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Today was another great day , but just a little warm in the afternoon . We rode with Jim and Nancy and met with some of our Heartland friends at Gonzales Burgers in Donna . It was Jim and Nancy & Kevin and Nelly 's first time to go to Gonzales , so it was a treat for them and a fun time for us to be with them . We noticed that the crowds are not as large as seasons past , but there are still plenty of people there . It must be true because I asked the man working there how much meat they go through and he said 100 pounds a day . I had been told that they used over 150 pounds on a visit last season . Also previously , they have stayed open until either business stopped or they ran out of meat , and now they have stated hours of operation , ending at 3PM . Our great economy strikes again ! The second photo is the rising moon over the prairie behind our place . Today was the first of four events here in the valley . We had a Meet and Greet at the Retama Village rec hall , as we have done for the last four years , and as usual , the facility is FIRST CLASS ! We had a very good day today . I did chores around here in the morning and we went over to Alamo to Willie 's Barbecue to meet Heartland friends Michael and Kelly & Kevin and Nelly for lunch . We all had a great meal and spent about 2 hours catching up between us . It was a good thing that the restaurant was not that crowded even though it was Sunday . When we left , the other four were going shopping at the Don - Wes flea market and the fruit and veggie stand across the street but Stella and I went to HEB to pick up a few items . I can 't believe how busy all the stores are on the weekend . I have been told that the weekends are when the people from Mexico come over to shop . I have seen a lot of Mexican license plates in the parking lots , so I guess there 's some truth in that story . We came on back home but along the way I noticed a couple of people sitting out by a Big Country trailer that I had been trying to find at home so I could invite them to our events next week , so I stopped and had a little visit with them . They are talking about full timing , so I told them to come to the meet and greet and we would take time to chat with them . They said they would try to make it . When we drove by the Cottonwood RV park , I decided to stop in to see our friends Corbin and Flora . We caught them at home and had a nice visit with them . We were able to help them get the local television channels by finding the channels on the rooftop antenna . We enjoyed our visit with them but soon came on home . Our friend , and President of the Heartland Owners club , Jim Beletti and his wife Nancy drove in late this afternoon . They had spent a couple of nights at our friend Bill Sims ' house in Port Arthur TX , a distance of about 440 miles . I 'm glad it wasn 't me making that drive . We knew they would be tired when they arrived , so Stella made some of her goulash soup and we all had a nice supper . Then she surprised everyone by making a single serving red velvet cake for us . She did very well and we were all full . We chatted with Jim and Nancy for awhile but they were tired and soon went home to bed . It was warm enough last night to leave the a / c on all night . I didn 't hear it come on but it was on . It sure felt good this afternoon in the mid 80 's temps . We didn 't do a lot today . I took Stella to the laundry next door at Bentsen Palm Village to wash up our clothes which didn 't take long . When she finished up we came back home to drop them off and went to Wal Mart to do our grocery shopping . It 's really a small world in the RV world . Last year in Pennsylvania , we met a man who had remodeled his trailer and then painted it and his truck the same color scheme . He was parked on the road behind us and I talked to him a lot about his modifications and paint job while we were there for the huge RV show . He was a vendor for some product but I don 't remember what it was . He is staying down the street from us here in Mission . . . I met a man with a huge Volvo truck that pulls an Excel trailer while we were at Creede this past summer . I talked extensively to him about his truck while we were in the park together , and today I saw him at Bentsen Palm Village . Small world . . . We certainly have felt safe here . The Border Patrol keeps a unit parked down the road from us , monitoring a large field . Although I haven 't seen anyone that was apprehended there , it is comforting to know that they are so near . Every night I hear the helicopters buzzing around . I don 't know if you remember it or not , but a couple of years ago when we were here with Tommy and Susan , Susan shined her flashlight at one of the copters while she was walking her dogs with Stella and our dogs . The helicopter lit them up with their million candlepower light , just to let them know he saw them . We had another very pleasant night with temps in the upper 60 's . It seems to be more restful to sleep with the windows open . I could do this all year ! We had made a " date " with Michael and Kelly to go to Gonzales Burgers in Donna today . They agreed to come over to our place and we would drive to the burger place . Our Heartland friends , Dave and Mary also met us here today . Cheeseburger , fries and onion rings ! Made a great lunch and I couldn 't finish mine . I believe that Stella and I could split one and still have plenty of food for both of us . I didn 't take a very good picture of the burger and how large it really is , but trust me , it 's BIG ! They changed the seating inside the store but there was still plenty of room for everyone . Maybe some people stayed away today because there seemed to be less people eating today . The burgers were delicious and we all enjoyed them and had a good visit with our friends . We came back to our place and Michael showed us how to repair our blinds . One had broken while we were in Burnet at Inks Lake and we had ordered a new one from Ron Hoover RV , but after Michael 's repairs , we 'll just fix them in the future . It probably took him 30 minutes to take it apart and repair it , but that was showing me every step of the way . If I hadn 't been in his way , he 's probably been done in 15 or 20 minutes . Thank you Michael for saving us a lot of money in the future . When we finished up the repair , we sat outside in the cool afternoon and watched the folks walking and riding in golf carts for the open village this afternoon . I spoke to one of the leaders of the show and he said they had probably 400 people that came through today . I know I saw a lot this afternoon . We would love to come back here next season but we 'll have to wait to make a reservation . I think there are enough rental units that may be available so we can get a place to stay here . We 'll see how this works out . We had another very nice weather - day here in the valley . We 've been sleeping with the windows open and only having to run the a / c in the afternoon when it warms up into the 80 's . Of course , this is a big part of why we come down here to south Texas . We went out around noon to go give out some more flyers for the events next week and went to 9 RV parks in the Donna area . Man , there is certainly a huge difference in the two areas we have gone into for their reception . When I went to the parks in Mission , the folks there were actually glad to be invited and I visited with a few of them , but the Donna area is quite different . They acted as if they were bothered to answer the door and obviously accepted the flyer only to get me off the doorstep . They would take it and say " we may come " or whatever it took to get me away . After finishing up my " chores " , we went over to Michael and Kelly 's place at the Canyon Lake RV Resort for a supper with them and then a show at the park . Kelly prepared her Mother 's recipe spaghetti and meatballs and it was great . Her Mom certainly passed on a delicious recipe ! We always make it a point to see the Link Union , which was formerly known as The Link Family . We have been watching this family group for a few years when we come to the valley , and they did not disappoint us tonight . There have been some changes in the group and now the Dad has to work the sound boards , but they are adding their youngest brother and it all worked out . They also changed their act and added more Celtic music and several rock and roll numbers . All in all , it was a great concert and I will be looking forward to seeing them again . When we got home , we didn 't see any coyotes but we sure have heard them every night . They howl and yip all night and seem to be in our back yard , but we haven 't actually seen one up close and personal . We 'll keep our eyes open and the dogs on a close leash . . . Gotta love this weather ! It was about 65 degrees when I got up this morning and got up into the low 80 's in the afternoon . It was cloudy in the morning , but it cleared off nicely this afternoon . I didn 't do an entry for Monday because the only thing we did was go around to the surrounding parks to distribute flyers for the dealer open house for next week . We went to 8 parks and met some nice people that seemed interested in coming to the two events for next week . I guess we 'll have to wait until next week to see . I did locate the park where the Redhead Express group is staying but I 'll respect their privacy and not say where they are . I intended to go back out to put out more flyers today but got a call from some of our old friends , Tom and Judy , who said they were coming over from Edinburg where they are staying now and wanted to come by for a visit . Of course we told them to come on over , and when they got here , we sat outside in the shade beside the trailer and the coach house and had a great visit with them . We went to eat with them at a local restaurant , Tio Chuy 's . We have been there before and liked it but thought it had closed because we never see any cars in the parking lot . When we got there , we learned that Chuy had been in a serious traffic accident several months ago but he is recovered and was working today . Tom and Judy know Chuy and all of the girls that work there , so they had some good times with them . Not long after Tom dropped us off at home , I was sitting in my chair and getting ready for a siesta when Ted and Donna came by to drop off some tickets to a show for next weekend at another park that is near by . We had a nice chat with them . Ted put his truck in the shop for a whine in the rear end and Ford is replacing the entire rear end . They are driving a small rental car , so I didn 't hear them drive up . I posted a couple more activities for next week for the heartland owners that are down here in the valley . I am looking forward to seeing them next week and hope that everything runs smoothly . I 'm sure it will but am still a bit nervous about it . We had made plans to go over to Nuevo Progresso Mexico today with our friends Michael and Kelly & Ted and Donna . We picked Michael and Kelly up at their place and went to meet Ted and Donna in the parking lot near the border crossing . We got over without any problems and started making our purchases . We stopped at Rene 's Bakery for a brunch of pastries and tacos before resuming our shopping . We had a very good time with our friends and although Stella and I didn 't make all of the purchases that we need to , we came on back to the good old USA . You can check on Kelly 's blog for a lot of pictures including one of me having my passport checked . She got yelled at by a couple of the Border Patrol officers because no pictures are allowed . You can 't see the Border Patrol officer 's face but the rules are the rules . I managed to get back into the country and Kelly didn 't get locked up for violating the rules , so everything worked out just fine . Good morning ! We had another great day here in Mission with cool temperatures in the morning and warm in the afternoon . When I woke this morning , after reading the news online , I was cold , so I stole one of the blankets that we keep on the couch , and was instantly back asleep . Normal morning routine . . . I saw 84 degrees on the thermometer this afternoon . I went for my mile and a half walk this morning and saw many others in the neighborhood getting their mileage in . I miss my hikes up into the hills above Inks Lake state park , the mountain views in Creede and even the coastal breezes of La Marque , but this is a great place to walk . No traffic , friendly people , no bad dogs to chase me . . . . how much better can it get ? We stayed home and watched the football championship games on television today . I still can 't get over the improved picture on the TV after replacing the receiver box . Maybe I 'll work on a plan to replace the box every couple of years to keep this great picture . I 'm certain that it doesn 't take very long to jar something loose by bouncing down our roads and I really do like this picture . On close - ups I can tell if the men have shaved today or not . Congratulations go to the San Francisco 49er 's and the Baltimore Ravens for their wins . Of course I 'm sad that there are no Texas teams that made it this far , but there 's always next season . It 's hard to believe that football season is almost over again . After the Super Bowl in a couple of weeks , I won 't have anything to watch on a Sunday afternoon . Boy , the weather has been great here for a few days . It has been cool at night and warms into the 70 's during the day . We decided to go to the Don - Wes Flea Market which is in Donna TX . This market is about 5 % of the Canton market , but it was still large enough to tire Michael and Kelly out . I had contacted them and they met us at the flea market . We bought a few items , fruit and veggies , a belt for me and one for Michael , but Donna , now that Donna knows how to shop ! She came with a list of items she needed both for herself and for friends and as far as I know , she found everything . I had been planning to buy a belt when we go to Mexico but I found one here for about the same price and bought it ! I guess the coolest thing we did today was find Tramp 's little sister . When we crossed the street to go to the fruit stands , we all split up while shopping and Ted and Donna soon came to find me , telling me that they had found another dog . This was in almost exactly the same place that Tramp came from a couple of years ago . When I got there , sure enough , the dog was an exact likeness for Tramp . I spoke with the man who was selling her ( named Lola ) and learned that she is in fact Tramp 's little sister . The man seemed to remember him , but I know who she is . She looked so sad , but it could have been because she has been in a box all day with people looking and petting her all day . Stella and I both feel sorry for her but we don 't want another dog . Two is plenty ! We soon left Michael and Kelly , who were still shopping and went to eat at Furr 's Fresh Buffet , another of our favorites . That place was packed ! ! We 've never seen it as full before but the food is good , the service is good and the prices reasonable . After finishing up our meal , we all returned home . Ted and Donna were going to play games tonight and they invited us , but we were too tired and didn 't want to get out again , so we stayed home . This is most of the family , Mom , Dad , the four girls and one son . The other two sons don 't play with the rest of the family yet , but they are very good too . I guess the talent runs in the family . Here are the four girls , Kendra ( guitar ) , LaRae ( banjo ) , Alisa ( bass fiddle ) and Meghan ( violin ) . Kendra is the lead singer and writes a lot of their stuff . The three boys perform as The Walker Boys . They do a good job and are very entertaining . After the concert , we went over to Ted and Donna 's trailer to catch up with our friends . We had a nice visit with them before coming back home - right next door - to care for our fur kids . We look forward to many more good times down here . On Tuesday , our Heartland friends Michael and Kelly came over for a visit . They had just arrived from Corpus Christi and of course , their trailer was dirty from the trip . I had just ours washed and waxed and Michael wanted to see the job the " boys " had done on it , so they came to look . We got caught up some with them and decided to go out for supper and if there was time , to drive to Los Ebanos to the hand pulled ferry . To be safe , we followed them to the park where they are staying so they could pick up their passports in case we did get to go ride the ferry but since we were all hungry , we went to eat first . Since they haven ; t been to the valley before , we took them to one of our favorites , Martha 's Taqueira . We had been there a couple of days ago with our friend Mike and Linda , but we like it so well , and the menu is so varied , we went back today . Stella and I had something different from what we had the other day and as usual , it was delicious . I made it home in time to see my favorite show , NCIS . On Wednesday , we talked to some of our friends from home , Ted and Donna . We had been invited to meet Mike and Linda at a restaurant they had found , Alejandro 's for a seafood dinner tonight , so I told Ted and Donna about it and they said they wanted to go . I called Michael and Kelly and invited them and they agreed to meet us at the restaurant too , so it was going to be a party ! Somehow , we had gotten some wrong information about the location of the restaurant , and since there are three of them in the area , we went to the wrong one , along with Michael and Kelly . We finally figured out where we needed to be and we all came together at the restaurant in Mission . The food was good and reasonably priced and we all enjoyed our meal . Another problem in the restaurant was that they only had booths , and wouldn 't seat a group as large as ours . Mike and Linda had brought the other hosts at the Birding Center , so we had a group of nine to seat . We got it figured out and everyone left there stuffed . We rode over with Ted and Donna and they came inside our trailer to catch up . We have not seen them since last year in the valley , so we had plenty to talk about . It was good to chat with our friends again and we will be looking forward to meeting them again while we are down here . Thursday , we took care of little projects around here . We found a groomer for Cassie and took her to get all prettied up . While she was there , we came back home and Stella went to Bentsen Palms , the sister park right next door to do our laundry . This is a very nice place but it lacks some of the amenities of a regular RV park . There is no wifi , no mail boxes for visitors to receive mail and no laundry room . It is a beautiful park with very friendly people here , but there are a few things that need attention . Today 's entry is not going to be about much of anything except some observations that I 've made in the last couple of weeks . Yesterday ( and today ) was pretty much nothing but watching the football playoffs and vegging out . Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers for their underdog wins . I only hope that it carries on to today 's games . Go Texans ! ! Due to the weather , I 've spent more time in front of the television than normal . Have you ever spent time listening to the ads an TV ? Would anyone in their right mind actually buy a product because of the ads ? I certainly wouldn 't . The man playing catch with his son , you may have seen it , the man that throws like a girl and trying to teach his son to throw the ball . That 's a Volkswagen commercial . Why would that want to make me want to buy a VW ? The well - choreographed I - Pad commercial where everyone dances and twirls around with an I - Pad . It looks really cool and was probably very expensive to make and air in prime football - game time , but again , why does someone dancing with an expensive electronic gadget make me want to buy one ? Reduce the price on these items by that much and make it more affordable . Announcers . No , announcers and reporters . They make some of stupidest statements if we listen to them . One television guy , after a long run by a short player said " when he runs with those legs " . . . what else would he run on ? " Man , you just think I can run on those legs , you ought to see me run on my hands " . . . A female reporter interviewing someone after some heinous crime . " Tell me what you think Mrs . Smith , after your entire family was killed in that car wreck " . . . This is our site at Retama Village . It is a beautiful site and we thank Ken and Kathy for renting it to us this season . You know what ? I 'm gonna brag about myself ! We are almost two weeks into the new year and I haven 't mistakenly called it 2012 . I know it 's a little thing , but so far , no mistakes on my blog . At least on the date . . . Our friends from Inks Lake , Mike and Linda , came over today to with us to the RV show in Mercedes . I knew it would be a small show but we went anyway . They have a small motorhome and liked our Landmark when we were at Inks Lake , and I think they wanted to look at some more fifth wheels . I knew that Ron Hoover doesn 't participate in the show , so I stopped by the dealership for them to look . Sadly there was little inventory and no Landmarks . Oh well , I did what I could . As predicted , the show was very small and didn 't take long to go through the trailers there . They saw a Montana with a bath and a half that was nice . It had a front bath that was huge , with a nice dressing area and I have to admit , it was an innovative design . When we got back to our place , Mike was surprised to find a lot of black soot and burned grasses and fibers in his car . He had left his sunroof open just a crack and the farmers are burning sugar cane fields now and this junk gets all over everything in the path . It does blow off a truck or trailer , so it 's not a problem , but if there is moisture or a puddle , it really makes a mess . We made plans to meet Mike and Linda next week and then to find some entertainment that we can all go to . Our friends Ted and Donna will be down here next week , so with all the Heartland events we should be busy . It will be a good type of busy , and we 'll have fun . This is really a nice place to stay . Everyone here is very friendly and our neighbors came over yesterday afternoon after we got set up to introduce themselves , which I thought was very nice . I went for a long walk this morning and everyone that I met spoke and were very friendly , unlike some of the places we 've . The site is immaculate , and I have seen workers doing assorted jobs around the area . We stayed here this morning because we were tired from two days of driving in the rain . It took a lot out of me and I wanted to rest up a bit , but we wanted to run some errands this afternoon . I wanted some fresh grapefruit , so we went to the fruit stand that we always go to . Man , the area around Donna and Weslaco is changing . It looks more like Mexico now with a lot of dirty lots , dirty streets but brightly colored buildings and stores . Of course , all of the residents are Hispanic . When we got to the fruit stand , the building was all closed up with no cars parked out front and there was a large For Sale sign in front . Bummed out , I drove on by but sharp - eye Stella saw some cars on the side of the building , so I turned around and went back and found that the fruit stand was still open but all of the other shops are closed today . I was told that the other flea market stores only open on Wednesdays and the weekend , so I guess we 'll have to come back on the weekend and check it out . There was one very sad note inside . We saw a cute dog that seemed to be at home there but he had a very sad look about him . We learned that he belonged to the man and woman that owned the flea market and that they lived in a trailer beside the store . The lady had died a few years ago and the dog and his master were inseparable . When the man passed away a few months ago , the dog continued to live inside the store and spends most nights sleeping in his master 's recliner . All of the store employees care for the dog now with food and water . He was just so droopy - eyed and sad looking . . . . I almost wish we had room for another dog . No Way ! ! ! We got our errands taken care of and returned home in the five o ' clock traffic , but it 's NOTHING like the Houston traffic . We returned here and negotiated the front gate for the first time , using the entry code . It wasn 't bad but while driving in I felt like I was in a parade , waving at everyone . I told you how friendly these folks are . I really like this place . Another rainy morning ! I know that Texas needs the rain but I 'm already tired of it ! Stella and the pups slept late again this morning but when she took them out about 8 : 30 , it had stopped raining , so we got into a higher gear and pulled out about 9 : 30 . We have about 230 miles to go and it is freeway all the way , so it should be a smooth drive today . It rained off and on all day long until we got to Kingsville . It remained very cloudy and at one point the clouds in the distance looked like mountains . It was one of those things where you had to be there to see it . I tried to take a photo but it just didn 't show up but trust me , it was weird looking . I knew for a fact that we were a thousand miles from mountains , but they sure looked like them . We got to Mission about three o ' clock . It had been a good trip with no problems . We made only two stops today , but saw a lot of law enforcement on the road as we neared the valley area , Highway Patrol , Border Patrol and locals patrolling the highways . If I was a crook , this is the last place I would want to be ! Also after we got all set up , the Dish Network box finally died . It had been expected but I had been hopeful it might pull through but it was not to be . I called Dish Network and got a new box ordered . Stella later got an email from them saying that they had a service call scheduled for tomorrow . I called them back and supposedly had the service call cancelled and the box being sent verified . We 'll see what happens tomorrow . It 's a constant adventure around here . . . . ! Tuesday January 8 , 2013 - Moving Day - Oasis RV Resort to I am starting this entry very early in the morning . We had been notified that one of our parts had come in at the Katy Frwy . store and we have an appointment to have it installed this morning . We made all of our plans and made our last minute visits and then watched with interest , the weather guessers telling us that it will rain today and heavily tomorrow . They started out with telling us that it was going to start raining in the morning and continue all day , but they revised their forecast , saying it might rain in the morning and pick up later in the afternoon . As it turns out , they were right the first time . I woke about 3 this morning to the sound of raindrops on the roof . I finally got up about 5 : 30 and while reading the news online it started to rain again . It is now 6 : 30 and still raining . Its not like we haven 't hooked up in the rain before , but it 's never fun ! I 'll continue this later . . . Okay , I 'm back ! We actually got away at a decent time considering that we didn 't think we would leave this morning because of the heavy rain and winds that were predicted . Stella took the dogs out about 8 : 30 and found that it had stopped raining , so after I called the dealership to make sure they still wanted us to come up , we began to get everything packed up . We pulled out of the park about 9 : 45 but then I wanted to go to Discount Tire to get the road hazard warranty for the trailer tires . We were there for about an hour , while they inspected the trailer tires and checked the pressure on all of the tires , and made our way through Houston to Ron Hoover where they were waiting for us , but since it was near the noon hour , everyone was going to lunch . We unhooked the truck and went to Burger Tex for lunch and when we got back , we were only there for about 45 minutes and we were ready to go ! Of course , it started to rain again , but we made pretty good time down the highway toward Victoria . We made one stop at the Buccee 's in Wharton but it was absolutely worth it ! We stretched our legs , took care of personal matters and got coffee to go , and were only there about 20 minutes . We pulled into the Gateway to the Gulf RV Park close to 5 but it was an uneventful trip . This is not a bad park for an overnight stop and since they take Passport America , it a cheap stay . It has been awhile since I 've posted any photos here . The last time I tried to , I got a message that I would have to pay for photo storage . I ignored it but didn 't post any at the time and investigated the " charges " for storage which had been free for years . The only thing I could figure out was that when Google went public and now has to answer to investors , they now must charge for their services . At any rate , I have not done anything about this issue but received an email from another blogger asking me to see if I could post photos and you can see the results below : This is the rest of my hiking group , walking down the trail . We probably walked for 3 or 4 miles this day and really enjoyed the trail and the weather . Well there you go Donna . I seem to be able to post photos , so now when I take some new pictures , I 'll be able to share them . Not too much to report since the last entry . We went out to eat with friends and family a few times , I had a birthday dinner at one of the boys favorite places , Beyond Burger in Texas City . This is a good burger joint that is a cross between Fuddruckers and Red Robin . They deliver the burger to you without condiments but with a good selection including three types of mustard and two of catsup , you can build your own burger . They offer everything from regular burgers to exotic combinations , and everything that we had was good . Birthdays are just another day when you get to be my age , 66 years old , but one good thing came with this one . I can now go back to work and make as much as I want to and not affect my Social Security . I 've had several jobs or things I was pretty good at , at one time in my life , so if you 're in need of someone that can work from home two or three days a week for no more than four hours per day for a salary of at least $ 50 , 000 year , I 'm your man ! It has rained and been cold for the last three days ! It has rained hard for the past two days , but at least it hasn 't snowed . We heard from Pat and Lori and learned that it had snowed enough on them in Kerrville that they built a snowman . I talked to our friend Becky at Inks Lake and learned that it has been very cold there and that some employees that work in the park and live in Burnet came to work with snow on their cars . By the way , I checked the weather in Creede and it is 14 degrees right now with an expected low of - 1 . . . . Brrrr ! I also learned that one of the hosts that we worked with at Inks Lake had been involved in an accident . He has been driving one of the Gators when he turned around to answer someone that had called out to him and he hit a rock . Apparently he was knocked out of the Gator and suffered a concussion . He was admitted to the hospital but has been released and seems to be fine now . Congratulations to the Houston Texans for winning their playoff game . It wasn 't a pretty win but it 's a win and they go on to Foxboro Mass . for the next game . After Houston got blown out 42 - 14 at home in the nice warm dome , it probably won 't be pretty when they play in cold Massachusetts . We 'll see . . . Well . I 'm behind again , but you 're probably used to that by now . We have been spend most of our time with visiting with friends and family while we 're down here for a short time . It has been good to spend time with them because we 'll be leaving again soon . I tried to put together a small campfire get together here at the park , but it fell through . On Saturday , I went over to storage and picked up my firepit and brought it back so we would be ready if anyone wanted to come out . I tried to talk to Stacy , the manager of the park but she had called in sick . I did talk to Dave , the new General Manager here and told him what I had planned . He only said to talk to Stacy on Monday . Monday it began to rain off and on all afternoon . The rain stopped about dark , so I went down to the pool area where I had intended to meet with anyone that wanted to celebrate the new year , but no one showed up . I did talk to another couple that are staying here . They told me that they too had tried to stir up some interest but no one came out . They told me about some of the activities they had planned while they were here but they didn 't get much cooperation from park management . They are hopeful that Dave will help more in the future . They told me that Ron Hoover himself is supposed to come out to the park to look at the changes that they wish for . I guess we 'll see how that meeting goes . I want to tell you about Cassie . Is it possible that a dog has mental problems ? As those of you that know her , she is known for barking at everyone that comes around here but we thought it was what a Vet referred to as " fear aggression " , because she had been attacked by a coyote in our back yard and now feels like she has to intimidate anyone or anything she meets . Lately , she has started hiding or climbing into my lap when Stella starts to cook . For a long time , we joked about Stella setting off the smoke detector while cooking , but for the last month or so , every time Stella goes into the kitchen , Cassie either hides behind the recliners or gets into my lap . She is definitely afraid of something , and I can only assume it is the smoke detector . When Stella comes out of the kitchen , Cassie is fine again . I guess the main thing is to wish for everyone to have a happy , prosperous and safe new year . We have been so blessed with living our lifestyle and plan to travel as long as possible . Please wish us luck as we near another season of traveling . |
Today was another great day , but just a little warm in the afternoon . We rode with Jim and Nancy and met with some of our Heartland friends at Gonzales Burgers in Donna . It was Jim and Nancy & Kevin and Nelly 's first time to go to Gonzales , so it was a treat for them and a fun time for us to be with them . We noticed that the crowds are not as large as seasons past , but there are still plenty of people there . It must be true because I asked the man working there how much meat they go through and he said 100 pounds a day . I had been told that they used over 150 pounds on a visit last season . Also previously , they have stayed open until either business stopped or they ran out of meat , and now they have stated hours of operation , ending at 3PM . Our great economy strikes again ! The second photo is the rising moon over the prairie behind our place . Today was the first of four events here in the valley . We had a Meet and Greet at the Retama Village rec hall , as we have done for the last four years , and as usual , the facility is FIRST CLASS ! We had a very good day today . I did chores around here in the morning and we went over to Alamo to Willie 's Barbecue to meet Heartland friends Michael and Kelly & Kevin and Nelly for lunch . We all had a great meal and spent about 2 hours catching up between us . It was a good thing that the restaurant was not that crowded even though it was Sunday . When we left , the other four were going shopping at the Don - Wes flea market and the fruit and veggie stand across the street but Stella and I went to HEB to pick up a few items . I can 't believe how busy all the stores are on the weekend . I have been told that the weekends are when the people from Mexico come over to shop . I have seen a lot of Mexican license plates in the parking lots , so I guess there 's some truth in that story . We came on back home but along the way I noticed a couple of people sitting out by a Big Country trailer that I had been trying to find at home so I could invite them to our events next week , so I stopped and had a little visit with them . They are talking about full timing , so I told them to come to the meet and greet and we would take time to chat with them . They said they would try to make it . When we drove by the Cottonwood RV park , I decided to stop in to see our friends Corbin and Flora . We caught them at home and had a nice visit with them . We were able to help them get the local television channels by finding the channels on the rooftop antenna . We enjoyed our visit with them but soon came on home . Our friend , and President of the Heartland Owners club , Jim Beletti and his wife Nancy drove in late this afternoon . They had spent a couple of nights at our friend Bill Sims ' house in Port Arthur TX , a distance of about 440 miles . I 'm glad it wasn 't me making that drive . We knew they would be tired when they arrived , so Stella made some of her goulash soup and we all had a nice supper . Then she surprised everyone by making a single serving red velvet cake for us . She did very well and we were all full . We chatted with Jim and Nancy for awhile but they were tired and soon went home to bed . It was warm enough last night to leave the a / c on all night . I didn 't hear it come on but it was on . It sure felt good this afternoon in the mid 80 's temps . We didn 't do a lot today . I took Stella to the laundry next door at Bentsen Palm Village to wash up our clothes which didn 't take long . When she finished up we came back home to drop them off and went to Wal Mart to do our grocery shopping . It 's really a small world in the RV world . Last year in Pennsylvania , we met a man who had remodeled his trailer and then painted it and his truck the same color scheme . He was parked on the road behind us and I talked to him a lot about his modifications and paint job while we were there for the huge RV show . He was a vendor for some product but I don 't remember what it was . He is staying down the street from us here in Mission . . . I met a man with a huge Volvo truck that pulls an Excel trailer while we were at Creede this past summer . I talked extensively to him about his truck while we were in the park together , and today I saw him at Bentsen Palm Village . Small world . . . We certainly have felt safe here . The Border Patrol keeps a unit parked down the road from us , monitoring a large field . Although I haven 't seen anyone that was apprehended there , it is comforting to know that they are so near . Every night I hear the helicopters buzzing around . I don 't know if you remember it or not , but a couple of years ago when we were here with Tommy and Susan , Susan shined her flashlight at one of the copters while she was walking her dogs with Stella and our dogs . The helicopter lit them up with their million candlepower light , just to let them know he saw them . We had another very pleasant night with temps in the upper 60 's . It seems to be more restful to sleep with the windows open . I could do this all year ! We had made a " date " with Michael and Kelly to go to Gonzales Burgers in Donna today . They agreed to come over to our place and we would drive to the burger place . Our Heartland friends , Dave and Mary also met us here today . Cheeseburger , fries and onion rings ! Made a great lunch and I couldn 't finish mine . I believe that Stella and I could split one and still have plenty of food for both of us . I didn 't take a very good picture of the burger and how large it really is , but trust me , it 's BIG ! They changed the seating inside the store but there was still plenty of room for everyone . Maybe some people stayed away today because there seemed to be less people eating today . The burgers were delicious and we all enjoyed them and had a good visit with our friends . We came back to our place and Michael showed us how to repair our blinds . One had broken while we were in Burnet at Inks Lake and we had ordered a new one from Ron Hoover RV , but after Michael 's repairs , we 'll just fix them in the future . It probably took him 30 minutes to take it apart and repair it , but that was showing me every step of the way . If I hadn 't been in his way , he 's probably been done in 15 or 20 minutes . Thank you Michael for saving us a lot of money in the future . When we finished up the repair , we sat outside in the cool afternoon and watched the folks walking and riding in golf carts for the open village this afternoon . I spoke to one of the leaders of the show and he said they had probably 400 people that came through today . I know I saw a lot this afternoon . We would love to come back here next season but we 'll have to wait to make a reservation . I think there are enough rental units that may be available so we can get a place to stay here . We 'll see how this works out . We had another very nice weather - day here in the valley . We 've been sleeping with the windows open and only having to run the a / c in the afternoon when it warms up into the 80 's . Of course , this is a big part of why we come down here to south Texas . We went out around noon to go give out some more flyers for the events next week and went to 9 RV parks in the Donna area . Man , there is certainly a huge difference in the two areas we have gone into for their reception . When I went to the parks in Mission , the folks there were actually glad to be invited and I visited with a few of them , but the Donna area is quite different . They acted as if they were bothered to answer the door and obviously accepted the flyer only to get me off the doorstep . They would take it and say " we may come " or whatever it took to get me away . After finishing up my " chores " , we went over to Michael and Kelly 's place at the Canyon Lake RV Resort for a supper with them and then a show at the park . Kelly prepared her Mother 's recipe spaghetti and meatballs and it was great . Her Mom certainly passed on a delicious recipe ! We always make it a point to see the Link Union , which was formerly known as The Link Family . We have been watching this family group for a few years when we come to the valley , and they did not disappoint us tonight . There have been some changes in the group and now the Dad has to work the sound boards , but they are adding their youngest brother and it all worked out . They also changed their act and added more Celtic music and several rock and roll numbers . All in all , it was a great concert and I will be looking forward to seeing them again . When we got home , we didn 't see any coyotes but we sure have heard them every night . They howl and yip all night and seem to be in our back yard , but we haven 't actually seen one up close and personal . We 'll keep our eyes open and the dogs on a close leash . . . Gotta love this weather ! It was about 65 degrees when I got up this morning and got up into the low 80 's in the afternoon . It was cloudy in the morning , but it cleared off nicely this afternoon . I didn 't do an entry for Monday because the only thing we did was go around to the surrounding parks to distribute flyers for the dealer open house for next week . We went to 8 parks and met some nice people that seemed interested in coming to the two events for next week . I guess we 'll have to wait until next week to see . I did locate the park where the Redhead Express group is staying but I 'll respect their privacy and not say where they are . I intended to go back out to put out more flyers today but got a call from some of our old friends , Tom and Judy , who said they were coming over from Edinburg where they are staying now and wanted to come by for a visit . Of course we told them to come on over , and when they got here , we sat outside in the shade beside the trailer and the coach house and had a great visit with them . We went to eat with them at a local restaurant , Tio Chuy 's . We have been there before and liked it but thought it had closed because we never see any cars in the parking lot . When we got there , we learned that Chuy had been in a serious traffic accident several months ago but he is recovered and was working today . Tom and Judy know Chuy and all of the girls that work there , so they had some good times with them . Not long after Tom dropped us off at home , I was sitting in my chair and getting ready for a siesta when Ted and Donna came by to drop off some tickets to a show for next weekend at another park that is near by . We had a nice chat with them . Ted put his truck in the shop for a whine in the rear end and Ford is replacing the entire rear end . They are driving a small rental car , so I didn 't hear them drive up . I posted a couple more activities for next week for the heartland owners that are down here in the valley . I am looking forward to seeing them next week and hope that everything runs smoothly . I 'm sure it will but am still a bit nervous about it . We had made plans to go over to Nuevo Progresso Mexico today with our friends Michael and Kelly & Ted and Donna . We picked Michael and Kelly up at their place and went to meet Ted and Donna in the parking lot near the border crossing . We got over without any problems and started making our purchases . We stopped at Rene 's Bakery for a brunch of pastries and tacos before resuming our shopping . We had a very good time with our friends and although Stella and I didn 't make all of the purchases that we need to , we came on back to the good old USA . You can check on Kelly 's blog for a lot of pictures including one of me having my passport checked . She got yelled at by a couple of the Border Patrol officers because no pictures are allowed . You can 't see the Border Patrol officer 's face but the rules are the rules . I managed to get back into the country and Kelly didn 't get locked up for violating the rules , so everything worked out just fine . Good morning ! We had another great day here in Mission with cool temperatures in the morning and warm in the afternoon . When I woke this morning , after reading the news online , I was cold , so I stole one of the blankets that we keep on the couch , and was instantly back asleep . Normal morning routine . . . I saw 84 degrees on the thermometer this afternoon . I went for my mile and a half walk this morning and saw many others in the neighborhood getting their mileage in . I miss my hikes up into the hills above Inks Lake state park , the mountain views in Creede and even the coastal breezes of La Marque , but this is a great place to walk . No traffic , friendly people , no bad dogs to chase me . . . . how much better can it get ? We stayed home and watched the football championship games on television today . I still can 't get over the improved picture on the TV after replacing the receiver box . Maybe I 'll work on a plan to replace the box every couple of years to keep this great picture . I 'm certain that it doesn 't take very long to jar something loose by bouncing down our roads and I really do like this picture . On close - ups I can tell if the men have shaved today or not . Congratulations go to the San Francisco 49er 's and the Baltimore Ravens for their wins . Of course I 'm sad that there are no Texas teams that made it this far , but there 's always next season . It 's hard to believe that football season is almost over again . After the Super Bowl in a couple of weeks , I won 't have anything to watch on a Sunday afternoon . Boy , the weather has been great here for a few days . It has been cool at night and warms into the 70 's during the day . We decided to go to the Don - Wes Flea Market which is in Donna TX . This market is about 5 % of the Canton market , but it was still large enough to tire Michael and Kelly out . I had contacted them and they met us at the flea market . We bought a few items , fruit and veggies , a belt for me and one for Michael , but Donna , now that Donna knows how to shop ! She came with a list of items she needed both for herself and for friends and as far as I know , she found everything . I had been planning to buy a belt when we go to Mexico but I found one here for about the same price and bought it ! I guess the coolest thing we did today was find Tramp 's little sister . When we crossed the street to go to the fruit stands , we all split up while shopping and Ted and Donna soon came to find me , telling me that they had found another dog . This was in almost exactly the same place that Tramp came from a couple of years ago . When I got there , sure enough , the dog was an exact likeness for Tramp . I spoke with the man who was selling her ( named Lola ) and learned that she is in fact Tramp 's little sister . The man seemed to remember him , but I know who she is . She looked so sad , but it could have been because she has been in a box all day with people looking and petting her all day . Stella and I both feel sorry for her but we don 't want another dog . Two is plenty ! We soon left Michael and Kelly , who were still shopping and went to eat at Furr 's Fresh Buffet , another of our favorites . That place was packed ! ! We 've never seen it as full before but the food is good , the service is good and the prices reasonable . After finishing up our meal , we all returned home . Ted and Donna were going to play games tonight and they invited us , but we were too tired and didn 't want to get out again , so we stayed home . This is most of the family , Mom , Dad , the four girls and one son . The other two sons don 't play with the rest of the family yet , but they are very good too . I guess the talent runs in the family . Here are the four girls , Kendra ( guitar ) , LaRae ( banjo ) , Alisa ( bass fiddle ) and Meghan ( violin ) . Kendra is the lead singer and writes a lot of their stuff . The three boys perform as The Walker Boys . They do a good job and are very entertaining . After the concert , we went over to Ted and Donna 's trailer to catch up with our friends . We had a nice visit with them before coming back home - right next door - to care for our fur kids . We look forward to many more good times down here . On Tuesday , our Heartland friends Michael and Kelly came over for a visit . They had just arrived from Corpus Christi and of course , their trailer was dirty from the trip . I had just ours washed and waxed and Michael wanted to see the job the " boys " had done on it , so they came to look . We got caught up some with them and decided to go out for supper and if there was time , to drive to Los Ebanos to the hand pulled ferry . To be safe , we followed them to the park where they are staying so they could pick up their passports in case we did get to go ride the ferry but since we were all hungry , we went to eat first . Since they haven ; t been to the valley before , we took them to one of our favorites , Martha 's Taqueira . We had been there a couple of days ago with our friend Mike and Linda , but we like it so well , and the menu is so varied , we went back today . Stella and I had something different from what we had the other day and as usual , it was delicious . I made it home in time to see my favorite show , NCIS . On Wednesday , we talked to some of our friends from home , Ted and Donna . We had been invited to meet Mike and Linda at a restaurant they had found , Alejandro 's for a seafood dinner tonight , so I told Ted and Donna about it and they said they wanted to go . I called Michael and Kelly and invited them and they agreed to meet us at the restaurant too , so it was going to be a party ! Somehow , we had gotten some wrong information about the location of the restaurant , and since there are three of them in the area , we went to the wrong one , along with Michael and Kelly . We finally figured out where we needed to be and we all came together at the restaurant in Mission . The food was good and reasonably priced and we all enjoyed our meal . Another problem in the restaurant was that they only had booths , and wouldn 't seat a group as large as ours . Mike and Linda had brought the other hosts at the Birding Center , so we had a group of nine to seat . We got it figured out and everyone left there stuffed . We rode over with Ted and Donna and they came inside our trailer to catch up . We have not seen them since last year in the valley , so we had plenty to talk about . It was good to chat with our friends again and we will be looking forward to meeting them again while we are down here . Thursday , we took care of little projects around here . We found a groomer for Cassie and took her to get all prettied up . While she was there , we came back home and Stella went to Bentsen Palms , the sister park right next door to do our laundry . This is a very nice place but it lacks some of the amenities of a regular RV park . There is no wifi , no mail boxes for visitors to receive mail and no laundry room . It is a beautiful park with very friendly people here , but there are a few things that need attention . Today 's entry is not going to be about much of anything except some observations that I 've made in the last couple of weeks . Yesterday ( and today ) was pretty much nothing but watching the football playoffs and vegging out . Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers for their underdog wins . I only hope that it carries on to today 's games . Go Texans ! ! Due to the weather , I 've spent more time in front of the television than normal . Have you ever spent time listening to the ads an TV ? Would anyone in their right mind actually buy a product because of the ads ? I certainly wouldn 't . The man playing catch with his son , you may have seen it , the man that throws like a girl and trying to teach his son to throw the ball . That 's a Volkswagen commercial . Why would that want to make me want to buy a VW ? The well - choreographed I - Pad commercial where everyone dances and twirls around with an I - Pad . It looks really cool and was probably very expensive to make and air in prime football - game time , but again , why does someone dancing with an expensive electronic gadget make me want to buy one ? Reduce the price on these items by that much and make it more affordable . Announcers . No , announcers and reporters . They make some of stupidest statements if we listen to them . One television guy , after a long run by a short player said " when he runs with those legs " . . . what else would he run on ? " Man , you just think I can run on those legs , you ought to see me run on my hands " . . . A female reporter interviewing someone after some heinous crime . " Tell me what you think Mrs . Smith , after your entire family was killed in that car wreck " . . . This is our site at Retama Village . It is a beautiful site and we thank Ken and Kathy for renting it to us this season . You know what ? I 'm gonna brag about myself ! We are almost two weeks into the new year and I haven 't mistakenly called it 2012 . I know it 's a little thing , but so far , no mistakes on my blog . At least on the date . . . Our friends from Inks Lake , Mike and Linda , came over today to with us to the RV show in Mercedes . I knew it would be a small show but we went anyway . They have a small motorhome and liked our Landmark when we were at Inks Lake , and I think they wanted to look at some more fifth wheels . I knew that Ron Hoover doesn 't participate in the show , so I stopped by the dealership for them to look . Sadly there was little inventory and no Landmarks . Oh well , I did what I could . As predicted , the show was very small and didn 't take long to go through the trailers there . They saw a Montana with a bath and a half that was nice . It had a front bath that was huge , with a nice dressing area and I have to admit , it was an innovative design . When we got back to our place , Mike was surprised to find a lot of black soot and burned grasses and fibers in his car . He had left his sunroof open just a crack and the farmers are burning sugar cane fields now and this junk gets all over everything in the path . It does blow off a truck or trailer , so it 's not a problem , but if there is moisture or a puddle , it really makes a mess . We made plans to meet Mike and Linda next week and then to find some entertainment that we can all go to . Our friends Ted and Donna will be down here next week , so with all the Heartland events we should be busy . It will be a good type of busy , and we 'll have fun . This is really a nice place to stay . Everyone here is very friendly and our neighbors came over yesterday afternoon after we got set up to introduce themselves , which I thought was very nice . I went for a long walk this morning and everyone that I met spoke and were very friendly , unlike some of the places we 've . The site is immaculate , and I have seen workers doing assorted jobs around the area . We stayed here this morning because we were tired from two days of driving in the rain . It took a lot out of me and I wanted to rest up a bit , but we wanted to run some errands this afternoon . I wanted some fresh grapefruit , so we went to the fruit stand that we always go to . Man , the area around Donna and Weslaco is changing . It looks more like Mexico now with a lot of dirty lots , dirty streets but brightly colored buildings and stores . Of course , all of the residents are Hispanic . When we got to the fruit stand , the building was all closed up with no cars parked out front and there was a large For Sale sign in front . Bummed out , I drove on by but sharp - eye Stella saw some cars on the side of the building , so I turned around and went back and found that the fruit stand was still open but all of the other shops are closed today . I was told that the other flea market stores only open on Wednesdays and the weekend , so I guess we 'll have to come back on the weekend and check it out . There was one very sad note inside . We saw a cute dog that seemed to be at home there but he had a very sad look about him . We learned that he belonged to the man and woman that owned the flea market and that they lived in a trailer beside the store . The lady had died a few years ago and the dog and his master were inseparable . When the man passed away a few months ago , the dog continued to live inside the store and spends most nights sleeping in his master 's recliner . All of the store employees care for the dog now with food and water . He was just so droopy - eyed and sad looking . . . . I almost wish we had room for another dog . No Way ! ! ! We got our errands taken care of and returned home in the five o ' clock traffic , but it 's NOTHING like the Houston traffic . We returned here and negotiated the front gate for the first time , using the entry code . It wasn 't bad but while driving in I felt like I was in a parade , waving at everyone . I told you how friendly these folks are . I really like this place . Another rainy morning ! I know that Texas needs the rain but I 'm already tired of it ! Stella and the pups slept late again this morning but when she took them out about 8 : 30 , it had stopped raining , so we got into a higher gear and pulled out about 9 : 30 . We have about 230 miles to go and it is freeway all the way , so it should be a smooth drive today . It rained off and on all day long until we got to Kingsville . It remained very cloudy and at one point the clouds in the distance looked like mountains . It was one of those things where you had to be there to see it . I tried to take a photo but it just didn 't show up but trust me , it was weird looking . I knew for a fact that we were a thousand miles from mountains , but they sure looked like them . We got to Mission about three o ' clock . It had been a good trip with no problems . We made only two stops today , but saw a lot of law enforcement on the road as we neared the valley area , Highway Patrol , Border Patrol and locals patrolling the highways . If I was a crook , this is the last place I would want to be ! Also after we got all set up , the Dish Network box finally died . It had been expected but I had been hopeful it might pull through but it was not to be . I called Dish Network and got a new box ordered . Stella later got an email from them saying that they had a service call scheduled for tomorrow . I called them back and supposedly had the service call cancelled and the box being sent verified . We 'll see what happens tomorrow . It 's a constant adventure around here . . . . ! Tuesday January 8 , 2013 - Moving Day - Oasis RV Resort to I am starting this entry very early in the morning . We had been notified that one of our parts had come in at the Katy Frwy . store and we have an appointment to have it installed this morning . We made all of our plans and made our last minute visits and then watched with interest , the weather guessers telling us that it will rain today and heavily tomorrow . They started out with telling us that it was going to start raining in the morning and continue all day , but they revised their forecast , saying it might rain in the morning and pick up later in the afternoon . As it turns out , they were right the first time . I woke about 3 this morning to the sound of raindrops on the roof . I finally got up about 5 : 30 and while reading the news online it started to rain again . It is now 6 : 30 and still raining . Its not like we haven 't hooked up in the rain before , but it 's never fun ! I 'll continue this later . . . Okay , I 'm back ! We actually got away at a decent time considering that we didn 't think we would leave this morning because of the heavy rain and winds that were predicted . Stella took the dogs out about 8 : 30 and found that it had stopped raining , so after I called the dealership to make sure they still wanted us to come up , we began to get everything packed up . We pulled out of the park about 9 : 45 but then I wanted to go to Discount Tire to get the road hazard warranty for the trailer tires . We were there for about an hour , while they inspected the trailer tires and checked the pressure on all of the tires , and made our way through Houston to Ron Hoover where they were waiting for us , but since it was near the noon hour , everyone was going to lunch . We unhooked the truck and went to Burger Tex for lunch and when we got back , we were only there for about 45 minutes and we were ready to go ! Of course , it started to rain again , but we made pretty good time down the highway toward Victoria . We made one stop at the Buccee 's in Wharton but it was absolutely worth it ! We stretched our legs , took care of personal matters and got coffee to go , and were only there about 20 minutes . We pulled into the Gateway to the Gulf RV Park close to 5 but it was an uneventful trip . This is not a bad park for an overnight stop and since they take Passport America , it a cheap stay . It has been awhile since I 've posted any photos here . The last time I tried to , I got a message that I would have to pay for photo storage . I ignored it but didn 't post any at the time and investigated the " charges " for storage which had been free for years . The only thing I could figure out was that when Google went public and now has to answer to investors , they now must charge for their services . At any rate , I have not done anything about this issue but received an email from another blogger asking me to see if I could post photos and you can see the results below : This is the rest of my hiking group , walking down the trail . We probably walked for 3 or 4 miles this day and really enjoyed the trail and the weather . Well there you go Donna . I seem to be able to post photos , so now when I take some new pictures , I 'll be able to share them . Not too much to report since the last entry . We went out to eat with friends and family a few times , I had a birthday dinner at one of the boys favorite places , Beyond Burger in Texas City . This is a good burger joint that is a cross between Fuddruckers and Red Robin . They deliver the burger to you without condiments but with a good selection including three types of mustard and two of catsup , you can build your own burger . They offer everything from regular burgers to exotic combinations , and everything that we had was good . Birthdays are just another day when you get to be my age , 66 years old , but one good thing came with this one . I can now go back to work and make as much as I want to and not affect my Social Security . I 've had several jobs or things I was pretty good at , at one time in my life , so if you 're in need of someone that can work from home two or three days a week for no more than four hours per day for a salary of at least $ 50 , 000 year , I 'm your man ! It has rained and been cold for the last three days ! It has rained hard for the past two days , but at least it hasn 't snowed . We heard from Pat and Lori and learned that it had snowed enough on them in Kerrville that they built a snowman . I talked to our friend Becky at Inks Lake and learned that it has been very cold there and that some employees that work in the park and live in Burnet came to work with snow on their cars . By the way , I checked the weather in Creede and it is 14 degrees right now with an expected low of - 1 . . . . Brrrr ! I also learned that one of the hosts that we worked with at Inks Lake had been involved in an accident . He has been driving one of the Gators when he turned around to answer someone that had called out to him and he hit a rock . Apparently he was knocked out of the Gator and suffered a concussion . He was admitted to the hospital but has been released and seems to be fine now . Congratulations to the Houston Texans for winning their playoff game . It wasn 't a pretty win but it 's a win and they go on to Foxboro Mass . for the next game . After Houston got blown out 42 - 14 at home in the nice warm dome , it probably won 't be pretty when they play in cold Massachusetts . We 'll see . . . Well . I 'm behind again , but you 're probably used to that by now . We have been spend most of our time with visiting with friends and family while we 're down here for a short time . It has been good to spend time with them because we 'll be leaving again soon . I tried to put together a small campfire get together here at the park , but it fell through . On Saturday , I went over to storage and picked up my firepit and brought it back so we would be ready if anyone wanted to come out . I tried to talk to Stacy , the manager of the park but she had called in sick . I did talk to Dave , the new General Manager here and told him what I had planned . He only said to talk to Stacy on Monday . Monday it began to rain off and on all afternoon . The rain stopped about dark , so I went down to the pool area where I had intended to meet with anyone that wanted to celebrate the new year , but no one showed up . I did talk to another couple that are staying here . They told me that they too had tried to stir up some interest but no one came out . They told me about some of the activities they had planned while they were here but they didn 't get much cooperation from park management . They are hopeful that Dave will help more in the future . They told me that Ron Hoover himself is supposed to come out to the park to look at the changes that they wish for . I guess we 'll see how that meeting goes . I want to tell you about Cassie . Is it possible that a dog has mental problems ? As those of you that know her , she is known for barking at everyone that comes around here but we thought it was what a Vet referred to as " fear aggression " , because she had been attacked by a coyote in our back yard and now feels like she has to intimidate anyone or anything she meets . Lately , she has started hiding or climbing into my lap when Stella starts to cook . For a long time , we joked about Stella setting off the smoke detector while cooking , but for the last month or so , every time Stella goes into the kitchen , Cassie either hides behind the recliners or gets into my lap . She is definitely afraid of something , and I can only assume it is the smoke detector . When Stella comes out of the kitchen , Cassie is fine again . I guess the main thing is to wish for everyone to have a happy , prosperous and safe new year . We have been so blessed with living our lifestyle and plan to travel as long as possible . Please wish us luck as we near another season of traveling . |
I am a 52 year old woman who has been having shoulder problems for about 1 year . Pain , stiffness , then it seemed all at once I couldn 't raise my left arm . I don 't recall any injury ; and have been seeking treatment since October 2006 . I have had a manipulation under general anesthesia , but still am unable to bring my arm around to my back , or to the opposite front pocket . Now , November 2007 , I have been diagnosed with breast cancer - - infiltrating ductal carcinoma , grade II , and ductal carcinoma in situ , noncomedo type , nuclear grade II with associated calcifications . The largest focus of carcinoma measures 1 . 2 cm . A typical , interrupted night of sleep . The radio came on when I could have really settled in , but I got up and ready for work . A safe drive down , thank you God , and we had a good day with us " old " co - workers , three of us who have worked together for at least 20 years . Strange , odd , confident in each other . The day was long , though , and we were glad to see the night shift come in . A safe drive home , thanks again , and Dan was sleeping on the bed . He woke somewhat and acknowledged that I was home , but went back to sleep . I 'm thinking I might like to go to sleep soon , too . My wrist has been uncomfortable and I know when the motrin wears off . It 's about time for more . Tomorrow is a workday for me . Dan is golfing - - it 's also his 60th birthday . Woo Hoo ! Thank you for reading . Hugs . I was sleeping this morning when I thought I heard pounding , like knocking on the door . I saw that it was a little before 9 - - I didn 't get up . As I was drifting off to sleep , the phone rang . Ugh . Maybe it 's important . . . The missed call was a business call , and that person called back before too long . The knock on the door was Bob , who also called , to say that they were getting eave troughs installed and the truck would be in my driveway for a short time . Ok , thanks . The next couple hours I tried to get breakfast , in between phone calls . Funny how it seems to happen that the phone hardly rings , then there are times that it rings constantly . Anyway , it was almost noon , and I wanted to shower . I enjoyed the shower , and the best part was when I looked at the back of the plumbing , and the caulk that I had put on . Everything was dry ! ! Woo Hoo ! ! I cleaned the tub and washed the dishes , getting things ready for me to leave . I got my things collected throughout the day to go home . KS stopped in with her mom for a brief visit . Even though I wanted to paint in the bedroom today , it was more important to catch up on the outside tasks . I sprayed the perimeter of the house and part of the garage with bug spray , added more potting soil to the plants and watered them . Just as I was finishing up , KS arrives with their stuff , as they are moving to the JC today to free up the GC for Amber and her girls , and a couple of friends also . I continued to gather and pack . I realized that I needed to eat , but Tom brought the girls over in the boat . It was sooo good to see Amber ; and her daughters Gia and Shea . They are all three beauties . Unfortunately , I had to leave , so we couldn 't play in the speedboat , and Daniel had also called while they were there . I touched base with him , hugged Amber again as they left , made my lunch as I packed up the refrigerator . I ate while KS unpacked her cooler . Pretty soon I was ready to go . Tom had come back . I loaded up and took off about 6 : 40 . It was a good ride home , thank you God , with a few miles of rain . HolPosted by I slept like I usually do , intermittently . My wrist didn 't hurt as bad , though , this morning . Praise the Lord for less discomfort ! After breakfast I wandered around outside , swept the deck and walks . Watered plants , picked up stuff . I was done with that , and went in to paint . I ended up getting a third wall done in the middle bedroom . Tom and KS came by in their boat , and we visited some , and after they left , I realized I needed to eat . So I did , then finished painting the wall . There , that 's done . I had to get outside and get the lower bank raked and leaves burned . Got that done , too , and had a nice fire going when T & KS came back to share it with me . I also swept off the pontoon . It amazes me how the tree debris blows onto it . We had a nice visit by the fire , and Tom went on back to the GC about dark . KS and I stayed by the fire a while , then went in and did another yoga session . That one was really good . I got the flashlights out and walked her halfway home , then came back by myself . I did well by not listening to the night noises and getting creeped out . Tomorrow I want to paint the last wall in that middle bedroom , then I have to clean up and go home . Boo . Thank you for reading . Hugs . I did sleep pretty good after maybe 5 AM . That 's ok , I got up about 9 : 30 . I had breakfast and a shower , and not too long after , KS and Tom were here . We visited , then went over to visit Aunt Donna in Prescott . It was lovely . A lovely drive , lovely company , and a good meal . KS and I washed / dried dishes while Tom mowed her lawn . I think Aunt Donna enjoyed us coming over as much as she did having her lawn mowed . And we enjoyed visiting with her . Back at the lake , we had 80 degrees and mostly sunny with a light wind . I put some caulk around the back side of the plumbing of the bathtub - - the hot and cold faucet and the shower diverter handle . Then I went outside and laid out on the glider and had a short nap . It was very nice . I spent some time trying to get the computer hooked up to the television , and as I was doing that , KS showed up . We had a good visit , and I also got the tv hooked up , and we did a 30 minute yoga session . It was good , doing those stretches . She left and I wrote here . Not sure what tomorrow is , other than a great day at the lake . There is a waning moon over the lake with temps in the mid 60 's and a light breeze . My wrist is still pretty sore , but I 'm alive and still cancer free . Thank you for reading . Hugs . I was very pleased to have slept last night ! ! At least 4 hours in a row ! And then when I went easily back to sleep , it was about 2 1 / 2 hours after that . That may not sound all that wonderful , but it seems that I am awake about every hour or hour and a half or so , and awake for sometimes a half hour . And when it 's a workday , I 'm up at 0430 , which translates to not much sleep . I was hoping to be " on call " , so I could get ready to go up north . When I woke , it was about 0330 , so I called to find out . Yes , I could . Yippee ! ! I rolled over and went right back to sleep . Wow . I haven 't done that in a long time . Daniel didn 't have to get up this morning either , and soon it was 8 o ' clock . He got up and stayed up , which surprised me . I got up about 9 : 30 . I collected my things as I got ready for the day , setting them on the bed to take to the lake . I had brought some things home to launder , so I had a couple extra bags . After breakfast , I caught up on computer stuff . My reading / comprehension speed has definitely decreased , and instead of being a moderately quick , it 's definitely slower . So it takes longer to go through the articles that come into the inbox . I got through it , though , and it was after 2 o ' clock . I suggested to Dan that since we were both home , why don 't we go out for food ? He thought that was a good idea . We went to Bob Evans . It was nice to see and spend time with my husband . I haven 't really " seen " him in about 3 weeks . We were catching up . It was after 4 when we got back . Dan would be leaving for his golf league soon , and I called the unit to see if I was going to be needed . Nope , Debi said . WooHoo again ! I finished packing after Dan left , loaded the car . I left about 5 , and took the " back " way instead of the freeway , as it was traffic time . As it was , I got caught in Flint for a 30 minute back - up . I tried not to be anxious , but I was a little frustrated with the delay . I ended up stopping at Wilder Road Meijer , to re - fuel the vehicle , use the restroom , and walk around . I ended up buying a few groceries , too , so IPosted by Slept a short night , seems that I was awake too many times for the five hours I was in bed . A safe drive down , thank you God , and we had a good day , kind of steady busy . I love my co - workers , though , and it was pleasant . The night shift came in and we were ready to go home . Dan got home shortly after I did . We had a quiet night , and I 'm ready to go to bed . My wrist is sore - - I 've taken the third dose of ibuprofen this evening . I 'm hoping to be on call tomorrow . We 'll see how that works out . Thank you for reading . Hugs . Yup . Another birthday . 55 . Woo Hoo ! ! I slept pretty good , too , waking about 9 : 30 this morning . I had done an hour of yoga last night , and for the next couple of hours or so I was urinating a lot . The swelling has gone down a lot in my left arm , but the axilla / armpit is still kind of numb and itchy and full . I suppose I 'll be making an appointment to see Ike at some point . . . I had a great day today . After a breakfast , which was about noon , I put Dan 's and my vitamins / supplements together . ( we each take a multivitamin , calcium , B complex , and E , and he uses glucosamine and cal / mag , too ) With all the prescription medication bottles from the pharmacy , we take the labels off of them , and put the days ' supplements in them . Of course we 've got more bottles than we need , and I take the extra ones to be recycled . I also spent some time looking at the cd 's that Jim had made us of the family photos . Interesting the things you see or notice at the different times when looking at them . It was an affirmation of my self and my family today . We are truly blessed with who we are . Dan came home a bit early , as we didn 't know when Jeremy would be calling us for dinner . He was napping , and Frank had arrived , and Jeremy said he would be in Flint at the Olive Garden at 4 : 30 . I woke Dan , as it was 3 : 30 when Jeremy called , and we got on our way . We had a lovely visit with Jeremy and his friend Jenny . We lingered after eating , but felt the need to leave , as the lobby was filling with people waiting , and we had been there a couple of hours . A nice drive home , thank you God , and we three visited a little before Frank left . Dan went in to shower and has gone to bed . I 've been watching the full moon rise in the clear summer sky . Makes me want to howl . Tomorrow is a workday for both of us . Thank you for reading . Hugs . I slept better this morning , after Dan had left for work , and could have probably slept another hour and a half or so . But I had to get up and get things done to be ready for my haircut . I sorted laundry , but decided to wait until I got home to start it . I had a nice shower . I 'm surprised at how dry this water made my skin . I had breakfast , made a grocery list , and it was time to leave . A good drive to Jackson , thank you God , and Lauretta did a pretty good job on my hair . It seemed really long to me . Funny how that doesn 't mean down to my waist . . . As I was leaving Michigan Center , I passed the Bras That Fit shop . Of course I 've seen it on the many times I 've been out there , and I 've heard my friends talking about going there . And on an impulse I stopped in . It 's a nice shop , and when the girl asked how could she help me , I told her I 'd like to be fitted for a bra . Ok , she said , and took me to a fitting room . She wrapped a measuring tape around me and said 33 . Hm . We talked about the construction of the things , and how the fluid collects over my ribs , and that I 've been trying larger sizes . She went out and came back with one for me to try . I ended up trying on 4 , and buying one . It ended up being a 40 A ! ! I know it 's just a number , but it 's kind of funny . So now I have a " real " bra that I 'll wear for " occasions " . And I might purchase one of the others I tried on , too . That done , I continued on to Meijer , for gas and groceries . I pulled up to the pump , but the employee said their pumps were not working just then , and they were trying to fix it . Ok - - I decided to go over to the other store . I did , got gas , went in and got groceries , and remembered that I needed to stop at the credit union . Back across town , banking done , then on the road home . A safe drive , thanks again , and the sun was finally coming out after a couple days of rain and storms . I put things away , started laundry , fixed my food and ate . Dan came home , he looked tired . He went out on the balcony and run the clippers over his head , and when he asked me to helpPosted by Ugh . I hardly slept last night . Or so it seemed . I saw the clock several different times , and finally the alarm came on . Time to get up . . . A safe drive to Jackson , thank you God . The car thermometer showed 78 degrees in Holt and 80 degrees this morning at 0615 when I was in the parking lot . Can you believe it ? We had a good day , with a great group of co - workers . I was happy to be able to leave when the shift was over . Even if it was inbetween thundershowers . A safe drive home , thanks again , and the rain had stopped about halfway home . Temp was 73 in the parking lot , and 80 again at home . Dan had been sleeping when I called to tell him I was on my way , but he was up when I got home . We visited a bit and he went back to bed . Tomorrow is a haircut for me . Can 't wait . Thank you for reading . Hugs . The first part of the morning was sunny , but when I actually got out of bed it was gray overcast , just a minimal light breeze , low 70 's . As I got up and around , I collected my things together to get ready to go home . It is , sadly , the last day of my vacation . It was , happily , a good vacation . Lots of good times , laughs , hugs , and just plain feelin ' good shared with people I love . Thanks to each and all of you . We breakfasted and enjoyed being outside in the mild weather . Vonnie and I went for a walk and met one of the neighbors down Grace Street . He was painting the trim on the house ; we stopped to chat , and the next thing I knew he invited us in to show us how he had remodeled the inside . It was an odd deja vu for me - - I had been in that cottage as a young girl when the Brewer 's were there , though I don 't have a distinct recollection of the interior . While we were gone on our walk , though , we missed Jim and Polly stopping by on their way to Tawas to celebrate their 42 ? wedding anniversary . Can you believe it ? ? Happy Anniversary ! Vonnie got her things packed and loaded and left about 2 . I got my things together and packed up , vacuumed throughout , gave Frank many requests to follow up on , fixed my food and ate , then Frank loaded my car and I had to leave . It was about 6 : 30 , and had been trying to rain for a couple hours . Thanks , Frank , for taking care of the bathroom . . . An uneventful drive home , thank you God , even with a couple areas of rain . It was dry from Flint to Lansing , with lightning nearby as I turned into the complex . I 'm Home ! ! It smelled good , and I came up the stairs and woke up Daniel . He dutifully and without complaining , got up and helped me carry things in . Thank you Baby . I appreciate that . We didn 't talk much - - he went back to bed - - and I unpacked the foodstuff and cooler , looked through my mail , just re - acclimated . Tomorrow is a workday for both of us , and I 'm hoping to sleep at least fairly well in this bed . My wrist is sore and swollen this afternoon , and since I think I took an afternoon dose of the motPosted by I had a couple of phone calls that woke me . Unfortunately , I was unable to get enough of a signal on the cell phone to hear any messages . When I got up , about 0930 , Vonnie was up and had started her day . I was done with breakfast but not dressed when Polly got here . We enjoyed our morning together , the three of us . After Vonnie showered and was ready , we went into Hale . The weather was so nice we had the top down . First stop , the Waste Transfer Station , then over to the Fish store . We spent at least an hour , if not more in there . I found a few items for myself , Polly found a nice dress with a jacket , and Vonnie wouldn 't even consider a hairy hair tie . We had a lot of fun there . Next we went over to Kathy Jane 's , a boutique . Completely different type of store , definitely a boutique . We spent a lot of time in there , too , looking at all the stuff . Vonnie found a summer lounger / beach dress type of garment that was way on sale . And a bag . We had been gone quite a while and needed to have a bite to eat . So we went to Kocher 's for the few grocery items we needed , and also found a nice spinach cheese pie at their deli . We got three pieces , a few napkins , and sat outdoors on a park bench outside the store and ate . We drove back to Long Lake , and the last place we had wanted to go to was not open . We decided , instead , to take a leisurely drive around the lake . We did , and it was very nice . We talked and laughed and enjoyed each other 's company . We dropped Polly off at the JC and headed home . Frank was out sailing when we got back . He did a good job , and I got a few pics . His friend and co - worker from Allskate , Travis , arrived . We decided to fix supper - - Frank did a good job on the grill - - and after dinner we went out on the boat . Vonnie stayed back and got a fire ready . Frank skied , then Travis attempted . He was up enough to say he was . It was a lot of fun , and he did a good job , too . We put the boat away . The fire was going nicely , thank you Vonnie , and Jim and Polly came to join Vonnie , Frank , Travis , and me . It was a perfect summerPosted by Another night of the typical interrupted sleep . I woke this morning , and since the bathroom was open , I showered . Vonnie had been up , Frank was awake , and the girls got up after I got out of the bathroom . Frank fixed breakfast again , and after the kitchen was cleaned up we went out on the speedboat . Frank waterskied the whole lake , having a pretty good wipe - out that looked like it hurt , but he said he was ok . He got back up and enjoyed the rest of the ride . Back at the dock he traded the skis for the Twister . Today we were able to get the toy functioning properly the first attempt . And I did good making the thing roll across the water . So good , that Frank said he got dizzy and " bailed out " . Woo Hoo ! ! He was smiling as he got in the boat for the ride in . We counted 18 revolutions , but the video will show it . It 's on Ashlee 's phone , and when it 's able to be downloaded , I 'll post a link to it . We got back in - - the girls didn 't ride today because they are leaving - - and they got ready to go . Hugs all around and they were on their way . We sure had fun . We had a quiet afternoon . I started food prep about 3 , and Vonnie and I enjoyed a wonderful greens salad with chicken , cranberries , and walnuts . Yum . Oh , and we had zucchini and summer squash steamed on the side . Vonnie and I went out for a walk down memory lane . It always amazes me when something is said or seen or heard and a deja vu moment happens . I am awed at the memories that are brought in . Thanks for sharing that with me , Vonnie . We ended up at the GC , where Jim and Polly 's car is . Hey , glad you 're back ! We visited a bit until their supper was ready , then we went on our way back to the JC . We enjoyed the evening on the deck , visiting with the neighbor , Marty . The light wind was slowing to a gentle breeze , making it a good night for a boat ride . I called J & P , inviting them out , and Vonnie and I went down to pick them up . ( Marty had passed , saying that he and his mother had a television date . ) We went out in the speed boat - - the pontoon doesn 't have running lights - - and enjoyPosted by This household didn 't stir much before 9 : 30 . It was kind of gloomy / overcast , but the weather forecast shows sun by 1 PM . Woo Hoo ! ! We breakfasted , cleaned the kitchen . Frank went out to inflate the Twister , a tow - able water toy that looks like a giant can lying on the water . He waterskied first , then the I pulled the girls Liz and Ashlee on tubes , then they went solo ( one tube ) , then Frank got the Twister . It took several starts / attempts , but we finally figured it out again , and Frank got a pretty good ride , getting about 5 rotations . Each of the girls tried , too , and Ashlee got the better ride of the two . Everybody is smiling and we all had a lot of fun . Unfortunately , though , we forgot to take a camera on the boat , so it didn 't really happen . Maybe tomorrow we 'll have opportunity for photos . Lunch / supper was next . Another feeding fest and clean up . Vonnie and I went outdoors , while the other 3 went into Hale for ice cream . We got a fire set and had a dickens of a time getting it lit . The paper I had put in it had absorbed so much humidity out of the air that it wouldn 't stay lit . And even though the wood was " dry " , it wouldn 't light , either . I 've built many a fire , and so has Vonnie , and this was the most reluctant fire ever . We finally got it , though , with another section of newspaper that we tore up and kept feeding it until something dried out enough to catch . And it ended up being a lovely fire . The three went inside after having s ' mores and watched a " scary movie " . I was happy that I couldn 't hear it at the fire . Vonnie and I had our head lights on ; we were looking at the rocks in front of the seawall . Yep , crayfish . Just a few that we could see , but they skitter pretty fast . We also saw a lot of smaller fish , then I spotted a big one out in the water . Vonnie and I watched it for many minutes until it finally decided it might be in danger and slowly swam over to our dock and we lost sight of it . I wonder if it 's the same one that Diane netted the other day . It sure looked like it could have been the same one . We Posted by Sloppy sleep . Woke up to an overcast sky , and then I heard it raining . Diane was up , but didn 't want to fish in the rain . We kind of putzed around , got her room cleaned for her to leave and Vonnie to move into . She ( Vonnie ) is expected to arrive about noon . And she did . We had a great afternoon laughing and talking . Frank and his friends / co - workers from Allskate , Liz and Ashley , also arrived about 4 : 30 . We all had a great time laughing and getting to know each other . Diane finished getting her things together and packing , and Frank helped her load the car . It had been raining pretty good , but had let up to a drizzle , and she got on her way by 7 PM . Frank and the girls fixed nacho fixin 's . It was pretty good . He cleaned the kitchen , too , and went into Hale to fill the gas cans for the speedboat tomorrow . The rain finally stopped about 9 . Temps have dropped from low 70 's to low 60 's . Looking at the weather map , no more rain is predicted , and temps are to be in the mid 70 's . My hands feel a little swollen even though I 've been drinking lots today . That wrist is pretty sore again tonight , too . I 'm looking forward to playing in the speedboat tomorrow . Thank you for reading . Hugs . I slept a little better last night , and this morning about 10 I didn 't hear anything when I woke . I got up to find that Diane was out on the lake , fishing . She did good , too - - kept about 15 panfish . Sunfish , bluegill . She amazes me . She was out there until almost noon . And while she was out , I harvested another couple of quarts of rhubarb . I chopped it all , and made a rhubarb cobbler . Diane wanted strawberries , also , and I made a smaller one with both . My left wrist hurt pretty good this morning , and it was a squishy kind of swollen . Motrin helped . When Diane came in , she had to clean her fish . When done , we went into Hale to find some floaty / inflatables for the lake . We looked in 4 different stores , and bought the last air matress available . We also got a couple of the smaller ones with the windows in them . We came back and Diane blew them up . And we got in the lake with our new floaties . It was nice , but it was pretty windy and with the boat traffic it wasn 't all that great . We got out and laid out on the pontoon , in the sun and a little out of the cooler wind . As it was after 5 , I came inside and showered . Polly and Jim came down with their supper fixin 's - - meat and potato salad and pasta - - and Diane fixed a lovely greens salad to go with pork she had brought . Baked sweet potato was yummy , too , and we ended the meal with fresh coffee and fresh rhubarb cobbler . The best part of the wonderful meal was sharing it with people I love . Thanks , Diane , Polly , and Jim . P & J left and we finished cleaning the kitchen , and Diane and I enjoyed the evening on the deck . Watched it get dark , as some say . I couldn 't stay out very long because those giant mosquitoes get me . I came in after a while and looked for the instructions online for the screen room that goes with our Sunsetter Awning . I did find the installation instructions for that screen room . Installation is not going to be a quick set up . First time will probably be several hours of intermittent joy and frustration , but not something I 'm going to do without the other homeownePosted by Although I didn 't sleep well during the night , I did in the morning , surprised that it was 10 o ' clock . I had heard Diane earlier , but the house was quiet now . She was probably out fishing . I had breakfast and was looking at the computer . There were a couple items that needed some attention which involved reading , and it took longer than I thought it might . Neighbor Bob knocked on my door - - it was 11 : 45 and I needed to shower . He said he had talked to the guy about coming out to look at the shed for a bid for a tear - off , re - shingle , and dispose , and add two vents . Oh , thanks , I said . And , Bob said , he 'll be here in about a half hour . Great . I told Bob that if he saw the guy , he could go out and talk to him until I 'm out of the shower . Well , I was in the shower when I thought I heard someone knocking on the door . Then I heard Diane 's voice , as she had come in off of the lake . Yup , the guy was here . I asked Diane to tell the guy it would be a few minutes . . . I hurried and dressed , then went out to see the guy . Nice guy , Travis , I think . He gave me a number that I thought was not favorable . I took his phone number and told him I would have to talk with my husband and get back to him . We went out front and watched the lake for a while , seeing that Jim was out on the sailboat . Since I knew that he would probably sail near the dock , I asked her if she might want to go out for a ride . Knowing that we are here now , she said yes , and I found a life jacket for her . We got it adjusted , and just after getting back down on the dock , here comes Jim . He slides up to the dock and she gets on , then off they go . They were out quite a while . I got myself ready to go to West Branch to pick up the car . Since I couldn 't see them in our area of the lake , I wondered if Polly was watching for them . I called her . We visited as we watched for them . Polly could see them from her vantage point , but it was maybe 20 minutes before I could see them . As they came up the lake , then into the dock at the JC , I went down on the dock to help land . Diane was wePosted by After not much sleep I got up , trying to get ready for the pontoon to arrive , about noon . It 's rainy , though , gray , no wind . Drippy rain . Maybe it will let up or pass over and be done . Diane called to say she was on the road . Woo Hoo ! ! ETA approximately 1 pm . I told here we might be doing something with the pontoon when she got here , but to come on in . . . Shelly called to convey that Steve was on the way with the pontoon . Woo Hoo ! ! I called over to the GC to see if Polly and Jim wanted to come down and help . They had already gotten their things together and were just on their way over . Steve came , with two other guys in his truck , and just as slick , they backed it down the road and slipped it into the water . There was a guy on the boat who started the motor and drove it over to the dock , which was right around the point . It had been raining , but slowed to a drizzle while I was shown how to start it and operate it and such . Jim was kind enough to get in the lake and screw the anchors / tie outs into the bottom of the lake . We were just finishing securing the pontoon when the sky was rumbling and started lightening . Jim got out of the water . Diane had arrived when we were securing the boat . Jim and Polly left to go into town ; it is sure good to see Diane . She really needs this break . She has a lot of personal stressors right now . The thunderstorm came in and was quite intense , with rain so heavy you couldn 't see the lake , just solid gray , with some wind . We were settling in , getting a snack and beverage for us , when Polly came in and dropped off a couple more carabiner clips for our tie out stakes . It wasn 't too much longer when Diane went in for a nap . She ended up sleeping for 2 hours . I used that time to go out and sweep the deck of the pontoon , since the storm had passed and the carpet was soaked . That turned out to be more of a job than I had anticipated . Since it had been sitting a couple of years there were lots of areas on the carpet that cleaned up with a light scrub , and the railing needed swept / scrubbed both insidePosted by I can hardly believe it 's halfway through July , halfway through my vacation . So far , though , it 's been good , both July and my vacation . Though I still have interrupted sleep , I do get up late morning feeling mostly rested . This morning the chipmunk was chirping a constant chirp for two hours straight . It was sitting on the neighbor 's flowerbox , in the sun , just outside my window . Kind of cute , but kind of annoying . When I got up and looked , it continued to sit there and chirp . Hm . Although it didn 't leave when I looked at it , it wasn 't much longer and it was gone . Great . After a while I heard it chirping again , and I quietly went outside . There it was , on the neighbor 's porch , laying flat out on it 's belly , like it was hurt or something . It looked at me , kept chirping . I talked to it , but it didn 't move until I clapped my hands . Then it jumped up and moved a little on the porch . Not much longer I heard it again , and again went out to look . Uh huh , there were 2 of them this time , running around . Cute , but not a good thing by the foundations of our homes . I 'm thinking these critters are going to have to be relocated somehow . . . I had breakfast , and in between watching the chipmunks , got ready to go to Hale to the Senior Center . Evelyn and Bob had come over last night and invited me to go , as they were going to participate in a " program " . Oh . I got there , filled out the form ( I 'm underage * giggle * ) , put my lunch money in the box ( * giggle again ) and sit where Bob directs me . Across from Anne , which was good . At the birthday / anniversary table . Hm . We had lunch - - through a cafeteria - like line with a tray and people plopping food on it . After eating , one of the people announced the birthday people and handed them the microphone . I was second . I told who I am , and that I married Daniel , who is Germaine 's son . It was interesting to hear the murmur in the room . After a bit , a woman named Margie came up to me , saying she had been a good friend of Germaine 's , and was glad that I had come . That was nice . They served ice cream and cakePosted by I didn 't sleep much last night , it seemed . I got up about 9 , wandered around looking at the lake and such . So beautiful . I breakfasted and showered . The warm water feels good on my sore wrist . I was sitting on the front deck cutting my nails when I heard someone around back . It was Tom . KS was at her parents ' ; he had walked down from there . We visited a bit ; he adjusted the closet doors again , and turned a light switch over so it flipped up for " on " instead of down for " on " . Little things , but it 's nice to have them fine - tuned . Thanks , Tom . We went over to West Branch , to the dealership , but we stopped first at Mr . G 's Pizzaria . Yuummmyyyy ! ! ! Wonderful food and reasonable prices . I will definitely eat there again . At the dealership , Chad showed us what was going on with the car . He replaced the cable that had broken and a mechanism he said was bent , but one of the " flipper " things is still floppy . He went on to show us how it is in the way when the top is operated , both opening and closing . Neither operation can be done without visualizing the process , stopping it at a critical point , and manually moving the flipper so it doesn 't catch again . Hm . Not good . Chad feels that the whole thing can be properly repaired with a new set of flippers and a rear deck panel . The estimate for that is approximately $ 500 . 00 . I asked lots of questions , and as Tom is very much about properly operating mechanical things , he and Chad had a conversation while Lori and I talked business . The parts are available , and there is time for this project on Friday . So , I left the car there . KS was at the JC when we got back . She looked really good . We had a nice visit , and after a bit , Tom went out to the car and brought in a package . For me ? ? They had taken the little bathing suit of mine that Elaine had kept all these years and put it into a shadowbox , surrounded by sand dollars they had gotten in Florida . How Cool ! ! ! Thank you , Kathy and Tom . Smiles and Hugs , they went on their way . I went into Hale for a few groceries . It 's been mostly sunny today anPosted by I was surprised that it was raining when I woke at 0900 . All of the other times I was awake / up it was quiet and dry . It rained pretty good , and let up maybe around 11 . And as the sky cleared and sun came through it got considerably warmer . After breakfast and general housekeeping , I drove down to the GC to see them before they went home , and also to pick up the skis and tube that had been left down there . They had finished lunch and were cleaning up , getting ready to leave . I visited just briefly and went on back to the JC . I putzed around in the garage , and by now it was getting pretty warm out . I changed into cooler clothes and went out on the paddleboat , and ended up being out there for about an hour . It 's really beautiful on the water . I was getting hungry and fixed supper . I had a few phone calls this afternoon , one of them being Lori from the dealership saying the car was done . Woo Hoo ! Now , if I could just find a ride over to West Branch . . . I told her that it might be until Thursday before I could pick it up , which was ok with her . The rest of the evening I painted a couple more walls , this time in the middle bedroom . Bit by bit , I 'll get it done . My brother Tom called ; he and KS are coming up for a day trip tomorrow . She is going to visit her parents while Tom takes me over to get my car . Aren 't they the greatest ? ? I 'm looking forward to seeing them . Thank you for reading . Hugs . After my usual night of interrupted sleep , I got up just before 9 . Looked like a good day - - clear , quiet . I had breakfast , and shortly after 10 I went out to uncover the boat , the " signal " that we 're ready to play . I wasn 't able to get a signal on my phone ( it 's quite persnickety here ) so I couldn 't call down to the GC . I did see people in the lake down there swimming . I thought they were going to come down here to play , but then I looked out and saw that the sailboat was out . Hm . I decided to take the speedboat down there . They were playing in the water and ready to waterski . Jim the Younger went first , getting right up , getting wet a couple more times , then had a good ride . Jacob was next , a first time skier . Uncle Jim was in the water with him , and Jacob had many excellent efforts . Grandma Polly got several photos of Jake ; some of them he 's really out of the water and over the skis , so technically he got " up " . He didn 't ski for any distance , though . Next was the tubers . Jacob and Kris went on two tubes . They had a good ride - - the lake was bumpy from the other boats that were out , so they got bounced around some . But smiling anyway . Ariana asked to tube , so Daddy Jim and she were on the tube like they did last year . And Jake rode the other tube . We didn 't go much faster than a slow troll . Then Ariana asked could she go faster . Hm . I was concerned about going fast , as were Grandma Polly and Momma Kris , but there were no other boats around , and the water was quiet , and we were just about back at the dock . So I got them planed out and rode them a short way to the dock . Ariana grinned . Time for a break . We had been out for almost 3 hours . I went back to the JC - - hot , sweaty , hungry , with a little headache I think might have been from the sun . I turned on a fan and cooled off , fixed a bit of lunch and ate , and I was feeling better . I read a little then showered . That felt really good . I walked down to the GC where Jim was fixing dinner . I visited until dinner was ready then went home . When they were done , Jim , Polly , and JacPosted by Kind of a quiet day . Slept intermittently , as usual , and got up about 9 : 30 . After breakfast I wandered around outdoors . Beautiful . Sunny , a good breeze , mid 70 's that got up to 80 today . I cleaned the birdbath and put it out . Swept the walks and the decks . Bob backed down my driveway - - come see what I 've got . . . The local nursery / garden shop is going out of business , and he got a whole back of his blazer full of plants . " Pick which ones you want , " he says . Evelyn was grinning . Such beautiful plants , it 's really sad that the business is failing . ( I wanted to buy my plants local . Wal Mart in West Branch is not local enough . . . . I feel bad ) While I was getting the bird bath out I came across some 14 " planters . I went and got one and chose 4 plants to put in it . 2 begonias , a gerbera daisy , and a double bloom impatients . Now I need dirt . We unloaded his truck and they went on their way . An hour or so later , they 're back - - with another truck full . This time , they got 2 birdbaths , an electric fountain , and several decorative bird feeders , along with 2 bags of dirt . ( The bird baths and fountain and feeders were for her son ) I gave them $ 5 for my plants and dirt , and they gave me a 4 disc cd set of showtunes as a bonus . I got my plants potted and took the remaining half bag of dirt back to them . By now it was getting hot outside . The lake was busy with the boat action , and the wind and waves had caused my speedboat to pull against the tie - out stakes and move them enough so that the boat had started bumping against the dock . Hm . I guess I 'll have to get in the water and reset those . I did . As I was doing the second of the three , the clouds were gathering dark and the thunder was starting . I had finished the second stake and put the cover back on the boat and it started raining . It rained pretty good for maybe an hour . Not much wind , just rain with occasional thunder . I had a bite to eat , read a while , and closed my eyes for a while , too . I went down to the GC , as there was to be a fire tonight . Jim , Kris , and Ariana had come up for Posted by I didn 't rest as well as I would have liked , but I got up about 8 : 30 and started the day . Washed up , breakfast , dressed . I had to go to Rose City to the car dealership to see about repairing whatever it was that broke on the car . It 's a beautiful day , sunny with high fluffy clouds . The guy at the GM dealership says they don 't work on Pontiacs . Huh ? Isn 't Pontiac a GM car ? He refers me to Hart Automotive in West Branch . Ugh . Ok , thanks . I really don 't want to go to West Branch , but the GPS says it 's only 20 minutes away . Ok , here I go . I get there , and I wait . I 'm third in line . And , as with car issues , each issue is different . When I finally had my turn , the girl , Diane , was very nice , saying that they had a G6 with a broken top just recently . She got the guy Chad , who worked on that one , to come look at mine . But he was busy with other jobs . Could I wait a half hour or 45 minutes or so ? Ugh , again . I had heard that there was a Wal - Mart in West Branch . She told me where it was and the best way to get there . I thanked her and got going . I was interested in the flowers and plants they have for sale . I walked around , found a clearance area . These don 't look so bad , and the price is right , 50 % off . After seeing what was there , I went back . Just in time . I drove right in , and Diane took the car and drove it into the service bay area , while I went into the customer lounge , just a little tacky , but better than sitting out in the hot sun . Maybe 15 minutes later , I see Chad , the guy that was going to look at my car , come in the counter and get on the computer . Another 15 or 20 minutes later he 's done , and Lori came in to get me with the estimate . Only $ 349 and some change . Ha . Of course , it 's out of warranty . And if it were covered by insurance , we have a $ 500 deductible . The good news is that the part is available , and the work can be done Monday . I signed the estimate and made the appointment . I 'll figure out the logistics of getting the car and me back and forth . I went back to Wal Mart to select and purchase some plants , then wPosted by It was a good day today . Started out that I slept pretty good , and woke this morning feeling much better than I did yesterday . Praise the Lord for that . I don 't like feeling punky . And though the wrist is still sore , it didn 't hurt so much that I couldn 't move it . I got up shortly after 10 . Just as I had gotten dressed I heard voices - - Polly , Jim , Aaron , and Jacob . They came down to see if I needed help with the speedboat to get it in the water . Well , it hadn 't been waxed or cleaned yet . . . They went on to get bait and to check out the revisions / upgrades at the public boat launch . When they came back , we all went out to the garage and got started on the boat . What a great crew ! With everyone taking turns with the wax on / wax off process , nobody was really overworked . Aaron and Jacob did a great job and worked hard . We did have a fan on in the garage to move the 80 degree humid air around . When that job was done they left , and we were going to meet at the Bear 's Den for supper . I was happy to be able to put the top down on the car , ( a 2007 Pontiac G6 hard top convertible ) but in the process , the dashboard ding dinged and I heard a snap - crack from the back . Uh oh . I stopped the lid and looked . Everything looked ok in there , but I pushed the button to put the top back up . Fortunately , it went into place and latched and everything . So I popped the release for the trunk . When I opened it , it sounded like a piece of plastic rattled and fell . It took me a minute to find it , but it looks like a cable snapped , and the housing or tube that it was in is what fell off . The end of the cable is frayed , and it looks like it 's frayed also further up the cable . Fortunately there is a GM dealer in Rose City , about 12 miles away . That trip is first on my list tomorrow . So we have a good supper at the Bear 's Den , pizzas for them ( Polly , Jim , Aaron , Jacob , and neighbor Anne ) and a sandwich for me . Yummy stuff . We decided to launch the boat after dinner . I get the van out of the garage and it has 2 low tires . With the compressor , and minor comPosted by I made it . I 'm at the lake . On vacation . Ahhh . I was disappointed that I didn 't sleep very well last night . Even this morning , I only dozed a little after Dan had gotten up to go golfing . I got up . Hot , tired , ache - y . I decided I wasn 't going to hurry to get on the road . I walked back and forth through the house , collecting the items I wanted , repacking the suitcase , going through the dresser drawers and the closet . I paid a couple bills online , had breakfast , watered plants , showered . That felt good . Dan said he might be home around noon . It was now 1 : 30 - - I began carrying things downstairs and loading the car . He came in shortly after . We visited a bit and he carried the last couple items down for me . I was on the road a little after 3 . I wondered what Diane was doing this afternoon - - I called and left a message . She called back saying Please come by ! ! She was having a rotten day and was very stressed . I went into the Nimkee Fitness Center and into her office . She certainly was frazzled . I got her house key and went there to wait the half hour or so . I ended up taking a half hour nap on her couch ; I was just waking when she came in . We had a good visit , I think . She was so wound up - - but after talking a while she settled down some . I 'm glad I stopped . She fed me , too , some of the best tuna / macaroni salad . Thanks , Diane , I enjoyed our visit . On the road again , I had an uneventful rest of the drive . I got to the JC 8 : 45 - ish . It 's still hot and humid . 80 degrees with 90 % humidity . I 'm glad we had an air conditioner . I first opened the house , then closed the back half after I had unloaded , and turned on the ac . That 's really nice . I had a bite to eat , then wrote here . I 'm pretty tired ; I hope to sleep tonight . My wrist has been sore when the motrin / tyenol wear off . Darn it , I want it to get better , Thank you for reading . Hugs . Vacation has officially started ! I slept as usual , interrupted . The good thing was that neither Dan nor I had to get up this morning . I listened to the radio for a bit this morning before getting up about 8 : 30 . Dan was still sleeping . I got the laundry together and started the first load , and was fixing my breakfast when Dan got up . With the laundry changed over to the second load , I went in and showered . About 11 : 00 I called the hospital to see if I had to work . Yup . Ok . I decided to mix up a batch of brownies to take in . I got myself ready to go , and after the brownies were done and almost cool enough to handle the pan , I went down to Jackson , stopping at the credit union before going to the hospital . We had a good afternoon , and they enjoyed the fresh treat . We were a steady pace , on the medium side of busy , with the potential to blow up . And it was going to for the night shift , by what was in labor and delivery . ' Cuz you know what they deliver , we get . And at 7 pm , I clocked out . Officially on vacation . Woo Hoo ! ! ! I changed clothes because I wanted to do a few errands while I was in Jackson . I drove through a car wash and got a layer of bugs off , filled the gas tank , and shopped at Wal Mart . After I had gotten back in the car to come home , I realized my bladder was full ; McDonalds was just across the street . I went there and took care of business , and on the way out , I remembered my friend Miss B lived right around there . Although I had never been there , I drove down the street where I thought the house was , and I found it . She has a unique decorating style ; I recognized some of the items she had in the yard , and saw her car . When she saw it was me who had knocked on her door , she was pleasantly surprised . We visited for a half hour or so , and it was really good to see her . I 'm glad I stopped . So now I 'm going home in the dark . I haven 't done that in a while . And I went through another bug hatch - - the windshield looks like it was sprayed with rice sized droplets . Great . Dan was home , happy that a friend had given him a Posted by Whew , it was hard to get up this morning . For Dan , too . But we did , and went to our respective J . O . B . s . It had cooled off to a whopping 76 degrees this morning . And to think , just 6 months ago , we were in a frozen environment . Amazing , Lord , how this is . A safe drive down , thank You , with two sentinel deer poised as though they were guarding the side of the road , heads up and ears perked . Each was standing frozen , like they were posing . Beautiful animals . We had a good day at work . The other person in my job role was absent today , so it was just me and a my RNs , all of whom did a phenomenal job today . I got quite busy , it seemed , just after noon , and was very happy to see our dear Sarah had come in to help me out . Whew again . We split the assignment , she took off , and I was able to have lunch about 1 : 30 . ( that 's a long time from 0515 ) Ahh , the worklife of a nurse . I got really fatigued later in the afternoon , and wondered if Sarah would be willing to come in for me in the morning . That would make the third morning of getting up at 0430 for me , which is not so good for me . She checked out her childcare situation and agreed to come in . YESSS ! I don 't have to get up in the morning ! We finished out the shift . A safe drive home , thank you God . Dan was home when I got home . We had a snack and chatted a bit , and Dan is off tomorrow , too . Of course , he 's gone to bed . I 'm writing here , and had to take another motrin for that pesky wrist / thumb thing . Thank you for reading . Hugs . A short night , which led into a short day . ( eight hours for us , instead of the 12 1 / 2 hour shift , and at time and a half ! ) We had a good day , but busy . It 's so hot here - - mid 90 's - - the pregnant ones are hot and dehydrated , coming in to labor and delivery for IV fluids . Some of them are really in labor , and we had at least 3 babies today , and a couple more to deliver after we left . One of our former co - workers came in to visit with her daughter , son - in - law , and granddaughter who was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia . Emma is 4 months old now , and doing well . Her story of her first 4 months is at Keeping Up With Emma , at http : / / keepingupwithemmasidney . blogspot . com / . Now that she 's finally home , she 's merged into a family blog , A House With Two Girls , at http : / / 4mazingos . blogspot . com / . Kim , the grandma , was still working with us while I was going through treatment , was a great support person for me , and is still a " reader " . Thanks , Kim , it was nice to hug you today . When I left the hospital at 3 : 30 - ish , it was so hot that I got nauseated from the heat just walking over to my car . Ugh . I don 't do well when it 's that hot . The car cooled off , though , and the house is mostly cool . I was pretty tired this afternoon ; after Dan got home , he went into shower , and I napped on the couch . When I woke about 45 minutes later , the house was quiet . He was sleeping on the bed . I was hungry , and knew he needed to eat , too , so I put something together . When it was ready , I was going to wake him , but he was sleeping pretty good so I didn 't . He finally woke about 7 : 30 and was happy there was something for him to eat . We 've watched the fireworks on television of the New York City / Hudson River . Beats sweating and slapping mosquitoes . My wrist has been sore again today , and I 've had a third dose of the motrin . It does takes some of the swelling / inflammation away , but it 's still pretty sore . Dan and I both work tomorrow . Thank you for reading . Hugs . How lovely - - I got to sleep in this morning . I finally got out of bed sometime after 9 : 30 . Breakfast , lolled around . Shower . I went to the pharmacy to pick up the rest of the prescription that was a partial fill , then started the potato salad . It turned out pretty good . I got my stuff together and went over to daughter Kim and Bob 's in Springport for a birthday party for 3 year old great grandchild Skyler . We had a nice late afternoon , though with all the children there it 's quite busy ( hectic ) . Dan came over after he was done golfing , and after we helped clean up , we left . I wrote here , Dan has showered and gone to bed , and I 'm on my way . I 've taken the motrin / tylenol twice today , which is helping the swelling in my wrist , and takes the pain away until I move or use my hand / wrist . Hope it gets better soon . Tomorrow is a workday for both of us . Happy Freedom Day - - Thanks to all who have served , past and present , to keep us that way . And thank you for reading . Hugs . I slept for what seemed like forever , which was only an hour and a half , all the way to midnight . The remaining four and a half hours was typical interrupted sleep . It was finally time to get up for work when I was dozing again . A safe drive down , thank you God . We had a good day , with a great group of co - workers . A few smaller challenges / complications to work on throughout the day kept us outside of " routine " . I was glad to see the night shift show up . I was still answering call lights and giving medicine until time to clock out and leave . I was happy to do so . A safe drive home , thanks again , and Dan and I had a quiet evening . He has to work tomorrow ; I don 't . Thank you for reading . Hugs . I didn 't sleep much , and before long it was time to get up . I got ready and left for work . A safe drive down , thank you God . When I got there , the night staff looked at me . " Uh oh . Sorry . Didn 't know you didn 't know that you didn 't need to come in this morning . " Hm . The day staff were getting their assignments and getting report started . They said they would be ok without me . Oh . Ok . I went next door , to the overflow unit . They were done with report . I asked if they were ok , if they needed me . Nope . Sorry you came in . Hm . We have a policy that if you come to work and you 're not needed , you can stay 4 hours and get paid . Or if you 've clocked in , you can clock out and get paid just for that time . I don 't have to stay and get 4 hours of pay . I waited until the day shift was done with their report before I clocked out , which was about 0715 . I had business I needed to do during business hours while in Jackson , and I dawdled before leaving the building , which didn 't do any good , because the credit union didn 't open until 9 , and there wasn 't anyone at the oil change place at 8 : 05 . So much for that . I went home . Dan was still sleeping at 0900 , though he had been awake and had turned on the radio . I put things away , and with the little bit of noise , he woke . I explained what had happened as I laid on the bed , too . He ended up remembering that he needed to get a fasting lab draw done and went over to that office . I dozed off for a while . When I woke , he still wasn 't home . Or so I thought . He was down in the garage taking care of his golf stuff from his trip . By this time , it was 11 or so . Since he hadn 't eaten , and my breakfast was at 0515 , we decided to go out for brunch . We ended up at the Flap Jack Shack , he had breakfast and I had lunch . From there we went next door to Lowe 's and bought a mixed planter of flowers for the balcony . Back at home we took care of some housekeeping stuff . Dan ended up laying down again . I had a meeting in Jackson at 4 : 30 , but still needed to do the banking and other errands , so I left about 3 . First Posted by |
June 6 will make 6 years since my brother killed his wife . I am posting this in hopes that some woman will see herself here and do something before it is too late . Feel free to repost this on your own blogs . Lisa was my sister - in - law . I say " was " because my brother murdered her . What is really sad is that even though he beat her for years he didn 't intend to kill her and he will only serve a 5 to 8 years sentence for it . As my niece said , " he finally hit her too hard one time . " I have a severely dysfunctional family . The only reason that I was even speaking to my brother was because I wanted a relationship with my niece and nephew . Lisa was aware of this . Lisa and I were typical sisters - in - law . We got along fine most of the time but we also had arguments like sisters do . Yet even when we argued we both knew we could count on each other if something happened and we proved that to each other time and time again . At the time of her death we were arguing . When I say arguing I mean not speaking . Even though we weren 't speaking there were several times when we stepped up to help each other in that period . Over the years my brother abused Lisa both physically and verbally . The first instance that I knew of happening was while she was pregnant with my niece . They had been married less than 9 months . I went to her when I was told about it and let her know that I would help her in any way that I could if she decided to leave my brother . I was not about to let my future niece or nephew suffer because of my brother 's actions . His violent nature was well documented in my family as well as his propensity to cause trouble by manipulation . When I went to Lisa at that time I think it established the basis for our relationship . Lisa , of course , refused to leave Billy . Five years later along came my nephew . I never heard of any more problems with them until about 15 months later . Lisa called me crying . I was living in Florida and she was living in West Virginia . ( Our family is from WV ) She told me that she had left my brother . She told me that he had beaten her badly and that it had been going on all along but she did not want me to know because she knew that I would encourage her to leave him and she loved him . She also told me that he had raped her . She was living in a separate house and he broke in and forced her to have sex while threatening my niece and nephew who were asleep in the next room . She said that he rammed his entire fist into her mouth to keep her quiet even though she was afraid to make any noise because she didn 't want to wake the children and scare them . Keep in mind that my brother is 6ft . 2in . tall and weighed about 250lbs . Lisa was about 5ft . 2in . tall and the most she ever weighed was about 130lbs . usually she weighed about 110lbs . Again I assured her that I would help her and the children in any way that I could including financially . A few weeks later the entire family showed up on my doorstep . I was quite surprised because I had spoken with Lisa several times in that period and she had not mentioned a reconciliation . I looked at her and she signaled for me not to mention anything . So I didn 't . Later she told me that she had reconciled because of the kids . A few years later I came back to WV when my own marriage broke up . Billy and Lisa were very helpful to me . I asked Lisa several time if there were any problems and she always told me no . Things seemed to be fine except for the normal arguments that every couple has except I would go to their house and there would be fist sized holes in the wall and once my nieces ' door was ripped off the hinges . If I asked them what happened I wouldn 't get an answer . Everyone would just look away and then change the subject . I did go in one day when it was obvious that he had just finished beating her . She looked like a ragdoll . She was completely enraged saying that she would get even with him . But once again she did not leave him . She told me that she didn 't want to end up like I had after the break - up of my marriage . ( i . e . broke and trying to start over ) She , most of all , did not want her dad to tell her " I told you so " . She did start a countdown of when she was going to leave my brother though . " D " day was my nephews ' 18th . birthday . Billy and Lisa then got into some legal trouble over the business . Unfortunately he convinced her that the best way to beat the charges was to stick together no matter what . Because Lisa would not testify against her husband in court , she was sent to prison for about a year . I tried to talk her into testifying against him but she was convinced that this was the best way to handle the situation . I had been listening to her do her " D " day countdown for about 2 years and I reminded her of this , telling her that sending him to prison was the best way to leave him . She would also be able to stay with her children that way . The bottom line was that she loved my brother . At 5 : 30 am one morning while I was at work , my mom called me . I knew it was bad as soon as I heard her voice . I was working my midnight job and there was no one there to relieve me . I made her tell me what was wrong . She said " Lisa 's dead " . I asked what happened . She told me they found her in a trunk . I asked what kind of trunk ( picturing a piece of luggage ) . She told me the trunk of a car . I knew immediately what happened . My mom told me that my brother had disappeared with my nephew and she wanted to know if I knew where he might have gone so that she could tell the police . I couldn 't think of anything . My mom had told me that she was sending the police to a friend 's house that she thought that Billy may have gone to . I knew that was wrong because Billy and Mike had not really spoken in years but Mitzi ( his wife ) and I were good friends . So I called them , Of course Billy was not there and they couldn 't understand why my mom would send the police to their home . I explained to them that in a lot of ways my mom lived in the past and refused to believe that they weren 't good friends with my brother any more . Then I called my uncle . ( My brother had gone there to hide from the police once after he had beaten me ) My uncle said that the police had been there and searched the house but would not tell him why . I told my uncle why and of course he was in complete shock about the situation . I finally got to leave work about 6 : 30 that morning . I had to go home and care for my animals because I knew I was going to be gone from home for a few days . I tried unsuccessfully to reach my nieces ' boyfriend . I did not want to tell her what happened because she was due to have her first child any day . At 10 : 30 that morning I spoke with my mom and she said that the police had found my brother at my grandma 's house . She didn 't know where my nephew was though . I went to my grandma 's house and asked her where Arny was . She told me that the police had come and taken him away at about 6am . She had to tell me 3 times because I thought she was talking about my brother - not my nephew . I couln 't figure out what the police wanted with my nephew . He had always been a mama 's boy . I left intending to call the police to find out my nephew 's whereabouts . The State Police Barracks office was just a couple of miles away so I went there . I went in and identified myself and told them that I didn 't want to know anything about the murder , all I wanted to know is where my nephew was . The woman told me to wait . A few minutes later they led me to a room and there was Arny . I was so relieved to see that he was OK . The police had been questioning Arny even though he was a minor . They asked me to be present for further questioning . I asked Arny if he felt up to questioning and told him that if he felt he needed a lawyer that he should wait . Arny told the police that he had nothing to hide . I will never tell anyone what was said in that interview for legal reasons . I will say that everything my nephew told them was entirely believable . There were a few points that I felt the police could have gotten more information but they were following an entirely irrelevant line of questioning trying to pin the murder on Arny instead of my brother . ( my nephew was in school at the time of the murder ) I wanted to tell them where to elaborate their questions but it quickly became obvious that they did not want to listen to anything I had to say . Finally at 1 : 30pm . I put a stop to the questions because my nephew had been up all night . His mother was dead . His dad was in jail . He had nothing to eat since the night before . It was obvious that he needed rest before the police forced him to say something stupid because he so desperately needed some rest . A few minutes later his grandpa showed up . ( Lisa 's dad ) The first thing he did was ask me what I thought happened . I told him we both knew what had happened and discussing it in front of Arny at that time was not the proper thing to do . He said he would take Arny to get something to eat and take him home . Once I knew that Arny would be OK , so I took off to Florida to be with my pregnant niece . this was Wednesday Afternoon . Becca had a beautiful Baby girl on Sunday Night . Kendall Marie Descalzi ( Marie was Lisa 's middle name and also the paternal grandmothers ' name is Maria . So it is the perfect name . ) It is now six years later and my family is still torn apart by Lisa 's murder . My brother maintains his innocence and several member of the family believe him . I have a couple of aunts who maintain that even if my brother is guilty it is not his fault because of his abused childhood . Hogwash ! Even though I had documented his abuse in this blog , he still made a concious decision as an adult to beat his wife . I spoke to him several times over our lives about breaking the cycle of abuse . He would always tell me , " I 'm working on it . " As the daughter of Lisa , I thought I 'd let everyone know that I do not appreciate that she stayed with my father just to be able to give me material things . I 'm far more damaged now than I ever would have been had she just left him and I grew up in a broken home . Maybe I wouldn 't have understood and maybe I would have been upset by not having everything I wanted , but I 'd rather have that than a dead mother . I am angry at her and I rarely feel sad . It would have been another thing if she would have left and he would have hunted her down . Anyway , I don 't appreciate what she did for me . It obviously was not a favor . Everyone needs to realize that their kids are better off in a trailer park with a single parent than having no parents at all and having to deal with their family 's name in the headlines and never being able to tell the truth about what your parents do without having people think they are totally pathetic . I promise , if you get murdered by your spouse , your kids will be very mad at you . Harsh , but honest . Maybe I 'm angry , but I think I 've earned that right . Posted by I have tried to recreate my Ouija board experience from my childhood several times with no success . The closest I ever came was I was with my 2 stepdaughters when we were doing the Ouija board . I started to ask for proof of the spirit 's existence and the board said that it would give us a sign in 10 minutes . My stepdaughters and I sat there for 10 minutes wondering what would happen . Exactly when the second hand of the clock passed the 10 minute mark we heard a key in the door . This , of course , scared us silly . The front door opened and in walked their dad . He was home one hour early from work ! None of us had any idea that he was coming home early . He wanted to suprise us . WELL HE SURE DID ! My beautiful nephew Arny was born in 1990 . I was in the process of moving to Florida at the time . I put off my move 2 or 3 days so that I could be there when he was brought home for the first time . His mom and dad brought him home and I was there with other family members to see my new nephew and wish my family well . Around 10 years later my brother was showing family movies . He put the tape in of Arny 's first trip home from the hospital . I had been cut out of it completely . Everyone else who was there was on it . Not me . It was one of the most hurtful things my brother ever did to me . I couldn 't say anything to him about it because I didn 't want to raise a stink in front of my niece and nephew . I left . When I was a kid I had a kitten named Willie Akers . Willie Akers was our local championship basketball coach . I didn 't have poor Willie for a week when my mom picked me up from school one day . I should have known something was wrong because she NEVER picked us up and she didn 't pick up my brother and sister , just me . She tearfully started to apologize to me and proceeded to tell me that she had accidentally run over poor Willie in the driveway . She didn 't even know what she hit when she hit him . She just saw him dead in the driveway after she backed up to the road and stopped to checked traffic . An accident . She took me home and showed me where she had buried him next to the wall where the big forsythia bush was . She had found some vines with big purple flowers and draped them over the wall and poor Willie 's resting place . It was really quite pretty . I 'm sure I probably had another cat within a week or so but I don 't remember that part . Once I had left home my mom and dad got 2 pure white , persian kittens . They were ethereal in their delicate beauty . One day my 6 foot brother walked in and sat on the couch to visit everybody . He sat on a comforter on the couch . He was devastated to find when he got up that he had squashed and smothered both kittens . Unfortunately we were a cruel family and even though we were sorry that the kittens died we couldn 't help but joke about how my brother killed the cats ! What asses we were ! Of course , his ass is what murdered them to begin with ! I couldnt resist that one . Another time I looked out my window one day to see my cat laying in the grass . I knew she was dead immediately because of the position she was in but also because one of her legs was laying a few feet away from her . I watched a a pit bull dragging a chain left the yard . I reported the dog to animal control but all they did was take it in and as soon as the owners posted bond they gave it back to them . My heartbreak didn 't matter to them at all . Later that day I went to the animal shelter to get a cat . I got a cat thadamnpamn It 's a hard situation . There is a deer , here , in downtown Charleston , WV . It is in the vacant lot across the street that the drunks frequent on a perpetual basis on their many walks to Rite Aid to buy beer . She will panic - she already has once when a trash truck came by . She will end up being hit by a car . I 've tried to call DNR ( hopefully for a tranquilizer ) , then animal control , then the police , then 2 news stations . It 's Saturday . No one cares . Can 't have something to handle on a weekend afterall . No one is interested in helping her . That is until she panics and gets hit by a car and causes a couple thousand in vehicle damage - never mind the damage to her . If I had the capacity to help her I would . I don 't . Time to wash my hands of it but I worry . . . . watch them when they catch a snapping turtle when they are fishing . Eddie and I went fishing yesterday . Actually he fished and I went and waded in the creek again . When I went back to the pond he and another man were fishing . Neither had caught anything . I hadn 't been there 10 minutes when the other man caught a snapping turtle . I had been watching 2 of them and he caught the big one . I reeled it in with a whole lot of effort . Then he was dumb enough to think he was actually going to get his hook back ! The turtle thought differently and it won the battle ! I tried to warn the man but , of course , he didn 't listen . A snapping turtle can extend it 's neck about a foot from the shell . It has no problem reaching around the back of it 's portable house and snapping one of your fingers right off your hand . It was fun to watch the idiot reach down and jump back as the turtle tried to dismember him ! All for a 10 cent fishing hook . When the man would jump back the turtle would make a dash ( yes , they can dash when they are upset ) for the bank . The man would pull back on the line and the turtle would leverage it 's feet against the side of the embankment much like a 3 year old child grabs onto the door frame when it 's being hauled to take a dreaded bath ! Finally he wised up and cut the line . The poor turtle has to live with a hook now but at least it 's alive and the man has all his digits . Then a few minutes later Eddie caught the little turtle . Much the same battle ensued except I tried to get him to let me put it in the back of the truck . I was going to let it walk around back there until we got home and then I was going to kill it and eat it . Eddie would have no part of it . He was too scared . He just cut his line and let it go ! It gives me a new respect for my ex . I was married to Daniel Boone . He would catch bigger turtles than the ones we caught yesterday and I can guarantee you that even though he would show them a healthy respect for their ability to chomp , he didn 't hesitate to kill it . I ate turtle many times when wePosted by http : / / www . realage . com / raap / realage - test According to realage . com I 'm getting younger . I took their test a couple of months after I was first diagnosed with heart failure 5 years ago . I was 73 years old ! ( I was really 44 ) I took the test this morning I was 59 years old ! Yeah , I know it 's still too old for me but I have improved by 14 years ! I 'm doin ' a happy dance ! Pretty much everybody has heard of the Hatfield and McCoy feud . The leader of the Hatfield clan was Devil Anse Hatfield . The Hatfield family cemetery was about 1 / 2 a mile around the mountain from my Granny Brennan 's house . Sometimes we would sneak around the mountain ( we weren 't allowed that far from the house ) to play in the cemetery . We thought it was haunted . Devil Anse ' grave had a life size statue of him which was imported from Italy at the head of his grave . It was weather beaten and overgrown with vines . A ring of faded white - washed stones surrounded his sunken - in grave . The whole cemetery was overgrown with weeds and vines and the tombstones looked better than any that you can find in a horror movie . We never stayed long because the joke was to play hide and seek and everybody would leave you behind and not look for you . All of a sudden you would find yourself alone in a haunted cemetery ! There used to be a sign marking the entrance to the cemetery it said " Devil Anse Hatfield is buried here . He was the leader of his clan in the bitter family feud with the McCoys . A life - sized statue modeled from photographs and imported from Italy marks his grave . " Now the cemetery has been refurbished . This was done to help atract tourists to Logan , W . V . and it does . I think it was better when we were kids though . I have video touring the cemetery as it is today in the video section of my blog . Pam rolled over to look into the cold , dead eyes of her husband . She jumped out of bed squealing . How can he be dead ? Mary went into Rick 's room , apparently he wasn 't going to respond to the alarm clock - again ! The kid was going to be the death of her ! He was dead . " 911 , what 's your emergency ? " The emergency center was being flooded with calls . Men were dead everywhere . There was no way to respond to all the calls . All over the valley men weren 't waking up . What the hell is going on ? The first report on the morning news went as follows : All over the country reports of men dying in their sleep are pouring in . The CDC has already begun an investigation into the phenomenon . There is one common thread in all the reports . Once the men go to sleep they just don 't wake up again . Currently an advisory is being issued that ALL MEN SHOULD STAY AWAKE AS LONG AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE AND SLEEP ONLY UNDER SUPERVISION ( although the supervision doesn 't seem to help ) In a related story , we are sad to report the demise of our morning anchorman Chris Wells . His wife found him dead this morning . Police are investigating . 24 hours into the current emergency situation businesses and services are shutting down all over the country . All the handymen and maintenance workers are dying like flies . The women have little to no training to take over the routine operations of most heavy equipment . The world can 't run with no one to keep it running . What men that are left are doing their level best to stay awake . Apparently to sleep is a death sentence . The CDC is investigating but have not managed to learn anything in the first day of research . There is a definite timeline here . In 2 or three more days there will be no men because it just isn 't humanly possible for them to stay awake . Pregnant women giving birth to boys have their dreams turn to nightmares as each boy born is stillborn . Once they give birth , the boys cannot survive on their own and they just die . The little girls are fine . Steps are being taken to secure the nation 's sperm bandamnpamn I don 't understand why they won 't legalize 4 wheelers for the highway . It would save gas and some of the newest cars on the road aren 't any bigger . They would just have to regulate them like they do motorcycles . Other than an image problem ( i . e . the redneck hillbilly ) I can see no other reason not to legalize them . An awful lot of people around here already have them - once you get out of Charleston anyway . It 's silly . Today I sat in the land of serial killers and nature lovers . No sane person should deliberately go where every scary movie they 've ever seen tells them not to . But I can relax in the forest like no where else . The beauty of the springtime foliage is unbelievable . I have paid good money to vacation in places that aren 't nearly as beautiful . I can camp there for $ 25 a night . Just me and the red ranger and my oxygen machine . what else does a girl need ? I used to make fun of people who had electricity when camping - kind of defeats the purpose . Now I can just hook up my machine and sleep in the great outdoors again . Even with my broken ( possibly ) toe , I have done more today than I 've done in a long while . Stopping the 2 heart meds is working . I can feel a strength and restlessness that hasn 't been there in years . Please let me keep getting stronger . I had to drive through 3 streams that were in a hollow I 've been wanting to check out for awhile . I had to wait until we had a dry spell so I could be sure my truck wouldn 't get stuck in the creek bed . That would be a real kick in the head . I waded in a creek today . I saw a couple of crawdads and some minnows . I dangled my feet in the water that was cold enough to qualify for the icepack that is SUPPOSED to be on my foot . I couldn 't resist the urge to dunk myself in the creek . It only took 2 steps to remind me about my broken toe . I contented myself with dowsing my shirt in the cold water . It was refreshing . Beside me was a bridge , I kid you not , where I watched 2 birds swoop and hover over the bridge before flying underneath . It looked like a scene from a Disney movie complete with birds chirping in the background . I knew there would be a nest so I peeked under the bridge and , sure enough , there was a nest ! I didn 't disturb anything so the mother could return to her eggs . When we were kids that poor nest wouldn 't have stood a chance . We would have carried it home with some big story about how it was abandoned . We had every intention of helping the little eggs hatch but damnpamn When I was growing up there was nothing scarier than Barnabus Collins . Barnabus Collins was the vampire on Dark Shadows . I wasn 't allowed to watch Dark Shadows because I had nightmares . My mom watched it every day . I learned I could sneak behind her recliner and watch most of it with no worries about getting caught ! One day there was a scene where someone was calling , " Angelique ! Angelique ! " It was supremely scary and ended with one of the scariest looking , dead , hair blowing witches that I have ever seen in my life to this day . I didn 't sneak and watch Dark Shadows anymore . When I was in the 3rd . grade I was kept having a dream that Barnabus Collins was in the dining room next to my bedroom . He was pacing back and forth at my doorway and he was going to get me . My mom had to consol me many times over this dream and she would counsel me that it was my dream . All I had to do was take control and I could get rid of that mean , old Barnabus ! One night as Barnabus came particularly close , I became so scared that I got mad ! I turned around and looked him in the eye and told him , " this is MY dream . You don 't scare me ! " I promptly proceeded to spit tobacco in his eye ! I never had the Barnabus dream again . That was my first lucid dream . One time my husband was gone playing poker and I decided to go to bed for the night . At some point I started to have a nightmare . I was dreaming that a man was tromping through the trailer in heavy , hiking boots . I was terrified that he would find me in the bedroom ! I got out of bed and got the gun ! When Bobby came into the bedroom I was in tears . I was ready to shoot him . He said he had to calm me to get me to give him the gun . He really thought I was going to shoot him . I don 't remember anything about it . After that I NEVER knew where the guns were ever again . Smart move on his part I would say . I have . I have also driven in my sleep . It was frightening to wake up about 5 miles from my house on a very curvy stretch of road . I suspect that I was having trouble negotiation those curves which is what probably woke me up to begin with . Anyway , back to the sleepwalking and being aware of it while you do it but still not being able to stop . 1 . I woke up in the car . It was raining outside . I looked around to get my bearings and decided to go back into the house . Once outside of the car , in the rain , I decided that before I went back inside the house I had to go around back and get the 18 St . Bernard puppies and get them out of the rain . ( remember I 'm dreaming ) I walked around the house to the patio . I bent over and scooped up all the puppies . I carried them back around the house to the garage . I can remember walking with my arms extended fulling in front of me cradling those nonexistant St . Bernard Puppies . I don 't remember going back into the house . The next day my mom asked me why I was outside in the rain and covered with grass when I came back into the house . She said that when she asked me what I was doing the night before , I told her I was putting up the puppies and went on to bed . 2 . I woke up one night and I had to go to the bathroom . When I was walking down the hallway past the top of the stairs , I had to step carefully . I was on a sinking ship in a stormy sea . I could see the foam of the ocean swirling around the broken boards as I carefully navigated my way across the ship . Even though I could see I was in the hallway , I could clearly see the foamy waves and I knew if I missed a step I would be hurled into the dark , murky , depths of the sea . ( i . e . down the stairs ! ) Posted by I had this nightmare over and over when I was a kid . It was how I learned to lucid dream . ( I didn 't know there was a word for it then ) It always started out in my Pepaw Brennan 's house . In the dream my whole family would be leaving from visiting my grandparents house . We were in a car backing down the mountain when we reached a fork in the road . My dad would decide to turn around by backing into a garage in the fork of the road . Once he backed in a concrete door would slam down and trap us in the garage . It was pitch black . We would trapped there until my whole family starved to death . Usually around this point I would wake up . If I stayed asleep I would find a door in the back corner of the garage but I couldn 't get it to open . This was another point that would wake me up . If I did manage to open the door , I would start to go down some creepy , concrete , cobwebby stairs that were barely lit . The stairs were steep and there would be another door at the bottom . I would wake up at that door too . Finally I got the nerve to open that door and there was a room full of vampires and witches and mummys and werewolves and all the other scary creatures of my childhood . I woke up at this point for years . When I gathered the courage to race through that throng of screaming , grabbing monsters I finally made it to the front door and ran out of our green house . There , sitting by the road was a police car with it 's lights flashing . I was safe . I never had the dream again . My parents spent many sleepless nights because I would sleepwalk . One night my dad caught me when I raced out of the house right before I ran into the road ! I have often wondered if that is the dream that I was having when that happened . I don 't remember because I was sleepwalking , they have told me about it many times though . Posted by My grandparents owned a myna bird . The myna bird could talk . It could also wolf whistle . One day when my pepaw was working in the yard next to the porch , one of the neighbor lady 's walked past . The bird decided it would be a good time to wolf whistle . Of course the neighbor lady thought that my pepaw whistled at her . He didn 't bother to deny it . He knew it was a waste of time . He and Granny laughed about it many times over the years . This was where my mom got her great love of birds . Across the land I heard such a cry Abba Goochie Goo ! Walking through the woods Land Sakes Alive ! Abba Goochie Goo ! Whirling through the trees Got me on my knees Abba Goochie goo ! Never saw such a force Raining down on me Abba Goochie goo ! Limb by limb Ripped apart was me Abba goochie goo ! I posted the following " mom blogs " a few years ago to honor my mom . I posted one everyday between mother 's day and her birthday . I took her copies to read . She seemed pleased . A month later when she saw me she was furious about the way I had portrayed her . I didn 't understand it then and after rereading them 3 years later I really don 't understand it now . My memories are my memories . One thing people always think is unusual about my family is that we never defend each other . In normal families when one does wrong the family circles the wagons but that doesn 't happen in mine . If something is wrong , even though we love each other in our own hard way , we don 't defend the other 's actions . right or wrong - that 's how it is . she changed several thousand diapers for you she cooked several thousand meals for you she held your hair back while you were puking in her floor and put cold wash cloths on your neck for you - all the while telling you that it was OK - and then she cleaned it up to boot ! she took you to school , doctor , ball games , piano lessons , bowling leagues , shopping . . . she made your favorite dinner for your birthday or sometimes just because she built your character - thank her for that one no matter how hard it is ! she did all that stuff that makes a house run - you know the stuff that you thought a magic genie did she bailed you out of trouble ( even when you were in the wrong ) and let you know HOW distasteful the situation was to her she showed up at my door one day out of the blue and told me , " I 'm here to buy a month of your life . " Then she wrote a check for 1 month 's bills because she knew you were too sick to go to work . Sometimes she seems to be trying to make amends for the hard way she did things . It would be stupid of me to drop my guard though . Experience is a great teacher . My mom loves cakes from our local bakery . One year , I don 't remember if it was mother 's day or her birthday ( her birthday is June 4th . ) we got her a cake . We knew that she would sneak and taste it so WE WARNED HER not to eat it until it was time . SHE DID NOT LISTEN . We walked in and caught her red - handed ( or icing fingered if you will ) in the cake . So my brother walked over and picked up the cake and planted it firmly IN HER FACE ! The whole time the cake was imbedded in her face she was chomping it as fast as she could . It was one of the greatest presents that she ever received she said . " A WHOLE CAKE JUST FOR ME ! " Obviously we couldn 't eat any after it was buried all over her face . ( It was much too mangled after that ) We even have pictures of the cake in her face . ( at least we did until the house burned down ) Fun Stuff ! My mom adores diamonds . I can safely say that there is nothing that she covets more on earth than those clear , sparkly stones . She has more than she can ever wear including one that is 3 1 / 2 carats and another that is 3 3 / 4 carats . She used to wear diamonds on every finger ( including those " two " rocks ) as well as whatever bracelets or necklaces or earrings that she chose to wear as well . Now she had arthritis and doesn 't wear too much jewelry anymore . One time she was getting ready for work and she looked down to find that one of the " rocks " had fallen from it 's setting . In a panic she searched the house and was considering calling the plumber when she sat down on the bed to cry . SOMETHING POKED HER IN THE BUTT ! She stood up and looked at the bed and nothing was there and she searched all around and under the bed thinking that maybe the stone had fallen off when she stood up . Finally she sat down again and something poked her in her tail again . ( those are her words , my mom would NEVER say " butt " ) She thought a minute and she reached down inside her pantyhose and THERE WAS HER BELOVED DIAMOND ! Apparently when she was getting dressed the diamond had come out inside her pantyhose when she was putting them on ! When my mom got her first diamond I was at piano practice . She was in shock over her ring and forgot to come pick me up . She told me that it was natural for a woman to forget what she was supposed to be doing in that kind of situation . Posted by |
Leave a reply Time , the constant traveler , walks with the Moon and rides with the Sun . Days and nights crumble and blow away . Months slide slowly by . It has been almost two years since that fateful night when Dan first told us he was leaving and Max and I first faced that he was done with us . It has been over a year since the day the dreadful divorce went down . And , it has been a full year and a half since the last time I saw Dan . That was on a night just before he flew to Australia to join the woman he had met online , the woman he was leaving us for . I had not expected to see him . I knew that Max had spent the day helping him move his things from his apartment into a storage container in his parents ' backyard . But Max had gone on to see friends . I was alone when Dan messaged that he was bringing by a shelf unit that he wanted me to have . A few minutes later , he was at the door . I was shaky and nervous as I fumbled to turn the lock . We said " Hello . " Dan looked tired from all the moving he had done that day . We stepped off the porch and over to his rental truck . Together we moved the shelf cabinet into the house . It was replacing an older , rickety shelf which he carried out to the garage for me . Once his shelf was in place , and I had thanked him for it , Dan said , " Well , I guess this is goodbye . " I asked , " How long will you be gone ? " He said that he did not know , maybe a year . I shook my head and said , " It 's very strange . " He said , " Yes , I never expected anything like this . " He reached to hug me . His manner , maybe because he was tired , lacked the happy - go - lucky style that he had shown in so many of our encounters since the Crack - up . We hugged , and when we pulled apart , I reached down and held his hand for a moment . He looked at me , more directly than he had in months , maybe years , and said , " Forgive me . " That caught at my heart . I began to cry . " Oh , I do forgive you , " I said . " It 's just that I am so sad . " He nodded as if he understood , then he turned , and I watched him walk out the front door and out of my life . A long and lonely hour followed . I was listening to music in the den when I heard Max 's car pull in . He sat on the couch and talked of his day helping his dad move . He said Dan tried to talk to him about the Stages of Grief . Max said , " I told him I reached ' Acceptance ' the first week . I see there is nothing I can do about the situation , so I accept it . It does not mean that I like it or think it 's a good thing , especially for the family , but I accept it . " Max told me about the container that Dan had bought and placed in his parents ' back yard to store all his possessions . He said that Papa , Dan 's eighty - year - old dad , was out there helping them that day . Max could see the strain and grief on Papa . He later talked to Dan about it , but he was oblivious . Max said once again how selfish he thinks Dan is . He said that day Dan was going on and on about how bad it is for him that he could not sublet his apartment . Max said his dad has no idea of how more than bad everything has been for us . He only thinks of himself . He later said he doesn 't think Dan cares about us at all . He 's going to spend $ 5 , 000 on dual citizenship and more on a lawyer . Max said , " The $ 100 I got for helping him move today is probably the last money I 'll ever see from him . " Forgiveness came easy for me that night when Dan asked for it . I forgave him for what he had done to me . I bore him no anger or ill will , only a great sadness as I told him at the time . Max , too , on his last day with his dad , was able to speak of acceptance , which is his version of forgiveness . I am a spiritual , loving person ; I understand the importance of forgiveness . To live well we must be free of anger and negative thinking . But though I forgave Dan for his betrayal of me , I found I could not live in peace with his treatment of Max . It did not seem right or fair . I felt passionate about it . I felt unforgiving . The night Dan announced the Crack - up , he walked out without leaving so much as a twenty dollar bill for Max . In the year and a half since Dan left us , college tuition for Max has come due six times . He has gone to the dentist and the doctor . The car he drives back and forth to school has needed gas , tires , service , and insurance . His health insurance sends bills regularly . Max has worked some part - time jobs and has usually been able to pay for gas and car expenses and his own spending money . But the rest I paid . Once he left us , Dan paid nothing to help Max with expenses as he completes college . Two months after Dan left for Australia , Christmas came . He sent Max nothing . The next Christmas , again nothing . Birthday , also , nothing . No gifts . No contributions to help Max with school . Dan sent email greetings , but nothing else . It was as if Dan had turned his back on Max and disowned him . This was what held back my complete forgiveness . I felt that for Dan to cease altogether in providing for Max as a father was unforgiveable . When I began this final chapter , I entitled it " Unforgiveable . " My heart was still breaking over the fact that Max does not have a father in any real sense of the word . But over the course of writing and struggling to get at the truth of how I feel today , of how I want to feel today , I find I have come to a new place . As I was writing about that day a year and a half ago , the last time we saw Dan , it began to seem like a long , long time ago . Dan has drifted into the distance now . Max and I have gone on with our lives . Though we haven 't had Dan 's help , we have made progress with our goals . Max 's self - esteem was greatly damaged by what his father did , but he accepted it , and when I see him now , see how well he is doing , see his smile , I know that he is on his way . He is intelligent , hardworking , dependable , funny , loving , and loyal . He will make a success of his life . As for me , I have been finding my own way , as well . I live now completely alone . Max took a job and moved into the city . It is strange and very quiet here sometimes . The nights are long and lonely . But I soldier on . I think of other women who have been in my position for a time in their lives , my mother , my Aunt Rene , even me in my younger years . I am a hard worker , just as they were , and that helps . I work two part - time jobs and always have a renovation project going on here at my home . I love to garden and commune with nature . Inspiration flows into my writing and creative sewing and painting projects . And my friends are many and such fun and interesting people . My life has not turned out as I would have liked . I wish Dan had loved me . I wish we could have spent this time of our lives helping Max find his place in the world and laughing , playing , and doing good work with all our friends and family . But , as Max was so quick to see , Dan did what he did . It is done . It is over . Our only choice is to accept it . And as I close this Crack - up story , I am guided by my better angel to take the final step . This chapter began with " Unforgiveable , " but it will end very differently . The writing has cleared my mind . I am still sad and sorry for what Max and I had to suffer , and yet I feel at peace with what remains behind and what he and I can build anew . I breathe in a sweetness , a strength , a purpose , and a sense of being fully alive . 3 Replies Through the twisted danger of memory fades a day from long , long ago . It was a lovely day , sunny , with only a slight chill in the air , unusual for February in New York City . Dan and I rode with four friends on the Avenue B bus downtown to the municipal building where a grey haired judge with kind eyes asked some questions and said some words . I wore a purple velvet suit that I had sewn myself and carried a few lavender roses . Dan looked dashing in a black vintage suit . After the ceremony , we walked with our friends across a park to the old City Hall where Lincoln had lain in state in the sad spring of 1865 . One of our friends took a photograph of Dan and me in our wedding attire that day . We were standing in one of the grand rooms under an ancient oil painting ; we were looking out at an uncertain future . Hope , history , loss , beauty , betrayal , and terrible mistakes turn the tides of memory and all that was or never was is gone forever . Some memories , though , are seared into the flesh and may never take their leave . Such was the moment that night at the Dylan concert when I noticed that Dan was not wearing his wedding ring . I did not speak . I only reached out and touched the bare skin of his finger . All he said to me was " I don 't want to be married . " So soon ! So coldly soon . Dan had told me nothing of his feelings until two days prior , but now , already now , so soon after his first announcement at the dinner table , here was the realization as to where all this must inevitably lead . I managed to ask , " But we 'd have to get divorced ? " A dizzy swirl of fear fell on me as I looked to him for confirmation but hoped for denial . Divorce . The word ran through my veins , through my nerves . Divorce . I had always had a horror of divorce . It was one of the reasons I waited so late in my life to marry . Divorces were so dreadful . When I was very young , my first job was working at a bank in downtown Memphis . I worked with thirty or forty other women . We took breaks together , and over the course of the three years I was there , I heard enough divorce sagas to put the fear of marriage into anyone : he cheated on me , he stole my kids from the babysitter and went off to Arkansas with them , he put his hands on somebody at his job and he 's in jail now . So many horror stories ! I came to view marriage as a high - risk experiment with the odds heavily in favor of disaster to be followed by the doom of divorce and the deadly warfare that seemed to rage all around it . During the back and forth emails when we were working with the settlement papers , Dan had said he wanted to be present at our court date , but when the dread day did arrive , he said he would be working . A girlfriend said she would go with me because she remembered her own divorce and how it had helped her to have a friend waiting when she walked out of the court room . But when the date arrived , she said she couldn 't go because she had to babysit her grandchild . I considered asking Max to go with me , but quickly put that aside . A child does not attend the divorce of his parents . The Dreadful was scheduled for a day in early October , a month that is usually gloriously warm and beautiful in the South . It was the best month of the season that had been my father 's favorite and mine . He used to say he loved the fall of the year because the weather was mild with very little wind unlike spring when , though the weather is nice , it is often windy . Now my favorite month of the year would be forever tainted . And , strangely , this October , coming as it did during the season of the Crack - up , did not follow the usual autumn weather pattern . The whole week and especially the day of The Dreadful were grey and rainy and dark . There was a hopeless bitter wind blowing and the sun was gone forever . The time I had been given was 9 AM . I had worried that I might oversleep because I was taking several prescriptions at the time , but I did not sleep at all , so waking up was not a problem . Driving was . Driving with a blur before my eyes , my chest compressing my heart that was breaking , and beating , and breaking like a lost cause . I was so alone walking the sidewalk , the cold stone that led the lonely to the columns and the walls and halls of the county court house . I had no idea what to do . Courtroom B , I think I had been told . I went in , hesitated , and then sat to the side in the back on a very cold bench . Nervously , I wondered , where is the lawyer ? Does she find me , or am I supposed to find her ? Up front the judge was questioning a man and then granting him a divorce . Next there was a woman . She had two friends with her . Finally , my lawyer came and spoke to me . A few minutes later , I was the one standing up front being questioned by the judge and being granted a divorce . It was not until I was downstairs in the clerk 's office that I broke down . The room went dark ; I gripped the counter to keep from falling . My lawyer tried to comfort me , but I just wanted her to hurry up the filing process so I could go , so I could get out on that lonesome road and run and keep on running . Finally , it was over and I was home . I felt so destroyed , so driven down to nothing that the only thing to do was go to bed . When I woke up , I remembered that Maria and Mark and several other close friends had planned a little dinner for me at a restaurant in Decatur . I began to get ready . The rain and dreary weather continued making for a dark afternoon . Max came home from school and stepped back into my bedroom to check on me . I turned when he walked in ; I was still weak and weepy . He looked at me without talking for a minute , and then said , " How are you ? " I said , " I 'm sad , so sad , but I 'm going to be OK . " He reached out his arms , so very kind , I walked toward him , and we embraced . It was then that I noticed my son is now grown so tall that he can put his chin on the top of my head when we hug . I told him that I loved him . He said , " I love you , Mom . I 'm sorry this had to happen to you . " It was very sweet of Max , very generous , and very brave , because , of course , the loss , the sudden loss of love and of our old life had happened to him , too . The dinner out on the rainy night with friends was darkly , somberly pleasant . Everyone wore their sweetest smile , their deepest hope that I would last through my sorrow . It was reassuring . It did help to spend the evening with people I had known and loved for so long . Although the lonesome road lay up ahead and was not to be avoided , although I was sinking lower as the unfamiliar aloneness of divorce crept nearer and nearer all around me , at least for this first post - Dreadful night , I would raise a glass to dear friends , and I would blink so no one could see the tears . 4 Replies Dan always had a lot of possessions . Even in his early Beat Pad days , he had tons of records , wooden crates stacked with decades of Life Magazines , huge speakers and lots of stereo sound equipment , band equipment and instruments , oil paintings , clothes a plenty , furniture , appliances , etc . When we moved to New York , we hauled it all up six flights of stairs to our sublet on Avenue B in the Lower East Side , . Once we returned to Georgia and owned a three bedroom home with closets , an attic , a garage , a utility room , and a basement , Dan would accumulate even more . He worked in construction and came across things all the time that were cool or had some value or purpose , and he would drag them home . If something broke , it did not have to fear the trash heap . It would end up in our basement , saved to be repaired even though Dan had never in his life spent a Saturday repairing anything . His connection with music and former bands brought in more items to store such as towers , wooden risers , carpet , drape , recording equipment , most of it obsolete . Everyone has stuff , right ? But gradually , over the twenty years we lived in our house , Dan 's accumulating reached critical mass . Seriously . He even wanted to store equipment towers and unwanted tables in Max 's room . Why Max 's room in a home with a garage and a utility room ? Because everywhere else was too stuffed with stuff ! Was he hoarding out of unhappiness ? I know he was unhappy with his limited success in music . During our last years together , he no longer had his own band . He played in a cover band ; he liked it and his band mates , but it was not a vibrant creative outlet for him . As for his personal life , his life with Max and me , was he really all that unhappy ? His mother has told me that she does not think he was . I don 't think he was either . I remember , for example , after a particularly good meal that I had cooked , and as we had sat there with Max talking , he said , " I love my family ! " And he looked around at me and Max and meant it . He would tell me of guys at work who were married to women they described as " psycho bitches from hell " and tell me how glad he was I was not like that . Once he had reached an understanding with her and she had agreed to fly to America to visit him , he needed a place for her to visit , he needed his own apartment . Fate smiled on him ; he immediately found an affordable efficiency in an in town neighborhood . All very nice for love nest purposes , but note , I said efficiency . Dan the pack rat could not pack much into an efficiency . And sure enough on Crack - up night when he told Max and me that he was leaving and in minutes was out the door for the last time , he took very little . In the weeks prior to that night , he had secretly supplied his new apartment from our basement with camping pots and pans and household things left over from a yard sale . And , of course , he had culled through his closet and dresser drawers for the summer clothing he wanted and taken a few toilet articles . But much , much was left . His announcement to me and Max that he was leaving came on a Thursday . Two days later was the Dylan concert that we strangely attended together , and the next day was Sunday when he had arranged to borrow a pick - up truck and his best friend Mark had agreed to come over and help him move . They took Dan 's L - shaped computer desk which was large , a chest of drawers and bed frame from the basement , and , and … . I don 't know what they took because I was in the middle bedroom , my studio , as I called it , sitting in a chair suffering and waiting for it to be over . When it was finally over and Dan and Mark had driven away in the truck , I slowly emerged reclaiming the interior space of my home , and saw that in the middle of the living room floor there was a pile of Dan 's things . Not enough room in the truck ? These things did not fit ? I circled them . Stared at them . Dan 's things had such a presence for me . Now there was a pile of them in our living room the other end of which was our dining room where I ate most of my meals . How would I ever be able to stand this ? Gradually , I began to add to the pile that he had left in the middle of the living room . If something of his was out and caught my eye and I thought he might want it , I added it to pile in the living room . From the kitchen , I added dishes that he had used more than me , like the Boonton Melmac serving dish that he used for corn chips with his cheese dip . Our cupboards were full ; I added to his pile cans of beans and rice packets that he liked . I don 't remember all that I added or why I added certain things to the pile . If ever I was demented , it was in those days . On day five after Crack - up announcement night , Dan finally got around to telling his parents . He called me saying he would stop by here after he saw them . I dreaded it . He had begun to act so strange and cold toward me . Once he arrived , we sat at the fateful dining room table and discussed some of the business of breaking up our marriage . He told me that his parents had been wonderful and very understanding . To be honest , that surprised me . They had always seemed to be people who valued the family above all else and what 's more to be people who knew right from wrong and tried to live accordingly . To think that they were OK with what he was doing was one more disappointment and blow to bear . They had always been kind to me . I loved them . But , of course , Dan was their son . They would side with him . I realized that here was one more Crack - up cost for me . I would lose my place with Dan 's family , a place I had held and enjoyed for thirty years . But still there were so many of his personal things left here in this house , surrounding me , over my head in the attic , under my feet in the basement , on his dresser , and in his closet in my bedroom . He even had stuff stuffed under the bed , the very bed I slept in every night . I talked to a few other teachers at work , my friends , my confidants . Of these , the ones who had been though a Crack - up were quick with what to do with stuff left by a " no good two - timer . " They said , with great emphasis , " I 'd tell him , ' Yo stuff is on the street . If you want it , you better get over here right quick and get it ' fore someone else does ! ' " Somehow , I just never was able to take that sound advice . But I did begin some symbolic shifting of Dan 's things , moving them , if not off the property , at least farther and farther away from my own most personal space . These shifts often occurred in the middle of a particularly sleep - spared night . One night , trying to see through the crystal blur of tears , I cleared all the many dusty things from the top of his dresser and put them into his dresser drawers . A few nights later , I took those same dusty possessions and the socks , underwear , t - shirts from the drawers , all his second - tier clothing that had not made the first cut and been taken with him when he left , and bagged and boxed it all , beginning a new pile in the living room . This time not in the middle of the floor , more over to the side where his desk stood . On another noxious night while lying in the bed , I became acutely aware of all that was underneath it . I got up and began to pull his things from under our bed . So much of it was pure junk . There was even a bag of what could only be described as trash : unopened junk mail , used tissues , old bank statements . Creepy ! Who puts a bag of trash under the bed like that ? I knew what had happened . On a day when Dan needed to clean off the top of his desk , rather than go through and deal with things properly , he had stuffed them in a bag and then stuffed the bag under our bed . Voila ! Clean desk ! But under our bed - trash , actual garbage . Strange . Sick strange . One day when I knew he was coming by to take me to the cable and gas companies to switch service into my name , I bagged all his dirty laundry from the hall closet , and his vitamins , cold remedies , shampoo , mouthwash , and whatever else from the bathroom . This was all by the front door , and he took it at the end of the visit along with some things from the pile in the living room . But still there was so much , so much . For one thing , there were all his clothes , a huge closet full , and the foyer closet was full as well . One night , I laid a sheet down along the wall in the living room where his computer had been and made trip after trip with his clothes in my arms . When I had removed everything of his from both closets , the pile along in the living room wall reached waist high and was ten to twelve feet in length . I covered the pile with a white sheet . It had a funereal appearance , like a draped coffin . The dining room table where Max and I ate was on the other end of this room . Soon I could no longer cope with this coffin of Dan 's clothes , and I transferred the pile to a side wall of the garage . I failed to cover the pile , and the next day when I pulled into the garage after work , right at eye level on the top of the pile was a dark green print shirt that I remembered him wearing the previous Thanksgiving . That shirt tore my heart . I burst into tears and went in search of a sheet to cover the pile . I could not look at Dan 's clothes . They made me so sad . Gradually , night by sleepless night , I transferred as much of his stuff as I could first to the living room , then from there to the garage or basement . There were still some items of furniture in the house that were his and I knew he wanted , there were hundreds of record albums , books , video tapes . The bedroom and the bathroom were cleared of his things , but the garage and the basement were now more packed than ever , and there was still the attic and the utility room . I was constantly surrounded by so many reminders that could bring tears like the Thanksgiving shirt had done . There was so much presence , and weight , and volume to so much stuff . It was hard to breath in the midst of it all . How could I ever begin to feel free of him , to begin to sever my life from his , as I would have to do , if I was completely surrounded by his possessions ? And it wasn 't just the suffocation problem . There was the realization that if he was leaving this stuff here for weeks and months after the Crack - up , it must not mean that much to him . He had cherry picked around the house for the things he most wanted and needed . Those cherished items had gone with him to the apartment that he was prepping for the arrival of the Instagirl . What he had left was the unwanted , the , in a sense , disposable trash . Since Max and I had been left , we were in that category , too . But wanted or not , I needed his stuff to be gone . He was gone . His possessions needed to go . In August he messaged that he wanted to come by to leave me a check for his half of the divorce lawyer fee and to pick up a few things . It troubled me just to hear from him , but to get a check and to be rid of some of his things were incentives to agree . I was at work . The plan was for Max to let him in . Here 's what happened . Max was in his room on his computer about an hour after the time when Dan was supposed to arrive . He said he looked up and was startled to see his dad suddenly standing in the room right beside him ! He said to Dan , " Didn 't you want to ring the doorbell to let me know you were here ? " What dreams did he mean ? Soon after the Crack - up , I had begun to have these dreams where I would be in the kitchen and hear someone come in the door . At first I would be very afraid , but I would look up and see that it was Dan . I would feel a sense of relief . But then , I would look at him , and he would look at me with the Eyes of a Stranger ! A chill , a killing chill would run right though me , and I would try to wake myself from the dream to escape the horror . Dan did not leave a check , of course , He later offered an excuse that blamed Max . He said he forgot to leave the check because Max was giving him the evil eye . What he wanted was our camping equipment from the basement . He had been telling us and his family that he was going on a solo camping trip on the Appalachian Trail . Although by this time , we all knew of the Instagirl , he was still denying her existence , thus his emphasis on a solo camping trip . Max let Dan into the basement to get our camping equipment , but instead of taking one of the small tents , Dan took our large family trip . Maybe Max was watching to see if he would do it . Max told me that what he said was " So this is what you are going to commit the adultery in ! " Dan 's response was to disconnect which is what he would do whenever anyone confronted him . He just did not answer . Talking to him was like talking to a misfiring robot in those days . He did take the family - sized tent and the rest of our camping equipment . Once again he went away with just the few things that would serve him in his affair with the Instagirl . I reached a point of actually begging him to come get his things . I said , " You know you have to get this stuff eventually , why not rent a storage unit , get a couple of friends , and in a day or two you could have it all moved . " I did this one fateful day in front of Max and Dan 's father . I did it with tears , begging , pleading , saying , " This is breaking me down . I cannot stand to have this stuff here Any Longer ! Please ! ! ! " But Nothing I could say cut ice . By that time the Instagirl was in the country . He was not going to give me even a minute 's time or a half - thought of consideration . I could drown in a sea of his castoff , unwanted piles and piles of stuff , and he just really did not care . He made that perfectly clear . He made it perfectly clear to me and since Max was there , he made it eternally clear to Max , too . Our interests , our life and death struggle , a small relief that could have meant the world to us , meant nothing , nothing at all to him . I was crazy enough to beg him to come get them , to help lighten my load , to free me from the detritus that was drowning me . He turned a deaf ear to all my requests , all my suffering . He , who had been my friend , my lover , my husband for thirty years turned and looked at me , and for a minute I may have felt relief . " He may not love me now , but he used to love me . Surely , he will help me . He will free me from being suffocated by his things , by all this that I cannot , cannot bear . He will finally move out and take his things away , he will have pity on me , and then Max and I can breathe and begin to build our new lives . " |
I still can 't believe how fast my 9 months of pregnancy went . Those of you who know me , know how badly I wanted to be a mum . Chad and I had been trying off and on for the past 7 years . It was really frustrating at times , trying to figure out why I could not get pregnant when all of my other friends were able to without any difficulties . I had countless tests , blood work , saw several doctors and tried fertility drugs but still nothing was working . Even the doctors were confused as my body was doing everything it was supposed to . There were many times throughout the 7 years where I kept thinking to myself , " Maybe I 'm not meant to be a mum ? " I would often ask myself , " what other plans did god have for me ? " I had been around so many babies throughout my life . When I was 5 years old I held my nephew Jarvist when he was just a few hours old . I instantly loved looking after him and helping him with what I could at that age . When I was 9 years old I started babysitting him and then as soon as I was 13 I started babysitting all of the kids around the neighborhood after obtaining my babysitting certificate and first aid . I absolutely loved it . I looked after babies and children of all ages . Even though I was being paid , it was a lot of fun and sometimes challenging . So when it came time for me to think of having a family , I just couldn 't understand why it was so difficult for me . Even though I was happy to have friends and family being able to get pregnant , I often felt jealous and upset . I would put a smile on my face while at the event , but as soon as I got home I would feel sad that it wasn 't my baby shower . Over the years as I got older , I was starting to panic because I wanted to be a young mum so that I could still keep up with my own child when he / she was a toddler since I knew how much energy it takes to keep up . While we were going through the tests and fertility treatments , this was a great opportunity for Chad and I to get to know each other as a married couple , travel , and enjoy each other 's company . I also reuI remember telling my brother how many times I wanted to be a mum , and he often said that I would be a great mum and a natural . We always talked about life , our dreams and what we wanted to do . Sadly , on August 30 , 2013 my youngest brother Justin was taken away from us and then not even two weeks later my sister Krisandra was taken away from us on Sept 12 , 2013 . Both of my siblings knew that I wanted to be a mum and have a baby , I didn 't care if I would have a boy or a girl . I just wanted to have a baby of my own to love , protect and support . I had been going through so much over the last month , trying to come to terms as to why my siblings were taken away at such a young age . It wasn 't fair to anyone in the family or to their friends . I couldn 't eat , I wasn 't sleeping , I was losing weight , I was sad all the time and sometimes angry . It was a lot to take in . I had missed my cycle , which was not unusal for me as my menstraul cycles were always messed up especially when I was stressed out . In October , I had restless legs which I had never had before , lots of headaches , and always tired and hungry . I remember Chad googling all the time trying to figure out why I was experiencing this as it was totally random and nothing I had ever been through before . He kept saying that I must be pregnant because some of the symptoms I had were very similiar to pregnancy . I brushed him off saying that it wasn 't possible . As the month of October went on , I was still experiencing the same symptoms . I was starting to take several naps a day and eating everything I could find . Those that know me know that I don 't normally eat very much . Chad went out and bought a pregnancy test . When he came home I took the test . I saw the two lines , but it didn 't even phase me . I got into the bath and carried on with my day . When I was getting out of the bath , Chad asked me about the test and I said he could look at it . So he did . He said it was showing positive , but I brushed it off and said it must be broken . So he went out again and bought several Valerie It has been a long time since I have written a blog . I know what I have been wanting to write about , but I wasn 't fully sure if I was ready to share . I still have good days and bad days , but I like to think I have more good days , and brighter days to come ahead . Maybe your reading my blog , slightly confused as to what I 'm trying to get at . A couple of months ago I lost two of my siblings on my birth 's family side . My brother Justin , who I was really close to passed away on August 30 , 2013 . I can remember that day crystal clear . It was a weird day all around , but now it sort of makes sense . It was Prep day at work and while it was a day off looking after the children , we were still working and spending the day cleaning , painting , organizing for the new year to start . Originally I was so excited to work this day , since I had hoped to get to know my co - workers better and I love cleaning especially when it is not my own home . But that morning I woke up , and I was feeling down , and when I got to work I still wasn 't any better . I didn 't feel like talking to anyone , and I just wanted to focus on the tasks that I was given for the day . After work I went home , and Chad and I had plans to go out that night as a close friend of ours was having a good bye dinner since she was moving to Vancouver . Even though I was sad she was moving , I didn 't feel like going to the dinner or even getting dressed for the event . I told Chad , I wanted to just stay home and watch TV . But he insisted , so I got dressed and ready to go out for dinner . We decided to take the bus , since it is such a pain parking downtown and we figured we would probably have a few drinks at dinner . Once we were downtown and had met up with my friends , I started to feel a bit better and I was glad that Chad encouraged me to go out . We had some good laughs , and took some pictures . As dinner arrived we started eating , and again I just had a bad gut feeling but I didn 't understand why as everything in my life seemed to be going great . The only thing I could think of was how much I was going to miss my friend , but I knew it wasn 't just that . While I was eating my dinner I got a Facebook message from my cousin . I rarely hear from him , at first I thought it wasn 't him or maybe his account was hacked but when I responded to him , he wrote back to me and that 's when everything changed for the worst . I was speechless , at first I thought he was joking , then I thought maybe he was talking about someone else , I just couldn 't believe it . I felt completely numb , like I was untouchable , the whole world stopped the same feeling I had when I first heard about my dad when he passed away . Chad and I left the restaurant right away as I obviously wasn 't in the right state of mind to continue my meal with friends and I needed to be with family as soon as possible . The cab ride home felt like forever , and at that point I felt extremely frustrated because I know we would 've been home sooner if we had taken our own car . I still have days where I can 't believe my baby brother is no longer here with us . We talked about everything and anything that was on our minds . I know we had drifted apart within the last year , and I know he had some struggles but I had no idea how bad it was and I figured he was just going through a rough patch like many of us do sometimes . We would stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about life , what we hoped for , what we wanted , and how much we loved and missed our dads . We always talked about what we would say if we could just see them again . We had a lot of fun times together . He was the baby brother that I had always wanted while growing up . I love him so much , and still to this day I wished theJustin was one of the wisest people I had ever met in my entire life . He taught me so much , he made me realize that there is a lot more to just us , in this world and that there is life elsewhere in this world . He was talking about Aliens , at first I thought he was joking but after watching hours of UFO Hunters with him , I decided to be more open - minded and he always said they live out there we just can 't seem them , but we can believe in them . At the Celebration of Life , my sister Krisandra came . At first I wasn 't sure if she was going to make it , as I am sure it wasn 't going to be easy for her . But I was glad that she came . I went up to her , and gave her a hug . When she was in the hospital earlier this year , I visited her often . I saw her around the house , and drove her to work a few times but we never had the chance to become as close as I had hoped . I will never forget what she said at the Celebration of Life . I found out about her passing 12 days after my brother Justin . I was away , and I remember hearing the news and I went back and forth all night trying to decide if I should stay or go home . Regardless , I didn 't get much sleep . The next day we were attending St . Albans in Virginia . I had been looking forward to this event for several months and I was looking forward to see my friends . Even though I was away from home , all I could think about was my family at home . I was distracted . I was just thankful that I had Chad at the event with me , and seeing my friends did help as they had been my biggest support through everything I had just recently been through . I had good days and bad days , just like I did at home . But my friends were the ones who truly cheered me up I had a chance to talk to one of my friends , he knew what I had been through and I had asked him if I was going to have brighter days again , and how do I get past the darkness . He reassured me that times are tough , but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel . Once we came home from our trip , I was still struggling with daily life . I had isolated myself from everyone , some days I didn 't even get out of bed , or even bother to eat or drink . I know I didn 't grow up with my brother or sister , but it still shattered my world . I had always wanted younger siblings , and visioned I would grow up with them , have families , raise our children , go on with daily life and catch up with what I had missed . This whole process has been extremely painful , and I still have days where I just want to give up , throw in the towel because it seems like everyone who I become close to and put my whole heart into loving are always taken away from me . My friends have been my biggest supporters , always willing to listen or hear my anger and frustrations of what I have been through and how I am going to move past this , I 'm so grateful for each and every one of them . Chad has also been there for me , he took some time off of work , just to stay by my side even on the good days , he still stayed home . I went to counseling a few times , and the lady I had was so helpful . I loved how I could just talk without being in fear of being shut out , or telling me to get a grip , or telling me to just move on with my life . Unfortunately some people haven 't been so supportive and I did have to hear those words . I clammed up completely , I started cutting , and didn 't tell anyone not even my counselor , I didn 't share anything for along time . I was scared to , I once again isolated myself , those words hurt so much , I don 't know how anyone could be so cruel . That 's like me saying that back at them , after losing loved ones . I couldn 't and wouldn 't ever dream of saying such hurtful words . All I can say is counseling has been my break through , and trying to find normalcy in life again , feeling happy with myself and life around me . For the longest time , I kept thinking it was all just a bad dream and that they were still here with us . I still have a hard time believing that I will no longer see them again except in my dreams . I hate not being able to see Justin , or having hugs from Krisandra . I miss them so much . I can 't wait to see them again , when my time comes . I always think of what they would want me to be doing . Living life for them , and taking in every minute with my friends and family . They will always be remembered , and never too far from my mind . I know they are watching all of their loved ones from above , and now our guardian angels . Hoping we will continue to live our lives for them and that they are also walking along the path even though we can 't see them . They are there . Love you Justin and Krisandra . Rest in Peace and see you again my beautiful siblings ! Through this experience I have once again realized how precious life is , and to love your friends and family . Even if you don 't always get along , tell them you love them any ways , listen to them , and be there for them . Posted by It has been a while since I have sat down and written a blog . The last few months have been super busy with working everyday , writing stories for my Paranormal Creative Writing class , and making plans to go back to school . I thought I would share some of my adventures that I had at the beginning of March when I had an amazing time going to visit a friend in San Francisco and then making our way to North Carolina for PRS Camp Paranormal . My adventures started on February 27th . Chad was able to take some time off work to drive me to the airport . I was so excited to be spending the evening with my friend Ginnie at her home in San Francisco and then traveling together the next day to North Carolina . The flights went well , the layover in Seattle was 3 hours long but as usual I got through it , thanks to my phone keeping me occupied , and listening to music . Once I got into Oakland , I got into a taxi . At first the Taxi driver had no idea where I was going , and of course I wasn 't much help since I had never been to the area where Ginnie lives , so I just assumed he would know since he was the driver . We took a few wrong turns , and then he finally pulled over . You know when you watch too much CSI , when you think . . . why is he pulling over and stopping the car . I panicked for a few minutes but then he re - entered the address and then he soon realized that he had put in a wrong city . LOL ! We had a good laugh about it , and then soon we were on our way . The initial drive should 've only taken 15 minutes instead of almost an hour . But in the end it worked out , and soon I saw Ginnie standing by the side of the road ready to greet me . I got out of the car , and we gave each other a hug and then we went into her home where I was able get more organized and put my suitcase in her room . Then we decided we would go for a walk and find somewhere to eat . It was such a nice day in Alameda and I couldn 't believe how warm it was , considering at home I had left the rain and cold . We talked about everything and anything we could think about . It was so good to catch up , even though we talk to each other everyday . Soon we found what appeared to be a small Pizza Cafe , we went in and ordered a pepperoni pizza , but instead the server gave us something completely different . LOL ! Neither one of us cared since we were so hungry and it tasted good . After eating , we headed back to Ginnie 's house , watched TV and went to bed . Although neither one of us got much sleep since we were up until 4am laughing about random stuff . The next morning Ginnie 's mom told me that we had kept her up all night , but she didn 't care because it was good to hear us laughing and we were obviously having fun . I quickly apologized and thanked her for having me . We met up with Deeanna at the airport , checked our bags and then headed to the gate . I was so excited to be flying Southwest since it meant we could pick our seats , have as many snacks as we want and the flight attendants are always so friendly . The first flight was 4 hours to Chicago and our second flight was about an hour and a half to Raleigh . We literally went from one plane to the next as they were already boarding . The next morning a friend picked us up and we went to meet our other fellow campers at the airport . The road trip was another awesome adventure . Since there weren 't enough seats due to all of our luggage we had to make things work . Let 's just say , for those of us who were there and experienced it , it will always be an adventure that I will never forget and that it was a lot of fun . Plenty of inside jokes were made and shared while at camp . . . LOL ! We all cheered once we made it to Rockfish Camp . The location was beautiful , lots of space and being able to look over the lake was just amazing . We went into the main lodge and registered and quickly reunited with old friends and met new friends . We were greeted by Chris and Sergey who gave us hugs , and our packages of which house we will be in for however long we were staying for . Once we knew which Cabin we were going to be in , we all took our suitcases and seperated . I was in the GSD group , and Chris Edwards was my leader for the week . I loved the lay out of the cabins as it was all one room , with many bunk beds to choose from . Some of my cabin mates were already there , and had set up so we quickly introduced ourselves . Later on in the day we played ice breaker games and then we all met at the Dining hall for our first meal together . I loved how the meals were family style . The food and drinks would be placed in the middle of the table and we would all pass it around and share . The staff did an amazing job making sure there was enough to go around , and if we needed more they were happy to serve us . In the evenings we would all separate into our groups that we had been assigned to and our group leaders would meet us in our cabins . On the first night , Chris had us interview each other , and would ask us questions about the person we are interviewing . If we didn 't know something , he would ask us questions about what our thoughts were to dig deeper to find out more . The second night we shared our own personal paranormal stories , and the third night we played a board game that Chris and Eilfie had worked so hard on creating . It was mainly for us to find out what it 's like to work in the field and how much it costs to do certain things like holding events , raising Buell bucks for investigations and equipment that you may need for a clients home or business . Playing the board game is when I felt like all of our cabin mates really bonded . We had to interview each other , come up with stories to solve cases , work with the equipment that we had , plan our events , and come up with ways to save Buell bucks . It was so much fun , we all communicated really well , lots of laughs , jokes and so tired because we had played for 4 hours and still didn 't get to the second part of the game . LOL ! I definitely learned a lot by being in the GSD group , not just about working in the paranormal field , but also finding out in which areas I would work best in by truly discovering my personality and interests . Chris definitely challenged me in all areas that he could and that is something that I really enjoy because it does push me out of my comfort zone , and also helps me realize that I can do it . I also think I learned more about building self - confidence . It was cool to have Chris there to talk to as well . He took the time to get to know everyone , and listen to what everyone had to say . I was actually surprised that he knew me better than I thought he did . I really admired that . I have met Chris on several PRS events , but having him as my GSD leader I definitely felt like I got to know him well . When we were all together as a group we also had bonfires , played games , watched X - Files , watched movies , investigated in the woods , dining hall , and cabins . Those who didn 't want to investigate could still participate by listening to audio that we recorded during the investigations . I have investigated before , but by the end of the week I felt more confident and comfortable . We all did a lot of investigating some of us got interesting pictures , audios and had experiences while some of us didn 't and despite the cold we all had a good time , and it was just another way to bond with each other . Every morning before lunch we would have meditation with Sergey . We learned how to meditate , what some of the ways we can meditate and what method works for everyone . It was a great way to start a busy day , and to calm our minds . I always looked forward to it , not only mentally but also for learning purposes . During the day there were a lot of activities that you could take part in . The camp offers archery , canoeing , ziplining , BB guns , rock climbing , etc . I enjoyed my time going for walks everyday . There were a lot of trails to choose from . On my walks I came upon tree houses , porta - potty , and the yurts . When I wasn 't walking I enjoyed sitting down by the lake , listening to music and enjoying the scenery around me . I can 't wait to go back in June and hopefully have the chance to go swimming . We also had several lectures throughout the day . I would have to say my favorite lectures were Good vs . Evil by Adam Sedlock , Analyzing EVP , Photos and video evidence and Modern Tech of Paranormal Investigation by Sergey Poberezhny , Historical Research , and Divination by Eilfie Music , and Intro to Cryptzoology by Chris Edwards . Overall the lectures were very informative and I took many notes during these lectures . While at camp we also celebrated Sergey and Chris 's birthday early since both of their birthdays were at the end of March . We had two birthday cakes , sang happy birthday and then we watched X - Files . It was a lot of fun , and the cake was really good . The next morning we all got up , packed up our suitcases and headed out of the camp grounds . I took one look back and thought to myself , I hope they do more future events here as the location was just absolutely breath taking and I loved every minute of camp , the trails , activities etc . It was so perfect and comfortable . I could have stayed another week . Once I got home I was so glad to hear that PRS had already planned another Camp Paranormal for June . I didn 't hesitate and I bought a ticket right away . I can 't wait to go back , reunite and meet new friends , go more in depth with the paranormal lectures , ask more questions , go on more investigations , hopefully challenge myself even further , enjoy more camp meals together , and get to learn more about myself . Not only was it about learning about the paranormal , it was also about rediscovering yourself and being challenged by others as well as challenging yourself in ways that may be uncomfortable but at the end of the day accomplishing something bigger and better than you ever thought you could do . I think many of us also accomplished the challenge of having to be out in the cold everyday , and heating up by the fire when we could . I wouldn 't change anything about this experience . I had an awesome time and I can 't wait to go back in June . I also can 't wait for warmer weather . I hope to see you at Camp Paranormal 2 in June . Don 't worry if you come alone . I have been to many events on my own . Gettysburg Field Trip 13 was my first PRS event on my own and since then I have been to many events and I always made friends within seconds / minutes so I can guarantee that if you do come to camp that it will be the same for you . We truly are a unique , fun - loving , interesting group of people who like to welcome new and old friends to come along with us on the journey and to seek the unknowns of the paranormal . To find out more information on Camp Paranormal 2 in June click here : http : / / cp2 . eventbrite . com / # The year started off a bit rocky since my mum had a mini - heart attack and was in the hospital for a week , but thankfully she made a remarkable recovery . The day that she was coming out of the hospital was the same day we had a bad snowstorm in Victoria . I was at work and Chad had a very important job interview at a place called Smart Dolphins . Even though driving to his interview was out of the question , he took a big step by walking there in about a foot of snow . I 'm so glad that he did because now he is working full - time at Smart Dolphins and seems to really enjoy his job . We also had a family member pass away at the beginning of the year . He already knew ahead of time that he only had a few months left , so we did our best to make sure to visit him as much as we could . It was definitely a hard time for all of us , but especially for my mother - in - law since she was his primary care - giver and his common law partner . Its hard to believe that it is almost one year since he has passed away . I 'm really glad that I had the opportunity to get to know him , and I have definitely missed him over the last year . But we will always think of him and remember all of the great times we had as a family . Over the last few months , my mother - in - law and I have built a better , and healthy relationship . I no longer feel like I have to hold back my feelings of what its been like losing my dad , and we seem to understand each other on a more personal level . I have definitely become a lot closer to her and I know that this will continue for us for many years to come . By the time March came around , things started to look up for us . Chad had now been working in his new job for a while and was really enjoying it . I was so happy for him since I knew this would make a lot of changes for us financially and it was the best thing that had happened to him since he had finished his schooling . Later in the month Chad and I went to San Francisco for PRS Field Trip 14 . That was a lot of fun . I met some amazing people who have become some of my closest friends . Going on the USS Hornet and doing investigations throughout the night was incredible , and being able to stay overnight on the Hornet was a lot of fun too . We had a lot of great laughs and created some life time memories . I really enjoyed the EE sessions that we attended , and a few of my friends ( Mercy , Robin , Irene and Jeni ) and I won a dinner auction with Ryan and Sergey . It was so funny that during the auction all of us weren 't on the same page as to who was going to bid and we were all trying to outbid each other and then finally one of us said , I thought we were all in this together LOL ! Going to the right restaurant for dinner turned out to be another adventure for us . We started out in the hotel restaurant , we all sat down , looked at the menus and then we realized that we didn 't want to eat there anymore so we all randomly got up and walked out . LOL ! Then we started to walk around San Francisco to find another place to eat . We stopped at a few restaurants , some were busy , some were pricey , and nobody could really decide what they felt like eating . I felt like we were walking all over San Francisco but then Ryan found the perfect Italian restaurant . We all sat down and had some good discussions . The food was really good and just having some of my closest friends there was so awesome . In the evenings , Chad and I hosted a couple of hotel parties in room 1126 . Amazing how I still remember my hotel room , LOL ! We played games , socialized , had snacks , and plenty of drinks to go around . Overall , Field Trip 14 was definitely one of the best events that I have ever been to , and it was really nice that Chad and I were able to go together since he usually has to stay behind to work . This was my second year working at Zellers , being a part - time Cashier . For the most part I didn 't mind my job , but a lot of changes were being made in the store and I wasn 't as happy as I used to be . I liked most of the people that I worked with , so that usually made my days go by a little easier . Then an opportunity came up to apply for a new clothing store coming to Victoria , Banana Republic . I was hoping that this would be a good change , since I was tired of always being behind the counter and I wanted to help customers on the floor . I went to the interview and I did get the job so I ended up quitting Zellers . Unfortunately working for Banana Republic didn 't turn out the way I would 've liked . It caused me a lot of stress , frustration and anger in a lot of ways , but one of the reasons was I was never paid on time . I definitely learned a lot about myself during this time . No matter how unhappy you may have been in your previous job you need to look on the bright side . For example , the people you work with , being scheduled to work , and always being paid on time . I also learned to stand up for myself . As much as I don 't like to bug people I realized that in order for things to change sometimes you need to get up , go in , and bug them until you are satisfied with the outcome . As I 'm sure most of you have guessed by now , I decided to leave my job at Banana Republic and find something else . Even though Zellers is now closed , I still stay in touch with most of the people I worked with who have also become my friends . We like to go clubbing , watch movies , go to the beach , and play games . I hope that it will continue for us in 2013 . By now it was almost summer time , and even though I wasn 't really working a steady job , I was getting some on - call work for childcare centres . It was nice to have a break from retail and not have a set schedule so I could still do the things that I wanted to do . Around this time , I also donated my hair to BC Childrens Hospital for children who have cancer or a certain type of disease that prevents them to grow their own hair . I did this in honor of a few family members and a friend who have or had cancer . In July , I decided to fly down to LA and spend a few days with a dear friend of mine , Irene who I met at Field Trip 14 . Over the last few months we had become really close , and I was really excited to spend a few days with her before heading off to the first PRS Bureau retreat with Robin . During the few days I spent with Irene , we went to Disneyland and met up with a couple of other girls that we had met online within the Para - community , but this was the first time we were meeting them in person . We went to Hollywood , did some shopping , walked around and went on one of the Hollywood Tours that took us to the sign , around the homes and downtown . Robin came over one night and we had Chinese . Before we knew it , the days were up and it was time for me to meet up with Robin and head over to the PA PRS Bureau retreat . The PRS Bureau retreat was another great event . It all started off with Holly 's awesome road trip to the retreat location , LOL ! We had a special birthday celebration for Ryan with cake and gifts and Mercy , Holly , Robin , Ginnie and I performed a Lady Marmalade special for Ryan that we had worked on over the last few months . Even though Ginnie and I had met briefly at Field trip 14 and even ate at the same dinner table at the Hornet , we never really got to know each other until this event . We definitely got to know each other a lot more . I still laugh at the Boat Shenanigans that happened at the pond , LOL ! Our friendship sort of started off in an argument because she said the boat was sinking and I insisted that it wasn 't so I got in the boat anyway and start paddling away and then I look back and see the water coming in very quickly and start yelling at Ginnie , " okay , you were right , the boat has a hole in it " LOL ! Luckly , I wasn 't too far out so I was able to get the boat back to the edge of the pond and Ginnie helped me get out . Describing this in words doesn 't do it justice , you just had to be there ! Of course with the many shenanigans we had at this retreat , Ginnie and I have become best friends . It is a little scary how we can read each others minds , and think the same thing before saying anything to each other . I also met a lot of other great people who I have become friends with and still keep in touch with today . I 'm so grateful for the PRS Bureau for this reason . This retreat , along with the Binaural Beats that Sergey introduced us to , helped me let go of some of the frustration I had with previous things in my life . I 'm not really an outdoor person , but I really did enjoy the scenery , the ponds , and going out for walks everyday through the trails . In September , which is also my birth month , I turned 27 . I had a couple of birthday dinners with family and friends . Then at the end of the month I went to Orlando with some friends . We went to Disneyworld , Universal Studios , Horror Nights , Senor Frogs , Fun Spot Attractions , Cassadaga Spiritual camp , and Barnes and Noble . Some of us went to the Mystery dinner , went shopping , hung out by the swimming pool , participated in the NOH8 Photoshoot , and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning on the hotel rooftop . I came home for a few weeks and then at the end of October I went to North Carolina for the PRS Halloween Retreat ! I 'm sure for many of us this was one of the best times we had in a long time . It was really interesting being there the whole time while Hurricane Sandy was happening ; it was very windy with lots of rain . It was neat to see a group of people reunite and meet for the first time and feel like family . We all took part in decorating the hall for what turned out to be an awesome Halloween Party . Many of us dressed up in costumes and won prizes . We watched some scary movies , X - Files , played board games , went for a walk in the woods , decorated our own cabins , and socialized with each other . When I got home from North Carolina , I started to get a lot more on - call childcare work and it was time to start thinking about Christmas . It came up so fast for us this year . We almost didn 't have enough time to finish our shopping . Unfortunately , the holidays wasn 't that great for a lot of people since many of us seemed to be getting a cold or a flu one after the next . Here we are on the last day of 2012 . Even though there were some ups and downs , I am very grateful that I have met some new friends , had some awesome adventures , learned more about myself , had some great times with Chad and I can 't wait to see what 2013 will bring for all of us ! ! I wish each and every one of you all the best in 2013 . For those of you who have hopes , dreams and accomplishments to be fulfilled I hope 2013 will be your year : ) Posted by Christmas was something I looked forward to every year when I was a kid . My parents had a family tradition of going to midnight mass , relatives visiting , watching my mum decorating the tree to a certain theme while counting all of the decorations as she placed them , socializing , playing games , baking , making gingerbread houses , cooking a big turkey dinner , wrapping presents , and watching movies . In the morning I was usually the last one out of bed . I know that seems crazy to some of you since most children are up so early , eagerly waiting to open their gifts . I have a Christmas video to prove this . My mum would have to wake me up several times before I actually got out of bed . As an adult I still have a hard time getting out of bed . LOL ! My dad would make us tea , and then all of us would gather around the tree in our pyjamas or comfy clothes and open presents . I know some families with children don 't get a lot of gifts at Christmas time , but my parents always did their best to help those in need by donating food , clothing or toys to a shelter , church or someone that they knew could use some help . We were very lucky that my parents were able to support us . After our presents were open we would have brunch and my mum usually made waffles with strawberries and whipped cream and then for the rest of the day she would be prepping dinner . About four years ago , sadly this all changed . My dad who I was extremely close to , passed away . It was a huge shock to the family , friends and community who knew him and I never realized it until now , but he was the one that held everyone together . He was the one that would do anything for anyone before himself . I feel bad that I didn 't realize this until after he had passed away , or maybe I did but I didn 't realize it until now . The Christmas traditions stopped . My mum no longer felt like celebrating anymore , which is completely understandable . I remember the first year having to go through all of the holidays without my dad being there was really tough . I haven 't seen some of the family members in the last few years , because we are not as tight as we used to be . I miss that . But , I discovered there is nothing much we can do except try to be grateful for what we have in front of us and not give up hope . A few years ago my life changed again but this time a prayer was answered . I finally found my birth mom and family , which I had been searching for for 5 years . My parents told me from a young age that I was adopted , but I didn 't really understand what they meant until I was in my teens . They would remind me all the time that my birth mom loved me , and that she even gave me the name Je t ' aime , which means " I love you " in French . I thought this was a pretty cool name , and I still do . I started searching for my family as soon as I was legally able to which was at the age of 19 . I never gave up hope , and I didn 't tell many people that I was looking in case things didn 't work out the way I had planned . I wrote ads in the paper and did a passive search through the Adoption Reunion Registry , but every attempt came up as a dead end . Life went on . In between searching I got married to my best friend / soul mate Chad , went to school , moved out on my own , and started working and saving up money . Once I had the money to continue searching , I did just that . I filed for my original birth certificate which would give me a crucial piece of evidence that would eventually end my search : my mom 's middle name . I would check the mailbox daily . After several months had passed my birth certificate finally arrived in the mail . I was so excited and was about to look into what the next step would be to find my mom . But then something inside of me was telling me to check Facebook , since most people had been using the social website for a couple of years and I figured , whats the worst that could happen ? If she doesn 't have Facebook , I will just continue on . I went on the computer , logged into my Facebook account and entered the name that was written on the birth certificate . A picture came up with the name . I clicked on it , and was looking at it thinking to myself , is this her ? I got really excited , but I didn 't want to get my hopes up too high just in case it wasn 't . I immediately asked Chad to come over to see for himself and passed on the picture to other family members to get their opinions . They all agreed that she looked just like me . I sent her a message over Facebook , but I could tell that she wasn 't very active so I decided to send messages to other people on her friends list and hoped that someone would let me know or let her know . Chad also helped me with this , and he was the one that got the call that yes in fact she was my mom . I remember he called me at home , and I just happened to be home from work since I was sick that day and I answered the phone and he told me the news . It is hard to describe how I felt . I just had all of these emotions hit me and I couldn 't wait to meet her and find out if I had more family members out there . Later on that day , I called her and we talked on the phone for hours as if we had known each other for years . Found Birth mom on Facebook - Interview with Chek News We met in person on Mother 's Day of 2010 . I met my mom along with her common law husband , my Aunty and cousin . I was so overjoyed and excited that I had never given up on my search . It was so awesome to have both of my moms in the same room . A few weeks later , I met the rest of the family . They all knew that I had been adopted and it was for certain reasons but they all said the same thing , that they hoped I would find them one day , kind of like finding the missing piece of the puzzle and now the puzzle is complete . Looking back on this I know my dad had something to do with this . He knew that I wanted to find them , he knew that I wanted answers , and to be a part of my birth family . They have all welcomed me with open arms , and now I am very much involved in a lot of the family functions that take place . It was definitely an exciting , overwhelming and emotional time and to this day I am still very grateful . Christmas started to become an exciting time for me again . Having family dinners , celebrating Christmas , playing silly games and even though it may not be the usual family tradition that I grew up with , I know deep down that my dad knew that I wanted and needed my birth family in my life . To not only find myself and have all of my questions answered but for them as well since I was the missing piece of the puzzle . I can 't wait to see what else lies ahead for us as a family . Christmas with my birth family : ) I hope this blog gives you an insight into what my journey has been like . I hope everyone has a great Christmas and when you are with your family , look around and be grateful for what you have . Christmas is not just about getting gifts under the tree , it can also be the gift of a lifetime that can forever change for the better . Some of the family gathering for Aunty Grace 's wedding ! Posted by Over the last few days I have cried so many tears for those children , staff , families and friends for those who have passed on and for those who have lost their loved ones . I can 't even imagine how they are feeling especially when we are so close to celebrating Christmas which should be a happy time for all of us . I have been so affected by this latest tragedy , and I know that many people say the shooter had a mental illness , but to me it doesn 't matter . The fact is he killed SO many innocent , beautiful children who were between the ages of 5 - 7 years old and were just starting their lives . This has torn me up to pieces , and I 'm not even a parent . However , I am an early childhood educator sub and I have also been looking after children for a VERY long time . I so badly want to hold all of my babies that I look after extra tight and I I hope those children who did survive will get the help and support that they need to cope through this properly . I fear that many of them will have PTSD for the rest of their lives I so wish I could take it for them . They should not have to suffer . you ? Do they relocate ? Some of those children lost their friends , siblings and teachers . I 've tried to vision myself in their situation as to how they will feel , and I cannot comprehend it . I don 't think I would be able to live with myself knowing that one of my best friends died in a school that I have to continue going to , to learn . It just makes me so sad . I 'm sure many of you have seen the pictures of the children and staff who lost their lives . They were all beautiful people , you can tell just by looking at their faces . My heart aches so much , that I am just completely overwhelmed . This tragedy has shocked many of us all around the world , and even though many of us are sad , angry , frustrated , and keep asking ourselves the questions as to why . . . We need to pray that those who have been left behind will get the support and necessary counseling they need to hopefully be able to move on and I hope the parents will sit their children down and answer any questions they may have as to why this has happened . They need to know and understand that this was not their fault , and that sometimes in life things happen and we don 't always know why , or what the reason was but that they will do everything in their power to help them cope Even for those children who did not attend the school and may have heard the news , I still think the parents should have this conversation with them , because we don 't want to create more fear for them . School should be a place where they feel safe , and to learn . Over the weekend my mother - in - law and I were talking about this , and I was telling her how upset I was and she said something to me that surprised me and actually made me feel a lot better . She reminded me that my dad who passed away 4 years ago and I was very closed to will do everything in his power to hug each child and protect them , just like he did while he was here with us . I said to her , you are absolutely right and I never thought of it that way . It made me feel better knowing that even though I may not have him here , at least he will do whatever he can in Heaven . Posted by On September 24 , 2012 I started my journey down to Orlando , Florida . I had decided to go a few days early so that I would get to go out and experience some of the many attractions before the field trip . On Tuesday , September 25 , I got to Orlando and met up with a couple of friends at the airport who came from California . We took a short cab over to the hotel . Got settled in and then we decided to look around the hotel before getting something to eat . We went to this restaurant where they have many items that you can choose from and decide which ones that you like best . When I saw Alligator bites on the menu , I did not hesitate to order this . I love trying out new foods , and this is something that you would never be able to get in Canada . After dinner we went back up to our room and got into some hilarious discussions . We realized very quickly that we were bonding and becoming great friends , especially with some of the funny / embarrassing stories that we were sharing that went on until the wee hours of the morning . The next day we found out that plans had changed for Field Trip 15 . My first reaction was hoping that everything was okay and understanding that sometimes things happen and there is no way around it . But once I heard that most people were still coming , I started to realize that we would make this trip a once in a life time experience . We truly bonded over the week and by the end of it we had all become even closer and did not want to go home . I was really excited to meet new people and reunite with friends that I had met at previous PRS events . It felt more like a family reunion . We all supported each other and no one was left out of anything . Michelle Belanger and Tiffany did a great job getting some special locations set up so that we could all get together to socialize . Many of us stayed in Orlando for the full week , and we did a lot more things then I think any of us expected that we would . We went to Island Paradise and went on the major rides which were the roller coasters . The first roller coaster we went on was the " Incredible Hulk " It instantly took my breath away and I couldn 't believe how fast it went but I loved it nonetheless . Whenever I go to an amusement park , my main goal is to go on every roller coaster possible . I absolutely love them , and I was really excited that I was going on them with my friends . While we were at the park , we met up with a few more people and they joined in with some of the rides . By the afternoon , we decided to take a break and go to Margaritaville restaurant . I was really excited that we were going here , as I had always heard good things about this place . In the evenings for those of us who like to stay up until the wee hours of the morning , we would go to the hotel rooftop which was called the Moon . It was a nice open space that looked over Orlando . We would chat , play games , dance , and share stories . For my birthday celebration we went to Senor Frogs . I still don 't know who arranged the VIP entrance and the birthday shots , so if you read this : thank you so much ! It was an unforgettable experience . It was one of the best birthday celebrations that I have ever had and I will never forget it . Many field trippers as well as Michelle Belanger came out to celebrate , have drinks , listen to music , socialize and dance . The waiters in the restaurant were really nice , and took good care of us . When I was in Orlando I also had the opportunity to go go - karting with a couple of field trippers . Go - karting is one of my favorite things to do . We went to Fun Spot Attractions . It was a small amusement park with a few rides and they had several go - kart tracks . It was a lot of fun and I made friends with fraternal twins who worked for Fun Spot . They were really nice and let us stay after the park had closed to go on a couple more rides . We went on the bumper cars , and decided to stay on there several times in a row , it was awesome ! . The day after go - karting I woke up with a horrible headache . I was supposed to go to Disneyworld in the morning with a few of my Canadian friends . I decided to go back to bed , and hoped that I could join them later on . After getting a few more hours of sleep , I woke up and still had a really bad headache , but I thought to myself , " I 'm in Orlando . Who knows when I will be back ? " and I was dying to go to Disneyworld since I absolutely love Disney and I knew it would be a great day hanging out with some good friends . So I got up , had a quick shower , took a cab and met them in the park . We went to Magic Kingdom , and went on Space Mountain a couple times , Thunder Mountain , Astro Blasters , Thunder Mountain and Splash Mountain . I was really glad that I went , since I know I would 've regretted it if I hadn 't . It was a great day of fun with some awesome friends ! In the evening I went to Horror Nights which is in Universal Studios with one of my Canadian friends . It was a lot of fun , and I 'm so glad that I went . When we got to the park we immediately decided to go on the Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit Rollercoaster . After the ride we walked around , and they have scare actors who are dressed up in costumes and if you don 't pay attention to what your doing , or if you are talking to someone they will try to scare you . I had this happen several times . We also went into a couple of haunted houses . They did a really good job putting in that scare factor . I just wished the lines weren 't so long , because it would 've been nice to have more time to visit more of the haunted houses since they all had different themes . While we were in Orlando , we also did a NOH8 photo shoot . Before the field trip Betsy had messaged me and asked me what I thought of the idea since this was something that she wanted to do that had a lot of meaning to her and she thought maybe we could also show our support for Ryan as well . It was a huge honor that she had asked me to help out . We had no problem with field trippers wanting to show their support and were more then willing to wear tattoos and have their photos taken . Everyone played a huge role , for example getting a special card for all of us to sign , taking photos , applying tattoos , lighting candles , and coming up with ideas . We all worked really well together as a team and I know this meant a lot to Betsy since she really wanted this for a special member of her own family , and for all of us who were so willing to show our support for Ryan . Even though we all took this seriously , we were able to have fun with it as well . Once we all got home from the field trip we got together online and discussed the NOH8 book that Betsy wanted to put together for Ryan . The book was presented and given to him by Ewa and I at the Halloween Trick or Retreat as a gift from Betsy , and the rest of us who participated . I couldn 't believe how fast that week went by and that it was now time to say goodbye . I always find the last day so hard to say goodbye to all of my friends that have become a huge part of my life . Overall , I had a really good time in Orlando . I made some new friends on the field trip and at Fun Spot , I learned a lot about myself , I had an awesome birthday celebration that I will never forget , I was open to trying out new food and drinks , I went on all of the major roller coasters , and I went go - karting . It will definitely be one of those holidays that I will look back on and think that was one of the best experiences of my life and I will never forget it . Posted by My full name is Valerie Theresa Eileen Ryan . I am 28 years old and was born on September 10th , 1985 in Victoria BC I am happily married to my best friend Chad Ryan ! We have been married for 6 years but have known each other for 11 years . We met when he was the innocent age of 15 while I was 16 years old , and have had some pretty amazing adventures , and will have plenty more to come : ) We are currently living in Victoria BC Canada along with our beloved yellow lab named Abbie who is 12 years old . I was adopted at the age of 5 months and was raised by two amazing parents , that I will never be able to thank enough for all of their support , encouragement , and love ! I have recently been blessed with reuniting with my birthmom and family . I have 9 siblings combined with the two families , 7 brothers and 2 sisters . It has been such an amazing experience so far ! So blessed to have them back in my life ! I am very excited to start blogging and sharing stories , so feel free to stop in and read any time and post comments . If you want to find out more info on myself please click " View my complete profile " Thanx for stopping by : ) |
Not much to write about today , as we dropped the girls off at their day care and won 't be seeing them again until Monday . Jason had a formation this morning , right after we dropped the girls , and then went in for his PT session . After that we came back to the house and just relaxed . Tomorrow Jason has another formation , and then an appointment for a procedure that has to be accomplished . Otherwise it should be another day of relaxation , and I think I 'll go for another bike ride , as I did today . Today I rode about 12 miles and tomorrow I will go for at least 15 . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers , take care and stay positive . The girls were up early today , about 06 : 15 , maybe a little earlier . I figured I was going to have a busy and active day when I heard them , but it turned out to be a rather relaxing day , although I was busy enough . It began with breakfast and then instead of going to their day care we waited around the house for a speech specialist , to talk with us about Jackie . Jackie has shown some signs of not being able to form all the sounds of a typical 2 - 3 year old , and the teachers at her day care asked us to get a specialist involved . Problem is they didn 't show up . Actually , what happened was that Jason was supposed to go meet with them last week , and was double booked , so wasn 't able to make that appointment . He called them and rescheduled for today , and now they didn 't make it . Hopefully it will be taken care of early next week , with another scheduled appointment . . . wish us luck . We got the girls over to their day care , at about 10 : 15 and then were able to take care of everything at the hospital by noon . From there Jason and I took care of a couple of other errands , and ate ( or maybe I should say it was the other way around ) , and we were back to pick up the girls by 15 : 15 ( 3 : 15pm ) . We made it back to the house with little fuss ( traffic was lite today for some reason ) , and then was all just kind of relaxed about the house . I read the girls a couple of books and then let them watch the other have of Madagascar II , and then we had dinner . Jason was actually able to get some nap time in , so that was a good thing . Dinner was simple and I read them a couple of other stories and they were particularly pleased . Going to bed was easy . and tomorrow we have to have them over to their day care by 09 : 00 . Actually Jason has a formation to attend at 09 : 00 , so we 'll have them there a bit earlier than that . It should be a relatively easy day , but each one tends to bring it 's own surprises so I never know what to expect . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . A very nice day , considering the one we just had yesterday . Jackie woke up feeling MUCH better , and full of energy . We still took it slow , and didn 't want to chance her lapsing back into a flu or something , so we didn 't get the girls to day care until almost 09 : 00 . Jason didn 't have any appointments , since he cancelled them yesterday after finding out that Jackie was running a temp . We did , however , have a couple of errands to attend to , and then we went and got some lunch . Lunch was actually kind of different - it was after 11 : 00 when Jason said we should go get something to eat , as he was getting hungry . I said sure , what do you want . He didn 't have anything in particular so I suggested Chinese , and he thought that was a good idea , we hadn 't had Chinese in months . He picked the Golden Dragon and we were off . The only problem with this plan was that neither of us consulted our " smart phones " so we didn 't know what their hours were . We finally made it over to the restaurant and found out they were closed . It is located over in a part of town that we weren 't familiar with so we kind of just walked around for about ten minutes and came across this barbecue place . Turned out it was pretty good . We got back to the house and it was about 13 : 00 ( 1pm ) and Jason was ready to get back to bed . I did a little straightening up of some of the clothes on the couch and then did some catching up on my email . At about 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) the new home health worker showed up and we sat and talked with her for about 40 minutes . Jason and I both like her so I am hopeful that she will work out . Larry is no longer going to be with us , as he has decided to go with a different direction . It is too bad , because he and Jason had a special relationship , and a big part of that was because the two of them had some common interests . Anyway , I went to go pick up the girls at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and brought them back to the house . Jason was sound asleep , and in fact was asleep prior to me leaving . I played with the girls and read them a book , got them a little snack and then let them watch a video . This allowed me time to go start dinner . I cooked up some hamburgers with rice and vegetables . Stacy did a great job on the burger and vegetables and Jackie was more interested in veggies , than anything else . Well , that 's not entirely true . Both of them love their apple juice . The rest of the evening was a bath and a bed time story , along with a little time with Daddy ( he woke up well before dinner ) . Tomorrow is going to be a smooth day , and we are figuring that we will be back at the house by about noon . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Other than a single excursion out to Costco , with the girls , I didn 't leave the house today , and Jason didn 't leave it at all . It was a simple laid back kind of day , except that for whatever reason , is seems Jackie caught some sort of bug - possibly the flu . This morning she seemed fine , and was running around like normal . She had a bowl of Cheerios , and then we went to Costco . By the time we were back home from Costco , though , she significantly slowed down and even volunteered to take a nap , about 1 / 2 an hour before I was going to get them to bed . When I got them up from their naps ( Stacy went to bed about an hour after Jackie ) , I checked her temp again and it was within the normal range ( 99 . 0 ) , so I wasn 't too concerned . I checked it again , about an hour or so later , and it was 100 . 5 . She drank apple juice and water , and then for dinner I fixed everyone chicken noodle soup . Funny thing is Jackie liked the chicken , broth , celery , and carrots - but she didn 't particularly care for the noodles . Anyway , she was back in bed , after some Tylenol fever reducer , with apparently no elevated temperature , and again Stacy followed about an hour or so later . She got Daddy to read her a story tonight , and that was pretty special for her , as it was just her and Daddy . I am hopeful that Jackie will be feeling better in the morning , otherwise we will be taking her in to the doctor . Jason typically has formation one Monday 's and he has already contacted his command to let them know he won 't be there . Stay tuned for the next exciting update tomorrow night . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Today began with a quick breakfast and then I packed a snack and other supplies up , and we were off to Jason 's and Gracie 's training , up in Oceanside . We had told the girls last night that we were going to be going to a park this morning , where Gracie and Daddy were in a class , and while we were there they would get to play on swings and other play area things . Both of them were pretty excited about going , so it was very easy to get them to get into the van , and then we were on our way . We got to Buddy Todd Park and Jason went over to their training area and the girls and I went and immediately found the swings . There was also the " train " with a slide at one end , and Stacy was anxious to explore that one . We even did some " tree climbing " before the day was over . Actually , the tree is an oak and the way it has grown allows for simply walking right up on to one of the limbs , and the girls felt like they were climbing a tree . I helped them get up a little higher and got some pictures of them , to be posted tomorrow . We finished up on the swings and just as we were ready to leave , Jason came over to let us know they were done , so it all worked out perfectly . Going back down into San Diego was another issue . . . the traffic was terrible and we even had to jump off the freeway to take some back roads . The good thing about taking longer bike rides is that I 'm learning some of the back roads and it allowed us a slightly faster route today . We had lunch at the Olive Garden and then headed on back to the house , where the girls were ready for their nap . When they took a nap , so did Jason and I , though our naps really didn 't last all that long . Not much else happened today , other than a visit from a friend , Gary K . , as he brought by a very nice gift for Jason . He apparently is gifted with the ability to work with stained glass and made a very nice " window " for Jason . I 'll find a place to hang it , and I think I already have the place . Dinner was simple and then the girls got their bath . Tonight Jason read to them , from one of the Disney books , and it was great for them all to be together like that . The best part ( from my perspective ) was that Jason was able to actually place Jackie into her crib . It was a bit of work , but he still did it , and Jackie was very happy about it . Not sure what tomorrow is going to develop into , but I 'm sure we 'll have plenty of things to do , besides laundry ( I need to get a couple loads done ) . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Not much of an eventful day , other than to say that we went to the base and Jason took care of a number of appointments , after his regular 07 : 30 formation this morning . Since it was a day where Jason was going to be speaking with different folks , and all of them related to his med board process , I decided to take care of another issue that has been sort of sitting on the back burner for a couple of weeks now . That is , to take the van in for a regular service visit . The service check up took all of 20 minutes , and that was because the guys wanted to be sure to vacuum out the interior and there was some dog hair on the floor . With today 's autos being computerized they just have to plug it in and as long as nothing is wrong , you 're on your way with just a few minor adjustments and an oil change . Anyway , I was literally on my way back to the base before 08 : 00 . I went with Jason to most of his meetings , though there was one where they needed to draw some blood for a lab work that needed doing , and an injection . Otherwise it was an all paperwork kind of day . When we were done we headed over to the Broken Yoke and had some breakfast . It was only moderately busy , so it wasn 't too loud , and we enjoyed just sitting there and talking about different things , like the girls birthdays coming up soon . As it is , this being an odd year , they will be with their mother , and next year with dad , who has the even years . When we got home we relaxed a bit , and Jason had a shower , followed up by a dressing change . I let Jason know that the wounds are all looking better , and that I am hopeful that in a matter of a few weeks that one or two of them could be closing . A short while later I was headed back to the base to pick up the girls from CDC and then coming back home . That 's when the day switched to a very fun kind of day . The girls were all full of energy and wanted to share the day with us , even Jackie was talking up a blue streak . They went off for a little while and were playing together with their dolls . This gave me some time to figure out what I needed to do for dinner , though I already had planned on spaghetti . I cooked up the sauce and it came out exactly as I wanted it and the spaghetti noodles were just right . Both the girls ate plenty and the funny thing is that Stacy ate more than Jackie this time . After dinner , it still wasn 't too close to bed time , yet Stacy asked if she could get her night gown on , and thus Jackie wanted to also . Shortly afterward I called Grandma , and both of them talked with her , and told her all about their day and dinner . I went up to my " office " and the girls came up with me . I spent about 15 minutes checking my email and Jackie asked to watch some Bugs Bunny . I said sure , but after I read you the story that Stacy asked me to read , earlier . They both sat with me as I read the story and then we watched some Bugs Bunny cartoons , I think three of them . Then it occurred to me that they should be doing this with Jason , so we went down to his room , and that 's what they did , only they did it for more than just three cartoons . I stepped out and left them alone until it was time for bed , and I guess they were satisfied with their time because they were ready and willing to go to bed . It felt like a great night of family bonding and I could see that the three of them were very happy with the evening . Tomorrow we will be heading over to Gracie 's training , at the park , so I 'll have the girls over at the play area while Jason works with Gracie . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Jason and I were contacted by Jennifer Town ( Cpt . U . S . Navy , Ret . ) that Gary Sinise was going to be at Balboa this morning , and wanted to unofficially invite us to come and see him . We decided that it was a good idea , since we hadn 't see Gary in a few months , and it would be a good chance to do a little catching up . The challenge is that I had also planned on going for a nice bike ride this morning - at least 20 miles . Well , the simple solution was that I got up early and took off for my ride and still got back early enough that we could get over to the base , before Gary had to leave ( he had to leave around noon ) . I rode a relatively quick 20 miles , a little over an hour and a half , and got home soaking wet from sweat . It took me about 20 minutes to " cool " down before I jumped into the shower , and that 's when I really cooled down . I turned on the water and stepped right in before the water had a chance to warm up . I stepped right back out a little faster . . . ; - ) Once we got to the base , we found Gary and Jennifer sitting at a table behind the coffee shack in the quad area , so we just went over and sat down with them . They were both happy to see us and we stayed and talked for about 15 - 20 minutes , then Gary had to get going so that he could go visit some of the other guys as well . That was okay , as Jason had to take care of a couple of appointment scheduling issues . When we were all done with that , and done with the visit to Wound Care we received a call , again from Gary , and he had to get going ; and , he wanted to know if we were still around . As it was , I was still putting the dressings on and needed another 10 - 15 minutes , so we simply said our good - bye on the phone . He did ask me to be sure to keep him posted on developments so I promised to send him email updates . After that we went to lunch and then went and saw the movie Lone Ranger . I would have to give it a solid B , and thought that it was entertaining . It was something like a movie remake of an old t . v . show , and it pretty much was . The biggest draw back was that it was over 2 1 / 2 hours long . The biggest plus was that you really did not like the bad guy . Anyway , when we finally got back to the house it was already after 18 : 00 ( 6pm ) and we were both tired , and Jason wanted a shower . On top of that Anthony Netto came by to discuss a couple things with us . Jason had been up for a very long stretch , and he was tired , and I was tired as well . I didn 't even get a long conversation with Linda tonight , because by the time I finally got a chance to sit down and relax and talk with her , it was getting late . She had a busy day with taking the kids to The Jelly Belly Factory , so we were both tired , and just wanted to go to bed . So , with that , I 'm going to sign off and thank you for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I woke up this morning to a quiet house , where Jason and the girls were still asleep . This just means I can take a few moments to brush my teeth and start the day . I checked my email and found that I didn 't have much " overnight " email , which was good , and then I went down to check on the rest of the household . The girls were now awake and so was Jason . I got down there and I guess Stacy heard me coming because she was calling for " Grandpa " before I got to the room She wanted to let me know that Jackie was making noise and it woke her up . I told her that it was okay this time , since it was time to get up now anyway . I got the girls up and then got Jason some breakfast . I fed the girls breakfast and finished getting them dressed and ready for the day . I was particularly pleased that Jason got himself ready , and that other than bringing him breakfast , I really didn 't do much else . We loaded up into the van and then went over to the Naval Base to drop the girls over at the day care and get Jason over to his first meeting . He actually had a couple of things that needed to be taken care of , one of them being with the VA , and then we were going to be headed back to the house . I had my appointment , and it was over at noon , which was to coincide with Jason 's schedule , but then he found out that there was a " town hall " meeting he was supposed to attend . It was to be a final meeting for the departing base commander , while at the same time an introduction to the new hospital command . There is two different command structures and they simply have to work together and resolve issues together . After the meeting we finally got back to the house where Jason took a shower and I changed his dressings . We really didn 't need to eat lunch since the town hall meeting had sandwiches for everyone . Jason spent the rest of the day in bed and spent some time with his video games , as well as sleeping . I relaxed in the front room and cleaned up a couple of things , as well as fixed dinner ( it was easy since all I had to do was re - heat the soupPosted by Wow ! What a day . It started off with me getting up at about 05 : 40 and calling Linda , to make sure she was up for her day . I then got started on a couple of errands upstairs , and more specifically , in my bedroom . I then went down to make sure the girls were up and moving , but to my surprise they were already up and in the room with Daddy ( Jason ) ! Well , it was 07 : 30 by now and they were full of energy and life , and I needed to get them breakfast - Jason too . I fixed them some cereal and I am happy to say that Jackie is getting much better at feeding herself , and doesn 't make near the spills she used to make . Stacy has been a pretty clean and tidy eater for some time now . After breakfast I got the girls over to their day care ; and signed them in . Stacy was in her class and Jackie was back in hers , this time . I came back to the house and told Jason that because he really didn 't have a bunch to do today , until after 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) , that I would like to get out on the bike . I hadn 't ridden in about five days , and I needed to get some more miles on the bike and I should be back at the house before noon . I finally did get out of the house and got rolling down the street , and one of the first things I noticed was the head wind . The breeze wasn 't too terribly bad , but it was enough to add a little more " load " on the ride . I ended up going 16 . 5 miles and it felt like it didn 't matter which direction I was going , it was against the wind . I didn 't get back to the house until 12 : 05 , and I knew Jason had two stops prior to going to the VA , for his appointment . I hurried and got cleaned up and we were out the door before 12 : 30 . The VA appointment was good , in that Jason was able to meet with the doctor and they talked about all the injuries he had sustained , and the doctor took down all the information . Then I think the doctor 's curiosity got the better of him and he asked to see the wounds . Good thing I was there , as they didn 't have any medical supplies there , and we didn 't bring any with us . I had to re - use the pads he came in with , and it was like putting a puzzle back together . After that we picked up the girls and came back to the house . We got to the house and the maintenance guy was here , fixing a couple of the things I had asked be checked out . One of the biggies was the faucet in the kitchen sink . The way the handle was set was just within reach for Jason , and I wanted to get it a little closer . On top of that , there was a leak that was causing water to go under the sink , into the cabinet . The new faucet was installed and it is a little easier for Jason to get to , and it doesn 't leak . Jason went straight to work on fixing dinner , as he wanted to make some of his famous soup for the girls . It did take him a while to get everything put together , and except for the spices ( they 're kept on the upper shelves ) he was able to get to everything on his own . It was a very good experience . It also allowed us some time to talk about what kind of house he would like to have , once we get away from the naval hospital , here . The soup was very good , and I probably ate too much , but what the heck , I was hungry . Even the girls ate a fare amount . The rest is in the refrigerator , and we 'll probably eat it for lunch tomorrow . The girls go back to their mom tomorrow , so we won 't see them again until Friday , and then have them through next Tuesday . The schedule may seem a little crazy , but once you get used to it , it actually makes sense . Tomorrow Jason has a couple of appointments at the Naval hospital , along with a couple of his regular PT appointments , and I even have an appointment . I don 't think I 'll be getting a bike ride in , but probably will on Thursday . Thanks , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Not a great deal going on today , other than the girls are back with us , at least until Wednesday morning , when we take them to their day care . The communications between Jason and his ex seems to be going much better than it was just a few weeks ago , and I 'm glad to see that . They have a schedule that has it totally outlined as to when the girl are with us , and when they are not , and it seems to be working well . The morning started with Jason going to formation , as he does on Mondays , and today 's ceremony was topped off with the retirement of three other Marines , all from the Wounded Warrior Battalion . One of them was Sgt James Amos , who we met back in the early days of Bethesda . He is a double amputee and more than once , he and Jason would just sit and talk about their lives . I was glad to see him moving on , but I was also saddened by his departure , truly a hero in every sense of the word . After formation we both had meetings to attend to in Building 26 , and then other things to be done over by C5 . We hadn 't planned on the meetings and things to be at that same time , it just worked out that way . So much so that as I walked out of the building , Jason came out with me and we headed over to C5 together . While there Jason had some of his meds updated and Rx 's filled . I went to pick up some new supplies . After this we went back to the house , mostly to allow Jason to take a shower and clean up , and also a dressing change for the wounds . We went to the store and picked up a few things , mostly fresh vegetables , so that Jason can put together one of his famous soups . We also bought a few other things like milk and eggs , but those are kind of normal purchases . Once we got back to the house I fixed lunch for the two of us , and then I sat down on the couch for about 15 minutes . It was now time to go back and pick up the girls as well as the meds that had been ordered for Jason . They are doing some renovation with the pharmacy , so frequently the time to pick up prescriptions is much longer than what would normally be experienced . I got the meds and went over to pick up the girls and found out that they were in the same room . Jackie spent the day with Stacy and it worked very well for them as well as making it easier for me to pick them up . We went back to the house and then the girls and I walked over to the housing office to get some work orders placed ( a couple of things need repair ) . We got back to the house and I let the girls play while I started to fix dinner . The girls went to bed , with no problems and so I read them a nice long story about Cinderella , and then they went to bed ( and I 'm going to be doing the same in a few minutes ) . Tomorrow should be another easy day , though both of us need to go to the VA to get some information , and check on appointments . The real good news is that I don 't have to get the girls up early , and they can sleep in . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support , and take care and stay positive . Today was kind of a plus day for us , even though Linda had to travel back up to Livermore . The plus was that she wasn 't supposed to be here at all , and should have gone home last night . As it was , when it was time for her to travel to the airport , I got her there late . I consider it all my fault , as I wasn 't watching the time and so we had to go with a next flight option . She did get on that next flight and made it back up to Livermore about 30 minutes later than originally planned . A big THANK YOU , to Kevin for being available , on short notice , to pick her up and bring her back to the house . Otherwise , today was spent being relaxed , and just sitting around talking for the most part , along with eating breakfast , lunch and dinner . Linda had to leave right at lunch time . Jason only got out of bed to take his shower and for me to do the dressing changes , and I think this is probably a good thing , considering the amount of time he had been spending up , over these past few weeks . The wounds are still healing up , though there is some signs that a couple of the smaller ones are exhibiting some expansion , and I 'd rather that not be the case . Tomorrow I will be going in to the base , with Jason , at about 07 : 00 , so he can be a part of the Monday morning formation . After that he has another meeting so I will be heading over to pick up some of the supplies we need , and then probably meet him over at his 9 : 00 appointment . A nice quiet day at the Ross household , where we all got up a little later than usual ( about 07 : 15 ) and nothing planned for the day , other than my needing to be on a conference call with PMI . ( Project Management Institute ) . The conference call lasted for just over four hours and when it was over I spent the time with Linda as she packed for her travel home . While I was on the call she was busy with other things such as getting the last of the laundry all done and cleaning the house the way she likes it to be done . Anyway , we did a few little chores , like hanging pictures and running to the store to pick up a couple of things , then the time was getting to when we needed to head for the airport . Linda did the final touches of her packing of the bags ; I carried them down the stairs to the front door ; and , then she came down just a few moments later . I took the bags out to the car and placed them in the back of the van . I walked back in to the house and was standing in the kitchen , ready to walk back out to the van so we could leave ; after all , it was 18 : 00 ( 6pm ) and her flight was to leave at 19 : 35 ( 7 : 35pm ) . That 's when I got that phone call - it was Southwest , so I put it on speaker so Linda could hear . The flight had been cancelled and she needed to call them to find out when the next available flight would be leaving . As it turned out the next available flight ( that she would accept ) was at 12 : 30pm tomorrow afternoon . This was actually very good news for us , and Jason asked us if we wanted to go out to dinner - his treat ! Linda gets to sleep with me again tonight ( and me with her ) , so we end up with another night together . Tomorrow , obviously will be a run to the airport , then generally a relaxed day . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers , and take care and stay positive . Linda had a pretty good experience , even though she accidentally hit a switch under the dash that shuts off the ramp extender . It took a little bit to find the reset button , and everything went back to normal . The real positive is that now she knows about the switch and reset button , so that if it should happen again it won 't be any problem at all . She and Jason got back to the house a little after I did , and my ride was very good as a solid training ride . I went out to Cabrillo National Park and then road up to the light house . On the way back down I rode past the street where I would turn back to go to the house and continued on to Sea World , and beyond , then finally turned back around and went back to the house . What was particularly good about this ride was that I didn 't have to stop to break until I was up at Cabrillo Park , and then a second break at about the 22 mile mark . Neither break went more than 3 minutes , and I had plenty of Gatorade and water to get me all the way . Finally , after Jason 's shower , that he took when we were all back home , we all laid down for a little rest . Oh , and we did have a quick lunch in there as well . We all dressed up and left the house at about 18 : 15 ( 6 : 15pm ) and that was a little later than I wanted , but I thought what the heck we have plenty of time ( I know , famous last words ) . We got out on the road and at about Carlsbad the traffic slowed , got slower still and finally almost stopped . I didn 't start to worry about it , until we had lost almost 20 minutes and I knew we were going to be late . As it turned out , we kind of crawled along for about 10 miles and then the traffic started to loosen up . Shortly there after we were moving at full speed again and we did , in fact , make it before the dinner started . Once we were there I recognized a few people that we met last year , at this same event and then ran into Nick Popaditch ( author of " Once A Marine " - good book to understanding the mindset of a career Marine ) . He came over and met Jason and Linda and we had a couple of pictures taken . Shortly after that we had our picture taken with Ronald Regan 's son , Michael and Lt . Col . Oliver North . At this point it was time for us to go in and have dinner . While all this is going on , Bob Hamer , our benefactor for tonight 's dinner and invitation , is bringing us our name tags and making sure we 're alright . Dinner was excellent , and we got to sit with Kelly Carlson ( TV : Nip / Tuck and the movie " Marine " ) and her boy friend ( who happens to be Navy - go figure ) . I only knew of her because Jason had told me she had come to visit him once in Bethesda , and Linda didn 't remember who she was either . She is a friend of both Bob Hamer and Gary Sinise . Anyway , it was a great evening until Jason started to feel uncomfortable and we had to leave . We did get to stay long enough to see Bob receive an award of recognition , and a couple of short talks . Fortunately the drive home was relatively quick and without incident . Today , Jason decided that he would rather just stay in bed for most of the day . We got him breakfast and made sure that things were well within his reach , then Linda and I took off to be tourists again . It was for a matter of a few hours , and it was another opportunity to allow Jason to be " on his own " for a little while , and all worked well . What we did was we went on a tour of the San Diego and Coronado Island area , and it gave me a chance to learn a little more about the history of this place . We came back home at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) , and Jason wanted to get a shower in , as well as to have his dressings changed . Not much else for this evening other than Linda doing some packing and organizing , and checking in her flight . . . yes , she is flying home tomorrow . We are going to miss her , and hope to be able to get her back here sooner rather than later . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support and take care and stay positive . This was one of those early mornings , where we didn 't have to get going early . . . i . e . the girls simply got up early today and we didn 't need to leave the house until almost 08 : 45 . That made it kind of a fun and crazy morning , with Grandma ( Linda ) and I working on getting the girls all ready and their hair looking great . Actually , I 've been taking advantage of Linda being here so that she can teach me a few things about how to fix a little girl 's hair , and when she takes off in a few days I should still be able to at least make them presentable . We got the girls to their day care and then Jason over to his appointments and then we came back to the house . Jason said he wanted to head out to lunch and Linda said how about Olive Garden . Me , I was just hungry since all I had was toast for breakfast . . . and a cup of herbal tea . We got to the Olive Garden and the food was good , as was the service , though it wasn 't anything out of the ordinary , as we kind of expect that with this particular restaurant . We really didn 't do much for the rest of the day , other than to pick up some clothes from the cleaners and just laid around the house . Tomorrow we 're going to a special dinner , with Bob Hamer , and we needed the clothes from the cleaners so that Jason could be in his Tux ( I don 't have a tux , but I do have a nice suit and Linda has a nice dress ) . I might be able to get some pictures from the dinner , but that still remains to be seen . Heck , I still need to post the pictures of the girls from the carousel , from the other day . Tonight we had a mish - mash of different things for dinner , and realized we ned to go to the store tomorrow , if we can , and restock the place . Linda will be taking Jason to his appointment tomorrow and I will be going for a long ride - possibly 30 + miles , and I want to see if I can get it all done in about 3 hours . If that works then I 'll feel much better about being ready for the up coming ride . Still looking for sponsors , so please go to the web site for the eodride ( www . eodride . org ) and select the San Diego ride . You should be able to find my name under the Riders and then you just have to click on my name and follow the directions . Anyway , that 's about it for today , so thank you for the continued support and prayers and take care and have a great day . Today started out very early , with Jason needing to be at a " class " for those who are starting the medical review boards . Jason has just recently started that , so he is obligated to take this training . The interesting part is that it is typically an all day session , meaning about nine hours , and Jason can not remain up in his chair for more than five hours at a time . Going more than four hours begins to cause him a great deal of dis - comfort and going over five there will be damage . What they have had to do is split the class in to two sessions and the first one is today with the next one happening next week . We had to get the girls up early as well , since we wanted to get them over to the day care and then Linda and I were going to get to spend the morning , or at least most of it , together . What actually happened wasn 't quite what we expected , but then it usually doesn 't happen the way we expect anyway . We did get the girls over to their day care , right after dropping Jason off . Then we decided to go off to breakfast , with just the two of us , at the Broken Yoke . We got into the restaurant without any kind of wait , and ordered out breakfasts . Linda was feeling a little out of sorts , since she had to get up early today , but we figured it was just a matter of needing to get things going with breakfast . Everything was good , until they brought my breakfast . I ordered the home fries , and noticed that the potatoes were bad , and had large black spots all through them . I called the manager over and showed him and he was thoroughly embarrassed . They did their best to fix the situation and apologized several times and then Linda began to get a bad headache . Over the coarse of about 15 minutes the headache went from bad to worse . We finally left with most of our breakfasts in boxes ( they discounted for the potatoes , but no comp ) , and I brought Linda back home . She had a full blown migraine by the time we walked back into the house . She laid down and remained that way for most of the rest of the day . I did what I could to make her feel better , but she wanted to have a quiet and dark room . While she was " resting " I decided to take off for a bike ride and road out to Cabrillo again , and it was a nice ride . I actually stopped and talked with the Park Ranger for a few minutes as he said he recognized me from my previous visits ( I guess I 'm riding out there often enough now that they are starting to recognize me ) . I bought a 1 - week access to the park ( bikes even have to pay for entry ) , so that I can come back again , and road into the park , and around for a little bit . I knew I needed to get back to the house so I didn 't ride around too much . The total ride was about 16 . 5 miles , and I was pretty sweaty by the time I got back home . When I did get home I saw the clock and it said 11 : 12 , and I knew I needed to be back at Balboa by 11 : 30 to pick up Jason . I came in the house and Linda was asleep . I did my best to not disturb her , and just grabbed a clean shirt and took off to go get Jason . I drove on to the base and went to C5 parking , where I usually go , and then called him to see where he was . He was over at building 26 , waiting for me . I ended up picking him up at about 11 : 32 , so I wasn 't too late , and we headed on back home . This is where he took a shower and I did a dressing change for him . Afterward I took a shower and felt much better . The rest of the day was me going to pick up the girls from day care , at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and coming back home . I took them over to the big park , after we had gotten back to the house , and they practically ran the entire way there . We only stayed for about 30 minutes , as there weren 't any other kids there and they were hoping to have others to play with . We went on back home and finished watching Tangled ( started it last night ) , and Jason ordered a pizza ( he isn 't in the mood for pizza very often , so when he is it usually works for all of us ) . He ordered a Hawaiian style for the girls , since they seem to like pineapple on their pizza , and then another one for him and I . A little while latter I was upstairs , giving the girls a bath . About this time Linda got up and she wanted to come out and spend some time with the girls . She will be flying home this weekend and wanted spend some time with them , since this is their last night with us , while Linda is here . She sort of took over , once I got them out of the water and down stairs , and that was okay with me , since I needed to run over to the store ( The girls drank the last of the milk with their pizza , and I wanted to be sure we had some in the morning . ) . I came home and told the girls good night , and then Linda and I sat down in the living room for about 30 minutes and just talked . We also killed a small bottle of wine , and then came back up to go to bed , and me finish this blog . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I am actually quite tired right now , so please forgive any type - o 's and other errors . Good day for the family , and for Jason in particular . He had a great morning with Physical Therapy ( PT ) and before that his morning formation was over in a matter of less than 20 minutes . After PT he did mention to me that he was a little soar in a couple of places where Dawn was working his shoulders , but that wouldn 't be the first time that has happened . We did get to go see Pacific Rim , and it was an entertaining movie , though I am glad we went to the matinee and that we didn 't have to pay full price for it . I got the impression that the people who put it together wanted to put something together that was a bit like Godzilla meets War of The Worlds , and there were some interesting turns with it . Overall I 'd give it a B - , though I did enjoy the characters Ron Perlman played and the crazy professors , and that 's all I 'll say about that . Tomorrow is going to be another early day , and Jason is going to be heading in very early for some classes he is required to attend . The class is actually an all - day type class and they have modified it so that he can take half tomorrow and the other half next week ( at least I think that 's the schedule ) . The girls will be going to day care and that will mean that Linda and I will be able to have the morning to ourselves , after we drop everyone off . That 's about it for now , though I 'm sure I could write more . I need to post some of the photos from the carousel rides yesterday , but I 'm tired and I don 't want to accidentally goof on something . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . First it began with my system running slow , so I did some work on cleaning up the buffers , cache , temp files , defragging the hard drive and when I was done the system seemed to be functioning much better . . . for a little while . As I sat down to do a little catch up with my email , and then the blog ( my normal routine at the end of the day ) I noticed the battery was low and not charging . I was concerned with this and started to look at the cables and then it all just quit , with a black screen . My first thought was that something was wrong with the system in general and that I had done something wrong with my clean up effort , and was concerned that I was going to have to possibly get a new system . This was not very appealing to me , as that means spending money we don 't have . In the morning I did a quick bike ride ( too early for anyone to be open ) and then headed over to Best Buy , since they hold the warranty on the system , and I knew they would be able to do at least some checking on why it wasn 't running . As it turned out they just hooked it up to another , known good power supply , and the system came back to life . That told us that the power supply was shot and that all I needed to do was replace that . Much cheaper than buying a whole new system . As it turned out , it only cost me about $ 65 . and the system is running just fine . Okay , otherwise , Saturday ( yesterday ) started out with a really long bike ride , over some hilly terrain and my legs got a great work out . I remember going out a few months back and seeing this hill and thinking to myself that I didn 't want to have to ever ride that one . Not only did I ride that hill , I road another one that was just as challenging , and I did it without having to stop . I felt pretty good after that ride , though I did need a little extra time to recover . When I got back to the house everyone was up and moving and we had a generally pretty good day . There were the normal activities and things like showers and dressing changes - by the way , the wounds are looking much better , and I am hopeful that a couple of the areas are going to be closing up soon . This would be very good . The girls have been having a great time and playing with each other , as well as with Daddy ( Jason ) , and Grandma and Grandpa . As it was , today was very similar to yesterday , except for some other activities , and a repair that happened today on my laptop . . . ; - ) One of the biggest differences for today was that after dinner tonight we took the girls to the carousel , over at the Sea Port Village , and they had a great time . Jason watched them as they rode the ride three times , and would have ridden more if it hadn 't been time to get back to the house , so they could go to bed . We rode back to the house , and even after we got back to the house , both the girls were still excited about riding the horses and other carousel animals . I think we 'll have to go back there again . Jason is still making some significant progress with his meds , and that he is getting away from some of the pain medications , and that is a great thing . The fear is that the doctors will prescribe the same stuff again , after he has some surgery that is coming up . I know that is one of the concerns he has . He wants to get away from the medications as soon as he can so that he can give his kidneys a bit of a rest , even though there are no signs of any problems . Tomorrow we have to get going early , as Jason has a 07 : 30 formation , so the two of us will go in the morning , and Linda will remain with the girls , back at the house . We will be leaving at about 07 : 00 , and then coming back to pick them up later , so that they can get to day care . It works good for Linda that way too , so we 're all happy . This has been a long post , so I really appreciate your taking the time to read the whole thing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . . . Jason had an appointment with the VA , and that was over in a matter of a couple of hours , and the Marines did the transporting to and back to the house , for us as Linda 's Mom and Dad spent the rest of the day with Jason . It allowed Linda and I to had a nice day together , and we simply did whatever we wanted to do . Linda 's parents ( Joe and Jessie ) had to take off this morning , and they will be continuing their trek around California , visiting with family . They are the head of a very large family , and do an amazing job of staying in touch with as many of the family as they can . It was both an honor and pleasure to have them stay with us , for the week ( okay , almost a week ) . The only down side for yesterday came later in the evening , shortly after Linda and I returned home . We left Sea World and got home at about 19 : 00 ( 7pm ) and had just sat down with everyone when a knock came to the door . It was the San Diego Police - they wanted to talk to me ! Apparently a report had been filed ( I won 't mention by whom ) that I had " slapped " Stacy , while giving them a bath . I told them that it was not true , as I hadn 't ever slapped either of the girls . I then asked when was this supposed to have happened , and they said just a few days ago . Again , this was interesting since I hadn 't given the girls a bath since about the middle of last month . Linda has been doing the honor . They finished with me and then spoke with Linda , for about the same time , and again in private . When they were done they apologized for bothering us , but that they had to look into accusations , such as this , and we told them that no apology was needed , as they were only doing their job . To say the least , I was upset and so was Linda . Perhaps it was better that I hadn 't written anything last night , as I might have said something that wasn 't appropriate . As it was , Jason had received a text message and in it , it says that it was Jackie and not Stacy , so that just made it that much more interesting . I told Jason that we just needed to stay on the high road and not to let these kinds of things bring us down . He was bothered that it happened but wasn 't angry , and when we picked up the girls today they were excited to see us , and that is what really matters . Jason had a formation this morning and we took care of some open issues with his schedule . I picked up some supplies and then we went back to the house . We picked up Linda ( she had stayed back with her Mom and Dad ) and we went off to lunch . We then went over to pick up the girls , who were just getting up from their nap , and we came back to the house . The girls were happy to be here and were having a great time , then I said I needed to head over to the store to pick up a couple of things . As it turned out , Jason stayed at the house and the rest of us all went . It was an adventure for the girls and they again , had a great time . The rest of the evening was spent with dinner ; giving the girls a bath ( again , it was Linda ) ; and I helped Jason with his shower and dressing change . The girls went to bed and I came up to work on my email and get this blog put together . It has been a good day . Tomorrow Jason and I will be heading off to take Gracie to her training lesson ( maybe I should say Jason and Gracie 's training lesson ) , and then back to the house . If I can get up early enough I will go for a bike ride , and see if I can get in more than 20 miles , before we go . I believe we had a good day today , and tomorrow is going to be just as good , or maybe better . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Jason and I started out with an early meeting at building 26 , and immediately after I dropped him off for that I had to drop the girls off at day care . They spent the past two days with us and will spend the next two days at their mother 's place , then on Friday they are back with us for five days . The schedule is a little confusing at first , but once you get it , it seems pretty easy . Anyway , they are spending half the time with Dad and the other half with Mom . Anyway , when Jason was done with his " administrative " stuff , he had to get over to the VA for his next appointment there . This proved a bit of a challenge , as I also had an appointment , but mine was not at this location , so I had to drop him off , and then come back to pick him up , about an hour later . The appointment itself , for either of us , wasn 't bad and is just another in line for all the appointments we have to take care of . The real challenge was making sure I wasn 't delayed any longer than I needed to be . When the appointments were over we came back home . Actually , we needed to stop for gas , as the van was running on fumes , and we felt it was probably a good idea to put more fuel in the tank . . . ; - ) We got back to the house and Jason took a shower , the dressings were changed out and we had lunch ( we both had soup ) . He laid back and got involved with his video game , and did some on - line gaming , and I went up to my computer and did some catch up on my email . I really do try to keep on top of the email , and sometimes it can really be a challenge . Especially now with the VA appointments and the regular appointments , plus all those administrative type appointments seeming to come right on top of each other . It can make for a full day of activity - then we need to take care of things at the house ! Linda and her parents decided to do a little more touristy kind of stuff and spent the better part of the day on a tour of the city . It was an organized tour that allowed them to see and learn more about San Diego . It was a great opportunity for all of them , plus it gave them some time just to be together , and I can appreciate that . Jason and I were happy to be relaxing at the house . Tomorrow Linda and I will be playing the tourists and going to Sea World . We are going to spend most of the day together , after I get back from my bike ride . Yep , I plan on a bike ride , early in the morning . I 'll probably do a little more than an hour , and then call it quits . I need to have the energy for the walking around . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . I am going to apologize to begin with , as this is going to be a very short post - I 'm tired . It has been a very busy day with trips to the base and some initial VA trips for Jason , and his initial exams . This is the way it is going to be for a number of weeks and some days it is going to be a bit on the crazy side . Funny thing is that as new surgeries come the VA stuff has to get restarted , each time . Not sure why they want him to go through all this right now , but that 's the directive we 've been given . This is one of those , " Ours is not to reason why , ours is but to do . . . " Tomorrow we 'll be doing more . My birthday was quite nice and I had a bunch of wonderful family members here to help me celebrate . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today we did a couple of things a little different , and it turned out to be a pretty exciting day , with lots of fun and not too much additional stress . The day started with all of us getting up to go to the Charlie Linville retirement ceremony , and it was something that none of us had seen before . Charlie was a gracious as ever and made the comment that in his entire Marine career he had never had other Marines stand at attention for him , for any kind of presentation . He figured that this was okay , since it would also be the last time he had asked anyone to do it . Reality is that all of the guys there were happy to be able to be a part of the ceremony and recognized the importance of the event for Charlie . After that there were a couple of other things that Jason needed to get done at the base , and with other appointments , and I had to take off for my appointments at the VA . Fortunately , Linda is authorized to drive the Rollex Van for Jason , so I took the other vehicle and went to the VA , while Linda , and her parents stayed with Jason at the hospital , in Balboa . As it turned out it was the right thing to do , because both of us finished with the appointment at about the same time and got back to the house at about the same time . It was now lunch so we had a quick lunch and a couple of them took a nap . I had another errand to take care of , and when I was done we went to go pick up the girls from day care . The plan now was to get over to one of the tours of the San Diego Bay , and take the girls with us . It is a tour that lasts for about two hours , and when we were done we were going to have some dinner . The timing was excellent , as we finished the tour ; Linda made a quick dinner for all of us ; there was a bit of a clean up ; and then I went and told them a story before bed . Linda follows me with a couple of songs they like to sing and then we sat up a couple more hours with all the adults , and just enjoyed each other 's company . By now Jason had gone to sleep , and so we didn 't ( or at least tried to avoid ) bothering him . Tomorrow are a couple of appointments , with one of them being with the VA , and the other at Balboa . The tough part is that I 'm not getting my rides in , so I 'm not building any of the riding strength that I wanted . Oh well , I am doing pretty good right now , so perhaps I won 't loose too much . Thanks , for all the continued support and all the prayers . We got up early today and I fixed a nice pancake breakfast with eggs . I ended up making a few more pancakes than needed , but that 's okay , we can save them for later - I think . Linda 's parents are going to be here with us for almost a week , so we can have some good times with them , and the girls will get a chance to see their great grandparents for a couple of days . We didn 't do too much other than to go to Charlie Linville 's going away lunch at the Bol Weevill . It was nice , and Bob Hamer was the one who organized it . There were a few other EOD Wounded Warriors there , so it was a nice social time for Jason , as well as a chance to do some catching up with the Linville family . The official " retirement " ceremony will take place tomorrow morning at the base , and we will be there too . I have posted a couple of pictures with this blog - Charlie is the tall one and Bob is the one on Jason 's right . There are some appointments we need to take care of , and then we 'll head on back home - right after we pick up the girls from day care . We have a couple of activities we want to do with them , and with Linda 's parents , so we are going to be tourists , at least for a few hours , and it should be fun . Maybe I 'll get some additional photos posted tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers , and take care and stay positive . Today started with a nice bike ride of 16 + miles over some unfamiliar terrain and with plenty of hills . Well , the first part of the ride was familiar , as I am getting to know the first 3 to 4 miles of area around the house , pretty well now . I enjoy exploring new areas , and it is like a way to help me stay focused on the ride and I don 't seem to get as tired . The funny thing is that at about 5 miles out I realized that I had forgotten to take my backpack , and I always bring that along . It has all my emergency stuff like spare tubes and a little bit of food to keep my energy up . I decided that I would continue on with the ride and then remembered that I also left my cell phone in the backpack , so if something were to go wrong I wouldn 't have a way to call home , and I didn 't even have my wallet or any ID with me . Again , this made me a little nervous but I did so want to get in at least 15 miles today , and when I got going , stretching that out to the 16 mile mark wasn 't too hard . I got back to the house is just over an hour , and Jason and Linda had already taken the girls over to their mom 's place . We had a few things to take care of , like Jason wanted to get his shower in and the dressings changed ; and , on top of that I had committed to Linda that I would clean the floors . It all worked out as just as I was finishing up the floors ( they needed a good scrubbing ) we were contacted by Anthony N . to join him and Angelica for lunch . After I took my shower we all piled into the van and went to have lunch with Anthony . A short while after lunch we were back at home ( Anthony and Angelica came also ) relaxing and talking about all sorts of stuff . It was a nice social time and then a phone call came in stating that Linda 's Mom and Dad were going to be here in just a few minutes - literally . What was nice about that was that Anthony had not yet had a chance to meet them , and both are important people in Jason 's life , and it was important to him . Anthony and Angelica left a short while after Linda 's parents arrived , and so now it was some family news and catching up that took place . We decided to go out to dinner tonight , though Jason decided to stay back live on leftovers . He was tired and needed the rest and I was okay with that . Dinner was nice and we came back home , and now I 'm finishing up the blog . We 'll probably do a little more socializing and then go to bed . I haven 't decided if I am going to be going for a ride in the morning , but it is likely that it won 't happen . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Not much to write about today , other than to say it was a day similar to yesterday . The main differences are that we didn 't have celebratory fireworks today , and today we went to get pictures taken of Jason and the girls ( and Gracie ) . The pictures came out very nice and Linda bought a few of them , though the most important item was the CD that we were given afterward . The photographer we had was excellent , in that he knows how to work with children , especially the young ones who have short attention spans . He was able to get them to focus long enough to get their pictures taken , and also able to get them to smile when needed . The rest of the day was spent here at the house and we all just enjoyed each other 's company . Tomorrow the girls will be going back to their mother , and the timing is kind of unfortunate as Linda 's parents will be coming in tomorrow night sometime . On the bright side is that they will be visiting long enough that they will be able to see the girls and that will be good for everyone . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Good day for resting , and Jason took advantage of it . Other than getting up to go pick up the girls this morning and taking Gracie out to the backyard he stayed down , and I was happy about it . I know the wounds are looking better , and I 'd like for that to continue . The progress is good so I am allowing myself to be a little optimistic about future developments , and will continue to be that way as long as I can . Tomorrow we will be heading out to the Picture People , to take a few more pictures of the girls with Jason , and we hope we can continue to do this every 6 months or so ; at least annually . They have grown so much this past year , and now we 're getting ready for Stacy to go into Kindergarten . . . STARTING SCHOOL ALREADY ! ! As for fireworks and celebrating , it has been a very low key kind of holiday . Jason doesn 't want to be up any more than he has to be , and the girls shouldn 't be out that late anyway . Actually , I think Grandpa wouldn 't be able to stay out that late either . That 's okay , as there will more fireworks in the future and we can have other opportunities for celebrating . I had a great early ride today , and put on more than 26 miles and went up to the top of Mission Gorge . It is a pretty good hill that goes for close to a mile , so it was a good work out . The good part was the trip back down where I hit nearly 38 miles / hour . Not once did I feel concerned about that speed , and at the end of the ride I still felt like I had a reasonable amount of energy . I think I might be able to build up to the October ride , as long as I continue to train . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . A great day for Jason as we were able to finally get the appointment scheduled for him to have the updated MRI and CT Scan on his pelvic area . This is something that we have wanted to get done for several weeks now so we feel like a mile stone has been achieved . The rest of his appointments , today , were good in that he was able to get some needed attention from the right folks , and everything was done by 10 : 30 and we were able to head back to the house . With today being July 3 , the day prior to a National Holiday , and the fact that we 're living in the middle of a military area , we find that people are anxious to get out and start their holiday as early as possible . This had an impact on my bike ride today . I think I may have gone as far as 2 . 5 miles and did not like the traffic one little bit . I am going to be getting out early tomorrow and go for a long ride , and see if I can get in 25 + miles , as I continue to build on my endurance . Still looking for more sponsors , too so feel free to check out the page at www . eodride . org / sponsor - a - rider then select the San Diego ride . A list will come up and you just need to find my name and click on it to begin the process . Any amount helps so please consider it . The girls will be coming back to the house tomorrow , at about 10 : 00 , so I might be out on my ride still , when they arrive . The schedule for when they are to be here has finally been agreed upon , again , so we are once again back to what we had started with . I know Jason is happy that this is finally done , as it was beginning to become a bit of a headache for all of us . Funny what a little type - o can do . We had a nice day today , with Jason taking care of his appointments , and me taking care of mine ( I went to the VA to get some lab work done and set up a follow up appointment ) . Linda was along and had a chance to speak with some of the staff there , and along with that there was a special event going on in the quad where there was a celebration of the different cultures that make up the military family . The three she enjoyed the most were the dancers from the Islands , Philippines , and India - though I guess Philippines are probably considered part of the Islands , also . Then there were these two Nay Chiefs that left a heck of an impression on her , for their singing talent , so all - in - all she had a great time . While she was doing that Jason and I were in talking with Plastics and Primary Care . The good things that came out of those conversations is that we think there is going to be some movement on getting a new model developed and built of his pelvic area , as well as some of the other issues such as vascular structure . This is the stuff that is needed if the doctors are going to be able to get in to do any more work to help close up the wounds and make it possible for him to stay up , in a sitting position , with less pain and discomfort . There are possible other repercussions associated with this , such as how the timing could impact the rest of the year and all the things he would like to see happen . Tomorrow is going to be a mild day , since it is the day for the National Holiday . We need to be at the Flag Poll at 07 : 30 , so I am going to need to get to bed here , real quick . Actually , I think everyone else is already asleep . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support and take care and stay positive . Today started early , with a trip to the base , so that Jason could make the 07 : 30 formation , and while he was getting ready for that Grandma and Grandpa took the girls to their day care . We won 't have the girls for the next two days , or at least that is the current schedule . We have had them for several days now and it has been a great deal of fun . They are growing so fast and showing us that they are learning so much . Having said that we 're looking forward to getting Stacy into kindergarten , this coming school year and thus the beginning of her " formal " elementary education will begin . After we dropped off the girls we went back over to building 26 , where the formation was , and took care of a couple of paperwork issues . We also spent a little time visiting with some friends and basically having a good time , while we waited for Jason to finish up all the stuff he was doing . We then headed off to breakfast , or I should say to their breakfast . I wasn 't going to have breakfast because I had an appointment with the VA . That was okay , as I wanted to get this appointment going and I knew I had to fast so they could do the lab work . Well , as we drove down the road my phone rang and it was the VA . They called to let me know that the appointment had been postponed because I hadn 't gone in last week to get the lab work done . I told them I wasn 't aware that I needed to go in a week earlier , and that last time I wasn 't required to . Anyway , to make a long story short , I am now rescheduled to go next week and I have to get over to their office tomorrow to have the lab work started . Because of this I got to eat breakfast , so I considered it a positive out come . After we got back home from breakfast we all got busy with a few things , including the wound care and a shower for Jason ; and , by 10 : 00 I was ready to take off for a ride . I finally got out of the house at about 10 : 25 and returned at about 12 : 45 . I went for almost 25 miles and felt pretty good . I was also pleased that I could get in a decent ride all within a comfortable distance of the house . Jason had said he was interested in going to the movies , and see World War Z , so we went to the 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) showing . It was an interesting moving , and perhaps because of the poor reviews I wasn 't expecting too much of a movie . I thought it could have done more to build the story and the characters , but then it would have been a very long movie . We enjoyed watching , and it was entertaining . While Jason and I were at the movie , Linda stayed home working on a project of organizing Jason 's dvds . She also watched a few movies along the way and she said she had a great time . The organized dvds look good too . Tomorrow should be another good day for Jason , as he has a couple appointments , and they don 't start until a little later in the morning . Once I drop Jason and Linda off at the base I will be headed over to the VA to get the lab work started . After that I 'll head back to the base and catch up to them ( at least that is my hope ) , and then we 'll head back to the house . I 'll be working on the yard a little later in the day , and doing some clean up there . Linda will probably be finishing up the dvds and Jason will we working through some of his paper work and playing some video games ( as well as napping ) . Thank you , all for all the continued prayers and support - Take care and stay positive . |
Not much to write about today , as we dropped the girls off at their day care and won 't be seeing them again until Monday . Jason had a formation this morning , right after we dropped the girls , and then went in for his PT session . After that we came back to the house and just relaxed . Tomorrow Jason has another formation , and then an appointment for a procedure that has to be accomplished . Otherwise it should be another day of relaxation , and I think I 'll go for another bike ride , as I did today . Today I rode about 12 miles and tomorrow I will go for at least 15 . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers , take care and stay positive . The girls were up early today , about 06 : 15 , maybe a little earlier . I figured I was going to have a busy and active day when I heard them , but it turned out to be a rather relaxing day , although I was busy enough . It began with breakfast and then instead of going to their day care we waited around the house for a speech specialist , to talk with us about Jackie . Jackie has shown some signs of not being able to form all the sounds of a typical 2 - 3 year old , and the teachers at her day care asked us to get a specialist involved . Problem is they didn 't show up . Actually , what happened was that Jason was supposed to go meet with them last week , and was double booked , so wasn 't able to make that appointment . He called them and rescheduled for today , and now they didn 't make it . Hopefully it will be taken care of early next week , with another scheduled appointment . . . wish us luck . We got the girls over to their day care , at about 10 : 15 and then were able to take care of everything at the hospital by noon . From there Jason and I took care of a couple of other errands , and ate ( or maybe I should say it was the other way around ) , and we were back to pick up the girls by 15 : 15 ( 3 : 15pm ) . We made it back to the house with little fuss ( traffic was lite today for some reason ) , and then was all just kind of relaxed about the house . I read the girls a couple of books and then let them watch the other have of Madagascar II , and then we had dinner . Jason was actually able to get some nap time in , so that was a good thing . Dinner was simple and I read them a couple of other stories and they were particularly pleased . Going to bed was easy . and tomorrow we have to have them over to their day care by 09 : 00 . Actually Jason has a formation to attend at 09 : 00 , so we 'll have them there a bit earlier than that . It should be a relatively easy day , but each one tends to bring it 's own surprises so I never know what to expect . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . A very nice day , considering the one we just had yesterday . Jackie woke up feeling MUCH better , and full of energy . We still took it slow , and didn 't want to chance her lapsing back into a flu or something , so we didn 't get the girls to day care until almost 09 : 00 . Jason didn 't have any appointments , since he cancelled them yesterday after finding out that Jackie was running a temp . We did , however , have a couple of errands to attend to , and then we went and got some lunch . Lunch was actually kind of different - it was after 11 : 00 when Jason said we should go get something to eat , as he was getting hungry . I said sure , what do you want . He didn 't have anything in particular so I suggested Chinese , and he thought that was a good idea , we hadn 't had Chinese in months . He picked the Golden Dragon and we were off . The only problem with this plan was that neither of us consulted our " smart phones " so we didn 't know what their hours were . We finally made it over to the restaurant and found out they were closed . It is located over in a part of town that we weren 't familiar with so we kind of just walked around for about ten minutes and came across this barbecue place . Turned out it was pretty good . We got back to the house and it was about 13 : 00 ( 1pm ) and Jason was ready to get back to bed . I did a little straightening up of some of the clothes on the couch and then did some catching up on my email . At about 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) the new home health worker showed up and we sat and talked with her for about 40 minutes . Jason and I both like her so I am hopeful that she will work out . Larry is no longer going to be with us , as he has decided to go with a different direction . It is too bad , because he and Jason had a special relationship , and a big part of that was because the two of them had some common interests . Anyway , I went to go pick up the girls at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and brought them back to the house . Jason was sound asleep , and in fact was asleep prior to me leaving . I played with the girls and read them a book , got them a little snack and then let them watch a video . This allowed me time to go start dinner . I cooked up some hamburgers with rice and vegetables . Stacy did a great job on the burger and vegetables and Jackie was more interested in veggies , than anything else . Well , that 's not entirely true . Both of them love their apple juice . The rest of the evening was a bath and a bed time story , along with a little time with Daddy ( he woke up well before dinner ) . Tomorrow is going to be a smooth day , and we are figuring that we will be back at the house by about noon . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Other than a single excursion out to Costco , with the girls , I didn 't leave the house today , and Jason didn 't leave it at all . It was a simple laid back kind of day , except that for whatever reason , is seems Jackie caught some sort of bug - possibly the flu . This morning she seemed fine , and was running around like normal . She had a bowl of Cheerios , and then we went to Costco . By the time we were back home from Costco , though , she significantly slowed down and even volunteered to take a nap , about 1 / 2 an hour before I was going to get them to bed . When I got them up from their naps ( Stacy went to bed about an hour after Jackie ) , I checked her temp again and it was within the normal range ( 99 . 0 ) , so I wasn 't too concerned . I checked it again , about an hour or so later , and it was 100 . 5 . She drank apple juice and water , and then for dinner I fixed everyone chicken noodle soup . Funny thing is Jackie liked the chicken , broth , celery , and carrots - but she didn 't particularly care for the noodles . Anyway , she was back in bed , after some Tylenol fever reducer , with apparently no elevated temperature , and again Stacy followed about an hour or so later . She got Daddy to read her a story tonight , and that was pretty special for her , as it was just her and Daddy . I am hopeful that Jackie will be feeling better in the morning , otherwise we will be taking her in to the doctor . Jason typically has formation one Monday 's and he has already contacted his command to let them know he won 't be there . Stay tuned for the next exciting update tomorrow night . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Today began with a quick breakfast and then I packed a snack and other supplies up , and we were off to Jason 's and Gracie 's training , up in Oceanside . We had told the girls last night that we were going to be going to a park this morning , where Gracie and Daddy were in a class , and while we were there they would get to play on swings and other play area things . Both of them were pretty excited about going , so it was very easy to get them to get into the van , and then we were on our way . We got to Buddy Todd Park and Jason went over to their training area and the girls and I went and immediately found the swings . There was also the " train " with a slide at one end , and Stacy was anxious to explore that one . We even did some " tree climbing " before the day was over . Actually , the tree is an oak and the way it has grown allows for simply walking right up on to one of the limbs , and the girls felt like they were climbing a tree . I helped them get up a little higher and got some pictures of them , to be posted tomorrow . We finished up on the swings and just as we were ready to leave , Jason came over to let us know they were done , so it all worked out perfectly . Going back down into San Diego was another issue . . . the traffic was terrible and we even had to jump off the freeway to take some back roads . The good thing about taking longer bike rides is that I 'm learning some of the back roads and it allowed us a slightly faster route today . We had lunch at the Olive Garden and then headed on back to the house , where the girls were ready for their nap . When they took a nap , so did Jason and I , though our naps really didn 't last all that long . Not much else happened today , other than a visit from a friend , Gary K . , as he brought by a very nice gift for Jason . He apparently is gifted with the ability to work with stained glass and made a very nice " window " for Jason . I 'll find a place to hang it , and I think I already have the place . Dinner was simple and then the girls got their bath . Tonight Jason read to them , from one of the Disney books , and it was great for them all to be together like that . The best part ( from my perspective ) was that Jason was able to actually place Jackie into her crib . It was a bit of work , but he still did it , and Jackie was very happy about it . Not sure what tomorrow is going to develop into , but I 'm sure we 'll have plenty of things to do , besides laundry ( I need to get a couple loads done ) . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Not much of an eventful day , other than to say that we went to the base and Jason took care of a number of appointments , after his regular 07 : 30 formation this morning . Since it was a day where Jason was going to be speaking with different folks , and all of them related to his med board process , I decided to take care of another issue that has been sort of sitting on the back burner for a couple of weeks now . That is , to take the van in for a regular service visit . The service check up took all of 20 minutes , and that was because the guys wanted to be sure to vacuum out the interior and there was some dog hair on the floor . With today 's autos being computerized they just have to plug it in and as long as nothing is wrong , you 're on your way with just a few minor adjustments and an oil change . Anyway , I was literally on my way back to the base before 08 : 00 . I went with Jason to most of his meetings , though there was one where they needed to draw some blood for a lab work that needed doing , and an injection . Otherwise it was an all paperwork kind of day . When we were done we headed over to the Broken Yoke and had some breakfast . It was only moderately busy , so it wasn 't too loud , and we enjoyed just sitting there and talking about different things , like the girls birthdays coming up soon . As it is , this being an odd year , they will be with their mother , and next year with dad , who has the even years . When we got home we relaxed a bit , and Jason had a shower , followed up by a dressing change . I let Jason know that the wounds are all looking better , and that I am hopeful that in a matter of a few weeks that one or two of them could be closing . A short while later I was headed back to the base to pick up the girls from CDC and then coming back home . That 's when the day switched to a very fun kind of day . The girls were all full of energy and wanted to share the day with us , even Jackie was talking up a blue streak . They went off for a little while and were playing together with their dolls . This gave me some time to figure out what I needed to do for dinner , though I already had planned on spaghetti . I cooked up the sauce and it came out exactly as I wanted it and the spaghetti noodles were just right . Both the girls ate plenty and the funny thing is that Stacy ate more than Jackie this time . After dinner , it still wasn 't too close to bed time , yet Stacy asked if she could get her night gown on , and thus Jackie wanted to also . Shortly afterward I called Grandma , and both of them talked with her , and told her all about their day and dinner . I went up to my " office " and the girls came up with me . I spent about 15 minutes checking my email and Jackie asked to watch some Bugs Bunny . I said sure , but after I read you the story that Stacy asked me to read , earlier . They both sat with me as I read the story and then we watched some Bugs Bunny cartoons , I think three of them . Then it occurred to me that they should be doing this with Jason , so we went down to his room , and that 's what they did , only they did it for more than just three cartoons . I stepped out and left them alone until it was time for bed , and I guess they were satisfied with their time because they were ready and willing to go to bed . It felt like a great night of family bonding and I could see that the three of them were very happy with the evening . Tomorrow we will be heading over to Gracie 's training , at the park , so I 'll have the girls over at the play area while Jason works with Gracie . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Jason and I were contacted by Jennifer Town ( Cpt . U . S . Navy , Ret . ) that Gary Sinise was going to be at Balboa this morning , and wanted to unofficially invite us to come and see him . We decided that it was a good idea , since we hadn 't see Gary in a few months , and it would be a good chance to do a little catching up . The challenge is that I had also planned on going for a nice bike ride this morning - at least 20 miles . Well , the simple solution was that I got up early and took off for my ride and still got back early enough that we could get over to the base , before Gary had to leave ( he had to leave around noon ) . I rode a relatively quick 20 miles , a little over an hour and a half , and got home soaking wet from sweat . It took me about 20 minutes to " cool " down before I jumped into the shower , and that 's when I really cooled down . I turned on the water and stepped right in before the water had a chance to warm up . I stepped right back out a little faster . . . ; - ) Once we got to the base , we found Gary and Jennifer sitting at a table behind the coffee shack in the quad area , so we just went over and sat down with them . They were both happy to see us and we stayed and talked for about 15 - 20 minutes , then Gary had to get going so that he could go visit some of the other guys as well . That was okay , as Jason had to take care of a couple of appointment scheduling issues . When we were all done with that , and done with the visit to Wound Care we received a call , again from Gary , and he had to get going ; and , he wanted to know if we were still around . As it was , I was still putting the dressings on and needed another 10 - 15 minutes , so we simply said our good - bye on the phone . He did ask me to be sure to keep him posted on developments so I promised to send him email updates . After that we went to lunch and then went and saw the movie Lone Ranger . I would have to give it a solid B , and thought that it was entertaining . It was something like a movie remake of an old t . v . show , and it pretty much was . The biggest draw back was that it was over 2 1 / 2 hours long . The biggest plus was that you really did not like the bad guy . Anyway , when we finally got back to the house it was already after 18 : 00 ( 6pm ) and we were both tired , and Jason wanted a shower . On top of that Anthony Netto came by to discuss a couple things with us . Jason had been up for a very long stretch , and he was tired , and I was tired as well . I didn 't even get a long conversation with Linda tonight , because by the time I finally got a chance to sit down and relax and talk with her , it was getting late . She had a busy day with taking the kids to The Jelly Belly Factory , so we were both tired , and just wanted to go to bed . So , with that , I 'm going to sign off and thank you for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I woke up this morning to a quiet house , where Jason and the girls were still asleep . This just means I can take a few moments to brush my teeth and start the day . I checked my email and found that I didn 't have much " overnight " email , which was good , and then I went down to check on the rest of the household . The girls were now awake and so was Jason . I got down there and I guess Stacy heard me coming because she was calling for " Grandpa " before I got to the room She wanted to let me know that Jackie was making noise and it woke her up . I told her that it was okay this time , since it was time to get up now anyway . I got the girls up and then got Jason some breakfast . I fed the girls breakfast and finished getting them dressed and ready for the day . I was particularly pleased that Jason got himself ready , and that other than bringing him breakfast , I really didn 't do much else . We loaded up into the van and then went over to the Naval Base to drop the girls over at the day care and get Jason over to his first meeting . He actually had a couple of things that needed to be taken care of , one of them being with the VA , and then we were going to be headed back to the house . I had my appointment , and it was over at noon , which was to coincide with Jason 's schedule , but then he found out that there was a " town hall " meeting he was supposed to attend . It was to be a final meeting for the departing base commander , while at the same time an introduction to the new hospital command . There is two different command structures and they simply have to work together and resolve issues together . After the meeting we finally got back to the house where Jason took a shower and I changed his dressings . We really didn 't need to eat lunch since the town hall meeting had sandwiches for everyone . Jason spent the rest of the day in bed and spent some time with his video games , as well as sleeping . I relaxed in the front room and cleaned up a couple of things , as well as fixed dinner ( it was easy since all I had to do was re - heat the soupPosted by Wow ! What a day . It started off with me getting up at about 05 : 40 and calling Linda , to make sure she was up for her day . I then got started on a couple of errands upstairs , and more specifically , in my bedroom . I then went down to make sure the girls were up and moving , but to my surprise they were already up and in the room with Daddy ( Jason ) ! Well , it was 07 : 30 by now and they were full of energy and life , and I needed to get them breakfast - Jason too . I fixed them some cereal and I am happy to say that Jackie is getting much better at feeding herself , and doesn 't make near the spills she used to make . Stacy has been a pretty clean and tidy eater for some time now . After breakfast I got the girls over to their day care ; and signed them in . Stacy was in her class and Jackie was back in hers , this time . I came back to the house and told Jason that because he really didn 't have a bunch to do today , until after 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) , that I would like to get out on the bike . I hadn 't ridden in about five days , and I needed to get some more miles on the bike and I should be back at the house before noon . I finally did get out of the house and got rolling down the street , and one of the first things I noticed was the head wind . The breeze wasn 't too terribly bad , but it was enough to add a little more " load " on the ride . I ended up going 16 . 5 miles and it felt like it didn 't matter which direction I was going , it was against the wind . I didn 't get back to the house until 12 : 05 , and I knew Jason had two stops prior to going to the VA , for his appointment . I hurried and got cleaned up and we were out the door before 12 : 30 . The VA appointment was good , in that Jason was able to meet with the doctor and they talked about all the injuries he had sustained , and the doctor took down all the information . Then I think the doctor 's curiosity got the better of him and he asked to see the wounds . Good thing I was there , as they didn 't have any medical supplies there , and we didn 't bring any with us . I had to re - use the pads he came in with , and it was like putting a puzzle back together . After that we picked up the girls and came back to the house . We got to the house and the maintenance guy was here , fixing a couple of the things I had asked be checked out . One of the biggies was the faucet in the kitchen sink . The way the handle was set was just within reach for Jason , and I wanted to get it a little closer . On top of that , there was a leak that was causing water to go under the sink , into the cabinet . The new faucet was installed and it is a little easier for Jason to get to , and it doesn 't leak . Jason went straight to work on fixing dinner , as he wanted to make some of his famous soup for the girls . It did take him a while to get everything put together , and except for the spices ( they 're kept on the upper shelves ) he was able to get to everything on his own . It was a very good experience . It also allowed us some time to talk about what kind of house he would like to have , once we get away from the naval hospital , here . The soup was very good , and I probably ate too much , but what the heck , I was hungry . Even the girls ate a fare amount . The rest is in the refrigerator , and we 'll probably eat it for lunch tomorrow . The girls go back to their mom tomorrow , so we won 't see them again until Friday , and then have them through next Tuesday . The schedule may seem a little crazy , but once you get used to it , it actually makes sense . Tomorrow Jason has a couple of appointments at the Naval hospital , along with a couple of his regular PT appointments , and I even have an appointment . I don 't think I 'll be getting a bike ride in , but probably will on Thursday . Thanks , for all the continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . Not a great deal going on today , other than the girls are back with us , at least until Wednesday morning , when we take them to their day care . The communications between Jason and his ex seems to be going much better than it was just a few weeks ago , and I 'm glad to see that . They have a schedule that has it totally outlined as to when the girl are with us , and when they are not , and it seems to be working well . The morning started with Jason going to formation , as he does on Mondays , and today 's ceremony was topped off with the retirement of three other Marines , all from the Wounded Warrior Battalion . One of them was Sgt James Amos , who we met back in the early days of Bethesda . He is a double amputee and more than once , he and Jason would just sit and talk about their lives . I was glad to see him moving on , but I was also saddened by his departure , truly a hero in every sense of the word . After formation we both had meetings to attend to in Building 26 , and then other things to be done over by C5 . We hadn 't planned on the meetings and things to be at that same time , it just worked out that way . So much so that as I walked out of the building , Jason came out with me and we headed over to C5 together . While there Jason had some of his meds updated and Rx 's filled . I went to pick up some new supplies . After this we went back to the house , mostly to allow Jason to take a shower and clean up , and also a dressing change for the wounds . We went to the store and picked up a few things , mostly fresh vegetables , so that Jason can put together one of his famous soups . We also bought a few other things like milk and eggs , but those are kind of normal purchases . Once we got back to the house I fixed lunch for the two of us , and then I sat down on the couch for about 15 minutes . It was now time to go back and pick up the girls as well as the meds that had been ordered for Jason . They are doing some renovation with the pharmacy , so frequently the time to pick up prescriptions is much longer than what would normally be experienced . I got the meds and went over to pick up the girls and found out that they were in the same room . Jackie spent the day with Stacy and it worked very well for them as well as making it easier for me to pick them up . We went back to the house and then the girls and I walked over to the housing office to get some work orders placed ( a couple of things need repair ) . We got back to the house and I let the girls play while I started to fix dinner . The girls went to bed , with no problems and so I read them a nice long story about Cinderella , and then they went to bed ( and I 'm going to be doing the same in a few minutes ) . Tomorrow should be another easy day , though both of us need to go to the VA to get some information , and check on appointments . The real good news is that I don 't have to get the girls up early , and they can sleep in . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support , and take care and stay positive . Today was kind of a plus day for us , even though Linda had to travel back up to Livermore . The plus was that she wasn 't supposed to be here at all , and should have gone home last night . As it was , when it was time for her to travel to the airport , I got her there late . I consider it all my fault , as I wasn 't watching the time and so we had to go with a next flight option . She did get on that next flight and made it back up to Livermore about 30 minutes later than originally planned . A big THANK YOU , to Kevin for being available , on short notice , to pick her up and bring her back to the house . Otherwise , today was spent being relaxed , and just sitting around talking for the most part , along with eating breakfast , lunch and dinner . Linda had to leave right at lunch time . Jason only got out of bed to take his shower and for me to do the dressing changes , and I think this is probably a good thing , considering the amount of time he had been spending up , over these past few weeks . The wounds are still healing up , though there is some signs that a couple of the smaller ones are exhibiting some expansion , and I 'd rather that not be the case . Tomorrow I will be going in to the base , with Jason , at about 07 : 00 , so he can be a part of the Monday morning formation . After that he has another meeting so I will be heading over to pick up some of the supplies we need , and then probably meet him over at his 9 : 00 appointment . A nice quiet day at the Ross household , where we all got up a little later than usual ( about 07 : 15 ) and nothing planned for the day , other than my needing to be on a conference call with PMI . ( Project Management Institute ) . The conference call lasted for just over four hours and when it was over I spent the time with Linda as she packed for her travel home . While I was on the call she was busy with other things such as getting the last of the laundry all done and cleaning the house the way she likes it to be done . Anyway , we did a few little chores , like hanging pictures and running to the store to pick up a couple of things , then the time was getting to when we needed to head for the airport . Linda did the final touches of her packing of the bags ; I carried them down the stairs to the front door ; and , then she came down just a few moments later . I took the bags out to the car and placed them in the back of the van . I walked back in to the house and was standing in the kitchen , ready to walk back out to the van so we could leave ; after all , it was 18 : 00 ( 6pm ) and her flight was to leave at 19 : 35 ( 7 : 35pm ) . That 's when I got that phone call - it was Southwest , so I put it on speaker so Linda could hear . The flight had been cancelled and she needed to call them to find out when the next available flight would be leaving . As it turned out the next available flight ( that she would accept ) was at 12 : 30pm tomorrow afternoon . This was actually very good news for us , and Jason asked us if we wanted to go out to dinner - his treat ! Linda gets to sleep with me again tonight ( and me with her ) , so we end up with another night together . Tomorrow , obviously will be a run to the airport , then generally a relaxed day . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers , and take care and stay positive . Linda had a pretty good experience , even though she accidentally hit a switch under the dash that shuts off the ramp extender . It took a little bit to find the reset button , and everything went back to normal . The real positive is that now she knows about the switch and reset button , so that if it should happen again it won 't be any problem at all . She and Jason got back to the house a little after I did , and my ride was very good as a solid training ride . I went out to Cabrillo National Park and then road up to the light house . On the way back down I rode past the street where I would turn back to go to the house and continued on to Sea World , and beyond , then finally turned back around and went back to the house . What was particularly good about this ride was that I didn 't have to stop to break until I was up at Cabrillo Park , and then a second break at about the 22 mile mark . Neither break went more than 3 minutes , and I had plenty of Gatorade and water to get me all the way . Finally , after Jason 's shower , that he took when we were all back home , we all laid down for a little rest . Oh , and we did have a quick lunch in there as well . We all dressed up and left the house at about 18 : 15 ( 6 : 15pm ) and that was a little later than I wanted , but I thought what the heck we have plenty of time ( I know , famous last words ) . We got out on the road and at about Carlsbad the traffic slowed , got slower still and finally almost stopped . I didn 't start to worry about it , until we had lost almost 20 minutes and I knew we were going to be late . As it turned out , we kind of crawled along for about 10 miles and then the traffic started to loosen up . Shortly there after we were moving at full speed again and we did , in fact , make it before the dinner started . Once we were there I recognized a few people that we met last year , at this same event and then ran into Nick Popaditch ( author of " Once A Marine " - good book to understanding the mindset of a career Marine ) . He came over and met Jason and Linda and we had a couple of pictures taken . Shortly after that we had our picture taken with Ronald Regan 's son , Michael and Lt . Col . Oliver North . At this point it was time for us to go in and have dinner . While all this is going on , Bob Hamer , our benefactor for tonight 's dinner and invitation , is bringing us our name tags and making sure we 're alright . Dinner was excellent , and we got to sit with Kelly Carlson ( TV : Nip / Tuck and the movie " Marine " ) and her boy friend ( who happens to be Navy - go figure ) . I only knew of her because Jason had told me she had come to visit him once in Bethesda , and Linda didn 't remember who she was either . She is a friend of both Bob Hamer and Gary Sinise . Anyway , it was a great evening until Jason started to feel uncomfortable and we had to leave . We did get to stay long enough to see Bob receive an award of recognition , and a couple of short talks . Fortunately the drive home was relatively quick and without incident . Today , Jason decided that he would rather just stay in bed for most of the day . We got him breakfast and made sure that things were well within his reach , then Linda and I took off to be tourists again . It was for a matter of a few hours , and it was another opportunity to allow Jason to be " on his own " for a little while , and all worked well . What we did was we went on a tour of the San Diego and Coronado Island area , and it gave me a chance to learn a little more about the history of this place . We came back home at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) , and Jason wanted to get a shower in , as well as to have his dressings changed . Not much else for this evening other than Linda doing some packing and organizing , and checking in her flight . . . yes , she is flying home tomorrow . We are going to miss her , and hope to be able to get her back here sooner rather than later . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support and take care and stay positive . This was one of those early mornings , where we didn 't have to get going early . . . i . e . the girls simply got up early today and we didn 't need to leave the house until almost 08 : 45 . That made it kind of a fun and crazy morning , with Grandma ( Linda ) and I working on getting the girls all ready and their hair looking great . Actually , I 've been taking advantage of Linda being here so that she can teach me a few things about how to fix a little girl 's hair , and when she takes off in a few days I should still be able to at least make them presentable . We got the girls to their day care and then Jason over to his appointments and then we came back to the house . Jason said he wanted to head out to lunch and Linda said how about Olive Garden . Me , I was just hungry since all I had was toast for breakfast . . . and a cup of herbal tea . We got to the Olive Garden and the food was good , as was the service , though it wasn 't anything out of the ordinary , as we kind of expect that with this particular restaurant . We really didn 't do much for the rest of the day , other than to pick up some clothes from the cleaners and just laid around the house . Tomorrow we 're going to a special dinner , with Bob Hamer , and we needed the clothes from the cleaners so that Jason could be in his Tux ( I don 't have a tux , but I do have a nice suit and Linda has a nice dress ) . I might be able to get some pictures from the dinner , but that still remains to be seen . Heck , I still need to post the pictures of the girls from the carousel , from the other day . Tonight we had a mish - mash of different things for dinner , and realized we ned to go to the store tomorrow , if we can , and restock the place . Linda will be taking Jason to his appointment tomorrow and I will be going for a long ride - possibly 30 + miles , and I want to see if I can get it all done in about 3 hours . If that works then I 'll feel much better about being ready for the up coming ride . Still looking for sponsors , so please go to the web site for the eodride ( www . eodride . org ) and select the San Diego ride . You should be able to find my name under the Riders and then you just have to click on my name and follow the directions . Anyway , that 's about it for today , so thank you for the continued support and prayers and take care and have a great day . Today started out very early , with Jason needing to be at a " class " for those who are starting the medical review boards . Jason has just recently started that , so he is obligated to take this training . The interesting part is that it is typically an all day session , meaning about nine hours , and Jason can not remain up in his chair for more than five hours at a time . Going more than four hours begins to cause him a great deal of dis - comfort and going over five there will be damage . What they have had to do is split the class in to two sessions and the first one is today with the next one happening next week . We had to get the girls up early as well , since we wanted to get them over to the day care and then Linda and I were going to get to spend the morning , or at least most of it , together . What actually happened wasn 't quite what we expected , but then it usually doesn 't happen the way we expect anyway . We did get the girls over to their day care , right after dropping Jason off . Then we decided to go off to breakfast , with just the two of us , at the Broken Yoke . We got into the restaurant without any kind of wait , and ordered out breakfasts . Linda was feeling a little out of sorts , since she had to get up early today , but we figured it was just a matter of needing to get things going with breakfast . Everything was good , until they brought my breakfast . I ordered the home fries , and noticed that the potatoes were bad , and had large black spots all through them . I called the manager over and showed him and he was thoroughly embarrassed . They did their best to fix the situation and apologized several times and then Linda began to get a bad headache . Over the coarse of about 15 minutes the headache went from bad to worse . We finally left with most of our breakfasts in boxes ( they discounted for the potatoes , but no comp ) , and I brought Linda back home . She had a full blown migraine by the time we walked back into the house . She laid down and remained that way for most of the rest of the day . I did what I could to make her feel better , but she wanted to have a quiet and dark room . While she was " resting " I decided to take off for a bike ride and road out to Cabrillo again , and it was a nice ride . I actually stopped and talked with the Park Ranger for a few minutes as he said he recognized me from my previous visits ( I guess I 'm riding out there often enough now that they are starting to recognize me ) . I bought a 1 - week access to the park ( bikes even have to pay for entry ) , so that I can come back again , and road into the park , and around for a little bit . I knew I needed to get back to the house so I didn 't ride around too much . The total ride was about 16 . 5 miles , and I was pretty sweaty by the time I got back home . When I did get home I saw the clock and it said 11 : 12 , and I knew I needed to be back at Balboa by 11 : 30 to pick up Jason . I came in the house and Linda was asleep . I did my best to not disturb her , and just grabbed a clean shirt and took off to go get Jason . I drove on to the base and went to C5 parking , where I usually go , and then called him to see where he was . He was over at building 26 , waiting for me . I ended up picking him up at about 11 : 32 , so I wasn 't too late , and we headed on back home . This is where he took a shower and I did a dressing change for him . Afterward I took a shower and felt much better . The rest of the day was me going to pick up the girls from day care , at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and coming back home . I took them over to the big park , after we had gotten back to the house , and they practically ran the entire way there . We only stayed for about 30 minutes , as there weren 't any other kids there and they were hoping to have others to play with . We went on back home and finished watching Tangled ( started it last night ) , and Jason ordered a pizza ( he isn 't in the mood for pizza very often , so when he is it usually works for all of us ) . He ordered a Hawaiian style for the girls , since they seem to like pineapple on their pizza , and then another one for him and I . A little while latter I was upstairs , giving the girls a bath . About this time Linda got up and she wanted to come out and spend some time with the girls . She will be flying home this weekend and wanted spend some time with them , since this is their last night with us , while Linda is here . She sort of took over , once I got them out of the water and down stairs , and that was okay with me , since I needed to run over to the store ( The girls drank the last of the milk with their pizza , and I wanted to be sure we had some in the morning . ) . I came home and told the girls good night , and then Linda and I sat down in the living room for about 30 minutes and just talked . We also killed a small bottle of wine , and then came back up to go to bed , and me finish this blog . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I am actually quite tired right now , so please forgive any type - o 's and other errors . Good day for the family , and for Jason in particular . He had a great morning with Physical Therapy ( PT ) and before that his morning formation was over in a matter of less than 20 minutes . After PT he did mention to me that he was a little soar in a couple of places where Dawn was working his shoulders , but that wouldn 't be the first time that has happened . We did get to go see Pacific Rim , and it was an entertaining movie , though I am glad we went to the matinee and that we didn 't have to pay full price for it . I got the impression that the people who put it together wanted to put something together that was a bit like Godzilla meets War of The Worlds , and there were some interesting turns with it . Overall I 'd give it a B - , though I did enjoy the characters Ron Perlman played and the crazy professors , and that 's all I 'll say about that . Tomorrow is going to be another early day , and Jason is going to be heading in very early for some classes he is required to attend . The class is actually an all - day type class and they have modified it so that he can take half tomorrow and the other half next week ( at least I think that 's the schedule ) . The girls will be going to day care and that will mean that Linda and I will be able to have the morning to ourselves , after we drop everyone off . That 's about it for now , though I 'm sure I could write more . I need to post some of the photos from the carousel rides yesterday , but I 'm tired and I don 't want to accidentally goof on something . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers - Take care and stay positive . First it began with my system running slow , so I did some work on cleaning up the buffers , cache , temp files , defragging the hard drive and when I was done the system seemed to be functioning much better . . . for a little while . As I sat down to do a little catch up with my email , and then the blog ( my normal routine at the end of the day ) I noticed the battery was low and not charging . I was concerned with this and started to look at the cables and then it all just quit , with a black screen . My first thought was that something was wrong with the system in general and that I had done something wrong with my clean up effort , and was concerned that I was going to have to possibly get a new system . This was not very appealing to me , as that means spending money we don 't have . In the morning I did a quick bike ride ( too early for anyone to be open ) and then headed over to Best Buy , since they hold the warranty on the system , and I knew they would be able to do at least some checking on why it wasn 't running . As it turned out they just hooked it up to another , known good power supply , and the system came back to life . That told us that the power supply was shot and that all I needed to do was replace that . Much cheaper than buying a whole new system . As it turned out , it only cost me about $ 65 . and the system is running just fine . Okay , otherwise , Saturday ( yesterday ) started out with a really long bike ride , over some hilly terrain and my legs got a great work out . I remember going out a few months back and seeing this hill and thinking to myself that I didn 't want to have to ever ride that one . Not only did I ride that hill , I road another one that was just as challenging , and I did it without having to stop . I felt pretty good after that ride , though I did need a little extra time to recover . When I got back to the house everyone was up and moving and we had a generally pretty good day . There were the normal activities and things like showers and dressing changes - by the way , the wounds are looking much better , and I am hopeful that a couple of the areas are going to be closing up soon . This would be very good . The girls have been having a great time and playing with each other , as well as with Daddy ( Jason ) , and Grandma and Grandpa . As it was , today was very similar to yesterday , except for some other activities , and a repair that happened today on my laptop . . . ; - ) One of the biggest differences for today was that after dinner tonight we took the girls to the carousel , over at the Sea Port Village , and they had a great time . Jason watched them as they rode the ride three times , and would have ridden more if it hadn 't been time to get back to the house , so they could go to bed . We rode back to the house , and even after we got back to the house , both the girls were still excited about riding the horses and other carousel animals . I think we 'll have to go back there again . Jason is still making some significant progress with his meds , and that he is getting away from some of the pain medications , and that is a great thing . The fear is that the doctors will prescribe the same stuff again , after he has some surgery that is coming up . I know that is one of the concerns he has . He wants to get away from the medications as soon as he can so that he can give his kidneys a bit of a rest , even though there are no signs of any problems . Tomorrow we have to get going early , as Jason has a 07 : 30 formation , so the two of us will go in the morning , and Linda will remain with the girls , back at the house . We will be leaving at about 07 : 00 , and then coming back to pick them up later , so that they can get to day care . It works good for Linda that way too , so we 're all happy . This has been a long post , so I really appreciate your taking the time to read the whole thing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . . . Jason had an appointment with the VA , and that was over in a matter of a couple of hours , and the Marines did the transporting to and back to the house , for us as Linda 's Mom and Dad spent the rest of the day with Jason . It allowed Linda and I to had a nice day together , and we simply did whatever we wanted to do . Linda 's parents ( Joe and Jessie ) had to take off this morning , and they will be continuing their trek around California , visiting with family . They are the head of a very large family , and do an amazing job of staying in touch with as many of the family as they can . It was both an honor and pleasure to have them stay with us , for the week ( okay , almost a week ) . The only down side for yesterday came later in the evening , shortly after Linda and I returned home . We left Sea World and got home at about 19 : 00 ( 7pm ) and had just sat down with everyone when a knock came to the door . It was the San Diego Police - they wanted to talk to me ! Apparently a report had been filed ( I won 't mention by whom ) that I had " slapped " Stacy , while giving them a bath . I told them that it was not true , as I hadn 't ever slapped either of the girls . I then asked when was this supposed to have happened , and they said just a few days ago . Again , this was interesting since I hadn 't given the girls a bath since about the middle of last month . Linda has been doing the honor . They finished with me and then spoke with Linda , for about the same time , and again in private . When they were done they apologized for bothering us , but that they had to look into accusations , such as this , and we told them that no apology was needed , as they were only doing their job . To say the least , I was upset and so was Linda . Perhaps it was better that I hadn 't written anything last night , as I might have said something that wasn 't appropriate . As it was , Jason had received a text message and in it , it says that it was Jackie and not Stacy , so that just made it that much more interesting . I told Jason that we just needed to stay on the high road and not to let these kinds of things bring us down . He was bothered that it happened but wasn 't angry , and when we picked up the girls today they were excited to see us , and that is what really matters . Jason had a formation this morning and we took care of some open issues with his schedule . I picked up some supplies and then we went back to the house . We picked up Linda ( she had stayed back with her Mom and Dad ) and we went off to lunch . We then went over to pick up the girls , who were just getting up from their nap , and we came back to the house . The girls were happy to be here and were having a great time , then I said I needed to head over to the store to pick up a couple of things . As it turned out , Jason stayed at the house and the rest of us all went . It was an adventure for the girls and they again , had a great time . The rest of the evening was spent with dinner ; giving the girls a bath ( again , it was Linda ) ; and I helped Jason with his shower and dressing change . The girls went to bed and I came up to work on my email and get this blog put together . It has been a good day . Tomorrow Jason and I will be heading off to take Gracie to her training lesson ( maybe I should say Jason and Gracie 's training lesson ) , and then back to the house . If I can get up early enough I will go for a bike ride , and see if I can get in more than 20 miles , before we go . I believe we had a good day today , and tomorrow is going to be just as good , or maybe better . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Jason and I started out with an early meeting at building 26 , and immediately after I dropped him off for that I had to drop the girls off at day care . They spent the past two days with us and will spend the next two days at their mother 's place , then on Friday they are back with us for five days . The schedule is a little confusing at first , but once you get it , it seems pretty easy . Anyway , they are spending half the time with Dad and the other half with Mom . Anyway , when Jason was done with his " administrative " stuff , he had to get over to the VA for his next appointment there . This proved a bit of a challenge , as I also had an appointment , but mine was not at this location , so I had to drop him off , and then come back to pick him up , about an hour later . The appointment itself , for either of us , wasn 't bad and is just another in line for all the appointments we have to take care of . The real challenge was making sure I wasn 't delayed any longer than I needed to be . When the appointments were over we came back home . Actually , we needed to stop for gas , as the van was running on fumes , and we felt it was probably a good idea to put more fuel in the tank . . . ; - ) We got back to the house and Jason took a shower , the dressings were changed out and we had lunch ( we both had soup ) . He laid back and got involved with his video game , and did some on - line gaming , and I went up to my computer and did some catch up on my email . I really do try to keep on top of the email , and sometimes it can really be a challenge . Especially now with the VA appointments and the regular appointments , plus all those administrative type appointments seeming to come right on top of each other . It can make for a full day of activity - then we need to take care of things at the house ! Linda and her parents decided to do a little more touristy kind of stuff and spent the better part of the day on a tour of the city . It was an organized tour that allowed them to see and learn more about San Diego . It was a great opportunity for all of them , plus it gave them some time just to be together , and I can appreciate that . Jason and I were happy to be relaxing at the house . Tomorrow Linda and I will be playing the tourists and going to Sea World . We are going to spend most of the day together , after I get back from my bike ride . Yep , I plan on a bike ride , early in the morning . I 'll probably do a little more than an hour , and then call it quits . I need to have the energy for the walking around . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . I am going to apologize to begin with , as this is going to be a very short post - I 'm tired . It has been a very busy day with trips to the base and some initial VA trips for Jason , and his initial exams . This is the way it is going to be for a number of weeks and some days it is going to be a bit on the crazy side . Funny thing is that as new surgeries come the VA stuff has to get restarted , each time . Not sure why they want him to go through all this right now , but that 's the directive we 've been given . This is one of those , " Ours is not to reason why , ours is but to do . . . " Tomorrow we 'll be doing more . My birthday was quite nice and I had a bunch of wonderful family members here to help me celebrate . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today we did a couple of things a little different , and it turned out to be a pretty exciting day , with lots of fun and not too much additional stress . The day started with all of us getting up to go to the Charlie Linville retirement ceremony , and it was something that none of us had seen before . Charlie was a gracious as ever and made the comment that in his entire Marine career he had never had other Marines stand at attention for him , for any kind of presentation . He figured that this was okay , since it would also be the last time he had asked anyone to do it . Reality is that all of the guys there were happy to be able to be a part of the ceremony and recognized the importance of the event for Charlie . After that there were a couple of other things that Jason needed to get done at the base , and with other appointments , and I had to take off for my appointments at the VA . Fortunately , Linda is authorized to drive the Rollex Van for Jason , so I took the other vehicle and went to the VA , while Linda , and her parents stayed with Jason at the hospital , in Balboa . As it turned out it was the right thing to do , because both of us finished with the appointment at about the same time and got back to the house at about the same time . It was now lunch so we had a quick lunch and a couple of them took a nap . I had another errand to take care of , and when I was done we went to go pick up the girls from day care . The plan now was to get over to one of the tours of the San Diego Bay , and take the girls with us . It is a tour that lasts for about two hours , and when we were done we were going to have some dinner . The timing was excellent , as we finished the tour ; Linda made a quick dinner for all of us ; there was a bit of a clean up ; and then I went and told them a story before bed . Linda follows me with a couple of songs they like to sing and then we sat up a couple more hours with all the adults , and just enjoyed each other 's company . By now Jason had gone to sleep , and so we didn 't ( or at least tried to avoid ) bothering him . Tomorrow are a couple of appointments , with one of them being with the VA , and the other at Balboa . The tough part is that I 'm not getting my rides in , so I 'm not building any of the riding strength that I wanted . Oh well , I am doing pretty good right now , so perhaps I won 't loose too much . Thanks , for all the continued support and all the prayers . We got up early today and I fixed a nice pancake breakfast with eggs . I ended up making a few more pancakes than needed , but that 's okay , we can save them for later - I think . Linda 's parents are going to be here with us for almost a week , so we can have some good times with them , and the girls will get a chance to see their great grandparents for a couple of days . We didn 't do too much other than to go to Charlie Linville 's going away lunch at the Bol Weevill . It was nice , and Bob Hamer was the one who organized it . There were a few other EOD Wounded Warriors there , so it was a nice social time for Jason , as well as a chance to do some catching up with the Linville family . The official " retirement " ceremony will take place tomorrow morning at the base , and we will be there too . I have posted a couple of pictures with this blog - Charlie is the tall one and Bob is the one on Jason 's right . There are some appointments we need to take care of , and then we 'll head on back home - right after we pick up the girls from day care . We have a couple of activities we want to do with them , and with Linda 's parents , so we are going to be tourists , at least for a few hours , and it should be fun . Maybe I 'll get some additional photos posted tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers , and take care and stay positive . Today started with a nice bike ride of 16 + miles over some unfamiliar terrain and with plenty of hills . Well , the first part of the ride was familiar , as I am getting to know the first 3 to 4 miles of area around the house , pretty well now . I enjoy exploring new areas , and it is like a way to help me stay focused on the ride and I don 't seem to get as tired . The funny thing is that at about 5 miles out I realized that I had forgotten to take my backpack , and I always bring that along . It has all my emergency stuff like spare tubes and a little bit of food to keep my energy up . I decided that I would continue on with the ride and then remembered that I also left my cell phone in the backpack , so if something were to go wrong I wouldn 't have a way to call home , and I didn 't even have my wallet or any ID with me . Again , this made me a little nervous but I did so want to get in at least 15 miles today , and when I got going , stretching that out to the 16 mile mark wasn 't too hard . I got back to the house is just over an hour , and Jason and Linda had already taken the girls over to their mom 's place . We had a few things to take care of , like Jason wanted to get his shower in and the dressings changed ; and , on top of that I had committed to Linda that I would clean the floors . It all worked out as just as I was finishing up the floors ( they needed a good scrubbing ) we were contacted by Anthony N . to join him and Angelica for lunch . After I took my shower we all piled into the van and went to have lunch with Anthony . A short while after lunch we were back at home ( Anthony and Angelica came also ) relaxing and talking about all sorts of stuff . It was a nice social time and then a phone call came in stating that Linda 's Mom and Dad were going to be here in just a few minutes - literally . What was nice about that was that Anthony had not yet had a chance to meet them , and both are important people in Jason 's life , and it was important to him . Anthony and Angelica left a short while after Linda 's parents arrived , and so now it was some family news and catching up that took place . We decided to go out to dinner tonight , though Jason decided to stay back live on leftovers . He was tired and needed the rest and I was okay with that . Dinner was nice and we came back home , and now I 'm finishing up the blog . We 'll probably do a little more socializing and then go to bed . I haven 't decided if I am going to be going for a ride in the morning , but it is likely that it won 't happen . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Not much to write about today , other than to say it was a day similar to yesterday . The main differences are that we didn 't have celebratory fireworks today , and today we went to get pictures taken of Jason and the girls ( and Gracie ) . The pictures came out very nice and Linda bought a few of them , though the most important item was the CD that we were given afterward . The photographer we had was excellent , in that he knows how to work with children , especially the young ones who have short attention spans . He was able to get them to focus long enough to get their pictures taken , and also able to get them to smile when needed . The rest of the day was spent here at the house and we all just enjoyed each other 's company . Tomorrow the girls will be going back to their mother , and the timing is kind of unfortunate as Linda 's parents will be coming in tomorrow night sometime . On the bright side is that they will be visiting long enough that they will be able to see the girls and that will be good for everyone . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Good day for resting , and Jason took advantage of it . Other than getting up to go pick up the girls this morning and taking Gracie out to the backyard he stayed down , and I was happy about it . I know the wounds are looking better , and I 'd like for that to continue . The progress is good so I am allowing myself to be a little optimistic about future developments , and will continue to be that way as long as I can . Tomorrow we will be heading out to the Picture People , to take a few more pictures of the girls with Jason , and we hope we can continue to do this every 6 months or so ; at least annually . They have grown so much this past year , and now we 're getting ready for Stacy to go into Kindergarten . . . STARTING SCHOOL ALREADY ! ! As for fireworks and celebrating , it has been a very low key kind of holiday . Jason doesn 't want to be up any more than he has to be , and the girls shouldn 't be out that late anyway . Actually , I think Grandpa wouldn 't be able to stay out that late either . That 's okay , as there will more fireworks in the future and we can have other opportunities for celebrating . I had a great early ride today , and put on more than 26 miles and went up to the top of Mission Gorge . It is a pretty good hill that goes for close to a mile , so it was a good work out . The good part was the trip back down where I hit nearly 38 miles / hour . Not once did I feel concerned about that speed , and at the end of the ride I still felt like I had a reasonable amount of energy . I think I might be able to build up to the October ride , as long as I continue to train . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . A great day for Jason as we were able to finally get the appointment scheduled for him to have the updated MRI and CT Scan on his pelvic area . This is something that we have wanted to get done for several weeks now so we feel like a mile stone has been achieved . The rest of his appointments , today , were good in that he was able to get some needed attention from the right folks , and everything was done by 10 : 30 and we were able to head back to the house . With today being July 3 , the day prior to a National Holiday , and the fact that we 're living in the middle of a military area , we find that people are anxious to get out and start their holiday as early as possible . This had an impact on my bike ride today . I think I may have gone as far as 2 . 5 miles and did not like the traffic one little bit . I am going to be getting out early tomorrow and go for a long ride , and see if I can get in 25 + miles , as I continue to build on my endurance . Still looking for more sponsors , too so feel free to check out the page at www . eodride . org / sponsor - a - rider then select the San Diego ride . A list will come up and you just need to find my name and click on it to begin the process . Any amount helps so please consider it . The girls will be coming back to the house tomorrow , at about 10 : 00 , so I might be out on my ride still , when they arrive . The schedule for when they are to be here has finally been agreed upon , again , so we are once again back to what we had started with . I know Jason is happy that this is finally done , as it was beginning to become a bit of a headache for all of us . Funny what a little type - o can do . We had a nice day today , with Jason taking care of his appointments , and me taking care of mine ( I went to the VA to get some lab work done and set up a follow up appointment ) . Linda was along and had a chance to speak with some of the staff there , and along with that there was a special event going on in the quad where there was a celebration of the different cultures that make up the military family . The three she enjoyed the most were the dancers from the Islands , Philippines , and India - though I guess Philippines are probably considered part of the Islands , also . Then there were these two Nay Chiefs that left a heck of an impression on her , for their singing talent , so all - in - all she had a great time . While she was doing that Jason and I were in talking with Plastics and Primary Care . The good things that came out of those conversations is that we think there is going to be some movement on getting a new model developed and built of his pelvic area , as well as some of the other issues such as vascular structure . This is the stuff that is needed if the doctors are going to be able to get in to do any more work to help close up the wounds and make it possible for him to stay up , in a sitting position , with less pain and discomfort . There are possible other repercussions associated with this , such as how the timing could impact the rest of the year and all the things he would like to see happen . Tomorrow is going to be a mild day , since it is the day for the National Holiday . We need to be at the Flag Poll at 07 : 30 , so I am going to need to get to bed here , real quick . Actually , I think everyone else is already asleep . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support and take care and stay positive . Today started early , with a trip to the base , so that Jason could make the 07 : 30 formation , and while he was getting ready for that Grandma and Grandpa took the girls to their day care . We won 't have the girls for the next two days , or at least that is the current schedule . We have had them for several days now and it has been a great deal of fun . They are growing so fast and showing us that they are learning so much . Having said that we 're looking forward to getting Stacy into kindergarten , this coming school year and thus the beginning of her " formal " elementary education will begin . After we dropped off the girls we went back over to building 26 , where the formation was , and took care of a couple of paperwork issues . We also spent a little time visiting with some friends and basically having a good time , while we waited for Jason to finish up all the stuff he was doing . We then headed off to breakfast , or I should say to their breakfast . I wasn 't going to have breakfast because I had an appointment with the VA . That was okay , as I wanted to get this appointment going and I knew I had to fast so they could do the lab work . Well , as we drove down the road my phone rang and it was the VA . They called to let me know that the appointment had been postponed because I hadn 't gone in last week to get the lab work done . I told them I wasn 't aware that I needed to go in a week earlier , and that last time I wasn 't required to . Anyway , to make a long story short , I am now rescheduled to go next week and I have to get over to their office tomorrow to have the lab work started . Because of this I got to eat breakfast , so I considered it a positive out come . After we got back home from breakfast we all got busy with a few things , including the wound care and a shower for Jason ; and , by 10 : 00 I was ready to take off for a ride . I finally got out of the house at about 10 : 25 and returned at about 12 : 45 . I went for almost 25 miles and felt pretty good . I was also pleased that I could get in a decent ride all within a comfortable distance of the house . Jason had said he was interested in going to the movies , and see World War Z , so we went to the 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) showing . It was an interesting moving , and perhaps because of the poor reviews I wasn 't expecting too much of a movie . I thought it could have done more to build the story and the characters , but then it would have been a very long movie . We enjoyed watching , and it was entertaining . While Jason and I were at the movie , Linda stayed home working on a project of organizing Jason 's dvds . She also watched a few movies along the way and she said she had a great time . The organized dvds look good too . Tomorrow should be another good day for Jason , as he has a couple appointments , and they don 't start until a little later in the morning . Once I drop Jason and Linda off at the base I will be headed over to the VA to get the lab work started . After that I 'll head back to the base and catch up to them ( at least that is my hope ) , and then we 'll head back to the house . I 'll be working on the yard a little later in the day , and doing some clean up there . Linda will probably be finishing up the dvds and Jason will we working through some of his paper work and playing some video games ( as well as napping ) . Thank you , all for all the continued prayers and support - Take care and stay positive . |
This is the story of Buddy , a shelter dog who was deemed " aggressive and vicious " and " unadoptable " by the powers - that - be at the Devore Animal Shelter , and the battle that ensued to save his life . Just because a vet deems a dog " aggressive and vicious " doesn 't mean he 's " unadoptable " . It just means he 's unbalanced and needs someone to get him re - balanced . This is our story of doing just that with Buddy . Enjoy ! I arrived at Claudia 's house at 9 : 15 . She was running late and was totally stressed out . She said she had been trying to get ready but had several interruptions and phone calls . Vikki had called and said she wouldn 't be able to meet us at the Shelter at 10 : 00 as planned as she had things to do that prevented her from doing so , and she 'd meet us at 11 : 00 instead . I looked at Claudia in disbelief and said , " What ? Does she not know what today is ? It was her idea we all meet at 10 : 00 . " Claudia said , " I know . I tried to tell her we all needed to be there at 10 : 00 as planned because Jenifer ( the trainer ) is supposed to meet us there . " We were both very upset at this point as we didn 't need anything happening to prevent us from getting this dog . I could see Claudia was almost sick over this , as I was , so I told her we both had to calm down and take a deep breath . I asked her if she wanted me to call Vikki , and she said , " You can . " I dialed Vikki 's number and she answered . I said , " Vikki , this is Lori . Are you not meeting us at 10 : 00 as planned ? " And she said , " I told Claudia I 'd meet you around 11 : 00 . " I told her , " Vikki , we all agreed to meet at 10 : 00 . They 're not going to release the dog to anybody but you . The trainer is meeting us at 10 : 00 also , so we all need to be there as she has another appointment afterwards . You were the one who told us 10 : 00 , remember ? " Vikki got rather short with me and said , " Well , you 're preventing me from doing what I need to do before I can leave . I 'll be there at 11 : 00 or as close to that as I can . " Click . I hung up the phone and looked at Claudia . I was ready to flip my lid at this point ! So was Claudia . After all we 've gone through , and the person who was supposed to " rescue " the dog from the Shelter for us was going to be late . Great . At this point , Claudia said , " We might as well go ahead and go and hope she 's not too late . I can 't believe this . I told Jenifer to meet us there at 10 : 00 . " I agreed and we both hoped Vikki wouldn 't leave all of us waiting too long . In addition to Jenifer meeting us , Claudia 's Dad was also going to be meeting us at the Shelter . We weren 't there but a couple minutes when Claudia 's Dad ( David ) walked up to our car . He started telling us about the night before , when he came and fed Buddy . He said Captain Brawley ( who we had met the first night we visited the Shelter to see Buddy ) was his escort . As David started feeding Buddy , Captain Brawley kept cautioning him , telling him the dog was vicious and aggressive and he shouldn 't be putting his hands near the bars of his kennel . David said he told him , " We 've been coming and feeding this dog everyday . Look , he 's not aggressive " as he handed him a piece of hotdog through the bars , using his fingers . As always , Buddy gently took the hotdog pieces from his fingers . He said Captain Brawley got a little agitated and told him he shouldn 't be doing that , that the dog could bite him . However , David just continued feeding Buddy the hotdogs he had brought for him . At one point , David told Captain Brawley , " My daughter is coming tomorrow to adopt this dog . A rescue has stepped in and agreed to adopt him for her . " At this time , Captain Brawley said , " That wasn 't cleared through me " and then explained that he had been off sick all week . David explained that it had already been arranged , that we would all be there tomorrow at 10 : 00 . Captain Brawley replied , " Well , I 'm going to have to check into that ! " David said while he was feeding Buddy , he dropped the wrapper from the hotdogs , and it started to blow towards Buddy 's kennel . David started to grab it , but Captain Brawley told him to stay back , that he 'd get it . He raised his stick to knock the paper away from Buddy 's kennel , and Buddy immediately curled his lip , growled , and lunged towards the bars at him . At this time , Captain Brawley said , " See , I told you - - he 's aggressive . " At this time , I told David , " He 's going to growl at anybody who works in this place as they all have that " stench " on them from it . " Both he and Claudia agreed . David said he finished feeding Buddy and sat with him for a little while and then went on home . As we were talking to David , I saw Vikki 's car pull up . I walked over to her car , but she was on her cell phone . After she got off the phone , she came up to Claudia 's car and gave us two contracts , one for Victor and one for Buddy , that we all three had to sign ( Claudia , her Dad , and I ) . The contract for Buddy was the contract releasing the County from any liability regarding the dog . We read them and signed them both . At this time , Vikki went into the Shelter to talk to Greg Beck . After some time , she came out and told Claudia and I , " He said he 's not releasing the dog as long as there 's an audience . " We looked at her and said , " What audience ? " Vikki said Mr . Beck didn 't like the fact that we had brought additional people with us ( Claudia 's Dad ? ) , and as long as we were all in the parking lot , he was not going to release the dog to us . I looked at Claudia and said , " He 's not releasing the dog now or never ? " She said , " I don 't know . " At this time , David said , " Why 's he so concerned about an audience ? What will they be doing that they 're so concerned ? " Claudia and I both agreed that was a good question . A short time later , we saw Jenifer 's car pull into the parking lot . Claudia and I walked over and introduced ourselves . We told Jenifer what Vikki had said , that Greg wasn 't going to release the dog as long as there 's an audience . She said , " Really ? Well , let me go talk to him . " Vikki and Jenifer went into the Shelter and we stayed in the parking lot . After about ten minutes , we saw Jenifer walk towards the kennels and she was by herself . She got to the door leading into the inside kennels , where Buddy was , and I told her he was right inside the door , three kennels down . She looked inside the door , whistled for him , but couldn 't see him from where she was standing . She didn 't go into the area as whoever had opened the door wasn 't supposed to have left it open , but instead proceeded to the other kennels around the corner . She walked around the kennels for a short time and then proceeded back to the lobby area . Jenifer came out of the Shelter and walked over to where Claudia and I were standing . She said Vikki had gotten into a heated conversation with Greg Beck , and she thought it best that she leave until Vikki was finished with her conversation . She waited until Vikki came out of the Shelter and then she went in to talk to Greg by herself . We waited what seemed like forever . Both Claudia and I were stressed and picking at our fingernails at this point . Jenifer finally came out of the Shelter and walked over to Claudia 's car , where we were waiting . She said she had talked to Greg at length about the situation . She had run into some resistance from him at first , as he was a little upset from his previous conversation with Vikki . Basically , she said she told him this is a high - profile case and he can be the " hero " in this situation and turn it around by just delivering the dog as promised . They talked for a while , and Greg told Jenifer he would deliver the dog to her house sometime in the afternoon as he didn 't have a driver available right now to make the delivery . She asked him if he could give her a time frame , and he said no . She asked him , 1 : 00 , 2 : 00 , 3 : 00 , but he still refused to give her a time and said he had no driver right now , that it would 't be until this afternoon sometime . He did tell her he 'd call her when they were leaving the Shelter . Jenifer told us that due to the delay in having Buddy delivered , she would need to cancel her afternoon appointments . She had also been hoping we could get him delivered early enough so we could get him to a groomer for a bath . At this point , that didn 't look likely . There was nothing more we could do , so we all decided to go to our respective homes and wait . We thanked Vikki for all she had done in helping us get Buddy rescued and told David goodbye . Jenifer told us she would call us as soon as she got a call from Greg , indicating they were leaving the Shelter and heading to her house . We told her we 'd be waiting . On the way to Claudia 's house , we stopped and picked up some lunch to go . After we ate , we were sitting and waiting when Jenifer called . I talked to her and she said she was hoping Buddy would be delivered before 3 : 00 so we could get him into the groomer for a bath . She had called her groomer , and they said they normally close at 2 : 00 , but they would stay open later , if we could get the dog to them by 3 : 00 . I told her she might consider calling Greg Beck and telling him that , that it might put some fire under his butt to get the dog delivered earlier rather than later . She said we 'd wait a little while and see . At 2 : 40 , Jenifer called and said , " They just left with Buddy . Hurry up and book it on over here . " Claudia and I drove to Jenifer 's house as quick as we could . Surprisingly , we got there just as the Animal Control truck pulled up . We watched as the Animal Control truck pulled into Jenifer 's driveway , and then we parked out front of Jenifer 's house , a distance away from the truck . Neither one of us wanted to see the dog being removed from the truck or the tactics that might have to be used . We watched from a distance , but from where we sat , all we could see is the right side of the Animal Control truck . Jenifer and the Animal Control officer were on the left side of the truck , out of our view , and Greg Beck was standing near the back of the truck , off a ways , with his arms crossed . We could see Greg but not Jenifer , the officer , or the dog . I told Claudia , " That dog is never coming out of that truck with Greg standing there . He 's got " that scent " on him . We waited for approximately 30 minutes , at which time , Greg Beck walked up to our car and said , " Do you guys have any of that food with you that you 've been feeding him ? " I looked at Greg and said , " No , we didn 't bring any food with us . You want us to go to the store and get some hotdogs ? " He said , " Hold on . I 'll let you know . " And he walked back to where he had been standing near the truck . A few minutes later , I watched as Greg Beck leaned over , patted his thighs with his hands , and said , " Come here , Buddy ! Come here , boy ! " I said to Claudia , " What is he doing ? That dog 's not going to come to him ! What 's he thinking ? " She said , " I don 't know . " I got out of the truck and walked up to the fence , near where Greg had been standing . At this time , he was standing closer to the truck . I said to him , " Hey Greg . Why don 't you step away from the truck . He 's not going to come out of the truck as long as you 're standing near it because you have the shelter smell on you . " Greg looked at me and said , " He 's not coming out anyway . " He then stepped further back away from the truck and said , " But I 'll stand over here in the shade . " I then looked over and saw Jenifer standing with her hand held out at arm 's length , with a leash to Buddy at the end of it . The leash was pulled tight , and she was just standing there , waiting for him to come to her . I asked her if she needed us to go get some hotdogs from the store , and she said , " No . Scared , nervous dogs don 't eat , and he 's scared and nervous right now . " She continued to hold the leash out to Buddy , waiting for him to come to her . I went and sat back in the car with Claudia . I told her what I saw , and we both prayed that Jenifer would be able to get Buddy out of the truck . Please God , just let her get him out of the truck . That 's all we ask at this point . After another fifteen to twenty minutes , we saw Jenifer standing near the front of the truck with the Animal Control officer and Greg . I saw at this time , the officer had taken the come - along out of the truck and she was showing Jenifer how to use the tool . I turned to Claudia and said , " I don 't want to watch this . I can 't stand to see this dog hurt anymore . " She said , " I know " and turned her head to look out her window so she didn 't have to watch what was going on either . After several minutes , I did look up and saw that Jenifer had gotten Buddy removed from the truck and she had him on the come - along . He was fighting frantically and was starting to " alligator roll " , where he rolled over and over onto his belly and then his back . After rolling several times , Jenifer got him to stand up and she led him / pulled him to the kennel that was on her back patio . I looked at Claudia and said , " Thank God ! She got him out of the truck . That 's all we wanted . " We sat and waited for the Animal Control truck to leave . Then Jenifer walked up and asked us to come on back to her back patio area . We got out of the car and followed her . On the way back to her patio , Jenifer told us that she had to use the come - along because Buddy bit right through her nylon leash . She said she didn 't want to have to do that , but she had no choice and had to get the dog out of the truck . She then showed us her hand that was swollen and had several small puncture marks on . She said Buddy had bitten her several times , but he only bit her with his front teeth , not his back teeth . She said he could have really hurt her if he wanted to but was only giving her warning bites . When we got to the back patio , to our right , there was a fenced kennel and Buddy was lying inside of it . Claudia asked if we should go in to see Buddy , and Jenifer said , " Not right now . Just leave him be . " I also noticed there were numerous spots of blood on the ground leading to the kennel . Oh Lord , he must have ripped his mouth open again . : - ( We all three sat down , and Jenifer asked Claudia , " So , what is it you want for this dog ? " At this time , Claudia explained the whole story to Jenifer about Buddy living on the streets , having the officer from the Humane Society capture him and take him to the Shelter , how we fed him every day at the Shelter , etc . We talked at length about the dog , and Jenifer said , " Well , I have to be honest with you . On a scale of 1 - 10 , this dog is probably a 10 as far as the need for rehab . He is the worst case I 've seen . If he were to go to Cesar 's Dog Psychology Center , Cesar would plan on keeping him there for 90 days . " Claudia and I looked at each with other with eyes as big as saucers ! Wow , we had no idea he was that bad . As we sat there talking to Jenifer , I watched Buddy , and it seemed as if the stress was slowly leaving his body . He sat up against the wall of his kennel , just watching us and panting as it was very hot out . He gradually stopped panting , but continued to sit and watch us , which was different than the way he had been at the shelter . While at the Shelter , Buddy didn 't really look at Claudia and I much , not directly anyway . He mainly looked at the food we held out to him or looked at us as we approached and then looked away . And he never sat up against the wall of his kennel and just looked at us as he was doing now . I told Jenifer , " He 's looking better already . He 's looking at us , and he 's never done that for any length of time . Not like he is now . It 's like the life is flowing back into him . " Claudia agreed and said he was looking better , that she could see it too . Jenifer said , " That 's good . I 'm glad to hear that . " At this time , Buddy had stopped panting and was more relaxed . Jenifer said , " You can go in and see him now ? " I said , " Will he be okay with that ? " And Jenifer replied , " Oh yeah . He has good thoughts about you guys . He 'll be fine . " I opened the gate into Buddy 's kennel and slowly walked towards him with my hand held out . I talked to him softly and he sniffed my hand . I was able to walk right up to him and pet him for the first time , with no bars between us . What a relief and a great feeling that was ! I sat down next to him and pet him and talked softly to him . I scratched him behind his ear , and he really liked that . I knew this dog wasn 't aggressive at all times , and he just proved it . If he was aggressive , it was for a reason . I firmly believe that . Plus , you have to remember - - this dog has been in a great deal of pain due to his jaw injury . He had that injury while he was in the Shelter and never received any medical treatment for it . Now , I noticed the injury to his jaw was newly opened and was bleeding badly . It also appeared there was a gaping hole in his jowl area . He really needed medical attention now . I told Jenifer that Buddy 's jaw looked really bad and she agreed that he needed medical attention right away . Claudia asked if there was a mobile vet in the area , and Jenifer said she thought so , but she 'd get the phone book so we could find out . Claudia started looking through the phone book and found one mobile vet . She called the number listed and spoke to someone , but said they weren 't available , nor were they suitable for what we needed . Jenifer then called her vet , Dr . Saldanha of the Arlington Animal Hospital . He indicated he could come out this evening , but it would probably be useless as he wouldn 't have any of his tools necessary to give the aide to the dog that he needed . He suggested we sedate the dog and bring him into his office in the morning . At this time , Claudia went into the kennel and introduced herself to Buddy . He welcomed her as warmly as he welcomed me . There weren 't any tail - wags yet , but he was at least responsive and accepted the affection we gave him . This was a great sign , in both our eyes , as it reinforced our belief that this dog wasn 't vicious and aggressive unless he had a reason for being so . As far as his biting Jenifer while he was in the truck , she had indicated that was out of fear and his being in pain . Nothing more , nothing less . I sat with Buddy for a while and just petted and talked him . I noticed at one point , I turned my hand over and looked at it and it was completely black and my fingernails had dirt under them . I held my hand up so Claudia and Jenifer could see it and said , " You don 't think he 's dirty , do you ? " Actually , you could just feel the dirt in his coat . This poor guy need a bath so bad . I can only imagine how grimy he must have felt . Then again , he was probably used to it and didn 't know any better . Some day soon , he 'd know differently , and I couldn 't wait . It was getting late at this time , and we still needed to get home to our kids and Jenifer still needed to feed hers . We thanked her for everything she did for us and Buddy , and she told us we were most welcome , that everything was going to work out fine . She told me she wanted me to be at her house the next morning , but I was to go to her vet 's office first and get some Acepromazine ( sedative ) from her vet . Then , we 'd tackle the battle of getting Buddy into the car and to the vet . One more hurdle tackled ; one more to go ! It had been a stressful day , but a successful one . Buddy could have his first night out of the Shelter , and he was in a quiet , stress - free environment . Right now , that 's all we could ask for . On the way home , Claudia and I talked about Buddy , and I asked her if she was sure she could afford having Jenifer train him , along with the vet bill that was coming the next day - - that we were probably looking at thousands of dollars . How many thousands , neither of us had any idea yet . Claudia indicated she had some money in savings and she had just paid off her car and some credit card debt . I said , " Claudia , this is going to be a lot of money . You sure you want to do this ? " Her reply to me , with no hesitation , was simply , " It 's for a good cause . " I agreed and only wished I was in the financial position to look at it that way . I 'm glad she was because if she wasn 't , we would have fought this hard to get this dog out of the shelter , only to run into financial obstacles . God bless Claudia for having such a big heart . She was truly Buddy 's guardian angel . Claudia called me at 8 : 00 and said she hoped she hadn 't woke me up . I told her she didn 't . She indicated she had been trying to call me all night but couldn 't as my line was busy . I told her I had gotten online and forgot to plug the phone back in ( I have internet problems right now and can only use the phone line for one or the other but not both ) . She said she had called Vikki at 5 : 00 that morning and woke her up because she was so worried about # 60 . She asked Vikki if she , as a Rescue , could get # 60 out of the Shelter so we could get him medical attention , and she said she could . She agreed to meet us at noon and she 'd get him then because the Shelter doesn 't release dogs to rescues until noon . Claudia and I arrived at the shelter as soon as they opened . We checked in at the front desk and waited for our escort . A young , heavy - set guy came out and asked the clerk what she needed . She replied , " They need an escort to # 88 . " He quickly responded , " Oh , that 's the mean one , isn 't it ? " Claudia and I looked at each other with a " For Pete 's sake ! " look . Seemed everybody was drinking the Kool - aide and believing this dog was extremely vicious and aggressive ! We walked towards Buddy 's kennel and on the way , I noticed that # 60 was lying in his inside kennel . We got to Buddy 's kennel , and he was lying inside , near the bars . We immediately noticed that whoever had cleaned his kennel had done a sloppy job as there was still some feces from the day before near where he was laying . We both looked around at the other kennels and noticed they all were very clean , spotless in fact . . . . . We both also noticed Buddy 's water was filthy , with sediment in the bottom of the pan . It broke our hearts to see him treated in such a manner . We told him , " Just hang in there one more day , Buddy . Just one more day , and we 'll get you out of here as soon as we can . While Claudia fed Buddy , I told her I 'd go feed # 60 . I took some dog food and chicken breast to him and he scarfed down both . I also noticed that his dish was empty , and it was full the night before , so he must have eaten during the night , which was good since he couldn 't get the hot dogs we had thrown to him . I went back to Buddy 's cage and got some more chicken and Claudia asked me if he was eating . I said , " He 's chowing ! He also ate his food they gave him last night . " She said , " That 's good . " I told her he was still far from being full though as he ate all the dog food I had given him and was still eating some chicken . She indicated he probably had worms or something to be able to eat so much . Of course , the whole time I was feeding # 60 , his little body was just a wiggling ! His tail wagged the whole time I fed him , which in turn , wiggled his whole body . In spite of the pain he must have felt , he was still a very happy dog as he sat there and ate and smiled at me the whole time , and wiggled of course ! Claudia 's dad was right . There was no way we could leave this happy little guy there . Every dog should be able to be as happy as he was , at least once in their life ! At one point , Claudia asked our escort if she could take a picture of Buddy . However , he told us , " No . My supervisor wouldn 't like that . I don 't mind myself , but I don 't want to get in any trouble . " Claudia said it was okay , she understood ( She 's so understanding ! If it was me , I would have snapped the picture and not asked . He would have had to tell me that I couldn 't . However , she didn 't want to cause anymore retaliation towards Buddy or have anything happen to get in our way of adopting him , so she asked before taking a photo . She 's sooo nice that way ! This is also why we have no pictures of Buddy while he was at the shelter . ) After we got in the car and drove down the road a short way , Claudia 's phone rang . I answered it as she was driving and it was Vikki . We agreed to meet her at Denny 's and told her we 'd be there in about five minutes or so . We met Vikki in the parking lot and introduced ourselves as this was the first time we had ever met our " hero " ( remember - - she 's the one who saved Buddy from a sure death ) . We told her about # 60 , that he was unable to walk , and we were concerned that they 'd make him walk out to her car . She said she 'd go find out and would be back as soon as she could . We waited about ten , fifteen minutes , and Vikki pulled up with # 60 in the back seat . We were both so excited to see him , we could hardly contain ourselves ! I opened the door to Vikki 's car , and there he sat , just smiling up at us . This dog was always smiling . It was great ! Vikki said he had gotten so excited , he pee 'd in the car . However , she had a blanket on the seat , so she had been prepared . We asked her if they had made him walk out to her , and she said , " No , I asked the officer if she could carry him , and she carried him right out to my car . " We were both relieved to hear that . I picked up # 60 and put him in the back seat of Claudia 's car . We thanked Vikki for all that she had done and what she was still going to do . We told her we 'd see her tomorrow , when we went to sign the paperwork to get Buddy . She was going to meet us at the Shelter , as she was who they were releasing him to . I got in the back seat with # 60 so I could sit next to him and keep an eye on him . At this time , I could see how skinny he was . Every rib showed and his spine was clearly visible . I was surprised how heavy he was though when I had lifted him . He was definitely solid . We headed to the Grand Terrace Emergency Animal Clinic . I was petting # 60 and I noticed a little white " V " on the back of his neck . I told Claudia , " How about if we name him " Victor " . We were victorious in getting him out of the shelter and he has a little " V " on the back of his neck . " She said , " That 's a great idea . I like that ! " So Victor it was . I patted his little head and told him , " We were victorious in getting you , so your name is Victor . " He , of course , wagged his tail , which in turn , wiggled his little body and smiled at me . He seemed to be in total agreement and liked the idea also . Victor was really good in the car . He sat next to me , between the two front seats , and was content with the air conditioning blowing in his face . He sat there the whole time and didn 't try to get up or move around . What a sport ! We got to the Emergency Clinic , and I carried Victor to the lobby area . Claudia checked in at the front desk , and Victor and I went and had a seat . While we were sitting and waiting for Claudia , a lady came in with a female Golden Retriever . The dog was about eight feet away from us . However , Victor immediately stood up and started barking aggressively at the dog ( Oh no ! Not another aggressive , vicious dog ! ) . I pulled him back down by his collar and told him , " No , Victor . No . " After a few seconds of barking and growling , he laid down at my feet and was quiet . Claudia came and sat down and said , " Oh , a little dog aggression , huh ? " I told her , " Well , he 's a little defenseless right now , so that 's normal . He can 't protect himself so he doesn 't want any dogs near his space probably . " She agreed and said , " Oh , I didn 't think of that . " We waited for ten to fifteen minutes , at which time , we were called into an exam room . A vet tech first took Victor to a scale and weighed him . We were shocked to see that he still weighed 46 pounds . The vet tech brought Victor back into the exam room and started checking him out . It was amazing to see the instant bond she formed with the animal and his response to her . She placed Victor 's head up against her chest , rubbed him behind his ears , and told him , " It 's okay , boy . We 're going to fix you right up . " Victor just closed his eyes and pushed his head into her chest as if he knew what she was saying . A short time later , the vet came in and started to examine Victor . He lifted up the skin on his back several times to see if he was dehydrated and then looked at his teeth . He then looked at his paws and said , " They 're ulcerated . " ( Really ? ! ) Claudia explained what had transpired at the shelter and what we had been told about the dog . The vet examined Victor a little further and then said he would need to be taken into the back to have his paws bandaged with antiseptic bandages , given some antibiotics and some pain meds , and we could come back in an hour to pick him up . We thanked him for his time , and he left the room . A short time later , another vet tech came in . She looked in Victor 's ears and told us she 'd have his ears cleaned out while he was there and then went to get a cart to put him on . She came back with a stainless steel cart , and I helped her put Victor on it . However , as soon as she started moving the cart out of the room , Victor got scared and tried to jump off of it . At this time , she said , " I 'll just pick him up . " I said , " Yeah , that might work better . " She then picked Victor up and left the room . We told the front desk we 'd be back in an hour , and we left the clinic . We got into Claudia 's car and we both looked at each other and said , " You hungry ? " Yep , we were both hungry as it was 1 : 30 by now and we hadn 't eaten lunch . We went down the road to the Food Connection and got something to eat . We sat down in a booth , and it was then that we both realized how tired we were as it had been a very stressful week . It felt so good to just sit and do nothing for a while . We finished our lunch and then went back to the Clinic . We checked in at the front desk and let them know we were there to pick up Victor . By this time , it was almost 3 : 00 . I told Claudia , " I don 't think we 're going to have time to go see Buddy later . We have to run Victor home still . There 's no way we can do both . " She agreed that we were running out of time and said she 'd call her Dad and ask him to go as he had offered to earlier if we didn 't have time to . Claudia called her Dad and told him where we were and what we were doing . She asked him if he 'd go feed Buddy , and he said sure , he 'd be glad to . We had to wait about 30 - 45 minutes before they finally brought out Victor . They brought him out on a cart , and his paws were all bandaged , with green bandages on the bottoms . We were instructed to have his bandages changed every two days , and we could bring him back there to have it done or take him to our own vet . They also sent him home with some pain medication and some antibiotics for the infection . We put Victor in the car and he once again was content to lie on the blankets on the back seat , facing forward between the two front seats , with the air blowing in his face . We took him to Claudia 's Dad 's house since he has a separate fenced area in his backyard where the dog could stay while he recovered . I carried Victor to the back yard ( this dog is heavy for being so skinny ! ) and laid him down on a dog bed that Claudia had brought with her . We then put up a small fence and made an enclosed area for him as the vet had instructed us to limit his movement while his feet were healing . We fed him some dog food and of course , he ate it like it was going out of style . We sat with Victor a while and talked to Claudia 's Dad about him . We then said goodbye to him and headed back to Claudia 's house as by this time , it was getting late and we both needed to get home to our kids and feed them . We drove home that night , both greatly relieved that we were able to get Victor out of the Shelter and get him the medical attention he desperately needed . Now if tomorrow would go this smoothly ! One battle down ; one to go . On Saturday , July 25 , 2009 , I arrived at Claudia 's house at about 9 : 30 . She told me , " My Dad is going to adopt # 60 , ( photo above ) and I 'm going to adopt # 90 ! " I said , " What ? Are you kidding ? Your Dad 's going to adopt # 60 ? " And she replied , " Yes , he said we just can 't leave him there , and I kind of bonded with # 90 . He and I established a bond yesterday . I can 't leave him there . " I was like , " Okay , whatever . " Claudia and I arrived at the shelter at 10 : 00 a . m . There was already a line of cars at the gate , waiting to be let into the parking lot . Brenda came out and opened the gate and we proceeded to the parking lot . It was very busy and crowded as we entered the lobby , so Claudia and I walked straight through and went back to Buddy 's kennel . We got to Buddy 's outside kennel to once again find it empty . We went back to the door leading to the inside kennels , but it was again locked . I told Claudia I 'd go to the front desk and get someone to unlock it for us . I went to the front desk and asked for an escort to kennel # 88 . I asked why he was locked in the inside kennel and the clerk at the front counter ( a young Hispanic girl ) responded , " Because he 's not very nice and we don 't want the public putting their hands in his cage . " This is when I responded , " We 've been feeding him every day , sticking our fingers in his cage . " This clerk then responded that she would get the vet tech to escort us , and I told her , " Brenda 's right there " as I saw that she was nearby in the room that holds the cats . The clerk walked towards the back , and at one point , I saw Brenda also walk through the door leading to the back . After several minutes , the clerk came back and said , " I 'm so sorry for the wait . Lieutenant MaGee is going to come up and escort you back . " Lieutenant N . MaGee came out and asked who was here to see # 88 . I walked up and told her I was . Lieutenant MaGee introduced herself and said it was nice to meet me , and I responded in kind . She then escorted us to Buddy 's kennel . Lieutenant MaGee unlocked the door into the inside kennels and we found Buddy inside kennel # 88 . However , we immediately noticed that he appeared deeply depressed again , as his whole demeanor was different than the night before . He was lying against the bars but facing away from us and didn 't immediately turn towards us when we walked up . We leaned down and squatted in front of his cage and talked to him . Claudia said to me , " Look , he 's regressed . " I agreed with her and said he must be depressed being locked inside . We also noticed that his mouth was bleeding again , and we wondered what had happened to him the night before as his mouth was almost healed when we had seen him the previous evening . Now , it was once again swollen and bleeding . We asked Lieutenant MaGee if someone could have been " aggravating " the dog after hours and poking something at him to cause him to bite it and open the injury on his jaw . Since the dog had been deemed " aggressive and vicious " , we were wondering if whoever was feeding him ( nobody was bothering to give him fresh water as his water was dirty with sediment at the bottom of the pan ) was poking something at him to keep him away from them while they entered his kennel , or something to that affect . Lieutenant MaGee right away responded with , " Ain 't nobody messing with that dog . He 's probably chewing on his water bowl at night or something . Some dogs do that . They chew on their bowls or the bars …… . . stuff like that . " At this time , I stood up and noticed that hanging at my eye level was a laminated memo on the outside of Buddy 's kennel . It was a memo from Greg Beck instructing his staff that " This dog is to remain in the inside kennel during the hours the shelter is open for the public . " The memo also stated that " All staff should take precaution when feeding or caring for this animal as he is determined to be " vicious and aggressive " . The memo further stated , " The slider door can be raised after hours so that the dog can have access to the outside kennel . These orders are to remain in effect as long as the dog is housed at this shelter . " The memo was dated June 24 , 2009 . I read the memo and squatted back down by Claudia and told her , " Looks like retaliation tactics to me . They can 't do anything to us , so they retaliate against the dog . No wonder he 's regressing . " She wholeheartedly agreed . Note : We had been able to visit Buddy every day , twice a day on weekends , for the past seven days without having an escort . We checked in at the front desk , told them " We 're here to see # 88 " and we were waived through to go on back to his kennel . Buddy had also been able to enter both his inside and outside kennels since he arrived at the shelter on Thursday , July 16 . It wasn 't until Friday , July 24th , when we were finally given the decision that we could adopt the dog , that different rules were put in place , and we were no longer allowed to see him without an escort and he was locked in his inside kennel , with no access to his outside kennel during public hours . Kind of late to lock a dog away from public access when he 's had free reign up until this point ! While Lieutenant MaGee stood near us , we fed Buddy some hotdogs and chicken . He ate a little of both and then laid his head in the corner of the kennel , as he had done previously when he was depressed . We petted him as best we could and talked to him for a short time . While there , we started talking to Lieutenant MaGee , who had taken a great deal of interest in the Bull Mastiff that was in the kennel opposite Buddy . At one point , she said , " I like big dogs . I got over " cute " a long time ago and it no longer affects me . I can 't have this dog , but I 'm going to have my girlfriend adopt him so I can go see him . " After saying goodbye to Buddy , we walked to kennel # 60 to see the black pit bull housed there . As we got to his kennel , we noticed he was lying in his inside kennel . We coaxed him to the outside kennel , and the dog walked gingerly towards us . It was clearly obvious that he was in extreme pain as he was having difficulty walking . I said to Claudia , " Look at his feet " as his front left foot was obviously swollen and had clear yellowish liquid weeping from open wounds on it . Lieutenant MaGee was still with us , and she started explaining to us that " Pitbulls have skin conditions that make them lick their feet a lot . That 's probably what he 's been doing . " I looked at # 60 's left rear foot and it was also swollen and inflamed with open wounds on it . I proceed to feed # 60 some Pedigree dog food that we had brought with us , and he ate it like he hadn 't eaten in quite some time . He also devoured two hotdogs . I made the comment that # 60 acted like he hasn 't eaten in some time , and Lieutenant MaGee explained that a lot of dogs eat like this because they don 't know when their next meal will be . At this time , Claudia asked Lieutenant MaGee several questions . She inquired about the vet care that the animals get , how long they can stay at the kennel before they are put down , etc . Lieutenant MaGee explained that when all the dogs come into the shelter , they are given a shot , and in a short amount of time , if they have some kind of infection in their system , the shot will make the infection come out and the dog will start showing symptoms of illness . Claudia asked , " How do the officers know the dogs are sick ? " Lieutenant MaGee responded that , " Oh , they look for signs such as redness in their stools , stuff like that . " I immediately asked if the vet had seen this dog , and Lieutenant MaGee said the vet sees all the dogs and examines them . I asked if Buddy had gotten the same shot that # 60 had received , and she explained that " all the dogs get that shot , mean or not . " She said " they just poke him in the butt , but they all got the shot . " At this point in the conversation , Claudia asked how long the dogs were held at the shelter . Lieutenant MaGee then explained that the dogs were in a kennel for three days in order to give the owner a chance to claim them , and then on the fourth day , if no one was interested in adopting them , they were put down . She explained that if the shelter wasn 't full , then some dogs were given more time . She then went on to explain that if no one was interested in adopting # 60 , then he would receive no medical care as they weren 't going to " waste money on a dog that nobody wanted to adopt " . She saw the appalled looks on mine and Claudia 's faces and then said , " Hey , it 's better than it used to be . Things have changed a lot . Back in 1999 , we used to put down 50 dogs a day . I used to walk in in the morning and say , " Come on . Let 's hurry up and get this over with . " She indicated that things weren 't perfect but things had changed . After we both picked our jaws up off the ground , we thanked Lieutenant MaGee for her time and proceeded to the front counter area . Claudia and I stopped at the front counter and asked when # 60 was available for adoption . The young Hispanic clerk told us he would be available for adoption tomorrow , Sunday , July 26th . I advised the clerk that he had injuries to his feet and could hardly walk . She then looked up the vet 's notes in the computer and told us , " The vet has examined the dog and determined that he had probably been thrown from a moving vehicle as his paws and pads were abraded and some of his nails on his feet had been broken off . The vet has indicated the dog would heal on his own and needs no medical attention . " I looked at Claudia and I was appalled and almost sick to my stomach . We couldn 't believe what we were hearing . A dog is thrown from a moving vehicle but needs no medical attention - in whose world ? What kind of vet makes such a determination ? The same one who leaves a dog in his kennel with an obvious open wound to his jaw and says that he doesn 't need medical attention either . We returned to the Shelter at approximately 5 : 15 . We waited for an escort and an officer ( female , blonde , tall , heavy - set ) escorted us to Buddy 's kennel . Upon immediately arriving at Buddy 's kennel , I noted that he had defecated quite heavily in his kennel and the odor was horrendous . I asked the officer if she could put Buddy in the outside kennel while we sprayed the inside of the kennel so we could remove the feces . The officer explained that she does not normally work at this particular shelter and has to abide by the rule that the dog was to stay in the inside kennel . We told her we understood , though we felt bad because the dog was lying in his own urine and if he moved two inches further , he 'd be lying in his own feces . I told Claudia , " Yeah , they want him to be a total mess when we do get him out of here . Stinky , dirty … . yep , they 're making sure of it . They 're not going to make anything easy about this . " While the officer sat down at the end of row of kennels , Claudia and I fed Buddy and he did appear in better spirits at this time . He ate some chicken , hotdogs , and dog food , and then promptly displayed signs of being tired . We scratched his head and ears as best we could , and after a short time , we said goodbye to him . We walked out with the officer and told her we 'd like to visit the dog in kennel # 60 as we were interested in adopting him . We arrived at kennel # 60 , only to find the dog lying in the inside kennel again . Claudia and I tried to coax him into the outside kennel by offering him a hotdog , but try as he might , the dog was clearly unable to stand . We both noted that # 60 's paw pads on his front left foot were red , bleeding , and clearly infected . We directed the officer 's attention to his paws and advised her that the dog could no longer stand . She said she would go inside and tell the front desk the dog needed medical attention . After a short time , she came back out and said , " The vet will be out to see him tomorrow . " I looked at Claudia , and she looked at me , and we both said , " Yeah , right . Vets probably don 't come out on Sunday . " Claudia and I visited # 60 for a little while longer , but he could not come out of his cage . We both watched as he " belly - crawled " over to his water bowl to get some water . At no time did he ever come out of his inside kennel to get the hotdogs we had placed in his outside kennel . We hoped that someone would pick them up and give them to him later , versus washing them down the drain . Since it was now closing time , Claudia and I both walked back to the front desk . I wanted to clarify that the vet would be out the next day , so I asked the same clerk I had talked with earlier if the vet would be out tomorrow . She gave me a strange look , as if to say , " The vet never comes here on Sunday , silly ! " She then shook her head and said , " No , I don 't think the vet will be in tomorrow . " I explained to her that the officer who had escorted us just told us a vet would be out tomorrow to see # 60 . I explained to the clerk that the dog in kennel # 60 could not even stand and had deteriorated since we had seen him earlier . She then said , " Well the vet saw the dog on Thursday . " At this time , I told her , " The dog can 't even walk ! We just watched him have to belly crawl to get to his water . " She replied , " Well , I don 't think the vet comes in on Sunday . " I told her , " This dog can 't wait until Monday to be seen . He can 't even walk and his paws are red and bleeding . " She then replied , " Well , the vet will be in to look at him tomorrow or Monday , but probably Monday . " At this time , we left frustrated , disappointed , and very much worried about # 60 . Not only were his paws now bleeding and he couldn 't stand , but the dog was severely emaciated , as if he had not eaten in quite some time . He was obviously sick with parasites . We both left , sick to our stomachs and feeling quite helpless about the situation . There had to be something we could do for this poor dog . First , the battle to save Buddy . Now , another battle to save this dog . We just hoped we 'd be able to adopt him before he got any worse . He was available the next day , but he 'd also have to be neutered before the Shelter would release him . That couldn 't be done until Monday , at the earliest . We hoped he 'd be able to hang on that long . Posted by Lori Gembella |
Obviously , I haven 't been doing monthly posts for this guy . I 'm a busy lady . I wanted to jump on and note a few things now that he is coming up on four months old , though ! He is his daddy 's son . He has such an incredibly passionate personality . If he 's happy , he is so happy . If he 's mad , he is ticked off , steam coming out of his ears , scream at the top of his lungs mad . But he is funny because as quick as he gets upset , he calms himself down . Kid just knows what he wants ! He is smiling , but not laughing yet . He 's this close though . Seriously , any day . He loves when I " nomnomnom " his little feet . He thinks it is hilarious . He 's almost rolling , too . He hasn 't gone from belly to back yet , but he 's great at getting on his side from his back . He 'll be flipping all the way over soon . He 's at this awesome age where he is right on the verge of so many things . I am savoring every second of him being tiny though . I 'm in no hurry for him to get big . He 's still a bitty little thing . I don 't know how much he weighs , but he still fits in some newborn sleepers . His 0 - 3 month clothes fit , but he won 't be growing out of them any time soon . He 's in size 1 diapers . He eats every few hours , but he mostly just snacks all day . If he takes a full bottle , it is usually 3 or 4 ounces . He 's getting mostly pumped milk with some formula here and there , so he doesn 't need as much . He spits up so , so , so much . He 's on reflux medicine like his brother , so that is helping . He loves his mommy . He 's way more obsessed with me than Nolan was . He is such a snuggler and wants me to hold him all the time . I don 't mind . Nolan was always so independent , so it is nice to have one that just wants to lay his head on my shoulder and hug me all day . He is such a talker . I joke that he will be talking in full sentences before Nolan will . He will hold full conversations with us , complete with awesome facial expressions . He doesn 't know how tiny he is and will yell at us if we aren 't doing what he wants us to . He 's going to be a tough little cookie . It doesn 't even phase him when Nolan comes up and gives him a loving , brotherly smack in the head . He fits so perfectly in our family . I wouldn 't say we 're complete yet , but we 're getting there . His personality fits just right with the rest of ours and I 'm so thankful for him . I love my boys so much ! My experience bringing my second little love into this world couldn 't have been more different than when I had his big brother . Everything with Nolan was so planned . . . so smooth . I 'd been told so many times that it is actually easier with your next child . I expected a scheduled induction , a fast , easy , and painless labor , and an easy recovery . Silly me . Griffin was due on August 11 . He looked great at all of my appointments . Every time I was checked , I wasn 't dilated or anything so I figured I 'd be induced either on or right after my due date . Nolan was so late that I thought for sure I 'd go over with Griff as well . My entire pregnancy was so smooth . My blood pressure was great , I gained just the right amount of weight , and I managed to stay out of the ER for the most part . I think I was just a lot more laid back . I knew he was going to be okay and I didn 't have the freshness of losing Eden in my heart like I did with Nolan . On July 27 , my parents and Chris ' parents threw me a brunch to celebrate the new little guy . I said I didn 't want a huge shower because I 'd just had one a year and a half prior , but I loved that they wanted to show Griff some love . We had some delicious food and got some cute gifts for him . I spent the morning telling friends and family that I couldn 't wait to meet him , but I knew it was going to be a while . I 'd been on leave from work for a few weeks already , just getting stuff done . I was going to spend my last couple of weeks spending some quality time with Nolan and enjoying my " only child . " That 's what I get for making plans ! The next day , July 28 , my family came over to help get some stuff done around the house . We put Nolan 's water table together , changed light bulbs , plugged electric outlets , locked toilets , drawers , and cupboards , attached large furniture to walls so it couldn 't be pulled over , and cleaned . I took it easy for the most part . I pretty much just bossed people around and ate pizza . We went to bed pretty early that night . I was exhausted . It had been such a miserably hot summer and I was always anxious to get into my cool bed at the end of each day . I fell asleep almost instantly . At a little after 3 : 00 in the morning , I woke up suddenly to a huge gush of water . I got up and ran to the bathroom to clean myself up , but it just kept coming . I woke Chris up and told him I was pretty sure my water had broken . I was exactly 38 weeks along . He shot out of bed and asked what we were supposed to do now . I told him I 'd call my mom to come sit with Nolan and we needed to get a bag packed . I hadn 't prepared at all because I thought I still had a couple of weeks . I started throwing clothes for me and Griffin on my bed as I called my mom . I gave up on trying to pack a bag in my frazzled state and snuck in Nolan 's room . I pulled him out of bed and snuggled him for a little while . . . oh , and I cried . I was so sad thinking about how he didn 't know how much his life was going to change . He got ticked off at me for waking him up though so I put him back down . My mom got there about 40 minutes later , and we headed to the hospital with just my purse . I figured I could text her what I needed after I was set up in my room and she could get a bag packed for me . Everyone was so calm when I got to the hospital . They sent me to Labor and Delivery and I fully expected to get sent right to a room . Instead , I had to wait in triage for about an hour . Apparently , I was # 13 to come in that night claiming my water had broke , and 1 - 12 had actually just peed themselves . I wasn 't having contractions , but my water had clearly broken . They finally came in to do the test strip , and it couldn 't have been more obvious that I wasn 't mistaken . They didn 't even let me get off the bed . Instead , they pushed me on the bed to the delivery room . The lady who was pushing me should have her bed driving licence taken away . She ran me into multiple walls , hard . I had to just laugh . By the time I got set up where I was going to meet the little guy , it had been about 2 1 / 2 hours since my water first broke . I still wasn 't feeling any contractions , so they got me hooked up to the monitors to see if they were even happening . They weren 't . Not regularly , anyways . They were concerned because with every small contraction I had , Griffin 's heart rate dropped . They were worried that of they started me on meds to regulate them and kick start my labor , it would stress him out too bad and they 'd end up having to do an emergency c - section . He was hardly moving and just seemed a little too cozy in there . However , he didn 't really have a choice . His fluid was running out . He was coming out one way or another . We decided to wait a little while and see if he became more active and his heart rate picked back up . It wasn 't down far enough that we had to get him out right that second and I really wanted to avoid a c - section if possible , so I was more than fine with that plan . I knew how well my body responded to Pitocin and felt comfortable that if we could get him stable enough to get that flowing , it would be a relatively quick process from there . Chris went to sleep on the couch and I settled in to watch some TV as they pumped me with fluids to hydrate me and try to get little boy moving . After about another hour , my contractions were still inconsistent and not strong at all , but Griffin was a lot more active . I think we just caught him during his sleepy time and he wasn 't quite sure what was going on . They decided it was safe for me to start the Pitocin , so they got me hooked up . Just like with Nolan , the contractions started almost instantly . I was in quite a bit of pain , so I decided to get the epidural and relax . It hurt more than it did with Nolan , but it still wasn 't awful . I think he may have hit a nerve because I felt a shock through my entire body as he put it in . He had to yell at me to keep still . Once it was in , only one of my legs went numb . He told me to just give it a minute and push the button to release more if it didn 't seem to be working . Things felt better for a little bit , but then it felt like I hadn 't even gotten an epidural at all . I could feel everything . They checked me , and it was just about time to push . This part gets a little bit hazy for me . I remember the room getting hazy and just being overwhelmed with the most intense cramping pain . They called the guy who did my epidural back in to give me another direct dose , but it did nothing . Chris kept pushing the button to pump more medicine , but it wasn 't working at all . I could feel every bit of pressure and every contraction . It turns out , the epidural wasn 't put in correctly and the medicine wasn 't even getting where it was supposed to go . I was having him naturally , even though I had the tube in my back . All of a sudden , I felt this really intense pressure and needed to push . The nurse checked me , and he was right there . They called the doctor in and he basically just caught the baby . He was born in about 2 pushes at 12 : 22 in the afternoon on July 29 . He weighed 5 pounds 3 ounces and was 18 inches long . My sweet , tiny little boy ! They put him right on my chest and I was holding him when Chris cut the umbilical cord . My love for him was so instant and so intense . He had low blood sugar like Nolan did , so they took him to the nursery for a while to give him some formula and get him feeling better . He was gone for a couple of hours , so I just relaxed in the recovery room . Once he was done , they brought him back to me and I snuggled him while Chris went and picked up Nolan . We wanted him to be the first person to meet his brother and we wanted to spend some time together as a new family of four before everyone else came to meet him . This is something that was so , so important to me and I 'm very thankful to our family for respecting that and understanding . Chris returned with Nolan , and he was more excited about everything in the room to play with than he was about seeing me . He gave me a smile and a kiss , but then he was off to play . We let him explore for a little while , but then I pulled him up in bed with me to meet his brother . He just wanted to get down and play . He stopped what he was doing every once in a while to look at Griffin , so he was curious . Just not curious enough to do anything about . After I snuggled both of my boys for a little while , we invited the rest of our family up . Everyone came and hung out for a little while . Nobody could believe how tiny Griffin was . Chris ended up leaving with Nolan to spend some time with him at home and keep things as normal as possible for him . After a couple of hours , everyone else left and it was just me and my boy for the rest of the evening . I spent the night feeding , holding , and snuggling him . I had so much more time to do that with him than I did with Nolan . I studied him and stared at him and kissed him and hugged him . It was just us and I loved that . I think I 'll insist on it again when we have our next child . I wish I would have had that with Nolan . We ended up having to stay two nights in the hospital . The second day , we didn 't have any family visit . Chris and Nolan came just before dinner time and we ordered room service for the three of us . Chris took Griffin , and I snuggled with Nolan in bed as we ate our food . It felt good to spend time with him and just love on him . I remember looking in the mirror that was across from my bed and my heart almost exploded as I saw my new family 's reflection . I never knew I could love three people as much as I love those three . We were discharged on the third day in the early afternoon . Griffin was very jaundiced and we had to be sent home with lights for him to lay on 23 hours a day to get his levels down . There were a lot of blood draws and heel pricks in the following days , but he ended up being okay by his two week appointment . He 's three months old today , and he fits so perfectly into our family . I keep falling more and more in love with him . He is Nolan 's complete opposite in pretty much every way . He has a lot of Chris ' personality already and I think we will have our hands full with him , but I wouldn 't have it any other way . Oh , hey . I had a baby . Plus I suck at blogging . There is just something about having two children under the age of two that takes up a freaking lot of time . I 'm not complaining , though . My life is incredible right now . Nolan is almost 21 months . I can . not . believe . that in a few months , we will be celebrating his second birthday . He is so much fun right now ! He isn 't talking much , but he 's starting to say a couple of new words a day so I think he will have a verbal explosion pretty soon . Right now , he knows and uses yes , yeah , yay , bubble , apple , mom , daddy , I love you , book , eat , up , and milk . He hasn 't started saying no yet , which I appreciate . His answer to every question we ask him is " yeaaaah . " He couldn 't get any more adorable . He 's wearing size 24 months and some 2T . He 's in size 5 diapers and size 5 shoes . He 's walking and running and climbing all over the place . I take him to My Gym on Friday mornings to practice his skills . He is in a class with about six other kids his age . They do tumbling , games , songs , puppet shows , and different exercises . He absolutely loves it . His favorite activity is the ball pit . He 'll climb up this huge ramp and just dive right in like it is no big deal . He 's so big . He is awesome with his little brother . He gets annoyed with him if he cries too much or we try to let Nolan hold him , but he 'll usually just gently push him away and go back to what he wants to be doing . He kisses him on the forehead all the time and will rub his head so softly . Now that Griffin is getting a little bit older , they are interacting more and I can 't wait to see what their relationship develops into . I 'll try to do better updating here . It is really for my record and I don 't want to forget these amazing times in my life . It is going by too fast . Now , to get cracking on Griff Griff 's birth story . . . Well , that went by fast . At first , I thought I 'd continue my monthly updates . Then I thought I 'd switch to every three months . Obviously that didn 't happen . I 'm here now , though ! Technically , he 's not sixteen months old for four more days , so I 'll keep pretending I have a little baby . I don 't . At all . He 's a little boy . He runs and laughs at jokes and teases us . He is growing into the most charming kid though . He 's so mellow and just loves to be around people . He 's started talking more ( finally ! ) and it is basically the most adorable thing ever . His favorite word right now is " Daddy . " He freaking loves his dad . It took him so long to start saying it and everyone was " Mom ! ! ! ! " but now he won 't stop . If Chris isn 't home and Nolan hears anything outside the door , he 'll run up screaming " Daddy ! " It is so cute . He doesn 't say " no " yet , which I 'm thankful for . He can hold off on that one as long as he wants . He does shake his head if we offer him something he doesn 't want , so he can communicate it , but he doesn 't verbalize it . He is a " yeah " baby . Anytime we ask him a question , he will either say " yeah ! " or " yesssssssh ! " and smile . The other day , we were walking into a sushi resturant , and I asked him if he was going to eat some chinese food . He looked at me and said " yeah ! " like it was totally obvious . He didn 't touch the stuff . Haha ! He still only uses " Mom " when he 's mad at me or trying to get my attention . I 'm waiting for that loving " Mommy " or " Mama " when he 's not frustrated , but so far I 've had no such luck . He says also knows how to say book , cat , hug , okay , and bye - bye . He understands so much more , he just isn 't really a talker . I love that the weather is so gorgeous right now . It is so much fun to be able to take Nolan to the park and let him run around . He has so much fun and can 't stop smiling every time we go outside . The other night , I took him out on our back patio and turned the faucet on . I gave him some old cups and a pitcher and let him go to town . He was soaked by the time we went inside , but he had a blast ! This age is the best . Period . He is in 18 month clothes and size 5 diapers . He 's losing his baby face and starting to look more like a child . He 's still adorable though . I 'll try really hard to update more , but I can 't promise anything with Griffin due in 8 . 5 weeks ( whaaat ? ! ) Life is about to get crazy , friends . I 'll leave you with some pictures of my little buddy to hold you over until next time . Who doesn 't love pictures ? It has been a while since I 've written . I decided to stop my monthly updates on Nolan after he turned one because I thought it would probably be too much , especially with a new little one coming that I 'll want to do the same thing for . I 've still been keeping track of his major accomplishments and will make sure to update those here ! The biggie : we have a walker ! Well . . . now we have a runner and a kinda - skipper . He is all over the place . He took his first steps on March 2 . He took five perfect steps the first time , and kept going all day long ! I was so proud of him . I felt a little bad because Chris wasn 't home , but I took lots of video for him . We call Nolan our little zombie because he walks with his arms straight out in front of him for balance . He just gets so proud of himself . It got to the point that he would fall just because he was laughing so hard . I have a toddler ! March was a big month for him . On March 6 , he went to bed with no milk . Our typical night - night routine is the three of us go upstairs and play in his room , change him into his jammies , and he tells Chris goodnight then gets in the rocking chair with me . I give him a sippy of milk and we cuddle until he lets me know he is ready to get in his crib . That night , he decided he didn 't want his drink and just went to sleep . I thought about continuing to skip it , but I love that time I have with him so I decided against it . At least now I know that the sippy is more for me than it is for him ! He 's such a big boy . Speaking of big boy , we took him to get his first haircut on March 7 . He did freaking awesome . They put a little cape on him and a big cape on me , then cut his hair while he was sitting on my lap . They gave him a sucker , which he loved ( he never gets treats ! ) and that was the only thing he paid attention to . The worst part of the whole experience was the little pieces of hair getting stuck in his candy and the sticky drool running down my hand . Everyone there loved him . They kept saying they 'd never seen a baby do so well . It turned out adorable and I can 't believe how much older he looked ! It has grown out quite a bit since then and I 'm thinking we may need to go back in soon . His first molar ( bottom - right ) finally popped through on March 14 , at exactly 13 months old . That was a miserable one ! He was so sick . Most of the week , he was running a fever and couldn 't stop crying . We did a lot of cuddling . I 'm not looking forward to the rest of them coming in . We had it so easy with his front teeth that I was not prepared for seeing him in so much pain with the bigger ones . It was awful . He is changing and growing so much . He is still wearing 12 and 18 month clothes , but he seems so much bigger to me . He is losing his baby face and starting to look like a little boy ! He is starting to develop a little attitude and challenge us when we tell him he can 't do something . Right now , if we scold him , he will grunt at us and close his eyes really dramatically before slowly dropping his head . After his quick moment of silence , he 'll go back to playing as usual . He dances at the slightest hint of music . He 'll wave his hands and rock his whole body . If he is standing , he usually ends up falling over to dance on the ground . If he is sleeping and a song comes on , he 'll wake up and dance until it ends , then he will go back to sleep . He has started shaking his head no to everything . It is adorable when he does it though because he has no idea what it means . He opens his eyes and mouth really wide , raises his hand to us , and shakes his head back and forth . It kills me . We found out a couple of months ago . I 'm 16 weeks now and finally starting to feel like a normal human being . I was so sick with his little one . I felt like because this pregnancy has been so different than my last , that this baby had to be a girl . We found out last week that we are actually having another little boy ! My buddy is going to have a little brother to rough house and get into trouble with . I 'm due August 11th . Things are definitely different this time around , but I couldn 't feel more blessed . I can 't wait to hold my new little man and introduce him to the loves of my life at home . I am surrounded by the best guys a girl could ask for . Blessed . Happy Birthday to my sweet boy ! This has been the best year of my life . Seriously . I never knew how much love my heart could hold . How hasn 't it exploded by now ? I 'll never know . We spent his special day as a family . . . just the three of us . I set my alarm and went in to wake him just before 07 : 23 so I could take a picture and hold him as he turned exactly one year old . After that , I took him downstairs and made him a yummy breakfast of waffles and cinnamon applesauce while he watched the Birthday episode of Yo Gabba Gabba . We spent the rest of the morning playing and cuddling . At around 11 : 00 , we got ready and headed out for the rest of the day . We started out at Cracker Barrel so we could order Nolan his first kids meal . He got macaroni and cheese , a baked sweet potato , a biscuit , and an apple juice box . He loved the potato and biscuit , but only ate a few bites of his macaroni . Luckily , Daddy was there to help him finish it . Once we were stuffed full of delicious food , we hit the road to spend the afternoon at the Living Planet Aquarium in Sandy . Nolan loved it . I kept pulling him out of his stroller so he could get right up against the different tanks . He kept following the fish around with his little hand and trying to tickle them through the glass . His favorite part was the penguin exhibit . We went back to watch them two different times because they made him laugh so hard . We stopped at the gift shop to let him pick out a special toy ( he got a stuffed penguin ) , squeezed in the photo booth to get our pictures taken , had a snack , and headed home . He was asleep within seconds of being in the car . He was in such a good mood all day long . I think he knew it was his day and I know he felt loved . On the 15th , he had his well check appointment . He weighs 21 . 2 pounds and is in the 25th percentile . He is 30 . 5 inches long , which puts him in the 75th percentile . His head is finally evening out and is back down to the 50th percentile . He is absolutely perfect ! We discussed how his eating habits should be changing now that he is getting older and he shouldn 't be as dependant on formula . He only uses sippy cups now and drinks whole milk instead of formula . He 's getting so big ! He is still in 12 month clothes and size 4 diapers . We need to move him to 18 month pajamas though . . . those seem to run a little small . His growth has definitely slowed down and he is growing more like a little boy than a baby . He wears size 4 shoes . He learned so much this past month . He started waving bye - bye on January 20th . He did it really well for about a week , and then he just stopped . I know he still knows how to do it , but he chooses not to . On the 25th , he started standing on his own . Chris and I were sitting on the couch and looked down at him , and he was just standing there looking at us , like it was no big deal ! On the 27th , he woke up and was rolling his r 's with his tongue . I have no idea where he picked that up , but it only lasted a few days and he was done with that too . His 8th tooth came in on the 10th ( finally ! ) This one filled out his bottom row and came in on the far left side . He does so many things that just crack me up . On the 28th , he learned that he could " work smarter , not harder " by putting a book on the ground and sliding around on it with both of his hands instead of actually crawling . On the 5th of February , he was sitting on the ground with a toy cup and was pretending to actually drink out of it . He 'd put it up to his mouth , swallow , and sigh really loud before taking another " drink . " That same day , he came up to me while I was taking a nap , pulled the blanket off my feet , and tickled them . He also started screaming along with girls on TV . He doesn 't even have to be paying attention , but if he hears someone scream , he will imitate them and smile . It is hilarious . He isn 't walking yet , but he is so close . I 'm guessing he will just take off within the next couple of weeks . His doctor said he is right on track developmentally and to just keep doing what we 're doing ! Little Boy , you make my day , every day . I wake up and can 't wait to hold you . You are the last thing I think about before I fall asleep each night . You have made me the happiest mommy in the world and I can 't wait to see what your next year has in store for you . You 're my best buddy . Happy Birthday , Nolan ! Eleven Months . Okay , this one might get me a little emotional . This can 't be Nolan 's last official month as a baby . In a few weeks , when people ask me how old he is , I 'll say " one . " We 've started planning his birthday party and I think it is going to be so cute ! It is going to be sock monkey themed . I went back and forth for a long time on whether or not I wanted to invite friends or just family , and I think I 've finally decided on family only . Buddy is starting to get a little fear of strangers and this is his day . . . I want him to have fun . I also want to be able to focus on him and not on hosting this giant bash that he will get bored and be uncomfortable at . He will be surrounded by his favorite people and I can spend my day loving on him . It will be perfect ! Next year when he knows what friends are , we 'll invite his pals to his party . He has changed so much over the last month . I looked at my calender where I keep note of major milestones and he only met one since my last post , but his personality is developing like crazy . He is turning into a little boy . He is so vocal and talks all the time . He 'll attempt to hold conversations with us by responding " yeah ! " to anything we say to him . He yells for me whenever he needs something or I 'm out of his view . If I go around the corner in the kitchen , he 'll go to the doorway and say " Ma ! Ma ! " until he can see me again , then he 'll start laughing . He does this funny thing when he gets really excited where he 'll put both of his hands up by his face and gasp really loud . He will do it over and over until we start laughing , then he will too . He is a cheesy little one . He can be sitting on the floor minding his own business , but as soon as he realizes someone is watching him he will scrunch his whole face up , close his eyes , and smile so hard it looks like his head might explode . He flirts with everyone he sees . We were at dinner a couple of weeks ago and he was leaning around me and giving this shy smile . I turned around to see this adorable little girl in a high chair smiling back at him . This continued through our entire meal ! The little girl 's mom and her friend just loved Nolan . I told him that if he were older and had a pen , he would have left with all three of their phone numbers that night . He hasn 't grown much . He is still mostly in 12 month clothes and size 4 diapers . He is finally starting to become more experimental with his eating which I 'm thankful for . I was starting to worry that he was going to be picky like his dad ! Bananas are his absolute favorite . He loves them . He tries to take huge bites though , so when we sit down to eat one I make sure it is something I 'm ready to battle over . He won 't eat it if it is cut up into bite - size pieces , so I just have to help him through it to make sure he doesn 't try to bite off a quarter of the banana at once . I mentioned that he met one milestone this mHe still lets me rock him to sleep at night and I will do that as long as I 'm able to . I know some people say it creates poor sleep habits , but he has no problem putting himself to sleep if I lay him down awake so I 'm not concerned . I love that time with him . He will lay in my arms and look up at me with the sweetest tired look in his eyes . He loves to run his fingers through my hair . I tried rocking him with my hair in a ponytail once and he was so fidgety until I let it down so he could touch it . It calms him down and melts my heart a little . I love that monkey so , so much . He is my best buddy . I still can 't believe that next time I do one of these updates , he will be a year old . Time . . . feel free to slow down whenever . Posted by |
Author 's Note : This story is a crossover that a fan asked me to write . It 's a cross between Angel and As the World Turns . What 's that ? You think that 's crazy ? Well , when I first heard that crossover choice , I laughed and laughed . But then because it was such an odd mix , the idea kept sticking in my brain until I found a way to make it believable to myself . The story takes place three months after the last episode of ATWT , and three years after the end of the series Angel . Written December 2010 Warning : Non consensual disciplinary spanking of an adult by a vampire . Graphic Slash . Cracky crossover choice . Here are a couple of images that were created for this story by the fan who wanted it written . Thanks Sara ! It had been three months . Three months since the man he loved had been hit by a train and killed . Luke looked out at the crowd of people who had come to see the opening of the new neurology wing of the hospital . He scanned for Noah 's face in the crowd hoping , but not expecting , to see him there . But he did see many friends and family , who were there to support him . Dr . Bob Hughes finished his speech , and introduced Luke . Luke stood up at the podium , and glanced down at the index cards he 'd brought with him to help him through the speech . The three months had given him some time to mourn for Reid , and he considered this event a way to close that chapter of his life . Reid would always be a part of him , but it was time to move on . He cleared his voice , and told the crowd about all the love and devotion Dr . Reid Oliver had put into the design of this wing of the hospital . " But that 's just it mom . Now I can 't get a hold of him at all . I called him a few days ago to invite him to come see my speech , and his cell phone was disconnected . " Luke nodded , and stood up to pace . " I know , and that 's not all . I 've tried to email him , but his email address comes back invalid . " Shaking her head , Lilly said , " But what if something bad did happen ? I don 't want you getting in the middle of it by yourself . I 'll come with you . " Instead of answering , she typed some information into the computer . After a few seconds , she turned the laptop for him to see . It was a list of Private Investigators in the Los Angeles area . " You want me to hire a Private Investigator ? " It had been three years . Three years since Angel had started a war with Wolfram and Hart . And just three months ago , both sides had finally called a truce , knowing the fight couldn 't be won . Good couldn 't exist without evil , and vice versa . The law firm was still standing , and so was Angel Investigations , though both were in different buildings now . Angel got out of the shower , and heard the familiar sounds of Connor and Spike having a good - natured argument in the kitchen . He closed his eyes and savored the moment . There had been so many close calls , and they 'd lost so many friends . It was good to be grateful for the family he had left . " Gross ? This isn 't gross . Gross is a Welnar demon after decapitation . This is just tasty . " ngel could almost see the smirk on Spike 's face . Angel got dressed , and looked out the window at the bright sun . Every time he looked through the specially tinted windows of his huge house , he thought of Wesley . After things had settled down from the first battle , Angel found out that Wesley had named him as the beneficiary in his will . He 'd been shocked , until he read the short note of apology that went with it . I hope someday you can forgive me for the sorrow you and Connor had to endure because of my misguided actions . He 'd also been shocked by the huge sum of money that had come his way , but it had given him enough money to buy a specially constructed house of his own . Spike shook his head . Angel sighed and turned to Connor . " Are you sure you set up the website right ? We 've only had a couple of calls since we opened . " Before Angel could respond , the phone rang . Angel answered , and smiled when Gunn told him they had a case . Half an hour later , Angel , Spike , and Connor popped into the office from the sewer entrance , and started working on trying to find Noah Mayer . It was dusk when Luke arrived at the modest looking office with the words , Angel Investigations , on the glass door . He went in , and saw a guy behind the front desk who appeared to be his age . " Hi , I 'm Luke Snyder , I have an appointment . " Luke 's pupils dilated , and his heart rate went up when he saw Angel . The instant attraction he felt for the man was unsettling . The only other time he 'd felt something so strong , was the first time he 'd met Noah . He 'd grown to love Reid , but that had not been a case of love at first sight . Trying to cover his desire , Luke smiled and held his hand out towards Angel , " Hi , I 'm Luke Snyder . " Angel , Spike , and Connor could all see , smell , and hear the lust coming from Luke . Spike rolled his eyes . He 'd seen many women , and a few men , react to Angel this way over the years . Connor wrinkled his nose in distaste . He didn 't want to think of anyone attracted to his father . In the past , Angelus had used the attraction people felt for him against them . He 'd lured many women , and a few men , away from public areas , had his way with them , and then eaten them . Because of this , Angel had one of two reactions to these people now . If they were aggressive about their attraction , he 'd be annoyed , and firmly rebuke them . But if they were quiet or shy about it , he couldn 't stop himself from feeling protective of them , unconsciously trying to make up for the times he 'd hurt others . Angel knew from experience that if he spent enough time with that person , his feelings could grow into something more , and tried to avoid that . Angel took the page back , and handed Luke a few more . " This is a copy of Noah 's credit card transactions for the past three weeks . As you can see , he used his card several times a day , but then four days ago it just stops . " Luke looked over the pages . There were hand written notes about each of the transactions , with names and addresses of each business , and a short description of what kind of establishment it was . While Luke was looking it over , Angel said , " The last thing he bought was a beer at a local nightclub . We were going to start there tonight , unless something else on that list strikes you as odd . " " Actually the nightclub seems odd . Noah didn 't drink much , and he wasn 't the kind of guy to go out and party . " As soon as the words were out of his mouth , Luke realized he could be wrong . That was true of Noah when they were together , but a lot of time had passed since then . He said , " Or at least , that 's the way he used to be . " Luke looked it over . There were hand written names next to each phone number . He saw that his mother had called Noah every Friday , and smiled softly . " This one is my mom . " Connor handed him a pen and said , " Write that next to her name , and put notes next to any of the names you know . " Luke was surprised at the number of names he knew were from Oakdale , and as that number grew , so did his guilt . He 'd been so wrapped up in his own grief over Reid , that he hadn 't kept in touch with Noah , when so many of his friends had . Once he was done , he handed the list back to Angel . Angel scanned it , and then handed the list to Gunn . " When we 're done here , look up the rest of the names , and find out everything you can about them . " Turning back to Luke , he said , " Okay , that 's all we have so far . We were going to start doing some legwork next , but first I 'd like to get some information from you , to help us know where to start . " Luke 's eyes lost focus , thinking back over his relationship with Noah . " I guess we 're more like family than friends now . We started out as friends . " Lost in his thoughts , Luke trailed off . " He broke up with me . He 'd been injured in an explosion , and blamed me for it . During his recovery , he pushed me away . I moved on with my life . Once he was fully recovered , he wanted to start up our relationship again , but I was already with someone else . " " Originally I called to invite him to a speech I was making , but then when I couldn 't get in touch with him , I was worried . Noah doesn 't have any living relatives , so my family became his family when we were together , and that didn 't go away just because we broke up . My folks are just as worried about him as I am . " Gunn said , " I was already there earlier today . Manager hasn 't seen or heard from him in four days . I talked him into letting me into the apartment . It had been cleared out . No clothes , no personal items , even the garbage had been emptied . " " Okay , then that 's all we need for now . " Angel stood , indicating that the meeting was over , and everyone else stood as well . He looked at Luke and said , " The office opens at nine o ' clock tomorrow morning . Call Gunn when you wake up , and we 'll let you know what we 've found . " " What ? " Luke hadn 't been expecting that . " No , I 'm coming with you . That 's why I came to town , to help find him . " Angel shook his head . They had no idea what had happened to Noah , and he didn 't want to put Luke in harms way . " That 's not the way it works Mr . Snyder . We work the case , and then give you the information . " Luke scoffed , " I 'm paying you , so it works however I tell you it works . " Angel glared , not liking Luke 's tone . " You may be used to throwing your money at people and making them do what you want , but that won 't work on me . I don 't need your money , and I don 't need this case . If you want me to help you find Noah , you do it my way . " Overwhelmed by the intensity of Angel 's glare , Luke swallowed hard . The attraction he felt for Angel was still there , but there was an edge of fear mixed in with it now . He changed his tone from one of authority , to one of simple honesty . " I 'm not going to sit around in some hotel room while you look for Noah . If you won 't take me with you , I 'll go by myself . I don 't have the willpower to do nothing when someone I love could be in danger . " Once Connor and Angel were alone , Angel said , " You stick with Luke tonight . Keep an eye on him while Spike and I try to get information . I have a bad feeling about this , and I don 't want him getting hurt . " Scrutinizing his father , Connor said , " You 're being weird " hen with some distaste he said , " You don 't like him do you ? e 's a dude ! " While Connor was thinking that over , Angel said , " But me wanting to protect him has a lot more to do with his attraction to me , than the other way around . I " ngel had to break eye contact , " Angelus used to love it when someone was attracted to him . he things he used to do to them I have to make up for that now . " & Connor understood better then most . He was deeply ashamed of some of the things he 'd done before becoming Connor Reilly , and still felt the need to make up for those acts . He patted his father on the shoulder once and said , " I won 't let him out of my sight . " Half an hour later , Angel pulled up to the nightclub . Angel and Spike exchanged a look as soon as they saw the doorman . This bar catered to vampires . Angel turned to Connor and Luke in the backseat and said , " You two wait in the car while Spike and I check it out . " " It means you stay here , " Angel said with finality . " But " uke started to protest , but Angel and Spike were already out of the car , and headed across the street . " Let 's see your license . " Luke rolled his eyes , dug his driver 's license out of his wallet , and handed it to Connor . Connor saw Luke 's birth date and chuckled . " What 's so funny ? " Luke shook his head , and opened the car door . Connor put a hand on his arm to stop him , but Luke shrugged him off . Connor wasn 't sure if Angel would want him to use brute force to keep Luke in the car or not . He doubted he 'd want Luke to know how strong any of them were . So instead of making Luke stay in the car , he said , " Wait up . " Before the doorman could answer , Angel opened the door to the club . He frowned in disapproval at the two younger men , and then turned to the doorman . " They 're with me . " The doorman stepped aside . Luke started forward , but instead of letting him into the club , Angel stepped out and grabbed Luke 's upper arm . " Hey ! " Luke protested . Luke instantly stuck the money back in his pocket . Caught off guard by Angel 's physical touch and intense scrutiny , Luke found his emotions out of sync with his brain . He knew he should be angry about Angel 's manhandling , but instead he was pleased with the close contact . He scowled , annoyed with himself , and with Angel . Angel crossed his arms , and said , " What happened to waiting in the car ? What happened to doing what I said if I let you come ? " Luke crossed his arms as well , trying not to let his nervousness show . " I 'm going to do everything I can to find Noah , with or without your help . " " You 're going to get yourself killed ! " " It 's a nightclub , not a deathtrap ! " Trying to placate Angel , Connor said , " You said it was safe right ? So let 's go see what we can find , and get out of here . " The three of them walked into the club , and Luke instantly felt the hairs on the back of his neck standing up . Something was off about this place . It was so dark , he could barley see three feet in front of him . The music was turned down so low , that he wouldn 't have been able to hear it if people had been talking , but they weren 't . He couldn 't even hear people breathing . As he looked around at the faces that were close enough to see , he realized all of their eyes were intently focused on him , and unconsciously took a step closer to Angel . Spike walked up to them from the darkness , and said , " One level . Two large back bedrooms , an office , and two bathrooms . " Spike and Connor both nodded , and walked towards the back together , shoulder to shoulder . Angel held out Noah 's picture to the nearest table of customers and said , " We 're looking for this person . Anyone seen him ? " Angel leaned down into the woman 's face , and made sure his voice was loud enough for the entire room to hear . " He 's not for sale . " He stuck Noah 's picture in her face , " Have you seen him ? " One second Luke was watching Angel 's back , and the next he was staring in Noah 's eyes . He was so startled by Noah 's quick appearance , he took a small step back . As soon as he got over the initial shock , he grabbed Noah in a quick hug . When it wasn 't returned , he backed up a step and said , " Noah ? " Spike and Connor came out of the first bathroom , and saw that Luke and Noah were standing next to each other . Spike whispered to Connor , " Looks like Luke has a type . Tall , dark , and broody . " " Ick . " Connor muttered , and listened closely to the room . The only heart beating , other then his own , was Luke 's . He whispered back , " And vampire . " " I 'm looking for you . Your email doesn 't work , your cell phone is gone , you 're not living in your apartment , and you 're not working on your film . I was worried about you . " " Us ? " Noah scoffed . " Are you kidding me ? There is no us . Go back to pining for your dead doctor . You know , the one you claimed to love even though you never had the guts to screw him . " Luke felt as though Noah had dealt him a physical blow . " How can you say that to me ? Three weeks ago , you told me you still loved me . " Before Luke could respond , Angel stepped in between the two , forcing Noah to take a step back . Luke saw a movement out of the corner of his eye , and realized Spike and Connor were flanking him . Angel turned his back on Noah , and said gently to Luke , " How about we get out of here ? " Noah growled low in his throat , and tapped Angel 's shoulder . " Hey ! We 're having a conversation here . Who the hell are you ? " Angel could feel a shift in the bar 's atmosphere , and realized that Noah had friends here . Things could get ugly fast . Angel turned to glare at Noah . He decided a lie was in order . " I 'm Angelus . " There were a few gasps in the room , and hushed whispers , which made Noah nervous . With a forced look of indifference , Noah said , " You know what ? Never mind . Take him . I never want to see his face again . " When Angel got outside , he saw Connor and Spike leaning against the hood of the car anxiously waiting for him . Luke was already in the back seat , quietly crying . Angel handed the keys to Spike and said , " I 'll sit in back . " Spike gratefully took the keys . Angel said , " I don 't trust Noah . We 'll take him home for the night , so we can keep an eye on him until daylight . " Spike and Connor nodded in agreement . Angel fought the urge to pull Luke into a comforting hug . " No you weren 't . If someone I was close to went missing , I 'd try to find them , too . " Wiping his face again , Luke said , " I thought we were close , but now t 's like he was a completely different person . he things he said to me " L ke 's face twisted in grief . A gel couldn 't take it . H scooted closer to Luke and put an arm around his shoulders . " know . " F Too emotionally worn out to resist , Luke rested his head on Angel 's shoulder . He closed his eyes and tried to block everything out . Taking a deep breath , he forced himself to relax , and just enjoy the feeling of being held . At first Angel was surprised when he felt Luke 's head on his shoulder , but he was also pleased . Being able to give Luke some comfort made him feel immensely better . Half an hour later , Spike pulled up to the place they all currently called home , and cut the engine . Luke opened his eyes , and immediately straightened up after looking out the window . " Where are we ? " " You 've had a rough night , and we have plenty of room . " Spike left the keys in the ignition , opened his door , and directed his comment to Angel . " If you don 't need me to chauffeur anymore , I 'd like to get something to eat . " Angel gave Luke a short tour of the house . " There 's one empty bedroom down here , and three empty bedrooms upstairs . Pick whichever you like , they all have a master bathroom attached . Gunn , Connor , and I stay down here , and Spike sleeps upstairs . " Once Luke was alone in the spare room , he sat on the bed , and put his head in his hands . He spent half the night trying to figure out what had happened to the man he thought he had known better then anyone else in the world . He wasn 't able to sleep until he 'd decided what the next step would be . Late the next morning , when Luke woke up , he found the house eerily quiet . Surprised at how long he 'd slept , he got in the shower . While he washed , his mind replayed the events of the night before , and he found himself even more determined to find out what had happened to Noah . After spending most of the evening with Angel last night , Luke was surprised at the way his pulse fluttered when he laid eyes on the man this morning . " Sure , coffee sounds good . " he said , forcing his eyes away . Angel smiled softly at Luke 's reaction , and walked to the kitchen . He poured Luke a cup , and they sat together at the kitchen table . Luke said , " I 'm sorry I slept so late , you could have woken me up . " " It 's okay , I 'm usually not even up this early . How are you doing today ? " " Good . I checked online for flights back to Oakdale . One leaves today at one o ' clock . " Angel looked at his watch and said , " Connor should be home in about half an hour . He can give you a ride to the airport . " " What ? " " I thought about it for a long time last night , and finally it hit me . The only explanation for Noah 's drastic personality change is drugs . " " You don 't know him like I do . The man you met last night , was not the same Noah who left Oakdale three months ago . I don 't know what he was on , but I 'm going to find out . " Angel leaned into Luke 's personal space and glared . " You are going to get yourself killed if you go back to that bar . The people there are dangerous , and they will hurt you . You 're lucky that you got out of there without getting hurt last night . " Luke forced himself not to lean back in his chair , even though it was difficult . He found it disconcerting to be intimidated and attracted to the man at the same time . " I am going back to that bar to find Noah . If you won 't help me , then I 'll do it myself . " Furious , Luke stood up , fished some hundreds out of his pocket , and slapped them down on the table . " Here 's your money ! You 're fired ! " Seeing the truth in this , Angel changed tactics . He sighed and lowered his voice . " You 're right . I 'm sorry . I just have this overwhelming desire to keep you safe . " uke 's eyes opened wide with surprise at the word ' desire ' . Oh . " Luke shook his head . " Sorry , I don 't have time . Since I knew I 'd be in L . A . anyway , I scheduled a meeting for this afternoon . " Frowning , Angel nodded in agreement . Luke pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and called for a cab , looking to Angel when they asked for a pick up address . He hung up , and said , " They 'll be here soon . " A few minutes later , Angel overheard Luke talking to his mother . He was shocked to hear Luke tell her that they hadn 't found any leads on Noah yet . Luke 's lie had been smooth without hesitation , and Angel started to worry . For the next fifteen minutes , Luke 's mother did most of the talking while Luke waited for the cab . When the cab pulled up , Luke got off the phone . Angel 's hand clenched into a fist when he heard Luke give the cab driver the address to the bar . " Damn it ! " He yelled in frustration at the daylight . " What ! Why didn 't you stop him ? " " He lied to me about where he was going , and now he 's already in the sun and in a cab . " Connor started the car . " I 'm on my way , but he 's a lot closer then me . Even if I speed , he 'll get there ten or fifteen minutes ahead of me . " Angel turned to call Spike , and found him standing beside him fully dressed . " Ready ? " Spike asked . " Let 's go , " Angel said with a small smile . It still surprised him to see Spike not only following his lead , but also doing his best to help . The years of fighting a war together had made their bond stronger , even when they bickered . Luke handed the cab driver his fare , and turned to look at the entrance to the bar . He doubted anyone would be there at this time of day , but he had to try . When his first tentative knock was met with silence , he knocked louder . No one answered , and out of frustration , Luke pounded on the door with the side of his fist a few times . He turned to walk away , and heard the door creak open . Turning at the sound , Luke had to squint into the darkness of the building to see the woman who 'd opened the door . She had bleached blond hair , her skin was a sickly pale , and she had dark circles under her eyes . Luke thought she might be in the late stages of cancer . " Hi , I was looking for a friend of mine . His name is Noah Mayer . He was here last night . " " I 'm sorry , I 'm just the cleaning lady , and no one else is here . You 'll have to come back tonight . " Luke didn 't think she was telling the truth . She didn 't appear strong enough to do any cleaning , and she was wearing designer clothes . " Do you think I could come in for just a minute and take a look around ? See if Noah left anything here ? " He saw her frown and quickly added , " I 'd only be a minute . " Her eyes darted behind her , and Luke saw fear on her face . She inched out into the sun and pulled the door most of the way closed behind her . Luke thought she looked even more ill in the sunlight . Her sleeve road up as she closed the door , and he caught a glimpse of some scabs near her wrist . She whispered to him urgently , " Don 't go in . " The door to the nightclub was open a crack , but Luke couldn 't see who was speaking . Gina nervously smiled at Luke , and changed her tone . " Of course you can come in and take a look . Right this way . " She gestured to the door for Luke to go first . Luke stayed where he was for a moment . He thought about Angel basically ordering him not to come here alone , and he thought about the nervousness he 'd felt in the club last night . Taking a small step away from the door , Luke said , " You know what , I think I 'll come back tonight instead . " " Noah ? " Luke asked , not quite believing Noah would be in there , but there was no mistaking his voice . Luke took a step closer , trying to see into the blackness . Any reservations Luke had had flew out the window with those words , and that tone of voice coming from the man he 'd been in love with for three years . Relief rushed through him , and he was certain that his guess had been correct . Noah had been on drugs , and now that he 'd sobered up , he was sorry about the things he 'd said . Luke walked into the club , eyes connecting with Noah 's within seconds . Luke 's first instinct was to hug Noah , but as his body moved forward , he caught the expression on Noah 's face , and stopped in his tracks . There were no traces of guilt or repentance , or even love in that expression . Noah had an unfriendly smirk on his mouth , and his eyes were squinted into a glare . Luke heard the front door shut behind him , and the room was enveloped in blackness . Unable to see much of anything , Luke said , " Noah ? " Luke felt someone grab his shirt near the back of his neck and propel him forward . " Hey ! Get off me ! " he said . He dropped his overnight back while shoving at the person holding him to no avail . " Get off you ? " Noah 's mild tone came from behind Luke . " Why would I do that , when you came all this way just to see me ? " Unsure how Noah had gotten behind him so quickly , Luke craned his neck to see Noah 's face . Noah smiled at him , but that only served to make Luke 's stomach lurch . Noah 's smile grew , and he stuck his face close to Luke 's shoulder and inhaled deeply while they walked . " You smell like fear . " They walked into the main bar , where there were a few candles lit , and Luke could see a little better . Noah stopped walking , but held Luke in place . There were about twenty people in the room with them , and all of them were staring at Luke . A woman took a step towards them and addressed Noah . " Are you sure about this ? " She looked Luke up and down once , " Why all the fuss over one scrawny boy ? " Noah didn 't answer her , knowing it was rhetorical . A shiver went down Luke 's spine as the woman scrutinized him . She turned back to Noah and said , " Angelus is not to be trifled with . If he comes for the boy , he 'll kill you , and we will not try to stop him . " With a glare , Noah said , " You 've made that very clear , Sire . But Angelus won 't come , and Angel has no real claim on him . He 's mine . No one will be coming to rescue him . " Noah didn 't comment . During the pause , Luke asked quietly , " What 's going on , Noah ? " He knew he sounded desperate , but at this point he was too worried to care . Noah kept his eyes on the woman , and didn 't respond . The woman waved him off with a hand and said , " Very well . It 's your funeral . " Luke realized with horror that Noah wasn 't on drugs . It was worse . Noah had joined some kind of cult , and he 'd been brainwashed . Luke hissed at the woman , " I don 't know what you 've done to him , but you won 't get away with it . " Grabbing Luke in a tighter grip , Noah walked him into one of the small back rooms , and closed the door behind them . There was only one candle lit in the room , and Luke had trouble seeing much , but he could make out the shape of three beds . Noah gave him a small shove , and let go . Luke stumbled forward and fell onto a bed face first . Before he could get up , Noah had flipped him over onto his back , and crawled on top of him . They were face to face , with Noah straddling Luke 's legs . Luke looked up at his former lover , and pleaded , " Talk to me , Noah . Tell me what 's going on . " Luke turned his face away from the touch , not wanting to mix the good memories of the last time they were in bed together with this awful moment . He demanded , " Tell me what 's going on . Who are these people ? Why aren 't you working on your film ? " " Why make a movie when you can live one ? " While they were making eye contact , Noah allowed his face to change into vampire form . Shocked and frightened , Luke gasped , and tried to push his body away from Noah . Noah tightened his grip and said , " What 's the matter Luke ? Scared ? " " Nothing . " Noah leaned down and touched his nose to Luke 's neck , smelling the blood under the surface mixed with the fear Luke was giving off . " This is my new face . The old Noah is dead and gone , and soon you will be too . " Bringing his head back up , Noah smiled and let Luke get a good look at his teeth . " You 're not human , " Luke said , more to himself than to Noah . Noah leaned down and whispered into Luke 's neck . " You will . I 'm going to keep you here with me until you do . Drinking from you each day , keeping you too weak to struggle , until you beg me to end it . " Changing tactics , Luke reached a hand up and cupped the side of Noah 's face with his hand . " I know you still love me , Noah . I love you too . Please let me go , and I 'll find a way to get you help . " Glaring in anger , Noah hissed , " I 'll never let you leave . " Leaning down , he sank his teeth into Luke 's neck . Luke screamed in pain , and tried pushing Noah away . Before Noah could get a second swallow of blood down , the door to the room burst open . Angel rushed at them with a stake in his hand . Noah jumped up to fight . Noah was no match for the older vampire . Within seconds , Noah found himself shoved up against the wall with his feet off the ground , Angel 's hand choking his throat so he couldn 't speak . Angel said , " I told you he was mine . Biting him was a mistake you won 't get to make twice . " He raised the stake up over his shoulder , ready to strike . Angel hesitated , and turned to Luke . Luke was still plastered against the wall with fear , and a few drops of blood slid past the fingers on his neck , but he shook his head no . Angel turned back to Noah , and saw that he had changed his face back to human form , and understood . Angel turned back to Luke and said , " He 's not human . " " I know but " uke didn 't know to explain it , but he couldn 't let Angel kill Noah , even if it wasn 't exactly Noah anymore . Against his better judgement , Angel whispered in Noah 's ear , " You touch him again , and I won 't let you live . " Angel stabbed the stake into Noah 's stomach instead of his heart , and let him drop to the ground . " Noah ! No ! " Luke rushed towards them , but Angel caught him before he could get to Noah . Angel said , " He 's fine . " " In the stomach not the heart . " Luke looked down at Noah , who was groaning with pain . Noah pulled the stake back out of his stomach , and let it clatter to the floor . " How do you know that won 't kill a vampire in real life ? " Luke tried to take a step away , fresh fear coursing through his veins , but couldn 't get out of Angel 's grip . Angel pulled him close , so they were nose to nose , and said , " I told you it was dangerous here . I told you I 'd bring you tonight . And instead of listening to me , you lied to me ! Why ? " Angel glanced at Noah , who was now sitting up against the wall . Even though he was in pain , Noah had a smirk on his face . Noah had only been a vampire for a few weeks , and he clearly remembered being human and belonging to the vampire who had become his Sire . Their relationship had been based on terror when he was human . Noah had very quickly , and painfully , learned to obey her every command without question until he was turned . And he could tell Luke wasn 't terrified of Angel . Noah muttered , " He 's not yours . " Angel knew that Luke wouldn 't be safe from Noah unless he put on a show of ownership for Noah 's benefit . Regretting that he hadn 't pulled Luke out of there before talking to him , Angel changed back to his human face , and focused on Luke . " I 'm sorry . " " Like it or not , I 've claimed you as mine , and in vampire society that means something different than it does in human society . As far as everyone here is concerned , you have no rights . If you didn 't belong to one of us , you 'd be like a cheeseburger with a sign that said free food . But because I 've laid claim to you , you 're more like a stray dog with no collar . I say you 're mine , but Noah has challenged that claim by marking you with his bite , so I can either kill him , or prove he 's wrong by marking you myself . " Luke didn 't want to believe the things Angel had just told him , but not listening to Angel had gotten him into this mess to begin with . He looked down at Noah who appeared to be feeling better by the second , and realized Angel had been right about the stake to the stomach . Frowning , he thought about how he 'd felt watching Reid die , and knew he couldn 't watch another man he loved die , even if that man wasn 't human anymore . He turned back to Angel , and let his hand drop away from his neck , showing his trust and willingness . " Okay , then you 'll have to mark me . " " No , " Angel said , " not like that . " He tore a small corner off the bedspread next to them , held the cloth to Luke 's neck , and put Luke 's hand back up to cover it . " Keep direct pressure on it to stop the bleeding . " Confused Luke said , " Okay . " Focusing on Luke 's neck , Angel scowled . " You lied to me about where you were going , and put yourself in danger . Because you 're my human , I can 't let that go without punishment . " " Taking care of two things at once . " Angel muttered , and pressed Luke 's chest against the wall . Angel held him in place by keeping Luke 's arm behind his back , and then used his free hand to smack Luke 's butt five times . He made sure that the last swat was hard enough to leave a bruise that would be there for a couple of days . Wincing in sympathy , Angel let go of Luke 's arm , turned him back around , and pulled him into a quick hug . Pissed , Luke pushed at Angel to get out of the embrace . Angel let himself be pushed away , but kept one hand on Luke 's upper arm to keep him in place . Focusing on Noah , he said , " I claimed him first , and now I 've marked him . Your claim is null and void . " In the main room , Luke saw Spike and Connor standing back to back in the center of the room . They were both holding weapons , and cautiously watching every move the vampires in the room made . Angel pulled him along , until they were standing in front of Connor . Angel said , " Connor , take Luke home . We 'll meet you there . " Connor nodded , grabbed Luke 's upper arm , and pulled him towards the front door . Luke almost stumbled over his own bag in the entranceway . Connor said , " Sorry , I forget you can 't see in here . " Keeping a hand on Luke , and making sure no one was around to attack , Connor leaned down to pick up the bag , and quickly got them out into the sunlight . Squinting , Luke held his hand up to block the bright sun while his eyes adjusted . Connor let go of his arm a few feet away from the club , and Luke followed him to a car . Connor got the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the passenger side first . Luke looked at the seat with a serious frown . Connor tossed Luke 's bag in the back seat , and then walked to the driver 's side . Before he got in , he looked at Luke across the hood and said , " It won 't be as bad as you think . Once you get in , roll to the side and sit on your hip . " Connor rolled his eyes , " Oh please . Angel 's my father , and even if I couldn 't have heard everything that went on in the backroom , I would already know . You ran off and did exactly what he told you not to do . Been there , done that . Get in the car . Trust me , it won 't be as bad as you think . " " Angel 's your father ? " Luke said , not understanding that at all . " Get in , I 'll tell you about it on the way . " Feeling slightly less embarrassed , Luke watched Connor get in , and then carefully got in , too . It wasn 't pleasant to sit , but he found that Connor was right , it wasn 't as bad as he 'd been expecting . Once they were buckled up , Luke shifted to the side , and then said , " Okay , tell me about it . " After a short threatening conversation with the female leader of this particular nest of vampires , Angel and Spike left the way they 'd come . On the way to the bar , they 'd run through the sewer tunnels , but now that the emergency was over , they walked single file , with Angel leading the way . Angel couldn 't stop thinking about what he 'd done to Luke , and the more he thought about it , the more he regretted it . When they were half way home , Spike heard Angel sigh , and knew he was brooding . " The guilt 's set in then has it ? " Spike leaned against the sewer wall , and lit up a cigarette . " Yeah , he could have gotten killed , but he didn 't know that . All he had to go on was your word that it was dangerous , and he barely knows you . He didn 't know how serious it was until it was too late . " " You had to mark him , yes . You didn 't have to give him a smacked bottom , you could have bitten him . " Spike pushed past Angel and took the lead in heading back home , and added . " You need to suss out why you made that decision . " Spike scoffed and held up one finger , " Connor . " He put up another , " Dru . " He put up a third , " Me . " He wiggled them under Angel 's nose . " Any others I don 't know about ? The Slayer maybe ? Little Bit ? One of the Scoobies ? " Angel winced at the accusation , and shoved Spike 's hand away , " Of course not ! " " So that 's a yes . Okay we 'll guess 4 or 5 people in total , and they were all people you considered family . Odd way to show your affection , but " The sewer entrance was in the basement , and as soon as Angel opened the door , he could hear Connor 's voice up in the living room . " No , he never spanked me back then . " Angel froze , not wanting to alert them to his presence in the house yet , and Connor continued . " Before I had my new memories things were different between us . I tried to kill him more then once . I physically attacked him every chance I got , and he was forced to fight back . He 's stronger , so he always beat me . " " Beat you ? " Luke 's voice asked . Angel felt sick . He had nightmares about that day , and often wished he could go back in time to do things differently . He felt Spike 's hand squeeze his shoulder in comfort . Connor said , " To be fair , I was going to kill him and his friends , and I don 't hold it against him . In fact I 'm grateful he stopped me from killing one of them . " " Grateful ? " Luke asked . There was a lull in the conversation , and Angel closed the sewer door loud enough for Connor to hear it . Connor 's voice from upstairs said , " We 're in the living room , Dad . " While Spike and Angel came upstairs , they heard movement above them . Angel came in first , and saw Luke standing uncertainly next to the couch , while Connor sat in an armchair . There was an awkward pause , until Connor stood and said , " I cleaned out the wound and bandaged it up . It didn 't need any stitches , and from what I can tell he didn 't lose much blood . " Spike waved him away with a hand . " I 'm on London time . What do you say Connor ? Have a beer , maybe play some pool ? " Connor looked at Luke , wondering if he 'd want to be alone with Angel so soon after that confrontation at the bar . Luke 's eyes were glued to the floor , his heart rate was up , and he kept tapping his thumb on his thigh nervously . Connor made eye contact with Angel , who gave him a small smile and a nod . Reassured that Angel would do everything in his power to help Luke , Connor smiled at Spike , and said , " Sure , but you 'll have to buy me lunch too , I 'm starving . " Spike gave him a theatrical groan as they two of them headed back to the sewer entrance . " You eat enough for three people your size . You need to learn to drink more and eat less . " " Such a Boy Scout . Haven 't I taught you anything these past three years ? " Connor chuckled . " Yeah , you 've taught me all kinds of things not to do . " Every instinct in Luke 's body told him to take a few steps back to keep out of the vampire 's reach , but he forced himself to stay put . He tilted his chin up a notch and said , " I feel fine . I don 't need anything . " Angel could hear Luke 's heart pounding , increasing in tempo the closer he got . He took the last step that separated them , and put a hand on Luke 's shoulder . Squeezing gently , he said , " It would make me feel better if you 'd take something . " Any residual fear he 'd felt towards Angel went away with the gentle touch . The word , " Okay , " slipped out of Luke 's mouth before he could stop it . Once he realized what he 'd said , he frowned . He hated the way his body reacted to Angel 's mere presence . Angel gave him a soft smile and said , " Why don 't you lie down and relax for a few minutes , while I get you some Tylenol . " Luke watched Angel walk down the hall , and then looked over at the couch . He didn 't want to admit it , but lying down was exactly what he wanted to do . He hurt all over . The pain in his neck and rear end weren 't the only problems . His muscles ached from struggling and being manhandled by both Noah and Angel . His knees felt wobbly with the effort to keep himself up when he thought about vampires being a reality , let alone thinking about Noah being one . Before Angel came back , Luke gave in and went back to the same position he 'd been in before Angel had arrived home . When Angel came back carrying a couple of pills and a glass of water , he found Luke lying on his side on the couch , with his eyes shut tight . Angel sat on the coffee table by Luke 's head and said , " Here . Take these . " Luke propped himself up on one elbow , and held his hand out for the pills . Once he 'd swallowed them , he handed the glass back to Angel , and lay back down . " Thanks . " After a pause , Luke said , " You 're a vampire , you were 26 when you were turned , but you 've been a vampire for over 250 years . When you were first turned you called yourself Angelus , and you were evil . Then you were cursed with a soul , and became Angel . " Looking away , Angel nodded again . Luke could see the pain in Angel 's face and decided not to go into detail with the rest of the story . " And for the past three years you 've been fighting a war against evil . " When Angel made eye contact again , the younger man said , " That 's all . " " Noah is a vampire . That means he has no soul . He may look like Noah . He may sound like Noah . He may even have the same memories as Noah . But he is not Noah , because his soul is gone . That means he 's dangerous , especially to you . " " Over the years I 've met hundreds of vampires . None of them had souls , and all of them had strong reactions to the people they loved when they were human . They either hated the people they loved , in which case they tortured and killed them . Or they loved them so much they couldn 't be without them , and turned them to vampires as well . Either way , you 're in danger . " Luke bit his lip not wanting to believe Noah was lost to him forever . " But how can you be sure ? You haven 't met every vampire . " With understanding , Angel said , " I know , because I 've talked to other demons , and humans who have studied vampires through history , and everyone has found the same thing . I know , because I 've changed humans into vampires , and it 's always the same . I know , because I remember the things I did as Angelus , and I am incapable of doing the things he did . " Luke closed his eyes , and tried not to cry . He felt Angel 's hand on his upper arm , and heard his voice . " I 'm sorry . I wish there was something I could say , or something I could do to make it easier for you . " Luke pushed his back up against the couch , away from Angel , and said , " Three months ago I was in love with a man named Reid . We had just started a relationship when he was ripped away from me in a car accident . I can 't lose Noah too . I just can 't . I won 't . " Angel 's eyes softened . He 'd tried to deny his growing attraction to Luke , but after hearing that , he couldn 't do it anymore . He cupped Luke 's face in his hands and said , " After everything that 's happened , you still want to help him . " Luke nodded . Angel leaned in and kissed his forehead , and then locked eyes with him . Angel said sincerely , " I 'm sorry for your loss . For both of them . " Luke had been ready for anger , and had no defense for the gentle kiss , or the kind understanding Angel had just given him . Feeling his eyes fill with tears , he bowed his head . After smelling the tears , Angel pulled Luke into a hug , and this time Luke didn 't pull away , but wrapped his arms around Angel too . Keeping his arms around Luke , Angel situated himself onto the couch , so that he was sitting next to Luke , and held him while he cried . Quite a while later , when the tears tapered off , Luke was too exhausted to move off of Angel 's shoulder . Angel handed him a few tissues , and after he 'd wiped his face , Angel said , " Close your eyes and rest for a while . " " Gross . " Connor 's face showed his distaste . Spike saw a flash of hurt in Angel 's face , and felt the need to defend him . He said to Connor , " You 're disgusted ? You don 't get to be disgusted , you slept with Cordelia . " Not liking Angel 's expression , Spike sighed dramatically . " Fine . I 'll apologize . " He turned to Connor , and saw sorrow etched in his downcast face . Feeling bad about it now , he said softly , " I shouldn 't have brought her up . I know you loved her . " Angel stood and said , " What the hell , Spike ? " Spike was uncomfortable with Angel 's tone of voice , especially now that Luke was awake to hear it . He mumbled , " First the beating comment , and now the homophobic rubbish . I just wanted to remind him that none of us are free from guilt . " Neither vampire answered him . Angel went over to Spike , put a hand on his shoulder , and said quietly , " I 'm glad that we 're close now , and it 's nice that you 'd want to defend me like that . But Connor just needs some time to get used to it . Making him feel bad about the past isn 't going to help . " Before Angel could answer , Spike said , " I went through the Demon Trials to get my soul back . " Luke stood up and said excitedly , " That 's the answer ! Noah can get his soul back , too . " Spike and Angel both shook their heads and started to talk at the same time . Spike said , " I barely lived through " nd at the same time Angel said , " It 's not that easy to " ; They both stopped , and Spike gestured for Angel to go ahead . Angel said , " Noah was just turned . Spike had over a hundred and fifty years of fighting practice before attempting the Demon Trials , and he was willing to do whatever it took to complete them . Noah isn 't anywhere close to ready for that , and it 's doubtful that he 'd even want to . " " Well that 's the answer ! " Luke said , " We can have Willow curse Noah too . " Angel started to shake his head , so Luke added , " I can pay her . " The more Spike thought about it , the more he liked the idea , and wondered why none of them had thought of it before . " Yeah , but it 's worth a phone call to find out . If Buffy gets a whole army of Slayers , I don 't see why we can 't have an army of Vampires with souls . " Shaking his head , Spike said , " I 'll follow your lead in battle , and I 'll even still let you play Sire when I 've done something I 'm ashamed of , but you don 't get a say in who I can and can 't call . Willow is my friend , and was even before I got the soul back . I talk to her at least once a week , and I 'm not going to hesitate to call her just because you don 't like what I might have to say . " After a short pause , Spike decided to forgive him instead of punching him in the jaw , and got out his cell phone . He hit a speed dial number , and put the phone to his ear . While he was waiting for someone to pick up he said to Luke , " You 're a bright one , thinking outside the box . I like that . " Spike focused back on the phone and said , " Hey Red , how 's tricks ? " as he headed up the stairs . While Angel was warming the pizza up in the microwave , Luke sat down at the kitchen table . He frowned when he found sitting somewhat uncomfortable , and shifted his weight around on the chair to find the best position . His frown deepened when he realized there wasn 't one . He looked up at Angel with resentment when he brought the pizza to the table . Having heard the shifting around , Angel knew what the look was for . He set the pizza down in front of Luke , and sat down across from him . He said quietly , " I 'm sorry . " Angel reached across the table , and put his hand over Luke 's . He rubbed his thumb over the back of Luke 's hand and said , " For earlier today . I know it won 't excuse what I did , but I 'd like the chance to try to explain . " Angel said , " I 'm not just physically attracted , I 'm also attracted to the type of person you are . Coming here to find Noah , even though you 're not with him anymore , and going back to the bar to try and help him even after he 'd said such cruel things to you the night before , are the acts of an altruistic person who 's determined to do the right thing . I find that admirable . But because of that attraction , I also have an overwhelming urge to protect you . When I heard you giving that cab driver the address to the bar , I was sure that you 'd be dead before I could get to you . " Stifling the urge to lean over and kiss Luke , Angel settled for squeezing his hand once . " When I saw Noah biting you " ngel broke eye contact and continued , " I didn 't realize it at the time , but I was jealous . A d I know I had no right to be , but there it is . I was worried about your wellbeing , I was upset that you 'd lied to me , and I was jealous that Noah marked you . T en when you said I should mark you too , I just " He locked eyes with Luke again and said , " I treated you like you were already part of my family , instead of a business acquaintance . " Frowning , Luke slid his hand out from under Angel 's and leaned back in his chair while he thought that over . Angel leaned back as well and said , " When one of my family members is in danger , even if it 's danger they put themselves in , I get bossy and overprotective . But I had no right to treat you like you were mine when you 're not , so I 'm sorry . " Angel glared back . " Hitting you ? If I 'd hit you , you 'd be broken . I spanked you . You may not believe there 's a difference between hitting someone in a fight , and spanking someone , but I do . " Luke couldn 't keep eye contact . He did believe there was a difference . His parents had never spanked him , but his grandmother , Emma , on his father 's side had swatted him a few times while growing up . And a few years ago , his father had laughed for days after Emma had broken up a fight between Brad and Jack at Thanksgiving by giving each of them a few swats with a spatula in front of the entire family . He mumbled , " No , I know there 's a difference . " Mollified , Angel sighed . " To answer your question , I 'd probably still be sorry , because I didn 't give you all the information you needed to keep yourself safe . If you knew you were walking into a room full of vampires , would you have done it ? " " Then I 'm sorry for that too . " Angel stood and said , " I 've got to go check on Connor . Take your time and eat in peace . There 's soda and beer in the fridge if you want it . " Half an hour later , Luke was pacing the living room , wondering what to do with himself , when Spike came down the stairs . " What did she say ? " Luke asked . " Great . " Luke sat down on the other side of the couch , leaned his head back , and closed his eyes . Spike saw Angel coming out of Connor 's room , and stood up , wondering how the kid was . Spike shoved his hands in his pockets and muttered , " Willow says hey . " Once Spike was in the sewers , Angel turned to Luke . " Looks like we won 't have an answer from Willow for a while . That means we need to make a decision . " Angel sat down next to Luke on the couch . " I want you to stay with me , but that 's not what I think you should do . You should get as far away from me as possible . " Tentatively , Luke put his hand on Angel 's thigh and said , " I 'd like to stay . " Luke leaned into the touch , and said , " Are you sure ? " In answer , Angel kissed him softly on the lips . He pulled back long enough to look into Luke 's smiling face , and then leaned down to kiss him more passionately . The kiss sent a rush of pleasant shivers through Luke 's whole body . His hands found their way into Angel 's hair , and he felt Angel 's hand on his back pulling him in closer . A few minutes later when they broke apart , Luke was breathing hard , and tingling all over . " Wow . " Angel let his hands drop back into his own lap , but kept eye contact . " Noah could be a serious threat to you if you stay in town . He may only be able to come out at night , but there are plenty of humans willing to do a vampire 's bidding for the right price , and that nest was one of the biggest ones that I 've seen in LA . That means Noah has powerful friends , and he wanted to turn you . Until I 'm sure he 's not a threat , you 'll need me , or one of my team , to be with you any time you 're not here in the house " Luke broke eye contact , and thought that over . He didn 't like it , but he had to admit that Noah was scary now , and the idea of ending up back in that bar made him shudder . With a nod he said , " Okay . " Surprised at how happy those words made him , Angel started kissing him again . As they kissed , Angel maneuvered their bodies on the couch , so that Luke was lying on his back , with Angel 's body covering most of his . Their hands were busy exploring each other 's bodies , when Luke 's cell phone rang . Angel pulled away . With an apologetic smile , Luke grabbed his cell phone and looked at the number . " It 's work , " he muttered , and pushed himself back into a sitting position before answering . " This is Luke , how can I help you ? " There was a longer pause , and Angel could tell from the younger man 's expression , that something had gone wrong . " Okay , let me make some phone calls and get back to you . " Luke hung up and turned to Angel . " Sorry , looks like this is going to take a while . " Angel kissed his forehead . " It 's okay , we 'll have plenty of time to pick up where we left off later tonight . " He stood up and added , " Make yourself at home while you 're here . You can set up your laptop at the desk here in the living room , or if you need privacy , you can use the desk in your room . The rooms are soundproofed to human ears , but Spike , Connor and I will still be able to hear most of what you say , but we try not to listen . " " Not at all . If you want to stay here and work tomorrow , one of us will stay with you . Or if you 'd rather come to the office with us , you can use Spike 's desk . " " Okay , thanks . " Luke 's cell phone went off again . He looked at the caller ID before answering . " Hi Mom eah , I know , she just called me . " e headed into his bedroom to get his laptop . Frowning , Connor glanced over at Luke . He didn 't want to stay home when there was a case to work on , especially if it meant he was stuck babysitting his father 's potential boyfriend . Angel could see the argument forming in Connor 's head , and cut it off before it could start . " Noah may come after him , so for the next week or two Luke can 't be alone , and I haven 't had time to go over the basics with him on how to keep himself safe if he finds himself alone with Noah . " " Thanks . " Angel squeezed his shoulder , and then turned to Luke . " It 's already getting dark out , so the two of you need to stay in the house . " Connor rolled his eyes when he saw the worry crease in his father 's forehead . " Jeez Dad , brood much ? I 've been on protection detail a million times . We 'll be fine . " He waved his hand towards the door and said , " Go . " Feeling better about it , Angel walked to the weapon cabinet , and got out a sword . When he turned around , he saw the shock on Luke 's face , as he scanned the sheer volume of weapons they kept on hand . Angel said to Connor , " And maybe a short explanation for the kinds of jobs we usually get . " Seeing Luke 's face , Connor nodded in agreement . Angel walked to Luke , and put a hand on the side of his face . " I know it 's a lot to take in one day . " Connor turned away as he saw Angel 's lips touch Luke 's , but kept his distaste to himself . A few seconds later , Luke and Connor were alone in the living room . An uncomfortable silence filled the room . Luke was the first to speak . " I 'm at a good stopping point with my work if you want to go over that vampire information with me . " Happy to have something to focus on , Connor said , " Sure , this is a good time for me too . Are you hungry ? We could see what 's in the house for dinner while we talk . " At one o ' clock in the morning , a bedraggled trio came home through the front door covered in gunk . While the three took off their shoes in the entranceway , Angel said to Gunn , " After we shower , you clean the weapons . " He turned to Spike , " You clean our clothes , and I 'll clean the car . " The two gave weary nods , and started taking off their clothes , stacking them in a pile for Spike to get later . When Spike took his shirt off something clattered to the floor . He picked it up , and held it up the tooth for the others to see . " Either of you want a souvenir ? " Once the three were down to underwear , Gunn and Spike headed to their rooms to shower . Wanting to check on both Luke and Connor , Angel sniffed the air , and listened for heartbeats . Once he assured himself that both of them were at least safe in the house , he went to shower off . An hour later , Angel was done cleaning the gore out of his car , and came in to find that Spike and Gunn had already finished their portion of the cleaning , and gone to sleep . He walked to Connor 's door , and listened for a few seconds . The steady heartbeat and even breathing told him Connor was asleep . He went to Luke 's door to listen , but instead of a steady heartbeat , and even breathing , he heard movement . Then Luke moaned , and said , " No . " Angel knew there was no way Noah could get into the house without being invited , and he also knew Connor would have gone over that with Luke , but the image that flashed in his mind was Noah biting Luke again . He opened the door a crack , and saw Luke alone in the bed . He appeared to be asleep but having a bad dream . Angel went in and shut the door behind him , not wanting to wake the others up , which could be difficult to do in a house full of super hearing beings . Sitting on the edge of Luke 's bed , he reached out and touched his shoulder . " Hey Luke , you 're dreaming . " Jerking awake , Luke was disoriented for a few seconds . He sat up halfway , propping himself up on his elbows and mumbled , " I was back at the bar . " He shuddered , and his eyes scanned the room , checking to make sure of his surroundings . Brushing the hair from Luke 's eyes , Angel said , " You 're safe here with me . " " Well we got home about an hour ago , but we had a lot of cleaning to do before we could call it a night . Then I came to check on you , and when I saw you weren 't sleeping peacefully , I thought I 'd come wake you up . I hope that 's okay . " " How did it go tonight ? " Angel hoped things hadn 't been too awkward for either of them . Luke smiled , " Connor and I got along fine , probably better than either one of us expected . " " Your fathers ? " Angel asked , feeling a little uncomfortable . He wasn 't sure that he wanted them bonding over something that had to do with him . " I wasn 't raised by my biological father either . " Angel raised his eyebrows in surprise . Luke said , " I was adopted and raised by Holden Snyder . He 's a lot like Connor 's dad , Laurence . They 're both honest , hard working family men . My biological father , Damion is the polar opposite . He lies , cheats , and manipulates everyone to get what he wants . Thank goodness I didn 't have much contact with him while growing up . " " When I first came out to my parents , my dad , Holden , was amazingly supportive . Even when he wasn 't entirely comfortable with my being gay , he never made me feel bad about myself because of it . But Damion e tried talking my mom into sending me to one of those camps that promises to turn gay kids straight . e was ashamed of a basic part of what makes me me , and it 's a part of me that I have no control over . hen I was telling Connor about that last night , he said that Holtz always made him feel ashamed that he was part demon , even though it is a basic part of what makes him him . " Angel shook his head . He didn 't have the same faith in himself that Connor apparently had . Luke took Angel 's hand in his . " And he seems genuinely happy when he talks about his life with you now . " Luke brought the hand up to his lips , and gently kissed the back of Angel 's hand . " Thanks for waking me up . " He turned Angel 's hand over , and kissed the palm . Angel leaned in and kissed Luke gently . Luke put his hands on the back of Angel 's head , and pulled him in closer , turning the kiss passionate . After a few minutes of serious kissing , Luke was lying flat on his back , with most of Angel 's upper body pressing him down into the mattress . Angel pulled away when he felt Luke 's hand slipping under his tee shirt . He desperately wanted to keep going , but forced himself to say , " I should go , so you can get some sleep . " " Are you sure ? " Angel asked . " I mean I want to stay , but I also want you to be sure . " Luke thought of all the chances he 'd had with Reid , and wished he could have just one of them back to do differently . He wasn 't sure where things were going with Angel in the long run , but he knew where he wanted things to go tonight . " I 'm sure . Please stay . " Angel sat up long enough to pull his shirt off , and Luke took his off as well . Angel paused a few seconds to let his eyes roam over Luke 's body . Luke did the same and trailed a finger over Angel 's shoulder . Angel leaned down and trailed his tongue from the center of Luke 's chest , over to his right nipple , pausing to suck on it gently . He felt the vibrations under his lips when Luke moaned , and trailed his tongue over to the left side to do the same . When he pulled away , Luke 's breathing was rapid . Angel stood and took his pajama pants off along with his boxers , and stood still while Luke looked him up and down . After getting his fill , Luke tossed the covers off , and reached down to take his underwear off , but his finger 's stalled when they hit the elastic . He looked into Angel 's face and whispered nervously , " Noah is the only other person I 've been with . " Angel felt a rush of excitement at those words . Inexperience had always been a turn on for both Angel and Angelus , though for very different reasons . With a grin , Angel crawled on top of Luke and whispered in his ear , " That only makes me want you more . " Connor got up feeling better than he had the day before . Hanging out with Luke last night had helped him feel a lot more like Connor Reilly , and a lot less like the Destroyer . And making the connection between Holtz hating him for being a demon , and Damien hating Luke for being gay , made Connor realize that his own initial reactions to Luke had been wrong . He walked past Luke 's door , and stopped in mid stride when he realized his father 's scent was just as strong as Luke 's behind Luke 's door . The smell of sex was heavy in the air . Connor 's lip curled back in disgust automatically , but he forced the expression off his face a second later , thinking about Luke 's sadness the night before when he talked about his father , Damion . And when Connor thought about it logically instead of emotionally , he didn 't begrudge his father a little happiness after all the things they 'd suffered through over the past three years . Once he had talked himself out of being upset , he walked the rest of the way down the hall . When he got to the kitchen , Connor was surprised to see Spike sitting at the table with a mug of blood , and decided it was the perfect time for some revenge . He got a bowl of cereal and sat down across from him . " Hey . " Spike said . " We both have annoying little sisters that we love even though they 're annoying . We both have more than one father . Neither of us was raised by our biological father , and we both had one father who hated something about us . " It only took a millisecond for Spike to realize what Connor was implying , and lunged for the boy , intending to put him in a headlock until he took it back . Expecting the attack , Connor evaded Spike 's grasp , and took off running for the front door . He made it out into the morning sunlight in record time , and turned to laugh at Spike . Spike smiled , but it wasn 't pleasant . " Yeah , you enjoy the sun while you can , college boy . " " I will , thanks . " He got his car keys out of his pocket , and said , " I 've got to get to class . See you in a few hours . " Luke woke up , and felt something cold next to him . His eyes popped open , and he saw Angel 's face directly in front of him . Remembering last night , Luke smiled as he stretched , and mumbled , " Morning . " Forty - five minutes later , Luke was eating scrambled eggs at the kitchen table , and Angel was debating getting himself a mug of blood . He didn 't think Luke would be disgusted if he drank a mug of blood , but the subject of him feeding hadn 't really come up . After Luke had taken a couple of bites of the breakfast Angel had made him , he thought about asking if Angel was going to have any , and quickly realized the answer to that would be no . " What ? " Angel asked . " Did you find a shell in your eggs ? " Luke realized he 'd paused with his fork half way up to his mouth . " No , they 're great . I was just thinking about your breakfast . " The two made eye contact , and Angel said , " There 's pigs blood in the refrigerator . I usually have it in a mug that I warm up in the microwave . Will that bother you ? " Believing him , Angel got out some blood for himself . The two ate their breakfasts in companionable silence . When Luke was done , he got up and put his plate in the sink . Angel turned in his chair and asked , " Did you want to come into the office with me today , or would you rather stay here with Spike ? " Grinning , Angel walked over and invaded Luke 's personal space while putting his empty mug in the sink . He wrapped his arms around Luke 's middle , and said softly , " No promises , " before leaning in to kiss him . Angel could hear Gunn walking towards the kitchen , but didn 't stop what he was doing , wanting Gunn to find out sooner rather than later . Gunn stopped in his tracks , and just stared , trying to process what he was seeing . When the kiss ended , Angel said , " Morning Gunn , " without turning to look at him . Angel gestured to the table , and the two men sat down . He said , " I 've lived a long time . In my human years I was only with women . About twenty years after I was turned , Darla said she wanted to invite another man into our bed . I was very against the idea at first . But then when I saw who she had in mind " ngel looked down at the table and said , " He was human , barely sixteen . e did horrible things to him . ept him alive for days even when he begged for death . e was my first male . e 'd done similar things to hundreds of girls before that , but he sticks in my head . fter that I never denied her when she asked to bring a male home . " Angel brought his eyes up to meet Gunn 's . Gunn nodded in understanding . He 'd met Angelus . He knew how cruel he could be , and wasn 't surprised . Angel continued , " Then when I first had my soul back , I couldn 't bring myself to sleep with anyone for years . But because I lived in the allies and sewers , I constantly ran into lost souls trying to find a moment of happiness in their miserable lives . I was always able to refuse until I met a kid named Phillip . He was in his early twenties , and he 'd been living on the streets for three years as a prostitute . I found him in an ally beaten and bleeding . It took everything I had not to eat him when I smelled the blood . I picked him up to take him to a doctor , but he begged me not to , so I took him back to the abandoned barn I 'd been sleeping in . I helped him recover , and once he was healthy he was grateful . tried to resist , but after months of him following me around , I eventually gave in . " The room grew silent for a few seconds while Gunn mulled this new information over . Having had some time to recover from his initial shock , he said , " It will take some time to get used to the idea , but I can get past you liking men . But what 's with you and Luke ? He 's a client . We just met him . " " I know . I could hear and smell his attraction to me the instant we met , and after spending some time with him , I felt the same way . I could have resisted , but I didn 't want to . " With a sigh , Angel said , " We 've been over this before . Just because I have sex with someone doesn 't mean it 's a moment of perfect happiness . I didn 't turn into Angelus when I slept with Phillip . " Leaning forward , Gunn said , " I know that , but that kiss I just saw ? That wasn 't a one night stand kind of kiss . And the way your face looks when you talk about him ? That 's the look of a man falling in love . " Angel looked down at his hands on the table , knowing Gunn had a valid point , even if he didn 't want to admit it . Quietly he said , " I know things may get to that point at some time in the future , but it 's no where close to that yet . He 's still got feelings for Noah , and he was in love with someone else three months ago . It 's not going to be perfect any time soon . I want to wait until we hear from Willow before I talk to Luke about it " Luke woke up , rolled to the side , and reached a hand out for his lover . Finding the bed empty , he sat up and looked around . The clock on his nightstand read 7 : 08AM . Thinking it was odd that the vampire would be up before him , Luke got up , got dressed , and went out into the living room . He found Spike and Noah sitting on the couch together watching a black and white movie that he didn 't recognize . He said , " Did you guys stay up all night ? " Noah stood and gestured for Luke to follow him into the kitchen , where they would be less of an annoyance to the older vampire . Luke hesitated . He hadn 't been alone with Noah since that night at the bar , even though Noah had had his soul back , and been living at Angel 's house for over a week now . Knowing he couldn 't put it off forever , Luke forced his feet to move forward . Luke 's head snapped back up , " What ? No , of course not , Noah ! " He stepped closer to Noah , and pulled him into a tight hug as proof . " Don 't ever think that , okay ? " Some tears ran down Noah 's face while he hugged Luke back , but he hardly noticed . He 'd done a lot of crying over the past week and a half . " But after the things I did to you . . . " Luke kept his hands on Noah 's shoulders , but pushed him away far enough to look into his eyes when he said , " That wasn 't the real you . I know that . I knew it , even before I knew what was wrong with you . " " Then why ? " Luke let go of Noah 's shoulders , and walked over to the kitchen counter to start making himself some coffee . " Because of Angel . " Leaning against the counter , Luke said , " I guess I felt guilty . I came all the way out here , and hired Angel to find you , because I was worried about you . And then while you were going through the most traumatic experience in your life , I was falling in love with someone else . " Noah made eye contact and said , " I want you to be happy Luke . I still love you . You know that . But I can 't be with anyone right now , and I want you to be happy . If Angel makes you happy , then you should be with him . " Noah leaned against the counter too , and shrugged . " Okay I guess . Does it seem weird to you ? You haven 't really said much about it . " " Right before Willow came to curse your soul back into you , Angel and Spike sat the rest of us down and tried to explain it to us . They said that all new vampires have a kind of instinctual need for a Sire for a few years , but if they lose their real sire , that need is somehow intensified . I 'm not saying it 's not weird to see you being so submissive to him , because it is . ut better Spike than your real Sire . " Staring off into space , Noah whispered , " I still miss her . She 's cruel , she 's violent , she 's immoral , and I hate her . But a part of me misses her too , even though I know I could never tolerate being around her now . It 's not something I ever felt while I was human . I can 't describe it very well . It 's not a sexual feeling , and it 's not the same feeling I would have for a parent . It 's something else . " " I 'm sorry you miss her . " Noah made eye contact and smiled softly . " Don 't be . I feel the same way about Spike , and he 's someone I can actually look up to and have respect for . The fact that we both love movies has made the transition easier . And I haven 't had that much time to think about her with all the training we 've been doing . " Trying to make Luke feel better , Noah said , " Pleasing him makes me happy , so I guess you could say I like the training . Spike said I 'm already fairly good at it . Probably thanks to a childhood with Colonel Mayer . " Luke nodded and sipped his coffee . " Gunn , and I are going to go visit some of the homeless shelters in the area , so I can decide which one the foundation is going to donate to . Connor may come too if he gets out of class early enough . Then tonight , Angel said he 'd take me out to dinner . " " Yeah , he 's " oah trailed off . is eyes opened wide with surprise , and they darted to the kitchen door . uke looked behind him , but couldn 't see anything there . Luke saw Noah wince as if he 'd been hit , even though the voice had been mild . Forgetting that Luke was even in the room , Noah whispered , " I 'm sorry Sire . I forgot . " " Didn 't mean to what ? " Luke asked . Both vampires ignored him . Spike walked up to Noah , and gently carded his fingers through Noah 's hair . He said softly , " I know you didn 't mean to , and you stopped yourself before you did , but if you hadn 't heard me stand up , you might have . " Luke heard an inhuman and pitiful whine come from Noah 's throat . Spike kissed Noah 's forehead and said , " I am unhappy with you . You may not watch the rest of the movie with me . I 'll think about forgiving you when I 'm done watching it . " Spike got the pigs blood out of the refrigerator , and put a little in his coffee before taking a sip . Trying to be patient , Spike said , " So , Angel is my grandsire , and my new little childe feels the urge to please him almost as much as he feels the need to please me . He 's distraught when he realizes he isn 't making us happy . " They 'd been over this more than once , and Luke had seen enough of Noah 's behavior to know it was true , but it was still difficult for him to accept . " Okay , then why didn 't you reassure him , and tell him he was forgiven right away ? " Glaring , Spike raised his voice . " Having your soul shoved back down your gullet will do that to a man . Crying all day over nothing is a better way of dealing with it than the things I did . " Spike cocked his head to the side and listened as his childe 's weeping got louder . He said to the doorway , " Noah , turn some music on , and stop trying to listen to me . " Once he heard some music playing , Spike invaded Luke 's personal space and growled at him . " This argument is making it worse for him . " Swallowing hard , Luke backed up against he kitchen counter . Spike whispered , " Don 't muck about in things you don 't understand . You wanted him to have his soul back , but that doesn 't make him human again . I 've got a blood bond with him now , and I 'll do with him as I see fit . You will stay out of it , or we 'll move out for a few years . " Spike stormed out of the kitchen , muttering about grumpy grandsires who should mind their own business , and went to finish watching the movie with his crying childe in the room they were currently sharing . Once Spike was out of the room , Luke felt like he could breathe more comfortably . Angel pulled Luke into a hug , and said , " Sorry about that . " " Pretty damn quick . " Angel agreed , and let go of Luke . " Come on . Let 's head to the office before we end up in bed again . " |
I have friends who do art journals , so I thought maybe I 'd give it a try myself . I don 't do it every day , but when something catches my interest , or I want to try something new , I now have a place to play where there is no pressure to succeed . I didn 't have a proper journal when I started , so I just took a strip of good watercolour paper , and folded it accordion style . This was my first entry . The birds were borrowed from a photograph by Chris Cochems . When I did get a proper journal , I wasn 't sure what the pages cold handle , so I started with a watercolour wash , and then switched to the water soluable pencils . Watercolour pencils are fun , and you can take them , and a journal anywhere . I drew this girl in front of the TV . The journal has other things in it too , like when I got some molding paste , I messed around with it to give texture to an entry . Today I tried my first acrylic transfer . I 'm not sure if I succeeded or not , and I 'm not sure I 'm finished with it . This Christmas I noticed that several of the envelopes were decorated with various images , so I tore them off and arranged them on a page to make a little collage . There is no great art here , but I 'm learning lots of new techniques and I 'm doing something artistic almost every day now , instead of just once a week . That 's bound to help me progress eventually . While the rest of you are celebrating this fine Christmas morning , I 'm actually relaxing and enjoying a peaceful weekend . My Christmas has been postponed for two weeks this year . That 's the soonest I can gather my entire family under one roof , so I 'm quite willing to wait . Actually , once all the rest of you get to relax , I will probably start running around like a chicken with my head cut off . While I do have my tree up , most of my gifts aren 't even wrapped yet . In fact , I just bought some needed wrapping paper yesterday . We took my oldest on out for lunch at Swiss Chalet , just so he would feel like some special event happened at Christmas . He 's being so gracious about the delay , it only seemed fair . I also finally picked up a turkey yesterday , since I saw a nice sized one at a very good price . We won 't be eating that today . We 'll have a special treat of Cornish hen though , and we have some other goodies to make things a bit festivel . So , next week , while all of you are basking in the after Christmas glow , I 'll still be wrapping , and baking and making my meat pies and getting ready . Christmas isn 't a date on the calendar , it 's more of a state of mind and a feeling in your heart . May yours be everything you wanted it to be . I 've done it again . Saturday I slipped on the Post Office steps and am totally amazed I didn 't break a hip , or anything else for that matter . I have had a number of falls in the past couple of years . Thinking about it , three of them have been on that same hip so I must have good strong bones . The other two were face plants . One of those left me with road rash on my face for a couple of weeks , and the other one left me with tender knees for at least a year . I likely should have visited the doctor for both of those falls , but I didn 't . And when you fall on a hip and don 't break it , you just feel lucky and don 't bother to seek medical help then either . But this time it 's different . The steps were cement , and my feet went out from under me , so I fell like I would have on flat land , but with the corner of each step connecting with various parts of my body . I not only landed on my bottom on one step , but the edge of a step hit me on my backside one step higher . That 's the one I would have expected to shatter the hip bone . Another step got me across the back of both legs , so I have bruises there too . One ankle is also bruised , but I 'm sure I didn 't hit that unless I bounced and don 't remember it . My left arm connected with another step higher up , and my shoulder was bothering me a lot for a couple of days too . Basically , if it was on my left side , it hurts . The thing that 's concerning me the most now though , is an internal pain . I mean , I know I took quite a jolt , and likely shook everything up inside . While the bruised areas aren 't bothering me at all , this internal discomfort is likely worse than it was a couple of days ago . It 's not so bad that has me running for pain medications , but it 's somewhat uncomfortable . I 've never experienced this with any of my previous falls so I decided maybe I should get checked out , just in case I did damage to some internal organ . The weather man is calling for freezing rain . Just what I need when I want to walk across town to the Medical Centre . ( I don 't drive ) . It was slippery conditions that caused this fall , and I 'm not ready to try my luck again quite so soon . I decided to call Telehealth Ontario , to ask if they thought I needed to see the doctor , or if I could get away with bed rest . The first interviewer was very nice but quickly decided I should talk to a registered nurse . The nurse was on another line , but called me back within a few minutes . She asked me a series of questions , and then gave her recommendations . She said I should see my doctor within the next 24 hours , and that if I decided to take something for the pain , Tylenol was the safest thing for someone my age . I called the doctor 's office to make an appointment , and I think that saying Telehealth Ontario told me to actually got me in sooner . The timing means I 'll have to cancel , or postpone an appointment I already had to get my hearing aid fixed tomorrow , but this is likely more important . Now watch the pain magically disappear before I get there . This week I have been testing a Chatelaine recipe again . Usually I have a list of them and have to choose at least two to test , but this time it was just one recipe and we all tested the same one . All I can tell you about that , at this point , was that it was definitely the easiest thing I 've ever made , and that it was a big hit with the hubby . In other words , it will be added to my recipe file for sure . The first one I did was a refrigerator cookie . We taste tested them and decided my old recipe was better , so the second roll of them is still in the freezer . They will look pretty on the Christmas platter , but I doubt that I will make them again . The other one I made was called Chocolate - Date Truffles , and it was really fiddly , and because of that , I figured I 'd never make it again . That was until I tasted them . Oh my , but they are soooooo good ! I suggested a method that would help with the construction of these , but I see they have come up with one of their own . If cooling the mix down first doesn 't work for you , just oil your hand every so often , so the mixture doesn 't stick to it . I had a friend who had a hip replaced just about the time I did all this testing . I took her over some of these treats and she loved them so much she has even volunteered to come and help me , so that I will make some more . I think I 'll take her up on that too , so she can take half of them home . They are so good I 'd have a hard time staying out of them . It would be better if I shared the batch , just for my waistline 's sake ! It 's the middle of November and some of us are starting to think about Christmas shopping . Do you have little kids on your list this year ? I just want to remind you about something , in case you do . My youngest grandson came for a visit this weekend . He 's not quite 3 yet . We have lots of toys here , left over from when my own kids were small . I keep an assortment of them in my linen closet , where they are easy for the kids to get at . As is usually the case , many of the toys were out of the closet in no time , and scattered all over the living room . I don 't mind this . I love to watch kids play . Now this particular little critter thinks it 's great fun to hide . He 'll go under the kitchen table , or behind a chair , where , in either case , it is very easy to see him . But if you pretend you can 't , he will sit very quietly for much longer than anyone would ever expect . He 's normally a very busy little boy . He was playing in the living room , with the toys , and occasionally deciding to hide . Then he went to the closet , I assumed , to see what it was he had not dug out of there yet . But he got awful quiet , so I went to look . He was gone . I called him and got no response . He was hiding again . He did a much better job of it this time , as he took all the remaining toys out of the closet , put himself in , and then quietly closed the door . He likely dusted the closet out for me in the process , but he not only had a new hiding place , but a fort of sorts . He was quite happy in there for a while . Then , when he came out , he discovered that an empty cereal box made a good ramp for his Monster trucks to jump off of . That amused him , and Grandpa for quite a while too . What I 'm saying to you people is that it takes the simplest things to amuse little people . You don 't need to spend big bucks to make them happy , or to get good play value . Little kids are quite capable of amusing themselves if you provide something that they can use to kick start their imaginations . Posted by There is a new Tim Horton 's commercial to promote the lasagna dish they have just added to their menu . Three people gather for lunch . Two men and a women . Now , look at it from the new politically correct standards . There 's a woman , a person with an obvious ethnic background , and a white guy . It used to be that we would say there was a token woman , and a token ethnic person , but by now we are so used to seeing this sort of gathering that it doesn 't immediately sink in . What does sink in rather quickly is that the white guy is made to look somewhat idiotic in this commercial . For years I 've been hearing that it is becoming harder and harder to get a job is you are a Canadian white male . Apparently that 's because various businesses and services now feel the need to hire a certain number of woman and people from various ethnic groups so that they cannot be accused of discrimination . In a way , this is reverse discrimination against an otherwise fully qualified white male as it makes that many jobs less available to him . Sometimes magazines offer a free issue to get you interested in their publication . I often accept these offers and even if I can 't handle a new subscription at that point in time , I do make note of the magazines I might like to have later on . I 'm a magazine junkie , and always have at least four subscriptions at any given time . I also really like free reading material , so if something is offered for free , I 'm likely to take it . The thing is , in recent years , the publishers have taken to sending the invoice before the free issue has even arrived . This bugs me to the point where I have been known to send them a note telling them that while offering a free issue is a great way to advertise , sending a bill before I 've even seen their publication kind of counteracts their good will intentions . Last July I decided I would accept the offer for a free trial issue to a magazine I have never seen before . It only comes out 4 times a year , so I knew I likely had to wait a while before the next issue would arrive in my mail box . As I 've now come to expect , the invoice arrived . I put it aside to wait for the magazine . When it came I would decide whether to pay it or cancel the possible subscription . The magazine didn 't come but a second invoice eventually did . That 's when I let them know that I was still waiting for the TRIAL issue . I got an e - mail with an apology , telling me " A trial issue does take about 6 to 8 weeks so it should be arriving by the end of this month . Please hold on to the notice and disregard any due dates on there until you receive the first issue . " Another month went by and yesterday along came another invoice . This one said that if I have not sent my payment within the past 30 days they will suspend my subscription . Well , of course I had not sent the payment , as I still had not seen the trial issue . By this time I 'm sure they have no intention of sending me anything until I pay for it . If I 'm not getting the issue they promised , perhaps I 'd never get the ones I pay for either . I suggested they cancel the order as even if I like the magazine , I don 't think I like the service . And they did . Apparently they don 't understand that a trial issue is a good selling point and now they have lost a customer . I got on Facebook last night and asked the question , " Where are all the kids ? " They were more than half an hour later getting started , and few and far between . By the end of the night , I 'd had only 56 total . And come to think of it , there were no cars on the street either . That 's a good thing , safety wise , but also means the parents in the outlying countryside didn 't bring their kids into the village either . News reports apparently stated that it was expected that there would be fewer kids this Halloween than there ever has been in the past 40 years . I had noticed that there didn 't seem to be as many children around as when I was raising mine , but thought that was because the population of my village was aging . I guess there was an age group that didn 't bother to reproduce for a while there . Thankfully , I see lots of babies these days , so I guess I can expect more kids at Halloween in a couple more years . In the meantime , I had a bit of fun anyway . My Red Hat chapter gathered at a local restaurant yesterday morning to have a Witch 's Breakfast . We let our Red Hatter 's protocol slide for the day , and came dressed as witches instead . Being Halloween , most of the people in the restaurant never even batted an eye , but we did manage to amuse a few people , including ourselves . We might have to try this again sometime in the middle of the year , just for the shock value alone . That could be fun . In July we went to Herbfest . Among other interesting things we saw there I found someone selling packaged soup mixes that appealed to me . I do make soup from scratch but there were some interesting ideas among her products . Determined not to buy more than one , I finally settled on the Tortilla Soup mix . It contains nothing but good stuff : dried black beans , dried corn , red and green bell peppers , spices , salt , garlic and green onion . All you do is add some canned tomatoes and water and within half an hour you have a very tasty soup . We put some broken tortilla chips and grated cheese on top and enjoyed it very much as our supper last night . This package , by the way , comes from Victoria Epicure Inc . I 'm now searching for a recipe to make my own . If I don 't find one I like as much , I 'll be ordering in a supply of their packaged stuff . I like it that much ! Meanwhile stand by for Chatelaine 's issue with the great Christmas cookies I tested a couple of months ago . It should be out anytime now , as they just contacted me to see if I still wanted to test recipies for them . I 'm looking forward to the next culinary adventure . You may remember that during the summer I got invited to sit and paint in a beautiful hosta garden as part of a fund raiser . People who would also be going for a lovely tea in a local church basement toured the garden throughout the afternoon . I had never tried to paint in public before , and decided , since acrylics dry much too fast for me outdoors , that I 'd work in watercolour . Well , I didn 't think it would be very interesting to have others watching paint dry , so I got three different hosta paintings started before I arrived , and then worked on which ever ones were dry enough to proceed . It was an interesting day for me , and I hope those wandering through enjoyed it too . I never would have had the courage though , if it had not been for the fact that we were supposed to wear hats , since the event was called Hats and Hostas . I have a hat that I thought would get more attention than anything I was painting , so that gave me courage . Summer is over , but I thought I should share those paintings , now that they are finished . Tell me , do you like one better than the rest ? Posted by Claudette Hart , also known as the Gourd Lady , used to be a potter , but now she has turned her hand to gourds instead . Before that she was a teacher , and in this segment of the CTV Ottawa Morning Show , she proves that she still knows how to get even the biggest kids to do as she tells them . Claudette had guest artist Heather Snow at her house during the tour again this year . Heather is a highly imaginative artist and you never know what she will come up with next . Last year there was a tower of teapots that totally fascinated me . This year she was working on a gauntlet made entirely out of old silver spoons and forks . What is she going to come up with next ? You could keep an eye on her webpage to find out . I have been using Trend Micro Titanium Maximum Security for a month now It has generated a monthly report , to let me know what it has been able to prevent . In the past month it has apparently blocked 9 Web Threats and terminated 1 Unauthorized Change . It has also eliminated well over a hundred cookies I didn 't set up . It left the good ones though , and I was still able to be recognized by all my favorite sites . This report can easily be expanded to see exactly what has been eliminated . This morning I decided to finally do the System Tune up . I had been putting that off as I wasn 't sure just what it would change . But I see it created a Restore Point , so if I find things don 't work as they should , I can always put the computer back into the state it was before it got tuned up . Well , the tune up freed up 4 . 07GB of space . That 's a lot , and I 'm impressed . But it also got rid of what I consider to be my good cookies . I find I now have to log in to the many sites I go to that require a password , as the system no longer automatically recognizes me . I hope I can remember all my passwords , or I 'll have to have those sites e - mail them to me . Once I 'm in , of course , their system will remember me again . . . . until the next tune up anyway . Trend Micro lets you schedule that for once a month , but I 'm not sure I 'll allow that yet . Another thing I notice is that I now have to type in the URL 's I go to on a regular basis . I have not had to do that in a long time , as Internet Explorer 8 remembers those for you , and auto finishes the web address . Well , I 'll have those all reestablished soon too , as I do tend to go to many of the same sites day after day . One wonders though , since I now see the green highlighted go ahead and click links quite clearly , how I managed to hit so many possible web threats . Well , okay , so I get a lot of newsletters with links and yes , I enter a fair number of contests , and . . . . . okay so I admit I did hit a few of those grey links as well as the green ones . I did see some links highlighted in red , and avoided those though . One has to wonder how much trouble I got into before I had Trend Micro to protect me ! Recently a friend was moving from her big house in the country to a much smaller place in the city . She had a TV to get rid of , and she offered it to me . My old TV was starting to get lines at the top of the screen , but I would have lived with it for a while yet , as this isn 't the best time of year for me to be spending money on a new replacement . I asked her what she wanted for her used one , and she told me she just wanted to get rid of it . It wouldn 't cost me anything , but I would have to come pick it up on a specific date . I saw it and it looked good , and worked fine , so I lined up my hubby and son to help get it home . It 's a 27 inch conventional style television and weighs much too much for me to have been of any help at all . This is where the problem came in . I didn 't have a stand to put it on . It was too big for the stand I had been using for my 19 inch one . I decided to try FreeCycle , and put out a request . I quickly got two responses . The first one sounded promising , but when we went to fetch it , it turned out to be smaller than the one we had previously been using . We stopped by the son 's place and found out he still had the old stand he got from us years ago . But when we got it home , it was too small too . We had an old desk in the garage , so we dragged it in , and set the TV on that . It just barely fit . The little legs under the TV were half on and half off at the edges of the desk , and I worried that this big front heavy TV might be easy to tip over if our little grandchildren came to visit . The desk was 30 inches high , and we found ourselves looking up . Having this larger TV was like having an elephant in the room , especially with it up in the air like that . The second offer I had from FreeCycle was for a cabinet but it stood 33 inches tall . It was obvious that wouldn 't do either . I started looking at stands in the stores . They are now made mostly just to support the newer flat screen televisions . And even then , it would cost more for one of them than it would cost me for a new TV of the size I was used to . I likely would have decided to upsize my TV the next time we bought one , but I 'm sure glad I found out about all this now , as it would have instantly cost us a lot more than expected , given that we would have needed a new stand too . It 's one of those things I never thought about before . Luckily , one of the ladies at my paint class is also planning to sell her house , and she had just the thing at her place that she was more than happy to part with . So now the 27 inch television has a new home , and I think it looks fine sitting in my TV corner . There is no place to put the VCR or DVD player at the moment , but we don 't use them often anyway , so that 's not really a problem . Will I buy a new large TV someday ? That 's a question I still don 't have an answer to . But you can be sure it will have a flat screen so we can put it on a proper stand . At least now I know I 'll have to work that into the budget when the time times . I was given a pot of tulips for my birthday last spring . I 've been meaning to plant those bulbs this fall , so I 'd have flowers in the garden next spring ( assuming the deer don 't know enough to come looking for them ) . The pot was sitting out in my flower garden . It had been there all summer as I had let the tulip leaves sit in the sun gathering strength for next year . Well , it 's now officially fall , and the squirrels are busy gathering food to get them through the winter . Suddenly some smart squirrel thought to check the pot for bulbs . He found one and took it away to hide , then came back , tipped the pot on it 's side , and made sure he got every bulb that was in there . He was so grateful , he brought me a gift . A beechnut was tucked neatly into the corner by my doorway . I 'm not sure that was a fair exchange but I don 't remember a squirrel ever trying to pay for what he took before . Maybe this one is part pack rat . This week Walmart is advertising a Black & Decker Bread Maker for $ 38 . This model is regularly $ 79 . 96 and I suggested my hubby go get this thing and put it away for me for Christmas . It 's not something I would buy for myself , but I did think it would make a great gift . . . . for both of us actually . Well , we were out shopping yesterday and there was a Walmart nearby , so we went over there to look for this gadget . We found the housewares area and walked up and down those isles numerous times . There wasn 't much sign of any organization there , and the darn thing could have been anywhere within a couple of isles . We could not find it , but my hubby eventually located a store employee . This was amazing to me as I couldn 't see any sign of one . In fact , the man he found didn 't look like a store employee to me , and I later asked how he knew he was one . It seems he had some sort of key or something hanging around his neck , and was spotted gathering up empty shopping carts . Hmmmmmm . . . . . . . Anyway , this fellow consulted the flyer , and then looked around too . He ended up saying there was a big truck unloading at the back door , and perhaps this item was still on the truck . He also said he couldn 't be sure of that until after the truck was unloaded . But he did assure me that they would have some . That shopping trip , by the way was 12 miles to the west of me . Today , we went 12 miles to the east , where there happens to be another Walmart . We went in to see if we could find the bread maker there . Well , the isles were definitely better organized , but once again we discovered we could not locate the item in question . A store employee was more easily located here also , but she just said they didn 't have any . So , why is Walmart advertising a product they are obviously not carrying ? I think it 's just a trick to get me through the door . I don 't usually shop at Walmart , and I 've once again been reminded why . Mine felt really short . It got off to a late start , with lots of rain . Then the bugs came and after that it got too hot to do what we like to do most . . . . Geocache . You know fall is upon us when people start to clean up their gardens . I 've only recently started on mine . It 's way overgrown from the past few years of . . . . . laziness , I guess . Actually , I suffer from something they call Chronic Fatigue Syndrome . I used to be very active , and my garden was beautiful . Every year it got a little bigger . I would divide some perennials and always have some left over after finding homes for as many as possible . I 'd dig up another piece of land and plant them there . Then my life changed , and after no more than 30 minutes just deadheading the plants , it 's like someone pulls the plug on my energy supply . The garden has now gotten way ahead of me and I don 't like how it 's been looking the past couple of years . My energy levels have not been bad lately ( knock on wood ) and the weather has been nice , without being overly hot , so I decided to just go dig and see if I can improve at least some corner of this tangle of plants . I started at the far end of the strip out back . There is a peony there , and I won 't touch that , but almost everything else is being uprooted . Some of it I don 't even remember what was growing there . I saved wee bits of that , and discarded the rest . I moved one patch of columbine over to be with the rest , and moved one small bunch of iris over next to the peonies , as I know they bloom about the same time . The bigger patch of iris got dug out yesterday . I just put them in a bag , and can plant them anywhere , any time or give them away . I do have lots more of that particular colour . Right now , I suddenly have a bare spot large enough to transplant part of the old fashioned rose that 's living at the corner of my vegetable garden . I 'll let the man handle the digging and moving of that . It 's prickly and he 's tough . Did I say vegetable garden ? Ha . It hasn 't been that for several years now . The deer always got more of whatever I planted than I did , so I gave up . The birds kindly planted some blackberries , and I 've let those grow . I usually get enough berries to make a few nice desserts and still put some in the freezer for winter months . That 's a much better harvest than anything I ever tried to grow in the way of actual vegetables . I do put a net over the blackberries , to protect them from the birds . Mind you , the birds still sit on the upper vines and push the net down so they get a good share . All the berries I get , I notice , come from underneath , where I have to carefully reach my hands through the thorns to get them . The easy ones on top are all gone . The robins this year didn 't even seem to mind sharing with me while they were there . They just stayed there , looking at me while I picked my share a few times . I wish I 'd had the camera with me for that . While I usually really enjoy the fall colours , this year I find I 'm sad to see the leaves changing . I guess I just don 't feel like I 've had enough summer yet . The weatherman did promise us an unusually long and warm autumn . One can only hope . . . . . Last week I was testing Chatelaine recipes , and this week I 'm testing Trend Micro Titanium Maximum Security . I 'm not only an official recipe tester for Chatelaine magazine , but also a Bzz Agent . The best advertising is always word of mouth so I have been supplied with this new security product so that I can try it for myself , and let the rest of you know what I think . I don 't have to convince anyone to like a product . I just give my honest impressions . The first thing I notice is that the links are now all highlighted on every page I go to . Green means it 's been checked and is safe . Grey means it 's questionable , though that might just mean Trend Micro hasn 't actually checked that link yet . I did see one Orange link so far , which seemed to be a caution . I imagine a truly dangerous link would be Red , but I don 't know for sure as I have not come across any of those yet ( and hope I don 't ) . I 'd like to point out that Trend Micro did NOT attempt to uninstall anything . I uninstalled all previous protection myself before installing the new product . It is my experience that these things do not always work in tandem and I wanted to give it a fair chance . Mind you , I don 't know if it would have tried to remove it if I hadn 't done it first . This morning I had a notice that there was a monthly report ready . Well , since I haven 't had this thing for a full month , I reduced it down to the past week ( even though I haven 't had it that long either ) . It showed I had a Web Threat at some point . Trend Micro Titanium Maximum Security also has a lot of other functions too , including Parental Control . That might come in handy when my grandsons visit . So far , I 'm liking it . I 'm going to do a full scan later today . I wonder what that will find . I 'm copying this entry from my geocaching blog . My original geocaching blog had a good following , and this blog does also , but I since I could not connect the two I created a new geocaching blog , connected to this account . People aren 't really finding that one so I may give up trying to keep the two separate in the future . I have acquired a new GPS . I have a cyber buddy who recently became interested in geocaching , after listening to me tell my tales for the past 4 years . When he showed me some screen captures of what his gadget could do , I knew it solved my problem . Normally , when we go geocaching , I print off a stack of pages for the caches we want to find . Sometimes we don 't do all of them and I store the left overs in a binder . The binder has become rather full , and really , that 's a big waste of paper and ink if we never go looking for those caches . . . . or if I get frustrated looking for the right ones and print off new ones . My friend 's new GPS is a paperless model . That means that he can see whatever is on the web page , right there on the GPS . He does not have to print off a hard copy like I have had to do . He also downloaded some more detailed maps , and I can tell you that the maps that come with these units don 't show any of the back roads we would normally be travelling , or for that matter the highway that runs through my village . Oh sorry , it 's now a county road . . . . but still , it should be on there . I had been considering getting either a laptop or a tablet , so we could look up caches where ever we might be . Of course , you can 't always get a signal , so I was hesitating . Until my friend showed me his Dakota20 , I didn 't know you could get a paperless GPS . He had told me what he paid , and thought he got a good bargain . Then suddenly GPS City was advertising the Dakota20 for a lot less than even my friend paid . And the sale was only good for a couple of days . Well I have a GPS , so at first I ignored the sale . Then I thought a bit , and realized the main reason I wanted a tablet , or whatever , was so we could go geocaching where ever we might be . The GPS was certainly a lot cheaper than a tablet or a laptop , and it would save me a fortune in paper and ink as well . I quit hesitating and ordered it . Then the fun began . My friend insisted that I would find the Dakota20 a lot more useful if I downloaded a better map . There are some you can buy , and there are some you can get for free . I opted to try a free one first , but the Canadian ones were no longer available for direct download so it was suggested I get one by something called Bit Torrent . What the heck is that ? I went to watch the video that was supposed to guide me though that , but it started out by trying to get me to download the thing that had been disabled . So much for that . My friend jumped in and sent me a couple of map files to try , but he didn 't tell me how to load them , no matter how many times I asked . Now , let 's consider that I have found at least 209 caches so far , without the aid of a fancy map . That includes the 4 I 've located since this new gadget arrived this week . We could carry on as we always have , and I 'd only have to print a map of the area we were about to cover . That still saves a lot of paper and ink . But I 'm stubborn , and decided to keep trying , just to see if a fancier map would really make that much of a difference . Today I finally figured out how to do it . It took me 3 days . . . . and I used to think I was pretty good at this technical stuff . When I opened that map though , it wasn 't any different than the one I already had . . . . other than that it didn 't have the geocaches I 'd loaded onto the other one . Back to square one . But at least now I have a clue how to get the maps to show up on the GPS . I 'll try the other map file tomorrow . I hope loading and deleting multiple maps doesn 't fragment the drive on the GPS as that could slow things down . This is new territory for me , so if you have any advise , I 'd be happy to listen . Posted by I recently mentioned I was asked to sit in a garden full of hostas and paint for the afternoon . Well , this was certainly an new experience . I 've never painted hostas before , and I 've certainly never painting where others could watch me before either . I just finished the first of 3 hosta paintings I started for that event . It was rather an ambitious undertaking , and since I finished it just in time for the fair , I decided to enter it to see how it would do . Usually I win something for my paintings , and that 's always a great way for me to get the encouragement I need to continue . I 've never pretended to be an artist , but I do like to paint . Well , this one didn 't win anything at the fair . Actually , the acrylic one didn 't either . I was more surprised by that as I really thought it would catch someone 's attention . Oh well . Maybe there was a lot more competion this year . That 's not a bad thing , since when I first started entering paintings in the fair , it was because the quality of what I was seeing there was such that I figured these people just slapped some paint on some paper at the last minute , just so they could enter something . It made me feel like I had a chance , and I did well . Now , I know that I 'm a lot better now than I was then , so it 's not that I 've gone downhill , but rather that the competition has gotten better . That 's certainly okay with me . It makes for a much better show . I have an apple tree in the back yard . About this time if year it starts dropping apples and I go out and pick them up . I sort them into baskets of those that will go directly into the trash , and those that I may be able to get some good bits off of , to make apple sauce and the occasional pie . I haven 't sprayed the tree in years , due to windy conditions , so most end up in the trash . The trick as always been to get out there first thing in the morning and get all the new apples picked up . If I waited , the wasps , slugs , ants , and crows would beat me to them and it 's amazing how quickly they gobble them up . The squirrels also help themselves , and one year I even found proof that a bear had come to check out my tree . One year we had been away for a few days and when we came back there were more than the usual number of apples on the ground . I went out to get them later in the day , when there were lots of wasps about . I got a bucket and a shovel , and I carefully scooped up the apples and dropped them into the bucket . When the bucket was full , I 'd slide the shovel through the bucket 's handle and pick it up that way so it would be a safe distance away . As I was being careful , the wasps were still with the apples as I took them to the garden and dumped them there . I had made several trips when my hubby came around the house and spotted me . I could see by the look on his face that he was alarmed . Here I was , in my shorts and sandals , totally surrounded by wasps flying low to the ground . I was afraid he would excite them so I quickly told him to calm down and go away . I told him I was fine , that I 'd been there , doing that , for the past half hour and I was in no danger of being stung unless he got the wasps excited . I think of this now , as I 've just come in from picking up apples . There were no wasps . None . No slugs or earwigs either . Heck , this year the crows aren 't even bothering to sit in the tree and pick at the apples until they fall off . Only the occasional squirrel has helped himself to an apple this year . That 's fine with me , but I 'm finding it very strange . Where are the wasps ? For that matter , where are the slugs and earwigs ? And why have the crows suddenly decided my apples aren 't worth the effort ? Ha . Come to think of it , I haven 't bothered with them myself this year . Any I 've picked up have gone straight to the trash . I have only tasted a couple of bites off of two of them so far , but have not even thought about trying to cook some up . When the tree was in full bloom this year , a big wind came and blew most of the blossoms off . Usually I 'm all worn out from processing them by now . Luckily for me , there aren 't many out there this year . Maybe I 'll look forward to a good crop next year . Maybe I 'll have to fight for my share again . Maybe . . . . . . I 'm an official recipe tester for Chatelaine magazine . ( see Working in an Official Capacity and Kitchen Experience ) . I turned down the last assignment because it was for gluten free recipes , and I didn 't want to have to buy strange flours I 'd never use again . I told them that and also told them I hoped that wouldn 't knock me off the list for future assignments . The recipes I didn 't want to test can be found in the September issue . Now they are lining up testers to do some baking , I can only assume is for the Christmas season . I was contacted and I jumped at the chance . I was sent 10 recipes and I have to bake at least 2 of them . I didn 't have too much trouble narrowing down which recipes I 'm going to try . I may do as many as 4 , but I 've only got a couple of weeks , so we 'll see . I can 't tell you any more than that . You will have to wait patiently until the issue comes out to know specifically what recipes I tested . Let 's just hope I don 't gain too much weight taste testing along the way . If I didn 't mention The Basket Case in Morrisburg , I 'm giving it the highest rating for where to have lunch , or even just dessert . It was the first time we 've ever been there , and you can be sure it won 't be the last . If things like Whiskey Apple Cake , or Raspberry Port Cake ( it 's chocolate ) don 't tempt you , then maybe a nice piece of quiche and a lovely salad for just $ 6 . 99 might get you in the door . As you can see , the walls are lined with local art , and there are other lovely gift items at the front of the shop too . Well worth a stop , even if you aren 't hungry . We did locate a Stone Cold Creamery in the Tim Hortons across the street from where we saw Sir John Eh ? on Friday night . ( our previous search ) The play was in an old stone church and it was quite hot in there , so an ice cream treat seemed like a perfect way to end the evening . It 's a good thing we were hot , and that the ice cream was good . These treats cost us over $ 11 . . . . but now we can at least say we tried them . We had the medium size in a waffle cup . You can get a smaller one , in a normal paper cup for somewhat less . Mine was raspberry ice cream with blueberries and strawberries mixed in . Hubby 's was vanilla with crushed oreo cookies , chocolate chips and chocolate syrup . There were lots of other choices and apparently you can even just tell them what you want and they will mix it to your specifications . We also took in the Sheep Dog Trials , down near Kingston on Saturday . This was an extremely well organized event , and if you have never been , I recommend it . There were more than just sheep dogs there , and if you wanted something a little more exciting , there were wolves and tigers and eagles and other interesting things to see . I 'm not sure I 'd have put my small child in the front row . This tiger may have been just a young one , but those kids still look too much like tiger food to me . A couple of years back a cousin of mine tried to convince me that we were related to Sir John A . Macdonald , Canada 's first Prime Minister . I had not heard of this before , and decided to try to find the connection . My great grandmother was Catherine Macdonald , but if you 've ever looked at the Macdonald family you would immediately notice that there are an over abundance of Johns , James , Hughs , Alexanders and Catherines . It 's not easy to keep them all straight , but I 'm sure I did rule out any possibility of any direct line relationship . His only son that survived to adulthood , Hugh John Macdonald , who became the Premier of Manitoba married , but had no children . That was the end of the family line on the male side , and any females would , of course , have changed names upon marrying . I 've been asked to check out lines from Sir John 's brothers , or even his father 's brothers . I will if I ever get time . But really , I suspect my cousin 's parents just told her that to make her feel special . I remember my own Dad telling me I was a direct descendant of some Greek royalty , but I don 't believe that 's true either . I 'm sure he just wanted me to feel like a princess . Last night we went to see a play called Sir John Eh ? which was advertised as a musical comedy . There was music , and the odd funny bit here and there , but mostly it tried to pass on historical bits about Sir John and his life and career . He was a bit of a scoundrel and a well known drunk . Here 's a wee excerpt from the play : John A . : I never took bribes for my own use . I may have spent a few tax dollars at Mrs . Grimason 's tavern . On my constituents . It was the custom of the day . Courtney : But you did takes bribes . John A . : To pass along to others . Of course . Wheels don 't turn if they don 't have grease . Buy a man a drink , you 've got his vote . Unless he 's a Methodist . Make him a senator , he 's yours for life . Bribery is an essential tool of government . Let me give you an example . ( Sets the scene ) I was fresh from winning the election in ' 87 , giving my usual " Canadians have spoken their minds " speech - " Not for sacks of Yankee gold , " sort of thing . . . Shortly after that the modern day character named Courtney blamed Sir John for setting a precedent for all the politicians we have today . A bunch a corrupt bunch of liers , was the gist of what she called them . And it was all his fault ! The play went on to indicate that he managed to impregnate the above mentioned Mrs Grimason during a time when both his first wife and her husband were still alive . In fact , the play made it look like his wife died while he was at the tavern for the night . He went away for several months and and when he returned he had married a woman that the play indicated was such a snob her nose dented her forehead . He claimed that was his biggest mistake , as he would rather have taken up with the widowed Mistress of the bar . That may have just been part of the play too . Who knows ? It seems Tim Horton 's now has Stone Cold Creamery at some of their locations . I 've got a coupon so that if I buy one ice cream treat , I get another one for free . I knew there was no ice cream at any of the Tim Horton 's around here , so I put in my postal code and did a search for the nearest location where this would be available . The search came up with two possibilities . One was on Bank Street in Ottawa , and the other was in Elgin Ontario , which is down highway 15 toward Kingston . I couldn 't believe that , so I double checked it . It was decided that today would be a good day to go geocaching , so we decided to go to Elgin for an ice cream treat . Of course , once we got there , there was not only no Stone Cold Creamery , there wasn 't even a Tim Hortons . That really was no surprise , but it 's strange that the search engine brings it up as if there were . And that would indicate that I needed to go all the way to the 401 to get the ice cream . But for some reason it still says Elgin Ontario . . . which is not near the 401 . Just a sneaky way to get people to go to Elgin perhaps ? Sunday we spent a few minutes at Merrickville 's Canalfest . There were the usual craft vendors , silent auction , Voyageur Canoe Race and , of course , musical entertainment . One thing I notice , at all the craft fair events , is that there are an over abundance of jewelry makers out there this year . The only interest I have in those stalls is to see if anybody has come up with something different that I might like to try making myself . A few of them sell interesting beads and pendants , as well as jewelry . It 's just a good thing I have enough stuff around the house waiting to be strung up as it is , as I 've seen some interesting ones over the past few days . I have been able to resist , however . Next year , when I 'm looking for such things , there won 't likely be any . First stop on a Sunday is always the Kemptville Farmer 's Market . There are a lot of different farmer 's markets in the area , and I like to visit them , when I can . I think the Kemptville one is the best though . There is always a wide variety of vendors there , and there seems to be a lot of good sampling to be had too . I experienced pickled jalapeno peppers ( I saw " Pickle " and it was green , so I got a surprise when I tasted that ! ) , a couple of different shortbreads ( I liked the one with the toffee bits ) , and a few different kinds of strange looking cucumbers and tomatoes . The highlight of this market trip was these interesting vegetables are grown in Oxford Mills by Luke Swale . I was told that they plan to grow something new and different every year . Check out their website at http : / / www . earthsharvestfarm . ca / . Personally , I 'm bookmarking that one . I came home with a nice loaf of bread and an assortment of freshly dug potatoes . I likely should have made off with a few of those cute cucumbers too . Oh well , maybe next time . . . . . |
The girls decided to swap personalities for the day . Let me start off by saying , yes , I 'm 100 percent sure Izzie is Izzie and Maddie is Maddie . They just sure aren 't acting like it today . It actually started in the middle of the night last night . Izzie woke up at 3am to nurse . She hasn 't done that in a while . It 's been Maddie doing that . So while I was nursing her , I was trying to get a good look at her in the dark and make SURE it was Izzie . John was out of town last night so , I put them down myself . It was Izzie . I didn 't think too much of it , I mean their sleep schedules are far from etched in stone . But when Maddie went all the way to 6am without waking up , I started to wonder again . This morning , when I turned on the light I made sure each twin was who I thought they were . So , they just slept differently . Okay . Well yesterday I started giving them breakfast . So we are now doing 3 meals a day ! The doctor yesterday recommended adding dairy in the form of cheese and yogurt . So I bought some cottage cheese yesterday . I mixed it with blueberries for the morning meal . I was afraid Maddie would gag on the new texture . She didn 't love it , but she didn 't gag . . . Izzie did ! I decided to puree the cottage cheese . It wasn 't the texture , they didn 't like the taste . I 'll try again , they do that sometimes with new foods , but it just threw me for a loop again that Maddie was more willing to try it than Izzie . Izzie is usually my adventure eater ! We played this morning and the weather was beautiful so we went on a long walk . After a 1hr 15min ( ! ! ! ) nap I tried giving them a lunch . Mangos and Rice . They 've had that several times before . Izzie started bawling and Maddie ate her portion . Now , Izzie is laying in the swing ( Maddie 's favorite spot ) and Maddie is playing contently in the excersaucer . I wonder if this is " try sissy 's personality on for a day " or a switcheroo completely ? And again , yes , I 'm 1000 percent sure I didn 't mix them up ! Today was the girls 9 month check up . The good news : They are doing great and didn 't have to have any shots ! No bad news to report . Doctor Lanman said that the girls were doing excellent in every aspect . They are growing great , developing great and she said they are so cute ! She is a doctor , so that must be an important thing ! Here are their official stats : Madeline Elizabeth : Head circumference : 17 . 25 " Weight : 17 lbs 3 ozHeight : 27 . 5 " Isabelle Dawn : Head circumference : 17 " Weight : 16 lbs 14 ozHeight : 28 " Now for an image of foreshadowing . . . No , Izzie didn 't pull herself up , I helped her , but she stayed up long enough for a few photos ! Izzie and Maddie playing . Maddie is more interested in crawling than pulling up . She also likes things that aren 't " toys . " Both girls like to put stuff into things . Next to Maddie is a clear plastic container . They love putting smaller objects in it and then dumping them out . What a day . It started with the girls waking up really , really early . John brought them downstairs where they promptly fell back asleep . The morning went fairly well , and then they went down for a 2 hour nap . It shocked us . I remember fondly the days of 3 hour naps , now if we get an hour we are shocked . After naptime I went to Lowes and bought some Mums . They were on sale for 74cents a pot . I got a bunch . My plan was to put the girls on a blanket in the front yard so they could play while I dug up the flower bed . While we were getting ready ( sunscreen , gathering up toys and a blanket ) Maddie took her first crawling " steps ! " She did it twice , moved about a foot each time . She was after the sunscreen bottle . She likes things that don 't look like toys . We were so excited ! Anyway , the yard didn 't work out so great . They loved laying on the lawn in Tahoe , we figured it 'd be the same . I did manage to get my flowers planeted , but John ended up bring the girls back inside . Izzie fell asleep in the jumper . After I got all cleaned up the girls were getting fussy so I decided to give them a snack while I tried to get the kitchen cleaned up for tonight . ( Everyone is coming over for cake and dinner for Mom 's birthday . ) I gave them a Gerber wagon wheel and some blueberries . I turned my babies purple . They liked the blueberries , but they got them everywhere . Somehow , the babies got cleaned ( mostly ) the kitchen got cleaned ( mostly ) and Rhonda just showd up for dinner . Whew . I 'm exhausted . Some flowers I bought . They were pretty and red . I bought a lot of yellow mums . I hope they live ! Mom , Chris , the girls and I went to a Greek Food Festival today . I think the girls enjoyed it . The place was jam packed with people . It was so croweded I had a hard time manuevering the stroller . We ate a ton of food . We got gyros and greek salad , Chris got some kind of pasta dish , and of course we had to sample all of the desserts . There was a few shops and a cooking demonstration , which we missed . There were cute little kids dressed up in authentic Greek costumes that did some dances for the crowds . The girls enjoyed some pita bread that they got to hold all by themselves . Maddie decided to try hiding under the changing table . It was cute . Actually , both the girls are playing peek - a - boo a bunch . They love it . I 'm trying to teach them to play it with each other , since I read about a baby that liked to play it in the mirror with herself . Today , they are back to their old selves . They 've been so super happy all day long . It 's been very refreshing . They spent the morning on their hands and knees rocking back and forth , it won 't be long now before I have crawlers . Posted by This evening we went to Romano 's Macaroni Grill for my mom 's birthday . I 'll just say it was a milestone birthday and leave it at that . Tomorrow is her actual birthday . We had a delicious and fun time . The girls were pretty good too . They sat in their high chairs for an hour before they started to get fussy . They calmed down when John and I held them . It was so cute , we gave Maddie a toasted pita triangle that was part of the appetizer to chew on for a bit . It looked like a big pizza slice in her mouth . She was going to town on it . I had to give Izzie a piece too . They brought mom out a cake and a flower and sang happy birthday to her in Italian . On the way home , Maddie cried almost the whole way . It was an hour after her bedtime and she was exhausted . We decided to skip baths , she just wanted her bunny , her paci and her bed . I was nursing them before we put them down , but she finally stopped and wasn 't happy until her head hit the mattress . She was out like a lightbulb at that point . Izzie was tired too , but she was more concerned with why her sissy was crying so hard . Once she realized Maddie was okay , she was fine too . On another birthday note . . . my friend Jamie 's son , Nicholas Norgaard , turned ONE today ! ! ! What a big boy ! Maybe I can coax a picture out of Jamie to post on my blog ? ? ; ) ( * hint hint Jamie ) Happy Birthday to my Momma ! Here 's Maddie eating her " pizza . " Today is the third day we 've been home and I think the girls are finally getting adjusted back to their normal routine . They 've been so clingy that I 've had a hard time getting anything done around the house . Someone suggested to me that it also could be teething again . Apparently some babies get extra clingy when their gums hurt , they want their mom 's to make them feel better . We tried some orajel on the girls last night and it did seem to help a bit . I did it again today , and it stopped some of the fussiness for a while . I 've tried to keep yesterday and today as boring and routine as possible . I figured that would help things and it seems to be paying off . The girls are down for a nap right now . They 've been pretty fun and active today . They jumped in their jumperoo 's for thirty whole minutes this morning . It is the cutest thing ever . I love the look they get in their eyes when they see each other . Then they start giggling and then jumping like crazy . For lunch today I made them banana yogurt . They were saying " Um um Um UM ! ! " over and over . Apparently it went over very well . I added a drop of vanilla and some cinnamon to the mushed bananas and greek yogurt . Greek yogurt doens 't have any sugar added and is actually pretty tart . John is at his company summer party . Two years ago it was on a boat on one of the lakes in town . Last year , the lady who planned it was on maternity leave so it never got planned . This year it 's at Main Event . They are bowling , playing laser tag and other fun activities to build team spirit . He should be coming home a bit late from his fun day . Hopefully he 's scoring some big points for his team bowling ! Not too much got done yesterday . Isn 't that how it is when you come home from vacation ? I did manage to go to the grocery store and unpack at least one of the suitcases . The girls were missing their " people " from all week and were very clingy yesterday . They wouldn 't let me out of their sight . Maddie was particularly difficult in that she didn 't know what she wanted . If I held her , she wanted down , if we put her down she wanted to be held . They were both exhausted and took pretty good naps yesterday . Hopefully today will be a little bit back to normal . After we put them to bed last night , John Chenault came over and we all watched the Heroes premiere . I was disappointed after last season and wasn 't sure I 'd watch this season , but the show last night was very good , so I think I 'm hooked in again ! I don 't have much planned for today , we 'll see how it pans out . Right now , Maddie woke up and is playing in her exersaucer which is a good sign . ( She wouldn 't play in it yesterday . ) And Izzie is still snoozing , but I hear her stirring so she 'll be up soon . Let the day begin ! Well , we made it home safe and sound after a very long day . The strange thing is right now it 's 8 : 30p Dallas time , which means technically it should feel like 6 : 30p Tahoe time on my body . Then please explain why it feels like 10 : 30p instead ? ? It was a good day . We woke up at 6 : 30 and finished packing up . Then , guess where we went ? Yep . The Lakeside Inn and Casino for breakfast . By this time , I was actually tired of the place so I ate cereal in the room before we left . Somehow I still ended up eating Grandma 's hashbrowns ! She gave me her portion everyday . Anyway , I digress . From the Lakeside we loaded up and drove the hour to Reno . The girls had fun playing on the floor in the airport before take off . We were trying to wear them out as much as we could . People were starting to get very afraid . I think there were 5 babies and a few toddlers on our flight . The girls were terrific ! Grandma was terrific ! She has a hard time flying usually , but today she did great . She even made Maddie smile when she got tired of sitting in my lap . The girls slept for a portion of the trip . They didn 't cry at all . I was worried they 'd cry during take off or landing , but we got lucky ! When we exited the plane a lady approached John and told him he was super dad and wanted to give him $ 20 for how well behaved our babies were . We told her thank you , but didn 't accept her gift . Mom picked us up at the airport in my van and we went to her house for a yummy spaghetti dinner . After dinner , we drove back to my house with mom so she could pick up her car . When I walked in the door I had a huge surprise ! She had my house cleaned while I was gone . I am so thankful , I hate coming home to a messy house . Before Tahoe , I was sick ( then the girls got sick ) and John had been out of town for the week . It was all I could do to get packed much less clean house before we left . I walked in to a spotless kitchen and was thrilled beyond words . The girls went down at 7 : 30 Dallas time ( 5 : 30 Tahoe time ! ) they were so tired . I hope they don 't wake up at 4 : 30a tomorroPosted by The whole family was going to go to dinner together on our last night in Tahoe . Well , those that were still here , as Larry and Jan left this morning and Terri and Jeff left yesterday . We picked this place called Blue Water Bistro on Lake Tahoe . No one had been to it yet . Well , it was a tiny place . The setting was gorgeous , but there was no way our whole family could fit . Bummer . So , it being a Saturday night in Tahoe , most places were pretty packed . Last minuted we decided the buffet at the Horizon . Lynn and I wanted to try it out anyway . It was a small place packed to maxium capacity . The food was standard buffet fair , pretty decent . The girls were acting like little angels . They ate some steamed carrots and bread , but as it was aproaching past their bed time they started getting fussy . John and I decided it was time to get back to the condo before full blown crying started . Did I mention the place was packed ? We were trying to open the stroller and move highchairs and get diaper bags and do it all very quickly . I plopped Izzie in the stroller and John moved her over to the other side and strapped her in . I then plunked Maddie in the stroller and then bent over to get the diappy bag . John starts trying to move the stroller through the restuarant and Maddie all of a sudden was on the floor ! I didn 't strap her in , I thought John was going to . He didn 't strap her in because he thought I was going to . She is okay , just a tiny bump on the head . She calmed down faster than I did . We got them back to the condo in one piece and now they are sleeping peacefully . Happy 9 months old to the girls ! ! ! Maddie and Izzie are 9 months today . They 've come a long way in the last month , and they 've jumped leaps and bounds in the past week . Maddie and Izzie both are saying MamaMamaMama . They are eating a lot of different types of solids and even starting to finger feed themselves some fruits and cereals . They are starting to get up on their knees and rock , one step away from crawling . They both will reach out for someone to pick them up . They also started waving this last week . Izzie is saying DadaDadaDada and Maddie started clapping . They 've been on an airplane and in two different states than the one they live in ! I say they 've done a lot . It ended up being a long day today . The morning started out pretty slow . I stayed here with the girls while some went to the Lakeside for breakfast and others went to Rude Brothers for bagels . Julie brought me back a bagel . Nothing like the packaged ones you buy at the grocery store ! After breakfast , Julie and I took a dip in the hot tub . Then a whole bunch of nothing happened for the next few hours . I was antsy to go DO something . But , Izzie took a nap , then she woke up and Maddie took a nap , etc . Finally it was lunchtime and I got in the car with Tom to pick up KFC for everyone . We had a picnic of fried chicken and mashed potatoes . The plan was for the older crowd to head to Carson City to gamble and to a place called Sharkie 's for dinner . The younger ones were going to Kahle Meadow to go on a hike . I was gung ho to GO GO GO and Sabrina took a nap . All this napping , and I didn 't get a turn ! Maddie and Izzie were playing and suddenly they got super fussy . Oh , my goodness . THEY wanted another nap . I figured we 'd never get anywhere . Finally ALL the babies woke up at once and we swept out the door . It was a great little hike . It took us about 2 hours round trip . The hike ends at Lake Tahoe and we sat the girls down in the sand for a few minutes to see what they would do . Izzie tried to eat the sand , which wasn 't unexpected . On the way back , I saw a cool looking black and yellow stripped snake ! After the hike , Chris , Julie , Sammy , Sabrina , John , Maddie , Izzie and I were going to go to dinner . It took forever for us to figure out a place to eat . We ended up at Wolfgang Puck Express . It was very tasty . I ended up having to order for John and I got him a Bar - B - Q Chicken Quesidilla . It turned out better than my Chicken Pesto Sandwhich . By the time we finished dinner it was time to put the girls down to bed . All the fresh air and wind from our hike wore them out . John and I took a date night this evening . Jackie and Tom watched the girls for us while we went to dinner and the casino 's for about an hour and half . We went to Mont Blue Casino , it 's the newest one on the strip . They have a restaruant called the Unbuffet . It 's a buffet . There really isn 't anything UN about it . It is a very yummy buffet though . My favorite things were the mushroom raviolis in cream sauce . It was nice having dinner with just us . After dinner , we fed the slot machines some money , but we had a good time doing it . We were up at one point , and we should have quit . . . . but we played until it was time to go put the girls to bed . This morning started like normal . We headed to the Lakeside for breakfast . We went with Lynn , Grandma , Larry and Betty . John went into the casino while we waited for breakfast . He was playing some of the penny machines . He went in with $ 34 on his ticket and came back with $ 61 , not too bad for 15 minutes of gambling ! After breakfast everyone split up . We actually said our good buys to Terri and Jeff last night since they were leaving early this morning . Then the rest of the gang went on a field trip to Placerville and Apple Hill for lunch . Apple Hill is supposed to have some fantastic apple pies . We decided to stay back , because we didn 't want such a long trip with the girls . We went on a hike called the " Stream Profile " It 's put together by the Tahoe Ecological Society or something like that . It 's a paved hike with plaques that talk about the different ecological systems you pass on the walk . It 's just a easy hike that is stroller friendly . On one part of the hike you walk into a buidling that is below the level of the stream . It looks like a fish tank , but it 's the actual stream . Maddie and Izzie got to see a fish swim right by them . They were watching it very closely . I wanted to take a picture of the girls in the grass . John was worried about bugs . I won , and we got some very cute pictures . When we got back from the Stream Profile , Maddie took a nap , but Izzie refused . I went down to the pool for a while to enjoy some peace and quiet . Now , John headed up to the casinos for an hour and I 'm watching the girls . Yesterday afternoon John , the girls and I went for a stroll down the main drag of South Lake Tahoe . Mostly to just get out and walk around with the girls . They really enjoyed it . I can 't get over how many more people stop us here to comment about " the twins " than at home . Everywhere we go , people are stopping us and saying how cute they are . ( Which of course , is obvious . ) We stopped at Cold Stone Creamery and bought some ice cream . I let the girls taste a tiny bite of my sweet cream ice cream . They said Um Um UM ! Last night for dinner we ate at Teps which is an Italian Restaurant . We 've decided that you can 't get good service in Tahoe . Which is strange since it is a tourist town . The lady tried to sit Julie , Chris , John and I at a table with three highchairs . Fine , that is what we were hoping for . She took us to a table and had all the adults on one side and was going to put all the highchairs in a row on the other side of the table . We tried to explain that wouldn 't work . It was quite chaotic . We finally got seated and Izzie started crying . John ended up having to take his food to go so he could hold Izzie . Luckily , the food was excellent . The girls were just over tired . They slept great once we got them home . After we put them down to bed , John and I took the baby monitor over to the solarium where we met up with Betty , Lynne , Jackie and Grandma to play a dice game called Left , Right , Center . We played 5 rounds with quaters and John won 3 and I won 1 . We made it home with $ 13 in quarters , not too bad ! We went to breakfast at the Lakeside Casino again this morning . I decided to be adventurous ( and a nod towards healthy ) and ordered the vegetarian omelet . I wouldn 't recommend it . It had eggplant , mushrooms , asparagus and red bell pepper . It was okay , but the eggplant was just a little too much for me in an omelet . Maddie and Izzie enjoyed a few bites of John 's pancakes . Maddie mostly just looked bored . Jackie and Tom watched the girls for a few minutes so John and I could feed the slot machines . We actually made $ 15 in pennies . I hit the button and we made $ 28 on one pull with bonuses . Izzie started waving to the waitresses today . Both of the girls are finally doing much better with other people holding them . Another first - Izzie fell asleep in the car on the way back from breakfast and when John picked her up out of the carseat she stayed asleep , even when he laid her down in the crib . This afternoon we are mostly hanging out in the fresh air , we plan on walking up to the shops with the girls to get out . It 's our easy day . For dinner tonight the whole gang got together to eat at Sam 's Beach House . It 's a small restuarant that is in a strip center . Jackie and Tom have been there several times over the years . When we arrive we were told that the place was about to close down . We soon found out why . The service was horrible ! The food was pretty good , so that 's a plus . I tried to feed Maddie and Izzie their dinner while we were waiting for ours . I mushed up peas instead of pureeing them to see how they would do . They didn 't exactly love the mushed peas . They did eat about half of their serving , so that wasn 't too bad . The waitress we had was pretty horrible as far as waitresses go . She was yelling at the cook , she didn 't want to split our orders even though we were the only people in the restaurant . She was super condescending to Grandma . Grandma ordered a cup of soup and asked how big it would be . I thought it was a valid question . Sometimes you order a cup of soup and it 's more like a bowl and sometimes it 's more like a cup . The waitress looked at her and said , " It 's a CUP of soup . " Like she was stupid . When Grandma finished her soup , the lady patted her on the back and said , " Oh , what a good girl , you finished your soup . " I was horrified . That was no way to treat her . She said some rude things about me too . In a sarcastic voice going on about how I was one proud momma . Whatever . Poor little Sabrina started running a fever . I hope she feels better in the morning ! Tomorrow we don 't have too many plans . It should be a pretty laid back relaxing day . I think we 'll start breakfast at the Lakeside Inn and then maybe go hit some of the shops around the casinos . When we got back , sure enough . . . here are the sandwiches that got left behind . . . Here we are enjoying our picnic sans sandwiches . Food or not , we manage to have a great time ! Today the family went on a very interesting picnic . The day started out semi - lazy . The girls had a jammy morning with John , while I went to sit in the hot tub with Tom . It was pretty chilly and the hot tub felt great ! Apparently while I was soaking in the hot tub , the girls went down for an early morning nap . They woke up just as I got back . And they were fussy . They were so congested , I felt so bad for them ! We finally ended up giving them some tylenol and once that kicked in , life was much better all around . Well , for the afternoon we had a picnic planned for down on the Lake Tahoe at the Hellman - Erhman mansion . Julie , Tom , Chris and I went to pick up Subway Sandwiches for everyone . Tom bought his and Jackie 's sandwich , I bought mine and John 's and Julie and Chris got orders for everyone else . When we got back to the condo everyone jumped in cars and headed off to the picninc spot . It was about an hour drive away . As soon as we drove into the parking lot , Julie jumped out of her car and opened the trunk . Then she got really upset . Larry thought she left Sammy back at the condos . It turned out that she left the sandwiches . It really ended up to not be a big deal , but we had fun giving her a hard time about it . We enjoyed walking around the property . We took the girls down to the pier . The water of Lake Tahoe is so clear you can see all the way to the bottom . I took a picture of some rocks under the water and you can 't even see the water ! After walking around for a bit , we decided to make some picnic magic . There were 12 people and 3 foot long Subway Sandwiches . Jackie said she was going to re - enact the fishes and loaves scene from the bible . She did a pretty convincing job . She had a bag in the van that had chips and dip and a peanut butter sandwhich or two . Somehow , everyone got plenty to eat . Now we are just hanging out at the condo . The weathPosted by I 'm not sure if it counts if the girls don 't know what theword means yet , but Maddie and Izzie both have been saying Mama Mama Mama all day long . Maddie more than Izzie . Izzie has said DaDa DaDa a few times ! Sabrina , Chris , Jackie , Jeff , Terri , Jan , Lynn , Tom , Julie , Sammy , Betty , Grandma , Larry , Amanda , John , Madeline and IsabelleOh my goodness , what a crazy evening . It was the Dittlinger Bar - b - q . Tom mans the grill while the rest of us socialize and just hang out . We put a pallet in the grass for all the babies . Sammy had fun playing in the sand , although , I didn 't know that sand shampoo was all the rage with four year olds . We ate a terrific dinner of tri - tip ( a special cut of beef that is wonderful ) chicken , sausage , potato salad , and other munchies . Then the fun began . We played " survivor " in the family . Jackie split us up into two teams . I think I was in the Bigler team . I was trying to pay attention to Jackie and Tom who were commencing the evening activities , my babies and I was trying to get most of the evening on video . It was hard . Anyway , Bigler had something to do with some Indian tribe that settled in Tahoe a long time ago . Or maybe it was the name of a lake . I don 't really know . The other team had an even weirder a name . Anyway , our first challenge was to take an orange under our chins and pass it down the line . We were all laughing so hard I thought we were going to pass out . Grandma actually did beg out , she was afriad her pace maker wouldn 't survive ! I had to pass the orange to Jeff . I haven 't gotten to hang out with him too much , but I got to know him really well during that 3 minutes . It was hilarious . I think our team won that one . Then we had some trivia questions . I 'm pretty sure our team won that game too . Prizes were awarded and other fun activities . The girls did pretty good during this . They played on the blanket for a while , and then we held them . At 7 they absolutly crashed . Considering they didn 't get great naps today , I wasn 't surprised . I think Izzie slept through her bath even . We would have skipped baths , but they got so dirty , that I thought they 'd sleep better if we got them sparkly clean . John is off watching a football game with Chris . I 'm enjoying some quiet time with the computePosted by It 's about 3 : 30 right now . We 've had a pretty busy day today . First off , we had a really great night . Maddie and Izzie both slept great . I think it was all the time spent outside playing yesterday . They played outside on a blanket for a couple of hours yesterday evening . Izzie even started getting up on her knees and rocking like she was about to start to crawl ! This morning , we woke up and went to the Lakeside Inn and Casino for breakfast . They have a $ 3 . 99 special of eggs , hashbrowns , toast and bacon . We usually go there for breakfast every morning of our stay . The girls had a " receiving line " at breakfast . A bunch of people were crowded around them saying how adorable they were . When Tom and Jackie go there , they knew which table was ours because all of the people surrounding us ! The girls took it stride . They 'd make good celebrities . After breakfast we came back to the condo to coat ourselves in sunscreen and headed up to Fallen Leaf Lake for our first hike . It was so much fun ! The girls looked adorable in their backpacks . It was much easier to carry them than I thought it would be . John is suffering from a slight head cold , so he didn 't have as much energy as normal . I was surprised he did as good as he did . Maddie started waving to Terri . She 's really got it down . She waved to Grandma yesterday , but it wasn 't as clear . Oh , and both girls spent the morning by going " mama mama mama mama . " Too cute ! They are growing fast up here in this fresh air . This morning we went to Harrah 's Casino / Hotel for a HUGE breakfast buffet . It is awesome . It has everything from crablegs and shrimp to breakfast pizza and prime rib . Theres Eggs Benedict , your standard eggs , bacon and sausages . The most yummy waffles with banana 's foster syrup . You could spend all day there and not taste everything they have to offer . Their desert station alone would take 2 weeks to work through . I filled up before I got to desert , although I considered my waffles with banana foster syrup desert . John strangly enough considered the prime rib his desert . He said it was that good . The girls got to try a pancake , blueberries and cantelope . After breakfast we walked around the car show . It 's mostly made up of old timey cars that people restored and new cars with sparkling special paint jobs . Now , we are back at the condo . Reading books and taking naps . The weather is beautiful , the sun is SO bright . I had forgotten how bright it is up here . What a long day it has been , but a good one . Today was the girls very first plane trip . They did awesome ! They exceeded our expectations by 100 % . Maddie got fussy for about 3 minutes of the trip , but otherwise they were both so happy . The back row of the plane was empty , so we got to sit all together . ( Normally there is only allowed one baby per row , because there are only 4 air masks per row . ) So , the middle seat was empty and we got to sit the girls in the seat and they played with each other and their toys . We landed in Reno and then had about an hour drive in to Tahoe . Once we got here , we unpacked , made a quick trip to the grocery store for snacks and stuff . Then we hung out on the front lawn . The girls ( including Sabrina ) played on a blanket on the grass and we had a picninc of pizza . The girls went down pretty easily because it was a fun full day . TAHOE PICTURES This morning has been very busy packing . I am trying to pack my whole house into 3 suitcases . I guess I feel I need to be prepared for anything that may happen on a one week trip . There is so much going on this morning that it 's taken me 30 mintutes to type two sentences . The girls had a pretty rough night last night . Their noses fluxuated between being super runny to completely stopped up . There was lots of late night cuddles . Thank goodness John was home to help out this time though ! This morning , both girls seem like they are feeling much better , but they still have runny noses . With all of the commotion and piles getting ready to pack , I left a book too close to the play area . Maddie decided she had a taste for knowledge . I heard this crinkling sound and said , " OH NO " just as I heard a " Rip ! " Her mouth had bits of paper in it . I learned my lesson . . . I 've been trying to deny that I am sick for the past few days . But I think I am . At least it is a minor head cold . I don 't feel that bad . My nose is runny and my head is stuffy . The bad thing is that this morning ( after a horrible bad night ) both girls woke up with runny noses . They seem to be feeling fine . They are both playing pretty well this morning with just minor fussiness . I just don 't have the energy to cope with much . I 'm supposed to be packing for our trip to Tahoe , but it 's hard to find the energy to do more than lay on the ground with the girls and play with their toys . Luckily John comes home tonight . He said he 'd possibly work from home tomorrow . That might help . The girls and I want to wish their Grandpa , John 's Dad , a very happy birthday . Jackie , Tom , John 's Grandma and Great Aunt Betty are all headed to Tahoe in their minivan . They should be hitting Las Vegas today . Maybe they will have some birthday luck and hit a casino ! Last night was a very big night for me . It was the first night someone other than John or I put the girls down to bed . It was the September PAMOM meeting and John was out of town in Chicago . So , my mom and my sister came over to babysit . Each probably thought they could do it alone , but I didn 't want them outnumbered . I think in the long run , they were both glad that there were two of them to the two girls . Somehow , they still felt outnumbered ! I hear there was a lot of crying , not much eating and no baths , but that they did get to sleep . I guess that 's a good thing . At least I didn 't come home to crying awake babies ! But they started crying so hard that Mom said they wouldn 't eat and she was afriad they 'd choke if she tried . So my poor little darlings cried themselves to sleep . Somehow everyone involved survived . I figured they 'd wake up in the middle of the night wanting to nurse , but they made it to 4 : 30 and since they usually wake up at 5 to nurse , that wasn 't too bad . Anyway , thanks goes out to Nana and Aunt Rhonda for watching the girls last night ! As for my meeting . It was so so . I was very looking forward to our guest speakers . The first was on child development . Well , as it turned out , it was more baby development stages newborn to 8 months . Since the girls are 8 . 5 months now , I just got to learn everything I did wrong . Well , not really ! I actually learned that I did most stuff right , but she kind of left me hanging for what comes next ! Our second speaker was on organizing our lives . I was starting to get too antsy to really listen to her . ( Remember , first time the girls went down without one of us ! ) and she started off sort of slow . I felt really rude , but I ended up leaving towards the beginning of her speech . I was disappointed . She is a member of PAMOM and she 's even been on TV , but I didn 't like her speaking style . On a different night , it might have been okay , but I was too jumpy . I 'll call Ashley today and see if I missed anything . On the weather . . . Hurricane Ike is supposed to hit Texas between GaPosted by Somehow , I 've ended up with another " dog person " in the house . I 'm a cat person , John is a dog person . He 's all excited that Maddie loves Ripley as much as he does . Maddie is absolutley facinated by Ripley . Don 't get me wrong , Izzie likes watching him too , but not like Maddie . I think maybe Maddie is just an animal person . The kitties don 't really like the girls so they stay away . Who knows , but it is cute to see her try to pet Ripley . And kudos to Rips . He is the best dog ever . He is so incredibly patient with the girls . He will lay there and let them pull on his fur . If they get too close to his ears or tail , he just gets up calmly and walks away . He 's never growled or snapped at either of the girls . He also amazingly leaves their toys alone . No one can figure out how he knows his toys from theirs , but somehow he does . I have to admit for a dog , Ripley is probably the best you can get . ( I do love him , I just like to give him a hard time for being a dog ! ) John is leaving for Chicago this afternoon . He 'll be gone until Thursday night . Thankfully my mom will be here to help out a lot , and I even got my sister to agree to babysit one night while he 's away . I have a feeling this is going to be one of those long - short weeks . It 's going to feel long since John will be away , but short since at the end of it we leave for Tahoe and I have a million things to do . On the twin front : The girls did excellent this morning with their finger foods . I 've slowly been introducing finger foods to them over the past week or two . Today I gave them cut up bananas and cheerios . I figured Ripley would get most of them . But the girls managed to get most of the pieces in their mouths by themselves ! I was very impressed , but then I knew I had talented babies ! Today was one of those days that just flew by . It started out pretty great . Izzie woke up early , so John got her and the monitor and went downstairs . He let me sleep in . It was AWESOME . I woke up and stretched lazily and then just layed still in bed for 10 minutes listening to absolutely nothing . The irony did cross my mind . About 9 months ago when I was on bedrest waking up to nothing was just miserable . I knew it meant a long day loomed ahead of me . Now , those 10 minutes of peace and quiet are more valuable than I ever imagined they would be . I made some new batches of baby food , the girls got to try something called Zweiback Toast . It 's a teething biscuit of sorts . Maddie ate hers almost completely . Izzie only ate about half of hers . Then , this afternoon we made a trip to Target . Mostly just to get out of the house for a bit . And I know it 'll take about 15 trips to Target before I feel like I have everything I need for a 1 week trip out of town . I bought the girls some silver dress shoes . And I bought something called " baby legs . " Basically they are leg warms from the 80 's . The advantage being , they will keep legs warmers , without having to pull off hose to change a diaper . Plus , they are cute . This evening the family went to Brooklyn 's Pizza for dinner . The girls did excellent again . Although , they were bummed they had to eat peas instead of pizza . Izzie and Maddie dining on Zweiback Toast . Maddie modeling her " baby legs " Me getting ready to take the girls out on a walk . Izzie studying on her laptop . Maddie rolling and rolling and rolling across the floor . Whew , what a difference one day makes . Yesterday the girls were in such a great mood . They were laughing and playing and just plain cheerful . Today for some reason , has been rough . No one in the whole family slept that great ( except Ripley . ) And I think that is what started a rough day . Thank goodness John came home early . I needed a break . I got out for a little over an hour today to buy some new jeans for my Tahoe trip . That is getting closer and closer ! As much as I like taking the girls places , taking them to try on clothes is not easy at all . I 've decided to avoid that as much as possible . As for last night . . . it was weird . John couldn 't sleep , so he went downstairs for a bit last night . He said he hears the dog door slam , which threw him for a loop because he was staring at Ripley . So he decided to investigate . We do live right off of a farm , so the possibilities of racoons or other wild animals coming in isn 't that far off . Well , it wasn 't a wild animal going out . It was our INDOOR kitty cat , Jake going OUT ! He figured out the dog door . I don 't want him going out . He is declawed and not meant to be outside . He 's my pudgy baby . I don 't want to take away Ripley 's dog door , so I guess we are going to make sure there are no low spots in the fence for Jake to get under . And I 'll put a collar on him with our info . We are pretty sure he can 't scale the fence . He weighs like 18lbs , has no front claws and is probably 13 - 14 years old . Or another way to put it , he isn 't very agile . During the day Ripley keeps Jake from coming downstairs , but now that Ripley is getting older , he 's sleeping harder at night and didn 't hear Jake come downstairs . I wish I could find a way to bottle up the weather today . It is so incredibly refreshing out there . I went on my morning walk and was gone for about an hour and half . Afterwards , instead of feeling drained , exhausted , and overheated ; I felt energized and rejuvinated ! The girls enjoyed it too . The sun is shining , the breeze is blowing the temperature was 68 when started out the door . I met up with my friend Stephanie . She needed to get out with her boys . We walked around for almost an hour . It 's so good to chat with another mom of twins . After she had to go in to figure out what Nick wanted ( he started to get fussy ) I headed over to Melissa 's house . I hadn 't heard much from her in the past few days so I figured I needed to poke her a few times . Her mom was in town visiting . Her mom was so cute ! She 's from Georgia and that 's another thing that should be able to be bottled . Her Georgia accent . I didn 't want to intrude on them for too long , so I figured it was time to head on home . Maddie and Izzie were also in a terrific mood . We played on the floor together for a good 45 min before I took them up for naptime . The whole time they were happy and laughing . After nap , we are going to go run some errands . Getting out with my new van is such a breeze that I don 't mind taking both girls with me to do stuff . Plus , they are usually so well behaved out , that I prefer going out with them than staying home . They like to see the world . I took the girls to Walmart today and they helped me pick out a new toy . Um . . . I mean , important piece of equipment . The girls got their first " laptop " today ! They love all the buttons . Here 's Izzie , she 's already a pro . Maddie likes it too . She was more interested in it when it was Izzie 's turn to play with it though . . . A few hours after I got back from Walmart , my friend Ashley called and said she wanted to get out of the house . So we decided to meet up at Firewheel Mall . Again , the weather was just too perfect and Firewheel is an outdoor mall . The girls were so good ! All four of them . We even goAmanda Today I realized that the girls have been alive almost the same amount of time I was pregnant with them . I delievered 5 weeks early on a 40wk scale . Actually I was 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant . The girls are 36 weeks old today . Actually they are : 257 days , 22 hours , 16 minutes and 40 seconds as of 6 : 02pm this evening . I got that from a website where you can enter your birthday . When you are pregnant 8 months seems a lot longer . I think a lot of that has to do with worry . Worry that the birth will go alright , worry that they will be healthy . Worry that they won 't be born too early . Once they are here it is all about survival . Well , in the beginning it was . I remmeber those early months we looked at life in 3 hour chunks . Just had to get through the next feeding . It 's been so much fun to see them grow . Right now they are sitting in their highchairs absolutely cracking each other up . They will sit and look at each other and laugh like it 's going out of style . I 've tried capturing it on film , but as soon as they see the camera , it 's game over . It 's the cutest thing in the world . John and I love sitting in the next room over and listening to it . It 's like their private little bubble and we are on the outside looking in . It 's one of those twin things that you read about . It 's like they know exactly what they are telling each other . You can see it in their eyes . One will " say " something and then the other will laugh and laugh like she told the funniest joke in the world . John says they are talking about us . Then again , what else do they have to talk about ? Posted by Hurricane Gustav hit Lousiana yesterday . After Hurricane Katrina a few years ago , people took the evacuation orders a bit more seriously . Today , in Dallas , we are seeing the lasting effects of Gustav . It 's really windy out there ! We are having winds gusting up to 30 miles per hour according to weather . com . We should get some pretty good rain over the next day or so . If it hadn 't been for Hurricane Katrina , one of the girls would probably have that name . Katrina was a name my mom had picked out for me , but everyone convinced her to go with Amanda instead . I 've always loved the name . I said that if I had a little girl then I 'd name her Katrina . After the huge hurricane , it just didn 't feel right anymore . Which is okay , because I love the names we did go with and I can 't imagine Isabelle or Madeline being a Katrina . Their names just fit them perfectly . We had the names picked out , but we didn 't know who was who in the womb . I let John pick which girl got which name . I think he picked perfectly . Izzie is 100 % Izzie and Maddie just wouldn 't be any other name either . I love picking out names . The other day Cody and John were trying to come up with names for Baby Klement . Dana is going to drive me crazy , just like her sister and not find out the sex until he / she is born . I can 't deal with suspense people ! ! ! Anyway , John said that if it was a boy they 'd have to name him Emment Klement . for a girl they were leaning towards Billie Mae or some other small town name . Poor little Baby K . Coming up with crazy names is all part of the fun . We called the girls Ditt & Dott in the womb . Our crazy name was Dorthy Deeadra Dittlinger or Dottie D . Ditt for short . This evening we put Maddie in the bouncy and Izzie on the floor to watch her . For some reason , Maddie found this absolutely hilarious . She is bouncing and laughing her head off . Posted by |
The girls decided to swap personalities for the day . Let me start off by saying , yes , I 'm 100 percent sure Izzie is Izzie and Maddie is Maddie . They just sure aren 't acting like it today . It actually started in the middle of the night last night . Izzie woke up at 3am to nurse . She hasn 't done that in a while . It 's been Maddie doing that . So while I was nursing her , I was trying to get a good look at her in the dark and make SURE it was Izzie . John was out of town last night so , I put them down myself . It was Izzie . I didn 't think too much of it , I mean their sleep schedules are far from etched in stone . But when Maddie went all the way to 6am without waking up , I started to wonder again . This morning , when I turned on the light I made sure each twin was who I thought they were . So , they just slept differently . Okay . Well yesterday I started giving them breakfast . So we are now doing 3 meals a day ! The doctor yesterday recommended adding dairy in the form of cheese and yogurt . So I bought some cottage cheese yesterday . I mixed it with blueberries for the morning meal . I was afraid Maddie would gag on the new texture . She didn 't love it , but she didn 't gag . . . Izzie did ! I decided to puree the cottage cheese . It wasn 't the texture , they didn 't like the taste . I 'll try again , they do that sometimes with new foods , but it just threw me for a loop again that Maddie was more willing to try it than Izzie . Izzie is usually my adventure eater ! We played this morning and the weather was beautiful so we went on a long walk . After a 1hr 15min ( ! ! ! ) nap I tried giving them a lunch . Mangos and Rice . They 've had that several times before . Izzie started bawling and Maddie ate her portion . Now , Izzie is laying in the swing ( Maddie 's favorite spot ) and Maddie is playing contently in the excersaucer . I wonder if this is " try sissy 's personality on for a day " or a switcheroo completely ? And again , yes , I 'm 1000 percent sure I didn 't mix them up ! Today was the girls 9 month check up . The good news : They are doing great and didn 't have to have any shots ! No bad news to report . Doctor Lanman said that the girls were doing excellent in every aspect . They are growing great , developing great and she said they are so cute ! She is a doctor , so that must be an important thing ! Here are their official stats : Madeline Elizabeth : Head circumference : 17 . 25 " Weight : 17 lbs 3 ozHeight : 27 . 5 " Isabelle Dawn : Head circumference : 17 " Weight : 16 lbs 14 ozHeight : 28 " Now for an image of foreshadowing . . . No , Izzie didn 't pull herself up , I helped her , but she stayed up long enough for a few photos ! Izzie and Maddie playing . Maddie is more interested in crawling than pulling up . She also likes things that aren 't " toys . " Both girls like to put stuff into things . Next to Maddie is a clear plastic container . They love putting smaller objects in it and then dumping them out . What a day . It started with the girls waking up really , really early . John brought them downstairs where they promptly fell back asleep . The morning went fairly well , and then they went down for a 2 hour nap . It shocked us . I remember fondly the days of 3 hour naps , now if we get an hour we are shocked . After naptime I went to Lowes and bought some Mums . They were on sale for 74cents a pot . I got a bunch . My plan was to put the girls on a blanket in the front yard so they could play while I dug up the flower bed . While we were getting ready ( sunscreen , gathering up toys and a blanket ) Maddie took her first crawling " steps ! " She did it twice , moved about a foot each time . She was after the sunscreen bottle . She likes things that don 't look like toys . We were so excited ! Anyway , the yard didn 't work out so great . They loved laying on the lawn in Tahoe , we figured it 'd be the same . I did manage to get my flowers planeted , but John ended up bring the girls back inside . Izzie fell asleep in the jumper . After I got all cleaned up the girls were getting fussy so I decided to give them a snack while I tried to get the kitchen cleaned up for tonight . ( Everyone is coming over for cake and dinner for Mom 's birthday . ) I gave them a Gerber wagon wheel and some blueberries . I turned my babies purple . They liked the blueberries , but they got them everywhere . Somehow , the babies got cleaned ( mostly ) the kitchen got cleaned ( mostly ) and Rhonda just showd up for dinner . Whew . I 'm exhausted . Some flowers I bought . They were pretty and red . I bought a lot of yellow mums . I hope they live ! Mom , Chris , the girls and I went to a Greek Food Festival today . I think the girls enjoyed it . The place was jam packed with people . It was so croweded I had a hard time manuevering the stroller . We ate a ton of food . We got gyros and greek salad , Chris got some kind of pasta dish , and of course we had to sample all of the desserts . There was a few shops and a cooking demonstration , which we missed . There were cute little kids dressed up in authentic Greek costumes that did some dances for the crowds . The girls enjoyed some pita bread that they got to hold all by themselves . Maddie decided to try hiding under the changing table . It was cute . Actually , both the girls are playing peek - a - boo a bunch . They love it . I 'm trying to teach them to play it with each other , since I read about a baby that liked to play it in the mirror with herself . Today , they are back to their old selves . They 've been so super happy all day long . It 's been very refreshing . They spent the morning on their hands and knees rocking back and forth , it won 't be long now before I have crawlers . Posted by This evening we went to Romano 's Macaroni Grill for my mom 's birthday . I 'll just say it was a milestone birthday and leave it at that . Tomorrow is her actual birthday . We had a delicious and fun time . The girls were pretty good too . They sat in their high chairs for an hour before they started to get fussy . They calmed down when John and I held them . It was so cute , we gave Maddie a toasted pita triangle that was part of the appetizer to chew on for a bit . It looked like a big pizza slice in her mouth . She was going to town on it . I had to give Izzie a piece too . They brought mom out a cake and a flower and sang happy birthday to her in Italian . On the way home , Maddie cried almost the whole way . It was an hour after her bedtime and she was exhausted . We decided to skip baths , she just wanted her bunny , her paci and her bed . I was nursing them before we put them down , but she finally stopped and wasn 't happy until her head hit the mattress . She was out like a lightbulb at that point . Izzie was tired too , but she was more concerned with why her sissy was crying so hard . Once she realized Maddie was okay , she was fine too . On another birthday note . . . my friend Jamie 's son , Nicholas Norgaard , turned ONE today ! ! ! What a big boy ! Maybe I can coax a picture out of Jamie to post on my blog ? ? ; ) ( * hint hint Jamie ) Happy Birthday to my Momma ! Here 's Maddie eating her " pizza . " Today is the third day we 've been home and I think the girls are finally getting adjusted back to their normal routine . They 've been so clingy that I 've had a hard time getting anything done around the house . Someone suggested to me that it also could be teething again . Apparently some babies get extra clingy when their gums hurt , they want their mom 's to make them feel better . We tried some orajel on the girls last night and it did seem to help a bit . I did it again today , and it stopped some of the fussiness for a while . I 've tried to keep yesterday and today as boring and routine as possible . I figured that would help things and it seems to be paying off . The girls are down for a nap right now . They 've been pretty fun and active today . They jumped in their jumperoo 's for thirty whole minutes this morning . It is the cutest thing ever . I love the look they get in their eyes when they see each other . Then they start giggling and then jumping like crazy . For lunch today I made them banana yogurt . They were saying " Um um Um UM ! ! " over and over . Apparently it went over very well . I added a drop of vanilla and some cinnamon to the mushed bananas and greek yogurt . Greek yogurt doens 't have any sugar added and is actually pretty tart . John is at his company summer party . Two years ago it was on a boat on one of the lakes in town . Last year , the lady who planned it was on maternity leave so it never got planned . This year it 's at Main Event . They are bowling , playing laser tag and other fun activities to build team spirit . He should be coming home a bit late from his fun day . Hopefully he 's scoring some big points for his team bowling ! Not too much got done yesterday . Isn 't that how it is when you come home from vacation ? I did manage to go to the grocery store and unpack at least one of the suitcases . The girls were missing their " people " from all week and were very clingy yesterday . They wouldn 't let me out of their sight . Maddie was particularly difficult in that she didn 't know what she wanted . If I held her , she wanted down , if we put her down she wanted to be held . They were both exhausted and took pretty good naps yesterday . Hopefully today will be a little bit back to normal . After we put them to bed last night , John Chenault came over and we all watched the Heroes premiere . I was disappointed after last season and wasn 't sure I 'd watch this season , but the show last night was very good , so I think I 'm hooked in again ! I don 't have much planned for today , we 'll see how it pans out . Right now , Maddie woke up and is playing in her exersaucer which is a good sign . ( She wouldn 't play in it yesterday . ) And Izzie is still snoozing , but I hear her stirring so she 'll be up soon . Let the day begin ! Well , we made it home safe and sound after a very long day . The strange thing is right now it 's 8 : 30p Dallas time , which means technically it should feel like 6 : 30p Tahoe time on my body . Then please explain why it feels like 10 : 30p instead ? ? It was a good day . We woke up at 6 : 30 and finished packing up . Then , guess where we went ? Yep . The Lakeside Inn and Casino for breakfast . By this time , I was actually tired of the place so I ate cereal in the room before we left . Somehow I still ended up eating Grandma 's hashbrowns ! She gave me her portion everyday . Anyway , I digress . From the Lakeside we loaded up and drove the hour to Reno . The girls had fun playing on the floor in the airport before take off . We were trying to wear them out as much as we could . People were starting to get very afraid . I think there were 5 babies and a few toddlers on our flight . The girls were terrific ! Grandma was terrific ! She has a hard time flying usually , but today she did great . She even made Maddie smile when she got tired of sitting in my lap . The girls slept for a portion of the trip . They didn 't cry at all . I was worried they 'd cry during take off or landing , but we got lucky ! When we exited the plane a lady approached John and told him he was super dad and wanted to give him $ 20 for how well behaved our babies were . We told her thank you , but didn 't accept her gift . Mom picked us up at the airport in my van and we went to her house for a yummy spaghetti dinner . After dinner , we drove back to my house with mom so she could pick up her car . When I walked in the door I had a huge surprise ! She had my house cleaned while I was gone . I am so thankful , I hate coming home to a messy house . Before Tahoe , I was sick ( then the girls got sick ) and John had been out of town for the week . It was all I could do to get packed much less clean house before we left . I walked in to a spotless kitchen and was thrilled beyond words . The girls went down at 7 : 30 Dallas time ( 5 : 30 Tahoe time ! ) they were so tired . I hope they don 't wake up at 4 : 30a tomorroPosted by The whole family was going to go to dinner together on our last night in Tahoe . Well , those that were still here , as Larry and Jan left this morning and Terri and Jeff left yesterday . We picked this place called Blue Water Bistro on Lake Tahoe . No one had been to it yet . Well , it was a tiny place . The setting was gorgeous , but there was no way our whole family could fit . Bummer . So , it being a Saturday night in Tahoe , most places were pretty packed . Last minuted we decided the buffet at the Horizon . Lynn and I wanted to try it out anyway . It was a small place packed to maxium capacity . The food was standard buffet fair , pretty decent . The girls were acting like little angels . They ate some steamed carrots and bread , but as it was aproaching past their bed time they started getting fussy . John and I decided it was time to get back to the condo before full blown crying started . Did I mention the place was packed ? We were trying to open the stroller and move highchairs and get diaper bags and do it all very quickly . I plopped Izzie in the stroller and John moved her over to the other side and strapped her in . I then plunked Maddie in the stroller and then bent over to get the diappy bag . John starts trying to move the stroller through the restuarant and Maddie all of a sudden was on the floor ! I didn 't strap her in , I thought John was going to . He didn 't strap her in because he thought I was going to . She is okay , just a tiny bump on the head . She calmed down faster than I did . We got them back to the condo in one piece and now they are sleeping peacefully . Happy 9 months old to the girls ! ! ! Maddie and Izzie are 9 months today . They 've come a long way in the last month , and they 've jumped leaps and bounds in the past week . Maddie and Izzie both are saying MamaMamaMama . They are eating a lot of different types of solids and even starting to finger feed themselves some fruits and cereals . They are starting to get up on their knees and rock , one step away from crawling . They both will reach out for someone to pick them up . They also started waving this last week . Izzie is saying DadaDadaDada and Maddie started clapping . They 've been on an airplane and in two different states than the one they live in ! I say they 've done a lot . It ended up being a long day today . The morning started out pretty slow . I stayed here with the girls while some went to the Lakeside for breakfast and others went to Rude Brothers for bagels . Julie brought me back a bagel . Nothing like the packaged ones you buy at the grocery store ! After breakfast , Julie and I took a dip in the hot tub . Then a whole bunch of nothing happened for the next few hours . I was antsy to go DO something . But , Izzie took a nap , then she woke up and Maddie took a nap , etc . Finally it was lunchtime and I got in the car with Tom to pick up KFC for everyone . We had a picnic of fried chicken and mashed potatoes . The plan was for the older crowd to head to Carson City to gamble and to a place called Sharkie 's for dinner . The younger ones were going to Kahle Meadow to go on a hike . I was gung ho to GO GO GO and Sabrina took a nap . All this napping , and I didn 't get a turn ! Maddie and Izzie were playing and suddenly they got super fussy . Oh , my goodness . THEY wanted another nap . I figured we 'd never get anywhere . Finally ALL the babies woke up at once and we swept out the door . It was a great little hike . It took us about 2 hours round trip . The hike ends at Lake Tahoe and we sat the girls down in the sand for a few minutes to see what they would do . Izzie tried to eat the sand , which wasn 't unexpected . On the way back , I saw a cool looking black and yellow stripped snake ! After the hike , Chris , Julie , Sammy , Sabrina , John , Maddie , Izzie and I were going to go to dinner . It took forever for us to figure out a place to eat . We ended up at Wolfgang Puck Express . It was very tasty . I ended up having to order for John and I got him a Bar - B - Q Chicken Quesidilla . It turned out better than my Chicken Pesto Sandwhich . By the time we finished dinner it was time to put the girls down to bed . All the fresh air and wind from our hike wore them out . John and I took a date night this evening . Jackie and Tom watched the girls for us while we went to dinner and the casino 's for about an hour and half . We went to Mont Blue Casino , it 's the newest one on the strip . They have a restaruant called the Unbuffet . It 's a buffet . There really isn 't anything UN about it . It is a very yummy buffet though . My favorite things were the mushroom raviolis in cream sauce . It was nice having dinner with just us . After dinner , we fed the slot machines some money , but we had a good time doing it . We were up at one point , and we should have quit . . . . but we played until it was time to go put the girls to bed . This morning started like normal . We headed to the Lakeside for breakfast . We went with Lynn , Grandma , Larry and Betty . John went into the casino while we waited for breakfast . He was playing some of the penny machines . He went in with $ 34 on his ticket and came back with $ 61 , not too bad for 15 minutes of gambling ! After breakfast everyone split up . We actually said our good buys to Terri and Jeff last night since they were leaving early this morning . Then the rest of the gang went on a field trip to Placerville and Apple Hill for lunch . Apple Hill is supposed to have some fantastic apple pies . We decided to stay back , because we didn 't want such a long trip with the girls . We went on a hike called the " Stream Profile " It 's put together by the Tahoe Ecological Society or something like that . It 's a paved hike with plaques that talk about the different ecological systems you pass on the walk . It 's just a easy hike that is stroller friendly . On one part of the hike you walk into a buidling that is below the level of the stream . It looks like a fish tank , but it 's the actual stream . Maddie and Izzie got to see a fish swim right by them . They were watching it very closely . I wanted to take a picture of the girls in the grass . John was worried about bugs . I won , and we got some very cute pictures . When we got back from the Stream Profile , Maddie took a nap , but Izzie refused . I went down to the pool for a while to enjoy some peace and quiet . Now , John headed up to the casinos for an hour and I 'm watching the girls . Yesterday afternoon John , the girls and I went for a stroll down the main drag of South Lake Tahoe . Mostly to just get out and walk around with the girls . They really enjoyed it . I can 't get over how many more people stop us here to comment about " the twins " than at home . Everywhere we go , people are stopping us and saying how cute they are . ( Which of course , is obvious . ) We stopped at Cold Stone Creamery and bought some ice cream . I let the girls taste a tiny bite of my sweet cream ice cream . They said Um Um UM ! Last night for dinner we ate at Teps which is an Italian Restaurant . We 've decided that you can 't get good service in Tahoe . Which is strange since it is a tourist town . The lady tried to sit Julie , Chris , John and I at a table with three highchairs . Fine , that is what we were hoping for . She took us to a table and had all the adults on one side and was going to put all the highchairs in a row on the other side of the table . We tried to explain that wouldn 't work . It was quite chaotic . We finally got seated and Izzie started crying . John ended up having to take his food to go so he could hold Izzie . Luckily , the food was excellent . The girls were just over tired . They slept great once we got them home . After we put them down to bed , John and I took the baby monitor over to the solarium where we met up with Betty , Lynne , Jackie and Grandma to play a dice game called Left , Right , Center . We played 5 rounds with quaters and John won 3 and I won 1 . We made it home with $ 13 in quarters , not too bad ! We went to breakfast at the Lakeside Casino again this morning . I decided to be adventurous ( and a nod towards healthy ) and ordered the vegetarian omelet . I wouldn 't recommend it . It had eggplant , mushrooms , asparagus and red bell pepper . It was okay , but the eggplant was just a little too much for me in an omelet . Maddie and Izzie enjoyed a few bites of John 's pancakes . Maddie mostly just looked bored . Jackie and Tom watched the girls for a few minutes so John and I could feed the slot machines . We actually made $ 15 in pennies . I hit the button and we made $ 28 on one pull with bonuses . Izzie started waving to the waitresses today . Both of the girls are finally doing much better with other people holding them . Another first - Izzie fell asleep in the car on the way back from breakfast and when John picked her up out of the carseat she stayed asleep , even when he laid her down in the crib . This afternoon we are mostly hanging out in the fresh air , we plan on walking up to the shops with the girls to get out . It 's our easy day . For dinner tonight the whole gang got together to eat at Sam 's Beach House . It 's a small restuarant that is in a strip center . Jackie and Tom have been there several times over the years . When we arrive we were told that the place was about to close down . We soon found out why . The service was horrible ! The food was pretty good , so that 's a plus . I tried to feed Maddie and Izzie their dinner while we were waiting for ours . I mushed up peas instead of pureeing them to see how they would do . They didn 't exactly love the mushed peas . They did eat about half of their serving , so that wasn 't too bad . The waitress we had was pretty horrible as far as waitresses go . She was yelling at the cook , she didn 't want to split our orders even though we were the only people in the restaurant . She was super condescending to Grandma . Grandma ordered a cup of soup and asked how big it would be . I thought it was a valid question . Sometimes you order a cup of soup and it 's more like a bowl and sometimes it 's more like a cup . The waitress looked at her and said , " It 's a CUP of soup . " Like she was stupid . When Grandma finished her soup , the lady patted her on the back and said , " Oh , what a good girl , you finished your soup . " I was horrified . That was no way to treat her . She said some rude things about me too . In a sarcastic voice going on about how I was one proud momma . Whatever . Poor little Sabrina started running a fever . I hope she feels better in the morning ! Tomorrow we don 't have too many plans . It should be a pretty laid back relaxing day . I think we 'll start breakfast at the Lakeside Inn and then maybe go hit some of the shops around the casinos . When we got back , sure enough . . . here are the sandwiches that got left behind . . . Here we are enjoying our picnic sans sandwiches . Food or not , we manage to have a great time ! Today the family went on a very interesting picnic . The day started out semi - lazy . The girls had a jammy morning with John , while I went to sit in the hot tub with Tom . It was pretty chilly and the hot tub felt great ! Apparently while I was soaking in the hot tub , the girls went down for an early morning nap . They woke up just as I got back . And they were fussy . They were so congested , I felt so bad for them ! We finally ended up giving them some tylenol and once that kicked in , life was much better all around . Well , for the afternoon we had a picnic planned for down on the Lake Tahoe at the Hellman - Erhman mansion . Julie , Tom , Chris and I went to pick up Subway Sandwiches for everyone . Tom bought his and Jackie 's sandwich , I bought mine and John 's and Julie and Chris got orders for everyone else . When we got back to the condo everyone jumped in cars and headed off to the picninc spot . It was about an hour drive away . As soon as we drove into the parking lot , Julie jumped out of her car and opened the trunk . Then she got really upset . Larry thought she left Sammy back at the condos . It turned out that she left the sandwiches . It really ended up to not be a big deal , but we had fun giving her a hard time about it . We enjoyed walking around the property . We took the girls down to the pier . The water of Lake Tahoe is so clear you can see all the way to the bottom . I took a picture of some rocks under the water and you can 't even see the water ! After walking around for a bit , we decided to make some picnic magic . There were 12 people and 3 foot long Subway Sandwiches . Jackie said she was going to re - enact the fishes and loaves scene from the bible . She did a pretty convincing job . She had a bag in the van that had chips and dip and a peanut butter sandwhich or two . Somehow , everyone got plenty to eat . Now we are just hanging out at the condo . The weathPosted by I 'm not sure if it counts if the girls don 't know what theword means yet , but Maddie and Izzie both have been saying Mama Mama Mama all day long . Maddie more than Izzie . Izzie has said DaDa DaDa a few times ! Sabrina , Chris , Jackie , Jeff , Terri , Jan , Lynn , Tom , Julie , Sammy , Betty , Grandma , Larry , Amanda , John , Madeline and IsabelleOh my goodness , what a crazy evening . It was the Dittlinger Bar - b - q . Tom mans the grill while the rest of us socialize and just hang out . We put a pallet in the grass for all the babies . Sammy had fun playing in the sand , although , I didn 't know that sand shampoo was all the rage with four year olds . We ate a terrific dinner of tri - tip ( a special cut of beef that is wonderful ) chicken , sausage , potato salad , and other munchies . Then the fun began . We played " survivor " in the family . Jackie split us up into two teams . I think I was in the Bigler team . I was trying to pay attention to Jackie and Tom who were commencing the evening activities , my babies and I was trying to get most of the evening on video . It was hard . Anyway , Bigler had something to do with some Indian tribe that settled in Tahoe a long time ago . Or maybe it was the name of a lake . I don 't really know . The other team had an even weirder a name . Anyway , our first challenge was to take an orange under our chins and pass it down the line . We were all laughing so hard I thought we were going to pass out . Grandma actually did beg out , she was afriad her pace maker wouldn 't survive ! I had to pass the orange to Jeff . I haven 't gotten to hang out with him too much , but I got to know him really well during that 3 minutes . It was hilarious . I think our team won that one . Then we had some trivia questions . I 'm pretty sure our team won that game too . Prizes were awarded and other fun activities . The girls did pretty good during this . They played on the blanket for a while , and then we held them . At 7 they absolutly crashed . Considering they didn 't get great naps today , I wasn 't surprised . I think Izzie slept through her bath even . We would have skipped baths , but they got so dirty , that I thought they 'd sleep better if we got them sparkly clean . John is off watching a football game with Chris . I 'm enjoying some quiet time with the computePosted by It 's about 3 : 30 right now . We 've had a pretty busy day today . First off , we had a really great night . Maddie and Izzie both slept great . I think it was all the time spent outside playing yesterday . They played outside on a blanket for a couple of hours yesterday evening . Izzie even started getting up on her knees and rocking like she was about to start to crawl ! This morning , we woke up and went to the Lakeside Inn and Casino for breakfast . They have a $ 3 . 99 special of eggs , hashbrowns , toast and bacon . We usually go there for breakfast every morning of our stay . The girls had a " receiving line " at breakfast . A bunch of people were crowded around them saying how adorable they were . When Tom and Jackie go there , they knew which table was ours because all of the people surrounding us ! The girls took it stride . They 'd make good celebrities . After breakfast we came back to the condo to coat ourselves in sunscreen and headed up to Fallen Leaf Lake for our first hike . It was so much fun ! The girls looked adorable in their backpacks . It was much easier to carry them than I thought it would be . John is suffering from a slight head cold , so he didn 't have as much energy as normal . I was surprised he did as good as he did . Maddie started waving to Terri . She 's really got it down . She waved to Grandma yesterday , but it wasn 't as clear . Oh , and both girls spent the morning by going " mama mama mama mama . " Too cute ! They are growing fast up here in this fresh air . This morning we went to Harrah 's Casino / Hotel for a HUGE breakfast buffet . It is awesome . It has everything from crablegs and shrimp to breakfast pizza and prime rib . Theres Eggs Benedict , your standard eggs , bacon and sausages . The most yummy waffles with banana 's foster syrup . You could spend all day there and not taste everything they have to offer . Their desert station alone would take 2 weeks to work through . I filled up before I got to desert , although I considered my waffles with banana foster syrup desert . John strangly enough considered the prime rib his desert . He said it was that good . The girls got to try a pancake , blueberries and cantelope . After breakfast we walked around the car show . It 's mostly made up of old timey cars that people restored and new cars with sparkling special paint jobs . Now , we are back at the condo . Reading books and taking naps . The weather is beautiful , the sun is SO bright . I had forgotten how bright it is up here . What a long day it has been , but a good one . Today was the girls very first plane trip . They did awesome ! They exceeded our expectations by 100 % . Maddie got fussy for about 3 minutes of the trip , but otherwise they were both so happy . The back row of the plane was empty , so we got to sit all together . ( Normally there is only allowed one baby per row , because there are only 4 air masks per row . ) So , the middle seat was empty and we got to sit the girls in the seat and they played with each other and their toys . We landed in Reno and then had about an hour drive in to Tahoe . Once we got here , we unpacked , made a quick trip to the grocery store for snacks and stuff . Then we hung out on the front lawn . The girls ( including Sabrina ) played on a blanket on the grass and we had a picninc of pizza . The girls went down pretty easily because it was a fun full day . TAHOE PICTURES This morning has been very busy packing . I am trying to pack my whole house into 3 suitcases . I guess I feel I need to be prepared for anything that may happen on a one week trip . There is so much going on this morning that it 's taken me 30 mintutes to type two sentences . The girls had a pretty rough night last night . Their noses fluxuated between being super runny to completely stopped up . There was lots of late night cuddles . Thank goodness John was home to help out this time though ! This morning , both girls seem like they are feeling much better , but they still have runny noses . With all of the commotion and piles getting ready to pack , I left a book too close to the play area . Maddie decided she had a taste for knowledge . I heard this crinkling sound and said , " OH NO " just as I heard a " Rip ! " Her mouth had bits of paper in it . I learned my lesson . . . I 've been trying to deny that I am sick for the past few days . But I think I am . At least it is a minor head cold . I don 't feel that bad . My nose is runny and my head is stuffy . The bad thing is that this morning ( after a horrible bad night ) both girls woke up with runny noses . They seem to be feeling fine . They are both playing pretty well this morning with just minor fussiness . I just don 't have the energy to cope with much . I 'm supposed to be packing for our trip to Tahoe , but it 's hard to find the energy to do more than lay on the ground with the girls and play with their toys . Luckily John comes home tonight . He said he 'd possibly work from home tomorrow . That might help . The girls and I want to wish their Grandpa , John 's Dad , a very happy birthday . Jackie , Tom , John 's Grandma and Great Aunt Betty are all headed to Tahoe in their minivan . They should be hitting Las Vegas today . Maybe they will have some birthday luck and hit a casino ! Last night was a very big night for me . It was the first night someone other than John or I put the girls down to bed . It was the September PAMOM meeting and John was out of town in Chicago . So , my mom and my sister came over to babysit . Each probably thought they could do it alone , but I didn 't want them outnumbered . I think in the long run , they were both glad that there were two of them to the two girls . Somehow , they still felt outnumbered ! I hear there was a lot of crying , not much eating and no baths , but that they did get to sleep . I guess that 's a good thing . At least I didn 't come home to crying awake babies ! But they started crying so hard that Mom said they wouldn 't eat and she was afriad they 'd choke if she tried . So my poor little darlings cried themselves to sleep . Somehow everyone involved survived . I figured they 'd wake up in the middle of the night wanting to nurse , but they made it to 4 : 30 and since they usually wake up at 5 to nurse , that wasn 't too bad . Anyway , thanks goes out to Nana and Aunt Rhonda for watching the girls last night ! As for my meeting . It was so so . I was very looking forward to our guest speakers . The first was on child development . Well , as it turned out , it was more baby development stages newborn to 8 months . Since the girls are 8 . 5 months now , I just got to learn everything I did wrong . Well , not really ! I actually learned that I did most stuff right , but she kind of left me hanging for what comes next ! Our second speaker was on organizing our lives . I was starting to get too antsy to really listen to her . ( Remember , first time the girls went down without one of us ! ) and she started off sort of slow . I felt really rude , but I ended up leaving towards the beginning of her speech . I was disappointed . She is a member of PAMOM and she 's even been on TV , but I didn 't like her speaking style . On a different night , it might have been okay , but I was too jumpy . I 'll call Ashley today and see if I missed anything . On the weather . . . Hurricane Ike is supposed to hit Texas between GaPosted by Somehow , I 've ended up with another " dog person " in the house . I 'm a cat person , John is a dog person . He 's all excited that Maddie loves Ripley as much as he does . Maddie is absolutley facinated by Ripley . Don 't get me wrong , Izzie likes watching him too , but not like Maddie . I think maybe Maddie is just an animal person . The kitties don 't really like the girls so they stay away . Who knows , but it is cute to see her try to pet Ripley . And kudos to Rips . He is the best dog ever . He is so incredibly patient with the girls . He will lay there and let them pull on his fur . If they get too close to his ears or tail , he just gets up calmly and walks away . He 's never growled or snapped at either of the girls . He also amazingly leaves their toys alone . No one can figure out how he knows his toys from theirs , but somehow he does . I have to admit for a dog , Ripley is probably the best you can get . ( I do love him , I just like to give him a hard time for being a dog ! ) John is leaving for Chicago this afternoon . He 'll be gone until Thursday night . Thankfully my mom will be here to help out a lot , and I even got my sister to agree to babysit one night while he 's away . I have a feeling this is going to be one of those long - short weeks . It 's going to feel long since John will be away , but short since at the end of it we leave for Tahoe and I have a million things to do . On the twin front : The girls did excellent this morning with their finger foods . I 've slowly been introducing finger foods to them over the past week or two . Today I gave them cut up bananas and cheerios . I figured Ripley would get most of them . But the girls managed to get most of the pieces in their mouths by themselves ! I was very impressed , but then I knew I had talented babies ! Today was one of those days that just flew by . It started out pretty great . Izzie woke up early , so John got her and the monitor and went downstairs . He let me sleep in . It was AWESOME . I woke up and stretched lazily and then just layed still in bed for 10 minutes listening to absolutely nothing . The irony did cross my mind . About 9 months ago when I was on bedrest waking up to nothing was just miserable . I knew it meant a long day loomed ahead of me . Now , those 10 minutes of peace and quiet are more valuable than I ever imagined they would be . I made some new batches of baby food , the girls got to try something called Zweiback Toast . It 's a teething biscuit of sorts . Maddie ate hers almost completely . Izzie only ate about half of hers . Then , this afternoon we made a trip to Target . Mostly just to get out of the house for a bit . And I know it 'll take about 15 trips to Target before I feel like I have everything I need for a 1 week trip out of town . I bought the girls some silver dress shoes . And I bought something called " baby legs . " Basically they are leg warms from the 80 's . The advantage being , they will keep legs warmers , without having to pull off hose to change a diaper . Plus , they are cute . This evening the family went to Brooklyn 's Pizza for dinner . The girls did excellent again . Although , they were bummed they had to eat peas instead of pizza . Izzie and Maddie dining on Zweiback Toast . Maddie modeling her " baby legs " Me getting ready to take the girls out on a walk . Izzie studying on her laptop . Maddie rolling and rolling and rolling across the floor . Whew , what a difference one day makes . Yesterday the girls were in such a great mood . They were laughing and playing and just plain cheerful . Today for some reason , has been rough . No one in the whole family slept that great ( except Ripley . ) And I think that is what started a rough day . Thank goodness John came home early . I needed a break . I got out for a little over an hour today to buy some new jeans for my Tahoe trip . That is getting closer and closer ! As much as I like taking the girls places , taking them to try on clothes is not easy at all . I 've decided to avoid that as much as possible . As for last night . . . it was weird . John couldn 't sleep , so he went downstairs for a bit last night . He said he hears the dog door slam , which threw him for a loop because he was staring at Ripley . So he decided to investigate . We do live right off of a farm , so the possibilities of racoons or other wild animals coming in isn 't that far off . Well , it wasn 't a wild animal going out . It was our INDOOR kitty cat , Jake going OUT ! He figured out the dog door . I don 't want him going out . He is declawed and not meant to be outside . He 's my pudgy baby . I don 't want to take away Ripley 's dog door , so I guess we are going to make sure there are no low spots in the fence for Jake to get under . And I 'll put a collar on him with our info . We are pretty sure he can 't scale the fence . He weighs like 18lbs , has no front claws and is probably 13 - 14 years old . Or another way to put it , he isn 't very agile . During the day Ripley keeps Jake from coming downstairs , but now that Ripley is getting older , he 's sleeping harder at night and didn 't hear Jake come downstairs . I wish I could find a way to bottle up the weather today . It is so incredibly refreshing out there . I went on my morning walk and was gone for about an hour and half . Afterwards , instead of feeling drained , exhausted , and overheated ; I felt energized and rejuvinated ! The girls enjoyed it too . The sun is shining , the breeze is blowing the temperature was 68 when started out the door . I met up with my friend Stephanie . She needed to get out with her boys . We walked around for almost an hour . It 's so good to chat with another mom of twins . After she had to go in to figure out what Nick wanted ( he started to get fussy ) I headed over to Melissa 's house . I hadn 't heard much from her in the past few days so I figured I needed to poke her a few times . Her mom was in town visiting . Her mom was so cute ! She 's from Georgia and that 's another thing that should be able to be bottled . Her Georgia accent . I didn 't want to intrude on them for too long , so I figured it was time to head on home . Maddie and Izzie were also in a terrific mood . We played on the floor together for a good 45 min before I took them up for naptime . The whole time they were happy and laughing . After nap , we are going to go run some errands . Getting out with my new van is such a breeze that I don 't mind taking both girls with me to do stuff . Plus , they are usually so well behaved out , that I prefer going out with them than staying home . They like to see the world . I took the girls to Walmart today and they helped me pick out a new toy . Um . . . I mean , important piece of equipment . The girls got their first " laptop " today ! They love all the buttons . Here 's Izzie , she 's already a pro . Maddie likes it too . She was more interested in it when it was Izzie 's turn to play with it though . . . A few hours after I got back from Walmart , my friend Ashley called and said she wanted to get out of the house . So we decided to meet up at Firewheel Mall . Again , the weather was just too perfect and Firewheel is an outdoor mall . The girls were so good ! All four of them . We even goAmanda Today I realized that the girls have been alive almost the same amount of time I was pregnant with them . I delievered 5 weeks early on a 40wk scale . Actually I was 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant . The girls are 36 weeks old today . Actually they are : 257 days , 22 hours , 16 minutes and 40 seconds as of 6 : 02pm this evening . I got that from a website where you can enter your birthday . When you are pregnant 8 months seems a lot longer . I think a lot of that has to do with worry . Worry that the birth will go alright , worry that they will be healthy . Worry that they won 't be born too early . Once they are here it is all about survival . Well , in the beginning it was . I remmeber those early months we looked at life in 3 hour chunks . Just had to get through the next feeding . It 's been so much fun to see them grow . Right now they are sitting in their highchairs absolutely cracking each other up . They will sit and look at each other and laugh like it 's going out of style . I 've tried capturing it on film , but as soon as they see the camera , it 's game over . It 's the cutest thing in the world . John and I love sitting in the next room over and listening to it . It 's like their private little bubble and we are on the outside looking in . It 's one of those twin things that you read about . It 's like they know exactly what they are telling each other . You can see it in their eyes . One will " say " something and then the other will laugh and laugh like she told the funniest joke in the world . John says they are talking about us . Then again , what else do they have to talk about ? Posted by Hurricane Gustav hit Lousiana yesterday . After Hurricane Katrina a few years ago , people took the evacuation orders a bit more seriously . Today , in Dallas , we are seeing the lasting effects of Gustav . It 's really windy out there ! We are having winds gusting up to 30 miles per hour according to weather . com . We should get some pretty good rain over the next day or so . If it hadn 't been for Hurricane Katrina , one of the girls would probably have that name . Katrina was a name my mom had picked out for me , but everyone convinced her to go with Amanda instead . I 've always loved the name . I said that if I had a little girl then I 'd name her Katrina . After the huge hurricane , it just didn 't feel right anymore . Which is okay , because I love the names we did go with and I can 't imagine Isabelle or Madeline being a Katrina . Their names just fit them perfectly . We had the names picked out , but we didn 't know who was who in the womb . I let John pick which girl got which name . I think he picked perfectly . Izzie is 100 % Izzie and Maddie just wouldn 't be any other name either . I love picking out names . The other day Cody and John were trying to come up with names for Baby Klement . Dana is going to drive me crazy , just like her sister and not find out the sex until he / she is born . I can 't deal with suspense people ! ! ! Anyway , John said that if it was a boy they 'd have to name him Emment Klement . for a girl they were leaning towards Billie Mae or some other small town name . Poor little Baby K . Coming up with crazy names is all part of the fun . We called the girls Ditt & Dott in the womb . Our crazy name was Dorthy Deeadra Dittlinger or Dottie D . Ditt for short . This evening we put Maddie in the bouncy and Izzie on the floor to watch her . For some reason , Maddie found this absolutely hilarious . She is bouncing and laughing her head off . Posted by |
Three weeks ago , Matt and I were called into the Bishop 's office and I was offered a new calling . This calling is Helper in the Primary . I would be responsible for helping a 6 year old autistic boy in the ward during church so that his parent 's could attend classes . I had great anxiety over this calling . I was reluctant to accept it because I know that autistic kids can get very physical and they are difficult to handle . It is no secret ( to my blog readers ) that I also have problems with little boys . It isn 't that I don 't like them , it is that I don 't handle them that well . They are dirty and wild and I just don 't understand them . It was very difficult . Not only is this little boy not able to concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds , but he is fast , he is loud , and he is strong . His parent 's had encouraged me to take him on walks around the building during primary to distract him . This was an epic failure . I lost him three times . He is just faster and stronger than me and I could not stop him from running . I felt like crying by the end of two hours . The next week was worse . I opted to not take him on walks because I had lost him the week before , so we tried staying in class . This resulted in screaming , climbing under the chairs and running around the room . I attempted to stop him from doing these things , and he got mad . He grabbed my arms , squeezed , and yanked . And there was pain . So much pain that I had to leave the primary room lest I start crying in front of everyone . It ended up that I pulled my rotator cuff . I couldn 't move my arm without intense pain for a couple of days . Then my brother Johnny ( who is a physical therapist ) showed me some exercises to do and I have been doing them and my shoulder has been feeling a lot better . I still am in pain if I use it too much , but at least I can use it . So , yesterday , I got a call from the Bishop . Someone had clued him in that I had had challenges the previous week in primary . I told him what had happened and it was decided that I would be released and they would call a man to the position who could better handle the physical requirements of the calling . I was so relieved that I started crying . . . again . Only three weeks in the calling and it is over . Shortest calling ever . I admire the parents and the teachers who are able to handle the challenges of an autistic child . I 'm obviously ill equipped for such things . Two weeks and I get hurt . But , the bright side of all this is Matt was released of his primary calling . He has been wanting to get out of the primary for a while because he has been in for 3 years . And , with his new job , it presents a challenge for going to all three hours of church every week . It is doable , but some days he really needs to rest so that he can go to work again and stay awake all night . . . again . This Sunday , we were able to actually go to Sunday School together for the first time in three years . It was so nice to get a little time together . Even if it was just an hour in church together . With this new job , we sometimes don 't even get that on the weekend . Some of you may not know this . . . but I like to cook . I like trying new recipes , experiencing new ingredients , and learning new techniques . I loved watching the food network before we canceled our satellite to same some cash . I 'm surprised how much I like to cook because . . . I never did it when I was young . Unless you count making hamburger helper . . . or spaghetti . My Mom was a single mom for many years and so she didn 't have the luxury of cooking a lot of meals from scratch . It was often my sister Marie who cooked for us and it was always a box dinner because well , Marie was a teenager cooking for 7 kids . When I got to college , I got a job at the school cafeteria working the breakfast shift and I learned a lot about cooking . . . in bulk . On the breakfast shift , I made 8 hotel pans of white rice ( hawaiins love rice for breakfast , it is weird ) . Then I made 6 dozen poached eggs , a whole heap of hash browns , and then I made pancake mix for two hundred pancakes and made pancakes to order for 3 hours every morning . Even though I was technically cook and was cooking . . . I really didn 't learn a lot about food . I never saw a recipe in the kitchen and was really more of a prep cook than anything else . Although I did work the egg station occasionally , so I learned how to make eggs many different ways : poached , sunnyside up , over easy , over medium , over hard , scrambled , and medium . I learned a little when I moved off campus and had to cook meals for myself rather then eat them all in the cafeteria . I didn 't technically have a kitchen in my off campus place so much as a burner , one saucepan , and a microwave . One of my roommates was a Home - Ec major and she taught me how to make soup from scratch . Since it was one of the only things we could make with a burner and a saucepan . But , most of my cooking in that little apartment consisted of Easy Mac , Hot Pockets , and Peanut Butter Fingers . When I moved home to Utah and moved in with my sister Marie , my cooking expanded a little bit . Since I finally had a stove and an oven , I was able to make things like frozen lasagna and frozen ravioli . Mostly , Marie and I spent a lot of time eating cereal and lean cuisine . Oh yeah , we dined like queens ! When I started dating Matt I quickly realized that he was a cook . On our second date , he made orange pork loin , green beans , and roasted potatoes . Things that I had never cooked in my life but that he was completely comfortable with cooking . When we got married , I knew it was my wifely duty to cook dinners for my husband and feed him good food . I had even received recipes ( from sister Ashton ) for my bridal shower and I was armed with tools to feed my man . But , he was severely underwhelmed by my taco soup ( which it turns out he is allergic to ) and my spaghetti with sauce from a jar . So , we set out on a journey together to build a recipe book of our very own with recipes that we both like and that we can cook all the time . Cooking became an activity / hobby that we could do together . It was quality time together doing something we both enjoyed . I started reading cooking blogs and watching the food network to get meal ideas and trying new recipes . Matt and I began to love going to Bed Bath and Beyond to look at all the cool cooking tools . We suddenly had more kitchen appliances than we had space for and I loved it ! When Nicole came along , I started experimenting with making my own baby food . Then , we she was on table foods , I started to make a menu for us so that we could do shopping just once a week and have all of our meals planned and it made dinner even lower stress . Meal planning is definitely my least favorite part of cooking . Some weeks I stand in front of our meal plan calendar and I just do not know what to cook . I go through our 20 recipes or so that we make all the time and none of them sound good or challenging . So , then I will often pull out my millions of cookbooks and start looking there for dinner ideas . Once Dan came along , cooking got harder . It is fairly challenging to cook with two little ones clinging to my legs while I 'm in the kitchen . And , with Matt in school , we haven 't gotten to cook together as often as we did in the past . It is either him cooking before I get home from work so that he can eat before he heads to class or me cooking after he has already left for class . But , despite that cooking has become more challenging , I still love cooking . Cooking isn 't always easy , and it isn 't always cheap . Matt and I have gone organic on a lot of things because it turns out that the kids are allergic to the hormones or antibiotics that are pumped into cows and chickens . Buying organic makes things even more expensive . But , we are trying very hard to put good food into our kids and ourselves . I ate a lot of crappy food when I was young and now that I have experienced quality food , I can 't go back . Frozen meals and highly processed foods just don 't taste as good to me as they once did . I tried eating a hot pocket a few months ago because I was hungry and they provide them for free at my work . I took one bite into that thing and it tasted like cardboard stuffed with lava . It was disgusting . But , I remember eating them all the time in college and thinking they are delicious . My taste buds have changed . I am more open to trying new foods than I ever was when I was younger . I 've even started to retry foods that I thought I hated and have discovered that they are good again ( blueberries , peaches , mangos , ect . . . ) . I love food . Instead of butter , I use olive oil ( or applesauce when baking ) . Instead of just white flour , I mix have white , half wheat . Or , wheat pasta instead of regular pasta . Or I cut the cheese out meals that don 't really need them . Stuff like that . The other night , I thought I might make a fruit topping for the waffles I was making for dinner and I knew we had whipping cream that I could make into whipped cream . So , I cut up some apples and peaches , threw them into a sauce pan with a little bit of butter and some brown sugar and cooked them until they softened and put them over waffles with a little cream on top . It was awesome ! I had never done it before , neither did I have a recipe , but I knew in theory what to do and tasted as I went and it turned out great ! I watch a lot of Master Chef and the home cooks just seem to instinctively know how to make things they have never made before because they know the theory and the technique behind it . That is what I want to do . I want to understand so much about food that I can make things I have never made before because I know the theory . This handsome little man , brings so much joy and adventure to my life . When I was pregnant with this one , I wondered how I would do a boy , I wondered if I would love my boy as much as I love my girl because I was not fond of little boys . They were dirty and rowdy and loud and violent . But this sweet boy , made me realize how much I love my baby boy . Dan is sweet . He is a snuggler and a hugger and loves to snuggle with his mama and I love it too ! He loves his sister so much and just follows her around the house and tries to play with her ( much to Nicole 's dismay ) . " Mama ! Dan is following me ! " Dan is almost 15 months and he is so very physically active . Nicole at 15 months had just learned to walk . Dan at this age is running , climbing , jumping , and all over . . . everything . Dan can run faster than Nicole can . . . right now . This is probably because Dan is fearless . He runs full tilt with no fear of falling . Nicole is a careful runner . She runs with determination and is very exact . Dano is such a good eater . He eats almost anything that we put in front of him and he loves to eat . Which is such a change for us as Nicole is such a picky eater . For Nicole , eating a necessity , for Dan , it is a fun activity . Dan has gotten really good at going down the stairs forwards . He is desperate to go down like his older sister , so he clings to the rails and walks down the stairs . Even though we tried to prevent him from doing this because he has fallen down the stairs so many times . Dan 's vocabulary is . . . limited . His understanding is great , but his speech is small . I think he is so focused on getting places and doing things , that speech just does not matter to him . Whereas Nicole , had 30 words at this age , but had just learned to walk . Dan can run , but only has a handful of words . The only clear word that we hear from Dan that has all the correct syllables and vowels is Buh Bye . He says this all the time . He goes to the door and says , " Buh Bye . " Or hands me my shoes and says it . He loves this word . He used to say " Hi " but now he won 't say it any more , he only says bye . Dan likes tv , but doesn 't love it like Nicole does . Dan 's favorite shows are : Seasame Street , Potty Power , and Yo Gabba Gabba . All other shows he ignores and doesn 't take interest in . Dan is a happy boy . He is such an easy child to take care of . He is laid back and happy and there is not a lot of drama . He is very active and tires me out and has made me baby proof more than I ever needed to with Nicole , but that isn 't as hard to deal with as I thought it would be . Dan loves to be with me all the time . He follows me around ( usually crying ) and he just wants to be doing what I am doing . This seems to be especially true when I am trying to get the dishes done . Except that Dan is more of a hindrance than a help when it comes to the dishes . He is always taking all the spoons out and putting them in his mouth ( whether they are dirty or clean , it doesn 't matter ) . And he loves to try and take the bottom rack out so that he can stand on the dishwasher door . So , it has been a little over a month since Matt and I started sleep training with Nicole and I feel like we have FINALLY gotten into a rhythm . The first 3 weeks were awful . Nicole fought us and fought the training and cried . . . a lot and we had to tweak what we were doing here and there and this is what we finally ended up with that works for us and works for her . 7pm : We start our bedtime routine . No matter what , we try and be home by 7pm so that we can give the kids consistency in bedtime . Obviously , on special occasions we may not get home by 7 , but on regular weekdays , this is our goal . I put both of the kids in a warm bubble bath and then get them out and put them in pajamas . 7 : 15pm : Get Dan a bottle and put him in his crib . Then , I take Nicole into the bathroom to go potty and brush her teeth . Some of the things we have changed in the room is that we are now down to one night light , but Nicole now has a lamp clipped to her head board that she can turn on at any time that she needs it . Being scared of the dark was a big thing with her , but there couldn 't be too much light in the room or Dan couldn 't sleep . So we got this lamp that is clipped to her headboard that doesn 't give off much light and she can use it whenever she needs it . It has helped her SO much ! She actually doesn 't even use it every night . I think the comfort of knowing she CAN turn on a light was all she needed . 8 : 10pm : Go and check on Nicole and give her kisses . Repeat every 10 - 15 minutes until she falls asleep . She usually falls asleep between 8 : 30 and 9pm . 3 . Stays in her room at bedtime . It took 7 weeks , but she finally filled out the chart with stickers . The reward system works so well with Nicole . She is so much better behaved if she is rewarded for good behavior than if she is reprimanded for bad . Snapping at her for bedtime or yelling at her or taking away her privileges does NOT work , it only makes her escalate . We still get incidents where she will come out because we have waited too long to check on her . One night , she came out of her room and saw Matt and I just laying in bed and said , " Daddy ! I wanted you to check on me but you are just lying there . Why aren 't you checking on me ? " And then she immediately started crying . She was so hurt that Matt was just lying in bed instead of taking the time to check on her . It was a little funny . Sometimes , Nicole gets a little confused when she wakes up in the morning . She wakes up , thinks no time has passed and it is still night and comes into my room crying , " Mommy , I wanted you to check on me but you never came ! " When , in reality , she has just been asleep all night . I just have to remind her that it is morning and I can 't check on her while I 'm asleep . So , for finishing her bedtime sticker chart , we took Nicole to the store to pick out a toy . She already knew that she wanted a new puzzle . We got her a box that has four puzzles in it and you can put the puzzle together on the top of the box . I love these puzzles that come with a surface to put them together and a storage place in the box for each puzzle . Whoever invented these is a genius ! Nicole loves her new puzzle and she is so good at putting it together . I thought new puzzles would challenge her , but she put them together like she knew where every piece goes . She is just so smart . One other thing that we have discovered is a big contributer to a happy bedtime is an ample nap . Nicole used to stay up until 10pm at night , so we decided to cut her nap to get her to go to bed earlier , but the more we cut her nap the later she tended to stay up . Our approach seemed logical to me , but after reading Healthy Sleep Habits , Happy Child , I realize that day time sleep and night time sleep are not created equal . If we let Nicole nap for 2 hours in the early afternoon , not only is she a happier child at bedtime , but she actually falls asleep faster . Weird how that is . But , because she isn 't exhausted at bedtime , she is able to relax and fall asleep more easily . If she has her naptime cut to one hour because we have to wake her up to . . . . say , go to church , then bedtime is a lot harder . She cries more , she stays up later and it is harder on everyone . So , we have finally hit our groove ! She naps every day in the afternoon for two hours and always starts our bedtime routine at the same time and we have a much happier child and happier parents . It feels like it took forever to get to this point . Hopefully it lasts . Matt went to work Friday night and stayed up all night after being awake all day on Friday . It was kinda like staying awake for 24 hours . Saturday , Matt got to sleep during the day a little . I took the kids out shopping and to a birthday party so that he could have peace and quiet , but daytime is hard to sleep through . Matt only got 5 hours of sleep before the sun and the day got the best of him and he was awake again . Matt said the second night was better than the first night , but he had a harder time sleeping through the day on Sunday . The kids and I were stuck in the house and as much as I would like the kids to stay quiet all day , it is not in a child 's nature . We woke up Matt and the phone woke up Matt and a meeting a church . . . Matt did not get a lot of sleep and then he had to stay awake all night again . I hope Matt gets more sleep today , but we shall see . We have Matt 's sister watching the kids during the day while he gets some rest . I hope it goes well . Things were hard on me too this weekend . I am not used to being full time , alone parent . I 'm used to taking care of my kids , but Matt is usually there with me and I don 't know all of their daytime schedules . It got frustrating at times just because I 'm not used to it . Bedtimes were fairly easy because that is what I am used to . I always put the kids to bed . But , bedtime for me was more challenging . I 'm not used to Matt not being there with me and I kept waking up and looking for him , only to find empty space on the bed next to me . Additionally , I was the one waking up with the kids at night every night because I was the only one there . During the week , Matt wakes up with the kids in the night because I work during the day and I am used to sleeping through it . A few weeks ago , Matt got a lead on a contract IT job at Adobe that is a graveyard shift . Matt applied for the job , went through the interview process and was offered the position . He passed the background check and he starts the job today ! It is an amazing opportunity that gets Matt 's foot in the door with a great company and it works great with our schedule . Matt will work weekend nights on the graveyard shift and then rest during the day on the weekend while I am home to watch the kids . It will also work while he is in school in the fall because Matt doesn 't have any Friday classes . We really hope that this opportunity may turn into a permanent position for Matt after he graduates . In the past , Matt has had school on week nights , but we always had time together on the weekends , but we will no longer get that time together because Matt will be working at night and sleeping during the day . This job will most definitely be a challenge for us . But , I feel like the sacrifices we make right now , will benefit us in the future . I can sacrifice my time with my husband for the next few months so that Matt can have a good paying , solid , job when he is finished with school . And then , I can stay home with my children , which is what I really want to do . It will be difficult , but I know that we can do it . This job will also provide a second income for us and may allow us to get out of the debt that we have accrued while Matt has been in school . I would love to say that my writer 's salary pays for all our bills and needs , but it simply isn 't true . So , this second income will really help us . Ever since Nicole was 1 , we have put her in swimming lessons every summer . This year , we got to put Nicole AND Dan in swimming lessons . This is Nicole 's first year doing the lessons by herself ( without a parent by her side ) and this is Dan 's first year doing it ever . After the beach debacle , we knew we were in for it with the swimming lessons . Dan hates swimming . He even hates the kiddy pool in our backyard . He screams and cries and desperately tries to get away from the water . Nicole also has water fear . I was able to go to the first lesson with them because I had the day off from work ( because it was the day we came back from Bear Lake ) . So , I got to take some pictures of the kids during their swim lessons . But , the quality is bad because I was taking pictures from the side of the pool and was quite far away , so the flash did nothing . Dan swam with his Daddy and cried the whole time . The pool toys made him happy for a very little bit , but then he was back to crying . He kept shivering too , so we think a lot of his tears are due to being too cold even though the pool is heated . We bought him a little swim shirt after the first day and he did a little be better the second day because he was a little bit warmer . But , he still cries during lessons . That 's okay though , it is good for him . Nicole hugged the steps . She didn 't mind being alone with her class , but she did not want to get off those steps and she kept getting into the pool toys before it is time . Her teacher kept having to put the toys in the basket and try to get Nicole off the steps . But eventually , Nicole got involved and did really well . Until it was time to go . The second she saw Matt and I ( because I made myself scarce during her lessons so that she would do it on her own ) , she started crying . She said , " You left me ! I couldn 't see you and I was alone ! " We tried to tell her that we were there , and watching her , but she was so hurt that we had left her and she couldn 't see us . We rented two cabins , the Papa Bear Cabin ( 15 bedrooms ) and the Baby Bear Cabin ( 3 bedrooms ) . Nicole , upon hearing these names , asked me , " Are we staying in the Three Bears house ? " The whole time we were there , she thought we were staying at the three bears house and it was super cute . The Kimball side of the family is not a small family . There are the children of Grandma and Grandpa Kimball : ( Claudia ) , Janet ( Roger ) , Linda ( Dave ) , ( Diane ) , Grant ( Brenda ) , and Kevin ( Theresa ) . Then , there are their children who also have families : Matt and I , Anne and Carlos , Kristy and Omar , Alicia and Brian , Lindsy and Hubby , Jessica and Jesse , Scott and Renee , and Ryan and Vicky . That is . . . 14 families . . . over 50 people . We are one big group . But , the cabin we were staying in was huge and Matt and I were able to have a room for us and our kids . We left Provo on Friday afternoon and drove for 3 hours to get up to Bear Lake . The drive was not so bad , the kids napped for half of it . But , we had to drive through this windy canyon up past Logan and it took an hour to get through and I got car sick and Nicole had to go potty in the middle of the canyon and we had to stop at a potty at a camping ground that was a hole in the ground . Nicole took one look at the potty and freaked out . She said , " No , no , no ! It 's too dirty , lets find a different potty . " But she was brave and she did it . Friday night , was game night and we played Family Feud and Minute to Win It Games . Then we spent many hours trying to get the kids to go to sleep in our room . Dan was sleeping in a playpen and Nicole on a blow - up mattress . They were so excited about being in a new place that it took a long time . In the afternoon , we drove to North Beach in Idaho on Bear Lake . The kids have never been to a beach before and we thought that it would be a fun new experience for them . We thought wrong . They hated the beach ! They were fine when we were under the canopy , sitting in the shade on a blanket . But the second we took them down the beach to the water , there was screaming and crying and two little kids clawing their way up me to get out of the water . Dano enjoyed playing with the squirt guns while under the canopy . Carlitos , Lucy , and Nicole discovered that the sand was full of shells and then all Nicole wanted to do was sit and collect shells . That was the only time that she was happy while we were on the beach . Collected seashells . Matt finally got Dano to be close to the water without crying . He found him a shovel and Olivia and Dan sat and shoveled the sand . After the beach , we ate dinner and Nicole said that she wanted to go to bed . So we put her in the room , closed the door and went off to play some board games . Someone came to us not much later to tell us that they heard screaming and crying coming from our room . Matt went to investigate and discovered that Nicole had locked herself in the room , panicked , threw up , and pooped her pants . Sigh . We felt really bad because she got so scared and didn 't know how to unlock the door and just panicked and we had no idea . So , we cleaned her up , cleaned up the carpet and got her calmed down . We did not close the door again when she was in the room . We learned our lesson . . . the hard way . Sunday morning , we woke up , ate breakfast and headed to church at 9am . The church was crazy packed ! Everyone on vacation at Bear Lake was going to this one church building and it was crazy . The chapel , cultural hall , stage , and all the surrounding classrooms were full of people for sacrament meeting . There were a good 1200 people there . Just passing the sacrament took almost 30 minutes . The rest of Sunday , we decided to just chill at the cabin and let the kids play . Their favorite part of the cabin was the playground . At first , Nicole was afraid of it and wouldn 't climb up the ladder or go down the slide , but by the end of the weekend she was a pro . Even Dano was a pro . He kept trying to get up the ladder and LOVED going down the slide . Dan is definitely more adventurous than Nicole . Sunday afternoon , we took family pictures with everyone . I did my makeup outside while the kids were playing on the play ground , but once they saw what I was doing , they came over to check it out . Nicole wanted to curl her eyelashes too . It was pretty funny . Monday morning , we got up at 5am , and headed back home . The drive home was just as windy and curvy as the ride up and Nicole got a little car sick this time around . We had to stop after the canyon and let her regroup lest she throw up . The whole trip was a lot of fun . We got to play and relax and the kids loved waking up and having friends to play with every day . It was a good vacation / reunion , but I am glad to be home in my own bed and my own home . I am Becky and I am a mother of four amazing kids , the wife of an awesome husband and a former technical writer . My life is super busy as I mother two kids with autism and try and handle twin boys on a rampage . Luckily , my husband is an amazing Daddy who is my partner in parenting and we tackle these kids together ( figuratively . . . mostly ) . I wrote this for funsies whilst working hard yesterday . This is a simple tutorial on how to sleep at your desk . This is an art that was th . . . Our backyard does not have any shade . We don 't have trees that shade the yard and the kids want to be outside everyday ! They love bei . . . My kids new favorite movie is the new Winnie the Pooh movie . Have you seen this movie ? It is intensely cute and so funny ! The kids just . . . When we got back from Vegas , I changed Dano 's diaper and he had a bad diaper rash . I feel so bad when the babies get diaper rash . I know . . . |
Posted in 04 . The Flirt | Tagged 4 . The Flirt , Becky Barksdale , Beverly Johnson , Beyonce , Bobby Taylor , Cece Peniston , Chili , diana ross , Foxy Brown , Geri Reischl , Helen Phillips , Invincible signing , Jane Pratt , Janelle Commissiong , Jodi Gomes , Kai Chase , karen faye , La Toya Jackson , Lisa Marie Presley , Marva King , P . Diddy , Patti Boulaye , Sherilyn Fenn , Stacey McKenzie , Stephanie Mills , Tatiana Thumbtzen , Tatum O ' Neal , Todd Gray , Vanessa Williams | 8 Comments » I 've tried to put a series of quotes from various people together in context in order to create a more clear understanding of what his releationships were like , something which should hopefully be cheaper and more truthful to read than having to trawl through various trashy lazy biographies . It 's amazing how clear certain stories become when what 's been said has been framed in context . Some of the quotes have been paraphrased and rephrased in order to remove the interviewer 's question , but hopefully the sentiment has been retained . " We had the biggest crush on each other . Of course , at 11 we didn 't smooch all the time . But there was lots of flirting . He was timid but the sweetest , funniest kid . And though we never declared our love - you don 't at that age - we both had feelings . Posing for our end of school picture , he even got me to stand right behind him . He really proved his sweetness , though , when we had to sing in front of our parents before we moved on to high school . I didn 't want to embarrass Michael by being out of tune . But he nudged me and squeezed my hand to let me know it was OK . " I didn 't really have any girlfriends when I was in school . There were girls I thought were cute , but I found it so difficult to approach them . I was too embarrassed - I don 't know why - it was just crazy . There was one girl who was a good friend to me . I liked her , but I was too embarrassed to tell her . But I think Michael really liked me . He called me and then I started driving over to his house , where we hung out and talked about TV and music . He let me watch him sing and dance in their studio . Once we went ice - skating and he held my hand as we glided around the rink . I wondered if he might try to kiss me but he didn 't . After another outing , he did give me a kiss good - bye . But it was only a gentle peck on the cheek . I was just absolutely in love with Michael Jackson . I thought he was the greatest star ever . I definitely had a huge crush on him . And we kissed . On the lips . A little peck action ! It was close , but it was on the lips . I thought he was the greatest thing in the world , I really did . Oh , I felt that hormonal rage for Michael . He never acted upon it , but I did . I thought he was hot . I was ready for Michael but I didn 't make it clear to him that there could maybe be something there . We went ice skating . Michael and Marlon and Randy . And Maureen and Eve and me . She says it was an intimate date between she and Michael . She had a crush on Jermaine ! Michael is presently involved with a young lady he cares about a great deal . However , he is doing everything he can to protect her from the glaring eyes of his adoring public . This is one thing Michael intends to keep to himself . I 'm sure his fans would never begrudge him a little privacy or a little quiet romance . But girl , girlfriend had my nose wide open , okay , you could drive a truck through my nose . I loved her so much , God . I would give her money , I would give her jewelry , I would give her a house , a car , whatever . I was never good enough . She knew how I was from the beginning , it wasn 't like she didn 't . I wasn 't going to change , not until I got married . I loved her so much . I didn 't want to see that . I did not want to see that . I knew she was fooling around . I know , girl . I know it for a fact . And it was a good thing that it was finally over . I don 't regret that I didn 't sleep with her . I 'm glad I didn 't . I was enthusiastic . I thought it would be wonderful for Michael and me to work together . Michael and I were pretty close during that time . We spoke on the phone every couple of days and usually saw each other about once a week , when our careers permitted . We were already very close friends . She 's such a beautiful , talented woman . Doing this movie together was very special for me . I love her very much . I have always loved her very much . Diana Ross was a big support throughout the shooting . Michael referred to her as " my mama " on the set . She made a habit of checking in on him in his dressing room each morning . Even Diana Ross was calling him up - calling Michael every day telling him don 't sign don 't sign , don 't go to Columbia . You 're gonna get in a lot of trouble , things like that . Diana Ross was close to Michael . Michael always admired Diana Ross , he loved Diana Ross . They were very good good friends . I 'm crazy about Michael and I love him a lot . He 's been my inspiration . He 's a very gentle , wonderful human being , one of the special ones in this universe , and I don 't even know if he knows how special he is . So whenever I can be around him , I like it . I like to rub shoulders with talent . He 's got good vibrations . His aura is only about love . So I like being with him . Later , when I showed him the proof sheets of the photo session , he ordered two large prints of every picture , which was highly unusual . Typically , if someone orders one or two pictures from a session , it 's considered a success . I was blown away . " Two of every single one ? That 's about 144 prints … Michael answered , " Yes , I can count . I want one set for myself and one for Diana [ Ross ] . Todd , this is magic . " " They have a friendship as genuine as any I 've seen . On set Diana would say , ' what would Michael think of this ? ' Michael would say , ' what would Diana do with this ? ' " There 's a Black lady in my life but you wouldn 't take me seriously . It 's Diana Ross . I love her . Not as a big sister , see , I told you that you wouldn 't take me seriously . I would like to marry Diana Ross , I 'm saying that . Uh huh , I feel something more than close friendship for her . And what does age have to do with it ? Look at it this way : how old you would you be if you didn 't even know how old you are ? She 's the kind of person I can tell anything to - the most private of secrets ! And she tells me her secrets as well . Sometimes I tell her I 'm going to marry her . Our relationship goes on forever . To me , [ Diana ] is a peacock … That 's what she is . She has so many colors . She 's not only a singer . She 's a philosopher . She teaches you all kinds of things . Sometimes even I 'm stunned at how he can be so shy . He 'll hide , talk like this ( she whispers ) - then you let him on stage - and he turns into this sexy , macho thing . I try to get him to step out socially , to get a little more out of himself . He spends too much time by himself . When I heard Diana Ross was getting married , I was happy for her because I knew it would make her very joyous . Still , it was hard for me , because I had to walk around pretending to be overwhelmed that Diana was getting married to this man I 'd never met . I wanted her to be happy , but I have to admit that I was a bit hurt and a little jealous because I 've always loved Diana and always will . But Michael ( Jackson ) - when he wants to see me , he sees me ; when he doesn 't he kind of closes the door . There 's no reaching him , there 's no finding him , there 's no anything . He 's just this illusive love out there . Somebody you care about , want to protect in a strange kind of way , feeling motherly toward him , but at the same time you can 't reach him and don 't know where he is . There 's something you just said that made me think of Michael Jackson . I used to talk to Michael on the phone all the time . I haven 't talked to him for years now , but he always used to ask me questions about how to make this whole show - business thing work . I thought I was with Diana ; that was just in my own mind . It took me years to get over Diana … A hell of a long time . I told her then , and I 've always believed since , that it was a tragedy that her performance in the play could not have been preserved on film . I cried time after time . If I had been tempted to go onstage , it would probably have been to work with Stephanie , although her performances were so moving that I might have cried right there in front of the audience . I was in love with Michael ! I was really in love , and I thought I was going to be Mrs . Michael Jackson , but he was so slow ! I was ready to become a bride ! Oh my God ! I think I could marry someone like Michael because we both have similar tastes . We both like stuffed animals and children . In that way we 're compatible . But then again , we 've never really sat down and had a long talk . I guess I don 't really know him . We 're always so busy . You know what I want to say … Michael is very much a man and he 's very , he was very loving , very caring and all that but I 've never , we never had sex and I never saw him … I only saw Michael with his underwear on and he looked very cute ! Michael is very cute in his little underwear ! Michael is a great kisser , I 've kissed him ! He is a great kisser ! And he 's very , very affectionate ! Where 'd he kiss me at ? Where do you think he kissed me ? I 'll just say that Michael is very much A MAN ! That 's what I 'm trying to say . We were maybe 18 - years - old . I got to know him as a person , as a friend and he was really all about our love - very affectionate , very loving . He was really all about love . I mean I 've been with Tate … I 've been , well not with … I been with Tate . Tate , I dealt with Tate when I was a little younger . She came up to me in a club , we heard a … Maybe it was too … She put her hand on my … I couldn 't believe it . I saw her again , which was at a club on Sunset Blvd called the Roxy . We talked and talked and talked . When we met , I was sitting at this table and all of a sudden I felt this soft hand reach over and grab mine . It was Tatum . We were watching a band and underneath a table she was holding my hand I was melting This probably wouldn 't mean a lot to other people , but it was serious stuff to me . She touched me . That 's how I felt about it . In the past , girls had always touched me on tour ; grabbing at me and screaming , behind a wall of security guards . But this was different , this was one - on - one , and that 's always the best . It was just magic , better than anything , kissing her , anything . It was magical . There were fireworks going on . It was all I needed . But that means nothing to kids today . She grew up too fast . She wasn 't into innocence , and I love that . - Michael The next day she invited me to join her at Hugh Hefner 's house to watch Roots on videotape . She got sort of bored , so we went outside and got into the jacuzzi . We weren 't naked as people have said . We both had on bathing suits , just enjoying ourselves . And that 's it . Well , I guess I am dating her in a way . I 've taken her out a couple of times - or she 's taken me out - whatever . But she is a friend of mine and I see her occasionally . She wants to take me camping . I 've never done any of those things . I been knowin ' this business all my life so there 's no way of quittin ' - but I am ready for a nice long vacation . He gave me his number , and we started talking everyday - long drawn - out conversations that sometimes got so boring I would hand over the receiver to my friend Esme Gray . Michael would just keep on , thinking he was talking to me . His usual subject was sex . At 12 I didn 't have much to say about sex . But Michael was intensely curious about anything , everything sexual , though in an incredibly sweet and innocent way . Most of the time you [ other entertainers ] understand each other easier , Tatum will call me up and say , " Hey , you wanna go somewhere ? " Like most of the people you may see me out with , like Tatum and Janelle , they 're kind of on and off , they 're friends , and [ hysterical laughter ] … I talk to them . I don 't know how to describe it , really [ more laughter ] . I don 't know what to say . I remember her telling me to come over to her house in Beverly Hills , and what she 's going to do to me . All the sexual stuff . So I 'm scared to death . Scared because I 'd never done anything like that . I came over there trying to be Mr Big Shot and brave and I remember she cut out all the lights in bedroom , opened the curtains so you could see the whole skyline of the city over the cliffs . It was beautiful . Michael used to come to my house when I was living with my dad , and I remember him being so shy . He once came to my house and asked to come upstairs because he 'd never been in a girl 's bedroom before . Once he came into my bedroom , and he wouldn 't even sit on my bed . And she told me to lie on the bed . And I did . She slowly walked over and she touched the button of my shirt to open it . I took my hands and I wouldn 't let them down . And she just walked away . She knew I was too shy for it . She wanted to do everything and I didn 't want to have sex at all , because there were a lot of values associated with being a Jehova Witness . I said , " are you crazy ? " One of those was to be kind to everyone . He sat on the bed , and we kissed very briefly , but it was terribly awkward . So I said , ' I can 't . ' Michael , who was sweating profusely , seemed as intimidated as I was . He jumped up nervously and said , ' Uh , gotta go . ' That 's the closest I ever got to Michael , which is why I 'm amazed by his recent claim on national TV that I 'd seduced him but he was too shy to carry it through . Ours developed into a real close relationship . I fell in love with her ( and she with me ) and we were very close for a long time . Eventually the relationship transcended into a good friendship . We still talk now and then , and I guess you 'd have to say she was my first love - after Diana . I will say that Tatum and I had a really serious relationship . We both are so busy that things have cooled off , but we 're still really good friends . [ She ] calls me all the time and I hope she reads this interview because I 'm sorry I couldn 't get all of her calls . But she 's still a wonderful friend of mine . When I won the Grammy Award for Best New Artist , Michael Jackson was the first person to greet me , he ran to me out of the darkness of the stage . He grabbed me and kissed me on the cheek saying softly ' I 'm so happy for you " - already emotional from my own triumph - it was momentarily eclipsed by that moment with him - I couldn 't believe it . Michael Jackson had kissed me ! Now Brooke Shields , she was one of the loves of my life . We dated a lot . Her pictures were all over my walls and mirrors . My sisters would get jealous and tear them off the wall . I was at the Academy Awards with Diana Ross and she just came up to me and said , " Hi , I 'm Brooke Shields . Are you going to the after party ? " I said , " Yeah , " and I just melted . I thought , " Does , she know [ that photographs of her are ] all over my room ? " She asked me to dance because I was not going to ask her . You know , I 'm really shy and embarrassed . So she says , " I got to dance with you tonight . " I said , great . So we got together on the dance floor and danced . They were playing that old fashioned Benny Goodman , Tommy Dorsey music , which wasn 't much of a groove . First , you 've got all these bald headed old people on the floor slow dancing , the Lawrence Welk sound . We really couldn 't get into it so we got to talking and got to know each other . And man we exchanged numbers and I was up all night , spinning around in my room , just so happy . She was classy . Brooke and Michael have been friends for a couple of years . And it seems that it 's a sudden thing and it 's not a sudden thing . You know how some people look at things and it 's not that way . They have a quiet friendship and she just wants to share and hopefully give him support too as far as a friend is concerned . She 's gorgeous and she 's something special to me . She is the most sincere , understanding and interesting girl I 've ever known . We talk on the phone for hours without getting bored . Despite the press 's portrayal , Michael and Brooke 's relationship was a friendship , plain and simple - at least in Michael 's mind . It was obvious to Janet and me that she had other ideas . About to watch a movie with us at home , Brooke would declare , " I 'm going to sit by Michael , " grabbing his hand . " Michael , where are we going to sit ? " I love Michael dearly . I went to the AMA and that was really the first time we ever went out in public together . I talk to him all the time and he said that he would really like to have me go with him . Brooke Shields asked me out every time you saw us out together . It was her idea to go out and do it every time . I sincerely liked Brooke Shields too . I liked her a lot . Miss Shields had visited my parent 's home and asked him to escort her . Michael looked to me for advice but Michael ended up with her , even though he knew that career wise it wouldn 't be a good move . His fans don 't like to see Michael with a girl because they 're all hoping he likes them . He 's a very very good friend of mine and I trust him and he trusts me and we have a very very good understanding . I mean , I don 't want anything from him , I don 't need publicity and that 's why I 'm seen with him . I like him very very much and I think that he felt comfortable that I was there at the Grammy Awards because he 'd come back and he 'd sit down with me and say , ' Was that OK ? Did I do all right ? ' " Michael is having an affair with Brooke Shields and sees her a lot . Every time I talk to him about her he smiles and seems to be very , very happy . I keep saying to him " Do I hear wedding bells , Michael ? " and he breaks into a big grin . Michael told me that Brooke Shields was the most aggressive girl he 'd met in his life . After being out with her , he 'd come to me and say things like , " She tried to kiss me . She tried to stick her tongue down my throat . " Well , let me say that right now , we 're closer now , than we ever were . We love each other more now than when we even knew we did when we were younger . Because we had fun when we were younger , it was a sense of relief . I think we both had a crush - and still do have a crush on each other . I mean , I think part of having a crush on someone is admiring them - almost , we have a lot of fun together ; it 's almost unfortunate because we know each other so well . I mean , he just amazes me every time I sit down and talk to him . She is very sweet , smart . She is not an airhead . She is real smart . A lot of people think that when someone is beautiful that are like an airhead . She is very smart . Brooke Shields used to call him on the phone a lot . This was the pre - cell phone era , so I would usually answer his calls and then have to go find him in the studio . She was always really nice to me . We 're just friends . He didn 't refer to me as a girlfriend . He felt he could say how he felt about me . We grew up together . He trusts me . Michael was there with Brooke Shields , who he was dating at the time . It was trippy and the studio was dimly lit . I shook hands with them both and played . Then they split , and went off to dinner . He gave me the most incredibly beautiful ring that you could ever imagine . Of course , people built that out of proportion , they said we were engaged . It really wasn 't really about that , it was a friendship ring . When he gave it to me , it was the most adorable thing ; we hadn 't really ever exchanged gifts before . He never actually formally proposed to me , though . He would sort of say , " Why don 't we adopt a child together ? The way your heart works is what I want in my life , " and I said to him , " You 're always going to have my heart . " I was getting changed , so I was crouched down half naked on the dressing room floor and he came in and giggled . I was used to taking my clothes off in front of strangers . Michael seemed very relaxed about it . It helped that I was crazy about Michael and he seemed taken by the fact I was a Playboy model . Michael Jackson and I met in the wardrobe room . I saw his shiny shoes first . He was so cute with his little bow tie . I 'll never forget that . He has such a presence . You can feel his energy from across the room . The last time I saw him was in the studio when he was recording the Bad album . He sent me to Germany , to go pick up our Grammy , our award over there . He let me bring it home , he wanted to come pick it up , but he was going to send someone else to pick it up and I told him , " no , if you don 't come pick it up yourself , you know you 're not going to get it . " So he didn 't come get it so he called and told me that it was mine and I could keep that one . He started getting all nervous and stuff . He said , ' She 's adorable , she 's adorable . She 's so hot ! " It was just so funny seeing him that way . He kept saying , ' I can 't wait until I do the werewolf scenes so I can chase you . ' I 'd say he 's shy , but only when he 's around people he doesn 't know . Actually , Michael seems almost outgoing , at least while he 's working . I could tell just by the way he playfully flirted with me that he likes women . I met Jane Fonda at the studio while getting my makeup done and she asked me to take him a note and give him a kiss and a hug . When I told Michael about the kiss he said , ' Well … ! ? ' . I think if he finds the right girl , he 'll marry her . But in the meantime , I just don 't think he deals with sex . He seems to be on a different level . I mean , sex isn 't everything . Every day , Michael came and sat and watched me . He was in awe of me . He was always in my face trying to learn to do things with makeup like I did . He got to flirt with me . He got to play with me , touch me and flirt with me . So that was great . We would just sit in his dressing room and we 'd talk about … why he couldn 't date me ( laughs ) . You know , why we couldn 't be as intimate as I wanted us to be . He told me that there was someone else that really liked me on the set and he couldn 't cross that line . I had some intimate moments with him in his trailer . Let me see how I can say this without , you know , being too … I won 't say that I have seen him in his birthday suit but close enough . It was a little kindergarten thing . It was important for him to be around someone who would make him feel comfortable . It was kissing and puppy - love make - out sessions - and a little more than that . I 've already told you more than I 've ever told anyone ! I wouldn 't say it was further than he 'd ever been with another woman . I don 't think he 's that innocent . ( laughs ) He 's not that innocent . He definitely knew what he was doing . In his own little way . I think things got pretty sexy between Ola and Michael . Some very sweet kind of physical interaction going on beteen the two of them . I would say not first ( base ) , I would say second base … maybe … third . After that , we talked on the phone every day , on every stop of the tour . And I thought , Wow . Doesn 't she have other things to do ? After all , she 's Elizabeth Taylor ! At the end of the tour , I asked her if I could come by for tea . She said , " Yes . " I brought Bubbles along . She didn 't mind … Other women , probably attracted to Michael 's relative innocence , approached him even more directly . But other women were simply friends , and he received many gifts from them , which he took as thoughtful tokens of their affection . One famous actress gave him a set of beautiful gray silk sheets monogrammed with her initials , ET . We thought they were so sumptuous and pretty : we never thought there was anything untoward about the gesture . Elizabeth Taylor was going to visit and Michael wanted some privacy . Jermaine made a wisecrack about Elizabeth and was quickly put in his place . " Don 't ever talk bad about Elizabeth Taylor to me , Jermaine , " Michael said softly . " She 's beautiful . The most beautiful woman I 've ever met . " By this time Michael and Elizabeth were already well acquainted but their friendship would grow during this brief stay in the hospital . She came for visits several times a day and sometimes brought him violets , which stood in sweet contrast to the dozen black roses LaToya had delivered from London . Yes and no ( do I get jealous about Liz dating other men ) . I know that if we ever did anything romantically the press would be so mean and nasty and call us , " The Odd Couple . " It would turn into a circus and that 's the pain of it all . You know I push her in a wheelchair sometimes , when she can 't walk . It 's none of their business what we have together . I have to be with people who like me . She 's a warm cuddly blanket that I love to snuggle up to and cover myself with . I can confide in her and trust her . In my business , you can 't trust anyone . Elizabeth is someone who loves me - really loves me . But Elizabeth is also like a mother - and more than that . She 's a friend . She 's Mother Teresa , Princess Diana , the Queen of England and Wendy . We have great picnics . It 's so wonderful to be with her . I can really relax with her , because we 've lived the same life and experienced the same thing . He is one of the most loving , sweet , true people I have ever loved . He is part of my heart . And we would do anything for each other . Then , I met Michael . One day I was invited to the studio and I met Michael . I was like , " Oh my God ! I 'm here with Michael Jackson ! " and then my childhood thoughts and dreams just went through my head and Michael was admiring this beautiful waist top that I had . It had so many different panels of lace and he said , " It 's so beautiful ! " He kept walking around me , and I froze ! I couldn 't even talk . I think I 'm star struck ! I did pretty good until I got to him , because I had a crush on him as a kid . Oh my goodness , I 'm like , " Michael Jackson is admiring me ! " It took a while , because he had a lot of security and stuff , like , " What does she want ? " and " Why is she really around ? " You know , they watched me for a while . They studied me religiously , but then they learned , " Okay , she 's not so crazy and she doesn 't have any other motive , except she wants to work and she 's friends with Michael . " Michael ended up taking to me , so I ended up becoming one of his playmates . We had too much fun ! We were two young adults that were real childish , but we had so much fun ! I would travel with him sometimes , and we would torture the press , we would hide and do things ( laughs ) and just have a lot of fun . I saw him turn to the person next to him and say something . I later found out from David Banks , one of the video 's writers , that Michael had said , " She 's the one . The rest are extras . " That 's why it 's my job to cast the girl , because it ' my job to think they are cute . So I can do that if I really like them , like some of the girls you see in my videos . I have cast them because I really like them and it caused a problem afterwards because they start to really like me , and I don 't want to get that serious , and it becomes a problem sometimes . By our fourth take , the heel of my boot was caught in the cars upholstery and Michael put his hand on my leg to help pull it out . It blew my mind that he had actually touched my leg , which I pulled away and began to tumble out of the car falling on my butt and hard too ! Michael started laughing hysterically as Joe Pytka yelled , " Get up , keep it going , keep it going , and don 't stop . " As I did , Michael got out of the car and started wiping my butt off . The fall caused a run in my stockings and the stylist wanted me to change . I started walking off the set and Michael asked , " Where are you going ? " I explained that she wanted me to change my stockings . He disapproved by saying . " No , I like it . I think the run is neat . It 's sexy . " During a quick break from the scene , Michael pointed out two birds high above us perched on a ledge - they were making love . He said , " Look , " while pointing up . I became embarrassed and shy and I looked away blushing . Michael stood gazing at me with this sweet smirk on his face that was somehow naughty . Between the scenes , Michael said to me , " I heard you wanted to dance in this video . " I admitted it was true and I said , " I thought I would get the opportunity to dance with you . " Michael replied in a soft and sweet voice , " Don 't worry , we 'll work together again . " I expressed how great it had been working with him and then he asked me if his team had my number . As I left , I could hear Michael say to Frank : " Aren 't you going to give it to her ? " Frank replied , " No , why don 't you give it to her ? It 's from you . " They were bickering like kids and before I knew it Frank tossed one of Michael 's hats to me . A black fedora with his name embroidered in gold inside the rim that he used in the Bad Tour . I caught the hat as if on cue and as I walked off I recall saying , " I love you Michael " I guess the fan was coming out of me . To be honest , I could not help but to think that [ Katherine ] was checking me out . She wanted to see the girl she had heard about . The girl that had captivated Michael 's interest or tweaked Michael 's curiosity , and I eventually found out I was correct about her suspicion . She admitted it to me later . Yes , I know Tatiana very well . Yes , in fact , right after Michael did the commercial with Tatiana he called me in his room and he talked to me about her because he really liked her and had fallen in love with her and he asked me , what did I think ? And I said , " Well if you 're in love with her let her know . " Not long after the video production was over , Michael 's stand - in , Craig , who had become a friend of mine , called and said , " You know , Michael talks about you all the time . He asks me how you are and told me to tell you hello . I think he really likes you . He says stuff like how incredibly beautiful you are and how sweet you are . " On February 8th Frank Dileo , requested we meet at his office in Ventura . He told me how he could tell I had a thing for Michael and advised me to move on for my affection for him . He told me to focus on my career instead . He also made a comment about having me over to see his new home someday , but without mention of Michael being around or his own family being there . On their first date towards the end of the 80s Michael 's manager Frank Dileo was present as a sentry dog . Frank knew that Michael was interested in her and the three of them met at a restaurant . Without informing Michael , Frank had tried to court her even though he was married . " Ah , ha , you see ! You are a threat to him . If Michael falls in love and wants to marry you , then Dileo fears the person Michael is close to could have more value and credibility than he does with Michael . " Katherine said . Joli , Michael 's secretary joined me . She told me that she knew Michael had feelings for me , because he spoke of me often . Yet , she said that she was confused to why he had not responded to my request to speak with him yet . She promised me that she would make the call happen . As I grabbed his collar , I landed a big wet one on his cheek . I kissed him . I did not think anything of it , and I did not think he would be ticked off . The dancers told me that he was happy and excited about the kiss . Telling me , " OOHHH , Boy ! You just made Michael 's day ! He was happy ! " I pretty much thought it was a good thing . I apologized to him because I had kissed him on the cheek . I said , " I am sorry if I threw you off in any way , " Mike intervened by saying , " OH ! NO ! NO ! It was fine ! It was great ! I liked it ! . " Then I asked him , " Well would it be all right then if I did it again , and perhaps take it a step further ? " He said " Oh sure ! That 'll be great ! " I thought about whether or not I should follow through on the kiss . For some reason I was questioning myself . As I stepped up to him and put my arms around his collar , he looked deep into my eyes , almost as though he was challenging me . Then he did this sexy little thing where he bit his bottom lip . I placed my arm around his waist , and I landed a kiss right on his smacker ! Never for a moment did I feel this was one - sided , as he at this point , put his left hand on my rear . The next person to greet me was Michael 's mother Katherine . She walked towards me and gave me a big bear hug . She later admitted to me that she saw absolutely nothing wrong with us kissing . She approved . Miko was in a rage . He yelled , " How dare you f * * * * * * take advantage of him like that ! You f * * * * * * b * * * * ! Who the f * * * do you think you are ? I cannot believe you are f * * * * * * took advantage of him like that in front of all those people . " Michael 's mother called me saying she was very interested and concerned about me . I first spoke with Rebbie for a few minutes and she said that they were concerned about me . They wanted to know why I was fired from Michael 's tour and she stated that her mother wanted to speak with me herself . As I prepared to go onstage and accept for him , the announcer said , " Since he could not be here tonight as he 's still on tour , we accept this on his behalf . " Well , so much for that ! No one informed me of the change . I approached the gate and I asked Bill Bray , Michael 's assistant if he could please relay to Michael that I would like a moment with him . He told me that he would see what he could do . Before I knew it , Bill yelled ' ' Well hurry up ! If you are coming , come on ! We do not have all day ! We 've got another award to get . " He kept repeating exactly the same words to me that he said on stage . As though he had been scripted . He said , " Oh Tatiana ! It is so good to see you ! I had no idea you were going to be here . " It was like an instant replay , and it was so weird . I said , " Michael , I would really like to talk to you . " Right after I said that , Bill Bray grabbed Michael 's arms and pulled him away saying , " We gotta go ! " They did this as if they planned it . Majestic helped me understand what really happened to me that night . He said that when Bill Bray yelled for me to " Come on " it was probably giving Michael a cue for him to come outside his trailer so that I could not go inside . Then , when Bill pulled his arm saying , " We gotta go , " that was also a planned skit . He made it clear to me that Michael did not want to speak to me . Just as David Banks pointed out before , if Michael wanted something , he got it ! " What Michael once he gets , " he said . When they see me running the other way ( they know I don 't reciprocate ) . Yeah . Some of them follow me around the world and it 's hard . The lie slipped out of my mouth simply because of my feelings for him . I felt that an injustice was being committed . Plus , I wanted Michael to see how much I loved him . The unknown dancer has never been near a celebrity and couldn 't believe that my son wanted her . She could barely overcome the excitement and openly spoke about their relationship . It wasn 't pleasant for Michael because he did not want her to be put out on a public review before he had the opportunity to spend some real time with her . [ Prince and I ] met by chance one night at a club and started talking about an interview I had given to the Star tabloid during the scandal involving Michael Jackson and the underage boy . Prince was upset that I had spoken to the tabloid ; he attacked me for my comments and he was especially bothered by a line that quoted me as saying that Michael would never get married . He shouted , " Did you need the money that bad ? Are you that poor - that broke , that you sell your story to the tabloids ? " From then on I went through an " I want to be like Michael Jackson " phase . I can do everything he can do only I 'm a girl ! I still idolize him above any performer . He transcends almost every level , appeals to everyone . So in the nightclub I was all over the place , I combined everything . Street dance , modern dance , a bit of jazz and ballet , I was Twyla Tharp , I was Alvin Ailey , I was Michael Jackson . I didn 't care , I was free . At the same time she will come to my concert and cry . She comes there and tears rolling down her face for the song and the presentation of the song . There are some good qualities in her . Madonna laid the law down to me before we went out . " I am not going to Disneyland , okay ? That 's out . " I said , " But I didn 't ask you to go to Disneyland . " She said , " We are going to the restaurant and afterwards we are going to a strip bar . " I said , " I am not going to a strip bar . " Guys who cross - dress [ note : House of Xtravaganza ] ! " We drove to the restaurant in my car . It was dark out , but he was still wearing sunglasses . I said , ' Michael , I feel like I 'm talking to a limousine , do you think you could take off those glasses so I could see your eyes ? ' He paused for a moment , then he tossed the glasses out the window , looked at me with a wink and a smile and said , ' Can you see me now , is that better ? In that moment , I could see both his vulnerability and his charm . " Later we went back to my house to watch a movie and sat on the couch like two kids , and somewhere in the middle of the movie , his hand snuck over and held mine . It felt like he was looking for more of a friend than a romance , and I was happy to oblige . In that moment , he didn 't feel like a superstar . He felt like a human being . ( At the Oscars ) it was pouring rain , the limo door opened and Michael got out first . I got out right after him , and my bodyguard leaves with Michael under the umbrella . I was left standing in the rain . It was so fascinating to see how people responded to him . At the time I was with Madonna she was into these books , a whole library of women who were tied to walls . She said , " I love spanky books . " Why do I want to see that ? How would you like getting a phone call and she is telling you that she is putting her fingers between her legs . I would say , " Oh Madonna , please . " She said , " What I want you to when I hung up the phone is rub yourself and think of me . " That 's the kind of stuff she says . She does . When I see her she says , " This is the finger I used last night . " Wild , out of control . She is not sexy at all . Michael was also working on a commercial in a studio nearby where Madonna was shooting a movie . Madonna walked in one day and Michael was telling me something like , " You know Madonna can be naughty , a bad girl . Sometimes she needs to be spanked . " He hadn 't realized Madonna was standing right behind him . So that 's what we were doing : watching movies , having dinner , hanging out , going to the Oscars , being silly , seeing if we could work . He got relaxed . He took off his sunglasses , had a glass of wine , I got him to laugh . " Michael Jackson isn 't very masculine . He looks like Diana Ross . He has those beautiful doe eyes . He even talks like a girl and he 's conquered the world . " Madonna visited MJ in the studio exactly one time . They spent a little while in his " private " room in the back , and then she left . When I asked Michael later about her visit , he said that she " scared " him . I think we all speculated that she tried to make a " move " on him , but Michael never said . In any event , we never saw her again after that … I felt like a peasant next to them , like this big clumsy farm girl . Like , when I 'm hungry , I eat . When I 'm thirsty , I drink . When I feel like saying something , I say it . And they have these manners and they 're just so careful about what they eat and what they say . I haven 't seen that documentary [ Living With Michael Jackson ] , but it sounds disgusting , like he [ Martin Bashir ] exploited a friendship . Publicly humiliating someone for your own gain will only come and haunt you . I can assure you , all these people will be sorry . God 's going to have his revenge . There is no question that Michael Jackson is one of the greatest talents the world has ever known . That when he sang a song at the ripe old age of eight he could make you feel like an experienced adult was squeezing your heart with his words . That when he moved he had the elegance of Fred Astaire and packed the punch of Muhammad Ali . That his music had an extra layer of inexplicable magic that didn 't just make you want to dance but actually made you believe you could fly , dare to dream , be anything that you wanted to be . Because that is what heroes do and Michael Jackson was a hero . When I first heard that Michael had died … All I could think about in this moment was , " I had abandoned him . " That we had abandoned him . That we had allowed this magnificent creature who had once set the world on fire to somehow slip through the cracks . While he was trying to build a family and rebuild his career , we were all passing judgment . Most of us had turned our backs on him . I thought , " my God , he was so unique , so original , so rare , and there will never be anyone like him again . He was a king . " Michael Jackson was a human being but he was a king . Long live the king . The sweetest thing Michael said to me was , um , that I reminded him of a fawn , which is like a baby deer . He said that is what he thought I looked like . I thought that like a " Bambi , " and I thought that was very sweet . " Naomi ! Herb ! " photographer 's shout as Herb attempted to steer Naomi down the red carpet . How 's the video ? " " I want to suck Michael Jackson 's cock ! " Naomi dutifully tried to inform the free press as Herb shoved her in the door while attempting to gag her with his spare hand . We were joking ALL the time . It was like , jokemaster . It was constantly jokes , jokes , jokes . We had a lot of fun . We were like two children . We had water fights and ( giggles ) cream can fights , whipped cream can fights . UKNOWN WOMAN " Well , you know what you gotta go and find out . You can 't afford not to take a chance . I mean you can 't be completely totally alone . " She told me she goes like , " Michael , why can I never get the chance to see you and never get through to you , " and I said . . " I well I don 't wanna call you because I said you know … spend some time with you and stuff . " So she goes , " I love you Michael and I 'll do whatever it takes and all that , " right ? When she was eighteen I used to tell my lawyer John Branca , do you know Lisa Marie Presley ' cause I think she 's really cute . And he 'd laugh every time . He goes , " I 'll try my best " , that 's what he 'd say . Then he 'd come back and I 'd say " well did you find out ? " He 'd say " no , there 's nothing " . Michael wanted to meet me earlier in my life , and I said , " No way . " I thought he was a freak , and I had no interest in meeting him . But when I finally did , he immediately dashed any preconceived idea I had about him . I didn 't think of him like that when I first met him . We had something though . We were sitting talking and after 20 minutes I 'd forgotten who he was . He was very quick to , the first time I met him , sit me down and go , ' listen , I 'm not gay , I know you think this and I know you think that . And he started cursing , and he started being a real person . And I thought ' wow ' . I was always saying , ' People wouldn 't think I was so crazy if they saw who the hell you really are : that you sit around and you drink and you curse and you 're fucking funny , and you have a bad mouth , and you don 't have that high voice all the time . ' He 's not stupid , he didn 't get where he was because he 's stupid . It 's unfortunate that not a lot of people know who he really is . He doesn 't let anybody see it . And he has some idea about how he should represent himself in the public , that he thinks works for him , which is the sort - of meek victim , meek - quiet thing that he does , which is not like how he really is . So , he doesn 't let a lot of people see that . Then I met Michael and I could tell he was interested in me - we had a connection at the time . I made the mistake of saying I was not happy in my marriage , and the courting started . Flowers . Calls . Candies . You name it . . . everything started coming . " I fell in love … for him . Because he was an incredible , an incredibly dynamic person . If you were in his vicinity and he wanted to give - and he showed you who he was , and he was willing to do that in any way , meant that … I have never felt so high in my life . I have never felt so high in my life as that . I am not lying when I say that . He had something so intoxicating about him and when he was on , when he was ready to share with you or give it to you , and be himself and allow you to come in . I don 't know if I 've ever been that intoxicated by anything . Lisa , kept calling me after that . Constantly calling me . And she wanted to get together with Michael more . Lisa met with Brett a few times to talk about it , remarking that she had " a few things in common with the Jacksons and maybe she should pursue a friendship with Michael . " I always talked about him as a passionate man [ who was ] extremely loving … and that attracted Lisa , that loving part , and loving children . I began getting phone calls from an amazed Brett about this time . " He 's saying , ' Gosh , Lisa 's calling me and Lisa 's really interested in Michael ! ' " Brett 's impression , was that Michael was absorbed in his work , but that Lisa was really interested in him . " And I said , ' Come on ! What do you mean ? ' [ Brett ] said , ' You haven 't met him , but he 's very charismatic . ' And I said , ' Yeah , but I can 't believe it . ' He said , ' Yeah , she 's kind of pursuing him . ' I think it was the passion of a woman who fell in love . And Michael wasn 't even interested at all . And he is a gentleman ; he wouldn 't have wanted to pull her away from her marriage to Danny . And she pursued him . He 's not sexually seductive , but there is something riveting about him . He doesn 't let people see who he is . When he does , it 's hard to shake . Yes , she did have sincere feelings for him , according to what she told me . She did . She didn 't do it because Michael coerced her . She genuinely cared about him . She told me she knew he was interested in women . He called … I was in touch with him through the whole process of this - charges going on . I was talking to him when he disappeared . I was actually supposed to go to Santa Juan , Puerto Rico when he left and disappeared , and I got a call that he wasn 't going to be there and I was actually a part of the whole thing with him , by talking to him on the phone , so … Of course , I wouldn 't have married him at the time if I hadn 't ( felt physically attracted to him ) . It wasn 't instinctive to me right off the bat . He needed to make that overture because I wasn 't going to . Apparently , Michael Jackson is a freak in bed . Lisa said he was amazing , and she 's been around . Everyone was saying , ' No way , Lisa . It can 't be true . Michael Jackson ? Are we talking about the Michael Jackson , the one with the glove ? ' However , she wasn 't joking , and it wasn 't long before she didn 't think it was funny , either . My taste in sex is probably " porn style . " [ Laughs ] I am a little dark on the subject . I like it rough , the way they do things in porn movies . Man , we were backstage after the show , and here comes Mike with this chick , and he 's all up in her face , kissing on her , and we were saying , " Who the heck is this girl ? " Finally he introduced her : Lisa Marie Presley . You could have knocked me over with a feather . I said to the guys , " Check this out . The King of Pop and the King 's daughter , together . It had to happen . " They looked pretty cozy . Yeah , anyway we were spending a lot of time together . I don 't know how it didn 't manage to get in the press , because we weren 't hiding it . I was in Las Vegas , we were in … everywhere … bookstores . We were not hiding it . On the way to the movie theater , he turned to her and said , " Lisa , here . Come here . Sit here . " He said it just like a regular man , not in that little - boy voice of his . It was like , you 're going to sit with me , woman , and she did . I was very impressed , but I was also confused . I mean , who was this guy ? I know that he and Lisa Marie were absolutely 100 % in love because I was around them , and it was amazing . It was a great love story . I know that . Michael asked me , " Can I bring my love interest ? " It was romantic . Later , I asked Michael how things were going and he said , " Great . I just got to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world . I hope I 'm worthy of her . I think I might marry her . " For a while , those two were really getting it on . He told her that she was the only woman he could see himself marrying . And I was like , ' You gotta be kidding . ' but Lisa responded , " Myrna , you don 't understand . " Michael was the one who mentioned marriage . On the telephone . He first asked me … We were going out four months , um … right ? Four months ? I was separated for four months and I said … he said what would you do if I asked you to marry me ? And I said I would . Lisa and I were in the living room [ at Neverland ] having a glass of wine . We had just finished watching All About Eve , starring the great Bette Davis . We both love that movie . I just walked over to her , reached into my pocket and pulled out this huge diamond ring . " So what do you think ? " I asked her . " You want ? " She screamed out , " Yes , yes yes . " I never even officially popped the question . We never actually discussed marriage . It just sort of happened . We were in the library in front of the fire and he pulled this giant 10 carat diamond out of his pocket and put it on my finger . I think he got on his knees too and proposed . I did think it would be forever . Lisa didn 't live at Neverland . We visited Neverland the way … I lived at her house in the city and every once in a while we visited Neverland . It would be like our fun weekend . I honestly can tell you that it was in every sense a normal marriage and everything was spoken . In the middle of the night , if he needed to wake up and tell me , bounce something off me , and wake me up and wanna talk … if there was trouble … He was like a little gnome . I used to tell him he was a gnome running around the room because it was hard for him to sleep . A lot of times I couldn 't sleep either if he wasn 't sleeping . I 'd just hear him piddling . It was a bit endearing but then I didn 't mind it . But he did have a hard time sleeping , yes . And I really loved that role and I loved taking care of him . It was the highest point of my life , one of the very highest points of my life . When things were going really well and he and I were united together and he and I had an understanding about some of the people and the things that could go around him and he was with me on those things and we were a unit and I could take care of him . Loved being next to him , taking care of him . I was on such a high from doing that . It was a very profound time of my life . But believe me ; the love affair between them is real . It 's not a phoney marriage designed to make Michael look better . Michael definitely wants to have children with Lisa Marie - and she says she can 't wait to have his baby . The press release was Lisa Marie 's idea . She wanted to set the record straight . If it was up to me , I would have just said , " Let people think what they want . " After the ( Scientology ) test , Lisa Marie hugged him and kissed him on the lips . She was so proud and happy . It certainly looked like they were a happy couple . I was there when Lisa Marie was around . They acted like two kids in love . Held hands all the time and she hung out at the studio for quite a while . I never questioned their love for each other . We did mundane married couple things , like watch TV together . I remember Alanis [ Morissette ] broke like a bat out of hell back then . I pulled him into the room and said , ' You gotta listen to this . ' He liked her and then when she took the Grammy , he goes , ' Well , that 's your girl , you were on it . ' " For Diane Sawyer to ask all the other questions and then have someone else ask that - why ? I 'm sick of this whole stupid thing about , ' Do they have sex ? ' Somebody asked me that and I said , " No , they just sit there , look at each other and masturbate . ' I mean it 's STUPID . I wish people would shut the fuck up and leave him alone . What I saw made me think of the scene which two in love act as if they were alone in the world , in spite of the crowd which surrounds them . That only comes when two people are deeply enthusiastic about one another . I did not even need to guide Michael and Lisa . I did not need , for example , to ask them to intertwine . They spontaneously did it and most naturally . They spoke to each other in a very soft tone , the tone of two people very much in love with one another . Between shots , they were whispering and giggling to each other . They were so happy it was hard to keep their attention on the camera . They were so much into each other . I had a lot of fun with Lisa Marie on the set . But when the director said , " Action " , she became very shy . I was giving her a hard time too ! As for Nic and Michael , there were good times , but people are just interested in the bad stuff . It 's just sensationalism . With Michael , I learned a lot . Nothing was all that terrible . And I did things that hurt him . I did stupid things too . Danny was still very much part of my life . Michael didn 't quite know what to do with that sometimes . That made him uncomfortable and I understood that . Michael would wonder , " Why are you in Hawaii with Danny ? " I 'd take a vacation and Danny would go . Michael would get upset and " Where are you ? " and he would disappear for a couple of weeks and I couldn 't find him . I wanted children and she didn 't . She felt she had her kids . She promised me before we married , that would be the first thing we 'd do was have children . It disappointed me that she wouldn 't keep her promise to me , you know ? The great sex continued , though . It was the thing that made it difficult for her to see straight where he was concerned . Whatever was going on in the privacy of their bedroom was enough to keep her hooked into the relationship . However , things were getting strained . When they weren 't in bed making love , they were fighting . Michael always spoke with affection and respect for Lisa Marie Presley , with the one exception when he told me that she has wanted him to get involved with Scientology and got pushy . He had to tell her that he had no interest in becoming a Scientologist . Michael was dismissive of Scientology and spoke of how the practices of Scientologists that he had been exposed to were not sufficiently spiritual or substantive for him . As much as he can love anyone else , possibly . I don 't know how much he can access love , really . I think as much as he can love somebody he might have loved me . It was like a drug . He was like a drug for me . I felt like I just always wanted to be around him , always wanted to be part of - I felt so high . I 've never felt like that around another human being , except for one , which was my father . I was still very much in love with him when I left him . I left him to sort of stomp my foot in the ground and go … I was trying to take a stand and say , come with me , don 't do this . That was a stupid move , because he didn 't . And he 's you know , he 's a stubborn … I 'm stubborn , he 's stubborn . The two of us it was like you know … I know Lisa was great . She was a sweet person . But it is hard to tie me down . I can 't stay in one place one time so that 's why I don 't know if I can really be completely married all the time . Yes , ( marriage is too confining ) . I don 't know whether I 'm disciplined enough . But I want to say this because it 's important : I didn 't feel appreciated [ by Jackson ] . That was why I left . It might have hit him later because I never took or wanted anything . He may have realized that at some point . I have no idea . I 'm not easy to live with in that way for a wife . I not easy and I know I 'm not easy . And women want to be the center . And I remember LMP would always say to me , " I 'm not a piece of furniture . " " I 'm not a piece of furniture . " " You just can 't … " and I say , " I don 't want you to be a piece of furniture , " and you know , there 'd be some sick little girls calling on the phone and she 'd get mad and hang up on them . Lisa Marie was just with me in Africa . We ( went to ) IMAX theaters , simulated - ride safaris , dinner . We went parasailing . It was wonderful . " She regrets ( not having my baby ) . She said so . She 'd like to ( have a baby with me ) , yes , " he says putting a mischievous finger to his lips . " Shh . " The only thing I know for sure is Lisa definitely is not back with Danny . She really did visit Michael there [ the Beverly Hills hotel MJ was staying at ] . I definitely think Lisa wants Michael back . They spend a lot of time together . I talk to Mike pretty often . The hardest decision I have ever had to make , which was to walk away and let his fate have him , even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow . After the divorce , I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different , in regret . Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation . We again , were going to get back together , we spent four more years after we 'd divorced getting back together and breaking up and talking about getting back together and breaking up . At some point , I had to push it away because it was not , I wasn 't moving forward with myself . And actually afterwards , he and I were still … I was still flying all over the world still with him to follow . After we got divorced she would hang out with my mother all the time . I have all these letters saying , " I 'll give you nine children . I 'll do whatever you want . " and of course the press don 't know all these stories and she just tried for months and months and I just became too hard - hearted at that point . I closed my mind on the whole situation . I remember that 's how she felt ( regretting having his child ) at the time [ laughs ] . No matter what I say , I 'm in trouble with this question . The next issue of TV Guide will probably say " Well , Lisa said she doesn 't ever want to see him again ! " Lisa 's sweet . I like her very much and we are friends . And who knows what tomorrow brings ? I have no idea how she feels today . I 'll just say that . She comes to my house and sees the children , and we talk on the phone , that sort of thing . I 've been through two bad divorces . I just got out of the second one . Even when married to those women that I was married to , I 'd go to bed hurting . I was hurting . The last time I spoke to him was sometime in 2005 . It was a very long conversation . I was so removed from him and he could feel it and he could hear it . And I think that 's one of the things that killed me in the end too was that I was very distanced and he was checking to get a read , he was trying to throw a line out to see if I would bite emotionally and I wouldn 't . I was pretty shut off at that point . I don 't even know how I managed to be like that but I was . He asked if I still loved him and we went into a whole thing about that and I told him I was indifferent and he didn 't like that word and he cried . He was trying to find out where I was at and how I could become so detached . I go ' Hi ' . And he goes ' Hi , ' and I said , ' You know what ? Nobody does what you do better , and nobody does what I do better . Let 's get this over with . ' And he laughed , and we just became friends . It was just right away . When he went into the rehab , I remember that Debbie was so , so relieved . When Michael got out of rehab he started dating Lisa Marie . But he never stopped seeing Debbie , even after he married Lisa Marie . I know when Michael was addicted , Debbie stayed on the telephone for hours and hours , pleading with him to save himself . She told me that she said : " If you die , I will be crushed . I wouldn 't be able to survive it . You are my very life . " He 'd call and say , ' Hi what are you doing ? Do you want to get a video ? ' We 'd sneak out without security . We got caught . I thought , ' Oh my God ! This is like a Beatles film . We 're getting chased by people . We 'd go out and do stuff , sneak him into premieres and things … yeah , we had a good time , we had a good time . But it was true , just the same : Michael was seeing Debbie Rowe while he was married to Lisa . Lisa knew it . At one point , she and Debbie had a tense telephone conversation during which Lisa said : " Look , nursey . I 'm sorry that you 're in love with my husband . But he 's mine . So get lost . " I knew he wanted a family , so one day a few years ago I said to him : " Michael , I 'll give you the baby you want . " He said no . He said he wanted a traditional family . So he married Lisa Marie . When that broke up , when she left him , I said " I 'm serious , I 'll give you the baby you want . " I know that they had sex together . That 's what she told me . That Debbie had sex with Michael … I have no doubt . I wasn 't in the bedroom . But I have no doubt that when she would tell me her - these little things about their private life - that it would … Sleeping with Michael was the weirdest experience of my life . I once had to pretend I was a peasant girl at his ranch while he put on a suit of armor and conquered me . Michael was an incredible lover who left me exhausted . We 'll take suites with two rooms . I need my space . When I need to sleep , I need to sleep . He 'll stay up until 4 am pacing , thinking . Sometimes he 'll come up to me in the middle of the night when I 'm asleep and stick things in my nose or my ear and wake me up . Sometimes I wake up and I won 't hear him and I 'll be in a panic . When I realise he 's asleep , I go into his room and climb into bed with him because than we can sleep together . One of the best things to do is … what I think … When you love someone … don 't you ever wake up in the middle of the night and just look at ' em ? And see the beauty . I mean that 's … peace . That 's … calm . That 's , that 's how that person is . You know you don 't see the stress of the day or what 's going on , you know . And I could sit and stare at him for hours . ' Cause it was calm . At the time when the story broke , Debbie was supposed to meet him in Australia . She presumed that the trip would be off , that Michael would be so upset about what had happened that he would refuse to see her . She cried a lot that day . We call it investigative journalism . She really is Michael Jackson 's best friend . Theirs is a brotherly - sisterly love . She didn 't do this for monetary gain , but monetary gain will result . She made it clear her role is to deliver ( the baby ) to Jackson after three to four weeks . It will be looked after by two nannies hired by Jackson . I picked up the telephone , hoping it was Michael calling for Debbie from Australia , and this woman said : " Would you please put Miss Rowe on the phone ? " ' I thought it was a reporter , so I said : " She 's not here . " And the woman said : " Well this is Michael Jackson 's mother . I simply must find her . " Immediately handed Debbie the phone . Debbie is a nurse who loves her work , who loves taking care of people . Every day she wants to get up and look after others , to help them and make them better . That 's why I love her , and that 's what gives her bliss in life , God bless her . I haven 't abandoned him , a lot of people think I 've abandoned him , I haven 't abandoned him . I haven 't abandoned my husband . I 'm there , it 's not like I 'm that far away . I can be there in 13 hours . I 'm really independent , and Michael understands that , and I 'm really fortunate to have a husband who does understand that . Who knows that I need to work , and I need to have my own self . Because he is so big , and he is so Michael . I don 't need to live with him 24 hours a day . And he 's working right now . And when he comes home we 'll have time , and we 'll be together more . We are a family unit . Michael and I will always be connected with the kids . I will always be there for him . I will always be there for the children . And people make remarks , oh , I can 't believe she left her children . Left them ? I left my children ? I did not leave my children . My children are with their father where they 're supposed to be Michael would kill me if I said that ( we had sex ) , I refuse to discuss those details . But I will say that he 's a normal man , he 's a red blooded man . He 's very flirtatious , he loves women . He was the love of my life . When you look at him , you don 't see the freakish appearance that comes through in pictures . I see his heart . Michael and I used to talk about show biz alot . He gave me alot of advice . He knew I wanted to be an actress , so he put me in Is This Scary and Ghosts . I 'll always be grateful to him for that . He did not want me to do it . Sometimes he didnt know what was best for himself though ! Thankfully , after I did it he thanked me ( although he asked me not to do any more interviews . . lol ! ) The most touching moment for me was when Rebbie spotted me . She came over to me and gave me a big hug . She thanked me for being there for her brother and told me she had heard so many good things about me . That meant so much to me and I 'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Rebbie . Lisa did a FANTASTIC job in articulating exactly how it felt . The interview was great . I was in tears through the whole thing . I completely relate , and I understand . MK : Well , it was just abrupt in his mind , because I hadn 't even been with him long . I had been with him about 9 months . I think he had made plans for me to be there for a little while . As a matter of fact , he was recording with me , but I know for Stevie , it takes forever to get around , so I said , " I don 't know when this is going to happen . " I was the one who he wrote this song for me and I recorded it . " Looking in my mirror . Took me by surprise " ( singing ) . MK : Yes , he wrote that for me . He wrote 2 songs for me that were absolutely beautiful . The other one , I 've never heard that one , but after I left , he gave it to Michael . " Ask Stevie if he 'll give you that song " but he didn 't , he gave it to Michael . I 'm glad , still , that he wrote it for me . I can still say that . MK : No , because I was in it for so long . Like I said , everything around me was pretty much music . I already knew that 's what I wanted to do . By 10 , I remember saying that I 'm going to meet Michael Jackson , I 'm going to be around Stevie Wonder , and my cousin is like , " Yeah , okay " . I said that to her . As a matter of fact , I bet her . I said , " I 'll bet you $ 10 , 000 I 'm going to be writing with all of them . I 'm going to be friends with them . " She said , " okay . " Six years later , I was packing up in Michigan , and heading down to California . Stevie was my first job . JK : It 's interesting , all the stories from artists that I hear , about record deals gone bad , so I 'm glad that you 're doing your own thing now and finding new ways to do it , because you 're able to get your product out a lot quicker , and do your own thing . Tell me about your association with Michael Jackson , because somewhere in there , you recorded with him on the Bad album . How did that come about , and what was that association like for you ? MK : Well , it 's funny . Of course I met Jermaine first , then I ended up meeting Marlon , and I worked with Marlon Jackson in New York on this artist named Betty Wright ; he produced her record . From there , I ended up meeting their entire family , all of them . I would go and do sessions sometimes for Tito , and Jackie , and as a vocalist , they were just passing me around . " You gotta use Marva ! " " No , I want to use Marva ! " It was fun ! I got to work with all the Jacksons ! Then , I met Michael . One day I was invited to the studio and I met Michael . I was like , " Oh my God ! I 'm here with Michael Jackson ! " and then my childhood thoughts and dreams just went through my head and Michael was admiring this beautiful waist top that I had . It had so many different panels of lace and he said , " It 's so beautiful ! " He kept walking around me , and I froze ! I couldn 't even talk . I think I 'm star struck ! I did pretty good until I got to him , because I had a crush on him as a kid . Oh my goodness , I 'm like , " Michael Jackson is admiring me ! " It 's so funny . We ended up getting to know each other . It took a while , because he had a lot of security and stuff , like , " What does she want ? " and " Why is she really around ? " You know , they watched me for a while . They studied me religiously , but then they learned , " Okay , she 's not so crazy and she doesn 't have any other motive , except she wants to work and she 's friends with Michael . " Michael ended up taking to me , so I ended up becoming one of his playmates . We had too much fun ! We were two young adults that were real childish , but we had so much fun ! I would travel with him sometimes , and we would torture the press , we would hide and do things ( laughs ) and just have a lot of fun . MK : Right . We did backgrounds . Because it was such a political situation going on at that time , some kind of way I wasn 't listed . Stuff happened with me on a few projects like Whitney Houston , her first record , I did several songs on there , but my name did not appear . That hurt . MK : I know why , because the group of people that worked on a regular basis and still does , see here 's how you work : it 's credit . When you become a backup singer , or an artist that works on big mega - products , then people read the credits and of course you just get automatic calls for a lot of work . So , these were all family members , and actually they were told to replace one family member , so I was brought in to sing , but that person ' sname still appeared on the record , instead of mine . I was really upset . I was like , " Oh My God ! You 're kidding ! " and of course the record went through the roof . " What is the definition of cool ? Michael Jackson made " Heal the World . " He could do that because he was golden . He was himself . He didn 't have to try to be cool . Think about a lot of your favorite bands or groups . Would they make a song called " Heal the World " ? No , because they are too concerned about their leather jackets . Ironically , they are probably wearing leather jackets because of Michael Jackson . " |
Tyler stood in front of the mirror looking at the freshly pressed white shirt that was tucked into equally pressed dress slacks . She ran her hand down the front of her body as she let out a large sigh . " Never thought I would be this nervous . " " Boy , you sure look good . " Leo whistled as he followed Tyler across the room . " You 're about ready to commit before everyone and God that BJ is the only one you will love for the rest of your life . Why would you be nervous about that ? " He sat down on the edge of the bed . Tyler moved the curtains away from the window to get a look at all the decorations and people milling around the yard . She closed her eyes and her stomach twisted and turned . " Am I doing the right thing ? Am I keeping BJ away from someone who would be better for her ? " She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at Leo . " Am I doing this just to make me happy ? " " What ? " Tyler spun around . " What did you mean by that . I 'm pouring my soul out to you and I get a response like that ? Gee thanks buddy , I love you too . " Leo stood up and placed his hands on Tyler 's shoulders . " How do you think BJ would feel if she heard you say those things ? " He squeezed her shoulders and gave her a little shake . " You have the most perfect woman waiting to walk down the aisle to commit her life to you . I can pretty much guarantee she isn 't thinking twice . " He looked Tyler straight in the eyes . " Let 's not even get into the fact that you now have a son with that woman . " " It 's time , " the wedding coordinator said when she opened the door . " You look like the perfect bride . Tyler is gonna go nuts when she sees you . " " Well then , let 's not keep her waiting any longer . " Tyler raced by the two men before she grabbed her jacket and stopped at the door looking back . " You two coming , or you want to stay here and make out ? " As soon as Tyler spotted BJ in her white silk dress her heart stopped . She had always thought BJ was the most beautiful woman in the world , but the sight that greeted her was a goddess . Her eyes met blue and she took a step forward . " This is the time all little girls dream of . Walking to the one they love so they can promise their love forever , " the best man stated calmly . " Let her have this moment . " As she continued to walk , she let her eyes slowly make their way down the elegantly dressed blonde . The hem of the black jacket that covered a pure white dress shirt stopped just below Tyler 's waist . Tapered black slacks fitted the blonde 's legs just right , as did the shining black cowboy boots . The only color visible was the soft blue rose pinned to the collar of the jacket 's lapel . The minister waited patiently while the two women stepped closer . He couldn 't help but smile as he saw the love and admiration the two had for one another . When they nodded that they were ready , he started the ceremony . The reception after was one no one would soon forget . Tyler surprised BJ with tickets for a Caribbean cruise that would last three weeks . All they had to do was wait for BJ to decide when she wanted to go . BJ was not one to be outdone . She pulled Tyler to the front of the house where a brand new deep - blue Jeep Wrangler was sitting . Everything that could be put into the vehicle was , from a state of the art stereo , to a GPS navigational system . The sun painted the morning sky as the two lovers sat on the open porch steps . Tyler sat behind BJ with her arms wrapped around the tall brunette 's shoulders . BJ had her chin resting on the forearms that held her tight . BJ closed her eyes and let the tender touch sweep through her . " I agree . " She turned slightly to look up into Tyler 's eyes . " What should we do today ? " A large fist slammed down on top of the dark cherry - wood desk . Smoke billowed up around his gray balding head , making it look like steam was coming out of his ears . " I want you to find that fucking bitch and make her pay for putting my son behind bars . " Darren stepped back as his head nodded up and down quickly . " Yes , Sir , we will . It just may take us longer since she was married last weekend and she is on her honeymoon . " " Are you thinking what I 'm thinking ? " BJ casually turned her head to look over at Tyler . She waited until she saw the smile form before she grabbed her cell phone and dialed . " Hi , Mom how is TJ ? " Barb stood up and walked over to TJ . " He is doing just fine . He really misses his morning walks with Tyler , so Leo and Mike have been doing their best to fill in . " Tyler sat up , " What ? What 's so cute ? He didn 't start walking yet did he ? " She tried to reach for the cell phone but BJ moved it to her other ear . " No , he didn 't start to walk . " BJ shook her head . " Leo and Mike have jumped in to take TJ for his morning walks . " " Tell Tyler not to worry . The boys know that those walks are her time with TJ . " Barbara tickled the bottom of the baby 's foot . " Do you want to talk to him ? " " I promise that you 'll never have to be afraid to come to me and tell me anything . Yet if I disagree with you I 'll use all my power to change your mind . " Tyler 's hand rubbed small circles on the baby 's back as she continued to talk . " The most important thing that you must never forget is that you have the greatest momma , and she loves you more than anything in the world . " " Here , your mom wants to talk to you . " Tyler held the phone out to BJ . When the brunette didn 't grab the phone she started to wave it in front of her face . " Honey , phone . " " What the hell is going on ? " Tyler quickly hit the gate 's automatic opener and drove the Jeep in . Looking in the rear - view mirror , she made sure no one snuck in while the metal gate was open . " You would think they had better things to do than wait for us to come home . " " You have got to be kidding me . " Tyler flipped through the rag magazines . " Un - fucking - believable . " She quickly handed TJ to her wife and headed upstairs to get a hold of their attorney who had handled the adoption . BJ held on to TJ and rocked him back and forth as she stared at the assorted pictures of herself and Tyler . The one of Cait looking straight at her with pleading eyes made her heart break . It was the same look Cait had given her right before she died . " You sure you want to do that ? " the messy blonde - haired woman questioned as she moved to get out of bed . " With all the crap those tabloids are spouting off and reporters in every bush ? " " I refuse to let those nasty people run my life . " BJ stood up and walked towards Tyler . " They can say whatever they want , and the public can and will think whatever they want . The only thing that matters is that we know the truth . " " Good . So do you have a plan , or do you need someone with some brains to draw you out a diagram ? " A wicked smile formed as he knew he was getting close to his goal . " I can handle it , Sir , " Darren stated . " In fact my men and I have it all planned out . You will have your paybacks , and your son will know that his son is finally out of the lesbian 's hands . " " I don 't give a rat 's ass about that child . I just want Tyler Jones to know what it is like to have her family taken away from her . " The man sucked in a large drag from his cigar . " The only difference is , she won 't know if they are dead or alive . " " Yes , Sir , revenge will be yours . " Darren ran his hand through his greasy hair . " It will happen tomorrow morning . I 'll let you know when it is taken care of . " " You better get this right , or it will be your ass that is in trouble . " The boss hung up and looked at a picture that showed himself and his only son . " Royal , you always were a dumb fuck , but you 're my son and I 'll get that bitch back for sending you to prison . " " Well since we went to the park yesterday , let 's head down to the pond . Maybe we 'll get lucky and see some ducks or geese . " BJ started off with the stroller in hand . " Maybe next time we 'll bring some bread and see how TJ reacts towards the birds . " " It 's so calming here . " BJ sighed as she watched a small group of joggers pass by . " Too bad we can 't stay here and play all day . " Tyler had TJ out of his stroller and was playing with the baby 's feet as he lay in between her legs . " I know what you mean . Just the thought of not having any responsibility is nice and not so stressful . " The two women didn 't pay any attention to the black van slowly making its way closer to them . When Tyler bent over to take care of her shoestring the van gunned the gas until it was right next to BJ and TJ . The door swung open and out jumped three men in dark clothing and masks . " You Bastards . What have you done ? " BJ 's eyes didn 't leave the still form on the ground . A red pool of blood slowly grew below Tyler 's head . " Ohh God Tyler , please Baby , be okay . " TJ had awakened and started to whimper and cry . One of the joggers that were using the trail was on his cell phone calling the police , while another woman picked up the upset baby . Several people knelt down next to Tyler , but looks of sadness quickly shown on each of their faces . " If you follow me I will tell you everything that I know . " Detective Rush took a step towards an open door . " Please come in and have a seat . " The brown haired detective sat down across from the three people and waited until Leo sat back down . " This morning someone succeeded in kidnapping BJ Stanton . They were in a black van and several people were involved . They took out Tyler with a hit to the head . The baby was left alone . When bystanders started to notice they quickly left . " " No one was close enough to see anything other than several people dressed in black . No license was seen , " Rush informed them . " We basically have no clue whatsoever where to start . We were hoping you might have some clue as to who would want to do this ? " The detective ran a hand over her face and through her hair . " I want to see TJ and Tyler . " Barbara stood up and headed for the closed door . " Where are they ? Can you take me to them ? " " I 'm not sure . The doctors haven 't given me an update yet , " Rush said as she followed the small group out of the room . " Let me show you were TJ is at . " The nurse stood up and allowed Barbara to sit down before she handed the silently eating baby down to her . " He is doing fine . At first he wasn 't happy being here , then he calmed down after we changed him . He just started to get mad again , so we got him this bottle and he seems pretty content now . " " Thank you so much for looking after him . " Mike smiled at the young woman . " His Momma and Mom will be happy to know he was in good hands . " " I want to say yes , but at this moment I 'm not sure . We have nothing to go on , and no one saw anything that is of any help . " Rush walked over and knelt down next to the seated woman . " Hopefully Tyler will remember something , and that will give us a lead that we need to catch these men . " Slowly entering the quiet room , Mike and Leo held on to each other 's hand for support . Tyler 's head was completely covered in stark white bandages with tubes sticking from all angles . The ones that were attached to her body were attached to several machines that beeped and hummed to help the unconscious woman . " You can hear us can 't you ? " Leo asked , as he held onto Tyler 's fingers tighter . " Then you better get off your ass . BJ needs you now more than ever . We don 't have a clue where she is , and you might hold the only key as to who took her , " his voice rose louder and a nurse entered the room . " I 'm going to have to ask you to leave . You 're disturbing the other patients . " She held the door open waiting for the two to leave . " Come back tomorrow and hopefully she 'll be awake . " She said before she walked into the next room . " Well you don 't look so tough now , " Darren said as he moved to the bed . He pulled out a white envelope with Tyler 's name written on the front of it . " Here is a little something to keep your mind occupied when you wake up . " He placed the envelope on Tyler 's legs but stood there and watched the small woman lay there immobile . " I think your wife and I are going to become real friends . " He laughed as he wiped his hand across her mouth . " Oh yes , really close friends . " " I didn 't kill her , Chad . I just knocked her out with some shit . " He held up a dirty rag . " That bitch can fight . " " You 're lucky . The boss would have had you fitted with some cement shoes and lots of water . " Chad smacked the other man on the back of the head . " Any clue when Darren will be back ? " Chad looked at his friend with a questioning look . " What the hell do you mean by that ? The damn ball has started by us grabbing her . " He pointed over at BJ 's still body . " He went to deliver a note so the bitch who put Royal in jail will know who is in charge , and that she will forever be sorry . " The man laughed . " I would love to be a fly on the wall when the little cunt wakes up and realizes what 's what . " " No kidding . " Chad grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket . " I 'm betting it will be awhile before she even wakes up . That one dude really hit her head . All that damn blood and the sound . " He shivered from the memory . " Guess the cop in him had a little aggression that needed to get out . " Chad 's buddy laughed . " I 'm just glad it was her head and not mine . " " No shit . " Chad nodded in agreement as he took a long drag from his cigarette . He saw BJ 's body stir slightly . " Looks like movie queen is waking up . We should close the doors so she doesn 't see us . " The first thing BJ noticed was the smell of old oil and grease . Slowly she opened her eyes and looked around , but the smallest movement of her head made the pounding in her head increase tenfold . " Oh shit , my head hurts . " She grabbed her head with her dirty hands . Barbara sat in the rocking chair with her grandson . She had hummed softly until he had fallen asleep sucking on his tiny fists . " You sleep now my little angel . Your mammas will be home soon and everything will be back to normal . " Leo shook his head . " She was still unconscious when we left . " He closed his eyes and fought back the tears that threatened to fall . " Mike just called that Detective Rush , and still no news on BJ either . " Barbara didn 't try to fight the emotions . She let the tears fall as she walked across the darkened room . " Do you think we 'll get my daughter back ? " " That 's true , but what if for some reason she is unable to do anything ? What if that blow to her head damaged her somehow ? " the now crying woman asked . " My poor baby is out there in the hands of some lunatic . What if … " She sat up and tried to figure out where or what she was in . The walls were metal and green . Old oil stains and dirt covered the walls . She could make out graffiti against one wall done up in white and black paint as well as a small sign saying , ' Bolds Railroad ' . " Taking a guess , I 'm in an old box car . " BJ swung her feet off the mattresses she was on and stood up . As soon as she could keep the world around her from spinning and making her nauseous , she carefully stepped to the side where the door was located . She grabbed a hold of the door handle and pulled with all her might . " Nothing . Knew it wouldn 't , but had to try , " she mumbled as she looked around for another possible exit . " Shit , shit , shit . " " Good morning , " the nurse at the nurse 's station said as she greeted Leo and Mike . " There have not been any changes to Ms . Jones 's condition . Though her heart rate did increase for a small amount of time after you left last night , it went back to normal . " " He should be doing his rounds at anytime . You can go ahead and sit in the room with Ms . Jones . " The nurse gestured towards Tyler 's room door . " Not a problem . I just wish I could do more to help , " the nurse replied with another smile . " Oh by the way , the card that you left on Ms . Jones ' lap is sitting on the dresser next to the bed . " " You didn 't leave a card ? " the nurse asked with concern . " I found it after you were asked to leave last night . No one else has been in that room but the night nurses . " Detective Rush slipped on a pair of see - through gloves before she picked the card up and opened it . Slowly she scanned the typed message before she showed it to Leo and Mike . " Looks like the people who have BJ are trying to torment Tyler . " She will know what it 's like to be locked up with no chance of freedom . I thought it was only right to get paybacks and take something away from you . Make you feel the loneliness of not having your family near . Knowing that your family member will never see the light of day again as a free person makes me very happy . " As of right now , no . " Leo watched the brown haired police officer . " Give us time . " He looked the woman straight in the eyes . " Just give us time . " BJ slumped down onto the mattress and rested her head in her hands . " Damn it . " She let the tears fall down her dirty face . " Tyler baby I hope like hell you are okay and find me soon . " " I see that you are awake now . " Chad smiled as he tossed in a box of stuff . " I would suggest you save what you can of this stuff . Since it may be the last food and water you get for a while . " " Not until you tell me how Tyler is . " BJ stopped just shy of the door as she tried her best to calm her fast - beating heart . " Since I 'm guessing you were one of the assholes that grabbed me . " " Sure I was one of them . " Chad laughed . " And as for your bitch of a girlfriend , she is snug as a bug in a rug at the hospital . Last I heard she still had not woken up from the nasty hit to her head . " " Can you hear me Tyler ? " Leo said as he watched his friend move her head slightly . " Come on Tyler . We need you to wake up . " Leo quickly poured some into a paper cup and added a straw . " Mike help her sit up a little . " He held the straw still . " Take small sips . " Tyler looked from one man to the other before she asked . " Where 's BJ ? " She didn 't like how they looked up and then at each other . " And what the hell happened ? " " I don 't have time . My wife is out there , God only knows where , and I can 't remember a damn thing to help find her . So I suggest you come up with a better answer than that Doc , " Tyler yelled out in frustration . " What in the hell are you doing home ? " Barbara asked Tyler as soon as she saw her walk into the house . " You should still be in bed . " Tyler didn 't have to say a word as Barbara watched the tears start to fall . " Come here . " Tyler didn 't need to be told twice . She walked on still unsteady feet towards the woman who had become a mother to her . " I 'm so sorry . So , so sorry . " " It 's all my fault . I couldn 't protect her , and I can 't even remember what the hell happened , " the distraught woman cried . " What am I going to do ? " " You are going to do what you do best . " Barbara moved so she could look the small blonde straight in the eyes . " You are going to find the bastard that took my baby and bring her home to me safe and sound . " Tyler turned her head and a smile formed across her face . " Hey buddy . " She sat down in the closest chair and waited for Leo to bring him to her . BJ leaned against the side of the prison with her knees bent . Tears that had stopped began to fall again . " I feel in my heart that you 're alive my love , but the image of you getting hit , plays over and over in my mind . " " Tyler , please Baby , come find me . I 'm waiting for you . You 're my only way out of here , " BJ thought before she lay down and fell into a restless sleep . Sitting up in bed Tyler gasped for air . Visions of BJ in a dark place crying filled her mind . " I 'll find you and bring you home where you belong . " Pulling the covers off her body , she slid out of bed and headed to the bathroom . Tyler flicked on the light and stood in front of the big mirror above the double sink . With shaky hands , she pulled off the large white bandage from the back of her head . Tossing it in the garbage can , she grabbed BJ 's hand mirror and held it behind her head so she could see what it looked like . Tyler carefully brushed her hair after she washed her face . She grabbed a pair of dark jeans and a pullover sweatshirt and walked to her dresser for some fresh socks . She stared at the empty bed and sighed . " Hold on BJ . I 'm coming . " She walked out of the bedroom only stopping to pull her boots on and to grab her coat . Stopping just before she closed the back door Tyler looked around she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath . The smell alone reminded her of what she had here . " Home . " Taking one last look she closed the door and headed to the guesthouse . She banged hard on the front door until Leo opened it in his boxers . " Grab Mike , we are heading out and not coming back until BJ is with us . " Tyler didn 't wait for them . She headed to the garage and the locked cabinet that held her weapons from when she was a bodyguard . " Hate to say I knew at some point I would need these again , " she whispered as she unlocked the gray door . " Depends on what Ms . Jones does . Has she been discharged from the hospital yet ? " The large man leaned forward in his chair to rest his elbows on the desktop . " Figured she 'd do that . " Blowing another puff of smoke into the air the large man thought for a few seconds . " Just make sure Ms . Stanton has all the comforts of home until we see what Ms . Jones does . " " Do you want me to go look again ? Maybe I missed him when I went and looked the first time . " Leo took a sip of his lukewarm coffee . They grabbed a table in a corner . Bing had his dog lay on the floor between himself and Tyler before she lit a cigarette and spoke . " You want to know about BJ Stanton . " It wasn 't a question , but a statement . " We know that already . They left me a note while I was in the hospital . We just don 't have a clue who it is . " Tyler leaned her elbows on the dirty table . " Is there any word on the street who it is ? Where they might have her ? Anything , anything at all ? " Bing set his cigarette down in the ashtray . " The only name on the street is some punk of a guy named Darren . He is talking more than he should , and that is the only reason I know that . Otherwise that 's it . " " Darren ? Where can I find this guy ? " Tyler reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a wad of money . She tugged out a couple of hundred dollar bills and slipped them into the old man 's wrinkled hand . " Please , Bing , anything else you know ? " " You don 't have to pay me anything , " Bing replied , trying to hand the money back . " I do this for you for free . You 're the only one besides your grandfather that ever cared a rat 's ass about me . " " Keep it . I know you can use it . " Tyler stood up . " If you hear of anything else give me a call . " She handed Bing her card that already had her cell phone number written on the back . " Use the one on the back . I 'll have my cell on and with me at all times . " Tyler nodded and stood up . Thoughts of Bandit ran through her mind . " I just lost my dog not so long ago . Got hit by a car . " " Sorry to hear that . They 're like children at times , " Bing replied softly . " You go get your girl and make those sons of bitches pay for what they did . " The two women walked into the bright kitchen . The Detective noticed TJ swinging in his bay swing and walked over . " Isn 't he the cutest baby . " " Black is good . " Rush wiggled a little toe before she took a seat at the table . " I need to talk with Tyler and see if she remembers anything since yesterday . Is she around ? " The older woman nodded as she took a sip of her own coffee . " They left in the middle of the night , last night . " She took in a deep breath . " I found a note from Mike on the table this morning when I woke up . I doubt they will be home until they find my daughter . " " I was surprised she didn 't leave as soon as she got home , " Barbara stated . " She looked so lost as she walked around the house after she put TJ to bed . I knew I couldn 't do anything for her , so I just let her pace around . I heard her finally go to bed around eleven . " " Wakey , wakey , " Darren yelled out as he pounded on the side of the train car . He unlocked the padlock and slid the door open to reveal a grumpy BJ . " Well , good morning Sunshine . How did you sleep last night ? " " Bullshit , " BJ spat . " You 're going to pay for what you 've done to me . When Tyler gets a hold of you … " She was interrupted by a deep laugh from Darren . " Last time I saw your girlfriend she was out like a light with bandages wrapped around her head like a mummy . " Darren didn 't stop laughing . " I could have killed her with one hand tied around my back . " Darren quickly wrapped his arms around the fighting woman . Once he knew she couldn 't get away he whispered in her ear . " Careful sweet thing . You wouldn 't want me to hurt you . " He then licked the side of BJ 's face . " You and I could become real close . So close you 'd forget your girlfriend 's name and only want me . " Darren leaned over BJ with an evil smirk . He had always wanted to get his hands on someone who was as pretty as BJ was , and he was about to make his dreams come true . " Look at you . I bet you have never had a real man . " " Oh , I love it when they beg . " Darren grabbed his crotch . " You 're gonna love this just as much as I will . " He started to unzip his pants . Leo turned his head to look at Mike . " Tyler , it could be days until we do find her . You need to take care of yourself so when we do get her back you 'll be able to take care of her . " " I said no . If you want me to drop you two off at the next bus stop I will and you can go home . " Tyler continued to drive . Tyler slammed on the breaks stopping in the middle of an intersection . Not caring about all the cars honking and blaring their horns . " TJ will be just fine without me . It 's his mother he needs . Not me right now . So if you two want to go home and sit around and wait for the fucking cops to do whatever they do , then fine , get the hell out . " Tyler sat there for several long seconds . She knew that she should head home , but the thought of walking into the house again without BJ being there would slowly kill her . " It 's not a home without her . I can 't go back until she 's with me . " " We understand what you 're saying Tyler , and we 're here to help . " Leo placed a hand on Tyler 's trembling arm . " We 're just watching out for you , because you know you won 't do that for yourself . " " When you get me out of here Tyler , we 're going to go far far away . To a place that has never heard of BJ Stanton or Tyler Jones . A place that is safe for our boy to grow up and be the man he is to be . " Darren walked up and grabbed Chad by the collar of his shirt . " You seem to forget that I 'm your boss and you do what I tell you to do . Not ask me questions . " Darren grabbed the gun he had hidden behind him . " I suggest you take what I 'm saying seriously , because if you don 't they will find your body under the Second Avenue bridge . " He pointed the barrel right at the other man 's face . Darren smiled . " Knew you 'd see it my way . " He nestled the gun back in the waistband of his jeans . " Let 's check on our friend and get out of here for the night . " The two men unlocked and pushed the door open . It took Chad a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the inside of train car . " What the hell happened to her ? " " Ok , we 're on our way . " Mike hung up the phone and told the other two people in the vehicle . " Rush needs us to stop at the police station . " Rush starred at the white envelope that rested in the middle of the table in front of her . On the front was Tyler 's name , and what was inside she had no clue . She had decided to wait for Tyler , Mike , and Leo to arrive before opening it . " Not sure , yet . " Rush pointed to the envelope . " We got that about an hour ago . It was delivered by some young kid who was paid five bucks . " Tyler stepped to the table and stared at it . Her name was written in large black marker across the front . " Can I open it ? " she asked , but didn 't wait for an answer . She grabbed it with the tip of her finger . Tyler didn 't answer . All she could do was stare down at the soft strands of hair . She felt her temper slowly begin to rise . Without thinking about any kind of evidence they might get from it , she grabbed the small bundle of hair and opened the door . The two men didn 't see the police officer talking on his cell phone as they left . Rush however did notice , and stayed back hoping to catch whatever was being said . When the police officer hung up his cell phone Rush stepped out and walked to her Captain 's office . She knocked on the door and didn 't bother to wait to be told to enter . She walked in and closed the door behind her . " Captain , I think we have a leak . " " You look like your friends forgot your birthday . " Chad laughed at the angry woman . " Bet we could find you a couple of presents that would perk you right up . " " Sure . I could call it , ' Cut At Gun Point ' . " Darren laughed as he looked at his handiwork . " What 's the matter honey ? You don 't like my expert hair cut ? " Darren bent closer to BJ , but not so close that she could get a clean shot with her legs . " Just so you know . Your girlfriend now has your lovely locks , and from what I heard she wasn 't all that happy . " BJ couldn 't keep her mouth shut after hearing about Tyler . " Why are you doing this to us ? Why are you holding me here and tormenting her like this ? What the hell has she ever done to you ? " Memories of sliding her fingers through BJ 's hair as she held her lover as she slept rushed through her mind , along with the guilt of knowing that because of some action she had done , BJ was taken . She opened the door just in time to lose the only thing she had in her stomach . The sour taste of stale coffee only made it worse . " I know . I know . " Leo squatted down making sure he wasn 't stepping in the mess on the ground . " Don 't lose hope . We 'll bring her home safe and sound . " " Yes , Sir . " The man walked closer to the seated man . " Our friend on the force called , and it seems that she received an envelope from our associate . Apparently it upset her quite badly . " BJ sat up and leaned against the cool metal sides of her prison . Thoughts of Tyler and TJ filled her head . She wasn 't sure how much longer she could be trapped here without going insane . The smell alone was driving her crazy , but the worst of it was the darkness that surrounded her constantly . " Why aren 't you just the sweet talker ? " The brunette caressed Tyler 's jaw with her finger . " I think you deserve a kiss for that remark . " " Sometimes when you 're sleeping , I have to control myself from waking you up , just so I can have my way with you . " BJ pinched her nipples as she spoke . " My center cries for your touch , and I can 't help myself as I reach down between my thighs . " Slowly her hand traveled down Tyler 's stomach . " My body twitches as I circle my clit . I imagine that it 's your tongue flicking it and stroking it . I want to scream out as I reach my peek , but I like the silence of coming as you sleep next to me . " Tyler moved so she was kneeling right in front of her naked lover . Slowly she ran her tongue over the tips of the fingers offered . " I crave your taste , " she whispered before she slipped one finger into her mouth and caressed it with her tongue . BJ slowly tugged her finger out . " I want you . " She leaned forward and placed a hard kiss against her wife 's mouth . " I want you so bad . " Mike shrugged his shoulders . " I don 't care if she throws a huge ass fit . She needs sleep , and I 'm not taking her to one of these roach motels . " Barbara opened the door as soon as she realized who it was . One look at Tyler and she knew something was way wrong . " Oh God , you got some news . " Leo rushed to Barbara 's side . " No , we don 't have any news . We just got another envelope and it threw Tyler for a loop . So we figured it was best to get her home before she realized what was going on . " A small cry interrupted the silence , and Barb went to stand up and take care of TJ . Slowly she made her way to the stairs , but by the time she reached the bottom step TJ had stopped crying . Knowing that they were safe in the house , she wasn 't worried . Though when she stepped into the room and didn 't see the baby in his crib , she was about to call down to Mike and Leo when the soft sound of TJ 's cooing sent her in the direction of her daughter and Tyler 's room . Her hands went to her mouth to cover the gasp that slipped out . " Even when you 're so out of it the cry of your baby will always break through , " she whispered to herself as she watched Tyler wrap herself around TJ . Standing there for a minute more , Barbara made her way back down stairs . She smiled slightly and sat back down . " So do you have any clues whatsoever ? " " Why don 't you go on up to bed , and Mike and I will start organizing files . Then when Tyler wakes up , it might keep her from killing us for bringing her here . " Leo finished the last of his coffee and stood up . " Trust me , Jim , " Darren finished his drink and waved for another , " I ain 't lying . " He slapped a ten dollar bill on the bar top . " Give me another drink , and one for my friend . " " I 'm taking care of some business for him . " Darren grabbed the fresh bottle of beer that was set in front of him and took a drink . " Let 's just say , I 'm watching precious cargo so that it 's taken care of properly . " Jim grabbed his own drink and shook his head . " You are the biggest liar ever . " He took a swallow of his beer , but it never made it down his throat . It was spewed all over Darren . " Gesh man , what the hell is wrong with you ? " Darren grabbed a napkin and wiped his face off just as a large hand landed on his shoulder . " Get your hand off me , " he yelled and turned . " Oh , shit sorry . " " Watch it muscle head . " Darren stood up and tried to shove Sal . " Be nice to me or I 'll get you into trouble with the bossman . " Tyler jumped ten feet when her cell phone went off in her pocket . " Hello , " she answered as she looked around and realized she was in her own bedroom . " Huh ? What ? " " Tyler ? " Bing whispered into the pay phone as he watched Darren and Sal get into a black sedan . " I found that Darren guy , and I have a pretty good guess who is behind BJ 's kidnapping . " " Bing ? " Tyler moved to swing her legs off the bed . A soft gurgle stopped her from going any further . She turned to see a wide - awake TJ smiling at her . " Was sitting in this bar , and this huge mountain of a man walked in and started to talk with this guy . I didn 't realize who it was because it was all dark , but when he stood up and all I recognized him , and I think I know who the big man was , " Bing said as he looked around to make sure no one was listening . " Have you heard of King Royal ? " " Isn 't he that big drug lord that no one can seem to put away ? " Tyler replied with a yawn . " Why would he be after us ? We have nothing to do with him . " " Fuck , fuck , fuck , " Tyler spat out as what the note said ran through her mind . It finally made sense . " Thanks , Bing you are the best . " Tyler scooped TJ up and held him close . " Soon you 'll have your mommy here . Soon , real soon . " She stood up and walked into the nursery and sat down on the rocking chair . " First I need to get you to sleep . " Thirty minutes later TJ was tucked into bed , and Tyler was getting out of the shower . She used her towel to wipe off the moisture from the mirror . The reflection that stared back at her didn 't faze her . She knew she looked like shit , and the way she felt was even worse , but all that didn 't matter . She had a clue , and in her heart she knew that King Royal was the reason BJ was not with her . She would make sure that he knew not to mess with the people she loved . Tyler held up her hand and pointed it at the mirror . " I 'm coming for you Mr . Royal , and you 'll be dead by nightfall . " She pretended to pull the trigger and whispered , " Bang . " Slowly she made her way down a dark hallway until she reached her old friend 's room . She knocked and waited . A small smile formed on her face when she heard Rags give a soft bark from inside the room . Bing quickly undid the locks on his door . " Hey Tyler , what can I do for you ? " He waved her into his musty one - room home . " Sorry about the mess , but I wasn 't expecting company . " " Don 't worry about it . I just stopped by to see if you could give me the address . " The blonde leaned over to scratch Rags on the back . " The police won 't be any help . They will just waste time with having to go through red tape . " Tyler started to pace . " BJ doesn 't have that kind of time . " Royal walked in and looked at the messily dressed man . The smell of alcohol reached his nose from ten feet away . He shook his head and knew he had to get rid of this liability . Royal stood up and walked around to his bar . He poured himself a drink and slowly drank from it . " Do you know what happens to someone who doesn 't follow my orders ? " Barbara nearly dropped her coffee cup when the buzz from the front gate sounded from the security pad on the wall . She set her drink down and hit the receive button . " Yes ? " " Hold on a second will you ? " Barbara picked up the phone and dialed the guesthouse number . " Morning , Mike . I have someone at the front gate that is asking for you . He said he has some information for you and Leo . " " Don 't call the police . Let him come on up and we 'll meet you in the kitchen . You should wake Tyler up too . " Mike hung up the phone and yelled at Leo to hurry up . Crouching behind a bush to make sure that no one could see her , she waited for several long moments . Watching and listening to everything . Tyler noticed three groups of two walking the parameter of the house . In each of the groups one of the men had a large gun . " Lovely , " the hidden woman whispered . " King Royal . " Leo sighed . " We have one small problem . Tyler went there by herself . So if you call your guys and they go in guns blazing it could cost her , her life as well as BJ 's . " " Is she out of her mind ? That man is a lunatic . We have been trying to nail this bastard on one charge after another , and he just slips through our fingers . " Rush started to pace . " We know , that 's why we have to wait and see what Tyler can accomplish , " Mike stated . " When she 's done she 'll contact us . We just wanted you to know what was going on . " Tyler waited until the two men she had been watching moved out of sight . She counted to ten and ran for a bush that was under a lit window . Making sure no one was coming , she stood up and peered in . Darren cringed when Royal slammed his now empty glass on the table . " It 's little punks like you that detoured my son from being the man he was suppose to be . They brought around the drugs and easy women . " " It doesn 't matter . You didn 't follow the rules . Just like those others . They shoved ideas inside my son 's head and now he is in jail . When he should be by my side ruling the empire I started for him . " Darren quickly sat back down . " I thought the whole idea was to make this Tyler Jones regret what she did to your son . Not me who never met him . " " You don 't get it . " Royal moved so he was standing right in front of the sitting man . " It is to get at Jones , but it 's under my rules . Not yours and what you think is a good idea . " Making her way around the back of the house . Tyler ducked just in time as two more security guards made their way around the house . She waited until she was sure that no one was coming and quickly ran towards the door . " Be unlocked , be unlocked , " Tyler mumbled over and over under her breath . When she was able to turn the doorknob she sighed with relief and opened the door just enough to slip inside . " Guess people don 't lock their doors so early in the day . " " Stop right there big man or I 'll shoot your ass . " Tyler grinned . " Go sit by your right - hand man . " She waved the gun in Darren 's direction . " Then you 're going to tell me where my wife is , or I 'll make you regret ever being born . " " Well , we know she 's in there . " Leo leaned against the back seat . " How do you suggest we get in there without calling attention to Tyler if she has not been spotted yet ? " " I bet she is in there right now with Royal , and if what Bing said is true , Darren is with them , " Mike stated as he looked up and down the street . " So what do you think ? " He looked over at Rush who was in the driver 's seat . " I know we won 't get a warrant to look around . We don 't have enough evidence . " Rush pinched the bridge of her nose . " We may be able to bluff our way in there and hope they don 't come back at us with a law suit . " " Just make sure your boys in blue stay away . " Mike gestured towards the three police cars parked in various spots down the road . " Especially if some of them are working for Royal . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about . We don 't know where your wife is . " Royal sat down with his hands up in the air . " You are a crazy bitch , " Darren yelled out as he tried to move away from his boss . " Plus if you kill us you will never find your wife . She 'll be stuck in her prison with only the memories of me on her skin . " He smirked , not realizing what he had said and how it would make his captor react . " Crap , that sounded like a gun shot . " Rush opened her car door . " That gives us a good reason to enter the premises without a warrant . " " What the fuck do you mean ? " Tyler poked the big man in the head with the barrel of the gun . " You 're the ' Boss ' I thought . You are supposed to know everything . " She hit him hard making a cut appear , and a trickle of blood that ran down his forehead to his cheek to drip on his shirt . " That 's right . " Tyler stepped back and sat down . " Now , if you don 't want to die , tell me where my wife is . " " Like I said bitch . I don 't really know where she is . Only that she is being held somewhere that no one will ever find , " Royal stated as he wiped off the line of blood from his face . " You two go down that hallway . " Rush pointed at two officers . " You 're with me . " She pointed at a third . " We 're going this way . Everyone else , split up and check the rest of this place . " Sal smacked him on the back of the head . " How do you suggest we do that ? The damn door is reinforced and was built so no one could bust it open . " " Well shit , " the other man shouted . " How the hell are we suppose to protect the boss if we are out here ? We don 't even know who 's in there with him . " " I can tell you , and maybe if you help it will make a difference in what charges are brought against you . " Rush stepped out from behind the corner with her gun pointed right at the thugs . " So what do you say ? " Tyler whipped the gun around and pointed it right between the big man 's eyes . " Don 't push me . The only reason you are even still breathing is because you are my link to finding BJ . " " Shit , he was your best link , and you shot him dead . Now your poor wife is going to die knowing you didn 't save her . " Royal laughed . Tyler turned back around and searched for the annoying cell phone . When she found it she pulled it free from the pocket and opened it up . " Yeah ? " " Damn , Darren you got a cold or something ? " Chad held the phone from his ear and frowned . " I just called to find out if you were going to take the supplies to you know where ? " " Pick me up at the boss 's house . " Tyler hung up the phone and smiled as she turned around . " Well it looks like I may have found someone who will take me directly to where my wife is . " She opened the door and waited for it to fill up with blue shirts . When Detective Rush was standing right next to her she handed her the gun . " You 'll need this , but before you even think of arresting me I have to meet someone who will show me where BJ is . " " I need all the police cars out front gone . " Tyler stepped out of the room . She saw Leo and Mike walking down the hallway . " Plus , keep them out of that room ; they don 't need to see that . " As Chad slowly made his way down the deserted street he glanced out of his halfway rolled down window . He swallowed several times hoping he wouldn 't have to stay too long . When he reached the gated driveway , he pulled up and rolled down his window the rest of the way to push the call button . " No need for that , " Tyler stated as she opened the car door and sat down in the passenger seat . She pulled out her other gun and pointed it right at Chad . " You will take me to my wife . " " You will die just like your buddy Darren if you don 't back this car up and get moving . " Tyler pressed the muzzle against Chad 's head . " I would suggest you listen to me . " " Okay , I won 't give you any grief . " Chad wiped his face with his hand . When he reached the spot he always parked at he pulled over and shut the car off . " We 're here . " Tyler nodded and opened her own door . She stood up and let her eyes roam over the area . She could see the lone undercover police car sitting down the road waiting . " Lead on . " Chad stepped to the fence and made his way through the hole . He stepped back and waited for Tyler . " It will take us about five minutes to walk there . " All thoughts but getting to BJ flew out of Tyler 's mind . She began to run as fast as she could . When she reached the train car she stopped and looked at the padlock . Turning sharply to Chad she said , " Give me the key , now ! " She grabbed the key from his hand , fumbled it into the lock , then with shaking fingers Tyler pulled the lock off and tossed it to the ground . Using all her might she wiggled her fingers to slide the door open . The smell almost made her throw up , but she pushed it down and pulled herself up into the dark car . Tyler moved in the direction of BJ 's voice . When her foot hit something she bent over . " BJ ? " She could sense her lover , but was unsure of her feelings after everything that had happened lately . " Please say something . " She didn 't get a chance to say anything else , because a foot collided with her chest . " Ooooff . " She went back and landed on her butt . BJ had hoped to get another shot at Darren . " Guess you didn 't learn the first time asshole . " She quickly stood up on shaky legs and moved towards the open door . She didn 't care if his friend was out there or not . She wanted out . BJ took in a deep breath before she jumped down to the gravel ground . She saw Chad standing there with a shocked expression on his face . " You going to try and stop me ? " " Her . " Chad pointed to the open door of the train car just as Tyler poked her head out . She had an arm wrapped around her chest from the pain . Tyler sat down on the edge before she slid down to the ground . She looked around to see which way her lover had gone so she could follow . She didn 't have to look far , because BJ was now not five feet away from her . BJ cupped the smaller woman 's face . When tired sad eyes met hers she leaned in and placed a kiss on soft lips . When she pulled back silence met her ears . " Listen to me . You have nothing to be sorry for . " Tyler blinked and slightly shook her head and put a block on her emotions . She had smacked herself mentally because she knew she had to be here for BJ not the other way around . " I need to get you to a hospital and have you checked out . " Rush knew what the look was for . The blonde woman in front of her knew that murder charges were more than likely to be pressed against her by the state . " Why don 't you four head on home and I will be in contact . " Barbara stood by the door looking out through the window every few seconds . Leo had called and said they had found BJ and would be taking her to the hospital and then home as quickly as they could . That was three hours ago , and she was about to go out of her mind with excitement . The sound of her grandbaby waking up from his nap made Barb smile . She walked up the stairs to TJ 's room and cooed at him . " Guess what big boy ? Your mama is coming home . " She picked him up and closed her eyes . " It 's all going to be fine now . " The older woman slowly made her way down the steps and watched as the door opened . The sight of her daughter stepping into the house made tears of joy and sadness fall down her cheeks . " Oh thank God you are okay . " Tyler watched from the open door . She nodded her head and smiled . BJ was home were she belonged . She yawned and scratched her head where the new staples had been put in . " Damn persistent nurses . " " You know it was for your own good . " Leo brought his hands up and began to massage Tyler 's tense shoulders . " You lucked out by being able to come home . So go in there and be with your family . " Tyler silently continued to watch the heartwarming scene in front of her . She sighed and shook her head . " I need to call detective Rush and see if any charges are going to be brought up against me . " She leaned her head back against the soft material and closed her eyes . Her heart felt relief , but her mind would not shut down . It was jumping from one thought to another , and half of them made no sense at all . Tyler knew that it all stemmed from the way she had killed Darren . She had never killed someone who was not armed and able to protect themselves . Basically she saw herself as a cold blooded killer , and she knew in her heart she would do it all over again if it meant BJ was now in their home holding their son . " Tyler , I honestly cannot tell you if charges will be brought up against you . In my best opinion I would have to say yes , some sort of charges will be brought against you . It just depends on how far they want to take this , " the detective stated . " I don 't understand . How far they want to take what ? " Tyler ran her hands through her short hair . She was so into the phone call she didn 't see BJ walk into the house . " I shot a man pointblank over and over until I was out of bullets . I didn 't care about anything but him being dead for what he said he did to BJ , and God damn it , I would do it again in a heartbeat . " " I 'm just going to ignore what you just said for right now . I know I could lose my job for it , but your family has been through enough crap , and they don 't need this right now . If charges are going to be pressed , I will come tell you myself . " BJ let her mind wrap itself around the idea that Tyler had killed someone in cold blood . She stood in the hallway for a second before she made her way over and sat across from Tyler and watched the way the smaller woman moved . It took her a second to realize it , but Tyler was moving differently and it disturbed the tall brunette greatly . " Okay Detective . Thanks . " Tyler hung up the phone , but didn 't open her eyes . It took her several quiet minutes to realize that someone else was in the room . " Why aren 't you in the house with TJ ? " " You shouldn 't touch me . You should go back in the house and be with your son . Not out here with me , " Tyler said in frustration and anger . " You won 't push me away . I won 't let you . The only thing that kept me from going totally insane in that train car was images of you , and knowing you 'd save me . Which you did , and damn it I won 't let you fall into some dark hole because you regret what you did , " BJ yelled back . " That 's just it . I don 't feel regret , or guilt , or anything for killing that fucking asshole . " Tyler looked right into BJ 's eyes . " How can you love someone who can do something like that ? " BJ carefully made her way towards Tyler . Hoping beyond anything that when she got close enough her wife wouldn 't move away . When she was within six inches of the other woman she brought a hand up and traced over Tyler 's jaw line to her lips . " You did what you did because you were protecting your family . Nothing more , nothing less . You aren 't a cold - blooded killer and never will be . Trust me , because I see your heart every time I look into your eyes . " Tears started to fall down Tyler 's cheeks as she grabbed a hold of the front of BJ 's shirt . " I would do it again . Without a second thought . To keep you safe or bring you home . You are my soul , and I swore to protect you . " " Like I would let you move all the way out here without me or TJ . Heck , even Mom and you know the boys will come for a visit whenever they can . " BJ leaned down and placed a kiss on the tip of Tyler 's nose . " You are part of this family , and where you go we all go . No matter what . " " Don 't go down that path again . Stay with the here and now . Forget the past , it means nothing . " BJ stated something the therapist had said over and over to her and Tyler during one of many sessions they had gone to . " Then just think of those and not the bad . " BJ brought their entwined hands up and placed a kiss on the back of her wife 's hand . " I love you . " |
Posted on March 7 , 2013 by Who I am 15 I went to see Al today since the roads are cleared of snow . Where I live the paths are total slush . It makes driving a bit difficult when you are in nothing but mush . I know the rules . Let Al do his own pushing . Back off woman ! But for today , when I saw the tears because he was stuck in his room and thought he may not get any lunch , I cheated . I had baked him some cookies but he seemed to have no interest in these . It may because he was so concentrated on making the wheels go round and round . Al now is using a divided plate with three sections . Also straws have been added in with strict supervision because of not being able to release the straw from his lips . He struggles very much with lifting those cups to his mouth . His plate arrived and I didn 't say anything when I saw one divider had about three - fourths cup of lasagna . The server poured his routine water , apple juice and hot chocolate . Al looked up at the lady and asked , " Have I been bad ? " " Because I don 't have any food " . Alright Al said it first , so I gave my two cents . " Don 't you think they skimmed a little on his meal ? I could eat that in three bites . Couldn 't he have a vegetable of some kind to go along with this ? " She replies , " He gets tapioca pudding too " . I pushed a little more making my case and found out spinach and lasagna didn 't sound good to Al , so I looked around at other people eating and saw they had garlic bread . In the end Al got a slice of garlic bread added . His plate looked at least more balanced now . I basically fed him his lunch and he ate the pudding by himself . I helped a little with the lifting of cups but he did the drinking and finally the pain pill must have kicked in because he was able to drink by himself . All through the meal he kept repeating himself . " Oh my legs hurts , oh my legs hurts " . After lunch was over I pushed him back to his room and within minutes the lady came to take him to his outing . She had commented that they were going to his favorite store where there is coca cola but changed her mind when she saw how difficult of time Al was having . I think they ended up going to the day program for his time out today . Posted on February 12 , 2013 by Who I am 41 Except for one day last week when I made a quick run to the gas station for bread and eggs today I got out . Yeah ! Fresh air . I breathed in deeply letting the crisp air come into me . There was plenty of sun and it was a high of 32 . It felt like the best medicine I have had in two weeks . The first thing I saw when I went outside of my house was a black squirrel looking for food . I went back in and grabbed a hand of peanuts and tossed them at him . He didn 't run away . I think he is getting used to my hand throws . The next thing I observed was a bird . Yes it sure was . I stopped dead in my tracks and listened . It was a Spring bird . Yes Spring keep on coming ! I had made some pumpkin bars and a chocolate cake . Why ? I don 't know , something to do . Something to take to Al today . I cheated and had a nibble here and there through - out the evening . When I walked in it was lunch time and I spotted him immediately in the hall . It brought back memories of his Parkinson 's Disease as I watched him trying to stand . He had gotten his walker out into the hall and then his knees buckled and he was frozen in his motion . It was a long hall so I was able to observe the whole movie clip . A nurse aid was holding the walker so he could sit down but his legs would not bend . They worked together and finally he was seated . I arrived just as the nurse was giving him one of his pain pills . Finally his legs kicked in and bent over he walked down to the dining room with me by his side . We sat at his table and he ordered his food . He chose a chicken sandwich , mashed potatoes and peppermint ice - cream . Drinks were ice water , juice and hot chocolate . It took him a half an hour to eat his lunch . He said it still feels like something is stuck in his throat but that the mechanical soft diet was helping . I did see him struggle quite a bit trying to get the two - handled cups to his lips . I don 't know how to help with this so if anyone has any ideas , let me know . He can pick up the cups with both hands but lifting them to his lips seems to be very difficult to him . Then tipping the cup up enough to get the liquid in his mouth was worse . Straws have already been taken a way from him as he can 't release the straw from his lips , so this idea is out . I saw that at least for today his tremors were in full swing . Several times he would be trying to take a bite of his sandwich and the tremors would shake the bun so badly , that it crumbled down his lap and onto the floor . He at least got the protein though , but I felt so bad for him but said nothing . We talked about everything I could think of . I noticed that he barely blinks . Everything he said to me was in a complete stare . I tried when I got home to sit still without staring and I could not do nearly as long as he could . He was in a pretty good mood which I was thankful for . There were no tears . He was going to be going out with the providers that help him to get out of the facility for a while two times a week and I am sure that helped his mood . He was going to the one store that he loves that sells coke vintage items . Then they were going to the Dairy Queen where I had given him a bogo coupon for blizzards . I stopped at the grocery store for some groceries . I didn 't want to stay long because I was beginning to feel worn out . I had been in there about five minutes when all of a sudden I felt like I was going to pass out . Then I got sweaty and shaky . Oh no , not now . I knew then it was my sugar levels . They had become too low . I frantically looked through my purse and found a bite size Hershey bar so I popped that into my mouth and then just prayed that I could get through the store and home . God answered . I walked faster and did make it home and immediately ate . All in all it was a good day . A sure sign of Spring through the birds . Sunshine and seeing Al . Replenishing my cupboards . It all made my day . Today was different . When I picked him up , we went to his favorite eating spot . He talked to everyone he knew and even ones he didn 't . It still bothers me that some people try to brush him off , thinking how different he is . You know , we were taught to not talk to strangers when we were young . I don 't say anything , and I just let it go , but sit back and watch how the uncomfortable strangers wiggles his distance from my brother . It makes me a little sad , but I know I am partial . He ate very well and he was in pain , but he was choosing today , to over look it . Why ? because he saw that a local chain store had hot wheel cars on sale . We went to that store next , and then he even asked to go to another store after that . He walked very slow , but he was steady . He had a good time , I am pretty sure . I did not visit on Saturday , but yesterday , I did go to see him . I took him a meal deal from a drive - thru and when I popped in his room , he seemed a little down . I was almost wishing I would not have brought the food , but then he made a comment about what was in the bag . He got up out of his recliner and we made our way down to the dining room . I sat beside him and pulled all the goodies out of the bag . We went ahead and ate our lunch , even though it was about twenty minutes too early for lunch . As we were eating , the dining hostess stopped by to ask him for his menu choice . I didn 't think he would order anything since I had brought him a complete meal , but to my surprise he said , " Did you know that this is my sister ? She is my biological sister . We have another sister , but she isn 't very nice " . The hostess laughed and then Al said , " This is really my sister ! I am going to order a piece of cherry pie , and could you put some of that ice - cream on top of it ? My sister is eating lunch with me . I want her to have some too " . When the hostess left , I said , " The food is for you bud , not for me . Are you sure you can eat all of this " ? He shook his head yes . In about five minutes , the hostess came back with not one piece of pie but two . I made a comment that she didn 't need to do this , but she said , " He wants you to have it , and we try to please our patients " . I thanked her and Al smiled at me like a proud peacock . When his eating mates came in and others stopped by , he repeated the entire story about who I was and that he had a half - sister who wasn 't very nice . He beamed during our visit . I could see the love for me through each of his words . I was a proud sister . I knew at that moment , that although I miss him terribly here at home , I had made the right decision for him . We are closer now than we ever were . The stress isn 't there when I visit . We talk , actually communicate with each other . He tells me his aches and pains . He tells me who comes in and what he won at bingo . We had a great time , and by the way , he did eat his whole meal plus his pie and part of mine . Geesh , I wonder , Will he have any room for supper ? Posted on November 26 , 2012 by Who I am 22 I went to see Al today . I arrived during his lunch time , so I sat with him while he ate . No one said anything , but it was hard not to notice , that half of his food was on the outside of his mouth . It seemed like the tremors and the aim of judgement was off a little . He did feel it though and wiped his face off . He was talking to his lunch mate and he was in a pretty good mood . He had eaten quite a bit in my opinion , but a strange combination also . He had the meatballs from spaghetti , no spaghetti , probably because of choking . He also had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich , plus a grilled cheese sandwich and vanilla ice - cream , chocolate milk , white milk , and water . Wow , what a big lunch , and believe me , he ate every bite , and even wiped up the crumbs ! They want him to keep his legs up in his recliner , and the nursing staff wants him to walk as much as possible . How do we make both departments happy ? I don 't know and hope that they get it worked out . All in all , it was a good visit . No tears , more chatter . Even with the seriousness of the leg swelling , I was able to put that on the back burner . Some things we can not change . Posted on August 8 , 2012 by Who I am 11 The next Dahlia woke up to darkness . She sat there blinking her eyes , but no shadow came into play . She tried crawling out of bed to get her robe on and tripped over her slippers . This caused a loud noise , which brought the teacher directly from her bed to Dahlia 's bedroom . In mid morning , the doctor came over with his special tools and checked Dahlia 's eyes out , and found that a few of her blood vessels had broken in both eyes , and there was no way to fix this . She was blind . Dahlia broke out in wails and the teacher came to her side and put her arm around her and tried to comfort her , but it did not work . She told Dahlia that she was going to walk the doctor to the door , and that she would be back in a few minutes . On the way to the door to let him out , she asked him if there was something that could be done and he shook his head no . There was no fixing the already damaged vessels . She thanked him for coming and he told her if they needed him , just to let him know . Teacher walked back to the bedroom where Dahlia was still sobbing and sat down in the rocker across from the bed in silence . All that could be heard in the room was gasping and cries . The teacher felt helpless and didn 't know what to say or do , but she knew that they had to move forth in their lives . The teacher walked out of the room , ignoring the request , and went to the kitchen and started breakfast . Two hard - boiled eggs , fresh fruit , toast with jelly and hot tea . She brought the tray back to Dahlia 's room and rested it on her dresser . Dahlia did not move towards her , in fact , she rolled over the other direction and pulled the covers up over her head . The teacher said that they must eat , that they neither would be able to think clearly about what to do with this new information if they didn 't have nourishment . She took the blankets back and helped her sit up in her bed , and then brought a small table over and placed her breakfast on the table . She took Dahlia 's hands and helped her feel where each food and silver ware was , showed her where the cup was placed . There was no sound , so teacher went back to the rocker and balancing her breakfast on her lap , she began to eat and think about what their next move was . She had her first bite swallowed and all of a sudden a loud crash was heard , and food was splattered everywhere . On the bed , the floor , and her bed - clothes . Dahlia laid back down and covered herself back up , and said to the teacher , go away , leave me alone . She left Dahlia alone , to tend to her grieving and did not offer to help clean her clothing or bed up . In the teacher 's mind this was bad , but she knew of people who had life much worse , and they would work around this . To Dahlia , life was over . Her dreams had vanished along with her sight . Dahlia went deep into herself , never wanting to live again . The school personal called her into a small quiet room and had her wait here . Within a few moments two other personal came in to the room and they all sat at the table . They stated what a fine girl Dahlia was , and that she worked hard and had outstanding grades , but , there was no special equipment here at the school for someone who was blind . They hated to excuse her from this school , they hated seeing her go , but they had no choice . They dropped Dahlia from the classes . The teacher sat there with tears flowing down her cheeks . Her own visions of this beautiful girl not being able to dance and teach had been broken also . She held out her hand to shake and tell her good - byes . They went to where Dahlia 's books were kept and gathered them up and they all walked to the front door , letting the teacher out and the door closing softly behind them . This was it , it was over . So hard to get into school , and so easy to be let go . How could this happen , and what could be done about it . These were all thoughts that were racing around in her head , on her walk home to a student that refused to get out of bed , thinking that her life was totally over . She loved the gym . She spent many Saturdays in here exercising and working on the dance moves she learned through the class . A few of the girls in her other classes seemed to be forming a Saturday group , as they all met up weekly . After their practices were over , they would all walk over to the little cafe and have lunch together and this was something Dahlia looked forward to . Laughter and talk , was a nice way to get a break from having your nose in the books . One Saturday , the girls were all found practicing their dance moves , and then a hard thump was heard . They all turned their heads at the same time to see Dahlia laying on the gym floor . They all went to her at the same time , calling her name and patting her face , asking her if she was alright . It took a few moments , but Dahlia slowly did open her eyes . She seemed a little dazed at first , wondering where she was , but soon it went away and she sat up with help of her classmates . The girls asked her what had happened , had she had breakfast , was she feeling over heated , was she feeling ill ? Dahlia explained that she felt alright , but she had felt a bit dizzy and saw the room spinning and could not hold herself up . The friends decided to call it a day on the practice , and skip the lunch . They all walked Dahlia home and told the teacher what had happened . The teacher sat and listened to what the girls were explaining , and then stood up and felt Dahlia 's forehead , but it was not warm . She looked in to her eyes but saw nothing out of the ordinary . In the end teacher felt Dahlia had just worked too hard and needed to rest . While Dahlia ate her lunch , teacher talked mindlessly about nothing . At the back of her mind though were wandering thoughts about why Dahlia had passed out . She was going to keep a better eye on her , and see if she saw any symptoms . After her lunch was finished , teacher took the lunch tray and told Dahlia to rest and left , closing the door behind her . Once again , she lay her head on her pillow and was soon asleep . She slept for most of the afternoon , and the sun coming over her window , woke her up . She went in to her bathroom and checked her hair , placing a few hairs back into their proper place . She then walked into the living room , , where she found the teacher hanging up the telephone . Dahlia nodded her head but hoped nothing would happen again . Sunday morning found both ladies sitting on the wooden pews at church . They stood to sing hymns , but Dahlia could not see the words too well , they were blurry , and if it weren 't for the fact that she knew them by heart , she would have been found to having no lips moving while the others were singing . The teacher took notice of this and after church was over , and they were walking home , she stopped Dahlia and took her by the shoulders , turned her so they were face to face . She told her that they needed to visit the doctor tomorrow . Dahlia gently refused , saying she had school , but the teacher refused her plea , and said as soon as the school day was over , they would go then , and Dahlia agreed . There was a knock at the front door late afternoon , and when it was opened , there stood the doctor . He had been over in this area visiting church members and thought he would drop in . He was welcomed in and they all sat in the living room . The three chatted for a while , and then the doctor asked Dahlia if he could give her a quick examination . He explained that if he became aware of anything , that she could come on in tomorrow for a thorough exam . The teacher excused herself , and the doctor looked at Dahlia 's eyes , and throat . He listened to her heart . He listened to her lungs , and checked her temperature and pulse . He then went back to examine her eyes once again , and used his small , bright light to look deep in her eyes . The doctor nodded , listening to what she had to say , but thought best if she came in to his office tomorrow , for a better examination . He said he had a special room set aside for eyes , and that with the use of a dark room and his technical tools , the two could get a better look . Dahlia agreed to go , as soon as school was over . She had been left the land to carry after her husband was killed at war . He had been serving his country and news was carried to her that he wad dead , shot by the enemy . Here she was , a young mother , with two children , a farm to run , and very little experience . She knew she needed help . She couldn 't do this alone and take care of her babies too . She got up from the swing and went into the house , tidied herself up and then went to the barn and got out the wagon . After all were safely seated , they made their journey into town , the goal , to find someone to hire to help around the farm with crops , and repairs . To her surprise , the meeting was about herself . When the crowd noticed her they welcomed her with handshakes and hugs . They told her they were not going to let her go this alone , that they were there to support her and to help her . As the meeting adjourned , the circle of friends disappeared , and they all went their own way . The next morning , promptly as planned , several men and a few women folk , showed up at her door ready to work . Some went straight to the land , and started plowing , and the others went to the barn and small buildings to work on repairs . The women folk stayed behind and helped Sophie with window washing and laundry , and spring cleaning . One farmer , who had been in the field , came up near the house , and was getting a drink from the well . Sophie noticed him . He was different from the others . More quiet and staying to himself , just doing his work . Upon his leaving to go back to work , she asked the ladies if they knew who he was . Lunch time came , and the dinner bell was sounded . All gathered around and said a prayer of thanks for the food they were about to eat . It was much - needed sounds she was listening to . Laughter , kids running and playing . The food was hitting the spot too . There was ham , and cold chicken , potato salad , and cherry and apple pies for desserts . Everything cleaned up , they each went back to their work , and before Sophie realized it the day had slipped by . One by one , each went home to their homes . The one left behind to leave last , was her neighbor , and she asked him if he would care to stay for supper . He nodded with a yes , and went to the rain barrel to wash his face and hands . While Sophie prepared supper , he played with the kids . This became a common thing , to see this picture each evening . Comfort was being felt , and a new love was blossoming within these four walls . He bumped into her knocking her down . Books flying everywhere . Loose papers going in all directions . She bent down to pick them up , cursing him to herself , as she knew this was going to make her late to class . She could hear him apologizing to her , but she was ignoring him , scrambling to pick up everything . He bent down to help her , and soon , they had everything neatly back in her hands . He looked straight into her eye , and said with a sincere voice , that he was so sorry . She said ya ya , I gotta go . She breezed by him , leaving him standing there watching her go , then turned around and went to his own class . She entered her class room , all eyes fell upon her , as they were all seated . A stern look from the teacher , told her to go silently to her seat . He found his seat , and as the teacher said open your books to page number 105 , his mind drifted back to the incident in the hallway . He felt like a fool . She was so beautiful , with her long , blonde hair . Her eyes were the color of the sky . The teacher came by his desk and smacked his hand on his desk . I asked you a question . Wake up ! He came back to reality , hearing snickering around him , as he had been caught daydreaming . After class was over , it was lunch time . He went to his locker and got out his brown bag , and proceeded to outside under the big oak tree . He sat down , using the trunk as his back support , and ate his lunch that his mom had packed . He then pulled out his paper back book . It was a book about how to become more confidant in yourself . He was pretty engrossed in it , so he didn 't notice the shadow standing over him until he heard someone clearing their throat . She was staring at his book , and trying to read the title . I heard her say , do you always sit out here alone ? He said yes , I like to have time to myself after going from class to class . It clears my head . She walked on by . He watched her get into her red sports car and take off . He shrugged his shoulders , and sighed , and went back to his reading . A couple of days went by and classes went as norma41 . 238100 i take care of my brother who has Parkinson 's , heart disease , and is mentally challenged . I write poetry and short fictional stories also . stop by and make yourself comfy . Copyright © Terry Shepherd and terry1954 , 2015 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Terry Shepherd and terry1954 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
TestimoniesSalvation is an experiential event that is neither merited nor earned . It 's a gift from God and God alone . We can do nothing but go before an Almighty God : repent and ask for forgiveness in humble faith . Just simply accepting Christ does not save one 's soul from the tormenting fires of Hell , as we are saved by grace not by works . Christ paid the price on the cross that allows us to go to God as a poor beggar asking for forgiveness that only God can give . Below are testimonies reflecting the event that affects eternity . Among the many blessings that I have to be thankful for during this Thanksgiving season , is the opportunity that I have been given to write an introduction to this work , " It Is Well with My Soul , " prepared by the YOU ( Young Old Union ) boys and girls . A few months ago they expressed to the membership of Old Union Missionary Baptist Church , Bowling Green , Kentucky , their desire to collect written testimonies of their experiences of salvation . It was the desire of these devoted young church members to collect these testimonies for the purpose of having them compiled into a volume for publication . Copies were to be made available to those who would desire to have one and also some placed in our church library for future references for those , who in future years , could read and have knowledge of what God had done for their forefathers and mothers . I trust every testimony will be a blessing to the reader and that glory and praise will be given unto our Heavenly Father through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ . May God 's richest blessings be upon our beloved young people for their concern and labors in this work well done . They have sponsored and worked on various projects in raising funds to help with the cost of publication . ( I Corinthians 15 : 58 ) I will close my words with this statement of a psalmist , " Oh give thanks unto the Lord , for he is good : for his mercy endureth for ever . Let the redeemed of the Lord say so , whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy . " Psalm 107 : 1 - 2 Prayerfully submitted , Thanksgiving Day , November 25 , 1999 Foreword Many people are concerned about the youth of our church today . We have serious obstacles as we try to journey the straight and narrow way , from temptations in the world around us to problems in our families to fellowship in our own church . We will each need the prayerful help of the members of Old Union to grow into the church of tomorrow . Yet we are already a part of the church today , and we must not overlook our present duty to serve God . This book is a part of how we have chosen to fulfill that duty . We would like to thank everyone who had anything to do with the compilation and / or publication of It Is Well with My Soul . God 's rewards will be greater than any thanks we may offer , but we do it just the same . We would ask any reader to open his or her heart and share in the joyful testimonies of the members of this church who have sought out and found their Savior , Jesus Christ . Notice especially the words of Miss Laura Hargis , whose testimony begins our book : " Pray that I will be a soul winner for Jesus . " She could never have known that her testimony would be found and read , and that her wishes would echo through the years and inspire us to this endeavor . For we , too , pray that we will be soul winners for Jesus . The Youth of Old Union Missionary Baptist Church The following was found in a book that had been in the possession of Mrs . Avanelle Page since the Laura and Geneie Hargis sale in 1967 . It was handwritten by Miss Laura Hargis . The account is copied exactly as she wrote it . Though long dead , through this testimony , she speaks from the grave . It makes true the passage in Revelation 14 : 13 : " And I heard a voice from Heaven saying unto me , Write , Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from hence - forth : yea , saith the Spirit , that they may rest from their labors , and their works do follow them . " When I was a school girl I attended a revival day and night for to weeks . The church was close to our school . The Teacher seemed to be a real Christian , he took us to church . I had never realized that I was a sinner at that time . A call went out to the sinners to come to the mourners Bench . I dident realize I was lost at that time . Bro Roberson came to me . In a few minutes that Precious mother of mine came to me she was loaded down with power from god . she wanted me to go to the mourners Bench which I did . I went from time to time dident feel no better nor no worse as I could tell . One night Bro Ben Roberson asked the mourners to come and give him their hand if anyone had been saved . so there was several School mates on the Bench with me that went and give the preacher there hand . so as I had sat on the same Bench I thought I had done the same thing . I thought if they were saved I am to so I went and gave the preacher my hand . Without any change at all that I could tell . I went on for a few weeks Just feeling the same . There was another revival commenced which mother Father & I attended . One night the loard showed me I was lost and without anyone coming and Inviting me to go to the mourners Bench I hurdley made my way up there I was mourner for days and night . I had a heavy burden was lost I tried to pray best I could . Seemed like I was let down in a very dark place no light I realized I had done all I could . So I said loard take me Just as I am . Just as I trusted the Lord he saved my soul fill my heart with perfect piece joy and happiness . I ascended from that dark pit to a place of light everything was pretty . I didn 't shout as I wanted to so bad . I had to receive it Just like the loard was willing to save me . I thank him ever more for saving my soul . so I tell you there was a great change . I felt it to . I felt bran new through and through . I had held on wanting to shout like mother or someone elce . I became willing for Lord to have his way he saved me atonce and made me happy . If I had shouted & S I couldn 't bin no happier I don 't believe . I sang good old songs for 2 weeks & continued to feel so happy . Now sinners had you thought Just how fast you are going to Hell . sit down take your watch and look how fast you are going to Hell . every times it ticks you are nearer Hell please trust Jesus before its too late read 4 chapter of James . Pray that I will be a soul winner for Jesus . Pray for my lost Bros . In 1996 I realized that I was lost and totally separated from God . My thirty - sixth birthday was approaching . I was so burdened by this , but not because I was becoming older . It was because the Lord was dealing with me . The Lord was telling me time would be running out , and if I died today , there would be no hope . In days to come , there would be literature left at my door , in my mailbox , brought to me by family members - all these were on dying lost , and eternal life or Hell . I began to seek the Lord continuously , praying for Him to save me . The Lord saved me . He lifted that burden and that burden was gone forever . I was saved at home . I was 13 years old and went to a revival at Middle Fork Church in Allen County . I went up to the mourner 's bench and a lady came to me and told me to get up and give the preacher my hand : that I was I saved . I knew that I wasn 't saved and the next 10 years were an awful life for me , but I was too ashamed to tell anybody . Tim , my husband , could tell there was something wrong with me and took me to three different doctors , trying to find out my condition . I knew that the doctor would not find anything , because there was nothing wrong with me that the doctor could fix . Tim came in one day and said that night we are going to Old Union 's revival . I was so glad to hear that , because it had gotten to where I couldn 't sleep . I hadn 't seen Margaret Board but twice before when I went in and sat down on the back seat of the church . Margaret came back there to me and asked me if I was a Christian , and I told her that I wasn 't and that I was so ashamed to tell anybody . That night I went up to the mourner 's bench and thought that maybe I could get saved in the daytime when Tim would be at work and not many people would be there . But God doesn 't work that way . He saves you when you give everything up and get willing . Brother Overton was the pastor and Brother Darrell Russell was the helper . Brother Overton could sing the prettiest song and that night he sang it and I got saved . There was the biggest crowd when God saved me , and I got up and Margaret was the first one who came up to me . Everything and everybody looked so bright and I was so happy and I joined Old Union that Saturday night . It has been fifty - two years ago . I am so glad that all of my children have belonged to Old Union at one time or another . Brother Vanderpool has been a big help to my family . We all love him and Sister Vanderpool . Margaret Board has helped all of my children and Wanda , my oldest daughter , would take them to church when I couldn 't go . I love everyone at Old Union Church and ask you to pray for all of us . In 1947 , I went to a revival at Old Union Church . A week had passed and every night Margaret Board would come to me to ask if I wanted to go to the mourner 's bench to pray . I would say no every time . After my wife Betty was saved one night during this revival , she tried to get me to go to the revival for the next day service and I made an excuse that I had to plow my tobacco . I went to the field to plow and got on the tractor and plowed up four rolls of tobacco . Then I got off the tractor and went to the house to let Betty know that I was going with her to church . On the way to church I told Betty I hoped Margaret wouldn 't be there . I didn 't want her to say something to me about me not being a Christian . Brother Overton and Brother Darrell Russell were at the door of the church when I got there and I made the statement , " If I ever get saved , I would be quiet about it and nobody would know . " When the service started that night , Margaret started toward me , and I left my seat and went to the altar . I felt like there was nobody there except me . I was blind and then the Lord saved me , and I shouted and didn 't even realize it . Brother Overton made the remark to me , " I thought you was going to be quiet . " That next Saturday night I joined the Old Union Church along with my wife , Betty . We were baptized that next Sunday at Massey Mill Bridge in Drakes Creek . During the July Revival in 1938 , I went to the mourners ' bench the night of the 19th . I made my altar on the front seat of the amen comer . I didn 't tell it that night , but when I left the mourners ' bench I went straight to Dutch Halcomb and shook his hand . This was a person that I had worked with on the same farm , and we had had some disagreements . The Lord changed my attitude toward him . I went back to the altar the next afternoon , but during that service , I told that the Lord had saved me the night before on the front bench in the amen comer . Brother Luther Stewart was the pastor , and Brother C . B . Massey was the helper . I was baptized above the bridge at Massey Mill , the last Sunday of that revival of 1938 . I 've gone to Old Union Church all of my life , remembering Brother C . B . " Cap " Massey . I was twelve years old when I knew I was lost , a sinner in God 's sight . I wasn 't comfortable around Christians anymore . I 'd been riding home from church with Brother Luther Stewart and Ms . Ora when they were going home with us , but now I was finding excuses not to ride home with them , as I was afraid that they would ask how I was with God . I began praying and asking God to save me , but it wasn 't until the revival in July 1930 , after I had reached my thirteenth birthday , that I really got convicted of my sins . My mother , Georgie Meador , and my sister were ill , so Daddy couldn 't go with us to the revival . Mr . M . E . Tuck and his wife , Ms . Betty , would come and take my brother and me to the revival . On Wednesday afternoon , Ms . B . B . Tucker came and asked me to go to the altar , but I didn 't go , even though my heart was pounding in my chest so , it seemed like it would burst . I felt so bad that I had turned down her invitation to go and pray . I thought I would go with the next person that asked me . Cousin Grace Galloway came to me shortly after that , and I left my seat in the choir and headed for the altar ( any of the front benches ) . I didn 't get saved that afternoon , but went back that night . My mother assured me that afternoon that she was praying for me . Brother Stewart was pastor and Brother William McDonald was the helper in the revival . Brother Andrew Wheeley was handling the singing . The altar was filled with saved people praying and trying to help the lost to find the Lord . I had confidence in all of them , so I depended on them , or something I could do , to bring salvation , but it wasn 't until I repented to God 's satisfaction and trusted in the Savior that I was saved . I stopped praying and Ms . Josie Dearing asked me what I was doing . And my answer was , " I 'm just waiting . " That peace and joy came in my soul and that burden of sin was gone . I felt so light and the old kerosene lamp was so bright . The change was in me and not the lamps . Then Satan came and tried to make me think I had just gone to sleep . I 'd never felt that way before , so I knew God had saved me . Ms . Tuck went in the house with me when we got home , and she could hardly keep up with me , I felt so good . That was July 23 , 1930 on Wednesday night . I was baptized into the fellowship of Old Union Church the last Sunday of that revival , August 3 , in Drakes Creek below the bridge and dam at Massey Mill . I was saved when I was thirteen years old . It was at a night service during the summer revival at Old Union Missionary Baptist Church . I don 't really remember how old I was when I knew I was lost - but I do remember that I foolishly was able to hide it from everyone for a while . I 've never really felt that I could adequately explain what happened that night because it seemed so simple and peaceful . It seemed as thought I was there on that altar in the church by myself , even though I know the altar was full of church members . It seemed dark and quiet to me . Then I was praying , realized that I didn 't feel like I could cry another tear - because I didn 't need to . I had been saved . I 'd heard people tell of shouting , jumping or seeing bright lights . I didn 't experience any of these things - only a sweet peace and calmness . I told the church that night . I joined the church and was baptized at the end of the revival . I thank God for salvation and for my parents , who raised me at Old Union , where I could hear the truth . I was 14 years old when I went to Providence Baptist Church . It was a spring revival . Mrs . Leath across the street asked if I wanted to go . That night , sitting with the other children , something was not just right . The preacher was talking to me . None of the others were listening . But every time I would look or try to do something different he would say something to turn my head . The next thing I knew I was on the altar praying like I never had . After a time God delivered a sweet peace to me . I knew then that all those feelings of lost hope were gone . I told the church what had happened to me that night . The next weekend I was baptized at the creek . Mrs . Leath moved away . I started not going to church . My parents did not go , but I knew what I had was always there . I went 22 years living in the world . But God never forgot me . The feeling was always there . I just did not do anything about it until God let me get down so far , I knew I had to do something . I started to pray for help . I knew I could not do this alone . The world had me by the hand . So my prayer was answered . That 's how I ended up at Old Union , my first church , the church God wants me to be at . I remember crying a lot for the first eight years of my life . My daddy was an alcoholic : he made whiskey , he sold it , and of course , he drank it . His sisters and mother would talk to him about getting saved and tell him the Lord could take the desire of whiskey away . He finally consented to attend a cottage prayer meeting at my uncle 's house . When the altar call was given , he knelt beside a chair on the porch to pray . I had heard enough to know that there was a better way of life without the whiskey . While he was praying , I asked Mama if she needed to go pray . She said no , that she had taken care of that a long time ago . I told her that I wanted to go with Daddy . I prayed and thought I got saved . The woman who was praying with me asked if I was saved and I said yes . Things were a lot better after Daddy got saved . We went to church regularly , and it was so good to see him come home sober . I read my Bible every day and prayed , but after a couple of years I began to know that something was not right . I did not feel that I could still pray . The more condemnation I felt the more I read the Bible . I told God that I would always live a Christian life , but I 'd wait until I was told to get saved . I thought it was impossible to turn everything over to the Lord . I had too much pride . When I was thirteen , the burden just grew heavier and heavier . An uncle who was working in a field was dragged to death by a team of mules . At the grave site I stood and watched them throw dirt on his coffin . Our revival was soon after that . I made it through the revival without going to the altar , but the last night of the revival really frightened me . I thought the people would stop praying for the lost . The next week was so rough . Every time I felt the conviction , I would read the Bible . I know I was still trying to bargain with God . On September 29 , 1952 , the weather was warm and I went to bed covered with a sheet , but sometime in the night I woke up cold , and got up to throw a quilt over my bed . As I spread the quilt over the bed , in my mind I saw the red dirt thrown over my uncle 's grave , and the thought hit me that , had that been me , I would be in Hell at that moment . Again I tried to find my Bible , but could not locate it . Something had to be done . The preacher had made the statement that if anyone needed him , day or night , to come to his house . I went in to my parents ' bedroom and told them , " I 'm lost . I need to go see our preacher . " I don 't remember them saying a word , but they got out of bed immediately and took me to the pastor 's house . We went into the dining room and knelt . We prayed for hours , it seemed . I remember it was beginning to get daylight , and when the preacher asked me if I meant business , I knew I could not leave there lost . I knew in my heart that this was my only chance . When I prayed again , the Lord saved me . I don 't know how or why , but I felt that sweet peace come into my heart . I knew that everything was taken care of for eternity . I quit crying and stood up , wanting a drink of water . They were still talking and rejoicing , but I don 't remember saying another word . I felt so clean and content . Later , I remembered the woman at the well . I don 't remember what that water tasted like when I went to the sink to appease my thirst , but the water I got on my knees has flowed peacefully ever since He saved me . I was born in Scaly , North Carolina , on February 15 , 1937 . Four brothers , one sister , and I were privileged to be among a good number of people in that community , to be raised by parents who were Christians every day . My father was a deacon of Scaly Missionary Baptist Church . My earliest memories of church were those when he would put me on his shoulders and carry me through the mountain roads to church . There were only two trucks in the whole community , but the members would walk to church . I saw things in those days that came to my memory in later years , when I was under conviction . I have seen people standing on the outside of the church before it was time for service , waiting for the others to come . And as the people would arrive , you would see tears flowing down the cheeks , of brothers and sisters as they greeted each other . They would always hug each other , and then go inside for service . I saw people so happy in the Lord that they would shout , as tears of joy would roll down their faces . All that didn 't bother me , until they were having revival when I was about eight and a half or nine years old . Back then , no one had ever heard of electricity , so there was no air conditioning and no electric lights . Lamps were set on little shelves around the wall for light . So they had sent two other boys and me to the spring to get water for the preachers . We had been playing as boys of that age would do . My best memory is this : the boys were still roughing around with each other , as I went out the trail next to the main road to fill the jar with water for the preachers . Suddenly , an awful feeling gripped my heart . I realized I was a lost sinner . It seemed my heart was pounding up in my head . There was no way I could go back to that church . For the first time in my life that church was a frightful place . My thought was that every one up there would know that I was lost , and I just couldn 't face that . When service was over , I met the preachers ( Brothers Eldon Owens and Radford Wilson ) at the door and apologized as I handed them the jug of water . I told them the reason I hadn 't returned sooner was that I had gotten sick . I had , but it was a different kind of sickness than I had led them to believe . To make a long story short , that incident started about ten years of running from the trouble that was so active in my heart . During those ten years , I was so mean that I suppose the Devil was ashamed of me . I think everybody had given up on me ever being saved , except my parents . They would ask prayer for me at church and at cottage prayer meetings they had back in those days . It was on a Sunday night , January 29 , 1956 , at Stonepile Baptist Church in Clarkesville , Georgia , that the load of sin that had so burdened my soul was washed down the mountain of Calvary into the Sea of Forgetfulness . I was on my knees with tears falling to the floor ; my heart was breaking . The preacher had preached to me that night , that " he that cometh to me , I will in no wise cast out . " But I couldn 't understand how he could have meant that for such a vile , wicked , wretch as I was . Finally , the Spirit of the Lord helped me to trust him with all my heart , and when that burden was lifted , I could not then , nor can I now , describe what I felt in my heart . It did take me about thirty minutes to fully understand what had happened to me . When I went home that night , I slept like a baby . No worry about going to sleep , as I had had for so long , because I knew where I would go . When I woke up the next morning , everything looked so clean . I felt so clean with this indescribable peace in my heart . It looked like someone had scrubbed the whole world . It never looked so beautiful before . I now knew that what I had witnessed in my youth at that Old Time Baptist Church was real ! It all started when I was about ten years old . The day before it all started was just an ordinary day . I just did what a kid at this age usually does . I went to bed the night before , and didn 't have a care in the world . I woke up the next morning , and I felt God 's presence , I really felt God in my heart in a strong way . I knew about God and had heard about God because my parents and grandparents always talked about him , and prayed to him . On this morning when I woke up , I felt God for the first time , and from this day forward I knew God was real , because I had personally felt him in my heart . I knew for the first time that I did not have God , and if I died I would go to HELL . I was under conviction . As the day went on I couldn 't eat , and I couldn 't sleep that night . I knew this sick feeling could only come from God , and I couldn 't stop it , and I am so thankful that it didn 't go away until God saved me . I told my Momma that morning that I was lost , and she asked me if I was just scared , and I told her I knew I was lost . My Momma told me to pray , and beg God to save me , and she started to cry . I went to our old shed , and prayed , I begged God to save me , and I prayed at my bed at night , and I prayed when I was alone , because I didn 't want people to see me pray . My preacher asked me if I wanted to come to the altar and pray , and I said no , I will pray at home . I decided that I would pray at my bed at night , and I would get saved on my bed , this was my plan . God wanted me to go to the altar , on the front bench . I did not want to pray in front of people , but I wanted to be saved , I wanted this feeling to go away . God wanted me to go to the altar , and God wanted me to be willing to give up everything and anything that stood in my way , but I didn 't want it bad enough to pray at the altar . I didn 't get saved that year , because I wasn 't willing to give up what stood in my way . I knew that God wanted to and would save me if I would go to the altar and pray , God was waiting for me . Years later , when I was sixteen , it was in July , there was a revival at Old Temple Hill this is where my family went to church . I was not allowed to miss church , no matter what . This night the night that would change my life forever was a night I didn 't want to go to church , I was tired and bored . I went to church that night and thought I would read the words in the song book to pass the time , I hoped the preacher would not preach long , and it would be a short service . That night the preacher which was Brother William Howard preached about the end of time , he said that when God comes back and if we are not ready that we would be left , and we would burn in HELL for eternity , and we would beg for a little drop of water but we wouldn 't get it . Brother Howard read from the Bible , about one being taken from the roof and the other left , and one being taken from the bed and the other left . I was so scared , and for the first time in my life I heard the gospel with my heart and not my ears . I had been to church all my life , and heard preachers preach , but this was the first time I heard the message with my heart . God opened my heart , and I am so thankful . I was scared , and I understood that if God came back right then that I would not go to Heaven with my Daddy and Momma , I would be left . The preacher gave an invitation to go to the altar and pray , and I was so scared that I wanted to go really bad , so I said if somebody comes and ask me to go pray I am going , and people were asking others to go up and pray , so I wanted somebody to come and ask me . After I waited only a few minutes and nobody came , I got up and went . Remember this was what was standing in my way of God saving my soul . I got down on my knees and prayed to God . I said " God I am here , and I did what you wanted me to do , so please save me . " I knew that God would save me because I went to the altar like he wanted , I had faith . At the end of the service I wasn 't saved , so I left the altar , and went to the car , my brother 's car , I got in the back seat and put my head down on the seat and I said to God " I did what you wanted , I went to the altar , so why didn 't you save me ? " As soon as these words came out of my mouth , God saved me . At that very moment God gave me a new heart , my life was changed forever , and everything about me changed . My every thought and purpose for being put on this Earth was changed forever . I didn 't see a light , and I didn 't shout , and I didn 't do what other people did when God saved them . God gave me knowledge I didn 't ever have before , I knew that God saved me , I could not get this knowledge by myself , God had to give it to me . I am thankful beyond words , I can 't find the words to say how thankful to God I am , but God knows . When I have a bad day , and when everything is wrong in my life , God is and always will be the good and perfect in my life . I am thankful that I will spend eternity with God , my eternal life is safe and secure because God gave me this new heart . God gave me this eternal gift , and nothing can take it from me , and it is forever . God gave his only son so I could live forever . I am thankful that God forgives me when I let him down , and I fail God so many times but God forgives me , he loves me more than anybody loves me . Thank you God for saving my soul . Thank you God for eternal life . Thank you God for loving me so much that you gave your only son . Please follow God , and do whatever he leads you to do . I really feel like the night I went to the altar that somebody was being led to come to me and invite me to the altar , and didn 't do it . It is so important to follow God , because you don 't know who it will effect . God has a reason for everything he asks us to do . Just listen to God , and follow him , and he will take care of the rest . I 'm not really sure how long I had been lost , but I do remember the first time I felt seriously heavy conviction from God . In 1996 , there was a revival going on at Faith Missionary Baptist Church in Bowling Green , Kentucky . Our former pastor , Brother Jimmy Hogue , was helping our new pastor , Brother Kenny Hesson , in this meeting . During Brother Hougue 's sermon on the first night , I realized that I was lost and that I would go to Hell if I died right then . But I was scared to go to the altar . During the invitation hymn , though , my dad came and asked me if I was lost . I told him yes , and he got me to go up to the mourner 's bench . I didn 't get saved that night , though . I came back every night that week and almost every Sunday for the next couple of years . But every time that I started praying , Satan just seemed to distract me with something . On February of 1998 , though , something happened . My parents came to my room early one morning and woke me up . They told me that Brother Hesson 's son Scott , one of my best friends , had been killed in a car wreck . Nobody knew if he was lost or saved . That changed my life drastically . For the next two months , I was under such deep conviction that couldn 't eat , sleep , or do anything . Even learning that Scott had told one of his friends that he had been saved didn 't easy my pain . That was because my pain was one that God was placing on me . I continued to pray and pray , but just couldn 't get to the point at which I needed to be for God to save me . By this time , Brother Hesson had left the church and we were searching for a new pastor . There was one preacher , Brother William House , who had preached there a few times . Every time , I felt he was talking directly to me . The week before Easter in 1998 , Brother House had been called as our pastor , and two of my friends at church , Heather and Casey , were saved . On Easter Sunday , Brother House accepted the calling as our pastor . Heather and Casey also joined the church that day . People there were so happy . But God wasn 't done with Faith that day . I went up to the altar and prayed like I never had before . Sometime during my prayer - I 'm not sure exactly when - God saved me by his wonderful grace through His Son , Jesus Christ . I didn 't shout like some people have . I just knew that the burden was gone and that if I died then , I 'd go to Heaven . There was just a wonderful peace . It took me a few minutes to realize what happened I kept repeating " Was that it ? " God let me know that peace was all I needed . That is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me I stood up and joined Faith Missionary Baptist Church that morning . I was baptized the next Sunday . In July of 2003 , God let me know that I needed to join Old Union . I was very resistant . I did not want to leave the church in which I grew up and all the familiar faces , including my parents . Over the next couple months I got far away from God because of this . Over Labor Day weekend , the student group from Western Kentucky University went to Gatlinburg . Again , God let me know that I needed to join Old Union . When we returned to Bowling Green , I told my parents , and told the people at Faith the next Sunday . That was one of the hardest things I have had to do , but God gave me the strength . A week later , Brother Skinner announced that the doors of the church were open for members . I had never even said anything to him about joining , but God works on both sides . Keith Rafferty ( who had also gone to Gatlinburg ) and I both joined Old Union that morning . I thank God for all He 's done for me . I don 't deserve any of it . I was saved sometime in the first part of July of ' 99 . I don 't have an exact date , but I know it happened , and that 's all that matters . I was in my room getting ready to go to bed and all of the sudden I had a burden . There was nothing I could do but pray , so I lay down in my bed and did just that . I probably wasn 't even praying for five minutes when the burden lifted . I didn 't shout , I didn 't run and tell Mama and Daddy , but there was nothing left to pray for , and nothing left to cry about . At first , I didn 't even think I 'd gotten saved . About a week or so later , our summer revival started . Of course , I went up to pray every night , but for some reason , I couldn 't get convicted and I couldn 't pray . On July 22 , 1999 , after I had gotten up off the altar , Brother Paul Bryson ( who was helping in our revival that year ) and I had a talk . He asked me if there had been anything that happened that made me think I might have gotten saved , and I told him what happened that night . He went on to tell me his experience , and some other ones that he had heard . A while after we got done talking , he asked if I thought another prayer would help me . I thought it would , so we had another prayer . It wasn 't a long prayer at all , but in the short time , I got myself straightened out . I came up off that altar nodding my head and smiling . There was just a handful of people there , but we had a good time just the same . God has been so good to me and I have no idea why , but I sure am glad He was . When I was about thirteen years old , the church where I had always attended ( Sulphur Springs Missionary Baptist ) was having revival . During the preaching service , on a Friday night , I was trying to show my inattention by playing tic - tac - toe with my buddy . I was hearing the preacher - and just as the preacher asked , " If you died tonight , would you spend eternity in a burning hell ? " I glanced up and just knew he was talking to me . I felt like I could " upchuck " and asked myself , " How 'd he know ? " Maybe he was talking to someone else - I went back to the tic - tac - toe and made it through the rest of the service . But I still had a terrible feeling that seemed better the next day , when I was convinced - no one knew but me . That Sunday morning , I came into the church and a young Sunday School teacher that I thought " hung the moon " came toward me as he usually did , with his usual smile and warm handshake . But this time he put his arm around my shoulder and said , " I 'm still praying for you . " I felt sick again - I 'll just keep hiding it . That week , nothing seemed to help . On Friday of that week , I got to the point that I just couldn 't stand it anymore - I had to do something . I went out the back door of my grandparents ' home and headed for an old outbuilding . Before my knees hit the floor - God saved me ! I have attended Old Union Missionary Baptist Church most of my life . When I was a young child ( twelve years old ) , during our summer revival , I realized one night I was lost and needed to be saved . I went to the altar several times , but left each time still lost . I remember that it was a miserable time in my life , knowing that I was lost and away from God , and that I would surely go to Hell if I died . We still had afternoon and evening services at that time , and on the second Thursday of the revival , I still was not saved . We were at the home of my aunt and uncle ( Oscar and Marie Raines ) in between the day and night services . I was under heavy conviction , so bad that I did not want to play with my cousins or even be with anyone that day . As time came for us to go back to church , as I was going down that back hall in that old farmhouse , it got to the point that I told God I couldn 't go on in that way . If it took my life to make me feel better , I was ready to give it up . I only asked that He save me before I died . I felt life was not worth living the way that I was feeling . I went to the altar that night , but as I sat and tried to pray , I did not have the conviction or burden that I had felt before . I remember thinking , " Is this how it feels to be saved ? " I didn 't feel lost any more , but I had not " seen a light " or " shouted " or " felt like floating away " as I had heard others tell . I just felt at peace . The next night I joined the church and was baptized at the end of the revival . It troubled me that I had not had an experience like I had heard others give . I even later doubted my salvation to some extent , but I knew I still had that peace and was not afraid to die if anything happened to me . Years later , after I was grown and married and had small children , I was ironing one day with my children playing near me . Maybe it was revival time again , I don 't remember , but my salvation was heavy on my heart . I asked God to show me a time and a place . He took me back to that Thursday afternoon in the back hall of that old farmhouse . I remembered how miserable I was then . He showed me that was my " time and place . " It happened just that quickly . That peace was all I needed . I didn 't need to shout or see a light or anything else . That was all I was going to get , but that was all I needed to take me to Heaven . All these years later I have never doubted again , and I thank God for showing me what I needed to know to have that assurance . When I was about ten years old , I became convicted , and I knew right then that I was without the Lord . I felt so alone . This happened during the summer revival of 1995 . I went to the altar every night and prayed . Even though I was praying , I didn 't have my full love and devotion to my Savior in my prayers . One night , in the year of 1996 , I pretty much convinced myself that I was saved . The next day , which was a Sunday , I joined the church . Later , I was baptized . I went for three more years without telling the church , or my family , about my real condition . I had all but blocked it completely out of my mind . I tried to fool myself into thinking I was saved , but I couldn 't , and I definitely couldn 't fool the Lord . I tried to keep it a secret for about a week , hoping that after I got saved it wouldn 't matter whether I told them or not . I mean , they already thought I was saved ; why make them worry ? I couldn 't keep it a secret for long . I had this incredible burden , I guess it was around March 10th or 15th , one night , and I just couldn 't keep it a secret any longer . It was just too much . I called Mom into my room , and told her everything . She wasn 't upset that I had kept a secret from her , or disappointed about me being mistaken , but instead , she prayed with me . I prayed constantly through that entire month . At times I was afraid to go to sleep , because I wasn 't sure that I was going to wake up when morning came . I would wake up in the night , because my burden was so strong . I felt this incredible feeling of emptiness all the time . I was saved that night ! When I was saved , this overwhelming peace came over me . I couldn 't pray for myself any longer . When I looked up , I felt as if I was on air . The tremendous feeling of happiness I had , it was something I will never forget . If you are lost and reading or hearing my story of salvation , please pray to the Lord . Don 't put it off , and don 't try to forget about it . You have to pray , and mean what you 're praying . The Lord is not listening for how well you can talk , but how badly you want to be saved , and how much you love him . Salvation is the greatest gift anyone could ever receive . It 's free to whoever wants it , and has ultimate belief and faith in the Lord . I cannot tell anyone how to be saved , I can only tell you how wonderful it is . I thank the Lord every day for saving my soul , and I pray that , if you are lost , someday you can thank the Lord as well . In 1968 , when I was seven years old , I was sitting in my parents ' living room listening to gospel quartet music , playing paper dolls in the floor while my mom rested on the couch . This was when I realized I was lost . This was in the late spring before our summer revival at Old Union . I told my mother , and we called Brother Vanderpool and went to his home to talk and have prayer . When the revival came in July , we attended all services . This was when the church still had afternoon services . I wasn 't saved that year . My parents carried me to revival services all around and I faithfully went to the altar and prayed as hard and sincerely as I thought I could . School began in the fall , and this was when we were still allowed to have prayer and read the Bible in school . Sitting in class and listening to those Bible stories were some of the hardest days of my young life . I would be under conviction and try to pray at school . Time passed and I still wasn 't saved . On the first Wednesday of that summer revival , I went to the altar that afternoon , and the Lord was dealing with me . It was then that I was able to give my all to the Lord and be saved . I didn 't know , for sure , but I left the altar that day feeling different . I came back to church that night and after Brother Levie Smith 's sermon , I went to the altar , but I couldn 't pray , because I had no burden to pray for . I looked up and both my mom and dad were standing by me , and it was then I told them the Lord had saved me that afternoon . There have been many times since then that I have not been the Christian I should have been and have not done the things the Lord has asked of me . There have been many times the Lord has dealt with my lack of obedience to Him . But no matter how troubled or dry I became , when I prayed to the Lord and asked for His help and forgiveness , He would give it . It was always me that had moved and not Him . I sought the Lord to be saved for several years . One night during summer revival I was babysitting a child for a friend of mine . After putting the little girl to bed , I went into their family room and started praying to be saved . I wanted to be saved more than anything in the world . I told the Lord I did not know what else to do . At that time , I put everything into His hands and a peace came over me . I remember clearly raising up off of the couch and wandering around the house . I did not realize what had happened . I had been lost for so long , and I thought it would be much harder than that to be saved . The next night I went to church and went to the altar like always . That night was much different . I could not pray for myself . I did not have a burden any more . On the way home , my grandmother asked me if something was wrong . I told her that I was not lost any more . I told her about my experience the night before . She rejoiced in the car and we went back to church that night to tell everyone . I have had a peace in my soul since that time and I thank the dear Lord for my salvation . When I was twelve years old I felt I had been saved , but at the age of thirty - five , I began to have doubts . After several months of praying , I realized my lost condition . I prayed often to the Lord to let me know what I needed to do in order to be saved . One Sunday morning in Sunday school , the Lord told me through a paper which was passed around that there was nothing I myself could do . What I needed to do was trust and believe that Jesus could and would deliver my soul . Armed with this realization , I immediately began to pray again . This time I felt an inner peace that I hadn 't felt before . I am thankful for having been taken to church as a child and having a chance to hear the true word of God . I was attending revival at a church in Adair County , Kentucky , when I came under conviction and realized I was lost . Price 's Creek Missionary Baptist Church is a small church where not only does everyone know each other , but almost everyone is related . No one else was on the altar at the time , and I hadn 't given it much thought . The church was singing a song , and the words of the song stirred my heart and initiated my thoughts of being lost . As everyone sang , one of my uncles came to me and asked if something was bothering me . At that point , I broke down in tears . I didn 't know what else to do . It frightened me , once I realized I was lost . I was scared that I might go home that night and die in my sleep and never be saved . However , this fear alone would not lead me to salvation . The next two or three days were rough and stressful . I would go to the altar and pray out loud , cry out loud , and pray quietly . Nothing seemed to be working . I told the Lord that I would be good from then on . I told Him that I would do whatever He wanted me to : still nothing . I went to others for advice and all anyone could tell me was that it was something I would have to work out with God . That proved to be a difficult task for a nine - year - old boy . On a Thursday night , later that week , I found my answer . Up to that point , prayer had proved to be only a source of frustration . I had been praying and praying until I felt I was all prayed out . I finally realized that it was all going to be God 's doing , and begged Him to help me . I gave up on trying to figure it out and save myself . At that time , the Lord blessed me with salvation . I was flooded with happiness and a peace in my heart . I stood up from praying , tears in my eyes . I turned to face the pulpit , and my grandmother put her arm around me and asked how I felt . " Good , " I said . My grandmother shouted with joy , as did others . It was a very special and sacred event that I will treasure always . This day was the first day I had ever felt the Lord wanting me to bow down and really pray . This feeling came to me as I was getting ready for a youth meeting that Sunday afternoon . Earlier that day , I had been asking my mom a lot of questions about salvation . All she could say was : " You 'll know . " And I did know . I got saved the same day I felt the conviction , because as soon as I felt it , I got down in my foyer and cried out to God , asking Him to forgive me and save me . It didn 't seem long at all before I felt better . And today I can still remember the first phrase I said as I stood to my feet . " Now I know somebody loves me . " I felt so much peace and love and still to this day can remember it . I got baptized into Old Union Church on March 31 , 1991 , on Easter morning , and I am still a church member there . For years , my parents took me to revival . They would sit there patiently , waiting to see if I showed any interest . We would always discuss how revival was going and those who were seeking the Lord . My parents knew how to get their point across without forcing the issue . So for several years I sat and listened , hearing the words but not truly understanding their meaning . One summer revival night Brother Paul Bryson was preaching . I was sitting in the middle of my parents in the back right comer of the church . I felt safe there , in the back comer , between my parents , where no one could see me . I do not remember the words that were preached that night but I knew what they meant . I knew I was a sinner . No matter how good or bad I thought I was there are only two types : saved and unsaved . I realized in the eyes of the Lord I was a sinner and that was as bad as it gets . As I sat there it was like a cool breeze came through and there was nothing inside of me . I was hollow . It was at that moment I knew I was different from my parents and every other saved person . I was going to Hell . I could hardly wait for altar call . I wanted to pray . Brother Bryson had preached that it didn 't matter where you prayed . So I decided to pray at my seat so no one could see me for who I really was . I prayed unlike I have never prayed before . From that moment on I do not know what was said or spoken . My entire dialogue was between the Lord and me . As the night went on I prayed more intensely , until I got to the place where I honestly gave the Lord everything and He responded by giving me His grace . Something was different , but I didn 't know what it was . I knew I felt safe with the Lord by my side . As we rose to dismiss , I wasn 't clear what had happened . Could this be it , or was I mistaken ? I kept to myself on the way home , praying to God , " Just let me get home . " I went straight to bed and began to pray . I promised the Lord I would not sleep until I knew for sure . I prayed and prayed , but I had no more conviction . The Lord answered my prayers and laid me to rest for my best night 's sleep . I waited a full season to tell anyone of my story . I wondered , " How could they believe me ? How could I have kept such a wonderful thing to myself ? " The next revival Mrs . Board came back to see me . She asked , " Are you lost ? " I told her I was fine , but that night I decided , I couldn 't keep this to myself ; I have to tell somebody . The next day I told my parents , and joined the church . I was saved on March 4 , 1984 . A few months before this day , a lady came up to me and asked me if I was lost . At that moment , I knew I was . I cannot remember the lady 's name , but she was a member of our church at the time . I told her that I wasn 't with tears running down my face , and trembling all over . After this day , nobody came to talk with me for awhile . I could not eat or sleep sometimes , and I would try to talk myself out of thinking I was lost . There would be times that I would be thinking about it and I could imagine how horrible Hell would be . I could imagine all of the crying , screaming , and burning . I could imagine how long eternity was . Then on Sunday , March 4 , 1984 , Brother Bryson had an altar call . I was sitting in between my parents . My dad , Dewey Glasscock , leaned over and asked me if I wanted to go to the altar . I shook my head no . And then , five seconds later , I pushed him out of the way and went up to the altar . I barely made it up there . I knelt down on the very end of the altar bench . I was crying , my heart was extremely heavy , I had a huge lump in my throat , and I was scared . I begged the Lord to save my soul . I kept saying how sorry I was for all of my sins , that I wanted to be saved more than anything else in the world , that I would give everything up to him , and that I wanted to live my life for God . I kept saying these things in my head and heart over and over . When I had reached down in my soul and truly given up everything in my heart , when I had truly given my heart to the Lord , He saved my soul . Just in an instant . The burden in my heart was lifted . It was like I could feel it lifting off of my heart and going up in the air . The lump in my throat was gone . I wasn 't crying any more . I felt peace and relief . I had made a promise when I got to the altar that I was not going to get off of the altar until I was saved . I was so determined . Well , the Devil started talking to me right then . He tried to tell me that I was not saved , that what I felt was not salvation . So , I started praying again , but I had no burden , I was not crying , and I just thought back to the instant God saved my soul , and I knew I was saved . The congregation was praying , so I got up and sat on the altar until they finished praying . My mom , Carolyn Glasscock , was right beside me . She asked me how I felt , and I whispered , " I think , NO , I know I am saved . " Well , others heard me say this and everyone quit praying and started rejoicing by hugging me and crying tears of happiness with me . There were other lost souls there , and Amy Beth Thornton in the back of the church was saved just a few minutes later . I was able to rejoice with her . I have tried to imagine eternity in Heaven since my salvation , and I cannot do it . I guess since I know I am saved , that I will be going to that place eventually , and that it is home , I have no worries . Since the day God saved my soul , when I would have had doubts , all I would have to do is think back to March 4th , and remember the feeling I had the instant God saved my soul . I have had many burdens for lost souls , and I am so thankful that I can tell my salvation experience to them . I hope that it will help them in some way . I was saved when I was thirteen years old . I had been attending a summer revival at Old Union Church . My mother had been praying for me and had been questioning me for several months , but I would always tell her that I wasn 't lost , and I would avoid being alone with her , because I knew she would always ask me about my soul , and that would make me very uncomfortable . One afternoon in my bedroom , I was under conviction so much that I wanted peace in my heart . I prayed and prayed for my soul and all at once , all of the burden was gone . The peace and joy in my heart is indescribable along with all of the love for everyone . I went to my mother instantly to tell her ( just the one I avoided when I was lost ) . My dad was hoeing tobacco and I went running into the field to tell him . I know that he knew what I was coming for . I could just see it in his eyes , because he had been praying for me all along , too . The Lord has been good to me and has always been there for me . I was saved when I was thirteen years old in the fall of the year . I was saved at home on a Saturday . I had been under conviction for at least a year , and tried to avoid going to church . My mother , bless her soul , made sure we went to Sunday school and church every Sunday . I remember we would go for months without ever missing . The uncomfortable and scary feelings stopped when I was saved . I feel God has been in my life ever since , especially in my work and family . I would like to start off by thanking the Lord for salvation and all the wonderful blessings that he has given me . He has been so wonderful to me , even though I do not deserve any of it . I am thankful that I have a loving , kind , gentle , caring and forgiving God that is always with me . I was saved as a young teenage girl between sixth and seventh grade one night at home in my bed . I remember being troubled in my heart , and there between the Lord and me , I prayed and worked things out . I don 't have a date , but I remember very well what took place in my heart that night . The peace that has always been with me knowing for sure that I have a home in Heaven some happy day ! Once again , I can never repay the Lord for all he has done for me . I am so thankful for all the blessings . If I could say anything to help someone , I would tell them to look to the Lord for all answers . He will never lead you wrong . Follow him at all cost . Sometimes , I have not followed God and have been not as close to the Lord as I wanted to be , but that is my fault . I was the one who moved , God was always right there and always will be ! I was only seven years old and my family was attending El Bethel Missionary Baptist Church in Franklin , Kentucky . My brother Joe had submitted to God 's call and made his way to the altar to seek his salvation . That caused me to think about myself and I realized that if I should die , my soul would be in Hell . Because of my young age , no one approached me about my condition , but I feel that if I had only asked for His forgiveness and mercy that first night , He would have saved me . Like many young sinners I began to fear God and His word disturbed me and I was very uncomfortable . We started attending Drakes Creek Church , but God was still there and He still called to me through his knock on the door of my very soul . Drakes Creek still had day and night services , and my mother saw to it that we attended most . The Devil was with me every day that I was away from God , telling me anything that might help me get through a spiritual service when I might have been saved . And it worked , for I ran from God for six years . We began to attend Old Union Church where my family moved their membership . Once again , God knocked at the door of my soul , and Christian people pleaded with me to seek God . I was so scared to make the move toward God . My mother talked to me one night about eternity on the way home from spring revival service . That talk really troubled my soul . I began to think about the length of time that eternity stood for . As I lay in bed I thought over and over about being separated from my family and God . My troubled soul was in so much pain and sorrow . It felt as if I was on stormy seas . I began to quietly talk to God , and I would hear the Devil say , forget about it and go to sleep . As I prayed more and more , begging God to save my soul , I reached a place where I no longer could hear the Devil 's tricks . I lost track of time . I only wanted one thing - salvation . Suddenly the stormy seas of my soul laid down as God 's saving power calmed the waters . I lay there in my bed with the sweet peace of God 's mercy . Maybe a half hour passed before I went into my mother 's bedroom to tell her what had just happened . We rejoiced together that night about one o ' clock . It all began for me in summer revival in 1990 when Brother Don Curtis was helping out Brother Reynolds in the effort . I was sitting where I usually was sat , with my cousin Daniel , sitting beside my grandmother , Martha Crafton . We had a coloring book that was the kind where you would color the blank space and a picture would come up . It was well into the service , Daniel had been coloring and then it became my turn . We had been doing this for a while and were almost done with the book . I remember the feeling of not being able to wait until my time came when I could take my turn . However , I never got that turn . After Daniel finished taking his turn , he turned to me and said , " Your turn " . However , my attention was turned elsewhere . Out of the blue , a seven - year - old boy became convicted of his sins . I remember sitting there and Brother Curtis was talking about how God calls you and lets you know when you 're convicted . He was comparing the sheep in his field , keeping a watch over his flock . Right then I imagined God calling my name : " Weston , come home " . Suddenly , the preacher went on talking about Hell and talking about how the Devil would be there with you , pushing you off into eternity . Again , my little seven - year - old mind went off . I began to think about a large swimming pool , in a dungeon , with me and the Devil . I could imagine the Devil pushing me off in total fire and torment . In the meantime , Daniel was still saying , " Your turn . . . your turn . . . . " Finally , I said , " No , you can have my turn " . He couldn 't believe it . I sat there the rest of the service with my eyes glued to Brother Curtis . I knew that I was lost . I knew that if I died right then , I would wake up in Hell . It was a horrible feeling ; however , that night I didn 't go up to the altar . Time passed - on . In fact , I didn 't go up to the altar for the rest of that revival service . For the next many months , I ran . I don 't know why ; however , I just thought the feeling would go away . It didn 't . One night I was in the bathtub , and I was singing the song , " Don 't Put Off Salvation Too Long . " It was a song we had always sung in revival services . Finally , I thought to myself , " Why am I ? " I got out of the tub that night and went into my mother 's bathroom . Inside the bathroom , I told Mom I was lost . She asked me if I wanted to pray about it . I said yes . For the next many hours , I was on my hands and knees begging the Lord to please save my soul . I was in the condition where I wanted it more than anything . I 've always heard that it 's better to get saved young ; that way you don 't have as many things standing in your way . I was fortunate enough to get to do that . I sometimes look back and think whether it have been as easy to give up everything that I have , now that I 'm sixteen years old . Thank God for what he did for me . However , I didn 't get saved that easily . Hours later , I still had that awful feeling inside my soul . Finally , I got up and decided to rest for a while . I don 't know why I got up , exactly . By that time , my grandmother and grandfather were there . I think I just decided to put it in God 's hands . I can remember getting up and sitting on the bed with my Nana and she was saying how she would , if she could , give up her salvation and give it to me . She told me that she would do it , then at least would try to get hers back . Of course , she told me , and I knew , that that couldn 't happen . She said I would have to get it from God and only God . I walked out and continued to pray off and on throughout the night . It was a Sunday night , because I remember I had to get ready to go to school the next morning . I was sitting in the chair with my grandmother and then , all of a sudden , I don 't know what was said or what was done , but the most peaceful feeling came over me . It felt like my face was grinning from Washington State to Maine . At that moment , the awful feeling that was on me left . Then finally , I told it . I said , " Mom , Dad , Nana , Papa , I think I 've just been saved " . It was the most wonderful night ever . As I am sitting here writing this now , I am receiving a blessing and remembering what the Lord did for me when I was only seven years old . That 's been a long time ago . Now I 'm sixteen , and off and on the Devil has gotten me in dark situations . He 's tried to tell me that I 'm not saved , and that I have deceived all of these people ( at church ) into thinking that I am . That thought alone would and has kept me for a while , during the past years , from doing something . I 've tried to pray about it , and asked the Lord to show me the way . As I 'm writing this right now , the Lord has shown me that it 's true . There is just something special about that experience that I 1never will forget . I remember going to school the next morning , and while sit - ting in my second grade class still feeling that grand and glorious feeling . I remember seeing my teacher passing out papers , I was sitting in the back row , and smiling and just feeling great . From that moment on , I told everyone . I told my friends , my family at church , my pastor , Brother Reynolds . I later joined the church , and became baptized . From then to now , I have been serving the Lord . Even though it 's hard during this day and time being a young person with all the negative influences , I will continue to try and serve the Lord . For what He did for me , I can 't ever repay Him . But I am thankful that He would do that for me . I went to a revival in October of 1942 . I was convicted and felt awful . I didn 't get saved during the revival . I would go to bed at night and have trouble going to sleep . There were times when I would be with other people and someone would say to me when I was quiet , " What is the matter with you ? " But my mind wasn 't on anything they were talking about . I went on until March 28 , 1943 , and that Sunday night at home my sister was playing our old pump organ and singing the song " Since Jesus Came into My Heart " . I was thinking of the revival and what the preacher had said and as my sisters were singing the last verse of the song it said , " And I 'm happy , so happy , as onward I go " ; that 's when I got saved , about 6 : 30 that Sunday night . They said I hollered . Mom came in there . I felt like I could flyaway and I wasn 't afraid any more . I just wanted to tell everyone how I felt . I 'm so very thankful that God kept troubling me until I was able to just turn everything over to Him and trust Him with all my heart . I 'm so very thankful for my parents that taught me the old - time way . It was on a Tuesday night , July 13 , 1948 . We had gone to a revival at a revival in Hadley , Kentucky . It wasn 't in a church . It was in a place called a tabernacle , but the preacher was preaching the truth and , looking straight at me all the time , it seemed . I was feeling awful , and when the altar call was given , my father - in - law came to me . I went to the altar and was saved before the service was over . The burden was gone and I felt so happy . I had been going to Old Union Missionary Baptist Church on third Sundays , but I never joined until 1951 . I was baptized by Brother William Overton . During our summer revival in 1969 , an altar call was given ; I stood up to sing the initiation hymn with the congregation . I looked up and Ms . Margaret Board ( a devout Christian lady ) came around to the side of the church we were sitting on . Ms . Margaret headed back our way . At that moment I knew that she was headed for me . Ms . Margaret didn 't get all the way back to where I was sitting to say anything to me ; I passed her coming down the aisle . I was on the altar that night but I did not make peace with the Lord . Our spring revival rolled around ; it started in the middle of the week . That year it started on Wednesday , April 1 , 1970 . The altar call was given ; I went to the altar . My mom was right by my side praying with me . Somewhere during that service I looked up and told my mom that I didn 't hurt any more . The Lord saved my soul that night . I joined Old Union and became a candidate for baptism . Elder H . C . Vanderpool baptized me into the fellowship of Old Union Missionary Baptist Church on May 24 , 1970 . After lunch , Jewell and my daddy ( H . E . Russell ) went to the barn . I was in the house , churning and praying . Then the Lord heard and saved me . I shouted so loud that the men thought I had caught on fire . They started running to the house . Jewell was in the lead and jumped the fence . When he got to the porch he saw and knew what had happened to me and leaned against the door , laughing ! He was the first person I saw after being saved - I 'll never forget his face . Thank the Lord for salvation ! I got saved at Plano Baptist Church when I was 18 years old in the October revival in 1942 . I walked to church about two miles every Sunday morning to Sunday school and also to the revival every night . Years later , I moved my membership to Old Union Church . Almost fifteen years ago , I went to the summer revival at Old Union , where I realized I was lost , and soon afterward I got under conviction . The first week of revival , I just sat there night after night . Brother Paul Bryson was the pastor , and Brother Neal Forshee was the helper then . Many people came and talked to me , but I wasn 't ready , especially not to go to the altar . I couldn 't eat , sleep , and I just didn 't want to be around anyone . I just wanted relief from my sins . I tried to bargain with God that I would keep going to church , but not this church . I didn 't like feeling condemned . I didn 't go much at all the second week of revival . Instead , I tried to escape the feelings of hopelessness and despair I was feeling . But I couldn 't , thank God . I went back the last night of the revival , desperate for some peace . I was in such a shape that as soon as they had an altar call , I ran up there as fast as I could . I stayed there a long time that night . I thought for sure I would get saved , because I went to the altar ( which I fought back from going ) . I thought I had to go to the altar before I ever would get saved . That Sunday morning I was so upset that the revival was over and I didn 't get saved . I remember looking out the window with such sadness while Brother Bryson preached . I didn 't really know what was preached . By the time service was over , the Devil was really on to me , saying that these people were trying to brainwash me and they really didn 't care about my soul or me . As service was over and the people went out , I finally saw with m ~ heart that they did care , and they did have a burden for me . I remember Bev Wells and Steve Wheeler going by and saying something to me . It was soon after that the Lord came down and put peace in my soul . I wanted to tell everyone right then , but the Devil jumped right in and started to try to convince me that wasn 't it , and I shouldn 't say anything , because some of my family were with me , and I would embarrass them . So I didn 't say anything for nearly two weeks , but I knew God was with me . He spoke to my heart and I knew there was something different about the way I felt . It was at Faith Missionary Baptist summer revival , I was so down because I hadn 't told anyone . I thought if I went back to the altar , God would save me again or help me get rid of my confusion . And the second night , He did . I finally told a few at the church about the time and place that bore on my heart . And as soon as I put the Devil behind me , I could finally rejoice for the peace I knew I had received that Sunday morning at Old Union . I thank God I never doubted it again . I testified to the church about my salvation , joined the church , and got baptized soon after . |
Yesterday we went to my grandmas house . At first I stayed outside with Bella , petting the kittens there . When I went inside , Ryan was putting something inside a box . I thought it was another kitten that was abandoned , but it turned out to be a small bunny ! Grandma had found it outside , because the cats had gotten it . We let it go , but it was still really cute . Bella has been fasinated with one of the wheels on the computer chair . She was scratching at the floor , and biting the wheel . I have mixed feelings about school . I cant wait for it because I was homeschooled for a year and want to know what I missed and all that , but then I dont want it to start because I dont want summer to be over . I am trying to enjoy summer , but I keep thinking of school . I wrote down what I wanted to do before school starts , but it was so I could use my binder and paper . I dont know . Current Mood : confused I have a pimple in my ear . O . o Part of last night I slept on the couch . It was because I was woken up by a mouse . It sounded like it was scratching at something in this one corner by my door . It would not shut up , even when I threw my shoe in that direction and it hit the wall with a big thump . I tried to sleep through it , but I couldnt . So I grabbed my blanket and slept on the couch . Ugh , finally went back to my bed when someone else got up to use the bathroom . My mouse trap wasnt snapped this morning , so I am going to have to sort through that corner and see what the mouse is trying to get at . Bella is a pain . The first night she kept whining and whining , she didnt want to sleep in my room , she kept wanting to go out and play , she finally fell asleep when Mom took her into their room . Mom said she conked out almost imediatly . Bella has been sleeping in mom and dads room from then on . Bella also likes to bark , alot . And bite . And chew . Sometimes she can be alot of fun though . I sure am getting exercise with her . I dont like having Bella in my room though . First , she likes to chew on the blanket I have that is already falling apart . Second , I like having my cat in my room , and Critter just doesnt like Bella . Third , I like to be able to sleep in , not having Bella charge in with her puppy breath and dog slobber to wake me up . Fourth , like mom found out this morning , I dont have to keep my room as clean if she isnt in there to get into everything . : PHarvest is going on over here , and Mom is gone with Dad alot . I am guessing to keep him company and to help where she can , so she can learn how to do this and let him to have to work so hard . This one landlord they have , Wesly , or something like that , hangs around them alot . Dont exactly know why , but he doesnt since ' the incident ! ' ' The incident ' is what happened when dads combine wouldnt start . He needed it jumped . So , they pull up his pickup and take some jumper cables , but it still wont start . So this guy Wesely takes them and starts to touch the negative and postive ( 1 Comment | Comment on this ) Sunday , July 23rd , 20065 : 10 pm Busy day ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Okay , so we went over to my grandmas , who is doing better , and we decided to go to a fruit stand a ways away . WE go , and it is a cool place . Has alot of tourist items , and alot of fresh fruit . We got zuchinni , corn , and a watermelon . It was alot of fun , and Grandma seemed to enjoy the trip . WE went to the store before coming home , and picked up a Nickel Saver . Inside was a thing for a rottwieler puppy . Mom called the number , and asked about it , and they said they had a potential buyer , and it was a female . Mom gave our phone number , told we live on a farm , things like that . Minutes later we got a call back , and the person on the phone had talked to her husband , and they decided to let us have the puppy ! ! ! Mom and dad are gone right now to pick her up . I have all these questions , like what will her name be , how will we train her , on the bed or not ? General things like that . Cant wait till they get back ! Will try to post pictures ! : D Current Mood : bouncy Last night I had a strange dream . Okay , from what I remember , I was home , and about to go to bed . Then I realized that Ryan had left the car in Moses Lake . ? He was playing computer , mom and dad was sleeping , and Jeff was playing his game boy . ? How could the car be in Moses ? ! Anyway , then I was in Moses Lake . I got in the car , and then I was waking up . I was in the back seat , and the car was driving itself ! I remember thinking , autopilot is cool ! Then I crawled in the back to find my bed ? And fell asleep . I remember looking at the clock inside and it being eleven o ' seven . It was strange , seeing how the headlights were on , the steering wheel wasnt moving , but I remember going down past some grain bins on the way to Ephrata , and barely seeing some barns and cows in the light of the headlights . 0 . o One dream I remember I had about eight years ago . I have diffrent versions every so often . Okay , we are taking a road trip . We decide to stop to explore some cave we had seen on other trips . So , we pull over and get out to look . It is huge , and it looks like it has a big metal gate drawn up . " Stalagmites ! " Anyway , we go in and the " stalagmites " fall . It was a huge metal gate . So , we have no choice , we go forward . First , there is a paper or thin cloth bridge . It is along one wall . So , dad puts his foot on it to see if it is sturdy . It was . So , he goes across , and then everyone else . I remember looking over the side of the bridge , to water below . It has alligators in it . After we are across , there are some stone steps leading down . Down them is a big circular room . It has several doors , some have a big metal door . We all decide to explore them for a way out . Jeff goes in one , and I was following when a gate came down so I couldnt . Looking around , all the gates where down , and my family was no where in site . Then I woke up . Current Mood : dreamy Sorry for not updating . . . We used to go to Grandmas house twice a day . Now we are going over once per day . Grandma has lost a lot of weight , and she is sad a lot . Doesn 't cry as often as she used to , but she isn 't doing anything . We had went through a bunch of old pictures and photo albums looking for pictures of Grandpa . Grandma didn 't look at them . Mom is trying to get her budget and everything in order . Turns out , there was a mortgage on the house , and a bunch of other problems I don 't know about . Fourth of July was boring . We decided not to buy fireworks . All we had are some fire crackers . The first one I lit off went right for me . Hopefully this Saturday we are going to do some of the fireworks from last year , since our Aunt Debbie came to see Grandma . We had a bit of excitement today . There was a fire . Jeffrey and me were playing Jet Force Gemini . We hear yelling so we go out . We try asking people what was wrong but they were too busy running around . The embers had fallen out of the barbeque pit through the drain hole and had set the dry grass under it on fire . The fire had spread close to the wheat . We got a hose out and put out the fire , and now they are outside making sure the fire is out . The pit was in front of our garage . The garage is out by the wheat field . So when the grass set fire , it automatically spread . At Grandmas house , she has two batches of kittens . One batch is black , and the other has orange and grey and black . They are both cute . The more mixed one is older . We have our pool up . Jeff and me went swimming every day until recently . I have been sunburned , but it is mostly gone . Last Saturday I baby sat . See , our distant cousin Ursula called and asked for a baby sitter . Basically , I was her last resort . So , Mom dropped me off half way from Coulee City , and Ursula picked me up . I was to sleep over there . So , I played with the kid , a game where we pretended to be diffrent animals . Then it was bed time and the two year old asked to sleep in the same room as me . Her grandma let her , and ( 2 Comments | Comment on this ) Tuesday , June 13th , 20064 : 40 pm Grandpa had to go back to the hospital . I dont know the exact reasoning , but he did . Well , yesterday we got news he wasn 't doing so well . He might not survive the night . So we called the hospital and was told by relatives that we couldn 't come by . He survived the night and all . Today we drove down to Moses Lake , where he was in intensive care . He was suffering from internal bleeding and failed kidneys . They were transferring him to Wenatchee , for dialysis . We managed to get to the hospital in time to say hi to Grandma and give her hugs . We saw them load up Grandpa into the ambulance so he could leave . This time he was in intensive care or emergency or whatever , and they said he had problems in the ambulance ride there . He held on till dad got there . Mom says that he waited until he heard Daddies voice . Dad and mom were able to pass on our love , along with our Aunt Debbie 's . We stayed in the car like we did all the other times . Then , he was gone . I guess he was unconscious when dad came , and once he heard we all loved him , Grandpa went . He was never a big part in our lives , we didn 't visit all that often and had a few arguments with them , but I still loved him . I think that I didn 't cry that much , but every time someone said I love you , or showed any affection like that , or anyone else crying , I did too . I remember that Grandma and Grandpa had peacocks at their house , and once when I went into a spare bedroom , there were all these tail feathers . I ran out of the room , because they were all staring at me . Grandpa would sit on the porch swing and watch the birds , or sit at the table doing puzzles . I loved him a lot , but since he wasn 't a big part of my life , I cant believe he is gone . But he is , and I cannot deny the truth . Grandma is taking it hard . She said that Grandpa was the love of her life , and she couldn 't believe he was gone . She cried a lot , and I love her . I am afraid though that maybe without Grandpa , she will die soon too , of a broken heart . I love them both so much . Good bye Grandpa . ( 1 Comment | Comment on this ) Friday , June 9th , 20068 : 28 pm Wow . . . If I could only update my journal as often as I post on my communities . 0 . oI have a big rug burn close to my elbow that is sore , and for the past night me and my little brother slept in a tent . Schools out ! Since I am homeschooled , we really got out Tuesday . Ryan had a Maniners game he went to Thursday , and got out of school today . We got a school newspaper thing saying that one of the teachers that was big on discipline was going to be vice - principal , so Jeff is spending seventh grade in public school . I am going to high school , so mom is going to take on extra classes . While Ryan was at the Mariners game , Mom taught me how to make curly fries , which was really good . Man , I so did not feel good that day , I ate too much . Tonight , I keep wanting to eat more after dinner , lol . My grandpa , Dads side , has been in the hospital . He had some problem on the bottom of his foot or something . Grandpa Bolyard is home now , after mom and dad visited him in the hospital , bringing get well cards . We keep trying to arrange visits , but Grandpa is tired . Todays Random thought : Um . . . Life is exciting with my family . Current Mood : mellow Reading my friends page made me want to post . . . My parents are talking about camping , hiking , backpacking . Sounds cool . I have already choosen what backpack I am going to use , and I dont even know when we might be going . : P Oh well , should be fun . I am going to ' pack ' so I can see how heavy the pack is going to be with all the stuff inside . Mom or dad was telling a story about how this one guy was packing to go backpacking . He put all this stuff in his bag . His friend was watching , and he said that he had cut his toothbrush short , and that you want as little extra weight as possible . So they go hiking up a cliff , and the guy who packed alot got tired and started to fling things out of he 's bag . Getting to the camp site , he realized that he had thrown out most of the important things out of his bag . Lol . I am learning spanish . Typing some of that paragraph , I see several works I am tempted to put in spanish , Like tired , cansado . I think , hope . Maybe I would remember some of them better if I did use them in a sentence . I think I will do that , and at the end I will translate them . That ought to help . Current Mood : blank Home at last Well , we got home safely . It was fun . We arrived at Grandma and Grandpas stumps house before dark , and we were able to set up the tent in time to talk alot to everyone . We all sat around a camp fire and mom and her brother John talked about what happened when they were kids , like dressing John up as a girl , then him jumping out a window and knocking on the door . We also went rock hunting , and made a rock garden for Grandma . Dads sister Debbie came over . That was alot of fun because she is . Grandpa has a potato gun . You stick the end in the potato and then pull the trigger . It shoots a litle potato piece at you . Talking with Grandma was fun . Then on Saturday Moms sister Julie came over . She brought her bunch , and that was fun . We ate barbeque that Mom had brought , and baked beans , and really what you would eat around a campfire . Sunday we left around 10 : 30 , and ate Burgerville for breakfast . Then we were on the way home . We stopped at a trail , walked it , and stopped near a river to throw rocks in . My family is really fun during vacations . Current Mood : indescribable Busy week This weekend we are going to my Grandparents , The Stumps , house . My moms sister is supposed to be there with her fiance and they are bringing five kids , two of his and three of hers . We are all trying to think of fun things to do with the five kids , and I think it is going to be fun . It is going to be an interesting weekend . I am so looking forward to it . We are bringing the tent we bought , and are going to camp out in it . We have been doing a lot of preparation for it . We have the sleeping bags rolled up , Jeffreys mat rolled up , ( He didnt like the green air matresses so we got him an egg carton one ) Mom and dad bought themselves an air matress , that is ready to go , I am packed , I think Jeffrey is packed , the small tent is rolled up , and we are going to roll the big one up and pack it today . Yesterday around 5 : 30 mom , dad , and me went for a walk up the dirt road . I picked alot of flowers , and today for homeschool we have to identify them . Havent found any tics on me , but last night some fleas ? attacked the bottome left corner of my face . It itches , but if I dont itch it , it goes away . I hope . . . Anyway , the reason we went on the walk is we want to climp Beagon rock again ! Last time we climbed it we had a little picnic , and it was alot of fun . Mama kitty might have her babies soon . We put an old blanket where she likes to sleep . I am a bit worried about Felix . He seems slow moving and tired . It might be that he explores all the time , but last time I saw him he seemed okay . Not too worried . Current Mood : bouncy We got a tent ! Two days ago my family , except Jeff , went to walmart at 7 : 50 . We had to buy bread , cause earlier that day Jeff and me ate it all . ( Oops . . . ) Anyway , mom and dad looked at the tents , and they saw the spot for one they wanted . ( They had looked online for a tent ) It was empty . So mom asked if they had any in the back , and sure enough they did ! So , we now have a tent . It is really cool . Last night we set it up and figured it all out . It has three rooms . The way it works is they have thes sheet things that can be tied up that form the two small rooms on the side . Jeff and me slept in it last night . It was cold and we woke up several times last night , but it was really fun . We keep going out and reading in it now ! Lol . Well , I am going to go read ! : D Current Mood : chipper Grumble Yesterday Jeff and me went outside before our homework was done . He wanted to play with some bionicles or something , but I didnt want to . Instead , I got him to play a game , where we have to try to keep a hackie sack the longest . I ran into the garden area , and he grabbed me and started to pinch my arm and side . We stopped the game , and sat down on a collection of cinder blocks we had arranged so that there was kinda a pyrimid base there . My whole arm was turning red , and we were arguing . During a break in it , I started to call the girl cat who was across the garden . We were sitting on two seperate cinder blocks with one inbetween us . The one inbetween us was resting on two others , raising it off the ground . I was patting it , trying to get the girl kittie to come sit on it . Jeff then pushed it off the others , right onto my bare foot . I imediatly got up and started to cry . I limped to the house , walking through two sprinkelers . Opening the door , mom was watching a school video . She heard me crying and stopped the movie , and brought me to the bathroom . turning on some cold water in the tub and putting it under , I stopped crying . The water on my foot was hard and hurt . I guess it was fast or something . Any way , she turned off the water , and put neosporn on a spot that was BLEEDING ! My pinky toe was all red and starting to swell . At that time Jeff came in the house . I guess the whole time he was watching me laughing . I dont know . That is what it seemed like . Anyway , he looked at it and said sorry . Mom came in and got me to go to the couch , and she elevated my foot . It was the pinky toe that got the worse , and near the base was the spot it was bleeding . So after a while I went to my room and elevated it while reading . Mom came in and looked at it a few times , then went outside and called dad on the cell , cause we dont get reception inside . Then she made a doctors appointment . Our old doctor recently moved , so they had a replacement . My toe got numb after a while , but soon it felt better . The appointment was for ( Comment on this ) Monday , April 17th , 20068 : 00 am Going ons Kinda forgot about this . So much has happened . Here goes ! My mom had the idea to buy these pellet soil things , where you add water and they swell so you can plant seeds in it . Jeff 's has grown huge , and today we are transplanting a few , because it is still to cold to plant them outside . This is going to be hard , since all the roots have combined the pellets . I have a few that need to be transplanted , but that is going to be easier then Jeffs . I bought a mountain bike from Walmart around Monday . It has 10 speeds , and it is purple and in really good shape . It was about $ 36 . I have only riden it once , but I know this summer I am going to ride it more . My old bike has a ripped seat , and I have had it for several years . We had to replace the petals a while ago , since they cracked and broke . It was on that bike that I learned to ride , but it was also the one that in Fifth grade I ripped my favorite coat on the chain . I really like my new bike , but it is going to have to take some getting used to having the brakes on the front and not back peddaling to stop it . Easter was fun . Saturday we colored eggs , and hid them . We found all the ones that Ryan hid , and I offered to have Jeff hide them next , but he didnt . So , I hid them and we found all but one . We stayed out till 8 : 30 trying to find it , but gave up . Then , easter we went and looked for the ones Jeff hid , and Ryan found my egg from yesterday . We colored 25 eggs , but by today we have 20 . 5 had cracked from falling and us putting them in bad spots . I dont like eggs , so Ryan and Jeff had to eat them . I mutilated one by squeezing it , but that was because Ryan did and it was cool . From our easter baskets we we got some Starburst jelly beans , small chocolate eggs , a chocolate bunny , and bubble tape . We also got a foam glider . I didnt eat alot of my candy yesterday because I arranged my candy into a picture . The reason for this was because someone I know was having a contest of who could make the best picture . Today , though . . . MuwahahahaSo we get a call from a neighbo ( 1 Comment | Comment on this ) Friday , April 7th , 20067 : 23 pm Cow We have an outdoor cat named Cow . He has been picked on lately by another outdoor cat . Cow has all these scabs and scratches on him , and he is really thin . We gave him some food today keeping the other three cats away , and he ate his fill . I hate how this cat picks on all the others . We went out to look for Cow because we saw the gray cat chasing him . . . and we found the cat picking on another black cat . The black cat , Felix , was thin too , so we gave him some food too . It got windy tonight , and I am glad they had the food for warmth . It drives me crazy that the grey cat will drive Cow or Felix away . It is hard lately to find Cow . I am thinking of asking my mom to let me keep them in my room . I would feed them , and if they sprayed , I would clean it up . I would also take care of his cat box , or we could figure something else out . But we had Cow in my room today to eat and he ate then wanted to be pettted . He didnt explore at all . So maybe mom will say yes ? Please ? His ear has a big scab on it . Or we would get rid of that grey kitty . I dont know . I am just worried about them . Current Mood : worried Love Ya ! Well , today I got my present from my grandma stump . It is a neckalace . I love it . It has a simple silver heart on a pink leather string , strap , thread ? I have no idea what it is called . The box says it is a hanging heart cord pendant . The leather is soft , and because I know from experiance that the leather will get hard , I am not going to wear it that often . The heart has stones going along the bottom of it , and I just love it ! It is so pretty . Along with that , I got some hair ties . Thank goodness that they are the bigger kind , and mom prefers the small kind . Earlier today I was looking for a hair tie , and I couldnt find any . That is the thing that we need in the house , hair ties . They are soft . We also got 3 hats for the boys , and mom and dad got t - shirts . They are all pretty cool . I am going to take some pictures later and try to figure out how to put them on here . We 'll see . Today we went to Walmart . Mom had a project to watch people talking on their cell phones . We wandered around all the isles looking for people talking . It was really funny . After a while , it got really busy . We got the rest of what we wanted , and left . We planted seeds inside today . We got this tray that had soil pellets or whatever they are called . You add water and the swell , you add the seed , and wait for it to grow . We had alot of fun today , but I am really tired . It is raining right now . Current Mood : tired Spring is here , on my brothers Birthday ! Well , Jeffs birthday was today . He got to open his present this morning , and I was woken up for it . * Grumbles * lol . It was a game cube game , and he has been playing it all day . I did get him to go play outside , but he said , " I 'm hungry . I am going in to eat a bratworste . " So he went in , and after waiting for a while , I went in to see what was going on . He was playing his game with Ryan . He had forgotten all about his lunch . Jeff does that all the time , and it makes me feel like I am not worth his time . Worse , mom was trying to take a nap , and the boys were being all loud . So , we all got in trouble . I hate being in trouble . Today we were all eating cake and ice cream , and someone made some comment about how quiet it was . So , I said that was because when Mom was gone , Jeffrey dissapeared upstairs and acted like he doesnt exist . Mom said after that that she lets Jeff do that , but it is all because of me that there are so many problems . Does my family realize that that is teasing , and I left school because of it ? mom is my teacher , so her saying that really hurts . Also , mom asked for some one to do the dishwasher , and no one did . So I ended up doing it because Jeff was playing his game , Ryan was playing runescape , and I was closest . I once asked why she asked for my help all the time , she said it was because she knows it will get done . I tried to be like Ryan and Jeff , but ended up in trouble . If I am playing with Ryan or Jeff , and she wants a chore done , she calls on me . It gets annoying , but I sometimes am glad she can depend on me . But I think she depends on me too much . Just because the boys are always on runescape . Mom asked for someone to clean the table , and I called the guys . Jeff came , and I got in trouble for wanting help , because I had already done dishwasher , and cleaned the table off earlier , and Ryan swept . He sits in front of the computer all day , and I get stuck doing everything . Just cause he has a friend . And Jeff is always watching . I want to be helpful , and ( 4 Comments | Comment on this ) Tuesday , March 28th , 20066 : 49 pm Spring Bug The spring bug has biten , hard ! I thought , " Oh , it is so nice out , I dont need shoes ! " Ummm , WRONG ! Now I have a sliver in my left big toe , so that every so often , I will step and it will hurt . It is in the place where my toe meets my foot , so it is hard to get out , and doesnt hurt all the time . Its my fault , I walked through the garden and climbed the cedar fence without shoes . On another note , Jeffrey birthday is tommarow . For homework , we have to watch ' The First 20 Million ' then ' The Page Master . ' So , homework will be funner then usual . Jeffrey didnt even finish his homework today . I did , but that was because I dont like to get in trouble . My mom was all over the place today . There is this woman , Sally , who has a web page and asks for moms help . She keeps calling and that sort of stuff , and I feel really sorry for mom . She went to town today , gave dad lunch , walked to where dad was , and all sorts of other stuff . I am suprised she isnt exasted . I would be . Ryan has actually pulled himself away from Runescape long enough to play outside with us lately . : O Amazing . He never pulls himself away from Runescape unless something really important . So , that was fun . I was talking to Mom about Jeffreys birthday , and I asked her how she felt about having three teenagers in the house . She said that she was now ' over the hill . ' I asked her then how long dad has been over the hill , and she said he would be tomarow . I dont think so , Dad is a 5 year old kid at heart . Mom , mom is her real age at heart , having to spend all her time with us bratty kids . Ya know , I liked being 2 years older then Jeff , but that is all over tomarow . : ( Oh well . I 'll live . I would go outside right now , but it is dark . lol . We keep thinking about making a pinata for Jeffs birthday , but that might not happen . we keep forgetting . Current Mood : excited Fire ! Today Jeffrey and Dad made a big bonfire . I was looking at a slide show with my mom , and I saw a gleam in the corner of the window . It was the fire . It was big . Now they are in , and smell all smoky . Today was interesting . I spent alot of time outside , even though I dont know why . It was a nice day today . Current Mood : chipper So much has happened I dont know where to start . Last night , my moms cat Booger was outside . So before we went to bed , we got him in . At 5 in the morning , he started clawing my carpet , and everytime I sat up , he would stop . So , eventually he sat on my bed , by my knee , and purred . I just want to say something . Claws + knee = ouch ! ! Jeffreys birthday is 4 days . He is getting a game cube game for his present . School work has been hard . Either it is me , or it is just hard . Better then being in public school though . Does any one watch Avatar : The Last Airbender ? I love that show . The Cave Of Two Lovers was sweet . If I remember more of what happened yesterday , I will post ! Current Mood : awake ^-^ Today we took moms cat to the old scool house across the road from our house , and he had tons of fun in there . He was rubing up against everything , and he was sniffing everything around . The reason we took him there was because when we usually play there , and come back in the cats are always sniffing us like we are someone theyve never met . Booger was outside , and when we went to the school house , he followed . It was funny . it was a really nice day today , so Jeffrey and me went out , and I ended up taking off my shoes and coat . Jeffreys birthday is in less then a week , and he might get it taken away , just because he is so anoying . We have the idea to make a treasure chest cake and have a pirate theme . Jeff would probably love that . We could have a scavenger hunt and everything . My gum is still sore from yesterday , but it isnt as bad as yesterday . Still cant eat any real crunchy foods , like my fav . cereal . Bummer , but at least I have teeth . Current Mood : artistic |
In this letter , Robert Walton wrote to his sister Margaret Saville . She lives in England and her brother is from Russia . Walton wrote about the weather in Petersburgh , about the breeze and the cold , and also about what he thinks of the North Pole . He thinks that it is a beautiful region and not just a place of frost and with icy climes . He wants to take a voyage , because he has the intention to discover places and lands that people had never visited before and he wants also to find a passage near the Pole . Robert Walton is a very curious and brave man . As a child he always read volumes about voyages , but he could never go on an expedition because his father died and his uncle never allowed him to go on a long journey . When he was younger he often went with whale - fishers on many trips to the North Sea , because he wanted to prepare his body . So he voluntarily suffered for cold , famine , thirst and want of sleep . He also worked harder and longer than the other ones , and studied at night . At the end of the letter he said that the cold is bearable if you wear furs and move around on the deck , so the cold isn 't the problem , but his spirit , he is often depressed . Walton wrote a second letter to his sister and wrote about the fact that he has hired a vessel and that he is collecting his sailors in Archangel , but in this letter he talks particularly about his feelings : he has no friends , no one to talk to . He 's a lonely man and desires a friend , who could participate in his joy and help him through hard times . He also talks about his lieutenant , who is brave and desirous of glory . This man did not have a job , so Walton proposed him to come with him . Also the master is a very brave man and he is remarkable for his gentleness and mildness . In the letter he says that the weather was good and that he maybe would sail sooner , but he doesn 't want to do things rashly , he is prudent . Walton wrote a third letter to let his sister know that he is safe and that his expedition is proceeding fine . This letter would arrive in England thanks to a merchantman . They have already reached a high latitude and the southern gales continue to blow them towards the north . During the trip there were just two stiff gales and the springing of a leak . Robert Walton is happy that nothing worse had happened . On Monday 31st of July an accident happened : the vessel was surronded by ice and couldn 't move and it was foggy , so they weren 't able to see what was happening around them . They waited and hoped for the weather to change . At the end it became better and when they looked around , they just saw ice everywhere . Then , suddenly a gigant figure appeared . He was drawn by dogs on a sledge and he was far away so he disappeared soon later . So , maybe , if there was someone , the land mustn 't have been far away as they had supposed . Fortunately the ice broke , but they prefered to wait for the next morning . The following morning there was a man with a dog and a sledge on the ice near the vessel and he was in bad conditions , so they brought him on the deck and helped him . Walton thought that he was an interesting person and after some days the man explained why he was travelling on the ice : He was seeking the one who fled from him and the other sailors told him that they had seen a man just the day before . The man 's health got better and he spent most time in the cabin of Walton . In his second letter Walton said that he wanted a friend and in those days he was starting to love the man as a brother . The stranger felt much better and started to pass some time on the deck and watched around in order to see the man on the sledge that he was seeking . The man was gentle , wise and cultivated . Walton and the stranger talked sometimes about Walton 's expedition , about their past and their feelings . Robert discovered that the stranger was unhappy and had a broken soul , but despite of this he was a person who could feel and appreciate the beautiful nature and the particular regions . One day the stranger went to Walton and told him that he would tell him his story . Walton felt gratified by this and the narrative would probably help him understand the stranger better . Victor Frankenstein is a Genevese and his family is one of the most important families of the republic , because his ancestors were counsellors and syndics . Besides that , his father was respected by everyone and had much to do for the country . Victor 's father had a friend named Beaufort and before he became poor , he was known for his position . He felt ashamed and didn 't want to live there anymore , so he moved to Lucerne with his daughter . The father of Victor wanted to help him by giving him some money . Beaufort had an abode in the city where he stayed , thanks to the money that he had saved of his fortunes . He could maintain himself and his daughter for some months . Beaufort didn 't find an employment and became very sad , so sad that he couldn 't do anything . His daughter , Caroline , did plain work and with the little money that she earned , she wanted to support life . The situation became worse and her father died . Victor 's father found Caroline and brought her to his house . Two years later they married . Caroline had been shaken by her past and Victor 's father wanted to give her whatever she needed and to fulfil her desires . After their marriage they went on a trip and travelled to Italy , to Germany and France . Victor Frankenstein , who was born in Naples , was their only child and went with them on their journeys . After some time Caroline wanted to have a daughter , but Victor was still the only child . One day Victor 's father went to Milan and Caroline and Victor went to visit an abode , where they found a peasant with his wife and five children . Caroline was attracted by one of the babies . The peasant 's wife explained her , that the baby wasn 't hers , but the daughter of a nobleman , who lived in Milan . She told them that the baby 's mother had died early and the father of it too , so the baby became an orphan and lived with this poor family . When Victor 's father returned from Milan he found Victor playing with the baby . Elizabeth Lavenza became part of the family and she was for Victor , more than a simple cousin . She was the inmate of their house . They grew up together and there was just about one year difference in their ages . Victor didn 't consider her as a stranger and even if their characters were different , they were very close to each other . Elizabeth was calmer than Victor and interested in the aerial creations of poets . Time later a second son was born and Victor 's parents stopped wandering and remained in their native country . During school , Victor found an important friend : Henry Clerval , the son of a merchant of Geneva . Victor had had a nice childhood and he had been grateful , not only for his good conditions , but also for his kind parents . As a child he was curious and wanted to learn and study , not languages or the code of governments , but he wanted to understand the secrets of heaven and the world , the nature and the earth . The world was a big secret for him , and the laws of nature attracted him . His friend Henry , instead , desired to become a benefactor and wanted people to remember him as a heroe in the future . During Victor 's childhood his feelings and the fact that he wanted to know about the world around him became enthusiasm and passion . He loved Natural Philosophy . When Victor was thirteen years old , he went with his family to a pleasure party to the baths ( near Thonon ) and one day they the weather wasn 't good , so they had to stay inside . Victor found a book by Cornelius Agrippa in the house , and read it . He thought it was very interesting , so he wanted to read other books too , not just by him . Of course Agrippa was one the first ones , but Victor liked this kind of philosophers much more than the modern ones . When Victor was fifteen years old , they went to their other house near Belrive and one day there was a thunder - storm . Victor saw a beautiful oak , not far away from their house , and it was on fire . The next day they went to the tree with a man , who was interested in Natural Philosophy . When they arrived , they found just a little wood and the man began to talk about electricity and galvanism . Victor started being interested in those fields . When Victor was seventeen years old , his parents told him that he should go to the University of Ingolstadt , in order to complete his studies . But before he went to Universtity something terrible happened . Elizabeth became sick , she had the scarlet fever and Caroline was very worried , so she attended her sickbed and became ill , too . Her daughter recovered from her illness , but Caroline died . They had seen her every day and it was strange to think that his mother had disappeared forever , but they had all to move on . After this sad event , Victor didn 't go immediately to University , but stayed with his family for a couple of weeks . He desired to see his cousin Elizabeth happy , indeed she was just hiding her sadness . Then the day in which he had to leave his family arrived . His friend Clerval also asked his father if he could accompany Victor and study at that University , too , but his father didn 't let him . It was hard for Victor to leave his father , Elizabeth and Clerval that day , he always had been surrounded by them . After a long travel he arrived and went in went to his apartment . The day after he met his professor of Natural Philosophy , M . Krempe , and told him what he had learned about that subject . The professor told Victor that he had wasted his time and that he had to begin his studies entirely anew . M . Krempe wrote down a list of the books that Victor had to find . He didn 't like M . Krempe . A few days after he participated at a lecture of M . Waldman . He was his Chemistry professor and a nice person and Victor met him also privately and told him what he had studied during high school . He was understanding . Thanks to him he decided to study science , and with this decision he also decided his future . So , Victor started his studies and soon he passed very much time studying Natural Philosophy and Chemistry . He attended the lectures and then , also M . Krempe became a good professor for him , even if he had his own manners and ways to do . M . Waldman , instead , was like a friend , who helped him with his apprehension . Victor progressed every day and he thought that in other subjects and studies you just go as far as the people who studied before , but in science , there would be always new discoveries , there was no end , never . He was so good at that university and he studied so much that he even improved some chemical instruments . Time passed and he wanted to return to his native country and family , because he didn 't improve anymore , but something happened . He was suddenly attracted by the human body , life and death . He wanted to know what caused life and what death . So he started studying anatomy . When he was a child he never thought about supernatural horrors or superstitions , but at university he started examining and analisyng everything . After some time he became even able to give animation to lifeless matter . It was incredible , but he needed something which could receive the animation , like something which had fibres , muscles and veins . He had to create a being like him , it would take a long time , but he decided to create a gigant being . So , he collected materials for several months and started with his enterprise and worked hard . Time passed and he didn 't think anymore about his family or friends while he was working in his chamber , separated from all the others . Victor never wrote them any letters . He worked even during the summer , because nature didn 't attract him anymore . He was very concentrated and everything proceeded well . He worked so much that he became a little sick , but he promised himself that he would enjoy and rest as soon as he finished his gigant being . It was a November night when Victor gave animation to his gigant being and the being opened his yellow eyes and moved his limbs . He was terrifying . The being was eight feet in height , his skin was yellow , his hair was black , his teeth white and his lips were black . Victor , who worked so hard for that being and who didn 't care about his health and even became sick , was scared and in that moment all his enthusiasm vanished . Victor was disgusted . The man escaped , ran downstairs and went in the courtyard of the house in which he lived . He passed the night there , but didn 't sleep . He was really shocked . The next morning he went outside on the streets , Victor didn 't have the intention to return to his apartment , but also didn 't know where he was going . Suddenly he stopped for a few minutes and then fixed a coach that was coming towards him . The coach stopped just in front of him : his friend Henry Clerval was inside . For a moment Victor forgot the monster that he had created and felt happy . They walked together towardVictor 's College and Henry explained him that his father allowed him to come to Ingolstadt , he also noticed that his friend seemed sick and tired . Victor opened the door slowly and was really agitated , but then he realized that the monster wasn 't in his room anymore and he felt very very relieved . Victor jumped around and Henry asked him which was the reason of his exaggerated happiness . In that moment Victor remembered the monster . During that period he became very ill and Henry cured him for several months and Victor explained him the cause of all that and first , his friend , couldn 't believe it . When Victor felt better , Henry gave him a letter by Elizabeth . In the letter Elizabeth said that her family and she were very worried about his health and his condition and that she wanted him to send a letter . She also wanted him to come back home as soon as he would feel better . Elizabeth explained him the story of a girl named Justine Moritz , that started to live with them as a servant , because Elizabeth 's aunt noticed how badly she was treated by her mother . Elizabeth 's aunt and Justine were very close and had a nice relationship , besides that the aunt wanted to give her also a superior education . Justine became very sad when Elizabeth 's aunt died and soon also her brothers and sisters died . After this sad event Justine 's mother obliged her to come back and to live with her again . She was a terrible mother and even a little mad : sometimes she begged Justine to forgive her and other times she said that Justine caused the death of her brothers and sisters . Then , after some time , Madame Mortiz died and Justine lived again with Elizabeth and the other members of the family . Elizabeth talked also about what happened and changed in their town . When Victor finished reading the letter , he wrote one on his own , even if it was hard for him , because he had not entirely recovered from his illness , but he felt better . He started to hate everything which was connected with science . Clerval removed all the instruments and apparatus that Victor used for his creation and they even changed room . Victor also didn 't want to hear the word " Natural Philosophy " or anything that could remind him of the mistake that he had made . When Victor saw the professors , like M . Waldman or M . Krempe , it was a torture for him . Time passed and he stayed at university during the summer . He had the intention to return home towards the end of autumn , but then things were postponed and during the winter the streets were icy . He wanted to leave university in May , in order to visit his family , but Henry proposed him to go on a pedestrian tour in Ingolstadt . Victor recovered entirely and accepted his proposal and thanks to his good friend Henry , who had always supported him , he started to love nature again and he was as happy as he had been years before . When Victor returned from his journey with Henry he found a letter from his father , Alphonse Frankenstein . Alphonse wrote in his letter that they all waited for him to come home , but he warned Victor : there wouldn 't be a happy and delighted welcome , because William died and they were all depressed . Victor had two brothers : Ernest , who was older ( 16 years old ) and wanted to start a military career , and William , who was much younger . It happened on a Thursday , when Elizabeth , Alphonse and the two children went to Plainpalais to walk . Suddenly Ernest and William disappeared and at the end just Ernest returned . They found William at five o ' clock in the morning and he was dead : someone had murdered him . Victor had the intention to return home and he was very nervous . He left his college and went towards Geneva . During his travel he remained two days at Lausanne , then he arrived at Geneva but the gates of the town were closed . So , he had to stay at Secheron , which was a village in the proximity . He didn 't want to pass the night there , so he decided to go to the place where William died . He arrived at Plainpalais by boat , because he had to cross a lake . He walked a bit and then he saw something terrifying : it was a gigant creature . He realized that it was the gigant being that he had created long time before , the gigant being whom he had given animation . Victor was frightened , he knew that he had a murderer in front of his eyes . He was sure about the fact that the being was the one , who killed his little brother . Fortunately the monster didn 't kill or injure him . Victor saw him again , for the fist time after two years . Early in the morning Victor arrived at his father 's house and his brother Ernest greeted him . Ernest explained him the situation and told him that Elizabeth was the most wretched and that she accused herself of the death of William , even if it wasn 't her fault . Victor was sad and his brother told him that they maybe found the murderer . At that point Victor was shocked , but when Ernest told him the name of the murderer he calmed down , nevertheless he was sorry because he knew exacly that Justine Mortiz wasn 't the murderess . Afterwards , Alphonse and Elizabeth joined the group and they talked about poor Justine , who was accused and they all hoped that she would be acquitted . At eleven o ' clock of the same day , the trial commenced . Victor caused all that and Justine , who was innocent , was accused . At the beginning , Justine was calm and wasn 't worried . But there were many facts that weren 't clear about her and people said that she had been strange when she returned home the morning after William 's death . Justine didn 't sleep at home that night and she also had a picture of Caroline in her pocket ; it was William 's image and he took it always with him , when he was alive . So , people thought that she was the murderess . Justine explained everything : she passed the evening with her aunt , who lived at Chene and when she was returning home , she met a man , that asked her about a young boy . So , Justine was worried and started searching the boy , because she thought it was William , the one who was searched by the man . Time passed and the gates of Geneva closed , so she couldn 't return home . Justine passed the night in a barn of a cottage . She heard some steps the next day , that awoke her , and at last she returned home . Justine wasn 't able to explain the fact about William 's picture in her pocket , probably the murderer put it there . After Justine 's explanation , the witnesses were called out . Elizabeth talked very well about her and said that she was an amiable person , who could not have any reasons to do something similar . Victor had feelings of guilt during the court , so he rushed out . At the end Justine confessed , even if she was innocent and Elizabeth and Victor , who both still believed in her innocence , were desperate . Justine was in prison now and Elizabeth and Victor , who couldn 't sleep at night , visited her . The convicted woman and Elizabeth talked and cried for a couple of hours . Elizabeth wanted to prove her innocence , but it was impossibile . Victor didn 't talk , he felt agony and remained in the corner of the prison chamber , he had never felt this bad in his life . The following day , Justine died . Victor was the real murderer , he had caused the death of two people and cVolume Two : Victor regretted his action : the creation of a moster , that had killed two people , while he was already alive . It wasn 't fair and he knew that . Victor was seized by remorse and senses of guilt , and solitude was his consolation . His father Alphonse saw his pain and grief , but couldn 't do anything for his son . In those days , they went to stay for some time at their other house at Belrive . It was different at Belrive : people could go outside whenever they wanted and there weren 't gates and walls around the little city , which closed in the evening . So , Victor went outside any the night and took the boat to cross the lake or just stayed upon the water for some time . There , he started to reflect . Sometimes he wished to disappear in the lake , but he couldn 't , he had to be behind his family and help them through their sorrow . Victor was worried , because he was sure that this was just the beginning of a tragedy : the monster would act again and commit a new crime . Alphonse 's health was influenced by the sad events that happened and Elizabeth wasn 't the happy and delighted woman , that she was time before , anymore . Sometimes she talked with Victor and explained him how she felt and what kind of reflections she had . Elizabeth spoke about Justine 's death and her sadness , but she noticed Victor 's pain and saw that he was the one who was suffering the most . She told him to calm down and to think about his friends , that were around him and about his beautiful native land which surrounded him . He had to stay positive . But nothing , not even those words could take the pain away . Most of the time Victor was able to control his emotions , but sometimes he had to change place . So , during one of his hard moments , he took a horse and went towards the valley of Chamounix . He knew that valley , because he had visited it as a child . During his little journey he saw castles , beautiful mountains and was fashinated by the magnificent nature around him . Then he crossed the bridge of Pèlissier and arrived in the valley . AfterwardsChapter 2 : The next day he went through the valley and spent his time there , by looking around at the beautiful nature , that could not take his sorrow away , but it consoled him a little . Again he passed the night there and when he woke up the next morning , he decided to ascend to the summit of a mount , named Mountanvert . He decided to do it , because nature had the effect to make him forget his pain for some time . Victor started to ascend the glacier without a guide and the ascent was precipitous and dangerous : it was raining , there were broken trees everywhere and stones continued to roll and fell . Then , he finally arrived at the top of the glacier after a couple of hours and decided later , to descend upon the glacier on the opposite side . It took him two hours and then he saw something stupendous in front of him : the Mont Blanc . All his sorrow and sadness disappeared and he was glad to be there . But , these feelings were interrupted by a strange vision : a gigant man was coming towards him with speed : it was the monster . Victor Frankenstein didn 't want to talk with him and was ready for a fight , but the monster continued and told him that he should listen to him and warned him : Victor had to comply to his conditions , if he wouldn 't , the monster would murder all his friends and family . Victor became angry and wanted to kill the gigant being . At that point the monster said that everyone hated him and that he had been benevolent and good in the past , but things changed . The monster just wanted to be happy , but everyone rejected , excluded and isolated him . The mountains , glaciers and caves were his only refuges . The monster invited Victor to come with him , in order to listen at his story and at the end Victor accepted . The monster started telling his tale . At the beginning he stayed at the forest of Ingolstadt . There he sought for a place where he could take a rest and where he could receive shade . Everything was confusing : he didn 't know what light was and couldn 't distinguish his senses . Then he was hungry and thirsty , so he ate some berries and when he was tired , he just laid down and slept . When he awoke it was dark and very cold , even if he had covered himself with something before he left Victor 's apartment . The daemon was desolate and sad , because he was alone and didn 't know what to do . It was night and the moon came out , it was the first time for him , he had never seen the moon in his life . Afterwards he was hungry again and so he searched for some berries . The time didn 't pass and it was still cold ; fortunately he found a cloak . The days passed and he started to get used to that life in the forest . He started to distinguish the forms of the objects that were around him , he also discovered the fire one morning , while he was walking through the forest . Some beggars probably had left the fire burning . He saw that the fire was warming him up and soon he understood how to maintain it . So when he woke up the morning after and looked after the fire , it was still there . He saw that the fire was giving him light , too and thanks to this he could find food . However , after some time , he barely found food , and became hungry , so he decided to leave that forest and to search another region where he could live . His preoccupation was the fire : he learned how to maintain it , but not how to create it . He started wandering and found the open country with many fields . The monster glanced around and saw a hut , he entered and man screamed by seeing him and ran away . It was a good place where to stay : he wouldn 't freeze anymore and rain wouldn 't penetrate and enter . The daemon ate the lasting food of the shepherd , then , he slept . The following day , after a long hike , he finally saw a village in front of him . He went there and was attracted by the good food , that was in the cottages , so he simply entered and took it while the people , who lived inside , fled and screamed or attacked him . The monster escaped from the village and took refuge in a hovel . He stayed in a hovel which was against the back of a cottage , where a man and a young woman lived . Thanks to a crevice in the wood , he could look inside a room of the cottage , where the woman and an old man were . The scene of those two was full of kindness and sweetness that touched him . Then , the younger man returned with some wood and the girl helped him , and then they ate something together . In the evening the monster observed them again , the man and the young woman were busy , while the old man was playing an instrument . At the end of the day , the family retired and the monster fell asleep . It was winter , the monster continued observing the family , they passed the day as the day before . He discovered that the old man was blind and also that the family , even if they had anything they needed , was unhappy . They possessed a house , they had fire , food , clothes and they had company and loved each other . They weren 't alone like the monster , who wanted to join them . He couldn 't understand their sadness . After some time the monster realized that their were poor , they had just a little garden for vegetables and a cow for some milk . They didn 't eat anything else and sometimes they even not ate at all . He also noticed that the man had to collect some wood in the forest every day for the family fire , so one day the daemon collected some and put it in front of their cottage . They were surprised when they saw the pile of wood , but thanks to this , they could do other things , like cultivating the garden . The monster remained in his hovel and continued to look after them . He noticed that they communicated in a way that he couldn 't understand . They used sounds and pronounced them quickly . Soon he learned some words and the names of the cottagers ( father , Agatha and Felix ) , knew their meaning and could pronounce them . Felix , the man , was the saddest and the one who suffered the most . Felix was a busy man , he had to maintain the family , helped by Agatha . He got up early in the morning , worked in the garden , collected wood etc . , and often he went away for a long time , maybe he worked for a farmer in the proximity . However , the monster continued to learn new words and wanted to have a good command of their language , because he desired to show himself to the cottagers , but he knew exactly how ugly and terrifying he was , because he saw his reflection in the little pool , that the family possessed . Then finally , it became warmer and the family was busier , but had this time , always enough food , also in the garden the plants grew much more . The monster 's life instead , was more uniform : during the day he observed his " friChapter 5 : It was spring and during one of those warm days , the cottagers took a rest sometimes . However Felix 's pain and grief already tortured him . One day a lady and a countryman ( her guide ) knocked on the door of the cottage and she asked after Felix , who appeared shortly after . It was a beautiful lady and Felix was really happy when he saw her , he forgot every pain . Then she entered in the cottage and the monster soon understood , that she had an own language and was an Arabian . They couldn 't understand each other , but it seemed that Agatha tried to tell her by signs , that Felix was worried and in pain until she came . Apart from this , the Arabian learned twenty new words of the cottagers ' language , probably she wanted to learn their language and the monster profited by this . Safie was the stranger 's name . The days passed and the only thing that changed was the fact that the family wasn 't in sorrow anymore , and thanks to them , the monster and Safie learned many words and could understand them better when they spoke . It became warmer , it was summer , and the monster couldn 't go outside for too long because even the night became shorter during that season . He continued to learn and improve in the language , but not just that , he also started studying the letters , in order to know how to read . Thanks to a book , the deamon discovered about other nations and their culture and history , and also about religions , kings , empires etc . He heard then about the human being and started thinking about himself , because he wasn 't like them and even didn 't resemble them . People fled from him : he was bigger , ugly and different , was he a monster ? This made him sad and he felt lonely . He didn 't want to feel that pain , but he knew that the only way to let that end , was to die and he was scared by death , he liked instead the lovely manners of the family , but he wasn 't part of it , and that hurt . He had no friends , no relationships , no parents , and again he asked himself who and what he was . Some time after , the monster started to know about the history of the cottagers . The old man 's name was De Lacey and he descenced from a good family in France and a little time before the arrival of the monster , they lived in Paris , had friends and they had more than enough of everything they needed , even a moderate fortune . Also Safie 's father , who was a merchant had lived for many years in Paris , but he became intollerable for the government , so they condemned him to death , but all this was unfair and Felix had heard about that . He found an unguarded part of the prison , in which Safie 's father was , and saw the poor Turk . Felix wanted to help him to escape and the Mohometan told him that he would offer him rewards and wealth . Then , Felix saw his daughter Safie , who came from Costantinople to visit his father in prison , and the Turk , noticing that Felix liked the girl , promised him to give him her hand in marriage . In the meantime , Felix received letters from Safie , who thanked him very much for his help . An old man helped her to write the letters , because she didn 't know French . In her letters she spoke also about her mother , who was a Christian Arab and was first treated badly by the Turks , but then she married the father of Safie and everything went better . She too enjoyed the fact that by marrying a Christian she could have a rank in society . Felix saved Safie 's father and the girl too , they all fled from Paris to Lyon and then to Leghorn . There , the merchant wanted to wait for the right moment to pass into the Turkish dominions . In the meantime they conversed through signs and looks and Safie 's father promised him again to give him the hand of his daughter in marriage , but he didn 't want to do that really . He had other plans , because he didn 't like the idea to let her marry a Christian , but he even could not betray him , because they would find him and imprison him . So , he decided that he would take his daughter with him , when he would flee and go away . The French government searched Felix andChapter 7 : One night , during August , the moster was searching food and collecting wood as usually , but this time he found a portmanteau with some books inside : Paradise Lost , a volume of Plutarch 't Lives and the Sorrow of Werter . He was surprised and happy when he found that and he passed his time in the hovel by reading this books , while the cottagers were working in their garden . Sorrow of Werter was a simple story , but it was a book full of feelings and sentiments and sometimes the monster thought that Werter 's feelings were similar to his emotions . By reading that book , he started thinking about his own condition and situation , and about himself . He often asked himself who he was , but he could never find an answer . Paradise Lost was the third book and also in this case , like in Werter 's Sorrow , the monster felt like Adam , who had no connection to other beings , but their situations were different , the monster 's one was the most terrible . He also found some papers in the pocket of Victor 's coat , that he had taken from his laboratory , before he left it . He could read them , because he learned the letters and discovered that it was in the description of Victor 's project , and so the monster 's creation . Even Satan wasn 't alone , he had his companions , but the monster had no one and was ugly and lonely . He envyed the cottagers , and wanted to talk with them in order to obtain and have some friends and maybe they would even accept him ; but first he decided to wait for some other months . These were his thoughts . The cottagers became happy and stopped working so hard , they were also helped by some servants . They passed more time by talking with each other and by relaxing , but at the same time the monster became unhappy and sad , and every time more so when he saw his reflection in the the pool or his shadow . Sometimes he imagined to have friends , but he knew exactly that he had no friends and that he was just a miserable and lonely creature . Adam , in the book Paradise Lost , had God , his Creator , and he had not even Victor . Autumn came , but the joy and the happiness didn 't vanish in the little cottage and everything was and continued to be like before . Then , the winter came and he started to create and fix a plan of how he should show himself to the cottagers and decided that he should enter the cottage when the old blind man , De Lacey , was alone . At least he wouldn 't see him and flee from him . One day Agatha , Felix and Safie went outside on a country walk and the monster knocked on the door and told the old man that he was a traveller . The monster told him that he desired to have some friends and explained him his situation , but he didn 't tell him that the friends , which he seeked were they . De Lacey helped and consoled the monster , who only told him that the friends that he wanted to have was his family , when his children and Safie returned . He told the old man to help and protect him , but Felix already strucked him with a stick and the monster fled . The family was terrified . After that horrible event , the monster quitted his hovel at night and was angry , he walked in the forest and destroyed every obstacle that was in front of him . He started to hate that species : the human being , there were enemies . No one wanted him , they just isolated and injured him . But he hated one person particurlarly : his creator Victor . Fortunately he calmed himself and thought about visiting the old man again , in order to tell him that he wasn 't dangerous . He slept in the afternoon , but when he awoke it was night , so he decided to search some food . He waited until the morning , because he had the intention to visit De Lacey , but when he approached to the cottage it was dark inside and no one were there . After some time two men appeared and stopped in front of the cottage and soon after Felix appeared , in company with another man . He discovered by their conversation that Felix and his family would leave the cottage and the monster never saw any of the cottagers again . He still thought about the family and remembered how kind they had been , but then thinking about their " meeting " , he became angry and so he started to destroy everything he found around him . Towards night he put some wood and combustibles around the cottage and inflamed them . The cottage burned down and in the meantime he devastated the garden . Afterwards he searched a refuge in the forest and thought again about his creator Victor , he wanted to reach him and remembered that Victor talked about Geneva , where he was born , so he decided to search that town , even if he didn 't know how , because he had not studied geography . The monster was furious with his creator , but Victor was the only man who could help him . He travelled for a long time and only at night , because of the humans , but slowly he came nearer . The monster wasn 't benevolent anymore , he was evil and wanted to revenge himself . But , the arrival of spring and the sun , which shone and warmed up the earth , pleased him and emotions of happiness and gentleness returned . He stopped onThe man was really ungrateful and this made the monster evil again , all his kindness and gentleness vanished . He was suffering very much , because of the wound at his shoulder and he had to pass some time in the forest to cure his injury . The wound healed and he finally reached Geneva . He hid in one of the fields in the area and in the evening a child passed . He thought that the boy maybe would not be scared , because he was an unprejudiced creature . So he quitted his hiding - place , but the little boy started to scream when he saw him . The monster discovered , during a short conversation with him , that Victor Frankenstein was his brother and so he thought that it could be a good revenge and he killed the child . The child had a photo of his mother in his pocket and the daemon took it . He left the place where he killed the boy and entered a barn . There was a woman sleeping on the straw , she moved a little and the monster was shocked . If she awoke , she would denounce him , so he put the photo in one of the folds of her dress , she should suffer ! Then he fled . The monster finished his tale , but Victor didn 't say anything , so he continued . He said that Victor should create another one like him , a female . Victor refused and told him that no torture could ever let him change idea , he would never consent . The monster insisted and told him that he would destroy him and desolate his heart , but then he calmed down . He started to beg for another creature like him . This was the only thing he could ask for and at the same time the only thing he could receive . Their life would not be happy or fantastic , but at least he would not be alone in that misery . Victor started to reflect and thought about the consequences by the creation of another monster , but maybe the gigant was right and should have a companion . The monster continued and promised him , that if he created the female monster , human beings would never ever see them again , they would go away and live in the wilds in South Africa . Victor thought about it and said that the monster would return , because his evil passions would never vanish and this time he would have another companion , who would help him destroy and kill the humans , without mercy . Victor didn 't know what to think , he was moved , but at the same time , he was disgusted . He thought for a long time and at the end he consented , but the monster had to swear that he would leave Europe and every other neighbourhood of man forever . The monster swore and told him that he would return as soon as he would finish his work and then he disappeared . Victor started to return to Chamounix , and he arrived on the following morning . He didn 't remain there to take a rest , but immediately went back to Geneva , conscious that he had to create another horrible being . Victor was back in Geneva , but he didn 't start immediately with his work . It would take him once more , months to create a female monster and he had no courage to begin with it . However he felt better and restored completely . Even his father noticed that and was pleased by this . Victor still went sometimes by boat on the lake and when he returned one day , his father told him that he wanted to speak with him . Alphonse told him that he may had undestood the cause of Victor 's deep pain that he felt particularly some time before , and at those words Victor was shocked and continued to listen to his father . Alphonse always hoped in a marriage between Victor and Elizabeth and also Victor 's dead mother had wished it , but in that period Alphonse doubted . He thought that Victor maybe loved another woman and that this was the cause of his sorrow , but Victor explained that he loved Elizabeth and no one else . At this point Alphonse talked about an immediate marriage , because he thought that an early union wouldn 't influence Victor 's plans for the future . But this could not happen , Victor could not marry Elizabeth , while having thoughts about his work in his mind and there was also the fact that he had the intention to travel to England , in order to meet the philosophers , who had done some discoveries connected to his project . Apart from this , during his occupation he would isolate himself , so the marriage could not take place . Victor informed his father about his journey to England , but didn 't tell him why he was going there . Alphonse accepted and hoped that this journey would help him recover entirely , but he asked Henry Clerval to accompany him and as soon as he would return , there would be the union between Victor and Elizabeth . So , towards the end of August he departed with his chemical instruments and also this time it was hard to leave his family . In Strasburgh he met Clerval , who was enjoyed by the journey and noticed that Victor wasn 't as happy as he was . So , they finally started their voyage and even Victor , who was depressed , liked and admired the beautiful nature , the hills , the castles etc . , that they saw during their travel . Henry was excited and very very pleased , he had seen many landscapes , but that one was the most beautiful for him . They soon arrived at Rotterdam , where they continued their travel towards England by sea . So , they arrived in London in October and decided to remain for many months . Immediately Victor wrote some letters to the philosophers , who did discoveries , in order to receive the information that he needed . He also began to collect the material for his creation and it was a torture for him . While they were in London , they also received a letter from a Scots - man , who once visited them in Geneva . He invited them to come and to visit the place where he lived . Both , Victor and Henry desired to accept the invitation , because they missed the nature with it 's beautiful mountains and streams . It was February and they decided to travel towards the north . Their first stop was Windsor , where they admired the fantastic forests . Then they arrived in Oxford , there they noticed that the colleges were ancient , the streets were particular , and there was also the river Isis , surrounded by towers , domes , spires , etc . These beautiful places pleased him , but at the same time he couldn 't forget what happened and what would probably happen in the future . They stayed in Oxford for a long time and proceeded then at last to Matlock . From Matlock they arrived in Cumberland and Westmorland and remained there for two months . Clerval was delighted and said that he would like to live there , he loved the mountains and the views . Then they had the meeting with the Scots - man so they had to pack again their things , clothes and chemical instruments . Everything was as usual , but sometimes Victor doubted and was scared by the thought that maybe the monster was killing his family or that he maybe was following him and his friend Henry , ready to attack and kill him . It was a torment for Victor , but he couldn 't do or change anything . So , when a letter from his father Alphonse or Elizabeth arrived he was relieved , but also feared every time that maybe there would be bad news for him written in the letters . They visited Edinburgh and remained for a week and Henry didn 't like it as much as he liked Oxford , and Victor , instead , just wanted to finish his work and return home . He then informed Henry , that he prefered to do the journey in Scotland alone and his friend told him to write him sometimes . Victor decided to search a smooth and quiet region , in order to finish his work , so he went to one of the most remote islands of the Orkneys . It was a suitable place and there were just a few inhabitants . On the island there were just three huts and he found a free one , it wasn 't in good conditions , but Victor decided to remain there . There he continued his work : there were times in which he just couldn 't continue and even not enter the laboratory , and there were times in which he worked day and night , however his fear never vanished . He always feared to see the monster and was disgusted and scared by his occupation . The moon came out , it was late and Victor suddenly saw the monster in front of him smiling by seeing Victor 's creation . So , the monster had followed him all the time and was now there to see Victor 's creation . Victor was confused and scared at the same time , he started to destroy the inanimate creature and the monster , who was surprised and at the same time angry , went away . Hours passed and Victor , who had left the laboratory and was now in his room , was looking at the sea , where fishermen were fishing . Then he heard some noises : it was the monster and he was coming inside and asked him if he was breaking his promise and destroying the monster 's hopes . And indeed Victor was breaking the promise and was determinated to not ever create another monster . The daemon insisted , but Victor was sure about his decision . The monster warned him and told him that he would revenge himself , makeVictor 's life miserable and then at the end kill him . Victor cried that night , he thought about his family and Elizabeth and about how hard it would be . The night passed and the poor man was in despoir , because he thought about his family , that would die in front of his eyes and he was the cause . He didn 't sleep and the following morning he slept a little on the grass outside , even if the words and the voice of the monster were still in his head . When he awoke , he felt better , then he ate something and afterwards a fisherman brought him some letters from Geneva and from Clerval . His friend told him to return , because he was wasting time where he was and that friends from London asked him to come to talk about a vogaye towards India , which he would like to do . So , he told Victor to return in order to travel together towards the south . Victor started to pack his things and washed and cleaned his chemical instruments , and threw the rests of the inanimate female monster in the sea at night . He liked the atmosphere on the water in that little boat and decided to remain a little , but fell asleep and when he awoke the following morniChapter 4 : So , with other men , Victor went to the magistrate and one of them told , that he and his companions had found the dead man on the coast . He told that the man had not been drowned , because the corpse wasn 't wet when they found it , and apart from this , there were marks of fingers on his neck . They also tried to reanimate him , but he was already dead and they couldn 't save him . The father of the man confirmed his deposition . Another man said that he saw a man in a boat that night and it was the same boat by which Victor had arrived . Other people deposed and some suspected him and at the end the magistrate Mr . Kirwin took him into the room where the corpse was lying . It was Henry 's corpse . Victor became very ill and had a fever , he had feelings of guilt and felt like a murderer , because in fact , it was his fault . The magistrate sent him to prison , where he was cured in the meantime by a nurse . For some time , he didn 't understand if all that was just a bad dream or if it was reality , but he soon realized that unfortunately it was reality . Despite this , the magistrate was kind and procured him the best chamber of the prison , and he was the one who called a nurse and a physician for him . Sometimes the magistrate came to visit him , but his visits were always short . One day Mr . Kirwin entered the prison chamber and told him that he had written to his family , thanks to some of Victor 's letters that he had found , and told him that his father was coming to visit him , this pleased and made Victor very happy . Some time later Alphonse entered and Victor asked him immediately if his family and Elizabeth were healthy and alive . The father calmed him and thanks to his arrival and regular visits , even if short , Victor recovered , but his sadness and desperation never vanished . Clerval , Justine and William were always in his head and in this way he passed his time in prison . Three months passed and even if he recovered , Victor was still weak . Mr . Kirwin wanted to help and take him out of prison , because he thought he was innocent , he called and collected witnesses and finally after some time , Victor left the prison . He wasn 't happy or pleased , his life was horrible and his feelings always tormented him . The thoughts about the death of three people because of him , made him feel lost . Yet he was free and could return in his native country and sometimes , when he thought , for example about his deer cousin Elizabeth , he felt a little better , but this happened rarely . At the end , they departed and one night , when he was lying on the deck and looking at the stars , he remembered everything that he had done in his life , and all seemed so far and unrealistic , like a dream . There were Geneva , the death of his mother , Clerval , his departure for Ingolstadt , his project and the monster in his head . Obviously his father didn 't know the cause of his desperation and sorrow and he was worried . Victor felt as if he had no right to have any contacts with other people and he didn 't want to take part of the society . He also often told his father that he was the murderer and so the cause of the death of them , his father wanted explanations , but Victor suffered in silence and never told him anything . His father thought , that maybe it was because of his illness , that his son imagined and became mad , but Victor insisted and continued to say that he was the real assassin . His father was convinced by his theory and didn 't mentioned that topic anymore . Slowly Victor became calmer and his manners changed . Then a letter from Elizabeth arrived , fortunately in time , before they left Paris . Elizabeth worried about the health of his poor cousin and wished to see him soon . She told him that she wanted to talk to him as soon as he returned to Geneva in Switzerland , because she wanted to talk about their marriage and future together . She told him in her letter that she loved him , but that at the same time she wanted him to be happy and that she didn 't want to oblige him to marry her , if he didn 't love her and if his feelings weren 't the same as Elizabeth 's . She told him all that , because she suspected that he maybe loved another woman , indeed he travelled a lot and met people . At the end of the letter Elizabeth told him not to worry and that he had not to answer the letter . At that point Victor remembered the moment in which the monster told him " I 'll be with you on your wedding - night ! " He read the letter again and answered . He told her not to worry and that he had just one secret , that he would confide her the day after their marriage . Then , a week later , they returned to Geneva and Victor 's family was glad to see him . There were already moments in which memories and thoughts returned and tormented him , only Elizabeth was able to calm him with her sweet voice and gentleness . They again talked about the marriage between Victor and his cousin : Alphonse asked him another time if he was sure , but Victor was sure and they fixed their union for tens days later . So , they started to prepare themselves for the marriage and the poor Victor was persecuted by the usual feelings . When he thought about the phrase " I shall be with you on your wedding - night " , he always thought that the monster had the intention to kill him , but then he thought about Elizabeth and feared her death . However he tried to seem happy and joyful for his father and his beloved cousin . He had feelings of guilt when Elizabeth talked about their union without being scared or worried , because she didn 't know anything and didn 't expect another misfortune . They would pass the first days after their union at Villa Lavenza near a lake . The day of the marriage approached and Victor was always armed , while Elizabeth was happy except the day of their union , probably she thought about the secret that Victor would reveal her the day after or maybe she feared even a misfortune . No one knew it . So , after the ceremony they departed on an ship . They both tried to distract themselves from their bad thoughts by looking and admiring the wonderful nature around them . They arrived at eight o ' clock , soon the moon came out and everything was obscured by the night . Victor was really agitated and unhappy , and his wife noticed it , she asked him what was happening , but Victor just told her that it would be a dreadful night . He told her to retire and she did . In the meantime he observed the nature around him and controlled the house , but the monster wasn 't anywhere . Suddenly his wife screamed and he , shocked , ran inside and went into her room . He found Elizabeth lifeless on her bed and saw the marks of the fingers of the murderer on her neck , Victor fell on the ground , senseless . When he awoke , there were people around him and his inanimated wife was still there . The day passed and it became dark again , Victor looked at the moon and soon the monster was at his window , smiling . He took out his gun and fired , but the monster just laughed and went away . People entered the room and he told them that he saw the murderer , so , they started to search him , but didn 't find him . They decided to continue their search in the country and Victor wanted to help them , but was too weak . The monster murdered William , Clerval , Elizabeth and caused the death of Justine , now probably , the next victim would be his father or his brother Ernest . He packed his things and wanted to return to Geneva as soon as possible . He went there by boat and when he arrived fortunately his father and Ernest were alive and safe . He informed them about Elizabeth 's death , and it was horrible news for his father , because Elizabeth wasn 't just one of his children , she had been more that a daughter for him and he couldn 't live with that misfortune . He was an old man , weak and wretchted . That pain didn 't make his life possible and he died a few days later in Victor 's arms . Months passed . Victor was a free man , but even if he was free he felt as if he was in prison . He had to do something , he couldn 't continue this way , so he went to a magistrate , because he wanted to accuse the monster . He started to tell his stoChapter 7 : Finally he decided to follow the monster and started to search clues . He didn 't know where to go , because he didn 't find anything . So , at the end , after searching around the town , he went to the cementary and approached the tombs . Victor prayed the spirits to help him during his revenge and his search . In that moment , the monster appeared and laughed . From that moment he started to pursue him , but Victor lost him . The months passed and the monster continued to leave him clues to guide him and also the peasants helped him when they saw the daemon . It wasn 't easy , but it was as if the spirits were aiding him , because he did not have always food or water , even if he had money it wouldn 't be easier , because the monster never approached at places where humans lived . There were times in which he just desired to kill the monster and times in which it was a torture and he waited for the night , because it was the only moment during the whole day in which he could forget everything and repose his soul from horrible thoughts . He dreamed about his family and his dear friend Henry during the night and the dream seemed so real . However Victor never stopped his seek and slowly , they proceeded towards the north : it became colder and the ice thicker . The man was used to warmer and milder climates , it was hard to survive . He procured himself a sledge and some food and continued his search . The monster had a sledge and food too , because the armed monster had taken some food from a family and put it on a sledge with dogs . Victor was desperate and a little hopeless : he had lost his enemy , but then his courage and want of revenge fortunately returned . The time passed and slowly the ice began to melt and it became dangerous . He had no food anymore and some dogs died , he had passed about three weeks there outside . Then Victor saw his enemy , he was suprised and happy at the same time . He gave his dogs something to eat , rested for an hour and departed towards the direction of the monster . But then , the ice broke and the sea divided and separated them , the dogs died and he remained alone . Fortunately Victor noticed the vessel and reached Robert and his men . Walton wrote a letter to his sister Margaret and described her how Victor told his story : his voice sometimes broke and sometimes he stopped telling , because it was hard to explain what happened to him . His story was strange and unusual , but Victor showed him the letters between Felix and Safie , and Robert , together with his companions , saw also a gigant figure with a sledge , so this proved that his story had to be true . Sometimes Robert asked Victor to describe the monster , but his friend never answered and didn 't want to talk about that . It was the strangest tale that Robert had ever heard and it attracted him : Victor had his own manners and a nice and gentle character . Robert told his sister that their conversation had not just been about his story or his misfortunes , but also about literature for example , and Victor demonstrated his big knowledge , and during these moments , Robert thought of how excellent his guest had been in the past , when he was a young man . In his letter he also explained his sister that he was worried , he had strongly desired a friend , and now maybe Victor would leave him and his companions in order to go and kill his enemy . He explained how he proposed his guest to help him , but Victor just refused and told him that no one could ever replace his dear family , or his wife , or his friend . There were always in his head and he couldn 't just forget them . However he thanked him . Victor had already a task to do and it consisted in killing the monster . Walton wrote another letter to his sister . Robert missed Margaret and England . There was just ice around him and there were moments in which he feared an accident and he thought about the fact that he would be the cause of the death of his sailors . Then he thought about Margaret , who was surely worried and who would be desperate if an accident happened . However Victor was a wonderful person and he was able to calm and divert him , fortunately not just him , but he was also able to encourage the sailors . It was September 5th when Robert wrote his third letter . The landscape was obviously always the same : mountains of ice surrounded them . That day , they were immured in ice and about six people asked if they could enter Robert 's cabin . The sailors entered and asked him to promise that if the ice whould dissipate , they would change route and go towards the south and return home . They were scared and feared a bigger accident . First Robert didn 't know what to say and he decided and his friend didn 't say anything , but then Victor turned to the men and held a long and intelligent speech . He explained that they were there to be benefactors and heroes , that they couldn 't just leave the expedition and return to their families . These were just a few of the things that he mentioned in his speech . At the end they were speechless and they looked at each other without saying anything and retired . Robert was returning to England with his companions and he had lost his dear friend Victor . He told his sister how the ice moved on September 9th , but Robert 's attention wasn 't attracted by this in that moment , but by Victor 's health which became worse and he had to stay in bed . So , the ice broke behind the vessel and the sailors were very happy and full of joy . Victor , who was in bed , heard them shouting and asked Robert what was happening . Robert explained him that they would return to England and at this point , Victor stood up and told him that he wouldn 't come with them , because he had to kill the monster . He was too weak and fell senseless on the ground . Fortunately he felt a little better after , but he spoke with difficulty and the surgeon told Robert that he was weak and would die . So , Robert entered the cabin and listened to him , because Victor had to ask him a favour . Robert sat on his bed and listened carefully . Victor started and told him that he was dying and that his enemy was still there outside in the meantime . He couldn 't accept that , because he desired and it was his task to kill him , in order to revenge his family . He was conscious about the fact that he was the one who had created the monster and that it had been his duty to make him happy , but his family was more important and so he refused to make him happy , but he knew in that moment that he had taken the right decision . An evil creature like him had not deserved any kind of joy or happiness . After explaining this , the man asked Robert to kill the monster if he would see him . After not so much time , he died . Robert , by hearing this , wasn 't moved and had no compassion for him . The monster continued and told him about how benevolent and harmless he had been in the past and about how he had wished to be loved by the human beings or by someone like him , but all these feelings and desires had changend . He suffered alone , and all this just because he was different and ugly . Because of this he became totally someone else , a criminal . And the monster was conscious about this , he killed the ones who had not injured him , the helpless ones , that had not even known about his existence . She had an older half - sister called Fanny Imlay and was the daughter of William Godwin , who was a political philosopher and Mary Wollstonecraft , a feminist . Unfortunately Mary 's mother died soon after her birth . Her father married Mary Jane Clairmont ( 1801 ) , who had other two children , and had a son with her later . Mary never had a formal education , and so she studied on her own with the books of her father 's library and she loved to write stories . Mary and her family passed one summer in Switzerland and during rainy days , they entertained themselves by reading horror stories . It was during this summer , that Shelley started to work on her famous book " Frankenstein " , thanks to a horrible nightmare that she had . She told her friends the story , inspired by her nightmare , and then she wrote it down . A year later her half - sister and Persy 's wife , Harriet , killed herself . So , Mary and Percy married during the winter of the year 1816 . In those years , Mary published " History of a Six Weeks Tour " and " Frankenstein , or , the modern Prometheus " , which was and is actually a success . Mary Shelley and her husband had many children , but they all died very young and the only one who survived , was Percy Florence . She suffered a lot in her life : her half - sister committed suicide , her children died and her husband drowned in 1822 , when she was just 24 years old . Other novels written by her are : " Falkner " , " Lodore " , " The fortunes of Perkin Warbeck " , " Keepsake " and " Westminster Review " . Everyone knows Frankenstein , the man : Victor who created a monster , it is a very famous book . By reading it I realized that I didn 't know anything about the story and when I first started reading it , I asked myself if I was reading the right book . I didn 't know the detais and I think a lot of people don 't know them , either . I didn 't expect , for example , the letters from Robert at the beginning of the book . I 'm glad that I read it , because Mary Shelley and in general all her novels are famous and she was a great English author . I think everyone should read it . I usually don 't read horror stories , and the book didn 't frighten me , but it caught my attention , especially when I read about Victor 's reflections and thoughts . The description of his sorrow conveyed and explained his situation perfectly . I could imagine what Victor was feeling . It it a sad book full of desperation , pain and preoccupation ; joy and happiness don 't last very long . However , I like the way it is written , even if I had problems at the beginning and couldn 't understand it very well . I like the structure of the book , too . It starts with the end of Victor 's " adventure " and life and consists in a narrative by him . This kind of story is epistolary , because Robert Walton tells Victor 's entire story by letters , that he writes to Margaret . The structure of it is like a Chinese box : a story within a story . There is Walton 's narration to his sister , Frankenstein 's narration to Walton and the monster 's narration to Frankenstein . Celine Lantschner on Mary Shelley 's Frankenstein This entry was posted in Celine Lantschner , Essay , Frankenstein , Mary Shelley and tagged Celine Lantschner , Essay , Frankenstein , Mary Shelley . Bookmark the permalink . One thought on " Celine Lantschner on Mary Shelley 's Frankenstein " Evamaria Mayr says : November 6 , 2015 at 9 : 55 am Very nice ! |
I AM WEAK IN MY SUBJECTS . SO , IF ANY SENIORS PLZ TELL ME WAT KIND OF PREPARATION SHOULD I DO ? ? ans - dnt u wry . . u jus ve to b th . . . Well . . This is the info gathered again from some blog . . I wish its useful to you guys . . Mumbai in the views of Mr . Shri : Guys dis thread . . . Listen to this if you don 't want to read . Hey there , So you broke up ! Are you facing the same bunch of questions like , How . . . Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods . They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said , " Someday I hope to be a treasure chest . I could be filled with gold , silver and precious gems . I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty . " Then the second tree said , " Someday I will be a mighty ship . I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world . Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull . " Finally the third tree said , " I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest . People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches , and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching . I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me . " After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true , a group of woodsmen came upon the trees . When one came to the first tree he said , " This looks like a strong tree , I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter " . . . and he began cutting it down . The tree was happy , because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest . At the second tree a woodsman said , " This looks like a strong tree , I should be able to sell it to the shipyard . " The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship . When the woodsmen came upon the third tree , the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true . One of the woodsmen said , " I don 't need anything special from my tree so I 'll take this one " , and he cut it down . When the first tree arrived at the carpenters , he was made into a feed box for animals . He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay . This was not at all what he had prayed for . The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat . His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end . The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark . The years went by , and the tThe Making Of A Mother By the time the Lord made mothers , He was into the sixth day working overtime . An Angel appeared and said " Why are you spending so much time on this one ? " And the Lord answered and said , " Have you read the spec sheet on her ? She has to be completely washable , but not elastic ; have 200 movable parts , all replaceable ; run on black coffee and leftovers ; have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up ; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart ; and have six pairs of hands . " The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one . " Six pairs of hands ! No way ! " said the Angel . The Lord replied , " Oh , it 's not the hands that are the problem . It 's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have ! " " And that 's on the standard model ? " the Angel asked . The Lord nodded in agreement , " Yep , one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows . Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can . And the third pair are here in the front of her head . They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word . " The Angel tried to stop the Lord " This is too much work for one day . Wait until tomorrow to finish . " " But I can 't ! " The Lord protested , " I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart . She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower . " The Angel moved closer and touched the woman , " But you have made her so soft , Lord . " " She is soft , " the Lord agreed , " but I have also made her tough . You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish . " " Will she be able to think ? " asked the Angel . The Lord replied , " Not only will she be able to think , she will be able to reason , and negotiate . " The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman 's cWait For The Brick A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street , going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar . He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something . As his car passed , no children appeared . Instead , a brick smashed into the Jag 's side door ! He slammed on the brakes and drove the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown . The angry driver then jumped out of the car , grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car , shouting , " What was that all about and who are you ? Just what the heck are you doing ? That 's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money . Why did you do it ? " The young boy was apologetic . " Please mister . . . please , I 'm sorry . . . I didn 't know what else to do , " he pleaded . " I threw the brick because no one else would stop . . . " With tears dripping down his face and off his chin , the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car . " It 's my brother , " he said . " He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can 't lift him up . " Now sobbing , the boy asked the stunned executive , " Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair ? He 's hurt and he 's too heavy for me . " Moved beyond words , the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat . He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair , then took out his fancy handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts . A quick look told him everything was going to be okay . " Thank you and may God bless you , " the grateful child told the stranger . Too shook up for words , the man simply watched the little boy push his wheelchair - bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home . It was a long , slow walk back to the Jaguar . The damage was very noticeable , but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door . He kept the dent there to remind him of this message : Don 't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention ! God whispers in our souls and speaks to our heBuilding Your House An elderly carpenter was ready to retire . He told his employer - contractor of his plans to leave the house - building business to live a more leisurely life with his wife and enjoy his extended family . He would miss the paycheck each week , but he wanted to retire . They could get by . The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go & asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor . The carpenter said yes , but over time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work . He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials . It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career . When the carpenter finished his work , his employer came to inspect the house . Then he handed the front - door key to the carpenter and said , " This is your house . . . my gift to you . " The carpenter was shocked ! What a shame ! If he had only known he was building his own house , he would have done it all so differently . So it is with us . We build our lives , a day at a time , often putting less than our best into the building . Then , with a shock , we realize we have to live in the house we have built . If we could do it over , we would do it much differently . But , you cannot go back . You are the carpenter , and every day you hammer a nail , place a board , or erect a wall . Someone once said , " Life is a do - it - yourself project . " Your attitude , and the choices you make today , help build the " house " you will live in tomorrow . Therefore , Build wisely ! My mom only had one eye . I hated her … she was such an embarrassment . My mom ran a small shop at a flea market . She collected little weeds and such to sell … anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment . There was this one day during elementary school . I remember that it was field day , and my mom came . I was so embarrassed . How could she do this to me ? I threw her a hateful look and ran out . The next day at school … " Your mom only has one eye ? ! " and they taunted me . I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom , " Mom , why don 't you have the other eye ? ! You 're only going to make me a laughingstock . Why don 't you just die ? " My mom did not respond . I guess I felt a little bad , but at the same time , it felt good to think that I had said what I 'd wanted to say all this time . Maybe it was because my mom hadn 't punished me , but I didn 't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly . That night … I woke up , and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water . My mom was crying there , so quietly , as if she was afraid that she might wake me . I took a look at her , and then turned away . Because of the thing I had said to her earlier , there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart . Even so , I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye . So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful , because I hated my one - eyed mom and our desperate poverty . Then I studied really hard . I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied , and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had . Then , I got married . I bought a house of my own . Then I had kids , too . Now I 'm living happily as a successful man . I like it here because it 's a place that doesn 't remind me of my mom . This happiness was getting bigger and bigger , when someone unexpected came to see me " What ? ! Who 's this ? ! " It was my mother … Still with her one eye . It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me . My little girl ran away , scared of my mom 's eye . Gift from Daughter The story goes that some time ago , a man punished his 3 - year - old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper . Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree . Nevertheless , the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said , " This is for you , Daddy . " The man was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction , but his anger flared again when he found out the box was empty . He yelled at her , stating , " Don 't you know , when you give someone a present , there is supposed to be something inside ? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and cried , " Oh , Daddy , it 's not empty at all . I blew kisses into the box . They 're all for you , Daddy . " The father was crushed . He put his arms around his little girl , and he begged for her forgiveness . Only a short time later , an accident took the life of the child . It is also told that her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years and , whenever he was discouraged , he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there . A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert . During some point of the journey they had an argument , and one friend slapped the other one in the face . The one who got slapped was hurt , but without saying anything , wrote in the sand " Today my best friend slapped me in the face " . They kept on walking until they found an oasis , where they decided to take a bath . The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning , but the friend saved him . After he recovered from the near drowning , he wrote on a stone " Today my best friend saved my life " . The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him , " After I hurt you , you wrote in the sand and now , you write on a stone , why ? " The other friend replied " When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away . But , when someone does something good for us , we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it . " Once there was a king named Mallik . He was a very brave , kind and powerful king . He was loved by his subjects and also by his courtiers . One day a thought came to the mind of the King , " Am I really so great that there is no defect in me ? How should I find it out ? " " Do my people praise me because they could not criticize me at my face ? The truth can be known when one hears the true opinion of the people . This can happen only if I am not recognized . People will not afraid to give their true opinion . " The King called his charioteer . He told him that he wanted to go on a tour , he would take only the charioteer with him . The king , with his charioteer , traveled far and wide in his kingdom . Wherever he went , he asked the people what they felt about their King Mallik ? Everywhere people , without knowing that they were talking to the king himself , praised King Mallik as great and noble king . One day while he was traveling , his chariot came to a narrow bridge . Only one chariot could move over it at one time . Now , the usual practice of those days was that a lower ranking gave the way to a higher ranking man . Just when King Mallik 's chariot reached one end of the bridge , another chariot came to the other end of the bridge which had to come this side . Who was to cross first ? The charioteer from this side said , " My friend , le me cross first . The great King Mallik is in my chariot . " The other charioteer replied , " If your master is a great king , then my master , the great King Brahmadatta of Kashi is greater . It is you who will have to make way for him . " What was to be done ? Then one of the kings suggested that since both of them were kings , their superiority could be decided on the basis of age and the size of their kingdoms . Most surprisingly , it turned out that both the kings were equal in age and the size of their kingdoms . How to decide who was superior ? Both the kings started thinking . After much thought King Brahmadatta said , " The greatness of a person is determined by his qualities . You tell me about your qualities to prove Big Rocks Of Life One day , an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and , to drive home a point , used an illustration those students will never forget . As he stood in front of the group of high - powered overachievers he said , Okay , time for a quiz , and he pulled out a one - gallon , wide - mouth Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him . He also produced about a dozen fist - sized rocks and carefully placed them , one at a time , into the jar . When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside , he asked , is this jar fullEveryone in the class yelled , Yes . The time management expert replied , ReallyHe reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel . He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks . He then asked the group once more , Is the jar fullBy this time the class was on to him . Probably not , one of them answered . Good ! he replied . He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand . He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel . Once more he asked the question , Is this jar fullNo ! the class shouted . Once again he said , Good . Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim . He looked at the class and asked , What is the point of this illustrationOne eager beaver raised his hand and said , The point is , no matter how full your schedule is , if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it ! No , the speaker replied , that 's not the point . The truth is , this illustration teaches us that if you don 't put the big rocks in first , you 'll never get them in at all . What are the ' big rocks ' in your life , time with your loved ones , your faith , your education , your dreams , a worthy cause , teaching or mentoring others Remember to put these ' big rocks ' in first or you 'll never get them in at all . So , tonight , or in the morning , when you are reflecting on this short story , ask yourselfSelf Appraisal A little boy went into a drug store , reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone . He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits ( phone numbers ) . The store - owner observed and listened to the conversation : Boy : " Lady , Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn ? Woman : ( at the other end of the phone line ) : " I already have someone to cut my lawn . " Boy : " Lady , I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now . " Woman : I 'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn . Boy : ( with more perseverance ) : " Lady , I 'll even sweepyour curb and your sidewalk , so on Sunday you willhave the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida . . " Woman : No , thank you . With a smile on his face , the little boy replaced the receiver . The store - owner , who was listening to all this , walked over to the boy . Store Owner : " Son . . . I like your attitude ; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job . " Boy : " No thanks , Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one . Boy : No Sir , I was just checking my performance at thejob I already have . I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to ! " This is what we call " Self Appraisal " The professor of a university once challenged his students with this question . ' Did God create everything that exists ? ' A student answered bravely , ' Yes , He did ' . The professor then asked , ' If God created everything , then He created evil . Since evil exists ( as noticed by our own actions ) , so God is evil . The student could not respond to that statement causing the professor to conclude that he had ' proved ' that the belief in God was a fairy tale , and therefore worthless . Another student raised his hand and asked the professor , ' May I pose a question ? ' ' Of course ' , answered the professor . The young student stood up and asked , ' Professor does cold exist ? ' The professor answered , ' What kind of question is that ? Of course cold exists . . . haven 't you ever been cold ? ' The young student answered , ' In fact sir , cold does not exist . According to the laws of physics , what we consider cold , is in fact the absence of heat . Anything is able to be studied as long as it transmits energy ( heat ) . Absolute Zero is the total absence of heat , but cold does not exist . What we have done is to create a term to describe how we feel if we don 't have body heat or we are not hot . ' Jun 10 * # * # * # only ' And , does darkness exist ? ' , he continued . The professor answered , ' Of course ' . This time the student responded , ' Again you 're wrong , sir . Darkness does not exist either . Darkness is in fact simply the absence of light . Light can be studied , darkness can not . Darkness cannot be broken down . A simple ray of light tears the darkness and illuminates the surface where the light beam finishes . Dark is a term that we humans have created to describe what happens when there 's lack of light . ' Finally , the student asked the professor , ' Sir , does evil exist ? ' The professor replied , ' Of course it exists , as I mentioned at the beginning , we see violations , crimes and violence anywhere in the world , and those things are evil . ' The student responded , ' Sir , evil does not exist . Just as in the previous cases , evil is a term which man has created to describe the result of the Give Love Get Love Long time ago in China , a girl named Li - Li got married & Went to live with her husband and mother - in - law . In a very short time , Li - Li found that she couldn 't get along with her mother - in - law at all . Their personalities were very different , and Li - Li was angered by Many of her mother - in - law 's habits . In addition , she criticized Li - Li Constantly . Days passed and weeks passed . Li - Li and her mother - in - law Never stopped arguing and fighting . But what made the situation even Worse was that , According to ancient Chinese tradition , Li - Li had to bowTo her mother - in - law and obey her every wish . All the anger and Unhappiness in the house was causing Li - Li 's poor husband great distress . Finally , Li - Li could not stand her mother - in - law 's bad temper And dictatorship any longer , and she decided to do something about It . Li - Li went to see her father 's good friend , Mr . Huang , who sold herbs . She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison So that she could solve the problem once and for all . Mr . Huang thought For a while , and finally said , " Li - Li , I will help you solve your problem , But you must listen to me and obey what I tell you . " Li - Li said , " Yes , Mr . Huang , I will do whatever you tell me toDo . " Mr . Huang went into the back room , and returned in a fewMinutes with a package of herbs . He told Li - Li , " You can 't use a quick - acting Poison to get rid of your mother - in - law , because that would cause people To become suspicious . Therefore , I have given you a number of herbs that will slowlyBuild up poison in her body . Every other day prepare some delicious meal and Put a little of these herbs in her serving . Now , in order to make sure That nobody suspect you when she dies . You must be very careful to act very friendly towards her . Don 't argue with her , obey her every wish , and treat her likeA queen . " 9 / 29 / 06 tulasi Li - Li was so happy . She thanked Mr . Huang and hurried home toStart her plot of murdering her mother - in - law . Weeks went by and months Went by , and every other day , Li - Li served the specially treated fGod gives beyond expectation Once a boy went to a shop with his mother . The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said ' Dear Child . . u can take the sweets . . . But the child didnt take . The shop keeper was surprised . . such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle . Again he said take the sweets . . . Now the mother also heard that and said . . take the sweets dear . . Yet he didnt take . . . The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets . . . he himself took the sweets and gave to the child . The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets . While returning home the Mother asked the child . . . Why didnt you take the sweets , when the shop keeper told you to take ? . . Can you guess the response : Child replies . . . Mom ! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few . . but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands . . . . how many more sweets i got ! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : When we take we may get little but when God gives . . . HE gives us more beyond our expectations . . . more than what we can hold . . ! ! - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A turtle family went on a picnic . The turtles , being naturally slow about things , took seven years to prepare for their outings . Finally the Turtle family left home looking for a suitable place . During the second year of their journey they found it . For about six months they cleaned up the area , unpacked the picnic basket , and completed the arrangements . Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt . A picnic without salt would be a disaster , they all agreed . After a lengthy discussion , the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home . Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles , the little turtle whined , cried , and wobbled in his shell . He agreed to go on one condition : that no one would eat until he returned . The family consented and the little turtle left . Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned . Five years â Six years . . . Then in the seventh year of his absence , the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger . He announced that he was going to eat and began to unwrap a sandwich . At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting , " SEE I knew you wouldn 't wait . Now I am not going to go get the salt . " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : Some of us waste our time waiting for people to liveup to our expectations . We are so concerned aboutwhat others are doing that we don 't do anythingourselves . - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them , " Is therea mantra or suggestion which works in every situation , in everycircumstances , in every place and in every time . In every joy , everysorrow , every defeat and every victory ? One answer for all questions ? Something which can help me when none of you is available to adviseme ? Tell me is there any mantra ? " All the wise men were puzzled by the King 's question . They thought andthought . After a lengthy discussion , an old man suggested somethingwhich appealed to all of them . They went to the king and gave himsomething written on paper , with a condition that the king was not tosee it out of curiosity . Only in extreme danger , when the King findshimself alone and there seems to be no way , only then he can see it . The King put the papers under his Diamond ring . Some time later , the neighbors attacked the Kingdom . King and his armyfought bravely but lost the battle . The King had to flee on his horse . The enemies were following him . getting closer and closer . Suddenlythe King found himself standing at the end of the road - that road wasnot going anywhere . Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feetdeep . If he jumped into it , he would be finished … and he could notreturn because it was a small road … the sound of enemy 's horses wasapproaching fast . The King became restless . There seemed to be no way . Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun , andhe remembered the message hidden in the ring . He opened the diamondand read the message . The message was - " THIS TOO SHALL PASS " The King read it . Again read it . Suddenly something struck him - Yes ! This too will pass . Only a few days ago , I was enjoying my kingdom . Iwas the mightiest of all the Kings . Yet today , the Kingdom and all hispleasure have gone . I am here trying to escape from enemies . Like those days of luxuries have gone , this day of danger too willpass . A calm came on his face . He kept standing there . The place wherehe was standing was full of natural beauty . He had never kn * Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - " PRICELESS " A guy woke up at home with a huge hangover . He forced himself to openhis eyes , and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glassof water on the side table . He sat down and saw his clothing in frontof him , all clean and pressed . He looked around the room and saw that it is in perfect order , . . . spotless , . . . clean . So is the rest of the house . He takes the aspirins and notices a note onthe table . " Honey , breakfast is on the stove , I left early to go shopping . LoveYou ! " So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast andthe morning newspaper . His son is also at the table , eating . Rohit asks , " Son , what happened last night ? " His son says , " Well , you came home around 3 AM , drunk and delirious . Broke some furniture , puked in the hallway , and gave yourself a blackeye when you stumbled into the door " . Confused , he asked , " So , why is everything in order and so clean , and breakfast is on the tablewaiting for me ? I should expect a big quarrel with her ! " His son replies , " Oh , that ! Mom dragged you to the bedroom , and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off , you said , " hey ! ! ! ! ! ! ! leave me alone ! I 'm married ! " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : Breakfast - - Rs . 100 . 00Self - induced hangover - - Rs . 2000 . 00Broken furniture - - Rs . 20 , 000 . 00Saying The Right Thing While Drunk " PRICELESS " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Years ago , a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast . He constantly advertised for hired hands . Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic . They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic , wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops . As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job , he received A steady stream of refusals . Finally , a short , thin man , well past middle age , approached the farmer . " Are you a good farm hand ? " the farmer asked him . " Well , I can sleep when the wind blows , " answered the little man . Although puzzled by this answer , the farmer , desperate for help , Hired him . The little man worked well around the farm , busy from dawn to dusk , and the farmer felt satisfied with the man 's work . Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore . Jumping out of bed , the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand 's sleeping quarters . He shook the little man and yelled , " Get up ! A storm is coming ! Tie things down before they blow away ! " The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly , " No sir . I told you , I can sleep when the wind blows . " Enraged by the response , the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot . Instead , he hurried outside to prepare for the storm . To his amazement , he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins . The cows were in the barn , the chickens were in the coops , and the doors were barred . The shutters were tightly secured . Everything was tied down . Nothing could blow away . The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant , so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : When you 're prepared , spiritually , mentally , andphysically , you have nothing to fear . Can you sleepwhen the wind blows through your life ? - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * An old man lived alone in Minnesota . He wanted to spade his potato garden , but it was very hard work . His only son , who would have helped him , was in prison . The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation . Dear Son , I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won 't be able to plant my potato garden this year . I hate to miss doing the garden , because your mother always loved planting time . I 'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot . If you were here , all my troubles would be over . I know you would dig the plot for me , if you weren 't in prison . Love , Dad . . . . . . . . . Shortly , the old man received this telegram ( every communication use to go through cops ) : " For Heaven 's sake , Dad , don 't dig up the garden ! ! That 's where I buried the GUNS ! " At 4a . m . The next morning , A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns . Confused , the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened , and asked him what to do next . His son 's reply was : " Go ahead and plant your potatoes , Dad . It 's the best I could do for you from here . " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD , IF YOUHAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOURHEART , YOU CAN DO IT . - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Even A Mustard Can be a Cure For Sorrow There is an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only son died . In her grief , she went to the holy man and said , " What prayers , what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life ? " Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her , he said to her , " Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow . We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life . " The woman went off at once in search of that magical mustard seed . She came first to a splendid mansion , knocked at the door , and said , " I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow . Is this a place ? It is very important to me . " They told her , " You 've certainly come to the wrong place , " and began to describe all the tragic things that recently had befallen them . The woman said to herself , " Who is better able to help these poor , unfortunate people that I , who have had misfortune of my own ? " She stayed to comfort them , and then went on in search of a home that had never known sorrow . But wherever she turned , in hovels and in other places , she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune . She became so involved in ministering to other people 's grief that ultimately she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed , never realizing that it had , in fact , driven the sorrow out of her life . This is a love letter from a boy to a girl . However the girl ' sfather does not like him and want to stop their relationship . Sothe boy wrote the letter to the girl . He knows that the girl ' sfather will definitely read this letter . " The great love that I have for youis gone and I find my dislike for yougrows everyday . When I see you , I do not even like your face ; the one thing that I want to do is tolook at other girls . I never wanted tomarry you . Our last conversationwas very boring and has notmade me look forward to seeing you again . You only think of yourself . If we were married , I know I would findlife very difficult and I would have nopleasure in living with you . I have a heartto give , but it is not something thatI want to give to you . No one is morefoolish and selfish than you , and you are notable to care for me and help me . I sincerely want you to understand thatI speak the truth . You will do me a favorif you think this is the end . Do not tryto answer this . Your letters are full ofthings that do not interest me . You have notrue love for me . Good - bye ! Believe me , I do not care for you . Please do not think thatI am still your boyfriend . " So bad ! ! But before handing over the letter to his sweetheart , the guy called the girl to read only the ODD no . lines i . e . 1 , 3 , 5 , 7 , . . . . . . , 25 . So go through it again and you will find its smart and sweet Once upon a time there was a rich King who had 4 wives . He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies . . He gave her nothing but the best . He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms . However , he feared that one day she would leave him for another . He also loved his 2nd wife . She was his confidante and was always kind , considerate and patient with him . Whenever the King faced a problem , he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times . The King 's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom . However , he did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply , he hardly took notice of her . One day , the King fell ill and he knew his time was short . He thought of his luxurious life and pondered , " I now have 4 wives with me , but when I die , I 'll be all alone . Thus , he asked the 4th wife , " I have loved you the most , endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you . Now that I 'm dying , will you follow me and keep me company ? " " No way ! " replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word . Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart . The sad King then asked the 3rd wife , " I have loved you all my life . Now that I 'm dying , will you follow me and keep me company ? " " No ! " replied the 3rd wife . " Life is too good ! When you die , I 'm going to remarry ! " His heart sank and turned cold . He then asked the 2nd wife , " I have always turned to you for help and you 've always been there for me . When I die , will you follow me and keep me company ? " " I 'm sorry , I can 't help you out this time ! " replied the 2nd wife . " At the very most , I can only send you to your grave . " Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated . Then a voice called out : " I 'll live with you and follow you no matter where you go . " The King looked up and there was his first wife . She was so skinny , she suffered from malnutrition1 : 00 AM A city boy , Raj , moved to the village and bought a donkey from an old farmer for Rs . 1000 . The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day . The next day the farmer drove up and said , " Sorry Rajji , but I have some bad news , the donkey died while I was bringing him here . " Raj replied : " Well then , just give me my money back . " The farmer said : " Can 't do that . I went and spent it already . " Raj said : " OK then , just unload the donkey . " The farmer asked : " What you are going to do with him ? " Raj : " I 'm going to raffle him off . " ( Note : To raffle is like lottery - draw lot to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket and there is a big prize for the people who win . ) Farmer : " You can 't raffle off a dead donkey ! " Raj : " Sure I can . Watch me . I just won 't tell anybody he 's dead . " A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked , " What happened with that dead donkey ? " Raj : " I raffled him off . I sold 500 tickets at Rs . 10 each and made a profit of Rs 4990 with the donkey worth Rs . 1000 as the prize . Farmer : " Didn 't anyone complain ? " Raj : " Just the guy who won . So I gave him back his Rs . 10 . " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : No situation is so bad that cannot be turned around . You need to just think hard . So look at your glass always as half full ( positive attitude ) rather then half empty . Do not lose hope . . . . . . . . . . - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A little boy wanted to meet God . He knew it was a long trip to where God lived , so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six - pack of root beer and started his journey . When he had gone about three blocks , he met an old woman . She was sitting in the park , just staring at some pigeons . The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase . He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry , so he offered her some chips . She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him . Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again , so he offered her a root beer . Again , she smiled at him . The boy was delighted ! They satThere all afternoon eating and smiling , but they never said a word . As twilight approached , the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave ; but before he had gone more than a few steps , he turned around , ran back to the old woman , and gave her a hug . She gave him her biggest smile ever . When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later , his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face . She asked him , " What did you do today that made you so happy ? " He replied , " I had lunch with God . " But before his mother could respond , he added , " You know what ? She 's got the most beautiful smile I 've ever seen ! " Meanwhile , the old woman , also radiant with joy , returned to her home . Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked , " Mother , what did you do today that made you so happy ? " She replied ! " I ate potato chips in the park with God . " However , before her son responded , she added , " You know , he 's much younger than I expected . " Too often we underestimate the power of a touch , a smile , a kind word , a listening ear , an honest compliment , or the smallest act of caring , all ofWhich have the potential to turn a life around . People come into our lives for a reason , a season , or a lifetime ! Embrace all equally ! A student asks a teacher , " What is love ? " The teacher said , " in order to answer your question , go to the wheatfield and choose the biggest wheat and come back . But the rule is : - you can go through them only once & cannot turn backto pick . " The student went to the field , go thru first row , he saw one big wheat , but he wonders . . . . may be there is a bigger one later . Then he saw another bigger one . . . but may be there is an even biggerone waiting for him . Later , when he finished more than half of the wheat field , he starts torealise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw , heknew he has missed the biggest one , and he regretted . So , he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand . The teachertold him , " . . . this is love . . . you keep looking for better ones , butwhen later you realise , you have already missed the person . . . . " * " What is marriage then ? " the student asked . The teacher said , " in order to answer your question , go to the cornfield and choose the biggest corn and come back . But the rule is : youcan go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick . " The student went to the corn field , this time he is careful not torepeat the previous mistake , when he reach the middle of the field , hehas picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied , and came back totheteacher . The teacher told him , " this time you bring back a corn . . . . you look forone that is just nice , and you have faith and believe this is the bestone you get . . . . this is marriage . " A saint asked his disciples , ' Why do we shout in anger ? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset ? ' Disciples thought for a while , one of them said , ' Because we lose our calm , we shout for that . ' ' But , why to shout when the other person is just next to you ? ' asked the saint . ' Isn 't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice ? Why do you shout at a person when you 're angry ? ' Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint . Finally , he explained , ' When two people are angry at each other , their hearts distance a lot . To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other . The angrier they are , the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance . ' Then the saint asked , ' What happens when two people fall in love ? They don 't shout at each other but talk softly , why ? Because their hearts are very close . The distance between them is very small . . . ' The saint continued , ' When they love each other even more , what happens ? They do not speak , only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love . Finally they even need not whisper , they only look at each other and that is all . That is how close two people are when they love each other . ' * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : When you argue , do not let your hearts getdistant , do not say words that distance eachother more , else there will come a day whenthe distance is so great that you will notfind the path to return . - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate . He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say . When someone would ask him how he was doing , he would reply , " If I were any better , I would be twins ! " He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant . The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude . He was a natural motivator . If an employee was having a bad day , Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation . Seeing this style really made me curious , so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him , " I don 't get it ! You can 't be a positive person all of the time . How do you do it ? " Jerry replied , " Each morning I wake up and say to myself , ' Jerry , you have two choices today . You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood . ' I choose to be in a good mood . Each time something bad happens , I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it . I choose to learn from it . Every time someone comes to me complaining , I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life . I choose the positive side of life . " " Yeah , right , it 's not that easy , " I protested . " Yes , it is , " Jerry said . " Life is all about choices . When you cut way all the junk , every situation is a choice . You choose how you react to situations . You choose how people will affect your mood . You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood . The bottom line : It 's your choice how you live life . " I reflected on what Jerry said . Soon thereafter , I left the restaurant industry to start my own business . We lost touch , but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it . Several years later , I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business : he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers . While trying to open the safe , his hand , shaking from nervousness , slipped off the co2 : 05 AM One night a snake while it was looking for food , entered a carpenter 's workshop . The carpenter , who was a rather untidy man , had left several of his tools lying on the floor . One of them was a saw . As the snake went round and round the shop , he climbed over the saw , which gave him a little cut . At once , thinking that the saw was attacking him , he turned around and bit it so hard that his mouth started to bleed . This made him very angry . He attacked again and again until the saw was covered with blood and seemed to be dead . Dying from his own wounds , the snake decided to give one last hard bite then turned away . The next morning the carpenter was surprised to find a dead snake on his doorstep . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : Sometimes in trying to hurt others , we onlyhurt ourselves . . - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her . She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up . She was tired of fighting and struggling . It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose . Her mother took her to the kitchen . She filled three pots with water . In the first , she placed carrots , in the second she placed eggs and the last , ground coffee beans . She let them sit and boil without saying a word . In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners . She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl . She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl . Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl . Turning to her daughter , she asked , " Tell me what do you see ? " " Carrots , eggs , and coffee , " she replied . She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots . The daughter did and noted that they were soft . She then asked her to take an egg and break it . After pulling off the shell , she observed the hard - boiled egg . Finally , she asked her to sip the coffee . The daughter smiled , as she tasted its rich aroma . The daughter then asked . " What 's the point , mother ? " Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently . The carrot went in strong , hard and unrelenting . However after being subjected to the boiling water , it softened and became weak . The egg had been fragile . Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior . But , after sitting through the boiling water , its inside became hardened . The ground coffee beans were unique , however . After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water . " Which are you ? " she asked her daughter . " When adversity knocks on your door , how do you respond ? Are you a carrot , an egg , or a coffee bean ? " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : " Right Reaction Towards Problems Can Take YouLong Way . " So which one is you ? - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A mother and a baby camel were lazing around , and suddenly the baby camel asked . . . . Baby : Why do camels have humps ? Mother : Well son , we are desert animals , we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water . Baby : Okay , then why are our legs long and our feet rounded ? Mother : Son , obviously they are meant for walking in the desert , You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone does ! Said the mother proudly . Baby : Okay , then why are our eyelashes long ? Sometimes it bothers my sight . Mother : My son , those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover . They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind . Said mother camel with eyes rimming with pride . . . . Baby : I see . So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert , the legs are for walking through the desert and these eyelashes protect my eyes from the desert . . . Then what the hell are we doing here in the Zzzoooooo ! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MORAL OF THE STORY IS : " Skills , knowledge , abilities and experiencesare only useful if you are at the right place " - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A kindergarden Teacher has decided to let her class play a game . The teacher told each child in the classto bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes . Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates , sothe number of potatoes that a child will put in his / her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he / she hates . So whenthe day came , every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he / she hated . Some had 2 potatoes ; some 3while some up to 5 potatoes . The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go ( even to the toilet ) for 1week . Days after days passed by , and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rottenpotatoes . Besides , those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags . After 1 week , the children were relieved becausethe game had finally ended . The teacher asked : " How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week ? " The children let out their frustrationsand started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes whereverthey go . Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game . The teacher said : " This is exactly the situationwhen you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart . The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go . If you cannot tolerate thesmell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week , can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for yourlifetime ? " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Moral of the story : Throw away any hatred for anyone from yourheart so that you will not carry sins for alifetime . Forgiving others is the bestattitude to take . " Learn to Forgive and Forget " - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates . Ahead of him is a guy who 's dressed in sunglasses , a loud shirt , leather jacket and jeans . Saint Peter addresses him , " Who are you , so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ? " The guy replies , " I 'm Joe Cohen , taxi driver , from New York . " Saint Peter consults his list . He smiles and says to the taxi driver , " Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven . " Now it 's the priest 's turn . He stands erect and booms out , " I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow , pastor of Saint Mary 's for the last forty - three years . " Saint Peter consults his list . He says to the priest , " Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven . " " Just a minute , " says the priest . " That man was a taxi driver . Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff ? " " Results , " shrugged Saint Peter . . . . . . . . . . . " While you preached , people slept . When he drove , people prayed . " * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Moral of the story : It 's Performance , Not Position that Counts - Hitesh * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * |
Rudy Ramos fans will be excited to know that his reading was recorded , and is available for viewing . Rudy will be taking " Geronimo , Life on the Reservation , " on a nation wide tour that will premiere on March 22 , 2014 , during the High Chaparral Reunion at the casino del Sol . Tour dates are scheduled for Tombstone , Arizona , Santa Fe , New Mexico , and Muskogee , Oklahoma , with more on the way , giving us all the opportunity to see the best adaptation of " Geronimo " ever ! Visit to get all of the most up - to - date information ! High Chaparral Fans please visit the High Chaparral Reunion website ! Be sure to register for the 2014 reunion ! The reunion is held in Tucson , Arizona at ' Old Tucson Studios ' where High Chaparral was filmed in March or April . Fans will enjoy private luncheons with cast members , a cocktail meet and greet , a trail ride , and many other fun and memorable activities . This event will be a vacation of a life time for High Chaparral fans ! Visit the website and register for the reunion here . If you are on Facebook , please visit and " like " the High Chaparral Reunion page . Penny is there every day , posting memories , old and new , and keeping fans up to speed on all of the latest HC " must know " news ! High Chaparral Reunion Page on Facebook . I think it was 1996 . Jerry and I were supervisors together at a local business . I guess we were both still young enough to hang out with folks from work . . . something that I stopped doing years ago . The Rolling Stones were coming to Owen Field at the University of Oklahoma and several of us decided to go as a group . Jerry opted for a party bus so that we could drink and not be concerned with driving . Thinking about all of this puts me in mind of how much I have aged just since the nineties , because we went to see the Stones on a party bus - on a work night ! ! We were older , true , but in retrospect , not yet wiser ! Jerry entrusted the security of the tickets to me . And I in turn , promptly had them stolen ! I can 't remember how many of us had tickets , but I do remember that I had them all ! Jerry was a long time local business man who was taking a brief break from operating the family business when we met . Jerry had the good sense to purchase the tickets with his credit card , so he was able to have the stolen Stones tickets replaced and waiting for us at will call when the party bus dropped us off at the stadium . The stadium was packed and all concert goers were herded beneath the bleachers like cattle both coming and going . Our original tickets were on the 50 yard line a few rows back from the tickets that replaced the stolen ones . The new ones were much better because there was a second stage in the middle of the stadium and our seats were on the same row as that second stage . So we got to see Mick Jagger perform so close to us that we could see the groupies toss their undergarments to him as he sweated , danced , and sang to the crowd . I was not going to let the people who stole the original tickets off the hook so easily . So on the way to our seats , I stopped at the original seats and approached the one who was seated in mine . She was someone I knew from Oklahoma City and she had the audacity to tell me that she had those tickets for over a month . I could see the guilt well up in her face when I was able to name the precise time and place when she got those tickets only a few days earlier . As far as I was concerned , the group of people who stole the tickets should be escorted in shame out of the venue . But Jerry intervened . He just wanted to have a good time and let the issue of the original tickets go . I didn 't like it , but I was a women in my early thirties who had two kids , at a Rolling Stones Concert with a bunch of coworkers on a party bus ! I had a mid - life coming of age moment and I dropped the issue , thus most likely preventing my own homicide ! Our best times were mostly spur of the moment ideas , like the time when we found ourselves at the annual " Lions Club " Carnival that had set up in the parking lot at the mall on a gloriously sunny afternoon in May , when we spontaneously piled into her 84 Delta 88 and set out to have some fun . The two of us were standing at the carousel watching as the ride went round and round ; as our kids went up and down on their painted pony of choice . The moment was as magical as the music , and thoughts of holding on to a fleeting moment in time didn 't occur . The idea came to me that this place was costing us too much money , so we decided to leave , and in about a half an hour we were pulling into an empty parking lot at the virtually forgotten Eagle Park in Cache , Oklahoma . Eagle Park was once the epicenter of fun for those living in southwest Oklahoma . Now , in the eighties , the momentum was already fading - so for this old amusement park to revive itself for what may have been its very last time ( for all I know ) , was truly spectacular . Our kids were full of enthusiasm and excitement because we were an adventurous bunch , so while they never knew what to expect from " us moms , " they did know that whatever we were going to do was going to be packed with treasured moments that would linger in their memories for a life time . The five of them were curious and I , self - assured , as we seemed to cross an invisible bridge , into a place that was made just for us to enjoy on that day , in that moment . We were in the midst of shut down old wooden food stands with faded red and blue paint , that offered food for our spirits and not for our bodies . There were rides standing still and the children gazed . So did we . An older man ( perhaps in his fifties or sixties ) with gray hair , and wearing blue jeans , a western shirt , and cowboy boots came out of the office of the old place . He seemed to be expecting us . The park came alive , one ride at a time . The kids were overjoyed as they ran from the swings , to the twist - a - whirl as one lone operator and six park guests chattered and laughed in a truly golden moment that must have always been planned for us to be there - on that day , in that time , when a treasure simply presented itself to us and we took it . Eagle Park is an Oklahoma Ghost town now . The first bunch of kids , and the second are all grown and making their own memories with their own families and best friends . One left us early , when he was twenty . Until today , in this moment , I hadn 't thought a lot about that moment . The time when we had our own private amusement park ; and we made a memory . " Daddy 's not here dummy . " I said . " And I know how brave you are . You ran home screamin and cryin when Mrs . Delaney 's Chihuahua chased you home from school . " Just then I heard the back door creak open and the screen door slam . Hooby and I were home by ourselves since Daddy was working . We didn 't know where our mom was . She left us a long time ago . Then we heard footsteps . They sounded like big feet to me . Like the heavy sound a boot makes when it 's being worn by a grown man and being walked across a wood floor . The footsteps got louder and closer and Hooby ran and hid behind a curtain while I stood frozen ; I was like a deer in the headlights if ever there was one . When the predator at last made his appearance he didn 't look anything like I 'd imagined . He was a tall , man , with a slender build . He had salt and pepper hair with more pepper than salt and the oddest style I have ever seen . His hair was cut short and parted on the side and careful styled with hairspray ( obviously ) , so that the front sticks out like a cliff about four or five inches from the forehead . He was wearing a tanned uniform with freshly polished cowboy boots , a gun in a holster and a badge . " I 'm sorry I scared you kids . I just wanted to come home and see if everything was all right here at the house . Now I don 't want you to worry about anything . Just keep the doors locked . I 've got somebody watchin the house at all times . I wish I could stay home with ya 'll , but I can 't . I have to work . I have to help catch this guy and put him back where he belongs . " " Hoob " This escapee , Bobby Plant ( that 's his name ) , did get the death penalty for his crime . But last year the death penalty was declared to be against the law . So all the people on death row got commuted to life . " Dad said . " It appears he made some kind of false bottom in a laundry basket . He worked in the prison laundry . I just know he couldn 't have escaped if he was still on death row . All prisoners are worthless if you ask me . A bullet only costs twenty - five cents . I think they should all be lined up and shot right in the head . Problem solved . " Dad said . Dad never had a problem saying exactly what he thought . His unique take on freedom of speech got him in trouble on more than one occasion in his life . Dad carefully walked around the house checking to make sure all the windows and doors were secure . Then he went outside and walked all around the house with his really really bright policeman flashlight that is not only good for seeing in the dark , but also for busting windows , heads , or whatever needs busted . I was trying to watch Dad from the backdoor of the laundry room , but it was too dark . Then I saw the door to the shed open and sure enough someone peaked out as if to see if the coast was clear . I knew they couldn 't see me from where I was watching . The shed door closed again and I knew I needed to act quickly . " First , I need to tell Dad . " I said to myself as I put my plan into action . " Then I need to call the police . And Hooby . He needs to hide some place safe . But where ? " My mind was all over the place . " Oh I know . I 'll send him over to Mrs . Delaney 's . " " I may have to pour water on him to wake him up . " I thought . " " Hooby . Wake up ! Do you understand me . Wake up now ! ! " " You need to get your shoes on and run out the front door and run to Mrs . Delaney 's house as fast as you can . Tell her I sent you and I 'll explain later . Can you do that ? " " I should call the police now . " I thought . " Then I 'll find dad . That way if anything goes wrong the police will be on their way . " After I called the police , I quietly crept around back to see where dad was . It was dark and I couldn 't see anything , but I figured I 'd see his flashlight and find him easy enough . When I spotted Dad , he was just about to open the door to the shed where I saw Bobby Plant hiding a few minutes earlier . I knew dad was careful , but I figured if he knew the guy was in there it would eliminate the element of surprise . I went back inside through the laundry room and as quick as I stepped inside I was captured like a Venus fly trap catches a fly . I never saw it coming . Suddenly my short small body was being held against a larger body and his big hand easily covered my mouth and nose and it smelled like salt and dirt . About the same time I saw the flashing lights of the police cars outside . It was starting to look like Dad and the other cops were going to open the shed and find the same thing Geraldo Rivera found years later when he opened Al Capone 's vault . " You need to keep quiet kid , if you like breathin . You dig what I 'm sayin . " Bobby said . " I 'm gonna let you go and when I do you don 't run away and you don 't scream . " " It 's meatloaf , mashed potatoes , and green beans . " I said . " Me and my grandma snapped the beans ourselves . She taught me how . You better eat it quick though . He was finishing up his plate of food and I rinsed it off in the sink . Neither Bobby nor I realized it , but the police spotted us in the house and were surrounding the entire house with men . The phone rang . " Katy . It 's your daddy . Try not to be scared . We 're gonna catch Plant . We see him . Does he have any weapons that you can see , honey ? " Bobby and I sat down at the dining room table . Sitting there at the table with Bobby Plant made me feel the dichotomy of the situation although at the time I wouldn 't have explained it just that way . Our dining room with its round oak table and white linen napkins and tassels on the curtains was the safest and warmest place I knew . Now I was sitting here with a deadly criminal and I was his hostage . I was in the most danger I had ever been in as long as I 'd been alive . Some how I managed to keep Bobby engaged in conversation which distracted him from worrying about getting captured . He didn 't even notice when two officers came in from behind and grabbed him before he ever knew they were there . I 'm glad they didn 't have to shoot him . That was a long night for me and for dad . Until now , I don 't suppose I have ever told anyone about that night . I just hadn 't thought about it . Dad still thinks we oughta just shoot prisoners in the head and be done with them . Some people just refuse to change I guess . This is a story that I like , but I have never revised . This is nothing more than an old rough draft that is still in need of much revision . Feedback is welcome - I thought that if I posted my sstory in its rough form , that perhaps I might be inspired to resume my work on it , and give it a good polishing . I saw the sunlight through my eyelids so I knew it was morning . I slept in the alley behind the Piggly Wiggly with my back propped up against the wall . My long hair and mustache were matted with drool and vomit . I looked around my and saw the two empty pints of vodka I drank the night before . I realized I was tightly gripping another and was relieved to find a good corner left to give me a little relief from the shakes . I took the last swig and tossed the bottle . I always hate the overwhelming feeling of guilt I get when I start to sober up a little bit . My ex - wife is driving our daughter down to Florida this weekend where she 's goin to grad school . They shouldn 't have to be makin the trip alone . I pulled a picture of my daughter out of my wallet . In it she 's about six or seven and the way she 's posed she looks like she 's getting ready to report the news . That picture always makes me smile , ya know ? But Nicole just graduated from college a couple of weeks ago . She 's a pretty girl with honey blond hair and big brown cow - eyes like mine . My sister Donna used to tell me I had cow - eyes . Nicole is athletic like me too . I played football all through school . Nicole is a figure skater . Liquor stores are closed on Sunday in Oklahoma . As usual , I bought a pint to save for Sunday , but I drank it . I felt around in the pockets of my wranglers to see if I had enough money for a six pack of beer . I knew I desperately needed to eat , but I needed a drink a lot worse . Eating was futile anyway . The longer I chewed the bigger food got in my mouth . Swallowing food is next to impossible . And no way could I keep it down . I was so sick that even my eyelashes hurt . I decided not to waste my change on piss water . Beer didn 't even have enough alcohol to make me mad . I had just enough change for a 64 ounce bottle of Dollar Store listo . I paid the cashier for the mouthwash and went back to my spot and lit a cigarette . I must 've puked a gallon . My gut convulsed and I heaved uncontrollably - partly from the alcohol poisoning and partly from the thought of drinking the listo . I started gagging wildly from the pit of my stomach all the way up through my esophagus and the puke shot out of my mouth and nose like a polluted water fountain at the thought what I was about to do . Stomach acid burned my nostrils and tears poured from my red , swollen eyes . After a few minutes I composed myself enough to crack open the listo and I swallowed about half the bottle in a single chug . That shit is so god awful I had to swig as much as I could in one gulp just to get it over with . The terrible concoction I just deliberately ingested hit my stomach like a sledge hammer . My stomach started convulsing violently again . My body rejected the listo , but I had to force myself to keep it down . The wretched sensation in my body made me want to shit , puke or die , but I didn 't know which . I had to keep it down . Easiness came over me after several agonizing moments , and I knew relief was at hand . A toxic liquid current flowed through my veins and eased the nagging demon that tortured my soul until I gave my body what it demanded . I was 45 years old by the time I ended up drinking listo behind the Piggly Wiggly in Tulsa . I tried to stand up , but I just kept falling back down , so finally just gave up and lay there face down , taking up six feet and four inches of alley space from my size 12 hiking boots to my Dallas Cowboy cap that waited beside me like a loyal friend to go back on my head . In a stupor I had visions and thoughts of my life . I heard my sister Donna 's best friend Laurie calling me . I was fourteen years old and in the ninth grade during the fall of 1976 . Donna and Laurie pulled Donna 's 69 Cougar up beside me as I walked down Melrose Lane in Oklahoma City . I was coming home from football practice . " Hey Bubba ! Hop in ! Let 's go for a ride ! . " Donna said . She opened her door and pulled her seat forward and motioned for me to get in the backseat . Laurie was rolling a joint . Jethro Tull 's Locomotive Breath was blasting over the speakers . Donna was two years older than me and I thought she was so cool . She was tall and pretty with long blond hair . All the boys in school wanted to go out with her and the girls all wanted to be friends with her . I didn 't know where I fit in yet , but I sure did look up to my sister back then . I crawled into the backseat of Donna 's Cougar and I smoked my first joint . It was also Donna who gave me my first hit of acid and my first shot of heroin . Donna went to prison when she was in her thirties for forging checks to get money for drugs . Oh , and her friend Laurie died of a drug overdose back in high school . Getting high gave me a sense of confidence I hadn 't had before . I felt cool . I was making friends and I finally felt like I fit in somewhere . I was having fun too . When I was high I felt like there was an amusement park in my head . Dad was an alcoholic . He quit drinking on his own when he was in his late forties and never touched another drop . I always thought that 's the way it would be for me too . That one day I would just quit like Dad did . I always looked up to dad . He was kind of like my hero I guess . Dad never did take shit off of nobody . One time at his work he got pissed off at his boss and he reared back and thrust his hands forward and shoved his boss 's desk over ! I was home alone one afternoon and didn 't have any pot so I decided to improvise . I started lookin around for Dad 's stash and I found a fifth of Popov vodka hidden way back in the coat closet behind some Christmas paper and my sister 's old Mystery Date game . I poured myself a good glassful and replaced what I took from the bottle with water . If Dad noticed , he never said anything about it . I sat on the couch in the living room and drank vodka while I watched Brutus and Popeye duke it out over Olive Oyl on our family 's old 19 inch color portable . My first taste of alcohol gave me the sweetest sense of peace I had ever known . Smoking pot was great , but for me alcohol was exactly what I had been looking for all along . I know people say alcohol and drugs are different , but they 're not . Alcohol is the king of drugs . I was married once . Carly and I met in high school . But the first time I ever saw her was when we were both about nine or ten years old at her dad 's filling station . I was with my mom when she pulled in there to get gas . A pretty barefoot girl in cut - off jeans and dirty feet pumped the gas and she must have made an impression because I never did forget her . When Carly and I did start dating I noticed that she bit her fingernails and I said something about it . A couple of weeks later her nails were growing out and polished and she keeps them nice to this day . That 's when I knew she loved me . I called her my Cinnamon girl cause she had the most gorgeous soft long cinnamon brown hair and these hypnotic emerald green eyes . We got married after graduation . Carly straightened up when she found out she was pregnant . She quit everything . Cigarettes , drugs , drinking - and after that her life was all about the baby . I didn 't change though . But I fell in love with my baby girl the day she was born . It was a frozen December that year and Carly and I lived in Medicine Park , Oklahoma . The roads and everything were iced over . Wouldn 't you know that would be the night Carly would go into labor ? Her water broke and she woke me cause she thought she peed the bed . I didn 't even have gas in the car . The whole village was frozen over and I knocked on every door until I finally found someone who would give us a ride to the hospital . Yeah , in those days I believed I had a good life ahead of me . No one noticed that I slipped out of the hospital and made a quick dash to the liquor store for a pint of vodka . This damned addiction had such a hold on me that I chose it over my own daughter . I pried my eyes open and looked around , realizing I was in jail . Sick as hell I raised up from the bunk . " Yeah . " " Get up . You have to go before the judge . " I managed to crawl off of my bunk and follow the jailer to the booking room to see the judge . I didn 't remember getting arrested , but whatever I was charged with , I 'm sure I did it . I 'd been in jail hundreds of times and I knew the drill . Somehow , I had always managed to avoid being charged with a felony , but I have been in city and county jails from Lawton to Claremore . Judge Parrish presided . " Hawkins , when are you gonna cut out all of this nonsense ? I 'm getting kind of tired of seeing you in my courtroom . " " I plan to quit sir . I 'm getting too old for this . " " Yes you are . I don 't think I have ever seen the same person come through my courtroom as many times as you have . I don 't want to see you anymore . " " Yes sir . " " You 're charged with public intoxication . How do you plead ? " " No contest . " " $ 750 fine . You can pay the cashier at the court clerk 's office or sit the fine out in jail at five dollars a day . Send in Ronnie Johnson . " He told the jailer as I was dismissed back to my cell . I crawled back into my bunk and went to sleep . I knew I 'd make trustee in a day or two and that would earn me $ 80 a day toward my fine . I 'd be out in less than two weeks . I was voted most likely to succeed in high school . I 've always been an over achiever to compensate for my shortcomings . It 's the typical behavior of an alcoholic to be exceptional in whatever we do in hopes that no one will notice our faults . Fooling counselors and the otherpatients in treatment was easy for me . I 'd been to treatment so many times I could run the program myself . I always knew I was going to drink as soon as I got out , but I still fooled everyone . I remember a time in group when one of the younger patients had something to say . " When I first got here , all I wanted to do was leave . But Hawk saw me sitting in a corner by myself and he reached out to me . He encouraged me not to give up . He told me I could make it if I would give it a chance . I just wanted to say Thanks Hawk . You 're all right , man . " Guilt and Shame raged inside of me like cancer . Hate and alienation from loved ones happens as a result of the disease of alcoholism . If I had another disease , like pancreatic cancer or something my loved ones would be surrounding me , right ? But alcoholism makes me do things that makes me feel guilty and ashamed and makes my family ashamed of me . I honestly don 't mean to do such terrible things , but they just happen . I have a lot of guilt because I was not there to raise my daughter . I always loved her and planned to take care of her . But I couldn 't stop doing what I was doing and she grew up so fast . My wife is the one who had to work and she took such good care of Nicole . I remember a rare time when I was at home alone with Nicole and the police came to pick me up on a warrant . " You 're not taking me anywhere until I get someone here to take care of my daughter . " I said . The police waited until my mom could get there to take my daughter . But it was only one of the countless times my little girl suffered the shame of watching her daddy being carted off to jail in handcuffs . " You have to leave Hawk . The only thing you ever do is drink . And if you 're not drinking you 're tryin to find a way to get a drink . I 'm not doin this anymore . " Carly said . I was 44 years old and sick to death of the way I was living my life . " You do whatever the hell you want Hawk . I don 't give a damn . Drink . Don 't drink . Whatever you want . Just leave me the hell alone . " " Just listen to me . Please . I need a ride to treatment in Watonga . I don 't know anyone else who can take me there . Even if you don 't want anything else to do with me , please will you take me to treatment ? " " Stop wasting my time , Hawk ! That 's a week from now . By then you 'll be working on you 're next bunch of empty promises and lies . " " This time is different Carly . I swear . I don 't want to do this anymore . The pint I drank today really was the last one . I can 't get into Watonga any sooner or I would . But I have already made up my mind not to drink anymore and I 'm not going too . " Carly did drive me to Watonga and I stayed sober for six months . It was the best six months of my life . I started my own cleaning business and was very successful . I built a large savings account got , my driver license , bought a car , and paid off old fines . I put as much effort into being sober as I ever did into drinking and I was good at it . In fact , I had been so good I decided to reward myself , so one night six months sober ; I bought a pint to drink while I watched a pre - season Dallas Cowboys football game . I needed to get a grip . " I 'm David Hawkins . It 's Sunday June 15 , 2008 . I 'm 45 years old and I 'm drunk off my ass . I 'm behind the Piggly Wiggly on Admiral in Tulsa . " I was starting to sober up . I passed out . " We need an ambulance out here . " The police were called when a guy from Piggly Wiggly brought out some trash . I had drunk myself unconscious before , but this time was different . I wasn 't unconscious , but I couldn 't tell anyone that I knew what was going on . At the emergency room charcoal was pumped in my stomach and mouthwash was pumped out . I drifted in and out of consciousness but I pretty much knew what was going on . After a few hours I finally talked to a doctor . " You know what happened . You damn near killed yourself drinking mouthwash and vodka . Your pancreas is shot which you probably already know . Chances are if you drink again you probably won 't survive . You need to stay here in the hospital because of your pancreatitis . You can 't have anything by mouth until we can get you stabilized . I 'll get you ready to move upstairs . " The doctor was right . I had known for years that I had pancreatitis . I just didn 't really believe it was as bad as they all made it sound . I stayed in the hospital and got myself dried out . Then I borrowed a few dollars from a nurse and I left . I ducked along the side of the liquor store and cracked open the red cap . I guzzled the whole pint in one swallow like it was Kool - aid . I sat on the ground and pulled out my favorite picture of Nicole from my wallet . I stared at it for a long time both laughing and crying . |
May 29 , 2017 We have always said there was an invisible paw print on the wall in front of our house letting lost and abandoned animals know it was a safe place . Over the thirty years we 've lived here , we 've had several dogs , puppies , cats and kittens and one even a domesticated rabbit find their way to our house . Many of them stayed and adopted us and gave us much love and pleasure for the remainder of their lives . In the past seven years there has been a slowing of our visitors . We 've had several deer hounds find their way here and with the help of the wonderful people at Hanover Animal Control got them back to their owners . Once in a while , we wondered if the paw print had been washed off , but we had a full crew of cats and dogs many with special problems due to age or injury so we were glad not to have to turn anyone away . The last few years have been very difficult . Three of our dogs and three of our cats and our bearded dragon died due to chronic or sudden illness . All were elderly but it is still very hard to lose them and they left big holes in our hearts . Strangely after these losses , the paw print seems to have reappeared . There was a neighborhood cat who was abandoned when our next door neighbor moved . Another neighbor was thought to be watching out for her and her brother but as we have learned this year , she was never spayed and has never had shots . They said , she wouldn 't let them near her . She started wandering across our yard more often over the last year and a half . She is a cat with ATTITUDE ! If we were walking the dog and she was on the side of the road or sitting anywhere near , she 'd stay perfectly still and give us a look that clearly said , this was her space and she wasn 't moving for anybody . She 'd hop up to our birdbath to take a drink and sit with her back to us . Then she 'd strut across the yard making a point of not looking our way . We started looking for her and calling her Foxy Lady and saying hello . Last year about this time , she had a litter of kittens . We saw them up around the neighbors once they were several months old . As they got bigger , she started spending more and more time around our house . I could empathize . There were many times when our boys were teenagers that I 'd have liked to run away for a day - or more . Then she started coming up on the back stoop and sitting on the railing tapping on the mud room window . That is where Zeke , our dog sleeps and it was driving him crazy . So one night , I went out with a box of cat treats that our cats could no longer eat due to one having renal failure , one diabetes and one obesity . I sat down on the top step and talked with her , tossed her a few treats . She listened , ate the treats and gradually followed the treats up the steps until she was eating one step below me and she allowed me to pet her . Once . Then she quickly ran back down to the bottom and the steps and gave me her look . Soon she was sleeping on our porch in one of the wicker chairs or on the glider . Then one of her kittens joined her . Slowly they became friendlier and came for treats and would come into the house , briefly but would freak if we closed the door . Our plan was once they became used to us , we 'd take them to the vet for shots and to be spayed . Olivia is the younger one and she is a mouthy little cat . It took her a long time to let us pet her . By the time they both would let us pick them up , we realized they were getting rounder and rounder . Yep , both were expecting kittens . Foxy had her litter the beginning of April while we were away visiting our son at college . She had hidden them we think under one of the sheds until just a week ago . They are definitely feral . Once they were more mobile , she moved them under the back of the house in the crawl space . So they can drive Zeke crazy at night . If they caught a glimpse of us , they 'd scoot back under the house . So we are slowly trying to get them used to us and more domesticated so they can also get shots and be adopted . The life expectancy for outside cats around us isn 't good . Foxy has beaten the odds so far ( supposedly she is 11 ) but she is the exception . There are four kittens in Foxy 's litter . Two black and whites , one black with a tiny spot of white on his chest and the striped one . Have no idea what their sexes are yet . Olivia had her litter when we were at our son 's graduation the beginning of May . ( Coincidence ? I think not . ) We haven 't seen them yet but are hoping they will be out in another week . This is Adolph ( see the moustache ) . Pretty sure he is the father . He is truly feral and runs if he even sees us through a window . Which is why this picture is so blurry . Hopefully we will be able to trap him and get him neutered too . We have seen him watching the kittens while Foxy eats so he is participating behind the scenes . Today , VDOT was back working on our road . The gentleman that first found her came over and told Ed he had adopted the sweet corgi and named her Cher . He said who ever dumped her had not taken good care of her . She was not neutered , they found three tumors , had an infection and her teeth were so badly decayed they all had to be pulled . Her new owner connected with a Corgi rescue group who paid for all of her treatment . She is now spayed , the tumors have been removed and she is on antibiotics for the infections . She lives happily with her new owner and his pet bunny . March 4 , 2016 First a note : This isn 't in scene order . I 'm working on the scene that follows The Memory Painting but wanted to get up a post today . I got this idea as I was hunting through things in our house looking for missing things for our sons . Sue snorted . " Not unless you have more people coming to help . I thought after a day of going through things and packing up , we might want to chill out with a glass or three . " " Once you see the amount of stuff stashed away in here , you 'll probably wish you brought a case , " Ivy said . " I think my mother saved every margarine tub they emptied in the last fifteen years . And that 's in addition to owning every kitchen storage container ever invented . I 've filled four bags for recycling and six boxes for charity and I haven 't even started on the bottom cabinets in the kitchen . " " Is that where you want to work today ? " Sue dropped her hobo bag on top of the clothes she 'd piled on a chair . Ivy hid a grin . It was nice to see that becoming a hot shot lawyer hadn 't changed her friend 's basic nature . " No . I can do a cabinet or drawer when I break from working or while I 'm watching TV . I 'd really like company tackling my dad 's study and my parents ' room . It feels wrong to go through their things and I need you to push me if I stall out . " Sue rubbed her hands together . " Goodie . You know I love looking into other people 's private spaces . It 's one of the reasons , I love being a lawyer . I know all the secrets even though I can never tell anyone else about them . " " Hey , nosy is a good character trait for a lawyer . " She tucked her arm through Ivy 's . " So where shall we start - the study or the bedroom . " An hour later , Sue slammed the last file drawer . " I don 't think I 've ever gone through a more boring office . Or a more organized one . He has every receipt filed and cross referenced . " " The bedroom , I 'm almost - " Ivy bumped into a stack of the boxes she 'd already packed . She grabbed for the teetering boxes and dropped the books in her arms . They fell and as she lunged for them , the boxes crashed down . She groaned . " Nothing like making more work for myself . " Ivy huffed out a breath and settled down on the floor beside the pile of books and boxes . " Not my idea of fun . Fun is getting out of the house and building a snowman . Fun is … " she moved a box and stared at the edge of a fifty dollar bill hanging out of one of the books . She pulled it out and held it up to the light . It looked real . She rubbed it between her fingers . Felt real too . But what was it doing in a book . Ivy looked at the spine . A biography of FDR . She riffled through the pages and she held the book upside down . A twenty dollar bill floated out . She laid the two bills to the side and picked up another book . No money fell from that one or the next but three twenties and a ten fell out of the fourth book . She sat back and looked at the two shelves of remaining books and all the boxes she 'd already packed . If her father had been hiding money in books … she shook her head . When had he started doing that ? And why ? She doubted she 'd find the answers to those questions , but she was going to shake every book in this house to see what else he 'd squirreled away . She started to call Sue and then smiled . No , she 'd go through at least the boxes on the floor and see how much she found . Sue would be sorry she 'd called dibs on the files then . She was almost finished with all the books from the fallen boxes when Sue called her name . Ivy glanced at the neat piles of bills beside her . Most were fives , tens and twenties , but she 'd found a couple more fifties and even one hundred dollar bill . Time to let Sue in on the treasure hunt . " Ivy , I found something you should see , " Sue said walking into the room . She stopped short and her eyes widened . " Where did all that money come from ? Did you find a safe ? " " It was in the books . Not every book but a lot of them so I 'm rechecking all the ones I 've already packed . Want to join me on my treasure hunt ? " " No . " She took Ivy 's hand and pulled her out of the room . " I 'd gone through the dressers and bedside tables . Nothing very interesting , but I separated things I thought you might want and packed up all the clothes . Then I looked under the bed . " Ivy stared at the papers in it . Papers and pictures . She dropped to her knees and lifted some out . There were pictures she 'd drawn in school from preschool on . Cards she 'd made for her mother and father for holidays and special occasions . Notes from teachers praising her artistic efforts . Tears filled her eyes . She hadn 't thought her parents cared about her drawings . They 'd always tried to steer her toward a more practical career . Like accounting or nursing . " This was on top . " Sue said and held out a heavy piece of drawing paper . It had been torn in half and carefully repaired . " It 's the one you did in tenth grade isn 't it ? The picture of your brother . " Ivy took the portrait she 'd drawn from pictures and memories . " I gave it to my mother for her birthday . She yelled at me . Said it wasn 't him , nothing like him . Then she tore it in half and ran to her room crying . That 's when I decided to leave as soon as I finished school . All I did was make them unhappy . She ran her fingers over the softened edges . It looked like it had been handled many times over the years . Handled with care . Her chest ached . " She cherished it , Ivy . And not just because it was a picture of Donny . I think she loved it because it came from you . That and every other picture here . " Ivy stared at the ugly plastic box . It had been fun finding money hidden in her father 's books , but Sue had found the real treasure . At least for her . Proof that her mother had cared about her , at least a little . She was barely aware of Sue leaving the room as she sat on the floor with the picture in her arms and cried for the parents and the closeness they had never been able to achieve . March 3 , 2016 The buzz of the doorbell broke Ivy 's concentration . She stepped back from the canvas and rolled her shoulders to ease the ache she hadn 't felt while she worked . The doorbell buzzed again . Longer . It sounded like the person outside was pressing the button down without letting up . She thought about ignoring it but the damage was done . She 'd been pulled out of the world she was creating . Now , her fingers cramped , her stomach growled and her eyes burned . She glanced at the wall where the battered rooster clock had once hung then remembered she 'd packed it into the box going to charity . A fist pounded on the front door while the doorbell continued to buzz . She blew out a breath . It had to be Jake . Patience had never been one of his virtues . Wiping her hands on a rag , she walked through the house and opened the door . Jake stood there with his fist drawn back ready for another assault . He lowered his hand . " Thank God . I was beginning to think you 'd fallen and hit your head or something . I 've been ringing the doorbell for the last fifteen minutes . I was almost ready to break a window . " " I was working . Do you always go visiting at the crack of dawn ? " As soon as she said it , she realized she was wrong . It was well past dawn and there were several inches of snow on the ground outside . The last time she 'd looked , there had only been a dusting . Jake stomped his feet on the mat and followed her . " I haven 't had lunch either . Why don 't you grab your coat and we can go to Wyatt 's for a burger . The roads are pretty clear . " Saliva pooled in her mouth at the thought of a Wyatt Burger . Thick , juicy , topped with Swiss cheese , leaf lettuce and sliced tomatoes . She swallowed and pressed a hand to her grumbling stomach . Lunch wasn 't the only meal she 'd missed . Yesterday , she 'd wandered into the kitchen to zap a bowl of soup then she 'd looked at the canvas she 'd prepped and had a vision of the picture she wanted to create . She never had heated up that soup . " I 'm fine . " She tugged but he didn 't let go . " I told you I had been working . Aluminum has sharp edges when you cut it . Her hand warmed where he touched it . It felt good . Right . She jerked it back and tucked it in her pocket . n " I decided to do a different picture . " She chewed on her lip . " Wyatt 's sounds great , but I 'll need a few minutes to clean up . I could meet you there . They brought my car back yesterday afternoon . " " Yeah , I saw it in the driveway . Go ahead and get ready . I don 't mind waiting . No point in having two cars out in this . " He walked into the living room and perched on the arm of the sofa . Ivy imagined her mother was rolling over in her grave in protest and the corner of her mouth twitched up . " I 'll only be a couple of minutes . " A couple of minutes turned into fifteen once she 'd looked into the bathroom mirror . There was no way she was going out in public with her hair staning out in all directions and shadows under her eyes deep enough to hide a small mammal . She shuddered . No wonder Jake had asked if she was alright . She looked like one of the walking dead . The quick shower she took helped clear the fog from her brain and the few minutes she spent brushing on makeup and twisting her hair up didn 't work miracles , but at least she no longer looked ready for a coffin . She pulled on a clean pair of jeans and her favorite tunic then walked back to the living room . Jake no longer perched on the sofa . She glanced out the front window and saw his car still parked behind hers in the driveway . Where had he - the kitchen . Her picture . She ran through the house and her sock - clad feet skidded on the tile floor . Jake stood by the table looking down on the canvas she 'd placed there when she began gluing on the metal pieces . " I can hear the music of the carousel and the screams from the roller coaster , " he murmured . " I smell Italian sausage and hot grease . " He turned to face her . " Ivy , it 's , it 's , " he shook his head and turned back to the canvas . " Wonderful is too tame a word . You said you didn 't paint . This is a painting , not just beer cans and glass . The little girl by the ring toss stand - that 's you isn 't it . And the young man with you ? " " My brother , Donny . It 's the last time we went to the fair . " She stepped up beside him . " It 's not finished yet . I just started on the ferris wheel . " He shook his head . " I would never have believed old cans could be turned into a roller coaster that feels like it 's moving and you can already tell the ferris wheel is going to be amazing . " He reached for her hands and held them lightly . " I 'm awed by your talent , Ivy . I always have been . " He met her gaze . " I should have . I should have said a lot of things I didn 't . I think I was afraid once you realized how talented you were , you 'd wonder why you had hooked up with a third rate hockey player . Then I 'd lose you . " His mouth twisted . " And guess what happened anyway . " February 6 , 2016 I am calling this one later for a couple of reasons . First , it 's late . I should have written and put it up yesterday and it 's later in the story . It 's late because I wasn 't sure exactly what the next scene would be and had to think through some ideas . I also had the joy of spending yesterday with my niece , her husband , my two absolutely adorable grandnephews and my sister - in - law . It 's interesting writing a story using the prompts . I do find it spurs my creativity . It is also " seat of my pants " writing because this wasn 't a story I had planned to write and I only have a vague idea of where it is going . Jake tossed his keys onto the table by the front door and hung his jacket on the oak coat rack . It had been a long night . Some people in Virginia freaked at even the mention of snowfall and any accumulation meant accidents . Lots of fender benders and cars in ditches . A few injuries serious enough to warrant a trip to the ER , but thankfully , no fatalities . He 'd driven by Ivy 's house before coming home . There was a light on in the back of the house . He hadn 't stopped . He needed sleep before he saw her again . He wanted - needed - to be alert and focused when they talked . There was something she needed to know . Something that affected both of them equally . He walked into the bedroom , toed off his shoes and flopped onto the bed fully clothed . Snow still fell outside , but soft light shone through the uncovered bedroom window and glinted off the piece suspended in front of it . Blue , green , white , brown and crystal chips of glass floated in a web of multi colored strings . It swayed in the heat rising from the vent below the window and some of the glass clicked together . Back and forth , meeting and pulling apart . Light and shadows flicked across his face and he closed his eyes thinking of dreams lost and dreams found . February 3 , 2016 " Your brother 's a cop ! " Ivy held her cell phone between her ear and shoulder while she painted the canvas with quick slashes of blue paint . " How the hell did that happen and why didn 't you tell me he was living here now . " " " I don 't ' want to talk about your brother . I don 't want to hear what he 's doing and I don 't care where he is . " " Sue said . " Sound familiar ? I don 't remember you telling me you had changed your mind on any of that , Ivy . If you want to know how and why he left hockey and went into the police academy , you 'll need to ask him . Then you can tell the rest of us because he hasn 't . We 'd barely recovered from the shock of learning he 'd been a cop in Buffalo for three years when he took the job here . " Ivy stepped back from the canvas and decided it was enough . Switching her phone to the other ear , she carried the brush to the sink and turned on the water to rinse out the paint . " You should have told me , Sue . " " And give you another excuse to could put off dealing with your parents ' estate ? " Sue snorted . " I 'd have been a bad friend and a worse lawyer if I 'd let you do that . " Her voice softened . " It 's time , Ivy . You can 't move forward until you have put the past behind you . " " So you keep saying . " Ivy set her brush in a ball jar bristles up . " I still think having a moving company come in to box everything up and move it to a storage unit would have served the same purpose . " " You can still do that if you want . No one is stopping you . " Ivy freed her phone and rolled her shoulders to ease the stiffness . " I 'm here now so I might as well go through it and get rid of anything I don 't want to keep . " She looked around the arid landscape of her mother 's kitchen . Beige . Everything in here was some shade of beige . Her gaze went to the canvas on her easel and the bright orange Gerber daisy in a sunny yellow pot she 'd placed on the kitchen table . Well , not everything . Not any more . " I 'll be there bright and early Saturday morning to help , " Sue said . " Look , my next appointment is here . Don 't worry about Jake . Unless you plan on robbing a bank or spraying graffiti on the train overpass , you won 't even need to see him . Bye . " " Bye , " Ivy said and stuck the phone in her pocket . She hadn 't told Sue Jake had come by the house today . Or about his insistence on talking to her . She wandered down the hall and stopped beside one of the closed doors . She 'd been here almost a week now and she still hadn 't been inside . She touched the knob and a shiver passed down her spine . Feeling like a coward , she spun around and walked to her old bedroom . Reaching down into one of the boxes littering the floor , she pulled out a stuffed giraffe . Ivy cradled it in her arms and sat on the edge of the bed . It was a souvenir from happier times . She 'd been nine when her brother won it for her at the county fair . He 'd groaned when she pointed to the bright purple one with lime green spots . " Are you sure that 's the one you want ? Mom 's going to hate it , " Donny warned her . " The pink and white one would match your room better . " He shrugged his shoulders and handed her the giraffe . It was half as tall as she was but she hugged it tightly and insisted on carrying it back to the car herself . " So does your new friend have a name , " he asked once they were settled in his pickup . " His name is Magners . " He looked at her and then at the giraffe and started to laugh . " Magners . Yeah , he looks like something you might see if you drank too much of it . Just don 't tell Mom and Dad where you got the name , ok . " Neither one of them had ever explained the name to her parents , but looking at Magners had always made Donny burst out laughing . Even at the end , when the cancer was killing him , she 'd bring Magners with her into his room and he 'd smile . " I guess that 's why I 've dragged you all over the country with me , you poor old giraffe . Every time I look at you , I hear Donny laughing and remember the fun we had that day . He never blamed me , you know ? He told me that . He said it wasn 't my fault my bone marrow didn 't match his . " January 29 , 2016 Ivy wondered if she was hallucinating . Jake hated her art and the piece he said he bought had sold for more than a thousand dollars . Now he 'd taken her reflexive step back in disbelief as an invitation . She narrowed her eyes . Maybe that was why he had said it . To throw her off , get through her defenses . She had no way of knowing if it was the truth . He glanced around the room and she winced . There were full and partially full boxes stacked in the hall and the living room . In practically every room , but she had no intention of letting him go any further . " I 'm packing , not unpacking , " she said . " My parents ' things . I have to get a lot of stuff out of the house before I can stage it to sell . " She shrugged and glanced around the room . Her mother had gone for blue in a big way in here . Light blue walls , navy slipcovers on the upholstered furniture , blue and white porcelain vases and cobalt blue glass . Individually the pieces and the colors were fine , but combined with the bland maple of the furniture , it was just … she sighed , boring . Traditional , staid and boring . It had matched her parents ' personalities perfectly . " I don 't know what I 'm doing yet , but I can 't live in this house . " Her breath caught and she turned away worried about what he might see on her face . Every minute she spent here , she could feel her parents ' disappointment . Their resentment . The weight of it had almost broken her . He shook his head and touched her shoulder . She stepped away from the warmth of his fingers . " Their loss , Ivy . You filled this house with sunshine and joy , but they were too blind and too angry to see it . " " I tried . I kept trying . When my father had the stroke and mother was too decrepit to take care of him , I offered to move back . They preferred strangers to their daughter . " She walked over to the wide picture window and fingered the navy and white print drapes . A squirrel ran across the lawn and scurried up into an oak tree still hanging to a few brown leaves . Snow dusted the ground and the black fur of the small shaggy dog chasing after it . The dog jumped up and down under the tree practically turning flips while the squirrel sat on a branch and chattered at it . " See that dog out there ? " She pointed and looked over her shoulder at Jake . He walked over and nodded . " She belongs to the Johnsons . Her name is Misty and she thinks she is a hunting dog . Always chasing squirrels and rabbits . " " She chases that same squirrel up that same tree five times a day . She 's never going to catch it , but she wears herself out trying . Sometimes , it 's better to stop . To realize you are never going to catch the damn squirrel , so you might as well give up and move on . " Ivy shook off the melancholy that settled over her like a shroud every time she let her defenses down . " I need to get back to what I was doing before my painted dries up . " " NO ! " She inhaled and slowly blew it out . Painting pictures was as futile an endeavor for her as chasing the squirrel was for Misty . But unlike Misty , she knew when to give up . " I 'm painting a large canvas to use as a background in one of my pieces . " " Glad to hear it . So what kind of thing are you creating with the crushed beer cans . Guess it 's not one of your mobiles if you 're using a canvas . " " Your favorite flowers . You always said they looked happy . " He smiled and she smiled back for a minute remembering the good times . " Remember when - " they said simultaneously . Chief of what , she wondered as he walked away from her , closer to the door . As far as she knew , there were no chiefs in ice hockey . Or any other sport for that matter . " " What ? When ? Right , I can be there in five minutes . " He slid the phone back in his pocket . " I have to go , Ivy . " She watched him walk down the steps and over to his car . He left clear footprints in the light snow . " What chief ? " she called as he opened the door . " Chief of police . There was an accident and I 'm on call . See you . " Mouth open , she watched him drive away . A cop ? Jake was a cop ? The bad boy jock was a cop in the town he couldn 't get away from fast enough . Shaking her head , she closed the door . Hallucinating or dreaming . She had to be doing one or the other . There was no way Jake Carter had grown up to be a cop . Can you pick out the words we used as prompts ? Go check Keziah 's blogs for Wednesday and today and see if you can figure it out . I find it fascinating that we get such widely different stories using the same prompts . Jake pulled up in front of the house where Ivy had grown up . He 'd made some calls and discovered this is where she was staying . It would have saved time if Sue had answered his questions , but his sister insisted on maintaining her policy of silence regarding anything to do with Ivy . After five years , he knew better than to batter his head against the wall of neutrality she 'd erected in an effort to maintain her friendship with Ivy without damaging their familial relationship . He grabbed the plastic container she 'd left at the rink last night . She 'd slipped out while he was breaking up a fight between two of the kids . After the game , he 'd discovered she 'd gotten the name and number of a local towing service from one of the parents . The owner of the service was a relative and had been glad to pick Ivy up at the rink and before going to tow in her car . He 'd even given her a lift back to her house . Anything to help out his niece 's coach 's wife , he 'd said when Jake finally ran him down this morning . Sometimes people in this town were just too damn friendly . Jake walked to the front door frowning as he noticed the overgrown bushes on either side of the front porch . Someone could easily hide behind them and not be seen until it was too late to call for help . He 'd bring his hedge clippers over and correct that as soon as possible . Probably not today , he thought as snow began to fall . If this storm dropped as much snow as the forecast predicted , he was going to too busy to prune bushes . He rang the doorbell . Waited and then rang it again . She was home . She had to be . Her car was still at the repair shop and he 'd already checked to make sure she wasn 't with Sue . What did she think , if she didn 't answer the door , he 'd just leave the container and go away . He pounded on the door . " You might as well open up , Ivy , I 'm not going away without talking with you , " he yelled holding his finger down on the doorbell . " IVY . ANSWER THE DAMN - " The door swung open . The sound of David Bowie singing " Heroes " blasted out . " Stop yelling , Jake . You 'll have the neighbors calling the police complaining about the noise . " She rolled her eyes . " Ha , ha . " She reached for the container . " Thanks , but you shouldn 't have bothered . Mom probably has forty of those things . I 'm trying to get rid of them . " Her hand brushed his . The way his body tightened you 'd think she 'd touched his groin . God , she was sexy . The pants she wore hugged her legs like a second skin and he ached to slide the oversized shirt she wore over her head so he could see her curves . It looked like she 'd filled out in all the right places over the last few years . Not that there had been anything wrong with the way she 'd looked before . She 'd always been his wet dreams come to life . She shook her head and several rich brown strands of hair drifted out of the messy knot on the top of her head . He almost drooled . " I 'm working . " He smiled . " I already figured that out . " He brushed a finger over her cheek . " You have a little blue paint right here and a David Bowie album is turned up almost to the point of pain . " " It 's been five years , Jake . We 're divorced . There isn 't anything to talk about . " She started to close the door . He stopped it with his hand . " I bought one of your pieces . The one you called " Lost Dreams " made out of pieces of string and thousands of bits of colored broken glass . " Ivy gritted her teeth and leaned forward over the steering wheel as if that would make it easier to see the country road in the driving rain and sleet . What had possessed her to accept the invitation to a jewelry party of all things ? She didn 't even wear jewelry because unless it was 14 K gold , sterling silver or platinum , it made her break out in hives . And to make it impossible to pretend sudden food poisoning or flu , she 'd been talked into baking her decadent dark chocolate cupcakes for the refreshment table . Her BFF was going to owe her big time for this . A horn blared and a dark pickup blew past on her left spraying her windshield with muddy water decreasing visibility even more . Her knuckles whitened and her jaw ached . The car hydroplaned and she eased her foot off the gas . The tires caught the pavement again and she blew out a breath . Maybe she 'd make it in one piece after all . Headlights flashed into her eyes . She flinched and her hands jerked on the wheel . The right front tire hit the edge of the shoulder , blew and the car went into a skid . The next few minutes stretched and blurred as she labored to correct the spin and pull off the road . She managed to shift into park and hit the emergency blinkers before she started shaking . Sleet pinged on the roof and windshield . Her hands cramped and she realized she still held the wheel in a death grip . She carefully unclenched her fingers and let her head fall back against the headrest . " Ma ' am ? " Knock , knock , knock . She wasn 't sure if the pounding came from outside the car or inside her head . " Ma ' am , are you alright ? I 'm calling 911 . " Outside . She shielded her eyes against the flash of light and lowered the window an inch . " No , don 't . I 'm ok . " The light played over her face . Oh , hell . She recognized that voice . Five years wasn 't enough to erase it from her memory . She doubted a lifetime would be long enough . She closed her eyes and prayed he 'd just go away . To her surprise , he left . She watched in the side mirror as he walked to a pickup truck pulled behind her car . She ignored the ache in her chest . She 'd had five years of practice ignoring it . Unwilling to watch him drive away , she unhooked her seat belt and bent to retrieve her purse from the floor of the car . She needed to call to let Sue know what had happened . She could either change the flat herself or call AAA . Either way she was going to be late . Best case scenario , she 'd get there in time to serve the cupcakes . She was punching in Sue 's number when a dark figure appeared on the passenger side of the car . Her mouth dropped open as a thin piece of metal slid down the window . Seconds later , Jake was sitting on her passenger seat bringing the scent of wet wool and musky male along with him . " What the hell do you think you 're doing ? You can 't just break into someone 's car like that , " she said . A penlight flashed into her eyes and she cursed . " Stop shining lights in my eyes . " " I didn 't have an accident . I didn 't hit my head . I have a flat tire which I am perfectly capable of changing so go away . " " Ivy , I 'm not leaving you sitting here alone waiting for a tow truck on a back road . " He checked the time on her dash and winced . " I 'd wait with you but I 'm already late . I 've got a white cloth I 'll tie to your antenna and then you can come with me . You can either wait until the game is over and I 'll give you a ride home or you call someone to pick you up . " Of course he was on his way to a game . Sports always came first with Jake . " Well , I 'm late too , and I have people waiting on me . It 's not that far so if you insist on not leaving me , you can drop me off on your way to the game . I 'm sure your friends will fill you in on what ever happened before you get there . " " Nothing can happen until I get there . I 'm the coach and there are ten kids from the youth hockey club waiting at the rink for me to come so they can play hockey . I think disappointing a group of 8 year olds trumps not making it to my sister 's jewelry party don 't you ? " This time he raised both his eyebrows . God , she hated it when he was right . " Fine . You win . " If it wasn 't impossible , she 'd think Sue had set this whole situation up . She grabbed her purse and they both got out of the car . She stopped to open the back door and lift out the container of cupcakes . They 'd just freeze if she left them in the car . " I didn 't make them for you . " But she 'd thought of him when she made them . She 'd been thinking about him way too much since she 'd moved back to her home town . He pulled into a well - lit parking lot and came to a stop . Silently , they left got out of the truck and walked into the building . A group of boys and girls all suited up and on the ice already cheered . " He 's here . Coach Jake is here . " " No , " he said . He looked straight in her eyes . " Everyone , I 'd like you to meet Ivy . She 's my wife . And she brought cupcakes . " |
I arrived in NY around 3 : 40 this afternoon . I won 't see Max for a few days still . There 's a good reason behind it , I just hate it . And I feel like I 'm cheating him being in the same state and not going to see him . The thing is - I 'll be busy tomorrow and the day after ( Friday and Saturday ) . And Shaun and I talked about it and we agreed on what is best for MAX . . . because that 's what parenting is about - what 's best for the child . And even though it 's killing me inside , I agree that it 's best for him . If you 're a parent , and even if you 're not , hopefully you 'll understand where Shaun and I are coming from , and agree with us . I arrived in buffalo around quarter to 4 . By the time I got back to my area , it 'd be around 5 : 30 , 6 : 00 by the time I got to Shaun 's . Bedtime is around 9 , that 's 3 hours MAXIMUM that I 'd be able to see him . So then I would leave , and tomorrow is a wedding , and Saturday is a wedding so I won 't be able to see him either of those days . So we agreed if I saw him today , it would be almost like teasing him . Giving him something he 's wanted for so long ( Mommy ) , only to take her away again ( for 2 more days ) . He 's only 3 and a half . And while , yes , I think he 's very smart , I don 't think he 's patient enough , nor would he understand that I 'll be back in a couple days . All he would see was that Mommy left for a long time , Mommy came back for a very very short time , then Mommy left again . So he would be heartbroken . And then he would be angry and anxious and sad . Shaun doesn 't want to have to deal with that , I don 't want to do that to my son , and I don 't want Max to feel that way . So . . . he doesn 't know Mommy 's back yet . And there is NOTHING I want more than to go get him . I 've chosen not to bring him to either wedding , also for a good reason . If I brought him , I would be consumed with Max . I would be kissing him and hugging him and holding him . We would be acting silly , and paying absolutely no attention to the ceremony . And I feel that would be extremely disrespectful to the couple , even with my distance from my son . So , he 's staying away for that . Anyway , Tim and I got up at 4 : 30 this morning to get ready , packed into the car , and get me to the airport . I checked in and said goodbye to him . I told him NOT to stand there and watch me til he couldn 't see me anymore . I wanted him to be able to go home and go back to sleep before getting up for work , also I know that I wouldn 't be able to handle it , seeing him standing there , as I walked away , him getting smaller . And I almost think that was the better decision . . . however I hurt so terribly when I turned around and saw him walking away , and then he was the one who was gone . As soon as he got home , we were texting for a bit , then I let him go back to sleep , and I waited to board . Skip ahead to my arrival in Atlanta . I turned me phone on when we landed . I saw that my mom had texted me saying " Safe Travels ! " so I texted her back telling her that I had just landed in Atlanta . She mentioned a haircut , then went straight to asking me and Max over for breakfast , lunch , or dinner on Sunday . I told her I really wasn 't sure I would be able to make it , because it would be my first day with Max , and I really wanted it to be just us . She immediately got upset with me , accusing me of choosing my dad over her . ( I 'm staying at my dad 's house - I lived her the past year , he has a room for Max , and a room for me , she lives in a one bedroom apartment . ) I told her that I wouldn 't be spending the day with Dad and my stepmom Donna , that if I wanted to be left alone , they would easily leave me alone to be with Max . I told her that if I were to go to her house , he would be consumed with Grandma , I haven 't seen my son in two and a half months , that I wanted to spend time with just him . I didn 't want to fight over him with her . ( She didn 't text me back for 6 hours when she then acted just fine , and again said that she hoped she 'd see me on Sunday . ) My mom and I are close , but sometimes , I just cannot get along with her . She fights me over small things , she pushes me when I want things to be left alone , if I 'm upset with her , she continues to make it worse . I love my mother , I really do . Sometimes I just wish she would just STOP . . . and then try again later or something . Or LISTEN to what I 'm trying to tell her . If she were in a similar situation , she would also want her OWN TIME with her child , and not want to share . That 's all I want . My own time . With my own child . Anyway , so I was sitting on a cold chair , in a big airport , by myself , with my mother complaining to me about wanting to see Max and I , on my very first day back with my son . I did my best to push it out of my mind , after complaining a little bit to my stepmom ( who , may I add , is morelike a best friend to me , than a stepmom ) , and bought a magazine , then boarded the next flight . I landed in Buffalo , walked through the airport at lightning speed , and approached the big glass wall that divides picker - uppers , from the picker - uppees . I spotted my dad just beyond the doors , arms crossed , glasses in one hand , searching . . . He saw me and did his , " Hi Piglet ! ! ! ! " wave , and I of course waved back and picked up the pace . When I crossed through the doors , he hurried over and threw his arms around me . I almost cried . I 've always been a Daddy 's Girl , and I missed my daddy . We laughed and talked and joked , and I was so glad to be home . We got pizza for dinner , then went out for ice cream . Donna and I watched some TV and did a LOT of talking , we all shared pictures we had on our computers of Max ( I showed them the pictures Shaun sent me via DropBox from when they went to Darien Lake ) , Tim called me ( and later texted me ) and now I 'm sitting in my room . It 's almost 1am , and I 'm alone . I should be used to this right ? We were apart for so much of our relationship . We 've been together almost a year now , and yet we 've only been TOGETHER for like . . . 4 months . And it 's only for two weeks that we 'll be apart . But I always got used to him after even a week . I 've been with him for so long ( which isn 't even long ! ) that now , I can 't imagine NOT being with him . I 'm afraid of even trying to sleep , I know it will be too quiet , too lonely . . . I 'm missing my husband , AND my son . Like . . . what do I even do now . But I just pulled my Mirena out . Tim and I have been talking about it a lot and we 're getting impatient so I went into the bathroom , then reached in , grabbed the strings , and pulled it out . I didn 't feel it coming out at all , the only way I knew it was out was because I was holding it . Literally didn 't feel a thing . Tim 's gonna shit a brick when he wakes up tomorrow and sees my IUD sitting on the bathroom counter ( on a Kleenex ) . He 's been joking about doing it himself for weeks but tonight he said he was too scared . And told me to do it . Or wait til we could get a doctor appt . Well . I got impatient and once something gets into my mind , I do it . Don 't get all excited yet , it could take MONTHS and more MONTHS before we get pregnant . And also we want to tell people when we 're ready that we 're trying . And I do still need to get a doctor and get all that set up . So don 't say a word . BUT I ' M SO EXCITED . But don 't say anything . Except to me . CUZ I ' M EXCITED . And incredibly stupid for taking it out myself . But still excited . We went out yesterday and got a new bunny . He 's very different from Marcie . Obviously it 's a boy , he 's a different breed and older so he 's a LOT bigger than she was , he 's black and white . . . I haven 't had him out much and so far he 's not a big explorer , but when we got him they said they thought he might have a UTI which can be treated with a visit to the vet , but also we could try some cranberry juice diluted in his water . So we 're gonna try that . But I was also thinking he might not be super exploratory because of the UTI . So . That might be it . He wasn 't a big fan of being moved out of his little cage at the store and he gave me a nice scratch across my entire right boob . And I know you don 't really wanna hear this , but my boobs are big . So it 's a long scratch . Looks a little bit like someone thought my boobs were fake and cut across the top of a boob to try to just grab out an implant . Because I know you 're concerned , and very curious about my cleavage . Anyway , new bunny 's name is Pierre . He 's a big boy and all of his stuff is pink from Marcie . So I didn 't want it to be a very manly name . I asked lots of people for name ideas for a not - manly bunny and I got lots of great ideas . A friend was the one who came up with Pierre . She told me to actually look at french boy names , and then gave Pierre as an example . I 'm going with it . I didn 't grow up in the middle of NOWHERE , but it was a small town . Not as small as surrounding areas , but it wasn 't big by far . I listen to country music and my dream is to have a huge plot of land and an old farmhouse smack in the middle of it . Tim wants a ' burro ' and some goats and I want dogs and a clothesline and we want our kids to have dirt bikes and four wheelers and a barn to store them all in . When I hear songs about " old country roots " and whatever , I wish that I grew up in areas like that . I want my daughter to grow up with long blonde hair and cowboy boots , white cotton dresses , and know the inside of an old Chevy 's engine . I hate the city . I don 't even live in a CITY city , it 's just like an overgrown town . But I hated having to go into the actual city , let alone a city the whole state is known for . I don 't have red hair or freckles , I 'm not a vampire or dead or anything . But my skin . . . GLOWS in the dark . My skin is so white . How have satellites not picked me up because I reflect so much light I ' M SO WHITE ? Last weekend we went out shooting . Well . The guys went shooting , I went ' watching ' and ' sitting ' and ' BURNING . ' I told Tim before that I don 't tan , I 'm either pasty pathetic white , or I 'm lobster red . There is no pretty pink , there 's no golden tan . I have only two extremes . And right now , I have both . I burnt my thighs so bad it still hurts to touch them , 4 days later . I 've used half a bottle of lotion on my burns . And some of the red is fading away and my skin is returning to white . My arms lost the red and are back to white . My feet are splotchy now because some of that burn is returning to white . Coolest chick ever ? Me . So I 'm registered online now with Tricare . But I don 't know how to set up a specific doctor 's office . There 's a page where I can go through available offices nearby , but I don 't know what in the world I 'm even looking at . So I need Tim to come home and do that part . Because he probably knows what he 's doing better than I do . But I think when we went and signed up they said that I would be able to make appointments right here online . Which is good . Because I HATE talking on the phone . So once we get this things set up fully , I can make an appointment with a family care physician person , then they can refer me to an OB / GYN and I can get my IUD out . And then we can start working on building our family . Yes , I am terrified to introduce my son to the IDEA of a younger sibling , and I will be terrified forever . When he 's older , I will hate that he has to go see his dad while the rest of my children stay with me . I hate that he will be confused and feel outcasted because he has a different father than his brothers and sisters . But I know that he will lose those siblings with his whole heart . He 's an amazing little boy , he 's going to be an amazing young man , and an amazing man . He 's going to love those kids . And he 's going to be excited about them someday . I LOVE the show . I haven 't kept up with it on TV at all , but a few years ago they showed 3 episodes back to back every weekday and I would watch those . They usually went in order ( there were a few mix - ups but normally it was fine ) . At one point it switched back to the beginning and I stopped watching because I didn 't want to just start over . Anyway . I stopped watching . Then I moved down here to Texas and my darling husband has Hulu . So I can watch a TV series start to finish . So , I chose Grey 's Anatomy . Anyway , I 'm now on Season 6 . And I 'm starting to hate it . Some of it is just getting boring , lame , irritating . Some of these new actresses are horrible , I just don 't like their characters . It 's weird . I don 't know . I 'm irritated with it . I was just trying to find an interesting blog to read through and possibly decide to follow it . I need to find things that I can use to spice up my own blog . I need ideas and hints and whatever . Oh , anyway , I was going through and hit like 4 blogs in a row that were Romanian . And a little thing popped at the top of my screen asking if I wanted the blog translated . Nope , I just wanna get to the next one . One that preferably is in English . Because that 's the only language I speak fluently . Tonight is the kind of night I just wanna cry . I made a dinner that I thought Tim would be really excited about . I used his special seasoning that he likes ( and I 'm super picky so I don 't usually use anything except salt pepper and garlic powder ) and he didn 't seem like he liked it . Granted , he ate a ton . He didn 't finish his chicken though , and got seconds of the rice . I skyped with my son after dinner . He 's with his dad til September . The picture is kind of fuzzy and I couldn 't really understand a whole lot because he 's still young ( he 's only 3 and a half ) , but I could tell he was talking about trains and he was so animated and excited to talk to me ( we talk almost every day ) . It made me feel great , until the end when I had to say goodbye . I hate saying bye to him . We always say that we love each other , miss each other , then we do " Biiiig Kisss ! " and put both hands to our both , kiss hard , and then spread our hands our so its like letting the kiss fly away . And then I have to say goodbye . Which usually ends with a second ' I love you , ' and another bye before hanging up . We had no ice cream so I made cookies . I used to make PERFECT chocolate chip cookies . The past 2 times I 've made cookies , they 've turned out flat and gooey . They 're horrible . They taste fine , but they look like a toddler threw some puke into the oven and baked it for ten minutes . ( Some of them turned out OK , I threw about half of them in the trash ) It all made me feel like crap . Climbing into bed . . . I couldn 't stand myself . What kind of a mother am I to leave my three year old with his dad . How can I be thinking about having another baby with Tim when I can 't even give my own son my undivided attention ? I can 't be there with him . I have his teddy bear that I made him at Build - A - Bear a couple years ago , with his little undershirt on him that I keep by my bed ( and after Tim goes to work Teddy is my cuddle companion ) and his picture next to the bed . How can I be a good mom from here ? Needless to say , I 'm up now . Crying , obviously . Hating myself . Now they flatten . Every time . Well , okay , I 've only tried twice . But I made perfect cookies in high school and when I lived with Shaun . Then I took a year off and now I can 't make a nice round light brown cookie . It 's flat . I 've tried making them with all butter , and I 've tried making them half butter half shortening . I don 't know what to do . It 's really taking a toll on my ego . Is it because of the altitude in Texas ? Is it even that different from New York ? Do I need to add a little extra flour ? I 'm so frustrated ! My cookies were once perfect , beautiful cookies . Now they 're pancakes . And horrible . I am NOT HAPPY . I 'm not an ugly girl . I 'm not hideous . I 'm not hugely fat , I don 't have scars covering my face . But I 'm not an overly beautiful person . Yet when I go outside to walk the dog , I get beeped at , whistled at . . . And I thought that living in El Paso and being so white ( I don 't tan well , I 'm either ghostly white , or burnt ) that I would be hit on by Mexicans . As racist as that sounds ( but mostly by experience from back in NY ) . Yet as far as I can tell , the cars that go by with the individuals who are apparently looking at me , are white . I never got hit on back in NY by white guys . Well . Except a few of the guys in high school . That was YEARS ago . Why are white guys interested in me now ? I 'm married . Hahahahaha which reminds me of I spent the evening at my in - laws . We were eating dinner and Tim 's uncle was next to me and he moved his leg and his foot accidentally hit mine . I jokingly said , " WHAT ARE YOU DOING I AM A MARRIED WOMAN ! ! " And everyone laughed . It was funny . Tim and I have been married since December . He 's very family oriented and sometimes I think he 's as upset as I am that Max isn 't with us full time . He cannot wait to be a dad , and he 's so excited for Max to come down and be with us . He 's excited to do family things . He 's also excited for me to have a baby . I currently have the Mirena , and IUD form of birth control . He 's always joking about removing it himself so that we can get pregnant . Last week we went to Tricare ( military health insurance ) and moved me over from the " Standard " care plan over to the " Prime " care plan . However , we were told that this change in coverage doesn 't become active until August 1st . Anyway , we went over to register me with the doctor 's office and whatnot and they said , " OK , you 're all set to start making your appointments ! " . . . Does that mean I 'm SET SET and can actually make my appointments ? Or do I still need to wait until August ? Tim wants me to call and try to make an appointment for ASAP to get my IUD removed . . . I want to wait until August . It 's not that I don 't want to , I 'm just very uncomfortable talking with people I don 't know , and I HATE talking on the phone and I 'm nervous that I 'll call and they 'll be like , " Oh well you 're not set until August . " and then I 'll feel like an idiot and embarrassed . Anyway . We 're excited and can 't wait to have it removed so that we can start trying to conceive soon . We took Trans Mountain Road out to the outlet mall which runs through the mountains , it 's curvy and you can see a lot of very flat , flat land on the other side of the mountains , but the mountains themselves are sort of beautiful . Not extremely because it is Texas and everything is sandy and has tumbleweeds and whatnot , but being that I 've never been that close to mountains before , they had a sense of beauty and wonder about them . Needless to say , I filled my cameras memory with pictures of the hills and the view between them . Once we got to the mall , he mentioned going into a Vans store and looking at little shoes for little tiny children . We spent the next hour and a half going through all the baby and children 's stores ( and some shoe stores ) looking at infant and small child apparel . We made a ton of faces at each other and said a lot of , " This is so cute , can we have a baby right now ? " He made the yanking motion with his hands a few times , signalling he was ready to pull my IUD out himself right then and there . During one of our conversations he even joked that when he came home from work everyday he wouldn 't let me see the baby because he would be too busy cuddling and playing with her ( or him ) . " As soon as I get home from work that baby is MINE . " We 've had names picked out for a few months . We 're just so excited . I 've had baby fever since Max was like . . . 2 months old . Haha . Even Tim 's starting to get it . He notices every pregnant woman who walks by , everyone in a movie , all small children and babies . Don 't get me wrong , I am a little nervous . We haven 't been married long , definitely haven 't been living together long , we don 't have a whole lot of money . . . Are we even ready ? And what about Max ? How would he handle having a younger brother or sister ? He did great for awhile with the little boy I was nannying back in NY . Whenever Jordan cried , Max was right there giving him a toy or putting his binkie in his mouth . He was excited to see him everyday . And then it started seeming like he didn 't like him anymore . He was getting distant with me ( I think because he felt like he had to compete for my attention or that Jordan was my main priority and not himself ) and was starting to act up , and he started saying that he didn 't want to go to Mommy 's house ( from Daddy 's ) and I think it was because he was worried Jordan would be there and he wouldn 't be the center of attention . So how would Max handle it ? He 's only three . Granted , by the time the baby is born , Max will be four . But with all the in - between Max is going to be doing until he 's FIVE ( because of the custody agreement between his father and I ) is it selfish or stupid to bring a baby into the house ? I 'm terrified I might make the wrong decision about this . I want to give Tim a baby so badly , he 's going to be a fantastic father , but I 'm so nervous about how my own baby is going to do with such a big change . And what if I pick a favorite ? I know so many moms are like , " I love all my children equally , " but I 'm terrified my brain is going to go crazy and I 'm going to love Max more because he was my first or I 'm going to love the new baby because his dad is my husband and not my ridiculous ex whom I 'm not a huge fan of . Will I treat Max different because I won 't have him all of the time ? Like when he 's with me , am I going to neglect the new baby because I 'm going to be trying to catch up on my lost time with Max ? Will I lose that connection I feel with Max and feel like maybe it won 't be repaired and just . . . lose him completely ? I 'm terrified . I 've always dreamed of having a big family though ( not huge , but three or four kids ) and I so badly want to continue building that family . And I feel like my sitting here everyday with no children is just wasting my time . I could be growing a human being right now . Tim works all day and I . . . clean and watch TV . Wouldn 't his hard work be better met with my taking care of children ? Instead of spending all day by myself ? My mind is going insane right now . I really should probably go to bed . But lately I 've been thinking way too much and can 't get to sleep until super late . And of course tonight I was chatty and giggly and the poor man is trying to sleep . I 'll probably go in soon and try to get to sleep . Goodnight dear fans . < 3 So last time I was whining about how I feel unnoticed . That day we had gone to Wal Mart and I 'd gotten 2 books and a puzzle and a game . The next day I made him play Scrabble with me . We played two games . We had a lot of fun and it was great . And he 's been helping me with my puzzle a little bit . One of the books I got is called The Book of Awesome and it 's a ton of things that are awesome . It explains what makes each thing awesome ( for example of the things is ' taking a bra off after a long day ' and it goes to say something like you don 't realize how uncomfortable you are until you get comfortable or something like that . You don 't know how awful it is until you 're free of it . I don 't know , something like that ) and there 's like a hundred in the book . But I read a few of those out loud to him and we laughed and talked about each one . And it was nice . I don 't need a ton of time for him to just sit with me and pay attention to me like I 'm a child . But I will take the time that I get , and I will ask for the time that I need . And I will not take him , or that time , for granted . He 's an amazing man . And he loves me . And I love him . He doesn 't ignore me . He just doesn 't know how to . . . I don 't know the phrasing . He 's never been in a super serious relationship before like this . I 've had Andrew and I 've had Shaun . Unfortunately Mike even sort of counts . This is a learning process . For both of us . So . I 'm in Texas . Shaun and I came up with an agreement to give me permission to move to be with my husband , Tim , down in Texas . Shaun and I will have Max for a few months each , before handing him off to the other for a few months . Shaun has Max for the first interval thing so that I can get everything settled down here so that Max comes down to a set room and not a big mess . Which is also turning out to be a trial for me . If I can actually handle it . I get Max back the first week of September . Which is another two months . Kill me . Now . It 's horrible . We talk on the phone or Skype at least once a day so I can still talk to him and see him , but it 's so hard to be away from him . He 's my baby . He 's been my entire life for 4 years , if you count from the minute I found out I was pregnant . Which is when he became the center of my world . He saved my life . He brought me out of depression . And now I cannot hold him . I can 't whisper in his ear , or fluff his hair up when he wakes up from his nap because he 's got ' sweaty - head ' and I can 't rock him when he 's tired or sad . I don 't have my baby . I feel empty . But I 'm doing the best I can . Tim doesn 't want me to get a job , and I don 't mind that at all . He wants to ' be the man ' and support me and my son , as well as our future children . As of right now , I clean during the day and do whatever I 'd like ( watch TV , play with the bunny , play with the dog , read , do puzzles , whatever ) and at some point I should make dinner . On the weekends he likes to help with dinner . When Max comes down , he will be my full responsibility . I 'll still have to cook and clean like I do now , but I get all day every day to play with my baby . And on the weekends , if Tim doesn 't steal him away ( he can 't wait for Max to come down either ! ) we can do family things , like go bowling , go to the movies , go to the Zoo , look for train tracks , play games . . . I can 't wait . I just want us to be a FAMILY . A real one . Not broken and far apart . And maybe in a few months , maybe in a few years , when we have more kids , things will be easier . Things will be fun and busy . When Max is here , things will be perfect . When he 's not , things will be hard , and lonely , and quiet . But I know that things will be better again and I 'll get Max back soon , and that 's what keeps me going . Tim got Pliskin ( Skinny ) back in February . He 's a Daschund / Corgi mix . He 's adorable and his ears are like . . . the size of his head . They 're huge . I love them . He 's pretty good , he 's a year old . He 's still working on being perfectly potty trained . He prefers to go outside to pee and wander around , and then when we come back inside , two minutes later he poops on the bathroom floor . Whatever . We poop in there too . He just thinks he 's human . No big deal . A week after I got down here , I got a bunny ! She 's a tiny white dwarf and I 'm pretty sure she 's pretty young . Her name is Marcie Mabel . I chose Marcie because if she 's younger than six months and is really a boy , when she matures and starts having boy parts , I can just change her name over to Marcell . She 's adorable . Hates carrots . Loves celery . When Max gets down here , I want to take him to find a fish . He loves going to the store and looking at all the fish . So I want to get him one so he can look at it all the time . Anyway . Today Tim and I went shopping . I wanted to get a book and a puzzle and we needed some groceries . While we were there , we stopped by the games ( they were right next to the puzzles ) . I suggested we get one . He seemed like he didn 't care less . I spend every day , all day , by myself . Then he comes home and we eat dinner and watch tv . I go on the computer and he plays his video games . I wanted to get a few games so that we could have some actual time together . Like real time . After we got married we went to a friends cabin for a night . We sat in front of the fire and played Monopoly . We had just US time . There was nothing else in the world . And I want that back . He comes home and we goof around a little then and before bed and the rest of the time it 's like I 'm still alone . I want to be with him and actually spend time WITH him . I grabbed scrabble and suggested Monopoly or Sorry or even Uno . And he just said he didn 't care . And I couldn 't even tell him how I felt , about wanting to be able to play games with him and interact with him because if I said it I would have started crying . I 'm in a new place , with no friends . I just want someone to talk to , someone to spend time with , someone to listen to me . And I know he 'll be that person , I just need to tell him . I want him to know that I appreciate him and that he 's supporting me , so I want him to be able to do whatever he wants , whenever he wants . But I want him to still see me . I know I 'm spoiled and he gets me whatever I ask for . But all I want is him . I just want his attention . And I get it sometimes . And I know he doesn 't realize he 's ignoring me . And I know that if I say something , I 'll just be your average whiney , nagging wife . And that 's not who I want to be . I love him , and I want him to be happy . So I want him to play his games and do what he wants . Because that makes him happy . And when he 's done with those things , I 'll be waiting . Because to me , it will be worth it . If being a good wife means letting him do his thing until he 's done , then that 's fine . IBuh . I just want him to play with me . In a completely clean manner . Whatever . I 'm done . I 'll write more later . About absolutely nothing . Which is what you ALLLL want to read about . I know . You don 't gotta twist my arm . I 'll give you plenty of CRAP to read . = ] Mmk ? Lately I 've been thinking a lot about Andy . I went to visit him the other day too . . . Yesterday actually . I never know what to say when I 'm there . I feel stupid talking to a grave , but I feel stupid standing there in the silence . I wonder where he is now , if he 's happy . If he 's anywhere . . . Does he think of me ? What does he think of me ? Can you remember those you loved after death ? Is he ashamed of the choices I 've made since he left ? How I 've been living , where I am now , what 's happened , how I 've ' dealt ' ( or lack there of ) with his death ? Anything ? I have so many questions about death , Heaven , what happens , anything . I so badly want to know if he still loves me . Is that selfish ? I miss him and still love him with my whole heart . Does he feel the same ? I love my son , and I love my husband . What happens when I die ? Will I be there as a mother , as a wife , or as Andy 's girlfriend ? I just wish there was a sign so that I knew of him . So that I knew he was well . So that I knew he was still here . I 'm watching Whose Line and a preview just came up for a movie coming out called , " Switched At Birth . " After 16 years , a family is told that they brought home the wrong baby from the hospital . It got me thinking - what would I do in that situation ? Besides cry for days ? Would I give up my child that I 've been raising for 16 years to get my bio child back ? Give up a child I love with my whole heart , a child I have a bond with , for a child who might not feel anything for me at all ? A child I do love , because it 's mine , that I may not ever have that bond with ? And what about the guilt I would be feeling ? How could I bring a child home and not even know that it wasn 't my own ? And what about the hospital ? Would I sue them for making the mistake between two children ? How many times had they messed up before ? How many other families were being torn apart / had already been torn apart / would never know that they weren 't blood related ? My goodness , what in the world ? ? ? I don 't even know what I would do , how I would go about figuring out what to do . . . My ultimate favorite candy ( or just favorite thing in the world in general ) are Reeses peanut butter cups . I can eat them the minute I wake up , two seconds after I fill up on a meal , before bed , middle of the night . Anytime . Easter candy 50 % off . Time to stock up . Jordan is here . I have him 12 hours a day on the days I have him . His mom works 4 10 hour days . Max usually wakes up in the morning between 7 and 8 : 30am . Jordan gets dropped off around 1 : 30pm . Max 's bedtime is 9pm . Jordan usually falls asleep shortly after , but I stay up until he gets picked up ( at 1 : 30am ) because he 's not a great sleeper , I feel uncomfortable sleeping with him still here , and it 's my only " me " time that I get . I use this time to watch my TV shows , play games online , read , have some ice cream ( or of course , Reeses ! ) , whatever . Jordan has a rule though , no sleeping over an hour at a time . He goes back to sleep after sucking on his bottle for about 10 seconds . He doesn 't usually actually drink anything out of it , and I can 't get him to actually drink any , hoping that if he 's waking up because he 's hungry that by having some of his bottle , he 'll sleep a little longer . Tomorrow I don 't have Jordan , I do work ( Kohl 's - usually in the jewelry department , sometimes as a cashier ) 10 - 2pm , and then Max comes home at 5pm from his dad 's . Then we 're going to my mom 's for dinner . I try to take him over to see her at least once a week . We mostly have a good relationship . . . we 've definitely had our moments , and even our years , but usually we get along fine now . Thankfully . It 's important to have supportive parents , no matter how old you are . I think this couch is lopsided . It 's relatively new I think . . . Maybe a few years . Now that I think about it , it 's got to be much older than that . Ten years maybe ? Wow . That 's a lot longer than a ' few . ' Anyway , I think it sinks in where there 's a butt because I kind of tip to one side when sitting in certain spots . My laptop is . . . on my lap . . . and the screen is way uneven . It 's awkward . I 'm trying to make my legs sit evenly for my computer and still have room for my arm to be able to type without restriction from the armrest . It 's not working very well . Not happy . As exciting as this has been for you , and I 'm sure it has been , I 've got to work on my other blog . Well . I still have to do the exercise before I can blog about it . . . Hello , I 'm Tiara Brugger . I 'm 22 years old . Three years ago , February 2008 , I became the mother to a beautiful baby boy . My son , Max Andrew , is my whole life . His cheerful blue eyes , round face , and the beautiful laugh he lets out are what I live for . He 's made me who I am today . He 's WHY I 'm here today . There is one other person who can make my whole day in a matter of seconds ; my husband . Tim and I got married December 23 , 2010 . Four months ago yesterday , I gave the man I love my hand , a soft kiss , and a promise to love him forever . And I sure will . At the moment , Tim is stationed in Texas , in the Army . I 'm currently in New York , working out details with Max 's father so that I 'm able to move to Texas and both of us still be able to have Max . It 's looking like a 3 - month swap ( Him have Max for 3 months , then I have Max for 3 months , he has him , I have him . . . ) which is definitely going to be very hard on both of our parts . Not being able to see Max for that long is going to tear me apart . My place is by my husbands side , while raising my son . This is the only way I can do both . In about a year and a half , Tim can get out of the army , and we 'll move back to NY and go back to normal times with Max . We 're excited to start a family together . Tim absolutely adores Max and is so happy to be his new stepdad , which is something that I am so relieved over . My son if my life , and if someone didn 't accept that , it simply wouldn 't work out , end of story . But Tim is amazing with him ! And I know that Max is going to be an excellent big brother . I nanny 3 - 4 days a week for a little boy named Jordan . He 's 10 months old , and he 's been around Max since he was born . Max is always patting him on the back , giving him some toys , if he starts crying , Max is the first one there to give him his binky . He " knows " what Jordan needs , " Mommy , Baby Doden needs a nap , " or " Mom , Doden needs to eat lunch . " I 'm excited to give him a sibling . I figure to get to know me , I 'll do some of those question things that go around e - mails , myspace , facebook , wherever . Lots of random info . Enjoy getting to know me = ] I 'm 22 - years - old , married to the most amazing man I 've ever known , mother to a perfect - in - my - eyes 3 - year - old . I 'm not overly ambitious and I definitely don 't have many goals , but the few I do have are very important to me . I want to be an amazing mother ( to at least 3 + children ) and a great wife to my husband . I want to spend my days serving my family , making sure they 're well taken care of , healthy , and very very happy . |
I 'm sorry . I truly am . I realize that what I 'm doing will affect a lot of people , but I can 't help it . I 've been battling depression since at least high school . I always thought things might get better someday . But " someday " never came . And I just don 't have it in me to go on anymore . I can 't make it on pills and platitudes . I don 't know what 's going to happen to me on the other side . It can 't be as bad as here . I wish I had time to tell you what it 's been like . Nothing has ever worked out for me , no matter how hard I 've tried . One can only try " one more time " just so many times . I just don 't have it in me anymore . I don 't know how it 's going to get fixed , but the only hope I have left is that things get fixed over there . I think the greatest tragedy in life is when a person loses all hope . Two very appropriate quotes come to mind : " The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure , but from hope to hope . " - - Samuel Johnson " The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation . " - - ThoreauNo one knows what goes thru a person 's mind in those last hours . This is why we should never judge people for this , but only pray for them . One day , Daddy packed me up in my travel box ( which I really never liked ) and took me for a ride . Next thing I knew , we were back at that place where he had first gotten me . I really didn 't like that place much . The people were nice , but it was really noisy and there were dogs there . Dogs should have a separate place so they don 't bother us . Anyway , Daddy gave me to the people there , and they put me into one of those stupid cages ! I couldn 't believe it ! Had I done something wrong ? Did Daddy not want me anymore ? I was all sad and scared , and I didn 't know what to do . Every day , the nice lady would come in and give me food and water and clean my cage , just like before . But she never had time to play with me or anything . She took care of all of us like that . I was really miserable . I had really liked living with Daddy , and now he was gone . Would anyone else take me home ? Would I have to stay here forever ? It was awful . One morning , the nice lady came in , and I thought she was going to give me food and water . Then I heard a voice . Daddy ! Daddy had come back ! Oh , I couldn 't believe it ! I got all excited and started fussing and I really wanted out of that stupid cage . I wanted to go see Daddy and tell him how much I had missed him and fuss at him for leaving me there , but it took that lady forever to open up my cage and take me out and give me to Daddy . Boy , I really gave him what - for ! I really fussed at him for leaving me there all that time . But he just stroked my head and laughed the way he does when he 's happy and he gave me lots of loves and talked all nice to me . After a bit , I calmed down and Daddy carried me out to another room and sat in a chair with me . We stayed there for a little bit while Daddy cuddled me and told me how much he had missed me and gave me lots more loves . I was just so happy Daddy was back . After a while , Daddy put me in my travel box . I really didn 't want to go in there , but Daddy said it was better that way . I wanted to sit on Daddy 's lap . Oh , well . . . Daddy carried me out to the bus and we gotposted by Mauki @ 11 : 28 Humans mean well , but they 're not very bright . So we have to take care of them . For some reasons , humans don 't know how to go nappy , so they sleep all night . This makes nights boring for us , but if you 're clever , you can find stuff to do . Most of them have a little box that makes noise . That lets them know when they have to get up . After a while , you 'll know when that box is going to make its noise and you can get there first and wake them up . The best thing to do is rub your whiskers in their face or climb all over them . This can be fun . Humans are always bringing strange stuff home , so you have to inspect it very thoroughly to make sure it 's not harmful . Don 't let them rush you when you do that . When humans sit down , they look really funny . But they make a thing called a " lap " which is a really nice place to curl up and take a nap . Just be sure to purr a lot so they know you 're OK . Sometimes , humans get together and they make lots of noise and get a bit careless . The best thing to do is find someplace to lie low until it 's over . It 's always best to tell humans something two or three times so they get it . Sometimes you have to nip them on the hand or the arm to get them to pay attention or they might misunderstand . If you have a hairball or your tummy gets upset , it 's best to yack it up in the middle of the floor so they don 't miss it . They 'll fuss a little , but it 's important for them to know you 're not feeling well . Most humans have to go to something called work , which is very stressful . So it 's really important that you make them sit down so you can help them relax and feel better . Sometimes , they 're so stresssed out that you really have to fuss at them about this . Just don 't give up . Every once in a while , some silly human will try to get you to do something called a " trick " . This is ridiculous . Tricks are for dogs , not cats . Don 't give in to this . No sense encouraging them . Anything that humans leave lying around is fair game for playing with . If they don 't want it played with , they shouldn 't leave it lying arounposted by Mauki @ 11 : 25 I 've figured out which cat is my favorite . They both come around and get all friendly with me . Rio spent Monday night , but kept waking me up , purring in my face . Not that I mind ; she 's really very sweet . However . . . . yesterday , Hampton lost any chance she ever had at the top spot . She was in my room , climbing all over everything and purring at me and being all nice . Then she went over and took a leak on my bed . Yeah , somebody got a good whack on her little ass . She spent the rest of the day in Rick 's room , hiding under the bed with the door closed . It 'll be a cold day in hell before she gets back in here . Meanwhile , Rio came in to keep me company . ( The two refuse to be in the same room at the same time . ) She even spent last night , getting even friendlier than before . I think she knows who my favorite is now . And for good reason . She really is very sweet - tempered , and almost as affectionate as Mauki was . Hampton was acting rather contrite today , but I think she realizes she 's still in the doghouse , so to speak . The big status symbol when I was a kid was a bicycle . Roller skates were fine , but " big kids " had bikes . I can 't even remember when I first started wanting one , but I didn 't get one until the Christmas before I turned 12 . My Dad took me over to Sears and bought me The Best Bike In The World . By then , I had learned to ride , I just didn 't have one of my own to ride . A couple of years later , he wanted to get my sister a bike , but the only thing he could come up with was a used three - speed , known as an " English racer " . It was a nice enough bike , just not fit for a girl . So , what he proposed was that I give my bike to my sister and take the 3 - speed . No dice . He was definitely fighting an uphill battle , trying to get me to give up that bike . He told me in great detail all about how superior the 3 - speed was compared to the one I already had . I still didn 't budge . Finally , in exasperation , he asked why I wasn 't willing to give up that bike . " Because you bought it for me . " All these years later , I think I can appreciate my Dad 's reaction to that . Somehow , though , he prevailed upon me to accept the deal , and the 3 - speed was actually a pretty decent bike . But I never forgot the other one . Unfortunately , my sister got into a disagreement with a fence over who had the right of way , and the bike was history . I never really got over that . What I actually started to write about was the process of learning to ride . Back in the early ' 70s , I heard a guy speak at Church , and he was comparing the process of finding one 's path in life to the process of learning how to ride a bicycle . As I listened , it sounded like he had been spying on me . He talked about how people get on a bike and try to ride it , but they 're so worried about avoiding the glass in the street , or the potholes , or the vehicle parked in the way , that they lose track of where they 're headed . So it was when my best friend let me use his bike to learn how to ride . We started out in the alley out back of my house . I got on while he and my older sister held onto the bike . They hposted by Jahn @ 16 : 52 A couple of times over the past week or so , I 've had conversations with people about the games we played as kids . It seems kids today ( where have I heard that phrase before ? ) just don 't know how to have fun . The beauty of growing up in a row house in Baltimore was that we had an alley out back . To make it even better , we lived just a block away from Wyman Park , which is where Johns Hopkins University is located . Many 's the summer evening we played games like SPUD or In - Free . There were others , I 'm sure , but that was over 40 years ago . Those two games are the ones I remember best . SPUD was simple , but tricky . The person who was " It " was chosen by lot . Someone else threw a large ball ( the size of a volleyball ) as high as possible into the air . Whoever was " It " had to stand there and try to catch it when it came down , while the rest of us scattered . As soon as he caught it , he yelled " Stop " , and we all had to freeze . Then he 'd look around for the nearest person . Taking four steps - - as long as he could make them - - he spelled out " S - P - U - D - period ! " , at which point he had to stop . Then he had one chance to nail the nearest person with the ball . If he hit someone , that person became " It " and the whole thing started all over . If he missed , he was " It " for another round . " In - Free " was probably more popular . We all gathered at the same location ( base ) near a lightpole next to one family 's garage . Again , " It " was chosen by lot and had to cover his eyes and count to 100 while we all scattered . I can still here the cry of " . . . 100 ! Here I come , ready or not ! Anyone around my base is automatically ' It ' ! " Then he had to try to find us . Oh , the creative places we hid ! The rule was that we had to stay in the alley or in the yards fronting the alley . From there , it got creative . I still remember one guy hiding in an unlocked parked car . Another guy hid on the roof of the garage . The idea was for " It " to find each of us , then run back to the base , bang the can on the ground three times and chant " 1 - 2 - 3 on _____ , hiding in the trash canposted by Jahn @ 16 : 23 One thing I learned early in life is that bureaucrats are idiots . Time and time again , that 's been affirmed . But I got to thinking today about one little incident a co - worker told me about 20 years ago . He had come over here from Germany as a young lad and , as part of assimilating into our school system , had to take some tests and also be interviewed by a school idiot administrator . During the interview the idiot administrator asked " Did you study any foreign languages ? " . " Yes " , replied Heinz . " Spanish and English . " " English is not a foreign language " , sniffed the idiot administrator . " It is where I come from . " Back in those days , even US students had to study two foreign languages . So which two did Heinz study ? Yup , English and German . : - ) The Top 36 Things You 'll Never Hear From a Southern Man36 . I 'll take Shakespeare for 1000 , Alex . 35 . Honey , I think we should sell the pick - up and buy a family sedan . 34 . Come to think of it , I 'll have a Heineken . 33 . We don 't keep firearms in this house . 32 . Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer ? 31 . You can 't feed that to the dog . 30 . I thought Graceland was tacky . 29 . No kids in the back of the pick - up , it 's just not safe . 28 . Wrestling 's fake . 27 . Honey , did you mail that donation to Greenpeace ? 26 . We 're vegetarians . 25 . Do you think my gut is too big ? 24 . I 'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy . 23 . Honey , we don 't need another dog . 22 . Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War ? 21 . Give me the small bag of pork rinds . 20 . Too many deer heads detract from the decor . 19 . Spitting is such a nasty habit . 18 . I just couldn 't find a thing at Wal - Mart today . 17 . Trim the fat off that steak . 16 . Cappuccino tastes better than espresso . 15 . The tires on that truck are too big . 14 . I 'll have the arugula and radicchio salad . 13 . I 've got it all on the C : drive . 12 . Unsweetened tea tastes better . 11 . Would you like your fish poached or broiled ? 10 . My fiance , Bobbie Jo , is registered at Tiffany 's . 9 . I 've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl . 8 . Little Debbie snack cakes have too many grams of fat . 7 . Checkmate . 6 . Does the salad bar have bean sprouts ? 5 . Hey , here 's an episode of " Hee Haw " that we haven 't seen . 4 . I don 't have a favorite college team . 3 . Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side . 2 . You all . And , Number ONE is : 1 . Duct tape won 't fix that . My friend Stacer cracked me up with a blurb over at her blog about finding stuff under her washing machine . Apparently , her cats have been " losing " stuff ( including : 5 ponytail holders , 3 milk top tabs , and 3 catnip - stuffed mice . Brought back some fond memories of my high school days . When I was in high school , we had an Orange Marmalade cat named Bridget . This was in the day when you still used a " church key " to open beer bottles and most soda bottles . Shortly after we got her , we gave her a bottle cap to play with . Mostly , she kept it in the kitchen , where she could bat it around the floor . One day , it wound up underneath the refrigerator , and she came and fussed at me to fish it out for her . For the rest of her time with us , the refrigerator was The Repository Of All Things Lost . No matter what it was , no matter where she lost it , she 'd head for the refrigerator and try to fish it out . Really comical . My sister has two cats , Bailey and George ( and she swears their names have nothing to do with Jimmy Stewart 's famous movie . George is full of mischief , but if you look into Bailey 's eyes , there 's just nothing there . Anyway , they had quite a few milk tops and such which eventually wound up in the first floor entryway . There 's a closet down there that has almost ½ " of clearance . Every day , I 'd go down , open the closet , and sweep all their " stuff " back out onto the floor for them to play with . Like Bridget , when they ran out of toys , they 'd hang around the closet , waiting for me to retrieve their toys . One of the reasons I always referred to Mauki as The Smartest Cat In The World was because he didn 't fall into that trap . His favorite toy in all the world was " Paper " - - the foil inner wrapping from a Hershey Bar . I think the main reason he liked it was because it was shiny and sparkled when he batted it around . One day , he got it wedged somewhere where he couldn 't retrieve it . He came over and fussed at me , somehow getting the idea across that he had lost " Paper " . " Well , show Daddy where it is " , I told him . He got up , waposted by Jahn @ 20 : 09 Boy , most people have no idea how much hard work is involved with being a little kitty cat . There 's so much to do ! It was a big place and I had to explore everywhere and inspect everything . That took a lot of time . And I had to protect Daddy from any bad old bugs or other cats that might get in . One evening , there was a really big cat that came over and looked in our door . I didn 't like that , ' cause Daddy said he didn 't want any other little kitty cat except me . Anyway , I fussed at him and Daddy came out to see what was going on . He even went outside , but that other cat was already scared of me and ran off . And when Daddy came in , he was laughing and asked me if I scared that other cat off . Well , of course I did ! Somebody had to protect Daddy . Daddy said he was proud of me and he got me one of my treats and we sat in the big chair and he gave me lots of loves . There was lots of other stuff I had to do too . I had to make sure Daddy woke up on time every morning . He had a little box in his room that would make music every morning when it was time to wake up . But I 'd hop up on his bed and tickle his face with my whiskers before the box started making music . Then Daddy would laugh and let me lie down next to him for a little while . And I had to make sure he took care of my food and water too , ' cause sometimes he 'd forget . Usually , I had to supervise when he got me my fresh water . I 'd follow him all the way out to the kitchen and then back , just to make sure he did it right and put my bowl where it belonged . When it was hot outside , he 'd even put an ice cube in it for me , just to keep it cool . Also , I had to inspect everything that Daddy brought home . He relied on me to make sure everything was safe and good for us . He said I was a smart little guy and I 'd know if there was anything bad . I never found anything bad , but I always had to check . It 's no wonder I had to go nappy so much . It 's really exhausting , being a little kitty cat . " President Bush said in Wisconsin Thursday this nation is at war with Islamic fascists . We have a strategy for victory . We 're going to search every Methodist , Baptist , Catholic , Jew , Mormon , Buddhist , Presbyterian and Episcopalian who walks into the airport until the Muslims die of hunger and thirst waiting in line . " - Argus Hamilton We lived near a really big street where lots and lots of cars and trucks came by . Daddy said he didn 't want me going outside , ' cause something bad might happen to me and he 'd be all sad and never forgive himself . So I mostly stayed inside , except for a couple of times I snuck out . Then Daddy caught me and showed me the place where the inside ended and the outside started and said out there was " Ah ! " and I wasn 't to go out there anymore . So I didn 't . Not even that time that a big leaf came by and I wanted to run out there and chase it and play with it . I looked around and saw Daddy was watching me and he said I was a good little guy for not going out and he picked me up and cuddled me and gave me one of my treats . That was nice . Once in a while , Daddy would take me outside and we 'd play on the lawn . Or we 'd walk up to where the mailboxes where and he 'd check to see if he had any mail . Once , he even put me up in the box and let me look around . It was no big deal , but I was glad Daddy took me with him . A couple of times , Daddy took me up the street and around the corner to a place he called the Post Office . He put me on top of this thing that wasn 't very steady and then he said I hadn 't grown a nickel 's worth . Well , I was just a little guy anyway . One day , he took me back to that place where he got me . I got all worried , ' cause I thought he was taking me back . But Daddy said the doctor had to look at me and make sure I was all right . So we went in and waited and after a while , the doctor looked at me and said I was doing really well . But then he poked me with something really sharp and it really hurt . But Daddy picked me up and said it would be OK and we sat down for a while and Daddy cuddled me and talked nice to me and it didn 't bother me that much anymore . After we got home , Daddy tried to make me feel better by playing with me . But my tummy was really upset and I wound up throwing up on the floor . I got scared ' cause I thought Daddy would get mad and scold me , but he just picked me up and went over and sat in his bigposted by Mauki @ 08 : 42 Daddy used to do really strange things . One time , I went in where my potty was and Daddy was sitting in the big white thing . I went over and got up on my back legs so I could see , and the thing was full of water . Water ! Daddy was sitting in all that water ! He laughed and said that 's how Daddy takes his bath . Wow , humans are strange . I didn 't know what to make of that . There was lots of other really strange stuff in our home . Daddy had a really big bed that he slept on . And when he rolled over , the whole bed moved ! Even when I jumped up on it , it would move . But it was nice and warm and I could go nappy over by Daddy 's pillow where it smelled like Daddy . That was always nice . If I was sleeping when he came in , Daddy would come back and sit on the floor next to the bed and stroke my head and talk nice to me . I liked that . There was a desk , too , with a big box on it . Daddy would sit there and look at it and do stuff . He called it work . That didn 't sound good . Most days , Daddy would leave in the morning and come back late in the afternoon . But then he had to do work at home . That wasn 't fair . I don 't like work . I think work is stupid . People should be able to stay home with their families . In the kitchen was another strange - looking box . Daddy would put food in it and it would light up . After a while , it would make a noise and the light would go out . Then Daddy would take his food out and eat it . It almost always smelled nice and sometimes Daddy would give me some . One time , he made something called " chile " and it smelled really good , but Daddy wouldn 't give me any . I didn 't like that , so I kept fussing at Daddy until he gave me some . Ouch ! That stuff burned my tongue . I had to go get a big drink of water after that . Daddy said I should listen to him about stuff like that . I think he was right . That first day at home with Daddy , he helped me explore everything so I wouldn 't be scared . Daddy had lots of neat stuff , and it was lots of fun looking at it all . Boy , I was tired afterward ! So Daddy laid down on the floor and let me come over and go nappy next to him . After that , we sat in his chair and watched TV . That was strange . When it got really late , Daddy took off his shirt and wadded it up and put it on a cushion for me in my hidey place so I 'd have a nice place to spend the night . Then he went back to another room and closed the door . I fussed at him a bit , ' cause I really wanted to go in there with him , but he made me stay out there all night . That wasn 't any fun . Later on , I found out that Daddy was worried about rolling over on me in his sleep and hurting me . Silly Daddy ! He should have known I wouldn 't let that happen . After that morning when he wasn 't feeling well and had to go back to bed and we took that nap together , he figured out that it was OK and let me come in at night and sleep next to him . I liked that . It was easy to get Daddy to play , and that was mostly fun . But sometimes , Daddy would do something really mean . I 'd be sitting up on his lap and we 'd be playing and he 'd tickle my little belly and say " You know what Daddy 's gonna do with you ? Daddy 's gonna unscrew your little belly button and make your tail fall off . " Now that was just mean . I need my little tail . So I 'd pull away and go sit by the glass door and watch outside . Big ol ' meany ! I made him sit there by himself until he was ready to play nice . I figured out how to get Daddy back , though . I 'd hide somewhere and when he 'd come walking by , I 'd dash out and grab at his ankles . That always freaked him out . : - ) When Daddy brought me home from that place , it was kind of scary . They had taken me from my Mama when I was only three weeks old , and I was in that place for four weeks with no one but the people who brought me food and water and cleaned my cage . And they didn 't have time to play with me or anything . Daddy said that wasn 't good for little kitty cats , so he 'd make it up to me . Daddy was always being really nice to me , and he liked it when I 'd get up on his lap and purr at him and get all kissy - face with him . Living with Daddy was really nice , because we took good care of each other . He made sure I always had food and water , and sometimes he 'd give me little treats . He gave me fresh water twice a day , and I hardly ever had to fuss at him for it . When it got really hot outside , he 'd put an ice cube in my water to keep it cool . That was really weird . I had to keep pushing the ice cube out of the way in order to drink . Daddy would laugh . Most days , Daddy went to something called " work " . I didn 't think much of that , because he had to deal with people who weren 't very smart and sometimes he 'd come home stressed out . He said I was a lot smarter than a lot of the people he had to deal with . But even when he wasn 't feeling good , he 'd stll let me come up and sit on his lap . Sometimes , he 'd lie on the floor and watch TV and let me come over and lie down next to him . That was nice , and it seemed to make him feel better . One day , something really scary happened . I could tell the weather was changing , so I got up and sat in Daddy 's lap , just in case he needed me . There was a flash of light outside , way far away . Daddy took ahold of me and said it would be OK , but then there was this really loud bang and it scared me . I was going to run over to my hidey place to get away from it , but Daddy held onto me and said it was OK and he wouldn 't let anything happen to me . I was still scared , but I let Daddy hold me , just in case he was scared too . Then , a few minutes later , it happened again . I didn 't get quite as scared this time , but itposted by Jahn @ 19 : 48 Another previously undiscovered entry from the journal of Mauki The Wonder Cat . Daddy was pretty easy to train . He figured out really fast that when he came home in the evening , he was supposed to go sit in his chair so I could come up and get in his lap and say hi and all . And he knew how to play with me , even if he didn 't always know when to play . Since he couldn 't be there with me all the time , Daddy got me some pretty neat toys to play with . First was Ball . It was only some round thing made out of wire with a bell inside of it . It was OK , but it wasn 't great . I could hit it and it would roll across the floor and the bell would tinkle , but that was it . Lots better than that was String . Daddy made that himself from a piece of yarn and a stick . We used to have lots of fun with that . Daddy would wave it all around and I 'd chase it and grab at it . I could even catch it most of the time . Sometimes , he 'd drape it over me and get me all tangled up in it and I 'd have to work my way loose . That was lots of fun . Then there was Mousey . Mousey smelled funny . I could rassle around with Mousey and smell that funny smell and it would make me feel all funny and then I 'd need to go nappy . Daddy used to laugh a lot when I 'd play with Mousey . I think it was as much fun for him as it was for me . Or almost as much fun anyway . Best of all was Paper . Paper was all shiny and smelled like that sweet brown stuff Daddy used to eat after dinner and I could bat it around and it would go every which way , unlike Ball . Ball only traveled in a straight line . Paper was lots more fun . Whoever invented Paper should have gotten some kind of prize . Maybe the Nobel Prize for Inventing Really Neat Stuff . Daddy and I had lots and lots of fun with Paper . He 'd make it go for me and then I 'd chase it all around . Sometimes , I 'd get it stuck somewhere and couldn 't get it and all I had to do was go tell Daddy it was stuck and he 'd go get it for me and make it go again . Daddy was nice like that . But the most fun of all was playing directly with Daddy . Sometimes , posted by Jahn @ 09 : 39 1 . NamesIf Laurie , Linda , Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch , they will call each other Laurie , Linda , Elizabeth and Barbara . If Mark , Chris , Eric and Tom go out , they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy , Godzilla , Peanut - Head and Scrappy . 2 . Dining OutWhen the bill arrives , Mark , Chris , Eric and Tom will each throw in $ 20 , even though it 's only for $ 32 . 50 . None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back . When the girls get their bill , out come the pocket calculators . 3 . MoneyA man will pay $ 2 for a $ 1 item he needs . A woman will pay $ 1 for a $ 2 item that she doesn 't need - but it 's on sale . 4 . BathroomsA man has five items in his bathroom : a toothbrush , shaving cream , razor , a bar of soap , and a towel he stole from the Marriott . The average number of items in the typical woman 's bathroom is 337 . A man would not be able to identify most of these items . 5 . ArgumentsA woman has the last word in any argument . Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument . 6 . CatsWomen love cats . Men say they love cats , but when women aren 't looking , men kick cats . 7 . The FutureA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband . A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife . 8 . SuccessA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend . A successful woman is one who can find such a man . 9 . MarriageA woman marries a man expecting he will change , but he doesn 't . A man marries a woman expecting that she won 't change and she does . 10 . Dressing UpA woman will dress up to go shopping , water the plants , empty the garbage , answer the phone , read a book , and get the mail . A man will dress up for weddings and funerals ( and church , of course ) . 11 . NaturalMen wake up as good - looking as they went to bed . Women somehow deteriorate during the night . 12 . OffspringAh , children . A woman knows all about her children . She knows about dentist appointments and romances , best friends , favorite foods , secret fears and hopes and dreams . A man is vaguely aware of sposted by Jahn @ 13 : 11 The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by University of Adelaide physicists . The element , tentatively named Administratium , has no proton and no electrons and thus has atomic number of 0 . However , it does have one neutron , 12 assistant neutrons , 70 vice - neutrons and 161 assistant vice - neutrons . This gives it an atomic mass of 244 . These 244 particles are held together in a nucleus by a strong force that involves the continuous exchange of meson - like particles called morons . Since it has no electrons , Administratium is inert . However , it can be detected chemically , as it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with . According to researchers , in one experiment , a minute amount of Administratium was added to a reaction , which took four days to complete . Without Administratium , the reaction ordinarily took less than one second . Administratium has a normal half - life of approximately three years , at which time it does not actually decay , but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons , vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places . Preliminary studies show that the atomic number actually increases after reorganization . Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere , but it tends to concentrate in artificial structures built at lower altitudes , such as government agencies and universities . It can usually be found in the newest , best - appointed and best - maintained buildings . Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic . They recommend taking plenty of fluids with alcohol content and getting bed rest after exposure to even low levels of the element . |
Posted on June 18 , 2017 by susank456 I 've come to the conclusion we live on sacred ground . For real , our house is on hallowed ground . I 'm surprised the builder was even allowed to build here and it must have been a real challenge to lay the foundation and not disturb the buried . Our house sits on an ancient rock burial ground . That has to be the only explanation . Our property is where they brought the rocks , large and small when they died to be buried for thousands of years . Sounds goofy right , but that has to be it , because no matter where I try to dig a hole , I dig more rock than dirt . Smooth glacier rocks that come in all sizes , from the size of a quarter to the size of a football . Imagine putting the shovel point in the dirt and stepping down on the edge of the shovel to slice into the dirt and the shovel slams into a rock or group of rocks , the shovel twists , the handle follows the twist and whacks you in the chin , then your foot slips off of the shovel , scrapes your foot and you twist your knee . This is followed by a very descriptive diatribe that sends the birds flying . Now imagine doing this over and over again to fish out a multitude of rocks , so you can get a hole wide enough and deep enough to plant something , anything . It 's a good thing I bought a truck load of dirt earlier in the spring , just to fill in the holes . All of our neighbors have these really nice landscaped yards and we have rocks . Lots and lots of rocks , hidden just under surface of our yard . Maybe that 's why there was no landscaping done when we bought the house . Either they knew it was sacred land and didn 't want to disturb the rock spirits or all of the other builders dumped their rocks here and left us to deal with the little buggers . I would like to think our land is special , that sounds more fun , but in reality , it 's probably the latter . We got dumped on , literally . Posted on May 28 , 2017 by susank456 Mother Nature finally came through for us . The weather here has been so damp and dank , with rain and unseasonably chilly temperatures for so long , I was beginning to fear that summer would never come . Our vacation was rapidly approaching and we had not made any plans yet , no destination in mind , we just knew that we did not want to stick around here for more misery . As the first vacation day approached , the weather forecast started looking a bit more promising with temperatures ranging in the eighties and lots of sunshine , so in the end we decided to stay here and go exploring locally . Our first day was a trip to Woodinville , for a day of wine tasting . Hey , I have my priorities . And yes , we tasted many nice wines and bought a few bottles . Our second day we included the dogs on our day trip . We drove over to Point Defiance on Puget Sound and let the dogs run around and play in the ocean . One day we did some yard work and finished our newly built and planted raised beds . We drove down to Olympia and went to Tumwater Falls Park . It was a bit of a disappointment , I was hoping for bigger falls and a longer hike , but that was not the reality . The falls were small and the trek around them was short , maybe a mile at most . We took a longer day trip with the dogs to the Green River Nature Area O ' Grady Trail and had a longer hike . The trail was partially a road access that could handle cars and trucks with offshoot trails that were dirt paths wide enough for a horse or single file hikers . The trails had nice carved wooden signs that not only showed where the trail went but also had a " you are here " notation on each so we could place ourselves on the trail and where in the area we wanted to go . We found a homemade Tic Tac Toe Board carved into a stump complete with rocks for markers . We hiked down to the Green River , saw how fast it was running and decided it was not a good idea to let the dogs go in . We would have to drive to Puget Sound to save them . To finish off our vacation , we decided to go kayaking . The dilemma was where ? We thought about Point Defiance Park and go kayaking in Puget Sound , but common sense won out . I had only been kayaking once before , on a nice calm lake where the boats had to have a motor no larger than fifteen horse power and Mitch has never been kayaking . Out here the sky is the limit , plus there is the tides to consider . We talked it out and decided a lake would be safer and a better first time experience . We checked on kayak rentals around Lake Washington and found one in Bellevue . We got there before the rental office opened , about thirty minutes early and found a line had already formed . We rented two single kayaks so we could each experience paddling and maneuvering our own kayak , plus I watched other people in double kayaks and most weren 't paddling in unison , one paddle would be up and one paddle would be down , the kayak going nowhere . The water was still very chilly , around sixty degrees or so , but the sky was clear no clouds for as far as the eye could see . We set off heading north crossing under the I - 90 bridge to run along the coast gawking at houses on the shore . Most were very large and new , but there were some older smaller homes tucked in between the larger estate homes . We watched the boats go up and down the main channel , a few smaller boats but most were larger vessels , suitable for the ocean and felt the wake of each one . I was glad we chose a lake to start on first . After about forty - five minutes we turned around and headed in the opposite direction to see what was on the other side of the bridge and farther south . We headed into the back of the cove and gawked at some more houses . We decided to call it a day and head back to the boat launch . We talked about how much we enjoyed this and as I headed toward the launch I made a comment about shopping for a kayak online . I got no response , so I looked around and couldn 't find Mitch . He was right there and then he was gone . I slowed my kayak and turned around to look for him and saw in the water about three hundred feet or so , his kayak flipped upside down . I looked next to his kayak and there was his head bobbing beside it . I paddled as fast I could and as I got closer , I could see him hanging on , so at least he was conscious . As I got close enough to talk to him , I asked what he did . He answered he didn 't know , not that succinctly but with more descriptive adjectives and adverbs . I asked if he was okay , but was not sure how I could help get the kayak righted without rolling myself , and not being that selfless , I didn 't offer to help right it . That 's what you get when you 're dealing with amateurs , dumb and dumber . Two guys and a little girl in a canoe came and offered help , but Mitch declined , saying he could make it to the launch . Another couple came up and offered assistance and again Mitch declined , I don 't know what he was thinking , that maybe AAA was going to show , or All In Posted on May 26 , 2017 by susank456 Royal has now become a full - fledged member of our family . You know how family acts together , no inhibitions , everything hangs out , farts , burps and language is much more casual , while a guest is on their best behavior . Dogs are the same way in a fashion . They tend to be more on guard , watchful and very polite . Now Royal knows for sure that he is here to stay and his quirks and " bad habits " have emerged . Not that he is bad by any figment of the imagination , he is really a pleasure to have , it 's just that now the other habits have emerged . Maybe some of it has to do with us being on vacation and together all week or maybe he has finally " let his hair down " . We were warned that Royal loves tennis balls to the extreme , and we would have to physically take it away from him or he would chew on it until it was destroyed , so we limit his ball time . On Monday , we drove over to Point Defiance Park to let the dogs get into Puget Sound for some swimming and romping around . Well , Royal knows what the water is good for , playing fetch with whatever is available to throw out in the water and he can retrieve . We didn 't think to take a tennis ball , so we looked for a stick . The first stick wasn 't big enough and Royal just chewed it up on the first throw . We searched around and found a small log , about two inches in diameter and about a foot long , and threw it out in the Sound for him . The log was pretty waterlogged , so Royal was able to chew it up a bit on each retrieve . Did I forget to mention that not only does he likes to go get whatever is thrown for him , but chews on it some is also a prerequisite . With each throw , Royal would destroy it bit by bit . Orso was not as interested in swimming around and playing fetch , he was more intrigued with everything else , the beach , the trees and all the people . He kept wandering off in search of something new , so I followed him up and down the beach to keep him from getting too close to other people and their dogs . Mitch was tasked with keepThis morning on our after - breakfast walk , Royal spotted some small animal poop on the side of the road , that some moronic dog owner didn 't bother picking up , leaving it for some unsuspecting walker , ( usually me ) to step in . He stuck his nose almost on it to give it a good sniff , then proceeded to drop down to roll his head in the poop . I caught on just as he was headed down and jerked the leashed and gave a rather loud " no " for five in the morning . His head hit the ground next to the poop , but thankfully he missed the pile . That was the first time he did the " Drop and Roll " on something , but I can see that I need to keep a watchful eye on him in the future . When we got home from the walk , Royal got a thorough face cleaning with a Clorox wipe . Posted on May 3 , 2017 by susank456 Royal has now been here for a month and it 's like he has been with us forever . He is completely ensconced in our home and lives . He and Orso get along almost like they had been litter mates . Both are consummate couch potatoes with short bursts of energy , running side by side full steam nipping at each other , then dropping on the grass rolling around on their backs settling on their stomachs to watch what I 'm doing . There are no fights or tension , it is so pleasant , just two dogs that have the same temperament . A real breath of fresh air . Not to pretend Royal is perfect , he is not . He has no sense of personal space , getting right in my face wanting to lick me all over ( yuck ) . I 've seen what they put in their mouths . Try putting your shoes on and playing dodge ball with your head in an attempt to avoid dog kisses . I can bob and weave like a pro boxer now . He walks crooked , partly because of his hip dysplasia , which is quite annoying on our walks . He must walk on my right , won 't walk on the left , so I 'm left to walking in the middle of these two buffoons and Royal walks into my right leg pushing me into Orso . Then he crosses in front of me to go sniff and pee . After he is done sniffing and peeing , he crosses back to my right , but this time he crosses behind me . So I 'm constantly circling the leash around my head like a lasso . I am pretty sure the neighbors think I 'm nuts . What else is new ? We were told Royal gets along well with cats , but I 'm not so sure about that . He has gone ballistic barking and growling at the neighbor 's cat walking across the back fence . He chased that cat the length of the yard along the fence line and I don 't think it was to introduce himself to the neighborhood . He also has no fondness for squirrels . He wants one badly and I fear the day he and Orso outsmart one . Not that I love squirrels , I just don 't want to watch the bloodletting and subsequent visit to the vet . Bedtime means all of us in our bed . We lost that battle three dogs ago . Now we just accept the cramped sleeping space and constant dog hair . I keep the bed and pillows swathed in sheets to keep our faces free of dog hair and other dog parts . The top of the bed is no - man 's land , but under the comforter the sheets are dog free . Of course the added bodies make the bed hotter , so I keep a fan blowing on me year round . Poor Mitch has to sleep in his shorts , sweatpants , t - shirt and sweatshirt , plus in the winter he has two comforters on him , even with the dog body heat . I 'm glad we took the chance and brought him home , he is the perfect match for Orso . And I do get a kick out of walking two dogs that weigh right at a hundred pounds . You should see the faces of the people I walk by with their five pound dogs barking up a storm and mine are actually behaving . ( Of course when they don 't I look like a boat anchor dragging behind them ) . Just to show you I am not making it up , I have a picture of the two laying in the yard . Posted on April 8 , 2017 by susank456 Today we finally received Royal 's vet records and needless to say , they were very enlightening and confirmed a lot of what I suspected . We didn 't get a pig in a poke but , some of the " facts " told to us were maybe a bit misleading . Not that it would matter , because as soon as Royal crossed the threshold , he became a member of the family , here to stay for the rest of his life . The biggest fallacy was his age . I had thought Royal had led a rough life because he didn 't get around as well as Orso . His teeth are not in the best shape either for a " six - year - old " dog . One front fang is broken and the other fang is chipped , like a dog that has been living on the streets . We were told that Royal will be six years old this year , in actuality he will be nine years old this month . I guess they thought if someone knew his real age , Royal would become unadoptable . That makes him closer to Orso 's age now , who will be eleven years old in August . Another factoid we read was that in 2013 he was diagnosed with hip dysplasia . That explained the way Royal would go up and down stairs . At first we thought he had never been exposed to stairs . That was the case with AJ , our black lab . When we brought AJ home the first time , he had no idea how to go up or down stairs , we had to teach him . We thought it odd the way Royal would lie down , either on his side or if he was on his stomach , he would adjust himself so that his legs stick out behind him , like a puppy does . But no , Royal just has hip dysplasia , another check mark against someone wanting to adopt him . Good thing I bought a huge bucket of joint supplements . We had decided that Royal is a bit overweight , not having the stamina of Orso now two years his senior . But we know he is almost nine and has hip dysplasia , we can work on a better regimen , diet and exercise , to help him feel better . With the vet records in hand , we can work with our vet to get his shots up to date and a good dog food . We 've already talked about this year we will be taking them swimming more . Another reason to get a kayak . Posted on April 1 , 2017 by susank456 Well call us crazy or not , we took the leap and jumped off the cliff . After we received the reprieve from the woman asking for two weeks to try and work something out with her landlord , we breathed a sigh of relief . We told each other that it was for a reason that we didn 't get the dog . That maybe later on in the future , we would start looking for a dog . Guess what ? Two weeks to the day , we received an email , asking if we were still interested in meeting Royal . We said yes , but now due to prior commitments , we couldn 't take him for another two weeks . We also said we would understand if they couldn 't wait for us . Oh no , was the response , they would be more than happy to keep him for another 2 weeks . They just wanted to make sure he had a good home . I wasn 't sure how she " knew " we would be a good home , since we had only traded emails to date . We agreed to meet Royal the following Sunday , and see how he would get along with Orso . All week , I kept going back and forth , are we doing the right thing for Orso ? If we take Royal , would that be the right thing for him ? Talk about making myself crazy , I must have waffled back forth enough to have worn a groove in my brain . Sunday morning , we loaded Orso up and headed out to meet Royal . We got there early and wandered around the school grounds that we had agreed to introduce the two on . Neutral territory , that way no one felt threatened or possessive of the space . A car pulled into the far side of the parking lot and watched as a man got out with a large dark brown dog . Nope , not Royal , we thought , because it was a Doberman and we were expecting a lab / mastiff mix . The man and the dog headed off in the opposite direction so we were pretty sure , they were just out for a stroll in the drizzle . Another car pulled in and parked . A woman and a teenage girl got out of the car and the woman turned and opened the back door of the car . Out hopped a fawn colored dog with blackish brown ears . Royal came trotting over to us , quite unafraid and eager to meet us and Orso . He was as tall as Orso and a little bigger in the chest than Orso , maybe about five to ten pounds overweight . He was super friendly and just wanted to be petted . He was also a leaner . After introductions , we watched the two get to know each other , sniffing butts , peeing on top of the other 's pee spot and running around the grass . Orso tried to jump on his back a couple of times and each time Royal would turn and give a warning bark growl , but never showed teeth . I was quite impressed with the dog , and ready to jump over the ledge . Mitch asked a few questions , did he have any ailments , eating issues , were his shots up to date , etc . All of our questions were answered quite positively , and I couldn 't help but wonder about his owner . It would take dire circumstances for me to even consider having to find a home for Orso and not keep him . We asked if any others had responded to the ad and the woman said yes , she had gotten eight offers but only took one other offer seriously . After meeting the couple , she told them no they couldn 't have Royal . It seems the couple had a pair of pit bulls with them that were quite beat up and kept asking her what the mastiff side was capable of . She told us that she felt uneasy and worried about Royal 's safety . I took the first leap , looked at Mitch and said that we would love to take him , but because family was coming into town , we couldn 't take him until the following Saturday . That seemed to be quite workable , so we said good - bye , loaded up Orso and headed home . Saturday morning , we picked up Royal and brought him home . We left Orso home for the pick up so that there was no tension in cramped spaces . As soon as we pulled into the driveway , I jumped out and leashed up Orso and the four of us went for a nice long walk . We are now a week into back being a two - dog family and so far , so good . Maybe it 's because both dogs are older , Orso will be eleven and Royal is almost six , both are very calm sedate dogs , pretty much couch potatoes most of the time . So for now , life is good , just a little more cramped on the couch , but quite relaxed . I 'm sure once Royal gets comfortable and realizes the once he crossed the threshold , he was here to stay , things will getShare this : FacebookRedditEmailTwitterPinterestTumblrPrintLinkedInGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Creative Writing , dog ownership , Dogs , humor , short story Tagged dogs , dogs playing , humor , labradors , marriage , mastiff , pet ownership , short stories , walking , women , writing 4 Comments Posted on March 10 , 2017 by susank456 I have the perfect job for Orso - Spokesdog . Not just any old spokesdog , but a spokesdog for UPS . UPS would be lucky to have him for their mouthpiece as a satisfied customer . Though I 'm not sure how to approach UPS and pitch Orso as their spokesdog . It 's perfect when you think about it , Orso is a great big chocolate lab and the UPS official color is brown , it 's a match made in heaven . A big brown dog standing in a big brown truck , and who doesn 't love a big brown slobbery happy dog ? Talk about PR perfection , it 's a marketing dream . Orso loves the UPS man and his big brown truck . Orso knows the sound of the diesel truck coming from a long way away . He will jump up from a dead sleep to run to the front door to watch and wait for his favorite UPS driver . It helps that our regular driver brings large dog biscuits with him and gives one to Orso with each delivery . When Orso hears the truck , he runs to the door and watches with great big hopeful eyes , and if the truck stops , he will cry and whine and bark this shrill bark , showing his total impatience at how slowly the world turns while he is waiting for the UPS man to climb out of the truck and bring him a dog biscuit . Because we all know that Orso NEVER gets any treats , only the ones the UPS man gives him . Not . As soon as the driver gets out of the truck and starts to walk to the front door , Orso is standing on his hind legs barking loudly and frantically , as if he has just found his long - lost boy . It 's a bit embarrassing and I must admit to a bit of jealousness , because I 'm not so sure , Orso wouldn 't just go with the UPS man . After all , he has food and Orso is a lab . Orso has become so obsessed with the big brown UPS truck that if we 're out on a walk and he hears a truck , any truck with the telltale diesel engine , Orso will stop and search for the direction the sound is coming from , then turn and wait until the noise gets louder and closer . God forbid he sees the truck while we 're walking . That turns into an Aflac claim just waiting to happen . Twice this week the UPS truck came up the street while we were out on our morning walk . Orso turned and started barking at the truck hoping to get the driver to stop , which he did right there in the middle of the street . Our driver , then turned the truck off and climbed into the back of his truck , just to get Orso a biscuit . Orso had already climbed up into the truck and was waiting for the treat . Our UPS driver told me that Orso was the only dog on his route that gets so excited to see him . I think that the driver gets as big a kick out of seeing Orso as Orso does when he sees him . It 's a sad day when the truck doesn 't stop or if our regular driver is off and there is no biscuit . Orso doesn 't understand why not every delivery person that comes to our door is as prepared to meet a happy hungry lab . I guess I should keep a stash of dog treats by the door so if someone comes empty - handed I can save the day . Orso - Spokesdog for UPS , has a ring to it don 't you think ? Share this : FacebookRedditEmailTwitterPinterestTumblrPrintLinkedInGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Creative Writing , dog ownership , humor , short story Tagged dogs , labradors , pet ownership , short stories , walking , women , writing 3 Comments Posted on February 19 , 2017 by susank456 We almost brought another dog into our lives , almost . We were so close . Mitch saw an ad in the Saturday paper , " A lab / mastiff mix , 6 years old " and then the magic words , " FREE TO A GOOD HOME " . Mitch was hooked . Even though he knows , there is no such thing as free . Nothing is ever free . More importantly , Mitch has been the hold out , saying over and over , " Not another dog , yet . " But there it was , Mitch urging me to send an email , asking about the dog . I reminded him of our last experience with a " lab mix " . As much as I loved Charlie , he was always a bit off . We were " on guard " with him always , because he was animal aggressive and sometimes very explosive . So , I called his bluff , I sent an email , asking how big he was , did he get along with other dogs , etc . The ad said he was good with cats and children , but didn 't mention dogs . I got a response , that yes , he was good with other dogs , they had three other dogs , four cats and four children . A very full house . He also weighed a hundred pounds , so a good size match for Orso . Now I was curious as to why if they had three other dogs , four cats and four children , why was this dog singled out to be kicked to the curb . Why not get rid of the cats ? Four cats to one dog , seemed like a fair trade . I sent the question back , " why are you trying to find a home for this dog ? " I phrased it very diplomatically , instead of saying , " why are you getting rid of this one , as opposed to one of the others ? " I wanted to know the real reason for the ad . What was wrong with him ? Was he a biter , a fighter , what ? Why was this one getting the boot ? Because the answers would determine our next step . I was still very gun shy about getting back into a situation where Orso would be victimized ever again . We were straddling the fence , not sure which side to fall on , dog or no dog . I almost called our best friends to ask what we should do , but I already knew their answer , " Get the dog . " They have three medium to large size dogs , and are not unbiased . By the time we went to bed , we had decided that no we would pass on the dog . No dog yet . Her email response came in the morning . The answer was not what I expected at all . The owner had gotten the dog as a puppy and now after six years had to give him up because she had to move to an apartment wouldn 't take dogs , especially large dogs , so she took him to her friend , who promised to look for a great home for him . The friend had placed the ad , with three other dogs , four cats and four children already had a full house . After reading her email , I was ready to get in the car , drive to wherever he was and bring him home on the spot . Sanity returned and I waited for Mitch to wake up . We talked some more , pros and cons , talking ourselves out of the dog , then back into the dog . I finally sent an email back asking if we could meet with Orso to see how they might interact . I got a response saying that was a great idea and when could we get there . I asked if noon would work and waited for her response . The reply came back letting us off the hook - sort - of . The owner was not handling the separation well and asked her friend if they would keep him for two weeks , until she either found another place or could win over her landlord . But could they keep our email , " just in case . " My heart went out to the woman and her dog , because I know how I would feel if I were forced with the same decision . I answered back that of course , they could keep our email address , and that I understood completely . I even offered to " foster the dog " for the woman if she wanted to on a short or long term basis , if the need arose . We almost fell down the rabbit hole , not quite , but we 're teetering . Posted on January 20 , 2017 by susank456 Do you have any idea how shocking a cold wet nose can be , especially when it touches the back of your thigh ? Let 's just say that it 's a really good thing I am only five foot two inches tall on a good day . Otherwise I might be sporting a concussion and submitting an Aflac claim . I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off . I had my back to the door , ( huge mistake it seems ) and didn 't hear the door open . I had neglected to pull the door completely closed so there was a small gap , evidently big enough for a nose to fit through and push open the door . I was bent over drying my shins and feet when a cold wet nose ever so gently touched the back of my thigh . I guess Orso was checking to make sure I had used soap . Anyway , I stood straight up and jumped forward about two feet , narrowly missing the lighted makeup mirror that was mounted on the bathroom wall . I sucked in my breath , grabbed the towel , wrapped it around me ( too late to protect my exposed skin ) and turned to face my attacker . Orso was standing there wagging his tail looking like he had just accomplished some huge feat of skill , looking very pleased with himself . At least I didn 't scream or squeal and wake up Mitch , not that he would have heard it , because he sleeps like the dead . I have no idea why Orso decided to get out of bed to come and check on me , something totally out of character for him . He normally climbs back in bed after our morning walk and sleeps until I fix breakfast . I reached out and scratched his ear , then Orso turned around , walked out of the bathroom , jumped back up on the bed , laid down and went back to sleep . I stood there and mentally scratched my head wondering why and getting no answer . What a way to start the day . Posted on December 27 , 2016 by susank456 Many years ago , Mitch gave me a hand - me - down parka that someone at his work had out grown . It is a long knee length winter parka with a zip in liner , and is quite warm . It is water proof with a hood and lots of pockets , and reflector strips to be seen in the dark , making it perfect for walking Orso in the dark and hiking when it 's cold . I 'm not sure how old it is , but I can say that I have gotten at least ten or more years of wear out of it . The down side to the parka is that it has one of those double zippers on it , you know the ones I 'm talking about . The ones that you can zip up closed and at the bottom of the hem , you can zip up toward the collar to unzip to an open jacket . I have always hated that part of the parka , because the double zipper is always harder to catch at the bottom , making it more difficult to zip up . Oh , I know the theory behind it , to be able to unzip the coat to get to a pocket or to go pee without removing the coat , but I would just wait until I was somewhere warm to heed the call of nature . Over the years , the zipper has gotten weaker , making it harder to get shoved down into the second zipper sometimes . Usually that happens when I 'm in a hurry or Orso is impatient , making it take longer to get outfitted and out the door . This morning everything was going just fine , I put on my sweatshirt and hat , then put on the parka and zipped it up , donned my gloves and hooked up Orso to his harness and off we went on our pre - dawn walk . The walk was going along smoothly when I started feeling a chill on my thighs and stomach . I looked down and saw that my parka was wide open flapping in the breeze . Upon closer inspection , I saw that the zipper on the bottom had let go and my parka was unzipping itself from the bottom up . I tried to reconnect the zipper and zip it up to meet the top zipper but that didn 't work . Then I tried to unzip the top zipper to meet the bottom of the zipper where it had stopped at open , but that didn 't work either . So , in an act of desperation , I zipped the top zipper back up all the way and pulled the two sides of my parka together in one hand to try and keep it closed until I could get back home . When I got back home , I struggled with the zipper trying to get the upper zipper unzipped far enough to force the lower zipper down . That didn 't work either , I had only gotten the upper zipper unzipped down about three inches from the top and the lower zipper had unzipped itself up the rest of the way to meet the upper zipper . I stood there thinking about how I was going to the parka off . Panic was starting to set in . I had to get it off and get in the shower to get ready for work . I couldn 't just stand there all day in a parka that was more unzipped than zipped but wouldn 't come off . Have you ever tried to pull a knee length parka off over your head with an opening of about five inches and not rip off your nose ? It 's not easy let me tell you . Share this : FacebookRedditEmailTwitterPinterestTumblrPrintLinkedInGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Creative Writing , dog ownership , Dogs , humor , short story Tagged dogs , humor , labradors , parka , satire , short stories , walking , women , writing , zippers 8 Comments |
Runge : This is Peter Runge and Delia Muñoz from Northern Arizona University 's Cline Library , interviewing Joe and Marie Rolle . Today is Monday , February 22 , 2010 , and we 're conducting the oral history at the Rolle residence in Flagstaff , Arizona . First , I 'd like to thank you , Joe and Marie , for inviting us into your home and agreeing to be interviewed today . This interview will be part of the NAU Lumberjack Timbers Oral History Project documenting the experiences of Arizona State College and Northern Arizona University alumni , and you guys are one of our very first interviews . Joe , let 's start with a little biographical information , leading up to your times as a student at Arizona State College . Would you tell us when and where you were born ? J . Rolle : I was born September 5 , 1917 , in Bisbee , Arizona . My mother had six children , and two of my sisters are gone , and Mom and Dad are gone , of course . I enjoyed coming to Flagstaff , because Coach McCreary came down to see me , and I was a pretty good basketball player at Bisbee High School . McCreary gave me a job , which meant that I would work three hours , for my room and board , in the dining hall . And that was seven days a week , and it paid for my room and board . My family , my dad was a miner , and Mom was [ quite a linguist ? ] . It was an opportunity to get a degree , and so I was quick to accept it - not only accept it , but I found a real home when I came to Northern Arizona University . I have a great love for NAU . All my days here were wonderful . I was treated royally . I have enjoyed being here , and in fact I 'll die here . And I think the important thing really is that it 's a wonderful institution . Anyone that comes here will never say that they made a mistake . They will just say , " Oh , it 's exactly what we wanted . " And I think that I have enjoyed every minute that I have been here , and that 's a long , long time . ' 37 [ 1937 ] is when I returned as a student and spent four years and got a degree . It was after I had spent four years in the military . Dr . Tom Bellwood , who was about second in command at that time , and he was my teacher as well as a very good friend , and he came to the capital where , after the military , I was the state tax commission , and I was the head cashier of that area . And as a result , why , when Tom Bellwood just said , " Joe , would you like to return to Flagstaff ? " I said , " I would love to do it , but we have two boys now , and my salary is $ 5 , 000 , you would have to meet it . " Incidentally , he did not meet it . ( laughter ) He promised me at the time that he was going to do it . But anyway , I was happy to return . You know , that 's a lot of years here . I love the place , and how couldn 't someone that has been treated as royally as Marie and I , insofar as the university . . Runge : Thanks . I 'd like to take a step back . You said you had six siblings , brothers and sisters . J . Rolle : Two of my sisters , Marge and Catherine , are deceased . They went pretty early , and I don 't know why . They had my brother Charles , who is a retired medical doctor , and he 's in Palm Springs , California . He 's an anatomical and critical pathologist , and he was always very good to the family . I can remember when he went to the U . of A . , he had said to Mom and Dad he was going to be a mining engineer . And that was a fat , fat lie . ( laughter ) The whole family knew that , but he felt that that was a more receptive major that they would receive , because a lot of young people down there in Bisbee were over to the U . of A . , and they were in engineering and different thing , mining engineering and different things . But he made Mom and Dad feel , [ unclear ] , and we would grab ourselves and say , " Why are you telling a lie ? Just tell her the truth . Tell ' em the truth , they need to know that . " And so anyway , they accepted it , and he went over there . Incidentally he was a fine student , and later became a medical doctor . I think that just goes to show you that people are down in a mining camp , you have to work for what you earn , but the mines were very generous to people . I never was lucky enough , but when some of the young men came back , they tried to keep jobs for the young people , and it was a nice salary to build a little amount of money for when they do return for the second , third , or fourth year . I 'm so happy of being born and raised in Bisbee , because the people were very , very generous to all the students that were going on . And you know , they 'd always inquire from Mom and Dad , " How 's the boys doing ? " and how are my sisters doing , and this and that . A lot of those young people in Bisbee didn 't have the wherewith , except the salary that Dad was making in the mines , and they didn 't have the opportunity to come to a university . And part of mine was responsible for McCreary , which I mentioned , who was the basketball coach . And he came down , and I had a pretty good night one night , and heRunge : So you and your brother went to college . Did your parents kind of encourage that with all your siblings ? J . Rolle : Well , you know , family encouraged it a lot . My brother was a very bright person , and he pushed it . I think the nice thing about it is moms and dads always felt they didn 't have a lot of money , and if you went to Tucson it was going to be higher than NAU , and it would even be higher at Tempe . And so as a result , this was my choice . My choice was because McCreary came down , saw me in a ball game that was a lot of points , and said would I like to come , and I said I 'd love it . Runge : That was pretty fortunate that he came down on that night that you had a really hot shooting night . ( laughter ) One of the questions I wanted to ask you about was when you first came here in 1937 , campus , the town , it must have been significantly different . What were your first impressions when you arrived here ? J . Rolle : Well , you know , it seems that there was a group of us from Globe , Miami , that met on the same bus that brought us up here . As we came in , we could see the old mill over there , and this and that , and one of my comments was , " Oh my God , look what we got into ! " ( laughter ) It was the people here . Our instructors were such wonderful people . I , on occasion , was guilty of missing a couple of geography classes in Dr . Allen 's class . And Dr . Allen said to me , " You know , Joe , you missed a few classes . Now , because you 're student body president and in my class doesn 't mean that gives you any more freedom to miss . I would prefer that you get back and not miss another class for the rest of the semester . " And I said to her , " I shall do that , " because I was very fond of Dr . Allen , and I think she was a wonderful teacher , and very willing to help young people that needed a little push or a little bit of help . How many teachers would say to you , " You 're missing a few too many classes and you 'd better get with it " ? And she was J . Rolle : You know , I was student body president in my junior year and in my senior year , and as a result , on a couple of occasions , Dr . Allen mentioned something , that I missed a few . They were in the afternoon , there 's no reason for it . And so as a result . . . . She 's a wonderful lady . I really enjoyed her . And I took a couple of classes from her , and she was a marvelous teacher . She loved NAU and was here a long time , as so many of the teachers I had . J . Rolle : Over in what now is the Education Building , the first building . They were there . Dr . Allen taught there , and Dr . Bellwood , and different ones . Dr . Bellwood was accounting . That 's where several of my classes were . And then we had classes over in Old Main . There is a time in my life when I had a little visit with Dr . Walkup . Dr . Walkup had made up his mind that we should make a dormitory out of that . And frankly , knowing me , I did not encourage it . And the reason I didn 't encourage it , because if you go over there today , you will find that every one of those staircases was lumber . And if somebody on the third floor had ever got caught in a trap , they wouldn 't have gotten out , because depending on how fast that fire went or got to , then it would tell you that there is a degree of danger here . And so I think that 's the only time I really ever had some words with Dr . Walkup , where I was feeling very strongly about it , and I thought that this is not a very smart thing to do . And he said he was going to go ahead with it . Thank God he didn 't ! Because it could have been a real fire trap . You know , when you have three floors and everything is stairs up and down , including the basement . So it was a dangerous degree that I was not very receptive to . J . Rolle : And then I think I 'll leave the other part to Marie . But we were the resident hall directors , with two sons , Marie and I , in Taylor Hall . We were there a goodly number of years , and it was good , because we didn 't have to pay any rent , water , and gas , you know . We enjoyed - and I think Marie would tell you , and I 'll let her do that - but I think that the students respected us , and that people that knew me , and the students that knew me , is that if I went into a room and it looked like a barn , I would leave a little note and say , " After you get this room cleaned up , I want you to come down and take me up to your room , I want to see it in a different condition than it is now . " And I 'm sure I irritated a few people doing that . But by the same token I thought , I don 't believe . . . . Because Tom Bellwood , when some of the dignitaries and some of the regents would come , that 's the only dorm he would take anybody to , was ours , because ours was pretty much ready most of the time . I never announced the day I was going to take room check . If I came in . . . . I remember one fellow that his room looked nice except he hadn 't made his bed . And so I made his bed and said , " I think it looks better now , left him a note , and took off . " I think the important thing is that I think that there would be some of the students we had would say that sometimes maybe I was a little tough , but I think that I did it for their own good , and I didn 't do it just to have ' em make a bed . So that young man came by ( chuckles ) and he said , " Thank you for making my bed . " It was just a little deal , but I never announced the day I was going to go around and look . Then another habit I had is that I officiated in the north for many years - football , basketball , and track . There was the times , especially for basketball , when I 'd be coming in at 10 : 30 , 11 : 00 , 12 : 00 . When I drove in out front , I would see lights . I would go by and just knock on the door and check and say , " I 'm just coming in from a basketball trip and I saw tRunge : I was going to ask her , you mentioned moving your family into Taylor Hall and raising a family . At that time was Taylor all boys , all men ? M . Rolle : Well , it was fine . I mean , I enjoyed it . They used to come by . We also had all the mail for the men students , in Taylor Hall , so they came from the other dorms to get their mail . We were young , we loved it . We lived there five years as head residents . J . Rolle : Well , it was a two - bedroom . They made it two bedrooms . First it was just one bedroom , and when Dr . Eastburn asked us to move in as head residents , they took the room next to it for the two boys . But they weren 't allowed to go into the rooms , and we were strict with them . M . Rolle : Well , Joe was always known as being firm but fair . We lived thirteen years on campus . We went from Taylor Hall to - the College Union was just being built , and it was finished July 1 , 1953 , and we lived there until we built a home out in Coconino and moved there in 1960 . And we also had the bookstore in the Union Building , and one of the dining rooms , and then the auditorium . So we spent a good several years on campus . Runge : You just mentioned Mother Hanley ; and Joe , you mentioned Mother Hanley earlier on , and I just wanted to touch base about Mother Hanley and your working for her . You said you worked three hours a day for her . Mother Hanley played a huge roll , not only for the university , but all the students that came there . I mean , that 's how she got that nickname , Mother Hanley . J . Rolle : Well , you know , I don 't like to compare her with my mother , but she was a second mother to the students . Mother Hanley had an apartment over in the girls ' dorm , and every night she went through the hallway there . In the wee hours of the morning , she opened up the dining hall . She was the closest to a second mother that anyone could ever have . She was a delightful lady . She always was the same , and she treated all students alike . Every once in a while . . . . I had a job in the dining hall that was three hours a day . When I first started , it was five o ' clock in the morning to eight . And then Mother Hanley made me the person on the door that would ask or have all the students show - the students were good about showing their little dining hall ticket . Every once in a while , a student would come by - and I never told Mother Hanley this - a student would come by and he said , " You know , Joe , I haven 't gotten my money from home , but it 's coming . Are you gonna let me eat ? " And I said , " Pass . " She , to me , is the closest thing to my second mother . She could never be my mother , but I loved her as if she was my mother . A number of times you said , " Mother , how are you ? " Every morning when I greeted her at five o ' clock , she was sitting at her little desk , and I would go in and say , " Mother , good morning ! " And then every once in a while when I would go in after playing in a basketball game , she said , " I heard you played a pretty good game last night . " And so I said , " Who told you that ? " She said , " Oh , one of the students . " That was five o ' clock in the morning ! I don 't know how it ever got there , because it was closed after we got through there . Mother Hanley was the type of person that I think we still have a copy of a letter from someone that didn 't have his meal ticket . ( to wife ) I 'll let you tell that story . J . Rolle : I 'll let you tell that one , yeah . But anyway , we had a student that didn 't have his money , and we gave him a little note that said , " We will personally stand good for this man 's meals until his money comes from home . " On several occasions we did that , but by the same token I think the important thing really is that the university never got gypped , because the students came through . They were quality young men and women . The nice thing really is that all of us kind of came from family backgrounds around Arizona , you know . And as a result , some of the people that we played against , like in Tucson , came up here as a basketball player like I did . We got to know each other pretty close . [ unclear ] go back to Marie . M . Rolle : Well , I came from Nebraska . After Joe graduated , he came to . . . . It 's a long story about how I got here . ( chuckles ) But my father 's brother came to Prescott , his son had asthma . And when he came back to Nebraska , all he talked about was Arizona . So my dad said someday he was gonna move to Arizona . In Springerville , up in the White Mountains , the Becker Mercantile Company had everything . So my dad had been in lumber and hardware , so they hired him to come out as the manager of Becker Mercantile hardware and lumber . And the family didn 't move out immediately because he wanted to be sure that he was going to like it . But he loved it , so then I brought my mother out , and my family . Then he came to coach at Round Valley High School . M . Rolle : Well , Springerville is a very small town . Some other gals and I were having a Coke in the drugstore , and next door was the hotel where he was gonna be . So he came up in his little Model A , and they were so excited that Joe Rolle was coming to coach . And I looked at him , and I said , " He doesn 't look so hot to me . " ( laughter ) I don 't know , but I don 't know . But that 's how we met . And then he went into the service . And then I actually moved to St . Johns for a while . M . Rolle : Yes . I was with the Arizona State Social Security and Welfare . Then I moved to - my boss moved to Flagstaff and requested my transfer . So then I moved to Flagstaff . M . Rolle : No , we were married one month . He was put on the alert to go overseas . Oh , I had his engagement ring by that time . And so he called and said , " I 'm on the alert , and I 'm going overseas . Let 's get married ! " So I went down to Texas and we got married the day after Christmas . J . Rolle : I have to enter just a minute . I kept telling her , " We 're alert for ALPAC [ phonetic ] . We have thousands of pounds , and we have like fifteen different vehicles that we had to have all ready to go . " I kept saying to her , " You need to get your buns down here if we 're going to get married . " Finally she came on Christmas Day . We had dinner , and the next day . . . . J . Rolle : The next day we went down to the Catholic church and married . But you know , she was draggin ' her feet , and it bothered me a little bit . And I just thought , " You know , look , if we 're gonna get married we need to get this over with ! " Actually , everything that we owned . . . . We had 353 men in our company , we were heavy automotive maintenance . We took care of all the maintenance of 10 - ton , 5 - ton , whatever we had . And we had all the equipment to repair all of those shots , you know , if they were down . We could put ' em back in top shape . But I was gettin ' a little worried about it , and I just thought maybe she was givin ' me the run - around or somethin ' , you know . I just thought I needed to get this clarified . So anyway , I think the important thing really is that she came down . M . Rolle : Well , I told him that I needed to give two weeks notice . And he said , " I may not be here in two weeks . " So I still gave my two weeks notice . M . Rolle : Well , I just felt I owed them two weeks notice . And I still got down there . Then a month later , January 26th , he was on his way overseas . J . Rolle : Four years in the South Pacific . And all of it was down there where we were furnishing Jeeps , 2 - ton vehicles , and everything else . And we had to keep all those in shape . They 'd break ' em up and bring ' em in to us , and then we would put them back in order . And we did that through Ino - we - tok , Quadulant , Guam , and all those places . M . Rolle : Yeah . He insisted that I go back and live with my parents . They had moved to Phoenix in the meantime , so I lived in Phoenix while he was gone . And I worked . M . Rolle : We had what was called the Wives Club . It was servicemen 's wives . And once a week the wives got together somewhere and did something . But I went to work . Then he finally got back , and we lived in Phoenix . That 's when Dr . Bellwood came down and hired him for up here . J . Rolle : I just had a message in the last four or five days where one of the lieutenants that I spent the four years with . . . . I wrote back a note when they told me about him , and I just said he was one of the finest officers I ever served with . And I think the nice thing about it is that 's important , to have good officers , and a closeness that is so important . Well , four years of that is not a short period of time , and you got to be - you treat ' em like your brothers . Runge : Joe , I wanted to ask , when you were at school , Thomas Tormey was the president of the college at that time , and then Tom Bellwood became president . Bellwood was there as an administrator and a teacher when Tormey was there . Did you have any contact with him as a student ? J . Rolle : Oh yeah , Tom Bellwood was like a second dad . Tom Bellwood was very sick during the latter part . A total of three of us went down to visit him because he was home in bed . No , I 'm sorry , he was not in bed at home , he was at the hospital , and we went down and saw some time . I was talking to Tom , and when we got ready to leave , before that I went over and got down at the side of Tom and I said , " You know , you have been a real friend , and not only a good friend but you helped so many young people . I just want you to know that all of us appreciate that . " Needless to say . . . . M . Rolle : Incidentally , we came the same day Dr . Eastburn came . Dr . Eastburn was in Phoenix , and he came as president on July 1 , 1947 . And Joe started the same day as he did . J . Rolle : All the presidents that we 've served under have been good to us - even the present president . He and his wife are very good to us . We appreciate that greatly , and we have told him that many times over those years , because they were nice to us . You have to recognize that and let them know , too - that 's the important thing - that they 're our friends , they 're our teachers . In fact , while I 'm on that , I 'm gonna tell a story . There was a fellow named Ernie Muñoz who was valedictorian for four years . I happened to know when I went to get my student teacher assignment as a teacher of the fourth grade , Ernie Muñoz , the teacher had given him a " 5 . " And I said , " My God , I 'll make a ' 15 . ' " I felt awful bad , because I didn 't know how somebody as bright as he was , would be given a " 5 " in student teaching . Later , when I got to know Dr . Irish , who was my [ supervising teacher when I was a ] student teacher on the fourth grade , and I liked her very much , and she was good , and she had given me a " 1 " . . . . Anyway , I had the authority to speak to her one time and ask , " How could this man get a ' 5 ' and be the valedictorian ? " And she said to me , " Joe , that man , I had to do my duty . And that man should never be in education . " And I said , " You don 't need to tell me any more . I don 't need to know any more . I just felt that somebody was valedictorian , that he 'd go over there and make ' 1 's . ' " And that 's what she gave me , was a " 1 . " But I think the important thing really is that I couldn 't [ unclear ] . So before I got over there for student teaching , I went over and made a habit of getting over on the playgrounds when they were out . I went over there and I got to know all those students before I ever got in the teaching class - you know , fourth grade . And I think it was the greatest thing I ever did , because I got to know them by name ; I got to know who was their moms and dads and stuff . A lot of them I knew , you know , because . . . . Anyway , it was . . . . I always felt sorry for that fellow : How can he be valedictorian and not make it in teacher ed ? M . Rolle : Let me explain something . Back then , when we first came here , a " 1 " was an " A , " and a " 5 " was failing . Things were reversed a few years later . So when he said he got a " 1 " and Ernie Muñoz got " 5 , " [ unclear ] . J . Rolle : I really don 't know . But someone had said that he had got a job in education , but I don 't remember where it was , or who it was that told me that now . But that 's kind of unbelievable , isn 't it ? I mean , just to have the top man in the class , and . . . . I always felt for him , anyhow . When I went over there , I thought , " Well , hell , I 'll get a ' 5 . ' " J . Rolle : Yeah , I had to have an answer , and that 's why I went to Dr . Irish after a little while . Her recommendation was , " [ He ] should never get into education . " And that was good enough , I guess , for me , because she was a wonderful teacher , and all those people over there in the elementary were wonderful teachers . But , you know . . . . And I just . . . . Runge : I want to jump back up to Flagstaff . You both arrived here on July 1 , 1947 , with the Eastburns . What 's campus like ? It 's almost six years later , since you 've graduated . Has campus changed at all , the physical development of campus ? Had any new buildings been built ? Were there more students . This is just after World War II , the G . I . Bill , men are coming back to school and capitalizing on their G . I . Bill benefits . What happened to the enrollment here , and how did the physical campus handle the influx of students ? J . Rolle : Well , it didn 't go up as fast as ASU or Tucson , you know . But by the same token , they went up very fast . I think we had some of the finest elementary teachers that you could find anyplace in the country . They were good , they were firm , but they were . . . . See , that first building over there on the campus , that was the Education Building . In the fourth grade , I had one of the classrooms upstairs . I told you about the teacher and the grade with the " 5 " for the valedictorian . That was a sad day . J . Rolle : He told me he wanted to hire me , and I told him that . . . . I think I 'm repeating here . We had the two boys , and my salary was $ 500 and he had to meet it . J . Rolle : Five thousand . And he didn 't meet that . But anyway , I stayed with what he gave me , and here I am . M . Rolle : I don 't think that long . I took over as bookstore manager when he was dean of men . Well , in fact , when we moved into the Union Building , and the bookstore was in the Union Building . So Dr . Eastburn hired me to be manager of the bookstore . M . Rolle : Yeah . Then he was dean of students . Those are the three jobs . Well , he had an accounting major , and taught accounting . But I worked for seven years as manager of the bookstore . And in the meantime , ten years after our second son , we had a daughter . She lived on the campus . I think we were there three more years in the Union Building . But what I wanted to say about the changes , from the time we came here , each president improved the university . And I tell the alumni now , when they come back , that their degrees are much better than when they got them , because I think each president has improved the university . And I think Dr . Haeger is doing a great job in improving not just academically - everything . J . Rolle : Dr . Haeger is a good president , and he is a very hard worker . He is enjoyable to work with , to visit , and be around . I have said to Marie many times that when I see them , I thank both of them , because they have been , as I mentioned before , very good to both of us . And you know , we sit in his box for sports . He doesn 't have to do that , because we have seats , and they 're on the fifth row , on the 50 - yard line . Anyway , he 's a good man , and I think they have the right president now , and I think that he is doing a good job , and he is a very hard worker . And his wife is also a very intelligent person who meets the students very , very well . ( to wife ) Is that about true ? M . Rolle : Oh yeah . One thing I wanted to mention , after the bookstore and I resigned , we built a home out in Coconino . Dr . McDonald called me and asked if I would help him out in career placement for three months . So I agreed to do that . Well , the three months turned into nearly twenty years more . ( chuckles ) Runge : We 're down to the last five minutes on this tape , and I thought I 'd ask Marie one quick question . It 's kind of dawning on me that you were a pretty busy person . While you guys were here , you were a mom , a wife , the manager of the bookstore . How did you handle all of that , or manage all of that ? Raising kids and . . . . M . Rolle : Two honors : the Associate Women Students , once a year they had what they called Women 's Day . They chose the outstanding woman student , and the outstanding faculty or staff member . And I was chosen one year as the outstanding staff . And the other one was the Annual - both of them were big surprises - when they dedicated the Annual to me . M . Rolle : ( laughs ) Ah , yes . That was in St . Johns . I mentioned that I moved to St . Johns from Springerville with the Social Security and Welfare . Well , there wasn 't a great deal to do in St . Johns , and three women lived together , and one started flying , so she talked the other two into it . So the first one up in the morning got the best flying time , so she had to go back and cook breakfast for the other two . And then they had a Civil Air Patrol unit . And so we joined that . That 's what we did in the evening . J . Rolle : Marie is being a little bit backward . I 'm going to tell you about her . She graduated from St . Bonaventure High School in Nebraska . All the time she was there , she was the valedictorian , she was the queen of everything , and she did this and that . Marie was a very popular young lady . When I met her the first time , she gave me the brush - off . I went to the bookstore where she was working , and I think the important thing is that . . . . So I asked her for a date and got turned down . A little while later I asked for another date , and finally had a date with her . But I want to let you know that this woman is twice as bright as I am , and she 's much smarter than I am . She has a good head . And I think when you raise a family , she 's the one that always is the person that takes care of if there 's a problem or something . She does it because she doesn 't get . . . . Like me , I might be a little bit mean about it . Not her . I 've never seen that in her . And so how grateful I am . ( to wife ) How many years ? Sixty - seven ? Runge : We 're with the Rolles , Joe and Marie . This is Tape 2 . Today is Monday , February 22 , [ 2010 ] . When we left off , Joe was talking about how fortunate he is to have Marie in his life . So maybe we can ask Marie a couple of questions at this point . Let me just get to those . One of the things I wanted to ask was when you guys were on campus , you were working here , you were a mom , but there were a lot of other faculty wives that were on campus . Was there a faculty wives organization ? M . Rolle : One year , yeah . Of course we didn 't have near as many faculty at that time . In fact , we met in the homes , once a month . I still have our faculty wives brochure , where all the names were put in . It was an active organization , and we did end up , I believe , giving a scholarship , faculty wives . But it was strictly a social organization . Runge : How many members were there approximately ? Was it a pretty small , tight - knit group ? I imagine it just kind of grew over time as the university . . . . M . Rolle : They discontinued it . And then they merged with the faculty . How was that ? Yeah , because at first it was just the wives of faculty . And then they merged with the faculty women . They haven 't been active for several years now . As we 're getting older , I 'm trying to go through files and find things that we can shred . J . Rolle : We were going through papers and I was putting them through the shredder , and several of them she wanted to keep . I think it was very interesting , some of them . Do you remember any of those ? M . Rolle : You know , I was wondering , we have lots of files on NAU , the alumni , the past presidents group , and lots of things that concern the university . Some of them are pretty old . And I also have a couple of files , I think - I gave some of them away - but on University Heights and when this area was developed . I 'll remember that and see if you want anything before I shred it . Runge : Marie , you mentioned that each president kind of left their mark here on the campus , and kind of built the campus up a little bit more for the next president . I was wondering , we 've talked a little bit about Tom Bellwood . We mentioned Thomas Tormey . What about Lacey Eastburn . What was it like ? You guys both arrived on campus at the same time , so you had this connection already with the Eastburns , but what was it like working with the Eastburns and knowing them ? M . Rolle : Lacey Eastburn kept this university - wasn 't a university at the time , it was Arizona State Teachers College . He actually , you know , there was talk about closing it . He actually - there wasn 't a lot of money , and Dr . Eastburn was very conservative . M . Rolle : Very , yeah . In other words , if we had to go down to Phoenix to a meeting , well , the tires on the university cars were not too good . Usually people had a flat tire going or coming , but we didn 't have I - 17 either , and it took us six hours to get to Phoenix . M . Rolle : Yarnell and all that , yeah . Now , there wasn 't a lot of money , and we all , when we had things on campus , the faculty , the executives - what did they call them ? the cabinet - was expected to clean rooms and everything else because they were coming . There were a lot of things going on in the summertime , because they wanted to keep all the dormitories full . We had a lot of summer activity too . But each one improved . Runge : We interviewed Sam Borozon , and he talked a little bit about Lacey Eastburn . I 've seen a couple of pictures of Lacey Eastburn , and he kind of has this real avuncular , like he 's your uncle , or this really gentlemanly appearance in his image , but Sam Borozon said that he had a very steely gaze , and that if he called you into his office you could just feel his gaze come down on you like a hundred pounds of weight . I mean , that 's a student 's perspective , but how was he to work with and to socialize with ? M . Rolle : And until he retired from teaching , I think he came back to homecoming and so forth . Well , there wasn 't the money to do things , and you were expected to , when organizations came , the faculty got in and did the work , because we couldn 't afford to hire it done . But he kept the school open . Runge : Yeah . I just read about that recently , about it was kind of touch and go . There were some decision - makers down in Phoenix that were questioning why there 's a teachers or normal school in Tempe , and one up in Flagstaff , " Why do we need two ? " It was fairly challenging . M . Rolle : Well actually , when we came here , ASU and ASTC were the rivals . I mean , the University of Arizona was the top dog . But I always credited Luke Air Force Base with the growth at ASU because so many people from all over the country during World War II were stationed at Luke Air Force Base , and they liked the weather , and they liked everything about it , and came out and registered at ASU , which at the time was ASU at Tempe . At the time , ASC , Flagstaff . So we were the rivals . And as you know , it was the students from ASU who came up and stole the gold axe from the office , because we were their rivals . But that 's all changed . Runge : Yeah ! ( laughs ) Speaking of Sam , when we interviewed him he spoke so highly of the both of you . You made a huge impression on Sam , and were really kind of surrogate parents for Sam . I know that he really appreciated everything that you guys did for him . One of the stories that he mentioned took place in 1956 . According to Sam , there was a rumor around campus that you guys might be leaving Flagstaff , that you were tempted with another job or another opportunity someplace , and that the students quickly organized themselves and tapped you as homecoming dedicatee . I was just wondering if you guys could elaborate on that , what was happening in 1956 in your lives ? M . Rolle : Well , I always told - Joe was offered several jobs while he was dean of students . And I told him , " You know , there are other schools besides Flagstaff . " And he would go so far in checking out the job , and when it was offered to him he 'd turn it down because he didn 't want to leave Flagstaff and ASC . M . Rolle : It was a great place to raise a family . They had the best of - we always knew where they were , knew their friends , and they had the university for the social things and art and music . And our schools turned out some very fine people - I mean our public schools . And we didn 't feel that any other place was as good , I guess . But I could never get Joe to even consider moving . I would have moved . M . Rolle : I thought that was a four - year now . It started out as a two - year . Anyhow , we did go down and check that out . When we got back and they sent him a telegram that he 'd been hired , he turned it down . And there were different things : one in California . I 've even forgotten . . . . But different times he would be invited to apply . M . Rolle : Uh - huh . No . Dr . Walkup came the year after we came . And of course he came as College of Education , and he worked under Dr . Eastburn . And then when Dr . Eastburn died , Dr . Walkup was appointed . No , they weren 't aware of it . Joe spent four summers back at Columbia University , and has a degree from Columbia . Runge : So you mentioned Larry Walkup . Larry Walkup is probably one of . . . . Well , he was the longest - tenured president at Northern Arizona University , and the second - longest - tenured of any college or university in America . Runge : What was it like . . . . Lacey Eastburn actually passed away while he was still president , and Larry Walkup took over . One of the things I read about Larry Walkup was that when he first came to Flagstaff , he was impressed with the people , the faculty - the people that worked at Arizona State College - and also the curriculum , but he wasn 't that impressed with the campus itself . Runge : And probably one of the legacies of Larry Walkup was the physical development of the campus . It went from basically what we now know as North Campus , to Central and then all the way down into South Campus . I was wondering if I could ask you guys a couple questions about that . He immediately starts building - or , well , I guess Lacey Eastburn had started or got the money for what 's now the Eastburn Educational Building . But Larry sees the construction through that . And I was wondering what it was like working with Dr . Walkup as he 's developing the campus so rapidly . I mean , these were pretty . . . Even though it was twenty - two years , that 's an enormous amount of change in a relatively short period of time . I was wondering what it was like working with Dr . Walkup during this pivotal time in the university 's development . J . Rolle : Over by the old stadium , you 're going to see one of the most beautiful buildings in the state of Arizona , when that is built over there . So we 're going to have a real modern building . You know , we have one down here on the south entrance . That 's a very special building down there . We don 't have to be the low man on the totem pole . I hope you 're still around , both of you , when that new building down there on the old football field is down there , when that is up . The students , the community , and the state will be very , very happy to see such a nice building going up on the campus . Because I think too often that with Walkup , I think he got a little tight at times , and he 'd be out there walking about where to put a building . You know , on some of the buildings the board of regents said to him , " Walkup , how you gonna pay for all these things ? " And he would say , " The bookstore , the mail room , the food service . . . . " J . Rolle : " Coke machines , and then the laundry machines in the dorms . " And he had enough cash there to go for the Sky Dome . And they said , " How you gonna pay for this ? " And he said , " Well . . . " He mentioned all these things . Then the regents had to go look at those accounts and see what they had . Well , we had built up a lot of that , Marie and I , with the bookstore , mail room , and all these places had been responsible for a lot of that money , you know . But he was very proud of saying , " We have it . " But you know , Walkup used to go out there in the mornings on the weekend and he would walk some of those areas about where he 'd want to put a building up , you see . Runge : Even when the buildings were being constructed , I know that he kind of exercised a little bit , he 'd walk around the campus . But when he 'd walk around the campus , he 'd start asking questions of the contractors and the subcontractors , like , " Why are you doing this ? " always with the eye to improve the development or the construction of the next building or buildings that he was about to embark upon . Kind of an amazing guy , because from what I understand he was very hands - on in all aspects of the college and university from hiring - he was the last piece of the interviewing process , I think , for a very long time - but actually going out and talking with the contractors and the subcontractors of this building . And I just wondered , how did he run the university ? There were only twenty - four hours in a day , and it seems like he was a pretty busy man . J . Rolle : Well , he did put up the most buildings of a president , and I think that he deserves credit for that . But he also just walked to talk about the potential of a building going there . And he was pretty good about that , in the layout of the ground and stuff . And you can see that he 's the president that put up the most buildings on campus , and as a result , I think he 's put up some pretty good buildings . But I 'm telling you that when that building is done over there . . . . Runge : Yeah . Let me see , what else ? You mentioned when Dr . Walkup would speak with the legislators and ABOR , that he convinced them he had enough money on campus , but it required a bit of diplomacy to build these buildings . It must have felt that he was constantly going down and asking to build another building with each passing year , because it 's a pretty consistent pattern : there were , I think , over thirty buildings constructed during his tenure , and he was only here for twenty - two years , so that 's more than a building a year . And how did that work , did you go down with him to talk with ABOR ? J . Rolle : The important thing really is to separate the two . There was such a thing as local funds versus the state funds . And everything that came out of the state came through the legislature down there . Well , the local funds , one time when he was asked how he 's gonna build that dome , they asked him exactly , " Lawrence , how do you intend to build this building ? " he said , " Mailroom , housing , food service , dormitories and all that . " His local funds were probably greater than any of the three universities ' . That local fund means that its dormitories are not state funds . And he had a great sum . When he told them he was gonna get local funds , and then he gave them the amounts and stuff , then they were convinced , you see . He wanted to be called " the builder . " That was one of his desires , that he would be called the builder of the campus buildings . And I think he would have loved to have had that name . And I think it could be said that 's true . But those local funds , I 'll tell you , because Marie and I were some of the people that helped make some of those local funds , you know . The legislature was just stymied when he said he had the local funds to build the dome . And they let him proceed then . But until then , they wanted to know where that money was coming from , because they probably didn 't have to put it up , you know . Anyway , he was a sharp dealer . He got his dollar 's worth every time he added a building . He got the full dollar . And that 's the important thing , that you do it , because I think some of the construction that went on during some periods of that time , they cut back as much as they could to get the building [ costs ] down , and [ the building itself ] up and up and gone , you know . But I think that they got their dollar 's worth , and still do . When this thing goes up , remember what Joe told you . J . Rolle : Yup , and the other one 's gonna be two of the finest buildings on the campus . I think we need some of those . It 's not because we 're the poor guys up here or somethin ' - we 're not that . We should have the same thing as the other two universities - nice - looking buildings . If you go on the Tempe and Tucson campus , it 's kind of a pleasure to see the very , very nice buildings . Why should we be any different ? Runge : I agree . It 's a special place . I want to shift gears from the physical campus to some of the social and cultural things that happened during your time at NAU . The 1960s were kind of a pivotal time in America . There were a lot of changes , starting off with the election and then eventual assassination of John F . Kennedy , all the way through to the Vietnam War . I was wondering how those national and international events kind of affected campus , or manifested themselves on campus . Was there very much protesting going on during Vietnam ? No ? M . Rolle : There was some protesting , let 's see , just the one summer , I think it was , during the summer . But on the whole , our students didn 't protest , but there was one night I remember that the students protested . Of course in food and stuff , there was always - not always , but oftentimes they complained about the food . When they did , we would go , unannounced , for dinner or lunch and so forth , to check , because that was one of the areas that came under [ Joe ] . He 'd get the students who were complaining , and the manager of the food service , and we 'd go unannounced , purposely . J . Rolle : I always met the students that came and complained , and I said , " Okay , I want you to join me personally , and we 'll go over and we 'll have the head person , and each of you tell him exactly what it is you don 't like . " And we would spend sometimes a couple of hours . They would at least have their chance to do that , you see . And then every once in a while I would say to Marie , " Let 's go have a meal over there , " because I wanted to follow up a little bit , so that if they came back , then I would have some kind of an answer as to what the meal was like on at least that one occasion , you see . But we didn 't go very often . I think it was taking the students there , and talking directly with him and telling him exactly what the problems were - that was necessary , I think . And I think the kids did a nice job . They weren 't ugly , they did a nice job , just like Lumberjacks . They did a good job in what they had to say . It was probably good for the food service , you see . But I think that generally speaking , starting with Mother Hanley , that the food service has always been . . . I don 't want to use the word passable , but I want to say it 's above that . Mother Hanley delighted in paying the cooks much higher salaries than they could get any place in town at any restaurant . And that was one of her real strong points , because if she had that authority to say , " This is not the kind of money that we want to pay for them . We want to pay a salary that will keep ' em here for a while . " I think the food service was good . M . Rolle : We had the finest music department in the state . We had the finest education department in the state . And we put out the best teachers . When I was in career placement and we had all the businesses coming in , and our college of business , I compared our students with any , anywhere in the state . Runge : We talked a little bit about some social unrest in America , and how that maybe manifested itself on campus , but now I want to talk a little bit about , or ask you , Joe , you 're a real people person , and I can tell you were both very fond of the students . Ultimately , you were part of the administration of the university and the college . I just want to talk about that fine line that you guys probably had to walk , caring for the students , but also knowing at the same time that you were carrying out the mission of the university . That must have been difficult at times , especially as the university began to grow . It went from a college , about 1 , 000 students , to what we 're now at , 16 , 000 , but I 'm sure it was closer to 10 , 000 or 11 , 000 during the tail end of Dr . Walkup 's tenure as president . I was wondering how you guys managed to balance the demands of administration with the needs of the students . J . Rolle : I think that basically we were very fortunate , because I think so many people that chose this university over the other two , simply because they thought it 's gonna be a little smaller and be better , the teachers will have the real love for them , help them get their degrees , and this and that . I think that the students that came , I think were not from wealthy families . There were some , you know . What I guess I 'm trying to say is that many of them , I think , it takes a little doing when your dad might be working in the mines , and then the food costs and everything else . I never believed that I would have a doctorate from Columbia University . I never believed that I 'd have a doctorate from NAU . Never in my life did I ever think that I would have those two degrees . And I think the important thing really is that I think that this is why I think some students come here , because if they 're coming from a mining camp - and we have lots of ' em here in Arizona - that to come up with the fees is not easy . But they feel like they can come here , and they can work to help Mom and Dad with the fund that they 're puttin ' through . And not only help Mom and Dad , but help themselves in trying to help pay for some of the bills . Because education is not cheap . Well , you know , I went back to Columbia University , New York , and got a doctor 's degree . I 'll show you that . J . Rolle : She 'll be interested in knowing that my roommate at Columbia University was Francis Gavern [ phonetic ] , another wonderful fellow , good ol ' Irishman . Francis and I roomed at Columbia . Wonderful person . Unfortunately , he 's gone . But I think that I never dreamed I 'd have those degrees . M . Rolle : In regard to the question you asked , as a dean 's wife , I tried never to interfere . I mean , a lot of things I had to keep inside because you just didn 't really express yourself . And I think Lucy found this too , because we 've kind of laughed since that time , while she was the president 's wife I know that she didn 't always agree with a lot of things . There were things I didn 't necessarily agree with , but I couldn 't say anything . J . Rolle : When I was at Columbia , I sent a research paper or something that had to be done , to her . And it always came back typed perfect , and this and that . She should have half the degree , and I admit that , and I admit it very readily because she made it just a little bit easier . But a whole lot easier as far as I was concerned . When you get to a place like Columbia , they 're pretty fussy about . . . . And yet , I found - Minnie Roseberry taught a class here in adolescent psychology . I sat in a couple of times , but the head gal that has been at Columbia University for a long time . . . . J . Rolle : . . . said that my teacher here was as good or better than that at Columbia . So you know , you see you can do a lot of comparing . The nice thing about it is Francis and I roomed together , and all we had to do is go down maybe 200 steps , and every morning we 'd go to the Catholic church for communion . Then when we used to go down to . . . . J . Rolle : No . We 'd go to Patty 's Clam House , we liked that , boy that was a good place , down in the middle of New York . Now , that was a good place to go ! But the place I want to talk about is in Columbia University , it 's 121st Street . And the place down below is supposedly the bad people . When we used to go down there , they used to always just say , " When are the Arizona boys coming ? " When we 'd get there , they 'd say , " Well , we wondered when you were coming . " And they were very nice . And we would go into the same market all the time . I don 't know , it just . . . . I just feel so privileged that the things that Flagstaff , for me , was from Day One , all I could ever expect , what they did for me . And you know , I 'm thankful . And I think you know that a lot of times there are times , I 'm sure , that faculty get a little bit put out , and maybe get a little sharp . But by the same token , I never had that experience . And I didn 't have it at Columbia , and I didn 't have it at . . . . See , Ruth Strang is probably the most outstanding woman in counseling and guidance , and she was my professor all the time . The lady had an apartment down at 69th Street in New York , and Columbia is on 121st . And she would walk every day , to Columbia - from her home to Columbia University - from Columbia University back to her apartment . And she was about sixty - some years old when this all occurred . How can you be that fortunate , to have those kind of people in your life ? It sounds like I 'm trying to be a little bit smart . I 'm not trying to be smart at all . I 'm just trying to say how lucky can you really be , to be able to work with some of those people who have your interests , who have your love and everything else . I 'm thankful . You can 't be anything but thankful , when all the good things happen for you . And if you are , then you 're not appreciative of your friends , all of them . So I don 't know , but . . . . I don 't know if we just discouraged you , or . . . . J . Rolle : I get up every morning . . . . Marie will tell you - when she gets to her side of the bed , I go over and thank her and hope she has a good night . Then the next morning I get up , give her a kiss , and ask her if she had a good night . And sometimes she doesn 't . But most of the times , it 's pretty good . And so [ unclear ] I guess my Catholic religion , and my love of family , both our families , that we have each other , you know . You know , that 's a lot of years , sixty - seven years , and I love her just as much as I did the first day when I asked her for a date and she said no . Anyway , I don 't know . I thank the good Lord , and I thank her because she has been my person that has steered me . When I have been wrong , she has told me . And I have never found a time when she has said something like that , that I didn 't deserve it , or it shouldn 't have happened . So that lady . . . . J . Rolle : I want both of us to live as long as we can . You know , I 'm gettin ' up into age . Soon I 'll be ninety - three - I 'm ninety - two now . I 've had open - heart surgery , I 've had some surgeries and stuff . You can 't get any more thankful than that . Yes , you can be , but it 's somethin ' . As soon as we get through , I want to take you upstairs for a couple of minutes because we have stuff there that I think you would be interested in , the both of you . And I want to take a few minutes there , just with you , so whenever you say it 's . . . . Runge : Okay . Just a couple more questions . You guys worked and lived on the university for about forty years , and you 've been affiliated with the university for over sixty years . What are some of your fondest memories of the university over that span of time ? M . Rolle : Well , they 're all fond memories . I don 't know of any time that we 've been unhappy here . Everything just worked out . Of course I 'm a great believer in attitude . You can be happy , or you can be miserable . And with the right attitude , why not be happy ? M . Rolle : Yeah . Then you have to turn around and find out how to get out . Having lived there for thirteen years , there 's so many one - way streets , and everything is so changed . But it 's all an improvement . Runge : The oral history interviews ? What we do with them , we put them on the Colorado Plateau Digital Archives , which is affiliated with the library , and people will be able to view the interview , and use it for research . If anyone 's doing research on you guys , or just kind of curious about the university or the development of the university , they could search through the transcript or listen to the interview and learn more about the university . So we 'll make this available to everybody , because it 'll be on the Internet . The digital archives is on the Internet . Runge : Yeah . It 'll be really wonderful . And we 've done some other interviews : We 've done Sam Borozon , and we have a few others in mind too . I just have one more question for you guys . What do you feel the Rolle legacy is at NAU ? M . Rolle : Well , I really don 't know what sort of a legacy we leave . I just know we have no negative thoughts about it , and we worked hard , and there was no such thing as a forty - hour work week . You worked ' til you got your job done . It was never just forty hours . Of course when we lived on campus , it was seven days , twenty - four hours . J . Rolle : Well , the thing about it is we lived on campus so long that any problem always came to us first . Then it was our duty to fix something , do something , just whatever needed to be done . Maybe no lights for a long time , and we would have to find out . But I think that we always tried to take care of any problem that was on the campus . I told Walkup when he was thinking about moving on the campus that he was not going to like it , " Because they 'll go to you instead of me . I 'd like that , but . . . . " He said , " I 'll send them to you , " because any problem had to come to us . That didn 't have to , but it did , because they knew that we would take it up and do what we had to do to try to fix something , or " How much longer is it going to be for these lights to be out ? How much longer is the gas going to be off , and it 's cold in winter . " I think we enjoyed doing what we did , as we look back and see what we did and what we didn 't do . But there 's not too much we didn 't do . I think there were times that [ unclear ] that take a [ unclear ] and a necktie and white shirt , and she would take it to the office because she told the young man before that he was going to be interviewing for a job , and that he had to have a necktie and a suit - she told him . So we had that on many occasions . It was just a delightful thing to do , because the kid had to make the impression , you know . And it worked out for us . And our students were not very . . . . They would do that , or somebody would tell them that they [ hurt ? ] , maybe that I might let one of ' em use one of my suits and necktie and stuff , and make an impression and stuff . But it was those kind of things that I think it was just part of the job . It wasn 't something that we were asked to do , it was just something that we felt in our hearts that we wanted to help every student that we could . I couldn 't be any happier than if I had gone to Columbia , ASU , U . of A . , community college or something . I got the help right here , and never could I be negative about how wM . Rolle : No regrets . J . Rolle : We 're thankful . So , you know , it 's awful nice of you people to do this , because you get a better feeling of why we were here so long . And you know , I guess we could have moved to Phoenix or Tucson or someplace , or down to my old hometown of Bisbee - which she wouldn 't go . . . . ( laughter ) I just thank the good Lord , and I thank the university , and I thank that all the people , all of them , that were nice to both of us . And to me , that is a pretty good life . M . Rolle : No , I was thinking when you were talking about Bisbee - you know , we 've had a lot of students from Bisbee , and I learned a long time ago that when he said Bisbee [ unclear ] . ( laughter ) He still does . ( laughter ) J . Rolle : I 've often said sometime . . . . Well , I went down and gave a lecture , and I 'd like to go again , because I think I got a little more melancholy than I used to be , and I 'd like to go down and talk to the students . I think I would have a message for them . M . Rolle : He gave the . . . . When he was out of high school twenty - five years , he gave the graduation address to Bisbee High School . And of course he told them he never thought he 'd be invited ( laughter ) to give the graduation address . J . Rolle : I think the important thing really is that with us yakking - me especially , I guess - I talked more than Marie did . I apologize for that to Marie , and to you . Nice meeting you both . J . Rolle : It 's a nice thing for you to do , and we appreciate the time . And not only the time , but the courtesy from both of you . Maybe we 're better people for yakkin ' . Description Rating Call number NAU . OH . 2009 . 124 . 4 Item number 131509 Creator Rolle , Joe Title Oral history interview with Joe and Marie Rolle , [ with transcript ] , February 22 , 2010 . Date 2010 Type MovingImage Description Joe and Marie Rolle talk about their childhoods , meeting in Jerome , their marriage and their years at Arizona State College which would become NAU . Collection name Lumberjack Timbres Language English Repository Northern Arizona University . Cline Library . Rights Digital surrogates are the property of the repository . Reproduction requires permission . Contributor Rolle , MarieRunge , PeterMunoz , Delia Ceballos , 1951 - Subjects Students - - ArizonaStudent housingStudent activitiesColleges and universities - - Arizona - - Flagstaff Places Flagstaff ( Ariz . ) Bisbee ( Ariz . ) Oral history transcripts Joe and Marie Rolle February 22 , 2010 Runge : This is Peter Runge and Delia Muñoz from Northern Arizona University 's Cline Library , interviewing Joe and Marie Rolle . Today is Monday , February 22 , 2010 , and we 're conducting the oral history at the Rolle residence in Flagstaff , Arizona . First , I 'd like to thank you , Joe and Marie , for inviting us into your home and agreeing to be interviewed today . This interview will be part of the NAU Lumberjack Timbers Oral History Project documenting the experiences of Arizona State College and Northern Arizona University alumni , and you guys are one of our very first interviews . Joe , let 's start with a little biographical information , leading up to your times as a student at Arizona State College . Would you tell us when and where you were born ? J . Rolle : I was born September 5 , 1917 , in Bisbee , Arizona . My mother had six children , and two of my sisters are gone , and Mom and Dad are gone , of course . I enjoyed coming to Flagstaff , because Coach McCreary came down to see me , and I was a pretty good basketball player at Bisbee High School . McCreary gave me a job , which meant that I would work three hours , for my room and board , in the dining hall . And that was seven days a week , and it paid for my room and board . My family , my dad was a miner , and Mom was [ quite a linguist ? ] . It was an opportunity to get a degree , and so I was quick to accept it - not only accept it , but I found a real home when I came to Northern Arizona University . I have a great love for NAU . All my days here were wonderful . I was treated royally . I have enjoyed being here , and in fact I 'll die here . And I think the important thing really is that it 's a wonderful institution . Anyone that comes here will never say that they made a mistake . They will just say , " Oh , it 's exactly what we wanted . " And I think that I have enjoyed every minute that I have been here , and that 's a long , long time . ' 37 [ 1937 ] is when I returned as a student and spent four years and got a degree . It was after I had spent four years in the military . Dr . Tom Bellwood , who was about second in command at that time , and he was my teacher as well as a very good friend , and he came to the capital where , after the military , I was the state tax commission , and I was the head cashier of that area . And as a result , why , when Tom Bellwood just said , " Joe , would you like to return to Flagstaff ? " I said , " I would love to do it , but we have two boys now , and my salary is $ 5 , 000 , you would have to meet it . " Incidentally , he did not meet it . ( laughter ) He promised me at the time that he was going to do it . But anyway , I was happy to return . You know , that 's a lot of years here . I love the place , and how couldn 't someone that has been treated as royally as Marie and I , insofar as the university . . . . And so as a result , whJ . Rolle : Oh yeah , my mother and father had six children . J . Rolle : Two of my sisters , Marge and Catherine , are deceased . They went pretty early , and I don 't know why . They had my brother Charles , who is a retired medical doctor , and he 's in Palm Springs , California . He 's an anatomical and critical pathologist , and he was always very good to the family . I can remember when he went to the U . of A . , he had said to Mom and Dad he was going to be a mining engineer . And that was a fat , fat lie . ( laughter ) The whole family knew that , but he felt that that was a more receptive major that they would receive , because a lot of young people down there in Bisbee were over to the U . of A . , and they were in engineering and different thing , mining engineering and different things . But he made Mom and Dad feel , [ unclear ] , and we would grab ourselves and say , " Why are you telling a lie ? Just tell her the truth . Tell ' em the truth , they need to know that . " And so anyway , they accepted it , and he went over there . Incidentally he was a fine student , and later became a medical doctor . I think that just goes to show you that people are down in a mining camp , you have to work for what you earn , but the mines were very generous to people . I never was lucky enough , but when some of the young men came back , they tried to keep jobs for the young people , and it was a nice salary to build a little amount of money for when they do return for the second , third , or fourth year . I 'm so happy of being born and raised in Bisbee , because the people were very , very generous to all the students that were going on . And you know , they 'd always inquire from Mom and Dad , " How 's the boys doing ? " and how are my sisters doing , and this and that . A lot of those young people in Bisbee didn 't have the wherewith , except the salary that Dad was making in the mines , and they didn 't have the opportunity to come to a university . And part of mine was responsible for McCreary , which I mentioned , who was the basketball coach . And he came down , and I had a pretty good night one night , and he said , " Would you lRunge : So you and your brother went to college . Did your parents kind of encourage that with all your siblings ? J . Rolle : Well , you know , family encouraged it a lot . My brother was a very bright person , and he pushed it . I think the nice thing about it is moms and dads always felt they didn 't have a lot of money , and if you went to Tucson it was going to be higher than NAU , and it would even be higher at Tempe . And so as a result , this was my choice . My choice was because McCreary came down , saw me in a ball game that was a lot of points , and said would I like to come , and I said I 'd love it . Runge : That was pretty fortunate that he came down on that night that you had a really hot shooting night . ( laughter ) One of the questions I wanted to ask you about was when you first came here in 1937 , campus , the town , it must have been significantly different . What were your first impressions when you arrived here ? J . Rolle : Well , you know , it seems that there was a group of us from Globe , Miami , that met on the same bus that brought us up here . As we came in , we could see the old mill over there , and this and that , and one of my comments was , " Oh my God , look what we got into ! " ( laughter ) It was the people here . Our instructors were such wonderful people . I , on occasion , was guilty of missing a couple of geography classes in Dr . Allen 's class . And Dr . Allen said to me , " You know , Joe , you missed a few classes . Now , because you 're student body president and in my class doesn 't mean that gives you any more freedom to miss . I would prefer that you get back and not miss another class for the rest of the semester . " And I said to her , " I shall do that , " because I was very fond of Dr . Allen , and I think she was a wonderful teacher , and very willing to help young people that needed a little push or a little bit of help . How many teachers would say to you , " You 're missing a few too many classes and you 'd better get with it " ? And she was Runge : Why did you miss her classes ? Did you have other things going on related to student government ? ( clock chimes ) J . Rolle : You know , I was student body president in my junior year and in my senior year , and as a result , on a couple of occasions , Dr . Allen mentioned something , that I missed a few . They were in the afternoon , there 's no reason for it . And so as a result . . . . She 's a wonderful lady . I really enjoyed her . And I took a couple of classes from her , and she was a marvelous teacher . She loved NAU and was here a long time , as so many of the teachers I had . J . Rolle : Over in what now is the Education Building , the first building . They were there . Dr . Allen taught there , and Dr . Bellwood , and different ones . Dr . Bellwood was accounting . That 's where several of my classes were . And then we had classes over in Old Main . There is a time in my life when I had a little visit with Dr . Walkup . Dr . Walkup had made up his mind that we should make a dormitory out of that . And frankly , knowing me , I did not encourage it . And the reason I didn 't encourage it , because if you go over there today , you will find that every one of those staircases was lumber . And if somebody on the third floor had ever got caught in a trap , they wouldn 't have gotten out , because depending on how fast that fire went or got to , then it would tell you that there is a degree of danger here . And so I think that 's the only time I really ever had some words with Dr . Walkup , where I was feeling very strongly about it , and I thought that this is not a very smart thing to do . And he said he was going to go ahead with it . Thank God he didn 't ! Because it could have been a real fire trap . You know , when you have three floors and everything is stairs up and down , including the basement . So it was a dangerous degree that I was not very receptive to . J . Rolle : And then I think I 'll leave the other part to Marie . But we were the resident hall directors , with two sons , Marie and I , in Taylor Hall . We were there a goodly number of years , and it was good , because we didn 't have to pay any rent , water , and gas , you know . We enjoyed - and I think Marie would tell you , and I 'll let her do that - but I think that the students respected us , and that people that knew me , and the students that knew me , is that if I went into a room and it looked like a barn , I would leave a little note and say , " After you get this room cleaned up , I want you to come down and take me up to your room , I want to see it in a different condition than it is now . " And I 'm sure I irritated a few people doing that . But by the same token I thought , I don 't believe . . . . Because Tom Bellwood , when some of the dignitaries and some of the regents would come , that 's the only dorm he would take anybody to , was ours , because ours was pretty much ready most of the time . I never announced the day I was going to take room check . If I came in . . . . I remember one fellow that his room looked nice except he hadn 't made his bed . And so I made his bed and said , " I think it looks better now , left him a note , and took off . " I think the important thing is that I think that there would be some of the students we had would say that sometimes maybe I was a little tough , but I think that I did it for their own good , and I didn 't do it just to have ' em make a bed . So that young man came by ( chuckles ) and he said , " Thank you for making my bed . " It was just a little deal , but I never announced the day I was going to go around and look . Then another habit I had is that I officiated in the north for many years - football , basketball , and track . There was the times , especially for basketball , when I 'd be coming in at 10 : 30 , 11 : 00 , 12 : 00 . When I drove in out front , I would see lights . I would go by and just knock on the door and check and say , " I 'm just coming in from a basketball trip and I saw the lights , and I Runge : I was going to ask her , you mentioned moving your family into Taylor Hall and raising a family . At that time was Taylor all boys , all men ? M . Rolle : Well , it was fine . I mean , I enjoyed it . They used to come by . We also had all the mail for the men students , in Taylor Hall , so they came from the other dorms to get their mail . We were young , we loved it . We lived there five years as head residents . J . Rolle : Well , it was a two - bedroom . They made it two bedrooms . First it was just one bedroom , and when Dr . Eastburn asked us to move in as head residents , they took the room next to it for the two boys . But they weren 't allowed to go into the rooms , and we were strict with them . M . Rolle : Well , Joe was always known as being firm but fair . We lived thirteen years on campus . We went from Taylor Hall to - the College Union was just being built , and it was finished July 1 , 1953 , and we lived there until we built a home out in Coconino and moved there in 1960 . And we also had the bookstore in the Union Building , and one of the dining rooms , and then the auditorium . So we spent a good several years on campus . Runge : You just mentioned Mother Hanley ; and Joe , you mentioned Mother Hanley earlier on , and I just wanted to touch base about Mother Hanley and your working for her . You said you worked three hours a day for her . Mother Hanley played a huge roll , not only for the university , but all the students that came there . I mean , that 's how she got that nickname , Mother Hanley . J . Rolle : Well , you know , I don 't like to compare her with my mother , but she was a second mother to the students . Mother Hanley had an apartment over in the girls ' dorm , and every night she went through the hallway there . In the wee hours of the morning , she opened up the dining hall . She was the closest to a second mother that anyone could ever have . She was a delightful lady . She always was the same , and she treated all students alike . Every once in a while . . . . I had a job in the dining hall that was three hours a day . When I first started , it was five o ' clock in the morning to eight . And then Mother Hanley made me the person on the door that would ask or have all the students show - the students were good about showing their little dining hall ticket . Every once in a while , a student would come by - and I never told Mother Hanley this - a student would come by and he said , " You know , Joe , I haven 't gotten my money from home , but it 's coming . Are you gonna let me eat ? " And I said , " Pass . " She , to me , is the closest thing to my second mother . She could never be my mother , but I loved her as if she was my mother . A number of times you said , " Mother , how are you ? " Every morning when I greeted her at five o ' clock , she was sitting at her little desk , and I would go in and say , " Mother , good morning ! " And then every once in a while when I would go in after playing in a basketball game , she said , " I heard you played a pretty good game last night . " And so I said , " Who told you that ? " She said , " Oh , one of the students . " That was five o ' clock in the morning ! I don 't know how it ever got there , because it was closed after we got through there . Mother Hanley was the type of person that I think we still have a copy of a letter from someone that didn 't have his meal ticket . ( to wife ) I 'll let you tell that story . J . Rolle : I 'll let you tell that one , yeah . But anyway , we had a student that didn 't have his money , and we gave him a little note that said , " We will personally stand good for this man 's meals until his money comes from home . " On several occasions we did that , but by the same token I think the important thing really is that the university never got gypped , because the students came through . They were quality young men and women . The nice thing really is that all of us kind of came from family backgrounds around Arizona , you know . And as a result , some of the people that we played against , like in Tucson , came up here as a basketball player like I did . We got to know each other pretty close . [ unclear ] go back to Marie . M . Rolle : Well , I came from Nebraska . After Joe graduated , he came to . . . . It 's a long story about how I got here . ( chuckles ) But my father 's brother came to Prescott , his son had asthma . And when he came back to Nebraska , all he talked about was Arizona . So my dad said someday he was gonna move to Arizona . In Springerville , up in the White Mountains , the Becker Mercantile Company had everything . So my dad had been in lumber and hardware , so they hired him to come out as the manager of Becker Mercantile hardware and lumber . And the family didn 't move out immediately because he wanted to be sure that he was going to like it . But he loved it , so then I brought my mother out , and my family . Then he came to coach at Round Valley High School . M . Rolle : Well , Springerville is a very small town . Some other gals and I were having a Coke in the drugstore , and next door was the hotel where he was gonna be . So he came up in his little Model A , and they were so excited that Joe Rolle was coming to coach . And I looked at him , and I said , " He doesn 't look so hot to me . " ( laughter ) I don 't know , but I don 't know . But that 's how we met . And then he went into the service . And then I actually moved to St . Johns for a while . M . Rolle : Yes . I was with the Arizona State Social Security and Welfare . Then I moved to - my boss moved to Flagstaff and requested my transfer . So then I moved to Flagstaff . M . Rolle : No , we were married one month . He was put on the alert to go overseas . Oh , I had his engagement ring by that time . And so he called and said , " I 'm on the alert , and I 'm going overseas . Let 's get married ! " So I went down to Texas and we got married the day after Christmas . J . Rolle : I have to enter just a minute . I kept telling her , " We 're alert for ALPAC [ phonetic ] . We have thousands of pounds , and we have like fifteen different vehicles that we had to have all ready to go . " I kept saying to her , " You need to get your buns down here if we 're going to get married . " Finally she came on Christmas Day . We had dinner , and the next day . . . . J . Rolle : The next day we went down to the Catholic church and married . But you know , she was draggin ' her feet , and it bothered me a little bit . And I just thought , " You know , look , if we 're gonna get married we need to get this over with ! " Actually , everything that we owned . . . . We had 353 men in our company , we were heavy automotive maintenance . We took care of all the maintenance of 10 - ton , 5 - ton , whatever we had . And we had all the equipment to repair all of those shots , you know , if they were down . We could put ' em back in top shape . But I was gettin ' a little worried about it , and I just thought maybe she was givin ' me the run - around or somethin ' , you know . I just thought I needed to get this clarified . So anyway , I think the important thing really is that she came down . M . Rolle : Well , I told him that I needed to give two weeks notice . And he said , " I may not be here in two weeks . " So I still gave my two weeks notice . M . Rolle : Well , I just felt I owed them two weeks notice . And I still got down there . Then a month later , January 26th , he was on his way overseas . J . Rolle : Four years in the South Pacific . And all of it was down there where we were furnishing Jeeps , 2 - ton vehicles , and everything else . And we had to keep all those in shape . They 'd break ' em up and bring ' em in to us , and then we would put them back in order . And we did that through Ino - we - tok , Quadulant , Guam , and all those places . M . Rolle : Yeah . He insisted that I go back and live with my parents . They had moved to Phoenix in the meantime , so I lived in Phoenix while he was gone . And I worked . M . Rolle : We had what was called the Wives Club . It was servicemen 's wives . And once a week the wives got together somewhere and did something . But I went to work . Then he finally got back , and we lived in Phoenix . That 's when Dr . Bellwood came down and hired him for up here . J . Rolle : I just had a message in the last four or five days where one of the lieutenants that I spent the four years with . . . . I wrote back a note when they told me about him , and I just said he was one of the finest officers I ever served with . And I think the nice thing about it is that 's important , to have good officers , and a closeness that is so important . Well , four years of that is not a short period of time , and you got to be - you treat ' em like your brothers . Runge : Joe , I wanted to ask , when you were at school , Thomas Tormey was the president of the college at that time , and then Tom Bellwood became president . Bellwood was there as an administrator and a teacher when Tormey was there . Did you have any contact with him as a student ? J . Rolle : Oh yeah , Tom Bellwood was like a second dad . Tom Bellwood was very sick during the latter part . A total of three of us went down to visit him because he was home in bed . No , I 'm sorry , he was not in bed at home , he was at the hospital , and we went down and saw some time . I was talking to Tom , and when we got ready to leave , before that I went over and got down at the side of Tom and I said , " You know , you have been a real friend , and not only a good friend but you helped so many young people . I just want you to know that all of us appreciate that . " Needless to say . . . . M . Rolle : Incidentally , we came the same day Dr . Eastburn came . Dr . Eastburn was in Phoenix , and he came as president on July 1 , 1947 . And Joe started the same day as he did . J . Rolle : All the presidents that we 've served under have been good to us - even the present president . He and his wife are very good to us . We appreciate that greatly , and we have told him that many times over those years , because they were nice to us . You have to recognize that and let them know , too - that 's the important thing - that they 're our friends , they 're our teachers . In fact , while I 'm on that , I 'm gonna tell a story . There was a fellow named Ernie Muñoz who was valedictorian for four years . I happened to know when I went to get my student teacher assignment as a teacher of the fourth grade , Ernie Muñoz , the teacher had given him a " 5 . " And I said , " My God , I 'll make a ' 15 . ' " I felt awful bad , because I didn 't know how somebody as bright as he was , would be given a " 5 " in student teaching . Later , when I got to know Dr . Irish , who was my [ supervising teacher when I was a ] student teacher on the fourth grade , and I liked her very much , and she was good , and she had given me a " 1 " . . . . Anyway , I had the authority to speak to her one time and ask , " How could this man get a ' 5 ' and be the valedictorian ? " And she said to me , " Joe , that man , I had to do my duty . And that man should never be in education . " And I said , " You don 't need to tell me any more . I don 't need to know any more . I just felt that somebody was valedictorian , that he 'd go over there and make ' 1 's . ' " And that 's what she gave me , was a " 1 . " But I think the important thing really is that I couldn 't [ unclear ] . So before I got over there for student teaching , I went over and made a habit of getting over on the playgrounds when they were out . I went over there and I got to know all those students before I ever got in the teaching class - you know , fourth grade . And I think it was the greatest thing I ever did , because I got to know them by name ; I got to know who was their moms and dads and stuff . A lot of them I knew , you know , because . . . . Anyway , it was . . . . I always felt sorry for that fellow : How can he be valedictorian and not make it in teacher ed ? M . Rolle : Let me explain something . Back then , when we first came here , a " 1 " was an " A , " and a " 5 " was failing . Things were reversed a few years later . So when he said he got a " 1 " and Ernie Muñoz got " 5 , " [ unclear ] . J . Rolle : I really don 't know . But someone had said that he had got a job in education , but I don 't remember where it was , or who it was that told me that now . But that 's kind of unbelievable , isn 't it ? I mean , just to have the top man in the class , and . . . . I always felt for him , anyhow . When I went over there , I thought , " Well , hell , I 'll get a ' 5 . ' " J . Rolle : Yeah , I had to have an answer , and that 's why I went to Dr . Irish after a little while . Her recommendation was , " [ He ] should never get into education . " And that was good enough , I guess , for me , because she was a wonderful teacher , and all those people over there in the elementary were wonderful teachers . But , you know . . . . And I just . . . . Runge : I want to jump back up to Flagstaff . You both arrived here on July 1 , 1947 , with the Eastburns . What 's campus like ? It 's almost six years later , since you 've graduated . Has campus changed at all , the physical development of campus ? Had any new buildings been built ? Were there more students . This is just after World War II , the G . I . Bill , men are coming back to school and capitalizing on their G . I . Bill benefits . What happened to the enrollment here , and how did the physical campus handle the influx of students ? J . Rolle : Well , it didn 't go up as fast as ASU or Tucson , you know . But by the same token , they went up very fast . I think we had some of the finest elementary teachers that you could find anyplace in the country . They were good , they were firm , but they were . . . . See , that first building over there on the campus , that was the Education Building . In the fourth grade , I had one of the classrooms upstairs . I told you about the teacher and the grade with the " 5 " for the valedictorian . That was a sad day . J . Rolle : He told me he wanted to hire me , and I told him that . . . . I think I 'm repeating here . We had the two boys , and my salary was $ 500 and he had to meet it . J . Rolle : Five thousand . And he didn 't meet that . But anyway , I stayed with what he gave me , and here I am . M . Rolle : I don 't think that long . I took over as bookstore manager when he was dean of men . Well , in fact , when we moved into the Union Building , and the bookstore was in the Union Building . So Dr . Eastburn hired me to be manager of the bookstore . M . Rolle : Yeah . Then he was dean of students . Those are the three jobs . Well , he had an accounting major , and taught accounting . But I worked for seven years as manager of the bookstore . And in the meantime , ten years after our second son , we had a daughter . She lived on the campus . I think we were there three more years in the Union Building . But what I wanted to say about the changes , from the time we came here , each president improved the university . And I tell the alumni now , when they come back , that their degrees are much better than when they got them , because I think each president has improved the university . And I think Dr . Haeger is doing a great job in improving not just academically - everything . J . Rolle : Dr . Haeger is a good president , and he is a very hard worker . He is enjoyable to work with , to visit , and be around . I have said to Marie many times that when I see them , I thank both of them , because they have been , as I mentioned before , very good to both of us . And you know , we sit in his box for sports . He doesn 't have to do that , because we have seats , and they 're on the fifth row , on the 50 - yard line . Anyway , he 's a good man , and I think they have the right president now , and I think that he is doing a good job , and he is a very hard worker . And his wife is also a very intelligent person who meets the students very , very well . ( to wife ) Is that about true ? M . Rolle : Oh yeah . One thing I wanted to mention , after the bookstore and I resigned , we built a home out in Coconino . Dr . McDonald called me and asked if I would help him out in career placement for three months . So I agreed to do that . Well , the three months turned into nearly twenty years more . ( chuckles ) Runge : We 're down to the last five minutes on this tape , and I thought I 'd ask Marie one quick question . It 's kind of dawning on me that you were a pretty busy person . While you guys were here , you were a mom , a wife , the manager of the bookstore . How did you handle all of that , or manage all of that ? Raising kids and . . . . M . Rolle : Two honors : the Associate Women Students , once a year they had what they called Women 's Day . They chose the outstanding woman student , and the outstanding faculty or staff member . And I was chosen one year as the outstanding staff . And the other one was the Annual - both of them were big surprises - when they dedicated the Annual to me . M . Rolle : ( laughs ) Ah , yes . That was in St . Johns . I mentioned that I moved to St . Johns from Springerville with the Social Security and Welfare . Well , there wasn 't a great deal to do in St . Johns , and three women lived together , and one started flying , so she talked the other two into it . So the first one up in the morning got the best flying time , so she had to go back and cook breakfast for the other two . And then they had a Civil Air Patrol unit . And so we joined that . That 's what we did in the evening . J . Rolle : Marie is being a little bit backward . I 'm going to tell you about her . She graduated from St . Bonaventure High School in Nebraska . All the time she was there , she was the valedictorian , she was the queen of everything , and she did this and that . Marie was a very popular young lady . When I met her the first time , she gave me the brush - off . I went to the bookstore where she was working , and I think the important thing is that . . . . So I asked her for a date and got turned down . A little while later I asked for another date , and finally had a date with her . But I want to let you know that this woman is twice as bright as I am , and she 's much smarter than I am . She has a good head . And I think when you raise a family , she 's the one that always is the person that takes care of if there 's a problem or something . She does it because she doesn 't get . . . . Like me , I might be a little bit mean about it . Not her . I 've never seen that in her . And so how grateful I am . ( to wife ) How many years ? Sixty - seven ? Runge : We 're with the Rolles , Joe and Marie . This is Tape 2 . Today is Monday , February 22 , [ 2010 ] . When we left off , Joe was talking about how fortunate he is to have Marie in his life . So maybe we can ask Marie a couple of questions at this point . Let me just get to those . One of the things I wanted to ask was when you guys were on campus , you were working here , you were a mom , but there were a lot of other faculty wives that were on campus . Was there a faculty wives organization ? M . Rolle : One year , yeah . Of course we didn 't have near as many faculty at that time . In fact , we met in the homes , once a month . I still have our faculty wives brochure , where all the names were put in . It was an active organization , and we did end up , I believe , giving a scholarship , faculty wives . But it was strictly a social organization . Runge : How many members were there approximately ? Was it a pretty small , tight - knit group ? I imagine it just kind of grew over time as the university . . . . M . Rolle : They discontinued it . And then they merged with the faculty . How was that ? Yeah , because at first it was just the wives of faculty . And then they merged with the faculty women . They haven 't been active for several years now . As we 're getting older , I 'm trying to go through files and find things that we can shred . J . Rolle : We were going through papers and I was putting them through the shredder , and several of them she wanted to keep . I think it was very interesting , some of them . Do you remember any of those ? M . Rolle : You know , I was wondering , we have lots of files on NAU , the alumni , the past presidents group , and lots of things that concern the university . Some of them are pretty old . And I also have a couple of files , I think - I gave some of them away - but on University Heights and when this area was developed . I 'll remember that and see if you want anything before I shred it . Runge : Marie , you mentioned that each president kind of left their mark here on the campus , and kind of built the campus up a little bit more for the next president . I was wondering , we 've talked a little bit about Tom Bellwood . We mentioned Thomas Tormey . What about Lacey Eastburn . What was it like ? You guys both arrived on campus at the same time , so you had this connection already with the Eastburns , but what was it like working with the Eastburns and knowing them ? M . Rolle : Lacey Eastburn kept this university - wasn 't a university at the time , it was Arizona State Teachers College . He actually , you know , there was talk about closing it . He actually - there wasn 't a lot of money , and Dr . Eastburn was very conservative . M . Rolle : Very , yeah . In other words , if we had to go down to Phoenix to a meeting , well , the tires on the university cars were not too good . Usually people had a flat tire going or coming , but we didn 't have I - 17 either , and it took us six hours to get to Phoenix . M . Rolle : Yarnell and all that , yeah . Now , there wasn 't a lot of money , and we all , when we had things on campus , the faculty , the executives - what did they call them ? the cabinet - was expected to clean rooms and everything else because they were coming . There were a lot of things going on in the summertime , because they wanted to keep all the dormitories full . We had a lot of summer activity too . But each one improved . Runge : We interviewed Sam Borozon , and he talked a little bit about Lacey Eastburn . I 've seen a couple of pictures of Lacey Eastburn , and he kind of has this real avuncular , like he 's your uncle , or this really gentlemanly appearance in his image , but Sam Borozon said that he had a very steely gaze , and that if he called you into his office you could just feel his gaze come down on you like a hundred pounds of weight . I mean , that 's a student 's perspective , but how was he to work with and to socialize with ? M . Rolle : And until he retired from teaching , I think he came back to homecoming and so forth . Well , there wasn 't the money to do things , and you were expected to , when organizations came , the faculty got in and did the work , because we couldn 't afford to hire it done . But he kept the school open . Runge : Yeah . I just read about that recently , about it was kind of touch and go . There were some decision - makers down in Phoenix that were questioning why there 's a teachers or normal school in Tempe , and one up in Flagstaff , " Why do we need two ? " It was fairly challenging . M . Rolle : Well actually , when we came here , ASU and ASTC were the rivals . I mean , the University of Arizona was the top dog . But I always credited Luke Air Force Base with the growth at ASU because so many people from all over the country during World War II were stationed at Luke Air Force Base , and they liked the weather , and they liked everything about it , and came out and registered at ASU , which at the time was ASU at Tempe . At the time , ASC , Flagstaff . So we were the rivals . And as you know , it was the students from ASU who came up and stole the gold axe from the office , because we were their rivals . But that 's all changed . Runge : Yeah ! ( laughs ) Speaking of Sam , when we interviewed him he spoke so highly of the both of you . You made a huge impression on Sam , and were really kind of surrogate parents for Sam . I know that he really appreciated everything that you guys did for him . One of the stories that he mentioned took place in 1956 . According to Sam , there was a rumor around campus that you guys might be leaving Flagstaff , that you were tempted with another job or another opportunity someplace , and that the students quickly organized themselves and tapped you as homecoming dedicatee . I was just wondering if you guys could elaborate on that , what was happening in 1956 in your lives ? M . Rolle : Well , I always told - Joe was offered several jobs while he was dean of students . And I told him , " You know , there are other schools besides Flagstaff . " And he would go so far in checking out the job , and when it was offered to him he 'd turn it down because he didn 't want to leave Flagstaff and ASC . M . Rolle : It was a great place to raise a family . They had the best of - we always knew where they were , knew their friends , and they had the university for the social things and art and music . And our schools turned out some very fine people - I mean our public schools . And we didn 't feel that any other place was as good , I guess . But I could never get Joe to even consider moving . I would have moved . M . Rolle : I thought that was a four - year now . It started out as a two - year . Anyhow , we did go down and check that out . When we got back and they sent him a telegram that he 'd been hired , he turned it down . And there were different things : one in California . I 've even forgotten . . . . But different times he would be invited to apply . M . Rolle : Uh - huh . No . Dr . Walkup came the year after we came . And of course he came as College of Education , and he worked under Dr . Eastburn . And then when Dr . Eastburn died , Dr . Walkup was appointed . No , they weren 't aware of it . Joe spent four summers back at Columbia University , and has a degree from Columbia . Runge : So you mentioned Larry Walkup . Larry Walkup is probably one of . . . . Well , he was the longest - tenured president at Northern Arizona University , and the second - longest - tenured of any college or university in America . Runge : What was it like . . . . Lacey Eastburn actually passed away while he was still president , and Larry Walkup took over . One of the things I read about Larry Walkup was that when he first came to Flagstaff , he was impressed with the people , the faculty - the people that worked at Arizona State College - and also the curriculum , but he wasn 't that impressed with the campus itself . Runge : And probably one of the legacies of Larry Walkup was the physical development of the campus . It went from basically what we now know as North Campus , to Central and then all the way down into South Campus . I was wondering if I could ask you guys a couple questions about that . He immediately starts building - or , well , I guess Lacey Eastburn had started or got the money for what 's now the Eastburn Educational Building . But Larry sees the construction through that . And I was wondering what it was like working with Dr . Walkup as he 's developing the campus so rapidly . I mean , these were pretty . . . Even though it was twenty - two years , that 's an enormous amount of change in a relatively short period of time . I was wondering what it was like working with Dr . Walkup during this pivotal time in the university 's development . J . Rolle : Over by the old stadium , you 're going to see one of the most beautiful buildings in the state of Arizona , when that is built over there . So we 're going to have a real modern building . You know , we have one down here on the south entrance . That 's a very special building down there . We don 't have to be the low man on the totem pole . I hope you 're still around , both of you , when that new building down there on the old football field is down there , when that is up . The students , the community , and the state will be very , very happy to see such a nice building going up on the campus . Because I think too often that with Walkup , I think he got a little tight at times , and he 'd be out there walking about where to put a building . You know , on some of the buildings the board of regents said to him , " Walkup , how you gonna pay for all these things ? " And he would say , " The bookstore , the mail room , the food service . . . . " J . Rolle : " Coke machines , and then the laundry machines in the dorms . " And he had enough cash there to go for the Sky Dome . And they said , " How you gonna pay for this ? " And he said , " Well . . . " He mentioned all these things . Then the regents had to go look at those accounts and see what they had . Well , we had built up a lot of that , Marie and I , with the bookstore , mail room , and all these places had been responsible for a lot of that money , you know . But he was very proud of saying , " We have it . " But you know , Walkup used to go out there in the mornings on the weekend and he would walk some of those areas about where he 'd want to put a building up , you see . Runge : Even when the buildings were being constructed , I know that he kind of exercised a little bit , he 'd walk around the campus . But when he 'd walk around the campus , he 'd start asking questions of the contractors and the subcontractors , like , " Why are you doing this ? " always with the eye to improve the development or the construction of the next building or buildings that he was about to embark upon . Kind of an amazing guy , because from what I understand he was very hands - on in all aspects of the college and university from hiring - he was the last piece of the interviewing process , I think , for a very long time - but actually going out and talking with the contractors and the subcontractors of this building . And I just wondered , how did he run the university ? There were only twenty - four hours in a day , and it seems like he was a pretty busy man . J . Rolle : Well , he did put up the most buildings of a president , and I think that he deserves credit for that . But he also just walked to talk about the potential of a building going there . And he was pretty good about that , in the layout of the ground and stuff . And you can see that he 's the president that put up the most buildings on campus , and as a result , I think he 's put up some pretty good buildings . But I 'm telling you that when that building is done over there . . . . Runge : Yeah . Let me see , what else ? You mentioned when Dr . Walkup would speak with the legislators and ABOR , that he convinced them he had enough money on campus , but it required a bit of diplomacy to build these buildings . It must have felt that he was constantly going down and asking to build another building with each passing year , because it 's a pretty consistent pattern : there were , I think , over thirty buildings constructed during his tenure , and he was only here for twenty - two years , so that 's more than a building a year . And how did that work , did you go down with him to talk with ABOR ? J . Rolle : The important thing really is to separate the two . There was such a thing as local funds versus the state funds . And everything that came out of the state came through the legislature down there . Well , the local funds , one time when he was asked how he 's gonna build that dome , they asked him exactly , " Lawrence , how do you intend to build this building ? " he said , " Mailroom , housing , food service , dormitories and all that . " His local funds were probably greater than any of the three universities ' . That local fund means that its dormitories are not state funds . And he had a great sum . When he told them he was gonna get local funds , and then he gave them the amounts and stuff , then they were convinced , you see . He wanted to be called " the builder . " That was one of his desires , that he would be called the builder of the campus buildings . And I think he would have loved to have had that name . And I think it could be said that 's true . But those local funds , I 'll tell you , because Marie and I were some of the people that helped make some of those local funds , you know . The legislature was just stymied when he said he had the local funds to build the dome . And they let him proceed then . But until then , they wanted to know where that money was coming from , because they probably didn 't have to put it up , you know . Anyway , he was a sharp dealer . He got his dollar 's worth every time he added a building . He got the full dollar . And that 's the important thing , that you do it , because I think some of the construction that went on during some periods of that time , they cut back as much as they could to get the building [ costs ] down , and [ the building itself ] up and up and gone , you know . But I think that they got their dollar 's worth , and still do . When this thing goes up , remember what Joe told you . J . Rolle : Yup , and the other one 's gonna be two of the finest buildings on the campus . I think we need some of those . It 's not because we 're the poor guys up here or somethin ' - we 're not that . We should have the same thing as the other two universities - nice - looking buildings . If you go on the Tempe and Tucson campus , it 's kind of a pleasure to see the very , very nice buildings . Why should we be any different ? Runge : I agree . It 's a special place . I want to shift gears from the physical campus to some of the social and cultural things that happened during your time at NAU . The 1960s were kind of a pivotal time in America . There were a lot of changes , starting off with the election and then eventual assassination of John F . Kennedy , all the way through to the Vietnam War . I was wondering how those national and international events kind of affected campus , or manifested themselves on campus . Was there very much protesting going on during Vietnam ? No ? M . Rolle : There was some protesting , let 's see , just the one summer , I think it was , during the summer . But on the whole , our students didn 't protest , but there was one night I remember that the students protested . Of course in food and stuff , there was always - not always , but oftentimes they complained about the food . When they did , we would go , unannounced , for dinner or lunch and so forth , to check , because that was one of the areas that came under [ Joe ] . He 'd get the students who were complaining , and the manager of the food service , and we 'd go unannounced , purposely . J . Rolle : I always met the students that came and complained , and I said , " Okay , I want you to join me personally , and we 'll go over and we 'll have the head person , and each of you tell him exactly what it is you don 't like . " And we would spend sometimes a couple of hours . They would at least have their chance to do that , you see . And then every once in a while I would say to Marie , " Let 's go have a meal over there , " because I wanted to follow up a little bit , so that if they came back , then I would have some kind of an answer as to what the meal was like on at least that one occasion , you see . But we didn 't go very often . I think it was taking the students there , and talking directly with him and telling him exactly what the problems were - that was necessary , I think . And I think the kids did a nice job . They weren 't ugly , they did a nice job , just like Lumberjacks . They did a good job in what they had to say . It was probably good for the food service , you see . But I think that generally speaking , starting with Mother Hanley , that the food service has always been . . . I don 't want to use the word passable , but I want to say it 's above that . Mother Hanley delighted in paying the cooks much higher salaries than they could get any place in town at any restaurant . And that was one of her real strong points , because if she had that authority to say , " This is not the kind of money that we want to pay for them . We want to pay a salary that will keep ' em here for a while . " I think the food service was good . M . Rolle : We had the finest music department in the state . We had the finest education department in the state . And we put out the best teachers . When I was in career placement and we had all the businesses coming in , and our college of business , I compared our students with any , anywhere in the state . Runge : We talked a little bit about some social unrest in America , and how that maybe manifested itself on campus , but now I want to talk a little bit about , or ask you , Joe , you 're a real people person , and I can tell you were both very fond of the students . Ultimately , you were part of the administration of the university and the college . I just want to talk about that fine line that you guys probably had to walk , caring for the students , but also knowing at the same time that you were carrying out the mission of the university . That must have been difficult at times , especially as the university began to grow . It went from a college , about 1 , 000 students , to what we 're now at , 16 , 000 , but I 'm sure it was closer to 10 , 000 or 11 , 000 during the tail end of Dr . Walkup 's tenure as president . I was wondering how you guys managed to balance the demands of administration with the needs of the students . J . Rolle : I think that basically we were very fortunate , because I think so many people that chose this university over the other two , simply because they thought it 's gonna be a little smaller and be better , the teachers will have the real love for them , help them get their degrees , and this and that . I think that the students that came , I think were not from wealthy families . There were some , you know . What I guess I 'm trying to say is that many of them , I think , it takes a little doing when your dad might be working in the mines , and then the food costs and everything else . I never believed that I would have a doctorate from Columbia University . I never believed that I 'd have a doctorate from NAU . Never in my life did I ever think that I would have those two degrees . And I think the important thing really is that I think that this is why I think some students come here , because if they 're coming from a mining camp - and we have lots of ' em here in Arizona - that to come up with the fees is not easy . But they feel like they can come here , and they can work to help Mom and Dad with the fund that they 're puttin ' through . And not only help Mom and Dad , but help themselves in trying to help pay for some of the bills . Because education is not cheap . Well , you know , I went back to Columbia University , New York , and got a doctor 's degree . I 'll show you that . J . Rolle : She 'll be interested in knowing that my roommate at Columbia University was Francis Gavern [ phonetic ] , another wonderful fellow , good ol ' Irishman . Francis and I roomed at Columbia . Wonderful person . Unfortunately , he 's gone . But I think that I never dreamed I 'd have those degrees . M . Rolle : In regard to the question you asked , as a dean 's wife , I tried never to interfere . I mean , a lot of things I had to keep inside because you just didn 't really express yourself . And I think Lucy found this too , because we 've kind of laughed since that time , while she was the president 's wife I know that she didn 't always agree with a lot of things . There were things I didn 't necessarily agree with , but I couldn 't say anything . J . Rolle : When I was at Columbia , I sent a research paper or something that had to be done , to her . And it always came back typed perfect , and this and that . She should have half the degree , and I admit that , and I admit it very readily because she made it just a little bit easier . But a whole lot easier as far as I was concerned . When you get to a place like Columbia , they 're pretty fussy about . . . . And yet , I found - Minnie Roseberry taught a class here in adolescent psychology . I sat in a couple of times , but the head gal that has been at Columbia University for a long time . . . . J . Rolle : . . . said that my teacher here was as good or better than that at Columbia . So you know , you see you can do a lot of comparing . The nice thing about it is Francis and I roomed together , and all we had to do is go down maybe 200 steps , and every morning we 'd go to the Catholic church for communion . Then when we used to go down to . . . . J . Rolle : No . We 'd go to Patty 's Clam House , we liked that , boy that was a good place , down in the middle of New York . Now , that was a good place to go ! But the place I want to talk about is in Columbia University , it 's 121st Street . And the place down below is supposedly the bad people . When we used to go down there , they used to always just say , " When are the Arizona boys coming ? " When we 'd get there , they 'd say , " Well , we wondered when you were coming . " And they were very nice . And we would go into the same market all the time . I don 't know , it just . . . . I just feel so privileged that the things that Flagstaff , for me , was from Day One , all I could ever expect , what they did for me . And you know , I 'm thankful . And I think you know that a lot of times there are times , I 'm sure , that faculty get a little bit put out , and maybe get a little sharp . But by the same token , I never had that experience . And I didn 't have it at Columbia , and I didn 't have it at . . . . See , Ruth Strang is probably the most outstanding woman in counseling and guidance , and she was my professor all the time . The lady had an apartment down at 69th Street in New York , and Columbia is on 121st . And she would walk every day , to Columbia - from her home to Columbia University - from Columbia University back to her apartment . And she was about sixty - some years old when this all occurred . How can you be that fortunate , to have those kind of people in your life ? It sounds like I 'm trying to be a little bit smart . I 'm not trying to be smart at all . I 'm just trying to say how lucky can you really be , to be able to work with some of those people who have your interests , who have your love and everything else . I 'm thankful . You can 't be anything but thankful , when all the good things happen for you . And if you are , then you 're not appreciative of your friends , all of them . So I don 't know , but . . . . I don 't know if we just discouraged you , or . . . . J . Rolle : I get up every morning . . . . Marie will tell you - when she gets to her side of the bed , I go over and thank her and hope she has a good night . Then the next morning I get up , give her a kiss , and ask her if she had a good night . And sometimes she doesn 't . But most of the times , it 's pretty good . And so [ unclear ] I guess my Catholic religion , and my love of family , both our families , that we have each other , you know . You know , that 's a lot of years , sixty - seven years , and I love her just as much as I did the first day when I asked her for a date and she said no . Anyway , I don 't know . I thank the good Lord , and I thank her because she has been my person that has steered me . When I have been wrong , she has told me . And I have never found a time when she has said something like that , that I didn 't deserve it , or it shouldn 't have happened . So that lady . . . . J . Rolle : I want both of us to live as long as we can . You know , I 'm gettin ' up into age . Soon I 'll be ninety - three - I 'm ninety - two now . I 've had open - heart surgery , I 've had some surgeries and stuff . You can 't get any more thankful than that . Yes , you can be , but it 's somethin ' . As soon as we get through , I want to take you upstairs for a couple of minutes because we have stuff there that I think you would be interested in , the both of you . And I want to take a few minutes there , just with you , so whenever you say it 's . . . . Runge : Okay . Just a couple more questions . You guys worked and lived on the university for about forty years , and you 've been affiliated with the university for over sixty years . What are some of your fondest memories of the university over that span of time ? M . Rolle : Well , they 're all fond memories . I don 't know of any time that we 've been unhappy here . Everything just worked out . Of course I 'm a great believer in attitude . You can be happy , or you can be miserable . And with the right attitude , why not be happy ? M . Rolle : Yeah . Then you have to turn around and find out how to get out . Having lived there for thirteen years , there 's so many one - way streets , and everything is so changed . But it 's all an improvement . Runge : The oral history interviews ? What we do with them , we put them on the Colorado Plateau Digital Archives , which is affiliated with the library , and people will be able to view the interview , and use it for research . If anyone 's doing research on you guys , or just kind of curious about the university or the development of the university , they could search through the transcript or listen to the interview and learn more about the university . So we 'll make this available to everybody , because it 'll be on the Internet . The digital archives is on the Internet . Runge : Yeah . It 'll be really wonderful . And we 've done some other interviews : We 've done Sam Borozon , and we have a few others in mind too . I just have one more question for you guys . What do you feel the Rolle legacy is at NAU ? M . Rolle : Well , I really don 't know what sort of a legacy we leave . I just know we have no negative thoughts about it , and we worked hard , and there was no such thing as a forty - hour work week . You worked ' til you got your job done . It was never just forty hours . Of course when we lived on campus , it was seven days , twenty - four hours . J . Rolle : Well , the thing about it is we lived on campus so long that any problem always came to us first . Then it was our duty to fix something , do something , just whatever needed to be done . Maybe no lights for a long time , and we would have to find out . But I think that we always tried to take care of any problem that was on the campus . I told Walkup when he was thinking about moving on the campus that he was not going to like it , " Because they 'll go to you instead of me . I 'd like that , but . . . . " He said , " I 'll send them to you , " because any problem had to come to us . That didn 't have to , but it did , because they knew that we would take it up and do what we had to do to try to fix something , or " How much longer is it going to be for these lights to be out ? How much longer is the gas going to be off , and it 's cold in winter . " I think we enjoyed doing what we did , as we look back and see what we did and what we didn 't do . But there 's not too much we didn 't do . I think there were times that [ unclear ] that take a [ unclear ] and a necktie and white shirt , and she would take it to the office because she told the young man before that he was going to be interviewing for a job , and that he had to have a necktie and a suit - she told him . So we had that on many occasions . It was just a delightful thing to do , because the kid had to make the impression , you know . And it worked out for us . And our students were not very . . . . They would do that , or somebody would tell them that they [ hurt ? ] , maybe that I might let one of ' em use one of my suits and necktie and stuff , and make an impression and stuff . But it was those kind of things that I think it was just part of the job . It wasn 't something that we were asked to do , it was just something that we felt in our hearts that we wanted to help every student that we could . I couldn 't be any happier than if I had gone to Columbia , ASU , U . of A . , community college or something . I got the help right here , and never could I be negative about how we both feel about thM . Rolle : No regrets . J . Rolle : We 're thankful . So , you know , it 's awful nice of you people to do this , because you get a better feeling of why we were here so long . And you know , I guess we could have moved to Phoenix or Tucson or someplace , or down to my old hometown of Bisbee - which she wouldn 't go . . . . ( laughter ) I just thank the good Lord , and I thank the university , and I thank that all the people , all of them , that were nice to both of us . And to me , that is a pretty good life . M . Rolle : No , I was thinking when you were talking about Bisbee - you know , we 've had a lot of students from Bisbee , and I learned a long time ago that when he said Bisbee [ unclear ] . ( laughter ) He still does . ( laughter ) J . Rolle : I 've often said sometime . . . . Well , I went down and gave a lecture , and I 'd like to go again , because I think I got a little more melancholy than I used to be , and I 'd like to go down and talk to the students . I think I would have a message for them . M . Rolle : He gave the . . . . When he was out of high school twenty - five years , he gave the graduation address to Bisbee High School . And of course he told them he never thought he 'd be invited ( laughter ) to give the graduation address . J . Rolle : I think the important thing really is that with us yakking - me especially , I guess - I talked more than Marie did . I apologize for that to Marie , and to you . Nice meeting you both . J . Rolle : It 's a nice thing for you to do , and we appreciate the time . And not only the time , but the courtesy from both of you . Maybe we 're better people for yakkin ' . Runge : Well thank you so much . Master file name 131509 . avi Master file creation date 2010 - 02 - 25 Master file size 26788850676 Master mimetype application / x - troff - msvideo Master file format avi Software Adobe Premiere Pro 2 . 0 Master color scheme YUV Master compression No compression . Master pixels horizontal 720 Master pixels vertical 480 Duration 1h 57mn Master audio bit rate 1 536 Kbps Master audio codec 1 ( Microsoft ) Master audio channel numbers 2 Master video bit rate 24 . 4 Mbps Master video frames per second 29 . 970 fps Master video codec dvsd ( Sony ) Comments Post a Comment for Oral history interview with Joe and Marie Rolle , [ with transcript ] , February 22 , 2010 . |
Jonas Victor writes about the presidential election in 1928 when Calvin Coolidge was reelected . You can receive these blogs by email if you sign your email address in the place on the right hand side below " followers " . Roselyn . Thanks for the letter . It is always so nice to get a letter from the place where I was born and have grown up , and hear how you are . I remember when I wrote the last time , I said that it could be the last letter . I can say that my health is better now than it was that time , thanks to God . I have been with my son in Clay Center for 5 months . Now I am with my oldest son , who lives at a farm 4 miles from Randolph . I have a good time with my children wherever I am . Everybody is so kind to me . I pay well for my housing . We are having beautiful weather . It is great , brother Albert , that God has blessed us so we do not have to be thinking of poverty in our old age . We have worked hard , and that has been our duty , but others have worked , but have not succeeded . We have free access to God , who gives us both what we need spiritually and bodily . Now it is another day , so I have forgotten what I had thought to write . I can tell you that we have had a presidential election and that was good . The Republicans won , so we have the same president ( Calvin Coolidge ) . He is an economical man . He was vice president earlier , but when the sitting president died , he was the new president . During that time many national debts have been paid . The taxes have been a little smaller . This is the third time I am writing . The last time I was writing , clouds came in front of the sun , so I could not see . There are many debts in the country which are enormous . No debts to the foreign countries . Instead there are great claims in this country . Here , the rich people have much to claim , also those who are not as rich , and the workers , too got a chance to pay into what was called savings stamps . They could pay 25 and 50 cents , also 1 dollar , 5 , 25 , 50 , 100 , up to 500 . They could put in for 5 years . By then it had grown much . If they wanted to take out the money after 5 years , they could do that . They did not have to do that if they did not want . I have put in 500 . I get 4 1 / 2 % interest , which I get every sixth month sent to my home address . It is good , because there is no tax on this money . We are now in the Christmas week . No church communion has early church service more than Swedes here in America , but every church has a Christmas tree , a spruce dressed up before Christmas Eve . Everybody pays an entrance fee of 10 cents . Many people are there , but not as many now as before , depending on how many parties there are . The reason for the fee is that there is so much to do with decorating the church . Many people come who never visit the church . There is a varied program with choir singing and speech . I think that you have it this way , too . There are not many churches in the countryside . I do not know what I should write about , what is interesting to you . You say that when everything is investigated , you will tell me how things are . Thank you for that . We will see if we live . I think of Sunday School . It is the only occasion when the children get to hear God 's word and learn to know God and Jesus . Everybody is interested in that school . Those who never visit the church , send their children there . There are many classes for children and young people in English . At the church Christmas party , the children take part and everything nice is done for them . It is the same in the English and German churches , but some of the young people go out when the Sunday School is over . I will now finish this letter . While I write this , I have my feet on a warm brick with woollen cloth . My feet are cold and the pain in my legs is worst during the night . With the warm brick during the day , it helps me during the night . I have it much better than many others , who are 10 to 20 years younger than I am . They have to lie many years in bed with pain and get help like children . In the winter I cannot go anywhere . In the summer when it is warm and in the spring and autumn I can be out . I cannot read , but my eyes are good enough that I can write . I do not hear when the clergyman preaches . My body is as lithe as when I was 40 . When you get this letter the Christmas holidays have passed . I hope you have had a glad and happy Christmas . We are a year closer to the end , where we will go . May God help and lead us , so our rest will be pleasing until the resurrection 's morning . In this letter Jonas Victor writes about the movement , etc of his family members . I believe it was in 1926 , that Sweden passed a law that changed land ownership requiring that some people move to another place . I saw the stone outlines of the house Jonas Victor 's wife , Anna Greta , had lived in as a child . They had to move the house to another location . Roselyn I have received two letters from you since I wrote to ask you to answer some of my questions , so you are probably tired of that . Thanks for everything you told me . Do you pay anything for my letters ? The postmaster says that it costs 5 cents . When you write , do not pay the letter . I pay because it is for my sake you send the letters . Did not Gustav get another old field ? It was the worst soil , lying fallow in Hamra . It was waterlogged a great deal , but that was 68 years ago , so it may be otherwise now . I think it is too little for him . I think he should get the meadow below and the fen cultivation , which cannot be good land . I do not think that rye can grow there . Did Gustav get forest ground in the enclosed pasture , which borders on Spakarp ? If Gustav buys Peter 's part , he will get the large courtyard . Is it the yard where Gustav and Algot lived or is it more ? Who will get the field where Gustav and Algot have their cow barns ? Where does Algot get his part of the old field and swamp cultivation ? Does his land border on Solebo cottage ? Gustav and Algot have a third part and an eighth over ( ? ) in Hamra , so they need to get more . It will cost much money to move their houses and pay the surveyor . Does Algot have grown boys who can help him ? Now we have begun a new year . The old is behind us with sorrows , joys and troubles . God has been our help , leader and comfort with everything . We do not know what the new year is bearing in its bosom , but we know that God is the same , loving and merciful as He always has been . He will help us this year , too . Now we have a little snow , but is not more than that the ground is white . No cold and no frost in the ground . It is good weather for an old man , but I like it best if there is no snow on the ground . Here in the eastern part of the state , the harvest of all sorts is good . Thirty miles to the west , the harvest was bad or no harvest at all . The autumn was fine and there was time to get in the harvest before Christmas . On my old farm , which now my children own , there was 7 , 000 bushels of grain in spite of the fact that on 10 acres they had wheat and oats . When they have now done with the work with the harvest , they have " Prayer Week " , and there are gatherings in various places for thanking God for his goodness . He is worth thanks and praises . The weather must be warm and fine for me to be able to be there . I read in your letter that Gustav 's son in Hamra is at home from " Sletten " and now has been out and shot moose . If I understood Selma 's letter , he has been there for two years and has another three years . How old should they be when they are allowed to begin and how many years will they stay there ? ( Is he talking about a school ? I am not sure ) . It is difficult to see today . It is cloudy and has been that way for a long time . I am old so something is wrong with my seeing . Now I will finish for this time . May God help us so we will be happily saved . The person who will believe in God to the end will find salvation . Jonas Victor talks of problems of smaller churches - - says " preacher must speak English " for younger ones . In Sweden there was a law passed that changed the farms , so some had to move from their homes . He asks about it in Hamra . Roselyn The small churches have difficulty paying the preacher because the salary is high . The preacher must speak English , or the young people will go to the American churches . There are several churches that cannot pay a preacher . The small churches are closing . The big towns have large mission churches . There are big revivals in this country . The largest churches are all unanimous against anything new . They have been gathering together for several days . It seems that they do not believe more than what they can see and what the brain can understand . It is good to know that God has the power to do what is best . My thoughts are with you , and I wonder how you are feeling . Dear brother , if you are well and can , write to me . I want to know how everything is , if Fia ( his sister Sofia ) in Aggebo still is alive and how it is in Hamra . There should be a lawful partition in Hamra . If it has been done , let me know the results . Perhaps some had to move away . It is nice to hear about the place where I used to live . It is good for us that we may have our hope and trust in God . When I go around , my old friends are gone , and I ask myself why I am here so long . I want to be beside my wife , but at the same time , I want to be satisfied with God 's leadership and care . The day is coming soon , when I will do my last moving . I am doing well . Everybody is kind to me and do the best they can for my well being . God is good . Until now the Lord has helped us sinners . He forgives . I thought I would write a letter to you . I have time . I am now at home . I went from here June 15 to Clay Center . I stayed there until August 23 . In June and July , it was hot , and I felt that I had difficulties to keep going on as before . I felt that my health had become worse during the last year . On my farm , the renter 's farmhand and a boy , who is 15 years old , do the work . They get 6 cents a bushel . They earn 5 dollars a day each or more . The farmhands earn generally 40 dollars a month . When it is time for barley picking , they say that they want to be paid per bushel . When they can earn 5 dollars a day , it will be different . Next Saturday , the Mission Church will go to my farm to pick the barley . Both girls and boys and whole families are coming with horses and carriages . They bring their food and have a nice time . They can pick barley , and the church gets the money they earn . I stopped the paper . I did not know if you liked that . There are many papers in Sweden now , which you perhaps have . If you want the paper , let me know . You should not worry about the costs . It is not very much . Tell me if you want the paper , and I will send that . I have been at home quite a lot . During the winter , it is too cold . I went to church on Easter Day . We always go by automobile and are quickly there . It is difficult for me to hear everything and my eyes are weak , but I am glad that it is as good as it is . It could be worse . Here there are many who are blind when they are old . There is a woman not far from here who is not as old as I am , and she is blind . She says that the time goes so slowly . It has been a few days since I wrote the previous to you . I have to finish . I am incompetent to write . You can see that , when you read the letter . How is it in Hamra and with the wood 's business ? I will pay for the letter . You do not need to put on some post money . I thought I would try to write a letter to you to let you know how it is here . I have , thanks to God , fairly good health , so I am up every day and do not need to lie in bed with pain , as many have to do . I am with my son Alfred . I have my home there . I will be going to stay with my son in Clay Center and stay there for two months this summer . It is nicer in that town the warm time of the year . I will also see old friends . I have a good time wherever I am . Now it is beautiful here . The trees are blooming in different colors and the weather is fine . The weather has changed . It was raining for the whole night but now it lasts no more than half an hour . Alfred has much work to do . He is working until nine ' clock in the evening . His wife has much work with her hens and taking care of the eggs . She lays hens at least twice a week . The baby chicks that hatch from three hens are given to one hen . That hen now has about 30 baby chicks to take care of . Alfred 's wife has many hens now , that are out with the chickens . The hens produce many eggs , sometimes up to 18 dozen eggs a day . Not much wheat is grown in Kansas this year , but around here it seems to be good . It is not used so much here . They grow more barley . The farmers have to work hard . It is difficult to get a farm hand . They want to earn forty dollars a month . The young people are in school until they are 25 years or more . Then they go to the bigger towns , and those who are talented and are reliable can earn a lot of money . Some become very bad people . It is very different these days . My children are spreading wide around . The nearest son , who lives in Clay Center is 30 miles away . My daughter lives 88 miles to the south . Three sons live in Omaha , 180 miles north of here . Our youngest son , I don 't know for certain , but it is at least 250 miles northwest of here . I cannot speak to them so often , but I get letters from them . When they come it is always by automobile . Jonas Victor writes about Christmas in Randolph . He asks about things back in Hamra , Sweden . There were ( and still are ) lots of wooded areas in this part of Sweden . In the winters of the late 1800 's , the Swenson family cut some of the woods to make charcoal for the trains . There is still a very large basket / sled in the barn at Spakarp that was used to haul charcoal to the train . Roselyn Thanks for your letter which I got the day before New Year 's Eve . I am so happy when I hear from you and the places around . I am glad to hear that you have good health . Now we have begun a new year and we do not know what will happen . You wrote your letter on December 12 . Until that time we had fine weather , but then it began to be cold with snow . We have received more snow , so it is eight or ten inches . It is the most for many years . The snow is not gone away , but it is not as cold . Now all parties are over , which are held during Christmas time . The Sunday after New Year 's Day , prayer week begins . There is a gathering in the churches every evening . They have prayer gathering once a week the whole year - - both Americans and everybody , but no gatherings are as little attended as the prayer gatherings . The war did great damage . If there would have been no war , the times and wood should still have been the same . Now it seems that all countries have to buy grain . We ship out much from America . It has been very expensive here . It is very expensive to get it ready to ship . They need it . The cattle are cheap so they lose money on them . Many people here are poor and especially the renters . Brother , I think that you know that it is so great that we can send letters to each other . The postman says that a letter abroad costs 5 cents . I have put on 6 cents . Let me know if you need to pay for my letters . I want to pay for the ones you send . On the farm near Cleburne , I think that Anton knows Anderson and his son Karl , who have borrowed money from him . They are carpenters and earn much money . They have built houses here and there . When the war was over , the building stopped . The son , Karl Anderson , has moved to Kansas City . In that town several hundreds of people live , and the town does not have too many carpenters . Anderson , who has borrowed money from Anton , works with repairing a roof , so he earns money . When I wrote to you , brother Albert , I said that they could pay because their earnings were so good . You answered that Anton did not know that . Then I thought that Anton had the same idea . I do not know if Smitt has sent something . I thought that he paid and sent it himself to Anton . I feel badly that Anton cannot get his money because he needs it . Workers on farms earn $ 45 - 55 a month . Farm - hands receive this and food and a place to live . All farmers cannot pay a high salary , because they cannot make as much money , when they sell something from their farms . The machines and tools are expensive to buy . The tax is high , because you have to pay tax to the schools . Every district has to keep a school like in Cleburne , about 2 1 / 2 miles apart and pay the teachers and maintain the buildings . Some teachers earn about $ 2 , 000 or more . It works well for the farmers who have sons . They come home three months during the summer , when it is a busy time . Those who have no sons , have to work hard . You must send the children to school . Here in Omaha , a school is ready now after two years ' work . The master builder had a contract of three million dollars . There are 3 , 000 students fourteen to sixteen years old . They go to this school for four years . ( This would be what we call a high school ) . In another part of the town they are building another school in the same way at the same cost . That school will be ready next year . After the children have finished this school , they continue at high school ( college ? ) . The children go to school from six to twenty years and more . Both poor and rich children go . All want to learn as much as possible . I will finish writing for today , because the weather has been so cloudy and misty . As I have not received any letter from you , I wonder if I , in my last letter , wrote something offensive . In that case I want to ask your forgiveness . Have you received the paper ? Dear Brother , if you are well , write to me . I am in good health for my age , thanks to God . Old memories come now and then . This letter does not have the year stated , and 1922 is just a guess . Jonas Victor mentions a terrible storm that struck the area that he calls a hurricane . I have found a record of a bad tornado that struck Omaha , NE on November 4 , 1922 , so this must be the correct date . After the death of his wife , Anna Greta , in June 1922 , Jonas Victor lived part time with his children , mostly in Omaha , Nebraska , and Randolph , Clay Center and Cleburne , Kansas . I wish he had written what work the women in his family did . I do know that my aunt Huldah , daughter of Grandma Matilda Swenson Skonberg , worked in a store the Swenson Brothers had set up near Osage City , Kansas . Roselyn I am still in Omaha , but if I am still alive when you get this letter , I will be with my son Alfred in Randolph , Kansas , a big town like Omaha . ( I never knew Randolph to be nearly that size - Roselyn ) . There is so much to see . Everything moves so quickly . If you are in the shopping center among the big buildings , some are from four to eight stories , there are many automobiles and trucks there . It is nearly impossible to cross the street , and everybody is in a hurry . I think that in forty years it will be another generation . Of those who are now living , not many will be alive . Everything is vanity and perishes under the sun . It I go to a park , there are many flowers and it is very beautiful and nice to see . There are thousands of people there , and they talk to each other and enjoy it . You do not see any discord . In a little town twenty - five miles from here , there was a burial of 118 people , some from Illinois , who were in the same house after the burial , were killed . ( I am not sure what he means here - - Roselyn ) . The rain and the hurricane destroyed the house . Such accidents do not happen in Sweden . I think that you can read in the newspaper what happens in other countries , that never happens to you . Here in Omaha they have built several hundred houses in summer . The people go to the bigger towns , especially the young . If they have knowledge and are clever they earn a lot of money . They have short working hours . In the evening they visit different places of amusement . Even the girls earn much money . My daughter ( Matilda ) , has a daughter who makes $ 175 a month . She works seven and a half hours a day . Saturday afternoon is free . My daughter ( Matilda ) , has a daughter in law who makes $ 175 a month . They have no children and her husband is sick . Many people do not earn that much money . Girls who have grown up on a farm can work for a rich family and earn $ 15 a week . The railway workers say what they want to earn . If they do not get that , they go on strike . When there are hundreds of thousands , and the trains stop , no power can do anything against them . The bigger towns grow quickly . In the smaller towns there is not much work . The carpenters receive $ 1 . 25 - 1 . 50 an hour . In small towns they do not build anything . Jonas Victor continues with his letter saying the boys go to school so they won 't farm , people are spending more than they can afford , etc . He gives advice to his brother Albert , about selling some of the wood in the forest on their land . We do not have the end of this letter . Roselyn The young boys are studying , and then they will not work at the farms . The employees receive big pay , but nobody is satisfied . These are troubled times . The people have lived greatly in everything , so they do not have enough money . There is much anxiety between the countries . We do not know what will happen . You say that the forest affairs are good , so there will be a shortage of wood . They have to plant where they cut down . . . . . from Hamra forest . I understand what is causing this . Brother Albert , I cannot say that you should do as I say . You know better than I do , but if it was I , and the prices were so high , I would sell . There can be a forest fire and burn it up . There can be a crisis so the affairs end , but if the times go ahead as it seems to do , the forest will get a higher price . The price of boards and planks are unusually high here . If I sold the wood , I would be careful until I received the money . Now you do not need to take advice I have given you . I have only said what I would do . I will tell you that I have given Smitt $ 5 for taking care of Mother 's ( his wife 's ) grave . I told him the he should send the money and give something to Anton . I wrote to Anderson that he should try to add something , too , so they could send $ 8 to make it nearly 30 Skr . Smitt said that he would try . He has been not been well this winter and it is hard to get interested . Jonas Victor is saying some things I heard from the " old Swedes " as I was growing up . They regretted that most or all of the sermons at church were now in English instead of the familiar Swedish . The next generation spoke English . Roselyn I am now with my son Alfred , and have it good . I pay for it . They are kind to me . I have it much better than other people my age . Here I can have contact with God in private . My health is good for my age . I walk a mile every day if the weather is fine . I can see and read when it is clear and sunny , but if it is cloudy , I must strain my eyes to see . I can not hear when the clergyman preaches . If I know the lesson , I can understand the contents . Now most is in English and I can not follow that . I feel that I am not as strong as I was a year ago . ( In spite of often feeling he will soon die , Jonas Victor lives on for at least 10 more years ) . I have paid the newspaper , so you will have it until the first of April , 1925 . I have not written anything the last week , because the weather has been cloudy and cold , and I could not see to write . Yesterday I got your letter . Thank you so much . We also have a late and cold spring . First in April we had warm weather , so Alfred sowed oats , and it grew tall so the hens go there to eat every day . The first of May , the cattle were let out so they had pasture then . Before the war I did not know any farmer who had declared bankruptcy ; now there are many . It depends so much on the automobiles . They cost a lot to have , but for them who can afford to have automobiles , it is good . Then the taxes and employers are expensive . This is a difficult letter to read . Jonas Victor is remembering his brother Hans , who had mental illness . I have read of others who had " religious insanity " at that time . The treatment of mental illness in Sweden is similar to that which other countries used in the 1800 's . Roselyn I remember how it was with Hans . He had begun to study the Bible . He was filled with agony and had a troubled mind . Mother and Father mourned him . He was a kindly man . He was merry , not annoying . When he was " feebleminded " ( troubled ) he went around and preached . Many people began to think that he could hurt somebody . We had to put a chain with a lock around his foot and chain him to the bed . On Sundays after dinner , I loosened him so he could go out . When it was evening , I put on the chain again , and he never complained about that . He was so manageable . He had many difficulties . I remember that in Hessleby parish there was a woman with a daughter and a son . He was a lieutenant . They were not rich and had a fine little home . She could cure illness . Hans went there and I went with him . When he was there they gave him medicine , which he spit out . When he refused to take the medicine , the lieutenant took a long whip like a twig and beat Hans three times . It was very painful , so after that Hans would take the medicine . We were there three days , but Hans did not get better . Little by little he got better and then he decided to go to America with different climate and nobody there to take care of him . He had to work . He saw that , and the result was death . ( All of this is told in Letter 21 from his brother who was in Andover , Illinois where Hans committed suicide ) . He should have stayed at home with his parents and worked when he could and they could have taken care of him . Perhaps he could have had a good life . I see that you have much to do with wood and the costs with selling it . You have sold wood before and made money . Perhaps you will have a good harvest . If you have good pastures , you can have animals and get money from them . ( Then he returns to talking about Hans and others who seemed to go insane over religion . ) It was not only Hans who had mental problems at that time . Many people began to study the Bible and were made crazy by it , specially in Stockholm , when Valdenstrom preached . In that time they did not believe in resurrection . ( Irene writes " Then there is much about different persons in the Bible and God 's grace , among other things ) . As you see , I am with my son in Clay Center . I will go home next week . I have been here since January 9 . It is good for my feet here during the wintertime . They make a fire in the cellar , so the floors are warm in all the rooms . When I read your letter , I could not hold back tears . I thought of Hans and Mother 's and Father 's sorrow . I have never thought that Fransen was Oskar 's son , even though you told me that Oskar and Anlovis ( Anna Lovisa ) had a son together . It was difficult to understand why Oskar did not marry her . Both the clergyman and Mother and perhaps her parents had ordered him to marry her . If they had married , perhaps she would not have committed suicide . Their life was unhappy . I can not leave the thought that it was a spirit which controlled him , but when she died everything was pulled up for him . Perhaps he saw the life they had lived together , all the pressures he got . The most difficult thing for him was he perhaps felt guilty because of her death . And perhaps that is why his mind became bothered . I did what I could for my wife , when she was sick . I picked flowers along the roads in the spring and also flowers in the garden , and we talked much . She was happy . I should have been with her the whole time her last week , so sometimes I have gloomy thoughts . I feel that I neglected something . In the next part Jonas Victor tells about the mental problems Hans had and the cruel methods used for treatment of people with mental illness . Roselyn This is the final part of a letter . He misses his wife , and as usual , he wonders about the " bog " and farm back home in Sweden . Roselyn Since Mother ( his wife ) died , I feel so alone and my thoughts are often of her , but I have it better than many others . I have God 's peace in Jesus Christ . When I am at the cemetery , I think of " near and dear " and it is sorrowful for me . When I come to my wife 's grave where I have my great companion , then it is difficult to hold back the tears . It will not be a long time before my body will be buried with her . The reunion will be soon . Here we have a burial plot for every family member and nobody else can be buried there . Like many others , there is a cemented wall around the grave , 8 inches high and 20 inches deep and a gravestone in the middle with the name on . When I go to the cemetery , I find most of my old friends there . I read their names and the year when they were born and also the year when they died . It is cut into stones of granite , and it will not disappear in hundreds of years . It does not feel good to see this , but it must be , so a new generation comes instead . Everything under the sun is perishable . You mentioned 3 crowns . I always thought that you charged too little for your troubles about the inheritance from Gottfrid . Brother Albert , do not forget to write and tell how it is with Algot , Johan Peters ' son , and also about the harvest from the bogs , how much the wood is worth and if you can sell it . Let me know if you have a Sunday School in the neighborhood . May we meet at home with God . That is what I wish , and it is in my prayers . Let me know how old you are and also your wife and children . I am happy that I got a letter from you and happy to write to you . Do not wait so long to send letters . This part goes into some wrongdoing by a family member with money and the result . Then he goes on to ask about the price of wood in Sweden and about his livestock and his gifts of money to his children . Roselyn Algot , Johan Peter 's son , did wrong with much money and that is a sin , and ends with sorrow . If Johan Peter had said no , Karl Johan would have been under a guardian and then nobody would be suffering . It would have been better for Algot . It was bad for Algot . I can tell you that in America , I have never heard of anybody who has stood surety for a person . Those who have debts have to take out a mortgage on their land , horses , cattle and implements . I have never heard that anybody has been without insurance , but if the landowners cannot pay , the owners of the mortgages have to sell by auction , but the people get no pay . There is no insurance on the bill or the debt note . How is it on the cultivated bogs ? Probably you get lots of feed . How much is the inspected wood in Hamra worth ? They must be small trees . It is odd that they can sell them . I think it times are very poor in Europe . We have always been happy that we moved from Hamra . When you write the next time tell me about the bogs and the price of the wood . It would be good for you if the price is high . The price of lumber here is very high . Next week if the price stays the same , my leaseholder will send our cattle to the slaughterhouse to sell . We have 55 cattle ; some are calves . The calves that have been with the cows during the summer are bigger . The price is not very high . These are the last I will sell . I get $ 600 a year for as long as I live . I also have income from another place . I do not need all that , but many people ask for money for the hospital , children 's home , compassion for old people , the home for lung diseases and also money for the churches in Cleburne . When God has blessed us , I do not want to lose the way and not see directions in God 's word . You cannot give money to all . If I get sick and have to be in the hospital , I must pay for that . Email This Thanks very much for the letter . I learned so much . It is nice to get a letter from Sweden , and especially from the place where my parents ' house is and hear how you are . I am with my son , Alfred , and I feel well . It is so quiet in the house . They have no children . They have a foster - daughter , but she is in school . She is a teacher now and seldom at home . How poor it is without children . If I had no children it would be so boring to live . Nearly every week I get one or two letters , and also they visit me sometimes . I write to them . There would not be as many letters if the postman did not come every day to the house both take and leave the mail . My health is good . Thanks to God ! There have been changes for me . On the farm I had much to do . We had about 150 hens , which I cared for . It was more work than I wanted . Now I walk one mile every day if the weather is fine . It keeps my nerves in order . I was 87 years old the first of October last autumn . I paid for the newspaper 2 . 50 this year . I have proof of that . I have written to Oskar about that . They ought to have the newspaper . Let me know if you get it . The workers here do not work more than 8 hours a day . They have a big daily allowance . There were 1 million bushels of potatoes that were not picked up in the northern states . The work for doing it was too expensive . The railway workers have a big daily allowance . ( Wages ) . The result was that freight was expensive for the businessman , who would take the potatoes home and sell . There was a big harvest so the potatoes were cheap . The factories do not have enough workers , so nobody needs to be unemployed . The youth who go to school until they finish college or even longer , do not want to do heavy work . So there are many vagrants . The workers earn lots of money , but they use it to buy automobiles . It is nearly impossible in the country for farmers to get help , so they trade between themselves . When I came to Omaha , I met the clergyman Gullen and his family and Hulda , who was with us for six years . He said that he had visited Miss Larson , your wife 's sister . She is living with one of her daughters in the country . She is sick with an illness that causes her hands to shake a lot . It was not because of her age . They did not say if she had much pain . There is much illness in the world . I have been around in the town and I have seen so many beautiful parks and farms . I have also visited old people 's homes and hospitals . There are so many sick people . I could not stand that , so I had to leave . I prayed to God for good health . I think often of Oscar , ( his brother , Franz Oskar ) if God could save him so he would be obedient . I have gone around a lot , and I think I have it better now than earlier , when my wife lived , because I had so much to do . But I feel more and more that I , most of all , want to be by my wife 's side in the grave . As long as God wishes me to live , I will be thankful . I have reason to be thankful , because I am in good health for my age . I talked to Smitt in Cleburne . He said that he had written to Anton Gustafsson , and he says he will pay his debt . I think that he will do that , and send it to Gustavsson . Andersson could perhaps send a little every time , so it would be paid in one or two years . He is old , but his daily allowance is good . The carpenters in the land don 't have much to do . I think often of you . I know from newspapers , that it is much better in Sweden now than before . Jonas Victor goes to visit his son , Henry , in Omaha . He tells about the large wholesale store that Henry and Charles have there . The brothers owned several retail stores in small towns in Kansas and Nebraska , as well as other properties and businesses . I believe they opened a store in Omaha around 1906 and they soon changed it into a warehouse , providing wares for the many salesmen who came to Omaha , Nebraska . The last listing of it as a business was in 1945 . Roselyn When the reunion at my old home was over , I went to Omaha , Nebraska , and now I am in Henry 's house . The building you see on the letter paper is Henry 's and Charlie 's store . That building is a four storied building , 135 feet long and 65 feet wide . It is built of brick . The labor is expensive and what the farmers have to sell is too cheap . Wheat is now 70 cents a bushel . The taxes are high , but not for paying for the war . It is for schools and roads , but perhaps a little for the war , too . You say that America has demanded money from all countries . That is true , but the government owed in this country what they borrowed during the war , from both rich and those who did not have much money . I had to lend 5 , 000 with 4 1 / 2 percent interest , but that was good because I did not have to pay tax on it . I receive money back every six months . My children and their families do their best for me . I always meet nice and helpful people . I have done that since I came to America . In " bad places " in towns , there can be discord and fights . Here there are no bars . I never see anybody intoxicated , but I know that some smuggle schnapps . The authorities fine ( penalize - they must pay money ) them . Email This My daughter ( Matilda ) and I went from Osage City to my home . When I left that home I did not sell anything . Everything was like it had been before , with furniture , bedclothes and household things of all sorts . We had everything we needed . Among other things , there were 200 canned foods with fruits of all sorts , 10 gallons of wine , which was twenty years old . My wife had made it partly of wild grapes and tame as we had at home . You could not get better wine . We did not use it and we did not now , either . During that time , you were allowed to use it , and my wife served the wine when clergymen or other guests came . This letter is interesting because Jonas Victor tells why he moved from his home after his wife died . He also says he visited his daughter , Matilda , ( my grandmother ) . I never knew he was ever in the house I grew up in . Roselyn I am now in Omaha , Nebraska , and will try to write a " travel letter " . When my wife died , I was without an earthly home . My home did not feel like my home any longer . If any of the children had been living there , it would be have been otherwise . In that case I would have been there most of the time . It is good to know that our right home is with God . I moved to the home of my oldest son , because he lives nearest to the farm and Cleburne . I could care for my wife 's grave as I wanted . Alfred and his wife wanted me to move into their home with them . They have no children , a poor home , though rich . I would feel poor , if I had no children . It is a pleasure to visit my children and grandchildren . Alfred and his wife wanted to have a child , so they have adopted a girl . I was at Alfred 's home til the end of May , when my travel began . I went to my son in Clay Center . He is married to an American woman . They have a child , and did everything they could for me . I stayed there for three weeks . My old friends there were dead , but I found new ones . When you come to a town , you get into contact with people , and that is nicer . Then I went to Osage City , where my only daughter lives . She has nine children who are living , three who have died . All the children are married except for the two youngest boys . ( One of those boys was my father , J . V . Skonberg ) . They live at home and work on the farm . Two of the married ones live close to the farm . ( These two would have been Will Skonberg and Hulda Lindbloom . ) There , as everywhere , they travel by automobile . On Sundays , we went to church . There was always some dinner party or supper after church . The harvest of wheat was bad , as there had been too much rain . I think I shall write a little letter . My eyes are not so good , so I cannot write much . When a letter to you does not cost more than 5 cents , it is good . I am writing this letter because I am thinking of Karl Magnus , Lotta 's husband . Lotta , our sister , is dead . I do not know whether Karl Magnus went to jail after he drove into the gate by the railway with his horse and carriage . Let me know when you write how it was in Hamra after the surveyor had been there . How is Karl Magnus ? Is he alive ? If he is , how is he ? He drank too much . Otherwise he was a good man . He did a good job on the farm . He and Lotta leased the vicarage in Tuna parish and he bought Smedserum , also in Tuna parish . My health is good for someone my age . This is Part 2 of a letter written by Jonas Victor , who is staying with his son Peter Luther Swenson in Clay Center , Kansas . He misses his wife , and also writes about religion in America . Roselyn We think of our family members . Not a day passes without thinking of my wife . She was Christian and was happy , so it was good that she did not suffer more . I think that I soon will be by her . Brother , I think that it is great that we have contact with each other , when we are old . Perhaps you have told me your age and I have forgotten that . It would be nice to know both yours and your wife 's ages . When you write next time , do not forget that . I am waiting to get a letter from you . You wrote that Algot had received some money . What I understand in Selma 's letter , is that he had an eighth part " there up " ( ? ) . Perhaps it was not known , but it was an inheritance from Johan Petter . Now I do not know what to write about the religious situation . I can see people going to church . It is a German church . On the other side of the street there are two big churches as far as it is to your barn . The people pass the house where I am . I do not hear the clergyman preach , as I stay at home . It is nice to see the children when they go to Sunday School , and when they come back they are happy . They have their Sunday School papers and run . In most cases the whole family goes to church . I asked my daughter - in - law how many people in town belong to some church . She said that hardly more than half belong to a church . The others amuse themselves with pleasures or sitting in the park talking . Some of the letters have no date on them . We know Anna Greta died in 1922 , so can date letters after or before that date . Jonas Victor moves around to live with his sons . This letter is Part 1 of a letter from Clay Center , Kansas , where his son , P . L . Swenson , lived . Roselyn Thanks for your letter . It is always nice to hear from you and that you are in good health . It is not surprising that you get tired . You are in your life 's afternoon , but as long as you have something to do with your farm and the cattle , you get exercise and the time passes faster . That is my experience , particularly now that I cannot read a book or a newspaper . I can read handwriting if it is written on white paper with black ink . Here both the young and old feel tired , not only in Kansas but also in Illinois , where the air is heavy and sultry . The people here are tired in spite of no walking . If anybody has to move twice as far as you have to your barn , they use their car . If they plough , harrow , sow or whatever they do in the field , they use two , four or six horses , they do not walk . In spite of that they get tired . Only when they stack up hay and look after the animals , do they walk . In town people have cement on the path to walk on , as I think you have and I have now , when I am with my son for weeks or perhaps months . I walk about an English mile to keep my body moving . It is the best I can do . Here it is unusually warm weather , up to 105 degrees . We have not heard that anybody has died in the hot weather . In Minnesota , in the cities and also in Illinois , people are dying because of the hot weather . The air is lighter here in Kansas , but in other states , it is still better . We live on earth in the valley of tears wherever we are . We hardly can find the same climate here as in Sweden . Thanks for the fine portrait of your son . It was sad to hear what had happened . When he wrote home he was conscious , but he felt that he would die . Perhaps God was in his thought and he asked for forgiveness , as the robber said to Jesus , that he would think of him when he came to his realm . We know what the answer was . This is one of the last translations from Irene and Rune Elofsson . It is from Jonas Victor and is an earlier undated one , but before 1922 . It is interesting , because he tells of the July 4th Celebration - - American Independence Day . Roselyn Today is America 's greatest day during the whole year . We heard thundering shots at four o ' clock in the morning before we had gotten up . There were American flag floats in town and country . Truckers and Knights ( Men 's service club ? ) are provided with flags . On the roofs in the streets and on the gateposts you can see flags . I wish you God 's peace and blessing . We all have good health , but my wife and I are aging and our strengths become weaker . For our age we are still rather well . This is Part 3 of the Christmas letter sent by Jonas Victor to his brother Albert in Spakarp in Sweden . He tells of his move from the home and what he took with him . Roselyn I will tell you a little about my moving . The children asked that I leave everything as it was , and only take the best gold and silver , the best bedclothes and clothes . Furniture and carpets should be left , as were 200 glasses of canned fruit in the cellar . I had to look through everything , and then I found a contract from when we moved from Hamra , which was signed by witnesses , Karl - Johan and Johan Petter . The contract stated that when the first of " the old " died , we would get 300 and when the other died we would get 500 . There was 20 , 400 deposited , 800 for everyone . I had never from that day until now , remembered that . Mother , who had a good memory , did not remember this either . The contract had never been in district court , so we cannot get it by law . They had never told how much money there was when both died . I take it as a God 's leading in everything . If Mother had gotten her right according to the contract , perhaps we would never have gone to America . If we had remembered this and did not get the money , there might have been difficult thoughts , but now everything is good . Now it has taken me two days to write this letter . I cannot write a lot each day , as my eyes are not so good . I finish with many kindly greetings to you all . " Still God is among us who are left , still he has love for us . Hear how mildly he calls everybody , listen oh soul and come . Lovely , lovely it will be at last , when everybody finally meets at the home of the Lord God " . May it so happen ! This is Part 2 of a letter written around Christmas time . Since the death of his wife , Anna Greta , he has lived with his son , Alfred , who lives nearby . Roselyn Perhaps it has been more than ten years since Mama and I visited the Olson Family in Concord . We also visited Clemet Larson . He was married to a sister to Lovisa ( Jonas Victor 's sister ) . She talked about her brother in " Tute " and also about you . I was not well when we were there . I have forgotten the name of the town . I have not heard anything from them , but perhaps Selma Gulleen knows the name , so I can give you the name . I will let you know when I get the paper . I have arranged it so the paper will come another year . As I did not get a letter from you during for a while , I did not know how to send the paper , so I wrote that they should not send the paper any more . After I got your letter , I wrote to them and asked them to send the paper to you for another year . It does not cost very much . The economy here is not as good as it was before the war , particularly for the farmers . The labor is too expensive and sales are not as high . Those who have help from their own family have it good , but those who must employ people have big costs . The taxes are high , depending on the colleges . There is not as much tax for the war . It is on the income that the tax comes and is comes more on the millionaires . I have had income tax but not so much . The people live a good life . The workers travel in their automobiles to their place of work . Farmer , leaseholders and farmhands , everybody who can afford it , does that . But there are many who cannot afford it . The automobile is expensive to buy and maintain . Suddenly , it becomes useless . For those who have money , it is good to have an automobile to go from place to place quickly . I hope you enjoy my blog , Letters to Spakarp . My Swedish ancestors emigrated to America in the mid 1800 's and wrote letters home to Spakarp describing their experiences , some joyful , others sad and even tragic . Rune and Irene Elofsson spent over seven years translating the letters dated 1859 - 1931 . To receive the blogs by email , write your email address in the space provided at the bottom of the column on the right side entitled " Follow by Email " Thank you to the owners of the letters and Spakarp . They are the children of Olaf and Lillian - - - Lars , Gun , Kerstin , and Anneli Johansson and their families . Thank You for saving these letters for history and all the Swenson Family . We all owe a debt of gratitude to the families who lived in Spakarp since 1859 for keeping these letters , rather than tossing them out on a day they decided to do a thorough " cleaning up " ! This happens all too often . A big THANK YOU to Rune and Irene Elofsson who have spent years translating these faded letters from old Script Swedish to an understandable English . Now we in America can read these wonderful letters and appreciate the joys and sorrows of our pioneer immigrant ancestors . If you have questions about the translations you may email Irene at : irene1elofsson @ orrhaga . eksjo . comLastly , Thank You to my daughter Susan who encouraged me and got me started with the blog and to my Grandson Matt for helping with the technical details necessary to make it work ! |
I got to my parent 's house on Friday after school / work let out to pick up The Boy and my mail . I had a package waiting on me ! From my Secret Santa . . . . who by the way happens to live in Jenks , Oklahoma ! Didn 't know exactly where that was , so I Mapquested it and discovered that it is just a bit south of Tulsa and is about 444 miles away from me . Anyway , I restrained myself from opening the package until I could get home to take pictures . That was tough since it had fragile written on it and it was just calling my name to see what was so breakable . Once I broke into the package , ( they had it taped up pretty darn good ! ) I discovered this : The outside wrapping that it was shipped in was an inside out Bath and Body Works bag ! I love the snowman box . Once I opened it up , I found : Peppermint Bark , Pecan Pie and Eggnog flavors . I have never had the Pecan Pie or Eggnog flavors before , but love the Peppermint and am looking forward to trying the others . Digging further , I found : And a major thank you goes out to Georgie and Amy . They have done an awesome job of coordinating this Secret Santa Soiree . I know that there have been some issues , but I truly hope that they will brave the elements again next year . I have officially not won the letter to me contest that I entered over here . My streak is still intact ! Yay me ! ! You can read the winning entry at this location . Congrats ! Am I unhappy ? Yeah , kind of . Just in the sense that I would have loved to have won . But , it is no big deal . There were a lot better letters to selves out there than mine . Of course , if mine hadn 't been the first and everyone could see what they were up against , then maybe theirs wouldn 't have been so darn better ! ( Yes , I am just joking . Kinda . . . . ) Maybe I am just saving up all my winnings for something really big . . . . like the Power Ball lottery ! Then all those folks who won things in contests that I entered will be sad that they already used up their win . Yeah , probably not . I saw that the person I sent my Secret Santa stuff to has received it and posted about it . They say they like it . But I feel kind of bad because I sent something that would go with something else I was under the impression they already had . Evidently that was not the case . Now they are going to have to wait to use the gift since they are having to wait to get the item I sent the gift for . ( Wow ! Did that even make sense ? ! ) Like I said in another post , it was kind of hard to get something for this person because they are the exact opposite of me . But , according to the recipient , I didn 't do too terribly bad . I just hope they aren 't too disappointed in the fact that they will have to wait to use part of what I sent . If they are reading this , then I hope they forgive me . I am still waiting on my gift to come in the mail ( or by FedEx or UPS or Santa 's Sleigh ) . I have gawked at some of the other Secret Santa packages that have been sent , so I am really looking forward to seeing what I get . I have been pretty impressed with what others have come up with . Last night , we went to the Shriner 's Christmas Party . This is for all of the past and present Shriner 's patients in our area . My Crazy Man is a former patient . He had several operations and was a patient of theirs for over six years . Because of their kindness , this is something that is near and dear to our hearts . In years past , Santa shows up and all of the kids and siblings receive a present . And by kids , I mean the patients , no matter the age . Now , the siblings have to all be under the age of 13 to get a gift . The meal was served free to the patient and one guest along with any child . Please don 't read that previous paragraph as a complaint . It totally is not . I am just explaining how things were and how they are now . We gladly pay for our meals and Crazy Man has told them for years to use the money they were spending on his gift to make sure that another child is helped . We love going to support this group . I love to see the little ones eyes light up as Santa comes in and they get him for a few minutes all to themselves . AND they get a cool gift ! To watch some of these kids grow is fun too . This year , the kids ranged in age from 4 months up to 82 years old . Everyone has a good time ! They have us all seated at certain tables , so that no body gets to pick where they want to sit . They try to make sure that a Shriner and his wife sit at each table . For the past three years , we have shared a meal with the Roloffs . This year , we were sitting with Charlie Brown and his wife . That just tickles me . Of course I get amused by some of the silliest things . But , having a Christmas meal with Charlie Brown is just fun to say ! Once I made it inside , I ended up calling the police to file a report . I told them that this was the second time this had happened . The officer asked if I had made a prior report . I told him no and he wanted to know why I had not . The first time it happened , it was summer . We thought a tractor pulling a farm implement had hit it . Once the farmer realized he had done it , he stopped and threw it in the ditch out of the road . Now , we are thinking otherwise . I also told the officer that it looked as if someone had tied something around it to actually pull it off instead of hitting it to knock it off . He wanted to know why I thought this . I told him it was because the nails holding the darn thing on were not bent . I told him that these things don 't seem coincidental . He agreed . He asked if I had anyone who was mad at me . Duh ! I am a school nurse . There are people mad at me on a daily basis ! My brother is also pretty ticked at me . He asked if anyone had made any type of threats against me lately . I told him that only my brother . He asked what type of threats and I told him . He asked if he should go speak to him . I pleaded with him not to do so . When he asked why not , I told him that if he went to question my brother about suspicious activity on my property , that would just make things worse for me . He told me he understood but still wonders if it was him . I don 't think it is and told the officer that . I told him that I think if it was my brother , he would make sure that what he did was more personal . . . . and probably not a felony . . . just something to make me more scared . At this point , the officer says that he will make a report and will have the police in my neighborhood much more frequently . He said that he would try to have an officer patrol around my home at least once a shift . I don 't know if that is actually happening since I haven 't seen them since making the report , but I guess I have to trust that it is . I did tell the officer that I had a loaded weapon at the ready . He told me that I had every right to protect myself and my property . I told him that he needed to let his fellow officers know especially if they decide to knock on my door . I would hate for there to be a shoot out by accident ! I was not at school / work again yesterday . The Boy woke me up nearly in tears with back pain that spread around to his belly yesterday morning . Once he settled down a little , the pain seemed to be focused around his belly button and then towards his right side . He also had a low grade temp . Neither me nor The Boy wanted to get labs drawn ! He was quite terrified while waiting , but did an excellent job of not melting down . Luckily the girl got it with one stick . I was really proud of him . Before Crazy Man got home last night , I had to take The Boy to my parent 's house because I had to go to the funeral home with a friend . The mom to one of the girls I grew up with died . So , another friend and I went together . This woman was truly loved ! We stood in line for nearly an hour . When we left , the visitation was only supposed to last for another 45 minutes , but there had to have been enough people that it was going to be at least another hour and a half to two hours . She was a beautiful woman , both inside and out . I can remember her throwing her daughter a surprise birthday party one year . She came to school and picked up several of us and then we headed to her house . She had her daughter ride the bus , just like every other day so that when she got home , we were all waiting for her ! And this woman could cook ! She made the best cinnamon rolls I have ever eaten ! I know that my friend will miss her terribly . I am keeping my fingers crossed that the rest of this week goes well . We only have today and half a day tomorrow . Hopefully The Boy will be well enough to make it through these . He has finals both days , so I am hoping that those go well also . I was planning on doing a post yesterday to show what we did this weekend . Unfortunately , if you showed up yesterday , you noticed that I was no where to be found . There is a good reason for that . We were home sick . Well , not me , but The Boy . And , since I would never dream of leaving The Boy home alone sick , I got to stay home too . That left me without the planned post for here though . Today I am back ! The Boy is feeling much better . Don 't know what the deal was . He complained of his stomach hurting for about 36 hours and ran a fever for about 12 of those . Never threw up . His temp did get up to 101 , but it went away without me giving him anything for it . Now the dog has it though . Really ? ! Yes , really . Now I don 't know that the dog has a temp , but I do know that he has been throwing up with diarrhea since yesterday about 5pm . Lucky , huh ? ! This weekend , in case you didn 't know , was Wreaths Across America . All across the country , wreaths are placed on graves of those buried in military cemeteries . We did this last year at the closest military cemetery to us . This is about an hour away from home , but since we heard about it , it has become something we plan to do each year . We took The Boy last year and again this year . We feel that it is something that he learn about and understand what it means . I think he is getting it . Of course , the worst part is the cold . And I am certain that if given the opportunity to pass that up , he would . I do hope that as time goes on that he will do it in spite of the weather though . My Crazy Man ( on the right ) and Boyfriend rode their motorcycles . They are members of the American Legion Riders and said that they were riders , not drivers . Boyfriend 's Wife , The Boy and I were drivers ! It was in the 20s with a hefty wind blowing . On Sunday , the American Legion Riders placed big wreaths at the entrances of four of our local cemeteries . Boyfriend saw a cameraman from the local news on Saturday and let him know what we would be doing on Sunday afternoon . This cameraman told one of the reporters , and they came out to do a story . It was nice to get a little bit of recognition . Not for what we do / did , but so that maybe we could get more to join in with us . I was wrapping some Christmas presents the other night . If anyone has cats , they know that sometimes getting anything done with them around is a challenge . Sinatra was a good kitty . He decided that it would be better if he stayed out of the way . After all , I may be wrapping something for him ! Ziggy , on the other hand . . . . . . He thinks that he has to be in the middle of everything ! What a helper ! I am nearly done wrapping . And am waiting on a couple of things to be delivered that I had ordered . I also have to still figure out something for my grandpa . Any clues what a 92 year old man would like / need ? ! I am so glad that it is Friday ! Matter of fact , I am glad that next week only has four and a half days for us to attend . And , when we are released at noon next Friday , I don 't have to come back until January 4th ! The worst part is that I will not be able to post anything here whenever I feel the urge . I will have to find a computer to use . Don 't think for a minute though that I would trade my days off for having access to a computer ! I have gotten most of our Christmas gifts bought and wrapped . They are not under the tree yet though because we have not put our tree up . I know . . . . pretty soon it will be too late . But we haven 't been home a lot these past few weeks . I am hoping to get it up this weekend . If not , then it may have to wait until we get out of school . I entered this contest with the letter to my younger self a few days ago . Thought I would have a decent chance since nobody had entered it at that time . Now there are several others that have entered , so my chances are slowly decreasing ! Much easier to win something when you are the only entry ! Also discovered that according to Georgie over at decisionally challenged , I am nowhere near the last one to mail my Secret Santa gift . There are still 75 folks who have not sent in the delivery confirmation number . . . . and there are only four more sending days until they should be shipped . I somehow feel much better about that ! I also got driving directions to see just how many miles the package I mailed had to travel from my house to theirs . Can 't tell you now , but I will once we are allowed to disclose who we sent our gift to . I think it would be fun to know just whose gift traveled the farthest to reach it 's destination ! This weekend , we are going to be doing something special . But I can 't tell you about it yet . I want to have pictures to go with my explanations . I will tell you that it is something that we joined in on last year and have decided that it will be something that we will attempt to do every year from now on . Last year it was cold and windy and this year looks to be the same way unfortunately . Have I mentioned how much I hate being cold ? Well , I don 't like it at all . As I sit here typing this in a supposedly warm building , I have a short sleeve shirt , a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie on . Plus jeans and two pairs of socks . And no , I am not breaking a sweat . Honestly . . . . my feet are still cold ! Other than that , I am fairly comfortable . My husband 's cousin is living in Hawaii at the moment . She was saying the other day that she was going to the beach and that it was hot there . I told her that I hoped that she and her husband were sent to Alaska by the Army on their next assignment . The Boy tells me this morning on the way to work / school that he has two different Christmas lists . He makes one for me and one for his father . Tells me that this way he won 't get duplicate gifts . Smart , except that by doing this , when there is nothing on the list that I can either afford or am willing to get , then I don 't have a clue that there are other things out there he is wishing for . And I discovered that of these two lists , the items I have been presented with are much more expensive than what is on the other list ! I think the DNA Donor has The Boy convinced that I make more money than he does . Amazing how that is so far from the truth ! I told The Boy that he needs to only make one list and then if it is a big thing that he is asking for , then if I decided I wanted to be the one to get it for him , I would just call DNA Donor and let him know to mark it off the list . I know there are problems with that theory , ( because I have lived through them ) but I still feel it is the best solution . Convincing The Boy of that is an entirely different thing . Got paid yesterday . It is gone . Early in the year , I sat down and made a list of all our bills and when they were due . I then made a list with all the dates that both myself and Crazy Man were supposed to be paid . Once that happened , then I could assign bills to a paycheck . Every bill has a paycheck . Everything gets paid this way , and sometimes I get ahead . How do I get ahead ? Well , some months have an extra week in them . The way I do it , the bills come out in order . That way at the end of the year when Crazy Man 's checks get smaller because of less work available for him , I don 't have to worry about not having the money to pay a bill . I also have figured out that at the end of the week before I add in the next check , I divide the total my checkbook shows and take half of that to put into savings . Even if it is only a couple of dollars , I have been able to save quite a bit . We have been saving like this for 9 months so that we can have money to spend on our Hawaii trip . I like being able to have money ready to pay bills so that I am not looking to see who can be put off for another month . I know that everyone out there who has children handpick anyone they take their children to . Like doctors and dentists and such . When you have a child who resides within the autism spectrum , this becomes an even bigger deal . His newest dentist and I had a long talk via phone before I took him in for his first visit . I explained that visits with him would be long and tiring for us all . He told me that it would be no problem and that he had worked with autistic kids before . We had one incident there , but a quick call after the appointment to speak with the dentist has cleared it all up . The orthodontist is a special thing . This orthodontist is the same one that I went to as a kid . And , he has an autistic son . That gave him two brownie points ! If you have ever had impressions done before , you know that you have to put this big cumbersome tray filled with squishy icky tasting gunk in your mouth and hold it until it sets . Of course to get what they need it has to be pushed to the very back of your throat . It gags you and you can 't swallow , so you are drooling all over yourself . Granted , all of it only takes about 20 seconds , but it is still a major ordeal . Or at least it is with my son ! What happened is this : When we started going to the orthodontist , we started with a retainer to try to keep him out of braces . Once they realized that he had teeth growing in funky places , braces were the next step . They wanted to get another set of impressions at that point . After much yelling ( which could be heard throughout this big office ! ) they came to get me . I went back , calmed him down and we started again . The girl that was doing this wasn 't the nicest person and you could tell she had never had to deal with anything like this before . It was in his records that you have to explain everything that is going to happen . She didn 't . Once that was completed , we were walking through where the doc was working on another patient with family at her side . He stopped us and asked what the problem was . He asked if The Boy had been traumatized at the dentist office in the past . He said that he had never seen a child my sons age / size act like that and that it was uncalled for . Without raising my voice , I said : " You , of all people , should know what the problem is . You were handpicked for several reasons , one of which is because you also have an autistic son . My son has autism and you should know what this is like . You should understand that someone is coming at him without explanation . That some stranger is touching him without his permission . That they are putting something in his mouth that has an awful taste and texture to him . They are forcing all of this on him without his mom being around . And now the doctor himself is asking what the problem is . You , of all people , should know what the problem is . And if you can 't quickly figure it out , I will take my son and leave this office and figure out in the process how to make sure the community knows that despite having his own autistic child , this man has no idea how to deal with them . " This man quickly dropped his head and apologized . He not only apologized to me and The Boy , but he also apologized to all who were within range of hearing our conversation . He agreed that I was in the right and he was in the wrong . He said that he had been having a rough day and took it out on the two of us . He also said that we would assign one specific person to The Boy to take care of him . From that point on , we have had no problems at all . We got lucky and were assigned Shannon . She has been wonderful ! The Boy will not allow anyone else to touch him . A few visits ago , another girl came out to get him , but he didn 't want to go . . . . until she told him that Shannon was busy and had asked if she would just go get him to bring him back . But , Shannon would be the one working with him . When he got the braces put on , we were told that they hoped that it would only take about 2 years . We have had to go to an oral surgeon for a bracket to be placed on a tooth that was growing in the middle of the roof of his mouth . This bracket had a chain attached to it that they have been " reeling in " to get it into the correct position . This terrified The Boy . I didn 't really realize how much until we were on our way to his appointment yesterday . Normally , going to see Shannon is no big deal . Yesterday , he was sad and quiet . He told me he didn 't want his gum to be cut . We talked about our options ( braces forever , or cut gum if need be ) and he decided that he wanted neither of those ! Once his wire was out , he went to brush his teeth and I told Shannon what the problem was . She went over to speak with the doc and give him a heads up . When the doc came over , he apologized for making The Boy worry and said that the tooth seemed to be just about to break through ! He said that the gum covering the tooth was paper thin now and there should be no problem . There was only one link of chain showing and it was easy to slide the tie wire through it . The wire this doc uses is that stretchy type of wire that some folks use to string beads and make bracelets and such with . The Boy and I call it ' spaghetti wire ' because it is seems so flimsy . That is when it happened . As the doc was tying the chain to the wire with the spaghetti wire , it broke . He was pulling it really tight and the spaghetti wire broke into two pieces . When that happened , it also pulled the chain and ( I can only assume ) the tooth down . Now instead of only one full link showing , there was one and a half showing . And , it cut his gum . The Boy didn 't realize that the whole incident had cut his gum and caused it to bleed some . Let me tell you though . . . . when he figured it out , he told the doc that it hurt and that he was not very happy with him ! Luckily there was no crying or yelling , and we made it out of there a few minutes later . In December 2007 , braces were put on . In April 2008 , the chain was attached to our little rogue tooth . We hope that all braces are off by this time next year . The Boy has already reminded us that the two years that he feels was promised to him was a lie . He may not truly understand the concept of time , but he can do math ! I know that I mentioned before that I am taking part in the Secret Santa Soiree this year . Well , I got my shopping completed this weekend and now am just waiting on the perfect time to make it to the post office . I am keeping my fingers crossed that they like what I found that I felt was pretty much right on for them ! I also came across chocolatecovereddaydreams . blogspot . com who had a neat little giveaway . Yeah , I like what she is giving away , but what really caught my attention was the subject . The subject is " if you could write a letter to your younger self , giving advice for the future , what would it say ? Would the letter be funny or serious ? " I thought that would be something fun to write about . Plus , I may win a prize ! Go me ! So , without further ado . . . . my letter to me . I would say that upon receiving this you would be a bit shocked to find who it is written by , but since I know you , then I don 't think you will be surprised at all ! I figure you will be quite happy to know that you survived until at least now ! Especially since there will be days upcoming in which you will seriously question as to whether you will . If I did that though , you would not have all the experiences that I now possess . If I told you everything that would happen to you in the coming years , then you may just decide to change a few things . And if you did that , you may miss out on some of the greatest things that has happened in your life . I will tell you this . . . . . you are going to make a few decisions that you will question later on . Trust me . . . I am questioning them for you as I write this ! But once you look at the bigger picture , you will realize that if it weren 't for some of the stupid things you did , you wouldn 't have the great things you have . Doesn 't make sense , does it ? To make stupid mistakes and get something wonderful out of it . But you did it . And , today , in your future , you have it . You have a wonderful husband who loves you to distraction . You have a gorgeous son who you can not imagine living without . You have a job in a tough economy and you are able to help provide for the family that you adore . Nothing else matters . And because of some mistakes you made , you have all of this . My old person advice to my younger self ? Trust in the choices you make . Pay attention to your heart and heed the information you have available to you to make those choices . Know that they are the right ones for you and your current situation . And know that in the end , they will all even out . I know , I know . Here you get a letter from the future , and I don 't tell you how I got here . You were wanting me to tell you how you could make things perfect for the future . Do you know how hard it is to buy a gift for someone you don 't know ? I have joined the Secret Santa Soiree ( as noted by the button over there on the left ) . When I stumbled across this idea , I thought it would be great fun . Don 't get me wrong . . . it is great fun . However . . . . . When all these people signed up , I went browsing all of their sites to see what I could find out about those who were on the list . As I was looking , I came across one that I literally stopped and said " this is the one I will be paired with to buy a gift for . " I don 't know why I thought this other than the fact that as I was looking , I felt that this would be the person that would be so difficult for me to buy for . Why ? Because we are complete and total opposites ! This girl is really a girly girl . Me . . . . not so much ! Now , I am not saying anything that she hasn 't said herself , so don 't think that I am judging her because I am not . She loves the color pink , and I think that I actually own one pink scrub top and a pink sweatshirt . I do own a pink pair of fake crocs and the tennis shoes I am wearing are pink . . . but this is not my favorite color . She lives in the city and as you can tell by the name of this blog , I definitely do not ! I also had a hard time coming up with something because she rarely posts . It is really hard to get to know someone when they don 't put much out there . Now , having said all of that , I think that I found something that she will enjoy . I make no promises though . Is it a girly girl gift ? Is it something pink and frilly ? Can 't tell ya that ! I haven 't mailed it yet and I have not told her who I am yet . I don 't think that she visits here , but I don 't want what I am sending to be blaring from the page just in case she does and figures out I am talking about her ! Now all I have to do is pack it up and get it to the post office . I am thinking of having my Crazy Man mail it while he is out on the road . That way she won 't know ( in case she does happen to stumble across this little lost in the woods post ) where it really came from . And , I am really looking forward to seeing what my Secret Santa picked out for me ! Maybe I am just as hard to buy for since I could be that person 's opposite too ! I found some of the items that I had bought for Christmas online for less money than I spent at the store . So , I placed the order for them and will return the ones that I bought in person . Am I the only one who does that ? ! Please tell me that I am not ! I did that with three things this year . Two of them were for The Boy . I am waiting on the delivery of six or seven things that I found online that we could not find in the stores . I have been told that they will all arrive before Christmas , so I am keeping my fingers crossed . The Boy is obsessed with this video game called ' Halo ' . Now , I don 't know a ton about it , but I do know that it is a war type game . I personally don 't like those types of things , but how do you change someone 's obsession ? Anyway , he loves the game and everything about it . When people use the term obsessed , it could mean anything . However , when I say obsessed , I mean it ! How obsessed you ask ? Well , obsessed enough that he has already told me that he will be going to college to get a degree so that he can work for this company that makes this game . He has already looked into what jobs they have available at this time to see what kind of degree he may need . He has looked for a college close by this place to determine if they would be able to provide the degree he would need . He has even gone so far as to look online to see if there were houses available to buy so that he would have a place to live . And , he only looked in a 7 mile radius from the company 's headquarters . I 'm telling you . . . . obsessed ! There are chapter books that have been written based on the game 's premise and I took him to our library to look for them . When he realized that they did not have them , he was a bit upset . But , I told him that he could always request that the library get them . He didn 't think it would work , but I convinced him to ask anyway . About four weeks ago , the library called and said that they had books on hold for him . We went in , and they had ordered two sets ! They checked out one set to him and put the others on their shelves . He was so excited ! He has been reading them and is now working on getting the last one read . I found a big book called the Halo Encyclopedia . This is going under the Christmas tree with his name on it ! Matter of fact , this is one of the things that I bought and then found online cheaper . It was delivered last night , so this weekend I will be returning the other one . We also found that there are Lego sets that are based upon this video game . Needless to say , he will be receiving some of those from family also . He loves Legos and Halo . How can we go wrong ? ! This morning on the way to school / work , I asked The Boy if he had gotten his Christmas shopping done . He of course said no . I was teasing him and asked when he was going to buy my gift . He just looked at me and said " I know people . " I busted out laughing and asked if he was a member of the Mafia ! He just grinned and said " maybe . " He just cracks me up sometimes ! I think this weekend we are going to stay home and try to get the Christmas stuff out and things wrapped to put under the tree . First we have to clean out a path in the garage to get to the things though ! One of these days I am hoping to become more organized . Maybe when we build onto the house that will happen . Until then I am stuck with just clearing a path ! As I finish up here , I realize that when I am able to sit down and actually type out a post , they all end up pretty long . I can 't imagine that I have that much to actually talk about ! And maybe I don 't . But typing the words rather thIma Hick On Tuesdays , I take my son to his counseling appointment . Well , at least on most Tuesdays . He has been seeing this counselor since June of 2004 . I started taking him to her when he began banging his head against the wall hard enough to bloody his nose . He usually attends once a week ( usually on Tuesdays right after school ) as long as she is available . Since he has started counseling , the head banging and self biting episodes have become nearly non - existent . It has helped with lots of other things too . Well . . . here . . . let me just quote the paragraph that is in his newest yearly treatment plan : " has demonstrated progress in his ability to accept criticism and / or correction , to develop social relationships appropriate to his developmental level , to display spontaneity and emotional and / or social reciprocity , and to express and understand humor . Additionally , his display of self - abusive behaviors has greatly decreased . " So I guess that 5 and half years of weekly counseling has brought us a long way , huh ? ! Of course , there are about two pages of things that we are working towards at this time , but we have still come a long way ! With all of that said , why would you want to stop taking your child to a place that has done so much good for him ? Well , I don 't want to . However . . . I am not the only one who makes these decisions . I have held off the DNA Donor several times concerning this very thing . You know how it is . . . . too much time , costs too much , doesn 't need it , yada yada yada . Today , I am the one considering taking him out of therapy . I know this is not a good thing to do , so maybe I should just switch counselors . The problem with that ( as every parent of an autistic child knows ) is that he has ' bonded ' with this counselor and has become quite comfortable in the environment that is provided each week . So what has got me all in a tiz about possibly pulling him ? It all started last October . Crazy Man got new insurance that covers all of us , The Boy included . I told the girl at the front desk that The Boy now had a secondary insurance . * A little background info here : this is a one counselor office . She did not have anyone who even sat at the front desk until her son got married to this girl . Once that occurred , this girl shows up in order to keep track of the appointments and payments and deal with insurance . * When I told this girl that The Boy had a secondary insurance , she said " ok but his primary insurance is paying just fine , so we probably don 't need to worry about sending it into his secondary . " At the time , I was fine with that . Once I began slowly coming to my senses and realized that if the secondary is billed , then that will go against his deductible , it was summer of this year . I asked the girl if she would start to file those claims with both insurances and explained my reasoning . Let 's just calmly say that she was not happy . After a couple of months , she told me that it was a pain and that if I wanted her to file the old claims , I would have to pay a fee of $ 8 or something like that so she could send them to the right place instead of the place she had been sending them . I told her that I did not understand . She said that my insurance has a different place that these mental health type claims go and that I should know that . I told her that I did not know that , but I was not in charge of how insurance worked and all that went with it when sending in a claim . I gave her the insurance card and can only read what it says and that it was her knowledge about insurance companies that I was relying on . Needless to say , she wasn 't happy again . Well , neither was I if truth be told . However , I gave her the money to have it refiled and went on my merry way . I have yet to receive anything from my insurance company , but they are always slow and I have other things to worry / think about . This past Tuesday , I took The Boy to his appointment . He was in the midst of it and I was in the waiting area balancing my checkbook when the DNA Donor walked in . This receptionist greets him ( like she always has ) with a bright cheery smile and a voice that goes up an octave compared to what she sounds like when talking to me . DNA Donor gives her his check and doesn 't even get to sit down before the counselor is out there telling him that we all need to come back and have a little meeting because " we have a problem . " I have absolutely no idea what is going on here ! Her receptionist has a piece of paper laying face down on the table in front of her . The counselor says that there are insurance problems and that " B " will explain them . " B " turns over the paper and says that she has received this explanation of benefits from the DNA Donor 's health insurance denying the three claims she sent in for October . She says that the insurance has written on this that the member must contact them with any information concerning a secondary insurance . This includes who holds the secondary insurance , that person 's name , address , phone numbers , social security number , and birthdate . She tells us that until this is done , that all claims filed will be denied . She then goes on to say that because these claims have been denied , they will have to be refiled and they have begun to charge $ 5 for each claim that is refiled . So , before the current denied claims are sent back through , we owe them $ 15 . Once this has been spoken , " B " turns to me and says " you have three choices . " ( How this had become all my problem at that point I wasn 't sure ! ) I was told that I could either give all of that information to the DNA Donor or I could have her stop filing with the secondary insurance or I could just pay the entire bill that had been denied by the insurance . Taking a deep breath , I , as calmly as possible , told her that if she could give me a copy of the paper she was looking at that contained all the information being asked for and the phone number listed , I would be more than happy to call and get this done . I told her that it was not my information that I would be giving , it was Crazy Man 's and that his personal information is not legally mine to give . I also told her that I seriously doubted that he would like me to just hand over that info to anyone . " B " tells me that I have to give it to DNA Donor because he is the member and she would not give me a copy of the EOB . I asked for the phone number then . She again told me that the DNA Donor is the one who would have to have the information to take care of it . I told her that unless she gave me the phone number , we were at a standstill because there was no way that I was going to pay the whole bill when we had insurance that would take care of this , and since the primary insurance refuses to move ahead until information concerning the secondary is presented , she may as well not file with them either . Again , " B " told me that I would have to give the information to DNA Donor . I told her that I was legally allowed to take care of this because I order his prescription meds all of the time through this insurance . She also told me that she had spent a lot of time filing these claims with both insurances and " your secondary insurance hasn 't even paid anything . " It hit me then as to why this was all my fault . Evidently I have more power than I realized ! I am the one who controls how much an insurance company pays and when they pay it ! Wow ! If I had known that I possessed this much power , I would have been finding a way to get a message to the President to let him know that if he is having trouble with insurance / health care , he should be talking to me because I have the power to change it all ! Amazing . I think I am going to sell this service to folks that are having difficulty with their insurance companies . Or at least the two companies that The Boy is covered under . Becoming angry , I said that this was not totally my fault . Yes , I would accept responsibility for asking her to send in the back claims for the year once I came to my senses and realized they could count toward my deductible . I had paid my fine and that should be the end of that . I would not take responsibility for the fact that the insurance isn 't doing what she wants it to do . The counselor looks at her and asks if there is a toll free number on the EOB . When she was told that there was , the counselor told " B " to go make me a copy and she would set up a phone so that I could call and get this taken care of . " B " stomped out of the room and I could then hear the copier . The counselor followed her out of the room and I hear " B " telling her that this was not her fault and this was not her job . Once the copy was made , " B " comes back into the room and throws it on the table in front of me and then stomps out . I go into the other room to call the insurance . I tell them the problem and the lady asks who the secondary insurance is . I tell her and then she asks if I have a divorce decree that states that the DNA Donor is required to provide health insurance . I tell her that I do . She makes a note of that and says that she will resend these claims through and that their should not be a problem . She tells me that the office does not have to do anything other than sit back and wait for a new EOB . She says that I should also be on the look out for a new EOB . When I explain to her that I have never seen an EOB from her company for my son , she tells me how I , as the biological child of a minor child , can receive the EOBs . I thank her for her kindness and go back into the other room to let them know that everything is taken care of . I tell them that nothing has to be refiled , so no charges should have to be paid . I tell them that if the next EOB comes back as denied , to let me know and I will call them again to see about getting it taken care of . I am told that if the charges are denied again , then I will owe them the full amount of what they had submitted which would also include the November charges , until the insurance issue was taken care of . I laughed and said that there was no way that I would be able to take care of the complete cost of 7 visits by myself . Again , I would accept my responsibility and do my best to pay my half , but the DNA Donor was going to have to step up and do his part too . Let me tell you . . . . . I was ticked off . However , not one time did I raise my voice nor did I cry like I usually do when I get so mad . " B " stood there after I had taken care of all of this and tells me that she had been dealing with insurance issues all day and then she had to deal with me and she was just done . None of this was her problem . The counselor tells all of us " you have to understand that I provide a service here and " B " is hired to make sure that I am paid for that service . " Really ? ! Then how is this not her problem ? And , how is this not her job ? And , why did we have to use up my son 's appointment time to take care of this situation ? Should this have not been taken care of at a different time ? How many times have you gone to a doctor 's appointment and he invited the billing person into your visit with him to talk to you and hash out a payment plan ? ! Hopefully everyone had a good Thanksgiving and was able to spent time with their families . I also hope that everyone got the bargains they were looking for on the day after Thanksgiving ! We did both ! When I got home on Wednesday , I grabbed a bite to eat and then started in on the cooking . I think I had said before that I was going to try to bake a couple of cheesecakes . Do you know how long those things take to make ? ! I worked on two cheesecakes and a sweet potato casserole and finally was able to finish after 8 hours . All I could say at that point , is that those things better taste good ! I had to get everything baked and ready to go because we were getting up at 5am on Thanksgiving to get into town so we could go to the Big Lots and K - Mart sale . There were a couple things at each place that were high on the Christmas lists that we were going to try to fulfill . The first cheesecake I made , we took to my Grandma 's house . It was Peanut Butter Cup flavor . I thought the middle seemed a little less set than I would have liked , but Crazy Man had no complaints about it , so I guess it was done . This second one was Turtle and we took it to Crazy Man 's cousin 's house . We didn 't eat until around 8pm and by then I was actually starting to get a bit hungry ! Crazy Man said this one was good too . If I wasn 't certain about the first one , then this one I really had my doubts about . When I poured it into the pan , it was like soup . And there was no way that it was done when the recipe said it would be done ! I ended up baking it for nearly double what it called for . I guess all in all , the meals were great . The family time was a bit strained in both houses , but at least we were all together and everyone tried . Once we were done with our second meal , Crazy Man and I headed back into town . We had decided that we were going to hit the Black Friday stores for some shopping . I had my lists all made out as to what we needed and where we were going to attempt to get it . The Boy had gone to spend the night with his DNA Donor around 3pm , and would be back on Friday around 10am . So , without him to have to worry about , we made our plans to stand in line . What we didn 't really take into account however was the fact that the lines would be stupid this year . Now , I have done this for the past several years . I have a blast ! I hate to shop and this is the one day out of the year that I do all of my Christmas shopping to get it done . We started out at Toys R Us . They were supposed to open at midnight . We decided to drive by at 10 : 30 and see how long of line there was . If it was too outrageous , we would go get the second vehicle and my coat and then come back . I had borrowed his dad 's jacket just in case since it was supposed to get down into the 20s . We ended up staying ! The parking lot was completely full . Where our store is located , there are also two other stores ( Big Lots and a fabric store ) , in the same plaza area and they share a huge parking lot . Right across the street is the mall . There were people parking at the mall and walking over . We were probably close to being number 300 or so in line . By the time the store opened at midnight , there were probably at least a thousand in line . It was unreal ! When we made it out of the store at 1 : 30am , the last person in line was standing where I was standing when I got into line . Once we made it out of there , it was over to Kohl 's . They didn 't open until 4am , but since we were up anyway , why not go get into line there ? ! I got into line ( about 10 people ahead of me ) while Crazy Man took a nap in the truck . Around 3 : 15 , I decided that I was freezing and needed to use the bathroom , so Crazy Man came and took my place in line while I drove over to the Wal - Mart to use the facilities . Their parking lot wasn 't too full at all at that point . Once Kohl 's opened , I made a mad dash in , got what I wanted and got in line . Ended up that we spent longer in line than we did getting what we wanted ! But , I have to say , it did move faster than the line at Toys R Us . Our next stop was at Wal - Mart . Crazy Man dropped me off at the front door at about 4 : 55 and went hunting for a place to park since the lot was now full . He ended up parking halfway between Wal - Mart and Kohl 's in the Sam 's lot ! That Wal - Mart was so full , that there was absolutely no way you could have pushed a cart through the big main aisle by the registers . Matter of fact , you couldn 't even walk through that area . We stood in line for over an hour to checkout . Crazy Man then ran me across the street and dropped me at Target . He went to K - Mart to get the one item we needed and came back to get me . He was able to drive to K - Mart , find a parking spot , hunt for and get what we needed , wait in line for 40 minutes to pay , drive back to get me , and I was still in line . I ended up being in the checkout line for nearly two hours at Target . We got Crazy Man back to the house a few minutes after 9am . He went straight to bed ! I got into my vehicle and went back out to the fabric store that was next door to Toy 's R Us . The fleece that I use to make blankets was supposed to be 75 % off and I was to meet my parents there . I was in that crazy store for three hours . And nearly all of that was spent standing in line ! However , I did manage to get enough material for at least 8 blankets and 4 new scrub tops for me ! I finally made it home about 1pm . The Boy had gotten home around 10 and he and Crazy Man met a friend for dinner . I came home and crashed around 2pm . I slept until about 5 when they wanted me to get up for supper . When I woke up though , I was pretty sick to my stomach so I didn 't end up eating . Went back to sleep about 8pm and we all slept until noon on Saturday ! The worst part about Black Friday this year was the standing in line . There really was not a lot of pushing and shoving and rudeness going on . And , I managed to get about 95 % of my list completed during those hours . On Monday and Tuesday , I ordered a few things online and so today as I type this out , I am 99 % finished . I still have to find something for my mom and my grandfather . Everything else is complete ! Crazy Man says that he won 't be going to another Black Friday ! He says that he would have just as soon spent the extra money . But , my thought is that we saved more than we spent . I am not quite sure how that worked , but it did ! Probably because some of the things that I bought for $ 10 are regularly $ 25 . All in all , I think that we got some excellent bargains and I definitely plan to do it all again next year ! This disclaimer is to make sure that you understand just what it is that you are getting into by visiting here . What I say is my opinion and mine alone . If you are not happy with my opinions , fine . You are more than welcome to tell me about how yours differs , just don 't tell me that I am wrong because an opinion is never wrong . This blog is for me to get out all my thoughts and feelings since actual adult conversation is not a daily occurrence . Plus , speaking my mind is so much less work than hunting for new places to hide the bodies . And it is a lot more legal too . Thanks for visiting ! I am a mom , wife , daughter , granddaughter , sister , aunt , nurse , who loves her kid , husband , family , cats , occupation , and home . I have been known to have an odd sense of humor and sometimes feel that if there were cameras following me around I could have my own comedy show . I want to live long enough that I can say whatever I want to say and not get into trouble because of it . This is the man who was crazy enough to marry me . He loves both me and the boy to extremes . He is a city slicker who drives a truck for a living , has an addiction to Harley Davidson motorcycles and is not quite sure yet about all this country living . This is my boy . He is 15 years old and is a freshman in high school . He has been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum . He does have some difficulties , but we work around them . He loves Curious George , his cat , computers , video games , science , and learning new things . Named when he was just a baby for his big blue eyes . Lost the sight in the right one and will forever be an inside cat . Loves his mom ( me ) . Can be found hiding under the covers on the bed when company comes . Ziggy Original name was Zigawa ( after the place in The Curious George Movie of course ! ) but shortened to Ziggy after our tongues constantly tripped over that ! Loves The Boy fiercely and misses him terribly when he is gone . Fred Silly little dog . Moved in when his dad ( Crazy Man ) moved in . Drives the cats crazy . Barks at anyone who doesn 't live with us and thinks he is bigger and badder than he really is . |
This morning I needed a patience pill . ( Although Jason would argue that even if there were I wouldn 't take it . I have this weird " thing " about taking medicine - I don 't like to do it . ) This morning though , I really needed something . I have to admit , now that Jason is home , and that worry has lessened , the stuff that I 've put on hold for the last few days came crashing down . I had to think about school , the class I 'm taking , along with some other deadlines that I left to the last minute , so when Abby wanted one more snack , needed help changing the channel , and insisted I get her a " bigger drum " , I didn 't hold on to my patience . It was quickly decided that Abby would have a better day if she went to child care for a bit . After some convincing she was excited to go , and off we went . The whole way there she wanted to make sure that she would be able to play " in Miss Corey 's room " - it seems she has decided that the new woman they hired at child care is there just to play with her . When I got back to school to get her ( after getting some things done and taking the time for some much needed rest ) , she came barreling out of the room in her bare feet and took a running leap into my arms with a joyful yell of , " Mama ! " It doesn 't get much better than that . I love the fact that even though I was so cranky and short with her in the morning , according to her , all was forgiven by the afternoon . Abby doesn 't hold a grudge . It seems that with that wonderful greeting I 'd found my patience , because I really didn 't mind that we all spent about 15 minutes trying to find her shoes . The whole time we were looking Abby wasn 't concerned a bit , she was too busy " cutting " the pretend food that she 'd been playing with . Every time I asked her where her shoes were she would simply tell me , " Not now , " and continue playing . Finally a sharp Miss Lynn found them in that bathroom , where Abby had left them earlier in the day . I 'm happy to say that the evening was much better than the morning . Sure she had a time - out , but I didn 't lose my cool , and all was much better afterwards . We ended the day by snuggling and watching one of her favorite programs . I fully anticipate tomorrow being a better day , even without the patience pill . Even though Bruiser woke us both up before 6 a . m . , she ran with it . I 'd barely even let him outside before she was asking for her ballet clothes and pink wig . While I stumbled around trying to make some coffee , she sat in front of the mirror and sang along to what she calls her " princess song " ( " Call Me Maybe " ) . Soon enough I woke up fully and she moved on from the pink wig to the Rapunzel wig - and of course she needed to watch the movie as well . This was great because it let me run around and get things ready for Jason to come home . Before I left the hospital yesterday there was every indication that he would be home today , so I wanted to make sure that things were ready for him . It was some time durning the morning that Jason sent me a text and let me know that they were checking for a blood clot . Apparently this can happen sometimes when you have an IV . Soon enough I got word , he had a clot - and wouldn 't be home . To say I was disappointed was an understatement . With that news we put things into high gear around here . I needed to get Abby to child care so that I could head to the hospital and see what was going on . Luckily she cooperated . Once we got to school though she put the breaks on . Thanks to Mrs . Goings ( and the fact that Abby found some scissors and paper to cut ) she was soon distracted , and I was on my way . After picking up some contraband ( a sandwich from Panera - Jason was a bit tired of hospital food ) , I was off to see him . I was thrilled to see he was sitting up and perky , even giving his nurses a hard time . After a few visitors though I watched him " hit the wall " , so I tucked him back into his bed , and disappointed that he wasn 't coming home with me , I left to try to get some rest myself ( and to try out the new metal detector we 'd gotten in the mail , because when he had his " hand incident " his wedding ring went flying into the grass - it 's still there ) . It was when I was on my way to get Abby a couple of hours later that I got the news that Jason would be coming home . I turned the car around and was on my way . Now , we are all home , safe and sound . How nice it is to have us all here . I feel like a weight is lifted and that our house isn 't as empty . I 'm looking forward to a few days that are a bit slower . We still have things to do , and they will be busy days , but with Jason home they will be lighter and calmer days - at least that 's what I 'm praying for ! I took this one on Tuesday night . Abby and Bruiser were sohappy to see each other after a long day apart . Abby decidedto play the bongos for Bruiser , but she didn 't want to stop hugginghim - so she did both ! My mind is primarily on Jason , who we thought would be coming home today . Unfortunately , that didn 't happen . We both had our hopes up . He 'd gotten his PIC line in ( for his antibiotics , which he will need to continue on a daily basis for the next 2 to 6 weeks ) , he 'd passed his breathing test ( which meant that there was no oxygen tank coming home with us ) , and we 'd even gotten the discharge papers handed to us . The only thing we were waiting on was the chest x - ray , which would confirm that the PIC line was in the right spot . While we waited I packed his stuff up and we talked about how good it would be for him to be home and in our bed . My mind is on Abby , who misses her Dada . Tonight , after her snack , she came to me and said , " Mama , go get Dada , now ! " She is ready to see her guy . Sure , she has had a blast the last two days hanging out with The Carters ( Yep , she got to go tonight too - and those lovely people fed both of us when dinner rolled around ) , but I could see how tired she was tonight . She was a little crankier , and cried a bit more easily . I knew she was really tired when we laid down to read a book and even with the lights on she still fell asleep half way through it . I know tomorrow will be another long day for her away from home and so , I 'm praying she gets good rest tonight . My mind is on school . Last night I had my first " school " dream . This is typical of me . When school rolls around I will usually have a dream ( or two , or three ) where all the kids show up and I 'm not ready to go . Last year I didn 't have books for them , this year I didn 't have desks for them . We start back on Tuesday , and still my room is as I left it in June . I 'm not terribly worried , I know that things will get done , but it is one more thing to think about . Today was surgery day , but even before our day began we were getting notes and messages from many people letting us know that we were all being lifted up in prayer . I can 't tell you what that meant to me . All across the country people were chiming in , and letting us know they cared . Amazing . Our day began early . Jason needed to be at the out - patient surgery center by 7 a . m . - enter : The Carters . They were kind enough to let us show up in the wee hours of the morning and drop Abby off , so that we could get Jason to surgery on time . Abby was more than excited to leave the house at 6 : 30 a . m . , in fact , I believe she was the first one out of the door , telling us to get moving , after all , she had Carters to play with . Everything went as planned , and soon enough Jason was ready to be wheeled off to the OR . After checking that the surgery would only take about an hour , I dashed out for a quick coffee . I was back in record time . Strangely enough only about a half hour into the procedure they called me up to the front desk . The receptionist must have seen the concern on my face , because the first words out of her mouth were , " He 's okay . " She wanted to let me know that the nerve block that they 'd given him hadn 't taken , so they needed to switch to a general anesthetic . All this meant is that it would be about 40 more minutes before they called me back to see him . Okay , I could do this , after all I did have an assignment due today for the class I 'd started last week . So I got out my books and got to work . It wasn 't that much longer when a nurse came out and asked for his c - pap machine . Jason is one of those " lucky " people that has sleep apnea , so I ran out to the car and got it for them . The nurse was smiling , so I didn 't think anything of it . It wasn 't until later that I found out they were trying all sorts of things to help him breath at that point . Before long I had my homework done and commenced waiting in ernest . The surgeon had come out to explain the surgery , and how it had gone . The infection didn 't look as bad as they thought , and even though he could see that several of Jason 's nerves were badly bruised , none of the " casings " around them were damaged . The assumption was that there may have been some tearing , but since the casings were good , the nerves would heal in time . He also mentioned that Jason had had some trouble coming out of the anesthesia , but he was calm and not concerned , so I wasn 't worried . This time one of the nurses came out to let me know that they were still getting him breathing right and that now there was some concern about fluid in the lungs . They needed to wait for the x - ray to be brought over and then they would take a look . She told me that if I hadn 't heard in the next half hour to ask the receptionist to let me know what was going on . I went to see the receptionist . She very kindly said she would go and check for me . At this point , I still was not too worried . Everyone else was calm , so I should be too , right ? Minutes later a door off the waiting room opened and the nurse motioned me in . Ah , yes , time to see Jason . Instead , I was ushered into a small conference room and asked to have a seat . As the nurse shut the door behind me she told me the anesthesiologist would be right in to see me . That was when Panic climbed up out of my stomach , and sat right down on the lump that had formed in my throat . I tried , I really tried to concentrate on what the doctor was telling me . I asked questions , I filtered out the jargon and I tried to latch on to what had happened . Apparently , when they removed the breathing tube from Jason 's mouth , and told him to take a nice deep breath , he 'd choked somehow . He began coughing and his vocal chords spasmed . This caused them to close up and cut off his airway . Later Jason told me that they had to give him epinephrin in order for them to relax . This happened a couple of times , and they needed to keep him on oxygen . This choking had caused negative pressure , which then led to some fluid " leaking into where it shouldn 't be " . The solution ? Weaning him off of the oxygen slowly , monitoring him closely , and time . In order to do this , they would be admitting him to the hospital for observation through the night . I was proud of myself . I only got a bit weepy , and I held it together pretty well . Soon enough I was able to head back to see him . He looked beat - so very tired , but like the trooper that he is , he soon perked up and was even joking around with the nurses . Since he needed oxygen , he needed to be transported to the hospital ( across they street - a whole 400 yards or so ) , via ambulance . Waiting for that took the longest . While all of this was going on , the waiting , the stressing , the waiting , I kept getting notices that people were praying . Since Carters had to work , they so kindly dropped Abby off at child care . I was checking in with our wonderful child care director through out the morning , and she would keep up the assurances that Abby was fine , and that they were praying . Amazing . Once I found out that Jason would be staying , I was able to talk with those wonderful Carters , and they assured me that Abby was taken care of . I wasn 't to worry - and I didn 't . They would pick her up , take her to their house , and wait to hear from me . Amazing . Soon enough Jason was settled in his room , and there was a steady parade of doctors and nurses that came in , each time asking a variation on the question , " So what brought you in today ? " Jason was amiable as they poked , prodded , and as he told the same story over and over . It was round about 5 : 00 when Jason looked at me and told me he was tired and in pain . He needed rest , and I needed to get a few groceries before I picked Abby up . It was time for me to take off and leave him to rest . It was in the parking lot of Meijer that the day caught up with me . I 'd just gotten off the phone with my mom and she 'd given me one " Awww , Sweetie . . . " too many . I probably sat in my car ( parked far from the entrance ) for a good 10 minutes , trying to regain my composure . That was when the offer came in from The Carters , for Abby to stay for dinner ( those wonderful friends had even gone out and gotten some gluten free spaghetti , just for Abby ) , and they would bring her to our house later in the evening . She was having a blast and I was not to worry . Amazing . The Carters . Amazing . Thank you to all of our friends and family who lifted us up today . We are so thankful for all of you and the blessing you are to us ! A week ago yesterday Jason 's uncle was in a pretty horrible motorcycle accident . He was exiting the highway when , as best we can put together , he was cut off . Unfortunately , he was not wearing a helmet , so his injuries were quite serious . He made it though his initial surgery and they gave him several days to stabilize . He is a strong guy , an extremely healthy , strong guy , and so pretty quickly his blood pressure evened out and he began healing . Yesterday they took him to surgery once again in order to do his facial reconstruction . Nearly every bone in his face was broken . He came out of the surgery and now the waiting begins . As of yesterday they were keeping him unconscious . This week they will begin bringing him out of that and assessing the things that they cannot know by looking at him . Through all of this I have been reminded of how amazingly we are made . The power of the body to heal and repair , and the strength of the will to survive is humbling . I have also been aware of how fragile we are - how quickly things can change . Both of these reminders have caused me to be more thankful than ever for my family and for a God who welcomes my prayers and pleas . Abby If I were a news station I might dub this summer the " Tummy Troubles of 2012 " . Around about day 10 of the daily diarrhea I was pretty discouraged - by day 19 I was panicking . What was happening ? Why was Abby still so sick ? With one week left of summer , would we be able to figure this out ? Why couldn 't my poor kid just catch a break ? After going to the doctor we got some testing done and everything came back negative . The assumption was , it was a virus that she would have to work through . Jason and I decided that we would try a different diet and see if that made any difference . As of today we are on day four of a gluten free and lactose free diet for Abby . As of today we are on day two of no tummy troubles . Now , whether she has a wheat allergy or a milk allergy , I 'm not sure , but right now all I know is that she is feeling better . To me that means we will keep going as we are for a bit . Maybe she needed the milder food to let her body heal , maybe it was running it 's course anyway - I don 't know . There may come a time when we get her tested and we try to reintroduce foods in an effort to pinpoint the problem , but right now I 'm liking the status quo . Lesson learned ? I will gladly pay $ 7 for a bag of gluten free pretzels , if it means my kid won 't be up at two in the morning , sitting on the potty and crying because her " bottom hurts " . Jason It seems that Jason is making a name for himself . He told me tonight that when he went to the doctor 's this afternoon for some antibiotics he was greeted with , " Oh , you 're the guy that put the pitchfork through his hand ! " Yes , on Saturday , while working in the yard , Jason stumbled and ended up skewering his hand with the pitchfork he was using . After pulling it out of his hand , he ran into the house and we all zipped to the hospital . They sent him home ( after a tetanus shot ) with pain meds and oral antibiotics , and a directive to see a specialist on Monday . Today he went to see the hand specialist . Things were not looking good . They wanted to do surgery right away , but that needs to be done on an empty stomach , and since he 'd had lunch it was a no - go . See , he has numbness in three of his fingers , and after a fever and swelling on Sunday it was no surprise that he also has a pretty nasty infection . They immediately sent him off to the hospital so that he could get a couple of IV antibiotics . Tomorrow morning we head back to the hospital so that they can open up his hand and take a look . The hope is to clean out the infection and repair the nerves that have been damaged . Did I mention it is his left hand ? Did I mention that Jason is left handed ? Quite frankly this is still too " new " for me to find my lesson yet . For this I just ask for an avalanche of prayers , that 's really what we all need right now . This is " an oldie , but a goodie " - one of my all - time favorite pictures of mytwo loves ! Alright parents , you know those times when you look at your kid and , feeling all gooshy inside , you think : How is it possible that this amazing kid came from me ? Well , today was one of those days for me . Maybe it is because we are not at home and I don 't feel the pressure of the many " I - should - be - doing " s that plague me there , or maybe it is the fact that without all of her usual distractions Abby needed me a bit more today . Whatever it is , I found myself doing a lot of marveling at her today . Sure she had her moments , like when she threw a stomping fit because she had to wait for the pizza in the toaster - oven ( the truly horrendous , gluten - free pizza I picked up today , which became the most expensive pieces of pepperoni I 've ever bought , because they were really the only edible components of that thing ) , but that only lasted a few moments . She really was a gem . There were so many things that " got me " today . Like the fact that we 've removed some of her favorite foods , things that were staples in her diet , and yet she is rolling with it . While I was getting teary and feeling bad that she has one more thing to think about , she was smiling and telling me how tasty her apple was , or how her new cereal ( " Gorilla Munch " ) was her " favorite snack " . She even accepted my bluff that the ham I gave her , after the pizza debacle , was actually " pepperoni - ham " and went the extra mile to tell me how yummy it was . I love her resilience . There was also the hour or so when we sat down to some serious pretend play . In that short expanse of time we " made " soup ( cheese , tomato , pepperoni pizza , Cheerio , and Cheez - It soup that is ) , colored pictures , planted a garden , made a scarecrow , and drew family portraits . I love her creativity . Finally , there were those times today when she would randomly and unexpectedly say wonderfully sweet things . It was while she was voraciously coloring Ernie 's face that she told me she loved me , never missing a beat , and with no prompting from me , she was simply feeling love and wanted to tell me . Amazing . And tonight , as she sat at the kitchen table , filling a blank paper with color , she made it a point to tell me it was " a beautiful day , today . " I love her sweet nature , and the gift she has to brighten my day with one simple phrase . She did great , until she hit the gravel . She told me thatshe was " stuck in the mud " , and threw me the most patheticlook imaginable . Then she got out the chalk and drew a finish line so she couldrun some races . She 's got some nice form , don 't you think ? As seems to be becoming our norm , Abby woke up at 2 : 30 a . m . with tummy troubles . I was a bit discouraged , considering what a good day she 'd had ( and that it was 2 : 30 in the morning ) , but I have to hand it to her , she was a champ . There were no accidents and after each bout ( 4 total between 2 : 30 and 6 a . m . ) she quickly went right back to sleep . By the time we all lumbered out of bed , the storms had passed and Abby seemed to be doing better . Besides her lack of appetite , she was her normal , lovely self . Along with all of this , the last few days it has become clear to us that we were having some issues with the bathroom right off of our bedroom . Today was the day that Jason had set some time to work on it ( bless his heart ! ) , and the more investigating he did the more he began to wonder if it had to do with our septic system . So , around noon he went outside to find the cap to the septic tank . Since this isn 't something we do often , he needed to do a bit of digging . Along the way he slipped and ended up putting one of the tines on the pitchfork he was using through his hand . I knew something was up when I saw him take off and run to the front of the house . Once we arrived I tried to keep her occupied , while at the same time I tried to hear what the doctors were saying , a nearly impossible task . I used the old , " You 're glued to your chair " line and that had her staying put , but when the x - ray technician came to get Jason she jumped out of her chair and formally introduced herself . What a picture she was as she oh , so genteelly presented her hand for shaking and told the woman , " I 'm Abby , nice to meet you . " That seemed to be her behavioral limit . So after yelling at us that the phone she 'd picked up in the room we were waiting in was " MY PHONE ! " Jason told me to take her home . So , that 's what I did . In the end there were no broken bones and with an order to follow up with a hand specialist he was sent home with a wrapped hand , some pain medication , and some antibiotics . From there the rest of the day was downright boring . Abby and I rested for a bit , while Jason and a friend investigated the septic situation a bit further ( what a champ ! ) . It was around dinner time that we decided having limited bathroom usage and a sick kid did not go together . So , Abby and I packed our stuff up and headed out to Nana and Papa 's , leaving the boys at home to rest and recuperate in peace and quiet . And now , Abby is quietly sleeping , and Jason let me know that he 's off to bed as well , and I 'm left to reflect on the day and think to myself : Did all of this really happen ? As Abby got out of the tub tonight and we were heading off to snuggle in bed , she told me that it had been " a great day , Mama , " I wasn 't so sure about that , but then I had to figure that she may be right . After all , we are all okay - and that is indeed " great " . In the last few days Jason and I have had numerous conversations about Abby 's diet . I know that I 'm no doctor , but I find it hard to believe that a virus would still be causing Abby 's tummy troubles . It has been three weeks , and something needs to change . Last night we talked about wheat - more specifically could it be possible that Abby has acquired a wheat allergy ? We 've done research , and seeing that children with Down syndrome are 25 % more likely to have an allergy to wheat , got us to wondering . Now , since we are just starting to look into this I still have a whole heap of questions . Like , can these things just " pop " up after years of no problems ? So last night I shlepped out to the store and loaded up my cart with Abby friendly gluten free stuff , and this morning we started our experiment . I 'd gotten her some cereal puffs ( " Gorilla Munch " ) , that Abby quickly declared was her " favorite snack " , so we had breakfast taken care of . The rest of the day went better than I thought it would . It was surprisingly easy to keep her on a no wheat regimen . Not only did we cut out the gluten products , but we also switched out her milk for soy milk and almond milk . We figured that whatever we did could only help . I 'm happy to say that Abby had a great digestive day . She had no accidents , and no diarrhea . Do I think we found what the problem was , though ? I 'm not sure . We will have to have a bit more time , and I would like to have some conversations with her doctor , but I 'm just thankful for today , and that we may be on the road to some answers . Usually Abby is all about staying home when either Jason or I are off to work , but tonight was different . As soon as Jason got home from work , I needed to head out for a back to school picnic at my school . I 'm sure that Abby would have loved to come , but since she is still having issues , and last year I was so busy trying to keep her contained I couldn 't visit with parents , we thought it was best for her to stay home . Now , Abby didn 't know what was going on at school , but she wanted to go with me anyway . The whole time I was getting ready , she was right next to me , insisting that she was " getting ready for work too . " She has done this before , and I have to admit that there are times when I 'm not as patient with her when I 'm trying to do my hair and put my make - up on , but tonight I just couldn 't resist that cute little face looking up at me , asking for some powder for her nose . So , after each application , it was Abby 's turn : eyeshadow for Mom - eyeshadow for Abby , eyeliner for Mom - eyeliner for Abby , mascara for Mom - mascara for Abby . Now , before you start to imagine Abby looking like a contestant on " Toddlers and Tiaras " , whenever it was Abby 's turn to get " her " make - up I made sure to keep the lid on , or use a clean brush . It didn 't matter to Abby though , she still wanted me to lift her up to the mirror so she could see how pretty she looked after we were finished . As I got my clothes ready , Abby picked out an outfit for herself . She was just so adorable as she walked around talking about how it was time for her to go to work , and that she needed to get ready . Finally , we were both ready to go , and I have to admit that I felt a little bad that I wasn 't bringing her along , but I knew that once I left she would have a great time with Dada . She did have a great time , and when I got home she came running to me and made sure to tell me she 'd been a good girl for Dada . As I was thinking about tonight 's post , those few minutes when we got ready together just kept coming back to me . I love that she is such a girl , and I can just imagine how she is going to be in a few years when she insists on putting her own make - up on for real . I predict that the teen years will certainly be interesting . These were the words that Abby greeted me with first thing this morning . Initially , I was really confused . I knew that Abby was trying to tell me something , but I had no idea what " parkerler " meant . Then she elaborated . Oh , The Parlour ! Last night Jason made the promise that after work today we would all head out to The Parlour for an ice cream treat . The Parlour is a famous ice cream joint in town . It has a long history in our community , and is well known for the 21 scoop monstrosity known as the " Dare to Be Great " , which is free if eaten by one person ( and yes , it has been done ) . Their other sundaes border on the decadent as well , therefore it is no surprise it is a favorite place of Abby 's . Finally , finally , it was time and Abby could barely contain herself . Since we were out running errands we decided to meet Jason there . As we waited for him to arrived I told her that she could ride home in Dada 's car after our treat . Her response ? " Yeah ! Let 's do this ! " I will say that as much as she likes ice cream , she likes people more . She could barely contain herself as she sat in that booth and paid close attention to everything around her . It was impossible for her to sit still . She just scratched the surface of her yummy treat , but she still had a great time . As I settled up the bill , Abby and Jason headed out . I had to laugh though when on the way out the door she plopped herself down next to a mom enjoying her ice cream and said , " Hi . How are you doing ? " Since today is Day 19 of Abby 's " tummy troubles " , we decided that a trip in to see the doctor was in order . Abby is no stranger to the doctor 's office . In fact , I 'm sort of on a first name basis with the receptionist . We were careful when choosing her pediatrician , we wanted someone with a good reputation , and someone we could trust . We found that in Dr . Tim . Abby loves Dr . Tim , so much so that there are times when she will ask to go see him , even when she isn 't sick . From the very beginning he was the only one that could get Abby to sit still for exams , and the only one that Abby would let anywhere near her ears . For some reason having that scope pushed into her ears was terribly frightening for her . There were times ( when we weren 't able to see Dr . Tim ) that she would scream so hard that she would break blood vessels in her face . No amount of cajoling or threatening would work . So , we would grit our teeth and hold her down - sometimes while I cried along with her . Today , as I made sure to put her hair up ( for easier access ) , it was nice to know that she was going in prepared . We got there and she was all smiles . It seemed to be infectious , because as she happily jumped on the scale and raised her arm with enthusiasm for the thermometer the nurse smiled , commenting that none of the other kids she 'd seen today were quite that happy to begin their appointment . While we waited for the nurse practitioner ( Dr . Tim was on vacation - how sad ! ) , Abby played doctor and gave me a quick once over ( which included a couple of hard raps on my knees - to check my reflexes , you know ) before moving on to her pretend friends that I hadn 't realized we 'd brought along . Abby was excellent for the exam and only made Nurse Sue jump once when she started laughing , instead of crying , when it came to her ears . I couldn 't help but watch her and think about how incredibly far we have come . We got news late last night that Jason 's uncle had been in a serious motorcycle accident . At that point we didn 't know much . Throughout the night and during the day we got updates . He made it through surgery , he is strong and healthy , and now we wait for his body to repair itself . As yet there are many questions , the answers to which will come in time . Along with the worry and prayers that were lifted today for him and for those that are caring for him , there was a sense of unease . Frankly , something like this drives home the point that our days are precious . It shakes that false sense of security that I have that tragedy touches other people - not me . Abby must sub - conscientiously know that school is right around the corner ( a mere two weeks away - yikes ! ) , because this afternoon she insisted we play " Teacher / Kids " . This is a game she will pull out from time - to - time , and usually involves me , Abby , and several of her plush friends ( today it was the two Snow Whites , Tinkerbell , and Pocoyo ) . Whoever is the designated teacher will begin with a spirited round of " Hello 's " and then move to handing out pretend work , which is quickly done and declared to be " beautiful " by the teacher . As we were playing today I ( the student ) started asking the teacher ( Abby ) some questions . It ended up being a pretty cute conversation . Here 's how it went : There were so many funny things about this little conversation . First , that all anyone seems to do when they go to work is color pictures - oh , if only , right ? I also had to laugh at the end when she pulled a classic " Abby " move . Whenever she doesn 't have an answer for something she will immediately deflect . She will also do this when something is hard for her to do . There have been several therapists that have told us that when she doesn 't want to do what they ask her she will begin talking about how pretty they are and try to charm her way out of having to do it . She 's a smart one , our Abby is . I tried to steer our conversation back to the question of Bruiser , but she was resolute - she would not be moved . Before long we moved on from our game of " Teacher / Kids " , but that little conversation stuck in my head . So , as the weekend winds down , I would like to wish you all happy coloring at work this week - may all you do be declared to be " Beautiful ! " When I was a kid there were so many things I wanted to be when I grew up . Everything from actress to pharmacist made my list of desired occupations . It wasn 't until my third year of college that I finally settled on being a teacher ( my poor mother ! ) , and that was after majoring in psychology and then in business . I can only imagine what Abby 's future holds , but if I were to guess by today 's antics there are two jobs in the running . Have you heard of STOMP ? ( If you haven 't , go here . ) It is a wonderful show where percussionists use all sorts of movement and materials to create a fascinating rhythm explosion . I don 't think that Abby would like the performance , since it would probably be way too loud for her , but I bet she would have a wonderful time if she were let loose on the instruments . Today was a drumming day , and after being at a loss to provide her with a suitable drum I finally spied the clothes hamper and turned it upside - down . She loved that ! Abby has declared herself to be a superhero on several different occasions , but today , she really got into it . She has the phrases down . She was telling us that she was going to " save the day " and would yell out , " Superhero Abby to the rescue ! " She also shared a bit about her super - abilities . She told me that she could fly and be underwater at the same time ! Now , if that isn 't amazing , I don 't know what is . She certainly has the stance down , as you can see by the picture below . Playtime : Over the last week Abby and I have certainly had our share of playtime together . We 've played Barbies and Disney Princesses , we 've colored pictures , we 've played doctor / dentist , and we danced to some pretty fun tunes , but she has also spent time playing on her own . Most of the time it is in the sunroom / playroom , but today she even went up to her room to play for a bit . Some of you with kids may think that isn 't quite a big deal , but for Abby it is . This is the same kid that in the past has needed me in sight everywhere she has gone . There was no way that she would be in her room alone , without Mom to entertain her . I love the fact I can get things done , and I know that she is amusing herself . There were even a couple of times today when she didn 't follow me to the bathroom - and that is huge ! Helper Abby : One of my biggest cooking challenges is timing . I find it so difficult to have everything ready at the same moment , so that nothing is too cold by the time we sit down to eat . Tonight I got pretty close . It was round about when I was mashing potatoes , and Jason was checking the chicken , that I turned to find Abby wanting something to do too . Instead of trying to shoo her out of the kitchen ( which would have been typical of me - useless , but typical ) I gave her some jobs , and she did spectacularly . Tonight Abby set the table , with very little prompting from me . I simply handed her the tools and she did the rest . When I looked to see how she was doing everything was neatly in its place , knives and forks were laying straight on napkins that were pushed to the side to make room for our plates . She even was in charge of drinks and went to find out what Dada wanted with dinner . Now , that would be enough in itself , but she ate well - finishing all her chicken , and even cleared her plate when she was done . I was sure to tell her how very proud of her I was . It made me think about the countless times she does that stuff through the day . She knows now that when she doesn 't want the rest of her popsicle , she is to put it in the sink , I don 't have to remind her anymore . She 's also gotten into the habit of throwing things out , without a reminder . A couple of days ago I had a moment of panic when I realized that she was no longer chewing the piece of gum I gave her . I asked her where it was and where had she put it , imaging it smashed into the carpet somewhere . Her simple response ? " In the trash . " Sure enough , when I went to look there it was . She really is becoming such a wonderful helper . " Abby do it . " : Some of you may know that there are many times when Abby still refers to herself in third person ( many of The Greats do , you know ) , and one of those times is when she is insisting she doesn 't need my help . She will grab whatever it is I am trying to help her with and emphatically state , " No , Abby do it ! " I have to admit , it isn 't always easy for me to hand it over , knowing I could get it done so much quicker , but that isn 't what is good for her , so I step back and let her try . This seems to be happening more and more , with anything from buckling her own seatbelt to tying her own shoes ( which right now she just twists , but she will sit for quite some time " practicing " that difficult skill ) . She wants to give it a try and will happily remind me when I need to back - off . She is also willing to take my suggestion to give things a try when she asks for help . Often ( mostly when she 's looking for something ) she will come to me without even giving it a go , today she asked for help and I told her that I would help after she gave it a try . She accepted that and went to look for what she wanted . She didn 't end up finding what she was looking for , but in the process she found something better - we were both happy with the outcome . This morning , since Jason didn 't have any pre - work meetings ( Did you even know those existed ? They do . ) , we were able to enjoy him a little longer . The three of us snuggled into our bed , with Abby sandwiched between the two of us , and Jason and I took turns telling Baby Abby stories . As Abby listened to my story she would turn on her side to me , but when it was Dada 's turn , she would flip over and give him her attention . It was a fun time . Having started our day this way , Abby had the story of how she would take baths in Nana and Papa 's kitchen sink fresh in her mind . After lunch she came to me while I was doing something in the kitchen and so sweetly looked up at me . I couldn 't help it and I gave her a hand jumping into my arms so that I could give her a great big hug . She gave me a wonderful Abby - Squeeze ( which are the best ever because she wraps her whole self around you - splendid ! ) , and then she leaned back , looked at me , and said , " Bath , Mama . " That 's when I stared laughing . Although she is small for her age , there is no way she would fit into our divided sink . She was completely serious , but soon forgot about her idea - she was too busy trying to get me to stop laughing . One of my all time favorite movies is Singin ' in the Rain . I grew up half in love with Gene Kelly , so anything with him in it was brilliant , but paired with Donald O ' Connor made this one even better . If you have never seen O ' Connor perform " Make ' Em Laugh " you have missed out . Abby loved it as well . I won 't tell you how many times we had to watch that song ( I lost count ) , but by the end of it I had to stop her from running up walls and flopping dramatically on the floor . The funniest moment though was earlier in the movie . There is a scene when the female lead ( Debbie Reynolds ) is trying to hit Gene Kelly with a pie . In true vaudevillian fashion he moved out of the way just in time for the annoying female antagonist to get it in the face . I laughed , of course , but Abby got mad . She balled her fists , stopped her foot , and yelled , " Pie in the face - NOT NICE ! " She was honestly really mad at the character . To her , hitting someone in the face with a pie is just not something that nice people do . I had to cover my face for this one - lest she turn her ire on me for laughing at her . Last week , in an effort to add some spice to the bland food that Abby has been eating lately , I came up with a fun game . I filled a bowl with small pretzel rods and Goldfish crackers . I then taught her how to use the pretzel rods to " fish " for the Goldfish . We cast the rod , then felt a tug and hooked our fish . Next , we reeled that yummy treat in , and finally we enjoyed the catch by eating both the fish and the rod . It worked , she thought it was a fun game and ate her snack . I assumed that the game would last for a few " casts " but that eventually she would give up and just eat her pretzels and Goldfish . Well , tonight I gave her the same snack and I watched her fish for each one of those crackers . What made it even funnier was that she did it without any fanfare - without any requests for me to watch . She just sat quietly , with her bowl on her lap and watched T . V . , casting and catching as she did so . Here she is casting , reeling , and enjoying her catch ! not so thrilled with the number of pictures it took to get just the one Mom wanted . In the first picture you can see she is mad at me ( arms folded , because this was the 7th picture I 'd asked for ) , in the next picture the goof came out and she started " modeling " , and in the final frame I got what I wanted , but didn 't bargain for how old she would look ! We had a fun day , and I hope these few snapshots of our funny girl made you smile ! Alright , how many of you are familiar with the Bill Murray film , " Groundhog Day " ? You know , the one where he continues to wake up and relive the same day over and over again ? Well , I 've felt very " Bill Murray - ish " these past few days . We get up around 6 a . m . with Abby refusing to go back to sleep , but once Mom is up and moving , she decides a nice cuddle with Daddy would be wonderful . We hang out while Dada gets ready for work and then we wave him off . Next up : breakfast - for Abby it 's a bowl of " O 's " ( a . k . a . Cheerios ) , and for me it 's some EggBeaters , toast , and coffee . The short time of quiet activities allows both of us to get a second wind though , and goofiness ensues . Today that consisted of putting on " disguises " and mugging for the camera , as well as singing loud enough to get Bruiser howling . It is after this time that the day starts to drag . The hours from 3 - 5 seem to be the worst . Frankly , we are both a bit tired and bored - these are not our best hours of the day . Finally , Dada is home , and then things start to move . It always seems that from the moment he walks in the door time speeds up . I can 't tell you how many times we get done with dinner and realize that we are right around the corner from bedtime . I guess in the scheme of things if I had to repeat a day this isn 't a horrible one . Sure , Abby is still having a some " digestive " troubles , but they did seem to be less today , and that is a very good thing . I do know that tomorrow I will make it a point to do something a little different , even if it is just heading out for an afternoon coffee , because after living this day over for the last three days I 'm a bit tired of it , and I 'm sure Abby is as well - despite the fun we had . This was Abby 's first change ofthe day . She wanted to " get readyfor work like Dada " . Since Dadawore a striped shirt today , she wantedsome stripes as well - this was the closest we could get . She also insisted on a bow , which Jason did not add to his outfit . I have been aware for quite some time that Abby has a tender heart . She doesn 't like to see anyone upset . There were many times when she was younger that when a baby started crying , she would join in the wailing . Now she just offers to go get them some medicine so that they can be " all better now " . Sometimes , when I 'm playing around with her I will feign sadness and she quickly will tell me that we are all done . She doesn 't like to see someone sad . Lately though she has been really , really sensitive . For example , this afternoon the FedEx man stopped by the house to drop off a package . Now , usually I will just let them leave it on the porch and get it once they 've left . See , Bruiser tends to get a bit jumpy when it comes to strangers coming to the house , especially when Jason isn 't home . He is in full protection mode and this can cause a bit of stress in the poor guys that swing by to drop packages off . There was even one time when the UPS man asked to give him a running start before I opened the door . Although Bruiser lets Abby do whatever she wants to him , when it comes to strangers he is pretty fierce . This afternoon , as usual , Bruiser started the loud barking that lets us know that someone is near . I didn 't have much patience with him , and the third time he wouldn 't stop barking , after I asked nicely , I may have raised my voice a bit . That 's when Abby got mad at me and started crying . walking their dog by our house . I made sure that she knew that she wasn 't in trouble , that I had just been talking to Bruiser , but it didn 't matter . She sat by the door for a few minutes crying ( rather pathetically ) , and wouldn 't listen to anything I tried to tell her . She wouldn 't let me comfort her , or even touch her . She just wanted to sit and cry . She finally stood up , when Bruiser came to find out what was going on . She put her arm around him and her forehead to his back - and continued to cry . I finally got it out of her that she was mad at me for yelling at Bruiser . I found myself apologizing to Bruiser , just to make her happy - it didn 't work . Luckily , Daddy was on his way home , so she didn 't keep it up for long . Worry - what an absolute waste of time and energy - and yet sometimes I feel like by worrying I 'm at least doing something when things are out of my control . Worry seemed to pop up around every corner today , and when I least expected it . Most days I can tell it to take a flying leap , but today was different . Maybe it had to do with the way the day began . At six a . m . Abby once again got sick , and while it wasn 't in her bed , she still didn 't quite make it to the bathroom . ( This morning I was thankful that the upstairs hallway is hardwood , not carpet . ) Today is day 10 of her being sick , and I feel for the little peanut . As soon as I could I called the doctor and asked if there was anything else we could be doing . The answer was not encouraging . Apparently this stuff can hang around for up to three weeks - three weeks ? ! ? My worry about her getting better turned into frustration and another " w " - " Why ? " Why does this stuff alway seem to happen to Abby ? Why can 't she just get better ? Why does everything have to be so difficult ? The whole day wasn 't a great big pity - party , but I had to watch myself , least I fall back on those " Why 's " . In my better moments I did come up with some plans on how to help her out in the long run . I ordered some new vitamins and have some grand plans for healthier meals for all of us . Since I can 't possibly follow her around and tell her not to put her fingers in her mouth , we need boost her immune system . Besides the dashes to the bathroom , Abby really had a good day . She was her sweet self and flashed a lot of her beautiful smiles . So I 'm going to focus on that and reflect on the good of today , letting Abby wash my worries away and keep learning to take one day at a time . After a week of being cooped up at home we were all feeling a bit snarky today . Abby still wasn 't in tip - top shape , but besides the occasional race to the bathroom she was acting like herself . In desperate need to see the outside of this house , we all piled in the car ( sans Bruiser - poor guy ) and headed out to Nana and Papa 's . Papa had mentioned that there was a nice surprise waiting for Abby and so with that on her mind she was very good on the drive out . She was absolutely convinced that it was a Jesse outfit ( of Toy Story fame ) . Although we didn 't have the inside track as to what the " surprise " was , we were pretty convinced that a Jessie outfit wasn 't it . It wasn 't long after we arrived , and she 'd bestowed her round of " smoochie - bugs " , that she inquired as to the great surprise . We were lead back outside and she could barely contain herself when she saw the Big Wheel waiting for her in the back of Papa 's truck * . Nana and Papa had been out and about this weekend and found a " certified pre - owned " pink and purple Big Wheel for their little angel . Abby hopped on that thing and started pedaling away . After the first two rounds of that big front wheel we noticed she was having more trouble than she should keeping the bike straight . Jason stopped her and realized that the the right bracket , that holds the " big " wheel to the front of the trike had broken . As Abby wailed and cried about her bike , Jason and his dad tried to tape that bracket up as fast as they could . Abby was a big wet mess by the time that everything was a go . It was fun to watch her barrel down the driveway , and great to hear her laughing ( after all that crying moments before ) . She did have a wonderful time on that thing - until we heard a pop and realized that into her second leg down the driveway the bracket on the other side of the bike had broken . Once again the tears started and finally , the great weeping mess that was Abby , got off the bike and declared that she didn 't want to ride it anymore . Well , as you can imagine , Papa couldn 't stand for this and so he declared that he and Dada would head out to get her a new one - and that 's what they did . With Abby still crying , the boys went off and Nana and I were left behind to distract her . I looked for the sidewalk chalk as Nana pulled out a ball and bat . We did some drawing and some " batting " , and even pulled out the Little Tikes car that Abby is slightly too big for . Before long Abby yawned , stretched , and declared it was time for a nap . We all trotted inside and were thankful that Abby was in better spirits . Soon enough the boys were back and along with the bike they picked up a beautiful Rapunzel wig . While Abby gazed at her long , lovely locks in the mirror , the guys put the new Big Wheel together . By this time though dinner was ready , so the decision was made to wait a bit before Abby was presented with her new bike . Somewhere between the hair preening and dinner Abby lost her good mood . Each of mom 's " suggestions " was greeted with an emphatic , " NO ! " , and we couldn 't find just the right thing to get her in a better mood . You might be thinking that this would be a good time to pull out that new Big Wheel , right ? See Jason and I know our little peanut rather well , and we were fairly certain that if we got her outside and on that new bike , we would never be able to get home . We were winding down and packing up to make the trek back to our house , and we knew that in her current mood the potential for a major melt - down had grown exponentially . We made the executive decision to let it be , and leave the Big Wheel surprise for the next time we came out to Nana and Papa 's house . Despite the bumps in the road ( literally and figuratively ) it was a great time . As Papa gave Abby a helicopter ride out to the car we marveled at how quickly her mood and attitude changed . She giggled and laughed as the " helicopter " ran out of gas just in time to deposit her into her booster seat - ending our evening on a very good note . In a few short years your career will have spanned a half century , I 'm sure you can scarcely believe that . I 've always felt that you were one of the few artists that remained true to yourself , and who wrote what you felt . Your music stood on its own , and didn 't bow to fads . You wrote good music with catchy lyrics , and you proved yourself again and again . It was " Piano Man " that made me want to learn how to play that title instrument , and I always thought that " Just the Way You Are " beautifully summed up what every girls hopes her love to feel for her . I even remember sitting in my room with my tape recorder and painstakingly listening to " We Didn 't Start The Fire " in order to catch each of the lyrics you so quickly blasted through . In short , I have always liked your music . Each night , as Abby lays down to sleep she requests one song more than any other - " Lullaby ( Goodnight My Angel ) " . The simple tune , that is so beautifully sung by your soothing voice , settles her right down . With the opening strains she snuggles in and begins to breathe deeply . Sometimes she will ask me to join my voice with yours , but other times we both will enjoy the simplicity of the song by only listening , and most nights she doesn 't even make it through the whole song before she is sleeping soundly . After a week of sickness , Abby has been through the wringer , and so tonight , as I sought to ease her pain and calm her tired mind I laid her in her bed , covered her up , and turned on " Lullaby " . I rubbed her tummy as your voice filled the room and she soon settled into a peaceful sleep . Abby has been in the " look at me " stage for quite some time now - so long that I 'm beginning to wonder if it is a stage after all . Even the simplest of tasks will trigger a , " Watch me , Mom ! " Usually , I will " ooh " and " ahh " , as is expected of me , and we move on . Tonight , Abby decided that she wanted to do some coloring . This time she wanted to make sure that I paid attention , so she climbed up on my lap and colored away . She told me to watch her and I did , suitably impressed by how well she was doing . At one point she said , " Look Mom , see how I 'm inside the lines , " and she was - inside the lines I mean . I was being completely honest when I told her how proud I was of her and how well she was doing . When she was finished she held it up to me and said , " Ta - Da ! " It was adorable . I loved how she punctuated her hard work with that wonderful exclamation . It drew attention to the work she 'd done , and allowed me to acknowledge her performance . It made me wonder why we all don 't do that more often . There are many days when I would love to yell out to someone , " Hey , watch me ! " as I do regular mundane tasks throughout the day . So , I 've come to a conclusion . I 'm going to take a page from Abby 's book . I 'm going to start " Ta - Da " - ing my way through the day . When I finish a sink full of dishes - Ta - Da ! When I make a meal - Ta - Da ! When I write a lesson plan - Ta - Da ! I think we all should do that , what a fun way to get some much needed encouragement . Isn 't Abby smart ? Feeling sorry for her , since she is still battling a sour tummy , I caved when she asked to paint . She did a great job of containingthe mess - to herself . By the end she was rather colorful - too bad you can 't reallysee the red paint that got in her hair . There you have it - tonight 's post . The plan today was that we would pack up and head out for a nice extended weekend at the family cottage . We were all looking forward to it . Frankly , we are in desperate need of some family time away . Abby was excited about the prospect of swimming in the lake , Jason was looking forward to some fishing and boating , and I was excited about a change of scenery . The fact that we haven 't been to the cottage all year made us all the more anxious to get there . Abby started our day early , she was raring to go at 6 a . m . , but she seemed to still have a sour stomach . We made the plan that we would spend the morning straightening up the house , getting some laundry done , and then maybe head out in the afternoon , if Abby was feeling better . Unfortunately , as the day went on she didn 't seem to be getting better . Mid - morning , when she had an accident , we were very thankful that we hadn 't decided to do the three hour drive to the cottage , now that would have been horrible . We changed our plans and began talking about things we might be able to do around home , if we never did get Up North . You might think with the delay , and possible cancellation , of our family get - away we 'd be bummed , that the mood around the house would mirror the rainy , dreary weather of the day , but it didn 't . We actually had a very nice day . We were able to get some work done around the house ( which felt really good ) , and find time to relax as well . Abby was in a great mood , despite everything , and enjoyed a low - key day of playing . Once again we are learning that it pays to be flexible . We have always been dog people . There have been very few years that we 've been married that we didn 't have a dog . Over the years we & . . . It has been quite a while since my last post . Life continues to be all kinds of crazy and days have a way of giving way to the next . Soon we . . . Once upon a time , not that long ago , a puppy was born . He was a sweet puppy with great big paws and beautiful golden eyes . Despite the gentl . . . |
This book may be unsuitable for people under 17 years of age due to its use of sexual content , drug and alcohol use , and / or violence . Wide Open by Shelly Crane Published by Self - Published on 7th January 2014 Genres : Issues , New Adult Pages : 259 Format : eARC Source : Author Buy on Amazon US • Buy on Amazon UK Goodreads Milo is trouble . He lives it , breathes it . He embraces anything that numbs and takes his mind somewhere else , a world where his mother is herself and not just a shell , and his brother didn 't almost kill her , severing any relationship they had . But more importantly , Milo drowns out the guilt for leaving his mother and not being able to forgive his brother . He drowns his pride and moves on to another girl and another party , pretending that life isn 't moving on around him and he 's stuck in the same place . He 's stuck in the past and doesn 't know how to let go . She 's done the party scene and has had her fair share of close calls and handcuffs . Not the kinky kind . She 's so over it all and fought like hell for that life to let go so she could move on . She now works as a teen counselor . Her life is better , but her life is empty . She has no one but her brother in the whole world left and he 's sick with a disease that no medicine can cure . When they meet , a romance that scares them both emerges , but the love you fight for is the love that can mend bridges , heal scars , and open closed hearts . They 'll need each other , they 'll want each other , they 'll have each other . But will it all come too late ? My mouth tasted like vomit . That wasn 't unusual . The arm creeping over my middle wasn 't unusual either nor the way I felt completely repulsed and sick . I worked so hard , drinking , doing any drug that I could get my hands on , sleeping with any girl that looked in my direction and didn 't slap me for my foul mouth as I told her all the things I wanted to do to her . Slurred , really . I knew it wouldn 't be long until Mason was there to pick me up . The small get - togethers , he wouldn 't get wind of , but the big ones , he always came and tried to save me . It had been about a month since I 'd seen him . He just didn 't get it . I didn 't want to be saved . I hated him . I hated him with every fiber of my being for what he did to Mom . I couldn 't stand to look at him let alone live with the bastard . So I started going out all the time just to get away from him , only seeing Mom during the day when I skipped school and Mason was at work . But she never remembered me the right way , so it was pointless to keep seeing her . I just tortured myself by staying there and I wouldn 't feel guilty for leaving . Finally , I spent so much time away that it felt like I didn 't live there anyway and stopped going home . Mason texted me so much that I eventually just tossed my cell out of the window of my friend 's car one night . They laughed and laughed , whooping and telling me how free I was . We smoked enough dope to chill for the next day and a half . I never went back to school after that . I never went back home either . Why would I ? No one understood me , no one really cared about me . They all just wanted me to ' make something of myself ' . But how can you do that when you don 't even know the parts that make you up , the parts that make you you , the parts that piece together and make you feel whole . I hadn 't felt whole in a really long time . I felt older than I was . I may be a seventeen year old , but inside I felt like I was fifty . I leaned over the side of the bed and lifted my phone from my pants pocket . My new cell was dead . " Don 't know . Does it matter ? " I started to get up , but she grabbed my arm . I winced at the burn on the inside of my elbow . I looked down at it , seeing the bruising from the needles under her finger tips . " Wait . Why so eager to get away ? " She rolled over on her stomach , her naked behind peeking out from the sheet , her feet swinging back and forth in the air . " You weren 't so eager to leave earlier . " " Sometimes they are . Sometimes it just doesn 't matter . " She watched as I zipped my jeans , commando . " I 'll cook you breakfast , " she bribed . I paused . I couldn 't even remember the last time I 'd eaten . I was so thin that I had to belt my pants to keep them up . I always crashed wherever I was or with a friend , ate whatever came my way , but sometimes it didn 't come very often . For all intents and purposes , I was homeless , but had yet to sleep outside . " Split it with me , " she said , biting her lip and sitting to let the sheet fall away . I stared at her chest since she was offering the view . She slithered up to me , unzipping my pants as she pressed her lips to my ear and said , " Come back to bed for a while , we 'll hit the blow , and after , I 'll make you some eggs . " I watched as she took the baggie from me with her fake nails . She leaned forward and kissed my cheek before dipping her pinkie nail in and sniffing the little she took up her nose . She put her finger back in the bag and I took it , rubbing what was left of the powder on my gums . The door opened and my head fuzzed over as I turned to look at him . His eyes locked on mine before he turned away , but not before I saw the disgust on his face . I gripped the girls hips to make her stop since someone coming into the room wasn 't a clear enough cue for her . I pushed her off onto the bed and sat up , scooting to the edge . " You do , Milo , " he said before turning . He looked and he saw all there was left of me . I suddenly felt like I was wide open for him to see it all , for him to see all the rot and gore inside me . He shook his head , his eyes searching my face . " God , help me . You do need me . " " Milo … when 's the last time you ate something ? " He rubbed his hair . I noticed how good he looked . He looked like he 'd gained some weight , the good kind . His arms and torso were bigger , new tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeves . I realized it had been weeks since I 'd seen him . " Milo ! " he scolded , just as a hand crawled around his arm . The girl - his girl - looked around him , the sympathy pouring off her in droves as she looked at me . He touched her arm , his fingers caressing , smoothing . He looked back at me . " Don 't use that filthy mouth with Emma here . " She gulped as she looked at me . Her eyes lingered on my stomach before she looked up at my face . She smiled , just barely . " I 've got some hot coffee in the car if you like mocha , " she offered . He looked at her again as she came to his side . They barely fit in the doorframe together . He circled her waist with his arm , looking strung out and guilty . It angered me that he felt like he deserved her or anything else that would make him happy . " Trying to lure me out with hot coffee , " I mused angrily . " Wow , Mason . Getting the girl to do your dirty work for you . " She rubbed his chest and he sighed . He looked at me again , renewed determination in his eyes . " Let us take you to get some food at least . Anything you want . " " No . " I searched for my shirt and tugged it on roughly . I realized it was inside - out too late , but left it . I didn 't care . " Come on , Milo . You can still hate me , but do it while you 're eating something . " I gave him a droll look . " Milo … you look like hell , bro . " He begged me . He had never begged before , just ordered me around , dragging me to my room , and then I 'd sneak out before he woke up . He 'd never tried to feed me before . She smiled and tilted her head . I sighed , sticking my dirty - socked feet inside my boots without tying them . " Whatever . I eat , then I 'm out . " I looked over at them and glared . " Don 't try to stop me from leaving . " " We won 't , " she insisted . She rubbed Mason 's arm and looked up at him sadly . She looked as if she were about to cry . I had no idea why . It couldn 't be for me . I didn 't even know this chick . I lead the way from the room . The girl I 'd left on the bed yelled something at us . I could tell she was mad , not understanding what was going on , but I just kept walking . I was pissed , really , because she had gotten my last hit and I hadn 't gotten off before Mason interrupted us . Mason 's car wasn 't parked on the street . I looked for it , but blondie passed me and went to a big truck in the driveway . He got a new truck ? How the heck did he have money for that ? I didn 't say a word as I climbed into the backseat . She handed me the coffee and I snatched it from her hands , tossing the lid off , and gulping it down . It burned my tongue and lips , but my fogged brain was past the point of caring or stopping . As I finished it , I watched as she scooted all the way over to press against his side . They whispered things back and forth that I couldn 't hear . The drive was short . Blondie had been right about that . We piled into a booth in the back , them on one side and me on the other , and I didn 't even pick up the menu . It pissed me off just smelling the food . My stomach growled so loud and hard it hurt . I was cold and rubbed my neck . When the waitress came , I ordered a root beer and a western omelet with cheese and hashbrowns . Mason ordered the same and the girl got waffles . Before an awkward silence could settle in , she started talking . " I 'm Emma , by the way . " She smiled . I stared at their intertwined hands on the tabletop . Mason had never had a girlfriend before , really . He wasn 't the touchy - feely type either . I was oddly fascinated at the way his thumb ran over her knuckles , over and over . She was one of those girls who was gorgeous by design and didn 't even have to try . Her eyes , her nose , her cheeks . They all seemed to fit so perfectly . Her lips - they were Mason 's favorite thing , other than her legs , which I knew were his absolute favorite . He 'd always been a legs man . And she had some nice twigs on her , from what I 'd seen . I settled my eyes lower on the barely - there sliver of cleavage that peeked from her top . It was the first time I 'd seen a girl blush in what felt like years . The girls I kept company with didn 't blush . They were beyond that point , beyond the level that allowed them to feel embarrassed about sexual things . They 'd done it all . I was actually taken aback a little . This was as worked up as I 'd ever seen him . And over a girl of all things ? Holy crap . He was in love with this chick . I felt my hatred soften a little before snapping it back in place . I rubbed my neck again on that itchy , cold spot . I laughed . It sounded strange even to my ears . It sounded like a sick person 's laugh . I glanced at Emma and actually felt a little bad at the embarrassed way she tucked her hair behind her ears . I squinted . Was there a story there that I didn 't know ? I didn 't respond to the beauty queen . I just pointlessly stirred my root beer . She was beautiful to the point of distraction , sweet and annoying all wrapped up in one , and I could tell that she had my brother wrapped around her finger whether she knew it or not . And he was , I could tell . He watched her when she wasn 't looking . His entire presence shifted when she did . The waitress brought our food soon thankfully , and just as I was taking a bite , I saw the ring on Emma 's finger . Emma pulled her hands off the table into her lap , as if unsure if I was supposed to know that . Mason lifted his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close , kissing her temple . It shocked the hell out of me how much I wanted to be happy for him . " She has a nurse that comes and helps take care of her . I work with her every day on her exercises , but she still can 't walk . She and Emma get along great , too . Emma was one of my patients and lost her memory as well . " I jerked my gaze up to the beauty queen . She was watching me with parted lips , her eyes practically begging me to give in to Mason and stop the feud . I wondered if she knew what Mason had done , how Mason had - Mason leaned forward and glared as he barked , " Don 't look at her like that . And yes , I told her all about me . How I 'm the devil that destroyed your life and Mamma 's . How I killed my best friend . " She gripped his arm , tugging on it and pleading with him to stop . " She knows it all . " " You couldn 't make me , " I spat . I stood and leaned right in his face with my palms on the table . " Always trying to run my life . Good ol ' Mason . " I saw him flinch slightly at that . He stood , too , licking his lips angrily in an attempt to calm himself . " I hate you so much . You killed our mother . " People in the restaurant were now privy to our conversation , but I went even louder . " What she is isn 't alive ! When she doesn 't even remember me ? " " Not remembering you at all , " Emma said , barely . She looked up , her eyes dark . " When I woke up from my coma , I didn 't remember anyone . Not my parents , or my friends , even the guy I had been dating . I still don 't . " Mason sighed as if all of this was exhausting . " It could be worse , Milo . She could not remember you at all . " " Doesn 't matter , " I steamed ahead , unwilling to let them deter me . " The fact is that you ruined my mom . It 's pointless to even go see her because she won 't remember that I 've been there . " I turned to go , scratching my cold neck and feeling the rawness of my skin begin to set in . He grabbed my arm and before I knew it , I was looking at Mason holding his jaw as he leaned back against the table . Emma fussed over the blood coming from his lip with insistent ministrations with a napkin . I hadn 't even realized I hit him until my hand started to ache . The entire diner was watching us with these looks of disgust on their faces . Well , they were watching me . I shook out my fingers , wincing but not regretting it . I turned to go once more and heard Mason from behind me . " I love you , bro . " That stopped me in my tracks . I didn 't turn around . " I love you and I know that you won 't ever forgive me . It took me a long time to forgive me , too . I would still hate me if Emma hadn 't come along and showed me that I couldn 't blame myself forever . It was an accident , nothing but . I not only lost my best friend that day because he wouldn 't listen to me and drove anyway , and my mom , the way she was , but I lost you , too . I take care of Mom ; I became a physical therapist to take care of her . But you , I don 't know what to do for you , Milo . I don 't know how to help you . If you ever need anything or want to come home , the door 's always wide open . Always . I love you , even if you can 't love me back . " I hated him . I hated all he 'd done . I hated how he tried to reconcile every time I saw him . And I hated that he was getting this great , perfect little life with a wife and kids . I didn 't look back again as I weaved through the tables on my way out . He yelled my name and something about giving me some money . I should have taken it and would have had it been anyone else . But I didn 't want his money . I walked for a long time to a friend 's apartment over the Irish Mug bar . Not only would he let me crash , but more than likely he had some smoke he 'd front me . After Mason 's little haphazard intervention , I needed it . I crossed the street to the bar and heard the honking before seeing the bright lights . I raised my hand and saw the car screeching to a stop right in front of me . He cursed and honked . I flipped him off and kept walking across the road . I heard him peel away as I climbed the stairs on the side of the building for his apartment . The bar was hopping , the music was so loud I couldn 't even hear my footsteps up the stairs . I knocked , but knew he couldn 't hear me , so I tried the handle . When it turned , I pushed it open . He had called me a few times , but I never checked my messages . My phone was just a drug ferry basically . I never used it except for making a drug buy or find a friend 's how to stay at because minutes cost too much for someone who never had money . I had odd jobs sometimes , but after you don 't show up on time for a few days in a row , they can you . That was the only way I could buy minutes and buy weed on a regular basis . But usually , I floated until my next paycheck , whenever that may be , and some friends would front me some things if I didn 't have the money . But I was a little behind right now and owed a few people . OK , a lot of people , and a lot of money . Even my friend I was going to see had threatened to cut me off if I didn 't pay him something . I usually just avoided the ones I owed money to . Nikko 's place was dark and I couldn 't hear anything but the noise below us . I turned the corner to find him on the couch , some girl on his lap . I turned around to keep her naked behind out of my sight . I heard him curse . " Sorry , uh … " I peeked back , but it was still too soon and turned back around . " I wanted to see if I could crash here . " " Damn it , Milo … " He kissed her , I heard the smacking , and told her he 'd see her later , that he needed to take care of something . She walked by me and gave me a sullen look for ruining her night . I turned to find him pulling a black wife - beater on . " Dude , you can 't just come in like that . " He sighed . " There 's nothing wrong with getting lit on the weekends and making a living off of selling , but you … you 're not just having fun anymore . You 're hooked . You 're hooked , messing with deals you shouldn 't , and people are looking for you . " He took a step forward , but looked at me sadly . " I tried to help you . I knew you had it rough at home , but … you can 't stay here , man . Go . " " I can 't . " He gulped and leaned against the kitchen bar . " Mikey 's looking for you . And … so is Roz . Go . Now . " But I needed a place to stay and I needed … something , anything to make me stop shaking and scratching . It felt like ants were in my veins and he needed to give me something . " Fine , " I bit out . " Just … float me a J . " He looked around , nervous as all get out . My brain was in a fog . I didn 't care if I slept on a bench outside . My friends usually came through for me , but lately they seemed less eager to let me stay . So fine , he could throw me out as long as he gave me something to tie me over . " I 'm good for it . My brother said he 'd give me some money until I get back on my feet . I 've got a job lined up starting next week , " I lied . " It 's just … been bad lately . I 'm under so much stress . " " Classic druggie line , " he scoffed . " Get out , Milo . The longer you stay here , the worst you 're making it for me . " We heard a car door outside and he sucked in a breath . " Go , man , now ! " I went to the window and peeked past the dingy blue curtain that the previous tenant had left and saw one of the guys who always set up my buys from Roz . I shook my head , backing away , and looked at him to help me . " Go out the back . And don 't say I never did anything for you , " he growled and went to the front door . " Go ! " He didn 't wait for anything else . His fist connected to my jaw and I heard the crunch , knowing it was hurt tomorrow , as I went down . He followed me and gripped my collar in his fist before slamming my cheek with his free fist . He beat on me for so long and hard all over that I blacked out . I came out of it a couple times , but it was so blurry and the haze of pain was thick . I could never grasp onto reality . No time passed at all for me . I closed my eyes and the next time I opened them , I was in a hospital bed . No one was there with me . It was a regular room , not the ER . I lifted my head to survey the damage and immediately regretted that hasty decision . My head hurt so badly , I thought I might black out again . I pushed with my elbows and made myself sit up . I touched my head to find a bandage , my eye was swollen , my lips all busted up , and my jaw was so sore , it hurt to even touch it , let alone try to open my mouth . Right then , that was the only thing that truly mattered . I had rolled over on Roz . I owed so much money to so many people , but none of that mattered compared to the fact that I told the cops Roz 's operating spots and their names and everything . He was going to kill me . I had no idea how long I 'd been in the hospital and the lack of drugs made me way more lucid than the drug - induced stages I usually resided in . There wasn 't any morphine in that drip because I hurt all over so badly , I thought I might vomit . The fact that they hadn 't given me any morphine made me realize that they knew I was a … drug addict . There , OK , yes , if I didn 't get drugs every day , I felt like I 'd crawl out of my own skin . So , yes , I was addicted . And they knew it because they hadn 't given me anything to help with the pain . It hit me all at once as I yanked the needle out of my arm how bad things had gotten . I 'd ran myself into the ground . It had been way too long since I hadn 't had anything in my system and my hands shook as I eased off the bed onto the floor . I tried to yank the hospital band off , but I was too weak . The name on the band read John Doe . So they didn 't know who I was . I pulled on my jeans from the back under the bed . My body ached so bad all over , but I knew I had to get out of there . Once all my clothes were on , I peeked out the blinds to see an officer standing by my room . I cursed under my breath . That was probably the only reason the Roz hadn 't come after me . But the cops wanted me for something , and I could guess it was for me to roll over on Roz . They didn 't just guard anybody ; only the people who they wanted something from . I pushed the food cart to slam into the bed and then jumped behind the door . When he opened it , like I knew he would , I waited until he came into the room . He cursed and moved forward , bending to look under the bed . I scooted behind him around the door and acted as normal as I could as I walked down the hall . I heard him on his radio as he said that the suspect was missing . Then he argued with them that he 'd been by the door the whole time . I turned into the first stairwell I saw and took them as quickly as I could . I heard them coming from the lower floor and stopped . I could hear the crackle of a radio , so I jumped through the door with a peeling number four on it . I sat and looked at the envelope . It had the results of my GED exam . Finally , I was going to have a piece of paper that told me I had finished high school instead of just dropping out and being a runaway . I flipped it over and over in my fingers . It wasn 't like this was an application into Harvard or anything . It was a GED , but it was my GED . It was all I had . Joey had been my friend for a long time now . It felt like forever , but had actually only been a little shy of two years . Joey worked at the shelter that I crawled into a few nights after I left the hospital . I hitchhiked for two days , sometimes with a ride , sometimes walking or sitting on the side of the road . I was starving , so weak I could barely walk , dehydrated except for a bottle of water a trucker gave me . They pulled me into the shelter at the church in some town . Joey was the one who made sure I got a bed in the shelter that night and for the next two months while I tried to straighten myself out . There were many bumps in the road . I still wasn 't sure exactly how many days the hospital had kept me , because I hadn 't know even what day it was when I went in , but the detox had begun then . I struggled with it , but had already gotten through some of the hard part . They made it clear that drugs would not be allowed in the shelter and anyone on drugs after the rules had been explained would be removed . To be completely honest , I fell hard off that wagon once or twice . I couldn 't believe how hard it was . That first pill or sip or hit after days and days of not having anything was like pure ecstasy , my body betraying me and making me believe it was what I needed and wanted . But Joey came and got me from wherever I was , yelled and told me how I needed to get straight , snuck me back into the shelter and made me promise never to do it again . Finally , that promise stuck . It 's been over a year since that wagon had caused any problems for me . About Shelly CraneShelly is a New York Times & USA Today bestselling author from a small town in Georgia and loves everything about the south . She is wife to a fantastical husband and stay at home mom to two boisterous and mischievous boys who keep her on her toes . They currently reside in scorching North Florida . She loves to spend time with her family , binge on candy corn , go out to eat at new restaurants , buy paperbacks at little bookstores , sight - see in the new areas they travel to , listen to music everywhere and also LOVES to read . Shelly is a New York Times & USA Today bestselling author from a small town in Georgia and loves everything about the south . She is wife to a fantastical husband and stay at home mom to two boisterous and mischievous boys who keep her on her toes . They currently reside in scorching North Florida . She loves to spend time with her family , binge on candy corn , go out to eat at new restaurants , buy paperbacks at little bookstores , sight - see in the new areas they travel to , listen to music everywhere and also LOVES to read . Please take a moment to read our review policy . You 'll find all of the details about what to expect from us and our reviews . You 'll also be able to find out what genres we read and how you can contact us . |
PART ONE Shelly had finally decided to leave . She had at last got up the gumption to move in with her boyfriend , Michael . They had been going with each other for almost a year , and for some months he 'd been wanting them to move in together . But she was frightened too much domesticity could ruin the romance . Then she came home one day and told me she 'd been talking to a friend of hers who was from the 70s ' living in sin ' generation , who told her simply that " living with your man is wonderful " . I was happy for her , of course . But once she had gone I was staring at empty walls . I put the TV on , but then the inane sound of its happy voices forced me to switch it off again . I had moved in with Shelly - Michelle - five years before , when I first left school and came to Brisbane from Toowoomba to study at the University of Queensland . She was living in a little flat in Taringa , part of an old house that had been divided up . It was only a couple of suburbs away from the uni , so convenient for me to get to my lectures . I was pleased - very relieved - for the offer , as it made moving to the big city easier . Shelly was happy to take her little brother in , but I guess the time comes when we all must move on . " We 'll still come ' round for a drink and a larf , " she said . That made me feel a little less alone , only I feared the visits might not last . " But you should take in a flatmate , Nick , " she continued . I nodded reluctantly ; I supposed I would have to . I couldn 't manage the flat on my own , not on my librarian wages . It was my first year out of uni and I was working at the City Library . I was happy to get a job so quickly , but library work doesn 't pay well . So I went up there one day and gave a note to the Union office person . She pinned it up on the ' To Rent ' board and wrote the information in her book . That was it . I sat at home and waited for the telephone to ring . I imagined an array of young students traipsing through the place , commenting on this and that , and generally poking around my home . The thought of some unknown moving into my flat and calling it home was pretty scary . " Of course you could move out of this flat and into a shared flat yourself , " Shelly offered one day . Yeah , I suppose I could . But I just kept sitting at home watching the phone , and watching my bank account go down . It was autumn , mid - semester , so few students were moving house at that time . I was beginning to enjoy the flat on my own . When I 'd come home after work and close the door the outside world disappeared . The flat became my castle . I would set the kettle boiling , then settle down to a cuppa and a nice long novel , which often ended in a nap . After waking and yawning , I 'd potter around working on various hobbies , and even started dabbling in some writing again , which I used to do when I was still at school . " There 's this guy at work " - Shelly worked at the university - " who has just moved to Brisbane . He is starting in the History Department next semester and is looking for somewhere to live . Jeremy 's his name . He seems a nice enough guy , " she assured me . " In fact , he 's very bloody gorgeous . " I was so mad at her . But she hung up as if the whole issue were settled . I should have rung her back , I know , but I also knew that would have got me nowhere . My big sister had decided , so that was that . Michelle walked around the flat as if it were still hers . He followed her , nodding as he did so , which meant I guess that he liked the flat . We sat down to a coffee that Shelly made , and attempted to talk , Shelly doing most of the chat . He gave me a little smile as she talked away . Finally she asked what both of us thought . Jeremy said he was happy and would like to move in , if it was OK with me . He was smallish , fine boned , not very tall . Well , he was shorter than me , but then I 'm six foot . My stomach felt full of kangaroos rather than butterflies , but there was little else I could do - I had no money . I guess he didn 't look too hostile , so I nodded an OK . He moved in the next week . I politely helped him transfer his things from the car to the flat , the little there was , and then retreated to my own room . He calmly unpacked his bags , whistling softly . When he was finished he came to my room and knocked quietly . " I think I 'll go try out the kitchen . Would you like a coffee ? " he said . I followed him out and showed him where things were . The kitchen was open , connected to the lounge room . I started to make the coffee but he insisted he make it and I sit down . So I did , feeling very conspicuous being waited on by a stranger in my own home . " No . I want to thank you . For letting me into your world , " he said and he smiled a cute little smile . We chatted haltingly . He seemed , yeah , OK . After our coffee we went to our separate rooms . The first weekend he spent in my flat he stayed at home . I was hoping he 'd go out , but he watched TV and was sort of just hanging out . I felt oppressed , constantly aware of his presence . The next Friday night I forced myself to ask him if he was going out . " I don 't know where to go . I 've only just moved up from Sydney ; I don 't know Brisbane . Do you have any ideas ? " Me ? " I don 't really know Brisbane much either . I grew up in Toowoomba . I was student here , but … I didn 't ever really get out into the night spots . " He suggested we go there . We ? How about he go and buy a pizza and bring it back ? Anything to give me a tiny bit of space . But I didn 't suggest that , I just shrugged again . So we went . St Lucia has a small cafe area that goes for about two blocks . Fasta Pasta sits on the nearest corner . It was only a ten - minute drive away . I thought we would simply buy a take - way , but Jeremy immediately sat at a table . I reluctantly sat down with him . He smiled that smile . It seemed to slowly develop , curling irresistibly at the sides of his mouth , then invade his whole face . Somehow it made me feel calmer . " I spent a lot of my time playing sport , " he said . " Just to be part of the crowd . I didn 't really enjoy the crowd , just sort of … did it . I didn 't think of staying home instead . " After we finished the meal he paid for it , which was very nice of him . We got home in time to watch MIDSOMER MURDERS . I had started watching that show on my own after Shelly left . I would turn the lights out and slowly drink some wine . Once the show started I felt the need to have the lights out again . I suggested it , in what I hoped was a light - hearted way . Jeremy didn 't seem to think it was weird . So we did . He happily shared the wine and enjoyed the show with me , sitting in the dark in the chair next to me , the light of the TV silhouetting his face . " It 's meant to be part time but I 've almost got a full - time teaching load , which includes tutoring in the various history courses . Whew , I 'm so lucky . Most universities only seem to teach economics these days , let alone any history , let alone my history . " " At Sydney Uni . Not many places have Medieval or Renaissance history . But I just love it . Ah ! Fantastic period . I fantasize about it . " We both chuckled . Yeah , I guess so . " Do you fantasize about Ancient History ? " he asked . I just smiled at him . " That 's a great period to fantasize over too , " he said , and chuckled . " Librarian work . It 's safe . I mean … " He seemed to be searching for the right thing to say . " It 's more reliable , a safer option . " " Well , yeah . " Safer than travelling to the Pacific Islands , or the Mediterranean , alone , just me . " And working out in the Northern Territory didn 't really attract me . " " But hey , why not do it still ? There 's a grad dip in Archaeology at UQ . Why not go for it ? You 've got your library quals now to fall back on . " " The fear is taking the risk , " he continued . " It 's hard , I know . I learnt in my last year of school to take the risk . Bloody hard . Terrifying . But in the end I 'm glad I did it . Better than staying in the space I was in . " We ate in silence , he looking off into his past . I wasn 't game to ask questions . But he soon jolted himself out of it and turned back to me . It was Jeremy . Uncontrollably I broke into a wide grin and he returned it with his elvish smile . " If you greet all your customers beaming like that , " he said , " you must be the most popular library in Brisbane . " I blushed and tried to look away , but couldn 't keep myself from looking back . " Now Nicko , I have the afternoon off , so thought I 'd drop by and see what you get up to when I 'm away . While I 'm here , I wonder if you have any light novels set in Renaissance Italy , and not The Da Vinci Code . Ugh ! " I helped him search for some novels , although it is hard to find novels on a particular subject . But he seemed just happy to browse , and he spent hours there , wandering about the library . When it was time for my afternoon tea we went out together and had coffee in a nearby cafe . " It 's small , and nice and peaceful and quiet compared to sprawling , smoggy , sooty Sydney . Yes , I think I 'm going to like it here , " he said . He was still grinning at me as he said it . I turned my face and looked into the sunshine , closing my eyes and letting it wash over me . The next day I sat up in bed and looked out the window . It faces east , so I usually have the thick curtains drawn tight to shut out the invasive morning sun , but this morning I pulled the curtains open and let the light flood in . It fell across my bed inviting me to a warm , sunny and carefree Saturday morning . I stretched , and took a long deep breath . I was happy . It caught me by surprise , but I was actually looking forward to spending the day just hanging out with Jeremy . Thoughts of corny all - American - boys ' stories of blood brothers and kindred spirits came to mind . I laughed at the silly notion , but I was still happy . Over the next few weekends we tried different restaurants , and movie shows , then Jeremy said he wanted to try a night - club in the city . Once in there I grabbed a cocktail I didn 't know anything about and sat at the table with Jeremy . The noise whirled around me and the yelling of people speaking over the top of it seemed to reverberate in my ears . And there were so many people . Happy boys and girls dancing and laughing . And sad boys and girls yelling and screaming . Either way , there were boys and girls who were used to this and who came here every week and who knew what to do and who weren 't sitting there clutching their drink and feeling sick . Jeremy stayed with me . He didn 't peer around searching for other people to talk to or dance with , he kept focused on me . At one stage he patted my hand . He must have seen how uncomfortable I felt . The warmth of his touch in contrast to the coldness I felt from the strangers in the room was like a thick blanket being wrapped around me . I smiled at him . I tried to pretend I was OK , but he asked , " Want to go home ? " I nodded . On the way home I thanked him . " That 's … not really my thing , those places . I … " He watched me for a while . He looked a little confused at first , but then gave a little smile . Once at home he poured me a drink , but I declined it . " I really think I might just go off to bed , " and I headed down to my room . He stood in the lounge room watching me , still holding the wine glass . The next Friday I came home after the heaviest of days at work , and collapsed onto the couch . Jeremy wasn 't home yet , for the house was quiet except for the drone of traffic in the background . If Jeremy had been home the house would have had some music playing , or the TV on . Never just nothing . I enjoyed the peace . I grabbed a cup of Milo and my book and sat down in the quiet of the lounge room . But I soon drifted off to sleep . I knew Jeremy would wake me once he came home by immediately switching on something electronic , without even knowing I was there . " Oh , sorry man , " I could just hear him say . But I didn 't ever hear it . I awoke about two hours later . The sun had set and the flat was in darkness . Jeremy must not have been home yet . In my erratic and confused thinking on first waking , I felt a sudden fear pierce me that something must have happened to him . A car accident . The fear woke me immediately . With a clearer head I realized he was probably working late or doing research in the library . Or maybe he had gone out without me . Na . Who would he have gone with ? I sat up and rubbed my eyes open , then fumbled my way to the kitchen and flicked on the light . . The fear was still in my stomach that something horrible had happened to him . I couldn 't eradicate the spectre of staring down at his white , unmoving , unbreathing face , with his eyelids closed over those dark brown eyes . I shook my head to release the image . He 'd be back soon . I wanted to switch on the TV just to fill the silence . The remote control lay on the bench which separated the lounge room from the kitchen . I reached over to grab it , and saw Jeremy 's ID card lying next to it , where he always puts it when he is at home . Had he forgotten it in the morning ? He would have come home to get it if he had , surely . We only lived fifteen minutes from the uni . I went to his room , trying to walk slowly . If he was home that was great , then he was all right . Yes , I should be pleased . Yes , I was , but … why had he not woken me ? I knocked on his door . No answer . I knocked a little louder . Still nothing . I eased open the door . I would just peek inside to see if perhaps he was asleep too . The light from the hallway showed me inside his room . I saw the messy , opened - drawer look of someone who had hastily changed his clothes . His blue striped shirt , the one I remembered clearly he had worn in the morning , lay discarded on the bed . His trousers were in a heap on the floor , just above his work shoes . His wardrobe door was open . He had gone out . He had come in while I slept , changed his clothes , and left again , without me . At least he had shown the decency not to switch on the TV while I slept . Which meant he knew I was there . Which meant he knew he was going out without me . Who was he with ? Why did he think I would prefer to sleep rather than go out with him ? Didn 't he want to go out with me ? I wandered back to the darkened lounge room and slumped into the chair , and stared at Jeremy 's ID card . I told myself I should go out too . But where ? Maybe I could go and see Shelly , but she 'd probably be out with Michael , or , worse still , in . I ended up sitting glumly watching TV , with the light out , drinking beer . I started to feel drunk . I ordered a pizza but couldn 't eat it all on my own . I hid the remains of it in the back of the fridge . I moved on to drinking wine , and watched the foreign films on SBS . I didn 't want to go to bed . The bedrooms seemed too quiet and lonely . I stayed up , feeling angry , and feeling stupid for feeling angry . Eventually I heard him coming home . I snapped off the TV , raced to clear up the mess , switched off the lights and headed to my bed . I lay awake , eyes wide open , staring into the darkness , listening . No sound - the silence was smothering me . Eventually I heard his key rattle , scrape , and the door squeak open . I heard his footsteps , him putting his keys down , something dumped on a chair - his jumper - and then him whistling . Whistling ! A stumble , a giggle , a burp . Footsteps , a bump , a door open , silence . Then the splash of his urine against the porcelain of the toilet . I buried my head under the bedclothes , but strained with my inner ears . The splashing stopped . Flushing , running water from a tap . Footsteps , then humming . He was humming ! Then I heard his bedroom door open and close . A click , then a small amount of light filtered into my room from underneath his closed door . He was being considerate enough - again - not to wake me by flashing a blinding incandescent light into my face . I twisted around in bed all night , worried about my possible hangover , worried about why I was so upset over this . Because I knew no - one else to spend the evening with ? Had he only been spending time with me because he was new in town , and now he had stretched his wings and was going out with others , friends from his work ? Or a woman ? That only made me feel lonelier . Here I was clinging to some sort of adolescent best - buddies friendship while he was out mating , as any adult would . What could he have thought of me ? In the morning I was hideously embarrassed about how I had reacted the previous night , and about my hangover . My head felt like it had been sat on by an elephant , and I knew that if I moved too much I might want to throw up . What would I tell the party boy ? Through the haze of my headache , I heard him whistling again . How could he ? Why was he so happy when I wasn 't ? It made my stomach curl up into a tiny knotted ball . Everything felt gloomy and depressing . His whistle grew louder ; suddenly it was inside my room and he stood in front of me , his dressing gown hanging open showing his smooth chest and boxer shorts . I peered up at him through my half - closed lids . He had that twinkly look in his eyes and that impish grin . Suddenly I hated him for it . " Hello there , sleepy head . God , you were sleeping when I left you last night , sleeping when I got home , and sleeping now . " He sat down on the bed , a concerned look on his face . " Are you OK ? " He peered into my face , those brown eyes looking unflinchingly at me . A streak of sunlight sneaked through my drawn curtains and cast a line of yellow - gold around his face . I closed my eyes . I was so happy to see him , yet angry for what he had put me through . " Just out with some friends , " and he flicked his hand to dismiss the question . " But what about you ? " He reached out a hand and touched it to my forehead . God ! Nobody had done that to me since I was about eight ! I automatically flinched . He drew his hand back quickly . " No , no , it 's OK . " I suddenly wanted to feel the touch of his hand on my skin again . But he didn 't do it again . Instead he moved back a little , his eyes avoiding mine . " No . " I gingerly shook my head . " It didn 't . " Well , it didn 't ! " I felt a little off - colour when I came home . " A lie . " And since you 'd ditched me for someone else , " I said in as jocular manner as I could manage , " I thought I 'd drown my sorrows in beer , but it just made me feel worse . " I had expected him to grin and punch me in the shoulder . But he didn 't . He just gave a little embarrassed laugh . And then the silence descended on us . " Don 't go out again , " I called with the same joking tone I had used before . " Don 't leave me again . " But he just gave that same absent laugh and continued walking down the hall . So I was abandoned again , with a raging hangover and a lie standing between us . I felt I was unravelling . I slowly made my way out of the bed and down to the lounge room . He was sitting at the dining table eating his breakfast . I collapsed into a lounge chair and tried again to ask him where he had been last night . " Some friends from work ? " He so obviously didn 't want to talk about it that I had to drop it . So he had friends , other friends , apart from me . I regarded him for a while . He kept his head bent over his breakfast plate during the whole conversation . His ruffled reddy - brown hair hung in a loose moptop obscuring his face . I drew in a quick , deep breath , then dragged myself out of the chair and went into the bathroom to start a shower . Jeremy 's underpants were lying half in and half out of the dirty clothes basket - probably where they landed last night when he was wandering around in the dark getting ready for bed . I picked them up to throw them in and I caught a familiar whiff . Ammonia ? No ! I quickly chucked them in the basket . So he had been out with a woman last night . Why was he so secretive about that ? And why was I feeling so stupid about it ? I stood there with the shower running , letting valuable water run down the drain . I looked over to his room , which stood near the bathroom . The door was open . I could see his abandoned shirt from last night . I wondered if it smelt of perfume , if its collar was covered in lipstick . I turned back and stared at the briefs again . No doubt about that smell ; I knew it from my own solitary nighttime activities . If he had a girlfriend , then our schoolboy - buddy relationship was over . I heard his footsteps moving from the lounge room toward the hall . I quickly stepped into the shower . But of course he didn 't come into the bathroom while I was there ; he never did . He made breakfast for me while I was in the shower . I thanked him and sat down , very happy for the gesture . But as I ate he left the room . When I came later into the bathroom to clean my teeth I noticed he had cleared up all his laundry . By the time I was properly dressed he was out of the flat . From then on he never left his keys and ID card on the bench , nor left the TV on while out of the room . He kept himself neat and tidy and contained , no more jocks left hanging loosely over the laundry hamper . He barely stayed in the same room as me . He 'd sit in his own room and study . The only time we really were together was to eat . He was very polite , but barely looked me in the eye . I was flabbergasted by his strong reaction to the whole event . Especially since it didn 't feel like much had been said or done . Was he really that upset that I had gotten myself drunk that night ? He couldn 't have had any idea what my reaction that night had been . My God , he was talking about it . I grasped at it . " That 's why you went out without me ? Well , yeah , that 's OK then . I don 't mind . " He stopped , put his knife and fork down , and looked directly at me for the first time in days . " You don 't mind me going out without you ? Well , that 's good . I didn 't ever think you would mind . I mean , why would you ? " Why would I ? " Of course , that 's what I mean , " I said trying to cover my shame . " So , what did you mean , then ? " He just stared at me , saying nothing . Slowly he shook his head . He began to pack up his dish . " Doesn 't matter , " he mumbled , and stood up to leave the table . " No , no , Jeremy , it does . I want to know what has happened . ' Cause frankly , I don 't understand . " I followed him into the kitchen . " Don 't do that . It doesn 't matter , leave them . " I went to grab the dishes , and my hand grazed over the top of his . I looked down at our hands on top of each other . I rather enjoyed the feel of his warmth under my hand . I was grateful to be within human range of him again . He sighed , and slowly moved his hand away . " I … I thought … what I meant was … " He wiped his hand on the tea - towel . " I knew you were sick . I was just worried about you . You looked pretty bad , I thought it was more than just a hang - over . I simply went to feel your forehead to see if you had a temperature . " I shrugged . " I don 't know . I just hadn 't had anyone do that since I was a kid , " I continued . " That 's all . " " OK then , that 's good . Excellent . I just wanted you to know that . " Then he smiled , a brief , tentative version of that gorgeous smile he 'd always had before . I couldn 't help but smile back , I was so glad to see it . Then he blushed . I just caught it before he quickly moved out of the room , not letting me see it anymore . " I have to go , though . Sorry , " he said . At last we had made some sort of breakthrough , but now he was avoiding me again . Maybe we hadn 't sorted out what had gone wrong , because he still didn 't know what had upset me that night , and I still didn 't understand what had upset him . But at least he had smiled again . He came out of his room with his jacket and keys . As he headed for the front door I said , " I was hoping we could watch TV together tonight . " I hadn 't planned to say that ; it just came out . He stopped walking and looked at me . I looked at him a little embarrassed . He gave a little half smile . " You 'd like to do that ? " I nodded , and he left . I didn 't know . Did he have a date or was he hanging out with mates ? He never told me . But I wasn 't going to let that upset me this time . He said he 'd stay home and watch a movie with me . I was elated . Slowly we tried to make our way back to where we were before . Although Jeremy didn 't return to leaving his keys and wallet on the kitchen bench , he would sit up at night with me during the week and chat , and about one night out of every second weekend he 'd order pizza and we 'd sit in the dark and watch a DVD . But I wondered if there wasn 't still some small distance there , or a wariness , or that his friendliness was forced . He wouldn 't talk about where he went when he was out , or who he was with . He 'd dismiss it each time I tried to ask , pretending it wasn 't important . So I stopped asking him . If he didn 't want to tell me , if he didn 't want to invite me along , I didn 't feel right to badger him . One day at work , an invitation went around from the Head Librarian for a staff dinner . Apparently it was a tradition for the staff to go out to a restaurant twice a year . Most of the staff , especially those who had been there for years , either laughed about it or groaned at the imposition . I was torn between being excited about an organised social event and being scared to face it . I met up with some of the party at a nearby carpark and we walked to the mall where the restaurant was . On the way we all chit - chatted . I was among people I worked with every day . I talked to them at work , but now , in this situation , we were strangers again . I suddenly regretted my decision to come . I strayed to the back of the group letting the others go before me . He saw me too . He was standing among the crowd of men , and particularly close to one of them . As I watched I saw his fingers slowly entwine with the other man 's . He was still looking at me as he did so , almost as if he were challenging me . But underneath I saw a note of fear . Now I understood . He turned his eyes away from mine and stared off distantly into space . At that moment the club opened its doors . The man whose hand he held moved , and briefly Jeremy looked back at me , then followed his partner in with the crowd . I lay awake that night thinking of those two hands , watching Jeremy 's fingers twist around to hold the other man 's . I felt a sudden , almost physical , desire for those fingers to be mine . I wanted to know how it felt to hold Jeremy 's hand . I wanted him to lean against me . I wanted to sit together and watch TV with our bodies resting against each other . I wanted to break that physical barrier between two men . But how do you go up to a man and touch him , skin to skin ? How do you let a man know you want to hold him close , to feel his heart beat against your own ? Jeremy obviously knew . But would he want to do it with me ? Or would he just want to have sex ? I clenched my eyes . The thought of Jeremy touching me - my equipment - embarrassed me . And the thought of me touching his - . No ! I did not want to go there . " No hangovers ? " I asked . He was still unsure . " I 'm just trying to get my own back for my hangover , that 's all . " And I punched him lightly in the arm . " It 's OK , Jeremy , " I said , and sat down beside him . We watched TV for a bit , and chatted haltingly . I wanted to talk about last night , but couldn 't . Eventually he found an excuse to get up and do something else . We never spoke about the club . At times I 'd find myself watching his slender , small , almost elf - like body , and feel an emptiness , a grieving . I kept thinking of his hand in the hand of the other man . I kept thinking about the evenings we used to spend together . With every night that he spent away I felt myself drift further from him . I came home from work one day when spring was in the air . The jacarandas were starting to blossom and the winter westerly wind had turned around . You could almost feel the new life in the air . I sighed deeply . Spring could do whatever it wanted to try and cheer the world up ; it could not work its magic on me . I gathered the mail from the letter box and headed in . Once in the flat I shut the windows and curtains . Among the letters was one from James Coombs . I sat on the lounge and stared at the envelope . Jamie Coombs was the kid I used to sit next to in 4th class at school . I only sat with him because I was placed there by the teacher to split Jamie up from his best friend Bryan . Jamie was cool . Not in a bad boy , smoking - in - the - toilets way . Nor in a best - at - all - sports way . Just in that sort of being born into it way . He never had to work at it ; he never lorded it over us all . He could be friendly to the nerdy and the cool alike ; it didn 't make any difference . He could do his school work and not play sport and still be cool . He went on to become school captain in our final year at high school , and here he was now , organising a five - year reunion . So Jamie hadn 't written specifically to me . I tossed the letter onto the coffee table . Jeremy came home . He walked over to the window and drew the curtains , letting in the offending spring sunshine . He opened the window and drew in a breath . Just like James ? Had Brett been his boyfriend ? And did he think Jamie was mine ? I barely spoke to Jamie after 4th class . In high school I was sort of friends with Andrew and Gavin . Would they be at the reunion ? Maybe . The thought of going back to my old school , to see all those people I never really knew … But I had pretended that James was my friend . I watched the empty space where Jeremy had been . I had said the wrong thing to him again . And again I didn 't know what or how or why . When had I said that ? Back in those dim dark days when we went out every weekend and Jeremy only spent time with me and I thought I had a best friend at last ? What was having a friend all about ? How did one make friends , keep friends ? " I had friends ! You 're not the only one who has friends . And I might stay there for a week 's holiday too . Good idea . I could do with some time out of here . Out of the city , I mean . " I applied for leave . A week to go back to Toowoomba for the reunion and stay with my parents for a while . Back home to sleepy Toowoomba , to Mum fussing over me and Dad chatting quietly over his newspaper and ABC TV current affairs . I left Friday after work . Jeremy helped me pack the car , patted me on the back and told me to drive safely . I presumed he 'd be out partying at some gay bar , so didn 't ask . I 'd have nine days at home . I wouldn 't be back until the next Sunday . Jeremy stood in the driveway as I left . As I turned out of the street I could still see him in my rear - vision mirror . Mum put on a roast for me , something I didn 't ever have in Brisbane . She fussed over the meal , and Dad talked mildly about current political events . It was nice . It was calm . It was predictable . I made my way to my room feeling relaxed . I lay down in my old bed , remembering Space Invader games , Power Rangers , and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles , and drifted off to sleep . The reunion was a Saturday night . That morning I went with Mum to the supermarket . I wandered about suggesting items to buy , enjoying being an adult shopping with my mother instead of a reluctant teen resenting every minute . At the checkout I saw Wade . He was behind the cash register . How many old schoolboys were now working in the shops of my home town ? I looked the other way while the money was exchanged . When I was in Year 8 he and I had spent some Monday afternoons in metalwork class . He was one of the smoking - in - the - toilets cool set . But none of his friends were in this class , so he allowed himself to talk to me . Then one afternoon he and his hangers - on cornered me on the back school oval . They surrounded me and he attacked me bare - fisted . He seemed to be genuinely angry with me over something , but had neglected to tell me what it was . Once the ordeal was over I broke the greatest schoolboy code of all and told the Deputy Principal . It worked . Wade and his followers hated me for it , but they never tried to hurt me again . The day drifted by too quickly . Evening ultimately came and I had to make myself go to the reunion . On one side of the hall was a long table . We were expected to go up there to sign - in to some book . Milling by it were various members of the good - at - sports cool crowd . I wandered over to the drinks table and picked up a ready - poured wine , then turned around to start mingling . My favourite occupation . I scanned the room for Andrew or Gavin . I couldn 't find them . Gavin had gone down to New South Wales to study engineering , so I ought to have guessed he wouldn 't be there . Most people were already talking to someone else . I told myself that what I should do is go up and try to muscle - in on the conversations . I flexed my muscles , then looked at the faces . They all seemed to belong to the junior - school - council crowd or the I 'm - studying - journalism crowd or the I backpacked - to - India crowd . They all seemed to be with partners , girlfriends and boyfriends . And all opposite - sex couplings , I noticed . I looked over to the walls , seeking the sanctuary of the shadows and corners . Craig . I 'd forgotten about him . Why had he come ? He used to hang around with me and Andrew a little . We were the ones who attracted the total drop - outs from the pack . " Hi Craig . " He stuck to me , talking incessantly about computer hardware and aircraft carriers . I let him talk , not interested in either topic and having nothing to add but the occasional nod when his unblinking stare got too much for me . Lisa , the blonde pin - up girl of the class , walked past . He called out a hello to her , but she ignored it . Then out of Craig 's lips came a slew of invectives against almost every girl in the class . I watched in amazement . I couldn 't help myself ; I had to ask : " Do you feel the same way about all the boys ? " " Yes ! Most of them are shits too . " He kept staring after Lisa , then slowly turned around to me . " What the fuck was that supposed to mean ? Are you implying that I 'm a bloody poofter ? Shit ! " And he stormed off . " Nick . Nice to see you could come . " It was Jamie . He came up and shook my hand . I stared at the conjoined hands . I thought only people over thirty shook hands , or politicians . " Yes , and let us know what you have been doing since you left school , " Jamie said . " We are going to put out a newsletter to everyone with the information . And it can go out to those who couldn 't come . Speaking of which … Do you have any contact details for Andrew Banner ? I couldn 't find him , and I know you and he were friends . " " That sounds good Nick . " Jamie said . " Myself , I finished my communications degree at Charles Sturt Uni and now have a job on the news team at Channel 9 . " Kirsty had been the girl school captain . Blonde , sporty , good public speaker , played the lead role in the school production . The perfect girl . They were married ? Already ? I shook my head in disbelief . I had always found her boring . But I never really knew her , of course . " When you get the chance , do come on over to the table , as Kirsty said , and sign the book . I have to check on some others , but we 'll see you ' round . " And he was gone . I watched him also disappear into the crowd . Gone forever . Despite his parting promise , I doubt I would ever see James Coombs again . I looked around the whole room . All the beautiful people with their beautiful partners . The room felt cold , the people seemed to be standing in the distance , as if in a haze . I wanted to be home ; in Brisbane . It beckoned to me - the warmth of sitting in the dim light of the lounge room of my flat , watching a DVD . With Jeremy . In the morning I sat at the breakfast table with Dad . He was reading the paper . " How did the reunion go ? " he said absently from behind the paper . Mum came over with some coffee and sat down . " You were home early . " I had slipped into the house and gone quietly to my room , but Mum and Dad were still up . I politely excused myself and went to my room . I lay down on my bed and stared at the painted weatherboard ceiling . The image of all those opposite - sex pairs at the reunion kept replaying in my head . Were there any girls from school that I liked ? That I 'd be happy to be with ? There was a girl at school called Rhianna . She spent a lot of time reading books , even during class . She had a shock of frizzy , light - brown hair , and looked a bit like a hippie . But was it her looks - her body - that I was interested in , or just her apparent indifference to the others ? She seemed to have chosen to be alone , rather than having been left alone . I wondered if that were the case . Of course she wasn 't at the reunion . I rolled over and gazed at the window . It looked out on the neighbours ' back yard , but they had such huge trees that all I could ever see were leaves . I got off the bed and went over to the window , drawing the curtains . The trees were gone and had been replaced with low bushes . I could now see out to the rooftops of the whole neighbourhood . I opened the window and took a long deep breath , sucking the spring air into my lungs . I went out to a cafe for coffee and sat there alone , as usual . I feared I would see someone from the reunion . But I didn 't . Maybe they were still sleeping off their hangovers . I watched the people walking past . A group of youths passed by in baggy pants hanging down to their knees , revealing their underjocks . With them were girls wearing jeans too tight for their ample figures . An old man shuffled along in slippers and a tattered cardigan that must have been forty years old . A young mum pushed a pram , wearing old trackies and a milk stained t - shirt . A fat , sweating family man taking his children down for a dough - nut , wheezing under the strain of so much physical activity . A woman with bleached blonde straightened hair and thick makeup clattered along in dangerously high stiletto shoes . A beer - gutted factory out - of - worker , headed for the pub . A thirty - something tradesmen came past in his gardening shirt and shorts , with toned tanned legs ending in solid heavy boots . His face was half - shaven , lean , with keen eyes that alighted on me and stopped for a brief second before moving on . " I thought you were staying all week ? " Mum asked . I shook my head . " Sorry . I … There were really none of my friends at the reunion . I dunno Mum . " She nodded as if she understood . Maybe she did . She hugged me and told me to come again for another weekend . Dad shook my hand . By the time I reached Taringa and turned into my street the sun was starting to set . My flat was in darkness . No surprise . But I was disappointed . Then I was disappointed at being disappointed . I unlocked the door . Inside was full of shadows . I flicked lights on and headed to the kitchen . I started preparing a snack , putting on toast and getting margarine from the fridge . As I put it on the bench , I noticed Jeremy 's keys and wallet . So with me gone he had returned to his old habits . I looked about . Where was he ? In the shower , no doubt , just getting ready to go out . But I didn 't hear any running water . A small panic gripped me - again . Was he OK ? I headed toward his bedroom to look for him . I placed my hand on his door handle , about to turn it and peep in to see if he were just asleep , but as I did I heard a muffled sound coming from my own room . Crying ? I started heading down there before I knew what I was doing . Had he injured himself ? I was outside the door when I suddenly realised it might not be crying , that he was probably in there with his lover . I backed away . To think I might have walked in on that ! The image couldn 't help but pass through my head . Penises being shoved into arseholes . Jeremy 's into his , or worse still , his into Jeremy 's . Jeremy lying on my bed with his legs waving in the air , and him holding his huge red throbbing dick , about to force it into Jeremy . I shuffled back quickly , wanting to get out of there . Of course I made too much noise . The sound from the bedroom stopped . I stopped . All I could hear was my heart . Jeremy 's voice . It sounded raspy . Was he sick ? Or in the middle of an orgasm ? I didn 't answer . I tried moving back to the lounge room again . " Yeah . Sorry to … disturb you . " I went into the lounge room and shut the door to the hallway , switched on the TV and tried to pretend all was right with the world . I had sat through two minutes of the Channel Nine sports report and five minutes of mind - numbing ads when the door opened . Jeremy came out , alone . I tried to peer down the hallway , but he closed the door . I turned back to the news . There was no back door down that part of the flat , so loverboy would have to hide in a closet . " I 'm sorry I was sleeping in your room , " he said . I shrugged , pretending I didn 't care , my ears pricked for the sound of any other bodies in the house . But all was silence . He shook his head . " You 're home early . " Then the tears came back . He couldn 't control his crying . " I 'm so glad to see you . " And the tears poured out . Oh , my God . What should I do ? I stared at him , his shoulders heaving . I wanted to reach out and touch him . My body urged me to move , but my stubborn brain stopped me . That made his tears flow more . I was about to turn back to the TV when he said . " No . That 's not the matter . I don 't care about the ' boyfriend ' . He 's just a fuck buddy . I don 't care . " We sat there , him crying and me staring . I turned off the TV . Silence replaced it . His crying steadied to a gentle sob . Light sounds of traffic could be heard . The room was growing in darkness as the sun set . Only the kitchen light lit the room , casting strong shadows . The smell of my toast filled the air . He looked up at me . " Yes . I don 't mean it in any sort of creepy sexually perverse way . But yes , I admit it . I like you - as a guy . I think you are cute , and really bloody sweet , and for a while I had hoped you were gay too , but you 're not and that 's ok with me . I could cope if we could be just friends again like we were , but you won 't allow that , so … " He stared out into nothing , just frozen , his face lit by the strong light of the kitchen cutting into the darkness of the lounge room . His slightly tipped - up nose , his lips , pink from the crying , and his red - brown hair ruffled from the bed . Then he started crying again . My body won out . I reached over and hugged him before my mind could stop me . I circled my arms around him , pulling him against me . My hands slipped along his back , feeling the gentle play of muscle and bone . He rested his head on my shoulder and I felt the warm tears against my shirt , soaking in , the moisture against my skin . I kept holding him , pulling him closer , tighter . I felt his breath against my neck , the warmth coming and going . " When I saw you at the club I thought you didn 't want to be friends anymore , " I said . He looked up at me in surprise . His face was inches from me , the tears glistening in his eyes . " I didn 't want you ? Why did you think that ? " I looked into his eyes , so close . I wanted to reach out and touch his face . " Jeremy . You don 't get in my way . I want you around . I thought you were bored with me . You started going out . I thought you didn 't want to be with me . Why would you ? I 'm a nothing . A little nerdy nothing . " " You 're not a nothing ! " He stared at me . " Why do you think that ? " Then he slowly smiled , that enchanting elvish grin . It invaded his eyes ; it lit up his face . It invaded my face . I couldn 't stop myself from smiling back . My stomach was dancing madly . That familiar temptation to run threatened to take me over , but I took a deep , deep breath , and nodded . " I 'm not sure just how , or how much or … But , yes , I want you , Jeremy . " He slipped his arms around my waist . The feel of his warm arm , circling me , holding me close , was delicious . My body relaxed against him . " Nick , " I heard him whisper into my neck . Recent Comments jaymountney on Little Boy Blue - by Ale … buffalotompeabody on Issue 18 is live ! Issue 19 is up ! Merr … on Issue 19 is up ! Merry Chr … Henry James on Issue 19 is up ! Merry Chr … iameverywhere1 on Issue 17 is up ! SURPRISE Cover Revea … on Rainbow awardsnickthiwerspoon on Ruth Simsnickthiwerspoon on The Queen City Players Pr … Vraiment génial on The Queen City Players Pr … fantasme on Our latest issue is live ! Top Posts & Pages The Male Nurse How to Turn a Straight Woman into a Gay Man , an Essay Archives March 2017 ( c ) 2017 , Livingston Woolf . In my teens , my parents dragged me from specialist to specialist . They were ashamed of my " perversion " as my enlightened father called it . Ultimately , they dragged me to an endocrinologist who put me through a battery of tests . Mom and dad were shocked when they heard the doctor 's report " There 's an [ … ] ( c ) 2017 , Michael Ampersant This wasn 't my first time , not even in Florence , but it 's my shtick , if you will . I 've taken up position on the steps of the Loggia della Signoria , squatting between the statues of Cellini 's Perseus and Fedi 's Rape of the Polyxena . I 'm not a prostitute , but I 'm a slut with [ … ] ( c ) 2017 , Andre DeCuir When Brendan was 16 , his parents got divorced and sent him to therapy . He saw Dr . Bill for about a year and then stopped , maybe because his mother got tired of being the only one to take him there . Brendan 's father moved into a trailer park along the Baton Rouge highway , [… ] |
I still didn 't know what to think . My romance had ended before it began , and my wife disappeared without a trace . Although I had harbored worries that her family had taken her from me , their attitudes convinced me they shared my ignorance of her disappearance . " What if bandits took her into the wilderness ? " Jennifer 's mother wailed into my shoulder . " We may never find her broken body ! " I patted her back awkwardly . A week after the wedding , we still stayed at the estate as our base of operations . I would hate to continue renting , but Franklin Fronth was a Lord and had seemingly unlimited resources . Which made his refusal to pay the dowry all the more infuriating . Of the family , only he might have had the motivation to take her away , but it seemed a trivial reason to do so . In fact , I 'm sure he suspects me of foul play , so that I could have the dowry and then marry the mistress I 'm sure he 's heard about . The sun shone down on us . The darkness inside the building was just too oppressing . " Devrim ! " someone yelled out from across the yard , so I looked up . I saw Rene Fronth , Jennifer 's brother . He dressed with a feathered cap and colorful short cape , which made my own clothing seem drab in comparison . He beckoned me over , so I disengaged from his mother and ran over . " No , no news . But I was talking to a friend and he mentioned that he had some goods imported from Felaronia coming in today and it got me thinking . What if , for whatever possible reason , she took a ship to Felaronia ? I asked what day that ship would have gone to Octgard and he told me it was the day after the wedding . It 's not a real lead , but I think it is worth investigating , as we don 't have anything else to go on . " I almost laughed out loud . Why in the world would shy Jennifer run off to Felaronia ? It made no sense . Rene was looking in all the wrong places . I was about to reject his offer , but thought that it might instill resentment . In truth , I had nothing better to do and didn 't want his mother clinging to me . " Should we go down to the docks ? " I asked , humoring him . Rene gave a nervous smile , unsure whether I approved or not . Let him guess . We made our way over to the docks , a trip that took some time while winding our way through crowded , stinking streets . That 's why I hated Capital Mith . The ever present sun shining in my window of the carriage burned my skin in spite of the flimsy curtain I used to block it . My eye began to twitch and my mouth felt dry . I didn 't feel like talking much during the ride . My thoughts wandered to Jennifer . Would I ever see her again ? Was someone holding her captive ? Was she waiting for me to come rescue her ? What if she had been defiled ? Then what would I do ? So many scenarios floated through my mind , but none of them allowed the possibility that she was out of my reach forever . I put on my hat when we stepped out of the carriage and onto the docks . Boats of all sizes filled the coast . I didn 't come from a coastal city , so I admit I didn 't know the difference between any of them , but Rene seemed to know where to go , so I followed him . The waves made a constant swooshing sound so annoying that I had to keep from shouting out in frustration . He chose a large ship , random in my mind , and walked up the planks onto the ship . I followed him up but nearly toppled over when the ship shifted . Even on the deck , I felt a little dizzy . In the corner of my eye , I saw some people sniggering , but when I faced them , they looked away innocently . Rene found the captain , a wrinkled man who looked tired of life , and then started talking . I stayed back , observing . " Captain James , I have a few questions for you . " " If you 're mad at me for taking away your wife , girlfriend , or sister , that 's not my problem . These women are adults and can make their own decisions . Several come back on their own accord . " Never mind my first analysis . This man was just tired of answering the same question over and over again , always on the defensive . " Come , Rene , this is a waste of time . " I placed my hand on his shoulder , but he shrugged it off and continued talking to the captain . Rene looked flustered so I spoke up . " Jennifer Fronth . She 's tall , blond . " I wracked my mind for other descriptions of her , but failed to come up with anything . " She might have come with her friend , Mia , who 's shorter , darker hair , plump , " Rene added . Captain James stood in a thoughtful pose , unfocused eyes looking back in time . " Yes , I think I might remember the pair . Didn 't talk too much with the other guests . Just kept to themselves . " Because she was shy ? But no , this couldn 't be them . Jennifer would never leave me to go to Felaronia , would she ? " It must be them ! Jenny 's safe ! " Rene told me excitedly . He turned to the captain . " You did get there without any casualties , right ? " " Are you sure ? " Rene asked . " If she went to Felaronia , it was of her own will , and she won 't want to come back . " " No , that can 't be it . Why would she flee from me if she doesn 't even know me ? She wouldn 't reject a romance that hasn 't even started . Something else must be going on . " I wiped sweat from my forehead . The sun was turning my face red . The captain grinned . " Well , I would advise against this , but I can 't wait to see your face when you get back on my ship . " " We 're here ! " I yelled behind Mia 's back . She actually jumped a few inches into the air , threatening to tumble off the starboard side of our elegant ship . The sails whipped back and forth so that , combined with the waves , muted all sound . I was proud of myself for managing that to overcome that and still scare Mia . Felaronia 's port town of Octgard greeted us with colorful banners flapping to the screaming wind . The wetlands made it hard to create a permanent settlement along this part of the coast , so most of Felaronia was inland along the River Nesco . But Octgard held out strong and looked beautiful to me right now . Wooden buildings with a variety of designs , colors , and textures were visible from the docks where we had landed . One in particular caught my eye , a tower that gently curved from wide to narrow as it went up , reminding me a little of a woman 's form . Surrounding buildings didn 't compete with it , but accented its beauty like it had all been planned out beforehand . Nothing like the haphazard stone walls back home . We got off the ship , filing onto the wooden roads of the docks . I felt a little uneasy , as the ground didn 't wobble as much as I had gotten used to in the last few days . It seemed there were two groups , divided almost by gender . The first were the merchants , mostly men who came on business and knew what they wanted , wasting no time as they went toward the city . The second group consisted of women like us , the immigrants , fleeing the effects of misogyny , false romance , and general injustice . We didn 't know where to go and still marveled at the sight of the mythical city . Sure , there were female merchants and male immigrants , but they were minorities . As the most noble among our group , I felt it my responsibility to lead them to the shore . So I told them to follow me and mimicked the merchants even as I followed them . Mia caught up to me , looking worried . At first , few wanted to venture out , but the submission that had been beaten into them for so long won out and they lined up behind me . We marched to shore , leaving the vessel of our deliverance behind as we faced our new lives . A trio of older women greeted us at the end of the docks . One wore her black hair in a bun , another let her long curly hair loose , and another had her gray hair cut short . All three wore robes , black , purple , and white . They folded their arms with amused looks on their faces . The one with the short hair spoke first . " Welcome to Felaronia . My name is Saphira . This is a place where you find what was lacking in your homelands : value and respect . But to obtain that , you must be willing to work hard for the good of everyone . This is not for the weak , lazy , or spoiled . " Did she cast her eyes on me ? " We don 't enslave the men like they enslaved us . They are , however , subservient to us out of necessity . There are those whose ambitions would overthrow our society . If you find any , report them to us and they will be escorted to a country more to their liking . " The one in purple spoke next . " I am Ynette . We realize that many of you are coming from situations of abuse and at the risk of your own lives . Because of this , you will all be assigned a mentor to help you gradually understand our culture , our laws , and our jobs . Any questions you have , you can ask her . " If you want to pursue a career , but don 't have the skill , we can set you on the path of education . Also , do not despair because of lack of money . You will live first in the commons houses until your mentor transitions you to a full citizen . Like Saphira said , there is little tolerance for women who will not work . " Again , the look at me . Did they think I was just some foolish damsel ? " Some of you might have even had easier lives in your homeland . But hard work will allow you to feel like part of our community . Come along and we 'll give you a tour of your new home . " My mood had dropped a bit , but I still mustered up enthusiasm . I would prove these women wrong . Wiping the hair from my face , blown there by the wind , I nodded . This had to be better than a forced romance or marriage , after all . I had waited for this moment ever since the betrothal became official . She was a beautiful girl , with long blonde hair , a round face , big eyes , and a great figure . While other men might see her height as off - putting , not me . Our eyes could meet straight on , although for some reason she decided high heels at our wedding , elevating her above me . She might have intimidated me if not for her shyness . Avoiding our kiss in public ? Fear of talking to me ? How cute . I couldn 't wait to explore her mind and her body , having her open up to me and me only . We would create a true romance . " Jennifer ? " I asked again , stepping into the room . A servant had lit the fireplace and the air smelled of flowers , incense , and a little ash . The flames , even from the other side of the room , washed over me with waves of warmth . The bed was across from the fire with a canopy of transparent red drapery and silky white sheets . A side room had a bath filled with bubbling water . The view from the window pointed away from the ugly capital and toward the forested mountains , where the sun crested the peaks . Even the rugs on the floor made me want to fling off my boots and let them tickle my toes . I imagined my bride hiding in a corner , thinking herself not pretty enough , but the look on her face changing when she saw me marveling at her . I was truly lucky to have her as mine . Well , lucky and willing to take advantage of the major debt the Fronths owed my deceased father . Now , where was she ? I walked over to the bed but didn 't see anyone on it . She wasn 't on the other side , either . Under ? I took a peek , feeling silly . No , not there . No one in the bathroom , either . I went to the window , but she wasn 't on the balcony . I didn 't know where else she could be . Starting to get worried , I left the room and started looking through others , throwing open doors and shouting her name . I even found a few people in compromising positions , affected by the wine . But I didn 't care . I was the one who was supposed to be in a compromising position right now . Should I worry ? Should I be angry ? I didn 't know what to think . Going back to the banquet hall , I found her father , Franklin Fronth Sr . Sitting down at the empty table with him , I asked , " Where is your daughter ? " " Well , help me find her ! " I said , raising my voice . When people started looking at us , I lowered it again . What would they think of me if they knew I lost my wife on our first day of marriage ? " Can you get some people to look for her ? I don 't know where else to look . But keep it discreet . " Try as I might , the news ended up leaking as search party after the search party was formed . If Jennifer was in the estate , she hid as well as a ghost . And unless she was violently abducted , of which there was no evidence , it became clear she had abandoned me completely . Not too long ago , I had the idea for a romance within the Sage Eyes universe . It will be a short story , but I feel like it could be fun to write , to keep up the creativity . I will be publishing it incrementally through this blog and Wattpad , and maybe give it away as an eBook once it 's completed , so come back and check for updates . It is Jenny 's wedding day , but she doesn 't know the man she will marry . So on her wedding day , when she realizes she doesn 't want to live that kind of life , she decides to run away to Felaronia , a nation where the women are in control . Devrim , her newlywed husband , finds out about this and chooses to take back his wife himself . But his plan might not be as simple as he assumes . You can also check out other short stories here . I looked down at my husband - to - be , his unruly auburn hair just asking for me to lick my thumb and press it down . If I actually knew this man , I might have done just that , but this was the first time I had seen him up close . Even here , in the judgment hall , the lighting didn 't do anyone justice . How did I look to him ? My eyes flicked over to father , standing behind the judge with a grave smile on his face . How could he stand there , selling me short by giving me away to this young baron ? As lord of House Filmore , he could have bargained me away to just about any bachelor in the realm . So why did he settle for this no - name ? Mother at least wore some emotion on her face . Her red eyes spoke of tears of knowing this would be the last time we saw each other for possibly years . She knew what I would go through , although she married up , unlike me . My brothers Franklin and Rene didn 't even pay attention to my predicament , making eyes with girls in the audience . Older than me , they were still immature fools . But father wouldn 't compromise their status with low marriages . No , that punishment he reserved for his only daughter . In fact , they were eligible candidates for Princess Tiffany Blade , not that she seemed in any hurry to marry . But whoever she did marry would become heir to the kingdom . One of my brothers could become king , while I was being demoted to baroness . " Ahem , " Judge Corvin said , his eyes boring into me . I sighed . I would satisfy my father . If I tried to run now , he probably had a cohort of servants ready to drag me back and force me to say yes . Feeling a pit in my stomach , I said , " I do . " Devrim gave a wry smile . What did that even mean ? What thoughts , if any , swirled around in the head of this man I was tied to for the rest of my life ? " You may now kiss the bride , " the judge said , scribbling something in that book of his . This was not how I pictured my wedding . Devrim took a step closer and angled his head upward , coming in for contact , his eyes closing . I turned my head away at the last moment so his wet lips got my cheek . His eyes flew open and he backed away , cheeks turning red . Father shook his head and sighed . He did that a lot around me . People in the audience looked around at each other , no one wanting to acknowledge what they saw . One by one , people started clapping , but it sounded more like the pitter patter of rain than the boom of thunder . I molded my face into a passionless smile and waved to the crowd . My handmaid Mia , sitting on the front row , caught my eye and gave me a knowing look . At least she would be going with me to my new home . When together , people thought us the odd pair . A friendship of contrasts . Mia kept her dark hair short , cut just below the ears , while I had flowing golden locks . She a little plump , me a little skinny . She was short , I was tall . Taller than my groom , actually , and accented by the fact that I wore high heels . It 's not my fault no one told me he was half dwarf . The wedding took place in the capital , neutral ground between our two territories , if you will . My father had rented an estate just outside of the city limits for the wedding party and then for Devrim and me to stay a few days before the move . We rode in a carriage to the estate , me staring out the window at the city passing me by . The celebration passed by without incident . My father provided a modest feast to acknowledge the first marriage of his children . Devrim chatted with him more than me . Maybe my refusal to hold his hand gave him the impression I didn 't want to talk . I dreaded having it end , since I would end up alone with him , giving my body to a man I had barely met . I got more nervous as time passed and at one point started drinking liberally of the wine provided . Mia had to place a hand on my shoulder to get me to stop . Without words , I placed the glass down on the table . " We should get you changed before your big night , Jenny , " she said with forced enthusiasm , eying my white gown . I just slumped down . " Come on , " Mia said , tugging me up . With a sigh , I stumbled up . All my training as a lady , how to walk in heels , how to hold myself with poise , how to breathe wearing a corset , it had all abandoned me with the wine . She took me to a room lined with velvet and sat me in front of a mirror after easing me out of my dress . Mother had given it to me years ago . I had loved it then , taking it out of my closet and admiring it , dreaming of the day I would be able to wear it . Well , that day had come and now I just wanted to scrub it off of me like dirt in a bath . I didn 't even notice the tears until Mia wiped my face . " Oh , it 's not that bad . You 'll be fine . And if worse comes to worse , you could always run off to Felaronia . " She chuckled . My eyes snapped open . Maybe if I weren 't drunk I wouldn 't have taken the idea seriously . I shouldn 't have , just like Mia didn 't . But in that moment , fleeing to a land controlled by women seemed like my only hope . Still , I wasn 't so far gone that I gave Mia reason to suspect my inner machinations . Yet . Mia stepped back , unscathed but afraid . " The only bad thing I 've heard is that he has a mistress . And if you think about it , that might not be so bad . If you 're not in the mood , he can always - " " Let him keep his mistress , " I crowed . Now was time to reveal my master plan , the one I had been cooking up for all of two minutes in my head . " We 're going to Felaronia ! " " I have all my belongings packed . I have enough money to get me there . You were going to move with me , so we 're just changing the destination . " I took her hand and forced her to look me in the eye . " Enough with the men controlling us . We 're going to make our own destiny . " We both ended up giggling , holding back screams . Mia moved her eyes from one side to another . " Let 's do it ! " she whispered mischievously . And so we grabbed our bags , hauled ourselves outside , and hailed a carriage to the docks of Capital Mith , just as the sun was beginning to set on this chapter of my life . Posted on January 27 , 2016January 28 , 2016Jack and Jill Jill entered the tall apartment building . It had been around for decades , without much updating to it . She had to go up three floors to get to her place . Her high heels hit the concrete floor as she entered , echoes announcing her presence . The groceries in her hands felt heavy enough to burst through the sacks . Perhaps it had been a mistake to visit the salon before buying food , because she always had to look her best when getting her manicure , but the combination of high heels and heavy groceries made her wonder if she would get blisters on her feet . After all , the nearest bus stop was three blocks from her place , and with the car in the shop , it was the only means of transportation she had left . She didn 't think it should have been all that unusual to bring groceries with her on the bus , but that day everyone must have agreed to make her look like a fool . On the way home she had stopped three times after getting off the bus to set down the bags and examine her hands . One of the nails broke during the trip home , and there were creases where the plastic had bit into her hands . One time , a dog had come over , sniffing her food , and she had to clumsily chase it away without tripping . Her husband always told her to wear shoes with wider heels , but she thought they looked ugly . If only he had stayed home today like he had said he would . Then he could have gone shopping , or taken care of the baby . Jack was a great husband and she knew she should not complain , but he sometimes acted strange around the neighbors , as if he did not trust them . One time he told her he thought the woman above them had drilled a hole through their ceiling and was spying on them . Most of the time , his theories were so funny , she had to stop herself from laughing . She still was not sure if he was serious or if he was joking . She suspected that the time he had sustained a concussion in football as a teen still affected him . But all of this had not stopped him from being a good husband and father . Maybe it was because she was thinking of him that she began feeling it . When she on the last set of stairs before getting to her place that she realized something was wrong . It was too silent . There was a tenseness in the air . She chastened herself for getting so worked up over nothing . She was imagining things . Yet she couldn 't help but feel something had happened . Her steps became slower , more languid the closer she got , as if wading through water . Her heartbeat was the only thing that sped up . Even these warning signs , though , could not prepare her for what she saw when she arrived on her floor and saw her apartment ahead of her . With a gasp , she let go of the groceries , food spilling everywhere . Jill looked at the crime scene , all emotions numbed . The blood that stained the floor cruelly held her gaze . How could that have been her favorite color ? She idly twisted her curly hair , thinking that it was nothing like the color of blood , even though she had been called red headed all her life . The man who had died , her neighbor , was middle aged , only a little bit older than her husband who had first asked her out when she was still in high school and he in college . She wondered if her life would come to such an abrupt stop when she reached this man 's age . What would people think of her ? She was nothing more than a housewife , although her mother would have told her that it was nothing to be ashamed of . Who would remember her if she died right now ? Her son was too young still ; her husband would obviously remember her , at least until he remarried . She did not have many friends , since she had moved here up in the northeast to be with Jack . Her father always complained about that in the family reunions she could attend , saying that she was turning into a liberal Yankee . Through the far apartment window , she saw the falling orange leaves . The police were telling her to leave now , that there was nothing to see , but their words were like butterflies , slow but elusive . How silly they were . There was plenty to see . She shivered . " Ma ' am , please allow us to conduct our investigation . If you want , we can assist you with your groceries . " She looked down at the bags , one yellow at the bottom from the broken eggs , and then back at the man in the uniform . He must have taken that as a nod , because he looked over at a reporter and told him to help her . Vaguely , she saw him resist , but he soon gave in and started collecting her bags as well as the food that had fallen out . Annoyed , he nodded for her to lead him to her apartment , but she wanted to continue looking through the open door , past the yellow tape . In the back of her mind , she knew it was morbid , but that part was not in control at the moment . This man , James something , had been her neighbor for about a year . He was single and apparently never had been married . Her husband always commented that a man his age should have settled down a long time ago , that he must be hiding something and that she should stay away from him . She had not been so suspicious of James , and sometimes had pleasant conversations about nothing with the man . Not that they had ever been close friends , although today she had trusted him with … Jill swore and ran into the man 's apartment , breaking the yellow tape and ignoring the yells of the police . " My baby ! My baby ! " Where was he ? If he were … she would never forgive herself . Panting , she rushed to the crib that she had left with James when she went out . She looked in , but there was nothing inside . Where was he ? The police grabbed her arms and pulled her out , forcefully . She struggled . She did not care about not disturbing the crime scene . They only got her out with a big struggle , leaving her crying . She slumped against the wall and put her face in her hands . Someone came over and tried to comfort her , but she ignored him . The tears flowed between her fingers . Later , she was in her apartment . The reporter had brought in the groceries and then had taken the opportunity to interview her . Each question had provoked more tears . Why couldn 't he leave her alone ? The police then told her they would do everything they could to locate her baby , since they had found no other body except that of her neighbor . These had been the longest hours of her life . Now they were all gone and she was picking at a bowl of macaroni and cheese mixed with tears . She heard the door open . Getting up , she tried to prepare to tell Jack the bad news . He had not answered his cell phone all day . She didn 't think she would be able to without becoming a total mess . She had cried for hours after getting home , and the tears had recently dried up , but rainstorms threatened to fill up the empty riverbeds of her face again . When he came into full view , Jill gasped . " Jason ! " Her son was alive ! She ran over to Jack and took her son from his hands . " How , where was , when , I was so , what ? " The cog that linked her mouth and mind stopped functioning . She could not believe it . Even though her son was frowning , his face looked as if it were glowing , the most beautiful sight in the world . She imagined that he was happier now that he was with his mother . She stared into those blue eyes , her hours of grief healed in the instant they blinked . She stood there with her son for several minutes , crying , ignoring everything around her , including her husband . Jill still couldn 't speak , though , and his words sounded like another language . She looked her baby in the eyes . " Honey . I came home early and heard Jason crying , but it did not come from our apartment . When I realized that James had him … like I always said , I never trusted him , and I thought he had … or you and he … " " Why would I know what happened ? " Jack said defensively . Then his cheeks colored . " Oh , that . Yeah , it 's a real tragedy . Good thing I got Jason out of there before it happened . " " Wow , I hadn 't even thought of that . Here I was , sitting at home , worried sick , and you protected our son the whole time . You really are a great husband and father , Jack . " Jill looked at him earnestly . Jack scratched the back of his head , forcing a smile . His sandy blond hair was reflected in their son , who burped at that moment . Jill turned to her husband . " Jack , why are there dark spots on your pants ? " Jack looked down at his pants and looked like he had woken up from a strange dream . " I … went to check on the car in the shop , honey . Behind the counter , they were showing highlights of the game last night on the TV , so I leaned in to get a better look . I guess it was pretty dirty , or greasy , because after , my pants were like this . Worse , even . " " How is the car , dear ? You wouldn 't believe what I had to go through today without that thing , and all to come home to this . " Tears started trickling down her face , and she tried to wipe them , but with Jason in her arms , she had a bit of trouble , having to shift the baby . Jack came over and hugged her , wiping the tears away as if it would erase all the pain . Jill looked at him and pouted . " Promise me this will never happen again , dear . " Later that night , Jack got up and went to get a snack . Jill watched him go , pretending to be asleep , but in reality she was wide - awake . The day 's events had taken a lot out of her , yet she could not fall into darkness 's forgetful embrace . She was relieved her son was fine . She felt bad that James had died . But there was something that weighed down on her mind more than anything else , and she had no idea what to do about it , or if she should tell anyone about it . Sometimes she wished she didn 't know Jack so well . This day had brought so many surprises , and Jill did not know how to handle them all . Sure that Jack was occupied for the time , she quietly picked up the phone receiver . She needed to get this off her mind , and perhaps it would be best this way . What was someone to do in this kind of situation ? Maybe she should wait until he was at work the next day . But she would not be able to sleep with this on her mind . Her fingers trembled as she pushed each button . Who knew three numbers would be so hard to punch in ? When a voice came through , it felt glaringly loud . She looked up and glanced around , hoping Jack hadn 't heard her . It didn 't look like he had , so she began whispering into the receiver . Too late . The gun tore a hole right through the light blue abdomen , searing everything the energy touched . The creature collapsed , dead . The others looked horrified . Some jumped back into the sea , others rushed forward to actually attack the humans this time . Kaleb found himself running towards them , not sure what he hoped to accomplish . Foelhe was the next to act , Dalin too shocked at what he had done . He shot another of the blue men from afar . It fell back and its twisted bones could be heard from where Kaleb was standing . With the help of his helmet , of course , but that noise haunted him . Foelhe was going to take out another when Kaleb pushed him to the side . They both fell down . The others with Dalin took aim , hesitantly . The hesitation cost them . Somehow , a large wave reached them , pulling them down to the depths . They let go of their guns and tried scrambling out , but out of the wave came more of the blue things , grabbing them and preventing escape . As long as they had their armor on , they would be all right , but if the creatures found a way to break in , they would drown . Kaleb didn 't have an answer , but still couldn 't allow his companion to slaughter the natives . Their job was to explore , make contact , and set up a friendly base . Killing them all would put an end to that idea , permanently . They might have ended it already . His visor was full of mud and pebbles , so he tried wiping it clean , but didn 't get much off . He did see Foelhe 's figure get up , though , and take aim again . " Stop it , Foelhe ! We were to make contact , not come as conquerers . " " Maybe these savages need conquerers , " Foelhe said . Kaleb imagined him sneering . " We were never going to lower ourselves to their level . We were going to civilize them . Make them in our image . They have nothing they can offer us . " Foelhe snorted . " They weren 't controlling the waves , they saw it rising and swam in it . Now stop annoying me , I have to show them their place . " Kaleb stood up , placing himself between Foelhe and the natives . His back camera showed that the natives stopped chasing Dalin and were looking at him curiously . Maybe he could convince these they came in peace . " Kaleb , you are making a mistake . I didn 't come here to try to learn a language , or make peace offerings to these primitives . I came because it was the only way to get these suits and guns outside of a virtual sim . I want to hunt , and these violent monsters make the perfect practice . " " And I 'm fully justified in everything I do . I doubt the men up top will care enough to listen , anyway . " Foelhe waved his gun in Kaleb 's direction . Kaleb spread out his arms in protest . " Fine . There are natives that want to kill me . You won 't let me defeat them myself . So I must use force . " With that , he shot Kaleb . It was a low setting , a warning shot , just stunning him . Fear entered into his mind . Foelhe was more dangerous than any animal on this planet . He had the mind of a killer , but had never had the chance to use it until now . Foelhe was between Kaleb and the natives . Kaleb tried to focus his attention on himself . " You don 't want to do this , we can still make peace . " Looking at him , Foelhe laughed . " You 're not going to change me , Kaleb . If you don 't want to be a murderer , sticking to some vague principle of rightness , do that . But I am not limited by your moral system . " By then , some of the blue natives had crept up behind Foelhe . They looked ready to attack . Kaleb began to talk to Foelhe again , ready to say anything to distract him , but Foelhe ignored him , turned around , and started blasting the creatures . The screams would haunt Kaleb 's mind for many sleepless nights , if he ever walked away from this . Taking out his own gun , he resolved to stop this . His finger reached the trigger , but the vague principles of rightness made him hesitate . The hesitation cost him , as Foelhe immediately turned around and shot him . This time at full power . Kaleb breathed , straining . Finally he was able to feel the sand as it crept into his armor , now compromised . His bosses would not be happy with that . But it did have a unique texture . Foelhe 's voice was no longer coming through the speakers , but his movements showed his glee . Vision going double , Kaleb shifted his gun in the sand . Kaleb stayed silent as Foelhe 's screams mixed with the weeping natives . Dalin and the others were nowhere to be seen . Hopefully he had made some sort of difference . It was cold , even though it wasn 't supposed to be cold on the beach except at night . The sun was shining . It looked different through the atmosphere . Not so lonely . Both Foelhe and Kaleb died around the same time . Only thirteen point eight five seconds separating them . Dalin and his subordinates remained down there , but Helman decided to let them fend for themselves for a bit longer . His interest in Foelhe and Kaleb occupied his mind right now . He went to the pod . Gas steamed out as it opened . Waving his hand to clear it away , he looked in , seeing a familiar shape . Kaleb 's body looked like a baby 's , cuddled up in a fetal position , with only skintight underwear on . He looked cold . Wires were coming out of every part of him . A meter away , another pod opened . Helman put himself between the two . Foelhe 's body looked much the same as Kaleb 's from this perspective , just that his skin was a bit lighter . Slowly , the two of them awoke , fingers twitching , eyes moving before they finally opened . Kaleb let out a breath of relief . Foelhe clutched the edge of the pod , eyes open wide . " Well , good news for both of you . You 're not dead . " He let them take that in , since he was sure they didn 't want to see him in an afterlife . " You never went down to the surface . That was a lie . You 're still here , in Zeta . We got you all dressed up in your environmental suits , and had you sit down in what you thought was the ribbon , then drugged you and brought you back here . " " The suits walked here on their own and deposited you , " Helmen said with his tight smile . " This whole thing was a test . We needed to know how well you would handle it . " " You get to go down with others who have passed , if you want . You see , none of our technology works down there , except for the most primitive devices that don 't rely on electricity . No one knows why that is , and we need someone to find out . Posted on January 19 , 2016Crucifixion John Remalto knocked on the door . Knock knock . They had told him this would be a story that only he could do , that they only trusted him with , no one else . He had no idea what was so special , but then , as an award winning journalist , it was his job to find out . " I 'm John Remalto , we have an appointment . " John wondered if he had the right address . He looked down at the touchpad in his hand . Before he could double - check , though , the door closed . Why is everyone so rude ? John thought , about to turn around . " Sorry about that , I had to make sure you weren 't some crazy out to get me , " came the voice again as the door opened , this time all the way . Great , this guy 's paranoid . But he was a professional , and didn 't say anything , just smiled . " Come in . " The apartment had papers strewn all about , so that John had to look closely to see if there was a carpet , or if that was the papers ' function . It was not like most people used much paper these days . John had his touchpad out , ready to take notes , record his conversation , and set to block any calls from his wife . This had better be worth his time . He noticed the window to his right was open . John had lived in this city when he was a child , so he glanced out from where he stood and tried to recognize anything from his youth . The buildings were familiar , but there was a mental ward below that he did not recognize . He tried to remember what had been there before . A dove flew past the window . " Have a seat , " came the voice again , this time with a body . John surveyed his newest story . Glasses , graying hair , white suit coat ( even in his own house ? ) , bad posture , and piercing blue eyes . He was holding a little necklace in his hands , fiddling with it . John sat down on the couch facing the window , surprised it wasn 't covered in papers as well . The middle aged man sat down in front of him on a stool , backlit by the gray sunlight streaming in . The paper crumpled as he walked over it . " So you are the famed Dr . Mark Nitlin , renowned scientist and theorist . " John stated . The man nodded . " Nice place you have here . " Dr Nitlin looked around , embarrassed , as if suddenly aware of the state of his apartment . John waved a hand . " Don 't worry , I 'm not here to judge , I just want your story . They tell me you 've discovered something that could change our lives forever . " Dr . Nitlin straightened up when John started mentioning the discovery , and his whole appearance changed . No longer was he the timid and awkward man from before , but one full of pride and self importance . Much better that way for John , because now it would be all the easier to coax any information from him . " ' I have only shared it with other trusted scientists , but now that I am ready to publish my findings , I also want an article published , so the public at large could understand its significance , without having to know all the scientific details . " " Enemies , huh ? Must be pretty important . And if it is , I assure you , we will be best friends . " Controversies always sold more . It looks like he had come to the right place . " My discovery is not so important by itself , I will admit , no more than any other number of discoveries that have come before it . I am not even sure there are any practical uses for it . " What ? If there was no practical use , then what use was there ? John became worried . " What exactly does your discovery entail , Doctor ? " Instead of answering directly , the scientist stood up and went to the window , looking out on the artificial environment below . Where there had once been trees , now public projector screens played endless advertisements . " In the past decades , especially in the early 2000 's , there have been several major scientific discoveries . With each one , humanity was able to let go of false traditions and turn an eye to the future , towards independence . My breakthrough has scientific importance , but more importantly , it had social and culture relevance . " What is he getting at ? thought John . If there was no real story here , then he had wasted his time . He knew he should have used the teleconference option , instead of coming to meet the guy in person . The man beckoned him to the window , and reluctantly John got up , leaving the soft sofa . Paper crumpled beneath his feet . At the window , Dr . Nitlin rubbed his necklace , which had the number six on the end , and pointed to the mental ward John had noticed earlier . Thinking hard , he came up with an answer , to the surprise of them both . " It was a church . " He remembered his mother taking him there once , although he had been bored the whole time . Dr Nitlin scowled . " Once , it was used to psychologically treat people 's depression , with little success . Now it medically treats it , with much greater success . With our new knowledge and tools , we are evolving as a society . Just like with the Greek Gods , the notions of the past are systematically being replaced as science gives us new understanding of the human condition , our place in the universe , and where we came from . In fact , that is precisely what I discovered . " Now we are getting somewhere , thought John , wanting to get away from the subject of religion . Any mention of that made him queasy . His purpose in life was to make a lot of money , and he was doing well with that , so trying to make him feel bad for anything else he had done did not sit well with him . Although , sometimes he wondered where this world and humanity came from . If the doctor would get on and actually tell him , his visit might serve two purposes , one he had not even foreseen . " What I have done is to complete what so many other scientists , conscious of it or not , have tried to achieve . I represent the culmination of their efforts . The evidence is undeniable ; my colleagues agree with me . This is why I have enemies , because there are always people who oppose humanity 's progress . Soon , the voice of reason will make the blind fools give up , and this part of humanity 's history will come to an end . " I doubt any discovery you made could be so important as to mark an era in history . This guy 's full of himself . " All right , Dr . Nitlin , you 've got my attention . What is so important about your discovery ? Give me a title for the article that is worthy of your achievement . " " Science has always warred against ignorance and superstition . Well , now , I have dealt the deathblow . Science has come out triumphant . What I have proven means there is no longer a need for the struggling churches . John Remalto , you want a title ? Well , here it is . " John looked at the scientist ; he seemed almost in his own world now , the eyes not focusing on anything . His fist clenched the necklace . Chills went down John 's spine as the doctor spoke . Within fifteen minutes , he arrived at the gates . With the help of some of his guards , after dispatching Jadek 's , he pushed open the doors in a dramatic gesture . Light from the cloudy sky filled the hall . His footsteps echoed all around him . Going in deeper , dispatching more guards , Brom entered the hall to confront Jadek . He wanted Arabella , and no one would stop him . Clenching his sword until it hurt , as well as his teeth , he scanned the dark room . At the back facing him was his nemesis . " You have broken the treaty , Brom , " came the voice from the shadows . Brom 's vision adjusted to the darkness . Jadek looked like he wanted to jump out of his throne and strangle him . Brom almost wanted him to try . " I 'm right here , " Arabella said , coming out of the shadows to the right of Jadek . Lush golden hair , delicate face , cherry lips , swaying hips . Brom lost his breath . " You should have left us . " Brom couldn 't believe what he was hearing . She was to be his wife . She couldn 't hate him . He had done so much for her . No , this was a mistake . She had been manipulated . This wasn 't her talking . He knew it . She would never say something like that in her right mind . Jadek had some leverage on her . Thus began the battle , Brom 's guards versus Jadek 's . Brom helped , giving the advantage to his side . The fight lasted several minutes , and Jadek escaped with Arabella , but Brom couldn 't get through . His own side suffered several losses before he disabled the last of them . As soon as possible , he took off after Jadek and Arabella . He wasn 't sure where they had gone , but could guess . The castle wasn 't unfamiliar to him . Because Arabella wore heels , she slowed them down , and Brom found them trying to escape in the back entrance . " She 's not your wife yet , and she came to me . We love each other ; she didn 't want to get married to someone she couldn 't love . Will you not allow us happiness ? " Brom sheathed his sword , breathing hard . He walked up to Jadek , each step a battle . Glancing at Arabella with regret , he held out his hand . Jadek took it , hesitantly . Grabbing onto his hand , Brom took out his sword with the other and impaled Jadek , pulling him closer . Arabella screamed and ran to Brom , hitting him with her fists . Brom ignored her . Jadek 's eyes grew lifeless and he coughed blood . Brom pulled out the sword and let Jadek drop to the ground . Tired of hitting him , Arabella dropped to the ground as well , putting her body over his and crying . Brom left them , sighing . A month later , they were married . Brom was crowned prince of Thromwell as well , ruling in absence of his father . Arabella promised she would hate him forever , and did not let him in her rooms ever , not even on their wedding night . He didn 't have the will to argue . A few days later Brom was on the throne in a pose of deep and sad contemplation . Trumpets started blaring , shaking him from his mental fantasy . The doors opened and in strode a regal figure . someone with a purpose . It reminded Brom of himself so recently , coming in on Jadek . " Brom Filmor , " his father , Reginald , said . Although he said it pleasantly enough , undercurrents of anger were manifest . " I have come for an accounting of the stewardship I left you . " " Yes , yes , " Brom said , waving his hand and turning around . He clasped his hands behind his back . " Hadrian counseled me against all of this , and I didn 't listen . " Reginald stayed silent , but put his chin in his hand . Hadrian cleared his voice and began the report . " There was an … altercation . It ended up in a battle between Thromwell and Filmor . In the end , we lost two hundred and twenty three soldiers . Thromwell lost many more , mostly civilians of fighting age . Also , Jadek , king of Thromwell , was killed . Without heirs , and in the confusion , Brom declared himself king of Thromwell . " " We had to resort to the defensive . The Mithics will be coming to invade soon . I had hoped to recruit from Filmor and Thromwell to put together one last defense of our kingdoms , but with the needless losses you caused , I don 't know if it will be enough . Plus , we cannot count on the morale of Thromwell 's troops , now . They might prefer Mithic rule to our own . " Reginald took a step forward , his anger finally showing . " Is that all you can say ? Sorry ? You destroyed the kingdom while I was gone ! All you had to do was nothing ! Was that so hard ? " They stared at each other . Reginald finally spoke up . " Hopefully the Mithics will allow our family to continue ruling under them . Even though it 's unlikely you 'll be producing heirs anytime soon . I hope you enjoyed being the hero , son . You conquered a kingdom , now we will be conquered . We need great leadership in this time of change . Which means no more heroics . " Brom straightened up on his seat , situated by his father 's throne , empty as usual . This was the first tiding in days that had interested him . In fact , he had been caught up in a daydream about his future wife . He had only met her once , but that had been enough to leave him smitten . Declared one of the beauties of the land , Arabella 's smile , so timid but so knowing at the same time , enchanted him . His thoughts had wandered to the wedding night when the unfortunate news came . " Arabella ! " he said , rising from his seat and whisking his cape in back of him . " Something must be done . Who kidnapped her ? Where were they heading ? " " It would seem the logical conclusion , " one of his advisors , Hadrian , said . " What course of action would you suggest in the absence of your father ? Diplomacy ? Espionage ? " " Heroics , " Brom said , ignoring the messengers kneeling uncomfortably on the hard floor . " There will be no tolerance for such an audacious act . Prepare the military . " " My prince , I would advise against such drastic terms . We have a trade agreement with the Thromwells , and marching an army into their territory would be an egregious break of trust . " Hadrian , with his balding head , furrowed his brows , making him look more ancient than his forty years . Brom remembered the messengers , waiting to be addressed , and waved them away . Most of them left , but one stayed near , half bowing , looking hesitant . Brom waved him away more energetically ; annoyed he had to waste so much energy on the man . The messenger smiled and left , running after his coworkers . Hadrian and Brom were alone now . Hadrian sighed . " You are the regent while your father is gone , and you have every right to be concerned about the welfare of your future wife , but remember that I recommended against it . Only you will answer to your father when this is over . " " And receive all the praise , " Brom said . " Really , this won 't even be an issue . Don 't fret , I will cast you in the best light possible . " " As you will , my prince . I desire the best for your journey . I will notify the general of your decision . But please , do not make enemies lightly . " " Assemble the men , " Brom ordered from his horse . The flag bearer raised the horn and blew . Brom felt the vibrations pulsing as they reverberated through the valley . His men offered up a cheer as the march began . He smiled down on them as a loving father would . He yelled out as loud as he could , hoping his thousand men could hear him . " Your future queen , Arabella , has been kidnapped . We must rescue her . We believe she is held captive in Melfor with the Thromwells . Once we arrive , leave no house , no store , no alley unsearched . " Thinking about Hadrian , he said , " Avoid violence , but use it as necessary . And do whatever is required to save the princess 's life . " The city of Melfor stretched before them , vast as the clouds in the sky . In the distance stood Thromwell castle , where Brom was sure he would find Arabella . In case Jadek , the elder son who recently inherited the throne after his father died of the yellow fever , saw Brom coming and sent Arabella away into the city , he would have his men enter in and search every house . Luckily , most of Jadek 's men were with Brom 's father , fighting in the alliance against the usurpation of the Kingdom of Grim by the Mithics . They made it to the gates of the town before getting any response . One of Jadek 's guards came out to meet them , dressed in violet finery , but looking annoyed . " What is the meaning of this , Prince Brom ? Just because your father didn 't bring as many troops with him to war as we did doesn 't give you the right to trample into our fair city . " " Arabella ? Who is she ? " There was a look of such confusion on the man 's face that for a moment Brom thought he might not know . Only for a moment , though . " Put up your guard , because I am going to rescue her ! " Brom charged Firion with his sword raised . Firion barely had time to take out his sword and block the strike which left him trembling . One of the men escorting Firion backed away and pulled out a horn . It took him a few tries , but it sounded throughout the city , while Firion and Brom fought . Brom 's army marched forward , ready to take on the opposing host . Brom had to admit , the guard was a good swordsman , but that was no surprise , given his position . Still , Brom was bigger and used his brute force to his advantage . His troops marched past him . Swords clashed , ringing nearly as loud as the horn . Thrust , side slash , feint , parry , thrust again . Brom pressed down , hoping to break Firion 's stance . When that didn 't work , he slid down and slid his foot in an arc , trying to trip him , but only managing to unbalance him . Firion fell down , Brom on top . Not about to take any chances , Brom plunged the sword into Firion 's chest , pushing through the armor . Firion just gurgled in surprise , eyes already going blank . Inside the city , people were running out of their houses , screaming . This only encouraged Brom 's army to chase after , pillaging and plundering . Brom hadn 't meant for this to happen , but getting control of them now would be nearly impossible , and he had to get to Castle Thromwell . Taking a unit of disciplined soldiers , he left orders with the general to round up the army and he took off . A few peasants tried to stand up to him , yelling , calling him names , but he just cut them down . The castle stood like a white beacon , and everything else in sight was just a distraction . Arabella was waiting for him . |
After four girls , we were all sure that John would be a girl , too . We decided that our new baby would be named Christine Marie . I drew a picture of my baby sister - to - be on the last day of third grade in Mrs . Gumpers ' class at Our Lady of Sorrows . Every summer , we went to Playschool - the free vacation day camps that the New York City public school system ran in the neighborhood school buildings from early July through the end of August . At the end of the season , there would be a huge gathering of all the schools in the district at Newtown High School 's athletic field , and each school would put on a little musical show . We 'd make costumes out of crepe paper , do the Charleston , sing Oklahoma ! , things like that . It was great fun , and parents were encouraged to attend and cheer for their offspring . It was in the high 90s and humid the day of our pageant . My parents attended anyway - my father brought folding beach chairs , and he and my enormously pregnant mother watched and cheered and sweated in the boiling sun as class after class did their song and dance routine . It was over by about half past four . We piled into the car , went home , had dinner . The phone rang , and Yaya picked up , listened for a minute , and made some uncharacteristically loud sounds . Somehow , Janet and I gathered that we had a brother . We jumped up and down , and ran down the three flights of stairs , yelling . " IT ' S A BOY ! IT ' S A BOY ! ! " Everyone was so happy , so excited that we finally had a brother . When my dad came home , and handed out the first - ever blue cellophane wrapped cigars , the look on his face said everything . I had never before , and never since , seen such a look of pure and absolute joy on his face . That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . Janet and Wally are due in from Maryland at about noon . I have to make some calls before I leave . I 'll be on the 9 : 47AM LIRR to Penn , and pick up the 10 : 37 NJT train to Roselle Park . That will get me to Jersey at about twenty past eleven . I 'll have the chance to get a couple of things done here before I leave , and to get a couple of things done at Dad 's before Janet and Wally arrive . I call the UCPD . The dispatcher recognizes my voice . I ask to speak to the desk sergeant . I verify that the new platoon has my dad 's photo . I tell them we are continuing our search today , and that I need to speak to the detectives when they come in . I can 't listen . I love her , and would have spared her this news if I didn 't feel I had to prepare her for a bad outcome . But , I have my own burden of fear to carry , and it is heavy enough . I detach myself carefully , tell her I have to leave for New Jersey to continue the search , and promise to keep her informed . George and Glenn are waiting for me at Roselle Park . As we edge out of the parking lot , I look at each of them and ask if they mind if I speak very freely . They both nod for me to go ahead . " I think that if we find Dad , we won 't find him alive . We may not ever find him at all . He 's been gone too long . " Glenn says that he didn 't want to be the first one to say that , but he agrees . So does George . They are both relieved that I have said this out loud . I ask George if he thinks Barbara and Alyssa are preparing themselves . He isn 't sure . I tell him about my conversation with Barb in the A & P parking lot on Sunday , when I asked about Alyssa . We get to Dad 's and open up the windows to air it out . The weather 's been beautiful since Dad disappeared ; there was only a brief shower on Saturday , late afternoon ; otherwise , it 's been sunny and not too hot . Glenn 's been taking care of the mail over the weekend , not letting it pile up on the porch . The neighbors all know about Dad , and have walked the woods and the neighborhood themselves . Ron , the neighbor across the street , tells us about a shelter in Elizabeth ; maybe Dad is there . George 's neighbor Joanne had mentioned one too . Both places were on the list that Nancy and Janet have been calling all weekend . None of the neighbors , or the shopkeepers , or the cemetery workers saw him Friday morning . It 's like Dad walked out of his door and into thin air . I have been playing phone tag with the detectives through the day . Finally , I get to speak to them briefly . They give me their direct dial numbers and email addresses . I talk to them about where we looked for Dad over the weekend . Detective George Moutis told me that everywhere he and his partner , Detective Ken Elliot , canvassed , we had already covered . He and his crew had seen scores of our flyers all over Union . And they had fewer leads than we did - they had no sightings at all . They hadn 't come across even one person who had seen Dad on Friday , or since . Janet and Walter are going back to Maryland in the morning ; Nancy , Chris and Grant will be up in the early afternoon . Barbara is at work , and Alyssa is at school . John is flying in on Thursday . I am going home to rest for a day , and go back to work on Wednesday , unless of course Dad is found . When I get home , I tell Frank about what the day has held . We eat our dinner , watch a movie or some South Park episodes ( I don 't remember , and I think I fell asleep ) . Before bed , I email the detectives ' contact information to all the sibs and spouses . I am up by 6AM . Dad has been missing for forty - six hours . I take my shower , check my email and begin with my plan for the day . I spend the early morning tracking down local media outlets - broadcast and cable television , radio , newspapers - and emailing them flyers . By 9AM I have contacted local channels 2 , 4 , 5 , 7 , 9 , 11 and NJ 12 ( who said they needed a press release from the police - that will be my first thing Monday morning , if we haven 't found him by then ) . I contact the NY Post and the NY Daily News . I don 't bother with the Times because this is happening in Jersey and they won 't care . If he is still missing tomorrow , I will also hit the local New Jersey newspapers - I can look them up and get their contact information when I get back tonight . A bit past 9AM , I talk to the dispatch officer at the police station at the beginning of the day shift . The new platoon is out with pictures of Dad in their cars . My mom 's best friend Thea has made the same arrangements at the 110th Precinct in Corona , just in case Dad ( somehow ) did make there . It is looking less and less like a realistic scenario , but we all feel the need to cover all the bases . If I thought he could come up with the idea of flying somewhere , I 'd have posted at the airports too . I just want to find him . All the sibs have the flyer in their email inboxes , and all the sibs are forwarding it to their address books with instructions to pass it on . All of us on Facebook have forwarded the page I created last night . Alyssa made up her own page , using the same layout , and called it Help Me Find My Grandfather . She forwarded the link to all of her Facebook friends and they are in turn forwarding it to theirs . The page has over a hundred " likes " already , most of them Alyssa 's friends in Union . John and Cheryl are tweeting it on Twitter , Barbara is posting it on her fitness boards . Barb emailed me first thing this morning that she 'd had a dream that their cat Dallas was missing . She said she found her on the side of Dad 's house , alive , buried in some snow . Barbara says she is going to look by the side of Dad 's house this morning , again , just in case . At this point , we know that if Dad hasn 't been taken into an ER or shelter by someone , his mobility will be limited , he will be exhausted , hungry , dehydrated , off his meds for more than forty - eight hours . Our best hope for finding him is that he is resting somewhere - a park bench , bleachers , a shady spot under a tree . We covered that ground yesterday and will do it again today . We 're going to visit some of the same places , in case there are new people there who don 't know about Dad . Before I leave , I email Nancy and ask her to find email addresses for Our Lady of Sorrows and P . S . 19 in Corona , and send them the flyer with a note . I ask her to get email addresses for the hospitals and shelters on her call list , and send them the flyer . Everyone at these places is aware that we are looking for Dad ; it will help keep him in the front of their mind if they have a picture to refer to , and the knowledge that there is a family who desperately wants to find him . Barbara offers to fax the flyers from work to any place that doesn 't have an email address . The guy at reception today is the same guy who was there yesterday , and he still hasn 't seen Dad and there have been no John Does admitted . Our flyer is posted on the wall behind the desk , behind the thick Plexiglas window that separates him from me . I use the hospital rest room and go back out to the car . George takes me back to his house , where he and Glenn are working replacing a faucet , and Barb , Alyssa and I leave in Barb 's car . At 2 : 02 PM , my cell rings . It 's George . Patty from Café Z thinks she saw Dad near the Lowe 's on Morris Avenue in Union . It 's two miles from his house , but Dad has walked that far in good weather many times . George and Glenn each get into their cars and separately approach the location Patty described from opposite sides of Morris Avenue . They don 't want to miss him . Walter calls me at 2 : 08 and I tell him about the sighting . I am talking with both him and Janet when Glenn calls me . I switch to Glenn 's call . George is coming up in the other direction , sees Glenn 's car , sees the old man , sees it 's not Dad . They go to Café Z to tell Patty , and to thank her . It 's the only real glimmer of hope we 've had in fifty - four hours . They go back to the house , deflated . I take the 10 : 03AM from Murray Hill to Penn . I bring an extra $ 50 and the Capital One credit card statement so I can stop at the bank at the corner of 7th Avenue and 33rd Street in between trains . The NJT train won 't leave until 11 : 07AM anyway . That 'll give me almost half an hour to cross the street and pay the bill on its due date . It 'll also add the slightest semblance of normalcy to my increasingly surreal situation . When I get to Penn , I go to the NJT ticket machines and get two off - peak round trips ( I can always use them , is my very practical thought ) . I go up the escalator , turn left and walk to the Capital One on the next corner . It is empty at 10 : 35AM . There is one teller on , and no line . I pass the statement and my fifty - dollar bill under the bulletproof glass . She takes the statement and the money , inputs the account information , completes my transaction , and slides me my receipt . We go back to Dad 's , so I can walk around the house myself . I just want to see for myself how he left things . I know this is not logical , because since Dad left , Vee has been here , Glenn has been here , the policemen have been here , detectives have been here , George and Barbara and Alyssa have been here , and maybe some other people , too . We leave Dad 's , grab a quick bite at Galloping Hill , go back to George and Barbara 's house , and go over what 's been done so far . They walked the woods by the house yesterday , and again today . They walked the woods by Washington School again this morning . They 've been driving around the neighborhood . Barb thought she saw Dad when she was out driving and looking . It was about 7AM . She was driving up by Union Station , on Morris Avenue , when she saw an elderly man walking . She slowed down , and took a good look . She couldn 't really tell ; he had his hat pulled down , and he wasn 't facing her . The man 's clothing was similar … . could it be Dad ? She got out of the car , and went up to him , looked at his face , closely . I 'd brought my staple gun and packaging tape with me from home . We have to make a flyer for posting . I ask Barb if I can use her computer . I go downstairs to work . I remember that Alyssa has recent pictures of Dad on her Facebook page - she and Dad visited the cemetery right after one of the huge snowstorms this past winter , and I know that there are a couple of full - face ones . I right - click copy the one where he and Alyssa are looking right at the camera , paste it into an image editor , and crop Alyssa out . I close in on his face and center it . I type my text , fine - tune the spacing and size of the text so it can be easily read from a passing car , and print out about a hundred of them . The first place we visit is the cemetery . We post a flyer on the tree by Mom 's grave and ask her to watch over Dad , and to please help us . We know that if he can be helped , she will see to it . We go to the office and speak to the manager ; he knows my dad . He has seen Dad visit Mom 's grave every day in every kind of weather . He says all the groundskeepers know who Dad is , too . He asks the ones on duty if they saw him . No one can remember if he was there yesterday or not . He promises to keep an eye out . I give him some flyers , and ask his permission to post some more around the cemetery . He agrees . I look back at him over my shoulder on my way out , and I catch the unguarded sadness on his face . We visit every park , every local body of water ( dementia patients are attracted to bodies of water , I had read somewhere , sometime ) every doctor 's office , school and playground that Alyssa ever went to with Mom and Dad , posting flyers . We go to Town Hall ( post , outside and in ) , to the library ( post on the bulletin board and on trees in the parking lot ) , up to Café Z to tell Patty , the owner , and leave her some flyers and our cell phone numbers . She knows Dad well - we 've had our family Thanksgiving dinners there since the year Mom died . We drive up and down endless streets , posting . We leave flyers with whomever we speak with in Union . We post more . In Westfield . In Kenilworth . In Cranford . In Garwood . The first time Dad went for a walk where the cops brought him home , they found him up by Saint Demetrios , almost three miles from his house , a few blocks away from the precinct house . That was almost three months ago , in late March . Two patrolmen just starting their midday shift saw an elderly man who seemed confused and went up to him and asked him if he was okay . He couldn 't figure out where he was , but he knew who he was and where he lived , so they took him home and called Barb at work . At about 2PM , George left a voice mail on my cell to let me know what had happened , and that he had sent Glenn over to Dad 's to look in on him and make sure he was all right . I called Dad as soon as I picked up the voice mail , but only got the answering machine ( with my mother 's voice on the outgoing message ; we 'd never changed it ) . I called Barb , and we tried to figure it out ; we thought that Dad must have been on his way to the cemetery , which meant he was walking for about four hours , if he followed his habit of leaving the house at around 8AM . He had probably just continued on Chestnut Street instead of taking the left fork on to Galloping Hill , at the Five Points intersection where Galloping Hill Road and Chestnut cross the end of Salem Road . He was found all the way up on Rahway Avenue , past the entrance to the Garden State , past the turnoff on to Stuyvesant and Cioffi 's , almost as far from the house as Alyssa 's high school and Café Z . We drive and walk and post flyers for a few more hours , all over Union . By Dad 's house . Around the corners , both ways . On Salem Road . On Chestnut Street , by his bank and the vegetable store where he buys his bananas and the Dunkin Donuts . By Eisenstat 's office on Galloping Hill Road . I am finally exhausted , and George drives me to the station so I can go home . We post flyers all along Chestnut Street as we go . Tomorrow , we will do this again . Tagscaregiving , Come to Me , Duty , elderly parents , faith , family , father , friends , grief , home , hope , joy , loss , love , Matthew 11 : 28 , mercy , missing , Missing Dad , missing persons , parents , patience , prayer , responsibility , search , search dogs , siblings , strength , trust The police meet Vee and Glenn at Dad 's house . They call me for details about Dad and where he would be likely to go . They want to know where he shops , where he banks , if he has friends he liked to see , who his doctor and dentist are , which area schools are the ones Alyssa has attended ( since he had shown up at her elementary school in his pajamas just eight days before ) , what church he attends , and anything else that might help . I have to leave soon , to go to work ; I am the manager - in - training at the Papyrus flagship store on Broadway and 76th Street in Manhattan . I am scheduled for noon until closing , which means I need to be on the 10 : 33 train . I would call out if we weren 't so short - staffed . As it is , our full - time keyholder , Mary , will be alone until I get there . Emery has a travel day and is going to be at both of his other stores giving performance reviews . Jacque isn 't scheduled until four , and since her review is supposed to be at the Columbus Avenue store , she probably isn 't even going to get to Broadway until almost five . If I call out , Mary will be alone either until Jacque comes in , or until Emery can get there . That just won 't work - that store is just too busy , and cannot run with only one person on the floor for six hours - is there anybody else who can cover me on short notice ? No . ( So , what would happen if I got hit by a truck on the way there ? Would they find someone then ? ) I 've managed the floor by myself for hours , or worked a thirteen - hour open - to - close shift when staff calls out or just doesn 't show up ; that 's precisely why I don 't do that to other people . Not even today , with this good a reason . I call Mary on my way to the train to tell her my father is missing . She said , " Oh , did they find him ? " I said , NO , HE IS MISSING . No one knows where he is . I get to Penn before eleven . I have no news from anyone . I have enough time to try to find a charger for my phone . I hadn 't charged it the night before and I 've been on it almost the whole morning . I take the local to 79th Street , stop at the T - Mobile store to see if I can find what I need . No dice - the sales associate practically laughs at my three - year - old no - frills Samsung . I try the electronics store across the street . They don 't have one either , but I do replace my broken watchstrap with a new black leather one . I never bring my cellphone on to the sales floor , but I make an exception this day . I am fielding texts from my sisters asking if there is any news , while I am emailing back and forth with my district manager and Corporate about a man who had attempted to make a fraudulent return in our store . In between , I am ringing up Father 's Day cards for customers . Frank checks in with me a couple of times , to see if I 've heard anything , to hear how I sound . He knows me better than anyone else on God 's green earth . He can pick things up in my voice that even I don 't know are there . Such are the blessings of a long - term happy marriage . " I haven 't heard anything from anyone . I 'm going to Port Authority after work , in case Dad got on a bus . " ( I 'm scared and I don 't know what else to do . ) " No news . Yes , thank you for offering , please come and close the store with Jacque . I don 't know where my father is , and I don 't know what is happening . " I grab a cab on Broadway , and I call home from my cell as the cab makes its way downtown . I am going to Port Authority on the small chance that somehow , my dad tried to come to see me in New York . Maybe he waited at our old bus stop , got on the 113S bus , got out at Port Authority and … . what ? Did I really think he could find his way to the 7 train , go to Corona , or to Flushing ? No , I didn 't . But in case he did , I need to tell the cops to be on the lookout . I hear the worry in my husband 's voice . I have to do this anyway . My mind 's ear hears him saying , " Come home now " when what he is really saying out loud is good luck , be careful . The cabdriver has overheard my conversation , and asks me if I am okay . I tell him my dad disappeared that morning and has been missing all day . I tell him why I am going to Port Authority . He asks me my father 's name so he can keep him in his prayers . We take the turn east on to 42nd Street , past Holy Cross Church , and at the southwest corner of 8th Avenue , he lets me out . I find the police station in the terminal . I speak to the desk sergeant , who asks me to take a seat and wait for the officer who will help me . She is very understanding and kind - she has heard this story before ( but it was never my story before ) . I give her a description of my father . I pull out the wallet - sized studio photo of my whole family that my brother had set up for Dad 's 80th birthday . She photocopies it . When she comes back , I tell her that the day we took the photo was the first time in twelve years that we had all been under the same roof . The only other picture I have of Dad in my wallet is the one from December 1972 , with him and Frank and me all dressed up for a gala dinner dance celebrating Our Lady of Sorrows ' 100th anniversary . In that picture , Dad is five years younger than I am now . I call my mom 's best friend , Thea , as I am leaving the police station - she works at the 110th Precinct in Corona , our old neighborhood . She still lives next door to the house I grew up in , on 42nd Avenue . She will put the word out at the 110 , just in case Dad somehow finds his way " home " to Corona . As soon as her husband hears the news about my dad , he takes a folding chair downstairs and sets it up in front of his building . He will wait there until about midnight , until he is exhausted and has to go upstairs to sleep . He is determined that , if my father comes walking down 42nd Avenue , he will intercept him and return him safely to Union , New Jersey . I won 't find this out for a while yet , but throughout the day , Frank has been trying to find ways to help me . Friday is one of his days at NYU 's School of Medicine , where he is the computer tech for a research group in the Psychiatry department . He has been asking the doctors who work there how he can best help me through whatever is coming . On his way home from work that Friday , he goes up to a police officer and tells him about my missing dad . The cop gives him an outline of what to expect and when , if Dad isn 't found on the first day . Frank is taking the long view ; he already knows that if Dad isn 't found before nightfall , the outcome is unlikely to be positive . When I get to Penn , I stop into the police station on the Long Island Railroad concourse , and tell them my story . They are very kind and , as the Port Authority police did , they take down my information . I get on the 7 : 49 Port Washington train to go home . I get in at about twenty past eight . Frank has dinner waiting for me , keeping warm on the stove . I eat , we talk . Unless we hear something tonight or early tomorrow , I will go to New Jersey in the morning to search for Dad . I will be with Barbara , George , and Alyssa . They , and Glenn , and Alyssa 's boyfriend Kevin have walked the woods by the house and near the Washington School several times already to see if they can find any sign at all of Dad . After dinner , I turn on my computer . All of us sibs and spouses discuss next steps by email . Nancy and her husband , Chris , are thinking of coming up , but I think it 's better if they stay in Maryland for the time being . Their eleven - year - old son , Grant , still has another week or so of school . Nancy and Janet ( who lives two doors down from her , with her husband Walter and their four cats ) can make calls from home - they will call hospitals , senior centers , homeless shelters , soup kitchens , urgent care centers , clinics , and any other place they can think of to see if there are any John Does matching Dad 's description . My 88 year old dad wandered off from his home and has been missing since 8AM Friday morning . He was gone when his morning caregiver arrived . Our extended family and friends and the Union County police are looking for him . I visited the station at Port Authority and talked to the PA police ( just in case he got on a bus , but I doubt it ) . I notified a friend of mine who works in our old home precinct in Corona ( just in case he tries to go back " home " ) . My father has been missing for more than sixteen hours . It 's dark out . He is almost always cold , even on hot summer days . I try not to think about this . I do not succeed . Sometime between dawn and eight AM on Friday the eleventh of June , Tony Karabaic left his home to take a walk . He locked the inside door and the porch door . He didn 't set the alarm because sometimes he would forget how to make it stop . He walked down Huntington , made a left at the corner of Livingston , and walked down past Forest Drive to the shortcut path through the woods to Salem Road . At 8 : 10 that same morning , his morning caregiver , Vee the RN , arrived . She rang the bell ; no answer . She took out her key and let herself in . She stood in the living room and called his name ; no answer . He was hard of hearing ; maybe he just didn 't hear her . His tan corduroy recliner - its worn fringed throw flung haphazardly over it - was empty . The piles of papers on the coffee table were in the same places they were in yesterday . Nothing seemed to be disturbed . There was no radio on - maybe he wasn 't at home ? She would have to look . She walked into the dining room . His pajamas were draped over the back of a dining chair . That was good - the last time he went out for an early morning walk , he was wearing his pajamas and slippers . Vee went into the kitchen . No dishes in the sink or on the table , but the bowl and glass were in the dish drainer . Had he eaten his breakfast ? Where was he ? She glanced over to the kitchen table , to see if his pills were in the gold glass ashtray on the table . There were a couple left in there - she looked to see which ones they were . Good - the afternoon and evening doses of Sinemet , his Parkinson 's med . The morning dose , the Xalatan , and the Felodipine were gone . She walked out of the kitchen to check the small bedroom , where his granddaughter Alyssa 's toys and drawings were . The high - riser bed was made up , with its hand - crocheted afghan neatly tucked beneath the foam bunker cushions , the little stuffed cats and bears neatly arranged atop them . He sometimes took a nap here later in the day , but this bed hadn 't been slept on lately . He was nowhere to be seen . Vee went back into the living room , and up the stairs . She turned left at the top of the stairs , to look in his bedroom . The room reminded her of a monk 's cell , with its spartan twin bed , simple chest , and holy pictures on the wall . The bedsheets and blankets were rumpled ; the room bore the warm , heavy scent of sleep . Okay , it looked like he had spent the night here - that was something . She went into the master bedroom , where his late wife , Georgia , used to sleep . There were papers and envelopes neatly arranged on the white chenille bedspread , but no Tony . She looked in the little office . She looked in the extra bedroom where his kids slept when they stayed for the weekend . She entered the bathroom , pulled the shower curtain aside , checked the bathtub . She went down to the basement . Those stairs were so treacherous . She walked around , both hoping to find him , and hoping not to . But he wasn 't there . The clothes he had worn the day before were also on the dining room chairs . That was another good sign . That meant he definitely hadn 't left last night - Vee had probably just missed him . Maybe he went to the store . He liked bananas , and he 'd eaten his last brown one yesterday . She went back outside to see if he was in the yard . The car was still there , but that was because the battery had died two months ago , and his children had not wanted to replace it . No one wanted him to drive anymore . She 'd heard that they 'd already talked to him about selling the car to Alyssa 's boyfriend . Vee couldn 't get into the garage , but she knocked hard on the door , and then listened to see if she could hear anything inside . Nothing . Barbara had been through something just like this with Dad the week before . In the early morning of June 2nd , he showed up at Alyssa 's old school in his pajamas and slippers . The cops had brought him back home . Vee and Glenn drove for about a half hour , crisscrossing Union . They went to the cemetery - always the first choice . Until recently , no matter what the weather was , he visited Mom 's grave every single day . It had been almost five years . As soon as she got Vee 's text , Barb emailed me that Dad was missing from the house and that Vee and Glenn were out looking . Just before I saw this in my inbox , my husband Frank came into my studio to say we 'd had a missed call from a 908 number . I figured it had to be Vee checking in , so I called her , and that 's how I found out Dad was on the move and no one knew where . It was around nine when I called them - they had been so helpful the other three times this had happened - the policemen had found him and brought him home before any one of us ever knew he was lost . The UCPD dispatcher told me they would send someone to the house . I called Vee , and Glenn , and they went back to Dad 's to meet the cops . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Skype ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Tumblr ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on WhatsApp ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pocket ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Click to print ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . Reblog : What Is Love ? 11 We met for the first time in the sculpture garden of the Museum of Modern Art . I was there with my sketchbook , drawing the massive Gaston Lachaise bronze nude , an Amazon standing with her hands on her hips , surveying the territory ( I really wish I had kept those sketchbooks ) . A voice behind me asked me what I was drawing ; I turned and told him ; we introduced ourselves ; we spent the rest of the afternoon walking MOMA , showing each other our favorite paintings ; he walked me down Fifth Avenue to the subway stop by the main library on 42nd Street . He asked me for my phone number , asked if he could kiss me . I said yes , we kissed , and that was it . When I got home that afternoon , I told my mom I had met the man I was going to marry . Six years later , we did . Thirty - four years later , here we are . It all goes by so fast ; one day , you 're seventeen years old , drawing in the museum , and then you turn around and you 're middle - aged , looking back at forty years with the love of your life and praying for forty more . Some days are interminable ( days when you 're waiting for test results , days when a parent dies , or a job is lost , or you find out you have to move from a place you 've called home for twenty years ) … but how then do years fly by like torn - out pages on the wind ? Every breath , every kiss , every quarrel , every walk in the park and movie watched and meal shared , every laugh , every tear , bridges that first moment , that " What are you drawing ? " moment , with this one , right here , right now . These moments are tied together , and tie us together , like the ribbon that joined our stephana , the crowns we wore as we took our first walk as husband and wife . We have our crowns still , sewn into a linen pillowcase that I embroidered with our initials and wedding date , carefully tucked into the drawer of my maternal grandmother 's tabletop shrine . We wed at the same altar where my parents said their vows , almost twenty - five years to the day before we said ours . All these moments , and days , and years , all are joined and twined into a garland of life and love and joy and tears . And THAT is what love is . It 's made of air , water , flesh , earth , fire , time , effort , grace , joy , pain , grief , laughter , stubbornness , tenacity , art , music , dark chocolate , good red wine , and whatever else is important enough for you to feel compelled to share with your full heart and your open mind . It 's what we are here for . |
Once Nico had gone back over Rose 's wall , Rose continued to fuss about with bowls and washing up and some fancy dessert she 'd concocted instead of apple pie . She didn 't talk much , but patted my shoulder or ruffled my hair every time she walked past . I was still sitting with my head in my hands , living second by second , and her tenderness was comforting . Rose took me by the elbow , manoeuvred me into the lounge and sat me in her squishy armchair . I sat and stared at the screen , taking nothing in . The evening passed in one second intervals . No past , no future . No idea of the time . My head was full of buzzing - I couldn 't think clearly enough about anything to plan ahead , even for the next few minutes . : I think you 're going to stay here tonight , love . I can 't see you in that empty flat of yours . The bed 's made up in the spare room . Ready to turn in ? She took my elbow again and led me to the spare room . ' Don 't worry about brushing your teeth , love , you can sort yourself out tomorrow . Sleep in your clothes , or undies or whatever you want , don 't have any spares I 'm afraid . Not much call for them these days . I 'll wake you up tomorrow so 's you 're ready in plenty of time . She folded back the duvet and left the room . I remained standing for some time , inertia taking over . Eventually I felt my body start to tire and I lay down on the bed . Turned the light off , and spent a lot of seconds in the dark , no idea how many , just one after the other . Must have slept . Dreaming . I am flying . I am playing . Dad and Jay and Nico are on my team . Mum , Beth , Cal and Rose are watching . We are playing the champions . I fly above the pitch and watch my team pushing back the opponents time after time . I fly down and run with them . We pass to each other , we run , we dominate , we score , we win . The crowd goes wild . I can hear Cal cheering . I got to put all the decorations on , and I chose lots of things I 'd made , and some of my favourites . Mum said the tree in the living room was a family tree , because it had things I 'd made on it , and things Dad had given mum , like a big red heart with bells on , and things Mum had made for Dad , and the star on the top was one Granny had bought when it was my first Christmas . I also chose a snowman that Dec and I had made last year , but didn 't get to put on the tree . Mum saw me choose it but didn 't say anything , and didn 't stop me putting it on , even though she knew Dec had made it , and I wondered if things were going to be right again , but I also know she didn 't tell Dad who had helped me make the snowman , even though she talked about all the other decorations , so that made me think again about whether things would ever be right . I loved having Uncle Matty living with us . Although to start with , he was asleep most of the time , I was allowed to play in his room , and often made roads for my cars , or battle grounds for my other toys , on the floor near his bed . Mostly Uncle Matty would lie there with his eyes closed , and he would breathe like he was rattling , but sometimes he would be awake , and he would join in a bit . Uncle Matty liked birds , and knew all the different ones who came and pecked food from the bird feeder in the garden . Mum had put the bird feeder up specially for Uncle Matty , and even though it was winter , there was always lots of flapping and pecking . Sometimes I sat on the bed and we 'd watch together , and I started to recognise some of them . There was a bird book in Uncle Matty 's room , and we 'd look them up together sometimes . There seemed to be some news about the wayward teenager when I 'd been there - home , I guess - just under a week . Jay and Beth had gone off to Devon , I didn 't catch the reason , just that they 'd be gone overnight , leaving me with Mum and a ' carer ' , whose name I also didn 't catch , but who was going to come in to do the Jay shifts last thing on Friday night and first thing on Saturday morning . I hated the idea , had resisted it like mad , saying I could do it myself , even though I knew I could do no such thing . For the last two days I 'd been able to stand on my own - for ten whole seconds , before my knees went and I had to lie down for a couple of hours . I hated being dependent on other people so much . But anyway , while Jay , Beth and Cal were away , Mum sat with me a lot and we chatted , after a fashion . I asked her if she knew what was going on with the teenager . ' He deceived them rather badly about some things he 'd been up to , some kind of car accident where someone died that they knew nothing about , and some kind of thing where some charity money went missing . I think there was something about a fake passport as well . Jameson was very upset and he and Beth feel very let down that he didn 't come to them , and they had to find out from someone else . Jameson doesn 't want any more to do with him . ' ' Wha ? ' No one ever told me anything anymore , in case I got more ill . I felt it was pretty impossible to get much more ill than I was , and wished people would keep me in the loop a bit more . If I was going to peg it , I 'd rather I was in full possession of any available facts , just so I was prepared . Information was always going to come in handy , even in the afterlife , should there prove to be one . Which I doubted . But if I wanted to find out shit , I needed to stop getting sidetracked and listen when people were talking , like Mum , now . ' Well , Calum took it into his head to run away . He took Jameson 's phone and some money , and somehow made it onto a bus and to a theme park . There was a police search , but they couldn 't find him , Beth kept calling me , she was frantic . Anyway , Declan went off on his own search , despite Beth telling him not to , and he found him at the park , safe and well , told Beth where he was , then ran off when they arrived . ' ' Yes dear , he didn 't even know he 'd caused a fuss , although he got a big sit - down lecture about going off without telling anyone . He said he 'd left a clue - he 'd drawn a bus with dinosaurs on the side , but no one had thought it might mean anything . He 's a bright button , that one , it 'll get him into trouble some day . ' And then it was time for carer Sally to put me to bed . She was a large - ish woman about ten years younger than my mum , who laughed her way through my bedtime routine , ignoring the fact she was taking my clothes off and putting my pyjamas on , and believe it or not , I looked forward to her visiting the next day . Eight o ' clock was bloody early for me to be in bed , but it was the only slot the agency had available , and I was so knackered I easily fell asleep . That seemed to be all I did these days - wake up for a bit , maybe a cup of tea or a bit of food , have a brief chat with someone , or maybe listen to them fussing about whether I was warm enough or had eaten enough or had taken my pills , then fall asleep while they were talking and wake up hours later with someone different sitting next to me fussing about the same things , maybe in a different order , just to spice things up a bit . Cal played in my room a lot , and I loved him being there , brrrming his cars or playing cops and robbers with his teddies . It made me feel normal , that a six year old kid wanted to be in my room with me , and not like some outcast with a nasty disease who needed to be locked away . I know they didn 't mean it , and it couldn 't be helped , I couldn 't join in with them , I couldn 't get about on my own , but it made me feel useless and hopeless sometimes , to hear them going about their lives outside my door , while I lay there and slept mine away . Sally came back the next morning , saw me naked again , only this time she had to wipe my bum , a la Jay . She laughed her way through that too , and I wondered if I could ask for her to visit every day . I 'd thought it would be more embarrassing having a stranger do that for me , but it wasn 't . Having Jay do it , who saw me every day , and was my brother , was infinitely worse . I asked her about it , and she said she 'd be more than happy if the agency could fit it in , but she thought I 'd be doing it on my own soon , so not to worry . That cheered me up loads . I recognised that I 'd made a lot of progress since being admitted to hospital . It 's not hard to see progress from ' nearly dead ' to ' mostly alive ' . But any progress I was making here seemed so slow . I tried to look back to what I 'd been like in hospital , but it was all jumbled and I couldn 't get a clear picture in my head . It was heartening to hear someone say they thought I 'd be better soon than I was now . I hadn 't talked to Dec since I saw him at Dinosaurland , and although I had talked to Mum about him a bit , Dad still went all cross when I said his name . Mum said that Dec had decided to live away from us , but she didn 't really know why , and yes , he had done some bad things , but sometimes doing bad things doesn 't mean you 're a bad man . I tried to ask if we could see Dec , or if he was going to come and see us , but Mum just said and wouldn 't answer when I asked if that meant no never , or no not today . She looked sad and shook her head , though , and I thought she might not be as cross with him as Dad was . Since I saw Dec at Dinosaurland , I 'd stopped being worried about if he was a bad man or not . He had seemed exactly the same , and wasn 't mean or nasty to me , and my shock at him telling me he had stolen and lied faded over time . We were only going to stay with Nico and Lis overnight , then Dad was doing work on Saturday , Nico was playing rugby and Mum and Lis were shopping . Which meant I was shopping too , because I wasn 't allowed to go with Dad . I hated shopping , because they never went in interesting shops with toys and cool trainers , they always went in ladies ' shops , and sat drinking coffee and talking about hoovering , but I decided to use it as an opportunity to look out for Dec . I didn 't think I 'd see him in the ladies ' shops , but there was a chance he might be walking around , or looking at the toys like he used to with me . When we arrived at Nico and Lis 's house , Nico was out , and Lis said dinner was nearly ready , so she phoned Nico to make him come home . I was really hungry , and could smell dinner , which I hoped was chicken nuggets . Mum and Dad and Lis talked about grown up things like how many cars were on the road on the journey , but never about how many were blue or red , like I 'd been counting , and then Nico came back . He seemed a bit different from normal Nico , and just stood in the doorway of the living room looking at Dad . Lis walked over to him and put a hand on his arm . ' OK , then , I say . I just leave Declan , he is not right , he is crying much , too much , we worry he don 't stop . He blame himself for too much , we worry we don 't leave him on his own , we worry what he do , if he want to live , I worry about him very much - ' Mum pulled Dad to his feet and out of the room with Nico , shutting the door behind them . Lis got out her tin of sweets and offered them to me . I took one , a green triangle , and unwrapped it slowly while I thought . ' I know Cal . It 's hard for you all , isn 't it . Hey , while Nico 's talking to Mummy and Daddy , why don 't we play Pokemon on Nico 's PlayStation ? ' ' Yes , we finish talking . Jaime and Beth stay in the kitchen and wait for their dinner . Is ready , baby ? ' ' Yeah , it 's ready , although Cal 's chicken nuggets might be a bit hard by now . How do you feel about rubbery nuggets , Cal ? ' To the best of my memory , the nuggets were a bit hard and a darker brown than I liked , but Mum and Dad were weird , and so I didn 't say anything . Mum and Dad hardly spoke , and kept looking at each other as they picked at their dinner . Nico and Lis talked to me , and we played ' I went to the shop and in my basket I put ' for ages . Our cat , Tabitha , came through the cat flap while we were eating , and she jumped up on my lap . Lis and Nico were looking after Tabs while we weren 't living at home , and I had almost forgotten about her , but I was really happy to see her . She rubbed her face along mine , and purred as I stroked her . Mum looked really happy to see her too , but Dad didn 't ; he always called her ' that damn cat ' when she did things like scratch the sofa and be sick and bring in mice with their heads bitten off , but he never called her ' that nice cat ' when she purred , and sat on your lap to make you warm , and played with her ball . Woke to an insistent buzzing , but it might have been in my head . It was dark . Couldn 't work out where I was . Who I was . Lay listening to the buzzing . More sounds , a door , footsteps , the buzzing stopped . A voice . Silence . Thoughts swirled round . Pieced themselves together from fragments , one by one . Remembered . Sleep shattered , I lay and looked at the darkness . Second by second . It got better as time went on and I could focus for longer . Rose stopped having to remind me to put one foot in front of the other , and I coped on my own . I had to get clean clothes and my Raiders kit from my flat , but one foot in front of the other was all I could handle . Didn 't think about anything , did the stairs one at a time , got my stuff together and went back down to Rose 's flat . One step , one second , one minute at a time . Rose was in a dither when I got back . : Listen , love , we 're going to have to be a bit clever with these reporter buggers . I 've seen people looking over the wall , they might be round the back . They 've been bothering everyone coming in and out too . What I 'm going to do is go out and talk to them , make up some stuff . That 'll get them all round the front , hopefully . You go over the wall , here 's my keys , my car 's in the second garage from the end . Wait in the car for me . I 'll take you up the club . I tried to remember what Rose had said . It seemed important . Today was important , wasn 't it . I had to do today , then I could stop , stop it all . She pulled on a coat and left the flat , while I shook myself and tried to get ready to act . I peered out of the kitchen from behind the curtain . Saw the tops of two heads a bit further along , which hurried away after a couple of minutes . Jumped over the wall and ran to the garages . Fumbled with Rose 's key , opened the garage door , pulled it down almost shut behind me and got into Rose 's tiny Nissan in the dark . Shut my eyes . Everything felt surreal . I was functioning completely on autopilot , only really able to cope with the next task . It would have to be my strategy now . Next job - wait for Rose . Waited . Second by second . The sound of the garage door opening made me jump . I squinted in the daylight . Rose got into the driver 's seat , started the car , pulled out of the garage , got out to close the door , got back in . She was smiling , hugely pleased with herself . : I can 't believe it worked ! They fell for it . I told them a pack of lies , how they were sending a big fancy car for you in a few minutes , what a waste of money , how I 'd seen you in the hallway and you 'd be out any minute . I let them take pictures like I was enjoying the limelight , gave them a false name , then I walked off and let them wait . I feel like a spy , I do . You alright love ? I focussed on the lefts , rights and straight ons . Rose was not a confident driver and needed a lot of warning before she needed to make a turn . She didn 't talk much , except to clarify a direction , and seemed relieved when we arrived in the car park . I nodded . My heart rate had shot up , my one second at a time strategy under serious threat as reality banged on the door and I could no longer push away what I was facing . I opened the car door almost in a dream . Turned back to Rose . One more thing I had to do . I got out , shut the door and watched her drive away . It felt like a goodbye . After today , nothing would be … the same . Turned to the players ' door . It was now open , and Adrian Peters was standing there . . Hi Declan . Just checking you 're OK out here . We had some gentlemen of the press hanging about earlier , had to be quite firm . Seems all quiet now , though . Come on through . I followed him into the building . . I think Don wants to see you first , then we 'll all get together about this afternoon 's press conference . See you later . I made my way , one foot in front of the other , to Don 's office . His door was open and he sat looking at his computer screen . I tapped on the door , heart racing , hardly breathing . He looked up . I tried to sit up and look normal , although spaced out is exactly how I felt . My heart was pounding , I felt sick and my head was buzzing again . I couldn 't think of a single thing to say except ' for fuck 's sake get this over with ' . The words kept going round and round my head , and I had to keep stopping myself from saying them . Don shuffled some papers on his desk and looked as awkward as I felt . Stuart came in , shut the door and sat next to me . He looked at me and nodded . I had a strange sensation of floating away from myself , separating myself from reality . Nothing really mattered now , I knew what was going to happen , no nerves any more The floating Declan watched dispassionately . The real Declan was cocooned somewhere , not feeling a thing . Don was speaking . I drifted in and out , the odd word attracting my attention , but the buzzing drowned out most of what was said . It didn 't matter , anyway . It was all finishing now . So there it was . All finished now . Floating Declan disappeared and left me on my own . Don and Stuart were looking at me expectantly . ' Er … ' - OK , I think we need to start again . I need you to listen . I know this is difficult , but I don 't think we had your full attention . I 'm not sure you 're quite yourself . Listen to me and focus . - We 're keeping you on . Stuart feels you 've worked hard enough in training and on rebuilding relationships with the other players to warrant a second chance . Do you understand so far ? - No . I can 't deny that you have made some serious errors of judgement , but we feel there is still a place for you here . Some of the senior players have spoken on your behalf and we also feel that the commitment , resilience and character you have shown through some hard times have been impressive . My head was spinning wildly and I felt faint . It was all going too fast . It should be finished by now , over , so I could stop , but Don was saying … what was he saying ? A tiny spark of hope , the last I 'd allowed to hide down there somewhere , suddenly flared into life . - You are having trouble retaining this , aren 't you . I thought you didn 't look quite with it when you came in . OK . Words of few syllables . You are staying . You are still suspended until the end of the season . You are now dual registered with Trojans . Got that so far ? I was completely overwhelmed . Physically , mentally , all my senses . I lost all ability to speak or put any coherent thought or action together . Sat staring at the grandstand out of the window . My mind was trying to process the new information . One fact got through the log - jam . I was staying ! It was wonderful , amazing , incomprehensible , glorious , what had a worthless piece of shit like me done to deserve it ? Declan ! I 'm a bit worried about your ability to concentrate . I know this has been tough on you , maybe I hadn 't quite realised how much . I think you need somewhere quiet to have a think . We need to talk through the press conference with Adrian soon , but I think I 'm going to suggest that before that , you have a sit down - maybe one of the hospitality suites ? They won 't be used for another couple of hours . We 'll come and find you when we need you . You need to be coherent and follow what 's going on . Eat something and drink something . You need to be sharp . Understand ? I nodded . Followed Stuart out of the room and upstairs to one of the plush suites overlooking the pitch . I sat in a soft armchair and stared out of the window . Brain fog gradually melted away and I began to really understand what had happened . I had been given the most enormous second chance . I had spent so much of the last twenty four hours believing that all this would be gone by now , that rearranging it all in my head was proving difficult . I hadn 't lost it all . I 'd thrown a hell of a lot away , but I still had Raiders . Don was right , it was going to take a lot of getting my head around . I suddenly smiled broadly . Couldn 't remember the last time I 'd felt really happy . The good feeling spread through me like a flame . I stood up , threw my arms wide and shouted : ' Yes ! ' I felt dizzy with it . I knew I had been very lucky , it would have been a very close decision , whether I stayed or not , had more people to thank than I would ever know . But I was here and I was staying . Unbelievable . Unfuckingbelievable ! So Mum and I had another day of lazily chatting about nothing . We watched birds flitting on and off the feeder ; I had started to tell the difference between them and wanted to know what they were . I knew some of them - sparrow , blue - tit , blackbird - but wanted to know the rest . ' Muhm , nehd my iPahd . ' It was the first time I 'd felt strong enough to look at a screen of any sort . Even the TV in my room was too much to concentrate on . ' Oh . Oh Matthew . ' Mum was looking very agitated , and wouldn 't meet my eyes . ' We didn 't know how to tell you . ' ' Wha ? ' ' Wha has ? ' I had some vague idea that someone had wiped my iPad . Well no problem , it 's easy to just download it all again , you just - ' Oh Matthew , I 'm so sorry , dear . Jameson and Beth went over there to get you some things , I gave them my key , and everything was gone . All your furniture , fridge , cooker , there was no iPad , no computer , no TV , your clothes were in a heap on the bedroom floor . ' Her meaning was plain . ' Cahrie . ' Something broke in me . I hadn 't thought there was anything left to break , but I 'd obviously been saving a last tiny piece , cradling it against the hurt . Now it was shattered too . I 'd wondered if Carrie had thought about me , known how ill I 'd been , tried to visit me maybe , once she realised I 'd nearly died . I hadn 't had the balls to ask , because to hear that she hadn 't would have stripped away that last little rag which covered what remained of my hope that it had all been some kind of übermisunderstanding . Now this news had done exactly the same job . Carrie cared less than nothing about me , and now I knew that for sure . I hadn 't given my phone a thought until now , an indication of how ill I actually was , but suddenly , without it , I was lost , adrift . I couldn 't contact anyone , not the friends who hadn 't replied to my texts , not work , not my GP , not the best Indian takeaway in Stafford , not Carrie to scream at her , nobody . She 'd taken my life when she took my phone , and she would have known that , and it obviously had made no difference whatsoever . Even if it wasn 't her who actually took everything away , she was the one who 'd let them in , or given them a key . I 'd thought I 'd be able to forgive Carrie if I ever got the chance , but this , this last indignity , this insult , while I lay nearly dying in hospital , it shifted something inside me , and the last spark of love I 'd had for her winked out to be replaced by something hard and cold and ugly that needing saving for another day . Without my phone , none of my friends would know what had happened , I couldn 't call them . Maybe Carrie hadn 't cared enough to wonder how I was in the days after she pulled my world down around me , but surely my friends would have tried to phone , would have found out where I was , somehow ? I hadn 't told any of them about the bastard MS , still couldn 't find the words , had shut myself away a bit , and I hadn 't had the energy to think about it before I was confronted with it now , but there had been no contact , from anyone . Jay and Beth had been in touch with work , and there had been a card from them and some flowers , but nothing from anyone else . It was like Carrie had taken my whole life , not just my stuff . Stuff didn 't matter , you could get new stuff , but people mattered , and … I started to wonder what she 'd told them to make them stay away . I 'd tried to call people before I got ill the first time , and nobody had picked up . What if she told them I 'd left her , I 'd been the one in the wrong ? It was too much . I needed to let it go , let it float away for now . It was still tethered to me , I could feel it tugging , but I couldn 't bear to look at it . I didn 't speak for most of the rest of that day . I told Mum to go away , I just wanted to be on my own to think about what she 'd told me . I couldn 't blame them all , not really , for keeping it from me . Apart from anything , I wouldn 't have remembered if they 'd told me , and it wasn 't something that would have been easy to say once , let alone twice or three times while I battled my way through the fog in hospital . Human of several decades experience . Full time employment , part - time enjoyment . Searching for the fountain of youth in the sure knowledge that it will be full of beer cans and dog piss . Plan B is the fountain of age , which will be found next to a comfy chair with the TV remote in easy reach . View all posts by 00dreams00 Author 00dreams00Posted on April 19 , 2017Categories FictionTags Betrayed , End it all , Family , Fiction , Heartbreak , Love , MS , Revelation , Rugby , Serialised , Surprise Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here . . . |
That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . Janet and Wally are due in from Maryland at about noon . I have to make some calls before I leave . I 'll be on the 9 : 47AM LIRR to Penn , and pick up the 10 : 37 NJT train to Roselle Park . That will get me to Jersey at about twenty past eleven . I 'll have the chance to get a couple of things done here before I leave , and to get a couple of things done at Dad 's before Janet and Wally arrive . I call the UCPD . The dispatcher recognizes my voice . I ask to speak to the desk sergeant . I verify that the new platoon has my dad 's photo . I tell them we are continuing our search today , and that I need to speak to the detectives when they come in . I can 't listen . I love her , and would have spared her this news if I didn 't feel I had to prepare her for a bad outcome . But , I have my own burden of fear to carry , and it is heavy enough . I detach myself carefully , tell her I have to leave for New Jersey to continue the search , and promise to keep her informed . George and Glenn are waiting for me at Roselle Park . As we edge out of the parking lot , I look at each of them and ask if they mind if I speak very freely . They both nod for me to go ahead . " I think that if we find Dad , we won 't find him alive . We may not ever find him at all . He 's been gone too long . " Glenn says that he didn 't want to be the first one to say that , but he agrees . So does George . They are both relieved that I have said this out loud . I ask George if he thinks Barbara and Alyssa are preparing themselves . He isn 't sure . I tell him about my conversation with Barb in the A & P parking lot on Sunday , when I asked about Alyssa . We get to Dad 's and open up the windows to air it out . The weather 's been beautiful since Dad disappeared ; there was only a brief shower on Saturday , late afternoon ; otherwise , it 's been sunny and not too hot . Glenn 's been taking care of the mail over the weekend , not letting it pile up on the porch . The neighbors all know about Dad , and have walked the woods and the neighborhood themselves . Ron , the neighbor across the street , tells us about a shelter in Elizabeth ; maybe Dad is there . George 's neighbor Joanne had mentioned one too . Both places were on the list that Nancy and Janet have been calling all weekend . None of the neighbors , or the shopkeepers , or the cemetery workers saw him Friday morning . It 's like Dad walked out of his door and into thin air . I have been playing phone tag with the detectives through the day . Finally , I get to speak to them briefly . They give me their direct dial numbers and email addresses . I talk to them about where we looked for Dad over the weekend . Detective George Moutis told me that everywhere he and his partner , Detective Ken Elliot , canvassed , we had already covered . He and his crew had seen scores of our flyers all over Union . And they had fewer leads than we did - they had no sightings at all . They hadn 't come across even one person who had seen Dad on Friday , or since . Janet and Walter are going back to Maryland in the morning ; Nancy , Chris and Grant will be up in the early afternoon . Barbara is at work , and Alyssa is at school . John is flying in on Thursday . I am going home to rest for a day , and go back to work on Wednesday , unless of course Dad is found . When I get home , I tell Frank about what the day has held . We eat our dinner , watch a movie or some South Park episodes ( I don 't remember , and I think I fell asleep ) . Before bed , I email the detectives ' contact information to all the sibs and spouses . I am up by 6AM . Dad has been missing for forty - six hours . I take my shower , check my email and begin with my plan for the day . I spend the early morning tracking down local media outlets - broadcast and cable television , radio , newspapers - and emailing them flyers . By 9AM I have contacted local channels 2 , 4 , 5 , 7 , 9 , 11 and NJ 12 ( who said they needed a press release from the police - that will be my first thing Monday morning , if we haven 't found him by then ) . I contact the NY Post and the NY Daily News . I don 't bother with the Times because this is happening in Jersey and they won 't care . If he is still missing tomorrow , I will also hit the local New Jersey newspapers - I can look them up and get their contact information when I get back tonight . A bit past 9AM , I talk to the dispatch officer at the police station at the beginning of the day shift . The new platoon is out with pictures of Dad in their cars . My mom 's best friend Thea has made the same arrangements at the 110th Precinct in Corona , just in case Dad ( somehow ) did make there . It is looking less and less like a realistic scenario , but we all feel the need to cover all the bases . If I thought he could come up with the idea of flying somewhere , I 'd have posted at the airports too . I just want to find him . All the sibs have the flyer in their email inboxes , and all the sibs are forwarding it to their address books with instructions to pass it on . All of us on Facebook have forwarded the page I created last night . Alyssa made up her own page , using the same layout , and called it Help Me Find My Grandfather . She forwarded the link to all of her Facebook friends and they are in turn forwarding it to theirs . The page has over a hundred " likes " already , most of them Alyssa 's friends in Union . John and Cheryl are tweeting it on Twitter , Barbara is posting it on her fitness boards . Barb emailed me first thing this morning that she 'd had a dream that their cat Dallas was missing . She said she found her on the side of Dad 's house , alive , buried in some snow . Barbara says she is going to look by the side of Dad 's house this morning , again , just in case . At this point , we know that if Dad hasn 't been taken into an ER or shelter by someone , his mobility will be limited , he will be exhausted , hungry , dehydrated , off his meds for more than forty - eight hours . Our best hope for finding him is that he is resting somewhere - a park bench , bleachers , a shady spot under a tree . We covered that ground yesterday and will do it again today . We 're going to visit some of the same places , in case there are new people there who don 't know about Dad . Before I leave , I email Nancy and ask her to find email addresses for Our Lady of Sorrows and P . S . 19 in Corona , and send them the flyer with a note . I ask her to get email addresses for the hospitals and shelters on her call list , and send them the flyer . Everyone at these places is aware that we are looking for Dad ; it will help keep him in the front of their mind if they have a picture to refer to , and the knowledge that there is a family who desperately wants to find him . Barbara offers to fax the flyers from work to any place that doesn 't have an email address . The guy at reception today is the same guy who was there yesterday , and he still hasn 't seen Dad and there have been no John Does admitted . Our flyer is posted on the wall behind the desk , behind the thick Plexiglas window that separates him from me . I use the hospital rest room and go back out to the car . George takes me back to his house , where he and Glenn are working replacing a faucet , and Barb , Alyssa and I leave in Barb 's car . At 2 : 02 PM , my cell rings . It 's George . Patty from Café Z thinks she saw Dad near the Lowe 's on Morris Avenue in Union . It 's two miles from his house , but Dad has walked that far in good weather many times . George and Glenn each get into their cars and separately approach the location Patty described from opposite sides of Morris Avenue . They don 't want to miss him . Walter calls me at 2 : 08 and I tell him about the sighting . I am talking with both him and Janet when Glenn calls me . I switch to Glenn 's call . George is coming up in the other direction , sees Glenn 's car , sees the old man , sees it 's not Dad . They go to Café Z to tell Patty , and to thank her . It 's the only real glimmer of hope we 've had in fifty - four hours . They go back to the house , deflated . I take the 10 : 03AM from Murray Hill to Penn . I bring an extra $ 50 and the Capital One credit card statement so I can stop at the bank at the corner of 7th Avenue and 33rd Street in between trains . The NJT train won 't leave until 11 : 07AM anyway . That 'll give me almost half an hour to cross the street and pay the bill on its due date . It 'll also add the slightest semblance of normalcy to my increasingly surreal situation . When I get to Penn , I go to the NJT ticket machines and get two off - peak round trips ( I can always use them , is my very practical thought ) . I go up the escalator , turn left and walk to the Capital One on the next corner . It is empty at 10 : 35AM . There is one teller on , and no line . I pass the statement and my fifty - dollar bill under the bulletproof glass . She takes the statement and the money , inputs the account information , completes my transaction , and slides me my receipt . We go back to Dad 's , so I can walk around the house myself . I just want to see for myself how he left things . I know this is not logical , because since Dad left , Vee has been here , Glenn has been here , the policemen have been here , detectives have been here , George and Barbara and Alyssa have been here , and maybe some other people , too . We leave Dad 's , grab a quick bite at Galloping Hill , go back to George and Barbara 's house , and go over what 's been done so far . They walked the woods by the house yesterday , and again today . They walked the woods by Washington School again this morning . They 've been driving around the neighborhood . Barb thought she saw Dad when she was out driving and looking . It was about 7AM . She was driving up by Union Station , on Morris Avenue , when she saw an elderly man walking . She slowed down , and took a good look . She couldn 't really tell ; he had his hat pulled down , and he wasn 't facing her . The man 's clothing was similar … . could it be Dad ? She got out of the car , and went up to him , looked at his face , closely . I 'd brought my staple gun and packaging tape with me from home . We have to make a flyer for posting . I ask Barb if I can use her computer . I go downstairs to work . I remember that Alyssa has recent pictures of Dad on her Facebook page - she and Dad visited the cemetery right after one of the huge snowstorms this past winter , and I know that there are a couple of full - face ones . I right - click copy the one where he and Alyssa are looking right at the camera , paste it into an image editor , and crop Alyssa out . I close in on his face and center it . I type my text , fine - tune the spacing and size of the text so it can be easily read from a passing car , and print out about a hundred of them . The first place we visit is the cemetery . We post a flyer on the tree by Mom 's grave and ask her to watch over Dad , and to please help us . We know that if he can be helped , she will see to it . We go to the office and speak to the manager ; he knows my dad . He has seen Dad visit Mom 's grave every day in every kind of weather . He says all the groundskeepers know who Dad is , too . He asks the ones on duty if they saw him . No one can remember if he was there yesterday or not . He promises to keep an eye out . I give him some flyers , and ask his permission to post some more around the cemetery . He agrees . I look back at him over my shoulder on my way out , and I catch the unguarded sadness on his face . We visit every park , every local body of water ( dementia patients are attracted to bodies of water , I had read somewhere , sometime ) every doctor 's office , school and playground that Alyssa ever went to with Mom and Dad , posting flyers . We go to Town Hall ( post , outside and in ) , to the library ( post on the bulletin board and on trees in the parking lot ) , up to Café Z to tell Patty , the owner , and leave her some flyers and our cell phone numbers . She knows Dad well - we 've had our family Thanksgiving dinners there since the year Mom died . We drive up and down endless streets , posting . We leave flyers with whomever we speak with in Union . We post more . In Westfield . In Kenilworth . In Cranford . In Garwood . The first time Dad went for a walk where the cops brought him home , they found him up by Saint Demetrios , almost three miles from his house , a few blocks away from the precinct house . That was almost three months ago , in late March . Two patrolmen just starting their midday shift saw an elderly man who seemed confused and went up to him and asked him if he was okay . He couldn 't figure out where he was , but he knew who he was and where he lived , so they took him home and called Barb at work . At about 2PM , George left a voice mail on my cell to let me know what had happened , and that he had sent Glenn over to Dad 's to look in on him and make sure he was all right . I called Dad as soon as I picked up the voice mail , but only got the answering machine ( with my mother 's voice on the outgoing message ; we 'd never changed it ) . I called Barb , and we tried to figure it out ; we thought that Dad must have been on his way to the cemetery , which meant he was walking for about four hours , if he followed his habit of leaving the house at around 8AM . He had probably just continued on Chestnut Street instead of taking the left fork on to Galloping Hill , at the Five Points intersection where Galloping Hill Road and Chestnut cross the end of Salem Road . He was found all the way up on Rahway Avenue , past the entrance to the Garden State , past the turnoff on to Stuyvesant and Cioffi 's , almost as far from the house as Alyssa 's high school and Café Z . We drive and walk and post flyers for a few more hours , all over Union . By Dad 's house . Around the corners , both ways . On Salem Road . On Chestnut Street , by his bank and the vegetable store where he buys his bananas and the Dunkin Donuts . By Eisenstat 's office on Galloping Hill Road . I am finally exhausted , and George drives me to the station so I can go home . We post flyers all along Chestnut Street as we go . Tomorrow , we will do this again . Tagscaregiving , Come to Me , Duty , elderly parents , faith , family , father , friends , grief , home , hope , joy , loss , love , Matthew 11 : 28 , mercy , missing , Missing Dad , missing persons , parents , patience , prayer , responsibility , search , search dogs , siblings , strength , trust The police meet Vee and Glenn at Dad 's house . They call me for details about Dad and where he would be likely to go . They want to know where he shops , where he banks , if he has friends he liked to see , who his doctor and dentist are , which area schools are the ones Alyssa has attended ( since he had shown up at her elementary school in his pajamas just eight days before ) , what church he attends , and anything else that might help . I have to leave soon , to go to work ; I am the manager - in - training at the Papyrus flagship store on Broadway and 76th Street in Manhattan . I am scheduled for noon until closing , which means I need to be on the 10 : 33 train . I would call out if we weren 't so short - staffed . As it is , our full - time keyholder , Mary , will be alone until I get there . Emery has a travel day and is going to be at both of his other stores giving performance reviews . Jacque isn 't scheduled until four , and since her review is supposed to be at the Columbus Avenue store , she probably isn 't even going to get to Broadway until almost five . If I call out , Mary will be alone either until Jacque comes in , or until Emery can get there . That just won 't work - that store is just too busy , and cannot run with only one person on the floor for six hours - is there anybody else who can cover me on short notice ? No . ( So , what would happen if I got hit by a truck on the way there ? Would they find someone then ? ) I 've managed the floor by myself for hours , or worked a thirteen - hour open - to - close shift when staff calls out or just doesn 't show up ; that 's precisely why I don 't do that to other people . Not even today , with this good a reason . I call Mary on my way to the train to tell her my father is missing . She said , " Oh , did they find him ? " I said , NO , HE IS MISSING . No one knows where he is . I get to Penn before eleven . I have no news from anyone . I have enough time to try to find a charger for my phone . I hadn 't charged it the night before and I 've been on it almost the whole morning . I take the local to 79th Street , stop at the T - Mobile store to see if I can find what I need . No dice - the sales associate practically laughs at my three - year - old no - frills Samsung . I try the electronics store across the street . They don 't have one either , but I do replace my broken watchstrap with a new black leather one . I never bring my cellphone on to the sales floor , but I make an exception this day . I am fielding texts from my sisters asking if there is any news , while I am emailing back and forth with my district manager and Corporate about a man who had attempted to make a fraudulent return in our store . In between , I am ringing up Father 's Day cards for customers . Frank checks in with me a couple of times , to see if I 've heard anything , to hear how I sound . He knows me better than anyone else on God 's green earth . He can pick things up in my voice that even I don 't know are there . Such are the blessings of a long - term happy marriage . " I haven 't heard anything from anyone . I 'm going to Port Authority after work , in case Dad got on a bus . " ( I 'm scared and I don 't know what else to do . ) " No news . Yes , thank you for offering , please come and close the store with Jacque . I don 't know where my father is , and I don 't know what is happening . " I grab a cab on Broadway , and I call home from my cell as the cab makes its way downtown . I am going to Port Authority on the small chance that somehow , my dad tried to come to see me in New York . Maybe he waited at our old bus stop , got on the 113S bus , got out at Port Authority and … . what ? Did I really think he could find his way to the 7 train , go to Corona , or to Flushing ? No , I didn 't . But in case he did , I need to tell the cops to be on the lookout . I hear the worry in my husband 's voice . I have to do this anyway . My mind 's ear hears him saying , " Come home now " when what he is really saying out loud is good luck , be careful . The cabdriver has overheard my conversation , and asks me if I am okay . I tell him my dad disappeared that morning and has been missing all day . I tell him why I am going to Port Authority . He asks me my father 's name so he can keep him in his prayers . We take the turn east on to 42nd Street , past Holy Cross Church , and at the southwest corner of 8th Avenue , he lets me out . I find the police station in the terminal . I speak to the desk sergeant , who asks me to take a seat and wait for the officer who will help me . She is very understanding and kind - she has heard this story before ( but it was never my story before ) . I give her a description of my father . I pull out the wallet - sized studio photo of my whole family that my brother had set up for Dad 's 80th birthday . She photocopies it . When she comes back , I tell her that the day we took the photo was the first time in twelve years that we had all been under the same roof . The only other picture I have of Dad in my wallet is the one from December 1972 , with him and Frank and me all dressed up for a gala dinner dance celebrating Our Lady of Sorrows ' 100th anniversary . In that picture , Dad is five years younger than I am now . I call my mom 's best friend , Thea , as I am leaving the police station - she works at the 110th Precinct in Corona , our old neighborhood . She still lives next door to the house I grew up in , on 42nd Avenue . She will put the word out at the 110 , just in case Dad somehow finds his way " home " to Corona . As soon as her husband hears the news about my dad , he takes a folding chair downstairs and sets it up in front of his building . He will wait there until about midnight , until he is exhausted and has to go upstairs to sleep . He is determined that , if my father comes walking down 42nd Avenue , he will intercept him and return him safely to Union , New Jersey . I won 't find this out for a while yet , but throughout the day , Frank has been trying to find ways to help me . Friday is one of his days at NYU 's School of Medicine , where he is the computer tech for a research group in the Psychiatry department . He has been asking the doctors who work there how he can best help me through whatever is coming . On his way home from work that Friday , he goes up to a police officer and tells him about my missing dad . The cop gives him an outline of what to expect and when , if Dad isn 't found on the first day . Frank is taking the long view ; he already knows that if Dad isn 't found before nightfall , the outcome is unlikely to be positive . When I get to Penn , I stop into the police station on the Long Island Railroad concourse , and tell them my story . They are very kind and , as the Port Authority police did , they take down my information . I get on the 7 : 49 Port Washington train to go home . I get in at about twenty past eight . Frank has dinner waiting for me , keeping warm on the stove . I eat , we talk . Unless we hear something tonight or early tomorrow , I will go to New Jersey in the morning to search for Dad . I will be with Barbara , George , and Alyssa . They , and Glenn , and Alyssa 's boyfriend Kevin have walked the woods by the house and near the Washington School several times already to see if they can find any sign at all of Dad . After dinner , I turn on my computer . All of us sibs and spouses discuss next steps by email . Nancy and her husband , Chris , are thinking of coming up , but I think it 's better if they stay in Maryland for the time being . Their eleven - year - old son , Grant , still has another week or so of school . Nancy and Janet ( who lives two doors down from her , with her husband Walter and their four cats ) can make calls from home - they will call hospitals , senior centers , homeless shelters , soup kitchens , urgent care centers , clinics , and any other place they can think of to see if there are any John Does matching Dad 's description . My 88 year old dad wandered off from his home and has been missing since 8AM Friday morning . He was gone when his morning caregiver arrived . Our extended family and friends and the Union County police are looking for him . I visited the station at Port Authority and talked to the PA police ( just in case he got on a bus , but I doubt it ) . I notified a friend of mine who works in our old home precinct in Corona ( just in case he tries to go back " home " ) . My father has been missing for more than sixteen hours . It 's dark out . He is almost always cold , even on hot summer days . I try not to think about this . I do not succeed . Sometime between dawn and eight AM on Friday the eleventh of June , Tony Karabaic left his home to take a walk . He locked the inside door and the porch door . He didn 't set the alarm because sometimes he would forget how to make it stop . He walked down Huntington , made a left at the corner of Livingston , and walked down past Forest Drive to the shortcut path through the woods to Salem Road . At 8 : 10 that same morning , his morning caregiver , Vee the RN , arrived . She rang the bell ; no answer . She took out her key and let herself in . She stood in the living room and called his name ; no answer . He was hard of hearing ; maybe he just didn 't hear her . His tan corduroy recliner - its worn fringed throw flung haphazardly over it - was empty . The piles of papers on the coffee table were in the same places they were in yesterday . Nothing seemed to be disturbed . There was no radio on - maybe he wasn 't at home ? She would have to look . She walked into the dining room . His pajamas were draped over the back of a dining chair . That was good - the last time he went out for an early morning walk , he was wearing his pajamas and slippers . Vee went into the kitchen . No dishes in the sink or on the table , but the bowl and glass were in the dish drainer . Had he eaten his breakfast ? Where was he ? She glanced over to the kitchen table , to see if his pills were in the gold glass ashtray on the table . There were a couple left in there - she looked to see which ones they were . Good - the afternoon and evening doses of Sinemet , his Parkinson 's med . The morning dose , the Xalatan , and the Felodipine were gone . She walked out of the kitchen to check the small bedroom , where his granddaughter Alyssa 's toys and drawings were . The high - riser bed was made up , with its hand - crocheted afghan neatly tucked beneath the foam bunker cushions , the little stuffed cats and bears neatly arranged atop them . He sometimes took a nap here later in the day , but this bed hadn 't been slept on lately . He was nowhere to be seen . Vee went back into the living room , and up the stairs . She turned left at the top of the stairs , to look in his bedroom . The room reminded her of a monk 's cell , with its spartan twin bed , simple chest , and holy pictures on the wall . The bedsheets and blankets were rumpled ; the room bore the warm , heavy scent of sleep . Okay , it looked like he had spent the night here - that was something . She went into the master bedroom , where his late wife , Georgia , used to sleep . There were papers and envelopes neatly arranged on the white chenille bedspread , but no Tony . She looked in the little office . She looked in the extra bedroom where his kids slept when they stayed for the weekend . She entered the bathroom , pulled the shower curtain aside , checked the bathtub . She went down to the basement . Those stairs were so treacherous . She walked around , both hoping to find him , and hoping not to . But he wasn 't there . The clothes he had worn the day before were also on the dining room chairs . That was another good sign . That meant he definitely hadn 't left last night - Vee had probably just missed him . Maybe he went to the store . He liked bananas , and he 'd eaten his last brown one yesterday . She went back outside to see if he was in the yard . The car was still there , but that was because the battery had died two months ago , and his children had not wanted to replace it . No one wanted him to drive anymore . She 'd heard that they 'd already talked to him about selling the car to Alyssa 's boyfriend . Vee couldn 't get into the garage , but she knocked hard on the door , and then listened to see if she could hear anything inside . Nothing . Barbara had been through something just like this with Dad the week before . In the early morning of June 2nd , he showed up at Alyssa 's old school in his pajamas and slippers . The cops had brought him back home . Vee and Glenn drove for about a half hour , crisscrossing Union . They went to the cemetery - always the first choice . Until recently , no matter what the weather was , he visited Mom 's grave every single day . It had been almost five years . As soon as she got Vee 's text , Barb emailed me that Dad was missing from the house and that Vee and Glenn were out looking . Just before I saw this in my inbox , my husband Frank came into my studio to say we 'd had a missed call from a 908 number . I figured it had to be Vee checking in , so I called her , and that 's how I found out Dad was on the move and no one knew where . It was around nine when I called them - they had been so helpful the other three times this had happened - the policemen had found him and brought him home before any one of us ever knew he was lost . The UCPD dispatcher told me they would send someone to the house . I called Vee , and Glenn , and they went back to Dad 's to meet the cops . I get up at 5AM to get into the shower and be ready to go with Jannie and Wally by 7 . Before I get into the shower , I check the answering machine - no messages . Good . The first is a doctor from East Orange General , telling me that my mother has had a major stroke during the night . He is sorry to say that there is no brain activity and that her body probably won 't live through the day . The second is Wally who has heard the news and is asking me when we should tell Dad . The third is George who has also heard and wants to know what to do . Frank awakens , and comes out of the bedroom as I am getting ready to leave . I tell him what is happening . I have to go , now , to get to the hospital with Janet and Walter . They will be here in a few minutes . I take the phone number of the client Frank will be working with today , at Cryder House , in Whitestone . There is nothing he can do , so I think he should carry on with his day . I will let him know what is happening . I take my overnight bag with a change of clothes , just in case I need to stay in Jersey . My brother is coming back from Ohio . Nancy , Chris , and Grant are back on the road north to New Jersey , having arrived in Maryland a scant few hours earlier . I am on the road with Walter ( driving ) and Janet ( riding shotgun ) . We pull into the parking lot at East Orange General . I don 't know how , but John is already here . Janet , Walter and I meet him in the hallway . We all hug and kiss hello , and make our way to the ICU . John is crying . We are numb . Barb , George , Alyssa and Dad are already there . Dad is distraught . The neurologist enters , introduces herself to all of us , looks for the person she should talk to . She takes me aside . I tell her I have Mom 's health care proxy , and I know her wishes , which are " no extraordinary measures " . She asks me if my father grasps the seriousness of what happened , that my mother / his wife is being kept alive only by the machines . I tell her he might comprehend it if she tells him , but that he is unlikely to accept it from me without her saying it first . Dad has a real respect for medical authority ( we will use this later on to help him ) . All of us are in a knot around the doctor . I hold Dad 's hand as she tells him . He looks at me , questioning what he has heard . I tell him Mom is gone , only her body is still here . He doesn 't know what to do next . We speak about what Mom said she wanted , if this situation ever occurred . Mom wanted us to just let go . " Let 's wait , " he says . He doesn 't want to turn anything off ; he wants to give her a chance . Nothing needs to be done right now , so we will wait . There are tears , lots of them , a priest named Father Mitch , wooden rosary beads , a wonderful nurse named Beth . My two best friends in the world are named Mitch and Beth . I feel that this is a sign , that the priest and the nurse are God 's own angels sent to help ease my way into this new and awful motherless world that I am about to enter . We have Father Mitch give Mom last rites , even though she is Greek Orthodox , and he is a Catholic priest . This comforts us all . I keep the rosary beads in my hand . ( To this day , I carry them in my purse , everywhere I go . ) Despite my earlier reservations about East Orange General , the ICU staff is as good as any hospital staff I have ever seen , in real life or on television . They are sensitive , they are caring . They do their best to make Mom comfortable , and to comfort us . I wish these had been the people taking care of her at Kessler next door . My mother 's face is gray . Her skin is totally relaxed , softly sagging from her cheekbones . She has a thin stream of black fluid trickling from the right side of her mouth . There is a tube in the left side of her mouth . She is no longer in any pain . I take a white cloth and gently pat away the black fluid , but it keeps trickling . I am on the window side of the bed . Alyssa is on a chair at Mom 's left side . I ask her if she 's scared . She 's only twelve and a half years old ; I think she 's a bit young to sit through this . Even my sisters , her aunts , have a hard time looking at our mother like this . We sit in the room , the wooden rosary beads from Father Mitch in my hand . I haven 't said a rosary in years , but the nuns at Our Lady of Sorrows taught me well . I only leave my mother 's bedside to use the bathroom , or if Nurse Beth asks me to leave for a moment so she can tend to one thing or another in the room . I look out the window , down to the street . There is a truck out there with the name " Angelica " on its side . My mother 's mother 's name was Angelina . I see this as a sign that she is close by , waiting for her daughter . At one point - I 'm not sure how long after the others left with Dad - I am alone in the room with Mom and the endless beeping . I am holding her hand . I bring my face close to hers and whisper . " It 's okay . You can go now , if you want . Dad will be fine , we will be fine . I love you . You can leave . Don 't worry . " We call the others . They pull off to the side of the Garden State Parkway . We tell John , Barb , Chris , Walter , George . We don 't tell Dad . We will tell him when he gets here . He holds his forehead , shock and grief etched on his face . His eyes , wild and full of tears ; he says " Claud , you kids … please don 't leave me . Don 't leave me alone . " At first , I thought he meant he didn 't want to sleep alone in the house that night . He had a houseful of family ; he wouldn 't be alone . I realize later what he really meant ; he is afraid that he will be alone now that Mom is gone , that we kids will leave him to his own devices , that it was our mother who was the center of all things and that now he will lose us , as he had lost her . |
1 . Where crazy comes from Nobody starts out crazy . We 're not born out of the vag or tummy being like , " I think I want to be a psycho when I get older . I want to hate everyone around me , not trust anyone , and live in a world full of shit . " At least I didn 't . And maybe I don 't " necessarily " hate " everyone " , but shit , in this world , I 'm telling you , there 's a lot of serious dislike . And I 'm not crazy . At least , I 've never been diagnosed as such . Of course , I 've never gone to a doctor to test that theory . So we 're going to call me " not crazy . " But the problem is , I feel crazy . I feel it every day . I overthink waaaay too much , panic over the most ridiculous things , worry about everything , and am constantly stressed . But being an adult is being stressed . I know this . It 's not all rainbows , unicorns , and fluffy kittens out here in the adult world . We 're all struggling to make ends meet , pay our bills , work our worthless and underpaid jobs , just trying to make it through one day at a time . But see , it wasn 't always like this for me . I had a pretty good life , as far as typical lives go . When I was 18 , I was stationed in Japan . In 2011 , I got out of the military on pregnancy . My boyfriend was in the military as well and we got pregnant . Okay , well I got pregnant . I know what you 're thinking . Dumb ass teenager went and became a statistic . Can 't use a fucking condom . Irresponsible . And maybe that is the case . Yes , I was young . Did I bite off more than I could chew ? Probably . Who doesn 't at some point in their lives ? But , I became pregnant on purpose . And it wasn 't to trap my boyfriend . He was aware of it . This was no accident . This was a conscious decision made by two baby adults . You see , when I was 17 , my sister had a beautiful baby boy that lived with me and my parents . I spent the first year of my nephew 's life with him . I had not had much experience with babies beforehand . But shortly after my sister brought him home , I fell in love . Have you ever experienced something in your life and you think to yourself , " This is what I am meant to do . " For me , that was being a mom . I can remember the exact moment I wanted to be a mother . My nephew was maybe a week or two and I was in a recliner , with my nephew laying on my chest . No one else was around . I was softly patting his back as his squishy little face nestled into my chest . I was singing quietly to him . I believe the first song I sang to him was called " With Eyes Wide Shut , " by blessthefall . I was an alternative girl , so my music tastes are a little strange to some , especially when looking at me . I watched his little eyes flutter open and closed , trying to fight sleep , but not making a sound . They finally closed and he lay there , tiny breaths escaping his chest . He look so tranquil , and my heart melted . Even though we had just met and he 'd only been in this world for a couple of weeks , I felt so connected to him , and absolutely fell in love . " I want this . I want to be a mom . I want to be one right now . " Mature seventeen year old I was , I deperately wanted a baby . From that point , I fell in love with babies everywhere . You know those movies like Baby Mama and How To Be Single when these women who want babies start hallucinating babies everywhere ? Basically , that was me . Now , I wasn 't seeing full - blown hallucinations ( Thank God ) , but there was an ache inside , knowing desperately I wanted one of my own . confessionsofabasketcasesiteApril 15 , 2017April 17 , 2017 girl blogteenagermom bloggirl depressiongirl crazyjournals 12 . Against The Grain . I began to talk to this guy almost every day . We 'll call him … Jesse . We began to play this game asking questions about each other . I learned he was from out of state , that he lived in his dad 's house and lived a ways from where I was at . Over the next few days , I found myself stumbling onto his profile almost a little more than necessary . I looked through his pictures so I could really get a good look at the guy I was talking to every night . He was becoming cuter and cuter to me the more we talked . He was definitely wasn 't my type . He sagged his pants ( which I fucking hated ) and liked a lot of rap . But then again , they say that opposites attract . We decided to go and meet up at a concert . We arranged rides to get there . I remember sitting at the venue , eagerly waiting for his appearance . Then I saw him . I could tell he saw me too . He smiled and turned away shyly . Okay , I thought to myself . I 'm gonna have to make the first move on this one . I was not used to this . Being married had definitely done a number on my dating skills . Of course , I never dated much to begin with . I walked up to him at the bar . He turned to look at me , said hi , and looked away . He was definitely shy . I believe I asked him to go sit at a table together . He said yes and we started talking . I don 't know what we talked about , but I remember I was extremely flirtatious . I kept my hand on his thigh , whispering in his ear ( also , it was a show so it was loud . The key is to not be too sexy ) . I remember asking him if I could kiss him . Lord knows he wasn 't gonna do it on his own . This boy needed some help . He nodded and I made my mood . The sensation that coursed through my body was amazing . The kiss was different , for I had not made out with anyone with facial hair and he had more than I had ever been used to . I deepened the kiss and remember running my hand through his hair . Then , I , ever so classily , took his hand and put it in front of my leggings . This was to be my new persona . I could literally be whoever I wanted with this guy . I wanted to be bold , sexual , and desirable . He was the first one I had ever met that I could be that way with . It was dangerous , naughty , and tons of fun . Excellent date . I told him he could come back to Hannah 's place that night , if he wanted to . He did , but knew he 'd have to ask his dad . He literally waited until his dad was about to drop me off and got out of the car and told him he 'd be back home the next day . confessionsofabasketcasesiteMay 7 , 2017 adultgrowing uploveopposites attractrelationshipssex 11 . An unlikely alliance . This was the first time I 'd spoken to Hannah since I manipulated her into talking my husband about divorce . This girl , she was the start of it all . She was married to a guy I remember my husband talking about when he talked of their past relationship . She had two children , a boy and girl , just like me . Her situation was very similar to mine . She was about the same size as me , post - baby . She was married , had two kids . I couldn 't understand why my husband had chosen to ruin our marriage over this . She was exactly the same as me . She wasn 't any skinnier , any prettier , just equal . Why then , why did I get cheated on ? How was this better ? I still won 't ever know . Hannah was surprisingly kind to me . She let me tell her everything and I was bawling my eyes out , missing my kids . I was in total shock . And she comforted me . That day marked the start of a very interesting friendship . Not good mind you , but interesting for sure . Hannah took me in . I ended up calling the cops to see my kids . And one of the worst things anyone has ever told me was said . I can only assist and ask if you can see your kids . I cannot force them to let you . In the State of Oklahoma , if there is no custody agreement with the parents and you are married , the person who physically has the kids , can keep the kids until a court order is made . And there it is . I couldn 't get them back . He let me in though , to see my babies . They were taking a bath . They were so excited to see me . I held them , wet and all , and cried . I told them how much I loved them and how Mommy was so excited to see them . It had been two days without seeing them . That is the longest I had ever been without my children . My children were the other half of me . Without them , I felt so confused and disoriented . When I had to leave , I begged Kyle not to do this . He said he 'd let me know when I could see them again . I 'd never seen him so cold - hearted . This was a new low . My heart was a wreck . I didn 't know what to do . I didn 't know any legal stuff . I didn 't have money . I didn 't know how to adult . The military and my husband always took care of me . My parents did not prepare me for the evil I was enduring . Everything I had ever learned was useless to me now . The kind of person I was , was naive . I was brought to love everyone , believe the best in everyone . And that , that my friend , was my downfall . I cried day and night . Every time I looked at Hannah 's kids , I started crying . I 'd sit there in their empty nursery and just cry . I could barely eat . I felt so sick , every second of the day . I 'd blow up my husband 's phone and messages . I wanted my kids back . I was in a living nightmare . Nobody knew what to do to help me . I was meeting new people , but I couldn 't care less . To make matters worse , my daughter 's first birthday was coming up . Yes , my husband and his horrible family took my kids from me three days before my baby girl 's birthday . I didn 't get to plan anything for her . I didn 't get to do her hair . I didn 't get to pick her birthday outfit . She didn 't get a party . I didn 't get to make her first birthday cake . I used some of the money I had to buy her a few birthday presents . My husband was allowing me to see her on her birthday . I got to see her for two hours . I made the most of every minute I had with my children , even if it wasn 't long . They had all the power , and I was defeated . I didn 't have money for a lawyer . But I could get a job . And that 's exactly what I did . He had filed . Everything we had agreed on . The whole reason I came to this stupid fucking state to begin with . Because I felt that our children should have both parents . Stupidest fucking decision . Because I had a heart . And he was heartless . I could not believe I had married this man . Worse than that , I had children with him . I knew he was an asshole sometimes , but not this . I never would have thought . And that 's the thing . I don 't think . I keep expecting good out of people , when all they are filled with is shit . Just lies , manipulation , and an intense need to see me suffer . You 'd think a girl would learn . I 've come to realize that I 'm pretty petty , in a demented sort of way . Where it doesn 't necessarily hurt people directly , but only I see think it 's funny and feel vindicated inside . For instance , I decided it 'd be great to have a threesome with Hannah and her husband . They wanted it , and I was like why not ? Why not fuck the girl that ruined my marriage and her husband who fucked my exhusband over as well . Suuuuper twisted , but I didn 't give a shit . The three of us slept in the same bed anyway . It was interesting . Not my best threesome . Yup , and not my only one either . But I digress . Hannah and I went out to the bars for the first time and we stumbled into a place where we met some pretty interesting people . These guys were part of a local metal band and they invited us to a show in the city . Hannah didn 't end up going , but I managed to find a ride with the band and went up to the show . I remember watching them play and it was awesome . A little breather from the hell that I had been leaving . I had my eye on this cute boy that was doing sound . He kept looking at me and mouthing words and flirting with his eyes . You know what I 'm talking about . He and his friend were sitting there doing sound and it was nice to see someone making eyes at me . He got a phone call , and he had to leave . He walked by me and said , " Have a good night , " and then left . I had wished I 'd given him my number . I don 't generally do that sort of thing . Like , ever . I got married young . All of this shit was new to me . So I plucked up the courage and walked over to his friend . I gave him the slip of paper and told him to give it to his friend . He gave me a smile and put his hand over mine , looked me in the eye , and said he would . Funny enough , that particular guy had appeared on my Facebook suggested friends and I instantly recognized him from the concert . I wanted to befriend people in the local music scene , and I also wanted to find out if he gave the guy my number . So I messaged him , he accepted my request and we chatted for a bit . I asked him if he ever gave his friend my number , and he said he did , but his friend had a girlfriend . Why was he flirting then ? Meh , whatever . So I started talking to him instead . We talked about the music scene . He said he was thinking about going into music production at the local community college . It was really nice talking to a guy about music . It was different . We had similar ambitious and were connecting . confessionsofabasketcasesiteMay 6 , 2017 10 . The Descent . The worst day of my life . I 'm telling you , this was the worst day I had ever had . My husband decided to go see a movie with his sister , his dad was at work , and me and his mom were at the house . I had previously talked to my mother , who was struggling to keep her blood pressure after the heart attack . She had messaged my husband 's mother to ask if there was a way to make sure she could get ahold of me . His mom is very passive aggressive , I 've learned . She sweetly told her that if I would get a job , I could afford a phone and that they could not afford to get me a phone . Which , my mom and I both knew that . That kind of shit pisses my mother off and she was saying her blood pressure was rising . So that day , while she and I were both home , I talked to her . My babies were napping in separate rooms . I asked her ( very nicely , mind you ) if she could not talk to my mother on Facebook . She couldn 't handle her blood pressure rising . Now . I am not the kind of person to yell . I do not go off on people . But something inside me fucking snapped . My mom just had a heart attack . How fucking dare this bitch insult her ! And I let her have it . I started screaming , " Are you fucking kidding me ? My mom just had a heart attack ! " And then it pretty much escalated from there . I believe I may have called her every insulting thing in the book . I yelled how her kids couldn 't fucking stand her because she was a psychotic bitch . I just thought about how I 've never wanted to hit someone so bad as I did this bitch . I wanted to beat the living shit out of her and I am not a fighter . Not by a long shot . She suggested I go to another room to get some air . I thought for a moment , my kids are sleeping in both of the bedrooms and the other room was hers . So , I took her advice , and stepped out front to take a breather . I start banging on the door screaming for her to let me in . I thought about breaking the window where my kids were sleeping . I should have . That would have been better than what I did . Not a second goes by that I didn 't wish I broke open that window , took my children and ran away . But no . I did the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life . When I realized the psycho bitch was not going to let me back in , I went to the neighbor 's house . They didn 't speak much English but let me use their phone . I called my husband and told him what his mother did . He sounded annoyed and said he was on his way . I saw in the driveway waiting for him to come home . His dad came home . He looked at me and reassuringly said , " I know , " and he went to take care of his wife . My husband returned home and said to me that he would talk to her and convince her to let me back in . The two of them were so calm , as if this kind of behavior for her was normal . Her husband was extremely cool , laid - back , and hilarious . She , on the other hand , was a controlling , high - strung , bipolar psycho . My husband was in that house for 45 mins before he came out . He looked exasperated . " Look , she 's not gonna let you back in . I 'm going to drive you to a hotel for a night . Hopefully she will calm down tomorrow . I 'll take care of the kids . You need a night to yourself to relax . You are always doing everything with the kids . You need a break . " That was really thoughtful of him . He went inside and packed up some things I would need for the night . We drove a little ways outside the city and he checked me in to the motel . He gave me $ 80 . I had a credit card which had never been used and about $ 500 in my account , which was to be used to pay for my college classes . I used some of the money to walk to Walmart and get myself a cheap little flip phone . That was an adventure . I was in a town I had never been . Everything was completely foreign to me . I came back to the room and messaged my husband . I asked about the kids and he told me they were doing good . I told him I wanted them out of there . I said that we should use our money and get us a small place until I could move out on my own . There was no response . He didn 't respond . I tried calling him . It just rang and rang and then went to voicemail . I start blowing up his Facebook . Oh my fucking god . He just . He took my kids from me . I 'm alone in a state where I have no family , no friends , and no knowledge about anything in this state . I was completely alone . Never have I felt more alone in my life than I did in that moment . A moment that to this day , still haunts and torments me . I was the world 's biggest fool . An absolute fucking idiot . Why didn 't I call the cops when his mom locked me out ? Why did I call him ? All questions I ask myself every day afterward . I trusted him . I FUCKING TRUSTED HIM . We were on good terms . And when his mother got involved , something changed . This was not the man I married . Or maybe it was . I mean , let 's be honest , he was a piece of shit while we dated . And then while we were married . But I never thought him capable of something like this . Then it occurred to me . Over the summer , we had gotten a bunch of backpay from the military , about $ 7000 . Suddenly the $ 7000 disappeared out of the account . I confronted my husband about it and he said he put it in CDs so it could acquire interest . I accused him of trying to screw me over . He didn 't like that . He also didn 't like that I tried to install a keylogger . Most men don 't dig the idea . But if they were trustworthy , I WOULDN ' T NEED THE FUCKING KEYLOGGER . But I digress . My dumbass did not pay for said keylogger . I installed the free version , not knowing it was a piece of shit . Or the fact that it left a window open in the background . So , when he found it , he was not particularly thrilled . So much so , that he got in my face . He got really close to me with menacing eyes . He was shirtless , and I put my hands lightly on his chest and gently pushed him away , to indicate that he needed to get out of my face . He was making me uncomfortable . He grabbed my wrists and slammed them against the wall . His grip was tight and he was hurting me . He yelled at me and I got scared . I was in pain and he didn 't care . I shoved him away and ran to the living room to call security forces . He grabbed the phone from my hands and I was so scared he was gonna continue to hurt me and be a psycho , I grabbed the phone and threw it at him as hard as I could . Now that I think about it , that 's the only man I have ever thrown anything at . He scared the shit out of me . But now , now it made sense . There were no CDs . My suspicions were right . 9 / 10 times they are . I should know this by now . I did the only thing I could think of . I took to social media and blasted the whole situation . Everybody was giving me advice . I talked to my parents , my aunts , Max even . He and I talked a whole lot about what was going on . He was genuinely concerned . It made it a teensy bit easier . Not much though . I was still without my world . My reason for living . confessionsofabasketcasesiteApril 29 , 2017 divorcekidnappingparental alienationyoung marriageyoung parenting 9 . What is best I spoke to a lawyer on base about my divorce situation . I asked him generally what happens to the kids in a military divorce . He said that they usually go with the non - military parent for deployment purposes and what not . We weren 't wanting to go to battle though . My husband and I were on mutual agreement that it just wasn 't working out . We even tried to explore other avenues . I guess it was me more so than him . He knew that I was looking in other places for people , and he was too , more so on the internet . There was a girl that I was really interested in . The only woman I have ever met that I could have dated . I just don 't see girls in a relationship . I can have sex , but I 'm just not emotionally compatible with a woman . But this girl , there was something special about her . My husband encouraged me to go after her , and I tried , but it was a big complicated situation that caused way too much drama . My husband and I were still having a good relationship , but more like a friendship and we happened to have kids together . We were still having sex , but it was more out of comfort than a need for each other . Looking back , I can say that I definitely shouldn 't have handled it the way I did . I had a feeling that he had slept with someone , but he told me he didn 't . I was completely honest with him about what I was doing . So I guess you can argue that I cheated on my husband , but he knew . We had decided it was okay , even though we hadn 't physically filed for divorce . Turns out , because of a government shutdown , my husband could not crosstrain and had to get out of the military at the end of his enlistment that year . So he would be returning to his home of record . I had said to him that instead of me taking the kids , I would move to his state , which I 'd never been in , so long as he would help me get on my feet . This way , I didn 't feel like a monster who took her kids ' father away . This is what was best for my children . It wasn 't their fault we didn 't want to be married . He suggested once that he take our son and I take our daughter . I told him absolutely not . I would not split my children . For one , they have a huge bond to each other . Secondly , how the fuck would my son feel knowing his mom only took his sister ? And vice versa ? Hell the fuck no . I would not do that to them . So come November 2013 , we packed up our family and moved from Japan to Oklahoma . We had to stay with his family , whom I had never met . He always hated his mom his whole life . He said she was a bipolar psycho . She was abusive and that was the reason he moved out so young . When I met her , she seemed nice enough . She loved the kids , and did shots with me like the first night I was there . We even took my daughter and went shopping with her , while my husband took our son and his dad . She asked me about us getting a divorce and asked if there was any chance of it working out . I told her about Hannah . She remembered Hannah . She absolutely hated her . Something we had in common . One of the few . Things were okay . We celebrated Thanksgiving with my husband 's family . I was struggling a bit , being as I was trying to parent my children in someone else 's house . My daughter was not sleeping well in her pack and play , so she was screaming a lot during the night . I could tell his parents were irritated , but there wasn 't much I could do . They didn 't offer to help or anything , not that I necessarily needed it . She was just a tough baby . My mother had a heart attack and I had no way to contact her . My husband was off buying himself a phone , but didn 't think of me at all . He suddenly decided that he didn 't have to pay for me anymore . His parents got him a good deal on a vehicle and helped him get a job . I , on the other hand , had applied to a nearby place , but didn 't get the job . I was growing more and more stressed with the living situation . I was used to it just being me , my husband , and my children . I could tell his mother was critiquing my parenting and it was pissing me the fuck off . She started limiting how much juice my son had and when he could have a snack . That made me angry , but she was paying for it , so what could I do . I had to use the house phone to call my mother and check up on her . She had her second heart attack and I was worried for her . So much , that I was crying a lot . I didn 't want to be in Oklahoma . I wanted to go home . I was uncomfortable in someone else 's house and it was becoming awkward . I started noticing all of things my husband said he hated about his mom . She was the biggest control freak I had ever met . I watched my husband give in to her every request , just so she would shut up . confessionsofabasketcasesiteApril 28 , 2017 divorcegrowing upmarriageyoung parenting 8 . Beginning of the end My daughter was born shortly before Christmas of the year of 2012 . Yup , I had two babies born in the same year . It had been an extremely rough pregnancy , nothing like with my son . With my son , I got nauseous a lot but only threw up once . With my daughter , I swear I threw up every other day . I got big fast , and could hardly move around my house . Every step I took , my pelvis would snap . I couldn 't turn over in bed without being in a fuck ton of pain . I was glad when she was ready to come out . And she was beautiful . Once again , it was the best day of my life . My baby girl was so gorgeous and I loved her with everything I had . All of the resentment , all of the pain I 'd been through in that nine months , it all faded away when I looked into her eyes . I had worried about how much I loved my son ; I didn 't understand how I could possibly ever love another child as much as I loved him . But after she was born , it was easy . These two children were my entire world . I cannot begin to describe how much I adored them . They were the most important people in the world to me . You know how people say that their spouse is there other half ? Not me . My babies were the other half of me . On the few times I went to the grocery store and left the kids with my husband , I 'd go with my best friend and constantly have mini heart attacks thinking I lost my kids . It felt weird going anywhere without them . This didn 't happen very often , as my husband would at least make me take our daughter . I 'd come home and our son would be shut up in his room watching Sesame Street while my husband would be playing games . That shit would piss me off . We taught our son to be self sufficient . He 'd play in his room with Sesame Street on for a little while and then we 'd get him out . My husband would leave him in there for longer and forget . It made me upset . My daughter , on the other hand , demanded all of my attention almost every second of the day . She was a tough one . I didn 't co - sleep with my son , but my daughter needed to be in my personal space when she slept . Our noses had to be touching or she wouldn 't sleep . It was cute , but at times , frustrating . She and I had a very special bond and she preferred Mommy over Daddy any day of the week . Of course , this may have contributed to the fact that I didn 't think my husband didn 't even like our daughter . He 'd rarely hold her , which would actually cause a little damage later . She had colic , and let me tell you , it is hell if you don 't already know . We called it her " hell hours " , where she would scream from 4pm to 8pm every night . I 'd do everything I could to console her . I 'd turn on our stereo system and stand right in front of it , rocking her and singing to her whatever was playing . Then she would go to sleep . My best friend would take our daughter on occasion after she was born . Because she was demanding so much attention , I felt I was losing out on time with my son . This allowed me to focus on my budding toddler . My son turned one about two weeks after my daughter was born . I planned his birthday party for months . It was themed " The Very Hungry Caterpillar " . When he was around four months old , we bought said caterpillar at the mall in Japan . It was the first toy we ever saw him get attached to . He loved his " capitillar " which is what we called it . To this day , I have such a hard time pronouncing " caterpillar " because of how I 've said it for years . I researched Pinterest , ebay , had a poster designed , and paid $ 50 for a caterpillar cake . There was only one other baby there and the rest were our friends . They all loved him though . We even got our daughter a special tutu made to match all the colors . I put every ounce of energy and creativity in his first birthday and I couldn 't wait to do so with my daughter . My son was growing fast , started walking too . It was amazing to see this little one that was the size of my daughter ( exact by the way . both of them weighed the exact same weight when they were born ) . A few months passed by . Life was okay . With my children , amazing . With my husband , well , I sort of lost all interest in him . I was very nonchalant about my marriage . He hadn 't done anything , but my heart didn 't feel the same and I knew it . But I had a good life . There was so much betrayal in the entirety of our relationship , that I think my heart pretty much gave up fighting for it . He wasn 't doing anything wrong , other than the fact it pissed me off that he didn 't help much with the kids . He 'd get whatever they needed , anything I wanted , but day to day needs , he just didn 't . I always fed them , bathed them , changed them , and dealt with my daughter 's hell hours . I 'd stay up all night when they were sick , get up for late night changes and feedings . He didn 't do any of that . But we were taken care of . I also ran my own home business as a Pure Romance consultant and did online college . So I figured , maybe the longer I stayed , love would come back . Did I believe that ? No . I was unhappy with my marriage in general . There were many times where things would be great , but deep down , I just didn 't feel the kind of love I knew I should have . There were a few times we 'd fight and I 'd bring up divorce and it would be quickly shot down . I quickly realized that he would never accept it if it was my idea . It had to be his idea . So , I messaged Hannah . You remember Hannah ? The bitch that ruined everything . Well , my husband did too . I made up some sad story about not feeling like he wanted to be married and how I care about him , but I didn 't think he was happy . And it worked . Perfectly , I might add . I knew Hannah wouldn 't be able to resist talking to my husband about it . She wanted to save him if she knew he was unhappy . Girls like that are so easy . And sure enough , in June , my husband approached me with the idea of divorce . We hadn 't been fighting , we 'd just been living . It was a calm conversation . We 'd been the happiest for a few months , but inside , neither of us felt it anymore . So , we discussed at our next base , we 'd separate then . We were due to leave Japan soon , and were waiting for re - assignment . confessionsofabasketcasesiteApril 23 , 2017 7 . All Because Two People Fell In Love . When I took that first pregnancy test , I thought I saw that little plus sign . Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me , but I showed it to my husband and screamed at him . I had my second anxiety attack ever . I was collapsed on the ground bawling and screaming at him . I didn 't want another child . Especially with him , which is exactly was I said , rather loudly to him . I didn 't want to believe it . I really didn 't . And I refused to for days , until my fourth pregnancy test . Up until that point , I had been taking those little plus sign was and I finally broke down and bought the digital . And it read : Pregnant . I had told Max that I was going to stay with my husband . I could maybe do one child , but two on my own ? No . Plus , it killed me every time I walked by my son 's room , and the sentence that was on his door since we designed the nursery : Fuck that . But , my son loved his daddy . I didn 't want to be that monster to separate them . Would I ever trust my husband again ? Fuck no . But , I had a good life . An easy one . I adored my son . Which is sad , because I resented the baby I was currently carrying . Not that it was the baby 's fault , but I felt trapped . And it was my own fault . My dumbass missed my six week appointment . You know , the one where they tell you it 's EASY AS FUCK to get pregnant after you had a baby and didn 't get on birth control . We had been using the pull - out method , stupid I know . But hey , it worked until we had made the conscious decision to have a child . This time , not so much . So I began putting the pieces back together . It took a few months for me to start to move on and try to repair my marriage . I had to accept this pregnancy and this life . I had to stay committed . I didn 't feel I had a choice . It was a rough first trimester and second . Apparently , your body needs to have a break from babies for two years . I waited two months . The pain was unbearable and I was getting much bigger , quicker . What really changed the game was when I went in for my second ultrasound . We were having a little girl . I had already picked the name out , a name that I had loved since I was 12 . My husband didn 't get a choice in the matter . I 'd like to say everything went back to normal , but it didn 't . Try as I did , I tried to stay in love with my husband . But every time I looked at him , I saw a liar , a cheater , and a life - ruiner . He may not have physically slept with her , but I just couldn 't get over the fact that he put us all on the line , knowing full well that he would ruin our family . Just for a Facebook thing . The fact that he sacrificed something he wasn 't even getting any physical enjoyment out of , but emotional , killed me . And I had read all of it . It sickened me . I tried to be happy . And at times I was . I hit a point where I finally stopped checking his shit . I just didn 't care anymore . Looking back , I thought at the time I was finally starting to trust him again . Now I know , I was falling out of love with him . I was completely losing interest in the man I had married . I wasn 't looking elsewhere , but I was simply living . That 's all . confessionsofabasketcasesiteApril 22 , 2017 6 . Max I 'm going to keep this story as brief as possible . There 's a 700 page book I wrote dedicated to Max . Max was my first love . I fell in love with him in high school . I was the Christian girl and he was the emo kid with eyeliner and the Blink 182 shirt . Every interest I ever had in music , guys , and pandas came from Max . He was the only guy I had ever cared about more than myself . We were friends first and we 'd only ever kissed once . And when it looked like we were going to be in a relationship , he 'd decided to go back to his ex . Looking back , it was not that big of a deal . But at the time , it was catastrophic . I had given my whole heart to this guy emotionally , and when he broke it , I was shattered . That was the first bout of depression I had ever come across . That was the first instance that launched my addiction to self - harm . I had cut letters into my ankle . I was distraught . To help me learn and mend , I wrote a book about my life in high school right up until I joined the Air Force . Eventually , Max and I came to a resolution and it was fine . We talked every once in a while , but nothing substantial . My husband knew how much I had loved Max . But in the book I wrote , I came to the conclusion that I had to stop dreaming about him . He was never going to tell me he loved me , he didn 't want me . Max was a dream , and a far - fetched one at that . Or so I thought . When I was neglected by my husband , Max and I started talking . We hadn 't talked in quite a while , but he still did something to my heart , four years after the fact . The thing about Max , was that he was the most unique person I had ever met . I have never met a soul like him . He talked in riddles and metaphors . There was something dark and mysterious about him and it was so easy for him to reel me in . Max and I started skyping while my husband would be at work . Our conversations were light hearted and enjoyable , but still , I shouldn 't have been talking to him without my husband knowing . I just needed some attention . Doesn 't make it right though , I know . He 'd call my son " Little Max " even though he knew that wasn 't his name . Then he did it . All of the convincing I had told myself , and this motherfucker ruined it . Everything . Everything I told myself for years . He never loved me . He didn 't want me . It was all a lie . He 's always loved me . The way I loved him . And this motherfucker decided to tell me after I was married and had a child . WHY THE FUCK - goddamit men . So fucking stupid . I can 't . My heart had opened right up to him . I was so confused . I had literally built a wall around my feelings for him and with one sentence , it crumbled . What was I to do now ? Max and I talked for a few more days , before I finally told my husband . I had to be honest . I couldn 't hide it . I owed him the truth . Of course , when I did , he was angry as fuck . So angry , he punched the wall next to my head . Scared the shit out of me . He made me feel like such a piece of shit . I felt horrible . How could I , as a wife and a mother , consider taking my child away from his dad to chase after a high school love ? I couldn 't . It was selfish . Max was my missed connection , one that I would miss for life . My husband was so pissed at me for days , but I had decided to tell both him and Max that I made a commitment to my marriage . This was my life now . This was the life I chose . My son came first . Max understood , but mending things with my husband , that was going to be difficult . I had talked to my mother about the situation and she told me to take a breather . She asked me a series of questions , and I told her I just wasn 't feeling valued by my husband . I told her we weren 't having sex . She stopped and asked me if I thought he was cheating . I was like , no way . He wouldn 't sacrifice his family for it . Mom 's little question floated around in my brain . It had been a while since I checked his shit . The last conversation we had about anything remotely like that was four months prior , when I went into labor . So out of sheer curiosity , I opened up his Yahoo ! account . Apparently the idiot forgot I knew the password . And what did I find ? Sure enough , the bitch that he had been exchanging pics with before I got married , Hannah , was in there . And there was a lot of messages from the the previous month . They talked about me , about Adam , and about wanting to have sex with each other . And I 'm not talking simply , like explicitly . Apparently , when he was doing his " shift " with our son , and I was sleeping , he was messaging and calling her . He would tell her how much he loved her . I was shattered . And then I was livid . Here I was , telling him I had feelings for someone and BEING FUCKING HONEST , he was lying and doing this shit . I was done . So I did what I do every time I find out about this kind of shit . I made myself look gorgeous , did my makeup and waited for my husband to wake up . And he did , while I was doing my makeup . I smiled sweetly . " Of course . " I walked into the kitchen , got him some orange juice , and gave it to him . He looked at me . " You look pretty . I love you . " He tried to make excuses , but he knew his ass was grass . I laid into him . I yelled at him for treating me like shit , making me seem like I was a horrible spouse , and betraying me again . I told him I wanted a divorce . I told him that I had said if he ever did this shit while we were married , it would be the end . And here we are . I told him I was taking Adam and I wanted him to suffer . I also messaged Hannah on Facebook and told her she was a homewrecking whore and I hope she was happy that he was going to lose his family . Also , I told her that he said she meant nothing to him and was like porn . Which , is what he told me . He told me he didn 't love her and it was a mistake . For some reason , this offended her . So much , in fact , that she gave me her Facebook password with the promise from me that I would not post anything on her profile publicly . I didn 't need to do that . I had more class than that . But when I read through her messages between her and my husband , I was completely and utterly appalled . He had told me it only happened for that week of messages I found in the Yahoo ! Turns out , they had been messaging since that night I was suspicious . The night that I went into fucking labor for our child . This motherfucker lied straight to my face . Four fucking months worth of the most sickening shit I had ever read in my life . All of the things he did nice for me during that time was wiped completely out . I hated him . I hated him . I fucking hated him . They talked about how when he 'd visit back home , he 'd make up a story about " hanging out with the guys " and leave me with Adam , and then going to go fuck her . These messages guys , they were so detailed . I swear to God , I had a vivid picture of what this girls pussy looked , tasted , and smelled like by the end of these messages . I couldn 't fucking believe it . HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING STUPID . WHY THE FUCK DID I MARRY HIM ? WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE KIDS WITH HIM . I WAS GOING TO MURDER HIM . I was so angry and I ripped him a new one . I screamed that he was a liar . Thankfully , my son slept pretty well , so he didn 't hear me yelling . My husband didn 't know what to do with himself , except beg for my forgiveness . And I wouldn 't give it . I was done . Fuck him . I was taking my son and going for Max . Fuck this . FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . I bawled and bawled . I hated him . So much . Three days later , I told my Mom everything . I was making wild decisions and she had to tell me to calm my shit . Then she asked another detrimental question , damn her . " When was your last period ? " She thought maybe I had been overreacting and losing my shit because of PMS , which has been known to happen . I sat down and thought about it . I had one period after I gave birth , but I couldn 't remember my second . Then it dawned on me . Shit . Shit . Shit . Fuck . NO . |
site search Back to Alezane 's World The day to day life of an ex - racehorse and her companions in Dartmoor UK and Mayenne France Back to Diary Index contact us Monday 1st October 2007 A new month and some good news ( we think ) . Tonight , the previous owner of the property came along and identified where the septic tank is located . HE told me that the sanitation arrangements have three covers , for the want of a better word . One is an inspection cover , another is the distribution cover where the now clean water gets put back into the filter beds and the third is the cover to the actual tank . When the guy came along , he just went and uncovered those first two by scraping his foot along the grass . The third one , which is the one that THEY need to uncover so that the tank can be emptied , he identified by saying ' it should be under here ' . / So , HE is not yet sure that HE has found it until HE gets HIS fork and spade to work in the morning but it is logical that it should be in line with the other two covers that were found . Keep your fingers crossed and I 'll let you know how HE got on tomorrow . The other bit of news for them ( only possible good news ) is that the agent came along with the details of the land taxes for THEM to pay . I say only possible good news because nobody likes paying taxes . On the other hand , it is another piece in the jigsaw so to speak so that THEY can start to get THEIR finances on an even keel . Up to now THEY have not known how much to set aside for these taxes . Now THEY know . Weatherwise , it has been a funny day - all mist and dark dampness . Night came quickly but the day had turned quite warm and muggy . We didn 't need coats or fly masks so that was a relief . Most of the day we have been out grazing with just a few returns to the stable . On the last of these returns , Mims found herself in the Big Man 's box and that was where she was when SHE came out to get us organized for supper . It as very puzzling for me as it took me a while to figure out which wall to kick . The Big Man just took it in his stride and even Mims didn 't seem to care a lot . One advantage of being in the end box ( usually Mims ' ) is that you can watch the feed being made up . The Big man has never seen this before and you should have seen his eyes nearly dropping out of his head as he saw all that food . And that 's really about it . The cats are fine , Sunny continues to kill things but at least now she has learned nit to take them into the house . Tom did his usual thing , he disappeared when the agent and previous owner turned up . And the chickens are getting really expert at flying up to perch on the fence that is meant to keep them out . HE has tried a few times of gently putting them back on their side of the fence but when he drove back from shopping this morning , HE had to admit to getting a kick out of seeing our hens perching outside THEIR front door . Tuesday 2nd October 2007 You win some … . Well maybe . This morning SHE was in a telephone chasing mood . First SHE phoned the guy who should be giving THEM an estimate to clear the bit of land under the poplars so that we horses can go down to the stream to drink . You may ( or not ) remember that THEY called the man in about June to look at the work and give THEM an estimate . He came with a friend and said that he would send an estimate but that the work should not be done until September . Well , no estimate came so last week SHE phoned him and he said that his colleague would come round on Saturday . Guess what , he didn 't come . So this morning SHE phoned again and was told that the guy would come tonight and give them an estimate tomorrow . THEY didn 't see him tonight so maybe ( just maybe ) he came along and looked at the work without troubling THEM and they will get the estimate tomorrow as promised . Then SHE phoned the guy who is due to make the alterations to her kitchen . He had sent in an estimate with a request for one third of the price deposit . HE duly sent the cheque off the next day with a signature to say go ahead and then THEY heard nothing . When SHE spoke to him this morning , he said that he had received the cheque , thank you , and then mumbled away indicating that he wasn 't ready with an excuse . Then he promised to phone tomorrow and give THEM a date for work to commence . Beginning to get the idea ? Next SHE phoned the chap who should be delivering our haylage . He had said that he would drop off a trial pack to see if it was OK for my teeth . However , again THEY had heard nothing from him . He now says that he is going away this week but our delivery will be put on top priority . Remember yesterday when the previous owner came and pointed out where two of the covers for the septic tank were , just by scraping the grass with his foot ( at the right place ) . However , the vital cover that is needed to open up the tank for emptying , he just stood on a place in the grass and said that it must be about here . Today HE dug - in that place , in a straight line from the other two covers , on a measured line from where the outlet pipe leaves the house and , in several other adjacent spots . No tank cover ! HE says that it must be there somewhere but more than a spade 's depth so he has no idea where . Tomorrow HE will go back to the starting hole and dig it again twice as deep . We will see . Back to the haylage . HE went out this morning and brought back some hay which HE hoped would keep us happy until the haylage arrives . He gathered up all four haynets and first had to mend them all as the design got them all to fall apart at the bottom allowing hay put into the top to fall out again . Then HE hung them up for us when we came back in . So , what did we do ? Ignored them . HE was really ever so pleased that HIS hour 's driving was so appreciated ! Wednesday 3rd October 2007 Another fruitless day for HIM trying to find the cover of the septic tank . Today HE decided to approach it systematically by running two lines parallel to the sides of the two other covers nearly up to the house . Then HE dug , first lifting the turf and placing it aside and then with a fork . HE had to use a fork and not a spade as the ground under the turf was as hard as concrete . Then HE got the wheel barrow and shoveled the dirt into that . By the time HE had dug and lifted all the dirt in the line HE was feeling exhausted and had to rest . That was when the chickens came along to help HIM . The trouble was that after they got bored with the trench HE had dug , they went and scratched in the removed pile of earth and spread it all over the path . When HE had cleared that up , HE went and got a pick axe and dug deeper . Still no cover . HE was too tired to do any more today but HE has now marked out a triangular area between the trench and the place where the pipe comes out of the house . If HE survives , that is tomorrows job . Another problem has now occurred with the chickens . As they can no longer get under the fence to sit outside the French windows , they have taken to perching on top of the fence . It is amazing how high they can fly if they want too - they can perch there but cant fly back over the fence from the neighbour 's garden and HE has to risk life and limb ( or worse ) climbing over the barbed wire to retrieve them . Anyway . HE decided to run a single wire along from post top to post top above the perching place but when HE went to search for HIS wire , it had vanished . Possibly it didn 't move with us . Whatever , HE will have to buy some more before he can tackle that project . However , HE did manage to fit the cat door into the new fence . It had been decided that one was needed because Tom , the old cat , wouldn 't be able to get passed the fence . The cat door is designed to be fitted in wooden doors so it needed some adjusting and enhancing to make it fit the wire fence but finally HE did it . Then HE got Tom and pushed him through the cat door so he would know what to do . Tom straight away walked along the fence a little and jumped over the fence and walked back into the house . We 've had another good day today . It started off misty with some very light rain at times which was just right for rolling in and getting muddy . At the moment it is a close run thing between me and the Big Man as to who is the muddiest . Mims , as usual , has stayed out of it and Wicky just manages to get himself scruffy , wet and dirty . There is an art it having a mud bath and only some of us has it ! Well , I wasn 't going to , but now you mention it , I have to tell you one thing . I have to do so because it is so terrible . What did HE do ? Not on purpose , I don 't believe but that doesn 't alter the fact that while everyone else were free to come and go , graze and roll and do what they like , I was kept prisoner to starve and fret all day . SHE did say that SHE heard me call out but didn 't come to see what I wanted . I don 't have a loud voice as I have a paralysed larynx so SHE should have known that if SHE heard me then it must be serious . I have to admit that I got into a real state . I do have this problem that when I get upset ( which can be quite often for a lady with my sensibilities ) I tend to get rather loose bowels ( OK , you try and think of a polite way of putting it ) . When THEY discovered what had happened at supper time , my box was in a terrible mess . You know I like to empty my bucket over the floor to eat . Well , HE had to leave everything else and sweep me out before I could eat properly . I suppose it was not HIS fault entirely . THEY both unlock our boxes after we have had breakfast and I suppose THEY both thought that the other had done it . I am not at all sure that I will be in a rush to go in my box again , at least until breakfast . But at least I had some real equine news for you today . And , in a way , I got my own back as , before HE could go in for HIS evening meal after our supper , HE had to stay behind and hose out my box . Not only that but , as HE was hosing the box down , Big x couldn 't go in there and clean up all my leavings . . And I had finished my hay net so HE will have another job to do in the morning . Friday 5th October 2007 To tidy up the saga of the septic tank HE went back to the plans and decided the measurement that HE had been given at the Mairie was incorrect and so HE marked out another area to dig . After lifting the turfs and digging to one spade 's depth , the soil was so hard that he got the hose and filled the trench with water to soften it . HE finally managed to explore to three spade depths and became convinced that the cover was nowhere to be found . HE then decided to look at the other two covers but when HE lifted the stone on the first one , HE found that it was just a small marker for a much larger cover . Lifting that HE began to think that this cover was the one that HE has been searching for all along . HE called HER out and THEY both agreed that the tank emptier should be called in again , hoping that THEY now have the correct opening . They are coming Monday , so we shall see . THEY were both extra nice to me today to make up for locking me in yesterday . I didn 't complain as the extra treat or two is always welcome . However , as soon as breakfast and supper were over , I didn 't hang around just to make the point to THEM that I didn 't trust THEM not to do it again . No sense in letting THEM off too lightly , I think . A good day today , a bit misty in the morning but a glorious afternoon . We 've all been doing a bit of stable box swapping today . The Big Man ended up in the box next to the feed room this morning . He couldn 't believe his luck as he was able to watch the breakfasts being prepared . However , even his long neck wasn 't enough to reach down and steal the food that HE throws down for the chickens . We wouldn 't mind if it were chicken food but it 's not , it 's our short feed . And then they have the cheek to come into our boxes and eat out of our buckets as well . Which reminds me . I don 't think I told you about Wicky and the chicken . Usually , nothing disturbs Wick when he has his nose in his bucket . Quite often Sunny the cat walks on his back or jumps from him to the fence and he takes absolutely no notice . However , the other day one of the chickens came up behind him and decided to find out if it could eat Wick 's tail . He ignored the first few pecks but when the hen gave a particularly hard tug , Wick 's back leg shot out , as it does , like a piston . Funny things , chickens . It would have broken a human 's leg but the hen just sailed away like a puff of air and then just went about its business elsewhere . It must be because they are so light that they offer no resistance or something . However , I 've noticed that the hens now only steal from the front of Wick 's bucket now ! Saturday 6th October 2007 We had two visits today , The first could have been much worse than it actually was . Why ? Well , because it was from our vet , Br Souchard or Joel as SHE calls him . He is a very nice man ( as humans go ) but , of course , any visit by a vet is a cause for concern . However , as I said , this visit wasn 't bad at all . For two reasons really . First , he didn 't come to see me but to see the Big Man . Second , all he was doing was giving Extreme a follow up jab on his course of vaccinations as , I think I told you before , X 's had been allowed to lapse out of date . And anyway , the Big Man didn 't even notice the jab . He was just a bit bewildered why a human should come to see him and not give him a treat . Later , while we were having supper , we had our next visit . This was from the teenage girl next door and two of her friends . This visit was a bit of a mixed blessing . It started out very well indeed as the three of them set about handing out sweets to us in an unending supply . In fact , we nearly didn 't find time to eat our suppers except that THEY stopped the flow of treats until we did . Then things took on a nasty turn - at least for me . HE started it . HE gave the girl who was talking to Mims , a brush and told her to start grooming her . Then Big X was given a groom too . I thought I was getting away with it and then SHE came into my box and held me with a rope around my neck while the third girl gave me a vigorous brush . I will admit that I needed it because I had found this quite delicious mud patch early in the day and then the hot sun had baked my coating dry . Still , it didn 't last for long and they all retreated the other side of the fence while HE let us out . I think THEY were afraid that Mims or I might just rush to push Wicky off the food that HE had put on the floor for the hens . Sunday 7th October 2007 Well , HE knows now why we call him Big X . Actually , it 's a bit of a sad story . You may remember a few days ago I told you about THEIR dilemma with the chickens going into the neighbour 's garden . Well , today , about an hour before our supper time , THEY were indoors with the French windows open as it was a very warm , sunny day . SHE as working on the web site for the local bar / restaurant and HE was just dozing in the sun . Then THEY heard a squawking and a flapping from next door and the neighbour 's boy shouting after his dog . THEY looked up o see the dog chasing one of the chickens . Then three more chickens appeared behind the first and the dog turned its attentions to them . One by one the birds were caught and returned to THEIR garden . HE went and chatted with the neighbour for a while and then came in . Sitting down again , HE noticed one of the chickens sitting down and then get up and start limping away . When it was time for our supper , SHE saw the bird sitting down again and went over and picked it up . SHE examined it and found that it has a rather nasty bite on its back . THEY put some of our wound powder on it and put it down with the others who were eating our food as usual . However , it didn 't eat , but just sat there . SHE decided to put it in the chicken shed and also to put the other three in with it to keep it company . THEY will now have an anxious night , hoping that it will survive . I don 't think I have mentioned it before but SHE has given the four hens individual names . One has many light feathers at her rear end , so she is called ' Blonde ' . Another tended to lag behind when the others went out so SHE called her ' Er Indoors ' after a character in a TV show . The third one had only a small crest on her head when she first came so she is called ' Little Hattie ' . And the one who got bitten seems to have some sort of deformity , with only one side of her breast developed . She is called ' Mrs . Lop Sided ' . It is probably due to her deformity that she couldn 't manage to evade the dog . I will let you know how she gets on . Anyway , I rather jumped the reason HE is impressed with Extreme 's size . Due to all the playing about with the chickens , HE was left to organize and give us our supper . Normally while HE is getting our vegetables , SHE puts us three horses in our boxes and ties Wicky up to the fence . Then SHE gives us a little handful of feed while he makes up the buckets . Tonight , HE had to put us in our boxes and we were all outside in the field . First I came in and then Mims . HE put us both in our boxes but while HE was fastening my door , Mims came out again . Then he got her shut in and Wicky just hung about while HE went to get Extreme . When the Big Man goes past , I like to try to bite him for holding us up ( or any other reason I can think of ) . As HE brought him round , Wick got in the way in the corridor which meant X had to get past him on the side next to my biting mouth . He just ran and in doing so , stamped twice on HIS toes in HIS thin gardening shoes . As I said , HE knows now why we call him BIG X ! Monday 8th October 2007 THEY were full of trepidation this morning , wondering if Mrs Lopsided was still with us . HE used the dark morning as an excuse not to open up the chicken house until we horses had been fed . However , SHE went and opened the shed and found that Mrs Lopsided was still alive but wobbly on the perch and very puffed up . Later on in the morning , when it was light enough to see properly , SHE took her some sweetcorn and found that she had moved positions and ate the corn as avidly as ever . All through the day , she has shown signs of improvement although she limps very badly and sits down quite a lot . HE then dug half of the holes needed for the plants that THEY are putting around the fence round the house ( ironically the fence put up to keep the chickens at bay ) and then it was time for lunch . HE was just doing the dishes after lunch when HE spied the lorry that had come for the emptying of the septic tank . As HE was in the middle of draining the oil pan , SHE went and greeted the man . After a few minutes , SHE came in and said that the cover that THEY had hoped was the correct one , was not and that the man wanted HIM to go out and dig in another place . HE got HIS spade and started digging where the man pointed . It was in about the only place that HE had not dug before , right next to the other cover . After HE had been working for a little while , the man started helping him . They finally found the cover buried nearly three feet under the grass level . The man said it should have an extension ring to raise the height and also that the filter under the other cover was broken but at least this did not stop him from emptying the tank . Finally , on this day of people news rather than horse news ( although this does affect us very much as well ) , they now have a date for the completion of the purchase of our new field . It is Tuesday 23rd October , just two weeks away . I don 't suppose we will get to go in there yet as THEY have to organize the fencing etc . but it is a step in the right direction . Tuesday 9th October 2007 Yesterday , as the septic tank man was just finishing , a van drew up outside with the name of the guy who was going to clear all the weeds in the poplar field . HE thought that it was strange that he should turn up before THEY had signed and returned the estimate but HE waved him in and went to meet him . It turned out that , although the name was the same , this guy was nothing to do with the other but had come to clear the trees from the overhead electric cables that pass across our field . So , HE just waved him on and let him get on with it . Today , while Gladys was here cleaning the house , to get out of her way , HE decided to go out on the quad and have a look at what the man had done . After seeing that he had just cut a few branches down and left them lying where they fell , HE went for a drive all around the perimeter of the field . He stopped and got off and walked along to the place where Mims escaped into the next field on the first day we came here . HE looked through the fence that HE had put up and was amazed at the sight of the field that THEY are buying . From THEIR house , the field is full of weeds , mainly buttercup type ones . When he looked at this other end of the field , apart from a few bits of still protruding stubble , it was just a beautiful pasture with lush grass and no weeds . I am really looking forward to getting in there now . THEY were trying to work out what fencing and gates we are going to need when the field is ours . HE was , at first , going to put in one gate for us to get access to the field straight from the stable and another wide one for tractors to get through to work on the land . However , SHE reminded HIM that we need some arrangement to allow us to get to the outside drinker from whichever field we are using at the time . This probably means that us horses and the tractors can use the same gate but that we may need a little bit more fencing to make sure that we can only use one field at a time but always get to the drinker . HE is going away to think about it for a while . Good news on Mrs . Lopsided . She is now getting about really well with very little sign of a limp at all . However , THEY hate having to fence the chickens in at all and are going to find a way of fencing off the neighbour 's garden so that the chickens cant get in and then they can be let loose again . HE finished putting the earth and grass back in the bits of the garden where HE had dug them out to find the septic tank cover . All that remains now are the covers which need a new collar and a filter before the grass can be arranged as it will finally be . The covers will never be buried again but probably a plant in a tub will be placed over them . When HE had the grass back , HE dug the remaining even holes ready for the new plants round the house fence , that are to be delivered soon . SHE ordered some more plants today and HE will have to dig the holes for them too but , for the ones that HE has dug , all that needs doing now is to fill them with compost from our pooh pile and then cover them back over awaiting the planting . It really makes us feel proud that we are helping to make Le Cerisier a more beautiful place ( if possible ) ! Wednesday 10th October 2007 Not a good day . Today . I 'm afraid . Not for us horses or for THEM . Really , you can 't consider one without the other though . If we have problems , it means that THEY have problems too . And , if THEY have problems , we may not take them on board in the same way but it does affect the way that THEY react with us . Let me start at the beginning . The weather , this morning , was atrocious . It was raining quite hard but that was not really so bad as it was not very cold . No , the worst thing was that it was so dark that it felt like the middle of the night . We horses had been in for a while so we were now drying off , well , except for Wick . It is hard to tell just when Wick is wet or dry as he is such a grubby little chap . Breakfast went reasonably well but then THEY both started to feel a bit sick so after we had our breakfast , THEY left theirs . We all hung about in the stable for a while but then Mims and I went as if to go out so the Big man moved out as well . This was the opportunity that Mims had been waiting for and she chased him away from the boxes . For us , the rest of the morning was spent with us two girls standing in the warm and dry and Extreme and Wick hanging about outside . There was a bit more news about the purchase of the field in the post today . But even though the price is slightly less than THEY were expecting , this did not compensate for the missing details of the sale ( acte de vente ) and the map outlining the field boundaries . I get the feeling that , until the sale is over , we horses had better try and be on our best behaviour ! Thursday 11th October 2007 We had a visit from an old friend today . Wally turned up and walked with THEM around the field to see what work needs doing when we get our new field . First the Big man went up to see him and Wally was very pleased to see him . Then I came up and Mims but when Wicky came as well , Wally moved quickly away as he is a bit scared of our Wick . He says he likes us big horses but little horses in general came be a bit scary . Then he walked round our stable and admired the iron work grills . He said he was surprised that they were so low at the front and HE explained the design was such that we can eat in peace but still socialize over the low part at the front if we want to . Then they all went indoors to talk about riser collars for the septic tank which meant we had to wait for our supper . HE got very exasperated today . Not with us but with the chickens or , to be more precise , with one chicken . THEY found ' Er Indoors had got out of the compound twice this morning and HE had to go searching for her . One she was ion our stable and the second time she was out in the ditch by the road . SHE suggested that THEY put a second row of wire netting in front of the first , slightly staggered so that the gap were smaller . HE drove around the field and found some more netting so HE brought his back and put it up . Then THEY had lunch and while HE was waiting for it to be served , HE looked out of the window and saw that ' Er Indoors was out again . He went and caught her and took her back to the compound and , as HE walked back to the house , HE looked around and saw the hen flying up onto the fence and from there back down again on the wrong side . HE caught her and took her back to the house and SHE clipped its wings . HE then returned her and THEY had lunch . HE was just having an afternoon 's doze when SHE said that the hen was out again . HE then went and fixed a line of wire along the top of the supporting posts of the fence . HE was ever so pleased when she got over this too , later in the afternoon . However , she did no escape any more today so THEY have their fingers crossed . THEY sent a note to the neighbours saying that THEY would chicken proof the fence at the front of their garden or would pay their son to do it . THEY will go and see them Saturday and if this is agreed , then the hens will be set free to roam again . If not …… Friday 12th October 2007 It as a bit cool today . Or , if you ask them , it was freezing . Now , it was not really freezing at all . We girls didn 't have coats on all night and we weren 't shivering or anything . It may have had something to do with the fact that SHE had to go for another blood test this morning and so it meant having nothing to eat and drink before it . Still , THEY should have warmed up after lunch but THEY said that THEY sat in the house and were cold . What made it worse was seeing a neighbour walking along dressed for summer . Maybe it is just old bones . We have a new routine now for our meals . SHE organizes it that we are shut out in the filed and SHE brings us in one by one , taking the Big Man first . The idea is that he doesn 't have to run the gauntlet of Mims and I flashing our teeth at him . THEY have noticed though that , apart from meal times , we all get along really well ( for horses ) . We often all stand , heads together , and doze . What the big man likes to do however , is wait in his box until Mims and I have gone out and then come into our boxes and do what Wicky calls ' he housework ' . He may have been starving when he came to us but he has very quickly learned how to eat . HE keeps reminding him that , when he first arrived , he didn 't know what a mint sweet or a sugar lump was and used to refuse to eat them . Now THEY have to take THEIR hands away very quickly or they disappear into the Big Man 's big mouth . The other little bit of progress was to go to the bank for a bankers cheque for the purchase price of the new field . This should have been easy but the French have a rather unique banking set up . THEY opened THEIR French bank account before THEY first came to France with a branch of the bank based in Normandy . They used that one because the bank provided a special service for English speakers . THEY have since tried to move to the local village branch of the same bank as THEY can never physically visit the Normandy branch . THEY discovered that , although it is the same banking firm , each Department ( County ) operates independently . To change branches THEY would have to close the Normandy account and open a new one in St Pierre des Nids ( Mayenne ) . So , when HE went into the St Pierre branch bank this morning for the bankers cheque , it caused a problem . They will have to negotiate with Normandy and can only promise to have the cheque available for the morning of the purchase signing . THEY will now have to worry that the cheque will , in fact , be ready that day . Fingers ( or hooves ) crossed ! Saturday 13th October 2007 We are now getting used to our new routine . SHE brings us in , shuts us in our boxes and then gives us a little lucerne or even short feed ( HE asked , ' why is it called short feed ? ' SHE didn 't know so if you don 't either , don 't worry - it 's just a nix of pellets , oats and stuff like that in our case ) . Then , the Big Man hangs his head over into my box , I flatten my ears and pretend to bite his face , he backs away and I kick the side of my box by which time HE has arrived with our buckets and we all settle down to eat . There was a slight change in that routine tonight because HE came on HIS own as SHE is not feeling very well . Usually , when we are put in our boxes , SHE ties Wicky up to the fence . As HE was too busy doing everything tonight , HE didn 't bother to tie Wick up . Now Wicky is a chancer . He went over to the chain across the feed room door and stretched his neck to try to get into the nearest bucket . However , HE kicked them all out of reach so next Wick tries to open the feed bin with his nose . He was just wondering what else naughty he could get up to when Mims stretched her head out of her box and nipped him on the back . Wick shot back out of the doorway in next to no time . Last night , HE cut a hole in the fence from the chicken 's run into the field at the back . THEY thought , after all , it will be OURS in a weeks time so why not try and persuade the chickens to go out there instead of into the neighbour 's garden ? Well , last night , the chickens were too cautious to use the hole even though he placed one through it . It just came running back and the others walked away . Today was a different story . They must have decided that it was safe after all and they have all been in the filed , although one of them , possibly Mrs Lopsided didn 't go far and often came back to be all alone in the chicken compound . Then , late in the afternoon , maybe the novelty wore off because ' Er Indoors decided to escape twice more , just before our supper . HE put her back and then went to get our vegetables . When HE came back HE found that Blonde had decided to come and eat with us again . HE had to pick her up and get a scoopful of our feed and then carry her back and throw the feed in the chicken run . All of which wont really matter much longer as THEY went and had a chat with the next door neighbour who said he didn 't mind at all that the chickens went into his garden . SHE said but what if they mess in there ? What if they tread in it ? But even that didn 't seem a problem . He was much more concerned that they might get run over in the road . Still , SHE said that they would have to take their chances just like Tom and Sunny do . And that was that . HE said that they might leave the fence up round the chicken run for another day or two so that they get used to going in the field and not the road . Let us see how long HE can hold out for ! Sunday 14th October 2007 The lady in the baker 's shop , this morning , asked HIM if HE was pleased that England beat France . Apparently she said that she is a rugby fan and that it was a very good match . As HE didn 't watch it and HIS French is poor anyway , all HE could do was shrug , in what HE hoped was a very Gallic way . I have another story about HIM later but first I must tell you why today is mainly about HIM . SHE is still unwell so HE came alone to give us our breakfast this morning . It must have been beginner 's luck because we were all in our boxes waiting for HIM . All HE needed to do was to close the doors and put Wicky on his head collar and tie him to the fence . I must say I approve of HIS way of distributing our buckets . Naturally HE gives Wick his bucket first as , without that many teeth , he takes longer to eat than the rest of us . But then , instead of giving the Big Man his bucket next , as happens when SHE is there , HE goes along the line , Mims first ( she is usually last ) , then me and Big X last of all . If this keeps up , I will consider changing places with Mims . Seniority and all that . We 'll see . The chickens really made good use of our ' new field to be ' today and traveled very far in search of food . They came back when HE called them for their sweetcorn after lunch but then went back again . All but one who decided to fly over the fence and explore the garden as usual . That made HIM decide to leave the fence up for a while but to open the gate for them so that they can now choose where they will go . I expect it will be back on the road as they are very perverse creatures . And finally , back to HIM . HE was going out for the bread as usual , when SHE asked HIM to look in the pharmacy window to find out which chemist was doing duty rota today , Sunday . She would have liked some tummy medicine if HE could get it . When HE looked in the window , there were two ' en garde ' pharmacies , one in Alencon , the big town 15 km away . The second was in a smaller town , Villaines la Juhel . As HE might not find the Alencon one , HE decided to go to the other . Now , there has been a diversion to the town making a trip of 26km but it was a nice day so HE didn 't mind . HE easily found the pharmacy but it was closed with a sign in the window saying ' after 20 . 00 hours . Phone the Gendarmerie for an appointment . Disappointed ( and a bit angry ) he drove off but as HE was driving HE suddenly thought that the window sign meant that you needed an appointment after 20 . 00 hrs ans HE hadn 't actually pushed the door . HE had driven about 2km but HE turned back and went to the pharmacy again . As HE approached , HE saw two men emerge but when HE tried the door it was locked . HE rang the bell and was asked if he had a prescription ( ordnance ) . When HE said no , a stream of French greeted HIM . Fortunately another man was behind HIM and he answered and the door opened . When HE said what HE wanted , the response was ' that is not an emergency ' . However , the man did serve him so HE came away successful . Then HE found , on the way home , that the diversion was over and HE could drive directly home , a distance of about 11 km ! Monday 15th October 2007 We really have HIM wondering now . We have discovered that THEY want us in our boxes for meals so we are getting there early and everyone is in their proper place when HE turns up so all HE has to do is to shut the doors and tie Wick up . Wick has even taken to going and standing where he has to be as well . You see , while HE thinks we must be being very , very good , we have discovered that , if we do it , HE goes and gives us an extra helping of food to be eating while HE makes the buckets up . If HE were clever , HE would realise that food works better every time than reasoning or scolding . It was nice that SHE came along to see us again tonight . SHE was feeling a bit better and was there to give us some treats while HE washed out buckets out . Oh , I just realised how nasty that makes us sound . Of course , we were pleased to see her just for herself but it was the sugar on the cake , so to speak , to get the treats as well . The chickens are back to normal today . Before THEY went out this morning , the barrier fence came down and they have the run of the whole place now . It was probably because they were looking up old places that they didn 't come along to join us for supper this evening . I expect we will be seeing them for breakfast tomorrow . We are getting used to the weather here now . The climate is much the same as Dartmoor but the weather is a bit different . Here ( and it as the same in Normandy ) there is a lot more mist and fog which then burns off to give nice weather in the afternoon . I think it was due to the westerly winds on Dartmoor that there was not so much fog . It seemed to be either sunny or rainy and when it rained , it rained sideways ( and often ) . Here we are on a hill so there is often a good breeze but even when there is , the mist still accumulates below . And really , that is all our news today . THEY are hoping to be able to report work starting on the kitchen tomorrow ( although THEY will believe it when THEY see it ) and THEY are looking forward to the family coming for a visit again at the end of the week . If you are a horse you just live for the moment and really only look forward to your next meal ! Tuesday 16th October 2007 And , of course , all THEIR fears were well founded . When the kitchen man had not turned up by 9 . 30 , SHE phoned him and asked him when he was coming . He first said 10 . 30 and then ' apres midi ' so THEY didn 't know what to expect . Well , he did come at 10 . 30 ish but only to say that he wasn 't going to do anything . As THEY had spent the morning emptying the kitchen cupboards as he had requested and now had the table laden with kitchen equipment and eight large plastic containers full of food of various kinds taking up most of the dining room floor , THEY were not very happy . I wont bore you with the details but HE lost HIS temper , SHE asked HIM to calm down and HE left HER to deal with the man . The outcome was that he will fit the insides to two of the cupboards on Friday and he took away two existing cupboards ( so THEY can 't put the stuff back in them ) and he will return to install them with the new one on November 9th ! It should be very interesting as the family are coming on Friday for a week and the food is all in plastic boxes on the floor . THEY went out to eat and had some wine . Wednesday 17th October 2007 Mud baths , that 's the thing . At last for the Big Man and me . For some reason Mims doesn 't like to get herself dirty . Whether it is in case that Solide comes along I couldn 't really say but we can hear that he is in a field quite nearby these days . I have to tell you something about him too . If you saw the photos that HE took a little while ago , you will have noticed that , apart from being a strapping big Percheron chap , he was jet black . Interesting because his mother , Nougatine is grey . Well , now if you saw him , I am told by HER , he is starting to change to grey himself beginning with his tail . He may even look a bit funny while he is changing but Nougatine 's colour is a special grey so he will end up being probably even more handsome than ever . Apart from mud bathing , we haven 't been doing very much today . Even the teeth baring and kicking at Big X seems to have lost it 's interest . I still do it but only because he is such a big booby . He just doesn 't know when to stop . He is always looking for a game , always big and blundering . He even has made special friends with the chickens . Not just while we are eating . They go to anyone then , anyone even Wicky ( although in his case not for very long ) . No , the Big Man likes nothing better than to have a conversation with them while they are perched on the fence outside of the stable . He puts his big face down and breathes on them and often , quite accidentally , knocks them off of their perch . I know Mims and I rag him mercilessly but really , he is quite an asset to our herd . I just wish he would go somewhere else to eat , that 's all . News on the human front . HE moved the refrigerator in the kitchen this morning so that everything is ready for the men who are coming to rebuild the end units and install the new oven . Then THEY were able to move some of the plastic boxes full of kitchen stuff around . Some went into the bedroom and the rest took up the place where the fridge had been . THEY had a phone call that the men are coming tomorrow to fix a couple of the cupboards so a lot of staff will be able to be put away and also THEY will be able to go shopping Friday morning before the family arrive in the early evening . The other really clever thing that HE did was to get HIMSELF locked in at the old folks home . Before you rush to say ' best place for him ' I have to tell you that it wasn 't by design . HE got a letter through the post the other day telling him to go for an anti influenza vaccination . HE got the serum from the [ pharmacy yesterday and went off in search of the infirmary where one gets injected . As there were no notices to say what was where in the medical complex , HE entered the first one that was near the car park . As soon as HE got in , HE could see from the sleeping residents that HE was in the wrong place but when HE went to retrace HIS steps , HE found that the doors wouldn 't open . HE eventually found a nice kind lady who shoed him both where to go and how to open the doors by pressing a button . HE should now be immune to the ' flu and hopefully being locked away , at least for this year ! Thursday 18th October 2007 A bit of a sad ending to what wasn 't too bad a day . Weatherwise , it couldn 't have been better - very sunny with s cool breeze . We horses were able to follow our usual routine of dozing indoors and then grazing virtually fly free when we went out . THEY went out shopping and one of the items on THEIR list was a " Jolly Ball " which , if you don 't know it , is a game for dopey horses - you 've guessed it , for Big X . You see , THEY have noticed that he is always up for a game . When HE mistakenly left the coiled hose pipe hanging from the support HE made for us to be showered under , the Big Man came along and played with it until he broke it . He didn 't mean to . He is just a bit big and clumsy . He just blunders along like a gentle giant but if that gentle giant treads on you are bumps into you , he is still a giant for all his gentleness and things get broken . Anyway , unfortunately THEY couldn 't get one in the shops so SHE has ordered one on the internet . However , when THEY did get home , THEY found that the delivery man had left a parcel in the sous sol . It was our new hay racks , all the way from England . You see , the problem with the old ones was that they were very strong but they only had horizontal bars spaced quite wide apart and the hay falls out . Then it gets on the floor and gets all trodden on and dirty and we don 't eat it . THEY had been using hay nets again after HE had gone to all the trouble of drilling and fixing those ones but now they can come down and the new ones go up . All HE has to do now is to get some metal grills to make lids with , just like the one I had back on Dartmoor . I 'll just mention the human things . THEY also bought one of those whirligig washing lines for when SHE has just a few items and it is not worth putting them in the tumble dryer . And when HE was in the shop , HE saw a great big sunshade parasol on end of season offer . So HE bought it . HE has visions of next year , sitting out on the terrace , surrounded by his new fence and the scented hedge that HE has planted round it , underneath the sunshade and , of course , sipping wine . Well , let Him have HIS dreams . Why not ? And now the sad bit . At supper tonight , Big X got in first so I had no chance to bite his bottom as he went in . I did pull some faces at him while we were waiting for our buckets but then it was time to eat . We had all finished eating and having our treats ans SHE had gone back to the house , when the Big Man annoyed me . I cant even remember how but all I know is that I went to snap at him and instead crashed my mouth on the wall or the grill . When HE came along to let us out and give us all a final mint , HE thought I was sulking because I wouldn 't turn to face him . In fact my mouth was swollen and dripping blood . When HE saw , HE took me out to the front of the house and she bathed my mouth . I couldn 't have been too badly hurt as I could eat the few mints HE gave me while SHE worked on me . I hear that THEY intend to come and check on me later and give me a soft meal of sugar beet . I only hope my mouth has recovered enough by then for me to eat it . THEY were very pleased that the plumber came this morning early to fit new innards to the toilets before the family arrived . The problem had been that sometimes the toilets would flush and then not stop filling but just pour the ( metered ) water down the loo . The plumber man had said that he couldn 't do the work for a while but then came up trumps after all . Then THEY went out shopping for food for the family visit but also brought back my medicine for my arthritic jaw . The funny thing is that here , one gets medicines and drugs for animals as well as humans in the pharmacies . What a sensible idea . At least it puts us on equal terms with humans for once . THEY were just settling down for an after lunch nap when there was a knock on the door and the family arrived . We all enjoyed watching as Ben rode the quad bike and Rachel rode the ride on mower and had heaps of fun . HE said HE had never heard Rachel laugh so much . THEY were going to put our coats on tonight as the weather forecast says it is going to be cold . But , when it came to it at supper time , the sun was still out and it seemed silly to put our coats on then . I will tell you tomorrow if we got too cold or not . Saturday 20th October 2007 We came in this morning still not shivering . I think it must be due to the fact that we have now grown our winter coats whereas that time in the summer when the temperature dipped suddenly and we came in shivering , all we had was our thin winter coats . In addition , it only got down to 3 ° C last tonight . However , the forecast is for it to get down to 1 ° or even zero by tomorrow morning so , at supper , THEY got our medium rugs out and put them on us . We now have four changes of clothing , our raincoats , our medium rugs , our heavy duty rugs and our stable rugs . HE has always said that we have more clothes than HE has . However , apart from being no warmer than 10 ° C all day , it was a wonderful sunny day again . The Big Man even managed to get his share of flies on his face and we all had a good time grazing up and down . I have to admit though that the grass has now lost a lot of its keep and we are relishing our bucket feed morning and evening . We still don 't take a lot of notice of the hay that THEY put out for us but I am looking forward to the haylage that is supposed to be delivered next week . We may not be making much use the of the hay but others certainly are . HE came back from the hens nesting box rather puzzled yesterday as there was only one egg and not the four that they have got used to . Today , after putting our rugs on , HE was in the feed room and happened to look down at the hay bales . There was a noticeable dent in one and , on looking in , HE found , that 's right , four eggs . HE went to check in the nesting box unless some of the four were from yesterday and some hens were still laying there but there was nothing . HE will now have to check in both places until HE discovers what is going on . It may be that , if the haylage is delivered next week , the hay will have to be moved and the hens will have to go back to their original laying place . The haylage will be no good for them as it is wrapped in tight , air emptied plastic covers . The family had a sort of quiet , at home day today , just going down to the village in the morning and to the supermarket in town this afternoon . I understand that here are plans to visit Paris later in the week if the trains are running normally . There has been a train strike last Thursday which ran into Friday as well . Things should be getting back to normal this week however . They need to because , as Steve has to drive home tomorrow , the others have train tickets to return on Thursday . Sunday 21st October 2007 The first real hard frost of the year this morning . However , we had our rugs on so we were very warm and not affected . THEY felt the cold though , especially when HE went to wash out our buckets and couldn 't because the water in the hose was frozen . Then the broom and bucket was covered in frost so HIS fingers got so cold that HE couldn 't feel the ends of them . The other side of his cold night was another day of cloudless skies and full sun so that by the afternoon , HE was able to make a start on planting the poppy seeds . The plan is that eventually we will get bright red flowers all the way along our field fence bounding the road . What HE has done so far is to dig a hole in between each fence post from the mail box at the house , right down the hill to the poplars . HE estimates this is something over thirty six [ planting sites . If even only half of the poppies come up next year it should give enough to self seed in future years , assuming that this is a suitable site for poppies . The wind should broadcast the seed all the way down the hill , at least , that is the theory . About the only other news was that the chickens continue to lay their eggs in our barn , even though HE had to take some of the hay for us to eat until the grass thawed . Later in the day Rhys came and collected the eggs although he hadn 't really got the hang of not throwing them yet . Only one got broke and as the fridge is overflowing with them again it was not a bad thing to act s a lesson to him about the consequences of them falling on the ground . Monday 22nd October 2007 And it we thought yesterday as cold … . . ! What was wrong today was that the sun made only a feeble attempt to come through and then gave up and ran away . So , what did we do ? We went out and grazed , or at least , tried to . We have nearly ten acres at the moment and it is being eaten by fou … three and a half horses and yet there is very little grass left to graze . I suppose it is because it was a pretty poor field to start with . THEY have done THEIR best , having it cut and getting rid of the nettles and ragwort . But it is still not a real pasture yet . We are now waiting for the man to come and hopefully put some stuff on it to improve it . Still , we should be getting our new field tomorrow . It 's a good life . We watched HIM today as HE went all along the fence putting compost into the holes that HE dug yesterday . We managed to ambush HIM halfway and , strangely , HE did happen to have some mints about HIS person . We finally left HIM alone although Wick did go back when the rest of us had gone . When HE had filled all the holes , HE worked HIS way back up the hill sowing the poppy seeds . HE was wrong yesterday when HE told me there were thirty six holes , there were actually forty nine . The sowing wasn 't very difficult but then HE needed to water them . It took HIM four full heavy watering cans which had to be taken down the hill and then brought back empty to the tap outside the sous sol . HE was just emptying the second can when the postman stopped and said he had a large parcel for them and would deliver it to the house . As HE was just finishing the last can , SHE came out with the contents of the parcel . IT was what they call a ' jolly ball ' a sort of football with a handle for horses . SHE had noticed how the Big Man liked playing with the hose pipe so SHE had bought him the ball to play with . SHE first threw it at my feet so I sniffed it and ignored it . Wick came over to see if he could eat it and Mims ignored it . Then SHE threw it to ( or at ) Big X . He have one jump to get out of the way and the ball bounced away and right down the hill . HE had to put the can down and go down the hill to fetch it . At least HE had some fun ! Tuesday 23rd October 2007 We now have another nearly ten acres making virtually twenty acres in all . HE cut a hole in the fence this morning and then SHE drove round the field in the afternoon to check it over . In the French legal system , you buy the property as it is in the day of the sale . It has been known for people to enter into a sale of say some land with some fine trees on it and then to find that when they actually get possession the previous owner has cut down the trees and taken the wood away for fuel . No such problems occurred with our field but it was fun to ride around anyway . SHE took first Abbie round and then Ben just for the hell of it . Then , just before our tea time , THEY went off to the notaire 's in the village . When THEY got there , THEY found that the agent , Veronica , who had found the house for them , was there to help with the translation . Because THEY had not seen her for a while , she came back with them to the house for a celebratory drink . Fine for them to be celebrating but it did mean that we had to wait for our supper . It was also rugs on again tonight . The day had been fine and sunny although not particularly warm and tonight is forecast to be the last really cold night for a while . Veronica said that she doesn 't remember when they last had frost here so early . Normally there is just a touch of it in December . Because of all the confusion today , HE hasn 't had much time to catch up on what we horses have been doing . HE went out first thing this morning to pick up the banker 's cheque from the bank to pay for the field . While HE was there , HE found out that they have , at last , been changed from the Normandy branch to the one in the village . Then THEY went out shopping , first to buy our vegetables and then on to the station in Alencon to get the family train tickets for when they go home on Thursday . It was a busy day for everybody . I think THEY will celebrate more when THEY can start to get down to actually using the field and putting up the fences . First , there was Arnold , the double pony that came to join us while we were there . Arnie has no other horses to be with now so he has adopted a field of sheep instead . He rounds them up and then runs in the middle of the flock . When he runs , they have to as well . HE tells me that Arnie has now grown quite ' well covered ' as we like to call it . Funny in a way as I am sure he doesn 't get half as spoilt as we are . The other thing with Arnie is that he now gets his own way all the time and is very nearly wild . He never has had the wormer that THEY tried to give him ( but failed ) last time THEY saw him . I think the idea was that his humans would get him some wormer powders to put into his food but it never came to anything . They are thinking that maybe the vet will give him his wormer when he next comes to the farm . Sophie , who rides him ( or used to ) has broken her arm , falling off another horse a the riding school . At first the doctor just thought that she had sprained it but when it didn 't get better , she had an x - ray and they discovered the break . She is now walking about with her arm in a sling and is not riding anything for a while . There are three big male turkeys gobbling about in the back yard now . SHE spoke to them in their own language and this created quite a stir . They fluffed themselves right up and gobble - gobbled at the tops of their voices . Unfortunately , it was mentioned that after the French school half term next week , there are only six more weeks to xmas . Talking of which , there were still a few lambs hanging about in the barn . When HE asked about these , HE was told that they were in ' being fattened ' . HE didn 't ask any more . We are only grateful that we are horses and not other farm animals and that the taste for ' cheveaux ' is diminishing in France . Thursday 25th October 2007 The day started off normal enough . THEY came with our breakfast as usual and I was feeling OK . We wandered in and out after breakfast while the grown ups went out to the bakers and the kids messed about indoors . It was a pretty gloomy day , cool but with a quite biting wind and cloud , cloud everywhere . Then THEY all had lunch and had some time to spare before going off to the station . The family came over to the stable to ' say goodbye to the horses ' but , when they got there , I was standing , looking very unhappy with my whole face swollen up . Rachel went back to tell HER and SHE came over to have a look . Straightaway SHE could tell that I was in a very bad way and SHE went off to phone the vets . When HE got back , THEY came over to the stable with a big can of warm water and were in the middle of bathing my mouth when the vet arrived . He did the usual thing that vets like to do with thermometers ( if you don 't know , just hope it doesn 't happen to you ) and said that I did not have a temperature . He then examined my mouth and was surprisingly gentle . It may be because he didn 't know me yet . This is the third vet of the four in the practice that we have met now . Anyway , SHE had prepared a note which SHE had translated into French to explain what had happened and what now SHE feared was wrong . To cut a long story short , he gave me an injection to reduce the swelling and another of antibiotics . What he found was that I had badly gashed my gum last week on the grill , when I lashed out at Big X . After appearing to improve , it had got infected an it was too late to stitch it now . The vet went and we were all let out into the field again ( after being locked up waiting for the vet to arrive ) . And , guess what ? By supper time , like magic , my face had gone back down to its proper size and I was able to eat my bucket ( although a bit slowly ) . I know SHE has got two more injections of the antibiotic to give me . With luck that will be my quota of vet visits for this year ! Friday 26th October 2007 The love affair is over . At last ! Oh , by the way , this is Mims doing today 's diary as mum is a bit indisposed . At supper tonight , SHE came over to give mum the first of three injections of antibiotics to combat the infection in her jaw . Now , mum aint silly and as soon as she saw the needle in HER hand and smelt the stuff , she threw a wobbly . Well , what she actually did was to throw her head in the air and then go and sulk in the corner of her box . Didn 't do her any good of course . HE went and got her head collar and then tried to take mum 's mind of it with an apple while SHE went and jabbed the needle in . Actually , it didn 't hurt . In fact , mum hardly felt it . No , it was more the invasion of her body and giving her no choice in the matter that really hurt . Anyway , she is still sulking ( what did I say ? ' A bit indisposed ' . And so here I am , free to spill the beans about my mother 's behavior of late . If you remember , the way that mum got the bad mouth in the first place was trying to bite the Big man and missing and snapping her gums on the grill instead . Well , what happened after that was either a miracle or a coincidence . Instead of trying to bite him , mum suddenly went quite the opposite . If she weren 't my mother I would have said that she was tarting herself in front of him . Suddenly , instead of her and me grazing together and Big X trailing along like a distant shadow , it was quite the reverse . She and X would walk along together and I was banished to stand about in the background . Well , you can imagine how this made me feel ? I did have a couple of goes at mum but she wasn 't in any mood to accept any confrontation and I had to give up . It didn 't stop me picking on the big fella though . I went for him even harder than usual . The problem is that he is so thick that I don 't think he even noticed it . He really is . He is so thick that he didn 't even notice mum waggling her rear end at him or notice that she was no longer chasing him away . Only Wicky knew what was going on . ' Wummen ' , he said , with a disdainful note in his voice , ' wummen is all trouble and no haggis ' or something like that . I can only be grateful that today , mum seems to have come back to her old self again . Apart from being excluded which , of course , I didn 't like , it was , to be frank , very embarrassing . Well , a woman of her age ? Now , if THEY were to find me a nice handsome stallion …… . ? Saturday 27th October 2007 My daughter is nothing but a tart . Jealousy just eats her up . But , I suppose it 's not her fault . It 's nature after all . If only THEY would let her have a foal of her own . Mims ' trouble is that she has done nothing . Not only has she not produced any children but she has also never been ridden . Not even hacked . I suppose you could say it is her own fault . Had she not jumped those fences and hurt herself when she was young , she would have been brought on then . Still , I suppose it 's natural to be frightened by lightning when you are a kid . Oh well . Least said … We had some progress today as the chap who organized the topping of our original field when we moved here , came along to talk about what the new field needs and also the liming of this one . SHE has asked him to top the new field and to do the chalking of our present field in two stages so that we can use half while the other is worked on and is settling and then we swap over . SHE asked him how long it takes after the liming before we can go back and he said it all depends on the rain . HE drove him round the new field and also took him down to see the poplars field . SHE told him that the chap who was meant to be doing the poplars just hasn 't showed up and asked him if he would do it . He explained that as we had accepted the estimate , the other chap should do it but that he will phone him and find out what is happening . Anyway , he will arrange someone to come along next Tuesday to make a start on the new field so at least we are getting somewhere . Wally also phoned today . He is bringing the risers for the septic tank cover next Tuesday and will also ( more important for us horses ) going o measure up the fence and gates for the new field . Tuesday should be a busy day . SHE gave me the second of my three anti biotic injections today . After yesterday I felt a bit silly for making such a fuss so I just stood there today while it was done . We had our coats off this morning so after supper , we had to have them back on again . I will admit that made me a bit ratty . There is nothing worse than being messed about at meal times . Oh , yes there is , it 's being groomed at any time . We had a bit of interest this morning as HE came over to the stables to change over our hay racks . We weren 't in when HE took the old ones out but , as HE was getting his drill and electrics ready to put the new ones up , we all walked in and offered to help . Well , no , we didn 't really . We just bullied him into giving us some mints before we would let HIM get on with the work . In fact , we hindered Him so much that HE only managed to get one new rack in place and just mark up the drill holes for the others . Then it was time for HIS lunch so HE will have to come back tomorrow morning . HE wants to get them all finished because our haylage is arriving on Monday . Then we shouldn 't care if we are reduced to just half of our field . Sunday 28th October 2007 To look at HIM this morning , you wouldn 't have thought HE had an extra hour in bed . In fact . HE looked more like HE hadn 't been to bed at all . SHE wasn 't much better . The fact is that THEY both have colds and are not really feeling terribly happy about it . Still , we did get our breakfast and that was the main thing . A bit later on ( after HE had a doze in the chair , I learned ) , HE came over and drilled the holes for the remaining two hay racks . In case you are wondering , yes , I did say only two , not three . You see , Wicky , with his lack of teeth doesn 't get on with hay at all . While we are in eating hay , he is out grazing the last bit of grass from the ground . So , after HE had drilled the holes , HE was about to erect the hay racks when Mims decided to go in and help . HE did eventually get them done and then had to wait for one of the hens to finish laying on the pile of hay before HE could fill the racks up . HE then stood proudly by and watched us all come in to inspect HIS work . Having done that , much to HIS disgust , we all just walked out again . HE then went to erect the whirly washing line and we all stood and watched while HE tried to understand the instructions . Normally when this happens , HE has two problems . First , HE cant read them without HIS glasses and then , when HE does , HE cant understand what they are telling HIM to do . Luckily this lot had a version in English and only made things difficult by assuming knowledge that HE doesn 't have . All it said was to pull the string for the gadget to open . He pulled - it didn 't . HE went back to the instructions . It still said the same thing . As usual , it was simple . What you needed to do was to erect it first then , after you have done it once , all you have to do is to pull the string . When HE woke up , the pale sun was trying to break through the clouds and HE decided to go out and measure up for the new fence and gates so that HE could give Wally a clear idea of what is needed when he comes on Tuesday . HE had just got along to the bit of the new field opposite the back of the stable when HE noticed me and Mims watching HIM with interest . That did it . HE came along and put our head collars on and HE took us both out to graze in the new field . That , of course , brought screams of protest from Wicky and worried looks from the Big Man so , when HE took us back , HE took them out , each in turn . The only problem HE had was that once Wicky got the idea and started eating , he didn 't want to go back and had to be pulled along out of the field . Monday 29th October 2007 A good day today . One could even say a brilliant day . Not the weather , you understand . Today we had the first rain we have had for ages . No complaints about that either though . We needed the rain for our grass and THEIR new plants so , if anything , the weather added to the goodness of the day . So , what was so good about it ? Well , first of all a man came with a tractor to cut our new field . HE had gone out early for the bread and then , when HE came back , HE got on the quad and drove around the new field to check up on where it needed fencing before we can safely go in it . HE had just come to the conclusion that only the back end of the field needed fencing together with a jointly owned little strip with a neighbour and was turning the quad to drive along the boundary to mark it when he saw a ' thing ' in the middle of the field . HE couldn 't make it out clearly but thought it might be a rock so HE drove out to it to have a look . And he discovered a mystery . It is a circular concrete construction with an iron lid which has the words ' ouvre ' and ' ferme ' ( open and close ) on it . It looks for all the world like the septic tank covers that HE has been concerned with lately but this is hardly likely in the middle of a ten acre field . HIS other thought is that it might be a well of some sort . HE was just pondering this when HE saw the tractor enter the field . HE drove up and asked the man of he was going to cut it but got confused with the answer - a torrent of French . Later , HE was indoors and . Looking out of the window , HE saw that the tractor was in the poplar field . HE grabbed HIS camera and went to have a look and found that there were two tractors there . So , not only was the new field being cut but also the poplar field was being cleared at last . The , when HE got back to the house , SHE told HIM that the haylage was being delivered at lunchtime . And so it was . We horses had been excited by all the tractor work and now got very worked up again with all the coming and going from the lorry to the feed store . There were several sessions of trying to keep us away from the action as it required having various gates open . After first locking us out of the stable and then locking us out of the field , HE finally resorted to locking us in our boxes until the work was done . I understand the men are coming back next week to lime our fields and HE is getting the electric fence ready to confine us to a strip until the limed part is safe and then we will change sides . It should mean however that we will have some real good grazing next spring . Until then we have bags and bags of haylage to get through . Oh well , someone has to do it ! Tuesday 30th October 2007 Even a 20 km breeze can cause an eight by six metre tarpaulin to fly up into the air . That 's what HE found out when HE tried to put a cover on the two pallets of haylage that are standing outside of our stable , up against the wall . It had seemed a simple job . First HE had to go to the shops and get some mouse / rat bait to put underneath as the man who delivered it yesterday said that mice and rats love the haylage and would eat their way through it if it was not protected . HIS next problem was putting the bait under the pallets . After HE had put it into saucers , HE carried it out to the pallets , only to be followed by hens who thought it was dinner time . HE had to return to the sous sol and watch out until the hens had gone away . Then HE went back and this time managed to place the bait under the pallets . Then HE went and got the tarpaulin and opened it up . It immediately became obvious that HE had bought a far larger sheet than was necessary . Because HE had also bought a heavy duty one , it was impossible to fold it to the required size . We all watched with amusement while HE tried first to unwrap it and then to put it round the haylage . Every little breeze seemed to lift it out of HIS hands and make it float gently away . Eventually , HE took it and laid it out on the lawn and anchored each corner down with large flower containers . Then , after measuring he haylage pile , HE got a knife and cut the cover down to size . The haylage is now covered , although not very prettily , but it took all the strength out of HIM for doing anything else today . Before that , SHE decided that SHE would like to look at the poplars field now it had been cleared . Particularly , SHE wanted to see how we could bow get to the water - or not , as it happened . The trouble is that boundaries are not very well defined on the little maps that thy make when you buy a place . HE thinks that the boundary is probably right down the middle of the stream but , at he moment , the fence is on our side of the stream making it impossible for us to drink there . It could be just that one cannot make a fence in the middle of a stream so the previous owner put the fence on the bank instead . THEY have decided that even if the boundary is where the fence is , they can dig part of our bank out to allow us to drink from our side . And then , on the way back , SHE drove the quad up the filed to have a look round and ran out of petrol . The quad is very nice and handy but its one fault is that it doesn 't have a petrol gauge . HE has now strapped a half full spare petrol tank onto the front so it shouldn 't be too much of a problem next time . Wednesday 31st October 2007 Halloween is not big in France , at least this part of France . . In Devon we were used to the local children , accompanied by their parents , coming round the doors and demanding ' trick or treat ' . Sometimes , HE would ask ' what if I chose trick ? ' , which would confuse them no end . They would say that their mum / dad had told them that they must be polite and not do anything bad . so there was not ' trick ' that they could play . Sometimes one might have a water pistol or foam squirter but it did not get used often . When they asked the neighbours here , they were told that not much happens on Halloween . But , just in case , HE bought a few chocolate sweets for any children that might call . HE actually chose the kind that HE could eat if the children didn 't call so we know what HE is hoping for , don 't we ? This afternoon . A man with a big spraying type machine arrived and started covering the new field with lime . He had gone over the field this morning on the quad to check up on the cutting that had gone on the other day and to calculate how much fencing needs to be done . It would appear that we need about 100 meters of fencing along the bottom of the new fields as well as a little bit ( thirty / forty metres ) between our neighbours and our part of the field . It was a glorious day today and HE took HIS camera along to get a few photos of the field now it has been cut . One of the things that is a bit of a puzzle is the concrete round thing with the iron lid . So , in case any of the neighbours knows what it is , HE took some photos of that as well . And then , in the middle of the afternoon , just as HE was getting ready to have a little snooze , there was a loud noise outside and , on looking out , HE saw that the man with the tractor had come to lime the new field . HE got a few photos of the tractor going up and down and then the noise abated for a moment . When HE looked out , HE saw that the tractor was going into our old field as well . THEY had arranged for the man to do half of our field first and then , when we could go back into it again , o o the other half . And that was what the man was going to do now . HE had to rush out and get the quad and load it with electric fence poles and tape to fence off the part that had been limed . While the tractor man continued to lime our field , HE erected the fence in the middle . I don 't think HE will bother to put the electric charge onto the fence as we all know now what it is for and wont bother to push it over ( which we could easily do ) . And that is the end of October . A beautiful warm day after a frosty night . The only possibility now is that Wally might turn up tonight . He should have come last night but builders being builders , it was nit much of a surprise that he failed to materialize . If he comes . All well and good . If he doesn 't well - ' c ' est la vie ' as we French horses say ! back to Archive Index |
Chatting with b ' f last night just set my teeth on edge . I wish I wouldn 't feel guilt about dumping him so I can just do it . My son would miss him so much though . Anyway , he said something about Monday being the 4th , and how he gets his son . He is planning on getting him at 10 am . No big deal to me . We didn 't make any plans . I am sure we are included in his , but we hadn 't talked about it . He hemmed and hawed around , and I asked him what he had planned , and he said he was going to try to convince me to come to his house . Why he said " convince " I haven 't figured out yet . I told him all he had to do was ask . He hesitated , ( this was on messenger ) like he was straightening his clothes before a judge , and finally asked if I would do him the honor of coming to his town and spending the day with them . Before I had a chance to answer , he typed " pretty pretty pretty please ? ? ? ? ? " What a dumbass . I asked him if I have ever turned down and invitation to his house . He thought , and thought , and thought . " Well , no . " I mentioned that if I ever did say no , it would have had to do something with the shape of my car , or bad weather was in the forecast . ( snow , ice , that kind of thing . Rain wouldn 't be an issue ) I don 't understand why he acts like it takes such supreme effort to ask . Last year when his son was in band and had to march in parades he never invited us . I assumed it was because he was escorting his exwife to a lot of the out - of - town ones . No big deal . My son and I like parades and little festivals , but he didn 't ask , and I wasn 't going to invite ourselves . He said later that he didn 't think I would want to come . My take on this is that he keeps waiting for me to say no , so he can feel like the victim yet again . We went through this thing before where he kept talking about us getting married and crap , and I knew that wasn 't going to happen as long as I had a sane bone in my body . I told him we needed to talk . He kept asking me on messenger what about , and I told him we would talk about it next time he came over . We ended up taPosted by You can feel it as you walk the halls . People searching faces , hoping to see a friend . Even though the face is unfamilliar , you can sense the maturity , the ill feeling of not fitting in . The moment of recognition and kinship with other older students . The palpable feeling of " you are old , so if you can do it I can do it too " feeling . The " we have to stick together " feeling . The relief washes over you as you see that you aren 't the only one that didn 't get a higher education fresh out of high school . At the junior college I am attending , there are a lot of older students . A lot of the manufacturing plants in our area are being sent overseas , or just shutting down altogether . Some of us are taking the opportunity to try to better ourselves so we won 't be so indespensible . You can see the unsureness of people , and they bond they feel just seeing someone close to their age as they hustle from class to class . A word doesn 't even have to be spoken . Just a glance , means " you 're ok , I 'm ok " . The average age in my speech class is 19 . The oldest student is 46 . I will be 46 in a few weeks . : ( We had an exercise in class where we were given sentences and we had to write down how we interpreted them . For instance , how old do you think old is ? How old is elderly ? How much is considered a good living , as compared to a great living ? Its all in translation . I put old as 75 , simply for the fact my stepmother is 70 and is more lively and busy than I am . She doesn 't seem old . I really think it depends on the person . One of the girls in class said that she considers 40 old . : ( That was a good boost for my ego . : ( The punk . The diversity of people amaze me . There are the whiners , who really get on my nerves . ( ok , ok , I know I whine HERE but I try to contain it just to here . People in my real life think I am strong and confident . ) Then there are the buttkissers , who try to butter up the instructors for the better grades . I lean more toward being quiet and working hard , but that doesn 't work out too well . I killed off too many brain cellsPosted by Back to school for me today . Speech class was ok . We have a quiz tomorrow . My other class was a bomb as far as I am concerned . We have to write another batch file for DOS and I forgot everything over the last week . There were only about 5 of us that had the homework done that he had given us , so at least that was something . Tomorrow we go straight to lab and I will try to make sense of that mess I was working on . I got a new computer chair today . It is wonderful . Black leather , with a massage unit and heater in it . : ) I may sleep here tonight . : ) They were on sale at Staples , so that was a good thing . It was very much needed . I just want to sit back and go to sleep . May not be conducive to good homework productivity . I have to try the new picture thing I just read about . It looks like it works . This is just a picture I got off the web . I just had to check it out . Thats a lot easier than hosting it somewhere else . It makes my life just that much easier . : ) I guess I will go . I am just going to lean back in my massage chair and take a little nap . Life is good . Except for DOS batch files . : ( God Bless . We went to the movie today . It was corny . It was unbelievable . It was fun . It brought back the memories of when I was a kid and saw the original ones with Dean Jones and Buddy Hackett . I had a huge crush on Dean Jones when I was a kid . He was cute , funny , and seemed very lovable to a little girl growing up . * sigh * The movie was good , although I really don 't think that Lohan chick is all that . She makes a lot more money than me though so I guess she is . I am sure she doesn 't care about my opinion anyway . lolI have been dreaming about different improvements I want to make to my house . I know a lot of it will come to be over time , but it never hurts to plan ahead . I took a tour of Home Depot Thursday , daydreaming through the aisles of what I could change , and how it would look . I figure one room at a time . First the bathroom . It should take less than $ 1000 to get it completed . Almost all of it is done except the plumbing and some minor carpentry . I want a new dishwasher and kitchen sink . That will probably be next . I would like to replace the wallpaper and linoleum in the kitchen too , but I am not up for a big remodel for awhile after this bathroom thing . Of course I need new carpet and a new living room suite , but that will come in time too . I plan on waiting at least for my next big grant check before I do anymore than the bathroom . I want to have a cushion . We played Mario Golf on the game cube tonight after we got home . 4 people on 18 holes last forever , especially since G likes doing replays about 5 times on every shot . :| When people do the rude comments when you are shooting is a real nerve wracker too . I think they all do it just to drive me crazy . Oh well , they just left a few minutes ago , and the house is peaceful again . All I can hear is the hum of the air conditioner and the low murmurs of The Red Green Show in the other room . I love that show . I have turned on about everyone I know to that show . It 's been nice not to have any homework this weekend . I plan on reading over my notes for speech tomorrow . I goPosted by My attorney just called . My claim is settled . Words cannot describe the relief I feel . He may have the papers by the time I get out of class tomorrow , and he may be able to get them finalized since the arbitrator is still going to be in town . After class I have to drop by and see if everything is in place . It feels like 50 lbs was lifted from each shoulder . My only concern is if I get the money before my roof gets done . The funds have already been ok 'd , but I don 't know if this counts . I would still rather get the loan and pay the house off since its at a higher interest rate . I won 't be rich , but at least I won 't have to worry about making house payments for the next 5 years . Holy COW ! Its hard for me to comprehend right now . If the roof thing doesn 't go through , its going to take almost all that I get after attorney 's fees to get the roof done , and that would really suck . I am just going to think positive thoughts . The speech is over with . It went good . I got compliments after class by a few of the people . That made me feel better . Everyone can tell how nervous I am . I don 't have the grade on it yet , but I read over the instructors evaluation and it was all good . All the classmates evaluate us too on strong points and what we need to work on . I saw one of mine laying on the desk and it said I need to work on eye contact . Thats a valid point , but these were manuscript form and everyone had a hard time with that since she wanted it at close to word for word as possible . Life is good . Thanks for all the prayers . I am almost speechless . God Bless . * sigh * My attorney called a bit ago . He said he had just talked with the attorney that is representing the company and has recommended that they settle . ( the company attorney recommended to the company that they settle ) My attorney says if they don 't agree and we still end up in arbitration it won 't be till Thursday so at least I am off the hook tomorrow . The attorney for the company said he was surprised he hasn 't heard from the company , but he just got back from vacation . Mine and the company atty are supposed to talk tomorrow and go from there . I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack today . I was thinking about that tomorrow and also giving my speech tomorrow . At least now I can tackle just one thing . My voice has been cracking for a few days now , and I know its because of the stress . My dad said I can take 1 / 2 of one of his Xanax in the morning and that should help . I have never taken one before , so we shall see . Meds usually don 't effect me a whole lot , so I don 't think it will be a problem . I rewrote my speech a bit , and here is the final version ( its supposed to be manuscript form , so here it is in its entirety ) I come here today to pay tribute to something very near and dear to my heart . Something that has met the challenges that life has thrown his way . I want to express my gratitude and praise for my car . ( insert picture # 1 ) This is how Car might have looked in his heyday . Car was made in the year 1989 , and had high ideals of what he wanted to do in his lifetime . His hope and dream was to surpass the lifetime of most cars his age . He has been there in good times , going to parties , bringing home a new baby from the hospital , and taking his people to weekend getaways . He has been there in bad times . going to funerals , transporting his people to the doctor when they were ill , or to visit a sick friend in the hospital . He has even withstood all the mundane tasks required of him . Trips to the grocery store , the bank , school , and the monotonous daily trips to work . He has always been dependable and did what wPosted by My mom has been on my mind a lot lately . I realize its father 's day , but I need to talk about my mom . She was born in 1935 . She was the 2nd child of my grandparents , succeeded in birth by a big brother . ( he was premature . hahaha . He got here 7 months after they were married , but seemed awfully big for a premie in the times , 1930 's , wink wink ) She met and married my father , an 8th grade dropout , in 1953 . She was still in high school , and dad would tell me later how ironic it was that when whe was absent during her senior year that he would have to write her excuses to the office for her . They had convinced her parents that she was pregnant , to find out months later that she still wasn 't showing . They had told her she couldn 't see him anymore , so she told them she was pregnant . Not wanting the baby to be too " premature " they agreed to the marriage . My brother was born in Dec . of 1954 , and I came along in July of 1959 . My sister followed suit in 1964 . I often wondered what they used for birth control since we were evenly spaced , but didn 't dare asked . My mother was my best friend . To me she took special care with me , as I was always the one picked on . Out of us 3 , we all felt like we were the favored child , which is what good parents do . Anyway , when I was about 8 , my mom got sick . They made her quit her job , and I remember her taking two baths a day . One to get clean , and the other to " soak " I knew she hurt , but I didn 't know how or where . She was a great reader , and would have a huge book in the tub with her and not come out till she was all pruney . Then she would lay in bed and read , either to herself , or to me and my sister . I knew she went to the dr . alot , and we started taking her to the local airport to fly out of town for " treatments " . I heard the word cancer , but I didn 't know what it meant . I remember seeing her in the hospital a few times , when kids under 12 weren 't allowed in . Dad told us we had to be very quiet and sneak , so they wouldn 't find us . I know now they were concerned that we would disturb the oPosted by Last night as my son was getting ready to go to bed he wistfully said , " I wish b ' f was my dad . " My heart just breaks when this happens . I wish I could love b ' f enough to make that commitment for him . B ' f would like that . G needs a dad . He needs a man figure in his life . But he needs more of a man I think . B ' f is nice , and funny , and likes to do things ( movies , running around , fairs , parks , etc ) but on the other end of the spectrum , he has no drive , an imminent failure rate , and accepts that too easily . I can 't respect that . He expects to be the victim . We were chatting last night , and he seems to think that when he says " oh well " when someone dumps on him that he is being noble at accepting his fate . I see it as being a dumbass who lets others take advantage of him because they can . He even made the comment last night that he said " oh well " three times to different things we had been talking about in the same evening . That drives me freakin insane . If someone dumps on me , I sure don 't stand around waiting for the next time . I understand there are circumstances where its very hard to get out of that situation , if related to work or something , but its not the case . Here is one example : He has a nephew staying with him . His nephew is in his 20 's , works part time , parties a LOT . He doesn 't have a car , I 'm not even sure if he has the momentum to even get out of bed when the driver 's license bureau is open so I don 't know if he even has a license . B ' f carts him around when he needs it , unless he can hitch a ride with one of his drunken buddies , even takes all his laundry to the laundromat and does it all for him , ( without even asking for a damn quarter ) and doesn 't ask for ( or receive ) any help with utility bills . I told him he needs to ask for something , even take him and the clothes to the laundry and let him do that much . He doesn 't clean , help with anything . His girlfriend kicked him out awhile ago cos she got tired of supporting him . ( single mom , working full time , supporting a child and mr . underachiever . ) I don ' tPosted by I got this one from FreeFlowThought . First , my results . . . . . you are mediumauqamarine # 66CDAAYour dominant hues are cyan and green . Although you definately strive to be logical you care about people and know there 's a time and place for thinking emotionally . Your head rules most things but your heart rules others , and getting them to meet in the middle takes a lot of your energy some days . Your saturation level is medium - You 're not the most decisive go - getter , but you can get a job done when it 's required of you . You probably don 't think the world can change for you and don 't want to spend too much effort trying to force it . Your outlook on life is brighter than most people 's . You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up . You 're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up . the spacefem . com html color quizI 'm not sure I agree with the last paragraph , but since I started this at 2 am and got scared out of my wits by a raccoon at my window about 3 foot from me , its no wonder I was rattled . The house was quiet , I was sitting here in the glow of the monitor , no sounds but the ceiling fan barely making a sound above my head , when I heard a loud noise right next to me . The critter was under the radar as my floodlight with the motion sensor didn 't go off . I don 't normally leave the window open , but we have had a slight cooling of temps so tonight I finally decided to turn the air off and let some real fresh air into the house . Silly me . The window is closed now and my heartbeat is getting back to normal . I had the appointment with my attorney today . We may have the arbitration thing Wednesday , but he won 't know till Wednesday for sure . He said the way arbitration works is that they don 't schedule it till that morning , so I have to be ready and need to be within 30 minutes of the place . I live 45 minutes from the place . He said he doubts if he finds out anything until after noon , so to go ahead and go to class . I have another speech dPosted by I gave my speech today . I lived through it . We did a questionaire that asked how we rated ourselves on speaking in various situations . It ranged from 1 - 24 , doesn 't bother you at all , up to bothers you some , normal amount of public speaking fear , and 80 - 125 is Extremely high level of apprehension . ( deer in the headlights , I am gonna hurl kind of fear . ) I was 117 . Not surprising . At least I wasn 't " fall over and die of a heart attack " . I knew we were going to be discussing fear and how to combat it , ( of course that was AFTER the speech ! ! ! ) so before class I was thinking back about how I got so afraid . It made an impact on me , and I know I will never forget it . It seemed like only yesterday . . . . ( cue dream sequence . . . . ) We were beginning a new school year . It was fall of 1970 , and I had my first male teacher . It was his first year teaching , and he seemed a very nice guy . He enjoyed kids , I could tell , and that is very important in a teacher of grade school kids . My 4th grade teacher hated kids , and it was apparent . But I digress . . . . . Most of the kids in the room were ones I had been to school with the 5 years proceeding . Kindergarten was kind of optional back then , so my parents didn 't send me . Most knew we were poor , and I was extremely shy . My mom had passed away the winter before , so I was shy , raw with emotion , and very backward . Our teacher thought it would be a good idea to go around and tell what we did over summer . Being new to the area , he wanted to get to know us and what there was to do . He started at one side of the room and was going around . Someone went to Disneyworld , someone else went to church camp . someone else was in a wedding , on around the room . Then was my turn . I stood up at my desk , got ready to talk about church camp , Bible school . . . . . . . . then there was a knock at the door . The teacher went over , and we could hear the " buzz buzz buzz " of whispers , and he turned and looked at the class , and announced , " I 'll be right back , go ahead and continue " . There I was with no teacher , talking to a bunch of 1Posted by is postponed for tomorrow . There are about 6 of us left that didn 't get it in today . Darn it . We just ran out of time . < = = = = sarcasm . I don 't want to give it at all . She took volunteers and I just didn 't . I know tomorrow I won 't have a choice . I will deal with it then . I think I was about the only one that worked on the batch script for DOS . He said I was about 90 % of the way there . : ) For a change I wasn 't the last one done . I am not having much luck with the ones he gave us today . I don 't think he is going to be there next week , so we will probably have a lot of homework then . We still only have 8 weeks to get through all of it , and we are on week # 2 . G 's game went well tonight . He has another one Thursday night . Then Saturday . My attorney called today . I was hoping it was to tell me that we have an offer to settle . I didn 't want to call . I hate calling over there . He is a nice guy , seems to know his business , but I hate it . Not him , just IT . I want this done and overwith . He sent them a letter saying if he doesn 't hear from them by the 22nd , an appointment has been scheduled with an arbitrator . He called today to make an appointment with me before we go to arbritration next week . : ( He says he hasn 't heard anything at all from them . My SIL said she doesn 't think I have to go to that , but I bet he says I do . I don 't wanna . I want the whole thing to go away . I feel better since I am back with more veggies and fruit again . I had a salad with almond slivers and cheese on it . Poppy seed dressing . Very yummy . I just had an orange too . I would like to drop about 100 lbs before my speech tomorrow . I somehow don 't think that is going to happen . I had better get to bed . I have a speech to give in the morning . WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! Good night , and God Bless . Yesterday after G 's game , b ' f , his son , and us went shopping and rented some movies . We saw Batman , ( Micheal Keaton 's 2nd one I believe , good what I saw , but I fell asleep in part of it ) , Cat Woman , which I liked , even though some of the computer animation left a lot to be desired , and National Treasure , which I really liked . They left around 11 : 30 and took the movies back on their way home . G did great in his game . We had our own rooting section . Sue showed up and so did my friend Cathy . Its a shame , but we only get together during his ball games , and then only 2 times a season or so . We don 't really have a lot in common , but I don 't want to lose touch with her . She travels all over the world , used to know every ball player on every team , where they came from , who they are related to , and all the stats . She was that way in music too . She is extremely smart and got straight A 's in school . She got majorly depressed once because when she graduated she got an A minus . I was pretty close with her mom , and her mom loved G . She would babysit for me on occasion when I went to get a perm or something . Her and G had big plans to drive a van to California and take the neighbors dogs to see the ocean . She passed away very unexpectedly a few years ago , and I still miss her terribly . I have been working on homework . Gathering things for my speech . We have to get a bag that has some importance to us , and 3 items to put in it that are important somehow . I may have even written about this before . ( What age does Alzheimers usually start ? Sometimes I wonder . . . . ) I made a collage of my kid , I got a Cross , and a lego building that looks like a house . I need to think of a strong start and a good finish . I am still working on this , needless to say . I will just make sure the part in my hair looks nice , and maybe they won 't notice . LOL I thought about leading in with how , for a price , I can buy about anything I need to survive at Walmart . ( using a walmart bag ) , then bring out the cross and say something like , this represents Christ to me , Posted by My parents made it back today with presents in tow . We get a little gifty for dog sitting . I got a cute little windchime , and G got a light thing that glows and spins . He already had one , but it was about dead , so this one is brighter . They got him some stickers with his name on them . Only when he came home and showed me , it was the feminine name like his . : ( We are going to take a sharpy and try to fix it . Oh well , they meant well . My dad started collecting model vehicles like he has had in the past . He got a 1949 truck the same color and everything like his daddy had . We used to have some sort of law that if you bought a truck you had to have your name and town painted on the doors . I don 't know why , but dad said that you only had 30 days after purchase to do it , or you got fined . I came home and whipped out some address labels and made him a set for both doors . He is happy as a clam . While I was working on them I went over to get the truck to make sure I had the right size and caught him with his head hanging over the trashcan and his handkerchief full of blood . My stepmother said she thinks it has something to do with the blood thinners and the aspirin he is taking . I didn 't think you were supposed to take both , but she said his Dr . told him to . He is miserable . I went back about 15 minutes later and he was all cleaned up and sitting there like nothing happened . I got very downhearted when I wondered how often this has happened . I have a meeting with my contractor next Friday . He is concerned if the church does the tear off that it might rain before they get here and then my insulation in the attic will get mildewed . Its a valid point . I am going to talk to the pastor and see if he wants to sit in on the meeting too . I think the contractor expects him to . We shall see . Tomorrow is G 's first peewee game this year . Then he has one Monday , Thursday , Saturday , and next Thursday , and he is done for the season . I am not sure how long little league lasts . I guess I will find out next year . He had practice last night aPosted by I got a call from my stepmother last night . She wanted to check on the dog while they are gone . , and I guess make sure the house is still standing . They will be home Friday instead of Sunday . She said that the dr . called and something is going on with his heart according to the monitor they had on him . She had told me before they left that he may need a pacemaker , but he said he isn 't going to do it cos he is tired . I understand . But I don 't want him to go , and its very selfish of me . I guess we will see what happens . She said they need to get back so they can get a medicine for him anyway . They are having a good time , which was the whole point . Really , its a good idea for any vacation to have a good time . Doh ! Everyone got to give the introductory speech yesterday . My voice wasn 't normal , my face was red , and I was clutching my paper like it was a rope holding me while I was dangling off a cliff . They didn 't get to see my face much , but they sure got a look at the part in my hair . : ( I kept trying to focus on speaking clearly and slowly . When I am nervous I have a tendency to talk really fast . I had my Expectation Paper that was due complete , and getting over the fear of speaking in front of a group was first on the list . It went ok , but I have a long way to go before I am comfortable . I found out I got approved for my loan on the roof . She said the approval letter should be going out in the mail today . Then I can call the roofer and get on the schedule . YAY ! I will call my pastor this afternoon if I haven 't heard anything by then to see if he came out and looked around yet . They may help with some of the labor if possible so it might lower my bill some . His office is about 2 blocks away from the contractor so I told them I may let them talk it out and see what they can do together . It would be great to get a lower bill , then I wouldn 't have to use all of my savings . It will be great not to worry about critters in the attic anymore . We might even start sleeping upstairs in our beds and not in the living room . ThatPosted by If I wasn 't such an old lady this wouldn 't be a big deal . Probably . I have nothing to base it on . We had 3 assignments for speech class today . Interview a classmate the remaining minutes of class , write a speech introducing them to the rest of the class , ( that we have to give tomorrow ) write at least a one page paper on what we expect to learn out of the class , and tomorrow we have a quiz on the syllabus . In my survey of operating systems class there was no homework . The instructor for that class is the same one I had for networking , and is known as the quiz nazi . He said we won 't have many for this class . YAY ! I think I alone was responsible for the death of a couple of trees last semester . I interviewed a very nice girl that looked like she was about 19 , maybe . Turns out she is 27 , and has 2 kids , a 6 year old and a 2 year old . She sure doesn 't look it . I am 45 but feel like 80 , so I guess I am not a good judge of age anymore . I used to be almost right on the money . She said she gets that a lot though . She loves to write . I told her about the wonderful world of blogging . She may be checking it out soon . I know it helps me to get rid of my doubts and fears . Its nice just to have a release . I feel like I am talking to a friend who sits and listens quietly . I can rant or rave , bitch and moan , and I don 't offend anyone that I know in real life , cos no one in real life knows about it . : ) Pretty smart move on my part I think . Time to go to bed . I am going to study for the quiz tomorrow . I get to do this all over again . God Bless . Tomorrow I start the summer session . I have mixed emotions . I am not used to having 3 weeks free time . Its been boring boring boring . I even started hanging out at the message board again getting involved in the altercations . In that respect school starting again is the best thing for me . I feel like I am starting all over , not knowing who is going to be in my classes . I know one for sure in my second class , but not for speech . I need to get my trusty backpack ready too . I never finished cleaning it out from last semester . I am poor since I got the jalopy fixed last week . I had to turn my papers in today so I can get a check this week . I was thinking about waiting till tomorrow since I will be driving the distance anyway , but I am not sure about the car thing , and since a friend is watching the munchkin for me I don 't want to take any extra time . She is only going to watch him for 3 days I think till my parents get back from vacation . I get reimbursed up to a certain amount on the babysitting , so all parties involved said they would accept whatever I get . My stepmother said she wouldn 't take any money at all , but I told her since I was getting it , she might as well have it . I could use it , but it wouldn 't be right . She is going to take him fishing and other cool stuff . I imagine he will get some computer time in too . I took some papers to my attorney 's office today . The letter I got from him said that if they didn 't agree on a settlement before the 22nd of June it would go to arbitration . That is the day of the appointment he made . I thought I had better get the rest of the billing statements to him just in case . I really hope it comes to an agreement before then . I would be content if it just paid the bills for the surgery and paid me my out of pocket , but it would be great to get some other bills paid off . ( Like the house ) I owe less than $ 7000 on the house . We went to Midas and got the oil changed in the car . Stopped by Sue 's and picked up the Cd 's that she ordered for us . I have been listening to Bryan Adams sinPosted by I added some , but will add more at another time . Now some can see who I read and who I stole from to get to other ones that I am hooked on . : ) ) Have a great one ! We had to go to town today to get ball pictures taken . The car did fine . We went to another town to get the pictures back my son took at his school outing . The car acted like nothing had ever been wrong . Thats a great feeling . My dad is feeling better so they are leaving for vacation tomorrow right after church . I gave my stepmother " digital camera 101 " and let her borrow my camera and all the accessories . I made her change batteries , take the card in and out , make it zoom in and out , and delete pictures . I told her to play with it for awhile , so if there is a problem we can still get it figured out in the morning . She is taking her regular camera too , so they probably won 't use the digital much . I hope they do . Mine is just a point and shoot , but I imagine if I was trying to learn it when I was 70 I might be a little nervous too . All this talk about photos . My son is 8 . I can tell by the pictures he took that he watches me too much . It goes to show you can 't be too careful when you are living your life cos you are being watched , especially if you are a parent . He got a few pictures of kids , but mostly were trees , and close up of leaves . LOL I gotta love the kid . Almost all the pictures he took were a blur . I told him you are supposed to STOP for a second when you take a picture . He took them all on one trail . 27 pictures . He must have used up the film in 8 minutes after arriving . LOL . I am no great photographer . Not even a good one . I like what I like , and I don 't always capture it like I want . My house is dowdy , and when I take pictures in the house I am always concerned about where they are being taken . I see the background now instead of just what I want to be in the picture . I have had too many pictures I was embarrassed to show anyone because of the carpet stains , lousy wallpaper , or toy riot in the living room . Some day I will have good carpet , a kid that picks up his toys , and better wallpaper . Someday . B ' f car was still in the shop today , so we won 't be seeing him this weekend . He went out to dinner with hiPosted by You Are 65 % Normal ( Really Normal ) Otherwise known as the normal amount of normalYou 're like most people most of the timeBut you 've got those quirks that make you endearingYou 're unique , yes . . . but not frighteningly so ! How Normal Are You ? Who would have thunk it ? I am really normal ! ! ! ! Yikes . How screwed up does that make everyone else ? ? ? ? I am Power of Attorney for Health Care for my dad and stepmother . I assumed if they did that it would be my brother since he is the oldest , but he is second . B ' f said he thinks they made a wise decision , but I am not so sure . Ok , so I am really practical , and if he is suffering and he won 't have any improvement , he clearly states what he wants done . He wants finances and quality of life considered . I can do that . I think . Haven 't they realized the trouble I have letting things go ? I am a basket case at funerals where I don 't even know the people . I had thought at one time of going into the physical therapy field , but when I found out that you had to work with cadavers I was a wreck . All I could think about was that they had belonged to someone . They were someones child / parent / aunt / uncle / etc , etc . If it comes down to it , will I be able to stand by what they want ? I think I will , but will it haunt me ? Or will it haunt me if I don 't ? Are you considered an orphan if your last parent dies when you are 45 ? or older ? I know my dad is suffering , and I hate to see it . When my mom passed back in 1970 she had been in so much pain from the cancer . She never let us know , but Dad protected her from us . We were allowed to sit on the bed quietly . We got bouncy , we were sent to the other room . In those days we still had a black and white tv . Being a big tv family , when Mom got confined to bed dad went out and got a color tv for their room . Needless to say , the 3 of us kids had our places in the bedroom to watch with them . It was amazing . It sure helped prolong the life span of the old black and white set . Dad still misses Mom after all these years . I know he can 't wait to see her . I can feel her presence with me sometimes . I wish my son could have met her . My stepmother is good to him , but , well , its not the same . My mom was my mom . Very special , loved us all very much . All three of us felt that we were loved equally . Thats what a good mom does . I hope when dad goes , he goes peacefully in his sleep , with a smile on his face , ablePosted by Today was the day to pick up books . We got there around 8 : 45 and was done by 9 : 15 . Pretty good I thought . Unemployment office at 10 , the park to meet Sue by 10 : 30 . G was playing and having a good time , and Sue thought we should join in . It was a good idea in theory . Needless to say , I fell on the slide and hit my back against the bottom of the metal part . I have a bruise and scrape about 2 inches in diameter . I feel like I really been whomped . We went and ate at McD 's and let G wear himself down some more in the kids thing . ( No amount of trying to get me involved there worked ) We went back to the park and played Putt Putt . It was a lot of fun . Sue hates it , but she won . G loves it but was so impatient he didn 't even want to wait till the ball stopped moving before he hit it again . He came in last . I , of course , being true to form , was mediocre . Onward to the batting cages . G did great ! He hit about 80 % . His stance was great , and he was really hit them out of there . He had never done it before , and I was real impressed . I can tell we are going to be doing that quite a bit I hope . Then I took a turn . Out of 10 balls . . . . ( drum roll please ) . . . . . I HIT 10 ! ! ! ! ! ! I was nailing them . I really liked that . Its been over 30 years since I have hit a ball . I was never very good before , but I think I was taking out my frustrations . It felt great ! Sue did crap , so that lifted my spirits some too , and its not nice , but its honest . My dad came home today . He is cranky , tired , and complaining . He said they are talking about a pacemaker , but he doesn 't want to have anything to do with it . He said if God wants him to go , just take him . He is tired . I understand . I got my car back . It ran fine home from the shop , so I think its going to be ok . He said the rest of it looked fine . I pray it sees me through another year . God Bless . |
I left the toddler 's room and looked at Nick . " Elmer rang to say he was keeping you for a bit of extra work . He didn 't want me to worry . " Elmer was right about that . I would have been very worried if I hadn 't known . Nick hadn 't been more than a few minutes late since his return . " Elmer did tell me that he rang and , " he paused for a moment , " I was deep in the bowels of the base . There 's no cell reception down there . " He paused for another moment . " May I ask you a question or two , Penny ? " " Oh dear , that 's a tough question . As for cousins , my Uncle Eric had three children ; Jerod , Elmer and Roccio . Aunt Kathy had two ; Malcolm and Shanna . Uncle Sammy had two ; Glen and Devon . So that makes 7 cousins . But once you go deeper into the family tree , I think about 1 / 3 of Sunset Valley is related to our family to some degree . What brought that up ? " I was curious since we hadn 't really talked about family before . " It 's a small exaggeration but not too far from the truth . I have 3 siblings . My dad had 3 siblings . My grandfather had 4 siblings . Since almost all of them got married and had kids , that does add up . My mom , she was the only child and her parents had no siblings so that side of the family is non - existent . " " I only have Aunt Amelia , who has never married , and Uncle Travis who has three kids . My dad and my uncle never really got along so I don 't even know my cousins . And I only have two siblings . " He looked at me with an odd expression . " I never really thought about how few relatives I have compared to you . " " The only cousins I really know are Jerod and Elmer . I know a few of the rest of them vaguely but not enough to hang out . The oldest of my cousins , I don 't know at all . Which means it 's not that different . " " It 's been very quiet all day . The toddlers have all been quite happy playing with their toys . In fact , Jerod was by earlier and I had time to train him a bit in martial arts . Odd that you should happen to mention cousins today . " Nick shrugged and went off to the toddlers room . I watched , thoughtful . It was very odd that Nick decided to ask about my cousins and Jerod turned up on the same day . Life is so full of weird coincidences like that though . It had been about two weeks since Jerod had given me the Axe of Pangu and he wanted to know if I was going to be using it any time soon . I told him I didn 't know . Since his return , Nick had been doing far more with the children than I 'd originally asked . He didn 't just start watching over the toddlers at their bedtime . From the moment he got home , he played with and taught the toddlers . He also made sure he spent time with Buddy every day before dinner . When Buddy got home , he rushed to his desk and did his homework . Buddy knew that if he finished his homework , he could get his dad to play . If the homework wasn 't done , then that would be what Nick and Buddy did together for the night . I don 't know exactly what else Nick had done , but Buddy was doing well in school . We never had phone calls about his bullying either . Buddy , Nick and I would eat dinner at 7 each night . At about 8 , Nick would put the toddlers and himself to bed in their room . He 'd stay in the bedroom with them until he had to get up , get ready and leave for work in the morning . I hadn 't adjusted to Nick being with the toddlers every night though . After two years of effectively being a single parent , I still had the habit of waking up several times in the night . I would spend a few minutes listening in case there were any signs of trouble . I never heard more than a small whimper without hearing Nick 's voice as well . Of course , sometimes I did get up and double check . There were times when I 'd find Nick asleep in the rocking chair , with one of the triplets on his lap . Other times , he 'd in the sleeping bag with a toddler cuddled on his chest . It was rare to find Nick in the sleeping bag without a toddler in his arms . If I happened to check while Nick was awake , he always told me the same thing . " You can go back to bed , Penny . I have this . " I had to admit , he did have it . He was taking it all in stride , not once did I notice him complaining . The household had all gone to bed and I had been asleep for a little while . There was a soft tapping on my bedroom door which woke me . " Penny ? Penny ? " Nick said quietly . " I 'm going to take Ruby to the hospital . She 's been coughing a lot in the past two nights and she just started again . " He was jiggling her , which was making Ruby smile . " Ruby can 't sleep . I can 't sleep because Ruby can 't sleep . And it seems worse at night so it 's probably a better time for a doctor to figure out what 's wrong . " He looked at me , the concern evident in his eyes . " I wanted to be sure you knew that Ruby and I were out so no one will be watching Daisy or Joey for a bit . " I yawned again . My brain just wasn 't ready to function at whatever time this was . " Are you sure ? " Just then , Ruby started to cough . It was a steady hacking cough that sounded far too intense for her little body . " I see . Oh you poor baby , " I stroked Ruby 's head gently . " All right , Nick . I 'll be sure to check on Joey and Daisy while you 're gone . " " I won 't be sleeping much , now that I am awake . I 'll be worried about Ruby , " Ruby 's cough finally eased a bit and I stroked her head again . " And Nick ? " I looked him in the eyes . " Thank you . " " Penny , I was a complete and utter arsewipe for suddenly disappearing . But I never ever stopped caring about my family . " He sighed , " I freaked out because three little strangers at once was hard for me to cope with . After two years of getting switched between units all the time , three strangers is a piece of cake . " With that , he left . I looked at the clock , it was midnight . I had thought it later than that but I guess I had just been in a deep sleep . Bad timing but I can 't blame Nick for that . Poor Ruby was the cause and it wasn 't her fault either . I went into the toddlers room to wait . The rocking chair was actually quite comfortable , something I hadn 't realised . Both Joey and Daisy were quiet in their cribs . After an hour or so , I drifted off into a doze . I woke to the sound of a car just outside the house . Sure enough , the front door soon opened . I quickly got up and moved to the main room , shutting the door so the toddlers would stay asleep . " So ? " His face was haggard , " I 'd forgotten how awful waiting in the hospital was . If it 's not critical , you have to just sit forever . " He blinked as he realised that I 'd asked a question . " The doctor thinks that Ruby might be asthmatic . There are a couple of tests they can do when she 's older but he used some asthma medication on her and her breathing settled down in a few minutes . " " The doctor thinks Ruby has a mild case and there 's a chance she 'll outgrow it eventually . Even if she doesn 't , she 'll live a pretty normal life . She 'll just need to be aware of it and have an inhaler around just in case . " He kissed the top of her head . " Given her reaction to the medication , I think it 's the right diagnosis . " Nick suddenly yawned . " Penny , I 'm sorry but I have to put Ruby to bed and try to get a little more sleep . I 'm going to be so useless tomorrow . " I nodded . It wasn 't long before he was due to get up and get ready for work . " All right . Night night , Ruby , " I kissed her on the forehead . " Night , Nick , " I kissed his cheek . His eyes grew wide , it was the first time I 'd touched him since hitting him the day he got home . " Thank you for taking Ruby to the hospital . " He blushed , nodded shyly and then left for the toddler 's room . I watched his retreat , thoughtful . Perhaps I could go back to China and resume the martial arts tournaments . Perhaps I could trust Nick . Family wise , Sam and Rachel had 5 children . Indiana and Judy had 4 children . Now I was going to let Phillip stop at 3 but number 3 turned out to be the twins Veronica and Penelope . So now the family heir is cursed to forever have 4 children - which means Penny and Nick are done having babies . " Gentlemen , are we agreed ? " I asked as I looked over my co - conspirators . I 'd just spent the last couple of minutes sketching out my plans . I smiled as the other three nodded . It seemed likely that my cousin Penny would want to travel soon , now that she had possession of the axe of Pangu . But her husband , Nick , could be a problem . I decided to ask Penny 's older brothers , Vincent and Stephen and my little brother Elmer to meet and have a serious chat about Nicholas Grant . " Oh no , " I told Vincent with an evil smile . " I 'm going to put the fear of me into him . " I looked across the table at my brother , " You think you can handle your part ? " " Yeah , Jerod . It shouldn 't be hard to get him in the car . Catch him 5 minutes before the end of the day and give him something to do that will take at least 10 minutes and they 'll have left . He should be willing to get a lift from me , " replied Elmer . " I guess I could even make it an order . Since we 'll be off duty , he doesn 't really have to accept orders though . " " There are four of us . I think that should be enough to control Nick , if he should put up a fight . It also should be enough to get the point across that Penny 's family will not let her get hurt again without serious consequences for him . " I stood up . " Tomorrow at three then ? " " I kinda hope that Abbey doesn 't find out about this . " Stephen said with a serious look . " I 'm not sure how my wife would like me taking part in threatening her brother . " " I would think that Abbey would be all right with it , Stephen . You and Abbey did help with the triplets when Penny couldn 't cope , yes ? " By the accounts I 'd heard , Penny collapsed and might have died if not for the family . The sudden disappearance of Nick soon after the birth of triplets just completely undid her . The next afternoon , I was waiting in the car for Elmer and Nick to emerge from work . I 'd timed my arrival for a few minutes past 3 , just after most of the soldiers has left the base . I heard Elmer speaking as they approached , " I 'm sorry , I must have kept you too long . I think your ride left . We can give you a lift , if you like . " I saw Nick look around . " Yes , sir . Looks like I do need a lift . It won 't take long , my place isn 't far from here . " I nearly laughed hearing Elmer being called ' Sir ' . I never see the military side of Elmer 's life . I waited until I 'd heard both doors shut then locked the car . I 'd already taken the precaution of setting the child lock on every door but mine . Now that Nick was in , he wasn 't getting out until someone let him out . It was only a minute later when I turned toward town instead of the road leading to Nick 's home . It wasn 't long before he noticed . " Wait ! It 's quicker to drop me off first and you 've missed the turn . This is the wrong way . " " No one said you had a choice . We are going to the pub , " I told my reluctant passenger . I heard Nick pull at the door handle when we stopped at a stop sign . " Don 't bother , it 's locked . " " Who do you people think you are ? " Nick demanded . He looked closely at me . " You 're not in the service . But you do look familiar . " I shrugged and just let him stew over the question . We were already close to our destination and he 'd have his answers soon enough . " We 're here , " I declared as I pulled into one of the parking spots . " Inside . Now , " was the terse reply . " You 'll find out what 's going on in the pub . Are you going to walk or do we drag you ? " Nick stalked into the pub then spun around to look at us . By this time , he was royally pissed . I heard Stephen locking the door of the pub behind us . " What 's going on ? What the hell are you doing ? " he demanded . " Who the hell are you ? What gives you the right to bring me here ? " " I am Jerod Grant and that is my little brother Elmer . We are a very small sample of Penny 's cousins around town . I believe that you know Penny 's brothers ? " " I mentioned to them that I wanted to talk to you . Stephen volunteered using his pub as a meeting place . Elmer volunteered to arrange your normal car to leave without you . " I stepped closer and Nick took a step backward . " So I could warn you - this one time . If you should ever hurt Penny again or if she ever has cause to complain about you , you had fucking well better leave town and never come back . " Nick hung his head . " I didn 't really plan to do it in the first place . I got drunk . I wasn 't thinking straight . " Vincent growled , " We don 't care if you planned it or not . We care about our Penny . So will you be running off again ? Will we have to pick up the pieces left of my little sister again ? " " No ! I swear . Please believe me , I regretted leaving . But they wouldn 't transfer me home . " He looked at each of us in turn . " I know , you probably don 't believe that . But why threaten me now ? " " I have reason to believe that Penny wants to travel . And if she does , I want to be fucking sure that her home and family are well cared for , " I replied . " That 's why now is a good time to have this little chat . " " Penny might travel ? She hasn 't said anything to me yet , " Nick said . " Then again , she still doesn 't talk to me except about the kids . " " She 'd have a hard time making up her mind to go , if she thinks you might desert the family again while she 's gone , " said Elmer . " The fact that you deserted your family makes me sick . I 'd love to find a reason to get you thrown out of the service for good . " " Easy , little bro . Four kids are a lot of mouths to feed , " I said . " He needs a job to pay the bills . It 's all right as long as he doesn 't use the service as a way to escape again . " I looked at Elmer , " We don 't want to destroy the family by losing them their home . " Elmer gave me a small nod . " Oh , you are so wrong . The couple I asked wanted to be here . But they also wanted knives and some time with your genitals , " I said . " A very blood thirsty lot , the women in the Grant clan . " I paused and stepped closer . " It was tempting to give you to them and see how it goes . " I took a deep breath . " In fact , if you do totally fuck up again , I 'll not only give you to the women , I 'll make sure they have a huge array of sharp pointy things to choose from . And when they finish , I will kill you . " I spoke with deliberate emphasis . " Make no mistake . I would . I swear , you dare hurt my cousin again and when I catch you , you are a dead man . " " For the moment , you are safe . Penny has chosen to take you back . I will respect her decision . I seriously don 't understand it though . " " I do , " replied Nick . " Our oldest , Buddy . He listens to me . He was being a bully at school and uncooperative at home . Now that I 'm back , he 's much better . " " I swear to you I won 't let Penny down . I won 't let our kids down . If I fail , I 'll bring the knives for you to use myself . " I nodded . " Then let 's get you home , Nicholas Grant . Elmer rang your house to let Penny know you 'd been delayed . " We set off . Would Nick be true to his words ? Only time would tell , but we could all encourage Penny to take her long overdue holiday . Nice of Emerald to be worried that I might needed help making Nick leave . That phone call brought home to me that there was no one in our family in Nick 's corner . His parents , especially his mother , and sibs were taking my side just as much as mine own were . That wasn 't quite true . Buddy seemed to be firmly on Nick 's side . He was chattering to Nick after so long of barely talking at home at all . Much as it pained me to see Buddy giving Nick getting so much attention when I 'd had so little ; I was happy to see Buddy opening up to someone . And I have to give Nick some credit . Since getting home , he 's been very attentive to the toddlers . Potty training , trying to teach them to talk . He has two years of getting to know them to make up and he seems determined to make it up in a couple of months . He never tries to initiate a conversation with me . Wise , waiting for me to decide to start a conversation . At the moment , there 's not much more to say than I did when he first came home . Which I think he did hear quite a bit about that first night . It was 2 in the morning when I woke up thinking about the toddlers . Since I was awake , I decided that I might as well get up and check that all was fine . Usually at 2 , one of them wanted food or a cuddle or something . He nodded . " Easiest way for me to know if any of the toddlers needs attention . You did tell me that I 'm supposed to watch over the toddlers past 10 . You really can go back to bed , I have this . " The next day , Nick quietly left for work with the triplets deeply asleep . Buddy ate his breakfast and then gathered his stuff for school . I heard a car pull up outside and wandered outside for a look . To my surprise , it was my cousin , Jerod . I hadn 't seen Jerod in ages . Then again , I don 't go to Stephen 's bar while I hear he does all the time . " Hi , Penny . I don 't know if you 've met my little sister Rocio ? She 's Elmer 's twin . " Rocio smiled at me . " Nice to meet you . I can 't stay long but after Jerod told me that you were the most appropriate person for the thing we found , I really wanted to come and talk to you . " " It 's something special for an explorer . Jerod says you have the itchy feet of the family and we found this thing in storage box way in the back of a room that no one uses . " My curiosity was building . What was this mysterious thing that they found ? " We were digging around , cleaning out some old stuff in the family home , and we found this axe . As far as I can tell , it 's the Axe of Pangu which was found by our great grandfather . Rocio doesn 't travel , and the damn thing creeps me out no end . " Jerod smiled at me . " That 's when I remembered that Uncle Phillip said you love to travel . So Rocio and I decided you should have the family heirloom . " I took the axe from Jerod and I could swear that it spoke to me . It told me that it was ready to destroy any obstacles in our path . I can see why it gave Jerod the creeps . He laughed . " I guess I 'll have to live without it . I wasn 't planning on murdering anyone in the near future . Unless you have a special request ? " He gave me a sort of serious look with one eyebrow arched . " If you are asking what I think you are , then thank you but no . Besides , I think you 'd have to take a number . I do have two older brothers , you know . " " True , but they don 't have a reputation in the family . " He cocked his head for a moment . " Guess I don 't have a reputation either , now . " He gave me another grin . " But if you want me to do something , just send word . " " It sounds like you are in the family gossip loop . With the triplets , I 'm really don 't hear much . Anything new in your life ? " " My oldest married last week . It didn 't take him long at all to settle well to domestic life and his new spouse . I guess that means grandchildren on the horizon . The idea of a grandchild though , that 's utterly terrifying . " He nodded . " That part sounds good , but I don 't feel like I should be a granddad yet . And the youngest will probably be leaving the nest soon . Elsa and I aren 't looking forward to that . You won 't like it when that happens to you . " Jerod and Rocio 's visit had given me something to really consider . The plane tickets that Nick gave me were sitting on my side table in the bedroom . I hadn 't given them much thought since Nick handed me the envelope . Well , no , I certainly can 't trust Nick alone with my toddlers . Not yet . But I did have backup . If I asked , my family would check on things . And it would be my first time away from home since before I was pregnant . It 's been a long time . Who should I ask ? Veronica was out , her job was too much . My parents would try but I hate to put them to too much bother at their age . Vincent ? Stephen ? Just trust Jake ? It is true that their great granddad Sam earned that Axe of Pangu when he was alive . He only got to use it a few times before it disappeared from the inventory . I wanted Penny to have it but it might not have respawned in the temple . Since Rocio does live in the house where Sam and Rachel raised their tribe of 5 , she and Jerod may well have found it and that 's my story . : D " Ms Hill , " I paused while I tried to think of an appropriate pleasantry as my mind raced through a dozen possibilities of why Buddy 's teacher would call . Was he sick or injured ? Had he forgotten a school project ? " I 'm pleased to finally talk to you . " " You won 't be soon . Look , can you come by after school today ? We need to talk . Sooner will be better , Mrs Grant . Can you and Buddy 's father make it ? " " I 'll try , Ms Hill , but I can 't make any promises . I have triplets and it 's not often that I can get away . And Buddy 's father is overseas . He 's not due back yet . " I ended the call . Obviously Buddy wasn 't sick , but what else would his teacher want to talk about ? And I realised that Nick was due back relatively soon now . When he 'd left , the babies weren 't that old . It was only about a month or so before his tour of duty was over . " Of course , ma ' am . That should be the toddlers nap time . If they don 't sleep , they do have plenty of toys to amuse themselves with . " Jake nodded reassuringly at me . " We will all be fine . " So I left home just before 3 and headed for the school . It took me a little while to find someone who could tell me where Ms Hill might be . I found her and Buddy in the library . " A bully ? " I looked at Buddy but he was staring at his hands and refused to look at me . " I know he doesn 't like school but . . . " " We knew that someone was bullying some of our other students . Sometimes one of the girls would be crying after recess . We 've been notified by parents that their children was giving away lunch money . Finally though , we caught it on a surveillance camera . " She motioned toward the small tv in the corner and started a tape playing . It took a few minutes to get to the critical scene . But I couldn 't deny that it was Buddy , first shouting at one little girl until she burst into tears and then shaking a boy until he was handed something . A few minutes later , he went over to the sand box and the two children in it scrambled to get out before he arrived . Buddy was frowning deeply . But I couldn 't deny that the other children weren 't safe around him . " All right , that makes sense to me . " What was I going to do with him ? " Thank you , Kayla . I appreciate you letting me know . I 'll talk to Buddy , and see if I can get him to listen . " I stood up and reached for Buddy 's hand . " If you insist , Buddy . It 's time to go . " I was relieved to see that he also stood up and grabbed his books . We left the building and Buddy hurried ahead . I assume so he wouldn 't be seen with me . Buddy slumped in the seat of the cab still grumbling . Fortunately , it was only a few minutes before we had arrived . I rang the doorbell first and while waiting for someone to open the door , rang up Brad to ask if he could come over . Dad was the one who answered the door . " Penny ? What 's up ? " He looked around to see if I 'd managed to bring the triplets as well as Buddy . " Buddy , why don 't you go find something to play with ? " I knew that Mum and Dad had never changed our room much so there were plenty of toys in the house . Buddy let out a loud sigh then wandered into the house . " Dad , it 's about Buddy . " I noticed that my father - in - law was on his way so I waited for him to arrive . " I just found out that Buddy 's bullying some kids at school and he 's not talking to me about it . I was hoping that maybe he 'd talk to one of you . " I gave my dad a brief hug . " I know Dad , but maybe he will talk to one of his granddads when he just won 't talk to his mother . His teacher suggested a counsellor but I don 't know if that 's going to work . " " You have a chat with your mother while we see if Buddy responds to us , " Dad said . He and Brad walked back toward what was our bedroom when Veronica and I lived at home . Mum was at the computer but she was willing to have a chat instead of working on another novel . Some time later , Dad and Brad came back . " Sorry Penny but your son is stubborn . We tried but I don 't think we made the slightest impression on him . " Unfortunately , weeks of counselling provided by the school also did nothing to change Buddy 's behaviour . If he thought he could get away with it , he still bullied the other kids . The school started sending me suggestions about sending Buddy to a boarding school . Probably more to get him out of their school than to change his ways . I put several packages on the table before I finally saw who was behind them . " Nick ? " He nodded and carefully put down the last of the packages . All the feelings of anger , frustration , loneliness , and depression I 'd had in the past two years suddenly came gushing back . I started yelling at Nick for leaving us with no warning . There was definitely quite a lot of cussing and name calling involved . I vaguely remember shaking him at one point and slapping him at another . Nick never once moved . He didn 't flinch , he didn 't retaliate , he just stood there while I released two years of pent anger and frustration . It wasn 't until I 'd nearly worn myself out that I realised Nick had been quietly talking the whole time . He was repeating , " Penny , I 'm sorry . I 'm so sorry , " over and over again . " Before I explain , I want you to know that I 've been trying to come home . I 've asked each of my commanding officers if I could have leave or get reassigned here . They pretty much stop seeing me after the first couple of weeks . But I did try . " He took a deep breath . " Remember what it was like just before I left ? Neither of us had enough sleep , and we were both tired and stressed out ? " " I 'm sorry . Truly . That first day back at work , a couple of guys and I shared a few brews . The booze went straight to my head and so when I saw a sign asking for a few people to transfer to a unit that was due to be posted overseas , I signed up . It seemed like a great idea , there was a pay increase and overseas bonus . Plus I wouldn 't have to cope with three little strangers . " I noticed that he started to reach for my hand but stopped himself . " It was about 3 days after we arrived when I finally got over the jet lag and it dawned on me what I 'd done . How I 'd just left my wife , my family with no warning at all . After that , I turned on my phone to find I had about a dozen very angry text messages from my mother . " He looked at me but I just shook my head . I wasn 't sure what to say . " That 's when I wrote the first letter . I was told that you didn 't open any of my letters but I still wrote every week . They all start exactly the same way . ' Penny , I love you . I hope that you 'll forgive me some day . ' I know I haven 't the right to ask that yet . But I hope very much that you 'll let me earn that right . " He motioned toward the packages strewn over the table . " Those are the gifts for the kids . I bought you something as well . " He pulled a long white envelope out of a pocket . " I asked your dad what would be the best thing I could give you . " " It took me about 6 months of sending him grovelling messages before he finally responded . I thought he 'd block my number or change his before he 'd answer me . Eventually though , he gave in and told me that the best gift I could possibly give you was this . " He handed me the envelope . I opened it and found plane tickets to China . " The dates are completely flexible . " Nick said softly as I stared . " You can fly over when you want and return when you are ready . " " I 'll look after everything here . " I started to shake my head again . " Look , Penny , I know that you don 't trust me . But we both know that everyone in our families would be watching . I wouldn 't dare fail . " " Nick , even then , how can I believe anything you say ? " I stared at those lovely tickets in my hand . The thought of going back to China and resuming my martial arts training was so attractive . But I would never risk the triplets . " All I ask for is a chance , Penny , " he pleaded . " Could I go see the babies at least ? My mother frequently sent me messages about them but she refused to send even a small blurry picture . " " Yes , Nick , " I said reluctantly . " You can see the babies . You are their father after all . " He headed toward their room before I 'd even finished the sentence . " Wait , they are out the back in the swings . " I followed along after he changed direction . " Emerald didn 't say she was writing you . " Nick picked up Joey and started to cuddle him . " I left home because of these adorable little ones . God , they 've grown so much . While overseas , I would just be getting used to the unit I was attached to when I 'd get reassigned . It happened every couple of months , toward the end of the month , I 'd get papers assigning me somewhere else . Which meant every couple of months , I had a new group of people to deal with and a new CO to boot . And it 's always the tradition that the newer soldiers in the unit get the worst jobs . I 've peeled mountains of spuds and mopped hundreds of floors . " He put Joey back in the swing and moved on to Daisy . " I 'm pretty sure it was my mother pulling in some favours . No one else was getting transferred every two or three months . " I heard the school bus in the distance which reminded me about Buddy . I was at wits end about how to handle Buddy . He simply didn 't listen to me at all . " Nick , I 'll let you stay here with a few conditions . " His attention went from Joey to me . " Really ? I thought I 'd have to take Dad up on his offer of sleeping in a dog house . I thought he was joking until I heard Mum comment that it would contaminate the dog house if I slept there . " Em was so outspoken that it could be harsh sometimes . " Buddy has taken to bullying kids at school . I 've talked to him . Both our fathers have talked to him . He sees a counsellor at school twice a week . None of it is making any difference . He won 't really talk about it and he won 't stop doing it . " I pointed at Nick . " For you to stay , you have to agree to work with Buddy and take care of the triplets if they need any attention from 10 at night to 6 in the morning . " " I don 't know what we will do about you sleeping here . You are certainly not welcome in my bed . Buddy and the butler have the only other beds … " We could hear the stomping and the grumbles as Buddy approached . Nick put Daisy back in the swing and turned to wait for Buddy . The door was shoved open . I decided that for the moment , I 'd leave the two of them together . I quietly left the room . I didn 't love Nick . I didn 't trust Nick . But if he could do something about Buddy , I 'd let him stay . Wow , already Stephen 's birthday . I know why Dad always grumbled about time , it just flies away . I wish the boys could have met their gr . . . That 's Corey , the gnome I bought at the consignment store . But how did he get here ? I left him by the mailbox . I 'm sure I left him b . . . |
This past week was very stressful . I was averaging less than 5 hours of sleep a night and all of the other hours of the day were consumed with class , studying , and projects . It was madness . And next week is finals ! So my stress level is through the roof right now . When I finally made it out of my last class , the sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the sky . A perfect start to the weekend . And what did I want to do ? Pick up my phone to call my soldier and tell him how glad I was that this ridiculous weekend was over . But I couldn 't . You would think that by now I would remember not to try to call him . I guess I will never fully accept that he isn 't here . I will always want to call him and be around him and tell him all about my day right when I want to . But I can 't . Just make it to the car I kept telling myself . Just one more block . Just make it there . The stress of this week and the lack of sleep hit me like a wave rolling over my body . All I wanted was sleep . All I wanted was my solier . I knew I couldn 't make it . I kept walking as fast as I could . My hands grabbed my keys from my pocket and fumbled them around . I reached the crosswalk where my car waited for me on the other side of the road . The light wouldn 't let me cross . I just wanted to go home and get back in bed . When I finally got to my car , it happened . I reached out and touched the door handle as the tears pooled out from my eyes . And when I turned on the car and a sappy " I miss you " song came on the radio , I lost it . But I composed myself before I walked in my front door . Sometimes all we need is that little moment to ourselves to let out our weaknesses . And then I turned on the news and saw the devistation the tornados caused the next state over . And just two hours up the road people were hit , too . It is hard to remember other people have it a lot worse than we do . Yes , I am going through something terrible and facing it as brave as I can every day . But there are people going through a nightmare just down the street . It is hard to forget how lucky we can be . I know , at least for now , that my soldier is safe . I am safe . My friends are safe . I have a home to go back to . My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by the horrific storms . Thankfully I had the Royal Wedding to look forward to . I woke up at 5 a . m . and made muffins with my roommate ( from the bag . . . . don 't worry , I 'm not that crazy ) . Then we put all of our pillows and blankets on the floor and seven of us piled on top of the floor and got ready to watch it . The wedding was beautiful . And her dress ? Don 't even get me started . All of the girls were saying how their boyfriends thought they were stupid for geting up so early and watching a wedding of people we didn 't even know . Little did they know , I got a message from my soldier saying , " Good royal morning , baby " and it made my day . I am so blessed to have someone who understands me so well . I hope everyone else is happy and safe . Keep the tornado victims in your prayers as well as our service members . They all need our love and support right now . I can 't wait for my soldier to be safe in my arms again . This week , and the one following , is going to be just dreadful . Finals start next week , and most of my professors assigned tests for this week . How does that ? So this week , my life will be consumed with tests , papers , and projects galore . It will be good to be so busy and not have to think about too much of other things , but I still could use a break . I guess I can sleep after next week , right before summer classes start . Yes , it will be a very busy summer indeed . I just keep reminding myself to push through and it will all ( hopefully ) be worth it in the long run . I got a text from one of my very best friends yesterday . I have made something for you and I hope you will love it . I was hoping it would be a brownie or cupcake since I really wasn 't expecting anything . But what I got was so much better ! She walked in my apartment and handed me a painted canvas . When I looked down , I saw a picture of me and my soldier . It was one of my very favorites . It is us kissing in the snow , while snowflakes are still falling around us . Next to the picture , she painted the words There 's no greater love than the one between a soldier & the girl he is fighting for . It took my breath away . It was so simply put and so beautiful . I know it will be something I will treasure for a long time . I can 't wait to hang it up and look at it every day . Last night , my soldier went to bed before I really had a chance to talk to him and tell him about the picture . However , I got an email from him this morning telling me to check the mail for a package . So after my class , I went to my apartment complex 's office and picked up my package . I had no clue what it could be . I hadn 't asked for anything . I hadn 't even given any hints to wanting anything . He did it all on his own and it made it that much better . When I opened the box , I could not help but bust out laughing . I really wish he could 've been there to see my face . I looked down to find a new pair of hiking shoes ; grey , pink , and brown of course . I guess this is a not - so - subtle hint that he wants us to go hiking together . But that is okay with me , because at least it means that he is making plans for us ; plans for us to do things together again soon . Just like a real couple . These shoes are the same brand of shoes he is wearing today . When I think about that , and how simple it is , it makes me very happy . I am hoping that when I wear them in the coming weeks to break them in , I will feel closer to him . I can 't wait to see what kinds of adventures they take me on this summer . For once , I am actually excited about going on extra long walks . It will be even better when he can be here to walk with me . These two random surprises meant so much to me . They both showed the love for me and my soldier , and they both will help give me a good outlook on this week . This love I have for my soldier is greater than I have ever known . The love and kindness he shows me still amazes me . And whether it is a picture or a simple pair of shoes , small tokens of this love reminds me why I am lucky to have him . And I am so lucky , every single day . I am so excited about all of these things . I just hope it all works out in such a short time frame ! I am also still in the process of planning a trip with my soldier . . . but it hasn 't gone far . Life has been super crazy and I can 't wait to see where it takes us next ! During the service this morning , the preacher spoke about freedom . He talked about previous wars fought such as the civil war . He told of the love and compassion each soldier , from then until today , has shown while fighting for this freedom . It was a passion each soldier held that led us to a freedom we often take advantage of . When the preacher started talking about this , my oldest brother reached out and put his arm around me . It was the touch that I needed . It was the reassurance that everything is going to be okay . He brought comfort to me when I really needed it and it meant so much to me . Whether he did it due to the subject matter of the lesson or just because he felt like it , it still was the kind touch I needed . The soldiers out there are fighting for our freedom . My boyfriend is fighting for our freedom . The freedom to go to church today and to hear a message from a preacher . The freedom to sit here and tell you all about it . How magically wonderful is that ? I think we all , myself included , often forget what all they are fighting for . Freedom . Freedom for me , and freedom for you . Not everyone is able as lucky as we are . Not everyone can share the same experiences . We are able to do so much in our everyday lives . We can go to church . We can go to school . We can live where we want to . We can drive a car . We can speak to whom ever we want . How great is that ? How simple is that ? If anything , the power of our freedom should overwhelm us . We should want to thank every single person who has fought to give us our freedom , but I know this won 't happen . All I can do is be thankful for my freedom and do what I can to show my gratitude . If everyone can do their part by thanking every service member they can , this country will become more aware of how important these people are to our every day lives . In other news , today I felt my niece kick for the first time . We were on the couch and my sister - in - law put my hand on her tummy and I felt her kick / rollover / whatever four times ! It was perfect because she wouldn 't even do it for my brother ( the soon - to - be uncle , not the father ) . I told my soldier about it and I know he was jealous , but still excited for me . I know he wishes he could be here for all of the excitement . I just hope he will be home in time for her to be born . He sends me links all the time of baby clothing he is looking for to send my brother and sister - in - law . It is adorable how excited he is . It is a big step our family is going to take and I hope he will be here for it . He really wants to be here for her . He wants to be here for my family . . . and that makes me happy beyond words . This weekend , I am spending time with my brothers and their wives . I love having us all together . My brothers mean everything to me . They have been there every time I needed them . They are two of the best guys I 've ever met and I am so blessed to have them as my brothers . But while we were all out tonight , something was missing . Something felt off . We all were thinking of my soldier . We all were missing him . He completes me and my family and I can 't wait to have him back here with us . I can 't wait for things to feel whole again . He sent me an email earlier . It was a picture of him . Apparently he got a hair cut - - shortest I 've ever seen it ! There was hardly any left ! This was the first time I have seen a recent picture of him that wasn 't coming over a grainy computer screen . It was him , and it was wonderful . There are little reminders every day that are in my life as to how lucky I am . Some of my really good friends are going through hard times with their boyfriends . We all sat down and tried to talk everything out - to find answers in a confusing situation . They talked about how they didn 't know if they were going to last and talked about all their fears . It broke my heart to hear how unhappy that they can feel in their relationships . Granted , it isn 't every day that they feel this way , but it is still enough to bring it up to the closest of friends . They looked at me and told me how lucky I was . How they were jealous of the relationship my soldier and I share . I was so torn ; I wanted to tell them that everything wasn 't as it seems and that their relationship is probably couldn 't be as bad as they were saying . But as they sat there talking about every little thing that gets under their skin , I realized I didn 't have any story to contribute . I didn 't have anything to complain about . I didn 't have a story to share of how he treated me bad . And this made me so happy for myself , but so sad that my friends didn 't have the same feelings I did about my relationship . Now , I am not naive , I know things aren 't all sunshine and roses . My soldier and I have disagreements and things we have to compromise on , but we still have so much overflowing love and respect for one another . He really is my best friend and I am so lucky to have him in my life . No matter what . We can now keep track of people hundreds , even thousands of miles away . I have been so blessed to be able to hear from my soldier on a semi regular basis . We can send emails , instant message each other , and he can call me whenever he gets a chance . I often get to hear his voice and his sweet laugh . I don 't even mind the little delay on the phone . Sometimes I can wake up to see his kind and loving words on my computer screen . Thanks to technology , our relationship had continued to to grow . Our love has remained strong . We have learned to communicate even better . We have learned who we are as individuals and as a couple . We have seen what life is like apart , and we have decided we do not like it . But in addition to keeping my relationship strong with my soldier , it has given me a great opportunity to build friendships with people I otherwise would have no chance to . These friends have lifted me up in a way I have never felt before and I am so lucky to have them in my life . I have been able to keep up with other blogs of people in a position much like mine , and I know they are a big reason why I can breathe a little easier . These women help me to know that I am not alone . It is really cool to see similarties between me and these complete strangers ! If you don 't follow many other blogs , I suggest you seek them out . And if you do follow more blogs ( or if you keep up with my blog but aren 't an official follower ) leave me a comment and let me know of these blogs ! I am always looking for more . I was introduced to a particular blog a few months ago by a good friend of mine ( I 'll talk about her next ! ) . I have read her posts about her husband and her children and I feel like I am peeking in on her life and almost get to know her personality and her family . The writer from To Love A Soldier opens her heart to all of her readers and her posts are both comical and soothing . We have posted comments on each other 's blogs a few times and she has always been very encouraging . Tonight , as I was out walking some nature trails with two of my girlfriends , I got a message on my phone . It was from her ! She was online and saw I was logged on my email from my phone . She said she just wanted to check in on me and see how I was doing . How sweet was that ? I was really happy to hear from her . I have a dear friend who is a fellow Army girlfriend ( well - - technically she is a fiance now ! ) . I have written about her a few times on here before . Although she lives in Texas and I am still over here in Georgia , we have developed a great friendship . I wouldn 't be able to make it through some days without her guiding me along . She always knows the right thing to say to lift me up . Our friendship started a few months ago after our ( then ) boyfriends introduced us to each other one weekend . We then began to communicate via facebook and then exchanged numbers . At first , we would only talk when we had a question or comment about our Army men . Then over time we began to learn about one another and now I consider her a very cloIn this crazy life we lead , we need people to support us . I have found an amazing group of girls who I would otherwise not ever know . We need each other . We may not have our significant others with us to talk to every day , but we always have each other . We understand what the other is going through and we can offer support based on our past experiences . In the end , that 's all we really need : someone to show us the love we need , whether it is our friends or complete strangers we have not met and might not ever meet . How lucky am I to have these people in my life ? We all have a special bond between us that can never be taken away . We lose the ones we love for an extended amount of time , but we gain strong friendships with people we would otherwise not know . And that just might be our little blessing in disguise . I miss my soldier a lot right now . It is really starting to bug me . We got to talk a little last night , but when he tried to call me , the phone cut off - - twice . At first he tried to ( jokingly ) blame me since I was traveling from home back to school and most of the time the service isn 't the best . But once he thought about it , he knew that there was no way it was my fault . . . for once . Then he left to get some food and said he would call me in about half an hour when he knew I wouldn 't be driving and it would be easier to talk to him , and I have not heard from him since . I think it is probably harder tonight because I have been waiting to hear from him since 9 last night . I should know better to get my hopes up . I got a call in the middle of the night . Is it him ? No . A friend of mine wanted to call and chat ( at one in the morning ? that 's a different story . . . ) I heard my text message sound at 3 : 30 am . I know that has to be him . Wrong again . Just someone else trying to talk to me . And every time my phone has gone off today , I have had the slightest hope that it would be him , but I just haven 't been that lucky yet . We usually get to talk on Sundays so it is really bumming me out that I haven 't heard from him . I feel like I have so much to talk to him . All boring and not important things , but still things that I have kept in mind to be able to tell him . I want him here to go to church , go to lunch , and sit around with me . I just want to hold his hand . I want to go to bed again and not have to worry about where he is . I want to know where he is everyday and I want to know that he is safe . I miss him . I 'm glad my roommates are here with me . We all went to lunch , watched wedding shows , and Space Jam ( that 's right . . . that 90 's movie with Looney Toons and Michael Jordan . not as good as we remembered though . . . ) and are currently cooking steak for dinner . Not too shabby for a Sunday . So at least I have that going . His family and my parents have been asking for his address . I feel like the go between . It is hard to be constantly reminded he is so far away . His address seems so distant . I want his address to be closer to mine . I want to share the same area code at least . I don 't want him to be so far away anymore . All I can hope for right now is a phone call tonight . Keeping my fingers crossed . Today I found out a friend of my soldier came home . . . a lot earlier than my soldier . I know they weren 't in the same place or part if the same group so it shouldn 't effect me , but it still hurts . I 'm jealous . There . I said it . I am very jealous . Don 't get me wrong , I am thrilled he is home and safe again , but I wish my soldier was home too . And it isn 't days earlier we are talking about . It is a significant anmount of time . Why can 't my soldier be home too ? Why can 't he call me from his own cellphone again ? It doesn 't make things easier . Thinking about our friend coming home today just made it worse . I had to face the fact that he is still there , although some of his friends are coming home . My soldier is still out there . My soldier is still facing danger . I had to come to grips with the fact that it isn 't as soon as I would hope for that he would be back in my arms . Another girl has her boyfriend home and although I am very happy for her , I wish my solider was back with me . I tried to hang out with his younger sister and older brother tonight but it just didn 't work out . I try so hard to keep in contact with his family - to let them know that they aren 't the only ones going through this and give them some information when they don 't hear from him for a few weeks because he has made the choice to call me . I try to give them support , but that support isn 't always returned . I guess they are used to him being gone between schools and training and all the other times he has to leave . It just comes with the job . But I want them to help me feel better . The only other support system I have who understands lives 4 states and 15 hours away . I wish they would help me feel better . His mom is great , the other ones are just busy living their own lives that I 'm not really part of . And that is fine . We aren 't married , they aren 't my family , but I still wish I could talk to them a little more . I can 't decide if I will tell him about this tonight . . . . I don 't want to stress him out more . I guess we will see . Last night , as got ready for bed , I thought about my soldier . But I didn 't think of all of the wonderful things we are going to do when we are reunited , I thought about all the great memories we have already made together . We have come so far in the short time we have been together . So many fabulous memories that will last a long time . I remember when he decided to come up with me to move me into my new apartment . We had been on maybe two or three dates at this point , but neither one of us were ready to say goodbye . He was such a good sport and helped me move things all around , and hang up pictures , and go back and forth to the store , and do everything I could 've asked for . After that weekend , the first time we spent an extended amount of time together ( minus the time he spent sleeping at a friend 's place ) , I knew he was the one for me . We connected so well . He treated me like a princess . I remember the first time I visited him . He was so excited . He took me around town to show me everything . He called his friends and banged on the doors of people he knew were in town to show me off . The first time I met the two of his friends I am closest with , I was drenched from the rain and had his huge sweatshirt that swallowed me . Not my best outfit , but he didn 't care . I remember when we went to visit our parents for the weekend and he told me he had a surprise date for me . My mom and I went all around town to find a dress and shoes since I was unprepared to actually go out to a nice dinner . When he showed up at my house , I couldn 't keep my eyes off of him . I still remember his outfit : khaki pants , a yellow button down , a pink tie , and a navy blazer . He looked so handsome . He took me to a very nice place for dinner , where I had been wanting to go since it had opened , and then out to see a MoTown band . And we danced the night away . He made me feel like I was the only girl around for miles . I remember when we ordered Chinese food at his place one night . We didn 't feel like going out that night . We wanted to stay in and just spend time together . Once the Chinese food was delivered , we realized there wasn 't a table to put everything on . So I sat on the bed , he put his bedside table in front of me , and he sat in a dinky beach chair he had in his closet . We sat there across from each other , turned off the T . V . and just enjoyed our time together . It was so romantic . We don 't have to always go out to have a good time . If we are together , we are going to have a good time . There are so many other detailed filled memories I could share here . All of our dates , and walks together , and all the times we laughed at one another . I can 't wait for him to be with me again . I can 't wait to make more memories that will last a lifetime . But right now , I am happy with the times we have shared . Thinking about all of the things we have done together makes me so excited to see where time takes us . I 'm so ready to have my best friend back with me . I am counting down the days . I know I haven 't posted anything in a while , and my last post didn 't end on a good note , but things have been super busy . I just wanted to let my readers know that everything is doing fine . We are all doing fine . I 've still been on edge and it worries me a little more when the phone doesn 't ring when I expect it to . I still lay there at night wondering where he is , but when I do get to communicate with him , everything is fine . I always thought I would breathe better towards the end , but it seems as though I find myself holding my breath more and more . It is almost like I am on the edge of my seat when I don 't hear from him . I worry about him more since we are so close to our goal . I just want to be in his arms again and I am so afraid that will be taken away from me . But when I do actually get to hear from him , it is wonderful . The phones haven 't been working so it has been awhile since I have heard his voice , but last night I got an email from him with one line and it was all I ever needed to hear . I love you . So simple , yet something so cherrished . I love that man and I can 't wait to have him here with me . I 'm ready for my life to seem normal again . I 'm ready for a routine that makes sense . I 'm so ready . I spent this weekend with some distant family members and they all asked about him and how we were doing . We are doing better than I could imagine - I am doing better than I imagined . I have still remained happy through all of this . . . somehow . It is his love for me that drives me forward . He is my rock that I lean on when I am having a bad day . I may not hear from him all the time , but his comfort and his strength is still felt during his absence . He may be miles away from me , but he is never far from my heart . My thoughts and my prayers are constantly filled with his face , his voice , his spirit . I know once we see one another , it will be like no time has passed . He is all I need to feel complete . With him , I know I can make it through anything . Tonight he called way earlier than I usually hear from him . It was great ! For once , I wasn 't practically falling asleep on the phone while talking . I fell asleep on him last night and I felt bad for that so I was hoping to make up for it today . We got to talk about wonderful things . We talked about taking our vacation together . We thought of many ideas of places we could go and things we could see . We talked about me moving into my new apartment . We picked out some furniture together that hopefully will be used after college life and in a different town . We started making plans for things to do when he was back ; and it felt real . Simply perfect . When we were on the phone , he told me to hold for a second . He held the phone away from him and I heard muffled voices . " Honey , I gotta go . I will try to call you later . I love you . Bye . " And that was it . I 've never heard him get off the phone in such a hurry . It bothered me . I still feel on edge . I 'm sure it was completely innocent , but the manner he got off the phone made me feel uneasy . I sat there and looked at my phone for a while , hoping it would light back up with his phone call . Or I would get a message from him telling me things were okay . Maybe he was hungry and they told him the last slice of pizza was about to get eaten if he didn 't hurry up . Maybe his friends needed one more member on their pick - up soccer team . Maybe it was his turn to play a video game . Maybe , maybe . . . Now I am left alone , thinking of the thousands of possiblities of things he is doing tonight . I 'm jumping at every noise , hoping it is my phone ringing . I hate sitting around and thinking of every reason why he can 't talk to me . It may be another sleepless night I 've been having lately . Between staying up at all hours to study , getting woken up by storms , and woken up by terrifying dreams , it is a wonder I 'm not a zombie at this point . Is it really only Tuesday ? But I will wait to hear from him all night , even if that means falling asleep while holding my phone in my hands . It is all just a part of the waiting game . But I promised him , no matter what , that I would wait . And wait I will . He will come home to me . He will hold me again . He will . He will . . . The phone rang while I was in class . I didn 't know the number , but couldn 't answer it anyway . I let it go to voicemail . I figured it was a wrong number . I was confused when I saw they actually left a voicemail - no one really does that anymore it seems like unless it is something important . . . or my mother . I checked it while I walked back to my apartment . " This message is for Cate . I 'm from Jeanie 's Flowers . We left your package at the office of your apartment building . " My face could hardly contain my smile . My legs weren 't moving fast enough to keep walking the six blocks I still had left to go . I couldn 't believe it . He sent me flowers . I feel like I am still in shock . It is crazy how something so simple could mean so much to me . Any case of the " Mondays " I had went straight out the window . He woke up early to catch the flourist and make arrangements . He even figured out what time I would be in class and when I would be home today . The timing could not have been any better . How lucky am I that even when he is thousands of miles away , he still thinks of me . Still cares enough to show me how much he loves me . How lucky am I that I have an amazing man to call my own ? And very soon , he will be coming back to me . He makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world . With or without flowers . Today gave me the reassurance that I can do this . We can do this . We are beating this . As long as I have him to back me up and support me , I can do anything . It is the hope and the dream that he will be coming back to me that keeps me going . His love for me fuels my every move each day . I don 't want to know who I would be if I did not have him . In this short time , I have grown so much . I have learned so much about myself . I have learned my breaking points and what really is important to me . I love the person I have turned into . I am more secure and more sure about myself . I have become more trusting . I have grown to really love and appreciate the little things . This is what growing up means . This is what love means . My soldier has shown me how to really , deeply , and honestly put someone else before me . He has shown me the important things in life . He has shown me what it means to love someone , and have that love in return . It is an amazing feeling . These flowers were a small token of his affection . I will never forget them . Even his mother was stunned . She sure did raise a good guy ; I must give her props for that ! He has such a kind and tender heart and I am just beyond blessed to have him in my life . Even if I haven 't seen him in a number of days which is just way too much , when I do see him it will make it that much sweeter when we are reunited . I will put the vase of flowers next to my bed so they can brighten up my room and I can continue to smile about them . Although I can 't smell his skin when I sleep , I will be able to smell the scent of the flowers he sent . I can roll over and see them as the last thing I see before I go to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up . Hopefully they will bring me sweet dreams as their sweet smell dances around me as I sleep . Hopefully the dreams will soon become reality . I hate to admit it , but there are days that I have to force myself to get out of bed . It takes all the strength I can find to keep going . There are times where I want to just stay in my room and not think about anything . Today is one of those days . Some days it just knocks me off my feet . It hits me all over again that he isn 't here and I feel so alone . I retreat to my bedroom so my funk doesn 't rub off on anyone else . I feel as though my friends are tired of hearing about it . I can 't say I blame them - I 'm tired of talking about it ; I 'm tired of dealing with it . It makes me feel good that my friends and family constantly ask about him . I 'm so glad he is accepted by all of them . If it wasn 't for my friends , I could not make it through this . We had the longest video chat we 've ever had this week . A total of 20 minutes . Although the quality was terrible and there was a delay every now and then , it was so good to see his face in real time . To see him laugh as I heard it . I don 't remember the last time we were able to have a video chat . It was almost unreal to see him . I had a long talk with his mom yesterday . She shared some stories with me I had never heard . She told me how much her son love and adored me . Hearing that from her was one of the best feelings . I could not stop smiling . It was a great gift she gave me . Since music is a big part of my life , I 've been listening to sappy songs all day . When that is mixed with hours of wedding shows has not helped me feel any better . Go figure . I guess today is just a " feel sorry for yourself " day . A mental health day ; we are all entitled to those every now and then , right ? Don 't get me wrong - in no way am I depressed . Quite the opposite . I am so happy with my life . I am so lucky . I am so lucky to have my friends and my family . I am so lucky to have my soldier . I am so lucky that he is safe . I am so lucky we have this love to share . I just wish he was here . I want to walk down at the river like we so often did . I would love to go on a picnic with him . I would love to snuggle up next to him and watch nonsense television . I miss him . I can 't say that enough . Out at a party last night , I overheard a conversation between some of my friends , one of which is in the Reserves . Of course when boys get together they want to seem macho and manly and talk about blood , guts , and gore . But some of the things they were saying were really bothering me . There are times where you have to pick your battles , and I just had to walk away . People 's ignorance astounds me . They don 't often take in consideration other people 's feelings and emotions . They say things just to get a rise out of others . It drives me insane . As time goes by , days seem to drag on . Sometimes I wonder if he will ever be back with me . Sometimes missing him is too hard to take . There are days where I just need to stay in my pajamas , order take out , and watch movies all day . Today is one of those days . But tomorrow will be a new day . Tomorrow will be a new opportunity to prove that I am alright . Tomorrow I will wake up , take a deep breath , and start over . But tonight , I will lean on my friends and stay in the comfort of my own bed , where nothing else can bother me . |
Sudha Murthy , wife of Infosys Chairman Narayanamurthy , talking about her life and the story of how Infosys was born : It was in Pune that I met Narayan Murty through my friend Prasanna who is now the Wipro chief , who was also training in Telco . Most of the books that Prasanna lent me had Murty 's name on them , which meant that I had a preconceived image of the man . Contrary to expectation , Murty was shy , bespectacled and an introvert . When he invited us for dinner , I was a bit taken aback as I thought the young man was making a very fast move . I refused since I was the only girl in the group . But Murty was relentless and we all decided to meet for dinner the next day at 7 . 30 p . m . at Green Fields hotel on the Main Road , Pune . The next day I went there at 7 o clock since I had to go to the tailor near the hotel . And what do I see ? Mr . Murty waiting in front of the hotel and it was only seven . Till today , Murty maintains that I had mentioned ( consciously ! ) that I would be going to the tailor at 7 so that I could meet him … And I maintain that I did not say any such thing consciously or unconsciously because I did not think of Murty as anything other than a friend at that stage . We have agreed to disagree on this matter . Soon , we became friends . Our conversations were filled with Murty 's experiences abroad and the books that he has read . My friends insisted that Murty was trying to impress me because he was interested in me . I kept denying it till one fine day , after dinner Murty said " I want to tell you something " . I knew this was it . It was coming . He said , I am 5 ' 4 ″ tall . I come from a lower middle class family . I can never become rich in my life and I can never give you any riches . You are beautiful , bright , intelligent and you can get anyone you want . But will you marry me ? I asked Murty to give me some time for an answer . My father didn 't want me to marry a wannabe politician , ( a communist at that ) who didn 't have a steady job and wanted to build an orphanage … When I went to Hubli I told my pare - collected from an email - Last week , an IITian committed suicide . People who commit suicide do it when they feel there 's no future . But wait , isn 't IIT the one place where a bright and shining future is a foregone conclusion ? It just doesn 't add up , does it ? Why would a young , hardworking , bright student who has the world ahead of him do something like this ? But the answer is this - in our constant reverence for the great institution ( and I do believe IITs are great ) , we forget the dark side . And the dark side is that the IITs are afflicted by the quintessential Indian phenomenon of academic pressure , probably the highest in the world . News of a suicide always brings back one particular childhood memory . I was 14 years old when I first seriously contemplated suicide . I had done badly in chemistry in the Class X half yearly exam . I was an IIT aspirant , and 68 % was nowhere near what an IIT candidate should be getting . I don 't know what had made me screw up the exam , but I did know this , I was going to kill myself . The only debate was about method . Ironically , chemistry offered a way . I had read about copper sulphate , and that it was both cheap and poisonous . Copper sulphate was available at the kirana store . I had it all worked out . I didn 't do it for two reasons . One , I had a casual chat with the aunty next door about copper sulphate , and my knowledgeable aunty knew about a woman who had died that way . She said it was the most painful death possible , all your veins burst and you suffer for hours . This tale made my insides shudder . Second , on the day I was to do it , I noticed a street dog outside my house being teased by the neighborhood kids as he hunted for scraps of food . Nobody loved him . It would make no difference to the world if the dog wasn 't there . And I was pretty sure that its chemistry score would be awful . Yet , the dog wasn 't trotting off to the kirana store . He was only interested in figuring out a strategy for his next meal . And when he was full , he merely curled up in a corner with one eye open , clearly content and not giving a damn about the world . If he wasn 't planning to die anytime soon what the hell was I ranting about ? I threw the copper sulphate in the bin . It was the best two bucks I ever wasted . So why did I tell you this story ? Because sometimes the pressure gets too much . Like it did for the IITian who couldn 't take it no more . On the day he took that dreadful decision , his family and friends were shattered , and India lost a wonderful , bright child . And as the silly but true copper sulphate story tells you - it could happen to any of us or those around us . So please be on the lookout , if you see a distressed young soul , lend a supportive , non - judge mental ear . When I look back , I thank that aunt and that dog for unwittingly saving my life . If God wanted us to take our own life , he would have provided a power off button . He didn 't , so have faith and let his plan for you unfold . Because no matter how tough life gets and how much it hurts , if street dogs don 't give up , there is no reason why we , the smart species , should . Makes sense right ? I still cannot forget my first visit to Udavum Karangal , especially to some parts of the home . One was a huge hall , neat , clean and devoid of any furniture . That was the home of the babies between the ages of one and a half to two and a half . Through the glass doors , I could see lots of babies in the room , all seated on the floor . Some were lying on the floor looking at the ceiling , some sitting gloomy faced and some playing with toys . The kind of noise and enthusiasm associated with babies of that age group were missing in that room . Even at that age , their faces showed pain , melancholy and sadness . Though I knew the answer , I asked myself , how could small babies sit so quietly ? They were not ordinary small babies who were carried , hugged , kissed and loved by their parents . The three women in the room had to take care of all the babies and it was not right to expect them to give personal attention to all the babies all the time . But they tried their best to make the babies happy . With me was photographer Sreeram . We opened the door and stepped inside the room . What happened next was a scene I still cannot forget . All the babies who were sitting so quietly jumped to their feet and ran towards us , the room was filled with their childlike laughter . It was heart wrenching to see so many babies surrounding you with their hands raised . All of them wanted to be lifted . We took them one by one . When I carried one baby , the others would tug at my dress and call me with their hands raised . They caught hold of us so tight that we could not keep them down . They just clung to us . They wanted to be hugged and kissed . They were yearning for physical touch and love . When we carried the babies , those who were standing down would hold our legs tightly . It was then that their Papa Vidyakar entered the room . The moment they saw him , all of them ran towards him . He carried two of them in his hands while others clung to his legs . He sat on the floor so that all of them could climb on to him . After an hour when we were about to leave the room , they hung on to us not letting us leave the room . As we walked away from the room , I turned back . Outstretched tiny hands were still on the glass door as if pleading us to take them . Those eyes ; there was only sadness and disappointment in them . From there , Vidyakar took us to another room where babies below the age of one lived . If the slightly older babies ran to us , most of these babies crawled on all fours to us , mostly to their Papa Vidyakar and some who had already learnt to walk , walked unsteadily . Vidyakar sat on the floor and the babies crowded on him . Suddenly we noticed a baby sitting at the far end of the room , sulking . He waved her to come to him but she just sat there looking at him with no smile on her face , and then she fell back with her head banging on the floor . He then got up and walked towards her . " She 's very sensitive and obstinate . " As he carried her , she was still sobbing in pain , and tears rolled down her cheeks . It was then that I noticed the shocking truth ; she didn 't have arms . Her name was Rohini , named after the star of the day she was brought to Udavum Karangal . Rohini had lovely curly hair , bright eyes and a lovely complexion . How could a mother throw away such a sweet baby ? Perhaps , she had no other go . I told myself . Then Vidyakar told me the bitter truth , the cruelest news I have ever heard in my life . No , she was not a mistake ; she was not the result of someone 's uncontrollable passions . Yes , she was abandoned and she was unwanted . Her parents were educated , well educated ; they were both doctors , and the very woman who carried that baby for ten months , and the very man who was responsible for her birth chose to abandon her in the hospital she was delivered . Do you know why ? Because she was deformed , because she had no arms . They did not throw her in a dustbin . Instead , just connived with the hospital , and arranged to send her to Udavum Karangal . They could do all that because they had money and power . A few days after her birth , the baby was brought to Udavum Karangal and Vidyakar insisted on hearing the truth from those who brought her there . That day was the star of Rohini , and the nameless , armless baby got a name the day she became an inmate of Udavum Karangal . She was named Rohini by Vidyakar . I just stared at the baby who was smiling at me . How could a mother , how could a father abandon their baby , one who needed parents most ? Should they not be feeding her because she cannot eat on her own ? Should they not be combing her hair and dressing her because she cannot ? Should they not be wiping her tears because she cannot wipe her own tears ? When her parents should have been her arms , they threw her away . How can anyone be so cruel ? I don 't know , I really do not know . When I met Rohini after a year and a half , she had changed completely . She no longer smiled . Her lips were firmly placed as if she didn 't want to say anything to anyone , as if she was very angry . There was no brightness in her eyes ; only pain , anger and frustration . That was the first time in my life that I saw anger and frustration in the eyes of a two and a half year old . " She now knows she is different . She can 't play with the other kids , and she can 't do most of the things the others do . But we are training her to use her legs . She is picking up , " Vidyakar told me . I am writing once again about Rohini because it is not possible for me not to . And , many readers of this blog wanted to know more about her too . Perhaps I am using it as an excuse to write about a sad and resentful little girl of seven . I wonder how she would have turned out if her parents had not chosen to abandon her . But then different people , rather children , react differently to situations . That is why I also want to write about one of the most pleasant and lively little girls I met recently at Udavum Karangal . It was after a long gap that I was meeting Rohini ; she is seven years now , and has grown big . I was surprised to see her in school uniform ; gone was the little girl who used to bang her head on the floor and cry . But I was saddened to see her tight lips and unsmiling face . Sreeram , our photographer had to really try hard to bring a faint smile on her face . I do not know how someone can throw a few days old baby from a train , and how cruel people can be . They did it maybe because she was a girl ; maybe because she was unwanted . Fortunately for the baby , she didn 't die ; she only lost a leg . She was rescued from the railway track and given life by Udavum Karangal . On the other hand , Rohini , the girl who was born without hands still cannot get over the anger and resentment she has of the world that abandoned her . As she sat down on the floor with a book and pencil to show me how well she wrote , Vatsalya also sat beside her to write a poem in Tamil . Rohini turned the pages with her leg and wrote the table of seven . Unfortunately , she made mistakes , and when she found that Vatsalya had finished writing , the little girl said grudgingly , " she writes everything very fast . See I made a mistake . I don 't know how she gets first rank all the time . " In reply , Vatsalya just smiled . Later when I asked Vatsalya who her best friend was , she gave a name , and that was not Rohini . Rohini was angry again . " She ( Vatsalya ) is my best friend but she has another best friend . " She then turned to Vatsalya and said , " I don 't like you because you have another best friend . " To that accusation also , Vatsalya has only reaction ; a disarming smile . I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world . I never graduated from college . Truth be told , this is the closest I 've ever gotten to a college graduation . Today I want to tell you three stories from my life . That 's it . No big deal . Just three stories . The first story is about connecting the dots . I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months , but then stayed around as a drop - in for another 18 months or so before I really quit . So why did I drop out ? It started before I was born . My biological mother was a young , unwed college graduate student , and she decided to put me up for adoption . She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates , so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife . Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl . So my parents , who were on a waiting list , got a call in the middle of the night asking : " We have an unexpected baby boy ; do you want him ? " They said : " Of course . " My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school . She refused to sign the final adoption papers . She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college . And 17 years later I did go to college . But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford , and all of my working - class parents ' savings were being spent on my college tuition . After six months , I couldn 't see the value in it . I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out . And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life . So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK . It was pretty scary at the time , but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made . The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn 't interest me , and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting . It wasn 't all romantic . I didn 't have a dorm room , so I slept on the floor in friends ' rooms , I returned coke bottles for the 5 ¢ deposits to buy food with , and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple . I loved it . And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on . Let me give you one example : Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country . Throughout the campus every poster , every label on every drawer , was beautifully hand calligraphed . Because I had dropped out and didn 't have to take the normal classes , I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this . I learned about serif and san serif typefaces , about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations , about what makes great typography great . It was beautiful , historical , artistically subtle in a way that science can 't capture , and I found it fascinating . None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life . But ten years later , when we were designing the first Macintosh computer , it all came back to me . And we designed it all into the Mac . It was the first computer with beautiful typography . If I had never dropped in on that single course in college , the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts . And since Windows just copied the Mac , its likely that no personal computer would have them . If I had never dropped out , I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class , and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do . Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college . But it was very , very clear looking backwards ten years later . Again , you can 't connect the dots looking forward ; you can only connect them looking backwards . So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future . You have to trust in something - your gRemembering that I 'll be dead soon is the most important tool I 've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life . Because almost everything all external expectations , all pride , all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death , leaving only what is truly important . Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose . You are already naked . There is no reason not to follow your heart . About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer . I had a scan at 7 : 30 in the morning , and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas . I didn 't even know what a pancreas was . The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable , and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months . My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order , which is doctor 's code for prepare to die . It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you 'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months . It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family . It means to say your goodbyes . I lived with that diagnosis all day . Later that evening I had a biopsy , where they stuck an endoscope down my throat , through my stomach and into my intestines , put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor . I was sedated , but my wife , who was there , told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery . I had the surgery and I 'm fine now . This was the closest I 've been to facing death , and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades . Having lived through it , I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept : No one wants to die . Even people who want to go to heaven don 't want to die to get there . And yet death is the destWhen I was young , there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog , which was one of the bibles of my generation . It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park , and he brought it to life with his poetic touch . This was in the late 1960 's , before personal computers and desktop publishing , so it was all made with typewriters , scissors , and polaroid cameras . It was sort of like Google in paperback form , 35 years before Google came along : it was idealistic , and overflowing with neat tools and great notions . Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog , and then when it had run its course , they put out a final issue . It was the mid - 1970s , and I was your age . On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road , the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous . Beneath it were the words : " Stay Hungry . Stay Foolish . " It was their farewell message as they signed off . Stay Hungry . Stay Foolish . And I have always wished that for myself . And now , as you graduate to begin anew , I wish that for you . Stay Hungry . Stay Foolish . Thank you all very much . Posted by contactng under Inspirational Leave a Comment It was probably the April of 1974 . I was the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies ' hostel . I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer science . I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the US . I had not thought of taking up a job in India . One day , while on the way to my hostel from our lecture - hall complex , I saw an advertisement on the notice board . It was a standard job - requirement notice from the famous automobile company Telco ( now Tata Motors ) . It stated that the company required young , bright engineers , hardworking and with an excellent academic background , etc . At the bottom was a small line : " Lady Candidates need not apply . " I read it and was very upset . For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination . Though I was not keen on taking up the job , I saw it as a challenge . I had done extremely well in academics , better than most of my male peers . Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence is not enough to be successful ? After reading the notice I went angrily to my room . I decided to inform the topmost person in Telco 's management about the injustice the company was perpetrating . I got a postcard and started to write , but there was a problem : I did not know who headed Telco . I thought it must be one of the Tatas . I knew JRD Tata was the head of the Tata Group ; I had seen his pictures in newspapers ( actually , Sumant Moolgaokar was the company 's chairman then ) . I took the card , addressed it to JRD and started writing . To this day I remember clearly what I wrote . " The great Tatas have always been pioneers . They are the people who started the basic infrastructure industries in India , such as iron and steel , chemicals , textiles and locomotives . They have cared for higher education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science . Fortunately , I study there . But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender . " I posted the letter and forgot about it . Less than 10 days later , I received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at Telco 's Pune facility at the company 's expense . I was taken aback by the telegram . My hostel mated told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap ! I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari . When I look back , I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going , but back then they seemed good enough to make the trip . I went to Telco 's Pimpri office for the interview . There were six people on the panel and I realized then that this was serious business . " This is the girl who wrote to JRD , " I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room . By then I knew for sure that I would not get the job . The realization abolished all fear from my mind , so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted . said lady candidates need not apply ? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor . This is not a co - ed college ; this is a factory . When it comes to academics , you are a first ranker throughout . We appreciate that , but people like you should work in research laboratories . " Finally , after a long interview , I was told I had been successful . So this was what the future had in store for me . Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune . I met a shy young man from Karnataka there , we became good friends and we got married . It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was : the uncrowned king of Indian industry . Now I was scared , but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay . One day I had to show some reports to Mr . Moolgaokar , our chairman , who we all knew as SM . I was in his office on the first floor of Bombay House ( the Tata headquarters ) when , suddenly JRD walked in . That was the first time I saw " appro JRD " . Appro means " our " in Gujarati . This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay House called him . I was feeling very nervous , remembering my postcard episode . SM introduced me nicely , " Jeh ( that 's what his close associates called him ) , this young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate . She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor . " JRD looked at me . I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my interview ( or the postcard that preceded it ) . Thankfully , he didn 't . Instead , he remarked . " It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country . By the way , what is your name ? " " When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni , Sir , " I replied . " Now I am Sudha Murthy . " He smiled and kindly smile and started a discussion with SM . As for me , I almost ran out of the room . After that I used to see JRD on and off . He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an engineer . There was nothing that we had in common . I was in One day I was waiting for Murthy , my husband , to pick me up after office hours . To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me . I did not know how to react . Yet again I started worrying about that postcard . Looking back , I realize JRD had forgotten about it . It must have been a small incident for him , but not so for me . " Young lady , why are you here ? " he asked . " Office time is over . " I said , " Sir , I 'm waiting for my husband to come and pick me up . " JRD said , " It is getting dark and there 's no one in the corridor . I 'll wait with you till your husband comes . " I was quite used to waiting for Murthy , but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely uncomfortable . I was nervous . Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him . He wore a simple white pant and shirt . He was old , yet his face was glowing . There wasn 't any air of superiority about him . I was thinking , " Look at this person . He is a chairman , a well - respected man in our country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee . " In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco . I was reluctant to go , but I really did not have a choice . I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD coming up . He was absorbed in thought . I wanted to say goodbye to him , so I stopped . He saw me and paused . Gently , he said , " So what are you doing , Mrs Kulkarni ? " ( That was the way he always addressed me . ) " Sir , I am leaving Telco . " " Where are you going ? " he asked . " Pune , Sir . My husband is starting a company called Infosys and I 'm shifting to Pune . " " Oh ! And what will you do when you are successful . " " Sir , I don 't know whether we will be successful . " " Never start with diffidence , " he advised me . " Always start with confidence . When you are successful you must give back to society . Society gives us so much ; we must reciprocate . I wish you all the best . " Then JRD continued walking up the stairs . I stood there for what seemed like a millennium . That was the last time I saw him alive . Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House , occupying the chair JRD once did . I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco . Later , he wrote to me , " It was nice hearing about Jeh from you . The sad part is that he 's not alive to see you today . " I consider JRD a great man because , despite being an extremely busy person , he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice . He must have received thousands of letters everyday . He could have thrown mine away , but he didn 't do that . He respected the intentions of that unknown girl , who had neither influence nor money , and gave her an opportunity in his company . He did not merely give her a job ; he changed her life and mindset forever . I see these changes and I think of JRD . If at all time stops and asks me what I want from life , I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see how the company we started has grown . He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly . My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage of time . I always looked up to JRD . I saw him as a role model for his simplicity , his generosity , his kindness and the care he took of his employees . Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky ; they had the same vastness and magnificence . Posted by contactng under Inspirational [ 7 ] Comments He was short . He was sharp . He was the brightest boy in his class . His seniors would ask him to solve their difficulties in Science . He could have gone unnoticed in the crowd , but once you asked him a question related to Physics or Maths , there was a spark in his eyes . He could grasp theories of Science faster than the speed of light . He came from a poor but educated family . His father was a high - school teacher and an avid reader of English literature . He , like all the boys in the class was trying to get admission into some engineering college . The brighter ones wanted to study in the Indian Institutes of Technology , or the IIT 's . There was an entrance test for IIT . This boy , along with his friends applied to appear for the test . They did not have any special books or coaching . All these IIT aspirants would sit below the shade of a stone mantap close to chamundi hills in the sleepy town of Mysore . He was a guide for others . While the others struggled to solve problems in the question paper , he would smile shyly and solve them in no time . He sat below a tree and dreamt of studying at IIT . He was then only sixteen years old . D - Day came . He came to Bangalore , stayed with some relatives and appeared for the entrance test . He did very well but would only say " OK " when asked . It was the opposite when it came to food … . " OK " implied bad , " good " implied ok , and " very good " implied good ! His principle was never to hurt anyone … . The IIT entrance results came . He had passed with flying colors and the highest rank . He was thrilled ! He went to his father who was reading a newspaper . " ANNA , I have passed the exam " " Well done , My Boy " . " I want to join IIT " . His father stopped reading the paper . He lifted his head , Looked at the boy and said with a heavy voice " You know our financial position , and I cannot afford your expenses at IIT . You can stay in Mysore and learn as much as you want " . His father was sad that he had to tell the bitter truth , but it could not be helped . The teenager was disappointed . He was so near to fulfilling his fondest dream , yet so far . His heart sank in sorrow . He did not reply . He never shared his unhappiness with anyone . He was an introvert by nature . His heart was bleeding but he did not get angry with anyone . The day came ; his classmates were leaving for madras ( today called Chennai ) . They were " Powered by intellect , Driven by Values " . |
Chapter I " Restless nights , tired days . . . " That is how Cloud had become to describe his life lately . He and Tifa had been married for five years . Meteor and Sephiroth were destroyed six years ago . The two of them had two children , a son and daughter . Their son 's name was Kyle . He had the same hair as Cloud and Tifa 's deep , brown eyes . They named their daughter Skye . She had Tifa 's long , dark hair and Cloud 's Mako - blue eyes . Kyle was four and Skye was two . The small family had been living in the rebuilt Nibelheim . Cloud and Tifa didn 't want to be living in the slums anymore . Cloud though , was an important person in the new Midgar government . He was vice president . This meant he had to be there every day for meetings that would draw on for hours and sometimes , late nights . Often he 'd come home and found his children already asleep . Tifa though , was always there to greet him . " Fine , another boring meeting and a few papers to push around . . . " Cloud said as he collapsed into a chair . Tifa came and sat in his lap , running her fingers through his hair . Cloud closed his eyes and opened them again a few seconds later . He saw Tifa 's beautiful face smiling at him . He felt really lucky to have her . She was always there for him and would always be . " You know what ? Maybe you should put in for some vacation time . Then you could spend sometime with us and get away from your desk for a few days . Kyle and Skye would really like to see you more than twenty minutes each day . " Tifa suggested . Cloud shifted a bit and looked at her . " Hey , maybe that wouldn 't be so bad actually . I would enjoy getting away from those fossils in Midgar . I swear that I must be the youngest one in the entire government ! " Cloud said . Tifa smiled and nodded . " So , is it a ' yes ' then ? Will you take sometime off ? I heard Costa Del Sol is great this time of year . " Tifa said . " Sure , why not ! I can call in tomorrow and see what I can do . It 's been a while since we visited my villa there in Costa Del Sol . " Cloud said as he got up and carried Tifa to bed in his arms . Every day he felt more in love with her , that 's why he didn 't want to tell her the real reason he 'd been so weary lately . Cloud walked outside his house and picked up a newspaper . " Just more bad news . . . " Cloud muttered to himself as he walked back inside . He tossed the paper onto the dining room table and went on to make his call for taking some time off . Tifa , Kyle , and Skye weren 't up yet and he didn 't want to tell them anything just yet . " Sure Mr . Strife , one moment . " Cloud looked outside and saw the sun beginning to rise . Tifa and the others would be up soon . . . " Hello ? Attendance , how may I help you ? " The person there asked . Cloud turned from the window . " Yes , this is Cloud Strife . I 'd like to put in some vacation time for the coming week . " Cloud said . A few seconds later , the person talked again . " Sure thing , Sir . Just so happens that you actually have about two months worth of vacation . " The person told him . Cloud seemed a bit shocked . " Ok , " Cloud said " I 'll get the others up and come back in a few . " Cloud jogged to the kid 's room and walked in . Both were still sleeping . Skye was clutching a toy bear . Cloud looked at them and smiled , he loved his kids and wouldn 't want anything to ever happen to them . Nothing . " You bet ! We 're gonna go swimming and playing in the sand all day and all night ! Now get your brother up and tell him what 's happening , I have to wake your mother . " Cloud said , exiting the room . " Kay Daddy ! Kyle wake up ! " Skye answered . Cloud was back in his room again . " Okay , Tifa . Time to get up now . We 're leaving to Costa Del Sol at noon . " Cloud said as he pulled the covers off the bed . " You got the time off ? That 's wonderful ! How long are we staying ? " Tifa asked as she stood up and went to find some clothes to wear . " I was able to get two weeks off . Turns out I had two months of vacation time ! " Cloud answered . Tifa smiled . " I guess being vice president has its perks , doesn 't it ? " " Reeve , probably not as much actually . I mean , he is the PRESIDENT of Midgar you know . He has to run things and make all the decisions , I just sit in at meetings and occasionally sign a form or two . But I don 't care , it pays well and I can always come home to you and the kids . " Tifa looked at Cloud , he looked at her . And then they kissed . " Mr . President , how are things going ? " A man asked at a meeting one day . Cloud and his family had already been on vacation for a few days now and things were normal in Midgar . " Fine , thank you , " Reeve answered . " Is there something I can help you with ? " The man got up from his chair and walked over to Reeve , he stood over him and looked at him with cold eyes . " Yes Mr . President , there actually is something with which you can help us . Your vice president is Cloud Strife right ? " The man asked . Reeve shifted a bit in his leather chair , the springs whined in protest . The man put his hand on the back and pushed the chair to the wall . " Y - yes . That 's correct . Why ? " Reeve asked nervously . He could feel something sharp in his back and squirmed some . The man now was only inches away from his face now . Reeve could smell tobacco on his breath . " Well , " The man began " We 'd like to use him some . You know how they actually created him to be a clone of the great Sephiroth right ? We 'd like to continue the experiments that Hojo was never able to complete . We want to inject him with more Jenova cells , we believe that Sephiroth is alive . And Mr . Strife can lead us to him . " He finished . Reeve sat still for a second and then anger overtook him . " No ! I won 't allow that ! Cloud is my friend and Sephiroth is dead , Cloud killed him himself and that was it . Sephiroth is dead and so is Hojo . There 'll be NO experimenting on anyone ! Do you understand me ? " Reeve was now standing and had a hand around the other man 's neck . " And this is the end of this conversation , no more will be said about this and no one will know about it . Got it ? " Reeve was now very angry . The other man though seemed calm . Reeve removed his hand from the man 's neck and shoved him toward the door . " Get out , and I NEVER want to see you in this city again . If you are seen here , you will be killed . Now leave . " The man walked to the door and adjusted his collar . He turned to Reeve and shook his head . " Hear me now Reeve , you will be sorry you didn 't concede in this . You will be sorry . . . " Reeve picked up a letter opener and flung it in the man 's direction . It stabbed into the wall just inches away from the man 's face . " Fuck you , get out of my goddamned office ! " Reeve said . And with that , the man went out the door . Reeve waited until he heard it click and slumped into his chair . " Oh my god , what have I done ? ! " Reeve cried out . He slammed his fist on the large table , a cup tipped and spilled its contents out over some papers lying there . The sky grew dark , and Reeve sat there still . " Very good Skye , maybe someday you could build one for us all to live in ? " Cloud said smiling at his daughter 's achievement . Skye gasped . " Eeee ! ! Yeah , I wanna do that ! " Sky shouted as she began digging more sand . Cloud looked out into the water where Kyle was swimming . He stood up and waved to his son . Kyle waved back and made a big splash in the water . " Nope , but I found some cool shells from snails or something . And a few clam shells ! " Kyle shouted back . Cloud walked to the water and looked in the directions to his side . More and more water lay before him . He remembered his battle with Emerald WEAPON in these waters . " You bet , it 's pleasant actually to get out and just relax . " He answered . The sun was getting lower in the sky and they 'd have to return to his Villa soon . He opened their cooler and took out a drink . He opened the can and set it in the sand next to him . The water lapped lightly at the shores and he could see the sea foam disappearing into the sand . Skye was still busy with her deluxe sandcastle and was furiously filling up bucket after bucket of sand . That night , Cloud had unusual dream , even for him . He found himself in an open field . The sky was black and he couldn 't see more than three feet in any direction . Suddenly , Cloud felt a drop of rain land on his arm , and then another , and another . He now felt it pouring all around him , soaking him completely . Huge forks of lightning cut paths across the dark sky . Thunder followed immediately and made Cloud flinch with the first crash . Cloud 's spiky hair had now become limp and hung over his eyes , obscuring his vision . He brushed it back and looked around , trying to see just where in the hell he was now . Just as suddenly as the storm had come , it ended . Cloud looked around some more and walked a bit . Just as he began to turn back around , a flash of light filled the area and Cloud rushed to shade his eyes from it . A person was now coming from the light . Cloud squinted and tried to see who it was . The light pulsated a bit and dimmed to a level where Cloud could see everything around him now . The person walked up to Cloud and stopped about ten feet away . Cloud could tell the person was female , she had long brown hair that was put into a braid . She also had a pink ribbon in it . Cloud now knew who this person was . It was Aerith ! Cloud ran up to her . " Aerith ! Aerith it 's me , Cloud ! Aerith ! " Cloud shouted to her . Aerith slowly raised her head , her eyes looked weird . They were still their beautiful shade of green . Only now , they didn 't have the usual kindness and happiness that Cloud had known when she was alive . " Cloud , " she began . " You let this happen to me . . . Why didn 't you do anything . . . I died because of you . . . Cloud . . . " Aerith was looking right into Cloud 's eyes when she said it . She spoke again slowly . " You let Sephiroth control you . . . He 's right . . . You are just a puppet . . . A weak pathetic puppet who can 't even protect a person 's life . . . I thought that I loved you , Cloud . . . But how could I love a person who didn 't even know who he was . . . " Aerith said to Cloud . When Cloud heard this , he was filled with rage . " No , the Aerith I knew would never say something like that . She knew the truth about me and what as happening . You 're not Aerith ! ! You 're just some memory in my mind that is trying to make me feel like a failure ! ! Well I know I can just wake up and things will be better again ! You 'll see ! I 'm the master of my own illusionary world ! " Cloud shouted . He was feeling a bit weird and ran around laughing aloud . " You ! This entire place ! It 's not real ! None of it , ha ha ha ! I 'm just dreaming and soon I 'll wake up and I can forget all of this ever happened . Besides I know I will because dreams are easy to forget ! Ha ha ha ! " Cloud said as he ran up to Aerith and pointed a finger at her . When he was done , something weird began happening to ' Aerith ' . She began to glow and change . When done , Sephiroth stood before him . More flashes of light followed his appearance . Everyone from Nibelheim appeared in a circle . But that wasn 't the end . Everyone who died in the crash of the Sector 7 plate in Midgar also appeared . Cloud stood his ground and unsheathed his trusty Ultima Weapon . Sephiroth then stepped up to him . " Well Cloud , how have you been . Not feeling any guilt I hope , even though all of the people you see before you are only here because of you . Cloud , it is you who killed the people around you . Each and every one of them . And now they want to let you know how they feel about since then . " With that , Cloud 's mother came forward from the crowd . Her eyes were like Aerith 's , cold and dark . Cloud looked at her , and after some time spoke . " Mom . . . I miss you . . . I wish that you didn 't have to die , Mom . . . " Cloud said as he felt his eyes well with tears . Here before him was his mom , the person who had raised him and died in the fire in Nibelheim . She didn 't look at him , but through him . Cloud wanted to hug her , to let her know that he loved her . She only stood still and did nothing . Cloud backed away . " Wait ! This is just another trick ! My mom may be dead , but I know she 'd never blame me for it ! Never ! " Cloud shouted . Sephiroth now appeared just feet from Cloud . Cloud held out his huge sword and made a small thrust at Sephiroth , trying to keep him away , But Sephiroth just came closer . The blade missed him by a hair each time . Now he was inches from Cloud . " So Cloud , you don 't think this is real , do you ? Well , if it 's not then you could surely just wake up now and disregard all of this couldn 't you ? Do it , wake up and none of this will have ever happened . Do it . " Sephiroth said to Cloud . Cloud swallowed and looked at the people around him . Ll of them had the same cold , dark eyes . He wanted to wake up so much , but he wasn 't sure how to . Then he remembered hearing that if you can pinch yourself in a dream , then you can wake up . He sheathed his sword and pinched his arm as hard as he could . Nothing , not even pain . Cloud felt nervousness hit him like a ton of bricks . He looked around him again at the people . They were coming toward him . Each one was talking , blaming HIM for their demises . Cloud felt scared , he had no idea what they would try to do to him . In desperation , he took out a small dagger he had . He cut him arm with it and watched the blood fall to the ground . " Wake ! " Sephiroth cried , and Cloud did . President Reeve stood in his office and looked out over the city . People below ran about and did their own things while he sat there . He so much wanted to be a part of that life , but instead was confined to this building and this office , only able to look out and wish . Being in government wasn 't the greatest thing , but it was better than what he had before . Now his mind was filled with thoughts about what that man who had confronted him had planned for Cloud . He wanted to find him again and kill him . But that was probably unlikely now , he 'd just have to warn Cloud somehow . He didn 't much like the idea of having to call him during his vacation and telling him that his life may be in danger , he 'd just wait until Cloud returned . That would be in a week . And he didn 't even tell the man where Cloud had gone to , or why he was gone even . That gave Reeve some comfort . " Cloud , what should we do tonight ? I was thinking about going to the restaurant and then maybe a stroll along the beach . " Tifa asked Cloud on the tenth night of their vacation . Cloud shrugged . " Sure , we could do that . " He answered . This whole vacation had been great for him so far , he didn 't want to go back . He had everything he needed right there with him . Peace , his family , a nice place to live . Things were great . He still had memories of his dream though , he couldn 't shake the thought of it . He hadn 't told Tifa because he was afraid she would worry and want to go back early . He 'd just have to deal with it until he found the right time to tell her , and he hoped it 'd be soon . " Cloud , I think there 's something bothering you lately . " Tifa said during their dinner that night . He looked up at her and just froze in that position . He didn 't want to tell her what happened , not just yet . " What do you mean , Tifa ? I 'm feeling great , especially now . " Cloud said . Tifa was still looking at him . " Listen , I 'll tell you what happened after we get back to Nibelheim . I 'll tell you everything then . " Cloud offered . It was the last day of vacation now for the Strife family . Cloud was helping the kids pack and load things into the buggy . Tifa was making sure they didn 't leave anything in the Villa that they didn 't want to leave . When they weren 't staying there , Cloud would rent it out to people who visited Costa Del Sol . Everything was ready to go now and everyone was in the buggy . Cloud knew it would take some time before they made it back so he made sure they left early . They rode along the plains and made their way across rivers , sometimes seeing a group of chocobos or a pack of Vlackrados roaming the area . The kids were fascinated in seeing all of these new things , even though Cloud owned a gold chocobo and told them stories about how he had gotten to this point . After about seven hours of driving , they came to an Inn to stay the night . Cloud got rooms for everyone as the others took out their suitcases . Tifa helped the kids carry their things to the room where Cloud was waiting . They set their items out and prepared to sleep . The kids weren 't very tired so Cloud let them watch some TV to make them sleepy . Cloud turned on the television set to see something terrible . News cameras were outside of the Midgar Central Government Building in Midgar . Cloud turned the TV up to hear . " Following a heated argument with a seemingly disgruntled employee just yesterday , Midgar President Reeve was found dead in his office . The only witness was the President 's secretary who heard gunshots from the outside . " The reporter said . Cloud could hardly believe what he was hearing . Reeve had been killed , and here he was . Cloud got up and slammed his fist into the TV 's power button . He had to get back , now . " Ok , Cloud . Kids , get your things together . " Tifa said quietly . She looked at Cloud and saw the anger , and sadness on his face . She knew that he didn 't want to have to see that . After a few minutes more , everyone was set to go . They packed everything back into the buggy and set off . Cloud drove fast and dangerously . " Cloud , please settle down . You 're scaring the kids . Please ? " Tifa asked , putting her hand on Cloud 's arm . Cloud accelerated a bit more , but then slowed down . He wanted to get back as fast as he could , but with as little trouble as possible . They drove on for hours , Tifa and the kids had fallen asleep but Cloud didn 't feel sleepy in the least bit . He drove for hours more and could now see the huge lights of Midgar in the far distance . Cloud accelerated and made the buggy shudder with the high speed . The city grew bigger as he sped along , each second going faster and faster . Soon enough , Cloud was at one of the gates . He was waved through and drove right up to the Midgar Central Government Building . Police cars and media vans were all over . Red and blue flashing lights illuminated the area and voices filled the air . He parked the buggy and got out , as soon as he did though he was swamped by reporters who wanted to ask him questions . Cloud pushed past them and made it to the police chief . He could see people rushing in and out of the large building . The chief was telling reporters to leave and stop their cameras seeing as this was a government ordeal . The chief paused when he saw Cloud standing there . Barret Wallace was the police chief . He had been hired by Cloud . Barret asked Cloud to step to another area so he could ask a few questions . " Well , I have to ask you a few questions about all this . You been on a vacation so that pretty much makes you innocent . You think anyone had some beef wit ' Reeve ? " Barret asked , he had begun a small interrogation now . " No , I just found out about this last night on the news . I left as soon as I saw it . " Cloud answered . " Well , I guess you need some time to everthin ' back in order . I 'll call you down to HQ later to finish this up . Take it easy Cloud . " Barret said as he went back to talk to a few more people . Rain had begun to fall and many people were leaving to seek dryer ground . Cloud stood there still , looking at the building before him . He wanted to go inside . He made his way to the front doors where he was stopped by two officers . " No , I 'm the Vice President . I need to get in . " Cloud told him . Barret heard this and told the officers to let Cloud go inside . The place was filled with more uniformed officers . They scurried around dusting the place for prints and examining everything they saw . Cloud walked past them and went to the elevators . He pressed the UP button and waited for it to arrive . A few officers looked toward him , some recognized him . One shook his head and went back to work . The elevator made a ' ding ' noise and the doors opened . Cloud entered and pushed the button for the 69th floor . He looked out the window and saw the world before him shrink and get farther away . He could now see more of the city and some of the homes . A few lights were on , some people must have been awakened by the commotion . The elevator continued it 's climb and the world grew even smaller . Finally , the elevator arrived at the 69th floor and Cloud stepped off . More officers were here doing the same things as the ones from the first floor . Cloud walked toward the President 's office . The cops saw him and formed a path as he went . Cloud looked at a few of them as he went . They nodded and let him pass . Now Cloud was at the doors leading to the office . He stepped in and found a few officers dusting the area . One was at the desk , where Reeve 's body lay slumped over . Cloud walked up to him and looked at the officer standing there . " Wish I knew , nobody saw the shooting and it was during the night when very few people are in the building . I 'm not even sure yet why the president was still here . Have you talked to Chief Wallace yet ? " The officer told him . Cloud nodded . " Yeah , he should have more of this figured out by tomorrow . I don 't really think you should stay here though , who knows where the assassin is now . I suggest you go home now and we 'll contact you there , sir . " The officer continued . Cloud nodded again and left . Cloud and his family were now back in Nibelheim . Nothing about the mysterious murderer had been found yet and he was still at large . Cloud had been advised to stay home until everything was solved , but he refused . He wasn 't scared of anything before and surely wouldn 't be scared now . No stupid - shit murderer could ever get to him . He was Cloud Strife , the man who beat Sephiroth and destroyed Meteor . What was he afraid of ? One thing , himself . His mind was the most terrifying thing he had known . He had told Tifa about the dream , she tried to interpret it for him . Cloud figured she was just telling him what he wanted to hear , that it was nothing but a memory that had been pushed and held back and finally burst forth . But Cloud had his own interpretation , he came to the conclusion that Sephiroth was indeed still alive . He had to find the truth . If Sephiroth was alive , where was he and what did he have planned . Cloud had to find out , he 'd put everything aside until he knew he truth . " Morning Cloud ! " Tifa said smiling one morning . Cloud came down the stairs in his usual manner . One hand on the rail , the other trying to spike his hair . " Morning Tifa . What 're you doing today ? " He asked as he sat at the table . Tifa set some breakfast before him and got some for herself . " Sounds good , I 'm planning to do some stuff also today . Just go out and do some examining of an area that the Midgar Government wants to purchase . " Cloud said . Cloud was lying . " Ok , when do you think you 'll be done ? I was thinking we could also go out tonight and grab a bite somewhere . " Tifa offered . " Um , I 'm not sure how long it will take . Shouldn 't take more then nine hours though I hope . If anything comes up , I 'll call you as soon as possible . " Cloud said . He hated having to lie to the woman he loved , every time he looked into her eyes he felt more and more guilty . But he knew that she couldn 't know what he really wanted to do . Cloud left a bit later . He had with him some surveying supplies and other equipment to make the impression that he had some work to do . The night before , he put his armor , materia , and Ultima Weapon into the buggy . He sped across the plains and finally came to a stop out in the middle of a huge field . Something told him to stop here and Cloud didn 't want to ignore the feeling . He got out and equipped himself with his best armor and mastered materias . He opened the case that held the huge Ultima Weapon . He walked away from the buggy when the sky grew dark . The wind began to blow violently and Cloud struggled not to be blown over by its force . A few seconds later , the sky went black and lightning flashed across the sky , just like in his dream . Soon the rain began to fall . Cloud pushed his wet hair back and stood in a defensive stance . Suddenly an enormous flash of lighting immediately occurred . Cloud kneeled some but then got back into his stance . Lightning began striking the ground all around him now . Chunks of earth flew around him , some pieces hitting him and some he slashed at . Then the lightning focused on one area of the ground . No dirt flew from it though . The light intensified and Cloud was forced to close his eyes . Then there came a voice . " What the hell do you want ? ? ! ! " Cloud shouted . He had opened his eyes now . There before him was the Great Sephiroth . Cloud readied his weapon and prepared to fight . Sephiroth did nothing . " What it is , puppet ? Are you afraid this isn 't real ? Come on , try hitting me . " Sephiroth said . And Cloud did . He lunged at him and did a swirl slash against him . But Sephiroth wasn 't there ! Cloud turned around to see Sephiroth draw his Masamune and slice him across the stomach . Cloud could feel the warmth of his blood going down him . He quickly drank an X - Potion . The wound healed and Cloud was ready to fight again . He attacked again but hit nothing but air . Sephiroth was now behind him again . Cloud sun around and blocked Sephiroth 's blow with Ultima . Sparks flew as the two adversaries parried . Cloud pressed firmly on his brand as Sephiroth shoved back . Cloud then jumped back and used his Cross Slash limit break . Sephiroth deflected the attack and made an attack of his own , Cloud blocked it . Sephiroth raised his Masamune into the air and prepared to bring it down on Cloud 's head . But Cloud saw this and raised his weapon just in time to block it . " You fool , haven 't you figured out that it was just an illusion ! ? You CANNOT defeat me ! I am an heir to the planet , and I plan to make you a sacrifice to it . " Sephiroth answered . " You will never kill me , Sephiroth . I will instead kill you ! " Cloud said as he jumped up into the air and brought his sword down on Sephiroth . Sephiroth looked up and grinned . The next second , Cloud 's sword smashed into the ground . Sephiroth was now about fifteen feet away . He raised his hand into the air and placed the other on his temple . " Quake 3 . . . " he muttered . Suddenly , Cloud could feel the land below him shake violently . Then the earth rose and came crashing down back on top of him . Cloud stood back up and cast Cure 2 on himself . He looked around again , but couldn 't see Sephiroth . Then , another flash of light filled the area and Sephiroth was back . Only this time he brought Tifa , Skye and Kyle . Sephiroth had Tifa 's hair in his hand and the tip of Masamune to her neck . Sky and Kyle tried to run to Cloud , but Sephiroth used Fire 2 to stop them . The kids fell back , injured badly . " Tifa , Skye , Kyle ! ! " Cloud shouted . He ran toward them and then stopped . Sephiroth slowly slid the edge of Masamune across Tifa 's neck . Blood spilled out and Sephiroth let her body drop to the ground . Kyle got up and ran at Sephiroth . Then the Masamune claimed him as well . Skye was still on the ground , she had been caught in the middle of Sephiroth 's fire attack . Cloud fell to the ground . Sephiroth had just killed his wife and son and Skye was probably dead as well . Cloud looked up at Sephiroth who as grinning . Cloud stood up and picked up his Ultima Weapon . Sephiroth stood on the other side of his diminishing wall of fire . He then turned and walked away , just like in Nibelheim . Cloud saw his chance and ran at Sephiroth , his sword before him . Sephiroth stopped waling and turned around . He held Masamune in front of him and grinned as Cloud became impaled upon it . He pulled the mighty sword out , enjoying the sound of metal grinding against bone . Cloud lay on the ground now , he looked at Tifa and a tear rolled out from his eye . He then turned and looked at his two children , whom he had sworn to protect . But now lay dead . Cloud then Chapter V Cloud opened his eyes and was almost blinded by the light around him . He rubbed his eyes and felt the area around him , his hands touched nothing . He quickly got up and looked around . The whole area was a soft green color . He could hear voices and see people walking , one of them came up to him . " Yes , it 's just that I had this dream a while ago . You were there , and everyone else I had ever known , even my own mother . You said it was my fault that you died . . . " Cloud said to her . Aeris looked down , and then back up into his eyes . " Oh , well this time it 's real not a dream . I 'm really Aerith . And I don 't blame you for what you did , Sephiroth was controlling you at the time . Touch my hand , see for yourself . " Aerith extended her hand to Cloud . He touched it . She was real all right , but he still didn 't know where in the hell he was yet . " Yes Cloud , I 'm alive and so are you . This is the lifestream , it 's where everyone goes when they pass on . " Aerith told him . Cloud backed away . " Oh they 're here . They knew you 'd come as well . But there is not much time , if you want to see them , come with me . " Aerith said and clasped Cloud 's hand in her own . They then disappeared in a flash of light . A few seconds later they reappeared . Tifa and the kids were standing before them . Skye ran up to Cloud and hugged him . Kyle also ran up to hug his father . Tears began to roll from Cloud 's eyes , he was so happy to see his children again . He stood up and walked to Tifa . He looked at her for a second , and then grabbed her and they shared the most passionate kiss they had ever experienced . Aerith stood by with the kids . When Tifa and Cloud had finished , which they hadn 't wanted to , Cloud went back to Aerith . " I know you have to , there is another thing I must show you . " She told him . And with that a window opened in the green surroundings . They all looked in . It showed people laying dead on the ground , children and women slaughtered mercilessly . It changed to show another area , Nibelheim . More people lay dead across the streets , blood pools covered the now blood soaked ground . It changed again . More images of the dead were shown to them , Tifa looked away and covered the eyes of the Children . Then the window closed . Cloud looked at Tifa , then at Aerith . " Oh no . . . . I have to leave now . You gotta send me back , Sephiroth is killing everyone and soon there won 't be a soul on the planet . " Cloud said to Aerith . " I understand , it wasn 't even your time . Nor was it time for your family . You will be allowed to leave first , and then when all is well again , Tifa and you children will be with you again . " Aerith said . " Any time you want , just close your eyes and think about where you want to be and you 'll be there . " Aerith told him . With that Cloud gave Tifa another kiss and hugged both of his children . He then hugged Aerith and was gone . Cloud reappeared where he had been thinking about . He took out his Ultima weapon , ready to defend or attack anything . He walked along for a long time and came upon Gongaga Village . He walked in and found more dead . He entered a shop and looked around hoping he 'd find a person still alive . He was right . Small , muffled cries could be heard coming from a closet . Cloud ran over to it and opened the door . A small girl was huddled in the corner . Cloud asked her what happened . " A man came and he killed my mommy and daddy , then he killed everyone else . " She said quietly , probably afraid Sephiroth was still around . Cloud looked around and asked her to come , he told her it was safe and that Sephiroth was gone . She timidly put her hand out and Cloud helped her stand . She seemed to be about Kyle 's age . She had in her other hand a toy moogle , probably from a trip to Gold Saucer . Cloud picked her up and they left the house he found her in . They walked out and started towards Nibelheim . After a few hours it began to get dark and the girl was sleepy . Cloud decided they could stop and rest for the night . She had told him her name as they walked to the spot they were now at , it was Raynia . She and her parent 's had been living in Gongaga since before she was born . He parent 's had been through the mako reactor explosion but weren 't hurt by it . Her mother was also pregnant with another child , but now that child was gone . They talked for a while more before the girl finally fell asleep . Cloud though didn 't fall asleep just yet . He was wondering how Tifa and the kids were down in the lifestream . Could they see him through that window they were looking through before , he had no idea . He lay and stared at the bright stars for a few minutes more before he too fell asleep . Morning came and Cloud was awake first . He looked around and toward the sky . Clouds covered the sky and only a small shaft of sunlight shone through a hole in them . Cloud woke the girl and they left . Along the way they began to talk . " Nothing . . . I 'm fine . " Cloud answered , he didn 't want to tell her what he was doing now . They continued farther until they arrived in Cosmo Canyon . Nanaki was there and invited them to his home . Cloud introduced Raina to Nanaki and they all had something to eat . The sun was now setting and Raina was asleep in the Inn . Cloud and Nanaki were still awake . Cloud thought he should tell Nanaki about the situation , he could use the help if needed . " Nanaki , this may sound a bit weird to you and you may think I 've gone nuts , but it 's all true . A few days ago I discovered that Sephiroth wasn 't really dead . He 's very much alive and wants to destroy humanity . I battled him and he ended up killing Tifa and my children . He also killed me . I found Aerith in the Lifestream and she was able to send me back so that I could stop Sephiroth before he could do something terrible . And that is how it is . " Cloud said . Nanaki nodded . " No , I don 't think you 're crazy at all . I believe what you say is true and I will help you to bring an end to Sephiroth no matter what the cost . " Nanaki said . " Well , " Cloud began . " Sephiroth destroyed Gongaga and everyone there , except Raina . I found her in the rubble . Sephiroth is trying to finish what he started and nothing will stand in the way of his terrible plan . " " I don 't know , I just came here from Gongaga , I haven 't stopped anywhere else yet . But I 'm sure Sephiroth is out doing something horrible as we speak . " Cloud answered . Just as he said that screams could be heard from outside . Cloud and Nanaki rushed to the window and looked out over the canyon . Sephiroth . He was going through and killing people . Blood soaked the streets and poured from under the entrances of the homes there . People tried to run but Sephiroth was faster than they were , he killed them with one slice of his mighty sword . He turned and continued his massacre . Cloud and Nanaki ran from the room . " I 'm gonna get Raina , you try and get everyone out of here fast ! " Cloud shouted . Nanaki nodded and ran to Cosmo Candle . Sephiroth saw him and smiled slyly . He disappeared in a flash and reappeared just as fast behind Nanaki . He brought down his sword but only struck rocks . Nanaki pounced fiercely from the back and slashed his claws across Sephiroth 's face . Nothing happened ! Nanaki jumped back and watched in terror as Sephiroth stood again , no damage taken from his attack . Sephiroth smirked and made a swipe at Nanaki . Nanaki tried to dodge but the speed that the blade came at his with was to much . The brand slit Nanaki 's side and blood began to pour from the wound . Nanaki collapsed and began to pant heavily as blood began to pool around him . Sephiroth raised his Masamune above him and prepared to bring it down on Nanaki and kill him . But he couldn 't , Cloud was behind him holding the other end of the blade . Sephiroth spun around and saw him . " What , I thought I killed you ! How could you be here now ? ! " Sephiroth asked angrily . Cloud let the sword go and took out his own . The two faced each other with anger in their eyes . Like before , the sky grew dark and wind began to blow fiercely . Cloud stood his ground , as did Sephiroth . " You did . You also killed Aerith , Tifa , my kids , the people here and in Gongaga . And now I 'm gonna kill you , Sephiroth . The wind blew harder as the foes stood there , staring into each others eyes . Sephiroth showed no emotions on his face . Cloud gritted his teeth with anger . How could Sephiroth be so cold . What did he expect to get in killing others ? Cloud didn 't care , all he knew is that this had to end here and now . Cloud stepped forward a bit and tapped the end of Masamune . Sephiroth frowned . " I guess I just have to kill you again . And this time , no one can bring you back from where you will be sent . Prepare for your absolution , Cloud . " Sephiroth said and attacked swiftly , but missed ! He swung again and still missed . " What 's wrong , Sephy ? Can 't seem to hit me can you ? ! " Cloud said . Sephiroth attacked again and cut Cloud 's arm . A bit of blood trickled from the wound , nothing serious , Cloud could still fight perfectly . He then made his attack on Sephiroth , but only managed to cut Sephiroth 's cape . The ripped cloth fluttered away in the wind . Lighting was now flashing , like before . Soon the rain would begin to fall . Cloud made another attempt and this time his Sephiroth in the stomach . Blood gushed and Sephiroth fell to the ground . Then the Restore materia he had on his Masamune began to glow . The gaping wound closed up , but Sephiroth still wasn 't fully ready to fight . Cloud saw this and smashed Sephiroth down with the flat side of his Ultima Weapon . Sephiroth fell to the ground . " Oh , and all of those innocent people really had a chance against you ! ! ? ? Damn you , Sephiroth ! ! Damn you to hell ! ! " Cloud shouted and tried to hit Sephiroth again . But lighting shot down and struck Cloud to the ground . The Lightning materia on Sephiroth 's armor began to fade as the bolts disappeared . Cloud tried to stand , but couldn 't . The lightning hit him dead on and had paralyzed him for the time being . Sephiroth 's FullCure materia was now glowing and Sephiroth stood up , good as new . He walked over and kicked Cloud in the chest . Cloud rolled across the ground and Ultima slipped from his grasp . Cloud looked up and saw Sephiroth standing over him , lighting in the background created silhouettes . Sephiroth raised his sword over Cloud 's crippled body and prepared to slice Cloud 's body clean in half . But this time it wasn 't Cloud who stopped him . No one did . Sephiroth stood there , trying to move his arms forward , but to no avail . Then the ground began to split . The Lifestream burst forth and swirled around them . Many gathered around Cloud and began to pick him up and heal him . The rest went to Sephiroth and wrapped around his arms , holding him in place . Sephiroth struggled against it but couldn 't free himself from the grasps . Cloud stood and picked up his Ultima Weapon . " Now it 's your turn , Sephiroth . Your turn to die , but you won 't be back , ever . This is YOUR absolution . " Cloud said as he approached Sephiroth . He made a slash across Sephiroth 's abdomen and blood poured out . " That was for Tifa . " Cloud said through gritted teeth . He attacked again hitting Sephiroth in the chest , more blood spilled from the gash . " And that , that was for me . " Cloud said and stepped back . The ground below Sephiroth opened up and fire shot out . Wisps of it grabbed Sephiroth 's broken body and pulled them in . The fire shot up in a huge plume and the hole closed . The sky became light again and Cloud collapsed , breathing heavily . Nanaki came up and sat down next to him . " Sephiroth is dead , everything is ok now . But . . . that doesn 't bring back Tifa and my kids . They 're still down in the Lifestream . But I feel good knowing I avenged them , as well as everyone else who died . " Cloud said . He stood up and sheathed his sword . " Might as well head back to Midgar and set things straight there . See you later , Nanaki . " Cloud said and left . He had almost made it to the bottom when he heard a voice that sounded like Tifa , calling to him . He ignored it and figured it was just in his head . He walked a bit further and heard it again , this time it was louder . He stopped and spun around to see who it was . He looked up the stairs leading to Cosmo Canyon and saw a person standing in the light of the setting sun . Two more people came up to the person , but were shorter . Cloud recognized them now ! It was Tifa , Skye and Kyle ! Cloud ran up to meet them . " Tifa , you 're alive ! " Cloud said and hugged her tightly . He looked down and saw his two children smiling up at him . He picked them up and hugged the tightly . He could feel tears rolling down his face , he was so happy to see them again . He set them down and kissed Tifa passionately . He picked Skye up and set her on his shoulders . He waved to Nanaki and the four of them left . |
Hippies were a large part of the 60 's and 70 's , mostly because they were different and misunderstood . Now I 'm going to say right now that this is not a lecture about hippies . I 'm just stating the obvious that most people think of them whenever the 1970 's are mentioned . And to be honest I wouldn 't blame them , I mean I grew up through this strange decade where stories of Hippies and their use of drugs frightened parents across the U . S . of the message it would send to their children . In fact they were so frightened that they would believe almost any story they heard about the drugs , or the sex , or anything that circulated around this group of people . Well , I grew up in a small town in the New England area through the 70s . I 'd say it was a pretty normal town , it had a church , school , a few things to do here and there , and all that . It was a pretty tight - knit community too , I mean almost everybody knew each other , and if I ever went out on a walk I would make a friendly wave to at least five people . As with any small town there was gossip , a lot of gossip . It seemed that if a man picked up his daughter wrong , half the town would hear about it in a day . If I really wanted to hear any of the daily dirt on anyone all I would have to do is just get my hair cut down at the hair parlor . Jonathan Cambel was my name , Jim for short , and life in the town was pretty normal for me . Being roughly 17 at the time I could drive , giving me a little freedom . But mostly my day consisted of me getting up in the morning , getting to school ( Usually barely on time ) , just getting through the day from going through each class , never really attracted any attention because I was no major athlete , or some boy - genius . I was just a normal kid who averaged B 's on his report card and was nothing really special . After I got home from school there were a few things I would really do , either just watching whatever the hell was on television because I really wasn 't picky on what I watched . It was that , or just me playing baseball with the neighborhood kids . Other than that I really didn 't do anything special . I mainly had just three friends out of an entire class of 21 people . The first one that comes to mind right away would be Jerin . He was a daring , rebellious type kid . The thing that stuck out most about him was his long dark brown hair , and his thin muscular frame . You could dare him to do just about anything and he would probably do it , as long as it didn 't go against his morals . Lastly there was Tim , he was a pretty mild kid , not very daring but he still hung around with us . Hell of a Arcade player I 'll give you that . I don 't think any of us ever beat him in pong . The three of us when together were as thick as thieves , and it stayed that way all throughout high school it seemed . But in the summer of 1974 that changed . Jerin went out of town to live with his cousin 's for the summer . So for Tim , Erin , and I it was a pretty quiet summer , it was weird not hearing Jerin 's care - free voice mocking politics , or Eliza Dawson . Soon , school started back up again . No sign of Jerin . Erin and I would often start joking saying we should start checking ditches for his body . Tim of course , didn 't find it funny . School seemed normal , except for that the new latest ' Warning Fad ' had come back gain . It seemed that almost every year some kind of story about LSD would circle around the school and eventually the staff would get ahold of it and make a huge deal about it . We would get these daily lectures from my chemistry teacher about how LSD and all those other hippie drugs would fuck up our mind to the point that we would be burnt out druggies begging for another trip of acid . Whatever , I didn 't listen to them . I had no opinion on drugs at the time , I just knew that they were there and that people were doing them . This new Warning Fad that the school took up blew up way more than I expected . The way that the story went is that there were these Mickey Mouse temporary lick - and - stick tattoos would be soaked in LSD , and obviously when one licked it to apply it to their arm one would get the effects of LSD . Some of the effects listed seemed a little blown out of proportion , but others seemed to match what I heard about the drug before . But there was just something about the picture of this Mickey mouse dressed in his sorcerer 's apprentice or whatever it 's called outfit creeped me the fuck out . I would walk around the entire school and every time I turned a corner I would see the large ' WARNING ! ' then the mouse . I swore the little rat 's hollowed eyes would follow me as I walked down the hall , with that stupid smile and those blue stars that he was casting . Whatever though , that 's probably what the school official wanted right ? A poorly copied flyers hanging up all around the high school . Anyway , life went on , I went through school just like any other year . Jerin still wasn 't around , wherever he was I hoped that he was alright , and not actually dead in some ditch because to be honest , he has pissed a lot of people off in his life . There was just some kind of void in my life , as if something were missing without him around . I could say that the man was like the brother that I never had . I guess that 's part of why what went down over the course of these next three days happened . It was mid October , the leaves had all changed color ; it wasn 't too hot out or too cold . Needless to say I think that October is my favorite season . And after a long wait , Jerin finally showed up at school after what seemed like almost a year . When I heard all of the people in the school saying that Jerin was back , I automatically went to go see him along with Tim and Erin . " What do you think he 's been doing this whole time ? " Tim asked as we walked down the hall . " Who knows , he was probably fucking around with some college kids ! " Erin said . The two of them were conversational , I was just anxious to see my friend again . After what seemed to be a five - minute walk we finally found Jerin . Jerin was just leaned up against his locker , staring at the ceiling . The moment we saw him … I 'd say that we were mostly confused and curious . His appearance was different from when we last saw him . His hair , was even longer , and his skin was very pale , almost sick looking . He looked even more scrawny , and was wearing all these arm bands and necklaces . When we finally got the sense to say hello to him he didn 't even look at us , he just looked at the wall and said " Sup dudes . " . We asked him where the hell he was , and what he was doing this whole time . Jerin just said that he was just hanging around his cousins the entire time , and doing some pretty wild shit . He seemed to emphasize on the ' wild shit ' part of his little story . At the time I didn 't know what that meant . If I did , I probably wouldn 't have gotten into the shit that I was about to . Jerin was the talk of the school , some of the things he did while with his cousin 's soon spread . I don 't know how because apparently it was pretty far away . There would be so many tales of him hooking up with multiple women , smoking a bunch of dope , and just some wild things . There were even some tales of violence while he was high , about how he knocked some guy flat on the ground while he was tripping on acid . Personally I didn 't know what to believe , I had always known that Jerin was a wild , care - free person but I didn 't think he was this hardcore into the lifestyle ! During lunch that day , Erin , Tim , and I decided we should do something with Jerin just for old time sakes . We asked Jerin if we wanted to hang out after school and he kindly agreed to do so . Jerin told us to meet him behind his house , and so we agreed to do so . So , after school I got into my car with Tim , and we started to drive to Jerin 's place . Erin had his own car , so he drove himself there . I remember while driving Tim just had this weird look on his face , like he was concerned , and he kept this look on his face the entire drive . " Jerin 's … different … I don 't have a good feeling about this . " He finally said . I just shrugged it off and told him that it would be fine , and that Jerin was always different . Tim then was wondering if all the stories they heard about him were true . I didn 't reply to that … I didn 't know the answer to it . Eventually we arrived at Jerin 's house . I 'd say his house was a normal house . I looked to see that Erin had already pulled into the driveway , so I just parked on the street . Tim and I got out of the car , and approached Erin . We heard Jerin 's voice behind the house calling us to the backyard . Jerin 's voice seemed to guide us to the backyard , and I slowly approached his fence and hopped over it . In plain sight in the backyard was a tent that looked very old and unreliable . It was made of an ugly green color , looked kind of like something out of the army . Anyway Jerin told us to go into the tent . Reluctantly Tim , Erin , and I looked at each other and entered into this strange tent . Jerin quickly sat down in the tent on top of a suitcase , and so the rest of us sat down on the floor . " What the hell are we doing in here ? " I finally asked . " Just chill … Relax man . " Jerin replied calmly . Jerin got up off the suitcase , turned around and opened it . Words cannot describe the amount of shit that I saw in there , I think I finally realized just what the hell Jerin was doing over the summer . Jerin took out these little pieces of paper , and tossed one to each of us . Looking down at this little piece of paper I quickly figured out that it was a lick - and - stick tattoo . Almost fucking identical to the picture I saw on the warning pictures . " They call them ' Blue Stars ' " Jerin said . " I 've gotten past so many cops with these things , they just think they 're tattoos ! " " Fuck this . I 'm out of here ! " Erin said , he quickly got up and opened up to the tent flap , and turned around to Tim and I . " Come on guys , we 're leaving . " " Don 't be a fucking pussy , Erin . Are you scared of a little acid ? " Jerin said . Erin just shook his head , he was clearly upset . He got out of the tent , and closed the flab behind it and we heard him run off , and then his car driving off . " What about you two ? Are you guys gonna pussy out like Erin , and be a couple of fucking squares ? " " No … " Tim replied . I said nothing , I was just staring at the lick - and - stick tattoo . After sitting there for a couple seconds I finally just thought fuck it , and licked the damn tattoo . I can 't really say what kept me there , besides the fact that I just wanted to be with my old friend again , and at the time I guess we were both now heading down the shit together . Words cannot describe my first trip of acid . There were just all these colors , I couldn 't feel anything , everything was just … slower , more peaceful it seemed . Although the whole time I was on the stuff , I had this feeling in the back of my head that this wasn 't right . Also , I could have swore that I heard this strange care - free laughing in the background . But , I assumed it was one of the neighborhood kids and shrugged it off . I laid in that tent probably for a good hour , at least until the sun was setting and it was getting dark . Slowly , I pulled myself up , still seeing blury things , and strange colors . " Tim … come on , it 's getting late . " I said to Tim . Tim sat there for a second , he never blinked and he just had this blank stare like I wasn 't there . " Come on man … " I said to him . He finally started blinking , and I helped him up . " Guys , take a few of these . I got plenty to go around . " Jerin said , and he handed us 4 blue stars each . I then opened up the tent flab , and walked outside . The air was cool , and the night was calm . Although I still heard some kind of laughing sound , but I shrugged it off , knowing I was still high . Walking across the yard , I saw that every little source of light stuck out to me , and they were all changing colors and before I knew it all of the streetlights in the neighborhood became some sort of colorful lightshow for me . Tim followed very close behind me , he was so spaced out that I had to grab his arm and lead him into my car . I set him down into shotgun ( the seat , not gun ) and walked to the other side of the car . I opened up the car door and my eye glanced at the mirror on the side of the door . In the reflection of the mirror I saw a window from the house next to Jerin 's . Staring at me through the window of the home that was reflected from the mirror was a black and white Mickey mouse . He looked exactly the same as the one on the warning poster all around the school , and on the lick - and - stick tattoo . He just had that creepy smile on his face , and those hollow eyes that I swear followed me wherever I turned my head . Getting the scared , empty feeling in my stomach I got into my car and shut the door . I kept staring at the mirror , and seeing the mouse stare right back at me . I slowly turned my head over to Tim . " Do you see him ? " I asked him , while I was slowly shaking . Tim 's head just slowly turned over to me and he just stared at me . " It 's not real … it can 't be . " Is all that Tim said to me . Tim made a good point , it wasn 't real . I kept telling that to myself as I pushed the clutch down , and shifted into first gear and drove off . I reached over to the radio and turned it on . The usual songs were playing , just care - free rock . I drove Tim to his house and dropped him off . He was still pretty spaced out , it looked like he could barely walk . The shit must have hit him harder than it hit me . The laughing sent a chill down my spine , and I finally turned it off . This LSD trip was getting fucked up , but I could see the colors from the street lights fading away so I knew that the trip must be close to be over . I finally got home , and went to bed . My folks were already asleep so I didn 't have to worry about them seeing me high , though I would have some explaining to do in the morning . The next morning I quickly got up , threw on a shirt and some jeans and walked out . When my folks asked where the hell I was last night I told them that I was with Jerin , Tim , and Erin . I left out the part that I got high on acid , and they seemed to believe me . School was quiet that day . Jerin wasn 't at school , neither was Erin or Tim . As I walked down the hallway the chatter went silent , and I got the feeling that people were staring at me . Erin came to school right around noon , looking like he barely got any sleep . I tried to talk to him but he just ignored me , walked right past me . Finally , when I was determined enough to talk to Erin I finally cornered him in the hallway and asked him what the hell was up . I told him I understood that he was mad at me but he had no reason to ignore me . " You don 't get it , do you Jim ? You , Tim , and Jerin are the talk of the school right now . Everyone 's saying that you guys do all this crazy shit and deal drugs ! " Erin said . " That doesn 't fucking matter , I don 't want to be involved in any of that shit ! " Erin said , he then pushed me aside and walked away . I didn 't speak to anyone in the school for the rest of the day . I sat in my car for a bit , deciding what I was going to do next . My eyes slowly turned to my glove compartment , where I stored the blue stars . Just one more hit couldn 't hurt anything right ? Knowing that I could quit almost anytime that I wanted to I got down , opened up the glove compartment and grabbed one of the blue stars . This one didn 't have the fucked - up Mickey Mouse on it though , instead the Dallas Cowboys logo . I gave the blue star a good licking , then tossed it out of the car and drove off , heading straight to Jerin 's house . As I drove , my chest started to feel fuzzy , and my vision began to blur . I could have sworn that I saw black shaded figures standing in the middle of the road . I ended up slamming my breaks for one of them , and they just vanished right in front of my eyes . Every time I would see one of these guys out of the corner of my eye I would slam the breaks , eventually I almost got rear - ended by a car . Realizing that driving was too dangerous for me right now , I pulled the car off to the side of the rode next to the curb , and got out . It was a short walk from here to Jerin 's , and it wasn 't that bad of a day out but I kept fucking hearing this deranged high - pitched laughing , and then I would always see this shadow figure out of the corner of my eye that would be gone when I turned over to see it . I saw this figure so many times that I found myself running as fast as I could to Jerin 's place , with this shadow figure appearing in front of me , behind me , to the left of me , to the right of me . He was everywhere , and I couldn 't escape him ! With Jerin 's house in sight , I broke full sprint until suddenly the figure appeared right in front of me , just standing straight tall , and being as dark as a shadow . I kept thinking to myself that it 's not real , and how I would never trip LSD ever again ! Slowly , I raised up my left arm and tried to touch this thing , it just went right through it . It suddenly became all blurry , and slowly faded away . Creepy shit it was , but I worked through it and ran into Jerin 's house . The floor that I was on was mostly empty , it was obvious that his parents weren 't home . I could hear all these voices in the basement , and I followed them into the basement . " Jimmy my man ! Come take a seat ! " Jerin yelled up . He was sitting in the center of his basement , surrounded by at least 6 people from my grade that I didn 't especially know that well . I sat down next to Jarin and took a good look around . All of these people were either laying down on their backs staring at the ceiling , or licking the hell out of these blue stars . ' Shit ' I thought to myself , I knew this wasn 't good . Sitting down there in that basement I don 't think I ever had tripped out worse than that . I could keep hearing these little whispers from all around me , I would ask some of the people around me if they said anything but they would always reply that they didn 't say anything . The walls of the room began to close in on me it felt , and the room seemed to shake , making me collapse on my back . I could feel my breathing getting heavier and heavier , the room getting tighter , and tighter . Soon , all the light in the room began to fade away from me . The laughter of all the people around me became louder , and louder . Then , suddenly everything went black . And I was soon met by silence . I heard that deranged hysterical laughing again , and I opened my eyes after what seemed like only a minute . I got up , and looked around the room . All of the lights were off , and everyone was gone except for Jerin who was laying down on the couch staring at the ceiling . Clearly it had gotten late again , the sun wasn 't out anymore . Feeling like shit , I slowly pulled myself off the ground and headed for the stairs , trying to ignore this huge headache I had . " Where are you going ? " Jerin asked me . Jerin didn 't say anything , he just waved me goodbye . I walked up his stairs and out of his house , by now the acid had worn off so everything looked normal again . After walking five long , cold blocks I made it into my car . I got into the drivers seat , checked my mirrors and radio , and there was nothing creepy going on . Motivated never to do LSD again , I reached over to my glove compartment . I pulled down the handle , and heard the clicks and the glove compartment opened . I grabbed the three blue stars that I had , and dropped them out of the car , deciding that I was done with that shit , I don 't want my mind fucked with anymore . Putting the car into first gear , then second I took my time driving home , I even took the long route that went past Tim 's house . The night was dark , and it seemed that you could see even the faintest light through it . As I drove up Grove Street , and got ready to turn I noticed that there were flashing red and blue lights to the right of me , on the same street that Tim lived on . Curious as I usually was , I turned my car over and drove past them . In front of Tim 's house were three cop cars , all empty but with the siren lights flashing still . Lifting my foot off the gas , pushing in the clutch and shifting into first gear I slowly went by Tim 's house . Tim 's yard and house seemed empty , when suddenly the door opened and Sheriff Godfrey came out with Tim and 5 other officers , Tim being handcuffed of course . Why the hell were the arresting Tim ? He had done nothing wrong , if anything I 'd say Jerin would be booked for supplying drugs , but not Tim ! All of these were thoughts that went through my head as I watched Tim be pushed into the back of a police cruiser . I drove off , looking as ordinary as I could , before shifting into 3rd gear and racing to my house . I pulled the car into my driveway as fast as I could , then unbuckled the seatbelt and raced out of the car , sprinting inside of the house . I was immediately greeted by the yelling of my mother and father of them demanding to know where I was and what I was doing . Ignoring them , I grabbed the telephone , unplugged it , and went and locked myself in my room where I plugged it in . Quickly , but carefully , I dialed Jerin 's number . Listening to the beeping of it trying to contact Jerin 's house , seemed like hours until it was finally picked up . " Hello ? " Jerin said . " Dude , I just saw Tim being arrested ! " " Dude , they think that we 're drug dealers or something man ! Word 's spread around town and - " Jerin 's voice was cut off by the sound of police sirens outside . " Oh shit … Fuck this , I 'm ditching man . Dude , ditch your home and hide ! Meet me at Erin 's place tomorrow at 6 PM ! " Jerin yelled into the phone , before I heard it get slammed onto the ground . I hung up , and got to work quickly . I threw on a sweater and Jacket , and a few snacks and escaped my room through my window . I could hear the police sirens slowly approaching my house so I ran as far , and as fast as I could through my neighbors yards . I ran until I was out of breath , and then I just walked until I reached the edge of the woods . I just barely entered the woods , to the point that I could see town , but it would be hard for them to see me . Exhaustion had gotten to me by then , and I was all jittery and I still felt like shit from the acid . Looking up at the stars , I slowly closed my eyes and went to sleep . I 'd say that was the longest night of my life . Not knowing what was going to happen next , and being hunted by the police for something that I didn 't even do . For the rest of the night and day I just laid behind that tree , consistently checking my watch . Six PM was the only thing going through my mind , and what would happen at Erin 's house . I knew he wouldn 't be happy to see us , especially Jerin , but it was something that I had to do . When you 're alone , and in the dark of the woods you realize that being alone and scared sucks . After waiting what felt like days , it was finally six PM . I began to journey through backyards to Erin 's home . After about 10 minutes I finally reached it . I went inside to see Erin sitting on his couch , looking pissed . " What the fuck do you want huh ? " Erin asked me . I got to Jerin 's house , and went inside . The place was ransacked , furniture was thrown all over the place , there were broken lights , the table was broken in half , and all the drawers were thrown all over the place . I called out Jerin 's name , but heard nothing back . Everything was silent , but I heard was sounded like someone breathing weak , and painfully with this wheezing sound . Slowly I approached the dining room , and walked into it . In the corner of the room sat Jerin 's mother , lifeless . Her eyes were closed , and her head was facing the ground , she had multiple knife wounds on her . " J … imm . . y " I heard from the other side of the room , followed by that painful breathing and wheezing . Slowly , I turned my head over to the sound . Laying on the ground was Jerin 's father , there was a broken chair lying next to him and it looks like he had been badly beaten and stabbed . I ran up to him and immediately asked who did this . Jerin 's father closed his eyes . " Jerin … he thought we took his things … we didn 't though … I tried to stop him . " he said . Just then , the wheezing noise stopped , and he stopped breathing . Chills traveled down the back of my spine , and I was met with this cold , empty feeling . I had never seen anyone die before … especially like this . A fear soon came to me , I knew that Jerin did this , I always heard stories about how violent he was when he was on , or off his drugs , I just couldn 't believe he went this far . " Erin ! " I yelled , quickly realizing that my friend could be in danger . There was no time to loose , I ran out into the driveway and went into Jerin 's father 's car , it still had the keys in it . I turned on the ignition , backed out of the driveway and speeded to Erin 's house , every block went by fast , I didn 't even stop for traffic , I think the only thing going faster than this car was my heartbeat that felt that it could burst out of my chest any minute . I sped into Erin 's driveway and slammed the breaks . The breaks didn 't slow down the car enough however , and I went right through the garage door . I got out of the car and ran into Erin 's house , met by the same silence that was in Jerin 's house . " ERIN ! " I screamed as I ran down the hallway . I heard a window shatter , and I followed the noise into the bathroom . There , Erin laid face down on the bathroom floor , with multiple stab wounds on the back of his neck . I remember screaming as loud as I could . I don 't remember what I screamed , I think it might have been Jerin 's name . Then , I heard the sound of Jerin 's car turn on , and pull out of the driveway . I chased after the car , running out of the house and into the street . " Jerin ! " I screamed , as I jumped onto the back of the car he was driving . He started to speed up , and then he slammed the brakes and I was thrown onto the hood of his car , and then into the ground . He then drove around me and sped off , heading north . Luckily for me , I think that the car hood broke most of my fall , I had a pain in my back but it wasn 't anything serious . I knew , there was only one place Jerin was heading to if he was going North . We had gone there plenty of times in our childhood , and it was always our hiding spot if we ever were in trouble . The old abandoned meat packing plant . It was shut down for at least 40 years due to the company going bankrupt , along with plenty of accidents in the factory . I 'm honestly surprised nobody bought the property yet , but I guess taking out all that equipment and demolishing the building would cost too much . Anyway , I found my car at my home , and I drove off . I had to confront Jerin . It had to be me , nobody else . After a 15 minute drive through the forest I finally came upon the abandoned meat packing plant . The building was old , and it was clearly falling apart . All of the white paint on the outside of it was all chipping off , and all the metal on the building was rusted . I 'm surprised it 's lasted this long , and I 've always thought the place was haunted . I entered into the plant through the front door . " Jerin ! " I called out . I could hear the faint noise of music at the back of the plant . I started to slowly walk through the old , crappy building . There was crap all over the floor , from pigeon droppings , to rusty metal , to pieces of ceiling . I kept calling out Jerin 's name , and the sound of the rock music just kept going . Jerin was probably in the manager 's office , that was the spot he liked to hang out at whenever we were here before . It would be simple enough getting to there , the only problem was that I didn 't know the exact way to it , and I had to enter though a maze of rusted and broken machines . The rusty beams that went across the ceiling looked like they could barely take the weight , and there was pigeon crap all over it . I continued through this forgotten place , and I passed a few large wheels that went into the floor . Listening for even the slightest sound , I heard this loud banging noise , and then that fucking high pitched laughing ! Knowing that I needed to keep calm , I tried to ignore it the best that I could . Ahead of me was a large box - shaped machine , I climbed on top of it and saw that I was almost to the end of the processing section . Eventually I made it to the end of the room , and I entered through the meat storage part of the facility . Rusty meat hooks hung from these abandoned freezers , and they slowly rocked back and fourth , making this creaking noise of it rocking back and fourth , back and fourth . I kept hearing these footsteps on the floor above me , but when I finally made my way upstairs no one was up there . Was Jerin playing some kind of fucking sick game with me ? I called out Jerin 's name again , and again , still no reply . But I could hear that fucking radio growling louder each step , hearing this long guitar solo from this radio that was slowly dying . Eventually after walking through this section I found the staircase that led up a floor . Stopping to catch my breathe for a second , I heard whispers from the room to the right of me . Not wanting to stay on this floor any longer , I went up the floor where I heard the music directly in front of me . The floor that I was on was in the worst condition , there was graffiti on the walls , holes in the floor . Every time I took a step I could hear the floor creak , and hear the beams below me sound like they were going to give out . I started to check each room up here , and in one room I even found shitty mattresses with some bongs next to them . The radio was as loud as it could be , and it was dying . The sound began to slowly fade , and come back , and fade , and come back . I followed it until I finally came to a room with some light in it . There sat Jerin , leaning back in his chair , smoking a joint and staring at the ceiling . I opened up the door and took a good look at him . He was covered in blood , his wrist had cuts all under them , and he had blue star tattoos all over him , on his face , arms , hands , and even on his ankles . On a desk next to him was a bloody kitchen knife . " Jerin … " I said to him . His head slowly turned to me , and he moved the chair to face me . He just stared at me , and slowly got up , and reached for his knife . " Why did you do it … what the fuck is wrong with you ? ! " I yelled at him . He never said anything , he just stared at me . Jerin 's eyes were so glassy I could see my own reflection in them . I started to back up , as Jerin slowly treaded toward me with a limp . The blood from his wrist slowly dripped onto the floor each step . The radio on the desk suddenly had a jolt of life , and the song Helter Skelter by the Beatles came on very suddenly . I stared at Jerin as I backed up , his eyes soon got this angry , pissed off look and his teeth started to grind together . His breathing grew harder and harder each step . I backed out of the door on the other side of the office , that led to a catwalk that went above the entire production part of the factory . Below me , I could see all of the rusty machines , and the floor that seemed so far down . The catwalk creaked every step , and I swear it could give out at any moment . Jerin was no longer limping , now he was increasing his speed . He finally lunged at me and tackled me to the ground . I let out a scream as my back hit the rusty surface of the catwalk , and the entire catwalk shook when we both landed , as if it were going to give out any second . Jerin looked me dead in the eyes , and slowly raised his knife up into the air . " Don 't do it ! " I yelled up at Jerin . Just then a loud scraping of metal noise was made , followed by a loud screeching noise . The support beams of the front of the catwalk finally gave out , and Jerin , then me started tumbling down the catwalk that was now diagonal to the ground . I heard a loud ' THUD ' , and then I hit something softer than metal or concrete . Realizing I was alive , I took a deep breathe , and looked up . I was laying against Jerin 's body , and next to Jerin 's head was a pool of blood . He had unintentionally broken my fall when he must have hit the ground head first . I got up , and I could still hear the radio blasting the song Helter Skelter in the background until it finally died . I swore I still heard whispers , and even a high pitched laughing , followed by the sounds of Sirens in the background . Walking outside , I put my hands up , and got down on my knees . The sheriff quickly came out , ranting something and I was soon handcuffed . They asked me where Jerin was , and I told them that he was inside the factory , dead , and the entire story of what happened . As I sat in the back of the police car , I waited for them to bring a body out . They never did , I was told that all they found was a puddle of blood on the ground next to the lower section of the catwalk . I was told that the reason Jerin attacked me was more than likely that he saw me as someone else because he was all fucked up on drugs . Honestly I can 't say what caused it … maybe it was the Blue Stars . Sometimes though as I lay down at night in my cell , I swear I still hear that high pitched laughing . |
When Noah was loading the animals onto the ark , he made sure he took as many as the ark would hold , and then some . That meant that there was very little space for any personal possessions . But , however tightly you pack a space , there 's always room for a ukulele and Noah found he could take two . Nicholas stared out of the window at the night sky , unable to sleep . " How did it come to this ? " he wondered . It had started out so well - being nice to children , giving them little gifts , bringing a bit of magic and joy into their little lives . The big mistake was teaming up with that dastardly deer , Rudi " The Nose " . If only he hadn 't listened to Dasher and Dancer , he thought , but he couldn 't really blame them . Like him , they weren 't getting any younger and it seemed like children demanded more each year . It was a struggle to get everything done , and there was little joy in the work . So when Dasher and Dancer mentioned this reindeer they had met at a special club they belonged to , Nicholas agreed to meet him and hear his ideas . Rudi made it sound so easy . He would provide a bigger sleigh and a couple of extra reindeer to help pull it . Greater speed and greater capacity would get the job done with less effort . When , next Christmas , Rudi suggested an even larger sleigh , Nicholas didn 't need convincing . The next winter , elves started knocking on the workshop door , looking for casual work . They came just at the right time , when Nicholas was wondering how he would ever source and wrap the huge number of presents the children were asking for , let alone load them onto the sleigh in a sensible order . The elves were a god - send , or perhaps , a little voice whispered within him , a deer - send . Before long , Nicholas 's latest sleigh was so big that he had to employ nine reindeer to pull it . He also had fifteen elves on permanent staff throughout the year . Not only did he have to pay their wages , but he had paid for a new cabin to be built for them to live in . Well , he hadn 't paid for it yet . Like always , Rudi 's terms had been very attractive , if rather vague , and Nicholas was sure that his expanding enterprise would soon start turning a profit . At least , he had been sure . But each year , the costs seemed to increase . It wasn 't just the elves and their cabins , the extra reindeer and the upgrades to the sleigh and the vast industrial facility they still quaintly called the workshop . Children who , long ago , had been happy with nuts , oranges and sweets in a stocking , now wanted electronics and all sorts of expensive gadgets , leaving huge plastic sacks out for Nicholas to fill . When Rudi started to mention getting some return on his investment and started to mention numbers , Nicholas was stunned . He hadn 't noticed how much he 'd let things get out of hand . Rudi started getting a lot less pleasant . The elves started complaining about their pay and conditions . Even the reindeer became surly and Nicholas was sure they were calling him names . It seemed that Rudi had some kind of hold on them all . Nicholas couldn 't help feeling it had something to do with that strange , almost - glowing , red nose of his . It was the night before Christmas Eve and Nicholas couldn 't sleep , he was so worried . As he lay in his bed , looking through the window at the stars , one star seemed to shine more brightly , as if it were calling to him . He tip - toed past the snoring elves and through the workshop , piled high with toys and games , computers and TVs , all destined for children 's bedrooms in a few hours ' time . Past the sleeping reindeer , and he was outside in the silence of the night . There was the star ! Nicholas walked along the path made in the snow by the star 's light until he came to a cave . In the cave were three men kneeling in front of a feeding trough . In the trough was a baby , and the light shining from the baby was brighter than any star ( or any reindeer 's nose , for that matter ) . Nicholas watched as the three men offered presents to the baby . Nicholas crept in and knelt beside them . " I 'm sorry , " he whispered . " I 'm so sorry . I had forgotten who it was all for . Every gift was for you . Every child was you . And I 've forgotten that . I 've forgotten what love looks like and what love looks for . " As Nicholas knelt in front of the baby , his tears rolling down onto the ground , he felt a hand touch his shoulder . It was the child 's mother . She gently helped him up , wiped his face , kissed his cheek and turned him towards the workshop . " Thank you , " he said . Nicholas knew what he had to do . Around the back of the workshop , Nicholas quietly opened the door of a tumble - down shed . With all his strength he pulled out the old sleigh . Once on the snow , the going was easier and by the time the sun started to rise , Nicholas was well on his way , away from Rudi , away from the elves , away from the gleaming piles of stuff , away to a new life with nothing but an empty sleigh and a heart so full he thought it might burst . The presents still arrive in children 's bedrooms every Christmas Eve , just like before . Children still write their lists and dream of a jolly man in red coming down the chimney with a sack full of toys . Whether the toys are actually delivered by a jolly man in red or by an over - worked elf on a tight schedule , no one is awake to see . Meanwhile , sometimes , and not only at Christmas , a young woman at her wits ' end to see any option other than the streets will awaken to find a small bag of money next to her pillow . Sometimes , sailors who have survived a terrible storm will tell tall tales about seeing a man through the spray , standing on the prow , pointing at a star that guided the ship to safety . Sometimes , a prisoner , wrongly accused , will be awoken and told that her fine has been paid and she can go free . Sometimes , a child who hasn 't eaten for days will discover an orange and some nuts in their shoes in the morning . Author AlexPosted on December 16 , 2015Categories StoriesTags Christmas , StoriesLeave a comment on Saving Santa The Little Hen 's Egg I 'm going to tell this story to the pre - school children tomorrow . Against the background of my current reading about a Steady State Economy ( " Enough is Enough " - Rob Dietz & Dan O ' Neill ) , it feels appropriate . So - are you sitting comfortably ? Then I 'll begin … Once upon a time , there was a little hen . She lived on a farm with a cow , a sheep and a goat . Not far from the farm there lived a fox . One day , the little hen laid an egg . It was her very first egg . Because it was her first egg , she wasn 't quite sure what to do with it . The cow , the sheep and the goat were very excited about the little hen 's egg , but the hen didn 't see why . So when the fox came along and offered to swap her egg for a nice fat wriggly worm , the little hen didn 't see why not , and said ' Yes ' . When the cow and the sheep and the goat found out about this , they were horrified . They said , ' How could you be so silly ? Your egg is worth a lot more than a worm . You shouldn 't have sold it to the fox . ' So the hen , the cow , the sheep and the goat went to see the fox . The little hen said , ' Please could I have my egg back ? ' The fox said - ' No ' . The little hen was really upset to hear this . By now , she really wanted her egg back . But the animals could see that they would have to think of a really clever plan . So the cow and the sheep and the goat put their heads together and hatched a really clever plan . They found a big , round stone at the edge of the farmyard . In fact , it looked a little bit egg shaped . Then they found a pot of white paint in a corner of the barn . They painted the stone and rolled it out to where the fox lived . They said , ' Will you swap this enormous white egg for that tiny little brown one ? ' The greedy fox licked his lips . He thought to himself , ' These animals must be really stupid ' . He gave them the little hen 's egg and then , with all his strength , he lifted the big white stone egg into a pan of water he had ready . The cow and the sheep and the goat took the egg back to the little hen . She was delighted . She took her egg to the barn and sat on it until , a few days later , out popped a little chicken . You know Dasher & Dancer , Prancer and Vixen , Comet and Cupid , Donner and Blitzen . But do you recall Robert the Reindeer ? No ? Well there 's a very good reason for that . . . Robert the reindeer was out with the herd in Lapland , grazing on some lovely moss . The snow was falling thick and fast . Then the snow fell thicker and faster . Then the snow fell the thickest and the fastest that any reindeer had ever seen snow fall . Robert looked up from the snowy moss and he couldn 't see a thing except for snow . He thought he had better find the rest of the herd . He walked through the snow storm to where the other reindeer had been grazing , but he didn 't find them . Robert kept walking and walking , hoping to find his friends , but they were nowhere to be seen . One day he came across a man and a woman sitting by the roadside . There was a donkey standing near them , with her head hanging down . In fact , they all looked very fed up . " Well , I 'm trying to find my friends , " said Robert . " But I don 't mind taking these poor people where they need to go . Then I can carry on with my search . " The next evening , they arrived at a little village . The man knocked on the door of several houses , but the people didn 't seem very friendly . In the end they found a stable and the woman gave birth there on a pile of hay . Robert heard some beautiful singing and he looked out of the doorway . There in the sky was the most beautiful star , and it seemed to be singing to Robert . He felt that he had to walk in the direction of the star , so he set off . Robert walked and walked . He rested in the daytime , so that he could follow the star at night . As he walked , it got colder and colder . One day , Robert saw a reindeer , and then another reindeer , and then another . He was back with his friends in Lapland ! They were really pleased to see each other again . Back in Bethlehem , no one knew what a reindeer was . So when people told the story about Jesus being born in a stable , they cut out the bit about the reindeer and pretended that the donkey had taken Mary all the way . They thought it wasn 't a very important detail , because that 's the way many people think about animals , and Robert the reindeer was soon forgotten . But God had seen everything . God had seen how , even though Robert wanted to find his friends , he had chosen to help a poorly donkey and a man and a woman in need . Because of Robert the reindeer , God 's son had been born in the right place , and God was very pleased about that . So God gave Robert the reindeer a special present . And because God didn 't want to cause the reindeer any problems , he gave the same special present to all the reindeer , and they were all delighted . Author AlexPosted on December 23 , 2013Categories StoriesTags Christmas , reindeerLeave a comment on Reindeer The Christmas Wolf There 's a little voice in my head asking what 's wrong with the Christmas stories in the Bible , that I feel the need to write new ones . But I can hardly hear that little voice , because of a much louder voice howling like a wolf - " Aarroooooo ! " Here 's this year 's story … ( The biblical background is Isaiah 11 . 1 - 9 ) Suddenly , the sky grew bright as if the sun had risen in the middle of the night , and the wolf slipped behind the rock . He could hear a voice , but he couldn 't understand human speech - although the voice didn 't sound like any human he 'd heard before . Then there was some singing , and then everything went quiet and dark and normal again . The wolf peered around the rock and was delighted to see that the shepherds were walking down the hillside towards the village - every single one of them - leaving the sheep completely unprotected . The wolf couldn 't believe his luck ! That lamb was his for the taking . He started slinking slowly out of the shadows , towards the flock of sheep . But then , as if out of nowhere , a big old wolf blocked his way . The young wolf felt very frustrated . " I am weak with hunger , " he pleaded , " and I am frightened of men , with their slings and their sticks . The men have gone . Surely God has given that lamb to me . Let me eat . " The old wolf shook his shaggy mane , making himself seem even bigger than before . He said , " The men have gone to see God 's son , who has been born tonight in the village . God has sent them to worship the baby . God is looking after his sheep tonight . " " That 's why the baby has been born , " said the old wolf gently . " The baby is God come into the world to make peace . Peace between God and the world , and peace between all God 's creatures . Tell me - do you enjoy being frightened ? Do you enjoy being feared ? " No , " admitted the young wolf . " I do not enjoy fear from either side of it . But it is the way the world is . It has always been like that and always will be . " " It is the way the world is , " said the old wolf , " because the world is broken by fear . This baby makes peace . He will heal the world and make it new . The wolf will live in peace with the lamb , the leopard with the goat , the calf with the lion , and a little child will lead them . That child in Bethlehem - he will lead the world to peace . " " That is a wonderful thought , " said the young wolf . " Tonight , in honour of God and his baby son , I will live in peace with that lamb . " And he bowed his head low . When he lifted his head , the old wolf was nowhere to be seen . There wasn 't even a paw - print in the frost . But the young wolf knew that he had been in the presence of God . He didn 't feel hungry and frightened any more . He felt a warm glow of life within him and he leapt up onto the rock and lifted his head to the stars . Elijah said to the angel , ' That 's easy enough for you to say . You don 't have to live here , day after day . You don 't have to make your way through this miserable , mixed - up world . You don 't have to deal with the same stubborn , godless people every day . You don 't have to try to live a good , godly life amongst all the sin and wickedness and debauchery and devil - may - care partying . You don 't live my kind of life . You can just breeze in , deliver your message , and shoot off back to heaven . ' Elijah said , ' Look . All the things I 've said about you , I could say about God . This rotten world 's going down the drain . Everyone hates each other . Relationships are breaking down . There 's dreadful poverty right next to fantastic wealth and no - one seems to care . No - one 's bothered about God . What does God really know as he peers down from his lofty throne ? What does God really know about what life on this planet is actually like ? How can God love us when he does nothing to help us except send angels now and then to say , " God loves you . " There comes a point when words just aren 't enough . What we need is action . So don 't you stand there saying your piece over and over again . Clear off ! ' The angel fluttered to the entrance of the cave , safely out of Elijah 's reach . He said , ' God loves you , Elijah . God loves everyone , and he 's going to prove it . He is going to do something , and I 'm going to show you what it is . Watch this space . ' And the angel disappeared . Elijah stared at the mouth of his cave . Suddenly it started to snow . ' That 's odd for this time of year , ' said Elijah . ' Must be God . ' But God wasn 't in the snowstorm . ' You 're wasting my time ! ' shouted Elijah above the din . Then he heard a choir of thousands of angels singing their hearts out . ' Now that 's more like it , ' thought Elijah . But God wasn 't even in the angels ' singing . Suddenly , all the noise went quiet , and the snow stopped falling . The snow on the ground melted and made everything muddy . Elijah strained his eyes in the darkness and his ears in the silence . All he could hear was , very faintly , the crying of a baby . And God was in the crying . Elijah wrapped his cloak around him and went out to the entrance of his cave . ' It 'll never work , ' he said to the darkness and the silence . ' It 'll never work . The risks are too great . Anyway , how can a baby save the world and prove anything about God 's love ? The whole idea 's cock - eyed . Now , those thousands of angels - that was on the right track . But a baby … ? ' FC : Good to have an excuse to get out of my workshop . The real elves ( no offence ( none taken ) ) are driving me mad - always under my feet and chat chat chat chat chat . I long for some peace and quiet . I 'm getting old , you know . Too old , perhaps . Elf : Take the weight off your feet & have a rest . You 've been doing this job for a long time , Father Christmas . Just how old are you ? FC : They are , but I didn 't think so then . Back then , I was in a different line of work - still magical but different . There was me and two others in a partnership , looking at the stars and re - telling the stories they told . One night , we saw this incredible star - one we hadn 't seen before , and as we stared at it and tried to listen to it , we started to think the most amazing thought . God was up to something , something that would change the world . FC : In its own way , yes . The trouble was , as we looked at it , it started to move west . We lost sight of it and quickly packed some bags of supplies and set off to find the star again . Every night we found it and followed it as it moved , all the time with the thought growing in our minds that it was leading us to a baby - a baby born to be a King - a baby sent from God . FC : No , but the king was very helpful . He asked his advisors and they looked in the bible and said that we should look in a village not far away , called Bethlehem . And when we left the palace , the sky had cleared , and there was the star again ! FC : Yes . It was moving south towards Bethlehem . But we suddenly realised that we were about to visit the most amazing child ever born - a baby sent from God - and we had nothing to give him . FC : We went back into the city and sold our camels . ( In those days I didn 't know there was such an animal as a reindeer . I 'd rather have a reindeer than a camel any day . ) Anyway , with the money , we bought some gifts for the baby . Well - the others bought gifts - incense and myrhh - but I thought the money might be more useful , and decided I 'd give him the gold coins I 'd been paid for my camel . FC : Yes , but it wasn 't very far , and the next night , the star stopped over this mean little house - more of a stable really - full of animals . But there , inside , was the baby and his mother . There was a man there too , but I don 't think he was the father , because we knew , as soon as we saw the child , that this baby was God 's own son , and all we could do was fall to our knees in front of him and worship . Elf : This is a really amazing story . Are you sure it 's true ? Were you really there for the birth of Jesus ? Are you telling me that one of the three wise men became Father Christmas ? FC : Well , Alex , hmm , I think it 's true , but then I 'm very old and I 've heard a lot of stories in my long life and sometimes I think I get the stories a bit muddled . But one thing I know is true is that there was a baby born in Bethlehem all those years ago who was God 's son , and he showed the world how much God loves everyone . And another thing I know is true - every time I leave a proper present by the bedside of a sleeping child , I look at each of their faces and I think of that baby in Bethlehem . I remember Jesus in that little hut , lying in the straw , and I think how much God must love these children , that he would become like them - even the poorest of them . And I wonder what they will do with the gifts God gives them and if they will become like him ? Wouldn 't the world be amazing if children grew up to be like Jesus ? And so all I want to do is visit them on a special night and help them to believe that they are special - because God loves them . Author AlexPosted on December 6 , 2012Categories Stories , WorshipTags Christmas , Faith , Jesus , worshipLeave a comment on Santa the Wise Man The Old Woman and the Tree Once upon a time an old woman moved into a new house . She wasn 't a very nice woman . She was rude and unfriendly and didn 't have any friends . Her new neighbours soon gave up trying to be kind to her , as she was just mean and nasty in return . In the garden of the woman 's house , there was a little tree . It didn 't look very nice - the leaves were blotchy , there were branches broken off and there was ivy growing up the trunk . The old woman had never cared for anyone in her life , but there was little point being rude to a tree . So she pulled off the ivy . She pruned off the broken branches , leaving just two spindly little ones . She watered it every day with old tea and tealeaves from her teapot . The little tree started to look a bit healthier . That summer , just one apple appeared on one of the branches . " Ah - it 's an apple tree , " said the old woman . When it was ripe , she picked the apple and ate it . It was delicious . Later that day , the old woman went to post a letter . On her way she passed her next - door neighbour , and , before she knew what she was doing , she said , " Good afternoon , Mrs . Brown . Isn 't it a lovely day . You 're looking very well today . " It was hard to say which woman was more surprised , but both of them went on their way feeling happier . A week later , the old woman saw a pear on the other branch of the little tree . " How odd , " she said to herself . " Perhaps it 's a pear tree after all . " As the pear looked nice and ripe , she picked it and ate it . It was just right - not too hard , not too soft , but sweet and juicy . Later that day , the old woman went to the bank . She didn 't like going to the bank , and , as usual , there was a long queue . Normally , she became very irritated in a long queue and made lots of impatient comments and sighed loudly and so on . But today , she just didn 't feel like doing that . To her surprise , she found herself humming a little tune , and thinking about the other people in the queue and the bank clerks behind the counter who were looking hassled . When it was her turn and the clerk said , " Sorry to keep you waiting , " the old woman just said , " That 's alright . You 're very busy today . " Then she went home still humming and feeling quite happy . A week later , the old woman noticed a banana growing on the little tree . " Now , that is very odd , " she thought to herself . She looked a little closer and it seemed to her that the little tree was a slightly different shape . Its two branches looked thicker , somehow , and not so grey . And it was definitely a banana - nice and yellow and ready to eat . So she ate it and it was delicious . Later that day , the old woman was going out to the shops when she saw a pigeon on the pavement and the pigeon didn 't fly away . " It looks like its wing is broken , " said the old woman , and so it was . Now , the old woman didn 't like animals and , in particular , she didn 't like pigeons . But , to her surprise , she found herself gently picking up the pigeon , putting it into her shopping basket and , rather than turn left to the shops , she turned right and took the pigeon to the vet . The vet put a splint on the pigeon 's broken wing , and told the old woman how she could care for it while it got better . And that 's what she did , without a single grumble . She felt sad when the pigeon was better and flew away , but deep down she felt a sense of satisfaction and pleasure . Well , all that summer and autumn , the little tree kept producing a different fruit every week . A nectarine , then an orange , then a grapefruit , then a plum , then a grape . By the time the old woman picked a lemon in October , she thought that the little tree was looking almost human . She knew that she was changing , too , with every fruit she ate from the little tree . She was becoming more loving , more patient , kinder , gentler , peaceful - she was becoming a better person and , for the first time in her life , she felt happy . But one morning , the old woman looked out of her window and the little tree had gone . " Oh no ! " she cried . " My lovely little tree ! " and she burst into tears . Just then there was a knock on her back door . The old woman opened the door and there stood a boy . He looked strangely familiar , dirty and , frankly , a little mossy . " Hello , " he said . " I wonder if you could please spare me something to eat . I feel like I haven 't eaten for ages " . " Of course , " said the old woman , and , drying her eyes on her apron , sat the boy at the table and gave him breakfast . The boy told the old woman that he didn 't have a family or a home . The old woman said , " You can live with me . " |
When I got home after lunch Daddy and Billy were back from their outing . Billy was crying in his crib and it was already close to 2 . Daddy didn 't realize he was hungry and needed lunch before nap ( Daddy is hopelessly forgetful of these things even if he doesn 't mean to be . ) I got him up and gave him his favorite food of all time . If he could eat it for every meal I think he would . He even knows where I keep it in the refrigerator and if I open the door he grabs it and runs . Yup , it 's yogurt - specifically Chobani . He eats Chobani every single day without fail . Today , he was doing a pretty good job of feeding himself with the spoon so I let him feed himself lunch . I turned my back for a minute and . . . He ditched the spoon and went for the bare - hand method . Somehow , he managed to empty the entire contents using just one hand . With a photo like this , I am nominating Billy as the Chobani Spokesbaby . As spokesbaby , Billy says for everyone to run out and buy more yogurt - for him ! No worries , Billy . . . Mommy has an entire shelf in the fridge devoted to yogurt . After a late lunch I sent Billy off to actually take his nap . He 's got a cold and didn 't sleep well at all last night . Also , Mommy didn 't sleep well at all last night . But that 's what happens with a crabby Billy that wants to be held all night long . He took a long nap , got up for dinner and cried until he went to bed for the night . He was so tired he only wanted to wake up for food . If you can believe it , it snowed at our house today . It was too warm to lay , but somehow little patches of white appeared on the yard and on the deck . Of course , Billy saw snow last winter , but that is so long ago I know he doesn 't remember . He stared out the window pointing , " look , look ! " at the tiny flakes . I even opened the back door so he could look out of the glass on the storm door to see the snow hit the deck and dissolve . It was fascinating to him . We also played with the Bell Box today , which he hasn 't done in many days . It still astounds me that he can change the songs and has clear preferences . The Christmas songs are ok , but the songs you would here on a calliope at the circus are his favorites and he will turn the knobs until he finds them . They are mostly polkas , so I think perhaps it 's the rhythm that is appealing . Who knows ? Why does he like classical over rock as well ? I don 't know . He didn 't get that from me . I 've been trying to expose him to all kinds of music but I have to admit that I 've been a little lacking . He loves classical . I let him listen to rock and dance music . He loves the songs in Disney movies ( ok , that he did get from me . ) I make him listen to Irish music and Native American music . I have Spanish and African music for him too . But , I don 't have country . It 's not that I don 't like country , but it 's not a preference of mine and I don 't own any country music to share with him . But , in the spirit of Grandpop , I think I will have to make sure he at least has some Bluegrass music to listen to . ( Grandpop was in a Bluegrass band many moons ago . ) For dinner we went to visit our friends , who just happen to be the parents of Billy 's girlfriend . She is a few weeks ( but not a month ! ) older than Billy . The last time they saw each other was for Billy 's birthday party . I dressed Billy in his plaid pants and a baby boy blue sweater . His girlfriend was dressed in a baby girl pink sweater with cute girl print pants . Totally by accident they were dressed in their respective colors . They looked like baby models for a clothing line . It was too funny ( and I forgot my camera , so sorry no pics ) . She is just a bit smaller and they kind of look like twins . They are often mistaken for twins when we go out , in fact . Billy has a new habit of running to the door and waving " bye , bye " when he is ready to go . He was so tired at the end of dinner that he informed us it was time for bed . He 's been to enough parties over the last two weeks that it wasn 't a fluke , he tells us when we need to take him home . Works for me . I would rather he tell me than have a crankypants . We started the morning with brunch with friends . Billy was very well behaved . When we came home with the same friends , family came to visit . It was a lot of excitement and Billy got off schedule . He normally takes a nap around lunchtime , but was way past that by the time we actually got him to sleep . Then he only slept for an hour , waking up at the usual time , but without getting enough sleep . The result ? Crankypants . He was so tired that he was unhappy with everything . The only way I could get him to settle was to dance around the living room with him on my hip . Salsa , Rumba , Cha Cha . . . didn 't matter so long as I kept moving to the beat . Let me tell you , a good way to lose the baby weight is to dance around with a 30lb weight on your hip . Just try keeping the weight on and doing that on a regular basis . After he got bored with dancing it was on to playing ball with Buddy . I know , I know . No balls in the house . Billy has a large bouncing ball that we were throwing down the hall for Buddy to chase after . Billy would chase too , although Buddy is much faster . Buddy would then get the ball stuck and Billy would say , " oh , noh ! " Grandma came over for a short visit , but while she was here it became apparent that Billy needed another nap . He was laying down on the floor and trying to sleep amongst his toys . We tried to put him to bed , but he ended up unhappily babbling about it in his crib during quiet time . After quiet time I rocked him a little to get him to settle . He smiled and cooed the whole time , thrilled to get some close Mommy time . He was much happier after that . His unhappy belly over the holidays means that he has an unhappy bottom , so after bath time we had some bare bottom time . Normally , I restrict him to his bedroom ( or the deck in summer ) but today I let him run around . He thought it was too fun and had me chasing him all over the house . Suddenly , he started doing the Pee Dance . Normally I throw a diaper on him when I see the Pee Dance . But Daddy decided to try the potty this time . We got his stool and tried to stand him up in front of the toilet . The problem was that he wanted to sit on his stool , because stools are clearly for sitting . Daddy tried and tried - Mommy being banished because this was " boy stuff " . No Go . Daddy let him run around some more , but he continued with his Pee Dance . We threw a diaper on him and he let fly . Daddy is disappointed , but I am thrilled . I know he didn 't pee in the pot , but he did hold it and wait for his diaper . That 's a mark in the win column for me . A strange thing did happen during bath time . He kept pointing down the hall saying , " Look , look ! Momma , look ! " Of course , the hallway was empty . I said , " What ? What do you see ? Do you see something ? Do you see someone ? " But he just kept pointing , eyes trained on something and said , " I no no " . ( I don 't know in Billy speak ) . It 's not the first time he 's done it and I have no idea what he 's seeing . I do believe in ghosts , but then , I 've also seen Billy have a conversation with a red Christmas bow . I don 't know what to make of it . The only thing in the hallway is the hall light , which is higher than his eye line when he does this . Who knows ? It 's a mystery . I just hope he learns to tell me what it is that he sees , or grows out of this phase of seeing something where there 's nothing . Billy has a new phrase ; oh , noh . To everything he says this . He points at the Christmas tree and says , " oh , noh . " He drops a piece of food and says , " oh , noh . " We ask him to do something he doesn 't want to do and he says , " oh , noh . " Today was the day of tantrums . He was tired but only took one nap and not a long one . I heard a lot of " oh , nohs " . At one point Daddy was downstairs and Billy wanted to go through the closed basement door to join him . I told him no . He got so mad that he tried to bite the door , which didn 't work out so well for him . Billy got to try whole peanuts for the first time today . He thought they were so tasty that he tried to take the container of peanuts away from me . He refused to eat his lunch because he wanted peanuts . He turned down his favorite foods for peanuts . After lunch I had a wet cloth in my hand to wipe up . He wanted the cloth so I gave it to him . He wiped up his own tray for me , just like he 's seen me do at the end of every meal , every day . He was very impressed with himself and picked up each crumb and dropped it on the floor for Buddy . After dinner we were playing in the living room around the Christmas tree . Billy decided to sneak behind the furniture to get to the back of the tree . He was poking at the ornaments on the back of the tree when all of a sudden , the one he was poking fell off of the tree . He was overcome with a look of abject terror and said , staring at his feet , " oh , noh ! " Daddy got up with Billy this morning so that I could sleep in a little . They played with some Christmas toys and watched his new movie , Beauty and the Beast . He wasn 't all that interested in his new movie , since it wasn 't Tangled . He was all hugs when i got up and only wanted Mommy . As it turns out , a diet of cookies and crackers causes tummy troubles . Who would have thought ? So , he was feeling a little under the weather and Mommy and Daddy had double diaper duty . He was so tired from yesterday that he was ready for his nap at 11am and slept until almost two . When he got up we went outside to watch Daddy work on the roof . Billy picked up the biggest stick that he could find , nearly twice his height , and dragged it all over the yard and the court . While we were playing in the court I heard a loud engine noise . I grabbed Billy tightly just in time to see an SUV barrel into the court and swing wildly past us only a few feet away , nearly clipping the car we were standing next to . Billy had been running out from behind the parked car just when I grabbed him and might not be with us if I hadn 't heard the SUV before we saw it . The blonde woman drove off in a hurry and parked up at the top of the court . Then she waited with her engine on until a man jogged down the cross street and came up to her car . They had a long conversation , exchanged something . He ran back the way he had come and she drove off . We don 't live in a neighborhood with much crime , but it was very suspicious . Billy wanted to go investigate , but I kept him away from the top of the court . Not long after Grandpop came to visit and brought Billy his presents . He got a dragon and a wagon . I have officially named the dragon Smog , which is taller than Billy . The wagon is a little red push cart just the size for Billy to push around , but too small for him to ride in . It 's clearly for Smog to go for joy rides in the court . Right after Grandpop arrived Billy laid down on the floor right at my feet and didn 't want to get up . Nap Time # 2 . I had to wake him up ( in his crib ) for us to go out to dinner . We went first to the Macaroni Grill , but they were so rude about taking our name that we left and went to Chilis , where there was no wait . He wasn 't hungry , but had a grand time tossing paper napkins on the floor and talking to the other babies at the restaurant . I think he was too tired to eat . When we came home he went right to bed and fell asleep immediately . Last night after Mass and a Christmas party I got Billy ready for Santa . I put him in his green PJs and showed him the tree with no presents under it and all about Santa . We put out a plate of cookies and Billy couldn 't wait to get to sleep . When he woke up this morning he ran right into the living room and opened a present from Santa . Our house must have been Santa 's last stop , since he left 5 of his deer in our yard . We watched them eat breakfast before going back to presents . Billy was very happy with his haul . By the time we got home it was after ten . Billy was wound up the whole ride home , but once he was in his room he went ahead and put himself to sleep . He 's had a very long , very busy day . Tomorrow he will get to play with his toys for the first time . It doesn 't really matter what you believe about Jesus . Historians know he lived . And on this day ( although I know the actual date may have been different , but his is the day we celebrate ) Mary went into labor . I had a baby boy not so long ago . In a hospital . Surrounded by light , medical professionals , medicine . It 's tough enough to have a baby in modern times with modern methods . I can 't imagine what it must have been like for a 14 - year - old girl , scared , without help , in a stinking , dirty animal shelter . No nurses , no doctors , no light . Just pigs and cows and a donkey for company . No bed , just straw on the ground . How hard it must have been , how scary . Poor Joseph , there but probably without knowledge of how to help her . I picked up Billy a little early from daycare today , since work closed early . He didn 't want to leave . He was having way to much fun with the toys at daycare . So we visited a little with his teachers while he finished playing with the toys there . They told me that he loves to sing and dance . Sing ? Sing ? ? ? Now , I 've seen Billy dance . It 's a combination of a twist , wiggle and sway totally off - beat . He loves music and will start dancing to let me know that he wants me to play music for him . Sure , I know he loves to dance . But sing ? Wait a minute . . . he 's hardly talking . Apparently , he can sing the ABCs . Daddy and I tried to get him to sing the ABCs for us at home tonight . We tried over and over , off - key , to hear him sing . Nope , shut up like a clam . Hmm . . . hoax ? We 'll see . He was fussy today so I gave him my ipod . He 's pretty savvy with the ipod . He played Vivaldi over and over . He accidentally pulled up top 40 dance hit and rocked a little bit to it , but then found Vivaldi again and really started swaying and giggling . We listened to Vivaldi all night . Yesterday , unlike most days , I did not send yogurt to daycare . He takes five containers of food with him every day , plus a sippy of water and another of milk . And yes , he usually consumes everything . Yogurt is a very easy food to prepare . I take it out of the fridge and stick it in the daycare bag . Voila ! Everything else takes time to prepare . But yogurt , well , yogurt is a working mom 's friend . My picky eater was not a fan of the menu change . I sent 6 containers of food just to give him an extra option . He ate only two of them and rejected the rest . What did he eat ? Bananas and mac - n - cheese . Rejects ? Hamburger , fries , peas and roasted potatoes . So , he was hungry . Very hungry . Hungry baby = cranky baby . We 've been asked to therefore , always send yogurt . We 're shooting a commercial with a monkey . Literal , not figurative . The chimp is a teenager named Chandler , about the same size as Billy . That chimp has been keeping me from my son . I got a little bit of sleep before my alarm clock woke me up . When you 're a mom your alarm clock doesn 't come with an off switch . Nope . My alarm clock requires a diaper change , breakfast , and continues to scream louder and louder until he gets it . I decided to let him play a bit before daycare today , just to get some Mommy time . He chased Buddy around with animal crackers and poked at the tree ornaments . Mommy drank her coffee while Billy chased the dog around . This evening Daddy took Billy Christmas shopping for a snow suit with gloves and boots . He loves to be outside , so we need to be prepared for the weather . I have been to all of the department stores around me , including the baby stores , and nobody had snow suits for toddlers . Daddy ended up at an outdoor shop , on of his favorites , and came back with a lovely ( albeit very expensive ) snow suit set . Uncle Alex also came over this evening . His college has closed down for the holidays and he needs a place to stay until his car is fixed . So , Uncle Alex will be living with us until his car is fixed , or until Grandpop picks him up to take him home ( which is not nearby ) . Billy was super excited about Uncle Alex 's laptop . I tried to get him to play with his own laptop ( thanks G ! ) , but having played with the real thing , he shoved his little red one right back in my face . Nope , the real thing is the cool thing . Somehow , I don 't think Santa will be bringing my little one an actual laptop for Christmas . SO , when Uncle Alex leaves , he 'll have to survive with his little baby laptop . He was all wound up and stayed up past bedtime to play with Uncle Alex . However , Mommy insisted on bed . And now Mommy insists on going to bed herself . Today 's post will be coming shortly . It 's 6am and I am just getting off work and have to be back in the office at 9am . I will post later in the day after I get some sleep . Running around in the month of December it 's easy to lose track of time . There 's decorating , shopping for presents , planning get - togethers . And in my personal life there 's been shoot after shoot , a sick little one , and prepping for Santa 's first big visit to our house ( 2nd trip , but last year Billy didn 't notice ) . Having a little one around seems to be a contributing factor to time slipping away . It seems like yesterday that he couldn 't crawl . I feel like projects I did months ago at work were only a week or two ago . And the same goes with seeing friends - having seen them months ago seems like it was very recent . For thirty years of my life , December 19 has been a planning day . A planning day for mourning . Most people see the December 21 as the darkest day of the year . In Grandma 's family , it 's December 20 . 34 years ago , at a Baltimore Colts game , my grandmother looked over at my grandfather and said , " Bill , I feel funny . " She collapsed and never woke up . Two days later , December 20 , she died . Every year since the family has gathered to mourn her premature passing . There were phone calls back and forth about the Mass , who was going , who needed rides . For our family it was a Holy Day of Obligation . And I realized , rushing around with my little one , that there has been none of that this year . Grandma hasn 't even mentioned it to me . Maybe it 's just me , consumed by all things baby , maybe the family is drifting away from the tradition . It 's a time - honored tradition , this moving on . We are moving on . There is another generation in the family . So many things to look forward to that we forget to look back . We don 't forget the people , but we move away from the grief to celebrate the new lives around us . Today was the momentous day . We went to see the Big Man In Red . Now , I 've been prepping Billy for a week for this trip to see Santa . I 've been telling him all about the presents . I bought him a copy of The Night Before Christmas and have been reading it to him . We even checked out his stocking , hung by the chimney with care . We waited until after his nap to take him to see the Big Man , hoping to catch him in the best mood . Unfortunately , he 's not sleeping well with this nasty cough ( neither is Mommy ! ) and has been crabby all day . When we got there a big line stretched down the mall and we had to wait . Daddy took Billy into a toy store while Mommy waited in the long line . Just before us a cute baby girl sat on Santa 's lap . She wasn 't so sure , but finally the photographer and Santa got her to giggle and what a photo op . The next kid was maybe six or seven , an old pro at snapping the photo with a big smile to get to the important part - making sure Santa knew what he wanted . Then it was Billy 's turn . I tucked in his shirt and carried him over to Santa . So far , so good . We had a nice little chat with Santa about procedure , since he 's used to the young ones having difficulties . Then I turned Billy over to jolly old St . Nick . But as it turns out , jolly old St . Nick isn 't so jolly . Nope , he 's downright scary . All that crying made Santa cry too ! I had to work again today , despite it being the weekend . I got Billy up and fed him breakfast just like on a normal workday . Only , I left him with Daddy looking at the tree . Right after our lunch break ( which for you normal people is actually closer to dinner ) I left the shoot and came home to visit with my favorite boys . I only had an hour and it went quick . Billy showed off his new words from Daddy " stop ! " and " no ! no ! " These words are for the dog bowl , oven , stove and heater . Hopefully , I gets the meanings of the words . When I got home he had been asleep for a long time . But , his coughing woke him up . It 's a remnant of that crappy , evil disease and he will have it through Christmas . It 's a terrible , racking cough . Both Daddy and I have it too . I went in to give him his binky , which normally settles him , but he was sitting up and stood up when he saw me . I picked him up and he pointed back at his crib . I gave him his binky , but he pointed to his crib again . He wanted his Pooh Bear , but in the darkness couldn 't distinguish it from his other animals in the crib . As soon as I handed it to him he nestled up against my shoulder . Then I rocked him back to sleep . Billy is not a fan of socks . Nope . Doesn 't want them . I put them on his feet this morning . He ripped them off . I put them back on . He ripped them right off again . He went to bed last night with socks on . I woke him this morning and he had both socks in his hand . When I came home from work late tonight the remnants of Billy 's dislike were littered on the kitchen floor . Sockless baby . That 's my Billy . He had a quiet day today , most of which I missed . He was sleepy so I had to wake him and we were late to daycare . I worked until after his bedtime . All I can say is , he had a mostly sockless day . Well , I guess Billy isn 't allergic to peanuts . We haven 't been able to find a good time to food test him on peanuts , being a major allergy . But Daddy handed him a peanut granola bar without thinking this morning . The good news is that there was no reaction . Billy did not want to go to school this morning . Nope . Tree . I would cart him back into the den to try and get his socks , shoes and coat on and he would run at light speed back to the tree . His favorite ornament ? Scooby - Doo . I don 't think he 's ever seen any Scooby , but it 's a clear winner . Today was another crusty eye day . So bad now that he woke up with both eyes sealed shut . It took two parents to wrestle and ornery toddler into getting the yuckis cleaned up . He looked much better after a shower . I hope this illness cures up soon so his poor little nose and eyes can clear up and leave him alone ; . I know he 's miserable . Daddy tells me he 's so miserable that he cried all afternoon and refused to eat his dinner . Of course , the crying may have been from his getting in trouble with Daddy and being less than happy about getting punished . Also , he cries and throws food when he 's being picky about his meal , which may have been the case here . But I don 't know , because I had to work again . We 're filming again at work and that means that I have to work late . I had thought I would be home before Billy 's bedtime , but after three fire drills on set ( not literal ones ) It was after ten before I was able to leave . I am in charge of the heroes ( the product that will appear on camera , especially in close - ups ) . Therefore , I have to be on hand to make sure the heroes are ready for the set and adjust based on what the talent will do with the hero . It 's always hard for me when I can 't see my son . Especially , because he 's sick and I know he 's missing his Mommy . There 's no substitute for Mommy to a little child , even Daddy can 't always cut it . I tried really hard to be home by bedtime so I could at least rock him to sleep . But , unfortunately , work got in the way and might again for the next three days . It 's insult to injury today . On top of still being sick with that nasty disease that drove us to the ER last week , now he has a clogged tear duct . The result is a crusty , boogie eye that looks like Pink Eye , only the whites of the eye remain pink and he 's not contagious . On top of the crusties , it itches him badly , so he 's rubbing it and making the skin around his eye very pink and raw . I decided to try to make a better dinner tonight than he normally gets . However , not having made it recently , I underestimated the amount of time it would take me to make it . I also underestimated how cranky and impatient my toddler could be . By 15 minutes into the dinner process he had fully immersed himself in the dog water , despite the war zone of toys on the kitchen floor . He cried , stamped his feet and carried on to try to get my attention with his bad behavior . The thing is , I had raw chicken , so I wasn 't about to pick him up with raw chicken cooties all over my hands . Me : Don 't you want to go to school ? You have lots of friends at school . Who 's your best friend ? Is O . . . your best friend ? When I came to pick him up from daycare he was in the gym playing with the older kids . I always look through the window in the gym to see if he 's there before I head to his classroom , since the gym is closer to the door . He saw me in the window looking in . By the time I disappeared out of his view and came up to the doors he had run across the gym crying . We got home it was Mommy or bust . I was trying to cook dinner and he pushed against my legs , kicking and screaming and trying to bite . All he wanted was up . Of course , it 's impossible to dice or chop or open cans with a baby in your arms trying to steal your cooking tool du jour . It was like that all afternoon . Bubbly in the arms and a fussing mess when put down . I am trying to teach him that this behavior will not be rewarded with coddling . It wasn 't all tears today . He played with Buddy ( and beamed him hard across the head , poor old dog ) . And he danced like mad to the Bell Box . The Bell Box is a present Grandpop gave me a few years back , I think with the intentions of entertaining my future offspring . It plays a selection of Christmas tunes and old time classics with the sound of an old circus organ . It has brass bells that ring in time to the music , much like a bell choir . Billy has already figured out how to change the songs and keeps coming back to " Skater 's Waltz " . He is much more entranced by the old timey music than by the Christmas songs , but I think it has something to do with the rythyms and more intricate harmonies . I was getting ready to take Billy into the shower with me to help clear his clogged nose . I undressed him first down to his birthday suit . He put both hands up against the shower door and leaned against it , facing it ( think . . . spread em ! ) . All of a sudden , a little stream of pee came pouring down , hitting the lip of the shower and pooling on the floor . I could see it in slow motion , " oh , My , GOD " . It was plain across his face , wide - eyed , horror - struck . " I 'm leaking ! " I could see him thinking . He looked at me in panic . Then , almost as soon as it started , it stopped . In a flash he ran behind me , peeking out from behind my legs at the little puddle and holding on to me with a death grip . He looked up at me . " Am I going to be ok ? " he was thinking . I wiped it up in a snap and then picked him up and gave him a big hug . " Next time in the toilet , honey . " I have to make this brief , since Billy is crying in his crib . I can 't get him to settle for more than a few minutes - just long enough to boot up my computer - before he starts crying again . He noticed me at the coffee table with my feet propped up , which I shouldn 't do , but I live here , dammit . So , he was sitting on the old little stool that I found yesterday . It 's very tiny , less than a foot square and fairly sturdy . I pulled it up to the coffee table and served him his snack there . He ate and then propped his feet up like Mommy . The funny thing is that the stool is lower than the coffee table . He has to hold on so as to not fall over . We were watching football today with Grandpop and Uncle Alex . When we all cheered Billy put both arms straight in the air and said " Toe Doe ! " Actually , it was only a very good play , but hey , he 's getting it . Let 's hope the Ravens have a lot of Toe Does next week . Today was a very busy day for us . Last night after Billy went to bed , I broke down the makeshift desk in the den and assembled Daddy 's old desk . It looks so much better . Unfortunately , now I can 't get the big computer to work , having moved it , so I can 't add any photos today . I don 't understand how unplugging and replugging in the computer causes mass chaos , but with Daddy 's computers , it always does . Never have these issues with my own computers . Well , anyway , Billy spent the morning exploring the new desk and the increased floor space . During naptime I went over to Grandma 's to pick up her tree to borrow for the season ( Grandma was sitting ) . Daddy was supposed to get us a real tree , but being too busy with work , I opted to make things easier on him and set up the artificial one . While he was sleeping I got the whole tree assembled . When he woke up he explored the bare tree . After checking out the tree I showed him some other decorations . we have a Hallmark singing Christmas dog . He thought it was intriguing and terrifying . He hid behind me and peeked around to watch it dance . Honestly , those things are a little scary , in a fluffy kind of way . I also noticed that the heat wasn 't working in the house , so I called a repairman that works with my family . We had to hang out in the den where we have a radiator and separate heating unit to be warm , especially since Billy is still technically sick . The main house didn 't get too cold thanks to the sunny day , but it was a bit chilly . The repairman came during the time that we were supposed to be at a Christmas party , but it 's better to have heat . It turned out to be a small clogged tube causing the problem . All fixed . Before bed I taught Billy " moo " , meaning " milk " . He keeps trying to say milk , but it comes out either as " ick " or " kah " . So I thought him " moo " and he got it on the first try . Now he knows when he wants milk all he has to do is ask for " moo " and Mommy will get it for him . He 's also getting a canine tooth , so he 's a grumpy gus . Occasionally , I hear him whimper in his crib . Those teethies must really hurt . After he went to bed I decorated the interior of the house for Christmas . Outside will be tomorrow . I 'm just glad it 's done . He 'll get to explore all of the non - breakable ornaments in the morning . I still have to clean up all of the boxes , so I 'm off to go put them back in their closet . Until tomorrow ! When I picked Billy up from daycare today he didn 't immediately run to me like he usually does . In fact , he was avoiding the the teachers too . Why ? He had swiped some stickers from the older kids and was kidding them for a time to eat them when no one was looking . Well , adults are sneaky and we got the stickers away from him , silly boy . Billy and I had a big argument today . The TV is the problem . He wants to touch it , bang on it , shake it , etc . There are Billy hand prints all over the screen . This is an ongoing problem . I can 't just turn off the TV - he continues to attack it and , besides , he has to learn to listen to Mommy . I had to bum smack again today . Fortunately , that worked this time , after multiple failures with " no ! " and hand smacks and distracting him . I would prefer not to use a bum smack and I 'm a total No Go on true full - out spanking . . . yuck ! At least the bum smack worked . He let out a fake cry ( because there 's no way a light rap through a diaper hurts more than feelings ) and then went to get his school bus and push it around . Ugh . For dinner he got to try homemade soup - the first soup he has ever had . I sent it with him to daycare and he refused to eat it , but I got him to eat it at home . True , I added sour cream and pepper as a garnish to help it go down . That 's how I like it , and he liked it too . Clearly , soup is not his favorite , but it 's a new texture and flavor to him and it doesn 't contain sugar , so I wasn 't expecting fireworks to go off on the first try . He hated peas for a long time and loves them now . Same with corn . The fact that he ate half of his bowl suggests I can get him to eat more tomorrow without fuss . After dinner he played tug - of - war with Buddy . The two of them are becoming better friends . Buddy knows that Billy is always willing to share his snacks , much to Mommy 's chagrin . And Billy has learned how to encourage Buddy to play , so they play together now . They played for 20 minutes with Buddy 's snake . Billy would grab the tail and run away and Buddy would grab the other end and pull . Buddy is sweet too . He doesn 't pull very hard so that Billy has a chance to hold on . When I play with him Buddy puts his whole weight into it and I can barely hang on . So I know Buddy is looking out for my Lil Man . That 's pretty cool . Billy went back to daycare today . He is still sick , but not so sick to stay home . He has a bad cough and in the morning some light wheezing . My biggest concern with going back to daycare is exposing the other kids to this illness . But apparently it will be in his system for another two weeks , and I just don 't have two weeks of vacation time laying around to stay home with him . Here he is in his little fort that he made between boxes and furniture that are still in the process of being moved in . ( Aka - hey Daddy , get on this stuff ! ) Billy and I had a big fight over the television . I didn 't turn it on until after 7 to watch the national news , but Billy was very interested in it regardless of the programming . We 're trying to keep him from toughing the TV . It 's large and not attached to the wall . The bigger he gets , the harder he can smack it . He 's either going to crack the screen ( like when he took a swing at it today with a plastic wrench ) or he 's going to topple the whole thing onto himself ( like today when he shook it ) . I tried " no ! " He thinks " no " is funny . I tried the hand slap . No Go . I tried directing him towards his toys . No Go . He just kept touching the TV . Time out ? Tried to bite me for that one . Finally , I resorted to the bum slap . I 'm not for spanking . But sometimes you have to let them know who 's boss . There 's spanking - bare bum , over the knee , counting one two three . Then there 's the bum slap - one to three slaps to the clothed and diapered bum right at the scene of the crime . He 's got to learn to listen somehow and I 'm at my wits end trying to get him to stay out of things . The footstool cube was a big hit today . Hiding behind it , hiding in it , and here 's Billy . . . This morning when Billy got up he was still lightly wheezing , so I treated him with the inhaler . He was feeling much better , so , of course , he wanted to get into everything . Anything he could find that he shouldn 't touch he went after . At one point he picked up something he wasn 't allowed to touch , and without prompting from me started giggling and chanting " bad , bad , bad " . He really wanted me to dance with him in my arms today . I would be sitting on the floor and he would come over and grab my sweater on the shoulder , pulling upwards . I would stand up then , as indicated and he would ask to be picked up , which I would do . Then he would start swaying back and forth - his way of telling me to start dancing . Unfortunately , I am whipped and not in the mood to dance . It 's a combination of things . One , staying up and watching him at night . Two , I 'm sick too . I probably have the same thing he does , only with fully developed lungs , the virus isn 't dangerous , just annoying . Three , I have been working full days at home . Working from home with a toddler , though , isn 't just putting in a full day . I have to fit my work in around his sleep schedule . If he 's up , he won 't let me work . However , when the Sugar Plum Fairy song came on itunes I did start dancing around , having played the part before . He point and started whining . " You 're dancing without me , how dare you ! " he was trying to say with " eh , eh , eh " . When it came time for his nap it was still too early to give him his medication . I debated keeping him up , but I want to get him back on schedule and he 's so tired . I opted just to put him to bed . He was not interested and cried for an hour off and on with me trying to cajole him into sleeping . I could have given him the inhaler then , but it upsets him a lot , which is the opposite effect of trying to calm him into napping . It worked out , though . When he got up from his nap he wasn 't wheezing , so he didn 't need it , anyway . At dinner I gave him chicken pot pie , which he had yesterday and loved . I actually made it Monday night ( from a box ) , but the trip to the hospital got in the way of dinner . He wasn 't really interested in dinner . When I wouldn 't give him what he wanted ( sugar ) , he threw a fit . He threw the china plate on the floor , spilling everything . Buddy was very glad to get to eat all of Billy 's dinner . Luckily , the plate didn 't break . Regardless , Billy knows not to throw things on the floor , so I whisked him off to his crib sans binky for a 3 minute punishment . I don 't want him to associate the crib with punishment , since then he won 't want to go to sleep , but I haven 't come up with a better option yet for the really bad behavior . Normally , he gets a light rap on the hand for trying to touch something he knows he shouldn 't , and he gets a 10 second sit down punishment , where I hold him in a sitting position on the floor . The latter is usually more effective , since it removes him from the scene of the crime . I have a designated punishment sitting location . Because of the breathing issues , I spent the night on the floor in Billy 's room beside the crib . I am a light sleeper , so even the congested sounds of his wheezing will wake me up ( this is likely why I am ALWAYS tired . ) Thanks to the treatment at the hospital , though , he was breathing well . In the early morning before the sun was up he woke up and discovered I was in his room . The sound of him standing up woke me up . He looked at me and then threw his binky at me . Then he took the binky in his other hand and threw that at me too . I handed both back and told him to go back to sleep . Again , he threw both binkies at me . This process repeated several times until he became frustrated and threw a stuffed cat at me . Apparently , he didn 't want me in his room while he was sleeping . I gathered up my stuff and left and he laid right down and went back to sleep . He didn 't get up until 11 , and Daddy and I both decided that letting him sleep in was better than keeping him on schedule . For one , he came home way past his bedtime yesterday , thanks to our little ER adventure . When he got up finally his appetite had come back . He ate two eggs , half a waffle and some cheerios . Whatever it takes to keep him fed . Later , Daddy was playing around with Billy and a back scratcher . To be funny , Daddy jokingly used it to scratch some unmentionable parts to make me laugh . Then he handed Billy the back scratcher . Billy chased Daddy around the house trying to scratch those same unmentionables until he managed to whack Daddy right where it counts . I don 't think that joke will be repeated . Well , earlier Billy 's breathing sounded really good . Now that he 's sleeping he 's wheezing again , even with the inhaler . We 're monitoring him closely and will administer another dose as soon as we can to see if it has any effect . If it doesn 't , well , let 's hope that it does so we don 't have to go out in the dark and ran tonight . This morning began with a trip to see the pediatrician - well , the nurse practitioner since the doctor was not available in the morning . Billy was very clearly having breathing difficulties and was not a happy camper . Most notably is a condition called tugging . This is wear the infant is breathing so hard that the skin is tugged through the ribs . I noticed it when this all started and knew this was no cold . Bronchiolitis is inflammation of the bronchioles , the smallest air passages of the lungs . It usually occurs in children less than two years of age and presents with coughing , wheezing , and shortness of breath . This inflammation is usually caused by respiratory syncytial virus [ 1 ] . Treatment is typically supportive [ 2 ] but may involve the use of nebulized epinephrine or hypertonic saline . Four hours after the original treatment we had to treat him again at home . I had Daddy do it since he has an inhaler for himself . Seems logical to have someone that knows the device use it , right ? Again , immediate improvement right after the treatment . Two hours after treatment he keeled over wheezing and screaming . Per doctor 's orders I was to call if the medicine wore off sooner than 4 hours . His regular doctor was on call and recommended a trip to the ER for pulse and to test for RSV . Here is Billy inbetween tests in the peds ward of the ER . They gave him a gown with koalas flying spaceships . I 'm not sure why koalas would want to fly spaceships . . . Daddy administered the inhaler dosage the same way he administers his own . However , the inhaler with the pediatric chamber is administered another way and , as it turns out , he got half or less than the dose he should have received . I had the nurse in the ER show me how to administer it so that Billy won 't have to suffer with the tugging and wheezing . Billy is teething and has been having trouble sleeping lately . The binky always fixes everything , though . When he wakes up in pain we just pop the binky back in and he falls right back asleep . Before midnight he had already woken up three times crying for the binky . But after midnight was a whole different story . He woke up screaming in pain . The binky was not enough to settle him . In fact , he still had the binky in his mouth . He screamed even through trying to rock him to sleep . Finally , exhaustion took over and he went back to sleep . A half hour later the whole process repeated . Only this time add in dry - retching and difficulty breathing . OMG . I was so afraid . But I got him to settle back down and relax ( which relaxed the breathing ) and go back to sleep . By 4am I was so exhausted and worried that I gave up trying to sleep . He woke up again screaming . So I rocked him back to sleep and held him in my arms until 7 , when I switched off with Daddy . Daddy then held him until 10am in the rocking chair . Then Daddy took him into the steaming shower to try and open up his nasal passages . I got up at 10 : 30am . Billy was alternating from looking miserable to screaming . He wanted to be held , but he couldn 't get comfortable and would start crying . If it hadn 't been Sunday he would have gone straight to the doctor ( open on Saturdays too ) . But being Sunday , it was emergent care or stay home . We stayed home . He was so tired and miserable . I just sat on the floor with him and rubbed his back , trying to interest him in toys . I also had Nemo on to keep him occupied . By noon it was clear that he needed to sleep . Only , he was afraid to go to sleep . He would lay his head down , then startle and start to cry . I relented and danced him to sleep . Nothing like classic 70s rock to put you out . ( I love classic rock - Billy can fall asleep to the 1812 Overture , so that 's not a comment about the music . ) In fact , concerned that he wouldn 't sleep , I moved my ipod and docking station into his room and put on my classical playlist for him . He actually did sleep to the 1812 Overture . I had to run out for some errands so once he was sound asleep I headed out to get everything done as fast as I could . He woke up after about 1 . 5 hours , miserable again . But I wasn 't able to come home yet . Billy , sound asleep on the carpet in front of the TV . He slept there , with the football game on , for more than two hours . A phone call from Grandpop woke him up . I would like to note that Billy has NEVER fallen asleep on the floor before . He was miserable when he woke up and only wanted Mommy . So I held him for awhile . He has started to love football , so he got in to watching the rest of the game and stealing oreos from Daddy . Then Daddy and I played football with him and his inflatable ball . That lifted his spirits some . I gave him a quick dinner of yogurt and fruit , a bath to clear his lungs and then put him to bed . Again , I had to dance him to sleep . We did rock for awhile and look up at the planets projection on the ceiling . Finally , he relaxed enough to go to sleep . He 's in there now , sleeping to classical music to keep him calm . I heard him wake up already , but he put himself back to sleep , and I 'm betting it 's the music keeping him calm . In a terrible stroke of luck , Daddy has gotten sick too . Daddy never gets sick . Thanks to the teething Billy had me up before 8am today . Now , I know other babies get up earlier , but he normally gets up at 8 : 30 , so it 's early for him . When I have insomnia , it 's really early for me . By 9am he was bored with his toys and I had chased him from one end of the house to the other more than ten times . He wouldn 't stay still long enough for me to make coffee . I tried erecting the baby gate . First he ripped it down . Then I wedged it in tighter , but had to go higher with it for a better fit ( the walls aren 't straight ) . So , he figured out how to crawl under it . By 9 : 30 I corralled him into his bedroom - the only baby - safe room in the house with doors and without sleeping people . Containment is key when lil man has boundless energy and I 'm whipped . He thought it was very tasty . I know in the photo he looks kind of concerned , but he is merely inspecting the properties of this strange new food . Fish is a success . And Mommy is excited that so far no allergic reaction to fish , yay ! ( I am always nervous about his health when exposing him to major allergens , like peanuts and soy , etc . ) If you 're not familiar with Kenilworth , every Christmas the mall sets up a huge train garden around the central fountain . It 's a big draw for the kiddies . So is Santa , but he was on his break while we were there . Probably out feeding the reindeer or getting some milk and cookies . We weren 't there to see him yet , anyway . Have to find a Christmas outfit first . When we got home we went outside to play . Billy was trying to head for the street , so I was blocking him with my legs from going near traffic . I always do this . He 's fascinated with attempting to run to the end of our street and see the cars on the cross street . Mommy is not excited by this . Normally , he grabs my legs and tries to side step me , which never works . Today , however , he decided to run headlong into me . I had no warning , since he was standing still right in front of me and then ran at me full speed to get me out of his path . The result ? He hit me , stumbled backwards , tripped over his own feet and belly - flopped onto the pavement . I nearly caught him from falling , but it happened just a split second faster than my reaction . He cried for just a minute and then wanted down to go play again . Of course , he immediately decided to try running down the street again . Ok , time to go in . After a few minutes playing inside I noticed his face was turning red and splotchy . Because it 's so cold outside it must have kept the redness from developing until we came into the warmth . He had a red spot on his forehead , tip of his nose , and all across his face like a beard . I didn 't think the fall look that bad when it happened . I tried to ice it but he wanted none of it . He was totally unphased by it . Must look worse than it really was . After awhile the redness faded except for on the forehead . Just before bed ( and just before the above photo ) I had to go on the Great Binky Hunt . We were down to the one cheapie back - up . I crawled under the crib to try and find any that had fallen behind . They get lost under the dust ruffle and behind a box under the crib . All of a sudden Billy climb on top of me , grabs my shoulders and starts bouncing like he were on a pony ride . Mommy doesn 't do pony rides , but it was so funny that I called for Daddy through the monitor . Daddy had to finish laughing before letting Billy get a Daddy pony ride ( with Mommy following close behind to prevent any spills ) . Definitely don 't need any more head bumps today . It 's midnight and he 's been up three times already with teething pain . Poor guy . Hope tomorrow that tooth finally gets here and leaves him alone . Today really began yesterday . I didn 't get to see Billy yesterday , having worked late on a project that had to go out this morning . Often , like on Tuesday , I can leave projects in the capable hands of my coworkers , but on this project I took point and had to stay . When I got home everyone was asleep . But soon enough , as I was getting ready for bed , crying was coming through the monitor . I had to go in and console Billy , rock him back to sleep . An hour later , I had to repeat the process . Then again , at 4am , I had to get up and rock him back to sleep . He was so tired that he pushed me away when I tried to kiss him goodnight again . He either wanted to be in my arms or in the crib , but no kisses . It was nice to see him in the middle of the night , but I don 't like that it 's because he 's in pain . It 's a bottom molar . And it 's hell for us all . He doesn 't want to eat because it hurts . Even french fries weren 't very appealing . I gave him frozen raspberries ( partially thawed and coated in sugar ) to help ease the pain . Since he 's on antibiotics for his ears right now I don 't want to give him other medicines , especially herbal remedies . But when Daddy picked him up from daycare he was in a better mood getting to go outside . He looked up , pointed and said " moon ! " . Then he pointed to the other side of the sky and said something unintelligible . Planet , that 's what he was trying to tell Daddy . I have been teaching him the difference between the moon , the stars and the planet currently in the night sky . He knows the words and loves to look at them all . His nightlight is a projection of the planets . I name each one for him and he is starting to get it . It 's pretty cool . There comes a point in every toddler 's life when pronouncing simple , common words produces hilarious and often unintended results . Simple English words are transformed by Toddlerish into inappropriate meanings . The toddler , of course , remains completely unaware that what they are trying to say has become something entirely different . I remember when a dear friend of Billy 's was learning to talk . Unable to pronounce his R 's , he tried to say the word " fork " . It was cute , disturbing and hilarious to hear him try to ask for an eating utensil and say something one never expects to hear out of the mouth of a babe . Yesterday , Billy said to me " Mom , caca . Caca ! " I 'm thinking to myself , " did my son seriously just say that ? " He walked around continuing to " caca , caca ! " until , after about a half hour he found caca . He held up his hand to show me an animal cracker . " Caca , Mom . " Yep . Then in the bath he pointed and said , " cock ! " Again , dirty word , innocent meaning . He was pointing to his rubber duckie . " Cock , cock ! " That is , apparently , what the duck says . Last week the duck said , " ack , ack ! " He 's clearly trying to get the QU sound , with very funny results . So here 's the thing . What do you do with a kid that 's saying something dirty but meaning something innocent ? He 's so proud of himself for knowing words and gets the sounds close to how Mommy and Daddy pronounce them . I just smile and squelch the laughs that are begging to come out . He was only sleeping 4 - 5 hours at night and only drinking milk for food . His big accomplishment was rolling over from stomach to back . He did get to go on a tall ship and vote with Mommy . Every Friday we went to Mommy and Me and that 's where we met a good friend of Billy 's . This morning I woke up to the sound of the crib mobile . Now , that little wind up mobile lasts for only 2 minutes ( Ok , why two minutes ? Seriously ? It needs to be on for 20 minutes ! ) . Then . . . the sound of giggles . Ok , he 's up to something . I found the mobile pulled down sideways , still attached to the crib . Hey , at least it kept him occupied . How he managed to turn the crank and get it to spin and sing I 'll never know . Tickle time ! Billy wanted to Tackle and Tickle all afternoon . Mommy always covers him in kisses when he wants to Tackle and Tickle . He let out some of the best laughs and giggled all afternoon . He got piggyback rides ( his new favorite ) and the Mommy Monster came for a visit . Then it was bedtime . Only , Billy decided it was time to practice death - defying feats on the high wire ( aka the rolled up rug sitting in our front hall ) . We 're still not unpacked from the move and mess is everywhere , although contained . I 'm going through it but I 'm also working so there 's not too much time to work on stuff . Meanwhile , the very heavy large rug that will go in our bedroom is sitting in Billy 's path . It 's an awesome toy . It will be more awesome in the bedroom where it belongs . Anyway , Billy refused to go to bed , but instead kept running away and giggling . Yup , he stretched out bedtime by a half hour . Fortunately , he didn 't fight me at all about getting in the crib - he was too tired ! According to daycare Billy has a new habit . He walks up to another child , rips a toy out of their hands and then runs off , saying " tan - oo ! " That 's right , he 's polite enough to thank the child while making them cry . I 'm not worried . He 's very good at sharing and I have seen the other kids at daycare rip toys out of Billy 's hands . But , hey , he knows how to say " tan - oo ! " I don 't have much to report today because Billy came home and took a nap , getting up only to eat dinner . He was so tired that he didn 't want to play , he just wanted to lay in my lap and hold a toy . He fell asleep immediately . When I got him up for dinner I did try to give him his medicine . Do you know what he said ? " I don lie dat " and shook his head no . He didn 't want to take it and I had to struggle with him to take it . I finally squirted it into his mouth . He had big puffy cheeks and a look of death on his face . He swallowed it down , but he was not happy about it . If you 're feeling confused that Billy went from a few words last week to phrases today , don 't be confused . It has actually happened that way and I haven 't skipped over him learning to speak . Last week it was Mamma and Daddy . Today , thank you and I don 't like that . Yup , just that fast . We moved today so I 'm going to make this super short . We 're still living in the same place , but we had to move all of our stuff in today . We 're not done but calling quits tonight . Anyway , Billy decided to growl today . When I play tug ' o ' war with Buddy I say " grr " to let him know that we are playing that game and not fetch . Buddy " grrs " back . It 's not a fierce growl - just a play growl . So , Billy picked up a Buddy toy , walked over to Buddy and started " arrrrrrrrrrg " . Maybe it 's a pirate growl . Billy also learned today what a fish says : glub , glub . He repeated it back to me and thought it was so funny that he continued to repeat it an laugh all day . He 's very proud of knowing what a fish says . This morning started with a trip to the doctor . I knew Wednesday night that Billy 's ear infection wasn 't gone . I could just tell . The office was closed Thursday and Friday so I either had to wait until today or take him to emergent care or the ER . I opted to wait - it 's an ear infection and I 'd rather not have my baby in a hospital with sick people . Unfortunately , there was a back up at the doctor 's office ( apparently , an overload of ear infections ) so we had to wait for an hour to be seen , even with an appointment . Let me tell you , hanging out with a one year old in a waiting room is not a good time . He was surrounded by other little boys , though . Of course , all of the other Moms with boys Billy 's age appear to be pregnant . I can 't even imagine showing and having a baby Billy 's age . With the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy I don 't know how they chase after toddlers . Anyway , the doctor confirmed that the ear is still infected . On to Round 2 antibiotics . By the time we got through with the doctor Billy was exhausted and went straight to his nap . Of course , the ear is really bothering him so he didn 't sleep very long . This meant that he was GrumpyPants all afternoon . Grandma stopped by for a little and we had some yogurt and he played well enough while she was here . He showed her some of his dance moves and tried to get her to play with Evil Airplane . After she left he went downhill with the mood . Every little thing made him cry . He wanted to sit in my lap or lay in it and have me sing to him . If I got up , to say - let the dog in - he would cry . I tried to get him to nap again , but he pitched a fit in his crib . When he ran out of toys and blankets to toss out of the crib he ripped off his pants and threw them too . Just Grumpy , not GrumpyPants apparently . But I know why he 's so unhappy . It 's not the ear . It 's not that Daddy wasn 't here . Nope . It 's a tooth . A painful , bothersome , bottom molar that decided to arrive today . This makes number eleven . It explains all of the unhappiness , the lack of appetite , the trouble sleeping . I have heard that teething is more painful that anything a person will experience in adulthood . Yikes . I would be a GrumpyPants too . I 'm hoping that since the tooth is in and he 's gotten some medicine in him for the ear that tomorrow will be a better day for him . I would have posted some pictures from today , but I 'm having an issue on the big computer . " M " isn 't working . It 's hard to write a Mommy blog without an " M " . It 's even harder to talk about cousin MoMo meeting Billy for the first time if I can 't type " M " . Cousin oo cae to eet Billy for the first tie today . . . yeah , no . Billy has a new phrase that he just started using . Clearly , the progression from " Nein ! " is to " oh , nein ! " He uses it when he drops something . It 's really cute , but I promise I 'm not teaching him German . We have been listening to some German opera , but I haven 't heard " nein " in the lyrics ( not that I have a clue what they are saying ) . We did watch Raiders of the Lost Ark today , but the German he heard in that movie can 't account for using " nein " over the past week . He also has a new motion that he just started today . You know how you wipe your hands together when you 're done with a task ? That . Only , he seems to think it 's a dance move . He presses the button on a musical toy , starts to wiggle and wipes his hands . It 's really funny . Speaking of dancing . . . for the first time today Billy danced on command . He loves the music Evil Airplane plays and I had it singing . So , I said , " Billy , can you dance ? Can you show Mommy that you can dance ? " He started to wiggle and turn around . I also noticed that he 's picking up ballet ( from me ) . He tried to do a pirouette today and I saw him trying to point his toes with his arms in Second . So funny . He gets his little toys singing and starts to dance . At one point today he had his arms over his head and was spinning around . Maybe I should sign him up for a ballet class . . . nah ! This afternoon Billy got to meet my cousin MoMo for the first time . She LOVES babies . I 've been trying to get her to meet him since he was born , but she lives out of town and keeps a tight schedule . So , now that he 's 14 months old , she finally got to meet him . He was very shy at first , but soon warmed up to all of her all - over - smooches . If only she lived in town I would usurp her for a babysitter . They were fast friends . Billy cried when she left - no really . He waved byebye and after she and her Mom drove away he cried . Poor little guy . Sign Billy up for the Ravens roster . We have an inflatable football , and since the weather was so nice today , we took it out into the court . I would throw the ball to him . Then he would pick it up , and at my request he would run away from me . I would chase him and " tackle " him , meaning that I would scoop him up in a Mommy embrace with lots of kisses - almost like being tackled ! Sometimes I would let him get away and then I would tell him that he scored a touchdown . He thought this was a ton of fun . Billy 14 . Mommy 0 . Well , I might have let him win . . . this time . He is only one , after all . Billy started my day super early . He got me up before my work alarm , which is way too early for a holiday . But , poor fella , he has another ear infection . Back to the doctor when they open up again . Until then , I guess we 'll be getting up early . When Billy woke up after his nap Grandpop , Grammy ( or Nana - still working on that name ) and Alex were here . Billy had a quick bath and then ran around the house buck naked investigating who was here . Fortunately , he realized he was cold , so he let me put clothes on him . The family came over and we had a nice visit before dinner . Billy was very shy . For the energetic little thing that he is , he was in a very quiet mood . It 's a lot to process , with the table all set and extra furniture in the living room and dining room to accommodate the meal and the people , and all of the people . He did start to get a little fussy so we appeased him with crackers . I think by the time dinner was served he had eaten his weight in crackers . Billy liked everything that he ate and ate plenty of it . He got to try out his silver set , a gift from Grandpop ( it was Grandpop 's silver ) . He especially loved the turkey and the cranberry sauce - it is the best part ! By the time we served the pie Billy was rubbing his eyes and falling asleep on his tray . It was a long and tasty day for him . Looking forward to leftovers . Do you feel like the holidays are confused ? Everyone was in the grocery store today buying cartfuls of feasts with Christmas music playing in the background . I still have bowls of Halloween candy floating around , table dressed for Thanksgiving and a baby incessantly playing Christmas carols . Welcome to Hallowthankmas . Normally I try to avoid stores at all costs the day before and after Thanksgiving , but the need for a birthday cake drove me to the store . So Billy and I were mixed in with all of the last minute holiday cooks trying to pick up a cake . Such is life . We got in to the box of old baby toys today . When I say old , I mean old to him . They are the smaller toys , the rattles , the teething rings that he used to play with so much before he was mobile . They long ago became boring and I tucked them away . But absence makes the heart grow fonder , so we played the whole afternoon away with the old toys . I wonder if he even remembers them . For dinner we had mac ' n ' cheese . He decided that squeezing his hand in the bowl of pasta was much more fun than actually eating it . I 'm sure it 's got a pretty cool texture . Makes a great mess . What little boy wouldn 't want that ? He had another tantrum at Going - To - Bed - Time . I 'm wondering if we are starting a new behavior trend - and not one that I want . He screams and calls and if I go in he is standing up in the crib , usually throwing toys and blankets onto the floor . The binky , of course , is the first victim of the tantrum , which only sends him into further screams . He wants me to rock him to sleep until he is so deep asleep that he doesn 't notice me put him down . Often that is more than an hour . That 's just not going to happen . Every night I rock him for 15 minutes , but I don 't want to establish a routine of longer bedtime rituals . That would impact my dinnertime and the short amount of time for chores in the evening . I am contemplating , however , of moving his bedtime to a little later so he is more tired by the time he gets to his crib . Then again , I don 't want a tired , cranky baby either . It 's a quandary . Every parent dreads when their child finally learns the word " no " . After that there 's no turning back . The most common word you 'll hear from your child is " no " . Well , Billy has learned " no " . . . sort of . Yeah , that 's right . My little baby has decided he 's German . And his favorite word is " nein ! " I have NO idea where he picked that up . I don 't speak German . Daddy doesn 't speak German . The daycare ladies are from India so I don 't think they speak German . My baby isn 't German . . . but apparently he can speak it ! Today was an icky horribly rainy day . For some reason in this town whenever it rains everyone forgets how to drive . It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get from work to daycare . To all the drivers that clogged the highways today - daycare charges for being late . Thanks for costing me money . Thanks for costing me an hour of time I could have spent with my son instead of in my car . Thanks for nothing . After dinner I gave Billy a piece of pumpkin pie . I would post a pic but Daddy is running a work program on the main computer . SO I Will have to describe it . I put the whole piece on his tray . Next thing I know he picks up the whole piece of pie and chomps down right on the center of it . He went for the thicker part of the wedge first . Then he decided to be civilized and put it down and try to use his spoon . After stabbing it a few times to no avail , he went back to picking up the whole piece and devouring fat side first . Nothing was left when he was done . Pie = yum . At bed time we played with his night light . It is a projector that displays and image of the solar system on the ceiling . He has discovered that if he waves his hand in front of the projector , his shadow appears on the ceiling . He makes shadow puppets with his hands in the light . He thinks this is the coolest thing . After the night light Billy wanted to cuddle . I tried to do the normal bedtime routine , but he definitely needed some Mommy time . There was a bit of a tantrum , but given that he was good for the rest of the day I relented and rocked him for a long time until he was sleeping in my arms . You know , it 's not bad to be loved like that . It 's ok with me . This morning began with Billy throwing his strawberries on the floor . He thinks it 's funny to watch Buddy clean up the mess . Mommy and Daddy don 't think it 's funny , although we do appreciate that Buddy cleans up the toddler food messes around here . Daddy witnessed the initial event and me verbally punishing Billy followed by a rap on the back of the hand . ( We use a light smack to the back of the hand when he is being really bad . It only hurts his feelings . ) In defiance Billy picked up more berries and tossed them . No ! Then Billy got mad and threw his sippy and tried to toss the entire contents of his tray . Daddy picked up the cup and held it in place so he couldn 't throw it . Initiate Total Toddler Meltdown . You would have thought we removed his hand or something with the screaming that went on , face red , vocal chords reaching epic heights . He wailed for 20 minutes over not being able to throw food on the floor . Even the binky didn 't appease him . He had to just calm down on his own . Eventually , he realized he was hungry and decided to eat the strawberries that weren 't sacrificed to the dog . Dinner was a repeat . He wanted to throw baked beans around the kitchen . While I don 't mind him making a dinner mess , I 'm trying to keep things clean for Thanksgiving . I wouldn 't let him hold the beans - he could use a spoon , but no hands . When he tried to use his hands anyway and I took the bowl away . . . initiate Toddler Meltdown ( take two ) . And what happened at bedtime ? Take Three ! Yeah , he threw every animal and blanket out of his crib in a tantrum . Binky two - to his dismay after he realized he wanted that . Luckily , he wore himself out with all that screaming , so it wasn 't hard to get him to sleep after that last tantrum . Billy has discovered that toys with strings can be pulled behind him . This is new an exciting . He has three pull toys , but his current favorite is a lamb on wheels from my cousin . Here is Billy pulling his lamb . You might notice the Wii remote on the floor . Billy decided that , since it comes with a string , it must be a pull toy . After a few tries it was not as fun as the lamb , so he pulled the lamb in circles around the Wiimote . Since it was morning I was drinking my coffee . He watched me carefully as I stirred my mug . He thought this was highly interesting . So he tried to sneak the spoon from me and stir my coffee for me when I wasn 't looking . Best way to resolve this situation ? He spent twenty minutes stirring his own mug . Is that an original Care Bears mug you might be asking ? Yes , it 's from my youth . He loves it . He even put his binky in the mug and carried the mug around with him . When it came time for lunch he still wanted to have the mug and spoon with him . So , I let him keep them in his hand . The result ? I 'm not sure how he managed this , but I eventually had to untangle the spoon and binky for him . After naptime it was time to watch the Ravens game . Billy had on his purple and so did I . He doesn 't freak out anymore when I cheer , which is good . I think he 's just learned that Mommy is silly when it comes to football . Daddy isn 't a big fan , so he 's usually not watching the game . When the Ravens got a touchdown I did the arms up move in celebration . A few moments later the Ravens had the ball again and had a really good play . I clapped and cheered . Billy threw his arms in the air into the " touchdown " pose and looked at me , " now ? " It was too cute to tell him there wasn 't a score . After watching some football Billy wanted to go help Daddy . Billy is helping Daddy rake the leaves , although in the photo it looks like he 's directing Daddy to the leaves . Billy got tired of it quick . He fell and rolled a little down the hill . He didn 't like that one bit . He didn 't cry , but he didn 't want to go down the hill anymore . For dinner Billy got to try a new food . Baked beans ! Not only that , but I made baked bean casserole . He was super excited about it and refused to eat anything else he thought it was so good . Lucky for him , there 's plenty left over . After Billy went to bed I was going through an old box and I found something . A little silver cup . A baby cup . The man it belonged to was born in 1855 . Unfortunately , his old daughter died young so I guess that 's how his cup ended up with my family line . Last summer Billy and I stood on his grave . We were out looking for family records in cemeteries . I don 't have a morbid cemetery thing , I just think sometimes the best records are the ones written in stone . I 've been working on the family tree . I wonder how this man would feel that a baby cousin born 160 years after him could use his little cup ? Maybe someday some distant posterity will find Billy 's little silver cup . What will they think ? |
I was born in Butrimantz . I live in Kovno now , and my sister Shifra lives in Israel . There were seven children in our family . Here in Kovno many people remember the war as a bad dream . It was a nightmare for my mother , my sisters and the rest of my relatives and friends . A never - ending nightmare . . . . On June 22 , 1941 , the Germans invaded Lithuania . It was frightening . Everyone tried to escape . We moved to a neighboring village and spent three days with our Lithuanian friends . They did not want us to stay any longer , however , so we had to return home . Butrimantz looked as though a great fire had swept through it . Everything was ransacked or misplaced . The Lithuanian activists issued commands to everyone . We were no longer regarded as people . The husband of Chasya , my eldest sister , was taken away very soon . He was a teacher . Other teachers were taken to Alyta as well . They were told that they were going to work . My sister stole into Alyta with a package for her husband , but it was too late . She was laughed at . All the youth were assembled in the town square very soon after that . Komsomol members were sorted out . They told them they would be sent to work . I was selected too , but they let me go . My sister Shifra , along with Kely Dimenstein and Shmuel Donsky , were released also . We were not Communists . In a few weeks they snatched my father , along with most of the men in Butrimantz . They told them they would be sent to work . No one has seen them since . . . . The only ones left in Butrimantz were the elderly , women and children . We were assigned to live on two streets in the ghetto - Klidzenys and Tatarys . My mother , six siblings and I moved into Shamson Abramowitz 's home . The ghetto didn 't last very long . On September 6 every Jew still alive was ordered to go to the Lithuanian school . Women and children from Stoklishok and Poon had been placed at the school beforehand . Terrible things were already happening : the children were crying ; they were hungry and thirsty . There was no food or water to be found . The people were jammed together . Activists went around the school confiscating anything they hadn 't yet taken . Only one Lithuanian , Ginkena , a teacher , came with water and bread a few times . " Mama , Mama , they 're going to kill us all , shoot us ! " I yelled . " Look at those Lithuanians with their shovels . They 're going to dig a grave for us ! " " Chaya , your daughter has gone mad ! What is she saying ? There 's no way they 'll shoot us all ! She must have gone insane ! " " Who can run ? " she replied . " The eldest , Chasya , has her children to worry about . Zlata has a newborn - she won 't go either . Aselya , Pesal and Abba are just youngsters . You and Shifra should go . I 'll stay here and wait for whatever is going to happen to us . " I had just turned seventeen , and Shifra was a little younger . That night we left the school , as though we were going to the bathroom , and went to hide in the potato fields . We waited a while and then sprinted out of there as fast as we could . . . . Close to the school lived some Polish friends by the name of Egerski . We spent two days with them , hiding in their shed . We heard everyone from the school being marched " Girls , " she said , " my youngest , Manuek , comes home today . He 's a policeman and he 'll give you away . It would be better if you left . " In three days a cow was brought to be slaughtered . We left Adomas ' barn and went to the Asanawicz family . They kept us hidden for three months . It 's a sin to complain , but life there was not sweet . Every day the woman , Valya Asanawicz , told us the same thing : " You 're crazy to have run away ! Couldn 't you just go to your grave with your parents ? Where are you going to go now ? When spring comes you girls will be nice and warm again . Or maybe I should just buy you some arsenic so you can poison yourselves . " Just as we ran into the shed we heard the gate to the front yard open . We looked around the shed but couldn 't find any place to go . There was a lot of hay stacked up , but the pile was very high and we couldn 't climb over it without a ladder . Looking for another place to hide led us to the Shegunewicz house . It was already dark when we set out on our way . It was also stormy and frightening . When we finally reached the house , we knocked on the door . The owner , Juozas , came out . My sister and I remained in their shack for a few days . Then Shegunewicz made a hole under his bed for us to hide in . It was very small . We stayed in there for three months . The Shegunewicz family were extremely kind people . Once , however , in the spring Juozas called us up from the hole . " It 's going bad , " he told us . " In the Gelein village they found out that the Golombewskis were helping Jews hide . The Jews were shot right away , and the Golombewskis were taken to Alyta . You girls have to leave . " " If they go , " his wife said loudly , " I 'm going too . You can 't send them away . They have nowhere to go . Let 's think of a better way to hide them instead . " After a while I told my sister , " I don 't feel good . don 't know why , but it 's getting worse . hifra , Shifra , I can 't breathe anymore ! " " Open the lid , open it ! " But the owners must have left the house and didn 't hear us . I thought that was the end of us . We gathered our 70 strength and pushed the lid up as hard as we could . It opened ! The pile of potatoes and junk collapsed on us , but we didn 't care . We were able to breathe ! In a few days Mrs . Shegunewicz returned , bringing us some food . Then she put her hand under my cheek and said , " Dear girls , you have to go . I feel sorry for you , but I 'm worried about my own family . " We left that night . We circled round the Shegunewicz house for ten days , hiding in the forest , bushes and their shed . Juozas brought us milk and bread . We walked for five miles in constant fear of being caught . It happened that just at that time the Poles were taken to the camps . People stayed at home ; the streets were empty . We were able to reach the Veronovskys ' house without being seen . We tapped on the window . The lady lifted the curtain , saw us and let it drop again . She wouldn 't open the door . We remained with these people until the autumn of 1942 . At night we hid in their attic ; by day , in the rye in their cellar . When fall came it grew very cold . We asked the owners for something warm from the clothing our mother had given them . That autumn was spent in the forests . We slept in ditches and potato fields . I don 't remember that time very clearly . We approached many houses , but all the owners rejected us . They either told us to leave or referred us to someone else . It was a stormy night . We were running toward a shack . The shed was leaking . The wind was so strong that the whole structure moved from side to side . It was frightening and bitter cold . We clung to each other for warmth . Shifra said , " Dvora , let 's go to the owner 's house . No one could be mean enough to turn us away in this weather . " And so we ventured to their door . There were three people inside : a father , mother and daughter . The parents did not object to our presence , but their daughter yelled , " Jews in our house ! Get out of here ! When it stops raining , I 'll go to the police to report you myself ! " Out the door we went . The mother followed and gave us a loaf of bread , whispering , " There 's a potato field behind the house . Go hide in it . " And so to the field we went . It was very wet , scary and infested with bugs . We spent three days in that field . The woman brought us some bread every day and we shared it . My sister would hold the bread in her mouth and offer it to me at the same time . After a while we decided that we had to find a safe place to live , no matter what . We went to the Rodlinskis . They were relatives of the Shegunewicz family . If God had tried to ease our troubles just once during that dreadful war , this was the time ! We spent the rest of the war with these people . In the winter we lived in the cellar ; in the summer , in the haystacks . They taught us to sew , and this distracted us from the terror we lived with . Anything we tried to think of would always lead to that night when our mother and sisters died . We learned not to think about the past at all . We just stitched and stitched and stitched . . . . The Rodlinskis didn 't own any land ; they rented it . In 1944 their rental agreement expired , and we had to move to another place . Before we left , Rodlinski dug a bunker for us to hide in . I guess it was still better to be alive in the ground than dead on top . What saved my sister and me ? The kindness of people . We were two poor girls , barefoot , in tattered clothing . Yet no one gave us away . The people saved us . I owe my life to those people . We , the Golombewskis , have lived in Lithuania for a long time . My grandfather , Raymond , and his brother , Yan , were the first of our family to live here . After the two brothers became quite wealthy , they split the fortune between Raymond 's sons - Yan didn 't have any children . Raymond had three sons : Bronislaw , Boleslaw and Pieter , my father . It would have been customary to divide the money three ways , but Raymond had decided otherwise . He didn 't give his son Boleslaw any part of the fortune . I don 't know why . Boleslaw was very angry at his brothers . He waited a long time to take his revenge . When the war came , he carried it out . Our house stood in a forest about three miles from Butrimantz . So there we were , living in our forest house , when we heard about the war . The bombing in Alyta was much too loud to escape us . On June 22 , 1941 , a few Jews came to our house to hide , but they left a day later . Then , in a matter of weeks , Father told us of the terrible things going on in Butrimantz . A week later he brought Lipka Garbovsky , son of a close friend , to our house . In August there were ten Jews helping us . They went to the rye fields with my father . All of them wore a yellow star on the back of their jackets , indicating they were Jews . Eight days later they went to Butrimantz . We never saw them again . Once , in September , I recall hearing terrible rounds of gunfire . I ran straight to my father . Daddy , Daddy , what 's happening ? The Jews of Butrimantz are being killed , answered Father . Winter came . Somewhere far away the Germans were fighting the Russians . People even said that Moscow had been taken . It didn 't interfere with our lives , however . It didn 't get in our way . One night at the end of February 1942 , Jews once again appeared at our door . Uncle Bronislaw brought six of them inside . We fed them and gave them a place to sleep . In the morning they went to Father and asked him to hide them . Father thought for a very long time . He looked at me and my sisters , and then agreed . The Jews didn 't get in our way . We were quite rich . We owned about five acres of land and had ten cows . Father felt sorry for these people . Four of them were hidden in our sauna a third of a mile from our house . The other two , Riva and Tsalka from Stoklishok , remained in our house . Riva was pregnant and delivered in two weeks . I remember that at the time a neighbor of ours went outside for a smoke and stood leaning against the side of our house . Tsalka had to press his hand over Riva 's mouth so that her screams would not be heard by the neighbor . And Father went outside to distract the neighbor by talking to him . Riva gave birth to a boy . My mother helped with the birth . She herself had had her first son not quite a year before . Zelik Shuster , his wife Ada and her brother and sister from Memel lived in the sauna . The brother 's name was Borka Boruch ; I don 't remember the sister 's name . Food was brought to them by me and our maid , Kruisa . Father asked Borka to be nice to Kruisa , but what happened is that she fell in love with him . Every day Kruisa would say , " Victia , let 's go visit the Jews ! " We 'd put potatoes and bread into a bucket and 76 Borka left soon afterward . He confided in me that he was really in love with Zelik 's sister Raya , but he made me promise not to tell Kruisa . He had heard that Raya was hiding in Parankava with some Poles . ( Jonas , a Lithuanian from Stoklishok , was the one who actually hid her until the end of the war . ) Borka went everywhere looking for Raya until an old Lithuanian woman , Kivilskiene , saw him . She wanted to take revenge on her neighbors and saw her opportunity . She had Borka stay with her for a day , and then she told him , " I 'm leaving for a long time . You should go to the Janavichius family . They 're good people and will let you stay . When I return , you can come back . " The neighbors really were very kind people and let Borka in . But as soon as he had stepped inside their door , Kivilskiene ran to the police and reported Borka . The smaugiks surrounded the house . Borka started to throw grenades at them , and the smaugiks returned with gunfire . The daughter of the Janavichiuses was killed in the battle , and the policeman Stoshkus was wounded . ( After the war , Stoshkus was sentenced to fifteen years in prison . ) Borka was fatally shot . He had searched all over for love , but found death . . . . Our sauna was a very good one and our neighbors had often used it . When the Jews moved into our house , however , Father started to revoke the privilege . He would say " no " 77 The Jews would leave our house for a day ; the neighbors would come to use the sauna . To our misfortune , however , they once spotted some scraps of onion and bread . They started to watch more closely and observed me with Kruisa . They went to Father . " Pieter , who is hiding in your sauna ? " As soon as it grew dark , he ran to the Jews . I went with him . Father asked Zelik to leave at least for a little while , to sleep in the forest for a few nights . Zelik pulled out a grenade , yanked the tab off and put his hand on the table with it . " We have nowhere to go , " he said . " No one will hide us any longer . If you throw me out , I 'll release this . The whole place will be reduced to splinters ! " Why did they not listen to my father ? Maybe my whole life would have been different if they had . But it 's hard for anyone to blame them . In any event , I would never do so . Our Jews fought back . It lasted two hours . Zelik wounded Proshkus with a grenade . The sauna caught on fire . The Jews jumped out and ran toward the wagon . There were four of them left : Zelik , Ada and her sister , and Lipka , the boy we referred to as Mother 's nephew . Ada guided the horses ; Zelik and Lipka fired at the smaugiks . Zelik was killed right away . Ada and Lipka were wounded . Lipka made it to the forest , but the women were caught . They beat them up . Then they went to violate Zelik 's 78 body . He had quite a few gold teeth . Janushauskas attempted to extract them with a shovel . I saw this with my own eyes and rushed over to our neighbor Valangewicz . When she got there , she was furious . As soon as they had covered the hole with rocks , we returned to our house . Tsalka and Riva had escaped into the forest when they heard the gunshots . The bandits came to search the house . In the shed they found a newborn wrapped in cloths . Stoshkus had huge spurs on his boots . He swung his foot and ripped open my father 's cheek . My great - uncle Yan , my uncle Bronislaw and my father were taken to Alyta with the Jews . Uncle Boleslaw was not taken . He was the traitor who had reported his brothers to the police . By getting rid of his brothers and keeping the family wealth for himself , he executed his revenge . It was on April 23 , 1942 , that my father was taken to Alyta . I never saw him again . Yan was set free in three months . He came home dark as death . He couldn 't even speak . Mother rushed to Alyta to find out what had happened to her husband and his brother Bronislaw . Lipka was caught at the end of the summer as well . After he left us , he hid in the forest and later went to Rutkowski , the woman to whom his parents had given all their belongings . Rutkowski tried to treat Lipka 's injured hand as best she could , but it was only getting worse . Lipka went to the pharmacy in Butrimantz and spoke to Matskevich , who had been a neighbor before the war . Lipka asked for medication , but instead Matskevich reported him to the police . He was executed beside a tree in the town square . Tsalka and Riva were able to survive another half year . Once , at night , I heard a knock on the door . Mother went to open it . I heard her say , " What are you doing here ? We asked you to leave . This is the end for me and my children . There 's nothing left to do . Speak up ! " The autumn of 1942 came . We , the Poles , were also taken to Alyta . The smaugiks came and told us to go to the ghetto just like the Jews . Uncle Boleslaw was with us . His brothers ' blood didn 't help him . . . . We were placed in barracks . There were wire fences and watch towers surrounding the compound . Many Poles who lived in Lithuania had filled out documents giving their children to various Lithuanians . When the war came , many of these " Lithuanians " went to work for the police . Some of them served as guards for our camp . What sometimes happened was that the children worked in the watch towers while their father was behind the fence . In this way , some of our youth , thanks to their friendships , were able to escape . The rest of us were moved from Alyta to Radvilishok and situated there in place of the Jews who , poor souls , had been taken into the woods and shot in front of our eyes . They left all their items to us as well as their fear . A rumor circulated that we were next in line . However , in a few weeks small groups of us began to be sent home . My mother and I were in one of the first groups . We returned to an empty house . The neighbors had taken everything . The house itself didn 't even belong to us anymore . It had been given to Lithuanians . They were very generous toward us , for some reason , and gave us a room in our own house . The war had begun . The Germans had come and gone , but traces of their " new order " still remained . How could one be tempted to commit such crimes and live unpunished ? One by one new orders were issued for the Jews and the whole country in general . The stores were robbed by June 23 and all the products disappeared instantly . No one knew what to do . The German troops rushed right by , leaving us completely puzzled . The intellectuals and Communists were taken to Alyta right away . The rest of the population was brought to the town square a week or so later . Chief of Police Kaspariunas appeared with a list and called out the names of about ninety youth , the pride and strength of Butrimantz . My wife 's sister , Nehama Lozansky , was taken along with them . I didn 't go to the square that day . I didn 't go anywhere they ordered us to go . I hid in many places and did not spend a minute working for the enemy . After that first group was selected , I began to stay at Yoshe - Leizer Meirowitz 's house . He made saddles for the police , so I figured he would be one of the last ones they would touch . That 's exactly what happened . The night that all the men were taken out of Butrimantz , Meirowitz wasn 't even disturbed . That night so much blood was spilled because of 83 one single bastard - Miliunsky , the Jew , leader of the ghetto . Miliunsky went around the town , knocking on windows and exclaiming in Yiddish , " This is Miliunsky . Don 't be afraid . Open the door , please . " After this incident , I stopped hiding in Butrimantz . My wife , Tsila , left with me . We hid with Kovalsky , another Butrimantz Jew , who owned a large piece of land with a house outside of town . Some time after this , a hundred more Jews were taken - mostly the elderly , mothers and their children . At night I usually visited my mother and father in the ghetto . Believing that circumstances were only getting harder , I divided my possessions among people I knew . This is what saved us . This was true . His wife and daughter actually had gone there the previous night and hadn 't returned . I suppose they were taken to the Lithuanian school with the rest of them . " Ha - ha - ha , " Stoshkus laughed , watching Kovalsky put a piece of bread into a sack . " You don 't need to do that . You 'll have thousands of loaves where you 're going ! " With a swing of his foot , he kicked the bread out of Kovalsky 's hand . thing right away : if we didn 't get out then , we never would . But I couldn 't run very far with Tsila . I asked him to free us , took off my wedding ring and gave it to him along with some money . " Let 's do it this way , " said Rameika . " We 'll give Gramauskas the cow . He 'll take her home , and I 'll free you . " I saw the smile on Stoshkus ' face , and I heard the sound of a gun being loaded . When we ran into the forest , I heard a gunshot , but I think it was fired into the air . We ran a long way until we were sure there was no one pursuing us . I decided to go to my Lithuanian friends , the Maldanis family . The land that their house occupied was just inside the forest . They had bought this land in partnership with my father . Father took the trees ; the Maldanis family , the land . It was ten and a half miles from the Kovalskys to the Maldanis home . We met a ranger on our way . He told us how all the Yezna Jews were shot before his eyes just a few days earlier . After I heard this , I stopped wondering what had happened to the Butrimantz Jews . In the evening we reached Maldanis ' place . To our misfortune , his house was full of guests and we could not go inside . We went to his neighbor , Danilavichius , who had also purchased land with the help of my father . I asked him to hide us . Danilavichius must not have known about Yezna . The next day Danilavichius ' mother - in - law went to Butrimantz to find out the latest news . Even before she returned , we already knew . We had heard gunfire from nineteen miles away . The woman came back terrified . " They 're searching everyone 's houses . They 'll be here soon . In Butrimantz everyone of your kind has been killed . They said soon there won 't be any Jews left in Lithuania . Please leave right now . " Danilavichius took us to his neighbor Kochim . We stayed there in his haystacks , but the following day we went to Gukevich . He was another friend of my father . Gukevich proved to be a very good man , and we remained in his shed for three months . Once , Gukevich told us what he had heard from others . He said that someone had seen my wife 's mother and sister in the nearby woods . Tsila started to cry and begged me to go and find them . I tried to consider where they might be . Two women couldn 't survive alone under these conditions . They were probably hiding with one of their Polish friends - perhaps their best friend , Yankowski . When we reached Yankowski 's place , he told us they were hiding at the Shestakowskis . In a couple of days we located them and went to hide with them . I did not reveal to the women the identity of those who had hidden us because I feared that if they were captured they might be forced to disclose the names . In the spring the Golombewskis were caught hiding Jews in their house . Among them was a pregnant woman who gave birth with the help of a midwife who had promised not to tell on them . However , she lied , and almost everyone in that household was taken away . In response to this incident , we left . After spending many days in the forest , I led everyone to the Maldanis house . They were afraid to let us stay in their house , but instead they brought us food on a regular basis . Then someone spotted us in the forest and alerted the police . About eighty policemen arrived from Alyta . They surrounded the forest and searched all over for us . We fled out of the forest , but four people awaited us . I turned around and ran in the other direction . The women followed me . Yankel Bernstein , who was also hiding with us , was shot and could not continue . We fled for about a mile , hearing dogs barking and gunshots from behind . Our strength exhausted , we ran into the Chertovo swamp . It was treacherous , but we had no option . Kovalsky 's son , Yankele , and some other Jews were caught . The search for us was abandoned because they confused those people with us . Death had once again brushed us by , tagging someone else ; but the only thing on my mind at the time was where to go next . In the morning I cautiously emerged from the swamp to investigate the situation regarding the smaugiks . I went to the Maldanis house and knocked on their door , but no one answered . I knocked louder and the door opened . I ran away so fast I thought my neck would snap . When I got back to the women , we all went to Gukevich . We spent the next day near his house , and in the evening I asked him to go to the Maldanis family to find out what was happening . ( Slavinsky , who lived in the Parankava village , later told how the police had made him dig a hole before they shot Bernstein . He testified that Bernstein was asked who had given him food and shelter from September 1941 until June 1942 . The police promised him his life in exchange for this information , but Bernstein refused and was executed . ) From the Lithuanians and Poles I found out how far the Germans had conquered Russia . I heard that the Germans were retreating again . They had reached the very heart of the country . Even if the Russians were to save Moscow , Lithuania would probably remain under German power . What would we do if this happened ? I tried not to think about that and concentrated on getting food for ourselves . From Gukevich we went to Randomanski . He hid us in his field . There , in the rye , we remained almost the whole summer . But when the rye was harvested , we had to leave . During those autumn nights I searched for any source of food , often with Tsila 's sister Riva . We went barefoot so we could feel tire tracks on the ground . These were usually made by the trucks driven by " protectors . " When we reached the various houses , Riva would ask for bread while I inquired about the neighbors . In this way I would recall the people who used to be friends of our family , and I 'd go to those houses the following day . I rewarded these people with anything I had that they desired . That was how I bought life for myself . Many Poles and even Lithuanians helped us out of their good natures . Others helped because they were afraid God would consider it a sin if they refused . Markauskas , a Lithuanian , hid three Jews . After the incident with the Golombewskis , he went to Butrimantz to get advice from Andrikonis , a clergyman , on whether he was doing the right thing by keeping the Jews there . The clergyman Andrikonis was an honest man and a true believer in God . He liked people of all kinds , whether they were Lithuanians , Poles or Jews . After the war he helped us build a memorial on the location of the mass grave of the Jews of Butrimantz . I remember the words he spoke at the site : " When I look at all this destruction , I feel ashamed that I am a Lithuanian . " We spent the winter of 1942 - 1943 with Mamortas Alishauskas in Yanova . He kept us solely for the money he expected to receive . I paid him in small amounts every four days . I told him I had to beg for the money . If he had known that I was using my own funds , he would have taken everything and reported us . We spent the summer of 1943 out in the fields and woods again . In the winter we returned to Mamortas ' house . Once Tsila told me she had overheard him talking with his wife , who was saying , Go and take a look at her coat . he must have some gold sewn into it . saw it myself . on 't be a fool , Mamortas . urn them in . u We did not stay to find out what Mamortas ' decision would be . I gathered the women and we rushed over to Kulesh , an old friend of mine who lived close to Alishauskas . He refused to let us in . Shwabowski allowed us in . He sold stolen goods and made alcohol himself . In other words , he was the kind of person who didn 't hesitate to take risks . We stayed with him until the end of the war . It is very difficult to recollect everything we endured , to recall the faces of those who died and to whom we were so close . . . . Thank God this won 't happen again . We now have Israel . |
Ever wonder what it 's like to live overseas ? Want tips on traveling in Europe ? Find out by following the adventures of two crazy Americans who packed up their five children and moved to Dusseldorf , Germany . Well , I have some updates to make , but no time right now . So I thought I would quickly post a few pictures of some art that the kids have done and then brought home from schools . This first one is from Hannah . As you can see , it is an Easter Basket with Grass . Inside is a bunny and a colored Egg . This is also from Hannah , as you can see her name on the pot . Whatever is planted is already starting to sprout . I guess we will all be surprised on what actually pops out . Both Shantal and Spencer brought one of these home today from school . Shantal made both of these this week at school . They are really cute in person . They are to hang on a tree . A big thing here at Easter time , to decorate trees . This is our door to our backyard . The kids used paints on it for a Family Activity . We got these paints a few years ago from Grandma Wheeler . I also have some pictures I took of Ian this past week . Some are just too cute not to share ! Posted by So I forgot to mention something . The other day , I mentioned I saw Ian getting ready to jump out of his pack n play that has a bassinet in it . Well , we did take the bassinet off the pack n play that night . It really scared me that he was going to fall out . We also moved Ian 's bed out of my room and into Spencer 's room . He is definately growing . Here is a picture of Ian trying to climb up the two steps between the living room and dining room . They are marble and it also scares me of him falling . Here are two pictures of Ian eating Mashed Potatoes for the first time tonight . So today was a very nice day outside ! It does not happen that often that it is warm enough and dry enough to go outside . I took Emma to the park two times . Once before I picked up the kids from school and another this afternoon when we all went to the park together . Emma loves going to the park . Her favorite thing is the slide . Ian is eating some foods now . This last week , I introduced him to Mashed Potatoes , fried potatoes , crackers , bananas , cheerios and bread . And of course , you can not forget the pretzels he used to get from Emma or off the floor in weeks past . He totally loves food . He smiles so big and does this mmmmm sound . People at church were laughing yesterday because I was feeding him bread and he kept doing it real loud . I picked up Hannah from school today . And she said to me . . . . Mom , I started going to the bathroom at school . I 've gone three times now I think . OK , you might think this to be strange , but this is my girl who last year in preschool would go in her pants instead of using the bathroom at school . She would hold it as long as she could and hope she could make it home . She never went to the bathroom in Preschool or Kindergarten in Utah . So this is a huge step . Once she does something she is afraid of doing or something she does not let herself do , then she does it all the time . I don 't know why she never let herself go to the bathroom at school before , I 'm just glad she does now . This was a big hurdle and I told her I was proud of her . It is official ! We have lived here in Germany for 6 months . It is crazy to think how fast time has gone , how much life has changed in that short span of time and all the trials we have endured . It has been a lot harder moving over here than I personally thought it would . I think it has brought us as a family closer together , even though it seems like there is also more fighting than before . Not only have we had to adjust to the culture , the language , dogs , the food and everything Germany has to offer , we have also had to adjust to having 5 kids in the family , since Ian was only 3 weeks old when we flew over here . And we have had to learn how to live as a family again , since the kids and I lived apart from Gardner for four months . The kids don 't get out and play with friends on a daily basis like they did in Wisconsin . They are kind of isolated . The weather is so terrible , like one constant rain that never ends . So they are usually inside the house . And I think those things help to bring the fighting to a higher level between them . I really hope that spring and summer are about here and they can get out more . They have all started to have play dates with friends , which helps . They all now have roller blades and they all enjoy doing that . None of their bikes made it on the boat over here , along with many other things that could not fit . But we do have a park real close and so they can always go over there to get their outside needs met . Gardner 's job is great here . He really enjoys it . The atmosphere is so different than that in Wisconsin . He is happy again and that is real important . When Gardner is happy , we are all happy . So , six months in , I am still glad we came here . I know it has been hard on me and especially the kids . But I also know there are things we each like about being here . I told the kids to think about those things they like about being here . As soon as school gets out , I will ask them for their answers and update this entry with their responses . How is that for a title ? Everything Goes In The Mouth ! Yes , we have hit that stage with Ian . I had forgotten about this stage somehow . I keep pulling things out of his mouth . He gets the biggest wads of paper in there . No matter what it is , he tries to bite it , suck on it and insert it . It is so hard to keep the floors clean . I vacuum everyday . But somehow , with so many people in this house , the floors always have something on them . I remember when Shantal and Spencer were this little , I was able to keep the floors empty and free of tiny objects . But somehow , with Ian , it is harder . Something else I just noticed today . It is time to move his bed down . Well , actually , it is a pack n play . We have a pack n play in the living room where he usually sleeps during the day . And then his crib is up on the 3rd floor . Well , the pack n play has a bassinet feature that we have been using . Well , today , I saw Ian and I jumped real fast . He was almost out of the bed . He has started to climb up on things . Sometimes that is real dangerous . He gets up on these laundry baskets we have and then the edge of the laundry basket always gets under his neck . We have marble floors in our house and we have 2 steps between the living room and dining room . He is always pulling himself up on these two steps . I am so afraid of him getting hurt . As for Ian 's Crib , it is up in our room . I think it is time for it to be moved out of our room and into Spencer 's room . We have never had a baby sleep in our room so long before . But with the set up of this house and the different levels that the sleeping rooms are on , it was easier to keep him there while I breastfed him . I am still breastfeeding him , but he needs to be moved . . . . . eventually . He is 6 months old , and it is time for him to hopefully start sleeping through the night . So today , Gardner showed up home from work at 2pm . He is sick . I think he has the flu that the other kids have all experienced . Saturday he felt sick , but not like this . I went to the church tonight for a women 's night out . I was gone 3 hours . I made dinner before I left and they were just getting ready to sit down and eat when I walked out the door . When I came back , dinner was still at the table , dishes still in the sink , the house a disaster and all the kids still up . Gardner said he was just trying not to die . That is how sick he feels . I think he will be spending a day at home tomorrow and then he should feel good enough to go to work again on Friday . That is if the pattern repeats itself . Meaning , if it is the same as everyone else in the family . So , as some of you know . . . . . . I have an addiction . Oh , don 't some of you act so shocked ! I probably have more than I 'm telling . But this time , I am talking about my pretzel addiction . While I was pregnant with Emma , that is one of the only things that made the nausea go away . I gained 50 pounds with Emma . But afterwards , still had 20 to lose when I got pregnant with Ian . I swore , I would not start on pretzels again . Well , as sick as I was I almost did not have a choice . While in the hospital is when I started up on them again . ( For those that did not know , I was being fed through an I . V . for a month ) . Anyway , since that time , I still have not given up on those pretzels . Currently , we go through a bag of pretzels each day . Luckily , those pretzels are only 40 cents . Granted they are smaller bags than in America . But still , I can not survive so well without them . ANYWAY . . . . my point is , I have tried to cut back on my pretzel addiction . But that has not worked . I crave those pretzels and I break down and open a new pack . So , I have decided to go cold turkey and simply not eat them anymore . And that is starting tomorrow . I have already been craving them again tonight , but have no more in the house . And there are no plans on bringing them back into this house either . If thePosted by So , Ian was up during the night sick . He started throwing up around midnight and it went through out the night . It became what I call a two man operation . I would hold Ian , kind of in a crawling position , while Gardner would hold a bowl under his chin to catch most of it . The poor boy . I felt so bad for him . Listening to him made me sad . He would gag and do the dry heaving after awhile . But throught out the day , he seemed to be doing a lot better . I was worried about not breastfeeding him so often . But tonight , he seemed to be back up to normal eating routine . This morning , I bought myself some Roller Blades . I am very excited about this . I have gained a bit of weight being pregnant with Emma and Ian . And this summer , I want to try and get back down to my pre - pregnancy weight . I am hoping that roller blading will help . I have never roller bladed before . I have , however , Roller skated and of course , Ice Skated . So I hope I will be able to enjoy this activity . Plus , my three older kids have blades and we can go out together . My plan is to have Gardner watch the two smaller kids while I get out . I hope his work schedule co - operates . Here is something I just thought of while typing . The teachers at Hannah 's school really LOVE Emma . They are so excited that Emma always wants to be a the school . She never wants to leave when I am ready to go after dropping off Hannah . And when picking up Hannah , she wants to stay and play as well . The kids are usually outside playing when I pick up Hannah . They lock their gates so the parents can not come into the play yard until it is the correct time . Then they come and unlock it . Well , lately , they have been unlocking the gate and letting Emma come in and participate with all the other kids . When Hannah unlocked the gate today , she told me . . . . . Only Emma gets to come in . It was too cute . So I have been going about 15 minutes early and watching Emma play on the slide ( her Favorite thing to do ) . She has also sat around the sandbox with the other kids and sang songs . Usually sitting on HaPosted by OK , it is a bad thing sometimes that I let too much time pass by between my entries , because my mind is not so good at remembering what happened 10 minutes ago , let a lone , a few days ago . One thing is , yesterday , almost the whole family broke out with the flu . Started out at 4am when I heard someone throwing up . It was Shantal . Then at 6 am , Emma started in . In total , Emma threw up yesterday 4 times . Then Gardner started getting nauseated , and then Spencer started throwing up . He insists that he threw up 6 times , but he was only in the bathroom one time . Needless to say , we canceled everything we had planned for yesterday and I ran and did all the grocery shopping and just spent a day at home with homemade Chicken Noodle Soup . That and the Star Wars Marathon . Who could ask for better remedies when sick ? Also , we started making fires in our fire place for the first time yesterday . It started getting cold again here and is supposed to snow . But we have not seen that yet . Well , our heat is turned off in our house already . It gets pretty cold , especially at night . So right now , the kids are sleeping in the living room where it is a bit warmer due to the fire . I still brave the cold because there is nothing better than my own bed . I was going to say , the kids love the fires and keep asking if they can roast marshmallows . We don 't have those here in Germany . They are so sad about that . They want to make smores . Yet , we don 't have graham crackers either . Some how , they don 't understand the concept of not having all the ingredients because they still ask . Hannah went and saw the Psycologist on Thursday morning . Frau Haley is who she saw and she is an American . She said hannah did really good . She talked quite a bit to her . The fact that Frau Haley knows I have kissed a dolphin , Hannah 's favorite Icecream is Mint Chocolate Chip and her favorite color is Pink was more than I expected . She is having Hannah come back in a month and she is going to have 3 or 4 other children there to have them interact with each other . We willPosted by OK . . . . today I decided I HATE ( yes , I know it is a strong word ! ) German Doors . German doors are made where you can not open the door up from the outside with out a key . So when it closes it automatically is locked . I know what you are thinking , I locked myself out . Not so . The kids have been playing outside a lot the past two days since the weather has been OUTSTANDING ! It actually feels like spring outside . They can go out without coats . Yesterday , Shantal even put shorts on . Well , with going outside , comes a lot of the in and out game . They go out to roller blade . Then they want in to get their shoes to ride their scooters and bikes . They are outside , then they want in to go to the bathroom . They are outside , and they want to come in to get a drink . They are outside and want to come in to tattle on something one of the others did that they did not agree with . You get my point . Well , with three of them outside , they NEVER want in at the same exact moment . And today I was getting frustrated . It seemed like someone was constantly at the door . I was trying to breastfeed Ian and someone wanted something . It really was getting to me by the time the afternoon was over and time for them to come in anyway . I want them to be able to go out and be with friends . But man , the door thing drives me batty ! On another note , I took Emma to the park this morning while the kids were at school . She just loved it . We have a park kind of across the street from our house . It is across and up just a bit . Anyway , I took Ian 's carseat to the car first because I knew I needed to go get Hannah from school . Emma kept telling me , " this way " for the park . She really is talking a lot . Yes , a lot of it is Emma talk . Meaning , you might not be able to understand the words she is saying . But we as a family sure understand her . It is amazing how one can decifer what is being said sometimes . It is so fun to watch her vocabulary expand . I really wish her screaming would decress as her words increase . But so far , that does not seem to be the case . Another tPosted by Well , Shantal 's first day in Spencer 's class went WONDERFULLY ! I talked to the teacher today and she said that Spencer was real cute when Shantal came into the class . He about tackled her on the ground from hugging her . He is real happy to have her there . And the kids were real excited as well , Especially the girls in the class . Shantal 's best friend from her 3rd grade class has a sister in the 2nd grade class . I think Shantal and the sister will end up being good friends as well . Hannah was sick again this morning . She decided not to go to school . She was a bit sad about this . I was surprised by her reaction . I went ahead and took Shantal and Spencer to school , as I had to go and sign a form for Shantal to switch classes . When I came home , I asked Hannah if she wanted to go to school . Once again , I was amazed when she said Yes . So I ran her to school . Then , this afternoon , Hannah had her " get to know you " day at the Elementary School . All the principal said was Thanks for coming . We will call your child 's name and they will go with such n such teacher . Then the parents will pick up their kids at 5pm . Well , Hannah started crying . When they called her name , she screamed . She wanted me to stay . Well , I carried her into her class she was supposed to be in . Sat in a chair with her on my lap . But the teacher said this was something Hannah needed to do a lone . I agreed . Anyway , I told one of the teachers that I would stand outside for 5 minutes to see how it would go as Hannah was screaming again . The teacher came out and got me because it was hindering the other kids . So I took Hannah out and was talking to her . She wanted to go in but did not want anyone to look at her . I told her that is not something anyone can control . People look at us all the time . After half an hour , Hannah did go back in . She did not want to participate or talk . She only wanted to watch and see what they were doing . I said that was fine with me . She stayed there the rest of the time which was 45 minutes and only watched . I was just happy she wePosted by Yes , I promise , this one will be quick and short . I am too tired but knew I had to sit down and do a small update . First off , Spencer DID in fact lose his tooth already . And yes , it was as I said it would be . . . . before he went to bed . Do I know my kids or what ? He was in the middle of watching a movie and came up to me and showed me his tooth . He left his tooth on the counter and in the morning , he found a nice , shiney 1 Euro coin in exchange where his tooth once was . He did ask me in the morning where the tooth was . My answer : In a bag on that shelf . Yes , I keep all their teeth . They are all labeled with the date they came out . I 'm weird . Tonight I got a phone call from Frau Lurz ( Shantal 's Teacher ) . She said that Shantal can start tomorrow in the 2nd grade . She is going to be in the same class as Spencer , with Frau Hueserich . Shantal cried when I told her . She thought she had a couple of weeks before the switch was happening . But she delt with it in her own way . She went upstairs to be a lone . About 1 / 2 hour later , I went to check on her . She was in the middle of making a book for her class to tell them she was leaving their class but she would see them at recess . It was a great idea she had and totally made herself feel better . She is definately happy that she will get out of school earlier everyday . Hannah has been sick today with a stomach ache . And then Emma and Ian both have colds again . I don 't know if I have ever mentioned our Heat issues in this house . But let 's just say , we have been so hot . We have heated floors and are not allowed to touch the temperature for it . The landlord hires out and has someone come in and take care of it . This man has been out 4 times in the last 2 weeks . Finally , the house is not hot anymore . . . . . but it is cold . So the kids are cold at night and the two smaller ones can not adjust so well I suppose . We are going to live with it being cold . We have been on the hot side and it costs too much money to keep it that way . Plus , we are hoping for spring . So , I failed to mention that on Monday , I taught Spencer how to tie shoes . I know . . . . he is 8 years old and should already have known how to do this . But thanks to the invention of Velcro , I have never taught my kids how to do this . But since the kids are getting bigger , it is harder to find velcro shoes . Shantal learned while in Wisconsin . Only she did not learn it from me . She learned it from watching other kids at school tie their shoes and then tried it over and over again . Spencer was getting very frustrated . He wanted to learn so badly . He kept saying it was hard . I told him I knew it was not easy . Then he would comment that it looked easy . Well , after about half hour of trying , he got it . Then he kept practicing . He has now worn his new shoes for 2 days . And he is the only one who has tied those shoes . Good for him ! Spencer has a tooth that is almost out as well . It is one of his top teeth . I am sure he will have it out tonight . He plays with it continually until it is out . He won 't even go to sleep until he has managed to pull it out . It really grosses me out . I can 't stand to see it hanging , to touch it , wiggle it , none of it . My kids think it is funny that I get the ewwws from this . They laugh everytime . Spencer asked me today if I knew how much the tooth fairy would be giving him once the tooth comes out . I said , probably a Euro . He said , " oh , I thought it would be more " . He knows who the tooth fairy is . But we talk in code since Hannah does not . He got more than a Euro last time he lost one when we lived in Duesseldorf . But I kept forgetting to pay him , so I felt the tooth fairy owed him interest . Happy Birthday Gardner ! We all got up this morning and before we left for school , we called Gardner in Sweden and sang " Happy Birthday " to him . The kids really enjoyed that . Then they all sent him some e - birthday cards . It was fun watching them choose which one they wanted to send . Spencer sent one where you have to put the tail on the monkey . Shantal sent one that talked about a date at home watching tv and that she would get all the fun on HIS birthday . And then Hannah sent a cute bear card that talked about smiles , presents and a great day . Very interesting how they were all different . Did you also know that today is Chocolate Cheesecake Day ? How about Dentist Day ? As I was looking for just the right card for Gardner , it showed us what special days were coming up . And these are today . Tomorrow is Cereal Day . The first Tuesday of every month , there is a local church that has a youth activity for the kids . Today they made Pizza . Shantal has been going for a few months now . You have to be 6 to go and now that Hannah is six , she was able to attend if she wanted . Well , she wanted to . But then when it was time to go , she decided to stay home . But she wanted to go with me to drop Shantal off . While doing so , I talked her into staying . When I came back for them , Hannah was having so much fun with all the girls . You could hear both my girls just talking a lot , including Hannah . We really need to find more activities for them to be involved in . And Hannah was actually invited to go with a few girls from her Kindergarten class to their dance class tomorrow . That way she could check it out . Well , when another girls mom asked Hannah today if she was interested in this , Hannah said , " I like Dancing " . It was nice . This mom also invited Hannah over to play again this week . I am so glad she is taking an interest in helping Hannah get more settled . Hannah needs that . So last night , Shantal and Spencer had Scouts . Here in Germany , scouts are combined , girls and boys . Well , they were both kicked out and told they could not come agaPosted by So Gardner left very early this morning to fly to Sweden . He will be back Wednesday late . I guess I should feel lucky he will be back Wednesday instead of Thursday like before . I keep telling Gardner we are a team player when it comes to his work . Anything they need from him , I think he needs to help out , for the most part . And right now , they need him in Sweden . Once again , we don 't know how long this assignment will be for . I guess maybe Gardner will have more of an idea when he gets back . Our goal for Gardner is to get a promotion at work . And in order for that to happen , he needs to focus more on the company and not so much on our family like he did in Wisconsin . This morning , I took Spencer and Shantal to school and went inside with the smaller three kids to talk to the Principal of the school about moving Shantal to the 2nd grade . At first , she was saying that Shantal has made some great friends in her class and if I did not think that Shantal could catch up . And then she proceeded to ask me how long we are planning on living in Germany . I told her perhaps 5 years . Then she mentioned then it might be a good idea because she can not move on out of Elementary school without the basic fundementals , which right now , Shantal does not know . Then she asked perhaps maybe Shantal stay where she is at , move on to the 4th grade and then repeat the 4th grade . But by the end of our meeting , she was in agreement that Shantal needed to go to the 2nd grade and not hold out . She needs to talk with Shantal 's teacher though as she had not heard this information before . I mentioned that her teacher wanted her to wait until Parent Teacher Conferences ( 3 weeks away ) before making a final decision . But I told her how important it is for her to move NOW not in 3 weeks . The Principal also asked me which class we would want her moved to since there are 3 of them . I let her know that after long talks with Gardner and a lot of prayer , we decided it would be best to put Shantal in Spencer 's class . She agreed this would be a good move foPosted by Today I picked up Shantal from school because it was raining . Since Spencer gets out so early on Thursdays ( 10 : 45am . . . . NO JOKE ! ) , I left Emma and Ian with him while I ran to get Hannah from Kindergarten and then on to get Shantal . I got there about 10 minutes early so decided to walk in and get her . I decided to take the time and ask Shantal 's teacher how things were going . She said that Shantal is really struggling with the German . And with that , she is wondering if it would not be better if Shantal moved to the 2nd grade . I mentioned to her that Gardner and I have been having some of the same thoughts but were conflicted about what was really best for Shantal . Frau Lurz ( Shantal 's Teacher ) said that parent teacher conferences are in three weeks and she would like to see how Shantal does within the next three weeks and then we can all discuss it in further detail . She has so many teachers spending one on one time with Shantal and wants to see where that goes and how well Shantal takes to it . Well , Shantal heard this and started freaking out . She does NOT want to move to the 2nd class . This is the same girl who did not want to be in the 3rd class when we moved into our house . She has a friend in her class who she really wants to stay with . I need to explain to her that there is only one more year and then they will all move onto different schools anyway . I told Shantal that we all just want to do what is best for her . And her strong reply was , " the only good thing for me is to move back to America ! " The thing is , and I know I have said it before , school here in Germany is way ahead of school in America . Spencer has already learned the math here in Germany that Shantal still does not know . Multiplication and Division . If she moved back , she would have time to still learn those things that she does not know and has not had the chance to learn . It would give her an extra year to work on her writing skills , which cursive is a must here in Germany . And she has been fighting to actually write that way because she is noPosted by |
Country Humor . The Good ? ? Ole Days . Just a collection of stories , thoughts and memories of growing up in oklahoma . Most of them will involve my best friend of the last 55 years , Stanley Johnson . I hope one day to have his versions on here also because I 'm sure our memories don 't always match . We 'll have to see how this one goes over . I sent Up North off to Nik to see if he 's interested . I have the rough draft on Lulu . com but I 'd really rather see it published by Solstice . For those of you who have read the first eight chapters on here could you give me a little feed back on what you think of it ? Here it was the last week of July and I 'd been working on the place since the first of April trying to get everything ready for winter . The cabin was as snug as I was going to be able to get it . The garden was doing well and I was even getting a few green beans from it . I was planning on letting everything grow as long as I could then save as much as I could for winter . I had quite a few smoked and dried fish and was already getting a little tired of fish suppers . I knew I was going to have to go to town at least once more before bad weather set in and stock up on a few supplies . The problem was that I was a little short on cash . I had around a hundred dollars worth of gold I had panned out of the creek and I had made a few bucks from putting on a fish dinner for a couple of the fishing trips that had come down the river . I was still going to need quite a bit more to make sure I had what I needed to get through the winter . One of the things I was going to need was traps . If I could get enough of them I 'd be able to make money that winter with a trap line . I had already seen pine martens , fox , wolverine , ermine and two Lynx and that 's not counting the wolf pack that came through about once a month . I decided the best way to make a little money would be panning for gold again . I hadn 't really had time to put in a good trip other than the one up to the waterfall a couple of months ago . This time I planned on being gone at least a week panning the creek as I went and trying to find the best places . If I could find a really good spot to pan I could set up camp there and work the area until I thought I had enough . There was color in just about every spot I had looked in the creek but such a small amount you could work all day for a few penny weights and I was looking for a spot I could find ounces . I knew that was going to be real hard no matter how far I went or how hard I work because all I had was my gold pan . I was really wishing for a good sluice box or even a dredge but wishing for it wasn 't going to make them appear so I was stuck with what I had . I packed everything up and headed out at daylight . That seemed to be my normal starting time for two reasons , number one I could cover more country by getting an early start and number two I just liked walking through the woods as the sun came up . You 'd be surprised at what you can see at that time of the day . A lot of the night animals are headed back to their dens for the day . The birds are just coming out to start feeding for the day . No matter what country I 'm in be it deep woods or the high desert daylight has always been my favorite time of the day . Just on the trip to the waterfall I got to see three Moose one a cow with two calves . There was one nice size river otter playing in the pool below the water fall . I sat on a log and watched him swimming around the pool then dive down and come up with a trout . The fire pit was still there from the last time I had been to this pool so I decided to spend the night there , do a little panning and maybe a little fishing but mainly I just wanted to relax and see if I could spot any more wildlife . I went up to a small meadow and found a nice size patch of blue berries with quite a few of them ripe . On the way back to the creek I happened across some chanterelle mushrooms and since this is about the only kind of wild mushrooms that I know are safe I gathered all of them I could find . Now that had the beginning of a good meal . I had to make a detour to a beaver pond off the main creek and gather some cat tails . You can eat most of the cat tails including the roots but I was looking for some nice green ones . You can peel the inner core out of them and either eat them raw or drop them in a pan along with the mushrooms . The nutty taste of the tails goes really well with the shrooms . When I got back to the pool I spent just enough time fishing to catch one trout . There is just enough fat on a trout to add him in with the shrooms and the cat tails in one pan . I was going to have coffee with the meal but since I had only brought a little with me I decided to have willow baI had found a tiny bit of color below the waterfall but I still had a long way to go before I would even be close to an ounce so the next morning I headed on up the creek . I had been up this far before and found a couple of good spots in the bedrock but this time I wanted to do a little sightseeing so I passed by that area and moved up to new country . I was climbing pretty steadily and by the end of the second day I found an open meadow where I could look back and see the river shining in the distance . This is the first time I had been this far east of the cabin and had no Idea of what lay ahead . I knew if I went far enough I would be in Canada and the only way I would know it would be when I met a Mountie . I wasn 't worried about getting lost as long as I followed the creek . I had passed several waterfalls and rapids that day but the creek didn 't look much smaller than it had back on the first day . I knew there was gold in the creek but with the swift and deep water there just wasn 't anyplace I could get to with my pan . I needed , and hoped I would find an area of bed rock the creek had cut through without being too deep . I was really tired from the hike that day and it was starting to look like it was going to rain so for my camp that night I found a grove of trees away from the creek that I hoped would shed any rain . I only had one tarp with me and if I needed I could always wrap up in it to keep the rain off . I 'm not sure what woke me up that night but as soon as I was awake I could hear something moving around in the trees . It had started to rain very lightly and my fire was just about out . I was trying to slowly push some more firewood on it when I heard a woofing and clacking noise very close by . I had been up here long enough to recognize that noise . Somewhere in this grove of trees with me was a bear . I knew he was agitated from the sounds he was making but with the rain and him moving around in the tree I couldn 't tell exactly where he was at . I set up as slowly as I could and leaned my back against a tree . Thank god I hadn 't wrapped myself up in the tarp yet nor was my sleeping bag zipped all the way . Once I was against the tree I was able to shrug the sleeping bag down and reaching out with one hand as able to pull my rifle to me . One thing I had learned was never to go anywhere in that country with an unloaded gun so all I had to do was flick the safety off and I was as ready as I 'd ever be . The bear had stopped making any noise during this time . I wasn 't sure if he had taken off while I was getting myself against the tree or if he was standing just the other side of the fire watching me . I didn 't have any choice though , I had to have some more light . Holding the rifle in my right hand I was able to just reach my stack of fire wood with the left . I tried to ease the branches into the fire making as little noise and movement as I could . I got five or six sticks on the fire when I heard him moving to my left . I had seen quite a few bears since I had been up here . A couple of them scared me and a few even amused me but there is nothing but solid fear when you 're sitting with both your legs wrapped in a sleeping bag , in the dark trying to see a bear that as far as you know may be standing close enough to you to swat you with a paw . Then I heard him moving in front of me just as the fire flared up and there he was , or at least there were his eyes . He was just across the fire from me moving to the rigI eased my hand down and shoved a couple more branches in the fire even though I knew it wouldn 't stop him if he decided to charge . Thank God I had decided to sleep next to the tree because if he did charge he would have to come at me from the front and that would give me a very slim chance . The very last thing I wanted to do was to have to shoot at him . I knew that at best I would only get one shot and I was under no illusions that I was going to come out of it unhurt if at all . I think the part that scared me the most was the he kept clacking his teeth as he stared at me which usually means they 're really excited and getting ready to charge . I was afraid to even bring the gun up and aim at him because that little extra movement might be enough to sit him off . He kept moving back and forth in front of me of what seemed like hours . He would clack his teeth and every once in awhile make the woofing sounds and come a few steps closer . Each time he did that I thought it was over but before I could raise the rifle he would back off again . Then it was over . It seemed like I was staring right at him when I blinked my eyes and he was gone . I was afraid to move . Afraid he might still be there so I sat against that tree pushing wood into the fire until it finally got light enough to see . I was soaked from the rain and my eyes were gritty feeling from trying to stare back under the trees . Once it was light enough to see I had almost convinced myself that it had been a nightmare until I moved around the fire and could see the tracks he had left in the muddy ground . I have no idea how big he was but I spread my fingers out as far as I could and put them in one of his prints which were over twice the size of my hand . I gathered my stuff up and got myself out of there just as fast as I could . I don 't know why I reacted like that but I was four hours up the creek before I even slowed down . For the first hour I was just about running and jumping at every little noise . I went as far as I could before I just collapsed on the ground . Part of me wanted to cry from relief and another part wanted to laugh , I think I did a little of each . Once I finally got calmed down enough to pay attention I couldn 't figure out why I had reacted that way . For one thing it was over and the bear had left at least a couple of hours before my mad dash up the creek . For another thing I had no idea why I had run UP the creek instead of back toward the cabin . They only tracks I had checked were the ones by the fire so I really had no idea which way the bear had gone . For all I knew I might be running along right behind him . It still took another hour for me to get calmed down and take a look around at where I was which wasn 't a bad place . I had somehow managed to stop right at a place I had been looking for . The creek had spread out to only a few inches deep and was running over a section of bedrock a few hundred feet long . As I got my breath back and started checking things out I realized this was going to be a good spot for prospecting . I spent most of the rest of the day fixing up a camp even going so far as to drag a bunch of drift wood over and lay it out in a circle around the camp . Nothing would be able to get close to me without my hearing it . I also stacked enough fire wood to last at least three nights . I wasn 't I didn 't get back to normal until the fourth pan the next morning when I found a few pickers and one decent sizes nugget in my gold pan . Even being scared to death was no match for gold fever . I stayed there for the next three days working till well after dark and just taking time out from panning to grab a quick bite . I had to quit then because I realized that if I didn 't catch a fish or something it was going to get real hungry by the time I made it back to the cabin . I hated to stop but by then I had well over an ounce of gold . I piled up some rocks and marked the spot as best I could on the map planning on filing a claim the next time I went to town . I wasn 't too worried about anyone else messing with the spot as I had seen no sign of another person even being in the same country since I had left the cabin . For all the excitement on the trip up I had a totally uneventful trip back home . I spent one cold hungry night before I got back to the waterfall and managed to catch a couple of trout but other than that it was a walk in the park . The biggest wildlife I even saw was one beaver and a few pine squirrels . Everything looked normal when I got back to the cabin . I had left the cellar door open to keep the fish stealing bears out and it seems it had worked . The only thing that surprised me was a note on the door . I seems that some guy had been on his way to Circle from Fort Yukon and had turned his canoe over . He had found the trail to the cabin and came up to see if anyone was there . His note apologized for going in but it sounds like he was soaked and I know how that feels . Nothing was missing although my dishes had been cleaned and stacked on the counter . I figure he 'd got something to eat while his cloths dried out . His name was on the note and he told me where to find him in Circle . The next day I went down to the river and put up a flag I used to get James 's attention when he was on the river . I was getting lazy and I thought I 'd give it a couple of days to see if he stopped by . I could catch a ride with him either to circle or Fort Yukon and see if I could sell my gold and restock on supplies and traps . Surprisingly as I was on the porch having a cup the next morning he came walking up the trail . He had a couple of other guys with him and I found out they had been on a fishing trip down river and were headed back to Circle when they saw the flag . He told me he 's be happy to give me a ride as long as I didn 't mind staying the night because he wouldn 't be headed back down river until the next day . How could I argue it was a one day trip to town with his jet boat versus up to three days up and two days back with my canoe ? It was my first ride in his jet boat and let me tell you , it was exciting . All the rapids that I had to carry my canoe around we just went powering through . There was one spot I don 't believe was part of his normal trip , I think he was just showing off because we went through a couple of big rocks where there was not over a couple of inches on each side of the boat . It was dark by the time we pulled up to the docks and I helped James get his fishermen unloaded and back to their cabin . I ended up spending the night at James 's house . I got to meet his wife and two kids and had the first home cooked , by someone else , meal that I had enjoyed in over four months . As much as I enjoyed being at the cabin and out by myself it was really nice to visit with other people that night . I headed down to the store the next morning to see if I could sell my gold and pick up the supplies and be ready to head back down river by the time James was ready . Not only could I sell it but I had a little over nine hundred dollars worth . Plenty for the supplies I needed plus a few extras . An odd thing happened while I was at the store . When I filled out the paperwork for the gold the store owner saw my name and told me he had something for me . I had no idea what it might have been but I followed him out behind the store . I didn 't see anything out there that I thought he might be talking about until he pointed at a sixteen foot canoe . He told me a guy had come in a few days before who was going back to the states and wanted to leave some stuff for the guy that owned the cabin down river . It seems he had found my name in the cabin . It seems it was the guy who had turned his canoe over . Since he was headed back to the states he had left me his canoe and half a dozen traps as a thank you for using my cabin . I thought that was really nice of him although I didn 't mind him using the cabin to get warmed up the canoe actually worked our well . James had four guys going fishing that day and between all their gear there wasn 't a lot of room in his boat . By having the new canoe we were able to put all my stuff in it and tow it behind his boat . I have to admire the way he can run his . At one of the rapids he turned his backwards and let my canoe go ahead of us down the rapids keeping just enough power to his for control . If I had been running his I would have smashed both of them . No I had even more work to do getting the traps ready for that winter . I had trapped in the snow down home but from what I was hearing and what I had seen the winter before I had never tried it in the kind of snow Alaska had . I was a little apprehensive but looking forward to it at the same time . I also needed to harvest my garden . I took most of the onions and hung them from the rafters in the cabin along with the peppers . The potatoes were looking good and after I dug them out they went in the root cellar . I was really hoping the bears would leave them alone . I was surprised that I got almost two bushels of pinto beans as I really didn 't think they would even grow up there . Just to be on the safe side I went up to the beaver pond and spent a day digging cat tails . The roots may not be the best tasting thing in the world but they are filling . The one bit of bad news I had was from James . He was talking to his fishermen the night he was here and remarked to them that during the winter the Yukon would freeze . I knew it was going to get really cold but I never even though about a river the size of the Yukon freezing . It was going to be an interesting winter . The book is now out in e - book and print versions , not much else I can do but just wait and see if anyone wants to buy it . I 'm not totally sure but I think you can go to any book store and have them order it for you . The print version is just on Solctice right now , it will take a couple of week to be up on Amazon . Everything was going fine at the cabin . The garden was growing pretty good even thought I 'd had to gather driftwood from the river and build a fence around it to keep the rabbits out . I was looking forward to cold weather when I 'd be able to have a nice rabbit stew for supper . The temperature was up in the 70 's which I think surprised me the most as I wasn 't expecting it to be there this far north . One thing I did need before the weather turned cold was to fix my cache . It was working pretty good with my stuff stacked on it and tarp covering it but I was planning on using it to store meat for the winter and I needed something a little more substantial that a tarp . I had the existing platform just a little over fifteen feet above the ground . Since the tallest claw marks I had seen so far from a bear was about ten foot I figured I 'd be ok at that height . I over laid the platform with another layer of logs to get it out to eight feet by eight feet and built another cabin on top of it . This was a whole lot easier said than done . I had to carry each log up the ladder one at a time and fit them to the walls . I had over half of them done when my home made ladder decided to break as I was half way up with another one . I didn 't get hurt from the fall other than my wounded pride but I did have to stop and build another ladder . Once I had the walls and the roof completed I had to build one more ladder because I forgot that the one I had wasn 't long enough to reach the top . At least I was able to carry a bundle of shingles up at one time which saved a lot of upping and downing . It was a real pain to chink the logs that high though . I had to mix the mud and straw one bucket at a time and was only able to work as far as I could reach from the ladder . I 'd already fallen the one time and I sure didn 't want to do it again . I finally finished after four daylight to dark days and was relaxing on the porch when I decided I 'd build a root cellar . My plan was if I built the cellar I could keep any veggies I might have in that . Then the cache would only have to be for meat which was the main thing I was worried about the bears getting . Plus I wouldn 't have to climb the ladder for the little stuff . I knew that digging one wasn 't going to be all that easy but really how hard could it be to just dig a hole in the ground . Let me tell you not easy was a huge understatement ! I had never really dug a hole in Alaska before . The little bit of scrapping I did for the cabin floor was nothing compared to this . I found out real quick that after about twelve inches of loose stuff the ground was still frozen and this was in early July ! I worked my tail off that day and all I had to show for it was a hole less than two feet deep . My plan had been for the cellar to be at least six feet deep because I figured I 'd have to have a flat roof on it and I wanted plenty of head room . I might have to rethink that plan . I had it started though and I wasn 't about to give up . I worked away at it for the next several days finding along the way that I was better off working in the afternoon when the sun had thawed out the dirt a little . Early in the dig I had even tried building a fire in the bottom of it to see if I could thaw the ice . By the time I had dug all the resulting muck out from that misadventure I looked like I 'd been working in the coal mine for three straight days . Now here 's the thing about being dirty in Alaska . You can take a pan and heat water over the box stove . That 's good for a general cleaning and for shaving but the one thing I did not have was a bathtub . That means that at some point no matter how much you might hate it , you 're going to have to get in the creek . My bath place was up the creek at the waterfall I had found on that first trip . There was that nice deep pool right below it and it was a real pretty place to go but no matter how good it sounds that water was cold ! I 'm talking ice water cold . Down home we used to swim in cold creeks and rivers . If you stayed in them long enough you would eventually get use to the water , not up here . I don 't care if you could stay in that creek all day long the only thing you were going to get was hypothermia . I finally got the cellar hole dug even though it took me until the second week in August . I didn 't dig on it every day because I still had a lot of other things to do like getting firewood stored up . I roofed it over with two layers of pine logs then piled all the dirt I 'd dug out back on top of it . I used spruce planks for the door , frame and steps and I put a couple of shelves in it to hole the veggies . I was kind of proud of it once I got it done and even got a surprise when I went down into it after it had been finished for about a week . The interior of the walls had re - frozen . I left my thermometer down there for a day to check it out . It was a cool 30 degrees , just right for a nice cold storage and I was looking forward to having if full of potatoes which were growing well in the garden . Another thing I did just about every day was gather firewood . I had heard enough from the old timers and read enough to know it was going to get mighty cold where I was . I was to find out that I really had no concept of what cold was really like . I ended up with wood stacked two rows deep along both sides of the cabin plus I had built a wood shed that was twelve by fifteen feet and had it stacked completely full . I even had a log pile at one end of the porch I was planning on staying warm . I had started catching a lot of salmon by this time so of course I had to build a smoke house . At least this one wasn 't too hard since I use the left over side cuts from making my planks ; I ended up looking kind of like a log cabin stood on end . The first time I used it I tried to just hang the fish at the top and build a fire at the bottom . First thing it did was get way to hot and I ended up with salmon charcoal . Next I tried sitting right there by it with a bucket of water to keep the fire down . That kind of worked but I would have to sit there at least every other day to handle the fish I was catching . My last plan actually worked pretty well . I dug another hole about six feet from the smoke house with a trench running into the house . I covered the trench with logs and dirt . Now I could start a fire in the hole and get a nice bed of coals built up then throw a bunch of cedar chips that I had soaked in water on top of them . I could then cover the hole and it would smolder and smoke for most of the day . The trench would channel the smoke into the house and all I had to do was stop by every once in awhile and add more chips . Now I could fill the house almost from top to bottom with fish without worrying about them . Of course every time I fired it up I did have to worry about those fish stealing bears . I had been pretty lucky since that first trip . I knew they were around . There wasn 't a day that went by without me finding tracks . Had I have thought of it I 'm sure I would have realized that the well worn trail next to my creek did not happen on its own . For the looks of the tracks on there it must have been a major bear highway . I even came back from a full day of fishing and found a bear sound asleep on my porch . I went back for some more fishing and thankfully he had left by the time I came back . After all the work I did on the cellar I 'm not going to be able to use it , at least not till the fish stealing bears go into hibernation . I smoked about fifteen fish and they were looking so good ! Nice color reOne good point on the wild life front . I had been seeing quite a few more Moose during my wandering around . I liked seeing them because my ultimate goal was to have one up in the cache during the winter . Having a Moose up there would be the difference between whether or not I would be able to make through the winter . I decided to take a day off and go fishing . I knew there were salmon in the river along with the trout I 'd been catching and I wanted to catch as many of them as I could . The nice thing about salmon is that they are fairly easy to smoke or dry and they last a long time . I was planning on having them as one of my main sources of food during the winter months . The problem was I didn 't know for sure when salmon would be making a run up the river so I needed to spend a day fishing every so often to see if they were there . Darn , the trials you have to go through to be a pioneer . I gathered up my pole , lures and a stringer and walked down to the river . I had been having good luck catching trout right at the mouth of my creek but so far I had never seen a salmon there . It was the same this day . I caught a couple of trout which I would smoke and could have probably caught a few more there but I was looking for salmon so I wandered on down the river . I would check out likely spots as I went sometimes catching a few trout but just no luck with the salmon . I had wondered far enough down the river to know it would be dark by the time I made it back to the cabin when I decided to try one last spot . I made half a dozen casts without even getting a nibble . I thought I 'd move to one more deep hole and if I had no luck there I would call it a day . I had only made a couple of casts at the new hole when I got a really good strike . I wasn 't sure what it was . Either a very large trout or it could be my first salmon . All I had was a spinning reel and not very heavy line so I had to work it carefully to make sure I didn 't lose it . I worked my way up and down that bank for a good fifteen minutes before I got it close enough to see that it indeed was a salmon . It took another ten minutes to finally get him up on the bank . I didn 't know the difference between salmons back then I just knew it was healthy looking and weighted around ten pounds . I took a few minutes to get a good enough hold on it to get the hook out . Buy the time I did get the hook out I was too excited to worry about putting it on the stringer . I wanted to get the hook back out and see if there were more of them out there so I just tossed it behind me far enough up to make sure it didn 't flop back in . It took me a little longer to catch the second one but it was even bigger and just as nice looking as the first one . It was getting later and I knew for a fact I 'd be walking home in the dark but I wasn 't going to quit until it was too dark to see . I tossed my line right back out in the same hole . I was having good luck there and didn 't see any reason to change anything . Sure enough it didn 't take over three casts to get another one . I was getting the hang of how to play them by then . I could work to get them down river just a few steps to a shallow spot . Once in the shallows I didn 't have to worry so much about them jumping and breaking the line I just had to keep them from turning and running back to the deep channel . This one felt like he was either the biggest of the bunch or my arms were getting tired but whichever it was I was determined to get him on the bank . I spent a good twenty minutes just getting him into the shallows and close to the bank . Then the unthinkable happened , he broke the line . I had him to the point where over half his body was out of the water by then and there was no way I was losing this fish . I dropped my pole and jumped in the river with him . The water wasn 't even higher than my boots but I must have made a strange sight trying to grab him out of the water . I finally grabbed him but not with a very good hold and I thing I throw him in the air at least four times on the way to the bank . He was a nice looking fish and I 'm pretty sure he was bigger than the first two . I tossed him up with the other two and set to work replacing the hook . I was figuring that if my luck held out the next one should be a real whopper . The only thing I had been paying any attention to was getting the hook replaced and back in the water . I knew the fish were far enough up on the bank to be safe so I didn 't have to worry about them flopping back to the river . I was already planning a big salmon dinner in my mind as I cast back out for the next one . I had caught the first three on a bright red spoon but somehow I had lost it during the fight with the third one . I don 't know if he spit the hook out when he broke the line or if I knocked it out of his mouth during the battle but it was gone . The only other spoon I had with me was a yellow one but I was more than willing to try it . I may have been will but for some reason the fish just didn 't seem to like yellow . I must have cast that thing out there two or three dozen times without a single hit . I was just standing there staring at the river trying to think of something I could do different when I notice a sound behind me coming from where my fish were . I turned to see what it was and got the surprise of my life . Sitting there on the bank , not twenty feet behind me was a bear . It scared me so bad that for a minute I just stood there and stared at him . Then the scare wore off just a bit and I realized that not only was he sitting the on the bank , he was eating my fish ! That wasn 't the only thing I noticed . He had made his self right at home . He was sitting there on his butt , both back legs spread out with all of my fish between his legs chomping away . He looked like a giant , hairy two year old sitting on the floor eating ice cream and he 's looking right at me ! He had my biggest fish , the one I had planned for my fish supper and I watched as he stripped the skin off and ate it . I could even tell the fish was a female because the nest thing he did was eat the roe . Then to add injury to insult he tossed the rest of it down and picked up the next one . I finally after all that time catch a salmon . My pole was too small my line was to light but I did catch them and here was this giant hairy fur ball eating my fish ! And I swear he was smiling while he did it ! My first thought was to go running up there and beat the hell out of him with my fishing pole for taking my fish . My first rational thought was it 's a bear . It 's a big bear . Even sitting on his butt he was still taller than I was and I don 't think getting smacked on the nose with a fishing pole was going to faze him . The part that really drove me crazy was when he picked up the second one he looked at the fist until he had a hold of it , then He looks at me and at the river and back at me like " What are you waiting for got get me another one " Oh I wanted to hit him so bad right then . My common sense finally kicked in though and instead of attacking him I slowly gathered up my stringer ( at least it was close to me and he wasn 't going to get my trout ) and eased off up the river watching him every step of the way . He didn 't move an inch just set there enjoying what should have been my fish diner . I watched him until I felt safe enough to turn around and head back to the cabin mumbling and grumbling all the way about those damn fish stealing bears . Bears , especially the fish stealing kind drove me crazy the first summer I was up there . I didn 't realize until later that I had built my cabin at the intersection of Bear Boulevard and Bear Avenue so there were lots of them around . Brown bears are really big . I had even thought about going bear hunting with a pistol one time . One of my favorite outdoor writers had done that and I figured if he could so could I . I had bought a 41 magnum pistol so I would always have my bear protection gun with me . The first time I saw a brown bear up close and in the wild the last thing I wanted to do was to have to pull that thing . Once he left I took a really close look at that gun . It looked huge when I bought it but after seeing that bear it began to look really smaAnother thing that interested me about bears was how much effort they could put into something that I thought was going to yield them very little food . I could understand the fish ; there was a lot of protein there for the effort . One day I was hiking throw the woods when I saw one digging like crazy at the base of a big fir tree . I could see that he was digging into a huge mound of fir needles so of course I figured he had buried some kind of carcass there and was back for another meal . I found a spot where I could see him good and settled down to watch the show . He was throwing needles and dirt everywhere , then he would stop and shove his nose into the pile then start digging again . I watched him for at least a half an hour but never did see him pull anything out of the pile . As soon as he stopped and got out of sight I went down to see if I could figure out what he had been digging for . It was ants . All that work for nest of black carpenter ants . It just didn 't seem like something that big would get enough food from a nest of ants to make the effort worthwhile . After seeing the sow and the cubs the day before I decided to spent a day working on the door lock . I was pretty proud of it by the time I got finished . I had carved the body from a single piece of spruce and the latch and handles from separate pieces . I had also carved out a recess in the door frame . After I attached the lock to the door and installed the handles you could push down on the handle which would raise the latch from the recess and pull the door open . I had installed the door so it would swing into the cabin ; keep that in mind for later because I would be changing it . The door handle even had a lock on it not that it would keep a bear out but it made me feel a little better . I had carved a short piece of wood that would act as a lever to hole the latch down unless you used a key ( Ok , the key was any stick but the bear didn 't know that ) . My next big project would be the fireplace . I had a large pile of rocks stacked at the rear of the cabin and I was waiting for the cement . I had finally met another person on the river . For the next few months it seems there were going to be quite a few people passing by . It seems that a guy from Circle had a charter boat that he would use to take people on a fishing trip between Circle and Fort Yukon . I guess he 'd been by several times but I just never noticed him before . He knew there was another homesteader living on the river but wasn 't sure where I was so we kept missing each other . I was standing on the bank one day when he went by and seeing me he pulled in to say Hi and see if I needed anything . Over a cup of coffee I happened to mention that I wanted to build a fireplace but I was going to have to wait until I made another trip to Circle so I could get some cement . He ended up offering to bring it to me on his next trip down . Since the cement wasn 't there yet and to be truthful I was kind of tired of working on the cabin I decided to take a break and go exploring . I had been here at the cabin for close to two months and I hadn 't been over a half mile in almost any direction so I wanted to see what was out there . I loaded up my pack including a sleeping bag and gold pan since I was planning on being gone at least a couple of nights and headed up the creek . I had only gone about a mile when I found my first surprise . My creek had a waterfall . It wasn 't flowing as much as when I had first came to this spot but there was still plenty of water coming down off the rock . The falls must have been at least eight feet over all with a shelf about half way down . It was really pretty to watch the white water tumble down into a clear pool . Not only was it pretty , there were trout in the pool . I had one of those collapsible fishing poles in my pack and it only took a minute to dig it out . Those fish may have never been fished before because it only took me a half dozen casts to have two nice size ones . If nothing else happened at least supper was looking good for that night . I worked my way a couple of more miles up the creek and found a spot where it was flowing across a large section of bedrock . I decided to make camp there and use the last of the daylight to see if I could find any color in the bedrock . It was looking like it was going to rain that night so I cut some poles and made a lean to for my tarp which would at least keep me dry through the night . I drug a couple of good size logs to the front of it for the base of my fire then stacked as much firewood as I could . I hung my trout from a tree limb , dug out my gold pan and set out . I dug the sand and gravel out of the cracks in the bedrock until I had a pan full . One thing I noticed right off , even though the days might be getting warmer that water sure wasn 't . I found a tiny bit of color in that first pan . Not much more than to show me it was really there but the fever was on . I foI was going to head back to the cabin the next day but it was still raining the next morning so I decided to spend at least one more day . I hung out around camp feeding the fire and killing time for awhile until I got bored . The rain was tapering off so I thought I 'd go back to the creek and try a few more pans . So far I had found about forty dollars worth of god and I was looking forward to finding some more . I 'd only been on the creek for an hour of so when I heard something moving in the brush behind me . I was afraid it might be another bear but when I looked around it was a cow moose with her calf . I stayed as still as I could and watched them walk by . I 'm not too worried about a bull moose except during mating season but you never know what a cow with a calf is going to do . She may just take off running as soon as she sees you or she could charge . It is really surprising at how mean they can get sometimes . This pair just gave me the evil eye a few times as they wandered on down the creek . I got back to panning as soon as they were out of site and by the time I decided to call it quits I had a few more penny weights of gold to add to my stash . By the time dark fell I had wondered on up the creek a ways , found another hole and caught a good size trout . I was back at camp having supper by the time it got full dark . I really wanted some more gold but I knew I still had work to do at the cabin so I decided to head back the next morning . Big surprise when I got home . There were five sacks of cement laying in the middle of the cabin . Looks like James ( the guy with the fishing boat ) was true to his word so now I can get started on the fireplace . He also left a trowel for the cement ( I forgot to ask him about one but I 'm really glad he thought of it ) and a couple of cans of coffee . I appreciated that because you can never have too much coffee . I 'm going to have to try to catch him next time and see if he can sell my gold for me so I don 't have to make the trip to town . I figure I have about a hundred bucks worth from the creek trip . However much it is I should get at least ¾ of the value which should be enough to keep me in supplies for awhile . I want to make a couple of more trips farther up the creek and see if I can find where it 's coming from . I 'm not sure I can because what I got was mainly fine gold with just a couple of " pickers " which means it 's traveled a long way in the creek . For now the first thing I need to do tomorrow morning will be to try and figure out a fireplace . I have the idea of how to build one from books and the main thing has to be for the smoke to up the chimney instead of out in to the room , how hard can that be ? It was still really hard to cut a hole in the wall of the cabin . No matter how many times I measured it just the thought of all the work I went through to get those walls up just makes you hate to do it . But after worrying myself crazy over it I finally ended up with a four foot by four foot hole cut right in the middle of the back one . I dug out the part of the gravel floor under the cabin wall and put down a double layer of flat rocks to form the base . That was it for the first day as I had to wait for the base to dry before I could add the walls . If I got things right the firebox would stick out into the room by about six to eight inches . I already had a spruce slab cut for the mantle which would be ten inches wide , four inches thick and a little over four feet long . The next day was wall building day . You know it 's hard to build a wall using river rock that are straight and plumb . I spent more of the day trying to pick out rocks that were flat on the top and bottom so I could use the least amount of cement . By the end of the day all I managed to have done were the side walls . Now I had to figure out how to put a top on the thing . I came up with a plan while I was sitting there staring at what I had done during the day . I could lay planks across the inside at the top and put rocks across it to make the top . Even better I could carve a rounded top piece so that when I put the rocks on top the firebox would have a rounded top . I spent most of the night getting the rounded top ready and the next morning when I tried it , it worked fine . Now all I had to do was wait for the rocks to dry and remove the wood form to see if it held . When I pulled the wooden form out surprisingly the top held up just fine . Now I had a fireplace that was nicely rounded at the top with just a little bit of an angle to the back . After that it was just a matter of stacking rocks up the back side of the cabin wall to make the chimney and that was not easy ! I was trying really hard to keep the inside of the chimney as smooth as I could . I didn 't want rocks sticking out inside to catch the soot . Then I had to walk the river for over two miles just to find one flat rock big enough so I could put a rock on each corner and have that one cover the opening . I added a few more rocks to the inside to make a smooth spot for the mantle . I waited four full days for everything to dry before I lit the first fire . When I got the fire built up it was time to celebrate again . The fireplace worked like a charm . The smoke was going up the chimney just like it was supposed to and the warmth was coming out in the cabin . For a person that had never built one before and only had a vague idea of what they were supposed to look like I felt pretty proud of myself . I even fried my fish supper over the open fire just to show off . Want a free PDF copy of Down Home ? Just drop down to comments and tell me what the theme music would have been for Stanley and me . Don 't forget to add your e - mail . The first two folks that answer correctly will recieve a free copy . I found a froe in town . I didn 't really have much hope of finding one at all since I don 't think there used that much in Alaska . For those of you who don 't know what a froe is if like a big steel blade with a circle on one end where the handle goes . The way you use it ( for shingles ) is to stand a block of wood on its end . The froe is sharp on the bottom side with the handle sticking up . You place it on the sharp edge on the wood and drive it down with a hammer . You can move the handle back and forth to change the direction of the split if you need to . When you get a piece split off you turn the block over and do the same thing from the other end . This gives you shingles that are tapered on each end . Up north they tend to make shingles out of cedar about 16 " long down home we make most of them out of oak and they are about two feet long . Since I was going to be using spruce I was going to try and make them like we do down home . I 'd have to think about that I did know where there was a couple of big cedar trees on the place both of which were already blown down so they might not be too hard to cut . The other thing I found in town was a little box stove and stove pipe . I was planning on having a fireplace in the cabin but the way a box stove is made you can pull a great out of the top and cook with it . I also picked up some seeds that the guy swears will grow in Alaska including some seed potatoes and onions . I would have to see since I have no idea what the growing season is . All I know after this shopping trip is I am totally tapped out . About the only thing I don 't have is meat and I 'm planning ( hoping ) that I will be able to supply that through hunting and fishing . So here I am again camped out down the river a little ways from town . The canoe is even more over loaded than it was the first time and I have the thirty mile trip ahead of me . At least this time I have an idea of what 's in front of me . I have really mixed feeling right now part of me is in a hurry to get home and the other part is just as worried about the trip down . Back to the cabin at last . The trip back here ended up taking me six days total . I came down really carefully . I didn 't take any chances with any of the rapids . I packed all the supplies around each one of them including the stove which about killed me . That stove took a trip all by itself around each rapid and on one of them it took two days just to get it to the bottom . That thing better warm the entire cabin and cook meals by itself . The cabin was in fine shape and the only thing I saw out to the ordinary was the squirrel and mouse turds scattered around . I did find some claw marks on one of the trees out by the cache . I don 't know how dig the bear was that made them but when I measured them they a right at nine feet above the ground . I really don 't want to meet up with that bear . I got everything packed away in the cabin and cache . I built a nice fire and relaxed with a hot cup of coffee happy to be home again . The next day I planted the garden . I didn 't have any idea how long the growing season was but I knew there were warm days now and hadn 't been any frost for awhile . It wasn 't going to be a big garden anyway only about twelve feet by twelve feet of so . I picked a spot not too far from the cabin and closes to the creek in case I needed to haul water to it during the summer . Most of the rows went down just the same as you would do them here . I had had some beans , well quite a few beans both green and pinto . I also had peppers , lettuce and tomatoes plus the onion sets . The one thing I had to put extra work was my potatoes . I wasn 't at all sure these would grow up there but I worked my butt off building a dozen mounds for them since I had to haul dirt from another place in five gallon buckets . Now it was time to get back to work on the cabin . The first thing I did was to deck the porch using small pine trees . It wasn 't the smoothest in the word but at least it was a porch and as soon as I got the roof finished off it would be a great place to sit and enjoy the day . Next I needed to work on the door . I took three planks I had cut from the spruce logs and planed the edges down so they would fit tight together and be a little over three feet wide . On the inside I nailed three more planks across those one at the top , one at the bottom and one across the middle . On the front side I did the same to the top and bottom but this time I nailed one at a diagonal from corner to corner . I know this isn 't the way the pioneers would have done it but it was strong and good enough for me . Once I got the door hung the cabin really started feeling like home to me . I carved a simple drop latch to hold it closed for now but I was already thing about how to carve a wooden lock for it . It was time to start on the roof . The tarps I had put there were doing fine at keeping out the rain but I knew there was no way they would last through the winter . I started off by sawing some of the logs I had into two foot lengths then I took my new froe and tried splitting then into shingles . While this may have worked well down home using oak it didn 't seem to work to well using spruce . For one thing they were really hard to split the full length for another the ones I had were only about nine inches thick and it would take me most of the summer to get that many split . So the next morning I took my ax and saw and headed over to the cedar trees . The trees I went after had been blown down by a storm . They weren 't dead by any means there were still a lot of live branches on them and those were what I had to take care of first . I spent the first four hours getting all the limbs off and out of the way . The one I had pick was between two and three feet across and I 'll tell ya , when I started to make that first saw cut I had a whole new level of respect for the guys that did this way in the old days . That thing must have been at least a hundred feet tall and I was trying to cut it into eighteen inch chunks and that makes a lot of chunks . I kept at it until it was dark the just dropped my saw and staggered back to the cabin . I was sore tired and sore that there wasn 't even any supper that night . All I did was take my boots off and crawl in the sleeping bag and die . It wasn 't much better the next morning . I was sore in places that I didn 't even know could be sore I moaned and groaned around the cabin fixing me something to eat while wishing there was anything else I could do that day besides go back to that tree . In the end though I had no choice , I had to finish up that log or I 'd be sleeping under that tarp the rest of the winter so off to the rock pile I went . Maybe my muscles loosened up during the day or I just ignored them but by the time it got dark I was almost finished . Back to the cabin I went for another dead sleep . I was really lucky that no bears came around for those few days because I don 't think I would have known one was there until he started chewing on my ankle . Now believe it or not I was kind of looking forward to the next day . I was still hurting the next morning but that was the day I was going to try splitting the sections into shingles . I knew how this was supposed to work from some books I had read I just wasn 't sure how it actually would work . According to everything I 'd read cedar was supposed to be easy to split but since I 'd never split and I wasn 't sure what they meant about easy . I do know I was really hoping it was going to work because I didn 't have a backup plan to finish off the roof . For once the books were right . I peeled the bark off one of the smaller ends with my splitting maul . Then I split it into quarters so the wood grain would run across the shingle . I put my froe on top and with two hits from the maul I had a tapered cedar shingle just like the books said I would . I did the happy dance around the clearing holding up that shingle like I had just discovered gold and as far as my roof went , I had . After that it was just buckle down and get er done . Once I really got the hang of it , it was surprising at how many shingles I could whack out in a day . Every evening I 'd carry as many as I could back to the cabin and I took every third day off to put the shingles on the roof . At the rate I was going I would have the entire roof done in less than two weeks . The great thing about doing it this way was that if I ever needed to repair or replace any shingles it was just a short walk to get more . On the day I finished the roof I had a little celebration party . I took my fishing pole and wondered down to the river where it only took me about five casts to catch a nice trout . I fried him up with some onions from the garden and cooked him with the box stove I had installed while I was doing the roof . It was really relaxing sitting out on the porch knowing the roof problem was taken care of and watching the world go by . I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible because the next day there would still be a lot of work to do . The first thing the next morning I had to start on something that I had been putting off . I had been sawing planks from logs every time I had a little spare time and not I had a pretty fair stack of the by the cabin . One of the other things I 'd been doing in my " spare " time was watching for good rock along the river . I was looking for something that was about six inches wide and flat as I could find on the top and bottom . I had it in my mind to build a fireplace at the end of the cabin . This was another one of those things where I really had no idea what I was doing but I had seen pictures in a book . Back to the planks and the reason I needed them . One thing I hadn 't built was an outhouse . I had tried to build one using the end of the cabin logs but it was just too small to notch logs for . It had taken me awhile to get around to it because it 's hard sawing planks from logs . I had made a couple of saw horses from some small logs ( I screwed up three of them trying to get the angles right for the legs I ended up cutting the notches for the legs then cut them off to the right length after I put them on ) I would lay the logs on the horses and saw down the log about three times the width of the saw . I would then remove the saw and drive a small wedge in the cut and move over another inch and make the same cut . After I had the entire log spread out like the fingers on a hand I 'd go back and lengthen each cut to within an inch or so of the end of the log . Then I could saw the log off just above the ends of the cut . I had tried just sawing all the way down the side but it was harder to hold a straight line that way and the planks tended to split at the bottom . The outhouse wasn 't that hard to build since it was only four foot by four foot with the one bench . I think it took me longer to dig the hole than it did to build it . I did run into a little problem with the door . I had brought a pair of hinges for the cabin door but totally forgot about the outhouse . It took me two full days to figure out how to make Next up was to build a bunk and get my butt up off the floor with that sleeping bag . It was going to be a simple bunk . Over in one corner and made from a log frame with a small log deck . I may not be the most comfortable in the world but it at least it would be a bed and with the ground mat and my sleeping bag it should work . I also took some of the planks I had left and built a counter top and a couple of wall cabinets . The place was starting to look more like a home every day . Another problem I was going to have would be my window . I had picked up four 6 " x 9 " glass window panes while I was in town . They were all double paned units which I thought would be better for the winter but I didn 't have a frame for them . I had use most of the wood working tools and skills I had for the last few days trying to make a window frame that would hold all four pains . I had to split four pieces of spruce to make the outside frame plus notch them with a chisel so the edges of the pains would fit in them . Those weren 't too bad since they were about three inches wide and the groove was right down the middle . The next part was going to take some work . I needed to make a frame for the inside so I split four pieces about an inch square . There was one long one that would go all the way across the frame and two short ones that would be the verticals . The hardest part was carving the grooves for the panes on both sides the doing a mortise and tenon to join the two together . I filled up the kindling box for the stove before I finally got one to work but I did get it and now it was time to cut the opening in the wall . I really hated cutting holes after all the work I done on those walls so I ended up measuring the opening , sitting on the bunk staring at it , re - measuring it again , staring at it some more . I ended up doing that so much I had to wait till the next day to actually cut the hole . It wasn 't as bad as I thought once I got going and I had it cut , framed and the window in about four hours . Now I could stand at the countePosted by I got an early start the next morning . I hated to go off and leave all my stuff at the cabin without even a door to protect it . I hadn 't seen another person in over a month that I had been there but everything I owned other than the canoe and my pistol were there . I wasn 't used to the way the way the back woods of Alaska worked back then . Since that time I have learned to semi trust people that lived in the bush . I 've had people stay at my cabin while I was gone and have never found any thing missing . Not only that but I have had any of the supplies they might have used either replaced at the time or at least no later than their next trip down the river . But on that trip I just wasn 't sure . I did pretty well that first day . It was hard paddling against the current but I was able to make decent time . I was even able to paddle through one set of rapids but as darkness started closing in I had still made it less than ten miles . I do believe I could have walked to town quicker that forcing that canoe up the river I just wouldn 't have been able to carry near as much stuff back . I found a little back water that would make a nice camp and pulled in before it got to dark to see . I hadn 't thought too much about what to bring on the trip as I was trying to keep the canoe as empty as I could so I 'd be able to haul more stuff back . I really wasn 't looking forward to too many trips to town . I gathered some wood for the night , threw my sleeping bag down and decided to wander around for a bit . One thing I almost always carried with me was a plastic gold pan and I thought I try a couple of pans to see if I could find any color . I was walking along looking for a spot to sample a pan when I spotted something that was even better than gold . Right up next to a large boulder was a salmon . I didn 't even know enough about Alaska to even know what kind it was I just knew it was a big fish and I was hungry . I lay everything down and crawled out on the boulder so I was looking straight down and to my surprise there were at least four of them just hanging there in the water . I had no idea if this was going to work or not but I eased my hands down in the water just to the rear of them . Now , this was a little different than noodleing down home . For one thing , it might have been spring but that river was cold ! It was like sticking your hands into ice water . The feeling started going away in my hands , my fingers were tingling and I knew I wouldn 't be able to keep them in the water very long . For another thing the fish were right out in the open . I 've caught catfish back home this way , in slow moving warm rivers where I could take all the time I needed . Down home you slip your hand slowly up the side of the fish and I 'm not sure how I did it but when I finally got my head back above the water I still had a hold of that fish . I was real lucky to be in that back water instead f out in the main channel . I was able to get my feet under me still hugging that fish and make my way back to shore . By the time I got back to the camp and to the fire I could not help but laughing . Now I finally knew how Stanley had felt during all the time he had fell into the cold water when we were kids . I built the fire up like a fourth of July picnic party stripped of buck naked again and hung my cloths out to dry . I still had to clean the fish and stake him out to roast before I could climb into my sleeping bag and try to get warm . That was a really great supper that night although I 'm not sure I 'd want to pay the price again . Throughout the night every time the fire burned down I 'd wake up and every time I had to build the fire back up so my cloths would dry . It was not really an enjoyable night . The cloths were finally dry be the time the next morning came along . I was still tired from the night before so I was a little slow getting started . I had a little piece of the left over salmon washed down with cold river water ( I 'd forgot to bring coffee ) packed up my sleeping bag and what salmon I had left in my sack and headed up river again . I had only gone about five miles when I came to the next set of rapids . Now on this set on the way down I had to unload all my stuff and walk around the rapids . This time as tired as I was I figure I could paddle like hell between the first set of boulders up to some calm water then go like hell to reach the top . Sounded like a good idea at the time , does that sound like a familiar saying for some reason ? I took off paddling as hard and fast as I could and made it through the first set of boulders to the calm water just beyond . I set there getting my breath back and planning the next move . I figured that if I went like crazy to the right of the next boulder I could make it to the calm water beyond and have a look at the last set . As soon as I got my wind back I took off digging in just as hard as I could . I was going up a slope of water that leaned my canoe back so far I couldn 't really see where I was headed . I had done this before on the Snake River and managed to climb a four foot water fall but for some reason no matter how hard I tried to turn to the right it just didn 't feel right . I knew I was in trouble as soon as I felt the bow of the canoe touch the rock . I had been pushed to the left but not quite enough to end up in the eddy behind the boulder . Thanks to my sleepy mind I ended up compounding the problem when I tried to dig the paddle in on the right and spin myself around . Instead of just slipping around the boulder I ended up turning completely across the current . Even know I had screwed up it was still a surprise when I flipped over . The water was just as cold as it had been the night before except no I was in the middle of the river . I tried to hang oIt took me most of an hour to finally get that fire going enough to put out any real heat . I was only able to drag a couple of pieces of wood to it without having to stop and rest . I really hated to leave it but as soon as I had it going well with enough wood stacked on it to build another cabin I had to go look for the canoe . Thankfully I found it on a gravel bar about half a mile down the river . I had already found the paddle which I was sure I would never find again . My sleeping bag and the rest of the gear was still tied to the front seat and even though it was a little damp I would still be able to use it . It took me another hour to drag it back to the fire which had burned down to coals by then . I kicked the fire over to a new spot and leaned my canoe over the warm ground . I drug the biggest log I could handle over to the fire , added some more wood , put my cloths back out to dry , again . Then I climbed under the canoe in the sleeping bag and didn 't know a thing until about noon the next day . The next day was almost a letdown since nothing happened . There was no falling in the river and after having done that two days in a row I just don 't know how I was going to stand not running around naked waiting for my cloths to dry . I was a little gun shy of the river though . I could carry the canoe and what little gear I had at the same time so I had walked up past the rapids . Once I to the calm water above them I was surprised to find myself a little reluctant to get in the canoe and back out on the water . Falling in might be funny after it 's all over but not while it 's happening . The problem was that the only way to get around where I was would be either water or walk . I already knew I would be able to walk to town faster than I could paddle but there was no way I was going to be able to supply myself for the winter on foot I needed the canoe . In the end it was a practical thought that got me going again . I was on the wrong side of the river and I had to use the canoe to get to the right side . For the rest oPosted by I had spent the previous night gathering firewood and putting together a small camp . I still slept a little nervous that night after my run in with the bear but other than something small running around in the brush during the night it passed fairly quietly . I think part of the reason it had passed quietly was because it had snowed during the night and when I came crawling out of the tent the next morning it was a sight to behold . There was a blanket of snow as far as the eye could see . The creek running through the snow made it look like a Christmas card . I think the one thing that surprised me the most was how quite it was . As I was cooking breakfast the loudest sound around was the crackle of the flames , no cars and no planes . Even camping in the desert you could almost always at least hear the sound of planes passing over head . I had a few tarps along with me and I used a couple of them to add a cover at the front of the tent . I was glad I did because it started raining as I was gathering more wood . I spent most of that day just kicked back by the fire enjoying the silence and watching the world go by . I saw two deer and one moose heading up the trail that day along with assorted squirrels some robber jays and a couple of grouse . Not bad for a first day . By the next morning the snow was gone and the rain had tapered off enough for me to do some exploring . I noticed as I walked along that there was a really good trail running by the creek all the way down to the river . Between the rain and the fact that most of the trail was across a gravel bar it was impossible to tell what kind of tracks were on it , but keep that trail in mind as we go along . I wasn 't going anywhere special that day just checking out the country side when I found something that I figured was going to save me a lot of time . About a half a mile down the river was a grove of spruce trees . It looked like there had been a beaver pond on the creek that ran through the trees . I wasn 't sure what happened to the dam but it was gone and the creek was back to normal . The part that was going to save me labor was that the trees on each side of the creek were all dead . From what I could see they had been in the water at least a foot deep before the dam washed out . Most of the limbs were gone but all the ones I checked felt firm with no rot except right at the bottom . The great thing was there must have been thirty or forty down that creek and if my calculations were correct that would be more than enough to build the walls to my cabin . I hustled back to the camp planning on getting started falling them that day . The problem with that plan was the large bear track I found on the way back . He must have come by while I was up looking at the trees . I knew they were fresh because one of them was on top of my tracks . At least this time I was kind of ready since I had both my rifle and pistol with me . I didn 't really want to have to kill a bear especially not a spring bear . For one thing they don 't taste very good for another he hadn 't been out of hibernation for very long which meant he didn 't have much meat on him anyway . However , if it came to who eats who I was planning on doing my best to have bear steaks for supper . About the time I got back to my creek I saw him across the gravel bar checking out the river . I was right , he was a pretty scrawny looking bear , big , but scrawny . I watched him for awhile to make sure he was headed on up river before I went back to the camp . Thankfully nothing had been bothered at the camp but I realized it was going to be safe just leaving everything lying around . I really needed to remember that I wasn 't in Oklahoma anymore and there were things in these The next morning I took my ax and saw up to the spruce trees and started on the cabin logs . I spent the entire day cutting , trimming and stacking the logs . I figured I 'd be able to get enough logs from that one stand to do a cabin at least fourteen feet by fifteen feet . Since most of the trees were between eight and twelve inches in diameter I should be able to have wall at least seven feet tall . I really wanted a peaked roof but I wasn 't sure what I would use to cover it . If I made a shed rood it would take a lot less material to cover . I spent more of that first day worrying about the shape of the roof than I did cutting the walls . At the end of the day came the hard part . The only way I had of getting the logs back to the cabin site was to drag them . I had some good ones that were a little over a foot in diameter that I wanted to use for the base logs so I wanted to take them back first . I tied a couple of ropes to four of them and looped it over my shoulders . Now those logs may not have been really big but dragging them across the ground through the brush down to the river then around the drift wood and across the gravel was rough . I made it a little over half way before my shoulders were killing me and I had to leave two of them . I made it up to the cabin with the first two then had to rest awhile before I could go back and get the others . As sore as I was it felt really good sitting by the fire that night with be beginnings of my home sitting there by me . I spent the better part of another week getting all the trees down . I had wrapped some cloth around my rope harness for pulling them . It sure didn 't make it any more comfortable but at least it didn 't rub the hide off me every time I pulled some . After the third trip of so I had a path worn out between the grove and the river at least that helped some . Plus I 'd moved the driftwood out of the way . For a time there I had logs scattered all along the river bank . I 'd always start out dragging more than I could handle and would end up dropping part of them . Every time I had a little extra energy I 'd pull a couple on up to the site . Finally at the end of that week I had a stack of about sixty logs ready to work . I had only seen three more bears during the week two of which were on the other side of the river plus one moose that just stood in one place and stared at me . I guess I did look pretty funny to him dragging those logs along . I had built a couple of x frames so I could get the logs off the ground in order to peel the bark off them and be able to saw them to length . It doesn 't take a lot of thought while you 're peeling logs and I was running along on auto pilot one morning when I realized I didn 't want to just stack the logs directly on the ground . If I did it that way I was going to have problems with rot on the bottom logs and since I was planning on living there for years I didn 't want to think about trying to re build the cabin . After lunch I went over to the spot I had picked for the cabin and started digging out and area of about twenty feet by twenty feet . I had to dig sown about six inches to get rid of all the pine needles and roots . Then I took a couple of five gallon buckets and headed down to the river . The way the spring runoff works in the river there are a couple of separate gravel bars . The larger ones are closer to the river but above that was a layer of small ones that I would be able to use . I spent the next three days carrying that gravel from the river up to the spot and back again , god , what I would have given for a conveyer belt . Finally I had a layer over six inches deep . I had tried to tamp it down as I brought it up I must have broken at least three homemade tampers . It was great but at least I didn 't have to worry about drainage on the bottom logs . I worked half of the next day getting those first four logs down . I must have measured those thing a dozen time before I 'd cut the first notch in them . If those first one weren 't square then none of the cabin would be . Plus there was just way to much work in getting those logs to take a chance on screwing them up . I 'll tell ya , there 's something special about laying the foundation to your own place . Even though I had only started and still had a lot of work to do I took a break , leaned back by the fire , had a cup of coffee and did nothing but admire those logs . I had them laid out so the cabin would be fourteen feet wide and fifteen feet long with the two side logs sticking out another six foot so I could have a porch . I was sure how I would build that but if I couldn 't figure it out later I could always cut them off . After all I was building this thing from some pictures I 'd seen in a book . Once I got the hang of it the cabin wall went up pretty quick . It only took me four days to get the walls up to a little over seven feet and I figured that would be tall enough . I still wanted a peaked roof plus I really wanted that porch on the front . It took some trial and error ( more error than I wanted0 but I finally figured out it I just kept cutting the logs back on the front and rear I could have a ridge at the top . I also put in two posts for the porch plus a log across the top of them so I could run the side logs out to it and make a porch . I was trucking along nicely until the third day when I wasn 't paying attention and slipped of a log half way up the roof . It didn 't really hurt me just kind of knocked the wind out of me and since I didn 't have a door or any windows cut in the side walls it was a little hard to get back out . The main thing it really brought home was how alone out there I was . Something like a broken leg would really be a bad thing . I 'd been there for over three and a half weeks and hadn 't seen another person . I was going to have to start paying attention and be more careful . The roof peak is done and today I cut the hole for the door . There is still a lot of work to be done . There is no roof covering other than a couple of tarps . The porch is just the two side logs and the posts . It is covered with the same tarp as the roof . I will get the hole cut for the door but it is doubtful I will have the door finished today . But at least I 'm going to be sleeping inside walls tonight . I have taken two twelve inch spruce logs and sawn them into boards about an inch thick . I will use these to frame the doorway and to make the door I already have two hinges I brought along just for this . I also have about thirty pounds of different size nails . I am planning on my door just being a slab out lined with board on both sides so the nails will come in real handy . I 'm still working on the roof covering idea . I 've thought about using moss . There 's a really thick kind that grows here which I think is more of lichen than it is a moss . Anyway you can cut it in sections and use it for roofing since it doesn 't need dirt to grow in . I saw a guy in Circle that had used it on one of his out buildings . What I 'd really like to use would be spruce shingles . The problem with that is that even though I know how to make them one item I forgot is a froe to split them with . I did get the door opening cut and framed with the boards I had made . I moved everything into the cabin and headed down to the river to take a break and see if I could catch a fish for supper . My supplies were getting a little thin and a fresh caught fish would be a great addition . Last night I did manage to catch one fish for a really great supper . I moved ever thing into the cabin although I forgot about the fact I 've been sleeping on soft pine needles for over a month and forgot how hard that gravel floor was going to be . Today I am packing everything either in the cache or the cabin and blocking it off as best I can because I 'm headed back to town . I figure it 's going to take me about six days to make the round trip knowing that I have to paddle and carry the canoe up river to town and I remember what it was like coming down . I am really short on food so I have no choice plus I want to get the froe and take a shot at making the shingles . I 'm a little worried about leaving everything as I have seen a couple more bears and one wolverine but I just don 't have the option . This little trip happened before I moved back to Seattle . I was looking for something back in those days . I didn 't know what it was but I figured I 'd recognize it when I saw it . I 'd wandered through California , Nevada , Origen and Washington without really finding anything when I happened to get an opportunity to go to work driving a truck in Alaska . I flew from Seattle up to Fairbanks where I met with the company and took a little driving test around town . They must have really needed drivers because once the hired me I found out I wouldn 't be driving around town but up the pipeline road which was frozen solid . No wonder the guy giving me the test kept asking if I had every driven in ice and snow . It really wasn 't a bad job and let me tell you they paid really well and since I was single and more or less living in the truck it didn 't take to long to save you a nice little nest egg . The only drawback was that it looked like the job was only going to last through the winter . I was in Fairbanks when I heard there might be a chance to homestead over by Circle on the Yukon River . This just might be what I was looking for . I 'd been trying to be a " mountain man " since Stanley and I were kids and this would be the chance to see if I could really cut it . I checked it out with the Alaska D . N . R and found out there was some land over there that might be open for homesteading . They weren 't a hundred percent sure and they didn 't make it sound very good . The only way to get to the property would be by walking or by boat trip on the Yukon River either from Circle or Fort Yukon . There was no electricity and never would be to any of the properties . The only water would either be from a hand dug well or we would have to get it from rivers or creeks . I would have to live on the property and do improvements on it each year for at least five years in order to own it . There were a lot more regulations I would have to meet but the more I thought about it the more this seemed like something I could do . I had to makeI loaded up my fourteen foot canoe with all the tools I thought I would need to build a cabin plus what I assumed would be more than enough food and supplies to last at least thirty days before heading downstream . Of course this made for an extremely overloaded canoe . I had just enough room in the back to work the paddle with a mound in front of me that I couldn 't see over . There was still snow on the ground even though it was early spring and everyone in town had told me that it wouldn 't all be melted off for at least another month but the river was open and I was ready to go . My destination was a small sandy beach about 30 miles down the Yukon River where a small creek flowed into it . I had never actually seen the area I was going to but I was sure I could find it from the maps I had . I 'd never really seen the Yukon during spring flood either . If it 's true that ignorance is bliss then I was definitely in hog heaven . I left out at daybreak just as soon as it was light enough to see . I figured it would take me a couple of days to get to the homestead and I didn 't want to rush it . With my usual lack of planning and no more forethought than Stanley and I had as kids down the river I went . The Yukon close to Circle has to be at least a mile wide . The main channel runs closest to town and you could see the flood plain across it . All broken trees and gravel bars . I knew there were other channels over there but I never knew how many . The maps I had never really did justice to it . It was more like a swamp down home or river delta of the Mississippi . I kept waiting for the channels to come back together and make one river , but they never did . For the first few miles it wasn 't too hard keeping to the main channel because it was the deepest and fastest but then it split into three different ones all about the same . Since I was going down the left bank I ended up in the left channel and boy was that a wrong choice . By the time I finished the trip I found there were five sets of rapids in the channel I was following . I made it through the first two all right even though I was thanking my lucky starts that I had an aluminum canoe after bouncing off a few rocks . On the third one I hit a rock dead center with the front of the canoe which shoved me around cross wise of the current and over I went . Thank god I had everything packed in water tight bags or tied to the canoe . I managed to hang onto the canoe as I worked my way over to the bank and was able to drag it ashore . That ended my first day on the river . I 'd made it about ten miles . I had to spend the rest of the day building a fire and running around buck naked trying to dry out my cloths plus running a half mile down the river to get my paddle back . Thankfully the only one out there to see me was one bear and a moose . By the time I had everything unloaded , dried out and repacked in the canoe it was too late in the day to travel any more that night . I hung out a little longer the next morning . I wanted to make sure I had plenty of daylight before heading out . After a leisurely breakfast I loaded everything up and started out again . Things went pretty well the first half of that day mainly because I was taking it easy and trying my best to stay in the main channel . A little after noon things started to go bad though . I ran into some rapids in the main river . I was drifting along not paying attention when I came around a bend and right into the first set . I made it through those even though it scared the hell out of me and made my way over next to the bank just in case there were more of them . It was a good thing I did because the rest of that set were the worst yet . I managed to see them in plenty of time to paddle over to a smaller channel . I ended up having to get out and wade through the smaller one dragging the canoe behind me to get around them . The bad news was that as soon as the channel I was in rejoined the river I could see rapids for at least a mile down the river . I decided to be on the safe side that day so I beached the canoe while I walked down to look around the next river bend and see what I was in for . What I saw wasn 't good . There was no way I was going to be able to get the canoe down through all the rapids and around the rocks , especially not with it loaded like it was . My only option was to unload all my stuff and carry everything down to the next calm area which was about two miles away . I made two trips before dark but had to leave some of the supplies and the canoe . I got everything hung from trees so I wouldn 't have to worry about bears and headed back to the canoe and what I hoped would be a warm camp for the night . I was up and at it early the next morning making the first trip with the rest of the supplies before daybreak . It was after ten by the time I made the last trip carrying the canoe . It was time for a little breakfast and a rest before I started reloading everything . I was sure I 'd find the creek that day . It looked to me like I had about ten more miles to go and I thought I ' be at the spot by no later than three that after noon . Again the map didn 't add quite enough detail . There was one more set of rapids . This one had about three different channels , two of them were to shallow to drag the canoe through and the main one had rocks the size of Volkswagens . I figured you might be able to get past that set if you had a jet boat but there was no way I was going by with my overloaded canoe . Back I went to the piss ant mode unloading everything and carrying it down the bank . My first trip down the river held a real shocker for me . I was trucking along with my head down just trying to get to the end when I happened to glance . There in the trail about fifty feet in front of me was the biggest brown bear I 'd ever seen . The trail on both sides of us was over grown with trees and brush so there was no way for me to run even if I had wanted to . I was just standing there bent under about eighty pounds of gear to scared to run , which turned out to be the best thing . I was trying to slip my hand down to my pistol not that I had any hope of being able to stop him at that distance . About that time he stood up to get a better look at me . He shuffled back and forth on the trail and snapped his jaws a few time and that 's when I thought he 's charge . He just stood there looking at me for what seemed like hours then dropped back down turned and ambled off down the trail . I didn 't move until he was completely gone from sight then I had to sit down for awhile just to get my legs to stop shaking . I never saw him again as I finished packing my stuff below the rapids . I had it all finished by dark after which I tried to burn upPosted by |
Country Humor . The Good ? ? Ole Days . Just a collection of stories , thoughts and memories of growing up in oklahoma . Most of them will involve my best friend of the last 55 years , Stanley Johnson . I hope one day to have his versions on here also because I 'm sure our memories don 't always match . We 'll have to see how this one goes over . I sent Up North off to Nik to see if he 's interested . I have the rough draft on Lulu . com but I 'd really rather see it published by Solstice . For those of you who have read the first eight chapters on here could you give me a little feed back on what you think of it ? Here it was the last week of July and I 'd been working on the place since the first of April trying to get everything ready for winter . The cabin was as snug as I was going to be able to get it . The garden was doing well and I was even getting a few green beans from it . I was planning on letting everything grow as long as I could then save as much as I could for winter . I had quite a few smoked and dried fish and was already getting a little tired of fish suppers . I knew I was going to have to go to town at least once more before bad weather set in and stock up on a few supplies . The problem was that I was a little short on cash . I had around a hundred dollars worth of gold I had panned out of the creek and I had made a few bucks from putting on a fish dinner for a couple of the fishing trips that had come down the river . I was still going to need quite a bit more to make sure I had what I needed to get through the winter . One of the things I was going to need was traps . If I could get enough of them I 'd be able to make money that winter with a trap line . I had already seen pine martens , fox , wolverine , ermine and two Lynx and that 's not counting the wolf pack that came through about once a month . I decided the best way to make a little money would be panning for gold again . I hadn 't really had time to put in a good trip other than the one up to the waterfall a couple of months ago . This time I planned on being gone at least a week panning the creek as I went and trying to find the best places . If I could find a really good spot to pan I could set up camp there and work the area until I thought I had enough . There was color in just about every spot I had looked in the creek but such a small amount you could work all day for a few penny weights and I was looking for a spot I could find ounces . I knew that was going to be real hard no matter how far I went or how hard I work because all I had was my gold pan . I was really wishing for a good sluice box or even a dredge but wishing for it wasn 't going to make them appear so I was stuck with what I had . I packed everything up and headed out at daylight . That seemed to be my normal starting time for two reasons , number one I could cover more country by getting an early start and number two I just liked walking through the woods as the sun came up . You 'd be surprised at what you can see at that time of the day . A lot of the night animals are headed back to their dens for the day . The birds are just coming out to start feeding for the day . No matter what country I 'm in be it deep woods or the high desert daylight has always been my favorite time of the day . Just on the trip to the waterfall I got to see three Moose one a cow with two calves . There was one nice size river otter playing in the pool below the water fall . I sat on a log and watched him swimming around the pool then dive down and come up with a trout . The fire pit was still there from the last time I had been to this pool so I decided to spend the night there , do a little panning and maybe a little fishing but mainly I just wanted to relax and see if I could spot any more wildlife . I went up to a small meadow and found a nice size patch of blue berries with quite a few of them ripe . On the way back to the creek I happened across some chanterelle mushrooms and since this is about the only kind of wild mushrooms that I know are safe I gathered all of them I could find . Now that had the beginning of a good meal . I had to make a detour to a beaver pond off the main creek and gather some cat tails . You can eat most of the cat tails including the roots but I was looking for some nice green ones . You can peel the inner core out of them and either eat them raw or drop them in a pan along with the mushrooms . The nutty taste of the tails goes really well with the shrooms . When I got back to the pool I spent just enough time fishing to catch one trout . There is just enough fat on a trout to add him in with the shrooms and the cat tails in one pan . I was going to have coffee with the meal but since I had only brought a little with me I decided to have willow baI had found a tiny bit of color below the waterfall but I still had a long way to go before I would even be close to an ounce so the next morning I headed on up the creek . I had been up this far before and found a couple of good spots in the bedrock but this time I wanted to do a little sightseeing so I passed by that area and moved up to new country . I was climbing pretty steadily and by the end of the second day I found an open meadow where I could look back and see the river shining in the distance . This is the first time I had been this far east of the cabin and had no Idea of what lay ahead . I knew if I went far enough I would be in Canada and the only way I would know it would be when I met a Mountie . I wasn 't worried about getting lost as long as I followed the creek . I had passed several waterfalls and rapids that day but the creek didn 't look much smaller than it had back on the first day . I knew there was gold in the creek but with the swift and deep water there just wasn 't anyplace I could get to with my pan . I needed , and hoped I would find an area of bed rock the creek had cut through without being too deep . I was really tired from the hike that day and it was starting to look like it was going to rain so for my camp that night I found a grove of trees away from the creek that I hoped would shed any rain . I only had one tarp with me and if I needed I could always wrap up in it to keep the rain off . I 'm not sure what woke me up that night but as soon as I was awake I could hear something moving around in the trees . It had started to rain very lightly and my fire was just about out . I was trying to slowly push some more firewood on it when I heard a woofing and clacking noise very close by . I had been up here long enough to recognize that noise . Somewhere in this grove of trees with me was a bear . I knew he was agitated from the sounds he was making but with the rain and him moving around in the tree I couldn 't tell exactly where he was at . I set up as slowly as I could and leaned my back against a tree . Thank god I hadn 't wrapped myself up in the tarp yet nor was my sleeping bag zipped all the way . Once I was against the tree I was able to shrug the sleeping bag down and reaching out with one hand as able to pull my rifle to me . One thing I had learned was never to go anywhere in that country with an unloaded gun so all I had to do was flick the safety off and I was as ready as I 'd ever be . The bear had stopped making any noise during this time . I wasn 't sure if he had taken off while I was getting myself against the tree or if he was standing just the other side of the fire watching me . I didn 't have any choice though , I had to have some more light . Holding the rifle in my right hand I was able to just reach my stack of fire wood with the left . I tried to ease the branches into the fire making as little noise and movement as I could . I got five or six sticks on the fire when I heard him moving to my left . I had seen quite a few bears since I had been up here . A couple of them scared me and a few even amused me but there is nothing but solid fear when you 're sitting with both your legs wrapped in a sleeping bag , in the dark trying to see a bear that as far as you know may be standing close enough to you to swat you with a paw . Then I heard him moving in front of me just as the fire flared up and there he was , or at least there were his eyes . He was just across the fire from me moving to the rigI eased my hand down and shoved a couple more branches in the fire even though I knew it wouldn 't stop him if he decided to charge . Thank God I had decided to sleep next to the tree because if he did charge he would have to come at me from the front and that would give me a very slim chance . The very last thing I wanted to do was to have to shoot at him . I knew that at best I would only get one shot and I was under no illusions that I was going to come out of it unhurt if at all . I think the part that scared me the most was the he kept clacking his teeth as he stared at me which usually means they 're really excited and getting ready to charge . I was afraid to even bring the gun up and aim at him because that little extra movement might be enough to sit him off . He kept moving back and forth in front of me of what seemed like hours . He would clack his teeth and every once in awhile make the woofing sounds and come a few steps closer . Each time he did that I thought it was over but before I could raise the rifle he would back off again . Then it was over . It seemed like I was staring right at him when I blinked my eyes and he was gone . I was afraid to move . Afraid he might still be there so I sat against that tree pushing wood into the fire until it finally got light enough to see . I was soaked from the rain and my eyes were gritty feeling from trying to stare back under the trees . Once it was light enough to see I had almost convinced myself that it had been a nightmare until I moved around the fire and could see the tracks he had left in the muddy ground . I have no idea how big he was but I spread my fingers out as far as I could and put them in one of his prints which were over twice the size of my hand . I gathered my stuff up and got myself out of there just as fast as I could . I don 't know why I reacted like that but I was four hours up the creek before I even slowed down . For the first hour I was just about running and jumping at every little noise . I went as far as I could before I just collapsed on the ground . Part of me wanted to cry from relief and another part wanted to laugh , I think I did a little of each . Once I finally got calmed down enough to pay attention I couldn 't figure out why I had reacted that way . For one thing it was over and the bear had left at least a couple of hours before my mad dash up the creek . For another thing I had no idea why I had run UP the creek instead of back toward the cabin . They only tracks I had checked were the ones by the fire so I really had no idea which way the bear had gone . For all I knew I might be running along right behind him . It still took another hour for me to get calmed down and take a look around at where I was which wasn 't a bad place . I had somehow managed to stop right at a place I had been looking for . The creek had spread out to only a few inches deep and was running over a section of bedrock a few hundred feet long . As I got my breath back and started checking things out I realized this was going to be a good spot for prospecting . I spent most of the rest of the day fixing up a camp even going so far as to drag a bunch of drift wood over and lay it out in a circle around the camp . Nothing would be able to get close to me without my hearing it . I also stacked enough fire wood to last at least three nights . I wasn 't I didn 't get back to normal until the fourth pan the next morning when I found a few pickers and one decent sizes nugget in my gold pan . Even being scared to death was no match for gold fever . I stayed there for the next three days working till well after dark and just taking time out from panning to grab a quick bite . I had to quit then because I realized that if I didn 't catch a fish or something it was going to get real hungry by the time I made it back to the cabin . I hated to stop but by then I had well over an ounce of gold . I piled up some rocks and marked the spot as best I could on the map planning on filing a claim the next time I went to town . I wasn 't too worried about anyone else messing with the spot as I had seen no sign of another person even being in the same country since I had left the cabin . For all the excitement on the trip up I had a totally uneventful trip back home . I spent one cold hungry night before I got back to the waterfall and managed to catch a couple of trout but other than that it was a walk in the park . The biggest wildlife I even saw was one beaver and a few pine squirrels . Everything looked normal when I got back to the cabin . I had left the cellar door open to keep the fish stealing bears out and it seems it had worked . The only thing that surprised me was a note on the door . I seems that some guy had been on his way to Circle from Fort Yukon and had turned his canoe over . He had found the trail to the cabin and came up to see if anyone was there . His note apologized for going in but it sounds like he was soaked and I know how that feels . Nothing was missing although my dishes had been cleaned and stacked on the counter . I figure he 'd got something to eat while his cloths dried out . His name was on the note and he told me where to find him in Circle . The next day I went down to the river and put up a flag I used to get James 's attention when he was on the river . I was getting lazy and I thought I 'd give it a couple of days to see if he stopped by . I could catch a ride with him either to circle or Fort Yukon and see if I could sell my gold and restock on supplies and traps . Surprisingly as I was on the porch having a cup the next morning he came walking up the trail . He had a couple of other guys with him and I found out they had been on a fishing trip down river and were headed back to Circle when they saw the flag . He told me he 's be happy to give me a ride as long as I didn 't mind staying the night because he wouldn 't be headed back down river until the next day . How could I argue it was a one day trip to town with his jet boat versus up to three days up and two days back with my canoe ? It was my first ride in his jet boat and let me tell you , it was exciting . All the rapids that I had to carry my canoe around we just went powering through . There was one spot I don 't believe was part of his normal trip , I think he was just showing off because we went through a couple of big rocks where there was not over a couple of inches on each side of the boat . It was dark by the time we pulled up to the docks and I helped James get his fishermen unloaded and back to their cabin . I ended up spending the night at James 's house . I got to meet his wife and two kids and had the first home cooked , by someone else , meal that I had enjoyed in over four months . As much as I enjoyed being at the cabin and out by myself it was really nice to visit with other people that night . I headed down to the store the next morning to see if I could sell my gold and pick up the supplies and be ready to head back down river by the time James was ready . Not only could I sell it but I had a little over nine hundred dollars worth . Plenty for the supplies I needed plus a few extras . An odd thing happened while I was at the store . When I filled out the paperwork for the gold the store owner saw my name and told me he had something for me . I had no idea what it might have been but I followed him out behind the store . I didn 't see anything out there that I thought he might be talking about until he pointed at a sixteen foot canoe . He told me a guy had come in a few days before who was going back to the states and wanted to leave some stuff for the guy that owned the cabin down river . It seems he had found my name in the cabin . It seems it was the guy who had turned his canoe over . Since he was headed back to the states he had left me his canoe and half a dozen traps as a thank you for using my cabin . I thought that was really nice of him although I didn 't mind him using the cabin to get warmed up the canoe actually worked our well . James had four guys going fishing that day and between all their gear there wasn 't a lot of room in his boat . By having the new canoe we were able to put all my stuff in it and tow it behind his boat . I have to admire the way he can run his . At one of the rapids he turned his backwards and let my canoe go ahead of us down the rapids keeping just enough power to his for control . If I had been running his I would have smashed both of them . No I had even more work to do getting the traps ready for that winter . I had trapped in the snow down home but from what I was hearing and what I had seen the winter before I had never tried it in the kind of snow Alaska had . I was a little apprehensive but looking forward to it at the same time . I also needed to harvest my garden . I took most of the onions and hung them from the rafters in the cabin along with the peppers . The potatoes were looking good and after I dug them out they went in the root cellar . I was really hoping the bears would leave them alone . I was surprised that I got almost two bushels of pinto beans as I really didn 't think they would even grow up there . Just to be on the safe side I went up to the beaver pond and spent a day digging cat tails . The roots may not be the best tasting thing in the world but they are filling . The one bit of bad news I had was from James . He was talking to his fishermen the night he was here and remarked to them that during the winter the Yukon would freeze . I knew it was going to get really cold but I never even though about a river the size of the Yukon freezing . It was going to be an interesting winter . The book is now out in e - book and print versions , not much else I can do but just wait and see if anyone wants to buy it . I 'm not totally sure but I think you can go to any book store and have them order it for you . The print version is just on Solctice right now , it will take a couple of week to be up on Amazon . Everything was going fine at the cabin . The garden was growing pretty good even thought I 'd had to gather driftwood from the river and build a fence around it to keep the rabbits out . I was looking forward to cold weather when I 'd be able to have a nice rabbit stew for supper . The temperature was up in the 70 's which I think surprised me the most as I wasn 't expecting it to be there this far north . One thing I did need before the weather turned cold was to fix my cache . It was working pretty good with my stuff stacked on it and tarp covering it but I was planning on using it to store meat for the winter and I needed something a little more substantial that a tarp . I had the existing platform just a little over fifteen feet above the ground . Since the tallest claw marks I had seen so far from a bear was about ten foot I figured I 'd be ok at that height . I over laid the platform with another layer of logs to get it out to eight feet by eight feet and built another cabin on top of it . This was a whole lot easier said than done . I had to carry each log up the ladder one at a time and fit them to the walls . I had over half of them done when my home made ladder decided to break as I was half way up with another one . I didn 't get hurt from the fall other than my wounded pride but I did have to stop and build another ladder . Once I had the walls and the roof completed I had to build one more ladder because I forgot that the one I had wasn 't long enough to reach the top . At least I was able to carry a bundle of shingles up at one time which saved a lot of upping and downing . It was a real pain to chink the logs that high though . I had to mix the mud and straw one bucket at a time and was only able to work as far as I could reach from the ladder . I 'd already fallen the one time and I sure didn 't want to do it again . I finally finished after four daylight to dark days and was relaxing on the porch when I decided I 'd build a root cellar . My plan was if I built the cellar I could keep any veggies I might have in that . Then the cache would only have to be for meat which was the main thing I was worried about the bears getting . Plus I wouldn 't have to climb the ladder for the little stuff . I knew that digging one wasn 't going to be all that easy but really how hard could it be to just dig a hole in the ground . Let me tell you not easy was a huge understatement ! I had never really dug a hole in Alaska before . The little bit of scrapping I did for the cabin floor was nothing compared to this . I found out real quick that after about twelve inches of loose stuff the ground was still frozen and this was in early July ! I worked my tail off that day and all I had to show for it was a hole less than two feet deep . My plan had been for the cellar to be at least six feet deep because I figured I 'd have to have a flat roof on it and I wanted plenty of head room . I might have to rethink that plan . I had it started though and I wasn 't about to give up . I worked away at it for the next several days finding along the way that I was better off working in the afternoon when the sun had thawed out the dirt a little . Early in the dig I had even tried building a fire in the bottom of it to see if I could thaw the ice . By the time I had dug all the resulting muck out from that misadventure I looked like I 'd been working in the coal mine for three straight days . Now here 's the thing about being dirty in Alaska . You can take a pan and heat water over the box stove . That 's good for a general cleaning and for shaving but the one thing I did not have was a bathtub . That means that at some point no matter how much you might hate it , you 're going to have to get in the creek . My bath place was up the creek at the waterfall I had found on that first trip . There was that nice deep pool right below it and it was a real pretty place to go but no matter how good it sounds that water was cold ! I 'm talking ice water cold . Down home we used to swim in cold creeks and rivers . If you stayed in them long enough you would eventually get use to the water , not up here . I don 't care if you could stay in that creek all day long the only thing you were going to get was hypothermia . I finally got the cellar hole dug even though it took me until the second week in August . I didn 't dig on it every day because I still had a lot of other things to do like getting firewood stored up . I roofed it over with two layers of pine logs then piled all the dirt I 'd dug out back on top of it . I used spruce planks for the door , frame and steps and I put a couple of shelves in it to hole the veggies . I was kind of proud of it once I got it done and even got a surprise when I went down into it after it had been finished for about a week . The interior of the walls had re - frozen . I left my thermometer down there for a day to check it out . It was a cool 30 degrees , just right for a nice cold storage and I was looking forward to having if full of potatoes which were growing well in the garden . Another thing I did just about every day was gather firewood . I had heard enough from the old timers and read enough to know it was going to get mighty cold where I was . I was to find out that I really had no concept of what cold was really like . I ended up with wood stacked two rows deep along both sides of the cabin plus I had built a wood shed that was twelve by fifteen feet and had it stacked completely full . I even had a log pile at one end of the porch I was planning on staying warm . I had started catching a lot of salmon by this time so of course I had to build a smoke house . At least this one wasn 't too hard since I use the left over side cuts from making my planks ; I ended up looking kind of like a log cabin stood on end . The first time I used it I tried to just hang the fish at the top and build a fire at the bottom . First thing it did was get way to hot and I ended up with salmon charcoal . Next I tried sitting right there by it with a bucket of water to keep the fire down . That kind of worked but I would have to sit there at least every other day to handle the fish I was catching . My last plan actually worked pretty well . I dug another hole about six feet from the smoke house with a trench running into the house . I covered the trench with logs and dirt . Now I could start a fire in the hole and get a nice bed of coals built up then throw a bunch of cedar chips that I had soaked in water on top of them . I could then cover the hole and it would smolder and smoke for most of the day . The trench would channel the smoke into the house and all I had to do was stop by every once in awhile and add more chips . Now I could fill the house almost from top to bottom with fish without worrying about them . Of course every time I fired it up I did have to worry about those fish stealing bears . I had been pretty lucky since that first trip . I knew they were around . There wasn 't a day that went by without me finding tracks . Had I have thought of it I 'm sure I would have realized that the well worn trail next to my creek did not happen on its own . For the looks of the tracks on there it must have been a major bear highway . I even came back from a full day of fishing and found a bear sound asleep on my porch . I went back for some more fishing and thankfully he had left by the time I came back . After all the work I did on the cellar I 'm not going to be able to use it , at least not till the fish stealing bears go into hibernation . I smoked about fifteen fish and they were looking so good ! Nice color reOne good point on the wild life front . I had been seeing quite a few more Moose during my wandering around . I liked seeing them because my ultimate goal was to have one up in the cache during the winter . Having a Moose up there would be the difference between whether or not I would be able to make through the winter . I decided to take a day off and go fishing . I knew there were salmon in the river along with the trout I 'd been catching and I wanted to catch as many of them as I could . The nice thing about salmon is that they are fairly easy to smoke or dry and they last a long time . I was planning on having them as one of my main sources of food during the winter months . The problem was I didn 't know for sure when salmon would be making a run up the river so I needed to spend a day fishing every so often to see if they were there . Darn , the trials you have to go through to be a pioneer . I gathered up my pole , lures and a stringer and walked down to the river . I had been having good luck catching trout right at the mouth of my creek but so far I had never seen a salmon there . It was the same this day . I caught a couple of trout which I would smoke and could have probably caught a few more there but I was looking for salmon so I wandered on down the river . I would check out likely spots as I went sometimes catching a few trout but just no luck with the salmon . I had wondered far enough down the river to know it would be dark by the time I made it back to the cabin when I decided to try one last spot . I made half a dozen casts without even getting a nibble . I thought I 'd move to one more deep hole and if I had no luck there I would call it a day . I had only made a couple of casts at the new hole when I got a really good strike . I wasn 't sure what it was . Either a very large trout or it could be my first salmon . All I had was a spinning reel and not very heavy line so I had to work it carefully to make sure I didn 't lose it . I worked my way up and down that bank for a good fifteen minutes before I got it close enough to see that it indeed was a salmon . It took another ten minutes to finally get him up on the bank . I didn 't know the difference between salmons back then I just knew it was healthy looking and weighted around ten pounds . I took a few minutes to get a good enough hold on it to get the hook out . Buy the time I did get the hook out I was too excited to worry about putting it on the stringer . I wanted to get the hook back out and see if there were more of them out there so I just tossed it behind me far enough up to make sure it didn 't flop back in . It took me a little longer to catch the second one but it was even bigger and just as nice looking as the first one . It was getting later and I knew for a fact I 'd be walking home in the dark but I wasn 't going to quit until it was too dark to see . I tossed my line right back out in the same hole . I was having good luck there and didn 't see any reason to change anything . Sure enough it didn 't take over three casts to get another one . I was getting the hang of how to play them by then . I could work to get them down river just a few steps to a shallow spot . Once in the shallows I didn 't have to worry so much about them jumping and breaking the line I just had to keep them from turning and running back to the deep channel . This one felt like he was either the biggest of the bunch or my arms were getting tired but whichever it was I was determined to get him on the bank . I spent a good twenty minutes just getting him into the shallows and close to the bank . Then the unthinkable happened , he broke the line . I had him to the point where over half his body was out of the water by then and there was no way I was losing this fish . I dropped my pole and jumped in the river with him . The water wasn 't even higher than my boots but I must have made a strange sight trying to grab him out of the water . I finally grabbed him but not with a very good hold and I thing I throw him in the air at least four times on the way to the bank . He was a nice looking fish and I 'm pretty sure he was bigger than the first two . I tossed him up with the other two and set to work replacing the hook . I was figuring that if my luck held out the next one should be a real whopper . The only thing I had been paying any attention to was getting the hook replaced and back in the water . I knew the fish were far enough up on the bank to be safe so I didn 't have to worry about them flopping back to the river . I was already planning a big salmon dinner in my mind as I cast back out for the next one . I had caught the first three on a bright red spoon but somehow I had lost it during the fight with the third one . I don 't know if he spit the hook out when he broke the line or if I knocked it out of his mouth during the battle but it was gone . The only other spoon I had with me was a yellow one but I was more than willing to try it . I may have been will but for some reason the fish just didn 't seem to like yellow . I must have cast that thing out there two or three dozen times without a single hit . I was just standing there staring at the river trying to think of something I could do different when I notice a sound behind me coming from where my fish were . I turned to see what it was and got the surprise of my life . Sitting there on the bank , not twenty feet behind me was a bear . It scared me so bad that for a minute I just stood there and stared at him . Then the scare wore off just a bit and I realized that not only was he sitting the on the bank , he was eating my fish ! That wasn 't the only thing I noticed . He had made his self right at home . He was sitting there on his butt , both back legs spread out with all of my fish between his legs chomping away . He looked like a giant , hairy two year old sitting on the floor eating ice cream and he 's looking right at me ! He had my biggest fish , the one I had planned for my fish supper and I watched as he stripped the skin off and ate it . I could even tell the fish was a female because the nest thing he did was eat the roe . Then to add injury to insult he tossed the rest of it down and picked up the next one . I finally after all that time catch a salmon . My pole was too small my line was to light but I did catch them and here was this giant hairy fur ball eating my fish ! And I swear he was smiling while he did it ! My first thought was to go running up there and beat the hell out of him with my fishing pole for taking my fish . My first rational thought was it 's a bear . It 's a big bear . Even sitting on his butt he was still taller than I was and I don 't think getting smacked on the nose with a fishing pole was going to faze him . The part that really drove me crazy was when he picked up the second one he looked at the fist until he had a hold of it , then He looks at me and at the river and back at me like " What are you waiting for got get me another one " Oh I wanted to hit him so bad right then . My common sense finally kicked in though and instead of attacking him I slowly gathered up my stringer ( at least it was close to me and he wasn 't going to get my trout ) and eased off up the river watching him every step of the way . He didn 't move an inch just set there enjoying what should have been my fish diner . I watched him until I felt safe enough to turn around and head back to the cabin mumbling and grumbling all the way about those damn fish stealing bears . Bears , especially the fish stealing kind drove me crazy the first summer I was up there . I didn 't realize until later that I had built my cabin at the intersection of Bear Boulevard and Bear Avenue so there were lots of them around . Brown bears are really big . I had even thought about going bear hunting with a pistol one time . One of my favorite outdoor writers had done that and I figured if he could so could I . I had bought a 41 magnum pistol so I would always have my bear protection gun with me . The first time I saw a brown bear up close and in the wild the last thing I wanted to do was to have to pull that thing . Once he left I took a really close look at that gun . It looked huge when I bought it but after seeing that bear it began to look really smaAnother thing that interested me about bears was how much effort they could put into something that I thought was going to yield them very little food . I could understand the fish ; there was a lot of protein there for the effort . One day I was hiking throw the woods when I saw one digging like crazy at the base of a big fir tree . I could see that he was digging into a huge mound of fir needles so of course I figured he had buried some kind of carcass there and was back for another meal . I found a spot where I could see him good and settled down to watch the show . He was throwing needles and dirt everywhere , then he would stop and shove his nose into the pile then start digging again . I watched him for at least a half an hour but never did see him pull anything out of the pile . As soon as he stopped and got out of sight I went down to see if I could figure out what he had been digging for . It was ants . All that work for nest of black carpenter ants . It just didn 't seem like something that big would get enough food from a nest of ants to make the effort worthwhile . After seeing the sow and the cubs the day before I decided to spent a day working on the door lock . I was pretty proud of it by the time I got finished . I had carved the body from a single piece of spruce and the latch and handles from separate pieces . I had also carved out a recess in the door frame . After I attached the lock to the door and installed the handles you could push down on the handle which would raise the latch from the recess and pull the door open . I had installed the door so it would swing into the cabin ; keep that in mind for later because I would be changing it . The door handle even had a lock on it not that it would keep a bear out but it made me feel a little better . I had carved a short piece of wood that would act as a lever to hole the latch down unless you used a key ( Ok , the key was any stick but the bear didn 't know that ) . My next big project would be the fireplace . I had a large pile of rocks stacked at the rear of the cabin and I was waiting for the cement . I had finally met another person on the river . For the next few months it seems there were going to be quite a few people passing by . It seems that a guy from Circle had a charter boat that he would use to take people on a fishing trip between Circle and Fort Yukon . I guess he 'd been by several times but I just never noticed him before . He knew there was another homesteader living on the river but wasn 't sure where I was so we kept missing each other . I was standing on the bank one day when he went by and seeing me he pulled in to say Hi and see if I needed anything . Over a cup of coffee I happened to mention that I wanted to build a fireplace but I was going to have to wait until I made another trip to Circle so I could get some cement . He ended up offering to bring it to me on his next trip down . Since the cement wasn 't there yet and to be truthful I was kind of tired of working on the cabin I decided to take a break and go exploring . I had been here at the cabin for close to two months and I hadn 't been over a half mile in almost any direction so I wanted to see what was out there . I loaded up my pack including a sleeping bag and gold pan since I was planning on being gone at least a couple of nights and headed up the creek . I had only gone about a mile when I found my first surprise . My creek had a waterfall . It wasn 't flowing as much as when I had first came to this spot but there was still plenty of water coming down off the rock . The falls must have been at least eight feet over all with a shelf about half way down . It was really pretty to watch the white water tumble down into a clear pool . Not only was it pretty , there were trout in the pool . I had one of those collapsible fishing poles in my pack and it only took a minute to dig it out . Those fish may have never been fished before because it only took me a half dozen casts to have two nice size ones . If nothing else happened at least supper was looking good for that night . I worked my way a couple of more miles up the creek and found a spot where it was flowing across a large section of bedrock . I decided to make camp there and use the last of the daylight to see if I could find any color in the bedrock . It was looking like it was going to rain that night so I cut some poles and made a lean to for my tarp which would at least keep me dry through the night . I drug a couple of good size logs to the front of it for the base of my fire then stacked as much firewood as I could . I hung my trout from a tree limb , dug out my gold pan and set out . I dug the sand and gravel out of the cracks in the bedrock until I had a pan full . One thing I noticed right off , even though the days might be getting warmer that water sure wasn 't . I found a tiny bit of color in that first pan . Not much more than to show me it was really there but the fever was on . I foI was going to head back to the cabin the next day but it was still raining the next morning so I decided to spend at least one more day . I hung out around camp feeding the fire and killing time for awhile until I got bored . The rain was tapering off so I thought I 'd go back to the creek and try a few more pans . So far I had found about forty dollars worth of god and I was looking forward to finding some more . I 'd only been on the creek for an hour of so when I heard something moving in the brush behind me . I was afraid it might be another bear but when I looked around it was a cow moose with her calf . I stayed as still as I could and watched them walk by . I 'm not too worried about a bull moose except during mating season but you never know what a cow with a calf is going to do . She may just take off running as soon as she sees you or she could charge . It is really surprising at how mean they can get sometimes . This pair just gave me the evil eye a few times as they wandered on down the creek . I got back to panning as soon as they were out of site and by the time I decided to call it quits I had a few more penny weights of gold to add to my stash . By the time dark fell I had wondered on up the creek a ways , found another hole and caught a good size trout . I was back at camp having supper by the time it got full dark . I really wanted some more gold but I knew I still had work to do at the cabin so I decided to head back the next morning . Big surprise when I got home . There were five sacks of cement laying in the middle of the cabin . Looks like James ( the guy with the fishing boat ) was true to his word so now I can get started on the fireplace . He also left a trowel for the cement ( I forgot to ask him about one but I 'm really glad he thought of it ) and a couple of cans of coffee . I appreciated that because you can never have too much coffee . I 'm going to have to try to catch him next time and see if he can sell my gold for me so I don 't have to make the trip to town . I figure I have about a hundred bucks worth from the creek trip . However much it is I should get at least ¾ of the value which should be enough to keep me in supplies for awhile . I want to make a couple of more trips farther up the creek and see if I can find where it 's coming from . I 'm not sure I can because what I got was mainly fine gold with just a couple of " pickers " which means it 's traveled a long way in the creek . For now the first thing I need to do tomorrow morning will be to try and figure out a fireplace . I have the idea of how to build one from books and the main thing has to be for the smoke to up the chimney instead of out in to the room , how hard can that be ? It was still really hard to cut a hole in the wall of the cabin . No matter how many times I measured it just the thought of all the work I went through to get those walls up just makes you hate to do it . But after worrying myself crazy over it I finally ended up with a four foot by four foot hole cut right in the middle of the back one . I dug out the part of the gravel floor under the cabin wall and put down a double layer of flat rocks to form the base . That was it for the first day as I had to wait for the base to dry before I could add the walls . If I got things right the firebox would stick out into the room by about six to eight inches . I already had a spruce slab cut for the mantle which would be ten inches wide , four inches thick and a little over four feet long . The next day was wall building day . You know it 's hard to build a wall using river rock that are straight and plumb . I spent more of the day trying to pick out rocks that were flat on the top and bottom so I could use the least amount of cement . By the end of the day all I managed to have done were the side walls . Now I had to figure out how to put a top on the thing . I came up with a plan while I was sitting there staring at what I had done during the day . I could lay planks across the inside at the top and put rocks across it to make the top . Even better I could carve a rounded top piece so that when I put the rocks on top the firebox would have a rounded top . I spent most of the night getting the rounded top ready and the next morning when I tried it , it worked fine . Now all I had to do was wait for the rocks to dry and remove the wood form to see if it held . When I pulled the wooden form out surprisingly the top held up just fine . Now I had a fireplace that was nicely rounded at the top with just a little bit of an angle to the back . After that it was just a matter of stacking rocks up the back side of the cabin wall to make the chimney and that was not easy ! I was trying really hard to keep the inside of the chimney as smooth as I could . I didn 't want rocks sticking out inside to catch the soot . Then I had to walk the river for over two miles just to find one flat rock big enough so I could put a rock on each corner and have that one cover the opening . I added a few more rocks to the inside to make a smooth spot for the mantle . I waited four full days for everything to dry before I lit the first fire . When I got the fire built up it was time to celebrate again . The fireplace worked like a charm . The smoke was going up the chimney just like it was supposed to and the warmth was coming out in the cabin . For a person that had never built one before and only had a vague idea of what they were supposed to look like I felt pretty proud of myself . I even fried my fish supper over the open fire just to show off . Want a free PDF copy of Down Home ? Just drop down to comments and tell me what the theme music would have been for Stanley and me . Don 't forget to add your e - mail . The first two folks that answer correctly will recieve a free copy . I found a froe in town . I didn 't really have much hope of finding one at all since I don 't think there used that much in Alaska . For those of you who don 't know what a froe is if like a big steel blade with a circle on one end where the handle goes . The way you use it ( for shingles ) is to stand a block of wood on its end . The froe is sharp on the bottom side with the handle sticking up . You place it on the sharp edge on the wood and drive it down with a hammer . You can move the handle back and forth to change the direction of the split if you need to . When you get a piece split off you turn the block over and do the same thing from the other end . This gives you shingles that are tapered on each end . Up north they tend to make shingles out of cedar about 16 " long down home we make most of them out of oak and they are about two feet long . Since I was going to be using spruce I was going to try and make them like we do down home . I 'd have to think about that I did know where there was a couple of big cedar trees on the place both of which were already blown down so they might not be too hard to cut . The other thing I found in town was a little box stove and stove pipe . I was planning on having a fireplace in the cabin but the way a box stove is made you can pull a great out of the top and cook with it . I also picked up some seeds that the guy swears will grow in Alaska including some seed potatoes and onions . I would have to see since I have no idea what the growing season is . All I know after this shopping trip is I am totally tapped out . About the only thing I don 't have is meat and I 'm planning ( hoping ) that I will be able to supply that through hunting and fishing . So here I am again camped out down the river a little ways from town . The canoe is even more over loaded than it was the first time and I have the thirty mile trip ahead of me . At least this time I have an idea of what 's in front of me . I have really mixed feeling right now part of me is in a hurry to get home and the other part is just as worried about the trip down . Back to the cabin at last . The trip back here ended up taking me six days total . I came down really carefully . I didn 't take any chances with any of the rapids . I packed all the supplies around each one of them including the stove which about killed me . That stove took a trip all by itself around each rapid and on one of them it took two days just to get it to the bottom . That thing better warm the entire cabin and cook meals by itself . The cabin was in fine shape and the only thing I saw out to the ordinary was the squirrel and mouse turds scattered around . I did find some claw marks on one of the trees out by the cache . I don 't know how dig the bear was that made them but when I measured them they a right at nine feet above the ground . I really don 't want to meet up with that bear . I got everything packed away in the cabin and cache . I built a nice fire and relaxed with a hot cup of coffee happy to be home again . The next day I planted the garden . I didn 't have any idea how long the growing season was but I knew there were warm days now and hadn 't been any frost for awhile . It wasn 't going to be a big garden anyway only about twelve feet by twelve feet of so . I picked a spot not too far from the cabin and closes to the creek in case I needed to haul water to it during the summer . Most of the rows went down just the same as you would do them here . I had had some beans , well quite a few beans both green and pinto . I also had peppers , lettuce and tomatoes plus the onion sets . The one thing I had to put extra work was my potatoes . I wasn 't at all sure these would grow up there but I worked my butt off building a dozen mounds for them since I had to haul dirt from another place in five gallon buckets . Now it was time to get back to work on the cabin . The first thing I did was to deck the porch using small pine trees . It wasn 't the smoothest in the word but at least it was a porch and as soon as I got the roof finished off it would be a great place to sit and enjoy the day . Next I needed to work on the door . I took three planks I had cut from the spruce logs and planed the edges down so they would fit tight together and be a little over three feet wide . On the inside I nailed three more planks across those one at the top , one at the bottom and one across the middle . On the front side I did the same to the top and bottom but this time I nailed one at a diagonal from corner to corner . I know this isn 't the way the pioneers would have done it but it was strong and good enough for me . Once I got the door hung the cabin really started feeling like home to me . I carved a simple drop latch to hold it closed for now but I was already thing about how to carve a wooden lock for it . It was time to start on the roof . The tarps I had put there were doing fine at keeping out the rain but I knew there was no way they would last through the winter . I started off by sawing some of the logs I had into two foot lengths then I took my new froe and tried splitting then into shingles . While this may have worked well down home using oak it didn 't seem to work to well using spruce . For one thing they were really hard to split the full length for another the ones I had were only about nine inches thick and it would take me most of the summer to get that many split . So the next morning I took my ax and saw and headed over to the cedar trees . The trees I went after had been blown down by a storm . They weren 't dead by any means there were still a lot of live branches on them and those were what I had to take care of first . I spent the first four hours getting all the limbs off and out of the way . The one I had pick was between two and three feet across and I 'll tell ya , when I started to make that first saw cut I had a whole new level of respect for the guys that did this way in the old days . That thing must have been at least a hundred feet tall and I was trying to cut it into eighteen inch chunks and that makes a lot of chunks . I kept at it until it was dark the just dropped my saw and staggered back to the cabin . I was sore tired and sore that there wasn 't even any supper that night . All I did was take my boots off and crawl in the sleeping bag and die . It wasn 't much better the next morning . I was sore in places that I didn 't even know could be sore I moaned and groaned around the cabin fixing me something to eat while wishing there was anything else I could do that day besides go back to that tree . In the end though I had no choice , I had to finish up that log or I 'd be sleeping under that tarp the rest of the winter so off to the rock pile I went . Maybe my muscles loosened up during the day or I just ignored them but by the time it got dark I was almost finished . Back to the cabin I went for another dead sleep . I was really lucky that no bears came around for those few days because I don 't think I would have known one was there until he started chewing on my ankle . Now believe it or not I was kind of looking forward to the next day . I was still hurting the next morning but that was the day I was going to try splitting the sections into shingles . I knew how this was supposed to work from some books I had read I just wasn 't sure how it actually would work . According to everything I 'd read cedar was supposed to be easy to split but since I 'd never split and I wasn 't sure what they meant about easy . I do know I was really hoping it was going to work because I didn 't have a backup plan to finish off the roof . For once the books were right . I peeled the bark off one of the smaller ends with my splitting maul . Then I split it into quarters so the wood grain would run across the shingle . I put my froe on top and with two hits from the maul I had a tapered cedar shingle just like the books said I would . I did the happy dance around the clearing holding up that shingle like I had just discovered gold and as far as my roof went , I had . After that it was just buckle down and get er done . Once I really got the hang of it , it was surprising at how many shingles I could whack out in a day . Every evening I 'd carry as many as I could back to the cabin and I took every third day off to put the shingles on the roof . At the rate I was going I would have the entire roof done in less than two weeks . The great thing about doing it this way was that if I ever needed to repair or replace any shingles it was just a short walk to get more . On the day I finished the roof I had a little celebration party . I took my fishing pole and wondered down to the river where it only took me about five casts to catch a nice trout . I fried him up with some onions from the garden and cooked him with the box stove I had installed while I was doing the roof . It was really relaxing sitting out on the porch knowing the roof problem was taken care of and watching the world go by . I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible because the next day there would still be a lot of work to do . The first thing the next morning I had to start on something that I had been putting off . I had been sawing planks from logs every time I had a little spare time and not I had a pretty fair stack of the by the cabin . One of the other things I 'd been doing in my " spare " time was watching for good rock along the river . I was looking for something that was about six inches wide and flat as I could find on the top and bottom . I had it in my mind to build a fireplace at the end of the cabin . This was another one of those things where I really had no idea what I was doing but I had seen pictures in a book . Back to the planks and the reason I needed them . One thing I hadn 't built was an outhouse . I had tried to build one using the end of the cabin logs but it was just too small to notch logs for . It had taken me awhile to get around to it because it 's hard sawing planks from logs . I had made a couple of saw horses from some small logs ( I screwed up three of them trying to get the angles right for the legs I ended up cutting the notches for the legs then cut them off to the right length after I put them on ) I would lay the logs on the horses and saw down the log about three times the width of the saw . I would then remove the saw and drive a small wedge in the cut and move over another inch and make the same cut . After I had the entire log spread out like the fingers on a hand I 'd go back and lengthen each cut to within an inch or so of the end of the log . Then I could saw the log off just above the ends of the cut . I had tried just sawing all the way down the side but it was harder to hold a straight line that way and the planks tended to split at the bottom . The outhouse wasn 't that hard to build since it was only four foot by four foot with the one bench . I think it took me longer to dig the hole than it did to build it . I did run into a little problem with the door . I had brought a pair of hinges for the cabin door but totally forgot about the outhouse . It took me two full days to figure out how to make Next up was to build a bunk and get my butt up off the floor with that sleeping bag . It was going to be a simple bunk . Over in one corner and made from a log frame with a small log deck . I may not be the most comfortable in the world but it at least it would be a bed and with the ground mat and my sleeping bag it should work . I also took some of the planks I had left and built a counter top and a couple of wall cabinets . The place was starting to look more like a home every day . Another problem I was going to have would be my window . I had picked up four 6 " x 9 " glass window panes while I was in town . They were all double paned units which I thought would be better for the winter but I didn 't have a frame for them . I had use most of the wood working tools and skills I had for the last few days trying to make a window frame that would hold all four pains . I had to split four pieces of spruce to make the outside frame plus notch them with a chisel so the edges of the pains would fit in them . Those weren 't too bad since they were about three inches wide and the groove was right down the middle . The next part was going to take some work . I needed to make a frame for the inside so I split four pieces about an inch square . There was one long one that would go all the way across the frame and two short ones that would be the verticals . The hardest part was carving the grooves for the panes on both sides the doing a mortise and tenon to join the two together . I filled up the kindling box for the stove before I finally got one to work but I did get it and now it was time to cut the opening in the wall . I really hated cutting holes after all the work I done on those walls so I ended up measuring the opening , sitting on the bunk staring at it , re - measuring it again , staring at it some more . I ended up doing that so much I had to wait till the next day to actually cut the hole . It wasn 't as bad as I thought once I got going and I had it cut , framed and the window in about four hours . Now I could stand at the countePosted by I got an early start the next morning . I hated to go off and leave all my stuff at the cabin without even a door to protect it . I hadn 't seen another person in over a month that I had been there but everything I owned other than the canoe and my pistol were there . I wasn 't used to the way the way the back woods of Alaska worked back then . Since that time I have learned to semi trust people that lived in the bush . I 've had people stay at my cabin while I was gone and have never found any thing missing . Not only that but I have had any of the supplies they might have used either replaced at the time or at least no later than their next trip down the river . But on that trip I just wasn 't sure . I did pretty well that first day . It was hard paddling against the current but I was able to make decent time . I was even able to paddle through one set of rapids but as darkness started closing in I had still made it less than ten miles . I do believe I could have walked to town quicker that forcing that canoe up the river I just wouldn 't have been able to carry near as much stuff back . I found a little back water that would make a nice camp and pulled in before it got to dark to see . I hadn 't thought too much about what to bring on the trip as I was trying to keep the canoe as empty as I could so I 'd be able to haul more stuff back . I really wasn 't looking forward to too many trips to town . I gathered some wood for the night , threw my sleeping bag down and decided to wander around for a bit . One thing I almost always carried with me was a plastic gold pan and I thought I try a couple of pans to see if I could find any color . I was walking along looking for a spot to sample a pan when I spotted something that was even better than gold . Right up next to a large boulder was a salmon . I didn 't even know enough about Alaska to even know what kind it was I just knew it was a big fish and I was hungry . I lay everything down and crawled out on the boulder so I was looking straight down and to my surprise there were at least four of them just hanging there in the water . I had no idea if this was going to work or not but I eased my hands down in the water just to the rear of them . Now , this was a little different than noodleing down home . For one thing , it might have been spring but that river was cold ! It was like sticking your hands into ice water . The feeling started going away in my hands , my fingers were tingling and I knew I wouldn 't be able to keep them in the water very long . For another thing the fish were right out in the open . I 've caught catfish back home this way , in slow moving warm rivers where I could take all the time I needed . Down home you slip your hand slowly up the side of the fish and I 'm not sure how I did it but when I finally got my head back above the water I still had a hold of that fish . I was real lucky to be in that back water instead f out in the main channel . I was able to get my feet under me still hugging that fish and make my way back to shore . By the time I got back to the camp and to the fire I could not help but laughing . Now I finally knew how Stanley had felt during all the time he had fell into the cold water when we were kids . I built the fire up like a fourth of July picnic party stripped of buck naked again and hung my cloths out to dry . I still had to clean the fish and stake him out to roast before I could climb into my sleeping bag and try to get warm . That was a really great supper that night although I 'm not sure I 'd want to pay the price again . Throughout the night every time the fire burned down I 'd wake up and every time I had to build the fire back up so my cloths would dry . It was not really an enjoyable night . The cloths were finally dry be the time the next morning came along . I was still tired from the night before so I was a little slow getting started . I had a little piece of the left over salmon washed down with cold river water ( I 'd forgot to bring coffee ) packed up my sleeping bag and what salmon I had left in my sack and headed up river again . I had only gone about five miles when I came to the next set of rapids . Now on this set on the way down I had to unload all my stuff and walk around the rapids . This time as tired as I was I figure I could paddle like hell between the first set of boulders up to some calm water then go like hell to reach the top . Sounded like a good idea at the time , does that sound like a familiar saying for some reason ? I took off paddling as hard and fast as I could and made it through the first set of boulders to the calm water just beyond . I set there getting my breath back and planning the next move . I figured that if I went like crazy to the right of the next boulder I could make it to the calm water beyond and have a look at the last set . As soon as I got my wind back I took off digging in just as hard as I could . I was going up a slope of water that leaned my canoe back so far I couldn 't really see where I was headed . I had done this before on the Snake River and managed to climb a four foot water fall but for some reason no matter how hard I tried to turn to the right it just didn 't feel right . I knew I was in trouble as soon as I felt the bow of the canoe touch the rock . I had been pushed to the left but not quite enough to end up in the eddy behind the boulder . Thanks to my sleepy mind I ended up compounding the problem when I tried to dig the paddle in on the right and spin myself around . Instead of just slipping around the boulder I ended up turning completely across the current . Even know I had screwed up it was still a surprise when I flipped over . The water was just as cold as it had been the night before except no I was in the middle of the river . I tried to hang oIt took me most of an hour to finally get that fire going enough to put out any real heat . I was only able to drag a couple of pieces of wood to it without having to stop and rest . I really hated to leave it but as soon as I had it going well with enough wood stacked on it to build another cabin I had to go look for the canoe . Thankfully I found it on a gravel bar about half a mile down the river . I had already found the paddle which I was sure I would never find again . My sleeping bag and the rest of the gear was still tied to the front seat and even though it was a little damp I would still be able to use it . It took me another hour to drag it back to the fire which had burned down to coals by then . I kicked the fire over to a new spot and leaned my canoe over the warm ground . I drug the biggest log I could handle over to the fire , added some more wood , put my cloths back out to dry , again . Then I climbed under the canoe in the sleeping bag and didn 't know a thing until about noon the next day . The next day was almost a letdown since nothing happened . There was no falling in the river and after having done that two days in a row I just don 't know how I was going to stand not running around naked waiting for my cloths to dry . I was a little gun shy of the river though . I could carry the canoe and what little gear I had at the same time so I had walked up past the rapids . Once I to the calm water above them I was surprised to find myself a little reluctant to get in the canoe and back out on the water . Falling in might be funny after it 's all over but not while it 's happening . The problem was that the only way to get around where I was would be either water or walk . I already knew I would be able to walk to town faster than I could paddle but there was no way I was going to be able to supply myself for the winter on foot I needed the canoe . In the end it was a practical thought that got me going again . I was on the wrong side of the river and I had to use the canoe to get to the right side . For the rest oPosted by I had spent the previous night gathering firewood and putting together a small camp . I still slept a little nervous that night after my run in with the bear but other than something small running around in the brush during the night it passed fairly quietly . I think part of the reason it had passed quietly was because it had snowed during the night and when I came crawling out of the tent the next morning it was a sight to behold . There was a blanket of snow as far as the eye could see . The creek running through the snow made it look like a Christmas card . I think the one thing that surprised me the most was how quite it was . As I was cooking breakfast the loudest sound around was the crackle of the flames , no cars and no planes . Even camping in the desert you could almost always at least hear the sound of planes passing over head . I had a few tarps along with me and I used a couple of them to add a cover at the front of the tent . I was glad I did because it started raining as I was gathering more wood . I spent most of that day just kicked back by the fire enjoying the silence and watching the world go by . I saw two deer and one moose heading up the trail that day along with assorted squirrels some robber jays and a couple of grouse . Not bad for a first day . By the next morning the snow was gone and the rain had tapered off enough for me to do some exploring . I noticed as I walked along that there was a really good trail running by the creek all the way down to the river . Between the rain and the fact that most of the trail was across a gravel bar it was impossible to tell what kind of tracks were on it , but keep that trail in mind as we go along . I wasn 't going anywhere special that day just checking out the country side when I found something that I figured was going to save me a lot of time . About a half a mile down the river was a grove of spruce trees . It looked like there had been a beaver pond on the creek that ran through the trees . I wasn 't sure what happened to the dam but it was gone and the creek was back to normal . The part that was going to save me labor was that the trees on each side of the creek were all dead . From what I could see they had been in the water at least a foot deep before the dam washed out . Most of the limbs were gone but all the ones I checked felt firm with no rot except right at the bottom . The great thing was there must have been thirty or forty down that creek and if my calculations were correct that would be more than enough to build the walls to my cabin . I hustled back to the camp planning on getting started falling them that day . The problem with that plan was the large bear track I found on the way back . He must have come by while I was up looking at the trees . I knew they were fresh because one of them was on top of my tracks . At least this time I was kind of ready since I had both my rifle and pistol with me . I didn 't really want to have to kill a bear especially not a spring bear . For one thing they don 't taste very good for another he hadn 't been out of hibernation for very long which meant he didn 't have much meat on him anyway . However , if it came to who eats who I was planning on doing my best to have bear steaks for supper . About the time I got back to my creek I saw him across the gravel bar checking out the river . I was right , he was a pretty scrawny looking bear , big , but scrawny . I watched him for awhile to make sure he was headed on up river before I went back to the camp . Thankfully nothing had been bothered at the camp but I realized it was going to be safe just leaving everything lying around . I really needed to remember that I wasn 't in Oklahoma anymore and there were things in these The next morning I took my ax and saw up to the spruce trees and started on the cabin logs . I spent the entire day cutting , trimming and stacking the logs . I figured I 'd be able to get enough logs from that one stand to do a cabin at least fourteen feet by fifteen feet . Since most of the trees were between eight and twelve inches in diameter I should be able to have wall at least seven feet tall . I really wanted a peaked roof but I wasn 't sure what I would use to cover it . If I made a shed rood it would take a lot less material to cover . I spent more of that first day worrying about the shape of the roof than I did cutting the walls . At the end of the day came the hard part . The only way I had of getting the logs back to the cabin site was to drag them . I had some good ones that were a little over a foot in diameter that I wanted to use for the base logs so I wanted to take them back first . I tied a couple of ropes to four of them and looped it over my shoulders . Now those logs may not have been really big but dragging them across the ground through the brush down to the river then around the drift wood and across the gravel was rough . I made it a little over half way before my shoulders were killing me and I had to leave two of them . I made it up to the cabin with the first two then had to rest awhile before I could go back and get the others . As sore as I was it felt really good sitting by the fire that night with be beginnings of my home sitting there by me . I spent the better part of another week getting all the trees down . I had wrapped some cloth around my rope harness for pulling them . It sure didn 't make it any more comfortable but at least it didn 't rub the hide off me every time I pulled some . After the third trip of so I had a path worn out between the grove and the river at least that helped some . Plus I 'd moved the driftwood out of the way . For a time there I had logs scattered all along the river bank . I 'd always start out dragging more than I could handle and would end up dropping part of them . Every time I had a little extra energy I 'd pull a couple on up to the site . Finally at the end of that week I had a stack of about sixty logs ready to work . I had only seen three more bears during the week two of which were on the other side of the river plus one moose that just stood in one place and stared at me . I guess I did look pretty funny to him dragging those logs along . I had built a couple of x frames so I could get the logs off the ground in order to peel the bark off them and be able to saw them to length . It doesn 't take a lot of thought while you 're peeling logs and I was running along on auto pilot one morning when I realized I didn 't want to just stack the logs directly on the ground . If I did it that way I was going to have problems with rot on the bottom logs and since I was planning on living there for years I didn 't want to think about trying to re build the cabin . After lunch I went over to the spot I had picked for the cabin and started digging out and area of about twenty feet by twenty feet . I had to dig sown about six inches to get rid of all the pine needles and roots . Then I took a couple of five gallon buckets and headed down to the river . The way the spring runoff works in the river there are a couple of separate gravel bars . The larger ones are closer to the river but above that was a layer of small ones that I would be able to use . I spent the next three days carrying that gravel from the river up to the spot and back again , god , what I would have given for a conveyer belt . Finally I had a layer over six inches deep . I had tried to tamp it down as I brought it up I must have broken at least three homemade tampers . It was great but at least I didn 't have to worry about drainage on the bottom logs . I worked half of the next day getting those first four logs down . I must have measured those thing a dozen time before I 'd cut the first notch in them . If those first one weren 't square then none of the cabin would be . Plus there was just way to much work in getting those logs to take a chance on screwing them up . I 'll tell ya , there 's something special about laying the foundation to your own place . Even though I had only started and still had a lot of work to do I took a break , leaned back by the fire , had a cup of coffee and did nothing but admire those logs . I had them laid out so the cabin would be fourteen feet wide and fifteen feet long with the two side logs sticking out another six foot so I could have a porch . I was sure how I would build that but if I couldn 't figure it out later I could always cut them off . After all I was building this thing from some pictures I 'd seen in a book . Once I got the hang of it the cabin wall went up pretty quick . It only took me four days to get the walls up to a little over seven feet and I figured that would be tall enough . I still wanted a peaked roof plus I really wanted that porch on the front . It took some trial and error ( more error than I wanted0 but I finally figured out it I just kept cutting the logs back on the front and rear I could have a ridge at the top . I also put in two posts for the porch plus a log across the top of them so I could run the side logs out to it and make a porch . I was trucking along nicely until the third day when I wasn 't paying attention and slipped of a log half way up the roof . It didn 't really hurt me just kind of knocked the wind out of me and since I didn 't have a door or any windows cut in the side walls it was a little hard to get back out . The main thing it really brought home was how alone out there I was . Something like a broken leg would really be a bad thing . I 'd been there for over three and a half weeks and hadn 't seen another person . I was going to have to start paying attention and be more careful . The roof peak is done and today I cut the hole for the door . There is still a lot of work to be done . There is no roof covering other than a couple of tarps . The porch is just the two side logs and the posts . It is covered with the same tarp as the roof . I will get the hole cut for the door but it is doubtful I will have the door finished today . But at least I 'm going to be sleeping inside walls tonight . I have taken two twelve inch spruce logs and sawn them into boards about an inch thick . I will use these to frame the doorway and to make the door I already have two hinges I brought along just for this . I also have about thirty pounds of different size nails . I am planning on my door just being a slab out lined with board on both sides so the nails will come in real handy . I 'm still working on the roof covering idea . I 've thought about using moss . There 's a really thick kind that grows here which I think is more of lichen than it is a moss . Anyway you can cut it in sections and use it for roofing since it doesn 't need dirt to grow in . I saw a guy in Circle that had used it on one of his out buildings . What I 'd really like to use would be spruce shingles . The problem with that is that even though I know how to make them one item I forgot is a froe to split them with . I did get the door opening cut and framed with the boards I had made . I moved everything into the cabin and headed down to the river to take a break and see if I could catch a fish for supper . My supplies were getting a little thin and a fresh caught fish would be a great addition . Last night I did manage to catch one fish for a really great supper . I moved ever thing into the cabin although I forgot about the fact I 've been sleeping on soft pine needles for over a month and forgot how hard that gravel floor was going to be . Today I am packing everything either in the cache or the cabin and blocking it off as best I can because I 'm headed back to town . I figure it 's going to take me about six days to make the round trip knowing that I have to paddle and carry the canoe up river to town and I remember what it was like coming down . I am really short on food so I have no choice plus I want to get the froe and take a shot at making the shingles . I 'm a little worried about leaving everything as I have seen a couple more bears and one wolverine but I just don 't have the option . This little trip happened before I moved back to Seattle . I was looking for something back in those days . I didn 't know what it was but I figured I 'd recognize it when I saw it . I 'd wandered through California , Nevada , Origen and Washington without really finding anything when I happened to get an opportunity to go to work driving a truck in Alaska . I flew from Seattle up to Fairbanks where I met with the company and took a little driving test around town . They must have really needed drivers because once the hired me I found out I wouldn 't be driving around town but up the pipeline road which was frozen solid . No wonder the guy giving me the test kept asking if I had every driven in ice and snow . It really wasn 't a bad job and let me tell you they paid really well and since I was single and more or less living in the truck it didn 't take to long to save you a nice little nest egg . The only drawback was that it looked like the job was only going to last through the winter . I was in Fairbanks when I heard there might be a chance to homestead over by Circle on the Yukon River . This just might be what I was looking for . I 'd been trying to be a " mountain man " since Stanley and I were kids and this would be the chance to see if I could really cut it . I checked it out with the Alaska D . N . R and found out there was some land over there that might be open for homesteading . They weren 't a hundred percent sure and they didn 't make it sound very good . The only way to get to the property would be by walking or by boat trip on the Yukon River either from Circle or Fort Yukon . There was no electricity and never would be to any of the properties . The only water would either be from a hand dug well or we would have to get it from rivers or creeks . I would have to live on the property and do improvements on it each year for at least five years in order to own it . There were a lot more regulations I would have to meet but the more I thought about it the more this seemed like something I could do . I had to makeI loaded up my fourteen foot canoe with all the tools I thought I would need to build a cabin plus what I assumed would be more than enough food and supplies to last at least thirty days before heading downstream . Of course this made for an extremely overloaded canoe . I had just enough room in the back to work the paddle with a mound in front of me that I couldn 't see over . There was still snow on the ground even though it was early spring and everyone in town had told me that it wouldn 't all be melted off for at least another month but the river was open and I was ready to go . My destination was a small sandy beach about 30 miles down the Yukon River where a small creek flowed into it . I had never actually seen the area I was going to but I was sure I could find it from the maps I had . I 'd never really seen the Yukon during spring flood either . If it 's true that ignorance is bliss then I was definitely in hog heaven . I left out at daybreak just as soon as it was light enough to see . I figured it would take me a couple of days to get to the homestead and I didn 't want to rush it . With my usual lack of planning and no more forethought than Stanley and I had as kids down the river I went . The Yukon close to Circle has to be at least a mile wide . The main channel runs closest to town and you could see the flood plain across it . All broken trees and gravel bars . I knew there were other channels over there but I never knew how many . The maps I had never really did justice to it . It was more like a swamp down home or river delta of the Mississippi . I kept waiting for the channels to come back together and make one river , but they never did . For the first few miles it wasn 't too hard keeping to the main channel because it was the deepest and fastest but then it split into three different ones all about the same . Since I was going down the left bank I ended up in the left channel and boy was that a wrong choice . By the time I finished the trip I found there were five sets of rapids in the channel I was following . I made it through the first two all right even though I was thanking my lucky starts that I had an aluminum canoe after bouncing off a few rocks . On the third one I hit a rock dead center with the front of the canoe which shoved me around cross wise of the current and over I went . Thank god I had everything packed in water tight bags or tied to the canoe . I managed to hang onto the canoe as I worked my way over to the bank and was able to drag it ashore . That ended my first day on the river . I 'd made it about ten miles . I had to spend the rest of the day building a fire and running around buck naked trying to dry out my cloths plus running a half mile down the river to get my paddle back . Thankfully the only one out there to see me was one bear and a moose . By the time I had everything unloaded , dried out and repacked in the canoe it was too late in the day to travel any more that night . I hung out a little longer the next morning . I wanted to make sure I had plenty of daylight before heading out . After a leisurely breakfast I loaded everything up and started out again . Things went pretty well the first half of that day mainly because I was taking it easy and trying my best to stay in the main channel . A little after noon things started to go bad though . I ran into some rapids in the main river . I was drifting along not paying attention when I came around a bend and right into the first set . I made it through those even though it scared the hell out of me and made my way over next to the bank just in case there were more of them . It was a good thing I did because the rest of that set were the worst yet . I managed to see them in plenty of time to paddle over to a smaller channel . I ended up having to get out and wade through the smaller one dragging the canoe behind me to get around them . The bad news was that as soon as the channel I was in rejoined the river I could see rapids for at least a mile down the river . I decided to be on the safe side that day so I beached the canoe while I walked down to look around the next river bend and see what I was in for . What I saw wasn 't good . There was no way I was going to be able to get the canoe down through all the rapids and around the rocks , especially not with it loaded like it was . My only option was to unload all my stuff and carry everything down to the next calm area which was about two miles away . I made two trips before dark but had to leave some of the supplies and the canoe . I got everything hung from trees so I wouldn 't have to worry about bears and headed back to the canoe and what I hoped would be a warm camp for the night . I was up and at it early the next morning making the first trip with the rest of the supplies before daybreak . It was after ten by the time I made the last trip carrying the canoe . It was time for a little breakfast and a rest before I started reloading everything . I was sure I 'd find the creek that day . It looked to me like I had about ten more miles to go and I thought I ' be at the spot by no later than three that after noon . Again the map didn 't add quite enough detail . There was one more set of rapids . This one had about three different channels , two of them were to shallow to drag the canoe through and the main one had rocks the size of Volkswagens . I figured you might be able to get past that set if you had a jet boat but there was no way I was going by with my overloaded canoe . Back I went to the piss ant mode unloading everything and carrying it down the bank . My first trip down the river held a real shocker for me . I was trucking along with my head down just trying to get to the end when I happened to glance . There in the trail about fifty feet in front of me was the biggest brown bear I 'd ever seen . The trail on both sides of us was over grown with trees and brush so there was no way for me to run even if I had wanted to . I was just standing there bent under about eighty pounds of gear to scared to run , which turned out to be the best thing . I was trying to slip my hand down to my pistol not that I had any hope of being able to stop him at that distance . About that time he stood up to get a better look at me . He shuffled back and forth on the trail and snapped his jaws a few time and that 's when I thought he 's charge . He just stood there looking at me for what seemed like hours then dropped back down turned and ambled off down the trail . I didn 't move until he was completely gone from sight then I had to sit down for awhile just to get my legs to stop shaking . I never saw him again as I finished packing my stuff below the rapids . I had it all finished by dark after which I tried to burn upPosted by |
Today , I decided to infuse my frog - loving son with some culture . I took him to a theater to see a production of Annie . The show was great , but the trip getting there was an epic adventure . The theater was pretty much in Timbuktu . It was about an hour away from where I live , in a place that I was completely unfamiliar with . As luck would have it , our way was blocked . The sign read : " Road closed one mile ahead . " A detour sign pointed toward an alternate route . I followed the signs down one road , and then down another . Finally , the detour sign pointed down a road that clearly looked like it was closed . Typical Cincinnati signage . But I followed it anyway . I went back to the original road and decided to try my luck going down it . All was well for about two miles . Then the barriers were up , and the road became a dirt path . To make a long story short , I did manage to get to the theater by finding a side street and zig zagging through the town . And I did it with two minutes to spare . Am I good , or what ? Before I tell my story , I have to take care of some unfinished business . A couple of you asked to see a picture of Evelyn , our new pet tree . Here she is : Now for the story . This morning , I took our big German Shepherd , Schultz , for a walk . He likes to sniff around and munch on whatever he may find . This usually does not amount to much . Today , however , was a different story . His big old snoot landed on a pile of white stuff . Apparently he thought it smelled pretty good because he started munching . " Schultz , drop it , " I said . He didn 't listen . He kept munching . I listened to the crunching sounds as he chewed whatever he had found . I couldn 't imagine what on earth it was . I put the dinner in front of my kids and told them to eat it . My son cut into it first . Guess what happened ? The sauce squirted right up his nose ! My daughter was next . She cut into it and got a nice squirt on the shirt . " Mom ! Why do you have to always have these stupid food experiments ? Why can 't you just make normal things like macaroni and cheese ? " " Okay . I 'll make mac and cheese tomorrow - with cauliflower thrown in . " " Yeah , it 's just a baby . Look . " She walked me over to a pot that was sitting on the kitchen counter . Inside was a young pine tree . Under the whole thing was a sign : Evelyn . " Yeah . Isn 't she cute ? Daddy was going to run her over with the lawnmower , and I saved her life . Can we keep her ? " This evening , she came downstairs rapping to one of Nicki Minaj 's songs . I couldn 't understand a darn word she was saying . ( I probably didn 't want to , either . ) " Two hours ? " I couldn 't believe it , because there 's no way I could learn it in two hundred years . " You should spend that time on your school work , " I said . It was indeed interesting . I went out to the garage about fifteen minutes later and discovered my son playing with his fishing rod . At the end of the line was a paper dangled from the hook . 2 . I never attended a rock concert until I went to see Taylor Swift two years ago , with my daughter ( although I had seen plenty of orchestra concerts ) . Truthfully , although Ms . Swift was a fantastic performer , I wouldn 't want to go to another concert . Even with earplugs , it was way too loud , and it hurt my ears ! 5 . I am allergic to most cats . Oddly , I am not allergic to my own , although he 's a tabby - one I should be allergic to . 1 . Junie Junebug I don 't know if she 's crazy , but I just love this lady ! She even offered to make me chicken soup when I wasn 't feeling good : ) . So I just had to give her a daisy ! 2 . Pat Hat This guy is definitely crazy ! ( Sorry , Pat , you are ! ) But his rhymes are so funny . Sometimes they 're a little off color , ( you 've been warned ) , but it never ceases to amaze me the stuff this guy can pull out of his hat . 3 . Crack You Whip This lady has a great sense of humor . You have to stop by and read some of her stuff . ( I don 't know if she 's still blogging , because her last entry was in August , but you can still get a laugh over some of her previous posts . ) I watched the boy go to work . He had his toolbox and shovel . I watched him collect tree branches and rocks . I could tell this was going to be a masterpiece . Soon , my son 's buddy came over . He decided to pitch in , too . It was a major production . The boys worked diligently . Schultz , our German Shepherd , stood by the door and watched all this activity with great interest . I could tell he wanted to join in . Finally , I let him out of the house . He ran like a madman over to the construction site . As soon as he got there , he picked up a giant branch . He trotted around the yard with that thing in his mouth . " Schultz ! " my son yelled . " Stop it ! " Schultz didn 't listen . So I went outside . " Come here , Schultz . " The big furry beast pranced over to me with the branch swinging from side to side . I led him to the construction site . " Drop it , " I said . First of all , I 'd like to say thanks to all of you who stopped by for author , Virginia Wright 's guest post . You left some wonderful comments for her ! The winners of the giveaway are Winnie and Vanisha . Congratulations ! Second , my commenting and posting here is going to be sporadic for the next few days . We 're having our entire house painted , so our main computer is down , and our Wi Fi connection is not always available . I 'll do my best to post and comment on everybody 's blogs , but if I 'm not here , you 'll know why . I never saw the body , so it was a bit of a mystery , until yesterday . We had to move the fish tank so that the painters could get to the wall behind it . And guess what was lying on the floor behind it ? Yep . The dead angel fish . Apparently he wanted to head for the open sea , like that fish in the movie , Finding Nemo . One of his buddies decided to jump out of the tank , too . So there were two dead fish on the floor . Yeah , something like that . I personally think they got a look at Schultz 's big head when he stuck his snoot by the the tank . He probably scared the heck out of them , and they died trying to escape ! I have concluded that I am a certifyable nutcase . But you probably already knew that . So here 's what happened . My husband decided that we needed to unload stuff we hadn 't used in a year or two . That was fine . I agreed to go through things and come up with a pile for donations . One of the things my husband wanted to get rid of , was a huge pink Victorian doll house that my daughter got from her grandparents when she was five years old . This thing weighs at least 40 pounds . It 's made of wood and has all kinds of cute wooden Victorian furniture in it . It was also custom - designed by my daughter . She had picked out the floor patterns and wall paper to match our first house - the house where she was born . My mother - in - law , a nice lady from Poland , was so happy to give this to her granddaughter . " I never thought I 'd be able to give my grandchildren something this nice , " she had said with tears in her eyes . I told her I would pass it on to her great - grandchildren . It didn 't look like that was going to happen , because the doll house now sat in the donation pile . I wasn 't too happy about it , but I understood that a forty pound doll house that wasn 't used anymore was a big thing to lug through life . " I 'll ask the neighbors if they want the doll house for their girls . " I marched to the neighbor 's house with my daughter , and asked them if they wanted it . " Sure , " they said . " We 'll be over in a little bit to look at it . " Meanwhile , my daughter and I went home and took pictures of the doll house that was now in our garage . My daughter told me about how she picked out the wallpaper . And about how Grandpa picked out the wallpaper in one room . And how she didn 't like his choice . But now she does . And I remembered playing dolls with her when she was little . And then I remembered our old Victorian house - the one I never wanted to leave . And I remembered what Granny had said . I started to get a little emotional . A little while later , the neighbors came over with their girls . Of course the girls liked the house . " We 'll go get our car and take it to our house . " Fine . I went back in my house and hid in the office . I didn 't want to see it go . My husband happened to notice that I looked a little upset . " What 's the matter ? " he asked . " I just don 't want to get rid of the doll house , " I said . " Too many memories . Or maybe I 'm just being hormonal . " I didn 't want to disappoint the little girls who thought they were getting a doll house . " No , " I said . " Just let them have it . " " Okay , " my husband said . " We won 't get rid of it . Apparently this thing means a lot to you . " He went outside when the neighbors arrived and told them we changed our mind . Fortunately they were cool about it . We gave the girls some talking stuffed animals to make up for it . They were thrilled . It 's a busy place at my pad , today ! First , we have the Genre Favorites Blogfest , hosted by none other than Ninja Captain , Alex Cavanaugh . Then we 'll have an interview with children 's author , Virginia Wright , and then if you 'd like , you can be part of Virginia 's book giveaway . Favorite Music : Classical ! I am a professional musician , so this kind of music is my life . I prefer music from the romantic period ( Beethoven , Brahms , Mendelssohn , Tchaikovsky ) , but on piano , I love playing the music of Debussy , which is from the impressionistic period . Favorite Books : Middle grade fantasy . I 'm a big kid who never grew up . I love reading this stuff , and I love writing it . Books like Rick Riordan 's Percy Jackson series , or Harry Potter , or some of Kate DiCamillo 's books are right down my alley . Guilty Pleasure : I 'd have to say sitting down with a box of dark chocolates , watching a romantic chick flick would be it . Good thing I don 't have much time to do it , or I 'd weigh like two tons . On to the interview with Virginia Wright . ( This is a repost from yesterday , so if you 've already read it , you can skip to the end . The giveaway goes until September 19th . ) Born and raised in Belfast , ME , children 's author Virginia Wright began her writing career at an early age in a diary with lock and key given as a gift by her mother . After graduation from high school in 1976 , she took coursework in journalism and writing . Later , as a mother and homemaker , her writings were published in local publications and newspapers , as well as online . A military family , the Wrights have lived in countries all over the world and in seven different states . Her five grandchildren and being a preschool teacher in Mississippi gave her inspiration to write children 's book . Ever since I was a young girl ― I put words to paper . I can remember sitting on the veranda of my parent 's house writing , first it was a little diary with a lock and key , later , as I started growing up it was a pen and pad in hand - back then , I wrote mostly Poetry and Haiku 's . My excitement for writing was realized in 1981 , when I sold my first writing to a regional publication Washington County Magazine , but the excitement for writing didn 't stop there , it continued to grow ! While I consider myself a mixed genre writer , children 's writing has definitely taken front and center the last couple of years . What I like most about children 's writing the reactions from children when they listen to my stories and turn the pages of my books . If I see their smiling faces , it was all worthwhile to me . Aren 't kids the best ? I love that , too ! 3 . Tell us about Crying Bear Yes Bears Cry Sometimes Too . What inspired you to write it ? Crying Bear was the name of a stuffed bear that I had when I was a little girl , and she became the inspiration for the title of my latest children 's book . Crying Bear was a furry red , chubby bellied , stuffed bear . It had tears that were manufactured on the face that ran down onto the cheek . A very special little toy of mine for certain . I 've read Crying Bear . It 's a sweet book ! It 's nice to know about the inspiration for it . 4 . The world of children 's book publishing is extremely competitive with many authors hesitating between trying their luck with a traditional publisher or self - publishing . What advice would you offer writers who are oscillating between these two publishing venues ? My personal best advice to authors trying to decide between traditional publishers or self - publishing is to ― just write ! Then for inspiration , Google John Locke , Amanda Hocking , and Colleen Hoover . John Locke is the eighth author in the world , and the first self - published author in history ― to have sold 1 million eBooks on Kindle ! All three of Amanda Hockings books in her Trylle Trilogy - Switched , Torn , and Ascend - were originally self - published , but were later re - released with St . Martin 's and Pan Macmillan Internationally . Her trilogy also made the USA Today Bestseller list , the New York Times Bestseller list and was recently optioned for a film . Colleen Hoover self - published her book , Slammed and in just a few short months signed a contract with Simon & Schuster . With that said , self - publishing is definitely worth a try , especially putting words into digital format ( e - Book ) , because who knows … one day a traditional publisher may come along and offer you a seven - digit book deal that is too good to pass up . I 'm still waiting on mine , and I never give up hope . * * Smiles * * Today we have a first at my pad . A guest author ! Drum roll , please . I am very excited to introduce you to Virginia Wright , children 's author , and one super - nice lady ! Born and raised in Belfast , ME , children 's author Virginia Wright began her writing career at an early age in a diary with lock and key given as a gift by her mother . After graduation from high school in 1976 , she took coursework in journalism and writing . Later , as a mother and homemaker , her writings were published in local publications and newspapers , as well as online . A military family , the Wrights have lived in countries all over the world and in seven different states . Her five grandchildren and being a preschool teacher in Mississippi gave her inspiration to write children 's book . I asked Virginia some questions about her writing career . Here 's what she had to say : 1 . Tell us a little bit about your background and how you became a children 's book author . Ever since I was a young girl ― I put words to paper . I can remember sitting on the veranda of my parent 's house writing , first it was a little diary with a lock and key , later , as I started growing up it was a pen and pad in hand - back then , I wrote mostly Poetry and Haiku 's . My excitement for writing was realized in 1981 , when I sold my first writing to a regional publication Washington County Magazine , but the excitement for writing didn 't stop there , it continued to grow ! While I consider myself a mixed genre writer , children 's writing has definitely taken front and center the last couple of years . What I like most about children 's writing the reactions from children when they listen to my stories and turn the pages of my books . If I see their smiling faces , it was all worthwhile to me . Aren 't kids the best ? I love that , too ! 3 . Tell us about Crying Bear Yes Bears Cry Sometimes Too . What inspired you to write it ? Crying Bear was the name of a stuffed bear that I had when I was a little girl , and she became the inspiration for the title of my latest children 's book . Crying Bear was a furry red , chubby bellied , stuffed bear . It had tears that were manufactured on the face that ran down onto the cheek . A very special little toy of mine for certain . I 've read Crying Bear . It 's a sweet book ! It 's nice to know about the inspiration for it . 4 . The world of children 's book publishing is extremely competitive with many authors hesitating between trying their luck with a traditional publisher or self - publishing . What advice would you offer writers who are oscillating between these two publishing venues ? My personal best advice to authors trying to decide between traditional publishers or self - publishing is to ― just write ! Then for inspiration , Google John Locke , Amanda Hocking , and Colleen Hoover . John Locke is the eighth author in the world , and the first self - published author in history ― to have sold 1 million eBooks on Kindle ! All three of Amanda Hockings books in her Trylle Trilogy - Switched , Torn , and Ascend - were originally self - published , but were later re - released with St . Martin 's and Pan Macmillan Internationally . Her trilogy also made the USA Today Bestseller list , the New York Times Bestseller list and was recently optioned for a film . Colleen Hoover self - published her book , Slammed and in just a few short months signed a contract with Simon & Schuster . With that said , self - publishing is definitely worth a try , especially putting words into digital format ( e - Book ) , because who knows … one day a traditional publisher may come along and offer you a seven - digit book deal that is too good to pass up . I 'm still waiting on mine , and I never give up hope . * * Smiles * * Okay , then . I guess it 's the new tween fashion trend . Maybe I should put my hair in a bun and shove a pencil through it . Then I 'll be cool . I think I found a new milk mustache model . " Who is it ? " you ask . It 's none other than Schultz , our big furry German Shepherd ! My daughter was eating dinner , and moving way too fast . I 've never seen anyone eat dinner , talk with her hands , and dance with her feet all at the same time . But that 's what she does . Usually we don 't have any incidents as a result of this bizarre behavior . Today , however , her luck ran out . My daughter knocked over a full glass of milk . It spilled all over the table and dripped on to the floor . Schultz was right there to save the day . He flicked out his big pink tongue and licked it off the table . Then he took care of the floor . When he was done , he had a nice white milk mustache on his black snoot . Fruit Flies : Part 2 Yesterday , we discovered we had a fruit fly infestation . My husband concocted an apple cider vinegar poison which knocked a lot of them off . But they kept coming . " Okay , " I said to my husband . " These things are proliferating , and we got rid of all our fruit and vegetables . Where are they coming from ? " My husband shrugged his shoulders . " I don 't know , " he said . " But I don 't like bugs in my house ! " Yeah . I don 't either . I like animals , but not bugs . If these things weren 't stopped , we 'd have about a thousand little buzzer pets . Not good ! So we went on a search . We looked through the kitchen . There were a couple flying around , but nothing significant . We looked in the family room . None in there . Then we looked in the laundry room . That 's where they seemed to be hanging out . " Why would they be in here ? " I asked . " There are no bananas in here . " Or were there ? Our laundry room serves as a mud room . The kids toss their coats and shoes and backpacks in there when they come in the house . My husband noticed my daughter 's pack back hanging on the hook . A bunch of fruit flies were congregating around it . Uh oh . He opened it up . " Augh ! ! ! ! ! " he yelled , and nearly vomitted . " There 's a rotten peanut butter and jelly sandwich in there , and a swarm of fruit flies ! " He quickly ran out of the house with that thing and tossed it in the outside garbage . When my daughter came home from school today , I asked her about the sandwich in the backpack . " Oh , yeah , " she said . " We had a picnic at the lake when we went fishing , and I forgot to take it out of the backpack when we came home . " We had a visitor in the house today . Actually , we had quite a few visitors . These were the six - legged variety , also known as fruit flies . They must 've hitched a ride on a banana from Venezuela or something . The first one was kind of cute . I named him Auzz . Then I saw his buddy . I named him Buzz . Then there was Cuzz , and Duzz , and Euzz . By the time I met Zuzz , I realized these little guys weren 't just here for a visit . They had brought their suitcases and were moving in . What the heck ? I thought . I guess I was supposed the fight the varmints myself . So I got out a can of Raid and sprayed . Auzz and his friends took off . I didn 't see them for a while . But a few hours later , there they were again . He came out of his office . He went to the cupboard and got out a bottle of apple cider vinegar . Then he got out a glass , a ziplock bag , and a rubberband . He poured the apple cider vinegar into the glass , covered it with the ziplock bag , rubber banded it to the glass , and poked a tiny hole in the center . Then he walked back into his office and shut the door . I shook my head and went about my business . An hour later I came back into the kitchen where the glass was placed and looked at it . And guess what ? Auzz , Buzz , Cuzz , and Duzz were taking a swim in there . And Euzz , Fuzz , and Guzz were hovering around , watching . Pretty good . So if you ever have little visitors of the fruit fly variety , go get yourself some apple cider vinegar , a ziplock bag , and a rubber band . They 'll be gone in no time . Guess who 's birthday it is ? Yep . Our big furry German Shedder / Shredder is two years old ! Two years of trouble . So let 's recap what this beast has done . He 's destroyed our grill , chewed our kitchen chairs , tromped my flower gardens , drank my mother - in - law 's coffee , ran away from home four times , tried to eat my violin , jumped in the bathtub with my son , eaten my husband 's wallet and credit cards , and drank water from the toilet . I 'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff , but I think you get the idea of what a fine pet he 's been . To celebrate the occassion , we had a birthday party . ( No chocolate at this one ! ) We got the beast a squeaky red rubber ball ( pictured ) which is his new favorite toy ( can you tell ? ) . We got him four new bones , and invited his best friend , a white lab named Charlie , over for a play date . Those two had a blast romping around the yard , chasing each other , and sniffing each other 's behinds . When it was all done , Schultz snuggled with his ball , and had a nice long nap . I think he 's gearing up for the terrible two 's . Let 's see what kind of trouble he can get into this year ! Posted by Welcome to the " What 's Your Chocolate ? " blog hop ! When I saw this topic , I knew I had to get involved . I love chocolate ! My favorite is dark chocolate . I think it 's an addiction or something . In fact , I 've been known to go to the store , get one of those baker 's chocolate bars , and eat a few squares . My kids , apparently , have inherited the " I love chocolate " gene . A few weeks ago , we took a little trip to Cleveland , Ohio to visit some friends and family ( that 's where I 'm from ) . Cleveland , Ohio is home to Malley 's , the most awesome chocolate candy store in the USA . ( Malley 's , for you trivia fans , is the candy store that invented Sweetest Day . ) Of course , we had to visit that place . That sounded like a great idea , so that 's what we did . When we were done , my son had chocolate all over his face , and even some on his shirt . I chuckled . " Come on , let 's go get some more chocolate . " That sounded good to me . So , in a couple of weeks , we are going to have a chocolate - themed birthday party for my daughter . On the list is a chocolate fountain , chocolate brownies , chocolate cake , and chocolate milk . Anybody want to come ? Posted by I looked at that thing . It was most definitely pink . I called my daughter over to get a second opinion . " Yeah , it 's pink , " she said . I nodded . " Yep . Apparently light pink is a color that you can 't see very well . " My boy is color deficient . He can 't see colors the way most people do . So pink things look blue , and yellow things look green . Interestingly , his favorite color is yellow . He doesn 't even see what yellow really looks like . To him , it 's lima bean green . Anyway , now I have to make sure he doesn 't leave home with his pink teddy bear . His buddies would really wonder about that . ( Unless they 're color deficient , too ! ) All of you parents out there know how much fun it is helping your kids with their homework . This year , it 's at a new level for me . My daughter is in the " gifted " program , and her homework is rather challenging . Today , I was trying to help her with her math assignment . She 's taking a course on DaVinci Vision , and it has something to do with proportions . Anyway , she had to look at an animated chart from some tracker software on the computer . She had to analyze the fraction / decimal ratios . " Mama , " she said . " I don 't get it . Can you help me ? " I walked over to the computer and stared at the flashing yellow and white chart . The numbers , first of all , were microscopic . Second , the chart was flipping back and forth so fast between the decimals and fractions , I could barely read anything . Well folks , I hate to say it , but I 've been sick for the last four days . I guess all that bushwhacking wore me down . My body couldn 't handle an attack from some itty bitty bacteria and I fell apart . The good news is , I went to the doctor and got a good dose of powerful antibiotics . The bad news is that I look like . . . well , I won 't say what I look like , but it isn 't good . I looked in the mirror . There were dark circles under my eyes . Maybe that 's what he was talking about . I had to chuckle at his comment , though . " Bubba , I don 't look like a zombie . I look like a vampire ! " All right then . So , ladies and gentlemen , if you see me running down the highway , acting kind of strange , the best advice I can give you , is to get away as fast as you can ! There 's no telling what I might do . Posted by " Well , I went into the freezer to find some desert , and I saw the cherry cordial ice cream . It looked so good , I couldn 't resist . So I got a cereal bowl and filled it to the top , and ate the whole thing . " I would like to give a heartfelt thanks to Medeia Sharif for bestowing the " Very Inspiring Blogger " award to me . If Medeia had not already been selected , I would have definitely chosen her for the award . She is one disciplined writer ! She 's also a very nice person - always featuring other authors on her site . If you don 't already know Medeia , be sure to visit her ! 4 . Arlee Bird - Well , this A - Z challenge creator is a blog master . I don 't know how he has time to write so many blogs and keep up with all the commenters . Definitely inspiring ! 5 . Alex Cavanaugh - Captain Ninja himself . Is he not inspiring ? If you don 't know him , go meet him . You 'll be inspired ! 1 . I never broke a bone until I had kids . Now I break toes all the time , tripping over my kids ' and husband 's clutter . 2 . I can do a headstand , but I couldn 't do a cartwheel if my life depended on it . 7 . I 'd like to visit Antarctica before it melts . So there you have it . Inspiring bloggers , and uninspiring info about me . I hope you get to visit these great people . I 'd love to add all of you , but if I did , this post would be ridiculously long ! Today we have a first at my pad . A guest author ! Drum roll , please . I am very excited to introduce you to Virginia Wright , children 's author , and one super - nice lady ! I 've read Crying Bear . It 's a sweet book ! It 's nice to know about the inspiration for it . 4 . The world of children 's book publishing is extremely I of course , buttered my corn by cutting off a little pad of butter and spreading it with my butter knife . My husband ? Well , he 's not quite as civilized as me . He took his ear of corn and rolled it in the whole stick of butter . My son saw that , and thought that was the greatest thing in the world . I don 't know if you recall the 7 Up incident a year or two ago . If not , here 's a quick recap : We were having a party at my house , and I had gotten Seven - Up and Fruit Punch for the drink . The refrigerator was packed , so I balanced those bottles rather precariously on the shelf . Well , my husband opened the refrigerator , and out fell the Seven - Up bottle . The cap popped off , and there was a mighty explosion . It sprayed everything . In fact , there are still spots on the ceiling from that little incident . Anyway , my husband vowed vengeance . Let me tell you about his paybacks . Last month , he had left his suitcases in the middle of our bedroom floor . I ended up tripping on them and whacking my foot on a chair . The result was two broken toes . Let 's just say that walking the dog has not been easy ! That was bushwhacking number one . Yesterday , my husband made dinner . That was a good thing , because he 's a really good cook . But he doesn 't like to clean up the dishes afterwards . He saves that job for me . I commenced dishwashing operations and picked up a stainless steel lid that was resting on the stove top . Little did I know that the burner underneath was still on . Talk about some serious pain ! My hand blistered up immediately . " Owww ! ! ! ! " I hollared . Fast forward to the evening . I was tucking my daughter in for bed . She had to make some final adjustments on her stuffed animal collection , so I thought I would sit down on the floor in front of her bed and rest my broken body . I grabbed one of her magazines off the dresser and started looking through it . When she completed her arranging , I put the magazine back on the dresser . " Mom , that 's not how it goes ! " She jumped off the front of her bed - right onto my leg . More pain ! " What do you mean , ' you need a new bike ? ' " I said . The kid had gotten a new bike a year ago , and it seemed to fit him just fine . Uh oh . That didn 't sound good . I went outside to investigate the situation . What I found was a serious mess . An entire reel 's worth of fishing line was wrapped around my son 's back wheel and entwined in his chain links . " Let me get the sissors , " I said . I came back out and started working on that thing . Let me just say , it took almost an hour to cut out all that fishing line and get it out of the chain . When I was done , my hands were covered in black chain grease . I was not a happy camper . " Listen here , kid , " I said . " You make sure that ' somebody ' doesn 't leave fishing line hanging around on the ground anymore , because if that ' somebody ' does , this ' somebody ' isn 't going to be very happy ! " Posted by If you 're a parent , you know all about the funny things kids ( and pets ) do . Here 's a daily account of all of the goofy things that happen in my life . Sit back and enjoy the ride ! I am a professional musician who plays and teaches violin , viola , and piano . I am also a childrens author . My published works are That Baby Woke Me Up , AGAIN , That Mama is a Grouch , and Ten Zany Birds . You can visit me at www . sherryellis . org . First of all , I thought German Shepherds had good noses . Second of all , I thought German Shepherds were supposed to be smart . I don 't . . . I took my seven - year - old son roller skating at the local skate rink today . It was his first time . He laced up his skates , got himself in a . . . I 'm a little late this month for the Question of the Month . But hey , better late than never . Host , Michael Agostino 's question . . . My twelve - year - old son had a class field trip to a place called Biz Town . At Biz Town , the kids are given grown - up jobs . They spend seven ho . . . This morning , at the crack of dawn , I dragged my son to the bus stop . It was his first day back after summer break . None of us were too pl . . . |
The story of life on a real farm , being lived by people who are new to farming ! We are a family : husband and wife , three daughters , and one grandson . We have a herd of beef cattle , and a lot of other farm animals thrown in . We grow and put up most of our own food . We are simple living people , giving God the Glory . We 'd love you to stop by and meet us ! Each day is different , and there is never a dull moment on the Farm ! Hello friends ! My Internet and computer are now working again , and I am back ! But I will start again for real tomorrow . I was getting ready to fill you in on all the news , when my daughter called and told me they had been robbed , and she and the baby are on their way to stay the night . So I am cleaning out his room so you can walk in there , and making the bed . I 'll see you all tomorrow . Happy Halloween ! Honey h friends . Our computer got spyware . In the process of removing it , the electricity went off . When it came back on , the computer would not load . I have to get a friend to come look at it . I 'm updating this for you on my Blackberry . 2 inch screen . If you don 't see me for a few days , you 'll know why . I will miss you . I think the devil is behind this . Hope to see you soon honeyi Today is the day Fall decided to arrive in North Alabama . Pappy and I moved my plants inside , including two budding Christmas cactuses that will bloom next month . We picked the garden , moved the baby animals , put lights on the birds , and all sorts of chores like that . I thought I would share the last of the blooming flowers with you before the frost gets them . That is one thing about living in the South . You never know what the weather will be like . Monday GrandBoy was taking a nap on a pallet under a tree outside , without his shirt . Tonight it will freeze , and tomorrow 's temperatures will not get out of the 50 's . This rose we gave to Daughter # 3 when her son was born . At the time , they lived with us . It blooms all summer long . GrandBoy 's lonely tire horse swing Well , I made it through dental surgery . I went yesterday at 1 : 00 pm to have my tooth pulled . It took an hour to get the tooth out . That must be unusual , because they said it never takes that long to pull a tooth . This tooth should have had one root , and it had three . So I guess it was somewhat of a big deal . I kept ice on my face religiously to keep the swelling down . This morning when i got up , my eyes were almost swelled shut , and my mouth drooped on the side the tooth was pulled . I hope this isn 't permanent ! Other that a soreness , from the pressure of pulling on my jaw for an hour , I really don 't have pain . I 'm afraid I may start to bruise tomorrow , but we will see . I 'm glad the tooth is out . I had a hair appointment today , but I cancelled it . I had to stay home from work today because I didn 't think I should drive since I had been on pain medication the day before . I went back to bed and slept till 10 : 30 . Tomorrow I will resume my normal life . I really didn 't need to lose two days of business , but that happens sometimes . The neighbors brought over 3 grocery bags of turnip greens , and a bag of cayenne pepper . I put the pepper in two baskets until I can do something with it . The greens went into the refrigerator outside until I can process them for the freezer . So there really wasn 't much going on at the farm today . It stormed here tonight , and we really needed the rain . Pappy worked at daughter 's trailer today , and bush hogged one of the pastures this evening . So tomorrow everything will be back to normal tomorrow . See you then . Honey Hello Friends ! Happy Sunday . I hope you had a wonderful , restful day with your family . A few days ago , I broke a tooth . This tooth had actually been cracked for about four years . Pieces had broken off twice since then . But this time the tooth broke horizontally on the front . It is broken off almost gum line , and I am afraid it will start hurting , if I don 't get to the dentist quick ! The first appointment I could get is for tomorrow ( Monday ) at 1 : 00 . So far , the tooth area is tender , but not in killer pain . So I am happy about that . We may get our first freezing weather this week . It will get to 35 or so mid week , so Pappy and I are keeping an eye on the situation . If it does look like it will get to freezing , we have to do things in advance like move the doves to the green house , get all the house plants moved indoors , pick the garden one last time , and cut all the blooming flowers . Some things I can cover with a sheet , like the mums . I went ahead and picked all the tomatoes today . I also picked that majority of the peppers , but left the small ones a little longer . I picked the last of the beans , too . I read this week that Fall is the country 's favorite season . Well , it isn 't mine . I think Fall is depressing . Fall means that we are one step away from winter , and I hate to be cold . It also means that year end is almost here , and I need to hurry up and finish all the things I need to have done before the year ends . I 'm a procrastinator , so there are always things I need to get done . Pappy is one of the people who love Fall though . I separate the greens tomatoes from the red ones . The red ones I will can . I start out by washing them and then dipping them in boiling water . The skin will split , and then you take them out and place them in cold water to chill . Once cooled you can pull the peels off comfortably . I will fill a jar with the skinned tomatoes . Finish filling the jar with boiling water , add salt and lemon juice , and seal the jar with a hot flat and canning ring . When all jars are ready , process at the specified time . I use these tomatoes in tacos , spaghetti , soup , chili , anywhere and everywhere you would use canned tomatoes . Some people also use them in garden salads , during the winter . I haven 't tried that , but plan to this year . Each year I place my green tomatoes in this contraption to turn red and ripen . And they do all turn red eventually . I 'm not sure what this is , because someone left it in one of our rental properties . There are four spaces in it when fully extended . I have all but one clipped together because I don 't have that many tomatoes this year . Some years the whole thing is full . If anyone knows what this item is really used for , please let me know . Pappy thinks it is a pie cooling rack . Personally , I wouldn 't want my pies swinging around in the air , but maybe others feel differently . Our neighbor just called us to see if we wanted to pick turnip greens tonight before the weather turns . I told him that I would call Tuesday , after my dental appointment . I don 't think I will feel like fooling with them tomorrow . Our neighbor also has more hot pepper . That is kinds funny , because I just finished stringing the last of the pepper they brought us a month ago . I did that yesterday while watching the Alabama Game . I think I will make pepper sauce if I get some more this week . I guess that is enough today from he e . I still have to find time this week to can appl s . I wish I had vacation time so I could get paid while doing some things around he e . If I can 't figure out when to can apple slices , I guess I will put the apples in our roaster one night , and make apple sauce to c n . That will cook down on their own without my supervisi n . I also purchased grapes to make grape juice to t y . Just a couple of quar s . I need to do that , t Today was one of those days where all you do all day is put out fires ! Or at least that was the way I felt . I got up at 5 : 00 because GrandBoy couldn 't find his paci . At that time , the house was fine . Since I still had an hour till time to get up , I reset the clock to ring at 6 : 30 , and laid back down with GrandBoy . When i got up at 6 : 30 , I took one step into the bathroom , and knew immediately that the floor was wet . So was the seat ! I thought the toilet had maybe overflowed . Instead , what had happened was that we had a hard rain , and the roof leaked in that bathroom over the toilet . I wiped off the toilet , took the photos of the wall , moved the toilet tissue , and wiped up the floor . I got dressed , got GrandBoy dressed , and woke up Daughter # 2 and Pappy . The time is now 7 : 40 , and I should have left for work 10 minutes ago . I still had not packed a lunch , loaded the car , and those sorts of things . I called into work , and left a message that I would not be able to come today . After things started to open for business , I called our roofer . He said he would work me in , and call back . Two tenants had rent to be collected , so I made appointments for that . I filled up my car , and went to both post offices , but there was no rent at either place . Pappy called to say that the other car was ready to be picked up from the shop . So I made plans to pick it up when Daughter # 3 got home from work . I also picked up milk , and got a few other marked down items , like organic butter , cookie dough , yogurt , bagels , and a deli pizza . I deposited the rent I was able to collect , and went home to meet Daughter # 1 . The roofers came and got started . I told them I had to run pick up a car , and I would be back in about 15 minutes . When I got back the roofers were finishing up . Pappy and GrandBoy pulled up . I paid the roofer , and told Pappy that there was a pizza on the stove for lunch . I ran and got some more rent collected and came back within an hour . After I got home , I took a bite of pizza , and my tooth broke off ! I had known it was going toSo I will be on track tomorrow . Hope everything goes more smoothly then . Talk tomorrow . Honey Hey ! Welcome back ! Today was a rainy Wednesday . It was really a nice fall day . After work , I ran a few errands . Daughter # 3 wanted me to come by her work , and I did . I got a set of Bob books to teach GrandBoy to read . I have a few , but not the whole set , in the box . I was glad to find that . I also got a book titled " Gathering Manna - Finding God 's Grace in Life 's Wilderness " by Sue Fallin . This book is about Sue Fallin , and how she overcame and was healed of several diseases using her faith . I was interested in the book , and dropped it in my cart . While I was standing in line , I realized while flipping through the book , that it took place in the next large city to where we live . That made it even more interesting . I got home about 4 : 00 , and since then , I 've read about half the book . I always said I was going to be a writer when I retire . I better give that some thought . I also got the book " The Red Tent " that I have read a lot about . I went by the post offices to pick up rent . We just had one envelope containing $ 150 . Not one of my best days . Then I ran by the daycare to pick up GrandBoy . I haven 't been to the daycare in about 3 weeks , and he was so excited to see me there . We stopped by the trailer where they will be moving . Pappy was working there today and tomorrow . We had a nice visit , and got home in time to get ready for church . This weekend I have a large list of produce to process . I have cayenne pepper to make pepper sauce with . I think I will also string some up to dry . I have to can the last of the tomatoes . I want to freeze the bell peppers . I need to can apples . I 'm thinking about doing pie filling . And I have a cabbage to put in the freezer . I can 't decide if I want to pick the cactus pears this year . Last year I juiced them , but I haven 't done anything with the juice yet . Maybe I should try some . I did it because the cactus pears are suppose to make the prettiest red jelly for Christmas . Well , that about covers it for today around here . Hope to see you tomorrow . Honey Today is Tuesday . It has been raining here , which is always a blessing . My car is in the shop , so I am driving an extra car we have . It seems my car is going to be very expensive to fix , maybe $ 1 , 000 . I 'm praying that is not the case . I told my husband to take all the sheep to the sale , and we would just have to postpone Christmas ! He told me not to worry about it , it would all work out . So I have been praying about it . Guess what ! I just got back from picking up my car ! And it was only $ 166 . I am so happy , and so thankful . It only needed a water pump . My car has only had two cylinders for a few months . The garage we used to go to was going to fix it , but they went out of business . When the new mechanic found this out , he thought the car had a cracked head . So I need to plan to have this fixed , but all that had to be done today was the water pump . What a wonderful day ! Pappy is at the trailer again . The appliances were delivered yesterday . Still a lot to do though . It is coming together . Our daughter seems so excited . More like herself . I hope it does her good being back near home and her family . Maybe she will remember who she is , and who she needs to be . Our electric bill dropped by half this month ! Last month it was over $ 400 . This month It was $ 240 , I believe . That is great . I was looking forward to having a cold winter here like last year . We actually had snow a few times . But we never have winters like that two years in a row in the South . The Farmer 's Almanac says we will have a mild , wet winter . Wet will be good , since it has been so dry here . And I guess mild will be good for our budget ! One good thing about winters in the South , they don 't last long . Well , I think I need to go cook supper . We are going to have breakfast . Eggs , sausage , and biscuits . Maybe some sliced tomatoes . Talk to you tomorrow . Honey i ! I 'm so glad to be able to talk to you tod y . I tried to yesterday , but my page wouldn 't load , and I thought I might not ever see you aga n . It was still messed up this morning , but sometime during the day it fixed itse f . I 'm so gl Yesterday I made wine . I usually follow the Welch 's Grape Juice Wine recipe . But I change it a little because we are using our own fresh squeezed grape juice instead of frozen concentrate . We had four gallons of juice , which made 5 and a half gallons of wine . I start with one gallon of grape juice . I pour about half the gallon into a separate container . I put 4 cups of sugar and 1 / 2 tsp of yeast into a bowl . I add about a cup of warm water . Just enough to dissolve the sugar and yeast . I add this sugar mix back to the grape in the gallon jug . I stir , then add some of the extra grape juice to finish filling the jug . I leave about 1 - 2 inches empty . To finish , I put a balloon on the neck of the bottle . I numbered the balloons in the order I bottled them . Inabout an hour , the balloons will start to inflate as the yeast starts the brewing process . The wine bottles will sit in a cool place for 6 - 8 weeks . I will check them daily . Sometimes the balloon blows off , and I have to put a new one on , and hope I found it in time ! One day after about 6 weeks , we will go in and the balloon will be deflated . When that happens , the wine is ready ! Then we will re - bottle it , or just put the cap on the jug . You can drink it at that point , or it will continue to age and get better the longer you leave it . This is the fourth year I have made wine . Last year Pappy was bored because he had just retired . He experimented with several types of juices . Every one 's favorite wine that year was blackberry ! But , we didn 't get to have any cobblers or pies because he stole all my fruit out of the freezer ! Some people use a rubber glove instead of balloons , on top of their jugs . That is a comical sight ! Here are a few of the jugs on day 2 . Notice how the balloons are inflated ? Last night was the Bible in 90 Days Congrats Twitter Party ! Saturday was day 90 . So many were able to finish the Bible ( some for the first time ) and we celebrated that last night . I have read the Bible though three times previously . I am not finished yet this time . I got a little too distracted with life , I guess . But I am starting John , and I think I will be finished in about a week . Hi a l ! Hope you all had a peaceful weeke d . Ours was ni e . I am going to cheat and cover Saturday and Sunday with one post , so that I will be caught p . I hope no one min s ! Saturday I got up about 8 : 0 . I piddled around with the computer and made coff e . About 10 , I went to the post offices to check for rent and cow checks and the bank to make a depos t . Pappy wanted to me look to see if his cow sale check was here , because there will be no mail Mond y . He got it and we were very pleas d ! We got $ 1 , 400 for our bull , like I said yesterd y . But the two calves we took also got $ 1 , 2 0 . That was a dollar a pou d ! That was really go d . Next month , I 'm going to sell a bunch of she p . I do that every year to pay for our Christm s . It was half price day at the thrift store , so I stopped by there , too , of cour e . I had a shirt for Pappy to take back for credit because it was the wrong si e . I traded it for a deer feed r . This is a stainless steel box with a door that can be pushed op n . The animal can feed at wi l . It was marked $ 6 . 50 , and the shirt I took back was $ 5 . 50 , so they said we 'd do an even tra e . I got a couple of other things , but for the life of me , I can 't remember wh t . No idea at the mome t . Oh , we l . Pappy liked the feed After the thrift sale , I stopped at a yard sale , in a doctor 's office parking lot . The ladies all wore dresses , and I 've been wearing skirts for about a year , so I picked up some clothes for me . About the time I got home , Daughter # 3 called and was ready to drop off GrandBoy for the weekend . She brought him over , and talked to her Dad about what she needed to work on at the trailer tomorrow . She went over to drop off some appliances and paint the cabinets . She hopes to move in the first of the month . Yesterday was Pappy 's 2nd annual retirement party . Statistics say that police officers usually only live about five years after they retire . Pappy has been retired a year October 1 . He says he is having a party every year the first five years , to break the curse ! Everyone had a great time . GrandBoy thinks anywhere there are men , he is suppose to be there too . So he was at the party , too . This morning we went to church . Daughter # 1 took GrandBoy with her to Sunday school , and I went for services . I have fibroid tumors in my uterus . I look pregnant , and strangers ask when I am due . When I start my period , the first day is a killer . I say that I only have one bad day a month . My husband says that my bad days are rolling around more often than they used to . So anyway , today was a bad day for me , pain wise . But I can tell it is easing now , and tomorrow will be OK . The only cure , per the doctors , is a hysterectomy . Because of the size of my uterus and the number of tumors , I would be in the hospital for about five days for major surgery , and I would not be able to drive for 6 - 8 weeks . I just don 't feel like I can do all that right now . We are very busy people , and I take care of my grandson a lot . Maybe in a year or two , when he doesn 't need to be held or chased down , I will feel able to do the surgery . But right now , I don 't feel I can devote the time and energy to it . Also , I am self - employed , so if I don 't work , I don 't get paid . That is another reason . I 've been like this two years . I was doing really well with taking some supplements and following an organic diet to control the growth of the tumors , and I lost a lot of weight in the process . But when we had a tornado here in April , we were without electricity for a week , and I got off my schedule . I have not really gotten back on it . So I need to make an effort to do that and be healthier . The tumors had shrank and I was doing well . Now they are growing again , and so am I . Sorry to go off on a rabbit trail . I don 't know what possessed me to go into all that . EarlSaturday was day 90 of Bible in 90 Days . I am half way through Luke . So I will be finished in a week or sooner , but I didn 't make the 90 days this time . This will be the 4th time I 've read the Bible through . I 'm so happy for all the ones who were able to finish . It is a wonderful program and very encouraging if you decide to try it in the spring . So that was our weekend . It was warm here , and a little cool at night . The trees are beginning to turn and lose their leaves . And the deer hunters are driving along our property lines to the woods behind us looking for their next buck . Hi friends ! I can call friends , can 't I ? Well , some of you may have noticed there was not a post on day 7 . That is because I had car trouble , and a lot of other things . But I am going to post Day 7 and Day 8 today , so don 't tell the 31 Day people , OK ? Yesterday was Friday . I worked from 8 until 12 , like usual . I told the man that I contract for about my plans to be off Monday . He said that was fine , but he wouldn 't be in Tuesday . He has to take his sister to the hospital to have a procedure . Since we won 't work together or talk for 4 days , I told him I would come Monday . I , as a rule , don 't work bank and postal holidays . Monday is Columbus Day . But I will go in , get the messages and deposits ready for Tuesday . And maybe if we are slow like we probably will be , I 'll leave early . So much for my house cleaning . Since there will be no reason to go the PO boxes and banks , I can start on my house at 1 : 00 . That will be the new plan . I need a house helper . A maid . Does anyone have a daughter that would like to be an apprentice ? She can board . Let me know if you know someone . I 'm trying to tell Pappy we need to find a couple to move on the farm and help out . I have not had any luck convincing him . When I got off work , I had to meet Pappy at the bank to sign his paper work that I signed yesterday when he was at the cow sale . I was having trouble with my car overheating on the way to the bank . Pappy put water in my car Monday , and it needed water again . So we decided that I should take it to the shop . Daughter # 1 was coming to meet me to go shopping so we left my car at the bank to cool off . Pappy filled it with water . He was prepared with a five gallon can of water on the truck . I guess farmers are a lot like boy scouts . Or maybe retired cops are . Daughter # 1 said she had to eat lunch , so we stopped at the Jacks . She told me to call Pappy and see if he wanted to eat , too . He stopped by , and we had lunch . Then Daughter # 1 and I went to the final 50 % off days of Kids Market . Kids Market is a local consignment sale . I may have told you that GrandBoy doesn 't seem to have many clothes . His mom sells them at the end of the season . I know this because two years in a row I have bought him clothes and when the season returns , he has nothing to wear and he has not grown much . He just turned three and still can wear some 2s , and he can wear 3s . So this would have been the same clothes he wore at the end of last winter . He has jeans and church clothes at my house , but I can 't find many sweat pants . I like him to wear those outside on the farm , so he doesn 't mess up his jeans or rip them . At Kids Market I got 28 " pieces " for 30 dollars . Two toys , a pair of rain boots , a pair of crocks for the spring ( boys can wear teal , can 't they ? ) , 6 pair of underwear , a " Cars " sandwich box and water bottle set , a John Deere toboggan , a camo hat , eight pairs of sweat pants , a red turtleneck , a Christmas sweater vest for church , and four " Cars " shirts . He loves the movie " Cars " . I was pleased , and now he is set for winter . I already bought some clothes and sent those to his Mom 's . So he is now ready at both places . Next we went to a store called " Dirt Cheap " . This is a consolidation type store . It was confusing to me . My daughters love it , and my tenants shop there , but I know I won 't go back by myself . You have to look at charts to figure out the price , and there are discount signs on each shelf . How do I know someone didn 't just set the item down on the wrong shelf ? Any way , I spent $ 40 there . Got Pappy a air compressor for the truck that runs off the cigarette lighter . I get more flat tires than anyone in the world . Probably should put it in my car . I got some fall decorations . A couple of towels with appliqued pumpkins , fake pumpkins and gourds , Some expensive fall paper plates for desert on Thanksgiving , some Thanksgiving cards to mail to the Texas family , and I don 't know what else . Daughter # 1 bought some clothes . Since Daughter # 1 works nights she was getting tired , so we didn 't make it to Aldis as I had planned . We went home . We couldn 't find the garage , so Pappy followed me back there to drop off my car . I think it may be a hose leaking . We will see . Pappy 's niece had a baby yesterday ! It is her second girl , and they named the beautiful princess , Amelia ! She has a big sister waiting at home . I was going to post a photo , but we are having cell phone tower issues in North Alabama , and I can 't send the photo from my phone to my email this morning . Maybe next time . Hi friends ! Today was Thursday . Last night GrandBoy and I went to church . He slept in his own bed , and he was so proud ! This morning I went to work , and GrandBoy and Pappy went to the cow sale . I think it was quite a day . GrandBoy wanted to stay out on the catwalk where you can see all the cows below . But Pappy couldn 't bid on the cows out there . Grand Boy didn 't want to go inside the arena , because he knew they would be sitting , and that 's not fun for a three year old boy . Pappy took two calves and a bull to the sale . Our bull went for $ 1 , 400 ! That was a great surprise ! We were both very pleased . Guess what ! I have always wanted a milk cow . But they cost a lot of money , like $ 1 , 000 . And if I ever find dairy calves for sale , they are always bull calves . So today Pappy came home from the sale with a Holstein ! She is six months bred , and he got her for about $ 600 for the pair . That is amazing . He will take the cow and calf back to the sale after the calf is born and make money off the transaction . He told me if the calf is a female I can keep her for a milk cow ! We 'll see how this goes , and I will keep you posted . He also bought another bred cow . AND he brought me a " present " . A box of apples ! He hadn 't seen a need to try to buy any apples when I brought it up last week . But when someone was selling them at the cow sale , he bought me a box because he thought of me ! He 's so good to me . Daughter # 3 is so excited about moving to our place that we are setting up . She asks me several times a day if we have done this , this , this . It is just the 6th day of the month . She will come over Sunday and help her Dad there , and paint the cabinets . Today while Pappy was at the cow sale , I had to go to the bank to sign some paperwork . While I was there , I got a call . I had forgotten that I had an appointment with an insurance agent to give me a quote on the farm policy . It is hard to find an insurance company here to insure farms . So I told him I could be there in 30 minutes . I met him at the farm and showed him around . He will email me some questions , and hopefully we will get a better price . Next on the errand list , I went to the post office boxes to pick up the mail , then to the bank to deposit rent . I met a couple of tenants to get their rent in cash . Pappy called , and I met him to get GrandBoy . Then I waited about an hour to meet someone to pick GrandBoy up . While we waited , we went back to the thrift store , where I got two skirts . That 's about the only place to go and wait in our small community that doesn 't involve McDonalds and a play place . I refuse to take GrandBoy to McDonalds . So we browsed the thrift store for about 30 minutes while we waited . I got the cutest book of blessings . It is a child 's book , and it was published in the 40 's . It is in mint condition and the illustrations are beautiful . Tonight I was showing Daughter # 1 some catelogs that came in the mail . I had looked through them and marked several outfits I would like to duplicate . I don 't get catalogs like that , and I was surprised they came . I enjoyed looking through them , and showed them to my daughter . She liked them too . I told her to look and see if they came to her by chance . She looked , and laughed . They weren 't hers , and they weren 't mine . They came to the wrong address ! Oh , my . Someone didn 't get their catalogs . But we enjoyed them , and I ordered them so we will get a set next time . Daughter # 2 asked me to meet her today for lunch . She wanted to me pray with her . Her relationship is ending , and she seems to be taking it hard . She said she has been praying for two days and doesn 't feel her prayers are doing any good or that God is hearing her . I told her not to pray that things would work out with that man . Pray that God will show her where He wants her to be , the path He wants her to follow , and the man He has chosen for her . I did pray for her . She was afraid her Dad and I would be disappointed about this break up . She has made a lot of progress in the last six months since she returned home . The man she was seeing is successful , but that doesn 't mean that he is the one God has chosen for her . I hope that she doesn 't stumble through this , and that she continues to go forward in her progress . I hope she is still , and feels God 's hand on her life . I 'm praying for her . God has great plans for her , I 'm sure . Daughter # 1 is worried about her classes . She is afraid her grades aren 't as high as she would like and that she might not get into nursing school . I 'm praying for her , too . I know that she will be successful , no matter what happens . I noticed today that I need to pick the tomatoes . I am planning to be off Monday in observance of Columbus Day . I hope I will get a lot of things done at home . Locally , today we got our first Aldi 's Grocery Store . I have wished for one here for a couple of years , and can 't wait to go visit tomorrow . My sister went today . Most of you probably know that you have to have a quarter to get a cart . My sister didn 't have a quarter , so she carried things around the store in her arms . Pumpkins were $ 1 . 99 each . She got three . I guess she kicked those around the store , or something ! She checked out three times , went to her car , and came back in for more . The last time one man asked if he would see her again tonight ! She answered she thought she was done ! You also have to pay for bags , and she didn 't bring her recycleables , so she carried items to the car herself . Milk was $ 1 . 99 , and eggs . 49 a dozen . I 'm pretty excited to try this store out . Bananas were 28 cents a pound ! The bad bananas here that I buy are about 33 cents a pound . This will be great , I think . One of our peacocks are dead . The young female . Pappy thinks one of the turkeys may be sick , too . I hope it doesn 't die . I 'm afraid that the farmers around us ( we are in the middle of 100 acres of crops . Most years it is cotton , but this year it is soy beans ) may have sprayed the crops again . The soybeans are turning yellow , but I 'm not sure if they die off like cotton does . They spray cotton so the foliage dies , then they pick the cotton . One year when they sprayed the fields we lost a sheep . When we tried to figure out what happened , we noticed the sheeps ' water was purple ! And we remembered the plane going over the day before . So we dumped their water out , and no other animals died . I hope that is not the case this time . Well , I guess I should let you go . Can you tell I don 't have many lady friends ? I 'm a busy , professional woman , and I think this is a problem for a lot of professional women . Maybe all women . Or maybe it 's just me . But anyway , its nice to talk to all of you . Hope your evening is blessed ! Honey Today in North Alabama , the temperatures were in the 80 's . Very nice if you need to be outside . Our day started at 6 : 00 , as usual . I sat down in chair in ouroffice , and the phone rang . Daughter # 3 was on the phone , and was going to drop GrandBoy off at the road , if I would meet her there . Our driveway is a half mile long . No exaggeration ! So I met her at the mailbox , and picked up our boy . When I got back to the house , the rest of the household was up , wondering where I had gone in my pajamas . But they soon knew because GrandBoy let them know he was home as soon as he came through the door ! Daughter # 1 watched him since it was her day off . She also went grocery shopping and worked on party food for her Dad 's party . This morning Pappy dropped off his trailer so the " barn dismantlers " could fill it with old hay . Last night , the head guy helped Pappy load all the metal onto another trailer , and Pappy and GrandBoy unloaded it this afternoon . GrandBoy would lift the corner of the next sheet , and hold it like that until Pappy came back from moving the previous sheet of metal . GrandBoy was helping . As he would say , he was " working " ! This is a sheet of the metal we purchased . The barn was over 100 years old , with hand - carved oak beams and hand made nails . We saved a couple of nails . Pappy may buy some of the beams , when the guy decides how much he wants for them . Pappy wants me to look up the metal we bought and see if it is 100 years old . We will see . Pappy went to Tennessee today and worked on one of the pastures we rent . He sprayed the fence line and ditches . He also checked all the fencing . You have to have good fencing if you are going to keep cows . The mobile home movers finally got finished . They called me at 10 and wanted to get paid . I told them I could meet them after 12 , when I got off . They wanted to come to my office . I said " no " . We waited two days for them to get started . They can wait 2 hours for me to get off . When I got through going to the post offices and bank , I went by the house to pick up GrandBoy . He and I went to the local elementary school where GrandBoy will go in the fall . They have three year old preschool there . GrandBoy could have gone this year , but his birthday is 2 weeks late . He will definitely go in the fall . The Preschool program is new here , and not available at each school . So I wanted to make sure this program wasn 't income based , and what the requirements were to attend . The program is for any three year old who lives in the district . So GrandBoy will definitely be going ! He was excited when he saw the playground . Then we went to the local thrift store to return a vacuum cleaner I bought Saturday . It didn 't work , and I had 5 days to return it . We looked around and picked up a few items . GrandBoy wanted to look at the toys . So that was the first stop . We bought a bull dozier to play with in the sand box for 50 cents . GrandBoy got a shirt , and Pappy got 2 . I got a book ( but don 't tell Pappy . I told him I was trying not to buy any more books . This made him very happy . ) . I also got a Home Interiors Christmas picture that is framed . Next stop was to Daughter # 3 's work . This is GrandBoy 's mom . She works at a thrift store in the next big town to where we live . I was carrying her some items that were at our house that she needed . And while we were there , she asked me to pick up a few items for her . She can 't shop on a day she works . She got some Christmas place mats . I got some leg warmers to wear under my skirts , and some new Puma socks . I also got Bubble bath . I love bubble bath . I also got a rug for the bathroom , and a woven piece that I would like to make a rug out of . We will see . For dinner , I made hash out of the pork roast I cooked the other day . I started by frying potatoes . I love fried potatoes , but don 't eat them often . I added onions , green bell peppers , and a tomato that needed to be eaten . When those veggies were cooked , I cut up the roast and let it heat through . I added my favorite Soul Food Seasoning . It was delicious . Oh , I forgot to tell you . Remember the guy who is in charge of barn demolition ? After I left yesterday , he told Pappy that he remembered where he knew me from . Pappy said , " Well , where do you know her from ? " He said his brother used to rent from me . And then he said , " And you know , she used to be married to a cop " . I was appalled that he thought I was divorced ! But Pappy thought it was funny . He told the guy , " No , man , I am that cop " . See Pappy has not cut his hair in the year he 's been retired , so it is getting pretty long . I guess he didn 't look like a cop to that guy . I guess it was pretty funny . As long as I 'm not divorced . Honey Posted by Hi ! Welcome to our farm . We are so glad to see you ! Today the movers got our trailer moved to the lot down the road . I don 't guess they are finished setting it up , because they didn 't call to get paid . Daughter # 3 and her son , GrandBoy , are going to live there . She is getting excited . She texted me and wanted to know if the trailer had arrived . She wanted to know if she could have the utilities transferred ( No , there is no service there yet ) and did we find a stove yet , because they will need one ( No , when have we had time ? ? ? ) . Hope the movers will get everything finished tomorrow . As I was driving down the road to the post office , I noticed a hand - made sign on the side of the road that said , " wood and ten for sale " . The " ten " was really barn metal . They were dismantling a barn and selling the pieces . I called Pappy to see if he wanted to go by and check out the metal . He told me to go back and find out how much they wanted for it . So I turned around and went back . They said the pieces were 14 ft and 11 ft . They had probably 40 pieces , and wanted $ 2 a piece , no matter which size . I left and finished running errands . I called Pappy and told him the price . He told me to go pay the guy for all of it . I went back and started to pay , but since they could see I was willing to pay , they came up with 75 pieces , and a few they would take $ 1 for . I called Pappy , and told him he should come over and look at it . So he came by and worked out a few deals with the guy . He got all the metal for $ 160 . And he is going to take a trailer over tomorrow , and as they tear down the barn , they are going to throw old hay bales into the trailer . Pappy is going to use them for seeding a pasture . Busy , Busy . When I got to the farm , I hung out some more loads of towels . I got ready to start dinner . I worked in the outdoor kitchen where Pappy 's retirement 2 party will be held Saturday . We have a lot of items brought home from empty rentals that were being stored in there until they could be sorted through . Of course , Pappy wants them gone before his party ! So that is how our day we t . Pappy 's help didn 't show up , so he had to do the bush hogging , and clean up the empty trailer lot , and all the other things he needed help for , by himse f . He is pretty sore and tired tonig t . Well , I still need to send a couple of emails before b d . See you tomorr w . Ho Hi ! Welcome back ! Today was not a real " farmy " day . Hope I don 't disappoint you ! I woke up , and it was COLD here ! 36 degrees . That is cold in Alabama in October . I was not expecting it . I panicked and thought I would have to clean out the garden and move my plants inside this week . But the weather is only suppose to be in the 40s at night the rest of the week , so that can wait . The first night the news calls for a " freeze " - temps at 32 or below , we are very busy . We move the doves into the greenhouse . I pick any blooming flowers and bring them inside . I can 't bear for them to go to waste . I go through the garden one last time , and gather the last of the vegetables . All the peppers get picked , no matter how small . Any stray beans , cucumbers , etc . We pick all the green tomatoes and sit them out to " turn " . The will eventually ripen and turn red . It just takes time . I was glad not to have to face that this week . I began the day by getting Pappy and Daughter # 2 up . Usually I 'm the only one up , but we were suppose to move a mobile home today , so that was why Pappy needed up . Daughter # 2 was up because her college classes began again today for the fall semester . So everyone was trying to get ready at the same time , and it was a little rushed . I went to work till 12 noon , like usual . The mobile home mover had not called as he said he would , so I called him . He said they were just finishing the home that was suppose to have been finished Saturday . He said they would arrive shortly , work for two hours , and move the trailer in the morning . Another day . So Pappy and his helper went up to our trailer park to work on some projects . I went to both PO Boxes . No rent at all . I had an appointment to pick up some rent at a mobile home occupied by a Hispanic gentleman . I helped him to get a mortgage to purchase the home and land , and we took a second mortgage for his down payment . So he still pays me some each month . I went by to pick up his payment . No one was there . A fat puppy as wandering around the yard , and all the chickens were lose . The door was unlocked . No cars in the yard . Very strange . Alabama just passed a new immigration law . Rumor is that Hispanics are leaving the area in droves . I have four Hispanic families . I 'm not aware of any of mine leaving . But I began to wonder as I waited to see if anyone would come home so I could collect . I told myself I would wait till 6 : 30 . At about 6 : 15 , a young man pulled up in a car . He didn 't speak much English . He paid half the payment . No one has ever paid except my client , so I don 't know . I 'll go back in a few days , and see if I can find Jorge and collect the rest of our money . When I got back to the farm . I started some laundry and cleaned the bathroom . I thought about dinner , but waited to do anything . I planned yesterday to have a pork roast for dinner . But I didn 't know that husband has a meeting tonight , and Daughter # 1 will be in bed because of the shift she works this week , and Daughter # 2 will be at her boyfriend 's house . So I will eat pork roast alone . No reason to cook accompaniments , I 'll just have fruit , chips , and bread . Alone . I picked some tomatoes from the last of our garden . I check for eggs , but didn 't find any . Our hens have taken a break , I guess . I did find a large rat with a long tail , running along the edge of the roof , in the hen house . Have to tell Pappy about that . I made an appointment with a new insurance company to come out Thursday evening to give us a quote on a farm policy . There are not many companies who will write farms here . So I would like to get an idea if this one has better coverage , and a cheaper price . Usually , if your cars are there , you get a break , and this is where our auto insurance is . The Cattle men 's Association sent out an email about them , and I jumped right on checking them out . Last night Pappy asked me to price raspberries and see if we could order some for fall planting . We have already ordered blackberries . He wants to sell them next year . So I will do that in a minute . I 'm trying to finish up the Bible in 90 Days program . Saturday is day 90 , and I am on day 72 . I have a lot of reading to do if I am going to finish on time . I have read the Bible through before , in this program a few times , and in a yearly program . I hope I finish on time . We 'll see . Pappy finished juicing the grape for wine . I 've never made the grape juice to can for drinking , that I 'd planned to try this year . I always wash and throw my grapes in a bag , and put them in the freezer . When they are all ripe and ready , I do them all at one time . Well , the frozen grapes didn 't look like they would work well for my juice recipe , so I decided to put that off till next year , when I have fresh ones that haven 't been frozen . All the grapes this season will go to wine making . We got three gallons of grape juice today , and I will start the wine process later in the week . I 've already bought the sugar . It takes a lot of sugar to make wine . Hi ! Welcome to day 2 of 31 Days of My Real Farm Life . I 'm so glad you stopped by . We started the day by going to church . GrandBoy spent the night so he could go to church with us . He spends every Saturday and Wednesday night here on the farm . GrandBoy stayed in his bed all night by himself ! I guess three year olds do that ! I got GrandBoy ready to go , then I realized we were already late . Good thing the church is only a mile away ! So I went to get dressed . While I was gone , GrandBoy decided to change his shoes , and other things . I got him ready again , and we left . When we got to the church , I took GrandBoy to his class . It is now 20 after ten , and class started at 10 . The teacher said , " I see you are late today ! " I said , " He 's having a bad day today " . I guess we will work on getting ready earlier next week , and I guess I will get ready first ! So after church , I took home some children who needed a ride . GrandBoy rode home with Daughter # 1 , so he could spend some time outside with Pappy , before he had to go back to his Mom 's house . When I got home , he and Pappy were juicing the grapes ! GrandBoy couldn 't wait to show me that he could do it himself ! The juice you see above is for wine . The juice I 'm going to can is for grape juice . The grapes that I need are still thawing out from the freezer . So I may not get that part done till tomorrow . I took GrandBoy to meet his Mom , and I picked up some rent while I was out . The rent is slow getting started this month . This is the first one I 've collected for October , I believe . When I got home , I got some meat out of the freezer for today and tomorrow . Pappy went to bush hog a pasture we lease for cattle in Tennessee . I 'm sorry , but I 'm not running up there to take photos today . You 'll just have to imagine that part of our farm day . I planned to have pork roast tomorrow fixed in the crock pot . We just picked up a whole hog at the processor last week . We will be busy moving a trailer tomorrow , so that will be good to have dinner made when we get home . Tonight we are having hamburger casserole . I don 't know when pappy will be home from bush hogging , so this can wait a while . I fed the chickens this afternoon . We give them feed , of course , every day . But each Saturday , I try to clean out all the left over bread heals , stale chips , and anything in the fridge that needs to go . I just dump it all in a large pan , then give it to the chickens . Produce can go in there , too . Some people are picky about what they feed their chickens , but I give mine just about anything . So I don 't feel so bad if something goes bad , because I 'm not going to through it out . Not much goes to waste on the Farm . So now , here I am . I just talked to the trailer moving company , and they will be running late tomorrow . I guess I will wrap up today here , and start planning our wee k . I have to plan my calendar , find out where everyone will be , and get a menu together . On October 1 , Pappy was retired one year ! So Saturday he is having a " gathering " of police officer friends . Most police officers don 't live five years after they retire , so he plans to have a party every year for the first five years ! That requires some planning this week as well . Hi ! A few days ago , I saw on The Modest Mom Blog , where she was going to link to a series for 31 Days . She is going to talk about femininity . That was a few days ago , so I still had time to think about it . I thought that would be a good thing for me to try , to commit to posting on a single topic for 31 days . I had forgotten , but I also knew about two months ago , that another blog I follow , MOD , was also going to participate . This morning when I got up , I saw on twitter the buzz about " 31 Days " . It took me a moment to remember what exactly that was . Then I realized it was October . End of the months , and First of the months are busy for me . I am a property manager and real estate investor with my husband . We also have a farm . At the end of the month , I am trying to make sure all the rent is collected , and any evictions that have not paid are forwarded to my attorney . The first of the month , I am trying to shove rent money in the bank as fast as I can gather it up . We have mortgages to pay , you know ! So somehow I forgot that it is October now . I guess because it is Saturday , and I didn 't have to think so fast today . When I noticed all the talk about 31 Days , I went over and looked at the links . I tried to think of what topic I would write about if I were going to participate . I really need to work for 31 days on " putting my husband first " or " letting my adult children go " or something like that . My husband would say I need to working on " keeping a cleaner house " . I am not a computer geek . When I tried to link to the host site the first time , my button process didn 't work very smoothly . No photos popped up , so I chose a photo of our farm sign . I thought a template would come up , because most of the buttons looked the same . I never saw that . Somehow my first button didn 't work because the address was wrong . So I made a second one , using my real blog button . Since my button says " My Real Farm Life " I guess that narrows down what I will write about . Life on our farm . For thirty - one days , I will tell you what we do each I hope you all stop by and keep me accountable on this new journey for me . I hope to see you back here tomorrow ! Today on the farm , we will be making grape juice to can , and moving cows . I 'll write more about that later . I just wanted to post something quickly in case you stopped by . I hope you stop by ! Honey This is a photo from our farm . Our pole barn is on the left , and the Club House , as my husband calls it , is on the right . That is where we have parties , and I do some of my canning . Honey and Pappy moved to a farm . Although neither had ever lived on a farm before , they started living the farm life . This is the day to day time consuming activities involved in living on a farm . Even city folk can do it if they try ! |
The story of life on a real farm , being lived by people who are new to farming ! We are a family : husband and wife , three daughters , and one grandson . We have a herd of beef cattle , and a lot of other farm animals thrown in . We grow and put up most of our own food . We are simple living people , giving God the Glory . We 'd love you to stop by and meet us ! Each day is different , and there is never a dull moment on the Farm ! Hello friends ! My Internet and computer are now working again , and I am back ! But I will start again for real tomorrow . I was getting ready to fill you in on all the news , when my daughter called and told me they had been robbed , and she and the baby are on their way to stay the night . So I am cleaning out his room so you can walk in there , and making the bed . I 'll see you all tomorrow . Happy Halloween ! Honey h friends . Our computer got spyware . In the process of removing it , the electricity went off . When it came back on , the computer would not load . I have to get a friend to come look at it . I 'm updating this for you on my Blackberry . 2 inch screen . If you don 't see me for a few days , you 'll know why . I will miss you . I think the devil is behind this . Hope to see you soon honeyi Today is the day Fall decided to arrive in North Alabama . Pappy and I moved my plants inside , including two budding Christmas cactuses that will bloom next month . We picked the garden , moved the baby animals , put lights on the birds , and all sorts of chores like that . I thought I would share the last of the blooming flowers with you before the frost gets them . That is one thing about living in the South . You never know what the weather will be like . Monday GrandBoy was taking a nap on a pallet under a tree outside , without his shirt . Tonight it will freeze , and tomorrow 's temperatures will not get out of the 50 's . This rose we gave to Daughter # 3 when her son was born . At the time , they lived with us . It blooms all summer long . GrandBoy 's lonely tire horse swing Well , I made it through dental surgery . I went yesterday at 1 : 00 pm to have my tooth pulled . It took an hour to get the tooth out . That must be unusual , because they said it never takes that long to pull a tooth . This tooth should have had one root , and it had three . So I guess it was somewhat of a big deal . I kept ice on my face religiously to keep the swelling down . This morning when i got up , my eyes were almost swelled shut , and my mouth drooped on the side the tooth was pulled . I hope this isn 't permanent ! Other that a soreness , from the pressure of pulling on my jaw for an hour , I really don 't have pain . I 'm afraid I may start to bruise tomorrow , but we will see . I 'm glad the tooth is out . I had a hair appointment today , but I cancelled it . I had to stay home from work today because I didn 't think I should drive since I had been on pain medication the day before . I went back to bed and slept till 10 : 30 . Tomorrow I will resume my normal life . I really didn 't need to lose two days of business , but that happens sometimes . The neighbors brought over 3 grocery bags of turnip greens , and a bag of cayenne pepper . I put the pepper in two baskets until I can do something with it . The greens went into the refrigerator outside until I can process them for the freezer . So there really wasn 't much going on at the farm today . It stormed here tonight , and we really needed the rain . Pappy worked at daughter 's trailer today , and bush hogged one of the pastures this evening . So tomorrow everything will be back to normal tomorrow . See you then . Honey Hello Friends ! Happy Sunday . I hope you had a wonderful , restful day with your family . A few days ago , I broke a tooth . This tooth had actually been cracked for about four years . Pieces had broken off twice since then . But this time the tooth broke horizontally on the front . It is broken off almost gum line , and I am afraid it will start hurting , if I don 't get to the dentist quick ! The first appointment I could get is for tomorrow ( Monday ) at 1 : 00 . So far , the tooth area is tender , but not in killer pain . So I am happy about that . We may get our first freezing weather this week . It will get to 35 or so mid week , so Pappy and I are keeping an eye on the situation . If it does look like it will get to freezing , we have to do things in advance like move the doves to the green house , get all the house plants moved indoors , pick the garden one last time , and cut all the blooming flowers . Some things I can cover with a sheet , like the mums . I went ahead and picked all the tomatoes today . I also picked that majority of the peppers , but left the small ones a little longer . I picked the last of the beans , too . I read this week that Fall is the country 's favorite season . Well , it isn 't mine . I think Fall is depressing . Fall means that we are one step away from winter , and I hate to be cold . It also means that year end is almost here , and I need to hurry up and finish all the things I need to have done before the year ends . I 'm a procrastinator , so there are always things I need to get done . Pappy is one of the people who love Fall though . I separate the greens tomatoes from the red ones . The red ones I will can . I start out by washing them and then dipping them in boiling water . The skin will split , and then you take them out and place them in cold water to chill . Once cooled you can pull the peels off comfortably . I will fill a jar with the skinned tomatoes . Finish filling the jar with boiling water , add salt and lemon juice , and seal the jar with a hot flat and canning ring . When all jars are ready , process at the specified time . I use these tomatoes in tacos , spaghetti , soup , chili , anywhere and everywhere you would use canned tomatoes . Some people also use them in garden salads , during the winter . I haven 't tried that , but plan to this year . Each year I place my green tomatoes in this contraption to turn red and ripen . And they do all turn red eventually . I 'm not sure what this is , because someone left it in one of our rental properties . There are four spaces in it when fully extended . I have all but one clipped together because I don 't have that many tomatoes this year . Some years the whole thing is full . If anyone knows what this item is really used for , please let me know . Pappy thinks it is a pie cooling rack . Personally , I wouldn 't want my pies swinging around in the air , but maybe others feel differently . Our neighbor just called us to see if we wanted to pick turnip greens tonight before the weather turns . I told him that I would call Tuesday , after my dental appointment . I don 't think I will feel like fooling with them tomorrow . Our neighbor also has more hot pepper . That is kinds funny , because I just finished stringing the last of the pepper they brought us a month ago . I did that yesterday while watching the Alabama Game . I think I will make pepper sauce if I get some more this week . I guess that is enough today from he e . I still have to find time this week to can appl s . I wish I had vacation time so I could get paid while doing some things around he e . If I can 't figure out when to can apple slices , I guess I will put the apples in our roaster one night , and make apple sauce to c n . That will cook down on their own without my supervisi n . I also purchased grapes to make grape juice to t y . Just a couple of quar s . I need to do that , t Today was one of those days where all you do all day is put out fires ! Or at least that was the way I felt . I got up at 5 : 00 because GrandBoy couldn 't find his paci . At that time , the house was fine . Since I still had an hour till time to get up , I reset the clock to ring at 6 : 30 , and laid back down with GrandBoy . When i got up at 6 : 30 , I took one step into the bathroom , and knew immediately that the floor was wet . So was the seat ! I thought the toilet had maybe overflowed . Instead , what had happened was that we had a hard rain , and the roof leaked in that bathroom over the toilet . I wiped off the toilet , took the photos of the wall , moved the toilet tissue , and wiped up the floor . I got dressed , got GrandBoy dressed , and woke up Daughter # 2 and Pappy . The time is now 7 : 40 , and I should have left for work 10 minutes ago . I still had not packed a lunch , loaded the car , and those sorts of things . I called into work , and left a message that I would not be able to come today . After things started to open for business , I called our roofer . He said he would work me in , and call back . Two tenants had rent to be collected , so I made appointments for that . I filled up my car , and went to both post offices , but there was no rent at either place . Pappy called to say that the other car was ready to be picked up from the shop . So I made plans to pick it up when Daughter # 3 got home from work . I also picked up milk , and got a few other marked down items , like organic butter , cookie dough , yogurt , bagels , and a deli pizza . I deposited the rent I was able to collect , and went home to meet Daughter # 1 . The roofers came and got started . I told them I had to run pick up a car , and I would be back in about 15 minutes . When I got back the roofers were finishing up . Pappy and GrandBoy pulled up . I paid the roofer , and told Pappy that there was a pizza on the stove for lunch . I ran and got some more rent collected and came back within an hour . After I got home , I took a bite of pizza , and my tooth broke off ! I had known it was going toSo I will be on track tomorrow . Hope everything goes more smoothly then . Talk tomorrow . Honey Hey ! Welcome back ! Today was a rainy Wednesday . It was really a nice fall day . After work , I ran a few errands . Daughter # 3 wanted me to come by her work , and I did . I got a set of Bob books to teach GrandBoy to read . I have a few , but not the whole set , in the box . I was glad to find that . I also got a book titled " Gathering Manna - Finding God 's Grace in Life 's Wilderness " by Sue Fallin . This book is about Sue Fallin , and how she overcame and was healed of several diseases using her faith . I was interested in the book , and dropped it in my cart . While I was standing in line , I realized while flipping through the book , that it took place in the next large city to where we live . That made it even more interesting . I got home about 4 : 00 , and since then , I 've read about half the book . I always said I was going to be a writer when I retire . I better give that some thought . I also got the book " The Red Tent " that I have read a lot about . I went by the post offices to pick up rent . We just had one envelope containing $ 150 . Not one of my best days . Then I ran by the daycare to pick up GrandBoy . I haven 't been to the daycare in about 3 weeks , and he was so excited to see me there . We stopped by the trailer where they will be moving . Pappy was working there today and tomorrow . We had a nice visit , and got home in time to get ready for church . This weekend I have a large list of produce to process . I have cayenne pepper to make pepper sauce with . I think I will also string some up to dry . I have to can the last of the tomatoes . I want to freeze the bell peppers . I need to can apples . I 'm thinking about doing pie filling . And I have a cabbage to put in the freezer . I can 't decide if I want to pick the cactus pears this year . Last year I juiced them , but I haven 't done anything with the juice yet . Maybe I should try some . I did it because the cactus pears are suppose to make the prettiest red jelly for Christmas . Well , that about covers it for today around here . Hope to see you tomorrow . Honey Today is Tuesday . It has been raining here , which is always a blessing . My car is in the shop , so I am driving an extra car we have . It seems my car is going to be very expensive to fix , maybe $ 1 , 000 . I 'm praying that is not the case . I told my husband to take all the sheep to the sale , and we would just have to postpone Christmas ! He told me not to worry about it , it would all work out . So I have been praying about it . Guess what ! I just got back from picking up my car ! And it was only $ 166 . I am so happy , and so thankful . It only needed a water pump . My car has only had two cylinders for a few months . The garage we used to go to was going to fix it , but they went out of business . When the new mechanic found this out , he thought the car had a cracked head . So I need to plan to have this fixed , but all that had to be done today was the water pump . What a wonderful day ! Pappy is at the trailer again . The appliances were delivered yesterday . Still a lot to do though . It is coming together . Our daughter seems so excited . More like herself . I hope it does her good being back near home and her family . Maybe she will remember who she is , and who she needs to be . Our electric bill dropped by half this month ! Last month it was over $ 400 . This month It was $ 240 , I believe . That is great . I was looking forward to having a cold winter here like last year . We actually had snow a few times . But we never have winters like that two years in a row in the South . The Farmer 's Almanac says we will have a mild , wet winter . Wet will be good , since it has been so dry here . And I guess mild will be good for our budget ! One good thing about winters in the South , they don 't last long . Well , I think I need to go cook supper . We are going to have breakfast . Eggs , sausage , and biscuits . Maybe some sliced tomatoes . Talk to you tomorrow . Honey i ! I 'm so glad to be able to talk to you tod y . I tried to yesterday , but my page wouldn 't load , and I thought I might not ever see you aga n . It was still messed up this morning , but sometime during the day it fixed itse f . I 'm so gl Yesterday I made wine . I usually follow the Welch 's Grape Juice Wine recipe . But I change it a little because we are using our own fresh squeezed grape juice instead of frozen concentrate . We had four gallons of juice , which made 5 and a half gallons of wine . I start with one gallon of grape juice . I pour about half the gallon into a separate container . I put 4 cups of sugar and 1 / 2 tsp of yeast into a bowl . I add about a cup of warm water . Just enough to dissolve the sugar and yeast . I add this sugar mix back to the grape in the gallon jug . I stir , then add some of the extra grape juice to finish filling the jug . I leave about 1 - 2 inches empty . To finish , I put a balloon on the neck of the bottle . I numbered the balloons in the order I bottled them . Inabout an hour , the balloons will start to inflate as the yeast starts the brewing process . The wine bottles will sit in a cool place for 6 - 8 weeks . I will check them daily . Sometimes the balloon blows off , and I have to put a new one on , and hope I found it in time ! One day after about 6 weeks , we will go in and the balloon will be deflated . When that happens , the wine is ready ! Then we will re - bottle it , or just put the cap on the jug . You can drink it at that point , or it will continue to age and get better the longer you leave it . This is the fourth year I have made wine . Last year Pappy was bored because he had just retired . He experimented with several types of juices . Every one 's favorite wine that year was blackberry ! But , we didn 't get to have any cobblers or pies because he stole all my fruit out of the freezer ! Some people use a rubber glove instead of balloons , on top of their jugs . That is a comical sight ! Here are a few of the jugs on day 2 . Notice how the balloons are inflated ? Last night was the Bible in 90 Days Congrats Twitter Party ! Saturday was day 90 . So many were able to finish the Bible ( some for the first time ) and we celebrated that last night . I have read the Bible though three times previously . I am not finished yet this time . I got a little too distracted with life , I guess . But I am starting John , and I think I will be finished in about a week . Hi a l ! Hope you all had a peaceful weeke d . Ours was ni e . I am going to cheat and cover Saturday and Sunday with one post , so that I will be caught p . I hope no one min s ! Saturday I got up about 8 : 0 . I piddled around with the computer and made coff e . About 10 , I went to the post offices to check for rent and cow checks and the bank to make a depos t . Pappy wanted to me look to see if his cow sale check was here , because there will be no mail Mond y . He got it and we were very pleas d ! We got $ 1 , 400 for our bull , like I said yesterd y . But the two calves we took also got $ 1 , 2 0 . That was a dollar a pou d ! That was really go d . Next month , I 'm going to sell a bunch of she p . I do that every year to pay for our Christm s . It was half price day at the thrift store , so I stopped by there , too , of cour e . I had a shirt for Pappy to take back for credit because it was the wrong si e . I traded it for a deer feed r . This is a stainless steel box with a door that can be pushed op n . The animal can feed at wi l . It was marked $ 6 . 50 , and the shirt I took back was $ 5 . 50 , so they said we 'd do an even tra e . I got a couple of other things , but for the life of me , I can 't remember wh t . No idea at the mome t . Oh , we l . Pappy liked the feed After the thrift sale , I stopped at a yard sale , in a doctor 's office parking lot . The ladies all wore dresses , and I 've been wearing skirts for about a year , so I picked up some clothes for me . About the time I got home , Daughter # 3 called and was ready to drop off GrandBoy for the weekend . She brought him over , and talked to her Dad about what she needed to work on at the trailer tomorrow . She went over to drop off some appliances and paint the cabinets . She hopes to move in the first of the month . Yesterday was Pappy 's 2nd annual retirement party . Statistics say that police officers usually only live about five years after they retire . Pappy has been retired a year October 1 . He says he is having a party every year the first five years , to break the curse ! Everyone had a great time . GrandBoy thinks anywhere there are men , he is suppose to be there too . So he was at the party , too . This morning we went to church . Daughter # 1 took GrandBoy with her to Sunday school , and I went for services . I have fibroid tumors in my uterus . I look pregnant , and strangers ask when I am due . When I start my period , the first day is a killer . I say that I only have one bad day a month . My husband says that my bad days are rolling around more often than they used to . So anyway , today was a bad day for me , pain wise . But I can tell it is easing now , and tomorrow will be OK . The only cure , per the doctors , is a hysterectomy . Because of the size of my uterus and the number of tumors , I would be in the hospital for about five days for major surgery , and I would not be able to drive for 6 - 8 weeks . I just don 't feel like I can do all that right now . We are very busy people , and I take care of my grandson a lot . Maybe in a year or two , when he doesn 't need to be held or chased down , I will feel able to do the surgery . But right now , I don 't feel I can devote the time and energy to it . Also , I am self - employed , so if I don 't work , I don 't get paid . That is another reason . I 've been like this two years . I was doing really well with taking some supplements and following an organic diet to control the growth of the tumors , and I lost a lot of weight in the process . But when we had a tornado here in April , we were without electricity for a week , and I got off my schedule . I have not really gotten back on it . So I need to make an effort to do that and be healthier . The tumors had shrank and I was doing well . Now they are growing again , and so am I . Sorry to go off on a rabbit trail . I don 't know what possessed me to go into all that . EarlSaturday was day 90 of Bible in 90 Days . I am half way through Luke . So I will be finished in a week or sooner , but I didn 't make the 90 days this time . This will be the 4th time I 've read the Bible through . I 'm so happy for all the ones who were able to finish . It is a wonderful program and very encouraging if you decide to try it in the spring . So that was our weekend . It was warm here , and a little cool at night . The trees are beginning to turn and lose their leaves . And the deer hunters are driving along our property lines to the woods behind us looking for their next buck . Hi friends ! I can call friends , can 't I ? Well , some of you may have noticed there was not a post on day 7 . That is because I had car trouble , and a lot of other things . But I am going to post Day 7 and Day 8 today , so don 't tell the 31 Day people , OK ? Yesterday was Friday . I worked from 8 until 12 , like usual . I told the man that I contract for about my plans to be off Monday . He said that was fine , but he wouldn 't be in Tuesday . He has to take his sister to the hospital to have a procedure . Since we won 't work together or talk for 4 days , I told him I would come Monday . I , as a rule , don 't work bank and postal holidays . Monday is Columbus Day . But I will go in , get the messages and deposits ready for Tuesday . And maybe if we are slow like we probably will be , I 'll leave early . So much for my house cleaning . Since there will be no reason to go the PO boxes and banks , I can start on my house at 1 : 00 . That will be the new plan . I need a house helper . A maid . Does anyone have a daughter that would like to be an apprentice ? She can board . Let me know if you know someone . I 'm trying to tell Pappy we need to find a couple to move on the farm and help out . I have not had any luck convincing him . When I got off work , I had to meet Pappy at the bank to sign his paper work that I signed yesterday when he was at the cow sale . I was having trouble with my car overheating on the way to the bank . Pappy put water in my car Monday , and it needed water again . So we decided that I should take it to the shop . Daughter # 1 was coming to meet me to go shopping so we left my car at the bank to cool off . Pappy filled it with water . He was prepared with a five gallon can of water on the truck . I guess farmers are a lot like boy scouts . Or maybe retired cops are . Daughter # 1 said she had to eat lunch , so we stopped at the Jacks . She told me to call Pappy and see if he wanted to eat , too . He stopped by , and we had lunch . Then Daughter # 1 and I went to the final 50 % off days of Kids Market . Kids Market is a local consignment sale . I may have told you that GrandBoy doesn 't seem to have many clothes . His mom sells them at the end of the season . I know this because two years in a row I have bought him clothes and when the season returns , he has nothing to wear and he has not grown much . He just turned three and still can wear some 2s , and he can wear 3s . So this would have been the same clothes he wore at the end of last winter . He has jeans and church clothes at my house , but I can 't find many sweat pants . I like him to wear those outside on the farm , so he doesn 't mess up his jeans or rip them . At Kids Market I got 28 " pieces " for 30 dollars . Two toys , a pair of rain boots , a pair of crocks for the spring ( boys can wear teal , can 't they ? ) , 6 pair of underwear , a " Cars " sandwich box and water bottle set , a John Deere toboggan , a camo hat , eight pairs of sweat pants , a red turtleneck , a Christmas sweater vest for church , and four " Cars " shirts . He loves the movie " Cars " . I was pleased , and now he is set for winter . I already bought some clothes and sent those to his Mom 's . So he is now ready at both places . Next we went to a store called " Dirt Cheap " . This is a consolidation type store . It was confusing to me . My daughters love it , and my tenants shop there , but I know I won 't go back by myself . You have to look at charts to figure out the price , and there are discount signs on each shelf . How do I know someone didn 't just set the item down on the wrong shelf ? Any way , I spent $ 40 there . Got Pappy a air compressor for the truck that runs off the cigarette lighter . I get more flat tires than anyone in the world . Probably should put it in my car . I got some fall decorations . A couple of towels with appliqued pumpkins , fake pumpkins and gourds , Some expensive fall paper plates for desert on Thanksgiving , some Thanksgiving cards to mail to the Texas family , and I don 't know what else . Daughter # 1 bought some clothes . Since Daughter # 1 works nights she was getting tired , so we didn 't make it to Aldis as I had planned . We went home . We couldn 't find the garage , so Pappy followed me back there to drop off my car . I think it may be a hose leaking . We will see . Pappy 's niece had a baby yesterday ! It is her second girl , and they named the beautiful princess , Amelia ! She has a big sister waiting at home . I was going to post a photo , but we are having cell phone tower issues in North Alabama , and I can 't send the photo from my phone to my email this morning . Maybe next time . Hi friends ! Today was Thursday . Last night GrandBoy and I went to church . He slept in his own bed , and he was so proud ! This morning I went to work , and GrandBoy and Pappy went to the cow sale . I think it was quite a day . GrandBoy wanted to stay out on the catwalk where you can see all the cows below . But Pappy couldn 't bid on the cows out there . Grand Boy didn 't want to go inside the arena , because he knew they would be sitting , and that 's not fun for a three year old boy . Pappy took two calves and a bull to the sale . Our bull went for $ 1 , 400 ! That was a great surprise ! We were both very pleased . Guess what ! I have always wanted a milk cow . But they cost a lot of money , like $ 1 , 000 . And if I ever find dairy calves for sale , they are always bull calves . So today Pappy came home from the sale with a Holstein ! She is six months bred , and he got her for about $ 600 for the pair . That is amazing . He will take the cow and calf back to the sale after the calf is born and make money off the transaction . He told me if the calf is a female I can keep her for a milk cow ! We 'll see how this goes , and I will keep you posted . He also bought another bred cow . AND he brought me a " present " . A box of apples ! He hadn 't seen a need to try to buy any apples when I brought it up last week . But when someone was selling them at the cow sale , he bought me a box because he thought of me ! He 's so good to me . Daughter # 3 is so excited about moving to our place that we are setting up . She asks me several times a day if we have done this , this , this . It is just the 6th day of the month . She will come over Sunday and help her Dad there , and paint the cabinets . Today while Pappy was at the cow sale , I had to go to the bank to sign some paperwork . While I was there , I got a call . I had forgotten that I had an appointment with an insurance agent to give me a quote on the farm policy . It is hard to find an insurance company here to insure farms . So I told him I could be there in 30 minutes . I met him at the farm and showed him around . He will email me some questions , and hopefully we will get a better price . Next on the errand list , I went to the post office boxes to pick up the mail , then to the bank to deposit rent . I met a couple of tenants to get their rent in cash . Pappy called , and I met him to get GrandBoy . Then I waited about an hour to meet someone to pick GrandBoy up . While we waited , we went back to the thrift store , where I got two skirts . That 's about the only place to go and wait in our small community that doesn 't involve McDonalds and a play place . I refuse to take GrandBoy to McDonalds . So we browsed the thrift store for about 30 minutes while we waited . I got the cutest book of blessings . It is a child 's book , and it was published in the 40 's . It is in mint condition and the illustrations are beautiful . Tonight I was showing Daughter # 1 some catelogs that came in the mail . I had looked through them and marked several outfits I would like to duplicate . I don 't get catalogs like that , and I was surprised they came . I enjoyed looking through them , and showed them to my daughter . She liked them too . I told her to look and see if they came to her by chance . She looked , and laughed . They weren 't hers , and they weren 't mine . They came to the wrong address ! Oh , my . Someone didn 't get their catalogs . But we enjoyed them , and I ordered them so we will get a set next time . Daughter # 2 asked me to meet her today for lunch . She wanted to me pray with her . Her relationship is ending , and she seems to be taking it hard . She said she has been praying for two days and doesn 't feel her prayers are doing any good or that God is hearing her . I told her not to pray that things would work out with that man . Pray that God will show her where He wants her to be , the path He wants her to follow , and the man He has chosen for her . I did pray for her . She was afraid her Dad and I would be disappointed about this break up . She has made a lot of progress in the last six months since she returned home . The man she was seeing is successful , but that doesn 't mean that he is the one God has chosen for her . I hope that she doesn 't stumble through this , and that she continues to go forward in her progress . I hope she is still , and feels God 's hand on her life . I 'm praying for her . God has great plans for her , I 'm sure . Daughter # 1 is worried about her classes . She is afraid her grades aren 't as high as she would like and that she might not get into nursing school . I 'm praying for her , too . I know that she will be successful , no matter what happens . I noticed today that I need to pick the tomatoes . I am planning to be off Monday in observance of Columbus Day . I hope I will get a lot of things done at home . Locally , today we got our first Aldi 's Grocery Store . I have wished for one here for a couple of years , and can 't wait to go visit tomorrow . My sister went today . Most of you probably know that you have to have a quarter to get a cart . My sister didn 't have a quarter , so she carried things around the store in her arms . Pumpkins were $ 1 . 99 each . She got three . I guess she kicked those around the store , or something ! She checked out three times , went to her car , and came back in for more . The last time one man asked if he would see her again tonight ! She answered she thought she was done ! You also have to pay for bags , and she didn 't bring her recycleables , so she carried items to the car herself . Milk was $ 1 . 99 , and eggs . 49 a dozen . I 'm pretty excited to try this store out . Bananas were 28 cents a pound ! The bad bananas here that I buy are about 33 cents a pound . This will be great , I think . One of our peacocks are dead . The young female . Pappy thinks one of the turkeys may be sick , too . I hope it doesn 't die . I 'm afraid that the farmers around us ( we are in the middle of 100 acres of crops . Most years it is cotton , but this year it is soy beans ) may have sprayed the crops again . The soybeans are turning yellow , but I 'm not sure if they die off like cotton does . They spray cotton so the foliage dies , then they pick the cotton . One year when they sprayed the fields we lost a sheep . When we tried to figure out what happened , we noticed the sheeps ' water was purple ! And we remembered the plane going over the day before . So we dumped their water out , and no other animals died . I hope that is not the case this time . Well , I guess I should let you go . Can you tell I don 't have many lady friends ? I 'm a busy , professional woman , and I think this is a problem for a lot of professional women . Maybe all women . Or maybe it 's just me . But anyway , its nice to talk to all of you . Hope your evening is blessed ! Honey Today in North Alabama , the temperatures were in the 80 's . Very nice if you need to be outside . Our day started at 6 : 00 , as usual . I sat down in chair in ouroffice , and the phone rang . Daughter # 3 was on the phone , and was going to drop GrandBoy off at the road , if I would meet her there . Our driveway is a half mile long . No exaggeration ! So I met her at the mailbox , and picked up our boy . When I got back to the house , the rest of the household was up , wondering where I had gone in my pajamas . But they soon knew because GrandBoy let them know he was home as soon as he came through the door ! Daughter # 1 watched him since it was her day off . She also went grocery shopping and worked on party food for her Dad 's party . This morning Pappy dropped off his trailer so the " barn dismantlers " could fill it with old hay . Last night , the head guy helped Pappy load all the metal onto another trailer , and Pappy and GrandBoy unloaded it this afternoon . GrandBoy would lift the corner of the next sheet , and hold it like that until Pappy came back from moving the previous sheet of metal . GrandBoy was helping . As he would say , he was " working " ! This is a sheet of the metal we purchased . The barn was over 100 years old , with hand - carved oak beams and hand made nails . We saved a couple of nails . Pappy may buy some of the beams , when the guy decides how much he wants for them . Pappy wants me to look up the metal we bought and see if it is 100 years old . We will see . Pappy went to Tennessee today and worked on one of the pastures we rent . He sprayed the fence line and ditches . He also checked all the fencing . You have to have good fencing if you are going to keep cows . The mobile home movers finally got finished . They called me at 10 and wanted to get paid . I told them I could meet them after 12 , when I got off . They wanted to come to my office . I said " no " . We waited two days for them to get started . They can wait 2 hours for me to get off . When I got through going to the post offices and bank , I went by the house to pick up GrandBoy . He and I went to the local elementary school where GrandBoy will go in the fall . They have three year old preschool there . GrandBoy could have gone this year , but his birthday is 2 weeks late . He will definitely go in the fall . The Preschool program is new here , and not available at each school . So I wanted to make sure this program wasn 't income based , and what the requirements were to attend . The program is for any three year old who lives in the district . So GrandBoy will definitely be going ! He was excited when he saw the playground . Then we went to the local thrift store to return a vacuum cleaner I bought Saturday . It didn 't work , and I had 5 days to return it . We looked around and picked up a few items . GrandBoy wanted to look at the toys . So that was the first stop . We bought a bull dozier to play with in the sand box for 50 cents . GrandBoy got a shirt , and Pappy got 2 . I got a book ( but don 't tell Pappy . I told him I was trying not to buy any more books . This made him very happy . ) . I also got a Home Interiors Christmas picture that is framed . Next stop was to Daughter # 3 's work . This is GrandBoy 's mom . She works at a thrift store in the next big town to where we live . I was carrying her some items that were at our house that she needed . And while we were there , she asked me to pick up a few items for her . She can 't shop on a day she works . She got some Christmas place mats . I got some leg warmers to wear under my skirts , and some new Puma socks . I also got Bubble bath . I love bubble bath . I also got a rug for the bathroom , and a woven piece that I would like to make a rug out of . We will see . For dinner , I made hash out of the pork roast I cooked the other day . I started by frying potatoes . I love fried potatoes , but don 't eat them often . I added onions , green bell peppers , and a tomato that needed to be eaten . When those veggies were cooked , I cut up the roast and let it heat through . I added my favorite Soul Food Seasoning . It was delicious . Oh , I forgot to tell you . Remember the guy who is in charge of barn demolition ? After I left yesterday , he told Pappy that he remembered where he knew me from . Pappy said , " Well , where do you know her from ? " He said his brother used to rent from me . And then he said , " And you know , she used to be married to a cop " . I was appalled that he thought I was divorced ! But Pappy thought it was funny . He told the guy , " No , man , I am that cop " . See Pappy has not cut his hair in the year he 's been retired , so it is getting pretty long . I guess he didn 't look like a cop to that guy . I guess it was pretty funny . As long as I 'm not divorced . Honey Posted by Hi ! Welcome to our farm . We are so glad to see you ! Today the movers got our trailer moved to the lot down the road . I don 't guess they are finished setting it up , because they didn 't call to get paid . Daughter # 3 and her son , GrandBoy , are going to live there . She is getting excited . She texted me and wanted to know if the trailer had arrived . She wanted to know if she could have the utilities transferred ( No , there is no service there yet ) and did we find a stove yet , because they will need one ( No , when have we had time ? ? ? ) . Hope the movers will get everything finished tomorrow . As I was driving down the road to the post office , I noticed a hand - made sign on the side of the road that said , " wood and ten for sale " . The " ten " was really barn metal . They were dismantling a barn and selling the pieces . I called Pappy to see if he wanted to go by and check out the metal . He told me to go back and find out how much they wanted for it . So I turned around and went back . They said the pieces were 14 ft and 11 ft . They had probably 40 pieces , and wanted $ 2 a piece , no matter which size . I left and finished running errands . I called Pappy and told him the price . He told me to go pay the guy for all of it . I went back and started to pay , but since they could see I was willing to pay , they came up with 75 pieces , and a few they would take $ 1 for . I called Pappy , and told him he should come over and look at it . So he came by and worked out a few deals with the guy . He got all the metal for $ 160 . And he is going to take a trailer over tomorrow , and as they tear down the barn , they are going to throw old hay bales into the trailer . Pappy is going to use them for seeding a pasture . Busy , Busy . When I got to the farm , I hung out some more loads of towels . I got ready to start dinner . I worked in the outdoor kitchen where Pappy 's retirement 2 party will be held Saturday . We have a lot of items brought home from empty rentals that were being stored in there until they could be sorted through . Of course , Pappy wants them gone before his party ! So that is how our day we t . Pappy 's help didn 't show up , so he had to do the bush hogging , and clean up the empty trailer lot , and all the other things he needed help for , by himse f . He is pretty sore and tired tonig t . Well , I still need to send a couple of emails before b d . See you tomorr w . Ho Hi ! Welcome back ! Today was not a real " farmy " day . Hope I don 't disappoint you ! I woke up , and it was COLD here ! 36 degrees . That is cold in Alabama in October . I was not expecting it . I panicked and thought I would have to clean out the garden and move my plants inside this week . But the weather is only suppose to be in the 40s at night the rest of the week , so that can wait . The first night the news calls for a " freeze " - temps at 32 or below , we are very busy . We move the doves into the greenhouse . I pick any blooming flowers and bring them inside . I can 't bear for them to go to waste . I go through the garden one last time , and gather the last of the vegetables . All the peppers get picked , no matter how small . Any stray beans , cucumbers , etc . We pick all the green tomatoes and sit them out to " turn " . The will eventually ripen and turn red . It just takes time . I was glad not to have to face that this week . I began the day by getting Pappy and Daughter # 2 up . Usually I 'm the only one up , but we were suppose to move a mobile home today , so that was why Pappy needed up . Daughter # 2 was up because her college classes began again today for the fall semester . So everyone was trying to get ready at the same time , and it was a little rushed . I went to work till 12 noon , like usual . The mobile home mover had not called as he said he would , so I called him . He said they were just finishing the home that was suppose to have been finished Saturday . He said they would arrive shortly , work for two hours , and move the trailer in the morning . Another day . So Pappy and his helper went up to our trailer park to work on some projects . I went to both PO Boxes . No rent at all . I had an appointment to pick up some rent at a mobile home occupied by a Hispanic gentleman . I helped him to get a mortgage to purchase the home and land , and we took a second mortgage for his down payment . So he still pays me some each month . I went by to pick up his payment . No one was there . A fat puppy as wandering around the yard , and all the chickens were lose . The door was unlocked . No cars in the yard . Very strange . Alabama just passed a new immigration law . Rumor is that Hispanics are leaving the area in droves . I have four Hispanic families . I 'm not aware of any of mine leaving . But I began to wonder as I waited to see if anyone would come home so I could collect . I told myself I would wait till 6 : 30 . At about 6 : 15 , a young man pulled up in a car . He didn 't speak much English . He paid half the payment . No one has ever paid except my client , so I don 't know . I 'll go back in a few days , and see if I can find Jorge and collect the rest of our money . When I got back to the farm . I started some laundry and cleaned the bathroom . I thought about dinner , but waited to do anything . I planned yesterday to have a pork roast for dinner . But I didn 't know that husband has a meeting tonight , and Daughter # 1 will be in bed because of the shift she works this week , and Daughter # 2 will be at her boyfriend 's house . So I will eat pork roast alone . No reason to cook accompaniments , I 'll just have fruit , chips , and bread . Alone . I picked some tomatoes from the last of our garden . I check for eggs , but didn 't find any . Our hens have taken a break , I guess . I did find a large rat with a long tail , running along the edge of the roof , in the hen house . Have to tell Pappy about that . I made an appointment with a new insurance company to come out Thursday evening to give us a quote on a farm policy . There are not many companies who will write farms here . So I would like to get an idea if this one has better coverage , and a cheaper price . Usually , if your cars are there , you get a break , and this is where our auto insurance is . The Cattle men 's Association sent out an email about them , and I jumped right on checking them out . Last night Pappy asked me to price raspberries and see if we could order some for fall planting . We have already ordered blackberries . He wants to sell them next year . So I will do that in a minute . I 'm trying to finish up the Bible in 90 Days program . Saturday is day 90 , and I am on day 72 . I have a lot of reading to do if I am going to finish on time . I have read the Bible through before , in this program a few times , and in a yearly program . I hope I finish on time . We 'll see . Pappy finished juicing the grape for wine . I 've never made the grape juice to can for drinking , that I 'd planned to try this year . I always wash and throw my grapes in a bag , and put them in the freezer . When they are all ripe and ready , I do them all at one time . Well , the frozen grapes didn 't look like they would work well for my juice recipe , so I decided to put that off till next year , when I have fresh ones that haven 't been frozen . All the grapes this season will go to wine making . We got three gallons of grape juice today , and I will start the wine process later in the week . I 've already bought the sugar . It takes a lot of sugar to make wine . Hi ! Welcome to day 2 of 31 Days of My Real Farm Life . I 'm so glad you stopped by . We started the day by going to church . GrandBoy spent the night so he could go to church with us . He spends every Saturday and Wednesday night here on the farm . GrandBoy stayed in his bed all night by himself ! I guess three year olds do that ! I got GrandBoy ready to go , then I realized we were already late . Good thing the church is only a mile away ! So I went to get dressed . While I was gone , GrandBoy decided to change his shoes , and other things . I got him ready again , and we left . When we got to the church , I took GrandBoy to his class . It is now 20 after ten , and class started at 10 . The teacher said , " I see you are late today ! " I said , " He 's having a bad day today " . I guess we will work on getting ready earlier next week , and I guess I will get ready first ! So after church , I took home some children who needed a ride . GrandBoy rode home with Daughter # 1 , so he could spend some time outside with Pappy , before he had to go back to his Mom 's house . When I got home , he and Pappy were juicing the grapes ! GrandBoy couldn 't wait to show me that he could do it himself ! The juice you see above is for wine . The juice I 'm going to can is for grape juice . The grapes that I need are still thawing out from the freezer . So I may not get that part done till tomorrow . I took GrandBoy to meet his Mom , and I picked up some rent while I was out . The rent is slow getting started this month . This is the first one I 've collected for October , I believe . When I got home , I got some meat out of the freezer for today and tomorrow . Pappy went to bush hog a pasture we lease for cattle in Tennessee . I 'm sorry , but I 'm not running up there to take photos today . You 'll just have to imagine that part of our farm day . I planned to have pork roast tomorrow fixed in the crock pot . We just picked up a whole hog at the processor last week . We will be busy moving a trailer tomorrow , so that will be good to have dinner made when we get home . Tonight we are having hamburger casserole . I don 't know when pappy will be home from bush hogging , so this can wait a while . I fed the chickens this afternoon . We give them feed , of course , every day . But each Saturday , I try to clean out all the left over bread heals , stale chips , and anything in the fridge that needs to go . I just dump it all in a large pan , then give it to the chickens . Produce can go in there , too . Some people are picky about what they feed their chickens , but I give mine just about anything . So I don 't feel so bad if something goes bad , because I 'm not going to through it out . Not much goes to waste on the Farm . So now , here I am . I just talked to the trailer moving company , and they will be running late tomorrow . I guess I will wrap up today here , and start planning our wee k . I have to plan my calendar , find out where everyone will be , and get a menu together . On October 1 , Pappy was retired one year ! So Saturday he is having a " gathering " of police officer friends . Most police officers don 't live five years after they retire , so he plans to have a party every year for the first five years ! That requires some planning this week as well . Hi ! A few days ago , I saw on The Modest Mom Blog , where she was going to link to a series for 31 Days . She is going to talk about femininity . That was a few days ago , so I still had time to think about it . I thought that would be a good thing for me to try , to commit to posting on a single topic for 31 days . I had forgotten , but I also knew about two months ago , that another blog I follow , MOD , was also going to participate . This morning when I got up , I saw on twitter the buzz about " 31 Days " . It took me a moment to remember what exactly that was . Then I realized it was October . End of the months , and First of the months are busy for me . I am a property manager and real estate investor with my husband . We also have a farm . At the end of the month , I am trying to make sure all the rent is collected , and any evictions that have not paid are forwarded to my attorney . The first of the month , I am trying to shove rent money in the bank as fast as I can gather it up . We have mortgages to pay , you know ! So somehow I forgot that it is October now . I guess because it is Saturday , and I didn 't have to think so fast today . When I noticed all the talk about 31 Days , I went over and looked at the links . I tried to think of what topic I would write about if I were going to participate . I really need to work for 31 days on " putting my husband first " or " letting my adult children go " or something like that . My husband would say I need to working on " keeping a cleaner house " . I am not a computer geek . When I tried to link to the host site the first time , my button process didn 't work very smoothly . No photos popped up , so I chose a photo of our farm sign . I thought a template would come up , because most of the buttons looked the same . I never saw that . Somehow my first button didn 't work because the address was wrong . So I made a second one , using my real blog button . Since my button says " My Real Farm Life " I guess that narrows down what I will write about . Life on our farm . For thirty - one days , I will tell you what we do each I hope you all stop by and keep me accountable on this new journey for me . I hope to see you back here tomorrow ! Today on the farm , we will be making grape juice to can , and moving cows . I 'll write more about that later . I just wanted to post something quickly in case you stopped by . I hope you stop by ! Honey This is a photo from our farm . Our pole barn is on the left , and the Club House , as my husband calls it , is on the right . That is where we have parties , and I do some of my canning . Honey and Pappy moved to a farm . Although neither had ever lived on a farm before , they started living the farm life . This is the day to day time consuming activities involved in living on a farm . Even city folk can do it if they try ! |
I was walking at night in a city . I came across a dark alley . When I looked down the gravel , I saw the Bitter Tears slinking around . These ol ' guys : It seemed like they were trying to be creepy but really they were more like British humor : I was standing next to the street and a shark leaped up from the road and latched onto my left forearm . I ran inside the house and locked myself in the bathroom . I tried to open the shark 's jaw but it held on so tight . Blood was pouring out of my arm ; bright red puddles pooled at my feet . When I finally pried the shark free I flung him to the bathroom floor . It immediately froze and looked like an ice sculpture . I dreamed that I could grab little birds , sparrows and parakeets , by their tiny legs and their feet would latch around my fingers . They liked being there . Also there was a tiny white fish out of the water and I gave it CPR by pressing its lungs rhythmically with my thumb . In another dream , I was going fishing inside an abandoned and flooded trailer with two of my coworkers . It was a field trip , it was supposed to be fun , a treat . I reached down and grabbed a huge fish out of the water with my bare hands . My coworker Lauren said knowingly , " It 's a sturgeon . And its not going to fit in the car like that . " She then snapped the head of the fish clean off and threw it in a trash can under the sink . I was amazed and couldn 't stop staring at the fish head . We drove back to Atlanta with the headless body of the fish laying on the floorboard of the front passenger seat of the car . Also I had hidden trash can containing the head inside the trunk . During an odd little 30 minute morning nap , I dreamed of laying on a blanket in a field of high grass with a friend . We were watching gutter punks build and spray - paint a giant metal structure to our right . More and more people kept arriving and adding different facets to the art piece . I balanced my camera on my friend 's knee to do a high exposure shot . I think this is the first time I 've actively used my photography knowledge in a dream . I just had a dream this morning where I was still with my ex - boyfriend , and I was trying to figure out how to tell him I really didn 't want to be with him any more . We were at some awesome place that was dark and vacation - y and full of people we were having fun with , but I was also solving some mystery or taking care of some exciting business . I felt challenged because sometimes I would think " Well , he 's really not that bad . . . " and then other times I would think " I really have to just cut this off ASAP . " I was not able to convince him that we shouldn 't be together , which is very similar to what happened in real life . And then I woke up . But at least I tried to tell him to his face in the dream , instead of just handing him a letter and running away like I did in real life . I had a dream that a friend who is living abroad came to visit me . It was a surprise visit . I owned a house and it was the middle of the night , I think I was cleaning my bathroom or something . And he showed up and I said all disheveled from cleaning and said something like " I 'm a hot mess " and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he 'd ever heard . In my head I was like , how has he never heard that phrase before ? Then there were some long embarassing parts with some making out and long embraces . . . and another friend showed up with someone else , not sure who . My other friend was dressed as a cowboy and was trying to get us to go out somewhere . He left and we went inside and my dad was there . He asked why I had all these dead cats hanging from the ceiling . We looked up and there were dead black cats hanging from the ceiling , with guts hanging out . I said that someone had been putting them there to scare me and my dad removed them and put them outside . I don 't remember anything else . I later had a dream that I was a zombie and that I ate someone . There ya go I had two different dreams about being in a cult . I walked into an old house with me ex . I am not sure why we were at the house , I think it appeared to be some sort of boutique . We were invited to sit down at a big table with 4 other people . We were all chatting when I started to get a really weird feeling . Something just felt off about the people . They were dressed like they were on soap operas from the 70 's . One of the women had big poofy blonde hair and was wearing all purple . I started to feel like I wanted to leave so I went to the door and called my mom . The people were not happy that I wanted to leave so I waited for my mom to get there . My mom and sister arrive and somehow I was able to leave , but my ex wanted to stay . He said " I 'll be out in 2 minutes , it will be really quick . " As we were leaving there were protesters outside the house , teenagers wearing all black with black eye makeup . They were yelling , " It 's a fucking cult ! " and holding signs . My mom , sister and I got in the car and started to drive away , but I said we couldn 't go far because we needed to pick up my ex . We decided to drive around the block and we 'd quick pick him up as we passed the house again . As we were driving we say my ex running . I couldn 't tell if he was looking for us or just running . He was acting really strange , though . He would stop and kind of twirl and move around like maybe he was dancing ? I kept watching him from the car as my mom was driving farther away from him . He had almost zombie - like dance moves . We drove out of his view and my mom announced that she was almost out of gas . Then the car stopped right before East Wash ( in Madison ) . I was nervous about how close we still were to the house and my ex . We started discussing a plan of how to get gas . And then I woke up . When I woke up this morning I remembered both of my dreams really vividly , but now I can 't remember if I just blended them into one or forgot the other one completely . But I remember waking up thinking it was really strange I had two different dreams aboPosted by I was in a coffee shop with Anna , ordering lattes . When we got them , they were like giant chocolate milkshakes , but runny , which is perfect because sometimes milkshakes are too cold for my teeth . We turned to sit down at a table when I saw an old friend of mine out of the corner of my eye . He wore a white lab coat and disappeared around a corner . " Namir ? " I called as I followed him . He peered out from a doorway and replied " Yeeessss ? ? " while at the same time , my cousin Laith peered out from a doorway across the hall , also wearing a white lab coat and saying " Yeeessss ? ? " Laith was also pointing at his head insistently . He had shaved it bald . He smiled like a damn fool . They both faded out and my guitar teacher appeared . He was wearing an adorable yellow bowtie and a black porkpie hat . I got excited and started to say to him " You look so nice . . . " but then I realized he was wearing a white sweat suit as well , so I finished with " . . . from the shoulders up ! " The sweatshirt and sweatpants had two different colleges written on them ; one was written in blue and one in black . He then put on a suit over the sweatsuit . The suit was black with pinstripes and was giant . I returned to Anna and drank the rest of my latte milkshake . It had weird chunks at the bottom which I drank as I thought to myself " I may regret this in a moment . " I began singing the song " Nasty " by Janet Jackson . When I sang , the entire song came out of my mouth , drums and synth and voice and everything . As I sang , Anna and other people in the coffee shop started dancing . As I danced , I realized Will Smith was dancing right behind me . I kept singing and we formed a sort of demented conga line , just the two of us . When I got to the verse of the song , I somehow switched into " Rhythm Nation , " which I didn 't realize until I got to the chorus . I tried to do the Rhythm Nation dance , but my hands were full with a a giant box full of firecrackers . Here 's what I missed out on : My work third floor bathroom has issues at the urinals in real life . Either men at my work can 't aim at all or there 's a slow leak or both . The point is , for a corporate 4 story building in a business area , it 's really not up to snuff . In my dream , however , to make matters worse , the urinals require a quarter to operate . The apparatus looks exactly like a video game slot . Even with the orange glow . Shift forward sometime in my sleep , maybe even directly after leaving the smelly restroom . I 'm in the middle of a vast field , it 's overcast and the weather is moderate . And Mike Rowe is making a hard sell for me to buy som crappy merchandise that I can 't recall for the life of me . But the hook was this shiny maroon F150 that we were standing in . Not only does it include one , but two of said crappy merch for a low , low price ! Two , crappy plastic , whatevers and you also get entered to own this beautiful truck . Thanks Mike . I dreamed that I was chosen to interview President Obama at Beloit College , where I went to school . I don 't know why I was picked , but it was mostly because I was an alumni and I had some connection with a professor . Unfortunately , I didn 't prepare any questions , so I was scrambling to come up with something within the 20 minutes before the interview was to take place . I also couldn 't find any blank sheets of paper - the notebook I had was full of paper , but every page had writing on it . I also had a lot os loose papers stuck in the notebook , but they were all written on as well . I did have two pens and a pencil , though . I showed up on campus - drove my jeep up a windy road on a hill as it rained and I looked for an umbrella . Campus looked different from how I remember it , more like the campus of the school where my sister went to college . I was surprised that I didn 't have to go through any type of security . I stood in the lobby of Eaton Chapel , where the interview was to take place , and where I took all my music classes as an undergraduate . While we waited for Obama to show up , I gave a tour to an older woman . I can 't remember who she was , but she could either be one of my old professors , or a member of Obama 's family . I showed her around the building , and was trying to show her the dark staircase in the back of the building that comes up backstage ( I had this idea of us coming out from backstage and her being met with a beautiful view of the chapel from the stage ) but it was pitch black and there were heavy cords all over the ground , and I was convinced she was going to trip . Then I was back in the lobby and Obama showed up , walking casually through the door by himself . " ' Sup , " he said to me , and moved on . I didn 't tell him I was going to interview him . We moved up on to the stage and sat at a small table where we 'd do the interview . I still searched frantically for paper . One of my old professors , Ian , sat to my side , just like how a page turner sits next to a pianist . I think maybe he was going to turn pages foPosted by I was watching a band play in the far end of the parking lot across the street from my house . They sort of seemed like a noise band which is weird because I 'm definitely not into noise , and I was really into this band . They had posted a " rule " on a sign behind them : nobody is allowed to wear masks in the audience unless they were sick or were afraid of getting sick or they were going to an amusement park where they might get sick . I thought of those blue paper surgical masks . This band was scheduled to play here from 7 pm - 8 pm , and then they were supposed to play at The Inferno from 8 : 30 - 9 : 30 . I planned on going over there , but I must have taken too long because when I was finally leaving my house , it was already 9 : 30 . I decided to go anyway to check out the second band . Thank god I did . You know who it was ? Effing Axl Rose and Slash , backed up by The Bitter Tears . Basically , this combination makes my favorite band ever . I watched them in a room with only about 20 other people , and got a great view right up front . During their last song , Slash and Axl stood in the center of the stage playing music while the four members ( Alan , Mike , Tony , and a girl with glasses that I 'd never seen before ) did organized , choreographed dances in a square around them . The Bitter Tears rotated places every 4 - 8 bars of music and faced inward , towards Axl and Slash . They did a lot of grand movements with their hands , and they were able to play their instruments at the same time . Their eyes were all very focused on Axl and Slash . At the end of their last song , Axl ran into the " back room " where apparently there was an audience of about 200 , so I decided not to fight my way back there . Some guy announced the next band , which turned out to be the band of Toby from The Office . That was a sold out show , so I didn 't even have a choice in whether or not I wanted to go . Good job , Toby . I don 't know if I was watching something or if I was actually in the situation because everything that happened didn 't affect me . I was in the water , right next to a wooden dock . There was a shark swimming circles around me . It was saying " darn ! darn ! darn ! " over and over again . I thought that was pretty nerdy so I laughed . The shark promptly swallowed me whole and laughed , but I was still alive and outside the shark somehow . It then spit up " my bones , " which was a silver metal oven rack . I was at Anna 's sister 's wedding . Anna was the maid of honor , and as I watched her walk up the aisle before her sister , I grabbed my camera to take pictures . It was running out of batteries , so I kept turning it on and trying again , and I got a few mediocre shots out of it . As I was taking the pictures , I remembered that I was supposed to play a song for the wedding and I didn 't have my music with me . Since my music was at my parents ' house and the wedding was just a few blocks away , I thought it would be fine for me to leave and run back to their house to get it . I assumed I 'd get back to the wedding with no problem . Then all of a sudden , I was in a giant high - rise parking garage . It was dirty and dingy and dark and scary with a million stairwells , several on each floor , so I couldn 't keep track of where I was going . I held my keys tightly in my hand and kept pressing the lock button , which makes my car 's horn honk . I could hear it very faintly in the distance . It was very high - pitched . As I climbed the stairs , the sound got harder and harder to hear , so I figured I should go back down . Whenever I got inside a stairwell where I 'd be going down the stairs , I was able to jump down the whole thing with my fingers just lightly grazing the handrails . It was sort of like flying , but more so jump - falling in an organized fashion . Make sense ? I searched and searched everywhere , but I could not find my car . I did come across a man wearing a busted up tuxedo . He looked like some kind of cartoonish magician or the villain from an old movie . Crooked mustache , wilted flower in his boutonniere . He was digging through piles of junk , boxes of random things . He implied that he could help me find my car . I searched through the piles with him for a few minutes , turning up some of my own belongings . Then he led me to the base of a stairwell where three other people sat ; two grown men and one little girl . " Stay here for 15 minutes , " he told me . " Whatever you 're looking for will show up . " I sat on the dirty floor and realized the two mePosted by I was in a convention in a really nice hotel in Hawaii or someplace tropical , and I was surprised to see that a woman was walking out of the convention lobby with something that looked like a purse , but also like a large alien pod . It was clear with sharp wavy triangular tentacles , and it glowed red at intervals . It was beautiful , but I was scared because at first I thought it was a bomb . When her husband arrived , he was wearing a HUGE triceratops mask made of the same clear and glowing material . When I expressed my surprise at his mask , he said , " Well , if you 're in danger , and it might be some time before any help comes , these come in handy . " Then I was almost awake , but still dreaming . I decided to go back into the dream and see if I could fly . I was back in the dream , and I was flying , but it was hard to fly with my eyes open because if I opened my eyes I would really wake up . It was wonderful to fly with my eyes only slightly open . I dreamed I was in my parents ' neighbors ' kitchen with a family I teach . The 7 year old boy had grown to be as tall as me , which was confusing . I looked down at our feet to see if I was wearing shoes that made me shorter or he was wearing shoes that made him taller . It turned out that I was wearing brown knock - off Birkenstocks with black socks . The mom in the family lifted up my foot to take a closer look . " These are really nice , " she said . " Yes , they 're knock - off Birkenstocks . I love them , " I replied , but I was lying through my teeth . I was mortified to be wearing them . Especially with black socks . In my dream , I had just purchased a can of diced tomatoes . As soon as I got home , I realized there were already three cans in the garage . But it was the garage of my parents ' house . I didn 't really care . Also , I could speak Spanish fluently ! Oh wait ! I just remembered ( I 'm adding this a few hours later ) that Gwen and I were driving around looking for the tanning salon we had to go to , and when we found out it was in the Princeton Club West , we were both like " gross " and didn 't end up going . I have been dreaming so much lately and having a hard time keeping track . It 's like every night there is a really long intense dream . In this one I was at a supermarket and there was a raffle going on . There were three large carts full of healthy things you could win . In one of the carts was a bunch of yogurt and ' beneful ' which is dog food in real life , but I think in the dream it was kinda like granola . I really wanted to win that cart of stuff , but I was upset that it was vegan yogurt . I walked around the grocery store trying to find someone to talk to to see if I could switch it out if I won . Somehow I got lost and ended up in the managers office . It had a big table in the center and a large white couch on the side of the room . On top of the table was one of those fake tubular fish tanks things , this this : Except in the dream there were real fish in it . A man with chin length hair was standing by the table and knocked the fish tank over . It shattered and water was everywhere . Somehow I knew he was in the office trying to rig the raffle so he would win . I was terrified now , because I had seen him knock over the fish tank . He looked up and saw me and pointed a gun at me . I screamed and ran behind the couch . He came over to the couch and leaned over it so he could see me . I kept crawling back and forth behind the couch because I was trying to be a moving target . I was trying to get in a position so that if he shot me it would go through me and not kill me . It didn 't work because he shot me in my neck . I was holding my neck as it bled when I woke up . After I woke up I realized it was Darrell Hammond from SNL who was trying to rig the raffle and who shot me . But in the dream he looked like that creepy hit man in Grosse Point Blank - the guy John Cusack kills with a pen - in the neck ! ! ! ! Weird . In the first part of my dream , I was at a conference in a hotel with my parents and siblings . I don 't know what the conference was about , but there were a lot of people dressed in ball gowns . Very glittery and sequin - y and tons of colors , mostly bright pinks and blues and greens . The material of the dresses was usually shiny . So basically , it sort of looked like an Arabic wedding . We argued about wear to park so that we wouldn 't have to walk far in the rain . We were in the lobby of the hotel , gathered around a table full of papers that we were supposed to fill out . The papers were messy and unorganized . I sat at the table with glasses on , trying to find the right form . Just then , somebody walked up to the table and placed a book , standing up , right in the middle . The book was Fatherhood . Which means that the man who put it there was . . . BILL COSBY . For real . He was bigger in person than he is on television . Not taller or fatter , but his proportions were bigger . He was a bigger kind of human than we all were . He smiled as he put the book down , and we somehow knew he was promoting it . Due to my quick wit ( duh ) , I said " Oh , self - promotion , eh ? " and Bill and the whole crowd burst into laughter . In all the craziness of laughing , the book fell over on its side , and I grabbed another opportunity at hilarity and yelled " Booooooo ! " Bill Cosby laughed and laughed , and I remember thinking " Yes ! I got two laughs out of Bill Cosby , and he 's a comedian ! " Really though , I think I 'm much funnier than this in real life . In the second part of my dream , I was talking to a professor of mine who ended up being Robert Downey Jr ( who I 've totally had a dream about before ) . As we were talking , I realized he was getting flirty and that there might be some Sexy Results . He asked me to come back later that night for a " meeting " ( yeah right , Downey Jr ) so I went to find my friend so we could go home and change . My friend had to keep score at a cheerleading competition , though , so we got held up and I kept looking impatiently at the time , not wanPosted by I dreamed that I was shopping with my sister and my mother . We were in my mother 's bedroom , which was also a department store . Probably Carson 's . My mother kept showing us dresses and they were all shiny and glittery . We had to help her pick out two , but each one kept changing colors and moving , so I couldn 't pick one . My sister sent her into the dressing room , and at the last minute , I realized she 'd sent my mother in with a few pair of swimming trunks to try on as well . It made me feel weird . I looked at all the underwear and wanted to buy all of it . In this dream , I kept feeling a lot of love for underwear . All the underwears of all the world . Dudes , dudes , I have no choice but to confess that I have had yet another dream about Bret Michaels . This marks the third in a series , prompted no doubt by his recent brain hemorrhage , win of Celebrity Apprentice and appearance on American Idol - but who 's keeping track ? I dreamed that Bret was my boyfriend and we were going to a sweat lodge in Kentucky . On the way there we passed a carpenter 's work room and we stopped so he could show me what a great craftsman he is by making me a snow board . When we got to the site of the sweat lodge , we saw that it had been taken over by the evil bull - woman - with - claws from the second season of True Blood . I was really scared but my boyfriend Bret said " I 'll protect you " and then I woke up and laughed my ass off . I dreamed I cooked a feast . I wanted the feast to be as good as the one that the Other Mother makes Coraline in the movie , with cupcakes , roast chicken , cherry pie and a gravy train that runs on a track around the table to each plate of mashed potatoes : My friend sat down to eat the magnificent feast and took a huge bite that overflowed from his spoon . He then leaned back in his chair and declared " That was great , but I 'm full ! " I started to get annoyed but then I noticed that his stomach started swelling - inflating actually , not unlike Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka . Then his belt snaps and the buckle ricochets , breaking my window . I dreamed about this guy - this guy over here on the left - who is a lawyer that I know in real life who has written a poetry book that he is actually reading from at a pub ( while wearing a kilt ) in this picture . In my dream he was also wearing a kilt and reading from the poetry book at a pub , but the difference was that after he was done , he gave me a pool . A beautiful sparkling , Olympic size pool that I went swimming in . I was at an event where a large group of people were dancing some martial arts style dance . I was somehow nominated to choose a team of dancers from the group so I had to pay attention to each person and it was a lot of pressure . Then I was with a group of people from college , at a friend 's wedding reception . Everyone was split up into small rooms and " the cool crowd " was jam - packed into a room . I decided to boycott the cool crowd because it was so overcrowded and competitive to get a drink and the bride & groom 's attention . I was a little bit pouty about it . Then I was with a large group of friends and we found out we were going to Reykjavik , Iceland in a few hours . It was a ridiculous idea but no one wanted to miss the opportunity . So we got packed up to go . As we flew over Iceland , I asked " Is this real ? " because we were in small planes , the size of about 3 rollercoaster cars . It was beautiful - clear skies , mountains , a lush green landscape below . I kept thinking of Bjork and how it made so much sense that she was from here . It was strange that there was no sign of volcanic ash in the sky and that we were cleared to fly . I actually thought maybe we were on a 3 - D ride at Disneyworld because these planes or helicopters were so small and rollercoaster - like . They were so small that we were even able to zip through Reykjavik downtown and see shops , restaurants and cobblestone roads . It looked like a great city . At the hostel , our group bustled around finding our rooms and settling in . Reem was there and wanted to watch a Cameron Diaz movie . She kept asking others if it was a good movie , as she was really skeptical . But she really wanted to watch it . I remember thinking how lame it was that I was dreaming about a Cameron Diaz movie instead of dreaming of exploring Reykjavic on account of Reem . I was at a house - I don 't know who 's house it was , but I was possibly at a party , or babysitting , or something like that . Somebody told me , or I realized , that they were shooting a movie just a few houses away , and that Robert Downey Jr . was there . I immediately took off running , which is really cool because usually I can 't run in dreams . I ran through the backyard of my aunt and uncle 's house in Illinois , which seemed giant and like a jungle . There was mowed grass and flowers everywhere . Without stopping , I bent down to pick up a cut yellow rose that still had a ton of leaves attached to it and I kept running . I ran through all their neighbors ' yards , going around wells and jumping over piles of sticks . I finally got to the place they were filming , which was a big fancy hotel . In the lobby , there was a huge , oval - shaped fountain or some kind of structure that contained tons of plant life , little garden statues , and waterfalls , amongst other things . I ran around it a few times , but Robert Downey Jr . was always on the opposite site as I was . Finally , I reached him . They were in the middle of filming , but he stopped when he saw me and said " I 'll always meet somebody ! " I handed him the yellow rose and said " Thank you . Thank you for what you do . " Then I ran back in the direction from which I came . Later , I was mad that I hadn 't stayed longer , because it seemed like he was friendly and would have talked to me more . When I saw my friends and family , I totally lied and told them all that Robert Downey Jr . had kissed me on the cheek . What a liar ! Such a fox ! I was with my family and we went to an AWESOME museum exhibit on moons . Everyone got a free action figure and a little boy asked if he could trade with me . I said yes . Also there was a large photo on the wall - a collage of various people hanging out with the " red sox coach " and it included a picture of me eating pancakes with him . I bragged a bit about that , and a girl got annoyed . I was with Reem and we skipped most of the museum and talked about boys and she cried because a boy was not getting her published like he said he would . We were talking with my family and my mouth was full of pins and coffee grinds , so I excused myself to take care of that . Then I was in a classroom situation , and we had a special guest - Michael Jackson ! He sat down next to me . He was really nice . I was so flustered - MICHAEL JACKSON is sitting next to me ! A girl was like , " What 's your problem ? " since I was all blush - y and I was like , " Michael Jackson ! ! ! " and she looked at me like I was stupid . I quickly updated my facebook status to let people know I was sitting next to Michael Jackson in class . A few people wrote things like , " Not funny " and I realized that MJ has been dead . This was not the actual Michael Jackson , but a guy who kind of looked like him and sounded like him . And everyone else was smart enough to get that but me . Then I was in a tattoo shop where my girlfriend worked . There was drama - the boss announced new pay rates and they sucked . My gf and her colleague told me about a big screw - up they had . They were doing a piece on a " cheerleader who was a Green Bay Packers fan who had lots of metal work in her mouth " . The piece was a " bowl of chili " and it looked like it was sliding off of her . I asked if the girl paid for it and they laughed and were like , " Yeah right . " ( this last part is from watching LA Ink ) . So I was hanging out with a bunch of random people , including the significant other of an ex - boss of mine who I never knew too well in real life . She was talking about how families suck and was like , " We all know what the " F " in family stands for , but what about the rest of it ? " We came up with " F . uckin ' A . . . . ( M ) . . . I . ll - mannered , L . oud ( Y ) . " I don 't remember the M or the Y . Somehow there was a list of adjectives with first letters that spelled out " family . " And it was really funny and clever . Stupid families ! My hub Mike ( M1 ) , our friends Mike ( M2 ) and Andy & I were chilling one evening and M1 & I suggested that we all take a bath together . It was super casual in my dream world , like asking if we should have a fire in the fire pit . I think the idea was basically a poor - man 's hot tub . So the boys get down to swim trunks and I 'm in a bra and undies and we 're wedged in our tub together , all in a row ( M1 in front , then me , then Andy , then M2 caboose - ing it ) . How sad . Andy said he 'd like to make some beans for us to share as a snack . He had this dehydrated bean mixture ( like a packet of oatmeal ) and planned to pour it into the tub , expecting that it would hydrate into a nice little floating pile of refried beans . I didn 't think it would work out this way and before I could warn him against the idea , I saw M2 behind him with dehydrated bean mess floating around everywhere . It was gross and the end result was the four of us steeping in a tub of refried beans . The end ! I was in the woods with 3 friends . I don 't know who they were . We were camping , but then saw some terrifying things . Evil Superheros were gathering , all in amazing costumes , flying , and easily killing things . We decided to join them and be spies . I had to wear a hat and wig so they wouldn 't recognize me as not one - of - them . We did a " practice run " of evil , that was surprisingly easy . We had to kill some small animals and I found that in this group 's presence I could kill easily and even fly a little . Not bad ! The woods we were hanging out in were really scary , with haunted trees and caves . These evil scary superheros were actually pretty cool . The leader was an extremely sexy woman . I came up to her and whispered in her ear that I would love to sleep with her and that I was really awesome in bed . Really . Somehow that worked , and she said , " Okay meet me at 3pm on Friday and we 'll do it then . " When the time came I was very excited and kept adjusting my hat and wig , and started to worry that she would find out that I was a mere mortal and not a superhero , though still good in bed . Unfortunately , she didn 't show up . Last night I had a dream that Tara made me dinner in my high school . She made " Beef Noodles " or " Beefy Noodles " or something like that . It had three ingredients , one of which I can 't remember . The other two were giant wide noodles which were really thick and beef that was the same shape as the noodles . Tara told me that before you cook the beef , you have to slice it in long diagonal lines with the knife moving towards you . Otherwise , it wouldn 't taste as good after it was cooked . There wasn 't enough time to eat more than two bites together , which is very similar to the fact that there 's never enough time for Tara and I to talk on the phone . Lame . I dreamed an entire episode of The Office . It was called " Survey Day , " and all the characters were in it , including me ! For most of the episode , there were a ton of businessmen in the lobby for a big meeting , and they were all sitting around in suits and carrying briefcases . I remember Meredith and Kelly being all excited about " all the men . " I saw Jim sandwiched between a bunch of other businessmen , and , of course , he was making faces at the camera . At one point , I was in a giant elevator with Pam and I 'd left my purse in the lobby , so we had to go up and don a lot to go get it . The elevator had two separate entrances right next to each other , but about ten feet apart . The elevator was like a room in itself , with plants and bookshelves everywhere . Part of the whole big meeting involved everybody filling out surveys , hence " Survey Day . " Each person had a personalized survey with their name on it and questions specific to their lives and jobs . I couldn 't find mine , so I decided to fill in all the answers as three - word phrases , like " Haste Makes Waste , " and also with Metallica album titles , like " Ride the Lightning . " In the dream , I kept having to double - check to make sure this episode hadn 't happened before . The other night , I had a really long - seeming dream . I meant to write it down last week but I forgot , so here are some of the details I remember : I was with my cousin Tony 's wife , Jill , and she was driving a van in the neighborhood of my work . She and I and a few other people kept trying to get somewhere , but we seemed to just stay in the same area , still driving . At one point , she brought us to her apartment in Madison , which was very long . She also had two dogs that were blonde and furry . As I looked at them , I thought to myself , " they 're just like ____ ( in my mind , a combination of bears ad pigs ) , but much fluffier ! " Later , I was back in the van with Rob , who I know here in Madison . We were with a third person who I didn 't know at the time . The third person said he needed to make a stop . We pulled over near these condos on the same street on which I work and he got out . Rob and I were talking , but out of the corner of my eye I saw the third guy standing outside the condos . It was Ozzy Osbourne ! He was wearing all black with round , black sunglasses , and he was aiming his remote car starter at a window on the 2nd or 3rd floor . I immediately recognized that as " the sign " for buying pot . Specifically from this guy who 's a concert promoter here in town . " Hey ! " I yelled indignantly . " He doesn 't get to buy pot now ! I 've got to get to work ! " I was in a hurry to leave , so I figured I 'd get out of the van and walk the 8 blocks to work . As I left , Rob gave me a gift - a tennis ball covered in rainbow - colored confetti and streamers . # 1 I dreamed that Harrison Ford and I were in college together , and he was himself he wasn 't any younger or anything . He and I were walking around trying to find where our dorms were and deciding on roommates . # 2 I dreamed that Linda ( my partner ) called me on the phone and told me to meet her at a new restaurant she found , which " serves both Italian and Mexican food , they also have a ' cheese selection ' . " ! So I go to meet her and she isn 't there yet , so then I also apparently LIVE in the back of this restaurant , and I have a girlfriend in addition to Linda and in my dream I am not troubled by this . So I go down this dirty hallway past the kitchen and go into my apartment . The room is dimly lit and there is a canopy bed with lots of heavy velvet curtains . My girlfriend is on the bed reading and she says " Well it wasn 't that bad , it 's for teens " referring to the book she was reading , which was Twilight . My dream this morning was so confusing . I was in my parents ' family room , laying on the floor beneath two giant comforters ; one was the black and white one I have here in Madison , the other was the rainbow - colored hearts one that Sara had on her bed as a kid and is now in my parents ' storage room in the basement . I was half trying to sleep and half trying to find several electronics , including my gray hair dryer , my red cd player , and a few other things with long and tangled cords . Everything was all messed up and confusing under the comforters and I couldn 't find anything I wanted - I was so frustrated . During one of the moments in which I was trying to sleep , however , my mom entered the room through the door from the garage , all dressed in a smart black and white pinstriped skirt suit . She said " I 'll be back from work around 10 : 45 . " But I couldn 't figure out if she was talking about AM or PM , and whether it was AM or PM at the moment . As I kept wishing I could sleep , I noticed that the rest of my family had entered the area . Dad stayed in the kitchen , reading the paper I think . Emil and Sara were both in the family room . Sara was cooking breakfast at the stove ( which was also in the family room ) , which made me believe it was AM . She was also talking to herself a lot as she stared at the pan on the stove , saying things like " No , I won 't have one . Okay I will . Just put it aside for me . I don 't know , I 'm not sure . Just get one for yourself . Put that one over there . " I looked at Emil , confused , and asked why she was talking to herself . To which he replied " It 's probably because she used to live at that Applebee 's . " Sara turned to us and said " Oh yeah , I remember , with like 5 other people . " So confusing . I went to high school ( I AM ALWAYS IN HIGH SCHOOL IN DREAMS ! ) and it was super chaotic , but no one would tell me what was going on . I tried to ask a teacher , and she laughed like I was making a joke . After all , how could I * not * know that it was the apocolypse ? We weren 't allowed to leave , but I needed to see my family . So I ran to my car and drove down a street where all these scary guys in black and orange uniforms were shooting at me with machine guns . Actually they were shooting everywhere . Somehow I managed to get back to the school safe and sound . The people there were like , " Uh , yeah DUH you 're not supposed to be driving around cuz you 'll OBVIOUSLY get shot . " Some people called them terrorists . But it almost seemed like they were not quite human . They were taking over the area and just shooting up everything and everybody . Their war tactics were superior to anything we had , and all police interventions were futile . I dove through some bushes and wore all black . I crept up upon them . I wanted to check out these assholes up close . Almost immediately they caught me . I threw my hands up . " I SURRENDUR ! " I started to beg for my life and started to bargain with one of the more sympathetic seeming dudes . I told him I had not only a regular DVD player to give him that he could sell , but I also had a fancy DVD player that could play VHS , DVDs , and some 3rd type of technology . He seemed interested and hesitated . I also offered him my body which he was not interested in . He let me walk ahead of him to give him these goods . Then some of his war buddies started shouting - they needed his help . " Wait here ! " he commanded . But as soon as he turned the corner , I RAN as fast as I could , into a random house and hid in a closet . Last night I dreamt that Reem and I were at a Sephora type store looking specifically for foundation . Trouble was that each brand only had like one bottle of foundation . Some were in locked cases . There were not an array of skin tones , it was like you just had to wander around and hope to find a brand that happened to have a bottle of foundation that was close to your skin tone . So I asked a very gay store clerk ( Latino wearing mandarin collar leather jacket ) why there were no brands with a selection of foundation . He said " Well after 9 - 11 women just stopped buying foundation " . Later Reem and I were looking around and the gay store clerks were like freaking out over how good her eye shadow looked . And it DID look great . In my dream I was thinking " WOW Reem combined so many elements and it really makes her eyes look beautiful " . What Reem had done was put a different color of eye shadow on each eyelid . On one eye was bright blue on the other was a green blue . She had then blended some grey in the corners and over it she put this very sheer grey silver glitter . After that in my dream I came to the realization that I look a lot better in more of a matte or stain lip stick than I do in a gloss . I think that might be true in real life . I dreamed I was at a " rock n ' roll " concert . It was a Guns N Roses concert from the 80s . Poison opened for them , but that was no big deal . When GnR got on stage , I was somehow able to watch from an angle so I could see the audience . Bret Michaels ( singer of Poison ) was there watching , and he was totally rocking out . He was wearing his signature bandana around his head , along with some kind of cartoonish pajama pants . He loved GnR . You could tell that it was the greatest thing he 'd ever seen . But you could also tell that he was sort of a pansy in a band that looked like a bunch of ladies . In my dream , I had concrete proof as to why golf was so sucky . I have no idea what it was . I also dreamed I had a UTI ( TMI , right ? ) and the doctor called my mom to tell her about it . My Dad perscribed me some medicine and I had to drive an hour over a bridge that looked like the Golden Gate Bridge to the area south of Chicago . The sky and lake were sparkling blue and everything was beautiful , but the UTI really made it all annoying . The other night I had a dream that I was with my friend Wendy , standing on the front stoop of somebody 's house . This guy I know cam up to us , looking all shady , and held out a tiny silver shot glass . It was " a shot of crystal meth " and Wendy and I were supposed to share it . I decided not to take it , since I had to go to work soon . I 'm so boring . . . mike and i were at a wedding reception , i think , with our favorite band and their girlfriends and crew . they were guests , too . we were all dressed up , sipping cocktails in a giant , old ballroom , having a grand time . good ol ' friendsies . the next day i was snooping around the venue and was in a large office - y storage area . it was all white with lots of windows wrapped around it and some desks and boxes scattered here and there . somehow , i realized that i could fly . i sort of leaped off something and soared by curving my spine and arms . i believe this was based on a real - life experience where i tried one of those sky - diving simulators and you bend and arch and such to speed your fall or slow it down . the large room had those weird , white ceiling tiles and i accidentally soared up too quickly and bumped into the ceiling which caused the ceiling tiles of the whole room to shift off the grid . i felt sheepish and quietly left before anyone could come and notice . when describing this dream to mike today , two uncanny things occurred . first , when i was trying to compare the ballroom to one he could reference , i couldn 't think of the name of the damn eagles ballroom in oskhosh . he blindly guessed " the eagles ? " and i was all , " yeah ! . " that was only a little uncanny . but then ! he said that he had a dream about those white ceiling tiles , last night , too . ooooooo . something about installing them . so we were laying right next to each other dreaming about ceiling tiles . but i could fly and he couldn 't . and now , here 's a video of my favorite band , state radio . Yep , still AWOL for a bit . Sorry y ' all . I realized what I did to make my blog a hot mess . . . . accidentally deleted ALL the photos ! BAH ! Whoops a daisy . So . . . Oh wow , guys . I 've been doing some reconnaissance work lately . It 's been dangerous , stealthy , and risky . Why would I do it ? For you . To bring you the . . . I get very excited by fall . I actually get a buzz off of the air , no really I do ! I love it more than any season . I was on the phone with my friend Kate . . . |
Daughter is struggling this week . It started even before we left home . She packed her own bathroom things , and I didn 't check them . I did ask if she had specific things , like toothbrush , toothpaste , shampoo . Each time I asked , she 'd run back upstairs to the bathroom . That should have been a clue . This morning I realized that she hadn 't brought shower gel or a shower poof . Her showers the last two nights consisted of getting in and rinsing off . I handed her a bar of soap and wash cloth and made her take a shower this morning . . Yesterday afternoon one of the activities was viewing the movie , " To Kill a Mockingbird . " Not knowing the plot , I went in to watch it with Daughter . The family violence and racism triggered her PTSD . She did a craft yesterday afternoon , but her tremors are such right now that it was very difficult for her . Her aunt is going to help her with this afternoon 's craft , as the activity director warned me Daughter wouldn 't be able to handle it on her own . We both need a break from each other , so I recruited her aunt . . She 's struggling with staying awake in the classes she 's taking . She 's just tired over all . She 's sleeping right now , and I 'm not going to wake her up until right before it 's time for the craft . This afternoon 's movie shouldn 't bother her - - it 's Second Hand Lions . The weather is pleasantly cool . We 're having a campfire tonight , and that will feel good . Tonight 's worship service will be outdoors in the lake front chapel . That will be nice , too . . The community is supportive , and Daughter will probably adjust to being here right about the time we leave . Then we 'll get to start the adjustment all over again . It will be worth the frustration , though , as I 'm finding time for rest and renewal . . . . Posted by Daughter and I arrived at our conference yesterday afternoon . I 've been catching up with old friends and making new friends . I 'm learning about how to set up a web page for my congregation and resources for teaching prayer . I 'm eating food I didn 't cook , and I don 't have to clean up after meals ( I con Daughter into taking my dishes up to the dish line ) . I 'm sitting in worship for which I have absolutely no responsibility . I 'm doing this all in the most beautiful location - - there is a lake and lots of beautiful trees . Life doesn 't get much better . Tomorrow afternoon we will leave for 2 weeks . Our time away will begin with a conference . This is a conference we have attended for years , and it has become a community . There is a core group that is there every year , and others that come in and out . This is where people can come tell me that they 've seen progress in Daughter . This is where I can find a listening ear . This is where other people will watch out for Daughter , giving me a much needed break . At this conference center we will have a motel like room ( and they 're even providing a small refrigerator in our room for Daughter 's insulin ) , three meals a day that I don 't have to prepare or clean up , and an opportunity to learn new things and sharpen my skills for ministry . It also gives me an opportunity to reflect on the past year 's ministry . It is a wonderful way to wind down for vacation . We will go from there to a motel for 2 nights . We will have an opportunity to spend time with Dad . He is becoming more confused . He was doing really well for a while , but I think now the relief is past and the long reality is setting in , and he 's having a harder time . It will be good to have a couple of days to spend with him , and I 'm sure that we 'll eat plenty of good restaurant food with him . From there we will go to a state park and pitch our tent and camp for 6 nights . We are going back to campground we have stayed at many times before . We will go hiking . We will take scenic drives . We will search for fossils . We will attend a concert . We will cook over the campfire . Even Daughter is excited about it ( at least at times ) . Vacation , with its unstructured time , is hard on her . We haven 't been camping in three years , because she hasn 't been stable enough to handle it . Or maybe it 's been because I 've been too exhausted to deal with the challenge of keeping her on an even keel while camping . We are going far enough north that I hope the weather will be cooler . Usually it 's warm enough during the day to swim in one of the many lakes in the area and cool enough at night that tPosted by We are getting some furniture from my parents ' apartment today , so yesterday I was doing some cleaning / rearranging to make room for it . As I cleared off a card table in my dining room ( which functions as a meeting room for the church ) , I noticed that the gift bags for shut - ins were too light . They were too light because someone had taken the candy , puzzle books , and other goodies out of them . . Since there are only two of us living in the house and I hadn 't touched them , it was pretty obvious Daughter had been into them . I asked her , and after the briefest of denials , she acknowledged what she 'd done . I pointed out she had stolen the items out of them . I have always comforted myself by telling myself that many kids with similar backgrounds / challenges , at least she doesn 't steal . She didn 't try to minimize what she 'd done , and seemed disturbed by it . Finally she said , " I didn 't know it was called stealing . " . I believe that . She knows stealing is wrong . She was outraged with UB when the money went missing from Dad 's checking account . Somehow , she never made the connection that removing everything from those gift bags was stealing . Once again , I am reminded that her brain is missing certain connections . Once again , I find myself wondering what the future holds for her . Posted by Daughter has 4 different doctors who prescribe medications for her : her family doctor , the endocrinologist ( diabetes ) , the neurologist ( epilepsy ) , and the psychiatrist . The family doctor is 12 miles away ( if we can catch her when she 's in the office near us ) , and the others are all at least 45 miles away , with the neurologist 100 miles away . She sees the neurologist twice a year and the endocrinologist 4 times a year . We 've seen the psychiatrist as often as every 2 weeks and when she 's stable have gone as long as 3 - 4 months between visits . She also sees therapist regularly . It is a constant balancing act , trying to get her the medical care she needs without spending all of our time running to appointments . Her doctors and I work hard to minimize the appointments as she has a tendency to play up her ailments . We want her to see herself as able . . A couple of months ago they tested everyone is hearing at the workshop . Daughter flunked . The nurse wanted me to take her to the doctor immediately . Daughter is able to hear the TV when it is turned down to a very low level , and I 've not seen any signs of hearing loss , so I decided not to make another appointment , but to mention it to her family doctor when I take her in for her meds . The nurse continues to bug Daughter about how she needs to get to the doctor because she can 't hear . I continue to assure Daughter we 'll get it taken care of . Today , I called and made the appointment with her doctor for next month . She needs a new physical for Special Olympics by July , and two of her prescriptions need renewal . . I 'm sure the nurse thinks I 'm neglecting Daughter 's health . In the last 2 weeks she 's had three appointments . I still need to schedule appointments for an eye exam and the dentist . The dentist wants me to get her wisdom teeth pulled . The closed oral surgeon who takes medicaid is over 100 miles away . They aren 't bothering her . It will be complicated because of her diabetes . I 'm not in a huge hurry . I 'm sure the dentist thinks I 'm neglecting her , too . . There are those wReverend Mom This afternoon I went and visited a woman who just lost her daughter to cancer . Her daughter was supposed to be dead 8 years ago , but was a strong woman who beat the odds . Even in November , when they started hospice , her doctor didn 't give her much time . Up until the last couple of weeks , she was still going . This woman I visited today has now buried her husband , 5 of her siblings , and now her daughter , not to mention parents and such . We were remembering her husband and sister today . When I look at what she has gone through , it makes my own grief seem minor . Most of my grieving was done before Mom 's death . I know I will grieve more in the weeks and months ahead , but I also know that there is much I can celebrate even in the midst of my grief . Daughter came home today and used her words to tell me about her grief . That is much easier to deal with than her acting out . We read a book about grief , and she rested with her head on my shoulder for a while . I 'm going to have to make time each day to nurture her as she continues to work through her grief . She wore a pair of Grandma 's socks today . My 4 year old niece is sleeping in one of Grandma 's t - shirts . She told Sister that it smelled like Grandma . Far Away Sister has arranged for the furniture I 'm getting from Mom and Dad to be delivered on Friday . I am very grateful . Now I need to go finish the newsletter , or Secretary will not be happy tomorrow morning . . . . Daughter accused me of abusing her tonight . What terrible thing had I done ? I went upstairs and took the remote out of the TV room . She has been avoiding cleaning her room and taking care of the load of whites in the dryer . She hates doing them both . I knew if the remote was up there , the temptation to sneak some TV would be strong . Seeking to avoid a scene , I removed the temptation . She had a screaming fit and accused me of abuse . She claims I don 't care about her , and has suggested I get lost . Some days I just can 't win . . . . There is a young woman who lives next door to me who is an avowed atheist . She also has Asperger 's , sensory integration issues , a genius IQ , major depression ( that at times leads to psychosis ) and a very dysfunctional family . She and I have managed to connect , probably because unlike most people around here , I accept her as she is and appreciate the talents and gifts she possesses . . The evening we got home from our time with family , she called me . She is vacationing in a major city , and was assaulted and raped by a stranger . Her physical injuries were minimal , fortunately . Her intellect saved her . She realized this guy wanted to think she liked him , so she quit struggling , and he quit beating her up . I told her how impressed I was with how well she was handling it , and encouraged her to write about it , as that is how she best processes situations . . She has called and emailed several times since . She is a country girl in the city , and can 't understand why the police haven 't caught him , why they have questioned her and doubted portions of her story , and why she has become a prisoner in her friend 's house until he is arrested . She tried to go out sightseeing on her own , and ran into him again on public transportation . She had the presence of mind to get his name and phone number before fleeing . She provided this to the police , which makes her even more frustrated by their inability to arrest him . . I wish I could go get her and bring her home , but distance makes that impossible . I have assured her that while I know she doesn 't believe in it , I 'm praying for her . Once she gets home I will take her out to breakfast and listen . I will continue to assure her that it 's not her fault and her feelings are completely natural . I will try to help her understand the actions of some of the other players in her drama . I will mourn the damage done to a remarkable young woman who is working hard to overcome her challenges and follow her dreams . I will encourage her to continue to pursue her dreams , and seek to give her some of the Reverend Mom A number of years ago I read an article that reported that scientists had determined that children 's whining is at a pitch that irritates the nerves . Of course , any parent could have told scientists that and saved them a great deal of time and trouble . Daughter is demonstrating this right now . I know it 's her way of grieving , but she is being incredibly annoying . She is complaining constantly about being dizzy , and being quite dramatic about staggering around . She doesn 't seem to be able to speak without whining . I know that she isn 't able to talk about her pain and grief , so they come out in physical symptoms . . I am not showing much sympathy for her physical symptoms - - in fact , I 'm pretty much ignoring them . I am encouraging her to talk about her feelings and grief , though , in the hopes that then she won 't have to feel sick . . We leave next Sunday for two weeks . I am behind starting out , and need to get so much done before we leave . I really need Daughter 's cooperation if we are going to get everything done . We aren 't done unpacking from our last trip , but we need to begin thinking about packing for our next trip , which will include 6 nights of tent camping . We haven 't camped for several years , so we need to go through all our equipment . . As hectic as this week will be , I 'm grateful we will be leaving next week . I 'm tired , and I 'm thinking that it is those two weeks we are gone that will really bring healing . The first week will be spent at a conference we have attended for years . It 's a safe community where Daughter is known and we are both supported . I 'm looking forward to the opportunity to get away and have some time to sit and reflect . Right now my goal is to get through this week . Next week I 'll have time and space to mourn . But not this week . Posted by It looks like Dad has more life left in him . His blood sugars are getting better , he 's doing his physical therapy . He has begun going to the bathroom without help . He 's supposed to be getting a walker with a seat , and he 's eager to get it so he can get out more and won 't need his walking chair . He had several visitors yesterday , and was pleased to see them all . . I 'm pleasantly surprised . The night of the Memorial Service as we waited in the ER , I didn 't think he 'd be with us much longer . I wondered if I 'd have to interrupt my vacation ( which begins June 29 ) . Today , I 'm not worried about my vacation being interrupted . He actually called me today - - and left a message when I didn 't answer . He 'd called Sister earlier , bragging about his blood sugar and his weight ( both of which were very good ) . . I wish I could say Daughter was adjusting as well . Today 's she 's moved from one spot to another , sleeping . When she walks around , she complains of being dizzy , or she cries . She showed some excitement about vacation earlier , but is back to sleeping now . Grandma 's death hit her hard . Maybe she really is sleep deprived , and will feel better for all the sleeping she is doing today . That is my hope , anyway . Posted by Today I received a report from Daughter 's endocrinologist . I had taken her in for her blood work earlier this month . One of the tests measures her average blood sugar over the last 3 months . Daughter 's last test had been her highest ever , and her blood sugars were all over the place , from sky high to lows that wouldn 't respond to treatment . . I took over her insulin once I figured out that she hadn 't been handling it properly , and I put an alarm on her bedroom door to stop the middle of the night snack runs . Her A1c is now 6 . 3 , which is fantastic . ( The target range for diabetics is less than 7 . 0 or 6 . 5 , depending on who you talk to . ) It works out to an average blood sugar of 129 ( normal is less than 120 ) . Needless to say , I am delighted . There have been times when I have been frustrated by the fact that I have had to take over so much of her diabetes care . But today , I saw the reward of my efforts in that little piece of paper from the endocrinologist . My hard work is protecting her from the complications that are so much a part of diabetes . . Perhaps most rewarding , there was a warning from the doctor to avoid low blood sugars . Daughter hasn 't been having any . I don 't remember her last low ! We 've achieved excellent control without low blood sugars . I needed some good news this week , and this definitely qualifies . Posted by We arrived home at about 7 : 30 tonight . I decided not to go to Niece 's dance recital . We wouldn 't have gotten home until after midnight if we 'd gone , and I am just exhausted . I slept for about 10 hours last night , and that helped some . . . . . Dad continues to sound congested . His blood sugar continues to be entirely too high . Yesterday we took him out to lunch . His blood sugar was 441 ( the meter in the ER read high after 475 ) . I more than tripled the insulin that was ordered , and he was still close to 400 at supper . If I hadn 't given him that extra insulin , we 'd have been back in the ER . Supposedly they were going to see about getting him breathing treatments , but nothing has happened yet . He tires very quickly , which is not a good sign , but not surprising . . We didn 't get the apartment cleaned out . I 'm still trying to figure out how to get the furniture I 'm getting down here . I have entirely too much to do in the next few days , which will be made more challenging because my brain is still not operating on all cylinders . . I appreciate all the prayers that have kept me going through this . In a week and a half I leave for study leave and vacation . I 'm hoping that the time away will be an opportunity to begin to heal and recover . Posted by Daughter had a rough day yesterday . She hadn 't slept well and her blood sugar was running high . She was clingy and needy . I nurtured and kept going . We didn 't go to church yesterday - - too exhausted and it would have been too complicated with her over at Sister 's house . We watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding on my computer last night . Neither one of us had seen it , and we both enjoyed it . . We spent about 3 hours with Dad yesterday afternoon . He is doing really well . When we walked in , he had an infomercial on TV . I grabbed the remote and turned to Encore Westerns or whatever it 's called . He used to enjoy watching their movies , but hasn 't in quite a while . We watched a western together , and after initially telling me how he doesn 't watch them anymore , he really enjoyed it . The assisted living place has a large , wrap - around front porch with lots of rocking chairs . We pushed him down there since it was a beautiful day . He decided to stay down there when we left , assuring me he could get back in for supper . I saw this engagement and interest as a very positive sign . . I 'm still not sure when we 'll head home . . . . Sister 's birthday is Wednesday , and Niece has a dance recital that evening . Sister would really like us to stay for that , but I really need to get home and get to work , too . I think at this point , we 'll probably just stay . Thanks , everyone , for your ongoing support . Posted by The Memorial Service for Mom was very nice . Daughter tried to escape several times , but managed to stick it out . Daughter and Far Away Niece ( who is 15 ) , both were sobbing at points . Dad did well , and was very pleased with the service . It was over an hour long , but had lots of music and such and was nice . We went over to see Dad yesterday evening ( I figured he 'd be exhausted and want to rest , but he wanted us to come over ) . While we were there , they did his evening blood sugar check . It was too high for the meter to read . Sister tried to page the doctor , but he didn 't respond . . The doctor had taken him off novolog , which is a fast acting insulin used to cover food . His blood sugars had been creeping up all week . He told Sister that his blood sugars were good . They weren 't . I ended up taking him to the Emergency Room . I dropped Daughter at Sister 's house . Far Away Sister came to the ER , too . His blood sugar was 490 . The ER doctor thought he 'd be admitted , but his doctor ( who finally responded to the ER page ) said to give him 10 units of novolog and start him back up on it . Of course , they didn 't have any novolog . I drove over to Sister 's house ( about a mile from the ER ) , and got Daughter 's novolog pen . Far Away Sister took him back to assisted living ( it was close to her hotel ) . It was after midnight , so Daughter chose to stay with Sister ( she was asleep with Sister and Niece in her king size bed ) . She didn 't get her Lantus ( long acting insulin ) last night , so I expected her blood sugar to be sky high this morning . It was a little high , but not bad , all things considered . . This morning Dad 's blood sugar is 112 . He 's tired , but asking me to bring him things . I 'm hoping Sister can drop off Daughter at Panera on her way to Niece 's dance recital dress rehearsal . Dad was a little confused about things yesterday , mixing up stories , time lines , and such . I think he 'll do fine while Far Away Sister and I are here and he 's getting lots of attention . I don 't know how he 'll do once we leave . . I decided not to go to church thReverend Mom This morning I 'm sitting in Panera . We 've eaten breakfast ( Daughter had a bagel with cream cheese , I had a breakfast sandwich ) . Daughter is on a roller coaster this morning . She wanted to write something to say at the Memorial Service , but couldn 't . Now she 's teary and pouty and just wanting to get out of here . In a little bit we 'll leave to go pick up Dad . . It was supposed to be a sunny day , but it 's rainy and humid . Daughter 's carefully straightened and curled hair is beginning to frizz . We tried . I 'm sure today will be a long day . Posted by I 'm writing this on Friday evening . I 'm not sure when I 'll get internet access to post it . But these are my thoughts as of now , and be warned , I 'm feeling very sorry for myself tonight . A death brings out all the worse in a family system . When we began discussing funeral plans months ago , anything I suggested was rejected , so I decided to stay out of it . Against my advice , they decided they didn 't want the standard funeral dinner the church offers , so my siblings have been doing all the things they shouldn 't have to worry about , including cooking multiple stewing hens and buying all the food and paper products . They 've decided that the church will be too small to hold all the people who want to pay tribute to Mom , so they 've rented a tent . They are creating a great deal of stress for themselves , and while I am staying out of it as much as I can , I am still catching the backlash . . Several times now we 've made plans , and then my sisters have changed them , failed to tell me about the changes , and been mad when I didn 't know about the change . Daughter and I are sleeping on air mattresses in Dad 's old apartment . We don 't have TV or internet access , and the first night we didn 't even have a working shower . Brother noticed it was broken but didn 't bother to turn in a maintenance request . The apartment is a disaster and there is much work to be done in it . Twice now my sisters have scheduled times to work in it and then cancelled at the last minute . So Daughter and I are here in the chaos , surrounded by reminders of Mom , and cut off from the outside world . . My siblings are collecting sympathy cards and calls . I 'm cut off from the internet , so I 'm not . I 've been able to get online briefly at Dad 's new assisted living place a couple of times , but I can 't do much since I 'm supposed to be visiting Dad and don 't want to spend much time on the internet - I do a few mindless things , but not much . . Daughter , predictably , is not coping well . This morning I washed her hair for her . It despReverend Mom Thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers . By the time I had found someone to cover the committal service , figured out a hymn sing for Sunday , done laundry , packed and done the other things I needed to do , we didn 't get here until 9 : 30 last night . I spent much of my time yesterday on the phone , pacing . By the time I got here and got my air mattress blown up , I was exhausted . . We 're sitting with Dad now in his new assisted living apartment . I had to call ATT to get his internet working , but I 'm now back online . I was going through withdrawal ! . The grief didn 't hit me until I got to the workshop to pick up Daughter , and told her . When I saw her face as I told her the news , we both ended up in tears . . I 'll have more to post later . For now , we 're doing okay . Posted by Mom died this morning . Dad had begun to recognize reality , calling me to tell me she had about a week left . I 've been pacing all morning as I make arrangements to leave town . Secretary has been wonderful . A colleague will handle the committal service I had tomorrow afternoon . In a few minutes I will head to town to tell Daughter and bring her home so she can help me pack . . Brother and Sister were both there when the nurse and hospice chaplain told Dad what had happened . He keeps asking them not to leave him . There will be a memorial service Saturday at noon at their church . Daughter and I should arrive this evening . Far Away Sister will fly in very early Thursday morning . . I am surprised by how well I 'm doing right now - - of course , I 'm busy focusing on everything that needs to be done and the needs of everyone else . At some point I 'm going to have to sit down and face it all , but for now it 's good to have things to keep me busy and occupied . I suspect that I won 't be posting regularly for a few days . Posted by Sister had a conversation with Dad last night . He explained to her that the doctor had prescribed antibiotics for Mom , and she was going to be fine . Sister expressed doubt about this report , but he was quite insistent . She called the doctor . " Is Dad confused ? Did you really prescribe antibiotics for Mom ? " . Dad is confused . We always thought he would die first . He has always had health problems . Mom has always been healthy . The nurse or one of us tell him something , and then he reworks it in his own mind . " She has less than 20 days , " becomes " She had about 30 days , but since she 's eating now she 'll be around much longer . " " She has a high fever , " becomes " She has an infection , so antibiotics will cure her . " . I 've encouraged Sister not to take away all his defense mechanisms . This morning Dad asked her , " How much time does your mother have ? " She told him not very long , and that Far Away Sister was making arrangements to fly in . He immediately shifted his focus to how nice it will be to see Far Away Sister . . He knows . He just doesn 't want to . It 's going to be very hard on him . I don 't anticipate him living long after she dies . Posted by Once again we are being told that Mom is near death . Once again she is not responding . Once again I am surprised by the level of grief I am experiencing . Once again I am struggling with whether I need to jump in the car and drive to her side . Once again I am going over the weekly schedule , thinking about what I need to get done early and what needs to be rearranged . . Once again I am struggling with my responsibility to my parents and my responsibility to my Daughter . Once again Daughter is struggling as she seeks to process all of this . Once again I sit waiting for the phone call . Once again . . . . My insurance company wants us to use their mail order pharmacy for all maintenance prescriptions . If we don 't , we have to pay more for our prescriptions . I dutifully transferred my prescriptions to them over a year ago . I really don 't want Daughter 's prescriptions coming through a mail order pharmacy , as she has 4 different doctors prescribing medication for her , and I 'd prefer to have a local pharmacist keeping tabs . The deciding factor , though , is that the mail order company does not take medicaid . Medicaid pays most of the copay , leaving us with a $ 2 copay on a few of her prescriptions . For us , it would be much more expensive to go mail order for her prescriptions . . I contacted the mail order pharmacy by email several months ago to ask if they 'd take her medicaid . They wrote back that they didn 't , but I could save money by transferring her prescriptions to them . No , I couldn 't . . Every time we fill her prescriptions at the pharmacy , I get a letter from the mail order pharmacy telling me how much I could have saved by using them . They send a letter , complete with . 44 postage , for each prescription . Last month I got 16 of them . That 's 7 . 04 not counting the cost of all the paper and generating the letters . I sent another email , telling them I would not be switching as she had medicaid , so they would be more expensive , and asking them to stop wasting money sending me the notifications . . Friday I received a message on my answering machine from someone at the Board of Pensions telling me I could save over $ 1 , 700 every three months if I 'd switch her prescriptions . Today , I received 7 more letters from the mail order pharmacy telling me I could save money by switching her prescriptions to them . . I give up . Posted by Dad 's blood sugar was high last night . He refused to tell the nurse what he 'd been into . She assured him she 'd find out . It turns out he ate another resident 's dessert and convinced another resident he hadn 't eaten and so ate part of his meal . The nurse told Sister about it today , and Dad just grinned . . In so many ways he reminds me of Daughter , or maybe Daughter reminds me of Dad . They both love food , and neither one is particularly concerned about the longterm implications of their diet . Daughter gets upset when she sees Dad doing things like that , and is furious when I point out that she does the same thing . . Daughter is very distressed with Mom and Dad 's declining health . Everytime I call Dad , his first question is about how Daughter is . They have a strong bond , for which I 'm grateful . I just wish they didn 't share a similar neglect of their health . Posted by Dad is in his new apartment at the assisted living facility . This once easy going man has suddenly become very demanding . He calls for an aide to hand him the remote control to his television . He called me yesterday and told me to call Brother and tell him to get over there . I explained that Brother was busy ( Brother had taken vacation time to get Dad moved and settled ) . He still insisted I call Brother , so I did . Brother was on a conference call for work , so I called Dad back and explained it again . . Yesterday afternoon Dad called me again . " Do you know where I am ? I just woke up from a nap and I don 't know where I am . " . Today they moved Mom into the room across the hall from him . The hospice nurse told him she had less than 20 days left . Sister told me that she noticed a marked decline in Mom over the past week . Dad told me that they initially thought Mom had 30 days , but now that she 's eating , she has more time left . . We think he might not be getting enough oxygen while he 's sleeping , so the doctor is going to check on that next week . . Sister and I both made vacation plans for the week of July 5 . I figure that will be the week Mom dies . . One day at a time . We will have the strength to face the challenges of each day . Posted by Dad called this morning . He sounded great . Dad doesn 't generally call us , and I had just spoken to him yesterday evening , so this was unusual . He was calling because he had exciting news he wanted to share : UB has an appointment for credit counseling tomorrow . Dad was so pleased . I could tell that he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders . . I think we are all relieved . Spouse kept complaining that it would be embarrassing to go for credit counseling . I was ready to tell spouse that going to jail , into bankruptcy , or losing their home would be more embarrassing , but fortunately that wasn 't necessary . I hadn 't had a conversation with Spouse , but Far Away Sister did , and Far Away Sister had been too angry to continue the conversation . Far Away Sister wanted me to call Spouse , and fill in the blanks , but instead I chose to call UB . I read UB the riot act , explaining that the lack of responsibility was having a negative impact on Dad 's health . I told UB that Spouse needed to be fully informed and told how generous and understanding Dad had been . I listened to all the excuses about why they had been too busy the last 5 1 / 2 months to schedule an appointment with a credit counselor . I didn 't buy that , and told UB to make the appointment and talk to Spouse . Apparently , UB heard me . I am the oldest , and am significantly older than my youngest siblings . I was often seen as a third parent . I made use of that authority yesterday . Most encouraging , UB is still speaking to me . I called Dad a while ago , and UB answered and was quite friendly and talkative . Spouse may not be speaking to any of us , but UB is . We can deal with that . . I had the opportunity to visit with 6 of the saints at one of the nursing homes in town today . I always enjoy my time with them . Today , I took them communion . It was wonderful to be able to visit with them . They are all such good people . . Daughter came home in a chipper mood this afternoon , and she got to work doing things without me saying a single word . I was impressed . Hopefully nReverend Mom Some of you who have been reading for a long time may remember that back in January I discovered that Unauthorized Borrower had been taking advantage of Dad financially . Dad rewrote his will , forgiving the loans he had given UB . We also told UB that credit counseling was a necessity . UB has been " too busy " to get the counseling . The stress is off UB , and we fear that UB is not doing the necessary things to get the finances in order . . Dad has decided to be generous lately . He has given several gifts of money to his kids . The first was just because , and the second was to help us go on vacation . Far Away Sister , who is the keeper of the money , suggested to Dad that he tell UB that the vacation money was contingent on beginning credit counseling . UB 's Spouse has expressed displeasure at this condition . We suspect Spouse doesn 't understand that Dad generously decided not to send UB to jail for theft . We suspect Spouse doesn 't know how much money was involved . . Dad listened to Spouse express disapproval of the conditions on the money . Dad is now hurt , and angry . Dad was discharged from the hospital today and moved into the new assisted living facility . Dad really didn 't want UB around . . I hope and pray that UB will get their financial life in order , and recognize how generous Dad has been . I hope Dad will live long enough to see UB do those things . I fear that there are breaks taking place in the family now that will be hard to heal . That grieves me . Posted by Sometimes Daughter just doesn 't make connections . She has times when cause and effect just aren 't in her tool kit . Today I picked her up to go see Therapist . She hadn 't realized she had another appointment this quickly , and she wasn 't pleased . . " It hasn 't been two weeks . " . " I know , but you haven 't been doing well . " . " That doesn 't make any difference . It hasn 't been two weeks . " . I filled Therapist in on my anger with her on Saturday . . Therapist reported after their session that Daughter couldn 't understand why I had been so angry , after all , she had told the truth . Therapist pointed out that she lied twice before telling the truth and caused me more work . Daughter just couldn 't comprehend my anger . . These are the kind of disconnects that make it so difficult for her to learn and acquire the skills she needs to live independently and work in the community . Posted by Yesterday Daughter had to remain in my line of vision at all times . It 's been a long time since I 've had to do that with her . I was reluctant to do it , because I didn 't want to be her target all day long . She has been so exhausting lately that much of the time I haven 't wanted her any where near me . It had become clear , though , that she was making very poor choices and could not be trusted at all . She was " stuck on stupid " and showed no desire to get unstuck . So , I went back to something I used to do a very long time ago - - telling her she had to keep herself where I could see her at all times . . Much to my surprise ( and relief ) , it wasn 't an exhausting day . In fact , as the day went on her mood lightened and she became more cooperative . Why would making her stay within my line of vision make her happy ? . My parents ongoing health issues have created much stress . ( As of now , Dad is out of ICU . The bleeding has stopped , but his hemoglobin is still low , so they 're still giving him more blood . Mom has not only regained the ability to swallow , she 's picking up the glass of ensure and feeding herself . ) Whenever she is stressed , Daughter regresses . I have also been stressed , and Daughter has been frightened . Am I going to keep her safe ? Can I keep her safe when I 'm so distracted ? Do I still love her ? . So , she 's testing me again . Yes , eventually I 'm going to figure out that she 's not taking her medication and that she 's sneaking food . Yes , I will rein her in when I need to to keep her safe . I am paying attention . I do still love her ( even when I 'm angry with her ) . She can relax . Life is okay . . She will continue to be on a short leash , but I think ( hope ) she is done escalating . I think when I made her stay in my line of vision yesterday , she was finally convinced that will continue to keep her safe - - even from herself . I get frustrated with her for not realizing she can trust me , and frustrated with myself for not recognizing what is going on sooner . Maybe eventually one of us ( or better both of us ) will learn . . . . I 'm a pastor and a mother . I was ordained in October of 1985 , and began serving this suburban congregation in October of 2010 . In March of 1990 I was asked to take an almost 3 year old " for the weekend . " Five years into the weekend I adopted her . Daughter carries a number of diagnoses : Reactive Attachment Disorder , Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , Central Auditory Processing Disorder , Bipolar , seizure disorder , and type 1 diabetes . She moved into a group home in November of 2011 . She attends a sheltered workshop and sings in the church choir . View my complete profile Daughter became my foster child in 1990 , shortly before she turned 3 , and I adopted her when she was 8 . Capital is a state capital in the midwest . In October of 2010 I became pastor of a church on the edge of town . Administrative Assistant is my keeper . She runs the office at the church , and at heart is an artist . She helps turn my crazy ideas into reality . Program is where Daughter spends most of her days . She does some piece work and participates in some classes and activities . She 'd like to get community employment , but still has some work to do to make that possible . Sister Best Friend and I met in seminary . We vacationed together for a number of years , and then she got married . We still do some cooperative worship planning . She seves a church less than an hour away . Far Away Sister is 4 . 5 years young than me . She lives across the country . She was an electrical engineer until she stayed home to raise Tall Niece and Nephew . Now that they are graduating , she is planning to become a high school math teacher . Sister is 10 years young than me . She is divorced and the mother of Short Niece . She lives in the same state as Capital . She is a teacher . Brother is 11 1 / 2 years younger than I am . He finally got married in February of 2009 . He lives near Sister . They are the parents of Baby Nephew . Not sure where to begin . This blog has been neglected since April . I have not felt the need to write here of vomit my drama onto these pages at all . My . . . |
Note . This page is text only for the time being . Photographs and graphics will be added at a later date . If you email me , I will contact you as soon as the page is updated . Go directly to : There were no signs to say we had entered Indonesia and if the traders hadn 't told us we would never have known . Once we had all crossed the river we had a short rest while everybody put their shoes and socks back on and then we all walked off into the jungle . The man in the survey office in Kuching was right when he said that we would never manage to find our own way . It is not because the path is badly defined , but that there were paths leading everywhere and thankfully the traders seemed to know where they were going . The going was very slippery and although I nearly fell over many times , I mostly managed to stay on my feet only actually falling over on one occasion when I slid down an embankment and the traders had to pull me up again . It rained on and off all day which didn 't help things very much but we plodded along , however the lacquered umbrella came in useful to keep me a dry . Louis had packed his umbrella and as we didn 't have time to stop and unpack it , he just got wetter and wetter as the day went on . If we thought the log bridges over the rivers in Sarawak were bad , by comparison to the Indonesian ones they had been positively luxurious . The bridges here were just single felled trees with not even a handrail . The traders , who were carrying much larger loads than us were used to them and just took them in their stride , walking across them as though they were strolling along a pavement . To us it was a bit more difficult and the traders would help by cutting large branches for us to us to steady ourselves with as we inched our way over river after river . On one occasion as I was carefully inching myself over one river , a dog came across from the opposite direction and when we met in the middle of the log the dog just started growling and barking at me as if to say " get out of my way " . There was no way I could turn around as I was only just able to keep my balance on the slippery tree trunk , nor did there seem any way that the dog was going to turn back either . It just kept barking and growling . The othOne of the villagers spoke a bit of English and as we sat around that evening the young children came in and just stared at us . He explained that the children had never left their village yet and for most of them we were the first Europeans they had seen . To celebrate our arrival he got down a box of cream crackers that he had been saving for a special occasion and we were surprised to see that it was an English box made by Jacobs Biscuits in Liverpool . It was a sealed tin box and I don 't know how long he had had it for , but judging by the old fashioned design of the label it must have been a long time . Nonetheless once he broke the seal the crackers inside were as fresh as if they had been made yesterday and we all enjoyed them . We got out one of the jars of peanut butter to put on them and the villagers liked it so much we decided to let them keep the jar . The next day at first light we were up early with the rest of the longhouse occupants . They gave us breakfast that consisted of coffee and fried eggs . The eggs had been cooked over an open fire and were all burned at the edges , but they were absolutely delicious . The traders came along to collect us shortly after 8 o ' clock and we set off for what was going to be the harder day of the two . We used to walk for 50 minutes and rest for 10 minutes , and this worked well for the morning , but by lunchtime we were all feeling exhausted . We had run out of the boiled drinking water we had brought from Serekin and had to fill our bottles with river water , to which we added some purification tablets to make it safe to drink . It may have been safe to drink , but it tasted awful . Lou started to object to the pace and he took more frequent breaks , however the traders didn 't stop to wait for him . Fortunately the path was much better defined in this part because there was a reasonable amount of foot traffic between Kampong Babong and Siluas . We would meet people going the other way on average once an hour , and for a jungle path that is busy . So we weren 't so worried about him lWhen we got on board I couldn 't find the bananas . I couldn 't understand why Herman was laughing so much until I realised that there was a monkey on a leash wandering around the boat and it must have eaten all the bananas while we were waiting to get on board . We eventually left at 3 . 30 in the afternoon and chugged down the river until it started to get dark at about 6 . 30 when we pulled into the bank and tied up for the night . The soldiers cooked a meal and then we settled down for the night . It was a most uncomfortable night 's sleep . I had to sleep across 3 different height planks with a 6 inch gap between each of them . To make matters worse , the monkey drove me mad during the night . The soldiers helped Lou and I erect our mosquito nets , which was just as well , because the air was thick with the things and we would have been bitten to hell without them . I think it was the net that annoyed the monkey so much . At 6 am the soldiers started to prepare breakfast . It was still dark , but by the time we had finished breakfast it was light enough to get moving again . At 11 . 30 we stopped at a village . There were no roads to the village and the river was the main form of transport for the people who lived there . We seemed to be the main attraction that morning as people gathered around to look at us and one person gave us all a drink of cocoa and some biscuits by . We wandered around and it soon became obvious that the main product of this village was rubber . Everywhere there were slabs of latex rubber being rolled out ready for sale and transport down the river . Doug got too near to one young girl and she jumped away in fright . I don 't suppose they saw too many foreigners like us passing through . Further down river we stopped at a small riverside shop and bought a large pineapple for just 10 rupiah . The soldiers cut it up for us and we all enjoyed some . It was the Indonesian equivalent of Sarawak pineapple and I ate too much of it , so I had a sore mouth for a short while . As we got nearer to Sambas the river became much busier and boats were buzzing up and down the river all the time . After all , there were very few roads and the river was the main artery for transport . Just after 2 o ' clock we docked at the military barracks in Sambas . Herman enquired as to where the immigration office was and was told that the nearest one was in Pontianak . He took his orders into the barracks office and they allocated him a Russian made jeep to take us there . We were delighted because our transport was laid on and it would save us having to get there ourselves . I think Herman was also happy for the break . Before leaving Sambas he drove us to the house of a friend where we were all made welcome . The friend seemed happy to see Herman and we were all invited to stay for our evening meal , which turned out to be a fantastic banquet The friend and his family spoke good English and we had a great evening . We were all invited to stay the night , but Herman said he would probably get into trouble if he didn 't get moving that night and so it was quite late before we left for the drive to Pontianak . The road to Pontianak was one of the worst I have ever been on . It was full of potholes and bumps and we were being thrown all over the place in the back of the jeep . Yvonne had the front seat next to the driver and even she was finding it uncomfortable . We found that the best place to be was standing up on the tailboard of the jeep , but there was only room on the tailboard for two of us at a time . So we agreed to swap around every 15 minutes , that way we each had 30 minutes outside and 15 minutes inside . There was no other traffic on the road except for the occasional bus going the other way . We got to a town called Sinkwang at 11 o ' clock and the place was deserted . Herman drove to the local barracks where he filled up the fuel tank for the rest of the journey . Although we hadn 't travelled too far , most of the driving was in second gear , so the fuel consumption would not be too good . He tried to get permission to spend the night in the barracks , but was told that he had to go on to Pontianak that night . Before setting off again we rearranged the luggage to make it more comfortable for the person riding inside . At 1 . 30 we stopped at a roadside stall for a cup of coffee . The road from here was in reasonably good condition , but a fog had rolled in and we still couldn 't go too fast . At least it wasn 't bumpy now and we could sit inside in comfort , which was just as well because it was freezing outside , which was amazing because we were only a few miles from the equator . Just before 3 , Herman pulled up at a monument at the side of the road . This was the equator . It was freezing cold and the fog was thick and we were beginning to wonder if he had taken us to the South Pole by mistake . We walked backwards and forwards over the equator at least 6 times , the we took some flash photographs of the monument before carrying on for the last 3 kilometres into Pontianak . Just outside the town there was a ferry over the river , but at this time of morning it wasn 't running . There was a guy with a small boat who rowed us over the river for 20 rupiah each . We left our luggage in the jeep with Herman and went on into Pontianak on foot , arranging to meet him at the immigration office in the morning when he could get across . We found an all night coffee stand and sat there and wrote some letters home until the sun came up . We then tried to find the immigration office ( immigrasi ) and after a bit of difficulty we found it . It was closed , but because we had nothing better to do we sat on the step and waited for them to open . Eventually they arrived and opened up , but it still took over 2 hours to sort things out . They didn 't usWednesday 5th March 1969 . In the morning we were woken by Doug , who was anxious to get to the shipping office early to make sure we got tickets . We all got there for 8 . 15 ready to buy the tickets , only to be told that the boat wasn 't going until Friday . We were disappointed , especially so because Pontianak was not a very nice place to hang around . It was a dirty town and there was very little to see . When I had gone to get washed before coming out , I noticed that there were turds floating on the surface of the river water that was being pumped up for washing . The toilets were just upstream and somebody must have been in there . That put me off washing while I stayed in that hotel , and made me even more determined to want to leave . One thing the town did have in its favour was that the people there were extremely friendly . While sitting in a cafe and waiting for Louis to come back from the post office , two boys came over to talk to me and bought me a coffee . When Louis got back they took us in their car around all the shipping offices , many of which we didn 't even know existed . Eventually we managed to find a ship going to Semarang at 2 pm today . Semarang is half way along the north coast of Java . Even though it was a fair distance from Djakarta , we were only too glad to get out of Pontianak . The fare was 2250 rupiah and we bought the tickets straight away . We enquired and found that there was room for Doug and Yvonne too . The boys took us back to the hotel where we managed to find Doug and Yvonne to tell them the news , but they decided to stay behind and wait for the ship on Friday . They had met a missionary who had invited them to come and stay for a few days and they had decided to take him up on their offer . We packed our bags and checked out of the hotel . I went to the bank to try to change some money , but the bank charges were very high . They wanted to charge me 8 % and all the banks in the area seemed to have the same charges , so I just changed the $ 5 Canadian that I had . It would give us enough to get by untOver the next few days I managed to read 3 books . There was very little to do . We eventually arrived in Semarang during the early hours of Sunday morning , 9th February , but we had to wait until after 11 before the immigration came on board to check everybody 's papers before we were finally allowed to leave the ship . At the dock gated we had to go through customs and they searched our bags quite thoroughly . When we asked the policeman at the gate for some directions to the way out of town , he arranged for a police car to take us to the bus station . At the bus station we found an old man who spoke really good English . He gave us directions to find our way out of town . While we were walking along a car stopped for us . The driver was Dutch and the passenger was Swedish who introduced himself as Danny . We would come across Danny again , but for now they gave us a lift out of town to where we could start to hitch hike to Djakarta . Our first lift took us a short distance to a small village , then we got a lift to the next village from some military policemen , who took us back to their barracks and gave us a cold drink before stopping a Land Rover to arrange a lift for us . The Land Rover belonged to Ciba , a Swiss company and the driver spoke good English . He took us about 120 km to Tegel , where he dropped us outside what he called a cheap hotel . When we enquired how much it was , it turned out to be well out of our budget , but we found another hotel just around the corner for 250 rupiah for the room . We went out for a meal and each of us had of mi soup , which is a giant bowl of chicken noodle soup , similar to the soup Chinoise we had enjoyed so much in Cambodia . After our meal we looked around the local market and got talking to a boy called Mahmoud . He invited us back to his house where he was having a party that night . When we got back to his home with him and there were about 20 of his friend there . Drinks and food flowed freely all evening and we stayed until about 11 , then went back to our hotel . When we had checked inWe went to the Hotel Indonesia . There was a post office in the lobby and we wanted to buy some postage stamps . When we left the sky was getting dark and it looked as though it was about to pour with rain . We crossed the road and were just passing the British Embassy when the first drops started to fall . We decided to dash into the Embassy for cover and while waiting for the rain to stop we were able to read some English newspapers . Also in the Embassy at the time was Jeff Gough , who we had met in Tehran . He had almost run out of money and was in the Embassy to try to get them to arrange for some money to be sent from his family in Argentina . We all went out for lunch together and we introduced him to our favourite - mi soup . He told us that his father was the chairman of the Buenos Aires branch of the British American Tobacco Company and it didn 't sound as though he was short of money . Geoff had been travelling for years and we got the feeling that whenever he ran out of money , his father would always send him some more . We chatted with him all afternoon and into the evening , we even had supper together before seeing him onto the bus back to where he was staying . The next day Nan had organised a bus tour for the IYHA and he invited us to join them . At 7am we walked around to the police hotel where a very influential crowd had gathered . We were introduced to the commissioner of police and many other officials before we set off at 8 . 30 to Serang . At Serang we stopped at the police headquarters where they had laid on refreshments for us all . We then set off to Banten , the coastal area where the Dutch first landed to trade . We were taken to have a look around the ruins of an old Dutch fortress and we visited a Chinese Temple . The bus then stopped beside a small lake and the ladies then laid out a wonderful picnic . I think everybody must have brought something along because the variety and amount of food was really superb . Even though it was all cold food we still enjoyed ourselves . After lunch we visited the grand moOn the way back to Djakarta somebody got out a guitar and started singing and everybody on the bus joined in . They sang all sorts of songs including pop songs that were familiar to us . When we were in Siluas I recorded the soldiers singing a song that sounded like ' allo Bandung ' ( please excuse the spelling ) and while they were singing it they all stood to attention . I don 't think it is the national anthem , but it must be some sort of patriotic song because when they played it on the bus , everybody joined in with gusto . When we got back to the police hotel , everybody went inside and we were all given drinks , then somebody made a speech . Afterwards they all drifted away and we walked back to Jalan Djaksa with Nan where his wife made us a nice supper . First thing the next morning we went back to the Portuguese Embassy to collect our passports , then Louis and I split up to look around Djakarta on our own . There wasn 't much to see and I got the impression that it was of a very dirty city . I met an American girl who was flying home that day . She was looking for a bank to change some surplus Indonesian money back into dollars . Everywhere she went the referred her to somewhere else . It was beginning to look as though nobody wanted to change the money back again . She had 2500 rupiah to change and I gave her US $ 6 for it , which she was happy to get . It was a good deal for both of us . We had a cup of coffee and chatted for about an hour before she had to leave for the airport . I was still not happy with the light meter on my camera and decided to run off a roll of black and white film to test it . Nan was a keen photographer and he had a darkroom at home that he said I could use to process the film . I bought a film and started taking lots of pictures of subjects in varying light conditions , then I went back to the house to develop the film . I put the film in the developing tank that Nan had lent me and while I was developing the film , Jeff arrived followed soon after by Louis . Jeff was very happy with himself because when theThe ferry arrives in Bali at Gilimanuk which is still 125 km from Denpasar , so we still had a few hours more to go . At every village we went through there were temples with the most exquisite and intricate carvings . Outside each one there was what seemed to be a carving of a lion standing up on two legs and wrapped around each one was a chequered cloth . We later found out that the following day was the Balinese New Year . The festival of Njepi was due to start the next day and the chequered cloth was only put out for holidays and celebrations . We also saw a number of bare breasted ladies . We had heard that village women in Bali went around bare breasted , but we thought it was a myth and we didn 't expect to see it for ourselves . In fact it only seemed to be older women who went bare breasted . Much to our dismay the younger ones kept themselves covered up . Eventually we arrived in Denpasar at 6pm . Nan had recommended a number of hotels to us and we decided to try the Hotel Kesuma first of all because it was the nearest one to the bus station . Bob and Ron hired a donkey cart to carry his luggage , but not ones to waste an opportunity the four of us piled our luggage into the cart and walked along behind it to the hotel . The hotel had a room for three people available for 100 rupiah each . The fourth person was welcome to sleep in the lounge on the couch for free , which suited Louis nicely . I shared the room with Bob and Ron , and we even allowed Louis to leave his luggage in our room . We all went out to have something to eat . Lou and I were quite happy to have mi soup in the market , but Bob and Ron wanted something else , so we split up and let them go find somewhere a bit more up market . When we got back to the hotel I found that I was locked out of the room because Bob had the key in his pocket , so I went to sleep on the other couch until the others came back about half an hour later . Wednesday 19th March 1969 The next day the owner warned us that the Balinese Hindu New Year festival of Njepi was due to start at mid day . That afternoon there would be celebrations and cock fights all over the place but he following day was to be a day of complete silence all over Bali . He advised us that tomorrow everything in Bali was going to be closed . There wouldn 't be any transport running and in the evening we wouldn 't be allowed to put any lights on in the hotel . He offered to provide meals for us because we wouldn 't be able to buy food anywhere else . Louis went to the tourist office to get some information , while I went to the post office to collect our mail , but the post office was now closed until Saturday . Opposite the post office is a large park where there were a number of gamalan bands playing . I decided it would be good to record it so I dashed back to the hotel to get my cassette recorder only to find that Bob had gone off again with the key in his pocket . I was able to climb through the window and get the recorder , but by the time I returned , the music had stopped . We met an English guy who was from Wallasey . He had been working in Malaysia and spoke fluent Malaysian , which is very similar to Indonesian . He said the difference between the two languages is was like comparing English with Scottish , basically the same language with a different accent and a few different phrases . We then bought some iced fruits for just 10 rupiah , before going to look around a temple that appeared to have been carved out of coral . Afterwards Bob bought us all an ice cream . We the all went to eat . Bob bought us a meal called gado gado . It is one of the national dishes of Indonesia and consists of cooked mixed vegetables in a peanut sauce . Because each chef has his own way of making it there are many different flavours of gado gado and this one was not one of the best I had tasted . Another national dish is nasi goreng . Literally translated this means fried rice , but the rice is cooked with chopped meat , onions , egg and spices and it tastes deWe went back to the hotel and were sitting there when Ron returned and told us that they had met a friend who had offered to take them up to the mountains for a few days . They took their bags , paid their bill and went straight away . They left some luggage that they wouldn 't need while they were away and we agreed to look after it for them . That evening we went out to watch the celebrations in the park . We could hear the firecrackers going off before we got there , but by the time we arrived they had finished and the crowd was dispersing , so we went back to the hotel and listened to the BBC news before going to bed . The next morning was very strange . Denpasar has a sort of inner ring road and there is a one way system that runs around the town which is normally teeming with traffic . The hotel was on that road and the distant rumble of traffic could always be heard in the background . This morning it was so quiet that you could hear the insects buzzing . After breakfast we decided that because everywhere was closed we would walk to the Bali Beach Hotel , 6 km away . The owner made us a packed lunch and we set off walking . There were a few people about , but there was no traffic at all , not even a bicycle and everywhere was so quiet . It certainly was a day of silence . It was very hot and it took us about 90 minutes to get to the Bali Beach Hotel , which was one of the luxury hotels that President Sukarno had build in the early 60s . Now that he was no longer ' president for life ' ( he was still alive , but they took the ' for life ' title away from him when he was removed from office in 1967 ) the hotel was being run by the Intercontinental Group of hotels , but there weren 't many people staying there . We walked through the hotel lobby and through the gardens onto the beach without being challenged and sat on the sun loungers that were provided for the guests . And that is where we spent the day . As for the guests , well tourism in Indonesia was still in its infancy and there just weren 't many of them around . We met a Frenchman who The next morning things were back to normal again and everywhere except for government offices was open again . Louis got up early and had gone to have breakfast at a restaurant called the Three Sisters . He left directions and said he would wait there for me . I was just about to leave when Bob and Ron arrived back . I waited for them to get settled in then we all went together to join Louis . The Three Sisters is a small restaurant situated near to the Adi Yasa hotel and it was a fair distance to walk . There was no sign outside saying the name of the place , nor was it written anywhere else . It got its name from the fact that it was run by three ladies . Whether or not they really were sisters , I don 't know but it was the place that most of the backpackers would hang out and we came across quite a few people we had met earlier on our travels . We asked the other travellers how they had managed to get from Singapore to Indonesia and that was when we found out about the hydrofoil from Singapore to Tandjung Pinang . It seemed to be common knowledge on the grapevine and we still don 't know why we not found out about it until now . When we had eaten and we came to pay for our meals , Bob 's meal came to 65 rupiah . He paid with a 100 rupiah note and told the girl to keep the change . When we pointed out that his tip was more than 50 % , his attitude was that it was only worth 30 cents , it was hardly anything at all . All the backpackers were annoyed and pointed out that he was spoiling it for others . If everybody started doing that , the price would soon become 100 rupiah to everybody , including the locals . He was fuelling inflation , but he couldn 't see the point . Unfortunately as more and more tourists ( as opposed to backpackers ) arrived in Bali , this is exactly what did happen . By 1971 prices had increased by about 300 % , but even at those higher prices , things were still cheap . We then went over to have a look at the Adi Yasa hotel where most of the backpackers were staying . It was double the price we were paying and was set in somThe alternative was to hop from island to island along the Lesser Sundas chain , or Nusa Tengara as the island chain is called in Indonesian . That would involve having to renew our visas because we only had 10 days left and to hop the island chain would take a lot longer than that . Nobody could tell us what if any boats ferried between the islands and what transport there was across them . We hadn 't met anybody who had come that way so there was a big uncertainty over that route . We visited immigration and found that it would cost 6200 rupiah each to extend our visas for any period even for just one day . I went back and discussed it with Louis and we agreed to catch the plane . We went back to the Garuda office and booked for the next available flight . There were two flights a week and the mid week flight was full , so we made reservations for next Saturday 's flight . That would only give us 2 days to get across Timor to the Portuguese border . From what we had heard , that would be very tight , but the good news was that we could get ourselves stamped out in Kupang before going to the border , so we would gain a few days . We didn 't have to pay for the flight until three days before , so if something else came up before then we could take it . We now had a week to enjoy in Bali . It was a beautiful place and we would have liked to go out to Mount Gunung Agung and some of the outlying villages , but at that time public transport was almost non existent and private taxis were outside our budget , so we decided to hang around in Denpasar . We ate most of our meals at the Three Sisters . One day the one of the sisters told us about a funeral that was due to take place . The man who 's funeral it was had died a year ago and his body had been preserved all this time . It was very considered to be very virtuous in Bali to have a funeral a year after death , but only very rich people could afford it . Not only that , it was regarded as a very happy day and she said the family would no doubt be honoured if we all went along . So off we all trooKuta Beach was completely deserted . There were no buildings and as far as we could see we were the only people there . The surf was too strong for fishermen to use that beach and so we had the whole place to ourselves and it was really beautiful . A couple of times during the day a young boy would come by selling fresh coconuts . For just 25 rupiah he would cut the coconuts open for us first to drink the milk , then he cut a piece of the husk into a spoon shape so we could use it to eat the flesh . It was just as well that he came by frequently because there was nowhere else around for us to buy any food or drink . The surf was good too , but I found the sea water to be extremely salty than usual and it stung my eyes . Somebody suggested playing rugby with one of the coconut shells , but Doug managed to talk them out of it . I reckon he was thinking of a similar game in Penang . We stayed at Kuta to watch a really beautiful sunset before starting to walk back to Denpasar . I found that I had got sunburned for the first time in my life . I have dark skin and had never been troubled by sunburn before . An passing empty taxi stopped for us and we managed to bargain him down to 100 rupiah between the 5 of us going back to the Kesuma , and he dropped us right outside the door of the hotel . That evening Louis was suffering from stomach pains and didn 't want to leave the hotel , so I went out to eat by myself . The others had gone to watch a Chinese film at the local cinema but I didn 't fancy it . From the reports I got when they all returned , I had done well by not going . Danny , the Swedish guy who had given us a lift out of Semerang arrived and booked in to the Kesuma . He had managed to learn to speak Indonesian and by all indications he was pretty fluent . Danny was a pretty arrogant sort of character but he had the gift of being able to get his own way every time . He had become pretty well connected in Indonesia and had travelled all around , but now like us he was heading to Australia . At one time he had arranged to go to West Irian ( The next morning at 2 . 15am we were woken up by one of the hotel staff . The poor guy was terrified that we would yell at him and after shaking us awake he ran out of the room . It was then that we saw he was being egged on by Loleks . We managed to get up when the alarm went at 2 . 30 and the hotel owner was waiting for us with a complimentary cup of coffee . We left the hotel at 3 . 15 and walked through the deserted streets arriving at the Garuda office in just 10 minutes only to find the place deserted . There was a bus parked outside and we got on to wait for somebody to come . The staff arrived at 3 . 55 and the bus moved off at 4 o ' clock prompt , but we only drove to the bus station where everybody piled off to have breakfast . We joined them and at 4 . 30 the bus moved off again and drove around town before stopping back at the Garuda office to pick up some more staff before going on to the airport . We checked in and went into the lounge to wait for the flight . Lou had met the pilot and he had invited us both into the crew lounge where we had a bit more breakfast . Engineers were just changing one of the instruments on the plane and departure was delayed for an hour , but at 6 . 15 we all boarded the ancient DC3 aircraft . The seating was just deck chair like canvas seats and the seat belt went across both seats . There was no interior decoration and we could see all the luggage stowed at the back of the plane behind a cargo net . Everything was very basic and it was just as I imagined a troop carrier would appear to be . Louis was invited into the cockpit and he stayed there until after we had landed in Ampenan on the island of Lombok . At Ampenan we were taken into the crew room and given coffee , bread and bananas . 45 minutes later we took off Louis was in the cockpit again . At 8 o ' clock we were given a meal and after the meal I went into the cockpit for the landing at Tambora on the island of Sumbawa . There was nobody getting off at Tambora so before landing the pilot over flew the airfield to see if the flag was flying from thOn Monday Louis was feeling a bit better and I took him some food . He was still not 100 % and they wanted him to stay in for a little longer . I pointed out that our visas expired the following day and the doctor gave me a letter to give to the immigration stating the circumstances . Before going to the immigration I had to go to the police and register that we had arrived in Kupang . I went to the immigration office and showed them the doctor 's letter and the officer in charge agreed that in view of the circumstances we could stay for another week without having to pay the renewal fee . When I got back to the hotel , Ron was ill and had spent the day running to the toilet . He asked me to go to the post office and send a telegram to his friends in Bali to inform them that he wouldn 't be well enough to get the plane the next day and had cancelled his reservation . He went off to the hospital while I went to eat . After I had eaten I started walking back and met Ron coming back from the hospital . They had given him some medicine and told him not to eat anything and he was feeling a lot better . So we went to the Garuda office to un - cancel his reservation . Fortunately his place was still available . On the way back to the hotel I met Danny and Ted . They had just arrived on the plane from Denpasar and were staying at a different hotel . We all went along to the hospital to visit Louis and after visiting we all went to the harbour café to eat . Danny , who had been in Indonesia for quite a while had become a connoisseur on Indonesian cooking . Although we were all quite happy with the food , Danny declared that it was rubbish and ordered two different meals before feeding them both to the dog . Before going to bed we all said goodbye to Ron , because he would be leaving in the middle of the night to catch the plane to Bali . Tuesday 1st April 1969 Early the next morning I was woken up by a very agitated sounding English voice . A guy called Mark had just arrived by boat from Bali and he was looking for somewhere to stay , but the hotel was full . There were 3 beds in my room and I offered to let him use one . He moved in and then went to sleep almost immediately . In the meantime Danny had been to see the Chief of Police and had showed him his letter from President Suharto . The chief had become friendly and said he would help in any way he could to find us transport to the border . He told Danny that there might be a boat going to Atapupu , which was on the North Coast very close to the Portuguese frontier . They came around to Wisma Salem to give me the good news and when Mark woke up a few hours later he joined in with the conversation . He seemed to be high on something and reacted excitedly to everything . When somebody mentioned the possibility of the boat to Atapupu he nearly leapt into the air and before anybody could stop him he had dashed out of the hotel to try to find out about it . The others nicknamed him ' speed ' because he was acting as though he was taking amphetamines . Danny and Ted spent the day looking around for some sort of transport . So that I would be around if they found something , I ordered all my meals in the hotel and sat around reading all day . The hospital phoned the hotel to tell them Louis would be discharged and late that afternoon I organised the jeep to take me to the hospital and bring Louis back to the hotel . The bill for his stay in hospital was very little more than I had been paying to stay in the hotel . The next day we all split up and tried looking for ways to get to the border . Danny had been back to the police chief earlier on and he told him that the boat to Atapupu wouldn 't be going for another few days . He told Danny that there was a truck belonging to Colombo Plan going to Kefamananu that afternoon and Danny and I went along to the Colombo Plan office to find out about a lift . We spoke to the boss and he said that the truThe hotel that Danny and Ted were staying in was very near to the Colombo Plan compound , so we paid our bill and moved hotels for the night so we wouldn 't have too far to walk in the early hours of the morning when the truck was due to leave . When I got to the hotel I suddenly remembered that I had left my camera hanging on the bed head in Wisma Salem , so I dashed back to get it . Thankfully it was still where I had left it . By the time I got back everybody had gone to bed early and they were already asleep . So I put my mosquito net up and slept on the floor . During the night Mark kept getting up to check the Colombo Plan compound for signs of a truck , but by 7 the next morning it still hadn 't left . Louis and Ted then went back to Pelni to see if the mythical ship to Oecusse had turned up while I went to Colombo Plan with Danny and Mark . An employee who told us that there were no trucks leaving until next week greeted us at the gate . We then asked to see the boss and he told us that he had gone to Djakarta . When we asked him when he had left the answer came back " last week " . As we had spoken to the boss only the previous afternoon we then knew he was lying ( for whatever reason I don 't know ) and we pushed past him and went to see the boss in his home . I don 't think the boss was too happy at being disturbed in his home , but as usual Danny had a very persuasive personality and we found out that the truck was going to leave at 10 o ' clock . It was already after 9 , so I stayed behind while Danny and Mark went back to round up Louis and Ted and to bring the luggage over from the hotel . Everybody was back with all of the luggage within 20 minutes and we all went to eat at a small café just opposite the compound and to await the arrival of the truck . None of us were really sure that the truck existed but quite surprisingly it arrived just before 10 and we all piled in . As was customary , the truck drove around town for about an hour before coming back to the compound and picking up some more passengers . We eventually set ouThe only hotel in So ' e was quite expensive and they were not prepared to bargain with us . After all they did have a monopoly . We decided to sleep in the open along with a lot of the others from the truck , but first we went to eat . Danny went to the police station with his Suharto letter and the policeman said we could all sleep in the prison cells that night as long as they didn 't need them . We took one look at the cells and decided not to take him up on his offer . We went back to the hotel and they still had an empty room . By this time they were more amenable to be bargained down and we got the room for 250 rupiah . The room slept 5 , but one of the beds was a double and we drew straws for who was going to have to share . I drew the short straw along with Mark and we ended up on the double bed together . That night he was all arms and legs and he spread out over a lot more than half of the bed , but when he slept , nothing would move him and I had to put up with it . The next morning the truck was due to leave at 6am , and we arrived in good time , but nobody else including the driver turned up until just after 7 . We still had a little over 100 km to travel to Kefa and we hoped to make it that day . We covered about 45 km when the engine let out what I considered to be a death rattle . The driver said it would only take a short time to fix , but it was nearly 3 hours before we got moving again . We eventually arrived in Kefa at about 3pm . The truck was going on to Atambua and Atapupu , but we figured it would take another few days and none of us fancied the idea . From Kefa it was only a few hours walking to the Portuguese enclave frontier and from what we had heard , we could get a ride from the frontier to Oecusse . The driver asked for his money and Danny tried to bargain with him . He asked for 500 rupiah each and Danny offered him just 10 rupiah , so he drove off in disgust and none of us had to pay anything . Kefamananu is only a small village and the truck dropped us off outside the police station . We went inside to get our We recruited some porters from the crowd gathered outside the police station . They charged us 200 rupiah each and they carried all of our bags . We set off walking to the border just as the sun was setting and we walked on through the dark . It was a full moon that night and it was bright enough to light our way very well . It was so bright in fact that I noticed that we all had a shadow . I had never seen that before . It took us 5 hours to get to the border . The porters just took the bags and ran all the way , leaving a young boy behind to walk with us and show us the way . The road was very winding , but the footpath just went straight across cutting out all the corners . Had we not had the porters we would probably have had to walk more than twice the distance . After so many months of travelling and carrying our heavy packs everywhere we were all quite fit and we covered the 20 miles in a little over five hours . Not having bags to carry and the fact that it was much cooler travelling at night we didn 't need to stop and rest . We arrived at a police post just inside Indonesia at about 11 o ' clock . That was as far as the porters were allowed to go . They had been waiting for us for a few hours so we paid them off and they started to run back to Kefa . The policeman took our stamped pieces of paper and allowed us to sleep there that night . [ Indonesian Borneo ( Kalimantan ) ] [ Java ] [ Bali ] |
The tale of Mr . Cat ends today . For the earlier segments , please go here : 1 . The prequel 2 . Mr . Cat 's first appearance 3 . So says Mr . Cat 4 . Seeking Mr . Cat It has almost been a month since Mr . Cat was part of our lives . In all , Mr . Cat was with us for six weeks , from just before Thanksgiving to right after New Year 's Day . We really couldn 't have asked for a better Christmas gift than his presence . Okay , I won 't leave you hanging about the half - naked man with which I ended the story last Thursday . Unlike fictional stories that would introduce such a minor character , nothing happened . Short and simple , the true scene played out as such . " Is that your cat ? " I asked , pointing to grey cat beneath the bushes . " Yes , " he said , nonplussed , as if every morning he opened the door shirtless to answer an old lady about his cat . That cat which , by the way , quickly ran into his house . " Sorry , " I said , thinking that I would not be riding my bicycle down that street for awhile . Go ahead , laugh . I do . The husband does . In particular , we laugh at the image of me , an old , chunky lady pedaling her pink bicycle through the neighborhood shouting , " Mr . Cat ! Mr . Cat . . . Kit , Kit ! . . . . Meow , Meow ! " It is hilarious , if not sometimes pathetic . Actually , the whole tale of Mr . Cat is once you know how it finally ends . On the ninth day of Mr . Cat 's disappearance , the husband and I finally forced ourselves out of the house to do errands . As I swung the car out of the driveway , I noticed neighbors standing on the corner across the street who I had yet to ask . Among them was the blonde - haired woman who once upon - a - time we had seen Mr . Cat follow down the street . " Excuse me , " I called from the car . " Have you seen a grey cat with a tiny white spot on his chest ? " " That 's my cat , " said the blonde - haired woman in surprise . " Is he with you ? " " Yes . " I felt relief instantly , followed by disappointment . " He had been hanging out at our house . When he stopped showing up , we got worried . " " So that 's where he had been , " she said laughing . The night Mr . Cat disappeared was the night that she moved from the neighborhood . We had no idea she had been still living on the street . So , there you go . Ah , Mr . Cat , such a con artist © 2012 Su - sieee ! Mac . All rights reserved . Posted by On the evening of January 2 , Mr . L . Gatto Cat mewed loudly at the front door . It was only 8 p . m . He had left the house only a couple hours ago . " What are you doing here so early ? " I asked as I opened the door . It was only luck that I happened to be walking by the door . Otherwise , I would not have heard him over the Mama 's TV in the living room and the husband washing dishes in the kitchen . " Meow . Meow . Meow , " Mr . Cat said , rubbing my legs , then rubbing the bottom of the door . He stood inside the door , looking out . " Do you want to come in or not ? " I asked , holding the door open . " It 's cold . " As I closed the door , I saw him jump into the rose bushes . The Husband and I took turns opening the back door later that night to let him in . We went to bed with high hopes of finding him asleep on his chair in the living room , as usual . He was not there . He did not show up at any of his usual times . He was no where to be seen on our street . Cat friends told us not to worry . He 'll come back when he 's good and ready . I could not wait . I got on my bicycle and pedaled around the block . Cat experts on the Web stated that cats generally hang within a short radius . " Have you seen a grey cat with a tiny white spot on his chest ? " I asked of anyone and everyone I saw . " Yes , " said a middle - aged man who lived on the next block . " A grey cat comes around here all the time . I feed him . " Instant relief . " He was probably here last night with a lot of other cats , " said the man . " My cat has been in heat . I 've had to keep her inside . " His young daughter told me that the cats usually hang out in the flower beds along their house or in the bushes across the street . For the next nine days , the Husband and I drove by slowly , keeping our eyes open for Mr . Cat . One afternoon , I saw a grey cat crossing the street to their yard , but it was not Mr . Cat . Later on that first day of Mr . Cat 's disappearance , the Husband and I went to the local animal shelter to look in its stray - cat room . The moment we entered the door , five or six cats came to the front of their cages instantly . They meowed insistently . Each seemed to plead , " Please take me home . " We visited the shelter a week later to find only two cats in the room . Neither was Mr . Cat . The husband and I are night owls , which is the reason Mr . Cat could count on one of us opening the door as late as 2 : 30 a . m . I see the sunrise when I 've worked through the night . I get up before 8 a . m . only if I need to be somewhere early . On the third morning of Mr . Cat 's disappearance , I wanted to get out there while rodents and birds were still morning prey for cats . This time , I decided to widen my search of As I was about to walk up to the cat , an old man came out of the house next door . " Excuse me , " I said . " I live on the other side of the neighborhood . Does your neighbor own a grey cat ? " " No comprendo , " he said . " No hablo Inglais . " Great . I only speak textbook Spanish and most of that skill has disappeared from my brain . I pointed next door , wondering what the Spanish word for neighbor was . Sigh . " El gente tiene un gato ? " The crowd have a cat ? Fortunately , the man understood . At least I thought he understood , because I understood him to say that a lot of cats hang out on their street . I thanked him , and walked next door . The cat was still under the bushes . I stood on the porch and talked to him . " Hello , Mr . Cat . Are you Mr . Cat ? Come here , Mr . Cat . Come here . " At one point , the grey cat took a step towards me . But , he thought better of it and stepped back . Except for the bushy tail , the cat looked like Mr . Cat . I had to know . I knocked on the door . No answer . I knocked again . The door opened . A young muscular man with beautiful hazel eyes stood before me . And how did I know he was muscular ? He was half naked . The tale of Mr . L . Gatto Cat continues and ends next Monday . I promise . © 2012 Su - sieee ! Mac . All rights reserved . Posted by I was just minding my own business . In the late afternoon , I liked to hang out under the old lady 's rose bushes to grab some of the last of the sun 's bubbles before it scooted over the rooftops . The old lady had a very pleasant and tidy garden . No leaves to muss me up . No rocks to dig into my body . The plants and her house protected me from the wind . And , best of all , the birds flocked to the bird feeders on the tree in the middle of the yard . It was only right that I politely said " Thanks " whenever the old lady , the bushy - haired tall guy , or the younger old lady walked by . The guy always petted me and said kind things to me . I didn 't get much of human talk until evening . As for the women - they ignored me . I think the old lady was hard of hearing . The younger old lady sometimes glanced at me and said rather firmly , " Stay away from the birds . " Or , " You better not be pooping there . " Honestly , I didn 't . At least , not after she mentioned it . The days were getting shorter - and cooler - when it all of a sudden happened . My relationship with those three humans changed . I had just stretched myself out of a nap . Sitting on the old lady 's walkway , I was pondering where I might find a morsel . The front door creaked open and the old lady walked out . She held a piece of chicken . Of course , I walked towards her , but I stopped a few feet away . She put the food on the cement and walked back to the steps . It was delicious ! The next day , it happened again around the same time . The day after that , I came by earlier , and she came out with food . Then one day , I found a plate full of human food . It was okay . You had to be hungry to like it . I ate a little bit to be polite . After awhile , I noticed the younger old lady sometimes put food out for me . She still said , " Stay away from the birds . " But in a nice , friendly way . She also began to pet me . I came by another day and found a bed on the front stoop . It was a towel on a piece of cardboard , which was replaced by a blanket tucked into a cardboard box a few days later . I went to sleep there before dawn and wouldn 't you know it when the front door opened a few hours after sunset , the old lady had breakfast for me . Eventually , the younger old lady moved the bed and my food dish and drinking bowl into the backyard . She also hung out with me . At first , it was for a very short while . I had to teach her not to leave so quickly . She actually let me sit on her lap . I learned that I could not swipe at her with my claws . She didn 't like that at all . She also didn 't like me to jump up on the table where they kept the canned and boxed food for me . Yes , I was finally allowed inside the house . They brought my meal dishes into the house because the other cats were eating from them . " You can hang out here , " the younger old lady said . " But , don 't bring other cats here . " One evening , I even chased a buddy away because he was freaking her out . It was a great life I had with the three of them . They had made me a little shelter that kept me quite warm during the chilly nights . Indoors , I had my own chair with a warm pillow to sleep on . Sometimes , the old lady laid on the couch next to my chair and she let me nap alongside her . The old lady didn 't like me to leave . When it was time for me to go , I asked the guy or the younger old lady to let me out . Usually , I found them upstairs working in their office . Going upstairs was like walking through a mine field in the dark . The stairs , the hallways , and their office were lined with piles of books , papers , boxes , and stuff . I would 've enjoyed exploring their territory but it was not my place to do so . With each day , I was going over to their house more often and staying longer each time . The last few weeks , I got into a pattern of heading over there at 10 or 11 a . m . I slept for an hour or so , left , came back around 2 or 3 p . m . , and slept until 5 or 6 p . m . I found myself heading to my shelter anywhere between midnight and 3 a . m . just so I could be there when the old lady opened the sliding door in the morning . One especially cold night , the sliding door opened , and the young old lady stuck her head out and invited me indoors . I ate a little then flopped onto my chair . She and the guy sat next to me and took turns petting me until I had almost fallen asleep . I say " almost " because I heard them try to quietly get up and walk away . From that night onward , I slept in the house . It didn 't matter what time I returned , she was there to open the door and they were there to lull me to sleep . It was a warm April evening . The husband and I were walking up and down our block , looking for the house where a young , friendly grey cat might belong . That morning , at breakfast time , the cat had sauntered up to our screen door and mewed as if to say , " Let me in . " A couple hours later , the husband went to fetch the mail . The cat came out from under the rose bushes . He petted the cat . On the way back from the mailbox , the husband stopped and petted him again . Yes . I have been told that I married a man who was pure of heart . Lunch time came . The cat was still hanging out in the front yard . I went out and shooed him away . So I thought . " I wonder where he lives , " said the Mama . Several hours later , the Mama was looking out the screen door at the grey visitor . " The poor cat . He must be hungry . " The cat lapped up a saucer of lactose - free milk , which I placed on the driveway , far away from the front door . The Husband cooed and petted it . I ignored it , while holding the carton of milk . A middle - aged woman and a little boy I 'd never seen before walked by . " Hello , " I said , hopefully . " Is this your cat ? " No , it was not . She also let me know she had two friendly cats at home . ( Like I really cared . ) They were visiting a friend , the woman told me . ( I haven 't seen her since that day ) . Then she proceeded to ask questions about the Mama and the Brother , both of whom she claimed she knew . ( The mama had no clue who she was . ) Later that night , the Husband and I wondered if she had abandoned the cat on our street and had come around to see that it was okay . It 's always good to be wary of strangers . As the cat drank more milk , the Husband and I quietly walked away . I really hoped that with its belly full , it would go away . Hahahahahaha . After dinner , I opened the front door . " Meow . " Sigh . Out the door , the husband and I went . " Come on , cat . Let 's find where you live . " Surprisingly , it followed us down the driveway . At the sidewalk , we stopped and waited to see which way he would go . It waited to see which way we would go . He followed us down to the corner , then turned around with us to walk to the other corner . As the husband waited with the cat on the sidewalk , I knocked at doors . I finally learned names of a couple of neighbors and met one that had moved in recently . I thank the cat for that . No one looked at me as if I was a lunatic . But , then , a couple of neighbors knew me from the previous Christmas knocking on their door with two bags full of gifts . " Uhm , someone named ' so and so ' left these gifts on our front porch by mistake . Are they yours ? " No one was missing gifts . That spring evening no one was missing a cat . ( FYI : The Brother had left the gifts . ) It was kind of nice walking around with the Husband and a cat on a spring evening . The cat seemed to enjoy scampering alongside us , veering now and then to explore something exciting . At one point , it met one of the feral cats in the neighborhood . I felt like chasing the feral cat away . I didn 't like the idea of the young cat living a wild life . He was obviously someone 's pet . Not soon after meeting the feral cat , the grey cat melted into the shadows . As we closed the front door , the Mama asked , " Did you find its home ? " " Where will it sleep ? " she asked , worriedly , when we said it disappeared . This is what the Husband , the Mama , and I wrote on our 2011 Christmas letter ( Yep . We 're that kind of people . ) : The gang of . . .< our address > has expanded to four . Mr . Cat , aka Mr . L . Gatto Cat , aka Mr . Lionel G . Cat adopted us around Thanksgiving Day . A stray budding YA kitty , he suckered us with his cuteness and friendliness . Mr . L . Gatto Cat left as suddenly as he arrived into our lives . It was almost like he had been on vacation and we had been his vacation destination . He was given a winter shelter . He was fed topnotch food - no grain fillers . And , he had attentive humans to pet and play with him when he was not sleeping . Mr . Cat cat slept a lot , I tell you what . I never knew that cats sleep so much . We had cats when I was a kid . Lots of cats . There were always at least three or four of them wandering outside in the backyard . During the winter , they slept in the garage . Almost daily , they liked to slip into the house when anyone went through the door to the garage . I was constantly chasing cats and putting them back outside . I like cats but I don 't consider myself a cat person . If they happen to come up to me , I 'll put out my hand and wait and see if they want to be petted . Yeah , I can be just as reserved as a cat . Once in the early 1980s , I brought home a stray cat that came up to me in a restaurant parking lot . It was a momentarily lapse of judgement . I was also toasted on lunch - time wine and heavily influenced by surrounding co - workers who all had cats . That ' 80s cat was your everyday alley cat . Grey . Striped . Independent . His name was Lionel . Truly , I had no business being a cat caregiver back then . I worked long hours most days , and until Lionel came home with me , I lived alone . Poor Lionel roamed the apartment by himself most of the week . On weekends , I sometimes found his constant being around me annoying , so I closed myself up in the bedroom to get some alone time . Lionel gave me an hour before impatiently meowing for attention from the other side of the door . At the time , I lived in a third floor funky flat in foggy San Francisco . Lionel came from the big , open outdoors of bright and sunny Hayward in the East Bay . The small living room window of my apartment overlooked the rooftop of the next building . Every work day , I left the window partially opened so Lionel could have fresh air . Lionel , being smart and adventurous , jumped through the window to the rooftop . The buildings were literally inches apart , so dear readers , there was no danger of him falling to the ground . I discovered that Lionel hung out on the rooftop when one day I came home before the sun had set . As I walked down my street , I heard a cat meowing from above . The cat 's call became more insistent as I approached my apartment building . A dread came to my heart . I looked up . Lionel was looking at me from the rooftop of the next - door building . What the heck ? Up the three flights of my building I sped and quickly unlocked the front door . " Meow , " greeted Lionel , as I opened it . This became a regular thing with Lionel . This was also an unacceptable thing in the neighborhood . A couple of months later , an animal shelter guy knocked on my door . " We 've gotten reports that a cat stuck on the roof next door . Have you seen or heard it ? " " Uh , that 's my cat . He likes to go out there when I 'm at work . " The animal shelter guy wasn 't sure how to deal with it . I promised not to let Lionel out anymore . Lionel needed to live where he could roam freely . My solution was to have him live with the Mama where Lionel would be able to wander in her backyard and in the field behind her house if he so desired . There was also the added factor being able to play with the cats that she cared for in the backyard . That ' 80s cat lived with the Mama for about six months . Lionel liked roaming up on high . He figured how to get up on the roof of the Mama 's house , but not how to get back down . The Mama was still working and getting used to being a widow . She did not need the additional stress of climbing a ladder after work to rescue a meowing city cat from her roof . So , in the end , a new home was found for Lionel . After Lionel , that ' 80s cat , scampered out of my life , I figured that was the end of any intimate relationship with cats . Until . . . December 16 , 2011 : I 'm falling in love with a cat . To be continued on Thursday . This is my rough sketch for the cartoon that I want the Husband to draw for my future obituary . Death is sportinga Hawaiian shirt . Me , a flouncy skirt . " Death , " said 18 - year - old me . It was a late afternoon nearly 50 years ago . My answer , of course , gave him a start . To this day , I have no idea why he even walked over to the swings where I was sitting , the only person in the park until he and his friends drove in and parked near the bathroom . Our paths crossed once before when I was in first grade and he in second . In high school , I perceived him as being one of the " wild and tumble " guys . And , wouldn 't you know it , he eventually would become a pastor . Instead of making a quick getaway , the future pastor sat on the other swing next to me . Not really what I wanted . He seemed sincerely concerned that I had called myself Death . He probably thought I was suicidal or maybe psychotic . Far from either . I was just going through a period of finding a name that suited me . I just didn 't feel like a Susie . I truly thought the word Death sounded calm , peaceful , and pretty . I recall telling the future pastor that , but I doubt he believed me . Who would ? Death was certainly not a stranger to me . I was the Mama 's third baby . Her second one died at birth . My younger sister was born almost three years later . Baby girl lived about 29 months . She died in the Mama 's lap as the Mama was feeding her lunch . I can still hear the Mama shouting , " Shirley ! Shirley ! What 's wrong ! " The Daddy ran from the kitchen , gathered the baby in his arms , and ran out the door to the car . The Mama was right behind him . She got into the car , the Daddy handed Shirley to her , then he raced around the car to the driver 's side . As he turned to back out the car , he finally saw me standing beside it . " Go next door , " the Daddy commanded . I stepped away from the car and watched as they sped off to town . It was not until I was 17 that the Mama was finally able to let go of Shirley 's death . The name Death didn 't last long , probably a few more weeks after the encounter with the future pastor . My next new new name was Susane , pronounced Su - sane . Ah , 18 - year - olders . © 2012 Su - sieee ! Mac . All rights reserved . Posted by The Mama is the other significant character who will grace this blog from time to time . Here 's a look into her nature . " They ask how old I am ! " the Mama exclaims . Sometimes she says it out of the blue , a few hours after having come from a party . Or , it may come a day to two later , after she has finally let the question get to her . The question that she thinks is so rude to ask : " How old are you now ? " Her standard answer , " I am 100 years old . " After asking her age , they ( the people who haven 't seen her in awhile ) then want to know how she stays so healthy ( translation : not dead ) . Her answer , which I 'm really not sure she says so sincerely : " I eat rice . Rice does not make your face wrinkle . " The Mama reads the newspaper daily , as well as listen to the evening news , and sometimes the noon news . " They showed Goodrich ( Gingrich ) . He was crying , " she said , with a note of of amusement . " I have never seen a politician cry . " Once upon a time , soon after the Daddy died , the Mama took in two boarders , two middle - aged women - sisters , I believe - who had recently moved from the Philippines . The women happened to be religious , meaning they were really into their church , which was not Roman Catholic . The Mama has not ever been a churchgoer , but that does not mean she is ( or was ) anything other than a Roman Catholic . From what the Mama had told me , the two women and she got into a very arousing argument about religion . The two women moved out the next day . " I may not have education , " the Mama had said . " But , you cannot fool me . " In other words , she believes in what she believes . Don 't even think about trying to change her . The Mama 's favorite movies are Sound of Music , Pollyanna ( with Haley Mills ) , and The Prince and Me . Oh , and how can I forget Cinderella - the version with Brandy and the Filipino guy as the Prince . I can count on the Mama requesting to watch at least one of these movies almost every week . Lately , she falls asleep on them ; but , I 'm sure it 's after she has seen her favorite scenes . With the Sound of Music , she lThe Mama 's vegetable garden . Can you find her ? Neither the Husband nor I are pack racks . Not much , that is . He still has one or two boxes of college textbooks , and I have a box , or two , of research from the mid - 70s about Filipinos in the United States for a book idea that has been on the back burner since , well , at least 1979 , the last time I was living full time in the hometown . I think we - the husband and I - have been very good about consolidating and downsizing our belongings since we moved in together way back when . I came with 40 + years of personal stuff , both single and married stuff , along with some of the pre - me things that belonged to the deceased husband . He , the Husband , came with his 40 + years of personal stuff , both single and married stuff , along with some of the pre - him things that belonged to his deceased wife . I had lived in a one - bedroom apartment , while he had resided in a studio . Together , we moved into a three - bedroom house with a big basement . It just goes to show how cramped we both had been living in our homes for many years . Out of the boxes came the prized possessions : Books ! Almost immediately , they were complemented with books from the collection of the father - in - law . Three bookshelves worth . The bookshelves came with the books . The Father - in - law was in the process of getting rid of some of his stuff to make room for his bride - to - be 's belongings in his home . He , the Father - in - law , was very attached to his books , so he was very happy that we wanted to adopt them . So , yep . We could 've easily opened a comfy used bookstore in that house . We still can . Open a used bookstore , that is . Only this time out of a storage locker . Today , most of the Husband and my belongings are shrink - wrapped or boxed and hanging out in the Mama 's garage and in two storage lockers . I would say the majority of the boxes are full of books . When we moved to the hometown , we stored our boxes and such in the Mama 's garage . Several months later the Father - in - law unexpectedly died . Because the all - of - a - sudden " evil " ( her words , not mine ) stepmother decided to sell the family house , the Husband and I packed nearly 50 + years , and several generations , of stuff and transported all over 100 miles to two storage lockers in the hometown . Now , several years later , we are finally tackling the stuff . All of it . Everything happens in its own time . Our goal is to consolidate locker stuff into one locker and to see more of the Mama 's garage floor by the end of the month . Slowly , slowly , you shall meet the characters in my life - past and present . Today , I introduce the Husband . Some of you already know him from my previous blogs . We are perfectly imperfect together . Click here for an example , then come back to find out how we met . How We Met He , the future husband , was standing in my carport , as his friend , the son of my deceased husband , was circling the motorcycle that his father had given him . He , the future husband , wore a red plaid jacket over his jeans . His curly reddish blonde hair was just barely out of control . His beard was neatly full . He , the future husband , was staring at a black box the size of a TV remote control in his hand . I imagined him saying , " Beam me up , Scotty . " I also thought , Pothead . And , so it began . Nearly 17 years ago . © 2010 - 2017 Su - sieee ! Mac . All text and images on The View from the Top of the Ladder ( formerly known as Don 't Be a Hippie ) are the intellectual property of Su - sieee ! Mac , unless otherwise stated . If you 'd like to use one of my photos or republish a post , please write to susieeemac @ gmail dot com . View my complete profile |
The tale of Mr . Cat ends today . For the earlier segments , please go here : 1 . The prequel 2 . Mr . Cat 's first appearance 3 . So says Mr . Cat 4 . Seeking Mr . Cat It has almost been a month since Mr . Cat was part of our lives . In all , Mr . Cat was with us for six weeks , from just before Thanksgiving to right after New Year 's Day . We really couldn 't have asked for a better Christmas gift than his presence . Okay , I won 't leave you hanging about the half - naked man with which I ended the story last Thursday . Unlike fictional stories that would introduce such a minor character , nothing happened . Short and simple , the true scene played out as such . " Is that your cat ? " I asked , pointing to grey cat beneath the bushes . " Yes , " he said , nonplussed , as if every morning he opened the door shirtless to answer an old lady about his cat . That cat which , by the way , quickly ran into his house . " Sorry , " I said , thinking that I would not be riding my bicycle down that street for awhile . Go ahead , laugh . I do . The husband does . In particular , we laugh at the image of me , an old , chunky lady pedaling her pink bicycle through the neighborhood shouting , " Mr . Cat ! Mr . Cat . . . Kit , Kit ! . . . . Meow , Meow ! " It is hilarious , if not sometimes pathetic . Actually , the whole tale of Mr . Cat is once you know how it finally ends . On the ninth day of Mr . Cat 's disappearance , the husband and I finally forced ourselves out of the house to do errands . As I swung the car out of the driveway , I noticed neighbors standing on the corner across the street who I had yet to ask . Among them was the blonde - haired woman who once upon - a - time we had seen Mr . Cat follow down the street . " Excuse me , " I called from the car . " Have you seen a grey cat with a tiny white spot on his chest ? " " That 's my cat , " said the blonde - haired woman in surprise . " Is he with you ? " " Yes . " I felt relief instantly , followed by disappointment . " He had been hanging out at our house . When he stopped showing up , we got worried . " " So that 's where he had been , " she said laughing . The night Mr . Cat disappeared was the night that she moved from the neighborhood . We had no idea she had been still living on the street . So , there you go . Ah , Mr . Cat , such a con artist © 2012 Su - sieee ! Mac . All rights reserved . Posted by On the evening of January 2 , Mr . L . Gatto Cat mewed loudly at the front door . It was only 8 p . m . He had left the house only a couple hours ago . " What are you doing here so early ? " I asked as I opened the door . It was only luck that I happened to be walking by the door . Otherwise , I would not have heard him over the Mama 's TV in the living room and the husband washing dishes in the kitchen . " Meow . Meow . Meow , " Mr . Cat said , rubbing my legs , then rubbing the bottom of the door . He stood inside the door , looking out . " Do you want to come in or not ? " I asked , holding the door open . " It 's cold . " As I closed the door , I saw him jump into the rose bushes . The Husband and I took turns opening the back door later that night to let him in . We went to bed with high hopes of finding him asleep on his chair in the living room , as usual . He was not there . He did not show up at any of his usual times . He was no where to be seen on our street . Cat friends told us not to worry . He 'll come back when he 's good and ready . I could not wait . I got on my bicycle and pedaled around the block . Cat experts on the Web stated that cats generally hang within a short radius . " Have you seen a grey cat with a tiny white spot on his chest ? " I asked of anyone and everyone I saw . " Yes , " said a middle - aged man who lived on the next block . " A grey cat comes around here all the time . I feed him . " Instant relief . " He was probably here last night with a lot of other cats , " said the man . " My cat has been in heat . I 've had to keep her inside . " His young daughter told me that the cats usually hang out in the flower beds along their house or in the bushes across the street . For the next nine days , the Husband and I drove by slowly , keeping our eyes open for Mr . Cat . One afternoon , I saw a grey cat crossing the street to their yard , but it was not Mr . Cat . Later on that first day of Mr . Cat 's disappearance , the Husband and I went to the local animal shelter to look in its stray - cat room . The moment we entered the door , five or six cats came to the front of their cages instantly . They meowed insistently . Each seemed to plead , " Please take me home . " We visited the shelter a week later to find only two cats in the room . Neither was Mr . Cat . The husband and I are night owls , which is the reason Mr . Cat could count on one of us opening the door as late as 2 : 30 a . m . I see the sunrise when I 've worked through the night . I get up before 8 a . m . only if I need to be somewhere early . On the third morning of Mr . Cat 's disappearance , I wanted to get out there while rodents and birds were still morning prey for cats . This time , I decided to widen my search of As I was about to walk up to the cat , an old man came out of the house next door . " Excuse me , " I said . " I live on the other side of the neighborhood . Does your neighbor own a grey cat ? " " No comprendo , " he said . " No hablo Inglais . " Great . I only speak textbook Spanish and most of that skill has disappeared from my brain . I pointed next door , wondering what the Spanish word for neighbor was . Sigh . " El gente tiene un gato ? " The crowd have a cat ? Fortunately , the man understood . At least I thought he understood , because I understood him to say that a lot of cats hang out on their street . I thanked him , and walked next door . The cat was still under the bushes . I stood on the porch and talked to him . " Hello , Mr . Cat . Are you Mr . Cat ? Come here , Mr . Cat . Come here . " At one point , the grey cat took a step towards me . But , he thought better of it and stepped back . Except for the bushy tail , the cat looked like Mr . Cat . I had to know . I knocked on the door . No answer . I knocked again . The door opened . A young muscular man with beautiful hazel eyes stood before me . And how did I know he was muscular ? He was half naked . The tale of Mr . L . Gatto Cat continues and ends next Monday . I promise . © 2012 Su - sieee ! Mac . All rights reserved . Posted by I was just minding my own business . In the late afternoon , I liked to hang out under the old lady 's rose bushes to grab some of the last of the sun 's bubbles before it scooted over the rooftops . The old lady had a very pleasant and tidy garden . No leaves to muss me up . No rocks to dig into my body . The plants and her house protected me from the wind . And , best of all , the birds flocked to the bird feeders on the tree in the middle of the yard . It was only right that I politely said " Thanks " whenever the old lady , the bushy - haired tall guy , or the younger old lady walked by . The guy always petted me and said kind things to me . I didn 't get much of human talk until evening . As for the women - they ignored me . I think the old lady was hard of hearing . The younger old lady sometimes glanced at me and said rather firmly , " Stay away from the birds . " Or , " You better not be pooping there . " Honestly , I didn 't . At least , not after she mentioned it . The days were getting shorter - and cooler - when it all of a sudden happened . My relationship with those three humans changed . I had just stretched myself out of a nap . Sitting on the old lady 's walkway , I was pondering where I might find a morsel . The front door creaked open and the old lady walked out . She held a piece of chicken . Of course , I walked towards her , but I stopped a few feet away . She put the food on the cement and walked back to the steps . It was delicious ! The next day , it happened again around the same time . The day after that , I came by earlier , and she came out with food . Then one day , I found a plate full of human food . It was okay . You had to be hungry to like it . I ate a little bit to be polite . After awhile , I noticed the younger old lady sometimes put food out for me . She still said , " Stay away from the birds . " But in a nice , friendly way . She also began to pet me . I came by another day and found a bed on the front stoop . It was a towel on a piece of cardboard , which was replaced by a blanket tucked into a cardboard box a few days later . I went to sleep there before dawn and wouldn 't you know it when the front door opened a few hours after sunset , the old lady had breakfast for me . Eventually , the younger old lady moved the bed and my food dish and drinking bowl into the backyard . She also hung out with me . At first , it was for a very short while . I had to teach her not to leave so quickly . She actually let me sit on her lap . I learned that I could not swipe at her with my claws . She didn 't like that at all . She also didn 't like me to jump up on the table where they kept the canned and boxed food for me . Yes , I was finally allowed inside the house . They brought my meal dishes into the house because the other cats were eating from them . " You can hang out here , " the younger old lady said . " But , don 't bring other cats here . " One evening , I even chased a buddy away because he was freaking her out . It was a great life I had with the three of them . They had made me a little shelter that kept me quite warm during the chilly nights . Indoors , I had my own chair with a warm pillow to sleep on . Sometimes , the old lady laid on the couch next to my chair and she let me nap alongside her . The old lady didn 't like me to leave . When it was time for me to go , I asked the guy or the younger old lady to let me out . Usually , I found them upstairs working in their office . Going upstairs was like walking through a mine field in the dark . The stairs , the hallways , and their office were lined with piles of books , papers , boxes , and stuff . I would 've enjoyed exploring their territory but it was not my place to do so . With each day , I was going over to their house more often and staying longer each time . The last few weeks , I got into a pattern of heading over there at 10 or 11 a . m . I slept for an hour or so , left , came back around 2 or 3 p . m . , and slept until 5 or 6 p . m . I found myself heading to my shelter anywhere between midnight and 3 a . m . just so I could be there when the old lady opened the sliding door in the morning . One especially cold night , the sliding door opened , and the young old lady stuck her head out and invited me indoors . I ate a little then flopped onto my chair . She and the guy sat next to me and took turns petting me until I had almost fallen asleep . I say " almost " because I heard them try to quietly get up and walk away . From that night onward , I slept in the house . It didn 't matter what time I returned , she was there to open the door and they were there to lull me to sleep . It was a warm April evening . The husband and I were walking up and down our block , looking for the house where a young , friendly grey cat might belong . That morning , at breakfast time , the cat had sauntered up to our screen door and mewed as if to say , " Let me in . " A couple hours later , the husband went to fetch the mail . The cat came out from under the rose bushes . He petted the cat . On the way back from the mailbox , the husband stopped and petted him again . Yes . I have been told that I married a man who was pure of heart . Lunch time came . The cat was still hanging out in the front yard . I went out and shooed him away . So I thought . " I wonder where he lives , " said the Mama . Several hours later , the Mama was looking out the screen door at the grey visitor . " The poor cat . He must be hungry . " The cat lapped up a saucer of lactose - free milk , which I placed on the driveway , far away from the front door . The Husband cooed and petted it . I ignored it , while holding the carton of milk . A middle - aged woman and a little boy I 'd never seen before walked by . " Hello , " I said , hopefully . " Is this your cat ? " No , it was not . She also let me know she had two friendly cats at home . ( Like I really cared . ) They were visiting a friend , the woman told me . ( I haven 't seen her since that day ) . Then she proceeded to ask questions about the Mama and the Brother , both of whom she claimed she knew . ( The mama had no clue who she was . ) Later that night , the Husband and I wondered if she had abandoned the cat on our street and had come around to see that it was okay . It 's always good to be wary of strangers . As the cat drank more milk , the Husband and I quietly walked away . I really hoped that with its belly full , it would go away . Hahahahahaha . After dinner , I opened the front door . " Meow . " Sigh . Out the door , the husband and I went . " Come on , cat . Let 's find where you live . " Surprisingly , it followed us down the driveway . At the sidewalk , we stopped and waited to see which way he would go . It waited to see which way we would go . He followed us down to the corner , then turned around with us to walk to the other corner . As the husband waited with the cat on the sidewalk , I knocked at doors . I finally learned names of a couple of neighbors and met one that had moved in recently . I thank the cat for that . No one looked at me as if I was a lunatic . But , then , a couple of neighbors knew me from the previous Christmas knocking on their door with two bags full of gifts . " Uhm , someone named ' so and so ' left these gifts on our front porch by mistake . Are they yours ? " No one was missing gifts . That spring evening no one was missing a cat . ( FYI : The Brother had left the gifts . ) It was kind of nice walking around with the Husband and a cat on a spring evening . The cat seemed to enjoy scampering alongside us , veering now and then to explore something exciting . At one point , it met one of the feral cats in the neighborhood . I felt like chasing the feral cat away . I didn 't like the idea of the young cat living a wild life . He was obviously someone 's pet . Not soon after meeting the feral cat , the grey cat melted into the shadows . As we closed the front door , the Mama asked , " Did you find its home ? " " Where will it sleep ? " she asked , worriedly , when we said it disappeared . This is what the Husband , the Mama , and I wrote on our 2011 Christmas letter ( Yep . We 're that kind of people . ) : The gang of . . .< our address > has expanded to four . Mr . Cat , aka Mr . L . Gatto Cat , aka Mr . Lionel G . Cat adopted us around Thanksgiving Day . A stray budding YA kitty , he suckered us with his cuteness and friendliness . Mr . L . Gatto Cat left as suddenly as he arrived into our lives . It was almost like he had been on vacation and we had been his vacation destination . He was given a winter shelter . He was fed topnotch food - no grain fillers . And , he had attentive humans to pet and play with him when he was not sleeping . Mr . Cat cat slept a lot , I tell you what . I never knew that cats sleep so much . We had cats when I was a kid . Lots of cats . There were always at least three or four of them wandering outside in the backyard . During the winter , they slept in the garage . Almost daily , they liked to slip into the house when anyone went through the door to the garage . I was constantly chasing cats and putting them back outside . I like cats but I don 't consider myself a cat person . If they happen to come up to me , I 'll put out my hand and wait and see if they want to be petted . Yeah , I can be just as reserved as a cat . Once in the early 1980s , I brought home a stray cat that came up to me in a restaurant parking lot . It was a momentarily lapse of judgement . I was also toasted on lunch - time wine and heavily influenced by surrounding co - workers who all had cats . That ' 80s cat was your everyday alley cat . Grey . Striped . Independent . His name was Lionel . Truly , I had no business being a cat caregiver back then . I worked long hours most days , and until Lionel came home with me , I lived alone . Poor Lionel roamed the apartment by himself most of the week . On weekends , I sometimes found his constant being around me annoying , so I closed myself up in the bedroom to get some alone time . Lionel gave me an hour before impatiently meowing for attention from the other side of the door . At the time , I lived in a third floor funky flat in foggy San Francisco . Lionel came from the big , open outdoors of bright and sunny Hayward in the East Bay . The small living room window of my apartment overlooked the rooftop of the next building . Every work day , I left the window partially opened so Lionel could have fresh air . Lionel , being smart and adventurous , jumped through the window to the rooftop . The buildings were literally inches apart , so dear readers , there was no danger of him falling to the ground . I discovered that Lionel hung out on the rooftop when one day I came home before the sun had set . As I walked down my street , I heard a cat meowing from above . The cat 's call became more insistent as I approached my apartment building . A dread came to my heart . I looked up . Lionel was looking at me from the rooftop of the next - door building . What the heck ? Up the three flights of my building I sped and quickly unlocked the front door . " Meow , " greeted Lionel , as I opened it . This became a regular thing with Lionel . This was also an unacceptable thing in the neighborhood . A couple of months later , an animal shelter guy knocked on my door . " We 've gotten reports that a cat stuck on the roof next door . Have you seen or heard it ? " " Uh , that 's my cat . He likes to go out there when I 'm at work . " The animal shelter guy wasn 't sure how to deal with it . I promised not to let Lionel out anymore . Lionel needed to live where he could roam freely . My solution was to have him live with the Mama where Lionel would be able to wander in her backyard and in the field behind her house if he so desired . There was also the added factor being able to play with the cats that she cared for in the backyard . That ' 80s cat lived with the Mama for about six months . Lionel liked roaming up on high . He figured how to get up on the roof of the Mama 's house , but not how to get back down . The Mama was still working and getting used to being a widow . She did not need the additional stress of climbing a ladder after work to rescue a meowing city cat from her roof . So , in the end , a new home was found for Lionel . After Lionel , that ' 80s cat , scampered out of my life , I figured that was the end of any intimate relationship with cats . Until . . . December 16 , 2011 : I 'm falling in love with a cat . To be continued on Thursday . This is my rough sketch for the cartoon that I want the Husband to draw for my future obituary . Death is sportinga Hawaiian shirt . Me , a flouncy skirt . " Death , " said 18 - year - old me . It was a late afternoon nearly 50 years ago . My answer , of course , gave him a start . To this day , I have no idea why he even walked over to the swings where I was sitting , the only person in the park until he and his friends drove in and parked near the bathroom . Our paths crossed once before when I was in first grade and he in second . In high school , I perceived him as being one of the " wild and tumble " guys . And , wouldn 't you know it , he eventually would become a pastor . Instead of making a quick getaway , the future pastor sat on the other swing next to me . Not really what I wanted . He seemed sincerely concerned that I had called myself Death . He probably thought I was suicidal or maybe psychotic . Far from either . I was just going through a period of finding a name that suited me . I just didn 't feel like a Susie . I truly thought the word Death sounded calm , peaceful , and pretty . I recall telling the future pastor that , but I doubt he believed me . Who would ? Death was certainly not a stranger to me . I was the Mama 's third baby . Her second one died at birth . My younger sister was born almost three years later . Baby girl lived about 29 months . She died in the Mama 's lap as the Mama was feeding her lunch . I can still hear the Mama shouting , " Shirley ! Shirley ! What 's wrong ! " The Daddy ran from the kitchen , gathered the baby in his arms , and ran out the door to the car . The Mama was right behind him . She got into the car , the Daddy handed Shirley to her , then he raced around the car to the driver 's side . As he turned to back out the car , he finally saw me standing beside it . " Go next door , " the Daddy commanded . I stepped away from the car and watched as they sped off to town . It was not until I was 17 that the Mama was finally able to let go of Shirley 's death . The name Death didn 't last long , probably a few more weeks after the encounter with the future pastor . My next new new name was Susane , pronounced Su - sane . Ah , 18 - year - olders . © 2012 Su - sieee ! Mac . All rights reserved . Posted by The Mama is the other significant character who will grace this blog from time to time . Here 's a look into her nature . " They ask how old I am ! " the Mama exclaims . Sometimes she says it out of the blue , a few hours after having come from a party . Or , it may come a day to two later , after she has finally let the question get to her . The question that she thinks is so rude to ask : " How old are you now ? " Her standard answer , " I am 100 years old . " After asking her age , they ( the people who haven 't seen her in awhile ) then want to know how she stays so healthy ( translation : not dead ) . Her answer , which I 'm really not sure she says so sincerely : " I eat rice . Rice does not make your face wrinkle . " The Mama reads the newspaper daily , as well as listen to the evening news , and sometimes the noon news . " They showed Goodrich ( Gingrich ) . He was crying , " she said , with a note of of amusement . " I have never seen a politician cry . " Once upon a time , soon after the Daddy died , the Mama took in two boarders , two middle - aged women - sisters , I believe - who had recently moved from the Philippines . The women happened to be religious , meaning they were really into their church , which was not Roman Catholic . The Mama has not ever been a churchgoer , but that does not mean she is ( or was ) anything other than a Roman Catholic . From what the Mama had told me , the two women and she got into a very arousing argument about religion . The two women moved out the next day . " I may not have education , " the Mama had said . " But , you cannot fool me . " In other words , she believes in what she believes . Don 't even think about trying to change her . The Mama 's favorite movies are Sound of Music , Pollyanna ( with Haley Mills ) , and The Prince and Me . Oh , and how can I forget Cinderella - the version with Brandy and the Filipino guy as the Prince . I can count on the Mama requesting to watch at least one of these movies almost every week . Lately , she falls asleep on them ; but , I 'm sure it 's after she has seen her favorite scenes . With the Sound of Music , she lThe Mama 's vegetable garden . Can you find her ? Neither the Husband nor I are pack racks . Not much , that is . He still has one or two boxes of college textbooks , and I have a box , or two , of research from the mid - 70s about Filipinos in the United States for a book idea that has been on the back burner since , well , at least 1979 , the last time I was living full time in the hometown . I think we - the husband and I - have been very good about consolidating and downsizing our belongings since we moved in together way back when . I came with 40 + years of personal stuff , both single and married stuff , along with some of the pre - me things that belonged to the deceased husband . He , the Husband , came with his 40 + years of personal stuff , both single and married stuff , along with some of the pre - him things that belonged to his deceased wife . I had lived in a one - bedroom apartment , while he had resided in a studio . Together , we moved into a three - bedroom house with a big basement . It just goes to show how cramped we both had been living in our homes for many years . Out of the boxes came the prized possessions : Books ! Almost immediately , they were complemented with books from the collection of the father - in - law . Three bookshelves worth . The bookshelves came with the books . The Father - in - law was in the process of getting rid of some of his stuff to make room for his bride - to - be 's belongings in his home . He , the Father - in - law , was very attached to his books , so he was very happy that we wanted to adopt them . So , yep . We could 've easily opened a comfy used bookstore in that house . We still can . Open a used bookstore , that is . Only this time out of a storage locker . Today , most of the Husband and my belongings are shrink - wrapped or boxed and hanging out in the Mama 's garage and in two storage lockers . I would say the majority of the boxes are full of books . When we moved to the hometown , we stored our boxes and such in the Mama 's garage . Several months later the Father - in - law unexpectedly died . Because the all - of - a - sudden " evil " ( her words , not mine ) stepmother decided to sell the family house , the Husband and I packed nearly 50 + years , and several generations , of stuff and transported all over 100 miles to two storage lockers in the hometown . Now , several years later , we are finally tackling the stuff . All of it . Everything happens in its own time . Our goal is to consolidate locker stuff into one locker and to see more of the Mama 's garage floor by the end of the month . Slowly , slowly , you shall meet the characters in my life - past and present . Today , I introduce the Husband . Some of you already know him from my previous blogs . We are perfectly imperfect together . Click here for an example , then come back to find out how we met . How We Met He , the future husband , was standing in my carport , as his friend , the son of my deceased husband , was circling the motorcycle that his father had given him . He , the future husband , wore a red plaid jacket over his jeans . His curly reddish blonde hair was just barely out of control . His beard was neatly full . He , the future husband , was staring at a black box the size of a TV remote control in his hand . I imagined him saying , " Beam me up , Scotty . " I also thought , Pothead . And , so it began . Nearly 17 years ago . © 2010 - 2017 Su - sieee ! Mac . All text and images on The View from the Top of the Ladder ( formerly known as Don 't Be a Hippie ) are the intellectual property of Su - sieee ! Mac , unless otherwise stated . If you 'd like to use one of my photos or republish a post , please write to susieeemac @ gmail dot com . View my complete profile |
Today I was forced to say goodbye to my role - model , partner in crime , comforter , and rock . As my little brother Karter said , she was the best friend a guy could ask for . My Grandma was my world , which came completely crashing down around me . I somehow dug deep and found the strength and composure to read this at her service . We didn 't get the privilege of being around our other grandparents when we were younger , so my Grandma Skiles has filled all of those positions and beyond . She raised her 3 sons as a single , widowed mother , helped raise her grand kids , and even tolerated the pets that came along with them . We 've all got different types of memories when it came to playtime with Grandma , but I can remember her taking me on adventures when we were both younger , like to the park , or to garage sales and the U - Save shop . When it got to the point that she couldn 't get out and about , we 'd still find plenty of trouble to get into around the house . We used to play beauty shop and grocery store , with her taking great care in handling all of my treasures and making sure that my quote " credit cards " didn 't get declined . No matter what time of day we were at her house , there was always plenty of food and snacks to be eaten , honeybuns and lunchmeat being the favorites , usually while watching some sort of cartoons . To burn off all that energy we would either walk ferocious laps around the border of her area rug , or put on some jazzy dance shows for her while Soul Train played in the background . While she really enjoyed her granddaughters , having raised all boys , she always held a soft spot for the grandsons . My little brother Karter 's favorite pastime with her was playing cars , even though she couldn 't leave her chair . And even though he was a handful , she called him her " rough and tumble Tarzan . " I completely and 100 % cherished every second that I had with her , and the fact that she got to see me walk down the aisle and hold my newborn son is absolutely priceless . Up until the very end she was still tossing around words suchPosted by Monday ! But now I 'm in Kansas and with my two favorite people . I 'm really just glad to be with them . This morning I was woken up by Bernice coming into the room . I think she was getting a shirt or something , maybe she was letting the dogs out , either way it was nice to see her even if it was very early . I know she thought the four of us in the same bed was odd , did I mention we had two dogs with us . . I wasn 't really able to move at all last night . But sleeping with Kristin was worth it . I was up earlier than I should have been , not a surprise , and as I looked outside I saw snow . There wasn 't much snow on the ground , about a dusting I would say ( for all of you Texans reading this that means there was about as much snow on the ground as there is powdered sugar on a funnel cake ( For all of you health freaks out there a funnel cake is the most delicious thing you can get fried , its pretty much pancake mix fried and covered in powdered sugar ) ) , but it wasn 't there the night before when I had arrived . That day we got up and got around a little later in the day . Its kind of lame but we just wanted to hang out before we went out to see all the people . But we did manage to get out of the house and go up to see my grandma in the afternoon . She wasn 't there so I busted in the house and left her a note that we would be by some time later . Instead we drove back to the Skiles house and played video games with Karter and Kayla . While we were playing I decided to start a puzzle , a 1000 piece puzzle . I love puzzles but I don 't know if I 'll be able to get this done by the time we have to go home , especially with the time that I 'll have to do it . Kay night ! - - Kerry Today I woke up and went to work knowing that I would get off later than I wanted to . I was working until 5 I think . But that was way to late because I had a ten hour drive to Kansas that night . Well I went in to work with the best attitude I could have and things turned out to be pretty good . It was one of the few times that we had way too many cashiers . I had so many that I was sending them all over the store so that managers could sapp on their job and make us do it . Only kidding . But it was very crazy , it probably meant that later that evening they weren 't going to have to many at all . Well lunch came for me and Beatrice , one of my managers , was talking to me and found out that I had a ten hour drive ahead of me , so she told me to go home . I agreed that there were plenty of people and that they didn 't really need me so I told her I 'd work until one and then head out . At one I left Wal - Mart and headed back to my house to pick up Maymie . We then loaded up and headed to Kansas . Maymie sat up front so that she could help me with directions , she fell asleep about an hour in and wasn 't much help at all . But the weather was good and the driving went pretty quick while the sun was still up . I know that if you have been reading a while you know that I don 't like to drive , but maybe this time was different because I was by myself with just the dog or because I really wanted to see Kristin and Sawyer , but it wasn 't all that bad , except that it was ten hours of gruesome driving . I hate that drive . Once we arrived in Colby I went to the Skiles house . It was one in the morning and I was very tired . So Kristin and I carefully pulled everything in the house and then went up stairs with Maymie in my arms . All went well except for when I put the dog down and she started clacking like a cracker jack . Either way she calmed down and we went to sleep in the bed with Sawyer and Kayla . . not weird at all . . . she was on the opposite side of the bed . G ' night . - - Kerry Saturday was a crazy day in Kansas . Kristin woke up and had breakfast with my Aunts and mom at my Grandma 's house . I suppose there were a bunch of other people there but if I know my aunts there was probably a lot of jokes . I have been around those ladies enough times to know that there is always a lot going on when they are all around . Throw in a baby and there is a party . I do so love all of my aunts and wish I had been there to poke fun at them . I am glad that they got to see Sawyer though , right now he doesn 't know them but soon enough he 'll know who they are . Kristin also decided that she wanted her hair dyed . I know that I really have no opinion in how it looks unless she is checking to see if it is straight all the way around , so her getting it done with I 'm ten hours away is okay . She decided to go red , a really dark pretty red color . Kayla was going to dye it and it was her first time . Well I don 't know how it went at the time but I know that they had to apply it to some spots she missed later on . Plus I heard something about a bloody mess of a shirt , who knows what that means . In Texas all was not as exciting . I worked , and that was pretty much it . I worked int he morning and then when I got off I had to come home and make sure that the house was as clean as I could get it and then pack up the stuff that I needed for me and for Maymie with the quickness . I am not use to packing all of this stuff , and I really don 't know what all it is that Maymie needs . So I was on the phone the whole time with Kristin asking her what I needed to get for the dog . Its weird having to call some one and ask them what you need to pack . It makes you kinda feel like you ar in the basement of your house and your mom is yelling down the stairs , " Make sure you put two extra underwear ! I don 't want you to be wearing the same ones twice Kerry ! " Not that my mom did ever say that I " m just saying it feels like that . Tah . - - Kerry When I left you I said we were walking into destruction , or at least that we were ready for it , well we were right to be ready . At 12 am there were more people at Wal - Mart than should have ever been at that time . Plus because everything went on sale at that time we weren 't really prepared for it . We had planned just like we 'd always planned and just had tons of people coming in at five , but since the sale started earlier we had to coax a few into coming in earlier . To those few who did thank you so much for coming in you made it that much easier . But just because we weren 't prepared doesn 't mean that the customers thought we shouldn 't have been . They weren 't really very happy and even before we started checking people out we had grouchy people . I expected this but you never like it when you get it coming directly at you . I think the biggest problems were that the people who were there hadn 't been to sleep yet and some of them were smelling of alcohol . Not good to tick off a drunk who wants to buy something . But we made it though the first two hours of sales and then it slowed down just a bit . Justin and the others of us who had come in early were taking breaks and we all went out to eat in between shopping sprees . We went over to IHOP and had late evening talk , which is always funny , even when its not . From there we went back for round two . This time the sale went on a bit longer and Justin and I were run ragged . But we made it through and had a good blitz . I would like to say that I went home and slept for hours . . . I didn 't . I may have slept for a little bit but it wasn 't very long . These pictures weren 't taken today but they are of the times when Sawyer was introduced to the Barnetts , my side of the family . The top picture is my Grandma Barnett and Sawyer . They look like they got along pretty well . I have seen her give that face to many kids and it looks like he got it as well . This other picture is my mom and my little brother Braeden . To me it looks like he is going up to Sawyer and thinking , " Hey , that looksPosted by Today I was woken up very early with a call from Kansas . Kristin had just been told that her grandmother had passed away . It is a great thing to live , but to live a life that means something to every one you meet is an even greater thing . I know that I didn 't know Lola for very long but I know that she was a great woman and that she touched many many people . I was glad to know her and can 't wait to see her again some day . Bye for now . Kristin went back to sleep but I was unable to . I lay in bed for two hours before I decided to get up at around 6 : 30 in the A . M . That is really pretty early for me especially when I know that I will have to go to work at twelve that night . Well I was up so I picked up the house a bit and took a shower . After getting ready to go , I had to make sure that I was looking " so good " for Justin 's family tonight , I headed out to Justin and Stephanie 's house . The four of us were going to go see the New Harry Potter movie . I arrived at their house and we started watching a movie I 'll not name just in case you guys think you might want to watch it , you shouldn 't , and therefore I wont name it . . . but I 'll tell you that forever I am scarred and Justin never gets to pick movies on holidays again , maybe never . We left the house and I was suddenly taken back to the days when I was the new kid in town . I rode in the back of the car and I was going to a place that I 'd never been before . I had never been to eat a meal while watching a movie . ( My house doesn 't count . ) So we went to the movie tavern . The place was pretty cool and they had pretty good food too . The movie on the other hand was a real treat . I have always loved the Harry Potter movies but I think that this one was set higher on the bar . Though I have to agree with my dad that this wasn 't really a full movie , more like a half movie . . . now we have to wait for the other half . After the movie we went and hung out at the Deli house before we left for Justin 's moms . Now I won 't say that I have ever seen this before but Justin 's family does some rPosted by When winter comes around we all know that it is going to get cold . I am always prepared for it . I know that mid November the air drops and it gets colder . Here it is welcomed because it has usually been such a hot summer . But the problem with that is that when you move quickly from Texas to north Kansas a lot changes . The weather is much colder and the wind blows way harder . There aren 't any trees or large buildings to stop the wind from blowing . That , along with the lack of rain , keeps the air up there much dryer . From what Kristin was telling me it was just as bad as it sounds . The air makes the cold different then what we are down here . The cold here is chilling and whet so it goes through the skin pretty quick , but there the cold just rests on top of the skin and freezes a persons casing . Very cold . Inside it was warm and Griffin and Sawyer decided to play on the changing mat . ( I 'm not sure what day this photo was taken but I know it was taken in Kansas . ) The two cousins probably didn 't choose their place to play but they were wobbling around on the ground and scooting about each other . Some day we 'll show these two this Pisces picture of them , probably after they start romping around and getting crazy . LeeAnn and Harry left back for Texas today , but Kristin stayed in Kansas . She didn 't have to work so she took the liberty to stay with her grandma just a little longer . It had been a rough couple of days and so the girls didn 't stay up at the hospital , they both went home and tried to get some sleep . Back on the ranch . . . ( tell me where that is from ) , I was working today , the last day before Thanksgiving and we were busy . People always wait until the last day to do their shopping . So today is like taking a list of things you need for Thanksgiving and marking it off as we ran out of stuff . I would have been disappointed if we 'd have run out of ham but I wasn 't going to get any of that this year . I was glad though because I know tomorrow I will be going over to Justin 's moms to have Thanksgiving dinn . . . . SUPPER wKerry Barnett So Kristin and Sawyer have been in Colby since Sunday , for those of you who can 't count that 's several days . But three days without them is really killer on me . It might sound a little girlie but I miss them . I am well aware that its okay for a guy to miss his wife and kid but its really weird for me . You see historically I didn 't miss very many people , and if I did miss them there wasn 't any real effect that it had on me . But I suppose when you change your life for some one it kinda changes you when they leave the picture , even if it is just for a few days . I think that the thing I 'm most worried about is him growing up . Its only a few days but in the hospital the kid changed in just a few hours . I 'm just glad that I have work and crazy Thanksgiving shoppers to keep me occupied until I get to see them again . In the late after noon I called Kristin and found out that they didn 't receive good news for her grandma . We had hopped that this time was just a scare like last time , but Kristin said that they don 't expect her to get better . I know that really isn 't something you want to hear on a blog . Blogs are suppose to be nice , and mine are suppose to make you laugh . ( If they don 't then you have a poor sense of humor ) But some days you just have to wake up and realize that today is not every day . Its harder , it makes you struggle a little more . You have to push through the snow , or swim up stream . Today Kristin 's family had to move their grandma to the serenity room . That move is such a struggle , but you do it because you want her to be as comfortable as possible . I know that doing things like this is tough and no matter what you push through , and what gets pushed on you a person just has to remember its just another day . Do you ever get cramps in your hands ? Some times , when I type , I get them . The thing with these cramps is that they don 't come after typing too fast , or too long , they just come any old time that they want to . Most of the time its in my left pinky finger . I don 't know why but it really hurts . It alsoPosted by Monday started very early for Kristin . She and the Hopkins arrived in Colby at around 6 in the morning . Kristin hadn 't been able to sleep , and as far as I know Sawyer kept Harry up as well , poor guy . So Kristin went in immediately to see her grandma . She said that when her grandma saw her two great grand babies her face lit up . The hole day in Colby was spent up at the hospital . Kristin was able to hand out with her grandma for a while and Sawyer was stolen by various adults and paraded around the hospital . It was good she was able to see her grandma but she didn 't get any sleep at all and was up for well over thirty hours . This picture to the right is the four generation picture with Great Grandma Lola , Grandpa Skiles , Kristin and Sawyer . Its really good to have these pictures . Texas was much the same way . I was off today but had to get up early because there was a blitz meeting at 8 in the morning . It was early and I was ready for the meeting . When we 'd gotten there about every one in the store was there , at least all of the management team was , and we were all listening to the same stuff that had been told to us from years past about blitz . I guess that it is a good thing to have meetings like that because it makes sure we are all on the same page and it helps those of us who haven 't been through the event to be ready for it . After the initial meeting the CSMs had a meeting . After the meeting I waited for an hour with Davon in the back , I mean I didn 't have anything else to do . So we hung out in the smoke lounge and talked about family . Its very interesting to find out how people were raised and how others raised their kids and the difference it makes in a person . Once he had to clock into work Justin went to lunch . Well we decided to go to IHOP ( i didn 't have anything else to do ) . Well we walked over there and we were seated and then in about twenty minutes we were greeted . The severs badge said had one name but his name was another name so we weren 't really sure what to call him . Either way he took a long tiPosted by Time to get up , time to make your lunch , time for a shower , time for a shave , time to get your name tag and walkie . . . time to remember to put your pants on . Then it was off to work . Work was crazy , but in a different way than normal . Today there were so many associates there that it was nuts . I had every register opened , one training at the SD , and still had people I could send to help out around the store . If we had that many people there all the time then it would be great , also a lot less stressful . Saddly the day didn 't stay in the best position . Kristin got a call from her mom and she needed to head to Kansas to go see her grandmother in the hospital . I got off early so that I could help her pack up and get ready to go , also so I could spend some time with her before she left . I got home and we loaded the fastest packing job in the world up and were ready to go . I took her over to LeeAnn and Harry 's house so that she could hitch a ride . The five , two babies and three adults , there is a long night of driving for them . I on the other hand went home and hung out watching some movies , and then went to sleep . ( I probably should have written a blog . ) - - Kerry I want to write a disclaimer to the several blogs that aren 't written . It has been a crazy couple of weeks and well we came up a bit short on the blog writing time . So we haven 't written things for almost three weeks . I will do my best to catch up the blog as quickly as possible but you know . . life comes at you fast ! Today started with an early shift for me . It is the week before blitz and so the shoppers are around . I wouldn 't say they were in full blow out I 'm going to punch your head off if you take my item shopping but there were plenty of people there . After I got off work I had to head over to Brenda 's house , she is a lady that Kristin works with , for Sawyers last baby shower . They wanted to wait until after he was born so they could get all the right things for him , and probably to wait until things slowed down around our house . Well when I got off of work I gps 'd my way over to her house and after getting flustered and turning the wrong direction , and thinking I was going the wrong way when I wasn 't . I found it and Kristin . Kristin was at the party for a bit before I got there and they had a good time playing guess the diaper crap . I 'm not really sure if that is the name of the game but it is where they take chocolate bars and melt then in a diaper and make you guess what kind of candy it is . She won which means she is really good at knowing what melted candy looks like , or she has seen a baby eat a candy bar . After that there was the cake and then the presents . He received a bunch of cool stuff including a hand made train that Brenda 's granddad made , we 'll take a good picture of it and put it up here later but its really pretty cool . Today we also had some news that Kristin 's grandma was wasn 't doing well . She was suppose to leave the hospital after a two week stay and this morning they said she wasn 't doing well enough to go home . Not all news is good news . - Kerry This picture is not my baby ! This picture is not the picture of a baby that I do not know of , therefore it is a picture of a baby of which I know . Of course . This is Justin and Stephanie 's baby . I will now announce previous to it being announced because I am way to far behind on the blog that this is a boy baby . And such as he is a he which he is he will be named Jordan . Which is a holy river . I am really excited for this baby to come because that means there will be this dude to hang out and play with Sawyer . As they grow up they can tell farting jokes with each other and get left out because they are too cool , because they will be , and they will be awesome . Good to go . So we are preparing for Black Friday . This is the day of the year when people think , " gosh I 'm up early , " and also , " This is the busiest shopping day of the year ! " The truth is , that it often isn 't . Many times the busiest day of the year has fallen to the Saturday before Christmas and Black Friday has dropped to the fifth and sixth busiest days on some years . SO it is not true that this year is the busiest . It is true that it is the start of the shopping season . People are coming and going more often from the store this time of year than other other . Which brings us to our next myth , which is the reason it is named Black Friday . I use to believe that the term came from the fact that stores would be in the profit on this day . Meaning that in the olden days they would switch from a red inked pen to a black inked pen . The truth is that the term really from Philly where the police would say that it was Black Friday because they pedestrian and vehicular traffic would rise to the point of traffic jams . The jams were not the kind you spread on bread and so they didn 't like them much at all . So they called the day Black Friday . At least it wasn 't because they were racist . ☺ But we at Wal - Mart make sure that we spend at least a weeks worth of time and preporation to get ready for this one day of the year . I know that I have looked over schedules severalPosted by That 's right Conan O ' Brien is back on television . I have to say that when Conan was forced off the air on his last show I was very disappointed and felt that it was very wrong . Conan has been my favorite evening talk show host for a long time now and so to see him come back after a six month time away from television really makes me feel good . Maybe you don 't get as excited as I do about Conan but you all have your things that you love . Maybe its a football team or player , or another television show or even just the McRib . ( Which is also back if I do so mention ) But I love that tall red headed Irish tv host . Conan is very funny and he does things unconventionally but the reason I think I like watching his show more than anything else is because he is just an inch taller than I am . So when he stands up to talk to his guests I figure thats just about what I would look like if I were standing next to the same person . I also realized that if I were on tv I would be freakishly tall . Sorry man . Either way Conan has his full episodes on the internet so that I can watch them the day after they air . Thank you Conan , thank you TBS . In other news , my baby , thats right , Sawyer , is growing up . I was changing his diaper the other day and thought to myself , " I 'm hungry , I think I " ll have a cookie , " but just after that thought I thought , " This diaper looks like it could possibly be to small for this child , or maybe the child is just to big for the diaper . Perhaps the diaper to child ratio isn 't all that important but the containment of the matter for which the diaper holds , if so then it is still a little sketchy . " After that thought Kristin and I talked about how we thought that Sawyer might be to big for his diapers , but we don 't know yet . I can 't say that I remember what size I was when I switched for the new born to the a little bigger baby diapers . I don 't even remember if I ever wore pull ups . Probably not . I was probably the kid who still had to wear the diaper but never got the pull ups so when I was potty training I wouPosted by Don 't give up on the Blog yet ! I know it seems like we 've been slacking and that we really don 't care about the blog any more . But really we do , we do care . I know that Kristin hasn 't written a blog in the past for a while now but she wants to . She almost wrote one the other day . So don 't give up on the blog yet . There are many more things to come . There will be some funny moments and some sad , some happy and glad , some stupid and bad but no there wont every be any mad . . . I hope . Either way I decided that I really did need to stop letting myself get so far behind . I was almost a week behind again . If I can 't even keep up with this blog how on earth am I going to keep up with school ? It was a little while back when we went to the doctor and saw that Sawyers cord looked like it was just hanging on and we thought that it was prematurely falling off . It was in the second week . So the doctor took a look at it and thought the same thing so he used some special sauce and swabbed the kids belly to see if he could create a belly button . Well there was a brown stain on both Sawyer 's belly and Kristin 's hand . We looked it up and found out that this was because of the Silver Nitrate that the Doctor used on his belly . Well the next visit the Doctor told us that the Silver Nitrate could leave a sort of brown mark on the skin . . we told him we knew . But he said the bely button looked good only had a little scabby bit left in there . So we waited for the scabby bit to fall out . We waited and waited and it never fell out . So I took it out . . don 't worry folks it wasn 't attached to anything and I was very careful to make sure I didn 't hurt him . We still waited a few more days and then we decided that it was time for the kids first real bath . The blue bath tub came from my mom and we laid it in the sink and filled it up with some water . We set the kid inside and started dumping water all over him . I will say at first I don 't think he really liked it to much but then of course he decided that he was the son of a scuba diver and so he tPosted by Okay so I didn 't order all of this food . I ordered most of it . I like the burger and I like the fries and all I wanted was an extra hot dog so that I could try their Chicago style . Since watching man verses food and seeing all the magical things that happened when you mixed it up with hot dogs I just have to try them at every place that sells them . But I didn 't order the second set of fries . The lady just brought me out two full meals . I will say proudly that I didn 't eat both of the meals , I had help . I did eat both the burger and the hot dog though , and it was pretty good . Even if I was spilling relish all over my phone . Thank goodness I had my new cover . The picture actually turned our really good as it was me trying my best not to look the fatty . Thanks Stephanie . The four of us were out tonight because Justin and Stephanie found out what their baby is . Of course by now most of you probably know what it is but aren 't really suppose to be telling any one because the big release is on Sunday . Its okay because I know what it is and I am keen enough to tell it without sounding the fool or making any one mad so if you came here then you will learn things that you wouldn 't have learned any where else . So after they found out they made sure to call us up and I told them that I wanted to go out and eat so that we could celebrate the life they were bringing into the world and the fact that we now knew more about that life then we had ever known before . I was so glad to hear their voices on the phone when he called us and let us know . I remember months ago when they were on the other side of the board and they were very excited to hear about what we were having . I can 't really say I know how they feel because I felt different than most people feel . But I can exact that they were and are very excited to tell the world the sex of their child . I suppose that it is now time to release the information that all of you want to know . Well we all know something that we aren 't really suppose to tell and that information can be vPosted by I am very confused . I listen to much music and many times the words don 't make much sense to me . I don 't understand what a swag is unless it is depicting the degenerate way a drunkard walks in the evening after a full night out . I also don 't get why I would say " wats up " to myself in the mirror . Perhaps we are leaning toward earlier literature such as Alice in wonderland or Snow White where mirrors do much more that just show reflection . In any case repeating the same words in a song many times in a row doesn 't make it catchy . I know I 'm right , you can ask all my single ladies . In other news today I noticed that I used the same picture of Sawyer twice . Yesterday I was suppose to use this one when instead I used another that had already been posted . I know its redundant but I don 't care much , I just whip my hair back and forth . As you can see I am still quite a bit behind on the blog and so I have no idea what day this post is suppose to be going up . I guess I can check , oh yes Monday . I haven 't worked in a Monday in so long . I thought that I didn 't have to work today but I did , and at 10 . But before work we had a CSM meeting along with a cashier meeting and they were at 8 and 9 so I would be working a very long day to say the least . With a full morning of meetings I was tired of sitting but I realized I had the magic in me to get what ever we needed done done . There were some revolutionary things going to happen on the front end , and those things begun with an apron . My manager and I made an apron so that an associate could promote the Wal - Mart Credit Card . I 'm telling you that I know people are susceptible to things but this was dynamite . People were really interested in the girl with the apron , either that or they were creeped out by her and just to get her off their back they agreed with her . I took off from work early witch was good because I needed to get some time with Kristin . We are realizing how much time we don 't have with each other because of Sawyer . I understood before that there was going to be a loPosted by I stare at my kid ! Pretty awesome ! He is ! But while I was staring at him I noticed something very strange . He isn 't just him he is more like a little bit of every one in my entire family , most every one in my family at least . As I look at him I notice that I can see my little brother Braeden in him , well he looks like him some what . I also see my older brother and my nephew , little brother , parents , grandparents , wife , brother in law , and Kristin 's parents . Oddly enough I have yet to see mine or Kristin 's sisters in him , I 'm sure that they will come to the surface soon enough . The reason that this was so interesting to me was because it got me to thinking about how many people it took to make this baby . There were my parents and my parents parents and all the decisions they made to get to the point they were at and the same with Kristin 's parents . The opinions and options of all of these people had a hand in making this kid . So I just want to thank all of you out there for sacrificing what you did for Sawyer , he doesn 't know it yet but he appreciates it as much as I do . I should also mention candy . Justin and Stephanie brought some candy over to our house the other day and it was sitting on the desk here at the computer . The problem with being a Barnett and having candy , or food of any type really , with in reaching distance there is a good chance that I am going to eat it . I don 't know why it is . My dad has said that we eat when we are bored just because our bodies want to do something . But I find that we eat any time that there is food around . I say we and am including my dad and both of the other two of my brothers and probably my littlest brother also . I know its the same with my uncles and most of their kids , so I think it just has to do with us . Eleven days ! We are going to go back to see family for 11 days . Of course because I work at Wal - Mart I wont get to do it until after Christmas but I know that I am going and even that excites me . I enjoy thinking about going , the hard part is planning when to go . ItsPosted by The first thing I would like to bring attention to is the picture to the right here . This is a picture of a game that I found on my iphone . The game is called lil ' Pirates and its pretty fun and pleasantly addicting . The game makes you a pirate , though not real scary , and yo9u have tasks you can send your crew mates to do . You in fact are the captain on a ship that you build bigger and place mostly random objects on . Either way I started playing this game and have now brought in a few other people . I think five . The picture here is my ship doing battle with one of the ships in the game . I destroyed that poor bloke . . . and that 's why I am awesome . Put a hook in that ! Second I am curious why Pirates , though better than ninjas , are so involved in my life . I mean there are many things you could have be in your life but for some reason there are just a lot of pirate things that come up in my day to day activities and in the stuff that I have . Of course I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies , like playing the game lil ' Pirates , enjoy a shanty or two but a lot of what I do deals with Pirates . Pirate ducks , birthday cards , t - shirts , the list is nearly endless . Maybe God just thinks that I would be the kind of guy looks good with an eye patch and have a parrot as a pet . I do love to put a hook in it . Well so that I don 't make this blog all about pirates I 'll throw something else in here . He 's a real boy ! I know he was born a real human but for the first two weeks of his life Sawyer was basically a sleeping doll . Now he is still much like a pet but now he does stuff . I 'm not saying that I can take the kid out back and throw the ball with him but he looks at people and says things to them . I know it sounds unbelievable but this isn 't just screaming its like he knows that we are suppose to be talking and is trying to get in the conversation . Maybe not . . but it seems like it . He also reaches for things but most of the time just ends up punching them . Also he started doing a good job of pulling hair , pretty awesome . I 'm jusPosted by Yep that 's right , Sawyer is a gangster . He does hood rat things with his friends . You know like the sort of things that get you into trouble but also make you look cool . I " ll give an example . He makes sure that he waits until after his diaper is changed to take a monster dump in it . Isn 't that nice of him . Then he just sits there and looks like that < - - so I can 't do any thing about it . Guess that 's what happens when your kid is awesome too . Kristin found out that there have been some major developments at her job . Her manager , the beloved Lenny , is leaving CVS . We are shedding many sad tears for this because he was a really good manager and Kristin liked him well . Of course he liked her too and that may have had something to do with how she felt about him . I don 't know . Either way he will be missed . And we 'll have to figure out what kid of days we 'll be allowed off to go to the Northern states for Christmas in January . Sawyer is getting to be a big kid . I guess I say that because I think he looks really big for his age . So we measured him and I know that its only an estimate because I don 't have all the fancy stuff a doctors office has but if we are careful we can at least get a pretty good reading . Either way we measure him and we thing he measured at 22in long and weighed about 9lb 12oz . Of course this isn 't super accurate but its the best we can do until his two month appointment . If we took good measurements though that would put him in the 95 percentile for both length and weight . Which , if I may quote , would make him a " monster . " Yay for buying cloths for a monster . - - Kerry I woke up one morning and Christmas just threw up . I am now seeing the commercials and the signs hanging every where . We are making thousand dollar sales for people who buy lights to decorate their houses and yards along with their businesses . There is the sight of snow , of course only on facebook , but its still there . A north wind came in and blew really hard and cold air on me as I was running . The heater has been switched on and I 'm thinking about hot chocolate . In light of all of this I haven 't posted a blog in a while so I 'm warning you that these next few blogs will be very unorganized and may have no relevance to the day they are given . Still they should be interesting and I know you all want me to catch up and keep up , so here goes . This is a picture of Sawyer . He is my baby . I know that Kristin is also my baby but he is smaller and needs me to change his diaper , she can change hers on her own . I was thinking about it and realized that I need to work very hard on building this little boy up . He is my first and so he will most likely take responsibility of me when i am old and cranky . ( I know I 'm already cranky ) So i need to train him to be a giver and a builder . He needs to be smart and clever and able to speak clearly without disrespect . He 'll need to have a strong sense for work and great ethics . These are the things that I want from him sot hat he can take care of me . If he decides to put me in a home I 'll disown him . Just kidding . Work has been pretty interesting . This week I know that it was still really slow but we are going into the weekend and it should be much busier . Its disgusting that people run around and shop like crazy the two weeks before thanksgiving all the way until Christmas and then return about 10 % of everything after the holiday . I don 't know that I would be a good Christmas shopper . I think that I 'd probably run around moving things from one persons cart to another just to see if I could tick some one off . Heh . I 'm a terrible person . That 's why I shop on the internet . Ta . - Kerry Zomigosh ! This is blog number 200 , 200 people . Can you believe we made it this fart ? Er . . far . ( That 's just for you mom . ) I am really surprised . I mean after going to Colby , and taking other trips , having a baby , and all the work that was put into it you 'd think that maybe we wouldn 't still be doing this . I know that I didn 't but I 'm sure some people thought that this wouldn 't be here any longer than a few weeks at the most . I 'm just glad that I can still find the time to put something up here . Today before I went to work LeeAnn and Griffin came over . They brought lunch and hung out with Kristin for a good portion of the afternoon . I 'm not sure the cousins know each other better than they did before but you never know with little kids . We are excited to have them hang out in the future when Sawyer is a little older . It was good to see them though . I know the Kristin enjoys getting to see people as she probably feels pretty cooped up here at the house all day long . I know that I would . So today was my second day back to work . Amazingly my feet didn 't really hurt after yesterday 's eight hours . Well today was little different than yesterday . We are in full Christmas swing at Wal - Mart and we are receiving more and more candy for the season . Of course since we are in full swing so should the customers , but oddly enough the two days I have been there it hasn 't really been that busy . I 'm kinda disappointed but hopefully the weekend will make up for it . Just because it was slow doesn 't mean that I can say that it was boring . There is always plenty to get done especially when you are down a few CSMs . So I was running around doing work for most of the evening until about eight . At that time I was coming up front from the back so that Sam could go home . As I walked up front I found that we had a situation . The door handle to our accounting office was not working with our keys so we couldn 't get it . We tried everything we knew and we called a manager who tried everything that he knew of and we still couldn 't get the thing toPosted by I started the day by running . This week was the start of normality again . So yesterday I worked out and today I ran . I know that you go down hill when you don 't run after a while but I 'm hoping that I haven 't stayed off of it for too long because I 'd really like to get back to running int he double digits again . It was the first day back and work and I didn 't have to go in until three so I cooked a late breakfast . Pancakes and eggs . I have been wanting pancakes for a while but I 'm a bit of a syrup snob and we haven 't had my syrup , so I haven 't made any . Today I made some good ones . Some people can 't make the first pancake without messing it up . Its like the trial pancake that you never get right . Today I made that pancake right . Your welcome . While I was at work Kristin did work . She cleaned the house and did all the laundry we had while taking care of a little boy . She 's a pretty awesome mom . She also decided that tonight she wouldn 't give him a bath and see if he sleeps better and then we 'll give him a bath tomorrow morning . Well the first day back was interesting to say the least . I walked up tot he front and was handed keys and then was found to be the only CSM there . Almost immediately there was a gentleman who complained about cigarettes . Followed closely behind by a crying milk lady . But we did work and it turned out to be a pretty good evening . I did miss my scary arms so Kristin took a good picture of it and there he is for you . This hook picture is of Jade , the girl who told me the hook story , I 'm not sure what she is going for in this picture . Perhaps a hungry pirate or a fruit commercial . Either way . - - Kerry This is the last day before I head back to work . Wow two weeks has really come and gone since I was at work ? Crazy . I 'm not going to lie I am excited about going back to work tomorrow but leaving Kristin and Sawyer here will be hard . These past two weeks I have been learning all about Sawyer and all the quirky things he does . Getting up and changing him at night is a pleasure because I know that 's time I get to spend with him , even if it is in lieu of a messy diaper . Today we had a doctors appointment to check Sawyers weight . Dr . Smalley wants to make sure that he is back up to birth weight . Last week he was 7lb 14oz so he was down seven ounces from when he was born . We figure if he gains an ounce a day he 'll make it back up to that weight . Well we got to the doctors and there was very little waiting and we were in and stripping the kid down to see how much he weighed . 8lb 14oz . He gained a whole pound since last week . That 's just nuts . So no only did he make it to his birth weight he over did it by 9 ounces . Funny thing is he really isn 't soft , still a pretty solid kid . From there we did the usual Wal - Mart run and made sure to show of this growing kid to every one . ( Including Andi ) Plus we bought groceries . I know that is a small victory but you know some times you just don 't know how you are going to buy them . Lately Kristin hasn 't been working and we have money in the bank in case we need it but we really want to use that money for Christmas and traveling so we are trying to just use my money to take care of everything . Its been really hard but we are making it by right now . I want all of you who get Christmas presents from us to know how much we sacrificed for you . . . just kidding its just organizing , all organizing . Okay this picture is a hook picture with a gummy worm as the hook . I 'd say its the first time in my life the worm was used as the hook instead of the bait . Thanks Charlie . - Kerry I know that Sawyer has been out of the house plenty since we brought him home , but we hadn 't yet taken him out some where for an outing that would last more than a couple hours . So today we decided that we would take the kid out to his first sporting event , and of course with a dad like me why wouldn 't it be a soccer game ? It was . We went out to watch M . J . Eckart and the rest of her team play against some other team . Well we hadn 't ever been to the fields where they played and so I looked it up on my phone and drove there . Well we turned down the road that it was suppose to be on and it was blocked . So we found another way around as did every one following us . Well when we got there we knew that they were playing on field one . Sadly none of the fields were marked and there weren 't any signs anywhere showing which field was field one . So we walked all around until finally I found some one who could tell me where field one was . Oh the field we parked by , awesome . We walked back over to the field and were looking for a place to sit and there were the bleachers but they were filled because some ladies had their legs stretched out so we decided just to sit in the sun so that Sawyer wasn 't cold . Well apparently we were in the way of those ladies who were stretched out and they told us to move . Kristin took Sawyer to the car and watched the game from there and I went around until I found Linda , M . J . 's mom . She and I bashed the players on the other team and had a great commentary . From the game we went to look at Christmas stuff at Garden Ridge . There is a ton of Christmas stuff there . We were looking for a good ornament for him but we didn 't really find anything . Better luck next time . This picture is the second hook picture i 've recieved its of my little sister and Peyton . They were out eating some where and mom snapped this of them . Awesome . - Kerry Posted by Every since I started watching Man Vs . Food I have wanted Adam Richman to come to the town that I live in . I use to live in Amarillo and I have been to some of the restaurants that he showed on his show . No I haven 't ever had the 72oz steak . But now I live in Dallas and he has yet to come here or even anywhere near here . So I have been searching for a place that would serve all my delicious fatty foods to me . Well ladies and gents I may have found it . Today Jim and I went to Burgers & Brats . I have been eying this place for a while but Kristin hasn 't ever felt in the mood . So as a victory meal for having an awesome kid Jim and I went there today . As we walked in the first thing I noticed about the place was that it was smaller . Most of the time smaller places either have really good food or really poor food . Well as we walked up to the counter I put in my order for two bratwurst and he for a burger . Then we waited . Well Jim 's burger came out with crumbled bacon and shredded cheese piled on top of the burger and a load of fries . My brats came out covered in onions with a side of sour kraut and German hot potato salad . That was probably the best food I have had in a long time . Both Jim and I , along with several of my friends on facebook , approve . After eating I went back to the house and Samantha Hernandez came over to see Sawyer . Her and Kristin exchanged stories about having babies and what happens afterwards . We are glad to have friends who have already been through having a kid . The experiences are great from both sides . Later on in the evening Jim and his Samantha came by to play Monopoly . This thrilling game is played by my family but not by my wife . She thinks that it takes too long to play and it isn 't that fun . It is arguable as we were playing for five hours before the game was done . Jim won . . . barely . - - Kerry Sawyer has been sleeping really good lately except when he doesn 't . Still I think that we are getting on well as far as sleeping . I had a few people tell me that the first two weeks are the hardest . I wonder if that 's because they went back to work after two weeks or if its because they just had a rough time the first two weeks . I would say that the first two weeks aren 't that bad but if they are the worst then lets get ready for the best . Today we went to CVS for the first time so that all of Kristin 's co - workers could meet Sawyer . They were all head over heels about him . We talked about how we are glad that he isn 't an ugly baby . I know you 've seen those kids out there that you are just thinking , " Why yes , you do have a face only a mother could love . " And for that we thank you . Today was my dad 's birthday . He 's older than me by a few years but still not old enough to be called old . HAH ! I put these pictures of him up because I thought that I would not only picture him but his greatest achievements . . Just kidding . No every one in the picture loves him and so I thought it would be fitting to place us all there . I love my dad , I 'm glad that he raised me the way he did . I 'm glad he still helps me with things that I need help on . He taught me how to think and how to respect people even when you don 't want to respect them . I know that I own my managing skills to him and so much more . Happy Birthday Dad . I also wanted to post this picture because its probably the most epic picture my brothers and I have ever been in . Kristin 's and my evening started with us watching , or at least beginning to watch , Iron Man . I 'm getting ready for the Avengers movies coming out next year . Super pumped . - - Kerry To sleep is to dream , but some times you don 't . I have been sleeping really pretty good with Sawyer even if I have to get up three to four times in the night to change a diaper . Hes a pretty good kid and doesn 't keep us up to much but what I am missing is dreaming . I didn 't realize it until yesterday but I haven 't had many dreams lately . For some people that would just be the normality of it all but I dream every night . But lately because I have been waking up at night have haven 't dreamt at all . I guess waking up to a little baby angel makes it all worth while . Kristin isn 't sleeping as well as I am and I think that feeding Sawyer takes a lot out of her . She has been sleep walking a lot lately so we are working on things to keep her from getting tired . I have let her sleep more but I don 't know that she is getting the quality sleep that she really needs . I 'm really hoping that she can get some good sleep here in the next few weeks . If not we may have an angry mommy and you know when mommy ain 't happy ain 't nobody happy . Well today we decided we wanted to play monopoly . I decided that but no one will play with me . Instead we played the New Moon game . I will tell you that is probably the worst game ever made . I would rather play hungry hungry hippos . Its basically a teen age girl game that they can all giggle and laugh about the movie as they play it . I won but I will never play the game again . Justin came over before he had to go teach tonight . He and I played three rather intense games of Words with Friends . I do my best to destroy his winning streak . I did . But then he began it again . Its pretty crazy because we play all three games at the same time . Sad really . This is the first hook picture I received . It is Stephanie and Baby Deli with a hook in it . Its a little blurry but you get to see the hook so that 's all that matters . Well I hate to end this blog right here because I feel as if it is unfulfilled . . . but I don 't know what else to add . Kay Bye . - - Kerry Last night we didn 't hear from our neighbors below us but we also didn 't have a kid crying as much as he had the night before . This time he was just fussy . I know fussy kids , but some times I think that the kids are trying to tell us something . How frustrating do you think that it is to be a child who wants to communicate but he can 't , at least he can 't communicate the way we can . But he can hear and he has made the connection that when he presses air out of his lungs he makes a loud sound . So if he can hear that sound then he is sure that some one else can also hear that sound , and until he gets what he wants he will continue to make sounds like this . So then he feels hands wrapping around him and he is lifted out of bed into someones arms . He calms down , but its not what he wants so he starts screaming again . He doesn 't want to be rocked , he doesn 't want to swing , he doesn 't want to dance , he doesn 't want this he wants something else . So even if his crying is not as loud its still there and he will keep crying until he gets what he wants . He is put down so he yells again , he is picked up again . Finally he is handed from one set of arms to another . This second set takes him and lays him on her chest . She smells nice , he likes that smell . These are the hands he wanted to hold him . Some times a kid just wants his mom . We got up pretty early , 8am to be exact , because we had an appointment at the WIC office . Sawyer needed to be added on so that they could get food that was good for him . They also wanted to check and make sure that both Kristin and him were healthy . They are ! I was glad so we went to McDonalds for breakfast , glory ! Well neither of us were able to get back to sleep so we stayed up and got dressed . I with a sneaky plan to get Kristin some more sleep started playing a video game . She did just as I suspected and fell asleep on the couch behind me . I was glad she could get a nap . Sawyer got up later in the day and he was wide eyed . I like goofing off with him when he is like that . I was putting my fingersPosted by Since having a baby I have found that there are two things that have drastically changed about my blogging . First of all most of the blogs are going to start off some where in the middle of the night or at least they will have mention to it . Secondly there is a lot of talk about baby diapers in these blogs that there wasn 't before . Last night I was up , no I was more like sleep walking , but I was changing a rather nasty diaper . Sawyer liked it about as much as I did but instead of cringing his face into a raisin like shape he let it all out and started screaming . Well as I indicated the diaper was a blowout and the butt was in need of a great deal of wiping . So I , with the steady had of a well practiced surgeon , took the baby wipe and cleaned out all the slits and cracks a baby is born with . Still as I was doing this Sawyer was raising his opposition and then our of nowhere the neighbors beneath us ( physically not figuratively ) were banging on their ceiling and our floor . I 'm sorry my baby is crying . . . After we woke up hours later I made biscuits which turned out to be pretty good but not great . Really they were just cut a bit thin and the oven was turned up a tad high . So I think that next time I make them they will probably turn out to be really good . Later on Rachel , a girl who worked with me at Wal - Mart , brought cookies , oh and her daughter Audra . They came over to see Sawyer . Rachel is going to have a baby next year so I think she wanted Audra to get a taste of what a baby might be like . It 'll be their third kid so I 'm sure they are ready , and probably pretty excited . Sawyer loves baths . No we aren 't yet dunking him under the water but we do get to wash him with a cloth . He doesn 't like that so much but once we are done scrubbing him down and we get to wash his hair get gets pretty excited . I 'm a mean daddy and I splash water in his face on purpose and in the beginning Kristin scolded me but he doesn 't care so I just keep doing it ' cause its funny . I guess that probably means he 'll like the water ? I hope so . IPosted by One week ago today you were born . One week ago today you changed our lives and filled us up with something we 'd never had before . One week ago we learned what scary arms were . One week ago your grandmas simultaneously heard you crying your first cries . One week ago God made a miracle , and every day since He 's done it again . So today we had the second doctors appointment . Basically we went in there and weighed Sawyer ( up 3 . 5 oz ) , and then we measured him ( 21in ) . Then they checked the regular things they check on babies . The only thing that was of any real significance was that his cord looked to me as if it was only hanging on by a string and I know that there aren 't any nerve endings in it but it still looked like it was going to hurt . So Dr . Smalley cauterized it . I haven 't any idea what all that is suppose to do but I guess that it 'll be fine . He said there wasn 't anything that we had to do for it so we are just leaving it alone . After the doctor we went to Wal - Mart so that I could get all of my paperwork set up so I was getting paid while I take all this time off . We got all of that set up and then left the walls with Justin in tow . The four of us went to the hospital to get Sawyers foot pricked and put some blood on some paper for some tests . And that 's as clear as mud . While we were on our way out we ran into Jim . Sadly yesterday Jim broke his leg , or a small bone in it at least . Poor guy , its one of the slender long bones to probably one of the easiest to get broken . Well we spent the afternoon with Justin at our house and then we lazied the night away . I 'm about to go to sleep right now . Hope you kids have a good night , sorry it was so short . - - Kerry |
I got off the night train from Copenhagen without having slept much , which was the usual when traveling overnight in a train . I don 't know how I got to the hotel , because I musta sleepwalked the whole way . I don 't remember anything else until I woke up in the hotel bed at around four in the afternoon . I didn 't realize it until later , that I should have been starving , but I wasn 't . Perhaps it had to do with finally being in a city I 'd heard so much about . I 'd had a Dutch friend in high school who always scoffed at the reputation Amsterdam had , that its most famous landmark was the red light district . She would lecture everyone about the canals and the great art museum and so on . Most didn 't listen . I suddenly smiled . I didn 't want to do much on my first day , there being so little left of it anyway , so I figured that , even though I wasn 't going to actually GET a prostitute , I would never forgive myself if I didn 't at least go SEE the red light district , see if it was everything it was made out to be . Some said it was dangerous , with the drugs and the free - in one sense of the word - sex and all , but I didn 't buy it , because the city obviously generated a lot of money from tourists and the locals wouldn 't let the moneybags come to harm . Like I said , no prostitute for me , but I had heard there were live sex shows , and again , I figured I had to at least check it out , or I might regret it later , in my old age . Okay , that idea was set . From the hotel balcony I could easily make out the area , delineated by such landmarks as the university and the big church with the no - longer fourteenth - century - vintage clock at the top . I would later find out you could go up to the tower and take in the sights , which might include glimpses of the prostitutes leading the johns into their lair . Anyway , my point was , I could see where the red light district was and I 'd already decided to go check it out , just to say I had . As I walked in that direction , I found myself wavering . I 'd never been a sex maniac , never been in such a frenzy that I HAD to have it . Sure , I love sex , and there had been times I 've been horny , but I found out quickly that , if I DIDN ' T get it , I wouldn 't spontaneously combust or wake up dead the next morning . Therefore , as I walked through the streets and over the canals , I told myself that no matter what might rise , I wouldn 't particularly do anything about it . On the other hand , I was notoriously weak when it came to redheads , and if I saw a huge - busted Barbie blonde that no man could say no to . . . well , I just had to leave the door open , if only a crack . Red neon marked houses of legal , if ill , repute , but what if they weren 't on in the daytime ? Still , they did give a new meaning to the term " window - shopping . " What was strange was all the women walking around . Obviously some were tourists , there for the same reason I was , but you would have thought the workers were all behind the windows . Not so , as I got propositioned more than once . If you 're ever here , ladies , you should walk quickly and avoid contact with sleazy characters . . . unless you 're a sleazy character yourself , in which case you should duck the competition and ply your trade elsewhere . So now I 'd hyped myself up for it . . . so of course what I saw was a huge disappointment . There were no big blondes , not even a single redhead . All I saw were fat African girls right off the boat and old Asians . What was going on here ? Hmm . It was still afternoon ; perhaps the varsity didn 't come out until they knew there would be more customers , especially regulars . So that meant I 'd probably come back later . Definitely for the live sex show . I could hardly wait . . . The place was small and filled up , and I couldn 't see a single table empty . Luckily , though , I saw someone waving at me at the far end of the room . I couldn 't see them very well because the light from the window was darkening the features , but as I moved forward , I could see it was a young woman , maybe in her mid twenties , who was smiling at me and motioning to the empty seat across the table from her . I was hungry enough to take a seat from anyone , but this certainly helped . I couldn 't tell how tall she was - I like tall girls - but what I could see looked good . She had short light brown hair , usually not a style I liked , but it obviously worked for her . She had what used to be called a cameo face , and green eyes that twinkled almost too much ; a guy couldn 't think of anything else while looking at them . She smiled again , something I would realize she did a lot . . . later . Amazingly , when I look back , she 'd actually smiled LESS during that dinner than she usually did . That would have seemed silly , considering I really couldn 't remember a time she WASN ' T smiling during that first meeting . It didn 't take long for me to order the spaghetti - extra butter , please - and then we got down to the getting - to - know - you stuff . It wasn 't a typical pick - up kinda talk , but more like a lot of travelers do , where you talk about so many things for hours before realizing you don 't even know the other person 's name . If you 've ever see the movie Before Sunrise , you 'll know what I mean . I noticed she kept glancing at the door . It didn 't take me long to ask , even though I probably shouldn 't have . Still , I wanted to be prepared in case an angry boyfriend showed up . I didn 't want the spaghetti dumped on my head , even if I had ordered it without sauce . She sighed , and then I knew I shouldn 't have asked . Too late now . " My boyfriend was supposed to meet me after work , " she replied matter - of - factly . " We were supposed to have dinner and then go to the opera . I know he hates opera , and that he just goes because I ask him to , but he knows he can say no . Once he says yes , I expect him to be here . " " He 's two hours late , " she muttered , looking out the window . " He 's done this before , so I probably won 't see him for about a week . But this time it might be the last straw . . . " Damn ! Things were starting to sound better , but that was going too far ! She musta seen something in my face , for she laughed and told me not to worry . " He 's a jerk , but I always thought I could change him . Guess I was fooling myself You can 't change men . . . you can 't change people , " she corrected , not wanting to sound like a man - hater . She suddenly smiled again - big surprise . " You wouldn 't want me to try to change you , would you ? " She laughed , so I knew it hadn 't done any damage , and then she glanced at her watch again . I glanced out the window and saw that it was now dark . Wow ! Tempus fugit , sure as hell did , when you were having fun . I finally got to see her standing . She wasn 't particularly tall , but not short either . She was wearing a tight black dress that was certainly passable for the opera , but was not likely what she usually wore . It was certainly tight enough for me to see she had medium - sized , though pert , breasts and flaring hips that gave just a touch of voluptuousness to her otherwise slim frame . As I followed her toward the door , I noticed her ass was bubbly , which did her absolutely no harm . She had a body built for bed , though I had to admit sex was so much on my mind in the past few hours that I was far from being choosy at the moment . I certainly enjoyed looking over her body as we walked to the opera house , and if she noticed she didn 't seem to mind . I didn 't chance putting my arm around her shoulders , though . Dutch being a lot like German , there was no need for a translation screen during the musical spectacle . I didn 't know German , but I knew the work , so I didn 't miss much . A few times Jessica - I finally found out her name ! - leaned over and whispered a translation , but pretty soon she saw that it really wasn 't necessary . The next time she leaned over was so I could see she was giggling when I started humming along . One time she even kissed me on the cheek , which pretty much made me forget all about the second act . We didn 't leave our seats during the intermission , just stayed and talked . When I told her I was from El Ay , she wanted to hear all about Hollywood , and was disappointed when I told her I hardly ever went there , that it was a small and not - all - that - great piece of the huge city . I countered by remarking that she wouldn 't like it if people thought of Amsterdam as nothing but a huge red light district , and she gave a slight smile and a nod to show she understood the analogy . Sometime in the fourth act her hand snaked across the seat divider and held mine . I struggled not to make too much of it , just gave it a playful squeeze and kept watching the ship as the captain steered it toward the one woman who might be in love with him . She seemed content by that - she being Jessica , not the captain 's babe - although there was a feeling in the air that there was more to come later . After the opera we had a late dinner , then we started arguing about where to go next . Since she knew the way , she figured she 'd walk me to my hotel and then head home ; she argued that if I were to take her home , I 'd be wandering all night trying to find my way back to my hotel , and there were no taxis in the area . I countered with the argument that I was a great navigator and never got lost , which was true , but more importantly , I wouldn 't be able to live with myself if something happened to her on her way home alone . . Before long I hit on the perfect solution . We would walk to my hotel , so I would know the route back , then walk her home . She seemed perfectly satisfied with the idea , and even mentioned that she would have liked to see my hotel room if the desk clerk didn 't take her for a prostitute . I told her she could come over to the hotel in the morning to wake me up and tell me what to see in the city . She said maybe . . . She hardly said a word as she led me into the apartment and then into the bedroom . I doubt I could describe what happened next ; I doubt I have the words to do it justice . And it wasn 't just sex , because we spent the entire night talking in between the times we were gasping and moaning . Of course it wasn 't always easy to believe a woman 's words and noises during sex , but she definitely sounded sincere . Anyway , the next morning I woke up much earlier than I usually did , because she was moving around the place at high speed , muttering like that rabbit in Alice in Wonderland about being late . When she saw I 'd awakened , she came over to kiss me quickly and tell me she had to get going or she 'd be late for class . She also said that she 'd have to go to work after class , but that she would get tickets for the symphony tonight and meet me for dinner at six that night . She also gave me a list of things to see in town that I might not have thought of , and that she wanted to hear all about it that night . Another kiss and she was out the door . I wasn 't sure how I felt about practically being ordered around , but it was her town and her life , and I didn 't want to feel like an intrusion into it . It also crossed my mind that she had told me to meet her for dinner , just like her supposed boyfriend was supposed to . I guess it was a sorta complement , although it did make me wonder if she was expecting me to stay , or worse , take her with me back to El Ay . Then I realized to what extent she trusted me . Here I was in her apartment , alone , and she didn 't think I 'd steal anything ! That made me smile , and I told myself I would return the favor by being at least half an hour early for dinner . As I got dressed , I could smell bacon - I 'm incredibly sensitive to bacon - and made my way to the kitchen , where breakfast was waiting . That was probably why she was late , I thought with a small sense of guilt . Still , I didn 't ask her to do it , so I didn 't feel that bad . And no doubt she enjoyed doing it , so I would simply thank her for it and not tell her that famous inanity of " You shouldn 't have ! " Hopefully it would make her feel good , or at least appreciated . Besides , where else was I going to find a restaurant that served such good bacon ? I made my way to the hotel , wondering if the desk clerk knew I hadn 't been in all night . By now I wasn 't interested in going back to sleep . Despite any physical exhaustion , I was too hyped from my night with what was turning out to be an amazing woman . Unless I got murdered , my trip to Amsterdam was already as worthwhile as it was going to get . I don 't remember much about the tour , other than the photos I took . I remember things like the houseboats , wondering if people made waves while having sex . I remember the guide talking about the only place in Amsterdam where there were seven bridges in a row , and I got a good shot of that , even though you could only see four . I remember passing by a building that said " RøD HOED , " which I took to mean redhead , which of course peaked my interest . I remember a big old ship in the harbor , and finding out that the three Xs on the city shield meant flood , fire , and the plague . I even remember passing by a floating flea market , and figuring to come back . . . okay , maybe I did remember quite a bit of it after all . Then I got off the tour at the Rijksmuseum , one of the most famous art museums in the world . . . Too bad . Not only were my eyes not into it , but I was basically museum ' ed out ; I 'd been to so many on this trip . The most famous painting , Rembrant 's Nightwatch , did absolutely nothing for me . I didn 't perk up until I got to the basement and saw the erotic Indian sculptures - Indians from Bombay , not Native Americans ; you never know who might read this . I guess I shouldn 't have been surprised , after the incredible night I 'd experienced , that I would still be thinking about such things as I gazed at the remodeled bronze in front of me . That reminded me there was a sex museum in town . Why not ? I thought . I would never be in more of a mood to enjoy it , without worrying about getting excited . Nothing I saw there was likely to compete with Jess . Whoa ! Easy , boy . This was not - not likely - the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with , so don 't get carried away . As good as last night was , as happy I would be if that was it , I wanted to be with her again that night , but still , don 't overdo it . The Sex museum was a major disappointment , especially compared to the one in Munich , although that one was called an " Erotic Arts " Museum . Wow , a seven - foot penis ! I managed to somehow fight off offers to have my photo taken next to it . The best thing I could say about the experience was that there was a McDonald 's nearby . I still had plenty of time before meeting Jessica for dinner , and I guess I was feeling a little homesick anyway . That reminded me of something that had happened last night , when Jess was asking me about El Lay . I guess she thought I was homesick , so she had gone to her CD collection and put on a song called " I Miss Home , " by Grover Washington Jr . It sounded great , so I let the sax music flow over me . I looked at some of her other CDs and saw a song by another sax man named Kirk Whalem called " LC 's Back . " My alter ego 's initials , I told Jessica . It must mean you 'll come back , she replied with that smile I 'd quickly become used to , but wanted to see over and over again . Anyway , I didn 't know what to do for the rest of the time until dinner , so I just wandered around . I wanted to see the Anne Frank museum , but I instinctively knew this was not the time . I didn 't want anything to break the mood I was in , and that would definitely be a mood breaker . I later realized how simple I had made that thought sound ; of course nothing I was doing could compare with what that girl had been forced to go through , but it was a lot harder to think of such things when it wasn 't abstract , when it was YOU who was involved . As promised , I ended up at the restaurant early . Luckily the waiter remembered me with a smirk and led me to the same table , which appeared to be Jessica 's private domain . For a second I wondered if her boyfriend would show up , but I didn 't let it bother me . I was still in a good mood and intended to stay there . When Jessica arrived she smiled - of course - and pulled the waiter aside . I was pretty sure I knew what she was asking him , and she quickly confirmed it when she kissed me , sat down , folded her jacket and said , " You 've actually been here since 5 : 30 ? " I simply nodded . There didn 't seem to be anything I could say that would improve on that , and I didn 't want to take a chance on screwing up what was now her good mood too . Apparently I was too groggy to notice what she 'd been dressed in that morning , but now I made up for it by checking out how she looked in her jeans and tiny vest over a very blue blouse . When I mentioned how different she looked , she made a small grimace and called it her " secretary " outfit . I told her she looked even better this way . I wasn 't sure if she believed me , but she didn 't complain when I took her photo , just like I had when she was wearing the dress . I 'm sure I ended up taking more shots of her than of any other sight in Amsterdam . We went to the symphony . Don 't ask me what piece of music it was , because it really didn 't matter . I liked it well enough , and I always enjoyed watching the violinists . Jessica spent the entire time with her head on my shoulder , occasionally sighing . I tried to neither laugh nor feel disturbed by it . I just wish she would let me know once and for all that there was no doubt in her mind that I would be gone in two days and that would be it . Well , I certainly planned to write , maybe visit in some years , or she would visit El Ay , but the point being that this wasn 't going to be a lifelong thing . We went to dinner , then back to her place , and , if anything , this night was better than the first . As good as it is to discover someone new , there was also something to be said about knowing what your partner liked and doing it without being asked . I thought her sounds were even more . . . emotional now . And she seemed to have a special gift for making a man feel like there was no one else in the universe , like she 'd never felt remotely as good ever before in her life . At the end of one coupling she screamed " Thank you ! Thank you ! Thank you ! " in harsh whispers , inflating my already elephantine ego to bursting proportions . The next morning was a carbon copy of the first , with a much more domestic feeling to it , since I now knew my lines . Even the breakfast tasted better . To break the chain , or the time loop , I went to different touristy places . This time I did go to the Anne Frank museum , because now I was sure I could do the matter justice while not falling into a deep despair . I actually don 't remember much about that day . I remember I went to the diamond district , took a tour of a diamond cutter 's operation . Luckily I had no thoughts about getting one for Jessica . It would have been really easy to fall in love with her , real easy to do and say things that would have been incredibly stupid , considering I was leaving the next day and likely never going to see her again . That night after dinner we went to a play performed in English , and to this day I can 't remember a thing about it . I remember more what we did afterward . She would not have argued if I 'd suggested we go back to her place , but she seemed pleased when I suggested we walk around for a while . I 'd seen plenty of the city , but nothing with her . I wanted to see what she liked about her city . Luckily we were close to the Jordaan , which was her favorite place to spend a relaxing evening . Not that it was a particularly beautiful place . There were a lot of cities in Europe that had places like this , with cafes and such . The difference was , there were no tourists ; no wonder it felt so quiet and peaceful . And it helped that it was a cool night , so we could snuggle as we walked and want hot chocolate . Eventually we went back to her place , slowly , in absolutely no rush even though we knew it would be our last night together . For some reason this night seemed to go on longer than any other . What amazed me was that I was never tired , neither physically nor sexually . Oh , I might think I was done , but then she would stand in a particular pose , or move that magical tongue in a special way , and I was ready for another round . Even though the two previous nights I had caught a few hours of sleep , this night held none . I was aware of every minute until she told me she had to get dressed . She did say , however , that she had changed shifts at work so that she could be with me after her morning class and see me off at the train station . I let her know I was happy to hear that , but she shoved me back onto the bed , told me even Superman had to rest , and that we would meet for lunch and then maybe come back here to properly say goodbye . With a yawn , I figured I 'd get going too , but not before we actually shared breakfast , which made a mundane routine into something amazingly romantic . I couldn 't help it when I dipped a strawberry in cream and then fed it to her . . . while making sure I got some cream on her nose and then licking it off " Kinky , " she commented with that twinkle in her eye . " That gives me some ideas for . . . your going - away party . " Then she looked down and gave me a slap , luckily landing on the thigh . " You make me think everything I had learned about American men was wrong , " she giggled . With a last kiss she was out the door . I slogged out the door , finally feeling weary . Things to do : Check out of the hotel - which I never used , though in the end I didn 't mind - and take my stuff to the train station , so I wouldn 't have to carry it there at the last moment . That was common in Europe , the baggage check , even though they had to check the stuff now because of all the terrorism . It took a load off the mind as well as off the back and shoulders , though , so it was worth it . I also checked " The Meeting Place . " I hadn 't noticed when I arrived , but in the lobby right off the entrance to the train station was a huge panel of fluorescent lights depicting two hands shaking . I didn 't feel I had to look around anywhere else for the spot she meant . Now what ? There was approximately six hours before my train left , four hours before I was to meet Jess . I suddenly realized that , except for the sex museum and the McDonald 's , I hadn 't seen anything of the main tourist drag . Since it was just across the bridge from the train station , I started that way . That 's when I noticed the poster . In Europe , instead of tacking up posters on walls like in America , there were a lot of thick round poles for people to put stuff on . Unfortunately , because it had been covered by other stuff all I could make out was the word EGYPTE at the top and part of some kind of mask . So I went down the street searching for another poster , and found it on the next block . This time it was in a square pole , behind glass . Now I could see the bottom , which read ALLARD PIERSON MUSEUM AMSTERDAM . Below that was the address . Crossing back across to the bridge to the side where the train station was , I went to the tourism office . Great location for it , huh ? They gave me a simple , touristy map which had just enough detail to show me where the museum was ; the map made me think about the one I couldn 't afford , but I quickly got that out of my mind when I saw it wasn 't far . In fact , it was at the university ! What could be better than that ? I could spend hours at the place and be right there to meet Jess . The museum was great . Right at the front was a computer that would print out your name in Egyptian hieroglyphs . Great for the kids , but I got one too , and even got one for Jessica , even though it suddenly came to me that I didn 't know her last name . Apparently I didn 't need to , as far as she was concerned , but it would make it hard to write to her without it . Oh well . . . My camera was smokin ' throughout . I saw things I 'd seen in archaeology books all my life , and things I 'd never seen before , or even imagined . There were swans and laughing donkeys and even a replica of the Rosetta Stone . This was the most fun I had in all of Europe . . . out of bed , of course . Well , out of the bedroom , cuz it wasn 't just the bed . No , actually we did it in the living room and the shower too , and if things this morning were any indication , we were going to have our farewell in the kitchen . Wouldn 't you know , just as I was coming out of the museum , I ran into Jessica ! For some reason she seemed nervous to meet me , even though I waited until the friends she 'd been walking with had gone off in another direction before I greeted her . For a fleeting moment I thought she was going to ask me if I 'd been following her , but I brushed off the feeling and waited for her to bug me , in case she didn 't want anyone to see her . After getting over her surprise , she greeted me the way I 'd like to be greeted for the rest of my life . Apparently something had gotten her going even more today , for she called for a taxi , not wanting to waste any of the few minutes we had left . She even wondered if it would be worth it to stop at the market for some whipped cream . I told myself to make sure to knock off a few minutes early , for I would need quite a shower by the time she was through with me . . . Somehow , before I knew it , I was at the train station , waiting with Jessica on my assigned seat for the conductor to tell all non - travelers to skedaddle , if that is indeed a word . After putting my bags away , everything was ready , and all that was left was the goodbye . This was going to be harder than I thought , I realized . She made it easy . . . from one point of view . She sighed , kissed me deeply with her arms around my neck , then held my hand and looked into my eyes . " I never told you where I went in the afternoon , after school , " she said softly , fighting to hold her eyes on mine , though she kept forgetting and had to come back every few seconds . " I pay my way through college by being a prostitute . Every afternoon and sometimes in the evenings , men do anything they want with my body , as long as they pay me enough . I don 't know what you 're going to think of me now , Americans being so unpredictable , but I didn 't want to spoil the time we had together . I suppose I didn 't have to tell you about it now , but you seemed like such an honest guy that it didn 't seem right to keep it from you . Whatever you think , I hope you won 't hate me . " Hmmm . She was looking even deeper into my eyes now , tears in them , and if it wasn 't for the fact my mind was blank , I 'd be asking myself , What exactly does she expect me to say ? As it was , I couldn 't say anything ; I was too stunned . She saw this , obviously took it the wrong way , nodded sadly , squeezed my hand , kissed my cheek , and turned to walk away . She made her way to the end of the car , dropped off , and walked back so that she could see me through the window of the train . We stared at each other , she looking sad and me looking like an idiot , which I 'm told I 'm really good at . I have no idea how long we stood in that position . I didn 't notice the people going around me and grumbling about it , didn 't notice when they saw Jessica out there and grinned as if they 'd figured out some deep dark secret . I don 't remember another thing until the train gave its first jerk . That 's when , without any thought whatsoever , my hand went to my mouth and then threw a kiss out of her , followed by a wave . Later I would wonder if I did that in the wrong order . It almost made me cringe to see her react to that ; she smiled and laughed , but also started crying . For all I knew she was bawling for the whole station to hear , the way her body shook . I had a thought that some guy might come by and see her like that , look daggers at me - though the train was out of range now - and then try to pick her up . That made me angry ; weird as it was , it was still a tender moment . Immediately I told myself that , after getting home and giving it a few days , I would write to her and tell her that I hadn 't meant anything by not answering ; I was just too stunned to let her know how I felt . No , that wasn 't right . I was too stunned to REALIZE how I felt , let alone be able to formulate it in my head . The train was going to take me to what they called the Hook of Holland , where I and all the other passengers , as well as other trains , would board the ferry for the coast of England . Tomorrow morning we would get on another train and head into London , where I would spend a few days before flying back home to El Ay . Luckily , it wasn 't my first time in London . In fact , I knew the city well enough that I wouldn 't feel like I wasted my time in not playing the tourist , what with all the heavy thinking I was doing . Another good thing about it was I had friends in town who would take my mind off things , what with all the introspection that would be going on every second I was alone . But that still leaves the big question unanswered , doesn 't it ? Have I been with a prostitute ? Yes - Jessica was definitely that . No - I 've never been with a woman who charged me for sex . So just how the hell do I answer it ? Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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After four girls , we were all sure that John would be a girl , too . We decided that our new baby would be named Christine Marie . I drew a picture of my baby sister - to - be on the last day of third grade in Mrs . Gumpers ' class at Our Lady of Sorrows . Every summer , we went to Playschool - the free vacation day camps that the New York City public school system ran in the neighborhood school buildings from early July through the end of August . At the end of the season , there would be a huge gathering of all the schools in the district at Newtown High School 's athletic field , and each school would put on a little musical show . We 'd make costumes out of crepe paper , do the Charleston , sing Oklahoma ! , things like that . It was great fun , and parents were encouraged to attend and cheer for their offspring . It was in the high 90s and humid the day of our pageant . My parents attended anyway - my father brought folding beach chairs , and he and my enormously pregnant mother watched and cheered and sweated in the boiling sun as class after class did their song and dance routine . It was over by about half past four . We piled into the car , went home , had dinner . The phone rang , and Yaya picked up , listened for a minute , and made some uncharacteristically loud sounds . Somehow , Janet and I gathered that we had a brother . We jumped up and down , and ran down the three flights of stairs , yelling . " IT ' S A BOY ! IT ' S A BOY ! ! " Everyone was so happy , so excited that we finally had a brother . When my dad came home , and handed out the first - ever blue cellophane wrapped cigars , the look on his face said everything . I had never before , and never since , seen such a look of pure and absolute joy on his face . That day is a blur ; it was supposed to be my day of rest , after going out to Union to search for Dad on Saturday , Sunday , Monday . I had set Wednesday as my return to work , if we didn 't find him . I had very mixed feelings about going back to work . I couldn 't stay out indefinitely ; what if we never find him ? Sometimes , people who go missing are never , ever found . They just disappear without a trace . How does a person just disappear ? The laws of physics tell us that matter cannot be created or destroyed in a closed system ; therefore , he can 't just be gone . He is somewhere in the Escheresque universe in which I 've been living since 8 : 40 Friday morning ; I just can 't find my way to him . The angles are all wrong , they are impossible , incomprehensible . I 've been saying : " My dad is missing " . I could just as easily say : " I 'm missing my Dad " and mean it in all its double - entendred glory ; he 's missing ; I miss him ; oops , have I missed him ? What am I missing ? When someone goes missing , what happens to the people who are missing them ? What do they do ? Do they return to their jobs ? Do they shop for groceries on the way home from work ? Do they still buy Metrocards , and make sure that there 's milk in the refrigerator for breakfast the next morning ? Do they plan their meals for the coming week ? What about the laundry ? Do they carry on , do they do all of these things , all the while waiting for a call from the police or the FBI or a hospital or a morgue that their loved one or their loved one 's body has been found ? Or do they simply sit still ? Do they wait by the telephone , or stake out a spot in front of the computer , searching , researching , unable to move ? Do they take their cellphones into the shower ? Do they take showers ? Whatever I am doing , I feel like I should be doing something else instead . What if I 'm doing the wrong things , and that 's why I can 't find the right angle ? Is my approach all wrong ? I 've never known anyone else who had this happen . I have no experts to consult . I need a roadmap for this terra incognita where we are marooned . My plan for Tuesday was to talk to the detectives in the morning and get them to set the bloodhounds looking for my father . We were in Day 5 ; Dad had been missing for ninety - six hours ( I had decided that , when we got to one hundred hours , I would switch to counting days ) . Frank and I awoke to the alarm , took our showers , ate our breakfast , drank our coffee , shared the New York Times , watched Weather Channel , just like we do every day . It was all so nice and normal . I turned on my computer to check email . I had messages from my friend Janice asking if there 'd been any word ( no ) ; from my friend Peg , who pointed out how easily the elderly become invisible to the rest of us , allowing as how if Dad had gone out in his pajamas , someone might remember having seen him ( he had done that already , the week before ) ; from Nancy , letting us know that she , Chris and Grant would be in New Jersey by around 2 that afternoon . She added that Chris suggested that one way to get Dad back would be to buy and install an air conditioner in his dining room ( Dad was legendarily spartan about heating and cooling ) . The search had become its own creature , apart from Dad ; Dad and the search for Dad were two separate beings . There had been moments when I felt we were searching just for the sake of doing something . It wasn 't that I thought our efforts were useless or hopeless ; there was a small ( and shrinking ) part of me that thought we might yet find him , and find him alive . Surely there was a reasonable explanation for him being missing ; the Laws of the Conservation of Matter decreed that he was still somewhere in the known universe . Since Friday , I had been dealing with the unknowingness of my situation by trying to control those things I could . To be effective , to move forward , I had to be dispassionate about the alternatives that lay before us . I had to be on task , I had to manage time well , I had to ruthlessly prioritize . It was like managing the store ( people / product / operations ) , except this really was life and death . I wasn 't alone ; I had lots of help , all the help I could ask for ; my husband , my siblings and sibs - in - law , their children , our friends were living through this with me ; but I felt so terribly alone . Okay , so the detectives would have dogs and helicopters … Det . Moutis said that we should register for a Silver Alert . I said I 'd set it up if he sent me a link . Monday night , when I got home from New Jersey , before we had dinner , Frank and I were talking about places that George and Barbara and Alyssa and Kevin and Glenn and the neighbors and I couldn 't get into to search on our own . Frank had made a list of the kinds of places that should be searched ; abandoned buildings within a reasonable radius ; houses that had been foreclosed upon , and were vacant ; garages , sheds , outbuildings , even on occupied properties - we 'd had a cat years ago who had gotten locked in a neighbor 's garage by accident , and he 'd been missing for three days before the neighbor returned , opened the garage , and out came our Patch . Maybe Dad crawled into or under an abandoned car in a foreclosed garage and has been unable to get out and come home . Maybe he fell through a rotted floor in a vacant , derelict house . Maybe he got lost again , and went into a house that he thought was his , except it was empty , and now he thought we had sold all of his things or that he had lost the house to taxes . When we had his income taxes done earlier that spring , he got confused , and thought the new accountant was there to take his house away . Maybe he was looking for Mom . My email to Det . Moutis crossed with his email to me giving me the web address for setting up a Silver Alert . I should have guessed it - www . silveralert . org - and I can 't remember now why I couldn 't . I registered my dad for the Silver Alert and uploaded the picture that we 'd used on his flyers . I emailed the link to Det . Moutis and all my sibs with the login and password . For some reason - and I don 't know if it still works this way - the login and password were only good for an hour , and I had to re - log - in and re - upload his picture once the hour was up . I called my contact at Union 's Channel 12 to give her Dad 's information and the Facebook page URLs so she could do a screengrab of the flyer . I promised to follow up with a flyer by email , in case the screengrab wasn 't sufficiently clear . Lexi promised to get the information on the air that day . Janet and Wally were at Dad 's , getting ready to leave for Maryland , since Nancy was coming up . Someone had to be in Maryland to take care of the total of five cats and one dog between the two households , so Janet and Nancy tag - teamed . I think that George and Barbara were both back at work - it 's so hard to remember now , and my cell phone and text records aren 't clear . Alyssa had finals coming up , so she was back in school . John was planning to arrive on Thursday . Maybe we 'd find Dad by then . The detectives had arrived , with the bloodhound and his handler from the Essex County Canine Unit . It was mid - day . They 'd had to wait for the bloodhound to come from the next county , because Union County didn 't have one of their own . The handler , wearing latex gloves , took my father 's old worn pajamas outside , and spread the top and bottom out on the lawn in front of Dad 's house . ( The image I conjured for myself of my father 's nightclothes spread out on the lush grass is indelibly imprinted on my mind 's eye . ) The handler wears gloves so that he doesn 't transfer his own scent particles to the scent article . I am in my living room . I am waiting , too . I text Glenn ( not wanting to tie up the phone ) ; he has heard nothing , and is getting anxious . They have not been gone long . The bloodhound veered left at the head of the path , into the woods , without hesitation . They went deep , deeper , following my father 's scent , over brambles , and weeds , and thickets of vines , into the heavy brush . They found him lying on the ground . He said it would have been impossible to find him without the bloodhound . The brush and tangles of vines and weeds were more than two feet high ; Dad had sat down on a log , taken off his shoes , and either lay down or fell back . He was on the ground , his glasses and tan hat were off to the side , his watch still on his wrist . He was clothed except for his shoes , which were on the ground next to the log . They would have to confirm his identity with dental records . He had been out in the elements for more than one hundred hours . The coroner would later say that he had almost certainly died the first day . That would account for the lack of sightings , I thought to myself . Nancy , Chris , and Grant arrived at Dad 's house at about the time that the detectives were calling me . I must have called Janet and Walter , John and Cheryl , Barbara and George , but I don 't remember doing so . Frank came home sometime in the late afternoon and I told him . I am sure I was crying , but I don 't remember . I texted my friends . I called the store and told Emery that they had probably found my father , and I wouldn 't be coming in on Wednesday after all . Janet and Wally are due in from Maryland at about noon . I have to make some calls before I leave . I 'll be on the 9 : 47AM LIRR to Penn , and pick up the 10 : 37 NJT train to Roselle Park . That will get me to Jersey at about twenty past eleven . I 'll have the chance to get a couple of things done here before I leave , and to get a couple of things done at Dad 's before Janet and Wally arrive . I call the UCPD . The dispatcher recognizes my voice . I ask to speak to the desk sergeant . I verify that the new platoon has my dad 's photo . I tell them we are continuing our search today , and that I need to speak to the detectives when they come in . I can 't listen . I love her , and would have spared her this news if I didn 't feel I had to prepare her for a bad outcome . But , I have my own burden of fear to carry , and it is heavy enough . I detach myself carefully , tell her I have to leave for New Jersey to continue the search , and promise to keep her informed . George and Glenn are waiting for me at Roselle Park . As we edge out of the parking lot , I look at each of them and ask if they mind if I speak very freely . They both nod for me to go ahead . " I think that if we find Dad , we won 't find him alive . We may not ever find him at all . He 's been gone too long . " Glenn says that he didn 't want to be the first one to say that , but he agrees . So does George . They are both relieved that I have said this out loud . I ask George if he thinks Barbara and Alyssa are preparing themselves . He isn 't sure . I tell him about my conversation with Barb in the A & P parking lot on Sunday , when I asked about Alyssa . We get to Dad 's and open up the windows to air it out . The weather 's been beautiful since Dad disappeared ; there was only a brief shower on Saturday , late afternoon ; otherwise , it 's been sunny and not too hot . Glenn 's been taking care of the mail over the weekend , not letting it pile up on the porch . The neighbors all know about Dad , and have walked the woods and the neighborhood themselves . Ron , the neighbor across the street , tells us about a shelter in Elizabeth ; maybe Dad is there . George 's neighbor Joanne had mentioned one too . Both places were on the list that Nancy and Janet have been calling all weekend . None of the neighbors , or the shopkeepers , or the cemetery workers saw him Friday morning . It 's like Dad walked out of his door and into thin air . I have been playing phone tag with the detectives through the day . Finally , I get to speak to them briefly . They give me their direct dial numbers and email addresses . I talk to them about where we looked for Dad over the weekend . Detective George Moutis told me that everywhere he and his partner , Detective Ken Elliot , canvassed , we had already covered . He and his crew had seen scores of our flyers all over Union . And they had fewer leads than we did - they had no sightings at all . They hadn 't come across even one person who had seen Dad on Friday , or since . Janet and Walter are going back to Maryland in the morning ; Nancy , Chris and Grant will be up in the early afternoon . Barbara is at work , and Alyssa is at school . John is flying in on Thursday . I am going home to rest for a day , and go back to work on Wednesday , unless of course Dad is found . When I get home , I tell Frank about what the day has held . We eat our dinner , watch a movie or some South Park episodes ( I don 't remember , and I think I fell asleep ) . Before bed , I email the detectives ' contact information to all the sibs and spouses . I am up by 6AM . Dad has been missing for forty - six hours . I take my shower , check my email and begin with my plan for the day . I spend the early morning tracking down local media outlets - broadcast and cable television , radio , newspapers - and emailing them flyers . By 9AM I have contacted local channels 2 , 4 , 5 , 7 , 9 , 11 and NJ 12 ( who said they needed a press release from the police - that will be my first thing Monday morning , if we haven 't found him by then ) . I contact the NY Post and the NY Daily News . I don 't bother with the Times because this is happening in Jersey and they won 't care . If he is still missing tomorrow , I will also hit the local New Jersey newspapers - I can look them up and get their contact information when I get back tonight . A bit past 9AM , I talk to the dispatch officer at the police station at the beginning of the day shift . The new platoon is out with pictures of Dad in their cars . My mom 's best friend Thea has made the same arrangements at the 110th Precinct in Corona , just in case Dad ( somehow ) did make there . It is looking less and less like a realistic scenario , but we all feel the need to cover all the bases . If I thought he could come up with the idea of flying somewhere , I 'd have posted at the airports too . I just want to find him . All the sibs have the flyer in their email inboxes , and all the sibs are forwarding it to their address books with instructions to pass it on . All of us on Facebook have forwarded the page I created last night . Alyssa made up her own page , using the same layout , and called it Help Me Find My Grandfather . She forwarded the link to all of her Facebook friends and they are in turn forwarding it to theirs . The page has over a hundred " likes " already , most of them Alyssa 's friends in Union . John and Cheryl are tweeting it on Twitter , Barbara is posting it on her fitness boards . Barb emailed me first thing this morning that she 'd had a dream that their cat Dallas was missing . She said she found her on the side of Dad 's house , alive , buried in some snow . Barbara says she is going to look by the side of Dad 's house this morning , again , just in case . At this point , we know that if Dad hasn 't been taken into an ER or shelter by someone , his mobility will be limited , he will be exhausted , hungry , dehydrated , off his meds for more than forty - eight hours . Our best hope for finding him is that he is resting somewhere - a park bench , bleachers , a shady spot under a tree . We covered that ground yesterday and will do it again today . We 're going to visit some of the same places , in case there are new people there who don 't know about Dad . Before I leave , I email Nancy and ask her to find email addresses for Our Lady of Sorrows and P . S . 19 in Corona , and send them the flyer with a note . I ask her to get email addresses for the hospitals and shelters on her call list , and send them the flyer . Everyone at these places is aware that we are looking for Dad ; it will help keep him in the front of their mind if they have a picture to refer to , and the knowledge that there is a family who desperately wants to find him . Barbara offers to fax the flyers from work to any place that doesn 't have an email address . The guy at reception today is the same guy who was there yesterday , and he still hasn 't seen Dad and there have been no John Does admitted . Our flyer is posted on the wall behind the desk , behind the thick Plexiglas window that separates him from me . I use the hospital rest room and go back out to the car . George takes me back to his house , where he and Glenn are working replacing a faucet , and Barb , Alyssa and I leave in Barb 's car . At 2 : 02 PM , my cell rings . It 's George . Patty from Café Z thinks she saw Dad near the Lowe 's on Morris Avenue in Union . It 's two miles from his house , but Dad has walked that far in good weather many times . George and Glenn each get into their cars and separately approach the location Patty described from opposite sides of Morris Avenue . They don 't want to miss him . Walter calls me at 2 : 08 and I tell him about the sighting . I am talking with both him and Janet when Glenn calls me . I switch to Glenn 's call . George is coming up in the other direction , sees Glenn 's car , sees the old man , sees it 's not Dad . They go to Café Z to tell Patty , and to thank her . It 's the only real glimmer of hope we 've had in fifty - four hours . They go back to the house , deflated . I take the 10 : 03AM from Murray Hill to Penn . I bring an extra $ 50 and the Capital One credit card statement so I can stop at the bank at the corner of 7th Avenue and 33rd Street in between trains . The NJT train won 't leave until 11 : 07AM anyway . That 'll give me almost half an hour to cross the street and pay the bill on its due date . It 'll also add the slightest semblance of normalcy to my increasingly surreal situation . When I get to Penn , I go to the NJT ticket machines and get two off - peak round trips ( I can always use them , is my very practical thought ) . I go up the escalator , turn left and walk to the Capital One on the next corner . It is empty at 10 : 35AM . There is one teller on , and no line . I pass the statement and my fifty - dollar bill under the bulletproof glass . She takes the statement and the money , inputs the account information , completes my transaction , and slides me my receipt . We go back to Dad 's , so I can walk around the house myself . I just want to see for myself how he left things . I know this is not logical , because since Dad left , Vee has been here , Glenn has been here , the policemen have been here , detectives have been here , George and Barbara and Alyssa have been here , and maybe some other people , too . We leave Dad 's , grab a quick bite at Galloping Hill , go back to George and Barbara 's house , and go over what 's been done so far . They walked the woods by the house yesterday , and again today . They walked the woods by Washington School again this morning . They 've been driving around the neighborhood . Barb thought she saw Dad when she was out driving and looking . It was about 7AM . She was driving up by Union Station , on Morris Avenue , when she saw an elderly man walking . She slowed down , and took a good look . She couldn 't really tell ; he had his hat pulled down , and he wasn 't facing her . The man 's clothing was similar … . could it be Dad ? She got out of the car , and went up to him , looked at his face , closely . I 'd brought my staple gun and packaging tape with me from home . We have to make a flyer for posting . I ask Barb if I can use her computer . I go downstairs to work . I remember that Alyssa has recent pictures of Dad on her Facebook page - she and Dad visited the cemetery right after one of the huge snowstorms this past winter , and I know that there are a couple of full - face ones . I right - click copy the one where he and Alyssa are looking right at the camera , paste it into an image editor , and crop Alyssa out . I close in on his face and center it . I type my text , fine - tune the spacing and size of the text so it can be easily read from a passing car , and print out about a hundred of them . The first place we visit is the cemetery . We post a flyer on the tree by Mom 's grave and ask her to watch over Dad , and to please help us . We know that if he can be helped , she will see to it . We go to the office and speak to the manager ; he knows my dad . He has seen Dad visit Mom 's grave every day in every kind of weather . He says all the groundskeepers know who Dad is , too . He asks the ones on duty if they saw him . No one can remember if he was there yesterday or not . He promises to keep an eye out . I give him some flyers , and ask his permission to post some more around the cemetery . He agrees . I look back at him over my shoulder on my way out , and I catch the unguarded sadness on his face . We visit every park , every local body of water ( dementia patients are attracted to bodies of water , I had read somewhere , sometime ) every doctor 's office , school and playground that Alyssa ever went to with Mom and Dad , posting flyers . We go to Town Hall ( post , outside and in ) , to the library ( post on the bulletin board and on trees in the parking lot ) , up to Café Z to tell Patty , the owner , and leave her some flyers and our cell phone numbers . She knows Dad well - we 've had our family Thanksgiving dinners there since the year Mom died . We drive up and down endless streets , posting . We leave flyers with whomever we speak with in Union . We post more . In Westfield . In Kenilworth . In Cranford . In Garwood . The first time Dad went for a walk where the cops brought him home , they found him up by Saint Demetrios , almost three miles from his house , a few blocks away from the precinct house . That was almost three months ago , in late March . Two patrolmen just starting their midday shift saw an elderly man who seemed confused and went up to him and asked him if he was okay . He couldn 't figure out where he was , but he knew who he was and where he lived , so they took him home and called Barb at work . At about 2PM , George left a voice mail on my cell to let me know what had happened , and that he had sent Glenn over to Dad 's to look in on him and make sure he was all right . I called Dad as soon as I picked up the voice mail , but only got the answering machine ( with my mother 's voice on the outgoing message ; we 'd never changed it ) . I called Barb , and we tried to figure it out ; we thought that Dad must have been on his way to the cemetery , which meant he was walking for about four hours , if he followed his habit of leaving the house at around 8AM . He had probably just continued on Chestnut Street instead of taking the left fork on to Galloping Hill , at the Five Points intersection where Galloping Hill Road and Chestnut cross the end of Salem Road . He was found all the way up on Rahway Avenue , past the entrance to the Garden State , past the turnoff on to Stuyvesant and Cioffi 's , almost as far from the house as Alyssa 's high school and Café Z . We drive and walk and post flyers for a few more hours , all over Union . By Dad 's house . Around the corners , both ways . On Salem Road . On Chestnut Street , by his bank and the vegetable store where he buys his bananas and the Dunkin Donuts . By Eisenstat 's office on Galloping Hill Road . I am finally exhausted , and George drives me to the station so I can go home . We post flyers all along Chestnut Street as we go . Tomorrow , we will do this again . Tagscaregiving , Come to Me , Duty , elderly parents , faith , family , father , friends , grief , home , hope , joy , loss , love , Matthew 11 : 28 , mercy , missing , Missing Dad , missing persons , parents , patience , prayer , responsibility , search , search dogs , siblings , strength , trust The police meet Vee and Glenn at Dad 's house . They call me for details about Dad and where he would be likely to go . They want to know where he shops , where he banks , if he has friends he liked to see , who his doctor and dentist are , which area schools are the ones Alyssa has attended ( since he had shown up at her elementary school in his pajamas just eight days before ) , what church he attends , and anything else that might help . I have to leave soon , to go to work ; I am the manager - in - training at the Papyrus flagship store on Broadway and 76th Street in Manhattan . I am scheduled for noon until closing , which means I need to be on the 10 : 33 train . I would call out if we weren 't so short - staffed . As it is , our full - time keyholder , Mary , will be alone until I get there . Emery has a travel day and is going to be at both of his other stores giving performance reviews . Jacque isn 't scheduled until four , and since her review is supposed to be at the Columbus Avenue store , she probably isn 't even going to get to Broadway until almost five . If I call out , Mary will be alone either until Jacque comes in , or until Emery can get there . That just won 't work - that store is just too busy , and cannot run with only one person on the floor for six hours - is there anybody else who can cover me on short notice ? No . ( So , what would happen if I got hit by a truck on the way there ? Would they find someone then ? ) I 've managed the floor by myself for hours , or worked a thirteen - hour open - to - close shift when staff calls out or just doesn 't show up ; that 's precisely why I don 't do that to other people . Not even today , with this good a reason . I call Mary on my way to the train to tell her my father is missing . She said , " Oh , did they find him ? " I said , NO , HE IS MISSING . No one knows where he is . I get to Penn before eleven . I have no news from anyone . I have enough time to try to find a charger for my phone . I hadn 't charged it the night before and I 've been on it almost the whole morning . I take the local to 79th Street , stop at the T - Mobile store to see if I can find what I need . No dice - the sales associate practically laughs at my three - year - old no - frills Samsung . I try the electronics store across the street . They don 't have one either , but I do replace my broken watchstrap with a new black leather one . I never bring my cellphone on to the sales floor , but I make an exception this day . I am fielding texts from my sisters asking if there is any news , while I am emailing back and forth with my district manager and Corporate about a man who had attempted to make a fraudulent return in our store . In between , I am ringing up Father 's Day cards for customers . Frank checks in with me a couple of times , to see if I 've heard anything , to hear how I sound . He knows me better than anyone else on God 's green earth . He can pick things up in my voice that even I don 't know are there . Such are the blessings of a long - term happy marriage . " I haven 't heard anything from anyone . I 'm going to Port Authority after work , in case Dad got on a bus . " ( I 'm scared and I don 't know what else to do . ) " No news . Yes , thank you for offering , please come and close the store with Jacque . I don 't know where my father is , and I don 't know what is happening . " I grab a cab on Broadway , and I call home from my cell as the cab makes its way downtown . I am going to Port Authority on the small chance that somehow , my dad tried to come to see me in New York . Maybe he waited at our old bus stop , got on the 113S bus , got out at Port Authority and … . what ? Did I really think he could find his way to the 7 train , go to Corona , or to Flushing ? No , I didn 't . But in case he did , I need to tell the cops to be on the lookout . I hear the worry in my husband 's voice . I have to do this anyway . My mind 's ear hears him saying , " Come home now " when what he is really saying out loud is good luck , be careful . The cabdriver has overheard my conversation , and asks me if I am okay . I tell him my dad disappeared that morning and has been missing all day . I tell him why I am going to Port Authority . He asks me my father 's name so he can keep him in his prayers . We take the turn east on to 42nd Street , past Holy Cross Church , and at the southwest corner of 8th Avenue , he lets me out . I find the police station in the terminal . I speak to the desk sergeant , who asks me to take a seat and wait for the officer who will help me . She is very understanding and kind - she has heard this story before ( but it was never my story before ) . I give her a description of my father . I pull out the wallet - sized studio photo of my whole family that my brother had set up for Dad 's 80th birthday . She photocopies it . When she comes back , I tell her that the day we took the photo was the first time in twelve years that we had all been under the same roof . The only other picture I have of Dad in my wallet is the one from December 1972 , with him and Frank and me all dressed up for a gala dinner dance celebrating Our Lady of Sorrows ' 100th anniversary . In that picture , Dad is five years younger than I am now . I call my mom 's best friend , Thea , as I am leaving the police station - she works at the 110th Precinct in Corona , our old neighborhood . She still lives next door to the house I grew up in , on 42nd Avenue . She will put the word out at the 110 , just in case Dad somehow finds his way " home " to Corona . As soon as her husband hears the news about my dad , he takes a folding chair downstairs and sets it up in front of his building . He will wait there until about midnight , until he is exhausted and has to go upstairs to sleep . He is determined that , if my father comes walking down 42nd Avenue , he will intercept him and return him safely to Union , New Jersey . I won 't find this out for a while yet , but throughout the day , Frank has been trying to find ways to help me . Friday is one of his days at NYU 's School of Medicine , where he is the computer tech for a research group in the Psychiatry department . He has been asking the doctors who work there how he can best help me through whatever is coming . On his way home from work that Friday , he goes up to a police officer and tells him about my missing dad . The cop gives him an outline of what to expect and when , if Dad isn 't found on the first day . Frank is taking the long view ; he already knows that if Dad isn 't found before nightfall , the outcome is unlikely to be positive . When I get to Penn , I stop into the police station on the Long Island Railroad concourse , and tell them my story . They are very kind and , as the Port Authority police did , they take down my information . I get on the 7 : 49 Port Washington train to go home . I get in at about twenty past eight . Frank has dinner waiting for me , keeping warm on the stove . I eat , we talk . Unless we hear something tonight or early tomorrow , I will go to New Jersey in the morning to search for Dad . I will be with Barbara , George , and Alyssa . They , and Glenn , and Alyssa 's boyfriend Kevin have walked the woods by the house and near the Washington School several times already to see if they can find any sign at all of Dad . After dinner , I turn on my computer . All of us sibs and spouses discuss next steps by email . Nancy and her husband , Chris , are thinking of coming up , but I think it 's better if they stay in Maryland for the time being . Their eleven - year - old son , Grant , still has another week or so of school . Nancy and Janet ( who lives two doors down from her , with her husband Walter and their four cats ) can make calls from home - they will call hospitals , senior centers , homeless shelters , soup kitchens , urgent care centers , clinics , and any other place they can think of to see if there are any John Does matching Dad 's description . My 88 year old dad wandered off from his home and has been missing since 8AM Friday morning . He was gone when his morning caregiver arrived . Our extended family and friends and the Union County police are looking for him . I visited the station at Port Authority and talked to the PA police ( just in case he got on a bus , but I doubt it ) . I notified a friend of mine who works in our old home precinct in Corona ( just in case he tries to go back " home " ) . My father has been missing for more than sixteen hours . It 's dark out . He is almost always cold , even on hot summer days . I try not to think about this . I do not succeed . Sometime between dawn and eight AM on Friday the eleventh of June , Tony Karabaic left his home to take a walk . He locked the inside door and the porch door . He didn 't set the alarm because sometimes he would forget how to make it stop . He walked down Huntington , made a left at the corner of Livingston , and walked down past Forest Drive to the shortcut path through the woods to Salem Road . At 8 : 10 that same morning , his morning caregiver , Vee the RN , arrived . She rang the bell ; no answer . She took out her key and let herself in . She stood in the living room and called his name ; no answer . He was hard of hearing ; maybe he just didn 't hear her . His tan corduroy recliner - its worn fringed throw flung haphazardly over it - was empty . The piles of papers on the coffee table were in the same places they were in yesterday . Nothing seemed to be disturbed . There was no radio on - maybe he wasn 't at home ? She would have to look . She walked into the dining room . His pajamas were draped over the back of a dining chair . That was good - the last time he went out for an early morning walk , he was wearing his pajamas and slippers . Vee went into the kitchen . No dishes in the sink or on the table , but the bowl and glass were in the dish drainer . Had he eaten his breakfast ? Where was he ? She glanced over to the kitchen table , to see if his pills were in the gold glass ashtray on the table . There were a couple left in there - she looked to see which ones they were . Good - the afternoon and evening doses of Sinemet , his Parkinson 's med . The morning dose , the Xalatan , and the Felodipine were gone . She walked out of the kitchen to check the small bedroom , where his granddaughter Alyssa 's toys and drawings were . The high - riser bed was made up , with its hand - crocheted afghan neatly tucked beneath the foam bunker cushions , the little stuffed cats and bears neatly arranged atop them . He sometimes took a nap here later in the day , but this bed hadn 't been slept on lately . He was nowhere to be seen . Vee went back into the living room , and up the stairs . She turned left at the top of the stairs , to look in his bedroom . The room reminded her of a monk 's cell , with its spartan twin bed , simple chest , and holy pictures on the wall . The bedsheets and blankets were rumpled ; the room bore the warm , heavy scent of sleep . Okay , it looked like he had spent the night here - that was something . She went into the master bedroom , where his late wife , Georgia , used to sleep . There were papers and envelopes neatly arranged on the white chenille bedspread , but no Tony . She looked in the little office . She looked in the extra bedroom where his kids slept when they stayed for the weekend . She entered the bathroom , pulled the shower curtain aside , checked the bathtub . She went down to the basement . Those stairs were so treacherous . She walked around , both hoping to find him , and hoping not to . But he wasn 't there . The clothes he had worn the day before were also on the dining room chairs . That was another good sign . That meant he definitely hadn 't left last night - Vee had probably just missed him . Maybe he went to the store . He liked bananas , and he 'd eaten his last brown one yesterday . She went back outside to see if he was in the yard . The car was still there , but that was because the battery had died two months ago , and his children had not wanted to replace it . No one wanted him to drive anymore . She 'd heard that they 'd already talked to him about selling the car to Alyssa 's boyfriend . Vee couldn 't get into the garage , but she knocked hard on the door , and then listened to see if she could hear anything inside . Nothing . Barbara had been through something just like this with Dad the week before . In the early morning of June 2nd , he showed up at Alyssa 's old school in his pajamas and slippers . The cops had brought him back home . Vee and Glenn drove for about a half hour , crisscrossing Union . They went to the cemetery - always the first choice . Until recently , no matter what the weather was , he visited Mom 's grave every single day . It had been almost five years . As soon as she got Vee 's text , Barb emailed me that Dad was missing from the house and that Vee and Glenn were out looking . Just before I saw this in my inbox , my husband Frank came into my studio to say we 'd had a missed call from a 908 number . I figured it had to be Vee checking in , so I called her , and that 's how I found out Dad was on the move and no one knew where . It was around nine when I called them - they had been so helpful the other three times this had happened - the policemen had found him and brought him home before any one of us ever knew he was lost . The UCPD dispatcher told me they would send someone to the house . I called Vee , and Glenn , and they went back to Dad 's to meet the cops . Today , Mom would have turned 90 years old . We lost her on July 18 , 2005 , after a brutal and harrowing couple of months that I covered here , here , here , and here . I am very fortunate that in her final years on this earth , I made my peace with her and she with me ; her last words to me were " I love you , you 're my prize . " A person can live happily for a long time on a memory like that . Spring is always about my mother ; when the snowdrops start to peek out of the cold ground , and crocuses begin to unfold , the forsythia blossoms bright yellow and the Bradford pears start their bridal march up Northern Boulevard , their white blooms wafting on the warming breezes , my mother is close by . She 's never too far - there are times when I imagine I see her face in the mirror overlaying my own - but she breaks out in the spring . It 's her birthday , Greek Easter , Mother 's Day , our first communions … spring is and always has been her season . When I was a teenager and then a young adult , and thought I knew everything about everything , we rubbed each other the wrong way , often . As stubborn as my mother was ( she was , after all , born on the cusp of Aries and Taurus ) , I could match her . We would yell and carry on ; she 'd forbid me to do one thing or another , and I would do it any way . I honed my passive - aggressive skills at her knee . Those battles were great training for life . It wasn 't until I was older , and we made our peace with each other , that I recognized what a boon her fighting spirit was to me . When I was young , I felt thwarted by her restrictions and demands and opinions ; in retrospect , I see that her fighting spirit was what made my life possible . I decided sometime around the fifth or sixth grade that I wanted to go to the High School of Art and Design . The twin sisters of a grade school classmate had been accepted to A & D , and when I heard about it , I wanted nothing more than to go to a school where I could draw all the time . I told my folks , and I think they were hoping I would get over it , the way I got over wanting to be a nurse ( when I was six ) or a Maryknoll Missionary nun ( when I was eight ) . Fast forward to eighth grade , and taking the diocesan placement tests in mid - autumn ( for the Catholic high schools ) ; my choices were Mater Christi ( where almost all my friends would go ) , The Mary Louis Academy ( where my close friend Carol was trying to persuade me to go ) , and St . Agnes ( where I REALLY did not want to go , but I needed to list three schools ) . I did very well on the test , and would have no problem going to the school of my choice . In January , I had the placement test and portfolio submission for the High School of Art & Design . I 'd worked on my portfolio all during my Christmas vacation with Our Lady of Sorrows ' third grade - and - art teacher , Miss Mary Biedermann . She helped me matte all my artwork while listening to Leonard Cohen songs ( a revelation ! ) and eating brie ( ditto ! ! ) . It was a glimpse of what a student artist 's life might be like and I was hungry for it . I wondered in later years if the nuns knew that Miss Biedermann had helped me ; she did so outside of class and on her own time , in her own home . I travelled by myself on the subway with my art and supplies in hand ; she picked me up in her car near Borough Hall on Queens Boulevard to take me to her place in Richmond Hill . I do not remember how or by whom the arrangements for all of this extracurricular activity were made . Miss Biedermann wasn 't even my teacher - my middle sister Nancy was in her third grade class - but , at some point , my parents had to be involved with the planning . I remember bringing home the day 's matted work and showing what I 'd done to my mom and dad ; I remember thinking they did not really understand what I was doing , but at least they were not fighting me . At that point , I don 't they thought I would get into A & D ; they knew I loved to draw , but I don 't know how talented they thought I was , or - even if I was talented enough - whether this was a path from which I could be diverted . There were no artists in my family ; there was no road map for them , or me , to follow . They were not sold on the idea of me being an artist … but time could change things , and anyway , maybe I wouldn 't get into A & D . It wasn 't over at OLS , though ; Sister Mary Dorothy was incensed by my choice . She called my home while I was in school to speak to my mother . She yelled at my mother , carried on about how my mother was letting me ruin my life , that I wasn 't old enough to make such a choice , and on and on ; she pulled every manipulative trick in the book to try to get my mother to change her mind , or better yet , change my mind for me . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Skype ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Tumblr ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on WhatsApp ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pocket ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Click to print ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . Reblog : What Is Love ? 11 We met for the first time in the sculpture garden of the Museum of Modern Art . I was there with my sketchbook , drawing the massive Gaston Lachaise bronze nude , an Amazon standing with her hands on her hips , surveying the territory ( I really wish I had kept those sketchbooks ) . A voice behind me asked me what I was drawing ; I turned and told him ; we introduced ourselves ; we spent the rest of the afternoon walking MOMA , showing each other our favorite paintings ; he walked me down Fifth Avenue to the subway stop by the main library on 42nd Street . He asked me for my phone number , asked if he could kiss me . I said yes , we kissed , and that was it . When I got home that afternoon , I told my mom I had met the man I was going to marry . Six years later , we did . Thirty - four years later , here we are . It all goes by so fast ; one day , you 're seventeen years old , drawing in the museum , and then you turn around and you 're middle - aged , looking back at forty years with the love of your life and praying for forty more . Some days are interminable ( days when you 're waiting for test results , days when a parent dies , or a job is lost , or you find out you have to move from a place you 've called home for twenty years ) … but how then do years fly by like torn - out pages on the wind ? Every breath , every kiss , every quarrel , every walk in the park and movie watched and meal shared , every laugh , every tear , bridges that first moment , that " What are you drawing ? " moment , with this one , right here , right now . These moments are tied together , and tie us together , like the ribbon that joined our stephana , the crowns we wore as we took our first walk as husband and wife . We have our crowns still , sewn into a linen pillowcase that I embroidered with our initials and wedding date , carefully tucked into the drawer of my maternal grandmother 's tabletop shrine . We wed at the same altar where my parents said their vows , almost twenty - five years to the day before we said ours . All these moments , and days , and years , all are joined and twined into a garland of life and love and joy and tears . And THAT is what love is . It 's made of air , water , flesh , earth , fire , time , effort , grace , joy , pain , grief , laughter , stubbornness , tenacity , art , music , dark chocolate , good red wine , and whatever else is important enough for you to feel compelled to share with your full heart and your open mind . It 's what we are here for . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Firil 10 , 1018 This entry is part 4 of 4 in the series MaliceSergeant Cepero sighed and stretched at his desk . He was in his office in the guardhouse , one that he shared with two other sergeants in the Town Guard . It was a large room with three desks taking up much of the room 's middle . Two sides of the room had wooden shelves filled with ledgers , and wooden boxes stacked haphazardly , while the room 's only window overlooked the front entrance to the building and let in the dwindling sunlight . A knock on the door made him look up . It was Kaaye , who had been helping him with the case . " Sir , I have some information for you . " " Come in , Kaaye ; have a seat . " Cepero guessed that it had to do with the murder he was looking into . The dead man , Burian , had been the son of a merchant , a man named Einar ; the man suspected of the killing was Ludovic , the dead man 's twin . because the body had been discovered with a knife in it . The captain had suggested that Cepero handle the investigation , and during the course of looking into the case , he had found that the dead man had made many enemies . Kaaye looked at him expectantly and , when he nodded , continued , " I checked with the weapon - seller and the ironsmith on Traders Avenue but they both said it looked like a custom order ; one of them suggested I check with the old swordsmith , Maarten . When I went there , Maarten said that he had made the knife but the decorations on the knife were done afterwards . He said that it looked like Nila 's work - " she stopped when he raised his eyebrows in question . Cepero nodded again . " That 's the same story the family told us . Karanat gave the knife to Ludovic as a birthday present . Ludovic doesn 't deny it . " Cepero drummed his fingers on the table and said , " Tell me , have you talked to Ludovic at all ? " " What is your impression ? Do you think he did it ? " Cepero was curious to know if her opinion tallied with his . He himself did not think that Ludovic was a murderer , but he could scarcely tell the justiciar that he felt Ludovic was innocent because of the tone of his denials ! " I 've been asking around , sir , and Burian made a lot of enemies before he got killed . Ludovic is a gambler , sir , but he pays his debts , and he isn 't a drunkard like Burian was . Plus , Ludovic swears he didn 't kill Burian , sir , and I don 't know , I want to believe him . " The twins , Burian and Ludovic , had been competing to be named heir to their father , and since Burian 's murder made certain that Ludovic would be heir , he was the best choice for murderer . Cepero nodded . " I agree . I have arranged for everyone to be here in the guardhouse today for the second questioning , so let 's get started , shall we ? " " Mistress Isla ? Come in , " Sergeant Cepero invited , " Have a seat . " He observed the woman before him closely . She was housekeeper and cook to Einar , the gem - merchant , father of the dead man . Isla 's eyes were shadowed , and Cepero guessed that she was upset about Burian 's death ; after all , she had practically raised Burian and Ludovic subsequent to their mother 's death when they were very small boys . " Well , it was just another day except for Burian getting killed , " Isla said . Then , her voice rising agitatedly , she continued , " Sergeant , Ludovic didn 't do it . He couldn 't kill his own brother . You have got to let him go . You must understand - " Cepero interrupted , " Yes , I do . Now , Isla , Ludovic will be set free if he is innocent . But in order for me to get the proof that he is innocent , I need your help . " He waited until Isla subsided and then said , " You can help by thinking back to that day and answering my questions . What were you doing that morning ? Start with when you woke up . " " Not really . I only have one maid to help , and it 's a big house . Donato and Karanat help ; they take care of the entire upper floor , but there 's still the young master 's rooms to clean , and the rest of the house . " Donato and Karanat were the manservants of the twins , Burian and Ludovic . " Yes , sir . I cooked breakfast - the young master likes to breakfast early . We had several visitors that day , and they all came through the back door . First there was the milkman , and then the girl who does my shopping came by with the spices and meat . " " No , they didn 't ; I just met them at the back door . There 's a little alcove there between the kitchen and the outside door , and they usually stop in there . Let 's see , who else visited that day ? " Isla stopped , a faraway look in her eyes . " There was this young man who wanted to see Burian , but Donato had just come down to the kitchen to get breakfast for Burian and he chased him away . " " What color hair ? Eyes ? How tall was he ? " Cepero asked , knowing that without his intervention , Isla could talk about the unknown youth for a bell , yet fail to provide a single , useful detail about his appearance . " Was Karanat there ? " Cepero knew from his conversations with the others that Karanat had gone to visit his aunt Francesa and her son Ruarc , but he believed in corroborating everyone 's story . Sure enough , Isla confirmed Karanat 's absence . " Oh , he 'd gone to visit his family . He went the previous night , you know , after Ludovic went to the Serpent . He must have come back really late that night , because he was in when I got up and he took early tea up to Ludovic . " Ludovic was something of a gambler , and frequently played cards at the Inn of the Serpent which was the haunt of serious card players . " Nothing , really . She said she was in a hurry and ran away . I was busy , so I didn 't ask . I went away to clean the young master 's rooms after that . No one else came to the house that morning , I don 't think , " Isla said . " At lunch , young master Einar wanted to know where the boys were . I told him to go up and look . He went up and found Burian dead . That 's all . " Sergeant Cepero watched Kaaye and Ludovic enter his office . With brown hair and honey - colored eyes , Ludovic was of slender build and medium height . His face had an ascetic look to begin with , due to the straight nose and high cheekbones , and now the incarceration had etched deep lines in his face , making him look gaunt . Not that the guard ill - treated their prisoners , but Ludovic had been fretting about being in jail , complaining incessantly to any of the guards who passed by his cell . Cepero settled himself in his chair comfortably , putting his feet up on his desk . " Have a seat . " He nodded to Kaaye , who took a seat behind Ludovic to one side . " I need you to tell me exactly what happened from the time you entered the Inn of the Serpent that night . " " How many times , Sergeant ? How many times are you going to make me tell you the same thing over and over again ? " Ludovic asked angrily . " I 'm not stupid . If you think I 'm going to change my story the tenth , fifteenth , or twentieth time I tell it , you 're wrong , because it 's not a story ; it 's the truth ! " " Fine . I went to the Serpent to play cards that night . I 'd received word that someone new was going to be at the game , someone good , and I wanted to play against her . By the time I realized Burian was there , the third bell of the night had already tolled , because Deserae wasn 't in the common room - she normally goes upstairs on the third bell . " The Inn of the Serpent was a place frequented by serious card players and Deserae was the innkeeper 's daughter who assisted her father , Ballard Tamblebuck , in running the establishment . " Sergeant , you 've got to understand . Burian and I - that 's what we did . " The vehemence in Ludovic 's voice rang true and Cepero also knew that it was , because he had spoken to people who knew the twins and they all said the same thing : the twins had fought verbally and physically with little regard to time or place . " I don 't care that he 's dead , " Ludovic dismissed his twin 's death , " but I didn 't do it . I did not do it . " He emphasized the last sentence , separating each word as he had done before . " The innkeeper , Tamblebuck , threw us out . He wanted to know if Donato and Karanat were there . He called them our shadows . " For an instant , Ludovic 's voice trembled , but he composed himself . " Father hired the two of them to be our manservants , companions , when we were younger . Donato was Burian 's and Karanat was mine . Anyway , Karanat wasn 't there - he never went with me when I played cards . He disapproves of my gambling . " Ludovic gave a small smile . " Donato was there . He offered to take us home , but I didn 't need any help because I wasn 't drunk . " The scorn in his voice was palpable . " And then I went home . " " I went to bed . The next day Father had sent word for us to lunch with him ; he wanted to celebrate the fact that I was getting married . I didn 't go and he came upstairs to fetch us . We went into Burian 's room and there he was , dead . " There was no horror in his voice , and Cepero recognized the lack for what it was : the numbness resulting from endless repetitions of the explanation . " In the dresser in my room . I wore it for formal occasions ; it was beautiful enough that it was a decoration , and yet functional enough that I didn 't need to carry any other weapon . " Ludovic paused for a moment and then mocked , " Well , Sergeant , it appears you believe me after all . " " Are you hard of hearing ? Perhaps you should find a good healer or a magician to look at your ears . Or perhaps you should get a truth - hearer in . How many times do I have to tell you ? I did not do it . " Ludovic was shouting by the time he finished . " Well , we 'll see , " Cepero offered . " Kaaye , have Pallas take him back to his cell , please . " Syshe Pallas was a new recruit to the guard . " That isn 't it , Sergeant . " Kaaye shook her head . " I have heard that Ludovic doesn 't bed women . People say that the two of them are together . " Cepero murmured , " Hmmm . That 's interesting . All of the evidence is against Ludovic . It was his knife ; they fought and threatened to kill each other just the previous night at the inn , and their rooms are across from one another in the house . " Cepero sighed and brought his feet down with a plop . " I don 't know . Maybe he is guilty . I just - his denials ring true to me . " He leaned forward on the desk and shouted , " Pallas ? " A brown - haired man entered and Cepero asked , " Ah , Pallas , is Donato waiting ? " They waited and Cepero drummed his fingers on the desk rhythmically . Suddenly he paused . " Kaaye , I have an idea about that young man Isla described . Remember the first time we spoke to Karanat and he said Ruarc came to see him ? Why don 't you take Isla and see if she recognizes him ? " Kaaye nodded and left the office quickly , passing Donato in the doorway . Manservant to the dead man , he was of medium height , with red - blond hair . Hazel eyes and a neatly trimmed beard gave him the kind of good looks that would catch any maiden 's eyes . Cepero nodded to the newcomer . " Donato , please have a seat . Why don 't you tell me about Burian . " The question was uttered like a statement . Cepero stared at the other man , whose eyes were curiously blank . It was as if the real man behind the hazel eyes was hiding . It frustrated Cepero , who liked to size up people when he met them . " Is that all ? " " You tell me , " Cepero snapped . Donato 's habit of answering a question with another question annoyed him . He knew there was something Donato was hiding and he wanted quite fiercely to find out what it was . " You said he spent his days drinking . What did he do with his nights ? " Cepero knew the answer to that one : wenching . But still , he wanted to get a rise out of the expressionless man in front of him . And he did . A strange expression , almost one of hauteur , crossed Donato 's face . " Tell me about your sister , Donato . " Cepero was tired of the game , and he came to the point brusquely . He was conscious of satisfaction as rage crossed the other man 's face . " Ill ? Ill ? " Donato took a deep breath , his anger coming off him in waves . Cepero was a little surprised that Donato had lost his poise so completely , but it appeared that his mention of the sister had touched a sore point . Mentally he congratulated himself and awaited Donato 's outburst . " Isn 't Burian ! I know what you 're trying to do , Sergeant , but I can only say that you 're wrong . " Donato had recovered his calm , and he stared back at Cepero silently . " Sergeant , you were right , " Kaaye said , her words tumbling over each other in excitement . " The young man who went to visit Burian that morning was Ruarc . I took Isla over to Ruarc 's house , and she recognized him right away . " Kaaye had left while Cepero had been questioning Donato and had just returned . " I questioned Karanat 's aunt to make sure he did go there . She told me that her son Ruarc was trying to sell some ale to Burian , who cheated Ruarc out of the ale as well as twenty Sovs . Ruarc is a thief , so I 'm not sure who cheated whom . And what money ? What ale ? No one else is talking about it . As far as I 'm concerned , I want to find out who had a reason for killing Burian , and frankly , if I had to choose , I 'd probably say Ruarc cheated Burian rather than the other way around . " Kaaye nodded . " You 're right , sir . I was the one who caught him when he was trying to cheat that old woman who sells flowers in the marketplace . " Cepero continued , " That morning , as far as I can tell , Burian had at least two visitors ; he could have had as many as four . First , Ruarc went to the house , but Isla says that Donato chased him away . I think he probably waited and met with Karanat who took him upstairs . Next , Raizel went to see Burian . And Karanat could have gone to see Burian about this alchemy matter . He seems pretty attached to that aunt of his . Ludovic says he was drunk the previous night , so whether he could have even moved the next morning is unknown . " Kaaye shook her head . " No , sir . According to Ballard Tamblebuck , Ludovic had only two drinks ; it was Burian who was really drunk . I know Ludovic says he was drunk , but he did have a visitor the next morning and he did go into Burian 's room . Listen to this : I found out that Ludovic gives a lot of money to a woman named Iolanthe . She lives in this little cottage that 's way out , and she has so many animals . " " Isn 't she the one they say is a lucky healer ? " Cepero asked . He remembered when his horse had gotten the dog - fever , an ailment that usually ended in the death of the horse , an ailment named thus because it occurred when someone fed a horse dog guts . The horse had been cured , and when he had asked the guardhouse 's stable master how the horse had survived , he had learned that Iolanthe had helped heal the animal . " What about her ? " " Raizel , Burian 's woman , is with child , according to Ballard Tamblebuck of the Serpent . Raizel is Donato 's sister . With Burian dead , that child has no father , and I don 't think that 's what Donato would have wanted . " Cepero leaned back and stretched in his chair . " Straight . " Karanat sighed and paused , as if he were recollecting his thoughts . " That night , Ludovic had gone to the Serpent to play cards . I didn 't go with him because I hated that he gambled ; he would never listen to me . I had gone to see my aunt - she 'd sent a message that she needed my help . I didn 't come back until they discovered the body . I went up to see Ludovic and there he was , with Einar , in Burian 's room . " Cepero sighed internally . He knew that much of what Karanat said was true ; but he also suspected that some of what Karanat said was not . How to separate the two ? He would start with what he knew for certain from the housekeeper at Ludovic 's home : that Karanat had returned to the house much earlier . " Yes , I know . That 's actually the only reason I even suspected Ludovic . He didn 't want to marry that girl , and what better way to ensure that his father names him heir than to get rid of the only other person who could be heir ? " Einar , Ludovic 's father , had agreed to naming Ludovic his heir on condition that Ludovic married a girl he had chosen . " Karanat lied , sir , I 'm sure of it , " Kaaye said . " I think he came back earlier than he said he did . He must have seen Burian or Ludovic . " Cepero frowned . " That 's odd . He didn 't come back in the morning - the housekeeper there , a woman named Isla , let out that he got in late the previous night . " " No , no , " he shook his head . " Of all the people , I think that Karanat is the one with the least reason to kill Burian . Even if he was worried about his aunt , he would have approached Ludovic , given their relationship . As it is , I don 't think he even had a chance to tell Ludovic about what happened . That 's why I let him go . But you can have him followed , if you like . Want to put someone on it ? " " Raizel , come in . Please be seated . " Cepero looked at the woman who had gone to see Burian on the morning of his death . She was a beautiful woman , with red , curly hair and bright blue eyes . There was a strong resemblance between her and her brother Donato , who had worked as manservant to the dead man . " I need to ask you a few questions in the matter of Burian 's death , " Cepero said . He had originally decided to take the slow route with his questioning , but the very fact of her looking so wan and scared gave him an idea . He decided to press her for the truth with a harsh hand . " You knew him very well , didn 't you ? " " Don 't lie to me , girl . You knew him so well that you 're carrying his child , " Cepero said sternly . " Tell me the truth . " As an afterthought , in a loud and resounding voice , he threw in , " Now ! " Raizel wiped her face with a fold of her skirt and said between hiccups , " I went to see him that morning . I sneaked in through the kitchen - I didn 't want to meet anyone else , especially Donato , you know ? " She looked at him enquiringly as if to make sure he understood , and when he nodded , she continued , " When I went there , Burian was on the ground with the knife sticking out of his chest , his leg all awkward . Everything was scattered , broken , like someone had been fighting . I swear , I was so scared that it was Donato . If it was he - " she began to weep again . Cepero nodded to Kaaye , a guard who had been listening in , and she patted Raizel on the shoulder . They both walked out of the office . Cepero watched them go and sent for the next person on his list . It was Donato , Raizel 's brother . He shared the same red hair with his sister , although he wore his hair close - cropped . His eyes were hazel , his beard neatly trimmed , and he was just as handsome as his sister was beautiful . He had a curiously blank face , as if he found changing facial expressions a chore . Cepero had questioned him before , but he knew that his earlier conversations had not elicited the whole truth . This time , the first question he asked was the crucial one . " Donato , did you kill Burian ? " " No ! It wasn 't her , I swear . I did it , " Donato said , a hint of a quaver in his voice . For the first time , his eyes did not have the blank expression that they usually had ; the skin around his eyes creased and there was fear . " Donato , I know that Raizel went to see Burian . I also know that you know she went to see him . Why don 't you tell me what you saw when you went up ? " Cepero had made a list of the people who had gone to visit the dead man on his last morning alive , and Donato was one of them . If he told the truth about what he had seen , perhaps the fog that surrounded Burian 's death would clear a little . Donato responded eagerly , " No , I know she couldn 't have . Straight , I 'll tell you what I saw . When I went up about a bell after breakfast , to clean up the rooms and pick up the dishes , the room was torn up . There had been a fight , and Burian was on the ground , dead , with Ludovic 's knife in him . I 'd put the knife on the dresser the previous night . Raizel 's scarf was there . I thought she had killed him . So I picked him up , put him on the couch , cleaned up , and took her scarf away . I didn 't kill him , and neither did Raizel . That 's all . It 's the truth , I swear . " " You didn 't leave the knife there . You killed him , didn 't you ? Stop lying , lad ! Tell me the truth ! " Cepero pounced . " I am telling you the truth . I didn 't kill him . I wanted him alive , because I wanted him to marry Raizel . I would have done anything for that . I didn 't kill him ! " Cepero sighed and glared at Donato . The truth in the latter 's reasoning was apparent , and Cepero believed him . There wasn 't much else to say at this point . He wondered if Raizel had killed Burian , but her denials had also rung true . At the rate this was going , he was going to run out of suspects ! Of the people who had entered Burian 's rooms that morning , Donato and Raizel appeared to be telling the truth , which left Ludovic and Ruarc . He sighed again and said to Donato , " Straight . You can go . " For a moment , Cepero was conscious of both surprise and irritation that she had taken the initiative , and then he felt absurdly pleased that his thoughts about Kaaye had been right : she was a promising young guard who would be very successful . He made up his mind to encourage her initiative . " Well , what did you find out ? " When Karanat entered the office , Cepero offered him a seat and then plunged directly into the questions . " Karanat , tell me the truth . When you went back to the house that morning , you went to see Burian , didn 't you ? " Karanat began to shake his head , and Cepero said sharply , " Tell the truth or it will be the worse for you , do you understand ? There 's no one else who had the need to kill Burian except you , because of Ruarc 's alchemy problem . " Karanat 's cousin Ruarc had worked on a bad business deal with the dead man that had resulted in Ruarc losing , giving both Ruarc and Karanat plenty of reasons to kill Burian . " It wasn 't me , I swear , " Karanat began . " I did go to see him after taking up Ludovic 's tea , that 's true . We fought , and he - Burian isn 't very good at fighting . He was half - drunk , I think , and he fell over a fold in the carpet and broke his arm . He was lying there , crying in pain , and I couldn 't fight him any more . How could I hit someone like that ? I was so angry that I ran out of the house . I walked all the way to the docks . When I came back and went upstairs , Ludovic and Einar were in Burian 's room and he was dead . " Cepero stared at him , but Karanat 's gaze did not falter . Finally Cepero said , " You can go . " He was fairly certain that Karanat had told him the truth , but whether he had left out anything was what Cepero wished to find out . " Karanat broke Burian 's arm and left him lying there . We know that Iolanthe came early , because the housekeeper never saw her come . Ludovic must have entered Burian 's room before Karanat did , because Burian was asleep in his bed when Ludovic went in . " Cepero sat up straight . " Karanat went in after Ludovic left , broke Burian 's arm and left him lying there . By the time Raizel went to see him , he was already dead . The only person who went in to see him between Karanat and Raizel was Ruarc . Let 's go find Ruarc , Kaaye . " " Sergeant , I am not a liar . " She stared back at him proudly . Francesa , Karanat 's aunt and Ruarc 's mother , was a buxom woman with bright blue eyes and wheat - colored hair . Although she barely came to his shoulder , she met his gaze unflinchingly even through his accusations . " Did he eat dinner here ? " " Here " was a small house on Murson Street . The living area led into the kitchen , which looked bright and airy from where he stood . The staircase led upstairs to the bedrooms , Cepero assumed . " Well , I 'm always glad to see Karanat - he 's such a good boy , you know . Not like Ruarc . If ever there was a boy to break a mother 's heart , it 's Ruarc . I don 't know what I would 've done without Karanat . " Francesa sniffed . Cepero swallowed a smile . The woman was excitable and went from emotion to emotion like a scurrying rat . " It 's nice for a mother to cook meals for her sons . I 'm sure you gave him breakfast . " " I wish he would , but he never does . Always rushing off to Lu - ergh - hmm , " she coughed , giving him a quick glance from beneath her eyelids . " He left early , you know . " Cepero looked back at her blandly , allowing no hint of the amusement he felt at her stuttering to cross his face . " Where 's Ruarc ? " he asked , changing the subject so that Francesa could recover herself . " I thought his leg broken ? " " Yes , indeedy , but Karanat made a crutch for him , you know , so he can walk . He 's just gone to the marketplace . He gets bored , you know . " Francesa sniffed . " I don 't know what happened ; I really don 't . One morning last sennight , I wake up and there he is , lying on the ground , with a broken leg ! " Sergeant Cepero walked towards the marketplace , accompanied by Kaaye . As they approached , they saw two guards talking with a tall , bald man . One of the guards hailed Cepero . Cepero sighed . He had given up trying to cure Mayandi of the habit of using " sir " after every three words , and it never failed to annoy him every time he spoke to the man . He said , " Come , Tamblebuck , let 's walk this way . Mayandi , you go on . " Kaaye interrupted , " Sergeant , look , there 's Ruarc ! He 's running ! " She started to run towards the figure , which had been watching them from across the street . Since the figure was on crutches while Kaaye was very fit , she overtook him in moments . " - hurt me , please . It 's true , I did it . Don 't hurt me any more , " Ruarc quavered . " Don 't , please don 't . I killed Burian , it 's true . " The " any more " phrase caught Cepero 's attention , and his forehead creased in concentration as he wondered what Ruarc was saying . As he watched , he realized that Ruarc was staring at something behind him . He turned and saw the receding back of Ballard Tamblebuck . " So why did Ruarc confess ? " Cepero wondered . " It 's true that Ruarc is pusillanimous , but surely a sense of self - preservation would have stopped him from confessing ? " " I think Ballard broke Ruarc 's leg , sir . Ruarc kept muttering something about not breaking his other leg , and something about not asking Raizel for money , " Kaaye explained . " You know , Ballard keeps an eye on the girls who work there and Ruarc is scum , sir , pardon my language . I think that Ruarc threatened to say that Raizel did it unless she paid him . I expect she told Ballard and he gave Ruarc a drubbing . " " How do you know all this ? " Cepero asked . The blackmail had not come out in questioning , which was not surprising , and frankly , if Ruarc had complained against Ballard , Cepero would have had to arrest the innkeeper , much though he disliked the idea . " No , sir . She told me that her father was angry because someone was scaring Raizel . After Ruarc confessed , sir , I realized that it had to have been about the murder . I 'm sure the justiciar will give him the stiffest sentence . Murder and blackmail - such malice ! " Dargon ThingsThings are Dargon - specific characters , places , or items unique to the world of Dargon . The Things below appear in this story . You may click on one to see its definition and the stories in which it appears : bellCepero , Sergeant Romandog - feverDonatoFirilFrancesaIolantheIslaKaayeKaranatMaartenMayandimeneMurson StreetNilaPallas , SysheRaizelRuarcsennightSerpent , Inn of theSovereignstraightTamblebuck , BallardTamblebuck , DeseraeThirsson , BurianThirsson , EinarThirsson , LudovicTraders Avenue Search Avatars by Sterling Adventures DargonZine is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution - NoDerivs - NonCommercial License . Reproduction of issues or any portions thereof for profit is forbidden . We welcome new readers and writers interested in joining the project . Please address all correspondence to [ dargon @ dargonzine . org ] . |
Wollett had marched in demonstrations against the Vietnam War as a college student in the late 1960s , and like millions of Americans she assumed it was all finally ending as the last American troops now came home . It was not . The Vietnamese continued to fight and die . America continued to provide arms to the South , and the Soviet Union and China gave them to the North and the Vietcong . World Airways , owned by Edward J . Daly , happened to be a principal charter airline for the American military forces in Asia , flying routes between Japan , Korea , the Philippines , Taiwan , Okinawa , Thailand , and Vietnam . Wollett completed her training in March and was assigned to World 's Asian route in July . She paid little attention when , in early March 1975 , the North Vietnamese launched a major offensive in the central highlands , broke through the South Vietnamese lines , and began a rush to the coastal cities of Da Nang and Nha Trang . She had six weeks of vacation coming and had invited her father to visit her in Asia . He made the trip , and they went fishing together in Thailand and then returned to her home in Japan , planning to travel to South Korea for more fishing . Before they could depart , Wollett received a call from a World Airways dispatcher . " Jan , I 've got a big favor to ask , " he said . " You know we 're under contract to USAID [ the State Department 's Agency for International Development ] , and we have these special flights running in Vietnam to bring refugees from Da Nang down to Saigon . We are short - staffed here , and we really need you . " The dispatcher promised to double her vacation time and fly her father to Korea if she would go . She agreed . She flew to Saigon the next day . Charles Patterson , one of World 's vice presidents , had been on the flights to Da Nang to bring down refugees and government officials , and that night he warned Daly that the situation at the Da Nang airport was getting out of hand . He feared that a flight might be mobbed on the ground and prevented from taking off by panicky civilians and soldiers trying to escape the North Vietnamese army . Daly listened to Patterson 's warning and decided not to fly to Da Nang again . But , Patterson says , " There was part of Mr . Daly that was John Wayne , and there was part of Mr . Daly that was the caring individual , " and those parts apparently won out over caution . Early the next morning Daly decided to make one last run to collect refugees , presumably mainly women and children , who would otherwise be overtaken by the North Vietnamese army . Daly gathered together a veteran flight crew consisting of pilot Ken Healy , copilot Charlie Stewart , and flight engineer Glen Flansas . He brought along three flight attendants : Jan Wollett , Val Witherspoon , and Atsako Okuba . He also invited along a CBS news crew consisting of Bruce Dunning , Mike Marriott , and Mai Van Due . Daly 's assistant Joe Hrezo also went on the flight , as did a UPI reporter , Paul Vogel . Wollett expected the flight to be simply another normal shuttle . It was not . On the morning of March 29 she and her fellow crew members on World 's last flight to Da Nang confronted the war face - to - face . And in the space of only a few minutes , Wollett 's life was changed forever . I first met Jan Wollett in the fall of 1984 , when I began research for my book Tears before the Rain : An Oral History of the Fall of South Vietnam , which was recently published by Oxford University Press and includes her story . When I met her , Wollett was living alone in eastern Washington State . She had no telephone . She did not maintain contact with anyone from World Airways . She still often thought about the events of March 29 and she hoped that by talking about the flight she might at last free herself from the some of the images and faces that returned to her again and again in the night . This is how she remembered it . I was supposed to get a wake - up call at my hotel in Saigon at five in the morning on March 29 , 1975 . I was to be the senior flight attendant on a flight up to Da Nang and back . I never got the call . At six o ' clock I got a call from Val Witherspoon . She asked me to be in the lobby in five minutes . So I jumped into my uniform and hurried downstairs . Mr . Daly and Val , who was another one of the attendants on the flight , were waiting for me . Bruce Dunning of CBS News was in the lobby too , and we chatted with him for a few minutes . I told Bruce that we were flying up to Da Nang , and he said that there were rumors that the city had already fallen to the North Vietnamese . I said , " Well , I 'm sure we wouldn 't be going up there if it had fallen . " Bruce then asked if he could come along on the flight , and Mr . Daly told him to be at Tan Son Nhut Airport in an hour . " You get there , then you 're there , " Daly said . Bruce rounded up his cameraman , Mike Marriott , and his sound man , Mai Van Due , and brought them out to the airport . We all boarded the aircraft , a World Airways 727 . As the senior flight attendant I had been informed that we would be carrying one or two Vietnamese flight attendants as interpreters and that we would also be accompanied by guards for crowd control , since there had been some difficulty with crowds in Da Nang on the previous day . We were also supposed to be carrying soft drinks , orange juice , and sandwiches for the passengers . " A massive swarm of people came up and out of bunkers . Thousands - and I mean literally thousands - started racing toward us . " Once we were on the plane , I told Val and Atsako Okuba , the other flight attendants , to check and see what we had on board . Well , we discovered that the aircraft had not been catered . That was our first sign that there was something very strange going on . There were no soft drinks , no orange juice , and no sandwiches on board . And there were no Vietnamese flight attendants and no guards either . There was a discussion on the plane as to what we should do - whether or not we should make the flight . Daly and the flight crew were on board by that time , and so were Dunning and his CBS crew . Eventually , two officials from USAlD came on board and assured us that everything was fine up at Da Nang and that we would not need the guards and could make the trip . So we took off . And the flight up to Da Nang was very good . We also took along with us a British newsman and another man from UPI . We chatted casually on the way up . Then we started our descent into Da Nang . About twenty minutes behind us was another World Airways 727 , flown by Don McDaniel , and behind him was yet another 727 , flown by Dave Wanio . We figured that we would be on the ground for ten or fifteen minutes , load and take off , and then the next plane would land , and then the third . That way we could bring out three plane - loads of people in less than an hour . When we landed , it was very strange because we did not see a soul at first . Nobody . It was just as if the entire airfield was deserted . And then , as we started to taxi , it seemed as if a massive swarm of people came up and out of bunkers . Thousands - and I mean literally thousands - started racing toward us . They were running , they were on motorcycles , they were in vans , they were in jeeps and cars and personnel carriers , they were on bicycles . They were coming out to us in anything they could find . We had a plan . Mr . Daly and Joe Hrezo , a station chief for World , would get off the plane first and line up people on the back air stair . I was to stay in the forward part of the plane , Atsako would stay in the middle , and Val would be in the aft . We started a slow taxi . I was standing in the cockpit door , looking out the front window . Then I realized that something really bizarre was going on . A group of people raced up next to the aircraft in a little truck . And a man jumped off the truck and ran up in front of us . I was looking down at him as we were slowly taxiing , and he took out a pistol and started shooting at us . Suddenly I had the fantastic feeling that I was in the middle of a John Wayne Western . And I thought , " Why are they shooting at us ? We 're the good guys . " We taxied past the man with the gun and slowed down further . I was now waiting for the first people to come on board . We were going to put them in seats starting at the front of the aircraft and then keep going back and fill up the seats in an orderly fashion . Then the people started coming on board . They were running . And they were just wild - eyed . And they were soldiers . About nine soldiers came on board , and I seated them . Then a tenth came on , and he wouldn 't sit down . He was hysterical , and he kept running up and down the aisle , screaming in English , " Take off ! Take off ! Take off ! They 're rocketing the field ! " He was just screaming it over and over again . And I grabbed him , and I shouted , " Shut up and sit where I tell you to sit ! " I pushed him into a seat . Still , there were surprisingly few people getting on board the aircraft . So I thought I 'd better go to the back and see what was happening . When I got to the back , I saw Mr . Daly at the bottom of the air stair , and he was being mauled . His clothes were in tatters . And Joe Hrezo was gone . Val was trying to help Mr . Daly and was trying to pull people onto the air stair as the aircraft continued moving down the taxiway . At the bottom of the air stair were hundreds of people , all desperate and crazy and screaming and clawing at Val and Mr . Daly . You could see no end to those people . They were running to the air stair from every direction . I climbed down on the stair and tried to help . Mr . Daly was at the very bottom of the air stair , waving a pistol in the air , trying to restore some kind of order . Val was helping people climb over the side of the stair onto the steps . I went to the bottom of the stair next to Mr . Daly . A family of five was running a few feet from me , reaching out for help to get on board . It was a mother and a father and two little children and a baby in the mother 's arms . I could see the fear in all of their faces as they ran and reached out for me . I reached back to grab the mother 's hand , but before I could get it , a man running behind them shot all five of them , and they fell and were trampled by the crowd . The last I saw of them , they were disappearing under people 's feet . There were just several loud shots , and they were gone - all five of them . And the man who shot them stepped on them to get closer to the air stair . He ran them down and jumped onto the air stair and ran up into the aircraft . And everything was so chaotic and insane , I remember registering in my mind at that mad moment : " I 'll deal with that later . " And I just kept pulling people onto the stair . I felt a woman pulling on me from the side of the stair . She was trying to get over the rail , and she grabbed my arm . I wanted to help her on , but I also had to worry about getting pulled off the stair . I turned and grabbed her arms and tried to pull her over the rail , but a man behind her grabbed her and jerked her out of my arms , and as she fell away , he stepped on her back and on her head to get up and over the railing . He used her as a steppingstone . Mr . Daly saw that happen , and as the man swung his leg over the railing , Mr . Daly smashed him in the head with his pistol . I remember suddenly seeing a sheet of blood splash across everything and I saw the man fall off and people trample him , and I remember thinking , " Good . " That was just my reaction at that moment . The man disappeared under the feet of the mob . By that time people were streaming into the plane , so I ran back inside to see what was happening . Atsako grabbed me , and she said , " Captain Healy needs you . " So I went to the cockpit and knocked on the door . It opened , and Captain Healy told me , " Joe Hrezo has been separated from the plane . When he 's back on board , you let me know . " I said okay . " I saw Mr . Daly at the bottom of the air stair , and he was being mauled . His clothes were in tatters . And Joe Hrezo was gone . " What had happened during all of this was that Joe and the British newsman had been pulled off the plane by the mob , and then they couldn 't get back on . We lost both of them . Joe had run to the tower , and the guy operating the tower let him in . Joe then called the plane , and Ken Healy said he would taxi over onto the taxiway . He told Joe to make a run for the plane when we came by . We would not be stopping at any time . The moment Joe was on board we were going to take off . Captain Healy told me , " When you know for sure that Joe 's on board , just pound on the door . " While we waited to go by the tower , people kept getting on the aircraft . We were just shoving them into seats - five and six people in three seats . I remember asking as I directed them to the seats , " Where are the women and children ? Where are the women and children ? " It turned out that all of our first passengers were soldiers . Later we found that we had eleven women and children on board , but that was it . The rest were soldiers . People on the aircraft were sitting in their seats totally in shock . And this one fool kept yelling over and over again , " Take off ! Take off ! Take off ! Take off ! " Then , as we taxied by the tower , Mr . Daly was still somewhere on the bottom of the air stair , pulling people on . A moment after we passed the tower , Val turned around and raised her arm in the air , and I turned around and started to pound on the cockpit door . As I did , I heard the engines start to roar and we started to gain speed . Then this man who had been yelling for us to take just started shrieking . " Oh , no ! We 're taking off on the grass ! " What had happened was that we were taking off from the taxiway , and Ken had gunned the engines to warn people to get out of the way or we would run over them . The reason we were on the grass was that the taxiway ended and the grass began and there was no way for us to get back on the runway at that point . We gained some speed and lifted off , and as we did , we hit a vehicle and then a fence pole , which did considerable damage to the wing . There was more damage to the aircraft from bullets and from a grenade that went off under one wing . But inside the aircraft we couldn 't see the damage , so we didn 't really know how bad the situation outside was . But Captain Healy was aware of it . In any case , we were airborne . We had gotten out of Da Nang . I never really thought we would not make it out . You don 't have time to think about things like that in the midst of so much confusion . But I discovered later that we almost didn 't make it . We ended up with all that damage and with 358 people on board . We had 60 people in the cargo pits , and we had people in the wheel wells . The plane was supposed to carry 133 . Ken Healy later sent Boeing all the statistics from our takeoff , and they ran them through their computer and told us that according to their figures , our plane could not possibly have taken off . Ken sent Boeing a telegram later that said , " You build one hell of an aircraft . " As we took off , I was standing in the front of the plane , and I started looking at the passengers and counting them . At that moment I noticed a man sitting in the front seat who was very pale and who had been badly injured . His intestines were hanging out . I took my hand and just shoved them back inside , and then I ripped a towel off somebody 's neck and tied it around his waist to keep his intestines in . Then I realized that we were going to need a lot of first - aid stuff . I grabbed the first - aid kit and found that it had been looted on the ground in Saigon . We had no medical equipment on board . None . There were no supplies of any kind anywhere on the aircraft . No bandages . Nothing . When I finished helping the guy in the front row , I looked down the aisle and saw a man crawling toward me . I recognized him right away . His whole head was caked with blood , and there was blood all over his face . It was the man who had pulled the woman out of my arms - the man Mr . Daly hit with his pistol . The last time I had seen that woman she was just pulp and cotton on the ground . And the last time I had seen the man he was being trampled . But he had managed to get on board , and now he was crawling up the aisle toward me . I knew he was coming to me . And that was the only moment I remember saying a prayer that day . I asked , " Oh , please , God , don 't have him come to me . " And he crawled up to me . And he grabbed my pants leg , and he looked up at me , and he just said , " Help . " So I grabbed somebody and pulled him out of a seat , and I helped this man into the seat . His head was laid wide open and I could see inside his head , and it was just a bloody , pulpy mess . I had nothing to stop the bleeding with . I knew that if I didn 't stop the bleeding , he would die right there in my arms . A soldier next to the man had on a flak jacket . So I ripped open the flak jacket and grabbed the sawdust stuffing and pushed the sawdust into the man 's wound to try to stop the flow of blood . I just kept packing the wound with sawdust . I am sure that the American Medical Association would have been shocked by what I did . But it worked . I ripped off another man 's shirt , and I tied it around the wounded man 's head in order to keep the sawdust in and in order to keep his head in one piece . He made it through the flight alive . He must have been very strong . He never even went into shock . I then went to the back of the plane once more . I saw Val and Mr . Daly and Joe Hrezo working to free a man who was trapped in the aft air stair . The aft door could not be closed . The man stuck on the air stair had broken his leg . They finally got him loose and brought him inside the aircraft . Val and I tried to put together a splint for his leg . Joe then told me that the British news guy had never made it back on the plane . He had stepped off onto the runway in Da Nang to film the crowd and was unable to get back on board in the panic . He was in the tower back there , and Ken Healy promised him that an Air America chopper would come in and pick him up . Later that day it did , and he made it safely back to Cam Ranh Bay . Val and Atsako and I just kept working and repairing the obvious damage to the people on the plane . That consumed most of our time . I guess we had been airborne for about an hour when I started looking at the passengers who weren 't wounded . And I saw this horrible look on their faces . Finally they had realized what they had just done . And the questions started . " Will another plane come ? " We lied and assured them , " Yes , there will be other planes . " They realized that they had shot and killed their own people to get on board our aircraft . Now they were sorry . So we lied to them . We knew there would be no other flights to Da Nang . We were the last . The people left behind would not get out . In fact , Ken Healy had talked to Don McDaniel on the next 727 and told him to wait for us over Phan Rang , and he radioed Dave Wanio and told him to go back to Saigon to prepare for an emergency landing . We had quite a bit of damage to the aircraft , and Ken was not sure that the landing gear would come down when we tried to land in Saigon . I knew what that would mean . " Mr . Daly asked me if I knew the condition of the aircraft , and I said I did , and then he asked me if I was afraid to die . " In the meantime it got incredibly hot inside the aircraft , even though the aft air stair was down and the door was wide open . With that number of people in the plane you just could not breathe . It was incredibly hot . We had Due , who was the CBS sound man , keep announcing over the PA system in Vietnamese , " No smoking ! " We could not have dealt with a fire and we knew there would be one if some of the passengers started smoking . After working on the first - aid stuff for the passengers for a while , I noticed that there was nothing for these people to drink on the aircraft . But there was a drawer that had been full of ice , and it had melted , and now the drawer was filled with cold water . I asked Bruce Dunning to rip up the galley curtains into little squares , about four or five inches square , and to soak them in the water . Then I took them and I walked up and down the aisle passing out little wet pieces of galley curtain so people could mop their faces . They all were just sweating like crazy . And we 'd go along and pat their shoulders , and I told Val and Atsako to do something to bring up the morale of these people . The shock of what they had done to their friends and comrades seemed to be destroying them slowly . They had left their families behind them on the ground . They had run over each other and shot each other to get on this plane . Now the panic was disappearing , and the realization of the horror of what had happened - of what they had done - was starting to sink in . So we went around and talked to them and patted them on the shoulders and wiped their brows and their hands and tried as well as we could to comfort them . I was dying of thirst myself by that time . And Mr . Daly came up to me and opened his shirt and showed me some Coke bottles . He said , " Go to the cockpit . " I went up the cockpit and sat down on the observer 's seat , and Mr . Daly came in with the Cokes , and he opened one and gave it to me . I remember putting the Coke to my mouth to drink , but everything went down my chin and onto the front on my uniform . I couldn 't swallow . We passed that one Coke bottle around the cockpit . And once more Ken Healy told me about the damage to the aircraft . He said he was not sure about the nose gear on the plane coming down , and if it did come down he was not sure that it would hold . He warned me to be ready for anything when we came down in Saigon . I returned to the cabin to do whatever more I could do for the passengers . Then there was a startling moment when everyone on the plane suddenly looked over to our left and there was a great deal of excitement . What had happened was that we had finally arrived over Phan Rang , and Don McDaniel and his crew had been sitting up at thirty - five thousand feet waiting for us . They finally saw this little dark dot way down below them , and they thought it might be us . And they came down to us . We looked out the window , and there against the gorgeous blue sky and the big puffy white clouds was this beautiful red and white World 727 . I know that there was suddenly a terrific feeling that went through the aircraft at that moment - and I know that it certainly went through me - a feeling that our sister ship had found us and that we were going to be safe because she was going to escort us home . So Don flew his aircraft all around ours and assessed our damage . That 's when he told Ken Healy , " It looks like you have a body hanging out the wheel well . " And Ken asked him about that . One person did get crushed as the wheels were retracting . But his death saved the other eight people in the wheel wells because his crushed body stopped the gears and did not let the wheels fully retract . The others were saved when he was killed . We continued on to Saigon . I said to Val at one point , " Come on , let 's go into the lavatory and have a cigarette . " So we went into the lavatory and we both smoked a cigarette , and I told her all about the problems with the aircraft . During the landing I was going to be sitting in the front seat over the nose gear . And she was going to be sitting in the aft of the aircraft . I told her I did not know if we were going to make it . So I told her what I wanted her to tell my family if she made it and I did not . And she told me what she wanted me to tell her family if I made it and she didn 't . I remember saying to her , " Just tell my family that it was okay . I didn 't have any fear . " I didn 't cry , and she didn 't either . You don 't have time for emotions that are obviously there at a time like that . You keep them hidden . So then it came to the final hour of the flight , and I was again in the aft of the plane . I started walking forward , and a man handed me his M - 16 . He didn 't speak English and I didn 't speak Vietnamese , and I was not quite sure what he wanted . But I knew he wanted me to take it . So I put that damn gun on my shoulder , and as I walked , people started handing me things . When I ended up at the cockpit , I had a couple of M - 16s hanging off my shoulders and a bandoleer full of bullets and a handful of loose bullets . Some of the men handed me one or two bullets , and some handed me more , and I had two pistols hanging on my little fingers . There I was holding that little cache of bullets and weapons , and there was suddenly the most obvious feeling : that the war was over for these people . They didn 't want their guns or their bullets or anything anymore . And it was so poignant . They were finished with it . Then , as I was walking toward the cockpit , this one fool put a hand grenade on top of the pile in my hands . And I looked down and I thought , " That 's a hand grenade ! " My instinct was to turn around and toss it out the back of the plane . But I was afraid it would hit the air stair and explode , and I thought then , " My God , what am I going to do with all this stuff ? " I made my way up to the cockpit and kicked on the door , and Charlie Stewart , our flight engineer , opened it . I can remember saying to him , " Charlie , take this thing ! " I was terrified of that hand grenade . I had never really been exposed to a hand grenade before . Charlie took it . Then he and Mike Marriott took electrical tape and started taping all the stuff . They taped the hand grenade and the bullets and whatever else I had carried in . The reason for this was that if something went off , they wanted to deaden the impact as much as possible . When it came time to land in Saigon , I checked out Mike Marriott on the side by the galley door . I showed him how to open it in an emergency and how to inflate the emergency slide . Normally that would have been Atsako 's seat , but she was a fairly new flight attendant , and her English was not that good , and I wasn 't sure at that point how she would perform in a real emergency . So I wanted Mike there . " When everyone was off we walked through and started picking up guns and bullets and hand grenades left in the seats . " I was sitting on the front jump seat with Bruce Dunning when Mr . Daly came out of the cockpit and asked Bruce to sit in the back of the aircraft . We wanted Bruce to put the film of the Da Nang landing in the back because we figured that if anything survived from the flight , that film would , and there was this strong feeling among all of us that the world should know what had happened to us that day . Mr . Daly sat down on the front jump seat with me and asked me if I knew the condition of the aircraft , and I said I did , and then he asked me if I was afraid to die , and I said , " No , I 'm not afraid to die . " Then he put his arm around me and said , " Good girl . I 'll buy you a drink if we make it to Saigon . " And I said , " Mr . Daly , if we make it to Saigon , I want you to buy me a case of beer . " He laughed at that . Then Mr . Daly said to me , " These people don 't know that my gun is empty . " He had shot off all his bullets on the air stair trying to maintain order in Da Nang . And he said , " I 'll hold it on them when we land and give you time to open the door and pop the slide . " And I said , " Fine . " So we started the long descent into Saigon . Of course , we were coming in much faster than we should have because we could not adjust the flaps or anything . And the front jump seat was right over the nose gear . I could feel it if it came down and if it didn 't hold . I felt the main gear touch the ground , and I watched the airport go flying by . I kept waiting to feel the nose gear touch the ground . Ken held the nose of the plane off the ground for so long . I don 't know how he did it . All of a sudden I looked at the buildings flying by , and we were running level , and I knew then that the nose gear was down and that it was holding . I hadn 't even felt it come down . That 's how gently Ken put that 727 down . We raced along the runway because we couldn 't stop really well . Thank God they had a fourteen - thousand - foot runway in Saigon . There were fire trucks racing along next to us . And at the last minute we turned onto the taxiway . Then we stopped and had no visible sign of an emergency . I threw open the door , but I did not pop the emergency slide . Joe Hrezo was on the ground already . He 'd run out the aft air stair . Joe and I both yelled at the same time , " We need an ambulance and stretchers . " Then we waited for them to bring a stair up to the front door . The people inside stayed very calm . Due told them over the PA to stay seated and not to move . Nobody moved . Finally we started getting people off . I remember that one man lit a cigarette , and as he got to the front door , I told him that he couldn 't have the cigarette because of the fuel . And he dropped it and stepped on it . I saw he was barefooted . And I thought , " Oh , my God , that must hurt . " But he wasn 't feeling anything anymore . Not many people on the plane were . Most of our passengers were herded off to a side area . Stretchers were brought on board , and they carried out the man who had the bad wound in his head and the other man with his intestines hanging out . When everyone was off , we started to check out the inside of the aircraft . Val and I walked through it and started picking up guns and bullets and hand grenades left in the seats . I realized that there was far too much for us to carry out . So I said to Val , " Never mind . Just leave this stuff . Somebody will come ana take care of it . " Then Val and I got off . We were the last two people off the plane . We looked at the damage to the aircraft , and we were really quite appalled at how torn up the metal was and at the bullet holes in the wings . And I said to Val at that time , " It 's amazing that this plane could fly . " Val and I were picked up and taken to flight operations and then to the Caravelle Hotel . We were escorted to Mr . Daly 's suite , where NBC was interviewing all of us . I was sitting on the couch drinking beer as they made their film . There was a room next door and a suite where there were several dozen reporters waiting for us . They all wanted an interview . I asked Mr . Daly , " What should we say about the flight ? " He said , " Just tell the truth . " Mr . Daly took us all out to dinner that evening . When we got back to the hotel , I took a long shower . Then I lay down on the bed to sleep . But I couldn 't sleep . I kept seeing the people from that morning in Da Nang . I saw the woman trampled to death , and I could see her clothes and the bloody pulp of her body . And I saw that family of five again , all shot in the back and falling . And the man crawling down the aisle to me . I realized that I was not going to sleep at all that night . I got up and went over to the desk . I thought maybe I could write it all down . I tried writing . I got some of it . But it was really frustrating because it was too big for words . I didn 't know how to write it down like it really happened . Time went by . I had lost my conception of time . All of a sudden the phone rang . I answered , and the operator told me that I had an international call . I looked at the clock and realized it was seven in the morning . Then a woman came on the phone from a radio station in Los Angeles . She wanted to interview me . She had seen the CBS film of the flight from Da Nang on the news . So I told her what had happened . And at the end of the interview she said the dumbest thing I ever heard anybody say in my whole life . She said , " Miss Wollett , it sounds to me like you 're still upset . " Many things went through my mind at that moment . But all I could say was , " Let 's just put it this way . It 's not the kind of thing you see every day . " Then she said , " Well , thank you , Miss Wollett . And by the way , have a happy Easter . " Only then did I realize that it was Easter Sunday . |
Well , another morning without the bike , so I went over to the gym , again , to get some calorie burn in . To be honest about it , it was raining out so I don 't think I would have gone out anyway . On top of the rain it was pretty cold , especially for this area . Only a few miles up the road ( up I - 5 ) they had some snow . It was on Camp Pendleton , and some of Jason 's friends sent him a couple pictures , along with posting it on FB . Funny part is that while I was on the treadmill , listening to the weather channel , they said that 2014 will go down in the record books as the warmest year on record . Just struck me funny that they would say that , right after talking about the snow . We made a few last preparations for this evening , and the girls even helped me clean the floors ( they helped by staying in their room while I swept and mopped ) . I kept working on sections of the floor and then would let the girls come and inspect and they could play there , while I went on to the next section . I got it all done pretty quickly , and the girls thought it was fun . Not much else was done today , except heading over to Costco to buy some gas and pick up a couple of things . While we were there I received a phone call from the bike shop and my bike was ready . When we were done at Costco we simply went over to the bike shop and picked up the bike . They put a new crank on and it really looks good , so I 'm planning to take it out for a spin tomorrow . Yeah , it is supposed to be a little on the cool side again , but now precipitation , so I 'll be okay . Later in the day I will be going out with the girls so they can ride their bikes a little more . I think it is a great way to start the new year . We planned on having a simple New Year 's evening with the girls and with that I just made some hamburgers for all of us , and we 'll just waited for the ball to drop signifying a new year . The girls took a good nap today for the purpose of staying up to see the new year in , so we 'll see how that goes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . . . And a Happy New Year to All ! We only have one more day left this year and in my humble opinion , it went way too fast . I remember last Christmas and thinking , wow a new year coming and now , here it is , nearly a year later and that year is just about gone . So much has come and gone and we 've had some ups and downs , with ups being way ahead - - - fortunately . I probably won 't be posting tomorrow , unless I happen to have some time that allows me to . We have already told the girls they can stay up until the end of the year ( midnight ) so I expect them to either be full of energy and excited or zonked out on the couch . Today began with me heading over to the gym . My bike is in the shop so I have to do something else to burn those calories . This holiday season is no different from others , and I have struggled to avoid a bunch of extra calories . I dropped about 20 lbs . coming into Thanksgiving , and now , at the end of the year I have put about five of those back on . Come January , and a repaired bike , I should be able to get back into a routine and drop those five and hopefully a few more off quickly . Linda is the one who has been the real trooper , and has not only lost a bunch of weight , but has also managed to keep those pounds off . I am so proud of her . Jason looks like he also dropped a few pounds and is looking healthier . His wounds are looking the best they have looked in a long time , and I am confident that he can get them fully closed over these next few months . There is still the challenge of finding him a seating solution that allows him to stay up in his chair , without putting undue pressure on those areas , and we have some very good folks working on just that . Tonight we went and saw The Hobbit , and really enjoyed it . They did a very good job of picking up just where they left off with the first part , last year . They also did a pretty good job of staying with the story , and I guess that 's why it was made into a two - part series . We had a baby sitter come over to stay with the girls , and that worked out very well . Stacy and Jackie were already familiar with Caroline , so they felt they were getting a special treat and had no problems with all of us leaving them at the house . Not sure what all is going to be going on tomorrow , since we 're having a bit of rain here . I was hoping to get the girls out on their bikes , but that may not happen now . I 'm sure there will be plenty of time for them to ride with the coming year , so we 'll just take whatever happens . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We 've decided to keep our Christmas decorations up at least until the end of the first week of January . We thought about starting to take them down , and then recognized that the girls both really enjoy them , and so we will keep them up as long as they are with us , and that gets us to the end of the first week . We should have them all packed up by the 8th or so , and then look forward to the next major holiday . . . Groundhog Day ! Today started with George and I going over to the bicycle shop and putting my bike in for some service and a tune up . As it turned out they suggested to have even more work than I thought was needed , but only because there is a part that is difficult to acquire ( center ring on the front crank ) . I told them to go ahead and replace the entire crank , and it is going to cost $ 20 more , but then I 'll have a new crank . I shouldn 't complain though , I thought the total cost would be about $ 150 and it looks like it will come in , less than that . We came back to the house and then we took George to the air port where he caught his flight back home . There were a couple of delays , and he took off about 30 minutes later than originally scheduled , but we know he arrived home safely , and that is the most important thing . Our friend Rick Edson picked him up and took him to his home , and now George will be able to get to work tomorrow . George is very dedicated to his job , and they love him for it . We had a couple more errands , and then I took everybody back home . The last was the trip to Costco and I ran that one on my own . Linda was back at the house taking care of a few other things , and it allowed the girls to stay home and play , like they wanted . What was really good today was that Jason was able to basically just stay in bed , again today , and allow the wounds to progress a bit more . I am very pleased at how they are progressing , and actually look forward to our next visit to Wound Care , so they can see how well he is doing . Tonight we had a roasted chicken and baked potato , with some carrots . It was kind of funny when the girls asked for dessert , because Jackie asked first and she wanted jelly beans ( Jelly Belly ) . As soon as Stacy saw that we were okay with it she jumped in and said she was wanting the same thing . Linda allowed them to each have just a couple , and they were very happy to have it . I found it amusing that they were happy with that type of dessert . Not much else going on other than we are looking to go see the Hobbit tomorrow . We have someone coming in to watch the girls , and then we 'll go to the movie . It is a very popular movie , so I am hoping that it won 't be too busy . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We got up this morning , and thought it was going to be a laid back , relaxed morning getting ready for church . The challenge to this was that last night I decided to go ahead and list the Explorer ( This is the truck that Jason gave me after he was injured . He was never going to be able to drive it again and it provided me with a vehicle , before Linda had come down ) for sale . I woke up to a text message , and then another and then phone calls , and before 08 : 00 I had spoken to five potential buyers and had made appointments with all of them , for this afternoon . As it was , I still had time to get it down to the car wash and back home again before church . We went to church and it was very nice and relaxing . We took George with us , to meet some of the folks there , and to show him we were involved with a new church community . After church we headed home and just as we arrived the phone started going again . This time it was the same five folks and me telling them that the first buyer was going to be buying the truck . I kind of felt guilty that I wasn 't able to let some of the other folks know sooner , and save them the trouble of driving up to a half an hour to get here , but it turned out as it did . The gentleman I sold it to , turned out to be a Marine , and that made me feel better , and he really seemed to know quite allot about vehicles and Fords in particular . He even brought some of his own test equipment and hooked up to find that the engine was in good shape and he was happy with the results . No haggling on the price , and in fact one of the other five offered to pay me a couple hundred more . I had already shook on the deal and the truck was sold for my asking price . The selling of the truck will help Linda and I with some upcoming expenses . The rest of the evening was spent taking care of some paper work and then George and I took the girls to the San Diego Zoo . They are having a special Zoo - Lights event for the rest of the year and we wanted to let the girls see it . We did something different this time , too . We just walked everywhere , and didn 't jump on a tour bus . The girls had a great time and we even visited an area we hadn 't been to since last year - and that was the snakes and lizards displays . The girls were totally fascinated with all that they saw and managed to do a great deal of walking . We stayed until the lights , and then a little while after , then went home . When we got home , it was easy to tell they were tired . Linda had dinner just about ready , and then we sat down and had dinner . The girls went to bed , and this was Linda 's turn to read them a story , and my guess is that they will sleep well tonight . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . It has been a very exciting and different kind of day . We were invited to go view a private screening of the movie , Unbroken , by Trident Realty Group and Home Bridge Financial . Both organizations are led by veterans and have a special place in their hearts for other veterans . Jason and I met Mike Chiesl , of Trident , a couple of years ago , and the property where Jason 's new home is being built was located by Tim Kirk , a member of Trident . Anyway , the theater was full and it was a very good movie . I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys historical stories , and doesn 't need to have lots of sci - fi special effects . The acting was excellent and the directing was much , much better than I expected . Angelina Jolie did an outstanding job , from my perspective . We got home at about 14 : 30 ( 2 : 30pm ) and the girls were asleep . This is probably a good thing as we had a couple of things to do , and time was needed to finish everything up . We could have gotten home a little sooner , but we wanted to drive by the property , where Jason 's house is being built , to show George just where it is , and what the property looks like . We hadn 't been there is several weeks , and one of the big changes was that the lot next to Jason 's is being worked on right now , so we 'll have neighbors , I think , when we move in . Well , actually there are some neighbors already , just this one is right next door and shares a property line . Not much else happened tonight , except that I fixed a nice dinner of salmon and rice . We had pumpkin pie for dessert , and I usually don 't eat dessert . Not sure what we 'll be doing tomorrow , other than going to church , so I might just take a little time to get the girls out on their bikes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Christmas Day was excellent , and very tiring . Linda and I stayed up late on Christmas Eve and then the girls got us up very early the next day . We would have liked to have been able to get a nap in there , but it just wasn 't to be . By the end of the day we were both very tired and went to bed a little on the early side ( about 21 : 30 , or 9 : 30pm ) . That is why there was no post yesterday . . . Gifts were exchanged and we had great fun watching the girls open their gifts , and despite our best efforts , there were still several gifts for the girls . We had agreed that the number of gifts this year was going to be kept at a minimum because there just isn 't much more room here , and we already have too much stuff to deal with . When we get in to the new home it will have more space and more importantly , it will have storage room . Anyway , the girls were all very excited about all their gifts and then Jason brought in ( he actually had me bring them in ) the big ones . He bought bicycles for the girls and they were very excited about it . And that actually brings us to today . This morning we had a big breakfast and then a quick visit by the young woman who will be watching the girls tomorrow , while we are out . We wanted to have her come by , so the girls could meet her and we could meet her and it all worked very well - but more on that later . Around 11 : 30 we all went over to the school 's parking lot and let the girls try out their new bikes . Stacy was a little nervous at first and then got used to it very quickly . Both bikes have training wheels and they are going to be needed for a little while . Jackie had a little difficulty with the peddles and after a few minutes of helping her to get them to go around with her feet on them she began to do a bunch more riding on her own . She still has to master the use of the breaks , and I think that will be done before the end of next week . Stacy wants to go for a ride with me , so I have something to look forward to . The rest of the day was spent with Linda taking care of some of the returns she needs to get done , and a few other tasks around the house , like taking care of the animals and cleaning Mr Jingles ' cage . Then tomorrow we will be going out to a " private " screening of Unbroken , the movie about Louis Zamperini , and his life . This is why we need the help of the young woman who will be taking care of them while we 're gone . Jason and I had the opportunity to see Mr . Zamperini a couple of years ago , and would have loved to have gotten to know him , but that wasn 't to be . Tonight , Linda , George ( as a reminder , our son George came down for a visit ) and I watched a movie that George received for Christmas - The Guardians of The Galaxy " . It was the first time for both George and Linda , and I enjoyed it when I saw it - just a funny and silly movie from Marvel Comics . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . It was the night before Christmas , when all through the house , not a creature was stirring , not even a mouse . . . okay , maybe a few creatures were stirring , but somebody had to get the last of the preparations done . The girls didn 't get to bed until after 21 : 00 ( 9pm ) , and that is late for them . I guess we could have pushed and gotten them to go to bed earlier , but that just didn 't feel right tonight . Linda is still running around taking care of the last little things , just like when Jason was back at home with his brothers . She is happy and feeling like this is the way it is supposed to be - normal , if you will . I actually began the day with a quick 15 mile ride ( only took an hour ) , and Linda was getting some early morning exercise in as well . Because George is here , the girls have another adult to go to with questions , and both Stacy and Jackie think their Uncle George is great fun . This also gives us a little bit of a chance to take care of some last minute stuff , without worrying about hiding stuff from the girls . We had a very nice dinner , that was relaxed and loaded with all kinds of conversation . Later in the evening I helped the girls create their cards for Daddy , and both of them did an outstanding job . I really didn 't have to do much to help Stacy , she is developing so well . Tomorrow should be a fun day , filled with all kinds of things , and I probably won 't be putting a post out tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was a very busy day , and if you manage to ignore all the traffic , it was a very pleasurable day . We had one appointment today , with the VA , and also a need to get over to the DMV so Jason could get the permanent plates for his truck . The previous time we were at the DMV ( Department of Motor Vehicles ) one of the clerks told Jason that he would have to come back in with the plates and exchange them for the Purple Heart Plates . We said , " Okay . " Then went home to wait . The original plates finally showed up and Jason took them in to exchange them , only that didn 't happen . This time we spoke with another woman working the window and and she said the Purple Heart plates should have been ordered with the last attempt to get them . Bottom line is that Jason should finally get his license plates around the end of February . Out oldest son George , flew in today , from Livermore . A big hug to our friend Chris who drove George to the airport and walked him to the gate of departure . George has special needs and requires assistance when traveling alone . He will be staying with us for a week and then he 'll be headed back home . George was pretty excited that Jason let him sleep on the cot that Jason used in Afghanistan . We are happy that he wanted to spend Christmas with us , it 's been about a year since I saw George . Linda was able to see him this past summer after she attended the Blue Star Mother 's Convention in San Francisco . Stacy and Jackie love when their uncles come to visit . It would be exceptionally wonderful to have all four of our son 's with us for Christmas ; maybe another year . I 'll do my best to get some pictures posted , from the visit . As you can imagine the girls are counting the days until Christmas . Tonight at dinner Jackie told me that I was Santa ( I guess I look a little like the guy ) and Stacy said that I wasn 't because my beard is too short , I love being a Grandpa . I think I 'll bake some cookies tomorrow while Linda finishes up wrapping some presents . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Please take care and stay positive . The day started early for Linda and I , today . She got up to take care of some personal things and I was up so that I could get in an early and fast bike ride . It was only 15 miles , and I did it in just over an hour . It was probably one of the best I have had along the harbor , and that was because there were few pedestrians around . I was able to get up a nice cruse going and didn 't have that many people to dodge and slow me down . When I got back the girls were both up and having fun with Jason . Linda was in the kitchen getting their breakfast ready . I sat down to cool off a bit and then a short while later Linda took off for most of the day . She had a bunch of things she wanted to get done before George came for his visit tomorrow , so that we could spend the time with him . I also had a few things I needed to get done , and I also had promised to take the girls to the park . There is a small local park that they enjoy going to , and it is within walking distance of the house . When we arrived there was another gentleman there with his two grand sons . He and I sat on a bench and watched the kids running and playing . It was nice just sitting back and talking with him , while also monitoring the girls . We stayed for about an hour or so and then came back to the house . Actually , about that time was now lunch , so I fixed a nice and easy lunch for the girls and after that they wanted to lay down and rest . This worked for me , as I needed to run over to the Wounded Warrior Project to pick up a Christmas dinner they were offering to the alumni , and we are a part of that . It looks pretty good , and we 'll probably actually have it on Christmas , so that we don 't have to do too much to prepare dinner . The rest of the day was just getting the last couple of things done and taking care of some of the stuff around the house . Dinner tonight was fish sticks , and everybody was happy about that . After dinner we watched a couple of old Christmas movies , one with the girls before they went to bed , and then Linda and I watched another one after they went to bed . With the second one we fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up I said I think its time for bed . Thanks , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today is the first day of winter , and it really showed down here . I actually got the light jacket out of the closet and carried it with us tonight ( didn 't put it on , but I had it just in case ) . We went out for a nice dinner with another couple tonight , and it was very enjoyable . They took us to a Mexican Sea Food restaurant and the food was excellent . Afterward we went to another place and had dessert , which was also very good . Needless to say , I need to get some exercise in tomorrow to " pay " for all this - I must have gained 5 lbs . But I 'm getting ahead of myself . This morning we got up and decided we really needed to finish all the Christmas cards , and we did . The challenge was that today is Sunday and the Post Office is closed , or at least that was what I thought . It was still early , almost 08 : 00 and I decided to go for a ride . On my way out I rode over to the local post office and they have a notice on the door that said they were going to be open today , after 10 : 00 for four hours . I immediately stopped and got on the phone and called Linda to let her know that we could still get the cards to the post office TODAY ! I got my 21 miles in and felt pretty good , when I got back home . Jumped in the shower and the two of us were off to mail the letters . The oops I made was that I didn 't see that our local office was still closed and we needed to go to another one . We stopped to get some gas at Costco ( gas is continuing to go down , and that is a good thing ) and then headed out to the next closest office . We arrived at El Cajon post office and there was just one other person in line . We basically walked up and another clerk came up to the counter and we were served . He was extremely helpful and since we had 90 Christmas cards , that all had to be checked individually , with one of the also being international , we needed the extra attention . As it turned out most of the cards needed an additional $ . 42 of postage ( they were slightly over weight and they all had a special handling because of size ) , and he came up with the easiest solution for stamps . We got the cards mailed and we felt pretty good , since this was the first time we had sent out cards in almost five years . When we got back home we realized that we had forgotten a few so we 'll end up getting those out tomorrow , and they 'll probably be a little late in arriving . Once we were done with that we decided to head back home and get things ready so we could get out tonight ( the dinner I talked about , above ) . We needed to make sure Jason was taken care of and he had a dinner ready for him . I did a dressing change and the wounds are looking better again , and that makes me hopeful for the rest of the year . We went to dinner and had a very enjoyable time and came back home , with some time to spare . The girls were coming over at 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) , or so we thought to stay with us a night early . They showed up about an hour later and we were all happy to be together again . They had been fed , bathed and were ready for bed , and this was excellent . I read them a nice bed time story and Linda and I put them to bed . Jason had fallen asleep by the time they came , so he 'll have to wait until morning to see them . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , we didn 't finish the Christmas Cards , like we wanted to . Tomorrow is Sunday so we 'll just have to wait until Monday to get them in the mail . That means some of them ( most of them ? ) won 't make to their destinations before Christmas . May be that 's a good thing , as people will still be receiving some mail after Christmas . . . ; - ) Linda was up early this morning , and that 's after staying up late last night , working on the cards . I had pretty well done most of what I needed to get done , and because Linda wants to be sure they all get done the way they should be , she is doing them . Guys , and I 'm one of them , have a tendency to want to just get it done , and women , Linda in this case , want to be sure everything is done correctly . The mistake we made was not getting started on them soon enough . Next year should be better . I did get a short bike ride in today - Linda needed a paper cutter ( her 's broke ) so I rode down on my bike to buy one . I got it back to the house and then decided to ride out to Costco to pick up a couple of things that would simply fit in my back pack , also for Linda . Apparently , when I made the first of the two trips I must have run over a small piece of steel , because I noticed the rear tire being a little low when I was getting ready to take off for the second trip . I didn 't think much about it , as the tires tend to loose a little air over time anyway . By the time I had another 8 miles down the tire was flat , so I stopped to put more air into it and then another 1 / 2 mile and it was flat again . I ended up calling home and Jason came to pick me up in the truck . I did make it to Costco though , and I did pick up the items for Linda . The rest of the day was spent finishing the cards and basically staying at home . Tomorrow we will be relaxing a bit and Linda and I are being taken out to dinner by a couple of friends of ours . I 'd let you know where we 're going , except I don 't know ; just that it is a nice restaurant . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was really a fun day for Jason , Linda and I ( girls are with their mother ) . We went up to speak with the builders of his future home , and we discussed interior issues , as well as some structural ones . Effectively , the house is designed . It is a matter of getting all the permits done and some of the minor other issues done and lined up . The house is being built to make life easier for Jason , and with the idea that the house is more than just a house , it is his HOME . It is a place where he will be able to do all the things anyone else can do in a house , and he will know he is safe . We are so excited about what is happening , and Linda and I are so very happy to be a part of this . For those of you who are able to find me on Face Book you will see a new video that was recently released by the Gary Sinise Foundation , and it explains the house better than I ever could . Please take a moment and view the video . The trip up to the meeting took us about an hour , and that was because we ( I ) got lost ( I was driving ) , so it wasn 't too bad . We spent another 2 1 / 2 hours talking with the team and then we headed back home . Traffic was building up some now , and it still took about an hour to get home . This means that Jason was up in his chair for about 5 hours total , with a couple of those hours being bounced around a bit . That bouncing is what I get concerned about the most . Actually , I found out later from Linda , that the freeway we came back on was now nearly solid bumper - to - bumper and moving very slowly . Linda was out at Target and came right back when she was done . We had lunch and then Jason went to sleep , and that was good . Linda and I also decided to take care of some of our other important tasks , and that happens to be the need to get the Christmas Cards out . They will be in the mail , in the morning . . . . Hurray ! We ended up sending out nearly 100 cards , and basically stopped at that point . We 've compiled as many addresses as we could ; Linda had packed our address book and we haven 't been able to locate it within the boxes in storage . We sincerely apologize if you were looking for a card from us , and we didn 't get to it . We wish you a very Happy and Merry Christmas , as well as a Happy New Year . The rest of this evening is going to be spent just relaxing and getting ready for the weekend . Thank you , for the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Jason and I went to Balboa this morning and he had two appointments . His first appointment was with Wound Care and it was an early one - about 08 : 50 ( usually we 're going in at almost 11 : 00 ) . They were very pleased with how both wound areas are looking and so am I . We will continue to minimize the amount of time he spends in his chair , and thus give it more opportunity to heal . After the Wound Care Jason had an appointment with the folks at Physical Therapy . I told Jason that I would be getting a hair cut while he was at that appointment , and I would meet him there . As it turned out there was no waiting at the barber so I was in and out a little faster than usual , and that was a good thing . That gave me a chance to go over to the ASYMCA ( Armed Services YMCA ) and go say , " Hi ! " to a couple of the folks there , and also wish them a Merry Christmas . I then walked over to where Jason was and he was getting close to being done . Jason also brought along Christmas cards and was handing them out to people , and while we were at Balboa ( Linda and I need to finish up our cards tomorrow ) . Finally we went over to Bldg 26 and Jason had to take care of a couple things with the VA , and then we went back home . The next thing was that I was needing to get up to Oceanside for a Caregiver meeting . Linda and I drove up and found out that the meeting , again , was cancelled . We weren 't the only caregivers to be there and there were a number of the VA people a little embarrassed that we were there . It really wouldn 't have bothered me so much except that the drive up was almost an hour , and now we had to turn around and go back home . I guess with all the stuff going on this week we needed a little extra rest so we just laid down to take a nap . We got up from the nap and decided we wanted to go to a late showing of Exodus . We fixed dinner and cleaned up and then the three of us went to the 21 : 00 ( 9 : 00pm ) showing of the movie . It was a pretty good movie , but the movie The Ten Commandments I felt was much better and told a better story . Besides , the newer one left a few things out that I felt were important . I 'm not going to say what they were as you might want to go see it , and I don 't want to spoil it for you . Bottom line it was a different slant on the story , and basically it was the same . We came back home after midnight and we 're now getting ready to go to bed . We have to get up early tomorrow as we have a meeting about the house , and want to be on time , if we can . I 'll go over this more tomorrow , or should I say later today . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Monday ended with everyone getting to bed at a reasonable hour , and I had expectations of sleeping very soundly through the night . At about 01 : 10 I received a call from Jason , who was up with Stacy . She was having some very tough pains in her lower abdomen and we soon decided that we needed to get her to the ER , at Balboa . We arrived there at about 01 : 40 , and by 02 : 00 ( I happened to look at a clock ) a nurse was working with Stacy , in the ER . They diagnosed that it was severe constipation and after taking some X - rays decided that they were correct . I was worried it was an appendix problem , and I was very glad when I found out I was wrong . They also ran some cultures and found out that she had a urinary infection ( UTI ) . Total time at the ER was just about 3 1 / 2 hours , and though it was now almost time to be getting up , I felt like it wasn 't a long stay . We left with the antibiotics and went straight home . Fortunately , Linda was able to get back to sleep with Jackie , at least for a couple of hours . I didn 't wake either of them until it was time for Jackie to start getting ready for school ( we decided Stacy should just stay home and rest ) . Since Linda also had an early appointment to get to I let her know I could take Jackie to school , and I would let them know what was going on with Stacy . We actually thought that for the most part , everything should settle down now . But it didn 't - Stacy had an appointment with her doctor ( it had already been scheduled previously ) , and it is important to know this , for the next issue . She was up a couple hours later and still complaining of stomach / abdominal issues . Because of the rain , and the time of the appointment , it was decided that I would take Stacy to see her doctor , and let them know about the ER visit earlier in the day . When we arrived the exam led them to believe , again , it might be an appendix issue . In order to have the right tests Stacy was going to have to go to the ER at Rady Hospital , and so began our next ER visit on Tuesday . This visit proved to be a bit more painful for Stacy , as they had to draw blood this time , and she really does hate needles , and tests were run . The final outcome was , again determined that she was very constipated and backed up , and needed an enema . Of course this took several hours to figure out and , in their defense , there were multiple labs to be done , and all these take time . Their first blood test was some how messed up and they had to come get more blood , which Stacy really didn 't want to happen . Finally , everything done , the enema was given and a short while later Stacy was cleared and she felt much better , immediately . Stacy was back in her own bed at about 23 : 30 ( 11 : 30pm ) . Needless to say , we were both tired , and I was out . This morning rolled around and at 05 : 20 I am up again , and I need to help Anthony get to the airport , to catch a flight . Not sure why I wake up like that , but when I know I need to be up at a certain hour I tend to wake up very close to the hour , without using an alarm clock . When I was done with that I was back in bed at about 06 : 10 , and trying to get some rest when Jackie came up and wanted to get in bed with Grandma , where I also happened to be . She was very happy and full of energy so we got up and did our regular routine of getting her ready for school . Before we went to school Stacy came out and also stated she wanted to go to school - the Christmas show was set for tonight and she wanted to be a part of it . Jackie was ready to go so I took her and came back and then took Stacy . The rest of the day was pretty relaxed , and I even got in a short bike ride . This was quite nice considering that it was raining when I took Anthony to the airport . Jason had a couple of appointments , so he took off , with Gracie , and Linda and I stayed at home . We took care of a couple of little chores and things around the house , and then I took a little nap . While napping Linda was able to get out and do a little shopping . The evening came and we all got ready to head over to the Christmas program , where both girls were going to be singing . It was a nice program and very enjoyable . It didn 't take too long and it is always fun to sit back and watch the children stand up , so proud of themselves , and listen to them sign . Even better is watching the parents when their kids are singing as they all get up as close to the front as they can , so they can get that one better picture . For the most part they attempt to be courteous but some of them really don 't seem to realize just how silly they look . It was a nice program and we were glad we went . The girls went out with their mother this time , and we came back to the house . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , we had a great weekend and made the most of the relaxing time . The weather improved from the rain storm we had - and we really do need the rain , so I am hoping we get some more . We made a little progress with our Christmas Cards , and who knows , we may be able to actually get them out this year , before Christmas ( I was hoping to have it done by today , actually ) . On Saturday I got in a nice 25 - mile ride , and then on Sunday to switched to a faster pace and put in 15 miles , so I 'd be back home in time to go to church . Now all I have to do is be able to get in 30 miles at the 15 mile pace , and I 'll be ready for the longer rides . . . ; - ) Also on Sunday we went over to our friend 's home , Anthony and Angelica , and enjoyed a nice relaxing time with them . We made it back to the house about 19 : 00 ( 7pm ) and within a pretty short amount of time had the girls bathed and in bed . All quiet at the house by 20 : 30 ( 8 : 30pm ) and shortly thereafter we were ready for bed ourselves . Sofia , from Serving Spoons , had left a very nice dinner for us , and it was waiting , hidden , when we got home . We had actually communicated with Sofia the day before so we kind of knew where to look . Today began a little on the rough side . Both Stacy and Jackie had gotten us up a couple of times , through the night , and as we result we 're both kind of worn down tonight . Perhaps we 'll be able to get to bed early and be able to get the full 8 - hours in . Anyway , we were up at about the same time as we usually do , and we were able to get the girls to school with a few minutes to spare . Afterward , Linda had a couple of errands to run ; Jason had a few errands to run ; and , I had a couple of things I wanted to get done . I think the extra errands is a direct result of the holidays that are upon us right now . Linda went one way and I went with Jason , to help him out with some of his Christmas shopping . After we returned to the house I went back out , on my own , to take care of the two little errands I wanted to get done . Tonight we ate the Serving Spoons dinner , and it was excellent , as always , and the funny thing is , is that she is looking for another family or two , in this area , to help in the same way . I need to connect with another family that would appreciate this gift . I also made some Toll House cookies , with the girls . It is the first time that they have made cookies with me , and both of them had a great time . The cookies came out very nice , only I didn 't make my usual double batch . I told Jason I was anxious to get into the new kitchen of his new house , so I could make more and possibly get some other baking and other cooking done . The rest of the evening was getting the girls to bed and Jason 's dressing changes in , and then that was it . The really good news is that once again , Jason 's wounds are looking pretty good , and we might see some significant improvement before the end of the year . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I felt kind of special today . . . It actually rained most of the day here , and at times it actually rained kind of hard . Most of the time it wasn 't very hard at all , though . Unfortunately it doesn 't look like it will rain tomorrow , but that 's okay , we have some things to do and the rain would make some of them a little more difficult . We took the girls to school today , and we still walked , and they got to wear their rubber rain boots . They were pretty excited to do that . What I found out later was that the school administrators truly considered closing the school down today , just because of the rain . " There is a concern for the standing water caused by poor drainage . " I just kind of felt numb when I heard that . Now I know the folks in So . Cal have a slanted view of the world and reality , but come on , a little rain and you shut down the school ? Fortunately , there are enough people around that over road that line of thinking . No problems with the van today , as we did take it out for a short spin , and went over to Balboa . There was a Christmas luncheon today , put on by the ASYMCA ( Armed Services YMCA ) , and the kids who registered received some gifts , along with the lunch . Stacy and Jackie both got to pick out a little something and were very happy with what they got ( Stacy a very nice Barbie Doll and Jackie wanted a Play Dough set ) . I 'll post a few photos of the event , like Jason with Santa , tomorrow . A little later in the day we took them to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese . It was one of the girls in Stacy 's Kindergarten class . We got there at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and left at around 19 : 30 ( 7 : 30pm ) . Tomorrow we hope to have a nice relaxed day , and should be able to stay dry . Thank you for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out with Linda and I still getting up before 07 : 00 and looking at all the different little chores / tasks we wanted to get accomplished . One of those was for me to get a 25 + mile ride in , and I did it with some morning left over to spare . I was really kind of surprised that when I got back home I felt pretty good , and I figure it was all related to my diet . Prior to the ride I ate an apple and a yogurt , and then on the turn around , to come back home I stopped and had a banana and a small packet of honey . I think the honey was the most important thing for energy . I 'm going to continue working like that and work myself up to even longer rides . Linda went off with a friend of hers , to go look at thrift stores and do a little shopping . It was one of those girls days out , kind of things . I guess it had the effect needed because she came back with only a few things purchased , and she was in a great mood . You might wonder where was Jason in all this , well he was relaxing in his room playing his video games , and that was okay by us . Of course he did do other things , and took care of a few on line needs and communications , but most importantly he didn 't put any stress on the wounds . One thing that happened today , and it was kind of expected , was that the van has returned ! They got it fixed and made a minor change in the dash board ( the average person would not even notice the difference ) , and now it works again . The problem was a blown fuse . Tonight we went out to visit with the cats , as we hadn 't seen them in a few weeks . It was fun and we even had the girls with us . Where the cats are staying , there are a few dogs in the house as well , and they all seem to get along okay . The girls were initially interested in seeing the cats , but as soon as they saw the dogs the cats were almost forgotten . The dogs are cute and small , so it is the perfect size for them to play with , and they did . Jackie didn 't want to come home ! Anyway , that was pretty much the day , and it was a nice relaxing day . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was another of those days when things just go right . It began with Jason having to get ready to go to PT , at Balboa , and at the same time I took the SemperFi van back to the Wounded Warrior Battalion . The SemperFi van was great having , since we really did need it , just to get around , and now another family will be using it . We made sure it was clean and had a full tank of gas . I also spoke with Terry , from the Ability Center and found out that our Ford van should be ready tomorrow , and that they did find out what was going on with the shifter being stuck in park all the time . Apparently there was a blown fuse and when it was replaced , everything thing worked again . I know , it makes you wonder why it too so long to figure out it was a blown fuse , but I don 't care at this point , I 'm just glad that it should be back tomorrow . Because it was a " should be " we still went ahead and took the loaner van . . . just in case . Linda and I took the girls to school and then we had a bunch of other little things to get done . The one BIG thing we needed to get done was our trip to Costco , so when Jason and I got back from the morning appointments Linda and I went to Costco . We managed to only buy a couple of things that weren 't on the list , and got out relatively inexpensively . . . One of the other things we did , while by the Costco was to go to Ikea ( the two stores sit very close to each other ) . Neither of us had ever been in an Ikea , so it was a learning experience for both of us . To be honest , we were not impressed all that much . I did like that they offer an area to watch the children ( you have to pay for it ) , and there is a food court like area , in the store . There were a couple of things that we thought were nice , but over all I would have to say it is kind of low on our list for places to shop . The rest of the evening was relaxed , and Jason even fell asleep kind of early . Linda and I had a nice dinner ( Jason ate later ) , and then we watched the movie , The Giver with Jeff Bridges , right after I finished my blog - which I 'm doing right now . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another good day to relax , and Jason did just that . He didn 't get up any more than he absolutely needed to , and that is very helpful to his healing effort . When I did the dressing change there was a noticeable improvement of the wound areas , and I am hopeful that it will continue . And , since there really wasn 't much else to go on about for today , I will let you know that I got another bike ride in , and had another 22 + mile ride . It was very enjoyable and I am determined to work my way up to 30 + miles with each ride . . . I 'll let you know how that works . . . ; - ) We did get some decorations up on the tree and in the house yesterday , and I am posting a couple of pictures today , to go with it . On top of that we have a couple of decorations out in front , and it does help to make it feel more like a Christmas time of year . I really do enjoy San Diego , but it just needs to have a little more seasonal type weather . This constant Spring / Early Summer is starting to get to me . Even when we were in Livermore there were come days when it was cold , as well as hot . I guess it made you appreciate the moderate temperatures more . When we move to Jason 's new house next year I am hopeful that the weather will be more like Livermore . Jason has a couple of appointments tomorrow , and I will be turning the Semper Fi van back in . It has been a wonderful gift , as it allowed us to get around as a family unit . We will still have a van to use , and not to worry about us getting around , its just that the Semper Fi van was nearly brand new when we were loaned the vehicle , and that was almost 3 years ago . If you 're looking for a place to send your donation dollars , the Semper Fi Foundation or The Gary Sinise Foundation are very high on my list . There are others , Stand Up And Play , EOD Warriro Foundation , and others that can also be seen as very helpful , so please consider these when the time comes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Kind of a fun day today . The morning started out with us getting up at around 07 : 00 and me getting ready for a bike ride . Jason didn 't have any appointments for himself , just for Gracie . Linda was up and taking care of some things she wanted to get done , and it was one of those feel good days where none of us had any immediate pressing issues . I got in about 21 . 5 miles , so that 's two days of 20 + rides . Tomorrow I might go for another one , but it all depends on how things work out . Jason had to get Gracie over to the veterinarian , and have some dental work done . Apparently she had to have a tooth pulled , as well as some other dental work done . The tooth being pulled was the major issue , and apparently it was a tooth that had been bad for some time , just never caught before . The roots were pretty much non - existent and it was simply being held in place by the gums and some pressure from the other teeth next to it . It wasn 't infected or any other problem with it , just that it might have become a real problem , so it was pulled . The girls are with us for the next couple of days , and when they came Linda had some decorating fun ready for them . The tree is up and I have all the lights working , so now it is up to the three of them to finish with the rest of the decorating . Linda let the girls hang all the ornaments , and the tree sits up on a table , so it is effectively about 6 . 5 feet high at the top . Stacy figured out to get the stool , so she could reach higher , yet still not high enough to make it to the top . All the ornaments sit in a 3 - foot band around the tree and it looks wonderful . When they finally get everything done I 'll post a picture of the master piece . I just about got our Christmas letter finished , so we 'll probably be sending out our cards in the next few days . They might even reach everyone before Christmas this year . Over the past few years we just weren 't able to get cards out , so it is important to us to get it done this year . Otherwise , we didn 't do much today , except take care of a couple of errands and get the paramobile down out of Jason 's truck and back into the garage ( we 're expecting rain soon ) . The other thing to update everyone on is the van , and the lift mechanism . The folks at Ability Center have had the van for about a week now and have been working with Ford ( one of the dealers - not sure which one ) and no one can seem to figure out what has gone wrong with the Interlock System - the van 's transmission still won 't come out of park . When I spoke with them today they said they have done everything they can , including setting a new programmed module for the interlock and it still won 't work . The van is going back to Ford and we 're hoping that whatever is hung up can get fixed . I 'd like to have the van back . It was nice having a larger vehicle to carry everyone comfortably . I 'll keep you updated as I learn more , so for now . . . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I hope everyone took a moment to remember the heroes of the Pearl Harbor attack , that happened 73 years ago , today . Just 14 years ago , Linda and I were in Pearl Harbor , for our 25th wedding anniversary . There was a brief discussion about it , at Church today , and it is something that I hope continues to be remembered , lest we allow ourselves to become complacent and are attacked again . Today began with Linda and I going to church , and Jason going off with his friends , to go shooting . It is probably the one activity that he can do , without putting a great deal of dependence on others . After church we came back to the house and we had lunch . Linda took care of a little cleaning and then took off to get some thrift store shopping in ( she loves thrift stores ) , along with some of the other local businesses . She came back with a couple of decorations , so we won 't have to go through our storage to find the Christmas decorations . She was gone for nearly three hours , and came back just a short time after Jason came back . Yes , that means I was at the house , all by myself for almost three full hours . It seemed kind of strange and quiet , and nice . We 've begun decorating the house , and that includes a wreath that Linda purchased at Church today . The Boy Scouts were selling them , and you know what kind of a softy she is , when it comes to the Boy Scouts . It is now hanging on the front door . Not much else happened , we hope that the holiday season is a great one for you . Take care and stay positive . I got up this morning , at about 06 : 30 . It was a little on the early side , considering it is a weekend , but I wanted to get out and ride my bike , since I hadn 't done so in several days . I put in 20 + miles and felt pretty good about it . When I made it back to the house Linda was also up and just beginning to get ready to head over to the C . A . R . E . Symposium at Balboa . Today was the last day of the event and we planned on going in later than the previous two days . Jason said he wanted to go in as well , since CMDR Laura Ledyard ( ret . U . S . Navy ) would be speaking . Laura was our Care Coordinator when we first arrived at Balboa , and if there was anyone we could go to , to get things done , it was Laura . If you have been a regular reader of the blog you will know that she has been mentioned a few times in the past , in ways that she has helped us . Anyway , she was speaking today , along with a few other people we know from Balboa . Funny part is that they all used us , and especially Jason , as references in their various talks , to describe the best way to do things . At the end of the symposium there was another panel discussion , and Linda got involved , or maybe I should say , pulled in to the panel . Jason and I had left after the final speaker , so he could get back to the house and lay down , and Linda stayed . I don 't think she intended to get that involved with the discussion , it was more like they pulled her in . People in the audience would ask questions that were almost directly related to Jason 's and our story , so Linda was the best source of information . Once we were all back at the house , and Jason was comfortable , Linda and I went to Costco to pick up a few things . How come , when you go to Costco to only pick up a few things , you still end up spending almost $ 200 , before getting out of the door ? There were all kinds of people there and it was pretty crowded . . . that is until you got up to the registers . Most of them were going , yet only had a few customers at each one . They were getting them out the door as fast as possible , and that made it a better experience , I guess . The rest of the evening was relaxed . I made some baked potatoes for Jason and I , and we all just kicked back . Tomorrow Jason is hoping to be able to go shooting , and possibly get some tuning shoots in with his rifles ( tuning shoots are how I describe the shoots he takes to get his sights set up correctly ) . He 'll be going out with Anthony Netto . I would like to go , but I have a few things I want to get done at home . Thank you , for all the continued support . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I specifically got up early this morning , to be sure we would be at the symposium to see and speak with Congresswoman Davis , of the 53 district ( that 's the one we live in now ) . As it turned out , she was there and she was one of the first presenters . . . and I liked what she had to say about doing what we can to preserve the integrity of the military . The only problem was that as soon as the next speaker got up she got going . I saw her quickly exit the auditorium so I thought maybe she was headed to the bathroom , so it didn 't seem right that I 'd get up and stop her . I planned to catch her when she came back . . . she didn 't . She came in , spoke and left , and that was that . Next time I won 't be so considerate and I 'll chase after her . I wanted to speak with her , as well as get some contact information . We knew our Congressman , up in Livermore so I wanted to get to know the Representative down here . That 's okay though as the rest of the day was very good , and we still had a great time . Before the end of the day we were once again spot - lighted for some discussion , and that was totally unplanned . At the end of the talks there was a panel discussion , and I got involved with a couple of the panel members . When the panel discussion was over , and most of the people were leaving , two of the doctors sot us out and we continued our conversation about how to make the seating more comfortable , with a specific focus on Jason and his chair . Tomorrow we won 't be going to the full day , but do plan on showing up in the afternoon . We have a very dear friend speaking tomorrow , and we haven 't see her for several months ( last time was at Jason 's retirement ) . We will also probably not stay for the full afternoon session , as we have a few other things we want to get done , and it will be nice just to have some time for ourselves for a change . We left today at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and then had to get back home because we were going to be going to an EOD party that we had been invited to , over at Camp Pendleton . As it turned out we had nearly a half hour to just relax and kick back , but I guess the important thing was that we made it to the party with plenty of time to have a good time . The dinner was provided by the SemperFi organization , and the food was actually quite good . It was almost another Thanksgiving dinner . While we were eating I was asked if I would be interested in playing their Santa , for the kids . I have done things like this in the past , so I was comfortable with it , and said , " Yes . " Linda said there were about 30 kids there , with ages ranging from a couple of days ( two newborns ) up to 9 years . It was a good experience for me , and let me recall how it felt when I had done it in the past . They said I was to do it again next year , so I guess they liked me . The drive home was faster than the drive to the party , so we arrived at a better time . I am getting tired so I 'll be closing up now . Tomorrow I plan on getting up early again an going for a bike ride . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was a pretty exciting day for us , as we were given the opportunity to speak at a Medical Symposium at Balboa Naval Hospital . There were people from all over the country , and even a couple from out side the country . The focus on the three day symposium is care and treatment for the wounded and injured service members , and how to get them back on their way to productive lives . Almost a year ago we were asked if we would be interested in participating and speaking , and we said yes . Actually , the question went to Jason and I , and I kind of just included Linda . As it turned out we were given nearly an hour to speak and address the audience and it went well . I think we could have gone much longer , so we had to be very aware of the clock . Besides there were other speakers on the stage . The symposium also included Gary Sinise , and it was good to see him again . He made the comment to me that we were sure seeing each other quite a bit lately , and I had to agree with him . . . and that it was always great to see him . Linda and I had put together a small photo presentation of Jason , and it went well . I started out thinking I could do it with 10 to 12 pictures , then it went to 15 , and finally ended up with 23 . It was very difficult to limit the pictures , and we literally went through a thousand of them , or more . The way it worked was that while Linda and I were talking the pictures were being shown behind us , and we would simply talk about them . When we got to the end of the pictures it was like a signal to Jason and then he came out on stage . The affect was wonderful and he received a standing ovation . Jason did a great job of addressing the audience as well , and even though there was no rehearsal , it went off very smoothly . After speaking there was a break and we got to talk with some of the other special guests as well as some of the rest of the audience . Everybody said we did well and when Linda had to go to the rest room she said some of the ladies in there were crying because they were touched so much by what we had said . I was actually surprised that neither of us cried on stage , as we both usually get emotional when we start talking about it . We also let the folks from the VA ( there were several in attendance ) what challenges we had encountered with the VA , as well as some of the strong positives we had experienced . All together I 'd say it was probably a 8 . 5 out of a possible score of 10 , for us , and if they have another one next year I think I 'd like to go . Once we were done speaking , like I said , there was a break . At this point Gary went over to the hospital and visited the patients . He is consistently doing all he can to help the guys and as he says , he can never do enough , but he can always do more . We eventually were able to get to the van and head on back to the house . Jason had been up for several hours and he needed to get back down . We basically stayed at home the rest of the day and enjoyed the rest . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive The girls got up this morning and came up stairs to greet us , and to also jump up and down on us - we are so much fun ! When asked why they didn 't go in and spend the time with Daddy , they just replied that he was asleep still . I think next time we need to " act " like we 're asleep and maybe they 'll just quietly go back to their room . . . Nah , they would just decide that we needed to be awake and pounce on us anyway . After getting the girls to school we came back to the house and took care of a few things , including the return of the loaner van from Ability Center and checking on what steps need to be taken to be sure our blue van isn 't out too long . Actually , Terry , from the Ability Center has been staying in touch pretty well , and keeping us updated . We should have Jason 's van back by the end of this week . We 're happy about that because the Semper Fi van is also going away , and back to the Wounded Warrior Battalion - West , probably on Monday of next week , just as soon as our van arrives . Also , today , we went to the base , at Balboa , to talk about the Symposium , tomorrow . Looks like everything is in place and that we will need to be on site , tomorrow , at about 07 : 00 . We all go on stage and Linda and I have about 23 pictures ( photos ) that we will be sharing , as a part of the intro for Jason , as well as helpful in introducing Jason . There are supposed to be a bunch of people there , from all around the country and even the world . Amazingly , I 'm not nervous - maybe Linda is nervous enough for both of us . Stephanie and Crista , from the Gary Sinise Foundation are here , as they are also going to be a part of the symposium . We all went to dinner together and had a great time . They took us to a new restaurant callled the Fat Fish . The food was excellent and the conversation was even better . As it turned out we arrived ahead of the traditional dinner hour and that made it much easier for us to get in , ahead for all the people . Dinner was over and we came home ; Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We put up our tree today . . . not many decorations on it yet , but at least the tree is now up . The girls were very excited , at least until we told them that the decorations would go on later . Tomorrow we take them to school , and then the next five days they will be with their mom , so the decorations are going to have to wait until next Monday . Actually , that gives us some time to figure out what we want to put out this year . Funny to think that this is most probably going to be the last Christmas in this house - kind of a nice thought I think . Not much happening today , Jason just rested and we really didn 't go anywhere , except for one short trip to Target to pick up a couple of things . The really big news for today is that it actually rained , and it is still raining , and is supposed to rain through tomorrow . Pretty cool , if you ask me . We so much need that rain in California . I hope it does stop on Thursday , though . We have an event to go to , and no matter how you look at it , to get from the car to the auditorium we 're going to get wet , if it rains . I spent a little bit of time working on the presentation for Thursday , with Linda , and hope that it will be a reasonably good one . Mostly pictures of Jason , over the past 3 1 / 2 + years , showing how he looked before the injury and then after , and his recovery . Anyway , it should be a good show , and I hope everyone is happy with it . That 's about all I have for today . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today begins a busy week for us , though we are not going to have to travel anywhere , and we 're quite happy about that . On Thursday , December 4 , Jason , Linda and I are going to be speaking at a Medical symposium , about the care of wounded and their recovery . . . AND about the caregivers who frequently are in the background , doing so much and receiving so little recognition , beyond some close friends and family members . The next couple of days we , Linda and I , will be working on putting together our thoughts as well as some pictures of Jason 's recovery . We began , today , going through a bunch of the photos I 've taken , and Linda and I made some initial selections . The tough part about this is that we are probably only going to have about an hour , total time to talk and present , and Jason won 't be the only wounded vet there . He will be the most seriously wounded , and Linda and I will be the only caregivers , on stage . The audience is going to be made up of all sorts of people associated with the medical world with a focus on helping these people with their recoveries . We are both excited and intimidated about all of this , and nervous that we might blow the chance to present well . We represent all the other caregivers out there , and I know that some of them have really done a great deal for their Wounded Warrior . And that is what we will be focused on the rest of this week . . . along with all the other things we need to stay on top of , like the rest of the family . The girls got up and ready for school , and I walked them to their classes . Linda was still feeling the affects of eating something she shouldn 't have , and didn 't begin to feel better until around noon . When Stacy came home from school she had some home work she needed to get done , and Linda kicked into that mode of teacher she so very much enjoys . There was also a small craft project that Stacy had , and when they were done with it , it looked very good ( Linda helped but made Stacy do most of the work ) . While Linda was working with Stacy , Jackie was with Jason and the two of them were reading some books . Jackie really hasn 't learned to read too much yet , but she likes to try and if you can help her along she does a good job and is happy with herself . We 're supposed to be getting some rain over the next two days , so I won 't be getting out on my bike , though I don 't think I would have had time anyway . I 'm just glad to see rain as we really do need it , I just hope that there is a bunch up north , too . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
Well , another morning without the bike , so I went over to the gym , again , to get some calorie burn in . To be honest about it , it was raining out so I don 't think I would have gone out anyway . On top of the rain it was pretty cold , especially for this area . Only a few miles up the road ( up I - 5 ) they had some snow . It was on Camp Pendleton , and some of Jason 's friends sent him a couple pictures , along with posting it on FB . Funny part is that while I was on the treadmill , listening to the weather channel , they said that 2014 will go down in the record books as the warmest year on record . Just struck me funny that they would say that , right after talking about the snow . We made a few last preparations for this evening , and the girls even helped me clean the floors ( they helped by staying in their room while I swept and mopped ) . I kept working on sections of the floor and then would let the girls come and inspect and they could play there , while I went on to the next section . I got it all done pretty quickly , and the girls thought it was fun . Not much else was done today , except heading over to Costco to buy some gas and pick up a couple of things . While we were there I received a phone call from the bike shop and my bike was ready . When we were done at Costco we simply went over to the bike shop and picked up the bike . They put a new crank on and it really looks good , so I 'm planning to take it out for a spin tomorrow . Yeah , it is supposed to be a little on the cool side again , but now precipitation , so I 'll be okay . Later in the day I will be going out with the girls so they can ride their bikes a little more . I think it is a great way to start the new year . We planned on having a simple New Year 's evening with the girls and with that I just made some hamburgers for all of us , and we 'll just waited for the ball to drop signifying a new year . The girls took a good nap today for the purpose of staying up to see the new year in , so we 'll see how that goes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . . . And a Happy New Year to All ! We only have one more day left this year and in my humble opinion , it went way too fast . I remember last Christmas and thinking , wow a new year coming and now , here it is , nearly a year later and that year is just about gone . So much has come and gone and we 've had some ups and downs , with ups being way ahead - - - fortunately . I probably won 't be posting tomorrow , unless I happen to have some time that allows me to . We have already told the girls they can stay up until the end of the year ( midnight ) so I expect them to either be full of energy and excited or zonked out on the couch . Today began with me heading over to the gym . My bike is in the shop so I have to do something else to burn those calories . This holiday season is no different from others , and I have struggled to avoid a bunch of extra calories . I dropped about 20 lbs . coming into Thanksgiving , and now , at the end of the year I have put about five of those back on . Come January , and a repaired bike , I should be able to get back into a routine and drop those five and hopefully a few more off quickly . Linda is the one who has been the real trooper , and has not only lost a bunch of weight , but has also managed to keep those pounds off . I am so proud of her . Jason looks like he also dropped a few pounds and is looking healthier . His wounds are looking the best they have looked in a long time , and I am confident that he can get them fully closed over these next few months . There is still the challenge of finding him a seating solution that allows him to stay up in his chair , without putting undue pressure on those areas , and we have some very good folks working on just that . Tonight we went and saw The Hobbit , and really enjoyed it . They did a very good job of picking up just where they left off with the first part , last year . They also did a pretty good job of staying with the story , and I guess that 's why it was made into a two - part series . We had a baby sitter come over to stay with the girls , and that worked out very well . Stacy and Jackie were already familiar with Caroline , so they felt they were getting a special treat and had no problems with all of us leaving them at the house . Not sure what all is going to be going on tomorrow , since we 're having a bit of rain here . I was hoping to get the girls out on their bikes , but that may not happen now . I 'm sure there will be plenty of time for them to ride with the coming year , so we 'll just take whatever happens . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We 've decided to keep our Christmas decorations up at least until the end of the first week of January . We thought about starting to take them down , and then recognized that the girls both really enjoy them , and so we will keep them up as long as they are with us , and that gets us to the end of the first week . We should have them all packed up by the 8th or so , and then look forward to the next major holiday . . . Groundhog Day ! Today started with George and I going over to the bicycle shop and putting my bike in for some service and a tune up . As it turned out they suggested to have even more work than I thought was needed , but only because there is a part that is difficult to acquire ( center ring on the front crank ) . I told them to go ahead and replace the entire crank , and it is going to cost $ 20 more , but then I 'll have a new crank . I shouldn 't complain though , I thought the total cost would be about $ 150 and it looks like it will come in , less than that . We came back to the house and then we took George to the air port where he caught his flight back home . There were a couple of delays , and he took off about 30 minutes later than originally scheduled , but we know he arrived home safely , and that is the most important thing . Our friend Rick Edson picked him up and took him to his home , and now George will be able to get to work tomorrow . George is very dedicated to his job , and they love him for it . We had a couple more errands , and then I took everybody back home . The last was the trip to Costco and I ran that one on my own . Linda was back at the house taking care of a few other things , and it allowed the girls to stay home and play , like they wanted . What was really good today was that Jason was able to basically just stay in bed , again today , and allow the wounds to progress a bit more . I am very pleased at how they are progressing , and actually look forward to our next visit to Wound Care , so they can see how well he is doing . Tonight we had a roasted chicken and baked potato , with some carrots . It was kind of funny when the girls asked for dessert , because Jackie asked first and she wanted jelly beans ( Jelly Belly ) . As soon as Stacy saw that we were okay with it she jumped in and said she was wanting the same thing . Linda allowed them to each have just a couple , and they were very happy to have it . I found it amusing that they were happy with that type of dessert . Not much else going on other than we are looking to go see the Hobbit tomorrow . We have someone coming in to watch the girls , and then we 'll go to the movie . It is a very popular movie , so I am hoping that it won 't be too busy . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We got up this morning , and thought it was going to be a laid back , relaxed morning getting ready for church . The challenge to this was that last night I decided to go ahead and list the Explorer ( This is the truck that Jason gave me after he was injured . He was never going to be able to drive it again and it provided me with a vehicle , before Linda had come down ) for sale . I woke up to a text message , and then another and then phone calls , and before 08 : 00 I had spoken to five potential buyers and had made appointments with all of them , for this afternoon . As it was , I still had time to get it down to the car wash and back home again before church . We went to church and it was very nice and relaxing . We took George with us , to meet some of the folks there , and to show him we were involved with a new church community . After church we headed home and just as we arrived the phone started going again . This time it was the same five folks and me telling them that the first buyer was going to be buying the truck . I kind of felt guilty that I wasn 't able to let some of the other folks know sooner , and save them the trouble of driving up to a half an hour to get here , but it turned out as it did . The gentleman I sold it to , turned out to be a Marine , and that made me feel better , and he really seemed to know quite allot about vehicles and Fords in particular . He even brought some of his own test equipment and hooked up to find that the engine was in good shape and he was happy with the results . No haggling on the price , and in fact one of the other five offered to pay me a couple hundred more . I had already shook on the deal and the truck was sold for my asking price . The selling of the truck will help Linda and I with some upcoming expenses . The rest of the evening was spent taking care of some paper work and then George and I took the girls to the San Diego Zoo . They are having a special Zoo - Lights event for the rest of the year and we wanted to let the girls see it . We did something different this time , too . We just walked everywhere , and didn 't jump on a tour bus . The girls had a great time and we even visited an area we hadn 't been to since last year - and that was the snakes and lizards displays . The girls were totally fascinated with all that they saw and managed to do a great deal of walking . We stayed until the lights , and then a little while after , then went home . When we got home , it was easy to tell they were tired . Linda had dinner just about ready , and then we sat down and had dinner . The girls went to bed , and this was Linda 's turn to read them a story , and my guess is that they will sleep well tonight . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . It has been a very exciting and different kind of day . We were invited to go view a private screening of the movie , Unbroken , by Trident Realty Group and Home Bridge Financial . Both organizations are led by veterans and have a special place in their hearts for other veterans . Jason and I met Mike Chiesl , of Trident , a couple of years ago , and the property where Jason 's new home is being built was located by Tim Kirk , a member of Trident . Anyway , the theater was full and it was a very good movie . I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys historical stories , and doesn 't need to have lots of sci - fi special effects . The acting was excellent and the directing was much , much better than I expected . Angelina Jolie did an outstanding job , from my perspective . We got home at about 14 : 30 ( 2 : 30pm ) and the girls were asleep . This is probably a good thing as we had a couple of things to do , and time was needed to finish everything up . We could have gotten home a little sooner , but we wanted to drive by the property , where Jason 's house is being built , to show George just where it is , and what the property looks like . We hadn 't been there is several weeks , and one of the big changes was that the lot next to Jason 's is being worked on right now , so we 'll have neighbors , I think , when we move in . Well , actually there are some neighbors already , just this one is right next door and shares a property line . Not much else happened tonight , except that I fixed a nice dinner of salmon and rice . We had pumpkin pie for dessert , and I usually don 't eat dessert . Not sure what we 'll be doing tomorrow , other than going to church , so I might just take a little time to get the girls out on their bikes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Christmas Day was excellent , and very tiring . Linda and I stayed up late on Christmas Eve and then the girls got us up very early the next day . We would have liked to have been able to get a nap in there , but it just wasn 't to be . By the end of the day we were both very tired and went to bed a little on the early side ( about 21 : 30 , or 9 : 30pm ) . That is why there was no post yesterday . . . Gifts were exchanged and we had great fun watching the girls open their gifts , and despite our best efforts , there were still several gifts for the girls . We had agreed that the number of gifts this year was going to be kept at a minimum because there just isn 't much more room here , and we already have too much stuff to deal with . When we get in to the new home it will have more space and more importantly , it will have storage room . Anyway , the girls were all very excited about all their gifts and then Jason brought in ( he actually had me bring them in ) the big ones . He bought bicycles for the girls and they were very excited about it . And that actually brings us to today . This morning we had a big breakfast and then a quick visit by the young woman who will be watching the girls tomorrow , while we are out . We wanted to have her come by , so the girls could meet her and we could meet her and it all worked very well - but more on that later . Around 11 : 30 we all went over to the school 's parking lot and let the girls try out their new bikes . Stacy was a little nervous at first and then got used to it very quickly . Both bikes have training wheels and they are going to be needed for a little while . Jackie had a little difficulty with the peddles and after a few minutes of helping her to get them to go around with her feet on them she began to do a bunch more riding on her own . She still has to master the use of the breaks , and I think that will be done before the end of next week . Stacy wants to go for a ride with me , so I have something to look forward to . The rest of the day was spent with Linda taking care of some of the returns she needs to get done , and a few other tasks around the house , like taking care of the animals and cleaning Mr Jingles ' cage . Then tomorrow we will be going out to a " private " screening of Unbroken , the movie about Louis Zamperini , and his life . This is why we need the help of the young woman who will be taking care of them while we 're gone . Jason and I had the opportunity to see Mr . Zamperini a couple of years ago , and would have loved to have gotten to know him , but that wasn 't to be . Tonight , Linda , George ( as a reminder , our son George came down for a visit ) and I watched a movie that George received for Christmas - The Guardians of The Galaxy " . It was the first time for both George and Linda , and I enjoyed it when I saw it - just a funny and silly movie from Marvel Comics . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . It was the night before Christmas , when all through the house , not a creature was stirring , not even a mouse . . . okay , maybe a few creatures were stirring , but somebody had to get the last of the preparations done . The girls didn 't get to bed until after 21 : 00 ( 9pm ) , and that is late for them . I guess we could have pushed and gotten them to go to bed earlier , but that just didn 't feel right tonight . Linda is still running around taking care of the last little things , just like when Jason was back at home with his brothers . She is happy and feeling like this is the way it is supposed to be - normal , if you will . I actually began the day with a quick 15 mile ride ( only took an hour ) , and Linda was getting some early morning exercise in as well . Because George is here , the girls have another adult to go to with questions , and both Stacy and Jackie think their Uncle George is great fun . This also gives us a little bit of a chance to take care of some last minute stuff , without worrying about hiding stuff from the girls . We had a very nice dinner , that was relaxed and loaded with all kinds of conversation . Later in the evening I helped the girls create their cards for Daddy , and both of them did an outstanding job . I really didn 't have to do much to help Stacy , she is developing so well . Tomorrow should be a fun day , filled with all kinds of things , and I probably won 't be putting a post out tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was a very busy day , and if you manage to ignore all the traffic , it was a very pleasurable day . We had one appointment today , with the VA , and also a need to get over to the DMV so Jason could get the permanent plates for his truck . The previous time we were at the DMV ( Department of Motor Vehicles ) one of the clerks told Jason that he would have to come back in with the plates and exchange them for the Purple Heart Plates . We said , " Okay . " Then went home to wait . The original plates finally showed up and Jason took them in to exchange them , only that didn 't happen . This time we spoke with another woman working the window and and she said the Purple Heart plates should have been ordered with the last attempt to get them . Bottom line is that Jason should finally get his license plates around the end of February . Out oldest son George , flew in today , from Livermore . A big hug to our friend Chris who drove George to the airport and walked him to the gate of departure . George has special needs and requires assistance when traveling alone . He will be staying with us for a week and then he 'll be headed back home . George was pretty excited that Jason let him sleep on the cot that Jason used in Afghanistan . We are happy that he wanted to spend Christmas with us , it 's been about a year since I saw George . Linda was able to see him this past summer after she attended the Blue Star Mother 's Convention in San Francisco . Stacy and Jackie love when their uncles come to visit . It would be exceptionally wonderful to have all four of our son 's with us for Christmas ; maybe another year . I 'll do my best to get some pictures posted , from the visit . As you can imagine the girls are counting the days until Christmas . Tonight at dinner Jackie told me that I was Santa ( I guess I look a little like the guy ) and Stacy said that I wasn 't because my beard is too short , I love being a Grandpa . I think I 'll bake some cookies tomorrow while Linda finishes up wrapping some presents . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Please take care and stay positive . The day started early for Linda and I , today . She got up to take care of some personal things and I was up so that I could get in an early and fast bike ride . It was only 15 miles , and I did it in just over an hour . It was probably one of the best I have had along the harbor , and that was because there were few pedestrians around . I was able to get up a nice cruse going and didn 't have that many people to dodge and slow me down . When I got back the girls were both up and having fun with Jason . Linda was in the kitchen getting their breakfast ready . I sat down to cool off a bit and then a short while later Linda took off for most of the day . She had a bunch of things she wanted to get done before George came for his visit tomorrow , so that we could spend the time with him . I also had a few things I needed to get done , and I also had promised to take the girls to the park . There is a small local park that they enjoy going to , and it is within walking distance of the house . When we arrived there was another gentleman there with his two grand sons . He and I sat on a bench and watched the kids running and playing . It was nice just sitting back and talking with him , while also monitoring the girls . We stayed for about an hour or so and then came back to the house . Actually , about that time was now lunch , so I fixed a nice and easy lunch for the girls and after that they wanted to lay down and rest . This worked for me , as I needed to run over to the Wounded Warrior Project to pick up a Christmas dinner they were offering to the alumni , and we are a part of that . It looks pretty good , and we 'll probably actually have it on Christmas , so that we don 't have to do too much to prepare dinner . The rest of the day was just getting the last couple of things done and taking care of some of the stuff around the house . Dinner tonight was fish sticks , and everybody was happy about that . After dinner we watched a couple of old Christmas movies , one with the girls before they went to bed , and then Linda and I watched another one after they went to bed . With the second one we fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up I said I think its time for bed . Thanks , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today is the first day of winter , and it really showed down here . I actually got the light jacket out of the closet and carried it with us tonight ( didn 't put it on , but I had it just in case ) . We went out for a nice dinner with another couple tonight , and it was very enjoyable . They took us to a Mexican Sea Food restaurant and the food was excellent . Afterward we went to another place and had dessert , which was also very good . Needless to say , I need to get some exercise in tomorrow to " pay " for all this - I must have gained 5 lbs . But I 'm getting ahead of myself . This morning we got up and decided we really needed to finish all the Christmas cards , and we did . The challenge was that today is Sunday and the Post Office is closed , or at least that was what I thought . It was still early , almost 08 : 00 and I decided to go for a ride . On my way out I rode over to the local post office and they have a notice on the door that said they were going to be open today , after 10 : 00 for four hours . I immediately stopped and got on the phone and called Linda to let her know that we could still get the cards to the post office TODAY ! I got my 21 miles in and felt pretty good , when I got back home . Jumped in the shower and the two of us were off to mail the letters . The oops I made was that I didn 't see that our local office was still closed and we needed to go to another one . We stopped to get some gas at Costco ( gas is continuing to go down , and that is a good thing ) and then headed out to the next closest office . We arrived at El Cajon post office and there was just one other person in line . We basically walked up and another clerk came up to the counter and we were served . He was extremely helpful and since we had 90 Christmas cards , that all had to be checked individually , with one of the also being international , we needed the extra attention . As it turned out most of the cards needed an additional $ . 42 of postage ( they were slightly over weight and they all had a special handling because of size ) , and he came up with the easiest solution for stamps . We got the cards mailed and we felt pretty good , since this was the first time we had sent out cards in almost five years . When we got back home we realized that we had forgotten a few so we 'll end up getting those out tomorrow , and they 'll probably be a little late in arriving . Once we were done with that we decided to head back home and get things ready so we could get out tonight ( the dinner I talked about , above ) . We needed to make sure Jason was taken care of and he had a dinner ready for him . I did a dressing change and the wounds are looking better again , and that makes me hopeful for the rest of the year . We went to dinner and had a very enjoyable time and came back home , with some time to spare . The girls were coming over at 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) , or so we thought to stay with us a night early . They showed up about an hour later and we were all happy to be together again . They had been fed , bathed and were ready for bed , and this was excellent . I read them a nice bed time story and Linda and I put them to bed . Jason had fallen asleep by the time they came , so he 'll have to wait until morning to see them . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , we didn 't finish the Christmas Cards , like we wanted to . Tomorrow is Sunday so we 'll just have to wait until Monday to get them in the mail . That means some of them ( most of them ? ) won 't make to their destinations before Christmas . May be that 's a good thing , as people will still be receiving some mail after Christmas . . . ; - ) Linda was up early this morning , and that 's after staying up late last night , working on the cards . I had pretty well done most of what I needed to get done , and because Linda wants to be sure they all get done the way they should be , she is doing them . Guys , and I 'm one of them , have a tendency to want to just get it done , and women , Linda in this case , want to be sure everything is done correctly . The mistake we made was not getting started on them soon enough . Next year should be better . I did get a short bike ride in today - Linda needed a paper cutter ( her 's broke ) so I rode down on my bike to buy one . I got it back to the house and then decided to ride out to Costco to pick up a couple of things that would simply fit in my back pack , also for Linda . Apparently , when I made the first of the two trips I must have run over a small piece of steel , because I noticed the rear tire being a little low when I was getting ready to take off for the second trip . I didn 't think much about it , as the tires tend to loose a little air over time anyway . By the time I had another 8 miles down the tire was flat , so I stopped to put more air into it and then another 1 / 2 mile and it was flat again . I ended up calling home and Jason came to pick me up in the truck . I did make it to Costco though , and I did pick up the items for Linda . The rest of the day was spent finishing the cards and basically staying at home . Tomorrow we will be relaxing a bit and Linda and I are being taken out to dinner by a couple of friends of ours . I 'd let you know where we 're going , except I don 't know ; just that it is a nice restaurant . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was really a fun day for Jason , Linda and I ( girls are with their mother ) . We went up to speak with the builders of his future home , and we discussed interior issues , as well as some structural ones . Effectively , the house is designed . It is a matter of getting all the permits done and some of the minor other issues done and lined up . The house is being built to make life easier for Jason , and with the idea that the house is more than just a house , it is his HOME . It is a place where he will be able to do all the things anyone else can do in a house , and he will know he is safe . We are so excited about what is happening , and Linda and I are so very happy to be a part of this . For those of you who are able to find me on Face Book you will see a new video that was recently released by the Gary Sinise Foundation , and it explains the house better than I ever could . Please take a moment and view the video . The trip up to the meeting took us about an hour , and that was because we ( I ) got lost ( I was driving ) , so it wasn 't too bad . We spent another 2 1 / 2 hours talking with the team and then we headed back home . Traffic was building up some now , and it still took about an hour to get home . This means that Jason was up in his chair for about 5 hours total , with a couple of those hours being bounced around a bit . That bouncing is what I get concerned about the most . Actually , I found out later from Linda , that the freeway we came back on was now nearly solid bumper - to - bumper and moving very slowly . Linda was out at Target and came right back when she was done . We had lunch and then Jason went to sleep , and that was good . Linda and I also decided to take care of some of our other important tasks , and that happens to be the need to get the Christmas Cards out . They will be in the mail , in the morning . . . . Hurray ! We ended up sending out nearly 100 cards , and basically stopped at that point . We 've compiled as many addresses as we could ; Linda had packed our address book and we haven 't been able to locate it within the boxes in storage . We sincerely apologize if you were looking for a card from us , and we didn 't get to it . We wish you a very Happy and Merry Christmas , as well as a Happy New Year . The rest of this evening is going to be spent just relaxing and getting ready for the weekend . Thank you , for the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Jason and I went to Balboa this morning and he had two appointments . His first appointment was with Wound Care and it was an early one - about 08 : 50 ( usually we 're going in at almost 11 : 00 ) . They were very pleased with how both wound areas are looking and so am I . We will continue to minimize the amount of time he spends in his chair , and thus give it more opportunity to heal . After the Wound Care Jason had an appointment with the folks at Physical Therapy . I told Jason that I would be getting a hair cut while he was at that appointment , and I would meet him there . As it turned out there was no waiting at the barber so I was in and out a little faster than usual , and that was a good thing . That gave me a chance to go over to the ASYMCA ( Armed Services YMCA ) and go say , " Hi ! " to a couple of the folks there , and also wish them a Merry Christmas . I then walked over to where Jason was and he was getting close to being done . Jason also brought along Christmas cards and was handing them out to people , and while we were at Balboa ( Linda and I need to finish up our cards tomorrow ) . Finally we went over to Bldg 26 and Jason had to take care of a couple things with the VA , and then we went back home . The next thing was that I was needing to get up to Oceanside for a Caregiver meeting . Linda and I drove up and found out that the meeting , again , was cancelled . We weren 't the only caregivers to be there and there were a number of the VA people a little embarrassed that we were there . It really wouldn 't have bothered me so much except that the drive up was almost an hour , and now we had to turn around and go back home . I guess with all the stuff going on this week we needed a little extra rest so we just laid down to take a nap . We got up from the nap and decided we wanted to go to a late showing of Exodus . We fixed dinner and cleaned up and then the three of us went to the 21 : 00 ( 9 : 00pm ) showing of the movie . It was a pretty good movie , but the movie The Ten Commandments I felt was much better and told a better story . Besides , the newer one left a few things out that I felt were important . I 'm not going to say what they were as you might want to go see it , and I don 't want to spoil it for you . Bottom line it was a different slant on the story , and basically it was the same . We came back home after midnight and we 're now getting ready to go to bed . We have to get up early tomorrow as we have a meeting about the house , and want to be on time , if we can . I 'll go over this more tomorrow , or should I say later today . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Monday ended with everyone getting to bed at a reasonable hour , and I had expectations of sleeping very soundly through the night . At about 01 : 10 I received a call from Jason , who was up with Stacy . She was having some very tough pains in her lower abdomen and we soon decided that we needed to get her to the ER , at Balboa . We arrived there at about 01 : 40 , and by 02 : 00 ( I happened to look at a clock ) a nurse was working with Stacy , in the ER . They diagnosed that it was severe constipation and after taking some X - rays decided that they were correct . I was worried it was an appendix problem , and I was very glad when I found out I was wrong . They also ran some cultures and found out that she had a urinary infection ( UTI ) . Total time at the ER was just about 3 1 / 2 hours , and though it was now almost time to be getting up , I felt like it wasn 't a long stay . We left with the antibiotics and went straight home . Fortunately , Linda was able to get back to sleep with Jackie , at least for a couple of hours . I didn 't wake either of them until it was time for Jackie to start getting ready for school ( we decided Stacy should just stay home and rest ) . Since Linda also had an early appointment to get to I let her know I could take Jackie to school , and I would let them know what was going on with Stacy . We actually thought that for the most part , everything should settle down now . But it didn 't - Stacy had an appointment with her doctor ( it had already been scheduled previously ) , and it is important to know this , for the next issue . She was up a couple hours later and still complaining of stomach / abdominal issues . Because of the rain , and the time of the appointment , it was decided that I would take Stacy to see her doctor , and let them know about the ER visit earlier in the day . When we arrived the exam led them to believe , again , it might be an appendix issue . In order to have the right tests Stacy was going to have to go to the ER at Rady Hospital , and so began our next ER visit on Tuesday . This visit proved to be a bit more painful for Stacy , as they had to draw blood this time , and she really does hate needles , and tests were run . The final outcome was , again determined that she was very constipated and backed up , and needed an enema . Of course this took several hours to figure out and , in their defense , there were multiple labs to be done , and all these take time . Their first blood test was some how messed up and they had to come get more blood , which Stacy really didn 't want to happen . Finally , everything done , the enema was given and a short while later Stacy was cleared and she felt much better , immediately . Stacy was back in her own bed at about 23 : 30 ( 11 : 30pm ) . Needless to say , we were both tired , and I was out . This morning rolled around and at 05 : 20 I am up again , and I need to help Anthony get to the airport , to catch a flight . Not sure why I wake up like that , but when I know I need to be up at a certain hour I tend to wake up very close to the hour , without using an alarm clock . When I was done with that I was back in bed at about 06 : 10 , and trying to get some rest when Jackie came up and wanted to get in bed with Grandma , where I also happened to be . She was very happy and full of energy so we got up and did our regular routine of getting her ready for school . Before we went to school Stacy came out and also stated she wanted to go to school - the Christmas show was set for tonight and she wanted to be a part of it . Jackie was ready to go so I took her and came back and then took Stacy . The rest of the day was pretty relaxed , and I even got in a short bike ride . This was quite nice considering that it was raining when I took Anthony to the airport . Jason had a couple of appointments , so he took off , with Gracie , and Linda and I stayed at home . We took care of a couple of little chores and things around the house , and then I took a little nap . While napping Linda was able to get out and do a little shopping . The evening came and we all got ready to head over to the Christmas program , where both girls were going to be singing . It was a nice program and very enjoyable . It didn 't take too long and it is always fun to sit back and watch the children stand up , so proud of themselves , and listen to them sign . Even better is watching the parents when their kids are singing as they all get up as close to the front as they can , so they can get that one better picture . For the most part they attempt to be courteous but some of them really don 't seem to realize just how silly they look . It was a nice program and we were glad we went . The girls went out with their mother this time , and we came back to the house . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , we had a great weekend and made the most of the relaxing time . The weather improved from the rain storm we had - and we really do need the rain , so I am hoping we get some more . We made a little progress with our Christmas Cards , and who knows , we may be able to actually get them out this year , before Christmas ( I was hoping to have it done by today , actually ) . On Saturday I got in a nice 25 - mile ride , and then on Sunday to switched to a faster pace and put in 15 miles , so I 'd be back home in time to go to church . Now all I have to do is be able to get in 30 miles at the 15 mile pace , and I 'll be ready for the longer rides . . . ; - ) Also on Sunday we went over to our friend 's home , Anthony and Angelica , and enjoyed a nice relaxing time with them . We made it back to the house about 19 : 00 ( 7pm ) and within a pretty short amount of time had the girls bathed and in bed . All quiet at the house by 20 : 30 ( 8 : 30pm ) and shortly thereafter we were ready for bed ourselves . Sofia , from Serving Spoons , had left a very nice dinner for us , and it was waiting , hidden , when we got home . We had actually communicated with Sofia the day before so we kind of knew where to look . Today began a little on the rough side . Both Stacy and Jackie had gotten us up a couple of times , through the night , and as we result we 're both kind of worn down tonight . Perhaps we 'll be able to get to bed early and be able to get the full 8 - hours in . Anyway , we were up at about the same time as we usually do , and we were able to get the girls to school with a few minutes to spare . Afterward , Linda had a couple of errands to run ; Jason had a few errands to run ; and , I had a couple of things I wanted to get done . I think the extra errands is a direct result of the holidays that are upon us right now . Linda went one way and I went with Jason , to help him out with some of his Christmas shopping . After we returned to the house I went back out , on my own , to take care of the two little errands I wanted to get done . Tonight we ate the Serving Spoons dinner , and it was excellent , as always , and the funny thing is , is that she is looking for another family or two , in this area , to help in the same way . I need to connect with another family that would appreciate this gift . I also made some Toll House cookies , with the girls . It is the first time that they have made cookies with me , and both of them had a great time . The cookies came out very nice , only I didn 't make my usual double batch . I told Jason I was anxious to get into the new kitchen of his new house , so I could make more and possibly get some other baking and other cooking done . The rest of the evening was getting the girls to bed and Jason 's dressing changes in , and then that was it . The really good news is that once again , Jason 's wounds are looking pretty good , and we might see some significant improvement before the end of the year . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I felt kind of special today . . . It actually rained most of the day here , and at times it actually rained kind of hard . Most of the time it wasn 't very hard at all , though . Unfortunately it doesn 't look like it will rain tomorrow , but that 's okay , we have some things to do and the rain would make some of them a little more difficult . We took the girls to school today , and we still walked , and they got to wear their rubber rain boots . They were pretty excited to do that . What I found out later was that the school administrators truly considered closing the school down today , just because of the rain . " There is a concern for the standing water caused by poor drainage . " I just kind of felt numb when I heard that . Now I know the folks in So . Cal have a slanted view of the world and reality , but come on , a little rain and you shut down the school ? Fortunately , there are enough people around that over road that line of thinking . No problems with the van today , as we did take it out for a short spin , and went over to Balboa . There was a Christmas luncheon today , put on by the ASYMCA ( Armed Services YMCA ) , and the kids who registered received some gifts , along with the lunch . Stacy and Jackie both got to pick out a little something and were very happy with what they got ( Stacy a very nice Barbie Doll and Jackie wanted a Play Dough set ) . I 'll post a few photos of the event , like Jason with Santa , tomorrow . A little later in the day we took them to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese . It was one of the girls in Stacy 's Kindergarten class . We got there at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and left at around 19 : 30 ( 7 : 30pm ) . Tomorrow we hope to have a nice relaxed day , and should be able to stay dry . Thank you for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out with Linda and I still getting up before 07 : 00 and looking at all the different little chores / tasks we wanted to get accomplished . One of those was for me to get a 25 + mile ride in , and I did it with some morning left over to spare . I was really kind of surprised that when I got back home I felt pretty good , and I figure it was all related to my diet . Prior to the ride I ate an apple and a yogurt , and then on the turn around , to come back home I stopped and had a banana and a small packet of honey . I think the honey was the most important thing for energy . I 'm going to continue working like that and work myself up to even longer rides . Linda went off with a friend of hers , to go look at thrift stores and do a little shopping . It was one of those girls days out , kind of things . I guess it had the effect needed because she came back with only a few things purchased , and she was in a great mood . You might wonder where was Jason in all this , well he was relaxing in his room playing his video games , and that was okay by us . Of course he did do other things , and took care of a few on line needs and communications , but most importantly he didn 't put any stress on the wounds . One thing that happened today , and it was kind of expected , was that the van has returned ! They got it fixed and made a minor change in the dash board ( the average person would not even notice the difference ) , and now it works again . The problem was a blown fuse . Tonight we went out to visit with the cats , as we hadn 't seen them in a few weeks . It was fun and we even had the girls with us . Where the cats are staying , there are a few dogs in the house as well , and they all seem to get along okay . The girls were initially interested in seeing the cats , but as soon as they saw the dogs the cats were almost forgotten . The dogs are cute and small , so it is the perfect size for them to play with , and they did . Jackie didn 't want to come home ! Anyway , that was pretty much the day , and it was a nice relaxing day . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was another of those days when things just go right . It began with Jason having to get ready to go to PT , at Balboa , and at the same time I took the SemperFi van back to the Wounded Warrior Battalion . The SemperFi van was great having , since we really did need it , just to get around , and now another family will be using it . We made sure it was clean and had a full tank of gas . I also spoke with Terry , from the Ability Center and found out that our Ford van should be ready tomorrow , and that they did find out what was going on with the shifter being stuck in park all the time . Apparently there was a blown fuse and when it was replaced , everything thing worked again . I know , it makes you wonder why it too so long to figure out it was a blown fuse , but I don 't care at this point , I 'm just glad that it should be back tomorrow . Because it was a " should be " we still went ahead and took the loaner van . . . just in case . Linda and I took the girls to school and then we had a bunch of other little things to get done . The one BIG thing we needed to get done was our trip to Costco , so when Jason and I got back from the morning appointments Linda and I went to Costco . We managed to only buy a couple of things that weren 't on the list , and got out relatively inexpensively . . . One of the other things we did , while by the Costco was to go to Ikea ( the two stores sit very close to each other ) . Neither of us had ever been in an Ikea , so it was a learning experience for both of us . To be honest , we were not impressed all that much . I did like that they offer an area to watch the children ( you have to pay for it ) , and there is a food court like area , in the store . There were a couple of things that we thought were nice , but over all I would have to say it is kind of low on our list for places to shop . The rest of the evening was relaxed , and Jason even fell asleep kind of early . Linda and I had a nice dinner ( Jason ate later ) , and then we watched the movie , The Giver with Jeff Bridges , right after I finished my blog - which I 'm doing right now . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another good day to relax , and Jason did just that . He didn 't get up any more than he absolutely needed to , and that is very helpful to his healing effort . When I did the dressing change there was a noticeable improvement of the wound areas , and I am hopeful that it will continue . And , since there really wasn 't much else to go on about for today , I will let you know that I got another bike ride in , and had another 22 + mile ride . It was very enjoyable and I am determined to work my way up to 30 + miles with each ride . . . I 'll let you know how that works . . . ; - ) We did get some decorations up on the tree and in the house yesterday , and I am posting a couple of pictures today , to go with it . On top of that we have a couple of decorations out in front , and it does help to make it feel more like a Christmas time of year . I really do enjoy San Diego , but it just needs to have a little more seasonal type weather . This constant Spring / Early Summer is starting to get to me . Even when we were in Livermore there were come days when it was cold , as well as hot . I guess it made you appreciate the moderate temperatures more . When we move to Jason 's new house next year I am hopeful that the weather will be more like Livermore . Jason has a couple of appointments tomorrow , and I will be turning the Semper Fi van back in . It has been a wonderful gift , as it allowed us to get around as a family unit . We will still have a van to use , and not to worry about us getting around , its just that the Semper Fi van was nearly brand new when we were loaned the vehicle , and that was almost 3 years ago . If you 're looking for a place to send your donation dollars , the Semper Fi Foundation or The Gary Sinise Foundation are very high on my list . There are others , Stand Up And Play , EOD Warriro Foundation , and others that can also be seen as very helpful , so please consider these when the time comes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Kind of a fun day today . The morning started out with us getting up at around 07 : 00 and me getting ready for a bike ride . Jason didn 't have any appointments for himself , just for Gracie . Linda was up and taking care of some things she wanted to get done , and it was one of those feel good days where none of us had any immediate pressing issues . I got in about 21 . 5 miles , so that 's two days of 20 + rides . Tomorrow I might go for another one , but it all depends on how things work out . Jason had to get Gracie over to the veterinarian , and have some dental work done . Apparently she had to have a tooth pulled , as well as some other dental work done . The tooth being pulled was the major issue , and apparently it was a tooth that had been bad for some time , just never caught before . The roots were pretty much non - existent and it was simply being held in place by the gums and some pressure from the other teeth next to it . It wasn 't infected or any other problem with it , just that it might have become a real problem , so it was pulled . The girls are with us for the next couple of days , and when they came Linda had some decorating fun ready for them . The tree is up and I have all the lights working , so now it is up to the three of them to finish with the rest of the decorating . Linda let the girls hang all the ornaments , and the tree sits up on a table , so it is effectively about 6 . 5 feet high at the top . Stacy figured out to get the stool , so she could reach higher , yet still not high enough to make it to the top . All the ornaments sit in a 3 - foot band around the tree and it looks wonderful . When they finally get everything done I 'll post a picture of the master piece . I just about got our Christmas letter finished , so we 'll probably be sending out our cards in the next few days . They might even reach everyone before Christmas this year . Over the past few years we just weren 't able to get cards out , so it is important to us to get it done this year . Otherwise , we didn 't do much today , except take care of a couple of errands and get the paramobile down out of Jason 's truck and back into the garage ( we 're expecting rain soon ) . The other thing to update everyone on is the van , and the lift mechanism . The folks at Ability Center have had the van for about a week now and have been working with Ford ( one of the dealers - not sure which one ) and no one can seem to figure out what has gone wrong with the Interlock System - the van 's transmission still won 't come out of park . When I spoke with them today they said they have done everything they can , including setting a new programmed module for the interlock and it still won 't work . The van is going back to Ford and we 're hoping that whatever is hung up can get fixed . I 'd like to have the van back . It was nice having a larger vehicle to carry everyone comfortably . I 'll keep you updated as I learn more , so for now . . . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I hope everyone took a moment to remember the heroes of the Pearl Harbor attack , that happened 73 years ago , today . Just 14 years ago , Linda and I were in Pearl Harbor , for our 25th wedding anniversary . There was a brief discussion about it , at Church today , and it is something that I hope continues to be remembered , lest we allow ourselves to become complacent and are attacked again . Today began with Linda and I going to church , and Jason going off with his friends , to go shooting . It is probably the one activity that he can do , without putting a great deal of dependence on others . After church we came back to the house and we had lunch . Linda took care of a little cleaning and then took off to get some thrift store shopping in ( she loves thrift stores ) , along with some of the other local businesses . She came back with a couple of decorations , so we won 't have to go through our storage to find the Christmas decorations . She was gone for nearly three hours , and came back just a short time after Jason came back . Yes , that means I was at the house , all by myself for almost three full hours . It seemed kind of strange and quiet , and nice . We 've begun decorating the house , and that includes a wreath that Linda purchased at Church today . The Boy Scouts were selling them , and you know what kind of a softy she is , when it comes to the Boy Scouts . It is now hanging on the front door . Not much else happened , we hope that the holiday season is a great one for you . Take care and stay positive . I got up this morning , at about 06 : 30 . It was a little on the early side , considering it is a weekend , but I wanted to get out and ride my bike , since I hadn 't done so in several days . I put in 20 + miles and felt pretty good about it . When I made it back to the house Linda was also up and just beginning to get ready to head over to the C . A . R . E . Symposium at Balboa . Today was the last day of the event and we planned on going in later than the previous two days . Jason said he wanted to go in as well , since CMDR Laura Ledyard ( ret . U . S . Navy ) would be speaking . Laura was our Care Coordinator when we first arrived at Balboa , and if there was anyone we could go to , to get things done , it was Laura . If you have been a regular reader of the blog you will know that she has been mentioned a few times in the past , in ways that she has helped us . Anyway , she was speaking today , along with a few other people we know from Balboa . Funny part is that they all used us , and especially Jason , as references in their various talks , to describe the best way to do things . At the end of the symposium there was another panel discussion , and Linda got involved , or maybe I should say , pulled in to the panel . Jason and I had left after the final speaker , so he could get back to the house and lay down , and Linda stayed . I don 't think she intended to get that involved with the discussion , it was more like they pulled her in . People in the audience would ask questions that were almost directly related to Jason 's and our story , so Linda was the best source of information . Once we were all back at the house , and Jason was comfortable , Linda and I went to Costco to pick up a few things . How come , when you go to Costco to only pick up a few things , you still end up spending almost $ 200 , before getting out of the door ? There were all kinds of people there and it was pretty crowded . . . that is until you got up to the registers . Most of them were going , yet only had a few customers at each one . They were getting them out the door as fast as possible , and that made it a better experience , I guess . The rest of the evening was relaxed . I made some baked potatoes for Jason and I , and we all just kicked back . Tomorrow Jason is hoping to be able to go shooting , and possibly get some tuning shoots in with his rifles ( tuning shoots are how I describe the shoots he takes to get his sights set up correctly ) . He 'll be going out with Anthony Netto . I would like to go , but I have a few things I want to get done at home . Thank you , for all the continued support . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I specifically got up early this morning , to be sure we would be at the symposium to see and speak with Congresswoman Davis , of the 53 district ( that 's the one we live in now ) . As it turned out , she was there and she was one of the first presenters . . . and I liked what she had to say about doing what we can to preserve the integrity of the military . The only problem was that as soon as the next speaker got up she got going . I saw her quickly exit the auditorium so I thought maybe she was headed to the bathroom , so it didn 't seem right that I 'd get up and stop her . I planned to catch her when she came back . . . she didn 't . She came in , spoke and left , and that was that . Next time I won 't be so considerate and I 'll chase after her . I wanted to speak with her , as well as get some contact information . We knew our Congressman , up in Livermore so I wanted to get to know the Representative down here . That 's okay though as the rest of the day was very good , and we still had a great time . Before the end of the day we were once again spot - lighted for some discussion , and that was totally unplanned . At the end of the talks there was a panel discussion , and I got involved with a couple of the panel members . When the panel discussion was over , and most of the people were leaving , two of the doctors sot us out and we continued our conversation about how to make the seating more comfortable , with a specific focus on Jason and his chair . Tomorrow we won 't be going to the full day , but do plan on showing up in the afternoon . We have a very dear friend speaking tomorrow , and we haven 't see her for several months ( last time was at Jason 's retirement ) . We will also probably not stay for the full afternoon session , as we have a few other things we want to get done , and it will be nice just to have some time for ourselves for a change . We left today at about 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) and then had to get back home because we were going to be going to an EOD party that we had been invited to , over at Camp Pendleton . As it turned out we had nearly a half hour to just relax and kick back , but I guess the important thing was that we made it to the party with plenty of time to have a good time . The dinner was provided by the SemperFi organization , and the food was actually quite good . It was almost another Thanksgiving dinner . While we were eating I was asked if I would be interested in playing their Santa , for the kids . I have done things like this in the past , so I was comfortable with it , and said , " Yes . " Linda said there were about 30 kids there , with ages ranging from a couple of days ( two newborns ) up to 9 years . It was a good experience for me , and let me recall how it felt when I had done it in the past . They said I was to do it again next year , so I guess they liked me . The drive home was faster than the drive to the party , so we arrived at a better time . I am getting tired so I 'll be closing up now . Tomorrow I plan on getting up early again an going for a bike ride . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was a pretty exciting day for us , as we were given the opportunity to speak at a Medical Symposium at Balboa Naval Hospital . There were people from all over the country , and even a couple from out side the country . The focus on the three day symposium is care and treatment for the wounded and injured service members , and how to get them back on their way to productive lives . Almost a year ago we were asked if we would be interested in participating and speaking , and we said yes . Actually , the question went to Jason and I , and I kind of just included Linda . As it turned out we were given nearly an hour to speak and address the audience and it went well . I think we could have gone much longer , so we had to be very aware of the clock . Besides there were other speakers on the stage . The symposium also included Gary Sinise , and it was good to see him again . He made the comment to me that we were sure seeing each other quite a bit lately , and I had to agree with him . . . and that it was always great to see him . Linda and I had put together a small photo presentation of Jason , and it went well . I started out thinking I could do it with 10 to 12 pictures , then it went to 15 , and finally ended up with 23 . It was very difficult to limit the pictures , and we literally went through a thousand of them , or more . The way it worked was that while Linda and I were talking the pictures were being shown behind us , and we would simply talk about them . When we got to the end of the pictures it was like a signal to Jason and then he came out on stage . The affect was wonderful and he received a standing ovation . Jason did a great job of addressing the audience as well , and even though there was no rehearsal , it went off very smoothly . After speaking there was a break and we got to talk with some of the other special guests as well as some of the rest of the audience . Everybody said we did well and when Linda had to go to the rest room she said some of the ladies in there were crying because they were touched so much by what we had said . I was actually surprised that neither of us cried on stage , as we both usually get emotional when we start talking about it . We also let the folks from the VA ( there were several in attendance ) what challenges we had encountered with the VA , as well as some of the strong positives we had experienced . All together I 'd say it was probably a 8 . 5 out of a possible score of 10 , for us , and if they have another one next year I think I 'd like to go . Once we were done speaking , like I said , there was a break . At this point Gary went over to the hospital and visited the patients . He is consistently doing all he can to help the guys and as he says , he can never do enough , but he can always do more . We eventually were able to get to the van and head on back to the house . Jason had been up for several hours and he needed to get back down . We basically stayed at home the rest of the day and enjoyed the rest . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive The girls got up this morning and came up stairs to greet us , and to also jump up and down on us - we are so much fun ! When asked why they didn 't go in and spend the time with Daddy , they just replied that he was asleep still . I think next time we need to " act " like we 're asleep and maybe they 'll just quietly go back to their room . . . Nah , they would just decide that we needed to be awake and pounce on us anyway . After getting the girls to school we came back to the house and took care of a few things , including the return of the loaner van from Ability Center and checking on what steps need to be taken to be sure our blue van isn 't out too long . Actually , Terry , from the Ability Center has been staying in touch pretty well , and keeping us updated . We should have Jason 's van back by the end of this week . We 're happy about that because the Semper Fi van is also going away , and back to the Wounded Warrior Battalion - West , probably on Monday of next week , just as soon as our van arrives . Also , today , we went to the base , at Balboa , to talk about the Symposium , tomorrow . Looks like everything is in place and that we will need to be on site , tomorrow , at about 07 : 00 . We all go on stage and Linda and I have about 23 pictures ( photos ) that we will be sharing , as a part of the intro for Jason , as well as helpful in introducing Jason . There are supposed to be a bunch of people there , from all around the country and even the world . Amazingly , I 'm not nervous - maybe Linda is nervous enough for both of us . Stephanie and Crista , from the Gary Sinise Foundation are here , as they are also going to be a part of the symposium . We all went to dinner together and had a great time . They took us to a new restaurant callled the Fat Fish . The food was excellent and the conversation was even better . As it turned out we arrived ahead of the traditional dinner hour and that made it much easier for us to get in , ahead for all the people . Dinner was over and we came home ; Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We put up our tree today . . . not many decorations on it yet , but at least the tree is now up . The girls were very excited , at least until we told them that the decorations would go on later . Tomorrow we take them to school , and then the next five days they will be with their mom , so the decorations are going to have to wait until next Monday . Actually , that gives us some time to figure out what we want to put out this year . Funny to think that this is most probably going to be the last Christmas in this house - kind of a nice thought I think . Not much happening today , Jason just rested and we really didn 't go anywhere , except for one short trip to Target to pick up a couple of things . The really big news for today is that it actually rained , and it is still raining , and is supposed to rain through tomorrow . Pretty cool , if you ask me . We so much need that rain in California . I hope it does stop on Thursday , though . We have an event to go to , and no matter how you look at it , to get from the car to the auditorium we 're going to get wet , if it rains . I spent a little bit of time working on the presentation for Thursday , with Linda , and hope that it will be a reasonably good one . Mostly pictures of Jason , over the past 3 1 / 2 + years , showing how he looked before the injury and then after , and his recovery . Anyway , it should be a good show , and I hope everyone is happy with it . That 's about all I have for today . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today begins a busy week for us , though we are not going to have to travel anywhere , and we 're quite happy about that . On Thursday , December 4 , Jason , Linda and I are going to be speaking at a Medical symposium , about the care of wounded and their recovery . . . AND about the caregivers who frequently are in the background , doing so much and receiving so little recognition , beyond some close friends and family members . The next couple of days we , Linda and I , will be working on putting together our thoughts as well as some pictures of Jason 's recovery . We began , today , going through a bunch of the photos I 've taken , and Linda and I made some initial selections . The tough part about this is that we are probably only going to have about an hour , total time to talk and present , and Jason won 't be the only wounded vet there . He will be the most seriously wounded , and Linda and I will be the only caregivers , on stage . The audience is going to be made up of all sorts of people associated with the medical world with a focus on helping these people with their recoveries . We are both excited and intimidated about all of this , and nervous that we might blow the chance to present well . We represent all the other caregivers out there , and I know that some of them have really done a great deal for their Wounded Warrior . And that is what we will be focused on the rest of this week . . . along with all the other things we need to stay on top of , like the rest of the family . The girls got up and ready for school , and I walked them to their classes . Linda was still feeling the affects of eating something she shouldn 't have , and didn 't begin to feel better until around noon . When Stacy came home from school she had some home work she needed to get done , and Linda kicked into that mode of teacher she so very much enjoys . There was also a small craft project that Stacy had , and when they were done with it , it looked very good ( Linda helped but made Stacy do most of the work ) . While Linda was working with Stacy , Jackie was with Jason and the two of them were reading some books . Jackie really hasn 't learned to read too much yet , but she likes to try and if you can help her along she does a good job and is happy with herself . We 're supposed to be getting some rain over the next two days , so I won 't be getting out on my bike , though I don 't think I would have had time anyway . I 'm just glad to see rain as we really do need it , I just hope that there is a bunch up north , too . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
When I think of my past history with writing , I think of NaNoWriMo and all of my little short stories and poems on the side . When I think of my future ? Now I think of all of that with the addition of Odyssey . I was given the opportunity 2 months ago to take part in this wonderful organization . It has given me the chance to get my voice further out there than I had before . I have grown from this experience and since becoming a Content Creator for Odyssey , I have learned what it means to say what you want to say . I had been a Content Creator for 4 weeks when my Managing Editor offered me the role of Editor in Chief . Since then I have taken on the responsibility of maintaining an Odyssey Team and helping them be the best they can be , all while working hard to get my voice out there as well . We are a team , we strive to work together , and I am astounded by this organization . Odyssey is more than just an online editorial , it is a life experience . If you haven 't experienced getting your voice out there like this , then you are definitely missing out . With all of these responsibilities , it 's no wonder writing has become more of my life , than just a hobby . I am prepping for my future as an editor , what are you doing to prep for your future ? The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2 , 700 people . This blog was viewed about 33 , 000 times in 2014 . If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House , it would take about 12 sold - out performances for that many people to see it . Hello , I 'm Keegan , Arietta 's twin brother . The one she so kindly gave you a piece of in the beginning of her story . Now , I know the scene you ended with looks bad and I mean REALLY bad . But the only thing is , you haven 't heard the rest of the story . Arietta didn 't get in major trouble the way she thought she would . In fact , our parents were relieved more that she was back home safe and hadn 't accidentally done anything to a human that could have fatally harmed them . Oh I know , you 're worried about what we can do to humans now , right ? Everything comes with a price , or so people say , but I think that in order for us to exist we shouldn 't have to pay anymore prices . The one price we should have to pay is the one where we are being hunted . After that , we should be free to do whatever , but now , there 's more to our " restrictions " than we ever thought . " What were you thinking ? " Our parents demanded , Arietta glanced at me ; she looked as helpless as a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car . However , there was nothing I could do for my dear sister who means so much to me . I sighed , shaking my head and then mom spoke , " Dear , you could have just come to your father and I and asked . You don 't need to go and have little secret escapades to find out things about humans . Your father and I know all about them . " Arietta shrugs , " I didn 't feel comfortable coming and asking you . Plus , I wanted to find out what they were like for me . Why is this so important ? " Arietta visibly relaxes , " Oh . Well , that 's good ! I am glad you told me now . " Then she looks a little sheepish , " Is it okay if I see Joann again ? " Turning back towards Arietta , our mom smiled , " I understand that you want to go see your new friend again , I do . The whole deal is ; we have to be extremely careful . We can 't go running around major cities thinking that the government won 't notice us . They might not notice us at the beginning , but eventually they will . Who 's to say that day is going to be a good day ? " " Yes sweetheart . I 'm sorry , but this friendship ends now . You 're a danger to her and she 's a danger to us . " our mom said sadly , " Honestly ? I wish it didn 't have to happen this way . I wish we could interact with the regular humans of the world , I really do . " At this point I walked over and placed my arm around Arietta 's shoulders , " Come on , sis . Let 's go ahead and find something to do that might distract you . Maybe we can play ' Escapades ' like when we were younger , " my mention of our favorite childhood game brought a little bit of a smile to her face , " Come on Ari , I know you know how to smile ! And I know you want to play ' Escapades ' ! " I sigh , " Uh … I 'm not really sure , but somehow I don 't think we could really do anything that bad to a human … Somehow I think they just want us to stay away from them , but I 'm not sure why they would want that , either … " I shrug , " Hey , when you 're right , you 're right . There 's no point in arguing . I really do want to know about the human world . " So that 's the story of what happened after Arietta came back from Las Vegas and how I got Arietta to explain everything to me , I mean , I know I probably shouldn 't have asked , but she was willing to tell me . My parents weren 't happy with her for a very long time after that , but hey , it all ended up being alright . I mean , look at where we are now . Oh wait … You don 't know anything about that yet … Here we go . The town of Querton has been flooded with activity since the incident with Arietta and Joann . However , not one parent actually knows about all the activity , the reason for this ? We didn 't want to get Arietta in even more trouble ; it 's bad enough that she has to deal with our parents being mad at her ; we didn 't want everyone else 's parents to be mad at her as well . So whenever we have free time , or our parents aren 't available , we attempt to meet up with our human friends . Oh , and the whole thing about us mutations being fatal to humans ? As far as I 've seen , it 's false . Although , I 'm not sure I 've seen anyone kiss anyone else … yet , that is . So , from my point of view , it appears like our parents are worried about nothing . We 've been hanging out with them in the forest every weekend for almost a year now , we have quiet little parties where we just sit and talk about things . Every once in a while , we dance and sing quietly . As far as we 've been concerned , there has not been one incident of something bad happening to anyone of either race . I 'm thinking it was just a ruse to scare us with , but we 'll see . I mean , it appears like my sister , Arietta , has been getting a lot closer to this human guy named Aaron . As in , they seem like they are starting to get really close to the possibility of kissing , so I suppose we might find out what happens when humans and mutations , like us , kiss . Maybe our parents will be correct , but somehow I don 't think they will be . There will be another activity tonight , we 're all actually going to a movie theater to watch a movie ; it 's supposedly going to be really fun . I think we 'll just have to see about that , but it does create a perfect opportunity for Ari and Aaron . Perhaps we will find out whether the mystery is real , or whether it is actually a myth ? After we 've gotten our tickets and have found our seats , I 'm sitting next to Arietta and Elyse , I lean over to Arietta , " Ari , " I whisper , " I just want to check to see if you plan on kissing Aaron tonight ? I 'm worried that something might actually happen … All those times we talked about it probably being fake ; we never agreed to test it out on someone we know really well . I know you and I both do not want something bad to happen to one of our friends . " Ari sighs , " I know … I mean , it 's really tempting just to kiss him , but I 'm worried that something bad might happen … I don 't know if I should or shouldn 't … What would you tell me to do , Keeg ? " she whispers back to me . I glance around to see if anyone is listening and then lean closer , " Ari , " I whisper , " I really don 't think you should kiss him … I really am worried ; it 's not that I don 't think y ' all are great together , because you are . I 'm just scared that something is going to happen to him , and that it will be bad for both him and you . " Just as I 'm about to say something back to her , the previews end and the movie starts , as the theater goes even darker than before , I glance over at my sister and Aaron and see them snuggling closer together . I sigh , it seems like Aaron will kiss her by the end of the night . I shake my head and focus on the movie ; I shouldn 't worry about this anymore . It 's only causing me stress and it 's not even my life . After the movie , we headed over to the closest diner called " Dine - a - Dozen " and asked for a table that seats 15 people . The requirement to eat at this restaurant is that your party has at least 12 people in it . As we all sat down and made our selections of food , we started discussing the movie . Many people had complaints about how dependent on others the main character was , but I didn 't have a problem with the movie . I didn 't even bother talking about the movie . My main concern was for my sister and Aaron . All throughout dinner , I ate my hamburger slowly . After having my first one almost a year ago , I can 't help but order a hamburger every time we come to this restaurant . Normally I would eat quickly , trying to make time for a second and sometimes a third , but this time I couldn 't even finish my first . My stomach kept turning over and over with worry . As we came to the end of our night on the town , we started heading back over to the forest . Reaching the edge of the forest , we all said our goodbyes , hugging each other , shaking hands , patting backs , etc . Then I looked over at my sister . Arietta was with Aaron and they were a little ways away from everyone else . As I watched , Aaron pulled my sister closer and kissed her , fully , on the lips . My heart started to race , I was scared for Aaron . I didn 't know if this was going to hurt him or not . As the couple pulled apart , I smiled , it didn 't look like either of them was hurt . Then I saw Aaron bend over , Arietta reached for him as he fell to the ground . I raced over as my sister knelt next to Aaron with her hands over her face , crying violently into them . Placing an arm around my sister I looked around the group to see if anyone else had noticed Aaron . When no one showed any signs of even knowing or seeing what had happened , I picked up Aaron and hurried into the forest , straight towards Querton . As I broke through the boundary of trees around our town , I saw nothing . No one was in sight . I raced towards the Dasani 's hospital , as it was the only place I could logically think of to go . Arietta was close behind me this whole time . As I barged through the hospital doors , I felt Aaron start to stir , which gave me a sliver of hope . Finding Mr . Dasani was not an issue , he had just barely gone back to his office to lock up for the night . I rushed up to him holding Aaron out , helplessly . " Mr . Dasani ! Please ! We need help ! " I cried , almost letting the tears flow . Aaron was one of my best friends , and Arietta is my sister . Anything bad happening to either of them , would affect me terribly . Arietta and I exchanged glances and then turned toward him and said at exactly the same time , " We just wanted to know what the human world was like . We didn 't mean for any harm to come to them , but he kissed Arietta and then he collapsed . Isn 't there something you can do ? ! " I was nearly bawling by the end of the speech . " No , no , dear boy . Of course not ! " Mr . Dasani replied while shaking his head , " All you do is shock them , but after the first kiss , there really isn 't anything to worry about . I mean , they don 't die and they don 't collapse anymore after the first kiss . " Mr . Dasani nodded , " Yes , he should be waking up anytime now . However , I suggest you keep this incident from your parents . They really don 't like humans , although I 'm not sure why because we all once were humans . " I nod and start running through the trees again , my stomach growling at me for not eating more . As we reach the edge of the trees our friends are all still completely oblivious to us except for Elyse who had seen it all . As I place Aaron back down on the ground she walks over and places a hand on my shoulder . " I 'm a big girl , I sure hope I can handle a brute like you . " And with that she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me full on . I just held her in my arms for the next 5 minutes as she stirred quietly . Aaron had woken by then and was cradling Arietta in his arms . She had obviously told him how worried she had been . They continued watching Elyse as she slowly but surely woke up . I grinned and didn 't say anything as I leaned in and kissed her again . As we pulled apart Elyse was grinning , " Every time I feel that shock - the shock of someone like you kissing someone like me . It 's beautiful . " Arietta nodded , " Yeah . Our parents had told us that we would cause some serious issues with humans if we kissed them or anything … Then Aaron kissed me and when he collapsed I freaked out , but it turns out that the worst thing we do to you is cause you to faint and it 's a onetime thing . Then we can kiss you all we want . " So there you have it , our parents were wrong , but they didn 't know it and we weren 't going to tell them that we had gone against their wishes so we stayed silent . Arietta and I continued to meet up with our other friends and had recruited many more friends to the point that everyone wanted to protect us no matter what . We had become a part of their society . The fact that I 've even been able to go this whole week without talking about Sherlock on here is amazing … . Like , no joke . But I 'll try not to bore you too long with my speculations . So my brother moved away recently . The day before he left we watched the final episode of season 2 together . At the end of the episode we both had the same thought . Molly . Molly had to have helped Sherlock with the fall . Otherwise , why would he tell her " I need you " and why would he still be alive ? It is only logical to assume Molly is partially behind this trick of the eyes . We figured that since Sherlock is ALWAYS a step ( or 5 ) ahead of everyone , he knew this was long coming . The fact that he decided to send John away so that he would actually have the gumption to complete the death - defying stunt , took lots of courage and thought . He planned it out precisely . Here 's what my brother and I figure , We believe Molly helped out . We believe she gave Sherlock some blood packets that are set to explode on a timer or are set to explode upon impact . These are commonly used in many other TV shows and movies , especially Horatio Hornblower . Now , we also figured that since John just saw his friend - no , no - his BEST friend , fall to his death we only have a good reason to ignore John 's medical examination . He couldn 't have taken Sherlock 's pulse . He was in shock , he was grieving , and he wouldn 't have been able to count correctly . And that 's about all I really came up with . We , my brother and I , figure that we are TOTALLY correct . 🙂 Woo ! Anywho , that 's my Sherlock ditty for this week . Let me know what you think ! I love hearing other people 's speculations ! ! ! Hi , I 'm Arietta . Most people call me Ari . I 'm a 17 year old , I go to school every day , and I fight with my brother , things that happen to normal kids , you know . In fact , from the outside I may seem pretty average , however , I am anything but average . I live in a funky town called Querton , just outside of the Las Vegas city limits . Most people don 't even know Querton exists . Those who do know , don 't ever talk about it because they either live here , or have escaped and never want to think about it again and those who don 't , well they just don 't . I live in a society of people who have jobs , homes , families , and problems just like any other society on this earth . The only difference is ; we 're special . We were part of an experiment years ago . That is , my parents and my friends ' parents were part of an experiment . The government wanted to create the perfect race , go figure , right ? The only problem was , when they created the formula and injected my parents with it , they didn 't realize what side effects it might have . Once the government realized what the formula had changed my parents into , they attempted to snuff out anyone who could have been affected by the formula . This meant my parents and their 10 friends , who were also part of the experiment , either needed to go into hiding or risk getting captured and executed . I wasn 't born until 2 years after the experiment ; my parents were young , 19 and 20 . There was no way of knowing what had happened to their DNA because if they went to a hospital and were found out , they would be turned in . This meant only one thing ; they had to create a society all on their own . The 5 couples that survived ( there were others but they weren 't smart enough to escape capture ) had to create and maintain a secret town . 2 years after the experiment , each of the couples had children . In fact , each mother gave birth to twins . 1 boy , 1 girl . Everyone believed it had to do with the experiments performed on them 2 years earlier . There was no other explanation for the similarities between the birth circumstances . My twin brother , Keegan , is basically just like me . We are as identical as a boy and a girl can be . I am the girl version of Keegan and he is the boy version of me . My brother and I get along more often than not ; however , there are those rare times when we aren 't exactly compatible . Keegan has been my best friend since birth , he has always been there for me , and I absolutely love him , no matter how annoying he is sometimes . On to the rest of the people in my life , there is Alice and Jake , Mandy and Adam , Kim and Liam , Cody and Dawn , and Valerie and Richard . The 10m people I have grown extremely close to in my life , mainly because they are the only people I know . We never argue , none of us , and we don 't pick favorites . We like each other equally . Everyone is on the same level of likableness and at the same level of liking others . Well , that is aside from the girls towards their crushes and vice versa , the good thing about all this ? When a girl likes a guy or a guy likes a girl , the other individual usually likes them back . Alice and Jake are the Rosburry twins . Their parents run the Querton School ; since we are the only kids here they only need enough room for 10 teens . Mandy and Adam are the Lloyd twins . Their parents run the entertainment center , meaning they supply all of the video games , movies , gaming systems , TVs , laptops , etc . You get the picture . Moving onward to Kim and Liam Dasani , their parents run the hospital , making sure everyone is fit as a fiddle one might say . Cody and Dawn are the children of the ones this town is named after , the Quertons who run the " political " issues of our town ( even though we have none ) . Valerie and Richard Taylor are two of the most regular kids you may find ; their parents run the local grocery , clothes , etc . store called Q Market . My parents ? I thought you 'd never ask ! They run the other stuff , as in cars and such . However , every citizen in our quirky little town knows how to do just about what everyone else does . We succeed in maintaining low profiles , however , there are those times when the other twins and Keegan and I " sneak out " . You see , we aren 't actually supposed to leave our town ; it 's sort of against the rules , but rules schmules ! We like to have fun sometimes , so yes , there are other teenagers in our lives , of course our parents have no idea and if they did we 'd all be dead . My very best " normal " friend , I suppose you could say , would have to be Joann , she is the cutest thing you could probably ever meet ! The story of how we met is all too funny , I mean , seriously , it 's hilarious ! Every time I think about it I can 't stop laughing ! Oh you want to hear the story ? What if I don 't want to tell you it ? Ah well , you got me there , I totally want to tell you it ! Any who , back to the story , Joann was sitting at the base of the tree and I was just sitting on a branch in the tree when all of a sudden I heard this crack ; and it was extremely close to me . I glanced toward the trunk of the tree and saw that the branch was starting to break away from it , I looked down and saw Joann peering up into the tree and I stared back for about 10 seconds until I heard another crack , causing me to choose what to do quickly . Deciding not to stay in that tree a minute longer I stretched my arms outward and flipped out of the tree to the ground , landing in a tumble . As I stood up and brushed the grass off of my clothes , Joann just peered at me over her textbook , I sighed and sat down next to her , it wouldn 't do much for me to just walk away now that she knew I was there . I had to laugh at that , this girl had a sense of humor ! Now , I 'm not going to lie , I figured she would freak out and ask me how it was possible for me to get out of the tree that way without bruising myself or getting scraped up . However , she did nothing of the sort . She just started talking to me like I was a normal person ; she asked me if I went to her school . I was on the verge of saying yes when I decided against it . I wasn 't about to lie to a complete stranger , plus just thinking about it is bad enough to make Keegan tease me about it later , guaranteed . I laughed , " If only , if only ! I would love that ! But I 'm not sure my friends parents would appreciate that … My parents don 't teach me . " Spending that day with Joann was the first thing I had ever done to actually intersperse with the " normal " people . I couldn 't believe all of the things I was missing out on by living in Querton . No doubt , Keegan was able to know everything I was thinking about and was most likely either angry or extremely jealous . I smirked at the thought ; maybe I 'll have to bring Keegan into the real world sometime , he would probably really enjoy that . As the time passed , I realized more and more that it would be hard for me to go back to Querton and never be able to see Joann again , I sighed knowing that I should probably let her know that I enjoyed this time , however I would probably never be able to see her again . That would bring up the question of why I wouldn 't be able to see her again if I live so close and then I 'd probably end up spilling my guts to her . I sighed , wishing and hoping there was an easier way , but with the way things were going , I would have to leave her out of the blue , confused and disappointed . I would have to pretend to turn out to be a flake . Joann is an extremely kind and sweet person , she will do anything for someone she cares about , even if she doesn 't know them . She believes everyone is special and that they should be cared for by at least one person . The thing that I have to do to her is not something she would probably ever consider , I feel so bad that I start to feel nauseous . She will hate me for this , that 's when I hear Keegan 's thought directed toward me so clearly . Why do you have to leave ? You can have friends ; just don 't let mom and dad find out . I 'll cover for you every time you disappear . I 'll say you 're … I don 't know … studying nature or something . I grin , my brother always knows when I need an optimistic opinion . He really is so sweet that way . I shook my head , " Oh , it 's not that major . Just my twin , he and I are telepathically linked , not even in a joke . Our link is actually there . " I laugh , realizing how ridiculous I probably sounded , " Yeah , I know you are one ! " I wink , like it 's an inside joke , then I look at the time , " Oh my gosh ! You have to be kidding ! It 's already that late ? " " Well , I 'm supposed to be home right now … My parents are going to freak ! I have to scoot ! It 's about a 20 minute run … " Joann shakes her head , " This might be strange , but I really can take you home . Just give me the directions . Maybe tell me what area it is in . " " Well , I do live in a sort of secret civilization , I mean ; we didn 't have to hide until the government chose my parents and my other friends ' parents for an experiment . This was about 2 years before I was born , before any of us were born . They wanted to test something and my parents were top of the list individuals to test it on , whatever ' it ' was . Either way , it pretty much ruined our lives because the government didn 't like the results they got so they started hunting down all of the individuals they tested , they made sure that if anyone was found with a particular genetic code , they would be captured , taken in for questioning , and then exterminated . Joann stared at me wide - eyed , " You mean to say , that you 're sort of a different race from everyone else living on this earth ? Like , there is only … 20 of you ? In the entire world ? " I laugh , " Seriously ? Anyways , that 's why I was in the tree ; I was watching how normal people are and what they get to do . I am only extremely jealous that you guys can go wherever you want , do whatever you want , and not have to worry about the government trying to find you and destroy you . " I laugh , " I know … You just have more things you can do . I 've always been jealous of that because I only have certain places I can go ; Las Vegas is not included in that list . This was an act of rebellion , but I am so glad I did it ! " Joann nods , " Gotcha … Well , since I 'm not sure how I would drive to where you live , I 'll stop at the edge of the forest . " She says as she pulls up right along the edge . " That 's fine ; I don 't live too far from here . Thank you so much for your help , Joann ! " I exclaim as I start climbing out of the car , " Oh and if you could , please don 't mention me to anyone … I really don 't want to ruin everything my parents and my friends ' parents have worked for … There are only 20 of us left and we don 't really want to diminish that number to nothing . " Keegan laughs , " I 'm sorry , I can 't keep a straight face anymore . This is TOO good . You actually met a real , normal person ? As in , they actually exist ? " " Oh , Keegan … Of course they do ! And they act a lot like us ! " I know Keegan is only playing around , which is why I didn 't totally freak out when I saw him standing at the door all business - like , " So , " I start , " Where are our parents ? " Keegan looks around , " Well , they 're actually home . They got home about 1 minute before you and I 'm not sure if you being in nature really convinced them of anything … Ari , I think they know . " I was just standing up , and turning to my locker - I bumped into this blonde I had seen in a few of my classes . Of course , my things went sprawling again and the blonde stared at me like I was the biggest idiot he had ever seen . I felt the blood rushing to my face as he stared at me angrily . I quickly knelt down and started picking them up as fast as I could , when a voice stopped me . " What 's the big deal ? " The voice said . I looked up through sheets of black hair and saw that it was the blonde speaking , I immediately looked down again . " I just bumped into you and then my books dumped all over your feet ! What is there that I can 't be sorry for ? " I asked a little frustrated that he was interrogating me on why I said sorry - usually people just take the sorry and walk away . Well , not this guy . " Whatever . " He said annoyed , " Anyways , get out of my way - what 's your name again ? " He asked me sounding and looking very frustrated . I quickly jumped aside for him and as he walked down the hall he dropped a paper on the floor . I went over and picked it up to find out that it was one of my short stories . Oh no , He saw that ! I walked into my second period algebra class and saw the blonde guy from yesterday I quickly take the white hat I 'm wearing and pull it lower over my eyes as I take my seat . The teacher walks in and starts the class while she is talking a folded piece of paper lands on my desk . I look around trying to see who threw it but everyone is paying attention to the teacher . I unfold the note and start reading . I looked up and looked for the blonde . He was staring intently at the teacher two seats down from me but I knew that he was partly watching me . I smiled and started writing a reply to his note . I took my reply and folded it up into a paper football and then when the teacher wasn 't looking I sent it soaring through the air where it landed neatly on the blonde 's desk . He looked down at it and then looked at me - I smiled at him . He opened it and read it then he looked at me and started laughing silently . Our teacher had eyes only for the chalkboard . All she did the whole period was write notes that we were supposed to copy down into our own notebooks . The bell that said our class had ended rang and I stood up then gathered up my stuff and as I walked out the door the blonde caught up to me and started walking with me . He looked at me , obviously amazed that I would forgive him so easily then said , " No . It 's not fine . I was really rude to you ! I didn 't even help you pick up your stuff , " He exclaimed . He gave me an exasperated look and then asked what my next class was . I told him that it was History with Mrs . Tumbrill . He smiled and told me he had that next too . We walked all the way to Mrs . Tumbrill 's class together , then we parted as he went to his seat and I to mine . " Wait . You 're the Andrew Richards that everyone in this school loves ? " I asked , for being there only one day you do hear a lot - especially about the most popular kids in school . Just then the bell started to ring so I ran over to my desk before Mrs . Tumbrill walked in . Luckily I made it just as she was crossing the threshold of the classroom door . I was just opening my notebook when she looked my way . I smiled at her and started working on copying our notes for the day . I finished copying the notes early with a few minutes of class left so , I packed up my stuff . Mrs . Tumbrill watched me curiously as I placed my things in my bag . I looked up once to see her staring with a contemplating look on her face , I smiled and continued packing up . The bell for the end of class rang and I headed to the cafeteria for lunch . I walked into the cafeteria and looked for a place to sit . I saw a whole table that was empty except for one girl with red hair . I walked over and asked her if I could sit with her , she smiled up at me and nodded , then continued messing with her cellphone . I smiled and sat down . I was just about to start eating when I heard my name being called but I had no clue where it was coming from . I glance around and then the red head points behind me while smiling . I turn around and see Andrew Richards walking towards me . Ever since I found out who he was I had wanted to stay away from him . I didn 't want to be popular - at all . I smiled in his direction to let him know I saw him then I sat down again . I smiled then knelt down and started picking my stuff up for the second day in a row . This time though I gained help , Athena and the dark haired guy helped me . I glanced at Athena and she raised her eyebrows at me with a knowing look , then I looked over at the dark haired guy and I said sorry again . He looked at me and smiled then he said , " My name is Brad Reyes . What are your names ? " We past right by Andrew on our way outside , but I ignored him to the best of my abilities - I honestly did not want to be a stuck - up popular kid . He called my name , but we just kept walking . As soon as the warm sun in the Texas atmosphere hit our faces we started laughing . I looked around for my ride when I realized I was getting a text . I opened my phone up and read . Athena and I started walking over to Athena 's house ; once we got there we talked , had a few cookies with milk and then headed to her bedroom . I spent a few hours there until I really needed to go home so she got her mother to drive me over to my house . Once we got there I hugged Athena and said ' thank you for saving me ! ' She just smiled in response . I walked through the front door and then my mother was pulling me towards the kitchen , I barely had time to close the front door . When I entered the kitchen there was a full dozen of red roses sitting in my vase on the counter . I looked at them and then asked my mother who they were from . She told me she didn 't know , who could they be from ? Water - cool , wet , and dangerous . The serene appearance of the water 's surface alerted no one of the peril I was in . Everyone above most likely figured I was playing a game - or worse - didn 't even know I was gone . My breath , slowly escaping my lungs , was precious ; soon there would be none left . I slowly drifted deeper and deeper into the depths of the water . As the last bubbles of oxygen escaped my lungs , I closed my eyes , imagining what it would be like in the place I was going to . The water flooded in , as my mouth opened to gasp for air , and my eyes closed , as I lost consciousness . I could feel people on both sides of me , then I heard a voice to the left of me saying , " I don 't know , but please be quiet . All we can do is wait now . The lifeguard did all they could to start her breathing again . " Lifeguard ? Why would I need a lifeguard ? And then I remembered the feeling of serenity that had washed over me as I slipped deeper into the water . I must have been drowning . " Well … " he started , " You were drowning . I think I was the only one who noticed that you were missing so … I dove in and pulled you out . " I nodded , " That 's right … I remember thinking that no one knew I was gone , I just didn 't know that was real … " my eyes opened wide and I spun around to face the lake , the water looked so calm and peaceful … " I am never going back in that water . " " I can 't go back in the water . I mean , I just don 't think I have the strength to do it … I could have died if it hadn 't been for … " I trailed off as I turned to look at the lifeguard who saved me , a strong well - built boy , my age , and not a local , " What is your name , anyway ? " I gave him a small smile , said thank you , and walked away just as he was heading back over to the lifeguard 's chair . I could feel my cheeks burning with a violent red blush . I 'm not supposed to be meeting guys this way , I mean , what if I see him again ? But then I heard a little voice say , you won 't see him again , remember ? He 's not a local . With that little piece of information playing over and over in my mind , I walked back over to him and attempted to start a conversation . Believe me , it is not an easy feat to start a conversation when the boy feels bad about being the one who made you feel embarrassed . He nods and hands me his phone . I punch in my cell phone number and then proceed to taking a picture of myself , " Here you go ! " I exclaim happily , " Send me a text so that I can have your number as well ! " I start walking away towards my family and just as we are about to leave , I turn around and wave at Toby who appears to have been watching me the whole time . He waves back and then my family leaves . Well , I think , I doubt I 'll ever be seeing him again … but at least we can talk to each other sometimes . Over the course of the summer , Toby and I keep in touch . By the time late August rolls around , he and I have gotten to know each other really well . I smile sadly as I think about the first day of school that is coming up and how I won 't be able to see my new friend in any of my classes . Just my luck , the good guys are always the ones I can never see . I nod , " Yeah , I 'm alright . School starts in 2 days . It 's just the fact that school is just around the corner . I 'm not prepared for my senior year . " My Mom nods , " Ah , I see . You 'll be fine . Senior year should be loads easier than your Junior year was . I promise . It usually is . " I nod , " I don 't think I 'll have a problem with waking up . I 'll see you tomorrow . Sleep well , Mom ! I love you ! " I climb up the stairs slowly , sadly . I can 't stop thinking about Toby and how he and I have become so close , but we haven 't been able to see each other since the day he saved me . You know , I think there is something about a person saving your life that instantly binds you to them . You think about them nonstop and wonder what would happen if they hadn 't been there . Or maybe that 's just me . The sun pours in through my window and I squint , it 's all too bright . I sigh and look over at my alarm clock , 8 : 33 … 8 : 33 ? ! Oh my goodness ! I hurry and throw the covers off ; I only have about 12 minutes to get ready for church . We , my family , always leave at a quarter till . I hurry and pull a shirt and skirt on , brushing through my hair quickly and putting on a headband . I look myself over once in the mirror , turning my head sideways I decided that I look really good for only having 12 minutes to prepare . I hurry and grab my sandals and purse and head down the hall to where my sister 's room is . I nod and spin around , heading for the stairs . As I reach the bottom I remember something and rush back upstairs . I forgot my bracelet that I have worn every day since I almost drowned . It was one of those things that continue to tie me to that day , and by extension , to tie me to Toby . It seems like every little thing I think or do connects me to Toby . I wish we could have hung out over the summer , but he always avoided my questions about what he was doing , so we just talked about our likes and dislikes and other things that new friends try and learn about each other . Why would he want to know what school I go to ? Ah well , I might as well tell him , so I start typing up a message , " McDermott High School . Why ? " after I hit the send button , Angie walks into the kitchen and I glance at the time . I breathe a sigh of relief , " Oh good . We won 't be late today . " I grin at her as she walks past me and towards the front door . I follow her quickly and quietly , she seems a little out of it , but maybe that 's just because school is tomorrow . I close and lock the door behind us as we leave the house . Unlocking the car doors , Angie climbs into my car and buckles in . I smile at her and turn on a CD that Angie got at an efy camp she went to over the summer . I check my phone once more before starting the drive to the church building , I 'm surprised that Toby hasn 't texted back ; he 's usually pretty quick about responding . Sighing I place my phone in the cup holder and start the drive to church . On the way to church Angie and I pass each light while it 's still green , it was amazing ! Turning into the church parking lot , I find a perfect parking space and pull in smoothly and cleanly with no need to adjust . Today is going to be a good day , I would say . However , the only thing that might mess it up for me is the fact that Toby texted me but hasn 't responded back yet . I guess he doesn 't have to reply , he didn 't necessarily start a conversation . I just would really like to hear from him . That evening my parents , Angie , and I are all sitting around the living room , reading books or just kinda dozing off , when Angie looks at the time and sighs loudly . My dad looks up at her and cocks an eyebrow up , questioningly . I look towards Angie , throwing her a questioning glance . My Mom , however , stops reading her book and checks the time . " Well , Angie … It appears to be half past 9 . I expect you in bed by 10 . You too , Ariana . " My Mom says as she looks at both of us from across the room , " I need you two to be able to wake up tomorrow for school . Seminary doesn 't start until Thursday . " I nod , " Sure thing , Mom . I 'll go to bed right now . I love you guys ! " I say as I head up the stairs . There is a resounding " love you too " from my parents and Angie as I leave that I can 't help but smile . They are the best people I could ask for in a family . I get to my room and quickly change into my pajamas , settling into my bed , I pick up my phone and check to see if I 've gotten any texts or calls since the last time I checked . I sigh , Toby still hasn 't texted me back . I mean , I 'm sure he has a reason for not texting me ; I just would have appreciated a warning . I snuggle down in my covers and turn over onto my side , drifting off into dreamland easily as I close my eyes . As my alarm blares out the newest Plain White T 's CD and I sit up straight in bed , glancing around my dark bedroom I sigh . Well , it 's the first day of school ; let 's make the best of it . Pulling my covers off and climbing out of bed goes quickly and then I proceed to straighten and put my bed back together . Once my bed is made I grab my phone off of the charger , checking it quickly to see if there are any new messages , there aren 't . I shove my phone in my pocket and then hurry to gather up all of my school supplies . I make my way out of my bedroom and do one last quick glance around the room to make sure I didn 't forget anything . This year will probably be better than I think it will be , just got to stay positive . As I rush down the stairs to the kitchen I see my Mom preparing getting Angie 's lunch ready . After placing my stuff down by a chair in the family room , I walk over to the pantry , as I look for something to eat I realize I 'm not hungry . I sigh and close the door , grabbing a powerade from the fridge and take it back over to my back pack . My Mom starts hurrying to gather her cross guarding stuff and get Angie ready for school . I settle down into the chair and start messing with my phone . I 'm worried because Toby hasn 't texted me yet and I was almost positive that he would at least wish me a wonderful first day of my senior year . I curl up in the chair and doze off for about half an hour . When I wake up it 's just about time for me to leave for school . I sigh and gather all of my stuff up , heading out to the front of the house where my car is parked . I climb in and drive the 2 minutes it takes to get to my high school . Sitting in the car for a couple of minutes I check my phone again , nothing . Shoving my phone into my purse I decide to ignore it throughout the day unless I can feel or hear it vibrate . I climb out of my car and head towards the school , grinning at my friends that I haven 't seen since May , waving to those that I have . Walking through the entrance to the school gives me a burst of energy ; I can smell the clean school smell . I grin ; this should be a good day . Then my phone vibrates , I hurry and pull it out to find a text from my Mom . " Hey darling ! I hope today is great ! I noticed that you weren 't too happy this morning so I just want you to make the best of today ! No matter what happens ! 🙂 Love you ! " I smile ; my Mom always knows how to make me feel better . Always . I hurry and type a quick response back , " Thank you , Mom . I love you so much ! This text definitely brightened my day ! I hope you have a great day as well ! " hitting the send button , I smile and place my phone back into my purse ; my day suddenly a whole lot brighter than before . School has turned out to be a lot easier and more laid back than I thought it would be , I 'm already in my 4th period and I haven 't really felt stressed at all . I have friends in all of my classes ( so far ) and I don 't have an 8th period . I grin at the thought , after this class I 'm free . Oh yeah , I live in Texas and go to a school where we only have 5 class periods each day . The first day , " A " days , we have 1st , 2nd , 3rd , 4th , and 8th ; the second day , " B " days , we have 1st , 5th , 6th , 7th , and 8th . The days switch off like , A B A B . Once 4th period ends I walk to the front of the school and decide to just sit out there working on homework until 8th period ends . I set all of my stuff down and then I climb up on one of the stone walls in front of my school that I see people sit on all the time . I sigh contentedly ; this has been a great day . I start digging through my bag searching for homework and then I realize that I don 't have any , I pull out a book instead and start reading . Immersed in the make believe world of Camelot , I soak up the warm Texas sun , and wait for my other friends to get out of school . As the end of 8th period approaches , I climb off of the wall and sit on the ground with my head against the bricks . Closing my eyes , I drift off for a while , just enjoying being a senior and having no worries at the time being . I wake up about 2 minutes before the bell to let 8th period out rings and I stand up . As I start gathering my stuff I smile , soon I will see some of my friends and I 'll be able to talk to them . Pulling my bag onto my shoulder , the bell rings and I slip back into the school . I stand inside the school for a little while longer and then head out the front doors . I smile at everyone I see that stares and then I start making my way to the parking lot . Heading straight for my car I get the feeling that someone is following me , but I ignore it because it 's the school parking lot , everyone parks here . As I reach my car , which is in a parking spot that I pulled straight into , I unlock it and place my school bag in the trunk , making sure that I don 't leave the book I 'm reading in it . I walk over to the front of my car and open the driver 's side door . I place the book on the passenger side seat and place the key into the ignition , just as I 'm climbing into my car I hear something nearby . I pause as I 'm climbing in , curious as to what it is . He smiles and nods , " Yeah . I 'm sorry for not responding to your text , but that was the only way I could stop myself from telling you about the surprise . I was afraid that if I texted you back I 'd spill everything . " |
Brianna and I went into the Dollar Tree and she saw a stuffed monkey . This was in November and seemed innocent enough at the time . She really wanted the Monkey and it was just a Dollar so I bought it . Well two days later she has lost it and is DEVASTATED , I mean tears and cries and on the floor upset . We survived that great loss though . Maybe a week later we go in again ( I admit it I am a dollar store junkie ) and she spots another monkey so I bought it because I remember how much she loved the first one . The first one was purple and this one is blue . Brianna now is mentioning how much she wants a pink one . Now if you ever go to the Dollar Tree you really don 't know what stuffies they will have . Bears are usually a given but monkeys , especially 8 " pot bellied monkeys are not as prevalent . The beginning of December I spot a brown one and buy that too . Now Brianna is aware of Christmas and its proximity so she announces that Santa will bring her a pink Monkey . I go back mid - December and there are no more pot bellied monkeys . Not blue , not purple and especially not pink ones . Brianna is telling everyone about how Santa is bringing her one and I am starting to panic . I am asking everyone I can to look for one if they go into a Dollar Tree . I ask my WNY Mommies friends , I ask my other on line groups to keep an eye out for them . I ask out of state relatives and friends . NOTHING ! ! ! ! Now it is almost Christmas and I am now going to the Dollar Stores again because she is so sure she is getting this stupid pink monkey . It is the only thing she is asking for . I am frantic trying to find it . I am digging through the stuffed animal bins looking for it . The clerks are telling me I am brave , they wont even do that . I am finding valentine toys , but no pink pot bellied monkeys . I went into one store where some shelves were empty from all the Christmas shopping . Finally I go into one last store and I find one brown pot bellied monkey and two pink dogs that looked kind of close to the monkey . So I bought them all . I wrapped them up ( okAutumnMommy My tooth has been bothering me since mid - October . Of course it is a wisdom tooth . I have had three dentist appointments about it so far . The last one they tried to remove it . It is infected and the antibiotics haven 't worked well . The pain as they tried to pull it was intense . I would rather go through natural childbirth again before they do that again . So I got another two prescriptions for pain and a stronger antibiotic . Another two prescriptions on top of the multitude I already take for so many things . My body won 't regulate potassium so I have to take that . My blood is acidic so I have to take another pill 4x 's a day for that . Oh and there is the depression which ran out this week and I didn 't notice . So I spent a night without it . If I miss a dose I get a bit emotional and dizzy . So Dennis went to get my meds and picked up three scripts . He brought them to me and I opened the bag and emptied them out . I was dizzy and didn 't want to walk so I had a couple other scripts next to me . All the bottles kind of clanked together as Brianna came up to me to snuggle . All of a sudden I was crying . I looked at all the bottles of meds I have to take . It just looked like hundreds of bottles at that moment . I looked at Brianna and hoped she never had to take all the pills I have to . It is such a regular thing for mommy to take meds . Brianna keeps me on my toes and reminds me . My baby already knows what prescription bottles are . Oh and then I took out a pill for my depression and dropped it in - between the couch cousins . I panicked . I am already upset about taking so many meds now I am worried I won ; t be able to find the pill and the kids will find it and take it . So I reach for it and It falls all the way down to the bottom . SO I get hubby to lift the couch and there is a liner . No we have to play tilt the couch to get at the pill and it wouldn 't come out . Remember I didn 't take the depression meds the day before and I am already emotional . I want that pill found I am focused on that and Dennis really doesn 't seem to care becauPosted by My little guy has had a rough week . He has been having trouble falling and staying asleep , crying during bath time ( which is usually his favorite ! ) and bursting out in tears for what seems to be no reason at all . There have probably been a dozen people who have said to me , " he must be teething ! " I didn 't pay much attention to this because Lincoln has been drooling like crazy and chomping down on teething rings for what seems like his entire life . . . so , it couldn 't be that , right ? Well , just a few days ago he started refusing his dinner , which is totally not the usual behavior for my little piggy . He screamed through his entire bath and then only slept about three hours total that night . The next day , I discovered that a tooth had , indeed cut through his bottom gums ! My poor little man ! I could have been giving him Tylenol to ease his discomfort . . . I could have been giving him frozen washcloths to chew on to help his hurting little gums . . . I could have been more patient with him at night when he was fussy at all hours . . . I could have listened to those dozen people telling me that he was teething ! ! ! Thank goodness he is feeling better now , but I can see that the " neighbor " tooth is on it 's way up and out , so I 'm sure we 'll be dealing with a sore mouth for a while . Boy , there certainly are a lot of lessons to be learned from a first born ! Today was a great day ! Scott and I cooked our turkey dinner - well , he did the dirty work - I mainly dictated LOL . . . but I did whip up a winning batch of peanut butter cookies ! ! After dinner , we put up and decorated our Christmas tree with our very eclectic collection of ornaments both from my childhood and newer ones from recent Christmas ' . . . They goofed off a little . . . . But in the end . . . It came out great ! ( the tree is behind them somewhere ! ! ) It 's so nice , as the kids are getting older , to enjoy this time with them ! They are finally at the age that they " get it " - and it makes the season so fun ! I am sick . I mean stay in bed all day , throat feels like it made of broken glass , light is bad and 70 degrees feels cold sick . Luckily it is the weekend and my hubby took over . The house looks like a hurricane hit and the sink is full of dishes but I got to stay in bed for most of the day . I still had to negotiate some squables and dry some tears but I feel better . My wisdom tooth needs to come out . I am on antibiotics , pain killers and just added anbesol to the mix . I have one more week before it is yanked . To give you an idea of how much it hurts a pillow hurts when it touches my cheek . The soft fuzzy hair of my kittens when brushed on my face makes me wince . SO why am I telling you about all the ick in my life . Well tonight after the kids went to bed and I sent hubby out for anbesol ( $ 8 . 00 a bottle OUCH ! ! ! ! ! ) I snuck a peek at Brianna . She was still awake and I cuddled up next to her in her bed . She kisses me on my cheek ( yes the side that hurts because of that darn tooth # & $ * % ! ? ) and said " I love you mommy " . Then she snuggled up next to me and started to hum . All the pain went away as I melted in my babies arms . Oh those magic snuggles that are exactly what we need at exactly the right time . Nothing else seems to matter ! ! ! ! ! When did my six - year old become mature enough to cry during the sad parts of a movie ? ? I must admit , I get teary eyed myself , but was hiding in the bedroom folding laundry while my 6 and 3 year old daughters watched Casper on the Family Channel . ( yes - the one with Christina Ricci in it - her mom is dead , she moves into this haunted mansion and meets Casper ) . . . Anwho at the end are some pretty tear - jerking " deep " scenes , and don 't I hear her sniffling away out there ! ! My baby has turned into a little person overnight . Crying at grown - up scenes in movies , laughing at the subtle humor in Sesame Street , writing notes to her friends at school and even getting phone calls ! ! ( I 'm so not ready for this ) . I wonder often . . . when did this happen ? I look at her baby pictures and it just seems so long ago , when in reality it was only a few years . . . but doesn 't a few years go so fast now ? Short and sweet ; ) So today I had a huge head cold . Brianna took a nap , Patrick was at school so I took some cold meds and took a nap myself . I woke up feeling better . Brianna woke up and we snuggled on my bed . Ah , I though this is nice . I love being a Mommy . . . and then my son came home from school . We have been having some behavior issues lately . Enough that I have been concerned enough to call a doctor . Though nothing really major until today . My son came home from school with a red light ( Bad behavior ) for fighting . He and another boy were wrestling in the playground . On the ground woodchips flying , actual fighting . Oh and it gets better . He was the Red Power Ranger , the good guy ( at least I know he was the good guy , LOL ) and was fighting the Blue Power Ranger , the bad guy . Now I don 't know why the blue power ranger was the bad guy so please don 't ask , LOL ! ! ! Brianna is holding " her " kitten by the neck all over . No matter how often we tell her that the kitten needs to breath and doesn 't like to be held by the neck she still does it . The look of that kitten before I rescue it is so pitiful . He is getting smart though . He really doesn 't come out often if the kids are playing . He also is starting to let Brianna know that he doesn 't like to be held by the neck . Patrick wanted to go to movie night tonight . I knew he would hate it . The movie was High School Musical which is not the Power Rangers ( not that I let him watch them , but still he plays that ) or a cartoon or short . But there was an ice cream social so he waned to go . He was acting all excited , talking about the movie amd the stars ( He never saw it so I have no idea how he knew all that he knew ) . He ate his ice cream and then was BORED ! ! ! ! I mean crawling on the floor under the tables in the cafeteria bored . So we go into the auditorium to see the movie and he wants to sit next to a classmate . No problem I think until I notice I am only seats away from my evil ex - neighbor . There was a buffer between us so I was okay . Then the buffer left . Patrick of course got bored and actually Posted by I got the idea from one of those parenting magazines when Patrick was a baby . LOL , I never thought I would use it . Until Brianna was born he never collected a whole lot of candy and Daddy and Mommy of course helped him eat the candy . Okay we ate most of it , he was a toddler so we tried to limit his candy intake . Basically the idea is to at a specific time after Halloween the excess candy is taken by the Halloween Fairy to be given to people who needed it more . I am not sure if that was the original idea I read or a twisted interpretation that I formed in my mind over the years . Oh , yeah - she leaves a present in place of the candy . In our case it is a nice one - about a $ 10 . 00 level . The first time she visited our houses was the first year Brianna joined in . Like before I wasn 't expecting much . A small bagfull that would be easy to get through . Nope not my kids . Together they brought home 9 pounds of Candy . To be fair that included a couple indoor events like mall Trick or Treating . A huge box of candy that would take forever to go through . Of course the kids just wanted to eat and eat it . We allowed them two pices a day each and I had visions of candy still around for the next Halloween . I recalled the Halloween Fairy idea and molded it to my own use . The night she came the kids were preped . They put the candy in a special spot and wrote her a note that said how they wanted to give the candy to people that couldn 't get any . It was real sweet . They were actually excited about it . Each one was allowed to keep a few pieces of the precious candy but the most of it was gathered to give away . That night the Halloween Fairy came to our house , we used a special in the back yard so she would know to stop at our house . After all not everybody uses her services , LOL ! ! ! ! It is like a Halloween Fairy landing strip . She gathered up the candy and left the kids a note to let them know the candy went to the Veterans Hospital in Buffalo and they were so happy with the children 's generocity . She left them two wrapped gifts ( one for eacPosted by So I finally ( mind you after years of looking ) found a plus size witch costume I liked . So I decided that we would stop into the store to check it out . I went up to the wall of options and found the number of the costume I wanted . There were actually two that I was decided between so I tried on both . Amazingly the moment I got them both dressing rooms were free . I tried on both and the one I wanted first was the one that looked better on my . Dennis REALLY liked it . It was of course the last one at the store so I bought it . Since we were already buying the costume we decided to buy the kids costumes too . ( We have already been in the store for about 15 mins , what were we thinking ! ! ! ) Patrick immedietly decided on the RED Power Ranger . He has never seen The Power Rangers , nor have I . I am sure the colors mean something but I have no idea and neither does Patrick . He was so happy that we let him get the costume that he was literly bouncing up and down . Now getting Brianna to select a costume was not nearly as easy . I think she eventually chose every costume in the girls selections and even a few on the boys , including the Red Power Ranger right after Patrick picked it . It took some effort to pick another one . Even though the cost was right I could only have one Red Power Ranger in the house . So in the end Brianna firmly stood by her choice to be the Wonderful Witch . A frilly pink , purple and black witches costume . One look at her in the costume and I knew it was the perfect costume for her . She was just adorible in it . Now remember when I tried my costume on and both dressing rooms were free . NOT ANYMORE ! ! ! ! All of a sudden it was like shopping for a deal on the day after Thanksgiving and the doors just opened . It was maddness . People were everywhere and the line for the dressing room was LONG ! ! ! We had the kids try the costumes on over their clothes and thankfully they fit so I didn 't have to wait to get different ones . Then came the long journey to the door . It was like being the ball in a pinball machine . Though on thPosted by Today we went to the Fall Festival . I had never been before and was pleased with how nice it was . There were games for the children and a nice sized craft fair for me . Okay not much for the dads but there were fire truck rides . The only disappointment was they ran out of pumpkins before we picked ours . Oh I tried earlier but hubby thought the . 50 price was too high . MEN ! ! ! ! ! So by the time I convinced him that that price was a steal , they of course were all gone . After the festival ended we all went to the playground and the kids had a blast . How is playground this nice is so close to my house and I didn 't know about it ? There was a merry - go - round , huge slide climbing set , a smaller slide climber , a jungle gym shaped like a train , two swing sets and bouncy toys to ride . WOW ! ! ! ! ! Patrick and Brianna had a blast ! ! ! We even made friends . Well while sitting there watching the joy of my children I noticed a little boy wandering around and asking the grown ups something . When he got close enough I could hear he was lost and looking for him mommy . He was asking everybody " Do you know where my mommy is ? " He knew what color purse she had . One woman tried to help him but had two little ones of her own that needed her attention . Dennis was watching the kids so I helped the boy . Okay the park is a nice size but not big enough that I can 't see most of it , maybe all of it . No parents are franticly looking for a child . I know I looked around . I took the boy to the area with the highest concentration of workers and adults . The food pavilion , on the way I got some description of the mom and luckily ran into a police officer . I left the boy with the officer . Before I left the police officer asked the boy what his mom 's name was and he didn 't know . I asked the boy what his daddy calls his mom and we did get a name out of him then , but as I left a last name was still unknown ( ? ) . I kept an eye on him and also noticed a woman sitting at a picnic table talking on her phone . As she got up the color purse she had was I thought the same colPosted by Today Brianna decided she didn 't need a nap no matter how much I tried to convince her otherwise . The kittens have decided to start exploring dispite mama 's objections . I guess swe both have children issues now . So Brianna was loving watching the kittens wander around and was occupied . I had a friend over and we were talking and I noticed that mama cat was being more vocal than usual and wandering around . I got up and saw the door to my room was closed so I opened it since the kittens and mama reside under my bed where no one can reach . I figured she was just upset that she and the kittens were not in the safe place and a new person was in the house . Mama ran inside and I went back to talking and Brianna was happily in her room NOT napping . Once my friend left Brianna was telling me all about her kiiten and how she loved it and how it was so cute sleeping . Mama was still looking all over and making all sorts of noise . I asked Brianna where her kitten was and she told me it was in her room . I follwed her into her room and snuggled in her dresser drawer nestled in her clothes was Butterscotch . No wonder Mama couldn 't find him . So " rescued " the kitten and returned him to Mama and she was so happy . Meanwhile Simba was nestled under the bed in the farthest corner happily away from the kitten - nappers reach . Three and a half weeks was all it took for her to pull of this capper . I wonder how much longer it will take before Simba gets smuggled into the drawer too . When I was in High School I had a best friend that I did everything together with . Margie and I were like two peas in a pod . When she feel for one of the guys in our class I knew it was real and would last . It has ! ! ! Over the years I have spend the night at their place a few times . I was there for her when her children were born and we had roles in each other 's weddings . Over the many ( way to many ) years since High School even with all our effort to stay in touch we started to slip away from each other . Oh I still talked about all the fun stuff we used to do . I would chat with Dennis , my hubby about her and her hubby . We always agreed that we really missed them and really needed to get in touch with them again . The last time I saw them was when Brianna was baptized . That was a little over two years ago . Why didn 't I ever contact them ? She just likes one city over . I could have but picked up the phone and called her . I could have written a letter . No I have gotten LAZY . I use the computer . If I don 't have an email address for you or can 't contact you through a website or messaging group I won 't contact you most likely . I am a computer snob , LOL ! ! ! So why am I announcing my snobbiness to the world ? Today we went to a Wildlife Festival . I knew one of the professors I was friends with at Buffalo State College would be there so I sought him out . I walk in the tent and there is Margie and all grown up family . I turn around and there is a family that Dennis knows that we have a little of contact with . So in this Festival attended by thousands of people both Dennis and I encountered friends from our past and reconnected . So now I have a new phone number and at last an email address for my friend . Did I write this on a scrap of paper or into my address book . No , The computer snob that I am entered her contact information into my new cell phone , that I can email messages from . I love the World Wide Web ! ! ! ! ! ! We went to a playground after the fest ended and the kids got to run amok . We got to catch up on old times and reflect oPosted by Well the kittens are about 2 1 / 2 weeks old . They have open eyes and are walking . If you have never seen a kitten just starting to walk you really need to . Yes , kittens can fall down ! ! ! They have these jerky little steps that they take then all of a sudden BOOM , down they go . It is adorible to watch . It is not like watching a child learning to walk . Maybe because they have four legs and are covered with fur . Of course they have a short stubby tail and they hold it straight out . You never see an adult cat walk that way . The cutest thing is to watch them raect to Brianna . No one else gets this reaction . She gets with in visual range of the kittens and they run to her . Now this is not a cat run . It is a jerky kitten run , but it is fast . It is almost like they are being dragged against their will to her it is so fast . She of course is delighted to have the kittens come to her . Mama cat is not so sure . It is the same for cats as humans . Once the babies become mobile all bets are off . She moves them around trying to keep them hidden . Brianna always manages to find them and they come running . Boomerang just gives me a helpless look and I try to explain that kids will do that , LOL ! ! ! ! Butterscotch ( he looks like butterscotch topping on an ice cream sundae ) is the adventurous one . He is always exploring beyond were mama wants him to go . Simba ( think the baby version of the Lion King ) is a mamas boy . He is happy staying with her . Funny that seems to be like my children . Brianna ( who has claimed Butterscotch as HER kitten ) is the one I caught ridding her bigwheel down the street today . Patrick is the one who is always clinging to me to the point that he climbs behind me on a chair to be with me . Beep , Beep , Beep , Beep . . . The alarm rings it is 7 : 30 am . I hear my son turn it off then some thunks and clucnks . The door opens and the sound of scuffy fast footsteps appear in the hall . Ah a bathroom run . The sound of a flush and then the scuffy fast feet again . My door opens with a blast and JUMP , I am attacked by kisses all over my face . " Mommy , Mommy lets go to school , see I am all dressed , lets go ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " pleads my Kindergartener . I look and see he has dressed himself . The shirt is too small , the shorts are too big and I see he is wearing his black spiderman undies . I am thinking that his classmates may not be ready to see his titey spidies , LOL ! ! ! So I have to break the news to him that he needs to change his clothes . Now Brianna wakes up and I have to get her dressed and both fed . Luckily she wants to wear a pretty dress . Bonus both want Waffles . Just pop them in the toaster and done ! ! ! ! We leave a little earlier than planned to get to school . Only because if I didn 't Patrick quite lickly would have exploded . Ooops I forgot the camera and had to go back for it . We cross the street to start the walk and I could visualize the racing flag being dropped . And there off is what I heard in my head as Patrick took off full of excitement and joy ( why take that away from him prematurly . ) At the corners while he waited for me he was literly just bouncing from all the excitement . We get to school and I manage to get a few pics dispite his pleas to let him go in the building . There is a line of many students and parents . Some are crying some like Patrick just want to get in . It was pretty orderly . We all walk in to the classroom and get him settled . He basically dismissed me . " See you at the end of the day " . SO I walk out and realize I have NO idea what time to pick him up at . I go to the office and find out . 3 : 10 is dismissal time . Glad I checked I thought 3 : 30 , Ooops . So Brianna and I walk home , I get her hair in pigtails , find her backpack and Daddy comes home from work for her first day of school . She just runs in to tPosted by Cheerleading meets 3 nights a week - Monday , Wednesday and Friday from 6 - 8 pm . We begin our " getting ready " routine at roughly 5 - so as to get there at a reasonable time ( a good " pull - through " parking spot means the world to me ) and at about quarter to six , we head up that dusty hill that is the West Seneca Football field . We pitch our chairs and send the girls on their way . ( yes - girls ! Little Loop Cheerleading was the one affordable activity I could involve both of my kids - 6 and 3 - in at the same time . Score one for me on time management ! ) So while the kids are practicing , I use this time to do one ( or many ! ) of several things : Chatting with my playgroup buddies ( the playgroup - I 'll get to that ! ) , Work ( my paid job as a Direct Care provider has me pretty much " on call " to field phone calls from my clients at all times ) , Eat dinner ( I love pizza , but the novelty is quickly wearing off ) and last , focus on yet another undertaking - Brownies . No , not baking them - leading them . So , score 2 for me on time management ! I suppose I could sit and read quietly , but really , what fun would that be ? ! Alrighty - so far we 've logged Cheerleading and Brownie Girl Scouts . . . Both activities that my children can benefit from socially , and enjoy as well ! Did I mention I work ? I do have a " real " job - and I use the term " real " only because I have made other money - making attempts by selling various products at home parties - and I wanted to differentiate between the two . . . and while I really did enjoy what I was doing at the time , I found the time and money I was spending to keep afloat was not worth the hassle . My real job consists of me working for a local agency doing what is called " direct care " . I help " at risk " families and youth deal with their various challenges , as well as provide advocacy for them . It is extremely rewarding , and I truly enjoy every minute . Now , even though I technically work , I have a hard time labeling myself as a " working mom " . I was a stay at home mom from the time I was pregnant with my first until aPosted by What an eventful couple of days we had . First the painted Lady butterflies started emering from their chrysalises . We didn 't even notice it at first . all of a sudden I looked up at the butterfly pavillion hanging over the stairs and there were three butterflies . I am still amazed at how quick the changes happen . We watched the chryalis form for most of them right before our eyes and just as quick they are out . Friday morning I call the vet because our cat is overdue to have her kittens . I only know about when she got pregnant because the Daddy cat broke into our house to get to her . Yes that is right it was a crime of passion , LOL ! ! ! I thought her due date was about the 22nd but gave her a little more time just incase . Well the vet had me bring her in and after a half hour of debating with myself I agreed to a kitty c - section . She got spayed at the same time so I don 't have to worry about this again . Well mama cat wants NOTHING to do with the two babies . They are so cute , orange and white like grandpa and daddy . The kids couldn 't wait to hold them and the look on their face when they finally got the chance was priceless . They were fascinated by how tiny the bottles were . My daughter has become very good already at making meows sound just like the kittens . I mean scary good . The kids have been bouncing off the walls the last few days . I can 't wait until school starts . With both off to school I thought I would have a few quiet hours . Nope , I have to be mama cat . Well at least they are small and much quieter than the kids . Bonus they don 't make as big a mess , at least not yet , LOL ! ! ! My son just turned five . I can 't help but recall when I first saw him . He heard my voice and turned his head to see me . He was looking for him Mommy ! ! ! ! I couldn 't wait to hold him and I remember being so happy ! ! ! ! Now here it is five years later and I still can 't wait to hold him . Next week my baby starts kindergarten and I know I am going to cry . I packed his backpack tonight after he went to bed . The backpack is full and in it seem to be all my hopes and dreams . I hope he grows up to be a gentleman . I dream that he will find the perfect job . What am I going to be like when he graduates ? Soon he meets his teacher and his classmatess . Is he worried about that , NO ? ! ? ! All that concerns him is how lunch is going to work . Where is the cafeteria ? Should he bring or buy ? I am worried about his future and he is just concered about lunch . I wish I was five again and lunch was my largest concern . Today as we celebrated I watched him run among the trees with amamzement . He has gotten so big and so loving . Yes he can make a mess in the length of time it takes me to turn around , but his smile can melt my heart in even less time . He was making up rules of a game and it evolved right before my eyes . The joy on his face as we played along and the giggles I heard as he and his sister played together . I absolutly love and am terrified of being a mommy at the same time . The future scares the pants off me . But the present , the now , as I watch my children grow up and celebrate milestones in their life ( like a fifth birthday and the first day of school with in a week of each other ) I find myself smiling and being so happy . All my life all I wanted was to be a Mommy . Now my dream has come true twice with one loving son and one beautiful daughter . This is all I ever wanted . I hope I live up to both of their expectations . My parents invited us to Fantasy Island . Of course I had to day yes , who turns down a free trip to an amusement park ? Let me start by saying I AM WORN OUT ! ! ! ! ! It is amamzing how not going on the rides and watching your kids have fun can be so tiring , Of course the day started late . We just can never get anywhere on time . Someone always forgets something . I have to admit today it was me . I forgot the all important stroller . What was worse was we never used it , we ended up renting a wagon . I really have to remember to get one . It was so much easier that the stroller . Once we got to the park we found my parents near the front of the long line , see it pays to be late we had less time to wait , LOL ! ! ! Then of course the rest of the family was later than we were . We took a couple laps around the parking lot and finally ran into them . Now we have to figure out what do do first . I hear " Water park , carousel , roller coaster , train , slide , and tilt - a - whirl " ( that was me ) . My parents said lunch and we all said " Okay " . That would come back to haunt my husband after the Tilt - a - Whirl ( guess why I dare you ) . My son went on a couple of rides for the first time and loved them . It is nice that he is getting taller , but he is still a good three inches from riding the " good rides " . Oh the look on his face as he saw the roller coasters . He took it well when he found out he couldn 't ride many of the bigger rides . My daughter however was happiest in her daddy 's arms . Oh how many tears she said after daddy had to walk away ( now known as the Tilt - a - whirl inccident ) . We went into the water park and the only time I managed to get some time with her was when we went on the Lazy River . After that she only had eyes for daddy . Though when grandpa offered her a ride on his scooter she did let go of daddy long enough for that . So now I have sunburn on my nose , spent a fourtune on park food and am achey and tired . My kids are passed out in bed and I am smiling because we all had a great day . The smiles on their faces was worth all the aggrevation anPosted by I was cleaning tonight when my husband comes in looking for our camera . I of course ( being nosey ) want to know what the kids are doing ( or who is walking by , LOL ) . He tells me they are sharing and getting along ! ! ! ! GASPThat can 't be I think . Well I don 't know where the camera is so I go outside to witness the event for myself . I find them sharing old garden pots and putting rocks in them . Well at least they are not throwing the rocks at each other not making a mess . I notice some weeds in the garden and start weeding . Well now my daughter decides she wants to help . Now help from my two year old in the garden is grabbing any randon plant that catches her eye and picking it . Lately that has been my pretty flowers . She completly ignores the weeds and even when I direct her to something I want picked she is bound and determined to destroy my flowers ! ! ! ! The prettty yellow flowers ( I have no idea what they are called as they were gifts and I have no memory ) today were her victims of choice . One poor bud just about to open was just snatched off the stem . Of course she is so proud of herself and loving that she is " helping " mommy that it is so hard to look into that happy face and burst her bubble . But I do , LOL ! ! ! I have to get her interested in something else . Do I pick the rock sorting that her brother is doing ( that can only stay harmless for so long I think ) or have my husband , who started the whole thing with his camera quest anyway , to distract her . Husband it is ! ! ! They end up going inside and now my son is noticing it is just me and him . " Mommy , are we both doing ' Dirty Jobs ' ( he is obsessed with that show - Gotta love Mike Rowe ) ? Yes I tell him , because he of course is still nicely playing with the rocks . He then asks me if I like doing " Dirty Jobs " , of couse I do I am a Mommy arn 't I . " Mommy isn 't it nice that we are both doing " Dirty Jobs " together ? " , " Mommy can we always do " Dirty Jobs together ? " After answering all his " Dirty Job " questions I am done withthe garden and notice the time . Ah my favorite time of dayPosted by I wake up this morning to my son giving me kisses . How nice I think . I ask him if my daughter had woken up and to my delight he said no . " Ah , some peace " I think so I ask him to watch TV and not to make a mess ( I know I should have known better , especially with my son ! ! ! ) . He says okay and I see him and hear the TV turn on . I snuggle in my bed for a minute I think and roll over to two children covered in white and giggling . Never a good sign ! ! ! Patrick now tried to grab my leg as I rush out of the bedroom telling me about my " new rug " Again not what I want to hear ! ! ! I go into the livingroom and see my blue carpet now white ! ! ! OMG ! ! ! ! So as I sit on my couch watching my oldest vaccum my rug sobbing about how he won 't make anymore messes ( like I haven 't heard that before ) I think to myself how nice it is that he is now old enough to do a decent job of cleaning up his messes . Soon the carpet is blue again and I make breakfast . Yes all this before my coffee ! ! ! ! After breakfast we get birdseed ready to fill our bird feeder . Patrick uses the hose to clean and fill the bird bath and I plant my Mums from my Tenth Anniversary . It adds some nice color to the yard . Brianna thinks she is helping me and I now see a carpet of yellow and orange petals on my walkway . I hope the flowers can survive her help . Later we see a flock of birds settle into the yard . We see Red Winged Blackbirds , Doves , Sparrows and Black Capped Chickadees . This is the first time I have seen Red Winged Blackbirds in our yard . Brianna is so excited to see them and is facinated to watch them drinking . Both children now are snuggling with me and hugging me and telling me how much they love me . I give them lunch and can only hope my afternoon will be more like after breakfast than before . So my day started out down but the rest of the day was so nice I almost forgot about the flour . I wonder what the fascination my children have with flour and my livingroom rug . I am pretty sure that the recipe will be icky anytime you add carpet . |
14 Replies Andrew heaved a sigh of relief . It had been a busy night but now the bar was empty and he was looking forward to cashing out and going home . Not bad for a summer gig but it was exhausting work . As he turned around to polish down the bar one more time he noticed a man sitting at the end . " Hey man I didn 't see you sitting there , sorry about that . What can I get you ? " Andrew looked expectantly at the man and wondered if he 'd seen him somewhere before . He looked familiar . Andrew hurried to comply . The sooner this guy drank up his beer the sooner Andrew could get out of here . As the bartender turned back to his patron he noticed the man looking at the five shots of rum that were always kept at the end of the bar . Ever a friendly sort Andrew proceeded to explain . " There 's a cool story about those shots of rum . The original owner of the bar and his four shipmates went down at sea in a storm . These are to honour them . Cool story don 't you think ? " Andrew expected this patron to react the way everyone else did : to smile and then to go on to talk about something else . No one likes to talk about death too often it 's , well , depressing . " It was ' na cool , it was cold . Bitterly cold . You have ' na got the story right . " The person speaking barely raised his head and he spoke so quietly that Andrew had to stop what he was doing and pay attention . " Only four died that night . Tonight . 100 years ago tonight there was a storm . They thought they were safe . They anchored in a small bay and left one on watch to make sure everything was okay . Everything wasn 't okay . It was cold . Just one quick little sip of gin would warm you up . Problem is one little sip ended up becoming a whole bottle . It was a bugger of storm . But sailors are used to sleeping when the boat rolls . They count on their shipmate on watch to let them know if there 's any danger . But he fell asleep . Too much grog . When the big wave hit he got tossed into the drink . Saved his life . Shipmates were asleep below deck . The sea took ' em . The sea doesn 't give back what she takes . She 's a jealous mistress . " The man looked up and Andrew could see his face and realized that he was an old man . He looked broken and sad . Andrew looked a little more closely and realized where he 'd seen his face before . He took a step back and watched . " Insurance money paid for this bar and its name tells the story of what happened that night : The Broken Anchor . One man survived and lived with the guilt of what he had done . He lived and for the next 40 years made a toast to his four shipmates every night with four tots of rum . Their ghosts can 't drink them but everybody should know how they died . " " Cecil . His name was Cecil . I remember now . He was buried at sea . When he died he asked that the name of the bar never be changed and a measure of rum be added to the others so that there are now five . I love the history of the area and that one is definitely one for the books . Man that is so cool ! You must be a relative , you look just like the picture in the office . " Andrew was excited and turned away to grab a pen and a piece paper to write down this newfound knowledge . When he turned back the party he had been speaking to was gone . There was water pooling on the stool and the floor . There was another damp spot on the bar along with a piece of seaweed and an empty shot glass . At that precise moment he heard the local church bell ring 2 o ' clock in the morning . Gusts of wind rattled the panes of glass in the front window and Andrew for just a moment was sure he heard several men singing . He couldn 't quite make out the words but was pretty sure he heard the name Cecil B . That was the name of the boat ! Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged fear , ghost story , passage of time , perception , short story , whimsy on June 18 , 2017 by quiall . Dream Walker 15 Replies Have you ever awoken from a deep sleep with your lips pulsating as if from a lover 's kiss ? Have you ever been alone in the middle of the night and yet awoken gasping and wet as if from an intimate embrace ? Dreams . In the middle of the night our defences are at their weakest . We cannot protect ourselves from the dreams that enter our minds when we are asleep . The experts say that we dream constantly , that our minds are solving complex problems that we cannot contend with when conscious . That would explain many dreams but not all of them . Some people do not remember their dreams . Some awaken feeling as if something wonderful has happened but they have no recollection of what . Others awaken with the dream intact . Dreams are not reality . Or are they ? What if they are manifestations of a different reality ? What if dreams are engineered by a person or persons with more powerful minds than the average dreamer ? What if . . . . . Jeremy laid his head on the pillow . He sighed . It had been an exhausting day and he needed his sleep desperately . Preferably eight blissfully uninterrupted hours of unconsciousness . Then he could start this nonsense all over again . His eyes closed , his body relaxed . There was a gentle breeze wafting through the glen . That seemed to keep the temperature comfortable although he couldn 't actually feel it . He knew it was there by watching the long grasses moving as if to a gentle love ballad . Jeremy didn 't know where he was . He did know that he was at peace here ; the rest of the world was far away and unimportant . And then he saw her . A tall slender figure slowly materialized out of the dense forest . They say that beauty is quantifiable , that there are certain effects that are the difference between beautiful and merely attractive . They say that our visual understanding is predicated on our past experiences and that our interpretation of what we see is primal . Jeremy had no words to speak or even to think of as she walked towards him . His body betrayed him ; he leaned forward as if to embrace her and she stopped . Even the words she spoke touched his heart as if a gentle kiss brushed his lips . He waited . His breath came quicker as he watched her . He wanted her . He wanted to embrace her . He wanted to rest his head on her lap like a child and feel safe . He did feel safe . He felt as if this is where he was meant to be . Anna didn 't want to fall asleep , yet she felt the strong pull of her bed . She had been up too long , working too hard on too many projects . She needed the relief of nothingness , the mindless abandonment of sleep . She turned out the lights and rolled into a more comfortable position . Anna sighed . The elevator doors opened quickly , she darted inside . She had to be in time , she had to catch him . With a slight jolt the elevator began it 's decent . Ninety floors , it would take too long , she had to stop him . Anna glanced at the floor indicator , it was moving as if in a free fall . Bullet Elevator . She remembered . It was the new Bullet Elevator that moved three times faster than the fastest elevator in use . She was going to make it . Before she had finished her next thought , the elevator doors opened on the ground floor and Anna began looking for him , the man she cared for . She knew he was headed for the parking lot and it was a bit of a walk . There were two routes he could take : underground via a shopping concourse or outside across a courtyard and a street . There was a turnstile ahead and a tall , slender woman taking tickets . Tickets ! Anna didn 't have a ticket . She looked down at her hand and at the necessary ticket . The slender woman smiled as she accepted the ticket . Anna moved quickly , she would catch John and everything would be all right . Car fumes , she could smell car fumes . Madelaine tried to turn over . She was lying on her side and she was painfully aware of the very hard surface beneath her . What the hell was she doing in a parking garage ? That 's where she was , an underground parking garage . Sue . She was here with Sue . They were practicing with the sword . Why ? Sue had purchased a very old sword of some obscure parentage and she wanted to practice with it . Her apartment held too many breakables to risk swinging a potentially deadly weapon so the garage it was . Kidnapped ! She remembered , Sue has been kidnapped ! She had to reach a phone , call the police , but there was still one of the kidnappers in the garage . A woman , a tall , slender woman and she had a gun . Madelaine was the target , she had tried to protect Sue and now she was in trouble . She was hiding beneath a car , she was frightened , confused . There were footsteps coming towards her , they stopped . Madelaine held her breath . 5 : 00 am came much too early in the morning to suit Madelaine but it was what her job required . It hadn 't been a restful night . She had a nagging head ache behind her eyes and she was exhausted . Madeline sighed , someone had to be at the office first and she had been nominated . Oh well , it paid the bills . Do you ever awakened from a dream and wonder about the people you have just met ? You swear you have never seen them before and yet they are familiar to you . Does the same person show up in many of your dreams , sort of a recurring figure and yet you don 't know them , or do you ? Is it a tall slender woman with a warm smile or perhaps a solid , stocky man with a glint in his eye ? Maybe both . What actually happens in our dreams ? It is almost like entertainment . Entertainment for whom ? Is it for our benefit or for someone else 's , someone with the ability to insert themselves into our minds and follow or perhaps control our dreams ? Interesting thought . Oh and pleasant dreams . Maybe I 'll see you there . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged believe , challenges , perception , short story , whimsy on May 21 , 2017 by quiall . April 's Showers 13 Replies Ok , so , yes I seemed to have posted this every year since I started posting . but . . . I like it . And I have had a rough week . I caught an infection and then bruised my . . er . . bum which makes everything hurtful ! So I am wimping out and posting , again , my April story . Stay tuned for next week when I wax philosophically on Reality TV . Hee hee hee ! She hated her name , she hated this month , and above all she hated this rain ! April clutched her handbag a little tighter to her chest as well as her slightly damp newspaper . It was just a few more steps before she could get out of this relentless rain and into her nice , warm coffee shop . With a sigh April sat down at her usual table and smiled at the waitress . She knew what April always ordered and she would bring her a coffee and a warm croissant just like yesterday , and the day before , and the day before that . When her coffee arrived April wrapped her chilly hands around the cup and breathed in the hot steaming aroma of freshly brewed coffee . It was coffee , it wasn 't a Grande non - fat latte with soy milk and half fat hazelnut vanilla shavings or something else bizarre . It was just coffee : good , old , black , strong coffee . For the first time that day she sighed and allowed herself to relax . This was the time of day April enjoy above all else . She could sit and relax over her cup of coffee , she could read the paper , and she could think about the day 's events : what she wanted to do , what she should do , and what she had done . As she was sipping her coffee and nibbling on her croissant the door opened and with it came a nasty , cold wet wind . And all April could do was think about how much she hated this month and shiver . The person that came through the door and intruded on April 's musing was a man . Physically he was an attractive man : tall , well - built , muscular . But he had one glaring imperfection : he was smiling ! The first words out of his mouth were the dreaded words that April had been hearing her whole life : " April showers bring May flowers ! " The man smiled and shook his umbrella causing more drops of cold water to infest the room . " I would like a cup of very hot , very strong , very ordinary coffee , if I may . " " I must admit I absolutely love the April showers . " The man positively exuded well - being . " The rain washes the world clean and leaves it smelling like spring . What could be more uplifting than a rainy day in spring ? " The waitress behind the counter chuckled to herself . She glanced over at April knowing full well that April was not a happy person in the morning and she didn 't enjoy other people being happy in the morning either . It seemed to interfere with her most comfortable state of miserable . If the gentleman in question had simply picked up his coffee and exited the café , the day would have continued in exactly the same manner as it always had . But this gentleman decided to stay and enjoy his coffee . He looked around the room and saw only one customer . Like a predator sensing fresh meat he moved towards April 's table . April looked up , too shocked to actually say anything . For the first time in her life her mind was blank . There was no witty retort on the tip of her tongue to spew forth and lash at this intrusive stranger . All she could do was stare and hope that the disdain on her face was clearly visible . April couldn 't stop staring . She knew that in polite company she should smile demurely and offer him her name . But she couldn 't do it . If she told him her name he would say what a thousand other people have said to her in that same happy tone : ' April showers bring May flowers ! ' She hated her name ! She did consider coming up with an alias on the spot , something like Hermione or Persephone . But she couldn 't do it . She sighed , it was her lot in life and she was honest enough to accept the consequences . As she said her name , April looked down at her coffee , her half eaten croissant and her unopened paper . She didn 't want to see the look on his face as he said those horrible words she had grown to hate . But one second turned in to two and then three and still he said nothing . So April raised her head and looked at him . " I know what it 's like to have a name that is used in other contexts . I get called the bill collector , or asked if I have heard the joke about the Billboard . I could use the named William but it gives people pleasure to make silly little jokes about my name and it doesn 't cost me anything . People need a little silly in their lives and I am actually quite honoured that I can put a smile on someone 's face . It does get a little tedious sometimes but it 's still a smile . April grimaced , " I find it tedious all the time ! The rain is unceasing . The damp makes my hair frizzy , my clothes get wet , my feet are constantly cold and for someone to come up to me and sing that silly song about showers and May flowers it 's horrible ! " " Actually I think it 's quite wonderful that you remind people of the beauty that comes about because of the rain in April . You could say you 're an icon that helps people to remember the beauty that 's out there and that will soon be all around us because it 's the beginning of spring . I would think you 'd be quite pleased . " " How can you be so happy with such horrible things going on in the world ? People are dying in other countries for political agendas we can 't fully understand . People are getting mugged on the street for $ 20 in their wallet . There are starving children in this city not just in other countries of the world and we sit here drinking our coffee as if nothing was wrong . How can you justify that ? " Bill 's smile wavered just a fraction and he shook his head . " You can never justify the horrible things that are going on in the world . You can support the agencies that help those who are most in need . And you can honour those who are fighting to protect our way of life . You can live your life to the fullest and never forget that there were those who gave up their lives so that you and I could sit here and drink a cup of coffee in relative peace and security . " April grasped her almost empty coffee cup tighter , her croissant and paper completely forgotten . " I can 't just shut off my mind with all the horrible things that are going on outside that door . " April was exasperated that this man didn 't understand . What right did she have to be happy ? Bill stared at this obviously distraught woman . There was more wrong here than just an individual 's dislike of a song . She was so caught up in what was wrong , evil , and hateful that she was missing the most important thing of all . He couldn 't leave this woman wallowing in this state , he had to open her eyes and make her see . " April , I have just met you . Out of the blue I chose to walk into this café to sit at this table and to speak to you . Don 't you find it interesting that I would choose to come in today ? I 've walked by this café , a hundred times and never thought twice about coming in . But today of all days , I did . Maybe it was the rain that brought me in . Maybe you and I were meant to meet . Maybe in 50 years we will be telling our grandchildren about how I picked you up in a café . " Bill 's smile was quite lopsided at this point . At first April was too stunned to respond . But somewhere deep inside her she did respond to this very strange , very attractive man . Somewhere deep inside her a smile was trying to burst through . April was almost smiling . Her hands were clutched around her coffee cup as if she was holding onto an anchor , trying desperately not to give in . She took a sip , and then looked up at her table companion . " You are absolutely right April , we can never forget what horrible things are going on in this world . But it 's also very important that we never forget what an incredible world we actually have . There are good people here . Everywhere you turn . We should never turn a blind eye to what is bad in the world . In the same token , we must never turn a blind eye or be afraid to acknowledge that beautiful things exist . The simple act of the sun rising in the morning and its rays reflecting off the dew on a rose petal should make us give thanks . " April looked at this strange man , this strange intruder , and she did smile . Maybe he was right . Maybe we need to be aware of the bad things in the world and focus on the good . It was raining today and it was cold . Maybe tomorrow the sun would shine . Maybe today was not the best of all days , but tomorrow might be . Maybe the showers did bring something good , something positive . There 's another song that April thought of at that moment . She didn 't remember the name of the song or who sang it . But there was one line : “. . . accentuate the positive . " That was a good thought . Just at that moment , the rain stopped , and a ray of sunshine poked through the clouds . The sun and the rain work hand - in - hand . Just like we all should . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , inspirational , perception , positive changes , short story on April 2 , 2017 by quiall . Smugglers ' Cove . . . Between 9 Replies Because of some SERIOUS requests I have written another chapter for Smuggler 's Cove . If you insist on another one I may comply but I will kill them . . . horribly ! hee hee hee The surface of the river was still , almost glass like . Looking deep you could see the current running swiftly down stream . Hungry birds circled overhead , looking for a meal . A small fish leapt above the safety of the river narrowly missing becoming lunch . For a moment the world was quiet . " John ! Help ! I can 't . . . " For only a few seconds a woman 's head broke the surface before she was dragged back down into the darkness . The unforgiving depths do not like to give back . Mere seconds behind the struggling woman was a man in a canoe . The terror on his face spoke volumes . More time went by as he searched for any sign of this woman that had enchanted his heart , his soul . He had to find her ! Two gentle souls had found each other in an out - of - way park and without meaning to , had fallen in love . John could not believe they would be separated so soon after finding each other . He felt the tears at the back of his eyes welling . His shoulders ached from the desperate paddling , his eyes searching for his heart . When the canoe was within reach John jumped out next to the body of his beloved . Immediately he felt the water dragging at his clothes , determined to pull him down . The canoe , caught by another branch , floated nearby . John 's hands trembled , unsure , desperate to know . With that almost imperceptible movement John reacted . His training took over his actions . He checked her pulse : strong . Breathing : shallow but steady . Pupils : reactive . Small contusion on forehead . She was safe to move . She needed to be warm and monitored . He needed to check for other possible injuries . The next few minutes became a blur . John was able to disentangle Anna and get her to shore . It may only have been a few feet but it felt like miles . He made sure she was safe and returned for the canoe . Those supplies could make the difference between living and dying . It took a little time but John was able to make a fire , make Anna comfortable and put water on to boil . He cleaned her wounds . They were minor and should pose no future problems . Her breathing was stronger but still she slept . John agonized over whether to leave her to find help or to stay . A little tea should help . While he busied himself with the mundane tasks of finding the tea and cups he was able to calm down . They would survive this . She would survive this . His head was down , diligently measuring tea leaves into a strainer when he heard a sound . He quickly looked to Anna , still she slumbered . He raised his eyes to the forest a few meters away . His heart stopped . There , just beside a very full tree was the largest wolf he had ever seen . John had seen hundreds in his years in the Parks Services but never one this close and this . . . alive . He was afraid to breath ! And then it moved . Wolves have a reputation as efficient killers , vicious animals that maul the unwary for fun . Nothing could be further from the truth . Wolves are intelligent pack animals who care deeply for their young and avoid people as much as possible . And yet here was a magnificent specimen silently staring at . . . Anna ? Normally an adversary keeps his eyes on an opponent but that didn 't seem to be the case here . Why ? Before John had finished his thought the wolf took a step forward and then another . Then it did the strangest thing : it sat . With it 's head cocked to one side and it 's tongue hanging out it look just like a family pet . John sat back on his heals . The movement didn 't disturb the wolf at all . It 's gaze never left Anna . It didn 't seem to be aggressive , more . . . supportive ? Was John dreaming ? After what seemed to be hours the wolf slowly returned to the forest . At that moment the water started boiling furiously . John was reminded of his duties and returned to them . The hours did pass . John tried to stay awake to tend to the fire and to worry about the wolf but the inevitable did happen . The stress , fear and fatigue took hold and John slept . Someone 's dog ? John came awake in a hurry with that comment . He looked towards the sound of his beloved 's voice and saw her with a huge wolf gently accepting her ministrations . She was petting him and tugging at his ears and he seemed to like it ! " I had such awful dreams and then I felt this warmth embrace me . I felt such love . Then I felt a wet tongue on my face and it was Samson . He sat by me while you slept . I think he was keeping an eye on us both . John started to laugh . It was so abrupt that both Anna and Samson were startled . Then they both joined in . Or , at least one did , the other gave the impression he was enjoying the process . John grinned at the two of them . A wild animal and a beautiful writer . What could be more incongruous and more appropriate ? Perhaps Anna would write about a tame wolf named Samson in their new life . He would find an out - of - the - way park in which to work and Anna would write stories for children . All would be well . They had each other . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged adventure , challenges , communication , love story , short story on March 19 , 2017 by quiall . Smuggler 's Cove . . . again 14 Replies Anita sat back , she was tired but she still smiled as she remembered . Today was an anniversary of sorts . Thirty one years ago today she was reborn . She remembered the woman she had been , fondly . Actually , if she had not been the woman she was then , she would not be the woman she was today . With a quiet chuckle Anita stood up and approached the bed where the object of her remembrances lay sleeping . She laid a gentle hand on his brow and he stirred for just a moment . But his breathing was deep , he would not wake for some time yet . So she sat back down and once again remembered . ' John cupped her face in his hand , her beautiful face . She wore no make - up , she didn 't need any . There was no artifice to her . Everything she felt showed on her face . Right now it showed her dismay at alarming people and something else . John wondered what she was thinking , feeling . He took her elbow and helped her to stand . ' It was at that moment that the woman , who used to be known as Anna , knew her destiny . This man was her future . She once swore that she would never allow another man to get too close to her heart . But John had sneaked in under her radar . And she was glad . John too was having an epiphany . As he helped her to stand he could feel the weight of her heart in his hands . John knew that his future rested with this woman . Anita sighed and shook her head . It had all happened so quickly . Without a word the two had gripped hands and decided to leave together . The woman who was Anna had never considered herself spontaneous . But here in the blink of an eye she was running away from a life that she had , with a man that she barely knew . But her heart was full and her conscience was clear . John too was leaving behind nothing that meant anything to him . He was not running away from life , he was running to it and taking with him all that had meaning . All those years ago John had already been planning his escape . He loved the park , he really did , but he could never escape who he really was . Jonathan Edward Bellamy III was a curse , an albatross that John wore around his neck . So to that end John had been preparing for his escape for many months . Money had been secreted away , a temporary hideaway had been prepared , and all that was still needed was a push . Anna provided the final reason . So the two left the park quietly in a canoe that John kept in Smugglers Cove . " John ? John ? " The concern in her voice was evident , but there was no response from the object of her concern . She felt his brow and it was cool , not fevered as it had been for several days . Anita was sure the danger had now passed . She wanted to weep as a release for her pent up fears . She had been so afraid she was going to lose him : this man she had loved for thirty - one years . On one side of the room was a slight , red haired lady with her hands firmly planted on her hips and a scowl on her face . On the other side of the room was a tall , pale man who was still recovering from a recent illness . The battle of wills was about to be waged and there was little doubt as to the victor . " Okay , okay , you win ! I promise to avoid marathons and mountain climbing for at least a month . Just remove the scowl from that beautiful face , please ? " " John . . . " Anita spoke lowly and crossed the room to put her arms around her patient . " I was so very afraid , I can 't lose you . " It hadn 't always been easy but the one thing they never lost sight of was each other . That first night in the canoe had been amusing . They were acting like high school students , running away . It was a bit tricky canoeing with a cane and she would not give up her laptop computer , but they managed . They only had to go a few miles by canoe and in some ways it was quite exciting . She never regretted what she had done . She did always wondered what everyone thought about the two of them . They slept for the first night in an old rundown cottage that someone had left unlocked . Or perhaps John was just good at breaking and entering , she didn 't ask . It had taken them almost a week of traveling to finally reach their hideaway . John had planned well . There was a vehicle , there was food , and there was a place to sleep . Of course he had only planned on one person on the run not two , but they made do . Perhaps the first month was the most difficult . They had to discover each other and had to come to terms with the lives they had left behind . Anita felt that she had not left anything important behind but she thought John had . After all he came from a family with money and position , how you give that up ? But John thought about it differently . He hated who he had been and by definition the people who had forced him to be that person . But he had prepared well . They chose new identities and set about planning their life together . But there was always one thing in the back in Anita 's mind : returning to Smugglers Cove . The money John had saved only lasted a few months but both were prepared to work to support their new lives . Perhaps it was nostalgia , perhaps it was guilt but Anita chose to write children 's stories that were quite successful . John once again took a position in an out of the way park . They had what they needed in life and they had each other . It was a good life . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , love , passage of time , perception , short story on February 19 , 2017 by quiall . Smuggler 's Cove 13 Replies Jonathan Edward Bellamy III . A name destined to sit in the Supreme Court after a spotless career as a criminal lawyer , or perhaps the head of a multi - national banking conglomerate with a profit margin in the tens of millions . Well perhaps Jonathan might have gone that route but not John . John was sitting in a ten year old truck wondering if his rent cheque was going to bounce , and that truck was sitting on a mountain pass that overlooked a pristine national park which that Supreme Court judge would kill to see . John figured he was the wealthier of the two . Being born into a wealthy and prominent family brought with it a great many obligations that John had always balked at . People who knew he came from money were either anxious to be his new best friend or hated him for his presumed privileges . It had been hard trying to fit into that world . John didn 't like the phoney debutants or their mothers trying to make ' good ' matches for them . He just didn 't belong to that world . He belonged here , where the air was fresh , the people were real and where one worried about rent cheques . When John walked away from the privileged life he also walked away from his wealth . That was fine with him . Money should be earned not inherited . Today John was thinking about that rent cheque but he was also thinking about the tourists . Today was the first day of summer vacation and it had always been a trial in the park . High School kids brought booze , which was banned , and College kids brought drugs , which were worse . Parents brought small children and expected the Rangers and Park Attendants to be babysitters . Couples brought their pets and were indignant when they were turned away . They didn 't seem to understand that this was a Wild Lands Park with wild animals , animals that might mistake ' Spot ' for lunch . It had happened . Not often fortunately . It really was amazing just how dumb some people could be . It was almost time . The Park opened at 10 am and it was almost that now . John turned his ignition on and started for the main gates . It wasn 't all bad ; there were a lot of good , decent people who genuinely wanted to learn about the bears , the deer , and the other inhabitants of the forest . They were the ones that made everything worthwhile . As John approached the main gates he could see the people waiting patiently for the gates to open . Not everyone was waiting patiently of course : he could see a couple of cars of what appeared to be college students . We had better flag that group . Maybe they will turn out to be biology students with a real love for the forest and it 's inhabitants , and maybe not . John heaved a quiet sigh ; it could be a long summer . He watched the cars entering the park . Movement near the lodge caught his eye . Red . Specifically : red hair , long silky , red hair . It belonged to a single woman who had booked a month at the lodge that was adjacent to the park . She was quite a looker Miss Anna Wilson . Now there was an interesting story . Young , attractive , women did not spend a month at an out of the way park alone . She didn 't seem to be meeting anyone and she wandered the forest trails quite often . Always alone . She used a cane and carried a laptop computer . Why ? Jessica at the lodge said she was a very nice , quiet woman . She seemed sad some how . What was she running from ? She had been here a week and John had spoken to her often , going out of his way to do so . She was intelligent , but not forthcoming about her past . Everyone was entitled to their privacy . Except John was curious . It had been a very long week . There was the two year old who had burrowed underneath the showers rather successfully . That took a couple of hours and several staff members to bring to a satisfactory conclusion . Mom wanted to go home NOW . Then there was the diamond necklace that went missing . Why anyone would bring an expensive bauble to a park went beyond dumb . It was located in the husband 's jacket pocket . He was playing a trick on his wife . As for those college students , they really were here to study the local flora and fauna . Unfortunately they were also studying the effects of some of their own personal flora , which was definitely illegal . They agreed to leave quietly , without the illegal plants . Another one for the burn pile . John stood at the top of the trail and looked down . It was steep , an awkward climb even for him . There was no way a woman with a cane could manoeuvre down to the cove . It was one of John 's favourite spots . Here , alone , he could think without any interruptions from tourists . He scanned the small beach and started to turn away . Out of the corner of his eye he caught a shape that did not belong . It was a woman . A woman with red hair and she wasn 't moving . Her hair was splayed out behind her as if she had fallen backwards . John started to run . It took him a full minute to reach her but she didn 't move . He looked for signs of an injury and softly called her name once , twice , three times . She stirred , eyes sleepy . She stretched like a cat . John sat back on his heels and pulled out his cell phone . " Looking for you . " John snapped . He was angry . This blasted woman had the unmitigated gall to make him fall in love with her , to disappear for a full day and then not even have the decency to be injured or , or , whatever . He had been worried sick and she was fine . " John , did you know about this spot ? It 's wonderful ! It is quiet and serene . I have been able to write here so easily , it is almost as if . . . . John ? What 's wrong ? " " Anna you have been gone for almost 7 hours . Jessica is worried sick . Rangers have been out looking for you ever since you failed to show up at the lodge for lunch . And how the hell did you get down here anyway ? " As he spoke John 's voice grew in volume until he was almost shouting and his teeth were clenched . Anna smiled . She tried to hide her grin but failed miserably . Of course this made John even angrier . She stopped listening to his lecture on the dangers of the Park and instead watched his face . It was a good face , clean - shaven with a slight nick under his jaw line . He was probably distracted this morning , thinking about the latest batch of tourists . He was always concerned that each individual reap the most from their stay at the campgrounds . He wanted everyone to love the park as he did , just as she had come to do . Anna had come to the park to escape her life . She didn 't want to end her life she just didn 't want to live it any more . Yes John had a good face , strong , his eyes were brown , a deep inviting brown . And his body , well … . Yes he was definitely nice to look at and his voice , well he could read a phone book out loud and still enthral a crowd . At least a crowd of one . Anna stopped smiling . Was she falling in love with this paragon of manhood ? She could not allow that . That was a dangerous trail she would never venture down again . John cupped her face in his hand , her beautiful face . She wore no make - up , she didn 't need any . There was no artifice to her . Everything she felt showed on her face . Right now it showed her dismay at alarming people and something else . John wondered what she was thinking , feeling . He took her elbow and helped her to stand . John looked at this woman that he had come to care for . They were both lonely people looking to escape their lives . Perhaps they were both here on this spot for a reason . Coach Adamson wondered if he was doing the right thing bringing these boys to this park for the weekend . They didn 't know what had happened here , on this spot , thirty - eight years ago . Actually no one really knew what happened . Two people were gone . What they had found all those years ago was an abandoned truck and a sweater that had belonged to a park visitor . His father 's little sister . Had two lonely people run away together or had an accident claimed their lives ? Coach looked out at the river , now shrouded in darkness . He had been warned that the currents near the centre of the river could be deadly . Had they been thirty - eight years ago ? " The Ranger you were just talking to with that hot chick . Wow I guess there are perks to working in an out of the way Park like this ! The boys laughed and turned back to their fire and their questionable jokes . The Coach turned back to look at the water 's edge . He saw clearly in the sand the imprint of a man 's feet and right beside them a smaller pair : a woman 's . He look out into darkness , they were here . . . again . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , differences , hope , love , short story on February 12 , 2017 by quiall . TELL ME A TALE IN 120 WORDS 5 Replies I thought I would try TELL ME A TALE IN 120 WORDS . Without the prompt , the story is 120 words . Hey ! Me being pithy ! Go figure . Check it out : https : / / rantingalong . wordpress . com I tried to scream , fear had closed my throat . My mouth stretched in horror . I could feel it 's breath like a furnace licking at my eyes . I was caught . Something had gripped me tight . I couldn 't get free . Help me , please ! I don 't want to die ! I tried to force air into my starving lungs . It hurt so much . The tears sliding out of my eyes dried almost immediately . I couldn 't even cry . No . No ! I would fight ! I will not submit ! I dragged hot air into my lungs and with a burst of adrenalin I lunged forward ! Freedom ! I wrestled that pillow and the fearsome blankets that had held prisoner , to their defeat . I was free . I would sleep . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged # PROMPT , # TMAT120 , short story , Two on a Rant , writing on February 2 , 2017 by quiall . Dream Walker 6 Replies Have you ever awoken from a deep sleep with your lips pulsating as if from a lover 's kiss ? Have you ever been alone in the middle of the night and yet awoken gasping and wet as if from an intimate embrace ? Dreams . In the middle of the night our defences are at their weakest . We cannot protect ourselves from the dreams that enter our minds when we are asleep . The experts say that we dream constantly , that our minds are solving complex problems that we cannot contend with when conscious . That would explain many dreams but not all of them . Some people do not remember their dreams . Some awaken feeling as if something wonderful has happened but they have no recollection of what . Others awaken with the dream intact . Dreams are not reality . Or are they ? What if they are manifestations of a different reality ? What if dreams are engineered by a person or persons with more powerful minds than the average dreamer ? What if . . . . . Jeremy laid his head on the pillow . He sighed . It had been an exhausting day and he needed his sleep desperately . Preferably eight blissfully uninterrupted hours of unconsciousness . Then he could start this nonsense all over again . His eyes closed , his body relaxed . There was a gentle breeze wafting through the glen . That seemed to keep the temperature comfortable although he couldn 't actually feel it . He knew it was there by watching the long grasses moving as if to a gentle love ballad . Jeremy didn 't know where he was . He did know that he was at peace here ; the rest of the world was far away and unimportant . And then he saw her . A tall slender figure slowly materialized out of the dense forest . They say that beauty is quantifiable , that there are certain effects that are the difference between beautiful and merely attractive . They say that our visual understanding is predicated on our past experiences and that our interpretation of what we see is primal . Jeremy had no words to speak or even to think of as she walked towards him . His body betrayed him ; he leaned forward as if to embrace her and she stopped . Even the words she spoke touched his heart as if a gentle kiss brushed his lips . He waited . His breath came quicker as he watched her . He wanted her . He wanted to embrace her . He wanted to rest his head on her lap like a child and feel safe . He did feel safe . He felt as if this is where he was meant to be . Anna didn 't want to fall asleep , yet she felt the strong pull of her bed . She had been up too long , working too hard on too many projects . She needed the relief of nothingness , the mindless abandonment of sleep . She turned out the lights and rolled into a more comfortable position . Anna sighed . The elevator doors opened quickly , she darted inside . She had to be in time , she had to catch him . With a slight jolt the elevator began it 's decent . Ninety floors , it would take too long , she had to stop him . Anna glanced at the floor indicator , it was moving as if in a free fall . Bullet Elevator . She remembered . It was the new Bullet Elevator that moved three times faster than the fastest elevator in use . She was going to make it . Before she had finished her next thought , the elevator doors opened on the ground floor and Anna began looking for him , the man she cared for . She knew he was headed for the parking lot and it was a bit of a walk . There were two routes he could take : underground via a shopping concourse or outside across a courtyard and a street . There was a turnstile ahead and a tall , slender woman taking tickets . Tickets ! Anna didn 't have a ticket . She looked down at her hand and at the necessary ticket . The slender woman smiled as she accepted the ticket . Anna moved quickly , she would catch John and everything would be all right . Car fumes , she could smell car fumes . Madelaine tried to turn over . She was lying on her side and she was painfully aware of the very hard surface beneath her . What the hell was she doing in a parking garage ? That 's where she was , an underground parking garage . Sue . She was here with Sue . They were practicing with the sword . Why ? Sue had purchased a very old sword of some obscure parentage and she wanted to practice with it . Her apartment held too many breakables to risk swinging a potentially deadly weapon so the garage it was . Kidnapped ! She remembered , Sue has been kidnapped ! She had to reach a phone , call the police , but there was still one of the kidnappers in the garage . A woman , a tall , slender woman and she had a gun . Madelaine was the target , she had tried to protect Sue and now she was in trouble . She was hiding beneath a car , she was frightened , confused . There were footsteps coming towards her , they stopped . Madelaine held her breath . 5 : 00 am came much too early in the morning to suit Madelaine but it was what her job required . It hadn 't been a restful night . She had a nagging head ache behind her eyes and she was exhausted . Madeline sighed , someone had to be at the office first and she had been nominated . Oh well , it paid the bills . Do you ever awakened from a dream and wonder about the people you have just met ? You swear you have never seen them before and yet they are familiar to you . Does the same person show up in many of your dreams , sort of a recurring figure and yet you don 't know them , or do you ? Is it a tall slender woman with a warm smile or perhaps a solid , stocky man with a glint in his eye ? Maybe both . What actually happens in our dreams ? It is almost like entertainment . Entertainment for whom ? Is it for our benefit or for someone else 's , someone with the ability to insert themselves into our minds and follow or perhaps control our dreams ? Interesting thought . Oh and pleasant dreams . Maybe I 'll see you there . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , dreams , intimidation , perception , short story on January 22 , 2017 by quiall . Animal Tails As a child I had a fascination with animals : all kinds of animals . At one time or another I had turtles , fish , birds , cats , and dogs . I always wanted white mice but my mother put her foot down over that one . Over the years I have had many birds along with the family dogs . One episode in particular happened while I was at school . I came home to find my mother at the door with a sad look on her face . My bird had died . My mother , being the kind soul that she was , buried the bird . I never thought to ask why I wasn 't invited to the funeral , or how the bird died . My mom wouldn 't lie to me or lead me astray , would she ? Read on . Ten years later my mother is regaling a friend with the story of this clever bird that would open its cage door and dive bomb our poodle . One day the bird attacked the family dog and , well , the dog grabbed the bird . The bird died . It gives a whole new understanding of the expression ' dog 's breakfast ' . The story continued . Evidently the feathers were so thick in the air you could have cut them with a machete . Ten years later and I burst into tears . Ten years . The poodle in question was sleeping on the floor at my feet . My mother didn 't want me to hate our dog so she told me the bird had just died . She didn 't actually lie ; she just didn 't tell me the whole truth . The only reason I even knew the bird had died was because my mother couldn 't find another one to replace it . And she did try . Now I can appreciate why she would want to protect the child . Childhood is a fragile time . I understood death but not killing . Especially by someone I loved . And I did love that dog , killer that he was . Moms are so smart , I can 't remember the name of that bird but the dog was called Beau Brummel and I still miss him . When we were growing up we used to take a drive almost every Sunday after Church . It was a great way to see what was beyond the boundaries of our home . On one such trip we stopped for lunch at a small diner in a town near Kirkland Lake , Ontario , Canada . After eating , my brother ( 11 ) and sister ( 9 ) wandered away and found a phone book . They returned to the table to inform my father that there was a dog kennel in town and that he had promised them a dog . That is how we ended up in a kennel looking at a litter of poodles frolicking on the floor at our feet . My father wanted a Shepard but the owner would not sell a Shepard to a family with small children because of possible biting problems with the breed . So we watched these poodle pups for a minute . In the midst of the ruckus was a slightly older puppy , 8 months old . No one wanted him because his front legs had been broken as a small pup and not set properly . As a result his front legs were not straight . He walked and ran just fine . His lineage may have been good but he wasn 't perfect , except to us . Beau lived to be 17 years old and he was a valuable thread that weaved through all our lives . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Childhood innocence , Short Stories and tagged family stories , humour , Life , passage of time , short story on January 8 , 2017 by quiall . The Christmas Gift 12 Replies Jeremy was bereft . His feet were cold and he felt the sniffles coming on . And yet here he was on the evening of December 24 standing in a freezing parking lot looking at dying trees . Why ? Because his family insisted . He desperately wanted to tell the world to piss off and just go and get drunk in some dive bar . He hadn 't always been like this . He used to love Christmas . But 11 months and 13 days ago everything changed . The woman who completed him , who made him laugh and more importantly who laughed at his jokes , died . Mattie loved Christmas . She loved life . She loved him . Until some two bit gangsta ' wanna - be thought it would be fun to drag race on a snow - covered icy street . They said she died instantly . But he didn 't . Jeremy wanted to die or to kill , but instead he lived . He felt the tiny box in his pocket . He had planned to ask her that night . That 's why she was out . They were going to meet . It had been a horrible few months but everyone seemed to have moved on . Except for Jeremy . Here he was standing in the cold with instructions to buy a lovely full tree for Christmas . He shook his head , was about to turn around and leave when he heard an odd sound . He looked around the parking lot but he didn 't see anyone . The sound was low , almost frantic . It was a scratching noise with a hiccup and a sigh . It intrigued him . He wanted to know what was making that sound . Jeremy took a step forward and the sound changed . It was a whine now and a huffing noise . It didn 't sound human and yet it didn 't sound animal either . A back - firing car startled him . He felt silly . It was probably just the wind stirring up some garbage . Jeremy straightened his shoulders , he knew he needed to get on with his life . He could never forget her but maybe he should put her where she needed to be : deep in his heart where she could be protected , her memory safe . He would start by taking an active roll in this evening 's activities . In that moment something else happened . Jeremy seemed to swim up from the abyss of grief he had been living in for almost a year . His eyes truly opened . He almost smiled . He was looking for a tree . Now there were tall ones and fat ones and ones that looked a little sad . But he couldn 't seem to find one that he thought needed a home with his family . And then something fell on his foot . It wasn 't very heavy , it was very small and it coughed . Jeremy peered down at his feet trying to see what this thing was . There wasn 't a great deal of light but he was pretty sure that he saw it move . Without thinking he reached down and scooped up the small ball of something . The next thing that happened was unexpected . But perhaps given the day , appropriate . With the small black bundle at eye level Jeremy poked it . It poked back ! And then it opened its mouth and emitted a rather large meow . It was a kitten . It was a small , black , cold , abandoned kitten . It curled itself into a ball and started to purr . Jeremy smiled for the first time in almost a year . He tucked the sleeping bundle into his pocket and bought the tree it had been hiding under . He got his tree . He didn 't haggle the price , he just paid it and chuckled . He was taking home more than a tree . He had found the Spirit of Christmas hiding in the small body of a kitten under a tree . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Life , Short Stories , society and tagged challenges , inspirational , perception , positive changes , short story on December 25 , 2016 by quiall . Post navigation Dorky Mom DoodlesTales from the Cabbage PatchBecause everyone wonders where they came fromMotherhood Made Me Do ItSurviving kids , marriage and life with only the suggestion of sanityJ . A . AllenScribbles on Cocktail NapkinsKatzenworldWelcome to the world of cats ! OaktownVibesGiving this world good energy , one positive suggestion at a time . 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Now , in the twilight of his years , time is spent writing in this blog , hiking and exploring Texas Parks , photography , working out , gardening and tending to the five ponds he built . creative • MS • mom • let 's show what MS can 't take away • Love After LoveShe is fearless in her revelationsTwo on a RantRants , humor , sarcasm , and a haiku - like substance ? It 's hard to know what 's going to come out of our minds next . Toodletales - 1951 ClubA place to celebrate those born in 1951THE DAILY ATHOLIAN : T . I . S . H . WORLD NEWSjustbluedutchBe it always Less , So It can be More . From My WindowWhat I see , hear , feel , and sense . . From My WindowLife in LondonAmerican StyleLightheadedNew life after retirement at 8 , 300 feet Flotsam and JetsamWriting it downidiosyncrasiesby Millie BlankRangewriterWhat Comes Next ? TPost to |
Chris took a deep breath and appeared to calm a little , but he stubbornly kept trying to open the door . " Did I just let a serial killer into my house ? My whole family - " Lukas might have laughed another time , but Chris ' nearness made it difficult to find humor in this . Chris was growing genuinely alarmed . Lukas clenched his jaw at the icy pit that fear caused in his stomach . " I don 't know who you are ! " Chris threw his hands into the air . " Or how - how do you know my name ? I don 't even know that much ! " " What ? " Chris took a step back . Lukas had to admit it wasn 't the best thing he could have said . It made Lukas think about pressing him against a mattress this time instead of the siding , take his time inhaling , tasting . They didn 't have time for that . Not yet . Lukas grabbed Chris ' shoulders . " Vance . Emery . Merrick . Any of those names in your family tree , ancestors on your mother 's side ? " he asked through closed teeth . " N - no . Wait a minute . Vance ? Isn 't that the name you gave my dad , Lukas Vance ? What , you think we 're related or something ? " " No , " Chris said slowly , as if he spoke to someone with comprehension problems . " And now that I 've answered your questions , I get to ask one . Do you think we 're related ? And why do you care ? What - " " Do you think we 're related ? " Chris blurted , his cheeks pinking up , probably something that happened all the time when he got agitated enough . Lukas liked it . " Something like that . Not exactly . Just don 't worry about it . " He let go of Chris and took a step back . He had to take a step back to get a solid breath of air that didn 't smell so good it could make him forget why he 'd come there in the first place . " Don 't worry about it ? " Chris pushed off the wall and advanced as he spoke , moving Lukas back without touching him , getting into his personal space . " You were watching me at the ice cream shop , then you show up on my porch , lie your way into my house , start asking questions about people I don 't know , shove me around , and then say don 't worry about it ? " As irritated as Lukas was at the whole situation , part of him wanted to smile . He 'd been backed up almost to the front door . He had to hand it to Chris for standing up to him , even though it would make things easier if he didn 't . " Are you crazy ? " Chris asked , taking another step . This time , Lukas didn 't back up . Chris hadn 't expected that , obviously , because he bumped into Lukas , who didn 't so much as sway . He grabbed Chris ' arms and held him there , their faces temptingly close . Headlights shone through the window and tracked across the wall of the next room where no lights were on . Chris froze , then relaxed when the car kept going down the road . Probably relieved it wasn 't his mother . " If I were a threat , you 'd already be dead . " The words were out before Lukas thought about what he was saying . It was a fact . And completely the wrong thing to say . " Let go ! " Chris struggled , but it wouldn 't have mattered . If Lukas had wanted to hold him there , he couldn 't have gotten away . He looked like he might be about to shout . Big mistake , Lukas . What were you thinking , what are you doing ? The heat radiating off Chris ' neck carried the scent straight up to Lukas ' nose . He flared his nostrils to inhale more . The skin below Chris ' ear was pale , rich and fragrant , and he wanted to press his tongue there for a taste . " Chris , listen to me . That came out wrong . I 'm not here to hurt any of you , and you know that , deep down , or you 'd be more afraid for yourself . " Chris stomped his foot down onto Lukas ' instep , an impotent move thanks to thick boots . A ballsy move , though . Another thing to like about him . " Listen , damnit ! I 'll go , right now . But I want you to promise me you 'll ask your mother about those names . It 's important . " When Chris ' head turned a little and Lukas felt his jaw move under his hand , he said , " And no , I 'm not going to explain why , not right now . " He was so tempted to ask what ? so he could hold Chris there longer and see him a little more worked up . He tried hard not to focus on Chris ' body against his , but he couldn 't block it out completely , not even in a situation this serious . He let go , and Chris spun away from him , wiping his mouth and glaring . " Brent Hollister , Jennifer Bray , Vance , Emery , Merrick . I have an excellent memory . I 'll ask her . How will I tell you what she says ? " Lukas had no reason to stay there now , not once he said he 'd go . As he turned , a light breeze blew through the house . He didn 't know which window was open or how far , but the scent on the air was unmistakable . " Close the windows . Lock them . " He didn 't want to frighten Chris , but he couldn 't leave him vulnerable . Not that a locked window would mean much against a determined were , but anything that could slow one down could be helpful . Lukas stepped out the door . Chris closed it behind him , the locks snapping into place . He ran around the house , noting any open windows . One stood open , only a screen in place , in the room where Chris ' father sat at his desk , working . Damn . He hurried to the next open window . " Chris , " he said , not loud enough to alert his father , he hoped , but enough for Chris to hear . He was supposed to be closing and locking windows , so he should get there soon enough . " Chris ! " Chris snorted . " You 're joking . You want me to close and lock my window on the second floor ? Someone coming with a ladder , you think ? " Lukas resisted the urge to snap at him . It did sound crazy if you didn 't know what could be coming . He could sense Chris ' uneasiness , even though he was making jokes . That was Lukas ' fault for not handling the whole thing better . The scent was gone . He couldn 't risk going in search of it . He circled the house again , straining to get a hint , but nothing . Headlights appeared at the end of the street , so he ran to the backyard and scaled the house . He sat outside Chris ' window far enough to the left that Chris couldn 't see him . No one from the street or the driveway should be able to , either . A truck pulled into the driveway . If Chris ' mother knew any of those names , he 'd have a chance at figuring all this out . He took in great gulps of air as she walked to the house , and caught her scent . How was Chris even possible if neither parent had the scent ? The only options were if one or both of them weren 't his parents , but he looked like his father . Lukas wondered if he 'd been adopted from a family member , or he was simply wrong about the resemblance . That had to be it . A scent came to him . Wolf again . But this time , pack . Maybe it had been before , but he was too drawn to Chris ' scent to distinguish properly . Maybe he was losing his mind . The breeze blew a little quicker , and he recognized the scent it carried . Oh , god damnit . Lukas hung his head and took a deep , calming breath . " If I were a threat , you 'd be dead by now ? " The soft , laughing voice came from the trees . " You haven 't changed , Lukas . Still smoooooth . " " Can 't I see my baby brother when I want to ? " Griffin leapt silently onto the roof and crouched next to Lukas . He wore a similar leather jacket , but in brown , and his dark blond hair could use a trim . " I missed ya . Ain 't that reason enough ? " " ' Bout a bunch of towns , some dead bodies ? This damn thing stuck on my car last week ? " Griffin pulled out a piece of paper and held it up for Lukas . It took only a second for him to make out the names in the dark . The same list he 'd been given . Same handwriting , as far as he could tell . He grabbed the note and sniffed it . It only smelled like Griffin . " I 've got a theory that whoever 's doing this is an asshole . Beyond that , no . I 've been a step behind you , but now that you 've found one who hasn 't been turned into chop suey yet , I thought we 'd work together . " " You smell like him . Your clothes . . . " Griffin closed his eyes and licked his lips . " How can he smell like that ? Like us , but not us ? Some kind of a trick ? " " Another wolf . Not long before you came out , I caught his scent and followed , but lost it about eight blocks over . I think it knows he 's in there . No way he can 't smell that . . . it 's so strange . Wolf , but not . I 've never - " " I know . " At least Griffin only seemed enticed by the strangeness of it , and wasn 't affected like Lukas . It was hard enough dealing with his own wants than to have to rein in Griffin 's , too . He had hoped that the earlier scent had been Griffin , and he 'd simply not recognized it because his senses were overloaded . Not so . " Okay , okay , " Griffin said , holding his hands up . " Look , you 're here , and I assume you plan to stay . I 'm going to go try to find him . He 's gotta be staying downwind , or he has a great hiding place . I still don 't know how he got so far ahead of me . I 'll stay fairly close , though , in case he shows up and you need help . " " Yes , dumbass , it is . " Griffin didn 't move , so Lukas finally met his gaze . He really had missed his brother 's face , even if this wasn 't the best time for Griffin to show up . If he could be helpful , it would be great . But somehow he usually ended up making things more difficult . Lukas let his head rest against the dormer and tried not to think about his brother being there . Griffin could take care of himself , and until they 'd figured all this out , at least there wouldn 't be much time for them to talk about other things . Right now , he had to focus on Chris . Griffin was right , though . Chris ' scent was all over him . He alternated between feeling on edge from it and wanting to relax into it . Roll in it and howl . He lifted the hand he 'd had over Chris ' mouth and placed it over his own , flaring his nostrils as he inhaled deeply . He let his tongue slip out and slide along his palm where Chris ' lips had pressed against his skin . Evan Chambers hesitated on the sidewalk outside the club he 'd spent two hours deciding to come to . He looked down at himself , at his brown , worn - looking shoes , his dark jeans , his black T - shirt , and thought for the thousandth time that this was probably a terrible idea . He was a thirty - five - year - old school teacher who hadn 't put enough time in at the gym over the last year . He had no business doing this . A muffled thrum turned into blaring music every time the doors swung open , the sign blinking in pink and purple neon above the doors . A small group spilled out of the front of Honcho , laughing , arms hanging around each other 's necks . They were easily a decade younger than Evan , with a couple who probably had to be carded everywhere they went . These guys all wore tight pants , and most were achingly buff , which was easy to see since a few weren 't wearing shirts . One guy who didn 't appear old enough to be in this type of club looked over his shoulder at Evan . He scanned Evan from head to toe , then smiled before turning back to the group . But it wasn 't a hey , hottie smile or even a not bad smile . It was more of an isn 't that cute , here comes Grandpa smile . Evan took a deep breath . He was probably imagining that , because he felt old and out - of - date . He was thirty - five , not seventy . The guy 's smile was probably just a smile . But this was a place for young men out for a good time . Not someone like Evan , who 'd been settled down once , sure he was going to spend every night with the same man and go to the same job every day for the rest of his life . He 'd already lived through the years when he could have come to a club like this and fit in . He turned to walk away , when two older men holding hands , both in button - down shirts and khaki pants , both with neatly trimmed beards and buzz cuts , passed him on their way into the club . He closed his eyes . If they felt at home there , why couldn 't he ? There was a drag show advertised for later that night , so all types of people would probably come . He wouldn 't seem so out of place , would he ? He went into the main club area , and in seconds a headache started building , throbbing behind his eyes . His senses were assaulted by pounding music , flashing lights , eye - popping neon everywhere . He swore he could smell the musk of testosterone heavy on the stuffy , humid air . Going to be a four - Advil night . Maybe a couple of drinks would help . As he made his way to the bar , the press of the crowd became as intrusive as the light and sound . There was no clear path anywhere , requiring him to bump against people , slide past them , and occasionally get pushed back as someone else made their way through with less courtesy than Evan . While he tried to maneuver his way past a throng of men who were writhing to the music , Evan 's ass was grabbed at least twice . And it wasn 't the accidental brush of a hand either time , but a firm squeeze . Evan spun toward it . The man smiled at him , and Evan smiled back in relief . He seemed a little older than Evan , maybe five years or so , with a light beard and short hair , dark with specks of lighter hair that might have been gray . It was hard to tell with the flickering lights . The guy was clearly a bodybuilder , and was squeezed into a tight T - shirt and more normal - fitting jeans . " It shows . " The man laughed when he said it , but it didn 't feel like mockery . The guy held his large hand out . " I 'm Mike . Are you a Bud man or would you rather have Sex on the Beach ? " Evan shook his hand , and thought later he 'd be embarrassed by how long it took him to realize Mike was referring to a mixed drink . " I 'm Evan . Beer , Bud , is fine . But I can - " Evan shrugged and moved back to where he was before he was bumped . Mike moved with him . " Just thought I 'd see what it was like . Curious , mostly . " Mike 's hand slid down his back and came to rest on his hip . He kept smiling . " Bullshit . You had something specific in mind . I can see it in your eyes . " Evan gave a half - shrug , not sure what to say . He wasn 't wrong . This was Evan 's last gasp before settling down and probably living out the next several years , maybe all the rest of them , alone . Though he might get a cat , he supposed . But tonight was supposed to be that wild , one - night fling he 'd never had . One last sexual encounter that involved another human being , before he wrote that off for good . He was kind of embarrassed to have thought about it , and to be doing it . And Evan certainly didn 't feel comfortable telling that to a complete stranger , whose hand pressed against his hip , urging him closer . " You lookin ' for a Daddy ? " Mike 's other hand came up to Evan 's face , where he brushed his knuckles against the short stubble on his jaw . " ' Cause you 're lookin ' pretty good to me . " To Evan 's horror , a laugh bubbled up inside him . It burst out of him , and he knew how it probably looked , but couldn 't stop . His laugh caught Mike off - guard , and Evan 's next push freed him . " Sorry . I 'm . . . sorry . " It was too late . Evan couldn 't stop laughing . It wasn 't really because of Mike 's request - whatever turned people on was fine with him . But that he saw Evan , of all people , and decided to proposition him about it , that 's what was making it hard to get his composure back . Mike 's frown , the dark tint to his face , prompted Evan to explain . " I 'm not laughing at you , " he managed . " I 'm just . . . if you knew me you 'd know how - " " Pay for your own damn beer , " Mike said , as he grabbed both bottles and stomped away . That sent Evan into another fit of laughter , and when the person next to him abandoned his stool , Evan sat there and ordered a beer of his own , occasionally chuckling at the absurdity of the situation . He probably looked like a maniac , sitting alone , drinking , laughing . At least that would keep people away from him . He thought of Sam , and what he would think about Evan coming to a gay club in the middle of St . Louis looking for a one - night stand . Sam would tell him he didn 't have the balls to do it , and he 'd be right . Evan had done it , but nothing was going to come of it . Mike had been like a bucket of ice water on his libido and made him feel even older and out - of - touch than before . Sam hadn 't liked that about him - the conservative side . He 'd wanted them to go to clubs , take part in the gay nightlife , be a little wild and crazy now and then . Evan had gone with him a few times , feeling wholly out of place . The last time Sam had tried to convince him to go into the city for a good time with him had been the night Sam had decided to suck somebody else 's cock and tell Evan about it the next afternoon , when he finally showed up . " Bored ? That 's your defense ? " Evan had been sitting at his kitchen table working on his lesson plans for next week when Sam had used his key and walked in . He 'd been lifting his coffee cup to his mouth , and it hung there , halfway between the table and his lips . " You went . The defense for that might be that you 're bored . Fucking around with someone else . . . there 's no defense for that . Unless you 're bored by - " There had been so much Evan wanted to say . That there never had been a spark , not for the entire four years they 'd been together , not the way he imagined it to be when other people talked about it . But he loved Sam . Sam was caring and he was there and he was safe . So what if fireworks didn 't go off every time they fucked . Sometimes it wasn 't even good . Sometimes he didn 't worry that much about Evan getting there , and it felt selfish and impersonal . But you took the good with the bad . They were comfortable , and that made Evan happy . What was wrong with that ? Sam slapped his hands down on the kitchen counter . " Which do you really think is going to get through to you , Evan ? It 's not like we haven 't talked about this before . " A few minutes later , he realized he still held his cup halfway to his mouth , frozen there , marking the moment when his comfortable if fairly bland life ended and the unknown was about to rush in . He poured the coffee into the sink and stared out the window at his backyard , watching one squirrel chase another around and around the trunk of a tree , while he listened to Sam mumbling to himself as he went through the house , gathering up the things he kept there : some clothes , toiletries , his stupid shower radio that had once popped free of its suction cup and landed on Evan 's big toe while he had soap on his face . His toenail had been black for two weeks . Sam made a sound , like a sob , and Evan finally turned . Sam shook his head . " It wasn 't the first time . I 've been trying to tell you for a while now , Evan . I needed a change , and you 've been unwilling to change with me . " " Of course I have . " He took a few steps toward Evan , put the box he was carrying on the counter . " Is that really all you have to say ? " Evan finally managed to swallow . " You 've been cheating on me for a while , and say you 're bored with me . With us . What else is there to say , Sammy ? You don 't want me . Why would I try to change your mind ? " Sam 's jaw moved left , then right , and he nodded . " Right . Got it . I see how much I 've meant to you now . " He wanted to say that Sam had no right to be indignant , and that he 'd meant everything to Evan . But now . . . there didn 't seem to be anything worth fighting for . Instead , he stood there mute with disbelief while Sam stormed out , slamming the door behind him in the way that he knew Evan hated . After a few steadying breaths , he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and sat back down at the table . Sam would have to come back for his pillows , more clothes than could have fit in that box , and the DVD player in the bedroom that he 'd given Sam for Christmas . Maybe he should gather those things up , make the visit faster and easier ? Evan did that , robotically , scanning every room to find the things Sam had hauled there over the years . Eventually , he had two large boxes and a garbage bag of clothes and pillows sitting inside the kitchen door . He hoped they wouldn 't be there for days . He 'd made himself a sandwich and ate it , and when he used the bathroom after , he realized Sam had forgotten that stupid shower radio that had smashed his toe . He yanked it off the wall and took it into the kitchen where he shoved it into the top box . It was fine . He was fine . He went out to pick up Chinese for dinner , got all his favorites instead of getting one thing while Sam got the spicy dishes he liked best , most of which Evan could barely tolerate . He ate too much , and it was delicious . He was fine . He 'd finished his lesson plans later that evening , and went to bed , setting the alarm for the time he wanted to get up , half an hour later than Sam liked it to go off . He was fine . He was great . Two days later , when Sam had to sit next to him at the morning teacher 's meeting , Evan had gone to his classroom after , locked the door , and slid down it so no one could see from the hall . A fist to his mouth kept anyone from hearing , at least he thought . He was still trying to calm down when the students started arriving , a couple trying the doorknob and mumbling to each other about where Mr . Chambers could be . It had taken him until the tardy bell to get a hold of himself and unlock the door . Evan squinted at the flashing lights coming from the stage behind the dance floor and tried to focus on the present , on what could still be changed . He guessed the drag show would start soon . Sam would probably love Honcho . Evan supposed it made Sam feel younger to pour himself into his clothes , go to a club , and find somebody to have an anonymous encounter with in a back room . That just wasn 't what Evan wanted . He didn 't know what he did want , but it wasn 't that . He supposed it wasn 't Sam that he really wanted either , though the memories were still painful . " Hel - lo . " A man wearing leather head - to - toe leaned on the bar next to Evan , openly looking him up and down . " Please tell me you 're alone here and your boyfriend 's not in the bathroom . " The grin beneath his mustache was a pleasant one , lots of white teeth , full lips , and for just a moment Evan thought just fucking kiss him , just do it . What would Sam do ? He shook his head . " Sorry , my boyfriend 's in Oklahoma . " Before the man could counter with some other come on , Evan threw a couple of dollars on the bar and made his way out of the club . Chris couldn 't look away or answer , because when Albert said shitty car , the dark - haired guy 's lip curled back to show white teeth . He didn 't like that . Which was ridiculous , because how could he have heard it from so far away ? Chris let himself be pulled a step backward as he stared across the parking lot . The man tilted his head back , took a deep breath , and closed his eyes . Then snapped them open and glared at Chris again . " Jesus ! " Albert shouted . " I 'm sorry , I didn 't think you 'd be stupid enough to fall . " He helped Chris up , patting him and looking around as if embarrassed . " You okay ? How can you run like a cheetah and still be such a klutz ? I hope Elizabeth didn 't see that . " " Yeah . " He ran his fingers through his hair . " Yeah . I 'm . . . " He didn 't feel fine . More . . . unsettled . Excited . He punched Albert in the arm . " Be more careful . You should buy my burger , make it up to me . " Albert stopped in front of the restaurant door . " Okay , but do me a favor ? Look at my butt as we walk by Elizabeth 's table . Like it 's a great butt . A grabbable - " As they waited for their order , he kept losing track of Albert 's meandering conversation about various girls . Of course , Albert had picked a table near the back . Chris wished he could see out the window and keep an eye on that car . Watch for its driver . Each second the young man looked at him made Lukas ' skin feel too tight and restricting . He wanted to puff up his chest , shift , preen for him . His brown hair and brown eyes , the firm jawline , full lips - everything about his face seemed perfect , exactly the things Lukas would have picked if he 'd been asked to gather features together to create something beautiful . The guy fell over , pulled down by his clumsy friend . Lukas wanted to leap from the car , pick him up , and toss his friend as far away as he could . Fortunately , the break in eye contact let him come back to his senses . He did leap from the car . But instead of following the delicious scent , Lukas ran across the side street into the sea of cars parked at the other half of the strip mall . He crouched behind one and didn 't look up until a bell chimed above the door of the ice cream shop , signaling that they 'd gone in . The way the dead teenagers in Lorton and Paleyville had been mangled couldn 't have happened with potential witnesses nearby . Any witness to either murder would have been mangled right along with them , or they 'd have hurried to get help . So this one - Chris , his friend had called him - was probably safe as long as he wasn 't alone . He still didn 't understand how Chris or the others smelled like pack . The wrongness twisted Lukas ' insides . At least with this one , he could get close while he was alive and try to figure it out . He ate with gusto , in a bigger hurry than usual . He was eager to get back outside and see if the man was back in his car , maybe make eye contact . That had been . . . something . " You 're fun . " Roger spied a fry still in Chris ' basket , grabbed it and shoved it into his mouth . " Can you believe it 's October already ? " " I hadn 't eaten that because I dropped it on the floor . " Chris pretended to be shocked , and Roger looked back and forth between them , shaking his head and smiling like he didn 't believe it . Then he frowned . Albert elbowed him . " Nah , he 's messing with you . And yes , I can believe it . This happens every year , right between September and November , not exactly a mystery that defies understanding . " " I know , it just seems unreal it 's here already , dumbass . What 're you guys doing tonight ? Wanna grab a movie or meet up in Warcraft ? " " Cool . See ya . . . One Hung Lo . " He clapped Albert on the back before he walked away . Chris braced himself for shoulder slap he knew was coming . Roger hit a little harder than he meant to . " Later , " Chris said . An outsider looking in would probably wonder why he or Albert had anything to do with Roger . But he was harmless , and he had a good heart under all the layers of bullshit . He and Albert were two of the few people who 'd ever bothered to look that deep . They got along , and had each other 's backs , and aside from Roger 's need to call Albert Chinese names , they were friends . If Albert was going to play World of Warcraft , he wouldn 't be coming over . Chris was okay with it , because he wanted time alone to reflect on the man in the parking lot . Reflect , he thought , grinning at how his reflection might require tissues and a locked bedroom door . He shifted in his seat , and drank his milkshake . He dropped Albert at his house and headed home , the sky a deepening gray when he pulled into the driveway . His dad 's truck was gone , but light shone out the kitchen window on the side . He hoped his mom hadn 't cooked a big dinner , because he 'd forgotten to warn her he might stop for a snack . He turned , and the backpack he 'd carried on one shoulder slid off with a thump . The man from the parking lot stood at the bottom of the three steps , close enough to touch . How had he gotten there without Chris hearing him ? How had he gotten that close ? Chris ' mouth dropped open as he took in the dark hair that shone despite the fading light . The man 's intense eyes made Chris ' blood heat up , and the stubble accenting his face tempted Chris to reach out , trace the sharp angle of his jaw . Chris ' gaze went where his fingers couldn 't , down the man 's corded neck to the strong shoulders , the chest . He guessed the guy was over six feet tall , and his black leather jacket didn 't hide the strength beneath that Chris wanted to press his palms against . Chris was frozen , and as the man pressed harder against him and took another deep breath , a shudder went through him . The scent of leather was the next thing Chris noticed , then the warm skin against his . He smelled musky in the best possible way - male and earthy and fresh . Chris ' dad opened the door and stepped out . He was a little taller than Chris , but not as tall as the leathered - up guy who 'd just sniffed his neck , so the stranger was definitely over six - feet tall . His dad wore khaki pants and a blue and green plaid shirt , his idea of casual wear . It made his reddish hair look even redder under the light . Lukas hadn 't meant to grab him and back him against the house , but Chris ' scent was better than the woods after rain . That alone might have compelled him do it . Yet the scent of pack that was there but couldn 't be there agitated him to the point he had no choice but to do whatever he could to figure it out . He thought an up - close sniff might help him decipher it . Chris ' dad crossed his arms in front of his chest , one corner of his mouth curved up . " Nothing ? I saw you two , making out on the porch right in broad daylight . " At least Chris ' dad didn 't seem angry . Lukas held his hand out and used it as an opportunity to step closer . " Lukas Vance . Chris has told me a lot about you . " " He has , has he ? " Chris ' dad said as he shook Lukas ' hand . " Tyler Keenan , at your service . If you ever need a comprehensive whole life plan , let me know . But you young fellas think you 'll live forever , so I won 't hold my breath . " Lukas smiled at the peculiar man , then cut his eyes to Chris , trying to convey the need for Chris to play along . His mouth still hung open . Lukas was tempted to put his fingers under Chris ' chin and close it . " Oh , slightly older man . " Tyler clasped his hands together . " Well . Ahem . It was nice to meet you , Lukas . I 'll let the two of you . . . I 'll let you . . . " He waved his hands a bit , then laughed . " Well , goodnight . " Chris gaped and shook his head . He ran his fingers through his soft - looking hair and glared at Lukas like he might be the craziest person he 'd ever known . But after a few tense moments , he said , " That okay , Dad ? " " Why , sure ! You know , " Tyler said as he held the door for Lukas , " Chris hasn 't brought a guy home since high school , none but the usual friends . Though maybe I shouldn 't be tell - " " Sorry . " He turned to Lukas . " My wife ran out for a few things , but I 'm sure she 'll be happy to meet you , too . I 've got some paperwork , but make yourself at home . Good night , then . Right . " Tyler clapped him on the shoulder before he disappeared down the hallway . His old Chevy Caprice sputtered as he slowed for another stop sign , reminding him it was tune - up and oil change time . Had the trip been planned , he 'd have done it before driving for six hours . It 'd be twelve after he figured out it was all for nothing and made the trip back home . The list had been tucked under one of his wiper blades while he 'd been in the grocery store the night before . He 'd tried to shrug it off as a prank or someone who 'd left the note on the wrong car , but the strangeness of it kept pulling at him . And if the cryptic list of towns wasn 't bizarre enough , no human scent clung to the paper . Could be the breeze washed it away . Could be something else . He 'd figured Lorton was only six hours away . It couldn 't hurt to check it out . But it could hurt like hell , it could haunt him , if he ignored his instincts and didn 't go . You were a kid , Lukas . Give yourself a break , his brother 's voice sounded in his head , the same words he 'd said more than a few times . Then , as now , Lukas heard bitterness underneath . Blame . The words sounded like lip service when the voice saying them was tight with pain that would never go away . Lukas shook his head to clear it . He rubbed his cheek , the usual two - day stubble rasping under his fingernails . He felt trapped inside his skin and wanted to pull over and run , so he pressed his nose to the sleeve of his leather jacket , letting the scent calm him as it always did . Even though guilt came with it , as it probably always would . Lukas frowned . It would be wrong to sit there and do nothing , even though he 'd rather stay in the car until the boy got up and rode away . If the kid had a bone sticking out somewhere or started screaming , of course Lukas would help him . But if it wasn 't necessary , he 'd rather keep to himself . Pack came to Lukas on the air , the scent unmistakable . He opened his mouth to taste it and breathe it in . Blood . Death . He whipped his head side to side , took a few steps left , then right , trying to hone in on the exact direction it came from . A growl rumbled in his chest . Chris didn 't slow , but held up a raised middle finger , laughing . Albert was the one who 'd wanted to race , though they 'd been parked all the way across campus . Parmenter was probably one of the smaller community colleges in Illinois , but it was still a solid run from the science building to the corner lot where Chris had parked . " And Albert Molasses Gage loses again , " Chris said as Albert took the last few steps , panting and shaking his head . Chris patted his cheek . " When 're you gonna learn , bro ? If you 're flirting with a pretty girl and want to show off , challenging me to a race isn 't the way to do it . " " No secret . Just got taller , I think . " Chris unlocked the car and laughed when Albert collapsed into the passenger seat as if his bones wouldn 't hold him up anymore . " Not if she has any sense . " Chris carefully backed out and made an effort not to go over the 10 mph limit . He didn 't need another ticket from the rent - a - cop campus officers . Chris sighed . " Yes , she 's smart and pretty . Just like Elizabeth Brainerd , the one you were all a - flitter for yesterday . And Ashley Brown , the week before that . " " Elizabeth chews with her mouth wide open . And Ashley asked me where I was from . When I said I was from Hunter 's Rock , she said no , I mean , where in Asia . Which is annoying on its own , right ? But when I said I was born in South Korea , she said , and I 'm not kidding , I was lucky to get out with that Kim Chung guy running things the way he did . " Albert fished a water bottle from his backpack and took a long drink . " I just agreed with her . I could have corrected his name and explained things , but she 's probably challenged trying to tell left from right , let alone north from south . Can you imagine ? " He cupped his own cheeks and spoke in a soft , Valley girl accent with comically wide eyes . " Oh my god , you were only there as a baby and you still look so Asian , isn 't that something ? She was stacked , but I have my standards . " Chris turned and headed toward The Cream Machine up the road from the college . " So is this one a little more intellectual ? Maybe you 'd have better luck if you 'd stop picking potential dates by their bra sizes . " " No , they all have rippled abs and perfect pecs and butts you could bounce a quarter off of . But I 'm the shallow one ? Nope . You 're as guilty as I am . " Chris smiled , but he knew it wasn 't true . Of course guys like that were attractive , but Chris only flirted with them because he was pretty sure nothing would ever happen . If they were way out of his league , he wasn 't in danger of being asked out or propositioned . As Chris pulled into a spot in front of The Cream Machine 's front window , Albert said , " Oh , look . Elizabeth 's here with some guy . I hope he enjoys the entire process of mastication , because she doesn 't mess around . " Albert unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to lie down with his head in Chris ' lap . " Why does it have to be so hard ? I should start working out and then we can date each other . You don 't gross me out , you 're smart , and you have a car . " He batted his eyes at Chris . " And I know you like dark hair , baby . " Albert slammed his car door . " I know why you picked this place today . It 's the guy with the long sideburns who you thought flirted with you that one time when he was scooping your mint chocolate chip . " " You 're imposs - " Chris ' voice caught in his throat as he noticed a guy about a dozen cars away and three rows over in the strip mall parking lot . Dark hair , dark stubble , dark eyes . Dark intense eyes that looked back at Chris . A decent distance stretched between them , but Chris could make out his features as well as if he were in the next car . He came crisply into focus in a way nothing else did . Lukas followed the dark green Toyota from the college campus to the ice cream shop up the street . He wondered how it had been so easy to find this kid when the girl in Paleyville had been a pain in the ass to locate . This time , he 'd decided to cruise through the nearby college campus with his window down on a hunch , since the other two had been students . The boy in Lorton had been a mangled mess when Lukas had found him . The local police had beaten him to the scene , which was a good thing . If he 'd been there , hunched over the body as they approached , the overwhelming scent of death and blood might have kept him from sensing them until it was too late . He didn 't have time for jail . The victim was Brent Hollister , twenty , not from Lorton but there visiting an uncle on a short road - trip from college . The uncle was the immediate suspect , but was ruled out pretty quickly in the minds of the townspeople . None of them believed he was capable of such a thing . After he had that information , he drove to Paleyville , a state over in Missouri . It took him three days to catch the scent of pack , this time without blood and death clinging to it . The pack scent was still wrong , there where it shouldn 't be , but at least the person it belonged to was alive . He 'd picked it up again later that night , but this time it was drenched in blood . The smells of grass , leaves and bark from his vantage point in a tree several blocks away from the scene couldn 't block the scent of death and pack . He 'd perched in the branches of a huge , nearby oak that made it easy to hear when someone showed up at the crime scene screaming her name . Jennifer was dead . Parmenter Community College seemed to serve several small towns in the area , including Hunter 's Rock . It was as good as place as any to start looking for a sophomore - aged kid . As soon as he 'd driven onto the campus , window rolled down to make it easier , the scent hit him . Not blood this time . Not death . Something . . . intriguing . Lukas ' heartbeat picked up , the pulse in his neck vibrating as blood surged through him . If the scent had hit him on any ordinary day , he would have pursued it until he found the source . It called to him , teased him . The boy - no , not a boy , his scent wasn 't a kid 's but a young man 's - dashed across paved walks and grass , weaved through and around other students , and disappeared into a crowded triangular lot . The angle made it hard to see much , but what he could see - warm - looking skin , carefree , dark brown hair , a lean build - he liked . Lukas stopped his car right in the road before the lot to watch another young man running behind him , much slower , less gracefully . He wasn 't pack . A car honked behind him . He drove on and turned into the lot of a gray stone and glass building with a sign in the window advertising the drama department 's performance of Our Town . His breath steamed up the windshield glass though it wasn 't a particularly cool day . |
Chris took a deep breath and appeared to calm a little , but he stubbornly kept trying to open the door . " Did I just let a serial killer into my house ? My whole family - " Lukas might have laughed another time , but Chris ' nearness made it difficult to find humor in this . Chris was growing genuinely alarmed . Lukas clenched his jaw at the icy pit that fear caused in his stomach . " I don 't know who you are ! " Chris threw his hands into the air . " Or how - how do you know my name ? I don 't even know that much ! " " What ? " Chris took a step back . Lukas had to admit it wasn 't the best thing he could have said . It made Lukas think about pressing him against a mattress this time instead of the siding , take his time inhaling , tasting . They didn 't have time for that . Not yet . Lukas grabbed Chris ' shoulders . " Vance . Emery . Merrick . Any of those names in your family tree , ancestors on your mother 's side ? " he asked through closed teeth . " N - no . Wait a minute . Vance ? Isn 't that the name you gave my dad , Lukas Vance ? What , you think we 're related or something ? " " No , " Chris said slowly , as if he spoke to someone with comprehension problems . " And now that I 've answered your questions , I get to ask one . Do you think we 're related ? And why do you care ? What - " " Do you think we 're related ? " Chris blurted , his cheeks pinking up , probably something that happened all the time when he got agitated enough . Lukas liked it . " Something like that . Not exactly . Just don 't worry about it . " He let go of Chris and took a step back . He had to take a step back to get a solid breath of air that didn 't smell so good it could make him forget why he 'd come there in the first place . " Don 't worry about it ? " Chris pushed off the wall and advanced as he spoke , moving Lukas back without touching him , getting into his personal space . " You were watching me at the ice cream shop , then you show up on my porch , lie your way into my house , start asking questions about people I don 't know , shove me around , and then say don 't worry about it ? " As irritated as Lukas was at the whole situation , part of him wanted to smile . He 'd been backed up almost to the front door . He had to hand it to Chris for standing up to him , even though it would make things easier if he didn 't . " Are you crazy ? " Chris asked , taking another step . This time , Lukas didn 't back up . Chris hadn 't expected that , obviously , because he bumped into Lukas , who didn 't so much as sway . He grabbed Chris ' arms and held him there , their faces temptingly close . Headlights shone through the window and tracked across the wall of the next room where no lights were on . Chris froze , then relaxed when the car kept going down the road . Probably relieved it wasn 't his mother . " If I were a threat , you 'd already be dead . " The words were out before Lukas thought about what he was saying . It was a fact . And completely the wrong thing to say . " Let go ! " Chris struggled , but it wouldn 't have mattered . If Lukas had wanted to hold him there , he couldn 't have gotten away . He looked like he might be about to shout . Big mistake , Lukas . What were you thinking , what are you doing ? The heat radiating off Chris ' neck carried the scent straight up to Lukas ' nose . He flared his nostrils to inhale more . The skin below Chris ' ear was pale , rich and fragrant , and he wanted to press his tongue there for a taste . " Chris , listen to me . That came out wrong . I 'm not here to hurt any of you , and you know that , deep down , or you 'd be more afraid for yourself . " Chris stomped his foot down onto Lukas ' instep , an impotent move thanks to thick boots . A ballsy move , though . Another thing to like about him . " Listen , damnit ! I 'll go , right now . But I want you to promise me you 'll ask your mother about those names . It 's important . " When Chris ' head turned a little and Lukas felt his jaw move under his hand , he said , " And no , I 'm not going to explain why , not right now . " He was so tempted to ask what ? so he could hold Chris there longer and see him a little more worked up . He tried hard not to focus on Chris ' body against his , but he couldn 't block it out completely , not even in a situation this serious . He let go , and Chris spun away from him , wiping his mouth and glaring . " Brent Hollister , Jennifer Bray , Vance , Emery , Merrick . I have an excellent memory . I 'll ask her . How will I tell you what she says ? " Lukas had no reason to stay there now , not once he said he 'd go . As he turned , a light breeze blew through the house . He didn 't know which window was open or how far , but the scent on the air was unmistakable . " Close the windows . Lock them . " He didn 't want to frighten Chris , but he couldn 't leave him vulnerable . Not that a locked window would mean much against a determined were , but anything that could slow one down could be helpful . Lukas stepped out the door . Chris closed it behind him , the locks snapping into place . He ran around the house , noting any open windows . One stood open , only a screen in place , in the room where Chris ' father sat at his desk , working . Damn . He hurried to the next open window . " Chris , " he said , not loud enough to alert his father , he hoped , but enough for Chris to hear . He was supposed to be closing and locking windows , so he should get there soon enough . " Chris ! " Chris snorted . " You 're joking . You want me to close and lock my window on the second floor ? Someone coming with a ladder , you think ? " Lukas resisted the urge to snap at him . It did sound crazy if you didn 't know what could be coming . He could sense Chris ' uneasiness , even though he was making jokes . That was Lukas ' fault for not handling the whole thing better . The scent was gone . He couldn 't risk going in search of it . He circled the house again , straining to get a hint , but nothing . Headlights appeared at the end of the street , so he ran to the backyard and scaled the house . He sat outside Chris ' window far enough to the left that Chris couldn 't see him . No one from the street or the driveway should be able to , either . A truck pulled into the driveway . If Chris ' mother knew any of those names , he 'd have a chance at figuring all this out . He took in great gulps of air as she walked to the house , and caught her scent . How was Chris even possible if neither parent had the scent ? The only options were if one or both of them weren 't his parents , but he looked like his father . Lukas wondered if he 'd been adopted from a family member , or he was simply wrong about the resemblance . That had to be it . A scent came to him . Wolf again . But this time , pack . Maybe it had been before , but he was too drawn to Chris ' scent to distinguish properly . Maybe he was losing his mind . The breeze blew a little quicker , and he recognized the scent it carried . Oh , god damnit . Lukas hung his head and took a deep , calming breath . " If I were a threat , you 'd be dead by now ? " The soft , laughing voice came from the trees . " You haven 't changed , Lukas . Still smoooooth . " " Can 't I see my baby brother when I want to ? " Griffin leapt silently onto the roof and crouched next to Lukas . He wore a similar leather jacket , but in brown , and his dark blond hair could use a trim . " I missed ya . Ain 't that reason enough ? " " ' Bout a bunch of towns , some dead bodies ? This damn thing stuck on my car last week ? " Griffin pulled out a piece of paper and held it up for Lukas . It took only a second for him to make out the names in the dark . The same list he 'd been given . Same handwriting , as far as he could tell . He grabbed the note and sniffed it . It only smelled like Griffin . " I 've got a theory that whoever 's doing this is an asshole . Beyond that , no . I 've been a step behind you , but now that you 've found one who hasn 't been turned into chop suey yet , I thought we 'd work together . " " You smell like him . Your clothes . . . " Griffin closed his eyes and licked his lips . " How can he smell like that ? Like us , but not us ? Some kind of a trick ? " " Another wolf . Not long before you came out , I caught his scent and followed , but lost it about eight blocks over . I think it knows he 's in there . No way he can 't smell that . . . it 's so strange . Wolf , but not . I 've never - " " I know . " At least Griffin only seemed enticed by the strangeness of it , and wasn 't affected like Lukas . It was hard enough dealing with his own wants than to have to rein in Griffin 's , too . He had hoped that the earlier scent had been Griffin , and he 'd simply not recognized it because his senses were overloaded . Not so . " Okay , okay , " Griffin said , holding his hands up . " Look , you 're here , and I assume you plan to stay . I 'm going to go try to find him . He 's gotta be staying downwind , or he has a great hiding place . I still don 't know how he got so far ahead of me . I 'll stay fairly close , though , in case he shows up and you need help . " " Yes , dumbass , it is . " Griffin didn 't move , so Lukas finally met his gaze . He really had missed his brother 's face , even if this wasn 't the best time for Griffin to show up . If he could be helpful , it would be great . But somehow he usually ended up making things more difficult . Lukas let his head rest against the dormer and tried not to think about his brother being there . Griffin could take care of himself , and until they 'd figured all this out , at least there wouldn 't be much time for them to talk about other things . Right now , he had to focus on Chris . Griffin was right , though . Chris ' scent was all over him . He alternated between feeling on edge from it and wanting to relax into it . Roll in it and howl . He lifted the hand he 'd had over Chris ' mouth and placed it over his own , flaring his nostrils as he inhaled deeply . He let his tongue slip out and slide along his palm where Chris ' lips had pressed against his skin . Evan Chambers hesitated on the sidewalk outside the club he 'd spent two hours deciding to come to . He looked down at himself , at his brown , worn - looking shoes , his dark jeans , his black T - shirt , and thought for the thousandth time that this was probably a terrible idea . He was a thirty - five - year - old school teacher who hadn 't put enough time in at the gym over the last year . He had no business doing this . A muffled thrum turned into blaring music every time the doors swung open , the sign blinking in pink and purple neon above the doors . A small group spilled out of the front of Honcho , laughing , arms hanging around each other 's necks . They were easily a decade younger than Evan , with a couple who probably had to be carded everywhere they went . These guys all wore tight pants , and most were achingly buff , which was easy to see since a few weren 't wearing shirts . One guy who didn 't appear old enough to be in this type of club looked over his shoulder at Evan . He scanned Evan from head to toe , then smiled before turning back to the group . But it wasn 't a hey , hottie smile or even a not bad smile . It was more of an isn 't that cute , here comes Grandpa smile . Evan took a deep breath . He was probably imagining that , because he felt old and out - of - date . He was thirty - five , not seventy . The guy 's smile was probably just a smile . But this was a place for young men out for a good time . Not someone like Evan , who 'd been settled down once , sure he was going to spend every night with the same man and go to the same job every day for the rest of his life . He 'd already lived through the years when he could have come to a club like this and fit in . He turned to walk away , when two older men holding hands , both in button - down shirts and khaki pants , both with neatly trimmed beards and buzz cuts , passed him on their way into the club . He closed his eyes . If they felt at home there , why couldn 't he ? There was a drag show advertised for later that night , so all types of people would probably come . He wouldn 't seem so out of place , would he ? He went into the main club area , and in seconds a headache started building , throbbing behind his eyes . His senses were assaulted by pounding music , flashing lights , eye - popping neon everywhere . He swore he could smell the musk of testosterone heavy on the stuffy , humid air . Going to be a four - Advil night . Maybe a couple of drinks would help . As he made his way to the bar , the press of the crowd became as intrusive as the light and sound . There was no clear path anywhere , requiring him to bump against people , slide past them , and occasionally get pushed back as someone else made their way through with less courtesy than Evan . While he tried to maneuver his way past a throng of men who were writhing to the music , Evan 's ass was grabbed at least twice . And it wasn 't the accidental brush of a hand either time , but a firm squeeze . Evan spun toward it . The man smiled at him , and Evan smiled back in relief . He seemed a little older than Evan , maybe five years or so , with a light beard and short hair , dark with specks of lighter hair that might have been gray . It was hard to tell with the flickering lights . The guy was clearly a bodybuilder , and was squeezed into a tight T - shirt and more normal - fitting jeans . " It shows . " The man laughed when he said it , but it didn 't feel like mockery . The guy held his large hand out . " I 'm Mike . Are you a Bud man or would you rather have Sex on the Beach ? " Evan shook his hand , and thought later he 'd be embarrassed by how long it took him to realize Mike was referring to a mixed drink . " I 'm Evan . Beer , Bud , is fine . But I can - " Evan shrugged and moved back to where he was before he was bumped . Mike moved with him . " Just thought I 'd see what it was like . Curious , mostly . " Mike 's hand slid down his back and came to rest on his hip . He kept smiling . " Bullshit . You had something specific in mind . I can see it in your eyes . " Evan gave a half - shrug , not sure what to say . He wasn 't wrong . This was Evan 's last gasp before settling down and probably living out the next several years , maybe all the rest of them , alone . Though he might get a cat , he supposed . But tonight was supposed to be that wild , one - night fling he 'd never had . One last sexual encounter that involved another human being , before he wrote that off for good . He was kind of embarrassed to have thought about it , and to be doing it . And Evan certainly didn 't feel comfortable telling that to a complete stranger , whose hand pressed against his hip , urging him closer . " You lookin ' for a Daddy ? " Mike 's other hand came up to Evan 's face , where he brushed his knuckles against the short stubble on his jaw . " ' Cause you 're lookin ' pretty good to me . " To Evan 's horror , a laugh bubbled up inside him . It burst out of him , and he knew how it probably looked , but couldn 't stop . His laugh caught Mike off - guard , and Evan 's next push freed him . " Sorry . I 'm . . . sorry . " It was too late . Evan couldn 't stop laughing . It wasn 't really because of Mike 's request - whatever turned people on was fine with him . But that he saw Evan , of all people , and decided to proposition him about it , that 's what was making it hard to get his composure back . Mike 's frown , the dark tint to his face , prompted Evan to explain . " I 'm not laughing at you , " he managed . " I 'm just . . . if you knew me you 'd know how - " " Pay for your own damn beer , " Mike said , as he grabbed both bottles and stomped away . That sent Evan into another fit of laughter , and when the person next to him abandoned his stool , Evan sat there and ordered a beer of his own , occasionally chuckling at the absurdity of the situation . He probably looked like a maniac , sitting alone , drinking , laughing . At least that would keep people away from him . He thought of Sam , and what he would think about Evan coming to a gay club in the middle of St . Louis looking for a one - night stand . Sam would tell him he didn 't have the balls to do it , and he 'd be right . Evan had done it , but nothing was going to come of it . Mike had been like a bucket of ice water on his libido and made him feel even older and out - of - touch than before . Sam hadn 't liked that about him - the conservative side . He 'd wanted them to go to clubs , take part in the gay nightlife , be a little wild and crazy now and then . Evan had gone with him a few times , feeling wholly out of place . The last time Sam had tried to convince him to go into the city for a good time with him had been the night Sam had decided to suck somebody else 's cock and tell Evan about it the next afternoon , when he finally showed up . " Bored ? That 's your defense ? " Evan had been sitting at his kitchen table working on his lesson plans for next week when Sam had used his key and walked in . He 'd been lifting his coffee cup to his mouth , and it hung there , halfway between the table and his lips . " You went . The defense for that might be that you 're bored . Fucking around with someone else . . . there 's no defense for that . Unless you 're bored by - " There had been so much Evan wanted to say . That there never had been a spark , not for the entire four years they 'd been together , not the way he imagined it to be when other people talked about it . But he loved Sam . Sam was caring and he was there and he was safe . So what if fireworks didn 't go off every time they fucked . Sometimes it wasn 't even good . Sometimes he didn 't worry that much about Evan getting there , and it felt selfish and impersonal . But you took the good with the bad . They were comfortable , and that made Evan happy . What was wrong with that ? Sam slapped his hands down on the kitchen counter . " Which do you really think is going to get through to you , Evan ? It 's not like we haven 't talked about this before . " A few minutes later , he realized he still held his cup halfway to his mouth , frozen there , marking the moment when his comfortable if fairly bland life ended and the unknown was about to rush in . He poured the coffee into the sink and stared out the window at his backyard , watching one squirrel chase another around and around the trunk of a tree , while he listened to Sam mumbling to himself as he went through the house , gathering up the things he kept there : some clothes , toiletries , his stupid shower radio that had once popped free of its suction cup and landed on Evan 's big toe while he had soap on his face . His toenail had been black for two weeks . Sam made a sound , like a sob , and Evan finally turned . Sam shook his head . " It wasn 't the first time . I 've been trying to tell you for a while now , Evan . I needed a change , and you 've been unwilling to change with me . " " Of course I have . " He took a few steps toward Evan , put the box he was carrying on the counter . " Is that really all you have to say ? " Evan finally managed to swallow . " You 've been cheating on me for a while , and say you 're bored with me . With us . What else is there to say , Sammy ? You don 't want me . Why would I try to change your mind ? " Sam 's jaw moved left , then right , and he nodded . " Right . Got it . I see how much I 've meant to you now . " He wanted to say that Sam had no right to be indignant , and that he 'd meant everything to Evan . But now . . . there didn 't seem to be anything worth fighting for . Instead , he stood there mute with disbelief while Sam stormed out , slamming the door behind him in the way that he knew Evan hated . After a few steadying breaths , he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and sat back down at the table . Sam would have to come back for his pillows , more clothes than could have fit in that box , and the DVD player in the bedroom that he 'd given Sam for Christmas . Maybe he should gather those things up , make the visit faster and easier ? Evan did that , robotically , scanning every room to find the things Sam had hauled there over the years . Eventually , he had two large boxes and a garbage bag of clothes and pillows sitting inside the kitchen door . He hoped they wouldn 't be there for days . He 'd made himself a sandwich and ate it , and when he used the bathroom after , he realized Sam had forgotten that stupid shower radio that had smashed his toe . He yanked it off the wall and took it into the kitchen where he shoved it into the top box . It was fine . He was fine . He went out to pick up Chinese for dinner , got all his favorites instead of getting one thing while Sam got the spicy dishes he liked best , most of which Evan could barely tolerate . He ate too much , and it was delicious . He was fine . He 'd finished his lesson plans later that evening , and went to bed , setting the alarm for the time he wanted to get up , half an hour later than Sam liked it to go off . He was fine . He was great . Two days later , when Sam had to sit next to him at the morning teacher 's meeting , Evan had gone to his classroom after , locked the door , and slid down it so no one could see from the hall . A fist to his mouth kept anyone from hearing , at least he thought . He was still trying to calm down when the students started arriving , a couple trying the doorknob and mumbling to each other about where Mr . Chambers could be . It had taken him until the tardy bell to get a hold of himself and unlock the door . Evan squinted at the flashing lights coming from the stage behind the dance floor and tried to focus on the present , on what could still be changed . He guessed the drag show would start soon . Sam would probably love Honcho . Evan supposed it made Sam feel younger to pour himself into his clothes , go to a club , and find somebody to have an anonymous encounter with in a back room . That just wasn 't what Evan wanted . He didn 't know what he did want , but it wasn 't that . He supposed it wasn 't Sam that he really wanted either , though the memories were still painful . " Hel - lo . " A man wearing leather head - to - toe leaned on the bar next to Evan , openly looking him up and down . " Please tell me you 're alone here and your boyfriend 's not in the bathroom . " The grin beneath his mustache was a pleasant one , lots of white teeth , full lips , and for just a moment Evan thought just fucking kiss him , just do it . What would Sam do ? He shook his head . " Sorry , my boyfriend 's in Oklahoma . " Before the man could counter with some other come on , Evan threw a couple of dollars on the bar and made his way out of the club . Chris couldn 't look away or answer , because when Albert said shitty car , the dark - haired guy 's lip curled back to show white teeth . He didn 't like that . Which was ridiculous , because how could he have heard it from so far away ? Chris let himself be pulled a step backward as he stared across the parking lot . The man tilted his head back , took a deep breath , and closed his eyes . Then snapped them open and glared at Chris again . " Jesus ! " Albert shouted . " I 'm sorry , I didn 't think you 'd be stupid enough to fall . " He helped Chris up , patting him and looking around as if embarrassed . " You okay ? How can you run like a cheetah and still be such a klutz ? I hope Elizabeth didn 't see that . " " Yeah . " He ran his fingers through his hair . " Yeah . I 'm . . . " He didn 't feel fine . More . . . unsettled . Excited . He punched Albert in the arm . " Be more careful . You should buy my burger , make it up to me . " Albert stopped in front of the restaurant door . " Okay , but do me a favor ? Look at my butt as we walk by Elizabeth 's table . Like it 's a great butt . A grabbable - " As they waited for their order , he kept losing track of Albert 's meandering conversation about various girls . Of course , Albert had picked a table near the back . Chris wished he could see out the window and keep an eye on that car . Watch for its driver . Each second the young man looked at him made Lukas ' skin feel too tight and restricting . He wanted to puff up his chest , shift , preen for him . His brown hair and brown eyes , the firm jawline , full lips - everything about his face seemed perfect , exactly the things Lukas would have picked if he 'd been asked to gather features together to create something beautiful . The guy fell over , pulled down by his clumsy friend . Lukas wanted to leap from the car , pick him up , and toss his friend as far away as he could . Fortunately , the break in eye contact let him come back to his senses . He did leap from the car . But instead of following the delicious scent , Lukas ran across the side street into the sea of cars parked at the other half of the strip mall . He crouched behind one and didn 't look up until a bell chimed above the door of the ice cream shop , signaling that they 'd gone in . The way the dead teenagers in Lorton and Paleyville had been mangled couldn 't have happened with potential witnesses nearby . Any witness to either murder would have been mangled right along with them , or they 'd have hurried to get help . So this one - Chris , his friend had called him - was probably safe as long as he wasn 't alone . He still didn 't understand how Chris or the others smelled like pack . The wrongness twisted Lukas ' insides . At least with this one , he could get close while he was alive and try to figure it out . He ate with gusto , in a bigger hurry than usual . He was eager to get back outside and see if the man was back in his car , maybe make eye contact . That had been . . . something . " You 're fun . " Roger spied a fry still in Chris ' basket , grabbed it and shoved it into his mouth . " Can you believe it 's October already ? " " I hadn 't eaten that because I dropped it on the floor . " Chris pretended to be shocked , and Roger looked back and forth between them , shaking his head and smiling like he didn 't believe it . Then he frowned . Albert elbowed him . " Nah , he 's messing with you . And yes , I can believe it . This happens every year , right between September and November , not exactly a mystery that defies understanding . " " I know , it just seems unreal it 's here already , dumbass . What 're you guys doing tonight ? Wanna grab a movie or meet up in Warcraft ? " " Cool . See ya . . . One Hung Lo . " He clapped Albert on the back before he walked away . Chris braced himself for shoulder slap he knew was coming . Roger hit a little harder than he meant to . " Later , " Chris said . An outsider looking in would probably wonder why he or Albert had anything to do with Roger . But he was harmless , and he had a good heart under all the layers of bullshit . He and Albert were two of the few people who 'd ever bothered to look that deep . They got along , and had each other 's backs , and aside from Roger 's need to call Albert Chinese names , they were friends . If Albert was going to play World of Warcraft , he wouldn 't be coming over . Chris was okay with it , because he wanted time alone to reflect on the man in the parking lot . Reflect , he thought , grinning at how his reflection might require tissues and a locked bedroom door . He shifted in his seat , and drank his milkshake . He dropped Albert at his house and headed home , the sky a deepening gray when he pulled into the driveway . His dad 's truck was gone , but light shone out the kitchen window on the side . He hoped his mom hadn 't cooked a big dinner , because he 'd forgotten to warn her he might stop for a snack . He turned , and the backpack he 'd carried on one shoulder slid off with a thump . The man from the parking lot stood at the bottom of the three steps , close enough to touch . How had he gotten there without Chris hearing him ? How had he gotten that close ? Chris ' mouth dropped open as he took in the dark hair that shone despite the fading light . The man 's intense eyes made Chris ' blood heat up , and the stubble accenting his face tempted Chris to reach out , trace the sharp angle of his jaw . Chris ' gaze went where his fingers couldn 't , down the man 's corded neck to the strong shoulders , the chest . He guessed the guy was over six feet tall , and his black leather jacket didn 't hide the strength beneath that Chris wanted to press his palms against . Chris was frozen , and as the man pressed harder against him and took another deep breath , a shudder went through him . The scent of leather was the next thing Chris noticed , then the warm skin against his . He smelled musky in the best possible way - male and earthy and fresh . Chris ' dad opened the door and stepped out . He was a little taller than Chris , but not as tall as the leathered - up guy who 'd just sniffed his neck , so the stranger was definitely over six - feet tall . His dad wore khaki pants and a blue and green plaid shirt , his idea of casual wear . It made his reddish hair look even redder under the light . Lukas hadn 't meant to grab him and back him against the house , but Chris ' scent was better than the woods after rain . That alone might have compelled him do it . Yet the scent of pack that was there but couldn 't be there agitated him to the point he had no choice but to do whatever he could to figure it out . He thought an up - close sniff might help him decipher it . Chris ' dad crossed his arms in front of his chest , one corner of his mouth curved up . " Nothing ? I saw you two , making out on the porch right in broad daylight . " At least Chris ' dad didn 't seem angry . Lukas held his hand out and used it as an opportunity to step closer . " Lukas Vance . Chris has told me a lot about you . " " He has , has he ? " Chris ' dad said as he shook Lukas ' hand . " Tyler Keenan , at your service . If you ever need a comprehensive whole life plan , let me know . But you young fellas think you 'll live forever , so I won 't hold my breath . " Lukas smiled at the peculiar man , then cut his eyes to Chris , trying to convey the need for Chris to play along . His mouth still hung open . Lukas was tempted to put his fingers under Chris ' chin and close it . " Oh , slightly older man . " Tyler clasped his hands together . " Well . Ahem . It was nice to meet you , Lukas . I 'll let the two of you . . . I 'll let you . . . " He waved his hands a bit , then laughed . " Well , goodnight . " Chris gaped and shook his head . He ran his fingers through his soft - looking hair and glared at Lukas like he might be the craziest person he 'd ever known . But after a few tense moments , he said , " That okay , Dad ? " " Why , sure ! You know , " Tyler said as he held the door for Lukas , " Chris hasn 't brought a guy home since high school , none but the usual friends . Though maybe I shouldn 't be tell - " " Sorry . " He turned to Lukas . " My wife ran out for a few things , but I 'm sure she 'll be happy to meet you , too . I 've got some paperwork , but make yourself at home . Good night , then . Right . " Tyler clapped him on the shoulder before he disappeared down the hallway . His old Chevy Caprice sputtered as he slowed for another stop sign , reminding him it was tune - up and oil change time . Had the trip been planned , he 'd have done it before driving for six hours . It 'd be twelve after he figured out it was all for nothing and made the trip back home . The list had been tucked under one of his wiper blades while he 'd been in the grocery store the night before . He 'd tried to shrug it off as a prank or someone who 'd left the note on the wrong car , but the strangeness of it kept pulling at him . And if the cryptic list of towns wasn 't bizarre enough , no human scent clung to the paper . Could be the breeze washed it away . Could be something else . He 'd figured Lorton was only six hours away . It couldn 't hurt to check it out . But it could hurt like hell , it could haunt him , if he ignored his instincts and didn 't go . You were a kid , Lukas . Give yourself a break , his brother 's voice sounded in his head , the same words he 'd said more than a few times . Then , as now , Lukas heard bitterness underneath . Blame . The words sounded like lip service when the voice saying them was tight with pain that would never go away . Lukas shook his head to clear it . He rubbed his cheek , the usual two - day stubble rasping under his fingernails . He felt trapped inside his skin and wanted to pull over and run , so he pressed his nose to the sleeve of his leather jacket , letting the scent calm him as it always did . Even though guilt came with it , as it probably always would . Lukas frowned . It would be wrong to sit there and do nothing , even though he 'd rather stay in the car until the boy got up and rode away . If the kid had a bone sticking out somewhere or started screaming , of course Lukas would help him . But if it wasn 't necessary , he 'd rather keep to himself . Pack came to Lukas on the air , the scent unmistakable . He opened his mouth to taste it and breathe it in . Blood . Death . He whipped his head side to side , took a few steps left , then right , trying to hone in on the exact direction it came from . A growl rumbled in his chest . Chris didn 't slow , but held up a raised middle finger , laughing . Albert was the one who 'd wanted to race , though they 'd been parked all the way across campus . Parmenter was probably one of the smaller community colleges in Illinois , but it was still a solid run from the science building to the corner lot where Chris had parked . " And Albert Molasses Gage loses again , " Chris said as Albert took the last few steps , panting and shaking his head . Chris patted his cheek . " When 're you gonna learn , bro ? If you 're flirting with a pretty girl and want to show off , challenging me to a race isn 't the way to do it . " " No secret . Just got taller , I think . " Chris unlocked the car and laughed when Albert collapsed into the passenger seat as if his bones wouldn 't hold him up anymore . " Not if she has any sense . " Chris carefully backed out and made an effort not to go over the 10 mph limit . He didn 't need another ticket from the rent - a - cop campus officers . Chris sighed . " Yes , she 's smart and pretty . Just like Elizabeth Brainerd , the one you were all a - flitter for yesterday . And Ashley Brown , the week before that . " " Elizabeth chews with her mouth wide open . And Ashley asked me where I was from . When I said I was from Hunter 's Rock , she said no , I mean , where in Asia . Which is annoying on its own , right ? But when I said I was born in South Korea , she said , and I 'm not kidding , I was lucky to get out with that Kim Chung guy running things the way he did . " Albert fished a water bottle from his backpack and took a long drink . " I just agreed with her . I could have corrected his name and explained things , but she 's probably challenged trying to tell left from right , let alone north from south . Can you imagine ? " He cupped his own cheeks and spoke in a soft , Valley girl accent with comically wide eyes . " Oh my god , you were only there as a baby and you still look so Asian , isn 't that something ? She was stacked , but I have my standards . " Chris turned and headed toward The Cream Machine up the road from the college . " So is this one a little more intellectual ? Maybe you 'd have better luck if you 'd stop picking potential dates by their bra sizes . " " No , they all have rippled abs and perfect pecs and butts you could bounce a quarter off of . But I 'm the shallow one ? Nope . You 're as guilty as I am . " Chris smiled , but he knew it wasn 't true . Of course guys like that were attractive , but Chris only flirted with them because he was pretty sure nothing would ever happen . If they were way out of his league , he wasn 't in danger of being asked out or propositioned . As Chris pulled into a spot in front of The Cream Machine 's front window , Albert said , " Oh , look . Elizabeth 's here with some guy . I hope he enjoys the entire process of mastication , because she doesn 't mess around . " Albert unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to lie down with his head in Chris ' lap . " Why does it have to be so hard ? I should start working out and then we can date each other . You don 't gross me out , you 're smart , and you have a car . " He batted his eyes at Chris . " And I know you like dark hair , baby . " Albert slammed his car door . " I know why you picked this place today . It 's the guy with the long sideburns who you thought flirted with you that one time when he was scooping your mint chocolate chip . " " You 're imposs - " Chris ' voice caught in his throat as he noticed a guy about a dozen cars away and three rows over in the strip mall parking lot . Dark hair , dark stubble , dark eyes . Dark intense eyes that looked back at Chris . A decent distance stretched between them , but Chris could make out his features as well as if he were in the next car . He came crisply into focus in a way nothing else did . Lukas followed the dark green Toyota from the college campus to the ice cream shop up the street . He wondered how it had been so easy to find this kid when the girl in Paleyville had been a pain in the ass to locate . This time , he 'd decided to cruise through the nearby college campus with his window down on a hunch , since the other two had been students . The boy in Lorton had been a mangled mess when Lukas had found him . The local police had beaten him to the scene , which was a good thing . If he 'd been there , hunched over the body as they approached , the overwhelming scent of death and blood might have kept him from sensing them until it was too late . He didn 't have time for jail . The victim was Brent Hollister , twenty , not from Lorton but there visiting an uncle on a short road - trip from college . The uncle was the immediate suspect , but was ruled out pretty quickly in the minds of the townspeople . None of them believed he was capable of such a thing . After he had that information , he drove to Paleyville , a state over in Missouri . It took him three days to catch the scent of pack , this time without blood and death clinging to it . The pack scent was still wrong , there where it shouldn 't be , but at least the person it belonged to was alive . He 'd picked it up again later that night , but this time it was drenched in blood . The smells of grass , leaves and bark from his vantage point in a tree several blocks away from the scene couldn 't block the scent of death and pack . He 'd perched in the branches of a huge , nearby oak that made it easy to hear when someone showed up at the crime scene screaming her name . Jennifer was dead . Parmenter Community College seemed to serve several small towns in the area , including Hunter 's Rock . It was as good as place as any to start looking for a sophomore - aged kid . As soon as he 'd driven onto the campus , window rolled down to make it easier , the scent hit him . Not blood this time . Not death . Something . . . intriguing . Lukas ' heartbeat picked up , the pulse in his neck vibrating as blood surged through him . If the scent had hit him on any ordinary day , he would have pursued it until he found the source . It called to him , teased him . The boy - no , not a boy , his scent wasn 't a kid 's but a young man 's - dashed across paved walks and grass , weaved through and around other students , and disappeared into a crowded triangular lot . The angle made it hard to see much , but what he could see - warm - looking skin , carefree , dark brown hair , a lean build - he liked . Lukas stopped his car right in the road before the lot to watch another young man running behind him , much slower , less gracefully . He wasn 't pack . A car honked behind him . He drove on and turned into the lot of a gray stone and glass building with a sign in the window advertising the drama department 's performance of Our Town . His breath steamed up the windshield glass though it wasn 't a particularly cool day . |
Chris took a deep breath and appeared to calm a little , but he stubbornly kept trying to open the door . " Did I just let a serial killer into my house ? My whole family - " Lukas might have laughed another time , but Chris ' nearness made it difficult to find humor in this . Chris was growing genuinely alarmed . Lukas clenched his jaw at the icy pit that fear caused in his stomach . " I don 't know who you are ! " Chris threw his hands into the air . " Or how - how do you know my name ? I don 't even know that much ! " " What ? " Chris took a step back . Lukas had to admit it wasn 't the best thing he could have said . It made Lukas think about pressing him against a mattress this time instead of the siding , take his time inhaling , tasting . They didn 't have time for that . Not yet . Lukas grabbed Chris ' shoulders . " Vance . Emery . Merrick . Any of those names in your family tree , ancestors on your mother 's side ? " he asked through closed teeth . " N - no . Wait a minute . Vance ? Isn 't that the name you gave my dad , Lukas Vance ? What , you think we 're related or something ? " " No , " Chris said slowly , as if he spoke to someone with comprehension problems . " And now that I 've answered your questions , I get to ask one . Do you think we 're related ? And why do you care ? What - " " Do you think we 're related ? " Chris blurted , his cheeks pinking up , probably something that happened all the time when he got agitated enough . Lukas liked it . " Something like that . Not exactly . Just don 't worry about it . " He let go of Chris and took a step back . He had to take a step back to get a solid breath of air that didn 't smell so good it could make him forget why he 'd come there in the first place . " Don 't worry about it ? " Chris pushed off the wall and advanced as he spoke , moving Lukas back without touching him , getting into his personal space . " You were watching me at the ice cream shop , then you show up on my porch , lie your way into my house , start asking questions about people I don 't know , shove me around , and then say don 't worry about it ? " As irritated as Lukas was at the whole situation , part of him wanted to smile . He 'd been backed up almost to the front door . He had to hand it to Chris for standing up to him , even though it would make things easier if he didn 't . " Are you crazy ? " Chris asked , taking another step . This time , Lukas didn 't back up . Chris hadn 't expected that , obviously , because he bumped into Lukas , who didn 't so much as sway . He grabbed Chris ' arms and held him there , their faces temptingly close . Headlights shone through the window and tracked across the wall of the next room where no lights were on . Chris froze , then relaxed when the car kept going down the road . Probably relieved it wasn 't his mother . " If I were a threat , you 'd already be dead . " The words were out before Lukas thought about what he was saying . It was a fact . And completely the wrong thing to say . " Let go ! " Chris struggled , but it wouldn 't have mattered . If Lukas had wanted to hold him there , he couldn 't have gotten away . He looked like he might be about to shout . Big mistake , Lukas . What were you thinking , what are you doing ? The heat radiating off Chris ' neck carried the scent straight up to Lukas ' nose . He flared his nostrils to inhale more . The skin below Chris ' ear was pale , rich and fragrant , and he wanted to press his tongue there for a taste . " Chris , listen to me . That came out wrong . I 'm not here to hurt any of you , and you know that , deep down , or you 'd be more afraid for yourself . " Chris stomped his foot down onto Lukas ' instep , an impotent move thanks to thick boots . A ballsy move , though . Another thing to like about him . " Listen , damnit ! I 'll go , right now . But I want you to promise me you 'll ask your mother about those names . It 's important . " When Chris ' head turned a little and Lukas felt his jaw move under his hand , he said , " And no , I 'm not going to explain why , not right now . " He was so tempted to ask what ? so he could hold Chris there longer and see him a little more worked up . He tried hard not to focus on Chris ' body against his , but he couldn 't block it out completely , not even in a situation this serious . He let go , and Chris spun away from him , wiping his mouth and glaring . " Brent Hollister , Jennifer Bray , Vance , Emery , Merrick . I have an excellent memory . I 'll ask her . How will I tell you what she says ? " Lukas had no reason to stay there now , not once he said he 'd go . As he turned , a light breeze blew through the house . He didn 't know which window was open or how far , but the scent on the air was unmistakable . " Close the windows . Lock them . " He didn 't want to frighten Chris , but he couldn 't leave him vulnerable . Not that a locked window would mean much against a determined were , but anything that could slow one down could be helpful . Lukas stepped out the door . Chris closed it behind him , the locks snapping into place . He ran around the house , noting any open windows . One stood open , only a screen in place , in the room where Chris ' father sat at his desk , working . Damn . He hurried to the next open window . " Chris , " he said , not loud enough to alert his father , he hoped , but enough for Chris to hear . He was supposed to be closing and locking windows , so he should get there soon enough . " Chris ! " Chris snorted . " You 're joking . You want me to close and lock my window on the second floor ? Someone coming with a ladder , you think ? " Lukas resisted the urge to snap at him . It did sound crazy if you didn 't know what could be coming . He could sense Chris ' uneasiness , even though he was making jokes . That was Lukas ' fault for not handling the whole thing better . The scent was gone . He couldn 't risk going in search of it . He circled the house again , straining to get a hint , but nothing . Headlights appeared at the end of the street , so he ran to the backyard and scaled the house . He sat outside Chris ' window far enough to the left that Chris couldn 't see him . No one from the street or the driveway should be able to , either . A truck pulled into the driveway . If Chris ' mother knew any of those names , he 'd have a chance at figuring all this out . He took in great gulps of air as she walked to the house , and caught her scent . How was Chris even possible if neither parent had the scent ? The only options were if one or both of them weren 't his parents , but he looked like his father . Lukas wondered if he 'd been adopted from a family member , or he was simply wrong about the resemblance . That had to be it . A scent came to him . Wolf again . But this time , pack . Maybe it had been before , but he was too drawn to Chris ' scent to distinguish properly . Maybe he was losing his mind . The breeze blew a little quicker , and he recognized the scent it carried . Oh , god damnit . Lukas hung his head and took a deep , calming breath . " If I were a threat , you 'd be dead by now ? " The soft , laughing voice came from the trees . " You haven 't changed , Lukas . Still smoooooth . " " Can 't I see my baby brother when I want to ? " Griffin leapt silently onto the roof and crouched next to Lukas . He wore a similar leather jacket , but in brown , and his dark blond hair could use a trim . " I missed ya . Ain 't that reason enough ? " " ' Bout a bunch of towns , some dead bodies ? This damn thing stuck on my car last week ? " Griffin pulled out a piece of paper and held it up for Lukas . It took only a second for him to make out the names in the dark . The same list he 'd been given . Same handwriting , as far as he could tell . He grabbed the note and sniffed it . It only smelled like Griffin . " I 've got a theory that whoever 's doing this is an asshole . Beyond that , no . I 've been a step behind you , but now that you 've found one who hasn 't been turned into chop suey yet , I thought we 'd work together . " " You smell like him . Your clothes . . . " Griffin closed his eyes and licked his lips . " How can he smell like that ? Like us , but not us ? Some kind of a trick ? " " Another wolf . Not long before you came out , I caught his scent and followed , but lost it about eight blocks over . I think it knows he 's in there . No way he can 't smell that . . . it 's so strange . Wolf , but not . I 've never - " " I know . " At least Griffin only seemed enticed by the strangeness of it , and wasn 't affected like Lukas . It was hard enough dealing with his own wants than to have to rein in Griffin 's , too . He had hoped that the earlier scent had been Griffin , and he 'd simply not recognized it because his senses were overloaded . Not so . " Okay , okay , " Griffin said , holding his hands up . " Look , you 're here , and I assume you plan to stay . I 'm going to go try to find him . He 's gotta be staying downwind , or he has a great hiding place . I still don 't know how he got so far ahead of me . I 'll stay fairly close , though , in case he shows up and you need help . " " Yes , dumbass , it is . " Griffin didn 't move , so Lukas finally met his gaze . He really had missed his brother 's face , even if this wasn 't the best time for Griffin to show up . If he could be helpful , it would be great . But somehow he usually ended up making things more difficult . Lukas let his head rest against the dormer and tried not to think about his brother being there . Griffin could take care of himself , and until they 'd figured all this out , at least there wouldn 't be much time for them to talk about other things . Right now , he had to focus on Chris . Griffin was right , though . Chris ' scent was all over him . He alternated between feeling on edge from it and wanting to relax into it . Roll in it and howl . He lifted the hand he 'd had over Chris ' mouth and placed it over his own , flaring his nostrils as he inhaled deeply . He let his tongue slip out and slide along his palm where Chris ' lips had pressed against his skin . Evan Chambers hesitated on the sidewalk outside the club he 'd spent two hours deciding to come to . He looked down at himself , at his brown , worn - looking shoes , his dark jeans , his black T - shirt , and thought for the thousandth time that this was probably a terrible idea . He was a thirty - five - year - old school teacher who hadn 't put enough time in at the gym over the last year . He had no business doing this . A muffled thrum turned into blaring music every time the doors swung open , the sign blinking in pink and purple neon above the doors . A small group spilled out of the front of Honcho , laughing , arms hanging around each other 's necks . They were easily a decade younger than Evan , with a couple who probably had to be carded everywhere they went . These guys all wore tight pants , and most were achingly buff , which was easy to see since a few weren 't wearing shirts . One guy who didn 't appear old enough to be in this type of club looked over his shoulder at Evan . He scanned Evan from head to toe , then smiled before turning back to the group . But it wasn 't a hey , hottie smile or even a not bad smile . It was more of an isn 't that cute , here comes Grandpa smile . Evan took a deep breath . He was probably imagining that , because he felt old and out - of - date . He was thirty - five , not seventy . The guy 's smile was probably just a smile . But this was a place for young men out for a good time . Not someone like Evan , who 'd been settled down once , sure he was going to spend every night with the same man and go to the same job every day for the rest of his life . He 'd already lived through the years when he could have come to a club like this and fit in . He turned to walk away , when two older men holding hands , both in button - down shirts and khaki pants , both with neatly trimmed beards and buzz cuts , passed him on their way into the club . He closed his eyes . If they felt at home there , why couldn 't he ? There was a drag show advertised for later that night , so all types of people would probably come . He wouldn 't seem so out of place , would he ? He went into the main club area , and in seconds a headache started building , throbbing behind his eyes . His senses were assaulted by pounding music , flashing lights , eye - popping neon everywhere . He swore he could smell the musk of testosterone heavy on the stuffy , humid air . Going to be a four - Advil night . Maybe a couple of drinks would help . As he made his way to the bar , the press of the crowd became as intrusive as the light and sound . There was no clear path anywhere , requiring him to bump against people , slide past them , and occasionally get pushed back as someone else made their way through with less courtesy than Evan . While he tried to maneuver his way past a throng of men who were writhing to the music , Evan 's ass was grabbed at least twice . And it wasn 't the accidental brush of a hand either time , but a firm squeeze . Evan spun toward it . The man smiled at him , and Evan smiled back in relief . He seemed a little older than Evan , maybe five years or so , with a light beard and short hair , dark with specks of lighter hair that might have been gray . It was hard to tell with the flickering lights . The guy was clearly a bodybuilder , and was squeezed into a tight T - shirt and more normal - fitting jeans . " It shows . " The man laughed when he said it , but it didn 't feel like mockery . The guy held his large hand out . " I 'm Mike . Are you a Bud man or would you rather have Sex on the Beach ? " Evan shook his hand , and thought later he 'd be embarrassed by how long it took him to realize Mike was referring to a mixed drink . " I 'm Evan . Beer , Bud , is fine . But I can - " Evan shrugged and moved back to where he was before he was bumped . Mike moved with him . " Just thought I 'd see what it was like . Curious , mostly . " Mike 's hand slid down his back and came to rest on his hip . He kept smiling . " Bullshit . You had something specific in mind . I can see it in your eyes . " Evan gave a half - shrug , not sure what to say . He wasn 't wrong . This was Evan 's last gasp before settling down and probably living out the next several years , maybe all the rest of them , alone . Though he might get a cat , he supposed . But tonight was supposed to be that wild , one - night fling he 'd never had . One last sexual encounter that involved another human being , before he wrote that off for good . He was kind of embarrassed to have thought about it , and to be doing it . And Evan certainly didn 't feel comfortable telling that to a complete stranger , whose hand pressed against his hip , urging him closer . " You lookin ' for a Daddy ? " Mike 's other hand came up to Evan 's face , where he brushed his knuckles against the short stubble on his jaw . " ' Cause you 're lookin ' pretty good to me . " To Evan 's horror , a laugh bubbled up inside him . It burst out of him , and he knew how it probably looked , but couldn 't stop . His laugh caught Mike off - guard , and Evan 's next push freed him . " Sorry . I 'm . . . sorry . " It was too late . Evan couldn 't stop laughing . It wasn 't really because of Mike 's request - whatever turned people on was fine with him . But that he saw Evan , of all people , and decided to proposition him about it , that 's what was making it hard to get his composure back . Mike 's frown , the dark tint to his face , prompted Evan to explain . " I 'm not laughing at you , " he managed . " I 'm just . . . if you knew me you 'd know how - " " Pay for your own damn beer , " Mike said , as he grabbed both bottles and stomped away . That sent Evan into another fit of laughter , and when the person next to him abandoned his stool , Evan sat there and ordered a beer of his own , occasionally chuckling at the absurdity of the situation . He probably looked like a maniac , sitting alone , drinking , laughing . At least that would keep people away from him . He thought of Sam , and what he would think about Evan coming to a gay club in the middle of St . Louis looking for a one - night stand . Sam would tell him he didn 't have the balls to do it , and he 'd be right . Evan had done it , but nothing was going to come of it . Mike had been like a bucket of ice water on his libido and made him feel even older and out - of - touch than before . Sam hadn 't liked that about him - the conservative side . He 'd wanted them to go to clubs , take part in the gay nightlife , be a little wild and crazy now and then . Evan had gone with him a few times , feeling wholly out of place . The last time Sam had tried to convince him to go into the city for a good time with him had been the night Sam had decided to suck somebody else 's cock and tell Evan about it the next afternoon , when he finally showed up . " Bored ? That 's your defense ? " Evan had been sitting at his kitchen table working on his lesson plans for next week when Sam had used his key and walked in . He 'd been lifting his coffee cup to his mouth , and it hung there , halfway between the table and his lips . " You went . The defense for that might be that you 're bored . Fucking around with someone else . . . there 's no defense for that . Unless you 're bored by - " There had been so much Evan wanted to say . That there never had been a spark , not for the entire four years they 'd been together , not the way he imagined it to be when other people talked about it . But he loved Sam . Sam was caring and he was there and he was safe . So what if fireworks didn 't go off every time they fucked . Sometimes it wasn 't even good . Sometimes he didn 't worry that much about Evan getting there , and it felt selfish and impersonal . But you took the good with the bad . They were comfortable , and that made Evan happy . What was wrong with that ? Sam slapped his hands down on the kitchen counter . " Which do you really think is going to get through to you , Evan ? It 's not like we haven 't talked about this before . " A few minutes later , he realized he still held his cup halfway to his mouth , frozen there , marking the moment when his comfortable if fairly bland life ended and the unknown was about to rush in . He poured the coffee into the sink and stared out the window at his backyard , watching one squirrel chase another around and around the trunk of a tree , while he listened to Sam mumbling to himself as he went through the house , gathering up the things he kept there : some clothes , toiletries , his stupid shower radio that had once popped free of its suction cup and landed on Evan 's big toe while he had soap on his face . His toenail had been black for two weeks . Sam made a sound , like a sob , and Evan finally turned . Sam shook his head . " It wasn 't the first time . I 've been trying to tell you for a while now , Evan . I needed a change , and you 've been unwilling to change with me . " " Of course I have . " He took a few steps toward Evan , put the box he was carrying on the counter . " Is that really all you have to say ? " Evan finally managed to swallow . " You 've been cheating on me for a while , and say you 're bored with me . With us . What else is there to say , Sammy ? You don 't want me . Why would I try to change your mind ? " Sam 's jaw moved left , then right , and he nodded . " Right . Got it . I see how much I 've meant to you now . " He wanted to say that Sam had no right to be indignant , and that he 'd meant everything to Evan . But now . . . there didn 't seem to be anything worth fighting for . Instead , he stood there mute with disbelief while Sam stormed out , slamming the door behind him in the way that he knew Evan hated . After a few steadying breaths , he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and sat back down at the table . Sam would have to come back for his pillows , more clothes than could have fit in that box , and the DVD player in the bedroom that he 'd given Sam for Christmas . Maybe he should gather those things up , make the visit faster and easier ? Evan did that , robotically , scanning every room to find the things Sam had hauled there over the years . Eventually , he had two large boxes and a garbage bag of clothes and pillows sitting inside the kitchen door . He hoped they wouldn 't be there for days . He 'd made himself a sandwich and ate it , and when he used the bathroom after , he realized Sam had forgotten that stupid shower radio that had smashed his toe . He yanked it off the wall and took it into the kitchen where he shoved it into the top box . It was fine . He was fine . He went out to pick up Chinese for dinner , got all his favorites instead of getting one thing while Sam got the spicy dishes he liked best , most of which Evan could barely tolerate . He ate too much , and it was delicious . He was fine . He 'd finished his lesson plans later that evening , and went to bed , setting the alarm for the time he wanted to get up , half an hour later than Sam liked it to go off . He was fine . He was great . Two days later , when Sam had to sit next to him at the morning teacher 's meeting , Evan had gone to his classroom after , locked the door , and slid down it so no one could see from the hall . A fist to his mouth kept anyone from hearing , at least he thought . He was still trying to calm down when the students started arriving , a couple trying the doorknob and mumbling to each other about where Mr . Chambers could be . It had taken him until the tardy bell to get a hold of himself and unlock the door . Evan squinted at the flashing lights coming from the stage behind the dance floor and tried to focus on the present , on what could still be changed . He guessed the drag show would start soon . Sam would probably love Honcho . Evan supposed it made Sam feel younger to pour himself into his clothes , go to a club , and find somebody to have an anonymous encounter with in a back room . That just wasn 't what Evan wanted . He didn 't know what he did want , but it wasn 't that . He supposed it wasn 't Sam that he really wanted either , though the memories were still painful . " Hel - lo . " A man wearing leather head - to - toe leaned on the bar next to Evan , openly looking him up and down . " Please tell me you 're alone here and your boyfriend 's not in the bathroom . " The grin beneath his mustache was a pleasant one , lots of white teeth , full lips , and for just a moment Evan thought just fucking kiss him , just do it . What would Sam do ? He shook his head . " Sorry , my boyfriend 's in Oklahoma . " Before the man could counter with some other come on , Evan threw a couple of dollars on the bar and made his way out of the club . Chris couldn 't look away or answer , because when Albert said shitty car , the dark - haired guy 's lip curled back to show white teeth . He didn 't like that . Which was ridiculous , because how could he have heard it from so far away ? Chris let himself be pulled a step backward as he stared across the parking lot . The man tilted his head back , took a deep breath , and closed his eyes . Then snapped them open and glared at Chris again . " Jesus ! " Albert shouted . " I 'm sorry , I didn 't think you 'd be stupid enough to fall . " He helped Chris up , patting him and looking around as if embarrassed . " You okay ? How can you run like a cheetah and still be such a klutz ? I hope Elizabeth didn 't see that . " " Yeah . " He ran his fingers through his hair . " Yeah . I 'm . . . " He didn 't feel fine . More . . . unsettled . Excited . He punched Albert in the arm . " Be more careful . You should buy my burger , make it up to me . " Albert stopped in front of the restaurant door . " Okay , but do me a favor ? Look at my butt as we walk by Elizabeth 's table . Like it 's a great butt . A grabbable - " As they waited for their order , he kept losing track of Albert 's meandering conversation about various girls . Of course , Albert had picked a table near the back . Chris wished he could see out the window and keep an eye on that car . Watch for its driver . Each second the young man looked at him made Lukas ' skin feel too tight and restricting . He wanted to puff up his chest , shift , preen for him . His brown hair and brown eyes , the firm jawline , full lips - everything about his face seemed perfect , exactly the things Lukas would have picked if he 'd been asked to gather features together to create something beautiful . The guy fell over , pulled down by his clumsy friend . Lukas wanted to leap from the car , pick him up , and toss his friend as far away as he could . Fortunately , the break in eye contact let him come back to his senses . He did leap from the car . But instead of following the delicious scent , Lukas ran across the side street into the sea of cars parked at the other half of the strip mall . He crouched behind one and didn 't look up until a bell chimed above the door of the ice cream shop , signaling that they 'd gone in . The way the dead teenagers in Lorton and Paleyville had been mangled couldn 't have happened with potential witnesses nearby . Any witness to either murder would have been mangled right along with them , or they 'd have hurried to get help . So this one - Chris , his friend had called him - was probably safe as long as he wasn 't alone . He still didn 't understand how Chris or the others smelled like pack . The wrongness twisted Lukas ' insides . At least with this one , he could get close while he was alive and try to figure it out . He ate with gusto , in a bigger hurry than usual . He was eager to get back outside and see if the man was back in his car , maybe make eye contact . That had been . . . something . " You 're fun . " Roger spied a fry still in Chris ' basket , grabbed it and shoved it into his mouth . " Can you believe it 's October already ? " " I hadn 't eaten that because I dropped it on the floor . " Chris pretended to be shocked , and Roger looked back and forth between them , shaking his head and smiling like he didn 't believe it . Then he frowned . Albert elbowed him . " Nah , he 's messing with you . And yes , I can believe it . This happens every year , right between September and November , not exactly a mystery that defies understanding . " " I know , it just seems unreal it 's here already , dumbass . What 're you guys doing tonight ? Wanna grab a movie or meet up in Warcraft ? " " Cool . See ya . . . One Hung Lo . " He clapped Albert on the back before he walked away . Chris braced himself for shoulder slap he knew was coming . Roger hit a little harder than he meant to . " Later , " Chris said . An outsider looking in would probably wonder why he or Albert had anything to do with Roger . But he was harmless , and he had a good heart under all the layers of bullshit . He and Albert were two of the few people who 'd ever bothered to look that deep . They got along , and had each other 's backs , and aside from Roger 's need to call Albert Chinese names , they were friends . If Albert was going to play World of Warcraft , he wouldn 't be coming over . Chris was okay with it , because he wanted time alone to reflect on the man in the parking lot . Reflect , he thought , grinning at how his reflection might require tissues and a locked bedroom door . He shifted in his seat , and drank his milkshake . He dropped Albert at his house and headed home , the sky a deepening gray when he pulled into the driveway . His dad 's truck was gone , but light shone out the kitchen window on the side . He hoped his mom hadn 't cooked a big dinner , because he 'd forgotten to warn her he might stop for a snack . He turned , and the backpack he 'd carried on one shoulder slid off with a thump . The man from the parking lot stood at the bottom of the three steps , close enough to touch . How had he gotten there without Chris hearing him ? How had he gotten that close ? Chris ' mouth dropped open as he took in the dark hair that shone despite the fading light . The man 's intense eyes made Chris ' blood heat up , and the stubble accenting his face tempted Chris to reach out , trace the sharp angle of his jaw . Chris ' gaze went where his fingers couldn 't , down the man 's corded neck to the strong shoulders , the chest . He guessed the guy was over six feet tall , and his black leather jacket didn 't hide the strength beneath that Chris wanted to press his palms against . Chris was frozen , and as the man pressed harder against him and took another deep breath , a shudder went through him . The scent of leather was the next thing Chris noticed , then the warm skin against his . He smelled musky in the best possible way - male and earthy and fresh . Chris ' dad opened the door and stepped out . He was a little taller than Chris , but not as tall as the leathered - up guy who 'd just sniffed his neck , so the stranger was definitely over six - feet tall . His dad wore khaki pants and a blue and green plaid shirt , his idea of casual wear . It made his reddish hair look even redder under the light . Lukas hadn 't meant to grab him and back him against the house , but Chris ' scent was better than the woods after rain . That alone might have compelled him do it . Yet the scent of pack that was there but couldn 't be there agitated him to the point he had no choice but to do whatever he could to figure it out . He thought an up - close sniff might help him decipher it . Chris ' dad crossed his arms in front of his chest , one corner of his mouth curved up . " Nothing ? I saw you two , making out on the porch right in broad daylight . " At least Chris ' dad didn 't seem angry . Lukas held his hand out and used it as an opportunity to step closer . " Lukas Vance . Chris has told me a lot about you . " " He has , has he ? " Chris ' dad said as he shook Lukas ' hand . " Tyler Keenan , at your service . If you ever need a comprehensive whole life plan , let me know . But you young fellas think you 'll live forever , so I won 't hold my breath . " Lukas smiled at the peculiar man , then cut his eyes to Chris , trying to convey the need for Chris to play along . His mouth still hung open . Lukas was tempted to put his fingers under Chris ' chin and close it . " Oh , slightly older man . " Tyler clasped his hands together . " Well . Ahem . It was nice to meet you , Lukas . I 'll let the two of you . . . I 'll let you . . . " He waved his hands a bit , then laughed . " Well , goodnight . " Chris gaped and shook his head . He ran his fingers through his soft - looking hair and glared at Lukas like he might be the craziest person he 'd ever known . But after a few tense moments , he said , " That okay , Dad ? " " Why , sure ! You know , " Tyler said as he held the door for Lukas , " Chris hasn 't brought a guy home since high school , none but the usual friends . Though maybe I shouldn 't be tell - " " Sorry . " He turned to Lukas . " My wife ran out for a few things , but I 'm sure she 'll be happy to meet you , too . I 've got some paperwork , but make yourself at home . Good night , then . Right . " Tyler clapped him on the shoulder before he disappeared down the hallway . His old Chevy Caprice sputtered as he slowed for another stop sign , reminding him it was tune - up and oil change time . Had the trip been planned , he 'd have done it before driving for six hours . It 'd be twelve after he figured out it was all for nothing and made the trip back home . The list had been tucked under one of his wiper blades while he 'd been in the grocery store the night before . He 'd tried to shrug it off as a prank or someone who 'd left the note on the wrong car , but the strangeness of it kept pulling at him . And if the cryptic list of towns wasn 't bizarre enough , no human scent clung to the paper . Could be the breeze washed it away . Could be something else . He 'd figured Lorton was only six hours away . It couldn 't hurt to check it out . But it could hurt like hell , it could haunt him , if he ignored his instincts and didn 't go . You were a kid , Lukas . Give yourself a break , his brother 's voice sounded in his head , the same words he 'd said more than a few times . Then , as now , Lukas heard bitterness underneath . Blame . The words sounded like lip service when the voice saying them was tight with pain that would never go away . Lukas shook his head to clear it . He rubbed his cheek , the usual two - day stubble rasping under his fingernails . He felt trapped inside his skin and wanted to pull over and run , so he pressed his nose to the sleeve of his leather jacket , letting the scent calm him as it always did . Even though guilt came with it , as it probably always would . Lukas frowned . It would be wrong to sit there and do nothing , even though he 'd rather stay in the car until the boy got up and rode away . If the kid had a bone sticking out somewhere or started screaming , of course Lukas would help him . But if it wasn 't necessary , he 'd rather keep to himself . Pack came to Lukas on the air , the scent unmistakable . He opened his mouth to taste it and breathe it in . Blood . Death . He whipped his head side to side , took a few steps left , then right , trying to hone in on the exact direction it came from . A growl rumbled in his chest . Chris didn 't slow , but held up a raised middle finger , laughing . Albert was the one who 'd wanted to race , though they 'd been parked all the way across campus . Parmenter was probably one of the smaller community colleges in Illinois , but it was still a solid run from the science building to the corner lot where Chris had parked . " And Albert Molasses Gage loses again , " Chris said as Albert took the last few steps , panting and shaking his head . Chris patted his cheek . " When 're you gonna learn , bro ? If you 're flirting with a pretty girl and want to show off , challenging me to a race isn 't the way to do it . " " No secret . Just got taller , I think . " Chris unlocked the car and laughed when Albert collapsed into the passenger seat as if his bones wouldn 't hold him up anymore . " Not if she has any sense . " Chris carefully backed out and made an effort not to go over the 10 mph limit . He didn 't need another ticket from the rent - a - cop campus officers . Chris sighed . " Yes , she 's smart and pretty . Just like Elizabeth Brainerd , the one you were all a - flitter for yesterday . And Ashley Brown , the week before that . " " Elizabeth chews with her mouth wide open . And Ashley asked me where I was from . When I said I was from Hunter 's Rock , she said no , I mean , where in Asia . Which is annoying on its own , right ? But when I said I was born in South Korea , she said , and I 'm not kidding , I was lucky to get out with that Kim Chung guy running things the way he did . " Albert fished a water bottle from his backpack and took a long drink . " I just agreed with her . I could have corrected his name and explained things , but she 's probably challenged trying to tell left from right , let alone north from south . Can you imagine ? " He cupped his own cheeks and spoke in a soft , Valley girl accent with comically wide eyes . " Oh my god , you were only there as a baby and you still look so Asian , isn 't that something ? She was stacked , but I have my standards . " Chris turned and headed toward The Cream Machine up the road from the college . " So is this one a little more intellectual ? Maybe you 'd have better luck if you 'd stop picking potential dates by their bra sizes . " " No , they all have rippled abs and perfect pecs and butts you could bounce a quarter off of . But I 'm the shallow one ? Nope . You 're as guilty as I am . " Chris smiled , but he knew it wasn 't true . Of course guys like that were attractive , but Chris only flirted with them because he was pretty sure nothing would ever happen . If they were way out of his league , he wasn 't in danger of being asked out or propositioned . As Chris pulled into a spot in front of The Cream Machine 's front window , Albert said , " Oh , look . Elizabeth 's here with some guy . I hope he enjoys the entire process of mastication , because she doesn 't mess around . " Albert unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to lie down with his head in Chris ' lap . " Why does it have to be so hard ? I should start working out and then we can date each other . You don 't gross me out , you 're smart , and you have a car . " He batted his eyes at Chris . " And I know you like dark hair , baby . " Albert slammed his car door . " I know why you picked this place today . It 's the guy with the long sideburns who you thought flirted with you that one time when he was scooping your mint chocolate chip . " " You 're imposs - " Chris ' voice caught in his throat as he noticed a guy about a dozen cars away and three rows over in the strip mall parking lot . Dark hair , dark stubble , dark eyes . Dark intense eyes that looked back at Chris . A decent distance stretched between them , but Chris could make out his features as well as if he were in the next car . He came crisply into focus in a way nothing else did . Lukas followed the dark green Toyota from the college campus to the ice cream shop up the street . He wondered how it had been so easy to find this kid when the girl in Paleyville had been a pain in the ass to locate . This time , he 'd decided to cruise through the nearby college campus with his window down on a hunch , since the other two had been students . The boy in Lorton had been a mangled mess when Lukas had found him . The local police had beaten him to the scene , which was a good thing . If he 'd been there , hunched over the body as they approached , the overwhelming scent of death and blood might have kept him from sensing them until it was too late . He didn 't have time for jail . The victim was Brent Hollister , twenty , not from Lorton but there visiting an uncle on a short road - trip from college . The uncle was the immediate suspect , but was ruled out pretty quickly in the minds of the townspeople . None of them believed he was capable of such a thing . After he had that information , he drove to Paleyville , a state over in Missouri . It took him three days to catch the scent of pack , this time without blood and death clinging to it . The pack scent was still wrong , there where it shouldn 't be , but at least the person it belonged to was alive . He 'd picked it up again later that night , but this time it was drenched in blood . The smells of grass , leaves and bark from his vantage point in a tree several blocks away from the scene couldn 't block the scent of death and pack . He 'd perched in the branches of a huge , nearby oak that made it easy to hear when someone showed up at the crime scene screaming her name . Jennifer was dead . Parmenter Community College seemed to serve several small towns in the area , including Hunter 's Rock . It was as good as place as any to start looking for a sophomore - aged kid . As soon as he 'd driven onto the campus , window rolled down to make it easier , the scent hit him . Not blood this time . Not death . Something . . . intriguing . Lukas ' heartbeat picked up , the pulse in his neck vibrating as blood surged through him . If the scent had hit him on any ordinary day , he would have pursued it until he found the source . It called to him , teased him . The boy - no , not a boy , his scent wasn 't a kid 's but a young man 's - dashed across paved walks and grass , weaved through and around other students , and disappeared into a crowded triangular lot . The angle made it hard to see much , but what he could see - warm - looking skin , carefree , dark brown hair , a lean build - he liked . Lukas stopped his car right in the road before the lot to watch another young man running behind him , much slower , less gracefully . He wasn 't pack . A car honked behind him . He drove on and turned into the lot of a gray stone and glass building with a sign in the window advertising the drama department 's performance of Our Town . His breath steamed up the windshield glass though it wasn 't a particularly cool day . |
Spark came out of his bedroom tonight and announced that he needed a spice bag . Why , you may wonder ? To keep his stuffed animals from snoring , of course . I 'm sure that he was thinking of this because we had just made a spice bag to put in the ketchup we are making . On the way back to bed he had to show off his snoring cure to his sister . A couple minutes later she came out to see if she could get one too . I didn 't think she would need one since her stuffed animals are all girls , and girls don 't snore . She persisted and we made her one . Snoring CureOne small stick of cinnamon , broken into 1 / 2 inch pieces1 tsp whole cloves 1 tsp whole allspiceCrush the last 2 ingredients between 2 spoons . Put all three ingredients into a piece of cloth , pull up the 4 corners and tie up with a strip of cloth . Wave the spice bag in front of any snoring stuffed animals . WorldRecordZucchini ! ! ! Crowds Amazed ! ! Citizens Stare , Mouths AgapeEnd to WorldHunger ProclaimedOK , as you might have guessed this photo may have been altered . This is the first zucchini from the garden this year . We would normally have had hundreds of these by now ( we sell a lot of zucchini at the Farmers Market ) . Our weather has been pretty weird this season , it has been cool and dry . Usually it is hot in July and August with enough rain , even hot and dry would be better as we can water . There 's no great way to heat a whole garden by 20 some degrees . Today there was a small zucchini in the garden , our first zucchini of the year ! I went ahead and picked it in case it the first and last . When I checked the temperature this morning , at 9 : 00 , it was 41 degrees . That 's after three hours of sunshine . There are a lot of small zucchini on the plants so there will probably be more , and , hey , it 's doing better than the Dwarf Fruitless Okra ( I could have sworn the packet said ' Clemson Spineless ' ) Here 's a more accurate headline for the zucchini : Family ScoffsatPuny Produce " Are you sure that 's a zucchini " quips son . On the bright side the tomatoes and peppers ( and pigweed , dandelions and lambs quarter ) are doing great . They say that " hope springs eternal " , I 'll keep you posted on the amazing bounty of the arctic , desert garden . Sunday morning began like many other Sunday mornings , but all is not well . Dancer and the Mom were taking showers before church but the water was not running briskly down the drain as it might with a normally functioning septic system . The water instead was " starting to pile up " . An unfortunate start to a busy day . No time to investigate at the time , we needed to continue on to church to help set up a potluck . After returning home we looked closer for the cause . A quick check of various drains showed the septic system was to blame . The Mom called around and a septic pumping outfit right near our place could come out . Miraculously , the owner said he didn 't charge extra for a Sunday call . " If my toilet quit working I 'd want help - - weekend or not " he said . He was surprised the septic level alarm didn 't go off . I checked and the alarm light was flashing but unfortunately the the " silent " function was on . The lift pump is broken and we 'll get that replaced later this week , for $ 400 - $ 500 : ( But we had the holding tank pumped out so we can use everything in the mean time . As the gentleman was pumping it out I thought it was taking a long time so I asked why . " You 've got a really thick crust on your sludge , really really thick . " Wow . What does one say in reply ? Should I be proud of my really , really thick septic sludge crust , or should I hang my head in shame ? Thick or thin , like a pizza ? What does it mean ? Too much fibre , too little fat ? Some sort of vitamin deficiency ? In the end I went with the neutral response , " Well there ya go " , I replied . The waste water system of our homestead is functioning , the audible septic level alarm is on and we are off to enjoy a sunny Sunday afternoon . How thick is your crust ? Spark and Dad made this model Shuttle Xpress rocket tonight . Next year at the fair he will shot it off at the 4 - H Rocket Launch . We have had if for a couple of weeks but didn 't have the right kind of glue to put it together . Spark has been beside himself waiting to rip open the package and assemble it . We went to the hardware store to get rabbit food this afternoon and found the right glue for the project while there . Had I know they had the glue we would have gotten some sooner but I assumed I would have had to go back to the craft store to get it . I guess I should have thought to go in there , it isn 't a very big store but they do have about two of every thing under the sun . Posted by The kids were fortunate that they were able to have another brother / sister duo over today . Since we live a long way from everything , and it seems our friends live a long way from everything in other directions , it is quite a feat to get to have friends over . Usually we see them at events . Today though the other kids mother was passing through our town and back on her way to a meeting and when that happens we usually will call and see if the other family is free for the day . When they called last night she gave all kind of ideas that they could do today . They can just play I told her . She seemed beside herself with this thought . Today when they came the kids played some Wii , made Shrinky Dinks , took out all the rabbits , had Dancer 's goat out and a few other little things . The mom came and we chatted for a while . When they were leaving I said how great this was and we should try harder to get the kids together . Yes , she says , maybe we could do art or science or something . Or maybe they could just play . We have tried to get together with other homeschool families too that all want their kids doing something will count for class . Why is so hard for some homeschoolers to just let their kids play with friends ? is starting to show up in the trees . We took the kids swimming for a better portion of the afternoon because it is suppose to be cold for at least the next five days , in the 60 's , and we worried this may be the last chance we have to go this year . On the way home I could see a yellow tint to the trees , they are not as vibrant green as they were just yesterday . In a few spots there is already completely yellow leaves . Usually the fall colors sneak up on me but this year I seem to be able to feel them stealing the few precious days of summer we have left . I am not ready for yellow to take over yet . I sort of feel like we might be at the end of an era . Dancer is going to be 7th grade and 13 years old this winter . Will she want to go to the beach and splash in the intertubes with her brother ? Will she think she is to mature to watch Disney movies ? Will a family bike ride still be something to look forward to ? Will she still hold my hand sometimes when we are walking ? Will she fight Spark to be the first one to give me good morning kisses ? Are there things I don 't even know are happening for the last time and don 't know to savor them ? Stay away yellow , I 'm not ready yet . Either grow corn yourself or find a place to buy good quality corn at the peak of ripeness . Our neighbor sells it for $ 2 . 50 a dozen delivered on my door step . I can 't afford to grow it at that price and convenience . We bought 2o dozen and did nine dozen tonight . Here we have it all cleaned and the quality control cat has come in to say we did a good job . All the husks go to the goats for a treat . We blanch our corn and other veggie we freeze outside for two reasons . First , the propane cooker heats the water up much faster and I can then use a bigger pot , this one holds 1 1 / 2 dozen ears at a time . Secondly , then I don 't have all that humidity in the house . Put the ears in boiling water and start counting as soon as they are in . We blanch for 7 minutes , other people might tell you a different amount of time but this has always worked wonderfully for us . After seven minutes take it out with a tongs and plunge it in cold water to stop the cooking action . I change the water after every batch so that is is always icy cold . Once the corn is cool lay it on a bath towel to drain . If you take the corn straight out of the water and cut it , the end product has a lot of water in it . I don 't think it freezes as nice with the extra water in it . Cut the corn off the cobs . This cutter is from the American Corn Cutter Co . The box says that you can cut a year 's worth of corn in less than an hour and they are not kidding . Our neighbor said that her mother can cut corn off the cob really fast with a knife , but she went and bought one of these and is going to challenge her mom this year to see if it is faster . I think it just has to be as three or four cobs can be cut a minute , yes a minute . This is about a third of what we froze . It is all ready to go in the bags . After filling the bags with corn and before closing them squeeze out as much air as possible . Close the top of the bag about 9 / 10th of the way , squeeze the bag and quickly close the rest of the way . Bagged and ready to go in the freezer . Dancer wrote the year on the bags and sPosted by We were married by a pastor that was an interim pastor at the church I went to as a kid . We had the wedding and went happily on our way . About a week later we got a call from the court house that the pastor who married us wasn 't licensed to perform weddings in our state and therefore they couldn 't process our marriage license . I called my mom , who called the pastor that was at our church before this pastor came to fill in until they could find a new full time one . The pastor that was there before had moved to a position at the office that governs all the churches of the denomination and therefore was the logical person to call . My mom called back and said that he would take care of it . We never heard anything else so we have assumed that all was well but never checked into it officially . Over the years we have joked a few times that maybe we really aren 't married . In over 20 years we never had to prove that we were married . . . . . until now . The hospital where the dad works is doing an audit on the insurance to verify that everyone an employee is claiming on their insurance is really someone they can claim . To prove that I can be carried on his insurance we needed to send in a copy of our marriage license . Hmmm , hopefully that isn 't going to a problem because the state we live in doesn 't recognize common law marriages . We hold our breath as the dad calls the court house and they tell him he needs to come in to get it . This morning he stopped on his way home from work and they had a license on file for us . The part where it lists where the pastor is able to perform marriages is crossed off and county in our state was written in , but it is official ! Posted by I was out to lunch with a friend when she said that she hoped she could get to the gas station down the street a couple of blocks because she was driving on fumes . It seems her husband had used the car all weekend and left it for her with no gas . That , in my mind , is so unacceptable . I rarely , like maybe once or twice a year , pump gas . I will wash the windows when we stop so the dad can fill but that is as close as I like to get to putting the nozzle into the tank . The main reason I hate putting gas in the car is because we have this crazy gas cap on the van that is like a safety cap on a pill bottle . It has to be pushed in and jiggled just right or the thing will not come off . The dad oddly doesn 't seem to have this problem . So if I do have to get gas I am already worried that I won 't be able to get the gas cap removed before I have even turned the ignition off . When I get out I just know that they are watching on those security monitors in the store . I can hear them in there saying " Hey everybody , look at this woman trying to get her gas cap off " as they fall down laughing . The longer it takes me to get it off I start to wonder if I will end up at their Christmas party where they show funny videos from the year prior that has happened at their store . My other fear is , if I can 't get it off , do I go in and ask for help or just drive off ? I imagine them calling the cops that I was a drive off and then when they pull me over with the sirens screaming and the lights flashing I will have to tell the officer that no I didn 't steal any gas , I can 't get my gas cap off . The other reason I don 't like to do it is because gas pumps hate me . Truly , along with copy machines , they hate me . I had to stop once to pump gas because I was out of town , the dad wasn 't with and I wouldn 't have gotten back home without running out of gas . I stopped at a station and got the cap off but then I couldn 't get the pump to pump . I went into the store and told the teenage clerk that my pump wouldn 't pump and she said you pumped $ 19 something inPosted by Dancer wants to do a 4 - H project on different ways of reducing the erosion of lake shores . We went Grandma and Grandpa 's to go out on their lake and take some pictures of different ways that people have prepared their shores to try and save them from the waves and ice eating away at the shore . I guess we have never taken the boat out before with Spark since he has been old enough to remember it . We get out on the lake where Dancer , Dad and I are enjoying the ride and the scenery when we hear Spark yelling " Take me back " ! I look to front of the boat where he is sitting and see him white knuckled hanging on to both side of the boat . He wanted to sit in the front of the boat becuase then he was the furthest off the water compared to the back or middle . The three of us are having such a good time and he is having a panic attack . Just relax we tell him this is suppose to be fun . Next we hear him saying over and over , " I am going to be sea sick , I am going to be sea sick , I am going to be sea sick . " Your fine we tell him . We keep going and by the time we were part way around the lake he had gotten use to the boat and was loving it . He still didn 't want Dad to drive very fast though . When we were ready to go back into shore , he wanted to go around the lake again . Now he is looking forward to the next time we go to their house so he can go for a boat ride . Go figure . That was then . . . . This is now . These trees have just never worked very well . A couple years ago I cut the branches off the first one and I don 't know why I never did get around to doing the rest of them . They were impossible to mow around because the the branches reached to ground . The weeds under them were terrible and it always looked so unkept . Animals have hidden under them and pulled in ducks om ar chickens to eat . They blocked the view of half of the corral so from the house we couldn 't see the goats if they were down at the other end . But today we trimmed them ! It is hard to tell from the picture that the end one is cut up about 12 feet . It took the four of us a steady two hours of work to get it done and all the branches hauled over to the fire pit . Now we wonder why we never made it priority to finish this project sooner . And it was all done before 12 : 30 ! And I actually feel like we accomplished something tangible today ! This time of year is always the same . What activities are we going to be a part of and what ones are we not . We live were there are a lot of homeschoolers . While that is a blessing , it also means that there are so many programs that could be taking up all our time and money . In and of themselves , they are all good . The down fall is that we could be gone every single day at activities . The kids would love that option , but I always say that if you homeschool , you do need to be home once in awhile . I also know from past years that doing too much makes me a crazy , crabby mother . We have been through the too much going on cycle twice . That is when we have a year where we are running , running , running to where it is hard for me to keep track if we are backing out of the driveway or driving in . Then the next year I vow we will do less and we are home and the kids are stir crazy . This last cycle I did a little better with the cutting so much out and it seemed like a good balance . I hope to repeat that balance again this year . Now that it is almost fall , we are looking at what is going to be on the chopping block and what we will fit into our schedule . Some of what we had to choose from was soccer , band , library buddies , science class , horseback riding lessons , co - ops , Awana , youth group , and so on . A lot of these are no brainers because there isn 't enough interest there so it is easy to pass them over . Others take some thought , prayer and tough choices . Finally , I think we have the list for fall . Some of these make a commitment only through November so we can reevaluate then if we want to sign up again or not . We can do anything for two and half months - right ? Spark is going to be in 4 - H , homeschool gym at the YMCA which includes swimming lessons ( the reason it got included ) , flag football through community ed , 4 - H After - school adventures , and Sunday school . Dancer is going to be in one dance group ( she wanted two ) , 4 - H , and a book club . My goal is that this will be a good balance for us . We have a fairly active 4 - H club , Posted by by DadThis morning I took the dog out to potty and noticed a large shape out of the corner of my eye . In back of the house , under an apple tree , was a Bald Eagle eating one of the ducks . We had thundestorms last night and the ducks had been making a racket playing in water by a down spout through the early morning . The eagle took flight as soon as I noticed it . The pup and I went to check out carcass . There was a six foot diameter circle of feathers and scattered " duck parts " . It must have been working on it a while as usually birds of prey just eat some organs , a few chunks of breast and fly off . It 's possible that something else killed the duck as this noble bird isn 't too proud too eat carrion . If you have been following the blog you know the ducks are being a nuisance in the garden and having one less is fine . Recalling the ducks rampage through the bell pepper garden I say " Fly on majestic bird , enjoy your ' Duck on a Bed of Apple Leaves ' and come back soon " The guys had a night planned of pot luck and a fantasy football draft with other nurses and staff from the hospital . Spark has been very excited about this . This afternoon he baked brownies and got them all ready to go for the occasion . Here he is just about the get in the truck to go with his treats . All the women nurses at the draft told him how great it was that he baked and that they were so good . Dad said he was just beaming . He is still so excited that he wants to sit up all night and talk football . Since the guys had a night out planned , Dancer and I decided that we should get a night out too . We went to dinner and ran a couple errands before her dance class . It is really fun to go with her alone . First , because we never hardly get to do anything alone . She is usually the one that has all the activities . Spark and I have tons of time to do things while she is at dance so while it is super fun to do things alone with him , it is the norm . The second reason is because then we can talk uninterrupted . It is hard to talk girl talk when you are in the presence of an eight year old boy . Posted by The swamp flower I posted pictures of on Thursday has a name ! It is quite an interesting specimen . It has the two names in the title and enough other ones to qualify it for a witness protection program . It goes by the names Jewelweed , Snapweed , Jack - jump - up - and - kiss - me , Kicking - colt , Lady 's Eardrop and Horns - of - plenty . The plant of many names grows in creek banks , swamps and moist forests . When the seed pods are ripe , a slight touch will send the seeds flinging as far as five feet away . This is the first year I have noticed them so there must have been a lot of seed flinging going on last year . However , we did plant a fern down in the swamp so perhaps it came along with that plant as I saw a ton of them in the ditch were we got the fern . It can be used to treat poison ivy , stinging nettles ( which we call burn weed ) and athlete 's foot . It is an ideal addition to humming bird and butterfly gardens . The ducks have been dining on our green peppers . Three of them were inside the fence munching away on the peppers when I chased them down and caught one of them . She was quacking profusely as I carried her down to the creek . At the same time , the rest of the family was trying to drive the other ducks through the ditch and to the creek . The ducks took a wrong turn and headed back up to the yard . I threw her into the creek anyway hoping she would find utopia and stay there , or better yet , invite the rest of them to join her . No such luck . About 10 minutes after I threw her in , she comes prancing up to the barn quacking her unhappiness to all who would listen . Next step was to make it obvious where to get down to the creek , after all , the other duck found her way back so easily without a trail so with a trail they should head right to the creek . Dad went down to the swamp with the weed whacker , made them a trail to follow and make it more enticing to go to the creek . We start driving them down to the path and they veer off to the corral . We give them time to regroup and try again . This time they find the path , go half way down it and zoom off to the left into the weeds . Spark tried to keep them going towards the creek but they just couldn 't figure it out . This time it took all of them about an hour to figure out how to get back up to the house . What duck wouldn 't want to swim and live in a creek ? We will just have to reinforce the fence around the garden . Ducks make chickens look smart . This past week has just thrown me way off kilter . On Monday Dancer decided to start school . We have had our new material since early last spring , mostly what she picked out , and she just couldn 't wait anymore to get started . That was fine to start , but I wasn 't ready and didn 't have anything together for her . I spent the better part of the morning ordering books from the library , a long process with dial up Internet , and quickly looking over what she had already started doing . Tuesday it got terribly hot and humid out . That was the day Dancer 's goat Eeyore got over heated and we spent the afternoon trying to get him back to normal . The rest of the week with him has been spent worrying that he was too hot . We checked him about every 15 - 30 minutes all day long . The make shift pen we made for him so he could be under the trees turned out to just be an inconvenience for him . Almost every time we checked on him on Wednesday he was out of it . The kids kept piling more lawn chairs , tables , kiddie pools , buckets , saw horses , and anything else they could think of that might keep him in his enclosure . By Thursday they had something constructed that , for the most part , kept him in , but the area he had to walk around in was ever shrinking . On Friday we finally made him an enclosure out of fencing materials and now we can leave him without worrying he will wander where he shouldn 't . At night we were still worried about him being too hot in the barn and went out and check him multiple times . The temps were so hot in there we would start sweating just from filling water buckets . We couldn 't leave him outside at night because we worry about dogs and because he would have been scared outside all alone . Several of our other animals didn 't look so great in the heat either , they would be breathing heavy long after the temps had cooled down . On Wednesday , when I was looking up in the 4 - H newsletter what time Spark 's day camp was on Thursday , I saw that Dancer had to have a resume and project report for her state fair entry into thePosted by I saw this flower down in the swamp but I don 't know what it is , some sort of weed . The colors are so vibrant , the shape so unusual and the way it hung off the plant so peculiar . It is also quite small , about the size of the end of my thumb . By SparkI got up early this morning to go to day camp . I had to bring a sack lunch . I was the first boy there . First , we played a game called the name train . You go around hopping like a bunny asking people their name . After you ask somebody you have to yell out their name the you follow behind them and hop to the next person . The person you just asked asks someone else their name , yell it out , they join the line and hop to the next person until everyone has joined the train . We sang the song the bedbugs and the skeeters were having a game of ball and Waddleleeatcha . We played a bunch of relays . We got a dish with lots of cups in it and the three primary colors . Then we mixed the colors together to make a color for every dish . You could even mix colors in a tray . We made sun ray bracelets that turn color when the UV rays get strong and you should put on sunscreen . We colored on bandannas with Sharpies and dropped alcohol on the drawings and the colors ran . We learned about the colors dividing off of something . We had lunch . We got these really cool hard clear things that when they sit in water they get huge and they are see through . We watched and were in commercials during our popcorn and juice snack . It was weird not to be there with my sister this year . Spark said matter a factly as he came in from the barn this morning . So much for our dull , dull day I was pining for yesterday . The little boy goats got out during the night and tore the rabbit feeders off their hutches . Goats for some reason go loco over rabbit food . Once the feeders were off , the rabbits were free to crawl through the gaping holes where the feeders use to be and enjoy free rein of the barn . There were rabbits bouncing around everywhere ! Everything is back in it 's proper place after a little rabbit rodeo roundup . The full moon was last Thursday , what 's with all this mayhem ? The day was going along just like any other . The kids went out to get the mother hen with her babies as they had climbed through a fence and she couldn 't get through . Spark had just been out about 20 minutes earlier and everyone seemed fine but now Dancer 's little goat Eeyore was laying limp in the barn . He has serious trouble with getting over heated but today wasn 't that warm so perhaps it was just cumulative from the last few warmer days . I zoom out to the barn while Dancer is screaming that he his dead . I hoist him up and run out to the shade where I can see that he is still alive . We start to spray water on him and he comes to , but it is obvious that something is terribly amiss . Dancer is crying and screaming and working herself into a tizzy all the while I am trying to get him up . It took a good two and a half hours , repeated cool baths with the hose , a bottle of Gatorade and a dose of Keto Drench but he did start acting like his old self again . By the end of all the commotion Dancer only had tears running down her cheeks so she pulled it together well too . Spark has been praying for him to be okay on and off through all this and when he finally is Spark says , " we have witnessed a miracle ! " Eeyore was very tired after he got back to normal so Dancer and Spark laid with him on a bedspread on the lawn while he slept and petted him . What a lucky goat . Dancer had a dance lesson this evening so we made a make shift pen for him outside hoping that he would stay in it while we were gone . He did , but some of the other goats got out while we were in town . They ate the ends off of the snowball bush that they had striped earlier this spring and was just looking promising that it was coming back . They also took out a clematis that was finally flowering . Being relieved that Eeyore was still in his pen and okay made it seem like a minor issue . May tomorrow be a dull , dull day . Finally , we got a tomato from the garden . There are hundreds hanging out there in the garden and they are all green as green can be . But yesterday , yesterday out of the corner of my eye I caught tiny sliver of red as I walked by the plants . Way down at the bottom , nestled under other green tomatoes and leaves , was this huge beauty . We enjoyed it on a slice of peanut butter toast . In the whole wide world , this is the best way to eat a tomato . Our two pastors and Spark . The little girl there was also going to be baptized and she was watching very closely . The pastor is asking Spark a couple questions . My mother , I am sure , has made more than a thousand batches of these cookies over 50 plus years of marriage . They are my dad 's favorite and were ever present in the cookie jar that adorns their counter top . If he was home , before he went to bed he would sit at the table , have a glass of milk and two cookies . If he was working , he was conductor for the BN which took him away from home for a few days at a time , she would pack them in his lunch . Now my mother suffers dementia and always thinks that he has just eaten the last cookie and she needs to make more . Sadly , Mom 's baking days are behind her so he has not had these cookies for a few years . They came to visit this week so for a treat for him I made him up a batch to send home with them . I am sure mine didn 't compare to my mothers but he seemed happy to have them just the same . Mom 's Peanut Butter Cookies1 / 2 C . white sugar1 / 2 C . brown sugar1 / 2 C . shortening1 egg1 / 2 C . peanut butter1 1 / 2 C . flour1 tsp . baking soda1 / 4 tsp . saltCream sugar and shortening . Add egg and peanut butter . Stir well and if you want coconut this the time to add it . Add flour , soda , baking soda and salt . Form ball shapes on a spoon and put on baking sheet . Cross the balls with a fork . Bake 350 degrees about 9 - 13 minutes . Tonight was the last night of vacation bible school for Spark . The service project was a food drive for the local food shelf . If the kids brought 750 items for the food shelf the youth pastor would jump in a pool of slime . Guess who came home full of slime ? Yep , Spark . It must have looked really fun because as soon as the youth pastor got out , the kids started to climb in and throw the slime at each other . If I wasn 't an adult I probably would have been right in there too ! I had a meeting afterwards so the kids helped clean up and then waited around for me . We came home late with lots of slime still in his hair . Because I didn 't feel like dealing with it tonight , tomorrow when he hits the bathtub we will see if it really " washes right out ' , otherwise , he will be getting an impromptu hair cut . We met some homeschool friends at the park this morning so that the kids could play and us adults could have some grown up conversation . I always think of other homeschool parents as coworkers if we had any and some times it is nice to chat with someone in the same business . The park is in a neighborhood that when it is wet out there is a little creek that runs through it into a big swamp . There was a little water in the creek this morning and it had frogs in it . The kids had a great time catching and putting them in cups that they found . Oh , and one mother 's water glass she brought with , but it isn 't going to be her glass anymore now that it has had frogs in it . All the kids had a great time doing this except two of Dancer 's friends . They thought at 12 years of age that they were just way to cool for this activity . I was glad that Dancer didn 't cave to their coolness and went down with the younger kids . She had a great time while they sat on the slides sulking . I guess once you make a big , loud announcement that you aren 't going to catch frogs because it is dumb and your friend doesn 't follow you , you either have to sulk or take it back and go play . Hopefully next time they will join in with the other kids because the sulking girls looked bored and irritated . Which , now that I type that , would make sense since that is what sulking is . A sad thing about the frogs was that about half of them only had one back leg . One had a short stubby leg with a couple toes , one had a bump where a leg should have grown and the rest had nothing to mark a leg spot . I would have had a picture but didn 't think there would be anything to take a picture of so we left the camera home . I am pretty sure the lack of legs was related to the beautiful weed free lawns in the surrounding house and the park which didn 't even have a patch of clover in it . I wonder if when people start having legless children , they will rethink their perfect lawns . Dad made this recipe up to use an over abundance of refried beans we seem to have acquired lately . It was quite spicy but has mellowed as it has sat in the fridge overnight . We ate it on nachos for lunch but it would also be good on toast . Spicy Refried Bean Dip half a can of Ro * tel or more if you really like spicy1 can of refried beansdried chives - 3 tbsp . 1 / 2 cup diced sausage1 / 2 cup minced onions1 / 2 can enchilada sauce or tomato sauceFinely chop sausage . Spark was really enjoying that part , perhaps he was taking out some aggressions . Mix all together and heat . This pot was not big enough so get out a two quart one or you will just have more dishes to do . Serve with some shredded Parmesan cheese , a bit of cilantro and cheese nachos . Posted by because when you find your darling daughters chap stick and lip gloss in the washer it will be okay . I was unloading the darks from the washer when I looked in the bottom and saw both her chap stick and lip gloss . With a crazed look on my face I reached in , pulled them out , snapped the cover off the chap stick and to my delight saw that it was still intact and not melted all over the load of clothes I had just washed . Although I hadn 't seen anything amiss when pulling the clothes out , I assumed that there would be a glob of goo mixed somewhere in them , but no , all was well . The only thing that happened to the lip gloss was it lost it 's label . So green living or not , I would suggest always wash in cold if you have kids . We were at a park so I took the opportunity to work a bit on perfecting my talent with the sports setting on the camera . They make it sound so easy in the book . I guess even the professionals take boat loads of pictures before they get one they are happy with . Posted by Peach Butter recipeIngredients4 - 4 1 / 2 pounds of peaches . I usually figure about four peaches to the pound . 1 / 2 cup water4 cups sugar1 - 2 tbsp . cinnamonUse peaches that are ripe but still firm . Wash and remove pits . Cut up peaches removing any bad spots but leave the skins on . Add a half cup of water . Cook over medium heat about 15 - 20 minutes depending how ripe your fruit is until the peaches are soft . Put the cooked peaches through the food mill to take off the skins . Pour into heavy pot . Mix pulp with 4 cups sugar and up to 2 tbsp . cinnamon . Cook the pulp down until it is thick . Watch it careful so it doesn 't burn . Pour into hot sterilized jars , leave a 1 / 4 inch of head room , wipe of rims , put on lids that have been boiling in water and twist on rings . Put the jars in a water bath or whatever kind of canner you use , we use a steam canner , for 10 minutes . After 10 minutes take them out to cool on the counter and listen for the pops . I just love the popping part ! The three smaller jars will be for Christmas gifts . No one on our gift list really needs anything so we always try to give something they can at least eat . Or Exposition Derby as Spark called it . What a fun time ! We hadn 't been to a demolition derby since we were dating way back when . Now that both the kids are old enough to go to an event and not have to be running to the bathrooms or for snacks all the time we went this year . As we were buying our tickets it was clouding over and threatening rain . We waited to go in because it was sprinkling a bit and but soon the sprinkles stopped and it seemed safe to go into the grand stand . We get in there and it starts to rain , not enough to get soaked , just enough to feel damp . Lighting started flashing in the west and over the loud speaker an announcement proclaims " Get off the metal bleachers immediately , you are sitting on a huge lightening rod " . Well , you didn 't have to tell us twice . We no sooner get out and the rain starts . Then downpours . Then torrential rains . Then the wind picks up . By now though we have scurried into the cattle barns and are safe . It rained like that for 45 minutes and coming down on metal roofs made it sound like the world might be coming to an end . While we were waiting out the storm , Dancer had a good time in the barn bonding with a cow named Zeus . He just would not leave her alone . He was rubbing on her , licking her , moving his head in all directions so she could scratch him and enjoying the little handfuls of hay she was stealing from the cow next to him . Poor Zeus at that moment had an empty feeder . Finally , we got to go back into the grand stand and the show started . All the rain really made the field muddy which makes it more exciting as the cars slide better and mud flys into the stands . The announcer was really good at his job , they shot out t - shirts , guys on the field got the crowd cheering for cars and Auto Value , the sponsor last night , threw lots of trinkets into the stands to make it an exciting show . Spark got a dash board pen holder and he was thrilled . Only at an event like this would he think that a pen holder was so cool . There were a couple engine fires and the sirens sounded asPosted by |
Personality : A free spirit in every sense , Taryn has had a love for adventure since she was a child . She doesn 't like to stay in one place for very long and loves wandering whether in town or in nature . She 's very stubborn , incredibly reckless , and easy to irritate and has a tendency to lose patience with people easily and say things in a very offensive , straight forward manner . She often has a tendency get dirty , her clothes are almost constantly covered in soot , grease , and dirt from working . Despite this , Taryn is a very caring and humble person , though her kindness is subtle and nearly unnoticeable when compared to her brash exterior . Bio : Taryn lived with her two younger sisters , father , and mother in a small , common home . Their home was located at the base of a mountain that dragons inhabited ( but they inhabit many of the mountains , so unless they are hungry or their territories are disturbed , they are too common to be of any concern ) . The town itself was an incredibly popular trading market on a trade route that stretched across several kingdoms . Taryn 's father was a blacksmith who often traveled these routes selling weapons and goods . As she got older and her two sisters were born , Taryn 's father took her in as an apprentice seeing as she was the eldest of three girls . She trained under him until one day , when her father was on the road , he was killed by some highway men . Taryn , 16 at the time , took full responsibility of the household , giving her mother as much time as she needed to mourn . Her brash personality developed as a result of all this , because it was a necessity to be rude to people who were trying to take advantage of her business . It worked and the leechers that now tried to take advantage of her family 's business were few and far between . Now , at 19 , she has gained a good amount of experience in blacksmithing and metalworking , though she stays close to home to take care of her family despite her dreams of adventure . She not only makes tools and weapons , but she can metalwork jewelry and repaThere 's the character profile ! And I added the dragons : D Idk if you want any other magic creatures , but go right ahead and add whatever you want 8D ( OMG I had a best friend names Taryn once and she looked JUST like that . . . Creepy o . o . I miss her . I think she ran away . . . I dunno . Oh , and your picture inspired me to try a little steam - punk so let 's do that if you 're otay with it ? ) Bio : Since he was born into royalty , he has been depressed . He lives every day on schedule , ordered and ushed around by his father and maids and servants . He has had a spark of wild adventure that has yet to be revealed or nursed , but he has seen nothing of the world except what has been read to him from books . He quietly longs to run away from his stuffy , pompous life as he sits in his room inventing gadgets with scrap metal that he manages to sneak in at night . His best friend is a robotic rabbit which he invented when he was younger . In public , he acts like a perfect prince , knowing no one but longing for a real life . He often tends to sneak out at night so he can look up at the sky and think of his dead mother and sister , who were killed by a widespread disease two years ago , but has never been any further than the walls of the kingdom . His father is getting angry because every princess he has ever arranged a marriage with has mysteriously broken their engagement at the last moment . The king swears that if his son does not find a bride in a year , he will be forced to marry a foreign princess . Taryn pulled up her goggles onto her forehead as the steam from the hot iron she just poured water on began to fog up headgear . She was currently forging a new weapon that she would sell in the next town over with quite a few others she managed to make in the past weeks or so . As the steam rose up , Taryn slumped in her chair and wiped some of the sweat that had accumulated off of her brow . After it cooled in the mold , she would have to pull it out and stick it back into the forge to be heated again so it was malleable and she could shape it into anything she wants . Perhaps if she had time , she would metalwork some intricate metal designs onto the hilt to make it look better . Still , she wasn 't sure if she had time to solder something like that , but Taryn would figure it out . After deeming it was cool enough , with practice ease , the young blacksmith lifted the weapon - to - be and stuck it back into the fire only to pull it out when the iron was red hot . She laid it down on her metal slab and began striking it a mallet where she knew she could shape it . Sparks flew as the metal hit metal and the sweat began to bead on her forehead again from the heat . Leon sat up in his bed after another bad dream . It was just getting light outside , but he knew his maid would be in at any moment to get him up for breakfast with his father anyways . He slid from the bed and dressed in his usual white button - up , black and grey checkered vest , brown longcoat , grey tie and white and grey pants . As he tugged on his fingerless leather gloves , something metal thumpled the back of his leg . He jumped a bit then looked down to see the small gold rabbit sitting there , looking up at him with the lit up red eyes and a metallic ear twitching squeakily . Leon smiled weakly and bent to place a drop or two of oil in the rabbit 's joints so it would move more silently . He smiled and nodded gently in approval before standing and going to his bed to fix it . After a moment of contemplating whether or not to let Matilda make his bed , he finally shrugged and just walked away , slipping his socks and boots on before donning his favorite goggles . He looked himself over in the mirror for a second before his eyes wandered to the portrait by his bed . He was there , laughing and smiling with a slightly older woman and a little girl . His mother and sister before the Malaria took them away . He sighed gently and closed his eyes , imagining his mother fixing his hair before he went before his father . After she had finished shaping the metal , Taryn deemed it time to sharpen the longsword she had forged . With one hand tilting the side diagonally against the grinding stone she kept in her workplace , she turned the wheel manually and more sparks began to fly as the blade was ground down to a sharp side that would slowly but surely become the blade . The heat from both the forge and the start of early summer permeated through her workplace , but the blacksmith tried not to dwell on how stifling hot it was . The smell of burning reached her nose and Taryn knew that now the blade was finally being formed . At some point while she was working , Taryn 's youngest sister , Leela , came in and watched her work . She never understood why her sisters did this when they could be out in the town with their schoolmates , but she at the same time , she recalled a time when she would do the same when her father worked . " Hey , kiddo , " she mumbled to the 11 - year - old with a soft smile while not taking her eyes off of her work . Finally , Taryn felt satisfied with the one end of the blade and stopped cranking the round - wheel - like stone . " So what brings you here today ? " she asked casually as she waited for the dust to settle so she could begin the other side . Her sister shifted on her feet , and with a sheepish smile that she completely inherited from their mother she looked up at her older sister . " Can I watch ? " she asked , and Taryn smiled slightly . " Sure , but stay away from the forge and if anyone comes in , let me handle them okay ? " she demanded . She honestly enjoyed the company . Usually when working , Taryn was by herself and it was nice to have someone 's presence even if they didn 't talk . Which they never did considering Taryn was always too focused on her work to do much talking . With another wipe at her brow , she sat up in her chair and angled the other side of the sword against the stone . After an awkward breakfast with his father all the way at the opposite end of the long table , Leon decided to go practice his swordsmanship . Upon entering the weaponry room , he noticed that most of his swords were dull or broken . Wonderful , he though sarcasticly , now I have to find someone to make me a new one . He sighed and wandered through , finding his favorite sword in one piece put so dull it wouldn 't even cut into a log when swung full force . He mounted it in his belt and headed out to the front entrance , where two guards politely asked him to stop . After a few moments of arguing , Leon simply pushed past them and stormed out , whistling for his steed , Triumph . The huge white horse trotted around the castle and knelt beside Leon , allowing the man to mount effortlessly before it rose and galloped through the castle gates . After a few moments of riding through town , Leon urged the horse to a stop in front of the blacksmith 's cabin and dismounted , making sure he had his sword and bag of gold with him . Wordlessly he approached the side stable where he heard metal being beaten into shape and he froze . The young woman working with the metal was beautiful . Her red hair was pulled into a bun atop her head , but a few strands fell into her emerald green eyes . Leon , for just a moment , forgot why he was there . Then reality took ahold of him and shook him down to his boots , reminding him what needed to be done . He approached and started to demand the woman to help him , but he kept his mouth shut . The way she moved , her energy , even the shine in her eyes reminded him of the beautiful graces of his mother . He stood there silently , waiting to be noticed . Taryn heard the sound of her front door opening but it didn 't register in her mind that it was a customer because she was too focused . If she stopped grinding down the side at the wrong moment , she could chip the metal because the grinding stone was so hard . After what seemed like a few more minutes and quite a few sparks , she was finally able to stop cranking the grinder . All that was left for the sword was the polishing and finishing as well as decorating the hilt . She couldn 't help but cough as the dust settled around her , she twisted her left arm to stretch it since it was tired from the cranking . Momentarily , the blacksmith envied those richer shops that can afford the fancier grinding stones that ran on their own with the steam power and gears moving it , but she shook the thought away because this was how her father had taught her and this was how she would continue to do it . Taryn was nudged out of her thoughts at the feel of a jab to her stomach . She looked up and it was her sister , gesturing that there was someone there . As she stood up , she ruffled the little girl 's hair and shooed her off to the back . Now that she was getting a good look at the man , she couldn 't help but admire him . Clearly he was of high class - - very high class - - by his way of dress , but that wasn 't what drew her eyes . Perhaps she had been spending too much time down at the tavern with the boys because she had the sudden urge to whistle appreciatively . She managed to refrain , but couldn 't help appreciate the good looks of the fellow and messy but luscious hair . She smiled in a welcoming way , brushing yet more sweat from her brow which only managed to get some of the dust from the grinding before onto her face unknowingly . " Sorry for the wait , " she said , " is there anything you need ? " As he spoke , his heart hurt . This young woman didn 't deserve to be spoken to in such a demeaning manner , but he had to whether he wanted to or not . He held out his sword and kept his expression stony and straight as he examined her response . Taryn tried not to scowl at his tone of voice . She has gotten some higher class people to come in here and she has had to deal with them quite often by now , they paid well but she didn 't like the way they treated her . Her father hadn 't tolerated it , and she doesn 't either . " Well , how very nice to meet you too , " she said instead , sarcasm just about dripping from her voice . She grabbed the sword gently and observed its dull surface . He was right . It had been worn down quite a lot , to the point where she would probably have to create a new mold to fully repair it . She slid the blade gently across her palm , not hard enough to cut but enough to test how frail the blade was by this point and whether or not it would crack if it struck a hard object . " I can repair it , " she said slowly . " Two to three weeks tops . But I have a few other things to do first before I can get to it , so I hope you don 't need it any time soon . " Taryn glanced back up at him . He really was very pleasing to the eyes , however , he didn 't seem very pleasing to the ears with the way he spoke . As much as she would enjoy the money , she had a decent business both she and her father helped build over the years with other people that required her hand . It would be wrong to accept this job above all the others she had right now simply because of the price . She was raised better than that . Leon nodded graciously but said nothing . It would be better to just pay her and leave than it would be to speak again and anger her more . He sighed a bit and left the entire bag of gold on a bench as he walked out . When he was at the entrance , he finally spoke again , his voice more tired and apologetic than cold . " I shall be back in four weeks . More than enough time , I hope . Keep the gold , I don 't care about it . It 's just a thing . " A half hour later , hooves could be heard . Multiple horses . Four huge men slid off almost broken horses and sauntered into the shed where Taryn was working . The obvious leader sniggered . Taryn stared at the bundle , stunned . That was . . quite a lot . Okay , " she mumbled after him as he walked out . She placed the bundle in a safe that they kept hidden in their kitchen in the back . It would stay there for a while until she could use it to go to to the market to buy much needed supplies later and hopefully be enough to keep the house running a few more months . With that , she went back to work until she heard some men come into her shop . Taryn glanced up and scowled . " Once again , you 're early this month , " she said , her eyes narrowing . " I don 't have the money yet . " Which was true . Even with the large amount of gold the customer from before gave her , it still wouldn 't be enough to satisfy them . And besides , if she gave them the money she did have , she wouldn 't be able to support her family or keep the shop . " Come back next month and I 'll have it paid in full , got it ? " she growled at them . For a split second , these was silence as they began doin as told , then the voice came from behind them . Leon spoke in a loud , demanding voice , a hell of a lot less cold than before . He was holding a short dagger at the largest one , fire in his eyes . It took Taryn a second to register what he meant by the words ' strip ' and by the time it occurred to her , she had already been pinned against the wall and her jacket was being taken off , the buttons ripped as they yanked it . She closed her eyes , angry at herself for not carrying her dagger with her and even angrier that she was in a shop full of weapons that she had made and yet she couldn 't grasp for any of them and defend herself . When she felt the hands at her shirt 's top buttons , she squeezed her eyes shut tighter , hoping more than anything that her little sisters wouldn 't see this . At the sound of a semi - familiar voice and the feel of the pressure on her arms lessening , the blacksmith dared to open her eyes to see the aristocrat from before holding a dagger to the man . She immediately seized the opportunity and smashed her head to the one man who had her arms as hard as she could . The man fell to the ground in pain , and she turned and punched the other man right in the jaw in a place she knew would knock him out immediately . She was right , and he fell to the ground unconscious on top of the other man . Trying to gain some of her dignity , Taryn fumbled with her top to button the last few buttons and glared daggers at the largest man who still had the dagger pressed against him . " I believe you are no longer welcome here , " she spat . The largest man laughed and shook his head . He was easily four times the girl 's size in both height and girth . He spoke with an evil rumble that almost shook the very ground they stood on . Leon stepped up behind the man , his dagger at the man 's throat , drawing a line of blood as the blade easily bit skin . Leon spoke , but it came as a growl that scared even him , although he didn 't show it . " I believe the lady said get the hell out . And I could see to it that it 's done unless you savor your vocal chords , sir . " The big man 's face went pale as the almost demonic voice shook through him and he held up his hands to symbolize giving up . Without a word , Leon let him go and stepped back , wiping his blade off with a hankerchief as the big man woke his friends and they scrambled out ofer each other . Leon watched them mount their old horses and gallop off as noisily and fast as possible , then he turned to Taryn and smiled weakly , gesturing to the smaller girl . With that he bowed and continued on his way to Triumph before mounting and leading the horse to wander off into the woods . The last place he wanted to go to was the castle , where of course his father would be waiting with empty threats and a waving sword . He sighed inwardly , loathing his home as he led Triumph deeper and deeper into the forest , looking for a place to rest and possibly sketch some . Taryn glared up at the man who thought he was so much better than her because of his size , when in reality , if it hadn 't been three against one and if they hadn 't surprised her like they did with their attack , the match up would be much more even . " You are all talk , you know that ? " she yelled after the man . She knew he would be back , he always came back . In fact , she wasn 't the only one . That man and his goons were some of the king 's tax collectors . Now , Taryn has never met the king personally and she would never try and insult his majesty , but he didn 't keep track of all of those who did his bidding like the man who was just in here and abused his position of money collecting to gain profit while the townspeople were helpless to do anything . Even Taryn wouldn 't be able to really fight back because of the consequences of attacking a man of the state would be tremendous . As time went on , the tax collector became more daring , using his power to demand more money from the people of the town and Taryn was no exception . She had to turn him down this time though because he came too soon . She was barely scraping by as it was and her business would sink without any money . Still , Taryn couldn 't shake the feeling that the problems with the man and his goons have only just begun . Yet she wasn 't afraid of him . He was weak . He was a man who used his size to intimidate people , bragged about his strength and then when someone fought back , created an unfair advantage by having his two henchmen with him . Yes , she could see right through him . The man was a coward . Too scared to actually make a proper living and too scared to fight on his own . And this time , Taryn received help . As her savior left the shop shortly after the men , she called out to him . " I 'll have it done in one week , " she yelled out the door to his retreating back . She supposed she could make an exception to someone who had helped her out so . The blacksmith turned back into her shop and gave her sister a little hug who had seen the last of the conflict that had just occurred . " Shh , it 's okay , Ladybug , " she assured the youngest sister Leela and used the little nickname she had for her . " Just go in the back and help Ma out , okay ? " Her sister nodded , with big , worried eyes , but did as she was told . Once she was gone , Taryn let out a shaky breath and brushed her hand through her hair as she exhaled . She figured she should probably get started on that sword now , so she sat down at her stool and turned on her forge , getting out one of the molds she had made recently for longer swords . As she got back to work , the young blacksmith found her worries fading away as the night got darker and she finished what would be the new blade for the sword . She smiled , wiping some more sweat and looked outside to realize that it was much past the witching hour and that she would have to go to the next town over in the morning to get a new roller burnish to polish the sword . With a yawn and exhausted sigh , Taryn decided that her long day had been long enough and it was finally time to turn in for the night ( or morning ) . The next day , again Leon woke up before the maid could come , but this time he just stared up at the ceiling . He thought of the young blacksmith . After the maid knocked on the door , he sighed and rolled out of bed . It was shower day , so he was excited , at least a tiny bit . He let the young maid wash him , ignoring the deep blush on her cheeks when it came to washing certain areas , then he found the clothes she had laid out and dressed . He sighed as he looked himself over in the mirror , a part of him secretly screaming GET OUT OF HERE WHILE YOU CAN ! But all he could do was stand there and do whatever was asked or told of him . After hours of following instructions , he finally had a moment to himself . He was beginning to descend the grand staircase to sneak out when he heard his father 's booming voice . " Son ! Don your crown , we are riding through the village in search for a criminal ! Someone has attacked Randon , my royal second hand ! A young woman and a mysterious young man attacked him and his companions last night so he is going to lead me straight to the ruffians ! We will tear apart their home and arrest or even execute them if need be ! " Leon 's face drained of all of its blood and his heart stopped . The blacksmith . He tried to speak , but before he could he was dragged to the crownroom to be fitted for a crown and coat for the ride . All he could think of doing was getting free to save her . He gasped and pulled free from the woman fitting his crown , running to his room . He fell to his knees and gathered up a pen , a scroll and his golden rabbit . After scribbling something on the paper and putting it in the robot 's teeth , he set it free out the window . Hopefully the directions he set in the rabbit 's memory would lead it to her so it could warn her . He watched it hop away quickly . Taryn woke up early morning to get started packing for her trip to the next town over . It would only take 3 days or so , 4 if she wanted to avoid travelling the trade routes at night , but she 'll figure out how risky she would be feeling when she saw if she had any money left to pay for an inn overnight . Besides , she had traveled it many times before , day and night . Though there were a few close calls , she was generally okay from thieves and highway men ( she was a blacksmith , she clearly knew her way around a sword ) . Just as she was about to leave , Taryn heard a sound near one of her open windows . On the sill was a robotic rabbit carrying a note . Curiouser and curiouser , she thought ironically , grabbing the note from the rabbit which had hopped off as soon as the note was in her hands . Taryn was grateful that she had had a tutor as a child and knew how to read because the note held a warning that the king was coming . She didn 't pay much attention to the rest of the note , the first few lines had said it all . Instead , she let out a long line of swears that would make a sailor blush and she grabbed the bag of gold and whatever money she had in her small metal safe under one of the floorboards . She didn 't know who the letter was from , but she knew that no one had any reason to fake such a thing . Quickly , she went into the backrooms and awoke her sisters and mother and helped them dress as she explained the situation as best as she could . " Go to Mrs . Neeson , and if anyone asks , Ma you 're her daughter , and Leela and Mia are her grandchildren , okay ? " she ordered as they nodded and she rushed them out the back . Her mother gave her a worried look as she walked out , wanting to stay but knowing that she would only be in the way . " Be safe , " her mother murmured as she grabbed the girls ' hands and walked off while Taryn mumbled an " I will , " as she walked back in to grab her own stuff . Momentarily , Taryn thanked whatever god or force or fate was out there because she had already been planning to leave so her belongings were already packed and weapons handy . The young blacksmith grabbed her bags and went to one of the stables in town . " I 'll need a carriage and horse , Mr . White , " she asked the old man who suspected nothing after years of knowing Taryn and knowing that her business sometimes required her to travel . She paid a few gold coins to the man , with a little bit extra because she wasn 't quite sure as to when she could return it . She knew that after the whole thing blew over , she 'd be able to return back home , though Randon would still harass her . It would probably be a while though and Taryn would stay away for a good amount of time just to be safe . At least , she knew her family was safe and that was all that mattered as she packed her stuff into the wooden carriage commonly used to move hay around farms . Either way , she had her weapons with her , and could easily carry her job on , on the move . Taryn put on her goggles and a cloak because she could already tell that it was going to rain and she had a long road ahead of her . Snapping the reins a few times , the horse began to gallop across to the town 's border . Once in the royal carriage , Leon crossed his fingers in his lap , hoping she would be safe . He didn 't know this woman , but he knew she had a family and no one deserved the wrath of his heartless father . He looked out the windoe , silent the entire way , barely breathing . Why was he so worried for this woman ? He sighed deeply then reslized his father was watching him . He spoke , but it came as a stutter , which he then tried to cover up with a lame fake cough before trying again . He realized Randon was watching him as well . Of course he knew that it was Leon and the girl that mauled him , so why hadn 't he ratted the prince out yet ? Leon glared back at the oversized tax - man , his left hand almost caressing the hilt of his dagger . The same dagger he had used that night . Randon saw this and sat back , his face flushing a bit . When they arrived at the abandoned house , the king began to swear . They ransacked the house and turned over everything . After about half an hour , the king looked at Leon and pushed him a bit . With that , the king and Randon reboarded the carriage and they pulled away , leaving Leon to search houses . He went slowly from house to house , politely asking if anyone had seen the metal worker and smiled sweetly as people turned him away or answered negatively . After half the day , he got to the last house , the seamstress , Mrs . Neeson . He knocked on the door gently and removed his crown . This woman was like his mother after his real mother passed away . She took him in when he ran away and fed him and they were very close . He had too much respect for her to keep even his royal crown atop his head . He bowed his head in respect as he waited for her to answer the door . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . 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Since Blogger seems to be having so many issues lately , how do I change over to a new format like WordPress ? Is WordPress free ? What other good blogging sites are out there ? Last night we had a wicked thunderstorm . We definitely need the rain , but all at one time ! ! It must have rained 3 inches in 20 minutes . The power went off and I shut off everything . Next thing I know I hear BOOM and it sounded like lightning hit the house . I didn 't see smoke though so I knew nothing was on fire . We went over to Mom and Dad 's and put Colton to bed there and we stayed there until 9 : 00 when our power finally came back on . I went to check the computer this morning and NOTHING . The modem is fried and so is the tower . It will not power on at all . The phone still works and the monitor and printer still work , but no go on the tower . I will take it in tomorrow to see if anything can be salvaged off of it - - mainly pictures and such . Our local radio station was advertising a contest to win a year 's scholarship to http : / / www . theblakeschool . com . I entered Colton and now apparently he is a finalist . I am supposed to bring Colton in tomorrow and meet with the director and look around . It would be a great opportunity , but it has cons as well . The school is about 17 miles from Mom 's house and I am not sure if he would go all day or just half a day . Also I am not sure that he is ready to go to school all day at not quite three years old . Another thing I thought of was that he would have to give up his spot at the school he is in now . This scholarship is only for a year so next year , he would need to go somewhere else . With his birthday in December , he would have to go to private school for kindergarten and first grade if we didn 't hold him back until he was 5 , almost 6 , to start school . Also I am not sure how he would do with such a structured atmosphere . We will see how it goes tomorrow and even though we meet , he may not get chosen . Some sort of sea life . It was still alive . I could feel the little spines moving when I held it so I threw it back out to sea . All in all it was a great trip . Colton was very good on the trip down and the trip back . It took us about 5 . 5 hours to get down there . He didn 't even have to stop to go potty except for our normal stops . He slept on the trundle bed on the floor . He took his nap and went right to sleep at night . Only problem was that he woke up too early in the mornings . The first morning he woke up at 5 : 50 and said " Grammy done " . Thankfully he did lay back down , but most mornings he was up by 7 : 00 . We tried to keep him in the room and let him watch videos so he didn 't wake everyone else up . He loved going to the beach . We didn 't go to the pool much because they had a rule that you couldn 't jump or splash ( it was because of the old people ) and Colton likes to jump off the side . Steve 's brother went and picked their mom up and brought her up here last Saturday . Steve took her back home yesterday . She lives about 2 . 5 hours away . As you may recall , he and his brother were raised in an abusive and alcohol fueled family . I had been asking him for quite sometime now if he had any pictures from when they were little . Just to compare because we have heard different " stories " about the boys . His mom said that they were both HUGE babies , like over 10 pounds . I tended not to believe her due to the fact that she was only 16 when Steve was born and she had no pre - natal care . Well when he took her home , he finally got some photo albums and brought them back . He was so cute when he was little ! ! ! And Landen , my nephew , looks EXACTLY like Jeff did when he was his age . It almost looked like they could be twins . We leave for Miami in two days . We plan on leaving and getting down to Orlando at about lunch time . Hopefully Colton will just watch movies and read some books until lunch and the he will take a good nap . We don 't want to hit Miami at 5 : 00 so we have to leave here about 9 : 00 . It should take us about 7 hours to get there . I had to go to the post office today so I took off a little early before lunch . The last couple days when I tell he has school , he says " Momma up " ( as in momma come pick me up ) . I always say " no Grammy picks you up . Mommy is at work . " Well since I took off a little early , I went to pick him up and surprise him . They had just gotten back from the playground and picnic at the park and he was in the bathroom . When he came back out to line up , one of the helpers said " Colton 's mommy is here to pick him up . " His head spun around and he saw me and came running down the hall and said " Momma up " and I said " yep I surprised you and picked you up . " When we got back to Grammy 's house , we went across the street to see the neighbors , who LOVE Colton , and he even told them " Momma up . " It was cute ! ! I take Colton in this afternoon for the results of his bloodwork . He was fever free yesterday , but now he does a cough - - not really a wet cough , more of a dry cough . He woke up about 12 : 00 this morning coughing and waited to see if he would settle back down . He wasn 't crying or calling out for , just coughing , and not a constant cough . By about 12 : 30 he was still hacking so I went in to give him some honey syrup . He took it and laid back down . Every time he coughed , his binky would shoot out and he would grab it and put it back . He coughed a couple more times and then he quieted right down . I heard him again about 6 : 00 coughing again though . I guess the honey syrup doesn 't last longer than about 6 hours . I really don 't want to give him regular cough syrup though . I also REALLY don 't want to be woken up at 6 : 00 tomorrow when we can actually sleep in a little . Last night he really wasn 't hungry at dinnertime so he was playing with his food and trying to get attention . He slung is food on the floor and I took him to go to time - out . He protested and when I was trying to hold him , he tried to bite me - - not hard but still put his teeth on me . I popped his leg and he started crying . Well we know what happens when he cries these days - - out he went . I laid him on his side and he had his little mini convulsions and went pale . After about a minute , he came back around and started with his " momma hot " . I think it freaks him out when he passes out and then comes back to . He was fine and went outside to play . He wanted to go to look at our neighbor 's fish pond so we walked over there . Our neighbor was out and we were talking to him while Colton played in the sprinklers he had going . He was running from one to another . Well they were across the driveway from one another , the driveway being rocks . Splat goes Colton across the rocks . He gets up and starts crying and runs over to me , making no sound yet again . He gets to where Tom and I are standing and down he goes - - twitching and stiffening and looking like he is drying . I lay him on his side and pat his back and stays out for a minute or two and slowly comes back around . Tom has a freaked out look on his face and I say " he is fine . Just give him a minute . " He comes back around and starts crying and wants me to hold him and longer wants to play in the sprinklers . THIS IS TWICE IN 30 MINUTES . I told Mom that she needs to warn his teacher at school that this is becoming more of a common occurrence and what to in case it happens . I sure he grows out of this soon . Yesterday was a repeat of the last couple afternoons - - Colton was running a fever . It seems so weird that he only has a fever in the evenings . When I got him home , he was once again complaining that he was hot and I can tell just by touching him that is very warm . I took his temperature and it was 103 . He didn 't want to eat , not even his favorite ham , all he wanted to do was sit in his chair and watch a dump truck video . He was VERY pathetic and can 't cry and saying " momma hot " . After I ate and cleaned up the kitchen , I picked him and he was still burning up . His temp was 102 and all he wanted was just to lay in my lap . I sat down on the couch and he laid on me and was about to fall asleep at 6 : 30 . I took him in his room and he didn 't a bath or even to read stories . I put his PJs on , gave him some Advil and rocked him for about 5 minutes and he was sound asleep by 6 : 55 . I didn 't hear a peep out of him until this morning . He had his 2 . 5 year old check up scheduled for this morning so I thought I would ask about it while we were in there . I did notice that he had a rash on his chest and belly , but it looks more like a contact rash than anything else . He had a little in his groin area as well . I think it may have been from his diaper though . I think I may have gotten his diaper too tight on him . When his temp was taken at the doctor , it was only 98 . 9 and he was acting like his normal little self . The ARNP was so concerned with his rash , but she was concerned with his fever . She sent us over to the hospital for some bloodwork . He was such a brave little guy . When they inserted the needle , he did start to cry but he held real still and his crying kinda tapered off . The nurse doing the blood draw was really good with him . She gave him a sticker and when she wrapped his arm , she drew a smiley face and wrote " good job " on his bandage . There was a man outside in the waiting area and he gave him a dollar for being so brave ! ! LOL We go back in on Friday afternoon to go over what the blood results are . I am hoping it is nothing serious OF COURSE . I just get concerned with the not knowing and all the " what it could be 's " . Today is Colton 's half birthday . He is officially two and a half now . Hopefully this will be an important milestone in his little life . Once again last night , he passed out . This time in my arms though . I had outgrown this by the time I was 2 . 5 so hopefully the same will be true for him . We had just walked in the door and he was playing around and somehow tripped or something and hit his head against the side of the dry sink . He immediately started doing his cry with no sound coming out . I picked him up and tried blowing in his face to make him catch his breath , but to no avail - - out he went . He gets this really scary look on his little face and turns blue and has mini convulsions . I just held him and talked to him and said " its ok . Mommy has you . " After about a minute or so he starts to come around . I think it scares him thought because he started crying again , normally this time . I know that he will be fine and he will start breathing again , but it is still frightening to see your little boy blue and lifeless . I worry about the effects of lack of oxygen has on his little developing brain . He didn 't break the skin or even have a bump on his head afterward and he is back to normal self about 10 to 15 minutes after all is said and done . It has unseasonably hot here the last couple weeks . Yes we do live in Florida , but our highs are usually upper 80s at this time . The last couple weeks , it has been upper 90s and the last couple days has been 99 - 100 with a heat index of 105 - 110 . We really need a tropical depression to form and come over us to give us the rain the desperately need . We leave next Thursday to drive down to Miami to see my sister and nieces . They will be down from NY for 6 weeks staying in their condo . I am looking forward to seeing them . We haven 't seen them since last July . I am not looking forward to the drive itself . I plan on taking many videos and many snacks . Hopefully he will sleep part of the way down . There is a pack and play as well as a trundle bed so hopefully one of those will do for him to sleep on or in . Friday evening after picking him up from Mom 's house , he seemed to go down hill . He kept saying " Momma hot " so I took his temperature and it was 101 . I gave him some Advil and he wanted to go right to bed - - no bath and no stories . He slept all night and actually I had to go in and wake him up at 8 : 15 because we were going to Jax to see my aunt . He felt a little warm and didn 't really want to eat much for breakfast , but his temp was only a little over 99 so I gave him some Tylenol and we went on to Jax . He was fine all day . He played with her dogs and went swimming and ate a good lunch . One the way home , he took a bit of a nap and when he woke up , again he said " momma hot " . When we got home , I took his temperature and it was 102 . He was extremely clingy and just kept crying " momma hot " . He layed on the couch and when I sat back down he just layed in my lap . I got him pizza for dinner , but he didn 't want to eat it . I took him in his room about 7 : 00 and gave him some Advil and he wanted to go right to bed . He slept all night but woke up at 6 : 15 . He was his happy little self all day and then when he woke up from him afternoon nap , his temperature was back up to about 100 . It just seems to be an afternoon illness ! ! I gave him some Tylenol and he was after that with no more fever and he ate his dinner and was back to normal . I guess his body is just fighting off something . He woke up fine this morning and went to school . Back at home with his trophies . He was Top Five , best smile , prettiest eyes , best personality and most Photogenic . There were 23 2 - 4yr olds is his division . The boy that won was almost 5 and was a definite pro . The little boy that was runner - up was last years winner and he also won the national pageant for that age group . All in all he did well . He was a little more shy in his " interview " because he wanted to walk across the stage and all he had to do was go up to the judges . Sleeping didn 't go as well as I had hoped for . I took his pea pod and he was all excited to sleep in it until bedtime . I put him down and he started crying . I unzipped it and said " you need to lay down and go to sleep " . I went out on the balcony and 2 minutes later he was crying again . I went in and layed him back down and said I was just right around the corner ( we set him up in the bathroom alcove ) . He layed down and slept until about 6 and then woke up and he got in bed with me and went back to sleep . He NEVER has slept in the bed with us . The next night , he won 't even lay down in his pea pod , so I caved in and put him in my bed and went back outside for him to fall asleep . We stayed out there until about 8 : 30 and when we came back in , he woke up and was tossing and turning . I went and got his pea pod and put it between our beds and he went in and went to sleep . He is such a good sleeper and I hate to screw that up . Last night , he went to bed and then about 8 : 15 he was crying out for me and I went in there and picked up his pillow and said " up " and I said " no sweetie you have to sleep in your bed " and he layed back down and went back to sleep . We are going to Miami in two weeks to see my sister and he will have to sleep in a pack - n - play in our room . Hopefully he will sleep and not have to many issues or want to get in bed with me . Given his current obsessions with " dinos " we had to make a stop at Gatorland . We had Saturday afternoon free was we headed over for Colton to see the " dinos " and of course he loved it . Looking cool at Gatorland The famous Gatorland entrance We leave tomorrow for Colton 's State Finals " pageant . " I really hope he is going to be able to sleep in the hotel room . Hopefully I can set up his pea pod in the bathroom and close the door so he has his own " little room " . He is so good about going to bed , but we don 't want to go to bed at 7 : 30 every night ! ! ! I bought him a new water slide pool and he has a blast last night playing in it . Only problem is that it gets so dirty getting in and out of the water . I think I need to put visquine down under it next time . Since we have season passes , we headed back to Wild Adventures yet again yesterday . There was no chance of rain and a very sunny day was in the forecast . Christina , Adam , Sohpie , Annabelle and Emma met us there . Of course Colton had a great time riding the roller coasters . He gets a smile on his face and it never leaves . I taught him how to hold his hands up on the roller coaster and he was " weeee " the entire time . Of course I don 't have many pictures . Usually I am riding with him . As most of you know , I live in Florida and there is a high profile murder case in the process of jury selection . That being the Caylee Anthony murder case . I am sure you are familiar with the case - - the one where her mother didn 't report her missing for over a month and then claimed the " babysitter " took her , all the while she is out partying and living the life of a single 22 year old with no cares in the world . Her mother was the one who started the police investigation and to whom Casey finally told that Caylee was " missing . " Casey and Caylee lived in the house with the grandparents . They had not seen her in OVER A MONTH . Why in the world did it take so long for someone to notice ? ! ? ! ? ! Of course as the investigation continued , Casey ( who is a pathological liar ) admitted to making up the entire babysitter . So where had Caylee gone ? This happened in July of 2008 and Caylee 's body was found in December 2008 . Now of course Casey parents are standing behind her and say she nothing to do with the murder - - - YEAH RIGHT ! I understand that they are her parents and you love your children and would protect them , but what about their granddaughter ? As I sit here , I don 't think I could do that . Of course I would still love my child , no doubt , but defend them ? I know she is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law ( technically ) but I just don 't believe she is anything but a child murderer and should never be a free woman again . What are your thoughts ? Am I totally out of line in my thinking ? We braved the chance of thunderstorms and headed to Wild Adventures on Saturday . The sky was very threatening and then it did rain for about 45 minutes , but we ate and rested during that time and then the sun came out and it was a pretty day . We rode rides and played at the water park that is attached . Since we have season passes , I am sure we will be heading there quite a bit this summer and fall . My camera battery , which I had just charged , died after one picture and one video . I went and bought a new one at Wal - Mart so it won 't happen again ! ! The entire time we were at the park , Colton was just in undies . I figured he might have an accident since bathrooms are not excatly close and if he had to go in the middle of a ride , we couldn 't just get off . We were on the Dizzy Dragons and right as the ride was about to start , he said " momma pee pee " . I said " we can 't get off now . Can you just hold it ? " Then the ride started and I think he forgot about it , but I took him straight to the potty and he went . I think he has not had an accident , either pee or poop , in several months now ( I honestly can 't remeber his last accident ) . He still wears a pull - up at naptime and bedtime , but sometimes ( especially naptime ) he wakes up dry . Hope everyone had a great Mother 's Day . Mine was just like any other Sunday really - - get up and make breakfast , go to church , play a little , go out for lunch , Colton takes his nap and then we go down to the river . As much as I LOVE MY LITTLE MAN , I wish some days I could have a day to myself . I would like to sleep past 6 : 30 - 7 : 00 ( mostly this is due to Steve getting up though . Colton usually wakes up between 7 - 7 : 30 on Saturday and Sunday ) . I would love to sleep in until 9 or 9 : 30 . Steve can be in the computer room and Colton will wake up at 7 : 00 or so , and he doesn 't go in there to get him . So I drag myself out of bed and the day starts . He is really into going poop lately . I think yesterday he must have gone 5 times . And when he says he has to go , generally he really does . He likes to go by himself though . he will run by saying " poop " and go to the potty and close the door and go . Then he hollers " HELP " and I go in and do clean up . If I try and go with him , he says " No momma " and closes the door . When he does something good or eats something good , he will give you and thumbs up . It is so cute . He always gives a smile with his thumbs up too . We went to my neices ' birthday party on Saturday and Colton had a great time . They had a " redneck " slip - n - slide set up and a little baby pool with a small slide . She also has a trampoline and Colton kept wanting to go " hop " on that . There was a little girl who just turned two the 1st of May and Colton kept calling her " baby " . It was cute . He and Landen got along well together . They are about the same size now and Colton did well with his sharing . He behaved pretty good for not having a nap at all that day . Colton never showed any other signs of being ill . After his " episode " on Monday morning , he has been back to normal . His rash went away and he never got a fever or threw up anymore . Must have just been some passing bug that upset his stomach . My niece , Kara , is having her birthday party on Saturday . It is a slip - n - slide and pizza party . It starts at 2 : 00 , which of course is right in the middle of Colton 's nap . She said they would slip - n - sliding until about 3 : 00 and then eating pizza . I know how much the boy like to be flung down the slip and slide , so I guess he may be skipping his nap . I am sure he won 't mind ! ! Started out on Friday night with a call from Kim saying that she was rescheduling the photoshoot for the 29th of May . We will be in Orlando that weekend so I told her I couldn 't do it then . I was very disappointed because I really was excited about getting his pictures done again and I have finally figured out what he was going to wear ! ! When I went in on Saturday morning to get Colton up , there was vomit ALL OVER THE PLACE - - it was on his sheets , on his pillow , on his stuffed animals and in his hair . I never heard him call out to me during the night . He was acting perfectly fine though . I got him and cleaned him up and stripped his bed . I noticed he had a weird rash on his chest though . It wasn 't anywhere else , just his upper torso and it wasn 't itching him or anything . It seemed to have little heads on the tiny bumps . He didn 't really eat anything for breakfast or lunch but was running around like he was feeling fine . He took him nap and played outside and didn 't really eat dinner either . Sunday morning he was fine as well . The rash was slowly fading and he didn 't have a fever . He still wasn 't very interested in eating . We went to church and played outside most of the day . For dinner all he ate was a few french fries and a couple shrimp . This morning he woke up dry and when I was taking him to the potty he said he had to poop ( which is uncharacteristic first thing in the morning ) and he sat on the potty and went . I got him dressed and was about to walk out the door and he said he had to poop again . At first I thought he didn 't really need to , he just wanted another treat to take to Grammy 's . I asked him , " you need to go poop again " and he said yes so I took him back in there and ( TMI ALERT ) it was like water pouring out it was so loose . I kept him in his underwear but I sent along a pull - up to Grammy 's just in case she wanted to put that on him for when he goes to school . For some reason all of my Easter pictures are on three different cameras - - none of which I have with me now . You can see them on my Facebook page though . We did have a nice Easter weekend . The weather was gorgeous . The eggs hunts were all fun filled and Colton got more candy than he ever will eat , so I am helping him out in that department ! ! We went to the river Sunday afternoon , which seems to be a weekly tradition now . He loves to dig in the sand and play in the water . He of course still has no fear so I make sure that I unload my phone , my keys and any thing else that I don 't to get wet in the event that I have to go in after him . I also love to people watch . You really see a whole different group of people down there ! ! Colton had his speech evaluation with yet another therapist on Tuesday . He has been " talking " more in the past week or so . He has begun to repeat what you say and has added maybe 5 or 6 words just in the last week . The one in Gainesville that we went to several weeks ago was a really a waste of time on several levels . She didn 't really " talk " to Colton at all and just had a checklist and said he was at about 18 months in his speech . This lady , Julie , was much better . I am not sure if she was a doctor or not , but she was very knowledgeable . She was young and seemed a little more with it . I scheduled his appointment for the morning because after the disaster of last time , I wanted him " fresh " . She sat him in a highchair so that she could strap him and and it really worked out much better so that he couldn 't run around . She had a picture book and she went through various questions with him and asked him questions and really went into more depth . After her evaluation , he scored at 2 yrs . 11 months for his reasoning skills and at 1 year 11 months for his expressive language . So she concluded that he understands and can reason extremely well , but his language is a little behind where it should be . She recommended not doing any therapy right now because he is really starting to mimic and gain words at a rapid rate here recently . She said if I had any concerns or wanted to ask her anything in the coming weeks or months , to give a call and she will help me brainstorm or go over what we can do to help him along . Colton has another photoshoot tomorrow . She is doing it at a local nursery and with all the plants flowering and blooming , we should get some really pretty shots . Now the problem is , how should I dress him - - casual or dressy ? I was thinking maybe a button down shirt with his plaid tie and a pair of khaki shorts . It is REALLY hard to decide . His picture with the " Easter Bunny " . We had taken him to the mall after lunch on Saturday and they had a " real " Easter bunny there . He went up and shook his hand , but did not want to sit in his lap . I saw at Wal - Mart where you could take them and have their pictures made - - I thought it was going to be a " real " bunny as well , but it wasn 't . It turned out all right and we got a really cute shot . Out for a Saturday drive before " picking up " the girls for the Easter egg hunt . Colton and his basket . Checking out the " purple people " before the hunt . I loved their baskets . Sophie and Colton ready to go . Colton showing Annabelle his balloon . The girls hunting for eggs . The Easter egg hunt went well . The only problem was that they threw the eggs out in the field and for some reason , the ants attacked them . There were fire ants crawling all over the eggs so every time they went to pick up an egg , ants got ants on them . I tried and blow all the ants off before he put them in his basket , but I still had ants crawling all around . After the hunt , we went with Christina , Adam and the girls to eat at Cracker Barrel . That was fun ! ! Yesterday after church he had his picture made and after he got up from his nap , we went down to the river . He wanted to go dig in the sand since he had gotten a new " digger " . Once we got there , he played in the sand a little while , but decided he wanted to play in the water more . I hadn 't put in a swimsuit , so I just took off his shirt and underwear and he played in his shorts . At least that way when he was done , he had a dry shirt and underwear to wear home ! ! Seems like forever since I have posted a new blog . Not to much happening these days . We are enjoying the great spring weather that sunny Florida offers . Last weekend my niece and her friends were having a yard sale to benefit Japan 's relief fund . I decided to load Colton up in the his bike cart and ride over . When we got there , I noticed that Landen and Colton were dressed almost alike ! ! They both had on green and navy shirts and blue shorts . I asked Landen if he wanted to go on a ride and when they were " loaded " up , they could have been twins . Unfortunately our ride didn 't last very long due to the fact Landen wanted to go back to his Mommy after about two seconds of riding ! ! Being that they are only three weeks apart , I can see some similarities . They seem to have the same little button nose . It must be a dominant Rogers ' gene because Steve and Jeff , and even Kara , have the same little nose . I have been trying to get his speech therapy going . By the time everything gets worked out and scheduled , he won 't need it any more . He had his second " evaluation " ( which was a complete waste of time - - we waited almost an hour for the ARNP to come in and say ok , he can be referred to our therapist ) and then they were going to forward it on to the therapist . Well I hadn 't heard anything as of two days ago and he had his appointment on the 31st of March . I called and got the number to the therapist and come to find out that she had to send the referral back to the pediatrician because she doesn 't accept our insurance . I asked how much it would be without insurance and she said that she charges $ 80 a session and he is supposed to go once a week . I called the the insurance company back to ask if there were any others in the area and there is one in Lake City now at the hospital . SO I called the pediatrician back and asked them to fax his information over . Hopefully I will hear something back from them . We have our first Easter egg hunt of the year tomorrow . Emma , Annabelle and Sophie are going to go along as well . I think he will have more fun if he has some " friends " there . After church I will take him to Wal - Mart where they have free pictures with the Easter Bunny . Hopefully he will not freak out at the bunny again this year ! ! Colton has been regression in his potty training here lately . For the last week or so , he has had at least an accident a day . Previously it was VERY RARE that he would wet his pants . This last week , he has had pee and poop accidents . Normally he was pooping during his nap , but recently he has been going randomly throughout the day . He knows that he has to go but it seems like he won 't sit there long enough to go . He will say " poop " and then run for the potty , but has not been making it . On Monday we were outside playing and he said " poop " so I took him to the potty - - nothing . Five minutes later , " poop " so again we went and sat on the potty - - nothing . Two minutes later he runs by me , " poop " and he heads for the bathroom where he pooped in his pants on the way there . The same thing had happened at school earlier in the day . On the way home from Grammy 's that day , he wet his pants . This week has been AWFUL in the potty department . Last night he wet his pants . Today again he pooped in his pants . He said " poop " and took off to the bathroom , but didn 't make it . Hopefully it is just a " phase " and he will get back on track . I try and not get angry about it , but I certainly do get frustrated . I don 't really know what to say when he does it . I don 't want to chastise him , but I want him to know that it isn 't acceptable . As far as the " big boy bed " , it went much better than I ever thought it would . I lay him down in the bed at about 7 : 30 and don 't hear from him all night . The other night he did " fall " out of bed , but I put him back in bed and he went right back to sleep . I thought he would get up and wander around his room , but so far he hasn 't . Even on the weekends , he just wakes up and talks to himself but stays in bed . I never thought it would be this easy ! ! Well , there was a good and bad outcome to his appointment . The " good " news , if you will , was that I am not paranoid and he does in fact need speech therapy . The evaluator said that he was at about an 18 month old level for speech . The " bad " was that he acted like a crazy , wild , unruly child . His appointment was at 3 : 00 and we had to drive an hour to get there , so we ate lunch and left and he was only to get about an hour nap instead of his usual 1 . 5 - 2 hour nap . I don 't know if that had anything to do with it or not . He wouldn 't sit still or pay attention and he kept trying to throw the balls at her ( there were toys in the room with us ) . He wouldn 't " talk " to her at all . She said that he needed to be seen twice a week . One , we live an hour away and there is no way that I want to drive that far twice a week with the price of gas right now . Two , even with insurance it was going to be $ 20 - 30 a session . I just can 't afford that . Yesterday I called his pediatrician and asked if they could recommend a therapist here . I figured that even though Avmed only covered the one in Gainesville , it may cost less after I factored in gas and the time it would take to get down there . They said that they actually have a therapist on staff through them ! ! He has to be " referred " to her by the pediatrician , so he has an appointment for that tomorrow . She may be in Lake City , but that is still closer than Gainesville and if she works through them , the insurance should cover it I would assume . The transition to " big boy " bed is going well . Much better than I thought it would . On Friday night , he started crying about 10 : 30 so I went in to see what was wrong , and he was standing by his bed . I am not sure if he fell out of bed or got out of bed . I layed him back down , gave him his binky and he went back to sleep and when I went in to get him , he was still in his bed . I went on Saturday and bought one of those foam Noodle pool toys and cut it to the exact length of his mattress . I put it under the sheet and made my own bed rail ( the one that came with the toddler bed in maybe a foot long at best ) . It seemed to work as kind of a bumper to help him stay in bed . Mom and I were out shopping for Colton some " play " shorts and shirts and summer PJs and we saw one of those Zorb balls that you get in and roll around . It said ages 5 + , but we got it anyway . OH MY LORD it took FOREVER to blow it up . You could use an air compressor . You have to blow up individual panels by mouth and there was probably 25 - 30 that we had to blow up . We finally got it done after about an hour and a half . Of course Colton loved it and rolled around in it for a while . I took some pictures of him playing in it . Since Colton can get out of bed now , I went and got some of the doorknob covers to keep him in his room and out of the bathroom . Well on Friday evening , I went in to take a bath . I closed the door behind me ( like I also do ) and I could hear Colton come in the room . He tried to open the door , which of course he couldn 't . He started saying " mama " and was crying at the door . His crying progressed and then it quit and I heard THUD . I opened the door just about the same time Steve came in and Colton was lying on the floor COMPLETELY OUT COLD . As you may ( or may not ) recall , wen he cries really hard sometimes he cries in so much that he passes out . Normally I am right there within a matter of seconds to blow in his face and make him catch his breath . Well this time I wasn 't and down he went . I scooped him up and his face was completely blue and his eyes were rolled back in his head . Of course I knew that once he passed out , he would start breathing again and he would come back around . It took maybe a minute and then his little eyes opened up and he looked at me and started whimpering so I knew he was fine . He has his evaluation with a speech therapist today . I had him evaluated through EI , but their main focus is on motor skills and cognitive thinking and not so much speech . Unfortunately the closet therapist is an hour away from us , but I want to know what they have to say . If I have to take him once a week , then so be it . Posted by I am a first time ( and only time LOL ) mom to my little boy - - Colton Andrew . It is definitely a learning experience and a true test of patience , which honestly I don 't have a lot of . I learn something new everyday and am enjoying watching him grow and discover new things and learn as we embark on this journey together . |
Last night we went to the church for our annual ward Christmas party . It was fiesta themed and the food was fantastic , which is unusual . ( I 'm just being real here . ) They asked me a few days ago to perform a song dressed as an angel for their nativity . I sang " The First Noel " barefoot and wrapped up in yards of flowing cream fabric . I 'm glad there are no pictures because I probably look like a humongous female yeti or something , but I sang pretty well . The lights were dim and other people performed , there was even a real baby representing Jesus . My kids loved it , especially Gwen . She loved that I was an angel . After we got home Asher wanted to direct a play of his own . He has seen the Charlie Brown Christmas Special , and Charlie Brown was the director . Also , Asher likes to be in control . He is constantly making deals with us . Mom . Either you let me watch a movie , or I will not talk the whole day through ! That is the deal . Anyway , he wanted to do a Wolverine play , but Dan said he could only stay up if he directed a Christmas themed play . Also Gwen really wanted to be Mary and she was already holding a rolled up blanket that was supposed to be baby Jesus . And when Gwen doesn 't get her way now - a - days , she screams and cries like she is on fire . We pick our battles . Asher was upset , but we dragged him in eventually on the condition that he could " dress up " the stage . We all took turns playing different parts . Except Gwen , of course . Asher was Joseph sometimes , sometimes he was the innkeeper , sometimes he was a shepherd . We sang silent night at the end , with Gwen yelling at me to stop for half of the song . We will be in Utah for Christmas , so I have a lot of preparing to do . Sometimes I feel like it is easy to get in the Christmas Spirit and sometimes I want to just curl up in bed and shut out the world . It has been raining , which I love , but on the flip side it triggers that " curl up in bed " feeling . There was also a major tragedy in Connecticut where a man killed a bunch of young children and teachers at an elementary school , and that has got me all sad and out - of - sorts as well . I pray for those kids and their families , and all the people who had to be exposed to that tragedy , and I pray even harder for my children 's safety and in gratitude for my blessings . I guess my view of Christmas changes the older I get , but I feel like the world needs the special feeling that Christmas brings more and more . I hope the Christmas Spirit will always be alive as long as the weary world exists . Posted by I guess that is the problem with having too big of an imagination , he just can 't turn it off . And at night his thoughts take on a sinister twist . He is convinced that his closet is dangerous when it is dark outside . He demands that it be closed tight every night , and if there is even a little crack open , he will not rest . He breaks down in tears telling me about how one time Boba Fett really did come out of his closet and I have to believe him he really ruhziques ( exists ) and he had a gun and everything , Mom . It doesn 't help to tell him that didn 't happen or it is impossible or it is all in his head . I just have to say , " Well what happened after that ? Did he shoot you ? Or did he just go away ? " And Asher has to admit that no harm came to him but he is still so scared . One night , I didn 't ever even close my eyes at all , Mom . Last night he came into our bed and our room and woke us up at least ten times . Which might be more times or less than the night before , I have lost track . We all had a rough night , and when he should have been getting dressed he climbed into our open suitcase and shut himself in . I had to spend a lot of time this morning telling him that we really did love him even if we told him to leave our room a hundred times in the night . I had to explain how we CAN ' T SLEEP when he is in our bed and how when we are tired we can 't do things correctly and we can 't focus and we get grouchy and mean . But always I must remind him how much we both love him , ( even Dad ? ) even Dad , even when we tell him to sleep in his own bed or on the floor in our room , it isn 't that we don 't love him it is that we really NEED TO SLEEP . I don 't know how to fix this situation . A lock on his closet door ? We already moved Gwen into his room , and that hasn 't helped . We gave him blankets by our bed , but that doesn 't seem to be solving anything either . We always say prayers when he is scared , we tell him that our house is so safe and that he has so many guardian angels watching over him and that he has never been hurt and that he won 't be hurt now . He is still scared . ( PS Since the last entry we went to the Stewart 's Christmas party which was fun . I got some Isagenix products during the white elephant gift exchange . It was a miracle . I willed it to happen , and it happened . But somehow I can 't do that with Asher 's sleeping habits . I also went to East Valley Mormon Choral Organization concert at the Mesa Arts Center . One of my friends had an extra ticket , and I am so glad that she offered it to me ! The song arrangements were amazing , the orchestra was amazing , and the 1 , 000 participants in the different choirs were also amazing . Many people asked if I wanted to join afterward , and I think I almost do want to sing with them . Almost . I for sure want Asher to sing with the little kids . They were fantastic and hilarious . And somehow I missed the memo that a few of my relatives were in the choir , so that was a fun surprise to see them performing up there . I was in the Stake Christmas choir this year . I also directed the Young Women choir . They sang The First Noel and sounded like angels with violin accompaniment . It was an amazing concert with an orchestra and everything . Not as amazing as EVMCO , or Disneyland , but still pretty darn great . ) Posted by We went to Santa Barbara for Thanksgiving . We were there from Tuesday night until Saturday . It was great to be by the beach and around family and in our old hometown . We hope to visit again soon . It was too short and we forgot how much we love it there . It was crazy to be staying in a house where 55 other people were hanging out . . . but it was mostly a good kind of crazy . I exercised every day while I was there . I saw my sister every day too , which was so great . We jogged together , talked together , and went shopping together . More on that later . My kids had a lot of time to hang out with their cousins . I think they were sort of in heaven . And so was I , because I got to be free of responsibility for large chunks of time . My children are at an age where I feel ok about letting them do their thing , and I have very responsible nieces and nephews . It works out splendidly . I hardly helped at all in the kitchen before or after the Thanksgiving meal . It is shameful really , but it was sort of covered by everyone else . Mostly Alison . But believe me , had any need arisen , I would have helped . As it was , I felt like I was in the way every time I entered the kitchen . Plus , let 's be real here . I 'm lazy . The meal was fantastic . I tried so hard not to over - eat , but there were a million dishes and everything was so good ! I had a little bit of everything and I was stuffed . So , besides going on jogs ( and walks with Dan ) and hanging out with everyone , I went shopping downtown with some family . ( In other news - Boom ! Santa Barbara now has an H & M . ) So , I spent some money . It is nice to shop without kids . Don 't get me wrong , I love my kids , but they don 't love shopping . On Friday my sister took Rachel , Alison , and I to Solvang to this amazing place where they sold clothes and fabric for super duper cheap . We didn 't think we would spend tons of time there , but we did . We found all kinds of goodies , including formals and temple dresses for three dollars . THREE DOLLARS . All the fabric I bought was a dollar a yard . I scored , and it was super fun . We took pictures in the room where you pay for everything . I offered to be a boy , but Rachel and Lori took one for the team . This picture cracks me up ! What a fun group . We were hungry after foraging for deals in all those different rooms , so we walked to a main street and bought pastries . I wasn 't expecting much from my apricot danish , but it was OUT OF THIS WORLD good . I need to go to Solvang next time we visit SB , because it is cute and amazing and I 'm still thinking about that danish . While I was doing other things , Dan went shooting . Once with guns in the mountains with the boys , but mostly he did the kind with his camera . There were a lot of photo - shoots last weekend ! He was asked by 4 of his siblings to do family pictures , and he also did a few surf / beach shoots with teen and adult family members for his and Jake 's venture into selling clothing . It 's called Babes Arizona Surf , and they have a lot of followers on Instagram . Check it out . We hope it will help pay for Jake 's mission to Croatia . ( Click here for Babes ! ) We took the kids to the beach before we left . They wanted to stay there for much longer . . . mostly to play at the park . It was such a beautiful day . . . I didn 't really want to get in the car either . But we loaded everyone up and headed home eventually . The kids were pretty good in the car , and we had a great vacation . For that I am thankful . Carnival , Creating , and Celebrating We went to " Frontier Days " at Asher 's school . It is their one and only fundraiser ( so they say ) and it is huge and beautiful . I always loved carnivals as a kid , and I think my school even did one at some point . It probably wasn 't as epic as this one . Each class has a booth . I was stuck at ours for an hour because I volunteered to help and nobody came to relieve me at the end of a half hour shift . It was fine , but I missed the kids going on the train ride , bouncing in the bounce houses , dominating the other booths , and I missed Gwen going on a pony ride . Dan got some video though , so I didn 't miss it completely . We saw a lot of friends from church . There were a lot of silent auctions , food choices , etc . I got a free back rub at a booth , but we didn 't take advantage of the free face painting . Maybe next year . I also finished a big sewing project for a friend . Her photo shoot got moved up three weeks , so I felt like I was on Project Runway . I was actually sewing some finishing touches RIGHT before their photo shoot . It is a good thing my friend is laid back . I snagged some pictures from some blogs so I could show what I made . I made the dresses on her girls . ( I took a picture of the baby dress so you could see it a little better . ) I also made the ties and bow ties on her boys , and the light blue houndstooth jacket on her oldest one . My friend was SO trusting of me . . . she gave me fabric and said " make whatever you want . " I mean , she knew she wanted ties and dresses , but that was it . She showed me some pictures of kids clothes that she loved , and then gave me complete creative freedom . It was kind of nice , but sometimes I was scared she wouldn 't like what I was doing . She ended up loving it all , thank goodness ! And look at her kids ! They are so stinking adorable ! What a good looking family . We also had a birthday in our family . . . Dan 's ! I felt bad because I was super busy and didn 't have time to get many gifts or to plan very much . But I made him breakfast and lunch , then we went out with family to dinner at Firebirds . It was really nice . When we got back to Stephen and Rachel 's house our little niece Lauren had made him a cake . The birthday cakes at their house always feature this Stuart Little figurine . I think it is a cute tradition . We opened presents two days later , so Dan 's birthday was stretched out a bit . I think that is always the best way to go . Posted by I have been SO BUSY . SO BUSY ! ! ! I mentioned being cast in the Wizard of Oz , but I also did a lot of work with choreography and so forth . I was at rehearsal all the time . ( Here I am in my Second Act glory . ) And when I wasn 't at rehearsal , I was trying to finish sewing projects that were way overdue . I made a bunch of girl superhero costumes for a family in our ward . They were relatively easy , but I didn 't have a lot of free time . I committed to them before I decided to do the play , so it was my fault for taking too much on . They turned out cute in the end , but I think I almost gave that poor mom a heart attack , because true to form , I gave them to her the day before she wanted to use them . Sorry Jennie ! ( She also just had her fifth child , so she really needed more to worry about in her life . ) I planned to get them done way before Halloween . It would have been a piece of cake with no Wizard of Oz . Side note , these kids are the nicest ever . Whenever Wonder Woman sees me , she gives me a big hug . She tells me that she wants to grow up to be like me . I better start shaping up ! I did not dress up for Halloween . Being green for seven performances took the desire out of me I guess . But Dan was Tony Stark . I cannot tell you how excited I was when he actually wanted to be someone for Halloween . He even made his own arc reactor . I am so proud . The costume was subtle , but he looked awesome . Asher and Gwen went to Aunt Amy 's trunk or treat one night when I was performing . Asher was Captain America that night , hence the picture . But for actual Halloween , Asher was Indiana Jones and Gwen was Rapunzel . Cost ? Free ! We borrowed and we used what we had . Best Halloween ever ! Halloween snuck up on me . We decorated the night before , and then it was only because Asher really wanted me to . I don 't have many Halloween decorations , so I just used the spooky stuff I had on hand and my fabric stash . No problem . The kids have been eating candy like crazy . I can 't stop them and they can 't stop themselves . Consequently , they have been a little temperamental . Emphases on the MENTAL . But they will detox soon and then all will be right with the world . We went up to Utah for the first week of October . It was in the middle of Wizard of Oz rehearsals , but I am glad I took that break . Unfortunately , I was sick almost the entire time . However , my awesome parents watched my kids in the morning so that I could sleep in and get better . I hadn 't slept in consistently like that in a long time . - One of the first things we did was go on a family walk with my mom . We took the trail near her house that she walks almost daily . It was so beautiful ! We don 't see much of fall in Arizona , but Utah 's autumn is spectacular . Even Asher noticed how beautiful it was there . He went on and on about it . - We took the kids to the Springville Museum of Art . They had a strange style of art featured , but I loved the water sculpture . The kids got to draw a little , and see the big Bronze Indian . The Russian art was amazing ! I took a few pictures . But my favorite part was something that my mom and I discovered by accident as we were trying to leave . It was an exhibition of Fred Howard 's study of the Tabernacle and the organ . I loved the style of his paintings . - We ate at Magleby 's with our family and Jon and Lisa Williams , which is funny because the last time we saw them was when they got married . . . and their brunch was at Magleby 's . ( Different location , but still . ) We met their cute daughter Jane , and they came over to my parents house so that we could talk and hang out . - Chad and Clara hooked us up with a guy who cooked dinner for the family . It took 4 hours , and in return , he wanted us to buy his super expensive cookware . Ever heard of SaladMaster ? Yeah . I was actually interested in it , but it was far too expensive , and it was presented in a way that turned me off . The guy was like " you are going to die of cancer and obesity unless you buy and use our cookware . " And he somehow took 3 1 / 3 hours to give us that information . At the very least , that experience will give our family something to joke about for years to come . - My dad gave Asher and Gwen tractor rides , we ate my favorite childhood salsa ( made from garden grown tomatoes - thanks mom ! ) , we watched the first presidential debate , we saw the movie Hugo ( in 3D ! ) , Dan went shooting with Jess , the kids and I saw my sister Kristy 's new house , we visited Grandma Great on our way in and our way out , and we enjoyed everyone 's company . We also got to chat with Dan 's parents for a while . They were in town for General Conference . Asher and Gwen were confused . - Dan and I also went to the first session of General Conference at the Conference Center . It was amazing ! I had never been . We were in " nosebleed " seats , but we had a good experience regardless . Afterwards we at ate at an amazing hamburger place called JCW 's . Everything was SO good . We have to remember that place for our next Utah trip . To sum up : We had a great time , and we are wishing we could go up again soon . I feel like I don 't see OR talk to my family enough . I wish I was better at keeping in touch , and I wish we saw them more . Ah well , that 's life I guess . Forgive me Blogger , for I have sinned . It has been almost four months since my last entry . Many things have happened in my life since then , but all those things have kept me so busy , that I haven 't had the time to blog about anything . And I feel quite guilty about it because this blog is sort of my journal . So . . . here goes . We went on a cruise . It was the same cruise we did 10 years ago for our honeymoon , but this time it was with Carnival and it was for Dan 's parent 's FIFTIETH wedding anniversary . Eight of their kids and spouses were there . It was fun to be on a big boat with so many people that I love . And our adventures in Mexico were fun , fun , fun ! On the boat we did a lot of hanging out and talking . We played trivia , family jeopardy , and took tours together . We were at the same few tables for dinner every night , switching back and forth for variety . We walked around in our robes , attended shows together , and tried to find empty rooms to take over . On shore , we took a guided van tour to a place where we could swim and jump off rocks ( Puerto Vallarta ) , ate yummy food , shopped for souvenirs , relaxed on the beach , and walked all around ( 2 days in Cabo San Lucas ) . It was a blast , and very relaxing . I actually lost two pounds . Asher had a birthday . I felt bad that we didn 't make a big deal or invite any friends . He requested a Star Wars party , so I made him a Star Wars cake and some of his gifts were Star Wars themed . It was just our little family , and then unexpectedly Stephen and Rachel stopped by with Lauren and Calvin and some gifts . It was an awesome thing , because then it felt like a real party . I had a birthday . It was pretty uneventful , but I went to breakfast with my sisters - in - law ( they are the sweetest ) and Dan got me a ukelele and a fitbit . I love both gifts . And the ukelele lead to our re - do of the front room , which is now a music room . Yay ! On my birthday , Asher started kindergarten . I didn 't cry . He didn 't cry . In fact , he told me that if he saw anyone crying he would pat their shoulder and say , " don 't worry , your mom will be here soon . " He is the only kid in school doing the half - day schedule , but we aren 't too worried about him . He seems to love school so far , and he is learning a ton . We think he looks cute in his uniform , and he is pretty good about doing his homework . I should also mention that I finally got our family to the dentist . It was Asher 's first trip . . . he was such a champ ! Gwen wouldn 't even open her mouth , but I guess she is still pretty young ( and sassy ) . Everyone checked out pretty well except for me . I had three crowns put on . I was in pain for over a month . It was finally resolved , thank heaven . Mouth pain is the worst . Besides all of these milestones , I have had a lot of day to day things that keep me busy as well . I have had a strange influx of sewing projects . I sewed curtains for a neighbor , a tablecloth for a random lady from our neighborhood , girl scout patches and mending for a new friend who lives by Amy , family picture / correlating outfits for a new friend and her five kids , and Halloween costumes for four cute girls from church . Then there are the piano and voice lessons , the random sewing lessons , the primary program we just had where I was in charge of the music ( and 300 kids ) , babysitting a sweet little girl once and week , family events , etc , etc , etc ! I feel like it is hard enough to keep up on the cleaning and the homework ( Asher has about 45 minutes of hands - on homework a day ) and the kids . ( Half done curtain for a client . I guess I forgot to take pictures when I was finished . ) On top of ALL of that . . . I am in another play . Copperstar 's The Wizard of Oz . I HAD to audition , because that movie and that story were such a part of my formative years . I feel like The Wizard of Oz is stitched in my soul somewhere . Anyway , I am the Wicked Witch ( ! ) and I couldn 't be more excited about painting myself green , throwing fire , and flying on stage . On top of that , I have been helping with choreography . . . so basically I have been there every rehearsal and then some . It is coming together , and I am so happy with the way it is turning out ! But of course it is also time consuming . Dan is my hero for putting the kids to bed every night and for being generally supportive and good to me . So there it is . Now that I am safely on vacation in Utah , I have the time and mental space to dedicate to my blog . This is my life , and I 'm not sorry . I 'm only sorry it took me this long to post it . Posted by Asher graduated pre - school last month . It has been so good for him to be around other kids his age two days a week . It has helped him socially , and the peer pressure has helped him to care a little more about learning . He can write his name , Hallelujah ! His teachers were awesome , and his graduation was the best ceremony I have ever attended . It was short and cute and fun . The kids got to slide down a slide when their name was called . And Asher looked so darn cute in his graduation gear . I don 't think I have blogged about any pre - school field trips other than the trip to the farm , but we also visited a fire station , the Phoenix zoo , and had a few fun park days . Asher always made the best crafts , and he was always excited when it was his turn to bring the snack or share a book . Near the end of the year he started worrying about whether his shirts were cool . I am a little bit glad that the school he will be attending next year requires uniforms . But I just cannot believe that he will be in kindergarten . Since Dan and I are about to go on a cruise and Asher and Gwen are staying with their Aunt Amy for a week , I figured it was time for Asher to take swimming lessons . The house has a pool , and the pool has a gate , but better safe than sorry . ( I wanted Gwen to be water safe too , but since she is not potty trained yet she wasn 't allowed in the class . ) Anyway , Asher was afraid of the water , and now he is not . I took him to 6 days of swimming class and now he can monkey walk , put his head in the water and blow bubbles , jump to people in the pool , and kick in the water . His teacher was so good with him . She knew just what to say and just how hard to push him . I 'm proud of him , and I love how proud he is of himself . The week after I finished that dress , our family took a trip to Santa Barbara . We stayed with Dan 's parents and we visited my sister who had just had a beautiful baby boy . He was 5 days old when I held him , and he is such a little love . They named him Jameson Osa Wrenn . My sister said she felt great , and she was walking around looking healthy as can be . I am so amazed at her resilient nature and her boundless energy . If I had a C - section I 'm sure I wouldn 't be able to walk for a week . The kids loved playing together , both at my sister 's house in the mountains and at their grandparent 's house . Another great thing about going to visit so close to when the baby was born was that we got to see Billy . He is in the National Forest Service , so he is off fighting fires a lot . This was actually his first time meeting Gwen , and she is 2 1 / 2 years old ! It was fun to have him around . While in Santa Barbara , we also went to the carousel with the kids . Asher thought it was fun , but Gwen was a little scared . I stayed standing next to her , holding her , and she was fine . We also went to the zoo that day . We had been to the Phoenix zoo twice recently , but the kids loved the Santa Barbara zoo because it is smaller and way less hot . We went on the train with Grandpa , which was fun . We also ate at the Habit , even though we have a Habit near us now . We went on a date while G & G watched our children . We ate at the Palace Grill , which is probably our favorite restaurant in Santa Barbara . The food is cajun / creole and SO delicious , the atmosphere is fun and reminds me of places I ate in New Orleans , and the service is exceptional . We love that place . We also walked around downtown a little bit . It is both interesting and sad to see it change so much from when we lived there . Certain stores that were fixtures before are no longer there . That 's life I guess . I tried to do some running / jogging even though I forgot my workout shoes . That was a mistake . My shins and ankles hurt for a week afterward . I didn 't even run that much , and I finished oPosted by Two weeks ago I was working overtime on a sewing project . My wonderful and beautiful niece Hannah asked if I could make her a prom dress . I thought , " Well , she knows what she is getting herself into . I made dresses for her dance concert when she was a freshman , and that was craaazy and last minute ( due to my own busy schedule and procrastination , I might add ) . " Still , I tried so hard to make sure I had enough time . We had to decide on a dress style , choose and order swatches and fabric , and then wait for it all to get here . I got the chiffon a week before prom and the underlining fabric three days before . Yeah . It was another last minute scramble . But there were a few things I could do without fabric . I measured her , made a body block and made sure it fit , put it on my mannequin , and planned the structure . I went to Joanne 's and bought thread , an invisible zipper , special machine needles for light fabric , beads , sequins , and other embellishments . And then when the chiffon arrived , I cut out the skirt and belt ( I just used some white fabric from my stash to back it ) and started hand beading . That probably took like 15 hours . I 'm just telling it like it is . And honestly , it drives some people crazy , but I really like hand sewing . It is fun . I made up the pattern as I went . I used 3 types of sequins , 3 - 4 colors of beads and occasional pearls . Not real ones . I took a picture of the process . Now you know why awesome beaded embellishment costs so much . If it is hand sewn , it takes a LOT of time . If you paid someone only 3 dollars an hour , it would still cost you $ 45 for 30 inches of beading . This doesn 't include materials ( which are cheap ) or a margin of profit for your finished product . You get the idea . So , after the underlining came I was able to cut out and sew up all three layers of skirt . Chiffon is sheer . The poly underlining wasn 't too opaque either . You can see in the picture to the right that two layers was not sufficient . ( You can see my mannequin through the dress . ) Three layers it was . I should mention that I didn 't use a pattern for this dress , although I did use pieces of a pattern for the skirt portion . I altered it to fit the dress I designed . But because I wasn 't using a pattern there were some times I had to sit and problem solve . You know , I had to figure out the shape of the under structure , where to put darts , how to drape and gather different sections , what should be interfaced , under - sewn , and tacked down . The times when I stressed the most all had to do with fit . I had one fitting with Hannah , but I could have used at least one more . Of course , it would have had to happen at 3 : 00am , and that wasn 't possible . For her , at least . Above is a picture I took of the dress on the day of Prom . I was just showing Hannah that I hadn 't gotten around to the beading at the neckline that we had planned , but it was still modest . I was having a terrible time with the zipper . It was easy to install , but it kept breaking and getting stuck . And even though I let the dress hang for a while , the hemline kept stretching . So hemming was difficult . On all three layers . The chiffon actually wasn 't that hard to work with , but that poly underlining was a pain . It was static - filled and slippery and shifty . But it was cheap , and I have worked with cheap - o fabrics since I was 12 years old , so I figured it out . Still , when Hannah came to pick up her dress , I was so worried because the zipper was stuck , yet again , at the waist . I tried to cut out the extra fabric at the stress point , etc . but it was not happening . THANKFULLY Hannah was able to get it on regardless . It was a little prom miracle . But the dress didn 't look fantastic from behind . And I was sad to have spent all that time on zippers and hems instead of beading the neckline . I ended up letting Hannah borrow one of my necklaces . Below are some pictures I stole from Facebook . They are kind of tiny , but you can see how it turned out . I was so happy that it was wearable , you have no idea . And that color looked so great on her , and the fit was pretty good . I couldn 't believe I had pulled it off ! And yet , I was also tortured by the stuff that either didn 't get finished or seemed a little funky . The belt didn 't meet all the way in the back , I didn 't bead the neckline , the fabric around the zipper was slightly puckered ( but seriously , how do you NOT have that with the disproportion of the weight of the fabric and the zipper ? ) and I would have liked to play around with the sleeves a little bit more . I think when I get the dress back I will re - hem it , re - zipper it , add beading , fix the belt , and re - shape the sleeves . When I create something , I am seriously irked until it is done the way I want it to be done . But at least it wasn 't crazy ugly , ill - fitting , or shabby looking . And look at that girl . You could put a potato sack on her and she would still shine . In other news , I made some mermaid tales for two of my other nieces right before the prom dress . They are actually made so that you can swim with them . Of course , I made their mom promise that they would NEVER swim unattended because I am so afraid they will drown . So far , so good . It helps that the fin is an actual swimming flipper . In addition , I made the tails in two parts so that if they felt like they were getting in trouble , they could kick off the bottom part and hike the top part up to kick their legs . I am terrified of kids drowning . But they sure look cute in those mermaid tales . And FYI , those two tales probably took me a combined total of 4 hours to make . I know this is a long post , but really , this should give you an idea of how long it takes me to design and sew . I am not super fast . I could never be on Project Runway , nor would I want to be . ( I actually have had nightmares about involuntary Project Runway participation . ) I could probably get faster if I sewed more often , but I hPS I need to thank the amazing Dan Hixon and mention his role in all this . Without his help , that dress would have been less than half finished on the due date . I told him I would really need his help that week , and he made meals , ran to the store for me , took care of the kids , put them to bed , etc . so that I could work . I am so blessed to have such a helpful best friend / husband / knight in shining armor . This is the image that started it all , folks . My little sister told me about this game , Draw Something . She said it was really fun and that I should download it . I 'm not usually a phone user , let alone an app user . It took me a while to remember to look it up and give it a try . But when I did , it appealed to me right away . I like to draw , I like to guess what other people are drawing , and I like the constraint of using my finger and a very small phone screen to get the job done . No , seriously . I started out with three colors and stick figures , but it wasn 't long before I was " earning " more colors and adding more detail . That picture of the Joker is the first drawing where I actually took my time . It was fun to create something kind of good in a few minutes with my finger on a 3 . 5 inch display . And it didn 't take long for me to realize that I had a problem . I probably play this game at least 5 times a day . Of course , the game has bugs . And the word selection repeats , so I have drawn a lot of words multiple times . Sometimes it is fun , because you want a chance to improve upon your last drawing or try making it a different way . But sometimes it is tedious because you get sick of drawing the same thing over and over again . It is interesting to compare a few of my multiples side by side . Can you guess what these are ? I bet you can . They didn 't take long to draw . They are in the 30 second - 1 minute range . These took a little longer . I 'd say 1 - 3 minutes . Man it is hard to get the details right on such a small picture . With your finger . I actually looked these up on Google Images first ( except for the " symphony " which I also normally accompany with a picture of a chocolate bar ) just so that I wouldn 't get lost . I don 't do that often . But if I 'm going to spend perhaps more than 3 minutes drawing something , I want it to be legit . This next picture is one of my favorites . I didn 't even try to get that look on Taylor 's face , but it happened . This is why I love using my finger on a small surface . Crazy things happen . Sometimes you have to erase those crazy things 5 times , but when you get a good one , it 's fun . How else do you draw Kanye West ? I know I 'm bragging , but remember , that is what this blog is for . This next drawing is the pinnacle . I cannot top it . I will never be able to draw anything better than this on my phone . It is all downhill from here . I actually found out while doodling you can run out of time , or " ink " as they call it . I had to finish the other two characters pretty quickly . I had to draw more than Captain Jack , because I was going for the actor , not the character . So that 's it folks . I should probably put myself on a technology fast . Seriously . March 17th was St . Patrick 's Day . It was also the day that one of Asher 's " best cousins " was baptized . I was asked to lead the music , which I happily did . I also made a bunch of green bow ties for my nephews . It was fun . The next weekend Dan and I saw a preview of the Hunger Games on Thursday , Seussical the Musical on Friday , and then on Saturday we took the kids to the Renaissance Festival . I thought the movie was good , but I could have made it even better with a few tweaks ( remember , I 'm narcissistic and studying screen writing ) , Seussical was fun and all my friends were fantastic , and the Renaissance Festival was . . . interesting . In a good way . I had never been to a Renaissance Faire before . The one here in Arizona is HUGE . There are a million shows happening on a million stages all at once . ( Ok , you got me . That was a hyperbole . It is more like seven or eight shows going on at once . ) And lots of vendors were selling things . There were a plethora of people dressed up eating turkey legs and getting drunk . And there were animals to observe , rides for the kids , and jousting . Jousting . We took the kids to a show called Three Guys and some drums . Asher loves drums , which is weird because he hates every other loud noise . Gwen on the other hand covered her ears the whole show , but she didn 't complain . We tried to take them to some kind of pirate show , but the jokes were all dirty and bad ( the no talent kind of bad ) so we left that one and crashed an acrobat exhibition . All I could think while watching them was " I could probably do that . It reminds me of movement class in college . " They were mostly just juggling and balancing . The last show we saw before heading back home was the jousting tournament . The kids both loved it . And I thought it was really interesting . They are all dressed up and acting , but they are also actually jousting and competing . The guy on the black horse was our guy . They split sections of the arena and tell you who to cheer for . Our guy was presented like a villain , but he won almost everything . And when he would win a medal , he picked a child from the audience to bestow the prize upon , so he couldn 't have been that bad . After the excitement of watching horses , Gwen met a fairy who put glitter on her arm . Then Gwen fell asleep in her stroller . That was our cue to leave . Dan and I decided that we should make a documentary about Renaissance festivals . I mean , the traffic to get there was terrible , the place was packed , the culture is so strong and different , and I have not had that much fun people watching in a long time . I kept thinking " Where did these people come from ? " We ate lunch on the lawn next to a half naked boy with long ratty hair who looked like Mowgli from the Jungle Book eating meat with his hands and his mother who was wearing a short skirt and sitting cross - legged . ( That was a run - on sentence , I know . ) There were 50 year old men wearing full Renaissance outfits with gusto and plump older women wearing corsets . I saw a group of young goth hispanics dressed up like dark fairies . And the people who worked there . . . now that is even more of a mystery . How do you get a job JOUSTING ? How do you even learn that skill ? And the acrobat trio looked to be about my age . They said that they travel around from Faire to Faire . How did they get started with that ? I am so curious as to how this whole culture began and why is appeals to so many people . PS . . . I don 't consider myself very " hot " right now , but in the fifteen seconds I was away from my family I was hit on by the guy selling pretzels . He looked like he was maybe 20 years old . It completely took me off guard because I am old and probably 30 pounds heavier than him . However , I did not notice a lot of particularly attractive people around , so I suppose at the Festival a 5 becomes a 10 , if you know what I mean . I wonder how different an experience it is for single ladies in corsets . Hmmm . . . Anyway ! April 8th was Easter . We dyed eggs the night before , and Asher was way more amazed and happy than I expected . And Gwen tried to drink the dye because it was Kool - aid . ( For reals , but with no sugar , so it smelled good but tasted gross . ) I think both kids enjoyed the egg hunt in our house on Sunday more than they would have if they had not had a similar egg hunt for Asher 's preschool a few days earlier . They practiced hiding eggs at home for each other , so they totally knew what to do . And they were so happy with their baskets of bubbles , M & Ms and coloring books . Of course we also went to church and I sang in the choir . I don 't want my kids thinking that Easter is all about candy and a big scary bunny . We rounded out the evening with dinner at the Stecks . It was the best . The following Wednesday we were invited to the zoo by the Martin family down the street . They have a zoo pass , so I only had to pay for Asher . This was my first time at the Phoenix zoo . I thought it was nice . The animals always seemed far away , but maybe that is because they have more land . ( The only other zoo I have experienced is Santa Barbara , and it is quite small . ) The kids thought the animals were cool , but they were happiest at the zoo play ground . And they had an ok time at the petting zoo . They are both a little terrified of animals , but those goats were pretty catatonic , so my kids approached with caution and got a kick ( not a real one ) out of brushing them . Asher wanted to be in the stroller most of the time , and Gwen wanted to run around . I got a work out for the day . And really , it was fantastic weather and we had a nice time . Besides all this , Asher is continuing to love preschool , Gwen and I ( and Asher once ) attended a great music class for a few weeks , and we have been living life : baking bread , playing games , doing favors , teaching , and trying our best from day to day . Gwen is loving her fake kitchen right now , but is not so excited about real food . Asher has discovered ( quite by accident - I swear I didn 't teach him ) his ljamie hixon I have a lot of things that I want to blog about , and I realize I haven 't blogged for a while , but I 'm going to start with how I 'm feeling . I 'm feeling pretty good . This is amazing , because for at least a year I have been feeling very run down . I would mentally berate myself for falling asleep at 4 : 00pm while my children were jumping on me and tying my legs together . I felt more than lazy , I felt bone tired through and through . I thought it must be my fault . I thought I didn 't have energy because of something I was doing or not doing . I tried altering my diet , cleansing , going on diets , and of course I work out at the gym without fail every week . Every time I would work out , I would be done for the day . I felt like I couldn 't move . I also tried not working out for a little while . No change in energy . Oh and by the way , I could not lose weight . I had some blood work done , and my thyroid was fine . Everything looked fine in fact , except for my vitamin D levels . I was put on prescription level vitamin D and told to come back in a month or so . If I 'm honest , it didn 't help me much . My sister - in - law mentioned that if she doesn 't take vitamin B complex vitamins every day she doesn 't have energy . I tried that as well . It helps a little . And I mean a little . When I went back to the doctor he suggested giving me Phentermine . It is basically an upper . ( We also checked out a few of my other malfunctions . I got my first EKG and did a lung / breathing test . Both completely normal . I still need to go in for a chest x - ray , and I 'm sure that will be fine too . ) The first week , my doctor told me to take only half a pill per day . So I did . OH MY GOODNESS GOLLY I had the most energy I 've had in my whole life that first day ! I didn 't even feel like sitting down at all . I couldn 't even think about the computer or anything really , except cleaning and organizing and straightening . I was on my feet all day long , and my body was a - ok at the end of the day . I also kind of felt a constant buzz in my head , but I think it 's a small price to pay jamie hixon There were bad guys in a hotel , so the police obtained a package . The package was filled with guns , to help them protect the people . The ice cream shop got a similar package , but their package was star - shaped and contained swords . They needed to defend the ice - cream . This is " Red Fire Grouchy . " He was pretending to be good , but he was really a mischief maker . He kept flying around and knocking things over . And he kept calling me " Jamie . " A metal tub of mud was placed in front of the hotel to stop the villains . When that no longer worked , Yoda was brought in to use the force . His back - up was a small dinosaur . Are you ready to see what the bad guys looked like ? Get ready to look into the face of pure evil . Or not . The choice is yours . ( This is a shot of a bad guy getting stuck in the mud pit . ) After the threat was neutralized , Asher ran a race . You know , with his fingers . He declared himself the winner , and this cake was his prize . ( That is Gwen 's hand in the shot . ) I probably don 't play with him as much as I should , but when I take the time to watch him , he amazes me . His imagination is awesome . He can take the first seven things he sees off the top of his toy box and create a world . And he wants me to live in that world with him . And that makes me so happy , even if he does call me " Jamie " when we are there . Posted by This is a public journal of my life . I have highs and lows the same as everyone , but I have a hundred interests so things might feel random around here . View my complete profile |
by thulika . net • 03 / 10 / 2014 • 0 Comments Ramam was walking slowly , step by step . He was new to walking on a concrete road . The rain just stopped . The sun was blazing forth in full blast . It was still midday , nowhere near cooling down . The cement road was still wet . Ramam was afraid that he might slip and fall . That 's why he was watching his steps . He stayed on the left side of the street , watching for the buses , cars and ambulances that were scurrying in a hurry on the street . He kept walking , as it was uphill and the road seemed to be getting longer for each step he had walked . Ramam was slight of stature , hardly would qualify to be called a young man . He was gasping for breath . The midday sun was scorching his pate . For a second , he thought about taking a rickshaw . Then he saw the hospital gate , not too from where he was ; one more furlong , he would be at the Collector 's office . He wished very badly , oh , god , get me there quickly somehow . Ramam turned around . Srinivasulu was on the sidewalk holding his bicycle with one hand and across from him on the street ; a meals carrier hung from the handle bar . He waved hand from where he was standing . Not that Srinivasulu was a stranger to Ramam . They were cousins . Nevertheless it was annoying - what is the problem with him ? Why is he blasting away all these questions at him , without break ? Why is he screaming and yelling on the street like this ? But then , what can he do ? Srinivasulu was ten to twelve years older , at the least . He had no choice but answer all his inquiries . " I came here early morning , bava . Staying with Suryam babayi . Yes , I passed the exam . That 's the reason for my running around now , " he replied . " You idiot ! You 're hardly sixteen ! Who do you think will hire you ? You say you 've passed the high school exam but look stupid , if you ask me . Did your dad really send you here ? Or , you ran away from home ? " Srinivasulu kept pouring the questions , nonstop . That is how he is . He would guess what the other might say , and come up with both sides of the arguments himself in a rush . But , Ramam cut him short and gave his reply . It was not what Srinivasulu had guessed . " What 's it , bava , how could you say such things ? Dad sent me himself . He was here a few days back . He made me apply for a few jobs here , entry - level positions , nothing big . He sent me now to pursue them the same , " he said . And before Srinivasulu could start again , Ramam added , " By the way , where 're you heading ? Work ? " Srinivasulu broke into a big laughter . " What work at this time of the day ? Besides , who would go to work with meals carrier and food in it ? I have never worked in my life , and am not going to work ever again in my life . Those idiots pay sixty or ninety rupees at the most . How can I run a family with that income ? " he said . Ramam could not follow his argument , not at all . Before he could figure it out , Srinivasulu seized his arm , and dragged him toward the hospital . On the way , he said , " If we stand here chatting like this , we 'll run out of time . The hospital guard would throw us out saying the visiting hours are over . Let 's go , hurry . Come on . My wife is starving . " gate , he said , " You wait here . They wouldn 't let you in yet . I 'll give the carrier to my wife and be back in a second . " he left for the city . " Orey , don 't go to any place as you please and get into a mess . Go straight to the street where our relatives live . On that street , you can stay in any home ; one is as good as another . There is Suryam babayi for one . Or else , our Subba Rao and Sita set up their family in the front portion of a house at the end of the street . Their set up is still raw , of course ; but , for them we are like family . And then , round the corner , Venkateswarlu rented a place , the one that has water tap and almond tree in the yard , you know . You can pick any house you like ; they all are as good as our own family . In fact , each one of them is going to insist that you must dine with them at least once ; they 're not going to leave you alone . But , there 's one thing you must keep in mind . Your aunt 's son Srinivasulu lives on the next street . He is a good person by himself , I must give that much to him . I would not have mentioned this , had he not gotten " that woman " and kept in his house . Crowds are crows , as they say . You just keep away from him ; mind your own business . " Before Ramam left for the city , his father had told him lot of things , in addition to that warning . He told him to stay there couple more days , if necessary ; meet all the friends he had mentioned and given the addresses of . He told him to behave well , be humble and polite . In other words , Ramam had to approach some people for recommendations ; and a few others , beg , if necessary ; get a job ! rooms , more like closets , one for cooking and the second for bathing . But it was separated from other units and thus quite pleasant . Ramam settled down on the bench on the front porch . Srinivasulu put the bike in a corner , and told him , " Have seat . You are looking up beat up by the heat . I 'll get you water . " He went in and returned with water and also a woman . He told her , " Here , he 's our Ramam , Chandram uncle 's son . Look at him , barely , the size of a thumb ; he has passed the school final exam and came , looking for a job . " Then he turned to Ramam and said with a smile , " She is one more akkayya for you , Ramam . Her name is Varalakshmi . " Several conflicting thoughts were nearly choking Ramam . Yet , some sense of decorum from the deepest corner of his brain , made him say namaskaaram . She , with a smile , as good as a freshly blossomed jasmine , asked , " Did you eat , tammudu ? " " Come on , Ramam , let 's go in . It 'll be cool there . The stupid humidity is awful here ; the stupid rain . " Srinivasulu went in . Ramam followed him , looking at the little things all Kistayya , one of them in the village used to have plenty of property and several children , both kind - boys and girls . Eventually , the children grew up , got married , had children of their own , and moved to other own places . Some of them settled down in the city . It even became a custom for the people who had settled down there earlier to help others to find a place and settle down . That 's how they all , the five or six families , happened to settle down on the same street . Three years back , Srinivasulu used to live under Suryam babayi 's roof . Suryam 's first wife died after their first daughter was born . That baby was the same Suseela , Srinivasulu 's wife , who 's now the new mother at the hospital . She would be returning home soon . Suryam married again after his wife had died . Srinivasulu was married at the age of 16 . His father had died earlier and his mother the following year . His uncle , now father - in - law , took him in . Srinivasulu had inherited huge piece of land , not small by any count - eighty acres of high - yield farm land . His mother - in - law had several children , a baby a year . Srinivasulu too had children , once every two years . Each time a baby was born , festivities like the naming ceremony were inevitable . Also , they kept playing the host anytime any relative came into town ; their house became pretty much a shelter . All these expenses had to be met with from the income on the land Srinivasulu owned . They all wanted the income from the land but nobody was willing to take care of the land ; the expenses exceeded income . In course of time , the land started disappearing bit by bit . Part of the remaining land went to the farmers , who were cultivating the land , a result of the new laws that were put in place . After all this had happened , the father - in - law had come to realize that he was not going to get any money from the land anymore . Then he started bickering with Srinivasulu . Finally , Srinivasulu came to his senses , moved out and set up his own family , and started a new life . He and his father - in - law were not on talking terms anymore . Ramam had some knowledge of this story . Srinivasulu , after getting into an arguement with his father - in - law , went to their village , sold the remaining land and started his family in the city . Now , the only thing Ramam did not understand was why did Srinivasulu get involved with another woman , after all this bungling of family relationships ? Why did he ruin his own life in this manner ? Srinivasulu ran into Ramam at noon and did not let him go until after six in the evening . Ramam managed somehow and got out of his grip by evening . His head was totally messed up . What was he supposed to now ? Should he go to Suryam babayi 's house ? Maybe , not right away ; probably , it 's okay if he goes by suppertime ; oh , god , those children ! Those little devils ! They would not even care that he was a stranger ; just walk all over him ; one boy would reach into his pocket ; a girl would climb on his shoulders , and so on . He had it for two hours , earlier in the morning , that was an experience of a lifetime . And then , Suryam babayi 's wife would start squabbling with the maid - good stuff for making a movie . She was so upset , she lost it , she dropped the coffee she was bringing for him , it was such a mess ; and it took another hour to bring him another cup of coffee ; that didn 't even taste like coffee ; it was some odd mix of a drink without a flavor , smell or color . Ramam started tracking down the street he came by and walking toward the beach . He couldn 't help wondering : what a difference between Srinivasulu 's house and Suryam babayi 's house ! It was small but clean ; there was even some furniture and a small radio in the second room . Srinivasulu also had five children but it didn 't look like a family with five children . He was old that the older kids had gone to school , and the younger ones were sleeping in the other room . The eldest , a girl , was 11 - years old , was in the 8th class . Srinivasulu said the girl was very smart ; he was planning to send her to medical school . Ramam thought that 's what I 'd call luck . He was smart too , he always scored the highest marks in his class ; in each class he ranked first . Yet , Chandrayya , his father never said , not even once , that he would send him for higher studies . Chandrayya had his own way of solving any problem ; he could do it in a second . He had gotten rid of his eldest daughter , Minakshi , as soon as she had turned 16 ; instead of taking time to look for a good match , he married her to a widower and was done with her . " She 's going as second wife , so what ? They are rich , she will be happy , " he said . Then Ramam . As soon as he finished high school , Chandrayya went to the city , went around looking for vacancies , picked up application forms for jobs that paid anywhere from 40 to 60 rupees , and got Ramam to sign them . Then he had shoved 20 rupees in Ramam 's palm , and had sent him off to the city . His father also told him to join right away in case such opportunity came up . Look at Srinivasulu , what 's his status ? Chandrayya had that much , no doubt . Yet , Chandrayya had never entertained the thought of sending Ramam for higher education . In his mind , simply living , that was enough . Ramam sat in the beach and kept ruminating until it got really dark . Why were they all living ? But then , was he going to do anything different ? This kind of heavy thoughts entered his brain , which was neither raw nor ripe . Then it occurred to him , " Am I really that old ? Look at the younger son of Venkatasamy and the oldest son of the mill manager ; they are the same age I am , and they are playing marbles on the street . " His brain jumped ahead of his age , and that was scary . He was beset by the thoughts about Varalakshmi again . Who 's she ? It doesn 't matter , she seem to be a nice person , so kind ! There was no small - mindedness , not even a trace of it ! That thought frightened him again . Suryam babayi had warned him in the morning , " Orey ! Remember your brother - in - law , Srinivasulu , Suseela 's husband . He 's taken to rotten ways . Probably , you 've heard it too . Don 't even set foot on his doorstep . You 're still raw , for starters . His life is rotten ; and he 's capable of dragging you down too . " How could Ramam comprehend all this ? All he 'd known was to achieve top honors in his class . His brain kept questioning him over and again , " Yes , I stayed in their house from noon till evening . Does that comprise ruination of my life ? " He had to admit it ; he had nothing but respect for Varalakshmi . Based on that , he felt even closer to Srinivasulu . But , if anyone else had heard of it , it would mean bigger trouble . He couldn 't shake away that thought . Therefore , he tucked away all this thoughts in the deepest corners of his heart , and reached his uncle 's home , which felt more like hell . The next day , Ramam went to several places on business . There was no hope of finding any job anywhere . By the time he reached home it was quite late . It didn 't seem like anybody was home . The entire was dark as hell . In that very second , the little baby started screaming , as if to let Ramam know that he was there after all . The lady of the house lit up an oil lamp , the size of a nail , and assured the baby , " don 't cry , babu . Here , I 've lit the lamp . " The baby was six months ' old . Ramam was scared to walk even one foot forward in that darkness . He was afraid just in case , afraid that he might step on some nutty cat , unknowingly . Suryam walked in and said to Ramam , " Oh , you 're back . I was waiting for you . Look , we 're out of kerosene and matchboxes . Take it from me ; your pinni is a real thickhead . Shouldn 't she be taking care of such things while it was daylight ? I went to Venkatesam 's house , hoping he would fill the lamp and light it up . But they all went to the movies . Nobody was home . Anyway , give me a half rupee . I 'll be back in half hour , with a wick lamp and matchbox . " He held out his hand for Ramam for the money . Ramam had no choice but give . Suryam was apologetic , " please , don 't get me wrong . I forgot where I put my purse . How can I find it in this darkness , you tell me . Don 't worry about it . I 'll return you money tomorrow . " In the next three days , Ramam had few more experiences that are unusual . One afternoon , pinni garu served him only dal , rice and buttermilk . She said it was hard to get vegetables in the city , even after shelling down lot of money . As it turned out , that was not a single incident . Almost each day , she served chutney for lunch and rasam at night , while cursing the city for not making vegetables available . From what Ramam had seen , that house had been always wanting in something or other . There was only one thing that seemed to exist there - poverty . Still , they all were living , living with great assurance at that . None of them would admit that they were living in poverty . The husband called it his wife 's thickhead ; she called it her husband 's amnesia . One day Suryam said , " We 're out of rice . I told the storekeeper to send a bagful of rice but that idiot is so forgetful . Give me a rupee , babu , I 'll get rice from the store next door . " Once again , Ramam had no choice but give . Out of the twenty rupees his father had given Ramam , Suryam babayi pocketed six rupees . He had no hope of ever getting them back . The only thing he could not figure out was : How they - two adults and seven children - could be managing to live , without any income , not even a paisa ? Let 's forget the money they did not have . There was no cleanliness either . Ramam was disgusted with their language , habits as well as their behavior . He could not meet Srinivasulu during the three days but he had to , of necessity , visit with other relatives . Each of the families had been living with a different set of values . Ramam 's father , Chandram , was part of the same genealogy , yet his ways were different . Chandram was an ordinary teacher ; yet , he was not hit by poverty , or with filthiness . In his home , nobody suffered any illness . They had enough food to eat and clothes to wear . They did not want anything more . Chandrayya did not believe in radio , gramophone , cinema and such things . Even special occasions , he made sure they were performed on a simple scale as stated in the sastras . He would say , " It 's the performance of the ritual that 's important , not the show . " Chandrayya was convinced , based on his experience , that there was only one aim in life . For him , living meant having food to eat and clothes to wear . Ramam was raised with that single value . He came to the same city , holding on to the same value - to find a job to meet his basic needs ; he had not seen any life beyond that . Under the circumstances , inevitably all these characters - Suryam , Venkateswarlu and a pretend brother like Subba Rao - looked strange . Venkateswarlu would go to the movies thrice a week , at the least . He would watch each movie twice at least ; and would take his wife with him . His income was 70 rupees a month , and he is a father of two . He and his wife would go to the movies , leaving the children in their neighbor 's care . The strange thing about him was he could skip a meal for want of money ; so also his wife . They would feed the children pakodi and water for supper ; they must watch the movies , there was no compromise there . They were paying twenty rupees rent for their portion . The landlord cut off the electricity because they defaulted on rent . Still , it was not adding up . How could they manage with 70 rupees , even it meant spending only pakodi and the movies ? Ramam , with his high school education , could not figure it out . The rumor was Subba Rao 's father had amassed considerable wealth through his business ; but now , it seems , his credit matched debit . Whatever it is , Subba Rao , being a rich man 's son , took twelve years to get through , from the ninth class to the pre - degree level , which he 'd never finished . That puts his age somewhere around thirty . Arranging his marriage also took a long time ; his parents could not find a bride befitting their status . Just a few months ago , he was married , which put an end to his education forever . His job search is another story . He would not take a small job , since that 's below his status ; he 's still waiting for a job that could measure up to his social standing ; that 's yet to come . In the meantime , his father had been sending him money , sufficient by his own computation . But , for Subba Rao and his new wife , the cash would last a week , barely . The movies , boat trips , hotels - all these things would cost money . How 're they managing the other three weeks ? - One more question that was perplexing for Ramam . Ramam went to see Srinivasulu again , after four days . By then , Suseela had come home with the baby from the hospital . He had seen her in his childhood days . She recognized him right away and greeted him happily . Srinivasulu was not home . Ramam turned around , saying , " I 'll come back later . " But Suseela stopped him , " Wait , what 'd you mean ? Why act like we are strangers to you ? Come on in sit down . Bava will be back in a few minutes . He told me , you came to the hospital . " She went on and on . Varalakshmi came in with a cup of coffee . How did she know I was here ? Ramam wondered for a second . He sat there sipping coffee and watching them . A few familiar In the next second , he was jolted into the present . Suseela was about to get up to get some clothes for the baby . Varalakshmi jumped to her rescue , " Oh , no . What 's that ? Why didn 't you say so , if you wanted something ? You 're a new mother , you should stay in bed . " " Well , I didn 't have that kind of luxury even the first time . Why now ? " Suseela said gently . There was no sarcasm in her tone , only tenderness . Ramam was taken aback . What kind of women are these two ? Is this all a show for his benefit ? His shock did not last long , though . Srinivasulu , who was supposed to be in within fifteen minutes , did not show up even after a half hour . Within those thirty minutes , those two women , who 're known as savathulu , changed several of his opinions dramatically . He told himself , " Suseela akkayya is not heartbroken , it 's not true . How can anybody , if heartbroken , be so kind and calm ? It 's absolutely wrong to imagine that there 's a falling - out between these two women . They are quite happy ; why the world is coming down hard on them ? Srinivasulu came home . Ramam told him about all the people he had met and what had been the outcome . While he was telling his story , Venkateswarlu showed up . Venkateswarlu was surprised to see Ramam there , and said , " Are you camping here now ? " Venkateswarlu pulled Srinivasulu to a side and said something . Srinivasulu went in ; a little later , Varalakshmi came to the front porch and gave a bill , probably , five rupees . The bill was slipped into Venkateswarlu 's pocket and he disappeared into the street - all this happened in quick succession . After 15 minutes or so , Suryam 's oldest son came with a handbag . He turned to Suseela and said , " Amma told me to bring some rice from you . " She said , " Ask Varalakshmi akkayya . " Ramam watched as the boy went in and returned with the bag filled with rice . from the same man again . Strange people , he thought . But he could not hold himself ; he muttered , " What 's this , bava ! They 're all coming to you ? " Srinivasulu , took a strong puff , threw away the cigarette butt , and said , lightly , " Oh , that ? That 's a mysterious riddle . They all banned me from our family circle ; but the banning rules do not apply to money and rice , you know . " And then , he added , " Forget them . What 's your program tomorrow ? Would like to go to the movies with me ? " " Movies ? No , bava . First , let me be done with the job on hand . I am almost done with the list dad handed to me ; there 's one more gentleman to meet and I 'm done . He 's out " God bless you . Seshagiri ? Why didn 't you tell me until now ? I know him very well . I can get anything done that can be done with his help . Do you know who he is ? A cousin of Varalakshmi . He was my classmate too . " While speaking those words , Srinivasulu looked at Ramam with some misgivings . Ramam read a lot in those looks - I can help Ramam was stuck in a dubious situation - he didn 't know what to do . Srinivasulu patted on his shoulder and said , " You 're looking lost . You want to ask something ; and also too scared to ask . I can see that . You are still raw , a sort of midstream of knowing and not knowing . Yet , you 're also smart . You have some understanding of worldly ways , but not their depth . This is the time for you to get a grip on things . You must have heard a lot about me . You 're curious about her - Who 's this Varalakshmi ? What 's the story ? " He In Ramam 's mind , that sounded just about right , at the same time , also like it was wrong . He would never ask Srinivasulu for an explanation , not on his own . However , since Srinivasulu started it , he wanted to know . He was curious . " All our relatives here said lots of things about me , right ? Now , you listen to me , what I want to say about myself . You are still young . Yet , your dad is pushing into the maze of life . Therefore , you listen to me ; between the two of us , I am the adult . They all told you that I might be misguiding you , because you 're young . No worry there , I 've no such plans . As far as I am concerned , in this wide world , each has to find his or her own path . It 's wrong to think that one person could turn into a bad person because of another . Any human becomes a bad person only because of his own stupidity . Nobody takes to evil ways , if he had a grasp of the ways of the world . " Srinivasulu looked at Ramam again , keenly . Ramam was listening to him closely . Srinivasulu continued , " Let me summarize my life for you . Then you think about it - what is the underlying philosophy of these people ? And what happens if we adopt their philosophy blindly ; put all your brains to work and draw your own conclusions . Varalakshmi had a dad like yours and mine . She was the only daughter . Just like all the sisters in your family ; she also was married , at eleven or twelve , into wealthy family . Unfortunately , the man died within a year . At the time , she barely had any idea about " But her father had a very good idea about the value of money . He fought with her in - laws and got 25 thousand rupees . She was still young and had no use for the money . father , who 's dead as of now . Varalakshmi went to school ; she was good in her studies up to high school . Her brothers did not let her go to higher studies . They were worried that , with better qualifications , she might fly away , and take the stash with her . But she had the spirit of freedom in her blood ; and she was alert all the time . By the time she " It was at that time , I was introduced to her by this same Seshagiri . She came to the K . G . Hospital ; some problem with her eyes . Ramam , she was looking for a man who would take care of her and her property . You could say it is a lottery ; for some reason , I was that man in her eyes . She said she put her trust in me ; and I said , fine , I would not destroy your trust . I could not . Want to know why ? Well , think about it ; a beautiful woman , with considerable wealth , came to me , looking for me ; am I not man enough not to take it ? We 're not married , not because we 're stupid . On the other hand , we both are very smart . We 're aware that marriage would mean trouble for her property . Bigamy is against law , you know ; we 'd lose on both counts . " Srinivasulu stopped to look at Ramam again . But Srinivasulu resumed , " Suseela had come to see that this is one way for us to have a happy life . I don 't think it was patience or generosity on her part . She 's the kind of those people who would grovel on rich investors . She 's Suryam 's daughter after all . In fact , she went into bonkers because her father ruined my property ; she whined more than I did . After her father lost most of my land , we sold the remaining strip ; that money was gone in no time . If Varalakshmi had not entered into our lives , we would have been in the same position as your Suryam babayi . But , see now ! Suseela and her children are wanting for nothing . The entire burden of the family is being straightened because of Varalakshmi . " Let 's check this out , too . Suseela is a woman , after all ; wouldn 't feel jealous ? People wonder about her . The truth is jealous results from disappointment . Her womanhood has been satiated ever since she was 14 - years old ; therefore , she has no such disappointments . By the time Varalakshmi came here , Suseela is already a mother of four . Now her wish is only that her children and she should have a good life , no reason to push away that wealth . She 's very happy internally that now she has got an easy way to have that good life . " Don 't get me wrong ; no reason to wonder why I was explaining all my life in such a great detail . You might even be thinking that what 's my greatness in this ? After all , a wealthy woman walked into my arms freely ; and I took advantage of it . No , Ramam , I am not saying this is all my accomplishment . What I am saying is , everybody in the work - all those people who had been cursing me and speaking ill of me . They 're whining because they did not get such an opportunity ; even Suseela is aware of it . Tell me , how smart is she ? Look at the neighbors ; they all keep comforting her endlessly . And Suseela does not have the poise to turn around and say to their face , stop , my husband did nothing wrong ; he is a hero . No , she can 't do that . Therefore , she also joins them , and says what can I do ? This is all my karma . Whatever 's gotten into his head and " Let me say this . I won a lottery . They all played it and lost . Know what I did ? I turned over my entire financial matters to Varalakshmi . Each morning , somebody or other from those families , will come to my door , asking for something - salt , dal , one anna or one rupee . That 's not loan but begging , if you ask me . They all know that each paisa they 'd been spending belonged to that ' woman ' . Each one of them holds out his or her hand , every day , to that very ' woman ' kept by Srinivasulu . I wanted that happen and for that reason I would not keep even one paisa with me . My entire family , including the baby born last week , and I are the pet parrots of Varalakshmi . " Probably , you are astonished but that is my story , " Srinivasulu finished his story . He narrated a long story , but without showing any emotion . He narrated it smoothly and pleasure after the teacher taught him a new lesson . He goes around telling everybody , hey , guess what , I 've learned a new lesson today . Ramam experienced exactly the same kind childish pleasure as that student . Not only that until now , nobody talked to him about people and the world . At home , whenever he tried to ask what was happening , all he 'd got was the same reply . His mother and father would tell him , no need for you to bother about . The strange part is , the same parents tell him , you 're not a child , and rush him , when it comes to taking up a job , getting married and producing children . On the other hand , to learn about all the worldly matters , he is still too young ! Ramam felt elated . Srinivasulu had no reservations at all ; he opened up to him , and told him his entire story . It was like Srinivasulu took him into his confidence , gave him an even a respectable status ! Ramam was buried in books until yesterday ; now suddenly he opened up like a bud that was moved into a favorable environment . Now he understood the whole world ; that 's how he was feeling , at the least . The feeling suffocated him . He felt reverential toward Srinivasulu . He couldn 't speak for a few minutes . And then he got up to leave , " I 've to go . See you tomorrow . " " What 'd you mean see you ? Just come early in the morning . We will go to Seshagiri and get the appointment order by evening . After that , you 're going to be a plus for all the five families here . Pretty soon , they all will perform your marriage with a young woman . That 's the way you are , right ? Your father said I 've put you through school . Now , go and get a job . And here are , looking for a job . Same thing . Your father will tell you to get married and you will get married . In this blessed country of ours , what kind of job you think you can get ? Nobody would be willing to pay better than 60 or 70 , at the most . Bless god . I am not saying anything wrong with that . But , Ramam , you 've made a mistake in the past . For the job you 're going to get , you didn 't have to work hard and rank first in school . There is no need for you to earn the title that you were the smartest school in school . You should 've left that opportunity to another student , who 's planning to go to America or England . Never mind , past is past . Take the job . But never come to me for a five or ten , like Venkateswarlu . If your father arranges your marriage , go ahead and get married . But never live like Subba Rao . Same thing with the way your Suryam babayi live ; that 's despicable . And also , you 'd better decide how you 'd spend the 60 or 70 you 're going to make . You decide how much you 'd spend on your royal wife and how much to keep for yourself . Or else , you can choose to take to bad ways , like Srinivasulu , and have a good life . That 's all I am saying . Don 't ever try to live a pious life like all those people . So , are you coming tomorrow ? " Srinivasulu finished his speech and let Ramam go . With this speech , Ramam lost the enthusiasm he had felt earlier ; it was like a bolt from nowhere . Suddenly , he felt like his future flashed in front of his eyes . A series of images rose in his mind 's eye - the dark house of Suryam babayi , his children , and the five - year old girl who was stricken with typhoid a year before and who now looks like a skeleton and her sorry face that never recovered . He recalled what pinni garu said at the suppertime ; she said the child fell sick and was in bed for 48 days . She could not describe all the suffering they 'd been through at the time - the doctors they 'd contacted , the money they 'd spent , it was endless . For Ramam , that was unimaginable . A few months back , his sister also contracted the same disease ; and she was given the new medication recently had come into the market . She was fine in three days . How come this little girl was not given the same medication ? In his mind , it was horrible . How could these families live such a miserable life ? And even worse was the way they were covering it up . He started wondering . Does every poor person turn into such a miserable human being ? If that 's the case , will he also become one of them ? Suppose he would take the job , with 60 rupees , income because dad said so . How long could be happy ? What if these relatives arrange his marriage , like Srinivasulu indicated ? Could he say no ? In fact , there is his uncle 's daughter in the wings . He knew full well that he did not have the guts to protest . Even after he had a job , he would still be relying on dad , what a misery ! Like Srinivasulu said , he would be getting 60 rupees at the most , and that would not be enough to run a family . Look at the way Venkateswarlu is living . He earns 70 rupees . His life may not as bad as Suryam 's ; but the difference is very little . Ramam knew he was not going to waste on the movies , like they do . But he also knew he could not default on rent for years at a stretch . He would not stop paying the electricity bill . If he were to pay all the bills in time , he would not have anything for food . He had to eat pakodi and fill the stomach with water . But then again , aren 't there many people in this world , who make only 60 or 70 a month and still are alive ? Well , maybe they are alive . Probably , that is how some of them are ending their lives . And some of them are living because they could not die . Some of them are dying a living death . What is all this - life , death , loans , bribes - what is the meaning of all this ? That 's life . Oh , my god , what a terrible thing this life is ! Ramam returned to Suryam babayi 's home . Before he could step inside , he saw Subba Rao at the end of the street . He invited Ramam to his home . Ramam didn 't like the idea , Subba Rao rented a two - room apartment . In the front room , there was a rosewood chair , from their grandfather 's time ; it has ivory lion - heads on both the arms . A cabinet with mirrors was in a corner . The floor was covered with a worn out , expensive carpet . The walls were filled with several photographs of politicians and gods in equal proportion and a few sceneries . The remaining wall was covered with two , three - years old calendars . Last time Ramam was here , he did not go in . He sat on the front porch . Therefore , he did not have the pleasure of witnessing all this past glory . Then Subba Rao invited him into the next room , " Come in . See our house . " In that room , there was a modern rosewood dressing table . It was filled with facial creams , face powder , perfume bottles and a silver elephant incense stick holder . Closer to the wall there was a double bed ; and , enlarged pictures of movie stars on the wall . In all , that room was an exemplary bedroom with a mix of old and new . Ramam has no opinion in such matters . Yet , he honestly tried to understand the high - class lifestyle of Subba Rao . His wife , the little young lady , was busy in the dark dungeon called kitchen . Subba Rao called her , " Bring us coffee and tiffin . " She danced her way into the room , with a cunning smile , and said , " It 's almost time for supper . Now coffee ? Have lemon juice . " Then she went in and returned with two glasses of lemon juice . How could it be suppertime , it 's Subba Rao said , jokingly , " Hey , Ramam ! How come you went to Suryam babayi 's house ? A royal guest there ? You didn 't even eat once at our place ? So be it , let 's go to a movie , You 'd passed the exam , came to the city , you must see one movie at the least . What do you say ? " For the moment , Ramam felt the same thing . Yes , why not go to the movies ? He was feeling boggled down for sometime now . " Okay , let 's go , " he replied . Subba Rao nearly jumped with joy . He called his wife , " Sita , get ready in a minute . We 're going to the movies . " He rushed her ; and Sita is always ready for the movies . They all left right away . " Movies ? I was thinking of the same thing , " and he joined them . After they all reached the theater , each one of them put his hand in the pocket . Subba Rao said , " Oh , no . I forgot my wallet . I rushed out fearing that we could be late , " and turned to Venkateswarlu , " You buy the tickets . " Ramam 's head spun like a top . He could not recall what happened at the theater . It was depressing . He did not have pakodi or soda . He was hungry . He dragged himself to " Are you already in bed , pinni garu ? I went to the movies . They all insisted . Sorry , I am giving you trouble , " Ramam said . " Your uncle said you went to Srinivasulu 's home . I thought you 'd eat there . Oh , my silly boy ! Here , have this , " she said . She gave him a glass of buttermilk . Ramam could hardly look at the glass , an old , discolored enamel piece . He closed his eyes and gulped the drink . Then he spread his bed on the front porch and lay down , with his knees pulled up to his chest . Next morning , Srinivasulu was waiting for Ramam . They were planning to go to Seshagiri , together . Ramam arrived a half hour late ; he did not come alone . He brought his suitcase with him . His eyes were drawn in ; the face was looking beat up . Within one day , he looked like he was sick for six months . " So I heard . You 're not feeling well ? " she said , and turned to Srinivasulu , " He never left home , I suppose . It seems he is homesick . " For some reason , Ramam felt at home in her presence ; wanted to talk to her . He picked up the courage and said , " Not homesick , akkayya ! It is the people in this town ; they can make anybody sick . " Varalakshmi did not follow his remark ; she looked at Srinivasulu . Srinivasulu ignored her and said , " Oh , that 's what it is . Okay , now I 'm convinced ; our boy is going to do just fine . Listen , you should learn to stay from such sick folks ; not falling sick because of them , that is not right . " Ramam went home and announced his latest decision . He had decided to continue his studies - an uncanny result of his visit to the city . Chandrayya heard the decision and , in the next second , he hit the roof . " What 's gotten into you ? Whoever 's coached you ? What 's there to study more ? " he shouted at his son . " Do you have any idea , at what age , I started as a teacher ? You don 't want to work yet , you say . You 're going to be an adult in a year . Are you thinking you 're still a child ? " Parvathamma , Ramam 's mother , intervened , " Let it be . He is young , isn 't he ? Even otherwise , young or old , he is the only son for us . Let him have his way . " " Nice , you 're supporting him too ? What do you mean , harping on , study , study ? Why spend ten more years on studies and go bankrupt ? Doesn 't it make sense to start " He said that too . He 's lost his brain with this trip , I suppose . So be it . Tell him to go to hell and do whatever he pleased . " Ramam sat down on the beach at twilight and was thinking about himself . He looked at the sky and the birds flying in the air . He was talking to his father , who was not present , Nanna , I don 't know how to explain it to you . I am not saying I want to study to save the world or to achieve something big in my life . You 're right about one thing . After visiting the city , my head spun . I saw the people live like frogs in a rut , biting each other , and eating up each other . That environment made me sick to the stomach . I don 't believe that I would land a fancy job because of my higher education . Know why I want to go to the college ? To escape from life ; to fly like a bird freely in the sky . Nanna , you Rao and Venkateswarlu ; and their extravagant lifestyles - they all opened my eyes . How can I explain all this to you ? I need to scrutinize the world with this new vision one more time and make my decision in regard to my place in this world . My education is going to serve that purpose . |
I always get up before anyone . I love the quiet time . I need the quiet time . As I was sitting on the couch , husband decides to get up earlier than usual . Came down the hallway , into the living room and fell flat on his face . I fly up , asking if he 's OK , all the while my heart is in my throat . " It 's really happening , this is really going to happen " , I think to myself , after putting my heart back where it belongs . I have seen husband fall a number of times the last several weeks . But , it never gets old . That feeling of seeing him fall , so helpless , face down into the carpet . It makes him mad . Mad at everything . I can 't blame him . I mentioned again that maybe he should use the walker . Of course , he says no . I know how he feels . He doesn 't want to give up the last ounce of dignity he has left . He hates that walker . I got it out of the garage and he put it back in the garage . Took Jack to school . On the way back , for some reason , I turned on the radio . Since diagnosis last year , I stopped listening to the radio in the car . Tuned into a Soft Rock station . They were playing a song I love . Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers . And I started to cry , big , racking sobs . Could hardly see to drive . I don 't know why I did that . Maybe because the past week has been really rough on me . By the time I got home , I was OK . Emotions . Tomorrow , I go for a check - up . My Dr knows all about husband . He is the one who referred him to Neurology , way back in 2009 . Keep thinking I need something to help calm my nerves . I don 't want to take anything , but something has to give . Will have to see what he says . Today , I will try to keep calm . Husband has not moved from his chair since he fell . Is he afraid of falling again ? Probably . I have to keep really close watch on him now . All the searches I 've done the past couple of years say this is the beginning of the end . Once he cannot walk anymore , he will be bedridden . Then , it 'll be all downhill from there . All because of a tiny microscopic gene . A gene that does more damage than an atomic bomb . A gene that kills . A gene that is now in full force in my husband 's brain . Killing him . Posted by Yesterday was a lovely day . Husband at his Dad 's , all day long . Got my laundry done , relaxed and watched some of this trial that 's being played now . Interesting . I watch a lot of TruTV , it 's all about the legal system , and they show trials , past & present . Anyone hear of Casey Anthony ? I was glued to that TV for over 8 weeks . Riveting trial . Keeps me updated . Want to know what 's going on in the outside world . My new world consists of watching husband for signs of seizures , choking , giving medicines 4 times per day , making sure he eats proper , make sure he does not hurt himself , make sure when he falls , he is ok , make sure that he has enough fluids , make sure he doesn 't fall while in the shower , make sure he is not having any side affects to the high power meds he is on , make sure I make his Dr apppointments , make sure he is comfortable . I also , clean house , do laundry , cook , grocery shop , pay bills , budget and hold the household together . Oh , yes , there is also a young man to care for too . Jack is and has been wonderful through all of this . I can see the anger he feels , but , we talk about it , I make sure he understands what his dad is going through . But , I can see the longing in his eyes to get out of here . I know he can 't wait until he leaves for Basic Training . He doesn 't have to say it . I know my child . I am sure he is counting the days until he leaves , 10 months from now . The other day , Kristen and I were talking and husband comes shuffling in the living room . Sits down and says to Kristen , " So , where are you working at now ? " " Uh , same place I 've been working all along " , she says . I told her to get used to this , as it happens alot lately . I am used to it because I am with him daily . It still catches me by surprise , but I recover quickly . I have to , otherwise , if you show surprise , it scares him . Once he 's scared , it seems his brain short circuits , and off we go to another place . I am debating going to a funeral this Friday . It 's the mother of one of my Support Group members . She was 70 yrs old , she had Dementia . She suffered alot . At the last meeting , she was telling us of her mother 's condition . It was awful . Her mother no longer knew anyone , not even her daughter . Imagine that . My mother - in - law knew no one at the end , only my father - in - law . Not even her only child , my husband . My mother - in - law stopped talking a few months before she died . When we found out our Jack was on the way , he wanted to tell her . Once he walked in her bedroom , she appeared to be asleep . He sat down , she opened her eyes and he told her she was going to be a grandmother . She smiled and whispered , " I know " . She died 5 weeks later . I think I need to go to this funeral . Show my support and all . Husband will have to be told where I am going . I don 't like to upset him . May have to make something up . Kristen will come and sit with him . This Support Group is wonderful . When husband 's time comes , I will want them there . So , here we go , the first of many funerals . Posted by Been a rough couple of days . Husband has been on a downward spiral . It started on Thursday , with no end in sight . He seems to be OK this morning , but , it can turn bad quickly . By yesterday afternoon , I was so jittery , I was almost in tears . I had to have peace & quiet . I felt like I was going to just crawl out of my skin . I orderded him to the room . Told him to go in his room and don 't come out until he could behave . He did as he was told . Stayed away from me . I made dinner , he ate , never said another word , went back to bed . From there on , I was able to relax and calm down somewhat . Who does this ? Who talks to their husband like he is a 4 yr old ? Who makes their husband sit in his room until he can behave ? I do , that 's who . Anyone know how hard this is ? There are alot of women who have cared for and are caring for husbands who are disabled , I get that . But , when you have a husband who is not only disabled , but is loosing his mind also , that makes for one interesting life . I won 't quit on him , no , but I surely need a break from him . There are times that I resent him . How dare he do this to me , to us . There are times I can 't stand to be around him . There are times when all I want is for this to be over with . There are times that I want to walk out that door and not come back . But , guess what ? I don 't . I continue what I do , take care of him . By joining this Support Group , I found out that it 's OK to have these feelings . They are normal . So , I 'm normal . Good news . Today , he wants to visit with his Dad . I feel like a kid going to the zoo . I get some alone time , I am just too excited . I need it . Already , I can feel my jaw tightening and all he is doing is just sitting here , staring into space . But , that 's all it takes . You just never know . Here we go , new week . I need to find my ground , get centered again . This last episode took me by surprise . Need to brace myself for another onslaught . Gotta get it together . Today , though , I will have the quiet time I need , with Jack in school and husband at his Dad 's . And , I will find my inner strength again . It 's there , just gotta go get it . Jack was sworn in yesterday . He now belongs to the United States Air Force . His departure date is sometime in July , 2012 . I was so proud of him as I stood and watched him be sworn in . He was the youngest , with the oldest being in his 30 's . They all kind of looked at him like a little brother . One of the officers told me that during the long day of physicals , FBI and psychological tests , the other guys were amazed at Jack 's maturity and confidence . Jack 's firt two choices of jobs are , Heavy Aircraft Mechanics , ( to which he would be the chief , due to his high ASFAB score ) , or , Nuclear Weapons , top secret job . The 3rd on his list is Air Controlling . Whatever he decides , he will do a fine job . So proud of that boy , or , ( ahem ) Man . Husband behaved quite well yesterday at Jack 's Swearing in Ceremony . When we were going through the metal detector at MEPPS , the officer told him to put his wallet on the table , then go through the metal detector . Husband did not understand , picked his wallet back up , got out his ID , looked at the officer confused . I looked at the officer and saw his look of , " What are you doing ? " I just very calmly said , " Honey , put your stuff down and just walk through . " When we got into the main area , we had to be issued badges and sign in . As I was signing in for me , husband whispered , " You have to sign in for me , I don 't know how . " Once we got home , husband seemed a little agitated . He is still miffed that I took control of his meds . I ignored him , I have to . He pouted the rest of the evening , didn 't like what I made for dinner , but , ate it anyway . He was ignored , it 's easier that way . If I continue to cater to him , he only gets worse . So , like I would with a child , I ignore the poutiness , and he quiets down . This morning , he is still the same . He will be ignored again if he continues . I hate mornings like this , it almost always turns out to be a very trying day for me . Just , drains me . I will be busy with cleaning , washing bedding and hopefully catching a movie on TV . I need to relax . It seems like everytime I want to just sit and zone out in front of the TV with a good movie , he acts up . At least I know now how to handle the situation , but , he is work . Here 's to a good day . One that will end well , I hope . I have to go to the store and , to ease matters , I told him that " we " need to go to the store . He seemed to like that . One day , this will all be gone , he will be gone . Will I look back and wish he were still here , having temper tantrums , pouting and stumbling everytime he attempts to walk ? Will I miss him miserably ? Will I be a basket case ? I don 't think so . Of course I will miss him and be sad . But the man I knew as my husband is gone already . I miss the old husband . He was a good man . A hard working man . Because of this monster , eating away at his brain , I have been forced to live with a stranger . I have been forced to be mon & dad . I mourn the loss of my husband before he is physically gone . Posted by I just got an email from my Support Group leader . One of the member 's mother passed away early this morning . I heard that she was a wonderful woman . A wonderful wife and mother . And this is what she got in the end ? Huh , makes me stop and wonder . Husband had been doing so well , then , of course , out of the blue yesterday , total confusion , agitation , wanting to argue . I had called in his anti - seizure meds the day before and as I was on hold , I started counting the pills that were left . He has not been taking the prescribed dose . Now , let me stop here and go back to last summer . When they prescribed this drug , I told him I would keep the meds and give to him at bedtime . He fought me on that , said he could do it himself . So , every night , I checked to make sure he had taken his meds . Seems he has not been on the up and up . Yesterday morning , I took all meds from him ( there are three now ) and told him from now on , I was handling all meds . These meds are for different symptoms , like the anti - spastic med for his spastic legs . That is to be given 1 / 2 tab 3 times a day . The other , Aricept , is to be given at dinner time . The other is the anti - seizure med , 2 tabs at bedtime . So , he didn 't like it , but I took it all . Now , I can be sure his meds are given to him properly . I told him , " fight me all you want , but you will not win " . He threw a few fits , I ignored him . His meds are now locked up away from him . During this time yesterday , I got so mad . Mad that I have to treat husband like this , mad that his son gets to watch this , mad that husband has to go through this . Just mad all around . Ugh , it lasted all day long . And this , folks , is just the beginning . Jack is , as we speak , doing his physical . When he is through with that , the FBI comes in and grills him . Jack told me last night , " Don 't worry Mom , I can handle the FBI " . So full of confidence . When he is done , he will call me , and we will be invited to attend his Swearing in Ceremony . I will post pictures on Facebook for those interested . Husband just asked , again , for the upteenth time , where do we go for the ceremony . I told him , again , that it is downtown at the MAPPS Station . He says , " Hey , don 't look at me like I 'm stupid . You never told me where it is going to be " . I have to be happy for my son today . I will celebrate with him and know that if he gets in , his future will be secure . But , during all of this happiness , I have to watch my husband 's future slipping away . Today will be bittersweet . Sweet , because my son is becoming a man . Bitter , because husband cannot be a man anymore . And that hurts . For him , Jack and myself . Jack took the ASFAV test yesterday . His score was 81 % . They all were blown away by how high it was . Most people get 50 - 70 % . He breezed right through it , he said . Said it was so easy . For him , maybe . He wasn 't able to go to the hotel however . Seems the recruiter forgot to register him at the hotel . So , he came home . As he walked in the door , my first thought was , " uh oh " . He explained what had happened , said we had to go to the recruiter 's today to sign papers for him to enter the Air Force . As he was talking , all I could think about was , " did he pass ? " Then he showed me an envelope . It was sealed , with his grade in it . Said he wanted to wait until he got home to share it with me . As he was opening it , I noticed his hands shaking , just a little . Then , he says , " Oh , cool , I scored 81 % " . I was overjoyed . When he called his recruiter to inform him of the score , his recruiter said he had never seen a score that high . Later , he went on the Air Force site . You can choose what you want to go into by how high your score is . With his high score , he can get into anything , except one thing . I don 't remember the name of it , it was hard enough to even pronounce . Now , he says , he 's leaning more toward Bio Medical something . Whatever he does , he will be great . As we were talking about going down there today , he said , " Mom , dad can 't sign his name anymore . Will you sign for him ? " Of course I will . This is going to hurt husband though . He can 't do anything a " normal " father can do . Not even sign for his son to go into the Air Force . And that makes me mad and sad . This is one of those times where it 's bittersweet . My son has become a man , he will be leaving to begin his life in 8 months , it will most likely be the last time he sees his father . Husband looked so proud last night , but , once we get down there , and they ask him to sign , he will look at me like a helpless child as if to say , " help " . Some will look at him with pity . Don 't pity him , I think , he can 't help it . Today , Jack takes the ASFAV test . I have to pull him out of class at 1 : 30 , the test starts at 2 : 30 . I know he will pass . He 's not too nervous . When he first went to talk with a recruiter , they gave him a pre - test . Recruiter said most score a 40 . Jack scored a 74 . After the test , they will be taking them to a Hotel for the night , physical & psychological tests in the morning . He is wanting to get into Computer Science . He is so smart , things come easily to him . We had a nice birthday dinner for him yesterday . Husband seems to be doing ok . Dr A asked me last week if I had noticed husband urinating more than usual . Told him I had . He explained that the muscles are breaking down and the urge to go will increase . That 's why they end up in diapers . Great . Something to look forward to . The past few nights , husband has gotten up several times to go to the bathroom . Husband has had a few accidents the last few weeks , just never put two and two together . Now , I know why . Husband says it 's because he drinks alot of water . I call my mother every Sunday . We had a great conversation yesterday . She will be 94 in October . I try to make it out to LA to see her in October for her birthday , but , told her I just can 't this year . Finances being what they are , not possible . She said she understood . Told her I would call her alot on her birthday . She liked that . Today is laundry day . It 's still warm enough to hang clothes on the clothes line . I love the smell . It won 't be long before the cold sets in , so will take advantage of it while I can . The church we have been going to is very large . So large , that , there are 2 services on Saturday evening and , 3 on Sunday . As large as it is , everytime I leave , I feel fulfilled . The music is fantastic . It is loud , real loud . It 's kind of like being at a concert . As the band plays , people clap their hands to the beat of the drums and sing their hearts out . If you can 't see the band , there are 3 big screens to look at , plus the words to each song are displayed on those large screens . The first time we went , I just mouthed the words to the songs . The second time , I clapped my hands and sang a little . Last night , I clapped my hands , moved to the beat of the music and sang my heart out . As I glanced over at husband , he was clapping his hands and trying to move to the beat of the music . Because of his spastic legs , it was a jerking motion , but move he did . Husband likes me to read from the Bible each morning now . It soothes him , makes him more relaxed . He asks questions , questions I sometimes don 't have answers for . One day last week , husband came to me and said , " I didn 't know about all of that stuff you read from the Bible , how Jesus was God , but born to flesh " . He remembered what I read ! ! ! All these mornings when I have read to him , he is retaining some . I like to think the Word of God is able to communicate with his soul . Where some people cannot reach him anymore , God is . When husband 's time comes , I know now where he will be going . I don 't have to wonder anymore . That 's my one and only consolation . He will live again , he will be able to walk again , he will be able to speak clearly again , he will be able to think again . He will be healed . Husband got his Medicare card in the mail the other day . As of 12 / 01 / 11 , he will be on full Medicare . Good news , I guess . It just seemed so . . . . final . He seemed excited , said , " That 's good news , right ? " " It sure is " , I said . He had to sign the card . He wrote his first name , but when it came to his middle initial , he said , " how do you make a G ? " It was a scribble , that G , but I said it was fine . For some reason , after he is gone , I want to keep that card and look at that scribble that is supposed to be his middle initial and remember the day . Had a few spells yesterday of mood changing . One minute he was fine , the next he seemed agitated . I have to be very careful at how I speak to him , as sometimes my voice can upset him . Have to measure the level of my voice and think before I speak . Otherwise , I upset him by what or how I say things . Picked up his 2 other prescriptions Dr A prescribed yesterday . Of course , I had to take him with me . Ugh . When we got back in the car , he ripped open the bag , took out the drugs and said to me with a big smile on his face , " This is gonna fix my legs , I just know it " . I just smiled and nodded my head . What else can I say ? He tried to read the labels , got frustrated and put them in the back seat . We went to his Dad 's house , his dad wasn 't home , so he visited with a neighbor who he 's known since birth . This neighbor is old now , and as I watched the two of them , both using canes , both hunched over , it saddened me to think that the neighbor is at least 35 years older than husband , yet , they walk the same . This neighbor knows that husband has the same disease that killed his mother , but , he never lets on to husband he knows . Sad to watch . Tomorrow , I will have Jack 's birthday dinner . Husband just said to me , " Tomorrow is Jack 's birthday " . " No " , I say , " it 's Jack 's birthday dinner , his birthday was last Tuesday " . He just nodded his head , " the look " is there today . We can go anywhere today , I just feel it . Don 't know what today will bring , it 's always a surprise . At least I can almost tell what kind day I 'm going to have within twenty minutes of him waking . So far , he 's confused this morning , in a " mood " , and I have to play pretend everything is OK . Got a call Wednesday morning from Dr A . He wanted to see us that afternoon . I told him we had an appointment on the 31st , but he said he had an opening , so off we went to see this specialist at UNM , but not in the hospital , he is off hospital grounds , in the Mind Science Center . It was easy for us , as we don 't have to park underground and walk so far . Husband can only walk a little , then tires out . Dr A gave him some more tests , cognitive tests . He did ok , but was so nervous , you could see him shaking . Failed miserably , but all in all , Dr was pleased about some of the abilities he still has . I told Dr about the jerking , vibrating and choking . He just nodded . Dr A was impressed with his upper body strength . Said he wants to push this genetic testing . He wants to be 100 % on the Familial Frontal Lobe Dementia . He said he is leaning toward Early Onset Alzheimers , but this type of dementing illness or any type of dementing illness has so many charateristics , he wants to be 100 % certain . If we can 't get it approved , he said the only choice I would have would be to request an autopsy . Then , he said , we would know for sure . I do want to know if Jack carries the gene , I do need to know if he will be afflicted with it . " One thing , Mrs Lucero " , he said , " Whatever name you want to call this , he is terminal , his life expectancy is short , you and I both know that . We will do everything we can to make him comfortable " . I just sat there nodding my head , nothing to say , it 's all going to end the way we don 't want it to end . He is dying . Of course , husband thought they had made a mistake and gave him prescriptions for the " stiffness " in his legs . On the way home he said , " Dr says there 's nothing wrong with me but it 's my legs , they are just a little stiff " . What ? After I brought my car back under control , I just agreed with him . If that makes him happy , then so be it . Let him think that . He seems happier . All he talked about yesterday . All . Day . Long . Last night I found him wandering in the garage . I asked him what he was doing in the garage at 10 : 00 , he mumbled something I could not understand , seemed to come out of his trance , shuffled back to bed and slept . How strange this disease is . Wednesday at the Dr 's , he seemed ok , next night , he 's caught wandering around in the garage , totally confused . Sunday I am making Jack a birthday dinner . Pat , Christine , Tyler & Susie will be coming over . I hope it will be nice for Jack . He acts so uncomfortable around his Dad lately . I think husband can sense it too . Have I ever said how crappy this is ? Yes ? Well , I 'll say it again . This is crappy . Yesterday was rough for my Jack . He wanted to get a set of car and house keys for himself . Husband insisted on going . Jack came to me frustrated saying , " Mom , dad wants to go with me , but he acts awful in the store , I don 't want to take him , Mom , please " . I said , very softly , " Son , your dad doesn 't know what he 's doing anymore . It 's not that he 's being mean to you honey , it 's the disease talking . The man we knew as your dad is gone , please , pretend he 's your litle brother and let him tag along " . That wonderful child of mine did as he was asked . I could see he was on the brink of tears , but took his dad with him . He said later he behaved very well in the store . After they had gone , the ache I felt for Jack and husband overwhelmed me . It reminded me of a movie I had watched many years ago . It starred Henry Fonda , Jane Fonda and Katherine Hepburn . The husband was dying and took it out on his daughter , played by his real daughter Jane . And how Katherine Hepburn , her mother in the film , tried to get her to understand that her dad did not hate her , it was the disease . I remember watching it then and thinking it was all just acting and " made up " . Not so . That movie means something to me now . And now , so many years later that movie has come to play out in my life . It 's not something made from Hollywood . The movie has true , deep meaning now , to me , to my family . I don 't know what the title of that movie has to do with the subject , but I am going to think that one day , too soon , husband will be at that " Golden Pond " , with his mother . And after leaving this earth too soon , destroyed by a monster of all diseases , together they will understand . It all happens for a reason . It 's not His will for husband to be here anymore . Today , my child turns 17 . I let him take the car to school , being his first day of school , his Senior Year . Last year . Next year this time , he will be in the Air Force . He will spend his 18th birthday away from me . He is a man now . Thinkng about that , I have to catch my breath . God willing , he has dodged the bullet . The bullet that runs rampant in his dad 's genes . The bullet that is killing his dad , right now , as we speak . His future looks promising . He deserves to live past age 47 . He 's my child . This disease has many stages . Most of them ( who am I kidding ? All of them ) , make me crazy . One however , can drive one up the wall and out the door . Paranoia . Husband now thinks people are going to break into our home . Everything must be locked up , everything . He even puts a piece of a wooden rod on our bedroom window , to keep the " bad guys " out . Now , we have a BIG dog , who stays outside when we go someplace . One look at that dog and no one would dare enter the yard . Husband will not be convinced . I have given up and just go along with it . But yet , it makes me crazy . Another one is if something is making a noise , he thinks it 's broken . Last night , the filter on our fish tank was making a slight noise . All it means is the water level is low , add some water . Husband wanted me to show him how to break down the filtering system in the morning so he could get to the bottom of the noise . I agreed , ( it 's just easier that way ) , added water this morning and it 's fine . When he wakes up , there will be no noise , but he won 't remember it making noise last night anyway . We went to church yesterday instead of Saturday night . Great service , wonderful place . The sanctuary is huge , and I always find seats for us near the back , easier for husband to get out of at the end of service . I have him sit at the end , as he cannot walk in between rows easily . It was SRO and as we were singing , a lady came up to husband asking if the seats further down from us were saved . I happened to glance and saw her trying to get him to understand what she was saying . He had blanked out , " the look " was back and I just took over , moved down some , moved husband down some and everyone was happy . During the service , I shed some tears . Husband just cannot communicate anymore . It 's not that he cannot hear you . His brain doesn 't recognize words anymore . I can communicate with him , but other people cannot . It 's hard when people look at him like " what 's wrong with you ? " Not that that lady did , she was very nice . It 's other times and that 's what made me shed some tears yesterday . At my Support Group , they gave me a great idea . Make up some business cards that say , " Thank you for understanding . Our loved one has Dementia " . After yesterday , it 's seems the right time to do it . Yesterdy was interesting . It had nothing to do with Dementia . It had to do with me . I had an experience this past week . I won 't go into details , but , am so amazed at people . I was treated with the utmost crude , rude , ignorant , thoughtless and humilated way , that just thinking about it now makes me so angry I want to strike back . But , I won 't . I will let those people go on , chalk it up to one more chapter in my life . After all , I have better things to do and more important , God has given me a job to do . And , I didn 't even have to submit a Resume nor go through an interview . A job that does not require experience . It requires stamina . Stamina I thought I didn 't have . A job that requires heartbreaking decisions . A job that will take me into the depths of hell . A job that will one day , leave me a Widow . A job that will some days , leave me exhausted . A job that will require me to be " on the clock " 24 / 7 . A job that requires me to watch my husband turn into a helpless man . A job that involves travel . Into the Land of Dementia . Travel arrangements courtesy of God . No fees , no taxes , no charge for excess baggage . And , I will accept the position . And for what ? What will I accomplish in this job ? What will I gain ? What is the end result ? I won 't question the why 's . I was given this job for a reason . I will do it to the best of my ability . I know what the end result will be . I don 't question that , I know . Posted by Last night was rough . Husband was restless . I think the siezure phase of this disease has begun . Husband was jerking alot . I finally sat up and watched his body . The jerking would start at the feet and move towards the middle of his body . When I say jerking , I guess it was like a vibration , then the legs would jerk , tremble , then move up toward the stomach . And then he would choke . All the while , I was planning on what to do . Do I call 911 ? What if he stops breathing ? We have a DNR on file , so what good would calling 911 do ? He doesn 't want to be brought back . So far this week , things have been OK . Husband has seemed more confused , but has accepted it . To me , it just doesn 't feel like he is fighting it like he was . I don 't know , could be my imagination , time will tell , I guess . Our wonderful Dr at UNM personally called yesterday afternoon , just to see how we were doing . Dr Q left UNM in June to go to another medical associate . And , since we were denied for Medi - Caid , we could not follow him . He is such a neat Dr . He and I talked for about 30 minutes , talking about everything . I told him where husband was at now in this stage . He said he wasn 't surprised at how things were progressing , said it would go faster now , now that the brain is dying . Funny how I can have this type of conversation with a Dr , about my husband , listening to him give me horrible statistics , nod my head and agree with him without crying . How is that possible ? Husband wants to talk about God and Heaven now . Whatever I am doing , I will sit down with him and open up the bible and try to find a passage . One that will make him feel better . Of course , I have to break down what it means to me , but make it in elementary form for husband to understand . Thinking about getting a Children 's Bible . May be easier for him and me . He doesn 't read anymore , can 't , but at least I will be able to communicate through a more easier read . Anyone know of a good Children 's Bible ? Summer is winding down . I 'm happy . This heat has gotten to me . Fall is my favorite time of year , but with this Diagnosis last year , Fall seems kind of sad now . Just looking forward to crisp mornings , and the smell of Green Chille roasting in the market places . We have one nearby , and the smell is intoxicating . We also go to Dixon 's Apple Farm every fall . You pay a certin price , pick all the apples you want . These apples are organic and one of the best tasting apples . Also , they have this stand that you can buy all sorts of apple products . The best one by far is the apple fritter . They make them fresh to order . They are fresh from the fryer . Oh man , are those good . Only , this fall , we will not be going . After all the fires this summer , Dixon 's Apple Farm burned down . All but a few trees survived . How sad for the owners , decendents of the original Mr Dixon , who started the farm from seeds . Kind of like my " new " life now , heh ? I now will make new traditions , traditions that won 't involve husband . Jack will be entering the Air Force in June , 2012 . No husband , no more kids at home . So , I have all year to find new traditions for me alone . What will I be like ? What will I do ? Time will tell , friends , time will tell . Posted by One of the members brought her son and daughter in law . The son said that he took his dad out to lunch last week , and as they sat down , his dad , who has some type of Dementia , said to his son , " So , tell me about your dad " . How heartbreaking is that ? The tears flowed at this meeting , but the love and compassion I felt there was overflowing . And the humor . How nice it was to wipe your tears , then laugh at the next person . You could really feel the love there . Husband and I witnessed his Mother suffer from this horrific disease . It is not pretty . They literally loose their minds . Husband knows he gets to go through the same thing , which , in my opinion , makes it all that much harder . Before I went to this meeting , I started reading the Bible to husband . He asked questions , at times there was that look in his eyes , hard to explain . Blank , but strange . At the meeting yesterday , this woman was showing a picture of her husband . Arlene leaned over to me and said , " See the eyes ? Recognize it ? " I looked at the picture and there it was . That same look . Unless you live it , you can 't understand " that look " . It 's the mark of this horrid , horrid disease . Husband fell again . It 's happening more and more now . This monster has taken over his body and destroys like no other . On to a new week . A new week of discoveries for me , a new week of destruction for husband . My heart was filled , husband 's heart was filled . It was a different kind of church . They had loud music playing , this band was incredible . The songs they sang brought tears to my eyes . I would glance at husband , and I could see a peaceful look on his face . The last song made me cry , it was so beautiful . Pastor came on after 20 minutes of song . The way he delivered his sermon , I kind of looked around and thought , " Wow , he 's talking directly to me " . This man was fantastic . I would glance at husband , no blank stare , no shifting in his seat , no looking like he wanted to get out of there . It was incredible . No ordinary church , but the people who came , came to hear the Word of God . I can 't say enough . My heart has been filled with the love of God . He has directed me there . I can 't wait to go back . As we were leaving , I was helping husband walk out , there were alot of people , and they parted ways to let husband through the crowd . No look of pity for him , no look of disgust at the way he shuffles , just the look of a fellow Christian , coming to church , to hear the Word of God . I have tears as I type this . God is speaking to husband now . God will be calling him Home , God is touching husband 's heart now . It will be time , soon enough . Where we cannot reach husband anymore , God did . And my heart is full . Funny how life experiences change you , or , in my thoughts , should change you . I sometimes look at people and wonder what their life is like . Are they happy ? When I worked , some of our clients were the most rudest people I had ever met . Before diagnosis , I resented these rude people . After diagnosis , I felt compassion for them . What has happened in their lives to make them so bitter ? It is really sad to think that they , like me , had a choice . They chose not to have hope and turned into mean , bitter people . When I think about it , it makes me sad for them . There is hope for all of us going through these trials . We just have to have faith , see light at the end of the tunnel . Husband has taken a nose dive . He had another fall . He talks in a mumbled , low tone . I can 't hear him anymore . He is depressed alot . He forgets now where the bedroom is . The other morning he was shuffling in circles in the living room . I asked him what was wrong , he says , " Where 's the bedroom ? " Ever feel like you 've been kicked in the gut ? Yeah , it 's that kind of feeling . Dr A called me . He remembered husband . Wants to see him the end of this month . At the end of our conversation he said , " Mrs L , you do know that there is nothing we can do for him except to make him more comfortable ? " Yes , I said . Got off the phone , husband asked who that was , I told him and his eyes lit up . He got excited that Dr A will now take over his care . " Oh good , when do I go ? That 's good news , isn 't it ? " " Yes " , I say , then looked at him with his excited expression on his face , " Yes , it sure is honey " . With that , he shuffles away and I cried . Starting this week , I will be learning coping skills , have support , someone to talk to , and , just knowing I am not alone . It has been a long time . I now have something to look forward to . I now know there will be a life after husband is gone . For me , for Jack . I am hoping that by joining this Support Group , I can meet more and more people going through what I am going through . And maybe , just maybe , there will be someone I can help . This journey is hard . But , God knows I can do it . This lady that heads up this group said to me , " You may feel like you are loosing your mind , but you are not , your husband is " . It just made sense to me . She has given me helpful pointers over the phone . I applied them this weekend , and , it was a very pleasant weekend . I also talked to her about how he seems fine for a few days to a week , but , then it all comes crashing down , and he 's worse than before . Finally , finally , I found someone who went through the same thing . I told her I called it the Honeymoon period . How as time went on , I found myself dreading these Honeymoon periods , cause I knew what would happen next . She felt the same way with her husband . It 's just nice to be able to talk your heart out and have someone at the other end of the line say , " Oh yes , I went through the same thing as you did , I also felt the same way you did " . Know how there 's a big storm ? Thunder & lightening ? Wind ? But , when the storm is over , the smell of fresh air , everything looks so clean ? I feel that way today . There will be more storms to come . This is just the beginning of the nightmare . But , I now have people who have been through it , or are going through it . I can now lean on someone besides myself . I can do this , I say to myself , I can do this . Please join me as I care for my husband who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness called Early Onset Familial Alzheimer 's Disease . A very rare form of Alzheimer 's , inherited on his Mothers ' side of the family . All other family members died by age 47 . My husband is 46 . Join me won 't you , as I travel this road that will leave me a Widow . Laugh with me , cry with me . |
Caution : This Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Consensual , Romantic , Desc : Fiction Sex Story : Chapter 1 - I want to thank mostera1 ; he always makes my stories better . This is the sequel to , ' The Call . ' I believe it is a standalone story but if you haven 't read the original it may help you better understand some parts of this story . In the original story it took me 3 chapters to break up the Cooper family ; it took me 7 to get them back together . Each chapter will be submitted daily . I want to thank you all in advance and remind you that comments are always more than welcome . My oldest , was standing in front of me . Her head was slightly cocked to one side and her lower lip was stuck out in pouting fashion . Her face had that worried , but at the same time , hopeful expression ; all this , of course , was designed to play on my sympathies ; to wrap me around her little finger . I could have probably resisted if it weren 't for the eyes ; did I mention the eyes ? It 's the eyes that you have to watch out for ; she has her mother 's eyes ; those beautiful , sparkling , aqua - marine eyes that look right through you ; those eyes that penetrate your soul and delves deep inside until they find that tiny spot of vulnerability ; that spot that melts into your blood stream and gets pumped straight to your heart . " Okay , okay , " I said returning her hug . " As I was saying , it comes with strings attached ; first , you will call me as soon as you get checked into a motel . I want to know where you 're staying and your room number . . . " " Oh , daddy , thank you so much . I promise I 'll call you every night . " I could see the wheels turning as she looked pensively around the living room for a second , " I 've got to call Linda and Char to let them know I can go . . . oh , and I need a couple new bikinis and suntan lotion ; oh , oh and I 'll need some flip flops for the beach ; Oh , I 've got so much to do , thanks again dad , " she yelled back to me on her way out the door . You ever get that uneasy feeling in your gut that says , ' you idiot , what 'd you do that for ? ' Well , that 's just the way I felt . I had just given my nineteen year old , college sophomore , daughter permission to spend spring break in Fort Lauderdale with her two friends ; what the hell was I thinking ? That 's my dad ; I wanted you to meet him because he 's really a great guy . Sometimes , like then , he lets me think I have him wrapped around my little finger but I know it 's not true ; Oh , I know what he said , about me finding that spot of vulnerability and maybe there 's some truth to it , but I know it 's just his way of trying to keep me as his little girl . Truth is , if he didn 't trust me to be responsible , no matter how much I begged the answer would have been no . Yeah , my dad is no easy touch , he sometimes gives that impression but he has a moral code of ethics and sticks with it ; my mom found that out . He divorced her several years ago when he found out she had been cheating on him . That was the worst time of our lives . . . all of us . I guess I never saw a man with a broken heart before then . I was sixteen at the time and all I wanted to do was fix it for him , but I knew I couldn 't ; it was such a helpless feeling . My younger sister , Donna , really went off the deep end ; not a day has gone by since then that she hasn 't hated mom with a passion . Although dad never showed any partiality for any of us , I think Donna always considered herself daddy 's little girl . When she found out mom had cheated on him and he wasn 't going to be living with us anymore she formed an instant hate that she had never let go of and never missed the opportunity to call mom every derogatory name under the sun . And then there 's mom , herself , not that she doesn 't deserve it , but she has suffered worst of all . She is a broken woman , completely and entirely , and has been ever since the day dad sat us all down to listen to a tape recording of her talking to her lover . That day changed our lives , every one of us ; and the irony of the whole situation was , they both still loved each other ; they both admitted it but I doubt there 's a chance in hell of ever getting them back together . It 's so sad ; I wish I could do something . Well , enough of the past , I have a trip to Fort Lauderdale in my immediate future and I have shopping to do . I 'm going to run by the house and pick up my sister first . Once you get her away from mom she 's really a lot of fun to be with , plus she has great taste in clothes . " He said I can go . " Donna ran down the rest of the stairs squealing like a little kid as she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me . I didn 't like her being so hard on mom , but other than that , we were about as close as two sisters could be . There was nothing phony about her exuberance , she was truly happy for me . " I 'm going shopping for a few things , can you come ? " I didn 't want to fight with my sister so I let it drop and high - tailed it to the mall . Now , one thing you have to understand about my sister and me , when we go to the mall , we never leave before they close . It was after ten o ' clock by the time we got back . Steve and Gwen , the youngest of the family , were watching TV when we walked in . Donna ran upstairs to her room to hang up the new blouse I bought her . " Yeah , I did , dad , thanks again for letting me go , this really means a lot to me . " I was hoping he didn 't want to see what I bought . If he saw how small the bikinis were he might change his mind . Luckily he was preoccupied with what he was doing and I got them to my room without him seeing them . He was just finishing his report when I came back out to the living room . I sat down next to him on the couch . He looked me in the face , " No , how I would know about her car , I haven 't talked to you mother in months . " We just looked at each other for a few seconds . " I suppose you think I should have it fixed for her ? " I threw my arms around his neck . " I never thought of that dad , " I said deviously , " but I knew you would know what to do . " Dad just grinned and shook his head . His heart may have been shattered to pieces , but it never hardened ; he never stopped loving her . Sunday morning mom was already gone for work by the time I called . I talked to Steve who found a spare set of keys and stuck them in her car for me . I told dad and he said he 'd call Hal 's first thing Monday morning and tell them to tow it into the shop and fix it . After that he and I went out for breakfast . There was always a tear in dad 's eye whenever I left . I reminded him to call Hal 's about mom 's car as I kissed him goodbye . Eileen was just coming in as I was leaving . She 's dad 's girlfriend . I guess that 's what you 'd call her ; fuck buddy would be the term I 'd use but that would never fly with dad . She was really a pretty nice lady . I think she 's in love with him but I don 't think it 's mutual ; he likes her , maybe even a lot , but I 'm pretty sure he 's not in love with her . " Yeah , sorry , Eileen , it 's a long drive and I have classes tomorrow morning so I have to get going . " I turned to dad and hugged him once more , " Bye , dad ; thanks again . I 'll call you when I get back to the dorm and I promise I 'll call you every night from Fort Lauderdale . " It was about an hour and half hour drive back to the dorm . I started thinking back to before dad discovered mom was cheating ; God , we had such a loving family ; it was like something you 'd see on TV . My bedroom was right next to mom and dad 's and I 'd sometimes hear them making love after they thought I was asleep . I was still a virgin then but I knew what they were doing , and I knew it was because they loved each other ; at least that 's what I thought at the time . I was sitting in the bleachers with my girlfriend at one of our high school basketball games . I had been making googley eyes at Tommy Schneider all year , so when he sat down beside me and put his arm around me I leaned against him and made sure he knew I was available . I even slid my hand on the inside of his thigh when no one was looking . After the game he asked if he could take me home ; by the time we reached his car sex was forgone conclusion . He drove around to the far side of the football field where it was completely dark and parked . The front seat of his car had bucket seats so we got in the back ; I lay down and helped Tommy push up my skirt then lifted my hips and pulled my panties down . It was embarrassing as hell but I didn 't care . At first Tommy just stood there staring at my pussy . " Come on , Tommy , " I said a little agitated . It seemed to wake him up and he quickly unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants ; then he pulled down his underpants . His cock popped out like a jack - in - the - box and bounced up and down a couple of times . Outside of my brother 's little pee - pee , it was the first real cock I 'd ever seen in person . Tommy started to climb on top of me and was just going to shove it in . I didn 't know a lot but I knew I was supposed to be wet first and I wasn 't ; not at all . " Wait , " I said urgently . I stuck my middle finger in my mouth and soaked it with as much saliva as I could , then rubbed it into my pussy . I did that a couple times ; as it turned out it wasn 't enough ; it hurt something terrible when Tommy pushed into me . When I yelled out in pain he told me to shut up , saying someone would hear us . He was so clumsy , he had no rhythm , no finesse , he just kept jerking it in and out . I remember laying there thinking to myself , I wasn 't making any of the noises I heard my mom make when dad made love to her ; that 's when I panicked . I suddenly realized I had no protection against getting pregnant . I yelled for Tommy to pull out but he wouldn 't . That 's when I saw him stiffen up and I knew he was coming . I cried all the way home ; I was terrified I was pregnant and worried that my dad would think he had two tramps in the family . I must have had it written all over me when I walked in the back door . Mom had beaten me home from work by only a minute or two ; she was still in the kitchen when I walked in . I was still pretty mad at her back then and didn 't treat her much better than Donna . " I wanted to see what it felt like to be a slut like you , " I yelled back before running upstairs and into my room . I flopped down on my bed and cried myself to sleep . I was so lucky I didn 't get pregnant . Mom never brought it up again . I 'm sure she never told dad ; he still thinks I 'm a virgin , at least I think he does . By the time I got back to my dorm Charlene and Linda were already celebrating with a bottle of wine . Char was my roommate , Linda lived down the hall ; they were my two best friends . When I called dad to let him know I was back and in one piece I heard Eileen 's voice in the background and guessed she was spending the night . " Yes , I remembered ; they towed it to Hal 's Monday afternoon . It needed a mass air flow sensor . Of course , once they got looking at it , it also needed a bunch of other things . They said the belts were all dried out and cracked , the oil hadn 't been changed in a long time , the plugs were overdue to be changed , and the air filter was clogged , so I had them do it all . That car should run like a top for a while . " " No , I 'm not really expecting a thank you ; I did this for you more than her , " he told me . I knew that was a lie . To this day my dad still hurts from mom 's betrayal , but he 'd also take a bullet for her if he had to , he just can 't help himself . " Yeah , well she can pay me back when she sells the house , if she ever sells it . I just don 't understand her ; even with the child support I 'm paying , between the mortgage , taxes , and upkeep on that place , it 's costing her a fortune . She wouldn 't have to work so damn hard all the time if she sold it . " " Dad , you know mom will never sell that house . It 's been our home since I was born . It holds too many great memories for her and memories are all she has left . " " I guess , but she 's going to work herself into an early grave trying to hold on to those memories . I 'm sorry , honey , I shouldn 't have said that . I guess I still worry about her a little now and them . " " Friday after next , " I responded . " I 'll call you before we leave , dad , don 't worry , and thanks again for letting me go . " We said our goodbyes then I dialed mom ; I was hoping she was home . " Yeah , of course , mom ; he said I could go . " At first I thought I was going to get a ration of grief from her but I guess she was just a little concerned . She knows I 'm not as pure as the driven snow . Well dad had a bunch of other work done too ; he said it should run like a top now . If I wer . . . " I stopped talking because I could hear her crying over the phone . " Mom . . . mom . . . " " I picked Donna up at the house to go shopping last Saturday . When I saw the car I asked Steve about it and he said it was broke . I must have mentioned it to dad . " I could hear her still crying over the phone . She didn 't say anything for a little while , just cried . " Okay , mom ; it 's already after ten - thirty , he 'll be getting ready for bed pretty soon ; I 'm going to say goodbye so you can call him . " We hung up a minute later . Sometimes it 's hard to understand how I feel about mom . Like now , I feel sorry for her ; the problem is I still have a lot of anger too . It doesn 't really show until I actually see her . That 's why I try to avoid it , like not going to where she works when I was home for the weekend . I wish I could completely forgive her but then I remember my dad crying ; I saw him one time , he didn 't know I was there . . . my dad , the bravest man I know , crying like a baby from a broken heart . That 's when I just get so damn mad I could just . . . The next week and half flew by like a hawk on steroids . Char , Linda , and I had packed a day in advance . A whole fun - filled week in the sun , surf , and sand , we were so excited I almost forgot to call dad like I 'd promised . " Hi dad , " I exclaimed when he picked up the phone . " We 're all ready ; our flight leaves at two - thirty five and gets into Lauderdale at six - forty . By the time we get to the hotel and get checked in though dad , it might be eight or nine o ' clock before I call you . " " Yeah but it was hard to understand her , she was crying . I guess that was her way of saying she was grateful ; she always did cry at the drop of hat . You better get going , honey , you have a long drive to O ' Hare . Have a good time . " For the entire drive , all we talked about were boys ; none of us were virgins and we had heard all the stories ; spring break was a non - stop party of sex and liquor . We all agreed no drugs . Since we were all staying in one room we decided , as a warning , we would put the do - not - disturb sign on the door if we had a guy in the room . It took us the entire day to get acclimated to the idiocy of everything . People were screaming and running up and down the parking lot of the motel almost non - stopped so we weren 't getting hardly any sleep . We finally figured out what times were best to get something to eat , and as far as finding boys . . . well , let 's just say there was a lot of competition . After a couple days the three of us started hanging around the beach together , just trying to stay out of everyone 's way . We were walking along trying to find a spot where we could relax when two guys came up and started taunting us . They were obviously drunk . I , being the most vocal of us three , started telling off one of them . I was boldly getting right in his face when I saw him look over my shoulder and give a little nod ; that 's when I felt the tug on the back of my bikini . His ass - hole buddy had untied the back strap . I put my left hand against the material trying to hold it in place while I turned around and was going to slap him with my right hand when the other guy grabbed a hold of my top and started pulling it over my head . I forgot about trying to slap the guy and reached with both hands struggling to save me from embarrassment , but it was too late ; the other guy held on to my arm while his friend pulled it free and now had the top of my bikini in his hand . " Hey , " I heard my tormentor yell ; Linda and Char were trying to provide me with some cover while I put my top back on with as much dignity as I had left . I saw a scuffle starting , out of the corner of my eye , but between my tears and everyone standing around watching , I couldn 't tell exactly what was going on . It looked like someone was taking on both of the bullies . Just as I finally got my top back in place I saw number one ass - hole go flying face first into the sand . His buddy looked scared as he went over and helped him up before they both took off . It was Bobby Kilpatrick , the prick who called and harassed my dad years ago . If it hadn 't been for him , dad would have probably never known about mom 's cheating and we 'd still be a family . I hated Bobby Kilpatrick ! " What are you doing here ? " I asked in a snotty tone . I still couldn 't believe my eyes . Three years ago , after dad made him apologized to me in school that day , I avoided him like the plague . He graduated later that year and I hadn 't seen him since . I looked at him doubting every word his said ; he was awful cute though . " Brea , look , I can tell by your expression you don 't believe me but it 's true . I 'd like a chance to prove it to you ; will you let me take you out to dinner tonight ? I have a car ; we could go someplace away from all this madness and have a nice quiet dinner ; maybe up to Pompano , I know of couple of nice places up there . " I was hesitating , I still held a grudge . Char poked me in the ribs . " Come on , Brea , " she whispered , " he did just save you , you owe him . " " Will you guys be okay without me ? " I asked my two colleagues . They both assured me they 'd be fine and encouraged me to go . I finally said okay and made arrangements for him to pick me up at the motel . I had to admit , I was having the best time I 'd had since spring break started . We were sitting at a candle lit table for two in a very expensive restaurant . I wished I had known it was going to be that fancy , I would have dressed up more , but it was Florida after all , and as I looked around everyone was dressed pretty casually . I was glad Bobby started the conversation because I really didn 't have anything nice to say . " Ah , well , " he was speaking a little more cautiously now , not knowing why my attitude had changed , " when your dad came over to our house . . . I don 't know , I just thought he would start yelling at me , making threats , stuff like that , but he didn 't ; he was so cool . . . don 't get me wrong , I love my dad and think he 's a great guy , but your dad had this poise , a quiet strength like . . . I don 't know , like John Wayne or something . " " My dad and mom both let me have it pretty good after he left but they didn 't have the effect on me that your dad did in just the few minutes he was there . My folks sent me to my room after that and I sat in bed thinking about him . I thought that 's the kind of guy I 'd like to be . " " I know , you probably think I 'm BS ' ing you but I swear it 's true . In the short time I had left I even started bringing my grades up . I think your dad is a hell - of - a - guy ; I respect the hell out of him and have a lot to thank him for if I ever meet him again . " As we talked more , I found my anger fading ; he really did seem to have changed . He was polite , didn 't use crude language or talk disrespectfully about anyone , nor did he seem cocky like he used to . He was going to Illinois University , about a two hour drive from Northern , where I went to school . I couldn 't believe it ; I was having a great time . . . with Bobby Kilpatrick ! It was almost eleven o ' clock by the time we got back to the motel ; I was disappointed when he didn 't try to kiss me ; I sure would have let him . Instead he stuck out his hand and said it was to see me again . I would have sent him some signals to show him I was interested in more than a hand shake but I still had to call me dad so we called it a night . Dad asked me why I was calling so late so I told him I was out to dinner with a real nice boy ; I didn 't tell him who , nor did I tell him what happened when we met . When I hung up the questions came in rapid fire from Linda and Char . I told them all about the nice restaurant and how Bobby had changed ; they were both jealous as hell . I must admit , that night I went to bed dreaming about him . At seven o ' clock the next morning we were all wakened by somebody knocking on our door . We all looked at each other ; who the hell could that be at this time of day ? We all scrambled for something to put on before Char pulled the drapes back and looked out the window . " Hi , ah Charlene isn 't it ? " Bobby said . " These are a couple buddies of mine and I thought we could go someplace for breakfast . It takes forever around here so I thought we could all go in the car ; I know a Denny 's not too far from here that wouldn 't be too crowded . " When we got outside Bobby introduced us to his friends , Carl and Don . There wasn 't a lot of room in the rental car but the seating arrangements turned out to be just fine with my two horny friends . While Bobby and I sat in the front , Linda and Char sat in the back on the guy 's laps . Once we were in Denny 's they couldn 't wait to get me into the lady 's room so they could tell me how they each sat on a nice hard cock all the way there . Our vacation was beginning to shape up . Later in the day Linda and I found we would have to occupy ourselves while the , do - not - disturb sign hung on our motel room doorknob . That night Linda went with Carl to his room while Bobby and Don come over to be with Char and me , but it didn 't take long before Char was hinting they wanted the room to themselves so Bobby and I went out to a movie ; it was beginning to look like I was the only one who was going to need fresh batteries while we were there . There were only a couple nights left and I was determined to get laid . I was tossing out signal after signal , doing everything a woman can do without exposing herself as a slut , but nothing was working . I hated to do it but he left me no choice ; I had to ask the question that guarantees success . . . unless the answer is yes , of course . . . " Um , well remember the first night we went out ; when we were talking in the restaurant I got the distinct impression I was skating on thin ice ; like you were just waiting for me to screw up so you could let me have it . I would really like to get to know you better and I wanted to prove to you that I had changed . I didn 't want to do something that would cause you to say , ' yup , same old Bobby . ' " Suddenly it was like someone plucked one of my heart strings . I felt an instant warmth I 'd never felt for any other guy . I reached up placing my hand on the back of his head then gently guided his lips to mine . I wanted to devour him so I started with his tongue . I pressed my hips into his groin and felt his masculinity growing as we kissed . As we broke the kiss and I looked into his eyes we heard someone tell us to get a room . " Sounds like a great idea to me , " I said . We drove north , up the coast until we saw a motel with a vacancy sign . " Are you sure you want to do this ? " he asked . I told him I had no doubts ; ten minutes later it was just Bobby , me , the privacy of a room to ourselves , and one queen sized bed . " Before we start anything , I have to make a quick call , " I mentioned . I hit speed dial . " Hi , dad , " I said when I heard him pick up the phone . " Hey , is that your . . . " I held up my hand and shook my head at Bobby to shut him up before my dad heard him . I knew he wanted to say hello but I still hadn 't told my father who it was that I met down there , only that I had met a boy . After a short conversation I told my dad I was tired and was going to go to bed early . . . well , it wasn 't really a lie . . . we said our goodbyes and I hung up . My heart started pounding as his fingers began undoing the buttons of my blouse . I closed my eyes and felt his tenderness as he slowly removed my top . He reached around and nimbly unhooked my bra . I held out my arms so he could slide it off exposing the same breasts I had been so protective of a few days before . I took in a breath as he unsnapped my denims ; I could feel the protection of my womanly charms falling away as I heard him opening the zipper . He knelt in front of me as he carefully worked the tight fitting jeans down my legs , helping me lift each ankle as he freed me of my modesty . Never had I been taken to such heights of passion . He explored every hill and valley , finding and testing every erogenous part of my body . Wave after wave of carnal rapture washed through my soul . Never in my life had I felt anything as wonderful as when he slipped his hard cock into my wanton womb . I could feel the eagerness with which the symbol of his love was accepted . The walls of my pussy clamped tightly around the welcoming invader , encouraging him , pulling him deeper inside me . I felt our bodies performing in harmony as we both cried out with euphoric bliss . I never had cum so many times or so hard ; my body shuttered with almost endless pleasures . Bobby collapsed beside me , his chest heaving as heavily as mine . It seemed to take forever to regain our normal breathing . For a while I just lay there , silently noticing the gentle rays of sun as they highlighted the chisel cut features of his face . My mind wandered to the night before and I realized , for the first time in my life , I had made the same sounds my mother did when dad made love to her ; the sounds that made me feel so save and secure . Did that mean this was the real thing ? Could I really be in love Bobby Kilpatrick ? It sure felt like it . My eyes followed down his well - defined , muscular body until I reached his manhood . Look at that , I said to myself , he must be dreaming ; his cock is as hard as a rock . Well I can 't let the poor boy get up with a stiffy , I told myself . I heard him moan as took him in my mouth . I had never taken a man all the way like that before , I never wanted to until now . I used every technique I knew until I felt his warm , masculine cream flooding my mouth , pleasing my palate and causing my man to spasm with satisfaction . As it turned out , since the four of them only needed one room anymore , Bobby and I were the beneficiaries of one whole room to ourselves . For the next three days and nights Bobby and I were inseparable . All we did was eat and make love ; they were two of the most wonderful days of my life . I knew if I wanted a future with Bobby , this moment was inevitable . He really had changed and his history seemed to bother him ; he was definitely sorry for his past . Knowing how his calls affected my family was going to hurt him terribly and that 's exactly what I was trying to avoid . I thought of a couple little white lies I could tell him but my father 's words kept ringing in my ears , " There will be no more lies in this family . " I knew if I was going to have a relationship with him , it wouldn 't be built on lies . I sat next to him on the bed . " Well when you made those calls in the middle of the night to harass dad like that , he literally tapped our phones . He wanted to get you on tape to see if we could identify your voice . Unfortunately none of us knew he did it , including mom . When dad made that recording he played for you he also accidentally recorded my mom talking to her secret lover ; when he heard them on the tape he filed for divorce . " I could see the anguish in his face as he realized what I had just told him ; his eyes teared up almost immediately . " I . . . I caused your parents to get a divorce ? " the words almost stuck in his throat . " But . . . your dad would never had known . . . right ? It was my call ; oh my God , Brea , how can I say I 'm sorry ? I 'm so very sorry ; God your dad must hate me so much , he would never accept me , no wonder you don 't want me to talk to him , you can 't even tell him you 're seeing me . Oh God , Brea , I . . . I don 't have the words , I don 't know what to say . . . " " No , you don 't understand ; it 's more than the guilt . Brea , I 'm falling in love with you . For the last week you 're all I 've thought about . I 've been hoping , praying I 'd be able to make you fall in love with me too ; I want to be with you forever . . . but now that 's just a dream ; your family would never accept me as one of you , " he said with tears now staining his cheeks . His words went right through me . I didn 't know whether to laugh or cry . He just told me he felt the same about me as I did about him , but he had a point about my family . That night , as we made love , Bobby and I were the only two people in the world ; there was no past , no future ; just the inexorable bonding of two souls . Luckily we all had the same flight back home ; with a little begging and pleading with the other passengers , we were all able to sit together . Saying goodbye at O ' Hare was one of the hardest things I 'd ever had to do . We both had tears in our eyes before our final kiss . |
Dave McGowan looked across the table at his girlfriend of three weeks and had a feeling about what was coming from her expression . It was Friday night and he had made reservations for a nice restaurant , but about an hour before he picked her up , she called to say she didn 't feel like dressing up and would meet him at Denny 's . Now here they were looking at a menu and she was definitely uncomfortable even though she was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans . She still looked hot . She was a tall , strawberry blond , thin without being too thin , long legs that he loved . Her breasts weren 't large but they were firm and perfectly shaped . In fact Peggy Killian was definitely the sexiest woman he 'd dated . Until this change tonight he thought things were going well between them . He 'd been through this before so he knew the signs . Peggy started to speak a couple of times , and then finally said " I 'm sorry Dave . There 's no easy way to do this . I 'm breaking up with you . " " Dave , look you 're a good guy , but we 're not right together . I 'm looking for some passion and you 're more of a regular guy . You 're vanilla . Vanilla is fine but I want the emotional cherry and hot sauce too . I 'm sorry but after this past month it doesn 't seem like you have them . You have a steady job , you 're decent looking , you 're good in bed , but you just don 't get excited about anything including me . Except for your scars , you 're the poster - boy for average American male . For some women , I 'm sure you 're the perfect guy . I 'm sorry I 'm just not one of them . Look , I really do like you and hope we can still be friends . " He couldn 't believe she 'd tear into him this way and then expect to be friends . At least the other women tried to share responsibility for the relationship not working . Dave looked at her and suddenly snapped , " NO ! We can 't be friends I 'm fed up with this shit . I 'm friends with all my past girlfriends and you know what I get out of it - - I 'm the one they call when their toilet is backed up , a bug needs killing , or they need a shoulder to cry on . Maybe if you weren 't so willing to give up after three weeks , you would have had time to learn more about me . Just because I control my emotions doesn 't mean I don 't have them . " Then for the first time when a woman broke up with him , he stood up and left . Dave pulled into the municipal parking lot behind the EWA building an hour after he walked out of the restaurant . It wasn 't his normal Tuesday evening , so he wondered who would be around on a Friday night . He locked his car and looked around carefully . The neighborhood wasn 't very good to start with and had gotten progressively worse in the last few years . He carried what looked like a metal case containing a photographer 's kit as he entered the lower level directly from a set of outside stairs . No reason to go through the shop tonight since he only planned on some practice and maybe some sparring if Jesus was around . He buzzed and Jan let him in as soon as she saw his face in the security camera . As he entered he immediately heard the thunk , thunk , thunk of someone else practicing . Next he heard Jesus yell , " Dave , my man ! It 's not Tuesday ! What are you doing here ? " He laughed . " Give it your best shot , but I got laid off yesterday so I think it 'll be me getting rid of some frustration . " Dave looked around and smiled . God he loved this place . He remembered how it all started . He had never been afraid of knives , even if he was careless and cut himself , he never blamed the knife . When he was twelve his uncle gave him a Barlow buck knife for his belt . At first he practiced opening it one handed . Later he started to practice throwing it at a tree in the little stand of maples in the park where older kids drank at night . It was a terrible knife for throwing , but he practiced everyday to overcome it 's balance problems and eventually was able to reliably bury it into a tree at 10 paces . Knives became his hobby and he used whatever money he was able to accumulate to grow his collection . While his parents worried a bit a first , they eventually realized it was about the collecting and not about getting into trouble . From other collectors that he bought and traded with , he heard about the EWA store in the city . He knew collectors came from other cities just to buy there , but he wasn 't able to go since they wouldn 't even let you in the door if you weren 't eighteen . The day after his eighteenth birthday , Dave took the train into the city . He followed the directions he had gotten over the phone to make a connection with a subway train to the Frankford section of the city . He got off at the Girard stop and made his way a few blocks east to a rather nondescript building that simply had the letters EWA over the door . He buzzed for admittance and over an intercom he heard a woman say , " Please hold your ID up to the camera over the door . " He did as he was told and heard the door click open . He walked up a short flight of steps into the showroom and was transported . Display cabinets were full of every kind of knife , and throwing star imaginable . The walls were covered with swords , battle axes , bows and other edged weapons he 'd never even heard of . He had no idea how long he just stopped and stared . Eventually , a middle - aged , tall , gray haired man came over and said , " I take it this is your first time here . Welcome to the Edged Weapons of America , my name 's Grey Dupont , and the shop is my baby so I love to see someone new come in and appreciate it . Can I help you find something ? " Dave answered , " I came to look for some throwing knives , but do you mind if I just explore for a bit . " " Not at all . In fact it 's pretty quiet right now , I 'll take you on the grand tour . Dave didn 't want a tour , but he didn 't want to offend the owner either so he quickly agreed . He was glad he did as Dupont talked about the various weapons on display including their history and merits of each , teaching Dave more than he had learned on his own in years of self - study . In turn , Dave impressed the owner with his seriousness and his knowledgeable questions . The club , turned out to be vast . Grey said , " I own the whole building , which takes up most of this block , so I turned the whole underground area into storage and the club . " One section was lockers , there was an enclosed room marked showers , and one corner sported a counter with a locked cabinet underneath , but the vast majority of the area was open with sections divided simply by painted lines on the floor . The thick cork and wood walls were lined with paper targets of both the bullseye and the silhouette type . Finally one corner was a 100 square foot sandbox with a sign that simply said fighting pit . There was only one older gentleman practicing throwing an ax . He looked up and say , " Hi Grey , " and continued practicing . Gray replied , " Good to see you back Gene . " " Gene 's one of our founding members but he 's been in the hospital for awhile . Most of the activity here is at night and on the weekends due to work schedules . Speaking of which , shouldn 't you be in school ? " " Actually , I was home - schooled by a tutor and finished all my requirements for a diploma about a year ago . My folks didn 't want me going away to college before I was eighteen . Right now I 'm just taking some courses at the community college . " Grey started him off with a set of Gil Hibben knives at a line marked 10ft from a bullseye target . Dave put all three knives dead center within a minute . He was pretty proud of himself and thrilled with the knives until he saw Grey shaking his head . " What 's wrong ? " Three hours later , he walked to the subway . His wrist , elbow and shoulder all ached . He was $ 200 poorer , holding a bag with three custom made throwing knives crafted by Grey Dupont himself , and carrying an EWA membership card in his wallet . Dave and Jesus walked to the locker room . Both put on lightly padded shirts and pants as well a cup . They weren 't planning on knife fencing with wooden knives . Instead , they would use their preferred sheath knives and rely on the padding and their skill to avoid seriously wounding their opponent . This particular activity required a lot of trust and neither Dave nor Jesus would use real weapons in the fighting pit with many other people . The fight that followed lasted three minutes and ended when Jesus felt Dave 's knife at his throat The fight itself was a mixture of styles from the Phillipines , Brazil , China , as well good old North American street and prison techniques . The only rules were no throwing and no deliberate wounds . Even , with this both had arms that were bleeding , " Dave , come back to the storeroom , I 'll get you cleaned up . " Jesus asked , " Hey , what about me ? " " In your dreams Jesus . Besides , Angie would kill me if I touched you . " Jesus laughed , " Well , that 's true . " The storeroom was behind the small counter , and contained boxes of merchandise for the store . It also had a massage table set up next to a very well equipped First Aid station . Jan pushed Dave toward the table and started collecting bandages , antibiotic ointment and antiseptic rinse . She stood close as she started to clean his cuts . Close enough that he could smell her . Not for the first time , he was trying to think of things to depress his incipient erection which always arose around Jan . Luckily she hit on just the subject to do it when she asked , " So what were you all hot and bothered about when you came in ? You looked like you were boiling . I can 't belief Jesus was willing to even get in the pit with you . " " Uhm , she doesn 't know about this . When I told my first serious girlfriend , Joanne , about it a few years ago , she pretty much freaked . Thought it was barbaric . We didn 't last long after that . Since then , I 've been pretty reticent about sharing this part of my life . " " Dave she 's a fool , but you should try being honest from the start with a woman . Don 't try to compartmentalize so much . You 're like an iceberg where most of you is hidden from the people you know . " The two had a long history together . In the beginning Jan 's pursuit of him had been serious , but as a high school student while Dave was a senior in college the age difference was too great for Dave to consider dating her . In the years since he wondered if he had made mistake as she had matured into an incredibly sexy woman . Her dark eyes , thick auburn hair , and beautiful olive skin along with a fabulous body had kept him awake more than once . Of course now that he realized she was a lesbian , he knew they wouldn 't have worked out . Taken by surprise , he responded , " Jan , I 've known for quite awhile your interests lie with girls . I happened to see you and Alice saying goodnight . Besides , even before I knew , I was afraid of what would happen when you dumped me . I 'd lose a girlfriend , my best friend , and a refuge . Jan was silent while she finished caring for the cuts on his arms . She left most of them unbandaged knowing they would heal more quickly and none were still bleeding seriously . Before she walked away , she said " For a smart guy you can be pretty stupid . I never thought you would be the type of person ruled by your fears . " Dave spent the next hour throwing with all his various edged weapons and talking to Jesus . Trying to act like nothing had gone on between them , Dave packed up his kit and asked Jan , " Will you lock this up for me and then ask Mac to sharpen them the next time he 's in . " " Sure . " She replied without either the warmth or the anger she had earlier displayed . She walked over to the counter and unlocked the cabinet there to put away his knives . " Don 't tease me about this man . I 'm really screwed losing my driving job right now . It couldn 't be a worse time . " Dave dug into his wallet and handed Jesus a business card . Very few people who knew Dave socially realized that he had his own manufacturing business . Now Jesus was among the few . Jesus suddenly looked embarrassed . He had never suspected his younger friend was rich . He was hesitant to trade on that friendship , but he was also desperate . " Dave , I really appreciate this . I don 't want to sound ungrateful , but how much ? I 'm going to have to be able to take care of Angie and the little one . Dave replied , " 35K . Twenty percent increase when you successfully complete training . We 'll call the first year an apprenticeship . After that we 'll bring it up to a professional CAD specialist salary . I 'm not sure what that is , but probably around 65K . Full healthcare for you . You pay 20 percent of the coverage for your family . There 's some other benefits you can hear about it when you come in next Monday . Come to the address on the card and ask for Julie Waltham . She 's head of the staff . " Worrying about what Jan had said to him as he walked to his car , he remembered a muffled yell he had heard standing in almost the same spot years ago . He 'd never forget that night . The nightmares were much less frequent , but a couple times of year he woke up with his heart pounding from vivid dreams where he was bathed in blood . He didn 't like to think too much about the dreams . While he was driving home Dave realized how hungry he was . He hadn 't finished his dinner at Denny 's and he 'd been going at it pretty hard at the club for almost 2 hours . He thought about where he could get a sandwich this late . He decided on Mitch 's Deli which was only a few blocks from his house . Mitch stayed open late mainly for the business from selling six packs . He did however , keep serving sandwiches for the takeout and counter crowd on weekends . The Deli was somewhat dimly lit since Mitch didn 't want to waste electricity when most of the business was take out . There were about 4 Formica tables and a diner style counter . As he sat at counter near the register , Dave saw a girl on the last stool trying not to be noticed . Since she was the only other customer , it was hard to miss her . She was probably eighteen or nineteen and looked like the whole world had caved in on her . Her face was swollen and red , obviously from crying . She had only a soda in front of her . From the lack of ice , he assumed she 'd been nursing it quite a while . The heavy set older woman behind the counter asked , " Hey Dave , I never see you anymore . What 'll you have ? " " Hi Meg . I missed you too . I 'm starved tonight . I 'll have a turkey club and a cheeseburger with fries . Get me an ice tea and a coke as well . " She looked at him funny but gave the order to her husband , Mitch , in the kitchen . She brought out both orders and as usual , Mitch hadn 't skimped on the food . " Oh God , there 's no way I can eat all this . My eyes were bigger than my stomach . " He looked down the counter and asked the girl at the end " Can you help me out and eat one of these . I don 't want it to go to waste . I 'll even buy you a slice of Meg 's famous apple pie if you take one off my hands . " The girl looked like she wondered if he was crazy . Still , she hadn 't eaten anything since a donut at breakfast so she was hungry . " That 's the trouble I wanted them both but can 't eat both . Would you rather have the burger or the sandwich ? I 'll let you take the coke since I prefer iced tea anyway . " He slid the burger and coke down the counter and watched it disappear as he performed similar legerdemain with his own food . Dave wondered about her . He knew she was hungry from the way she had been staring at the menu above the counter , but she looked too clean and too young to be homeless . He also didn 't like the idea much of her wandering around at this time of night . The neighborhood was decent , but it was still the city . " Dave we 're going to be closing up when you and the young lady have finished , which it looks like you both have , " Meg said pointedly . " Sure Meg . " To the girl he said , " Can I offer you a lift home ? " Her eyes started to fill , and she said quickly , " No thanks . " Then she slipped quickly out of the restaurant . At least she was smart enough not to accept a ride from a stranger Dave thought . He should have offered her taxi fare he realized in hindsight . Dave paid his check , left Meg a nice tip and followed her out . " AGGH ! HEL " , Dave heard as he opened his car door . He tried to localize the sound , feeling an odd sense of deja vu . He flipped open his cell and dialed 9 - 1 - 1 . He interrupted the dispatcher 's spiel and said , " Someone is being attacked in the playground on 36th and Powelton . I 'll leave my phone on . He started to run towards the playground as he stuffed the phone in his windbreaker . Time seemed to slow down . The night was crisp for early May in Philadelphia . The darkness in the playground dissipated a bit as his eyes adjusted to the lower light level mostly coming from the one unbroken light near the basketball court . The sounds were coming from near the playground equipment for the smaller children . Though close to his house , he 'd never been in this park before . After calling the police , he didn 't think , he just moved hoping he wasn 't too late . As he passed the swings he heard sounds of a struggle coming from behind one of those complicated jungle gyms with a bridge and little play spaces underneath . He could see a cheap knock - off bowie knife at the throat of the girl from the deli . Her shirt was torn exposing her bra . The kid holding the weapon was probably not even eighteen . He had all dark clothes on and with his dark face he was difficult to see in the darkness . Dave liked that he was talking . " Dopey , I doubt you could hold onto that knife 5 seconds with me one on one . I think you 're all show . That 's why you go after girls . Probably , can 't even get it up with a real woman . " With that , the rapist threw the girl beneath the jungle gym bridge and came at him in a rush . Dave let him come , dropping to the ground at the last second and sticking his foot into the path of attacker , who fell awkwardly . Dave was on him instantly , kneeling on his wrist and grabbing the knife . Just as his fingers tightened on the hilt , he heard . " You 're dead now motherfucker ! " The enormously loud click of a revolver cocking followed . Oh shit , there are two of them he thought . Hesitating only a second , he dropped flat on the ground , rolled and flipped the knife sidearm into the chest of the very surprised gunman standing 5 feet behind him . The gun fired . " Hands on top of the head , face in the dirt . " Dave followed directions groaning as the pain in his side made itself known . The guy he tripped tried to get up and was put forcefully back on the ground . The officer finished handcuffing both men . The guy with the knife in his chest wasn 't going anywhere . The knife had clearly severed an artery because he was lying unmoving in a sea of blood . Once both men were secured the officer stepped back and said into her radio . " This is UNIT 19 , I need backup and and two ambulances . We 'll also need the coroner and detectives for a homicide and possible rape . " Before she had even finished , Dave saw the flashing lights of another cop car pool onto the playground . " Stan , I don 't know what 's going on yet . When I got here , I saw this guy , " pointing at Dave , " toss a knife into the guy on the ground . Then that guy shoots at this knife thrower . The other guy was on the ground already , but he doesn 't listen too well so I had to help him stay there . Mister circus act over here tells me there 's a rape victim under there somewhere , but I haven 't been able to check yet . If you watch these guys , I 'll do that now . " Officer Judy McClean picked up the heavy flashlight she had left on the ground as she secured the prisoners . She shined the beam around until she saw the girl under the bridge curled into a ball . Her whole manner softened as she slowly approached her . She said , " It 's all over now Honey . The police are here You 're alive and you 're going to be okay . Can you move ? " The girl just nodded and started to get up . She moved tentatively , clearly hurting . However , when Stan uncuffed him , Dave made no move to get up . Stan spoke to him without a response . He checked his pulse which was fast and weak . He rolled him over and noticed the blood on the side of his shirt . He quickly ripped open the shirt and checked the wound . " Judy , it looks like he got shot . I don 't think it 's too bad but hopefully the buses will get here soon . " Judy was wondering about a guy whose first words were about the girl , not about being shot , not about being innocent . A guy who jumped into the middle of something damned dangerous and still came out on top . " I don 't know . " She explained about the food at the Deli , and then about getting grabbed as she cut through the playground . " I was fighting with one guy and I heard another say , ' Get the bitch under control . I want my turn sometime tonight . " Right after that I felt the knife at my throat . I stopped struggling and was about to give up , when the guy from the Deli gets in this guys face and starts insulting him . It was like he was insane . He wanted the guy to come after him and he did . He threw me into one of the supports over there and I think I passed out for a little while . The next thing I knew I heard a shot . I thought I was going to be next . " She smiled , " You 'll live . You got shot but it was in an out bouncing off your ribs without hitting anything vital . Luckily , it was a small caliber round . " You bled quite a bit , broke a couple of ribs and between that and the pain you passed out . You were lucky you didn 't go into shock . We 've got the bleeding under control and you shouldn 't be feeling much pain with the vicodin you 're on . Not a lot we can do for the ribs . You 'll probably spend the night just to make sure you 're okay . " The nurse now wanted to know a lot more about this . " I 'll try to find out " . She finished bandaging the wound and left to find one of the paramedics who brought him in . Instead , she ran into Judy McClean , who she had become friends with first through the ER and then at a Yoga class . Judy was staying with the prisoner while he got checked out . He was complaining about his balls being swollen which was quite possible since that 's where Judy had kicked him after he tried to get up when she had told him to stay on the ground . " Do you know what 's going on with the guy who got shot ? " Nurse Sandy Baichi asked her friend not bothering with preliminaries . Judy quickly filled her friend in on what she knew of the events in the playground . " Exam 3 . They 're checking her for a concussion . There 's also some vaginal bleeding . Her story is he got there before she was raped so we don 't know what 's going on . It might just be menstrual " Sandy went back to let Dave know that the girl was basically okay . " My turn for a question , " Sandy stated . " What happened to your arms ? I know it wasn 't from whatever happened since they were already treated . " The man lying on his back thought about how to answer . He couldn 't think of a convincing lie and the truth was that the kind of fighting he and Jesus had done was illegal . " I was working on my hobby , which sometimes involves getting hurt , but not seriously . I really can 't tell you any more than that because of privacy issues . " Not entirely satisfied , but unwilling to press , Sandy said , " Well whoever cleaned you up and wrapped the cuts did a good job . " " Thanks , I 'll be sure to tell her . " Given his scars and the new cuts as well as what she had heard tonight , she suspected this guy was a real knife fighter . She had heard stories about this from other nurses but had never met one before . She didn 't want to admit it to herself , but the danger she saw in him got her hot . Claire looked up at the man speaking to her . She recognized him , but it was really her first good look at him . He was tall , about 6 ft , thin build but not emaciated , had a neatly trimmed full beard that hid most of his face . His most distinctive feature was his pale grey eyes that made her shiver . She guessed he was about thirty . " Yeah , I 'm Claire Morrow . I 'm okay . They say they 'll probably release me this afternoon or tomorrow . " Then the tears started to flow down her face . She tried to turn away but it was too late . " No . I 'm not dumping on you . " She hesitated and then continued , " It 's just not the way I pictured spending my 18th birthday . I find out I 'm homeless and almost get raped . Fuck , I 'm pathetic . I 'm sorry you don 't need to hear this . Please just go . " She punctuated this by rolling over and hiding her face in her pillow . Dave was sitting opposite Sargent Steve Sikes , a short , dark haired intense looking man about 10 years older than himself . The open area where they sat was full of desks , detectives and a barely controlled chaos . Except for the computers instead of typewriters , the scene reminded him of an old Barney Miller episode . " PMT Group . , it 's a small manufacturing business . We make a component for home electronics as well as license some patents for defense applications . It also includes my consulting services . Basically , that involves traveling to locations usually for the defense department to help solve problems . " Dave explained what happened in the Deli . He recounted hearing the cut off cry as he got to his car , calling 911 and then hurrying toward the sound . " Sikes interrupted , " Why did you do that ? Why not leave it for us to handle ? " Sikes answered , " Look you 're entitled if you want , but I 'm just trying to figure out what went on here . From what I 've heard so far you 're not likely to be charged with anything . I haven 't read you your rights and with the painkillers you 're on , nothing you say right now will probably be admissible anyway . " " Well , I was worried that someone might need help immediately and I was there and the cops weren 't yet . I saw the girl . I saw the Bowie knife and I only saw the one guy holding her . I wanted to get his attention away from her and on me , so I started insulting him . I don 't really remember what I said or he said . It 's probably on the 911 tape since I left my phone on in my pocket when I called . " " Why did you think it was a good idea to get him to attack you ? After all , he had a big ass knife and you had nothing . Is that correct ? " Well , knives are kind of my hobby . I figured I 'd have a much better chance than she would . " He described the fight as he remembered it , and then said , " I thought everything was good until I heard the other guy and that gun cocking had to have been the loudest sound I ever heard . To be honest I figured I was dead . When I threw the knife I was just hoping to take him with me . Truthfully , it was a lousy throw , but he moved his head and body a bit probably to see what I was doing and basically moved right into it . When I realized I wasn 't dead , I didn 't care about the wound , I felt like crying . Then I heard the female officer , I 'm sorry I don 't know her name . She scared the crap out of me , which I guess was the idea . " The guy you took the knife from is Ray Rodney , a loser with lots of priors for burglary , robbery , and illegal possession of a weapon . Never popped him for sexual assault but that doesn 't mean it was new to him . The other one was Newt aka Neuter Powers . He 's was in for sexual assault once before . He also had a slew of other arrests . Just a slightly older version of Ray really . One white , one black proving that scumbag is an equal opportunity profession . They called him Neuter because he cut some guy 's dick off when he was in prison . Rumor has it was revenge for biting him , if you get my drift . " Dave hesitated . . . He figured the cop already knew just from knowing to ask the question . " I don 't think I want to answer that without my lawyer in the room . " Dave looked pissed , " Look are we done here ? I tried to help someone . That 's it . I 'm sorry if that blows your all people are pricks philosophy , but you 'll just have to live with it . " Dave , who had never considered this was appalled . " Shit , you don 't think this will be in the news do you . Can you keep my name out ? " Sikes was surprised . He knew a genuine reaction when he heard it . " What 's the problem ? Reporters were all over the scene . It 's definitely news and so are you . You 'll be the big hero or a psycho danger freak depending on how they decide to play it . I don 't think we can keep your name out . " Dave tried to explain , " It 's weird . I made some money when I was just out of college and started a business . I was afraid it would change me so I 've tried to keep my business side and my private life totally separate . Most people know me either through business or personally . Shit , this is really going to suck . " He didn 't mention that neither the business nor most of the personal acquaintances knew about the knife collection and fighting . Sikes dropped him off at the CVS a few blocks from his housesince he had forgotten to get his prescription filled at the hospital pharmacy . He waited the 15 minutes it took to get his antibiotics and pain pills . Not up to a walk , he took a cab home . Within 10 minutes the phone started ringing . He let the machine handle it - - a reporter wanting an interview . He turned off the ringers and silenced his cell phone . He slowly got out of his clothes and lowered his battered body onto his bed , exhausted by the interview and not having slept much at the hospital . Before falling asleep , he looked at his bedside clock 11 : 30 . The last 12 hours felt like a week . Two hours later , his ribs were on fire . He awkwardly got out of bed trying unsuccessfully not to further irritate them . He thought about getting some vicodin , but in the end opted for three ipuprofen from his medicine cabinet . He didn 't like the out of control woozy feeling he got from stronger pain killers . He knew he couldn 't take a shower so he tried to at least wash up with a washcloth . He wasn 't pleased with the result but couldn 't do any better . He thought about shaving and trimming his beard but decided to skip it as not worth the effort . He retrieved the morning paper , bending carefully at the knees and trying not to move his torso . His eyes were immediately drawn to the headline beneath the fold of the Inquirer . Rape Attempt Foiled by Good Samaritan . The story was short and light on facts but it had his name in there . Claire 's was withheld as the victim . He listened to the messages left on his home phone and cell . It was roughly evenly split between friends and acquaintances wanting to know if it was him and what happened and reporters wanting an interview . He decided to ignore them all for now . After eating a bowl of cereal for his lunch , he thought of his car , still parked outside of Mitch 's and wondered if it had been ticketed . It was a short walk , but he decided he wasn 't up for it and called a cab . As he got in the cab , he changed his mind about his destination and said " U of P hospital please . " He arrived back at Claire 's room with an idea of what he wanted , but unsure of how to say it . He knocked quietly and walked into her room . " Hi Claire , it 's Dave - - Dave McGowan . " She had been lying on her side facing the window . She turned over and said , " Hi . I 'm sorry about last night , almost getting you killed and then this morning dumping my shit on you . " Dave interrupted , " Nothing to be sorry for . First , it was my choice to go into the park . Second , you have every right to cry . There 's nothing to be sorry for . Actually , I don 't know how to say this without it coming out bad . I have a house that 's too big for me . I 've been fixing it up ever since I moved in five years ago and it 's pretty livable . I have a deal for you . You come stay with me - you have your own room and bathroom , " he added quickly . " Wait , you didn 't let me finish . There 's another part of this . I find that I 'm not too mobile . I need someone to help me around the house , drive my car until my ribs are a little less raw . " " It 's fine . They barely stitched the wound up . There 's just a light bandages over the openings . Which brings me back to my point . I discovered this morning I can 't change the bandage myself . I really do need some help . " She paused thinking of her alternatives , " What the hell ? I 'm too desperate to be proud . I accept lodging in return for whatever you need until your wound is healed . " Dave had to make an appointment with a surgeon to get his wound checked and eventually get the 20 stitches they had put into him removed . Claire had to wait for her doctor to formally release her . They agreed to meet in the hospital 's lobby . Claire didn 't answer immediately . She finally decided she owed him the complete truth . It would also make living with him a lot easier if she didn 't have this hidden . " Look , I 'm sure you 've wondered about me but were too polite to ask . I think you deserve to know how I ended up in that Deli . It 's going to be hard for me to talk about so I 'd rather do it all at once at your house with no interruptions . You can ask questions when I 'm done , but I just need to get through it first without being interrupted . " " Geez , it 's huge . You 're the only one who lives here ? " Dave looked at his restored Queen Ann style home and smiled with a mixture of pride and embarrassment , " Five years ago , when I moved in , it was falling apart . I 've been working on it ever since . " The outside , is mostly done , but I have a number of rooms inside that I haven 't done much to yet . " " So did you , and you 're wounded and I 'm mostly fine . " She didn 't look fine . She was pale and sweating . She looked like she might fall over any minute . He was worried and said , " You don 't start your official duties until I say . Right now , I think we both need to get some rest . He showed her one of the guest rooms and the linen closet . " You 'll need to help yourself . Leaning , bending , reaching aren 't in my repertoire for awhile . " She didn 't say they weren 't too great for her either , knowing she would manage . " I 'm kind of wiped . I slept earlier but not too great . I 'm going to rest and I think you should as well . If you get up , order some pizza delivered and maybe some sides . Menus are on the fridge . " He pulled out 2 twenties from his wallet and handed them to her . " I 'm going to set my alarm for seven . I don 't want to sleep later than that or I 'm afraid I won 't sleep tonight . If you aren 't up do you want me to wake you ? " Claire actually did lay down for a few minutes , but couldn 't relax enough to sleep . She was worried about telling her story , about what she had gotten herself into , and extremely curious about her benefactor . Despite , her legs feeling like lead , and her general discomfort , she explored the house . The bathrooms she saw were beautifully tiled and had tasteful pewter fixtures . Most of the rest of the rooms were empty , many of them in some form of either gutting or rebuilding . On the ground floor she discovered a decent sized kitchen that looked functional but was clearly still a work in progress with a plywood floor and one wall stripped down to the plaster lathe . The appliances looked older than she was . She read the paper 's sparse account of last night 's incident and it sounded like it happened to someone else . She wondered if they would want to talk to her and was glad her name wasn 't in the paper . It was close to seven so she ordered a half mushroom / half pepperoni , a plain pizza , and some fried zucchini . She had to pause when they asked where to deliver . She quickly walked over to where she had seen his mail on top of his entertainment cabinet and read off his address . After the food arrived , she went up to let him know . She saw his door was open and put her head in to let him know about the food . She saw him struggling to put on a shirt over his well muscled but scarred torso . She also saw the bandage around his ribs and felt guilty . Not thinking , she stepped into the room and said to his back , " Let me help . " He jumped and then moaned as he strained his ribs , " Oh shit , you scared the crap out of me . I didn 't see you there . " " I 'm so sorry . I didn 't mean to startle you . I just couldn 't stand to see you hurting when I knew I could help . Don 't you have any button down shirts ? I would think they would be easier . " He stared at her for a moment , " I 'm an idiot . Thanks , you 're already earning your keep . He started to remove the t - shirt from around his neck , but Claire stopped him , pushing his arms down and easing his discomfort . She stepped in closer and lifted the shirt off his neck . She couldn 't help the rush to her loins as she undressed the man who had saved her - the good looking sexy man who had saved her . She caught herself and forced her thoughts back to the mundane , not wanting to make a fool of herself and knowing now wasn 't the time - if ever . " I 'm a senior at West . I 'll graduate in about two weeks . My Mom and I don 't really get along . Dad pushes her around and she goes along with it . My father and I have a weird thing going on . He was always real proud of me - straight A student and all around good girl . But he always wanted to run my life . He told me who I couldn 't be friends with , told me I couldn 't have a boyfriend or a job . Up until about a 4 months ago I let him . Then I started going out with a guy name Doug Parker . My Dad hated him and told me I had to stop seeing him . I said no and it felt great . He looked at me like he couldn 't believe it . After that we had lots of battles about clothes , what time I came and went , and most of all about Doug . After a couple of weeks Doug wanted to do it . He pretty much gave me an ultimatum . Doug had already begun to not seem like such a great guy , but I felt like if I didn 't keep him , my father would have won . Long and short is I gave in . " At this point Claire was struggling not to cry . Dave wanted to comfort her . " You don 't have to continue . " " I want to , " she said in a stronger voice . He said he would use a condom , but when the time came he didn 't have one . Then he said he would pull out . I knew that wasn 't safe , but I was afraid I wouldn 't go through with it if I backed out then . Stupid me . A month later I knew I was pregnant . I told Doug first . The asshole told me it was my problem and he had ' moved on ' . Then , I gathered my courage and asked my parents if I could talk to them one Friday night . First , I apologized for all the fighting I had been doing . Both of them looked relieved . Then I broke the news to them . My mom started to cry . I expected my father to start yelling . Instead , he just shut down . He stopped speaking to me and walked away . He didn 't say another word to me until yesterday morning . " Now , Claire couldn 't stop the tears running down her cheeks , but she continued , " He woke me up at 6 : 00 yesterday morning . He said , " You 're eighteen now . I don 't have to put up with your whoring any more . Everything in this house I bought belongs to me . I 'll let you have the clothes you wear out the door . You have 5 minutes to get the fuck out of my house . " My mother was behind him mouthing I 'm sorry , too afraid to even say the words . I knew he could be a jerk , but I never expected to be thrown out . I was in shock . I threw on some clothes grabbed my purse and left without saying anything to either of them . I didn 't have much money because he never allowed me to get a job , insisting I focus on school . When you saw me in the diner , I 'd wandered around most of the day . I spent money for the soda mainly to have a place to sit and try to figure what to do and where to spend the night . I had finally decided to suck up my humiliation and ask my friend Hillary if I could stay with her . Hillary and I had been very close before I screwed that up when I got involved with Doug . She warned me and we fought about that and were only civil after that . Still she 's a good person and I was sure she would hear me out and at least let me stay the night . That 's where I was heading when I got grabbed by that guy in the park . " She paused , " In the emergency room , they asked me if I was pregnant . When I admitted I was , they spent some time checking me out and finally told me that I had lost the baby , probably due to the stress or possibly when he threw me down . " Claire started to sob . " I don 't even know why I 'm crying . I didn 't want to be pregnant . I definitely didn 't want that asshole 's child and all I can feel is this loss . I had a person growing in me and now I don 't . I 'm so damned confused . Anyway if you don 't want me around after hearing this , I 'll understand . " " Claire , I can 't tell you how sorry I am about all this . You 're welcome here until you get back on your feet and I 'll do whatever I can to help you with that . Honestly , I had been thinking of working on trying to get you back with your family , but after hearing your story I can 't help but think you are better off not living there . " Claire interjected , " I 'm sorry I can 't have sex with you right away . The doctor said to wait at least two weeks . I promise I 'll try to make it up to you . " " Well not at first , but I figured after you heard I was easy , you 'd expect your share . " Claire wasn 't even sure why she told him this . A part of her knew he wasn 't like this , but somehow she felt like she was protecting herself . " Let me be clear . I hope that we can become friends although given your opinion of me that seems unlikely right now . I don 't want a relationship with you . I don 't expect you to trade sex for living here . I expect you to move on once you have a way forward . I would like your help with little things around here . If you know how to drive , I would appreciate you helping me with that until it 's a little easier for me . I won 't interfere with you finishing high school in any way . That has priority over everything else . Now , I 'm feeling tired and I 'm going to head back to bed . " He wasn 't particularly tired after his nap , but he just didn 't know what to say to this girl . He knew she was hurting , but he hadn 't done anything but be nice to her and couldn 't help feeling pissed that she thought he was after sex . Claire wasn 't stupid and she knew she had just made a huge mistake . She wondered if her own desires made her assume he was looking for sex . She already knew she wanted this man 's heart , but she doubted she had anything he would want . She knew she should apologize , but she was afraid how she really felt would spill out . Jan knew this was her best chance . She wasn 't going to take no for answer . She juggled the bags she was carrying from her trip to the supermarket . She wondered if he would like what she bought . Ever since he had given her the key , she had known she would use it for more than it 's original purpose . She was worried about him even though her friend in the hospital had told her he 'd been released in the morning , but she was also excited for the chance to take care of him . She opened the door and was suddenly faced with a young woman . They stared at each other , both taken by surprise . Jan looked at this cute chestnut haired , blue - eyed , pixie and couldn 't figure it out . Claire looked at the tall , dark skinned auburn - haired goddess and suddenly felt stupid . She looked at the key in Jan 's hand and put it together . " I 'm Claire , I 'm sorry I didn 't know Dave had a girlfriend . It 's not what you think , I 'm just staying here while he needs some help , " she babbled . " Sorry , I turned it off . It was ringing non - stop when I got home . I appreciate you coming to check on me , but I just have some stitches and nothing too serious . Claire 's going to help me out until I get my full range of motion back . " Jan couldn 't believe it . She 'd been replaced before she even got here . " Well you can send her back to whatever agency you hired her from . I take care of you when you 've been wounded , " in a tone brooking no argument . Jan realized this wasn 't going well . Her knight was up to his old tricks of rescuing damsels and making them fall in love with him . She recognized the look in Claire 's eyes when she looked at Dave , she saw it in her mirror every day . Finally , she smiled , " I 'm afraid I 'm going to have pull seniority . He saved my life long before he ever heard of you . " Dave said , " Look this is silly . Claire 's staying here until she gets back on her feet . I don 't need a lot of help . Jan , you have a business to run . I certainly appreciate the thought , but all this fuss isn 't necessary . " Claire 's curiosity was aroused by Jan 's mysterious statement . Who was this guy who went around saving women 's lives ? She grabbed a bag and headed into the kitchen . Dave moved to follow , when Jan said , " Sorry Dave , girls only . Why don 't you take it easy on the couch . You don 't want to strain yourself . " Dave didn 't have a fight in him and just acquiesced . Eventually , Dave heard laughing and relaxed . He realized that Jan felt possessive , but he wasn 't sure exactly why . He was just glad they seemed to be settling things . He hoped Jan hadn 't said too much about the incident she mentioned . It wasn 't a good memory and she had sworn never to talk about it with anyone other than her psychologist , Dave or her father . Now he had added another memory to worry him during sleepless nights . |
It was Saturday morning . Catherine woke early and changed her clothes for a day of intense cleaning in her apartment . With her hair tied back in a pony tail and her face scrubbed clean , she poured herself a large cup of coffee and grabbed a piece of toast . Next , she attacked her bathroom , and as she left it to walk to the kitchen , she stopped in her tracks and smiled as she cocked her head . " I can 't believe I never noticed the balcony got so much sun ! " she said to herself . She spent almost the entire day dusting and scrubbing , polishing and waxing . When her apartment was finally spotless , she glanced out the doors to the balcony . " Better take a look out there . . . " She grabbed a broom and a dust pan and moved the small amount of furniture she had to one side . She made faces as she slammed down the broom on top of the several spiders scurrying for shelter . " I 'm glad I can 't see these at night , or else I 'd never come out here ! " The balcony took very little time to clean , and Catherine soon propped the broom against the wall and sat down in a chair to look out over the city . In the distance , she could see another balcony decorated with plants and flowers . Squinting her eyes , she could make out the stunning colors of red and yellow and purple . " Why didn 't I think of that ? ! " " Excuse me , ma ' am . " Catherine turned around to see a middle aged man behind her . He had kind eyes and a warm smile . " Yes ? " Catherine looked distressed . " I 'm sorry . I hadn 't realized it was so late ! I 've been walking around and getting more confused by the second . " The man laughed at her , then narrowed his eyes thoughtfully . " Let me guess . . . you 're . . . a doctor . You live in a condo with a balcony , but it 's only a few stories high and you want some privacy . You saw someone else 's balcony decorated with plants , and you want to do yours that way , but because of your lack of time you need a low maintenance plant and you don 't know what you want . " Catherine wrinkled her nose and smiled as she leaned forward . " Well , I said you 're pretty good . Most of it was right , except I 'm a lawyer , and the apartment is on the 18th floor . " " Okay . . . last question . Are you doing this because you love plants , or are you trying to decorate your balcony a little bit . . . you know , for entertaining . Big parties or some alone time with the boyfriend ? " Catherine looked surprised , then quickly shook her head . " Um . . . no big parties . . . just quiet nights with . . . " She chuckled as she thought of Vincent . " . . . the boyfriend . " Catherine was overwhelmed again as he showed her all of the colors that were available . " How will I ever choose ? I mean . . . I know what all of the colors are supposed to signify , but . . . how can I choose just one ? ! " " I have a very special rose bush . It 's unique , but I think you 're going to love it . It 's a hybrid . . . a mixture of red and white roses together . " " All right . I 'll give you a typed sheet of care instructions . I promise you , if you follow all the instructions , this baby will thrive . " " I promise ! " " Tell you what . . . you can pay for what you need , I 'll load it up and deliver it for you . Catherine was surprised by his kindness and looked at him uncertainly . " Um … " The man stuck out his hand . " Look , we live in New York . I can see you 're worried , and that 's probably a good thing . My name 's Rick Barten and I 'm the owner of this place . I can dump it at your front door , and your boyfriend can lug it to your apartment for you . " She paid , then left , and as promised , Rick delivered the plants about a half an hour later . When he saw how close her balcony was to her front door he smiled . " I don 't do this for everyone , but I 'll help you get this stuff outside . " Rick carried the bags of soil out while Catherine carried the planter . He stacked the three bags of potting soil by her door , then went back out for the rose bush , while Catherine carried the pruning shears and small shovel , then went back for the smaller flowers . Catherine opened up the first bag of soil , then started to fill the bottom of the planter with small shovels of soil . Rick turned around and rolled his eyes . " Here , " he said as he grinned and picked up the bag to fill in the lower half of the planter . Catherine looked at the rose bush and before she could reach for it , Rick had grabbed it and lifted it into the air . " Can you take off the plastic around the roots ? " Catherine quickly did as he asked , and Rick slipped the bush into the middle of the planter . " Okay , now you can use your shovel to fill in around the bottom . " " Lady , I 'm the lucky one ! " Rick laughed . " Look , you should be good to go now . Let me know if you have any problems . " Catherine walked him to the door and quickly reached into her purse , then stepped forward with a tip in her hand . " I can 't thank you enough ! " " It was my pleasure . Now remember your promise . " Catherine opened the door to let him out . " I will . " After he left , she headed back out and looked at the pile of work he left for her . She spread the pots around the balcony , then carried over and started replanting the smaller plants . She smiled as she fell into a rhythm and realized she was actually having fun doing it . Satisfied with her work , she turned to the big planter and the rose bush . She quickly filled in around the bottom of the bush with more dirt and was patting down the soil when she noticed a dead stem in the middle of the bush . When she went to prune it , she was pricked by the thorns . He impulsively bent his head and kissed the cut on her hand . Catherine 's heart skipped a beat when his soft lips touched her skin , and she clamped down on her emotions . Vincent quickly realized what he had done and , shocked by his boldness , slowly raised his head and looked at her worriedly to try to gauge her reaction . His face was inches from hers , and he watched as her tongue came out to unconsciously wet her lips . Desire flared in his eyes , and he thought briefly about kissing her until he remembered who he was and what he was and lowered his eyes in shame , then made to move away . Catherine reached for him and held his chin to stay his retreat . Vincent had no choice but to make eye contact with her . As she looked deeply in his eyes , she tried to let him know without words that she had found what he did acceptable . A knock sounded at her door and broke the intensity of the moment . They turned from each other , Vincent with relief and Catherine with frustration . Reminded by the intrusion that he didn 't belong in her world , Vincent briefly closed his eyes and tried to get a hold of his racing heart . His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke . " I . . . I should go . . . " She smiled coyly and shut the balcony doors , then ran to her front door , thinking about how quickly she could get rid of whoever was there . Two men flashed badges at her , then invited themselves in to her apartment . Catherine was angry at the intrusion and the fact that they seemed to be searching her apartment . Vincent was ready to intervene if necessary until he heard they were agents from the CIA . He quickly scaled the wall and was out of sight instantly . Vincent had headed to her threshold and waited , ready to go back to her at the first sign of trouble . When he felt her relief , he pushed off from the wall and started to head home . He had taken only a few steps when he felt she was coming Below , so he turned back and waited . Catherine was climbing down the ladder a short time later . She dropped down to the dirt floor and turned to him apologetically . " I 'm sorry . I had no idea it was . . . " " Elliot ? What did you tell them ? " Catherine shrugged it off . " I told them the truth , that I haven 't seen him in over a year . " Catherine rolled her eyes . " What else is new ? Drama seems to follow him , but I am sorry for putting you in danger . I never thought . . . I mean … I just assumed it was one of the kids from the apartment building selling something . Vincent , I would never have put you in that position ! " " I 'm glad you got away so quickly , " she said as she took a step towards him . He knew she had been worried , and he opened his arms as she fell into them . " I am too . I would hate to have been questioned about Elliot . " The irony was not lost on her , and she looked up at him with her head on his chest and smiled . He looked down at her , and , as earlier , they noticed how close their faces were . Catherine felt herself drawn to him , and she unconsciously moved closer . A noise was heard above them , and Vincent backed away into the shadows . Catherine sighed again as yet another intrusion broke their moment . She sat on the edge of her bed and envisioned Vincent 's face after he kissed her hand . She was positive he had been going to kiss her . She reveled in the fact that maybe they had reached the turning point and he was finally willing to move forward . She wondered how to help him over the last hurdle . Greg smiled . " Yeah ! I 'm here to interview some old guy that got gunned down . Took three shots into the chest and the old geezer is still kicking ! " Greg began to walk as Catherine followed him . They showed their credentials to the head nurse on duty who promptly called the doctor . The doctor told both of them that Stanley surprised them all and lived through the surgery . He was unable to tell them when or if he would ever wake up . Greg and Catherine started to walk out together . Greg told Catherine that Kazmarek 's wife and son were both dead , and they believed that Kazmarek 's shooting was the result of an organized hit . Both of them wondered how a man of his age was tied to anything that would warrant an organized hit . To her surprise , the two CIA agents who had burst into Catherine 's apartment caught up with them at the hospital entrance . They pulled rank and took over the case from both Greg and the police department and from Catherine and the DA 's office . Joe sat her down and informed her that the agents left him some important information off the record . He told her that a freighter carrying illegal arms had been intercepted two weeks ago . The registry was Liberian , but they had traced the owner to a Hong Kong firm that was controlled by a holding corporation in the Cayman Islands , which in turn was controlled by Elliot Burch . Joe continued , saying the CIA thought Elliot had gotten into arms trafficking and was declaring war against his own country . Stanley Kazmarek was thought to be the link to the arms deal . Catherine defended Elliot , saying she didn 't believe he would hire out for murder . But Joe countered with the fact that the freighter was called the Annabelle Lee , which was the same name on the card the fake delivery man dropped on Stanley after he shot him . Alarmed , she turned back and stepped up her pace . She began to panic when the car in front of her flipped on its lights , temporarily blinding her . She tried to make the stairway , but was confronted by another man . She stepped back , only to find the first man had come up directly behind her . Trapped , she watched as someone stepped out of the car and made his way toward her . To her surprise , Elliot stood in front of her . He begged her to take a ride with him . Catherine could see his desperation , and , curious , she agreed and climbed into his car . Catherine was shocked when he revealed his request . He asked her for her help getting the man named Stanley Kazmarek out of the hospital . Catherine accused him of being the one who tried to kill the man in the first place , and Elliot begged her to trust him . Catherine couldn 't bring herself to commit either way , and Elliot was defeated at her lack of trust and had her dropped off at the next corner . Catherine caught a cab back to her apartment and quickly changed clothes . She was troubled by what had happened and wanted to ask Vincent for his advice . She knew he was on sentry duty near the park , so she walked to the entrance and called for him on the pipes , then waited patiently for him to come to her . " I was asked for a huge favor tonight . I don 't know if I should do it … or … if I even can do it . . . " Vincent cocked his head curiously , and she knew he wanted to hear more about it , so with a sigh she began . " There 's an older man named Stanley Kazmarek in a hospital room at St . Vincent 's . He 's recovering from gunshot wounds . He 's being protected by the CIA for now , but I 've been asked to find a way to get him out of there , supposedly for his own protection . " " Protection ? How can this man be unsafe in the hands of the authorities ? " Catherine shrugged and frowned as she started to pace . Vincent wondered at her indecision as he continued . " Is the person who asked this favor of you trustworthy ? " Catherine nodded . " When he was talking about Kazmarek there was something in his voice . . . in his eyes . . . I don 't think he means to harm him but . . . " " And if I make the wrong choice ? ! " She sighed aloud in frustration . " Elliot . . . the master of half truths . . . and he 's hiding something from me . I know it ! " Catherine shook her head angrily again . " Yes , I was gently reminded of that tonight . I owe him a favor , but you don 't owe him anything , Vincent . I was the one who went to him for help . I 'm in debt to him . " " You took on that debt to save my life as well as Father 's life . If we have the power to repay that debt . . . we will ! Can you come with me now ? " " Damn it , Vincent , it 's too dangerous ! " Catherine spat angrily as she slammed her hand down on Father 's desk . " That 's why you should accept our help ! " Father blinked in surprise at her words . He could hear himself saying something very much like that , and he wondered what had Catherine so upset . He held up his hands and stopped their arguing , then pointed to the two chairs in front of him . " Sit ! " The two sat and looked away from one another as Father sighed . " Tell me . . . " " So … why not ask to have the man released … " Father frowned . Vincent shrugged . " It 's not that simple . He is being guarded by the CIA . We would have to slip in and take him without being noticed . " " Father ! " Vincent exploded . Father knew Vincent was right , and he held up his hand again . " Okay , Vincent ! Okay . . . we owe him that much . " Father nodded as he looked away . " Mostly children . If one of the children is hurt Above . . . they 'll be taken to the hospital . Rebecca will go and claim the child as her own , and normally there isn 't a problem , but a few times we 've run into … well … problems … and had to get them out of there before it was discovered they were orphans and put into the system . " " Three ? ! " Catherine gasped , then shook her head to clear her thoughts . She sat for several minutes , then finally nodded and took a deep breath , then looked at them curiously . " How did you manage it ? " Vincent leaned forward and took her hand . " We have two helpers who work on the inside . One is a nurse . . . she gets the person assigned to the room closest to the stairwell . A distraction is created , then someone slips in the room and carries the child down a flight steps . . . " Father finished the story . " Where they 're placed on a gurney and Nancy , our helper , pushes them through to the lower levels of the hospital to Rob who works in the morgue . From there we take them to the tunnels . " Catherine closed her eyes then slowly shook her head . " But this is not like taking a child and bringing them back Below . They know you ; they know they are going home . This man was attacked in his home and shot three times , and he 's being watched 24 / 7 by CIA agents . They 're not going to be distracted by some fight in the hallway ! " Father leaned forward . " It would be better for you if you were ; you 'd have an alibi and couldn 't be accused of the abduction . Now . . . we 'll have Cullen , Matthew , and Vincent place this man on a stretcher and carry him to the parking garage by Central Park . " Vincent waved his hand dismissively . " Yes , but it 's far enough away to be certain we can deliver him to Elliot without interference . " Catherine threw up her hands in frustration . " I cannot believe we 're having this discussion ! This was the last thing in the world I expected either of you to say ! ' She turned to Father . " Why ? Why would you do this ? " Father nodded . " Let Rob know what we 're planning and have him tell Nancy . Then get Cullen and Matthew to help you . " Vincent tapped out another message while Catherine sat in shock . Father touched her arm . " Catherine , let 's go over what type of distraction you 'll have to make . . . " Catherine turned to him in disbelief . " I . . . can 't even think , Father . I . . . would have bet my life you wouldn 't agree to anything this . . . this … " Catherine headed home to change clothes and then returned Below . Vincent , Cullen and Matthew met her at her threshold . " I can 't believe we 're doing this ! " Catherine gasped again for what seemed like the millionth time . Cullen started first . " You 'll cause a loud distraction in the hall . . . enough to bring the agent out of Kazmarek 's room . The second he walks out , Vincent will slip in and grab Kazmarek . " Cullen nodded . " Then its two small flights of steps down to the next landing and Nancy will be there with a gurney . Vincent can get out of there , and I 'll get the guy to the basement level , where there 's only one flight of stairs to the first tunnel . " " Then onto a stretcher and through the tunnels to the Central Park garage . " Vincent added . " Mouse is going to follow behind us and put up some temporary false walls just in case . " There 's no other way ? " Catherine frowned . Catherine went up to the floor and talked with the doctor about the safety of moving Kazmarek to a different hospital . One of the agents overheard her , and the two started arguing in the hallway . The second agent came rushing out of the room , and Catherine carefully willed her eyes to remain on their faces despite the fact that she could see Vincent sneaking into the room . The two agents talked in the hallway for another few minutes , curious about Catherine 's safety considering her past involvement with Elliot . Finally , the agent went back into the room and slowly the shock of Kazmarek 's missing body set in . He flew into the hallway . " He 's gone ! " She told him where to meet her , then ran Below and headed towards the park entrance . She walked behind Cullen and Matthew as they handed the old man over to Elliot . Elliot 's guards laid the man across the long seat of the limo and made him as comfortable as possible . Elliot cajoled Catherine into coming for a ride with him so he could have a chance to say goodbye to her . Catherine felt that Vincent was nearby and knew he could hear their conversation . Knowing he would understand , she reluctantly agreed to go with Elliot . Kazmarek woke up in the limo , and Elliot kneeled by his side . They exchanged heated words while Catherine looked on curiously . She was shocked by how familiar they were with one another , and somehow she knew this wasn 't their first argument . Elliot looked sad as he sat back in his seat . Quiet , he looked out the window , but Catherine could still see the pain in his face . Eventually , he turned to her with disgust on his face and muttered something about Stanley being fine once he was good and drunk . They reached the docks , and Elliot was furious that the helicopter he ordered was only big enough for two people . He put his father in first , then ordered the pilot to take the man out to his yacht and come back for him . As the helicopter started to lift off , Elliot turned to Catherine to say goodbye . The two jumped in shock as the helicopter suddenly exploded . Elliot screamed in despair as Catherine looked on in horror . Elliot 's bodyguards tried to quickly get him back to the limo , but they were cut off by a trio of gunman . One of Elliot 's guards was gunned down , and bullets rang out around them . Elliot and Catherine ran for safety , but were trapped out on the dock . As the men closed in , Elliot leaned in and passionately kissed Catherine goodbye , then jumped into the river . Dazed for a moment by the kiss , Catherine soon followed behind him . The gunmen killed Elliot 's last bodyguard and then spread out along the waterfront to keep an eye out for Elliot and Catherine . Elliot silently came up from underwater and swam for the protection of the pier . He stayed under it as he slowly made his way upstream . He kept a constant eye on the water in hopes that he would see Catherine surface . When he was unable to spot her , his heart ached with the knowledge that something had happened to her . Meanwhile , Catherine swam underwater for as long as her lungs could take . She came up alongside a boat and heard the men firing shots into the water . She heard them say they were going downstream as she slipped underwater again and made her way to the next boat . Catherine continued doing this for the next ten minutes . Finally , she saw a ladder leading up to the dock , and she swam over to it . Looking all around her , she silently headed towards what she hoped was a way off the pier . Elliot knew the docks well as he headed upstream . He exited the water at an area where he knew there were buildings to hide in . He silently broke into an office where he found a set of clothes and quickly changed out of his wet garments . He thought of Catherine and a tear trickled from his eye that he quickly swiped away . " If she got hurt , I 'll never forgive myself , " he muttered aloud . " I 've got to find her . . . " He left the safety of the office and headed out on the docks . Catherine was walking cautiously along when she saw a shadow coming towards her . Panicking , she hid behind a crate . Elliot walked past her and then stopped when he saw movement from behind a crate . He stepped back and the moonlight illuminated her face . The two friends hugged as relief washed through them that the other one was alive . Elliot led her back to the office where he found her a change of clothes . Catherine quickly changed , and the two headed out again . They were walking along when Catherine suddenly heard the telltale sounds of Vincent 's presence and knew the men trying to kill them were close by . She grabbed Elliot 's arm and dragged him along as she began running down a pier . They saw a man coming towards them and doubled back . When yet another man started coming towards them from that direction , they took off in a third direction . Running blindly , they ran into a dead end . Trapped , Elliot offered to give himself up , but Catherine knew these men weren 't going to leave witnesses and would kill her as well . She found a sewer lid and frantically asked Elliot to help her lift it . She pushed him down in the sewer first , hoping that if Vincent appeared Elliot wouldn 't see him . Elliot gasped as he heard the ping of bullets hitting off the top of the lid as Catherine lowered it back into place . The sewer was dark inside as Catherine felt for the rungs of the ladder and started to climb down . Elliot grabbed for her impulsively when she reached the bottom . Above , Vincent 's growls could be heard as he quickly took care of the men trying to harm them . In the tunnel below , Catherine and Elliot could hear the unhuman noises of Vincent and then the screams of the dying men . Suddenly , it was silent , and Catherine knew it had all ended . Knowing Vincent was above them and the bodies of the men would be scattered around , Catherine grabbed Elliot 's arm and led him into the dark tunnels . He tried to demand answers as Catherine tried to get her bearings in the tunnel way . Elliot reached for her arm to stop her . " Look ! Whatever got to those guys back there is probably gone by now . I think we should head back , look around where we climbed down for another sewer cap . We can go up on the docks , and I 'll make sure we get back safely . . . " " And if you 're wrong and we get shot at again ? I 'll take my chances down here ! " Catherine said angrily as she began to walk on . Elliot swore as he followed her deeper into the tunnel ways . " I 've heard reports that there were tunnels below the city . I never believed them before now . " " Well , you 're in them right now . " Catherine ignored him as she kept walking . Elliot reached for her arm again . " How do you know there aren 't gangs or some other kind of derelicts down here ? " " I don 't . " Catherine led him further , but still nothing looked familiar . Each time she came to a choice in tunnels she looked and guessed which way she should walk . In an hour , Catherine realized she was completely lost . She looked over at a pipe running along the wall and then back at Elliot , trying to gauge if it was worth letting him see her call for help . Deciding she had no choice but to trust him , she picked up a rock and tapped out a message , then leaned against the wall and waited . Elliot kept quiet and leaned against the wall next to her . He frowned when Catherine got excited as she heard noises in the pipes . He shook his head in disbelief . " Is that some kind of code ? " Meanwhile , Vincent sank back against the wall on the docks and looked at the carnage in front of him . He was disgusted with the murders he committed . He was also in pain and looked down at his hand . Watching the blood flow from the gaping wound , he tore a piece of fabric from the bottom of his shirt and tightly wrapped his hand to stop the bleeding . The cloth was quickly soaked with blood , and he knew he needed to get back to the home tunnels . Vincent walked as fast as he could towards his chamber . His long legs ate up the miles of distance , and it wasn 't long before he saw a familiar face . " Kipper , please tell Father I 've returned and that all is well , " he said as he walked past the last sentry post and into his chamber . In his chamber , he poured water into a basin then dipped his hand in it and hissed as the pain seared in his hand . Father walked into the chamber . " Vincent , I heard you were back . . . " He saw the blood in the basin and frowned as he walked up and touched Vincent 's shoulder comfortingly . Vincent showed him his hand and Father gasped . " Dear God ! What happened ? " Vincent remained silent , and Father walked him over to the basin again and started to treat the wound . " This must be treated ; it could become infected . " Vincent winced in pain and sucked in his breath as the pain burned in his hand once again . Father frowned and looked over tentatively . " How . . . um . . . is Catherine ? " " Even love can wound , Father . The grave is a fine safe place , but if we live . . . we bleed , " Vincent said quietly . Father watched as Vincent squeezed his hand to wring out the cloth and more blood spurted out . " I think you 're going to need stitches , son . " Mary walked in right after Father and gasped when she saw Vincent 's hand . " Oh , you poor dear . " She patted Vincent 's face lovingly . Father rolled his eyes . " That poor dear will need multiple stitches and soon ! " Mary quickly rolled up Vincent 's sleeve , then cleaned the area while Father prepared the needle and thread . He frowned as he looked at Vincent . " Are you ready ? " Father stuck the needle in , and Vincent 's upper body flinched in pain , but his hand remained immobile . Halfway through the operation , Mouse ran into the room . " Need Vincent 's help . . . come now . . . lost in tunnels ! " Mary rushed to answer . " He can 't help you right now ! Father is only half way through stitching his hand , and he 's already lost a lot of blood . " Mouse blushed when he saw the pain Vincent was in . Jamie had rushed in behind Mouse . " Sorry , Vincent . We didn 't know . . . we only came because it 's Catherine . " Jamie frowned at Mouse and quickly elaborated . " She 's okay ; he 's not hurting her or anything . It looks like she 's trying to lead him through the tunnels . " Jamie stepped bravely forward . " Mouse and I will keep a close eye on them . If he moves to hurt her in any way , we 'll step in . " Vincent sighed aloud . " Please ! Catherine knows this man ; it 's Elliot Burch . She 's in no danger . She 's probably trying to lead him to a safe place to go Above . " Father frowned , then looked at Mouse . " How do you know they haven 't left by now ? " Jamie held up her hand to silence Mouse . " Catherine tapped out a message on the pipes . It was kind of garbled , but she asked for help to get out . She 's waiting for an answer , I think . " Mary 's hands flew to his shoulders and held him down . " You will do no such thing , young man ! You are going to sit here and let Father finish this ! " I have an idea . " Father said , and he looked directly at Mouse as sternly as he could . " Mouse , you get as close to her as you can and tap on the pipes in the tunnels until she follows the noise . Do not let yourselves be seen under any circumstances ! Do you understand ? ! " Jamie and Mouse took off as Father got back to the task of stitching Vincent 's hand . Father finished after seventeen stitches , and Mary slathered the cut with antibiotic ointment , then tightly dressed it with a clean dry bandage . She also helped Vincent change his bloody shirt . She kissed his cheek . As she was leaving , Father came in with a bottle of pills and a glass of water . " You can take this for pain if you want . . . two tablets should be enough . . . if not , two more in four hours . " Father looked away for a second and debated what to say , then sighed and slowly turned back to him . He grabbed Vincent 's shoulders and gently shook them . " Until you do , you and Catherine will never move forward in your relationship . " Vincent shrugged . " Perhaps it 's for the best . . . perhaps deep down I always knew there could be no future for us . . . that because of who I am . . . what I am . . . I would be holding her back . . . perhaps , Father , that 's why we 've never … Vincent lowered his head and stopped talking . " Never ? ! " Father frowned again and took a deep breath before he began . " Well . . . Vincent , I have to admit that the prospect of you having a . . . physical relationship with someone is . . . worrisome ? I . . . worry that while you are . . . well … that you will lose yourself . " Father shook his head disgustedly . " But I hope to God that this is your choice , Vincent ! I hope that you 're not making this choice because of the things that I 've said in the past ; things I made you feel or think ! " " No , Vincent ! Hear me out . I don 't like to , but I always admit my mistakes , and , yes , I believe I was wrong about Catherine in the beginning . I shouldn 't have tried to dissuade you from pursuing a . . . friendship with her . But I have come to love Catherine , like a daughter ; her heart is pure and kind . If there was ever someone worthy of your love , it would be her . " " She once thought she was falling in love with Elliot . Perhaps tonight they will be reminded about how much they once meant to one another . Elliot is a much better choice for her . Compare the two of us side by side , Father . It is I who is unworthy of her love ! " " Father , it 's not just jealousy . They kissed ! " Having disclosed more than he intended to , Vincent shook his head . " I 'd like to be alone . " " No good . . . going wrong way again ! " Mouse complained as he thought quickly , then tapped Jamie 's shoulders . " Mouse run ahead . . . put false wall at the next crossing . . . turn back , see arrow on ground , go right way . " The two friends split up and quickly accomplished their tasks . Catherine frowned when they ran into the wall , but they doubled back and when she saw the arrow of rocks in the dirt , she knew someone was helping her . She kicked the rocks with her feet before Elliot could see them . Catherine shrugged and kept walking , knowing that he would follow her . She came across two more signs left by Jamie and Mouse before she realized where she was . She relaxed as things became more familiar . She decided to take Elliot out the park entrance and started to head that way . She knew there was a sentry post up ahead , so she got a few steps ahead of Elliot and knelt down and pretended to adjust her boot . " I 'm headed to the park , " she whispered into a grate . " Elliot . . . not now . . . please . " Catherine sighed aloud . She knew she couldn 't answer the endless questions that were sure to be running though his mind . Catherine had to lead him through the Abyss and the Whispering Tunnels to get to the park . She hoped the word was out and people weren 't milling around , and luckily she and Elliot made it to the entrance with no incidents . Elliot brought up the kiss on the pier and insisted she had felt something too . Catherine explained to him that there was no possibility of them being together , and Elliot guessed correctly there was someone else in her life . He saw the confirmation in her eyes and sadly walked away . Catherine turned to go back Below to see Vincent . It had taken hours for Elliot and her to walk from the pier to the park , and Catherine grew worried as she made her way to Vincent 's chamber . Vincent hadn 't come to meet her , despite the fact that he must know by now that Elliot was gone . She knew he had killed at least two men , possibly three , and she wondered if he was having a hard time coming to terms with what he 'd done . Mouse and Jamie came around the corner with big smiles on their faces . Catherine continued on and walked into Vincent 's chamber . He was sitting in a chair staring at the floor , and she wondered at his mood . He glanced briefly at her , then looked away . " Vincent . . . " She noticed his bandaged hand and walked over and gently touched it . " You 're hurt . . . " Expecting him to try to explain the shame he felt about the killings , she wondered why he had brought up Elliot . " Yes , in a way . . . " " He can offer you so much . The power to do great good , beauties undreamed of . He can walk beside you in the daylight . " Vincent could feel her confusion . He sighed . " Last night I felt your fear for him , the sorrows you shared , your joy when you knew he was alive , and when death was nearest . . . " He paused briefly , trying to control his feelings . " When he . . . " Catherine sat back guiltily and thought about what words she could use to try to explain all that happened last night . " I 've never felt closer to Elliot than I did last night . I saw so much of what he 's always kept hidden : the boy he once was , the man he could be . " Vincent steeled himself , certain she was about to tell him she had fallen in love with Elliot again . " We almost died together , and when he kissed me . . . just for an instant some small part of me responded and I wished . . . " She hesitated , afraid that if she spoke the truth he would pull away again , but more afraid that he thought she was attracted to Elliot . " And I wished it were . . . " Vincent turned to look at her , unsure if he wanted to hear what she said , but so unwilling and so unable to turn away . " … you . " Vincent 's face didn 't register the shock he felt at her words . He knew she loved him . His mind remembered the times in the past : she had kissed his hands , his chest , his cheek several times , and just recently his lips . She had even told him that she welcomed his touch . Catherine continued to look at him . In her eyes , he could clearly see the love and desire she felt . He briefly shook his head in denial , and when he looked away again , she decided to leave him alone with his thoughts . She turned to leave , but desperately wanting her to stay , Vincent grasped her arm and held it gently . " Catherine . . . " He looked up at her uncertainly , knowing what he wanted , but not quite knowing how to go about taking it . He slowly allowed his insecurities to wash over him , then sighed in resignation and released her arm as he looked away again . His heart beat wildly as she stood in front of him . She moved to stand between his legs and patiently waited for him to look up at her . He finally looked up at her , his eyes filled with torment . She slowly bent over and placed her forehead against his . She felt his unease and quickly rushed to reassure him . " Shhhh , it 's all right . Don 't you know by now how much I love you ? " Catherine had moved her nose caressingly against his as her hand came up at the same time to cradle his cheek . She slowly lowered her mouth to within inches of his , allowing him a chance to escape . When he didn 't move , she gently placed her lips on his . Her hand fell from his cheek to rest on his chest , and she could feel his heart beating wildly against her palm . She waited a few seconds , then withdrew from him and looked into his eyes . He wore the same expression as earlier , but he was no longer protesting her advances , and she repeated the kiss . Encouraged by the fact that he hadn 't pulled away , she allowed her hand to slip around the back of his neck and under his hair as she held his head in place . She slowly ran her tongue over his lips and explored the cleft of his upper lip . He gasped and drew back from her . Catherine looked at him pleadingly . " Vincent . . . please ? ! " He stared at her , realizing that not only did he not have the strength to push her away , he didn 't want to stop . He wanted to feel her lips upon his again . Catherine saw the fear in his eyes , but she also saw the desire . He looked at her , a question clearly in his eyes . Catherine nodded and waited for him . He reached around her waist and drew her close . Catherine sat down on his lap , but leaned slightly away , wanting him to make the move forward again . Vincent expelled a deep ragged breath before he mirrored her earlier action . He brought his hand to her cheek and gently pulled her forward as she sighed and melted against him . She waited until he seemed comfortable then gently deepened the kiss . She slowly pushed with her tongue against his lips , prompting him to open his mouth . She caressed him soothingly as he became accustomed to the new sensation . She ran her tongue into the recesses of his mouth . Vincent tentatively reached out and touched her tongue with his own . An explosion of feelings could be felt through the bond . Catherine moaned and continued to lead him through this strange new world . Soon enough , she felt the evidence of his desire underneath her leg . Vincent gasped and pushed her gently to her feet . Filled with shame , he looked at the floor as he shook his head . " I 'm sorry , Catherine . " Catherine reached for his chin and lifted his face up so she could look him in the eyes . " Sorry for what ? Desiring me ? I 'm not sorry , Vincent . I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way about you . " Catherine glanced down at her shirt . She could clearly see her nipples protruding through the fabric . She looked at Vincent and watched as he followed her gaze . She looked up and smiled ruefully as he looked at her with eyes darkened by desire . Catherine reached for his hand and lifted it against her chest . " I told you before , I 'm not afraid . What we shared just now was beautiful . And . . . . when we decide we 're ready to explore the rest of it . . . it will be just as beautiful . " Vincent closed his eyes . He still had a hard time believing that she felt this way about him , but he was trying desperately to believe in their dream . Catherine noticed his quietness and wanted to give him time to come to terms with all that had happened tonight . " It 's late , Vincent . We 've both been up more than twenty - four hours . Why don 't you rest , and I 'll see you tomorrow . " Catherine wanted him to rest and shook her head . " Vincent , it 's a long way and you 've been hurt . You don 't have to . . . " Vincent stood and led the way into the tunnels . Catherine walked next to him , wondering what he was thinking . She reached out and took his hand as she smiled up at him . He dipped his head shyly as he squeezed her hand gently . Vincent thought of all that had happened tonight . The one thing that played over and over in his mind was Catherine telling him she was choosing him over Elliot . He tried for a false bravado he wasn 't sure he felt . " You 'll have to try to get a hold of Elliot to see if he 's all right . " Catherine nodded . " I 'm sure Elliot is fine , but I 'll try to talk to him tomorrow . " She paused , thinking about their last conversation . " I know he 's bound to be fascinated about how I was able to lead us across the city through underground tunnels . . . " " Mouse said you only needed a small amount of help . " " I wish it could be Above . . . in the sunlight . You deserve that . " He turned and took her hands into his and looked down at them . " Catherine , what 's happened between us . . . I don 't want to go back but . . . are you sure you don 't want to think about a relationship with Elliot ? What happened between you . . . " She sighed loudly , then looked up again . " Should never have happened ! Vincent , I 've never been as ashamed as I am right now . Elliot reached for me and it was . . . so sudden . I never even thought about you feeling him kiss me . If I could take it back I would , but . . . I told you the truth . It was the kind of kiss I wish you and I had shared . " Vincent nodded slightly as Catherine smiled and squeezed his hands lightly . " Well at least there 's one good thing that came out of all of this . " Catherine chuckled . " No , he guessed there was someone else in my life . I told him he was right . He knows it 's too late for us . He was . . . sorry . " Vincent couldn 't stop from voicing his question . " And are you ? Sorry ? " Catherine shook her head . " No ! I could never be sorry for choosing you . " " Your life with Elliot would have taken a much different path . " They stood in front of her threshold . Vincent was still unsure about what happened between them earlier in his chamber . Catherine felt his uncertainty and gave him the usual hug goodnight . As she began to back away , Vincent squeezed her hand gently . Catherine stopped and looked up at him . Vincent gently lowered his face to hers . Their foreheads touched as he stopped and gathered his courage . " Goodnight , Catherine . " " Goodnight , Vincent . " Catherine turned her head slightly as Vincent slowly lowered his mouth to hers . She sighed and moved her arms around his neck and waited for him to deepen the kiss . When he didn 't move as quickly as she would have liked , she became impatient and deepened it herself . She felt a moan rumble through him and inwardly smiled that he was as affected by all of this as she . Her eyes darkened with desire she smiled up at him . " Thank you , Vincent . " She proceeded when a look of confusion settled on his face . " For sharing that part of yourself with me . " Catherine squeezed his arm gently as she interrupted him . " No ! Don 't say it , Vincent ! " She shook her head in frustration as she grappled with the words to explain how she felt . " I am not some untouchable goddess who needs to be worshiped . There is no honor when you make love to someone . There is only love . . . our love . When we finally come together , I want it to be on equal terms . I 'm not allowing you to make love to me . . . I 'm sharing with you one of the greatest acts a man and woman can have together . Our love will guide us , and as a couple we will be stronger . If it 's even possible . . . we may strengthen our bond even more . " Father scowled . " Damn it ! I just repaired a huge gash in your hand ! Can 't you sit still long enough to let something heal properly ? ! " Father turned Vincent 's hand palm side up and looked at the bandage . He saw a slight line of pink where the wound was and frowned . Vincent chuckled . " See , its fine . " At Father 's angry frown , Vincent shrugged indifferently . " I wasn 't walking about . . . I walked Catherine home . " Catherine walked into work to find she was going to be questioned by the CIA agents about Stanley Kazmareck 's disappearance . She was surprised it was Elliot who arranged the meeting and came to help her out of the mess . His threats to expose the death squads in New York The agents left , but on the way out , one of them related to Elliot the bad news . No bodies were found from the helicopter wreckage . Elliot sat back on the edge of the table and tried to maintain his composure , but after they left and it was only Catherine and he in the room , he broke down and cried . Catherine came and took him in her arms and comforted him as best as she could . Catherine chewed her lip thoughtfully . " Elliot . . . I … remember some pretty long nights when I just sat and cried . I know how good it felt to held and loved by someone . If you need to . . . talk to someone . . . if you need a friend … I 'll be there for you . I owe you that much . " " No ! " Catherine looked at him angrily . " I 'll be there for you because inside of you , somewhere , is a really great man , and I 'd like to consider that man my friend . " " I love you , Cathy . I always will . If it doesn 't work out for you . . . call me . " Elliot smiled and kissed her cheek . Catherine smiled and shook her head . " That won 't happen , Elliot . Find someone else . " It was a white lie , but Catherine really hadn 't been involved with his physical removal from the hospital . Joe frowned as he shook his head . " Sorry , I just . . . I left some new files on your desk . " " Catherine . . . " Vincent said as they embraced . " I spoke to Elliot today . . . " Vincent lowered his head as Catherine continued . " He got word that there was no bodies recovered in the helicopter wreckage . " " Father will be relieved . " Vincent shook his head in disbelief . " Once I thought I could never understand this man . . . now . . . I understand him all too well . He has his own kind of nobility . " " How doesn 't matter , Vincent . They do . It 's life . " Catherine glanced at the rose bush behind him and noticed that the buds had bloomed into flowers . " Look ! " Vincent turned around and saw that the bush had in fact bloomed with a mixture of red and white roses . He felt Catherine 's arm go around him , and he hugged her to his chest as they gazed on at the bush . Catherine smiled up at him . " See . . . nature says they don 't belong together , but fate stepped in , and now look how beautifully their doing together . " Catherine looked into his eyes and turned her head slightly as she opened her mouth . Vincent knew she was offering herself up for a kiss , and he bent his head low and kissed her . They were both breathing heavily when he finally pulled away . Catherine recovered first . " How . . . how 's your hand ? " She disappeared inside before he could answer and was back out within a few minutes . They busied themselves bringing the food out she had brought home . Catherine took what she wanted , and Vincent ate the small portions of her leftover salad and lasagna . The garlic bread was oozing with butter , and they each ate several slices as they talked about all that had happened that day . She walked out and smiled when she saw Vincent 's back to her . He was cupping his hand over his mouth and smelling his breath . " I don 't have any dessert but this might do . " Vincent 's eyes darkened with passion as he took the chocolate and popped it into his mouth . He turned to face the city as he felt the minty freshness melting in his mouth . " It 's good . " Vincent lowered his head , and the kiss quickly turned into a passionate one that was spiraling out of control . Vincent backed away and turned from her . " I . . . should go . " |
Mrs . Kelly visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband 's libido . " What about trying Viagra ? " asked the doctor . " Not a chance . " , she said . " He won 't even take an aspirin . " " Not a problem , " replied the doctor . " Give him an ' Irish Viagra ' . You simply drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee when he is not looking . He won 't even taste it . Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went . " It wasn 't a week later when she called the doctor , who directly inquired as to her progress . The poor dear exclaimed , " Oh , faith , bejaysus and begorrah ! T ' was horrid ! Just terrible , doctor ! " " Really ? What happened ? " asked the doctor . " Well , I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate . He jumped straight up , with a twinkle in his eye and with one swoop of his arm , he sent me cups and tablecloth a flying , ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop ! It was a nightmare , I tell you , an absolute nightmare ! " " Why so terrible ? Wasn 't that what you wanted ? " asked the doctor . " ' Twas the best I 've had in 25 years ! But sure as I 'm sittin ' here , I 'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again ! " Mrs . O ' Shea was taking a nap on Valentine 's Day afternoon . After she awoke , she told her husband , " I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine 's Day ! What do you think it means ? " " You 'll know tonight , " he said . That evening , Mr . O ' Shea came home with a small package for her . Thrilled , she opened it and found a book titled " The Meaning of Dreams . " Murphy asked his friend , Paddy , whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine 's Day . " Yes , " answered Paddy , " I 've bought her a belt and a bag . " This surprised Murphy because Paddy was known to be an inconsiderate husband . " That was very thoughtful of you , " said Murphy , " I hope she appreciates the thought . " Paddy smiled as he replied , " So do I , and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now . Paddy Reilly is 32 years old and single . One day his friend Rory asked , " Why aren 't you married ? Can 't you find a woman who will be a good wife ? " Paddy replied , " Right , I 've found many women I wanted to marry , but when I bring them home to meet my parents , my mother doesn 't like them . " Rory thinks for a moment and says , " I 've got the perfect solution . Just find a girl who 's exactly like your mother . " A few months later they meet again and Rory asks , " Did you find the perfect girl ? Did your mother like her ? " With a frown on his face , Paddy answers , " Yes , I found the perfect girl . She was exactly like my mother and you were right , my mother liked her very much . " " Then what 's the problem ? " Asked Rory . Paddy replied , " My father doesn 't like her . " At breakfast , Paddy asks his wife , " What would you do if I won the Lotto ? " " I 'd take half the money and leave you , " she replies . " Great ! " Says Paddy , " Here 's $ 6 . I won $ 12 yesterday ! Stay in touch . " At the Irish wedding reception the D . J . yelled , " Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living . " The bartender was almost crushed to death . Last night Murphy was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife 's voice from the kitchen . " What would you like for dinner , my love ? Chicken , Beef or Lamb ? " Murphy said , " Thank you , dear . I think I 'll have chicken . " Mrs . Murphy replied , " You 're having soup , you lazy slug . I was talking to the cat ! " Danny Quinn told his girlfriend that all he wanted for Valentine 's Day was an Xbox . That 's it . Beginning and end of list : Xbox . Do you know what she got Danny ? A homemade frame with a picture of them from their first date together . This was fine with Danny because he got her an Xbox . O ' Malley 's doctor sighed and looked him in the eye and said , " I 've some bad news for you . You have advanced cancer and it can 't be cured . You 'd best put your affairs in order . " O ' Malley was shocked and saddened , though of solid character , he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor 's office into the waiting room . To his son who had been waiting , O ' Malley said , " Well son , we Irish celebrate when things are good , and we celebrate when things don 't go so well . In this case , things aren 't so well . I have cancer and my time is short . Let 's head for the pub and lift a pint or two . " After a few pints , the two were feeling a little less somber . There were some laughs and more beers . They were eventually approached by some of O ' Malley 's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating . O ' Malley reminded them that we Irish celebrate both the good and the bad . He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end . He told his friends , " I have been diagnosed with AIDS . " The friends gave O ' Malley their condolences and they had a couple more beers . After his friends left , O ' Malley 's son whispered his confusion . " Why did you tell your friends that you were dying from AIDS ! " O ' Malley replied , " Aye , that I did because I don 't want any of them filthy eejits fooling around with your mother after I 'm gone . " Paddy is sipping a drink at the pub when Mick sits down beside him . " Paddy , " asks Mick , " is it true that you are theThe parrot looked at him and exclaimed , " Yo Murphy ! How the hell are you ? " Sullivan and his wife are in bed when he slides his hand slowly across her shoulders , across her waist , under her neck , under her back and suddenly stops . Mrs . Sullivan purrs in a romantic voice , " Why did you stop ? " Sullivan whispers back , " I found the remote . " Mick Gallagher wakes up at home with a huge hangover . He forces himself to open his eyes , and the first thing he sees are a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the bedside table . He sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him , all clean and ironed . He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order . He takes the aspirins and sees a note on the table which says " Breakfast is on the stove , dear . I left early to go shopping . Love you ! " He goes to the kitchen and sure enough , there 's a hot breakfast waiting for him . His son is sitting at the table , eating breakfast so Mick asks , " Son , what happened last night ? " His son replies , " Well , mom said you came home after 3 am , you stumbled in the door , threw up in the hallway , and passed out half - way up the stairs . " Confused , Mick asks , " So , why is everything in order and so clean , and breakfast is on the table waiting for me ? " His son replies , " Oh , that ! Mom dragged you to the bedroom , and when she tried to take your trousers off , you yelled , " Leave me alone woman , I 'm a married man . " Danny O ' Meara got home from the golf course today , and found a note his wife had left for him on the refrigerator door . IT ' S NOT WORKING . I CAN ' T TAKE IT ANYMORE . GONE TO STAY WITH MY SISTER . Danny opened the fridge . The light came on . The beer was cold . What the heck is she talking about ? Maureen O ' Malley tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time . " How wonderful ! I hope you don 't mind me asking , what happened to your first husband ? " " Sean ate poisonous mushrooms and died . " " Oh , how tragic ! What about your second husband ? " " Mick also ate poisonous mushrooms and died . " " Oh , how terrible ! I 'm almost afraid to ask you , but what about your third husband . " " That would be dear Paddy , he died of a broken neck . " " A broken neck ? " " He wouldn 't eat the mushrooms . " Séamus , and Mary were asleep like two innocent babies . Suddenly , at 3 o ' clock in the morning , a loud noise came from outside . The woman jumped up from the bed and yelled " That must be my husband ! " So Séamus ran out of the bed ; and jumped out the window . He smashed himself on the ground , ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go . A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed Mary , " I AM your husband ! " Mary yelled back , " I know ! Why did you run ? " Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows . She whispers , " Thirty Euros for a good time . " Paddy had never been with a lady of the evening before , but decides why not , it 's only thirty Euros . Besides , his wife is out of town visiting her mother . So they hid in the bushes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them . It is the Garda . " And what might you be doing here ? " asks the cop . " I 'm making love to me wife , " answers Paddy sounding annoyed . " Oh , I 'm sorry , " says the cop , " I didn 't know . " " Well , neidder did I , til ya shined that light in her face . " Malone 's wife told him that he was immature and needed to grow up . Guess who 's not allowed in the tree house anymore . Sean calls the Irish Helpline Center and hears , " Hello , my name is Paddy . How Molly Flynn calls the hotel 's reception desk and says , " Please send someone over right away , I 'm having argument with my husband and he 's threatening to jump out the window . " The manager replies , " I 'm sorry ma ' am , but we cannot intervene , this seems to be a personal issue . " " Listen to me , " yells Molly , " this is a maintenance issue ; I can 't get the window open ! " A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant . " Did you smell that food ? " she asked . " Incredible ! " Being a kind hearted Scot , he thought , " What the heck , I 'll treat her ! " So , they walked past it again . Duffy and his wife were sitting at home when he said , " Honey , just so you know , I never want to be kept alive in a vegetative state , dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle . If that ever happens , just pull the plug . " So Duffy 's wife got up , pulled the plug on the TV and threw out all of his beer . Much to the exasperation of his wife , Flaherty staggers home drunk every night . One night , she disguises herself as a red devil and hides in the cemetery that Flaherty cuts through on his way home . As Flaherty stumbles past a large headstone his wife jumps up yelling , " Flaherty , if you don 't give up your drinking , you will go to Hell . " Flaherty staggers back and demands , " Who the hell are you ? " She shouts , " I 'm the devil , you old fool ! " Flaherty responds , " Damn glad to meet you , sir . I 'm married to your sister . " Murphy and his wife were Christmas shopping at the mall , and the place was packed . As Mrs . Murphy walked through the mall , she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around . She was quite upset because they had a lot to do so she called his cell phone to find out where he was . In a quiet voice Murphy said " Honey , do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford ? Remember that I told you that I wouldget it for you one day ? " Mrs . Murphy choked up and started to cry and said , " Yes , I remember that jewelry store . " Murphy replied , " WeSaturday morning Paddy got up early , quietly dressed , packed his lunch , and slipped into the garage where he hooked up his boat up and pulled out into a torrential downpour . The wind was blowing 50 mph , so Paddy pulled back into the garage , turned on the radio , and discovered that the weather would be bad all day . So Paddy went back into the house , quietly undressed , and slipped back into bed , cuddling up to his wife 's back . Now with a different anticipation Paddy whispered , " The weather out there is terrible . " Paddy 's loving wife replied , " And , can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that ? " Attending a wedding for the first time , little Mary Kate whispered to her mother , " Why is the bride dressed in white ? " " Because white is the color of happiness , and today is the happiest day of her life . " Mary Kate thought about this for a moment , then asked , " So why is the groom wearing black ? " Mrs . O ' Malley went into the pharmacy , walked up to the pharmacist , looked straight in his eyes , and said , " I would like to buy some cyanide . " Muldoon , the pharmacist , asked , " Why in the world do you need cyanide ? " Mrs . O ' Malley replied , " I need it to poison my husband . " Muldoon 's eyes got big and he exclaimed , " Lord have mercy ! I can 't give you cyanide to kill your husband . That 's against the law ! I 'll lose my license ! They 'll throw both of us in jail ! All kinds of bad things will happen . Absolutely not ! You CANNOT have any cyanide ! " Mrs . O ' Malley reached into her purse and pulledout a photo of her husband together with the pharmacist 's wife in a very compromising situation . Muldoon the pharmacist took one look at the picture and replied , " Well now , that 's different . You didn 't tell me you had a prescription . " Sullivan and his wife entered the dentist 's office . Sullivan demanded , " I want a tooth pulled . We are in a big hurry to get to the pub , so don 't fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff . " " You are a very brave man , " remarked the dentist , which tooth is it ? " Sullivan turned to his wife and said , " Open your mouth , woman . Show him your bad tooth . " Casey complained to his doctor that he could no longer do as much around the house . Casey explained that he didn 't seem to have the energy for the chores and projects on his wife 's list , and she was none too happy with him . The doctor gave Casey a thorough examination and a battery of tests and when they were finished he said : " OK , doc , I can take it . Tell me in plain English , what 's wrong with me ? " " Well , " said the doctor , " in plain English , you 're just bone lazy . " " OK , I can live with that , " said Casey " but give me the medical term so I can tell my wife . " Kelly 's wife left a note on the fridge … " It 's not working , I can 't take it anymore ! I 've gone to stay with my parents . " Kelly opened the fridge , the light came on and the beer was cold , so he 's still not sure what she was talking about . Sean and Mary arrived home from the hospital with their infant baby when Mary suggested that Sean should try his hand at changing diapers . " I 'm busy , " said Sean . " I 'll do the next one . " The next time came around and Mary asked again . Sean narrowed his eyes as he looked at his young wife . " I didn 't mean the next diaper . I meant the next baby . " Paddy and Mary were having dinner one evening at a very fine restaurant in Dublin whenthis absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table and gives Paddy a big kiss . After the kiss she says she 'll see him later and walks away . Mary glares at Paddy and says , " Who was that ! ? " " Oh , " replies Paddy , " she 's my mistress . " " Well , that 's the last straw , " says the Mary . " I 've had enough , I want a divorce ! " " I can understand that , " replies Paddy , " but remember , if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club . But the decision is yours . " Just then , a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm . " Who 's that woman with Mick ? " asks Mary . " That 's his mistress , " says Paddy . " She looks like a tramp , our mistress is prettier , " she replies . Sean and his wife Marykate went to the state fair every year . Every year Sean would say , " Marykate , I 'd like to ride in that airplane . " And every year Marykate would say , " I know Sean , but that airplane ride costs ten dollars , and ten dollars is ten dollars . " Finally one year Sean and Marykate went to the fair and Sean said , " Marykate , I 'm 71 years old . If I don 't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance . " Marykate replied , " Sean that airplane ride costs ten dollars , and ten dollars is ten dollars . " The pilot overheard them and said , " Folks , I 'll make you a deal . I 'll take you both up for a ride . If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word , I won 't charge you , but if you say one word it 's ten dollars . " The couple agreed and up they go . The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns , rolls and dives , but not a word is heard . He does all his tricks over again , but still not a word . They land and the pilot turns to Sean , " By golly , I did everything could think of to get you to yell out , but you didn 't . " Sean replied , " Well , I was gonna say something when Marykate fell out , but you know ten dollars is tPaddy walks into a pub and in quick succession orders and drinks several glasses of whiskey . " What 's the matter ? " the bartender asks . " My wife and I got into a terrible fight , " explained Paddy " and now she is giving me 30 days of the silent treatment . " The bartender thought about this for a moment and asked , " But , isn 't it a good thing that she isn 't talking to you ? " " Sure " muttered Paddy , " except today is the last night . " It 's Saint Patrick 's day and an armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash . On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber 's face . Without hesitation the robber shoots the guy dead ! The robber then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him . One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also . Everyone by now is terrified and looking down at the floor . " Did anyone else see my face ? " screams the robber . There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent , looking down , tentatively raises his hand and says , " I think me wife may have caught a glimpse . " After just a few years of marriage filled with constant bickering , Mr . and Mrs . O ' Grady decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling . When they arrived at the counselor 's office , the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion . " What seems to be the problem ? " Immediately , the husband held his long face down without anything to say . In contrast , the wife began talking 90 miles an hour , describing all the wrongs within their marriage . After 15 minutes of listening to the wife , the counselor went over to her , picked her up by her shoulders , kissed her passionately and sat her back down . Afterwards , the wife sat speechless . The marriage counselor looked over at the husband , who stared in disbelief . The counselor said to O ' Grady , " Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week ! " O ' Grady scratched his head and replied , " Right , I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays . " Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their domestic duties . The first man had married a woman from Italy and boasted that he had told his wife she was to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done . He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away . The second man had married a woman from France . He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning , all the dishes , and the cooking . He told them that the first day he didn 't see any results , but the next day it was better . By the third day , his house was clean , the dishes were done , and he had a delicious dinner on the table . The third man had married an Irish girl . He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned , the dishes washed , the cooking done and the laundry washed . And this was all entirely her responsibility . He said the first day he didn 't see anything and the second day he didn 't see anything , but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye ! Mary Kelly goes up to Father O ' Grady after his Sunday morning service , and she 's in tears . He asks , " So what 's bothering you , Mary my dear ? " She says , " Oh , Father , I 've got terrible news . Me husband passed away last night . " Father O ' Grady replies , " Oh , Mary , that 's terrible . Tell me , Mary , did he have any last requests ? " She says , " Ah , he did indeed , Father . " The priest tenderly inquired , " What did he ask , Mary ? " She replies , " He said , ' Please Mary , put down that damn gun ! ' " O ' Malley is an extremely wealthy 60 year old gentleman . One day he strolls into the clubhouse with a hot young blond on his arm , this girl has the looks of a " super model " . After a while the young blond excuses herself to freshen up and O ' Malley walks over to the bar where his curious friends are waiting . One friend asks , " How did you get such a great looking girl - friend ? " O ' Malley proudly replies , " She is not my girl friend , we just got married , she is my wife . " Another friend questions , " Your wife ? " Did you lie about your age and tell her that you are only 40 ? " " It 's true , " says O ' Malley , " I did lie about my age , but I didn 't tell her that I was 40 , I told her that I was 80 . " Old Paddy Murphy was laying on his death bed , his loving wife Bridget and his four sons were at his side . Three of Paddy 's sons were large strappinglads but the fourth was a puny runt . With his last breath , he asked Bridget , " The small boy , is he really mine ? Am I truly his father ? " Bridget lovingly responded , " Yes my dear , you are his father . " With that , Paddy died peacefully and Bridget thanked God that Paddy did not ask about the other three boys . One night Doolan , a proud father , hears his little son Paddy saying his prayers . " God bless Mammy , Daddy and granddad , goodbye granny . " The father thinks this is very odd , but dismisses it and goes to bed . The next morning the father finds out that granny died peacefully in her sleep . " That boy of mine must be psychic , " thinks Doolan , but eventually his better judgment takes over and he puts it down to coincidence . Then a few weeks later he overhears Paddy again , " God bless Mammy and Daddy and goodbye granddad . " Sure enough , that night the old man passed away . Doolan does not know what to think about his son 's ability , but before he can give it too much thought he hears his son 's bedtime prayers again . " God bless Mammy and goodbye Daddy . " Now Doolan is terrified , he does not sleep a wink all night and takes every precaution throughout the day . " That night he arrives home from work a nervousKatie Gallagher 's father : " Do you think that you could support my daughter if you married her ? " Young Danaher : " Yes , sir . " Katie 's father : " Have you seen her eat ? " Danaher : " Sure and I have . " Katie 's father : " Have you seen her eat when there 's nobody looking ? " Mary - Kate shuffled into the church supporting O ' Toole , the inebriated groom - to - be . They were standing at the altar when Father Murphy approached and said that the man was drunk and that he would not perform the ceremony . " Take him away from here , " said the priest , " and bring him back when he 's sober . " But Father ! " cried Mary - Kate , " he won 't come when he is sober . " Doolan , an Irish farmer from a remote area of County Cork , and his family were visiting Dublin for the first time . Doolan , who had never before been inside a high rise office building let alone seen an elevator , was standing in the lobby with his son where they noticed a row of shiny metal doors built into the wall . An overweight middle aged woman approached one of the shiny doors and pushed a button on the wall . The doors opened , the woman stepped inside and the doors closed . Doolan and his son watched the numbers above the doors light up one by one until the light reached the top number , then they watched the numbers illuminate in the reverse order until the light reached the number one . The shiny doors opened and out walked a beautiful young woman . Doolan turned to his son and whispered , " Quick , get your mother . " This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he 's fallen in love and going to get married . He says : " Just for fun , Ma , I 'm going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I 'm going to marry . " The mother agrees so the next day he brings along three beautiful women and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while . He then says : " Right , OK Ma , guess which one I 'm going to marry . " She immediately replies , " The one in the middle . " " That 's amazing , Ma . You 're right . How did ye know ? " " I don 't like her . " A Waterford wife was keeping a close eye on her new neighbors . " They seem perfectly devoted to each other , " she told her husband . " He kisses her every time he goes out and even blows kisses to her from the window . Why don 't you do that ? " " Well I could , but I hardly know the woman " Mrs . O ' Brien to Mrs . Flannagan , " My husband is on a strict diet . He 's losing 5 pounds a week . So in a year and a half I 'll be rid of him for good . " Little Sean asked his father , " Dad , where did all of my intelligence come from ? " The father replied . " Well son , you must have got it from your mother , cause I still have mine " Definition of an Irish husband : He hasn 't kissed his wife for twenty years , but he will kill any man who does . Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy , looking as if he 'd just been run over by a train . His arm is in a sling , his nose is broken , his face is cut and bruised and he 's walking with a limp . " What happened to you ? " asks Sean , the bartender . " Jimmy O ' Connor and me had a fight , " says Paddy . " That little fella , O ' Connor ? " says Sean . " He couldn 't do that to you , he must have had something in his hand . " " That he did , " says Paddy , " a shovel is what he had , and a terrible lickin ' he gave me with it . " " Well , " says Sean , " you should have defended yourself . Didn 't you have something in your hand ? " " That I did , " said Paddy . " I was holding Jimmy 's wife , and a thing of beauty she is , but totally useless in a fight . " As a new bride , Aunt Mary moved into the cottage on her husband 's farm near Dublin . She put a fancy box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband to never touch it . For fifty years Uncle Sean left the box alone , until Aunt Mary was old and dying . One day when he was putting their affairs in order , he found the box and thought it might hold something important . Opening the box , he found two dollies and $ 82 , 500 in cash . He took the box to Mary and asked about the contents . " My mother gave me that box the day we married , " she explained . " She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you " . " Uncle Sean was touched that in 50 years she 'd only been mad at him twice as there were only two dollies in the box . " What about the $ 82 , 500 ? " he asked . " Oh , that would be the money I 've made selling the doilies . " The teacher wrote to Paddy 's mother and said , " Paddy is a bright boy , but he seems to spend all his time thinking about girls . " Paddy 's mother wrote back , " If you find a cure , let me know . I 'm having the same trouble with his father . " Mr . & Mrs . O ' Shea were celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary in their small village in County Kerry . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town . " What a peaceful & loving couple . " A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage . " Well , it dates back to our honeymoon in America , " explained Mr . O ' Shea . " We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse . We hadn 't gone too far when my wife 's horse stumbled and she almost fell off . My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said , " That 's one . " We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again , this time causing her to drop her water . Once more my wife quietly said , " That 's two . " We hadn 't gone a half - mile when the horse stumbled for a third time . My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead . I shouted at her , " What 's wrong with you , Mary Kate ? Why did you shoot the poor animal like that ? Are you crazy ? ? " She looked at me , and quietly said , " That 's one . " " And from that moment we have lived happily ever after " . Flanagan went to his fiancées home to have a serious talk with her father . Flanagan said , " Sir , I 'd like to marry your daughter . " The father asked , " Have you seen my wife yet ? " " Sure , and she is a fine woman , " said Flanagan , " but if you don 't mind , I would still prefer your daughter . " O ' Malley left work one Friday afternoon . But it was payday , so instead of going home , he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck . When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night , he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions . Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him , " How would you like it if you didn 't see me for two or three days ? " He replied , " That would be fine with me . " Monday went by and he didn 't see his wife . Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results . But on Thursday , the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye . On their way to get married , a young Irish couple is involved in a fatal car accident . The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St . Patrick to process them into Heaven . While waiting , they begin to wonder if they could get married in Heaven . When St . Patrick shows up , they asked him and he says he didn 't know but would find out . The couple sat and waited for an answer . . . . . for a couple of months . While they waited , they discussed IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven , SHOULD they get married ? The eternal aspect begins to bother them . What if it doesn 't work ? Does that mean we are stuck with each other forever ? After yet another month , St . Patrick finally returns looking somewhat bedraggled . " Yes , " he informs the couple , " you CAN get married in Heaven . " " Great ! " said the couple , " But we were just wondering , what if things don 't work out ? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven ? " St . Patrick , red - faced with anger , slams his clipboard onto the ground . " OH , COME ON ! " St . Patrick shouts , " It took me three months to find a priest up here ! Do you have ANY idea how long it 'll take me to find a lawyer ! " Murphy tells the psychiatrist , " Doc , my wife treats me like a dog ! " " Well relax on the couch , " said the doctor , " and tell me about it . " " But doc , " Murphy replied , " I 'm not allowed on the couch ! " Kennedy : My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ' til two o ' clock in the morning . I can 't break her of it . Finnegin : What on earth is she doin ' at that time ? Kennedy : Waitin ' for me to come home . Dr . O ' Malley after examining Mr . Murphy , took the wife aside , and said , " I don 't like the looks of your husband at all " . " Me neither doc , " said Mrs . Murphy . " But he 's got a great job and he 's really good with the kids . " Casey sat in Mary - Kate 's parlor and began proposing . " I 'm not a wealthy man , " he told her . " But I will be soon . I 've got a very rich uncle and I 'm his only heir . He 's a real old man and so ill that he can 't live more that a few months . " A few days later Mary - Kate became Casey 's aunt . Paddy calls home to his wife and says , " Honey , I have been asked to fly to England with my boss and several of his friends for a fishing trip . We 'll be gone for a long weekend . This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I 've been wanting , so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend . And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ? We 're leaving at 4 : 30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up . . ' Oh ! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas . " The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd , but , being the good wife , she does exactly what her husband asked . Following the long weekend he came home a little tired , but , otherwise , looking good . The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish ? Paddy says , ' Yes ! Lots of salmon and some trout . But why didn 't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do ? The wife replies , " I did , they 're in your tackle box " . Mary O ' Brien awakes during the night to find that her husband Mick was not in their bed . She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him . She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him . Mick appears deep in thought , just staring at the wall . She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee . " What 's the matter , dear ? " she whispers as she steps into the room , " Why are you down here at this time of night ? " " Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16 ? " he asks solemnly . The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive . " Yes , I do " she replies . The husband pauses . The words are not coming easily . " Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car ? " " Yes , I remember " says the wife , lowering herself into a chair beside him . The husband continues . . . " Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said , " Either you marry my daughter , or I will send you to jail for 20 years ? ' " " I remember that too " she replies softly . He wipes another tear from his cheek and says . . . " I would have gotten out today . " Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan . The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl 's house night after night , much to the annoyance of old man Phelan . One night he couldn 't take any more . Standing at the top of the stairs , he yelled down , " What 's that young fella doin ' here all hours of the night ? " " Why , Dad , " said Frances , " Michael was just telling me everything that 's in his heart ! " " Well , next time , " roared Phelan , " just let him tell you what 's in his head , and it won 't take half as long ! " Bob received a free ticket to the Super bowl from his company . Unfortunately , when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium . He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field ! About halfway through the first quarter , Bob noticed an empty seat , 10 rows up from the field right on the 50 - yard line . He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat . As he sat down , he asked the gentleman sitting next to him , " Excuse me , is anyone sitting here ? " The man said " No . " Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game , Bob said to the man next to him , " This is incredible ! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super bowl and not use it ? ! " The man replied , " Well , actually , the seat belongs to me . I was supposed to come with my wife , but Mrs . Murphy passed away . This is the first Super bowl we haven 't been to together since we got married in 1967 . " " That 's really sad , " said Bob , " But couldn 't you find someone to take the seat , a relative or a close friend ? " " No , " Mr . Murphy replied , " They 're all at the funeral . " Paddy asked his wife , " What would you be wanting for Valentine 's Day ? ' She answered , " Anything with diamonds ! " So Paddy bought her a deck of cards . Years ago , during the ' troubles ' , the IRA had an opening for an assassin . After all the background checks , interviews and testing were done , there were 3 finalists ; Paddy , Mick & Kathleen . For the final test , the IRA men lead Paddy to a large metal door and handed him a gun . ' We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances . Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . kill her ! ! ' Paddy said , ' You can 't be serious . I could never shoot my wife . ' The agent said , ' Then you 're not the right man for this job . Take your wife and go home . ' Mick was given the same instructions . He took the gun and went into the room . All was quiet for about 5 minutes until Mick came out with tears in his eyes , ' I tried , but I can 't kill my wife . ' The agent said , ' You don 't have what it takes . Take your wife and go home . ' Finally , it was Kathleen 's turn . She was given the instructions , kill her husband . She took the gun and went into the room . Shots were heard , one after another , then screaming , crashing and banging on the walls . After a few minutes , all was quiet . The door opened slowly and there stood Kathleen , wiping the sweat from her brow . ' This gun is loaded with blanks " , she said . " I had to beat him to death with the chair . " " Well , Mrs . O ' Connor , so you want a divorce ? " the solicitor questioned his client . " Tell me about it . Do you have a grudge ? " " Oh , no , " replied Mrs . O ' Connor . " Shure now , we have a carport . " The solicitor tried again . " Well , does the man beat you up ? " " No , no , " said Mrs . O ' Connor , looking puzzled . " Oi 'm always first out of bed . " Still hopeful , the solicitor tried once again . " Well , does he go in for unnatural connubial practices ? " " Shure now , he plays the flute , but I don 't think he knows anything about the connubial . " Now desperate , the solicitor pushed on . " What I 'm trying to find out are what grounds you have . " " Bless ye , sor . We live in a flat - - not even a window box , let alone grounds . " " Mrs . O ' Connor , " the solicitor saiPaddy McLaughlin passed away so his devoted wife contacted the local newspaper to place an obituary . The Grieving Widow McLaughlin : " What is your least expensive death notice ? " Newspaper clerk : " Five words for $ 3 . 00 . " The Grieving Widow McLaughlin : " Print , ' Paddy Died . ' " Newspaper clerk : " But you still have three words left . " The Grieving Widow McLaughlin : " Right , add ' Boat for sale . ' " The Clancys were doing well as farmers , they lived well often eating out , went to the theater and so on . Yet , after four years of marriage , they were not very successful being intimate with each other . They eventually consulted a psychiatrist who told them that they were probably too tensed up about the whole business . He told them to relax , to stop worrying about it . He told them to avoid having a routine and to let it be spontaneous whenever and wherever they both had the urge . Some weeks later the psychiatrist was passing the farm and saw Mr . Clancy digging in his field so he stopped and asked him how things had gone . " Great ! Absolutely great ! " said Clancy . " The only trouble is we can never show our faces in the hotel dining - room again . " The Clancys were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party . Just before the party Mrs . Clancy got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone . Clancy , being a devoted husband , protested , but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed , and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going . So he put on his costume and away he went . Mrs . Clancy , after sleeping soundly for one hour , awakened without pain , and as it was still early , she decided to go to the party . In as much as her husband did not know what her costume looked like , she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him . She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor , dancing with every nice looking girl he could . Mrs . Clancy witnessed a little touching here and a little kiss there , so she sidled up to him and being a rather seductive woman herself she soon had his complete attention . She let him go as far as he wished ; naturally , since he was her husband . Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed , so off they went to a vacant room and had a little fun . Just before unmasking at midnight , she slipped away , went home and put the costume away and got into bed , wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior . She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had . Mr . Clancy said , " Oh , the same old thing . You know I never have a good time when you 're not there . " Then she asked , " Did you dance much ? " He replied , " I 'll tell you , I never even danced one dance . When I got there , I met Sean , Mick and some other guys , so we went into the den and played poker all evening . But I 'll tell you . . . the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time ! " Sullivan forgot his wedding anniversary again and he was in trouble with his wife . After many forgotten celebrations , this offense was the last straw . Mrs . Sullivan furiously demanded " Tomorrow morning , I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds or less AND IT BETTER BE THERE ! ! " The next morning Sullivan got up early and left for work . When his wife woke up , she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift - wrapped box in the middle of the driveway . Confused , Mrs . Sullivan put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house . She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale . Sullivan has been missing for over a month . Clancy came home and was greeted by his wife who was dressed in a very sexy negligee . " Tie me up , " she purred , " and you can do anything you want . " So he tied her up and went golfing . The Murphy 's desperately wanted children after many disappointing years they found out that the problem was Mr . Murphy , so they decided to use a proxy father to start their family . On the day the proxy father was to arrive , Mr . Murphy kissed his wife goodbye and said , " I 'm off . The man from the agency should be here soon and I don 't want to hang around " . A few minutes later , just by chance , a door - to - door baby photographer rang the doorbell , hoping to make a sale . " Good morning madam . You don 't know me , but I 've come to . . . . " " Oh , no need to explain . I 've been expecting you , " Mrs . Murphy cut in . " Really ? " the photographer surprisingly asked . " Well , good ! I 've made a specialty of babies . " " That 's what my husband and I had hoped . Please come in and have a seat . Just where do we start ? " asked Mrs . Murphy , blushing . " Leave everything to me . I usually try two in the bathtub , one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed . Sometimes the living room floor is fun too . " " Bathtub , living room floor ? No wonder it didn 't work for Sean and me . " " Well , madam , none of us can guarantee a good one every time . But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles , I 'm sure you 'll be pleased with the results . " " I hope we can get this over with quickly , " gasped Mrs . Murphy . " Madam , in my line of work , a man must take his time . I 'd love to be in and out in five minutes , but you 'd be disappointed with that , I 'm sure . " " Don 't I know ! ! " Mrs . Murphy exclaimed . The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures . " This was done on the top of a bus in downtown Dublin . " " Oh my God ! ! " Mrs . Murphy exclaimed , tugging at her handkerchief . " And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with . " The photographer handed Mrs . Murphy the picture . " The mother was difficult ? " asked Mrs . Murphy . " Yes , I 'm afraid so , I finally had to take her to the grounds of Trinity College to get the job done right . People were crowding around four anFlannery was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery , and his wife was sitting by his side . His eyes fluttered open and he said , ' You 're beautiful . ' Then he fell asleep again . His wife had never heard him say that before , so she stayed by his side . A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said , ' You 're cute . ' Mrs . Flannery was disappointed because instead of ' beautiful , ' it was now ' cute . ' She asked , ' What happened to beautiful ? ' Flannery replied , ' The drugs are wearing off . ' A bad guy enters a bank in Dublin and tells the teller to hand over the cash and then shoots him dead on the spot . About then Flannery , a bit tipsy after a spell in the pub , and his wife of 40 years walk into the bank . The bad guy says to Flannery " Did you see what I just did ? ? " Flannery stutters . " N - N - N - NO , B - BUT M - MY WIFE DID ! ! ! " Murphy was very ill and on the verge of dying . The doctor called Murphy 's wife aside and said , " There are three things that you can do to nurse your husband back to health . If you follow these instructions , I believe that he will survive . " Mrs . Murphy asked " What are these three things which I must do ? " The Doctor responded " One : You must make him three huge meals every day . Two : You must never argue with him . And Three : Make love to him every night . " " I understand . " said Mrs . Murphy . After the doctor left , Murphy asked what the doctor said about his condition . Mrs . Murphy replied , " You 're going to die . " I 've just heard from McGuire in the north of Ireland . He says it has been snowing heavily for three days now . His wife has done nothing but stare through the window . If it doesn 't stop snowing soon he 'll probably have to let her in . Mrs . Malone came home , screeching her car into the driveway , and ran into the house . She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs , " Sean , pack your bags . I just won the lottery ! " Sean said , " That 's brilliant ! How should I pack , for the beach or for the country ? " " It doesn 't matter , " she said . " Just pack your bags and get out ! " Mrs . Flynn was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband . Suddenly , Mr . Flynn burst into the kitchen . " Careful now , " he said , " CAREFUL ! Put in some more butter ! Oh my GOD ! You 're cooking too many at once . TOO MANY ! Turn them ! TURN THEM NOW ! We need more butter . Oh my GOD ! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER ? They 're going to STICK ! Careful . CAREFUL ! I said be CAREFUL ! You NEVER listen to me when you 're cooking ! Never ! Turn them ! Hurry up ! Are you CRAZY ? Have you LOST your mind ? Don 't forget to salt them . You know you always forget to salt them . Use the salt . USE THE SALT ! THE SALT ! " Mrs . Flynn just stared at him , as if he had lost his mind . " What in the world is wrong with you ? You think I don 't know how to fry a couple of eggs ? " Flynn calmly replied , " I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I 'm driving . " SITEMAP LINK The Irish Gift House features an abundance of Irish Gifts for every and any occasion , but we may be best known for our wealth of Claddagh Rings and Celtic Wedding Bands . We are also a market leader serving the strong demand for Celtic crosses providing a vast range that incorporates Celtic cross necklaces and Celtic wall crosses . If you are searching on - line for Belleek along with Irish Jewelry and Celtic Jewelry , you have found the right place as we have a considerable assortment that is proudly made in Ireland . Use this website to browse our selections and to securely place your orders . You may also reach out to us for a friendly phone call by dialing 877 - IRISHGIFTS , ( 877 - 474 - 7444 ) . We are your trusted and family owned store for Irish imports and gifts throughout the United States . Follow us on Twitter , Google + or Facebook to keep up - to - date . You are also welcome to visit and comment on our BlogSpot and you may also read our many five star Google reviews and you may review us too ! |
Despite all of the progress I have made , I am truly just tired of this whole ordeal and feel like throwing in the towel . Not on my life , but this fight all together . Throwing in the towel on being Mrs . Responsible . And I said " Mrs . " because I am married to responsibility without the option of getting a divorce . I just don 't want to try anymore . I don 't want to write this blog anymore . I don 't want to be angry at Anthony anymore . I don 't want to take treatments anymore . I don 't want to go to work or the wash house anymore . I don 't want to get out of bed and make my own alkaline meals anymore . I just want to roam free and live . Let my body and this disease take whatever course it may . I 'm tired of fighting it . I 'm tired of taking all of those herbs and tonics . I 'm tired of doing everything on my own . I 'm tired of paying all of these bills and being so worn out and empty that I can 't find the time or money to enjoy myself with my son . If I am dying , this will be no way to go . I 'm tired of getting nervous every time I have to go to the doctor because I am afraid I am going to receive bad news . I 'm tired of being hurt , deceived , and misunderstood . I 'm tired of fighting . I 'm tired of these mood swings . I 'm tired of undercover faggots ruining people 's lives . I 'm tired of pretending to be happy . I 'm tired of being a great person in a cold world . HIV / AIDS isn 't that harsh of a disease , This is what I have learned . I am just utterly tired . Words can 't begin to explain how I feel . I think I mask my struggles so well that people are really starting to believe that I am so strong that HIV / AIDS doesn 't bother me . I am strong by force , not by choice . I feel like letting nature take its course with the rest of this disease . I don 't even know if I will be able to afford this package next month . Having this disease is not cool . It is very challenging and lonely . It is hard to trust people . People say they will be there for you but as soon as you turn your head , they sneak away , never to be seen again . That is , until THEY NEED SOMETHING AS IF I ' M NOT THE ONE WHO IS DYING ! I made it through my work day and had to play the shrink / therapist for my co - workers as always . If only they knew how deep my own problems are . They wouldn 't be bombarding me with this mess . I woke up early this morning , lit some incense and made my son breakfast . I don 't cook that much anymore since I have become a Sebian . Most of my meals are smoothies or raw . I made one of my son 's favorite breakfast meals , scrambled eggs and bacon . No , he has not crossed over 100 % yet . It was not tempting to make the bacon because I have never liked that . However , the eggs were a bit tempting . I ate one forkful . I admit it . I woke him up for his breakfast then opened up my package from Dr . Sebi and arranged them in the kitchen according to the packing slip . I took my morning dosage and finally decided to try the Bromide Plus Powder since I no longer had a choice . I was fresh out of the capsules . I decided to follow the recipe on the lid to see how it turns out . The recipe reads as follows : Combine agave syrup , cinnamon , fruit , walnuts , vanilla and Bromide Plus Powder in blender . Add boiling water and blend for 3 - 4 minutes . Drink as much as you like . I followed the directions and prepared myself for the awful taste . I was wrong . It was a thick , smooth lava eruption of yumminess ! It smelled good also . I did not add cinnamon because I didn 't have any . And I used mango as my fruit . This warm shake lasted me all day to finish it . My brother also made me a Sebi approved soup later on in the night . I stood in the kitchen with him while he prepared it with his awesome girlfriend . I had already had a mild emotional breakdown in the kitchen . Any time my brother comes in to town I immediately get sad because all I can think about is him leaving . So , I cried for a very short period of time while standing in the kitchen . But I am getting much better at controlling it . I took a few very deep breaths while the tears flowed and was able to stop myself from crying full force . My emotions control everything in my life . Even my health . I drank the soup my brother made but was not physically able to eat my favorite part . My brother makes the best dumplings ever . But I was too emotionally sick to eat . I didn 't want to seem ungrateful , so I forced myself to drink the broth but immediately got sharp pains to my sides and abdomen . He went through all of that trouble for me and I couldn 't even eat . I have a lot on my plate . I don 't even do the laundry as much as I should . If I could just get a few extra dollars to buy a used washer and dryer that would solve a lot of my problems . My son really wanted to spend time with my brother before he leaves in the morning , so I was happy about them being able to spend some time together . I also felt very uncomfortable around his friends and my sister 's boyfriend who was also present . My brother has a habit of telling people who are close to him about my disease and not taking into account whether or not they are close to me . So , ever since I found out that he will disclose my status to people without asking or informing me , I always feel uncomfortable around his people . My sister 's boyfriend is very nice but every time he speaks to me or gets close to me , I feel like I have the cooties . I feel as if he knows my condition and I feel ashamed . I felt the same way about his female friend who was there but she was already gone to the airport at this time . Sundays always suck because you have to prepare for the week to begin . Relaxation time is over . I 'm tired . Both mentally , physically and emotionally . It 's so hard to follow through with certain things at this time . I gave my brother a bag of Guaco to take home with him and drove the hour long journey back to my house . Today is going to be a difficult day . Well , so I thought . My brother who lives in the same city agreed to help me out with my son today while I go to a show with my other brother . We took my son to his photo shoot together which turned out really great and allowed for us to have a chance to bond together . That is very rare between this brother and I . He also played basketball with my son for a while before I went back home . Once , my brother dropped me home , he rushed my son to his Olympic karate training and I went shopping to find something to wear to the show . If you guys have been following my blog you should already know that I hate shopping . So , I just walked through every store , only looking at what was on the mannequins , until I saw something I liked . I purchased the outfit , along with a few accessories and rushed home to get ready . I met up with my brother and his friends and we headed out to the show . This was a new experience for me . I really do not like to go out unless it is in nature or outdoors for the most part . But I had a good time because I was with my brother and we were surrounded by tons of our ( Jamaican ) culture . If I would have known children were allowed , I would have definitely brought my son . That bothered me a lot . I love my son and always feel lost without him . I can 't remember the last time I asked someone to watch him and in eight years I can count on one hand how many times that has been done . Once my brother told me what time he 'd be dropping my son back home , I just dropped everything and left the show . I love my son dearly and he is my number one priority , not having a good time . Not to mention I missed him deeply and felt guilty for not bringing him . I purchased something from the show to bring home to him and left . I knew there would be an issue . That 's why I chose to drive my own car . I believe in independence . It 's better safe than sorry . I didn 't want to be the reason the others had to leave the show early , or the reason I was late getting back to my young king . As soon as I walked out to my brother 's car to greet my little man , I opened the door and he exhaled with his hand on his chest . Then he said , " Mommy , are you alright ? I could feel you worrying about me . I kept feeling pain in my chest every time you worried about me , right over my hear . " I smiled and yanked him out of the car and held him in my arms as my heart melted . My son and I have a very strong super - human connection . We do feel each other when we are apart . I am glad I breastfed . As I held him my brother told me that he kept asking about me and that he was worried . I am blessed and honored to have such a close relationship with such a loving son . As soon as my brother left , we went to the store to get snacks and I decided to have a movie night with my little one . We watched Fuller House on Netflix . I was so tired that I fell asleep on the couch after watching just one episode . I hope I don 't get sick because it was very cold at the show and it rained on and off . I am just happy to be back with my Cuddle Bug . I didn 't feel like taking my treatment today . I only took the Lupulo . I 'll start fresh another day . My brother flew in town and I left work momentarily to pick him up from the airport . Then , I ran to the salon to see if I could get my hair done before my training session but there was someone already in her chair . I rushed back home to get my brother so he could pick up my son from school . My son loves my brother and when I told him he was coming in to town , he asked me if he could pick him up from school . I think he just likes to show him off . Lol . I rushed them back to the house and made sure they ate . Then I rushed back to work to attend my training session . Immediately after the session , I raced over to the salon again . I got my hair finished then rushed home to pick up my son for karate practice . After practice , we drove an hour north , to take my brother somewhere . I was exhausted by the time I got home . This is the story of my life . Bear called me and I cursed him out for playing dumb . I can no longer entertain foolishness no matter how much I like the fool . After practice , I did take my son to the barbershop to get a haircut . Tomorrow is a really big day . There is so much to do . My son has a photo shoot for basketball as well and Olympic Karate training . What I forgot to mention was during karate practice my car was being towed . I have been parking in that spot for two years without incident . One of the parents ran inside to tell me what was going on . I ran outside and asked him why was he towing my vehicle . It is completely paid off . He told me that I couldn 't park in that lot . I asked him since when ? Overall , he just had a really disgusting attitude . I asked him to call the police because I left my phone in my son 's karate practice . I didn 't think his towing was legal . He refused . I didn 't have the energy to fight . Once I told him my son was in karate practice he asked me one of the most disrespectful questions anyone could ask me . He said , " Where 's your baby daddy ? " I fought to restrain myself and told him that " I do not have a ' baby daddy ' . " I hate those words . I was angered to tears and told him to just give me a moment while I walk across the street to the ATM . I just gave up . I am so tired of the human race . And as if taking my money was not enough , he gave me his number and told me to call him and that maybe next time we could meet up on a happier note . I told him to keep his damn number as he lowered my car and I walked back in the building to get my son . I also forgot to mention that I had a moment earlier when I had to take my son to get a haircut . Because I am such an isolated person and I do everything alone , I have no experience in a lot of areas . That becomes most evident a lot of times when I am raising my son . He is growing his hair and I do not know a lot about haircuts . So , I wasn 't really sure about what to get him . All I know is that I wanted him to look sharp for his pictures tomorrow . So , I decided on something and told the barber I was going to run to the ATM to get cash . By the time I came back his hair was finished and I could barely recognize my son . He looked like a teenager . My eyes watered a bit but I pulled myself together . My baby is growing up . I couldn 't stop staring at him and telling him how handsome he was . I gave the barber a generous tip for his cut . He always works with me and helps me to figure out what to do with my son 's hair . My abs are throbbing from the workout last night . But it is a good pain of productivity and progress . No pain . No gain . I decided to flat iron my hair and wear it down today . I 'm tired of struggling to style it . I will get it done tomorrow . The picture above is a photo of all of the products which come in Dr . Sebi 's All Inclusive Therapeutic Package . I laid them out in alphabetical order , but you should already be familiar with its contents from my previous posts . The contents include the following from left to right : I am going to keep it pretty brief today . I still have a bowel movement every morning before I leave the house . The Chelation 2 has become more manageable so I am able to hold it in much longer and I don 't have to rush to the bathroom like I used to . I am out of Green Food Plus , Bromide Capsules and Viento . I still have not even opened the Bromide Plus Powder because I have heard so many things about how horrible it tastes . Plus , it has to be prepared warm . Sounds like work . I haven 't opened the new package yet because I am so not ready for this again . Starting a new package can be overwhelming and requires a lot of preparation . I , mentally , have no space for that right now . I went to the gym to relieve some stress . I went hard today . Extremely ! I noticed that I can run a lot better now . It feels as if I have absolutely no weight on me . I am light as a feather . My stamina has increased a very noticeable amount . I usually run in intervals . I run full speed for two tenths of a mile . Then walk for a tenth of a mile . Then switch back and forth . I was able to run an entire mile without walking . I was not tired or out of breath at all . I even continued to run for my second mile . It felt great . I had no pains in my bones , chest or lungs . I could have ran forever but I had to get to my son 's karate practice . I worked out my abs as well . I felt great afterwards . This was exactly what I needed to de - stress . I used to go to the gym five days a week . Now , I 'm always so down in the dumps that I have to push myself to even make it once . Victory ! Victory ! Oh , sweet victory ! I am back on the food horse . I successfully made it through the day without cheating . I drank two smoothies and snacked on sliced bananas for the first part of my day . In the evening , I made mushroom and chick pea spaghetti with quinoa noodles . I was exhausted , but I challenged myself to eat right for at least one day in order to get the ball back rolling in the right direction again . I have been extremely tired for the last two days . I have went straight to sleep directly after work . Since I found out I had this disease , I become nervous when I am tired . I don 't know if I am just tired because I need rest , or if it 's the disease weakening my system . I get scared sometimes . But I slept for hours today and yesterday after work . My next doctor 's appointment is in seven days ! Ugh ! I am excited and afraid at the same time . I 'm excited because I get to monitor my progress or the lack thereof . However , I 'm afraid because I don 't want to get my hopes up . Despite all of the progress I have received by using Dr . Sebi 's products I still get nervous before appointments because I fear the progress may be a hoax or a mistake . This final visit will convince me because I know I didn 't eat 100 % right after my last blood draw . Don 't get me wrong , I believe in Dr . Sebi . It 's just that in my life I never seem to be that lucky . I 'm always that 1 % exception to the rule when there is something negative potentially at bay . I can 't wait to get this over with . The suspense is killing me ! This hair thing is kicking my butt ! I may be taking on too many changes at once . I 'm on this great enlightening journey which involves changing my eating habits , focusing on my heal , healing myself of this allegedly " fatal " disease , becoming more spiritual , loving myself more , getting over heartbreak and heartache , and transitioning from permed to natural hair . It is a lot , but I could handle it much better if I could just get my house and work space more organized . My house looks like my brain right now . . . scrambled . Honestly , sometimes I forget I am sick . I oftentimes have to remind myself that I have an allegedly " life threatening illness . " I feel so good all of the time and I look great . So , it 's a bit misleading . Not to mention that I usually stay to myself , so I have no reason to constantly think about my condition . I guess that can be viewed as a great thing . I was cleaning out apps and other items from my phone in order to free up some memory when I ran across a picture of Anthony and I kissing while out to dinner . The picture was taken in March of 2015 . This was around the time that I received my last HIV test result of negative . Anthony had just started working a new construction job that he was very happy about because he was proud to be able to finally make enough to be able to take my son and I out EVERY weekend and assist with the bills . He used to try to match my salary , but that would never happen . I made way more than him even when he got two jobs . But he didn 't understand that I loved him just because of the way he loved me . I loved his effort and drive to provide for me and my son and his constant dedication to protecting us . He was my rock that just needed a little grooming . There were many days that I had to be tough on him , yell at him , and sometimes even kick him out . He lacked guidance and discipline but I felt like I should give it to him instead of giving up on him . I strongly believe that discipline and correction is a part of love . There were times when we were alone on the beach at night , because that was our favorite spot , or just laying in each other 's arms in bed , when he would caress my cheeks with the back of his hands or his lips , and tell me how much he appreciates all that I do for him , and the way I was tough on him . He said girls always give him what he wants and he never has to do anything . He said he never gave a girl money before or helped them with any kind of bill . He said he doesn 't date females with children but he fell in love with me and is doing all of the above . Anthony always says that I changed him . He tells his family that I changed him all the time . But I guess I couldn 't keep him from messing with a man on a consistent basis . He left him alone for almost a year , based on my research . But I guess something made him go back . I guess the pressure of having a family and accountability became too much for him . I don 't want him back . I could never get over what he did and the way he hurt me . But who would have ever thought that he was gay ? ? ? Definitely not me . These are the thoughts that constantly plague me without warning . But , I don 't think I am ready to get rid of our pictures . It never ceases to amaze me just how strong and forgiving love can be . . . My new package arrived in the mail today from Dr . Sebi 's office . I think I will begin taking it on the weekend or Thursday the earliest . I need to organize my life and home first . Taking these products are a very demanding task . I will take a picture of all of the items that come in the package and post it in one of my upcoming blogs . If you 've been following my blog then you would know that I gauge my days between feeling like Superwoman or Wonder Woman . Today was a mild Wonder Woman day , but not in a bad way . I was wondering what the heck was going on for the majority of the day . I took the twist out this morning and it was tragic . Lol . I didn 't use enough gel because I don 't like gel . I also didn 't use holding spray . So , the spirals fell as soon as I took the rods off of them . There is still a few inches of permed hair left and it doesn 't do well with certain styles . I haven 't relaxed my hair in almost a year , so there is a lot of natural growth . Just not enough for certain styles . I absolutely panicked . I dropped my son off at school then went back home to try to figure out what to do with my hair . Nothing ! I had absolutely nothing ! I am a tom boy . Well , I 've been called a Hot Tom Boy ! Lol . I tried and tried to do something with it but couldn 't . I even considered rushing over to the salon but I knew that would take at least two hours and I was already almost an hour late as it was . So , I decided to go to my friend 's house . The same one I spoke of earlier who does hair . She was laying sick in bed . Her nine year old daughter was also home sick . So , I had her to part my hair for me and I did the rest . It came out pretty decent . I made it to work about an hour and a half late . No one said anything about the time , but they did say I looked four years old with my hairdo . That 's fine with me because being called young is a compliment . I love my young spirit and old soul . You know I am very honest and transparent with my life so this is just a disclaimer for what I am about to say . Some time in the morning , my body released a large amount of mucus from my lower region . I 've never seen anything like that . By " large , " I mean , about a tablespoon full . It just came right out ! I already know that happened because I had been eating poorly over the past few days . I am now 100 % convinced that the foods not listed on the Nutritional Guide caused mucus . The proof was in my panties . Lol . It was not gross looking , smelly or stinky . Just easily identifiable . I hadn 't been eating that badly , so it only happened that one time . I am just glad that Dr . Sebi 's products cleanses the body so efficiently . That was my queue to get back on board and become more disciplined . To stop letting my emotions rule my decisions about my eating and health in general . I just thought it was important to share that information with you . In the beginning when I would drink my gallon of water each day , mucus would leave my body from everywhere , including my urine . Mind you , I am not referring to LARGE amounts of mucus . You would miss it if you didn 't pay attention . Sometimes while I am speaking , mucus will come up out of nowhere . Not in an embarrassing or unmanageable way , though . When I got home , I relaxed , watched some Grey 's Anatomy , played a strategy game on my phone and struggled with washing and styling my hair . This is rough . I have to figure something out or cut it soon . I wen t to bed around 1 : 30 in the morning because I was so into Grey 's Anatomy . Poor George O ' mally , he died and Izzy has cancer . The craziest thing happened today . I was cleaning out my house and trying to throw away old clothes that I can 't fit anymore and get my house organized when I found two of Anthony 's sweaters hanging up in my closet . I don 't what came over me , but when I took one off of the hanger and held it in my hands , I felt him . I felt his presence . I felt that strong overpowering feeling of love that I always felt when we were together . It was radiating through his sweater if that is even possible . I looked down at the fabric in my hands as warm tears filled up the wells of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks . I sobbed and held the sweater to my face , inhaling his scent , as I leaned on the closet door for support . Do I miss him ? Do I miss the IDEA if him ? Do I miss what we had ? Do I miss who I was and how I felt when I was with him ? I don 't even know . I 'm not sure about much lately . All I know is that I was hurt deep down somewhere that I keep trying to cover up and forget about Then I felt dumb and weak for crying over this asshole . The asshole I loved . The asshole who loved me the best way he knew how . And I violently threw his sweaters in the trash . I remember when I was throwing out all of his other clothes , I held on to those to sleep with . I loved him . But that was at a weaker point in my journey . I can handle letting go now . Then , I began to clean out my car . I keep a lot of things in my car for some reason . No matter how much I try , I have always had this problem with every car I have had . I guess I live in fear f being homeless or something of that sort , even though I am no where near homeless now . I have two cars ( fully paid off ) , a great career , and a house . So , as I begin to remove items from the trunk , right behind my basketball , I found a white box . The box had Anthony 's mother 's name on it . Oh my god ! I lost my breath for a moment . This was the ashes of Anthony 's dead mother . I asked him if he was going to come get them when I first kicked him out , but he was too ashamed to respond . I told him I was going to throw them out . The only thing that stopped me was my brother . He told me that wasn 't right . But my brother is a turn the other cheek type of person and I 'm an , " I only have TWO cheeks " type of person . And I 've already used both of them in this situation by not killing him . I leaned against the gate and looked at the box of ashes in my trunk . She passed away in July of 2006 and was still being stored in the bag and box from the crematorium . No one cared enough about her to buy an urn to place her in . The box was beat up and brown as if someone had spilled coffee on it . When Anthony 's step - father died in October of 2015 , I believe it was , I encouraged him to get her ashes . No one else was going to get them and they were just going to be thrown out with the rest of his things . He finally listened and I took him to retrieve them . This was creepy for me but I remained strong because I loved Anthony . He would bring up his mom from time to time when he would get down . So , I thought it would be a good idea for him to keep her . There were times after we brought her home with us that he would lay on the couch in the living room next to her ashes just to have some alone time with her . Welp , as I said earlier , I only have two cheeks and he has exhausted bot of them . He never came to get her and I owe him no loyalties at this point . She has been riding around in the trunk of my car for months now . I took her out of the house in November . It 's time for her to go . So , I dumped her in the trash receptacle and brought the bin to the street for trash collection in the morning . No more loyalty is what I had to keep telling myself to keep from feeling guilty and crying . I am Superwoman today ! Can you believe it ? Two days in a row ! It 's been a long time since I have had two good days back to back . My motivation at times . ( Lauryn is my idol ! I love her to life and everything she stands for . I love how transparent she is . I am the same way . I wish to meet her one day . Not like in a concert setting . But to actually meet her and shake her hand or give her a hug . Her music raised me when my mother dropped the ball . ) I woke up this morning and got my little man ready for his basketball game . I put on my new outfit and tried to settle my nerves and prep myself for what was about to take place . They told me I could come back to his practices , but I had to apologize to all of the parents for my behavior last week . I felt mildly angry because they were treating me as if I was some sort of out of control monster who was a threat to the children . But I had to suck it up because I understand what they are trying to do . I have to accept responsibility for the role my actions played in this situation . I gave them the ammunition to use against me because I didn 't exercise self - control when it came to my child and his safety . Honestly , I usually NEVER exercise self - control when it comes to the safety of my child . But I 'm never too big to learn . Change is growth . I pumped myself up and headed to the basketball court . I sent my son ahead of me so he wouldn 't have to wear the cloud of shame with me . I gave a heartfelt apology to the parents before the game began and gave a brief recap of what took place last Saturday for the ones who weren 't there . I was more sincere than I expected to be . I thought the warrior within would get the best of me and I would have been reluctant to apologize . But I meant every word that I said . When I was done , one of the parents suggested that I apologize to the kids as well . That was definitely a great idea . However , the way that she said it made me feel like she was trying to be a b * * * h ! I 'm very good at discovering people 's intent . But I overlooked her motive and happily agreed because I love children fro the depths of my soul and want my son to have a peaceful remainder of the season . After the apology , the parents began to huddle around me like old times as they pressed me for laughs and entertainment . I love to make people smile . I could tell by their behavior that they missed me . This game was the most exciting one yet . There was a lot of action and the coach made my son the team captain and the point guard . You have no idea how proud of him I was . I couldn 't even be a point guard . That person has to play well under constant pressure while bringing the ball up the court . He was awesome ! After the game , my little king came to me and gave me the tightest hug his little arms could muster up , and kissed me on my nose . He said , " thank you for being here mommy , and watching me play . I did this all for you . I would be sad if you weren 't here to see me . You always support me in everything I do . " After the game , we rushed right over to my gun license training session . My son sat in with us as we learned the ins and outs of gun - handling . I paid $ 100 and will have to go back next week to go to the shooting range . I am going to have my son to shoot as well . He 's not excited by guns and that makes me comfortable with him learning how to handle one . You never know , he may have to be the one to save me . I don 't want him to hurt himself in the process . I also joined a conference call this afternoon with my brother and others . The topic was about nutrition . The people were complaining about the lack of variety of Dr . Sebi 's list and saying that 's why they don 't follow him 100 % . They were saying that there is no way other foods are not on the list . I told them that the problem with us , humans , is that we are too spoiled . Every animal I can think of only eats a handful of foods . Five to ten items . Humans want to eat 30 items from every food group . There are more than enough items on Dr . Sebi 's Nutritional Guide to sustain us . We 've been reprogrammed to care about taste instead of substance . We desire the illusion of comfort and satisfaction . I was selected to participate in a Black History game of Family Feud at work and represent my department . It is an honor that they feel as if I am adequate to represent for them . I take pride in the fact that although I am usually very quiet at work , they know that I am well - versed in the goings on of the Afrikaans . I woke up early and dressed in my African attire and sent my son to school in his as well . I wanted to do the twist out on my hair last night . But I was afraid that if it didn 't come out correctly I would look horrible on camera for the game show today . And I definitely can 't have that . But I was beautiful nonetheless and exuded my African radiance as I walked into the office this morning . I was a showstopper ! Lol . I don 't mean to come off as conceited , because if you knew me you would know that couldn 't be any further from the truth . I am very modest and quiet . I used to suffer from low self - esteem . But not anymore ! I just know when I am shining , and today was one of those days . Everyone stopped in their tracks to tell me how beautiful I looked . They usually tell me that , but today , it was different . There was a little more meaning to their words . I met up with the group and filming crew at the downtown location and enjoyed the game . They asked what year did Jamaica receive its independence ? I knew that answer . I am Jamaican . But they didn 't hear me ring the bell . I still mumbled the answer under my breath before the other team did so that they could hear me first . I wanted to see if I had the right answer , and I did . . . 1962 . I felt great ! Although , I didn 't get the point for it , my team knew I was reliable . The guys took me out for lunch afterwards . I didn 't want to ride with them . I always take my own car everywhere because I don 't like to go out . This way I can leave whenever I get ready . They chose to go to Hooters to eat . Hooters is more of a chicken wing place so I figured I wouldn 't be able to eat anything from there . But I was looking forward to being in some good company . These were five upstanding black men with great careers , myself , and one other black woman . All decent people . Luckily for me , the restaurant had a great garden salad . Yum ! The conversation flowed as I was my goofy self because I was feeling good . I asked a lot of questions . Two of the guys were married , one had a girlfriend . The other just began dating a girl for less than a month . And the other was allegedly " happily " single . I took advantage of the variety of situations around me and got as much insight from all of the men as I could while I made them laugh . If one of them looked into my eyes too long I would turn and begin speaking to the other . I love , respect , and admire a married , or monogamous black man and I would never want to do anything to jeopardize such a union or cause them to consider straying . That would never be me . I don 't care who the man is or how much money they have . But they were great company and very respectful . It became overwhelming to finally be around decent people . I cried briefly at the table . You have to understand that I don 't come across such people often . My co - worker , the other black woman at the table , understood why I was crying . She 's the nosy one that works next tome back in the office . The guys were very caring . I wrapped it up quickly and pulled myself together because I didn 't want any married man 's arms around me to console me . It 's funny how small things go a long way now . Just to be able to have a conversation with men who aren 't trying to sleep with me or get close to me is a breath of fresh air . The held my hand as they helped me into my car , held doors open , and pulled out chairs . Incredible ! Who is raising the rest of society ? Lol . I enjoyed being treated as the goddess I am today . They paid for my food and told me to drive safely . After lunch with the guys , I didn 't return to work . I picked up my son from school , stopped by the post office , then got him ready for karate practice . I had a pep talk with him about always pushing himself and never becoming comfortable . He is very good at karate and have won national championships . However , I don 't want him to get comfortable in his past successes in any area of life . I told him if he wants to remain the champ in his class he needs to keep working and putting forth effort , not as if he has something to lose , but as if he has more to gain . The talk must have worked because I sat in on his practice today and blew the sensei 's mind with his performance . He shifted gears today and the sensei used him to teach the class several times . My son was smiling during practice because he knew I was proud of him . Earlier today , my friend stopped by to see me . He has been trying to find time in his schedule to see me for a few weeks now . I told him I had to take my son to practice soon but he said he could still come by for a little while . He was waiting for me when I pulled up from work . We talked for a little while until it was time for me to leave . My son saw him out while I went into my bedroom to get dressed . When I came outside I heard my friend saying , " you 'll have to ask your mom . " I didn 't think much of it at the moment . But it turns out that my son asked him if he would volunteer to be his new dad . The fact that he used the word " new " broke my heart . Anthony was a real father to him . Nothing that took place between us could deny that . Now that he has had a father figure around , he misses him . My friend called me the next day to tell me this . He said he was honored because he didn 't know that my son liked him so much . Later , I asked my son why did he want him to be his new dad ? He said because he is nice to him and has big muscles for the ladies . Lol . I had to laugh . My son is so funny sometimes . Then I asked him what he thinks the duties of a dad is . He said to play with him and protect his wife and kid . He said I would be the wife . Lol . Once again , I had to laugh . My baby is so innocent . I explained to him that the ideal situation is for a man and woman to be married in order to have a child , but it is not always the way things happen . He laughed and continued . He said a dad would come to his games also . My poor baby . These are all of the things that Anthony did with him . But he 'll be fine . I may not be a man , but I can do everything they do . My only hope is that it is enough for my little prince . He says it is . My only fear is that he doesn 't grow up with a void in his heart no matter how much I do for him . I told him that he is going to be a great husband to his wife when he grows up , based on the way he views family structure and roles . He said he knows . Lol . This short guy makes me laugh . Today was another emotional day . I am depressed . I am Wonder Woman . I wonder when this foolishness will be over for good . I had to have another meeting to attend my son 's basketball games and practice . The life of a single mother . My dad called and we spoke for a while . He 's trying to have a bond with me but I just don 't feel it . He 's really understanding and supportive about my disease . I feel like he holds no judgment against me for it . However , regardless of how nice he seems , I just can 't seem to forgive him for not being there when I was a child . . . when I needed him . That absence shaped a very large portion of my life . That 's why I 'm working overtime to be there for my son in every area that he needs me . Not just physically present . Bear is pressing me really hard for something more than a friendship and I 'm just not feeling it . That made me cry more to realize that that part of me is dead . The desire for companionship is COMPLETELY DEAD ! That used to be the greatest part of me . So , I cry . I cry because I am losing parts of myself due to what Anthony did to me . I now have no doubt that I will be cured . Probably sooner than I initially thought . But even then , I doubt that I will want to have a relationship with anyone . I am scarred . And he just keeps pressing . Not disrespectfully , but pressing nonetheless . I have trained myself to never overlook anything ever again . So , as he speaks , all I am thinking about is the fact that he is not offering any help with my son 's basketball situation that I am having with the coaches and the director of the league . I am paying attention to the fact that he doesn 't offer to bring food when he comes by . I pay attention to the fact that he doesn 't bring in my garbage cans when he comes over . How can I take him seriously ? I 'll just be settling or setting myself up to have to train another man again and I AM COMPLETELY DONE WITH THAT ! So , I cry . . . . . . . . . . Bear kept trying to come to my house . He called numerous times and I declined the call . I told him I just need some time alone with my thoughts . But he 's pressing . I turned my phone off and he popped up to my house at 5 : 30 in the morning . I ignored all the knocks he did on my front and backdoor . He was completely out of line . I need help but I don 't trust anyone . My soul and spirit is too precious . I will get through this the best way I know how . . . alone . . . |
I don 't know if the kids were conspiring against us last night or not but they were both up and down from about midnight until 3 am . First the girl peed her bed ( what is with that , all of a sudden she is having accidents after using the potty so well for weeks ) and then the husband had to settle her back to sleep . Once she was asleep the boy woke up . The husband , who really is amazing , let me sleep while he tried for an hour to get the boy back to sleep . Finally I took over to give him a break . I had no more luck . I decided at about 2am to take him downstairs and see if he was hungry . Turns out he was ! He ate and ate . While this was happening the girl woke up again . The husband took over the food duties and I tried to settle the girl back to sleep after a successful trip to the potty . Once the boy was finally asleep , happy now that he had a full belly , the husband took over getting the girl to sleep . Such is life with two kids . One sleeps , one wakes , they both wake , they both sleep . It is quite a dance we do some nights . This morning we were all tired . After months of little sleep I am now exhausted whenever I don 't a full five hours . My head is all full of cotton . I need a large coffee to render myself remotely comprehensible . Plans for this morning were cancelled since none of us were moving very fast . We did have a lovely time at the park though . The boy went down the slide on his own . The girl ran around and enjoyed the swings . Days and nights . Nights and days . Some are good , some are great and some we just muddle through . My sister and brother - in - law are moving to Montreal tomorrow . It hasn 't sunk in yet . After living in the same city them for the last two years it will be a shock to not be able to pick up the phone and ask them over for dinner . Or place an emergency call to her to ask her come over and watch my children while I hide in the bedroom and cry . Luckily that has only happened once . But still , that will be harder to do once she is two hours away . Today they stopped by with their moving van to load up a bunch of things we had been storing for them in our basement . The girl sat on a chair I placed in the dining room doorway so that she could watch as they carried boxes out of the basement . She held her stuffed cat Princie ( named after my dad 's real cat ) and chatted to my sister as she passed by . The girl has always called my sister by a nickname that she gave her . From the beginning the girl had trouble pronouncing my sister 's actual name so instead she called her Daka . Daka , Daka , Daka . Today she sometimes called her Daka , sometimes by her real name . I wondered if this would be the end of the special nickname . Will the girl grow out of it ? Will she forget about it as she uses it less , as she sees my sister less often ? Hearing the girl struggling but persisting to enunciate my sister 's name today I was a bit saddened . I want that special bond between them to stay . The girl was not quite one when they moved to Ottawa . Right away she took to my sister . At the girl 's first birthday party she spent most of the time on my sister 's lap in the sunroom . They and my brother - in - law hid away from the party and were happy . After the boy was born my sister came over two mornings a week to spend time with the girl . She had some free time among her University class schedule and I so appreciated the help , especially in those early months . More than the benefit to me , though , was what the girl got out of it . She so loved to see her aunt . The girl would get excited , ecstatic as soon as my sister would walk into the house . If she had been sittiPosted by The Canadian Museum of Nature is only a few blocks from our house . We like to visit on cold or rainy days . You know , most days here in Ottawa . Yesterday we had a great visit at the museum . I thought I would share with you some of our tips in order to maximize your fun . And fun you will have . - Visit the museum in the following order : dinosaurs , mammals , birds . ( Skip the 3rd floor unless they have an an interactive temporary exhibit there or your kid likes photography . ) The girl holds firm in her belief that this is the only proper order . It is probably best to listen to her . - Make sure you stop by and say hi to " Boogie " . He 's the first dinosaur you see when you step through the doors on the first floor . He is the girl 's favorite . You should also visit the large dinosaur replicas at the very back of the exhibit . There you will have a chance to meet the boy ( the baby dino ) , the girl ( the first one on your right ) and the husband and I ( the two T - Rexs ) . - Take the time to make some duck - billed dinosaur sounds . The girl quite enjoys that . I prefer the video of the Ankylosaurus death blow . It gets me every time . I would say do both . - Be sure to peak your head through the ice flow hole in the polar bear exhibit and pretend you are a seal . Don 't be afraid , the polar bear is a vegetarian . At least according to my brother - in - law who has convinced the girl the seal in the exhibit is actually a tofu seal . We like to call him TofuSeal . - Stop by and play with the puppets and the dress up clothes in the play room on the mammal floor . We had a lot of fun making up stories with all the puppets . Did you know that beavers like to eat moose ? Who knew . The boy loved all the puppets . In fact he had to hug every single one I handed him . - Yell loudly in the entry to each floor . There is a lovely echo there , as the boy discovered yesterday , and sounds reverberate quite nicely . - See if you can identify the bird on the card that gets handed out to all members at reception . I was so amazed when the girl walked straight over to the correct birdPosted by I have been in a foul mood lately . Grumpy , cranky , irritable and pretty much not very fun to be around . It is due to a combination of tiredness , the change to the boy 's napping schedule as he transitions to one nap and the resulting lack of time to myself during the day . ( Really , I just want twenty minutes . ) Today it was all compounded by the girl peeing her pants . Four times . Once at the grocery store . She hasn 't had an accident in weeks so I found it particularly discouraging . I have been walking around with my mean face on . I don 't smile at people . I don 't stop and chat with people I run into on the street . I may even scowl at you if you stop me to tell me how cute my kids are . Basically I will want to bite your head if you look at me the wrong way . In other words if you look at me at all . Of course I am feeling guilty about feeling bad . Like I should just suck it up and get over it already . I should step it up and be a better mom to those cute kids that are getting snapped at when they don 't put their shoes on fast enough or only sleep for fifteen minutes in the stroller . I should be happy with what I have and be thankful that it isn 't worse . Blah , blah , blah . I was firmly ensconced in my foul mood until I ran into a friend at the park . She was having a bad day too . She is struggling with her toddler who doesn 't listen and her baby who doesn 't sleep . She is feeling overwhelmed and lost . She knew what I was feeling . All of a sudden I felt better . My bad mood is not totally gone , but it has improved . Not because I knew she felt bad , but because I knew I wasn 't alone . Because I had someone to talk to who understood . Someone who not just sympathised but was there with me . Thank you . He isn 't tired . He should be but he isn 't . He only had three short cat naps in the stroller all day , despite my best attempts otherwise . His sister is in her bed , cuddling with her dad . He is in my arms nursing . He unlatches , looks at me and says " da " . He rolls away from me and in frustration I put him on the floor . He stands instead of sitting on the ground . His favorite thing in the world now is to walk and he isn 't going to pass up any opportunity . He looks at me and then toddles off towards his bedroom door . He happily bangs on it and reaches on tiptoes for the doorknob . He plays until he is bored and then toddles back to me . We repeat and repeat . I have decided not to fight him . I let him walk to the door , look out the window , play with the curtain . Eventually he tires . He returns to me and I a nurse him to sleep . I lay him gently in his crib and leave . I 've been a feminist for a long time . Pretty much since I first learnt the word . I don 't remember exactly how I was introduced to feminism , probably in one of the frequent social and political discussion we often had as a family , but right from the beginning it spoke to me . In fact , I was interested in most isms . Feminism , pacifism , socialism . All except racism . ( In that case I was an anti - ism supported ) . I was drawn to the idea that we as people are all equal . We all have value and rights as humans and not because of our gender , race , sexual orientation , religion or physical abilities . To me these beliefs seemed so logical , so just . As a kid I couldn 't understand how anyone could think I was less of anything because I was a girl and not a boy . So I was a proud feminist and not afraid to say it . Not surprisingly this lead to much mockery and baiting as a pre - teen and teenager . Boys would try to egg me on with sexist comments . Girls would sometimes support me , but often tried to hide behind semantics . Most girls seemed to be reluctant to admit to being a feminist in case they were labeled as man - hating , hairy - legged , bra burners . Instead my friends would say I 'm not saying women and men aren 't equal but I 'm not a feminist . Or they would profess to be post - feminist and argue that equality had been achieved and feminism was no longer needed . I never understood that . Why would you hide your belief in equality ? To me feminism is all about equality ; the equal rights and legal protection for women and men . How could anyone not support that ? I am still a feminist . I am grateful that women in Canada can now vote , own property , hold public office , serve in the military and work in a wide variety of professions but that doesn 't mean I will stop being a feminist . Like any belief it helps shape how I view the world and my interactions with others . And despite how far we have come there is always further to go , both here and around the world . One of my goals as a parent is to raise feminists . Two of them . I hope that the girl and tCapital Mom Things I should be doing every night before bed but don 't . 1 . Pack the diaper bag2 . Prepare snacks3 . Clean out all the Cheerios , crackers and banana bits from the stroller4 . Pick the toys off the living room floor and put them away5 . Tidy the kitchen6 . Figure out what we are going to eat for lunch tomorrow7 . Lay out the kids ' clothes for the nest dayNope , I do none of that . Instead I sit on my butt reading blogs , reading books , sometimes talking to the husband and on a lucky night watching a True Blood download . One day I will become more organized . Just not tonight . This morning we visited the National Gallery of Canada . That is not somewhere I would normally go on my own , but with my stepmother along to help I decided to brave it . So off we went with two kids , a double stroller , a diaper bag and many , many snacks to walk through room after room of art that we could not touch . Before we entered the Gallery I considered my options . I decided the best course of action , and the one that might see us lasting the longest , was to visit the contemporary art exhibits and then the cafe . See some art and then have a snack . The best of both worlds . I have to say that by the time we were done eating the boy 's shirt did very much look like some of the abstract paintings we had seen . More Jackson Pollock than Andy Warhol though . The kids seemed to enjoy the art . The girl lead the way as we whizzed through room after room . The secret to a successful gallery visit seems to be to walk at warp speed and glance quickly at whatever you can as you pass by it . As I walked I thought to myself here a Thomas Nozkowski , there a Picasso , everywhere an impressionist painting I would like to stop and look at but can 't . Each time we walked into a new room I said " Look with your eyes but don 't touch because this is art " . I said that about the phallic statue covered in dice , about the simulated bricks crossing the floor , the faux gas station scene arranged against the far wall . I even said it about the shovel hanging from the ceiling and urinal sitting on a stand . " That 's a potty " said the girl . " It 's a potty " I said , " but it is also art . " " But it 's a real potty , so it 's a potty . It 's not art " she explained to me . " Yes , it 's a real potty but it is also art " . Shortly before we adjourned to the cafe the girl did manage to touch one of the contemporary art installations . I was following closely behind her as she wandered past it because I had caught a little glimpse of mischief in her eye and was determined to prevent whatever attempts she might make . Sadly she was too quick for me . As she turned towards me her handPosted by The birthday season is upon us . It begins with the girl , the boy follows and it ends with me . Over a month of birthdays . So much to celebrate . So much cake to eat . With the kids born only a few weeks apart we decided to hold a joint birthday party for them in the park yesterday . I know , I just said I am trying to think outside the park but it really is the perfect place for a party . There is lots of room for the kids to run around and play , it doesn 't matter if cake or juice gets spilled and most importantly it means we don 't have to clean the house before or after the party . There was a great mix of people at the party . We invited some old friends we haven 't seen in a long time and some of our new park friends . I only wish I could have spent more time with everyone . I managed to say hello and goodbye and would you like some cake to everyone but not much more . In fact , what with running around making sure that someone was looking after my kids and everyone had food and drink I don 't remember much about the party . There is one moment that stays me with . I was standing at one end of the picnic table , the husband across from me at the other end . Two cakes are on the table and he and I are cutting and plating them as fast as we can . Kids are crammed onto both of the benches asking for cake and eating cake . " I want that piece right there " a girl says to me , pointing to the middle of the cake . " I want that one " says another girl pointing to a cluster of sprinkles . " I 'm not sure if we will get that far " I say as I cut and dish and cut and dish . The girl had a great time at the party . She never stopped running around and chasing after her friends . Oh wait , she did stop . Twice . For two pieces of cake . The first she ate with all her friends after she had pretended to blow out the candles ( it was too windy to get them lit ) . The second cake she ate later on when she came upon me cleaning up and asked for another piece . I thought about it for a moment and then figured why not . It 's her birthday party after all . " You can have one Posted by I have composed post after post in my head these last few days but have yet to find the time to write them . In between guests , birthday parties and sleepless nights there has been no time for me to come here . No time for me to sift through my days and try to make some sense of them . No time to do what I have come to love . I will keep writing in my head . Hoping that soon I will have the time to find you . I miss you . I am a creature of habit . I like to stick to my routine . I take comfort in having the semblance of control over the uncontrollable . In other words , my children . For that reason we do pretty much the same things everyday . We get up , eat breakfast , the boy has a nap , we go to the park , come home for lunch , the boy has a nap , we go to the park , come home for dinner and then go to bed . Whew ! It sounds like a lot but since I have been doing it everyday for months now it has become second nature . I know what to pack to take to the park . I know who will be there at what time for the girl to play with and me to talk to . I know that I can always walk back across the street if I need to . Since Monday the routine has changed . I don 't like change . However , I have decided not to fight it because that will only make me miserable . Instead I have accepted that the boy is transitioning to only one nap . While there are a lot of positives to only one nap , like the option of getting out and doing things for an entire morning , it is a little hard to give up the little bit of me time I could sneak in the mornings by letting the girl watch a little video . But give it up I have . My strategy to get me through this transition is to get out of the house as early as possible in the morning and to stay out until lunchtime . If I hang around at home I will start to obsess over whether or not the boy may or may not be tired and if I should or should not try to get him down for a nap . I will drive myself totally crazy and I don 't need to be any crazier than I already am . My strategy also involves going somewhere other than the park . Our park . Don 't get me wrong , I love the park with a passion that may seem disproportionate to those who don 't live at a park the way we do . But I have a hope that if we go somewhere different the boy will have a small , maybe even minute , nap in the stroller and that will make it easier for him to sustain his happy mood until his afternoon nap . I am now on a quest to find fun things to do with the kids within a thirty minPosted by The kids have both been up frequently these past few nights . This has been because of illness , temperature changes during the night and maybe teething . The result is that I am a cranky mess during the day . My temper is short . I find myself speaking briskly to the girl and being frustrated with the boy . In my worst moments I can 't find any joy in them . I hate that . I am longing for a break . A few , five , seven hours to myself where I could do whatever I want . Even though I don 't know what exactly that would be . Unfortunately that is not to be this weekend . My dad , step - mom and mother - in - law are all coming to town for a visit and to celebrate both birthdays this weekend . So it will be busy and fun and I may find a few moments to myself in all the party planning . The sleep disruption and my resulting mood has made me wonder how I functioned for so long getting up two or three times a night with the boy . Really , I am pretty amazed and impressed with myself for being as nice as I was to people . Everyone should consider themselves lucky . On Monday the boy decided not to have a morning nap . After a frustrating forty - five minutes where he would fall asleep in my arms but wake when placed in his crib , I gave up . The screams of the girl being tortured in her room didn 't help . Oh wait , she was safely reading books in her room . My mistake . I managed to get us all out of the house in one piece before I had a complete meltdown , but I was determined not to suffer through a repeat performance today . Instead we left the house with the husband and walked him to work . It is a lovely walk through downtown Ottawa and we have done it a number of times now . The kids are happy to watch the world pass by them from inside the comfort of the stroller . At least on the way there . On the way home the girl likes to walk . This doubles the duration of the usually twenty minute walk but she enjoys wandering along slowly , checking out anything of interest that catches her eye . The boy usually falls asleep on the way home , just like he did today . Instead of dropping the husband off at the door to his building and turning around like usual , today I needed to head inside the office tower to find a bathroom . I took the girl with me hoping she took would " make use of the facilities " , but the public bathroom was closed for cleaning . " Why don 't you come upstairs with me " , suggested the husband . " I can show you stinky old work " he said to the girl . Stinky old work . That is what he has called it ever since he returned in October after a year of leave at home with the girl . He went back to a new job in a new section with new colleagues . But to him it still stinky old work because it was what took him away from us . I had a moment of hesitation at his suggestion , but I could see how excited he was at the idea of showing off the kids so in we went . The hesitation was solely due to the fact that I wasn 't dressed for meeting new people , never mind his work colleagues . I was wearing my jogging shorts and an old t - shirt . My washed , but not brushed , hair was pulled into a ponytail under my black Posted by The longer I parent the more I realize that everything about having kids is relative . You think your kid is tall for her age until you meet a taller girl . You think that your boy poos a lot and then you meet another baby who poos even more . You think that you are a crunchy parent ( cloth diapering , breastfeeding , etc ) until you meet parents that breastfeed longer , practiced elimination communication and still co - sleep . You think that your kids ( okay , your three year old girl ) is behaving badly . Then you meet some kids that really do not know how to act around other living beings . The girl really is a great kid . She is thoughtful , polite and very loving . Most of the time . It is just those times where she is hyper , doesn 't listen and tries to talk her way into getting what she wants that drive me crazy . I know that she is just being three . She is just learning to be independent and figure out her own way . Sometimes I just don 't have the patience for it . It makes me nervous for the teenage years . I mean , what kind of conversations will we be having at thirteen if this is what we talk about at three : Me : Please get down . There is no standing on the back of the couch . Girl : I 'm not ! ( She gets down ) I know . How about this , how about I stand on the couch , you give me a time out and I say no . Seriously ? Are we having this conversation ? So sometimes I forget . I forget how well behaved she really is . You know , for a three year old . Then I see her playing at the park with another kid her age . They seem to be playing well together , until the other kid starts yelling " Go away , go away " to another little girl who has wandered over . My girl starts in too . " Go away " , she yells , " Go away " . I wonder if she really knows what she is saying or if she is just having so much fun yelling . I grab the boy and head over to intercede . The other mom stays where she is . " Please don 't yell at M " , I say . " That isn 't something we say to our friends and she just came over to see what you were doing " . I ask my girl to apologize . The other kid she was plaPosted by Okay , I 've succumbed . I have joined Twitter . I have no idea what I am doing but I am going to try this . I am not a text message kind of gal and our cell is a pay - as - you - go - emergency - only phone so I don 't even know how often I will use Twitter , but . And here is the big but . It seems like all of you are doing cool things are Twitter and I want in . Tell me how to follow you . Me ? I am @ capitalmom . Tweet you soon . My children have special powers . They have the ability to communicate with each other through their thoughts . It comes in handy . For them . " Hey , birthday girl . Can you stop smashing those sandcastles for a moment to listen to me . We need to talk . " " Sure , what 's up ? " " Well , I know it is your birthday and I am trying to be considerate and all but I am feeling a little neglected . All this attention for you and none for me . " " Didn 't mom just spend the last half hour wandering around the park with you while you walked and she held your hand . " " Technically yes , but still . I was thinking that maybe I would develop a smallish malady . You know , a slight fever , maybe some lethargy . I am really just feeling the need to be held and cuddled . " " Hmm , yes , I can understand that . Now that I think about it I 'm not really getting the degree of love and attention I should be getting considering it is my birthday . I may jump on this bandwagon of yours . " " How about we take it in shifts tonight . I will take 8pm until 2am . If I fuss enough and have trouble settling mom will eventually take me to bed with her . That will give me enough time to blow raspberries on her arm , chat a bit and practice my walking in the bed . I may even doze , but only if I am tucked into the crook of her arm . Yes , that should do nicely . " " I 'll take 4 : 30 am until 7 : 30 am . I find that dad is always extra attentive if I pee the bed so I may start with that . I 'll add in a slight fever and some tossing and turning too . " " Excellent . I think I feel a bit weak already . Why don 't they have a fainting couch at the park ? I guess mom 's arms will have to do . Oh , and happy birthday . " " Yes , happy birthday to me . " The girl spent the night of the day of the boy 's birth throwing up . The husband ended up sleeping beside her . I spent the night trying to get the boy to sleep . The boy was lethargic and feverish on the girl 's birthday . He lay on my chest , head resting on my shoulder , for close to an hour at the park . Dinner plans were cancelled . There was very little sleep that night . Can this be considered sibling rivalry ? After a late nap for the boy this morning we finally made it to the park around 11 am . Staying home probably would have been a better idea . The girl seemed to be feeling rough right from the start . At one point I looked up from playing with the boy to see her running towards me with tears running down her face . I asked her what was wrong but she was crying so much she couldn 't speak . Finally an older girl came over and told me that when my girl had been playing inside the house the older girl decided to peek in an say " boo " . The older girl obviously felt really bad to have caused such hysterical crying . She apologized twice . The girl recovered eventually . In fact she was playing happily with her little friend W soon enough . W 's mom and I sat on blankets with the babies and chatted . This mom is really lovely and I think we are on the way to being friends . I sure hope so . Our kids get along great . Maybe even too great . While we sat there talking I noticed that the two of them had managed to open the door to the field house and had run inside . One of the few park rules I have is that the girl can 't go in the field house without a parent . So I told W 's mom that I would go get them and ran towards the field house . As I ran I thought to myself , " this really isn 't a good bra to run in " . Then I fell . I fell flat on my face over the two cement stairs . I scrapped both my knees and split open the big toe on my left foot . For a moment I just lay there . I thought about lying there longer . But I got up . I looked around to see if anyone had noticed me fall . Then I got the kids out of the field house . My toes was bleeding and throbbing . I limped over to the lifeguards and asked for some first aid . I think there is a rock or little piece of cement stuck in my foot I said . Can you take it out ? Oh , no said the lifeguard , I can 't do that . Can you clean it with any antiseptic ? Oh , no we don 't have any . Do you have a band aid , I finally asked in exasperation . Of course no ! Instead the lifeguard wrapped my toe with gauze and masking tape . IPosted by I am finally ready for summer . Yes , I know that it is almost the middle of August . But it has taken me this long to find the perfect bag for all the stuff I need to bring to the park and pack it with two towels , a blanket , two swimsuits each ( one for the morning and one for the afternoon ) , snacks , my carrier and my diaper bag . It has also taken me this long to figure out that I should always bring the umbrella stroller with me even though we live across the street from the park . This way I can put the boy in the stroller when I take the girl to the bathroom in the field house and make her sit on the potty . Hmm , I wonder if I can fit a potty in my park bag . Apparently I have lost some of the baby weight . At least according to a nanny at the park . When I arrived at the park this morning with the two kids this woman was sitting on a bench chatting to a friend . They had been talking about me . When I looked towards them and smiled the woman said " I was just telling her you used to be fat but now you are getting skinnier " . At first I wasn 't sure if I understood what she had said . Did she really say " fat " ? Maybe she said " firm " . No , it was fat . The woman continued . " I used to think you were old because your face was so fat " , she gestured to her face as if to add three chins , " but now I can see you are young " . I kept smiling through all of this . I even laughed . " Well , " I said , " you know , it can be hard to find time to exercise with two kids . And I was really big when I was pregnant . It is hard to lose the weight " . I smiled . I laughed some more . As unintentional as it was , her words hurt me . I have been struggling with my weight . While it was nice to hear that I was skinnier it made me worry about what I looked like this past year . Have I been wandering around looking fat and old ? Is that what people saw when they looked at me ? My mood of sadness and frustration about my weight actually started this weekend when we received the photos from our recent family photo shoot . The photos themselves are amazing . The girl looks beautiful . The boy looks like an Eastern European prince , at least according to my dad . The photographer did an excellent job . But when I looked at the pictures of myself I was startled . Is that what I look like ? The me in the pictures and the me in my head are different . The me in my head isn 't as heavy as the one I see in the photographs . I know that I haven 't lost all the baby weight . I can fit into some but not all of my pre - baby clothes . I am definitely not as skinny as I was after the girl was born . After her birth I lost all the pregnancy weight and then some . I had to buy new clothes because everything was too big . I was one of those annoying people that wPosted by I love to read . I have always loved to read . But now I find it hard to read . Not so much because I can 't find the time ( I mean I could be reading instead of blogging or reading blogs ) as I don 't have the energy required to give myself , lose myself in a book . A good book , a really good book can captivate me and transport me and change me . Those are the books I love . The kind of books I now try to stay away from . Instead I read chick lit , romance , anything that you can buy from a rack in a drug store . Books that are light and frothy . Books that I can pick up in a moment of calm and put down five minutes later when a kid wakes up , is tired of playing quietly or yells for something to eat . I read books that I don 't care about or think about when I am away from them because I find I still need to read something . Anything . Sometimes I feel like I am coming at reading from the wrong direction . Like I should have started with the light stuff and graduated to more " serious " fiction with age . Instead , as a teenager I only read dead authors . Usually classics . Preferably British . Then I went through a period of only reading mysteries . This included sub - periods of only women authors , only British authors and only women British authors . Now I choose books by colour . In a pinch I always grab the pink book . Reading has always been my way of recharging . My quiet time . Just like how the girl likes to sit in her bed and read during the quiet time I force upon her in the afternoon so I can put the boy down for his nap . It lets me shut off my brain and run away into a different world in only for awhile . Today I read a real book . No pink cover , no frothiness . I picked it up last night before bed and found myself reading it whenever I could today . I neglected the children and left them in the husband 's care . I read and read and read . I thought about the book when I wasn 't reading it . I cried when I finished it . I am worn out . I don 't have the stamina for books like that anymore . I am still tired and weary from months of sleepless nights andPosted by The girl has very long hair . Long blond hair . But don 't hold it against her . She still looks like a ragamuffin with her paint stained clothes , peanut butter on her face and little bits of food stuck in her hair . Because that is the problem with long hair . When it is down it is easy to get some of whatever she is eating in it . Tomato sauce , cream cheese , chili or even porridge . She is tricky like that . I like to keep her hair off her face with ponytails , pigtails or braids . This usually involves a lengthy discussion to convince her to sit quietly for me while I brush her hair and work the knots out . There are always lots of knots . I prefer to giver her braids because it ensures less food or other things get stuck in her hair . Ponytails and pigtails are great but the tips still get dirty . My goal has long been to give her a french braid and last night I accomplished that . After her bath we sat together in her bed . She read through her compilation of Madeline stories while I took my time brushing her wet hair . Splitting her hair into two I started braiding the right side . It has been a long time since I have done a french braid . Maybe twenty years . I started carefully , unsure how to pull the new pieces into the braid . At times it seemed like I didn 't have enough fingers to hold all the pieces of hair . I finally found my rhythm and juggled the pieces of hair as I braided . Once both braids were done I took a moment to admire my work . A number of moms have told me that they found their maternity leave isolating . That it was a lonely time for them . I can understand how that could happen . All our daily routines and social interactions are suddenly gone . We are no longer working with our colleagues or going out with out friends . Those first few months are , or they were for me anyways , a vortex of babyness . We eat , sleep ( or not sleep ) and breathe our baby . I was afraid of the isolation that having a baby could bring . I was terrified of having postpartum depression . I have always had heavy and difficult periods accompanied by moodiness , crying and sadness and I thought that the hormonal changes after birth would be the same . My family was worried about that too . So I pushed myself and they pushed me to get out with the baby . Left on my own I may have procrastinated , waited until I was " ready " but since I knew they would be watching and waiting for a report I made myself go out . My first outing on my own with the girl was to story time at the library when she was five weeks old . She was by far the youngest one there . I didn 't care though . I was happy that I had made it to the library , happy that she breastfed in public with no problem and thrilled to be meeting other moms . Over that fall and winter I was at the library as many as three times a week for story time . I also went to playgroups , the baby wellness clinic and the park . I went for walks everyday and invited people over . I pushed myself out of my comfort zone in order to make friends for myself and for her . I made some excellent friends . Getting out and talking to those other moms was so good for me . It helped to have people to discuss concerns with or to laugh with . What really got me through that maternity leave though was my friendship with M . I met her that first day at the library and then again later at a playgroup . She had a daughter ten months older than mine and lived only a few blocks away . Slowly we became so close that we saw each other or spoke on the phone every day . She joked thPosted by Let 's agree that the boy said dada last week . It sounded like dada . I 'm sure it was dada . Okay , he hasn 't actually said it again and it may have just been a fluke but let 's just all get on the same page and go with dada . That way his third word , not second , will be banana . Yesterday at the park the boy saw me peeling a banana for his sister . He went crazy . While pointing frantically at the banana he started yelling " NANA NANA " . With a tone of righteous indignation he added some grunts and arghs . If he had been a medieval warrior I think he would have shouted " give that to me your surly wench " or something as equally colourful . This post is part of the Carnival of Maternity Leave over at Strocel . com . Visit for more posts on maternity leave from August 3 - 15 th , 2009 . My maternity leave is over . I was due back at work at the end of July but I am not going back . Not yet anyway . Before I even started my second maternity leave I knew that I wanted to take more than a year off to be at home with the kids . I wanted to spend some of that fun time with the boy , time where he is walking and talking and learning like crazy . Time where I wasn 't grumpy and exhausted from being up all night . That was time the husband got to spend with the girl while he was off for a year on unpaid leave with her between my two maternity leaves . Some mornings I was very jealous as I headed off to work and they hung out at home playing . During my first maternity leave with the girl there was a part of me that was eager to return to work . At work there was an order to my life that I still hadn 't found caring for the girl . The rules and demands were clear at work . I knew what was expected of me and how to perform the tasks associated with my job . By the time the girl turned one I still felt like I was new to this mommy thing . Every day I was learning new things and re - evaluating what I had learnt the day before . I felt insecure about my decisions and doubted myself often . At work there was none of that . At work I knew who I was . I was so glad to have that time at home with the girl but it was not as relaxing as this second maternity leave has been . This time I feel more confident about my decisions . I don 't doubt my parenting choices ( as much ) as the first time around and so I am better able to enjoy myself . I still have stressful moments , stressful days but I know now that they are temporary . Whatever difficult stage we are in will end and we will move out of it into something new . I am also more forgiving with myself this time . I had almost fifteen years to learn how to navigate the working world . No wonder I found work easier than being a mom ! You can 't expect to feel asPosted by This post is part of the Carnival of Maternity Leave over at Strocel . com . Visit for more posts on maternity leave from August 3 - 15th . I had always wanted to work for the Government . To me there was something appealing about the idea of serving my country and delivering services to Canadians . ( Whether or not it is everything I hoped it would be is best left for another post . Probably one I will never write . ) What I didn 't really think about when I joined the government was about the benefits that it would offer to me as my employer . It is pure luck on my part that I ended up with an employer that is trying to lead by example and show other organizations how to support employees financially during the first year of their child 's life . As a Canadian citizen I am entitled to receive 55 % of my insurable earnings , up to maximum of $ 447 a week , for 50 weeks as part of maternity and parental ( which can be taken my the mother or father ) leave . As an employee of the Government of Canada I receive an additional weekly allowance to augment the $ 447 to 93 % of my weekly income . What this means is that I am being paid close to my full salary for almost a year to stay at home and care for my baby . In addition , the Government of Canada provides its employees with up to five years of unpaid leave for the care and nurturing of pre - school age children . This means that I could stay at home for up to five years with one child under five . This leave is one that the husband and I have and will take advantage of . ( More on that in my next maternity leave post . ) While these leave provisions could be considered a means of rewarding employees for their past service , I also think they are excellent recruitment and retention strategies . With the exodus of baby boomers across all industries the public service is competing with the private sector to recruit from a small pool of talent . Maternity and parental leave benefits are one way of standing out among the competition . It is also a way of encouraging employees that do want to take some time offPosted by Trips to the market have become a favorite weekend activity . If the weather is sunny we enjoy a leisurely walk and then sit on the grass eating whatever fresh produce is for sale . If there is rain we move quickly while pushing the kids in the stroller and then sit under some shelter eating whatever fresh produce is for sale . Basically eating is always involved . Yesterday we walked to the Main Farmer 's Market in Ottawa East . Today we walked to the Landsdown Market in the Glebe . I like both markets even though they are quite different . I like that the Main Market is small because then I don 't wander around trying to decide which stall is the best to buy from . We can quickly make our purchases and move onto the eating and people watching . I like the Landsdown Market because there is more choice in produce , baked goods and even crafts for sale . A new pair of soft soled shoes bought this morning will be part of the boy 's birthday presents next month . Today we were caught in a downpour while at the market . We knew it was coming so we were , mostly , prepared . Except for the boy 's rain coat we had forgotten . When the rain started he was asleep in the stroller , nestled all warm and safe . Still , we moved under the white food tent to wait out the showers and have a snack . The girl sat mesmerized , too stunned to eat the raspberry she had put on her finger tip , when the one - man - band moved under the tent with us and began to play . He played nursery rhymes and other songs I didn 't recognize . She didn 't care what he played . She was enthralled . I was worried the noise would wake up the boy . It did . He too was a little dazed as he sat in my arms , groggy in that way that someone is when they wake up from a nap . Then he decided that wherever he was was in fact pretty awesome and prowled around making friends and chatting to people while the husband followed holding onto his hands . Amber is hosting the Carnival of Maternity Leave from August 3 - 15 , 2009 . It is an opportunity for anyone to share their stories and thoughts about maternity leave . You can check out all the posts or write one yourself and let Amber know by August 10th to be included in the list of participants . I will be posting about my maternity leave over the next week . One more month has passed and you are another month closer to one . People at the park stop me to tell me how beautiful you are . And you are . Your white blond hair sets off your blue eyes and fine , yet boyish , features . Your face is open and expressive . Your smile is warm . You have decided that you now love the wading pool . I follow after you like some kind of serf attending to her lord and master . Wherever you go there I am holding onto your hands as we walk through the water . You like to stick to the edges of the pool where the water is shallow , unless you see a ball and then you walk briskly towards it . You will be very excited to receive the soccer ball Grandma is getting you for your birthday . I will be happy too because I won 't have to worry about you trying to steal the basketballs that are sometimes left at the edge of the court . |
" So did you ask Gwen yet ? " Eric asked without really wanting to know the answer . He had met up with Jeremy at their normal spot , but this conversation felt anything but normal . In fact , they hadn 't spoken since Eric had walked out of the Student Union just before Spring Break . So much had changed since then , and clearly telling the extent of all those changes was impossible . Jeremy had just finished the dramatic retelling of talking to Gwen 's father , who apparently was thrilled with the prospect of tying his daughter 's life to Jeremy 's . Eric couldn 't help but wonder if he would 've been so thrilled had Eric been the one asking . " Friday night . It 's our one year anniversary from when we started going together , " Jeremy said , and the sparkle in his voice was hard to miss . It made the inside of Eric 's heart pang . " I got the ring and everything . " " She 's going to say , ' Yes . ' She 'd be crazy not to . " Eric pulled the door to the classroom open and held it for Jeremy before following Jeremy up the steps to the third row . His heart fell when he realized porcupine hair was sitting in her original seat one row ahead . His mind flashed again to the scene at the Student Union . Somehow he had convinced himself her phone call on Sunday erased the possibility she was still upset . Then again he 'd probably made things worse by his idiotic performance in that phone call . " You go on . I 'll talk to her , " Eric said with a lift of his chin . He recalibrated his steps into her row . She never looked up on his long approach even when he stopped only a foot from her . " Is this seat taken ? " " Good . " He slid into the seat next to her with a glance back at Jeremy . It was clear Jeremy realized she hadn 't forgotten either . " So , you finished the paper ? " " I got mine done , believe it or not . " He held it out for her to see , but she didn 't so much as glance at it . " Okay . " His eyebrows lifted with understanding . He considered every other option , but none seemed real enough . Finally his head dipped to his chest . " Look , I 'm sorry about the other night , about what I said . I really was glad you called . " His attention snagged on the fact that Jeremy was right behind him listening to every word . Pursing his lips together , Eric fought to work through in his head how to get her to stop being furious , knowing Jeremy was right there recording every word for posterity . " I don 't know what you think about me and Holly , but we 're not going out anymore . We haven 't gone out in weeks . " The fact that she was completely ignoring him wound around his chest and clamped there . " Come on , Becca . What do you want from me ? I said I was sorry . " " About who you are . About who I am . " She closed her eyes and shook her head . " I wanted to be your friend , but let 's face it , we 're not in the same league , and we both know it . I can 't change who I am , Eric . I can 't be Holly . I 'm me . That 's the best I can do . " Her gaze dug into his , and he saw the hurt drain over her face with no shields up to defend it . " I 'm Rebecca , and you know what ? To me , that 's okay . You don 't have to pretend to be my friend anymore . I get it . You 're off the hook . " Before Eric could figure out what she was talking about , she stood from the desk and swiped her books off of it . His gaze followed her up . " Where 're you going ? " Mr . Templeton picked that moment to walk in down front . Rebecca swung her purse over her shoulder and met the professor at the bottom step . Their conversation wasn 't loud or long . She handed him her paper , and before Eric could think of what to do , she walked out . Leaving class without a life or death reason had never been Rebecca 's style , but she simply couldn 't stay and risk an all - out breakdown . She knew too many of the gazes followed her out including two that made her knees weak . However , despite the stone - cold delivery she had managed to make , her heart was cracking in two . She made it only to the semi - darkness outside before the tears overtook her . Never in her life had humiliation felt this bad . He should 've left well enough alone . What was he trying to prove by coming to sit by her anyway ? That she mattered to him ? What a joke that was . Sure , he said he and Holly had broken up , but that didn 't change the fact that she was a long leap from ever being able to replace Holly in his eyes . Replace Holly . That was a laugh . She had a better chance of winning Miss America . Her feet were walking with no real direction from her brain , and before she knew it , she was once again in the dorms . Thinking as little as possible , she climbed the stairs , opened her door , and turned the light on . She was three steps into the room before she realized it was occupied . " Becca , " Holly gasped , grabbing for her blouse which was open all the way . The guy looming over Holly on the bed twisted awkwardly to the side . Blonde hair , blue eyes - she had never seen him before . " Oh , I 'm sorry , " Rebecca said in stunned panic as she swiped the tears from her face . " I 'm sorry . " She ducked her head and turned on her heel . " I 'm really sorry . " With that , she fled . There was no other choice really . Trying not to remember anything about the last ten minutes , she stumbled headlong down the stairs to the third floor . At Emily 's door , she knocked three times , fighting to stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks long enough to save a shred of her dignity . Eric shook his head as they crossed out into the hallway . " That 's not like her - to walk out like that ? Not the week before a test . " " She 's moody . " Jeremy shrugged . " They all are . Besides , what 's the big deal ? It 's not like you were dating her or anything . " " Known me ? Do you know me - really ? Like did you know I declared my major in sign language yesterday ? And that all I wanted to do was tell her about it tonight ? " He pointed backward to the classroom door . Then he turned back and bobbed his head . " Oh , no . You didn 't know that . Why ? Because we were talking about you all the way over here as usual . Or how about the fact I went to church last Sunday ? Did you know that ? That was something else I wanted to tell her , but thanks to my friends , she didn 't give me the chance . " " What does it matter anyway ? " Jeremy continued as though Rebecca was no more than an annoying fly . " You said it yourself , she 's weird . She dresses weird . She looks weird . She acts like … " He wound his hands around his head . " Come on , Eric . You could do so much better than her . " Anger overtook the concern . " Better for who ? Better for you ? Better for the group ? Or better for me - or do I even get a vote ? " " Eric , man , come on . Calm down . This isn 't war . It 's a girl , a stupid , idiotic girl who 's got you so mixed up you 're not thinking straight . " It took Dena and Emily a full hour to calm Rebecca down enough to get the full story out of her . By the second hour she was down to sniffling and heaving only every other minute . As the third hour approached , fatigue like death dropped over her . She lay down on her stomach on Emily 's bed and dropped her left arm over the side . The soggy Kleenex dangled from her fingers over the pile of its comrades on the floor . " I thought I could do it , you know ? After the other night I thought I could face him , and it wouldn 't hurt so much . But then I saw him , and I just … lost it . " Rebecca pulled herself to sitting , which made her entire body sway dangerously . She felt like she 'd been on the Tilt - a - Whirl far too long " Yeah , but I put it in God 's hands . I thought He would take care of it for me . " " How can you even say that with a straight face ? " Rebecca slid off the bed . " Eric hates me . Whatever shot I never even had with him is gone . Holly 's turned into the roommate I thought I finally got rid of last semester . I can 't even go into my room anymore for fear of finding her with another guy . My parents don 't know I 'm alive . I 'm probably going to fail psychology now because I can 't study notes I don 't have . I don 't really see how anything got any better . " " It 's hard to see from our limited point of view sometimes , " Dena said . " We don 't see all of the pieces . We see part of the puzzle , and from that we say , ' This is how it is . ' But God sees the whole puzzle , all of the pieces . He sees things we can 't . " " You don 't know that , and neither do I . We don 't see all of the pieces . We don 't see the whole picture the way He does . So what it looks like to us at this particular moment may look totally different to Him because He sees how it will ultimately be . " " Remember how we talked about doing it on your own ? " Emily asked , and Rebecca nodded , too spent to reply . " Well , part of not doing it on your own is trusting that whatever is past is gone and whatever is coming is taken care of . Right now is what matters . " " That 's just it . There 's always only one way to go - to Him . Stop one - way praying . Get quiet for a change , and listen to what He 's telling you , and what He 's telling you is despite all this junk is that He loves you . " " Okay . Then let me ask you this . Right now , you have a choice to accept the love God is giving you , or to stay in fear that nobody will ever love you . Which one is more real to you at this moment ? " " You say you want to be loved more than anything , but the truth is you are already loved more than anything . But you refuse to recognize that love because you know it 's scary to be loved . It 's scary to let love in , because what if it doesn 't work out ? What if he loves you and then leaves you ? That would hurt worse than to not have the love in the first place . Right ? " Dena paused . " Right ? " " Yeah . " It hurt to admit it , but she felt like she was on trial . " I just don 't want to be let down again . " She swallowed the tears in her heart . " Everybody . Mom . Dad . The teachers . My grandparents . Everybody . They all thought I was such a loser . " A hard breath of air raked through her throat , and for a moment she couldn 't answer . " How could I not ? I was never as good as Liz Ann . I couldn 't write . I couldn 't read . I couldn 't do math . When I tried to help , whatever I did was never good enough . I 'm such failure , and I know He knows that because He 's been watching . He has to know what a failure He made . I 'm sure He 's sitting up there thinking , ' Man , what a waste of breath she is . I should 've spent my time on somebody else . ' " " You think He looks at you and sees the flaws , " Dena said . " But when He looks at you , what He sees is someone He wants to love . He didn 't create you to be a success . He created you so He 'd have someone to love . Period . Think about it , God can do everything . He made the whole universe by saying , ' Let there be ' and there was . Do you really think He 's worried because He can 't use you now because you aren 't perfect ? You aren 't . You weren 't meant to be . You were meant to be you - flaws and all . Besides , He can do everything without you anyway . He doesn 't need you to be perfect . He doesn 't need you to be anything . All He wants is for you to be you so He can love you . That 's it . Have you ever thought of how your flaws might turn out to be blessings in disguise ? " Tired returned again . " I don 't know . " For the first time there was no reply for a full minute . " I just can 't help but feel like He 's disappointed in me . " " And your perception creates your reality . Right now , your perception is fear , so fear is creating and shaping your reality , but never forget , you can always choose to let love create your reality just as easily as you can let fear . It 's your choice . He wants you to choose love , but He won 't make the choice for you . He won 't force you , but He can help you if you ask . " With a sigh Rebecca nodded . Love . She 'd wanted it , pursued it , grabbed for it and missed it all her life . But she couldn 't shake the understanding that Dena was right . The question was : could it really be as easy as making a new choice ? " I haven 't seen her since she left a couple hours ago for class , " Holly said over the phone lines . Funny how her voice didn 't make his heart jump like he 'd thought it would . " I 'm really sorry . I figured she 'd be back by now . " They signed off , and Eric put the receiver down . If he could think of a single place she would be , he would already be out looking for her . However , as hard as he tried to think , her dorm room and the Student Union were the only two places he could come up with . He had tried the Student Union before he left campus . She wasn 't there . Not that he 'd expected her to be , but it was still worth the effort to know she wasn 't . But if she wasn 't there , and she wasn 't at the dorms , he was at a loss for where she might have gone . " Dang it ! " He hit the edge of the couch with his palm . " What am I doing ? " He raked his fingers across the top of his head . " This is Rebecca we 're talking about here . Why do I care where she is ? " Frustration slid over him . " Oh , great . Now I sound like Jeremy . " Leaning forward , he put his head in his hands . Concern and confusion ripped through him . " This is nuts . I don 't know where she is , and I don 't know why I care so much about where she is . " God , this really isn 't making a lot of sense to me right now . " He shook his head and clamped his feelings down inside him . " She 's just a friend . I hardly know her . " They were excuses every one , and he knew it . He wondered if God believed him because he didn 't even believe himself . " What am I supposed to do ? Every time I try to fix it , I make it worse . Now I don 't know where she is or what I could do or say to her even if I did . " He yanked himself off the couch . " You 're driving me crazy , You know that ? You tell me all this stuff about love and smoke and all that , but how does that help me now ? Huh ? " Stopping in the middle of the walkway between the living area and the kitchen area , he looked up . " Are You even listening here ? This is serious . She 's hurting . I hurt her . I did . I know it . Okay ? I did . And I don 't know what to do about it . " After only a moment , he shook his head again and let his gaze fall . " Why do I even try ? " The light was off when Rebecca made it back to her room as the clock started its upward climb to midnight . She went to her closet , dressed quietly , and tiptoed through the room . Ache and uncertainty followed her every step . Her chest felt like a huge foot was pressing down right in the middle of it . She was in bed with the covers over her head when she first heard the soft voice in the darkness . " Jake 's just a friend . We met the other night at Avalon . " Why Holly was telling her any of this , Rebecca couldn 't clearly surmise , but the story didn 't stop . " He asked me out for coffee today , and one thing led to another . I really thought you were gone . " " Jeez . Sorry I said anything . " For a small eternity no one said anything . " You know , I can 't figure you out . You ream me out for standing him up , and now you won 't even call the guy so he knows you 're all right . What 's up with that ? " Anger and frustration clamped across Rebecca 's chest . How was it that every time she opened her mouth , she made things worse ? If she could find a way to camp out in Emily 's room forever , life might actually have a shot at working out . However , every time Rebecca left and went back to her own world , everything seemed to fall apart . Without making a sound , she vented her thoughts to God although she was perfectly sure He had long since gotten tired of hearing from her . Just after two in the morning , Eric got tired of pacing and slid onto the couch . It wasn 't comfortable , but that was okay . At least this way he would wake up every so often so he could check the phone and make sure it was still working . He wondered if Holly had heard from Rebecca by now . If she had , he wished she would call even if Rebecca hadn 't actually come home . The not knowing was killing him . Having not set an alarm clock , Eric 's morning got off to a horrible start . He knew the second he opened his eyes he was late . Without so much as changing his shirt , he jumped up , raked his fingers through his hair , yanked his backpack from the floor and was out the door . " This is just great . Terrific . Fabulous , " he muttered , the sarcasm dripping from every word . " Now she 's got me late for classes , too . I can 't take notes . I can 't sleep . I can 't eat , and now I 'm going to flunk out because of her . This is just terrific . " Still muttering , he climbed into his car and pulled out into the mid - morning traffic . He wondered even as he fumed if she had made it home last night . He wished he 'd had time to call Holly . With one hand he reached into his backpack and dug for his cell phone . However , upon hitting the on button , he knew he wouldn 't be making that call any time soon . " Figures , " he said , dropping the dead phone back into its original place . He turned left on one street , made a right , and then a left without really thinking about any of the turns . It was as if the car was on autopilot . In fact , his entire system seemed to be on autopilot . He parked , grabbed his backpack , and took off in the direction of the Sign Language building . Even as his feet picked up the pace into a slow jog , he managed to scan the students milling about the sidewalks for her . True he had never seen her on this trek before , but he was hoping against hope that he would today . Otherwise , he was sure to add yet another F to what felt like a growing collection . His heart pounded in his chest as he rounded the last corner , stopped to catch his breath , and then ever - so - quietly pulled the classroom door open . The seat next to Diana , his seat , was unoccupied so he slipped down the side of the room to it . The clock on the back wall said he was at least 20 minutes late ; however , this professor liked to start " right on time , " which for her meant at least three minutes early . He slid into his seat and caught the surprise of Diana 's face . As the professor continued the lecture , Diana leaned over to him . " Nice of you to join us . " " Half a semester . " She smiled at him , and for the first time in forever , he smiled too . In fact , they were reviewing the last four chapters for the test , which was scheduled for Friday . Thinking about that test reminded him of the psychology test , which he had to find time to take between now and Monday . This part of the semester always stressed him out . Too many tests . Too many papers . Too much work . Added to all the other stuff going on in his life , April was a month he was dreading more than words could explain . She smiled , and he followed her out . It was a good thing someone was leading or he might well have gotten lost on the short trek to the Student Union . Once they were seated at a table , sleep tugged at his eyelids even as he fought it off . He yawned and tilted his head from one side to the other . It was going to be a very long day . She shook her head . It was the first time he 'd ever really looked at her , more memorizing her than anything . Long , angled features , the wavy deep auburn hair setting off the cream skin perfectly . Eric absorbed the brunt of the statement . He put his finger to his forehead . " So that 's it then . What you want doesn 't matter ? " Diana shrugged but barely . " There 's only a junior college around there , and it 's almost an hour drive away . I 'll probably just get a job and start working somewhere . " " Same difference . You 're brilliant , and you 're going to throw that away for someone who doesn 't trust you if you aren 't within arm 's reach ? Are you sure this is what you want ? " Screaming at her ran through Eric 's system , but somehow he didn 't . " Oh , come on , Diana . Do you hear yourself ? Do you ? You 're beautiful , and you 're brilliant . You 'd have guys falling all over you if you 'd let them . " Rebecca 's mid - morning class let out early , and the possibility of Holly being in their dorm if she went back was too great to risk it . Besides , she needed some coffee desperately . Sleep the night before was nowhere to be found . Digging in her purse , praying there was a dollar somewhere , she strode into the Student Union . A young man coming the other direction almost crashed into her . She pulled her feet and her search up short . " Oh , sorry . " She turned in his direction . " Well , excuse me to you too , " she said , biting the words in two . As she turned back , her attention started down to her purse , but it snagged on a figure across the room first . In a breath everything stopped around her . Eric . And he wasn 't alone . Rebecca slipped backward into the potted , plastic plant standing next to the door . He hadn 't seen her . For that she was grateful . However , in the next breath , she caught sight of the raven - haired beauty he was sitting with . It wasn 't hard to see they were together . His hand was across the table on hers , and every piece of his attention was focused on her . Then as if in a bad dream , they stood from the table and stepped toward one another . Eric took the raven - haired woman who seemed mostly legs in tight form - fitting jeans into his embrace . Rebecca 's heart fell as she watched him soak in the hug , his eyes falling closed as he did so . Breathing ceased to have meaning . After a long moment they broke apart , and Rebecca knew if she was going to get away before they headed for the doors , now was her chance . In one motion she turned out of the plant , pushed out the door , and stepped into the sunshine . It burned her eyes , making them water . How could she have been so stupid to think she ever had any kind of shot with him ? Of course he had moved on after Holly . And why wouldn 't he ? He probably had a line of girls a mile long to his doorstep . The center of her heart throbbed with the thought , but it was too clear to deny . As much as it hurt he had a life , and it didn 't include people like her . That girl was Holly only with dark hair . Rebecca would never be able to compete with the likes of them even if she wanted to . They were part of the gorgeous people , and so was Eric . Without really seeing where she was going , she walked quickly , brushing the tears back every few steps . In minutes she was in the building for her next class , which didn 't start for over an hour . She wondered for a moment what she would do for lunch after that . Going to the Student Union was now permanently out . She could always stop at one of the dorms somewhere and grab something there . In truth , it probably didn 't matter anyway . The way she felt , eating was last on her priority list . When he made it back to the Student Union after English , Eric really didn 't care about eating . In fact , what he really wanted to do was go home and go to bed , but he needed to eat , and there was nothing in his apartment . He bought a ham sandwich and water and took it to their table . In his mind this would always be their table even if Rebecca never showed up again , which at the moment seemed a distinct possibility . He wondered for the million and first time that day where she was , if she had made it home , if she was all right . His conversation with Diana had done nothing to ease his conscience about Rebecca . As crazy as it sounded , they were a lot alike - Diana and Rebecca . Rebecca didn 't think herself popular or particularly likable , and strangely enough , neither did Diana . He tried to dig into that understanding , but his head was still pounding too much to focus on it long enough to come up with the answer . " Yeah , like Gwen . Gwen 's going into international finance . We 're going to have the life everyone dreams of . Jet - setting to Maui for the weekend , Paris in the summer , New York in the fall . " It wasn 't until that very moment that Eric clearly saw the nightmare which had sideswiped his life . Nothing Jeremy said sounded at all what Eric had envisioned his life to be . He didn 't want to be jet - setting anywhere . All he wanted was someone who loved him more than all the stuff in the world , so that rich or poor , they could make a life together . " Well , I 'm happy for you . " " Yeah , but she will . " Even as he said it , Eric wondered where Rebecca was . He said a little prayer for her safety and for her to find peace - whether that meant he was in the picture or not . On her way from the dorm where she 'd eaten lunch in the corner to the gym where Dance class met , Rebecca couldn 't help but stop at the Student Union . She didn 't go in . She didn 't have to . Instead she looked through the double Dutch door window , and it took nothing at all to see Eric and Jeremy sitting at their table eating . Their table . How funny the phrase seemed now . There was no sign of raven - haired girl , and yet to Rebecca she didn 't have to actually be there to be there . With a sad , tired shake of her head , she turned and trudged back down the concrete steps . " ' Bye , Eric . It was nice knowing you . " The entire day seemed to wither away from that moment forward . It was like she was watching herself live instead of really living . She went to dance class , finished up some research in the library , went back to the dorms and hid out in the downstairs television room until it was time for Bible Study . She considered not going , but she needed it too much . She knew that even if she knew nothing else . Emily greeted her with a hug as did Dena . The others were there as well although in her present state of mind , Rebecca couldn 't put a name to any one of them except Taylor . She sat down on the floor and leaned up against the hardwood of the bed frame . " Dear Lord , we come to You tonight , " Dena said as they all bowed their heads for prayer . " We ask You to be with us as we study Your word . Increase our faith . Amen . " " I have a Holy Spirit moment to share , " Emily said , and everyone seemed to sit forward a few inches . Her soft gaze chanced across Rebecca 's face . " Actually it 's about somebody in this group . " She smiled , and Rebecca 's heart filled with tears of gratefulness for this Holy Spirit friend . " Sunday night I was doing laundry , and our dryers were broken again . I tried the ones on the second floor , but they were full . So I had to go up to the fourth floor . When I went up there to check on the laundry an hour later , I ran into Rebecca . " Putting her head down , Rebecca 's eyes filled , knowing where this was going . " Yeah . I really needed a Holy Spirit friend right then , and I 'm glad He sent Em . " Three weeks before Rebecca would 've credited the encounter to a mere coincidence . Now she understood , no she felt in the depths of her spirit that it was indeed something more - the hand of Someone more powerful and all - knowing than herself . A question drifted through her mind , and she put it into words before she had the chance to dismiss it . " Is life easy for you guys ? " " Well , things seem to work out for you , and you see the Holy Spirit in them . Like you with the video store . Me ? I try to put things in His hands , and then they don 't work out at all , and I 'm either left mad at Him for letting me down , or mad at myself for thinking it would work out in the first place . " " No life doesn 't always work out for us , " Taylor said , and the Southern drawl wrapped around Rebecca . " In fact , I 've been having some trouble with my girlfriend recently . We seem to be moving in different directions . She wants to get married , and I 'm just not ready yet . " He smiled at the group . " Not that I 'm commitment phobic or anything , I just know there are some things that need to be set before I take a step like that . Like I want to have my degree . I think that 's important . More than that , I feel that it 's important for me . I want to have my feet a little more on the ground , but she has this thing about what if something happens . " Taylor 's eyes , though sad , held only acceptance . " I have to trust what the Holy Spirit 's telling me - no matter what someone out there says . Maybe it 's His ways of saying we weren 't meant to be , or maybe He 's saying we have to work out our differences . Right now I 'm not sure . " " It 's hard to listen sometimes , " the other guy said . " Especially when everyone else is telling you you 're wrong . I almost didn 't come to this school because everyone in my family was trying to talk me out of it . " He shook his blonde head . " They thought I should be a doctor because my dad was a doctor . That was great for him , but it wasn 't what I wanted . It wasn 't what I loved to do . They all thought I was crazy to go into elementary teaching . They still do . But when I get quiet and let His Spirit show me the truth , I know I 'm doing what I was meant to do . I 'm where I 'm meant to be , and I would be miserable anywhere else . " " Boy , do I know what you mean , Sam , " Emily said . " My whole family thought I was going to stay home , find a nice guy to marry , and raise a bunch of kids . That 's what my two older cousins did , so that 's what I was expected to do , too . Not that I don 't want a family at some point , but there is this huge pull to get my degree . Until I knew the Holy Spirit , I couldn 't really explain that . Now at least I know where that desire is coming from . " Even Eric 's bones were tired . He should be studying for the psychology test he planned to take the next evening . He should be buying groceries or doing laundry . There was only one more clean T - shirt in his closet . However , he couldn 't think about those things . He couldn 't think period . He flopped onto the bed and was asleep before his eyelids closed . " Think about Mary Magdalene , " Kira said . " Jesus showed up , and she dropped everything to follow Him . In fact , she stuck around even when the disciples took off . That 's kind of what this group has been for me - a recognition that Jesus is what matters . Before I started coming , I was all hung up on should I make this decision or that one , should I date this person or that one or nobody at all . I was tying myself in knots trying to make all these decisions . What I realize now is I was worried about the wrong things . I was worried about things rather than about Him . " " They always said to pray without ceasing , " Bethany said , " but how do you do that ? I mean , if I 'm studying , I 'm not praying . If I 'm out with my friends , I 'm not sitting there , ' Dear Heavenly Father … . ' I don 't get that . " " I didn 't get it to begin with either , " Sam said . " I got up in the morning , ate breakfast , studied , went to work , ate lunch , went to class , came home , ate supper , studied some more , maybe watched a little television or went out with friends , came home and went to bed . There was never time to fit God in anywhere . But you 're making the same mistake I was . I thought praying meant saying one continuous line of words all day and all night . What I didn 't understand now is that prayer isn 't about me just saying words all the time . It 's about tuning in your channel to His frequency . " Now I get up in the morning , eat breakfast , and do all the things I used to do , but now I know God is right there with me through it all . When answers pop up or I get help that seems to come out of nowhere , I know it was Him . Or when I need something and I 'm really at a loss , I know I can just say , ' God , help . ' And He 's right there , and He knows what I need . " Dena shifted her feet under her . " When you start really trusting Him every minute of every day , tuning in to His frequency , you let go of what you think you need and you start trusting that what He knows you need will show up . His timing starts working , His plans start working . You have to give up control , but you get to give up stressing out over every single thing too . " " Like the whole thing with my girlfriend , " Taylor said . " As much as I want it to work out , I trust Him to guide our relationship where it 's supposed to go . If we 're meant to work it out , we will . If we 're not , He 's got a better plan in mind . " " There 's the key . I try . I do . I think , " Taylor said . " When it 's all based on me having to do something or not do something , I end up running in circles . When I start saying , ' I … I … I … ' I know I 'm on the wrong track . But when He 's doing it , it either works or it doesn 't , and either way , I know that 's what He has in mind . " " But we 're not jellyfish ! " The discussion was grating over Rebecca 's every last nerve . " We have to make some decisions . I have to get up and go to class . He doesn 't do that for me . " Rebecca knotted her lips together in frustration . She had grown up with two parents who drilled the belief that you either made it happen or it happens to you - and either way it 's bound to be a mess . This line of thinking smashed that line into a hundred million tiny little pieces . " It 's like we talked about the other night , " Emily said . " About the two trees . You can choose to do it yourself , choosing the tree of the knowledge of good and evil like Adam and Eve did , or you can choose to let Him do it - the Tree of Life . " " It always does , " Taylor said , and the entire group 's attention snapped to him . " I 'm telling you , it does . At first I think the devil tries to see if you really mean it . It 's like he 's right there offering you that apple . It 's like he 's saying , ' No , no . You don 't want to give it to God . You need to be in control . You really want to do it on your own . You can 't trust God anyway . See , when you put things in His hands , they get worse . ' But then the more you do it , the more you see how even the things you thought were worse really weren 't . " " Before you , I would 've tried to help you on my own . I would 've thought God wanted me to fix you because of my experiences . But He 's teaching me to let go of the control I thought was mine and trust Him to say the things you need to hear rather than the things I want to say . I 'm learning as much from Him helping you through me as you 're learning from being here with us . " " Do you think this is how the disciples felt ? " Bethany asked . " After the Holy Spirit came to them . Do you think it was only then that they recognized Jesus in each other rather than thinking He was gone from them ? " " Dear Lord , Thank You so much for each and every assignment here present and the others - our friends and families - in our lives . We know You are with us , guiding us , teaching us - even when we 're not sure where our paths are leading . Please help us , be with us , work in us and through us . Help us to trust that the pieces are being placed where they are meant to be whether we understand them or not . Help us to trust Your promptings on our hearts . We thank You and we praise You . Amen . " " Amen . " The prayer was whispered on Rebecca 's heart . It was seconds and more before she again opened her eyes . God must really love her to have brought her here , of that she had never been more sure . As the group got to their feet , she followed . One by one she went to each one in the group for a hug and to assure them she would be praying for them . As if in a dream she extracted herself from the group and went back to her own room . Holly wasn 't home , but Rebecca hardly noticed . Instead , she got ready for bed and climbed in . " God , I know You 're with me , and I know You have a plan . I can 't see it , but I know You can . " She took a long breath . " I 'm willing to trust that plan - with my family , with Holly … and with Eric . I put my words and my actions in Your hands the next time I see him . Please show me what I 'm supposed to do . " Staci Stallings shares her heart for God with her novels , articles , and conversations . She loves making new friends , writing , and playing piano and guitar . View all posts by Staci Stallings → This entry was posted in A Work In Progress , Novels and tagged A Work in Progress . Bookmark the permalink . ← A Work in Progress , Ch . 13 & 14 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I was flying to San Francisco for a professional conference and my seat - mate was going home after a week of consulting in Washington , DC . We established these facts shortly after I sat down in my aisle seat next to him , and that might have been all we ever learned about one another . He had the look of a quiet man with his lined face and gentle smile , and I 'm not particularly outgoing with strangers . However , I make an exception with people on planes . I like a little conversation , especially at the beginning , to distract me from the whole ordeal . It was January , and we talked about the snow we were leaving behind in DC and the anticipated sun and mist in San Francisco . When the plane finished its ascent , I opened the book on my lap and the man dozed for a while . Then the flight attendant came along offering drinks . My seatmate woke just in time to request a ginger ale . I got tomato juice with lemon , something my late husband liked , especially when he was flying . He used to say he found it soothing . I would have a few sips , just enough to keep me from getting dehydrated . Drinks in hand , the stranger and I turned toward each other and began talking in earnest . When I introduced myself as Helen , he said his name was Daniel . It was quickly established that we were about the same age - his 55 to my 52 - and that he was married and very proud of his family . He told me about his wife Beth , a surgeon , and his three sons , all of whom had gone to the same very fine university where he and Beth had graduated . His youngest was due to finish in the spring . Daniel was trained as a chemical engineer and had worked for the government for a number of years . As a consultant , he traveled frequently to the East Coast to meet with clients . Daniel was very talkative , but in an engaging way . He wanted to know about the conference I was attending and was very interested in my research on teenagers at risk . I had closed my book and when he saw that it was a Willa Cather novel , he told me how much he loved My Antonia when he was in college . He still remembered the lectures one of his professors , a famous and brilliant woman , had given on Cather 's work . A couple of the professor 's observations came readily to his mind , and they were so interesting I wrote them down in the back of my paperback so I could think about them later . Our conversation was spirited and enjoyable . I had the sensation I occasionally get with very nice , unassuming , and not at all predatory married men - that is , he was thinking the same thing I was : It could have been us ; we could have married - maybe still could ! - and we 'd have a great life together . I 'm content with my friends and my colleagues and my very pampered Corgi , and I doubt I will ever marry again , but it is reassuring to feel that mild attraction , to know the embers of possibility have not totally died out . When he asked about my work at the institute , I told him I no longer have direct contact with the population that it was is intended to serve . Thirteen years ago , after Mark 's death , I took a few months off . The institute was going through some restructuring , and when I returned , I left my hands - on position and found a niche doing policy research . During the evenings , I earned a graduate degree in Economics and Public Policy and was promoted to Senior Economic Analyst . About nine years ago , I transferred from our New York headquarters to the institute 's office in Washington , DC . My work is abstract but very interesting , and eventually it will help our target population . If I didn 't believe that , I would quit tomorrow . My new acquaintance listened to all of this with steady attention . When I mentioned the loss of my husband , a pained compassion filled his eyes . Rather than express sympathy , he let me keep talking , and I appreciated that . I hadn 't wanted to get personal . It was just that Mark 's death was part of the story of my career at the institute . The flight attendant came and collected our cups . Now was the time for us to fall quiet again . Daniel turned and looked out the window at the blue sky and striated clouds . I folded up my tray and was about to start reading when he spoke again . " There is so much sadness in the world , " he said . " I can 't imagine how hard it must be for children growing up today . They 've had to live through things that I would never have imagined when I was their age . " He paused . " And they 're under so much pressure . Each of my sons has had at least one classmate or close friend who committed suicide . " I closed my book and looked at him . He was still smiling slightly and his eyes hung on mine as I answered him . " They don 't realize they have options , " I said . " One bad grade , one crisis , doesn 't mean your life is over . The ones who feel so driven , who feel pressured by their parents or their own expectations , have a hard time realizing that . " " All of a sudden , they do . They do fail . They fail an exam or they fail to get into the right school or their girlfriend or boyfriend breaks up with them . " We both fell silent . I sensed that Daniel had more to say , but I was feeling drowsy . I never sleep much the night before flying , but once I 'm in the air and the flight is going well , I like to get some rest . It was a beautiful morning and there was no turbulence and I could feel my eyelids drooping . Still , I was uncomfortably cold and didn 't want to settle for one of the thin little blankets the flight attendants had been passing out earlier . I stood up and retrieved my flannel - lined jacket from the overhead compartment . It was just the layer of warmth I needed so I could sleep for a couple of hours . But then , once I got settled , Daniel started up again . " I had a very happy childhood , " he said in his soft voice . " I spent a lot of time outdoors . I think that makes a difference . " I draped the jacket across my lap and then pulled it up to my chin . I was really fading , but I didn 't want to be impolite to this kind and thoughtful man . " Where are you from ? " I asked him . Rather than simply telling me the name of the town where he grew up , he went back a few generations and told me about his maternal great - grandparents , who had immigrated to Minnesota from Italy . His great - grandmother initially stayed behind in Italy while her husband came to the U . S . in search of a good , stable job . Once he found employment at an iron mine in Minnesota , he returned to Italy for his wife and five children . They settled into their new home and the children started attending school and learning English . Within a year , however , the great - grandfather died during a flu epidemic . Daniel 's great - grandmother , who spoke hardly any English , was left to fend for herself . In time , she found a factory job that paid a pittance of a salary . The children all got jobs as soon as they could . Somehow the family got by . Daniel had much more to tell me . Some people might have found his storytelling irritating , but I was not at all put off . There was something about his soft , earnest voice and that slight smile that I instinctively liked . The only problem was that I was so close to falling asleep . At first I had turned toward him . After a few minutes of this , however , my neck began to ache and I told him I was still listening ; I just needed to get more comfortable and maybe close my eyes . He said he understood and didn 't mean to talk my ear off . " No , " I said , " I 'm very interested . " Encouraged , he resumed his tale . Daniel , when he was a very young boy , had visited his great - grandmother 's home in a small Minnesota town . The house was not remarkable in size or design , but the garden in the front yard had stayed with him always . He remembered the bountiful vegetables and the bright flowers growing along the surrounding fence . His great - grandmother had found a way to feed her children even during the worst years right after their father died . She was an excellent cook and the children grew to be strong and athletic . The most athletic of those children was his grandmother 's oldest brother , Anton . Anton was the best and fastest swimmer in the whole region , perhaps in all of Minnesota at that time , in the 1930s . One summer evening , at a local saloon , a friend bet Anton he couldn 't swim across the Mississippi River and back . Anton bristled and insisted he could , even though , the story went , his friend didn 't really expect him to try . The next morning , Anton set out to prove his point . His friend sat on the riverbank and watched until Anton made it to the other side , and then the friend got bored and went home . Unfortunately , Anton ran into trouble on his return swim and there was no one around to rescue him . He was a very strong swimmer , but the Mississippi was more than his match . " That river looks placid , " Daniel said , " but not only is it very wide ; it 's also very deep in places . There are crosscurrents and vortexes that make it extremely dangerous . You can get pulled down in an instant . " He snapped his fingers for emphasis . " And that 's what happened to Anton . It was a week before his body washed up on shore . " This was startling and sad news and I turned to look right into Daniel 's hazel eyes . There was a little fleck of yellow in one iris , like gold dust . " That 's terrible , " I said . " He wasn 't the only one in the family who came to a tragic end , " Daniel continued . " The second oldest after Anton was my great - aunt Marilee . Based on the pictures I 've seen , she was a real beauty in her youth . " The story of Marilee was indeed very sad . At the age of nineteen , she had married a prominent , older man , a successful businessman , and moved into his house at the center of town . Marilee had been very much in love and seemed poised to have lots of children . Her husband was a good man , well respected in the community . Then , less than a year into their marriage , he returned from a business trip and announced he was leaving her and moving to Chicago . There was no explanation , though one had to think there was another woman involved . " Yes . She was in the local hospital for a while and then she was institutionalized . The family would go visit her , and occasionally , years later , she would be let out for a weekend . But not very often . She spent the remainder of her life in an old - fashioned insane asylum . " I murmured an appropriate response . Daniel then began telling me about the next child in the family , and the next after that , but I missed much of these accounts . There was something about a daredevil pilot who performed all over Minnesota and Wisconsin , and a nurse who married a Romanian immigrant with an incurable disease . I wanted to hear every detail , but the lulling drone of the plane 's engines combined with Daniel 's steady voice made it impossible to stay fully awake . At one point , I must have been repeating , " And then what happened ? " in my sleep . A flight attendant , of the brassy blonde variety , leaned over me and said , " He 's gone to the john , hon . He 'll tell you what happened when he gets back . " I sat up and rubbed my eyes . When Daniel returned , I went off to use the facilities . By now I was fully awake and hungry . I 'm too thrifty and particular about what I eat to buy the food they serve on planes , so I had packed a sandwich and a couple of tangerines . Daniel stared meditatively out the window while I ate the sandwich . I hoped he was not miffed at me for sleeping through parts of his story . When I offered him a tangerine , he hesitated at first and then accepted . That seemed to be all he needed to pick up where he left off . Now , at last , it was time to hear about his grandmother , Rosie . Unlike Marilee she had not gone mad , and unlike the nurse she had not saddled herself with a desperately ill husband . After high school she had married a machinist named Thomas who loved her dearly . They put off having children for a couple of years and saved all the money they could . Then Thomas bought some land along a lake a couple of hours north of Minneapolis . It was not particularly close to the town where they lived , but he knew a good thing when he saw it . Whenever they could spare the time they went out to the lake and together built first one little cabin and then another , and still a third . Thomas knew a lot about carpentry and Rosie was a quick study . Soon she was just as good at building a house as her husband was . After they got the first three cabins built , they began renting two out for the summer and living in the third . With the rent coming in , Rosie no longer needed to work her factory job . She had two baby girls , the younger of whom grew up to be Daniel 's mother . During the summers , they lived at the lake and during the winter months , they traveled to Arizona , where Thomas was able to work as an itinerant machinist . This pattern continued for years . When Daniel 's mother , Sara , was eighteen , she stayed in Tucson and got a job as a secretary . One day her boss invited her to go on a double blind date . She would be paired off with his best friend , and he would be with his best friend 's roommate 's sister . The date was a big hit for all involved , except that Sara and her boss ended up falling in love as did the best friend and the roommate 's sister . Each couple got married within the year and served as godparents for the other 's children . Daniel and his older sister , Katie , grew up in Tucson , but spent every summer of their childhood at the lake in Minnesota . By now Daniel had finished his tangerine . He gathered up the rind and bundled it into the paper towel I had given him . When I offered him a little packet containing a wet napkin , he said , " Thank you very much , " and wiped his fingers slowly and carefully . He had elegant hands , smooth and well manicured . His gold wedding band had a well - worn sheen . " I loved the lake , " Daniel said . " My sister and I ran a stand on my grandparents ' porch and sold soft drinks and paper cups full of worms for the fishermen . We got to be friends with all the summer kids . " When I was ten years old , this kid named Tilton - Tilton Xavier - started coming to the lake with his parents . He became the leader of all the boys and we built this fort in a great big oak tree that hung out over the lake . That was our clubhouse . It seemed so high up ! Then Katie wanted to join the club , and of course all of us boys said no . But my parents said we weren 't being fair . Tilton decided he would devise a test for membership that would keep my sister out . The test he came up with was , each of us had to jump out of the tree fort onto the ground . Anybody who could do that was a member of the club . " What we hadn 't counted on was that Katie was so much taller than the rest of us . It didn 't seem like a very big or dangerous leap to her . She climbed up the tree , went out on the edge of the fort , and jumped down without giving it a second thought . The rest of us were really afraid . " " Oh , yes . We all did . Tilton was the last one to go , oddly enough , even though the test was his idea . I think he was the most scared of all . " I nodded my head but asked no follow - up questions . We had been talking forever , it seemed , or should I say , I had been listening forever . When I got to San Francisco , an old friend of mine would be picking me up and taking me directly to the conference . He would be presenting his research and then I would be presenting mine . After that , I had back - to - back meetings with scholars from Denmark and Italy . There was talk of collaborating on a couple of projects and sharing data , and I needed to be fresh and sharp for the remainder of this very long day . Maybe it was time to shut down the conversation with Daniel . I stretched my legs as best I could in the cramped space and opened my book . It was tempting to say , I was trying to , but curiosity got the better of me . I closed my book . " What was the Bat Tree ? " Smiling again , Daniel said , " The Bat Tree was this old , rotted tree where all the bats hung out . We used to see them on the dead branches , and Tilton suspected that the whole tree trunk was hollow and full of bats . One day he got me to help him knock it down . We pushed and pulled and finally it started to give . When it toppled over , dozens of bats flew out . We were caught in this cloud of bats ! Tilton and I were yelling and screaming and waving our arms trying to push them away . " A little later , Tilton went back and found this one bat that had been knocked unconscious . Maybe one of us had hit it by accident or it banged against the tree . Anyway he put it in a paper bag and took it back to his family 's cabin . He fed it sugar water and cared for it until it was strong enough to be set free . " " Tilton ? Oh , I don 't know . He had this thick mat of dark hair and one of his front teeth was chipped . His voice always sounded a little hoarse , like he was just getting over a sore throat or something . He was a very smart kid , always into things . " " It 's caused me so much shame . To think that I was involved in such cruelty . " He paused and out of the corner of my eye I saw him look down at his hands . A stillness came over me . I knew I would have to listen to whatever he had to say , but I wasn 't going to ask for it . A few more seconds passed . " There were these beautiful frogs in the lake . You don 't see them anymore ; the environment has changed and they 're completely gone from that lake , maybe gone altogether . Big green frogs with black spots on their backs . We used to catch them and take them up into the tree fort and set them on this really long plank that led down to the lake . They had to use it to get back to the water . " " Then one day Tilton got me and the other boys to peel the skins off the frogs . " He lifted his fine - boned hands and I saw that they were trembling . " We peeled their skins off and then - then we made them walk the plank . " I felt the slow curdling sensation inside me that I used to feel in the months - the years - after Mark died . It had been a while , but the sick hopelessness was familiar as ever . I closed my eyes . " It made me stronger later on , " Daniel continued , his soft voice steady in my ear . " It made it easier for me to say no to terrible things . If somebody wanted me to do something unprincipled , I could say no . I would never do something like that again . " I opened my eyes and looked at this man beside me . Perspiration glistened on his upper lip , and his eyes were alert and shining . " This is what you 've been building toward ? " I said . He put up a hand , as if to apologize or make me stop , I wasn 't sure which . " I 'm just telling old stories , " he said . " You got me going . You 're a good listener . " We had only a couple of hours before the plane landed , and there was no point in asking for another seat assignment when I knew the plane was full . I had to get control of my emotions and not be angry . After all , he said he 'd learned from it . He was not like his buddy Tilton . This was a good man . I 'd spent the past four hours thinking that about him . Daniel gave me a quick glance . " There are . I just saw a ski lodge and a road going up to it . There are people living down there , we just can 't see them . " He knew who I was talking about . " I lost track of him . My mother used to try to find out how he was doing , but for the longest time , no one seemed to know . " " Oh , I found him . I knew he was in New York . I knew he was in finance . I just didn 't know how he was . " He let out a brief , rueful laugh . " I had no interest in talking to him or anything like that . " " His name was in the paper and on the news . Later I heard - my mother heard it from one of the people who used to rent a cabin at the lake - I heard he was one of the people who jumped . He jumped from one of those high windows . We heard he was on fire . I don 't know whether that was true . " I had resolved not to cry , no matter what , but it was so hard not to . " Yes , " I said . " First tower . Seventy - third floor . " Daniel had taken my hand between his own and the warmth of his skin felt good . I instinctively knew he would not say another word to me , and I had no desire to say anything further to him . After the plane came to a stop , he let go of my hand . I put my unread book in my shoulder bag , slipped on my jacket , and pulled my bag down from the overhead compartment . There was a large , old - fashioned briefcase with brass locks next to my bag , and I knew it had to be Daniel 's . I grabbed the leather handle and swung it down on the seat next to him . There is always that lag time between when you stand up and when you 're allowed off the plane . I stood there staring straight ahead for a good ten minutes . When the people ahead of me finally started to move , I glanced down at the seat , nervous as always that I might have left something behind . But there was only Daniel and his briefcase . He was looking out the window again . The briefcase lay on its side and I noted that it had a monogram stitched at the top near the brass locks . The letters jumped out at me : TDX . I looked away and then looked back . Now Daniel had righted the briefcase so I couldn 't see the letters . Had I read them correctly ? I decided not to think about it just then . I had a friend to meet , a paper to give , and two important meetings to go to . I would have the whole night , which promised to be a sleepless one , and the rest of my life to think about those initials . The next thing I knew , I was being carried along in the flow of exiting passengers . I was saying goodbye to the flight attendant whose smile looked quite genuine and to the pilot who looked very kind . I hurried along to the lower level and stepped outside in the fresh , breezy air . Eric was just pulling up to the curb . What luck . I 've known him since grad school , another very gentle man . I see him at these annual conferences , rarely in between . He got out of his car and came around to take my bag and hug me . " Are you okay ? " he said , looking me hard in the eye . " Yes , " I said , and I was not crying . " It 's just that there 's so much sadness in the world , so much pain . Nothing makes sense sometimes . " Hilary Holladay is the author of Tipton ( Knox Robinson Publishing ) , a love story set in Oklahoma and Virginia during WWII . Her biography , Herbert Huncke : The Times Square Hustler Who Inspired Jack Kerouac and the Beat Generation , is due out in August 2015 from Schaffner Press . She lives in Orange County , Va . , and blogs about poetry and the Beats at hilaryholladay . com . Previous articleSpock Next articleBetter Call Saul Season 1 , Episode 6 Deconstructed Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website Sign me up for Across the Margin 's newsletter ! Notify me of follow - up comments by email . Notify me of new posts by email . JOIN US & GET ACROSS THE MARGIN IN YOUR INBOX |
Last night started off with me going to bed anxious and not able to sleep . Then came the knock on the door . " Mom , I threw up in the bathroom . " Hey , in the bathroom , no big deal right ? Well , the toilet lid was in the down position and my poor child either did not notice or didn 't have enough time to open it . I will spare you further details of my middle of the night fun . This morning I awoke full of anxiety . Somehow my brain got stuck in worst case scenario mode . Every time I gave a situation to God , telling Him that I have no control over any of the issues , and I want Him to take care of it , I was imagining another series of trauma filled events . I seem to have a creative brain that can spin a soap opera - worthy drama out of even the smallest things . And all seem plausible to me . The rest of the world may view them as crazy , but once I start to thing up these things they seem more likely than any normal positive outcome . This was the state of mind I was in as I entered the dentist office . However , from the receptionist , to the dental hygienist , to the dentist , everyone seemed pre - disposed to put my mind at ease . Nope , my kids do not all have perfect sparkling teeth . But there was no condemnation . Advice and suggestions , yes . Follow up appointments for two of my children , yes . But everything was made easy and fully explained . The boys both had good experiences and left the office happy . And then there was Clara . You take your child in to their first dentist appointment , and well , you expect crying , some stubbornness . I was surprised that Clara was excited about going to the dentist , but she is my child who says " yes , I want to go to the ER " when I use the threat " Do you want to go to the emergency room ? " to try to stop dramatics over small hurts . She seems to block out memories of shots with doctors and only remember that they are people who pay a lot of attention to her and want to know all that she has to say . A dentist is just another kind of doctor . So I got it , but how would she really feel about someone poking around in her mouth . This dentist was prepared for a little diva . Flower sunglasses to protect little eyes from the bright light . A stuffed duck to hold onto . She was right at home . While I was off looking at x - rays of the boys mouths , she was in her chair having the time of her life apparently . Charming the hygienist . No fear and total compliance . And she has those perfect sparkling teeth . Not only clean , but apparently perfectly spaced . She didn 't just manage no problems , the dentist and hygienist were marveling over her little teeth and attitude . I can 't say that I 'm surprised that she 's the one with the healthiest teeth , and I can 't take credit for it . While the boys whine about brushing , Clara fusses and insists that her teeth get brushed regularly . All in all there was nothing to fear . After the dentist we got home , and promptly went back out . After my middle of the night joys , I didn 't want to see what we had for dinner again . Just sayin ' . I took the kids out to lunch . On the way home I drove by my polling place . It looked quiet . So we went in and voted . I brought in my cheat sheet and was copying my answers onto the ballot , all while trying to wrangle my children . And suddenly I noticed that I mis - marked my ballot . The shame , the horror . I meekly backed out of the booth , offending ballot in hand and had to admit that I had messed up my vote . No shame , no condemnation . Just friendly smiles and a fresh new ballot in return for my ripped up , messed up one . I filled out my new ballot , double and triple checking before marking a circle , and then checking once more before putting my ballot in the machine . So my day is nearly over , and nothing terrible has happened . All my worry from the morning was for naught . Could someone please send the memo to my brain that all that worry and worst - case scenario projecting only raised my blood pressure in unhealthy ways . I try reminding it , but it doesn 't listen to me . November 5 , 2012 in Alaska , exercise , Housekeeping , Kids , Uncategorized | Tags : 2012 , Celebrate Recovery , election day , November 6 | Leave a comment Aahhh . Sitting by the fire and relaxing . It 's another day when I feel as if I really haven 't accomplished much today . I guess that 's another thing I should look at while doing Celebrate Recovery . Why it 's so important to " accomplish " stuff every day , and why only certain activities fall in the list of accomplishments . I really haven 't been lazy today . The day started off at physical therapy . I actually really like going . I still dread doctors , but my physical therapist isn 't someone to be dreaded . First , they play worship music in the office . The music with the prints from Shane Lamb studios leads to a relaxing atmosphere . ( Shane Lamb is a painter who paints Alaskan landscapes , and I adore his work , by the way . ) Then my therapist is helping me to work toward getting me into shape with no condemnation . Like , I know my posture is out of wack , but honestly , I 've never know what to do about it . While all my life people have told me " shoulders back , " no one has pointed out what muscles to use and how to properly make them stronger so that putting my " shoulders back " didn 't hurt and wear me out . My therapist never said a word about poor posture , she just looked me over and said , " Now let 's do this exercise , " and then , " Use this muscle instead of that one . " I get it now . And my back adores her . She 's teaching me a lot . Since starting therapy a couple of weeks ago , I 've managed to hurt my back a few more times , but it has never lasted overnight . Plus , I 'm feeling stronger . I felt a bit indulgent going to physical therapy for back pain I could deal with , but I 'm so thankful I 've been going . While I was gone , Chase had the day off work . However , being Chase , he was working hard . My garage is being turned into a home gym . He 's been re - organizing our boxes out there and getting rid of stuff to make room for our gym . He 's cleared space for a treadmill to go with my elliptical , and we bought mats today for the floor to make space for workout videos , yoga , and free weight training . He even brought our extra tv out so that I can play videos to workout to or play DVD 's while I 'm on the elliptical . We just need another DVD player ( actually a 3D BluRay player is on the list of stuff to buy , and the old DVD player will go out to the garage . The kids are all excited about having a space to work out , and Xavier even put in 60 minutes on the elliptical today . Well , I couldn 't be out done by Xavier , I decided that while in workout clothes from physical therapy I should do my daily workout as well . I should really consider that an accomplishment . Taking care of myself is important . The energy and mood benefits from working out make it something I should do often . November 6th is a day I have been dreading . I 'm taking all three kids to the dentist . I hate taking my kids to the dentist and the doctor . It comes from my need to be perfect . Because I 'm not . I feel as if I should be able to make sure my kids have perfectly sparkling teeth , and if they don 't have perfectly sparkling teeth I have failed as a mother . Instead of seeing the dentist as someone who will help me in the goal to have children with perfect sparkling teeth by teaching me tools and tricks , I see the dentist as someone judging me as lacking and deficient as a parent because my kids do not have perfect sparkling teeth . I 'm working on changing how I perceive things , but it 's easier to be in denial than to deal , so I put the appointments out of my mind . However , today , I had to remember . With all three kids going in at once , the receptionist recommended that I print the forms and have them filled out ahead of time . So I needed to get that done . And I needed to find the insurance cards . I got that done in record time , but I 'll admit that the doing of it added stress to my day . Mostly because I still just honestly dread the dentist . November 6th , also happens to be Tuesday , November 6th . And if anyone out there doesn 't know , that means it 's election day . In elections past , I 've been registered in areas I 'm just passing through , so I 've voted for President , Senate , and House , but left most of my ballot blank . What did proposition 12 ( a hypothetical issue , I don 't even know what else was on the ballots elsewhere ) have to do with me when I knew I was moving before it would take affect ? I didn 't feel as if I had much right deciding issues when I had no horse in the race . However , I 've been determined to be an Alaskan since before I moved here . And have loved it here since I arrived . We may leave , but this time knowing I 'll be back . I care now . Being that this is my town , my state , I want my say in all the issues . But I knew nothing about the issues . Tomorrow I get to vote on the fate of 19 Alaska judges , 18 of whom I 'd never heard of before today . I needed to study up on the issues . That took hours . I feel as if I 've been cramming for a test . But I am prepared to go out and vote . I 'm kind of excited , even if this is the fourth time I 've exercised my right to vote this year . So I did all that , but my laundry still isn 't folded . My sheets are over - due for a washing . The list of stuff I need to " accomplish " seems unending . I need to learn to be okay with that . I did what needed to be done today , and laundry can always be done tomorrow . Almost done in this state , this time tomorrow we will be in another state hanging with friends . Or if all of us show our age , we will be in bed after having had a great time with old friends . We just have to get through tomorrow morning first . I really feel for Chase today . Moving is tough business and he 's bearing the brunt of it . My day was easy . I slept in . Don 't know if you 'd call it sleeping in or a mid - morning nap after the early morning I had . Clara woke up at 3 : 30 and didn 't fall back asleep until 6 . As we aren 't home and Clara doesn 't have a section of the house all to herself I stayed with her to keep her quiet so that 2 people didn 't get any sleep as opposed to 5 . Then at 8 : 30 the dog was desperate to go out , and I woke Clara up trying to find the room key . I crawled back into bed at 9 : 10 and did the best I could to get some sleep as my vision was blurry from sleepiness . It was a tough job as Clara has learned to open doors in the past 2 weeks and kept running into my room and crawling into bed with me . At 10 , I was finally awake enough to function so I gave up on the idea of real rest . Hopefully , I can find some tonight . I got to play in the pool and take a walk on the river walk with my kidos . It really was an easy day . Chase had to finish clearing and cleaning the house . I felt really bad when he called around 4 letting me know that he was still hitting it . We got so much work done yesterday , but as Chase told me the more square feet you have to clean the longer it takes . And we wanted to do a super good job . Our landlords have been good to us , and they are in Anchorage . To me that 's a big one , I 'd like them to be friends , so we 're trying to treat them as such before we get there . Inspection is tomorrow . The inspector is a good guy and I wouldn 't expect a hassle from him unless we damaged something , and with the cleaning Chase did I can 't imagine it going any way but well . At 6 I called him , just to check up . At that point I was feeling so bad , I wanted to be there helping . Although , I remind myself with my kids , keeping them from making the job more difficult is helping . But I also knew I got to rest and relax today and Chase spend the day working his behind off . Fortunately , at 6 he and Amber had finished and sheWell , I 'm off to watch Sarah Palin 's Alaska reruns and do my best to show love to Chase . November 3 , 2012 in Alaska , Housekeeping , Marriage | Tags : B Merry Studio , Made in Alaska Festival , Shane Lamb | Leave a comment I 'm sitting in my living room , enjoying the sun coming in the window . I know it won 't be long before the sun won 't come up higher than the mountain , and that at this time of day we may have technical daylight , but I still won 't be seeing the sun . For now , I 'm enjoying it while I 've got it . I look around my sunlit room and see many things that weren 't here a year ago . The walls of this room were somewhat bare for a while . Not completely bare , Starry Night , a picture called Shipwrecked , and a painting of the Arc de Triomphe adorned our walls . But that still left a lot of blank space . We had stuff we could have put there , but we decided not to . When we were first married we lucked out . We hit the jack - pot for poor , still in college newlyweds . My dad had recently remarried and moved into Sally 's house . So we had a houseful of furniture at our disposal . My grandparents had recently downsized so we got decorations . Chase 's sister and brother - in - law also happened to live in the same town we did and were happy to unload stuff from their newlywed years . We had a fully furnished , stocked , and decorated house . It didn 't matter that all the posters were of places we 'd never been , or that other than the Coke collection the decorations reflected other people more than us . It was better than cardboard boxes and bare walls . To this day , I am super thankful for the generosity of all those around us . We had it good . At some point though , it started getting to me . I 'd see things I 'd like , and reflected Chase and I a little bit more , but our walls were full . We 'd walk into other 's homes and see their personalities in each room of the house . People would walk into our house and ask when we were in Austria . Never , we inherited the picture , isn 't it pretty ? I felt we couldn 't take the pictures down , it all had to go up . We were so blessed to be given these things , I couldn 't turn my back on the wonderful stuff we 'd acquired . Then it hit me , these things were not priceless heirlooms being passed down . We would hurt no one 's feeling if we thinned things out a bit . When we moved into our house here , I decided that I would be more selective about what I put up and where I put it . I love my grandmother 's egg collection , particularly the glass ones ( they are pretty and sparkly ) , but the stone and marble ones did nothing for me . So the stone and marble ones are no longer part of the collection . Chase and I love American history , so we devoted one room to all the things we have inherited that depict that theme . Other family heirlooms were relegated to the guest room . I still love seeing them and having them , but as they don 't reflect who Chase and I are , they aren 't front and center any longer . And the posters of places we 've never been , only one ever graced my walls . That one was only up because it was easier to put up a picture than to pull the big nail out of the wall . A big house with lots of wall space , and a determination not to put up what didn 't reflect us left us with a lot of empty walls . It was refreshing . The blank spaces were possibilities waiting to be filled . And I could tell the story behind everything that was up . It didn 't take long before we found stuff to fill some of the spaces . Finding was the easy part . Narrowing down to what would fit and what we could afford , that was the hard part . With hopes of extending , we devised a six - year plan to get all the Alaskan art we desired . First , came a downtown panorama of Anchorage . Next , a poster of Denali . We were given a couple of posters that we loved and just needed to be framed . However , these posters , I have determined , were made to be the most awkward size for framing , so for the longest time they were left , rolled up in a closet . That was before Chase deployed . Suddenly , it was R & R and I still hadn 't made any progress in the framing department . After Chase left again , I lit a fire under myself and took those posters down to Hobby Lobby . One poster I cut to fit a pre - made frame , and for the other , I sucked it up and paid for the custom frame . While Chase was home on R & R , we found our next big art purchase . Still on the six - year plan , we decided that The Cave would be this years major purchase . The week after Chase left , I did the budget , found the money for the picture , and soon another wall was no longer bare . Then , the day before I went to the state fair , our six - year plan bit the dust , branch said " don 't know where you are going , but you can 't stay here . " I made a large withdraw from the ATM the next morning with the determination to find something on our list and get it at the fair . The Shane Lamb booth provided the perfect opportunity to relive my wallet of that money , and two painting came home with me . Since then , I have regained some perspective , we do have over a year left here , not everything has to be bought immediately . However , as the temperatures fall , outdoor activities are ceasing , and Christmas is approaching , the art fair season has begun in Anchorage . Last weekend we went to the Deninia Center . There we did some research on the moose antler on my list , and during that time I fell in love with the carved whales the B Merry studio makes as wellOctober 15 , 2012 I had hours at home with just me and my kids as Chase had to be at work . The original plan had been to be at church and then the church picnic and then clean house . However , I wasn 't quite sure I was up for all that activity . I was feeling better after a bout with sickness the night before , but I wanted to make sure I was feeling my best for the show . So what to do with my time ? I decided to get ready and look good , this was a big date night with my husband , I 'd treat it like that . So I showered , shaved , washed , exfoliated , plucked , lotioned , conditioned , polished , and curled . I was even going to go all out and wear a skirt , until I realized that I own no panty hose . So instead I went for Alaska formal wear , jeans . I even prepped the kids . Clara 's hair was curled , a dress was put on , and I put some make - up on her . I made sure the boys had combed hair . Didn 't mess too much with their clothing choices , we do live in Alaska . I will say that everyone at the show dressed their best , but this is Alaska best . The formal wear I saw ran from what looked like prom dresses to clean jeans and t - shirts . Everyone looked nice , so it works . My boys were wearing clean clothes , so I just asked that Austin put on long sleeves under his Shrek t - shirt ( he gets cold so easily , I just wanted him to be comfortable all night long ) . My plan was to have all of us ready by four . At four , I was putting my stuff into a different purse , hey , I wanted the whole look to be perfect and the brown bag went with my brown boots , brown sweater , brown wrap , etc . Before I had everything in , Chase called . He was done with what he had to do , did I want to come down for dinner ? I had been hoping for dinner out with Chase all day . That 's why I wanted to have make - up on and hair curled by four , just in case . Then he asks did I want to meet him at Qdoba , or did we want to try Olive Garden . So , I 've been craving Olive Garden all week , since clipping a coupon in last Sunday 's paper for Olive Garden . But it was just a bit after four , and we had a show at 7 : 30 , could we make it ? Here 's the thing . Anchorage just got Alaska 's first Olive Garden earlier this year . People drove down from Fairbanks and up from Homer when it opened . The day they opened , before they opened their doors there was already a two hour wait to be seated . Things have calmed down a bit since then , but trying to eat there , especially for dinner , can be crazy . It 's still a novelty . It 's still the only one , another one will be opening soon , but it 's not open yet . Even though we all probably know local restaurants that can give Olive Garden 's entrées a run for their money , Piccolino 's lasagna can 't be topped , the novelty of it being something that people in the Lower 48 can get , and we haven 't been able to , gives the new chain restaurant much appeal . When watching tv , especially in the winter when we are hiding in our houses from the cold , dark world outside , we see the same commercials as everyone else . The national ad for Olive Garden , or for Red Lobster , airs here as it does everywhere else . It doesn 't matter that the nearest location is 2 , 000 miles away , it 's a national ad , so it airs . And we drool and get jealous . Then Olive Garden comes , and we come in droves as if led by the Pied Piper . All that to say , I wanted to go to Olive Garden , and I knew we needed to get there fast if we were going to wait the wait to be seated , eat and still make it to Shrek in time . I hastily assembled my purse and loaded the kids in the van . We made it to Olive Garden before 5 , and had a 35 - 40 minute wait . Here they usually overestimate the amount of time needed to seat you , so we were good . Chase arrived with a friend from college who had also joined the Army and is stationed at Wainwright , but was down here for a bit . As we were talking and waiting , I started thinking about going to the show . I knew Chase had his ticket , so if time got to be an issue , he could drop us off by the door , and the kids and I could go in with our tickets , which were still sitting on the table from when I got Chase 's ticket out to give him that morning . In my haste to get to dinner on time , I forgot to grab the tickets . I looked at Chase and told him " Your wife may have forgot the tickets . " I said good - bye and ran to the van . With no kids in the car , and a husband that I really wanted to have dinner with , I drove like an Alaskan on the highway on the drive home to retrieve the tickets . I was at the table before the appetizer . Here , I must , with joy , point out that the evening was not ruined . In the past , I would have beat myself up over my mistake , and turned it into a big deal . Last night , instead of stressing , I did what needed to be done . In the past , I would have been worked up , I would have needed someone else to take charge and at the least tell me what to do . And then I would have resented that they needed to take charge and been irritable . I 'm so thankful that God is helping me to not be that woman any longer . Dinner was great . We had fun . The waiter had been made aware that we were in a hurry , so he kept things coming . I relaxed and stopped looking at the time . I wasn 't the only one who was having so much fun and enjoying the moment that time went out the window . We left the restaurant at five till seven . We had thirty - five minutes to drop our friend back at the barracks , drive downtown , park and get seated before the show started . I 'm still amazed that waves of stress didn 't begin to roll over me , change my attitude and bring strife to the night . It 's so not like me to remain calm . But things were going so well . The night was so good , and still had such good potential . I didn 't want to ruin it by starting arguments . I didn 't want to ruin it by driving my husband crazy with questions like " Do you think we will make it ? " , " What are we gonna do if we are late ? " I decided we should just do what we had to do . Drop by the barracks , drive downtown , and go to the show . If there on time , great . If not , so we miss a couple of minutes of the show , we 'd still get to see most of it . Chase dropped off the kids and me by the theater . We made it in just as the announcement that five minutes till the start of the show came over the loudspeaker . I decided to take the kids and sit down . They take a while to get settled and I knew Chase could find us . As the lights dimmed , the seat next to me was empty . When Shrek appeared on stage , the seat next to me was empty . But before Shrek even met Donkey , the seat was filled . I relaxed completely and enjoyed the show . It was a good show , and we had killer seats . During intermission I even ran into the wife of the owner of Chepos . It 's horrible I don 't know her name , but we see her weekly at the restaurant and she spoils my kids rotten . We chatted in line waiting for the facilities . When I sat down I began to read the program , and laughed as I read the director 's note saying he wanted this play to bring the community together . To be something to talk with your neighbors about during the week after seeing each other at the show . I thought how this lady and I have another link in a chain toward a relationship after seeing each other at the show . So we laughed , at one point so hard I nearly cried , we cheered and we watched Shrek marry Fiona . Then it was very late , and time to head home . As I got Clara ready to leave , I noticed that she was missing earmuffs and gloves . Again , this would have been cause for high levels of stress for old Lori , but this Lori knows something . It 's not a big deal . I knew where they had to be , Olive Garden . And I knew , even if not there , it was just earmuffs and gloves . My daughter is not short on cold weather gear . As Chase 's car was still at Olive Garden , he suggested we not delay and just retrieve them while we dropped him at the car . A sign on the door said , no re - entry after 10 , but I knew they wouldn 't be yet really closing , people were still eating there after all , so I snuck in . They hostesses were so nice and had Clara 's stuff waiting for her . Going to bed at the end of the night , I was amazed at how well the whole night went . There were so many triggers for stress . But everyone involved chose to remain relaxed , everyone chose to have a good time no matter what . And it was a magical night . A night full of only good memories . A night that brought us closer as a family . The Dream : Knowing that Chase would most likely be home today I bought matinée tickets to see Shrek the Musical . I knew the whole family would love seeing it . The matinée time was perfect , we could go to first service at church , eat a quick lunch , see the show , have a dinner someplace nice downtown and be home and in bed at a decent hour for Chase to work on Monday and the kids and I to do school Monday morning . The first road block : Impact Eagle River . So I love Impact Eagle River , I think it 's awesome that our church is up for closing the church doors and going out taking care of the community . However , the announcement for which Sunday Impact Eagle River would be wasn 't until after I had my tickets . I decided no problem . I 'd wait for Chase to get home , then we would choose a project we could do as a family and possibly leave a bit early to prepare for the show . No big deal . The second road block : Someone in their infinite wisdom decided that the weekend would be the perfect time to reverse DTS . I know scheduling this can be a big , hairy mess , there are regulations and several moving parts , and blah blah blah . I 've sat with a commander trying to figure out how to do what needs to be done and respect the need for soldiers to spend time with their families . It 's messy . I wasn 't there this time , so I don 't really know what went down . However , as I see things , I 'm not overly sure how family fit into the picture . The days the men were completely given off were weekdays . Days that children would have to go to school , and most working wives would have to work . The first couple days off , were days off for everyone , but the guys had to go on base to sign in , that 's not really a day off . So then when they were able to have a complete day to themselves , it was really a day to themselves . Who knows , maybe some men like it better that way . Then we get to the weekend , when families could really spend time together . That 's when the soldiers have to go back to work . And people in high places wonder why the Army is so hard on families . Let me tell you , as a family member , I feel like family is priority last right now . Yeah , my family dynamic is different from most families . We have been able to be flexible . Homeschooling , we were able to take the week off and just have Daddy time . Homeschooling , I work from home and make my own hours , so I was able to enjoy my husband . My biggest complaint is that my husband could no longer participate in Impact Eagle River and we had to get new Shrek tickets . This road block more pisses me off for everyone else . Everyone out there living the lifestyle that feels like it 's being pushed on us , especially here . Put your kids in school because they need the socialization . Too young for school , put them in a CDC , anything but keep them at home . Go get a job because you need your own identity . Of course , if you don 't need the money from a job , you need tRoad block number 3 : So I 'd been wondering to head off to church in the early morning hours ( okay , nine but still earlier than Chase would have to be leaving for work ) , or spend time with my husband in the morning . A late night upset tummy answered that question for me . I will be spending my day taking it easy hoping and praying that whatever came is gone for good so that I can enjoy the evening performance of Shrek . From the dream we now have reality . A day spent working hard to not be sick . Possibly no time for going out to dinner , and eating leftovers . And the last show of Shrek . I 'm not as worried about the lateness of the hour , but I am remembering how the last showing of a show went in college . I 'm hoping that a professional company would have more … well … professionalism . But lingering doubt has me remembering one of the directors saying it 's how show business is done . Okay , real reality . It 's a beautiful day . The sun is shining and the ground is covered in snow . I have all day to make my self look like I 'm going to the theater . If today is like yesterday , we should at least have time to meet Chase somewhere for fast food before going to the show . And I get to go see an awesome show . Sounds like a dream of a day after all . October 13 , 2012 in Army , FRG , Kids , Marriage | Leave a comment Before long Married to the Army Alaska will be airing . Teaser clips are up on YouTube . I have to say that while I struggled with not even making the cut to the official phone interview , I am now so glad I didn 't make the cut . I love blogging , where I have control over what is seen , and how it 's seen . I try to include the good , the bad , and the ugly . But it 's all real and authentic . You don 't have only the five bad moments and have the fifty good ones cut . Now , I don 't know what the show will be like , but I 'm pretty sure the show will leave several of the wifes saying that what is seen is not an accurate portrayal of her . Or maybe not . Since the show has not aired yet , and I don 't have cable to see it when it does air , I can 't really say if it 's what my life is like or not . However , since my husband came home we 've been watching Army Wives , we are a couple of episodes into the second season and I can tell you what from that show is real and what is not so much . I 'll start with the characters . First , is Claudia Joy Holden . I love her , and I love her husband . But every time I watch I thank my husband that his job is not one where politics come into play . It would be rare ( or me doing something totally outrageous ) for my actions to be scrutinized to the point where a promotion , or a job could hang in the balance . The public will not look at my husband as a leader , so I will not be looked at as the wife of a leader . My husband says that an officer always has the choice whether or not to put the pressure of the public on his wife , but he also puts his ultimate trust in God , not in the system . The truth is , the episode where she had to kick her friend out because of possible press issues really isn 't that far off . There are many officers , and even NCO 's in the military who know that what the family does reflects on them , so they put a lot of pressure on the family to be perfect . The kids must know Latin by the time they are twelve . The sons must excel at football . The daughters must watch who they date . The wife must be involved in the FRG , the spouse 's club , and all sorts of things on post . And she must always act with grace and poise . I 'm pretty lucky . My husband takes the attitude that he joined the Army not me , so anything I do is up to me . I decided this year to take time off from PWOC and the FRG and the wives coffee , and my husband didn 't worry that would take me away from all the good spousal networking I could do for him . He 's okay that even when I did all that stuff I never logged into VMIS , because I don 't care about the awards and recognition from the garrison commander . He doesn 't care either . What I do is for me , and only me . Not saying a little spousal networking is wrong , it can be done in the way of Claudia Joy , with grace . Just glad that I don 't have to worry about it . Denise Sherwood . The good girl . She does everything just by the book . Chase laughed the first episode when she answered the phone " Major Sherwood 's residence . " Yeah , I remember when I read that part of the handbook . I think I may have even asked my husband if he wanted me to answer that way . He seems to find the whole thing a little pretentious . I 've been told , that if I do start trying to follow that rule , I get lectured that most people just say " hello . " In the first season she is hiding that her son is beating her while her husband is gone . Now , no one would actually say that she should hide that , but Army wife culture would say that she did everything right . You hide your problems from those around you . Stuff like an abusive son really could hurt the husband 's career . Someone might wonder if he got the idea that hitting was okay from the dad . Others might questions the father 's ability to lead if he couldn 't control his son . So family problems stay in the family . Secrets are big in the military . Us wives are also told that while our husband is gone we should tell him what he needs to hear so that he can concentrate on his job , not worry about us here . Kids doing bad in school ? Don 't tell him , if he 's worried about the kids , he can 't focus on his job . You just got fired ? Gloss it over . Car got repo - ed ? Tell him when he comes home . Don 't even tell him you miss him , he needs to think everything is working as smoothly as clockwork in his absence . I honestly hope this is being told to wives less and less because it 's wrong . First , he needs to know you need him . He will have a hard time coming home if he thinks he wasn 't even missed . Second , he 'll find out you are lying at some point . Either he can hear it in your voice , and he wonders what 's up . Or he will come home and find his life turned upside down , like Major Sherwood did . For a guy who is deployed , trust is huge . He has to trust the guys he works with because his life hangs in the balance . A breach of trust is just about theRoxie . The naive new wife . I 've had moments I want to call up a commander and complain about treatment my husband has been receiving . I 've been known to want to explain to the commander just how his dumb ideas are affecting my husband 's life . Never done it though , and my husband is eternally thankful . Not that as FRG leader I never argued with a commander , but that was on behalf of all families and soldiers , not just mine . I 'll also admit to having my days of staying in my pj 's all day long , not wanting to leave the house in case my husband calls , and all that stuff . However , it 's up to the wife to put her big girl pants on and get over it . She can 't run to the XO to get reassurance before she moves on . But I love that she never got the rule book on how to behave . She and her husband make up their own rule book as they go along . I think we 'd all be a lot more authentic and grow a lot closer as military wives if we followed their lead . Pamela . My husband isn 't SF , and I am every thankful for that because he can talk with me about what he does . We grow closer and bond over that . I think it was good for the both of us to talk over the June 1 attack together . What he felt , what I felt . I can 't imagine knowing that my husband must be seeing and doing some of the most emotional challenging things in the Army and not being able to help . I did find it funny that she was one of the wives in favor of the wife going to congress for an investigation into her husband 's death . I totally agree , but as an SF wife , her husband 's death would be classified and she would not get any answers . The Burtons . I was yelling at the tv when Joan asked her husband what he would have done in the situation with the little girl . Even before he answered . " The right answer is ' I don 't know ! " He blew that one . So I 'm telling you now , if you haven 't even been to basic training much less haven 't been deployed , the answer is " I don 't know . " You dont ' know how you would react in any situation . You might know what you 'd like to think you 'd do , but honestly , you don 't know if you 'd pee your pants and cry for momma if you had to deal with any of the stuff our deployed soldiers had to deal with . Correct answer is " I don 't know . " Period . He could have also been logical and told her that if she 's tried to save the girl she would have given away her and her troops position and then they would have all come home in a box . Remind her that it 's one thing to want to be a hero , but her mission is to make sure that our guys come home alive with all parts attached if at all possible . Just saying . Mrs . Baker . The sad thing is that she does exist . The wife that is so entrenched in the culture that she will say or do anything to get the next promotion . A promotion for him is a promotion for her . Yes , there are totally women who would step on anyone to get her way . There are also officers and NCO 's that feel the same way . I could tell stories . But I won 't . The soldier who blew up the hump bar . Most soldiers don 't beat their wives . Most soldiers have more control than that . However , with the culture of cover up and secrets in the Army , you never know , usually until it 's too late . What else about the show ? I 've yet to be in a FRG that involved . But I think the show shows what a FRG is supposed to be , but just isn 't . Never been to a Jody bar , but know that 's what some wives do . What Pam said about making friends fast is true , you don 't have time to ease into relationships . Then when you do , you hold fast , you have your gang , like the spouses in the show . I 'd say it 's unusual for there to be such diversity in spouse 's rank , but my best friends is an NCO 's wife , and well the whole bonding by birth in a bar does give a plausible explanation for them all choosing each other . Life isn 't that much drama , but who wants to watch a show where the most excitement is changing yet another poopy diaper ? October 13 , 2012 in Kids , Marriage , moving | Leave a comment Another post from the past . Thinking about leaving our last house makes me think about how much I will hate to leave here . But here has been so wonderful , I know that our next post will be great . Can I just start by saying that I have the best husband ever ? He is so supportive of me . He 's so supportive of me writing this . Yesterday , after all our stuff was packed and we were done with moving stuff for the day he tells me that I can use the laptop for writing my notes , I don 't have to worry about using my I - Pod . Not that there was any reason that I couldn 't use it , I just wasn 't thinking about it . It was also out of the blue , he was just making sure that I would be able to do my thing and with as much ease as possible . Tonight , he got off the computer so that I could write . I think that is so cool . He 's also wonderful because he 's totally down with me hanging at the hotel with the kids while he and Amber clean . Not that this isn 't the best idea , at the house I would be spending the whole time keeping Clara from making more messes , but it 's still cool that he 's so cool with it . All but a few things Chase will pack in the van tomorrow are out of the house . I all but sobbed as we walked out of the house tonight . It was probably the last time I will see that house . We had some good times there . Looking at the back door I could see my tree . What made that tree special ? It 's the first real tree I set up without an " expert " ( meaning my dad or Chase ) there . I had Xavier because as I learned setting up a tree is a two man job . It was also the biggest tree we 've ever had . I had to stand on the step ladder to do the lights and the angel . Looking up at the catwalk I could almost see little legs hanging over it . I can remember the mornings I thought I was up before the kids and I was doing stuff on the computer , but though I couldn 't hear a thing I just had this feeling I wasn 't alone . I 'd turn around and there would be Austin . We had a short time there , but it was a good time . We had so much fun . It was also my last goodbye for this town . My time in here really is over . This was a great summer . But as much as I will miss it , I am ready to move on . This has been a vacation , but I 'm ready to get back into things . I 'm ready for Chase to have a unit and for me to be a part of the FRG . It 's time to be involved in a church for the long haul . It 's time to make friends that I know I can return the favors they do for me , I won 't be leaving before they can cash in their IOUs . I have to admit , I am leaving in debt to many neighbors and friends for bailing me out when I needed it . I 'm so tired I honestly don 't know what else to say . I know there is much more to say , but my brain has checked out . I also need to help my daughter find rest . It will be found , she will learn to deal with sleeping in a hotel room quickly because this will be a long trip if she doesn 't . October 12 , 2012 in Alaska , Marriage , Uncategorized | Tags : Celebrate Recovery | Leave a comment So , first I must brag , I love when I 'm getting my netbook out and my husband asks if I 'm writing and then says " cool . " It 's so good to know that he supports me in this . I would not do this without that support , and I honestly have fun writing . Today was a great day . Yesterday , not so much , which made today even better . Yesterday , I woke up feeling cruddy , and after a visit to the doctor 's office in the morning , I basically slept the rest of the day away . Ending with going to bed feeling worse than when the day began . Today , I woke up feeling still a little off , but a big day was planned and there was no time for being sick . So I just went with the day . Still not feeling 100 % , but oh , so much better than yesterday . The first activity of the day was a Hispanic Heritage event on the Air Force side of the base . Julie was going and I decided that we would attend that instead of doing our usual Friday workout . My original plan was to head to her house and the caravan over . I still get super - duper lost on post ( remember the air show ) so I knew I would need help finding my way to Hangar 1 . So when Julie called at 5 till 1 saying her husband had to be there an hour early , I did the math . The event started at 2 , so they were leaving right then . My plan to follow someone was toast . Plan B , in our old van , I knew exactly where the JBER map was , the hangar had to be on the map . Don 't know if it was or wasn 't , the map was one of the things I still have moved into our new van , along with a trash receptacle and a box of Kleenex . So I headed out . I knew where the air field was , and used common sense to deduce the hanger would be near the air field . I 'm still in shock that worked . I found the hangers right away . Then I had to determine which hanger was which . I 'm eternally grateful to the man who invented cell phones , they come in very handy . I called Julie who stood outside the correct building , and I got there . Okay , so I went for the food , and cause Julie went . I figured there would be a speaker . I also figured the speaker would follow in the tradition of most speakers I 've ever had to listen to and be long - winded and boring . The dude that spoke was awesome . He talked about growing up in Mexico , then coming to the United States and hearing about how we are " 45 % Irish , 30 % German , with a little of the Netherlands thrown in " ( so not an exact quote , but you get the jist , right ? ) . That got him thinking about Hispanic culture , and how even as Mexican , there was a lot thrown in there . You have the Aztecs , and the Spanish , but then with the Spanish you get a lot of Muslim influence because Spain was controlled by Muslims for a long time . He taught us that Spanish words that start with " al " are from the Muslim influence . Then he talked about coming here . How after like a week or two or so ( I 'm so bad with details , I should have taken notes ) he had a job . A job that was supposed to be temporary and has lasted him the past 11 years . Then he talked about wanting to give his kids , and our kids , his grandchildren and our grandchildren the same opportunity . And then all of a sudden he was done . I so wanted more . I could have listened to him talk culture and community for a while longer . But after that was the Mexican food , so I stopped complaining and stuffed my mouth . Chase was supposed to meet us there , but he still hadn 't come . I was bummed that he was missing out on the food . Then I remembered all those times he 's brought back a plate for me . I did something then , I rarely do . I got a plate of food to take to him . And then he came , so it wasn 't needed . But I 'm still a little proud of myself for thinking of my husband , and trying to do something nice for him . After that we went to CR as a family . I 'm so glad my husband went with me . Even if he doesn 't keep going , that he would try out something so off the wall as CR , just because it means something to me . I have the best husband . When CR was over people were saying the Northern Lights were out . We all ran outside to look . My children , being my children , went saw , and immediately ran in to the snacks . Chase and I were so excited we decided to drive up Mt . Baldy ( along with half the local population ) . They were so amazing tonight . I have seen them once before , and that time they faded and changed . Tonight they danced with movement and changing intensity . It was amazing . I was so glad to have my husband home . With him home there was no question , do we drive up Mt . Baldy in the dark , with bunches of cars and other people all around , we just did it . Plus , even with all the other people around , it was awfully romantic holding hands in the dark . October 9 , 2012 in Marriage | 1 comment All my crazy fears about redeployment were that , crazy . Everything since I picked Chase up Saturday morning has been wonderful . We 've been so relaxed , and happy , and in love . I could go on and on , but I 'm sure you don 't really want to hear me gush over how much I love my husband and how happy I am that he 's home . I do tell him though . I think a lot of it is that I 'm different . Chase is different too , but I am very aware of how I 'm changing , for the better . Like yesterday , when Chase was out doing outside work . I wanted to be out there with him . I wanted to work alongside him . And I wanted to have all that stuff done in the past so that he didn 't have to do it . First , I can 't change the past , so worrying about it wouldn 't matter one bit . Second , I made myself relax , telling myself that while Chase was gone I was doing the best I could taking care of myself and my kids . The stuff I didn 't do … well , it was okay that I didn 't do it . Chase wasn 't complaining that it wasn 't done , he was just doing what he does . Taking care of things . Third , I would have been outside more , but my back hasn 't yet completely healed , and yesterday was a really , really bad back day . So I stayed inside and rested my aching back a lot . And that was okay . I was doing what needed to be done . In the past I would have let all that guilt consume me , and I would have transferred my feelings to Chase . In my head , me being upset with me would lead to Chase must be upset with me . But this time I stopped myself . I told myself that if Chase was upset with something , he 's a big boy , he can tell me . So until he tells me , I will not assume he has bad feelings . This enabled me to treat him like he 's a wonderful provider and love on him for what he did , instead of trying to manage a fight Chase never signed up for . In fact , I 'm working to let go of all preconceived notions , or things that others have told me , and only listen to Chase when it comes to our relationship and our marriage . If he hasn 't stated his feelings about something , I 'm not gonna assume I know how he feels . I will let him speak for himself . I 've also stopped second - guessing myself over everything . This kinda ties to letting Chase speak for himself . I don 't have to try to figure out in my mind what he wants . I already know what he 's already said , and if something is new territory , we will find out together . So now I speak and act for me , and let him make his own decisions instead of me trying to figure it all out myself before speaking or acting . It 's funny , I think God must have made us for each other . My natural instincts tend to be what he wants . In the past I have denied us both that because I 've talked myself out it . |
youre making some I 'll have a coffee , ' replied Jenny , ' and yes - anything to make the time go by . ' The two nurses laughed . It was indeed turning out to be a long night . Alison Brooks and Jenny Adebisi , along with a third nurse , Jane Hao , were employees of a private and wait for the arrival of the patients , the first of whom was due to arrive at 6 . 30 am . It was now 3 , and the girls ' work was done . So they were doing their best to pass the time , chatting and drinking copious amounts of tea . Alison was 27 and had been an NHS staff nurse for five years . She had for a long time resisted joining the private health sector on principle , before succumbing to the economic temptations . The job at Bryantern had seemed too good to resist . A small , discreet facility in Harrow , usually no more than three something slightly strange about the Bryantern facility , as Alison had often noted to herself . In place of the scrubs usually favored in the NHS , the nurses wore a more traditional uniform - a white dress , blue buckle belt , black sheer tights and black shoes . The dresses were slightly shorter than the usual NHS length , too - finishing just above the knee . Alison , who was 5 ' 8 ' ' , slim , and with long fair hair , had also noted that while the other nurses were clearly qualified professionals , they had also been chosen for their looks . Her companions for the night shift were a case in point . Alison didn 't know Jenny Adebisi was 25 , and from Ibadan in Nigeria . She too was around 5 ' 8 ' ' , very slim , and with the kind of figure which a nurses ' dress naturally compliments . She had qualified in nursing in Ibadan and had then come to England , where she began working at Bryantern straight away . Jane Hao was 28 , an immigrant from Hong Kong . She was a little smaller , only 5 ' 6 ' ' , but also with sharp , striking good looks and a slim rest home , ' her sister had said to her , when Alison described her new job . And it was true . Still , the other girls were fun and Alison figured she 'd keep the job for a while and maybe save money . Jenny had turned out to be a good companion for a long night shift . The Nigerian girl was naturally vivacious , and she enjoyed discussing her love life with a certain surreal sense of humor and an eye for detail which kept her colleagues constantly amused . ' I cannot believe this man , ' she would say in her heavy Nigerian accent , ' I say to him ' man , you need to put a condom on - or forget it . He tells me ' as long as we wash afterward , its all right . ' What a fool . This is Africa . ' And the three would join in their laughter . As for Jane , Alison hadn 't really had a chance to talk to her one on one . She seemed quieter , efficient , polite but with a certain distance . In any case , Alison thought , just three more hours , then we can get the new ones settled in and hand over - and then home , and sleep . And not before time . ' I 'll just go and take a look in room 14 , ' she told the others after a few moments silence . ' The Russian guy should be arriving at around 7 or so and I want just to make sure that the oxygen equipment is all ready to go there . " And she raised herself up from her chair , pulling down her dress which had ridden up a little as she did so . ' go there , ' said Jenny as Alison opened the door , ' but make sure you don 't fall asleep on the bed . We still have to go through the patient files here . ' The fair - haired girl laughed as she exited , ' wouldn 't miss it for the world ' , she said , catching Jenny 's eye . Katya placed the second microphone carefully beneath the bed . That should do it , she thought . Two devices in place for when Mr Rudnitski arrived . Her job was done . Now all she had to do was to get back to the sluice room and wait for the place to fill up , before quietly slipping out . Everything appeared to be going to plan . Katya hadn 't wanted to take this particular job . She was tired , having just returned from an assignment assisting aid convoys into northern Syria . But the old man had asked especially for her , saying it was a relatively minor task , but one which would suit her skills . And she had been happy to play a part in helping to gather evidence against Semyon Rudnitski . ' You know who Rudnitski is , right ? ' the old man had asked her . She knew , all right . Semyon Rudnitski , ' businessman , ' former KGB officer , arms dealer , trafficker in women , dealer in misery . Rudnitski had interests Chervinskaya was 32 . She was a former member of a special unit of the Moscow police department - trained in firearms , martial arts , and later in investigation and covert methods . But she had left the service , disgusted by the corruption and nepotism , the extent to which all was for sale . Since then , she had worked in private security , as a bodyguard , and then for an investigations firm . She was 5 ' 9 ' ' , with a superbly toned body and long , straight brown hair and a charming but slightly toothy Russian smile . Her work for the old man derived from her investigations portfolio . The democratic pretensions . So he financed civil society projects and when these needed a security element , Katya and a few others could be called in . This mission was a fairly straightforward one . Rudnitski was having surgery and would be convalescing in the Bryantern facility . During that time , his business meetings would be conducted from his hospital room . Yashin wanted microphones placed in the room . Katya had watched the facility for a couple of days before concluding her plan . During the day , it was relatively easy to move about there , but not possible to place the mics because of the large number of people about . But she had concluded that room 14 would be Rudnitski 's because of the obvious security considerations that had gone into its isolated location and private elevator . She had entered the facility without problems at 4 pm . Then she had hidden herself in a sluice room , waiting for night to come so that she could place the microphones and then return to her place of hiding . Once daylight came and the place filled up , she thought she would be able to slip out with no problem . Everything voices as three nurses went about their business preparing the rooms . This was unexpected . Katya had thought only the single security guard at the entrance would be there all night . Nevertheless , it wasn 't an insurmountable problem . Katya figured she ought to be able to reach room 14 while the three girls were relaxing in their office . And if absolutely necessary , she was armed and had brought along a surgical mask and a supply of chloroform which she would deploy if subduing one or more of the nurses became necessary . She hoped she wouldn 't need to use any of this equipment , though . She preferred to keep things clean , and simple . It was not to be . She had just completed the placing of the device and was getting up to begin her exit when the door a single smooth movement she drew her Glock 19 from her shoulder holster and directed it at the nurse . Then , with a quiet , sharp , hissing tone that would brook no objections , and with her Russian accent more pronounced than usual , ' Shut the door . Get in here quick or you 're dead . Don 't say a word . Shut your mouth . ' The terrified nurse obeyed , her blue eyes focused only on the weapon pointed at her . Its barrel , the possibility of sudden death . Katya directed the girl toward a chair by the bed . ' Sit down , nurse . Now , you and me are going to have a quick talk . I don 't have much time . And if you answer everything to my satisfaction , I wont have to hurt you . Clear ? ' Alison nodded . What the hell was going on , she thought to herself . How had this person got in ? what could be happening ? But she had no time to think . The questions came fast . ' What 's your name , nurse ? ' ' Alison . ' ' Ok Alison - I need to know - is there any way out of here except by the front entrance ? Any back door , staff entrance , something like that ? ' ' N - no , ' Alison stammered , ' only the front way . The windows are all barred on the ground floor . Theres only that entrance . ' ' ok , Alison , ' a plan was already forming in Katya 's mind . The one 's reactions , to keep cool , and maintain detachment . She would get out of this . With a little help from this nurse . ' Ok , what 's going to happen right now , Alison , is that you 're going to be going to sleep for a little while . When you wake up , you 'll be in another room , and I 'll be gone . I want just to mention something . I haven 't much time . But the man due to come in this room is a criminal , a to get out , and she needed to get past the security guard at the front entrance . For which your dress is going to come in handy , she thought as she moved behind Alison , to prepare the drug that would knock the nurse out . ' I 'm behind you , and the gun is pointed at your head , ' she said quietly . ' I am going to put a mask over your mouth and nose and you are going to breathe deeply , and go to sleep . There 's no way out the pistol on the bed , out of the nurse 's field of vision , Katya crouched down to her bag and removed a surgical mask and a small glass bottle . She sprayed twice on the mask . Then , holding it in one of her black gloved hands , she picked up the pistol and placed it at the girl 's mouth and nose . Alison recognized the smell . Chloroform , as she had expected . She was quite calm now . Partly , it was Katya 's manner , which was ruthless but dead cool , not aroused or passionate . Whoever she was , this woman was clearly a professional of her own particular strange field . There was nothing Alison could do , and she found herself cooperating , partly because of the gun , partly because of this curious and somehow not unfriendly , cool manner . Things were happening too quickly for fear . The nurse was pulled along , overwhelmed . The smell of the drug was sweet and sickly , choking . The effect began almost immediately . Alison began to feel the began to spin . Everything falling . As she slipped from consciousness , her last thoughts were clear . Its ok , Alison , she told herself . She 's not going to rape me . And her body surrendered her . Katya felt the tension leave the nurse 's body as she lost consciousness , and she swiftly replaced the Glock in its holster and the mask in a sealed plastic bag . The girl was slumped in the chair , her white dress ridden up to her thighs , her legs apart . Her mouth was slightly open , her straight fair hair falling over her face as her head lolled back . There was no time to waste . Katya moved around to the front and lifting Alison 's limp body in a fireman 's lift , she deposited the nurse on the bed . ' ok , darling , ' she said , ' I 'll be needing that dress . ' Placing Alison on her back , Katya first unclipped the nurse 's tight blue buckle belt and pulled it free . Then she swiftly unbuttoned Alison 's dress , placing the girl 's limp arms by her sides , she maneuvered it from her shoulders , and then down and off , dropping the white dress on the floor . Well , well . The nurse 's bra and panties were white , simple and minimal . But unexpectedly , Katya noted that she was wearing a black suspender belt and stockings , rather than the pantyhose she had expected . Alison favored the stockings not for sexual reasons but because she found them cooler to work in . But she had not , of course , anticipated that she would be showing her legs to a stranger in a room at the hospital . Not that she was aware , anyway . Katya with a shrug swiftly unclipped the suspender belt , then unfastened girl 's body was exquisite , but Katya didn 's have time to enjoy her thighs and her smooth buttocks , as she would have wished . Instead , she swiftly removed her own clothes , placed them in her bag and donned the nurse 's uniform . A near perfect fit , tho the skirt was a little short . Not to worry . It was time to go . ' Sorry about that , darling , ' she said to the sleeping Alison and then , for a moment tempted , she turned the nurse over onto her front , leaving her shapely buttocks exposed , the white panties squeezed over them . With a smile , she gave the sleeping Alison 's bottom a friendly pat . ' You seem like a nice girl , Alison , ' she said to her quietly , ' but you should be more careful who you go to work for . ' Alison , in any case , was dead to the world and remained motionless , now stripped to just her white bra and panties , lying on her front on the bed she had intended to prepare for Semyon Rudnitski . Her mouth was slightly open , revealing the faintest glimpse of white teeth . Her long hair over her face . Katya was ready to move . Then a sudden thought struck her . And she cursed herself for accepting this job . Who would have expected such complications ? These three nurses had come on duty presumably when the security guard was already there . In other words , he would know exactly who was supposed to be in the hospital , and who was not . This meant she had no chance of just slipping by him without raising suspicion . Her mind raced . Everything became more complicated . What she would need to do was to stay in the hospital now until the security guard reached the end of his shift and was relieved . Then she would slip by past the new one , who wouldn 't know who was meant to be up there , and who not . She contemplated for a moment simply forcing the guard at gunpoint to let her by , but decided against it . Dealing with a nurse was one thing , but it was possible that the guard had some kind of alarm button which he would quietly activate . Not worth the risk . This meant that she was going to have to stick around on the hospital landing for a while . But then that created another dilemma . She was , after all , sharing the landing with two nurses , and had just drugged and stripped one of their colleagues . Alison had presumably been off to perform some errand in room 14 . About a quarter of an hour had passed since her entry . They would no doubt be growing concerned in the charge room and would shortly come and investigate . This meant a window of opportunity . Katya realized that she was going to have to deal with the two remaining nurses . There was no way that she could spend another hour or two on the landing without them finding the drugged Alison and raising the alarm . So the other two would have to join Alison in having came to see what was up with her luckless colleague . And then Katya would be ready . As it was , she was now on damage limitation mode . That girl entering the room meant that the hospital security or Rudnitski 's own men would probably search the room or demand that the oligarch be placed in a different one . Katya intended nevertheless to move the sleeping Alison once she had dealt with her colleagues . But it Lucy felt the train begin to move as she sat alone in her compartment . It was just after sunrise . The trip would take 30 hours , and for the night the seats would be folded down to make a bed . It was day now , and most people in the sleeper car had their doors and curtains open and were sitting in their seats looking out the window . There was something very romantic about riding a train , but not for Lucy yet . Lucy was 24 and very attractive with long brown hair and firm well rounded breasts . Her legs were long and slender , and turned heads wherever she went . She didn 't have a boyfriend though , and hadn 't had sex in a long time . " Way too long ! " She thought to herself as the train picked up speed and she could feel bumps . The motion of the train and the bumps were already arousing her . Lucy had seen several good looking guys her age , or slightly older , board the train . At least two had even made eye contact with her and smiled . Perhaps later on she would get lucky and meet someone . It was way too early for that now though . Right now she needed to take a nap . She wasn 't used to getting up this early and was still very sleepy . Lucy slid the glass door on her compartment closed and drew the curtain across it . She had total privacy now , except for the window to the outside . The train was moving fast and there was no way anyone could see inside now . She began to get comfortable . As she slowly unbuckled the tiny straps on her high heeled shoes , her fantasies began . She imagined a guy was doing it for her . She loved to be undressed by someone else ! Her shoes were off now , and she turned sideways and placed her bare legs and feet across the seat and sat sideways with her back to the window . " Just how comfortable shall I get now ? " she thought to herself . She unbuttoned the top button of her dress . In a few seconds she decided to be more daring . She unbuttoned five more buttons and exposed her bra . It was frilly and white and felt tight on her . She reached behind her and unhooked it . Then she worked the straps off her shoulders and arms through her dress and took it off . Next she re - buttoned all but two of the buttons on her dress and tossed the bra on the floor on top of her shoes . Lucy felt all tingly and sexy now . She lifted her dress up over her hips and exposed her tiny panties . For proper sleep , they should come off too she thought . She slowly eased the panties down and off and tossed them aside with her other things . As she closed her eyes and tried to sleep her fantasies were in overdrive ! As the train 's many wheels clicked along the tracks , she had a naughty thought . " What if her door and curtain were open now ? " Any guy walking by could see everything , at least below her waist . Then she decided to go further . She unbuttoned every button on her dress and exposed her right breast completely . There ; no guy could resist her now , if her door were open , she imagined . All those erotic events shifted to just her mind now . It wasn 't long before her lifelong dominant fetish popped up . She never went more than a few minutes without it coming into play somehow , and it had been that way since her early teens . At times she cursed it , and thought that it wasn 't healthy or normal , but it still ruled her life . She was born with it and couldn 't do anything but indulge it . Lucy had a sleepy fetish . She constantly fantasized about a guy putting her to sleep somehow , and having his way with her limp body . It varied in scenario , but always proceeded to the same end . She would pass out completely and he would slowly strip her and begin by kissing and touching her limp naked body everywhere . For the end game , he would go down on her for a while , and then finally mount her . The methods of knockout varied , from a drugged drink to a forced injection , but her favorite was the chloroform soaked cloth being placed over her nose and mouth . That was the method she had seen in the movies and TV the most , and to her was the most romantic . It was gentle , and rendered her helpless gradually . The man had a firm hold on her , and he was close enough for her to feel his taut muscles and smell his scent . She would struggle of course , but she knew her pass out was inevitable and she would be totally his . She would soon melt in his strong arms , and be carried off like a doll . Just the thought of it happening sent chills up and down her spine ! With those pleasant thoughts in her head , Lucy drifted off to sleep . She remained motionless for some time and then her body started to move around slightly . She was beginning to dream … It was nearly dark and Lucy 's eyes opened . Her door and curtains were wide open ! She was exposed on the seat and a man was coming into her compartment ! He was tall , and looked strong and handsome . Lucy folded her arms in front of her to cover her exposed right breast . She thought about getting up and running but she could not move . Suddenly the man was on top of her . He was holding a wet cloth over her face . " It must be chloroform ! " she thought to herself . As he held the cloth on her , he also tried to pull her arms away to get to her breasts . Lucy held her arms in position , but could do little else . Her eyes were in rapid flutter now , and her body was relaxing all by itself . Her time awake was quickly running out . In less than a minute , her body suddenly went limp and her eyes gently closed . The man held the cloth on her for over a minute after she was out . Then he pulled it away and tossed it on the floor . Her limp arms were easy to move now , and he was able to completely expose both of her breasts . He fondled them for a minute and then got up and quickly closed the compartment door and pulled the curtains over it . The man spread Lucy 's legs apart easily and quickly put his mouth in her most private spot . He was able to smell and taste her now , with no resistance of any kind . To his surprise she was very wet down there already ! The man had heard that some women were aroused by the idea of being chloroformed and kidnapped , but he never really believed it . Could she have been excited that way ? It didn 't matter now . She was totally limp and all his anyway ! At first he went down on her ever so gently . As he licked her ; he could see goose bumps forming on her inner thighs . She was ready for him now . He stood up and quickly removed his pants and underwear . He was ready too . He was as hard as steel . It had been a long time since he had release , and there was a huge load of seed inside ready to explode . His gentleness faded as he stood up , and he mounted her like a ruthless pirate ! He then ravaged her flesh with abandon . As he moved roughly in and out , her limp body lay helplessly still and accommodated his needs . Then , after nearly 15 minutes , suddenly he burst ! Like a fountain , his seed filled her , and with no protection at all . When it was finally over , he got up off of her and put his underwear and pants back on . Then he opened the curtains and door , and left . Lucy woke up with a start . It was nearly noon . The sun was shining in the window , and the door and curtains were closed . She was still naked below the waist and her breast was still exposed . She was relieved that it had all been a dream ! It all seemed so real though . It was like he she was watching him ravage her limp body from above . Now she was really horny ! Lucy put her breast back inside her dress , but left the buttons open . Then she pulled her dress down over her hips , but left her panties off . When that was done , she opened her curtain and door , and sat sideways on her seat just like before . Perhaps a man would notice her now ! About 8 compartments down and on the opposite side of the train , Jeff had closed his door and curtains for privacy as well . He was ready to load and check his tranquillizer gun . It held 6 small darts , and he loaded them all in . Then he read his instructions carefully . Aim for her chest . One dart will knock her out completely in about 5 minutes and last an hour or so . If a second dart is fired a minute or two after the first dart she will pass out almost instantly , and sleep for 2 - 3 hours . When the darts are pulled out the last part of the dose is drawn in by suction . This insures a full dose , and a long and deep sleep . Jeff needed a woman badly . He had just come off a book signing tour and had been taunted enough ! Jeff was not a writer . He was the guy on the cover of many romance novels . He was tall , lean , and had long blond hair and deep blue eyes . His unkempt hair and partly unshaven face gave him a rough and tumble look that the women that read the books all dreamed about . He looked a lot like the 80 's book cover model Favio , and had an even worse book name . They called him Thor ! The women readers loved it and thought that he really looked like a god . Jeff hated it , but it was a living . What he really hated was the way all the women made such a fuss over him when they recognized him . The women in the book stores all tried to mob and attack him ! He could rarely single one out and have a date . When he did connect with one , all she talked about was those novels . That 's why he wanted tonight 's woman unconscious . When he found her he would dart her first , and then make his move . That way she would pass out before she realized who he was , and he could have some fun and sex his way for a change ! Once he was comfortable with the gun , he put it in his pocket and started to walk the aisles of the train to find his prey . He saw several women right away , but they either weren 't his type or were not alone . At the other end of the car , when he had almost given up hope , he found her ! He passed by her compartment and then stopped and looked from a safe distance . She was hot ! She had bare legs and feet , and her dress was completely unbuttoned ! Without further thought , he aimed the gun and fired . The dart hit her chest " dead on " right between her breasts . Then he stepped out of sight for a minute to let the drug take effect . Lucy was riding peacefully in her seat when she suddenly felt a sting in her chest . She looked down and saw the small dart . At first she shook her head and looked around . " Was she dreaming again ? " She wondered . " No , she wasn 't dreaming this time ! " She reached to pull the dart out . Then she saw that the vile had some of the drug still in it . If she pulled it out , that would be sucked into her and she would get an even larger dose ! She left the dart alone . She considered getting up and closing her door . When she tried to do that , she felt too dizzy to get up . Once again her first mode of defense was to fold her arms to cover her open dress . Then he stepped into the compartment . Wow ! He was everything she ever dreamed about in a guy and then some . As he got close she could see his beautiful blue eyes . The drug was working though and her eyes were rapidly losing focus . He took her right hand in his and tried to pull her arm off of her chest . She resisted . That was a mistake ! He let go of her hand , reached in his pocket and pulled out a gun ! Just when Lucy thought she was about to die , a second dart hit her right breast . She passed out almost instantly . Jeff put the gun away , closed the compartment door , and pulled the curtains closed . Then he pulled the curtain over the outside window as well . It was time to admire his prize . First he pulled her arms out of the way and pulled out both darts . Next he pulled her unbuttoned dress down over her shoulders and rendered her topless . Oh yes ! This one would be perfect . He continued to pull the loose dress down over her hips and off . She wasn 't wearing any underwear ! This one was really asking for it . He undressed quickly and got down on his knees . Then his seduction scene began . He started by massaging her feet , just like the scenes in the books his face was on . Then with both hands and his tongue he worked his way slowly from her feet to her neck stopping everywhere in between . He had done this with many women , but never with one that was totally unconscious like this . She was like a warm real life doll ! He held her face in his hands and kissed her deeply on the mouth . Her mouth was partly open and he was able to probe it deeply with his tongue . Then he sniffed her hair . It had a floral scent , and was baby soft to the touch . Holding her beautiful limp head in his hands was like nothing he had ever experienced before . Finally he put her head down on the seat and tasted her breasts . Her nipples instantly became erect in his mouth , even though she was deeply under . That didn 't surprise him . He had always thought that some sexual functions were instinctive . He turned his attentions lower , and tasted her ultimate nectar . As he did it she became much damper there and he could also see signs of arousal on the flesh of her inner thighs . He slipped on a condom before entering her . Then he mounted her gently . Seeing her on her back , limp , with her head to the side , and her eyes closed was driving him over the edge ! He was in control of his own movements . He could thrust with no resistance at all . It was like having sex with a doll , only this was no doll ! She was a beautiful woman and oh so real ! Such passion could not last forever . After about 10 minutes , he finally burst and felt his load pulse inside her . If it weren 't for the condom , surely this load would have made any girl pregnant he thought to himself as he pulled out and looked at the amount in the condom ! Then he covered her with her dress , as if it were a blanket . Jeff quickly redressed himself and picked up the darts from the floor . He took those and the condom with him . As he left , he closed her curtains and door to keep her safe and out of sight . Lucy woke up hours later and looked around . " Was this another dream ? " She wondered . Then she realized that her dress had been taken off . Her window curtain was closed too . Then she remembered the darts . She looked at her breasts . There were 2 tiny holes there ! No , this was no dream . As she tried to remember him , all she could see was his long blonde hair and his blue eyes . His face was a blur . All of a sudden , the powerful drug kicked in again and she quickly drifted back to sleep . Oh the sweet dreams she would have now … Adriano isn 't my real uncle , more a friend of the family , although I 've always called him uncle Adriano . He 's a bit younger than my daddy , probably late thirties , a handsome man , he always used to make a fuss of me when I was younger , giving me sweets and things like that . He and his wife Monica used to live just down the road from us and I got to know him when Mum started to work for them . They owned a chemist shop on the high street and Mum worked on the cosmetics counter , which was until 7 years ago when they won some money on the lottery and they sold their business and moved to Rome . It was about two months ago that Mum told me Adriano and Monica had separated . Apparently it was quite amicable , although unexpected . They split the money they 'd won and Monica had moved away to somewhere in Milan . Uncle Adriano had been a bit upset and daddy had gone to stay with him for a few days after it 'd happened . I ring him on the Tuesday from my hotel , he 's so happy to hear from me and pleased that things are going well . Since I last saw him I 've left home and moved into a new flat . I tell him that I 'm in Rome and we agree that I should go over and stay with him on Friday night , although I think he would like me to stay for the whole weekend . It 's Adriano 's birthday on Sunday , I know that because mine 's next week - I 'll be 27 . On Thursday the training course finishes early and I go into town to buy Adriano a birthday card . I think I should really buy a present but have no idea what to get . Then as I 'm looking in shop windows for inspiration I notice a dress shop selling brightly colored leather gloves . I remember Adriano always wore driving leather gloves and I decide to go in and buy a pair . The assistant asks if it a present and when I say yes she wraps it in a box with a bow ribbon . I arrive at Adriano 's just before 6 : 00 on Friday evening , he lets me in and we go into the lounge . I give him the card and present , he asks if he can open them now and I say that 's fine . He unwraps the box and takes out the shiny soft leather gloves . He 's delighted with the present and puts it on and goes to the mirror to look at himself , he can 't thank me enough and comes over and hugs and kisses me . I ask how he 's getting on and he says he 's well , a bit lonely , coming to terms with what 's happened . I tell him about my new flat and the job . He asks if I have a boyfriend yet and I say no . Strangely he comments on the fact that he can 't remember me ever having a boyfriend and I say I 'm just shy and maybe one day when the right person comes along . He moves closer to me on the sofa and puts his hand on my knee . I 'm suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable . ' That 's good ; I know I 'm not as young as I used to be , but some girls like mature man - what about you ? ' ' Okay , but before you go , I need you to help me with something , come along . ' With that , he picks up the gloves and walks upstairs . I 'm trying to call after him , to say goodbye . I stand at the bottom of the stairs . ' I wouldn 't waste your time , they 're solid steel and the only way out is if I decide to unlock them . Now why don 't you come and sit down here on the bed and I 'll give you your birthday present ? ' Adriano moves past me and motions to the bed . The gloves I bought him are on the dresser and he picks them up . ' You know , this is a lovely present . . . and so useful . ' He takes one soft glove and start to slip into it . Ignoring my pleas he ties a large knot in the middle of a silk scarf once he is gloved , and raises it above my head , holding it either side of the knot . Then in one sudden movement he pushes his knees into my arms , pinning them to the chair , and brings the scarf down . Forcing the knot into my mouth he ties it behind my head , then once he 's tied a second knot he moves his knees away from the chair . I stand up , half stumbling ; I push past his back to my corner . I try to push the gag out of my mouth with my tongue but it 's tied far too tight . I call out through the scarf gag but can only manage an incoherent mumble . ' Now then , where were we ? Oh yes , I was going to give you your birthday present . ' He again moves towards me and again I kick out , trying to shout through the gag . ' I 'm going to have you one way or another . Now we can either do this the easy way or the hard way : it 's up to you . ' He moves towards me and again I kick out . Wait there , what the hell is he going to do now ? I look around the room , the bedroom door slightly open and I think about following him . Maybe I can get downstairs , but I don 't know where he 's gone and anyhow what could I do once I 'm out of the bedroom . I couldn 't open the front door with my hands handcuffed behind my back , the phone 's downstairs in the lounge , but gagged , what use is that ? I look at the window ; maybe in the movies people jump through bedroom windows , but it doesn 't seem a good idea in real life . ' Don 't worry ; this isn 't going to hurt you . I 'm just going to chloroform you , put you to sleep for a few minutes , and when you wake up I 'll have you nice and tightly tied up and then we can have some fun . I 'm afraid this doesn 't smell very nice , Monica and I used it on each other a couple of times and it always made me feel sick . But you gave me no choice . ' He moves towards me , the chloroform pad in his right gloved hand . I 'm shaking my head , screaming through the gag at him to stop , but he 's ignoring me . I back away from him into the corner of the room ; as he moves closer , I kick out and he backs away a little . He moves in again , I kick out , but his movement was a feint and suddenly he 's behind me . He grabs me around the waist with his left arm and brings the chloroform pad up to my face , but I manage to twist away from him . With my hands cuffed behind my back I 'm off balance and I stumble and fall onto the bed . I roll over , try to get off the other side but he 's suddenly on top of me . His left leathered hand grips my cheeks , his right pushes the chloroform - soaked pad to my nose . He 's now sitting astride me . I 'm on my back , my arms pinned beneath me , the steel handcuff biting into my wrists . My legs are free and I try to kick out and twist my body but Adriano 's full weight is on my chest and I can 't move . I lay there exhausted , my head pounding . I can resist no longer . As I take another breath the last thing I remember is looking up into Adriano 's face . My head 's throbbing and my mouth feels strange . I try to roll over to get more comfortable but nothing happens . As I lay with my eyes closed , I 'm aware that my arms seem to be above my head . Trying to focus my thoughts , I suddenly remember what happened . I try to sit up , but I can 't move . I turn my head and see my hands have been tied to the bed head and in the same moment I realize I 'm totally naked . I look around the room and I see Adriano standing at the end of the bed , I try to call out but there 's some sort of ball in my mouth . He is wearing a pair of black leather pants now , heavy boots , the one special forces use , a pair of skin tight unlined leather gloves ( not the one I just bought him for his birthday ) and a mask revealing only his cold sharp eyes and lips . ' Sleeping Beauty awakes . How are you feeling , oh I forgot you can 't answer , never mind . You may have noticed I 've changed your gag , I 've thought of another use for the scarf . ' With that he takes a huge black knife from his belt , and come on the bed . He clamps his leathered hand firmly over my gagged mouth . A strong leather scent fulfills my nostrils now , and the cold blade of his knife is slid gently on my shivering skin … . . legs . She also wore a smart shirt that was fitted to her athletic , toned but curvy body , blue in color with a white collar and short sleeves , the top also highlighted her pert , small but perfect full breasts . Lena was 21 years old , a Sports Major from University where she statuesque with an Italian mother who was a catwalk model and a Greek father who was a playboy in the shipping business . This meant that she had smooth silky olive tan skin , big brown eyes that could melt your heart and a wonderful smile but given her fitness , the perfect toned figure - think Raquel Welch in her prime from 1 million BC but with olive skin and aged 21 and you can now see what I mean . Her job was to be the office junior / graduate scheme new starter at the local Health Spa . Her aim was to run the spa within 5 years ! Lena was very ambitious , she could obviously do the job but also because she thought that Lena had killer legs and a killer body and , well . . . . she really fancied Lena ! It had helped that Lena had been single for 6 months - her last boyfriend cheated on her - why , no one knows - he wasn 't going to get anyone better looking that 's for sure but she was off men for the moment . Lena had dabbled with kissing other girls at college as you do but she wouldn 't have called herself a lesbian although she did love a great pair of legs and could see real beauty in other women . She thought Louise was very sexy and liked her assertiveness and for some reason also liked the idea that Louise could and had rendered people unconscious ! this was a new feeling for her but one she liked although she had no plans to knock anyone out or be knocked out , she just liked the idea of standing over someone you have complete control over ! Lena knew that Louise was flirting with her at the interview and she could see that her legs were the trick . She didn 't care , she got the job ! Louise asked to see Lena at the end of the day in Louise 's private office to discuss her first day . The office had a lock in it and a double bed behind the desk . No one would disturb the boss at all as the evening shift manager had her own office and it wasn 't uncommon for Louise to stay the night and work late . Louise 's office was the far office in the facility well away from everyone else ! sat down , her short skirt riding up her thigh giving Louise a great view especially as she crossed her legs to talk to Louise . Louise had placed a bottle of chloroform and a cloth on the far side of the bed , away from Lena 's line of sight . Her plan wasn 't to chloroform her straight away , it may take a little too long and the struggle may attract attention . What Louise planned was to wait for Lena to get up to her first day and thanked her for her help , she did so by gently placing her hand on Lena 's thigh , her leg felt so good , Lena knew what was going on and appeared to quite enjoy it , she didn 't flinch and in fact , she found Louise 's company and flirtations enjoyable and flattering . Maybe there was something here but it was her first day and so there was plenty of time . Louise asked her what her plans were that evening as she would happily buy dinner for Lena if she wanted as a thank you . Lena had no plans and was going to go home , order pizza and watch TV before another long day at work but made an excuse that she was Lena in the back of the head , behind the ear . It was a very hard blow and Lena didn 't feel anything but she felt her eyes rolling up to her head , a white flash and that she was falling backwards , she let out a soft " Unnhhh " and it went black . Louise caught Lena as she fell , scooped her up in a cradle carry and gently placed the unconscious new girl flat out on her back on the bed . Lena was knocked senseless but Louise could see her eyes rolling about the top of her head and although clearly unconscious , she wasn 't completely out cold . Lena moaned softly every other time she breathed out and her muscles in her arms and legs would jerk as she tried to unscramble those senses . Louise loved the look of Lena and loved the look of girls who had been knocked out this way , she found it erotic ! Louise took off Lena 's shoes , sat Lena up and took off her suit jacket , she then unbuttoned her shirt and unzipped her about 15 minutes . Louise took the shirt off Lena and removed her skirt to reveal , the curvy , tight , toned , smooth , olive skinned body and killer legs that Louise knew was always there and she marveled at the younger girls rocking figure ! she took her time taking off Lena 's bra and matching panties , frilly , skimpy and white and then slowly started to kiss and caress every square inch of Lena 's fantastic body . Louise knew that even though a person was unconscious , they could still be aroused . Lena 's nipples hardened when her breasts were touched , kissed , stroked or caressed and Lena 's pussy was very wet indeed even before Louise started to pay attention in the area with her tongue ! Louise also from the moans that Lena was very aroused and close to orgasm . Louise left the vibrator where it was and gently kissed Lena 's neck and ear lobe whispering " Wake up sleepy head , I 've got something for you . I know she passed out from the fumes ! Louise continued with the vibrator , her tongue and the kissing and caressing and after another 15 minutes , Lena started coming round again but this time , Louise allowed Lena to fully wake up and as her senses returned and the fog cleared , Lena had the greatest orgasm of her life ! in fact her first ever multiple orgasm ! Louise 's hands and body were everywhere and Lena just cried with complete pleasure ! lusted after her and always wanted to do this to her . Lena blushed and replied , I thought you were so sexy and strong , I never imagined sex like this ! Can we do this again sometime soon . Louise smiled and knew that Lena was a great hire ! of course we can , as often as you like darling . brothers regularly ! she wanted to return the favour to Louise and render her unconscious just to fulfill her desires and would knock the fighter out , drag her wet and gleaming to the bed and knock her out deeply with chloroform and have her way with Louise ! she hoped her boss wouldn 't mind but she wasn 't going to ask ! Louise had her back to Lena and Lena placed her arms around Louise 's neck and jumped on her back to make sure she wouldn 't lose her grip ! Lena was much taller than Louise and as long as Louise didn 't get free and punch her out , this would work ! Lena squeezed but Louise didn 't fight back in fact Louise was happy for this to happen , she knew what Lena had planned and besides , she had never been knocked out before ! the thoughts really aroused her already ! Within 10 seconds , Louise was out cold on the tiles , flat on her back with the warm water gently pouring over her tummy which looked so sexy to Lena glinting wet in the light just rising and falling as Louise lay passed out on the floor . her to suck more of the knockout drug into her bloodstream sending her into a pleasurable oblivion . Lena spoke softly as Louise was blacking out " Your all mine now boss , I 'm knocking you out cold for the night ! " Louise let out a contented final sigh as her aroused body lost its fight Lucy felt the train begin to move as she sat alone in her compartment . It was just after sunrise . The trip would take 30 hours , and for . . . The time had come . Alex was a successful Lawyer , his wife of 20 years Jane an award winning TV journalist . He was tall and handsome , with . . . |
Introduction : Final of series - would appreciate feedback about this or any part . I post stories for others to read and hopefully enjoy . After the two week visit of my stepbrothers in late August I hoped things would get better . At the least there were two less cocks to service . However Daddy 's mood became worse soon after his sons left . Though it wasn 't my fault he did take out his frustration on me , slapping and smacking me for the smallest perceived mistake or fault . Once he even hit me for breathing too quietly . He now also spent many hours on the computer , talking in internet chat rooms until late in the night . Daddy had even mentioned the possibility of setting up a webcam , starring me , but changed his mind when sober . We left early Friday afternoon taking Interstate 80 west . I 'm not sure how far we traveled as I did doze off , but we pulled off near a town called White Haven . Daddy drove to an Econo Lodge where he checked in . We went for dinner in a nearby diner , then returned to our room before 8 : 00 P . M . This was weird , why would we drive to some little town and check into a motel . Plus Daddy was acting nervous which was very unusual for him . Suddenly his cell phone rang and he went into the bathroom to answer it . Being very curious , I crept near the door to eavesdrop . I managed to catch the end of the conversation . " I don 't have time for this . Haven 't you learned yet not to challenge me . I don 't want to bruise you now , but if you don 't obey me , you are going to get it bad next week " he hissed at me , his face getting red . Daddy released me and stalked into the motel room . He went into his overnight bag , then threw an enema bag at me . I closed the bathroom door and quickly got ready . When I came out wrapped in a towel , some lingerie was waiting on the bed . There was a bustier , a thong and thigh high stockings all in white . As I was sitting , applying my pink lipstick , Daddy stood behind me and began fixing my hair . Basically he put them into pigtails , which was the first time I had ever worn them . While he did , he talked to me . " Listen up Chrissy . Tonight is a big test for us both . In a little while , a man is going to come to the room . I want you to be nice to him and do whatever he wants . He is going to spend the whole night with you . I 'm going to be in another room in the motel . Don 't make any trouble and we 'll be going home tomorrow . " I know I must have made a face while hearing this , but I didn 't say a word . I knew it wouldn 't help . Just then there was a knock on the door . Daddy turned and went to the door and opened it . A white haired man walked into the room . He and Daddy never exchanged a word , he just handed Daddy a key and Daddy left . The man then locked the door and put on the chain . He walked up to me . " When I speak to you is the only time you can speak " he began " and if it 's a yes or no question just nod your head . Do you understand ? " I nodded yes . He smiled and his teeth reminded me of a rat , almost pointy . " Very well , that 's all for now . I 'm going to shower and then we can begin " he said . He went into the bathroom , but left the door open . After a few minutes I heard the shower go on and after another ten minutes it turned off . He came back into the room in a little while . He had a glass of water in one hand and had a towel wrapped around his waist , with a noticeable bulge in it . He placed the glass and a small medicine bottle on the dresser . He turned the TV to a news channel , with the volume set in the middle . The man stepped in front of me and dropped his towel and gestured for me to get on my knees . I sank to my knees on the floor . He held his erection in his right hand while his left hand started to stroke my hair . While kneeling there I was able to observe him . The first thing I noticed , with our proximity to one another , was his cock . I judged it to be around six inches long and not too thick . It was the smallest one I had been close to , although it was only the fifth one I 'd seen , not counting my own . His pubic hair was gray and white , as was the hair on his chest . His body seemed shrunken to me , but that was because of his sagging muscles . He didn 't look as if he had ever been in good shape . The man had a stooped posture but was still much taller than me , I 'd guess around six feet . His posture also highlighted his pooch belly . His face had many wrinkles and his white hair was slicked back . This I knew how to do . I opened my mouth and my tongue snaked out and began to lick his head . I swirled it around like it was an ice cream cone . I also stuck the tip of my tongue into the hole in his head . I guessed he liked that because he responded by caressing my face . I tried to maintain eye contact with him so that I could tell if he liked what I did . I licked the underside of his shaft from the base to the head , spending more time on the sensitive spot just below the head . After a couple of minutes of this I opened my mouth and began to suck him in . I worked up and down with my mouth , taking the majority of his cock into me , while also using my tongue on him . He responded by holding both my pigtails in his hands and pulling on them as I bobbed my head up and down . When I tried to remove my mouth from his cock , he pulled harder on my hair and spoke for the first time since I started . So I continued with what was working , but I also reached up and gently fondled his balls . When I saw by his eyes he was getting close I increased the speed of my motion . He pulled on my pigtails hard and his head slipped down my throat . My hand felt his balls contracting and he began cumming in me . After four spurts , his cock stopped and he withdrew . He headed to the bathroom and washed up . He returned to the room . He opened the bottle , removed a pill and swallowed it down with water . I rinsed out my mouth then headed to the other bed . I noticed the medicine bottle said Viagra . I got in bed and closed my eyes but didn 't sleep . Around an hour later I heard him call me . I opened my eyes and saw him sitting up in bed with his cock again at attention . I left my bed and went and stood by him . He handed me a small tube . " Chrissy , remove your panties and lubricate your ass and climb on board " he told me . I turned my back to him , slid my fingers under the waistband and slowly worked them down while gyrating my ass for him . I then opened the tube , applied lube to my finger and rubbed it against my asshole , before sliding my finger into my tight hole . When I finished I dropped the tube and got on the bed . The man motioned for me to straddle him . I placed a knee on either side of his old body . He reached up and pulled my bustier down , exposing my breasts . I reached back and took hold of his cock and placed it at the entrance of my hole . I gripped it just below the head and pushed my ass onto it hard so it broke through the ring . We both moaned from that . I then let go of his shaft and worked my way down until my soft skin was rubbing his wiry pubic hair . I then started to ride him nice and slow , going up until only the head was in me before sliding back down . The old man reached his hands up and squeezed my breasts . The feel of his hands against my sensitive nipples felt good to me and I couldn 't help moaning out loud . He responded by pinching my nipples hard . I could feel my girly dick stiffen as I rode him . I continued to ride him for a while . Since I had the freedom to do as I wanted for once , I experimented some . I started to just grind him , rotating my ass in a circular motion while my pelvis rubbed against him for a while . Then I went back to the more standard up and down motion , only I leaned forward at the waist so his mouth could reach my nipples . The old man clamped a mouth on my nipple and sucked so hard you would think he was trying to breastfeed . His hands went to my ass and kept pulling me down all the way . He released my nipple long enough to give me directions . " That 's it Chrissy , move it faster . Squeeze me with that hot teen ass . Don 't stop now , I 'm getting there , work that cock . " He then took my nipple back in his mouth and started sucking again . I was riding him for all I was worth when he bit the soft skin on my breast and I felt him shudder underneath me . I felt his cum trickle into my ass . I stopped moving and allowed him to catch his breath before disentangling my limbs from him . " You are very talented Chrissy " he said to me " at this time I have no further need for you . " I then got into bed and with nothing more to do went to sleep . I was awakened the next morning by the old man . He was standing by the bed , naked , with a hard on . I lay on my stomach and started to suck his cock . This time he even fucked my face a little before he came in my mouth . After that he cleaned up , dressed and left the room . A few minutes later Daddy came back into the room . He asked me if the old man had fucked me . I told him the night before he had . Daddy then pulled down his pants and fucked me doggy style . He pounded me hard , but since he hadn 't fucked me last night , he came fast for him . He then pulled up his pants and told me to get dressed quick . On the way home , we stopped at a diner for a fast breakfast . After we got home I headed to the shower . I saw Daddy had turned on the computer . When I was finished Daddy called me into his room . He told me I had done very well and he was pleased . He took off his clothes and we fucked again , this time on his bed which was rare . He usually came into my room and fucked me there . It was as close to gentle as Daddy ever was and he kissed me a lot . A couple of weeks later Daddy told me we were going away again . This was two weeks before my birthday . This time we left at night , and I wasn 't really sure which way we went . When I started to fall asleep , Daddy told me to go to the back seat and sleep . Some time during the night Daddy pulled into a rest stop and caught some zzz 's himself . As soon as the sun was up , he was driving again . In a little while we stopped at some in the middle of nowhere army surplus store . Daddy told me to wait and he went inside . There were only two other cars in the lot . In a few minutes he came out with some guy who had dark hair and a beard . The man was wearing boots , blue jeans , a flannel shirt and a hunter 's cap . The man got in one car and started to drive off , with Daddy following him . We took some little country road and soon turned off onto what was no more than a dirt track . After around a mile we pulled up to a house . It was a single story ranch house with a couple of extensions added on . There was also a barn and a shed nearby . There were already a couple of vehicles parked , an suv and a car . The man got out of his car and so did we . He gave me a once over and shook his head approvingly . Daddy took my arm and guided me . I had a real bad feeling about what was going to happen , but there was nothing I could do . We walked into the house . It smelled like cigarette smoke and stale sweat . My nose wrinkled up in distaste . I could hear voices in the distance as we were in a front hall . The man in the cap walked down the hall and opened a door as we followed . The voices became louder . We all went into the room . There were four other men in the room . It was a large room , probably a living room . There were a few large chairs , a couch , a rough hewn , solid wooden coffee table and an old free standing TV with legs . All the furniture looked old . There was a bearskin rug , with the bear 's head on , on the floor in front of the TV and a couple of deer heads hanging on the walls , which creeped me out . There were also two big lights on tripod stands in the room . When we entered the room the other men turned our way . The man in the cap already must have known everybody as they all easily greeted one another . Daddy had released me , so I stood just inside the door as he went up to the men and they all shook hands and introduced themselves . The men all looked rough and rural , as if hunting and other outdoor activities were the norm . They all appeared to be in their thirties or forties . Two of them had beards , one had a mustache and the fourth just had stubble on his face . They were all dressed in the same general style as the man with the cap , wearing boots and jeans , except one man had on camouflage pants . A couple of them were drinking beer , though it was early morning , and they offered Daddy one and he eagerly accepted . After that they all turned and looked my way , making me feel very uncomfortable . I heard a number of random comments . I was standing there all embarrassed , but I figured that would be the least of my problems . One of the men said something to Daddy and pointed to a different door . Daddy then came over to me . " Chrissy , as you probably figured out you 're here to make a movie . Don 't worry I 'll be in it as well to make it easier for you " he said . He must have seen something in my face , so he then whispered " I can tell you 're not happy , but these guys aren 't to be messed with . If you think I can be nasty … . . " I had to walk past the group of men on my way to change , and as I did I felt a hard slap on my ass from one of them . At which , they all laughed . I went into the next room , which was a bedroom . It was dimly lit and there were clothes on the bed . I sat down and it felt like the sheets hadn 't been washed in a long time . I removed my clothes and started to put on the other ones . There was a catholic school girl uniform . I put on a white blouse , gray knee high socks and a plaid skirt as well as tiny panties with a smiley face on them . There was also a pair of plain black shoes that fit perfectly . The skirt was too short , barely covering my ass when I stood . I went back into the other room where I was met by whistles and catcalls . Daddy handed me two rubber bands . " Put your hair in pig tails " he said " now Chrissy in the movie you will play my daughter . You come home from school and I 'm watching TV . You were bad showing boys your panties , so I have to spank you . After that you give me a blowjob . " " Then I get a phone call and have to go to work . You are lying watching TV when I knock on the door because I forgot something and you open the door . Got that , do you remember ? " I nodded yes . Then the first man , the one with the cap came up to me . He had a video camera in one hand and a book bag in the other . He handed me the book bag and gave me final instructions . " You come in the first door you came in and say Dad I 'm home . Now this is important , don 't look directly at the cameras . It has to look natural or we have to do it again . Your name in the movie is Missy and wait til you hear action . Got it Missy " he said with a smirk . I went through the door and the man with the mustache came with me , closing the door behind us . While waiting I felt very nervous and scared . Though there was a number of people in the house I had never felt so alone . After a while I heard the sound of the TV come on , and a minute later heard action . The mustached man shoved me towards the door . I opened the door and went into the room . Daddy was sitting in a recliner watching TV , but he had on big sun glasses and a bandanna on his face . I dropped the book bag on the floor . Out of the corners of my eyes I saw there were two guys with cameras and the big lights were turned on making the room very bright . " Well sorry doesn 't cut it young lady . You must be punished . Now come here " he replied . I stood in front of him . He grabbed my wrist and pulled me over his knee , my tiny skirt flying up . His hand rolled down my panties just enough to expose my ass cheeks . Then he began to spank me . He didn 't hold back but let me have it hard . He whacked me around 25 or 30 times . Daddy then pulled up my panties and pushed me to the floor at his feet and stood . I was bawling like a baby . " Bad girl " Daddy said " you 've given me a hard on . Now you have to take care of it . " While saying this he undid his pants and pushed them down , his familiar cock straining to go . I got on my knees and took him in my mouth . I kept my eyes closed to avoid the bright lights as well as to make sure I didn 't stare at the cameras . Since I knew how to please Daddy it didn 't take long for him to cum . When he did , he pulled out and shot all over my face . I was a little surprised they didn 't stretch it out for the movie , but I figured that 's why Daddy would return . They kept filming as Daddy handed me a napkin to clean up . Then there was the sound of a phone , and Daddy walked to the bedroom . He came back in a minute . " Missy " he said " that was work . They have a problem and I have to leave for a while . Do your homework and be a good girl . Remember bad girls get in trouble . " " Cut " a voice said and people started to talk and adjust things like the lights . They set me up for the next scene . I lay on my stomach on the bearskin with a book on the floor and my legs bent at the knees and my feet in the air . The man with the cap gave me my instructions again . " Don 't worry about your Dad wearing that stuff on his face . On the film we blot it out with a black mark . That is just to make him at ease . This next scene will start with you lying there , and the camera will start focused on your cute ass and then pan over your body . Then you will hear the knock and get up to open the door . You will say what did you forget now Daddy and then open the door . And remember not to look directly at the cameras . Ok action . " I lay there pretending to look at the book open on the floor by me . A minute later there was a loud knock at the door . I closed the book and stood up and headed towards the door . " What did you forget now , Daddy ? " I said in a loud voice with a smile on my face . I opened the door and froze , shocked . Daddy wasn 't standing there . There were two men there - one was the man with the camouflage pants and one of the others . But what shocked me was they both had on sinister looking rubber clown masks . " Only bad girls open the doors to strangers , and you know what happens to them " one of them said as they rushed into the room . The larger one with the camouflage pants just punched me in the stomach hard with no warning , knocking the breath out of me and doubling me over . They each grabbed a side of me and dragged me to the table and threw me down on it . While the big one held me down the other clamped his hand over my mouth while pulling something from his pocket . It was a red rubber ball with a connecting strap . He squeezed my face hard . " Open your mouth bad girl " he said in a menacing voice . I did and he forced the ball gag into my mouth and secured it on my head . " We saw you coming home bad girl " he continued " wearing your short little skirt so we followed you . And look what happens , your Daddy leaves you home alone , so we decided to pay you a visit . " Camouflage man then pulled my hands over my head while the other swiftly wrapped electric tape around my wrists a bunch of times securing them . He then ripped the blouse open , sending buttons flying everywhere . All of a sudden there was a knife in his hand and my eyes widened with fear . He slit through the middle of my bra , exposing my breasts . Both he and camouflage men reached out a greedy hand and began to maul them . It actually had the opposite effect on me . I was paralyzed with fright and couldn 't move if I wanted to . The smaller man had now pulled up the bottom of his mask , and was feasting on my tender nipples and breasts . I just piteously moaned behind the ball gag as his teeth nipped me . His mouth started to work it 's way down me , kissing my flat stomach . His hand then pulled up the short skirt , revealing the smiley face panties . I then felt the blade against my hip snaking it 's way upwards . It cut through the side of the panty . He then repeated this on the other side . His hand then gripped the material and yanked it leaving me exposed . " Would you look at that " camouflage man answered " this one is real bad . Nice tits and a little dick . I don 't care though . I 'm still going to fuck you . " As he said this he reached down and twisted my nipple . They both released me , leaving me on the table as they removed their pants . When they finished they positioned me . My ass was at the end of the table and though my head didn 't reach the other end it was near the side edge . My arms were stretched over my head and to the side and bent at the elbow , so that my forearms and hands were hanging off the table . Camouflage man straddled my head , with one knee on the table and his other leg flexed with his foot on the ground . He was resting his big cock on my face . It was big , around eight inches long and thick , maybe not as thick as Daddy 's , but still impressive . His partner lifted my legs in the air and handed them to camouflage man who held them up . The little man then rubbed my asshole with a cold substance and then forced a finger up me . He pulled it out and put his cock to my hole and in one motion pushed it all the way in . His cock was also lubed and was of average size so it didn 't hurt too much . He placed his hands on the table on each side of me and began to fuck me . He had two styles of fucking which he alternated . He would slide all his six inches in , then pull back leaving just the head in me before repeating . He would do this with a slow , steady motion . Or he would be buried all the way in , and just pull an inch or two out and put it back , but he did it fast like he was a rabbit or something . He was greatly enjoying himself though , moaning and panting like crazy no matter which style he used . Camouflage man was becoming impatient though . He was smacking his cock against my face while he was dripping pre - cum like crazy . Finally he had enough . " That 's it " he said " my cock can 't wait no more . I want to feel that tight ass around it . You can fuck some more after I get a piece of ass . " His partner in crime reluctantly slid out of me and stood up . Camouflage man lowered my legs and got up and moved to the end of the table . He rolled me onto my side and knelt on the table . He guided his big cockhead to my ass and slowly worked it in . Though his partner had loosened me , he was much thicker and I don 't remember ever being in this position before . It took him a couple of minutes for him to work his whole cock in me . He then began to steadily fuck me , pulling about halfway out then sliding it back in again . As often happened with me , my body betrayed me . I felt myself hardening and I was moaning behind the ballgag . He could read it in my eyes and started to speak to me in a low voice , so no one else could hear . " Baby I can tell you like it , so do I . When I heard that you were a shemale I wasn 't sure about this . But when I saw you , you were so young and pretty . And your ass is heaven on my cock . If I could I would take you home . But at least I 'll give you a great fuck . " He proceeded to do just that . He varied his strokes , he would rotate his hips driving me crazy , he would change the depth and angle of his thrusts . For a couple of minutes , even with me bound and him wearing a clown mask , I forgot where I was and just enjoyed it . That didn 't last though . His partner tapped his shoulder . " MY turn now " he said " take a breather . " With a final thrust in me , camouflage man reluctantly pulled out . His partner dragged me up and sat on the table with my legs straddling his . He pulled me down onto his much smaller cock , with my back to him . I began to bounce up and down on him with his hands on my waist guiding me . I could see camouflage man across the room . His mask was off and he was wiping his face . Cap man was talking to him intently , and I saw him nod . He pulled the mask back down and I saw him rubbing more lubricant on his cock . Cap man was positioning the camera up and was heading my way . I looked away from him . The guy fucking me now reached up and twisted my nipple so hard I screamed behind the gag . He reached around my body and hugged me tight , my back to his chest . He then leaned back bringing me with him so he was flat against the table and I was lying on him , with his cock all the way in me . I then felt my legs lifted in the air and held in place against a body . I craned my neck up and saw camouflage man . I then felt his cock against my already filled hole . I began twisting my head back and forth and trying to wriggle free but I was easily held in place . Somehow camouflage man forced his head in me and kept going . I thought I would break in two but he kept going . He didn 't stop until he was all the way in me . I was stuffed like I had never been before . It really hurt . Then somehow he began to fuck me . He would only pull back a few inches and thrust forward , but he didn 't stop . He just continued to fuck me . He was groaning beneath the mask . Though I had lost my erection his big cock was assaulting my special spot like never before . Tears were streaming out my eyes and down my face . All of a sudden I felt it , my girly dick was soft but it was starting to cum . It didn 't shoot , it just flowed but cum was leaking from it . My whole body was going through spasms from my orgasm . I was moaning from shame and pain and sexual ecstasy all at once . It proved too much for camouflage man as his big cock erupted inside me . He managed to pull out and finished cumming on my stomach and tits . He then staggered away dropping my legs . His partner rolled us to our sides and withdrew his cock . He scrambled to his knees over my face while jerking his cock . It let loose on me , spraying my hair and eyes and nose and cheeks . He managed to get the last drops right on the ball gag . As he got up he whispered to me . My mind really lost it then . I started wailing beneath the gag and thrashing about so much I fell off the table . If my hands were free and I had a gun there would be a lot of dead people in that house . Someone tried to hold me down but at that moment nothing could contain me . I was laughing and crying at the same time while rolling on the floor . A couple of people tried to grab me . I tried to kick at one and flailed my arms at the other . Finally I was held down , though I didn 't stop struggling . At some point I blacked out . When I came to , I was lying in a shower stall , the water beating against my skin . I didn 't move for a minute as I tried to gain my bearings . I heard the murmur of low voices . Cautiously I opened one eye a tiny bit and peeked out . When I adjusted to the light I saw Daddy and the cap man talking . They were speaking in hushed tones but I did hear some of what the cap man said . " It 's a shame what happened , sometimes things do . I would have liked a crack myself . But my offer still stands . I 'll give you a fair price for Chrissy and take her off your hands . " Though I didn 't hear Daddy 's response I could see him shake his head no . Trembling I closed my eye . In a little while the shower was turned off . I was wrapped in a dirty blanket and lifted up and carried . Soon I felt myself being placed on the floor of a vehicle . I opened my eye a slit and saw I was in the back seat of Daddy 's pick up . I sat up sometime during the trip home but wouldn 't talk . I stayed on the floor huddled in the blanket . It was night when we got home and Daddy carried me in and put me in bed . I wouldn 't eat or drink the next couple of days , I just slept a lot . When I was awake I planned . One morning Daddy came to the room . " I 'll go " I said , the first words I 'd spoken since that day . In a little while I got up and showered . I ate that day as well . I refused to look at Daddy and would only answer with a yes or no to anything he said . I had no idea how long his hands off policy would last , but obviously my meltdown scared him . It was getting near evening as I shouldered my bag and headed south on Route 209 . The bag wasn 't heavy , some clothes and toiletries mostly . Plus a six month supply of my special medicine . In my bra , hidden in the lining was one thousand dollars I had gotten from Dr . Wilde . I had picked up a few final items from Walmart on the way . My early birthday presents to myself . The new denim jacket I was wearing . The little folding knife that was clipped to the inside of my skirt waistband . On the way to the register I had noticed a bandanna that was now pinned to the back of my jacket . I knew it was from a state flag somewhere . It was a rattlesnake coiled . Above , it said Don 't Tread On Me and at the bottom Live Free Or Die . I planned to . As I looked at the setting sun I saw clouds . It looked like rain . |
Two Posts tonight . Firstly I promised to tell you more about my big date but I also need to rant . NL is still driving me mad at work , I now have to believe that it is youthful arrogance as opposed to youthful enthusiasm . Yesterday , he had a call from the agency that found him the job , I know it can be difficult to be totally honest when they phone to see if you are doing ok especially if they phone you at work when you are surrounded by your new colleagues . But he told her that everything is going well , no problems at all . Later our boss asks him how he is getting on and again he says he has no problems . ahem I would like to wring his neck for him , he is so cocky thinking that he can do it . I don 't mind if he asks me questions or for help but the problem is that he prefers to just get on with it on his own . Very commendable except that he doesn 't know what he is doing . Who is it that has to unravel everything and put it right ? me of course . . . . . . . . . . grrrrrrrrrBecause he had made so many mistakes on customer orders I now have to check every order before he puts it onto the system . Highlighting customer purchase numbers , account numbers , address codes , making sure all the product codes are correct and the quantities are as they should be ( most products are sold as singles even if we only sell them by pack size but a few items are the other way around , it takes time to get used to this . If he takes an order over the phone I have to check that he has got the account and product codes right the quantities are correct and it gets sent to right address . Today he took an order from one of our longest running accounts . This customer speaks very fast and doesn 't give product codes just brief description , he expects us to know what he ' always has ' . I didn 't know he had taken this order until after it had been processed and was ready to be taken to the warehouse to be picked and packed . Nobody had checked this order and all he had were the product codes and quantities . I asked him if the customer had given him the codes ( knowingLady in red Ok so now I am ready to spill the beans or at least some of them . Having arrived a little late due to the heavy traffic ' grockles heading to the coast ' ( he doesn 't much like grockles and said so many times ) . I climbed into his very nice comfortable S type Jaguar . We said hello and he asked what we do now , so once he had turned his car around I suggested I take him upto my favourite view looking out over the city and the sea beyond it . I directed him along the route I take every morning until we reached the turning for the motorway , instead we carried on north up through a local village before turning east along the back roads that pass through some lovely countryside . I 'm not sure when but somewhere along the road he held my hand . It felt so right to be holding hands and we just talked and talked until we reached our destination . Parking up he left the air con on for a few minutes before going to get a drink . Only he then leaned over for a kiss , our first kiss after waiting for so long . That kiss soon became lots of kisses . After an age of sitting in his car talking a little and kissing a lot he asked if instead of visiting the local castle that sat nestled on the edge of the water far below us perhaps we should just find a hotel room . I reminded him that we had agreed that we wouldn 't sleep together on our first date . But that was months ago and our conversations have at times become very intimate and at times extremely horny . He didn 't put any pressure on me , just told me that I was driving him wild . ( yes I know that is pressure of a sort ) . But we both wanted it , we have waited so long to be together and I had no idea how long I would have to wait until I get to see him again . I couldn 't wait another 5 months . I was comfortable with him it felt right so I agreed . He asked where we could find a good hotel , ( remember this man spends half his life in 5 * hotels ) . I mentioned the big hotel virtually below where we were sitting . So he rang through and reserved a room . It must be lovely to be in a position where you donPosted by My plan for the weekend was a quiet evening on friday , recoupe some of my energy after the long week . Do some of my spreadsheets for work . Saturday do a little grocery shopping , catch up on some laundry and other chores then get stuck into spreadsheets whilst boys at Cricket for the day . Sunday much the same except for shopping although I did think I might go for a drive with my camera . My reality was that I was so tired on friday evening that I fell asleep , woke up blogged for a while , watched the BB eviction . Fell asleep again ! ! Woke up late and chatted to LV then Romeo . By the time I had finished chatting and blogging it was 4am . Up again before 9 . 30am . JA and OJ were going to the cricket finals at The Rose Bowl . I asked OJ if he had money for the day . ' I 've got some but JA might want some . ' I got my purse out to see what money I had , taking out £ 5 note , JA took my purse looked in it before handing it back saying . ' No mummy you keep that ' wasn 't that sweet of him ? so I gave him £ 2 coin instead . I spent the rest of the morning blogging while I waited for DC to tell me he had transferred money into my bank account . By lunchtime I hadn 't heard from him so I rang him . He had been to bank but not transferred money , but had withdrawn it in cash . I arranged to meet him in town and I went on a mini shopping spree . Then stopped at mother 's for a cuppa and a chin wag . Even though we only live 2 miles apart we sometimes don 't see each other for weeks . She is mentally preparing herself for her op on thursday . I showed her the two blouses I had bought . Interestingly although I didn 't ask her which I shoukd wear she gave me her opinion anyway which just so happened to be the one I had already chosen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . damned if I was going to tell her that though . Next it was a quick trip to asda for a few bits for dinner and for the boys on sunday while I was out . I ended up buying about 4 or 5 day worth of food . Whilst there I spied the daughter and son in law of my friend and former colleauge whose husband had sent me money foPosted by Before he went to Thailand a couple of weeks ago Romeo told me that it would be his last long trip for a while . Then he had a couple of short trips then a time when his diary would be fairly free . I suggested that he hide his diary . When he returned we chatted but he didn 't say anything about when he will be free . A couple of days ago he told me that the time was an hour ahead where he was . So I wasn 't expecting much from him until he gets back . Friday morning he text me that ' may be able to meet next week possibility now there xxxxxx ' ' tell me more ' ' will later just going into meeting xxxx ' I must have been grinning like a fool for the rest of the morning , it certainly felt good to me . I expected to hear from him again later in the day but by the time I left work there had been no further word . To end my working day , as I sped towards the motorway , I saw something most unexpected . Flying around the bend in my little car , as the road I was on merged with the road that would soon become motorway , there ahead of me , suspended above the road , was a giant red love heart . This puzzled me , as I tried to work out how it was done . It had obviously been created by red smoke from planes , probably something like The Red Arrows but there was nothing else in sight other than three vapour trails in red , white and blue to one side of the heart . then from out of nowhere the red arrows came shooting towards me . Soon I had left the heart and the planes behind me as I headed home . A few hours later I still hadn 't heard from Romeo , part of me wasn 't worried , he was obviously busy . But a small part of me said he did this before . He told me that we could meet next week then I didn 't hear from him for two weeks . But even though these thoughts crossed my mind I still had faith that I would hear more from him soon . Chatting online with a facebook friend , blogging the hours soon passed . I woke up on the sofa with my laptop on my knees again ! ! I was just trying to rouse myself to go upstairs when a chat window opened . I was a little surprised asPosted by If this don 't bring a tear to your eye … . . ! SOMEONE said . . . Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you 've had a baby . Somebody doesn 't know that once you 're a mother , " Normal , " is history . Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . . Somebody never took a three - year - old shopping . Somebody said being a mother is boring . . . . . . Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver 's permit . Somebody said if you 're a " good " mother , your child will " turn out good . " Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee . Somebody said " good " mothers never raise their voices . Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor 's kitchen window . Somebody said you don 't need an education to be a mother . Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math . Somebody said you can 't love the fifth child as much as you love the first . Somebody doesn 't have five children . S0mebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child - rearing questions in the books . . . . . . . Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears . Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery . . . . . . . . . . . Somebody never watched her " baby " get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten . or on a plane headed for military " boot camp . " Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back . . . . . . . somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies . Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married . . . Somebody doesn 't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter - in - law to a mother 's heartstrings . Somebody said a mother 's job is done when her last child leaves home . . . . Somebody never had grandchildren . Somebody said your mother knows you love her , so you don 't need to tell her . Somebody isn 't a mother . Somebody driving one of these . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . is taking me out over the weekend As a child I wasn 't very girly . I didn 't play with dolls or play girly games . My best friend was a boy , he was the lad all the girls in our class adored but he was my best friend and I his . I loved nothing better than climbing trees or playing with cars ( by that I mean toy cars ) . By the time I was at senior school I was hanging out with girls rather than boys , but I still wasn 't really a girly girl . I did like boys but was very shy around them . I met my first love when I was 16 , I had just turned 17 when I lost my virginity to him . I thought he was everything I could want in a man . But then his friends began asking when we were going to get engaged . I told him what his friends had been saying and it scared him off . I was devastated . Because of him I had a party for my 18th ( I hadn 't originally planned to have a party ) we had kept in contact an he was the only person I really wanted there . But I hadn 't expected him to get off with one of my friends . I was heart broken , but strangely it brought me and my friend Nicki closer together . Both of them would invite me out either with them both or on their own . Bless her Nicki realised how I felt about FL and began to drop out of dates leaving me with FL . Then there was the time he asked me to join him for a walk in Ashdown Forest . We walked , we talked then we rested on the ground , but I wouldn 't look at him , I was so afraid of looking at him . I remember lying on my back watching a plane making its trail across a blue sky . He was asking me why wouldn 't look at him , he was trying to tell me that he still had feelings for me . But to my mind he was seeing Nicki so that was that . Days later they had split up for me . But I had met my future Fiance . I liked my new b / f but he wasn 't FL . Every few weeks FL would call round to my home for a chat . I longed for FL to claim me as his , to ask me to be his g / f again , he didn 't . Soon FF had asked me to become engaged , I wasn 't sure but I said yes . Next time FL called round I told him I was getting engaged . I wanted him to be jealous but inPosted by On Monday morning I wasn 't feeling well so I took myself home to bed . As I was driving towards the motorway I realised that it was still the morning rush hour so I detoured across the hill . It was a lovely sunny morning and I would have loved to stop and take some photos of the views . I always love being up there . But I was struggling to concentrate on the road so I got myself home as quickly as possible . I was tucked up in my bed by 9 . 15am and stayed there all day sleeping and trying to get rid of an excruciating headache that made me nauseous . Anyway getting to the point , today we got a message at work that there had been a bad accident near to the town where I live causing huge tailbacks on the motorway . Realising that all the alternative routes would also be snarled up I decided to take myself up onto the hill and park up in one of the car parks . I chose one in the lane beside the Gladstonian Pub . Listened to the traffic news the went to sit at a picnic table where I took a few snaps of the views from the hill . I feel so lucky that I have these views so close to my home . It was lovely sitting there in the late afternoon with the warm sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair . You can 't see it so well in this photo but the sea was a lovely deep blue under a bright blue sky , with white sails on the boats so far away looking like a holiday destination of some far away place I can only dream of . A little over a month ago I left work on time for a change and headed west along the motorway , going several junctions past where I usually turn off I came to the junction nearest to my destination . Crossing over the motorway the turning left past the place where I did some temping as a receptionist in 2006 / 2007 the same place where I wrote this story during the quiet times . Along past the fast food outlets on the right before turning left again to re cross the motorway . At the next traffic lights turning left again twards the hotel where I met HMU 18 months ago . we are still friends and exchange advice on regular intervals although not as often now as we were . It is also the same hotel where I used to stay with Swinger and where my special friday took place last August . I can 't believe it was almost a year ago now . Once past the hotel I went on up the hill pulling into the golf club car park . . . . . . I never knew there was a golf club there . I knew there was a tennis club though as you can see that from the hotel , Swinger and I had wandered what it was the first time we stayed there . But on this occasion I was not there for the hotel , tennis or golf . I tottered across the road in my heels to jin the other parents . I don 't know very many of them , most of ET 's friends are just names to me . Obviously I know his close friends that he hangs out with but thats all . After a while the fancy cars start to arrive . The occupants all dressed up in their finery . I did take some photos on my mobile but I am having trouble uploading photos from my mobile so here are a few from my camera . This lad who has grown up on a farm drove himself to the venue dressed in his Dinner Jacket ( dad was there to drive it away though ) These girls arrived with an escort of a dozen motorcycles , I expect they enjoyed it until the guy in front of them decided to rev his engine excessivelly covering the girls in a shroud of smoke stinking of hot rubber . There were the usual vintage cars and then there were these Hummers . Some were white one or two were blacPosted by I really do not understand what goes through his head if anything at all . What the hell can he be thinking of when he does this ? Last night I fell asleep on the sofa writing my post about my fears regarding meeting Romeo at long last . Work is still hectic , although I was banned from doing the day to day work so that I could concentrate on my Scotland project . Romeo was texting me on and off through out which was nice . But at the end of the day I was tired and yet again I fell asleep with my laptop on my knees . I woke up at around 1 . 30am then after a quick visit to the bathroom thought I would finish writing my post before going to bed . The TV was still on as DC had left it after watching Saving Private Ryan again . I became engrossed in watching something called ' Bones ' . when a chat window opened up asking me what I was doing ? . . . . . . . . . . watching tv . LV had also not long ago woken up . We chatted for a while , I had finished my post by this time . I fell asleep again and woke up when my alarm went off in my handbag ( I use the alarm on my mobile ) . so finally at 5 . 50am I went to bed . I woke at 9am but dozed off again for a while before pottering around having a lazy morning . When I decided it was time to go shopping I had a shock . . . . . . . . walking down the footpath towards the road I couldn 't see my car ! ! I knew that DC had gone out earlier , but his car was still parked in the road . It didn 't take long before I was on the phone to ask him wtf he was playing at . I figure he thought he would save fuel by using my car . The other lads confirmed that they thought he had gone to the gym so that means at least an hour but he had been gone for a while already . By 4pm I still hadn 't heard from him even though I had called his mobile several times . It was either in the locker or he had left it in the car . He very rarely answers his phone when I call him . I rang princess ( his g / f ) to see if he had gone to visit her after she finished work . But she didn 't know where he was either . Finally he turned up at about 4 . 45pm I was soooo not impressPosted by Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time will know that I adore my Romeo . Having found each other on a dating site back in February we both had high hopes for a relationship between us . Unfortunately he is incredibly dedicated to his own businesses ( global ) which has meant that he has spent the majority of the last few months abroad . On those occasions when he was in UK it was either for a meeting of one of the Companies he is a Director of , or between flights . Never quite long enough to arrange to see me . It would be so much easier if he was an employee he would be able to book time off from his work . But as he owns his own businesses he feels an obligation to his employees to make his Companies run as well and efficiently as he can . He feels he has to ensure that their clients have whatever they want which in many cases is ' the best ' ( him ) . Some of his cases have sudden emergencies and some continue far longer than predicted at the start . Plans change at short notice . He can tell me that he is flying out to Israel next day but next day he has gone nowhere as he is off to Iceland the next day instead . He can be in Berlin one day and Thailand 2 or 3 days later . It is not an easy life but it is one that he loves because he loves his work . But a big draw back is the constant tiredness due to regular jet lag or late night meetings followed by breakfast meetings or dawn flights . A few days ago he returned from his latest trip to the southern hemisphere , a trip that lasted a mere 5 days , so his jet lag has been bad . the following few days we had a lot of email , text and IM , between him falling asleep and me working . Since then he has got back into catching up with business matters . But he has still found time to text me even if it was one text between meetings . He is trying to work it out so that we can finally meet for the first time . We have not talked about what we expect from each other or the future , first we need to get past this first meeting . We both feel that personality wise we know each othePosted by My computer calendar had a reminder on it today Thursday 17th July . . . . . . . mum hospital ( my mum 's third operation on her right knee since she retired 5 years ago ) 18 months after her knee replacement she still can 't walk further than a couple of hunfred feet without a stick or a crutch . She feels depressed because after years of pain she had hoped to be able to walk without pain again , to be able to do all the things she has always loved to do . but o far she is no better now than she was a month a week after her op . On monday my mum attended the Hospital for her pre op appointment , xrays , bloodtests etc . But not long after returning home she got a call telling her that the op scheduled for today was being postponed until 31st July . Mum had arrangements in place for taking her to hospital , collecting her and home care but now the date has changed she will need me to collect her from hospital and stay with her . These things can 't be helped but it does mean that mum will still be in pain for another two weeks . I really hope that this time they can sort out the problem so that my mum can get her life back again . Posted by Driving home from work today absent mindedly singing along to classic soul I found myself paying attention to the lyrics of this song . It got me thinking about lack of respect . How men who treat their women like this have no respect for either woman . But worse , how women who allow their man to behave like this have no respect for themselves . But the worse thing of all is that I have been one of these women . When I met N , he was the first new man in my life for 20 years . I thought he was wonderful , after all I had been trained to believe that no man other than my husband would ever want me , and I was lucky that he put up with me . N made me feel good , for the first time in 19 years I felt sexy again . He wanted to prove to me that I meant more to him than just sex , but he was already seeing someone else . ( She knew about me from the start but still got involved with him ) . By the time I found out about TB ( the bitch ) he had been seeing her behind my back for a month . N doesn 't drive ( medical reasons ) he lives about half an hour away from me and TB about 1 . 5 hrs away . She would take him to her home where he would be stuck until she took him home ( which was often 2 or 3 weeks ) , at the end of that time he would call me up , tell me he was finished with TB and only wanted me . Just when I thought everything was going well between us he would be off with her again . I should have told him to get lost but I didn 't . I thought I loved him , he always told me that it was really me he wanted , but she had some kind of power over him . He always said that I was the nice one and she . . . . . . . . well she just wasn 't . Anyway the three of us carried on in this way for too many months . Him living with her for 2 or 3 weeks then being with me for a couple of weeks . Until the time came when I took a stand , he hurt me badly and on this occasion he said something that I just couldn 't forgive . I punched him as hard as I could muster in my fury before driving off into the heat of the day . Later I went back mainly to see if I was still angry , but using Posted by I don 't believe it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . what will it be next ? OJ just came into my room to tell me that Nipper has found a new trick . In our hall ( if you can call it that , its so small ) we have an old cabbage basket that we use for shoes . As there are five of us and those four all have size eight or nine feet , except JA who is a size six , the basket is piled quite high . It transpires that Nipper was sat on the top of the pile of shoes . Nothing unusual in this , I have seen her sat there lots of times over the years . But this time they believe that DC caught her stood up reaching up to the door handle . Yeah right ! ! ! Earlier as I was driving down to the village where JA had been at the youth club , a cyclist in full cycling gear rode onto the road I was driving on . At the traffic lights I could see him in my rear view mirror and wondered if it was Bovril . I don 't think I ever mentioned Bovril before , mainly because he was reading my blog , however I don 't think he has read my blogs for months now . I pulled away from the lights before the blue lycra clad cyclist had caught up to my car , but as I turned right to go down the hill I could see the next lot of lights were on red . As I sat there I could see the blue vision filling my wing mirror as he got closer . But again the lights changed and I was off down the hill towards the village . I was amused to see that when I turned left into the village so did the cyclist . I was not amused however when I thought he was going to come crashing through my rear window . Just as I reached the narrowest part of the road between two houses at the start of the village proper , a car came from the blind turning on the right . I had no choice but to slam my brakes on with cyclist very close to my bumper . I did at this point get a brief glimpse of his face and I don 't think it was Bovril . As I made my way through the village there was this blue person constantly in my mirror until finally I drove up the hill on the far side of the village and turned into the road where JA was waiting on the grassLady in red Yesterday evening my youngest asked me to collect him and his bike which had ' a proper flat tyre ' ( I did ask him if that is better than a pretend flat tyre and is it the same as a normal flat tyre ) from the village . As I went out of the front door our cat shot inside . Because the door to the livingroom was shut I rang the doorbell , ( so that one of the boys would open the door ) and continued down the footpath . When I returned about 20 minutes later the cat was back on the footpath . I didn 't think much about it . Later in the evening DC told me that Nipper had rung the doorbell . DC and OJ then began to tell me that the doorbell had rung but when they opened the door no one was there but Nipper ran inside . Between them they have convinced each other that she had jumped onto the blue mail box on the wall by the door , pressed the bell then jumped down to wait for the door to open . They are convinced she was on the doorstep not in the hall . OJ thinks that she must have watched people press the bell and learnt that it makes us open the door . I am remaining taciturn on the subject . I know that for years Nipper has knocked on the door or the cat flap to be let in but how could these two supposedly bright lads of 17 and 20 really believe that she would ring the doorbell . I was going to say that I have also been guilty of being gullible in the last 24 hours but I don 't think gullible is really the right word to describe what my mischief has got me into . If you have read my post about Romeo over on battle the other day , you will know that we are getting back on track again . During our conversation last Monday he promised to upgrade his private phone so that he can contact me where ever he is . Yesterday we were having a very nice exchange of text messages over the course of 2 hours . Nothing exceptional about this except that he was in Thailand waiting for his flight back home . Later after I had been to the gym ( yes you read that right I forced myself to go to the gym for the second time since March ) , I was thinking about Romeo ( nPosted by Where to startTraffic on the way to Goodwood was pretty much stop start for milesBut we eventually arrived at about 11am then cam the long walk from the carpark , first making a mental note of where we were parked ( between two 4 x 4 's ) . It didn 't take me long to realise just how unfit I ahve become in the last few months of not going to the gym regularly ( something I really must do something about maybe I 'll go tomorrow ) . On arrival at the festival we first had a look at the ' touring cars ' lots of engine revving and cars being lovingly polished . I loved seeing all the old Alpha Romeo cars ( mostly red ) . Before moving on to the paddocks where we were able to see cars driven by all the well known formula top names over the past 40 or 50 decades . At this stage in the day I was using my phones for taking pictures ( I have not uploaded them yet as I need to dig out the cable ~ I know you are thinking thank heavens for that ) . But here are a few of the pictures I did take on my little digital camera . The rain held off for the majority of the day after my previous fears of being soaked . The only heavy down pour happened as we were heading home in the safety of LV 's car . However I did wear my new yellow high visibilty coat which was a blessing as this meant that LV and I didn 't have to stick together like glue all day . I could wander about looking at the cars that took my interest while LV looked at the once he was interested in . He could keep track of where I was as I was indeed very visible . Obviously LV was not quite so visible to me and once or twice he surprised me when he appeared from the middle of the crowds . It is amazing seeing the different syles of cars . One minute I was looking at this Porscheand next minute there were these familiar cars , and what a thrill this little boy 's family had when he was lifted into the driver 's seat . In the middle of the afternoon we sat on the grass near to Goodwood House . On the track there was a demonstration by Dougie Lampkin bouncing his motorbike on and off a subaru . Being a massive Posted by Tonight I have been catching upmy friend Ronjazz has reopened his blog with promises of more Harem storiesI have also been catching up on another bloglast year I was reading dj 's friend Toby 's blog , but due to circumstances he gave up blogging however he was writing a story which he was posting one chapter at a time on a blog , I had been reading it every week until I was without the internet for a few weeks before xmas . I never really got back into reading it . So tonight I looked for and found it , after reading a couple of chapters I fell asleep ( through fatigue ) . When I woke up I had lost my internet connection so after several attempts I resorted to the desk top . But as I was going to say if you like a good read and don 't mind adult content you should read Princess Tanya 's Beautiful DreamsThe other night I was watching Top Gear with the boys and they were doing a special challenge with Alpha Romeos . Of course this caught my attention as the very first car I drove was a red Alpha Sud back in the late 70s . My dad took me to the council offices where my mum worked so I could practice in the carpark on a Sunday afternoon . Unfortunately he taught me how to get started but I didn 't know how to stop and found myself using a hedge instead of the brakes . we were on a slope that led down to where the dustcarts were parked and I went into panic mode thinking I would hit a dustcart , the hedge seemed like a better bet . I failed that first driving testin tunbridge Wells , for being too hesitant . It was 5 years before I drove again , agai I was too hesitant but the next time I wasn 't hesitant enough . Then I took my test again but in Sevenoaks , the day before my test my instructor told us he couldn 't take me for my test , so my dad took me and took my test in his Mitzubishi Lancer estate instead of the Mazda I had been learning in . to this day I still say I passed because the examiner was playing with the electric windows . Isn 't it odd how something that we take for granted these days was such a novelty in those days . Divorced mother of four boys in my mid forties , Cancer survivor , slowly changing my life for the better . this blog will reflect my journey . Love , life , humour , heartache its all a part of me . |
Two Posts tonight . Firstly I promised to tell you more about my big date but I also need to rant . NL is still driving me mad at work , I now have to believe that it is youthful arrogance as opposed to youthful enthusiasm . Yesterday , he had a call from the agency that found him the job , I know it can be difficult to be totally honest when they phone to see if you are doing ok especially if they phone you at work when you are surrounded by your new colleagues . But he told her that everything is going well , no problems at all . Later our boss asks him how he is getting on and again he says he has no problems . ahem I would like to wring his neck for him , he is so cocky thinking that he can do it . I don 't mind if he asks me questions or for help but the problem is that he prefers to just get on with it on his own . Very commendable except that he doesn 't know what he is doing . Who is it that has to unravel everything and put it right ? me of course . . . . . . . . . . grrrrrrrrrBecause he had made so many mistakes on customer orders I now have to check every order before he puts it onto the system . Highlighting customer purchase numbers , account numbers , address codes , making sure all the product codes are correct and the quantities are as they should be ( most products are sold as singles even if we only sell them by pack size but a few items are the other way around , it takes time to get used to this . If he takes an order over the phone I have to check that he has got the account and product codes right the quantities are correct and it gets sent to right address . Today he took an order from one of our longest running accounts . This customer speaks very fast and doesn 't give product codes just brief description , he expects us to know what he ' always has ' . I didn 't know he had taken this order until after it had been processed and was ready to be taken to the warehouse to be picked and packed . Nobody had checked this order and all he had were the product codes and quantities . I asked him if the customer had given him the codes ( knowingLady in red Ok so now I am ready to spill the beans or at least some of them . Having arrived a little late due to the heavy traffic ' grockles heading to the coast ' ( he doesn 't much like grockles and said so many times ) . I climbed into his very nice comfortable S type Jaguar . We said hello and he asked what we do now , so once he had turned his car around I suggested I take him upto my favourite view looking out over the city and the sea beyond it . I directed him along the route I take every morning until we reached the turning for the motorway , instead we carried on north up through a local village before turning east along the back roads that pass through some lovely countryside . I 'm not sure when but somewhere along the road he held my hand . It felt so right to be holding hands and we just talked and talked until we reached our destination . Parking up he left the air con on for a few minutes before going to get a drink . Only he then leaned over for a kiss , our first kiss after waiting for so long . That kiss soon became lots of kisses . After an age of sitting in his car talking a little and kissing a lot he asked if instead of visiting the local castle that sat nestled on the edge of the water far below us perhaps we should just find a hotel room . I reminded him that we had agreed that we wouldn 't sleep together on our first date . But that was months ago and our conversations have at times become very intimate and at times extremely horny . He didn 't put any pressure on me , just told me that I was driving him wild . ( yes I know that is pressure of a sort ) . But we both wanted it , we have waited so long to be together and I had no idea how long I would have to wait until I get to see him again . I couldn 't wait another 5 months . I was comfortable with him it felt right so I agreed . He asked where we could find a good hotel , ( remember this man spends half his life in 5 * hotels ) . I mentioned the big hotel virtually below where we were sitting . So he rang through and reserved a room . It must be lovely to be in a position where you donPosted by My plan for the weekend was a quiet evening on friday , recoupe some of my energy after the long week . Do some of my spreadsheets for work . Saturday do a little grocery shopping , catch up on some laundry and other chores then get stuck into spreadsheets whilst boys at Cricket for the day . Sunday much the same except for shopping although I did think I might go for a drive with my camera . My reality was that I was so tired on friday evening that I fell asleep , woke up blogged for a while , watched the BB eviction . Fell asleep again ! ! Woke up late and chatted to LV then Romeo . By the time I had finished chatting and blogging it was 4am . Up again before 9 . 30am . JA and OJ were going to the cricket finals at The Rose Bowl . I asked OJ if he had money for the day . ' I 've got some but JA might want some . ' I got my purse out to see what money I had , taking out £ 5 note , JA took my purse looked in it before handing it back saying . ' No mummy you keep that ' wasn 't that sweet of him ? so I gave him £ 2 coin instead . I spent the rest of the morning blogging while I waited for DC to tell me he had transferred money into my bank account . By lunchtime I hadn 't heard from him so I rang him . He had been to bank but not transferred money , but had withdrawn it in cash . I arranged to meet him in town and I went on a mini shopping spree . Then stopped at mother 's for a cuppa and a chin wag . Even though we only live 2 miles apart we sometimes don 't see each other for weeks . She is mentally preparing herself for her op on thursday . I showed her the two blouses I had bought . Interestingly although I didn 't ask her which I shoukd wear she gave me her opinion anyway which just so happened to be the one I had already chosen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . damned if I was going to tell her that though . Next it was a quick trip to asda for a few bits for dinner and for the boys on sunday while I was out . I ended up buying about 4 or 5 day worth of food . Whilst there I spied the daughter and son in law of my friend and former colleauge whose husband had sent me money foPosted by Before he went to Thailand a couple of weeks ago Romeo told me that it would be his last long trip for a while . Then he had a couple of short trips then a time when his diary would be fairly free . I suggested that he hide his diary . When he returned we chatted but he didn 't say anything about when he will be free . A couple of days ago he told me that the time was an hour ahead where he was . So I wasn 't expecting much from him until he gets back . Friday morning he text me that ' may be able to meet next week possibility now there xxxxxx ' ' tell me more ' ' will later just going into meeting xxxx ' I must have been grinning like a fool for the rest of the morning , it certainly felt good to me . I expected to hear from him again later in the day but by the time I left work there had been no further word . To end my working day , as I sped towards the motorway , I saw something most unexpected . Flying around the bend in my little car , as the road I was on merged with the road that would soon become motorway , there ahead of me , suspended above the road , was a giant red love heart . This puzzled me , as I tried to work out how it was done . It had obviously been created by red smoke from planes , probably something like The Red Arrows but there was nothing else in sight other than three vapour trails in red , white and blue to one side of the heart . then from out of nowhere the red arrows came shooting towards me . Soon I had left the heart and the planes behind me as I headed home . A few hours later I still hadn 't heard from Romeo , part of me wasn 't worried , he was obviously busy . But a small part of me said he did this before . He told me that we could meet next week then I didn 't hear from him for two weeks . But even though these thoughts crossed my mind I still had faith that I would hear more from him soon . Chatting online with a facebook friend , blogging the hours soon passed . I woke up on the sofa with my laptop on my knees again ! ! I was just trying to rouse myself to go upstairs when a chat window opened . I was a little surprised asPosted by If this don 't bring a tear to your eye … . . ! SOMEONE said . . . Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you 've had a baby . Somebody doesn 't know that once you 're a mother , " Normal , " is history . Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . . Somebody never took a three - year - old shopping . Somebody said being a mother is boring . . . . . . Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver 's permit . Somebody said if you 're a " good " mother , your child will " turn out good . " Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee . Somebody said " good " mothers never raise their voices . Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor 's kitchen window . Somebody said you don 't need an education to be a mother . Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math . Somebody said you can 't love the fifth child as much as you love the first . Somebody doesn 't have five children . S0mebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child - rearing questions in the books . . . . . . . Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears . Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery . . . . . . . . . . . Somebody never watched her " baby " get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten . or on a plane headed for military " boot camp . " Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back . . . . . . . somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies . Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married . . . Somebody doesn 't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter - in - law to a mother 's heartstrings . Somebody said a mother 's job is done when her last child leaves home . . . . Somebody never had grandchildren . Somebody said your mother knows you love her , so you don 't need to tell her . Somebody isn 't a mother . Somebody driving one of these . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . is taking me out over the weekend As a child I wasn 't very girly . I didn 't play with dolls or play girly games . My best friend was a boy , he was the lad all the girls in our class adored but he was my best friend and I his . I loved nothing better than climbing trees or playing with cars ( by that I mean toy cars ) . By the time I was at senior school I was hanging out with girls rather than boys , but I still wasn 't really a girly girl . I did like boys but was very shy around them . I met my first love when I was 16 , I had just turned 17 when I lost my virginity to him . I thought he was everything I could want in a man . But then his friends began asking when we were going to get engaged . I told him what his friends had been saying and it scared him off . I was devastated . Because of him I had a party for my 18th ( I hadn 't originally planned to have a party ) we had kept in contact an he was the only person I really wanted there . But I hadn 't expected him to get off with one of my friends . I was heart broken , but strangely it brought me and my friend Nicki closer together . Both of them would invite me out either with them both or on their own . Bless her Nicki realised how I felt about FL and began to drop out of dates leaving me with FL . Then there was the time he asked me to join him for a walk in Ashdown Forest . We walked , we talked then we rested on the ground , but I wouldn 't look at him , I was so afraid of looking at him . I remember lying on my back watching a plane making its trail across a blue sky . He was asking me why wouldn 't look at him , he was trying to tell me that he still had feelings for me . But to my mind he was seeing Nicki so that was that . Days later they had split up for me . But I had met my future Fiance . I liked my new b / f but he wasn 't FL . Every few weeks FL would call round to my home for a chat . I longed for FL to claim me as his , to ask me to be his g / f again , he didn 't . Soon FF had asked me to become engaged , I wasn 't sure but I said yes . Next time FL called round I told him I was getting engaged . I wanted him to be jealous but inPosted by On Monday morning I wasn 't feeling well so I took myself home to bed . As I was driving towards the motorway I realised that it was still the morning rush hour so I detoured across the hill . It was a lovely sunny morning and I would have loved to stop and take some photos of the views . I always love being up there . But I was struggling to concentrate on the road so I got myself home as quickly as possible . I was tucked up in my bed by 9 . 15am and stayed there all day sleeping and trying to get rid of an excruciating headache that made me nauseous . Anyway getting to the point , today we got a message at work that there had been a bad accident near to the town where I live causing huge tailbacks on the motorway . Realising that all the alternative routes would also be snarled up I decided to take myself up onto the hill and park up in one of the car parks . I chose one in the lane beside the Gladstonian Pub . Listened to the traffic news the went to sit at a picnic table where I took a few snaps of the views from the hill . I feel so lucky that I have these views so close to my home . It was lovely sitting there in the late afternoon with the warm sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair . You can 't see it so well in this photo but the sea was a lovely deep blue under a bright blue sky , with white sails on the boats so far away looking like a holiday destination of some far away place I can only dream of . A little over a month ago I left work on time for a change and headed west along the motorway , going several junctions past where I usually turn off I came to the junction nearest to my destination . Crossing over the motorway the turning left past the place where I did some temping as a receptionist in 2006 / 2007 the same place where I wrote this story during the quiet times . Along past the fast food outlets on the right before turning left again to re cross the motorway . At the next traffic lights turning left again twards the hotel where I met HMU 18 months ago . we are still friends and exchange advice on regular intervals although not as often now as we were . It is also the same hotel where I used to stay with Swinger and where my special friday took place last August . I can 't believe it was almost a year ago now . Once past the hotel I went on up the hill pulling into the golf club car park . . . . . . I never knew there was a golf club there . I knew there was a tennis club though as you can see that from the hotel , Swinger and I had wandered what it was the first time we stayed there . But on this occasion I was not there for the hotel , tennis or golf . I tottered across the road in my heels to jin the other parents . I don 't know very many of them , most of ET 's friends are just names to me . Obviously I know his close friends that he hangs out with but thats all . After a while the fancy cars start to arrive . The occupants all dressed up in their finery . I did take some photos on my mobile but I am having trouble uploading photos from my mobile so here are a few from my camera . This lad who has grown up on a farm drove himself to the venue dressed in his Dinner Jacket ( dad was there to drive it away though ) These girls arrived with an escort of a dozen motorcycles , I expect they enjoyed it until the guy in front of them decided to rev his engine excessivelly covering the girls in a shroud of smoke stinking of hot rubber . There were the usual vintage cars and then there were these Hummers . Some were white one or two were blacPosted by I really do not understand what goes through his head if anything at all . What the hell can he be thinking of when he does this ? Last night I fell asleep on the sofa writing my post about my fears regarding meeting Romeo at long last . Work is still hectic , although I was banned from doing the day to day work so that I could concentrate on my Scotland project . Romeo was texting me on and off through out which was nice . But at the end of the day I was tired and yet again I fell asleep with my laptop on my knees . I woke up at around 1 . 30am then after a quick visit to the bathroom thought I would finish writing my post before going to bed . The TV was still on as DC had left it after watching Saving Private Ryan again . I became engrossed in watching something called ' Bones ' . when a chat window opened up asking me what I was doing ? . . . . . . . . . . watching tv . LV had also not long ago woken up . We chatted for a while , I had finished my post by this time . I fell asleep again and woke up when my alarm went off in my handbag ( I use the alarm on my mobile ) . so finally at 5 . 50am I went to bed . I woke at 9am but dozed off again for a while before pottering around having a lazy morning . When I decided it was time to go shopping I had a shock . . . . . . . . walking down the footpath towards the road I couldn 't see my car ! ! I knew that DC had gone out earlier , but his car was still parked in the road . It didn 't take long before I was on the phone to ask him wtf he was playing at . I figure he thought he would save fuel by using my car . The other lads confirmed that they thought he had gone to the gym so that means at least an hour but he had been gone for a while already . By 4pm I still hadn 't heard from him even though I had called his mobile several times . It was either in the locker or he had left it in the car . He very rarely answers his phone when I call him . I rang princess ( his g / f ) to see if he had gone to visit her after she finished work . But she didn 't know where he was either . Finally he turned up at about 4 . 45pm I was soooo not impressPosted by Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time will know that I adore my Romeo . Having found each other on a dating site back in February we both had high hopes for a relationship between us . Unfortunately he is incredibly dedicated to his own businesses ( global ) which has meant that he has spent the majority of the last few months abroad . On those occasions when he was in UK it was either for a meeting of one of the Companies he is a Director of , or between flights . Never quite long enough to arrange to see me . It would be so much easier if he was an employee he would be able to book time off from his work . But as he owns his own businesses he feels an obligation to his employees to make his Companies run as well and efficiently as he can . He feels he has to ensure that their clients have whatever they want which in many cases is ' the best ' ( him ) . Some of his cases have sudden emergencies and some continue far longer than predicted at the start . Plans change at short notice . He can tell me that he is flying out to Israel next day but next day he has gone nowhere as he is off to Iceland the next day instead . He can be in Berlin one day and Thailand 2 or 3 days later . It is not an easy life but it is one that he loves because he loves his work . But a big draw back is the constant tiredness due to regular jet lag or late night meetings followed by breakfast meetings or dawn flights . A few days ago he returned from his latest trip to the southern hemisphere , a trip that lasted a mere 5 days , so his jet lag has been bad . the following few days we had a lot of email , text and IM , between him falling asleep and me working . Since then he has got back into catching up with business matters . But he has still found time to text me even if it was one text between meetings . He is trying to work it out so that we can finally meet for the first time . We have not talked about what we expect from each other or the future , first we need to get past this first meeting . We both feel that personality wise we know each othePosted by My computer calendar had a reminder on it today Thursday 17th July . . . . . . . mum hospital ( my mum 's third operation on her right knee since she retired 5 years ago ) 18 months after her knee replacement she still can 't walk further than a couple of hunfred feet without a stick or a crutch . She feels depressed because after years of pain she had hoped to be able to walk without pain again , to be able to do all the things she has always loved to do . but o far she is no better now than she was a month a week after her op . On monday my mum attended the Hospital for her pre op appointment , xrays , bloodtests etc . But not long after returning home she got a call telling her that the op scheduled for today was being postponed until 31st July . Mum had arrangements in place for taking her to hospital , collecting her and home care but now the date has changed she will need me to collect her from hospital and stay with her . These things can 't be helped but it does mean that mum will still be in pain for another two weeks . I really hope that this time they can sort out the problem so that my mum can get her life back again . Posted by Driving home from work today absent mindedly singing along to classic soul I found myself paying attention to the lyrics of this song . It got me thinking about lack of respect . How men who treat their women like this have no respect for either woman . But worse , how women who allow their man to behave like this have no respect for themselves . But the worse thing of all is that I have been one of these women . When I met N , he was the first new man in my life for 20 years . I thought he was wonderful , after all I had been trained to believe that no man other than my husband would ever want me , and I was lucky that he put up with me . N made me feel good , for the first time in 19 years I felt sexy again . He wanted to prove to me that I meant more to him than just sex , but he was already seeing someone else . ( She knew about me from the start but still got involved with him ) . By the time I found out about TB ( the bitch ) he had been seeing her behind my back for a month . N doesn 't drive ( medical reasons ) he lives about half an hour away from me and TB about 1 . 5 hrs away . She would take him to her home where he would be stuck until she took him home ( which was often 2 or 3 weeks ) , at the end of that time he would call me up , tell me he was finished with TB and only wanted me . Just when I thought everything was going well between us he would be off with her again . I should have told him to get lost but I didn 't . I thought I loved him , he always told me that it was really me he wanted , but she had some kind of power over him . He always said that I was the nice one and she . . . . . . . . well she just wasn 't . Anyway the three of us carried on in this way for too many months . Him living with her for 2 or 3 weeks then being with me for a couple of weeks . Until the time came when I took a stand , he hurt me badly and on this occasion he said something that I just couldn 't forgive . I punched him as hard as I could muster in my fury before driving off into the heat of the day . Later I went back mainly to see if I was still angry , but using Posted by I don 't believe it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . what will it be next ? OJ just came into my room to tell me that Nipper has found a new trick . In our hall ( if you can call it that , its so small ) we have an old cabbage basket that we use for shoes . As there are five of us and those four all have size eight or nine feet , except JA who is a size six , the basket is piled quite high . It transpires that Nipper was sat on the top of the pile of shoes . Nothing unusual in this , I have seen her sat there lots of times over the years . But this time they believe that DC caught her stood up reaching up to the door handle . Yeah right ! ! ! Earlier as I was driving down to the village where JA had been at the youth club , a cyclist in full cycling gear rode onto the road I was driving on . At the traffic lights I could see him in my rear view mirror and wondered if it was Bovril . I don 't think I ever mentioned Bovril before , mainly because he was reading my blog , however I don 't think he has read my blogs for months now . I pulled away from the lights before the blue lycra clad cyclist had caught up to my car , but as I turned right to go down the hill I could see the next lot of lights were on red . As I sat there I could see the blue vision filling my wing mirror as he got closer . But again the lights changed and I was off down the hill towards the village . I was amused to see that when I turned left into the village so did the cyclist . I was not amused however when I thought he was going to come crashing through my rear window . Just as I reached the narrowest part of the road between two houses at the start of the village proper , a car came from the blind turning on the right . I had no choice but to slam my brakes on with cyclist very close to my bumper . I did at this point get a brief glimpse of his face and I don 't think it was Bovril . As I made my way through the village there was this blue person constantly in my mirror until finally I drove up the hill on the far side of the village and turned into the road where JA was waiting on the grassLady in red Yesterday evening my youngest asked me to collect him and his bike which had ' a proper flat tyre ' ( I did ask him if that is better than a pretend flat tyre and is it the same as a normal flat tyre ) from the village . As I went out of the front door our cat shot inside . Because the door to the livingroom was shut I rang the doorbell , ( so that one of the boys would open the door ) and continued down the footpath . When I returned about 20 minutes later the cat was back on the footpath . I didn 't think much about it . Later in the evening DC told me that Nipper had rung the doorbell . DC and OJ then began to tell me that the doorbell had rung but when they opened the door no one was there but Nipper ran inside . Between them they have convinced each other that she had jumped onto the blue mail box on the wall by the door , pressed the bell then jumped down to wait for the door to open . They are convinced she was on the doorstep not in the hall . OJ thinks that she must have watched people press the bell and learnt that it makes us open the door . I am remaining taciturn on the subject . I know that for years Nipper has knocked on the door or the cat flap to be let in but how could these two supposedly bright lads of 17 and 20 really believe that she would ring the doorbell . I was going to say that I have also been guilty of being gullible in the last 24 hours but I don 't think gullible is really the right word to describe what my mischief has got me into . If you have read my post about Romeo over on battle the other day , you will know that we are getting back on track again . During our conversation last Monday he promised to upgrade his private phone so that he can contact me where ever he is . Yesterday we were having a very nice exchange of text messages over the course of 2 hours . Nothing exceptional about this except that he was in Thailand waiting for his flight back home . Later after I had been to the gym ( yes you read that right I forced myself to go to the gym for the second time since March ) , I was thinking about Romeo ( nPosted by Where to startTraffic on the way to Goodwood was pretty much stop start for milesBut we eventually arrived at about 11am then cam the long walk from the carpark , first making a mental note of where we were parked ( between two 4 x 4 's ) . It didn 't take me long to realise just how unfit I ahve become in the last few months of not going to the gym regularly ( something I really must do something about maybe I 'll go tomorrow ) . On arrival at the festival we first had a look at the ' touring cars ' lots of engine revving and cars being lovingly polished . I loved seeing all the old Alpha Romeo cars ( mostly red ) . Before moving on to the paddocks where we were able to see cars driven by all the well known formula top names over the past 40 or 50 decades . At this stage in the day I was using my phones for taking pictures ( I have not uploaded them yet as I need to dig out the cable ~ I know you are thinking thank heavens for that ) . But here are a few of the pictures I did take on my little digital camera . The rain held off for the majority of the day after my previous fears of being soaked . The only heavy down pour happened as we were heading home in the safety of LV 's car . However I did wear my new yellow high visibilty coat which was a blessing as this meant that LV and I didn 't have to stick together like glue all day . I could wander about looking at the cars that took my interest while LV looked at the once he was interested in . He could keep track of where I was as I was indeed very visible . Obviously LV was not quite so visible to me and once or twice he surprised me when he appeared from the middle of the crowds . It is amazing seeing the different syles of cars . One minute I was looking at this Porscheand next minute there were these familiar cars , and what a thrill this little boy 's family had when he was lifted into the driver 's seat . In the middle of the afternoon we sat on the grass near to Goodwood House . On the track there was a demonstration by Dougie Lampkin bouncing his motorbike on and off a subaru . Being a massive Posted by Tonight I have been catching upmy friend Ronjazz has reopened his blog with promises of more Harem storiesI have also been catching up on another bloglast year I was reading dj 's friend Toby 's blog , but due to circumstances he gave up blogging however he was writing a story which he was posting one chapter at a time on a blog , I had been reading it every week until I was without the internet for a few weeks before xmas . I never really got back into reading it . So tonight I looked for and found it , after reading a couple of chapters I fell asleep ( through fatigue ) . When I woke up I had lost my internet connection so after several attempts I resorted to the desk top . But as I was going to say if you like a good read and don 't mind adult content you should read Princess Tanya 's Beautiful DreamsThe other night I was watching Top Gear with the boys and they were doing a special challenge with Alpha Romeos . Of course this caught my attention as the very first car I drove was a red Alpha Sud back in the late 70s . My dad took me to the council offices where my mum worked so I could practice in the carpark on a Sunday afternoon . Unfortunately he taught me how to get started but I didn 't know how to stop and found myself using a hedge instead of the brakes . we were on a slope that led down to where the dustcarts were parked and I went into panic mode thinking I would hit a dustcart , the hedge seemed like a better bet . I failed that first driving testin tunbridge Wells , for being too hesitant . It was 5 years before I drove again , agai I was too hesitant but the next time I wasn 't hesitant enough . Then I took my test again but in Sevenoaks , the day before my test my instructor told us he couldn 't take me for my test , so my dad took me and took my test in his Mitzubishi Lancer estate instead of the Mazda I had been learning in . to this day I still say I passed because the examiner was playing with the electric windows . Isn 't it odd how something that we take for granted these days was such a novelty in those days . Divorced mother of four boys in my mid forties , Cancer survivor , slowly changing my life for the better . this blog will reflect my journey . Love , life , humour , heartache its all a part of me . |
Hey there ! Thanks for dropping by Just Call us " The Hecks " ! Take a look around and grab the RSS feed to stay updated . See you around ! We have some " interesting " neighbors that have moved in that have made us more vigilant when it comes to making sure things are locked up when we leave , etc . I hate feeling like this in my own home . It didn 't used to be like this . Well we are very active in our church and attend meetings every Sunday . When you live in the type of neighborhood I live in , most people know when you are gone on Sundays and at what times and for how long . This is information that you really don 't want people knowing if they want to break into your house . Two weeks ago , we came home from church and I had just come out of the bathroom . I was singing The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald , or at least trying to because I couldn 't past " Chippewa on down " because I couldn 't remember the words . So I was in my own little world trying to figure out what the next words were . I came around the end of my bed and turned to go out the door when something grabbed my ankle from underneath the bed . I really shouldn 't have to explain my reaction . It was like having a near death experience . I screamed for at least 2 minutes before I heard my daughter laughing . She is lucky she started laughing or the adrenaline might have jumped and I might have started kicking her in the face . I seriously had to sit down after this . Have you ever been scared so bad that your heart hurt ? My heart was pounding so hard it hurt . I sat there breathing hard and holding my breath . Like Fred Sanford does when the " Big One " is coming : Our first day we embarked on a river raft trip down the Snake River . I was all stoke for this until we actually got to the river . All of a sudden , I remembered the time I almost drown as a kid and I started getting really nervous . Not to mention that the entire boat contained young girls between the ages of 12 and 18 . Then there were four women and on guide . In my mind I kept thinking , " Shouldn 't we have at least one more guide so if I fall in someone can help me back in , while the other guides the boat ? " No , no more guides just Alex . As we started off down the calmer part of the river , Alex was good as relieving our fears and told us he hadn 't lost anyone yet . This particular sentence wasn 't very comforting because I had a doctor tell me he had never had any problems with a certain surgery and guess what … I was his first problem and nearly died . So I kept thinking to myself , I will be the first of Alex 's " losses " . I came on this trip with three of my children , one daughter and two sons . I knew two of my children were the adventurous type , but my one son really surprised me . You could get a bracelet for jumping into the river at a certain point . He actually jumped into the water . My daughter was the first on our boat , which was not surprising , to jump in and my other son … He had to do it three times . I am not sure I would have been that adventurous at their age . At one point my " safe " son was actually " riding the bull " at the front of the boat through the waves . This really surprised me . After we got on the bus , my younger " crazier " son informed me that he had ridden the bull through the lunch counter . This almost gave me a heart attack . I guess he figured it was better to do it and then ask for permission later . This kid will be the death of me . By the time we ended the trip I was really wanting more river to conquer as was most of the girls . The whole trip was designed to get us out of our comfort zone and try new things . I was definitely out of my comfort zone and would in fact do this again . It was very fun . I am an extremely jumpy and paranoid person . Because of experiences growing up , I am extremely cautious when put in some situations . A couple of weeks before coming on this trip , we had a retired police officer come and speak to the girls about being safe and how to avoid bad situations . It was very informative and added to my paranoid nature . While we were playing night games , I started to get really thirsty . I noticed a building by the football field where we were playing . I decided that I would walk over and see if there was a drinking fountain . Now it was dark and the only light came from a couple of street lights and some flashlights the kids had . When I got to the building and noticed it was restrooms , I decided I was use the facilities while there . As I approached a door to see which bathroom I was at , a voice came out of the dark asking me what we were doing . I nearly died . I couldn 't see anyone and could only tell in what direction the voice was coming from . I knew the voice was not attached to anyone I knew so I was extremely startled . I explained that we were playing capture the flag and the person asked a couple of more questions . At this point I had a few red flags going up in my head . I decided to leave the conversation and continue on to my destination … the lady 's room . When I got to the back side of the building , I started getting more and more nervous . I realized that I had just put myself in an extremely volatile situation . I was behind a building , in the dark and a stranger knew I was there and I was pretty sure that a few or anyone even knew the stranger was there . I decided to go into the bathroom anyway because at this point I really had to go and couldn 't wait . When I entered the bathroom , the light automatically came on , which kind of scared me because I was already on edge . I got in the stall and did my duty and as I was getting ready to go out of the stall , the lights went off . I nearly had a heart attack . I kid you not , I thought I was about to get involved in a smack down and no one would a hear a thing that happened . I stood there with hand on handle listening and waiting to see if I could hear anything . After a couple of minutes had passed , I knew I couldn 't stay in the stall all night and that I had to come out . I slowly opened the door and tried to look in the dark for any movement . Because the stall door next to me was opened , it blocked any dim view I had of the exit . I stood there for what seemed an eternity before I finally shoved the stall door next to me hoping that if someone was on the other side of it , I would knock them out on impact . After the door stopped swinging , I listened for noise and didn 't hear anything , so I decided to head for the exit . I took about four steps when the light came on . I stood there with a deer in the headlight look thinking I was going to see the perp in front of me who had shut off the light , but there was no one . After my heart slowed to 300 bm I realized it was possible that the lights were automatic in some way . This did not remove the fear I was feeling . I stood with hand on the exit door handle for about five minutes trying to figure out what I should do . Do I slowly open the door and look side to side or do I just bust out like the flippin ' john was on fire . I came to the conclusion that if someone was out there , they would be surprised by my bolting out of there and thus giving me an upper hand . I later found out that this guy ending up being obnoxious and thus ending the kids ' night of fun . Which confirmed my suspicions of the guy to begin with . I shook for quite a while afterwards . The next day of our adventures took us to a ropes course at in the middle of nowhere in Idaho . Here we would be facing our fears on a rock wall and zip line . I was really stoked for this and thought it would be fun . When we arrived , I soon noticed how secluded it was and how some of the trails were hard to see . Now we had been seeing bear warning signs along the road , so in the back of my mind there was a small thought of perhaps running into one . As we were walking along this trail to a hidden pavilion , all of a sudden I see a giant brown head . I nearly dropped dead right there until I realized it was a brown lab . I told myself what a stupid idiot I was to get so scared and the chances of seeing a bear would be slim to none . Well that fear was intensified when the advisors of the course told us that a black bear had just come through there earlier that morning . Geez ! Are you kidding me ? Now to add to the anxiety of the zip line , I was freaked out over seeing a bear . My mother 's cousin was mauled by a bear in Alaska and the story was published in a book . I had been reading this book earlier this year and decided that I would never come within 100 yards of an Alder bush . This whole book was about grizzly bears coming out of Alder bushes . When we finally got to the rock wall , I was nervous but I had done a rock wall a couple of times before so it wasn 't too bad . It was when I got to the top and realized that the only way down was the zip line . I don 't know how I had ever talked myself into this , but me and heights have never been bff 's and it wasn 't about to start this day either . I stood there in almost a frozen fear of how high I was and how it was intended for me to get down . I shook as the advisor hooked me up to the zip line , thinking how stupid I was to agree to this . We were at least 30 feet in the air and one had to walk out on this plank that was no wider than 2 feet and perhaps 2 1 / 2 long . It looked like 4 inches square from where I was standing . I climbed out on the plank holding on to the telephone pole behind me like a stinkin ' cat . I stood there with everyone cheering me on and trying to get up the nerve to go . I just could not get myself to jump . I kept telling myself to do it and just get it over with , but I couldn 't . Then I looked below and there stood my two sons , yelling at me " You can do it Mom ! " . I knew at this point , I had to jump . They had to see that their mother was not a wuss . I truly believe I passed out on the jump because it was a blur and then I am pretty sure I woke up the entire community of Driggs from my scream . I screamed , and screamed and screamed . Was it fun ? In a sick sort of way . Would I do it again ? Not entirely sure . As we were leaving the course to go to the cars , it was getting dark and I realized I was on a trail that was surrounded by what looked like Alder bushes . I nearly plowed over those in front of me trying to get to the cars . If there was anything that scared me more than that dang zip line , it would be something coming out of those bushes and getting me . So did I face my fears ? I felt like I was the entire trip . Do I think I handled them well ? Perhaps some of them , others not so much so . So my first two children were girls . Girls were so much fun . I could dress them up and they got along most of the time . Rarely did I have a smack down between the two of them . My next two children were boys . Boys are an entirely different species all together . When my boys were younger , they got along great together . Better than the girls . As they grew into teens , I started noticing BIG differences in their behavior . I am not sure where in the genetic code of humans that the burping and farting in public gene mutated in males . This is hard to understand as a female and one that I will never understand . For some reason the teenage … and I might add , older aged male , seem to think this is the best way for impressing the babes . Let me put that myth to rest right now . That would be no . When my youngest son turned 13 something changed . Not only did he change , but he passed whatever he had on to my son that was 15 . My polite 15 - year - old son suddenly started farting wars with the 13 - year - old . Two years later despite my constant nagging things have not changed . This is not the only problem with teenage boys . The burping and farting they are constantly doing seems to drown out common sense or deadened it . I am still not sure which . I truly believe they will do anything to embarrass me even if it isn 't on purpose . Don 't get me wrong . I love my boys and they make me laugh everyday . They are hilarious , but they come with horrible side effects sometimes . Take my trip to town a couple of days ago . We came to a store where they were selling newspapers outside of the door . I am sorry , but I hate this . I hate being jumped at a store door without an exit route . I have told these guys over and over that I do not want a newspaper . As I sat in the car looking at the front door and trying to figure out how to get into the store without getting a sales pitch , my son says this " I got an idea , I will just go up and " pants " him and then when he is distracted you can go into the store . I bet he will never want to sell anything to you after that " . After I recovered from envisioning this scene , we opted to go through the garden area and avoid him altogether . I wasn 't sure my son wouldn 't try something . Amongst my purchases at this store was a toilet plunger . As I am getting into the car , I find that my car has a new hood ornament which took some doing for him to get it off after he put it there . I seriously counted my blessings that I saw that before I got going down the road . Once we get going down the highway he then proceeds to stick the plunger on the roof of the car to pretend it is a police siren , you know like in the movies . I had to put up with this for 7 miles . With my neighbor driving right behind me the whole 7 miles . Then he has the nerve to tell me that he wants to make a bow that will shoot one . Guaranteed , I will be the first to get it in the face . Then the other day we went into a store . I was stuck there with him again despite the many times I have told him he is not coming with me ever again . We came out of the gardening area and started down an aisle where we both saw this really cool green glass looking ball . We both reached for it at the same time to feel it . After touching it we realized it was plastic and that is was a toy ball . My son quickly grabbed it and started reading the label . " Hey " , he says " this says this ball can bounce 150 feet in the air , I don 't believe it " . As soon as the , " I don 't believe it " came out I knew he was going to see if the claim was true . The first words out of my mouth was , " Don 't do it " . He must have turned off his " hearing aids " and decided that not only was he going to bounce it on the floor , but he better make sure he gives it enough power that it will do what it claims . He was standing at the top of one aisle and I started down another aisle just as he bounced it . I looked up to see the ball go through the ceiling tiles . This was a good 30 feet up . The ball hit those tiles just right that it lifted them up and turned them enough that they fell out of the rim they were sitting in and came down on his head . I personally did not stick around for the whole thing to play out . When I saw the sky falling , I wasted no time in disappearing . When my son finally caught up to me , he begins to complain about the paper cut that one of them gave him on his face . No , " sorry mom , I should have listened to you " . No , nothing . It has been 3 days and still no apology . Perhaps someday when he has a son I will get an apology . Because despite my hopes for change , I think the gene will mutate in his future sons also . To understand how funny I find my husband , I have never seen anyone as tenacious as he once he starts mowing . We live on a five acre piece of land which gets covered with field grass . One day he was out mowing our regular lawn and he disappeared . I found him clear out in the field mowing . He is the kind of guy that once he starts going , he will find anything that needs mowing down and go at it . A couple of years after we were married he was out mowing with the riding lawn mower and I looked out to see nothing but a giant ball of dust . All of a sudden I see him running toward it and in the middle of this dust ball was the riding mower climbing a fence post . I stood there with mouth open trying to figure out how the mower got up the fence post without my husband on it . I still to this day don 't know and neither does he . He is as tenacious with the weed whacker as he is the mower . Many times I have seen him in the field chopping away at anything that looks like a weed . I have lost many of flowers and plants to that thing . May they rest in peace . So a couple of days ago he was mowing the lawn . I went to the kitchen sink to get a drink . I looked out the window and saw him mowing the lawn in shorts and snowboots . Earlier that day we had been hauling stuff to a recycling place and he had stepped in a horse size pile of dog poop . We don 't have dogs that size , nor do our dogs ever go in the front yard . So stepping in it was an unpleasant surprise . So he put them on to mow the lawn to keep from getting dog poop on his good shoes . It was nearly 80 degrees outside , I don 't know how he could stand it . I was on the phone to my sister and told her that she needed to see what he was wearing . She wanted me to upload the picture to my facebook page for her to see . Well I decided that that was too boring so I was going to have some fun and I Photoshopped him into mowing The White House lawn . So with yesterday being the last day before everyone went back to school , we wracked our brains trying to find something to do as our last " hurrah " . After a lot of thoughtful contemplation we decided to have a Nerf gun war . Feeling like I do today , I wish I wouldn 't have suggested it . We got all of the guns and ammo together and found a place for the war . We sat up the bunkers and made up teams . After the first round we decided that the teams weren 't working for us so it suddenly became a " free - for - all " . I realized after about 45 minutes why they suggest you wear protective eyewear . I was hit in the face 4 times . I nailed my son right between the eyes once and just as he turned around his sister shot him in the forehead . Ears were impaled , and heads were shot . Nothing was sacred people , nothing . One thing that has been a problem with me for years is that if I get laughing , I quickly become immobilized . I lose all strength in the body and can do nothing to protect myself . This is a huge weakness of mine and it has been used against me many times . Yesterday was no exception . Some of the Nerf ammo has velcro on one end . I shot my daughter in the butt and the ammo was just hanging there . She could not deny I hit her , the proof was there waving to the world . I started laughing so hard that I couldn 't pull it together . In my moment of weakness , my son shot and hit me in the tooth . That was it . I fell to the ground unable to move because I was laughing so hard , tears flowing . It took me a good 10 minutes to get myself back in the game . Not once was I able to be " King of the Ring " . I never could get everyone out so that I was the last person standing . I seriously need to brush up on my skills . I have to admit I pwned on loading . I could load and shoot faster than you can say " Bob 's Yer Uncle " . I had to , I was an easy target for everyone , which pretty much sucked . It has been decided that the war must have a second , third and fourth round at least . I have to admit , despite the pain … it was pretty Tags : Children , crazy , Family , Fun , happiness , Humor , Kids , laugh , laughing , Life , Love , mormon , Motherhood , revenge , stupidity , Teenagers , Teens , The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter - Day Saints My Mother , may she rest in peace , had an immaculate home . Nothing ever out of place . It was not always like that . There were seven kids and she had her moments . I remember a story she told of getting a call that someone was coming over and the house was a mess . She had to " cram for the examine " so to speak before the company arrived . She found the closest room to get rid of things and stuffed everything inside . I guess that the company complimented her on how well she kept the house up with so many little kids . This particlular incident made my mother into the " Clean House Nazi " . She taught us kids to be clean , neat and organized . I used to be , until I had children . I do know that over the years of having kids , I have gained a lot of patience and I tolerate more than perhaps what I should . Case in point : A couple of months ago , we bought an electric scooter from a thrift store to help save gas . It is mostly for the kids to get to their friends house , etc . My son came flying through my kitchen on it the other day , almost running me over . I just looked at him with that look that says , " Really ? " . He informs me that there aren 't many mother 's who allow their children to drive the scooter through the house . What I didn 't tell him is that He has taught me more patience than my other children . Well , this lead to a choice that I made that should have put me in the child category instead of parent category . I walked through my house and saw the scooter plugged in . I decided to climb aboard and just sit on it . Then the thought occured to me that perhaps one of my dogs would love a ride on this thing . I called one of them and stuck it on the foot rest and gassed it . I didn 't want her jumping off while I was going . Well … . that was a stupid thought , because she did jump off . Out of fear of smashing her flat , I swerved and lost control of the scooter , flew down the hall and into my daughter 's bedroom hitting her keyboard and almost knocking it onto the floor . In the panic of everything , I forgot it had brakes . I wish I would have been alone when this happened , but my 19 year old daughter was in her room next to the room I went plowing through . According to her … " All I saw was legs flailing and heard screaming " . Dang it . I didn 't want an eyewitness to this at all . Not even sure what possessed me to try it to begin with . It goes about 15 mph . I probably topped off at 17 through the hall judging by how long it took me to stop and how much damage I did . Yesterday I was asked to say the opening prayer in church . So I decided to sit on the stand before church started so that I wouldn 't have to walk up during the opening song and draw extra attention to myself . Well … . despite my best efforts to not draw that extra attention to myself , I went to sit down on the folding seat right when it folded back up . I fell to the floor grabbing the chair in front of me which startled the young man who occupied it . I then had to apologize for my complete and utter stupidity . This ranks in the top 10 worst things that can happen to you while wearing a dress . To add to my frustration , I was so excited to win a pair of snowboard pants for my son on eBay . They were Italian made and I got them for $ 11 . Whoohoo ! I had contacted the seller to see what the inseam length was . I opened my email this morning only to find out that I had purchased my son a pair of Lederhosen snowpants . He is 6 ′ 1 ″ and the inseam was 24 inches . Not going to happen . No amount of stretching will get that kid into those pants . I then discovered this morning a new use for hair wax . To give your armpit hairs that piecey , modern look that is the rage all these days , apply hair wax instead of deodorant . Of course this won 't work if you shave your armpits … ( which I do ) . So in that case , it turns out to be only a case of mistaken identity that should never be used . It only glues your armpit to itself . Leaving you to wonder …… " What the carp did I just do to myself ? " Many things combine to make me start feeling this way . First of all it turns off cold . I hate the cold . It is pretty sad when the only things you want for Christmas are things that will keep you warm like warm slippers , onsie PJ 's and an electric blanket . I can 't use these things any other time of the year but winter . It sucks ! A guy came into school a couple of days ago needing a website made . There are three of us that will be working on it . Two of us were at school yesterday and the proposal had to be put together . I was the guinea pig because I was the only one that new Excel . This was the first big thing I have had to do since being in school . I was stress out because it had to be done yesterday . After about 2 hours of putting it together , when I finally finished I realized that I had to go to the bathroom like yesterday . I don 't know if I am the only one like that or other people are , but when I am so into something I forget what is going on around me . I decided I should run up the hall and " relieve my waters " before getting on with some of my other work . Because I had been so stressed out , I wasn 't thinking clearly and before you know it I found myself standing in the men 's bathroom . I hadn 't even noticed the different colored floor until it was too late . I can only imagine the look of horror on my face when I realized what I had done . I turned and hauled my butt out of there faster than you can say , " Bob 's your uncle " . I didn 't look behind me to see if I had been seen coming out of there like there was a fire . I told myself … . . " It 's starting " I won 't be myself again until January . I know a lot of people have seen the website " The People of Wal - Mart " . I have lived " The People of Wal - Mart " . The things I have seen in this store …… My children make me laugh all the time . Somethings I probably shouldn 't laugh at . I try hard not to , but sometimes the things they say just come from out of nowhere without any type of warning they are coming . Take for instance one day we were at our local Wal - Mart and there was gal wearing a pair of sweats with " PINK " stamped across the butt . All of a sudden my kids were laughing extremely loud and uncontrollably . To this day no one will admit who it was that noticed this first , but this girl had a serious wedgy . Unfortunately for her , the " N " in the word " PINK " was stuck in the wedgy thus creating the new word " PIK " . At this point we had to quickly move to another area of the store before dying of laughter in front of the poor girl . I wanted to help , but it was complicated . Then there was the day that we were in the food department and some people were there with their dog . If this dog was a " service " dog , it was not marked in any way . It was a Labrador . I happened to look out of the corner of my eye and noticed that the couple had stopped and the lady was walking back down to where they had previously been . I know this because as in the story of Hansel and Gretel … their dog had left a trail of dog poop to find its way back to the meat department . This was messed up on many levels and in fact , I could not make myself buy any food . I had to leave . Just wrong … just wrong . Another Wal - Mart moment was walking past the checkout and my son starts laughing . I couldn 't hear him , but I could feel him bumping up against me . I turned to see what the heck was going on and he pointed in the other direction … . If there was a plumber 's crack olympics … . hands down this guy would have taken the gold . I ask myself … " Can they not feel the draft ? " I remember seeing a woman one day that baffles me still to this day . I cannot for the life of me figure out how this woman got her hair to do what it was doing . It was standing up straight like a buzz cut only the hair was longer than what a buzz would have been and the ends were grouped in small bunches and had a small curl on top . It was the weirdest hair do I have ever seen . One of the most disturbing things I have ever seen , that may have actually warranted a call to the " Perv " cops . My son and I were shopping for some socks in the men 's department . We happened over toward an area where there were belts , etc . and there stood this guy wearing a pair of shorts , he had removed his shirt and was looking around suspiciously . He actually looked like he had started removing his shorts . I thought for sure that my son and I were going to get exposed to something that we didn 't want to see , so I turned grabbing my kid and headed the opposite direction as fast as I could . This one still disturbs me to this day . Then one day , I got run over by a lady who was driving one of those motorized carts . It wouldn 't have been so bad except that she didn 't say sorry or anything . She was not looking at all where she was going . Glad I didn 't go all the way down to the ground . That would have been awkward . Some people should have to take a course before getting into one of these . Then there was the day that a kid perhaps 9 years old came ripping through the ladies department on one of those carts going as fast as he could while laughing and looking behind him . Soon his sister appeared yelling at him that " Mom was going to kill him if he didn 't stop and return the cart . That was a moment that I thought , " I am so glad that is not my son " . All I can learn from all of these experiences is that I have spent waaayyy too much time at Wal - Mart . I am near having to pay my children to go to that store with me . They all hate it . If you think that you are weird in any way , go to Wal - Mart you will soon find that you are not as weird as you might think or perhaps you are not alone in this vast world of odd ducks . I would like for you to meet Georgia and Lola . At first glance , these two innocent looking dogs might make you go , " awwww " . Please resist the temptation . Anyone familiar with pugs know that as cute as they are , these dogs can get under your skin like a bad fungus that won 't go away . Georgia , aka " Satan 's Spawn " ( the black one ) is a nighttime speed bump . You can 't see her if you get up for some reason and will she stay in place ? Heck no . If you get up in the night to go to the bathroom , let me clarify … if I get up in the night to go to the bathroom she is lurking in the dark waiting for this unsuspecting fool to trip over her and fall to my death . This I know , I have died a few times . It is as if she thinks perhaps a refrigerator has magically appeared in the bathroom overnight and I cannot possibly wait until morning because I am so excited to go in there and get her a snack . She refuses to sleep with anyone in the house but me . If she doesn 't get her way , she whines … and whines … . . and whines . I have a straight jacket by my bed for such occasions . I am afraid I might hurt someone . Lola ( the tan one ) waits until no one is watching and then gets on the kitchen table hoping to find leftover scraps we won 't give her . I had to force her to sleep with my son because she too , thinks she has to sleep with … you guessed it ME ! She was doing fine until we moved one son out of the room to his own room . I guess Lola can 't stand the room without the stench of Ridge lurking in there , because now … . she won 't sleep with my son that she has been sleeping with forever . We put her in bed at night and she scratches at the door , over and over and over again . Pretty soon , she will have scratched a doggy door in every door in the house . Because of these two dog 's growing attachment to me , I have become somewhat of a sleep - deprived human homing device . Let me explain . My children no longer need to call me to find me . I have no hiding places left in the house . I lay down on the couch and these two dogs lay on me . I go to the bathroom and these two dogs lay outside of the door and wait for me . They actually do try to come in if the door isn 't shut all the way . I will see their paws under the door like they seriously think they can reach up and pick the lock . I go out to the laundry room and " POOF " ! they are there at my feet . Causing me to trip over them because I can 't see them with the pile of laundry I have stacked to the sky . I took a trip to the south pole and guess who was waiting for me at the airport … . no , just kidding that didn 't really happen , but I am sure it would if I did take a trip like that . I tell the kids , look for the dogs and you have found me . I actually think that Georgia is wanted somewhere for a crime . The ways she stares at you in the dark … . makes the hair stand up on yer neck . Lola has the " Have pity on me , I never get food " look mastered . This is why pugs have weight issues . They look at you like they have no friend in the whole world and that you will make their day if you but give them one small morsel to keep them from starving one more day . It is messed up I tell you . Pavlov has nothing on me . If these two dogs are outside and they hear the ding on the microwave go off , they are trying to get into the door in less than five seconds . If I climb into bed , I can be alone until I turn off the light . The minute I turn off the light , those dogs are there waiting to be air lifted to the mattress . That is because both of them are too fat to get up on their own . When someone comes home , we have trained these dogs to bring the dirtiest sock they can find in the house to us . Thus giving off a subtle hint of my failure to be master over the wash . They have the knack of reminding you to put your shoes on the minute you step on one of their chewed up pieces of a soda lid . I even found Lola up on top of my piano one day playing me a beautiful rendition of Rachmaninov 's piano concerto # 2 without ever having one lesson . It is amazing . These two dogs also know that when we kneel down as a family to pray , it is time for them to get in the middle of us all and start tearing each other 's limbs off . I don 't know how we have done it , but we are geniuses . Pavlov , I hate to break it to you buddy , but you will have to go a long way to beat the likes of us . |
The following is an extension of my post from October 3 , 2016 . At this moment , I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that the God of the universe , He Whom " the heaven of heavens cannot contain " knows me . When Solomon dedicated the temple , he too seemed overwhelmed : " But will God in very deed dwell with men on the earth ? Behold , heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot contain thee ; how much less this house which I have built ! " ( II Chronicles 6 : 18 ) . I couldn 't possibly record everything God has done for me . Plus , some of the most precious things are too personal to post publicly . Still , I want the world to know that God is real . We can trust Him . I grew up believing in God . I cannot remember a time that I didn 't believe . In fact , I vividly remember the first time someone told me he didn 't believe in God . I was shocked . How could anyone live in such a complex , beautiful and orderly world and think that it was all , in fact , random ? How could order result from randomness ? I also grew up believing in Jesus , mainly because that is what I was taught . When we moved to Italy in 1972 and had no church to attend , I actually held services myself for my own family . Still , when we moved back to the States , I realized that what I had was a " head knowledge " of Christ and not a " heart knowledge , " as my Sunday school explained . So in the fall of 1974 , at the age of twelve , I received Christ as my personal Savior . Immediately upon salvation , I became burdened for my brother . My mother had signed up my sisters and me to ride a bus to church when a lady from that church visited us and offered to pick us up . Anyway , Mom had asked Jeff if he wanted to go . He didn 't . ( I guess she felt that he could make up his own mind since he was fifteen . ) Once I was saved , I desperately wanted my brother to get saved . I prayed about that all the time . We moved to Andrews AFB , Maryland , when base housing became available a few months after I was saved . I was still praying for Jeff . It wasn 't long before some teenage girls from a church in District Heights visited and invited us to church . Jeff decided he wanted to go this time - pretty girls ! Of course , I didn 't care what his motivation was since he was finally going to church . Not long afterwards , he got saved . He was the first person I had prayed for to make a profession of faith . It wasn 't long before he and I were both heavily involved in the ministry of that church . We joined the youth choir ( which practiced and sang every Sunday night ) and got involved in the bus ministry . In the summer of 1975 , when I was thirteen , I attended camp for the first time . Something happened during one of the evening services that made a big impact on my life . Prior to camp , I had a strong sense of Christ 's presence in my life , but I had never seen any obvious demonstration of His power . That all changed at camp . Throughout the week , we had services in the mornings and evenings , with recreational time in the afternoons . I loved getting ice cream at the canteen and boating on Chesapeake Bay , but mostly , I loved singing around the campfire after the evening services . The Spirit of the Lord was in that place . The final evening service was incredible . I can 't remember the subject of the message , but I remember vividly the impact it was having on the teenagers . Everyone was hanging onto every word the preacher was saying . We really sensed the presence of the Lord . Then , without warning , the wind started howling . It blew open the windows near the speaker and knocked over the flags that were standing on the platform . Suddenly , all was chaos . Kids started crying . We didn 't know what was happening , but we were scared . The preacher pounded his fist on the podium and called for calm . He told us to focus on the message and not let Satan have the victory . So we did . Everyone settled down and focused on the speaker . Then , as suddenly as it began , the wind stopped . There is no way I can properly communicate the power of that moment . I witnessed it , along with nearly two hundred other teenagers . Several were saved that night . The moment the invitation began , the pews were emptied . God is not dead . I was in an automobile accident on October 3 , 1977 , and was out of school until the middle of January . When I was finally able to return , I was still on crutches , so I rode the van for handicapped students . That 's when I met Willy , a crippled boy who used a walker . I had seen him many times but had never actually met him . I got to know him pretty well during the weeks that I rode the van . Most students were not allowed to go upstairs until the bell rang five minutes before the start of school . Handicapped students , however , got to go up early , so Willy and I got to talk about fifteen minutes each morning before the other students came upstairs . I witnessed to Willy a lot during those weeks , but he never trusted Christ . Once I stopped riding the van and lost the " privilege " of going upstairs early , I pretty much stopped talking to Willy , except to say hello in the hallway between classes . Still , I kept praying for him . A couple months later , a friend at school died suddenly . It was devastating , partly because she was my friend and partly because I had never witnessed to her and didn 't know if she knew the Lord . ( I found out later that she was a Christian . ) I remember my first day back at school after Lynette 's death . For some reason , Willy had not gone upstairs early . He was just standing in the hallway by himself when I got to school . I went right to him and told him about Lynette . Within minutes , he was bowing his head and praying right in the middle of the hallway , trusting Christ as his Savior . Afterwards , he told me that he had been wondering what was keeping him from going upstairs that morning . He smiled and said , " Now I know ! " When it came time to decide on a college , I assumed that I would be going to Hyles - Anderson in Hammond , Indiana . The application for Hyles included some questions , including whether or not I had sought counsel from my pastor regarding my college choice . I called Bro . Pittman at Salem , fully expecting him to support my decision . To my surprise , he asked if I had prayed about going to Tennessee Temple . That night , I did pray about it . I asked the Lord to make it clear where He wanted me to go . The next day , I got a call from the head of the speech department at Tennessee Temple University . He had been looking at the questionnaire portion of my ACT and noticed that I had shown an interest in debate . He happened to be in charge of the debate team . We talked for nearly half an hour . I didn 't take it as total confirmation , but as I asked the Lord to make it clear , He really did ! Being one of five children , I couldn 't expect my parents to pay for my college education . Plus , they simply didn 't have the money . I was convinced , however , that God could make a way for me to go to a Christian college if it was His will , so I began praying that He would provide the money to pay my way . ( I didn 't know any rich people other than God . ) Just before graduating from high school , I got word from Tennessee Temple that I had been accepted for work scholarship . Just after I graduated , I received a scholarship for graduating in the top of my class . That paid for my tuition my first year . Work scholarship paid for room and board . After my first year , my work scholarship was increased to pay my entire bill . Within four years , I had my BA and my MA and was debt free . God made a way ! Throughout my years in college , I was confident that I would get a teaching position as soon as I graduated . Even when complications arose ( such as the need to be in Chattanooga during the month of September for my graduate recital ) I was confident that the Lord would work it out . ( I assumed that I would get a job in a school in Chattanooga . ) As graduation drew near , however , and people expressed surprise that I wasn 't concerned about getting a position , it hit me that I was assuming God would open doors and supply the need . The thought struck me : what if He wasn 't hearing me ? I thought of the verse , " If I regard iniquity in my heart , the Lord will not hear me . " I remember sitting in a Wednesday night church service when that thought hit me . Suddenly , I was terrified . What if there was something in my life that was keeping the Lord from answering my prayers ? I thought about the many people I had led to the Lord as a teenager . In college , I had seen few saved - none in the past year . Sitting in that pew , I could hardly wait for the invitation . All I wanted was to get to the altar . When I finally did , I poured my heart out to the Lord and asked for confirmation that He was indeed listening . I reminded Him of the " dry spell " I was experiencing and asked Him to lead me the next day to someone who was ready to be saved , to let me lead someone to Him . The next night was Student Body Visitation . I was a nervous wreck during the entire bus ride out to the neighborhood where we were going to visit . I prayed the whole time ( and cried a little , too , I think ! ) begging God to let me see someone saved that night . I knew that it was considered unwise to " put out the fleece " like that , but I was so distressed , I felt I had no choice . Part of me wished I hadn 't prayed that way . What if no one gets saved ? Would that mean God isn 't listening to me ? Or would it simply mean that I shouldn 't test God that way ? I was a mess ! When the bus finally dropped us off , I calmed down and joined the guy and the other girl in my group . The " plan " was for the guy to talk if a man answered and for the two girls to take turns talking when a woman answered . At our fifth house , a distraught woman came to the door . She had obviously been crying . It was my turn to talk . I can 't remember the specific circumstances , but I do remember that she had been thinking about death and was terrified . She didn 't need any persuading , she just needed some guidance . She was ready to be saved . I had a double blessing that night . I had the privilege of leading a woman to Christ and seeing her transform before my eyes . ( Her tears truly did become tears of joy . ) I also felt God wrap His arms of reassurance around me in a way I had never before experienced . It was amazing . I still didn 't know what He had for me after graduation , but I wasn 't worried . I KNEW He had a plan , and I knew it would be good ! Of course , that whole experience didn 't tell me where I would be going after college . It just reassured me that I didn 't have to worry about it . At that point I was determined to get a position locally ( because of my recital ) . When word got to me of an opening at a particular Christian school in Chattanooga , I assumed that was where I was meant to be ! I met with the pastor and principal , who indicated that the job was mine if I wanted it . We all agreed to give it a week to pray about it . Part of me wanted to say , " I don 't need to pray about it . I know this is an answer to prayer ! " Still , something told me to wait . The next day , I mentioned the situation to a class I was teaching for Dr . Ittermann , ( the head of the education department , who was out of town - I was a graduate assistant ) . Two students approached me after class to let me know they were very familiar with that school and felt they needed to caution me about it . Their concerns seemed legitimate , so I thanked them for warning me . Still , I really didn 't want to turn down the position because it seemed highly unlikely that I would get a position somewhere else that would allow me to miss three weeks in September . Plus , it was nearly August ! Still … I couldn 't help but wonder if the Lord put me in the path of those other graduate students for a reason . ( I didn 't really know them . I just " happened " to be covering their class that day , and they just " happened " to know all about that school . ) Finally - reluctantly - I asked the Lord to open other doors before I had to shut that one if He wanted me elsewhere . Sure enough , I received two offers that very day . I rejected them because it didn 't look like I would be able to teach at either place and get time off for my recital in September . Then , Tuesday morning , the very day I was supposed to sign the contract at the school in Chattanooga , I got a call from Tri - City needing a speech and drama teacher . Nothing was determined - there was still the problem of my recital in September - but One week later , I was on a flight to Tri - City in Kansas City , Missouri . I remember feeling nervous when I first got on the plane . Then I saw Dr . Lee Roberson , the chancellor of Tennessee Temple University , get on the plane . I found myself instantly relaxing . I was confident that the Lord wouldn 't let him crash ! I prayed for a chance to talk to him and pray with him , but since he was in business class , he got off the plane in Atlanta before I did and was out of sight by the time I got off the plane . I was disappointed , but I assumed the Lord had a good reason for denying my request , and I headed to my connecting flight , which was on the other side of the airport . Minutes after sitting down , I looked up to see Dr . Roberson take the seat facing me ! It was so cool ! I popped over to him and had one of the neatest conversations of my life . He was the pastor of the largest church in Tennessee , the chancellor of the university , and he was talking to me ! He knew all about the school in Kansas City where I was going . He let me know that the church there was currently without a pastor . He gave me some advice and prayed with me . It was such a blessing , partly because it was an answer delayed . If I had been able to catch him when the plane first landed in Atlanta , it wouldn 't have been a big deal . There was something about thinking that the answer was denied and then seeing him sit down four feet away from me in one of the largest airports in the world that made me feel God Himself smiling down on me . He is not dead . I did end up going to Tri - City . It turned out that they had another speech teacher who was able to fill in for me during the weeks in September that I had to be in Chattanooga . ( She had quit teaching when she started having children , but her kids were all at least in pre - school by that year . ) I could see why Gina was so upset . She had just received the necklace on Christmas Eve , and Dad had already warned her about losing it . Besides , the zirconium was tiny . It could have landed anywhere in that cluttered room , and just blend in with the dust . " Don 't cry , Gina , " I insisted . " You know what we need to do . " She knew . The three of us stood there and prayed . Two minutes later , her zirconium was in my hand . Gina hugged me , and we thanked the Lord together . An hour later I walked into my parents ' bedroom to discover Gina curled up on the bed , reading her Bible . She just smiled . I love to see God answer prayer . It does wonders for our faith . One summer , a few years later , I brought Gina to Kansas City to spend some time with me . We had a great time together . One night , however , after Gina had gone to bed , I was in the bathroom getting ready myself when I suddenly felt the need to talk to Gina . I felt the Lord was leading me , but I didn 't know why . Finally , not knowing what I was going to say , I determined to strike up a conversation . When I entered my bedroom , however , I found to my surprise ( and relief ) that Gina was already in bed and , apparently , asleep . I crawled in beside her . Are you kidding ? She 's asleep , and I don 't have anything to say ! I was getting frustrated . Still , I couldn 't rest . Finally , I whispered , " Gina ? " " I don 't know ! " I blurted out . " I feel like the Lord 's been saying , ' Talk to her ! Talk to her ! ' but I have no idea what to say . I don 't know why I can 't get this off my mind , but I can 't ! " Gina threw her arms around me and burst out crying . " For the past two hours , " she sobbed , " I 've been begging God to make you talk to me . I don 't know why I couldn 't just come to you . I 've always been able to before , but for some reason , I couldn 't ! " Blessings at Tri - City The Lord was very precious to me during my single years teaching at Tri - City . He answered many prayers , some of which are too personal to " display " for anyone to see . Here are a few I can share : Keys - One day I lost my keys . I didn 't have to replace them immediately because I had spare car keys and a roommate who could let me into the house . Still , there were lots of keys on the key ring , so I really needed to find it . The singles had an afterglow at my house after church one night , and they prayed as a group that the Lord would lead me to my keys . The next day after school , when I still hadn 't found them , I started to make a list of keys that needed to be replaced . Somehow , though , I didn 't feel right about it . I felt like I was throwing in the towel when God wanted to do something special . The feeling was so strong , I finally talked to the Lord about it . I can remember my prayer almost word for word : " Lord , so many people have prayed that I would find my keys , I really believe that You would be glorified more by my finding them than by my replacing them … but I need my keys . If You don 't want me getting replacements , please lead me to my keys RIGHT NOW ! " INSTANTLY , I found myself standing up and walking out the door , down the walkway , and around the yard to the car . I had taken that walk many times since the keys disappeared , to no avail ; but , somehow , I knew I was about to find my keys . It was like someone else was moving me ; I was just going along for the ride . I came to a stop on the passenger side of the car and looked down . There , under about five inches of snow , I got a glimpse of something red . Right away I knew what it was - the plastic cover on one of my keys . I reach down into the snow and pulled out my keys . Again , I was reminded that answers delayed are sometimes better than immediate answers . Math papers - One day I lost the teacher 's edition of some math papers . I hated to admit that I had lost them , but I really needed to find them ! During the faculty prayer meeting one morning I requested prayer that I find the papers before my class . After a brief meeting and a few announcements , we broke up into small groups to pray . I was praying with some women , but I overheard one of the men pray specifically for me , that the Lord would put on my mind where the papers were . INSTANTLY , I got a picture in my mind of a spot in the yearbook room . As soon as my group finished praying , I raced up the stairs to the yearbook room to check that spot . Sure enough , there , underneath a yearbook layout , were my papers . It was so cool . Student late for dinner theatre - One day , the singles ' director asked if I could put on a performance with some students for a dinner theatre . I had a drama class at the time , so it was no big deal to honor his request . The night of the show , however , my students approached me in a panic because one of the performers was missing , and it was nearly time for the show to begin . I went to the phone with several anxious students . We called everyone we could think of . No luck . Finally , it hit me . I turned to the kids : " You know what we need to do . " They knew . We held hands and prayed . " Lord , we know it 's wrong to panic , but the play is supposed to start in five minutes , and Phil isn 't here ! Please help us to trust You to get him here right now . " As soon as we opened our eyes , we saw through the glass door a set of headlights . " Thanks , Lord ! " I yelled as we all ran out to meet the car . For two days , the kids talked about that timely answer to prayer . Rachelle 's Coat - One morning one of my students walked into class in a panic . She couldn 't find her coat ( which was new and expensive ) . " I 've looked everywhere , " she said , " and it 's NOWHERE ! " I smiled . " Rest assured , Rachelle , " I said , " it 's somewhere ! " During prayer that morning , I told the Lord that Rachelle needed her coat and asked Him to lead her to it . When the period ended , I went to my second hour class . Just before it began , Rachelle appeared at the door , triumphantly holding up her coat . I smiled . " It 's neat , isn 't it ? " The Fly - One night , as I was trying to prepare dinner , I found myself getting really irritated with a fly that wouldn 't get away from my face . It was driving me crazy ! Finally , I cried out , " Lord , make that fly stop bugging me ! " INSTANTLY , it dropped dead . I smiled and thanked the Lord while brushing it off the counter into the garbage ! God - powered Automobile - When I was single , I hated getting gas for my car , so I had a tendency to let the tank get very low before getting a refill . One evening , against my better judgment , I passed a gas station even though I knew I was about out of gas . Sure enough , less than half a mile past the gas station , I ran out of gas . I knew it was my own fault , but I begged the Lord for mercy ! I told Him that if He would " power " my car and get it back to the gas station , I would never be so foolish again ! ( At least , I would try not to ! ) Mercifully , He answered my prayer , powering my car and getting me to the gas station where I was able to buy some gas ! One night , while low on gas , I was trying to get home since I didn 't have any money with me to buy gas . My plan was to go straight home then go out first thing in the morning ( when I had money ) to get gas before church . Unfortunately , a truck full of guys decided to harass me , causing me to miss my turn . Before I knew it , I was on a dark , one - way highway with no good place to turn around . I pulled into a gas station where I sat in my car , trembling for several minutes before finally praying for help . I opened my wallet to look for a phone number , my intention being to call someone from the gas station . Instead , I discovered a $ 20 bill . I have NO IDEA how it got there , but I was very grateful ! One time , as I was driving to UMKC for an evening class , I became aware of a serious problem with my car as I heard a constant banging sound , apparently coming from under the hood . I had no idea what it was , but I knew I had to get off the highway . I got off at the next exit and pulled into the nearest parking lot , which happened to belong to a fast food restaurant . I got out of my car and looked down to discover that the front tire on the driver 's side ( a steel - belted radial ) had blown . While amazed and thankful that it did not cause me to crash , I still needed to replace it , and I had never changed a tire in my life , so I prayed . Within SECONDS , a car pulled up next to me . When the driver got out , he said , " Miss Welch ! " It was one of my students ! Within minutes , he had replaced my blown tire with the spare . There were MANY times that God protected me in car - related situations . For example , my car was old and broke down on occasion , but always in very convenient places , like our church parking lot , where willing help was always available . One time I was in a bind because my car was giving me fits and I was supposed to leave the next day to go to Decatur . I called Mr . Yetter , the " car expert " in my church , who said he would come over after dinner . ( He was about to go out to eat with his family . ) I went to Western Auto to buy something Mr . Yetter needed to install in my car . The problem was , when I got back out to the parking lot , my car wouldn 't start ! A salesman looked at the car and said it would be hours before they could get to it . Since that was before the days of cell phones , I had no way of calling Mr . Yetter to let him know why I wouldn 't be at home . Resting my head on the steering wheel of my car , I prayed for help . When I lifted my head , I noticed a Denny 's sign a few blocks away . Suddenly , I remembered Mr . Yetter saying that they were going to eat at Denny 's . ( At least , I thought I remembered him saying that ! ) I jumped out of my car and ran down the street , praying all the while , " Lord , please let that be the right restaurant , and please let them still be there ! " Sure enough , I entered the restaurant just as the family was ordering dessert ! They invited me to join them . Then all of us headed over to the parking lot of Western Auto where Mr . Yetter fixed my car . ( I realize that it could have been pure coincidence that of the hundreds of restaurants in the Kansas City area , the Yetters decided to eat at one within eyesight of the spot where I was stranded . Somehow , though , I don 't think it was a coincidence , especially considering all the other factors that would also have to be coincidences . ) One time , while driving home to Independence , Missouri , after Christmas vacation in Decatur , Illinois , I was followed from the Noland Road exit off I - 70 all the way to my house ( several miles , including many turns ) . When I stopped , the guy pulled up right next to me and just stared at me through the window . I was terrified . When it became apparent to him that I wasn 't going to get out of my car , he positioned his car in front of me to block my exit . At that moment , I did something I had never tried before : I drove fast , in reverse ! I made it to a gas station where the attendant called the police . A police officer came and escorted me home . He even walked up to the door with me , only to discover that Patty , the girl I shared the house with , had locked the screen door . He asked which room was hers . When I told him , he flashed his light into her bedroom window to wake her up . It worked . Pretty soon she was at the door , apologizing profusely for locking me out . The officer told me it was good that I didn 't try to " make a run for it " and try to get into the house when that guy was around . NOTE : I debated whether or not to include this incident since it didn 't include any obvious supernatural assistance . Still , I feel it would be wrong to not include it because I really felt God 's protection that night as I was in constant prayer during the whole ordeal . It could have ended very differently . Knowing When to Say Good - bye ( to my car ) - I still had about $ 700 left in my savings account when I graduated from TTU with my master 's degree in August of 1983 . ( I think it was actually in my parents ' account , but it was my money . ) My dad offered me a choice : take the $ 700 or the car . The car was a 1977 red Chevy Impala , old but reliable , and he had just put four new tires on it . I chose the car ! I preferred to pay for repairs as they were needed than make monthly payments on a new car . As the years passed , my mother expressed concern about my continuing to drive long distances in such an old car , considering I was a single woman . I understood her concern , but I couldn 't bring myself to buy another car as long as my Impala was continuing to operate . Still , when it passed the ten - year mark , I knew that I should get something newer , considering all the long - distance driving I was doing . I started praying that the Lord would make it clear when He wanted me to replace my car . One snowy night during the winter of 1987 - 88 , I was driving to Tri - City 's daycare to pick up my brother 's wife Kim and their boys to give them a ride home since Jeff was working late . ( Kim worked at the daycare at that time . ) While driving on a residential road , my car hit ice . Looking down the hill , I could see that I was about to slide onto a busy street where I would likely crash into another car . I honestly felt no fear as I made the split - second decision to " crash " the car where I was at the top of the hill . As I crashed into a pile of snow , I felt God saying , " It 's time to get another car . " My feeling was STRONG that He was saying that , but then as I pulled out of snow , the car was fine . I was genuinely confused and decided it must have been my imagination . I knew that something had happened . My brother wouldn 't just go out and buy another car . Money was tight . As it turned out , he had wrecked his car . The white one was a rental . Instantly , I understood why God had told me up on that hill that it was time to replace my car - not because I was about to wreck it , but because He wanted me to give it to Jeff ! The way God worked in that situation was really neat . I had been praying for months for a clear sign that it was time to replace my car . One day ( unbeknownst to me ) my brother 's family found themselves in need of a car and started praying . That same night , before finding out about my brother 's need , I felt God telling me that it was time to replace my car . My sense that God was speaking was as strong as if He had spoken audibly . I didn 't say anything to Kim and the boys about it as I drove them home . The next morning , however , I called a man in our church who was a car dealer . I wanted a used Chevy , which he did not sell ; however , he did have one that someone had just given as a trade in . I asked him how much he wanted . When he answered , " $ 3 , 500 " I said , " I 'll take it ! " When I pulled into the dealership , I saw the little Chevy Citation sitting out front . The car dealer saw me through the window and pointed at the car . I mouthed to him , " I 'll take it ! " He laughed and came outside . " Don 't you want to test drive it ? " he asked . " Sure , " I answered . " I 'll drive it to my brother 's house to show his family , but I 'll take it ! " When I pulled into Jeff and Kim 's driveway , Kim looked out the window . Her first thought was that I had also had an accident . When I explained that God had told me it was time to get another car , she asked where my other one was . When I answered , " You can have it , " she threw her arms around me and cried . God is good . A week or so later , when Kim and I were discussing all that had transpired regarding the cars , she said , " When I tell people about this answer to prayer , they 're like , ' Oh , that 's nice Sherry could help you out . ' They totally misunderstood ! " I agreed . These are the kind of things that are not a big deal in the eyes of the world ( or anyone who is not involved in the situation ) , but they are gentle reminders that God is personally invested in our lives and can be trusted . When bigger trials come , we remember these things and are able to rely on Him in the direst of circumstances . Steve was in my eighth grade speech class when I began teaching at Tri - City . He was not the best student , but he never missed a day of school - ever ! At graduation , he received special recognition . The local news even covered the " remarkable achievement . " What the news did not mention were the circumstances - and the prayer - that preceded his achievement . Betty ( Steve 's mom ) grew up with diabetes and was told she could never have children . Naturally , when she got pregnant with her first child , she was ecstatic , but also a little nervous , since hers was a " high risk " pregnancy . Amy was born seemingly healthy , but tests later revealed a hole in her heart . She died a few months later on Labor Day . Even in the midst of their suffering , Ike and Betty sensed the presence of the Lord in their lives . They felt the peace that passes understanding , and they knew that their Amy was with the Lord . Five months later , Betty was pregnant again . As soon as they heard the news , the young couple knelt before God with one request : " Lord , give us a healthy child . " There was no bitterness , no anger , just a fervent desire for something only the Lord could provide . Throughout her pregnancy , Betty joined her husband in prayer for a healthy child . On October 2 , 1970 , Steve was born . He was so robust , he never missed a day of school ! Note : I am posting this in conjunction with an October 3 , 2016 , post on my home page , in which I discuss a particular answer to prayer . It 's pretty cool , but you can read it there ! The following story is from a trip we took to Mexico the following year . During the summer of 1988 , a group from my church went to Mexico to put a roof on the Bible institute we helped start the previous year . Every day for a week , the men and boys worked on the roof while the women and girls cooked , served , passed out tracts , etc . Everything about that week was predictable , right down to the weather . Every day around 3 : 00 , we could see the clouds rolling in . Within fifteen minutes , it was pouring down rain - every day . That was never a problem until the last day , when they needed to pour the concrete . Quite simply , they couldn 't do it in the rain . Plus , the weather needed to stay dry for a certain period of time afterwards . ( I can 't remember how long . ) Anyway , around 3 : 00 , as usual , we saw the clouds heading our way . Pastor Herbster gathered all the women and girls and asked us to pray that God would hold back the rain until the job was done . So we did . A few hours later , as one of the teenage girls was waking up from a nap , another girl asked her , " Have you noticed the clouds ? " Both girls looked out the window . Sure enough , several hours had passed , but those clouds had not moved . Finally , when the men gave the " all clear , " the clouds rolled in and the downpour began . You can call that a coincidence , but everyone who witnessed it knew it was the hand of God . Once I showed up for visitation breakfast an hour early . Evidently , when I turned off my alarm that morning , I hit a button that set my clock an hour ahead . That sounds like a mistake , doesn 't it ? When I arrived , however , I discovered a very frantic Elaine , who was in charge of preparation . For some reason , none of her helpers had shown up . I went to work immediately . Someone commented later that it was a good thing I arrived early by mistake . That was no mistake , I thought . The Lord knew what He was doing . We need to understand that , though our hearts devise our ways , the Lord directs our steps ( Proverbs 16 : 9 ) . He is much more conscious of us than we are of Him . One evening a small country church blew up - literally . If I remember correctly , it had something to do with the furnace . All who saw it blow up were horrified because they assumed the choir was inside at the time . It happened during choir practice . Strangely , however , every single member of the choir , including the director and the pianist , was late for practice - all for different reasons . Several had arrived but had not yet gone inside when the building blew . ( A few years later , a television show called Unsolved Mysteries did a reenactment , focusing on all the different circumstances that resulted in everyone being nearly a half hour late for practice . Evidently , that was incredibly unusual because the choir director was a stickler about being on time . ) Germany When Matt Williams first spoke to me in the fall of 1988 about going to Germany as a missionary school teacher ( to help our missionaries , Eddie and Grace Buford ) , my first thought was , of course not ! As our conversation continued , however , I couldn 't help but feel that God was in it . I asked Bro . Matt if I could pray about it for a week before giving an answer . He agreed . That afternoon , I asked the Lord to show me His will through my dad . I knew my dad was not comfortable with other places I had considered ( like Italy and Mexico ) and I didn 't feel comfortable making him uncomfortable ! Besides I knew that " the king 's heart is in the hand of the Lord , as the rivers of water : He turneth it whithersoever he will " ( Pro . 21 : 1 ) . I asked the Lord to cause my dad to be fine with it if He wanted me to go to Germany . My plan was to pray about it for a week . That night , however , I got a call from my mom : " We need to know right now if you are going to be able to go to New York with Gina 's group in June . " ( We had been discussing the possibility of my going as an adult sponsor , but nothing had been confirmed . ) Of course , I couldn 't go to New York in June if I was going to be in Germany . So much for waiting a week to talk to my parents ! I asked to speak to Dad . When he got on the phone , I was very careful to not sound like I was trying to persuade him one way or another . I really wanted God 's will , which He made very clear with Dad 's response : " Well , I 'd miss you , but I 'd much rather you be in Germany than Mexico ! " Wow ! That was good enough for me . I confirmed it with Bro . Matt the next day . Less than three months later , I was in Germany . Several years ago , my church here in Germany was approached by the German government and informed that it should be paying taxes on church and school employees . " Ok , " our pastor thought , " we 'll start paying taxes . " There was only one problem - the government insisted that we pay back taxes on everyone who had ever worked here . For years our case was in the courts . We were not opposed to paying taxes if that was the law , but how does a church consisting of a hundred military families come up with an extra hundred thousand dollars ? Sometimes months would go by without any word from the government . That was fine with us . If they let the case slide until the rapture , we would not mind ! Finally , in 1992 , a final decision was made - we had to pay . When my pastor , Eddie Buford , asked a German pastor and friend for advice , he received this reply : Although the suggestion was tempting , considering that he had been told he could go to jail if we failed to pay , Pastor Buford could not do it . After all , how big is God ? Couldn 't He supply a hundred thousand dollars ? Our church got behind our pastor . We prayed and we gave . Soon money was coming through the mail . Still , as the deadline approached , we had a long way to go . Then God did something that still gives me goosebumps . It was the spring of 1992 . The deadline for paying the back taxes was approaching , and we were still thousands of dollars away from our goal . One day a German came to read our meter . He noticed that two meter boxes had been installed . He asked us if we knew why . We had no idea . For ten years we had been paying double on our electricity - an excess of over one hundred thousand dollars ! Ten years earlier , God had opened an Eifel Baptist Church savings account with the German electric company and had kept it a secret until He knew we needed it . How about that ? They paid us back , and we paid our taxes . A skeptic might still say , " Coincidence , " but everyone in my church knows better ! Our pastor refused to skip out on God when the going got rough , and God showed the world that He won 't skip out on those who trust Him . One day the Lord put a woman on my heart whom I 'd only seen twice in my life . ( Her daughter was on a friend 's bus route . ) I wasn 't sure why I couldn 't get my mind off this woman , but when I learned that she was getting ready to return to the United States , I knew I had to go see her . I didn 't know if she would even remember me , but I felt compelled to go see her . When I knocked on her door the following Tuesday , I could hear all kinds of commotion going on inside . I wanted to leave , but a woman eventually opened the door . " You 're right , Lori ! " she called over her shoulder . " Someone 's at the door ! " She turned back to me . " You want Lori ? " she asked . " She 's in the kitchen . " In the kitchen I discovered Lori making tacos . She had other visitors over , her Rottweiler was running everywhere , and her two - year - old was chasing the Rottweiler . The atmosphere was definitely not conducive to a meaningful conversation ! She let me know that she was nervous about flying . I laughed and said that I understood . " I 'm a Christian , " I told her , " but I still get nervous about flying . I 'm just glad God 's in control , and He can take care of me ! " I paused for a moment . Lori turned back to her tacos . Then I asked , " Do you know God ? " " Yes , " was all she said as she led me to the back bedroom . She walked away from her guests , her tacos , her children , everything that was going on . She even seemed oblivious to the dog as he kept poking his head through the door to the bedroom . The latch wasn 't working , so I shoved a laundry basket against the door . That didn 't discourage him , so I propped my foot against the laundry basket and turned to Lori with my Bible . I shared with her that Christianity isn 't a religion . It 's a relationship … a personal relationship between a human being and God Himself . In spite of all the commotion , Lori listened intently . When I asked if she wanted to pray , she nodded and quietly received Christ as her personal Savior . It didn 't take any sales pitch or pressure tactics . She was ready . For the past month she said she had not been able to get her mind off the possibility of dying in a plane crash before her family back home could see her second child . For the past month , I had been unable to get my mind off this woman whom I 'd only seen twice in my entire life . Coincidence ? I don 't think so . God was preparing me to speak to her as He was preparing her for salvation . Before I left , Lori told me that God was already easing her fears . I told her that I wasn 't surprised . " Christianity isn 't a religion … " I began . Long before school started last year , I asked the Lord to make Himself real to my students in the coming year . It was exciting to see many answers to prayer in big things as well as in small matters . In fact , one of the neatest blessings involved a matter so small that I kept forgetting to pray about it . That winter we had the best snowfall that Germany had seen in five years . My students were thrilled . One day after school , they had a snowball fight behind the church before heading home . Later that evening , one of the girls , Renee , discovered that a shoe was missing . Evidently , it had fallen out of her backpack during the snowball fight . Someone remembered seeing it in the backyard , but when he went to get it , it was gone . Every day for a week Renee requested prayer that it would be found , and every day I forgot to pray ! Finally , more than a week later , the Lord rebuked me , and we had an old - fashioned prayer meeting at the start of the school day . I reminded the Lord of all the other answers to prayer this year and told Him we knew He could " do it again " for Renee . At three o ' clock school ended , and the students headed home . About fifteen minutes later , Debbie , an eighth grader , came tearing into the building , huffing and puffing , carrying Renee 's shoe in perfect condition . She hadn 't been looking for it ; she was just walking home , same as always , and stumbled across Renee 's shoe on the sidewalk . Coincidence ? No one will convince my students of that ! A few days after Renee got her shoe , I also received a special blessing . Even though I was twenty - nine years old and had been on my own since I was seventeen , I had always gone to my parents ' home for Christmas , so I never bought a Christmas tree . That year for the first time , I was going to be away from my family on Christmas . I wanted a tree , but I didn 't feel I could afford a tree and all the ornaments it would need . Another thing : I truly wanted to honor the Lord in all that I did , and I had been in a few conversations with some friends about whether or not it was ok for Christians to have Christmas trees . ( One friend made an argument against the practice . ) After all , there are passages in the Old Testament that talk specifically about people cutting down trees , adorning them with silver , and worshiping them . I wondered how God felt about our modern practice of putting up Christmas trees . One Saturday morning as I was getting ready to visit the children on my bus route , I decided against buying a Christmas tree . If the Lord wanted me to have a tree , I decided , He could give me one . After all , maybe He didn 't want me to have a tree . I remember my prayer : " Lord , if You want me to have a Christmas tree , please give me one … and give it to me today so I 'll have a chance to put it up before my students come over … And , by the way , if You 're going to give me a tree , give me the ornaments today also since I don 't have any ornaments . Thanks . " After my prayer , I finished getting dressed and headed out to the car . The snow had started falling an hour or so earlier and was already accumulating as I drove to Bitburg for my bus route . Twice , I considered turning back , especially when my car spun around less than four miles from my home . Still , something compelled me to keep going , so I did . My friend Bonnie and I were the only workers to show up for the route . Since the snow was continuing to fall , we decided to split the route and meet halfway . The goal was to get home before we got stranded ! When we met up after a couple hours , Bonnie had a question : " Do you happen to know anyone who could use a Christmas tree ? " " You know so - and - so ? Their dad is deploying to Saudi Arabia , so they 're going back to the States for Christmas . They have been trying to find someone to take their tree so they won 't have to throw it out ! " " You need ornaments ? " Bonnie remarked . " Jeff and I are going on a tour of Italy over Christmas , so we 're not putting up a tree . You can use our ornaments . " So on my way home , I stopped by her house to pick up the ornaments . Some could read this and think , " That 's no big deal . Christmas trees are not that expensive . " That may be true , but I believe I had more fun with my Christmas tree that year than anyone else I know ! Whenever I felt discouraged , I would plop down in front of my timely answer to prayer . It always made me smile ! During my years in Germany , I spent the summers working in the church office . One day in August , about two weeks before the start of the new school year , I poked my head in the pastor 's office to let him know I was leaving . He seemed to have a lot on his mind , so I asked if there was anything more I could do . A few days later , I was in the church driveway getting ready to leave when a car pulled up and a family of four got out . It was the Martinez family . They had just arrived in Germany and had heard about our school . They were interested in it for their boys . As I talked with the family , I suddenly got the sense that standing in front of me was the answer to our prayers . I rushed into the office to call Pastor Buford , who was at home helping his wife get ready for her flight . Note : Everything up to this point is from my single life . God didn 't suddenly stop working once I got married . I 'll share some of those stories in the next few days ! 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Thanks to all who responded to our request for true - life ghostly encounters . Below is Part I of our selections , Part II can be viewed here . The Woman in Black I am a mobile dog groomer . I went to a client 's house to groom their 3 dogs . The owners were not home at the time but they left a note on the door to go on in and get the dogs . I walked into the kitchen and saw one of the dogs laying in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room and she was looking at something because she had her head cocked to the right with her ears perked up . I looked up to see what she was looking at and there in the archway of the dining room stood a hologram - type figure of a woman , dressed in all black Salvation Army type clothing . She was standing there with her hands clasped in front of her , staring out the front window of the house with a worried look on her face . She had no awareness of my presence in the room . I felt my blood rush to my face and I grabbed the dog and ran out the door . I didn 't really feel scared , in fact , I felt a peacefulness about this woman and no fear at all . I was more worried about my sanity than the woman . I had to go back in to get the other two dogs and when I got there the woman was gone . I hurried out of the house and got the three dogs into my grooming van . I started to cry because I thought that maybe I was losing my mind or something , but , I know for sure that what I saw was real . The site of this woman has changed my life forever . I was a non - believer in spirits / ghosts before this day but I am a believer now ! It took me a year to get up the courage to tell the owners what I saw that day . I told them I had something to tell them . I said " You both know that I am not a crazy person , I own my own successful business and I am not a person that makes things up . " They both said that they knew that . Then I said , " I think you have a ghost on your house . " One of the owners said , " Was it a man or a woman ? " I said , " A woman . " The owner asked me if she was dressed in all black and I said yes . Then the owner said , " Oh , that 's just Esther ! " I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then and there . The owners said they have known about Esther for a loMinou , the Ghost - Busting Cat My beloved Minou is in spirit now , but during the 20 years of her life , she showed me many times how a cat can be an invaluable companion for a hypersensitive medium . She had a great and gentle spirit . There were only two times in that whole 20 years when Minou got angry to the point where she frightened me . One time , she spotted a workman installing an awning on our apartment window , and decided that his intrusion demanded a strong response . Lucky for the poor fellow , there was a strong window in her way . She gave him a fright though , and all of us were lucky he had a good strong grip on the awning ! Many years later , we moved into another " store - front " apartment , this time , on the ground floor of an old office , which I discovered quickly was haunted . Our spooky new roommate was a cranky old man in grubby overalls , whose unpleasant attitude and grimy appearance was a perfect match to the basement we almost never entered . I was aware he did not want me going in what he saw as " his " space , but after many attempts at trying to get him to move on , I decided to give up on using the basement . Still , I stored a few nick - nacks in the basement , and went to get them one afternoon . As I reached the top of the stairs , I felt the spirit throwing himself at me in anger . I immediately threw up my protective shields , but before I could take another step , Minou launched herself at me . She attached herself to my leg , howling , hissing and screeching , and as I hopped around in pain and shock ( nick - nacks flying around the room ) , I could not shake or pull her off . Finally , the spirit retreated , terrified and confused , into the comfort of his dark basement . As soon as he was gone , Minou dropped off neatly and calmly off my leg , and flipped over into her unmistakable " rub my tummy " pose . There was no sign that anything was ever wrong . I was bleeding quite profusely , though no stitches were needed . At first I was distressed that she had attacked me , but I quickly realized it was not me she had attacked . It was our nasty spirit roommate ! After I calmed down ( which took a while ) , I once again tried to persuade the spirit to go into the light , but he was adamant that he was going to stay . So I made him a deal . I would not go into the basement , if he would not come upstairs . His response ? " Keep that damned cat up there with you ! " From that day to the end of her very long life , Minou never again so much as hissed at me . I remain convinced that she drove this spirit away from me . I don 't know what he might have been able to do , if anything , but I am grateful for her love and protection . Years after she passed , she would often come back for visits . One time , she walked across my bed , and I could see the indentations where her little spirit - paws had passed , and as she walked under my arm , it lifted off the bed . I could smell her scent and feel her fur . It remains the most intense spirit encounter I have had - and as an empathic medium , I 've had many . - - Brandi JGhostly Boy Watches Over Us My husband was sleeping and I was listening to Coast to Coast when I felt my little dog walk about my feet . I opened my eyes to see what she was up to only to see that she was snuggled up under my left arm . Now totally alert , I looked towards the bottom of the bed to see a small , perfectly clear ghostly figure . The child was clothed in a shirt , shorts and a cap and seemed to be about 2 feet tall . He was now seated on my husband 's hip with his hands placed neatly on his knees . His blank , little face was staring at me . My heart started to race and my first instinct was to try and touch him , but my right hand went completely through the misty figure . At that point , the child ghost just turned his head slowly away from me and looked towards our bedroom door . My instincts told me to glance over to see what he was looking at when my heart almost stopped . There in the door stood several hooded and armed , shadow figures marching towards our bed . Yes , they were slowly and deliberately marching . Immediately , I started chanting and waving my free arm for the demons to vanquish . I was shouting at the top of my lungs for them to leave us alone . I do remember that I was struggling for the right words but within a few seconds the shadow figures literally crumbled like dust and fell to the floor . I looked back to the emotionless ghostly boy as he stood up and walked up between my husband and I ( over the dog ) and walked right through the wall . Again I tried to touch him but my hand was stopped by the wall . At that point I felt complete peace . Someone then gently grabbed my arm , raised it to the ceiling and slowly lowered it down to touch my other hand on the bed . I believe the significance of lowering my hand was to place my hands in prayer . As soon as my hands touched I was asleep . The next morning I told my husband what happened and we concluded that the boy had been there to protect us . Although initially I was afraid of this ghost I was quite thankful for his presence that night . That evening my husband blessed each and eveThe Tulsa Mansion Ghost My story takes place in the autumn of 1978 . As I look back , I believe it was in October of that year . We had been restoring a 1920 's era oil mansion just down the street from the famous William G . Skelly Mansion and around the corner from J . Paul Getty 's first mansion . This ornate old mansion , built during Tulsa 's golden oil boom days , still had all the trappings of success . The entire family estate had passed away . Fortunately it fell into the hands of a local architect who specialized in historical restoration . We had completed the outside of the home and were just about finished with the interior so the crew was down to just me and Delbert , my foreman . At a little before 10 o ' clock one morning , Deb decided to go get us a soda and snack for break time . Meanwhile , I busied myself with the painting of the downstairs fireplace . It was no longer functional so we were just dusting it out and painting it to look good . So I wouldn 't get dust in my paint , I placed my bucket and brush and a couple of hand tools on the bottom of a grand staircase that went upstairs . This is where it gets other worldly . When I finished dusting out the fireplace I went to get my paint and tools and they were gone . I thought Delbert was trying to pull a fast one on me so I yelled out for him and asked him where my tools were . There was no answer . I kept calling his name all the way out the front door and on to this beautiful front porch you just don 't see anymore and lo and behold his truck was gone . No Delbert , no truck , just me feeling stupid . I went back into the mansion and began retracing my steps , thinking I had misplaced them . I was 27 years old at the time so I know my memory wasn 't going . I looked everywhere for those tools . I searched the basement , the kitchen , the dining room , formal living , sun room , closets , cabinets . . . . . . well you get the picture . Finally out of desperation I went upstairs and began looking around . I looked in all the bedrooms and to my shock , in the top of each bedroom closet was one of my hand tools . When I lThe paint hadn 't even moved around in the bucket . It was like it had never been touched . A very urgent sense of ' Oh dear Lord , please get me the hell out of here yesterday ' came over me . The end of my story may be boring but believe me , it 's my favorite part of the story . That was our last day on the job . On some weekend drives with my wife , especially near Halloween , I still drive by that beautiful old home and remember the day of the " tools that moved by themselves " . Never could get ' em to do that again . - - Bob in Tulsa , Oklahoma The Laundry Ghost About two years ago , I awoke in the middle of the night to see a man leaning over my laundry bin . He was dressed in black with black hair and seemed to be looking through my laundry basket at the foot of my bed ! This apparition appeared solid as day , and I immediately concluded that my home was being broken in to . I let out an involuntary scream and to my surprise the being vanished instantaneously . The temperature was absolutely freezing and this entity left an electrical charge in the room that was palpable . It was like the hair on my arms and neck had been rubbed with static electricity . The apparition did not reappear , but needless to say I did not sleep well that night . I did some research , and attempted to ' clear ' the house of negative energy by carrying a bundle of burnt sage ( similar to incense ) around the rooms . Bad idea . As I got to the bedroom , things seemed to go okay , until I reached the corner and had a strong sensation of being watched , as I turned to investigate , the bowl holding the burning sage flew from my hands and hit the wall . I was sure something or someone had pushed it from my hands in an attempt to end the clearing ceremony . My husband , who is generally skeptical , decided to attempt clearing the house again . As he reached the same corner of the bedroom , I stood and watched as the sage bowl flew from his hands and this time hit the wall with such force that it shattered on the carpet at his feet . It was obvious this was not a coincidence . This being was not prepared to leave quietly . We continued to experience strange activity : glasses shattering , lights burning out , doors closing , cold pockets , orbs , being poked and pushed , and , yes , laundry frequently went missing . A few weeks later we managed to find a psychic who informed us that there was a massive vortex in the house which made the house similar to " a bus stop for the dead . " Her recommendation was to pack up and leave ASAP . A few months later after persistent activity we did just that . - - Kasey G . kaseyg @ dccnet . com Ghost Goes on the ' Record ' When I was in college in San Luis Obispo , CA , I lived in a house that was haunted . Things would happen quite often - books flying off of shelves , glasses breaking in the kitchen , furniture moving around . My roommates and I always heard it happening , but it seemed to go on behind our backs , never in front of our faces . One evening , I was getting ready to leave to go to the radio station I worked at , and paranormal things were happening in the house all day . I was quite sick of it and finally , on my way out , said in a loud confidant voice , " Whatever you are , just show yourself to my face ! I 'm sick of it happening behind my back ! " At that moment , a 7 " record that was lying on top of my stereo flew out at me , hit my shins and landed at my feet . It was as if someone tossed it like a Frisbee . I was quite satisfied after that , knowing that the ghost had finally done something that I could be a witness to ! On reflection , I wonder if it was a being in a different dimension that was frightened by my presence as I materialized into their space - and their reaction was to throw something at me ! - - Melissa The Ghostly Carrier One evening , about nine years ago , I was just barely asleep . I was awoken by someone speaking into my right ear telling me that " so and so " was here . A name was mentioned , but I do not remember it . This woke me up and as soon as I sat up in bed , a woman floated into my room . My bed was on the opposite wall from the doorway and she floated in through the door across the foot of my bed and down a short hallway to the ensuite bathroom where she then floated up higher and out the closed bathroom window . The entity did not look at me and for that I was very grateful . I don 't think she was aware of my presence and I sat as still as could be so as not to bring any attention to myself . I was never more scared in my life . The entity wore a polka dot blouse and her hair was pulled back and held in what looked like a hair net of some sort . She struck me as though she were dressed in apparel from the 1940s . This woman did not have any legs - I noticed this immediately . She was just a floating torso and she was floating rather high in the air . Another strange thing that I noticed was that she had her arms crossed as if holding something to her chest . Two days after witnessing this , I had a miscarriage . I was five months pregnant and I believe this woman was there to collect my unborn child . I do not think she was evil , perhaps she was an angel of some sort . Then two weeks after my miscarriage I had a near fatal car accident which I miraculously survived . We have since moved from that house and a part of the reason for the move was the paranormal events that I witnessed there . The floating torso woman was one of many . - - Jeanne B . Bolton Ontario Canada Encounter at Lemp Mansion It was January 2004 and I was in a wedding party . The festivities were taking place at facilities near the Lemp Mansion just south of downtown Saint Louis , Missouri . The Lemp Mansion was built by the Lemp beer - brewing family in the very early 20th Century . It was also the site of 2 of the 4 suicides in this tragic family . The last suicide occurring in the mansion in 1949 . The mansion has been owned by several interests over the years and is now a restaurant and bed - and - breakfast . It is also reputed to be full of ghosts . I have always taken these things seriously as I have many friends and family who have experienced the paranormal . And I had always wanted to have a ghost encounter . I finally got my opportunity during this social occasion . After the reception , around 1130PM , my wife and I entered the Mansion and were standing in the foyer , absorbing the surroundings before we were to proceed upstairs to our room . The Mansion was empty but for us , the employees having left for the evening … We had only paused for a moment and were enjoying the thrill of where we now were when it happened . Something caressed my face . An unseen hand with the consistency of cotton balls stroked my face from my brow back across my cheek to the back of my head . It was a gentle , almost affectionate caress and it lasted but 3 or 4 seconds . I was not a bit afraid , only mildly startled . There was no doubt in my mind what I had just felt , but I immediately examined my surroundings for any possible , logical explanation : Had I brushed against a hanging tapestry ? Had a spider web fallen from the ceiling and landed upon me ? A practical joke perhaps ? None of these things was apparent . This thing had happened to me and its very nature was undeniable : I had been touched by something deliberate . - - Steve in Saint Louis Location , Location , Location This ghost story took place around 1985 in Glendora California . I was a real estate broker , and I was showing property to a lady who was looking for a executive type home in an upper class neighborhood . I had shown her several properties , and we came to this house . It was vacant , and had been completely re - furbished , and was immaculate . We started in the living room , and then the bedrooms . Everything seemed normal until we entered the kitchen . We couldn 't see anything , but the presence in the room was overwhelming . It was like a vibration that went right through you . The lady looked at me , I looked at her and we both ran for the front door . Out on the front porch , we stopped to catch our breath , We couldn 't believe what just happened . I went to lock the front door and put the key back in the lock box , when I realized I had left my multiple listing book on the kitchen counter . A new rule had just been passed at the Board of Realtors , that if you lost your book you couldn 't get a new one until the next edition , so I had to go back in and get it . I opened the door , looked inside , and made a mad dash for the kitchen . I ran in grabbed the book - - I still didn 't see or hear anything , but that overwhelming , foreboding presence was still there . I ran out the front door again , locked it , and reported the incident to the Board . I never heard any more about it . I think someone must have died in the house and that is why it was for sale . - - Jack F . In the Driver 's Seat My husband decided to buy a newer model Lincoln from a wrecking yard . The car had minimal damage and he felt he could fix it for me to drive . The minute I saw the car in our driveway , I knew I didn 't like the car at all . There was something wrong with it . My husband started working on the car and couldn 't understand why I didn 't like the car , but decided to finish it up and sell it . From the first day that car was at our home , I knew I was being watched and followed around my backyard whenever I worked in my garden or the greenhouse . Both of our daughters felt they were being followed whenever they went into the back yard . That car gave me the creeps and the one time I rode in it , I felt uncomfortable and ready to get out of the car immediately . We only had one person who seemed interested in the car ( a friend of one of our daughters ) but he didn 't have the money my husband wanted for the car . No one would drive it so it just sat there and every once and a while my husband would work on it . Finally one day we were in our family room watching TV and my husband jumped up and said that he had seen a man in our backyard walk by the sliding glass door . You have to realize that our backyard is inaccessible unless you go through the house . My husband even went outside to see who was in the backyard and found no one . A few days later my husband was out working on that car again , when he suddenly came into the house and sat down in front of the TV and never said a word . Finally , he said he would call up our daughters friend to see if he still wanted the car and would sell it to him for quite a bit lower that what he had originally said he would sell the car . Our daughter 's friend bought the car for the lower price and loved the car , but about 6 months later the car was finally totaled when the driver hit a patch of ice and slid into a telephone pole . Thank god that car finally went off with whoever was haunting it ! About 2 years after the car had been finally wrecked my husband confessed to me that heLast Call In the mid seventies , I supplemented my income by working as the door man at a bar in the Oakland section of Pittsburgh . All employees had to show up on Monday nights after nine o ' clock to pick up their pay envelopes . This Monday was no different . I didn 't want to go out . I had to get up early in the morning for my regular job . I expected I would pick up my pay , have a beer and come back home . I arrived to find a typical Monday night crowd , just a handful of people and the Baron . The Baron was an Italian guy , kind of stocky with long curly hair and gold chains . It was because of the gold chains that we called him the Baron . He would arrive at four thirty in the afternoon when the bar opened and would assume his position at the U shaped bar . My boss , Guzzy , would engage the Baron . Humorous banter would continue back and forth for hours . By 9pm the Baron would begin to turn nasty and sometimes evil , insulting other patrons . Guzzy would tell him , " OK Baron , it 's time to go . " Then knowing he wouldn 't be served anymore , he would leave . But not this Monday night ! The obnoxious Baron continued . His anger increased . The profanity increased . He would not leave . Guzzy turned to me , " OK , get off your butt and do your job . " " Job ? , " I said , " I 'm not here to work tonight . I 'm here to pick up my pay , have a beer and go home ! " Guzzy replied in a matter of fact way , " Get him out of here ! " I went to the Baron , " Common Baron , it 's time to go . " The Baron refused . He wanted to fight me ! I didn 't want to hurt him . I took him by the arm . When he resisted , I put him in a wrist lock and marched him out the door to the middle of the sidewalk . I patted him on the shoulder and bid him a good night . The following Friday I arrived at the bar for my 10pm to 2am shift at the door . Guzzy called me over to the bar . He looked ill . He wasn 't his jovial self . His face was ashen white , " There 's someone in the kitchen who wants to speak to you . " I looked toward the kitchen and saw an older gentleman dressed in a gray suit looking back at me . I went to the kitchen . He handed me his business card , Det . Bob McKay , Pittsburgh Homicide . He handed me a photo , " Do you recognize this guy ? " The guy in the picture looked rather disheveled . It was a mug shot . " That 's the Baron ! " I replied . He asked , " When 's the last time you saw him ? " " Monday night , I wasn 't here to work . I stopped in to pick up my pay . The Baron was acting up . So Guzzy made me put him out . I marched him out the door and told him to have a good night . " The detective yelled at me , pounding his fist on the counter , " It couldn 't have been Monday night ! Think again ! " I raised my voice to him , " It WAS Monday night . It HAD to be Monday night . We all have to pick up our pay envelopes on MONDAY NIGHT after NINE O ' CLOCK on MONDAY NIGHT . I wasn 't here to work the door . I had picked up my pay and was hoping to enjoy a quiet beer at the bar when I was obliged by Guzzy to put him out ! " Well , " he said , " Guzzy told me the same think but it can 't be . " " Why couldn 't it have been More Articles |
It 's the 4th of July today - we knew it was coming because there have been firecrackers going off for a week . Strangely enough , it 's quiet at the moment - 2 : 15 p . m . - but I expect it will get livelier as the day goes on and it begins to be dark . So we are in for a noisy evening and night . We can look in all four directions and people have fireworks going off - sometimes it is hard to decide which way to turn . The other unusual part of the day is that we have had sun and good weather quite often - we tend to say summer doesn 't start here until July 5th . Eddie took the day off and went with me to visit Mom . I wasn 't sure if he would because he finds it very difficult to be with her , he can 't really carry on a conversation with her . She has been having trouble with her knee , so she has been in the wheelchair - but Judy has her use the walker to go into the tv room . Today she was sitting in the chair , her walker near her . So she must be doing better . She is always ready for chocolate and cookies , I had 2 different kinds of chocolate this time . As we were walking over from the church parking lot , Eddie said he didn 't want to stay very long . We were there about half an hour and Judy was outside on the phone , so I couldn 't tell her we were leaving . I went around the back door but she wasn 't outside , she was just inside the door . She was concerned about me because we hadn 't stayed long - I told her it is hard for Eddie to see her that way . She is so understanding and kind to me , it started my tears gathering in my eyes . And the nicer she is to me , the more I cry . It hit me and I was feeling upset . I went back to the car and decided I would just feel the feeling , feel the sensations . I can 't really describe how I was feeling , upset is the best I can do . So I just decided this is what I am feeling in this moment , not judging it good or bad , or criticizing or beating myself up about it . I decided to speak my truth , though mostly it was inside me rather than telling Eddie . It was uncomfortable to feel like that , but that was how I felt . I felt tears spilling down my cheeks and I let them fall . I thought about the gift in it , at that moment I didn 't see any gift . I called on Mother / Father God , my angels , archangels , master teachers , ascended masters , spirit guides , over lighting divas and all who were there for my highest good to help and guide me to see the gift . As I was working through it , I realized the gift was I felt my feelings and the sensations without judgment or beating myself up - just allowed them to be what they were in that moment . Usually I will do something or go somewhere so I don 't have to feel or think about what I am feeling - not always the best idea . It feels as if it is another step to awareness - they aren 't always comfortable or enjoyable steps , but they are necessary . I told Judy I have had several people tell me that I will be grateful I did this for Mom - she said that was so very true . Right now it is a bit difficult for me to see this because often I want to run away and not have to deal with it . I also know I couldn 't live with myself if I did - I keep thinking how she has always been there for me and my sisters and it is my turn to do it for her . I never want her to feel she has been abandoned . I spoke to an intuitive a few weeks back and she told me my Dad 's Spirit is still here , waiting until Mom finishes what she needs to complete . She said he is very proud of me . It 's better now , though there is a heaviness and some draggy feelings . The gift comes in unexpected ways , or is itself different from what I thought it would be . Sometimes I expect things to show up in a certain way or form , when it doesn 't , I am disappointed . I have a much easier time now just giving it to God and saying " However shows up , whatever works for me " . I have finally learned that when I say it has to be a certain way , I limit the Universe and miss out on all kinds of possibilities . " Perhaps stubborn could also be strong with the ability to hang in there . That 's the positive flip side and that 's what I have seen you do in the last few years , especially with all you have gone through helping Mom and healing from the hip and making huge changes spiritually . There 's always a flip side to the negative . Julia Cameron has an exercise where you take the negative labels and turn them into their positive opposite . I don 't see you as a victim , but a victor . You are empowering yourself by changing your limited thinking for new ideas and new ways to look at old situations . And that takes a bit of stubbornness and strength to do that in spite of all the doubts and people who do not support you in the changes you are making . " I heard someone on the radio yesterday illustrate stubborn as not listening to one 's inner self . She was working as a nurse in an Alzheimer 's facility and kept hearing " Go to Evergreen Hospital " . She kept putting it off until she broke her wrist rollerblading . She decided to go just for the heck of it , they hired her as an oncology nurse on the spot and were also willing to wait 6 weeks while her wrist healed . It is knowing something to do that will make a difference but putting it off for every reason that one can think up . I know I need to clean out my office and not only organize it but also throw things away that no longer serve me . I know I have a pack rat mentality ; I come by it honestly from my parents . I realize I keep waiting to have energy to do it , something that is taking a long time to arrive . The practical part of me says I need to just start small and the energy will come . The other part of me keeps saying how tired I am and I just want to sleep . The negative part of me seems to be the louder voice - it takes more practice to listen and pay attention to the positive voice . I also need to clean out the house , now that my Mom no longer lives here , and make it our home with our furniture , etc . Talk about a daunting task ! My husband and I keep saying we will do things after the kitchen is done . But I also realize we have to clear out the kitchen of everything in all the drawers , cabinets and pantry . My positive and negative voices are shouting at each other . Positive says most of it needs to go ; the negative side says we might need it later so it is better to keep it . Yes , I know I have to decide which voice to listen to in spite of knowing both sides have some good reasons . I don 't want to expend the energy to reenforce more of the positive voice , though I know the good points of the negative voice . I keep saying to myself and focusing on how tired I am and how little energy I have at this point . Certainly I know those negative messages keep piling up and definitely keep me feeling tired . It 's looonnnnnng past time to change my thoughts and focus to being " wide awake , full of energy and ready to go " . I have noticed the sunshine helps lift me to have more positive thoughts and feel energy . Instead of just waiting for the energy to come , I know it is important to make different choices . Yet it feels as if it takes too much energy and effort to start it . So here I sit , knowing it is my choice to do what is required and not really doing anything about it . The positive of all this is that I may actually be changing my thoughts and focus already , it may just be slower than I want it to be . I tend to want visible , measurable change rather than waiting for the gradual change to be noticeable . I am feeling that way about Orencia - I had my 3rd infusion on Tuesday but there doesn 't seem to be a discernible difference , just bits of well - being occasionally . Is it stubborn or just impatience ? Seems this is still a developing process - it will be interesting to see what else shows up to show other kinds of stubborn . I had planned to write a blog post 2 1 / 2 weeks ago called " The Bears Have It Right " . I had decided to take the last two weeks in December off just relaxing - hibernating , so to speak - doing what I wanted , writing blog posts as well as in my journal . I needed some quiet time to rest and recuperate from this last quarter of the year . Unfortunately I came down with the flu and have been coughing , blowing my nose , losing my voice and dealing with a sore throat . If I had been in any mood to write , it would have been to whinge about how badly I felt and chronicle in detail the day my throat felt as if there were thorns in it - made swallowing , sneezing and coughing very uncomfortable . Then I would have complained the day I had a horrendous headache - all of which would have been against my rule of No Whingeing . So that is why you have not seen a blog for 2 1 / 2 weeks . To make the whole thing more interesting , Eddie came down with it as well about a week after I did . What a pair we have been . There are times when I think God has a very peculiar sense of humor - last time I needed a break , it was a broken hip rather than two weeks at a spa as I had imagined it . So here I am in January 3rd , feeling a whole lot better , though still with the stuffy runny nose and cough . I am beginning to feel more human again - boy does that feel good . I am still lying low this week to see if I can get over it all as much as possible before starting the new year . I am happy to say I have been sleeping well for a while , though I still don 't feel rested . But I think I am working through the fatigue of this year and last by going down layer by layer . It has been a very different Christmas this year , the first time we have been on our own . We always came to Seattle for Christmas with Mom and Dad and my two sisters - didn 't seem like Christmas otherwise . The only decoration we put up were the cards that arrived - thank goodness Eddie was on the ball sending ours . Christmas Day we went over to see Mom and bring her a box of goodies . We also brought Candy 's gifts with us since she sent them to the house . She was pleased to see us , even though we were both feeling terrible . They had all been given gifts - John gave Mom a large teddy bear - she really likes it and cuddles it a lot . I wanted to give the others in the house a gift , so I bought handkerchiefs for John and Wendell , a plush bear for Jennifer because she keeps admiring Mom 's and has said she wished she had one . I gave Monique and Jan each a bone china mug and scarves to Didi , Judy and Susan . I appreciate their caring for Mom and being there for her . Mom is often confused and has been having trouble sleeping at night . To counteract that , she sleeps a lot in the day . They have a new med to help her sleep at night but it hasn 't kicked in yet - it may take a couple of weeks . One day I went to see her and she was sound asleep - she had not slept well the night before . Another day she had just gotten up - it was about 1 : 30 in the afternoon . She seems to be more forgetful when she is timed and they are beginning to see her feisty , irritable side now . When I saw her yesterday , she was very upset and wanted to go home , I think more likely her mother 's house , though she did say she wanted to live with me again . Part of it is not sleeping well and part is the dementia , it was upsetting to be there . This is definitely the hardest part of the disease . I talked to Judy about it and she helped me to understand about it a little more . I have to remind myself her perception is not always a true one . 2012 has been a challenging year for a lot of people , not just me . What I would rather do when I look back over the year is to see the gifts in it . Although it has been difficult taking care of Mom and then finding a place for her to live , plus all the balderdash applying for Medicaid , I am realizing I can ask for help as well as step up to plate and deal with what comes . I have realized that a lot of my childhood programs have been hitting me in the face so I finally have begun to recognize them . One was " Don 't ask for help , don 't bother or burden others " , I am listening to my older sister 's advice of " Ditch it , girl " . With the broken hip , I had a break from Mom and home , though not quite as I pictured it . But it gave me a chance to have time on my own where the focus was on me and what I needed . It also gave Eddie a chance to see what I had been dealing with all those months . Yes , I still had to deal with stuff for Mom on the phone , but I could forget about it for a while as I was doing therapy and sleeping - not a lot of energy or interest for anything else . This has been a better week , I am starting to sleep better , so I must have rested enough to sleep . I still have those nights , but it is slowly getting better . Thanks to my chiropractor and my massage therapist , my shoulder and neck pain is a lot better than it was . I had a great massage session because I was able to release the pent up emotions in my chest and abdomen , I have no idea what they are specifically and apparently it isn 't always necessary to know the details . The most positive thing this week was my visit to Mom on Wednesday - she was doing well and said she liked it there , the people were good to her and she didn 't ask how long she had to stay . They all really like her there and yesterday Eddie and I went over with a cake for the house . Kathy suggested it and I am so glad she did . We bought one of the Panera Cinnamon Crumb cakes and every one had a piece , with some left over for another time . Mom has said several times that she thinks Eddie doesn 't like her , so this helps dispell that notion . I 'm glad we went . She does keep asking about her parents , do I know where they are . I have to tell her I don 't know , then she will ask if they are dead . I say yes , they are watching over you and preparing a place for when it is your time to go . She keeps saying she wants to go now , so I don 't have an answer for that . I was also pleased to hear from Jan , one of the residents , that they love having her there . I was also glad to hear Kathy came to visit as well . So now it is time to fill in the forms for Medicaid , when we pay December 's payment , there won 't be much left in her checking account . It takes 6 to 8 weeks to apply , so it looks as if it will be mid December before I find out . I have been working on filling out forms , finding papers or making changes to others - will the paperwork never end ? I am going to ask Denise , our social worker to look at the forms , etc . before I send them in to make sure they are right . As for the house , we want to redo the kitchen , so we are applying for a loan that will cover the remodel and the home equity loan . If Mom isn 't accepted for Medicaid , we will have to sell the house and use the money to pay for her support . So we are taking things one day at a time - God has already created the solution , we don 't know exactly how it will show up . We may have to go to Plan B - whatever that is . Somewhere I heard of a book title called " Living With Uncertainty " . Wonder what the author recommends . Right now it is just working on the things that need to be done now , then look to the next step . Ain 't Life a kick in the head ! This blog sometimes is the strangest thing - I find I want to write pages and pages and other times I sit her and struggle to decide what to write about next . I seem to have come to a standstill right now , I had so much I wanted to write when I was having trouble with neck and shoulders . I keep thinking it is because I am still so tired , yet I know I can 't be using that for all the things that I still haven 't accomplished . I will admit to still getting used to being in the house with just the two of us . It is so nice not to have the time limits any more , that I can get up and go early with Eddie when I want . I am at a point where I need to decide what direction I want my business to go . I am not sure , plus I have some other things I want to check out as well . I know it is important to know where I am going and what I am meant to do , but I have been thinking this is not quite the time to decide , not while I am still resting . How strange to think it is now MY time , I have spent so much of my life focusing on other people , it feels odd to think about myself . On the 11th of October I moved my Mom to an adult family home - I could not have accomplished it without Kathy 's help . Mom left for the Center , then Kathy came over around 10 . She ran 3 loads of wash so everything would be clean for Mom as she started out in her new home . Kathy knew what to pack and did a lot of it . Most everything was labeled except a few things and ready to go . I am not sure what I was doing , only that I was busy and time was passing by very quickly . I think I spent time making inventory lists - except my mouse was losing battery power so it took so much longer as it disconnected and then reconnected . By the time we were ready to leave , it was after 1 . We put things in both cars - Kathy was able to put Mom 's white chair in her car . That way Kathy would have her car when she wanted to leave . As we unpacked the cars , I realized it was getting near time to pick up Mom ; Kathy , Didi and the caretaker Judy helped unpack while I went over to pick up Mom . I was concerned about how Mom would take to the move - she had been fine with it when I told her Sunday night when she initiated the conversation . So I decided I would just take it as it came and not anticipate negativity . When I went to the Center , I couldn 't find Mom , she had gone walkabout . Apparently she gets a bit restless about that time of day and they take her for a walk around the facility . So we found each other and we went to the car . We were fine until it seemed a long time to her - she wanted to know where we were going . I told her we were going to the new home we talked about . She did seem to think it was a long way away - from West Seattle to DesMoines is a bit far . I told her Kathy was waiting for her , she had helped fix up her room . On the whole it worked out very well . I will admit to being exhausted by then , so tired I couldn 't see straight . Kathy had to leave to get some sleep because she was working all night . I stayed a bit longer , then said goodbye to Mom - they took her to see John 's cat in his room , so I don 't think she noticed I left . I was feeling a bit faint when I got home - I hadn 't had time for lunch - not a smart move . Eddie took me out to dinner and I felt better after something to eat . I thought I would go right to sleep because I was so tired - not that night . I think I was too tired to sleep plus I was uncomfortable as well . So I didn 't have much sleep that night , getting up at 4 to go with Eddie wasn 't a big deal . I was spending the day at Olympus Spa by myself and just sit and soak , have tea and lunch there . After awhile in the 104 degree pool I was feeling really good , I had trouble keeping from falling asleep . After awhile I went into the lounge room and used the foot massager for awhile on both feet - boy , that was great too . Then I went into the tea room and enjoyed some jasmine tea and lemon rooibos - sat and read - unfortunately I forgot my book in the car . That was okay , they had magazines . The next time I do it , I am going to take a notebook and write . I went back to the pool for a bit longer until it was time for lunch . One thing I noticed that concerned me , my hip scar and that area was sore - maybe too long in hot water . I had a lovely lunch the went back for a little more tea . After a bit I decided to do the foot massager again but they were all being used . I was having trouble staying awake , so I got dressed and went out for some fresh air . That helped and then went back up to the Future of Flight . I was glad to see several people up there , it has been many months since I was last there . Did called to let me know how Mom was doing , then talked to Mom - she asked if she could stay there and I told definitely she could . Then Eddie was ready to go home and I slept off and on all the way home . We had dinner and went to bed early . Now that night I slept very well . I did not expect this drag my ass tired , I figured tired but not this much . Several people have said I have had a very emotional upheaval and shift - I am not sure what all that is . To be honest , I don 't know what I feel nor does it seem to have sunk in yet . I am just going from one day to the next until I feel more rested . I 've had some days or periods when I was feeling a bit rested , then back to tired again . The last few nights I have been sleeping better - last night , not so much . Fortunately there aren 't any things that need my immediate attention and study . Rest is foremost on my agenda right now . When I went to Breakfast Club this morning , it was Moving Day for Mom to her adult family home . I had spent yesterday creating lists of what she will take and getting some things ready . Kathy came over this morning to help me choose her clothes and I got to use my permanent marking pen to put Mom 's name on the labels of her clothes . Kathy did laundry so everything was clean and ready to go . She came by yesterday afternoon to have Mom pack a suitcase so she would feel she had a part in the process . At the time Kathy left , she had some questions that I needed to ask Jas today . I called Jas and asked the questions and she answered them for me . Then she told me a situation had come up about one of the requirements from Providence . She was checking on it and would let me know . I called Denise , the social worker , to see what she knew and what was happening . I must admit , it really upset me that there was a glitch that looked as if moving wasn 't going to happen - I might even have to start from square one again . I felt like crying and Kathy said to just let it out - so I did . There is still some left but I think I got a lot of it out then . There is disappointment , let down , upset , frustration and I am not sure what the emotion is about not having my life back after all . I will admit to counting down the days and thinking last night it was the last night Mom would sleep here . Kathy suggested we go out for lunch because I needed to get out of the house . As we were leaving , Jas called and said she was going to take care of the requirement fully . I said that was great , that we could do the move next Tuesday or Wednesday when everything was verified by the social worker . That way it isn 't a hurried situation . I was thinking this morning that it was in God 's hands , whatever works . It was a little hard to remember that when the glitch surfaced . I got into a panic and thank goodness Kathy was there to calm me down and it is only a glitch . I did do a few " God help me ! " while setting an intention of surrendering , allowing and being willing . The good part about it is that we have decided what to pack for her , so that is done . I have gotten most of the items labelled , though some present a challenge . So I will have to work out how to label those in the next week or so . The other thing is that if I had to go looking again , I have a much better idea of the kind of place I want for Mom . Since all of this came to a head about noon time or later , it throws an spanner in the works for me . Sheila who assigns caregivers didn 't think she would be able to have one for tomorrow morning because it is short notice . She isn 't sure about Friday either and she will check to see if Aster can come Sunday and someone for Sunday . Also , Eddie is coming home from 3 days in Spokane , about the time Mom will come back from the Center . Two people need to be picked up and there is only one of me . So I will collect Mom from the Center tomorrow , come home and wait for Eddie to call and then the two of us will pick him up at the airport . He called late this afternoon and was very surprised when I told him the two of us would be there to pick him up . If no one shows up tomorrow , I have to be here until the van comes , but I have some business for Mom I need to take care of before my massage . And I AM NOT going to cancel my massage , I have had to cancel too many things lately to take care of things for her . This is for me and I so need it ! It has been an emotional roller coaster all day , I am ready to sleep , I just hope I can and not oversleep tomorrow . I did this morning but was still on time for Breakfast Club . Mom has been asleep since at least 6 - not sure if she will be up wandering around later or not . Yes , this too will pass . There is a purpose , a gift and a lesson in all of this , right now I am too tired to look for it . It will all reveal itself at some point . The one thing Kathy said was that I dodged a bullet . Suppose I had moved her there and she had settled in , then had to take her out because a glitch happened . That would be so much harder for Mom , I am not sure if she would transition a second time . Strangely enough , Mom hasn 't asked about moving , she kept asking where her mother is - this is something new , asking about one or both parents . Too bad I don 't have a good answer for her . I must admit , I have been dreading to day because I needed to tell Mom about the new home - I didn 't think she would be too happy about it . Yesterday I talked to Kathy on the phone about how to approach it and she gave me some very good suggestions . I had been wondering what to say and worried about how she would take the news . I realized , at least in my head , that I needed to give it all to God , my spirit guides , angels and master teachers as well as Archangel Michael to help Mom have peace . So I had to really talk to myself about it , to release all the worrying and over analyzing , to just let it all go . I truly had to put it in their hands for them to give me the words , actions , attitude , thoughts , etc . to tell Mom . I had to not only just show up and get out of the way in my head - it had to be in my heart as well . Strangely enough , I was fairly calm , though had trouble going to sleep last night . I kept thinking about Mom , the things I could say , how she might react - second guessing about things that hadn 't even happened . So I decided I needed something else to think about , so I switched to quilting - that actually did it for awhile . When I got up this morning she was very confused , asking if this was her parents house , etc . She ended up go in and out of bed 2 or 3 times - I was feeling anxious because I wanted to " get it over " . But I knew that was only for my benefit , this had to be about Mom and when the best time would be for her . So I waited until she was fully awake , dressed and had had breakfast . Then I sat her down at the dining room table to tell her . I mentioned the house she had stayed for a couple weeks and the lady there , Lucy ; not really but that didn 't matter . I told her I had found another home for her , a real house with a large yard , a place to be outside when it is nice and how pretty it is . I said the lady who owns it met her at the Center and talked to her ; thought she was sweet and made her laugh . She liked Mom so much she has invited Mom to come and live in her home . I mentioned a little dog who loves people that comes to visit and there are some other ladies there . She wanted to know when and I said on Wednesday . I feel as if I had smacked her in the face , she seemed a bit stunned . So far she isn 't angry , though she wonders how she is going to be able to do it all . I told her I would take care of it for her . I called Kathy and told her I had told her and she seemed to take it well . Kathy planned to come over and visit , bring lunch for the two of them . After I hung up , I made phone ring and pretended it was Kathy and told Mom she was coming to visit . Mom was delighted because she really likes Kathy . She stayed for about an hour or more , Aster and I were in the office talking . So far Mom hasn 't said much , maybe she is trying to process it . We 'll see what happens . Mom didn 't say anything about moving to her new home , though Monday morning when I told Helima it would be her last Monday because Mom is going to a new home , Mom seemed confused . So I just reminded her we had talked about it the day before and she just said " Oh " . Then yesterday afternoon and evening she asked if she is going somewhere and when . She seemed okay with it - I still don 't know how much has registered . Kathy is coming to help today and tomorrow - I think having her will reassure Mom . As for me , I am so tired and dragged out , I find everything takes so much energy and effort . I did go to my caregiver support group yesterday afternoon - I think I have a difficult time , but the others have so much more to deal with than I do . I did make an appointment for a massage with Debye on thursday morning , then I need to pick up Eddie in the afternoon . Friday I want to meet Charlotte and accept her generous offer of the weighted baby doll - other than that , I don 't know . At the moment I haven 't planned ahead , just want to sleep . I know things will look different when I am more rested . It is scary to realize I have to decide the direction my Mom 's life will take . It is a big responsibility and I want to do what is best for her and for us . My biggest fear is making the wrong decision about what adult family home will be her new home - I know it has to be done and I am looking for the place that is the right fit for her . The program I enrolled her in at Providence has done a great job of providing so much - a day center to interact with other people , all her medical care , supplies , help in finding a place for her , pharmacy - it is a great program . I have gone to see three adult family homes , the first was okay but had a lot of drawbacks even though the owner is known for her patience and good care of dementia patients . The second is a good potential place , still some questions to answer . The third was okay but a bit far out from us and not quite as nice as the second . However , the woman who owns it is good with dementia patients where the second is a somewhat unknown quantity . But I need to look at others and let 's face , labor Day weekend is a bit difficult to find people home . I have looked through the list and made notes , so I now have to at least drive by and see how they look . Some have a picture of the front , but not necessarily very clear or angled for a proper look . I also used the satellite photos as well , I could see fairly close and tell if they have a back yard , how big the house is , etc . This all makes me very uncomfortable , I know being uncomfortable means out of my comfort zone , stretching and learning ; I 'll be honest , I would rather have someone else do it . But it is my responsibility and I need to make sure it works for Mom . I feel as if I am between a rock and hard place - it 's getting very difficult to have her living here but it is difficult to work on the process of finding her a place to live . I get that tickle of fear in my stomach and want to be anywhere but here . Yet I know God has already created a solution that works and I am working on letting go and allowing the solution to emerge . It isn 't easy because I keep obsessing about the whole thing because I don 't want to " get it wrong " . I feel sharp pains on my left side from my spastic colitis as I think about what to do and where is best . My life would be a lot easier and less stressful with Mom in an adult family home . I can 't give her the care she needs and to be honest , I don 't have any patience left . I have to cancel my life to accommodate her or to do the things that are necessary - doesn 't leave much time for my life . My business is down the tube because of it - though the broken hip didn 't help either . She goes to the Center 4 days a week , but that doesn 't leave me a whole lot of time to do much . And if she isn 't ready for the van , as happened last week , I had to take her over - there went my day alone because I also needed to talk to the social worker . By the time I got home , I only had time for a nap . I am at the end of my energy , I am tired physically all the time and as for mentally and emotionally , I am so weary and getting close to the end of my rope . It is very energy and time consuming even with care givers here , I couldn 't do it without then . I tell them every time how much I appreciate what they do and thank them for being here - I also had quite an education when I was in rehab . I told all the caregivers thank you and how much I appreciate every thing they do . After a bit I would ask if they were tired of hearing me say it ; most often they said they weren 't tired of hearing it , it made up for those who never said anything . I have started reading a book called " Contented Dementia " , recommended to me by my caregiver counselor . Yes , I have one and we met last Wednesday . I have seen her several times , her job is to be there for me and help me understand what is happening as well as solutions to situations I don 't know how to handle . She thought this book would help me especially in understanding more about what is going on as well as how to answer some of those questions Mom asks and I don 't know how to respond . Lately , Mom has asked about my Dad and was really upset and unhappy when I told he was gone - it was as if she had not heard the news before . Wow ! does that make me feel terrible ! She now asks where her parents are , so I am learning to say they are here . If she asks where they are , I tell her they a far away . She has asked me where my mother is - the first time I told her she is my mother . You would have thought I had hit with a cattle prod because she looked so shocked . Now I have learned to say my mother is at home . If Mom asks where , I just say she lives close by . Yesterday morning when my Mom got up , she asked me who she is . It happened a couple of weeks ago and it really surprised me . I know she doesn 't always know who I am , but she has always known who she was . She is the most confused in the morning when she wakes up ; later in the morning it is better but not always . The other thing she said was she didn 't think she was in the right place - where the right place I have no clue . I told this is her place right now and after going through a couple of times , she seemed okay . At least she didn 't do her " never mind , forget it " routine . There have been days when she seems to have one foot in this world and one in the next world , what my sister Candy calls the thin places . Every day Mom goes more and more into the thin places - she wants so much to be on the other side with Dad , Josie the cat and her family - she is scared they really aren 't there . My friend Monty told me they are preparing a place for Mom and because she will be confused at the beginning , she will have guides to help her through the transition . I have told her this , she wants to believe it so much but I don 't know what scares her so much . I have watched this very independent ( and stubborn ) woman become so tentative and afraid , asking permission to do anything . She once said she used up all her courage to fly from Connecticut to California to marry my Dad right after Pearl Harbor . I wonder if that was really true . What I also realize is that is one of my childhood programs . We were always taught to ask permission first before doing anything - except my younger sister was the one who at time would announce she had done such and so . Where did that come from ? How did I miss that ? I definitely was brought up to be a good girl , follow the rules , ask permission , etc . No wonder I have had a hard time trusting myself and following my heart . I didn 't listen to my heart because it was different from what I learned at home . Let 's face it , I wanted to be accepted , acceptable while not having the courage of my convictions . Ye Gods & Little Fishes ! At 65 I am still that way in some things but I am breaking out of my shell and taking risks . Well , risks for me . I also notice how negative Mom has become . She doubts everything and is convinced the worst possible scenario will come to pass . She just left for a walk with the new caregiver and I said she didn 't need to take the house key , that I would be here and the house would be open . She doesn 't think so . Not sure what she thinks will happen but I suspect having the door key makes her feel more secure . I am not going to try to persuade her to leave the key here , it isn 't going to make a difference but she will feel better having it . I have grown up with that negativity from the time I can remember , but it has intensified so much the past few years . I really see now how much I have absorbed that thinking for most of my life , now I am finally much more aware and recognize more often . No , it 's isn 't all the time but I have also changed my thinking . In the morning before I get out of bed , I thank and give gratitude to God , my Spirit Guides , Angels and Master Teachers for all I have been blessed with - comfortable and uncomfortable . I will admit it isn 't whole - hearted yet - those uncomfortable ones aren 't quite there yet . I am a work in progress . I also notice Mom tends to mumble and talk about things that make no sense , not even sure they make sense to her . More and more I don 't know what she is trying to say , only that she gets frustrated and upset she can 't get the words out . Then she goes straight to " never mind , it doesn 't matter ! " . She talks about other people in the house , I don 't know if they live here or just visit or if she sees them or only senses them . She is confused a lot about who I am , yesterday she thought I was her sister . She thinks Eddie is her father , my father , her husband - I wonder if it is because he is the only male she sees consistently . When I saw Dr . Cheryl , my chiropractor - she is a post in itself - on Monday , she asked about my week and I ended up talking to her about Mom . I said Mom was scared about leaving this life and going on to the next step - she wants so much to believe Dad and Josie are there waiting for her but is afraid it isn 't really true . Cheryl suggested I make a story about the transition , with colors , smells , sounds , etc . Then tell it to Mom and see if that would make her less scared . My first thought was " What in the world would I create ? " . Not quite the usual response " No , I can 't do that " . Strangely enough I pictured the ocean and a beach with a huge pile of rocks that looked as if she would have to climb them all in order to reach Dad and Josie at the end of the beach way in the distance . As I began thinking more about it , I pictured her warm and comfortable in her bed , the covers making her feel cosy and secure . Then a golden presence comes to fill and surround her with deep , unconditional love and a knowing she is loved because she is . There are two guides to help her with her confusion , gently guiding her to being fully awake and knowing the golden presence is real . ( I was listening to the radio an few days later and someone mentioned the rainbow bridge , so I added that to it . ) As they take her hand , Mom is feeling a little less scared and the three of them slowly move through the white light to the rainbow bridge . On the other side of the bridge - that transition to the paragraph below hasn 't quite materialized yet . Any suggestions are certainly welcome ! Then Mom and her guides are on the beach with the ocean waves hitting the sand , a very soothing and relaxing sound Mom is noticing as she has been walking that she fees lighter , her body is beginning to be more comfortable and the depression has started to clear . She hears the gulls crying above , flying in circles above her looking for food and enjoying the feeling of soaring . The sun is warm on her back and the white clouds above look like huge puffy cotton balls . A lovely cool breeze ruffles her hair and she finds herself enjoying feelings she had forgotten had existed . She sees rocks coming up - a huge pile with sharp edges that looked as if she would have to climb them all in order to reach the other part of the beach where Dad and Josie are waiting for her way in the distance . I thought of the rocks as a sort of maze , that her guides would take her to the rocks and instead of climbing over them , there was an opening no one else could see , that took her on a lovely sandy path through the rocks . The sand sparkled as if it was made of diamonds and at each bend in the maze was a corner with a wonderful glow , each a different color . There would be something there that when she picked it up , she would know one more piece of the puzzle . With each piece , she would become more sure of herself and the way to meet Dad and Josie - that it is all true and not just a yearning . That 's it so far . One Friday I went out to sit on the porch and enjoy the evening sunshine - Mom came out with me for awhile . I had my eyes closed because I was facing the sun ; behind my eyelids the light was glowing yellow / white , but it wasn 't harsh , it was gentle and lovely . Some how the subject came up about making the transition , so I said I had made up a story about it - just how I pictured it . So I told her - not as much detailed as I have written here because it is work in progress - how it came to me and she thought I had a wonderful imagination . Whether any of it stuck with her , I have no idea , it just felt as if God had given me an opportunity and maybe there will be another one so I can add the details . Who knows , it is always one minute at a time , one step at a time no matter how impatient I am . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Daughter called me several times this morning , teary , anxious , and wanting me to come get her . I gave her the usual pep talk and offered coping suggestions . I think the real issue was that Program Manager wasn 't there today . She mentioned that several times in both of my conversations with her . . Program Manager called late in the day , and she had been told Daughter had done well . They 're going to use the extra staff to do things with the men , thus getting them away from Daughter . We don 't want Daughter to receive extra attention for being difficult . . Daughter has had a rough evening since she came home . She has a low tolerance for frustration , and has been on edge and angry . She hasn 't been able to find her glasses , which is also a problem . . I didn 't get my walk this morning because it was raining . Tomorrow I 'll go the mall if it 's raining - - it 's been harder to stay off her roller coaster without the morning walk and prayer time . Tomorrow will be a better day . Posted by Two people have quit Daughter 's program because of her outbursts . A number of others are very disturbed by them . Program Manager asked Case Manager to look at options . Case Manager has asked for additional staffing until Daughter is more stable . This would enable them to pull Daughter out of the larger group for smaller group activities or one on one time . . I 'm glad the options we are exploring don 't involve kicking Daughter out of the program . I pointed out that it would be important to find the right person to work with her , as the wrong person could escalate things . We hope that the medication changes will work quickly . We hope . I didn 't give her the sleeping pill last night ( her choice ) . When I went to bed , she was asleep . I took off her glasses and turned off her light . When I got up to go the bathroom , she was asleep , but her light was back on . This morning she 's trying to convince me she can 't go to her program . She says she doesn 't feel good - - she can 't stay awake . She 's going to her program . Hopefully she 'll feel better once she gets moving . If she sleeps when she gets to her program , they can enjoy a day of peace . . . . Electrical Guy stopped by my study this morning with bad news . He 'd tracked down locks Daughter wouldn 't be able to pick , but they would cost about $ 100 each and I need 4 of them . As I pondered options , he said he had someplace else he was going to check . Several hours later he handed me a bag containing 4 locks and a bill for $ 87 . He handed them to me as I was talking to Property Guys , who were downstairs painting the new Gathering Room . We decided that I would try to install them , and if I couldn 't do it , I 'd call the Property Guy who was at the top of the rotation of my " call when there 's a problem " list . . I picked Daughter up from program today to see Therapist . A second person has quit the program now because they can 't handle her outbursts . Program Manager thinks I 'm so nice to PM so she won 't kick Daughter out of the program . I am realistic , and realize that they can 't keep her in the program if she 's driving others away . PM sent an email to Case Manager asking her to explore options - - even if it 's short term while we wait for her to respond to the medication adjustments . She copied me on it . I asked if there is a day treatment program Daughter could attend for a while . . She lasted less than 2o minutes with Therapist today . Therapist had received a heads up from Program Manager that things were rough right now , and asked for suggestions for helping Daughter cope . Therapist told me that Daughter hadn 't been able to process anything they were talking about . I brought her home , and she slept while I fixed supper and worked on locks . After about 90 minutes of sleeping , she woke up more coherent and happier . I have managed to remove the old locks and install the new ones . In the picture above , the bottom two locks are new , and the top cupboards have the old system . I 've replaced them all now . The Property Guys will be impressed that I figured it out on my own . . She had her first new antipsychotic with supper tonight . I hope it 's a miracle drug ! Daughter did a good job of expressing her feelings . Program Manager and I described what we 've seen and the paranoia and rapid mood changes . I 'm to call her nurse every Friday to report on how she is responding to the medication changes . She has been assigned a nurse now . Unfortunately , it 's one who doesn 't impress Program Manager . We 'll see how it works . I have other contacts I can use to get Daughter what she needs . . I do like this psychiatrist . We should see improvement in a day or two . Of course , I then went to the pharmacy to get her prescriptions filled , and they don 't carry the anti - psychotic , so we won 't be able to start that until tomorrow . She will sleep tonight , though , and she 'll get additional lithium tomorrow morning . Hopefully those will make a difference . I told Daughter she was going to begin feeling better tomorrow . We 'll see how the power of suggestion works with her . . . . This afternoon Daughter sees the psychiatrist . We 've survived . I hope that the psychiatrist will give her what she needs to get back on track . Daughter is very anxious about the appointment . She says she 's afraid she 'll never be herself again . Case Manager and Program Manager both speak very highly of this psychiatrist , so I 'm more optimistic . It 's going to break up my day - - her appointment is as 2 : 15 , but it will be worth the disruption to get her back on track . . The property guys are going to be at the church painting today , and I have a committee meeting this evening . I 'm hoping to get some worship planning done . Next week will be a short week because of Labor Day , and it will be a busy week with kick off of fall program that Sunday , so the more I can get done this week the less stressed I 'll be next week . . In a moment of optimism , I signed us up to work concessions at a college football game this coming weekend . The church has staffed a concession booth at the university stadium for a number of years . We didn 't get involved last year , but we will give it a try this year . In response to terrorism concerns , security is now very tight at the stadium . We had to go through background checks before we could work . One of the issues the concessions people haven 't figured out yet is what to do about people who need to bring diabetic supplies into the stadium . I understand the need to keep everyone safe , but banning all purses and fanny packs is a problem for people who need a glucose meter , insulin , and immediate access to snacks in order to survive . Right now they think we may have to go to one entrance to get our credentials and then walk around the stadium to another entrance that is designated for special needs in order to take Daughter 's diabetes supplies into the stadium . . I 'm trying to be patient with this . Part of the issue is that this is the first football game where they 've had to deal with the new rules from the feds . Life is challenging enough with Daughter , though , without them making things more difficult than they need to be in the name of security . . I hope that the psychiatrist will have her more stable by game time . She also will not be allowed to take her ipod into the stadium . She uses that when she 's stressed to escape and calm down . The man who is getting me the locks told me that there is a storage shed that doesn 't have food in it where she can go escape if she needs to get away . It may take lots of prayers to get us through the game . It may be the only one I sign up for this year ! No matter how wonderfully patient I am and how creatively I try to get certain lessons across to Daughter , I can 't control the lessons she learns through my efforts . This morning it seems to me that the lesson she is learning is how to be sneakier . It doesn 't stop me from figuring things out , but it does slow me down . . I sometimes think it 's become a game as she tries to see how long it will take me to figure out that once again , she 's breaking the house rules . She 's now looking for the empty CD cases in the rack . That 's even sneakier - - put the empty CD cases back , and I won 't even notice they are missing until I want to listen to one of them . . I 'll keep on teaching . I just wish I had some hope that eventually she 'd learn the lessons I intend for her to learn . Posted by The first meltdown came because I told Daughter we weren 't going to a movie today , but that if she cooperated I 'd take her tomorrow afternoon . I told her if she got her bedroom cleaned ( which she had promised to do yesterday ) I 'd consider taking her shopping this afternoon . Yup , that was the cause of a screaming , threatening , door slamming , wall beating , item throwing meltdown . It took less than 20 minutes for her to recover this time . She came out and apologized , and went downstairs for some boxes . She wants to clear some things out of her room to be donated . . One of the things she was screaming about as she went to her room was doctors messing with her body . She 's really angry with the psychiatrist about the rapid cycling . It will be interesting to see if she expresses that anger to her on Monday . I 've been working in the kitchen today . I made blueberry pancakes and sausage for breakfast , and now I 'm going to cook some turkey Italian sausage on the grill for lunches this week . We 'll have the Italian sausage with corn on the cob for lunch or supper today . . Before the meltdown Daughter begged me to allow her to sing her solo tomorrow . I reminded her that we had decided to wait until she was more stable . I told her that if she was doing better , she could sing next weekend . That satisfied her . She is frustrated by her behavior . She 's constantly apologizing . She told Program Manager yesterday that she just wants to be herself again . I want that , too . Posted by It 's a beautiful day today , and 'd love to go to a festival or something . The challenge is finding and activity that is fun and doesn 't overwhelm Daughter . To help her hold it together , she can 't be bored or overstimulated . Either of those could be a recipe for disaster . . We had a minor meltdown at bedtime yesterday . She was sleeping on her bedroom floor because her bed was wet . I made her get up and put the linens in the washing machine ( the room was beginning to smell ) . The bed wetting is way down , and when it happens we handle it the same as we always have : take a shower and wash your linens . I don 't react in any way . She doesn 't need to hide it , and I 'm going to find out eventually , anyway . . I think I 'll start the day by making her a big breakfast . That 's always a good way to start the day . We 'll go from there with our plans for the day . Posted by Daughter is trying so hard to hold it together right now , but she can 't . She does well for a while , and then she blows . There doesn 't have to be a trigger , she just has a meltdown . She had an uncontrollable crying spell at program today . There was no trigger , and she doesn 't know why she did it . Program Manager had her stay back and watch movies and take a nap this afternoon . Daughter was very apologetic after the meltdown . When she got home , we walked through the park to the mall for supper . After supper , we wandered through a few stores . She then got mad and stormed off . There wasn 't a trigger , she just couldn 't hold it together any longer . When I finally got her to talk to me , she was mad at me for taking her out in public - - she was embarrassed to have anyone see her in that state . As we were walking home she decided she wanted to stop at the library and see if they had a DVD she wanted . She was delighted to see a church member in the parking lot . I stood and talked to the member ( who had been there all day running a used book sale ) while Daughter went in and got the DVD . . She was pleasant and apologetic after we got home . It 's hard living in her head right now . My goal is to get her through to her appointment Monday afternoon . She had signed up to sing a solo on Sunday , but Administrative Assistant and I decided she wasn 't stable enough to handle it . Surprisingly , she didn 't object very much . It would have been hard on her , and I think she realizes that we were taking care of her . . I 'm going to keep the weekend as quiet as I can for her . We may go to a movie tomorrow afternoon , but that will be about it for excitement . Posted by Daughter had difficulty falling asleep last night . She had difficulty sleeping through the night . She was up and dressed long before I was this morning . I watched her sit at the breakfast table holding her head . " My head won 't stop talking to me ! " She is in so much pain right now . . She broke into the pantry last night , so her blood sugar was high this morning . She repeated her desire to die . About the time I began to wonder if I should see about getting her admitted to the psych unit , she got up and wrote a speech of apology she wants to read at her program today . She is feeling so guilty because she knows her behavior and outbursts are hurting people . She just can 't stop them right now . . Occasionally I wonder if she should be on psychiatric meds . This week I have no doubts . My child is in pain and it 's so hard to watch . I just hope I can keep her safe at home until her appointment Monday . Tonight I will give her things to look forward to this weekend , hoping that will keep her going and as cooperative as she is capable of being , given the storm going on inside her head . Posted by Daughter continues to struggle . She is cycling from happy to angry to deeply depressed many times each day . We got her an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist Monday afternoon . This evening I wondered if I should be taking her to the ER . She told me she wanted to be raped and murdered . . She was angry because Program Manager and I were texting today . PM was asking me how to handle various situations . Daughter accused me of hating her and of plotting against her . When she managed to calm down , she was able to hear me explain that we were trying to keep her safe as she struggled through a very hard time . . She has told me repeatedly she doesn 't know why she 's acting this way , and she doesn 't like herself right now . It 's hard , watching her struggle like this . PM texted me that the cycling was so rapid - - she couldn 't imagine what it must be like to live in her head right now . I agree . I hope the psychiatrist can work miracles on Monday . I hope I can keep Daughter home until Monday . . Case Manager still doesn 't fully understand , but we think she 's beginning to see a bit more of the challenges Daughter is dealing with . Daughter called Case Manager yesterday and insisted she was ready for a job and her own apartment and wanted to get her driver 's license and car . CM wondered if she should make a referral to a job coach . I told her I really didn 't think that was a good idea right now . . I keep explaining to Daughter that she had to learn the alphabet before she could read , and to walk before she could run , and she needs to learn to be responsible for her own safety before she can take on the safety of others . Yesterday she wanted to call the camp she was at this summer so she could get a job as a camp counselor right away . She was furious when I wouldn 't give her the phone number . . Once she calmed down she came outside and swept . I mowed and edged the lawn this afternoon and evening , so there was much to sweep up . She eventually did a halfway decent job of it . . I 'm not bringing my computer home most nights , and I 'm not having time to blog when I 'm in the office . I like the way my new schedule is working . Daughter gets on the bus about 6 : 35 , and by 6 : 45 I 'm out the door for a 3 mile walk . I get home and head into the church , getting there between 8 : 30 and 9 : 00 . I 'm trying to get home about 4 : 00 , so I have time to do some chores and start supper before Daughter gets home between 5 : 00 and 5 : 15 . Many nights I 'm sitting out on the porch to welcome her home . Without the computer to distract me , I 'm getting more done around the house in the evening . Occasionally I bring home a book or notebook so I can do some reading or writing in the evening . . Currently I only have evening commitments on Monday , but once September rolls around , it will be 3 - 4 nights a week . I 'm looking forward to our fall program . I think it will be fun . . Daughter has been crying out for attention this week in a variety of different ways . She has complained of harassment , tremendous pain in her hand , dizziness , and a variety of other things . My mantra has become , " I have confidence in your ability to handle it . " I was sitting on the porch waiting for her when she got home last night . She walked up the steps sobbing because her hand hurt so much . The previous evening , I had carefully examined her hand . There was no swelling or redness , and no tender spots as I examined it . She hasn 't had an injury . Her description of the pain keeps changing . She insisted that she had to see a doctor . " It 's nothing bad . I 'm just remembering when you were real little . Sometimes I 'd pick you up from daycare and you 'd complain about hurts no one could see . I finally realized that you had big feelings that you couldn 't talk about , and these injuries were your way of saying you were hurting and needed attention . It 's important to learn how to express those big feelings . " She didn 't acknowledge this was what she was doing . She didn 't express her feelings , but she did stop complaining about her hand . She turned down the time and attention I offered her in the evening , saying she preferred to be alone . . Our week is off to a good start . Daughter was up and showered when I got up at 5 : 00 this morning . She unloaded the dishwasher without any prompting from me . She was happy this morning . She does seem to be improving on a daily basis . . It is a beautiful cool morning , and I walked 3 miles before coming into the church . Today I listened to sermon podcasts on the way out , and on the way back I prayed and planned my day . I liked the way that worked , so hopefully will be able to continue that pattern . . This is going to be a very busy week , and I 'm looking forward to it . I have a great deal to accomplish today , so I 'm going to use the timer on my cell phone to help me stay focused and move from task to task . The property guys are supposed to be coming in this morning to begin work on our new prayer / meeting room . I 'm excited about seeing the finished room and beginning to use it . Their presence , though , will be another distraction . Hopefully the timer will help me maintain my focus . . There is a hint of fall in the air . A few trees have begun to change color , and the temperature is dropping into the 50 's at night . Today 's high was only going to be 74 , so I opened all the windows . There are lots of trees in my neighborhood , so I 'm enjoying the sound of the wind in the trees and the breeze coming in the windows . I can hear the birds and the neighbor kids playing touch football . I love fall . . After worship today Daughter and I went out to eat , again sharing a meal . From there we went to the farmer 's market , and then the grocery store . By the time we got to the grocery store , we both were experiencing some major intestinal discomfort . We finished quickly and came home . Daughter took off her dress , put on her nightgown and went to bed . I called the woman who was going to go to the nursing home for worship with us this afternoon and asked her to handle the service . I was grateful for her willingness to step in on very short notice . Daughter slept all afternoon , but is now up and had some supper . I 'm grateful that are suffering was limited to one end , and didn 't last very long . I don 't think we 'll be going back to that restaurant anytime soon . . . . In October I moved Daughter 's prescriptions to a local pharmacy . I have been going there at least once a month ever since to pick up her prescriptions . This month , for the first time , they were all done properly . They 'd done split billing on all of them . They had sufficient quantities of each medication on hand to completely fill the prescriptions . It was nice . It only took them 11 tries to get it right . . . . . At supper time I pointed out to Daughter that she seemed to be doing better today . All experienced RAD moms know what happened next : a major meltdown . I 've been at it 21 years and still haven 't figure that out . I 'm grateful the pharmacy isn 't as slow as I am . . . . Yesterday evening I explained to Daughter my theory that part of her problem was that it was a year ago that we were getting ready to move , and suggested that her body remembered how nervous she was , and that she needed to tell her body we aren 't moving again . I told her I 'm staying in this house until they carry me out feet first . " Do you know what that means ? " I could see her begin to relax . Today she 's a little less volatile . We still have some mood swings , but they aren 't as frequent or as extreme . I reminded her to tell her body we aren 't moving again . I told her that each day she was going to feel a little bit better . Her sense of humor is returning . Most Saturdays a woman from the church comes with her dog and picks Daughter up to go walk in a park . Every week Daughter informs me she 's not walking this week . Every week she goes and has a good time . She needed fasting blood work this morning , so as we were headed to the lab ( followed by breakfast out , of course ) , I told her that she would be picked up to go walking . I could see her winding up . " Now it 's your turn to say the line you say every week . " I watched as she struggled not to laugh . Eventually she managed to say , " I 'm not walking today . " She was grinning as she said it . " Darn . I tried so hard to say it with a straight face . " We didn 't have the usual breakfast battle with her wanting the highest carb item on the menu . This restaurant has 5 egg omelets , and they come with hash browns and two pancakes . She readily agreed to split a meal with me . She came home and started on the bathroom , and this afternoon we 're going to go to a movie . I 'm relenting and we are going to be Smurfed . . . . . Daughter 's anxiety continues to be sky high , and today I realized that one year ago at this time we were getting ready to move . It was on August 22 that the congregation officially voted to call me to serve as their pastor . We had placed an offer on this house . Tonight I 'm going to talk to Daughter about what was going on a year ago . I 'm also going to assure her that we 're not moving again . I 'm going to talk to her about the good things that came from the move . Hopefully if we talk about these things , her anxiety will decrease . Hopefully . Posted by Daughter is now off the antidepressant , and she 's depressed . Lots of tears , lots of apologies . Last night she said , " I 'm just miserable . " I think that was an accurate reflection of where she is . " I just want to feel normal again . " I keep hoping they will develop a blood test or something to determine what brain chemicals need fixing . . Today her program is going to a lake . She 's convinced she won 't be safe there . I did everything I could to reassure her , and sent her off . It 's even more important that I have a break when she 's just volatile . I 've invited Brother and his family , and there were two possible dates . One was tomorrow . I put it off to September , in the hopes that she 'll be a little bit more stable . Today I went over to Daughter 's program at lunch time and did an in - service with the staff about her diabetes . I explained why we do things the way we do things . I explained that she has type 1 , not type 2 , and it is different . I explained that it is immediately life threatening and the dangers of low blood sugars and high blood sugars . They were very attentive . The one who never stops talking was silent . The others asked questions . I took them a page and a half of information , and had copies for each of them . They asked for an extra copy . When the new staff member starts , I will go back and repeat the training . Daughter was very difficult this morning . She was anxious about me talking to staff . She chose to sit in on the meeting . She left as we were winding down , and then came back in and had a melt down . She ended up kneeling beside me with her head in my lap sobbing . That is the position she assumes when she wants me to comfort her . But then she got up , pulled herself together , and stayed for the rest of the day . I took her to a Chinese restaurant tonight . I mowed the lawn . She did some trimming and edging , and is now finishing up the sweeping . She tried to convince me it was my turn to sweep and she 'd done her share . I informed her that next week she could do all the mowing and I 'd trim and edge and sweep . She immediately backed down , and insisted she 'd just been teasing and had never meant it . It was amusing , watching her try to clarify . She was horrified by the thought of mowing . Posted by Today I woke up and heard thunder . I 've walked 3 miles the last 3 mornings , so I 'm now trying to figure out what I 'm going to do if I can 't walk this morning . The morning walk has become very important to me . I listen to sermon podcasts , pray , and enjoy nature . Yesterday I saw 8 deer while I was walking . I 'm feeling very grateful to live so close to a wonderful park and walking trail . . One of the things that has surprised and pleased me is how much closer I feel to nature since moving from Tiny Village to Capital . Tiny Village was surrounded by farm land . It was flat and trees were few and far between . It was hard to grill or eat outside because of all the flies that were attracted by the huge livestock operations nearby . . Tuesday evening I grilled corn and hamburgers and we sat on the patio to eat . I sat there looking around my yard feeling very blessed to be here . I love my yard , my home , and the church I am fortunate enough to be serving . . I want to walk today , so I 've checked out the information about the walking club at the mall between here and the church . I 've been walking at 6 : 45 . The mall opens for walkers at 7 : 00 . That will work . Another blessing . Posted by A couple of weeks ago I took Daughter to the doctor . I came out with orders for blood work in 3 months and a medical form I need to submit as part of the process for getting her an out of home placement . I placed it on the back seat of the car , directly behind the driver 's seat . I don 't remember what was going on , but I didn 't remove it immediately , figuring it would be safe there . . Several days later , when I went to get it , it wasn 't there . I figured I 'd already brought it in the house , except it wasn 't in the usual places . I asked Daughter , and she went out and checked the car and couldn 't find it . I checked my briefcase . I looked in my study at the church . I didn 't do an all out search , because I was afraid that I wouldn 't be able to find it . As long as I didn 't look , I could pretend like I hadn 't really lost it . ( I know , I never said I was logical . ) I began thinking about what I would tell the medical assistant when I called to request the paperwork again . . Today , I was getting my briefcase out of the car , and decided to look again . I saw a piece of paper under the passenger 's front seat . I reached over and grabbed it . There was the paper work , just like I remembered it . Now all I have to do is fill it out and send it in . The lab order will join the other 2 that are posted on the refrigerator door . To say I 'm relieved would be an understatement . . . . That 's one less thing on my stress list ! I got a text message from Program Manager yesterday . Daughter has become very bossy at her program , to the point that one individual quit the program rather than deal with her . She wanted my insight and suggestions before she talked to Daughter . I told her that Daughter gets controlling when she doesn 't feel safe , so she needed the reassurance that staff was there to keep everybody safe and she could relax . When Daughter got home last night she was quite subdued . Gradually the story came out about her conversation with PM . As we talked , I began to understand much of what 's been going on . This morning a series of emails with Program Manager provided additional insight . . In keeping with Kari 's wisdom , we will address the need , not the behavior . Daughter does not feel safe at her program . She doesn 't think the staff understands her diabetes . At least once she raised a concern with a staff member about the way she was handling her insulin , and her concern was dismissed . I have worked hard to teach her that it is her body and her disease and she has a voice she can use to advocate for herself . She tried to advocate for herself , and felt dismissed . When her program was at the church , she knew that most of the time either Administrative Assistant or I was upstairs , and that we would keep her safe . There were a couple of times when something happened to trigger her PTSD , and she tore up the stairs looking for me . Once I wasn 't here , but AA was able to give her the support she needed . She doesn 't have the security of knowing we are upstairs any more . . When Daughter doesn 't feel safe , she tries to control everyone and everything , so that contributes to her being bossy . The other issue is that she is still struggling with mania and is very much on edge . Little things annoy her , and today she was trying to get people to stop doing those things . I got word today that the Psychiatrist said I can stop the antidepressant completely now , so I will . Hopefully that will help with the mania . Tomorrow I 'm going to go over and train the staff on Daughter 's diabetes . They 've been trained by the nurse , but they need to understand Daughter and her needs around her diabetes . . PM and I had talked about this a couple of weeks ago , but she wanted to wait until a new staff member was on board . Today we decided we couldn 't wait for the new staff member , we had to act now . I 'm hoping that the training I provide staff will help her feel safer . I hope she responds quickly to the elimination of the antidepressant . I hope that by addressing the needs , the behavior will stop . Posted by Yesterday Daughter didn 't call all day . I received a few texts from Program Manager , who was dealing with the hurt feelings of the men who Daughter had been getting together with and dumping on Saturday . She said Daughter was finding it uncomfortable to be around them , and they 'd talked about it . I enjoyed having a day without any phone calls . . I was pondering whether this meant she was coping well when she walked in the door . Her first words were to comment on supper , which I was cooking . Her second words were , " Have you seen my cell phone ? " It explained why she hadn 't called . I 'm viewing it as a gift from God . I confiscated her phone last night when I caught her playing on it when she should have been sleeping . I didn 't get it back to her this morning . . . . Last night she told woman that she 'd been really bad , " but Mom changed my medication and now I 'm feeling much better . " I think she is doing better . That 's another gift . Posted by Daughter was definitely calmer yesterday . I hope that means she will respond quickly to a reduction in her anti - depressant . She was very cooperative when we served the meal at the shelter . I had her start dishing up fruit before we started serving the people . She moves slowly , so she was far enough ahead when we started serving that she never felt overwhelmed and slowed down . I 'm going to go out for a walk and then drive to the church . Part of taking better care of myself is not spending as many hours at the church - - I had been getting to the church at 7 : 00 most mornings . On Mondays , when I typically have evening meetings , it made for a very long day . . . . Psychiatrist increased Daughter 's anti - depressant last time we saw her , with the warning that if this was rapid cycling , it would make things worse . I think we have our answer : this is rapid cycling . Daughter had another very rough day yesterday . She told me she needs help . She is having a difficult time finishing anything . Any thing can set her off . She 's all over the place with moods and decisions . She must have called one guy multiple times yesterday after ignoring his calls for several days . She told him they could be friends . Later in the day she decided he 'd hung up on her and wasn 't showing her respect , so she called and left an angry voice mail telling him they couldn 't be friends anymore . At some point his parents got involved . I don 't know the details and don 't want to know the details . I know that tomorrow contact will be made with Psychiatrist to begin weaning her off the antidepressant . I already backed her off to the original dose this morning . I hope that we will see quick improvement . . Today was my first Sunday back in the pulpit . I really struggled with God on this sermon , because the Holy Spirit was taking it places I didn 't want to go . I was late going to bed and then did not sleep very well . I 'm sure there were some people who didn 't like what I said - - I mentioned politics and took both liberals and conservatives to task . I also addressed an issue that threatens to split our denomination . A number of people were very effusive in their praise , including a retired pastor who was traveling in the area . He told me he 'd be here weekly if he lived in the area . He was glad to hear me taking on the headlines . . It will be interesting to see if I get any complaints . It was good to back . I enjoyed my time off , and I am enjoying being back in the swing of things . Now I need to get ready to go serve lunch at the shelter . Daughter has done pretty well so far today . Hopefully that will continue . Posted by Yesterday afternoon while I was painting , Daughter asked if she could go inside and clean the bathroom she had been avoiding . I told her it was a wonderful idea , and I was concerned for her safety . She assured me she would keep herself safe from food . I allowed her to go inside to clean . Of course , she didn 't clean ( she did get two rags and the window cleaner into the bathroom , but that was it ) . . At bedtime last night she needed her night time insulin and a snack , so she once again apologized . I suggested she demonstrate that she was sorry by putting the clean dishes away . She informed me she was too tired . I guess watching me paint and dozing in a chair are pretty exhausting . . After she was in bed , I discovered that not only did she not clean the bathroom , she also had failed to keep herself safe . She got through one lock and found any food she could squeeze out with the cable lock still in place . This morning I asked her to bring me all the empty food containers from her room . She brought out 2 empty baked chip bags and an empty chow mein noodle can . . I dropped her off at the church to clean with Administrative Assistant , and confiscated her house key . I told her if she got home before I finished at the grocery store , she could wait on the porch for me . When she got home ( after I did , fortunately ) , she told me she was going to make today a better day . I told her I was glad , and asked her to do the bathroom . She didn 't like that . She 's apparently planning to make today a better day without being responsible . I told her that Sister had texted and asked us to meet her at an outlet mall today , but I 'd declined , because we had storms inside and outside today . Daughter went ballistic . She accused me of lying . I didn 't tell Sister the truth . I asked her what the truth was . " I 'm not showing you any respect and I 'm treating you like crap ! " With that , she stormed off to her bedroom screaming and hitting walls . I 'm working in the kitchen and listening to sermon podcasts . She will be out to apologize soon , as it 's getting close to lunch time . I told her several times this morning that I love her . I told her I was sorry I wasn 't keeping her safe . Her blood sugars were in the normal range yesterday even with all the extra food , so I must be giving her too much insulin - - or she 's taking extra insulin . The problem is , I can 't figure out where I 'm making my mistake without all the information - - like what food she 's eating . . Daughter is good at apologizing . She 's got the words down . Today I spent over 5 hours painting our privacy fence while she sat and watched , or dozed . The fence is a shadow box fence , which made it a challenge to paint . I was able to use a roller on one side of each board , but the alternating boards and support structure all required tedious work with a brush . Mine was a bit more challenging than the one in the picture because the support structure is between the boards . Actually , I guess it 's not fair to say she watched or dozed off . She pulled a few weeds , and she painted about 12 inches of one fence board . She went into the house to clean the bathrooms , but didn 't do them . She probably only sat for 4 1 / 2 hours . . She apologized when she wanted to get a snack , asking if she could go check her blood sugar . She was quite disappointed when her blood sugar was 107 , because it meant she didn 't need a snack . Of course , she wasn 't sorry enough to get up and do something to help , she was just sorry enough to try for a snack . When I finally finished the fence , I was tired and sore . After I showered , Daughter immediately asked for supper . I asked Daughter to please do the bathrooms she 'd promised to do earlier in the day first . That made her mad , so she went to her room to pout . Eventually , of course , she got hungry . So , she came out and apologized . She had to apologize so I 'd feed her . Unfortunately , I had to get up and feed her , even though it hurts to move . She can 't get her own food because I have to keep things locked up . I can 't let her go hungry because of the diabetes . She was sorry long enough to get me to dish up some left over chicken macaroni salad for her . She wasn 't sorry enough to be pleasant or cooperative . She did get a lecture about how I 'm sick of apologies designed to get her something , and how frustrating it is that I have no choice , I have to take care of her , even when she 's being terrible to me . . After supper she plopped down on the couch so I could see how unhappy she is because I 'm so mean to her . I told her if she wasn 't going to take care of her responsibilities , she should go to her bedroom . So she is back in her bedroom , probably curled up on her bed pouting . We talked briefly about her fears while I was painting , but right now she doesn 't want to solve any problems , she wants to feel abused . She 's mad at me because I won 't take her out shopping tonight . . My original plan was to give the fence two coats of paint . My new plan is to go back and do touch ups to those areas that I missed . I 'm hoping after a good night 's sleep I 'll feel good enough to plant the flowers I have waiting tomorrow . First , though , I 'll need to do laundry , and I 'll probably end up cleaning the bathrooms because they 're bothering me and I 'm tired of trying to get Daughter to do them . Posted by Yesterday I walked to church in the morning ( just over 2 miles ) , and walked home to get my car at lunch time . I prayed and listened to sermon podcasts as I walked . When I got home last night I mowed the lawn . I 'm quite proud of all the exercise I got yesterday . . We 're beginning today at the church because I needed to open up for a training that the agency that provides Daughter 's program is doing here . We allow non - profits the use of our building for events when it is available . Because of the training , Daughter will be with me all day . She 's folding church brochures in the office . I view these events as an opportunity to promote the church , so we make sure that we have information available for anyone who might be interested . Yesterday we made a new insert promoting our fall program to put in the brochure . . When Administrative Assistant arrives , we will head to the home improvement store to get more paint for the fence . I want to finish painting the privacy fence today , and then I 'm going to plant some flowers and ground cover one of the saints brought me yesterday evening . I 'm looking forward to spending most of the day in the yard . I 'm hoping I can get the sermon done while I 'm here at the church this morning , though with all the assistance the Program group is needing , that may not happen . . Daughter continues to be challenging , but it doesn 't get to me as much when I 'm getting exercise . She 's dumped another boyfriend for a new one who is the " best one ever . " We 'll see how long this one lasts . Hopefully the men in her program will figure out that she 's not a good prospect and avoid her soon . I 'm refusing to get pulled into the drama , so I 'm hearing less about it . Posted by 1 . I stopped at the store on my way to the church rather than on the way home . It 's much easier to get in and out quickly at 8 : 00 than 4 : 00 . 2 . I came in and sat with AA to set dates for shut - in visits for the rest of the month . We also looked at the work flow for the month . It was a productive day . 3 . Last night I left my computer at the church . It felt strange not to have it at home , but I got more done around the house yesterday evening and again this morning without the distraction . 4 . I walked into the office this morning . It took about 50 minutes . I 'll walk home at lunch time and get my car for the afternoon . I need to run to the home improvement store this afternoon and get more paint . We started painting the privacy fence yesterday evening , and it 's soaking in the paint . I 'll need at least 2 more gallons . On this morning 's walk I listened to a wonderful sermon , spent some time in prayer , and began planning out the raised gardens I want to build next spring . It was in the 50 's this morning as I walked , and yesterday the high didn 't go above 75 . I feel much better in cooler weather . I don 't handle heat well at all . Now I need to go catch up on email and get the sermon outlined . This afternoon AA and I are going to do some cleaning and clearing out downstairs in preparation for the gathering room we are creating for fall . Posted by Yesterday I received a text from Daughter 's Program Manager . Daughter had started a micro enterprise early this summer . With our time away and the way bureaucracy moves slowly , she finally made her first product last week . She proudly showed me a video on her ipod of her first mini scrapbook . The agency provided supplies and support and will sell it at their marketplace . Daughter had gotten to her program yesterday and announced she was quitting her micro enterprise . PM texted and asking what they should do . I responded that they should tell Daughter to suck it up - - she 'd made a commitment and needed to follow through . PM agreed , saying usually they let the individuals make their own decisions , but in this case , she thought I was right . Yesterday afternoon , Daughter called me , furious that PM and I had talked and decided she should keep doing her micro enterprise . I told her I was busy , and we would talk when she got home . She accused me of always being too busy to talk to her . . When she arrived home , I was waiting on the front porch . I invited to sit with me so we could talk . Of course she didn 't want to talk then . We did talk though . Eventually we worked through the smoke screen to the real issue : Daughter claimed she 's never succeeded at anything and is afraid of success . She was crying as she told me this . . We talked further , and I reminded her that she had succeeded at camp , and had been very happy and proud . She wanted me to send her to camp again this month . We also talked about what she could do with the money she makes . I suggested she could buy pop when she 's out with her program and spend money on itunes . . When she went to stay with some members while I was at a meeting yesterday evening , she was bragging about her micro enterprise . The woman is interested in seeing and purchasing Daughter 's mini scrapbook . I 've forwarded the reassurance and motivator to PM , and hopefully Daughter will now move forward with her project . Posted by Yesterday evening I asked Daughter what she wanted for a bedtime snack . She informed me she couldn 't eat , she 'd just watch her blood sugar closely over night so she woulen 't go low . I told her she needed a snack , and insisted she choose a snack , so she decided to have some cheese crackers . . A few minutes later she got her long acting insulin out of the refrigerator . I was watching her reflection in the family room window , and saw her hide something in the hall . I told her to put whatever it was back in the refrigerator . She denied getting anything out of the refrigerator . I told her I knew she 'd gotten something out , and would come get it myself . She then confessed that she 'd gotten the leftover blueberry pancakes out of the refrigerator . She put them back . . She 'd just had a snack after insisting she couldn 't eat one . She 'd just had the blueberry pancakes for supper , and will have them again for breakfast . She wasn 't hungry . Her food issues aren 't about hunger or deprivation . It 's a compulsion for her . I 'm not even convinced it 's about control , because I know there are times when she is into food and I don 't know about it . When I find she 's been into food , I point out I know . I don 't yell , I don 't criticize . I may say something along the line , " I 'll be glad when you are working with me to keep yourself safe . " I am intentionally very low key in my response . Sometimes I feel like this will never change . Posted by Okay , I admit it . When it comes to worship , I have perfectionist tendencies . I want things to flow smoothly . I find it challenging to just go with the flow . That 's not quite right . I am fine with incorporating interruptions and surprises that come up during the course of the service . In the planning , I focus on coordinating everything , flow , and anticipating challenges . Today five area churches worshiped together at a park . There were six ministers involved , which meant there were at least 7 opinions on everything . Coordination and communication were loose , and this morning was a little more chaotic than I like . . It didn 't help that Daughter was a grouch this morning . She was refusing to speak to anyone or shake any one 's hand . She was afraid they 'd catch her allergies . Of course she didn 't believe me when I told her allergies aren 't contagious . She checked her blood sugar three times during the worship service , frustrated at how stable ( and in normal range ) it was . The park was beautiful , and I had some good conversations . I will focus on that , and let go of the rest . I am grateful I didn 't have to preach this morning . Sister Best Friend has encouraged me several times to update the information in the About Me and Important People and Places sections of my blog . So , I have done that . I realized as I did it that I don 't have nearly as much contact with my siblings as I did when I was in Tiny Village . I thought when I moved closer , we would become closer . I may be seeing them a little more frequently , but I 'm not talking to them nearly as often . Part of this is because we 're no longer dealing with issues around our parents needs / death and our grief over it . It 's been 2 years since Mom 's death and almost 2 years since Dad 's death . I woke up thinking about them this morning , so it 's not like I 've forgotten them , it 's just that I 'm no longer consulting / supporting as I was for so long . . The other reason I 'm not talking to them as frequently is simply a matter of time . I am much busier since I moved to Capital . Long drives on country roads used to be an opportunity to contact them . Now I spend very little time in the car . I 'm not initiating calls , and when they call I 'm often busy and have to get back with them . . It 's been almost a year since I received the call to become pastor of this congregation . It 's been a good year , a busy year , and I 'm very grateful that I am here serving these people . Daughter sent me a text yesterday afternoon about how she didn 't feel good and couldn 't stop shaking . I read it and realized that anxiety was contributing to whatever was going on , so I sent her reminders about how to soothe herself . I assured her she 'd be okay , reminded her she 'd be home shortly , and instructed her to take some deep breaths and listen to her Christian music to help her relax . I think she intended to respond , " It 's not helping . " What her text actually said , though , was " I 'm not helping . " Now that 's honest . While I was mowing the lawn this morning , one of the saints called . She wanted to know if she could come work in my yard today . Did she think I 'd say no ? . We worked together for about 4 hours in the back yard . Slowly but surely we 're getting things cleaned up after several years of neglect . We did some weeding and trimming . We cut down all the weeds that were growing between some bushes and the fence . I moved some flowers . . I enjoy working in the yard . I can see what I 've accomplished , I know I 've made a difference . I wish I could say the same for ministry . I am constantly sowing seeds , but most of the time I don 't get to see them grow . . Daughter did well until the end of the day . Once she got on the bus , she began texting me about how sick she was . I offered reassurance and suggestions , which wasn 't what she was wanting . She survived the bus ride home and is now pouting in her bedroom . Today was my final day in the office this week . It was a crazy week . There was the memorial service , newsletter , and a meeting tonight that took quite a bit of preparation . Poor Administrative Assistant went from shortened hours to 2 1 / 1 extra hours this week . The good news is we didn 't have to do much preparation for this Sunday because it 's a joint worship service in the park . The frustrating part of that is that it doesn 't seem to be very well organized , and there are a lot of details that may or may not come together . A colleague is coordinating , so I 'm doing my part and asking an occasional question . . Daughter called several times today . I was in a meeting , so she wasn 't getting the response she wanted from me , so she called Sister and hooked her in . I had to drag Daughter with me to the church for a meeting tonight . She commented on how long it had been since she 'd been there and had fun exploring her drawer in my desk . She 'd forgotten what was in it . She was very patient through a 90 minute meeting . . Administrative Assistant asked her to help clean the church after an event next week . She 'll get paid , and she 's very excited about it . She said , " I 'll have to do a good job , not the lazy screw up job I do at home . " . I 'm looking forward to a quiet day at home tomorrow . Yesterday afternoon we had a rather frustrating meeting . This morning I received this cartoon in my email . Administrative Assistant and I have printed it out , enlarged it , and placed it where we can see it . We both got a laugh out of it , and I suspect several others will , too . The good news is that the people who do it most often usually come around after their initial opposition to the new idea . Last night I was tired when I finally sat down to write out the liturgy for today 's memorial service . I was cutting and pasting when I apparently dozed off . When I woke up , I had over 200 pages of kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk in the document . Apparently I was hitting the ctrl key occasionally , because about once a page the paragraph I had been pasting appeared . I think I need to get more sleep . . The memorial service did go well today . People thought I really knew her well . I was given good information . Members of the church were welcoming me back and telling me they 'd missed me . That 's nice to know . . I was in a meeting late this afternoon when my cell phone rang . It was Daughter . She was home , over an hour early . I told the committee Daughter was home alone and I 'd see them later ( the meeting was winding down ) . It seems that there was a power failure at the facility that has the early route , so they ran the late route early today . It would be nice if they let me know about those things . I think she did okay while she was home alone . Her blood sugar doesn 't show evidence of extra food . . I think tonight I will go to bed early . Tomorrow we have to finalize the newsletter . I think I got most of the articles I needed to write done this afternoon . Administrative Assistant has always cut her hours in the summer . Of course , this year , she wasn 't able to cut them until July , when I was out of town . Today we were in the office together again for the first time since my vacation . She didn 't leave at 1 : 00 today , as she did last month . In fact , she didn 't leave at 3 : 00 , which is her normal winter quitting time . It was 4 : 00 before she got away . It was another crazy day in the office , with lots of phone calls . The bulletin for the memorial service tomorrow is done , and I wrote some more newsletter articles . We 'd like to have the newsletter out on Thursday . We 're both grateful that we 're having worship in the park this Sunday . I don 't have to preach , and she doesn 't have to worry about doing a bulletin . . August is always a busy month . There is just so much to do as we get ready for the fall program to start in September . Since we 're starting a number of new programs this fall , it is especially crazy . I don 't think AA will be leaving at 1 : 00 this month . Yesterday afternoon a young man called the church wanting information about it . They were looking for a church to join , and wanted to stop by and visit . I sat with this young couple for over an hour listening to their story . It 's a story of pain and disappointment . Though neither grew up in the church , they are now recognizing their need and hope that by committing their lives to Christ they can find peace and navigate life 's challenges a bit easier . . I gave them a Bible and made some recommendations for them to begin reading . I gave them information about the church . I prayed with them . They plan to attend the church picnic this Sunday . She wants to join the choir , and they wanted to know how soon they could join the congregation . . In the evening I met with the son and daughter of a woman who died last month . Her memorial service will be Wednesday . They told me a story of dysfunctional families and the challenges of growing up poor . We talked about their mother 's flaws , and also about her strength . We talked about alcoholism , adoption , and abandonment . We talked about the faith of their mother , a faith that carried her through some pretty big challenges . . We talked about her death , and her suffering in the hands of our health care system . . Yesterday I heard stories of deep pain , and the hope that faith brings in the midst of suffering . As always , I was honored to be given the trust of family stories . Have I mentioned recently how much I love ministry ? I 'm back in the office , and have had a steady stream of members " stopping by " on errands . They all want to chat and welcome me back . I 've enjoyed the conversations . It 's good to be back in the office . Between visitors I 've been sorting through a month 's worth of mail . I spoke to one of the men about getting better locks for my pantry doors . He 's going to talk to a friend who is a locksmith to get some suggestions . I have mixed feelings about the whole situation . If it weren 't for the diabetes , I wouldn 't worry about locking things up . Even if she would be honest with me about what she eats , I wouldn 't have to lock things up . Regulating insulin without knowledge of the food she is eating is not only difficult , it 's dangerous . . This afternoon I 'm writing notes to members who lost loved ones while I was away and newsletter articles . This evening I 'll be meeting with a family to plan a memorial service for Wednesday . This Sunday we will have worship and a picnic in the park with our sister churches . I 'm grateful , because it means I don 't have to worry about a sermon this week . I 'm a pastor and a mother . I was ordained in October of 1985 , and began serving this suburban congregation in October of 2010 . In March of 1990 I was asked to take an almost 3 year old " for the weekend . " Five years into the weekend I adopted her . Daughter carries a number of diagnoses : Reactive Attachment Disorder , Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , Central Auditory Processing Disorder , Bipolar , seizure disorder , and type 1 diabetes . She moved into a group home in November of 2011 . She attends a sheltered workshop and sings in the church choir . View my complete profile Daughter became my foster child in 1990 , shortly before she turned 3 , and I adopted her when she was 8 . Capital is a state capital in the midwest . In October of 2010 I became pastor of a church on the edge of town . Administrative Assistant is my keeper . She runs the office at the church , and at heart is an artist . She helps turn my crazy ideas into reality . Program is where Daughter spends most of her days . She does some piece work and participates in some classes and activities . She 'd like to get community employment , but still has some work to do to make that possible . Sister Best Friend and I met in seminary . We vacationed together for a number of years , and then she got married . We still do some cooperative worship planning . She seves a church less than an hour away . Far Away Sister is 4 . 5 years young than me . She lives across the country . She was an electrical engineer until she stayed home to raise Tall Niece and Nephew . Now that they are graduating , she is planning to become a high school math teacher . Sister is 10 years young than me . She is divorced and the mother of Short Niece . She lives in the same state as Capital . She is a teacher . Brother is 11 1 / 2 years younger than I am . He finally got married in February of 2009 . He lives near Sister . They are the parents of Baby Nephew . Not sure where to begin . This blog has been neglected since April . I have not felt the need to write here of vomit my drama onto these pages at all . My . . . |
To be honest , there isn 't a lot of progress . We have been driven almost insane by our contractor 's promises and failure to keep those promises . You all remember in the beginning he said it would for sure be done by April , no problem . Then they pretty much weren 't at the house at all in April . We told him we 'd already sent out Vivi 's birthday invitations since he said it would be done , so he said he 'd have the bathroom done for sure by her party . Then he said he hadn 't ordered the sink yet , but we would have drywall and tile and he 'd put the utility tub in there so people could wash their hands . Well , he did get the toilet hooked up , which we appreciated , but the day before the party there was still no door on the bathroom , no tile , no sink , and no drywall . We used cardboard to patch up a couple of holes in the wall so nobody could see into the bathroom , and put a table next to the toilet with hand sanitizer and toilet paper on it . It was very classy ; ) He is still swearing it will be done by the middle of June , but so far , almost nothing is done . We have tile in the bathroom , and the tub is installed , but we still need the bathroom vanity with sinks and bathtub faucet , the toilet got moved back out so the tile could go in and it hasn 't been replaced , and the rest of the house needs new drywall , windows , flooring , the kitchen cabinets and everything that goes into putting the kitchen together , and the back room , which was really damaged , has to be basically rebuilt inside and out . Not to mention the grading on the outside of the house , putting in the patio , and patching up the garage . Raise your hand if you think that will all be done in 2 weeks . Anyone ? No ? Neither do we . But here is our current pride and joy , the tile and tub in the bathroom . I put in a before picture to show the difference . Posted by Phew ! Now that I finally got the whole trip journal up , I can continue with our current life . I didn 't want to interrupt it with other stuff . On the 18th of this month , we learned that Journey 's documents were submitted to the US embassy in Ethiopia . This morning , we learned that she was cleared ! With the help of our agency , we submitted a couple of dates in June and they will try to fit us into their schedule . We should hear on Tuesday , and will most likely be sometime in June . Eric is going alone this time , and will spend 4 - 5 days away . He 'll get Journey and have an interview at the embassy , then it will take a couple of days to get her visa , and then they can come home ! I got all of the packing done the night before after getting back from visiting Little Boy so that we would have the whole day to spend with the kids . We woke up early to do some last minute packing , then got a ride to Journey 's orphanage . We spent some time playing with her , and were so sad to have to leave . It was a good thing our driver came to get us or we never would have left her ! We all gave her lots of hugs and kisses and headed out . We went back to the guest house for lunch , then walked to Little Boy 's orphanage . We wanted to stretch our legs since we knew we 'd be on the plane for so long later , and it gave us a chance to get a few more pictures of the surrounding area . We stopped at a couple of shops along the way , a bakery , where we got a small loaf of bread for 1 birr ( 17 birr is $ 1 US ) , then we came to a tea processing and packaging factory . We had already bought a little bit of Addis tea because we liked it so much , but we bought a few more for gifts and souvenirs . We stepped into a store during a short downpour of rain and found some really cute spiral bracelets . I had seen women and girls wearing them . We haggled a little for a better price , and then went on our way . Little Boy ran right up to us again , and we took him outside to play . The big kids were in school and the other little ones stayed inside so Vivi and Brother had the yard to themselves . We got a lot of good pictures of them playing together . Brother even got Vivi to touch dirt , something she has been refusing to do ! Little Boy was picking up little bits of dirt and bringing them to Eric , and Vivi sat and watched for a few minutes , I could tell she really wanted to do it too . Eventually she gave in and was all excited that she and brother were playing in the dirt together . We went back inside to play and to see the other kids one more time . When it was almost time to go back to the guest house , I tried telling one of the nannies that we were going home , and asked her to explain to him that we would come back . She said something to him , and he looked at us and nodded . I hope he understood ! More hugs and kisses and we were on our way . We ate dinner at the guest house , rice with a tomato sauce with beans and a bit of meat in it . It had a real comfort food flavor to it . Then it was time to drag all of our luggage out to the gate . Abraham came to pick us up , loaded our stuff , and took us to the airport . During the drive , Abraham , who likes to talk and seems fascinated by American culture , told us about how he sees the differences between Ethiopians and Americans . He said that in America , everyone knows email and computers , even if you are a farmer . But in Ethiopia , he is a modern city man , but he doesn 't know email . It was really interesting to talk to him about the differences between our cultures . At the airport , Abraham hugged us and thanked us and wished us a safe trip . We took one last glance of Ethiopia , and then went into the airport . It was recommended that we arrive to the airport 3 hours early . We didn 't think we 'd need that much time , but did it anyway , just in case . We were so glad we did ! We stood in line after line , first to get our stuff scanned and walk through a scanner , you know the whole ' take of your shoes ' things . Then to the airport packaging area , where we got our big basket wrapped for the plane , then in a looong line to check in . Luckily we got to leave our checked baggage there , and were able to talk to another adoptive family while we waited . We had to wait in 2 more lines to show our passports and tickets and customs to claim our stuff . Then we had to go up the stairs and stand in line to get checked in at the gate . We got all the way to the front of the line and the guy checked our tickets and told us we were at the wrong gate . Doh ! We ran down to the correct gate and had to wait in line AGAIN ! The family we had been talking to in line downstairs came and found us , and were holding Vivi 's ' Little Tiana ' doll . Having so many other adoptive families in the country was such a blessing ! At the gate , get this , we had to take off our shoes again , and go through anThe ride home was fairly easy . The plane took off at 10pm , and we were exhausted , so we all slept for a lot of the flight . Vivi got a little antsy toward the end , but we made it to Washington DC , then the little plane to Detroit , where my dad picked us up and brought us home sweet home ! We hired a driver named Gimra to take us shopping on Churchill street in the morning . We expected that he would just wait in the car , but he came with us and helped tell us if the prices were too high . He also insisted on carrying our bags for us . Even though the street was crowded with people , we were the only white people , and when we got out of the car all the shop owners started calling to us to come to their shop . We started checking off our list of souvenirs we wanted to get for ourselves and for family and friends . After spending time with Little Boy , we realized that the size 4 traditional outfit we got him was too big , ( he 's maybe an inch taller than Vivi and only a little wider ) , so we got a smaller one , a dress for me , a drum for Little Boy and rag dolls for Jenavieve and Journey , some really cool paintings on goat skins of biblical scenes , an Ethiopian style wooden cross , an Ethiopian flag ( that a guy tried to charge us $ 20 for - we kept telling him no until he finally let us have it for $ 12 , which we thought was fair enough ) , jewelry , scarves . I love that the people in the paintings look Ethiopian , which is more historically accurate than the blond haired , blue eyed art you can find in America . Gimra took us to a shop with just a walk up window that sold good berebere , Ethiopia 's famous spice mix . Then he took us to Tivoli , an American style restaurant . The food was very very good ! Eric got a ridiculously spicy soup and a chicken burger with fries , and I got curry teriyaki chicken with rice . We also got some more of their thick , strong coffee , mmm ! We went back to the guest house for a little rest before calling for a ride to visit Journey . All of our usual guys were busy so we called another guy from the agency approved list , Ermias . While driving , he informed us that he is not just a driver , he is also a tour guide . He pointed out a lot of buildings and landmarks along the way . Another little thing about Addis is that you are not allowed to take pictures of any government building , including the presidential palace , court house , and police station . Ermias said it is for protection . The funny thing is though that everything has a big wall around it , so even if you did take a picture , you couldn 't see anything . When we got to Journey 's orphanage , we were surrounded by the usual group of kids as we made our way up to the baby room . Journey was sitting in a crib with some other babies , and her face lit up when she saw us . I picked her up and she smiled at all 3 of us , which was so sweet ! The nanny took her and changed her diaper and washed her face , then gave her back and we went outside to play . Sister Joan of Ark , the European nun who speaks English very well , saw us and came over to ask how court went . She was so happy that we passed . She told us that usually once a child passes court , they get moved to Layla house , our agency 's main orphanage , so that it 's easier to keep track of them and so that if they need to take them somewhere , they don 't have to drive the 20 minutes out . Journey is well known at the orphanage because she has been there for so long and is so sweet . Even the gate guards knew her name and she smiled really big at them . It must be bittersweet for them to see her go , Sister Joan of Ark also shared her concerns with us about MOWA ( ministry of women 's affairs ) trying to slow down adoptions to prevent fraud . They cut down drastically the amount of cases they are processing each day - we just squeaked in before this happened - and the sister said that their goal is to stop international adoptions from Ethiopia . She said she doesn 't want to think about what would happen then , and she fears for the children because they need families , not an institutionalized life . We all hope it doesn 't come to that , that they can figure out a better way to prevent fraud . Another family from our agency is waiting for a court date for 2 kids at this orphanage and asked us to check on them for us . I asked Sister Joan of Ark about them and she brought them out to play with us . We got a lot of pictures and spent enough time with them to know a little bit of their personalities . I 'm so excited to be able to share that with their family while they wait . After they went back to play with kids their own age , Vivi was hungry , so we sat down for a snack . I set Journey on the table , holding on to her because although she can sit , I still wasn 't sure how stable she was . She watched Vivi eating , then suddenly put her arms out on the table and started crawling ! The table was small , so I took her over to the big porch and set her down in crawling position to see what she would do . Sure enough , she took off ! It wasn 't in her paperwork that she could crawl , and the first day we just held and cuddled her , it never occurred to us that she might be a crawler . Another thing was that her paperwork said she has cerebral palsy , and another American who saw her said she didn 't know if that was true , but that her legs were pretty stiff . This could have been a true delay , or just a delay from being in an orphanage and not getting a lot of chance to use her legs . But watching her crawl , she didn 't seem to have any problems at all . We will see when she gets home . Our visit with her went by so fast , and it was this day that we realized how hard it was going to be to leave her for an unknown amount of time . Having met the nannies at all 3 orphanages , they are all wonderful and we know she will be in good hands , but it will still be hard . Ermias drove us by some more places he thought we should see , and made sure we were able to get pictures of the war memorial of those who died when the Italians invaded , and the big lion of Judah statue . He took us to a place with good whole bean coffee to buy , which pretty much finished our shopping list . We came back to the guest house , walked down to the shop to get a coke ( which costs about 25 cents ) , and saw a herd of cows walking down the road . Vivi enjoyed mooing at them . Then it was time for dinner - spaghetti with boiled cabbage and bread . After dinner , Abraham picked us up again to take us to see Little Boy . When we walked into the room , he ran up to Eric with a big grin and gave him a huge hug . He has definitely started forming a bond to him , but I think it will take him a little while to bond to me . Little Boy 's 2 closest friends , Abebaw and Tariku , started posing for pictures right away . There are more boys than girls there , and all the little boys loved Eric . They even organized their own group shot on Eric 's lap , calling their friends into the picture , putting their arms around each other and saying cheese . One of the families I had emailed with before our trip came to see their little boy and we talked for awhile , which was nice . The nannies , despite carrying for kids all day every day , really enjoy playing with the kids and were going out of their way to play with Vivi so we could have some one on one time with Little Boy . They were hugging and kissing her , and they know she loves babies so they kept showing her the babies . She saw one nanny drinking tea and said " hot tea ! Hot tea ! " the nanny went out and got her her own cup of hot tea . The patience and love they have for kids is just remarkable . There are times when Vivi is especially whiny and clingy that I can 't wait for Eric to get home so I can get a break . These nannies are always holding someone , and seem happy to do it . They are such a blessing to these kids while they wait for families ! Eric and I were both up all night with a stomach bug , so we took the morning off and just stayed around the guest house . We took a little walk and got some pictures of the flowers that grow here , then came back for a nap . I was so worried that we would be sick all day and not get to do anything , but luckily after the nap we both felt better . Vivi did develop a cough though . Little Boy and Journey both have coughs ( along with most of the kids at the orphanages ) so it didn 't surprise me . The siblings sharing their sicknesses starts now ! In the afternoon we called a driver to take us out to the Hilton to reconfirm our flight . Apparently if you don 't reconfirm , they might give away your seat . Luckily our seats were still there . The Hilton was in downtown Addis , it was so busy , even in the middle of the day . One thing that is so different here is the traffic . There are no street names , no speed limits , no traffic lights . You basically drive and honk if someone gets in your way . But a HUGE difference is that nobody gets mad about it . Road rage is not a thing here . If someone honks at you , you get out of the way . If there 's a traffic jam , you sit and wait . They have traffic circles with no yield signs , you just go , or if there 's a car going faster than you , you let them go first . There are no crosswalks , people cross the street wherever they are , even in the middle of a busy road . They just walk , and cars don 't slow down . They honk if a person isn 't getting out of the way fast enough , but the people seem pretty unfazed by the honking . Even the animals understand the traffic here . I saw a dog look both ways , wait for a couple of cars to pass , then trot across the road . People walk goats and donkeys down the sidewalk without any lead lines and they never stray . One of the other families had to move out of the way for a herd of cows just walking down the sidewalk . Anyway , we got back to the guest house and hung out for a little while until dinner was ready . Eleyhu 's wife ( can 't remember her name , but she 's super sweet ) made a yummy stew with beef , potatoes , carrots , and onions . It was so good to have a home cooked meal . We ate with another guest , a retired surgeon who was there doing surgeries on kids with cleft lips and palates . After dinner , one of the agency drivers picked us up to take us to see Little Boy . Again when we got there the big kids ran to the driver and asked who we were here for . He said " Little Boy family " and they started running around and cheering . A girl took my hand when we got out of the van and asked " LittlAfter leaving Little Boy , we had our driver , Abraham , take us to a grocery store to pick up some things . I got a couple big bags of shiro ; when I asked our agency group what they bought , a lot of people said they wished they had gotten more shiro . With Eric going back at least one more time I can get him to pick up more if we really love shiro wat . We were also looking for shelf stable milk because Vivi went through it faster than we expected , but couldn 't find any . We went back to the guest house and looked through our souvenirs a little before heading to bed . We woke up early and got dressed and ready for court . We were picked up in a van with the other family that had court with us , as well as Eleni and a guy that I believe is the agency 's lawyer . We drove to a tall building and walked up like 6 flights of stairs ( we were advised to dress nicely , so I wore a skirt and heels . I regretted the heels all day ! ) and into a crowded room . Eleni told us that everyone in the room was there for adoption . There were people speaking all different languages , it was pretty cool . We learned that knowing the right people makes a difference , because we were taken in after about only 5 minutes of waiting . The court hearing for our family and the other family happened at the same time . We were led into a room with a couple of women behind desks . The judge asked whose kids were whose and then asked about our other children , if we had met our new children , if we had become educated on Ethiopia , adoption , and possible identity issues that could come from adopting a child of another race and culture . Then she said that Journey 's documentation was complete , and the other couple 's daughter 's was complete , but that Little Boy 's was missing something and would have another hearing May 13th . Then she said " Elshaday ( the other girl ) and Selam have complete files . They are now yours . " she thanked us and that was it , we were on our way . * * To explain about not passing court for Little Boy , we don 't have to go back for the next court date because we appeared before the judge this time , and the agency 's lawyer will act on our behalf . * * After court , we got back in the van , and went to Sabahar , which is a silk factory . And by factory , I mean rooms of people working spinning wheels and looms . We got to see silk worms and the butterflies they turn into , and the silk they spin . It was a really peaceful place , quiet , with lots of pretty flowers . We bought a pretty silk scarf that I think we are going to put in the girls ' room , and also some cotton washcloths . We got back in the van and drove to a basket shop , which was a little hut on the side of a quiet road that was FULL of stuff . Baskets in all shapes and sizes , sculptures , wood and metal carved crosses , wood furniture - it was hard to move in there without touching something . We got a food serving basket with a lid , a big round basket with a lid that I LOVE even though it is huge and will be an adventure to get home , an open shallow basket , and a mancala set . From there we stopped at a cd shop because another family with us has an Ethiopian daughter at home who wanted a cd from a specific artist . We got a kids dvd of Christian songs in Amharic . We were dropped back off at Layla and 2 of the families we had gotten close to went out to lunch , then back to Laya to talk to Gail about the embassy process and to sign some papers . This was when we finally saw a copy of Little Boy 's birth certificate and learned his birthdate . It is approximate and probably not the day he was actually born but it is something , and he should be home to celebrate his 4th birthday with us . Gail also told us at this time that if we wanted to process their visas separately we could , so that Journey wouldn 't have to wait until Little Boy 's documentation was just right . There were a lot of adoptive families at Layla that afternoon , and we had a good time talking to everyone and comparing stories . When adoptive families are the minority in play groups and the local community , it was really nice to have a community of all adoptive parents . We finally got a ride home to change shoes and let Vivi have a nap ( which she decided she didn 't need ) and the wife of the guest house owner invited us to the traditional coffee ceremony . She had fresh grass and flowers on the floor with a little stool on top of it . On top of the stool was a tray with tiny tea cups and saucers . Next to that , she had a free standing little burner and she was stirring coffee beans with a stick on a round metal plate , roasting the beans . When she was done , she walked around the house and blew the fragrant smoke from the beans around . Then she took the plate outside and set it on the ground , where she continued stirring and took out beans that were bad . I didn 't notice a difference between the good and bad beans . Then she got out a big wooden mortar and what looked like a railroad tie , and the guard sat down and crushed the beans while the woman went inside to make popcorn . The beans smelled soo good as he was crushing them ! Once We were supposed to meet everyone for dinner at a nice Ethiopian restaurant , but Vivi decided not to take a nap and was quite cranky so we decided to skip and instead had a relaxing evening at the guest house , and took a walk down to the grocery store to get some yummy snacks . If you haven 't read the first few days , scroll back to the beginning ! We chose the guest house based on a file we read from our agency on different guest houses . It said it was about a 10 minute walk from our guest house to the orphanage . Eric thought the directions sounded really easy , so we started walking , and walking , and walking , and I didn 't recognize anything , but Eric thought we were still going the right way . When we came upon an ornate church , we knew we had never seen it before and must be going the wrong way . We turned back and tried a different way and soon realized that wasn 't the way either . It was starting to get dark and we didn 't have any way of calling anyone . I was nervous that people would notice that we were lost ( we were the only white people on the street ) and try to take advantage of that . We quickly made our way back to the orphanage and the guard , who didn 't understand our problem , led us into the orphanage . Vivi had fallen asleep on our long walk . Apparently none of the English speaking nannies work at night . We ended up in the same room that Little Boy was in , and tried explaining the situation , but they didn 't understand us . Eventually we got across that we needed to borrow a phone . Eric called Zewdu to see if he could pick us up , but he was at the airport and couldn 't come for an hour . Being the only driver who knew how to get to our guest house , we didn 't have a choice but to wait . We communicated with the nannies that we would be there for 1 hour , and they got us chairs and invited us to sit and play . The room was all kids under 4 , and they were all so sweet ! Little Boy sat back and watched as other kids came up to us and started playing . Eric taught them a simple hand clapping sequence that they all wanted to do . Little Boy best friend is very outgoing , and as he and I played the hand clapping game , Little Boy slowly scooted closer to watch , and then went to Eric and put his hands out to play the game . On a separate note , we met the family of Little Boy best friend thJasmine We woke up early on Monday and Eric boiled some bottled water for tea . Since the guest house didn 't have any water for a shower , we sponge bathed with baby wipes and called Zewdu , the only driver who knows where our guest house is , to arrange for him to pick us up later that morning to go to Layla House , our agency 's main orphanage . We were supposed to meet our coordinator , Gail , who would take us to Journey 's orphanage to meet her . We had some time before Zewdu came , and our drinking water supply was almost gone , so we walked down to a store around the corner . The road outside the guest house was dirt , but the next road we had to turn on was a walking only road with piles of rocks , pits full of water , it was quite a trek . There were a lot of people walking the road . Jenavieve spotted a woman with a baby on her back and an older girl , and pointed and said " a baby ! " The woman smiled and we smiled back and then kept walking . The woman let the baby out of the sling and he came running over , we thought to say hi to Vivi . But once he got to us , he put on a sweet smile and started walking along side us with his hand out . This kid was not as old as Vivi . We were warned not to give money to people so we smiled at him and then kept walking . After a couple of minutes of chasing after us , his mom called him off . A few minutes later , a little girl about 5 years old came running up to us with a smile and her hand out . It was sad how young the kids are trained to beg . We passed a little ' village ' of tiny tin walled houses , and a couple of big , nice looking buildings . The way ' rich ' and ' poor ' mix in this city is fascinating . We finally made it to the store and bought a case of water , and some Addis tea , then headed back to wait for Zewdu . We got to Layla a little early and were escorted into an office to wait . Finally someone came out and told us that Gail was not coming , another woman would go with us to meet Journey , and the agency family liaison , Eleni , would pick us up at noon . The woman who went with us didn 't speak much English so we didn 't really talk to her . When we pulled into Journey 's orphanage , kids came running to meet us , hugging our legs or trying to pull us along with them . There was a little play yard with a slide and some swings so Vivi got to play while we waited . The woman who brought us came out of a building with another woman , who led us inside and instructed us to wait there . Yet another woman came out and took us around the orphanage , telling us about what they do and different programs they have . The older kids were in school on the compound , so we saw lots of babies and special needs kids . Most of the women had a baby in a sling on their backs . Crippled children laid on a blanket in the sun , and mentally impaired kids wandered around . Toddlers mostly stayed near the nannies . The nannies were so busy the whole time , hand washing clothes and hanging them on the line , pouring water on the concrete yard of the compound and using a brush to clear dirt away , picking up a crying baby or toddler as they continued on with their chores . Our guide brought us back to the front of the building and asked if there was anything else we wanted to see . Apparently there was some sort of misunderstanding and she didn 't realize that we were visiting adoptive parents . Journey was actually in one of the rooms she showed us , sleeping on a blanket on the floor with some other babies . We had a laugh and she apologized . She thought it was so funny that she led us right past our daughter without realizing it . She took us back up to one of the rooms full of cribs and picked her up to show us . She tickled her a little to wake her up and an English speaking nun came in and said she recognized us from our picture and knew we were Selam 's parents . As she woke up and looked at us , Vivi waved at her and said " Hi baby ! " The English speaking nun said " this is your big sister ! " and both women smiled at them staring at each other . Then she told us that because it was the day after Easter ( the biggest holiday in Ethiopia ) , the nuns had to go to a meeting ( I think she meant gathering or service rather than meeting ) but that we could take her anywhere on the compound . We went outside and sat for a little bit . She kept looking at us and furrowing her eyebrows like she wasn 't sure about us . She didn 't cry , she was very peaceful . The nannies told us she has always been a very calm and peaceful child . We gave her the little photo album we brought her , meant for babies with cloth pages and a bar with little rings on top . She really liked it , she kept looking at it , and when one of the nannies came by and stopped to say hi to her , she held out the photo album to show her . The nanny made a big deal out of it , oohing and ahhing over the pictures and Journey smiled and looked proud . All of the nannies were so nice and seemed to have endless patience for the kids . It wasn 't long before some of the kids started wandering over and trying to look at the photo album and trying to get attention or get into our backpack . Journey had a tight grip on her photo album . We let the kids look at the pictures while she held it , making sure they didn 't grab it away . They enjoyed looking at the pictures . Every once in awhile we would get swarmed with kids and we 'd get up and walk around for a few minutes . The big kids came out for recess and came in groups to look at us . One boy and a couple of friends came over and he was so excited to use his English , which was really good . He asked our names , told us his name is Hailu , he is 10 years Suddenly , we heard drums and then singing , and the guards opened the gates and told the children to move out of the way . A procession of people dressed in religious robes and head dresses came in , singing songs , clapping , and some had big drums they were playing . At the back of the procession were 2 people holding a fancy looking umbrella over an older man in robes . As they came into the compound , everyone followed them over to one of the concrete yards . The older man was escorted inside and everyone else stayed outside and continued singing and dancing . Everyone was clapping and during parts of the songs the women were making ayayayay sounds . Jenavieve LOVED it and was smiling and clapping along . A man came up to us and asked if we understood what was going on . We said no , and he explained that Easter is their most important holiday and celebration lasts 55 days . They have days where they fast and days where there are festivals . Then he translated a couple of the songs for us . One was about being washed in the blood of Jesus , and one was about believing in God 's word . Then he asked if we liked their celebration and said he hoped we would come celebrate with them again . The older man came out with a big metal contraption , almost like a chandelier , with some metal rings on it that made noise . There was incense on it and he walked through the crowd with it . Journey started to relax into me and fell asleep while we swayed to the music . The procession danced and sang back out of the compound , and it was time for our ride to come pick us up , so we took Journey back upstairs and a nanny put her in a crib . We waved goodbye , and on our way back down the stairs , Eleni was coming up to find us and tell us that the van was there . We got onto a full van with other families from our agency . 3 of the families were adopting older children ( 6 , 9 , and 14 ) and they were allowed to take the kids out and spend the day with us . We drove to a restaurant for lunch that had everything from spaghetti and pizza to doro wat ( Ethiopian chicken stew ) . Vivi wanted rice and chicken so we ordered a chicken cutlet that was breaded and fried and came with rice and a potato dish . Eric got doro wat . It was nice to talk to other families too . One of the families actually sat directly behind us on the plane , we knew we were both adoptive families but didn 't ask what agency . Another family I had been emailing with for awhile before even learning about our court dates because she has a daughter with similar hand issues as Journey . After lunch we got back in the van and drove up Mount Entoto , the highest elevation in Ethiopia . At the top of the mountain was a very cool church built in the 1800s . It was built in an octagonal shape , representing God and 7 arch angels . There are 3 rings to the octagon , representing the holy trinity . The very inside being for the ark of the covenant , the next one for communion , and the outer one for worship songs . The 2nd ring was completely covered on all 8 sides by oil paintings on canvas pasted to the walls of biblical scenes . It was very cool , but you had to pay extra to take pictures so we just enjoyed looking . We also went into a cave that was used as a church before the church was built . We got back in the van and started the drive back down , stopping at one point where there was a clear view of the city to take pictures . We continued down the mountain , and stopped on Churchill street to do some shopping . It was our first experience in the shops . They had so much stuff , and most of the items don 't have prices because haggling is expected . We were also told to expect to be charged more because we are white . The shop employees tried to be very helpful and talk us into buying more things . I asked to see some dresses for Vivi 's size , and he would pull one out , show me , and if I said no , he tossed in into a pile on the floor . I collected a handful of little dresses , and even found matching traditional dresses for Jenavieve and Journey . I showed them to Eric , who was playing outside with Vivi , and decided on a couple other dresses . I also got a dress for a friend who adopted from Ethiopia in 2009 and her daughter is outgrowing her dress . Then I looked at little boys ' outfits and found a nice traditional one to go with the girls ' dresses . They were tough hagglers and hard to talk down in price . It 's hard to haggle when you really want the item you are holding , because you don 't want to walk away from it . Eric was able to talk them down a little though and then it was time to get back in the van . We went back to Layla and exchanged more money ( we were only allowed to exchange $ 100 at the airport ) and then headed over to Little Boy 's orphanage . As the van pulled in , kids rushed to the doors and crowded around us as we got out . Eleni said something about us being there for Little Boy and all the kids got excited and started yelling his name and running around looking for him . Meanwhile , Vivi saw their playground and decided that she was not going to go meet her brother , she was going to go on the slide . I picked her up and carried her inside anyway , and just as a nanny carried Little Boy around the corner , she started screaming and having a fit and scared him . I took her back outside to the sliThe director took us into the office then and put Little Boy 's latest report and a few pictures of him on a cd . She told us more about him , then gave us directions back to our guest house and we went on our way . If you haven 't read Day 1 yet , you can see it here . These posts are long , but bear with me . I wanted to remember everything ! We got off the plane onto the tarmac and onto a bus that drove us over to the airport building . The staff was very friendly and tried to be helpful , but we had a hard time communicating with them ! It really gave me an appreciation for people who come to the US and don 't speak English . One guy kept asking if we needed transit , and we didn 't know what he was talking about . Finally he said " you stay in Addis or need transit ? " apparently he was going to direct us to our next flight if we had one . The next couple of people we ran into we were able to say " we are staying in Addis " . We had to stand in long line to get our visas . It was hot and stuffy and smelled like body odor and that combined with the high elevation was making me dizzy . I stood in line and pushed our bags forward while Eric chased Jenavieve around . Luckily , she came back to tell me something and a woman came over and said " is this your daughter ? " and took us to the front of the line . Getting our visas was a pretty informal process - 10 or so people in dress suits sitting at tables that were pushed together to make a long line . They worked in pairs , one person did part of the paperwork , then passed it to the next person . They asked us a few questions that took a few minutes to figure out and answer in a way that they understood . They did a lot of talking to each other while we were there and it was a different experience to be standing there not understanding a single word . But suddenly it was over and we were off to the next stop , another line to stand in . A guy quickly directed us to the front of the line again ( it pays to take your baby with you ! ) and we gave our paperwork to a guy in a booth . I 'm not sure what he did , but he spent most of the time looking at Vivi and making faces and saying things to her in Amharic ( she got that a lot on the plane too , I think they may have thought she was an Ethiopian adoptee too ) . We were then directed to baggage claim . Vivi and I sat on the floor and ate some raisins and watched the cart of suitcThe guy didn 't speak a lot of English , but he tried to make conversation anyway . He pointed at Vivi and said " she is your son ? " I smiled and said " yes , she 's mine " ( I didn 't know if it would be polite to correct him or not ) . He made a confused face and said " oh . . . . but . . . she is black ! " I again smiled and said " yes , she is " . Finally Eric got the money exchanged and came back . I whispered to him that we had to tip the guy , and he pulled out 10 birr and thanked the guy . He looked at it , then called to one of the other guys and said something in Amharic . The other guy made a face and shook his head , and our guy turned back to us and said " this is so small ! 10 birr is so small ! " Eric said " sorry , we are new , I don 't know how much to tip " and gave him another 10 birr . He showed them to us and said " this is so small ! " I had also read that white tourists to Ethiopia are often seen as wealthy and to expect to get charged more for things , and about the act they put on about acting offended at such a small offer . We weren 't the suckers he pegged us for ! So we smiled , thanked him , and went on our way . We put our luggage on a conveyer belt and picked it up on the other side , and then we were through security ! There was a huge crowd of people waiting outside security for their family and friends , we got to see a lot of sweet reunions . We traveled in pajamas so we went into the bathrooms to change and then met with a guy from our agency who was hired to drive us and another woman to our guest houses . He led pushed our luggage cart out and loaded it into a rickety , boxy van that didn 't have seatbelts . It took him a couple of tries to start it . Vivi climbed into the car , perched on the seat , and said " Bapa cd please ! " ( My dad made a cd of him reading stories to Vivi and she listens to it every time we 're in the car ) . We started driving , and got to see a lot of different people and things as we went . Some people were dressed in traditional clothing , while others wore jeans and t - shirts . There were people just standing on the sidewalk with a pack of live goats , and a pile of furs to sell . We also saw fruit stands placed randomly on street corners , a tent with a woman selling plastic buckets in different sizes and colors , and lots of young kids wandering around by themselves . Traffic laws seem a little lax in Addis - the driver used his horn more than his turn signal and people crossed the street literally right in front of us . We got to the other woman 's hotel first , and noticed that all of the hotels and guest houses as well as other buildings were surrounded by walls topped with barbed wire , and have a guard standing outside . Many also had a gate that had to be opened to let cars through . After dropping her off , he turned to us and said he didn 't know where we were staying . We told him the Addis Kidan Baptist Guest House and he said he 'd never heard of it . We gave him the phone number and he tried calling but it wasn 't going through . He said cell phone service wasn 't working well that day . He also tried calling our agency liaison but that call didn 't go through either . We knew that it was walking He finally found someone who knew and drove up to a big metal gate with stone walls surrounding the building . He honked the horn and a guard looked out , then opened the gate to let us in . The guest house was beautiful and the yard around it was even more beautiful ! Flowering plants in all colors , palm trees , it looked so nice ! We were met by the guy who runs the guest house and he helped us take our bags to our room , and then gave us a tour . Our room was in the back of the building and had one big bed and a bunk bed , a table , 2 chairs , and a night stand . The table and night stand had candles and matches sitting on plates in case the power went out . Then he took us to the bathroom , which was in a little building behind the guest house . A toilet , sink , and indented area in the floor with a little shower head above it . He showed us how to make the water hot but said that it doesn 't stay hot for long . Then he took us up into the house which had a living room , dining room , kitchen , and another bathroom . He showed us how to make the water hot in that bathroom , then said " right now , we don 't have any water , but , we hope it will come soon ! " in a very cheerful voice . He told us that we can use the kitchen for whatever we want for $ 1 a day , or we could pay a few dollars a day to have them cook our meals . Internet and phone usage are 5 cents a minute on the honor system , you just write in a notepad how many minutes you spend on the phone or internet . We spent a little while exploring the yard and house , and tried calling our liaison again but didn 't get through . We had some lunch , then took a little nap . Eric and I woke up and did some unpacking and tried to call our liaison again , but Vivi slept for 8 hours ! Poor baby hadn 't had a long chunk of sleep in 2 days and we could not wake her up . Of course she woke up right when we were talking about going to bed . The original plan was to meet Little Boy at his orphanage , but because we couldn 't get ahold of the liaison , we ended up staying at the guest house and juPosted by We spent the night at my parents ' house because they were going to drop us off at the airport . Vivi must have picked up on our excitement because she decided not to nap that day , and then when we went to Nana and Bapa 's of course she was all excited and bouncing around . We weighed our suitcases and rearranged some things while Vivi played with them . We all went to bed around 12 : 30 , and got up at 3 : 30 to get to the airport at 4 : 30 . We parked , checked our bags , said goodbye to my parents , and then got in line to go through security . They had a separate line for families of small children so we got to go right through . Vivi wasn 't thrilled about putting Tiana in the tub to go through the scanner and made sure everyone knew it . The security guys were so nice though , one told me to send Tiana in first , then run through the people scanner to watch her come out . As soon as she came out the other side , the guy running the scanner grabbed her out of the bin and gave her back to Vivi , and then she was all smiles . We didn 't have too long to wait before getting on the plane to Washington DC . It was dark and stormy , and the plane was TINY - 2 seats on one side , 1 seat on the other side and only like 20 rows . We had 1 flight attendant . Vivi was a little grumpy from not getting enough sleep , and didn 't like being strapped into her own seat on the plane . Then it was time for takeoff and she had a total meltdown . She screamed all the way up , and all the way down , and any time we hit turbulence ( as we flew through the storms ) . It was an hour and a half flight that felt like years ! As we were waiting to get off the plane a few people were saying " you made it ! " to Vivi . One woman said " is this your home ? " to which I replied " nope , we have a 13 hour flight to Ethiopia after this " and everyone looked quite relieved to not be going there with us . We deplaned onto the tarmac and Vivi was freaked out by the plane noises , so Eric picked up our carry - ons ( we had to put them in the bottom of the plane because it was so small ) and I ran through the rain , dodging puddles while carrying a screaming toddler . We were now officially DREADING the 13 hour flight ! We had a 4 hour layover before leaving for Ethiopia so we took our time walking down there , then put the Tiana movie on and had some snacks . As people started showing up at the gate , we were very encouraged by the amount of kids who would be on our plane . It 's nice to not be the only ones ! The flight was made up mostly of Ethiopians with a handful of other adoptive parents going either to court or to pick up their child , and a mission group on their way to Malawi . I noticed a big change in attitude with the people on this flight . Other parts of the airport when Vivi was having a fit , we got all kinds of wary looks that clearly said " I hope you aren 't on my flight ! " ( which I totally understand and don 't blame them ! ) but at the gate to our Ethiopian flight , the kids were all running around , some of them touching other people 's things or fussing or doing other things that might have annoyed most American adults . But nobody so much as rolled an eye . If a baby was fussing , people would come over and sing a song , and if a kid was touching someone 's stuff , that someone would smile and talk to them . It was such a relaxed atmosphere ! Vivi fell asleep for most of the layover but woke up when we stood up to get on the plane , and was not thrilled to be getting on another plane as we walked down the boarding dock . This plane was HUGE ! 2 aisles , 9 seats in each row ( in groups of 3 ) and a tv in the back of every headrest . The headphones for the tv were free to use and they had a bunch of movies and tv shows , as well as games and a slideshow of maps that showed all kinds of statistics about the flight , how far we were from our destination in miles and hours , how fast we were going and how high , and a cool map of the world that showed a line from Washington DC to Addis Ababa and a picture of a plane that followed the line so we could see where we were . We also got pillows and blankets , and little bags that had a sleep mask , a pair of socks , toothbrush and toothpaste . There were at least a dozen flight attendants who were all very friendly . Vivi was upset at first , but Eric asked if we could keep our ipod touch on since it isn 't a phone ( the first flight said all electronics must be off ) and she said we could keep it on so Vivi got to watch " Be Our Guest " from Beauty and the Beast over and over while we took off . She still freaked out as we took off and hit some turbulence , but then she relaxed and the rest of the flight was awesome ! We brought a lot of toys that kept Vivi occupied during the beginning of the flight , then she took another nap . They brought out dinner , we could choose salmon or beef . The salmon came with pasta and a chunky tomato sauce , and the beef came with mashed potatoes and some mixed veggies like zucchini in a yummy gravy . It also came with a salad ( complete with olives and tomatoes that made Vivi 's day ) , a roll , crackers , a chunk of cheese , and a yummy cheesecake for dessert . Vivi also discovered that when the flight attendants came by , she could ask them for " juice please " and she would get juice ! We don 't give her juice at home so it was a special treat for her , and it kept her happy . A couple of hours into the flight they turned off the lights and a lot of people napped while others got up and wandered around . We talked to a couple of the other adoptive families and swapped stories , and Vivi enjoyed watching the babies on the plane . The flight attendants announced that we could go to the kitchen and help ourselves to sandwiches and drinks , while they went up to the 2nd floor to nap , so we took Vivi for a walk and got a sandwich and some juice , then tried to get some sleep . I don 't sleep well on planes or in cars because of my back , but I did get a couple of hours in . Then I passed the time watching tv shows on the plane tv and playing sudoku on the ipod touch . A couple of hours before the end of the flight , they turned the lights back on and brought around hot towels . I didn 't know what it was until I saw people in front of us washing their faces , and it was so refreshing ! Then they brought breakfast out - aPosted by We had an amazing time in Ethiopia and I 'll be posting about that this week but I just wanted to post an update about court . We passed court for our daughter , but our son 's file was missing some documentation , so he has a new hearing date of May 13th . We don 't have to go back for the next court date , we will have a representative go for us . Journey was born March 12th , 2010 in Ethiopia . We chose Journey for obvious reasons , her life has already been an incredible journey and she is so resilient . We chose Matilda for 2 reasons . It means ' battle strength ' which we thought was a nice meaning , and also for Roald Dahl 's character Matilda , who was an amazing girl born into less than ideal circumstances who beat all the odds . We felt that both of those names suited her well because she may have some special needs and challenges to face . We don 't know the severity of these special needs and won 't until we get her home and evaluated . After meeting her and seeing how she is developing , we believe that her earlier reports make the problems seem much worse than they are . We will see . She will need surgery to repair some finger issues and possibly some sort of treatment for a lazy / underdeveloped eye , and who knows what else , if anything , but she is not slowed down by any of her issues . She definitely has a strong personality , she smiles , laughs , crawls , and likes to explore . She loves Jenavieve , and even though she was a little shy to Eric and I when we first met , she was excited to see us every time we visited after that . Posted by We are the Js ( plus an E ) , a multicultural Christian homeschooling family who count it all joy daily and enjoy living life and helping others . Eric is the breadwinner . He ' does something with computers ' , does all the handy projects around the house , and is a really great dad . His job allows him to work from home , which has been great ! He 's able to come up for lunch with us , and sometimes does lessons and experiments with us during the day . Jasmine is the bread maker . Stay at home mom , laundry / chef / chauffeur extraordinaire . Taking life one day at a time ! Jebriel ( 6 ) came home from Ethiopia in January 2012 . He is bright , loves learning how things work , and is a great big brother . He is always looking for ways to help people . When he grows up , he wants to be a pastor / missionary / chef / doctor and adopt lots of kids who need families . Jenavieve ( 5 ) was adopted domestically at birth , we got to meet her in the hospital just after she was born and was our first child . She is unofficially on the autism spectrum with lots of sensory issues , she keeps us on our toes . Journey ( 4 ) home from Ethiopia in 2011 . Always dancing , and gives the best hugs ! After 4 hand surgeries , and getting glasses and hearing aids in 2012 , she made huge strides and is developmentally on track in most areas . Jubilee ( 2 ) home from Hong Kong in March 2014 . You won 't get to see her face until we finalize her adoption in September , but she is adorable , very smart , and has a sense of humor . She has Apert Syndrome , but it doesn 't have her ! Blog Archive |
Discovering Your Family Lineage June 23 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment When you read my first book A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir you will discover that Sy , my then husband and I took our daughters to many different places in an effort to help our two families blend into one family by building new common history . So when it came time to babysit the grandchildren the pattern was already established and we took Andrew and his sister Nicole to many different places . Andrew had a love of history and Nicole a love of art so we tried to alternate our adventures so that each child would have a chance to experience the things that stirred each of their hearts . town not too distant from the town in which I grew up , and investigate to see what we could learn . This of course was a trip for Andrew . We wound up investigating the family burial plot of Ralph Waldo Emerson . The children wandered around looking at the various family headstones and Nicole suddenly called out , " Gramma , wasn 't your grandmother named Mary Moody ? " I did go and look and there was the name but it couldn 't be my grandmother because the dates were off . Some other person investigating the gravesite overheard us and said , " Maybe you should go to the Emerson House and take the tour . They could probably explain if there is a connection . " Now the children were ready for a treasure hunt . We went to the Emerson Memorial House and took the tour . There was an historical guide explaining and pointing out important features of the house . At one point Andrew got close to the docent and said , " I think we may be related to Mr . Emerson . " The docent replied that he couldn 't help us with that but there was a family tree in the gift shop that we could buy and the person there might be able to help us with our investigation . We bought the family tree and still were having trouble when the shopkeeper came and asked if she could help . We told her that we had found a Mary Moody in the family burial plot but the dates were wrong . She said , " Well Mary Moody , the aunt of Ralph Waldo , had a great uncle Joseph Moody , a minister and he was known as Handkerchief Moody . " I nearly gasped , because I had been brought up hearing all about Handkerchief Moody , and that we were directly related to him . Past Life Informs Present Relationships June 15 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment As a therapist who writes about psychological issues I have to make the decision : do I use client material or talk about my family members to illustrate issues . Since most clients come because they have been badly hurt one way or another in their families of origin I would be violating and re - wounding them to use their experiences . So … my grown children graciously have allowed me to use some of their material to illustrate concepts from time to time . You may or may not know that the girls ' names have been changed in my book The Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir . This gives each daughter a little privacy . In years past I trained with Roger Woolger , a certified Jungian analyst , to do past life therapy . He has become an authority in this form of past life regression work . I did not finish the training because he believed that the way to free a person from the strangulation of past life energy was to have the client relive the trauma and release that captured energy by fighting , screaming , cursing , beating something - whatever it took to release the charge . I have a hard time forcing someone to re - experience that kind of pain and so I backed away , but during the training I was required to do a lot of regressions with my fellow students . The upshot is I have experienced lives with all of my children including the adopted daughter and my step - children . Most amazing and informative ! Let me share at least one of these stories . These stories have helped me better understand why my children respond to me in the ways that they do . Remember , I said at the start of this blog that past life informs present relationships . The past life story scene opens with me as a very young wife standing at the door of a hallway and I am about to hand a bowl of hot soup to Whitley Dresser , the man who was our psychic reader in the book store , Merlin Books , that we owned in this present lifetime . In the story he was old and cranky and miserable to live with . He took the bowl of soup , and as it was too hot for him , he threw it in my face . I was hurt and outraged . When I could get away , I went to see my father who had arranged this marriage to this much older man . I told him how cruel my husband was and that I wanted to leave and come home . Life was terrible . He soothed me as best he could but told me to stay , that the old man would not live too much longer and then I would be financially well off . I grudgingly did what my father insisted I do . Sure enough , death came after not too long a time and I was free and well to do . There was a young lawyer whom I had seen driving a single horse drawn cabriolet down our street in Paris , France and I loved the way he handled his horse and the gleam of his shiny black carriage . Soon we happened to meet and eventually married . The lawyer was Sy Kessler in this life . It was a rewarding life and we had a daughter and a son . Our time together was peaceful . As the children grew older I had less responsibility and so I began to write . I was rather good at writing and began to have my material published in the manner of the day , under a pseudonym name . I joined other writers and became enthralled with the accolades and the attention . Something made me think that I would have more exposure in England and so I left Sy and my home in France and went to England to pursue my career . My daughter ( Elizabeth in this life ) denounced me for leaving her father and I never saw her again after I left France . The son ( Felicia in this life ) was a bit more forgiving and would come once and again to see me in England . I actually did not fare well in England and died alone in a garret room of tuberculosis . I never saw Sy or Elizabeth again in that life . Now the connections : When Whitely Dresser came to ask me for a job at Merlin Books I rejected him almost immediately . It was only after I could not get the man out of my head , something about him was familiar , that I asked him back to do a psychic reading for me . And as I say in the book , A Bird and the Dragon , he became the backbone of our store . Positive payback ? ! ! In this life , when I asked Elizabeth 's father , the Rev . Harvard Lesser , for a divorce she simply turned away from me . As a child she was very close and in the book I refer to her as my apron strings child . This was crushing for me and doing this regression helped me better understand . She also in this life grew to be close to Sy and when he died she was tied up at work , did come to the memorial service , but skipped the casting of his ashes because she wanted to remember him as he was . Passion in Marriage June 8 , 2017June 8 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ 2 Comments Part of the job of a writer , especially of a self - published book , is to get the word out to the public . That involves passive advertising like my writing a blog each week about people or events that relate back to my first book , The Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir . The other effort needed is to do public speaking . I 'm doing an Author Talk Monday evening , June 12 , 2017 , 6 : 30 p . m . , at the Waterford Public Library , on Rt . 156 , 49 Rope Ferry Road , in Waterford , CT . Those of you living in the eastern half of Connecticut know where I will be and hopefully my other readers will get the gist of that talk with the story in this blog . The title of my talk is " Sweethearts Forever . " Now , forever is a long time and those of you who are married are saying good luck with that topic ! But what I want to bring to your attention is that there is passion in a first or second meeting . And when you are in your teens and early twenties , that passion is about sex and physical connection . As we age we begin to recognize that there is an emotional passion , and for some a spiritual passion . Believe me , emotional and spiritual passion lasts the longest - maybe forever . When you are young and first in love you can hardly keep your hands off of each other . As we mellow we begin to recognize the comfort and lasting connection in a knowing glance given by a loving partner from across the room . For my talk I had overlarge bookmarks made to help me get my point across to my audiences . It consists of a star of sorts and words . I showed it to Annie , our youngest daughter when she was here to get her opinion . She approved and we went on to other things . I wanted to show her one of the uses for the card and then I couldn 't find it . She asked , " What are you looking for , The Love Star ? " I hadn 't given the bookmark a name but she was exactly right . It is a Love Star . This is what I 'm calling emotional passion . There are certain traits that involved individuals need to have for sexual passion to move to emotional passion . That is what I plan to talk about on Monday evening . Oh , and by the way , any and all of you are invited to come . my husband Sy and me , I 'm going to talk here about the relationship between my grandparents . I 've talked about my grandmother , Mary Emma so this is a peek into her more private life . I 've had my house up for sale for two years now and with it not selling I began to realize for some reason my God wants me here , so I 've been unpacking the books I 'd cleared out of the living room in an effort to make the room less " dark and cluttered . " As I put books back on the bookshelves I found my grandmother 's book , Mary Emma of the Square House . I think I 've mentioned before in my blog that my grandmother wrote a book about her life and when she sent it off to a publisher he sent it back saying the language was too old fashioned for him to risk publishing the book . She put it away and it saw no light until my cousin and his wife came across the manuscript . My grandmother 's middle son then stepped forward and encouraged the couple to edit the manuscript and he would help them financially to have it published . That was done and now each of her descendants has the story of Mary Emma 's life to hold in their hands and hearts . " It was not a case of love at first sight . I knew nothing of the fine old family behind him , and saw only an unusually tall , blond and somewhat self - conscious youth . I think he was attracted by my ability to read and recite , rather than by myself . He paid me some slight attention and I was unimpressed . " Farther on my grandmother states , " I am sure I was not in love in a romantic sense . I simply liked him . I think he felt much the same toward me . We preferred each other 's company … . One day he asked me to marry him ; it was the thought of a home that won . I told him I would marry him if the time ever came that he could provide a home . … that night , I took the little gold pen that had been his last Christmas gift and wrote , " Mary Gould Moody . " I did not like the addition to my name , and I comforted myself before I slept with the thought that he never would be able to provide a home . … . I was wrong . " " The next night I sent again for the doctor … " He { meaning Charles } had been anxious about himself all this afternoon , " I said . " Of course he had not reason to be . " " I cannot go over that dreadful day of March 17 , 1910 . He fought with everything he had but my Charlie went to his rest before it closed . The heart had failed to take the strain . " I hope that you can hear through Mary Emma 's words how their relationship moved over the years from the passion of youth , or apparent lack thereof , to the emotional passion of mid - life . I grew up knowing my grandfather Charlie , because my grandmother 's love for him extended past the fact that my mother never laid eyes on her father , with his passing before she was born . And so I come back to my Love Star . The two most important things in that star are the Respect at the top of the star and Time at the bottom of the star . My grandparents had great respect for each other and I hope you can hear it through her limited words , here . Time can be seen in many ways . I am meaning in my talk , the time to devote to each other . This couple devoted time to each other around caring for and raising their children . Their life was really hard which you would learn if you had access to the book but they never blamed one another or belittle one another . They were honest and kind to one another . Those are the next two qualities on the Love Star that are essential to a lasting emotionally passionate relationship . Love is Not Enough ! June 2 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment If you have been through a divorce or , worse , have lost a beloved spouse to death , you feel emotionally very shaky about your worth and your ability to move forward in the world . Then , miracle of miracles , you meet someone special and the two of you hit it off very well . You seem to have a lot in common ; you value many of the same things and as the relationship develops you find you can learn to like the things that are different about the two of you . He likes baseball : you 'd rather stay home and read a book but the two of you find a way to compromise on these issues . This person seems like a perfect mate to help you raise your children . Your mother always told you to pick someone with common interests ! ! Next , we bring the children together and they are tense at first but then they seem to find common ground and you think , ' the expression that love is enough , seems to be true . ' That is until the wedding bells have rung and we all now live in the same house . So often a couple is so smitten with each other that they turn a blind eye to the tensions growing between the children . He says , " Give them time . They 'll figure it out . " So you look away and the troubles in the house grow larger . No ! They won 't figure it out because the children have never been in this situation where they now have to share their parent with someone else as well as share them with other children . ( There could have been a second parent in the previous household but if it is a divorce these parents were not on equal ground and the children know this . With a death it is a bit different . ) And you thought sibling rivalry was bad in your own first little family ! ! Children have to see the parents setting the path of communication , acceptance ( and that is acceptance of the other person 's children ) , patience , and basically what you do in these relational situations . And then we come to that ugly word : structure . Yes , children need structure ; sometimes only so that they have something to rail against , but it truly does make them feel safer . It is hard on you to hold the line but you must do that if you want well - functioning adults to come out of this combined household . The greater world doesn 't give in to temper tantrums . building a common history . My husband Sy and I did many activities with our children to help start this process of common history . One event that didn 't make it into my first book , A Bird and the Dragon , Their Love Story : A Memoir is ' bacon in the back seat . ' I believe it was the Memorial Day weekend and Sy and I had decided we would take the girls on a picnic . We had found a state park with a pond , picnic area , and space to play games if they so desired . With girls of their ages they wanted to lie in the sun and stock the boys - from the safety of their beach blankets . I got it into my head that one of the items on the picnic list was scallops wrapped in bacon . The girls had loved them when I had done them once at home so I started out to make these delicacies while Sy got stuck rounding up much of the rest of the picnic and the paraphernalia . And of course the bacon didn 't want to stay wrapped on the scallops and the scallops all wanted to cook at different speeds and it was becoming long and not so successful . We finally got everything loaded into the red Chevrolet cargo van along with all the girls in bathing suits , with towels and extra clothes . As we drove toward the park the sky was getting darker and darker . I 'm beating myself up inside because my need for perfection had set us behind by a good bit . Just as we pulled into the parking lot the sky opened up and it poured rain . You could hear the outraged disappointment from the back of the van . " We 're going to have to turn around and go home ! " one girl said . Then I heard , " We drove all this way to go swimming and now we can 't ! Some picnic ! ! " Someone else said my exact thoughts , " What was all the bother for ? The picnic is ruined . " And then my Beloved said , " What do you mean the picnic is spoiled ? I 'm not turning around and driving home ! " I looked at him in surprise because he often wanted things to go " right . " And he said back to my glance , " We 're going to spread out the blanket in the back of the van , open the back doors so you can hang your feet out into the rain , and lay out our picnic there on the blanket . " their bare feet wet and when they tired of that they curled up on the seats and told ghost stories , and gossiped and I was amazed . They needed structure : the picnic . Then they needed to see that a picnic could be done in a different way . And lastly they needed to see that the parents didn 't blame each other but came up with an alternative plan . There was no " drama ! " Just good clean fun ! ! Yes structure , acceptance , and flexibility - you can survive a blended family . Grief : However it Comes May 25 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment The title of my book A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir almost tells you that there is going to be an ending in the story . And what I tried to focus on as I wrote was the little things that happened between my husband Sy and me as well as events around us that created our Love Story . Some of it has to do with the character of the people involved but much of it is just the nitty - gritty of two people living with five daughters all champing at the bit to be grown up and doing life their way . Then we come to the end of the story and yet the story goes on in a different time and space . I don 't have to tell you that a sudden unexpected death was like some great force had taken my beautiful rug , called home , and torn it out from under me . An incident that you will read about in Sissy 's Story : Inside a Child 's Long Term Illness tells of me at the age of six having to go to the big city every three months to be checked over and to have blood drawn to ensure the doctors that I was indeed recovering from the Rheumatic Fever . This particular time the doctor was to A Doctor with a Syringe draw the blood and when he inserted the needle he caught the vein in my arm crosswise and the pain was excruciating and yet I didn 't cry . He pulled the needle back , apologized profusely , and tried again . By this time my arm was burning and aching . But I didn 't cry . Afterwards everyone told me how brave I was and I think that imprinted me with the message that I shouldn 't cry no matter how bad the pain . As a therapist I know otherwise but sometimes those old childhood lessons are stronger . So I didn 't cry much when Sy died . I anguished inside and then set to work trying to put my world back into some order . The fact that I wasn 't able to cry and flush my emotional system has driven a lot of that heart pain into my body , so that I 'm in pain most days . For about four months after he died I didn 't feel him anywhere around me . It was just a void ; but then gradually I started to talk to his picture on the night stand beside where I sleep . I 'd cry some but then move on to an accounting of the day 's events just as we used to talk at coffee time . One night when Annie , our youngest daughter was staying over with me to get me back " in order " and sleeping in the guest room , she called to me . " Are you talking to Dad ? " And she responded , " I thought so because he hasn 't blinked my light , tonight . " ( I knew she was referring to the fact that both my mother and Sy , who have passed over , will blink a light in my house whenever they want us to know that they have come for a visit . And they don 't use the same lights ! I believe I 've talked about this phenomenon in an earlier blog . ) Each day was filled with the have - to - does , groceries , meals , laundry , letters , and you name it . The pain in my mid - section didn 't go away and I questioned most everything I was doing or was going to have to do : Thanksgiving , first Christmas in a new home , dessert hour for my new neighbors , my daughter 's second wedding , the sources of money , the getting his will probated and the list goes on . By the time I 'd gotten almost to that first year anniversary of his death I think the numbness was wearing off and the depression was coming . That 's why I started to write the book , to give me company in the old memories and to give Robbie , the youngest grandson , a grandfather he could hold onto as an adult . Actually it has given all of my children and grandchildren back their father and grandfather . Felicia , next to the youngest daughter , said to me yesterday , " Yeah , I 've been reading the book , a little at a time , and it is so good to have Sy back even if it is only for a moment . " But with all of these efforts and the struggles to get the book published and out to the public the pain had moved to the heart and was a low muddy river riding along at the bottom of my heart . I 've thought about , I 've even written about , what would happen to that heart if someone else should step into my life and I knew that the river would continue to flow , maybe a brook , but still there . I 'm not one to take medication unless it is absolutely necessary and so I assumed that this would be the condition for the rest of my life . promotional material from a Bill Harris , founder of Centerpointe , in Oregon , offering me a chance to listen to his musical CD 's that were programmed to create new pathways in the brain and gradually help me to change my behaviors that were not really working well . In a sense his CD 's help the right and left hemisphere of the brain to begin talking back and forth . He promised all sorts of changes and like always I said " Yeah , Right ! ! " But I signed up for his first set of CD 's and started listening . About three weeks into doing this daily routine I was putzing around the house doing my chores and I thought , " The pain in my heart ; where is it ? The pain has gone ! ! " And then I did another " Yeah ! Right ! Let 's wait until tomorrow . " And I checked in the next day and it was gone . Small wonder ! Then I had the fear that I was going to forget Sy but that has not proven to be the case . Apparently my brain has recognized that grieving endlessly even if I 'm doing it silently isn 't helping me . And I 'm the one that is still alive and here on earth wrestling with the everyday . So I might as well begin to have fun with my situation . I 'm sharing this with you because you have to know that all of us grieve differently . There is sometimes a song , or a picture or a place or one of my children saying to me " Wear it well , " when I have bought a new piece of clothing , and I hear Sy 's voice and have to fight back the tears - just for a moment . Some people cry and moan , some get sick , some get angry at everyone most especially themselves ; and those of you that are surrounding this person or are there yourself need to remember we all grieve differently and in our own time . I shared my experience with a girlfriend last week who lost her husband a few years before me and she looked at me and said . " Well , it 's been almost four years for you , and the pain should be easing up . " I didn 't know there was a timeline and I really feel that the Holosync CD 's have played a large part in the change . Bless the creator of this material . Prebirth Imprints Set Core Beliefs May 18 , 2017May 18 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ 4 Comments If you have read my first book A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir you have stumbled across the fact that I was afraid of a lot of things through the story . First I was afraid that Sy , my second husband might be as difficult as my first husband , Harvard Lesser . Then I was afraid that I wouldn 't be able to raise these five girls that were to become our blended family . I was afraid that I wouldn 't be accepted for my first counseling job at the counseling center in Medfield , CT . , and so it goes . I took a little quiz that came across my computer a few days ago and at the end I was told that I had been " imprinted with fear " when I was a child , and if I took this woman 's workshop I would be able to rid myself of that imprint . Unfortunately her workshop runs at the same time I have to be writing this blog to get it to you on time this week . So instead of being upset that I couldn 't attend I began to think about where could this fear imprint have come from ? I am also a therapist , as is the teacher of the workshop , so I started rummaging around in my bag of goodies . Out popped my grandmother , Mary Emma Moody . Okay , so how is she involved in this imprinting ? Back when Grandmother was carrying my mother Jordan Elizabeth Moody she was living on a dirt farm in Colorado with a husband that was just recovering from tuberculosis . They had five children and Mary Emma was pregnant with the sixth child , Jordan . My grandfather Charles Moody died of pneumonia five months before my mother was born , leaving Mary Emma to raise five children and a new baby on a scratch - dirt farm , alone . Can you imagine the grief and then the fear this woman must have suffered as she carried my mother : how to feed six children on a dirt - farm , how to survive without a husband , where would any money for food and seed come from , who would provide the labor for the farm ? The list is endless . And I know from my counseling training that whatever the mother is feeling and thinking most of the time as she carries a child is absorbed by the fetus . up her children after a year or so and brought them East where she could live with a brother until she could find housing . My grandmother took in laundry for a living and set up a laundry in the basement of the home she rented . This woman had to have been exhausted most of the time when my mother was growing up . So if my mother had any fears she wasn 't free to share them because her mother was too tired to be a support . My mother has told me that my grandmother held all the children very close to her because of fears that the boys would stray in a city environment and get into trouble . So now you are seeing a history of hard work and fear . As things evolved I turned out okay but with my own issues to conquer . You can see clearly that there is indeed an imprint of fear in my life . So my job moving forward is finding ways to understand this imprint and to challenge myself to move beyond those fears . I can tell you about one activity to take me out of my comfort zone and that is the public speaking I must do to promote my book . So if you want to help me with this ' fear imprint ' please find organizations who would like to hear me speak on some of the things I know about relationships , loving , accepting other people 's children , and building a blended family . Maybe together , we 'll help me get rid of this imprint ! P . S . My grandfather Charlie Moody called my grandmother May instead of the Mary so this is where I got half of my name . If you look at the picture of my grandmother and then of me you can see I was meant to carry her name . When the Wheels Come Off the Wagon May 13 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment Those who have read my book A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir have already met and seen pictures of my mother Jordan Elizabeth Sanderson . But in this blog I 'd like to take you from the woman pictured in the book to the woman who passed away at ninety - eight years old . Some of this may sound sacrilegious and I hope I can present this without that happening . Many of you may have taken care of an aging parent or spouse and perhaps my stories will help you . My mother spent her last seven years in our home with my husband , Sy and me , along with our grandchildren , in the apartment above us or at our dinner table . Looking back , I have to admire her fortitude to move from the town she had known since she was a new bride at eighteen to our town where she was not free to explore because she had already given up her car . Once she had moved in with us , one of my first vivid memories is of her standing beside me in my kitchen saying , " What can I do to help ? " The question was simple but not so the answer . My mother had essential tremor in her later years and it was worse when she was stressed . ( Yes , living in my house with me could create a bit of stress . ) Mother was also a little stooped in posture at this point . Not thinking , I responded , " Well , Mom , you could help me by peeling and cutting up these vegetables for supper . " I set about putting a cutting board at the table , my style of peeler , which she had never used before , along with my best paring knife , a dish for the vegetables , and I pulled up a chair . She stood looking at the set - up and then she said , " I can 't do that , " and she walked away . I was livid . She asked to help . She knew how to fix vegetables . She 'd done it all of my life . What was her problem ? ! ! She went back to her room and I did the vegetables and fumed . I never asked her to cut vegetables again . By the next day I had figured out that she was used to standing to work but because she was stooped I assumed it would be easier for her to sit . She 'd never done it that way and didn 't have the language any longer to tell me that . She was also afraid that she would cut herself when she was not in her accustomed position for doing the task . But again , either she hadn 't figured out why she couldn 't cut vegetables and then told me , or she couldn 't find the words . Both things happen to a person as they age . And on my side I assumed rather than asking , because I remembered a vital woman who cooked every day ! afternoon on her bed and my sister had been at the house helping me go through my mother 's clothes and weeding many of them out to be given to family members and Good Will . I knew this was painful for my mother to watch since she loved her clothes - one of her few indulgences . The next day I was doing the job alone . My mother was again resting on her bed and I took an armful of clothes out to the other room . As I hung them up I heard this horrible thud and rushed back to the bedroom . My mother was on the floor beside her bed . I asked if she was alright and she said that she thought she was fine . I asked if she could get back up onto the bed . She could and as she sat there I checked her for any bruising . I didn 't ask what happened because it was late in the afternoon and I knew she would not be as cognizant then as she would be next morning . So , next morning when she had had her breakfast , was washed - up , dressed and had made her bed , I went into her room and knelt down in front of where she was sitting . " Mom , what happened yesterday when you fell off the bed ? " She looked at me for half a minute trying to recall and then she said , " Well , I was out riding on this horse and I don 't know what happened but something must have spooked him . He rose up on his hind legs and threw me right off . I landed with a horrible thud but nothing seemed to be broken . So there you have it . That 's what happened ! " It was all I could do not to giggle . I started to correct her and then I realized that maybe she had been dreaming when she fell and that 's where the story came from , or maybe she just made it up on the spot . It didn 't matter . It was her story ! ! And I expect it diverted her from the pain of seeing her beloved clothes leaving her closet . The next incident happened much closer to the end of her stay with us . Mother had been with us for about five years and I don 't remember her ever mentioning my father during that time . Everyone in their community called him Fred but she called him Freddie ; the name she knew when she was a girl of twelve visiting on his parent 's farm . In my house with Sy , her bedroom was right off the living room . Mother was sitting on the couch in the living room and it was beginning to get late . I said , " Mom , it 's time for you to be getting ready for bed . " I was taken aback since she 'd been going from where she sat to her bedroom for years . " Your bedroom is right here , Mom . " I pointed her in the right direction . My wheels spun and I said , " Yes , he does . He knows you are here . " ( He 'd been dead for some twenty - five years . ) The last incident was close to the end . We were having a conversation about something - I don 't remember now - and suddenly what came out of my mother 's mouth was all gobbledygook . She looked at me a bit bewildered and tried to say her thought again . This time it still came out so garbled there were no words . She looked frightened . " Mom , look at me . The wheels are coming off the wagon ! " For a moment her face was blank and then she broke into peals of laughter . " You 're right , " she said . " The wheels are coming off my wagon ! " The Pecking Order Matters May 5 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment As you read my first book , A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir you are quickly introduced to our family of five daughters . I 've had the opportunity to observe closely their developing personalities in terms of their psychology and how that shapes how they put their experiences to use in their adult lives . Then you add thirty years in " the chair " and after a while you begin to see patterns in family relationships and how those patterns influence one 's adult behavior . I 've told you before that the hearts on the tree on the cover of my book represent each daughter , so as you read my stories associate them with one of the hearts : Cora is green , May is red , Elizabeth is blue , Felicia is yellow , and Annie is lavender / pink . Cora [ Green ] is the oldest in both the original family and in the family that my husband Sy and I created with our marriage . As the oldest she strives to make sure she is doing what she believes we parents want her to accomplish . She pushes herself hard and she expects the younger siblings to follow her lead . Leadership is usually associated with the oldest child . They are trying to please those neophyte parents . The upshot is the younger children often find that oldest child to be bossy and know - it - all , while the oldest child feels they are responsible for the younger ones or sometimes for everything . In their adult life they may be controlling because they have already cut the path for others and wonder why the others don 't want to follow , such as a husband . They get angry when the husband bucks them . After all they KNOW how it should be done . May [ Red ] was the oldest child in the original family with me and so she carries some of the attributes of the oldest child such as being a ground breaker and cutting a path , but then in the family created by Sy and I she is the second child who either tries harder to achieve than the first or doesn 't try at all because it 's been done before . May also has the added burden of being next to the youngest in her biological family . [ She had the opportunity to meet her biological mother and some of her siblings and half siblings a few years ago . ] The upshot for May is that she doesn 't have a clear picture of what role she should play in life and therefore how she should relate to people in her adult life . She vacillates from knowing - it - all to being helpless and believing she can 't solve her problems . Elizabeth [ Blue ] is the second child in her original family and the third in the family that Sy and I created . She also carries some of the biological first child characteristics because biologically she is the first child - May was adopted and although she was a family member before Elizabeth arrived , the DNA seems to override here . Elizabeth is the problem solver and has that know - it - all quality because she is the first to push through the womb . At the same time you sometimes see her retreat within the family to the position of the forgotten middle child . I feel her loneliness in that position because during some of my childhood I was that middle child . She expects men to understand her and then she retreats so they can 't find her . Felicia [ Yellow ] was the third child in her original family and as such was the baby . In the family that Sy and I created she is next to the youngest child . So she has those qualities of waiting to be told what to do as the younger or baby seems to demonstrate , while she can lord it over the next child down because she is not the baby in the blended family . A child in this position will vacillate from some of the qualities of the oldest ; built - in leadership and then helpless to solve a problem because someone else always solved it for you . Annie [ Lavender / Pink ] was the youngest child both in her family of origin and in the family Sy and I created . She is the ' darling ' and uses that at the same time she feels that she is not respected for what she knows because the others always seem to have learned it first . I can relate to these feelings too , because for nine years I also was the youngest in my family of origin . Annie strives hard to show that she is intelligent , can problem solve , and is of value . What is seen for both Annie and Felicia is there is a tendency to ask permission to do things in their marital family because that was their role in their blended family . What happens when as an adult you ask permission to do something of your spouse , the partner assumes the role of the parent and okays or denies your request as your parents did . This reinforces the feelings of not having your own authority or not being good enough , left over from childhood . If you want more information about this Parent / Adult / Child behavior pattern go to my website and click on the Tidbits access . This will take you to the index of articles and around February 15 , 2017 I did the Tidbit Column on " Parent , Adult , Child ! " Happy reading ! The Aha Moment April 28 , 2017 ~ MyLittleBird123 ~ Leave a comment Much of my first book , A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir is about the adventures of raising five preteen and teenage daughters . And there were so many nicks and crannies we could have fallen into but I think we missed most of them . It was either that or there was enough of a glow between us that it shut out our awareness of some of the crannies . We all moved into the Ugly Green House , which you saw in last week 's blog , a week before my second husband , Sy and I said our marriage vows to one another . We were wise and set things up so that I had the girls during the February school vacation with our wedding coming at the end on Saturday . My mother had their care during the next week when the girls would be back in school and we would be on our honeymoon . Sy , I , and the girls had spent many of the preceding weekends at my home in Grows Town so my being with the girls while Sy was at work seemed like a great way to start our time together . By Wednesday of that week , I locked myself in the downstairs bathroom and cried hysterically because I could not manage the monsters that were swarming around outside my door . Sweet , loving , cooperative girls : I 'm not sure where they had flown to but they weren 't in my house ! I , of course , had forgotten that they were just as excited and afraid as I , of what this marriage might bring to all of us . Now let 's fast forward a bit : the girls had ended high school , moved on to college of some sort or beyond , and the new lovers had entered the picture . Men always seem to complicate things for us women . But the thing that touched me was that as each of the girls got close to closing in on a lifetime partner they came to me and asked , " How did you know that Daddy / Sy was right for you ? " I first tried , " You just know ! " And then I said , " Well , ask yourself , could you live the rest of your life happily without this person ? " But in retrospect I remember that I also looked for the Aha Moment . Sy and I hadn 't married yet and he asked me to come with him to his " Dog 's Night Out " dinner group which I mentioned in A Bird and the Dragon . I met many of the men that he worked with and their wives . I didn 't die in the process and some of my shyness eased . By the second invitation I was interested in going . When we stepped into the room everyone yelled Surprise ! and Sy got that funny smirk on his face as he leaned into me and said , " I didn 't know for sure but this appears to be our wedding shower . " The food was good , the laughter fun , and then it came to the gifts . As Sy handed me the second gift I got a little shiver , but hardly noticed it , and started to wrestle with the paper and the box . Sy took ahold of the box for me and I pulled out a brown wooden curved mantle clock . I had to fight back the tears because it was a duplicate of the clock that sat on the mantle for all of my days in my childhood home . I had fond memories of watching my father reset it every time we moved into daylight savings time and back . He 'd stand by the mantle waiting patiently for all the chimes to ring before he moved the hands to the next position . In that instant I got that Aha shimmer . This is the right man for my life . God or my guides are reassuring me . The next Aha Moment came when I took Sy home to meet my mother . This story is also in A Bird and the Dragon . After lunch my mother was doing her cross examination and discovered that Sy was born on the same date as her mother , Mary Emma Gould Moody , whom you have met before in my blogs . [ In the above picture Mary Emma , my Grandmother is in the center . My mother Jordan Elizabeth is standing behind her mother 's right shoulder , Ralph Moody , the author you have heard about before , behind my mother , and their siblings to left and right . ] Mary Emma was very much the head of our extended family . And the fact that Sy 's birthday was the same as her birthday gave him an open door into the family . I 'm only sorry that my grandmother was no longer alive to meet Sy in person . But I know that by now she knows him well , on the other side of the veil . Having the same birthdays was another Aha Moment for me . The third Aha Moment came months after I 'd married Sy and I had driven into Nerme to do my grocery shopping . I was pushing my cart up one of the isles and saw this woman with light red hair standing contemplating something on one of the shelves . She moved her hand up to her face and in that instant I thought , ' I know that gesture , that face . ' But I couldn 't pull up where I had seen this before . Curious , I wheeled my cart around to the other side of that display and then back up toward Toddler Birdie Sanderson [ author ] JessieMay Kesslerthe woman . As I got even with her she turned and said , " Birdie , is that you ? " [ I was nick - named ' my little bird ' by my grandmother as a toddler and the Birdie , which I hated , remained with me up until I went to school . ] I countered with , " Betty , is that you ? " It was indeed Betty . Betty Graves had an older brother and sister that ran with my older brother and sister in high school in the little nowhere town where we all grew up in Massachusetts . [ I 've called it Sharkerton in my books . ] Not only did Betty 's siblings know my siblings , Betty was my 4 - H Club leader when I was eleven and twelve and she was sixteen and seventeen . We chatted and caught up on life events until we got to the fact that she was now the wife of the minister in the Nerme church that Sy , I , and the girls were about to check out as our new church . This was a very large Aha Moment ! How in the world did God ever pull this one off ? Assurance in spades to the fact that Sy and I were meant to be together . Some teachers in the metaphysical world teach that there is a feeling associated with these kinds of events which I call the Aha Moment . Other teachers say that you actually get a shiver or see a shimmer of light when an event like the ones I 've shared , happen to you . Whichever way you receive your information , your mind , heart , or soul are getting confirmation on some issue . Have any of you out there experience something like I 've presented here when you were dating , or courting , or on some other quest ? Tell me ! Tell me ! In case you haven 't guessed by now , I love stories ! My chain of events that fit this concept started back when I was married the first time to Rev . Harvard Lesser . If you have read my book A Bird and the Dragon : Their Love Story : A Memoir you know that I married a minister right out of college and within a year or so of being his wife we began to try to have children . If you 've read one of my previous blogs about keeping my butterfly you know that having children didn 't start out so well . But that is not where this blog is headed . Harvard and I , along with however many children were with us at the time , would head off to visit my mother in Massachusetts . Sometimes we went because she was lonely or I was , or because it was Thanksgiving which was her big holiday . Many times as we made the turn off of Route 32 heading north to later connect with Route 12 , I would look at the large house on the corner of that intersection and think to myself , ' I wonder who lives there ? I wonder what they do and what they are like . That house looks so homey to me . ' I never happened to share my thoughts with Harvard because he wasn 't into that sort of day dreaming stuff . Now hold that thought for further along in this story . Later , in the marriage to Harvard , he was having a hard time with the church in Grows Town where he was serving as the youth minister and eventually he was given a choice , which ultimately resulted in his leaving the ministry for a while . He went into a deep depression and was virtually a house zombie for most of that winter . The following spring I was out and about doing errands when I ran into this gentleman who wanted to sell me World Book Encyclopedias and I turned him down . But when he asked if I knew of anyone who might want a job selling encyclopedias I answered , " Yes . " I told him about Harvard , that he had worked as a minister but was now taking some time away . It wasn 't too much later when this same gentleman showed up at our door and began a cold sell to see if he could enlist Harvard to become a salesman for the company . Ultimately , Harvard joined the company and sold World Book Encyclopedias for several years . Now , Harvard 's temperament was generally fairly even , although he was talkative , except during those times when someone had made him very upset and he would have ( as I 've called it before ) a hissy - fit . So this particular evening when he got home from selling I was surprised at how quiet he was and noted his spirit seemed down . " Harvard , is there something wrong ? " I asked . He dodged my question at first but then he came out with it . " Well , I 'd gotten a teacher from the school where this couple have their children and I enlisted her to get us in the door . It is a technique that we use all the time . When the wife discovered that I was there to sell World Book instead of talking about one of their children she went ballistic . As her husband came back from the kitchen with a glass of water for me , he quickly understood what was going on and insisted that we leave . " Now we move several years forward in the story . I 've met Sy in the divorce group and we have begun to date and share stories from our pasts . My children , who of course are going back and forth to visit with their father , Harvard , were busy filling him in on all the details of their mother 's new romance . One day as he returned my girls from their visit he asked if I had a moment to talk and I invited him into the kitchen . He said , " I was wondering , does your new boyfriend live in Nerme in a big blue house sort of set on a hill with a swing set off to the left of the house ? No longer being as compassionate towards Harvard as I was before , I responded with , " Isn 't that amazing ! What a small world ! " I 'm not sure my comment gave Harvard what he wanted , but his information certainly surprised me . [ The first waltz in my recognition that Sy and I were together because of God 's timing , not ours . ] Later , as Sy and I shared more of our history I discovered that while I was a new bride in the old farmhouse parsonage of Harvard 's first parish , Sy was newly returned from serving his country and was going on the GI bill to college at University of CT . The parsonage sat high on the hill above Route 32 and Sy was driving up and down Route 32 almost daily from the lower end of Connecticut to the college . When he first told me I said , " Why didn 't you wave when you went by ? " and he replied , " You didn 't tell me you were up there waiting for me ! " [ Waltz two in our dance on God 's time . ] Okay , now to the house on the corner . In A Bird and the Dragon I talk about trying to find someone to care for our girls while we take a mini vacation to go introduce Sy to my sister PollyAnne and her family in central Vermont . We had a lot of trouble finding someone who would babysit the girls on a Halloween weekend . Finally , Sy 's in - laws , Bootsie and Joe , said they could take the girls . The car was packed , the girls were loaded in and we are driving along Route 32 heading north . As we made the turn in the road that Harvard and I always took going to my mother 's , Sy waved his hand in the direction of my day - dream house and said , " Bootsie and Joe moved not too long ago but they used to live in that big house right on the corner . " I think my mouth fell open at that point and all I could say was , " I 've always loved that house ! " [ Waltz three in God 's timing . ] Have you ever had these kinds of experiences with someone close to you ? It really makes me believe that there is a plan to our lives which is ever unfolding and it is up to us to figure out and do our part to bring it to fruition , even if we don 't understand the plan . I 'd like to hear about your stories of finding your intimate connections to important people in your lives . P . S . The featured image as my Topper is looking across the Nashoba River Valley from east to west . And if you look very closely there is a perpendicular white spec about a fourth of the way from the right of the picture . That is the water tower that provided the water for the boys at the Industrial School for Boys , in Shirley ( Shakerton ) Massachusetts and was just above my parent 's retirement home . The Industrial School has been leveled and in it 's place is a maximum security prison , which was on the news last night ( April 19 , 2017 ) because of the suicide of a famous inmate , Aaron Hernandez . |
When I started this blog my daughter had a best friend named Dora . Dora lived with us . Dora was invisible . When I told my daughter , I was going to start a blog of stories for her , she asked me to write stories for Dora . So we called this blog Stories for Dora . Now , that my daughter has outgrown Dora , she has reclaimed her blog and we have changed the name to Stories for Aurella . So here are stories for my daughter and you . Celia Humbert was bored . She went looking for her older sister , Gordanna . As usual , Gordanna was on the phone . " Do you mind ? " Gordanna exclaimed angrily as Celia approached . She practically slammed the door in Celia 's voice . For lack of anything better to do , Celia hung around outside her sister 's door . She put her ear to the door and listened to Gordanna 's half of the conversation . Gordanna laughed into the phone . Celia was jealous . She couldn 't wait until she was old enough to call her friends and spend hours on the phone with them too just like Gordanna . " Nothing , mama . " said Celia quickly moving away from her sister 's door . She followed her mother off down the hall . When Mommy put the laundry down on her bed , Celia sat down beside it . " Celia ! " exclaimed Mommy giving her an unhappy look . Celia bounced off the bed and landed in front of the wooden night table . She starred at the cordless phone lying on the table . She thought about how much she wished she was old enough to spend hours on the phone like Gordanna and sighed heavily . " Nothing . " replied Celia . Her mother gave her a look that said she knew something was going on . Celia sighed again . She never could keep anything from her mother . " When am I going to be old enough to talk on the phone with my friends like Gordanna does ? " she asked finally . Mommy smiled . " Don 't be in such a rush to grow up . " she said . " It 'll happen before you know it . Celia frowned . That wasn 't much of an answer . She wanted to grow up now . She went off into her own room and picked up her little pink toy princess phone from out of her toy box . She pushed a bunch of buttons and then , put the phone to her ear . " Why , Hello Maryellen . " she said into the phone " It 's me , Celia . " Maryellen was her pretend friend . After a minute or two , she got bored . Real friends were better than pretend friends and real phone conversations were better than pretend ones too . It was no fun just talking to herself . She frowned and disappointedly threw the phone back into her toy box . She wanted to phone a friend for real . Celia went back to her mother 's room . Mommy smiled when Celia entered the room . " Are you feeling better ? " Mommy asked cheerfully . " I want to talk on the phone with my friends like Gordanna does ! " insisted Celia . " Can I ? Can I please call Bianca ? " she begged . Bianca Tate was her best friend . They 'd grown up together since they were babies . Mommy still didn 't think Celia was old enough to talk on the phone with her friends . " Maybe , when you 're a little bit older . " she said . Every day , after that , she asked her mother . " Am I old enough now ? " Her mother constantly put her off until one day , she finally wore her mother down . " Okay . " she said as Celia was sitting down to lunch and asking for the hundredth time when she could call Bianca on the phone . " after lunch , you can call Bianca . " " Yeah ! " cried Celia excitedly . She gulped down her milk and practically swallowed her peanut butter and jelly sandwich whole . As soon as she was done , she jumped out of her seat . " I 'm ready now , Mommy . " she said . She went into the living room and sat down on the couch . She made herself comfortable . Mommy helped her dial Bianca 's number . The phone rang twice and was picked up by Bianca 's mother . " Hello , Mrs . Tate . " Celia said politely into the phone . " Is Bianca there ? " Mommy nodded approvingly at Celia 's polite manner . After that , Celia didn 't say anything . Seconds went by and then minutes . Still , Celia did not say a word . Mommy couldn 't believe Bianca was doing that much talking . She was usually quite a shy and quiet little girl . Mommy put her ear near the phone . She didn 't hear anything . Apparently , Bianca wasn 't talking either . It was just dead silence . Celia was so happy though and so proud of herself . She sat there with the phone to her ear not saying anything and not hearing anything but with a huge wide smile on her face . Mommy couldn 't help smiling too . " It needs a charge . " replied Gordanna . She looked around and saw Celia on the phone and looked at her mother in surprise . Then , she waited a minute or two impatiently stamping her foot . " Is she really talking or what ? " asked Gordanna angrily when Celia still hadn 't said anything . She went over to Celia and leaned over and put her ear near the phone . There was still no sound coming from the other end of the phone either . " Mom ! " she whined . " She is not even having a conversation ! " It was mid December . Dulcie Wilcox and her mom and her older sister , Diandra were out shopping in the middle of the holiday rush . The mall was packed . Dulcie had never seen so many people or heard so much noise . She was scared , and she was tired . She held tightly to her favorite stuffed puppy Spot . Dulcie had Spot since she was 2 years old . Grandma and Grandpa gave it to her for her birthday . She loved the little brown fluffy dog from the moment she saw him . " Doggy Spot ! " she exclaimed excitedly as soon as she opened the brightly wrapped package and saw him . " Spot ! " repeated Dulcie stubbornly . Spot it was and Spot it stayed . From that moment on Spot was Dulcie 's favorite toy . She slept with him every night , and she took him everywhere with her . Now , it was 2 years later , and Spot was still Dulcie 's favorite toy . She didn 't care that by now his brown color was faded and he was missing one eye . She still took him everywhere and slept with him every night . She wouldn 't even let Mommy have him long enough to fix his eye . She barely let Mommy keep him long enough to wash him but when the smell of him became to strong , Mommy insisted on it . Dulcie felt like she was surrounded by giants . She looked up and found herself lost in a sea of strangers . She opened her mouth to cry . Just then , Diandra yanked her out of the crowd . " Come on . " she said . " You 're going to get lost . " Diandra picked up Dulcie and took her to their mother who was standing by the mall entrance . Dulcie was so relieved to see her mother that she burst into tears anyway . " It 's alright , baby . " Mommy soothed gently as she eased Dulcie out of Diandra 's arms and into her own . " We 're going home now . " She carried Dulcie in one arm and a bunch of packages in the other and headed out of the mall . Diandra followed closely behind with her arms full of packages as well . At the car , Mommy buckled Dulcie into her car seat . She was so tired from the ordeal of being at the mall that she immediately fell asleep . She awoke as they pulled up in their own driveway and started looking around worriedly . " Spot ! " she cried . " Mommy where is Spot ? " Diandra sighed unhappily . She hated that stupid spotless dog and the last thing she wanted to do was help look for it . Nevertheless , she did as she was told and started searching the back seat of the car . The stuffed puppy was nowhere to be found . Next , she searched the trunk . It wasn 't there either . She searched around the car in case it fell out when they were unloading but still no stuffed puppy . She went in the house . Dulcie stood by the door eagerly awaiting the return of her toy . She frowned when she saw Diandra 's empty hands . " Where 's Spot ? " she asked anxiously . A huge tear rolled down Dulcie 's face , followed by another and then another until she was full blown crying . She ran off to find her mother . She continued crying all the way . " Mommy ! Mommy ! " she cried sadly . " I need Spot . " Mommy sighed and nervously put her hand to her cheek . This was not good . This was not good at all . Even when she washed Spot , Dulcie stood by the washing machine and waited for him to come out . She didn 't know how they were going to get by with him missing . " We 'll go back to the mall and look for him tomorrow . " " Spot ! Spot ! " exclaimed Dulcie painfully . She wouldn 't stop crying so finally Mommy loaded them all back in the car and headed back to the mall . At the mall , they retraced their steps . This time it was even worse . The mall was even more crowded . They were all tired . Mommy and Diandra took turns carrying a crying Dulcie . When they were finished , they were completely wiped out with nothing to show for it . They still hadn 't found Spot . Mommy loaded them all back into the car , and they headed home . Dulcie cried all the way home . It broke Mommy 's heart . Even , Diandra actually felt bad for her sister by now . When they got home , Mommy gave Dulcie a bath . She put on Dulcie 's pajamas . She tucked Dulcie into bed with a kiss . All the while Dulcie continued to cry . Diandra felt even worse . She wanted to do something for her sister . She offered to let Dulcie sleep with any of her stuffed animals , but Dulcie didn 't want to . Diandra decided to go outside and look one more time . She was just about to come in the house when she spied a brown fluffy ear sticking out of the rosebushes next to the front steps . She went over and looked more closely . Sure , enough it was Spot . He must have fallen out of one of the packages when they came in the house . Diandra picked him up , dusted him off , and carried him excitedly into the house . " Dulcie ! " she cried rushing into the house . " Sh ! " said Mommy appearing at the top of the steps . " I finally got her to go to sleep . " She smiled when she saw that Diandra was carrying Spot . She let Diandra sneak into Dulcie 's room and stick Spot in her arms . Dulcie 's stirred and opened her eyes for a minute . " Spot . " she whispered happily hugging him tightly to her before closing her eyes again . Mommy and Diandra smiled . It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and Pippa Mitchell was bored . She wanted somebody to play with her . She went in to her big sister , Darla 's room and flopped herself down on the edge of her sister 's bed . Amelia as usual was on the phone . " Amelia , will you play with me ? " Pippa asked hopefully making her best wide eyed pouty lipped puppy dog face . Surely , even Amelia wouldn 't be able to resist that . Pippa slowly dragged herself out of her sister 's room and off to find somebody else . She found her brother , Grayson in the den watching TV . " Play with me Gray . " she pleaded plopping herself into her brother 's lap . Grayson let her stay in his lap but he didn 't take his eyes off the TV . " What are you watching ? " asked Pippa cheerfully . " Yes . " said Grayson . " Look at that ! " he exclaimed excitedly pointing to the screen . There was a car on the screen that looked to Pippa like any old red car . " It 's a classic 67 Mustang ! " explained Grayson . " Oh . " replied Pippa quietly sliding out of her brother 's lap and slipping out of the room . ' A show about cars ? How boring ' she thought to herself . She was already bored . She didn 't need help with that . She went into the kitchen . Her Mom was sitting at the table with a stack of cookbooks . " Mommy , will you play with me please ? " begged Pippa leaning over her . " I 'll help . " offered Pippa excitedly . She flopped into a chair and started looking through cookbooks too . " How about this ? " she asked eagerly pointing to a recipe for macaroni and cheese . Mommy gave Pippa a half smile . " Macaroni and cheese is your favorite meal not Grandma 's . " Pippa smiled back . She closed the cookbook she 'd been looking at , put it in a pile of books , and picked up another . " Pippa , please . " said Mommy looking up again from the book she 'd been looking at . She had a not very happy expression on her face . " You are mixing up the piles . " she said to Pippa . " Why don 't you go find something to do ? " Pippa stuck her lower lip out in a pout and slowly dragged herself out of the room . ' If I had something to do I 'd be doing it . ' she thought miserably . She went to find her Dad . She found him out in the garage sawing wood . " Hi Daddy . " she greeted him warmly . " Will you play with me ? " " I know you are , kitten . " replied Daddy , " but I 'm working with tools , and I don 't want you to get hurt . Go on and play . " He ushered Pippa away from his workspace . ' He thinks I 'm a baby . ' thought Pippa angrily . She went back into the house . She took out her Monopoly game and began moving the pieces around the board . Soon , Darla came in . " I 'll play . " she said sitting down beside her sister . Mommy came up the stairs and came to see what they were all doing in Pippa 's room . She sat down and decided to play too . " Did you find a recipe ? ' asked Pippa . " Hmm . " said Pippi thoughtfully . " Nobody wanted to play with me before . You all were busy . Now suddenly you 're not busy and everybody wants to play ? " She frowned at her family and then she quickly smiled . " I 'm okay with that . " she said . " Let 's play ! " Rhianna Dupre was 4 years old . Her sister , Jacinda was 8 . Rhianna adored her older sister . She wanted to be just like her . Jacinda loved to read . " I read a whole chapter book . " she said proudly to Grandma one afternoon when Grandma was visiting . Jacinda smiled happily as she wiped the lipstick stain off her cheek . " Thanks , Grandma , " she said truly grateful . She loved books , and she was always happy for the opportunity to get more . " Then , why don 't you read for us ? " asked Jacinda . She went into Rhianna 's room and grabbed a book . She handed it to Rhianna . It was Clifford the Big Red Dog . " Here , " she said , " why don 't you read this ? It 's one of your favorites . " She looked at Rhianna as if she were going to burst into laughter at any minute . Rhianna glared at her sister as she reluctantly took the book . She flipped the book open and silently prayed for the words on the page to pop into her brain . She starred at the book for a minute and pretended she was concentrating . Then , she began reciting the words as best as she could remember them . " Don 't worry . " Grandma said to Rhianna . " You ' 'll learn to read before you know it , and you 'll be reading as well as your sister . " That didn 't make Rhianna feel any better . She wanted to read now . For the next week , at every opportunity Rhianna begged to be read Clifford the Big Red Dog . Mommy read it to her . Daddy read it to her . Jacinda read it to her . Grandma read it to her . Even Jacinda 's friend read it to her . They all sat down on the big comfy living room couch . Rhianna opened the book and began reading . She read the whole book word for word and then closed it and smiled proudly at Grandma . " Why Rhianna ! I 'm so proud of you ! " exclaimed Grandma hugging Rhianna . Rhianna 's eyes sparkled and her smile lit up her whole face . Jacinda was still doubtful . Something did not seem quite right . She went up to Rhianna 's room and grabbed another book . She handed it to Rhianna . It was The Cat in the Hat . It was another of Rhianna 's favorites . " Aha ! " exclaimed Jacinda . " I knew you weren 't really reading ! You memorized that other book from hearing it so much . " She flitted off out of the room happy to have been proven right . Rhianna started to cry . Grandma tried to comfort her . " There , there , sweetie . " said Grandma gently patting her on the back . " Don 't worry . You 'll learn to read before you know it . " That did not make Rhianna feel one tiny bit better . " But I don 't want to read soon ! " she cried . " I want to read now ! " " m e . " said Rhianna pronouncing the letters separately , " m e . " she said again . " me . " she said finally . " me ! " she repeated excitedly . " Grandma ! " she exclaimed happily . " I read a word ! " " Teach me more ! " begged Rhianna . " Teach me more ! Teach me to read ! " They sat down on the couch and Grandma worked on teaching Rhianna to read . After that , every afternoon , when Rhianna came home from preschool , but Jacinda was still in school , Grandma came over . She and Rhianna worked on Rhianna 's reading . It seemed like Rhianna was really reading but Jacinda didn 't believe it . After all , she had memorized Clifford the Big Red Dog before . She went into Rhianna 's room and took out another book . It was a Dora the Explorer book . Rhianna would never have memorized that . She hated Dora . She only had the book because she got it for a birthday present . " Read this ! " demanded Jacinda handing it to her sister . Rhianna didn 't seem worried at all . She took the book , calmly opened it , and began reading . When she finished it , she closed it and looked up at her sister and gave her an I - told - you - so smile . Carlie Bufford had a fancy blue velvet dress with white satin sleeves . She had inheirted it from her older sister , Calista . Calista had worn it when she was flower girl in a wedding when she was Carlie 's age . Now Calista was 11 and Carlie was 5 . Carlie loved her blue dress but Mommy would never let her wear it . Carlie was always begging and begging . " Can I wear my pretty blue dress , Mommy ? " she asked yet again as she was getting read for a birthday party one day . " Oh sweetie . " Mommy said sadly as she didn 't like to have to disappoint her daughter . " That dress is kind of fancy . I don 't really think it 's appropriate for a birthday party at Build - A - Bear . " Carlie glared at her sister , but an idea was planted in her head . She just kept thinking about weddings . A wedding would be a the perfect place to wear her pretty dress . She couldn 't exactly just find somebody to get married and invite her to their wedding though . She would just have to get married herself . It was the only way she was going to get wear her dress . " In the middle of dinner ? " asked Daddy . Calista burst out laughing . Mommy gave her a warning look , and Calista buried her face in her napkin to stop herself but she still couldn 't stop smiling . " Why do you need to get married now ? " asked Mommy . " You have plenty of years before you need to think about things like that . Why don 't you just enjoy being young for now ? " " You need to get married ? " repeated Mommy . She looked very confused and so did Daddy . Calista just thought it was funny . She burst out laughing again . Carlie shrugged . She hadn 't thought about that yet . " How about Kenny Harris ? " suggested Calista with a smile . Kenny was their next door neighbor . He had dark brown hair and brown eyes . He was always teasing Carlie . " I think he has a crush on you . " " Tad Murphy ? " said Carlie shaking her head . Tad Murphy was in her class . He was cute . He had light brown hair and green eyes . He was nice too but he was really quiet . He hardly talked to anybody especially not the girls in the class . She didn 't think she would marry Tad Murphy . She shook her head . " Jake Jones ? " said Carlie , but this time she said it with interest . Jake was also a boy in her glass . He was cute too . He had red hair and green eyes . He was pretty nice to Carlie too . He was her friend . " Yes . " she said . " I " m going to marry Jake Jones . " Carlie wasn 't worried about that now that she had decided . " I 'll tell him . " she said confidently . She couldn 't wait for school the next day so she could tell Jake that she planned to marry him . She just knew he would be pleased that she had chosen him . The next afternoon after school , Calista smiled when she saw her little sister get off the bus . " So how did it go ? ' she asked gleefully as Carlie and Mommy stepped into the house . Carlie smiled happily . " It went good . " she said . " I asked Jake if he wanted to marry me and he said okay because I have a Wii . " " Ah yes , a Wii . What every man looks for in a wife . " teased Calista . Carlie ignored her . She was so happy she was going to get to wear her blue dress . She couldn 't wait to marry Jake . " How are the wedding plans coming ? " asked Calista the next day after school . Carlie gave her a look of disgust . " I 'm not going to marry Jake Jones anymore . " she said . " I hate Jake Jones . He is not my friend anymore . He only wants to hang around with Misty Gordon now . She is getting a Wii U . I 'm gonna marry Tad Murphy instead . He already has a Wii U . " Chelsea Emerson loved cats . She loved them more than anything . She was always begging her Mom and Dad for a cat of her own . " One day . " they would promise , but Chelsea didn 't think that one day would ever come . She was wrong . They were out one day for a mysterious drive . It was mysterious only to Chelsea . Mom and Dad knew exactly where they were going but they wouldn 't tell Chelsea . Finally after about an hour of driving , they pulled up in front of the animal shelter , Chelsea 's mouth flew open and her eyes opened wide . " Is today the day ? " she asked excitedly . Chelsea hurried out of the car and practically ran into the building . Mommy and Daddy could barely keep up . When they all got in the building and were taken to the area where the cats were , there were cats and kittens of every size , shape and color . Chelsea was completely overwhelmed . She walked up and down the rows of cages and couldn 't decide which cat to pick . Finally after she had walked back and forth several times , she heard a particularly sad mewing sound as she passed one of the cages . Chelsea went right up to the cage where the sound was coming from . Inside were 4 little gray kittens . One of them came up to the front of the cage and mewed softly . " It 's okay little , kitty . " Chelsea assured the kitten . The little kitten licked Chelsea 's finger . Chelsea couldn 't help smiling . " This is the one ! " she said happily pointing to the little kitten that had licked her finger . " This is the kitten for me . " " Are you sure ? " asked Mommy and Daddy . Chelsea nodded . Mommy and Daddy filled out the necessary paperwork . In the car on the way home , Chelsea sat with the little kitten in its carrier on her lap . The kitten was a little bit frightened . He had never been in a carrier or ridden in a car before . He mewed scaredly . " Don 't worry little kitten . " Chelsea assured him . " I am going to take you home with me , I 'm going to take care of you , and I 'm going to call you , Busby . " she said as she reached into the carrier and petted him . When they got home and went in the house , Chelsea took Busby to her room and let him out of the box . He started running around the room as fast as his little legs could carry him . He was so excited to be out of a cage and out of a box and free . Chelsea sat on her floor and watched her little kitten run in excited circles around her . Finally after a few minutes of running around , Busby was completely tired out . He climbed up in Chelsea 's lap and went to sleep . From that moment on , Busby was Chelsea 's baby , and he was totally devoted to her . Every day , Busby followed Chelsea around . Every night , he slept in her bed . Whenever , she went away to school or anywhere else , Busby rubbed up against her legs and meowed and purred excitedly as soon as she got back . Even if Chelsea was home , and Busby just couldn 't see her , he would cry so sadly until he saw her face again . One evening Chelsea was getting ready for her bath . Busby was sleeping on her bed . Chelsea took her towel and her pajamas and went into the bathroom quietly so as not to disturb him . As soon as she left , Busby was startled by a noise and woke up . He looked around for Chelsea and when he didn 't see her he started to cry . He wandered around looking for her . When he found the door to the bathroom slightly opened , he pushed his way in . He still didn 't see Chelsea , so he started mewing sadly again . Chelsea 's heart broke for her poor little kitten . " I 'm right here , sweetie . " she said poking her head out from behind the flowered curtain . Busby was so excited to see her . He hurried over to the tub . By then , Chelsea had disappeared back behind the curtain again where Busby couldn 't see her . He started crying again . " I 'm right here . " repeated Chelsea but this time she didn 't poke her head out . Busby hurried to the sound of her voice . He came right to the edge of the tub and then climbed up and peeked behind the curtain . When he saw Chelsea , he got so excited , he leaned over and fell right into the tub next to her . Chelsea laughed . " Do you need a bath too , Busby ? " she asked . Busby , however didn 't think it was so funny . In fact , he was horrified to suddenly find himself submerged in the water . He didn 't like water . He didn 't like it at all . He quickly scrambled out of the tub and shook himself off . He still loved Chelsea as much as ever , and he still liked to follow her around , but from then on he never got that close to the bathtub again . Mae Johnson hated her name . She thought it was the stupidest most boring name in the world . One day , she decided she 'd had enough of it , and she just wasn 't going to answer to it anymore . " I 'm not going to be Mae anymore . " She told her Mommy at breakfast . " From now on call me Alisandre . " Mommy smiled but didn 't really think that Mae was serious . At lunch time , Mommy called out " Mae ! It 's time for lunch ! " There was no answer and nobody came running . Again , she called out " Mae ! Please come to lunch now ! " Finally , she called out " Alisandre ! " In two seconds Mae was at her seat at the table ready for lunch . Mommy just shook her head . The next day when Mae came down to breakfast . Mommy said " Good morning , Mae . " thinking that surely by now Mae must be back to herself . Mae shook her head . She wasn 't ready to go back to that old boring name . " Alisandre ? " asked Mommy uncertainly . Mae shook her head . " I don 't want that old stuffy name . " she said shaking her head . " I 'm changing my name to Calliope . From now on call me Calliope . " " Yes . " said Mae . " Calliope Johnson that 's me . Doesn 't that just sound wonderful ? " she asked dreamily . It was everything she could possibly want in a name . By lunch time , Mae was already bored with Calliope . " After all , " as she explained to Mommy , " a name with that much music in it can give a person a headache just hearing it all the time . I have decided to call myself Willamina because Willamina is a wonderful name . " " You 're not Mae ? " said Daddy . " Then , who are you and what have you done with my Maebug ? " Daddy asked smiling as he lifted Mae up into his arms . " Seriously , Daddy . " replied Mae squirming out of Daddy 's arms . " Mae is a boring name . I am not Mae anymore . From now on my name is Katrinka . " Mae wrinkled her nose and shook her head . " Daddy , " she said " Mae is not a beautiful name ! Katrinka is a beautiful name ! Mae is a boring name . It is not special at all . It 's just boring ! " Just then , Mommy came in from the kitchen were she had been preparing dinner . " Go get washed up , Katrinka . " she said . " It is still Katrinka , isn 't it ? " Mommy and Daddy tried to convince Petra to eat something else . Petra did not want crunchy chicken nuggets . She did not want a juicy roast beef sandwiches . She did not want creamy tomato soup . She only wanted a peanut butter sandwich . Mommy and Daddy finally gave up trying to convince Petra to eat something else . Mommy made Petra a peanut butter sandwich . Petra quickly ate it and requested another . For dinner , at first Petra wanted another peanut butter sandwich . When Mommy and Daddy urged her to have something different , she decided to have a peanut butter burger instead . " Are you sure ? " asked Mommy . It sounded really strange to Mommy . Petra noddded so Mommy made it for her . Petra loved it and ate every bite . After that she still ate peanut butter for every meal , but she ate more variations of it . Aside from peanut butter pancakes , peanut butter sandwhiches , and peanut butter burgers , there were peanut butter muffins , peanut butter bagels , and peanut butter chicken . There were peanut butter snacks and peanut butter desserts too : peanut butter crackers , peanut butter cookies and peanut butter pie . The accompanying foods varied , but there was always peanut butter . Petra absolutely refused to eat anything else . One morning , Petra woke up and sat down at the table for breakfast . " Here are your peanut butter pancakes " said Mommy cheerfully placing a plate in front of Petra . Petra frowned . " What 's the matter ? " asked her mother . " Do you want peanut butter pancakes or peanut butter toast instead ? " she asked . Petra shook her head no . " Are you feeling alright then ? " asked Mommy . She felt Petra 's head . Petra pushed her hand away and shook her head . She didn 't feel sick . " Then what 's the matter ? " asked Mommy . Mommy couldn 't help smiling . She never thought she would hear those words coming out of Petra 's mouth . This was a happy day indeed . " What would you like ? " she asked . " Coming right up . " said Mommy equally excitedly . She was so happy that Petra was giving up on only eating peanut butter foods . There were so many other great foods for Petra to try . " Are you going to have jelly with every meal now ? " asked Mommy as she was making Petra 's jelly stuffed French toast the next morning . Petra smiled . " I just love jelly . " she said . " It 's my favorite food . " Paige Wheatley hated peas . She hated them with a passion . Whenever her mother served them , she would push them around on her plate and never eat them . Paige scooped up her peas on her spoon . She put the spoon to her mouth . But no ! She couldn 't do it . She quickly dropped the spoon back to the plate . " Paige ! " exclaimed her mother as some of the peas trickled on to the floor . She stooped down to pick them up and throw them in the garbage . She glared at Paige . Paige knew better than that . Paige starred at the plate of peas for minute . They were green and looked bumpy and there were so many of them . They did not look sweet at all . She looked back at her sister and shook her head . Janie had to be lying . These things could not possibly be sweet . Chocolate cake ! Paige 's mouthwatered just thinking about it . Chocolate cake was her absolute favorite . She stared back down at her peas . Those evil peas were all that was standing between her and sweet delicious chocolate cake . Paige glared at the peas . ' What evil , evil little vegetables ! ' she thought . She closed her eyes tightly hoping the peas would just go away . Unfortunately , when she opened them again , those peas were still there sitting on her plate as if they were staring at her . She sighed . Paige looked up at Mommy and Daddy and especially Janie 's unhappy face . Then , she looked down at the plate of peas again . She just couldn 't do it . She just couldn 't . " Paige ? " asked Daddy . " Are you going to eat those peas ? " Paige was silent . Daddy took her silence as a no . " Let 's have dessert . " Daddy said to Mom . Paige smiled happily . She had won ! She faced those evils peas and beat them . Mommy got plates and forks . Daddy cut slices of cake . One . Two . Three . Three slices of cake . One for Mommy , one for Daddy and one for Janie . None for Paige . Paige groaned in disappointment . They finished and quickly . Janie cleared the dishes . Daddy rinsed them . Mommy put them in the dishwasher . The only thing left on the table was Paige 's plate of peas . " Yes . " replied her mother , " but this is your last chance . We can 't sit in this kitchen all night . I have things to do and so do you . " Paige sighed . She slowly very slowly put some peas on her spoon . She slowly very slowly put the spoon in her mouth . She slowly very slowly took a teeny tiny bite of peas . It was so tiny that she barely tasted a thing . She took a slightly bigger bite . Wait ! Could it be ? She took an even bigger bite . Yes ! It could . The peas were sweet . They were tasty . In fact , they were really good . Paige smiled happily and gobbled down the rest of the peas . Liora Sanders was lonely . She had just moved to a new town , and she didn 't have any friends yet . She watched all the other kids having a good time and playing together on the playground , and she was filled with jealousy . She wanted to make some new friends and make them quickly . Liora approached two girls in her class , Patsy Nicoletti and Grace Mero . They were sitting on a bench and chattering and giggling and just generally having a good time . " Hi . " she said cheerfully . " I am Liora Sanders . " The two girls just kept on chattering and giggling to themselves and didn 't even seem to notice Liora . " I just moved here . " said Liora . Patsy and Grace still ignored her . " I have 17 pets " said Liora . " I have 2 dogs , 3 cats , 4 hamsters , 5 fish , a guinea pig , a bird , and a goat named Billa . My Dad got Billa when made his last movie . We just got so attached to her that they let us keep her . " Liora nodded her head . " Yes , " she said to Patsy . " That 's why we moved here because you can 't really keep a goat in a penthouse apartment . Our new house is so big we have plenty of room for all our animals . " To Grace she said . " My Dad 's been in over 20 movies . My Mom used to be an actress too , but she stopped when she had me because she didn 't want me to be raised by nannies and housekeepers . " Liora shook her head . " I doubt it , " she said " unless you go to a lot of R rated movies . He is going to be making his first PG rated movie soon though and Zac Efron and Miranda Cosgrove are playing his kids . " Liora quickly put her hand to her mouth . " Oh . " she said worriedly through her fingers . " I wasn 't supposed to say anything . My father doesn 't want people hanging around the house and asking him to get Zac and Miranda 's autograph 's and stuff . " The next day Liora brought in a picture of herself . In the picture she was standing next to a brown and white goat . " This is Billa . " she said . Grace and Patsy 's eyes opened as wide as two saucers and their jaws dropped . They didn 't know what to say . " Do you want to be our friend ? " Grace asked finally as Patsy nodded in agreement . After that the three girls were inseparable . They played together every day at recess . Grace and Patsy kept asking Liora when they could come to her house and see all her animals , but Liora kept putting them off . " We are still getting the house organized from moving and my mother doesn 't want company . " she explained one day . " My Dad was filming late last night , and he is going to be sleeping all day . " she said another . One day in school , they were having a party for the 100th day . Liora was surprised and horrified to find out that one of the parents that would be helping out that day was her mother . " Are you surprised to see me ? " asked her mother cheerfully . Liora was surprised but not happy . She frowned deeply . Her mother didn 't seem to notice . " You always wanted me to volunteer at your school , but I couldn 't so I took a vacation day today so I could come in . " explained her mother . Liora shook her head sadly . That had been in her old school when she was with her old friends . Before she could stop them , Patsy and Grace excitedly came over to Liora and her mother . " Hi ! " they greeted Liora 's mother warmly . " I 'm Patsy . " said Patsy . Liora 's mother smiled . " Very funny . " she said . " Is this some kind of joke ? " she asked Liora , but Liora didn 't answer . She didn 't even look at her mother . Patsy and Grace did not look amused . In fact , they looked downright angry . They looked at Liora . Then , they looked back at her mother . " Liora told us you have 17 pets including a goat . " said Patsy angrily as she realized Liora had been lying to them all along . " The two girls glared at Liora . Her mother looked at her too but with confusion " Liora ? " asked her mother . She still didn 't quite know what was going on . Liora bit her lip to keep from crying . " I just wanted you to like me . " she said to Grace and Patsy . " I just wanted to have friends . " Patsy looked at Liora . " Your 're life is still pretty cool even if you don 't have 15 pets and movie stars for parents . " she said . " That 's right . " said Liora 's mother knowing just what picture they were talking about . " Right after that picture was taken the goat tried to eat Liora 's hair . " The mental picture of Liora with a goat eating her hair made Patsy and Grace burst out laughing . They smiled at Liora . Liora smiled back and laughed right along with them . Savannah Gilroy awoke to the sound of her mother calling her to breakfast . Her new puppy Sunny lay curled up by her side . Savannah smiled and stretched and got out of bed . She put on her favorite yellow robe and looked around for her matching yellow fluffy slippers . She finally found them next to her closet door all chewed up . " Sunny ! " she said but she said it with a smile . Savannah went downstairs in her bare feet . Sunny padded after her . " Mommy ! " said Savannah . " Sunny chewed up my slippers . " Savannah wasn 't angry though . She kind of thought it was cute and adorable . The next day , Mommy and Savannah went shopping . They got Savannah a new pair of slippers . They were yellow too with a big purple flower on them . Savannah put them under her bed . The next morning when Savannah awoke and got ready to go downstairs , her slippers weren 't under her bed anymore . They were in the middle of the room . They were all chewed up and the flowers were ripped right off . This time , she did not think it was so cute . " Sunny ! " she said disappointedly . Sunny licked her hand . Savannah frowned . Mommy did not think it was so cute this time either . " We 'll get you another pair of slippers . " she promised Savannah , but she frowned at Sunny . Sunny licked Mommy 's hand . Mommy frowned even more . Savannah got a new pair of slippers . These were pink with little pink bows across the front . She put them in her closet , but when she woke up in the morning , somehow they were chewed up too . This was getting to be too much . " Sunny ! " she said angrily . Sunny got frightened and hid under the bed . Savannah felt guilty and took her out from under the bed , but Savannah was still mad . " You 're a bad dog . " she told Sunny , but she did not say it loudly . Mommy was mad too . She looked sternly at Sunny and shook her finger . " Bad dog , Sunny , bad dog . " she said . " We 'll get you another pair of slippers . " she said to Savannah . Savannah got a pair of rainbow stripped slippers . Then , a pair with little flowers all over them . That was followed by a fuffy purple pair and then a pair that was shaped like big white bunnies . Sunny chewed through each and every one . Mommy and Savannah went shopping once again for slippers . This time Savannah had trouble finding a pair she liked . They went to just about every store in the mall . " How about these ? " suggested Mommy finally to a plain gray pair in Sears . Mommy sighed . She was tired of shopping for slippers . She was tired of shopping for them that day and tired of shopping for them in general . " Savannah . " she said sternly . " Let 's just get these slippers and go home please . Enough already . " Now , it was Savannah 's turn to sigh . She knew just by the tone of her mother 's voice that she was getting the slippers , and there was no use arguing . It probably didn 't matter anyway . She wouldn 't have them that long . Sunny was only going to chew them up . However , the next morning , when Savannah woke up , the ugly slippers were fine . They were right where she left them and hadn 't even been chewed up a bit . She figured maybe Sunny hadn 't been feeling well or she was tired or had an off night . The next night Sunny didn 't chew up the slippers . She didn 't the night after that or the night after that either . " You see that Mommy . " said Savannah . " I told you those slippers are ugly . Even the dog thinks those slippers are ugly . Can I get rid of them , please ? " Mommy shook her head . " Of course , not . " replied Mommy . " We spent money on those . Besides , we finally found a pair of slippers that we can keep away from that dog . " Savannah sighed disappointedly . " Why did I have to get a dog that has good taste in clothes ! " she groaned . Bethany Price was 3 years old , and she was getting too big for her crib . Mommy and Daddy surprised her with a big bed . " Bethany , " they said to her cheerfully . " This is your new bed . " Bethany looked at the new bed . It had flowered sheets and a big purple blanket . Bethany loved flowers and she loved purple , but she didn 't love the big girl bed . She stared at it angrily for a few minutes wondering what had happened to her old bed . Then , she looked back at her Mommy and Daddy and shook her head . " No . " she said " NOT MY BED ! " She looked all over for her crib but Daddy had already taken it down . She pointed to the space where the crib belonged and started to cry . Bethany shook her head no and pointed to the new bed . " NOT MY BED ! " she repeated . She began crying again . She cried and carried on so much that finally Daddy had to put the crib back together . Bethany instantly relaxed once the crib was assembled again in her room . " My bed . " she said happily pointing to it . She even went over and hugged it . For a week , Mommy and Daddy tried to transition her to the new bed . The put her to bed at night in the big girl bed . After Mommy and Daddy left , Bethany would get the step stool from the bathroom , Every morning , when Mommy and Daddy woke up , she would be back in the crib . Bethany nodded . She hugged the Dora doll to her . That night for the first time , she went right to bed in her new bed without a fuss . The next morning , when Mommy and Daddy woke up , Bethany was still in the bed , but Dora was in the crib . Mommy and Daddy were surprised . " Why is Dora in the crib ? " they asked . Calla Worthington was a very curious girl . She wanted to know everything about everything . Sometimes she asked questions . However , when she felt she needed to she took matters into her own hands . That was what got her into trouble . Mommy woke up one morning bright and early or so she thought it was bright and early . She walked into Calla 's room to wake her up . Calla , however , had already been up for hours . She sat on her bed on top of her flowered comforter completely surrounded by the white fluffy stuffing from her formerly stuffed and now stuff less animals . " Calla ! " exclaimed Mommy surveying the mess . Mommy just shook her head . She and Calla set about cleaning up the mess and then went down for breakfast . " Calla , " said Mommy . " You go in the other room and watch TV while I make breakfast . " Calla nodded and trotted into the den to watch TV . " And don 't take the insides out of anything ! " her mother called after her . It was quiet for a few minutes except for the sounds of the morning cartoons coming from the TV . Mommy sighed in relief and started to make breakfast . Suddenly , a loud crash came from the direction of the den . Mommy quickly moved the eggs to an unlit burner on the stove so they wouldn 't get overdone and hurried to see what happened . " Calla , are you alright ? " she asked worriedly . Calla sat in the middle of the room surrounded by books . " I 'm fine , Mommy . " she replied . " I just wanted to see how many books it would take to reach the ceiling . " It was peaceful for a while . Mommy decided to start a stew for dinner . She looked everywhere for her favorite big pot , but she couldn 't find it . Finally , she opened the backdoor and called out to Calla . " Have you seen my big pot ? " she asked . Calla said nothing but stared at the ground . Mommy came outside and went over to Calla . She looked down and saw her big pot entirely filled with dirt . " Calla ! " she angrily . Mommy brought Calla into the house and cleaned her up . By then , it was lunch time . She brought Calla into the den and sat her on the couch and gave her some picture books . " Sit here for while and look at these while I make lunch . Don 't take the insides out of anything . Don 't stack anything . Don 't fill anything . In fact , don 't get off the couch . " This time , Mommy was too worried to think about being angry . " Don 't worry , baby . " she said . " We 'll take care of that . " She hurried Calla into the car and took her to the emergency room where they carefully removed the button . As they were leaving , the nurse tried to hand the button back to Mommy , but Mommy shook her head no . She never wanted to see that button again . " Well , yes . " admitted Mommy . " Sometimes , you are but that doesn 't mean I don 't love you . I know you are curious about things , but you have to learn to ask before you do things . " " Okay , Mommy . " Calla agreed happily in relief that after all the trouble she caused her Mommy still loved her . And after that sometimes , she did ask before she did things , but not always . It was a rainy day and Maisy Delano was bored . She was tired of playing alone . She went looking for something to do and found Daddy sitting on the big brown couch watching car shows . " Daddy , play with me . " she begged . Clearly being bossy wasn 't going to work . She was going to have to try something different . She climbed up on his lap , tilted her head on his shoulder , looked up at him with her big brown eyes and said sweetly . " Please daddy . " He followed Maisy up to her room . Maisy took out her Candyland game . " Let 's play Daddy . " she said . They played 2 games of Candy Land in a row . Maisy won both . In the middle of the third game . Masy got tired of the game . She left the board and all the pieces on her floor and went to her closet " Let 's color , " she said starting to take out her coloring books and crayons . Maisy shook her head . " Color . " she said handing Daddy a green crayon and pointing to a page in her coloring book . Daddy colored . Maisy colored too . " No that 's boring . " said Maisy . " Let 's play Teddy Bear tea party . " She got about ten stuffed animals out of her closet and gave half to Daddy . They set all the animals up at her little table and set out toy dishes to serve them on . By the time they finished setting up , Maisy was bored of that too . " Let 's read books . " she decided . She started to pull a stack of books off of her red wooden book shelves . " Here is something to do . " suggested Daddy . " Let 's clean up the Teddy bears , and the dishes , and the coloring book , and the crayons and the game . That will be really fun . " Maisy looked at him as if he had suddenly grown two heads . " Daddy , " she said finally , " that wouldn 't be fun at all . She proceeded to take books off her bookshelf . After she had pulled about ten books off of the shelf . She sat down on Daddy 's lap and put the pile on the floor next to them . " Read ! " she commanded . After Daddy had read about half the books , they heard the noise of Mommy 's car pulling up in the driveway . The front door opened . Then , they heard Mommy 's footsteps on the stairs . Mommy popped her head in Maisy 's room looking for them . " Oh my ! " she exclaimed when she saw the toys and the books and coloring books and crayons and the game scattered all around Maisy 's room . Zani Walters loved animals . She loved animals of every kind . More than anything she wanted to go to the zoo . She begged and begged but somehow Mommy and Daddy never found time to take her to the zoo . One morning , Zani sat at the breakfast table . One minute , she was sitting there quietly eating her pancakes . The next minute , she started roaring like a lion . Zani gave her a mother an unhappy look and went up to her room . For about a 1 / 2 hour it was quiet and then , there was a loud crash . Mommy rushed up the stairs and hurried into Zani 's room . " Are you okay ? " she asked worriedly . Zani nodded . She was sitting on her bed , and she did look perfectly fine . Just then , Mommy saw the big blue ceramic pieces of broken lamp on the floor . She frowned at Zani . " How did that happen ? " she asked . At dinner time , before Zani could become another animal , Mommy had surprise for her . " Tomorrow , Daddy and I are going to take you to the zoo . " she promised . " Oh Mommy ! " cried Zani excitedly . " How did you ever know that is where I most wanted to go ? " . Annabelle Upton was 5 years old , but she was about to turn six . For her birthday , she was going to have a completely princess party . They would have princess cups and princess plates , and princess decorations . Even the guests were going to dress up like princesses with sparkly tiaras on their heads . Annabelle couldn 't wait . On Thursday , Annabelle woke up bright and early in the morning . It was so early that the sun was just barely peeking its head out over the clouds . She ran excitedly into her Mommy and Daddy 's room . Mommy and Daddy were lying in bed snoring away . Annabelle climbed up next to Mommy and poked her in the side . " Mommy ! Mommy ! " she said excitedly . " Today 's my birthday ! When is my party ? " Mommy tiredly opened her eyes . When she was able to focus them , she looked at the clock . It read 5 : 00 in the morning . " Annabelle , " said Mommy quite unhappily . " It is 5 : 00 in the morning , and today is not your birthday . " On Friday morning , Annabelle woke up early again . This time she waited in her room for a while before she went into her parents room . It was 7 : 00 in the morning . Mommy was still sleeping , but Daddy was awake and getting dressed . " Daddy ! " called Annabelle excitedly throwing herself into his arms . " I 'm not going to have a princess party ? " asked Annabelle sadly . All this time , she had been waiting for nothing . She wanted to cry . " Oh . " said Annabelle with a mix of relieve and disappointment . She was so happy she was still having a party . She was so sad that her birthday was taking so long to get here . On Saturday , Annabelle woke up a little later . She waited in her room for a while and then went looking for Mom and Dad , but couldn 't find them . Instead , she found Grandma . Grandma smiled and kissed Annabelle leaving a smudge of lipstick across her cheek . " Would I miss my favorite granddaughter 's birthday ? " she asked . " Your mom and Dad went to pick up some things for your party . " she added . The next morning when Annabelle woke up , she was going to get out of bed , but she decided not to . She didn 't want to be disappointed again . She was sure her birthday was never going to get here . She lay in bed staring at the purple and yellow flowers on her bedroom wallpaper . Soon Mommy came in . " Good morning , Annabelle . " she said cheerfully opening the drapes . " Aren 't you going to get up ? What are you waiting for ? " asked Mommy . When Yara Detweiler turned 4 years old , her grandmother gave her a bright yellow dress for her birthday . Yellow was Yara 's favorite color . Her dress was as bright as the sun . Yara thought it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen . " Oh thank you ! , Grandma ! " she gushed excitedly . " Gee could that thing be any brighter ? " asked Yara 's older sister , Udela . Udela was 9 . She thought it was the ugliest thing she had ever seen . She couldn 't understand why anyone would ever want to wear bright yellow anyway . Their mother gave Udela a warning look . " It 's Yara 's birthday . " Mother reminded her . Udela instantly shutup although she still thought the dress was ugly . Yara , however , loved her new dress . She could hardly sleep that night because she couldn 't wait to wake up the next day and wear her new dress . She was so excited that she woke up in the night and put on her new dress and went back to sleep in it . The next morning , Mommy smiled at Yara . " My you look beautiful in your new dress . " she said . Yara beamed back at her . She spun around in her pretty dress . Udela rolled her eyes . She just hoped they weren 't going anywhere today . She wanted to get through the day without any of her friends seeing them . Yara slept in her dress again . The next day , she wanted to wear it again . " Please , mommy . " she begged . " It doesn 't have any dirt on it . " she insisted twirling around in it in front of her mother and showing her . Yara kept begging and pleading to wear the dress . She made puppy dog eyes at Mommy and sad puffy lips . " Please , please , please ! " she said . Every day after that all Yara wanted to wear was her beautiful yellow dress . She wouldn 't wear anything else . She only took it off to take a bath , to go to sleep , or to let Mommy wash it . " People are a lot smarter than you give them credit for . " replied Mommy . " I 'm sure they know that what your sister chooses to wear has nothing to do with you . " Mommy smiled and nodded . " That 's really what is bothering you , isn 't it ? " she said . " You don 't like the dress . " " I 'm just so sick of it . " Udela admitted quietly . She didn 't bother adding that she never really liked it all that much to begin with . Days , weeks , and even a couple of months went by . Yara didn 't grow out of her yellow dress phase . She still loved it . She still wanted to wear it every day . Udela still hated it but she kept her mouth shut . Even Mommy was beginning to wonder if Yara would ever get tired of it and wear something else . Finally one day , Grandma took Yara shopping . " We are going to get you a brand new dress . " she told Yara . Yara didn 't really want a new dress . Grandma kept showing her things to try on , and she kept shaking her head no . After a while , even Grandma was getting discouraged . Then , just as they were about to leave the store , something caught Yara 's eye . It was a bright orange dress with yellow flowers . Yara ran over to it . " I want this one , Grandma ! " she said excitedly . They found it in Yara 's size and went in the dressing room to try it on . It fit perfectly ! At home . Yara excitedly showed off her new dress . Mommy thought it was beautiful . Udela thought it was even uglier than the other one , but she was so happy to see Yara in different dress that she didn 't say anything . The next morning Yara came down to breakfast in her new dress again . Udela still didn 't like it but she figured it was still brand - new she could get through another day of it . The day after that when Yara came down to breakfast , she was wearing the new dress yet again . Udela put her head in her hands and sighed . " Here we go again . " she thought unhappily . Nora Nelson was good at getting out of doing anything . She never want to be bothered with anything . Whenever , there was something to be done , Nora did not want to be the one to do it . When her mother asked " Who wants to help me fold the laundry ? " Nora said . " Not me . " and she ran upstairs and started playing with her toys . Her sister , Casey ended up helping Mom , and she was not happy about it . It was not that she minded helping her mom . However , just because she was older , she did not think she should have to do the helping all the time . Folding laundry wasn 't any less boring to Casey than it was to Nora . When their father said , " Can somebody help me empty this dishwasher ? " He looked right at Nora . Casey and Andrew constantly complained to Mom and Dad about how unfair it was . " She may be the youngest , but she 's not a baby . " Casey pointed out as Andrew nodded in agreement . Casey did not want to go either . Neither did Andrew . Mommy looked at all of them and frowned . " Why don 't you all go ? " she suggested . The three of them headed out the door to run the errands . An hour later , they came back . They were all laughing . Casey and Andrew were licking lollipops . Casey 's was grape and Andrew 's was cherry . They looked delicious . Besides , grape and cherry were Nora 's two favorite flavors . The next day , Daddy needed to pull out the weeds in the yard . When he asked for help , Nora hid out in the bathroom . " Not me . " she called out from behind the closed door pretending she was busy in there . It was too hot anyway . She did not even want to go outside . Casey and Andrew ended up having to help instead . They didn 't seem happy about it at first either . However , when they turned on the garden hose to wash off , Andrew suddenly turned the hose on Casey . She got soaked . She grabbed the hose and turned it back on him . Before long , they were having a full out water fight . Nora jealously watched from the window . Casey and Andrew were smiling and laughing and looked like they were having a ton of fun . Nora wanted to have fun too . " Oh mommy . " said Nora throwing herself into Mommy 's arms . " I want to have fun too . I want to have fun like Casey and Andrew . " she cried . " Casey and Andrew worked hard . " replied Mommy . " When you work hard you get rewarded . " she added . " Maybe , it 's a lollipop or maybe it 's a water fight or maybe it is just the satisfaction of doing a good job . Do you think that you can work hard , Nora ? " she asked . The next day when Mommy was straighening out the living room , Nora volunteered to help . She found 75 cents under the couch cushions . " Look what I found , Mommy ! " she shouted excitedly holding up her coins . It was a bright and sunny Friday morning in July . Faline Eckert and her little sister Violet woke up practically at the crack of dawn as they usually did and went into their parents room . The golden sunlight was streaming through the window . Faline stood by the window and pushed back the curtain to get a better look at the beautiful day . Instantly , Daddy appeared by her side . He was awake getting ready for work . " Close that ! " he whispered furiously . " Mommy is sleeping . She had a rough night with baby Zuri , and she didn 't get much sleep last night . " Daddy kissed each of them as he went off to work . Faline glanced at poor Mommy huddled snuggly under the big flowered quilt on her bed . " Shh ! Don 't wake mommy ! " she whispered loudly to Violet . Faline and Violet went in the living room . They decided to watch TV . Faline turned it on . The sound of Saturday morning cartoons blasted at their ears . " Shh ! Don 't wake mommy ! " Faline whispered frantically . After a little while of watching TV , the girls were bored . They decided to turn off the TV but they couldn 't find the remote . " You had it ! " Faline yelled at her sister . The girls finally found the remote under the couch cushions . They turned off the TV and went to find a game to play . They decided to play Candy Land , but they couldn 't find it . They search through all their games . Game after game was lifted up and slammed back down again until they finally found what they were looking for at the bottom of the stack . Game after game was lifted up and slammed back down once more as the two girls put the rest of the games back on the shelf . Suddenly , baby Zuri stared crying . She cried and cried getting louder and louder . Faline and Violet went in the baby 's room and stood by the crib . " Oh , mommy , " cried Faline as Mommy entered the room . " It is all Zuri 's fault ! Violet and I were being so quiet and letting you sleep , but baby , Zuri just wouldn 't stop crying . " Violet nodded her head vigorously up and down in agreement . " Yeah ! " she said . Mommy had hardly slept at all , but she couldn 't help smiling . " I love you guys . " she said and she kissed each of them before lifting baby Zuri out of her crib . Everyone in Xena Holloway 's family was musical , and she wanted to be too . They all played an instrument . Her father played the French horn . Her mother played the mandolin . Her sister , Shelby played the saxophone . Her brother , Braden played the banjo . Xena wanted to play an instrument too , but she didn 't know which instrument to play . Daddy smiled proud that Xena wanted to carry on the family musical tradition . " Why don 't you play the French horn like me ? " he suggested excitedly . He let her hold his horn . It was shiny and brass , but a little too big for such a little girl as Xena to hold comfortably . She handed it back to her father . " No thank you , daddy . " said Xena . " The French horn is the perfect instrument for you . It is not right for me . Thanks , anyway . " She went off to find her mother . Mommy was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee . She looked up and smiled as Xena approached . " What can I do for you . my sweet ? " she asked cheerfully . " Why don 't you play the mandolin like me ? " offered Mommy . She took Xena upstairs and proudly showed Xena her mandolin . It was beautifully carved wood . Xena plucked on the strings . It kind of hurt her fingers . She handed it back to her mother . " No , thank you mommy . " said Xena . " The mandolin is the perfect instrument for you . It is not right for me . Thanks , anyway . " She went off to her find her sister , Shelby . Shelby was in her room reading a book . " What do you want ? " she asked angrily . She was in the middle of the best part of her book and didn 't really want to be interupted . Now , it was Shelby 's turn to smile . " Why don 't you play the saxophone like me ? " She went to the closet and took out her instrument . It was long and shiny . She handed it to Xena to check out . Xena tried to blow into the saxophone . All she got were sore lips . No sound came out of the instrument . " The saxophone is the perfect instrument for you . It is not right for me . " she handed it back to her sister and went off to find her brother , Braden . Braden was out on the driveway shooting baskets . He stopped as Shelby approached and lifted her into the air . " Hey kiddo ! " he greeted her warmly . He and his little sister were very close and he adored her . They went into the house . He took out his banjo and showed it to her . It had a long neck and a rounded bottom . Xena plucked at the strings . She didn 't like it anymore than she had liked strumming her mother 's mandolin . She shook her head . " The banjo is the perfect instrument for you . It is not for me . " she handed the banjo back to Braden . Xena felt sad . There wasn 't anybody else in the family to ask for advice about what instrument to play . She went down into the basement to be by herself and think . Maybe , it would cheer her up to look through Grandma 's old things . The basement was full of them . Mommy and Daddy had brought them here when Grandma moved to the retirement community . Mommy had really wanted to get rid of Grandma 's old things . " But one of the children might want them one day . " Grandma had insisted . Mommy was just waiting for the right time and then she planned to get rid of most of the stuff anyway . It made Xena sad because she loved looked through Grandma 's old things . She started sorting through bags of clothes and shoes . Suddenly , in the corner she spotted an old suitcase she had never seen before . She quickly went over to it . She blew the dust off and opened it . She lifted out a small wooden xylophone . It was the most beautiful instrument Xena had ever seen . She put it down and reached back into the suitcase and found two rubber mallets . She struck the xylophone with them . It was one of the most beautiful sounds Xena had ever heard . Veronica Yeager was so excited because her very best friend from school , Georgia Rice was coming over for the very first time . " Come on in . " she called excitedly as Georgia 's car pulled up in front of her house and Georgia stepped out of the car . A little while later , the girls were in the living room watching Good Luck Charlie on Disney Channel . They both agreed that it was their favorite show . They heard the sound of a dog barking . Georgia was about to ask if that was Dixie when she heard Veronica 's older brother call out to the dog " Shut up ! Dumbo ! " Veronica shook her head . " My brother is so mean . " she said . ' Oh thought , ' Georgia . ' They must have two dogs Dixie and Dumbo . ' When they went upstairs to play in Veronica 's room , Georgia saw a black tail stick out from under Veronica 's Mom and Dad 's bed . Veronica 's Mom was lying on her bed flipping through the lastest issue of People . " Hello . " she said to Veronica . " Have you met our little Poochie ? " she asked noticing that Georgia was staring under the bed . Georgia shook her head no . The dog stayed under the bed , and Georgia followed Veronica to her room . ' Three dogs ? ' she thought . ' Dixie , Dumbo , and Poochie . ' she counted . ' That is kind of a lot . ' The two girls played some more . Before long it started to get late . It was almost dinner time . The girls were so excited that Georgia was going to be staying for dinner . " I hope you like spaghetti . " Veronica 's mom said to Georgia cheerfully . Georgia nodded her head . It was actually one of her favorites . They heard the sound of the car door opening followed by the sound of a dog barking again . " Hi Doodle . " Veronica 's father called out to the dog as he stepped out of the car and into the house . Georgia shook her head and counted - one , two , three , four - Dixie , Dumbo , Poochie , Doodle . Four dogs that was an awful lot especially to some one like her who didn 't have any pets . She wondered if there were anymore . " Oh . " replied Veronica . She couldn 't help smiling at her friend 's confusion . " We have one dog . Her name is Dixie Doodle . I call her Dixie . My Dad calls her Doodle . My Mom calls her Poochie . My brother calls her Dumbo . " " Oh . " replied Georgia . Now , she felt like the Dumbo . She looked at Veronica . Veronica looked back at her . Then , they both burst our laughing . One morning Summer Bartholomew woke up . It was a bright and sunny morning . She stretched and smiled and got out of bed , but she didn 't say anything . She got dressed in a pair of yellow shorts and a pink top and went downstairs , but she still didn 't say anything . Her mother shrugged and continued making breakfast . Summer remained silent . In fact , she did not say a word throughout the entire meal . When she finished eating , she quietly helped her mother clean up and then slipped out of the kitchen . All day Summer played quietly or watched TV or read her book . All day she did not make a peep . Not at lunch . Not a dinner . Not at all . Her mother was worried . At dinner time , she asked " Are you okay , Summer ? " Summer nodded . " " Are you sure you 're feeling okay ? " her mother asked again . Summer nodded again . Her mother didn 't believe it . " Does your throat hurt ? " she asked . Summer shook her head no . " Do you have larangytis ? " asked her mother . Again Summer shook her head no . Summer 's mother still didn 't believe she was really okay . She felt Summer 's head with the back of her hand . It felt cool . She kissed Summer 's head . It still felt cool . " Maybe , I should take your temperature just to be sure . " she said . Summer shook her head no . " You would tell me if you really weren 't feeling well , right ? " asked Mother finally . Summer nodded . Her mother kissed her . Summer went upstairs . She silently got in her blue striped pajama , and brushed her teeth with her Princess toothbrush and got ready for bed . When her mother came to tuck her in for bed , she smiled and reached up and hugged her mother tightly . " Goodnight , Mommy . " she said . " I love you . " " I love you too . " replied her mother . She was relieved and happy to hear Summer 's voice again . " What a pretty voice you have Summer , " she said , " and I am so glad to hear it . " Harriet Almahny was a 6 year old girl . She lived with her Mommy , her Daddy , her brother Jim , her sister Cadence and her Gran . Harriet hated to sleep . She dreaded 8 : 00 p . m . Every night she would slowly drag her feet , pout , beg , cry , and whine but she had to go to sleep anyway . It was a warm slightly cloudy evening , Jim was getting ready to leave for a sleepover . " Bye , I 'll see you guys tomorrow . Burt 's mom is taking me home . See you mom , dad , Gran , Cadey , and Harriet . " Harriet rushed up and squeezed her big brother . " Bye Jimmy , I 'll miss you . , " she said as she looked up at him with her big blue eyes . Jim didn 't let anyone else call him Jimmy , but he didn 't mind with her . Honk ! Honk ! As Jim left Harriet glanced at the clock , 7 : 58 , two minutes to bedtime . " Uhhhhhhhh , Mommy , I 'm going to play dollhouse . " she nervously exclaimed . Harriet sighed . " Mommy can 't I stay up late tonight ? I really wanted to play dollhouse , I just set it up . Pleeease ? I 'll go right to bed , I promise ! " Harriet pleaded . And then she used her secret weapon . The legendary puppy dog face . " Harriet , that doesn 't work on me . Go . Daddy and I have to go to a meeting now . Gran will be right there to tuck you in . Bye . Love you . " Mommy sharply replied as she kissed everyone good - bye . She knew that Gran would fall asleep soon which would make it easier for her to sneak out . A half hour later Gran was fast asleep . Harriet quietly slipped out . She snuck into Cadence 's room . Cadence was awake on her laptop . " Cadey , can I play with you ? " asked Harriet sweetly . Harriet climbed into her sister 's bed to wait in . It was so comfy and cozy . Harriet 's eyes fluttered , then slowly closed . Then her head hit the pillow and she fell asleep . Cadence came back to find her bed taken . She found Gran in Harriet 's bed so she went to sleep in Gran 's room . When Mommy and Daddy got home , Daddy decided to check on everyone so he went to Cadence 's room and found Harriet , then he went to Harriet 's room and found Gran , finally he went to Gran 's room and found Cadence . He shook his head and went to sleep . In the morning everyone woke up to find themselves in each others beds . " Well at least we found a way to get Harriet to go to sleep . " |
Malcolm felt a shiver delicately trace his spine as the voice continued . " Oh , and that little Chinese dude you just saw and didn 't see … that was Lo Chen . He 's another one of those twerp Awakened . You know , you were pretty smart to steer clear of those bozos . They 're nothing but trouble and lies . I bet they told you some pretty hairy stuff about the Fallen , didn 't they ? " " Sure they did . They 're just jealous , that 's all . See the Fallen , we 've been around for a long time . Millennia upon millennia . And we 've got a job to do that the Creator Himself gave us , don 't think we don 't . See , I bet they told you some far - fetched story about us hating mankind and rebelling against the Creator and whatever . Am I right ? " " Yeah , get over it , kid . Anyway , whatever they did tell you was a pack of crap . I mean , we 're the Creator 's go - to guys : the Fallen . Did we rebel ? Some of us may have at one time , but that 's water under the bridge , that 's totally in the past . " Malcolm 's jaw , once opened would not close , no matter what inane thought passed through his lips . " Your throat is really jacked up . Did you think nobody would notice ? I mean , it looks like it was crushed and left that way . " Larry , or the thing that now inhabited Larry , put his hands on Malcolm 's shoulders and looked him directly in the eye . " Kid , I 'm wearing a bum . How close do you think people are actually gonna look at a bum ? Yeah , you notice . But , one , you 're a bum . And two , you saw what happened to Larry , so you know where to look . Watch this . " The line had progressed while they talked and they were now a step away from the door . A couple staff members stood by the entrance , inspecting the men entering . They nodded at Larry as soon as he approached . One of the staff , a beefy , half - shaven man in a t - shirt said , " Hey Larry . Didn 't see you last night . Sleeping in the woods again ? " Malcolm , as soon as they passed through the entranceway , looked back at Norm in surprise . " Are you telling me he didn 't notice that caved in portion of your neck ? I could understand if it was just dented in a little , but that thing looks like somebody gave it a good kick with an iron - toed boot . " " Look , kid , would you get off the neck thing ? You 're starting to give me a complex . No , people only see what they want to see . Course , there are limits . I couldn 't have come in as the Felon . Nobody could miss a guy with half a face . " They got in line and Malcolm grabbed a tray for lunch . " So , what do you want with me ? Why can 't you just leave me alone ? It 's bad enough that you tried to kill me yesterday … " " Woah , woah , woah . That was definitely not me . Look , there are members of the Fallen that have gone a little nuts . Don 't get me wrong . That guy that killed your friends yesterday was not one of the more sane Fallen , if you catch my drift . No , there 's some of us that haven 't aged too well . They don 't play well with others . That was your Fallen from yesterday . " The Fallen placed some hamburger type meat onto his tray . " Honestly , we just don 't want you to have the wrong opinion . See , the Awakened are a little nuts too . Probably more nuts than that Fallen who took your friends apart . See , they think they 're on a quest or something , some kind of King Arthur thing , and they believe that the Creator wants them to take us out . Yeah , I know . Crazy , right ? " They sat at an open table . " When we saw you back on the streets yesterday , we were relieved . We thought the nutso Fallen might have gotten you too . So , the other Fallen and me , we came up with this idea . Obviously , you had an in with the Awakened . They let you live , right ? So , maybe you could intervene with us . Maybe you could talk with their leader , Variel , and arrange a meeting or something . " Malcolm paused , fork of food halfway to mouth . " And how is that not going to freak me out if you show up as someone I knew had died ? And , besides that , how do you explain the attack yesterday by that dead guy that grew wings and a rat - tail ? If you guys just want to be understood , why did you send one of the Fallen to their place yesterday to attack them ? " Larry craned his neck . " Attack on their place ? I don 't know what you 're talking about . We didn 't send one of the Fallen to their place to attack them . Maybe it was another rogue Fallen . " Malcolm bent his head over his plate . " Look , I don 't care what you guys are doing , but I don 't want any part of it . If you want to make peace , you sure don 't need me to do it . I left them as well . They wanted me to join up , but I said no way . All I want is to be left alone … by them and you too . " He allowed Malcolm to eat a few bites in peace , before speaking again . " You know , there is one more thing . You saw that old Chinese guy trailing you , right ? " " So , do you really think they 're gonna just let you go after you 've been in their place and know some of their secrets ? They 're gonna keep an eye on you . See if you 'll lead them to us , so they can finish us off . They 're just using you . " " I told you , that was a rogue Fallen . The rest of us aren 't like that guy . We don 't hate your kind . The Creator put us here to protect your kind , if you want to know the truth . " Malcolm dropped his spoon on the table and faced the Fallen , eye to eye . " You know , I would love to believe you , but I 'm having a heck of a time swallowing your crap . There 's certain events that keep getting in my way . For instance , one of your kind tried to kill me yesterday and another of your kind possessed the body of this old dude and tried to kill a bunch of other people later that day . Okay , never mind all that . We 'll chalk it up to a misunderstanding . But then there 's something else bothering me . When you show your true selves , underneath all that human body , you 're just monsters , plain and simple . I mean , look at you . You 're a zombie . " " This is a homeless shelter , remember ? Crazy is common in here . Then you want to tell me that the people that act like the god guys , the ones who hunt the monsters are really the bad guys and that it 's all just a great big misunderstanding that 's lasted hundreds of years between monster hunters and monsters . Is that it ? " The thing that was Larry shrugged . " Kinda . You simplify matters a lot , but you 've got the point of it right . Look kid , these monster - hunter heroes of yours , what do you think they want from you ? " " What do they want from me ? I told them to leave me alone . I ain 't a monster and I don 't want to be like them either . They don 't want anything from me . They let me go . " " Then what 's our little Asian friend doing in here ? " The Fallen pointed to a table by the door , where a wrinkled Oriental face stared at them from over the top of a bowl . " I 'm telling you , they don 't trust you . They sent somebody to keep an eye on you . I 'm asking you , does that that sound like they 're just letting you go do your own thing ? Looks to me like they 're keeping a tight tab on you . And I 'll tell you something else ; they sure as heck don 't want you talking to me . " " See , appearances are deceiving . That guy killed more of my kind than all the rest of the Awakened put together . He 's a remorseless killing machine . " Malcolm rose to his feet . " I 've heard about enough . I 'm getting out here . Plus , I 'm done with my food . " Malcolm froze and turned slowly to the other . " Look , it 's not like I haven 't enjoyed your company , cause I haven 't . I don 't want to go with them and I certainly don 't want to go with you either . I don 't care if you guys want to kill each other . That 's not really my problem . By all means , go over there and kill the little Asian dude . Do whatever you want . Just leave me alone . " " Hey , how do I go about getting a cot for the night ? What do I have to do to pay for it ? I don 't have any money . " The beefy staff eyed Malcolm curiously . " Yeah , there 's stuff we can let you do to earn your keep . You could sweep up in the kitchen , there 's laundry or you could take out the trash : stuff like that . If you don 't have any money , don 't sweat it . We 'll take care of you . " The staff member pointed across the dining hall to another corridor . " You go down that hall till it ends and knock on the door . Talk to Clark and he 'll set you up . " " Yeah . Sure . Why not ? " The Fallen shot back . " No , I 'm not bothering anybody . The kid 's delusional . Probably thinks I 'm after his pot of gold . " Later that afternoon , Malcolm lay out on his bed , which was at the bottom of a steel - framed bunk bed . They had put him to work in the laundry , which was exhausting enough work , but he enjoyed the time , allowing his mind to rove over the details of the past few days . He still didn 't have any grip on what was reality and what was not . Maybe he was experiencing some kind of mental breakdown . It wasn 't impossible . Maybe this had all been some strange dream . Maybe that thing in the bushes had actually killed him as well and this was some kind of purgatory or something . Malcolm didn 't know and could hardly care at the moment . He was exhausted . The smell of bleach , scored on his hands from the washing machines , wafted up to assault his nostrils . That smell almost reminded him of something unpleasant from his childhood . Something about the smell of bleach … Malcolm squinted one eye open to see Larry , or whatever was powering Larry , sitting on the bottom bunk next to his . " Go away . Go kill somebody or something . " " Now , see , that 's just rude . And I told you , those were just rogue Fallen . Normal Fallen don 't kill people . We can 't . " " Now , see , you say you believe me but your tone says that you don 't . That 's just like you humans . Say one thing and mean another . Not like us Fallen . No , we were created for a purpose . We don 't have it in us to lie or even to be sarcastic . " Malcolm sat up . " Or kill either , I suppose . Okay , what is it ? What do you want from me ? Let 's get this over with so you can leave and I can go to sleep . " The wizened Asian man studied the Fallen for a moment before speaking . " Fallen , why don 't you drop that dead man 's skin you wear and leave this boy in peace ? Why don 't you leave us all in peace ? " The Fallen , who was now several feet away from both beds took a hesitant step forward . " And why don 't you keep your grubby little monkey hands out of my business . This doesn 't concern you . Me and the kid were trying to have a simple conversation . " " Nothing you do is simple , Deceiver . You 're always weaving and dancing , hiding behind your untruths like you hide in that dead man 's skin . What was it the Bard said about your kind ? ' Oh , what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive ' . " " And why don 't you and your ilk leave us well enough alone ? Do you really think the Creator put you here to hunt us out ? Do you think that 's the truth of the matter ? " Malcolm stood to his feet . " Look , you guys obviously have issues that don 't concern me . Why don 't you take this fight outside and leave me alone ? " Malcolm didn 't budge . " I 'm not going with him or you . I never asked to get in the middle of this and I already told you guys I was out . So why don 't you both just leave me alone ? " " The Fallen want you for some unknown reason . I can 't figure out why just yet . Until I do , you will not be safe . They will try another tactic . Or they may just grab you outright . You may want out but sometimes what you want is not one of your available choices . Variel asked me to keep an eye on you . I cannot guarantee your safety in this place so we 'll need to go somewhere else . " " What 's the big deal ? He didn 't try to kill me or anything . He just tried to convince me that the Fallen were just misunderstood or something like that . " " And that is the nature of that particular Fallen . It is a deceiver . That is why it hides in a dead man 's skin . If it cannot get you by coercion , it will try something else . Now , do you want to live or not ? " " You 've already said that , Yoda . I get it . How do I know I can trust you ? Maybe you 're one of them and you 're just double - teaming me . He tries , badly , to make me trust him , and when that fails , you come along , I go with you and you turn out to be one of them . I watch movies you know . I know all about good cop , bad cop . " The exited out a back entrance after Lo had a chance to make sure the alley behind the shelter was deserted . Garbage thrown roughly against sidewalls was the only thing in evidence . With Lo leading the way , they crossed down the alley and then slipped into another side street . " I 'm sorry you were involved in this , my friend . " Lo said . " Often , I find , the Creator has plans of his own and his plans always trump our own . " " He is the designer of our lives . " Lo said . " I would hope that the one who made us knows us even better than we know ourselves . I would certainly hope so at least . " " So , is that the final word for the Awakened ? The Creator says jump and you say , ' how high ' ? Don 't you even get a say in the matter ? " Lo Chen stopped and turned back to Malcolm . " It 's a matter of trust and logic . Is it logical to think that one who created us would be more able to plan out our destinies that we would be ? Think about this . Is it easier to hammer a nail with a rock or a hammer ? " Lo smiled . " Of course . And either in the hands of a novice would be capable of bending the nail . You have the mind of a philosopher about you , my friend . " Lo stopped to examine the alley they were currently in . Wooden sheds as garages lined either side of the street . Further ahead , the alley ended in a street , heavily trafficked by cars . Behind them , the alley jutted off into a separate alley . Lo raised his eyebrows and smiled . " Originally , I 'm from Toledo . " He headed off toward the street end , talking as he traveled . " But I 've been in Kansas City for a number of years now . You know how it is . Every city starts to feel the same after awhile . Plus , you were talking to me and got me distracted . " As Lo passed a half - open garage , a shadowy figure stepped out directly behind the diminutive Asian . Without saying a word , the figure raised a piece of rebar and brought it down heavily on Lo 's head , knocking him instantly to the ground . The Fallen , still dressed in Larry 's skin , turned back and smiled at Malcolm . " Well , howdy there , cupcake . Thought you wouldn 't see me any time soon , didn 't ya ? Well , surprise , surprise , surprise . " It seemed like he was at the bottom of a dark , dank lake with no sign of the surface . And , even though his head was pounding with a ferocity that shook his entire body , Malcolm pushed himself upward , toward the light . The light grew slowly larger , but not quickly enough , just as he became sure his air would run out . Malcolm cracked one eye open to be rewarded with a shaft of light , which immediately sent his thumping head into overdrive . He closed his eyes until the feeling of nausea had passed . A moment later , he decided to risk opening his eyes once more . The light was still there , but now he could recognize that it was coming from somewhere far overhead , such as a skylight . With force , he lurched his head downward to the hard , cement floor . There was nothing there but a few marks where something , tape maybe , had been placed and then pulled away . Slowly , he raised his head . He was in what looked like a large , abandoned warehouse . There were windows at approximately shoulder height , but these were so filmed over that they allowed absolutely no light in . No , the only light was coming from somewhere overhead . Malcolm cranked his head to look around the room and was immediately rewarded with a renewal of the pounding . It felt like a hangover . Too bad he hadn 't done anything to deserve it . At least then , it would have been reasonable . He attempted to raise his hands so he could further examine his head and found himself unable to move anything but his head and neck . Looking down , Malcolm could see he was tied , arms behind his back , with some large coarse rope to some sort of office chair . The rope also wound around his chest , keeping him securely in place . From behind came the sound of the man trying to speak through a thick blanket . They must have gagged him , thought Malcolm . This is just great . So , now they were meat waiting to be eaten . Desperately , his mind ran through a checklist of everything he had on his body in an attempt to locate anything sharp enough to cut through the rope . He didn 't wear a belt , so no belt buckle . He didn 't have a knife . Heck , he didn 't even have a thumbtack . In fact , he didn 't think he had anything but a few pennies in the front pockets of his jeans , well the jeans that Variel had given him . They had also given him a new shirt , socks and a nice jacket . If only they had given him a knife , or if he 'd had the foresight to stuff a knife from the shelter into his pocket . In fact , the only thing he knew for sure was in his pockets was the cell phone that Variel had given him . Maybe he could … wait a second . " Lo , " he spoke urgently but quietly , " I 've got a cell phone in my jacket pocket but I can 't reach it . If I twisted just a little , I could probably get the pocket near your hands . Do you think you could reach in and get it ? " " It 's Variel 's phone , " explained Malcolm . " He said that if I ever got in trouble that I should use it to call him and he 'd come get me . Maybe it 's got some tracking built in so he 'll know where we 're at and can come find us . " As far as he could , Malcolm twisted his body to the right . Unfortunately , he found that he could only move so far . Whoever had tied the ropes , had made them extremely tight . It must have been enough , though , because Malcolm could soon feel the other man digging around in his pocket . " Okay , " said Malcolm , " this is the tough part . Flip it open and , I guess , just start hitting some buttons . Maybe he put his number on speed dial . " Malcolm could hear the tones of the buttons being randomly punched and thanked God that it wasn 't one of those new touch screen phones . Soon , however , the little man must have punched the correct sequence as he could hear the phone very faintly dialing another number . After one ring , the phone clicked and he could hear Variel 's voice from very far away . " Malcolm , is that you ? What 's going on and where are you and Lo ? We lost all track outside the Shelter . It 's almost as if you 'd disappeared off the face of the planet . " Malcolm turned his head as best he could toward where he thought the phone would be . " Variel , we had to leave the Homeless Shelter . Lo was taking down some back routes when these two Fallen jumped us . I just woke up and we 're in this warehouse . I wish I could give you any clue as to where we 're at but I can 't see through any of the windows . " " Just like who said ? " Variel answered . " I couldn 't hear that . But , yeah , I figured it would be for the best , under the circumstances and all . " " I 'm not mad at ya , " said Malcolm . " Especially if you can get us out of here . How long do you think it 'll take ? " " And what did I tell you ? " The Stranger asked . " He was the perfect bait . And you wanted to keep the Chinaman alive just in case . " " And that 's why he put you in charge and not me , I reckon . " The thing that wore Larry 's body said as he walked around the chair and into Malcolm 's field of vision . It smiled hungrily down at the homeless boy . " So , can we have him now ? The job 's pretty much in the bag . " The Stranger strode heavily down the iron stairs . " And alert Variel as soon as he gets here that something 's wrong ? No . I 'd like to have every advantage I can get when I 'm facing that one . " The Stranger reached the bottom of the stairs and raised his eyebrows at Malcolm . But maybe we ought to shut up Junior here before he squeals to his friend . " He motioned with his chin to some place behind Malcolm . " Go look in the storage room and see if you can find some packing tape . " The other Fallen nodded quickly and moved off as the Stranger drew near . " So now you see why I needed to kill a few bums yesterday ? I knew Variel was in the area and he couldn 't resist picking you up . All we had to do was wait for you to get out and as soon as we had you , then we could get at Variel . " " We 're weren 't after you at all , cupcake . You was just our small potatoes . Our carrot for the bunny , if you will . " His eyes looked up sharply as he nodded . " Yeah , that 'll do just fine . Wrap him up , good and tight . " Malcolm 's eyes bulged as his air was cut completely off . His chest convulsed as it sought out any air and . Not finding any relief , Malcolm 's head whipped around in an effort , any effort to dislodge the tape . The Stranger clapped the thing that was Larry once on the side of the head . " What are you thinking , idiot ? Didn 't I just tell you I wanted him alive ? " " I understand , my friend . It 's all right . I knew this was a trap the moment that Lo reported the Fallen 's presence at the shelter . I 'm just sorry that we couldn 't get protection for you sooner . There was a little drama back at the safe house I had to deal with first . " The thing that was inside of Larry took that opportunity to step out of the shadows . " Well , Variel , it took you long enough . Were you gonna wait until we tore this boy limb from limb until you decided to show your face ? " Variel lifted his head to call out loudly . " You may as well come out too . Your friend already gave away the fact that there 's more than one . " The Stranger , bird head now out with its razor - sharp beak pointing in the air , strode out from the closet where he had hid . " Well , if it ain 't my little rabbit . Can 't run too far inside this building , can you ? Oh , and you won 't be doing any shadow - walking around us , will you ? " The thing with the bird 's head strode forward . " Ah , well . It 's not like it would have been a great advantage anyway , now would it ? " The Stranger , now only several feet in front of Variel , suddenly shot a tentacle out from the folds of its overcoat . The thing inside Larry took the opportunity to leap at the same moment , transforming itself as it jumped . Like the thing that had been inside Cillin , this one also had skeletal bat wings and a rat 's tail that dropped down between its legs . The difference between this one and the one at the safe house was the mouth . Where the other one had possessed a forked tongue , this one 's mouth had grown unusually large and filled with three rows of pointed teeth . In response , Variel took a step back and pulled a long stick out of the folds of his coat . The stick he brought down heavily on the questing tentacle and used the momentum to kick his foot in the direction of the thing that was inside Larry . His foot connected with the corpse , propelling it backwards and into a far wall . The thing that was Larry , meanwhile , had gained its feet . Seeing Variel wrapped as tight as a Christmas package , the Fallen chuckled to himself . " Holy crap , that was easy . " It walked forward and bent down parallel to Variel 's face , which was now wrapped tightly by a fourth tentacle . " You ain 't so tough , are ya , big fella ? " " Get up , you idiot , " said the Stranger . " And don 't get so close next time . Come on . We 've got to finish this quick before any friends of his show up . " " Hey ! " It yelled , shooting its rat tail out , only to have Alyx quickly stamp down on it with her boot heel . The Fallen yelped in surprise . The Stranger shrugged , causing Merec to tighten his grip . " Hey , I know how many movies you Americans watch . You think you can handle anything by yourself . " Variel shrugged without responding and moved quickly over to where Alyx held the still struggling thing that inhabited Larry 's corpse . His mouth wrinkled in obvious disgust . " You know , out of all the Fallen , I think you stealers of the dead are the worst . It 's bad enough that you have to steal the bodies of the innocent , but to hitch a ride on an inanimate corpse , like maggots infesting a dead dog , that 's really more than most people should have to experience . " The Fallen 's head shot up . It 's body contorted in Alyx 's struggling grasp as its eyes bulged out and it 's muscles strained . Suddenly , its chest thrust forward and its mouth looped low , crying out . After screaming what seemed like forever , it was a corpse again . Alyx quickly let the lifeless body drop . The Stranger took its opportunity amidst the confusion to thrust its head backwards , taking a vicious swipe at Merec . It scored a rough cut down the right side of his face . He cried out and fell backward . Variel nodded , walking away from the stairs . He walked toward the mound of clothes which Malcolm had recognized earlier and bent down to dig within them . After a moment , Variel had dug out Lo , beaten up badly and was checking for a pulse . The Stranger paused at the top of the stairs , on the metal balcony . " You better get all the rest you need , boys and girls cause Rabidus is on the way and he ain 't leaving anyone the same . " Laughing , it exited into the office . Alyx 's glance fell from the exiting Fallen down to Variel . In answer to Alyx 's unspoken question , Variel shrugged . Instead of answering , he hefted Lo 's motionless body from off of the ground . Alyx had ripped Merec 's undershirt and was slowly wrapping it around the right side of his head as he sat up on the ground , completely still . As she wrapped the shirt , the blood began to stain through quickly . She tied it off as well as she could , wiped her hands on her pant legs and moved toward Malcolm . Variel paused in the act of helping Merec to his feet , the limp Lo Chen hanging over his shoulder . " Would you rather we left you to do all the fighting ? I think we could have managed that . " Merec waved him off . " And answer all those questions by the cops ? No thank you . I 'll be fine till the Doctor can see me . " Darkness had descended fully on the town by the time the car Variel was driving came to a complete stop . It was a relief that they had finally reached the safe house . Some time during the drive , Merec had lost consciousness and began to moan and thrash around like something from the Fallen had crawled into the wound and entered his brain . Lo , on the other hand , was still breathing very shallowly , if at all . Malcolm couldn 't tell from where he was sitting in the back seat . " Uh , Variel , " he said , hesitantly . " Are you sure we 're in the right spot ? I don 't even think we 're in the same part of the city . " Variel glanced back , his face set in a grim rictus . " No , we 're at Lo 's safe house . I told you we had some drama at our safe house . We were … " At Malcolm 's glance , Alyx smiled and nodded toward Merec 's feet . " It 's gonna take both of us . He 's not as light as he looks . " " Emil ! " Alyx said . " Glad to see you got out of that mess . I thought you were back on the second floor and trapped . I had you written off . " Emil grunted . " They would have had me too , but Valentine came running around the corner , crowing like a rooster . She led the cops down a different corridor so I could get out . Don 't know what happened to her though . " " Not yet . " Alyx said . " We 're almost to the doctor 's . Let 's drop off Merec and let the doctor start and then I 'll fill you both in . " They turned another corner and took an immediate left into a brightly lit room that was devoid of any decorations . A stainless steel table bullied the center of the room with a thin sheet of paper covering the surface . They laid Merec carefully on the table , but Alyx had to hold him steady as his thrashings threatened to spill him off the table . The doctor looked up from inspecting the surgical instruments to survey Alyx 's face . Finally , she nodded . " You 'll do . I need you to stay here and assist me . " Malcolm stopped in the hallway and grabbed Emil 's shoulder . " What 's going on around here ? Everybody 's looks like they 're scared to even move . " Emil quickly shrugged off the boy 's hands . " The police came to our safe house yesterday and were trying to arrest us . Skyler went out to talk with them and they knocked him in the head and tossed him in their van . When no one else would surrender , they knocked the door in and started grabbing anyone they could . Some of us tried to get out the back , but there were more of them waiting in the alley . " As soon as they were seated , Emil started in earnest . " We don 't know why they came or by whose orders . We 've never had any trouble from the police before , at least not as long as I 've been an Awakened . They 've always kinda kept a safe distance . Maybe we 've got an understanding with them or something ? I don 't know . " Emil nodded . " Yeah , I pieced that together since I got here . Apparently , Variel got your call right as the police showed up at the front door . As soon as he sent Skyler out to deal with them , they all shadow - walked out of the building to go rescue you . " Emil hung his head sheepishly as he answered . " Some of us don 't know how to shadow walk yet . The more mature Awakened would have left a bunch of us beginners behind if they would have all took off . " " It 's training . A lot of it 's training anyway . We train to fight . We train to shadow walk . That 's why there 's a good combination of mature and beginner Awakened in each safe house . The mature each take at least one beginner under their wing and teach them the skills . It 's just part of the process . " " Variel was the one who first introduced me to the Awakened . Usually the person who introduces you is the one that trains you . But he already had an apprentice , so I got trained by Skyler . It 's cool , though . Skyler knows a lot . " " Yeah . But he 'll get free . He 's pretty resourceful . We didn 't get to the shadow walking part yet , but he was walking me through the books of the Fallen , that 's a book that describes every type of Fallen and its weaknesses . It 's pretty important to know , so you know what fighting style to use on which Fallen and which ones you can cast out and which ones require a bit more work . You have to pass this test or its back to more studying . " Malcolm nodded absently . " Yeah . So , did anybody figure out why the cops just raided you all of a sudden ? I mean , it 's gotta be what everyone 's talking about . " " Yeah . There 's been plenty of guessing . Of course , I can only catch about half of what 's said around here cause this house is filled with Koreans , Chinese and other Orientals mostly . But there was enough talk in English for me to figure some of it out . Most everyone thinks it was the host placed in a powerful position that Cillin was talking about . Probably the Mayor or Chief of Police or somebody like that . " " No , they have to be in shadow to see one of the Fallen in their true shape . That 's why the Fallen hide in humans . Their true shape won 't exist in our world . Yeah , it comes out when they 're attacking and all , but mostly they stay hidden inside , safe from detection so they can look like the rest of us . That 's what this highly placed Fallen is doing and its what makes him so dangerous . If there 's a Fallen in a position that can do some real damage to the Awakened , we 've got to do something about it quick . There 's been others , in the past . There were times in history where a Fallen inhabited a king or some other ruler and preceded to kill every Awakened they could find . We had to go into hiding just to survive . " In another part of the city , Maria Velargas opened her eyes slowly . With each even slight movement , her head screamed out in agony . She had no clue where she was or how she had gotten here and her eyes weren 't helping out much either . She shouldn 't be here . She should be on her way home as she usually was at this time of night . Maria remembered going to school earlier after she finished her shift . She distinctly knew this because she remembered the puddle that lay right outside her car door that she had to step in and which soaked her tennis shoes . And next to that thought came another one . She was dreading tonight 's class because she had to turn in her paper on potential opportunities for tort reform . Yeah , she had worked on it for almost a week straight , had ignored her kid 's pleas to read a book and stayed up way past her bed time because she knew that professor Adams was very specific in what he wanted in a paper . She wanted to cry out and see if anyone answered her and she almost did until the thinking part of her brain stopped her . She was tied up in a strange apartment when the last thing she remembered was leaving her class . Had she made it to her car ? She didn 't think so . If she had , she wouldn 't have stopped so someone could take her . Okay . So did she know anybody who was a jerk enough that they 'd do this just to put a scare in her ? Her old boyfriend , Ricky . She probably wouldn 't put it past him . But he wouldn 't ever be caught in a place like this . If Ricky had taken her for some stupid reason , she 'd find herself in a room covered with pizza boxes , littered beer cans and a rat - eaten sofa propped up by phone books . She was aware of the man 's voice stopping seconds before he walked into the room from somewhere behind her . He set the phone down on an end table and placed his open beer bottle on a coaster right next to the phone . Slowly , he sat on the couch , laying his long legs out in front of him , eyeing her like she was a piece of trash . He raised his eyebrows . " About to say something ? That 's all right . We 'll have plenty of time to get to know one another . " He laid his hands on his slacks , slowly following the crease with his fingers as he spoke . " I 'm sure you have endless questions . Where am I ? Who are you ? How did you get such a fabulous apartment ? All will be answered in time , I assure you . " He sat up suddenly then bent forward so far that his black with red flecks tie brushed the ground . When he came back up , he was holding her purse . He didn 't take long to fish out her wallet . She wasn 't like some of those girls whose purse doubled as an overnight bag . Just the essentials . He pulled her driver 's license up and held it out in front of his face . " Hopefully wearing contacts , " he concluded . " I 'm sure you wouldn 't be a danger to yourself and other civilians for the sake of vanity . And … not an organ donor . That 's a pity . And extremely selfish of you . " He threw the license at her feet and dug out a picture that she knew well . " And what 's this ? It 's a picture of you … albeit a picture of you in better days , with a little girl . Is this your niece ? Your sister perhaps ? " " I don 't really care about the rest . It doesn 't interest me in the least . I never have been much interested in the game side of this , like so many of my fellow patriots . No , it 's more like a business to me . " As he rose , Maria noticed the shoes on his feet , which looked amazingly like the diamond - studded shoes she had seen in that celebrity mag her mom was always leaving around the house . Gabby , her daughter , had gotten a hold of one such magazine last week that showed the latest celebs in all their toned and untoned glory at the beaches . That one had quickly found its way into the trash . She heard him rummaging somewhere behind her as her eyes caught the picture of her and Gabby lying on the floor in front of the sectional . He quickly came back into her field of vision carrying some sort of instrument that looked straight out of one of those Saw movies . Casually , he resumed his spot on the sofa and reached for his beer . " Did you know that there was this small village in Southern France in the year 1212 ? This was the year of the Children 's Crusade . Don 't recall that one ? That was an engineering marvel orchestrated by one of the Fallen greats , named … well , you 're inferior vocal chords won 't allow me to pronounce his real name . Which is really a shame . Found himself on the business end of a guillotine not ten years later . He could create a marvel like the Children 's Crusade but couldn 't outrun an angry mob led by an upstart Jesuit . " " Sorry , I was chasing rabbits . Anyway , this town , which was called Pas De La Porte , was just a tiny little thing . It 's no longer there , of course . Not really entirely my fault , but I like to take credit when credit is due . But , this small town with its filthy little men and women gave me a most unusual nickname that lasted for three centuries . They called me Perdu La Clavicule or The Lost Collarbone . Actually , that was a pretty stupid and simple name , but what really do we expect from peasants ? Un Grand Nom ? Non . It was accurate enough as nicknames go . See , my specialty back then , my mark was that the victim , when found , would be missing their collarbone . Now , how 's that for originality ? " " Now , I 'll be honest . I 've changed since then . Call it a maturing of the tastes if you will or a refining with age , but I prefer the term evolved . See , society has evolved and my desires , my addictions have evolved as well . " He stepped back and tossed stainless steel thing on the couch behind him . " Have you ever known an alcoholic , Maria ? Hey , who am I talking to ? You 're a Latino , right ? Of course , you 've known alcoholics . Well , alcoholics don 't start by drinking a case a day to get drunk . No , they don 't need much alcohol to get them high . It just takes a little . But , as time goes by , they need more and more , or they need greater proofs just to get the same drunk . It 's kinda like that for me too . " He smiled at her . " So , no . I 'm not going to physically hurt you at all . I 've grown beyond all that . But what I 'm going to do to your mind … well , that 's a different story altogether . See , some of my fellow patriots believe that dismemberment or evisceration is the be all , end all . But , I think of this a little bit more like an artist . I don 't want my work on display and then covered up and buried the next day . Where 's the eternity in that ? No , I prefer living , breathing works of art to all that . Now , in the end , you may not agree with me , but that 's all right . Cause critics get to have their opinion , but the original intention of the artist , that 's where true beauty lies . " " Yes , and your men performed to my every expectation , " she heard him say from behind a thick cloud . " But I 'll explain this to you once again , David . My sources say that there are more than one nest of these agitators . If you check 1818 Mockingbird , owned by a certain Lo Chen , you 'll find that 's where the rats from the previous house have fled . Don 't worry about how I know . My sources are my sources , not public knowledge . Don 't let me down , David . Safety and expediency are our number one priorities in this venture . Yes . " " Oh , my darling , I 'm back . " He said , sneering . " The mean man kept me on the phone for so long now . But don 't worry your pretty little head . We 'll pick up right where we left off . " The police did not find them completely unprepared like they had the day before . Variel figured that if they had been that brazen to attempt a raid in broad daylight , they wouldn 't stop at just one safe house . More than likely , what happened at their safe house was a pre - emptive strike . Variel and the doctor openly debated as to whether they should leave Lo at the house when the police arrived . The doctor suggested that they leave him as he was in no condition to be moved and would just hinder the rest of them . As she was now in charge , the other member 's of Lo 's house tended to side with her . Variel , however , brought something else to the table . " Look , I know that Lo would be better off with a doctor and staff , but we have no guarantee that he would be sent to a hospital . I don 't know about the police that 'll be here later today , but I 'm well aware of the Fallen . If the Fallen that 's calling the shots in the city gets his hands on Lo , it won 't matter what condition he 's in . That will be the end of him . " The doctor placed her hands defiantly on her hips . " So , where do we go from here ? Have you thought about that one ? He needs rest and carting him around from house to house isn 't going to get him any . " Variel 's face softened . " Of course , I 've thought about him . I 've know Lo longer than anyone around here . We 'll get him some rest . " " I 've been talking with the leaders of the other safe houses and they agree that we 've got to clear out of all our houses immediately . It 's the best possible move . We 're not completely defenseless or without options . We 've got plenty of benefactors who wouldn 't mind helping . In fact , I 've got someone just in mind to watch over our friend Lo while he recuperates . " " Why didn 't you ask … " Alyx shook her head , pushing on . " Never mind . He 's fine . In fact , he wanted to be at this meeting but the doctor forbid it . In fact , she had to give him a bit of sleepy juice just to keep him from sneaking out . " Variel nodded , satisfied . He addressed the remaining survivors , circled around . " Well , folks , we know what we need to do . Just to recap , do not approach any safe house . And please don 't turn yourself into the police . We don 't know who they 're working for and we don 't know where are people are going or what they 're doing to them . " He slowly glanced over the crowd , stopping to smile reassuringly at individual faces . " I don 't know how long this will last or who 's behind it . But the other leaders and myself will work tirelessly until we break the lid off this problem and get back to life as close to normal as possible . Remember folks , we 're more than soldiers and fighters for our Creator . We 're brothers and sisters , fathers and sons , and we will not stop fighting , we will never surrender until this earth matches perfectly the one foretold by our Creator . " Variel 's voice rose above the men and women . " Great Creator , Father of all and Maker of all things , we kneel in your presence and bring you great praise , for your works are mighty and your love is deep . Creator , we enter this time of darkness , stumbling forward , not knowing where we step , but acknowledging your hand on us the entire journey . While we may not know what tomorrow will bring , while we struggle against enemies seen and unseen , even while some of us may face the darkness of death and despair , still we will not lose faith in you . Though all the legions of Fallen may descend on us , still we will cling to your hope , even still will we cling to you . Father , we humbly ask that you be with all your Awakened . Give us the courage to see this fight through to the end , the strength to hold up our brothers and sisters and the faith to follow you in the absolute darkness . " Malcolm scratched his face before answering . " I 'm not saying that I 'm buying in to whatever crazy club this place actually is . But I tried going on my own and that didn 't work out so well . I think I 'd be a lot safer with you guys for a while . If you 'll let me tag along . " " I tried all night to find out where they 've taken him with no success . " Variel said . " There 's no trace of him . We 'll find him . But , in the mean time , until we get this all sorted out , you train with me . In fact , I 'm taking both of you with me . It 'll do Malcolm some good to observe us for a while . Maybe that 'll help him make his mind up about us . " The cab pulled over to the curb , parking next to a storm drain . Malcolm looked up at the façade of a massive but squalid three - story town home , whose principle feature seemed to be a lack of paint that didn 't seem to be peeling and iron bars that adorned every window like individual jail cells . One set of stairs led up from the sidewalk to a dark alcove of an entrance that fit the building like a mouth opening wide to swallow every visitor . " Hold one moment , will you driver ? " Variel asked the cabbie , before turning to address Malcolm . " Yeah , this is the place . Now , remember what I said . He 's a really good guy , but he 's got a few problems . Whatever you do , don 't look at him like he 's strange or unusual . That 'll only set him off . Under the circumstances , he 's our best choice at concealment . " Variel paid the driver and they all exited the cab , taking what meager belongings they had with them . As they stopped on the sidewalk and watched the taxi pull away , Malcolm craned his head to look towards the top of the building , where an iron fence crowned a flat roof . He wondered to himself for the third time since leaving Lo 's safe house if he had made a mistake . He could be at a shelter right now , in an environment known well enough to him . Of course , he didn 't know how safe he 'd be there . The shelter didn 't protect him so well last time . As they set foot on the lowest step , a gruff male voiced barked out from the shadows at the top of the stoop . " Halt ! Who goes there ? " After a second and no one left the shadows , Variel answered . " It 's Variel , Brian . And I 've brought the two recruits along , just like I told you I would . Care to put the gun down ? " " I know you . " Variel sighed . " Come on , Brian . Can 't we do this inside ? It looks like it might start raining any second . " Brian heaved his bulky frame completely out of the shadows so he could yell upwards . " Dang it , Emma , I told you to stay in your room . And what did I tell you about yelling outside ? " Brian thundered down the steps and immediately grabbed one of the larger suitcases in his immense hands . " Come along , gentlemen . Best not to stay outside too long . It 'll draw too much attention . " Unfortunately , Brian had excellent hearing . " And did you see me when you approached ? No , you didn 't . I can teach you a thing or two about concealment , boy . " Variel lifted his own suitcase and stepped between the two . " Guys , let 's take this inside . Brian . Remember what you said about unwanted attention . " Disturbed , Brian 's head twisted so he could look up the street . " Yeah , you 're right . Wouldn 't want to leave ourselves an open target for them now , would we ? " Without waiting for an answer , Brian led the men through the hallway and into a living room , where two small girls sat on the couch , their tiny legs swinging in the air . As soon as she saw the men , the slightly older girl 's eyes lit up . She jumped down and ran to the men , grabbing Variel by the legs . Emma backed off slightly and smiled up at Variel , her enormous sky - blue eyes wrinkled at the creases . " Why did you take so long to visit again , Variel ? It 's been over six months . " Variel dropped his bags and knelt down so he could be face to face with the girl . " My apologies , Emma . I 've been a little busy . But you 're gonna see a lot of me in the days to come . Maybe too much of me . " Variel reached forward and lifted one of Emma 's braids . " And what 's this ? Did you finally teach your dad how to give you piggies ? " Emma smiled back at her father . " No . Daddy 's still better at making messes then fixing them . Naw , my teacher showed me . So , I do mine and Jillie 's . " " All right , " Brian stepped forward . " You two will have plenty of time to get reacquainted . Let me show you where you 'll be bunking . " Brian left the two girls in the living room as he led Variel and the boys past a tiny kitchen and up a staircase at the back of the house . The stairs ended in a large open area with a solitary door visible in the far wall . Several windows covered with newspapers lined one wall as boxes of assorted sizes littered the room . Brian pushed several boxes out of the way to make room for the suitcases . " Emil ? Malcolm ? My manners are poorly lacking . Gentlemen , may I introduce Brian Myrtleson , one of the most highly trained men this side of the Mississippi . Brian is proficient in over two hundred individual weapons , holds a white belt in Ju - Jitsu , Taekwondo and was a former golden gloves . He is also an expert marksman and been trained as a sniper by the Army . Did I miss anything ? " Brian 's chest puffed out . " Only a few things . I 've been an instructor at hand - to - hand combat for over fifteen years . I make a mean quiche and my friends call me ' Beef ' . Any questions ? " Brian allowed a smirk to rise to his face . " Cause Variel 's the master and you 're the apprentice . Also cause his life 's a lot more important than yours . Oh , and may I add that he 's got a lot more important work to do than you little shrimp boats , so he 'll need all the resources he can get . Plus … " " Actually , Malcolm 's not one of the Awakened yet . Let 's just say he 's still shopping around to see what his options are . It 's just safer for him to be with us right now . " Brian turned back to Malcolm and rested one beefy hand on the boy 's shoulder . " War 's closing soon , son . You better make up your mind in a hurry . " Brian sniffed hugely in the air . " Can 't you smell it , boys ? It 's in the air and all around us . Been there for weeks . There 's a fight coming . Sooner than later , the fight 's gonna get here and you better be sure your minds made up by then . " |
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