihilated . ' In other words , man dies happy if there is no one to die , which means the ego has disappeared before death caught up with him . But you see , the knowledge of death helps the ego to disappear because it tells you that you can 't hang on . So what we need is to go out with a bang instead of a whimper . " She let out a faint weep . The American leaned over on her shoulder , twisting a lock of her hair with his index finger . " Does your husband ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are ? " he whispered . She gently pulled herself away from his soft grasp and swiftly returned into the darkness of the cabin . She curled her knees into her chest under and dragged the thin layer of sheets up and over her ears . She knew in that instant that she did not want to see the American anymore The American returned to his home on the mountain the following day without a word . Nelson returned from his journey seven days after that . The two of them sat in their usual spot on the shoreline , and he habitually leaned in to kiss her forehead , but this time she could feel the quiver on his lips . Something was not quite right . " We found a lot about the turtle 's mating habits and even more about their evolution , " he said . " The world needs to know this . It 's time I go back to publish our findings . Can you stay here ? And maintain our cabin ? As we promised , you know that . " She could feel the skin of her breastbone tighten , and she began to curl her knees into her chest . " Yes , of course , my love . " Looking up into his brown eyes , she twisted a lock of his wavy hair , hair that now nearly reached down to his shoulders . " I may get a haircut while I 'm back to , " he laughed , brushing her hand aside . " Will you be okay ? Three months alone is a longtime alone for you . Perhaps the American and his wife can come down to keep company . " The next morning she stood at the shoreline , watching his boat sail away . On the ship , there was life and noise ; she saw him searching for her ; sorrowfully he gazed at the pearly foam as if he knew she had thrown herself into the waves . She gracefully walked away , and her feet left fresh indentations in the sand , the only mark of life aside from a pack of vultures gnawing on a decaying fish by the jetty . She took a seat on the log by the anthill . Break the Rules I . Spirals At the farmer 's market I meet a man selling Kombucha . He says you may actually be able to alter the way your genes are expressed by certain microbes in your stomach . I say that I 'm reading a book on microbes but I don 't know what it 's called . I show him the DNA on a necklace I made the Natural History Museum yesterday . There 's me - in the spit around my neck - a pure expression of who I am . A microbe is an invisible force that could change all of that in just a swig . Who ever said God wasn 't real . Who ever said invisible forces have no factor on our lives . The Hirshhorn Museum calls me when I 'm sad and lonely . I go to feel something breathing between those empty walls . I go with the hope that I can walk out less confused . Three years ago , I came to interview in DC for a spot to teach in rural China . I walked into the Hirshhorn to find the museum was featuring art from the Chinese dissident Ai Wei Wei . Children 's backpacks lined the ceiling to count the dead in the Sichuan earthquake . A middle finger flicked off the White House and Tiananmen Square . The Bird 's Nest Olympic Stadium was big enough to hold the whole world inside to compete and oppressive enough to trap its creator under house arrest without a passport . Off to the land of " tofu - brick " buildings that crumble under corruption . Away from the swamp where the student 's from schools built in the early 1900s remain almost as segregated as they did upon the building 's conception . Today , I watch while a museum security guard tells a couple how to stand between two pillar - shaped mirrors in order to show their reflection . I ignore the exhibits ' large white canvases covered in tiny dots . If an order of dots is what 's to come , I suppose I find it more frightening than Ai Wei Wei 's dystopia . At least there , I found hope amidst the rubble . " Yes girl , this is my protest ! " I day dream on my bike ride back about a boy I met once who did street art . How we may have ended up if I hadn 't wanted to follow the rules so much rather than the laws that govern this universe . The world is moving towards fingerprinting technology now , you know , I say . " But a signature , will always stay the same . You can slice off a finger but you can 't steal the way someone moves . " I like to eat dinner and watch Chef 's Table . Perhaps is a phenomenon of not sitting to enjoy your own creation and needing that of another to truly feed you . Grant Schatz made food that can float and switches out strawberries for tomatoes . He lost his sense of taste to cancer and kept creating . Reborn when he took a sip of coffee after chemo , he made art on the dependence of others . It 's as if he said , " Look what I can make . Now let 's see if I still love how you look with my eyes closed . " |
Instead , I called my cousin , Maryanne , who isn 't really my cousin but the daughter of my aunt 's first husband , who killed himself when he jumped off the side of a bridge in the 80s . We don 't talk about that . Maryanne comes over with a J , and we sit on the front porch . I tell her I 'm not going to smoke because of the interview tomorrow , but I do anyway . We start to discuss things like how miserable we are at our jobs , the weirdest sex positions we 've done and how the pyramids in Egypt align with the stars in Orin 's Belt . I tell her a read a book by an Egyptian author recently for my translation class . As always she nodded her head and scrambled to change the subject and not focus my college education . I know she resents me because of it . " And do you remember the part when Jafar traps Jasmine inside of an hourglass ? At the end of the movie . " " When she can 't get out and she is crying for help ? And then Alladin comes and breaks the glass so she can escape . " " I never told anyone this , but I used to think about sex before I fell asleep . And not the usual kind of sex . After seeing that movie , all sorts of torturous devices came inside my head . I couldn 't fall asleep without thinking about it . I used to think of a woman inside of a spider 's web , the spider 's silk slowing wrapping around her body so that a man could later have her . I never really knew what it meant I just know I used to think about it . " " I never told anyone this either , but our godmother 's son used to touch me , while we were playing video games . I was only nine when it started . I don 't know for how long it went on . Maybe I was only seven or so , but I think nine . He was thirteen . I remember sitting there with a controller in my hand and his arms wrapped around me , feeling me . I forgave him . I remember a voice in my head saying ' Maybe he doesn 't know what he 's doing . ' Maybe he thinks it 's okay because someone did it to him . ' I thought my parents would be angry if they found out , so I never told them . ' Maybe it does feel good , ' I used to think . I learned to forget about it so quickly . He used to invite me to play board games with him under the covers of his bunk bed . I remember thinking ' Maybe if I asked my little brother to play with us , I would be safe . ' My brother shielded me . But then there was this time , I think at my dad 's work , in the childcare room at his office , and he pulled me into this rocket ship made of cardboard and pulled down his pants . All I remember was his Ninja Turtle underwear , and maybe something happened , maybe it didn 't , I don 't know … I guess I 've blocked it out . It stopped , I think one of the teachers walked into the room or something . I remember wanting to tell my mom so badly about what was going on , but I told my best friend at school who convinced me I had to say something , so I did . My mom was shocked , but I don 't think she ever told my godmother . " I started to cry . " I know I shouldn 't feel bad right now , but I do . I don 't know why . I shouldn 't be wasting our time together telling you about this … sorry , yeah , I don 't know why I 'm telling you about this . " You asked me out and took me to my favorite art gallery where they had poetry and jazz and paintings and everything in the world that I loved , maybe , including you . We took a walk back in the cold , and you gave me a piggyback ride and I could tell you wanted to kiss me but we had to pee , so I said I had the keys to the store where I worked and where we met . Maybe my boss would be mad but she would never find out if I didn 't tell her . You kissed me and said come over , then you drove me home while the radio played a song I knew , and I ended up on your soft mattress , and I made the bed the next day after you left for work and you texted me later to say thank you . I went to work late . I think my boss was mad . But I didn 't care because I felt so happy . While on vacation you asked me to send pictures of the beach . I sent you a picture of a face I made out of leaves I made while talking to my father on the phone and then a picture of me wearing a mermaid 's dress made of scales . You replied hm , that 's sexy . Today went for massage because I felt like it . I thought about how men always get tricked into a happy ending massage . After the masseuse had left I noticed the size my tits in the mirror for a bit . They used to be so firm and perky when I was in shape , but now they seem heavier and rounder . I pose in the as I imagine a pin - up model would . I go into the bathroom and give the happy ending to myself . I came over hungry even though I already ate dinner and devoured some peanut butter cups you had leftover while you taught me to play chess . We watched the news , and you said wow shit is seriously messed up out there , cops killing people . I said Maybe they shouldn 't carry guns . You said Yeah , but we don 't want cops who are pussies you know . Later you ate me out on your kitchen counter - top beside the chess set . In the morning you left for work , and I ate the rest of the peanut butter cups while I watched TV alone . You texted me to tell me you ran into the homeless lady that we fed and housed a few weeks ago outside your workplace on the other side of town . While watching TV , I learned something about those indigo children on Ancient Aliens . Then I read an entire book by Herman Hesse . It felt good to be fed by you and be given the to keys to your empty house . Let me tell you a little bit about the way we have sex . I don 't feel like I need a shield with you . You talk about things I use to fantasize about often , like getting spanked or choked , saying please before I came or do anything you asked me too . It scares me a bit , and I think you know it . I had a boyfriend who used to do things I never asked for but he 's in the past . You changed your tone a bit one day and instead started saying " May I touch for my own pleasure ? " and honestly I had never felt so liberated by a question . To be used for your pleasure and knowing you would be pleased by it without having to communicate that . Knowing I could use you back too in any way I choose . You asked me How do you feel when you watch porn ? I said that I don 't . I used to I always felt kind of gross afterward . You said Yeah , me too . That 's why I don 't either anymore . It never felt like we had a separate transition into sex . It was foreplay , all of it . I would look at your body , all of it , even the light bluish glow that surrounded you from the motion light from the house across from my window . " I never really thought I was sexy until you said it . " You clung to me afterward . We moved to separate sides to sleep then embraced in the morning . You asked me what I dreamt about , and I always told you . Sometimes I dream about you and sometimes about you and your mother . And then I asked you what you dream about and you just said Your dreams were strange . I made your bed again after for you after you left for coffee with your friends . I sat on your porch and read a book that my mother sent me in the mail about love while I combed my hair . Between the things you tell me , I suppose you are seeking freedom for yourself too . I have a question for you . If you too are a seeker , who knows God 's power constantly and asks God consistently for guidance , and with whom I feel God 's love considerably , why do you still reject anything that resembles intimacy ? After work , you said I want to take a walk with you . I took you to a log I liked in the woods . You said I can 't help but feel like something is missing between us . I said Yeah , Maybe we need to end this . I straddled the log , and then I kissed you . You said Okay , maybe we can keep trying for a little bit and see where this goes . I never read DH Lawrence before today , but he reminded me of my uncle who wrote a book about him . When we traveled together , he would look at the advertisements in the airports and tell me which models were also porn stars . I asked him how he knew that ( because I didn 't think he had the Internet ) and he would say Well , I 'm a man so of course , I know that . I had a dream that you put a ladder against my window and climbed in . You joined me on my bed on the floor and cuddled with me amongst my pillows . You seemed safe and cozy in my arms . You put your head in my lap and cried started to confess everything to me until you changed to topic to my mattress and said I 'd like one of these too . Even in my dream , I remember thinking how That 's so like you , to change the topic to a material object like the mattress before you got real with me . And then to put everything you desired in the future tense , and never think of the having of it now . When I remind you all shadows need light , you asked me Okay , what do you mean by that . We suddenly hear two cats screaming , and we look out the window to see on a patch of grass a black cat and a white cat staring at each other waiting to see who will back down . You remind me animals never hold on their fight or flight response . I brought you over and said maybe we should end things and you said maybe we should just be friends without sex . You said that You 're really messed up in the head and I asked you how . You said it 's hard for you to see women as people not just sexually . You said Your mother never said anything nice to you . In the morning you asked me Why are you bothering to stay here with me ? How do you not find me annoying ? And you looked like you wanted to cry for the first time . I said because I guess I care about the people in my life . And you are someone that I care about . I am there to emotionally support them . I thought When I met you I felt my whole heart open . I draped myself living room couch unable to move and my roommate saying I 've never seen you so happy . I wanted to listen to voicemails to hear your voice and now I have it hear . A month ago I decided by the end of the month I 'll stay or go . We decided to be just friends and not sleep together , but did we really decide that ? Now you want to open up even more , but your mother never loved you , you never felt whole as a child . I thought What 's that all about ? what the hell am I supposed to do about that ? I spoke to you in a way I had never spoken to anyone . I never told you I made a promise to myself to fall in love this year and maybe that 's why I 'm still here . I came to your house to retrieve the bra I left and watched you do your work . I sat across from you at a safe distance and drank the water you offered me . I don 't believe we leave the things behind by accident , a part of us always wants to come back to claim more than the object itself . I 'd listen to you type away furiously . I needed to sit near you . I needed to read all you had written , some critical report you had completed yourself . Seemed to me to be more about the economic fate of some developing country with no option to opt out . You began to massage my wrist delicately Suddenly I knew why were hurting me . I said I need to talk to you . I need you to see more . I asked What value am I to you ? You said I don 't know . I thought maybe I am just a whore to you . I said Look . I really like you . Look . You are hurting me . I couldn 't even look at you . I started to cry . You said nothing . I asked you What are you thinking ? You said I 'm thinking I 'm worried I 'll run into you again at the store where we met . I said You know I don 't work there any more . You just stared at me . I said Why are you looking at me like that ? You said Well , Why are you staring at me ? I said I 'm sorry for taking you away from your work . I thought Why the fuck am I apologizing ? You said You don 't need to apologize . I thought I just want you to say you love me . You said I 'm glad you were brave enough to do this . I said I need to leave now . At the door , you stuffed your hands into your pockets so tightly that your veins were protruding and you hung your head down . You asked me Do you want a hug ? I said Yes , I do . I started to cry over your shoulder . I said Look , I know you are a good person . I thought I don 't know how you managed to be both an abuser and my healer . You said Tell me how I 'm a good person . I said You think about it . I thought You know it 's not my duty to heal the depth of self - loathing you 've had last April . Your roommate was coming in the door and I didn 't want him to see me so I left right away . When I got outside , I folded myself in two on the stoop next to your house . I started crying . In the dark , at least ten people walked past me before a man wearing ragged clothing stumbled past . Those who thought " I don 't see this world way others see it , " are the ones who pushed on evolution . Looking at an ant colony , I see them moving around methodically . They don 't allow the others to die off because they need each other like a small organism that has different parts that move and swell and fade . So when did the first ant decide to pick up a leaf ? Or when did the first one grow wings ? Why did that ant who grew wings survive ? How did it decide it was time to fly away ? What was that " stuff " inside that pushed it to grow faster ? She picked up her leather bound journal . She walked . Trying to understand . She spent most of her days doing nothing more than that . Wondering why God has brought her here to this lonely place with Nelson . He spent many days , drawing the beaks of birds and napping along the coastline . And what did she do ? Most days she found the heat unbearable . She learned to cook a few dishes from the locals and sat and read the three books she had brought with her . She had read them enough times that she could close her eyes and recite them from memory , line by line . In the evenings , they would sit and watch the sunset together , and she would nuzzle her head into the crook of his arm as he stroked her hair and told her about everything he had seen that day . He would talk into the waves about his research , and she would listen and slightly nod , offering an occasional question of which he would always try to answer . He would lean over and kiss the middle of her forehead , and with her eyes closed , she could see a bright white light flash from the point just below her hairline . She would begin to recite to him lines from the latest book she had been reading and use dramatic voices , feeling the rise and fall of his chest when he laughed . When the stars came out , they would build fires from palm leaves and driftwood and nearly fall asleep . The beach became a haven for scorpions and other creatures at night , so they would always retreat to their small cabin to make love , but usually , they would just fall asleep . She would always ask him " What dreams do you think you 'll have ? " and then they would play a little game . She would try to think of an object before they fell asleep and see if the other could secretly send the image along while they slept and then check back on their accuracy in the morning . Him , lying on his back and her , curled up like a newborn at his side . They would usually wake up and report that they had had strange dreams , but could never completely communicate what exactly had happened to the other . Every morning , they rose with the sun , and she would prepare him a cup of coffee in a small tin mug with a red flower on it before he left for the day . He would review his notes , and she would finish making breakfast before he left for the day . Nearly six months of this simple life and she had recorded almost every day in a small pocket calendar she left at her bedside . When she wrote , she imagined addressing writing a note to her mother , asking questions like Are the kittens growing ? Has my sister purchased a crib for the baby ? The thought of going back to her former world seemed so far into a place unknown ; she hardly remembered their old address or the names of her neighbors . Everything there seemed very mundane , and she hardly cared to wonder anymore . She could not communicate orally to the locals in the village , but that had not stopped her from attempting to socialize . After all , she needed social interaction outside from Nelson . On market day she would see her two close friends . The first , an old man who sat on the side of a linen shop and hummed tunes into an old flute . He had given her one , and they would play together on occasion . At first , he was not the best teacher . He would simply take the flute and rapidly flow into an old folk song he had memorized by heart , nodding to her and expecting her to repeat in turn . But after listening many times , she became fairly nimble with the instrument and came up with some tunes of her own . Before market days , he would always bring her a freshly picked bag of mangos from his orchard , yet she never knew how to express gratitude to the old man that provided for her , unconditionally . Her second friend was a school - aged boy with a lazy eye who spent his afternoons out of school by the yogurt cart in town with his grandfather . He spent his days drawing pictures of animals on the back of his school primers . One day , she came to buy a cold yogurt and sat with the boy , giving him one of Nelson notebooks he had brought along . She would draw a picture of something and say the word in her native tongue , and he would write the word in his language in return . She had learned quite a lot from him that way , and soon she found herself sitting with him after he had left school , doing homework from the same third - grade textbook he used for class and learning as much as she could . Occasionally , he would give her small gifts - a shiny pebble he had found on the shore or a piece of hard candy , and she would return the favor with a coin or a postcard from home . But her favorite gift of all appeared when she sat next to him , and he handed her a plate of fruit on which he had carved a pineapple into the shape of a small bird sitting on a branch . Aside from her two local friends , she had befriended another foreigner on the island . She remembered the shock she felt the day at the marketplace when they locked eyes and looked as if the other had seen a ghost . He was an American who had spent two tours fighting in the Persian Gulf War and had come to the island as a way to recover from all of the tragedy he had experienced , and in time married a local from the island . She felt overjoyed and immediately ran back to the house to tell Nelson who she had met . The American came by the next day . It was the first day she had seen her husband take his nose out of his notes and pick up a beer . The three of them talked until the moon rose over the shore . Her heart rejoiced in the male companionship her husband had found . After all , a husband and wife could only keep each other company for so long before they felt as if they were talking into a mirror . The American told the couple his stories . After two tours in the Persian Gulf , he came back to states to find himself homeless , drinking soup from a tin can he had pulled out of a dumpster until one day a woman from a Catholic charity mission cleaned him up and gave him a place to rest . He did not want to stay in the church for long , for fear of becoming converted , so he found work in a packaging plant and moved into a basement apartment of his own . One night , while walking home after a long night with his drinking buddies , a group of three teenage boys mugged him and broke his right leg , and he found himself out of work again and living off of his unemployment checks . He carted himself to the library on the weekends to an art therapy group reading Paradise Lost and making painted collages . He decided once he became physically healed he would heal his mind and spirit through travel . He had seen so many men die in the Army that he began to question the purpose of life itself . He wanted to see what was out there beyond the crumbling streets of America and war - torn villages of the Middle East . So after saving up enough for a one - way ticket , he sent himself to Africa , then hitchhiking his way through Asia , and eventually flying to Central America before settling here on the island where he married and built a small home on the side of a mountain . Both she had Nelson were so captivated by his stories that they would invite him to the cabin after his weekly trips to the market for produce . They always promised to go up and see his home , but terrible weather or illness always seemed to prevent them from taking that journey . One week , while Nelson 's was consumed in his research , she spent some time along with the foreigner . It was then that she began to notice things about him that didn 't seem quite right . He said and did things he had not in the presence of her husband , such as commenting on how overly lavish her clothing was for the island or occasionally brushing his hand along her waistline when he passed her while preparing dinner in the kitchen . One evening while the two were smoking cigarettes on the porch , he pulled out his small sketchpad from his back pocket . " Want to see a picture I drew of my wife ? " he asked . He flipped through pages to reveal a picture of a woman with full , round breasts . " Aren 't her eyes so beautiful ? " he said as he paused his index finger on the corner of the page . He began to talk about his wife and his plans to take her back to America with him and show her a civilized life . He expected she would cook and clean for him while he took a job at a financial institution , and put his degree in business to use . He hoped they would try to have children , but had come to suspect that his wife had been drinking some strange type of mountain herb that prevented her from " producing " the heir he desired . She did not understand , for when he drank with Nelson the American could always talk about how he could live forever on this idyllic island of bliss with his wife , and never return to home . When she asked why he never brought his wife along for a visit , he said the journey down the mountain would be too much of a strain on her and hinder her ability to carry his future children . When Nelson had left for a two - week - long excursion at sea to study the mating patterns of turtles , a terrible storm came to the island . In fear and loneliness of her husband 's return , she invited the American to stay with her for company and protection . He slept on a cot on the floor in the common room and occasionally on the hammock outside when the poor weather subsided . At night , she would sit and with him and chat while sewing and repairing holes Nelson 's torn trousers , sometimes tuning into the news on her AM radio or putting on a record to keep her mind off her longing for her husband 's return . She had stopped drinking and hardly ate more than a few pieces of fruit during the day , yet the knot in her stomach remained . During their evenings together , the American had taken up the habit of drinking vodka straight out of the bottle , chasing it with a beer . One night , the power went out , and she huddled next to him on the porch of their cabin , watching the rain pour mercilessly . " Will it be okay ? " Tears welled up in his eyes as he told her what he had seen in the military . The hundreds of men coming across his operating table , with missing limbs , open wounds , fractured skulls that revealed the bloody bits of ruptured brains . " My body , when it dies , it just is gone , nothing else , " he said . His tiny pupils looked at hers as if he was looking into nothingness . " And that terrifies me , death . I don 't know what comes after . " " There is another side , " she replied . " You know that of course . All of the near death experiences that you hear of , the white light that people see . The way they feel they are floating out of their body , going into heaven 's gate . " " Once , in Tibet , I witnessed a Sky Burial on the side of a mountain , " he began to speak as if he hadn 't even heard her comment . " I stood 500 meters away while I watched two men take their dead brother and lay him out for a pack of hungry vultures to pick apart . The flesh disappeared in a matter of minutes . All that was a stack of bones . The monk came with a knife and hacked away at the skeleton , then ground the bones into a paste with a motor . I watched the whole thing until nothing remained of the dead man 's body . I didn 't feel uncomfortable at all . But I wondered , had they felt invaded by my voyeurism ? How would I feel , if these men had come to America , and stood on the sidelines while they watched a priest lower my brother 's coffin into the ground ? Maybe they wouldn 't care . According to the Buddhists , death isn 't the end , and we are all reborn . Maybe we are all just a part of the circle of things , and it 's true that a man 's flesh is no more valuable than a vulture 's . He goes to the sky through the belly of the bird until it then too dies , decays , and becomes a part of the endless circle of things once again . " " When I go , I want to have a party , go out with a bang ! You know ? Prop me up in bed , give my friends a round of champagne and let them drip morphine into my blood until I take my final breath . " " There is a beautiful quote in here that says : ' I pray that death will not come and find me still unannihilated . ' In other words , man dies happy if there is no one to die , which means the ego has disappeared before death caught up with him . But you see , the knowledge of death helps the ego to disappear because it tells you that you can 't hang on . So what we need is to go out with a bang instead of a whimper . " She let out a faint weep . The American leaned over on her shoulder , twisting a lock of her hair with his index finger . " Does your husband ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are ? " he whispered . She gently pulled herself away from his soft grasp and swiftly returned into the darkness of the cabin . She curled her knees into her chest under and dragged the thin layer of sheets up and over her ears . She knew in that instant that she did not want to see the American anymore The American returned to his home on the mountain the following day without a word . Nelson returned from his journey seven days after that . The two of them sat in their usual spot on the shoreline , and he habitually leaned in to kiss her forehead , but this time she could feel the quiver on his lips . Something was not quite right . " We found a lot about the turtle 's mating habits and even more about their evolution , " he said . " The world needs to know this . It 's time I go back to publish our findings . Can you stay here ? And maintain our cabin ? As we promised , you know that . " She could feel the skin of her breastbone tighten , and she began to curl her knees into her chest . " Yes , of course , my love . " Looking up into his brown eyes , she twisted a lock of his wavy hair , hair that now nearly reached down to his shoulders . " I may get a haircut while I 'm back to , " he laughed , brushing her hand aside . " Will you be okay ? Three months alone is a longtime alone for you . Perhaps the American and his wife can come down to keep company . " The next morning she stood at the shoreline , watching his boat sail away . On the ship , there was life and noise ; she saw him searching for her ; sorrowfully he gazed at the pearly foam as if he knew she had thrown herself into the waves . She gracefully walked away , and her feet left fresh indentations in the sand , the only mark of life aside from a pack of vultures gnawing on a decaying fish by the jetty . She took a seat on the log by the anthill . Break the Rules I . Spirals At the farmer 's market I meet a man selling Kombucha . He says you may actually be able to alter the way your genes are expressed by certain microbes in your stomach . I say that I 'm reading a book on microbes but I don 't know what it 's called . I show him the DNA on a necklace I made the Natural History Museum yesterday . There 's me - in the spit around my neck - a pure expression of who I am . A microbe is an invisible force that could change all of that in just a swig . Who ever said God wasn 't real . Who ever said invisible forces have no factor on our lives . The Hirshhorn Museum calls me when I 'm sad and lonely . I go to feel something breathing between those empty walls . I go with the hope that I can walk out less confused . Three years ago , I came to interview in DC for a spot to teach in rural China . I walked into the Hirshhorn to find the museum was featuring art from the Chinese dissident Ai Wei Wei . Children 's backpacks lined the ceiling to count the dead in the Sichuan earthquake . A middle finger flicked off the White House and Tiananmen Square . The Bird 's Nest Olympic Stadium was big enough to hold the whole world inside to compete and oppressive enough to trap its creator under house arrest without a passport . Off to the land of " tofu - brick " buildings that crumble under corruption . Away from the swamp where the student 's from schools built in the early 1900s remain almost as segregated as they did upon the building 's conception . Today , I watch while a museum security guard tells a couple how to stand between two pillar - shaped mirrors in order to show their reflection . I ignore the exhibits ' large white canvases covered in tiny dots . If an order of dots is what 's to come , I suppose I find it more frightening than Ai Wei Wei 's dystopia . At least there , I found hope amidst the rubble . " Yes girl , this is my protest ! " I day dream on my bike ride back about a boy I met once who did street art . How we may have ended up if I hadn 't wanted to follow the rules so much rather than the laws that govern this universe . The world is moving towards fingerprinting technology now , you know , I say . " But a signature , will always stay the same . You can slice off a finger but you can 't steal the way someone moves . " I like to eat dinner and watch Chef 's Table . Perhaps is a phenomenon of not sitting to enjoy your own creation and needing that of another to truly feed you . Grant Schatz made food that can float and switches out strawberries for tomatoes . He lost his sense of taste to cancer and kept creating . Reborn when he took a sip of coffee after chemo , he made art on the dependence of others . It 's as if he said , " Look what I can make . Now let 's see if I still love how you look with my eyes closed . " |
Instead , I called my cousin , Maryanne , who isn 't really my cousin but the daughter of my aunt 's first husband , who killed himself when he jumped off the side of a bridge in the 80s . We don 't talk about that . Maryanne comes over with a J , and we sit on the front porch . I tell her I 'm not going to smoke because of the interview tomorrow , but I do anyway . We start to discuss things like how miserable we are at our jobs , the weirdest sex positions we 've done and how the pyramids in Egypt align with the stars in Orin 's Belt . I tell her a read a book by an Egyptian author recently for my translation class . As always she nodded her head and scrambled to change the subject and not focus my college education . I know she resents me because of it . " And do you remember the part when Jafar traps Jasmine inside of an hourglass ? At the end of the movie . " " When she can 't get out and she is crying for help ? And then Alladin comes and breaks the glass so she can escape . " " I never told anyone this , but I used to think about sex before I fell asleep . And not the usual kind of sex . After seeing that movie , all sorts of torturous devices came inside my head . I couldn 't fall asleep without thinking about it . I used to think of a woman inside of a spider 's web , the spider 's silk slowing wrapping around her body so that a man could later have her . I never really knew what it meant I just know I used to think about it . " " I never told anyone this either , but our godmother 's son used to touch me , while we were playing video games . I was only nine when it started . I don 't know for how long it went on . Maybe I was only seven or so , but I think nine . He was thirteen . I remember sitting there with a controller in my hand and his arms wrapped around me , feeling me . I forgave him . I remember a voice in my head saying ' Maybe he doesn 't know what he 's doing . ' Maybe he thinks it 's okay because someone did it to him . ' I thought my parents would be angry if they found out , so I never told them . ' Maybe it does feel good , ' I used to think . I learned to forget about it so quickly . He used to invite me to play board games with him under the covers of his bunk bed . I remember thinking ' Maybe if I asked my little brother to play with us , I would be safe . ' My brother shielded me . But then there was this time , I think at my dad 's work , in the childcare room at his office , and he pulled me into this rocket ship made of cardboard and pulled down his pants . All I remember was his Ninja Turtle underwear , and maybe something happened , maybe it didn 't , I don 't know … I guess I 've blocked it out . It stopped , I think one of the teachers walked into the room or something . I remember wanting to tell my mom so badly about what was going on , but I told my best friend at school who convinced me I had to say something , so I did . My mom was shocked , but I don 't think she ever told my godmother . " I started to cry . " I know I shouldn 't feel bad right now , but I do . I don 't know why . I shouldn 't be wasting our time together telling you about this … sorry , yeah , I don 't know why I 'm telling you about this . " You asked me out and took me to my favorite art gallery where they had poetry and jazz and paintings and everything in the world that I loved , maybe , including you . We took a walk back in the cold , and you gave me a piggyback ride and I could tell you wanted to kiss me but we had to pee , so I said I had the keys to the store where I worked and where we met . Maybe my boss would be mad but she would never find out if I didn 't tell her . You kissed me and said come over , then you drove me home while the radio played a song I knew , and I ended up on your soft mattress , and I made the bed the next day after you left for work and you texted me later to say thank you . I went to work late . I think my boss was mad . But I didn 't care because I felt so happy . While on vacation you asked me to send pictures of the beach . I sent you a picture of a face I made out of leaves I made while talking to my father on the phone and then a picture of me wearing a mermaid 's dress made of scales . You replied hm , that 's sexy . Today went for massage because I felt like it . I thought about how men always get tricked into a happy ending massage . After the masseuse had left I noticed the size my tits in the mirror for a bit . They used to be so firm and perky when I was in shape , but now they seem heavier and rounder . I pose in the as I imagine a pin - up model would . I go into the bathroom and give the happy ending to myself . I came over hungry even though I already ate dinner and devoured some peanut butter cups you had leftover while you taught me to play chess . We watched the news , and you said wow shit is seriously messed up out there , cops killing people . I said Maybe they shouldn 't carry guns . You said Yeah , but we don 't want cops who are pussies you know . Later you ate me out on your kitchen counter - top beside the chess set . In the morning you left for work , and I ate the rest of the peanut butter cups while I watched TV alone . You texted me to tell me you ran into the homeless lady that we fed and housed a few weeks ago outside your workplace on the other side of town . While watching TV , I learned something about those indigo children on Ancient Aliens . Then I read an entire book by Herman Hesse . It felt good to be fed by you and be given the to keys to your empty house . Let me tell you a little bit about the way we have sex . I don 't feel like I need a shield with you . You talk about things I use to fantasize about often , like getting spanked or choked , saying please before I came or do anything you asked me too . It scares me a bit , and I think you know it . I had a boyfriend who used to do things I never asked for but he 's in the past . You changed your tone a bit one day and instead started saying " May I touch for my own pleasure ? " and honestly I had never felt so liberated by a question . To be used for your pleasure and knowing you would be pleased by it without having to communicate that . Knowing I could use you back too in any way I choose . You asked me How do you feel when you watch porn ? I said that I don 't . I used to I always felt kind of gross afterward . You said Yeah , me too . That 's why I don 't either anymore . It never felt like we had a separate transition into sex . It was foreplay , all of it . I would look at your body , all of it , even the light bluish glow that surrounded you from the motion light from the house across from my window . " I never really thought I was sexy until you said it . " You clung to me afterward . We moved to separate sides to sleep then embraced in the morning . You asked me what I dreamt about , and I always told you . Sometimes I dream about you and sometimes about you and your mother . And then I asked you what you dream about and you just said Your dreams were strange . I made your bed again after for you after you left for coffee with your friends . I sat on your porch and read a book that my mother sent me in the mail about love while I combed my hair . Between the things you tell me , I suppose you are seeking freedom for yourself too . I have a question for you . If you too are a seeker , who knows God 's power constantly and asks God consistently for guidance , and with whom I feel God 's love considerably , why do you still reject anything that resembles intimacy ? After work , you said I want to take a walk with you . I took you to a log I liked in the woods . You said I can 't help but feel like something is missing between us . I said Yeah , Maybe we need to end this . I straddled the log , and then I kissed you . You said Okay , maybe we can keep trying for a little bit and see where this goes . I never read DH Lawrence before today , but he reminded me of my uncle who wrote a book about him . When we traveled together , he would look at the advertisements in the airports and tell me which models were also porn stars . I asked him how he knew that ( because I didn 't think he had the Internet ) and he would say Well , I 'm a man so of course , I know that . I had a dream that you put a ladder against my window and climbed in . You joined me on my bed on the floor and cuddled with me amongst my pillows . You seemed safe and cozy in my arms . You put your head in my lap and cried started to confess everything to me until you changed to topic to my mattress and said I 'd like one of these too . Even in my dream , I remember thinking how That 's so like you , to change the topic to a material object like the mattress before you got real with me . And then to put everything you desired in the future tense , and never think of the having of it now . When I remind you all shadows need light , you asked me Okay , what do you mean by that . We suddenly hear two cats screaming , and we look out the window to see on a patch of grass a black cat and a white cat staring at each other waiting to see who will back down . You remind me animals never hold on their fight or flight response . I brought you over and said maybe we should end things and you said maybe we should just be friends without sex . You said that You 're really messed up in the head and I asked you how . You said it 's hard for you to see women as people not just sexually . You said Your mother never said anything nice to you . In the morning you asked me Why are you bothering to stay here with me ? How do you not find me annoying ? And you looked like you wanted to cry for the first time . I said because I guess I care about the people in my life . And you are someone that I care about . I am there to emotionally support them . I thought When I met you I felt my whole heart open . I draped myself living room couch unable to move and my roommate saying I 've never seen you so happy . I wanted to listen to voicemails to hear your voice and now I have it hear . A month ago I decided by the end of the month I 'll stay or go . We decided to be just friends and not sleep together , but did we really decide that ? Now you want to open up even more , but your mother never loved you , you never felt whole as a child . I thought What 's that all about ? what the hell am I supposed to do about that ? I spoke to you in a way I had never spoken to anyone . I never told you I made a promise to myself to fall in love this year and maybe that 's why I 'm still here . I came to your house to retrieve the bra I left and watched you do your work . I sat across from you at a safe distance and drank the water you offered me . I don 't believe we leave the things behind by accident , a part of us always wants to come back to claim more than the object itself . I 'd listen to you type away furiously . I needed to sit near you . I needed to read all you had written , some critical report you had completed yourself . Seemed to me to be more about the economic fate of some developing country with no option to opt out . You began to massage my wrist delicately Suddenly I knew why were hurting me . I said I need to talk to you . I need you to see more . I asked What value am I to you ? You said I don 't know . I thought maybe I am just a whore to you . I said Look . I really like you . Look . You are hurting me . I couldn 't even look at you . I started to cry . You said nothing . I asked you What are you thinking ? You said I 'm thinking I 'm worried I 'll run into you again at the store where we met . I said You know I don 't work there any more . You just stared at me . I said Why are you looking at me like that ? You said Well , Why are you staring at me ? I said I 'm sorry for taking you away from your work . I thought Why the fuck am I apologizing ? You said You don 't need to apologize . I thought I just want you to say you love me . You said I 'm glad you were brave enough to do this . I said I need to leave now . At the door , you stuffed your hands into your pockets so tightly that your veins were protruding and you hung your head down . You asked me Do you want a hug ? I said Yes , I do . I started to cry over your shoulder . I said Look , I know you are a good person . I thought I don 't know how you managed to be both an abuser and my healer . You said Tell me how I 'm a good person . I said You think about it . I thought You know it 's not my duty to heal the depth of self - loathing you 've had last April . Your roommate was coming in the door and I didn 't want him to see me so I left right away . When I got outside , I folded myself in two on the stoop next to your house . I started crying . In the dark , at least ten people walked past me before a man wearing ragged clothing stumbled past . Those who thought " I don 't see this world way others see it , " are the ones who pushed on evolution . Looking at an ant colony , I see them moving around methodically . They don 't allow the others to die off because they need each other like a small organism that has different parts that move and swell and fade . So when did the first ant decide to pick up a leaf ? Or when did the first one grow wings ? Why did that ant who grew wings survive ? How did it decide it was time to fly away ? What was that " stuff " inside that pushed it to grow faster ? She picked up her leather bound journal . She walked . Trying to understand . She spent most of her days doing nothing more than that . Wondering why God has brought her here to this lonely place with Nelson . He spent many days , drawing the beaks of birds and napping along the coastline . And what did she do ? Most days she found the heat unbearable . She learned to cook a few dishes from the locals and sat and read the three books she had brought with her . She had read them enough times that she could close her eyes and recite them from memory , line by line . In the evenings , they would sit and watch the sunset together , and she would nuzzle her head into the crook of his arm as he stroked her hair and told her about everything he had seen that day . He would talk into the waves about his research , and she would listen and slightly nod , offering an occasional question of which he would always try to answer . He would lean over and kiss the middle of her forehead , and with her eyes closed , she could see a bright white light flash from the point just below her hairline . She would begin to recite to him lines from the latest book she had been reading and use dramatic voices , feeling the rise and fall of his chest when he laughed . When the stars came out , they would build fires from palm leaves and driftwood and nearly fall asleep . The beach became a haven for scorpions and other creatures at night , so they would always retreat to their small cabin to make love , but usually , they would just fall asleep . She would always ask him " What dreams do you think you 'll have ? " and then they would play a little game . She would try to think of an object before they fell asleep and see if the other could secretly send the image along while they slept and then check back on their accuracy in the morning . Him , lying on his back and her , curled up like a newborn at his side . They would usually wake up and report that they had had strange dreams , but could never completely communicate what exactly had happened to the other . Every morning , they rose with the sun , and she would prepare him a cup of coffee in a small tin mug with a red flower on it before he left for the day . He would review his notes , and she would finish making breakfast before he left for the day . Nearly six months of this simple life and she had recorded almost every day in a small pocket calendar she left at her bedside . When she wrote , she imagined addressing writing a note to her mother , asking questions like Are the kittens growing ? Has my sister purchased a crib for the baby ? The thought of going back to her former world seemed so far into a place unknown ; she hardly remembered their old address or the names of her neighbors . Everything there seemed very mundane , and she hardly cared to wonder anymore . She could not communicate orally to the locals in the village , but that had not stopped her from attempting to socialize . After all , she needed social interaction outside from Nelson . On market day she would see her two close friends . The first , an old man who sat on the side of a linen shop and hummed tunes into an old flute . He had given her one , and they would play together on occasion . At first , he was not the best teacher . He would simply take the flute and rapidly flow into an old folk song he had memorized by heart , nodding to her and expecting her to repeat in turn . But after listening many times , she became fairly nimble with the instrument and came up with some tunes of her own . Before market days , he would always bring her a freshly picked bag of mangos from his orchard , yet she never knew how to express gratitude to the old man that provided for her , unconditionally . Her second friend was a school - aged boy with a lazy eye who spent his afternoons out of school by the yogurt cart in town with his grandfather . He spent his days drawing pictures of animals on the back of his school primers . One day , she came to buy a cold yogurt and sat with the boy , giving him one of Nelson notebooks he had brought along . She would draw a picture of something and say the word in her native tongue , and he would write the word in his language in return . She had learned quite a lot from him that way , and soon she found herself sitting with him after he had left school , doing homework from the same third - grade textbook he used for class and learning as much as she could . Occasionally , he would give her small gifts - a shiny pebble he had found on the shore or a piece of hard candy , and she would return the favor with a coin or a postcard from home . But her favorite gift of all appeared when she sat next to him , and he handed her a plate of fruit on which he had carved a pineapple into the shape of a small bird sitting on a branch . Aside from her two local friends , she had befriended another foreigner on the island . She remembered the shock she felt the day at the marketplace when they locked eyes and looked as if the other had seen a ghost . He was an American who had spent two tours fighting in the Persian Gulf War and had come to the island as a way to recover from all of the tragedy he had experienced , and in time married a local from the island . She felt overjoyed and immediately ran back to the house to tell Nelson who she had met . The American came by the next day . It was the first day she had seen her husband take his nose out of his notes and pick up a beer . The three of them talked until the moon rose over the shore . Her heart rejoiced in the male companionship her husband had found . After all , a husband and wife could only keep each other company for so long before they felt as if they were talking into a mirror . The American told the couple his stories . After two tours in the Persian Gulf , he came back to states to find himself homeless , drinking soup from a tin can he had pulled out of a dumpster until one day a woman from a Catholic charity mission cleaned him up and gave him a place to rest . He did not want to stay in the church for long , for fear of becoming converted , so he found work in a packaging plant and moved into a basement apartment of his own . One night , while walking home after a long night with his drinking buddies , a group of three teenage boys mugged him and broke his right leg , and he found himself out of work again and living off of his unemployment checks . He carted himself to the library on the weekends to an art therapy group reading Paradise Lost and making painted collages . He decided once he became physically healed he would heal his mind and spirit through travel . He had seen so many men die in the Army that he began to question the purpose of life itself . He wanted to see what was out there beyond the crumbling streets of America and war - torn villages of the Middle East . So after saving up enough for a one - way ticket , he sent himself to Africa , then hitchhiking his way through Asia , and eventually flying to Central America before settling here on the island where he married and built a small home on the side of a mountain . Both she had Nelson were so captivated by his stories that they would invite him to the cabin after his weekly trips to the market for produce . They always promised to go up and see his home , but terrible weather or illness always seemed to prevent them from taking that journey . One week , while Nelson 's was consumed in his research , she spent some time along with the foreigner . It was then that she began to notice things about him that didn 't seem quite right . He said and did things he had not in the presence of her husband , such as commenting on how overly lavish her clothing was for the island or occasionally brushing his hand along her waistline when he passed her while preparing dinner in the kitchen . One evening while the two were smoking cigarettes on the porch , he pulled out his small sketchpad from his back pocket . " Want to see a picture I drew of my wife ? " he asked . He flipped through pages to reveal a picture of a woman with full , round breasts . " Aren 't her eyes so beautiful ? " he said as he paused his index finger on the corner of the page . He began to talk about his wife and his plans to take her back to America with him and show her a civilized life . He expected she would cook and clean for him while he took a job at a financial institution , and put his degree in business to use . He hoped they would try to have children , but had come to suspect that his wife had been drinking some strange type of mountain herb that prevented her from " producing " the heir he desired . She did not understand , for when he drank with Nelson the American could always talk about how he could live forever on this idyllic island of bliss with his wife , and never return to home . When she asked why he never brought his wife along for a visit , he said the journey down the mountain would be too much of a strain on her and hinder her ability to carry his future children . When Nelson had left for a two - week - long excursion at sea to study the mating patterns of turtles , a terrible storm came to the island . In fear and loneliness of her husband 's return , she invited the American to stay with her for company and protection . He slept on a cot on the floor in the common room and occasionally on the hammock outside when the poor weather subsided . At night , she would sit and with him and chat while sewing and repairing holes Nelson 's torn trousers , sometimes tuning into the news on her AM radio or putting on a record to keep her mind off her longing for her husband 's return . She had stopped drinking and hardly ate more than a few pieces of fruit during the day , yet the knot in her stomach remained . During their evenings together , the American had taken up the habit of drinking vodka straight out of the bottle , chasing it with a beer . One night , the power went out , and she huddled next to him on the porch of their cabin , watching the rain pour mercilessly . " Will it be okay ? " Tears welled up in his eyes as he told her what he had seen in the military . The hundreds of men coming across his operating table , with missing limbs , open wounds , fractured skulls that revealed the bloody bits of ruptured brains . " My body , when it dies , it just is gone , nothing else , " he said . His tiny pupils looked at hers as if he was looking into nothingness . " And that terrifies me , death . I don 't know what comes after . " " There is another side , " she replied . " You know that of course . All of the near death experiences that you hear of , the white light that people see . The way they feel they are floating out of their body , going into heaven 's gate . " " Once , in Tibet , I witnessed a Sky Burial on the side of a mountain , " he began to speak as if he hadn 't even heard her comment . " I stood 500 meters away while I watched two men take their dead brother and lay him out for a pack of hungry vultures to pick apart . The flesh disappeared in a matter of minutes . All that was a stack of bones . The monk came with a knife and hacked away at the skeleton , then ground the bones into a paste with a motor . I watched the whole thing until nothing remained of the dead man 's body . I didn 't feel uncomfortable at all . But I wondered , had they felt invaded by my voyeurism ? How would I feel , if these men had come to America , and stood on the sidelines while they watched a priest lower my brother 's coffin into the ground ? Maybe they wouldn 't care . According to the Buddhists , death isn 't the end , and we are all reborn . Maybe we are all just a part of the circle of things , and it 's true that a man 's flesh is no more valuable than a vulture 's . He goes to the sky through the belly of the bird until it then too dies , decays , and becomes a part of the endless circle of things once again . " " When I go , I want to have a party , go out with a bang ! You know ? Prop me up in bed , give my friends a round of champagne and let them drip morphine into my blood until I take my final breath . " " There is a beautiful quote in here that says : ' I pray that death will not come and find me still unannihilated . ' In other words , man dies happy if there is no one to die , which means the ego has disappeared before death caught up with him . But you see , the knowledge of death helps the ego to disappear because it tells you that you can 't hang on . So what we need is to go out with a bang instead of a whimper . " She let out a faint weep . The American leaned over on her shoulder , twisting a lock of her hair with his index finger . " Does your husband ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are ? " he whispered . She gently pulled herself away from his soft grasp and swiftly returned into the darkness of the cabin . She curled her knees into her chest under and dragged the thin layer of sheets up and over her ears . She knew in that instant that she did not want to see the American anymore The American returned to his home on the mountain the following day without a word . Nelson returned from his journey seven days after that . The two of them sat in their usual spot on the shoreline , and he habitually leaned in to kiss her forehead , but this time she could feel the quiver on his lips . Something was not quite right . " We found a lot about the turtle 's mating habits and even more about their evolution , " he said . " The world needs to know this . It 's time I go back to publish our findings . Can you stay here ? And maintain our cabin ? As we promised , you know that . " She could feel the skin of her breastbone tighten , and she began to curl her knees into her chest . " Yes , of course , my love . " Looking up into his brown eyes , she twisted a lock of his wavy hair , hair that now nearly reached down to his shoulders . " I may get a haircut while I 'm back to , " he laughed , brushing her hand aside . " Will you be okay ? Three months alone is a longtime alone for you . Perhaps the American and his wife can come down to keep company . " The next morning she stood at the shoreline , watching his boat sail away . On the ship , there was life and noise ; she saw him searching for her ; sorrowfully he gazed at the pearly foam as if he knew she had thrown herself into the waves . She gracefully walked away , and her feet left fresh indentations in the sand , the only mark of life aside from a pack of vultures gnawing on a decaying fish by the jetty . She took a seat on the log by the anthill . Break the Rules I . Spirals At the farmer 's market I meet a man selling Kombucha . He says you may actually be able to alter the way your genes are expressed by certain microbes in your stomach . I say that I 'm reading a book on microbes but I don 't know what it 's called . I show him the DNA on a necklace I made the Natural History Museum yesterday . There 's me - in the spit around my neck - a pure expression of who I am . A microbe is an invisible force that could change all of that in just a swig . Who ever said God wasn 't real . Who ever said invisible forces have no factor on our lives . The Hirshhorn Museum calls me when I 'm sad and lonely . I go to feel something breathing between those empty walls . I go with the hope that I can walk out less confused . Three years ago , I came to interview in DC for a spot to teach in rural China . I walked into the Hirshhorn to find the museum was featuring art from the Chinese dissident Ai Wei Wei . Children 's backpacks lined the ceiling to count the dead in the Sichuan earthquake . A middle finger flicked off the White House and Tiananmen Square . The Bird 's Nest Olympic Stadium was big enough to hold the whole world inside to compete and oppressive enough to trap its creator under house arrest without a passport . Off to the land of " tofu - brick " buildings that crumble under corruption . Away from the swamp where the student 's from schools built in the early 1900s remain almost as segregated as they did upon the building 's conception . Today , I watch while a museum security guard tells a couple how to stand between two pillar - shaped mirrors in order to show their reflection . I ignore the exhibits ' large white canvases covered in tiny dots . If an order of dots is what 's to come , I suppose I find it more frightening than Ai Wei Wei 's dystopia . At least there , I found hope amidst the rubble . " Yes girl , this is my protest ! " I day dream on my bike ride back about a boy I met once who did street art . How we may have ended up if I hadn 't wanted to follow the rules so much rather than the laws that govern this universe . The world is moving towards fingerprinting technology now , you know , I say . " But a signature , will always stay the same . You can slice off a finger but you can 't steal the way someone moves . " I like to eat dinner and watch Chef 's Table . Perhaps is a phenomenon of not sitting to enjoy your own creation and needing that of another to truly feed you . Grant Schatz made food that can float and switches out strawberries for tomatoes . He lost his sense of taste to cancer and kept creating . Reborn when he took a sip of coffee after chemo , he made art on the dependence of others . It 's as if he said , " Look what I can make . Now let 's see if I still love how you look with my eyes closed . " |
Instead , I called my cousin , Maryanne , who isn 't really my cousin but the daughter of my aunt 's first husband , who killed himself when he jumped off the side of a bridge in the 80s . We don 't talk about that . Maryanne comes over with a J , and we sit on the front porch . I tell her I 'm not going to smoke because of the interview tomorrow , but I do anyway . We start to discuss things like how miserable we are at our jobs , the weirdest sex positions we 've done and how the pyramids in Egypt align with the stars in Orin 's Belt . I tell her a read a book by an Egyptian author recently for my translation class . As always she nodded her head and scrambled to change the subject and not focus my college education . I know she resents me because of it . " And do you remember the part when Jafar traps Jasmine inside of an hourglass ? At the end of the movie . " " When she can 't get out and she is crying for help ? And then Alladin comes and breaks the glass so she can escape . " " I never told anyone this , but I used to think about sex before I fell asleep . And not the usual kind of sex . After seeing that movie , all sorts of torturous devices came inside my head . I couldn 't fall asleep without thinking about it . I used to think of a woman inside of a spider 's web , the spider 's silk slowing wrapping around her body so that a man could later have her . I never really knew what it meant I just know I used to think about it . " " I never told anyone this either , but our godmother 's son used to touch me , while we were playing video games . I was only nine when it started . I don 't know for how long it went on . Maybe I was only seven or so , but I think nine . He was thirteen . I remember sitting there with a controller in my hand and his arms wrapped around me , feeling me . I forgave him . I remember a voice in my head saying ' Maybe he doesn 't know what he 's doing . ' Maybe he thinks it 's okay because someone did it to him . ' I thought my parents would be angry if they found out , so I never told them . ' Maybe it does feel good , ' I used to think . I learned to forget about it so quickly . He used to invite me to play board games with him under the covers of his bunk bed . I remember thinking ' Maybe if I asked my little brother to play with us , I would be safe . ' My brother shielded me . But then there was this time , I think at my dad 's work , in the childcare room at his office , and he pulled me into this rocket ship made of cardboard and pulled down his pants . All I remember was his Ninja Turtle underwear , and maybe something happened , maybe it didn 't , I don 't know … I guess I 've blocked it out . It stopped , I think one of the teachers walked into the room or something . I remember wanting to tell my mom so badly about what was going on , but I told my best friend at school who convinced me I had to say something , so I did . My mom was shocked , but I don 't think she ever told my godmother . " I started to cry . " I know I shouldn 't feel bad right now , but I do . I don 't know why . I shouldn 't be wasting our time together telling you about this … sorry , yeah , I don 't know why I 'm telling you about this . " You asked me out and took me to my favorite art gallery where they had poetry and jazz and paintings and everything in the world that I loved , maybe , including you . We took a walk back in the cold , and you gave me a piggyback ride and I could tell you wanted to kiss me but we had to pee , so I said I had the keys to the store where I worked and where we met . Maybe my boss would be mad but she would never find out if I didn 't tell her . You kissed me and said come over , then you drove me home while the radio played a song I knew , and I ended up on your soft mattress , and I made the bed the next day after you left for work and you texted me later to say thank you . I went to work late . I think my boss was mad . But I didn 't care because I felt so happy . While on vacation you asked me to send pictures of the beach . I sent you a picture of a face I made out of leaves I made while talking to my father on the phone and then a picture of me wearing a mermaid 's dress made of scales . You replied hm , that 's sexy . Today went for massage because I felt like it . I thought about how men always get tricked into a happy ending massage . After the masseuse had left I noticed the size my tits in the mirror for a bit . They used to be so firm and perky when I was in shape , but now they seem heavier and rounder . I pose in the as I imagine a pin - up model would . I go into the bathroom and give the happy ending to myself . I came over hungry even though I already ate dinner and devoured some peanut butter cups you had leftover while you taught me to play chess . We watched the news , and you said wow shit is seriously messed up out there , cops killing people . I said Maybe they shouldn 't carry guns . You said Yeah , but we don 't want cops who are pussies you know . Later you ate me out on your kitchen counter - top beside the chess set . In the morning you left for work , and I ate the rest of the peanut butter cups while I watched TV alone . You texted me to tell me you ran into the homeless lady that we fed and housed a few weeks ago outside your workplace on the other side of town . While watching TV , I learned something about those indigo children on Ancient Aliens . Then I read an entire book by Herman Hesse . It felt good to be fed by you and be given the to keys to your empty house . Let me tell you a little bit about the way we have sex . I don 't feel like I need a shield with you . You talk about things I use to fantasize about often , like getting spanked or choked , saying please before I came or do anything you asked me too . It scares me a bit , and I think you know it . I had a boyfriend who used to do things I never asked for but he 's in the past . You changed your tone a bit one day and instead started saying " May I touch for my own pleasure ? " and honestly I had never felt so liberated by a question . To be used for your pleasure and knowing you would be pleased by it without having to communicate that . Knowing I could use you back too in any way I choose . You asked me How do you feel when you watch porn ? I said that I don 't . I used to I always felt kind of gross afterward . You said Yeah , me too . That 's why I don 't either anymore . It never felt like we had a separate transition into sex . It was foreplay , all of it . I would look at your body , all of it , even the light bluish glow that surrounded you from the motion light from the house across from my window . " I never really thought I was sexy until you said it . " You clung to me afterward . We moved to separate sides to sleep then embraced in the morning . You asked me what I dreamt about , and I always told you . Sometimes I dream about you and sometimes about you and your mother . And then I asked you what you dream about and you just said Your dreams were strange . I made your bed again after for you after you left for coffee with your friends . I sat on your porch and read a book that my mother sent me in the mail about love while I combed my hair . Between the things you tell me , I suppose you are seeking freedom for yourself too . I have a question for you . If you too are a seeker , who knows God 's power constantly and asks God consistently for guidance , and with whom I feel God 's love considerably , why do you still reject anything that resembles intimacy ? After work , you said I want to take a walk with you . I took you to a log I liked in the woods . You said I can 't help but feel like something is missing between us . I said Yeah , Maybe we need to end this . I straddled the log , and then I kissed you . You said Okay , maybe we can keep trying for a little bit and see where this goes . I never read DH Lawrence before today , but he reminded me of my uncle who wrote a book about him . When we traveled together , he would look at the advertisements in the airports and tell me which models were also porn stars . I asked him how he knew that ( because I didn 't think he had the Internet ) and he would say Well , I 'm a man so of course , I know that . I had a dream that you put a ladder against my window and climbed in . You joined me on my bed on the floor and cuddled with me amongst my pillows . You seemed safe and cozy in my arms . You put your head in my lap and cried started to confess everything to me until you changed to topic to my mattress and said I 'd like one of these too . Even in my dream , I remember thinking how That 's so like you , to change the topic to a material object like the mattress before you got real with me . And then to put everything you desired in the future tense , and never think of the having of it now . When I remind you all shadows need light , you asked me Okay , what do you mean by that . We suddenly hear two cats screaming , and we look out the window to see on a patch of grass a black cat and a white cat staring at each other waiting to see who will back down . You remind me animals never hold on their fight or flight response . I brought you over and said maybe we should end things and you said maybe we should just be friends without sex . You said that You 're really messed up in the head and I asked you how . You said it 's hard for you to see women as people not just sexually . You said Your mother never said anything nice to you . In the morning you asked me Why are you bothering to stay here with me ? How do you not find me annoying ? And you looked like you wanted to cry for the first time . I said because I guess I care about the people in my life . And you are someone that I care about . I am there to emotionally support them . I thought When I met you I felt my whole heart open . I draped myself living room couch unable to move and my roommate saying I 've never seen you so happy . I wanted to listen to voicemails to hear your voice and now I have it hear . A month ago I decided by the end of the month I 'll stay or go . We decided to be just friends and not sleep together , but did we really decide that ? Now you want to open up even more , but your mother never loved you , you never felt whole as a child . I thought What 's that all about ? what the hell am I supposed to do about that ? I spoke to you in a way I had never spoken to anyone . I never told you I made a promise to myself to fall in love this year and maybe that 's why I 'm still here . I came to your house to retrieve the bra I left and watched you do your work . I sat across from you at a safe distance and drank the water you offered me . I don 't believe we leave the things behind by accident , a part of us always wants to come back to claim more than the object itself . I 'd listen to you type away furiously . I needed to sit near you . I needed to read all you had written , some critical report you had completed yourself . Seemed to me to be more about the economic fate of some developing country with no option to opt out . You began to massage my wrist delicately Suddenly I knew why were hurting me . I said I need to talk to you . I need you to see more . I asked What value am I to you ? You said I don 't know . I thought maybe I am just a whore to you . I said Look . I really like you . Look . You are hurting me . I couldn 't even look at you . I started to cry . You said nothing . I asked you What are you thinking ? You said I 'm thinking I 'm worried I 'll run into you again at the store where we met . I said You know I don 't work there any more . You just stared at me . I said Why are you looking at me like that ? You said Well , Why are you staring at me ? I said I 'm sorry for taking you away from your work . I thought Why the fuck am I apologizing ? You said You don 't need to apologize . I thought I just want you to say you love me . You said I 'm glad you were brave enough to do this . I said I need to leave now . At the door , you stuffed your hands into your pockets so tightly that your veins were protruding and you hung your head down . You asked me Do you want a hug ? I said Yes , I do . I started to cry over your shoulder . I said Look , I know you are a good person . I thought I don 't know how you managed to be both an abuser and my healer . You said Tell me how I 'm a good person . I said You think about it . I thought You know it 's not my duty to heal the depth of self - loathing you 've had last April . Your roommate was coming in the door and I didn 't want him to see me so I left right away . When I got outside , I folded myself in two on the stoop next to your house . I started crying . In the dark , at least ten people walked past me before a man wearing ragged clothing stumbled past . Those who thought " I don 't see this world way others see it , " are the ones who pushed on evolution . Looking at an ant colony , I see them moving around methodically . They don 't allow the others to die off because they need each other like a small organism that has different parts that move and swell and fade . So when did the first ant decide to pick up a leaf ? Or when did the first one grow wings ? Why did that ant who grew wings survive ? How did it decide it was time to fly away ? What was that " stuff " inside that pushed it to grow faster ? She picked up her leather bound journal . She walked . Trying to understand . She spent most of her days doing nothing more than that . Wondering why God has brought her here to this lonely place with Nelson . He spent many days , drawing the beaks of birds and napping along the coastline . And what did she do ? Most days she found the heat unbearable . She learned to cook a few dishes from the locals and sat and read the three books she had brought with her . She had read them enough times that she could close her eyes and recite them from memory , line by line . In the evenings , they would sit and watch the sunset together , and she would nuzzle her head into the crook of his arm as he stroked her hair and told her about everything he had seen that day . He would talk into the waves about his research , and she would listen and slightly nod , offering an occasional question of which he would always try to answer . He would lean over and kiss the middle of her forehead , and with her eyes closed , she could see a bright white light flash from the point just below her hairline . She would begin to recite to him lines from the latest book she had been reading and use dramatic voices , feeling the rise and fall of his chest when he laughed . When the stars came out , they would build fires from palm leaves and driftwood and nearly fall asleep . The beach became a haven for scorpions and other creatures at night , so they would always retreat to their small cabin to make love , but usually , they would just fall asleep . She would always ask him " What dreams do you think you 'll have ? " and then they would play a little game . She would try to think of an object before they fell asleep and see if the other could secretly send the image along while they slept and then check back on their accuracy in the morning . Him , lying on his back and her , curled up like a newborn at his side . They would usually wake up and report that they had had strange dreams , but could never completely communicate what exactly had happened to the other . Every morning , they rose with the sun , and she would prepare him a cup of coffee in a small tin mug with a red flower on it before he left for the day . He would review his notes , and she would finish making breakfast before he left for the day . Nearly six months of this simple life and she had recorded almost every day in a small pocket calendar she left at her bedside . When she wrote , she imagined addressing writing a note to her mother , asking questions like Are the kittens growing ? Has my sister purchased a crib for the baby ? The thought of going back to her former world seemed so far into a place unknown ; she hardly remembered their old address or the names of her neighbors . Everything there seemed very mundane , and she hardly cared to wonder anymore . She could not communicate orally to the locals in the village , but that had not stopped her from attempting to socialize . After all , she needed social interaction outside from Nelson . On market day she would see her two close friends . The first , an old man who sat on the side of a linen shop and hummed tunes into an old flute . He had given her one , and they would play together on occasion . At first , he was not the best teacher . He would simply take the flute and rapidly flow into an old folk song he had memorized by heart , nodding to her and expecting her to repeat in turn . But after listening many times , she became fairly nimble with the instrument and came up with some tunes of her own . Before market days , he would always bring her a freshly picked bag of mangos from his orchard , yet she never knew how to express gratitude to the old man that provided for her , unconditionally . Her second friend was a school - aged boy with a lazy eye who spent his afternoons out of school by the yogurt cart in town with his grandfather . He spent his days drawing pictures of animals on the back of his school primers . One day , she came to buy a cold yogurt and sat with the boy , giving him one of Nelson notebooks he had brought along . She would draw a picture of something and say the word in her native tongue , and he would write the word in his language in return . She had learned quite a lot from him that way , and soon she found herself sitting with him after he had left school , doing homework from the same third - grade textbook he used for class and learning as much as she could . Occasionally , he would give her small gifts - a shiny pebble he had found on the shore or a piece of hard candy , and she would return the favor with a coin or a postcard from home . But her favorite gift of all appeared when she sat next to him , and he handed her a plate of fruit on which he had carved a pineapple into the shape of a small bird sitting on a branch . Aside from her two local friends , she had befriended another foreigner on the island . She remembered the shock she felt the day at the marketplace when they locked eyes and looked as if the other had seen a ghost . He was an American who had spent two tours fighting in the Persian Gulf War and had come to the island as a way to recover from all of the tragedy he had experienced , and in time married a local from the island . She felt overjoyed and immediately ran back to the house to tell Nelson who she had met . The American came by the next day . It was the first day she had seen her husband take his nose out of his notes and pick up a beer . The three of them talked until the moon rose over the shore . Her heart rejoiced in the male companionship her husband had found . After all , a husband and wife could only keep each other company for so long before they felt as if they were talking into a mirror . The American told the couple his stories . After two tours in the Persian Gulf , he came back to states to find himself homeless , drinking soup from a tin can he had pulled out of a dumpster until one day a woman from a Catholic charity mission cleaned him up and gave him a place to rest . He did not want to stay in the church for long , for fear of becoming converted , so he found work in a packaging plant and moved into a basement apartment of his own . One night , while walking home after a long night with his drinking buddies , a group of three teenage boys mugged him and broke his right leg , and he found himself out of work again and living off of his unemployment checks . He carted himself to the library on the weekends to an art therapy group reading Paradise Lost and making painted collages . He decided once he became physically healed he would heal his mind and spirit through travel . He had seen so many men die in the Army that he began to question the purpose of life itself . He wanted to see what was out there beyond the crumbling streets of America and war - torn villages of the Middle East . So after saving up enough for a one - way ticket , he sent himself to Africa , then hitchhiking his way through Asia , and eventually flying to Central America before settling here on the island where he married and built a small home on the side of a mountain . Both she had Nelson were so captivated by his stories that they would invite him to the cabin after his weekly trips to the market for produce . They always promised to go up and see his home , but terrible weather or illness always seemed to prevent them from taking that journey . One week , while Nelson 's was consumed in his research , she spent some time along with the foreigner . It was then that she began to notice things about him that didn 't seem quite right . He said and did things he had not in the presence of her husband , such as commenting on how overly lavish her clothing was for the island or occasionally brushing his hand along her waistline when he passed her while preparing dinner in the kitchen . One evening while the two were smoking cigarettes on the porch , he pulled out his small sketchpad from his back pocket . " Want to see a picture I drew of my wife ? " he asked . He flipped through pages to reveal a picture of a woman with full , round breasts . " Aren 't her eyes so beautiful ? " he said as he paused his index finger on the corner of the page . He began to talk about his wife and his plans to take her back to America with him and show her a civilized life . He expected she would cook and clean for him while he took a job at a financial institution , and put his degree in business to use . He hoped they would try to have children , but had come to suspect that his wife had been drinking some strange type of mountain herb that prevented her from " producing " the heir he desired . She did not understand , for when he drank with Nelson the American could always talk about how he could live forever on this idyllic island of bliss with his wife , and never return to home . When she asked why he never brought his wife along for a visit , he said the journey down the mountain would be too much of a strain on her and hinder her ability to carry his future children . When Nelson had left for a two - week - long excursion at sea to study the mating patterns of turtles , a terrible storm came to the island . In fear and loneliness of her husband 's return , she invited the American to stay with her for company and protection . He slept on a cot on the floor in the common room and occasionally on the hammock outside when the poor weather subsided . At night , she would sit and with him and chat while sewing and repairing holes Nelson 's torn trousers , sometimes tuning into the news on her AM radio or putting on a record to keep her mind off her longing for her husband 's return . She had stopped drinking and hardly ate more than a few pieces of fruit during the day , yet the knot in her stomach remained . During their evenings together , the American had taken up the habit of drinking vodka straight out of the bottle , chasing it with a beer . One night , the power went out , and she huddled next to him on the porch of their cabin , watching the rain pour mercilessly . " Will it be okay ? " Tears welled up in his eyes as he told her what he had seen in the military . The hundreds of men coming across his operating table , with missing limbs , open wounds , fractured skulls that revealed the bloody bits of ruptured brains . " My body , when it dies , it just is gone , nothing else , " he said . His tiny pupils looked at hers as if he was looking into nothingness . " And that terrifies me , death . I don 't know what comes after . " " There is another side , " she replied . " You know that of course . All of the near death experiences that you hear of , the white light that people see . The way they feel they are floating out of their body , going into heaven 's gate . " " Once , in Tibet , I witnessed a Sky Burial on the side of a mountain , " he began to speak as if he hadn 't even heard her comment . " I stood 500 meters away while I watched two men take their dead brother and lay him out for a pack of hungry vultures to pick apart . The flesh disappeared in a matter of minutes . All that was a stack of bones . The monk came with a knife and hacked away at the skeleton , then ground the bones into a paste with a motor . I watched the whole thing until nothing remained of the dead man 's body . I didn 't feel uncomfortable at all . But I wondered , had they felt invaded by my voyeurism ? How would I feel , if these men had come to America , and stood on the sidelines while they watched a priest lower my brother 's coffin into the ground ? Maybe they wouldn 't care . According to the Buddhists , death isn 't the end , and we are all reborn . Maybe we are all just a part of the circle of things , and it 's true that a man 's flesh is no more valuable than a vulture 's . He goes to the sky through the belly of the bird until it then too dies , decays , and becomes a part of the endless circle of things once again . " " When I go , I want to have a party , go out with a bang ! You know ? Prop me up in bed , give my friends a round of champagne and let them drip morphine into my blood until I take my final breath . " " There is a beautiful quote in here that says : ' I pray that death will not come and find me still unannihilated . ' In other words , man dies happy if there is no one to die , which means the ego has disappeared before death caught up with him . But you see , the knowledge of death helps the ego to disappear because it tells you that you can 't hang on . So what we need is to go out with a bang instead of a whimper . " She let out a faint weep . The American leaned over on her shoulder , twisting a lock of her hair with his index finger . " Does your husband ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are ? " he whispered . She gently pulled herself away from his soft grasp and swiftly returned into the darkness of the cabin . She curled her knees into her chest under and dragged the thin layer of sheets up and over her ears . She knew in that instant that she did not want to see the American anymore The American returned to his home on the mountain the following day without a word . Nelson returned from his journey seven days after that . The two of them sat in their usual spot on the shoreline , and he habitually leaned in to kiss her forehead , but this time she could feel the quiver on his lips . Something was not quite right . " We found a lot about the turtle 's mating habits and even more about their evolution , " he said . " The world needs to know this . It 's time I go back to publish our findings . Can you stay here ? And maintain our cabin ? As we promised , you know that . " She could feel the skin of her breastbone tighten , and she began to curl her knees into her chest . " Yes , of course , my love . " Looking up into his brown eyes , she twisted a lock of his wavy hair , hair that now nearly reached down to his shoulders . " I may get a haircut while I 'm back to , " he laughed , brushing her hand aside . " Will you be okay ? Three months alone is a longtime alone for you . Perhaps the American and his wife can come down to keep company . " The next morning she stood at the shoreline , watching his boat sail away . On the ship , there was life and noise ; she saw him searching for her ; sorrowfully he gazed at the pearly foam as if he knew she had thrown herself into the waves . She gracefully walked away , and her feet left fresh indentations in the sand , the only mark of life aside from a pack of vultures gnawing on a decaying fish by the jetty . She took a seat on the log by the anthill . Break the Rules I . Spirals At the farmer 's market I meet a man selling Kombucha . He says you may actually be able to alter the way your genes are expressed by certain microbes in your stomach . I say that I 'm reading a book on microbes but I don 't know what it 's called . I show him the DNA on a necklace I made the Natural History Museum yesterday . There 's me - in the spit around my neck - a pure expression of who I am . A microbe is an invisible force that could change all of that in just a swig . Who ever said God wasn 't real . Who ever said invisible forces have no factor on our lives . The Hirshhorn Museum calls me when I 'm sad and lonely . I go to feel something breathing between those empty walls . I go with the hope that I can walk out less confused . Three years ago , I came to interview in DC for a spot to teach in rural China . I walked into the Hirshhorn to find the museum was featuring art from the Chinese dissident Ai Wei Wei . Children 's backpacks lined the ceiling to count the dead in the Sichuan earthquake . A middle finger flicked off the White House and Tiananmen Square . The Bird 's Nest Olympic Stadium was big enough to hold the whole world inside to compete and oppressive enough to trap its creator under house arrest without a passport . Off to the land of " tofu - brick " buildings that crumble under corruption . Away from the swamp where the student 's from schools built in the early 1900s remain almost as segregated as they did upon the building 's conception . Today , I watch while a museum security guard tells a couple how to stand between two pillar - shaped mirrors in order to show their reflection . I ignore the exhibits ' large white canvases covered in tiny dots . If an order of dots is what 's to come , I suppose I find it more frightening than Ai Wei Wei 's dystopia . At least there , I found hope amidst the rubble . " Yes girl , this is my protest ! " I day dream on my bike ride back about a boy I met once who did street art . How we may have ended up if I hadn 't wanted to follow the rules so much rather than the laws that govern this universe . The world is moving towards fingerprinting technology now , you know , I say . " But a signature , will always stay the same . You can slice off a finger but you can 't steal the way someone moves . " I like to eat dinner and watch Chef 's Table . Perhaps is a phenomenon of not sitting to enjoy your own creation and needing that of another to truly feed you . Grant Schatz made food that can float and switches out strawberries for tomatoes . He lost his sense of taste to cancer and kept creating . Reborn when he took a sip of coffee after chemo , he made art on the dependence of others . It 's as if he said , " Look what I can make . Now let 's see if I still love how you look with my eyes closed . " |
The Snow Globe Author 's Note : This was written for the Kittyinaz December 2015 Writing Challenge . Thanks to Ms Buffy who took the time to beta my work . The piece was voted first , and I believe the difference was in her polishing . Thank you ! Disclaimer : All publicly recognizable characters , settings , etc . are the property of their respective owners . The original characters and plot are the property of the author . The author is in no way associated with the owners , creators , or producers of any media franchise . No copyright infringement is intended . Sookie looked at the snow globe that sat in its special Plexiglas box above the cash register . It had been just about this time three years ago that her life had begun . She smiled , remembering how , at the time , she thought her life was ending , but that was the funny thing about fate . It came when you least expected it . Sookie and John Quinn married right out of high school . He was the town 's golden boy , captain of the football team and everyone 's favorite son . He was louder and stronger than anyone else . His classmates revered him and mothers wished he would date their daughters . No one understood why he chose mousy , stick - in - the - mud Sookie for his girl , not even Sookie . In her junior year he had seen her in the library . He smiled at her in that larger - than - life way he had and he held out his hand . She shyly offered her own and that was that . John started to give her rides home , and then he gave her rides to school . He walked her between classes and brought her to his games . Gran was so happy her Sookie had landed the town hero ; she just about threw her granddaughter into John Quinn 's arms . In no time the little house on Hummingbird Lane was crowded with pictures of Sookie and John . There were pictures with John in his football uniform and pictures at his sports banquets . There were pictures of the two of them before junior prom and then before senior prom . It was the night of the senior prom that John asked her to marry him and she couldn 't say no . He 'd taken her virginity later that same night after the dance in a room at the Motel 6 . Sookie knew that meant it was forever and within a few months of graduation , she was standing in the little church she had attended most of her life , being married . They moved in with John 's mama in another little house on the other side of town . John already had a job at the local lumber mill and Sookie was expected to learn how to be the right kind of wife for him under his mama 's supervision . Every Sunday they would go to afternoon supper at her Gran 's house following Church . Most nights John would go out without her . Some nights he went to the gym . Other nights he went out with some of the fellows from the mill . For the first year of their marriage , at least two nights a week , they would go out , just the two of them . ' Date nights ' John called them . During the day Sookie worked as a waitress at First Alarm . It was a restaurant right in town that only served breakfast and lunch . It was close to where they lived and Sookie walked there most days . It was a popular place , and people liked her ready smile and her ability to remember their orders . Her tips were good and Sookie used the money to buy small things . Most of the money she gave to John for their bank account . They were saving to buy a third car , one for Sookie . Yet as their marriage passed its second anniversary , John started finding reasons not to go on Date Nights . That didn 't mean that he didn 't want to make love , it just meant he would wake her up when he got home . Sometimes he was gentle and loving about it , sometimes not so much . He was a big man and Sookie knew that what John said went . That 's how it was . She also knew that he didn 't want any children yet and she made sure of that too . She didn 't want to disappoint him . She never had , but somehow she knew that if she did , it would not go well for her . Then one night , close to their third anniversary , John 's mama said she wasn 't feeling well . John wasn 't home , but that wasn 't unusual . John 's mama told Sookie she had a sick headache and she needed Motrin . She told Sookie to drive to the Walmart using the car her son bought her . Sookie drove slowly ; worried she would get in an accident . As she put on the turn signal to enter the parking lot , she could see flashing lights ahead . She pulled into the lot and found herself walking with the rest of the crowd to see what happened . Theirs was a small town and everyone knew that if there was an accident , it was likely someone you knew or knew of . As she walked closer , her arms wrapped around her , she could see Sheriff Andy Bellefleur . His face was grave . She could see the outline of the twisted car and something in her head went numb . The car was John 's car . There was an ambulance . In front of her a woman said , " Oh my God , they 're dead ! " Holly didn 't say , and then Andy Bellefleur was there , telling her that he would take her home . There was a buzzing in her head . The fire engine arrived , and people were shifting back and forth , giving her glimpses of the car , and then the outlines of two heads . " Who 's in the car with John ? " Sookie asked Andy . She could tell he knew , but he took her arm and turned her to walk in the other direction . When they pulled up at the little house in the police car , John 's mama was on the sidewalk , her face twisted with grief . When Sookie stepped out of the car , John 's mama slapped her . She yelled , " If you 'd been a better wife to my boy , he wouldn 't have stepped out on you ! He would have been happy to stay home ! You 're the reason my boy is dead ! " and she grabbed Sookie 's arm and shook her as if she was a dog . Andy stepped in between them and yelled at John 's mama , telling her she was crazy . He picked Sookie up from the ground where she had fallen and took her back to her Gran 's house . Sookie didn 't like to think about the funeral . John 's mama had refused to allow Sookie to stand with her at the head of the receiving line . She told anyone and everyone that Sookie was the reason John was dead . Sookie found out that it was Dawn , a girl who had been a few years behind them at school , who met her death in the car . The whole town seemed to know that John was seeing Dawn and had been for some time . Everyone knew , except Sookie . When Sookie returned to work three weeks later , she found that folks decided that John was the best thing that ever happened to her . They decided he was also the last thing that would ever happen to her . They treated her as if she was the one who died . They watched her with sad eyes . Women patted her hand and men looked at her with pity . No one bothered to lower their voice when they told their companion across the table , " Poor Sookie ! Her life is over now . " Sookie knew . Who would want to defile the memory of the town hero , the golden John Quinn , by being with his bad luck widow ? Gran was stunned when Sookie told her she decided to move to New Orleans . Amelia Broadway , a woman she had known since they were girls together , had called Sookie a month after the funeral . Amelia apologized for not offering her condolences sooner , but she hadn 't heard the news right away . The conversation was awkward . Sookie was pretty sure Amelia had slept with John in high school , but then again , Sookie was slowly finding out through the whispered words of ' well - wishers ' that John had slept with a lot of people both before and after they 'd been married . When Amelia started talking about the restaurant where she worked in New Orleans , Sookie found herself asking if the restaurant was hiring . Amelia was so surprised she stammered out , ' They 're always hiring . " Sookie couldn 't believe she 'd asked the question . Even more , she couldn 't believe Amelia 's answer and she had sat in silence until Amelia said , " Well , I guess if you 're interested , you could come live with me for a while . " When there was more silence , Amelia asked , " Are you interested ? " Amelia 's apartment was small . Sookie told Amelia that she would find a job or return home . " I appreciate you saying that , " Amelia nodded , " Keeps me from throwing out a widow . " It was the first time Sookie heard the word applied to her . She suspected folks said it behind her back , but hearing it said to her face made her feel as old as Gran . Sookie put her things in the hall closet and agreed to sleep on the fold - out couch . Together they went grocery shopping and the next morning , Amelia took Sookie to meet Sam Merlotte , the owner of Fous du Matin . It was a Tuesday , but Sookie could see that the kitchen was either getting ready for a crowd or fixing to throw out a lot of food . Grits were bubbling in huge pots . There were long - handled pans with sauces and there was a wine cooler that had been converted to hold eggs . A stand - up oven held trays of bacon and another held trays of boudin sausage . Sookie was familiar with some aspects of Creole cooking , but some of the things she glanced at as she walked through the kitchen to Sam 's office were a mystery . She knew there were eyes on her , but she kept hers carefully fixed on the floor . Sookie had met black men before , but never one that looked like Sam Merlotte . He was broad shouldered and his skin was the color of café of lait . That wasn 't unusual . It was the ginger hair and blue eyes that threw her . He didn 't bother standing up as Amelia explained who Sookie was and why she needed a job . Sookie heard the word ' widow ' a couple times and ' home town . ' Sam stared at her all the while and Sookie could feel herself start to blush . Sookie was blond and fair skinned . She knew that when she blushed it was a whole body thing . It crept up the back of her neck and swept over her ears before making it all the way around to encompass the tip of her nose . She swallowed nervously , and when Sam asked , " You have any experience ? " she jumped before answering . " Yes , sir , " she squeaked . Sookie swallowed , pushed up her courage , and said in a steadier voice , " Yes , sir , I do . I worked the past two years at the First Alarm . It 's a breakfast and lunch place back home . We 're pretty well hopping until close . " Sookie finished by saying with not a little pride , " Best grits in two counties ! " Sam smiled then , " Well , Cher , you just sayin ' that cause you ain 't tasted my grits , " and then he winked at her in a way that made her realize that what he said might have two meanings , and she blushed more . Beside her Amelia laughed and there was something in the look that passed between Sam and Amelia . Sookie knew then that Sam was Amelia 's boyfriend . " Well , you look like you 're dressed okay , " Sam said more conversationally and he stood up , " Grab an apron and let 's see how you do . " He glanced back at Amelia , " Give her a menu and let her shadow you . You think she 's ready , you let her take a couple tables , " and he confirmed Sookie 's suspicion by kissing the tip of Amelia 's nose before walking past them and into the kitchen . " There ! " Amelia said , gesturing to a box of aprons that were folded . They were longer than Sookie was used to . She passed the loop over her head and reached into her pocket for a band to pull her hair up into a ponytail . She took the ends of the apron ties and wrapped them around her , making a bow in front . She had lost some weight since the funeral and it was times like this that reminded her . She looked down at the design that was embroidered across her chest . It was a Mardi Gras fool in a three - pointed hat . He was sewn in greens , yellows , and purples , as he danced across the black cloth . " Our logo , " Amelia gestured with her chin . " He 's a breakfast fool ! " Amelia also grabbed a fresh apron and explained they always took one from the box when their shift started and deposited it in the rolling basket when they left . There was a drawer in a filing cabinet for purses . Amelia showed Sookie the rows of shallow shelves next to the door that led to the seating area and they spent the next ten minutes filling water glasses . When there were enough glasses , they went from table to table making sure salt and pepper shakers were filled and condiments were ready . When all the prep - work was finished , Amelia motioned toward the kitchen , " Come on . We all stand around and eat before the doors open . I 'll introduce you to the kitchen guys , " and together they walked into the kitchen . Sam was walking in from a meat locker and headed toward the back of the restaurant . Sookie heard him yell , " God damn it , Bill ! Smoking outside means smoking outside . It don 't mean standing in the door letting the flies in . I don 't give a shit if it 's raining . Your poison is your choice ! " Sam walked back into the kitchen and caught Sookie staring at him , " You don 't smoke , do you ? " he asked . " Damn , you sure are sweet ! " The man who said it walked around Sam . Sookie figured it must be the one called Bill , the one Sam had just yelled at . He was tall and dark - haired . He had sideburns which made Sookie smile a little . You just didn 't see those on a man that often anymore . " This is Bill Compton , " Amelia indicated with a wave of her hand . " And that , " the waitress gestured toward a black man in a colorful bandanna on his head who was chopping scallions , " is Lafayette . Don 't touch his knives . " The man chopping turned around and nodded in their direction , " You got that right , baby girl . " He turned his head just so , managing to look at Sookie over his shoulder and down his nose at the same time . There was something very feminine about the movement and Sookie watched him assess her before he turned back to his table . The door in the back slammed and another man walked in . " Oh , " Amelia said , " and this is Eric . Eric does most of the sauces and fancy cooking here . " Sookie found herself staring at a giant with blond hair . She figured if she were to stand next to him she 'd barely reach his shoulder , but what held her attention was the raised pattern of scarring that covered half his face . When she realized she was staring and he was staring back , she blushed even harder and dropped her eyes . " Pleased to meet you , " she stammered and held out her hand like they were meeting at church for the first time . " She 's trying out today , " Amelia volunteered . She turned to Sookie . " Come on , " and she pushed her friend toward the stack of china plates and , grabbing one for each of them , walked Sookie through the kitchen pointing out the different food choices and selecting some for her own breakfast . When they settled against the counter , Amelia shoulder bumped her , " You must have made an impression . Eric doesn 't like folks to touch him . " Sookie found her eyes drawn back to the tall man . He had wrapped his narrow hips with his apron ties . He wore a black short - sleeved t - shirt , and his arms bulged as he lifted pots and heavy pans into place . Bill and Lafayette were joking . Sam seemed to be within their circle , the three of them easy in the way of friends . Sookie had the impression that Eric was not . " That means the doors are opening , " Amelia told her and they moved their dishes to the back next to the dishwasher . Amelia glanced around , " Sweetie is late again , " she sighed . " Sweetie washes dishes and takes our bus bins . " A redhead brushed past them as they walked into the seating area . She shot Sookie a quick look and mumbled , " Good mornin ' " on her way through . " That 's Arlene , the other waitress , " Amelia told her . Sam unlocked the door and Sookie could see people lined up on the sidewalk . " We 'll be busy this morning , " Amelia told her . " Rain means no outside seating , but that won 't discourage folks none . They just grouse until a table opens up . " She shrugged , " Busy for us , but wet customers are bad tippers . " Sookie nodded . She knew how bad weather could put people out of sorts . At home she made an extra effort on days like today to share a smile and be friendly . She figured what worked on folks in her home town would work on city folks too , and for the next four hours she shadowed Amelia , rushing to fill water glasses and coffee cups . Amelia ran the espresso machine and by the end of the shift , Sookie could too . She learned the menu , order by order , and shuffled dirty dishes for both Arlene and Amelia back to the dishwasher . When Sweetie disappeared , Sookie figured for a bathroom or a smoke break , she loaded the dishwasher and stacked the hot plates coming out . She managed to hustle back and forth without dropping anything . Truth be told , the routine of waiting tables , smiling extra hard , and greeting strangers was comforting . It reminded her of the best parts of home . She didn 't miss folks reminding her that she was now ' poor Sookie , ' or the whispered conversations about who John had slept with and when he started cheating , the conversations she wasn 't supposed to hear . When the lull before lunch came , Sookie trailed Amelia back into Sam 's office . Her new roommate dumped her tips on the desk . " Wow , better than I expected , and you did good ! " Sookie nodded . Sam laughed at her before turning his head to nip at Amelia 's ear . He pulled her close and ground his hips against her backside . Amelia giggled , and Sookie scooted from the office , shutting the door behind her . It wasn 't that she was a prude ; it was just that Gran had been clear that what was private between a man and a woman should remain that way . Sookie believed that and always tried to treat what was between John and her with respect . She didn 't remember a time that John behaved with her the way Sam was behaving with Amelia , not when there were other people around . The thought made Sookie wonder . " We 'll see , " Arlene drawled . " Most gals can 't keep up with the pace in this place . You look so scrawny could be the next big wind that comes through here will just blow you away ! " and she laughed in a hard way . There was the sound as if something had fallen in Sam 's office and that sound was followed by a moan . Sookie couldn 't remember ever having blushed so many times in one day , but she knew her face was bright red again . Lafayette laughed and went into the back , returning with a damp , cool napkin . " You really are fresh off the farm , aren 't you ? " " I can handle myself , " Sookie shot back , but followed it with , " Thank you for the cloth . I appreciate it . " She used the napkin to cool her cheeks and moved further away from the office door . Arlene hopped up on the counter , " Sure hope they make it quick this time , I need to get to my purse . It 's my time of the month . I wouldn 't want to make some kind of mess because trim time is in the way . " " Nasty ? " she said with a sneer . " Nasty is knowing I 'm walking into Screw Central to get the apron I 'm wearing to serve customers every day ! " and Arlene hopped down . " I 'm going out back to catch a smoke , " She tossed her hair and looked in Bill Compton 's direction , " You coming ? " " She better hope she gets her monthlies , way she screws around , " Lafayette said too loudly to be ignored , but soft enough that folks didn 't have to respond . He turned to look at Sookie , " Amelia take you through the lunch menu yet ? " When Sookie shook her head , the sous chef walked over and linked his arm through hers , " Well then , I figure I better give you the ten cent tour . " Over the next fifteen minutes Lafayette told her about the menu selections and a bit about how each thing was made . As they approached the side of the kitchen dominated by Eric 's broad back and the bubbling pots , Sookie realized that she almost forgotten he was there . It was mind boggling how anyone could forget someone so large , but she realized there was something about him . He didn 't make eye contact . He didn 't engage in any of the conversations . His movements were spare . It was almost as though he made an art form of blending into the background . " So , Viking , what are the specials today ? " Lafayette asked . He turned to Sookie , " Eric is the real chef here . He makes all the calls on specials and menu changes . He just knows what appeals to folks . I think he must be part voodoo priest he figures it out so good . " " Catfish almandine , " Eric said . " Crab cakes with a shrimp remoulade , and a wilted spinach salad with duck and polenta . " He said the words to the grill , never looking at them once . Sookie worried that she 'd offended him earlier when she 'd stared at his face . Lafayette laughed , " Oh , we serve them too , but Eric here always makes sure they are something special , don 't you , Eric ? " If Eric heard he didn 't give any indication . Lafayette chuckled . Lafayette glanced over at the tall chef , " Don 't you worry your head about that ! That has nothing to do with you . Eric is just non - social . He treats everyone that way . Fact it , I think he likes you . If he didn 't , he probably would meet your eye , just to scare you with that face of his ! " Sookie couldn 't help herself , " Shush ! " she scolded the sous chef . " There 's no need to be mean . He can 't help how he looks any more than I can . " " Well , that 's a lie , " Arlene said loudly as she walked in from the back . She was wiping at her bottom lip with her finger . " There 's plenty you could do to make yourself look more attractive , " then she gave a sharp laugh , " but I bet it would be against your religion or something , " and she grinned at Bill . Bill was adjusting the waistband of his pants and he grinned back . " Now you stop funning the new girl , " and he patted Arlene 's backside . " Or maybe you should . She does get cute when she blushes . " Sookie felt her cheeks burn right away and even she found herself laughing helplessly along with the others . She was innocent in plenty of ways and she knew herself well enough to acknowledge it . The door to Sam 's office opened and Sam walked out first . He took a look around and said , " What are y ' all doing ? Waiting for lunch to fix itself ? " and everyone scattered , moving to the things that needed to be done to finish breaking down one meal menu and start serving the next . Lunch went well . Sam leaned against the front counter behind the register . " Well , Cher , you might as well come back tomorrow , " His grin made the toothpick in his mouth angle toward the ceiling and he winked . " You fit in just right ! " She and Amelia finished their side work and set tables for morning , and then they both headed for the back . Amelia handed Sookie thirty dollars from the roll of cash she pulled from her apron pocket . Sookie saw the way Sam looked at her new roommate , but she shrugged . It wasn 't up to her to tell a waitress how to split their tips . Amelia had taken time to train her . When Sookie had her own tables it would be different . Amelia shrugged , " Well , usually I just pick up a salad or a sandwich and head home . " She stopped in the street and looked down . " Look , Sookie , I should tell you that Sam sleeps over most nights . I have a door on the bedroom , but , well , that 's how it is . " Sookie swallowed and dug out her all - purpose sunny smile , " Look , Amelia , I don 't have any right to complain . I owe you for letting me stay with you . I 'll work hard and find another place as soon as I get my feet under me . I won 't crowd you , I promise . " " Oh , you 're no bother ! " Amelia was all smiles now . " Rents are kind of high around here . Figure you can help chip in some starting next week , " and she turned and continued walking . Amelia stopped to pick up a salad . Sookie bought herself one too from the money Amelia had handed her . No sooner had Amelia thrown her garbage away then she started pulling off clothes , heading into the bathroom for a shower . Sookie had intended to ask for a key , but her new roommate was half - naked , and in a wink , the door was closed . Sookie pulled out her phone and was about to dial Gran when Amelia started to sing from the bathroom . The houses Sookie had lived in were solid structures and sound didn 't carry much . The apartment seemed to amplify any noise and Sookie figured she 'd better head outside . Then she remembered that Amelia had not given her a key . Sookie looked at Amelia 's purse , but she knew opening it was against every room mate code there was . " Guess I 'll just use the buzzer , " she mumbled . After making sure the door was locked behind her , she walked down the stairs and then out the main door . It was a typical September evening and the humidity , combined with a full day of hustling in a restaurant , make her skin itch . Sookie glanced up and down the sidewalk as she pushed the contact button that would dial her Grandmother 's house . Sookie felt guilty , hearing the way her Gran asked it . " Not for a while , " she smiled , hoping her Gran would think she was happier than she felt . " You 'll never guess ! I have a job already ! " " What kind of job would that be ? " Gran 's tone turned sharp . " I remember that Amelia Broadway ! She was always a little too good for folks around here . She was one fast piece . Everyone says so . You are a good girl , Sookie Quinn . You married a good man , and you should come back and find yourself another good man . You belong here , sweetheart , not in some dangerous city surrounded by strangers . " " Oh , John Quinn 's mama is crazy , " her Gran said dismissively . " She comes from crazy people and no one pays her no mind . Besides , I didn 't raise a quitter or a coward . You sound like you 're just running away from things . " Sookie thought about it and she figured there was some part of what Gran was saying that might be true . " I want to try living here for a bit , Gran . " Sookie smiled harder , " You are right , You didn 't raise a coward . I 'm here , and I want to give this a real try . " She could hear her Gran 's sigh as clearly as if the woman was standing right next to her , " Well , guess I stepped right in that ! You should know you are missed and not just by me . There was certain someone I ran into just the other day who was asking about you . " " Alcide Herveaux , " Sookie could hear her Gran 's pleasure . " I ran into him at the Piggly Wiggly . He 's the manager down there now . " " Gee , " Sookie said , trying to sound enthusiastic , " That 's great . " Alcide had been one of the guys on John 's football team . She remembered him making fun , telling John he must have a small dick to be happy screwing it into a bookworm . He was tall , but unlike John he hadn 't shaved his head when the rest of the team did . John told her that Alcide Herveaux loved Alcide more than anyone else , and Sookie believed him . " Yup , I was standing at the meat counter having them grind my hamburger , " Her Gran refused to pick up the pre - packaged ground beef from the display case . She always made the butchers at the grocery store grind it for her fresh . " Alcide walked right up and said , ' Where 's Sookie , Miss Adele ? Don 't she usually bring you here to do your shopping ? ' And I told him you 'd decided to take a little break to visit New Orleans , and he said that I should say ' Hey ' and let him know when you get back in town . " " I know that losing John was hard on you , Sookie . He might not have done right by you every day , but I know you loved him . What you 're doing down there is mourning a little , and that 's just natural . Now , you just promise me you 'll call every night . You get your fill of that big city , and then you come on back . This is your home , Susannah Marie . Don 't you ever forget that . " " Why you standing out here , Cher ? " Sam asked . He had a six pack of beer in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other . When he saw Sookie 's eyes go wide , he smirked , " You drink , don 't you ? " " Not much , " she mumbled . Sam laughed and the two of them walked up the steps to the third floor . Sookie knocked and Amelia opened the door . " I 'll get you a key tomorrow , " Amelia said quickly and then reached past Sookie to take the wine from Sam . " Thanks ! You know how I love Pinot Grigio ! " Amelia skipped to the kitchenette which was only steps from the sofa . She opened a drawer and pulled out a corkscrew . Sam opened a cabinet and pulled out glassware . " You having wine ? " he asked Sookie . " Well then , " Amelia grabbed a beer and shoved it at her , " Have one of these . " Sookie found herself fumbling to take hold of the bottle while Amelia pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn . Once it was done , Amelia poured it into a bowl and flounced down on the couch . There was a flat screen television mounted on the wall and Sookie found herself sitting on a stool at the counter while Amelia and Sam settled on the sofa to watch a horror film . Sookie didn 't know what to do . She was tired . Her clothes were in the closet and she needed a shower . Her bed was held hostage under two playful people who were doing grab hands while a story about a psychopathic boyfriend rolled by . Fortunately Sam seemed more interested in taking Amelia to bed than watching the rest of the movie . At least it seemed fortunate until Sookie found herself without a shirt as Sam walked back into the living room on his way to the bathroom . He was just wearing boxers and Sookie barely had time to cover herself with her hands . When Sam came back out , she was under the covers and too nervous to think about a shower . " You could join us , " Sam was standing near the open bedroom door . Sookie pretended she didn 't hear him and turned toward the opposite wall . She heard the door click shut and she almost relaxed when the sounds from the other room started . Amelia , it turned out , was a moaner . When slapping was added , Amelia became a screamer . " You could just go home , " Sookie told herself , but at the same time she didn 't want to be a quitter . She lay awake , half expecting Sam or Amelia or both to come into the living room and embarrass her some more . She didn 't want to cry , but somehow the tears came anyway . Her eyes were open for a long time after the sounds of Amelia and Sam making love stopped . The days settled into a routine . At first , Sookie worked at the restaurant three days a week , and then when Arlene got into a screaming fight with Lafayette and quit , Sookie 's schedule increased . September became October . Fous du Matin was open every day from seven in the morning until two in the afternoon , seven days a week . Sam had started the place five years ago with just he and Lafayette . They found a following with the locals and slowly , word got around . It was a quieter place then , and offered folks who lived in the neighborhood a good place for breakfast that was unknown to the tourists . Then that changed . The way Sookie heard the story , Sam had run across Eric in the French Market . They were shopping for some of the same items and a conversation started . Sam knew of Eric from another place he worked , but it was also after the accident that created the scars and Eric wasn 't working then . Sookie believed the story . Sam talked with everyone . He was just that kind of guy . The quieter you were , the more he talked and even if you were in a bad mood , somehow you weren 't when he finished . Sam made you happy just to be around him . Eric came to work at the restaurant and Sam gave him a free hand with the menu . There was something about the combinations of flavors Eric created that captured the interest of anyone who ate his food . In no time word spread beyond their little neighborhood , and the restaurant had been featured in local magazines and Internet sites . Sam showed her a magazine from last year that was handed out to passengers on a national airline . In the magazine there was an article about where to find the best breakfasts in America . Fous du Matin was number ten . It was a small paragraph , but it was there , and Sam was rightfully proud . Sam was the only one who ever made Eric Northman laugh . The first time Sookie heard it , she hadn 't been able to keep the look of pleased surprise from her face . Lafayette grinned right back at her , " Makes you think of angels singing , don 't it ? " Sookie hadn 't mentioned John or being a widow to anyone at the restaurant except Amelia and Sam . What 's more , Sookie asked Amelia and Sam not to say anything about it to anyone else . She didn 't want to be ' poor Sookie ' here too , but now the cat was out of the bag . She saw the questions forming on Lafayette and Bill 's faces , and she felt the familiar slow burn of her blush rush over her face . " It 's a long story , " she smiled quickly and grabbed her plates . That afternoon , as they gathered in the kitchen , Sookie told her co - workers her version of her story . She kept it to the highlights . She had been married out of high school . He was the most popular boy in town and she had felt really lucky . They were together almost three years when he was killed in an auto accident . She didn 't tell them about John 's roving eye or the poisonous text messages she still received from John 's mama . She didn 't tell them that the cause of the accident was the woman 's head in his lap or that he 'd spent every penny she ever gave him . She finished by saying , " I needed to get away from all that and this seemed a good place to do it . " She thought she could get through the story without crying , but she 'd been wrong . Lafayette handed her his own clean , white handkerchief . Even Bill looked sympathetic . As she wiped her eyes , smiling at her own foolishness , she glanced up to see that Eric had turned around . There was something in the way he looked at her that made her breath catch and her heart race a little . If she hadn 't already been beet red , she thought she would be now , and then he turned away and it was gone . When work was done , Sookie told Amelia she would be walking home by way of the French Market . She didn 't trust herself not to start yelling at her roommate . It had been yet another classic Amelia moment . Amelia grew up the child of some of the richest folks in Sookie 's little town . She always had new shoes and the latest fashion in clothes . She had piano lessons and dance lessons . She went to concerts and had lavish birthday parties . She had no brothers or sisters , and she was the apple of her daddy 's eye . Amelia might have been a little princess , but instead she was the town hellion . By fourteen , she was smoking and drinking . When her mother told her she couldn 't wear makeup to school , she smuggled it out of the house and rushed to the girl 's room first thing every morning to paint herself up . She tied her blouses in the back to emphasize her small breasts . Amelia was the first one in their crowd to have a boyfriend , then the first to have a parade of boyfriends . She liked juniors and seniors and they liked her . When it was time for her to take her driving test , she could show the instructor a thing or two . Folks in town talked about how Amelia 's mother was sick and that if she 'd been well , she would have despaired to see the wild piece her daughter became . Then , in her junior year , Amelia 's mother did die . Cancer was what Gran had whispered , and Amelia and her father moved away . She had come back for junior prom and she had come for the football games through her senior year , but no one had seen her much since then until Sookie heard from her . One thing hadn 't changed . Amelia 's thoughts rarely ran further than Amelia . If it was in her head , it spilled out her mouth . If there was a thing she wanted , she went after it with single - minded determination . If there was a thing she didn 't want , she dropped it with the same ferocity of purpose . Amelia knew Sookie 's secret , and Amelia didn 't like having to hold onto anything that wasn 't hers . When the opportunity presented , she flicked it into the world like a piece of lint from a black blouse . Sookie hoped when she had cooled down enough to confront Amelia that the woman might say she was sorry . Sookie was pretty sure that the best she 'd get from her curly - headed roommate was a nonchalant shrug . Truth be told , she wasn 't planning on living with Amelia much longer . Sookie had been saving and the tips had been good . She set her sights on a little apartment in the brick building down the street . It was four floors up instead of three , but it was clean and the rooms were good sized . If things kept up , she 'd have enough for the deposit and security in another month . As she walked down Canal Street , she cringed at the thought of telling Gran she was thinking about signing a year lease . Gran rarely argued with her , her weapon of choice was guilt . Sookie knew that the guilt that would be ladled on this conversation would be thick and heavy . Thanksgiving was in two weeks and the restaurant would be closed for the whole weekend . Sookie thought about her Gran sitting at the kitchen table all alone . It was a tough image , but then she thought of all the things her Gran did and the friends that she had . She knew her Gran would be fine and she resolved that come Thanksgiving , she would tell her Grandmother that she was moving to New Orleans for good . Sookie rounded the curve in the road and walked under the awning that both shaded and housed the vendors . Sookie loved the French Market . It was as if every interesting thing in the world had all come together in booth sized bites . There were paintings and clothing , spices and flowers . On any given day musicians were playing . A man was juggling and another was reading poetry . One area of the market was set aside for a farmers market and that 's where Sookie headed . Many of the booths were rented to the same businesses week after week , but some changed over quite often . Sookie walked briskly around the corner and almost ran into a man who was leaning over , examining peppers that were in a basket on the ground . She skidded to a stop and when the man turned around and stood up , it was Eric Northman . " Oh , I 'm sorry , " Sookie stammered . " I didn 't see you there . " Eric 's face neutral , and Sookie wondered if she should just turn and leave , but then he said , " Nothing to be sorry about . " He gave a half smile and Sookie noticed how it made the scarring pull in a way that looked painful . " I haven 't seen you here before , " he added . It sounded like a question . " I don 't usually come here at this hour , " Sookie volunteered . " I generally come just before closing . " She didn 't want to say that the reason she waited until the last possible minute was that there were some who would offer her bargains and she wanted to save every penny so she could get her own place . Eric turned back , " No . I don 't come here often . " He glanced around , " I like to take a look every week or so to see if there 's something new . " He glanced at the basket of multi - colored peppers that he had been examining . " Like these , " he pointed . " I haven 't seen these in the City for a while . " He glanced over at the vendor , " How much ? " Sookie stood back on her heels and listened to silent , dour Eric engage in a lively negotiation that included charm , humor , and shrewd observation . It took a bit , but a price was set , money changed hands , and Eric picked up the basket . He glanced down at her and Sookie had the impression he 'd forgotten she was there . " What are you thinking you 'll use them for ? " Sookie had watched this man mix spices and herbs in all kinds of combinations . There were flavors she never would have considered putting together , but somehow when Eric was done , they were tastes that made her mouth water for more . Sookie looked at the next booth . It held a variety of spices . " I recognize some of these , but others ? I 've never seen most of these . " Eric 's mouth worked for a bit , and then he looked like he made up his mind about something . " The way I remember most of them is through smell , " and he reached over and picked a leaf from one of the bunches of green stems . He rubbed it between his fingers and held it to her nose . The scent was fresh but also lemony . Sookie found herself closing her eyes and when she opened them , it was to Eric 's smile . " I 'm told that scent it the strongest memory , " he offered . " All I have to say is chocolate chip cookies and everyone remembers what those smell like . " " Restaurant folks , " Sookie replied . The man shrugged and took the bill she offered . Sookie plucked one small leaf from a different type of plant . She rolled it between her hands and then smelled her palms . It was some type of pineapple scent . Without thinking , she raised her hand toward Eric . He leaned in , nearly touching her with his nose . About halfway through the different types of herbs , Sookie stopped . There was something about the scent now in her hand that triggered something . She reached back to pluck a stray leaf from the pineapple sage and rolled them both together . The smell that resulted was sultry , yet pure . " Wow , " she sighed , and held her hand up . Eric sniffed and his eyes widened . Sookie hadn 't realized how blue Eric 's eyes were , almost the same shade as her own . Sookie was suddenly aware that their faces were close to each other , their noses almost touching . She felt herself blushing , and Eric stood up suddenly and stepped away from her . " Thanks , " she mumbled , embarrassed at her own reaction . They walked the blocks of the Quarter in silence , passing the tourist shops and bars . They walked up Canal Street and then down the side street where Amelia 's apartment was located . When they reached the exterior door , Sookie took her keys in hand and turned to thank Eric , but he was already walking away from her . " I 'll see you tomorrow , " she called , but if he heard her , he gave no sign . Sookie made sure she looked sympathetic . As she dished out bowls of strawberry ice cream for both of them , it was on the tip of her tongue to ask Amelia about Eric , but then she remembered the casually cruel way Amelia had given up her secret . They watched television together and turned in early . Sookie found herself thinking about her reaction to Eric Northman as she watched the shadows play across the ceiling that night . ' Silly , ' she scolded herself , ' He ain 't interested in you , ' and closed her eyes . Sookie walked through the back door with Amelia and found her eyes drawn to the tall chef 's station . He was there , as he was every morning , his reddened hands moving from pan to pan . Somehow she thought he might look her way , show some recognition , but she was disappointed . He glanced at them and his eyes went back to his station , a day like every other day . " Well , how is this fine day treating you ? " Lafayette sang out . Sookie raised her eyebrows . The sous chef was smiling in that cat - that - ate - the - canary way she saw pretty much every day on Amelia 's face . ' Must be a new guy , ' she thought , and for some reason her eyes were drawn back to Eric . " All things bright and beautiful ! " Amelia sang in reply , and she pulled off her jacket and pirouetted on her way to Sam 's office . Sookie realized that though Sam made an appearance at the apartment most nights , he rarely stayed until morning . She suspected that Amelia wanted more , but when Sookie asked Amelia point blank , her roommate scoffed . Sookie recognized the signs . Amelia rolled her eyes , every inch the world - weary sophisticate , but it was a façade . Just under the surface was a sad girl who kept people away so she wouldn 't have to lose any more . Bill turned as she was almost past and grabbed her upper arm . Sookie didn 't know why , but she felt her stomach clench . " Maybe today will see your heart soften just a little , " Bill 's eye was knowing , " Maybe you 'll just walk out with me tonight after work . All that action at your apartment … a girl could be lonely , " and he rubbed her upper arm with his thumb . It was another busy day . The weather was fine for November although the forecast called for rain later . Customers were talking about their upcoming holidays . Sookie had regulars and she called to them by name . Over plates of corn fritters and pain perdu they talked about the sides their tables would have for the holidays . There was a general debate over whether fried turkey was preferred to brined turkey . There was a customer who explained how they baked turkey on their charcoal grill on their deck . Customers talked of travel and how many family members would be joining them . They lamented the shortage of hotel space and the congestion on the roads the days before the holiday . Sookie smiled and joked . When customers thought to ask her about her own plans , she mentioned heading to see her Gran , but then turned it back to talk of the customer 's own plans as quickly as possible . Amelia had nowhere to go . Sam hadn 't said anything and Amelia hadn 't asked him . Sookie knew her roommate was expecting an invitation to Gran 's house . If Sam didn 't say something soon , Sookie would be obligated to take Amelia Broadway with her , and all the things that she needed to say to her Gran would go unsaid . When breakfast was done and the others were gathering to eat , Sookie headed into Sam 's office . She found him there working through a stack of invoices , his laptop open , and the music on . " Can I ask you something ? " she said in a rush . Sookie 's head tilted , it had never occurred to her to ask for one . " No , but it 's nice to know it 's available , " she shrugged . " No , " and Sookie swallowed and lifted her chin . Interfering in other people 's lives was not what she did . Her Gran had drilled into her that it was not polite , but lately Sookie had begun to question living a life where you waited for things to happen . She had begun to think that maybe it was worth the risk to try to make things happen . " I wanted to ask if you were planning on taking Amelia out for Thanksgiving dinner . " Sookie couldn 't figure out what the expression on Sam 's face was about . His smile disappeared and then he looked down at his desk . Her blush rushed over her and she felt as if her armpits were sweating , but she held her ground . " You think she wants that ? " he asked carefully . Sookie filled her plate and stood next to Amelia . She was late and before she was done , Amelia was up front starting to prep her tables for lunch . Sookie knew she needed to hustle if she wanted everything ready in her own station . Amelia might be pleasant , but she didn 't believe in doing work that wasn 't hers . Sookie finished a few more bites and then walked her plate back to the sink . Sweetie was out back . She could hear his voice and Bill 's . " Would you like to come with me to the produce market tomorrow ? " Sookie was so startled she dropped her plate on the metal counter and twirled around , her hand to her chest . Eric was right behind her and Sookie was surprised that someone that big could move so quietly . " In the morning ? " Sookie squeaked , but Eric didn 't respond . When Sookie walked back into the kitchen she saw Lafayette looking at her , his smile more than satisfied . She cut her eyes at him , thinking ' don 't be silly ! ' and walked with purpose to tend to her tables . That night , Sam came over , and when the alarm went off the next morning , Sookie realized he had stayed . His shoes were still beside the door so she made sure she turned the lock in the bathroom when she got ready to take her shower . She heated coffee on the stove from the day before and carefully poured in milk . She was sitting on the front stoop when Eric came into view . His long legs scissored along , eating up the distance with an easy gait . His eyes were fixed on the sidewalk , and he looked surprised when he lifted them to see her there , waiting for him . " Sure am , " Sookie said brightly and stood up , almost bouncing on the balls of her feet . She knew that there was nothing romantic about this . Still , it was nice and she found herself glancing at him as she trotted to keep up . At first she thought he just didn 't notice how she was struggling , but as they crossed into the Quarter , he stopped and turned to her . " I 'm sorry I 've been walking so fast , " he sounded as if he didn 't explain himself often , and Sookie figured he probably didn 't . " I 'm not used to taking this walk with someone else . " " You have a good nose , " he replied and then let out some air as he added quickly , " for scents . There are more herbs here . You may find something else that combines well . I thought you 'd be interested . " " I am ! " Sookie smiled quickly and nodded . " I always loved to cook at home and we grew all kinds of things in the backyard . When the weather was like this , Gran and I would experiment in the kitchen . Pickles and such . It 's some of my best memories . " When they reached the produce market , the men next to the trucks seemed to know Eric by name . They called to him , telling him what they had brought that day and what was looking best . Sometimes Eric agreed with them , but sometimes he didn 't . Sookie realized that this was how he made purchases for the restaurant . What he saw that he liked would be incorporated into the day 's specials . " Do you come here knowing what you want ? " she asked . They came to a place that was nothing but long tables loaded with herbs and savories . There were leaves and stems of every color . Sookie saw cactus and roots , flowers and dust . She glanced up to see Eric watching her . " It 's amazing ! " she said . " I never knew there were so many different kinds . " At a word from Eric , one of the men bagged twenty different varieties . He threw them all in a sack and handed them to Sookie . When she reached in her pocket , Eric shook his head . " No , you experiment with those . See if you can find more combinations and share them . That will be payment enough . " Sookie heard herself telling him about going home to see Gran and how much she was dreading it . " She 's an old woman . She has lots of friends and she has clubs and cards most every night . Still , she wants me to come home , " Sookie found herself glancing at the buildings around her . " It sure ain 't like where I come from , being here . " She shrugged , " Back home I know where pretty much everything is , and where everything goes . Here ? I feel like I 've barely scratched the surface . " She bit her lip as they approached the back door of the restaurant , " Guess I just like to feel like I know where I belong . " Sookie walked back to Sam 's office . The door was closed , but things sounded quiet . She knocked and there was some shuffling before Sam called , " Come in . " Amelia was standing by Sam when Sookie entered . Her roommate was grinning , " I 'm sorry , " she gushed , " I won 't be able to come home with you after all ! " Sookie smiled tightly , figuring it didn 't bear mentioning that she hadn 't invited Amelia in the first place . " Sam is taking me home to meet his family , " and her roommate dissolved into an uncharacteristically girlish squeal . " That 's great ! " Sookie replied with more enthusiasm than she felt , but then she saw Sam 's face and she felt guilty that she wasn 't more happy for these two people who had helped her so much . " I mean it , " she said more warmly , " I 'm happy for you both . " Sookie lowered her eyes , grabbed her apron , and beat a hasty retreat . She hesitated , but then pulled the door shut after her . Sookie didn 't know what to say so she stammered , " No . I 'm all set , thank you very much . " As she smiled tightly in his direction , Bill dropped the slightly leering expression he always seemed to wear when he spoke with her . " I hope everything goes well at home , Sookie , " he told her . " I truly do , " and Sookie could hear the sincerity in his words . It was like a mask had dropped from the man and she saw someone else behind it , someone who might be a friend . Sookie 's trip home seemed faster than she remembered . The bus pulled up and she stepped off to find Gran waiting for her . It was almost like she 'd been gone forever . There were people who crossed the street to welcome her back . Mrs . Fortenberry pulled her car over and parked just so she could rush over and hug the young woman . " Oh honey ! We 're so glad you 're home ! " she gushed . " Your Gran and I have been so worried about you . Just tell me that you 're done with your adventuring and coming home for good . Things haven 't been the same without you ! " People she knew rapped on store windows and waved through the glass . Hoyt yelled , " Hey , Sookie ! " as he drove by . " I feel like a returning war hero , folks are making such a fuss ! " Sookie said to her Gran , her face beet red , and wishing she was in the car already . " Folks really missed you , sweetheart , " her Gran smiled . " We 're all so glad you 're back ! " and she stopped before they got into the car to pull her granddaughter into another big hug . As they started the drive out of town and toward the house on Hummingbird Lane , her Gran asked her to stop at the Piggly Wiggly . Sookie shot her a look , but her Gran protested , " I need fresh milk and some of those pastries you like for breakfast . They aren 't fresh until now , " and she used that don 't - sass - me tone of voice . Her Gran 's face lit up like a young girl 's as she replied , " Why , I 'm doing mighty fine , Alcide . Did you see who 's come back ? Sookie ? You remember Alcide Herveaux ? " Alcide had changed . His face had filled out and his beard was heavier . His eyes were warm and his smile was so genuine that her own became more genuine too . " It 's nice to see you again , " he said , and he reached out to take her hand . On the way to the car he talked with Gran about what their plans were for the holiday . He told them about going home to be with his own family , and which brother was returning , and which sister wasn 't . When he 'd closed the trunk , he turned to Sookie and asked , " Would you like me to take you to the game ? " Sookie didn 't need to ask which game he meant . It was the high school football game , the Green Bowl . It was the last game of the season and the best . Everyone turned out to watch and catch up with their friends while the turkey and ham was baking at home . Gran and Sookie bustled around the house . Sookie made a sweet potato pie and Gran asked her to make ice box cake too . " That 's a lot of sugar for two single women , " Sookie teased . Sookie rolled her eyes , but made the second dessert anyway . They prepped the turkey and Sookie carried it in its bucket of brine to the refrigerator on the back porch . They cleaned the house and straightened the living room . Gran let Sookie help her pull down the curtains and they ran them through the washing machine . Sookie hung them outside in the afternoon sun , and then they brought them inside so she could touch them up with the iron the way Gran liked them . They were settling down to sandwiches when the phone rang . " Sure , " she answered . Sookie half expected Alcide to make more conversation but instead he said , " Great ! Well , I 'll see you then , " and hung up . " What time ? " Gran asked , her back turned like she wasn 't listening sharp to every word . When Sookie told her , Gran scolded , " You could have asked him for breakfast ! " " I couldn 't , " Sookie shot back , " He didn 't hardly give me time to talk at all ! " When her Gran 's look told her she lacked manners , she realized she wouldn 't have minded Alcide coming earlier . After dinner as they sat in the living room , Gran watching a story , Sookie thought about that . Sookie put her things away in the room she had lived in since she was a girl , and she thought about Bon Temps some more . She knew everything about this place . She knew the best places for fishing and where the fireflies were thickest . She knew people down to the bone , as her Gran liked to say , because she 'd known them all her life . Sure , folks had secrets , but it was rare someone surprised you . Even when something strange happened , like the time the bull got loose and walked down Main Street , you could predict what each and every person would do at a time like that . There was something safe about it . Not like New Orleans . The only familiar faces were the people she worked with . There were other people now , regular customers and shop keepers she was getting to know on a first name basis , but for every person she knew , there were hundreds she didn 't . Some nights , New Orleans seemed a like a bag of cats . You never knew what was going to come out . Could be happy , could be crazy . There were days Sookie found it overwhelming , but there were other days , more days lately , that she found she enjoyed the newness of things . She found herself thinking about the people at the restaurant . She thought about the new look that was passing between Amelia and Sam , the look of promise . She thought about the easy comfort she felt teasing and laughing with Lafayette . She thought about the shy glances that Sweetie sent Lafayette 's way , too shy to say anything about how he felt , and Bill , who couldn 't keep his mouth shut . Then she thought of Eric . She figured it was his silence that attracted her . She could project all kinds of feelings into that void . Who knew what he was thinking ? She was pretty sure it wasn 't about her . Still , when the bad side of his face was pointed away he was pretty handsome and , she had to admit , it made for a daydream or two . She reached for the canvas sack that Lafayette had packed with goodies from the restaurant . He told her they were snacks for the road . She opened a box of pralines , and then a small takeout box with several boudin sausages . She opened the last box to two half pears situated just so . They were in a dark sauce that smelled familiar . She took it downstairs , " Hey Gran , the restaurant where I work sent some food . There 's a pear dessert here that won 't keep . Want to share it with me ? " She plated the pears and spooned the sauce over , then popped them in the microwave . When she opened the door she was better able to smell the blend . There was rum , but there was something else . She handed one plate to her Gran and took the other to the table . " This tastes like velvet ! " her Gran exclaimed . " But better ! " Sookie smiled and dipped her spoon . The pear melted in her mouth , the flavors dark at first , then almost citrusy , and something else . She closed her eyes , inhaled , and she remembered . It was the smell from the French Market , the one she had combined . " I will , Miss Adele , " Alcide called back , and then looked at Sookie and rolled his eyes . Sookie laughed . It was the same in any house you visited in this town . No matter how old you got , your elders always saw you as twelve years old and they treated you that way . Alcide escorted her out to his car . It wasn 't anything flashy , but it wasn 't a minivan either . He opened her door and waited until she was settled to shut the door . Sookie noticed he was wearing dark Dockers and a button down shirt . He had a sweater pulled over it and it made his chest look nice . He had a jacket thrown over his arm . His brown , curly hair was shining , and he talked about people they knew and things that had happened in the town . Sookie remembered how John had told her Alcide was self - centered . She thought he 'd grown out of it . Once they got to the high school , it took them almost a half hour to get out of the parking lot . Every face they met was someone she knew or he knew or they both knew . It wouldn 't have been any different if Sookie hadn 't left . This was the place and event that everyone attended , especially those who had left town . But Sookie had left , and she found herself sharing stories of the world outside . She was a person who was bringing something new this year , and she felt less and less like ' poor Sookie . ' The team lost the game . " They could have used you out there ! " several men yelled to Alcide . He smiled and shook his head , then he put his arm around Sookie and escorted her back toward the parking lot . They chatted the whole way back to Hummingbird Lane . It had been sunny , but there was a sharp wind . Alcide had dropped his jacket over her shoulders . As they climbed the steps , Sookie handed it back to him . They could smell the turkey . Alcide chatted with Gran , asking about cards , and the health of a couple women in her social circle . Sookie realized he was very well informed about things most men wouldn 't have noticed . Gran winked and flirted , touching his arm , and making Sookie agree that Alcide was still as strong as when he 'd been playing football . After declining an invitation to stay for dinner , he headed to the door . " Why don 't you invite Alcide to stop by for dessert later ? " Gran asked Sookie . She looked at the taller man and said , " You could tell him we made icebox cake . His Momma tells me that it 's his favorite . " Alcide had two pieces of cake . Gran made a point of letting Alcide know that it was Sookie who made it , her tone so obviously pushing them together that Sookie couldn 't stop the blush from rushing across her face . Alcide didn 't look uncomfortable , though . Instead , he scolded Gran for being a busy body , and then the three of them pulled out the Scrabble board . It was a game her Gran had used to improve Sookie 's vocabulary and Sookie was pleased to see that Alcide could hold his own . He must have known she was judging him , because at one point he nudged her after putting down a high scoring word and said , " Bet you thought I was just a dumb jock ! " making her blush some more . He wouldn 't leave until he 'd washed the dishes and as Sookie walked him to the door he asked , " Would you like to have breakfast with me tomorrow ? " When she lowered her eyes , he added , " I promised my Momma and sisters I 'd run them into town to shop , but you know how that is ! We have a deal . I hang out at the First Alarm . It 's right down the street from the mall . When they have too many bags , I swing by , they throw them in the trunk , and I leave . I get to stay away from all that foolishness and they get chauffeur service . It 's a win - win . " When she smiled , he said , " It would be nice having the company . " The next day Sookie was almost done with her breakfast when John Quinn 's momma walked into the First Alarm . She hadn 't changed much unless it was to look even crazier than the last time Sookie had seen her . Her hair wasn 't quite brushed and she looked like she 'd applied her eye makeup with a trowel . " Uh oh , " Sookie sighed when the woman spotted her . Alcide 's back was to the front door and he turned around as John 's momma approached them , her sharp heels making clack - clack noises against the tiles . Sookie took a deep breath , preparing for the worst , but then Alcide stood up . " Sookie didn 't do any such thing , " Alcide said gently . " It was an accident . " John 's momma looked to the other diners , but if she expected to find support , she was disappointed . Folks were looking at her like she was a problem and Sookie could see her hard face become less certain . " Now , I think you should head home , " Alcide continued , " I 'm sure there are things that need doing . I heard your daughter is coming to visit you this year . You wouldn 't want her to come home to an empty house , now would you ? " " No … " John 's momma 's voice quavered and Sookie almost felt sorry for her . She had never met John 's sister . She was older , and there had been some bad blood . She found herself comforted by the idea that her former mother - in - law wouldn 't be facing a holiday table all alone . When Alcide sat back down , Sookie looked at him with new eyes . They were the same eyes she used to have for John . She saw a hero , a larger than life man who had stood up and defended her . She didn 't know what to say . ' Thank you ' didn 't seem like enough . Alcide gestured to the waitress to warm up their coffees . " So , " he asked , " you want to see a movie tomorrow ? " Saturday morning , Gran remembered a dozen things she needed from the Piggly Wiggly and she asked Sookie to drive her . " You 'll be leaving on the bus tomorrow and who knows when you 'll get another break from that job of yours , " she wheedled . Gran hunted out Alcide with more skill than any hound , and Alcide talked mostly to Gran , but he threw Sookie enough eye rolls to let her know he found her Gran 's shenanigans humorous and he included her in on the joke . When he walked her up her front steps , she turned and he took that step forward , the one that let him tilt her head toward him and lower his own to kiss her . It was a good kiss . She felt her lips curve up and she felt a little tickle in her chest . She smiled and giggled nervously while he brushed her cheek with his thumb . " I sure hope you don 't stay away long , Sookie , " he told her , and then he smiled a broad and brilliant smile and walked away . The whole long bus ride back to New Orleans , Sookie thought about home . She thought about cooking with her Gran in the kitchen . She thought about all the familiar faces that were so genuinely happy to see her among them . She remembered how good it felt to know that she had a place she belonged . She thought about Alcide Herveaux . Sookie knew that if she returned to stay she would likely become Mrs . Herveaux . She would move into the little house he owned all on his own . He had hopes of being made a District Manager and moving to the corporate office in Charleston someday . Alcide Herveaux was a good man . ' Damn , you 're silly , ' she scolded herself . ' What is it Gran says ? A bird in the hand ? ' Still , when the skyline of the Crescent City started to appear down the road , Sookie found herself more excited to be back . Sookie unlocked the door of the apartment to the strong smell of ham and a half - closed bedroom door . Sam 's shoes were against the wall , set together just so . " I 'm home ! " she called and quickly walked to the kitchenette . She figured they decided to warm up leftovers but got distracted warming up each other . Sookie turned off the oven , and then closed the bedroom door more firmly . She didn 't expect the two of them to acknowledge her or stop what they were doing . " I need to move out ! " she mumbled . She put her things away as best she could and was just loading the left - overs from Gran 's into the refrigerator when Amelia emerged , wearing a kimono robe . " Welcome back ! " she waltzed forward , hugging Sookie , and then glancing at the oven . " Bless you for saving them ! " she giggled , and grabbing mitts , pulled the trays from the oven . Sam trailed her from the bedroom wearing running pants and a t - shirt . " Welcome back , Sookie ! " he smiled . " You have a good visit at home ? " Then Sam surprised her by wrapping her up in a hug , " Welcome home , Cher ! " " On y va ! " Amelia called , and together they pushed together their leftovers , opening containers , and shifting things through the microwave . Amelia had made a good impression on Sam 's family . Amelia tried to shrug it off , but Sookie could see how pleased she was . They all gathered around the counter , filling plates with small bites . Sookie told them about home and then she mentioned Alcide Herveaux . " He was real nice . A gentleman , " Sookie told them . " Gran would have us married tomorrow , " and then she thought of something . " Look , don 't mention it at the restaurant , okay ? " " I think she is my kind of crazy , " Sam told her . Then he looked right at her , " And what about you , Sookie ? Is this home town boy your kind of crazy ? " " I don 't know , " she blushed . " Maybe . It 's just I know everything about my home . It 's familiar . And safe . " The restaurant owner stood up , " I 'm headed home , " he told her . " Everything opens tomorrow , and we are morning fools again . " He walked to the door and was toeing into his shoes when he turned around , " Oh , and Eric said if you wanted to go to the produce market again , he 'll be by at five ? " The way Sam asked it , Sookie could tell he was asking more . Sam stopped , " The burn ? It happened about seven years ago . He was working at a place in the Quarter . He was engaged to girl , Pam something . They were everywhere together . He loved her perhaps more than he should have . She was not a restaurant person . She whined at him about the hours , but she loved the attention his cooking created . She could sit in the restaurant and rub elbows with all the celebrities . " Sam reached for his jacket , " I wasn 't there the day it happened , but everyone knows they were fighting . He was standing near the fryolators and she threw water . There was a splash back . The other chefs got the clothes off him , but his exposed skin , his face , his hands were burned . The hospital took care of the surgery on his hands , but his face ? Since his eye was intact , no cosmetic surgery . No grafting or reducing the scars . Eric was a chef . He didn 't have fancy insurance that paid for extras . " Sam looked at Sookie carefully , " I think he has the money now . He could have that fixed if he wanted , but I think he 's used to it . It reminds him to pay attention to the things that are important , " and Sam winked before he walked out the door . Sookie was sitting on the stoop the next morning , her travel mug in hand . She wrapped her hands around it . It was chilly for here and she felt the damp creeping through her . She was looking in the direction Eric had come the last time so when he said , " Oh , I brought you coffee " from the opposite direction , she jumped and dropped her mug . Her head swung around and her eyes met his knees , and then she rose to see him staring down at her . " Can you wait just a minute ? " she asked , and scooping up her mug from the ground , she opened the building door , sprinted up first one flight , and then the next . She set the cup against her door , hoping Amelia would bring it inside , and then ran back down as fast as she could . She burst through the door , winded and panting . She leaned over , gulping air , her hands on her knees , and glanced up , " You 're still here ! " Sookie couldn 't figure out if Eric 's expression was amusement or disdain , but then he settled it by laughing . It was such a pure sound Sookie found herself wheezing our her own . " I know you don 't want to be late , " she apologized . She stood up , her hand at her side , " I 'm okay ! We should go ! " Eric handed her the extra cup of coffee he 'd brought and they started walking toward the Quarter . Eric walked more slowly than the last time they had walked together , which was a good thing because she was still puffing like a steam engine . She knew that had he worked those long legs of his as he had the last time , he would have left her in the dust and she told him so . It was when they cleared Bourbon Street that she felt herself recover . She took one more deep breath , and said out loud , " I 'm okay . " " That 's good , " he replied without looking at her , " I was afraid I 'd have to carry you . " Sookie glanced up at his profile . It was the scarred side . She thought he might be smiling . It was hard to tell because the rows of griddled skin pulled the corner of his eye toward his chin . When they reached the covered area where the trucks pulled up , Eric said , " It 's nice to see you , " and his eyes were warm . Before she could reply , one of the vendors stepped in front of them , pushing his Japanese radishes , and the moment was gone . As they were finishing , the herb vendor stepped forward and handed Sookie a potted lavender plant . " A gift , " he smiled . It reminded Sookie and she turned to Eric , " Thank you for the pears . They were delicious . " " How did you do it ? " she asked . He did look at her then , not understanding what she was asking . " How did you get that exact flavor into the sauce ? It 's the same one from the French Market , isn 't it ? " Eric looked away , and then he looked back , " It 's an infusion . You heat the herbs in the rum . I bruised them first so they would release their oils . " As they walked to the restaurant , Eric described the process and Sookie found herself interested . " Why lookie , lookie , here comes Sookie , " Lafayette sang out and he moved forward to wrap her in a hug . " It is so good to have you back , girl . How was your holiday ? " and without waiting for her to say a word , the sous chef launched into a recounting of his days off , including a general description of the new guy in his life . Sookie looked over Lafayette 's shoulder , trying to hold onto her morning with Eric , but the chef had moved to his station and all she saw was his back . Amelia and Sam were working , and Sookie walked through to the seating area to get her own side work started . The ovens were still heating , and Bill and Sam were walking things out of the coolers to stack supplies in readiness . " Almost makes it not worth shutting down , " Bill groused , " It 's so much work to get things ready again . " There was a knock at the back door and Sookie saw Eric head back , pulling Lafayette and Sweetie along . Between the three of them and the driver , fresh food started moving back into the restaurant . Everyone was hustling , and Sookie realized she was now one of them . They relied on her to do her part . It took almost an hour , but then Sam went to the grill and made them all breakfast himself . He sang as he cooked and the rest of them lounged against the counters . Sookie had seen the line of people already standing on the sidewalk and there was still almost an hour before the doors opened . It felt good to be part of something like this . As everyone served themselves , Amelia struck . " So , you aren 't really going to go back to Bon Temps and marry Alcide Herveaux , are you ? " Everyone stopped , forks suspended in midair , and Sookie felt the food in her mouth turn to sawdust . As every eye turned her way , she felt herself turn all shades of red . " Could dance for dollars hot , " she shot back , and made a fanning motion with her hand . " But that 's Sookie for you . John was the town God and she married him right out of high school . Guess it shouldn 't surprise anyone that she 'd bag Alcide . " " It 's not like that ! " Sookie stammered . " My Gran wants me to move home . She wants me to be happy , " but right now Sookie wasn 't happy . It all seemed like too much all the sudden , and she couldn 't get out the back door fast enough to keep her friends from seeing her tears . She even thought about quitting , but then she thought about all the people inside and all the customers waiting out front . The back door opened and Lafayette stepped out . He opened his arms , and she stepped into them . " I don 't know what I 'm going to do , " she whispered against his shoulder . " There 's a part of me that wants to go home . It 's safe . I won 't ever have to worry about where to live or who I 'll meet . I 'll know how every day of my life will happen . " They walked back into the restaurant , the sous chef keeping his arm around her shoulder . Amelia met her eyes , and Sookie knew that Sam had said something and Amelia must have listened . " I 'm sorry , " her roommate told her . " It was your secret to tell . I shouldn 't have blurted it out . " " No , you shouldn 't have , " Sookie confirmed . " Especially since it 's not true . At least , I haven 't been asked . Hell , I only been on one date with him , " and she felt herself embarrassed again . There was something about discussing Alcide Herveaux here , in front of everyone , that made her unhappy and she found her eyes traveling to a certain tall , broad back . " I have to get ready for work , " she walked with purpose into Sam 's office and returned with her apron . She walked straight into the seating area , not making eye contact with any of her co - workers . Sam walked up behind her , squeezed her shoulder for a second , and then walked to the door . Things settled into their routine and December rolled around . Christmas decorations appeared . The restaurant sported wreaths and Mardi Gras jester ornaments hanging from the ceiling . Sam and Amelia were growing closer , and Lafayette introduced Sookie to Jesus . As she watched couples walking hand in hand down the street in front of the restaurant , she found herself wondering if there was someone out there for her . There was a part of her that felt bad . John had not been dead even one whole year , but as she watched the way lovers treated each other , she got the impression that some part of her marriage might have been missing . Truth be told , Sookie was lonely . She longed for the way strong arms felt when they wrapped around her . She couldn 't avoid hearing Sam and Amelia every night and when she wasn 't annoyed , she found herself yearning for a love of her own . Every couple of days she would meet Eric , and together they would walk to the market . They talked about flavors and combining ingredients . He told her she had a natural talent and encouraged her to experiment . Every once in a while he would use her ' discoveries ' in a dish . Sookie knew it was business , but she found herself daydreaming about him . When the box showed up at the restaurant addressed to her , she didn 't question it , she wanted to believe Lafayette 's teasing that she had a secret admirer . She opened the box and inside she found a postcard . It showed the Café du Monde on the front and it instructed her to present the card to Sally in the morning . It was signed , ' Love , NOLA . ' Sookie looked at the box . She took it apart , looking for a card or some explanation of who had sent it or why . The postcard was handwritten , but it didn 't look like anyone 's handwriting she knew . The box had been dropped off , not mailed . There was no clue , and so Sookie waited for her first day off . She walked into the front of the restaurant and asked to see Sally . When the busy woman bustled over , Sookie handed her the card . Sally 's eyes warmed , " Oh , " she said , " You 're Sookie . Come with me ! " She took the young woman to a table near the back of the restaurant . " You wait right here , " she smiled . Sookie looked around . There were tourists all around her covered with powdered sugar . She had heard about this place , everyone in New Orleans had , but she had never been here . In two shakes , Sally was back with a cup of coffee and a plate with four powdered pastries . " Someone wanted you to feel right at home , " Sally told her , and then with a wink , the waitress was gone . Sookie couldn 't help but smile . It was all so unexpected . She looked around , half thinking that whoever had sent the gift would be there , but she didn 't see anyone she knew . Sookie brushed the sugar off of her . She couldn 't keep from smiling . When she returned to work the next day , Lafayette asked , " Did you go ? " Sookie told the sous chef what had happened and he nudged her , " Oh , someone has a Secret Santa . " Sookie felt her face blush and she looked up to see Bill watching her . He had regained his leering ways , and Sookie found herself biting her lip , hoping with all she was that her Secret Santa was not Bill Compton . For some reason , her eyes swung toward Eric . If he heard what Lafayette said , he didn 't show any sign of it as he moved in his graceful way . Sookie made sure she was on the stoop the next morning . Eric took her to a fish market and Sookie found she could barely speak , she was so anxious for him to say something , give some hint . When he asked her if he was boring her , she realized she was being silly . She knew he wasn 't interested , her Secret Santa couldn 't be him . Two days passed and she started to think that it might have been Lafayette doing her a kindness when a second box arrived . She was up front when the messenger service came in the door and handed the box to Sam . Sam 's eyes flew to her , and she knew right away it was another gift . She excused herself from the table she was serving so she could intercept the messenger . Sookie asked Sam to hold onto the box for her and once the lunch rush was over and the dining room was set , she took the box back into the kitchen . She wondered whether she should wait until she got home . " Come on ! " Amelia pushed her . " Don 't make us wait ! " Sookie looked at Amelia 's impatient bouncing and Lafayette 's open curiosity , and she opened the box . It was like before . This time the postcard had a picture of the French Market . On the back was a number and the words , ' Love , NOLA . ' She showed Lafayette the number , " What do you think this means ? " It was Bill who offered the answer , " I think it means you should go to the stall that has that number . " Sookie looked up to see Eric watching her . She almost smiled when he abruptly turned around . " I 'll come with you ! " Amelia announced . When the doors closed , the two women walked the blocks to the market . They found the map , and then found the stall that matched the number . It was a flower vendor . Sookie handed the vendor the postcard , and he said , " You must be Sookie . " He reached into a large metal container and pulled out a large bouquet of red roses and daisies mixed with baby 's breath . ' These are for you . " Amelia admired the flowers and on the way home , she said , " I know he 's kind of rough , but I think Bill really likes you . " Sookie stared at the flowers . She wasn 't sure she wanted them anymore , especially if they were from Bill Compton . Still , this whole thing was romantic and clever . It made her feel wonderful , being treated so special . If this was Bill Compton 's doing , maybe she misjudged him . She remembered that time before Thanksgiving when he had just been himself . Maybe he was just shy about showing his kind side in front of the others . Sookie wondered if she should give Bill a second chance , but it was blue eyes she thought of , not brown . That night as she lay on the couch , Sookie stared at the flowers . She thought about whether she should sign the lease and stay in the city , or go home and start the life her Gran would like her to lead . She knew her Gran loved her . She knew that the home she had left was more welcoming . She knew there was a man there who would try his best . They were all powerful reasons to return . On the other hand , Sookie was no longer the shy girl she had been . She was making friends and making her own way . She still blushed , but New Orleans Sookie was more confident than Bon Temps Sookie . ' I like being here , ' she realized . She wasn 't ready to make a final decision , but she didn 't feel the need to run home either . She was taken by surprise when the next box arrived . It didn 't come to the restaurant . Instead it was delivered to Amelia 's apartment . Sookie brought the small box upstairs and set it on the coffee table . It had occurred to her as she walked up the stairs that whoever was doing this might expect some form of repayment . If it was Bill Compton , she wasn 't sure she would like the price . Behind her Sam said , " Cher , that box ain 't going to bite . Open it up , and put Amelia out of her misery . " Amelia swatted at Sam , but Sookie could see her roommate was almost jumping out of her skin . Sookie found a piece of cardboard inside the box . She turned it over to see that it was a $ 40 ticket for the 8 : 00 PM performance at the Preservation Hall tomorrow night . Sookie had heard about the jazz there . If there was one thing about this city , it was the way music was part of everything around her . There wasn 't a day that went by that Sookie didn 't hear music . There were single musicians on the streets and bands that played at the French Market . She could hear music drifting from the doors on Bourbon Street and there were parades led by bands down the streets of the Quarter . The next night Sookie showed up at the downtown landmark , and joined the line . She hadn 't been there long when Lafayette and Jesus walked up behind her . " You going to the eight o ' clock ? " the sous chef asked . Sookie showed Lafayette her ticket , and he let her see theirs . " This was meant to be , " he smiled . " We can all sit together . " They were close to the front of the line . When they got inside , Sookie found herself on a bench right in front of the stage . She was surprised how small the place was , but the feeling that her Secret Santa was near made her crane her neck to stare at the others who crowded , first on the benches behind her , and then to stand in the back of the room . She chatted with Jesus and Lafayette keeping an eye on the rest of the audience , but then the lights went down and the music started . It was magical . The musicians were talented , and Sookie found that there was something in the way they interacted that spoke to her . She found her foot tapping , and she couldn 't stop smiling . It didn 't feel like any time went by before the lights came up . " Don 't you apologize ! Ain 't nothing wrong in telling the truth , " Lafayette laughed . Then the sous chef looked at her closely , " Why ? You have someone in mind ? " " I have , " Sookie told them , " I 'm staying , at least for a year . I 'm stronger here . I have friends and I have a place . I guess NOLA 's welcome worked . " Sookie knew that Lafayette had shared her answer as soon as she walked in the door to the restaurant the next morning . Sweetie smiled at her more broadly than usual and Bill Compton smiled in a genuine way . " I 'm happy the presents worked , " he told her . " Who else ? " Bill shrugged . Sookie smiled , but she couldn 't help herself . She glanced over Bill 's shoulder at the chef 's station . She could see Eric leaning over , his hands still . Just then there was a noise , and Sam walked back from the seating area . " Sook ? Special delivery ! " and he handed over yet another box . It was a little larger than the others , and Sookie raised her eyes to Bill . Sookie smiled and she set it down , and grabbed a knife , but there was something about all this that didn 't sit right . She set the knife down and turned back to Bill . " If these are from you , you know where this next one will lead me . So , I 'll tell you what . I 'll meet you there . " " Well , I think suspense is good for the soul ! " she replied with more sass than she felt . Sookie took the box with her into Sam 's office . She almost put it with her purse in the file drawer , but for some reason she decided to hide it in the bottom of the clean apron box . Then she headed out and went to work . All day Bill teased her about it , and Sookie was pretty sure she caught him hunting in the office . Amelia also plied her with question after question , but Sookie held firm . " I 'll open it on my way home . Then I 'll just go there and wait , " she replied . " I know my Secret Santa will find me this time . " When the restaurant closed , Sam gave her a sprig of mistletoe . " For luck , " he told her , and Sookie left the restaurant . For the first time since she 'd arrived , she hailed a cab and drove away . She didn 't want to risk someone following her , someone who wasn 't her Santa . In the back of the cab , she ran her fingernail along the tape , breaking the seal . Inside , nestled in green and red tissue paper , was a snow globe . It was not large , but it had a wood base , and inside was the statue of Andrew Jackson , the same one in Jackson Square . Sookie gave the cabbie directions , and within five minutes she found herself standing in front of the General . The lights on the front of the Church were already on and there were carolers singing . There weren 't many people walking the pathways in the Square this evening . It was close to the dinner hour and most were home with family . Sookie spun around , looking carefully at the individuals and groups that moved through the area . She walked around to the back of the statue , looking toward the street entrance . She turned again , and as she looked back at the church entrance she saw him . Eric Northman stood still , his eyes trained on her . Sookie couldn 't keep the smile from spreading across her face . Her feet started moving , carrying her toward him , and his long legs were moving too . As she reached him , she held up the snow globe . " I 'm so glad it was you , " she told him . Sookie didn 't see the scarring any more . She saw the intelligent eyes and the quiet intensity . When he smiled , she didn 't see how the skin of his eye pulled . She saw the beauty of his spirit . Sookie dropped the snow globe in the pocket of her coat and then raised her hand , holding out the sprig of mistletoe . The tall chef took it from her and held it overhead . Then Eric Northman lowered his head to hers and in the hush of the evening light , he kissed her . Sookie moved out of Amelia 's apartment , but not to the fourth floor walk - up . She moved in with Eric Northman and together they explored the walkways of New Orleans , taste by taste . But that is a story for a different season . Reply mom2goalies says : December 19 , 2015 at 2 : 20 pm I loved this story and rereading it was even better ! So much hope and salvation for both of them . Thank you so much for sharing ! murgatroid98 says : December 19 , 2015 at 2 : 36 pm I love this story . I read it after it was posted for the contest . You are an extraordinary story teller . Reply suzi44ky says : December 19 , 2015 at 7 : 11 pm Love this one . I just knew it had to be Eric and Bill was trying to take the credit for it all . . Glad she kept the info for the meeting from everyone . . 🙂 Reply VictoryInTrouble says : December 20 , 2015 at 4 : 09 pm What a beautiful story ! You really have a knack for dialog and characterization . I really enjoyed this . Reply Natsgirl says : December 21 , 2015 at 10 : 04 am Thank you ! Love your work as well . The flash fiction is fun and your poetry ? ! Well ! Reply Natsgirl says : January 10 , 2016 at 11 : 16 am Apologize for not replying sooner . Thank you . You hit on the inspiration I felt as well - kindness and good people , karma that worked , and the Christmas spirit . Hope the New Year is bringing you all good things . Reply lifeinameadow says : December 28 , 2015 at 7 : 24 am Awww . This is so stunningly beautiful . Made me tear up for their sweet beginning . On y va ! Reply Natsgirl says : March 15 , 2016 at 11 : 30 pm I really enjoyed writing human versions of these characters . It allowed a different way to express some of who they are . I 'm happy you liked it . It 's one of my favorites too ! Reply Natsgirl says : May 24 , 2016 at 12 : 55 am Thank you so much ! I wanted something that was not too angst - y with a focus on how they find each other on the way to finding themselves . Glad you liked it ! Reply Natsgirl says : May 24 , 2016 at 12 : 54 am Thank you . It was my first stab at all human . I 'll be venturing in that direction again once I complete Distant Horizon . I have an all human story sketched out that 's set in Ireland . We 'll see ! Reply Natsgirl says : June 24 , 2016 at 9 : 51 am Thank you ! I 'll be playing in this version again at the conclusion of Distant Horizon . Something set in Ireland / human . |
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